#actually it's something that disappoints me in mass effect

[baejax-the-great]

I definitely was the cliche kid with the marine biologist phase, but on god I am still in my xenobiologist phase it is the dream it is the dREAM I want it so bad

[fariesoiree]

Absolutely feral for the aphrodisiac chocolate drabble! what would have happened if you extended it into an entire fic? 👀👀 *wink wink*

hmmm should i? i usually don’t really plan on extending any of my drabbles n i actually don’t go back n reread them bc they’re vastly different from how i write now ( 2 me ) but that one gets a lot of love

that being saiddddd idk if i’d actually ever extend it but here’s a little something of what would happen later that day broken down into two liddol moments bc bc bc idk if i would write it and if i dooo i don’t wanna spoil it c: mdni black fem coded reader unedited

the car ride back to your university apartment. that had to be one of the most tense moments hobie has even been in, even when he compares it to all the times he’s spent flying through the air with multiple near misses from the amount of concrete rubble thrown at him from half human-half animal villains hellbent on ruining new york.

he is ultimately forced to next to you, breathing in the smell of your sweet perfume. today, he watched you spritz the yellow sol de janero —brazilian crush cheirosa 62 —bottle over your body, naked and highlighted in a dewy sheen from the baby oil you applied to your damp skin, fresh out the shower.

the thought makes his dick absolutely throb in his jeans, baggy but somehow still tight. he’s abandoned the mass of silvery and studded belts, throwing them across the backseat of your sedan. occasionally, when you slow for a red light or make a less than smooth turn around the corner, the buckles jingle and clank against each other.

his brain is muddied with images of your body, basking golden in the sunlight. he remembers lazing about, strewn across your bed and watching in adoration as you get ready for the outing. he’s mad at himself for not taking advantage of the opportunity and sweeping you off your feet, never mind that the aphrodisiac hadn’t had an effect.

“you sure you can’t pull over and give me head?”

your eyes are blown wide, truly in shock that after just fucking your face in the mall dressing room, he wants to go again. not even ten minutes ago, you were swallowing his cum and being dragged towards the exit promptly after. “what? hobie, i drive a fishbowl. that’s literally illegal.”

“so then pull somewhere empty. i’ll give you head, first. consider it a reward.” hobie thumbs at the bottom of your sweater, reaching over the middle console and hooking his fingers under the buttery smooth material. the pads of his appendages rubs against your skin and for a moment, your heart begins to race.

“hobart larry brown.” you have to force your voice to remain still and firm despite the turmoil building inside you. he’s too convincing with his sly words and suggestive touches. he’s the one under the influence and here he is, influencing you.

he clicks his tongue and disappointment and pulls his hand away. much like how you would, he huffs out a breath of air and crosses his arms over his chest. out the corner of your eye, you can see his legs wide open in a manspread. “fine. be a boring conformist.”

it’s comical how fast hobie pushed you through the entryway door to your apartment. you suppose you would have laughed when you stumbled over the long laces of your air forces if the context hadn’t been so provocative. you would have giggled when hobie circles his arms around your waist and lift you in the air. instead, you consider yourself lucky that your roommates aren’t in the common space to witness this, and possibly not here at all.

regardless, hobie would have done the same. he would have paraded into your room and slammed the door shut if they were here or not. he does it now, setting you down as gently as he can manage against your bed, softened by the mattress topper and flushed sheets.

he’s impatient and you can tell because he nearly forgets to lock the door behind him. had you not reminded him, pointing to the brass doorknob, it would have escaped him entirely.

it’s in record time that he’s got your legs spread and one pushed into the comforter, knee bent and trembling in the air. he slurps and suckles your cunt, dripping in runny arousal. hobie’s is relentless, stuck in an infinite cycle of trying to milk your cunt dry despite the never ending arousal that gushes out.

you can sob and cry all you want but he isn’t deterred. if anything, it’s encouragement. it’s like positive reinforcement to taste you like this, indulging in the subtle taste of sour acidity — completely natural and hobie’s favorite drug.

back arching of the sage green bedsheets, you’re body is already spent. hobie hasn’t put a single thing inside your throbbing pussy. not his dick, not his fingers, just the wet, warm muscle of his tongue wriggling and toying with your cunt. you’re delirious after cumming three times in the last few minutes, each weaker than the last.

“icanticanticant —!” your palm comes in contact with hobie’s coarse wicks, and not for the first time either. his forehead feels warm beneath it, clammy with a thin layer of sweat from exerting such physical activity.

pop! hobie’s hand falls hot against your skin. from between your legs, he lifts his head with a scowl. his face reflects an expression you’ve never seen on him before, as if you’re stepped between him and his greatest desire. “try that shit again, bug. see what i do to you.”

you’re hesitant to move, knowing that once you do, the onslaught of his tongue would proceed again. it just barely borders a dull sensation of pain and has you convinced there’s no more you can give him so quickly and back-to-back. still, your body has been manipulated into craving him. you need more; your nerves are certain of it.

you don’t move fast enough for hobie’s liking. his stare hardens and he raises a thick brow. you’re still restricting his access when he sits up a little more. “i’m not playing with your lil’ ass. move your fuckin’ hand or i’m tying them back.”

he’s never spoken to you this way, not once. not even in your most intimate and heated moments under the privacy of the night and locked away in one of your rooms. his tone invokes a carnal desire and you comply, slowly pulling your hand away.

you sort of expect praise, some form of acknowledgment that you did something right. yet, nothing like that comes. the only that happens is the resuming of hobie’s mouth against your cunt.

[marzipanandminutiae]

Rating the Femme en Noir Crimson Peak collection when I should be going to bed (it's not ALL critical, actually!)

no judgment at all to people who like the collection. nothing can achieve higher than a 7/10 because it's all synthetic. let's get into it

Edith Victorian Gown in Ivory

...yeah! that's basically Edith's nightgown copied exactly, so it's a 7/10 from me

2. Lady Lucille Victorian Dress With Capelet In Teal

What. um. What does this have to do with anything Lucille wears? It's blue velvet and it's a dress; there the similarities end. Why is there a ruffly capelet? That's something Edith wears, not Lucille. Why are there leg-o-mutton sleeves? Why is there no trim whatsoever? (that last is to become a running theme.) 3/10.

3. Allerdale Moth Wallpaper Babydoll Dress in Olive

There's a longer version, and were it a natural fabric, I'd be tempted to buy it and alter it into a blouse and over-skirt or something. This one is honestly pretty cute, though I forget what part of the house this wallpaper appears in. 7/10.

4. Edith Victorian Knit Cardigan in Olive

I get that they want to modernize these things for their target audience, but the original being SO much more fitted and sumptuous-looking just makes this one look sad. It's like Wish.com Edith. 5/10 for at least keeping the little velvet pumpkins.

5. Ghost Shoulder Bag

If this were leather, I would buy it. Not a huge fan of Margaret being the ghost on the front, though- I feel like Enola or Eleanor would be more photogenic. Poor Margaret. 6/10 though they're lucky I don't take points off for calling it "vegan leather" in the description. Be honest- it's plastic.

6. Belladonna Maxi Dress in Crimson Red

This is just an existing product of theirs But In Red. Pretty, but 4/10 for lack of effort.

7. Lady Mourning Victorian Gown in Black

It's the nightgown in black with a sash. Try harder. 3/10 and I'm skipping any color repeats labeled as different dresses from here on out.

8. Mourning Victorian Bonnet in Black

You know what? Yeah. Sure! That's a cute bonnet. Good job. 7/10.

9. Lace Mourning Scarf Veil in Black.

You can get a yard of nylon chantilly lace for less than $28, pretty as this looks. 5/10.

10. Victorian Cycling Pullover Sweater in Black

I mean. I guess. What does this have to do with Crimson Peak, exactly? Why is "Lucille" wearing puffed sleeves when, again, her clothing being tight has so much character logic behind it? It's a mystery. 5/10.

11. Victorian Velvet Bustle Skirt in Black

This didn't photograph well, but it appears to have some cool pleat details. I don't like 19th-century skirts getting shortened, but that's more a matter of personal preference than reaction to movie inspiration or lack thereof. 6/10.

12. Taffeta Edwardian Blouse in Marigold

This comes in multiple colors, but I picked the marigold because it illustrates that Wish.com effect once again.

The OG bodice from the movie that they're clearly trying to evoke. It has DETAIL! it has TRIM! It has LUSH FABRIC! And obviously you can't do that with a mass-produced piece, but ye gods, why would you set yourself up for failure by trying? If they hadn't gone for the look of a specific movie costume, their blouse wouldn't look disappointing by comparison. 5/10

13. Wicker Tilt Hat With Black Veil

Once again I feel they shot themselves in the foot here. It's cute! But it suffers by trying to be something that was better in the movie.

Not great by comparison; it's TOO close without going all the way. 6/10 because it is cute, though.

[skipped a bunch more veils and some lace mitts, which were cute but have nothing to do with How Well Or Poorly The CPeak Inspiration Was Executed In My Opinion]

14. Victorian Hands Belt in Silver

THIS IS NOT THE CRIMSON PEAK HAND BELT. THIS IS NOT EVEN TRYING TO BE THE CRIMSON PEAK HAND BELT. DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS?

IT IS THIS 1970S BELT- WHICH, LIKE THE ONE IN THE MOVIE, IS NOT BASED ON ANY VICTORIAN ORIGINAL THAT I'M AWARE OF -THAT HAS BEEN COPIED 50000 TIMES. DO YOURSELF A FAVOR AND WAIT FOR CUTTLE AND BONE TO HAVE ANOTHER PREORDER OF ACTUAL CPEAK HAND BELTS. 0/10.

Conclusion: Not all bad, but I feel like I actually would have gone in a more modern direction with the resources and limitations of this collection. You're never going to be as good as the movie costumes at their own game, not with mass-manufactured pieces. So why set yourself up for failure? Bringing the characters, themes, and motifs to a yet-unexplored time and place (with some Victwardian touches, of course!) seems like it would have been a better way to go about this, IMO.

Also stop being allergic to trim when you're taking inspiration from a movie with oodles of passementerie and beadwork and lace all over everything.

5/10 overall.

[bulbabutt]

not to still be all up in arms about the transformers religion but holy fuck, robots having religion is nothing new, they can have theology! that makes sense! robots who are fully sentient seeking out a reason for their souls is totally fine! im not saying the transformers shouldnt believe in primus or the all spark or believe in the 13 primes that whole thing works, it just bothers me that the canon of their religion is canon to the story. why is their planet LITERALLY their god. why is their religion based in literal history. i shouldnt even call it their religion, its just their canonical history. thats the problem! it comes from the perspective of writers who see religious doctrine as real history!

it also sucks for the nature of the robot as a concept! instead of being machines so advanced they are sentient, they are now fully formed beings granted souls by their god. thats no longer synthetic life conceptually, is it? that is a higher being creating life out of nothing. the concept of robots comes from slave labour, machines created by man to further their own advancements. machines created by organic life, not machines granted life by an ethereal being. they were created as commentary on capitalism. it asks the question "if this life is created synthetically, but it forms sentient thought, it is alive?". most other stories containing robots do this. think about overwatch's omnics, mass effects geth, star trek characters like data and the doctor, we the audience see them as alive but people in their worlds have to debate about it. that is the point of science fiction, to have theological discussions about robots.

what disappoints me about transformers isnt the changing of the lore, but the fact they couldnt conceive of anything more interesting to say about robots. i was watching g1 thinking "i cant wait to see future adaptations take this concept and flesh it out", and watching these adaptations strip the nature of the robot entirely from the lore in place of some all powerful god really sucks! imagine if their theology was the same, but their history was not. imagine robots who believe their planet is their god in spite of not actually knowing that to be true. wouldnt that be conceptually more interesting? wouldnt that say something?

instead of a unicron who is just a cosmic horror, a rogue planet who hungers for other worlds to sustain itself, unicron now represents all evil in the universe. hes a being of pure evil, existing as the equal and opposite to the canonically good god primus, the planet of cybertron. that ruins the concept to me. theyre taking the fun of science fiction out of it, turning it into basic "all good in the universe comes from god". it takes the choice of being good or evil out of it. giving them literal souls takes them choosing to say they have souls out of it. it takes the choice of valuing biological life away from the robots themselves to say that it is simply evil to not.

maybe some adaptation i havent gotten to yet will say something else, but as it stands right now im just so disappointed that this is the route it took.

[c-rowlesdraws]

Which ME3 ending do you prefer and why? I like your kindness, and I wonder how that showed up in your ME3 ending choice.

thank u. Between Destroy and Control (Synthesis is a nonserious choice as far as I'm concerned), I like the Control ending better, because:

- it makes the whole quarian-geth peaceful reconciliation actually mean something for both people moving forwards into an uncertain future, instead of just being like "lol j/k all the geth are dead now anyway I guess" - Shepard dying in a grand self-sacrificing way at the end of the trilogy makes a lot of thematic sense and makes a great dramatic finish, instead of just being like "lol j/k they're alive it's fine yayyy Shepard!"

- now the Reapers imbued with Shep's will or consciousness or whatever supposedly happened can be called the Shepherds by future generations, and it's like a neat pun that now can have been foreshadowed since the beginning of the trilogy - after all of EDI's two-game journey and character development and affirmation of her personhood, she doesn't have to collapse and die like a puppet with her strings cut without getting to even have an opinion about it. I agree with some people's argument that she would choose to die for the cause anyway, but it still bothers me that that choice is taken from her in Destroy. and that's it! Way, way too much digital ink already has and continues to be spilled about how the Mass Effect endings did or did not disappoint and fail and what each of them "means" and which is "the best one" and it's actually kind of tiring when there are so many other aspects to the series that are more fun to discuss, so this is all I will or want to say about them. Thank you for asking me, though-- I appreciate it!

[box-architecture]

which are the aus You have more on your ming latetly?

A mixture of them!

I'm staring at the Dreambur AU I have (Strangers Vassal) and wondering if I should post what I had planned for it to look like. I'm struggling a lot with writing it, partially because I don't have a lot of people to bounce ideas off of, partially because it's an AU that would have a lot of fight scenes, something I don't have a lot of experience in and am unsure how to proceed with.

I really enjoy the concept of it, and I want to write for it, but it might once again turn into a bunch of shortfics in a series rather than the longfic I originally wanted. It's disappointing that I can't seem to consistently write longfics, but if I don't accept the limitation I might risk not getting anything done at all, and that's potentially more disappointing.

The Communication Knife AU is almost always on my mind. It's evolved from just pure demons and rotations to being a huge comfort that I can just idly think about throughout the day.

It's really neat, because I started out as a Dream-centric multishipper who wasn't sure if I could vibe with Punz and Sam closing the triangle, but after marinating in the idea, it's now really important to me that they become something too. They grow from two people fighting around their relationship with Dream to something based on trust and blunt honesty and Forgiveness Withoit Forgetting. They can be deeply affectionate with each other in a way thats different from their relationship with Dream. Not bad, not in a way that excludes him, just different.

The AU has also tentatively opened me up to exploring 2nd Gen characters, something I've literally never been capable of before. I have a lot of vague ideas for who gets together post-main story, and how those relationships works and why. Ponk/Foolish/XD is a ship for example, and I've designed a possible child for them? As well as designed Fooshs Totem children? It's always a maybe for if I actually want to give people kids, and it's not really the point of CKAU, it's just really fun to explore the rest of the smp in this sort of fix-it au and how it impacts their lives in the After of it all.

It's also helped me expand my Minecraft Lore and Worldbuilding Bible (how in my headcanon the mineacraft world works and its history/lore, including tying other media's like Hermitcraft and Maricraft to the dsmp to make everything part of the overall world.)

Writing CKAU post-story had also, ironically, made me enjoy benchtrio more, as I get to talk to my friends about their interpersonal dynamics and how they work and how they end up finally at peace. Especially considering Tubbo and Ranboo are bitterly divorced for a long time.

I had a lot of small ideas for a DNB Mass Effect AU in a similar vein to To Tear Asunder being my Dragon Age AU, but I feel really guilty getting into that when I haven't even finished the Philza fic or the Techno fic I have for the latter. I have significantly less people to bounce ideas off of for To Tear Asunder, which is why I struggle with it sometimes.

A lot of my writing in the beginning was done through utilizing my manic moods, but now that I'm better medicated/no longer constantly manic, it's led to me going a lot slower with writing. Demons (PWP stuff) are a lot easier to write, because they require significantly less scene set-up when I can use the sexual act as a template, and being horny-brained isn't particularly difficult.

(Also. No Plot Nessecary. Hence the Porn Without Plot. Plot is really exhausting to write sometimes.)

Obviously it's a lot better for my health that I'm no longer manic, but it's still disappointing that I can no longer work myself into a tizzy and write 30 pages of something (before collapsing and being unable to do anything at all for the next several days.) Give and take and all.

I briefly was very insane about Benchtrio fucking Dream in various ways. I made a whole Teacher/Student AU about it that's in my drafts, god willing I get my new laptop and can finish that up. I really enjoy CNC and bodice ripper type stuff, so it's pretty fun to explore crack AUs where Dream is just trying to be normal and the 3 most abnormal people in the world come into his life.

I'm not really a fan of the Tommy/Dream dynamic where Dream is preying on the Poor Helpless Child, especially because it has a habit of taking itself Very Seriously. I'm not looking for serious and dark and the villainization of Dream. It's a lot more fun for me to explore a strong, confident, and very tired 20-something desperately trying to figure out how to deal with the 17-18 year old being horny on main. Also it's just really interesting to me when the younger character takes advantage of normal social and power dynamics and subvert them so they can have the older character sub.

^I'm not sure if the explanation there is perfect or makes sense but I'm always happy to try to talk more about it if you'd like.

I have a little more of the Warden Hybrid!Dream type stuff in my head that I wanted to write out, mostly just a lot of Porn With Minimal Plot for purely kink reasons. I also have a Dream/Ravager fic I'm supposed to be posting, but God only knows when I can finish it. I need zoomies.

[tanjaded]

to be honest, i found youjo senki kind of disappointing? the premise is fun, but it proceeds to not do anything truly interesting with it, and it ends up kind of wehraboo-baity?

to be clear, i liked it, but idk. it'd be fun if she defected to the russy federation, or tried to leverage her military career to gain political influence, or engaged with the broader setting through some means other than the battlefield. i guess that would be a different show, in that case.

To be fair it's kinda a main point that she can't escape the battlefield despite her best (read: constantly misunderstood by other characters) efforts, the only reason she joined was to be in a better position knowing she'd be drafted as a frontline mage no matter what.

There's not much she can really do in the way of other options. Defection is unlikely, given all her resources (money specifically) is from the Imperial military and presumably in a Berun bank or something. And she's physically a child, so no one (outside of specific military personnel) would realistically take her seriously. Though, hopping on a boat to the US after withdrawing funds might be a possibility (one which *minor spoilers* the original webcomic actually contemplated at one point).

Politically, she runs into many of the same issues (youth, funds). And as a frontline mage who's ideas and elite battalion changed the direction of the war, in a military that prioritizes meritocracy, they'd never really let her be anywhere else but the frontline. However in a post-war or late-war setting it's absolutely possible, especially if she gets her story out to the masses and effectively spins it to frame her in the right lighting. Maybe she reconnects with the Veterans' club in Norden that the LN and manga show her interacting with.

Then again, that's why we have fanfic and fanart, to explore all the wider possibilities of the Youjo Senki universe that Carlo Zen never dived into or detailed. I will also add that after reading the LN's I'm less a fan of the anime too (Tanya is way too bloodthirsty/crazy compared to the source material), though I'm still fond of it since it introduced me to the series as a whole.

[counsellormurdock]

okay, posting some matt x peter, spideydevil stuff.

this is just a quick little blurb of nonsense that was inspired by tasm2 with peter hating the itsy bitsy spider song.

writing ft. foggy and jen walters and peter isn’t actually directly in this. but it’s fine. just, listen, this is ridiculous okay? my writing partner and i bantered about this and i wrote this for it.

🍸itsy bitsy

the annual new york law journal’s attorney of the year award banquet reached the point in the evening where those in attendance have switched from that air of professionalism while awards were accepted and speeches given, to taking full advantage of the open bar.

scheduled to end at 9:30, the reception hall was booked through until midnight. a tradition for those in attendance to enjoy themselves and let down their hair – as they say. foggy is seven pina colada’s deep, working on his eighth, with one of the little umbrellas tucked behind his ear.

matt, far more sensitive to the overall effect of alcohol, has gone shot for shot with jennifer walters. while not in her hulk form, matt has a slight advantage over her. that only lasts so long after the fifth shot, which was supposed to be high end tequila but was something far stronger, matt has to focus hard to work against the alcohol in his system.

it’s not that he’s a lightweight, six foot one and just over two hundred pounds, his body mass can easily handle the alcohol without concern of reaching dangerous levels. but the sensitive nature which matt experiences the world around him is quickly thrown out of equilibrium with the introduction of alcohol.

jennifer is ordering another round, “matt you gotta quit, you just gotta quit.” foggy warns, all to knowingly but too intoxicated himself to do anything about it.

“shush, franklin, i’m fine.” he isn’t, not really, but any consideration into his state is derailed when his phone rings. “hang on, peter’s calling me.”

‘the itsy bitsy spider crawled up the water spout –‘

“I hate that song, I hate that song so much.” peter says, after someone, for what had to be the umpteenth time, mocked spider-man with it while out on patrol.

“it’s not that bad of a song.” matt says, a suspicious smirk already covering his lips.

“it is a terrible song! if you had some children’s song about a daredevil people sing sarcastically at you, you’d feel the same.”

matt’s nodding, “yeah, of course, absolutely not going to set that song to your ring tone now.”

“matthew.” peter’s expression flat, the voice over feature on matt’s phone guiding him, out loud, to setting a customized song. “matthew!”

‘- down came the rain and –‘

“hello, mr. parker, i was just, thinking about you.” matt says, a little overzealous to be talking with his husband, despite doing so not even four hours previously.

on the other end of the line peter bites back a laugh, disappointed he couldn’t attend the banquet with matt this year due to his own engagements. however, still plans to be there to pick his intoxicated husband up in a cab to ensure he gets safely home. they hold a short conversation, coordinating times to meet and exchanging their goodbyes before hanging up.

jennifer is putting another shot glass into matt’s hand. “why is peter’s ring tone the itsy bitsy spider?” she asks, leaning against the bar. every other person that calls matt, his phone simply announces the caller’s name in a rather dull electronic voice.

“because he hates it.” foggy chimes in, had his fair share of hearing peter complain about it over the years.

matt’s nodding with a wicked grin, “yeah. although… it doesn’t really fit.” he leans towards jennifer, “’cuz i’ll tell you what, there’s nothing itsy bitsy about that spider.”

jennifer sputters a laugh, and even foggy is amusingly rolling his eyes, but in unison - “matthew! shut up.”

[commander-krios]

Happy SpecReqs 2023, @ginbiscuit! Hope you don't mind I took your last suggestion and did something with Shepard/Garrus. Have some mutual pining, friends to lovers, and sparring! Enjoy!

Special shoutout to my beta for this fic, @korblez <3

~~~~

Title: Collide

Summary: Shepard has never been afraid of anything in his entire life. So why is he suddenly terrified of what he feels for a certain turian vigilante?

Words: 4108

Rating: M

Relationship: Male Shepard/Garrus Vakarian

Additional Tags: Mutual Pining, Friends to Lovers, Banter, Sparring, Sexual Tension, Love Confessions, Friends With Benefits, Mass Effect 2, Fluff

Read on AO3

~~~~

“So, Shepard- No late night flings? What’s the word that humans call it? ‘One last hurray’?”

Shepard glanced up from the sandwich he’d been eating. Gardner claimed it was grilled cheese but cheddar didn’t have a weird tanginess to it that he pretended wasn’t there. He didn’t know where it came from, but it certainly wasn’t anywhere that had actual cows. Because anyone with taste buds could tell.

“Hurrah. And if you’re going to use human idioms, try to get them right.”

Trying to hide his disappointment in the evening meal, he settled back in his seat, taking in the sight of Garrus standing before him. It was still strange to see him dressed down in civilian clothing. The many years and missions they’d spent together had burned an image into his mind of Garrus in full combat gear, carrying that enormous sniper rifle he never left without. 

And now, with an accompanying scar.

Shepard wanted to be surprised that Garrus was still on the ship, but he wasn’t. Garrus spent most of his time working on the Hammerhead down in the shuttle bay, making sure it was ready for whatever mess they got into next. 

It wasn’t the Mako though and Garrus made sure everyone knew he preferred the tank to the hovercraft.

Shepard sighed, unsure of how to respond to his question because… well, that was just it, wasn’t it? Omega was a living, semi-breathing world just outside the airlock, waiting to be explored or fucked… or anything else really. But he didn’t find any of it as entertaining as the rest of the crew seemed to. While Miranda was probably doing some shady business for Cerberus, Samara and Thane most likely hunted bad people who needed to atone for their sins. Then there was Jack, Grunt, and Zaeed… most likely those three were causing some sort of trouble for Aria that he’d have to address before they left.

Still, the question irked him.

“I don’t do flings with random strangers or haven’t you noticed?” Shepard continued, pushing the plate with his sandwich away. Garrus was hovering just out of reach of the chair across from Shepard, shifting his feet awkwardly, his eyes searching his friend’s face. “The last thing I want to deal with is more of the crew’s problems.” He paused as he remembered why he avoided stepping foot on Omega when they docked. “Or Aria.”

Garrus chuckled, gripping the back of the chair in his hand, talons scraping against the padded back. “My time on Omega gave me some insight into a few things and one of those is ‘don’t bother Aria T’Loak if you want to keep all of your limbs’.” He pulled the chair out next, motioning with his other hand as if to say ‘may I?’ Some things transcended language and cultural barriers.

Shepard was unable to tear his eyes away from those talons. Memories of what Garrus could do with just a single touch during the few times they had spent “releasing” pent up energy and nerves were easy to recall. How simple it was to get lost in those blue eyes, in how Garrus had pressed him up against that ridiculous fish tank and-

Clearing his throat, Shepard crossed his legs, trying to hide the sudden problem in his pants. “Sure.”

Garrus sank into the chair and attempted to find a better position for his legs… which were so much longer than the space that the seat allowed. The Normandy was made for human heights, not turian despite having a lot of turian design. He still had trouble adjusting. He moved one leg under the table, but it was obviously uncomfortable, and then he shifted his entire body the opposite way. 

It was so completely absurd that Shepard had to fight for control over himself. If he laughed at Garrus this early in the conversation, he wouldn’t be able to get in his daily dose of mercilessly teasing him, usually over something so stupid that it would always get a laugh out of him. 

He loved his laugh.

Garrus glanced at the abandoned meal, teeth bared slightly in a look that meant disgust. “Spirits, what is that? Does it taste as awful as it smells?”

“Why? Did you want to try some?” He teased, a smirk curling his lips. Garrus might not be able to actually eat it, but that never stopped Shepard from poking fun at him. “I thought you already ate your delicious dextro-paste.” 

Garrus glanced at him, mandible twitching. “Willing to share? I didn’t realize you cared, Shepard.”

“If you eat it, you might kill yourself. Or at the very least, give yourself a stomach ache. Then I’ll never hear the end of it.”

Garrus rumbled a laugh, his subvocals doing that thing that always turned his stomach into a puddle of molten metal. Shepard always pushed it away, reminding himself that they were friends and getting together a few times for a quickie didn’t mean anything, but the excuses were getting flimsier with each passing encounter.

“Turians don’t have stomachs. We have gizzards.” Garrus crossed his legs before sighing and giving up, leaving them stretched out in front of him. “Well, we have something like a stomach, but it’s not like a stomach in a human. The gizzard-”

Shepard held up his hands, almost pleading when he spoke. “Thank you for the biology lesson, but I don’t need to know.”

“I figured you’d want to know… I mean, if you tried to punch a turian ‘in the stomach’, you'd be disappointed to learn we aren’t as soft as humans.” 

“Is that supposed to be a joke at my expense?” Shepard asked, leaning back in his chair, feeling more at ease with the sudden direction of their conversation. Anything to keep him from thinking about Garrus and that long body pressing against him. “Because I bet I can make you squeal if I punched you, stomach or not.”

“Like you do with all those mercs who try to hit on you at the bar?” Garrus mimicked him and leaned back against his seat. “Is that really why you don't go to Afterlife? Afraid someone might make you feel something?”

“Garrus…” 

“Come on, Shepard. Don’t tell me you're scared.”

“I’ve never been afraid of anything in my entire life.” They both knew that wasn’t true, but neither were willing to risk ruining the moment. With a snort, Shepard tapped his foot against Garrus’ leg and he nearly fell from his chair. “But we both know you’re a chicken.”

“I don’t understand these human turns of phrase. What’s a chicken and why do I feel like it’s offensive?”

A laugh slipped out before Shepard could stop it and when Garrus looked at him with smug satisfaction, he felt his stomach tightened in want.

“I didn’t know you could laugh.” Garrus continued, seeing he had the advantage. 

“Stuff it, Garrus.” 

“Oh come on, it suits you.” Garrus casually reached forward and moved the plate of grilled cheese out of his line of sight. The motion would normally make Shepard roll his eyes or make a biting remark, but Garrus’s words hit him right in the chest.

The sincerity in his voice wasn’t surprising, they were best friends. No, what surprised Shepard was his personal reaction. He managed to keep his cheeks from burning like an overcharged heatsink, but the rest of him tensed, ready to throw himself across the table at the turian’s mercy. He usually had better control than this…

It was Cerberus’s fault. Yeah, they messed something up when they rebuilt him. 

Raising an eyebrow, Shepard pierced Garrus with his icy gaze. “You’re being too nice. What do you want?”

“Why are you always like this?” Garrus trilled, crossing his arms over his carapace. His mandibles moved slightly, opening in a turian equivalent of a grin. 

“Like what? And be careful what you say.” Shepard warned, leaning forward to put his arms on the table. “We might be friends, but I can still kick your ass.”

Garrus shook his head. “What are you going to do, Shepard? Break your hand on my mandibles?”

“You’ve been hanging around Joker too much.” Rolling his eyes, Shepard stood to carry his sandwich to the recycler. If he never saw a grilled cheese again, it would be too soon. “Tell him that his lessons aren’t taking and you still sound like a chickenshit.”

“Chickens again?” His subvocals rumbled again, and Shepard was grateful that he was facing away from him. He wouldn’t be able to see his arousal from that angle. “And I’m not hanging out with Joker. Much.”

“Keep telling yourself that.” Shepard dumped the sandwich down the chute, waiting as it processed the waste. By the time he finished putting the plate in the washer, he was positive he gained enough control over himself to face Garrus again. With a quick breath, he turned away from the kitchenette. Garrus hovered behind him and Shepard took a step back, thankfully keeping his gasp contained. He hadn’t heard him move from the table and yet there he was, towering over him. “What the hell are you doing?”

“You talk a big game for someone who can’t win a fight without biotics.”

He almost choked him for that comment. “Excuse me? I could bodyslam your skinny ass to the floor, Vakarian.”

Garrus leaned forward, forehead nearly touching Shepard’s as his voice dropped to a whisper that had no right being so sexy. “Is that a challenge?”

Shepard stared at him, momentarily stunned by his boldness. He managed to get a hold of his wits and met his gaze, refusing to back down. “You’re damn right it is.”

Garrus straightened to his full height, watching him with an intensity that nearly made him shiver. “Sparring mat, ten minutes. If you don’t show, then I win by default and everyone will know their commander is a coward.”

Shepard knew deep down that he was teasing, trying to provoke him, and dammit, it was working. Before he could manage a response, Garrus had turned and exited the mess. Shepard watched him leave, eyes lingering a little too long on his hips than necessary.

~

Shepard ducked under Garrus’s arms. His slightly shorter height made it difficult for Garrus to get him in a headlock. “You’re going to have to try harder than that, Vakarian.”

Garrus chuckled, mandibles twitching in amusement. He flexed his talons in Shepard’s direction. “I’m going to make you regret those words.”

Shepard grinned. He loved this side of Garrus, the playful banter, the rough and tumble sparring, the inevitable satisfying finish for them both in Shepard’s cabin. But more than that, he wasn’t the uptight turian that had stepped aboard the Normandy over two years ago, looking to take down Saren and prove himself. Here, on a ship surrounded by human terrorists, Garrus was a breath of fresh air, of freedom. He was familiar… he was home.

“You talk a big game, Garrus, but the follow up is lacking.” He felt a thrill when Garrus tilted his head, eyes trailing up and down Shepard’s body. Probably looking for a weakness to exploit, but he enjoyed his gaze focused intently on him. 

When he chuckled, a deep throaty sound that did little to cool the flaring attraction between them, Shepard had to step back and try to regain control before he decided to say the hell with it and press his lips to Garrus’s throat. Although, at this point, it might make for a better workout than their sparring session.

“Keep this up and I’m going to fall asleep.” Shepard taunted him, keeping out of range of his talons. That was one advantage Garrus had that could spell his doom. It wouldn’t take much for him to grab hold. His flexibility wasn’t as good as it could be, but Shepard might be able to keep away long enough to use his strength to subdue him.

Maybe.

“You’ll make it that easy for me, hmm?” Garrus tried to swipe an arm out and snag his waist, but Shepard sidestepped him. “Feel free to lay down, Shepard.”

The thought of lying beneath Garrus’s body only aroused him. The rosy cheeks he’d earned from the workout was now spreading down his neck and across his exposed chest. If Garrus noticed, he didn’t mention it, focused on their sparring. But his brain began to imagine those talons on his legs, exposing his cock while Garrus’s tongue-

Shepard shook his head, trying to purge the images from his mind. He didn’t need this distraction. 

The realization slammed into him like a skycar the moment Garrus managed to ensnare Shepard’s waist in his superior grip, pulling him closer and trying to wrestle him to the ground. It was part of the turian’s plan, to distract him with these thoughts, to take advantage and to win their match with little to no resistance from Shepard.

Hooking his leg around Garrus’s, Shepard managed to use the turian’s height to his disadvantage and rolled backward, the momentum taking him along. Garrus released his hold, stunned by the sudden movement, and went sailing over him. He landed on his back, arms and legs sprawled as he stared at the shuttle bay ceiling, breaths harsh in the quiet.

He scrambled to his feet. Garrus hesitated as Shepard threw himself on top of him, pinning him to the floor. He hovered over Garrus, hands firmly on either side of his head, leaning so close that the tip of Shepard’s nose nearly brushed Garrus. Dominating him so thoroughly was a high he basked in, even if he knew it was luck more than skill that put them here. At least he hadn’t used his biotics to cheat like last time.

“Give up?” He whispered, lips brushing softly against mandibles. He felt pride when Garrus opened his mouth slightly in awe, sharp teeth reflecting the overhead lights.

His eyes met Shepard’s, a blaring blue fire staring back. “Oh, did you think you won? This was all part of my plan.”

His talon brushed against Shepard’s thighs and his muscles tensed at the touch. Oh. Oh.

Shepard inhaled sharply, closing his eyes. Garrus’s grip tightened and a purr left from deep in his chest. The sound was meant to be soothing, but all it did was lit a fire deep in Shepard’s stomach. A groan escaped his lips. As he concentrated on the vibrations against his legs, his earlier thoughts about Garrus’s tongue came to the forefront of his mind.

One of Shepard’s hands covered Garrus’s, still sitting atop his leg. “Garrus, I…”

His words evaporated as Garrus nuzzled his neck, tongue darting out to lick the curve of Shepard’s jaw. Gooseflesh bloomed across his arms and he fought a shiver, trying to concentrate on something, but Garrus was everywhere at once. His tongue and mouth made quick work of him, hands slowly massaging his thighs, slowly creeping to the one spot that screamed for attention.

Shepard was so lost in his pleasure that he barely registered Garrus shift beneath him. Suddenly, before he realized what had happened, Shepard was on his back, hips pressing into the mat as Garrus loomed above him, an expression of triumph on his face.

“What the-” He blinked up at Garrus when he leaned forward, nuzzling his neck once more before pulling back.

“You don’t look so smug now, Commander.”

He couldn’t help it when the laugh burst from him, echoing in the empty bay around them. “You cheated!”

“Me? Cheat? I should be offended, but I’m not.”

“And why’s that?” Shepard somehow managed to ask the question without sounding breathless. His heart beat so loudly in his chest that he was positive Garrus could hear it.

“If the famous Commander Shepard thinks I had to cheat to win, that means I did.”

“Glad to see you admit your flaws, Garrus. Cheating needs to be addressed before it becomes a problem.”

The look he received in return was enough to make Shepard feel like he won, even if his aching back was proved otherwise.

“Quit whining.” Garrus murmured, moving close again, tongue running along the curve of Shepard’s ear.

“You used your turian wiles to distract me.”

“Turians don’t have wiles.” Garrus intoned, taking a nip at his jaw before reluctantly standing, offering a hand in help. “But we do have incredible reach and strength, something humans are always surprised about.”

Shepard’s hand slipped into his and all he could think as he found his footing was how easily they fit together. “Yeah, well, the rest of the turians might not, but you certainly do.”

“I hope that’s a compliment.” 

Once Shepard was back on his feet, he grinned at Garrus. “Always.”

He meant it too. Because Garrus wasn’t like anyone he’d ever met, human or turian or any other alien race. And the more he thought about it, the more Shepard realized that he didn’t want Garrus to leave his side. If they survived the Collectors, he needed Garrus with him to finish this mess. 

Shepard let go of Garrus with a small amount of hesitation before turning to grab a towel from the workbench, wiping sweat from his forehead. 

“Do all humans melt? Or is it just a Shepard thing?” Garrus teased, leaning against the lockers and watching him curiously. 

Shepard rolled his eyes, wiping some more sweat on the towel before chucking it in the turian’s direction. Garrus caught it easily, mandibles flapping in amusement.

“Very funny, Garrus.”

“It’s an honest question.” His expression didn’t have an ounce of honesty in it. “You’re always so on edge. Maybe you need more than just a workout.”

Shepard tried to ignore the flare of heat in his groin at the insinuation, but there was something in Garrus’s subvocals that taunted him. Something that he was ready to give into again.

Fuck, who was he kidding? He wouldn’t be able to deny how deep his desire for Garrus went.

Garrus held the towel out to him, still damp with sweat. Slanting his eyes in suspicion, Shepard reached for it, but Garrus didn’t let go. Instead, the turian pulled him closer, using the towel as leverage. Shepard fell into his waiting arms, glancing up into his face with a smirk.

Shepard raised an eyebrow at him. “See? Cheater.”

Garrus laughed, leaning down to press his forehead against Shepard’s, brushing a talon down the exposed skin of his arm. “Opportunist. Not that you’ve ever complained before.”

Shepard lifted his chin, brushing his lips against Garrus’s mouth, his arousal growing when Garrus breathed in his scent. “I doubt you’ll hear one.”

“Good.” Garrus muttered before wrapping his arms around Shepard, pulling him flush against his carapace, nipping at the sensitive skin at the base of his neck. “Because I’d be heartbroken if you didn’t like me anymore.”

Shepard’s throat closed up, overcome with emotion for the man in his arms. There wasn’t a single moment in time where he could imagine disliking Garrus, but especially now, when they spent so much of their time together as friends, as lovers. He didn’t want to live a life with Garrus.

The hardest thing he’d ever had to do was to pull away, disentangling his limbs from the man he cared for. Shepard stepped back, creating some distance from the tempting kisses and warm embraces.

Garrus met his eyes, confusion obvious in the way he watched Shepard. “Is something wrong?”

“I… Yes.” Shepard ran a hand over his head, the feel of his short buzzed hair a tactile sensation that helped to ground him. The next words out of his mouth broke his heart before he even spoke them. “I can’t do this anymore, Garrus.”

The disappointment radiated from his friend as he crossed his arms. “I don’t know what to say.”

“This isn’t blowing off steam for me, anymore.” Shepard admitted, pushing on despite the hole that appeared in his chest. His hands were shaking, his heart pounding against his rib cage, his stomach in knots. He was terrified of so many things, but losing Garrus was at the top of the list. 

Shepard didn’t usually expose the deepest parts of himself to other people. Sex was one thing, but emotions… those were messy. He usually avoided them, pretended they didn’t exist. But with Garrus, he needed to be truthful about what he felt because if they died at the end of this mission, he wanted to know he’d at least lived with the last of his time.

“What is it then? Because you’ve been giving me mixed signals all night.” Garrus sounded upset and he had every right to be. 

“I’m not trying to lead you on. I just can’t help myself when it comes to you.” Shepard turned away, neck burning. “But I owe you more than a tryst.”

“You don’t owe me anything, Shepard.”

“That isn’t true.” He whispered, feeling his heart in his throat. “I owe you everything.”

Garrus shuffled behind him, reaching for his hand and Shepard let him take it, turning towards him. Garrus squeezed his hand briefly, but Shepard couldn’t meet his gaze, refusing to witness the disappointment, the worry. So he closed his eyes instead, the blackness of the void taking him.

“Shepard-”

“I love you.” He couldn’t stop the confession from tumbling into the silence. 

There was no response, but he could feel Garrus stiffen beside him. He hadn’t been expecting a declaration of love, that was obvious, and Shepard immediately knew it was a mistake. To push the boundaries of their friendship was a lot to ask of Garrus and here he was, dumping something like this on him out of nowhere.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to dump my emotional crap on you.” 

He tried to pull away but Garrus tightened his grip, refusing to let go.

“Shepard, look at me.”

Taking a deep breath, he did as Garrus requested and opened his eyes, slowly trying to leave the dark abyss of his thoughts, setting his fear and doubts aside. When he finally glanced at Garrus, he was rendered speechless by the tenderness he found there.

Garrus moved closer, his hand still holding Shepard’s like his life depended on it, and leaned down to meet his gaze head on. “Do you think this is a fling? Or that I haven’t thought about you night after night, laying on my cot and wondering if I could get away with sneaking up to your cabin? Because I have and it’s not about the sex, Shepard. Even if it’s some of the best I’ve ever had.”

Shepard let out a breathless laugh, his heart fluttering where it belonged, in his chest. 

“I can’t get you out of my head. I’ll be honest, I don’t want to. You… everything I feel about you is unexpected, but I’m happy it’s you that I feel it for. You’re the most wonderful person I’ve ever known, Shepard. And I-”

Shepard didn’t let him finish. Because he didn’t need to hear Garrus say those three words to know their truth. Because he felt it so deeply in the pit of his stomach each time their eyes met across a room. He felt it whenever Garrus responded to his teases with his own quips, whenever a smirk was given back tenfold, or an innocent touch became the most tender of caresses, he knew that Garrus Vakarian was his.

Pressing his lips against Garrus’s throat, he was rewarded with a low purr that increased in volume as Shepard made a trail down to where his carapace began. Then he paused, glancing up to find that Garrus had shut his eyes.

“You ok?” He whispered, feeling whole for the first time since Cerberus had resurrected him.

Garrus trailed his hands up Shepard’s arms, gripping them tightly. His eyes opened and Shepard almost drowned in the depths of his affection. “With you, I’ve never been better.”

Shepard smiled, full of warmth and love and a million other flowery feelings, the turian in front of him trilling in contentment. “I couldn’t do this without you, Garrus.”

“You could, but you don’t have to.” Garrus rubbed a mandible against his cheek, the motion full of more affection than Shepard knew how to deal with. 

Shepard looped his arms around Garrus’s midsection, burying his face into the crevice between his neck and carapace. Nothing made him feel safer than this place right here. He tightened his grip, Garrus responding in kind. “You and me against the galaxy, Vakarian.”

Garrus sighed, relaxing in his arms, running a hand down his back. “I’m here with you until the end. Always will be.”

[agried]

Alkakurei Large-Scaled Event Speculation

i don’t really enstars post publicly, but i was thinking about the upcoming large-scaled event for alkakurei recently, and i had some speculations about some of the overarching themes involved. these speculations mostly draw on things brought up in !!era main story and ss arc, though some other stories do come up. 

admittedly, i haven’t been able to read ss finals or the majority of main story 1.5, but i’ve read all the alkakurei song event stories save both their climaxes (which i only read livetweets of) and nearly all the unit/tour event stories that are in engstars music, so i at least have an idea of the overall situation in es. if there’s something i got wrong though (main story is a tiny bit hazy to me, i’m trying to reread it for a deeper analysis of hiiro’s character development but it’s So Long), please let me know!

first off, it’s important to realize both alkaloid’s and crazy:b’s general positions in es as a whole. i think i saw a post a while back where someone was disappointed by alkaloid being less ‘protagonist-like’ than trickstar, as they didn’t really rebel in any major way against their situation or the capitalistic framework they were built on. however, they weren’t written to be that way. the group that resembles trickstar more, in terms of ideals, would actually be crazy:b.

this is mostly because of alkaloid’s position as the prototype for es’ mass produced idols. because of this status, alongside their newness, they rely very heavily on es’ benefits to succeed in the industry. es is happy to give that help, though, because their success is proof that idol mass-production is feasible and profitable. 

but if alkaloid chooses to not follow their rules, and are seen to be dissenting against es (this is brought up in graduation) or fall out of favor with es’ higher-ups (as seen in playing cards), they’re in danger of being disbanded or punished in some way. (though phantom airship mentions that they’re one of the up-and-coming new units of es, compared to units from !era who have experience outside the system and have more established fanbases, they’re still in a more tenuous position.)

in contrast, crazy:b has always been a lot more rebellious. while they were also forced into making a unit and ‘attacking’ existing es units in order to deepen those units’ bonds and help bring their problems to light so they could fix them, rinne notably turned the tables on es and also pushed his own goal of showing the problems and effects of es’ system to the public so that they’d be more aware of the darker side of the idol industry. though they were branded as troublemakers by es and were set to be dismissed once they were done with their attacks, rinne’s criticism of the industry made him and crazy:b champions of those who had been destroyed by or otherwise pushed out of it, leading the public to show their support for them, and ryuseitai, knights, undead, and alkaloid’s help also let them stay as a unit, validating their existence to es. 

how they were branded during the summer did affect their job opportunities and experience as well. because of their ‘troublemaker’ status, they weren’t sought out as much for jobs and instead had to look for ones (honey bee) or make ones (hot limit) that would accept them, making them generally more self-sufficient than alkaloid. this status allowed them to interact with more people outside of es’ influence, and get more in touch with those who shared their opinions on the industry, like beehive (night club). while i would say that cospro does support them, they aren’t as beholden to the company’s pressures as alkaloid is, since they don’t rely on it as much.

related to this, alkaloid and crazy:b’s members also have different personalities and different opinions on society and the idol industry. that’s a pretty obvious thing to say, but overall, while all of alkakurei are othered from society in some way (i could go on about this in a whole other analysis actually), alkaloid has been written to be more optimistic about society and the industry, and none of them are the type to rebel against either of those systems. aira even asked rinne “why do you have to go against the system? what’s so bad about it?”. as befitting their theme as ‘soldiers’, alkaloid is the obedient unit that follows orders. while they do sometimes twist what’s asked of them to their own benefit (they participated in mdm as asked by es, but also used their stage to keep crazy:b together despite es’ plans to discard them), in the end, they still follow the orders given to them.

crazy:b, however, are all a bit more disillusioned by society and the idol industry. rinne in main story mentions that he’s been called ‘wrong’ by society all his life, himeru is intensely aware of the stigma against his and kaname’s last name (from obbligato. also in night club, he expresses anger at society suppressing members of minority groups), similar to niki, who still is worried about joining the culinary world due to the rumors associated with his last name (hot limit), and finally, kohaku knows the darker side of society and the idol industry through his upbringing and through double face. they’re less idealistic, and more willing to defy what is considered ‘acceptable’ and speak out against it. (also, can i just say it’s delicious that the amagis are still following the footsteps of their past selves, with hiiro taking orders and rinne breaking them? ough, i have so many feelings.)

so why am i bringing this up? well, there’s been a lot of stories recently criticizing es and their monopoly on the idol industry. like the ss arc— the first story that came to mind was submarine, where the local idols begged ryuseitai to help them against the other es units who had systematically crushed them, as their fans had been poached to go to other areas where ss was taking place, and they were unused to the battle format that was instituted in okinawa (i’ve made jokes about the fact that there are so many stories that refer to es as “the big wave”, or as “an uncaring monster” that crushes everything in its path without remorse or malice. i feel like i run into them like every two big stories and i’m like “ah, it’s this again” lol). 

notably in the main story, the fact that alkaloid is the prototype for mass-produced idols isn’t actually addressed that strongly. i recall that alkaloid learned of it, felt bad about it, but then had to push it away in order to help crazy:b since they couldn’t really do anything about it. similarly, while crazy:b’s rebellion against the system revealed some of the problems with es, es still has been moving forward in such a way that many units have begun to disagree with, but that they seemingly cannot change.

this leads me to my speculation that in the alkakurei large-scale event, alkaloid and crazy:b will be set against each other in the midst of es’ industrialization and mass-production of new idols, with crazy:b rebelling against this development while alkaloid supports it as they don’t have the power to go against it. 

while this might sound extremely similar to the graduation event, i’m still leaning toward the idea of the two teams being set against each other, notably because for all other large-scale stories, all the characters who are 5 star cards in it are somehow against each other in some ways. graduation had subaru, supporting es, on one side and hokuto, against es, on the other, the ss finals cards were the members of the teams leading the red team and the white team, and altered/origin had eichi and rei, a member of ex-fine and a member of the five eccentrics. i don’t believe it will be like certain regular tours, where they aren’t actually in conflict. 

frankly, if the large-scale event isn't actually related to some of the units disagreeing with es, i have no idea what it'll be about. because even anzu is becoming more independent from es, which is a bad sign since she’s important to all the units to at least some degree, and she's been the eye of the storm for great change.

of course, akira could always be silly goofy and make everything i just speculated wrong, but there are definitely some interesting plot threads still somewhat loose for alkaloid and crazy:b, so i’m really hoping that they’re picked up in this upcoming event. i just feel like one of these days, there will have to be a story confronting es and somehow changing their direction, even just a little bit, because a lot of units have expressed disagreement with the way es is moving.

admittedly, i cannot say who will be the 5 stars for this event— out of all of the characters, i’ve heard that tatsumi and niki both haven’t had as much of their childhood backstories/their reasons to be an idol explored quite as deeply as some of the other members of alkakurei, but i personally expect the 5 stars to be hiiro and rinne since they’re the leaders of their units. also, i really like the idea that they’ve come full circle from mdm, with rinne now helping hiiro figure out a new way to move forward and achieve a dream that hiiro chose, for once. 

but who knows! we’ll have to wait for april to see. needless to say, i’m excited for what’s coming next, even if it turns out to be different from what i expect.

[pisces-magazine]

Antinatalism debate with male friend

OH MY GOOOOODDDDDDDDD HE REALLY WON'T LET IT GO HELP😭

i just went back to the gc and he said sumn more. like, he CAN'T let me have the last say sdocnfvig nervous men are hilarious, in some way.

OH AND HE HAD THE FKCXJD AUDACITY TO TELL ME I TOOK IT PERSONAL, LIKE I SAID TO HIM EARLIER. passive agressive much? maan...!

i really got flashbacks of the vegan debate. it's the fucking same. really, the root to all evil is sexism and/or capitalism.

you know those ppl who get offended (intimidated) by vegans/vegetarians? they say stuff like "you should RESPECT that i eat meat as i respect you don't !!" 💀

the mass apathy and cognitive dissonance is really dangerous.

i feel for him. he thinks, as many people, sadly, that 1 or 2 people won't change the world, won't change anything. a handful, at most, which is not true at all.

this phenomenon speaks volumes about the effect the media have on society individuals. i have to talk about this.

if the media showed, talked about all the millions of happy families that there are, he wouldn't be so hard on this. cause he- oh my god, he said "but think about the ppl who adopt and are misserable. there's a lot of that" like💀 dude... that's rare. it's rare to have adopted kids, for starters, but sad ones? rare. and actually, families with adopted kids are happier, as they are definitely planned, unlike genetic families, which, i don't even have to say it, right?

so if we were to decide whether to adopt or not, based on the quantity of happy families, then we would for sure decide to adopt. but of course if i say this, it'd be like white noise to him.

"I won't make a difference" - said millions of people in unison.

i noticed something. he started, towards the ending of this debate (on my end, passive aggressive discussion on his) to mimic my wording: quoting, and a try of elevating the terms, longers answers. and while i kept saying more things, adding to my argument, from different angles, he kept saying the same things, just in different wording. a visible wall on his end, not a single moment where he tried to really understand the words in front of him.

this all started by him saying he wanted to have kids with his genetics, in which i advised to adopt because it is, in a nutshell, better. and of course, he took it as a personal attack, only he did not realise (or at least wouldn't admit so).

also, i think it, too, offended him that i just said that people who knowingly conceive are plain bad people. i guess it shocked him. he then pointed out that selection of words, so i corrected myself saying that they may not be bad people, but definitely just plain ignorants which... he did not appreciate, lol.

he just started uni this month, so i get it a little, very little, bit. i tried to cool it off asking about what subjects he has. because i started this year, in april, and we very likely have some in common. i asked about "introduction to scientific knowledge", because that one made me read an AMAZING book on knowing how to debate, basically. so it would serve him a lot to read that one lol. hope i didn't make it obvious.

like my mother said hundreds of times, "university opens your mind" which i totally share. hopefully he will be different in a couple of months.

i think this was the first time we talked seriously, like, without joking at all. a little note on that: make sure who your so called friends are by debating difficult stuff with them. talk about politics and society phenomenons. that will actually tell you enough about who they are and how mature (if anything) they are.

so, by this experience, i will distance myself from him, sadly. i am really disappointed. having male friends is hard because they tend to get defensive about their ideas and beliefs. and ugh, i just know he wouldn't have put this resistance towards my information if i was a guy. he has a lot of work to do in himself and he doesn't know. and if he doesn't know, then there's no point in me telling him i will take distance, as he won't realise. that probably means just never talk about serious stuff with him ever again, which is sad tho. i can be pretttty weak on distancing from people who are wrong on some things but share a humour sense with them, so i'll see. i'll update, if/when i remember.

keep an eye out on your males, people.

[that-wildwolf]

Get to know your fanfic writer!

Thank you @callista-curations for tagging me!

When did you post your first ever fanfic?

Circa 2008 I think. Let me tell you those were the wild days. FF.n wasn't really that popular and AO3 straight up didn't exist yet. You would make a whole ass entire blog. And you would post your fic on that blog. And people actually found that shit???? Wouldn't work now.

First Character(s) you wrote?

OCs actually, in the PJO fandom. I don't really enjoy writing OCs now but that's what was cool back then 😅 The first canon characters I wrote were Sarah Jane and the Doctor from Doctor Who.

Main Character(s) you're currently writing?

Well I've always got that Shakarian brainrot, don't I? Also like. Saren and Nihlus I guess.

Character(s) you haven't written about before but plan to soon?

Jolyne and Jotaro Kujo! I've still lowkey got that Eyes of Heaven brainrot, and isn't it cool to write characters that are biologically parent and child as having a sibling relationship, but I'm aware that the target audience of that fic would be uh. me. so I'm not in a rush.

Fandom(s) you're currently writing?

It's mostly mass effect. Even the WIPs I have of other fandoms are scarce among my mass effectses.

Platonic Pairing(s) you're currently writing?

Jotaro and Jolyne, definitely. Shepard and Saren is always a lot of fun to write, though my Kryterius fic mostly focuses on Shepard and Nihlus. Also fun, but not as much.

Romantic Pairing(s) you're currently writing?

Shakarian and Kryterius. I mean what did you expect? a magic trick?

Your top AO3 tags?

Interspecies Relationship(s) absolutely sweeping at 32 fics. Followed by Fluff (19 fics) and Post-Canon (18 fics). Like I said I have no idea where this idea that I'm an angst writer came from, I'm all about the fluff--

Current platform you use for posting?

I guess I might as well officially say that since finishing up my first contact Shakarian AU two years ago, I am no longer posting my fics on FF.n anymore. It's all AO3 now.

Snippet of the WIP you are currently working on?

"Saren." Nihlus is immediately at his side, one hand on his cowl and another grabbing his good arm. "Saren, you're not going to die. I'm getting you out of here. I swear."

"Shepard will never allow that."

"She doesn't have a say in this. You're my responsibility." Nihlus nearly growls at the thought of anyone getting in the middle of that. After everything he's done, the Council will have to agree if he asks. Damn what Shepard thinks. "She doesn't have the authority."

"Nihlus..." Saren shakes his head at him. His subvocals, as always, remain infuriatingly silent, but Nihlus has learned to read his body language to make up for that. He doesn't like what he's seeing: Saren's eyes are completely vacant of any emotion and his shoulders drooped. There's nothing left in him, no fight, no hope. He's given up already.

And that's something Nihlus can't accept.

“I’m getting you out of here,” he promises again. This time, he receives absolutely no reaction.

It nearly breaks his heart to leave now, but he has to. He has to get Saren out of this as quickly as possible, he can’t allow this to go on. So he quietly slips out, silently hoping that Saren isn’t looking. He wouldn’t bear to have that hopeless gaze on himself right now.

Shepard is waiting for him just outside the holding cells. Of course she is. Nihlus doubts she would ever allow anyone to make a decision about Saren that she didn't approve, or at least know, of.

Which is probably going to make things very difficult for him from now on.

"You can release him," he says simply.

Shepard, to her credit, doesn’t say a word. She just looks at him like he's just done the worst thing she could imagine. In all honesty, the flicker of rage, disappointment, and disapproval that lit up her eyes almost made him pause.

She slowly shakes her head and walks away without as much as a single look back. Nihlus isn’t sure how he feels about that.

He just hopes he hasn't just made an enemy he won’t be able to deal with later on.

Tagging (but you guys know my tags are no pressure. I won't be upset if you don't do it.) @whiskynorocks @milkywayes and @nicolasadrabbles

[queen-scribbles]

I saw the post about the big Bioware sale and figured you're a good person to ask since I've seen you posting about Mass Effect/Dragon Age a lot. The games look fun, and I'm a sucker for complex stories with customizable protagonists, but I am a complete weenie about the more, uh, mature stuff when it comes to romance and the 'M' rating keeps scaring me off.

Like I'm over 18 and I'm fine with the violence/drinking/most of the swearing listed with the M rating, but I just get deeply uncomfortable with the other stuff. I'm just weird like that, I guess.

Is it really a lot? Or is there like a skip option, or some kinda setting that'll just have it be a fade-to-black sitch like SWTOR? I won't be too disappointed if there isn't, I kind of expect that really, but I figured it was worth an ask while the sale is on/to keep in mind for the next sale.

I have major social anxiety and am kinda embarrassed about all this, so sorry about the anon-asking. :P

No, no, you're fine, I understand completely. (I can take or leave a lot of the sexier stuff myself) Now I will try to remember romance scenes bc I haven't played some of these games in 4-5 years, and some of the romances I haven't gotten to yet. 😅 (if you don't mind spoilers you can always look up the romance on yt to check for yourself if it goes past your preferences. but if you do wanna avoid spoilers I will do my best) P much all the romances there's only even potentially anything that might be a problem in the Culmination Scene.

(If I got anything wrong anyone please feel free to correct me)

I know in ME1 the romance scene(with Kaidan for f!Shep, Ashley for m!Shep, Liara for either) there's sideview but shadowed nudity for f!Shep/Ashely/Liara(with Arm Strategically Placed to block boobs so all you really see is a little bit of butt) and Kaidan/mShep is shirtless.

ME2.... I think there's 0 nudity and ftb for Garrus, Thane, Tali, and Jack(ftb on tenderness, comes back in to fully-clothed snuggles in bed), Jacob's shirtless, and Miranda you half-unzip her catsuit uniform so you can see her bra. Oh, and there's a mini-romance-y thing with Kelly and she wears something really skimpy if you do that.

ME3... I need to caveat I've only actually gotten through ME3 with my Kaidanmancers + the Jackmancer, but I watched p much all the others on yt to hurt myself. Also it's been a while. I don't thiiiiink there's any full nudity, when it gets to the big sex scene toward the end, the furthest it goes is cuddling/foreplay with underwear still on, then cuts to waking up still just in underwear, and not all the romances get that. Some of them, ah. end prematurely for different reasons, or the romance isn't an actual companion in this game, so there's less content(Kaidan, Ashley, Garrus, Liara, and Tali get the most, since they join the team + have been established longer). There are new m/m and f/f exclusive option in ME3, but it's been long enough I don't rememberrrrrr if there's anything risque for them. I don't think so.

Andromeda I've only done Liam's romance and I don't think there was much in there(you can get him to stop wearing a shirt on the ship about halfway through and there's a makeout session on the couch that ftb). I think Cora's and Jaal's involve male and female shirtlessness, but I'm straight up blanking for the rest of them.

FOR DRAGON AGE

In Origins, the "big scene" for the romances does involve "sexy" movements, but the characters still have on underwear, so no nudity, and tbh with game engine/graphics advances that have been made a lot of people find those scenes cringey/silly more than sexy now. I think you can skip those, maybe, but if you can't there's dialogue after so you can just look away til you hear your chosen sweetie start talking and the conversation takes place fully clothed.

DA2 they did ftb for the four vanilla game romances. Love interest shows up, there's cutscene kissing fully clothed, ftb, wake up in underwear at worst. (Sebastian MY BELOVED is romanceable with a f!Hawke, but since he's a) chaste and b) a DLC companion, there's absolutely no sex scenes with him, you can get chaste married on his friend path and he'll talk about the two of you getting married to reclaim his homeland on his rival path).

DAI is... simultaneously best and worst in this regard lol Josephine and Solas there's nothing. Sera and Cassandra you see boobs and enough leg to hint at full nudity without actually showing it(Sera's might get a little more explicit, it's been longer for her so I don't 100% remember). Dorian's has... full rear nudity, but I think that's it. Blackwall's I don't remember, Cullen and Iron Bull both have scenes where you can tell they're naked, but the Inquisitor or an object is strategically in the way of the naughty bits.

OH AND not romance related, but possibly an issue, there are demons in the DRagon Age canon known as Desire Demons, who look like practically naked purple ladies(they have, like, an even skimpier version of the SWtOR Slave Girl outfit and are fond of caressing themselves seductively). They aren't in DAI, but do show up in the first two games for a few quests.

[synobun]

One of them tag games

So I wasn't actually tagged by @cour5t in this, but I was tagged by @rosewinterborn in a very similar game, so I'm stealing the first and pretending it's the second, since the second had a few questions that didn't apply to me x)

Last song: I'm gonna do the last song I've had on repeat for this!

Favorite color: I never know what to say for this. Black? Dark red? Dark purple? Dark green? That whole colour palette is the bomb dot com.

Last movie/show: The last movie I watched that was new was Nimona! It was fantastic, 10/10 lives up to the hype. The last show I finished was Reacher. It was okay.

Next on my watchlist: I've finally started watching Criminal Minds, but I'm already kind of burning out on it midway through season two. And there's still like 300 episodes left. Ridic. I should probably catch up on Foundation and For All Mankind. Next movie is the cartoon version of Mulan!

Last game: Prey! I did a replay of Doom 3 a while ago and mused that the horror story-game genre should be revived, and then on a whim I decided to play Prey without knowing anything about it. And it's the exact kind of game I was talking about. It's pretty good.

Last book: Rebirth of the Sigil by Peri Akman. It was disappointing. :/ Especially since I know what the author is otherwise capable of. I had the same thing happen with John Gwynne recently as well.

Sweet/savory/spicy: Savory, I think? I don't have an instinctive sense of what savory is. Google says it's a meaty taste, and I rely heavily on protein, so I guess that. I have a pretty low tolerance for sweetness despite liking sodas and such. I don't like most desserts or can only eat a tiny amount. Spicy is alright but my digestive system disagrees.

Relationship status: *vague gesturing*

Last thing I searched online: The hours for my pharmacy to see if it was too late to pick up my medication.

Current obsession: I am generally not an obsessive person when it comes to, like, interests and activities. But I am an obsessive person when it comes to thoughts and emotions. Lately I've been struggling a lot with thinking about eternity. It has not been fun. On a lighter note, I have also been thinking more regularly about writing. Perhaps someday that will translate into action!

Greatest flaw: How much time do you have? This is actually something I have difficulty answering, because the line between something forced upon me and something that is actually inherent to me is blurred a lot of the time.

I think I'd say how I behave when I'm spiraling mentally. I close off and disappear from almost everyone in my life. Occasionally I can keep up appearances with one group but not the rest, but by and large I become a ghost. When I am in a conversation during those cycles, it's crazy how badly I'm affected. I don't become cruel or mean toward others, but my speech becomes jilted, I can't make eye contact, and I am just devastatingly hateful against myself.

It's partly why I isolate, so that I don't have to expose others to that behaviour. It happens on a yearly basis though, and it can last for weeks at a time, so it has a pretty negative impact on my relationships. I also have no idea how to navigate being in one of those moods while part of a relationship where daily contact is an expectation. When I was part of a romantic relationship, instead of having one big prolonged dip, I would fade in and out of it. A couple weeks good, a couple days bad. Rinse and repeat. Awful. Terrible. Annoying. There's almost no predicting when it'll happen either.

Fic I’m currently reading: I rarely read fics because I have no patience for wading through wish fulfillment, horny writing, and "He would not fucking say that" fics, so there's only one that I vaguely keep up with. My friend has a Mass Effect fic, which can be found here. It focuses on femShep(/Kaidan) and Tali(/Garrus) and is post-ME3.

-----

I tag anyone who sees this and actually made it to the end, tbh. But for sake of poking, I tag @rosewinterborn with this variant, and also @deadlyessencewhispers, @tananaphone, @stupid-elf, @carrotblr, @atinydroid, @imtryingx, and, uh, uh... I don't know... let's see... @kkshowtunes, @d3viantvanguard, and @awritingcaitlin. I probably just tagged everyone who follows me. Anyway thanks bye

[shannaraisles]

Worth Fighting For - for @queenofthyme

For the charming @queenofthyme, who requested something flirty and epistolary for a pre-relationship Fem!Shepard x Kelly Chambers, and gave me the opportunity to play in the Mass Effect sandbox for a little bit. Thank you, lovely!

Worth Fighting For

TO: ShepardCommander FROM: ChambersYeoman SUBJECT: Preferences

Commander,

Forgive the informality of the request, but I neglected to ask during our conversation what pronouns you prefer to use, and how you would prefer to be addressed. Your comfort in command is a high priority during these first days of our mission. How would you like to be referred to among the crew?

Kelly Chambers

TO: ChambersYeoman FROM: ShepardCommander SUBJECT: Re:Preferences

Kelly,

Call me nuts, but I prefer my subordinates to be the comfortable ones around me. Commander’s good, doesn’t need to be any more fancy. Shepard once you’ve earned it. She/they, doesn’t much bother me either way. 

Shepard

P.S. See? Doesn’t take much to earn it. And, by the way, you’re much more fun to look at than a janky V.I.

TO: ShepardCommander FROM: ChambersYeoman SUBJECT: Checking in

Commander,

Your visits to the lower decks have gone down very well. Most of the crew seems very reassured that you don’t consider us to be your enemy, despite your experiences with Cerberus. I would like to discuss those past experiences with you, if it would be at all possible. Your past trauma may be something we can soothe through information sharing exercises

Kelly Chambers

P.S. I hear you kicked ass at Skyllian poker last night. Shame the stakes were so tame.

TO: ChambersYeoman FROM: ShepardCommander SUBJECT: Re: Checking in

Tame? Would you have preferred to see him running for the dorms in nothing but his skivvies? It’s very doable, just say the word. 

I have it on good authority that dinner tonight is going to be not only edible but enjoyable. Come join me in the mess, you can finally get that in with Joker and the doctor you’ve been hinting at. Maybe even a conversation with Garrus if he’s done with his calibrations for the day.

Shepard

TO: ShepardCommander FROM: ChambersYeoman SUBJECT: Re: Checking in

That wasn’t an answer to the main question. I am here to facilitate your needs, not only when it comes to the administration of your work, but also to assist with your recovery following the traumas you have already experienced.

Don’t make me schedule an appointment in the diary.

Kelly Chambers

TO: ChambersYeoman FROM: ShepardCommander SUBJECT: Re: Checking in

Don’t threaten me with a good time. Because that will not be a good time. I can handle it, Kelly. I’d much rather enjoy the view from my terminal than avoid it because you’re openly psycho-analyzing me. Call me crazy, I prefer the stealth approach when it comes to me. Just don’t pop up unexpectedly in my shower.

Shepard

TO: ChambersYeoman FROM: ShepardCommander SUBJECT: Aliens vs. humans

Kelly,

You mentioned you don’t see race or gender, just character. Does that only apply to aliens, or can I stop pretending to be a supposedly normal, well-adjusted human being in your presence? I can definitely guarantee I have a whole lot of character.

Shepard

P.S. Grunt has promised not to crowd you in the elevator so long as you promise not to smell so good when you walk past him. That’s his compromise, so I’m going to find you a perfume that turns krogan stomachs. No offense.

TO: ShepardCommander FROM: ChambersYeoman SUBJECT: Re: Aliens vs. humans

Commander, that subject line is very misleading. But thank you for speaking with Grunt, it is very much appreciated. I believe the line of perfumes made by Goddess Essentials are particularly repugnant to krogan, though I would not like to cause him any actual harm. Perhaps I should just take the service ladders instead.

Kelly

TO: ChambersYeoman FROM: ShepardCommander SUBJECT: Re: Aliens vs. humans

Have to give Miranda something to get excited about before disappointing her with the actual subject matter. And yes, I know you’re reading my mail, Miranda. I will find a way to stump you.

As for you, Yeoman Kelly Chambers, was that a note of disapproval I detect in this highly unemotional, non-contextual manner of communication? Perhaps you should reprimand me in person if you don’t want to hurt my feelings.

Shepard

TO: KellyGrrl FROM: JShepReborn SUBJECT: Privacy at last

Well, hello there, KellyGrrl. At last I have tracked down your private comm. (I tracked it down, you did not give it to me. That’s the story and we’re sticking to it, no matter what Mr Illusive might say.)

That said, are you sure you’re doing okay? You seemed very rattled by what happened with the Collector ship trap. Not complaining about the hug - in fact, feel free to hug rather than salute - but you know you’re allowed to have an emotional response to a stressful situation too, right? Hugs go both ways. I have muscular arms that give safe harbour-type hugs, so I’m told. They’re open for you anytime.

Shepard

P.S. Miranda, if anything said in these private communications end up in your reports to The Illusive Man, you will learn exactly why a large number of people in this galaxy are personally afraid of me.

TO: JShepReborn FROM: KellyGrrl SUBJECT: Re: Privacy at last

I’m fine, Shepard. I was more worried for you than for myself. After all, you were the one trapped on a Collector ship we have no way of destroying if it came to it, and you would not have been there had our own organization manipulated the situation. The end does not always justify the means, especially where your life is concerned. A highlight of my day is watching you walk away ... that is quite the physique you have cultivated there.

Goodness, that was very flirty, wasn’t it?

Kelly

TO: KellyGrrl FROM: JShepReborn SUBJECT: Flirty McFlirtersson called ...

... she’d like you to know your butt flirts with me behind your back. Don’t sweat about doing it consciously, you have my attention, honey.

TO: JShepReborn FROM: KellyGrrl SUBJECT: Re: Flirty McFlirtersson called ...

Oh.

Oh, my.

In that case, we definitely need to swing by the Citadel some time soon. I have an order on hold at This One’s that will do wonders for my rear end’s escapades.

TO: KellyGrrl FROM: JShepReborn SUBJECT: Re: Flirty McFlirtersson called ...

Tease.

Citadel, here we come.

*********************************************************

“Commander, you have a new message at your private terminal.”

Commander Jane Shepard raised a brow at the very formal tone in her yeoman’s voice, glancing to where the other woman stood at her own terminal. Kelly was focused on her work, apparently utterly engrossed in what looked like a logistics report. Around them, the command center of the Normandy buzzed with industry, crew members going about their work with warm efficiency. If they were aware of the flirtation between their commander and the yeoman, they gave no sign of it.

The commander activated her terminal, absent-mindedly opening the first message without really registering who it was from.

And stared.

That was ... Yes, that was a very nice picture of Kelly. Possibly not command center appropriate, though.

Clearing her throat, Shepard quickly closed the message, encoding it and sending it through several rounds of encryption back to her own private comm channel before deleting it from this terminal as thoroughly as possible. Acutely aware of her dry throat, she coughed delicately before stepping away.

“I’ll be in my cabin,” she informed the yeoman, biting down on a laugh at the knowing smirk that flickered on Kelly’s face as she acknowledged the information. 

Wicked woman, that one, but so much fun. 

Definitely worth fighting for. 

[milkywayes]

Pspsps roll me something from the non mass effect side of the wip folder pls? [chinhands] maybe one you're super attached to or excited about!!

damn I really didn't anticipate that anyone would care but sure! Yeah! Thanks!

The one I'm most attached to and determined to actually goddamn finish one day is a Kirk/Bones Star Trek AOS fic I started in like 2019. It's called "the gossamer thread, flung" which is also the best title I've ever come up with that isn't a song lyric. It modifies the Walt Whitman poem a noiseless, patient spider.

It's supposed to have 3 acts and I got as far as the end of act 1.

If you'd like to read a snippet I'm all too happy to oblige:

Spock casts one long look at Jim’s stretched-out form, then rises back to his full height. “DRS, I presume, stands for ‘Delayed Radiation Sickness’?” “The one, the only.” “Given that you are the crew’s highest-qualified medical professional—” Leonard can’t listen to this. “Prolonged exposure is a risk I’m taking and one that I am, in fact, expected to take. No reason to let it get both of us.” He sighs. He doesn’t know what to make of this new trend of having to explain things that Spock is already perfectly aware of. Concern, again, probably. Can’t expect a Vulcan to know what to do with that. “Can’t we chuck the artifact downhill if you can’t beam with it? That would be a balm to my soul right now.” A short pause. Leonard glances up only to find himself on the receiving end of a head tilt. Slowly, Spock says, “Not unless you prefer Jim having gone through this, as he would say, ‘for nothing.’” “Damn him,” says Leonard lowly. The breeze that sweeps over the red hills laid out at their feet catches in the strands of hair sticking to Jim’s forehead, and the motion somehow makes him look even less alive: a body left out for the elements, still and uncaring of their touch. “Fine,” he says, his eyes on the shallow rise and fall of Jim’s chest. His voice sounds flat even to his own ears. “I’ll bring it. Don’t leave us down here too long—we needed that shuttle yesterday.”  If he expected Spock to argue about the logic of that sentence, he is sorely disappointed. All he says is, “Understood.” Footsteps leading away, slightly off-balance in the deep sand, and then: the clack of a communicator being opened. It’s a while until the beep that signals a successful-enough connection to subspace.  Leonard does not know he’s going to speak until his mouth is already open. He can’t bring himself to look away from Jim’s chest. “Spock, I’ll…” He doesn’t know, really. It could be: I’ll look after Jim. Could be: I’ll bring him home. Most likely, and most honestly, it’s: I’ll try. Low voices, and the comm snaps back shut. Spock catches alight in the corner of his eye, the Enterprise’s transporters working their dubious magic. His voice is already half-whisked away when he says, “I would not expect any differently, Leonard.” And then they’re alone.