#actually okay now that I’m thinking about it shit would require a lot of explaining I can’t just drop the Charles Manson lore

[pebblezone]

🦭

[petrichormore]

-LIVE-BLOGGED THOUGHTS ON TODAY’S STREAM-

FIRST OFF - one little thing that I want to say:

(This is about the characters, obviously.)

I am totally on Bad’s side about locking his base down and not letting anyone in. If he wants to do that, there’s nothing wrong with it. I get why Forever and Baghera might be upset but holy shit it’s his house. And also: Trust is always gifted, never owed. The fact that he’s letting them inside his base at all is a privilege that very few people on the server have and I don’t think they realize that.

Yes, maybe they trust him with everything but that’s their decision and Bad isn’t somehow required to reciprocate equally as they see fit. I’d even argue he is reciprocating equally - but his idea of “I trust you as much as I possibly can” is just different from theirs.

I saw a lot of people telling Bad in chat that Baghera had a point but like - trust is not really a transaction like that, or at least it shouldn’t be - trust is something you earn. Forever and Baghera have earned more of Bad’s trust than any other people on the server but that doesn’t mean they’re entitled to anything he doesn’t feel comfortable sharing with them if it doesn’t concern them. Especially if it’s his LITERAL ACTUAL TOP-SECRET PRIVATE HOUSE WHERE HE LIVES.

That’s not to say I don’t understand where Forever and Baghera are coming from - obviously it probably does come across like he doesn’t trust them but. Even if they’re right (they’re not), if he doesn’t trust them then trying to guilt-trip him into giving them complete access is not gonna. make him trust them more so. Y’know. Skill issue.

OKAY NOW THE LIVE THOUGHTS

- Lmao Bad is explaining his potential proxy representive democracy style government to Antoine and he really just said “if any candidate tries to assassinate anyone else I’ll just kill them” like he knows how stacked he is. People ask “What if someone assassinates Bad?” And my answer to that is: they can certainly try but they’ll probably fail miserably.

- Bad: “Everyone thinks they’re powerful until a mine is placed in the right location.” I am so glad he’s not evil because everyone else would be screwed if he was

- Bad: “I’m gonna be honest: I don’t want a government. I do not want a president. But if we have to choose a president, I want a president that will do as little as possible [without full community support].” My anarchist king. A man of the People.

- Bad has decided he wants to talk to Phil and try and convince him to run because he doesn’t trust anyone to be a ‘good president’ and thinks someone who doesn’t want the position at all would be the best choice. He also said if Phil won’t, he will run himself with an anti-government stance. If he doesn’t have a chance of winning, he will throw his support behind Forever or Baghera and help them win. I really want to see a Phil/Bad team-up though, or at least see them discuss it.

- Overall, Bad’s whole monologue about his stance on the election was super cool and he’s so Right and Correct. He didn’t explain it very well during the debate but god damn is he cooking

[v-taehyung-kim]

Mr. Jeon

“So, class, is that understood?”

What? What is meant to be understood? Fuck. I stared at him too long and zoned the FUCK out.

“Yes, Mr. Jeon,” said the class in unison while I just… sat there. My face gives away my confusion and well, just like every-fucking-thing else, shit is against me. For some reason my face just cannot hide my true emotions, so I’m an open book for EVERYONE to read. I can’t even lie, which is so useless in any school setting. Well this is University, but y’know , same thing.

“Miss y/l/n, kindly stay after class, I’d like to have a quick word,” Mr. Jeon says rather sternly, which is amazing it’s exactly what my soul wants to be fed with. Uh, a hot, sassy, stern and HANDSOME man? Yeah, I’ll take the whole lot, thanks. Also, it’s technically professor Jeon, but he likes to be a little more casual with us.

God Y/N can you quit rambling within your own head?

As the rest of the class heads out the lecture room, I gather my things and head up to the teacher’s desk.

“Am I in trouble?” I ask, awkwardly laughing. Does saying ha-ha literally count as laughing at all…? Fuck he’s talking-

“-and that’s not trouble as such, however, passing this class requires full attention.”

“Uh, sir, with all due respect, I’m doing fairly well in the tests recently, being a bit lost-in-the-daydream, or, I don’t know, zoning out thinking about something exciting, is, in my humble opinion, normal…yes?” I say fumbling with the corner of my skirt, which I definitely wore to get his attention. But I’m making a solid point here!

“Lost in the daydream? What are you talking about?”

“Uh. Isn’t that what you’re raising an issue with?”

“No, Miss Y/L/N but that is also proving to be a problem. Hmm. No, I was talking about not overloading your course load this semester with extra classes. Graduating early sounds great, only if you’re physically capable. I thought you were looking quite ill, for as long as you’ve been in my class. But I see now that’s just you zoning out? And every class?” He says, crossing his arms against his chest and furrowing his eyebrows. Phew that’s HOT. Okay no focus. For once, focus.

To be fair, I understand him. I zone out in all of his classes, daydreaming about him. I know I have to impress him though so I make an extra effort to rewatch his lectures and perform well in the tests. Well, that is actually tiring me out. Maybe I am sick?

Sick in loooove-

“Miss Y/L/N?”

God if I hear that from his mouth one more time-

“No, yeah, it’s a problem. I don’t know. I’m so sorry Mr. Jeon. Rest assured, I’m able to handle my schedule, at least so far I have been able to. Thank you for your concern!” I smile awkwardly, moving to the right to exit the class.

“If paying attention is hard, feel free to ask for help to repeat or explain any concept you need. I can let you know when I’m not in class, and you can visit my office.”

He said WHAT?

Uh.

Yeah, no, I’m gonna take him up on that fucking offer.

“Really? Yes, that would be very helpful. Thank you.”

“Alright. I’ll email you my schedule. Come with good questions.” He says and gets to clearing the whiteboard.

I awkwardly smile again, with my teeth forming a box, and leave.

Okay.

Time to process what happened.

Is he interested in me? No. He doesn’t give that vibe, at all. He probably thinks I’m an air head and doesn’t realise that I’ve the fattest and fastest growing crush on him, so that’s good.

He literally doesn’t care about me. That’s good. A one sided crush and I can fantasise about him all I want. Everything is better in my head anyway.

Reality is no good.

————-

It’s good that I actually have questions and this is actually a fantastic opportunity to learn better from someone that has researched this topic.

Definitely not just an amazing opportunity to potentially have his babies. Nah, a long way to go for that.

I pack up my notes and a bunch of highlighters- because I’m so shit at being organised I just keep loose highlighters, pens, you name it. At least I have some? Does the job.

“Good evening, Mr. Jeon. Thank you so much for giving me your time like this,” I said, blushing, because wow this is so… I mean… we’re alone in his office.

He chose to see me after he was done for the day but still in office to do some grading, which is good because I don’t need to feel pressured that he has another class coming up.

“Oh no worries. Anything for a bright student like yourself.”

Fuck, there I go blushing again.

“Are you feeling alright? You look like the heat really got to you today?”

Oh yeah, the heat radiating off your body- SHUT THE FUCK UP Y/N AND SAY SOMETHING!

But you just asked me to shut up?

Quit talking to yourself in your head dumbass and SAY SOMETHING-

And my face just for redder in embarrassment.

“Oh, yeah, phew, it’s HOT outside today!” I said, quite loudly, which is EXTREMELY awkward. Fantastic.

“Here, I’ll turn this aircon on for you. Don’t worry about it, get comfortable,” he says, turning the aircon on. Honestly that would be nice.

I take a seat by his desk and pull out my notes.

“So, I actually do have questions, but some might be out of curriculum. I went down a rabbit hole whilst researching the answers to my questions, and it only led to more questions.” I said, gathering myself and actually getting serious.

‘Actually getting serious’ you’re such a joke y/n-

-DON’T talk to me I’ve got shit to do!

You’re talking to yourself-

Ssh he’s talking!

“Classic sign of a good student. Your curiosity is valuable, hold onto it. Ask away, love.” He says, smiling so cutely, fuck.

‘LOVE?’

LOVE??????????????? NO NO NO I CANNOT ZONE OUT-

I clear my throat and ask my first question.

“Can you please explain the embryological development of the small and large intestines? I don’t know if it’s my lack of spatial imagination but I cannot visualise the twisting and turning, the umbilical cord and literally everything else.” The words came pouring out, and I’m thankful for that.

“Ah, of course. Let me draw it out for you, love.”

This is gonna be hell.

——

“It’s satisfying to have my questions answered, I must say. And I’m impressed you answered every single one, somehow?” I said, quite casually.

It took one session for me to actually become comfortable with him, and he’s actually more human that I expected him to be. He’s so dreamy, I didn’t think he’d be normal. And funny. And sweet. And cute. I’m in love.

“Well, I aim to please.” He said… slightly smirking and looking away.

This bitch.

Please me.

“Haha, yeah…” of course I’m fucking awkward, how else do I respond to that?

“So are you pleased?

“Uh, yeah. I did say it was satisfying.”

“Well, mission accomplished. I’d love to be of help to you, love.” He said, very casually, making it look like none of this sounds strangely sexual. Maybe it’s in my head because I’m a horndog for him, so sure.

“Oh man, I really need to head out to get some groceries before I get home. Would you like me to drop you home?” He says, packing things up along with me.

Classic. Yes take me home.

“That’s really kind of you, I’d love that. I mean not love, I just mean, it’ll be really nice, nice I guess in a way that I won’t have to take public transport at rush hour-“

“- I get it, Miss Y/L/N, I’d love to take you home.”

Oh hell no.

Not in my head.

Not in my HEAD.

But he LOOKS LIKE IT MEANS NOTHING? It doesn’t sound suggestive… I’m a fuckin’ creep.

“Haha, okay… I can come to the grocery store too. I live alone, so I need to figure this out.”

“Oh? I live alone as well, I have the same reasons.”

Come to think of it, he does look very young, and he is actually the youngest in our faculty. But being young doesn’t mean you can’t have a wife or a husband.

———

This grocery store is as dead as his feelings for me. Fun.

He’s picking out the good tomatoes from the bad, and I’m hoping he squishes my tomato-

That’s actually disgusting, y/n. Get a hold of yourself.

What do I say then? Pick my strawberry? Peel my banana? Mash my potato? Tear my clothes off like tearing layers off an onion? FUCK-

SHUT THE FUCK UP!!

“Aren’t you going to… buy something? You’re just standing there?”

He thinks I’m a fucking creep, I know it.

“Yeah, nah, just thinkin’, “ I say, extra casually, y’know, because I’m cool. Keeping it cool. Smooth. Ice. Chill. Freezin’.

Simpin’.

“Thinking about what, this time? I’d love to know what you zone out about.”

Why is so fucking hot?

“Uh, haha, not much really!”

“Not much? You Zone out every 10 minutes.” Damn he noticed, huh?

It’s true, though.

“Mr. Jeon, I’ve heard it’s rude to ask someone to tell you their deepest darkest secrets.”

Why did I say that

Why

Did I say that

“Call me Jungkook.”

…..

Take a deep breath…

I’M ABOUT TO-

-SHUT THE FUCK UP AND REPLY BEFORE HE THINKS YOU’RE INSANE!

“J-j-uh.. j-j-uhhh-jungkook?” I say awkwardly, scratching my head and squinting my eyes, breathing heavily.

“That’s right, love. Jungkook. Can I call you y/n? I mean, we’re not that far apart in age and we’re not at Uni. If you’re okay with that of course, I respect your space.” CONSENT, BABY!

I guess we aren’t that far apart in age. But it’s a bit too much for my heart and my tomato to hear my name coming from his mouth.

“Y-yeah! Psshh, duh! Of course. Yeah no that’s all good.” I say laughing a bit too loudly and grabbing onto our cart, only to fail to actually grab onto it, nearly fucking TRIPPING.

“Sorry, haha, senses not working today. Heatstroke, remember?” No, y/n, that makes no sense you never had a heatstroke and if you did, you wouldn’t be here.

“Y/n,” he says, getting serious for some reason.

“Yes?”

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

Crap.

I sigh.

“Yes, I’m sorry. I’m a little ditzy, that’s all.”

“Don’t apologise. It’s adorable.” He mumbles, smiling and looking away.

Yeah you stare at those damn tomatoes after turning me into one.

I’m… adorable? My exes all called me annoying, so, yeah.

“Adorable?”

“Yeah. It’s really cute how you get awkward, and sometimes ramble and fumble, I take notice of it all.” He smirks, adorably so.

Wait, that’s so… sweet.

“Oh, haha… yeah, I’m…I do that alright…” I nervously play with my fingers, looking down.

“Come on love, let’s get you your groceries.”

He pushes me along by my shoulders, laughing.

He ended up getting all my veggies in the cart, and nearly doing all the work for me. I just said the word, and he’d put it in the cart.

I’m feeling things.

Paying for my bit and him paying for his, we get in his car.

I forgot he’s Mr. Jeon for this entire duration…

“Jungkook?” I ask, as he’s putting his seatbelt on.

“Yes, love?”

Stop sounding like my boyfriend, fuck.

“Are you sure it’s okay for us to be so casual? You’re my professor?” I feel awkward even asking this question because now I’ve made things weird.

“How do you mean? We’re okay. I’m sorry, did I make you feel weird?”

No, please keep going.

“Oh no, it’s not something you did. It’s okay, haha.”

He turns to me and looks into my eyes for about 30 seconds. I’m worried about what he’s about to say.

“I think you’re really funny, y/n. And a bright student, I loved teaching you more about what we studied. It’s fun for me, as a teacher. I just think you’re interesting as a person.”

Somehow, I could tell by his face that he felt a bit conflicted but tried to make it sound okay.

“That means a lot to me, jungkook.”

———

A few weeks went by and we were getting closer at the speed of light.

I realised he’s so much more loveable and attractive than whatever his exterior shows. It started off as a crush on my hot teacher, but he’s such an amazing guy. He’s so gentle, listens so well, understands me, is so sweet and smiles so genuinely. He puts up no front, he’s so real and true to himself, his pure heart shines through. He’s generous, and actively gives back to the community. He makes the lamest jokes, and at the same time, is the smartest man in the room.

I’m fucked to say the least.

Here is walking perfection within my reach and now actually a close friend of mine, and I can’t even tell him how beautiful he is.

Weird to call him a friend, but we just connect so well.

“Jungkook, I swear, this shit has me turning my brain inside out. Draw this out too, please.” I say, sitting on his couch cross legged, staring at my notes.

“Y/N, for the last time, it doesn’t get simpler than this diagram right here. Even if I want to draw this, it’ll be the same as the diagram.” He says calmly, looking directly at me.

“Alright, fine. Can we take a break? My brain is fried, I can’t even comprehend the page number. Like, what? How did I get to page 254 when I was page 250?”

“You’re really asking me that?”

I awkwardly look towards my left and right before answering. “Uh??? Noooo? Of course not? I just, you know, yeah…”

“…yeah, okay, break time.”

I sigh in frustration as he gets up to clear the table away and put our notes aside.

I pull out my phone to scroll through Instagram to scroll till my brain is positively hollow, but then jungkook calls out my name.

“Y/N?”

“Hmm.”

“Love?”

Jesus fucking-

My head immediately snaps up and he smirks, seeing how I immediately respond to that.

He laughs a bit, and I blush knowing he’s caught me.

“Come here, love.”

Come here? Where? There?!

I get up and move towards him, and wait for him.

He pulls me into a hug and gently puts his hands in my hair, massaging my head.

“You must be tired. And this is going to sound strange but… you make me protective over you, with how adorable you can be. I’m sorry if it sounds inappropriate. I mean this with sincerity and care.” He says so softly, I’m going to yell.

Yell and screech, bitch.

“Jungkook, that’s incredibly sweet…” I breathe him in, and it ends up being audible.

He laughs at that, and hugs me tighter.

I’m in love. I don’t want more than him.

“I’m here, know that.” He says, so gently I could cry.

“And I’m here.”

We look into each others eyes and I feel all my love for him at once.

He smiles at me, putting stray bits of hair behind my ears.

His emotions seem so genuine, that he really cares for me.

“I’m here.” He says, again.

“And I’m here.”

We smile together, and I decide I want to squeeze him tight.

————-

Y’know, if I wasn’t sure before, I’m sure of it now.

I love him.

It’s true, it’s no longer a crush.

This has been a bad idea. I can’t even actually date him, so what the fuck do I do now?

I’ve been staring at him in class the entire time and I’ve completely zoned out. I know he knows it, he gave me a suspicious look. It’s fantastic, I’m exposing my own ass.

But he’s been staring at me too, every now and then. He looks my way so many times, it’s probably noticeable to others. Good thing I’m sort of hidden away.

But he probably looks at me like his younger sister, since I don’t see him making any particular moves or saying anything that’s remotely romantic.

He’s definitely not into me.

The class gets over and I head directly towards the exit because god knows, I need a break from FEELINGS.

“Miss y/l/n. Please come to my desk. Now.” Girl, I-

“Yes, sir.”

The classroom is now empty and I’m standing before him all awkward.

“Sir?” I say, looking at him, who is looking at me.

“Sir? Really?”

“What? Are you not my teacher? Professor? Sir seems like the obvious thing to call you.”

“And yet you talk to me like that? If you’re being professional, you may as well be more formal.”

“Uh, okay. Hello, sir. What is it that you wanted to speak to me about? I apologise if I caused any inconvenience.”

“As a matter of fact, you did, miss y/l/n.”

“I’m sorry, sir. What is it that I did?”

“Look, y/n. I noticed you really were not paying attention today, and you know this class is important for the upcoming test! The inconvenience is grading you badly!”

I want you.

“I’m sorry.”

“Sorry? Come on, y/n. Your head has been in the clouds recently! You don’t ask me more questions, you’ve been doing the bare minimum!”

Can I marry you?

“No, yeah, I know.”

“I’m glad that you do but do you realise what’s at stake here? You want to graduate early, yes? Well failing a class will only delay the process! Come on…” he continues to talk, but honestly, I’m just lost in his eyes.

I like it when he yells. So passionate. His eyes are so lovely, so cute. Can I look into them forever? I’d love to marry him. Right now. Okay, tomorrow. He’s so perfect. Does he have eye dimples? Of course he does. I’ve known that from the beginning. I studied his face. Now I want to know more about him. Even more than I already do. He’s so… dreamy…

“Y/N! ARE YOU LISTENING?” He raises his voice, for the first time actually, and I jump in surprise.

“What in the world had gotten into you? Fuck. Meet me after my day ends, we need to discuss this.” He says, and leaves immediately.

Well.

Fuck.

————

“DO YOU UNDERSTAND YOU’VE BEEN SLACKING?”

I’m sitting on his couch, listening to him get mad at me. Shucks, I fell in love with you, sue me.

“Y/N, I understand slacking off is not a conscious choice and you’re probably dealing with something and asking you to “get your act together” is the worst form of support and dismisses the root problem. So, talk to me. Please, love. I care for you.” He says, sighing.

“I’m sorry for yelling at you. I didn’t mean to.” He apologises, looking down.

You’re so intelligent and kind to me. I love you.

I love you.

“I love you.”

I think out loud, and immediately turn pale.

“What?”

“I love your kindness!”

“You didn’t say that,”

“No, no, sorry I didn’t complete my thought haha! Okay I need to get home now, I left frozen chicken breast out to defrost and I need to cook it. I just remembered!” I say hurriedly and attempt to get up.

Pushing me back down, he sits on the couch next to me and takes my face into his hands.

It doesn’t take a second before he places his lips on mine and I think I’m about to lose my mind.

He’s so soft, so gentle, but so passionate and… I open my mouth to let him enter and I really do believe I’m going to pass out.

“Fuck, Y/N.” He groans, and it makes me groan.

He pulls away to look into my eyes.

Do I even want to know what he’s going to say next?

[kob131]

This is just fucking sad.

So on May 2nd, Eddy made a couple of replies and tweets discussing his view on the production of RWBY. Basically, Eddy said ‘It’s hard work to actually make it through production. I’m always proud when it happens. That doesn’t make it immune to criticism but I wish people would keep production issues in mind.’

Sounds pretty reasonable right? You would think that people would just accept this and move on, right? Especially the critics, who actually got off pretty good here since Eddy is officially saying ‘I agree with a lot of criticism people make about the show’ so you’d think they’d show some humility at the validation right?

Well, that requires...the bare minimum of accepting that you could possibly be wrong. And they can’t even have that.

No, people decided that it was perfectly okay to mock and belittle the man showing humility because...he dared to say he was proud of making something.

Eddy showed some honesty and people responded by attacking and insulting him for basic creative pride.

... And this is why I use the phrase ‘smell blood in the water’ to describe how self proclaimed RWBY critics act whenever the creators show an ounce of weakness. This isn’t the behavior of people geniunely trying to get help improve a piece of media. If that was your goal, you wouldn’t mock the guy for being humble. Hell, if you just wanted to be right, you wouldn’t attack the guy for admitting you have a point.

But if you want to inflict as much pain as possible out of a sense of sadism, THIS is what you do.

And the funny thing is- people doing has kind of killed any point they could have.

Because what is the CRWBY’s options at this point? Take criticism, explain why they might not accept criticism in a polite manner, try to educate people, admit to their flaws?

Eddy did all of this and was still mocked. The only options left are ‘stop writing’, ‘say you can never do anything right’ or ‘take every single criticism without speaking up.’

So the CRWBY can basically only take it up the ass. And if that’s the standard for them-

What’s that set for the likes of Fixing RWBY and Vexed Viewer, who have never admitted to or owned up to mistakes? Doesn’t that mean all the hate they get is now justified because they’ve done less than Eddy?

Fuck, how am I supposed to honestly defend these people when they pull shit like this, implying that what they get is okay because it’s what they dish out?

So congrats, r/rwbycritics. You played yourself.

[polyamorousmisanthrope]

A reader is concerned about her relationship, not sure she's into polyamory and wondering if they should break up.

An actual NEW COLUMN! W00t!

I’m single but I find myself loving a man who is poly. He told me on our first conversation that he was poly and I still chose to continue to see him. Now I love him, we have sex and he said it’s okay if I have sex with other people but I can’t do it. He also says no one is the priority in his life but I don’t believe him because whenever his partner of 5 years comes to our town he tells me he’ll be unavailable while she’s here and that hurts me. I have told him and he’s said that he loves me and cares about me but I don’t believe him. Does that sound like I should stop seeing him? Could I confront them both and ask for clarification? Meaning, could I get him to say in front of her that she’s not more important than his relationship/love for me?

Wow, this is… this is a lot to carry emotionally. I’m sorry, as you are clearly hurting.

First, being in a polyamorous relationship doesn’t require all partners to have multiple partners. If it is okay with your partner that you have other partners, good. But that doesn’t require you to do so if that’s not to your taste.

Let’s talk a little about priority and availability. So, you’re saying that when your partner’s partner (we sometimes use the term metamor) is visiting, he wants to give his attention to that partner during the visit.

Even in non-sexual relationships, you might have a friend visit, so you’re out of pocket to give attention to other people, ya know. I don’t see this as necessarily someone being a priority or not. I honestly kinda see it more as courtesy.

While there’s nothing wrong with asking to have a discussion (this is not a matter for confrontation, I think) with your partner and your partner’s partner, I think that discussion, in your case, is not going to be helpful.

For whatever reason, you don’t trust your partner. If you do not believe that he loves and cares for you, YES, YOU ABSOLUTELY OUGHT TO STOP SEEING HIM.

Screw who is prioritized or not or who is the mostest specialest (and if that’s what you need, honey, polyamory is going to be more painful than I’d advise for anyone to choose), the stark and painful reality is that you do not trust your partner.

The last sentence in your question did have me step back and frown a bit:

Meaning, could I get him to say in front of her that she’s not more important than his relationship/love for me?

I don’t know that you meant this, and certainly there’s a good chance you didn’t, but it sure has a flavor of wanting his partner to feel the pain you’re feeling at not being the most important priority.

Hurtin’ is one thing. Wantin’ to spread it around? Might wanna sit with that and decide if you really think that way, or if it’s pain talkin’. (Pain can say some mean shit, for sure).

If you really want to do yourself a big favor, hauling out why you do not trust your partner and giving it some serious examination would be useful.

Some questions to ask yourself:

Does he do what he says he will do consistently without making excuses?

Does he “Rules Lawyer” and try to explain why he didn’t “technically” break his word?

When the two of you are together, do you have his full attention?

Does he have good boundaries?

Have you met other people in his life?

How does he treat people with whom he is not romantically involved?

See where I am going with this? Is the fella trustworthy?

Even if he is, ya know, you don’t owe him relationship cookies if what you want is not a polyamorous relationship. You can move on to someone who is monogamous.

Working on yourself can only be a positive no matter what you choose, mind.

[communistkenobi]

Masks were mandatory at my college until maybe March or April. It felt so weird seeing everyone without masks in the classrooms. It also felt weird how a lot of folks were acting like they were finally being liberated from some great burden. I don't always like wearing masks, but it became habitual. I mean, I wore masks every day for at least 10 hrs each day for almost 2 years, so ofc it became habitual. But my parents (who never liked a lot of pandemic mandates) would get so...weird?? Whenever they visited and I was wearing a mask. My dad especially, like I'd get into the car with my mask still on out of habit and he'd get genuinely pissed, like "why are you still wearing that" no matter how many times I explained I just wear it all the time, I forgot it was there, it's not a big deal, and he'd still be mad. So then I'd started to feel guilty about wearing masks whenever my parents were around, like what if I am a sheep—and I knew I wasn't, but they clearly thought it was stupid and (tho they never said it) I was stupid, and so I couldn't help but wonder what if it is? What if I am? So I get this guilt about wearing masks or asking for a mask when we're out in public, and then I'll feel guilty about not wearing a mask, and then I'll feel guilty whenever I have moments where I'm in public and not wearing a mask and realize that I feel guilty. I just never understood why they felt so strongly opposed to me doing it even tho I'm immunocompromised and had a bad scare where I was quarantined in 2021 only 2 months after I got out of ICU. I don't know if they understand, either. And now I feel so self-conscious about masks and I'm not sure how to analyze the source of that discomfort. And I'm feeling bad for not conforming to whomever's idea of what's right for me to do??? Or is it something less sinister but still troubling like I only care about making people happy????

Sorry about this, I don't mean to dump, just that your posts got me thinking and I don't see a lot of discussion about masks nowadays

It’s okay! Also like just to be clear, the whole sheep thing is horseshit and pure projection. the actual “sheep” are people who stop wearing masks the moment it’s no longer required by law. Wearing a mask is a public health decision the same way looking both ways before you cross the street is, the same way washing your hands when you go to the bathroom is. Yes it’s your personal individual “right” to run into traffic or take a shit and not wash your hands, but your actions have consequences that are potentially life threatening to other people. Those habits are a personal protection as much as they’re a protection for other people. and like I get weird looks a lot too, but at the end of the day you’re making a concerted effort to help yourself and other people, and you shouldn’t feel bad about that.

Also god my campus was similar. Like I’m biased and one of those assholes who is a genuine believer in the academy as an institution, but lifting the mask mandates seriously made me question the validity of academia (it’s not the only thing either, just the most recent lol). like what is the point of studying the virus if you’re just gonna lift mask mandates anyway

[transphilza]

hey cia, do you think cwilbur's story will follow eight by sleeping at last? i always thought it ended in a positive note, the person being able to open themselves up to others and finally healing. as of now i feel like we're in the middle-ish part of the song? when they start to recognize they wanna be seen, be vulnerable and let their guard down, be understood, but don't know how to get there. idk what'd you think?

oh nonnie you are…. poking the bear with this question /pos. i was actually just thinking about this song the other day, i was gonna post about how “you were wrong, you were wrong, you were wrong, my healing needed more than time.” is now ringing more true than ever. i see a lot of similarities with his potential story outcomes and how Eight goes!

that line i mentioned stuck out in particular because i think reality is really starting to sink in, for him, and he’s realizing things won’t be as straightforward (“you were wrong”) as he anticipated. the reality of not being forgiven, no matter how hard he tries.

also, this is part ^ is just so him about cfundy this past stream, isn’t it? hell, the eret stream too. seeing the worst and most broken parts of himself reflected in others…

i agree we’re about halfway through the song, now, hesitantly jittering in the void between getting close and then pulling away from others. i think in order for the vulnerability the song talks about to be fully realized there must be a shift from the cagey, avoidant honesty he’s been practicing as a means to pitch himself best and be as passive to others’ perceptions of him as possible, to true openness. this openness requiring him first being open with Himself, which he’s struggled with, but the line, “because i was sad.” last stream is a HUGE leap forward in this regard. so… the rhythm is not faltering and we are making leaps and bounds, even if we aren’t quite sure in what direction yet

my favorite line in this song has always been “here i am, pry me open — what do you want to know?” …like, baring himself.. not taking himself apart and showing off the pieces to people in a (distinctly self-flagellating) attempt to explain himself in some shattered disconnected way, but rather letting someone else see him in his entirety for who he really is. at THEIR mercy… which is difficult and would not necessarily be the healthiest option depending on who he grants that power over him. no surprise here that i imagine this part of the song will require a really intense conversation with someone who is truly Willing to Understand him to make happen…… c!tommy, anyone?

also random thing i’m just noticing but um actually the line “i’m all in” is making me go kind of insane cause. you know. all of the blackjack shit (hitting on 16 -> bust). dear god

so. okay. here’s the thing about the end of Eight, and the turn to vulnerability, and what that means if we wanna project that onto c!wilbur’s character outcomes. i think Eight itself can be a self-contained ballad of cwilbur and his entire history, OR we can follow the line of reasoning that wilbur himself has used when explaining that the smithereens ending was an ending in of itself, and an ending that will stand alone and tall as an Ending no matter how differently revivebur’s story ends up. so, like, in that regard, Eight is about both the l’manberg storyline AND the revival storyline simultaneously and then you have two parallel interpretations which is. AN ENTIRE THING I COULD GET INTO. for example, being at someone else’s mercy can be about being at the Physical mercy of another (a la giving the sword to phil.) ORRR of course mental and emotional mercy. which is what we hope for This time around.

the imagery of handing someone a shovel and a map after the “bury my innocence line” can be like. of course, giving someone the instructions to unearth those tender parts of yourself. ….or, if we look at the pogtopia storyline, it can be instructions to bury it themselves. Sorry i’m insane

but okay i bring this up bc like. look at these last few bits.

it’s really bittersweet? really… violent and intense? i mean, fucking, shaking the ground, showing up on the front lines, blood and sweat, feeling Shattered — battlefields and explosions, anyone? there’s huge dual meaning in this, huge opportunity for interpretation about either a tragic ending (smithereens) or a hopeful one (the one we are currently looking forward to). and also, Eight ends really fucking abruptly. like, mid-crescendo, the song just Stops, which is very fitting for Nov. 16 but trying to interpret that for a positive ending is admittedly difficult. i could stretch and say something about him not having peaked yet as he thought he had, perhaps an open-ended kind of happy ending, if we wanna get real literal

but, hell. i think this just tells us that it’ll take something violent and intense for wilbur to ever be that open with someone. very reminiscent of what i said about things getting worse before they get better, yeah? i anticipate a similar intensity, to answer your question in the most deranged way possible. i expect the vulnerability to come but i don’t expect it to come easily or even in good circumstances. the last line, “invincible like i’ve never been,” is kind of fucking insane to me, although also it just reminds me of ever-indestructible ctubbo, but. yeah. yeah, i do think/hope he will get there. to the point where he allows himself to be broken and fucked up and accepts those parts of himself and of his past and finds strength in them. right now he finds weakness in them, is ashamed of them, and i don’t anticipate a full fucking self-esteem turnaround at all, because there’s just too much to unpack in so little time

but the vulnerability, yes! the putting himself on the line, yes! the intensity and the way everything feels like it will break apart all over again before it gets close to being mended, yes! yes yes yes! i think once the story is over, Eight will be. Beautiful.

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

Something I'm not proud of: How pleased it makes me when comedians I like flatter their audience by saying we must be smart if we're listening to them.

I recently watched Stewart Lee's Alternative Comedy Experience, and I thought they sometimes went unnecessarily far into pretentious territory, not with any of the comedy itself, but with the way they talked about its place in the world. There was much talk about how this stuff wouldn't go over well at a normal Friday or Saturday night at a comedy club, in a way that's sort of ostensibly self-deprecating, but actually they're pretty much saying "my comedy is too smart for most audiences". I listen to it and think, oh come on, this is very good but it would be funny to almost anyone. But then I think of all the time I spent in comedy clubs pre-pandemic (which is a fair amount of time, since my brother does stand-up and I used to go see him a lot, his act is... decidedly not the sort of thing that would be on a Stewart Lee show), and I realized that actually, it would be pretty outside the norm if Josie Long got up at my local comedy club and did ten minutes on socialism between sets. So maybe it is fair that the comedians on that TV show cast themselves as not very palpable to a mainstream comedy club crowd.

Anyway, when they did that thing on Lee’s TV show in which they sort of made fun of themselves for being niche but were really sort of backhandedly bragging about being smart, they were also sort of making fun of their audience for being nerds but really sort of backhandedly calling us smart. And I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy that a bit. Any part of me that enjoyed that even a bit is genuinely among my least favourite parts of myself, an indulgence in smugness that’s a true guilty pleasure and really it’s not a large part of me, and in my defense, I got a lot of shit for nerdery in school and therefore have the right to enjoy this now. That defense would make me feel better if it weren't also the defense of every nerd-identified insufferable asshole I've ever met.

What made me think of this is that I just heard Nish Kumar call me a criminal. Specifically, he called his fans "a pack of criminals", by saying he knows that being outside Britain will not stop anyone from finding his stuff that's only officially available in Britain, because the sort of person who's into his comedy is also the sort of person who’s good at illicitly finding media. I've heard him say things like that a number of times before, and every time, I do feel a bit pleased with myself. Like, yeah, Nish, you're right, you know me. Stewart Lee also has a bit on a DVD show about how it's less lucrative to be a smart comedian like him because his audience is full of people who are smart enough to pirate media, and Michael McIntyre doesn't have this problem. Which... yes, okay, I know, you're a comedian during the 2010s, you all fucking hate Michael McIntyre. No one has ever fully explained to me why he’s the worst thing in the world, but I’m not interested enough in the sort of thing he does to listen to any of his stuff and find out. But yes, Stewart Lee, you are probably smarter than Michael McIntyre.

Streaming and downloading media is a common practice that doesn't require any special level of intelligence, and that means it’s very silly that comedians flattering their audiences by complimenting our skills in that area does work on me a bit. I think I just like being part of the team - Team Pack of Criminals for Nish Kumar.

If I ever feel too pleased with myself for being into highbrow intelligent comedy, I can always remember the guilty pleasures I have besides the occasional indulgence in smugness, which is that sometimes I like to get drunk and watch Roast Battle UK and outtakes from Frankie Boyle-era Mock the Week (the outtakes being where they leave out that show’s occasional forays into intellectual merit, and just show Frankie finding contexts for the word “cunt” that make it even more offensive than it is on its own) and lately, old clips of late-night Edinburgh shows in which comedians do things like rap battle at each other (I make no apologies for how pleased I was to first find that bit of comedy history and I posted about it a lot at the time, the bit that makes it a guilty pleasure is how much fun I find re-watching that stuff while drunk). Oh, and Amstell-era Never Mind the Buzzcocks - it's been a while since I've gone back to that but that was a big one for a while in terms of bad shows I like to re-watch while drunk. I think I might just like watching people be assholes to each other, which makes me absolutely no better than people who are into reality TV shows. Sorry to let you down, Stewart Lee. Though to be fair, Stewart, you were on one episode of Amstell-era Buzzcocks, so you’re not that above it all either.

[fineinkline]

Swing

Chapter Three: Robin and a Million Wrong Guesses 

Notes:folks, i'm not going to lie, this isn't my best work. Unfortunately for myself I started another fic while writing this one and for some reason my only ideas are for that fic now. I promise, it'll get better...or maybe I'll just give up! we shall see. thank you for all the likes and reblogs, it means a lot!“So, then Dallas is your favorite character?” Robin asks, sitting at a barstool by the kitchen island. Steve and Robin have been filling the time between the arrival of food and Eddie by debating who the best Outsiders character is. “No, dude, Dallas is kinda mean sometimes! I just think he’s hot.” Steve retorts. “Well, if we’re just going by looks then Cherry is my favorite.” Robin smirks over at Steve before saying, “I always took you for a Sodapop kinda guy anyway.” Steve tilts his head, thinking about it a little. “Yeah, I guess. He tries to help out his brothers as best as he can and in the end he gets his heart broken by the girl he is in love with. Sounds about right!” Steve gives a weak chuckle. “No, I meant the fact that you are both willing to do anything for the people you love,” she starts, “But you’re also such pretty boys.” she adds before the moment can get too mushy for either of them. 

As Steve predicted, Eddie and the pizza showed up at the same time. “Ya know, I’ve never actually seen The Outsiders.” Eddie shares, pulling a few slices onto his plate before coating them with the little packet of red pepper flakes. “Seriously,” Robin questions, “I mean you at least read it, right?” There is a moment of silence as they all find a place to sit in the living room. Steve and Robin on the couch and Eddie sprawled out in the big chair Robin was in earlier. “Why would I?” Eddie shrugs as he starts to chow down on his first slice. Robin and Steve exchange a glance and chuckle a little before Robin says “Because it was required reading junior year…” “Was it? Man, seems like ages ago. I don’t know, man. Maybe I did read it, but all the books they made us read were shit. I like to get lost in a book and I couldn’t really relate to Pip from Great Expectations.” Everyone laughed a little trying to picture Eddie really diving into the woes of a young man trying to climb the social and financial ladder all while trying to woo a girl. 

“Okay, maybe I seriously misjudged the book.” They are about thirty minutes into the movie and Johnny and Ponyboy are running away after killing the Soc to try and find Dallas. Steve laughs a little, “Yeah, you think! It’s actually a really interesting story, right?!” Robin is lying across the sofa with her feet in Steve’s lap and Eddie has turned in the chair to get a better view of the TV, so his back is against an arm rest and his legs are thrown over the other armrest. “So who is your favorite character so far?” Robin asks. Earlier Steve and Robin decided that a person's type could be determined by who their favorite Outsiders character is. For example, Robin’s favorite character is Cherry and Robin has a thing for cute redheads. Steve’s favorite is Dallas because he is a “bad boy” with a heart of gold. “Sodapop!” Eddie answers without hesitation and Robin’s eyes get big as they drift over to lock with Steve’s. She purses her lips and tilts her head toward Steve as if to say “very interesting”. 

After the movie was over, the trio let the credits roll as Robin and Steve let Eddie talk through and dissect the whole story (like he should’ve done junior year). When he’s done going over metaphors and character archetypes, Robin asks again, “So is Soda still your favorite character?” “Of course,” Eddie half-shouts, throwing his hands up, “why wouldn’t he be?” Robin snickers a little and slips a sideways glance before explaining her “Outsiders type” theory to Eddie. “Okay?” he says puzzled, “So I have a thing for pretty guys who are nice. Is that really a surprise?” He shrugs as he settles back into the chair. Steve can feel his face getting warmer and he can’t tell if it’s because Eddie just confirmed for 100% fact that he is Eddie’s type or if it’s because he can feel Robin staring at him trying to get him to look over and have another eye contact conversation. “So, I guess I can rule out Gareth,” Robin states sitting up on the sofa while Steve still refuses to make eye contact with her. Eddie’s brows knit together in confusion and he starts to look around a little thinking he missed something and somehow ended up in a different conversation, “Rule out Gareth for what? What did I miss?” “As the mystery man you keep ditching us for,” Robin wiggles her fingers when she says mystery. Eddie just laughs, “Oh, yeah that. Yeah I wouldn’t go for Gareth, but that’s not to say he hasn’t tried.” Steve can tell by the way Eddie is shifting in his chair that he is trying to move the conversation away from this topic. He isn’t the best at keeping secrets anyway and especially not now that Robin is pressing him for information. “Oh really?” Robin’s bangs shoot up behind her eyebrows, “what has he tried?” She asks, leaning forward to place her elbows on her knees while she listens. Steve perches forward a little as well, he never knew Gareth tried anything and, let's be honest, Steve is known to get a little jealous sometimes. 

“Nothing really,” Eddie tries to brush it away, waving his hand in the air like it can actually push the conversation away,  “when he first joined Hellfire he would stay behind and help me with character sheets and one shots and stuff. The whole time I thought he was just super into D&D, but it turns out that he thought of them as dates.” Eddie was fiddling with his rings now and Steve huffed a little as he crossed his arms across his chest. “Pretty presumptuous, if you ask me.” It comes out as more of a mumble, but both Robin and Eddie hear and give him a look that says “what the fuck are you doing”. Steve rolls his eyes as he gets up to take their trash from dinner into the kitchen. “If it’s not someone we already know, then why are you being so secretive about it?” Even in the kitchen, Steve can hear Robin trying to whisper. There is a long pause and for a moment Steve thinks that maybe Eddie answered so quietly that he just couldn’t hear him. “Unless,” Robin starts, “it IS someone we know and that’s why you won’t tell us!” “Woah, wait a-” Eddie tries to defend himself, but Robin has already started shouting theories of who it could be and why Eddie would be hiding it. Steve makes his way back into the living room to find Robin standing on the couch slightly pacing as she rambles about who it could possibly be. Eddie is standing, staring up at her with a look of hopelessness on his face. Eddie and Steve look at each other, “should we just tell her?” Steve’s eyes ask. “She was bound to find out sometime,” Eddie’s eyes responded with a resigned shrug of his shoulders. “Robin-” Steve shouts, hands on his hips, she continues to ramble on about how it can’t be Argyle because there was no reason to hide that from anyone. “It would have to be someone super embarrassing, or maybe,” she pauses her pacing on the couch, “maybe he isn’t even out yet and that’s why you wont tell us!” “Robin!” Steve continues, if she would just stop for a second they’ll just tell her. “Oh Eddie, NO!” She suddenly stops her pacing and hops to the floor grabbing onto Eddie’s shoulders and giving him a little shake, “It’s Tommy Hagan isn’t it?!” 

“WHAT?!” Both Eddie and Steve shout in shock before the whole room falls silent and still. Robin still has her hands on Eddie’s shoulders and her eyes seem to be pleading with him to tell her it isn’t true. Steve still has his hands on his hips, but his jaw had dropped nearly to the floor at the assumption that Eddie would go for someone like Tommy. Hadn’t Eddie just said he liked pretty boys who were nice? Tommy H was certainly not that! Why the hell would Eddie date Tommy? “Well I was just going to tell you who it was, but now I’ve got to hear this theory!” Eddie starts laughing so hard that he bends slightly at the waist and grabs his sides. Steve is still standing there, fuming over a relationship that wouldn’t happen in any world, and Robin is now looking at Eddie like he’s lost it. 

After being able to look at Robin without breaking out into a fit of laughter, Eddie collapses on the couch and pulls Robin down with him leaving Steve standing still unsure of what exactly was going on. “Go on, tell me how you came to the conclusion that my secret lover is Tommy fucking Hagan.” Eddie can’t even get the sentence out without laughing. “Secret. Lover?” Steve ground out, giving Eddie an incredulous look. It was bad enough that Robin guessed Tommy, Eddie didn’t need to suggest anything further. Robin ignores Steve and barrels into explaining her thought process. “Well, it would have to be someone who we all know AND someone who would be embarrassing in some way or another. I would be pretty embarrassed to be dating the douchebag who slams people’s heads into lockers for laughs. But, no judgment here, my dear sweet Eddie, it’s hard enough for us gays here in Bumfuck, Indiana. If you really like him, then I’ll be happy to keep your secret.” Eddie is sent into another fit of giggles, meanwhile Steve lets the frustration sink in. He can’t believe Robin truly thinks Eddie would date some dipshit like Tommy! “You must be joking!” Steve starts, causing Robin to turn fully to face him and Eddie’s laughter to die down. “You really think that Eddie would willingly go out with the guy who threatened to dunk his head in a toilet or light his hair on fire?” There is a long pause as Steve looks at Robin in disbelief. “Well…that’s part of the reason he doesn’t want to tell anyone.” She states again. “Oh Jesus, Robin!” Steve throws his hands in the air before they come down with a sharp smack against his thighs. “Look, Robs, it was hilarious at first,” Eddie says, drawing her attention away from Steve's mini mental break, “But, I do have higher standards than that.”

“Then who?! Who could it possibly be?!” “ME, Robin! Did you ever think that, maybe, it could possibly be me?” Steve asks rhetorically with eyes wide. Both Eddie and Robin are now staring at him like he was in the middle of growing a third head. There is a long silence. A couple minutes stretches into 10 minutes of silence. Robin looking between the two boys, Eddie looking at Steve with adoration and looking back at Robin to gauge her reaction, but through the whole time, Steve kept his eyes on Robin. It must’ve been twenty minutes before someone made a sound and when they did, it was Robin laughing.

[garfieldsladybird]

You can have me - I’m all yours ☺️🙃

Now, since I was just scrolling through and seeing loads of sexuality stuff on here it scares me so much I-

For me, i label myself as pan because I frankly don’t know - probably because i a) struggle to see the difference between platonic or other when I’m with a close friend, and b) can go around saying x is cute, but so it z and y regardless of their gender and all of that yk? I think I just like people for them, and find people with freckles just a little bit more hot.

I’m not a fan with people going deep into that and telling me what that means unless we’re having a convo because in y9 (13-14) I said I was bi, and I everyone treated me as if I was a lesbian, so I’ve just told everyone I’m straight, so they treat me as if I’m bi. It’s kinda weird - I think it was just the people I hung out with looking back.

I try not to focus on labels because theirs quite external opposed to just thinking about what I feel yk? Like I’ve never said anything to my mum, but she doesn’t assume I’m straight or gay - it just doesn’t come up, and I’ll tell her when I feel like a) I want to and b) when I actually know! My dad however, he’ll know when I say that I’m busy that weekend because it’s my tenth wedding anniversary with my wife type beat.

Idek / idrc if any of that makes any sense to anybody else besides you because I’m just trying to explain about me just to like get across that it doesn’t have to make sense <3

Sorry there’s a lot here <3

okay then you’re mine :DD

i understand that, like all of that. im literally that. the first paragraph; i am A & B.

2nd; i liked it kinda bc i was learning from it but i also dont like it bc i dont want to make my sexuality a big deal bc to me its not. but i did put a label on it and that is bi and that would be it cuz yeah.

3rd; my dad doesn’t know and idrc to tell him unless i get into a relationship that requires me to tell him. (I can’t change his mind on shit) as for my mom she knows i like who i like. so yeah same.

thalnk youu <33

[fidksbdkekdbcxj]

two weeks ago tried to make a todo list for the next day and it devolved into a schizo post.

Tomorrow;

I can’t fuckign organize my thoughts, i’m legitimately going insane what hte hell is going on

i can’t think straight

i seriously cant

this is not a joke

i might be losing it 

i legitimately might

holy shit

i don’t know what to do

i

‘m scared

i don’t want to lose myself

i wish i had someone to help

i can’t take care of myself

and i can’t take it anymore

i just wish it would stop

i don’t know what’s wrong with me

i’m just a broken person

i’m legitimately a broken person

this is not alirught

i am going to die one day

i am going to die soon

i legitimately believe that

i don’t want to die

it’s not a glamorous thing

it’s not about making a statement, it’s not about others

i just want these feelings to stop

otherwise it seems like there is no escape

i’m getting worse each day

it was not like this just a couple of months ago

i am actually going to fall apart

this is really bad

this is really really bad

this is terrible

this is not okay

someone help

i wish someone knew

nobody can know

i can’t do this

there’s no escape

i should call [redacted]

i don’t think she can take care of me though

how do i even explain this to her

she’ll never understand

i shouldn’t put her through this either

i have no one

i have nobody

there is nothing

i am alone

i can’t face [redacted 2] like this

i promised i would get better

but here i am, even worse than before

he was the one keeping me in one piece

and now i don’t have much left

what is wrong with me?

i know that the caffeine is playing a part

i feel so happy when i first drink it

but then i crash to this

it is definitely the drinks

i need to stay away from active ingredients completely

it’s for my own good, otherwise i will end up like this again

when you want to do something stupid think back to now

you do not want to go back to now

it isn’t worth it

it gets worse

i’m a little too obsessed with death

it just sounds so nice

so peaceful

before i said i want to be pretty when i die

but that was too performative

now i just don’t care

i also used to say if i don’t look good, id rather just disappear

i can make that happen

i can make that work

though i don’t think i have the energy

it would require a lot of time to make that happen.

or not, idk you could half ass it and just do part of it

i don’t know

there’s also the issue of pain

i don’t want to feel that much pain

well i’m okay with pain

it depends, actually

but the minimum amount of pain is ideal?

i don’t know

i kind of want to feel it

because i deserve to suffer

it just feels right

but also the whole point is

i just want it all to stop

 just for it to end

people say that if you don’t want to feel the pain of dying, then you don’t really want to die

people are stupid 

i hate it when people say they understand, but they don’t understand

i don’t understand myself

fuck off

i hate you 

i hate you so much

go away 

fuck you 

what the hell is happening?

i don’t know

i don’t know

who the hell am i anyway?

i’m a loser

worthless

i don’t deserve anything

if only i was just never born

that would make things so much easier

i’m not even that notable. i haven’t done anythign particularly wrong. why am i forced to feel this way

i hate all of you. i want all of you to leave me alone. nobody can see me like this. i was being an idiot. i don’t deserve any of this. waht the fuck is wrogn with me. i am kind of insane i am insane i am insane i am insane. i can’t feel my own. i just feel so alone. disassociated fro mthe world. i am floating. i ny heart is going so fast. i can’t keep on typing . i want to sleepe i need t oslteep that’s the only waty i’ll stop thinking about stupid shit. i just can’t keep on tgiong this is not good for me. this is terrible. i still don’t feel any better. i just need to make myself tired. i need to go to sleep i can’t keep this up this is terrible this is awful. what the. fuck me fuck this fuck all of it shit shit shit shitw shtiofashdfio

[7serendipities]

Crow Folks: Arise to Battle

Well. I almost made it to Lughnasadh this year, before I was called back to serve, before I was given work to do and words to share. But in the words of Irene Glasse: “Very well, war.” We are enmeshed in a cultural war here in the United States, and I think most of my readership is aware of that, but it ebbs and it flows — tides rise and they fall. But this past week, something many USians have been fearing has come to pass: the roll back of human rights for those people who happen to be able to get pregnant. This is seen as a victory by many whom I would consider enemies in this cultural war. Meanwhile, those I consider allies have begun buttressing mutual aid networks, mobilizing voters, and the like, but as witches and magic workers of all kinds, we also have an obligation to use our subtle talents, our magic, our energy weaving, to help support the values and rights we hold dear. Some of us have already begun planning joint workings on the Dark Moon tomorrow night, and it is in preparation for one such working that I went to go see Na Morrigna, both to confirm that I was hearing the call to active duty correctly (spoilers: I was), and to ask what to do and how to do it to both participate in and support the working I am preparing for. (And that’s also why this blog is coming before the Dark Moon, instead of my usual, which is to do the ritual on or slightly after the Dark Moon.) I won’t directly share information about that working, both because I’m not leading/organizing it, and because this is relatively public. I find that banework is usually best done quietly, and I also don’t think we should underestimate our opponents in this work: Evangelical Xtians are capable of a lot of what I’d call magic and witchcraft, baneful and otherwise. I imagine they’d take offence at my characterizing their work in that manner, but 1) good, be offended, and 2) I call it like I see it. I know people who’ve gotten hit by shit I could only term baneful, thrown by these types, and it’s not wimpy. (This is why protections are also very important if you’re going to engage in this kind of work, especially in a public manner.)

I’m not really going to tell you what exactly I’m planning to do, but I’ll briefly sketch you an outline of my goals, so skip this paragraph if you want to go straight to the message from Na Morrigna. Still here? Okay, so generally I’m first going to increase my general protections and wards, on myself, “my” people (family, and any practitioners I have sort of mutual protection agreements with), and also things like my car, and my spouse’s office. Then I plan to call in allies: my Deities, my Ancestors, my allies among the Fair Folk, and a few other allies whose specific help I will ask for in the working, including the spirits of several plants: Horsenettle, Dewberry, and Mint. The actual working will be done by the group jointly I believe, but I’ll follow up with a little additional work, playing to my own personal strengths, following the group working. It’s important to work from a place of empowerment, and it’s important to pick your targets carefully, but honestly there are a lot of practitioners out there who can explain the how and what of that better than I could do justice to the topic here, so go look and read and learn.

I spoke to Na Morrigna about my ideas for workings, and they helped me craft and refine my own plans, so those who have some experience in such workings may find it useful to discuss your plans with Them as well. But I also asked for a message for everyone, and this is what I received:

Crow Folks, you are feeling overwhelmed right now, exhausted, vulnerable, full of doubts and fears. But deep within you is a flame that will not be daunted; you have courage and determination enough yet to take action. Moving forward will require coordinated action, application of skills, and an unwavering focus on change. Look to your gods for strength, look to our priests for direction; our wisdom and guidance will show you the way forward. This is not going to be a fast and easy path; this is a war of many battles, over long years. Do what you can when you can; rest when you must. As voices together can hold a note longer than any one human’s lungs, so too will you be able to fight longer and more effectively together. The work will be ongoing, and you may not see the end of it, but do not despair, and do not turn away.

Arise, Crows, to battle…

[phoenixyfriend]

In Which Palpatine Leaves the Door Open

So, @purronronner suggested this on discord:

au where anakin finds out about palpatine during clone wars era like, coming in for a visit and overhears a conversation with Dooku about war planning he’s been pulled between palpatine and the Jedi/obi-wan/various things but I want to see him pulled between palpatine and his men could go either way on the sith part of the reveal even

palpatine is not aware! unless anakin’s course of action is to go “hey palpatine I must have misunderstood something right? :(“

(This was a group effort but there's a thing I wrote that requires this context so please bear with me.)

I'm just imagining Anakin backing out, closing the door, and turning to the Corrie Guard by the door to say a thing... and not finding words.

Eventually "Did you guys know he was evil?" "He's a politician, sir." "But like the evil ranting..." "He's a politician. Sir."

He's willing to use his men to save R2, but that's because R2 was part of the team and helping, not arranging battles to make things worse.

Anakin: Normally, I'd go to Palpatine to talk about my problems, but right now he is the problem... Obi-Wan and Yoda are off-planet.... Anakin, phoning up Padme: Help?

Per @atagotiak we also have some Intense Thoughts

Oh hey. The deception arc. And the subsequent argument that we don't see and stuff. Like there's all the ways you could justify it especially from an opsec standpoint (If Anakin acts like that around Padme why would anyone assume he can keep a secret about anything?) And it was a pretty tactically important thing for the war as far as anyone knew. But just. I've heard some people say that perhaps also Obi-Wan reasoned that hurting Anakin is an ok price to pay to make sure someone Anakin cares for doesn't die for real which seems plausible enough.

Anyways. My point is. Anakin gets a front row seat to sheevception when he actually sorta knows whats going on. Gets sidetracked halfway through yelling and stuff to think about how convoluted this whole mess is.

For more clone-centric things all the times Palpatine's like "I wish I could do more, it's truly regrettable, but..." Would just seem awfully fake now.

Anakin, belatedly: Wait, does this mean that, behind all the layers of bullshit, Palpatine was the one trying to kill Padme at the start of the war???

WHICH IS WHAT LEADS TO A WHOLE LOT OF FUN and yes this is the part I'm sort of proud of.

Okay so: Anakin's a shit liar, yes?

After he meanders over to Padme and has a breakdown, he then goes off to tell the Council about all this. I imagine she goes with him as moral support, and also because she wants to protect him from them calling him out on his legitimately terrible decisions. They're trying to come up with a plan to take Palpatine down without tipping their hands too early, because they need to investigate; for the sake of this plot point, we'll say that Palpatine mentioned a contingency plan while talking to Dooku, even if he didn't directly name the chips.

Someone mentions that Palpatine is going to ask to see Anakin, because he does regularly. And, as experience has shown, there is very little that will stop Palpatine from insisting that Anakin come see him. They can stall for a bit, maybe, but not for long.

"You could send me to the other side of the galaxy," Anakin suggests. "Short notice, so sorry, won't be around for a bit."

They point out that won't work forever.

"So... arrest me, or put me on a mental health hold?" Anakin tries. "Say I got violent at civilians or the clones for no reason and you need to make sure I won't hurt him, and then even if he visits me in the cell, I don't have to act normal 'cause he'll EXPECT me to be upset."

Palpatine presumably has spies all over, so he'd know that hadn't actually happened. Also, Anakin's too important to the war effort for anything short of a cold-blooded murder of an innocent, and they can't just take him off the field without an absolutely massive violation of the Code or his orders.

"Tell him I Fell," Anakin offers.

A Sith Lord would be able to feel that from across the galaxy, if it had happened, especially with the amount of time that he's put into grooming Anakin.

"Oh," Anakin says, and his stomach drops out as he realizes that he can either keep his secrets, or keep people alive.

He thinks about how Palpatine had targeted Padme already, and how if Palpatine thinks Anakin's betrayed him, then he'll probably do that again.

He thinks about 'a Sith Lord would know' and realizes... well.

Anakin values his freedom, but he also values his men, his padawan, his master, his wife... the wife that's in danger if Palpatine knows that Anakin caught him out.

The Order has to keep Anakin away from Palpatine. They need an excuse to arrest him. They need an excuse to hide him away, one that Palpatine won't question too hard.

A Sith Lord would know if Anakin fell. Even if he came back afterwards.

"So... so tell him you found out about the Tusken Massacre."

The what.

"...tell him you found out about the time I actually did Fall," Anakin says, squeezing Padme's hand. She knows. She's the only one who knows, on Coruscant, other than the Sith they're hunting. "On... on Tatooine. You can claim it was an anonymous tip. He already knows about that one. He's one of the only two people outside Tatooine that do. He might not question it."

(He won't question it.)

What did you do, Skywalker.

"I killed... a lot of people. A Tusken tribe. Including the children. Right before the war hit."

----

It's a hell of a way to fall on his figurative sword.

(Mace is... both impressed that Anakin would take the hit to make sure they can handle the Palpatine problem, and horrified about the Massacre, because... who wouldn't be.)

(Mace is unfortunately Anakin's main handler on this project.)

Anakin puts in so much effort, all the time, into not Falling, so it’s surprisingly (terrifyingly!) easy for him to fake a 'near miss' with the Dark just by thinking really hard about things that make him angry. Nobody wants him actually Falling for the ploy if they can help it, but they need to sell the bit, and Anakin's... well. He's Anakin. It's easy to think about his own emotional volatility until any control goes out the window.

He's sacrificing a lot for this mission! It's fine! He's fine!

(Padme, the council is judging you so hard right now.)

Palpatine comes to visit Anakin in prison, and it is very easy for Anakin to disguise his anger as... a different anger. I have a very intense mental image of Anakin working himself up into a frenzy when Palpatine comes to visit, and then at some point in the following conversation he just snaps something about how "you said they were animals who deserved to die."

The Council can even eke it out a bit, make it so they don't want to admit why Anakin's in prison or under a psychiatric hold or whatever they claim it is, so their "I'm hiding something vibes" look like "I'm hiding the fact that one of our most recognizable war heroes just came clean as a mass murderer and we have no idea how to handle it" instead of "I'm hiding that we know you're a Sith Lord and are working to take you down."

Obi-Wan comes back from an off-world mission to find out that Mace arrested his former padawan and Ahsoka hasn't stopped crying for three days because nobody will tell her what's going on.

(The Council decided this couldn't be risked on even an encrypted comm.)

(They maybe tell him soon enough? But also they might treat it like the Hardeen thing and use his reaction as fuel to keep Palpatine convinced.)

SKYGUY GOT ARRESTED AND NOBODY'S EXPLAINING WHY.

Rex is overwhelmed because it's been his job to keep her calm.

Anyway, padawanship has been temporarily transferred to the grandmaster. You were half-training her anyway.

Insert a subplot about Obi-Wan being horrified and betrayed and aiming the feeling at Padme because she knew about the Tuskens and never told.

[navalcriminalimagines]

Can you write another/the following part of "Oh, you're jealous"?

This is going to become a smut series. There's so much more to come! 👀

Warnings: pure smut, dom!Gibbs, boobjob, fingering, bathroom sex, orgasm denial, anal talk

Tags: @hotch-meeeeeuppppp @madamsnape921 @specialagentastra

NCIS Discord server: https://discord.gg/7YDHXd3q

Yes, sir

You didn't stop the flirting, you actually increased it. Gibbs wasn't really jealous anymore, because he knew why you did it, but he'd play along. It would give him the right to punish you once he took you home and boy, did he have many ideas in mind.

He watched you dance with Tony. Your body was extremely close to his, he could see his Agent enjoying how your hips were swaying against his. It wasn't really fair for Tony, he clearly had a crush on you. But Gibbs also knew the man would have another crush by the following week.

When you walked to the counter to order another drink, you felt Gibbs's body pressing against yours. "You fucking brat." he growled in your ear, causing you to laugh. "After that drink, you're done. I want your head to be clear enough for what will happen when we get home."

"Who said I was coming home with you tonight?" you grabbed your drink that the bartender put in front of you and thanked him. You were discreetly grinding your ass against Gibbs's crotch and you could feel a consequent bulge in his pants. Before you could take a sip of your drink, he grabbed the glass from your hand, drank it all and took your hand in his.

Gibbs didn't care much if people saw the two of you entering the restroom. Actually, he hoped some people did. Especially men, that may think what a damn lucky bastard he was. Cause he fucking was.

He had a plan and he was going to stick with it. He pinned you against the wall and worked on your jeans. He didn't even bother to kiss you. "You're gonna regret everything you did tonight." He looked deep in your eyes, you were sure he could see your soul. You were pouting, waiting for a fierce kiss that never came.

Gibbs slid his hand into your panties and you jolted at the physical contact. "I hope DiNozzo didn't make you this wet." He said, with a husky voice and you shook your head no. "Tell me who's responsible for this." It was an order. You struggled to form words as he was rubbing your sensitive clit. "Y/N." He was still waiting. He wouldn't get further unless you talked.

"You-- That's all you." you finally said, throwing your head back against the wall. You tried to touch him, his arms, his chest, anything but he slapped your hands away.

"Don't make me handcuff you."

You had never been handcuff before and that idea did things to you. But maybe for another time, you weren't sure you could handle it right now. So, you inhaled intensely and kept your arms along your body.

As a reward, Gibbs entered a thick finger in your wet cunt, still rubbing your clit with his thumb. You moaned from the back of your throat and a smirk appeared on Gibbs's face, but you didn't see it as your eyes were closed.

You were so wet, he could easily entered another thick finger inside your core. "Fuck, Jethro--" you moaned and he took it as an invitation to go faster. "Yes! Right there, keep going!"

Gibbs fingerfucked you there in the bathroom of a bar. It didn't matter how loud you were, thanks to the music. He stared at you losing it under his touch and he loved every second of it.

You could feel an orgasm building inside your belly, you wrapped your hand against his wrist, digging your nails in his skin. When you were about to explode, Gibbs completely withdraw his hand from your panties and you let out a loud whine.

He smiled and sucked the fingers that was just inside you, tasting your essence. "I hate you." you complained. You wanted to beg him to keep going but it would be so easy.

"I told you, Y/N. This is just the beginning," he said, before closing the distance between your bodies. He kissed you intensely, allowing you to taste yourself on his lips. "Until I say otherwise, you're not allow to touch yourself. Am I clear?"

"Yes, sir." you swallowed thickly.

"Good girl." he smirked and kissed you again, before exiting the bathroom.

You went back to the dancefloor. An orgasm denial was new to you, and you could feel how sensitive you were just by dancing. You kept looking at Gibbs from the corner of your eyes. The man was sitting with Fornell, talking but he was staring at you all along. "Man, she's not going to disappear, you can stop looking at her."

"Jealous much, Fornell?" Gibbs teased him.

"Well, I do wish I had someone to take to the bathroom. Details?"

*****

The car ride to Gibbs's place felt like an eternity. Before he drove off, he ordered you to open your jeans and touched yourself just lightly. You weren't allow to enter a finger inside your wet cunt, just rubbing your clit. But you were oversensitive already, just waiting to explode. When Gibbs sensed that you were close to cum, he grabbed your wrist - not so gently - to make you stop immediately. You whined again and he laughed.

"Poor thing." he teased.

He held your hand in his, rubbing small circles on your knuckles with his thumb. It was such a tender gesture, it made your heart melt, momentarily forgetting your orgasm denial. "I love you, Jethro." you said, not being able to stop yourself.

Since it's one long seat in his truck, he used his free arm to pull you against him. He took his eyes off the road just enough to kiss your temple. "I love you, too, Y/N." he whispered.

*****

Once inside his house, you didn't waste anytime and jumped in his arms. He chuckled, before responding to your needy kiss.

It required a lot of self control for Gibbs not to fuck you senseless right here, right now. He wanted to make you cum hard on his cock, making you losing control under him but that wasn't the plan.

Still kissing you intensely, he took you to the bedroom. He threw you on the bed nonchalantly. "Strip." he ordered you.

You stood on the bed and undressed yourself right in front of him. He looked at you like a lion looking at its prey. You could feel yourself dripping between your legs. It would only take a bit of stimulation to make you cum hard.

When you were completely naked, Gibbs grabbed your ankles and flipped you on the bed. In a second, you were laying on your back and he pushed on your knees to spread your legs. Your pussy was shiny from wetness and he licked his lips.

He dived in and gently licked your sensitive clit. You jolted immediately and Gibbs smirked. He made himself comfortable between your legs and started to eat you like a starving man. He alternately licked and sucked hard on your clit before putting his tongue inside your core. He tried to push it as far as he could, fucking you with it.

You were completely worked up. Gibbs felt you tensing pretty quickly. "Absolutely delicious." he growled. He had only pulled away for a brief second to talk but you instantly bucked your hips, looking for friction. He chuckled, and buried his tongue inside you again.

"Yes, Jethro! Please, don't stop!" you moaned, ready to cum on his face.

But he pulled away. "Damn you, Gibbs!" you cried.

"You don't deserve to the relief yet. You spent the entire day making me jealous, remember?" He moved to get on top of you and kissed you deeply.

“I’d apologize but I know about Rule 6 and— I do not regret it.”

“You just postponed your relief.” You looked at him with questioning eyes, but he just smirked again.

Laying by your side, he explained the rules for the next days. First, he repeated what he said at the bar: you were not allow to touch yourself in his back. Then, he made sure you remembered the safe word. And he let you what he had planned: he was going to edge you for days, you would be begging him like you never begged before. Meanwhile, he’d use you when he wants, how he wants. “Are you okay with it?”

“Yes. God yes. Use me.” You kissed him. “I’m all yours.” You whispered.

“That’s my good girl.” He kissed you more passionately, grabbing your hips to put you on top of him. You could feel the bulge in his pants, his cock was waiting to be freed and taken care of.

Unfortunately, you may cum uncontrollably if he fucked you. He wanted it. He wanted to bury himself deep inside you and fill you up with his cum and then fucking his load back in you again. But that was too risky for the plan. Especially since you just agreed to it.

Gibbs had never done anything like this. Not that his sex life had been simple or boring, but he always had limits. Probably because he knew his past partners were into all of this. But you were different. You were open-minded, ready to try anything at least once, and damn, you were so needy with him, always wet and ready for him, he felt like a fucking god. He never felt that before.

You loved sex. But sex with Gibbs, that was beyond loving it. You were craving for him, all day everyday. The man turns you on by just existing, it's too much sometimes.

"Ever tried anal?" He asked, as you were grinding against his rock hard cock.

"No... you?"

"Neither. My exes thought it was--" you kissed him to make him shut up.

"I don't give a shit about your exes. I wanna try it."

That thought only almost sent Gibbs over the edge. Thinking about his cock stretching your hole, feeling how tight you are around him, cuming deep inside your ass, and if he added the fact that he'd be the first, that was a lot. He grunted deeply under your touch. "You like that idea, don't you?" you teased him.

"We will go over the ground rules later, but for now, you're going to make me cum on those perfect tits."

"Yes."

"Yes, who?"

"Yes, sir." you smiled and kissed you one more time before going further down.

You took his pants off him, along with his briefs. He was painfully hard, you could see some precum coming out of the head. You licked it just lightly and he moaned. You gave him a few strokes with your hand before placing his cock between your breasts.

You pressed them around his length and started to go up and down. You could tell from the noises Gibbs was making that he wasn't far. You kept going, taking the head in your mouth a few times. "Fuck, you're perfect, sweetheart." he growled. "I'm gonna cum."

You went as fast as you could, until he tensed under you. You felt his hot load on your chest and chin, as he cried your name. You looked at him coming and it was a freaking hot sight. You've never seen him losing it like this before. He looked even more perfect than he already was.

You laid on his side as he was catching his breath. He looked at you with such loving eyes, you wanted this moment to last forever.

He cleaned his mess on your skin with his fingers and brought them to your mouth. You opened it, sticking out your tongue and sucked his fingers clean. "How are you feeling down there?" he teased you.

"Bite me. I need a fucking shower."

Gibbs followed you to the bathroom and you two showered together.

There was some very long days ahead for you.

[babyboibucky]

Elevate Thy Hate

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: Not a day goes by that you and Bucky don’t argue.

Word Count: 4,642

Warnings: Cliché plot but slight angst, self-doubt and Bucky being a loveable idiot who sucks at communicating

A/N: Surprise one-shot because I just remembered I wrote this like...last year lmfao

MAIN MASTERLIST

-

You woke up feeling great and excited. The mission was finally finished, debriefings were done and reports have been submitted. Everyone was given an entire week to get some rest and since rest days were pretty rare, you truly looked forward to this day.

Before you could even saunter in the kitchen, you had already heard the chatters from your fellow Avengers. One particular voice irked you though but hell no, you weren’t going to let one Bucky Barnes ruin your day.

A chorus of good mornings greeted you as soon as you walked into the kitchen. Nat and Steve were on one side of the counter sipping their coffee while Sam and Wanda were finishing up their food. Tony and Bruce were out of sight, probably holed up in the lab doing experiments as usual. Bucky didn’t acknowledge you and quickly headed out of the kitchen, thankfully. You weren’t in the mood to pick a fight.

Walking up to the cupboards, you quickly grabbed you favorite cereal and proceeded to pour it out on your bowl. None came out though. You peeked inside bag and saw that only crumbs of it were left.

“Who the—“

Everyone was already pointing at Bucky when you turned around to ask. And of course, Bucky did it on purpose because he stood there at the end of the hallway, watching you with smug grin on his face.

“I hope your day sucks.” He said and flipped you the bird before turning around to walk away.

You groaned out loud, ignoring the amused chuckles from everyone else in the kitchen.

“I’m not stooping down to your level, asshole! I hope your day is average!”

The day was fortunately uneventful, except for your ruined breakfast care of Bucky. You were determined not to let that annoy you for the rest of the day. So far, so good. You could only wish it’d continue that way for the rest of the week.

-

“I told you not to rush!” Bucky snapped.

“I had him already! If you didn’t throw that goddamn smoke grenade I would’ve killed him!” You explained.

You could see Sam shaking his head in frustration. Bucky always had to blame something on you even though you weren’t the one at fault.

Bucky snorted, “He had a sniper for fuck’s sake! One shot and you’re dead.”

“Oh wow, says the one who got shot before I did.” You rolled your eyes at Bucky.

The two of you continued to bicker until Nat and Steve walked into the living room looking confused as you and Bucky exchanged insults while Sam remained sandwiched between the both of you on the couch.

“Who got shot?” Steve asked, glancing at you and Bucky alternately.

“Did we miss out on a mission or...?” Nat continued.

Sam chuckled, “We were playing Call of Duty and we lost.” He explained, taking the opportunity to get up from the sofa.

Steve still looked lost, something that Nat immediately picked up. “It’s a video game.” She explained.

“You two are fighting over a game?” He asked you and Bucky.

“They fight over everything.” Nat shrugged and walked out of the room with Sam tagging behind her.

“I’m outta here too, I’m so done babysitting the kids.” He muttered under his breath.

-

It was past midnight when you were in the living room alone, watching television while eating a Whopper. The lights were turned off and it was absolutely quiet in the compound, setting the perfect ambience for the crime documentary you were watching.

Not long after, you heard someone walk into the living room. It was only when your heard the familiar grunt that you realized who it was. Of course, it had to be Bucky.

“Are you eating a burger?” He asked incredulously.

“No, it’s popcorn. Of course it’s a fucking burger, are you blind or just dumb?” You snapped, your eyes still glued on the television.

“Dumbfounded that you’re eating that at this hour. No wonder you suck at cardio.” Bucky said as he sat down on the other end of the sofa.

“Are you body-shaming me?” You gasped.

Bucky snickered, “I didn’t say anything, I just said you suck at cardio.” He said, not looking at you.

You chose to ignore him and brought your attention back to the television. It was quiet for moment. You almost forgot about Bucky’s presence until of course, he decided to annoy you yet again.

“Can you pass the remote?” Bucky asked monotonously.

“No.”

Silence.

“This show sucks.” He commented.

You were focused on the show but noticed that Bucky was staring at you.

“Can you please pass the remote?” He asked again.

“In case you didn’t notice, I’m watching. I was here first. I hold the rights to control the remote.” You deadpanned, refusing to look at him.

There was a flash of black and gold right before your eyes. Everything happened quickly and the next thing you knew, Bucky was hovering above you, trapping you between his body and the arm rest of the sofa.

“The fuck, Barnes?! Get off of me!” You protested and started pushing him away.

“You gotta work on your reflexes, darling.” He said, finally leaning away from you, remote now in his hand.

He grinned triumphantly and switched the channel before placing the remote inside his sweatpants, “Want to switch the channel? Come and get it.” he taunted as he leaned back on the couch, opening his legs wide as he showed off how the remote created a tent in his sweatpants.

That was the remote...right? You mentally slapped yourself for actually thinking about what Bucky was packing beneath those pants and frowned.

“You’re an asshole and a disgusting one.” You told him.

“God, I hate you.” You muttered and crumpled the wrapper of your burger before throwing it at Bucky.

Deciding that you didn’t want to argue any further, you got up and left the living room, but not without telling Bucky again how much you hated him for making your life miserable.

“The feeling is mutual.” You heard him say.

-

The petty fights with Bucky went on and on during that entire week of rest. Despite the arguments, there were small moments of kindness shared between you and the soldier.

“Where are you going dressed up so nicely?” You asked Bucky upon seeing him walk into the kitchen wearing a leather jacket on top of a black shirt, dark, tight-fitting jeans and a pair of Doc Martens.

It was meant as an insult, of course. You took every opportunity to tease Bucky and his newfound sense of fashion. Said fashion meant his taste for very millennial outfits despite his old age.

“Grocery.” He replied as he went over to the fridge to pour himself a glass of water.

“Ooh, can you buy me Starbucks on your way back? I’ll pay.” You asked kindly.

Bucky just stared at you as he drank from his glass of water. He slammed it on the counter before walking past you.

“Not a damn chance.”

He did buy you Starbucks though. It didn’t shock you that much considering that the both of you didn’t hate on each other all the damn time. But what surprised you was that he brought you your usual drink and your favorite pastry too.

Steve must have forced him to do so, probably told his best friend your usual orders as well so you made a note to thank him as soon as they got back.

And thank Steve you did, but you didn’t expect the reply that you got.

“Oh was that the reason why Bucky kept bugging me about stopping by Starbucks?” Steve asked.

You narrowed your eyes at him, “What do you mean? I thought he told you I asked him to buy me Starbucks.”

Steve chuckled, “I guess now I know why he wouldn’t shut up about it.” he said, amusement laced in his tone.

“I don’t understand, Cap.” you said.

Steve just smiled at you in response before squeezing your shoulder, “Maybe you will understand soon.”

And with that, he left you feeling even more confused. You honestly didn’t understand the context of the conversation so you decided to just ignore it. Steve sometimes would say weird shit that none of the Avengers knew about. You dismissed it and thought that maybe it was Steve being a decade old, it was probably an old man thing.

You decided to make coffee for Bucky the following day, as a simple gesture to thank him for the Starbucks. He didn’t ask you to pay him back so you felt obligated to do a little something for him. You were an asshole to him sometimes, yes, but that didn’t mean you weren’t going to give credit where credit is due.

Okay, so maybe you didn’t really hate Bucky. If you did actually hate him, the entire team would probably do something about it. Maybe force the two of you to talk things out. The hatred was all fun and games, everyone seemed to be amused by it too.

You still considered Bucky your friend despite the constant bickering. You had to admit, the arguments were pretty fun.

Although, you were wondering whether Bucky felt the same about considering you as his friend. Sometimes, his attitude towards you confused the hell out of you.

One day he’d eat the chocolate you’ve been saving up for cheat day just to spite you. And it definitely did because you ended up cursing him out loud when you saw him munching on it. The next day he brought you a new one. You were watching Netflix when he waltzed into the living room and threw a bar of chocolate at your lap before walking out without saying a word.

These exchange of small yet kind (and confusing) gestures remained unacknowledged. You didn’t know why but you also didn’t feel the need to talk about them. You weren’t going to lie but Bucky’s random acts of kindness would always put a smile on your face.

-

The vacation unfortunately came to an end and everyone had to go back to saving the world. All of you were gathered in the conference room with Fury for a briefing about the next mission. It wasn’t as big as the last one but it still required a lot of planning.

After explaining the mission, Fury let Steve take over the meeting to strategize.

Some were assigned to do surveillance around the parameter while some were appointed to do all the groundwork. Steve of course, just had to partner you with Bucky to do the actual infiltration given that your skills complemented each other’s.

You grinned and was prepared to roast Bucky’s ass when you turned to him and was met with a scowl. He shook his head with what you assumed was disappointment and turned away from you.

It was the first time he ever dismissed you like that. Sure, you were rude to each other but the look that Bucky gave you wasn’t a teasing one. He wasn’t mocking you nor frustrated. Bucky seemed to really hate the idea of being partnered with you. It was the first time that the two of you had to work together without anyone else. Usually, Steve or Sam joined but for this mission, it was just you and Bucky. Concluding that he must have woken up at the wrong side of the bed, you chose to ignore your gut feeling and focused back to Steve.

After the meeting, everyone else exited the room and started with the preparations for the mission. As you walked down the hallway leading to your bedroom, you heard some soft chattering coming from Steve’s bedroom.

You were supposed to ignore it until you heard your name, making you stop in your tracks.

“I can’t be partnered with her, Steve.”

Bucky.

“Buck, just go with it. I can’t be changing assignments at the last minute.” Steve explained.

Bucky sighed, “You know I can’t function properly when she’s around, let alone be partnered with her. She distracts me, Steve. Her skills distract me and I swear on our friendship, I would end up dying on this assignment.”

“You’re being overly dramatic, Buck. Just suck it up, pal. Do the mission and get it over with.”

“Steve, you don’t understand. I really can’t deal with her. Especially if it’s just the two of us. You know how much I fucking—“

“Hate me?”

You couldn’t help but interject in their conversation. How could you not? Bucky was complaining about how he couldn’t deal with you. It really hurt hearing Bucky say all those things about you. Sure, you were somewhat new to the team and you didn’t have superpowers nor years of training like the rest. But you worked your ass off to be in this position. And for him to say that he couldn’t function with you being around struck a nerve. The last thing on your mind was to hold back your teammates, that’s why you train twice, thrice as hard.

Steve and Bucky stared at you as if they’ve seen a ghost. It’s as if all their blood was drained out of their body when they saw you step inside the room. Bucky was about to say something but you decided to cut him off, not wanting to hear more about how he doesn’t want to be partnered with you.

“We don’t get along that well, I get that. But I honestly thought that our arguments were harmless. Hell, I consider us friends. I didn’t think that you actually hated me.” Your voice quivered because you were truly, deeply hurt.

“That’s not what I meant.” Bucky insisted.

“You literally said that you might end up dying because of being partnered with me, Bucky! Look, I know that I don’t have a super serum running through my veins. I can’t move things with my mind and I can’t come up with life-changing tech. I wasn’t trained since childhood nor have the perfect aim. But I worked hard to be in this team. I trained hard not to be a burden to anyone and I’m sorry if my skills aren’t up to your standards.”

What did you even do to Bucky for him to hate you this much?

“Don’t worry, I won’t burden you. Once this mission is over, I won’t bother you anymore. Ever.” You said before walking out of the way, ignoring Bucky when he had repeatedly called your name.

-

The ride to the location was filled with tension. Although everyone else had no idea what happened, they somehow knew that the tension had something to do with you and Bucky.

Thankfully, the quinjet was big enough for you not to end up sitting beside Bucky.

“You okay?” Wanda asked, noticing how restless you were.

What you heard definitely affected you in more ways than one. You kept on double checking your weapons, your gadgets and you even ended up doubting yourself. Were you really equipped to be an Avenger? Steve said that Bucky was merely overacting but what if he was right? What if you weren’t skilled enough to protect him or your teammates?

“That’s not true.” Wanda said out of the blue. “I didn’t mean to read your mind, though. Your thoughts are coming off too strong, kinda hard to ignore.” She said apologetically.

You softly laughed, “I should really be staying away from you.” You joked.

Wanda smiled and placed her hand on top of yours, “I mean it though. You’re amazing at what you do. I don’t understand why you’re doubting yourself about being an Avenger.”

Swallowing the lump in your throat, you offered Wanda a grateful smile. You noticed that Bucky had been staring at you the entire time but simply ignored him. You weren’t going to let him snap you out of your focus.

-

Once on location, everyone started to split up and listened for Steve’s orders through the comms. You and Bucky managed to get inside the base, all thanks to Nat and the Hulk who handled all the guards.

The building was completely empty when the two of you walked around in search of the hidden quarters where all the intel were kept.

Bucky whistled to get your attention, you turned and saw that he was motioning towards what seemed to be a regular brick wall. However, there were a few bricks out of place and upon examining it, you realized it was some sort of a secret door. You managed to figure out which bricks to push and thankfully, it didn’t take you long enough to open the door which revealed an old, steel elevator.

“We found the entrance, Steve.” Bucky said into the comms.

“Careful in there, there were suspiciously a few guards within the parameters. They all might be in there.” Nat warned.

You heaved out a deep breath before stepping into the elevator with Bucky trailing behind you. There was only one button in the elevator, a red one.

“Can someone scan the elevator and make sure this button won’t set off any boobie trap or something?” You asked nervously as you inspected the elevator for any hidden traps.

The comms cracked with Sam’s voice. “Button is safe although...” he trailed.

“Although what?” Bucky asked, examining the elevator as well.

“You’re in for a long ride.”

You frowned, “How long?” You asked.

“Can’t see. It’s way too deep.”

Sam was able to scan the entire base and true enough, the elevator would lead deep down into the hidden laboratory. How deep into the ground it was, none could tell. Neither Sam nor Tony’s technology could see through due to the lack of signal. Steve said it might be dangerous to proceed given that there were no other ways into the lab except for the elevator.

The lack of signal down there meant no communication.

“Guys, I don’t think it’s a good idea to continue with this mission.” Steve said.

“But we’re so close, Steve.” You said.

“I think Steve is right. It’d be hard to call for back up when things go south.” Bucky interjected, not even sparing you a glance.

You snorted. Bucky sure wasn’t overacting when he was complaining about your skills. He definitely didn’t trust you. You weren’t going to settle for that.

“We won’t need any back up.”

And with that, you pressed the red button and completely ignored everyone’s warnings through the comms. Bucky looked at you with disbelief and tried to press the red button again in hopes of halting the elevator. However, the brick wall had closed and the elevator started its descent.

“Why the fuck did you do that?!” He yelled and tried to search the elevator for some sort of stop button.

“We’ll follow soon!” Steve’s voice was the last you heard before your comms completely lost its signal.

“Christ, we don’t even know whether it’s the lab that’s down there!” Bucky said, continuing his search for anything that would bring the both of you up to the ground floor.

“I’m not as stupid as you think I am. All secret doors lead to a top secret room and no, we won’t be needing any back up because I am totally capable of taking down anyone who gets in the way.” You stubbornly replied and leaned against the wall.

You wondered how long the elevator ride was going to be. At the speed that it’s going, it wasn’t impossible to take at least fifteen to twenty minutes if the lab was really far down into the ground. Bucky’s frustration was evident from the way he kept on inspecting the elevator walls. At first it was easy to ignore but Bucky was becoming more and more desperate to find a way to go back up.

“Your desperation to stay away from me is just...astounding.” You said with a bitter chuckle.

“I’m finding a way to get out of here, not away from you.” Bucky explained calmly.

You shook your head, “You don’t trust me to keep you alive, I get it. But can you tone it down even for just a bit?” You spat at him.

Bucky pressed the bridge of his nose and let out an exasperated sigh, “You don’t need to keep me alive.”

“Of course not, you don’t need me to do so ‘cause you’re so capable. How did I not think of that?” At this point, you couldn’t stop the word vomit.

You had tons of things to say to Bucky to prove to him that you were totally good at what you do, that he didn’t need to underestimate you just because you were a new addition to the team.

“That’s not what I mean.” Bucky explained again.

It was starting to annoy you that the more you were becoming agitated, the calmer he was becoming. And he kept on telling you that he meant differently with his statements but he never really attempted to further explain his side.

“Then what do you mean, Bucky?” You pressed. “What did I ever do to you for you to hate me this much? Did I say something offensive? Do I have to train 24/7 for you to think that I deserve to be working alongside the Avengers?” You kept on babbling on and on and on.

Bucky rubbed his face with his hand, “I don’t hate you, okay?” He doesn’t even spare you a look.

All this time, he was looking at anything but you and it was really getting on your nerves.

“See? You keep on telling me that you don’t hate me but you can’t even look at me! I mean, if you really loathe me then own up to it! It hurts me more that you keep on denying it when you can’t even explain a damn thing. At least tell me why!” You were never an emotional person and Bucky knew that, so when he finally turned to look at you, he was surprised to see you on the verge of tears.

“Hey, hey...” Bucky coaxed and tried to hold you but you stepped away from him.

“Just please tell me why, Buck. Tell me and I promise to stay away. If you think I suck at being an Avenger to the point of irritating you, tell me so I can train my fucking ass off until you deem me fit to be an Avenger. If my jokes offended you, I’m sorry. If I—“

“It’s because I like you.”

“...what?”

Bucky Barnes...likes you? It’s as if the silence went on forever inside the elevator that seemed to keep going. How long were the two of you inside it anyway? You couldn’t tell anymore and you didn’t know whether Bucky was simply fooling around with you.

“That’s not funny.” You said.

Bucky shook his head, “It’s not a joke.”

You stared at him doubtfully, “Explain.” You demanded.

Bucky licked his lips and let out a soft chuckle, “I’m an idiot.” He said.

“That doesn’t explain anything. If any, I’d think you’re simply fucking with me.” You pointed out and crossed your arms over your chest.

That seemed to urge Bucky to finally explain. “What you heard in Steve’s room was correct.”

“So you really hate me.”

Bucky groaned, “Let me finish, please?” He pleaded. When you remained silent, he continued to explain himself.

“You really do distract me during missions. Because you’re so amazing and I never doubted your skills. But I also get worried and I hate it when I see you in pain or wounded and it fucking distracts me. I didn’t want to be partnered with you because when I see you, I just...fuck. I like you that much. You kick someone’s ass and I’d end up watching you with awe that it’d cause me my own demise. That’s what I meant. That I’d probably end up dying because whenever you’re around, you have my full attention.”

The anger within you dissipated just like that. You could feel your face heat up from Bucky’s unexpected confession.

“But you’re an asshole to me.” You pointed out.

Bucky laughed, “Because that’s how I get your attention. You walk into a room with a kind-hearted super soldier, a witty bird brain and a few more intelligent men and yet I’d be the first one you’d acknowledge. With a snarky comment but still, attention is attention. It’s the only way I get to interact with you without feeling awkward. I suck at conversations, I mean, you heard me and though I was hating on you when I was merely blabbering to Steve about how much I like you.”

This time, you couldn’t hold back your laughter. All along, Bucky was finding a way to talk to you even though it meant constant arguments over the pettiest things. To be fair though, he really did suck at communicating.

“I’m sorry that it came across like that.” Bucky apologized sincerely. “I hope this doesn’t change anything between us.” He admitted.

You shrugged, “Oh but it does. In fact, it changes everything.”

Bucky’s face fell.

“Because I think I like you too and I kinda want for things to change. For the better of course.” You grinned.

Bucky chuckled and scratched his forehead bashfully, “You think, huh? Not sure?” He asked and turned to you just as the elevator doors opened.

Indeed, it led to the lab where almost all of the targets stayed. The man nearest the elevator had his gun pointed at Bucky but before he could even pull the trigger, Bucky had thrown his knife at him without even sparing a glance and choked the next guy to attack with his metal arm before throwing him towards a group of armed men. He was just gazing at you with a smittened smile.

“Still not sure about liking me back?”

Impressed at his gesture, you smirked.

“Now I am.”

-

By the time Steve, Nat and Sam walked out of the elevator, the mission had already been done. You walked towards the trio and handed Steve a USB.

“All their data is already saved there. Wiped out their entire system clean too.” You told him, voice chirpy and all.

Bucky was right behind you, a couple of folders in his hands before handing them to Sam, “Lotsa confidential info in there too which includes our next targets.” he said and walked past Sam with a certain jump in his steps.

The three exchanged glances before looking around the entire lab. Men were scattered on the floor, most were dead and others heavily injured.

“What the hell happened here?” Nat asked, avoiding the injured men on the ground as she walked around.

“The mission happened, Nat. All that matters now is that everything has been resolved. I mean, everything.” You said meaningfully and threw Bucky a flirty smile before walking into the elevator.

He followed suit and saluted at the three before pushing the red button. The doors weren’t even closed yet when Bucky couldn’t hold back and quickly leaned to press a soft kiss on your lips. An action that definitely didn’t go unnoticed by the three. You couldn’t help but chuckle when you noticed their reactions before the elevator closed.

Said trio stood there dumbfounded and confused as hell. Early on, the tension between you and Bucky was felt by everyone. The kind of tension then wasn’t even a sexual one. It was so intense that Nat was actually expecting to see you and Bucky at each other’s throats when they got down to the lab.

“Guess that the long ass elevator ride did something. Whatever was in that elevator seems interesting. Wanna go check it out, Nat?” Sam asked suggestively.

Steve chuckled and shook his head.

Nat simply smirked and walked past Sam, “In your dreams, Wilson.”

-

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Birthday Bummer - Bakugou Katsuki

Bakugou x f!reader

Warnings: Angst, Cursing, Fluff, cheating accusations, jealous Katsuki

Summary: You love your boyfriend! You do! And he loves you! However he’s always busy. You understand being a pro can be very occupational but when he does have days off, he spends them either training to doing some paper work. Doing everything he can to get ahead, and you of course support him! But sometimes you miss him and sometimes he misses..a lot

BAKUGOU’S MASTERLIST

“Oh? You’re not gonna be able to make it again?” You said with sadness laced in your voice. The phone in your hand felt like led in your shaking palm as you spoke to your boyfriend.

“Yeah. I’m so sorry Teddy Bear. Endeavor won’t let me off especially with all the damaged I caused during our last battle.” He explained. Your lip began to quiver but you bit it to hide your expression.

“It’s fine, Suki. Really. I understand, you’re a hero and you’re busy. Don’t worry about it, Love.” You said with a reassuring tone.

“Are you already at the restaurant?” He asked with worry.

“No, I didn’t even leave the house yet. I was still getting ready. I was actually gonna text you to tell you I was gonna be a little late, but..yeah.” You said. Bakugou sighed in sadness.

“I’m so sorry. I promise I’ll make it up to you baby.” Another empty promise. You licked your lips at his words and gave a disappointed sigh.

“Ok.” You replied.

“I love you.” He sweetly said.

“I love you too.”

���Bye Y/N!” Kirishima said from the other side of the phone.

“Shitty Hair said ‘bye’” Bakugou said, relaying the message.

“Heh, bye Kiri.” You said and hung up. You placed the phone down on the table and bounced your leg up and down as you let your head rest in your hand.

Of course. Like usual, Katsuki blew you off again for work. It’s not like it’s his fault but he never seems to turn his agency down. You understand that being a hero requires diligent work and good ethics but your boyfriend would always drop everything for work whenever, wherever. That includes you.

“Excuse me, Miss?”

You looked up to the man who was dressed in a clean suit with a white apron. “Would you like anything else?”

“Ha, I mean..unless you can get my date here, then just the check.” You joked. The kind waiter placed an understanding hand on your shoulder before placing down the bill. You sipped from your champagne glass and payed before grabbing your purse and walking out of the fancy restaurant. Maybe if your boyfriend were here, you would be getting in his car with him to go home, but instead, you were driving your own and sitting by yourself. You began your drive home to the empty house.

The usual. Katsuki blows you off for work, tries to make it up to you with something special, fails to show up for that, repeat cycle. This time..it was different though. It was supposed to be your special day. It was your birthday.

You hoped he would’ve remembered. I mean, it’s not like this was your first birthday with him. This was going to be your 4th birthday with him! And he forgot! And you would’ve let it slide had it not been for the fact that he had been blowing you off more and more for work. You understand he’s a pro and you get that with the sudden splurge of crime in Musutafu he’s been way busier but he didn’t even spare you a little “Happy Birthday, babe.”

As you pulled into the driveway, you looked at the doorway and saw an edible arrangement! Your eyes lit up as you ran out the car and went to examine the gift. Unfortunately, as you read the gift card, you saw it was from Mina and not Katsuki. You smiled nonetheless, appreciative of the gift.

You brought it in and enjoyed the sweet treats in the basket with a sad smile. You left it on the dining table along with all the other gifts. A beautiful set of rings, a new dress, a heart holding teddy bear, and a bouquet of roses from your father. You were always a daddy’s girl. You and your father were extremely close and only grew closer once you lost your mother. Growing up an only child, your father was your best friend. You loved him dearly. As you examined the flowers, you couldn’t help but notice his note that put a smile on your face.

Hello my Sweet Angel, Y/N. It’s been another year of you being in my life and I couldn’t be happier to have been blessed with you. I hope these roses will suffice but I know they pale in comparison to your beauty. I hope you enjoy this marvelous day and I’m sorry I couldn’t be there to spend it with you as we usually do. I love you Y/N

-Daddy

You called your father to thank him for the roses and to have a conversation with him. You hadn’t talked to many people today despite it being your birthday so talking to one of your favorite people should bring your mood to a better place.

“Alright, I should get going now. It’s pretty late and you need your rest.” You reminded your father.

“Of course dear. Have a nice night, goodnight sweetie.”

“Okay, goodnight Daddy!” You chirped.

“Goodnight!”

You enjoyed speaking to your father and you definitely did feel your mood brighten until you noticed a text from Katsuki. You foolishly hoped it was a last minute birthday mention but of course you were wrong.

‘I’ll be home soon, princess. Mind getting dinner started? Thanks <3’

You could only sigh and feel your mood drop once more.

Afterwards, you chose to ignore his request and went to your shared bedroom. You stripped out of your gorgeous outfit and took off your makeup that you spent hours on. You hoped Katsuki would’ve gotten to see you all dolled up for your special day but things happen..you guess. You ran a hot bath for yourself and filled it with all types of scented bath salts, soaps, and flower petals. You lit a few candles and set them up all pretty around the tub and hopped in, relishing in the warmth that wrapped around you. All you wanted to do was forget about today.

—

Bakugou walked through the door exhausted from the day’s work. He took a shower at the agency and was all set and dressed in a comfy tee and a pair of sweats. He dropped his case at the door and walked in, expecting dinner for him on the island, but instead was met with a bunch of gifts. He stood shocked but chuckled to himself at the thought of you doing such a nice thing for him out of nowhere. He guesses that this was better than dinner.

He walked to the gifts and examined them. An edible arrangement that seemed to be eaten? Rings that were obviously for a woman? A dress? Okay, by now he realized that these gift must’ve been for you but for what? He continued to look through the gifts and noticed the lovey dovey Teddy Bear and bouquet. He grew a little irked at the gifts that one would deem romantic but what really sent it was the note. The words made his blood boil and when he saw the note was signed “Daddy,” he exploded.

“Is she…” as Bakugou thought about it, he came to the conclusion that you must’ve been cheating on him with some sugar daddy. The gifts, the dress, the rings, the note?! It gave him all the signs. In a raging fit, he took the basket and slammed it to the floor. He ripped apart the Teddy Bear, tossed the rings, singed the dress, and stomped on the beautiful roses. Finally, he made his way to search for you as he spoke to himself. “Oh that cheating fucking bitch.”

—

You were all set with your bath and had already dried your hair. You were dressed in your favorite silk set as you laid on the king sized bed. Suddenly, the door busted open and your boyfriend walked through the door, and he was pissed.

“Katsuki! The door!” You exclaimed before Bakugou made his way over to you.

“Am I not enough for you?!” He screamed. You looked at him in silent confusion and your pause urged him to continue. “What?! Do I not make enough money to your liking?! Well sorry if I can’t fucking spoil you! I just thought you would’ve appreciated my fucking efforts a little damn more considering you don’t have to work at all!”

“Katsuki, what the hell are you talking about?” You questioned, sitting up a little straighter.

“I’m talking about you fucking cheating on me! You think I wouldn’t notice all the fucking gifts you got for spreading your legs for some rich bastard?!” He asked and threw your gifted dress on your lap. You looked at it in shock as you ran your fingers across the singes. “Why don’t you take that fucking dress and the rest of your stupid gifts, and get the fuck out of this ho-“

Without letting him finish, you pushed his chest away and ran downstairs to the island. You set your eyes on the island and you stopped in your tracks, covering your open mouth with your hands in shock. Bakugou followed you down the stairs so he could see your reaction to having your gifts ruined, thinking it was exactly what you deserved for “cheating.”

“No, no, no!” You said an ran to the scattered gifts, trying to collect them as best as you could. Tears fell down your face as you looked at all the broken pieces in your hand. It wasn’t that you cared about receiving gifts, it was that these gifts were from people who cared enough to remember the day you came into this world. A day your own boyfriend couldn’t even remember this year. You found the crushed bouquet and held it against your chest. A gift from your dear father, ruined.

“What is wrong with you?” You tearfully asked the blonde behind you. You stood on your feet as he smirked at you with crossed arms and scoffed.

“What’s wrong with you? Fucking cheating on me with some sugar daddy?! And don’t even try to lie your way out of this shit, I read the fucking card.” He stated. You gawked at him in confusion and looked around as if he was crazy.

“The bouquet was from my father, Bakugou! Not my fucking sugar daddy! I don’t fucking have one, you prick!” Your words made Bakugou’s eyes pop as his arms uncrossed and slowly fell to his sides.

“W-What?” He asked.

“My father! The roses were from my father! The edible arrangement was from Mina, the rings were from Momo, the teddy bear was from Kirishima, and the dress was from Jirou! They gave me these gifts because it’s my birthday! Remember?!”

Bakugou immediately felt guilt build up in his chest. A little relief with that fact that you weren’t cheating, but immediate guilt for accusing you of doing so, telling you to leave, breaking your gifts, and forgetting your birthday.

“Y-Y/N I-“

“Save it Bakugou. You want me to leave so bad? Then I’ll go.” With that, you slammed the destroyed flowers into his chest and ran to the bedroom to change and pack a small bag with Bakugou following your trail.

“Y/N! No, wait!” He shouted and chased after you. Before he could grab hold of you, you made it into the room and slammed the door in his face before locking it. “Baby! C’mon, open the door! I’m sorry!”

“Leave me alone!” You said as you changed.

“No! Baby, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I forgot your birthday, I’m sorry I accused you of cheating, I’m sorry I ruined your special day. Please just let me in to fix this!” He begged. You finally opened the door with an angry look. “Baby! Thank go-“

“You can’t fix this, Bakugou!” You said with tears poking at the ends of your eyes. His heart began to ache when he noticed them and the bag you carried. Not only that but ever since you started calling him Bakugou again, he felt weak.

“Baby..it’s Katsuki.” He said trying to reach out for you but you snatched your hand away.

“Don’t call me that and as of right now, no it’s not!” You tried to walk away but Bakugou grabbed onto your waist to stop you.

“Y/N, stop, please. Look, you don’t have to go, just stay here and we can talk about this. Please we don’t even have to talk, just stay here. I’ll sleep in the guest room just don’t go, please.” He pleaded with soft tears. You bit your lip before calming down and speaking to him.

“Katsuki, I can’t be around you right now.” You said with a broken voice. “I just need some space…please.”

Katsuki still refused to let you go and so you stood there for what felt like forever. Eventually, you felt his hold weaken and so you pulled his arms off before walking away. Bakugou quietly followed you to the exit and before you left, Bakugou grabbed your wrist.

“I’m sorry. Please..let me fix this.” He said with tears running down his eyes. You froze before going in to make a move. You sighed and placed your hands on his face and wiped away his tears with your thumb. Bakugou took the opportunity to hold you in his arms once more as he leaned in to your touch. You pulled his face in and pecked his cheek before placing your hand on the knob once more.

“We’ll talk when I get back.” You softly said. You didn’t bother to see his response before you shut the door and got in your car to drive away.

Talk about a birthday bummer.

A/N: UGH, HORRIBLE ENDING

Tag list: @sxcker4you @aomi04 @tessabrown101