#accidental!hooker clint

[kangofu-cb]

Chapters: 2/2 Fandom: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Clint Barton Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Clint is not an avenger, but Bucky still is, Sex Worker Clint Barton, from a certain point of view, Sex, Oral Sex, Anal Sex, All kinds of sex, it's mostly just sex, Gift Exchange, Gift Fic Summary:

In which Clint continues to impersonate an actual sex worker, to everyone’s benefit

[themculibrary]

Sex Worker AUs Masterlist

Links Last Checked: January 21st, 2024

1000 Dollar (ao3) - Jerana steve/bucky E, 5k

Summary: Camboy Steve does a huge mistake and meets with one of his viewers, Bucky, who isn't only the most handsome man Steve had ever seen, but also the most dangerous person in New York. If Steve could only resist his charm.

Ain't No Rest for the Wicked (ao3) - Kellyscams steve/bucky E, 305k

Summary: Steve's just moved back to Brooklyn after spending ten years in California trying to make a life for himself as an artist right after high school. Having escaped to the other side of the country following the sudden death of his mother, Steve feels guilty about abruptly leaving all his friends for so long, unfulfilled, scared and nervous about started college at his age, and unbelievably lonely. So when he meets Bucky Barnes, a young sex-worker, at a bar the night before his first day of classes, temptations might be too high to resist.

One night paying for sex with the most sinfully gorgeous guy is nothing to brag to the papers about, huh?

S'not like he'll ever see him again anyway...

...Right?

Call Boy (ao3) - L1av steve/bucky E, 149k

Summary: Bucky Barnes was skyrocketing through promotions at his advertising firm. Now, a partnership position is opening and if Bucky wants to see his name on the building, he needs to impress not only Mr. Tony Stark, but his wife Pepper. To do this, it takes a team, a couple to be exact. Bucky asks his ex-wife Natasha to set him up with the perfect girl, blonde, tall, thick thighs and huge tits, but with the personality that’ll get Pepper all smiles.

What Bucky gets? Tall, blonde, thick thighs…and a penis. Can this male escort pretend to not only be Bucky’s fiance but also impress Pepper enough to win Bucky the promotion? Is he going to impress Bucky enough to get him to sleep with him?

Steve loves working for his tip.

Charcoal Can Get Everywhere (ao3) - AdamantSteve clint/phil T, 2k

Summary: Clint is a stripper, and he kind of accidentally stalks his favourite customer... all the way to an art class.

Dancing (ao3) - annanWaters pepper/natasha E, 9k

Summary: Autumn, and they're back in New York. Tony's kept his head on this trip-- mostly-- but when Pepper sees a familiar face onstage, she may not be able to keep hers.

Egyptian Heat (ao3) - Davechicken layla/marc, khonshu/jake, layla/steven, steven/khonshu/marc, steven/marc, layla/steven/marc E, 69k

Summary: It’s been less than a month since Marc Spector died.

Being the Fist of Khonshu still hasn't fully been explained, but it comes with some... monthly side-effects.

Moan for the Camera (ao3) - kuki peter/wade E, 10k

Summary: Taking photos of himself as Spiderman was enough to get through high school, but as a college student Peter needs more of an income. He creates SweetiePetie69, a barely legal twunk camboy with a sudden and large following.

Wade Wilson follows a lot of camboys (and girls) but his absolute favorite is SweetiePetie69.

Natural Talent (ao3) - 27dragons, tisfan bucky/tony E, 47k

Summary: Bucky is Boss of the Commando territory, carved out of Hydra's territory with blood, tears, and sweat - mostly his own. He has a reputation in other territories for being hard and ruthless, but his own people know him as a generous, considerate leader. He protects his land and his people, but otherwise keeps his head down. He has no intention of getting embroiled in any of the other territories' disputes. That is, until Bucky finds himself in possession of a beautiful companion and learns that the man is far more than he appears.

Red Lights Over the Water (ao3) - SkyisGray steve/bucky E, 9k

Summary: Bucky Barnes isn't a very good stripper. Steve Rogers isn't a very good hooker.

Risky Business (ao3) - squadrickchestopher bucky/clint/natasha E, 5k

Summary: “Oh boy.” Clint grins at him. “So I’m an escort and a spy tonight? I’m pretty sure there’s a movie about this somewhere. This is like...sex espionage.”

“Sexpionage,” James says, “is the term. Except you’re an escort masquerading as a spy, not a spy masquerading as an escort, so I’m not sure if it applies.”

Salt, Sweat, Sugar (ao3) - RockSaltAndRoll steve/bucky E, 12k

Summary: Bucky has worked for the Adult Entertainment Industry for a couple of years now while he sees himself through college. The money is good, the people are great and the sex is awesome - altogether it’s great fun. It gets better the day he gets paired up with new guy Steve Rogers who is just about the cutest barely legal twink that Bucky has ever seen in his life.

sinners to saints (ao3) - ignisgayentia (orphan_account) steve/sam E, 5k

Summary: Usually burglary did not end in such good fortune. Bucky's a down-on-his-luck sex worker and CEO Steve Rogers has caught him trying to burglarize his house. Instead of getting upset, Steve offers the poor guy some food and a place to stay, and Bucky wants to pay him back. Steve tries to convince himself that he's not that kind of guy . . . until he is.

Strictly Professional (ao3) - Siancore sam/bucky E, 9k

Summary: Bucky Barnes is an adult film star. He has booked a job with his sometime-scene partner, Steve Rogers’ friend as a favour to Steve. He checks out some of Sam Wilson’s work and finds himself attracted to the other man. Will he be able to keep it strictly professional when they begin to film together?

Stripped Bare (ao3) - cooper_west clint/phil E, 17k

Summary: Clint never planned on being a stripper, but then he never planned on being blind either.

Temperature Control (The Watched Pot Never Boils Remix) (ao3) - BrighteyedJill steve/sam E, 620

Summary: Sam is one of Steve's favorite clients, because he knows exactly what Sam likes.

You Get What You Pay For (But Some Things Are Priceless) (ao3) - velvetjinx sam/bucky E, 4k

Summary: Sam meets exotic dancer Bucky and hires him to be his date at a work dinner. But with changing feelings involved, things get a whole lot more complicated.

[jedusaur]

@there-must-be-a-lock asked fic authors to share never-before-seen playlists/moodboards/background lore for their fics here. I don't really do playlists or moodboards, but I can do some background!

No Consequences, No Hangovers—when Clint feels the vibrations of Bucky talking after he already said he can't hear and internally gripes about it, Bucky is actually testing whether they're being monitored by talking loudly about one of his weapons they missed in the patdown to see whether they'll come take it away. I was gonna come back to that in the fic, but I just couldn't find a natural way to work it in.

just trying to matter—in this fic Roy uses food to communicate sympathy/support (stuffed pasta), capitulation (popcorn), reconciliation (tacos), annoyance/spite (millionaire's shortbread), and love/affection (all of it, really, but particularly the breakfasts and the Toblerone). he has absolutely no idea at any point that he is expressing himself this way.

Fuck-You Money—the spinach and cheese pastry Stiles gives Derek as a grand gesture is based on the ones from Konditorei in Davis, CA, which I just googled to find a picture and found out they closed last year :( but the pastries looked like this! ahhh they were so GOOD

The History Bros—Shitty's pop-quiz interjection was born from my utter astonishment when I searched for women's hockey history and learned when women started playing college hockey. male hockey fans LOVE to "pop quiz" when they find out anyone they perceive as a woman is into hockey and it drives me bonkers, so it's a subversion of that; I guarantee you not one of the men who has ever done the "pop quiz" thing to me knows the answer to Shitty's question. (for the record, I have known the correct answers to every one of the questions those douchenuts have ever asked me. TWO of them then tried to "correct" me to a wrong answer and wouldn't accept that I was right even after I brought up proof on my phone)

remembrances ⊻ memoria—when Clint and Bucky first fuck in 1986, Bucky's hair looks like this XD

Check and Mate—when Jamie goes out in the stands to kiss fans looking for his soulbond, most of the people he's kissing have already kissed him after previous games. he just doesn't pay enough attention to notice all the repeats, and they don't tell him

something in consciousness—the reason the nanites can't control thoughts and decisions is because they work by positioning themselves all through the person's hair and sending signals to each other through the brain, and the prefrontal cortex falls mostly outside the area they can access that way. the strongest effects are visual and tactile because the occipital and parietal lobes are the areas with the most nanite coverage. (this is not in the fic because it's Clint's POV and Clint does not give a shit lol)

Mounting Available On Request—the IKEA entertainment center situation is based directly on my own dumbass decision to ignore the instructions and do it alone, which resulted in a shelf snapping clean off >.< still less embarrassing than accidentally hiring a hooker tho

Hugs Gimme Hugs—I wrote this 12 years ago and probably no one remembers it except me, but it made me a lot more aware of my own water use and I still think of it every single time I see a bathroom sink starting to fill up

[mariana-oconnor]

I thought I had a pretty robust tagging system on this blog, but does anyone know what happened to that opener for the Clint is an accidental hooker fic I was never going to finish? It is lost and I’m about to a tumblr fic dump onto AO3.

[redsector-a]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Marvel Cinematic Universe Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Clint Barton Characters: James "Bucky" Barnes, Clint Barton Additional Tags: Hooker AU, Amputee Bucky Barnes, NGL there isn't much plot to this, meet grumpy rather than meet cute, it all works out in the end Summary:

After a bad group session Bucky ends up driving blindly for a while before accidentally parking on the street Clint works. The conversation is strange and nothing happens, but it leaves Bucky feeling better than therapy did so he keeps returning and hiring Clint. It’s the easiest interactions he’s had since his accident, and when they get to the point of having sex he can’t deny it’s nice getting off.

Of course he ends up doing what he’s not supposed to and falls for Clint.

[tshirttrend]

Black Queen Natural Hair Art shirt

Nice work Black Queen Natural Hair Art shirt . I love models based on vehicles in movies and one of these years. I’m going to follow your lead on this tank. I was at the IPMS Nationals recently and there was a conversion of a T-34/85 to a “Tiger” just like in Kelly’s Heroes, the builder had a binder full of photos and research material he used to do the conversion. Thanks for posting this, very inspirational. Thank you! I was considering doing a diorama with the tiger tank as well.Black Queen Natural Hair Art shirt, hoodie, sweater, longsleeve and ladies t-shirt

Classic Women's

Long Sleeved

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Unisex Hoodie

Classic Men's

Cloth Face Mask Great work and effort in getting the weird variant right Black Queen Natural Hair Art shirt . Fantastic movie. For all their faults, I do love old war movies with odd vehicles used, especially representing German vehicles. Thanks. Yeah, the variant was pretty odd. At one point I thought “Is it worth trying so hard to recreate a vehicle variant that wasn’t even used in World War 2 for a movie that was about World War 2?”. I’m loving all the Kelly’s Heroes love. I just realized I didn’t even put the title of the movie in the description, and people are still sharing favorite moments and quotes. I did find a bell, but they were too big for the tank. But good idea nevertheless. Attacked the wrong hill. “Accidentally wiped out a half a company of G.I.’s. Somebody had to get the blame and he got picked.” Thank you for the compliment. My favorite scene is probably the paint exploding on the tiger tank and Eastwood’s subtle yet surprised reaction to it. One of the funniest and craziest movies that I have watched. Both Clint Eastwood and Donald Sutherland were great. Thanks for this reminder! Need to watch it again. We’re not worried about the German army, we got enough troubles of our own. To our right, General Patton. And the only good thing to say about the weather is it keeps our own air corps from blowin’ us all to hell because it’s too lousy to fly, verse?!? Such a strange film in that Garner’s character nearly destroys his Sherman in order to save a hooker with a “heart of gold”. It’s peculiar how many Hollywood films involve prostitutes but then writers are told to “write what you know”. You Can See More Product: https://luxuryt-shirt.com/product-category/trending/ Read the full article

[newshirtonlines-blog]

Black Queen Natural Hair Art shirt

Nice work Black Queen Natural Hair Art shirt . I love models based on vehicles in movies and one of these years. I’m going to follow your lead on this tank. I was at the IPMS Nationals recently and there was a conversion of a T-34/85 to a “Tiger” just like in Kelly’s Heroes, the builder had a binder full of photos and research material he used to do the conversion. Thanks for posting this, very inspirational. Thank you! I was considering doing a diorama with the tiger tank as well.Black Queen Natural Hair Art shirt, hoodie, sweater, longsleeve and ladies t-shirt

Classic Women's

Long Sleeved

Unisex Sweatshirt

Unisex Hoodie

Classic Men's

Cloth Face Mask Great work and effort in getting the weird variant right Black Queen Natural Hair Art shirt . Fantastic movie. For all their faults, I do love old war movies with odd vehicles used, especially representing German vehicles. Thanks. Yeah, the variant was pretty odd. At one point I thought “Is it worth trying so hard to recreate a vehicle variant that wasn’t even used in World War 2 for a movie that was about World War 2?”. I’m loving all the Kelly’s Heroes love. I just realized I didn’t even put the title of the movie in the description, and people are still sharing favorite moments and quotes. I did find a bell, but they were too big for the tank. But good idea nevertheless. Attacked the wrong hill. “Accidentally wiped out a half a company of G.I.’s. Somebody had to get the blame and he got picked.” Thank you for the compliment. My favorite scene is probably the paint exploding on the tiger tank and Eastwood’s subtle yet surprised reaction to it. One of the funniest and craziest movies that I have watched. Both Clint Eastwood and Donald Sutherland were great. Thanks for this reminder! Need to watch it again. We’re not worried about the German army, we got enough troubles of our own. To our right, General Patton. And the only good thing to say about the weather is it keeps our own air corps from blowin’ us all to hell because it’s too lousy to fly, verse?!? Such a strange film in that Garner’s character nearly destroys his Sherman in order to save a hooker with a “heart of gold”. It’s peculiar how many Hollywood films involve prostitutes but then writers are told to “write what you know”. You Can See More Product: https://luxuryt-shirt.com/product-category/trending/ Read the full article

[luxuryt-shirt]

Black Queen Natural Hair Art shirt

Nice work Black Queen Natural Hair Art shirt . I love models based on vehicles in movies and one of these years. I’m going to follow your lead on this tank. I was at the IPMS Nationals recently and there was a conversion of a T-34/85 to a “Tiger” just like in Kelly’s Heroes, the builder had a binder full of photos and research material he used to do the conversion. Thanks for posting this, very inspirational. Thank you! I was considering doing a diorama with the tiger tank as well.Black Queen Natural Hair Art shirt, hoodie, sweater, longsleeve and ladies t-shirt

Classic Women's

Long Sleeved

Unisex Sweatshirt

Unisex Hoodie

Classic Men's

Cloth Face Mask Great work and effort in getting the weird variant right Black Queen Natural Hair Art shirt . Fantastic movie. For all their faults, I do love old war movies with odd vehicles used, especially representing German vehicles. Thanks. Yeah, the variant was pretty odd. At one point I thought “Is it worth trying so hard to recreate a vehicle variant that wasn’t even used in World War 2 for a movie that was about World War 2?”. I’m loving all the Kelly’s Heroes love. I just realized I didn’t even put the title of the movie in the description, and people are still sharing favorite moments and quotes. I did find a bell, but they were too big for the tank. But good idea nevertheless. Attacked the wrong hill. “Accidentally wiped out a half a company of G.I.’s. Somebody had to get the blame and he got picked.” Thank you for the compliment. My favorite scene is probably the paint exploding on the tiger tank and Eastwood’s subtle yet surprised reaction to it. One of the funniest and craziest movies that I have watched. Both Clint Eastwood and Donald Sutherland were great. Thanks for this reminder! Need to watch it again. We’re not worried about the German army, we got enough troubles of our own. To our right, General Patton. And the only good thing to say about the weather is it keeps our own air corps from blowin’ us all to hell because it’s too lousy to fly, verse?!? Such a strange film in that Garner’s character nearly destroys his Sherman in order to save a hooker with a “heart of gold”. It’s peculiar how many Hollywood films involve prostitutes but then writers are told to “write what you know”. You Can See More Product: https://luxuryt-shirt.com/product-category/trending/ Read the full article

[ao3feed-winterhawk]

Hey baby I'm talking to you

read it on the AO3 at http://ift.tt/2z4hwIW

by icywind

After a bad group session Bucky ends up driving blindly for a while before accidentally parking on the street Clint works. They conversation is strange and nothing happens, but it leaves Bucky feeling better than therapy did so he keeps returning and hiring Clint. It’s the easiest interactions he’s had since his accident, and when they get to the point of having sex he can’t deny it’s nice getting off.

Of course he ends up doing what he’s not supposed to and falls for Clint.

Words: 7133, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe

Rating: Mature

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: M/M

Characters: James "Bucky" Barnes, Clint Barton

Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Clint Barton

Additional Tags: Hooker AU, Amputee Bucky Barnes, NGL there isn't much plot to this, meet grumpy rather than meet cute, it all works out in the end

read it on the AO3 at http://ift.tt/2z4hwIW

[ao3feed-winterhawk2-archive]

by magenta_llama

After a bad group session Bucky ends up driving blindly for a while before accidentally parking on the street Clint works. The conversation is strange and nothing happens, but it leaves Bucky feeling better than therapy did so he keeps returning and hiring Clint. It’s the easiest interactions he’s had since his accident, and when they get to the point of having sex he can’t deny it’s nice getting off.

Of course he ends up doing what he’s not supposed to and falls for Clint.

Words: 19, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe

Rating: Mature

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: M/M

Characters: Clint Barton, James "Bucky" Barnes

Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Clint Barton

Additional Tags: Hooker AU, Amputee Bucky Barnes, NGL there isn't much plot to this, meet grumpy rather than meet cute, it all works out in the end

[kangofu-cb]

Chapters: 3/6 Fandom: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Clint Barton Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Clint is not an avenger, but Bucky still is, Sex Worker Clint Barton, from a certain point of view, Sex, Oral Sex, Anal Sex, All kinds of sex, it's mostly just sex, Gift Exchange, Gift Fic, slow burn but also they are having sex the whole time Summary:

“What’s a guy like you doing in a place like this?” Clint says, instead.

  Barnes snorts. “Having a drink,” he says, then gives Clint another one of those appraising looks. “You a professional?” he says, after a second, and Clint is momentarily confused.

  A professional what?

  And then he realizes Barnes must be talking about pool, and Clint huffs a laugh. “Only when there’s money involved,” he says, smirking, and Barnes kind of nods, like that makes any sort of sense.

  Then Barnes nods again, a little more firmly, and says “You got a place?”

  Which is about the point that Clint realizes that he’s not meeting the Winter Soldier in a bar, he’s being picked up by the Winter Soldier in a bar and-

  “Yeah,” he croaks, clears his throat, thinks wildly that he’s really fucking glad Kate has Lucky for a few days, and says “Yeah, I got a place.”

 Or, how Bucky got his groove back.

[ao3feed-buckybarnes]

[Podfic] Hey baby I'm talking to you

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2CGEo8S

by magenta_llama

After a bad group session Bucky ends up driving blindly for a while before accidentally parking on the street Clint works. The conversation is strange and nothing happens, but it leaves Bucky feeling better than therapy did so he keeps returning and hiring Clint. It’s the easiest interactions he’s had since his accident, and when they get to the point of having sex he can’t deny it’s nice getting off.

Of course he ends up doing what he’s not supposed to and falls for Clint.

Words: 19, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe

Rating: Mature

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: M/M

Characters: Clint Barton, James "Bucky" Barnes

Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Clint Barton

Additional Tags: Hooker AU, Amputee Bucky Barnes, NGL there isn't much plot to this, meet grumpy rather than meet cute, it all works out in the end

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2CGEo8S

[jedusaur]

2022 fic roundup!

this year I posted 153,007 words on AO3, which is by FAR the most I've ever written in a year, and I didn't even start until the end of April! the summer was just an unprecedented deluge of words, don't ask me wtf happened. so here's what I wrote:

my top 5 favorites

A Hockey Stick Apart [Check Please, Jack/Kent] — cabin-in-Canada trope inversion where Jack won't let Kent into the cabin, and they both learn a whole lot about the complexity of navigating boundaries both physical and emotional (I think this might be my favorite thing I've ever written—certainly the most personally meaningful I've posted publicly—and of course it's in a fandom no one has touched since 2017 >.<)

okay to ask [Marvel, Clint/Bucky] — in which everyone uses a consent settings system to help communicate what kinds of contact they're comfortable with

just trying to matter [Ted Lasso, Roy/Jamie/Keeley] — in which Roy is outed and Jamie comes out, and Keeley handles the PR

but for the grace [Ted Lasso, Roy/Jamie and Jamie/Keeley] — dimension-swap fic about Jamie from canon switching places with Jamie from a world where he's learned to manage his emotions

Made For This (The Yoga Breaks) [MCU, gen] — a character study of Bruce set during Endgame, focusing on his relationship with his body after he merges with the Hulk

Marvel, Clint/Bucky

No Consequences, No Hangovers — time loop fic where Clint repeatedly gets tied back-to-back with Bucky for hours on end

remembrances ⊻ memoria — in which Clint is immortal and Bucky kills him repeatedly over the course of decades

The House Recommends and The House Rules — no-powers AU in which Clint likes to hook up and Bucky is a bartender who tells him who he should bang

burning the hole where I lay and the decision to want — in which Bucky is on a mission to kill all the HYDRA agents that tortured him, and Clint is a hooker with information Bucky wants

something in consciousness — in which Clint and Bucky both keep having the same wet dream at the same time

This Is Why We Can Have Nice Things — Christmas fluff with a coffee Advent calendar

Targeted Areas — gym bros AU, with sexually-charged partnered bodyweight exercises

you didn't hear that — in which they're roommates and Bucky can hear Clint jerking off with his super-senses

Awful Taste But Great Execution — celebrity/fan AU leaning hard on the starstruck crush angle

second watch — in which there are lots of cuddles and clothes-sharing and Clint cannot explain any part of his bizarre wardrobe

Snuggly Like the Wolf — in which Bucky is a werewolf but always sleeps through his shifts

untitled tumblr ficlet in which Clint habitually says "I love you" to everyone except Bucky

untitled tumblr ficlet about the discovery of the Hand of Irelugi because I'm a nerd

Ted Lasso, Roy/Jamie

the exact nature of our wrongs — fake dating fic in which Roy reluctantly helps Jamie kick his alcohol problem

Check and Mate and the best way to spend a night — soulmate AU in a world where soulbonds are triggered by kissing, so people kiss strangers a lot

if you want something — in which Jamie has been fantasizing about getting a spanking from Roy Kent for a very, very long time

more of the thing you just got a taste of — in which Jamie hates Roy and also can't get enough of his dick

Mounting Available On Request — in which Roy accidentally hires a hooker and it's Jamie

Player On Loan — in which Jamie likes Keeley to lend him out to people for sex like a toy

Unmentionables — lingerie kink, that's it that's the fic

The Down Low — in which Jamie finds Roy on Grindr

just do it — consent play, that's it that's the fic

The Core Issue — in which Jamie thinks apples are all the same and Roy forcibly educates him

Russian Doll

you can call any old time [gen] — it always bugged me that they never tried to exchange numbers, so I wrote about why they couldn't

Check Please

A Few Eggs [Kent/Jack/Bitty] — the long-overdue kinky threesome sequel to Omelets, in which Bitty is the consummate hostess in both senses of the word "consummate"

[justinmoviereviews]

The Class of 2016

This will be updated, and reviews are subject to be totally meaningless. Sometimes I just don’t feel like writing about a movie, ya know?

Free State of Jones - Gary Ross

This movie looks amazing. I’ll be honest, I didn’t pay a lot of attention. It’s really long. Matthew McConaughey frees the slaves, or something. It looks and sounds great. It made me want to live in the south. Anyway, with this I’m done obsessively watching movies from 2016. I don’t think there were any masterpieces from last year, but it definitely popped out a couple really solid movies. I'm not so into rankings, but here are my top six, and they are truly in no order at all. These are just the six movies from last year that I would hang on my wall:

The Lobster Manchester By The Sea Everybody Wants Some! Green Room Hell or High Water Moonlight

Hacksaw Ridge - Mel Gibson

You can skip the first hour of this--we probably don’t need another movie where a guy falls in love with a girl and then holds firm to his convictions, especially when it’s done in a way as hackneyed as this one is--but the second half is awesome. The ultra-bloody war movie you’d expect from the guy who made a snuff film about Jesus.

Hidden Figures - Theodore Melfi

Say this for these kinds of movies: they’re getting better. The black characters have more agency, the white characters are less benevolent. At the very least, this movie seems like it was edited by someone with a good handle on why inspirational Hollywood stories about black people so often feel like they’re designed to make white people feel good about themselves. In this movie a black character flips out at her unfair treatment in a room full of white people, the titular figures solve their own problems without the help of benevolent crackers, and Kevin Costner’s colorblindness stems less from some future anachronistic moral code than from his being too obsessed with his project to notice anything else. This is a perfectly adequate crowd pleaser, and it’s not offensive. Take your girlfriend.

Suicide Squad - David Ayer

Comic book origin stories are so stupid. In the real world, government agents don’t pitch presentations on recruiting super heroes, because in the real world there aren’t super heroes. I might like these movies better if they didn’t try to take place in the same planet where people file w-4s. Maybe it’s Christopher Nolan’s fault for doing it semi-plausibly. Whatever. I’m not a comic book guy. At all. An airplane is the only setting in which I will ever watch this movie from beginning to end. But I like Will Smith a lot, and I like Margot Robbie.

The Accountant - Gavin O’Connor

Ignore the haters. This movie rocks. 

Ghostbusters - Paul Feig

Ignore Milos Yiannopoulos’s pedophile ass. This movie rocks.

Florence Foster Jenkins - Stephen Frears

Eh, they’ve made worse. Stephen Frears really seems to like old ladies.

The Magnificent Seven - Antoine Fuqua

Any movie that has Chris Pratt avoid death by performing card tricks is not going to be as cool as it wants to be, but this is a fun movie to watch. I’m always gonna go with the half-assed western over the half-assed comic book movie. And Denzel Washington can still do this shit better than anyone even when it’s in between takes of Fences.

Hell or High Water - David Mackenzie

Killing Them Softly is a movie about a bunch of underworld criminals tightening their belts and pumping their auditor to save money in a down economy. It’s soundtracked by political speeches from the 2008 Presidential election. It’s one of my favorite movies in recent memory. I’m a sucker for flicks that foreground the sociopathic nature of the banking industry as a regular feature in American life. I’m also a sucker for westerns, and for manly movies where everyone is an alcoholic. This is so much smarter and more controlled than it needed to be. It’s a minor masterpiece.

The Founder - John Lee Hancock

Nobody is better at playing a regular-ass uncharismatic scrub than Michael Keaton. Not Matt Damon in the Informant! Definitely not George Clooney in the Descendants. This might be the first straight biopic I’ve ever actually liked. A middle class striver opportunes himself into a goldmine, and eventually becomes successful enough that he can start acting like a shithead.

Nocturnal Animals - Tom Ford

This movie starts to fall apart about 20 minutes after you finish watching it--a dark thriller about a guy standing up his ex-wife on a dinner date? But in the world where style trumps substance, this is a masterpiece. Dark, foreboding, atmospheric, with a great cast and a killer score. Was a strong contender for trailer of the year. Michael Shannon should be in every movie.

Everybody Wants Some!! - Richard Linklater

Linklater splits the difference between his love of the pseudo-intellectual conversation and his unparalleled ability to show young adults hanging out. The baseball team’s voluntary summer practice is easily the best scene of the year. His best movie since Dazed and Confused.

The Lobster - Yorgos Lanthimos

The dialogue--and the movie--is like someone breathed life into stick figures and forced them to fuck or face unspeakable consequences. There’s a lot of “do you like the beach? I like the beach because I like looking at the ocean. I’m glad you also like the beach,” like these characters aren’t human but are desperately trying to fake it. Too weird and too singular to be the movie of the year, but I had a huge grin on my face during every batshit second of this.

Sausage Party - Conrad Vernon and Greg Tiernan

Let’s be honest, no one gets a freer pass than Seth Rogen. Once upon a time studios considered the big budget comedy a viable genre, and gave careers to people like Adam Sandler and Jim Carrey and Will Ferrell and Mike Judge, all joke-writers who, at their laziest, were pound-for-pound funnier than Rogen is (except for Sandler, who for the past 20 years has been less funny than the average Geico commercial). For better or worse I spent my teenage years quoting movies like Super Troopers and Detroit Rock City. Does anyone quote Superbad? Or This Is The End? The funny thing about my back is...I guess.

Having Judd Apatow’s affection didn’t used to be enough to monopolize a genre, is what I’m saying. And yet, there’s a pretty huge but coming. Because I thoroughly enjoyed this movie. Seth Rogen has a gift for premises that none of those other joke-writers did. At heart he’s a very smart art nerd. He’s not really that funny. He relies way too much on dick jokes and swearing. But he’s figured out how to lean on his funny friends. And with Sausage Party, he’s figured out how to emulate the topsy-turvy cleverness of Pixar, and turn it into something as watchable as any of the movies they make.

The Birth of a Nation - Nate Parker

There are better movies, but it’s never gonna get old to watch slaves murder slave owners in the antebellum south. 

20th Century Women - Mike Mills

A movie of tiny moments that point to a specific moment in the lives of five people and the intricacy of their relationships. It identifies the profundity of little moments better than Boyhood, and the characters are as well sketched as any others in any other movie I can think of. So Jesus, why do I feel so cold about it? Is it because there’s a political sourness I can’t shake away? Because it feels kinda like Mike Mills wants points for being a real feminist? When this movie feels like a coming of age story, or a story about five people bouncing off each other in well-meaning but not-entirely-beneficial ways, it’s as good as it gets. When it feels like the next step in men writing deep female characters so the Huffington Post genuflects to them, I’m out. Or maybe I just don’t always give a shit about coming of age stories anymore. It’s one or the other.

Sully - Clint Eastood

Sooner or later, after he’s alienated the last living millennial by campaigning for President Trump in 2020, Clint Eastwood is going to shuffle off this mortal coil into whatever Valhalla awaits his generation of stoic American men, and we’re really going to miss him. He tells unfussy stories about uncomplicated heroes living in a decent world with clear cut moral guidelines. Here he turns a high-stakes true event into a medium-stakes story about a guy doing his job well. This is his best late-period movie.

Love and Friendship - Whit Stillman

Fans of Comedy Central may be familiar with a show called Another Period, where comedian Natasha Legerro plays a comically horrible social climbing society woman from some manored century, in a send up of Jane Austen costume dramas that nonetheless carries a feminist streak because of how put upon the women are. I occasionally have it on while I do other things, and I don’t dislike it. Like many late-night alt-comedy shows, it could be great with a bigger budget and more ambition attached to it. As I was first typing this review up, I accidentally wrote Another Period at the top instead of Love and Friendship.

Cafe Society - Woody Allen

Woody Allen has so mastered the epiphany that life doesn’t exist on a moral plane that even when he is on the autoest of autopilots he still handles the observation with profundity (Hannah and her Sisters is his philosophical masterpiece, and I would say unquestionably his best movie). This movie is very much on the autoest of autopilots, and Allen still is a writer first and a director second, but this is good territory for him. On the acting: Steve Carrell is funny and charming and seems like a great guy, but he’s not always a good actor, and he’s miscast here. Jesse Eisenberg is ehhh as the moderately more handsome young Woody Allen character (he kills the movie’s comic highlight, where he meets a first-time hooker). Kristen Stewart is the best actor here, handling second-rate Woody dialogue not as an Annie Hall or as a Kristen Stewart, but as a character of her own creation. 

The Neon Demon - Nicolas Winding Refn

Refn wants to make sound and light shows. He doesn’t want characters, he wants mannequins. He doesn’t want plot, he wants to set up perfect shots. I ultimately came out high on Drive, but made fun of it for being Eurotrash. Now I realize it was more like his version of a studio compromise. This is the kind of movie Refn wants to make--the kind of movie so devoid of external input that Keanu Reeves showing up as a pedophile murderer qualifies as fan service. I can see Refn thinking this is his masterpiece. I can’t imagine a single other person on earth actually riding for it.

The Witch - Robert Eggers

Religion is more fun to ponder than to hate on, which is why Silence is a more interesting movie than the Witch. This movie can and should be weirder and scarier than it is, but it spends too much time showing it’s family devolve into superstitious madness and not enough time bringing home that fucked up bacon. It needs more bleeding goats, is what I’m saying. But stay for that ending, because it’s a good one.

Silence - Martin Scorsese

There are times, during some of Andrew Garfield’s narration, or when the camera flashes to a photo of a suffering Jesus, when this movie starts to veer into Bergman territory--Silence is the most Bergmanish movie title since Shame--but Scorsese doesn’t really make art films in that way. His movies are more literal, more grounded in plot, their darkness is violent and visceral. One could argue that a movie like this is more subtle than anything made by the Swedish depressive. One could also argue that it just has less going on. It’s a tough one, not that it’s hard to watch, but it’s hard to comprehend. As for the easy stuff--it looks great, the acting’s great, the writing is smart as hell (and I can’t emphasize that enough. There’s a character who serves as both a figurative mind-fuck and as goofy comic relief). Still kickin’ around at 74, nobody is better at making these things than Marty is. The question the movie asks, I think, is that it’s easy to die on the cross for God, but letting other people die for him? That’s a whole lot harder. And if he isn’t even there? Well then, you’re a terrorist.

La La Land - Damian Chazelle

If this weren’t the runaway Oscar favorite, I wouldn’t have seen it. The question is, would anyone have? If something is getting raves from smart people I assume it’s good, and if it doesn’t look good than I assume it’s subversive somehow. So what is this? A throwback. Damian Chazelle is the only guy right now making movies inspired by “Singin’ in the Rain.” I mean, see this one a theater and yeah, it’s a good time. But don’t buy it or call it the best movie of the year or anything. That’s crazy.

Moonlight - Barry Jenkins

If we weren’t starved for movies about black people, would this movie be so canonized? And if it wasn’t so canonized, would anyone have seen it? Kind of this year’s boyhood, where seemingly random moments in a person’s childhood may or may not be key life-shaping events. What’s most impressive is how the moments depicted are both good and bad. This isn’t Precious. It isn’t some poverty-life horror show. Here’s a kid burdened by vulnerabilities living a sort-of normal life told in vignettes. Poignant. Kinda boring though.

Fences - Denzel Washington

Denzel Washington reading the phone book would be a good movie, which is good, because this movie is basically him reading a phone book. Just kidding! The first hour is perfect--immaculate acting, phenomenal writing, compelling story-telling. The second hour lost me. This is a movie (or play) where the main character tells his wife that he’s impregnated his mistress and that he plans on staying with her. Okay. Then, after his mistress gives birth she dies on the operating table. The main character is devastated, but truthfully, for both him and the story, what incredible good luck!

Allied - Robert Zemeckis

This is a bad movie for two reasons: the plot and the acting. The plot--what if my wife’s a spy? Oh no! She is!--is surprising, but not in a good way. The acting is a bigger problem. Brad Pitt is the coolest guy in Hollywood, probably one of my five favorite actors, and capable of really good stuff, but when you give him traditional leading man roles and don’t figure out how to make him be interesting in them, he’s incredibly dull. Benjamin Button had this problem. Allied has it even more.

Manchester by the Sea - Kenneth Lonergan

I don’t think a single person reads this blog but I still don’t want to spoil this movie so I won’t talk about the ending. But holy fuck. The definition of a slow burn, as in you’re gonna fall apart in the car halfway home from the theater. Best Oscar bait movie of the year for sure. Maybe best movie of the year.

Inferno - Ron Howard

I have never read a Dan Brown book, but the Da Vinci Code is my favorite TBS movie, and Angels and Demons is probably my second, so it gives me no pleasure to tell the truth here, which is that this movie sucks.

The Girl on the Train - Tate Taylor

I am still baffled by Gone Girl the movie, mostly because it isn’t good, so give this one credit for being the pulpy garbage Gone Girl pretends it isn’t. But the more I thought about this movie, which I very much enjoyed at the time, the more sour I got. It’s pulpy garbage, redeemed in part by Emily Blunt who pulls a Jake Gyllenhaal in Nightcrawler and crushes this role like Steve Smith crushed the Panthers after they cut him.

Arrival - Denis Villeneuve

Oh no, I’m already getting bored of writing these. The New Yorker’s review of this movie is perfect and I wouldn’t disagree with any of it. This is a movie that sets its premise up perfectly and then yada yadas over the entire substance of its plot. I still score it very high though, because the twist is borrowed from my favorite Kurt Vonnegut novel, and because I love the way the aliens look.

Midnight Special - Jeff Nichols

Jeff Nichols hasn’t made his masterpiece yet, but he’s in danger of becoming my favorite director. If he turns Michael Shannon and Joel Edgerton--two guys great at exploring the decency of masculinity--into his regular acting troupe the danger gets even greater. I watched this one on a plane, which is the worst setting possible to watch a movie with a substantial portion of its budget devoted to its special effects, and the ending rings a little underwhelming (would be better on a normal-sized TV) but nobody does male characters as well as Nichols. Also, and look for this refrain whenever he shows up in a movie, nobody in Hollywood right now is more interesting or exciting than Adam Driver, even in this role, which kinda short-changes him.

10 Cloverfield Lane - Dan Trachtenberg

Another airplane watch, and another movie I come to praise for its acting and then complain that the special effect ending didn’t work on me. There are questions without answers in this movie which bugs the hell out of me, but I’m glad to see my man from the Newsroom and the girl from Scott Pilgrim getting work. Mostly, I’m glad to see one of our finest actors, John Goodman, play someone other than a dad. Let me explain to you something the Coen brothers already know: It is long, long past time for the Goodmanaissance. He should have five Oscars for his performance in the Gambler alone.

The BFG - Stephen Spielberg

Classic kid’s book becomes movie kids will like.

Our Kind of Traitor - Susanna White

Dud Le Carre novel becomes forgettable, poorly directed movie. High point: Stellan Skarsgard, and you get to see his penis.

The Shallows - Jaume Collet-Serra

Hollywood is as snobby and irrationally biased as anyone, but take away the budget and the spectacle and this movie isn’t that different than the Revenant. I mean that is a compliment, I liked both movies a lot. But while the Revenant won Leo his Oscar--something not even Scorsese could do--this one is never going to escape its proximity to Sharknado and its T&A qualities. Blake Lithely, last seen trying to score Oxy from Jon Hamm, equips herself very well.

Sing Street - John Carney

Irish mise-en-scene is great, music’s even better, the older brother relationship is fun and sweet and might even choke you up. There are plot issues you’re a dick for bringing up, but they’re there. Apologies. Also, if you haven’t, go see the Commitments.

The Nice Guys - Shane Black

Ryan Gosling was the revalation here which is weird to me because he’d already showed off all these tricks in the Big Short. He’s better there, in my opinion, and Russell Crowe as the pudgy decent badass is who really carries the day. Hannibal Burress shows up as a bumblebee in the greatest cameo since whenever the last time Tom Waits showed up in a movie. This one starts with a ton of promise, and gets increasingly rote until by the end the heroes are in the same shoot out Shane Black’s been making for 30 years. Funny though, and if they make a sequel I’ll see it.

The Forest - Jason Zada

I briefly belonged to a gym with a big dark room where a bunch of treadmills pointed towards a giant screen TV, and they’d show movies. Sometimes they’d show real movies like A Force Awakens and Concussion (which I never caught all of so I won’t review here but the parts I saw were surprisingly damn good), and sometimes they’d show cheap direct to video horror movies, like a movie about a house break-in that I’m positive was financed by a home security company, and this one. I actually liked this one, purely because it looks real good and it takes place in the Aokigahara Forest in Japan, which I’d never heard of before but got really interested in.

Green Room - Jeremy Saulnier

A grindhouse flick with Patrick Stewart nicely underplaying a psycho neo-nazi, this isn’t as good as Blue Ruin--one of the best movies of the past five years--but it’s pretty damn good.

The Jungle Book - Jon Favreau

There’s a scene in this movie where Scarlett Johansson plays a snake that alone is worth the price of admission, even at the bumped up 3D price. The movie doesn’t ever get that dark again, but the fact that someone had the idea to Dark Knight up the Jungle Book, and it worked as well as it did, is flabbergasting. 

Hail, Caesar! - Joel and Ethan Coen

I don’t know how people who aren’t inclined to like every Coen brothers movie feel about this one--my mom and sister hated it--but I loved it. Weird, goony, centered around a bizarre communist subversion subplot that ultimately means nothing, this is the Coens at their not-giving-a-fuck best. In fact, skip La La Land and watch this subversive throwback to Hollywood’s gilded age instead. It’s way more fun and way more evil, and stars the god Josh Brolin.

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Nice work Never Underestimate An Old Woman With Cats And Sewing Skills Vintage shirt . I love models based on vehicles in movies and one of these years. I’m going to follow your lead on this tank. I was at the IPMS Nationals recently and there was a conversion of a T-34/85 to a “Tiger” just like in Kelly’s Heroes, the builder had a binder full of photos and research material he used to do the conversion. Thanks for posting this, very inspirational. Thank you! I was considering doing a diorama with the tiger tank as well.Never Underestimate An Old Woman With Cats And Sewing Skills Vintage shirt, hoodie, sweater, longsleeve and ladies t-shirt

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Unisex Great work and effort in getting the weird variant right Never Underestimate An Old Woman With Cats And Sewing Skills Vintage shirt . Fantastic movie. For all their faults, I do love old war movies with odd vehicles used, especially representing German vehicles. Thanks. Yeah, the variant was pretty odd. At one point I thought “Is it worth trying so hard to recreate a vehicle variant that wasn’t even used in World War 2 for a movie that was about World War 2?”. I’m loving all the Kelly’s Heroes love. I just realized I didn’t even put the title of the movie in the description, and people are still sharing favorite moments and quotes. I did find a bell, but they were too big for the tank. But good idea nevertheless. Attacked the wrong hill. “Accidentally wiped out a half a company of G.I.’s. Somebody had to get the blame and he got picked.” Thank you for the compliment. My favorite scene is probably the paint exploding on the tiger tank and Eastwood’s subtle yet surprised reaction to it. One of the funniest and craziest movies that I have watched. Both Clint Eastwood and Donald Sutherland were great. Thanks for this reminder! Need to watch it again. We’re not worried about the German army, we got enough troubles of our own. To our right, General Patton. And the only good thing to say about the weather is it keeps our own air corps from blowin’ us all to hell because it’s too lousy to fly, verse?!? Such a strange film in that Garner’s character nearly destroys his Sherman in order to save a hooker with a “heart of gold”. It’s peculiar how many Hollywood films involve prostitutes but then writers are told to “write what you know”. You Can See More Product: https://luxuryt-shirt.com/product-category/trending/ Read the full article