#affectionate and to develop emotional investment into people and shit like that

[burying-brightness]

.

[yandere--stuck]

Ok,,hear me out,,poly yanderes Pim and Charlie,, maybe they met you on a job as the person who needed help and Pim can't believe someone as lovely as you was so sad!! Dude because absolutely obsessed with making sure your happy and taken care off. Charlie feels like he'd be a more reluctant yandere at first, and after he falls for the darling he'd still be pretty chill. (I haven't watched the show in full, so I apologize if this isn't in character ^^)

DNFNDDNDNDJ Anon aaaaaaaaa I loved this ask so much, I HAD to write for it aaaaa

It's not exactly the same, but I hope you like it! c:

---

Pim was crazy. He was crazy, he was crazy, he was crazy.

Okay, well, maybe crazy wasn't the best word. He was… Eccentric. He was quick to develop strong feelings for others, was incredibly affectionate, highly empathetic, and held a certain naivety for the world around him, despite his age. In fact, Charlie thought Pim was a great balance for him. Charlie didn't think himself a cynic, (more of a realist, really,) but Pim's almost constant optimism was a great pick-me-up, and besides that, he was a great friend and person. A perfect fit for the job of making people happy. Though, the guy couldn't help becoming a bit too invested in a client and their feelings. Pim could see a client's distress and become upset, himself. Charlie, however, took a more realistic, less emotional approach. Sure, it sucked when they couldn't make someone's day better, but hey, no one's perfect. For Pim, a frowning client meant a personal failure. For Charlie… Well, he tried his best, and the moment he went off the clock, he really didn't want to worry about work anymore. His Ma always said he'd be a good therapist, able to separate himself from certain people and situations so as to not dwell on them too much. That's what made the two of them such a great team.

The point was that Pim had his share of eccentricities, as did Charlie, and the yellow critter was well aware of that and accepted his friend for who he was. What Charlie did not accept was Pim projecting his shit onto him! 

The critter groaned softly as he sank onto his bed, rubbing the bridge of his snout. Freaking Pim…

Digging out his phone, Charlie squinted up at the screen as he scrolled through his friend's recent messages. A bunch of nonsense about how badly they needed you, how you deserved to be taken care of, that he knows Charlie feels the same, that they need to-

Charlie made a face, swiping away from the messages. Ugh, he didn't want to deal with this right now. He grumbled to himself as he set his alarm, placing his phone facedown on the nightstand beside him before settling in for the night. Turning over to face the wall, Charlie let his eyes fall shut as his mind began to wander. 

God, Pim had been acting so weird. Whatever the hell had come over him, Charlie prayed that it would pass. It wasn't exactly out of the ordinary for Pim to develop a crush on someone, what with the whole Shrimp and Jennifer thing, but a crush was one thing. Obsessive infatuation was on a whole different level. Charlie gritted his teeth. Ugh, whatever. Whatever! Pim could be a weirdo if he wanted, but he didn't have to drag him into it. Charlie didn't need you...

Well. Okay, maybe a little. But, you know, that's normal! Friends needed each other. They thought about each other all the time, craved each other's companionship. And hell, the three of you had hit it off so well when he and Pim first met you as their client. In fact, it was the most fun Charlie had had on a job in a long while. It was a blast hanging out with you - getting you out of the house, seeing the sights around the city, going to Daveland, shooting the shit and making each other laugh. And your smile… He loved your smile. It made his chest feel so warm and light. And, God, were there butterflies in his stomach?

… What was he saying? Oh, right. Despite making you happy in the moment, it was clear that your unhappiness hadn't stemmed from a particularly bad day, but an ongoing mental health issue - which he and Pim wanted to help with! But, they weren't exactly mental health professionals. So, Pim had set up an appointment to get you a psychiatrist (and offered to come with, in case you were especially nervous), and Charlie had recommended a few therapists in the area. Besides that, he and Pim made sure to text you often, and hang out at yours or one of their places, or around the city. You were always incredibly grateful, even stating that you didn't deserve it, but the two smiling friends were quick to dissuade those thoughts. Your friendship and knowing that they were helping someone out was gift enough.

And everything was great and fine and chill, until Pim started acting off. Like, really off. Pim never half-assed jobs! But now, all he seemed to be able to think about was getting the job done so he could get back to you. And, well… Okay, maybe that was a bit hypocritical. Charlie, on occasion, would tune out of whatever they were doing to think about you or text you or… But, hey, that was usual for him, right? Charlie usually took a backseat with clients, emotionally speaking. He wasn't usually too invested. He wasn't the one acting weird here, Pim was. Unlike his friend, Charlie hadn't changed his behavior at all, and he couldn't believe his best friend would try to convince him otherwise. Just because he daydreamt about you or constantly had you on his mind or made sure to text you consistently and got nervous if you didn't respond right away or went out of his way to go to places he knew you'd be or walked by your home before going to his own every night to make sure you were safe, it-... That. That didn't mean anything. It didn't.

He… This was so stupid. He didn't want to think about this anymore. He just wanted to go to sleep. He'd go to sleep and never, ever think about this again for forever. Or until the morning. Whichever came first. 

Just. Sleep. Just go to sleep. All he had to do was sleep. Come on. The critter let out a frustrated growl as he clenched his eyes shut, closed eyes boring deeply into the darkness that made up his vision. He focused so intensely that colors began to pop up within the blackness, swirling in asymmetrical patterns across his vision. 

Charlie sighed deeply, body shuddering as he did. Freaking Pim, this was all his fault. Making him paranoid about you. Was this his plan or something? To try to reverse-psychology his way into convincing Charlie to not go for you-

Wait, no. No. Where did that thought come from? He… Charlie didn't like you like that.

… Or did he?

And when Pim sent those messages, it made it sound like… Like he wanted the both of them to share you, take care of you, to make you happy. Butterflies fluttered in Charlie's stomach again, and underneath his fur, his face burned.

God, what a mess. He was too tired for this. Too tired to deal with this and having to get up early in the morning. He just wanted to sleep, but you and Pim haunted his thoughts.

Charlie let his whole body go loose. Fine. Maybe… Maybe Pim was right. His brain could think up whatever weird bullshit it wanted, just let him sleep and he'll deal with the ramifications in the morning. He didn't care.

He imagined… You. Lying prone on under his covers, Charlie felt his fingers twitch, itching to reach out and touch you. So, in his mind, he did. He was a big guy, and despite not being particularly affectionate, he'd been told he gives great hugs. Would you think so, too? Did you imagine what it would be like in his hold? His body so close it was like you were melding together, the shapes of your body fitting together perfectly. 

And you'd be… Maybe on a picnic? Or having fun at Daveland? Some sort of fancy restaurant that he couldn't actually afford? Nah, Charlie didn't really need anything fancy to be with the person he loved. The… The people he loved. You and he and Pim, chilling at his place. It'd be late at night. He'd put a movie in that you'd already seen before like a million times, but you still loved watching it. You in his lap, using him as a pillow as you laid back, and Pim able to sit in your lap thanks to his small stature.

You'd eat comfort food and snacks together, repeating the lines you'd memorized by heart and cracking jokes and making each other laugh. You might not even make it through the entire movie. Charlie figured he wouldn't. He'd feel… So warm. So nice and warm and safe and… Complete. Holding the two of you, the two people he loved most in the world, falling asleep with the feel of you and Pim close to his heart.

And then Charlie shot up, morning light flitting in through slightly parted curtains as he alarmed blared loudly next to him. Turning, he fumbled with his phone before finally dismissing the alarm and plunging the room back into silence.

God, morning already?

Charlie groaned, rubbing the sleepiness from his face with both of his hands, fingers brushing against his snout. Sighing heavily, Charlie squinted down at his phone, eyes burning at the sudden light. He managed to open his messages - two recent ones. A good morning text from you, and one from Pim. The critter's heart fluttered, from affection and anxiety.

Charlie bit his lip, before shaking his head and begrudgingly getting out of bed, away from the warmth and comfort of the blankets and his fantasies.

Mornin', Charlie! I hope you thought over what I said yesterday. I'll see you later!

Pim… Pim had been right. He did need you. He wanted to be with you. He wanted to take care of you. They both did.

But, that didn't mean Pim wasn't crazy. It just meant they both were.

[demonlandline]

“I wanna know what people assume about me because of my tumblr.”

HA! Ok I’ll do this off anon bc I’m feeling 2022 brave over here:

- Generalization: I’ve literally never met an Australian friend or acquaintance who wasn’t awesome. I have indeed heard that there’s lots of conservatives in the country but every friend I’ve made or person I’ve met from the country is not only incredibly nice and SUPER fun, but really witty and with the best sense of humor. So you’ve definitely just bolstered that assumption/impression with your posts and tags. (There was one about lightbulbs and elephants, I think, that fucking made my week).

- Specification: talented like WOAH. and honestly so impressive to have such a defined and polished style at such a young age. I get the feeling that while your art has probably/will probably evolve, you give so much to it that you will always take your style to a similar state of being really developed and expressive. The breadth of media that you employ (visual art, writing, music, fashion, anything else I have failed to acknowledge) is incredible. People in fandom who give such incredible and selfless gifts to all of us who devour them…y’all are the best. Someone who gives so so much of themself in those gifts- such as you- deserve acknowledgment and specific gratitude.

Wishing nothing but the best for you in the year to come. 🖤

Oh my god hello!! We love a bit of 2022 bravery here

first up, in my experience most Aussies are pretty cool, we've definitely got our shit too. But the city I live in is in large part beautifully queer and creative and I've found a lovely little safe bubble here.

And yeah we are all hilarious it's true, it's true. I can't believe my elephant figurine power source metaphor post resonated with someone that much lmao

second up, OMG THANKYOU!! I can't tell if you're assuming I'm younger than I am or if 27 is still a young age in this context lmao. A lot of people think I'm younger than I am, like I recently had someone check I'm over 16, despite all my visible tattoos. It's the transmasc experience of looking like a teenage boy forever.

Anyway, I feel like my art style has really clicked into place recently. Being able to pour a lot of my emotional state into my art is a relatively new thing, and I'm so grateful to have that outlet. Not sure how I'd cope without that means of exorcising some of my demons. Guess I'd have to resort to blood rituals and Latin or something?

This message made me very emotional and I really really appreciate you taking the time to be earnest and thoughtful. Messages like these, and all the comments in reblogs and the encouragement I get from people just as overly invested in fictional worlds and characters as I am is what keeps me making art here. So you can all claim some credit too.

Sending you so so much of the affectionate gesture of your choice and wishing you all the good things for the year ahead <3 <3 <3

Make an assumption about me

[autisticcassandracain]

I don't follow you yet but I saw you reblogged the ask me anything post. Top 5 first Batfam members, then DC chars?

Asdghjk don't worry you don't have to follow me, I appreciate the ask either way!

Top 5 Batfam Members:

Cassandra Cain: I adore Cass with my whole heart. I think her introduction is one of the strongest character introductions I have ever read, and her Batgirl solo was by and large amazing. In particular, I love how it developed her perfectionist complex and low self worth, and how it showcased her sense of humor. Her character is complex and compelling and I love her.

Damian Wayne: Little shit (affectionate). It's a shame he almost never gets written well, because he might've had a serious chance at dethroning Cass. As it stands, I love him when he's written well, and can often enjoy him even when he isn't. His character arc of coming to question his upbringing and actively working to redeem himself and learn compassion is extremely compelling, and I adore the fact that he's a loudmouth arrogant little brat. Half of R:SOB lives in my head rent free. Actually tied with Duke but for the sake of this list he's two and Duke's three.

Duke Thomas: he has SO MUCH potential!! Bc he's a newer character his characterization has been pretty consistent with no major duds imo, which is nice for a change, but more importantly than that, he feels unique and compelling. I DESPERATELY hope DC starts actually exploring the concept of a daytime vigilante in Gotham and Duke's light powers, because both have SO MUCH potential. I really love his daredevil tendencies, natural smarts, and connection to the concepts of Gotham vigilantes and villains (long explenation necessary and im on mobile) as well!

Stephanie Brown: every day I kick myself for not getting off my ass and reading through the reading lists I have saved for her. I've liked her in everything I've read, from her more cynical Spoiler to her hopeful Batgirl, and I enjoy her backstory and personality a lot. She deserved better than to get fucked over by everything and everyone including the writers.

Dick Grayson: I tend to like Dick when I read him, though I admit to enjoying him the most when he's written as a flawed character with a tendency to push people away and lash out in times of stress than the emotional support batfam member. I like his style of heroing (when written as both flippity and sociable but calculating and hypercompetent), and think his sense of humor is fun. that said it's hard for me to get truly invested in him because, like most characters who've been around for very long, his characterization is highly dependent on the writer, and his history so vast it's nearly impossible to get through.

Top 5 DC Characters in general:

Koriand'r: Listen. She's the actual love of my lide. I ADORE her. The simple concept of 'alien from a planet that doesn't censor emotions' done beautifully, resulting in a truly unique character whose love and hate are deep and intrinsically intertwined. I love her stubborn love of life even in the face of all the horrible things she's experienced just as much as I love the hatred born out of them. Queen of my heart.

Cassandra Cain/Damian Wayne/Duke Thomas: tying them to cheat this list a little, but Cass is #2 and Damuan/Duke a shared #3, for reasons listed above.

Bette Kane: I just think she's Neat! I have a soft spot for both minor character and female characters fucked over by writers, and Bette hits both. I think the fact that she's an attention-seeking B-list hero mostly in it for the fun is a fantastic breath of fresh air, and I really appreciate it especially when she's also written as confident, competent, snarky, smart, kinda manipulative, and loyal to her friends.

Jaime Reyes: His 06 solo and particularly the Reach arc is a masterpiece. Admittedly, I haven't read terribly much of him outside that, but I adore the way it develops him and sets his character. He's such a staunchely heroic and kind individual, but is still vety much a teenager who gets angry, petty, and frustrated. His powers are cool as hell and his relationship to Khaji-Da stellar. I love how they had him learn strategy and rely on smarts, not because he's underpowered, but BECAUSE not all problems can be solved with power, especially not non-lethal power. Also the fact that his family knows his identity makes for brilliant and unique interactions and I hate all versions of him that remove it.

Diana of Themyscira: she has all the problems with popular characters that have been around for forever, and it does make it hard for me to feel like I truly know her or get invested with her, but I just ADORE her character as a concept, so I actually enjoy seeing different takes on her! I'm a greek mythology nerd and adore the world of Themyscira and Diana in general, her lasso of truth is a fantastically interesting weapon, and I think her base personality traits of very compassionate, truthful, yet a true warrior are very compelling.

[leistung]

FULL  NAME: armin arlert. MEANING: old German name taken from the latin arminus, meaning "hero" or a form of Herman, meaning "army man" other meanings include: "Universal, Whole" NICKNAME(S):  armie, hot flash. GENDER:   genderfluid trans male ETHNICITY:  eldian HEIGHT:  5'3 AGE:  22 ZODIAC:  scorpio

SPOKEN  LANGUAGES:  eldian, knows how to read the marleyan written variant. PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS: vibrant blonde hair, vibrant hazel eyes, some pretty expressive eyebrows tbh HAIR  COLOUR:  blonde/honeyed in the summer months EYE  COLOUR:  hazel SKIN  TONE:  general warm tones that remain no matter the season. doesn't really tan in the sun, mostly just burns before returning back. BODY  TYPE: at first, rather scrawny but after more time with the scouts armin develops toned muscle. nothing over the top, but there is definitely a very obvious visible difference. VOICE:  steady, usually a very calming voice. armin speaks fast when he gets heated/passionate/invested in a subject and his voice grows louder in such instances too. can switch to a pretty harsh and commanding, cold tone when needed. DOMINANT  HAND:  right POSTURE:  very good posture, not only from his time with the scouts but even before that. his grandfather always got on him about it and given armin's height, he's always kept it up as an attempt to appear taller where possible. SCARS:  armin's body was made up of a lot of scars from training in early life but even before that, he had a fair amount from the times he'd get picked on as kid. in particular was a scar by his left eyebrow-- this faded after inheriting his titan. armin also has top surgery scars though they are now significantly faded and by the end of series aren't visible at all. TATTOOS:  n/a until post-series when he gets an ocean wave tattoo much like this one as a nod to his and eren's friendship. the tattoo is located on his inner right arm. MOST  NOTICEABLE  FEATURE(S): tragically, his height, he knows this. but also his hair is a very distinct feature even after multiple different haircuts/styles.

CHILDHOOD PLACE  OF  BIRTH: shiganshina district within wall maria HOMETOWN:  shiganshina district MANNER  OF  BIRTH:  natural birth, one month before due date FIRST  WORDS:  papa SIBLINGS: n/a PARENTS:  nadina & cariel arlert. deceased. PARENT  INVOLVEMENT:  armin's parents were very loving and happy to have a child, but their love and wonder, their curiosity for the outside world meant their priorities were never entirely fixed with raising their child. even while his parents were still around, armin's grandfather put more time into raising him than they ever did. he loved his parents and grew up with the same wide eyed wonder about the outside world, but he also held a bitterness toward them, especially learning the truth of their deaths and that they left him behind without a second thought. armin's grandfather was always heavily involved with his upbringing and armin credits him for raising him with respect for others but a passion to get what he wants. his grandfather was always the one to help armin pick his name and was incredibly supportive of him living his truth.

ADULT LIFE OCCUPATION: 15th commander of the survey corps & then peace talks diplomat CURRENT RESIDENCE: post series there is a lot of moving about, never truly settling in those three years CLOSE  FRIENDS: eren jaeger & mikasa ackerman were always armin's closest and longest friends. RELATIONSHIP  STATUS: single FINANCIAL  STATUS:  grew up often dipping between rough stability and poor and struggling DRIVER’S  LICENSE:   yes, got it post series CRIMINAL  RECORD:  wiped clean, ish. however he commit obviously, a lot of war-related crimes, murder etc.

VICES: armin uses drugs like cannabis fairly often, sometimes smokes, drinks a bit but it's all mostly done in privacy. SEX / ROMANCE:  armin craves intimacy with others through both romantic actions and through sexual. he's obviously grown up surrounded by war and it's never exactly been a high priority thing, but it is something he craves intensely. he's a kind romancer, putting thought into any acts to ensure things are always deeply personal and meaningful. SEXUAL  ORIENTATION:  bisexual ROMANTIC  ORIENTATION: biromantic // as an addition to these, armin is also polyam PREFERRED  EMOTIONAL  ROLE:  tends to lean to more 'dominant' in a way, particularly in later life, taking on a more care giving, listening kind of role. he likes to be emotionally supportive to his partner(s) and be their strength, even if he has a habit of ignoring his own needs in the process. PREFERRED  SEXUAL  ROLE:  and here it's much the same, armin tends to lean more heavily towards a dominant role. for much of his life, he felt out of control. even when in positions of power, there was a distinct feeling that the world around him was always one step away from crumbling. this has always been a very clear and easy way to feel in control. armin is very confident in it too, but he is never overly harsh, not unless it is an agreed upon thing with partner(s). he struggles to actually let go of this, the same as with the emotional role, but with the right person he'd be open to attempting letting those walls etc down. but generally, he likes and feels most comfortable here, like this. LOVE  LANGUAGE:  acts of service & physical touch are armin's key love languages. armin is an affectionate and considerate person. he pays attention to people, remembers a lot of small details about a person and uses those to express his feelings. physical touch is a heavy one though for him and it's deployed a lot. the acts of service tend to tie in with his dominant tendencies and will often have an overlap with that. LIBIDO: fairly high, but he's spent a lot of time pushing it down through life due to the whole a lot of other shit going on. but generally, he likes to have sex regularly especially since he has such intense attachments to the feelings related to it: the control, the connection with another person etc. RELATIONSHIP  TENDENCIES:  when armin is in a relationship, he is deeply committed. he will pour his soul into it, give everything to ensure it works and all parties are happy and cherished. he doesn't do anything by halves. while he can sometimes be distant just simply due to the fact he overworks himself, armin will still always try to be attentive and he's very good at communicating and likes to make sure everyone involved feels heard and seen.

MISC THEME  SONG:  the world is ugly by my chemical romance HOBBIES  TO  PASS  TIME:  reading is armin's main outlet, but he also enjoys painting MENTAL  ILLNESSES: armin has depression, ptsd & generalised anxiety disorder. PHYSICAL  ILLNESSES.  n/a, but does often experience chronic phantom pain. LEFT  OR  RIGHT  BRAINED:   more left brained PHOBIAS:  n/a, but can often be uncomfortable in prolonged silences so always tends to need some kind of background noise. SELF  CONFIDENCE  LEVEL:  armin struggled deeply with his confidence growing up and it had a direct impact on his performance in certain areas. years of bullying and of comparing himself to others meant that armin didn't always believe in his own potential. however, with more time and after having people actually listen to him and allow him the chance to speak and be heard, it began to grow. it was like a fire growing till eventually, it was unstoppable. armin knows his areas of strength and he has full confidence in it, rightfully so.

TAGGED BY:  @decimater TAGGING: 

[amazingorangedangantrash]

I'll have 1, 4, 18, 24, and 29 with kamuegi for the shipping meme ask please!

Ask anon, and thou shalt recieve!

1. Who makes the first move, and how?

Kamukura. Whilst he isn't the type to rush into things (he likes to think his actions through), he also isn't one to hesitate either. To him, Naegi would be one of few people who he finds... endearing. I think after spending some time together, Kamukura would realise he likes this person. The idea of having a 'friend' is weird enough as it is, so, hey, why not take it a step further? He's always looking for new stimulation, new experiences, and he isn't exactly going to get romance out of his teachers is he?

I imagine once Kamukura comes to the conclusion he wants to try dating Naegi, it's a blunt and quick confession. Jsjdjsshsj I imagine the two of them are just like chilling or eating lunch or something and Kamukura is just like, "Naegi, go out with me" and poor Naegi is just like "yeah oka- wait what-?"

And, well, Naegi likes Kamukura and hey, he's not going to say no to that but wow is this guy forward

4. Who can't keep their hands to themselves?

Once again, I'd have to say Kamukura. He's not pervy or anything like that, but at the same time if he's certain he wants to do something, he'll do it, without reservation.

(And if that something is pulling Naegi close to him and cuddling with him then so be it.)

Whilst I imagine he'd be a little shy about physical contact at first (not that he'd admit that to himself), once he gets the hang of it he adores it. I take him as the kind of guy who's actions speak louder then his words, so he'd convey his feelings with little, subtle displays of affection, like taking Naegi's hand into his, pulling him close, resting his head on his shoulder etc. (All completely straight-faced of course, but, uh- that's part of his charm.)

I also like to think Kamukura is quite possessive too (he won't admit it, but romance is completely foreign to him, and for the first time he's actually scared of getting it wrong-), so when he's around people he might feel threatened by or uncomfortable around (either fellow students in a pre-despair AU or future foundation members in a post-tragedy AU), he finds himself latching onto Naegi more. It's a mixture between sending the signal that Naegi is his, and also a desire to hold him close, out of a subconscious fear of him being taken away.

Naegi is physically affectionate too, but I actually think he'd be a little more shy about it in public- (he's happy to kiss Kamukura, but the other man always seems to want to make a show of it in front of their peers...) once they're alone, however, he reciprocates just as much. Moreso once he realises Kamukura's love language- they can spend hours with Kamukura's head in his lap, with Naegi running his fingers through his hair comfortingly.

18. When they fight, how do they make up?

Ooh good one! Hmm... I get the feeling that, especially at the start of their relationship, there'd be quite a few misunderstandings and conflicts. Kamukura isn't just new to romance, he's new to- well- being human. There's bound to be some uh... roadblocks in their relationship.

Kamukura is talented, as we know. But he's not so good at expressing himself- feelings are something foreign to him, a being made from numbers and statistics. Whilst he could try to bribe Naegi, with meaningless words or gifts, he knows that's not want Naegi wants. It's more important to him that they understand the root of the problem, and why they fought. If it was really a serious fight, he'll do something that doesn't come easy to him- try to sit with Naegi and talk it out. Kamukura is Logic, Naegi is Emotion- they complement each other, yes, but they also have trouble understanding each other too, so they try to work on their communication.

Each time, they learn a bit more about how the other ticks, and their relationship only grows stronger for it. (If it's not so much a serious fight, Kamukura will give gifts and use small gestures to convey his apology instead- he doesn't say sorry often, choosing to reserve it for the moments he feels he's truly Done Wrong).

Naegi will probably need space at first- and then he'll feel guilty about jumping to conclusions and leaving. Once he's had time to let the intial anger and upset simmer, and his head is clearer, he'll try to think about why what just happened did. Naegi is a person who's quick to forgive, so, regardless of who (if either) of them is in the wrong, he'll want to make up soon as possible. Depending on what the argument was about, he'll either give Kamukura a bit of time, letting the other think, or go back to find him straight away. Naegi is much more verbal in his apologies- they aren't any less genuine, it's just how he communicates. He'll apologise about how he reacted, and will promise to try and keep his cool next time. He wants this relationship to work, and wants them to sit and talk about it- if it's about something Kamukura is uncomfortable with, then he'll be okay with giving him time, and apologise for pushing. He'll sit with him, holding him tight, and will clear out his schedule the next day, so the two of them can spend time together uninterrupted.

24. Where do they first have sex?

Abdjsjdj you guys really like this question huh?

Once again, I imagine Kamukura (once he decides that, yes, Sex is a Thing He Wants To Try) is the first to initiate- the idea, anyway. I can't imagine any highschooler having anything sex-related as their ultimate talent (Ultimate Matchmaker, Ultimate Romantic at most), nothing explicit anyway, so whilst he'd know the common stuff, his general attitude towards it would be more or less the same as everything else.

Ahdhsj I can imagine him after some careful consideration, randomly coming out with, "Naegi, I want to have sex with you", and Naegi, dropping his spoon into his third bowl of cereal like-

"Wh- I- right now-?"

And, well, like, he isn't entirely against the idea, he'd be lying if he said he hadn't had... certain... ideas about his boyfriend and sure he's considered potential developments in their relationship, and Kamukura is coming really close now, and he's looking down at him with that really hot determined gaze he has whenever he's invested in something, like Naegi is just another one of his experiments for Kamukura to do so with as he pleases and shit that sounds really hot and they're kissing and-

"Waitwaitwait wait- let's talk about this first!"

And then they're seated on the couch- Naegi considerably redder then he was before, and Kamukura with a near unnoticeable pink tinge to his cheeks.

"Naegi, I don't believe this is how sex-"

"Yes I'm aware of that."

Anyway because Naegi is a Good Boy, and because I'd hate to disappoint my Year 10 sex ed teacher, they have a long, important talk about consent first- does Kamukura really want this? He's not doing it because it's what society expects right? Because, well, Naegi isn't adverse to sex, not all all, but he doesn't want Kamukura to feel pressured into anything, because, he remembers Kamukura told him before he wasn't really attracted to anyone- not like that? So, um, he doesn't have to go out of his way to try and please Naegi if it's not something he wants himself. Naegi is totally okay with not having a sexual relationship-!

And then Kamukura is taking his face into his hands and oh- he's kissing him, long and hard and deep and really it isn't quite fair that he can be this good at this kind of thing when he hasn't even had any experience so someone must be lying about their talent because there's no way he can be so perfect all by himself-

"Naegi."

Kamukura's gaze locks onto his own, and Naegi feels his breath hitch in his throat as he sees the pure desire in those burning ruby orbs, embers set alight.

"I want it."

(If anyone asks why the sofa seems to have been replaced from the last time they saw it, Naegi will cough slightly and look to the side, muttering something about a leak in the ceiling, and Kamukura will shrug, the tiniest, littlest of smirks dancing at the corners of his lips.)

29. Why do they fall a little bit more in love?

*incomprehensible sobbing noises* oh geez where do i even start-?

For Naegi, it's seeing this side to Kamukura he shows to no one else. And, sure, he'd love it if people were a little nicer, a bit more understanding, that, hey, he is human. But- yet- there's something special, about being the only one. The only one who sees what Kamukura looks like when he wakes, the slight furrow to his brow, the way his movements are just slightly slower then usual. He gets to see the little twitch of Kamukura's lips when he's amused, see the softening of his expression. Normally no one notices when Kamukura is nervous, but he does, he feels it in the way the other's grip tightens around his hand, how his gaze flutter ever-so-slightly to the side, eyes widening a fraction.

He remembers the first time he hears Kamukura laugh- laugh! Kamukura! Laughing! And it's such a strange sound, those silky smooth soft tones rising in pitch, sharp notes, unfamiliar and hesitant drifting into the air.

Makoto thinks it's the most beautiful sound he's ever heard.

Every time Kamukura shows Naegi another part to him, the part of him that's not 'the science project Ultimate Hope', but Izuru Kamukura, the human, Naegi falls a little bit more in love.

He wants to see it all- he wants to see Kamukura laugh, and cry, and blush, and shout, and smile, and sing, and even if he doesn't do any of these things, and keeps that blank face on forever, it's fine, because Naegi knows he's still the only one who gets to receive Kamukura's love, however he shows it, and he wouldnt have it any other way.

Kamukura loves what Naegi teaches him.

He can't do complex equations in the span of a second, or sculpt a masterpiece in minutes, or invent an experiment in hours or publish a book in a week.

But he does what no one had ever tried to teach Kamukura before, and it's- its-

It's how to live.

Naegi teaches him what it means to be human. To live his life, instead of pass through it numbly.

Naegi finds worth in everything, and, to someone like Kamukura who can't find the worth in anything, he's-

He is perfection.

He is perfect in his imperfection. Naegi bakes him a cake for his birthday (he wasn't even aware he had one. He was made, and that was it, no one had ever given him reason to think that worth celebration) and it was- imperfect.

It tilted to the left a little, the layers were uneven, the icing too inconsistent, the writing off-centre, and the taste too sweet.

He saved the candles and placed them in a box.

His birthday gift was handmade too- a chipped mug.

He drinks out of it every morning.

[reversecreek]

lily for magda (thinking about figs feeling evil), tulip for cricket, marigold for ziggy, chrysanthemum for bradley, belladonna for nyla

lily :   how does your muse view their mother ?  

magda doesn’t know a lot abt her mum. she knows vague snippets n details bt they’re all very elusive. it’s kind of a tricky subject where her mum’s concerned bc when she was younger she’d come up w all these assumptions abt how her mum was n who she’d be if she were with her but the rational part of magda was like..... u don’t know any of this. ur literally making things up. it’s kind of hard for a kid to have that vital person missing from their life n to resist the urge to fill in the blanks with their own projections so the space feels less empty. it’s like having a tooth missing n ur tongue always going back to poke at the spot in ur gum. there’s a constant reminder of loss in that. magda knows her mum liked to sing bc her dad said once she’d always sing to her belly when she was pregnant. this is a lot of the reason why magda has always cared so much abt music bc she took this fact in her fist n grasped it tight n never let go n in a way grew parts of herself around it. it’s like............. i feel like her mum dying in childbirth gave her lots of issues when it comes to her identity n like. who she is n who she wants to be.......... bc of magda’s issues w her dad i feel like she got into this habit growing up of rly putting who her mum could have been on a pedestal n basing everything around that.... she’d be like I’m More Like Her (a belief which was only accelerated bc her dad would drunkenly say she looked so much like her) n cling onto that so she liked herself more bc the other option was her dad who she loves but he’s also an incredibly flawed person n they hv a complicated relationship...... i think as she’s gotten older she’s realised her mum cld very well have been that way too n putting people on pedestals isn’t the way to go about things but. idk. as a kid she was kind of obsessed w this idea of her n this idea that her mum being gone was the beginning n end of everything wrong in her life. for the most part now magda accepts she never knew her n sometimes even feels stupid for grieving her at all bc she never knew her to grieve in the first place but. there’s a tiny part of magda tht still hangs on to the comfort of what she could have had n it’s obvious by the fact she still keeps a photograph of her folded up in her pillow. she loves the mum she made up in her head n she wishes she got to meet her. there’s this sense tht maybe then she wouldn’t feel like this culmination of missing parts more than a person if she’d had that in her life. sighs n lks away holding my dyed black emo bang.....

tulip :   how does your muse view people in general ?  

cricket is like. the strangest little anomaly of a person FGHKSFGHSFKGH bc like. u would rly think that after everything he’s been thru he would just have this absolutely jaded view of people and life in general and i wouldn’t even......... blame him for it if he did like. i’d understand completely bc he’s experienced A Lot of bad stuff. n yet somehow he just.... idk. i think i wrote in a reply once this comparison of cricket n a cockroach in the sense that they have this incredibly reinforced exoskeleton n even if they’re stomped flat they can keep living n bounce back from it n that’s very him but it’s more specifically the hope inside him. he has this little candle lit that good things can still happen midst all of the terrible things n i genuinely can’t see it snuffing out at any point even tho sometimes he might want it to. sometimes i think he even gets into these frames of mind where it jst infuriates the fk out of him bc in his head he’s like why do u even think good shit can happen when u have sm overwhelming evidence to the contrary but then he’s also like. look u can dwell on the bad or u can notice the way the light falls thru the leaves in the trees and u can think to urself inside ur head as u listen to someone u love talking abt something that makes them happy ‘hey this feeling is nice n there’s a dozen others like it’. idk. against all odds he’s an optimist. he has tinnitus in his left ear n sometimes he pretends the ringing is angels trying to talk to him. he likes to search for the silver linings in things to make them bearable n that’s how he gets by. obviously he knows there’s evil in the world n that a lot of people can be shit bc he has firsthand experience w that but he also believes there are people to serve as the antithesis to that n he wants to focus on them bc like. why give bad stuff the time of day. not necessarily always a positive coping mechanism (if u bottle up bad feelings n thoughts they leak thru one way or another aka his overwhelming anxiety) but like.... i think there’s a lot of bravery in that n i respect him for it i won’t lie. he cld have become very bitter bt instead he’s like that quote that’s like 'the gentleness that comes, not from the absence of violence, but despite the abundance of it'. suddenly slaps his little anxious rump (supportive) (affectionate)

marigold :   is your muse prone to jealousy ?  how might they handle envious feelings ?  

it’s hard to say w ziggy............... i feel like he doesn’t want to think he’s prone to jealousy bc he’s like i’m literally a god wdym i simply wld never give a fk bc i know i’m above all else................. but like. do u actually believe that ziggy. do u. FKGJHKSJGHFGSHFGKSHGKFHG. he’s good at convincing himself at least........... has me fooled too most of the time. bt. thinks abt this.............. i feel like he doesn’t tend to get jealous over ppl he hooks up w a lot of the time bt there’s definitely a few select ppl he might.......... n then he doesn’t rly know what that feeling is bc he’s so unused to feeling it so he’s like wtf why am i so fking pissed off over the thought of this person fking that person? like literally doesn’t even. connect the dots n make the logical conclusion bc it jst seems so bizarre n nonsensical to him. rly is awful at working out his own feelings like. he cld just suddenly explode one day n have to smash a bunch of shit in a junkyard n after his chest is heaving n he has all this broken stuff around him n he’s just like yo wtf was that man forreal lmfaoooooooooo..... like he just doesn’t even get how his own emotions work it’s tragic n it’s men for u. w anxious feelings he represses them a lot he doesn’t rly understand what they r or know how to recognise them........... i honestly feel like he has a lot of anxiety surrounding his mum esp w her dating n like some of the guys they’ve both had to deal w that she’s dated in the past.......... i doubt he processes that healthily or expresses it healthily either..... probably contributes to the tensions between him n his mum they hv a lot of underlying issues that come out in the form of bickering n petty disagreements...... probably a huge contributor to him acting out so terribly in high skl was just all this pent up worried energy with no means of making sense of itself or like. place to go. like shaking a coke bottle over n over n finally having to crack the lid n let it fizz on something. i also think he probably swallowed a lot of jealousy growing up whenever other kids had gd relationships w their fathers or parents in general probably ws kind of like lmfaooooo yo why don’t mine love me like that. in his head...... so ya. i think he copes w anxious feelings by acting out n also fucking if we’re being honest......... it helps him let off steam <3 king of clapping cheeks ig....

chrysanthemum :   how does your muse express romantic love ?  how do they feel about love as a concept ?  

bradley is kind of hard to read romantically like from an outside perspective but slides on my thin rimmed spectacles n picks up my scalpel to delve right in to the nitty gritty of her brain... omg... that sounded... kind of scary actually but. it’s ok. basically settles in. bradley struggles to verbalise her feelings in this regard but also in a general sense honestly.... like she’s spent a lifetime having any vulnerable or negative feeling shut down....... her dad’s the type of personality where it’s like... u can’t win. even tho he’s narcissistic n thinks he’s a god if u compliment him or express affection he’ll act pleased but there’ll also be this register in his eyes where he thinks less of u for it. so this rly had a domino effect in bradley’s emotional expression in all grounds of life...... romance is probably the most frivolous concept to tony so bradley definitely internalised some of these views n wld feel stupid for ever taking anything seriously in that regard or rly investing herself..... she also just. idk. love has only ever left bite marks in bradley’s world so she’d kind of like ‘why wld i ever expose my tender spots n open myself up to someone just so they can sink their teeth in’. i will say tho that like. despite that she can in rare instances develop those feelings n it’s always like..... quite a struggle for her when she does. she doesn’t rly understand it or how to deal w it. she finds talking about it hard n she feels childish or weak in the eyes of whoever knows how she’s feeling. it takes a long time n a lot of work to earn it bt bradley in love is like. ur the only person on the planet who knows how gentle she can b. she’d literally like. touch the face of this one guy i wrote her being in love w when he was sad so gently it was shocking it ws like a love tht deep unlocked a whole other part of her she didn’t know existed. sex is a big part of her love expression jst like. a lot of it. so much. JHGSFKHGSFGKHFKGSHG let’s get it.......... she’s a ride or die n doesn’t do anything in halves. she has a nasty habit of pushing good things away n also wld probably do this to protect the other person bc her world is a never ending shit show with her father’s presence in every room even when he isn’t physically there. she wldn’t wna subject someone she loved to the danger of that bc she hates it enough herself so. idk. smiles w hand on hip. love isn’t something bradley thinks is on the menu fr her bc she’s only ever known it to be hard or mean n why bother trying when that’s the case. it feels like there’s always small print attached tht will hurt her in the end n nothing is free or genuine. very doomed outlook on love in general tbh.

belladonna :   how does your muse respond to silence ?   do they take comfort in soundlessness ,   or seek to fill the void with noise ?  

nyla honestly doesn’t mind silence at all........ they always wake up rly early in the morning no matter what time they went to bed. it’s like someone programmed an oven timer into their brain n often when they wake up at 6am or something they’ll go on walks around irving tottering in their own little world which is quite a quiet experience in itself when the rest of the world’s asleep........... always off on impromptu adventures they came up w on the spot.......... sometimes they get lost in their own train of thought too so they just randomly fall silent bc they’re having a whole conversation w themselves inside their head or like. writing a whole children’s story abt an iguana in a trench coat floating in a hot air balloon smoking a little vintage pipe all the way to peru. honestly for every 1 thing nyla says there’s about 4987295749572592745 things they don’t say tht are x100 times stranger n more nonsensical they sort of let it all drift thru their head like an open sieve for the most part. having said tht i think in order to sleep at night they probably need some sort of white noise or smthn................. it’s handy living in a beach house bc they just leave the window open to let the ocean gush bt sometimes if they’ve snuck into like. mido’s bed fr the night or someone’s bed idk the sound of them breathing works too................. they used to always sleep w bob ross playing on loop n that was rly comforting to them esp bc he reminds them a lot of their dad w his calming voice n energy.............. sometimes they’d have taken smthn n they’d literally hallucinate it as their dad instead of bob ross n this happened so many times in a row fr a period of time tht when they finally watched it sober they were like wtf since when did they recast my dad in this show...... KJHFGSHFGKSHFKGH but also. frowns... bit sad considering. 

[adventure-hearts]

20th Anniversary = 20 questions (Day 14 / 21)

FEB 14: FAVOURITE SHIP / OTP

All right. I know what is expected of me. Time to give one for the team.

*cracks knuckles*

It’s a strange time to be a Sora/Yamato fan. Just when everyone had kind of grown out of the shipping wars and when most have accepted that the Epilogue outcome was going nowhere, we got new canon that ended up challenging many people’s expectations and not paying too much attention to the ship. The Result: some of the people who are more invested in the canon portrayal of Sorato are the ones that were left more disappointed. 

But this isn’t going to be a discussion of the “Highschool is Complicated!” approach that tri. (and so far, Kizuna’s promo) have taken. No, fam, this is a good old-fashioned analysis about why this ship freaking works.

*

I’ve been uninspired lately, and it’s been a while since I wrote a proper, long Sora/Yamato analysis. Consider this post a sequel to my very first meta, one of the very first things I wrote when I started AH. You can also check the sorato / soraxyamato tags to read few smaller pieces I’ve written since. 

I think it’s time to move on from the whole “here’s 97699 hints and foreshadowing you missed in the original series”. By now, everyone knows the appeal of the couple is based on their parallel journeys, the symbolism of the crests, the perfect balance that it gives to the triangle, their similar yet compatible personalities... I don’t feel the need to keep justifying it or trying to convert people. 

For the Kizuna Countdown, I’m going to write a few words about Yamato and Sora’s mutual understanding and uncanny empathy for each other, focusing in particular on the portrayal of their relationship in tri., and even more specifically about their scene in Chapter 6, which, is to my mind, one of the best canon Sora/Yamato scenes we ever got in canon. I’ve actually written briefly about it before, but I’m just going to analyze it again, because it’s such a perfect moment of shipping bliss. 

It is my contention that tri. didn’t give us much, but the little it did give was spot on.

The scene takes place early in Chapter 6, after Taichi’s disappearance. Yamato has assumed the role of the leader and is making sure the group moves forward and keeps fighting, in spite of what happened. However, although he is acting calm and pragmatic and determined, other feelings lurk inside. For a split second, Yamato drops his mask and looks back at the mountain where Taichi went missing, and his true feelings emerge to the surface.

Everyone else seems oblivious to this moment of vulnerability. Except for Sora. Yamato tries to hide it, embarrassed that she caught him, but eventually relents. This shit doesn’t work with her. While everyone moves on, Yamato and Sora stay back to have a one-on-one.

At this point, I have to address the elephant in the room, which is that tri. makes zero acknowledgment of the current relationship status of these two, or even about whatever happened between them during 02. 

Is this a scene between boyfriend and girlfriend? (tri. surely peppered the episodes with enough material not to completely erase this interpretation — arriving together all time, etc.). And if they’re not together, do they have a romantic history? Did the 02 fling go nowhere? Are they exes? Who broke up with whom? (lbr, Sora did.) Are there lingering feelings between them? (This, I will argue, is obvious — from Yamato’s side, at least)

The fact is we don’t know the answers to any of these pertinent questions. It’s let to the viewers to imagine the background of the relationship according to their own interpretations. It’s a bad writing decision, obviously. But I believe that, despite of this uncertainty, this scene still works wonderfully to establish and develop why Sora/Yamato makes so much sense.

Back to the scene. Sora doesn’t even need to ask Yamato what’s up. She immediately knows what is going to his head. In fact, she is the one who verbalizes what he doesn’t dare to. Yamato is surprised that she read through him so well.

Then Sora decides to do the most “unhealthily-Sora-thing” she can do. She tells Yamato he can go find Taichi, if he wants to, and that everyone else will be fine. It’s obviously not true. Sora is putting Yamato’s emotional needs first, ignoring her own.  She knows that the whole “let’s save our tears for later and fight on” is something he’s doing for the sake of others, not necessarily what his heart wants him to do.

But Yamato doesn’t even think twice. He immediately reaffirms his choice. He’s not leaving the group at this crucial time, when he has a job to do. It’s the right thing to do, it’s what Taichi would want. Yet, he is conflicted. Part of him is pulling in the opposite direction, as his natural instinct (his Crest, remember?) is pulling him towards his friend. The fact that Yamato is making a decision with his head rather than with his feelings is a huge sign of growth for him. But it’s a tough choice, and he’s not immune to the inner conflict and the responsibility of stepping into Taichi’s shoes, as later scenes in the episode will show.

Sora is reaction to this is just The Best. She doesn’t judge. She gets it. After all — and every tri. scene is always echoing what came before, always sending us back to moments in the previous series — this has happened before. Once, it was Sora who made a different choice. She was the one who left to find Taichi, and the group suffered (as did she, who had to be alone with her grief). At another point, Yamato also left the group — not to find others, but to find himself.  Then, Sora was the one who provided reassurance and who understood why he needed to go. This is to show that, if anyone understands the urge to leave, it’s Sora. She’s giving Yamato permission to make a different choice, taking the pressure off his shoulders. So that when he decides to stay, it’s much more powerful.  

Sora then decides to open up. She’s very cautious about it, but she ends up admit she’s struggling with all the loss they’ve been experiencing lately. Yamato admits he feels the same.

This a pretty vulnerable moment for Sora. As previously established, she’s one of the characters who represses her emotions the most, preferring to focus on others instead of herself. In such a moment of crisis, of course she’s doing her best to hide her fears. She’s far from an optimist, but her job is to keep morale up, to reassure others. So, for her to expose her own doubts to someone else is also a big step.

I’d just like to point out that the framing of this scene is really interesting. Next time you’re watching it, notice where the characters stand at the beginning and at the end. 

When Sora starts talking about her feelings to Yamato, their backs are turned to each other. She’s looking at the mountain behind them, he’s staring at the goggles in his hand. Taichi is on both of their minds, as their pain about his disappearance rise to the surface. This is a point when each of them is kind of lonely in their own grief.

But when Sora asks if Taichi is dead, Yamato turns around immediately, focusing on her. She doesn’t want to believe he’s dead, but she doesn’t want to fool herself either. You can feel her despair at the moment, so carefully controlled until now.

Then Sora turns to him, tears in his eyes. A pretty vulnerable moment for both, when every pretense is dropped.  They are facing each other, now. 

And Yamato just… gives her the most affectionate smile ever.

Smiling! When she’s crying! I can hear some people sharpening their pitchforks as we speak. Our Yamato would never respond so callously to her pain! Just go and hug her, you big dork!

But think for a second.  

Yamato gets that she isn’t asking him a question, not really. She’s just telling him how she feels. Yamato gets that trusts him enough to drop the mask that everything is okay. He gets that doesn’t necessarily expect him to lie or to comfort her… she just needed him to listen.

Flashback to Chapter 4:  Sora’s complaint was that she wasn’t listened to, that her feelings weren’t being taken into consideration, that no-one seemed to care. The conflict back then was caused because Yamato and Taichi couldn’t see through her silence, and also because that she would refuse to talk about what was bothering her, and expected others to guess.

But now Yamato has grown, Sora has grown. They got to a place where they feel totally at ease admitting their deepest, darkest feelings to each other. They know the other will listen and empathize.

They’ve reached a moment of pure mutual understanding. Yamato totally gets Sora, is flattered that she trusted him, and he is full of tenderness for her. That’s why he’s smiling.

Yamato just asks if she’s okay and she thanks him, for listening. 

By the end of the scene, they are facing each other, a lot closer, looking at each other with adoring eyes affection and trust. 

That’s what Piyomon sees when she and finds them together. Piyomon goes into Protective Mother Hen mode and decides to interrupt this lovely moment. To ad insult to injury, he Yamato aghast at the accusation that he would break into “a cheesy love song.” (Would he? HAS HE?)

To sum up, I find this small scene to be a perfect example of why Sora/Yamato is so compelling to me, and why I think tri. (in spite of its issues) was such a wonderful addition to the history of this couple.

The trust and love between them (whether romantic or not) are palpable. Look at Yamato’s smile (and all the looks he gives her during tri.) The boy freaking adores her. Sora is more guarded, but actions speak louder than words. Lots of people complain Yamato and Sora “came out of nowhere” and “have no relationship outside of Taichi”. I redirect you to this scene. There’s history and depth between these two.

The scene also shows that their personalities are different enough to cause friction, but similar enough so that, when they are open and honest enough, they can understand each other’s thoughts and feelings easily and completely, without much need for words. This is important, since both Sora and Yamato aren’t good at expressing their feelings in a healthy and open way, although they are so empathetic and passionate. Yamato and Sora have never been a case of “opposites attract”. Similar personalities can cause their own set of issues, but they can still make for a compelling and fulfilling kind of relationship.

It also explains why gravitate towards one another and why they have what it takes to make each other happy in the future. Yes, they are probably the two people who are more invested in Taichi’s fate and the ones who are more concerned in keeping the group together under these specific circumstances. But who else would see though Yamato’s tough resolve and allow him to confess his inner conflict freely? Who else would let Sora vent out without jumping in with words of empty comfort? (The Digimon partners don’t count!) They give each other exactly what they need, in this specific moment and (one can only imagine) in other similar hard times. They make each other feel safe, understood and, ultimately, loved.  Not a bad place to start.

*Dido’s White Flag plays in the distance*

[velvet-tread]

Multishipping Bellarke and Becho: a guide

I know I said I wasn’t going to be here, butttttttt things are getting crazy here and apparently I want to cut my followers down to zero so here goes.

Look, guys, ok I know the vast majority of you are on a scale of ambivalent to nuking North Korea when it comes to Becho and *FINE* I understand why. The Bellarke fandom wants Bellarke (not unreasonable!) so one half of your otp in a relationship galls.

But I love Becho even though I am Bellarke af and honestly the view is GREAT from here and I would love to share some of that good feeling around.

Seeing Bellamy and Echo in what is clearly a very happy and content (yet doomed!) relationship, is basically the most beautiful bittersweet thing to happen to me since Jason chose to serve my own heart up to me on a plate  with ai gonplei ste odon atop the satellite tower *sob*.

So I’m going to have a crack at some of the whys and wherefores of Becho and address how it could fit our Bellarke endgame.

My opinions, ok? I’m not trying to convert anyone, just spread some love.

Why put Bellamy in a long-term relationship at all?

Mostly, I think the answer is in the narrative shorthand the show is using to help us navigate the time jump, and the people Bellamy and Clarke are now. And who is that? Well, we don’t know the whole picture yet but one thing is for sure: Bellamy and Clarke have had a relatively content 6 years. They’re OK. Changed, yes, for a variety of reasons, but psychologically sound compared to, say, the people in the bunker.

Sure, there are some things missing from their lives - I’ll get to the nitty gritty of that later on - but I think we’re supposed to believe that they are more or less happy and healthy and whole.

So, I guess the question is, what does happy and whole Bellamy look like? Not only am I Bellarke af, but I am also a Bellamy stan to the core.  In the context of a 6 year time jump, I want nothing for him but contentment, appreciation and nookie on the regular. And it seems that against the odds, this has happened for Bellamy Bradbury Blake.  In the relative safety of space, in the company of his newfound space family, his impulse to slavishly attend to the everyday needs of his sister curtailed, Bellamy has actually, finally, taken 6 years for himself.

At his core Bellamy is an affectionate person, with a deep need for personal connection and intimacy. And, clearly, he’s attracted to girls and sex is high on his list of needs too (do we all need to be reminded of pre-Bree Bellamy and post-Bree Bellamy in s4?) so the idea of him in space for 6 years deprived of that emotional and physical intimacy just makes me sad.  And so, the shot of his and Echo’s quarters with their double bed, the TV in the corner, the punchbag above the bed (*raised eyebrow*) the shelving unit with 68 canteens on (why Becho, why?) is so heartwarming in its mundane domesticity. It shouted to me: BELLAMY IS OKAY.

Indulge my singing emo heart for a hot second. They clearly appreciate each other. He runs his hands up and down her arms.  She strokes his jaw. THEY ARE SO SOFT.  She soothes his Octavia anxiety. His terrible dad jokes make her laugh and ease her tension. These two people who have spent a life time pleasing others are happy making each other happy.

Oh, and he is JAW-DROPPINGLY NAÏVE.

Watching Bellamy in a comfortable space relationship with someone who hurt him so badly in the past deliver this bizarro rose-tinted expectation of his feisty, judgemental sister suggests that in his mind, everything about his life on Earth is hued in gold. This is a Bellamy who, surrounded by his friends and safety, has forgotten the grim realities of survival, of human frailty and human cruelty.

*foghorn* IT DOESN’T MEAN HE’S FORGOTTEN CLARKE OR DOESN’T LOVE HER ANYMORE. *end foghorn*

In fact, Bellamy finding love with Echo is just about the biggest endorsement of everything that Clarke stood for when she gave him her dying words of wisdom.

This Bellamy has absorbed all of Clarke’s glorious idealism, her ability to forgive, her faith in humanity, her faith in her own agency, her faith that whatever the problem is, there’s a solution. This is what head-and-heart Bellamy looks like.

Finally…realtalk time: I may choke on these words as I type them, but the truth about storytelling is that if you have an endgame ship in mind (and I stfg I refuse to be gaslighted on this any longer) and a 6 year time jump in which they believe each other dead, it would be straight up BIZARRE not to have one of them come back in a long-term relationship. No matter what the writers’ room says about Bellarke or love triangles, that is a conflict opportunity that is too delicious to pass up.  It’s what Satan would do.

But whhhhhyyyy does it have to be Echo?

Sidebar - I’m not going to get in too deep with the forgiveness question, because we’ve all been over it many a time. My take on it is that forgiveness is something you do for yourself,  not for someone else and is not the same as justice – especially when both people involved have things to answer for. For what it’s worth, the show’s take on it seems to be similar (hi Jake Griffin), so I see no reason why this is a problem in terms of tone or characterisation.

Anyone who knows me at all knows that I love Echo, and have a gazillion thoughts about what her arc could or should be this season.  But ultimately, this show is about Bellamy and Clarke, so it’s worth looking at this in terms of what this means for Bellamy’s character.

Basically: this is a question of impact. Echo represents the furthest possible point for Bellamy’s character development in the context they’ve given him (7 people in space for 6 years).  Echo hurt him, but she also represents all the terrible things that he has done himself, all of which he’s been grappling with for the past 2 seasons. So for him to be in a place where he forgives her enough to actually like her and then forge an intimate connection with her – that says more about how far he’s come in terms of forgiveness of others and self-forgiveness than, say, a relationship with Raven.

It doesn’t mean he’s ruined (and seriously, is this the 17th century?) or it’s out of character.  It means he’s taken Clarke’s lessons to heart.

How am I supposed to be invested in this relationship if I haven’t seen the start of it?

Well, I’ve been shipping Becho ever since she spat in his face in MW prior to their joint murder so I mayyy be biased but I would say we’ve been watching their relationship evolve for some time. No, we don’t get to see the point where forgiveness tipped into intimacy, but having been watching them forever it’s not a leap for me to headcanon the rest.

I get that it is a stretch for others but here’s the thing: I don’t think the show is asking us to be invested in Bellamy and Echo because they should be together forever.  The show is asking us to be invested in the peace and stability they found in space, literally in a vacuum, of which Becho is a product.

But if they’re going to split up, what’s the point?

Becho is the perfect illustration of the fragility of peace and human co-operation, which is in turn such a core theme of the show imo.  What Bellamy and the rest of the Spacekru achieved was an environment in which even Becho can forgive and flourish, find love and softness. That’s the goal.  But this isn’t that universe.  Bellamy and Echo were at odds on Earth because the reality of life there is messy, complicated and frightening.

Echo, bless her, knows that very few things are permanent, even the love of a good man. She lost Azgeda, why would she trust anything in her life to be constant after that? But this forgiving, idealistic, measured, comfortable, Clarke-like Bellamy is in for a shock.

You’re not expected to be sad about the demise of Becho because Bellamy and Echo lose each other, but because Becho represents an unsustainable level of stability and comfort that just doesn’t play in this universe.  Much like Clarke and Lexa before them, they’ll have to let go of the dream of a world in which their relationship is possible and I for one will ache for them.

I’m going to say here too that I think in contrast to Becho, I think Bellarke could survive in any environment.  It was forged out of crisis – as Eliza says, they’re in each other’s DNA.  They just have to work out what that means.

Why is it good for Bellarke?

Let’s push aside all my Bellarke shipper reasons for wanting a happy and whole Bellarke to be the people they reconnect with and find lasting love. And the fact that Clarke, too, has experienced a doomed love affair and I want my tragedy babies to be on an equal footing and commonality when they finally get their shit together.

Let’s also push aside the angst potential of Bellamy and Clarke reuniting when one of them has a long-term partner, which makes up the tense character-focused storytelling this show is famous for.

Because, narratively speaking, the way this has been set up is just so Bellarke-centric I cannot even. Bellamy’s life – including his relationship with Echo - and Clarke’s life are the missing puzzle pieces for one another. Bellamy is

happy

but there are a few things he misses.  He misses Octavia, who is practically his own child, and he yearns to be back on the ground with her. And like the rest of Spacekru, he misses the variety of living on Earth eating more than just algae. And guess what?  Clarke, who is also

happy

has both of those things.  She has a fulfilling parental relationship with a child.  She has abundance.  But what doesn’t she have? She misses her friends and family, and adult company. I’m going to go ahead and assume she also misses the comfort and intimacy of a physical romantic relationship too, because we’ve seen her enjoy those things before.  Both of which Bellamy has.  When those pieces unite, when Bellarke reunite, the puzzle becomes complete.

[noonmutter]

Infinity War Spoiler

It’s in the title, I’m saying right now that I AM GOING TO SPOIL PART OF INFINITY WAR, and I’m putting it behind a cut. If you read it and you haven’t seen the movie and you’re mad, you have only your own fool self to blame.

But here’s one reason why I fucking hated Infinity War.

First of all: This movie did not have me emotionally invested. It failed completely to grab me and immerse me in the universe. I was not in the mental zone that kept me from noticing and therefore questioning the logic of all the really stupid choices by the characters and the narrative, and man there were some doozies, so I came out of the theater utterly disappointed.

And then I thought back on a specific scene, and rolled through it in my head over and over again, and I finally got to an emotional response: baffled rage.

So let’s talk about the soul stone. Red Skull’s cameo, entertaining as hell though it is because he’s there solely to go “yeah so I fucked up and my punishment is to tell everybody who comes to take this thing how not to fuck up,” is easily dismissed. He’s there to be a spooky mouthpiece, yippee-yay.

He leads Thanos and Gamora to a precipice, goes “so you have to sacrifice the soul you love most if you want it.” Great cool. Gamora starts laughing because this tyrannical murderous asshole does not bear the capacity for affection and is therefore screwed.

Except he starts crying and shit, and she goes “you’re fucking kidding right,” and Red Skull goes “he’s not crying for him” and Gamora is utterly shocked when he throws her to her death not because he did it but because apparently he loved her. Heartwrenching, right? This monstrous thing that took her as a child and turned her into a soldier and called her his daughter actually developed an affectionate bond and a form of fatherly love for her, and she always felt it was hate, and her last moment was realizing that he really cared. Heartwrenching, right? Big emotional-depth moment for Thanos, right?

Except... that’s not how love works.

Let’s recap:

Thanos came to Gamora’s home planet when she was a child, where he proceeded to do the Thanos thing of taking over, splitting the population in half, and murdering one side.

For whatever reason he stumbled across Gamora herself as she’s running around calling for her mom who’s either already dead or about to be in the upcoming culling. He calls her a little fighter, takes her aside, and shows her a knife and rambles about how perfectly balanced it is, and doesn’t let her watch all those people get gunned down barely fifty feet away from them.

He trained her to be a heartless killer, hunting for the infinity stones for him, and forced upon her and a handful of others a familial relationship that most of them embraced because what other choice was there?

She rightfully hates him, and his throne, and the room his throne is in, and him, for the life he created for her.

Would somebody please explain to me in what fucking universe that what Thanos feels for Gamora is love? Love, and not self-delusion that he saved her (kidnapped her) from a terrible situation (a situation he created) and made her into something worthwhile (a slave)?

Once you’re able to do that, please explain to me how the fuck he loves Gamora more than he loves himself, as he’s the only one with the strength and vision and resolve to carry out his all-important mission? Why on god’s green earth would Gamora be an acceptable sacrifice when Thanos values the completion of his mission over her life, even if he does actually love her?

This scene pisses me the fuck off at every possible level. In the movie’s own logic it falls on its face. In real-world logic it fails to understand what love is vs. what abusers think.

Thanos throwing in Gamora and getting the stone is like Frollo throwing Quasimodo (or Esmeralda) and getting the stone.

I fucking hate this fucking movie and I don’t understand why anybody would consider that scene a good one, let alone “the best scene in Infinity War.”

Fuck the Russo bros and fuck this movie.

And to end this on a slightly more positive note, here’s my alternate take on the ludicrously stupid “hold open the iris” scene:

Thor: "I will hold the Iris open." Peter Dinklage because I can't remember the dwarf's name: "You'll be taking the full force of the power of a neutron star." Thor: "It must be done!" Starts to lunge off into space. Rocket: "So uh are we just gonna ignore all the equipment and the guy with a spaceship over here?" Thor: "We have no time! Thanos--" Rocket: "It's a basic weld job, five minutes tops." Peter Dinklage: "I was wondering if I was going insane, thank you." Thor: *opens mouth and closes it a few times* "Um. All right then." And then Thor sits down and asks Groot if he can have a turn with his video game.

[horrible-monstrosity]

Ancient Magus' Bride is... lacking something.

As a setting, the magic is like... halfway there. Some aspects are actually developed and semi-unique (my favorite is the fairies, who have a nice range of designs both in their general elemental categories and as individuals), but others are just, like... there? Like the cats episode. It's just like... oh, wow, DAE cats have nine lives?? Never heard that one before... oh, and now they.... talk. They just fucking talk. Their little cat mouths move and they're fucking cats and it looks stupid. Just- I get it, a cat that lives long enough, they get all magical and shit, and cats have nine lives so of fucking course they have nine lives but it just... stops there. How about do a little bit more? Instead of just fucking talking, have the cats use illusion magic (like we saw Elliot do with his face before) to project a human-like representation of themselves when talking, and then when they're not projecting that they just do a telepathy thing. It would give them a little more to do, and also that scene earlier in the episode where the kid comes up and Elliot hides himself before Chise even notices would be even funnier. That one Siamese cat who'd been snuggling up to her would suddenly go from some overly affectionate cat-eared guy to just a fucking cat sitting on her shoulder, and the whole fantastic scene she'd ended up at the center of would just be like "lolnaw" and turn into just her surrounded by a couple of cats.

The first dragon episode was like this as well, it was just like all of a sudden "hey DAE dragons?? there's dragons in irish/british mythology u guise, these ones have slightly different original designs but it's ll dragons!!". Since it's revisited later and since Lindel is important to Elliot's whole life, probably the best way to fix this would be to... like, incorporate Lindel more in other episodes? I dunno, I guess it's mostly fine... Titania and her husband were pretty much just "hey DAE fairy mythology". Why did the queen of fairies herself and also the king of fairies coincidentally at the same time decide to visit Chise? She has this huge dramatic introduction but she shows up to do basically nothing and her husband basically just... acts like some random cunt who showed up for no reason (even though he actually contributed something). Why even have it be the king of fairies (name forgotten) if he's just gonna act like some rando compared to the queen? Also why not just develop your own characters and if you want to namedrop Titania and wossfocker just have your character mention them?

Lindel has a selkie for a familiar and it's just like "I have both a seal skin and a human skin like in a drawer at home!!" instead of either showing however the selkie lore is adapted to this world or just saying it's a selkie and leaving the audience to figure out what that is if it isn't relevant (which it pretty much isn't besides her... using water magic to shield them? somehow? for some reason? loliunno)

Then there's all these attempts at big emotional Oscar-bait scenes but there's no buildup and no reason to be invested.

Like Chise bonding with Ruth. They barely know each other at this point aside from swapping backstories... and there's this really weird shit where Ruth claims he's human and the dead girl's brother when we've already seen him be doggo and there's no attempt made, by either him or the narrative, to justify how he can be human but also be doggo. He doesn't, like, say he's cursed, or even get to like violently deny he's a dog and not a human, because no one questions it... which is probably because everything happens too fucking fastly for any of this to settle in or be explored. So him "realizing" he was never human has absolutely no weight or even point to it and I'm not even sure why he believed that in the first place. It's a overly-conceptualized rushed mess. Anyway, them bonding as familiar and whatever the other one is has no weight or meaning to it. They barely know each other aside from knowing each others' deepest tragic backstory, and it doesn't even acknowledge that by say having them admit they're making a huge leap of faith but that they have trust in each other because what little time they've spent together has convinced them they're a good person... And this would actually be a pretty big moment for Chise if it was like that, given how closed off she's been. Instead the scene acts like it's the big emotional payoff we've all been waiting for, when there's nothing to pay off and nothing to be waiting for. Where did the name "Ruth" even come from? ... And come to think of it, Ruth's le tragic backstory has yet to come up again or actually direct his character in any way, like, at all. So that's a thing.

In the wand-making episodes twice Lindel starts up singing this generic le emotional song that... doesn't sound like anything it should be. Why u no celtic chanting? I can at least get it being all super-dramatic the first time when he's basically just showing off and letting Chise meet the local elves, but the second time it's just to cover her wand with her own hair (??????) and it should be somewhat expected by now. It's a magic tool, not a magical audience-emotions button. At least have it sound different from the first song because he's doing something different with it...

I think the best way to qualify this would be to point out one scene (and I think it might only be one scene) where they do get the drama to work- at the end of the wand episodes, when Chise turns into a motherfucking phoenix. That scene was *great*. You see, what happened this time was the whole last couple of episodes were building up to this. Chise had had to think about herself for the first time in forever, and once the wand was basically finished she talks to the ghost of the dragon who'd started some character development in her and it all comes full circle mmmmm And then when Lindel's like "well hop on the dragon, time to go home" and Chise thinks to herself... looks at the wand... and just goes "wait... I can DO THIS". And then when she tries to activate some going-home magic she turns into a fucking phoenix.

It's... I kind of love this. It's actually kind of heartwarming that she got this insane level of power out of something so small- it feels like she's finally found a place for herself.

... I've seen some people complaining about Chise's "blank" character, especially at the beginning. And while I can see where they're coming from and where they might be disappointed, but... well, I have to admit I have a bit of a soft spot for this kind of character. (Rei is best gril, suisei no gargantia is best boi) She's not super-interesting, but she's at least functional.

But oddly enough, I feel like those complaints are similar to the ones I'm making, just about character rather than the setting and plot. Just that something about the whole show feels... undercooked. Problem is, you can't induce growth and character development upon a setting. (Unless you're doing some real freaky meta shit man) So we're kind of stuck with the feeling that this show's setting is just "I read an encyclopedia of british myths that one time".

then there's some weird shit like ping-ponging what chise is supposed to be doing. on chise WORKING for elliot instead of going to school... wossname lady call this selfish. wtf. She definitely should be going to school but why the fuck would you call this "selfish"? If anything she's being overly selfless, thinking she has to give her all to Elliot to deserve to stay with him rather than bettering herself at all. elliot saying/being told that chise will be "ruined" if he keeps on taking care of her... i don geddit.

and finally, and this is going to sound fucking stupid, but..... why does the show keep shitting on its male characters

no, like, seriously. the first time we meet that workshop crystal lady chise says something out of context so she slams elliot into a fucking wall. and while i get that the priest and elliot would have beef with each other other characters like ruth shit on the priest for no apparent reason except him being """fake"" or something according to take our word for it i guess. and oberon... oh, oh oberon. this poor cunt. he rolls in after his worshiped wife acting like some dumbass, some other shit happens, and the she siccs her dogs on him. not to play with him as a distraction, because you'd think a man's wife's dogs would like maybe know him enough to not want to bite him, naw actually violently attack him. but it's fine, because he's a masochist. because that's a trait he needs to have. he's a disgusting pervert, see, look down on him. i dunno man, it just seems really fucking off.

the only man who seems to have escaped this- aside from lindel who just lives with his dragons and even him i feel like there was some bullshit thing i'm forgetting about- the only character who seems to have escaped this is ruth. why? iunno, maybe it's because he's a precious female character's loyal dog. now there's some interdesting implications

oh well, at least ruth and lindel are decently attractive i guesssssssssss

[livefastdiepretty723]

Ghosting, why is it a thing, why do we accept it as ok?

I’m currently experiencing the after burn of being ghosted unexpectedly by someone I never would have imagined would ghost me. It went from him wanting something serious the first two times, yes I said two times which was all within six month of each other two years prior to this last “attempt” if you will. Third times a charm right, I recall him uttering that phrase early in the third attempt. I thought so, I actually was giving him an honest shot this time, I actually let him kiss me this time (the last two times I wouldn’t so much as try to kiss him.) Our lives had both changed in the two year drought of us not being in the others’ lives. He had a baby, which I’m sure he found out about shortly after the last time we hung out before round three. He’d lost his job he had back then, changed living arrangements and acquired roommates. He was bouncing in between jobs which he hated, and I later found out whilst we were talking he quit the one job, which was news to me because I thought he still had it. Hello you’ve got you and your child to think about, not just you. Mind you I don’t know what he had saved up to pay his baby mama for child support but his financials weren’t my business. I was happy just spending time with him, even if it meant us running errands and applying for jobs while we spent time together. I believed in him more than I believe in myself to this day. I’m just wired wrong I suppose, I can’t seem to see the good in me or my skills but I see the world in some of the worst people. And I’m by no means saying he’s a bad person, because I don’t believe he is. I call him poopyhead for short, since the full title is Poopyhead hoodie ruiner. How’d that come about you might ask, well one night the first time we were hanging out we were play fighting and he thought that sticking his hands in my hoodie pocket (a brand new, legit first or second wear hoodie) would keep me from getting away or falling off the couch. Well, it indeed kept me from doing both. And that was an interesting story when I asked mom if she could fix the pocket, since I can’t sew by hand. (Because I wasn’t hanging out with a guy I was with one of my good friends per what I had told her to avoid an interrogation) So how did we meet, Match.com the first go around, then okcupid.com (round 2 for me). If you ask me all those online dating sites suck, I’ve been on (hotornot, plentyoffish,okcupid x2,and match which I hate paying for because it wasn’t very fruitful, and now I’m tinkering with coffee meets bagel which I’m starting to think is the biggest joke out there) Back to the poopyhead saga… So this past chapter if you will lasted from beginning of May (well we finally got together mid-May to hang out until Labor Day or the day after) He thought I knew that he had a baby, yes I did thanks to my investigative skills but I didn’t offer that knowledge up when I finally asked about a random baby item I laid eyes on to get a full confession. Was I annoyed he didn’t offer this information up at first, a little. I was more annoyed with the fact that he just assumed I knew. I at first wasn’t sure how I felt about that but I knew if I wanted to be with him, I’d have to accept it because you can’t make a child disappear like you can an ugly t-shirt or piece of furniture. Well over time I developed feelings, I got to the point I wanted to be around him or talk all the time and he even ruined me on my love of sleeping alone. So I brought this up to a co-worker who is now engaged to another girl who has a daughter. I knew that she wasn’t keen on kids and I asked her how she felt at first with her fiancé and how she dealt with it. Because now she loves her fiancées daughter, so I was grateful to have her as a sounding board because I’m on the fence about kids. So I decided the risk was worth the reward, mind you I never met his daughter, who is so stinking adorable it isn’t funny. Things seemed to be ok, I got used to his schedule of when he’d have her and did my best not to interrupt with texts or phone calls. I valued his time with her, and I thought he should have more time but that’s none of my business. I got a text one night after he’d been silent for a couple of days which upset me. This was like a month into it which should have been a red flag, maybe?

               “Hey. Sorry I’ve been quiet. I’m just starting to think that we want 2 different things. It seems like you want something really serious and that’s not really something I want right now. I just want something light and fun and not have to worry about texting all day and stuff like that. I just don’t do well with full blown relationships. So yeah it’s nothing you did wrong I just not know if I can give you what it seems like you want.”

Am I just the queen of shitty timing? Because I’ll be damned if J (the one before him who I still love and hate what and how he did me) said some shit similar to me before keeping me around as a FWB along with his girlfriend (who is oatmeal and vanilla in the looks department mind you I’m not supermodel but what?) J is another story for another day.

This was June I was still hanging out with and talking to him in September. I can be the most patient person on Earth if I want to be but I’m typically impatient as impatient can be. I hoped that things would change, I’d have some type of impact and we’d be ok. My birthday rolls around end of July, I wanted him to come to my birthday dinner. So I invite him no pressure, then I realize it’s a day he has his daughter.  I instantly am ok with him not coming or him bringing her. Well, he had her but he chose to spend part of the time he was supposed to have her playing a gig. (yet another similarity him and J share… he’s a guitarist, J is a drummer)  That upset me and I have no connection to his daughter but wouldn’t you want time with your child? I get you need to make money and by this point he had a job that can pay pretty well.  And sometime between the above text and my birthday he sent me a picture of his daughter who I affectionately dubbed killah k (yes, I gave a now two year old a rapper name). Ya don’t just send people who mean nothing to you pictures of your baby… August we both were busy with work so we saw each other here and there.

Then the night, which I think may have been the night I broke down on him but I don’t really remember I block things like that out like they’re traumatic experiences. I didn’t want to down the same road with him that I did with J (I invested almost 5 years in him, and yet I still care). And at that point I still could have gotten together with J, thanks to poopyhead I haven’t heard from or spoke to J since September. Which may be for the better, my heart says otherwise but my mind says yes. 

Back to the last night I stayed with him. We watched college football, which I love. And apparently he was betting on that game and lord did he learn the hard way you don’t bet against Texas. If he had advised me on who to choose on that he wouldn’t have been in such a mood after that. We hooked up later on, and then I couldn’t fall asleep laying there thinking which lead to me crying. Which lead to the emotional vomit of words and feelings right there in his bed. I didn’t want to be another guys FWB (I term I hate), he assured me I wasn’t because we “date” we go out and do stuff… Hadn’t done so much of the “dating” part but I guess we’d done enough and I’d met a handful of friends over the course of three attempts. I then think I posed the question of where was this going, hell I don’t remember. But I know I asked if he was being the way he was being because the demise of him and baby momma. (Side note: killah k was a result of drunken hook up with a then ex) They ended four months into killah K’s life because they were screaming and fighting. Something he’s not into, guess who else isn’t into that crap? Me! Pick Me! Me right here, I hate fighting, I hate confrontation. He wasn’t sure if she had messed him up or not. Because it was like we both had done a total 360 in terms of what each other wanted. Then I wanted nothing to do with a serious relationship with anyone other than J (sad attempt to get over him, number one out of who knows how many) and he wanted something serious. He claimed to care, while I’m there in tears after I admitted I cared. And during that conversation I hoped for a serious relationship one day, didn’t have to be the next day or the next week but you know maybe sometime before the New Year, I can be patient but he was hesitant. We both went to bed fine, no animosity towards one another. I believe I woke up before him to head home for work, I kissed him goodbye and he told me see you later or some crap and went back to sleep. I usually had to park in visitor parking spot versus in the driveway because it was usually him and one of his roommates in the driveway (mind you they’re a couple and they were out of town) so I got to park behind him. I being the nice person I am who can be rather observant, noticed his tags on his license plate were out of date. And lately they’ve been cracking down on that, so I shot him a text. And I haven’t heard from him since. GHOSTED.

I care, too much… I hurt too much? But why, I think I would have took better to FUCK OFF. What was it? Where did I fuck up? Why can’t you talk to me?