I'm never moving on from The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue
The angst. The yearning. Incredible.
Adeline LaRue was a young girl from a small town dreaming of a world bigger than what she sees. Then, out of desperation, she made a deal with the devil.
Or is he the devil?
“I am not some genie, bound to your whim." He pushes off the tree. "Nor am I some petty forest spirit, content with granting favors for mortal trinkets. I am stronger than your god and older than your devil. I am the darkness between stars, and the roots beneath the earth. I am promise, and potential, and when it comes to playing games, I divine the rules, I set the pieces, and I choose when to play. And tonight, I say no.”
And so her wish of freedom was granted... with a price. She has all the time in the world to enjoy life and to not be bound by anything. Being unbound, then, means no one would remember her. Such is the price when you make a deal with the gods that answer after dark but you do not know what you want and you do not clear up your own conditions, rules, and limitations.
Spoilers past this line.
Addie named Luc, and by doing so, she humanized him.
I CANNOT MOVE ON from their dynamic. For years, decades, centuries, no one can remember her. No one can mention her name, not even Addie herself. Only Luc who has been taunting her, pushing her to give up her life.
Now, let me clear this up: I DO acknowledge that the power dynamics between them play a huge role in their relationship. Her craving love and attention stemmed from the fact that no one else can know her deeply enough to create a legitimate human connection, affection, and relationship. Thus, her growing feelings for Luc became inevitable. Luc had full control over her and her life, while all she wanted was freedom to live. With this, let me expressly say that I fully understand and support Addie's scheme in the end (...but I cannot deny that I'm rooting for Luc once and for all admitting defeat, and Addie and Luc having a healthy relationship 😭).
OKAY. So. WHEN THEY STARTED FLIRTING??? I KEPT WANTING TO THROW THE BOOK TO THE WALL!!! Like, DAMN!!! WHY CAN'T Y'ALL JUST BE TOGETHER???? Luc's rizz is undeniable as fuck. And Addie's stubbornness mixes well with his smoothness, thereby successfully intoxicating me.
Luc lifts his glass. "Happy anniversary, my Adeline."
She looks at him, lips parting with their usual retort, but then stops short. If she is his—then by now he must be hers as well.
"Happy anniversary, my Luc," she answers, just to see the face he'll make.
She is rewarded with a raised brow, the crooked upturn of his mouth, the green of his eyes shifting in surprise.
Now, I know that when she was with Henry, they were really healthy. Sure, even Addie does not know if it was love or if it was all just because he was the first human to ever see her as she is. I thought they would be together and overcome Luc's deals. But no.
Even then, Luc can really sweep you off your feet. One thing I hate is how they blame Luc for everything. He is the darkness. In our current world, he is what we call the devil. Of course he is an opportunist. Of course he would always take the upper hand. The bad side of their deal came up because they would not look into the intricacies of the deals they are making. I also acknowledge that Luc always comes in times when one would not really be in the right mind to make a serious deal... so there's that.
BUT. The angst really comes in to take over you. It was chapters in the making. It's a slow burn you wouldn't notice
"You told me once that we were alike," he says, almost to himself. "Both of us... lonely. I loathed you for saying it. But I suppose in some ways you were right. I suppose," he goes on slowly, "there is something to the idea of company."
It is the closest he has ever come to sounding human.
"Do you miss me," she asks, "when you are not here?"
Those green eyes drift up, the emerald even in the dark. "I am here, with you, more often than you think."
"Of course," she says, "you come and go whenever you want. I have no choice but to wait."
His eyes darken with pleasure. "Do you wait for me?"
And now it is Addie who looks away. "You said it yourself. We all crave company."
"And if you could call on me, as I call on you?"
Her heart quickens a little.
She does not look up, and that is why she sees it, rolling toward her on the table. A slim band, carved of pale ash wood.
It is a ring.
It is her ring.
...
"Put it on, and I will come." Luc leans back in his chair, the night breeze blowing through those raven curls. "There," he says, "Now we are even."
The way my stomach erupted with butterflies! The slow confession. The subtle dropping of hints of their feelings here and there. Everything keeps you on your toes. "Will they or will they not? Is there something or not?"
"At least he keeps me company."
Those emerald eyes trail over her skin. "So would I," he says, "if you wanted it."
And so I was kept thinking. Will Luc ever confess? Will Addie ever... agree to it? Accept it? Forgive him?
What's been keeping them apart is the fact that Addie sees Luc as the devil. As the one who made her life miserable. Which is true, to be fair. So I won't ever blame her. Trauma is there and they are bonding.
Like I said, I understand Addie and I understand that there's power play here. Her walls are up, she keeps her guards up, she's hostile towards him, and she's very suspicious because he does not play fair. He never did. But then he started to open up. He started equalizing their position and power.
From what I understand, throughout time, Addie became less and less human, and she learned to hate more and more because the only one who became constant in her life is Luc. On the other hand, Luc became more and more human, and he learned to love and understand more and more because (probably) the only person he has ever spent time with constantly is Addie.
THEN.
"Even if everyone you met remembered," Luc says, "I would still know you best."
She searches his face. "Do I know you?"
He bows his head over hers. "You are the only one who does."
...
His voice, molded to the hollow places in her as he says, "I want you." And then, again, "I have always wanted you."
Luc looks down at her, those green eyes dark with pleasure, and Addie fights to hold her ground.
"You want me as a prize," she says. "You want me as a meal, or a glass of wine. Just another thing to be consumed."
He dips his head, presses his lips to her collarbone. "Is that so wrong?"
She fights back a shiver as he kisses her throat. "Is it such a bad thing..." His mouth trails along her jaw. "...to be savored?" His breath brushes her ear. "To be relished?"
I SCREAMED. Internally. BUT IF I WAS LIVING ALONE, I SWEAR TO GOD. If I didn't care about the book and if it wasn't so expensive (fuck inflation), I WOULD'VE THROWN THIS TO THE WALL SCREAMING.
Anyway, Addie's stronger than me because I would've fallen for him and his tactics over and over again...
"I love you."
They are in New Orleans when he says it, dining in a hidden bar in the French Quarter, one of his many installations.
Addie shakes her head, amazed the words do not turn to ash in his mouth. "Do not pretend that this is love."
Annoyance flashes across Luc's face. "What is love, then? Tell me. Tell me your heart does not flutter when you hear my voice. That it doesn't ache when you hear your name in my lips."
"It is my own name I ache for, not your lips."
The edge of his mouth curls up, his eyes now emerald. A brightness born of pleasure. "Once, perhaps," he says. "But now it's more."
She is afraid that he is right.
I TOLD YOU????? BUT. Does that mean... that is how Luc feels when Addie says his name... when he hears Addie's voice...?
BUT. It also means Addie already feels something. Again, it might be because he's the only constant thing in her life. He's the only one who remembers and that's because he made it that way. But, he did offer to change the terms... Only that there was a misunderstanding because of everything that has happened and how she understands he, and his actions, works.
In the end, Addie's suspicions are justified. Sad for Luc, yes, but Addie has been suffering and it's because of him. If he can change—if he's willing to change—and he grants Addie's freedom with no consequences, no strings attached, and Addie gets to choose her own life in her own terms and who she wants to be with, then maybe when she chooses Luc, it can be healthy...
"I will give you what you want," he says. "If you will do one thing."
"What?" she asks.
Luc holds out his hand.
"Dance with me," he says.
This part was very sad for me. It was clear that Luc has real feelings for her, yet Addie can no longer trust. Damage has been done. Their lines intersected, and from here, they'll only grow apart... Not physically, but emotionally.
But I think it's fitting. Luc is not human, though he is growing more human. Addie is human, but she is becoming more scheming... less human. They really cannot be together because Luc will always hold power and Luc is (or was?) manipulative. And Addie cannot find it in her to trust him again. Though Luc might change, to Addie, he is only the devil. And that is justified (though sad).
"What a hard lesson it must be for you," she says. "That you can't have everything you want."
"Want?" he sneers. "Want is for children. If this were want, I would be rid of you by now. I would have forgotten you centuries ago," he says, a bitter loathing in his voice. "This is need. And need is painful but patient. Do you hear me, Adeline? I need you. As you need me. I love you, as you love me."
She hears the pain in his voice.
Before we continue, may I just say one thing. LUC ALWAYS CALLS HER "ADELINE". Not "Addie" but "Adeline". And I think that means something.
Addie has always wanted to be "Addie", the name Estelle gave her. Since before, she did not want to be "Adeline". But, as she lived her immortal life, she kept wanting to go back to her old life. She yearned to be remembered again, even if it meant being tied down... But then she kept remembering she never wanted to be married and to just stay there forever. So even if she kept yearning for her life as "Adeline", she would still always want to be "Addie".
And Luc... calls her "Adeline". Easy explanation: Luc always says that she's always been his. That's because she traded her soul for freedom. This means she is really his, her whole being and life, whether as "Adeline" or "Addie"; but her birth name is "Adeline", and so her real, purest, and barest being is "Adeline". "Addie" came from "Adeline", whether it's just her name or her being.
But in my head: Being "Adeline" is being home, and Luc offered her just that :))
Another interpretation in my head (sad): Luc only sees her and/ or he keeps her as her former self, when Addie wants to be "Addie" aka free. He keeps her as "Adeline", the person who was desperate and in need, when she wants and needs to be "Addie", a person who is free. Thus, Luc is the shackles that hold her back from being free; they had a deal and she is still bound to him. As long as she is kept within a deal, she can never be free. Addie has to be free from Luc to be truly free.
"They can have the story," he says. "So long as I have you."
The ending. Henry did not have a happy ending with Addie because Addie is now with Luc. Yet, in the book's ending, Addie is scheming to make Luc hate her so that he would (unintentionally?) set her free, based on the new deal they had.
Should her plan work, then it will be true to her character: stubborn as a rock, and only wanting freedom. By extension, it highlights her true freedom as no man will ever own her or have her; fitting as she wanted to escape marriage long ago.
However, let us remember that The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue, in the book, was written by Henry... and he never knew the true ending. Of what happened to Addie. Where she is. How she is now with Luc. How she and Luc treat each other. So we can also interpret that as Henry attempting to make a good and open ending for Addie :))
For me, I'll try to think and think about this because I'm clearly never moving on!! Maybe Luc can change and Addie can accept that. Maybe not. Maybe she will be free but Luc will still try to pursue her. Maybe after a long time, she can realize that he really has changed. Maybe they can be together. Maybe not because they have been toxic.
Who knows :))
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