#adventures in living

[friedesgreatscythe]

my therapist and i decided i'm going to move to sessions every other week, which obviously is a sign of progress on my part. we even ended this session early because i couldn't think of anything to discuss and analyze; the things i did bring up he nodded along with and agreed that i'd come to a healthy perspective about, and that i already knew i had to put those thoughts into practice. nothing i was saying were things he had to correct or offer suggestions against, and it's kinda weird to be told by your therapist that you leave them speechless.

i have all the tools in hand (well, in mind, since they're perspectives) to look after myself, gained from all the work he and i have done. i'm already committing myself to making goals and sticking to how to bring those goals into practice (however uncomfortable it makes me, but the discomfort is good because it means i'm working against bad habits that only held me back!!). i'm coming up with healthy counters to my negative, destructive thinking on my own and also acknowledging that i have to keep reminding myself of them so that they stick. i'm looking after myself! and sure i'll stumble along the way but i'm also smart enough to know to get back on track and know how to do it.

it's weird to assert these things because it requires confidence, and i don't have much confidence in myself, but i should! i'm incredibly smart and determined, but i'm not used to positive feedback, praise, or any acknowledgement of my hard work being worthy of praise at all. which means i should give myself a pat on the back! i do healthy, difficult things because i know they're the right thing to do, despite the absolute vacuum of encouragement and comfort i live in!! holy shit that's incredible, isn't it?

anyway this is just a long way to say i gotta put in more hustle if i want the plague book to get into 'polished draft i can show to friends' state by the ides of march lmao because i'm still in the "typing up the messy second draft so i can then tear it apart in rewrites" phase. but yknow, not only is my deadline helping me push towards finishing it, the promise i made to myself to commit to my dream because it's my dream, but also a way i can give back to @sapphire-weapon and have my dream help her too is nudging me along. and it's been so, so long since i last felt this way. i can't remember the last time i felt so hopeful and determined and relentlessly dedicated. i think the last time was when i was in college, tbh, which was a decade ago.

i went through some grueling, raw, horrific ten years to get to this place again, and i deserve not just to revel in it, but to use this newfound strength and focus to build a little sanctuary here.

[qiinamii]

we'll do fine.

[corvid-khaos]

fionna and cake but simon drops increasingly wild anecdotes about his life

[mebssann]

can't keep her warm, but they cling to each other anyway

[classycookiexo]

This is literally so iconic

[leminaus]

red and vee :)

[filthyguts]

ppl on twitter rlly liked these Kiras so u get them too

[mrawkweird]

This will be a very role play heavy household.

[time-woods]

a nighttime routine

[saltoru]

being a jujutsu sorcerer and a parent rarely ends well. sorcerers who have to fight for their lives everyday barely have any time and energy even for themselves. adding babies to the picture is hard to imagine.

but gojo was determined to balance his work and personal life when you entered his life, which is why he has a baby girl strapped to his chest as he holds up his hand and crosses his fingers, already to send a special grade curse into his domain.

"daddy~" his baby babbles, cheek squished against his purple uniform.

"yes, baby?" gojo smiles down at his baby and gently sweeps her hair out of her eyes. he pays little to no attention to the curse, who had already spread out their domain and is currently sending wave after wave of attacks, all of which gojo repels with a touch. "this is domain expansion," he gently explains to her, smirking at the curse who is obviously offended that he wasn't taking them seriously. "in a second, you're gonna see daddy's domain."

his baby blinks and shuffles around in the strap, whining a bit as she tries to get comfortable. for all she knows, it's too dark and hot and she misses mommy's smell.

before she knows it, the space around her begins to look like the night sky, and she can't see the curse anymore.

"this is my domain," her daddy says, but she misses seeing the sun. why is it nighttime all of the sudden?

"nooo" she whines as she kicks around. where's the ice cream he promised her earlier? and where is mommy? she doesn't want to go to sleep yet!

"not easily impressed, hm?" he laughs, protectively holding his baby's head against his chest as he closes up his domain after finishing off the curse.

"let's go get ice cream, yeah?" he ruffles her hair and holds up her hands, dancing them up in the air with a huge grin. the sunlight hits her face again and a smile quickly reappears. "you did so good today. did you learn a lot about jujutsu fights today? did'ja enjoy our little adventure together?"

"ice cweam" she smiles, doing a few happy kicks. and that's how the tradition of getting ice cream after missions started for the daddy-daughter pair.

[astearisms]

fionna and cake drawings before and after watching the episodes so far. it’s nostalgic and somehow cathartic and poignant and relatable and—it just started

[friedesgreatscythe]

ARR speedruns are getting me through late winter into early spring, as well as allowing me a chance to come up with different characters to give AU Eorzea adventures. I've perfected it from about 10 days in February, to three days in the Eren Jaeger run last month, to possibly 20 hours total in my current Twilight Princess!Zelda run. I'm taking a break now because I'm holding myself accountable to productive decisions lol But considering the rate I've been going I'm almost posi I can manage at most a 24 hour run time.

I've perfected little ways to make it go by as quick as possible: start on Dynamis (NA data center that gives a massive exp boost) and always have food handy for another bit of EXP boost (if an FC invites you and has an EXP boost as well, all the better, but you don't have to rely on this); use NPCs in dungeons and pull big mobs if you're DPS or healer (the tank is beefy and the healer can keep up with him, but i haven't tested out the combo of you tanking + NPC healer yet); sign up with every chocobokeep at aetherytes so you can pass between settlements without spending much gil; use the airship service liberally to also save gil; if you go archer/bard, always use peleton to make sprinting faster; skip cutscenes (which i only condone here bc i've played the game before) and make the language Japanese and the text 9+ speed for the ones you can't skip. For the grand companies, the Immortal Flames or Twin Adders are the better choices since their headquarters are so close to major aetherytes (and will load in faster as opposed to Limsa, where everyone is all the damn time).

Using all this, I started the conjurer/white mage Zelda cosplay run yesterday at 12:30PM and got her to level 50 and unlocked Brayflox by 2AM. I did have to take a break for dinner, so that added about a half hour to the run time, and I did do two side dungeons for another boost of EXP, so that added to the time as well. I don't have gear good enough to solo dungeons at this point, but I can turn in the silver chocobo feathers I have to get some relic gear to help with iLvl and stat increase.

You may be asking yourself, "Krist, why are you doing all this?" And the answer is simply: so Twilight Princess!Zelda can get the Torgal mount and fit my own personal satisfaction of having a lore appropriate mount from her game lmao Also to keep seeing how fast I can get through ARR at this point.

The FFXVI crossover event lasts til May goddamn 8th. I have over a month to do it, but I have an awful sense of FOMO and an insatiable need to put pressure on myself to succeed, so this is how I've tried to come to terms with that. Even though I'm never satisfied with what I do. Even with all these accomplishments, I went to bed last night thinking, "What a waste of time, you're such a loser." And hey, that could be true, but as long as I'm applying myself to things that will actually help me in real life, I don't see the problem.

Which is why I'm spending the day typing up my rewrites draft notebook so I have that to work on in the oncoming draft.

Accountability. Productivity. Accomplishments. I'm capable of all of these, and now I just need to make sure I keep doing them, and that I include myself in these efforts. Looking after my mom and now my stepdad after his sciatica flare up has made me more aware of how easily and readily I'll set aside what I want and need to do for someone else. Reassuring my sister that I'm available to help whenever she needs it makes me aware of how quickly I'll reach out to someone else, but never think to offer that same support to myself.

My goal for the year is to finish this draft--polished, finished, ready for beta readers--by Thanksgiving at the latest. I know I can do it. I know I need to focus, to reach out to other writer friends who are on their indie pub journeys, or keep track of their progress and how they're handling themselves. I need to be more supportive to myself. I need to celebrate how determined I am, even through the hardship and discomfort of having no financial independence (and the BPD impulsivity of overspending when I do have money, combined with the PTSD sense of foreshortened future. Why save money when I can't imagine a need to support myself because I can't imagine wanting to live [which is different from wanting to die, it's simply a total apathy to the concept of existing and wanting to do so]).

I just... need to be better to myself. I need to jump to my own needs the way I do for others. I need to reassure myself the way I do for others. I need to set goals in the immediate and long-term future and meet them, and be proud of meeting them. I need to start looking at my life and what I'm doing in it as things that are good, and useful, and valuable, and necessary, and wonderful, because no one and nothing else is going to give me the life I'm desperate for. I don't get a second chance at this. It's not something I can start over. I'm alive now, whether I like it or not, and I have to keep dedicating myself to things that make me like it.

Even typing that out makes me scowl or cringe away from the very idea. But why? Why don't I want to make myself happy? Why don't I want to make my life better--to make my life my life, how I want it? Why can't I just... be a healthy person? Why can't I like myself--not even love, just like? Why am I repulsed by the very idea of taking care of myself? What happened to make me this way, and how can I fix it?

[lilybug-02]

Ghost is a ghost?! Uhhh..kinda?

Bug Fact: The Antarctic Midge (Belgica Antarctica) is the only native insect to Antarctica! It stays there year round. Pictures Below

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Masterpost

This guy is one tough cookie!

There are a total of 3 species of insects that make the antarctic home. It's insane that any insect is even able to do this!

[ciderjacks]

thinking again about how much trust he had to have in Laios to recommend his own daughter in case he dies

[wolfies-toys]

I found this weird droopy snouted little kangaroo at a secondhand shop a little while ago, they were a bit dirty so i gave them a bath

[fonmythenmetz]

The most powerful force user to ever live (smol)