#after acofas fan fiction

[lia-land]

A Court of Silver Flames

3/5 stars

Spoilers for A Court of Silver Flames*

How this book made it past an editor is beyond me.

I read a review where someone said that this book felt like reading smut about a cousin and I couldn’t agree more. I can’t connect with Nesta. She will always just be Feyre’s sister to me and not a main character as she was supposed to be in this book. I feel like we were set up to dislike her in the earlier books and that dislike was set in stone for me.

This was kind of like a long fan fiction and had the same vibe as A Court of Frost anf Starlight because there wasn’t a strong plot and it read like A Court of Nesta and Friends. What little plot exists was mainly there to set up for the sex scenes and Nesta’s redemption arc. When a book is over 600 pages, I expect a strong plot, not for things to conveniently happen solely for the purpose of Nesta and Cassian having sex and for her and Rhys to salvage their relationship. The pregnancy plot came across as nothing more than an excuse for Nesta to come in and save the day so that she can redeem herself. I also think we should have seen the pregnancy through Feyre and Rhys, rather than having it happen in a book where they are side characters. Especially since it involved the death pact backfiring. I have many issues with the death pact regardless and it was a plot point that was set up for failure, especially since it was thrown into the end of ACOWAR. In fairness, we did get a bonus chapter of them finding out she’s pregnant, but after three books of their relationship developing, this seemed like a big thing to leave out. Perhaps we’ll get a novella of it one day. Although, it doesn’t seem like Feyre was getting up to much in this book while she was pregnant, so maybe it would have been somewhat uneventful to read about her pregnancy from her POV. Then again, this book is over 600 pages of nothing particularly eventful, so it wouldn’t be out of the question.

As many other reviews have said, it makes little sense that Cassian’s guts were falling out in ACOWAR and he lived, but C-sections do not exist. As I said before, a lot of things were just too convenient for the ‘plot’ so that Rhys and Nesta could have an excuse to mend the relationship. And the whole thing at the end where Nesta quickly throws in that she changed her hips as well so that she can bear a winged baby?? That’s not the sort of execution I’d expect from an author who has published multiple series and has been writing for years. 

The stairs specifically don’t make sense because if Nesta is so tired from going down them, how does she make it back up the stairs every time? Surely going up is more effort than going down. This is a huge plot hole and I don’t understand how not one person picked up on it before the book was published. It’s stated that she is completely drained and doesn’t stop until the can’t take another step down, so it’s not like she’s strategically conserving enough energy to go back up. There’s one occasion where she goes down more than halfway, and then gets too tired so she goes back. Like… would it not have been easier to go down when you’re already halfway there… This bothered me the most out of everything else. The House of Wind in general is a plot hole because as far as I can recall, it’s never stated that there is another way to get in other than flying. So my question is why and how would they use it for their ‘official’ meetings and parties? Do Rhys and co go back and forth to fly all these people in? Especially during those weekly meetings Rhys and Feyre do with the citizens that was mentioned in ACOFAS, because I doubt everyone would be willing or able to go up those 10,000 steps while dressed for a party or meeting.

Also, how did Rhys and Feyre build the River House so quick? Hasn't it only been like 8 months or so since Rhys gifted her the land in ACOFAS? Has the rest of Velaris been rebuilt with this same speed since the Hybern attack? Are there still Velaris citizens living on the outskirts with their houses lying in rubble while their High Lord and High Lady built their fourth house (on the biggest plot in the city, I should add)? Let’s not forget Rhys only purchased the land because the house previously on it was ruined in the attack and the owner didn't want to rebuild. The timing is just in poor taste.

Then there’s the Valkyrie. How do Gywn and Emerie win the Rite after being dragged into it unprepared with a few months of training when we’ve been told multiple times that it is nearly impossible? Even for Illyrians who have trained their whole lives. I could maybe justify it by how it was implied that the Valkyrie had specific training methods and skills, but were those skills really that much more advanced than those of the Illyrian males? So much so that Gywn and Emerie won with only a few months of training? If so, this should have been made more clear, but I’d still find it unrealistic that said skills are so advanced that one could win the Rite with only a few months of training. If Nesta alone had won, I could maybe justify it and think about how her powers made her an exception.

It also didn’t fully sit right with me that Feyre essentially locked Nesta up in the House of Wind after what Tamlin did to her. I know it’s not the exact same situation, but it felt close enough. Even if it was truly and completely the last resort, which it seemed like it was, Feyre didn’t seem very bothered by the decision. I say this specifically because of the scene after the first meeting with Nesta, when Rhys has sent all the servants away so him and Feyre can have sex. Read the room. I get that they were both extra horny from the pregnancy, but I don’t think that scene was necessary. It felt more like SJM just being like 'don't worry! Your favorite couple from the original trilogy are still having lots of sex!' Although, I forget this is the same couple that got it on to ‘the distant cries of the injured and dying' in ACOWAR, so what do I know? At least their characters are consistent in that sense. Is there a situation they won’t fuck in? Now I’m curious about what the limit is for them to say ‘no, it’s inappropriate for us to fuck right now.’

The original trilogy made me want to read slower because I did not want the pages to end and I could read about that story forever. With this book, I ended up listening to the audiobook for 2/3 because I wanted to get it over with because I’d like to know what happens to the characters. I really only got through it because I wanted to read about Feyre and Rhys, but even they were out of character and not enjoyable. Feyre often seemed like she’d aged 30 years in the way she spoke and acted. Being High Lady and the things she went through would undoubtedly have made her more mature, but it’s only been like a year. It would have made far more sense if this book was set 50 or 100 years after the events of the last book. This didn’t feel at all like the badass and sometimes reckless Feyre who escaped the weaver, had water wolves, killed the Attor, and turned the Spring Court on each other—all of which happened approximately under two years before this book.

I would happily pretend that this book does not exist if SJM one day asked for it to be ignored so that certain plot lines could be rewritten. I didn’t like the direction of any character in this and it has not left me excited for the upcoming books in this series. In this case, I think the characters would have benefitted from having their story end in ACOWAR.

I did enjoy the dance scene between Eris and Nesta and I’m excited to read more about Eris and his side of the story. I don’t care much for Mor, though I wish Lucien made more appearances in this book.

Azriel Bonus chapter: Angry Rhys and the whole “My office. Now” is hot, but he was far too harsh with Azriel. He literally told him to go to a brothel if he’s that desperate for sex. I can see where Rhys was coming from, but he straight up threatened Azriel. Not sure how I feel about that, but maybe some justification from Rhy’s POV will help in the future. It's okay for Rhys to almost cause a war over Feyre, but Cauldron forbid Azriel even entertains the idea.

I find the Evil Rhys theory entertaining and this book made me happy in that regard, but nothing else.

The only thing this book somewhat attempted to do well is set up for another book in a different SJM series, which I will not delve into due to spoilers, but iykyk.

2.5 stars, really, but 3 because Azriel called Cassian out for the dining room. In saying all of this, I will absolutely be reading any upcoming books in this series because I love the characters and I’m invested in their stories, but this book was frustrating and slow.

[starsreminisce]

tbh even E/riels are disappointed with acosf but they don't say it to others although they talk about it among themselves lol I used to be one so I should know. acosf was Nesta's books everyone expected to see Elain more bc she was close to her and they also heard about the training so they were 100% sure they were going to see E/riel training scenes (the very one they accuse Gwynriel for being boring and they don't want Nessian 2.0 lmao) so when they didn't get that they started commenting on Gwynriel post of how they wanted Elain instead of Gwyn in those scenes (specially the shadows dancing around Gwyn and the private dagger lesson) and that's when the toxicity started and I knew this place was not for me anymore. even tho I used to be a bypass in the fandom and not actually fixated on the books I saw enough threats and bullying, it was bad. I came back on acotar fandom this summer after a very long time and even now the reek of jealousy from that side of the fandom is recognizable. the pure ignorance and delusion is quite amusing, they know E/riel won't happen but they have to make it look like they don't so their years of being obsessed with a fictional ship and bulling other fans, the author and publisher won't got to waist yk. bc when I read acosf for the first time I knew Gwynriel is endgame and even before that I wasn't a huge E/riel fan but I wanted to tolerate them for the possibility of them happening and not Elucien (after the end of acofas we weren't sure who would be endgame and I was quite sad bc I was more incline toward Elain and Lucien)

anyway if they were so confidence in their ship they wouldn't do none of that and let others enjoy their time being in the fandom.

Oop that’s some piping hot tea right there.

Honestly, why couldn't they just be as chill as Azris shippers?

Azris shippers understand that the likelihood of their ship is slim, but they can manifest and hope for the best. Through Love, all is possible!

Yes, it's quite possible! I can passionately support Gwynriel and Azris in tandem. E/riels can readily accept that Elucien is the endgame couple while finding delight in the hints and potentials of E/riel until the next book's release when perspectives may change. Although there may still be Neris shippers out there, I haven't observed any significant disrespect directed toward Nessian. It's possible that I might not be searching thoroughly, but it's heartening that it's not as prevalent as the mainstream rivalry between Elucien and Gwynriel vs. E/riel.

I perceived ACOSAF as a retcon of Elucien, as Elain's abrupt shift from suggesting Lucien move to Velaris to ignoring him lacked a clear explanation of their deteriorating relationship. More on this later.

I get why E/riel shippers held onto hope after ACOSAF, even though I viewed their connection as more platonic. Azriel's deep love for Mor was abundantly clear in the series, and the Hybern scene hinted at the endgame couples, particularly Moriel, which was reinforced by SJM's deleted Pinterest.

In my view, Gwyn embodies a blend of Mor and Elain, sharing Mor's trauma, the ability to fit in with "one of the boys," a girl-next-door quality, and an interest in combat, while also displaying Elain's quiet and reserved nature.

On a more serious note, it's entirely possible to appreciate a ship without resorting to belittling anyone, whether it's a character without proper canon context or an actual person. Doubling down and resorting to insults becomes even more embarrassing. Perhaps this is due to a reluctance to acknowledge the scarcity of E/riel content to draw from.

Ironically, my anti-E/riel posts stem from my restraint in responding to most of their takes but they aren't inclined to listen, and I lack a suitable outlet to release my frustrations.

Additionally, I take issue with the way many books romanticize red flags as desirable relationship traits. It's crucial to recognize that Azriel's hesitancy to be his true self around Elain is an unhealthy dynamic, and it's not Elain's responsibility to change that. When someone acknowledges their actions as a mistake, it's wise to believe them and move on. This situation is reminiscent of the problematic "Twin Flame" concept, which often excuses negative behavior under the guise of a deeper connection.

But, thats why I don't like E/riel in a nutshell.

Gwyn and Lucien are fictional characters written to have a lot of trauma in their backstories. While they are not real, I can easily consider what you say about them as a reflection of what you truly believe to real people who have gone through something similar.

[rayonfrozenwings]

Goodnight Cassian

Waiting in the Freezing Dark Chapter 2: Goodnight Cassian

A Nessian Fan Fiction: Characters all belong to Sarah J Maas and her book series A Court of Thorns and Roses. This Story takes place after ACOFAS and after Chapter 1: What Box sweetheart?  Multiple POV’s, taking place in the Illyrian camp Windhaven, Nesta and Cassian are living together at the behest of the high lord and lady of the night court.  

Word Count: 2173

Tagging by request or interest from the first chapter: @fucking-winchester-trash, @rhysanoodle, @velarxs, @urbisie, @howtotameyourillyrian, @illyrianbeauty, @lady-katkat,@photofeesh, @study-read-repeat @verifiefangirl​, @queen-archeron,@bookofmirth, @aqueentorattlestars, @acoaas @nephelle--warrior-scribe @librarian-of-velaris @anoverstuffedkindle, @miladyaelin, 

(Just let me know if you wish to be added/removed from this list - I mucked it up, so I hope I managed to get everyone who wanted to be tagged).

Also - because you are all so lovely, i’ll try to release the next chapter tomorrow. 

Nesta

Nesta closed the bedroom door behind her, threw the furs on the bed and lit the lamp readying herself for bed. The room was sparse, a few pillows on the small bed and an aged oak dresser on the opposite wall. It was a lot nicer than her slum in Velaris and more private than the cottage she shared with her family. At least she had her own room here. New illyrian leathers lay draped on her reading chair, yet to be used, given to her when she left Velaris. Walking over to them she pushed them aside and ran her long fingers over the elegant embossed fabric of the chair, feeling the intricate swirls in the pale grey and blue fabric. Eyes shuttered as she moved her hand over the dark wood carvings near the top of the chair. It was the most comfortable piece of furniture she had ever owned. She used to spend hours reading in it at the house of wind. Nesta was unsure who had orchestrated events to make this particular piece of furniture appear here; but she was grateful.

Not that the chair mattered, she hadn’t had much time for reading recently. Nesta had managed to find tasks to occupy her time in Windhaven that were independent from the high lord and lady’s dealings. They may have told her where to live but she would be damned if they would tell her how to live. Being apart from her sisters and that interfering circle of Rhysand’s had been the best thing for Nesta. The fresh air and solitude was calming to her soul. She was learning to appreciate the small happy moments that she and her sisters had managed to enjoy. Even managing to appreciate the skill her father needed to create his wooden creations. That was another reason she loved her reading chair. It had carvings all along its arms and back. Sailing ships fighting sea serpents and other faerie beasts. It reminded her of her papa. Nesta would never admit it to anyone. It was simply the most comfortable chair to spend hours reading in and matched her aesthetic - with enough room to curl up and fall asleep if she needed to.

Nesta was learning her place in the illyrian camp and had found a close friend with Emerie, a local merchant. A lot of her daily tasks were lonely and so she would often seek Emerie out to help without actually helping. 

Because Emerie refused help. 

Nesta felt that Emerie was closer to her than her sisters, so much like herself, they understood each other without speaking. She would never tell Emerie that though, better to leave it unspoken. Nesta didn’t hate her sisters, they just never really understood her or even tried to understand her. Elain seemed to scrape the surface, finding out things Nesta liked but never deeper, she never wanted to know how Nesta truly felt. Feyre was a different beast she was in her own world, always trying to save everyone, even when they didn’t want to be saved, much like her interfering high lord. At least Cassian had let her get on with her life. An inconvenience as a housemate but not an interfering busy body like the others.

Nesta’s mood was turning, all this reminiscing pulling her back into the shadows she had worked so hard to come out of. She grabbed her favourite book off the chair where she had left it. A romance novel about a handsome King who melted the heart of a coldblooded witch, it was possibly the fifth time she had read it since finding it in the house of wind. 

It was so late and she felt like she had been pulled left and right while talking with Cassian about his grief and her own. It wasn’t something she was mentally prepared for. A few chapters to immerse herself in another world would brighten her mood. It always did. Lifting the furs to the side, she sat down on her cozy bed and started removing her boots, lifting her legs up and under the covers. It was supposed to be early spring but you wouldn’t know it in these mountains. The more furs the better as far as she was concerned.

Cassian

Cassian sat outside watching her window and waiting for her lamp to go out. Hoping she really was going to sleep - avoiding mischief. But two patrols had passed now and that glow from the window still fell on the ground outside, Cassian knew she wasn’t going to sleep any time soon.

Tonight had opened up some old wounds. He hadn't really talked about his mother to many people and although everything he said was true, he wasn't sure he wanted to deal with the consequences of his words. That winter chill was still in the air and since Nesta had taken all the furs - he was left with one measly blanket.

The first patrol had made their way back, two young illyrian males grinning and shoving each other, engrossed in some story the older of the pair appeared to be telling. Cassian smiled and dropped the blanket, spread his wings and launched himself into the sky. He took in an aerial view of the camp and houses below. He’d always been protective. Two patrols in the camp should be enough, but the unrest lately had started invading everyday life. Something he needed to deal with and the main reason he had been asked to stay in Windhaven by Rhys.

Windhaven was one of the closer camps to Velaris, just incase he was called back for security. It seemed like a battle on two fronts with the unrest in the camps and Velaris opening its borders, letting Keir and his ilk in. Windhaven was close enough to both but also one of the safer camps for Nesta to be in. A perfect compromise. He knew Nesta resented being sent here at the start, but she was warming, part of her fire was back. This place was good for her even if she never admitted it to anyone.

The camp was quiet below. A few fires around the perimeter, and tents with a soft glows emanating but very few illyrians walking around or getting into trouble. The small settlement up the road held his home and a few other wooden buildings for trade. Located just far enough from the camp to be out of the way but close enough to still be protected by their patrols at night.

Cassian landed near Emerie’s shop, located at the other end of the street to his own cottage. Cassian liked to keep his distance to protect her reputation - He couldn’t have people talking about them in the same breath. Cassian told himself he was stopping just to check that everything was alright. No lights shon from her windows. The street only illuminated by the stars above. He hoped she was asleep. Emerie had been a blessing to Cassian, someone who didn’t mind that he was an illyrian born bastard, and who took his money without making a fuss. She was also someone who seemed to understand Nesta as much as he did - if not more so.

Cassian wrapped his wings around himself and started walking back to the house. It was a small wooden home with two bedrooms; a large communal room with a kitchen and lounge with dining room. Not too different from the house he grew up in with Rhysand’s mother, Rhys and Az. The house was modest, with few adornments but he didn’t need much from a house to be content. It was more than he ever imagined as a boy and he was always grateful for where he was. A comfortable bed and a room large enough so he could spread his wings if needed - it was more than enough.

Even though he was often away because of his duties Nesta had chosen to take the slightly smaller of the two rooms. She pushed her bed hard against the wall, making it appear smaller than it was. He hadn’t heard her bring anyone home while he was staying and the bed being pushed against the wall did make him smile because any illyrian male would have a hard time pleasuring her with his wings banging against the wall.

His smile grew as the vision of a naked illyrian falling off her bed came uninvited. Nesta standing furious and naked. He chuckled to himself. He was sure she hadn’t been with anyone, the only scents in their house were hers and his own.

They weren’t currently anything to each other but Cassian couldn't get her out of his mind. Tonight he had thought that she might have wanted to kiss him and instead she taunted him and walked away. 

A grin came to his face, she was returning to that girl he met at her manor - minus the knee.

That woman with fire in her veins.

Cassian could see her making her way back to the realm of the living, back to him, slowly. She had been through a lot, turning into a high fae, stealing from the cauldron, throwing her body over his on the battlefield - to save him. The death of her father by the king of Hybern. Not even including the recent months she had spent pushing away her family,  drinking and bedding every male she could find.

There were so many open wounds in her life.

The smile disappeared from his face, this was why there was distance. She had made her decisions in Velaris and Cassian needed to let her live her life and make her own mistakes. Just because they were living in the same house did not mean Nesta would give him the time of day. He neared the house and he looked to the ground ahead.

The light was still pooling on the ground outside her window, he sighed, so he would have to talk to her tonight after all.   

The wooden steps at the front of the house creaked under Cassian’s weight as he walked up them. He released a breath, it had been a few hours since their intimate moment under the stars but he really didn’t want to talk to her yet. Pushing open the door he walked into the dark lounge room. She had closed her door and the light peeked through underneath.

Maybe he wouldn’t have to talk to her after all.

Cassian creeped across the old floorboards trying desperately not to make any sound. Walking past her door he heard something usually reserved for Azriel. You would think the shadowsinger would be as quiet sleeping as he was awake but his snoring was as loud as a giant frosted bear from the winter court. The smile on Cassian’s face grew wider until he started to laugh.

Shit! Shit! He couldn’t let Nes hear him. 

Somehow the thought of Nesta snoring seemed so out of place that he couldn’t contain himself.  

Damn it!

Her light was still on.

She was asleep.

Cassian was holding his side he tried to calm down, realising he was going to have to sneak into her room and turn off the light. Three steps to her door, he turned the handle carefully and pushed it open. There Nesta lay, covered with furs in the strangest position. He was sure that having a book for a pillow was not comfortable and was most likely the cause of her horrendous snoring. In fact it was so loud Cassian wasn’t sure he would be able to sleep in the next room. He decided that making her more comfortable was worth her wrath, especially if it meant he would get a better night sleep.

Carefully he pried her arms away from the book and pulled it out of her grip, placing it on her chair.

Nesta was still snoring but at least she hadn’t woken up. Cassian leaned forward and pulled up her furs that she had kicked off, still in her simple gray dress from the day, she had obviously fallen asleep while reading. Nesta turned and snuggled into her pillow, her scent hitting Cassian in the face and making him look closer. The gods awful snoring had stopped. She looked so peaceful, serene, it was hard to imagine the fire behind her eyes could change her look so dramatically.

Nesta was beautiful, he could see that her face was delicate and lips soft. Lips so tempting even now. Her breathing even and cheeks rosy, he wanted to kiss her right now even if it meant waking her but he wasn’t sure he could take anymore rejection from her. They had been making progress, why ruin a good thing?   

So he blew out the lamp and walked to the door, turning back to her and the shadows of the night dappled on her beautiful face. He closed the door slowly as he walked over the threshold and just before it shut he heard her whisper.

“Goodnight Cassian”.    

Masterlist

[helion-ism]

I wanted to write about something that is very important to me: the way people perceive nesta and elain in this fandom (I know that a lot of people have valid reasons to criticise them and I’m not doing this to say they are perfect because how boring would that be.) and an important part of that is nesta‘s trauma vs elain‘s trauma

I think it’s self-explanatory when I say that obviously everybody deals with trauma differently, in fiction and in real life, but I got intrigued by how different elain and nesta seem to be dealing with that, so I looked it up and found something very interesting so this is kinda a long post

nesta

there is something called emotional dysregulation, where trauma survivors have difficulty regulation emotions like anger, anxiety, sadness and shame (even more so when the trauma occured at a young age). one of the methods these trauma survivors use to attempt to regain emotional control is “self-medication” or rather substance abuse, even though it is more likely to further emotional dysregulation. others are disordered eating, compulsive behaviour (like overworking), denial of emotions, and so on. (though there are more positive behaviours to regain emotional control such as physical activity) 

traumatic stress leads to two extremes: you either feel too much or too little. I think with nesta it is pretty much clear that nesta has always been the kind of person who feels too much, it’s why feyre painted those flames on her drawer, because she was always burning. what did feyre say about her in acomaf?

“I think Nesta feels everything— sees too much; sees and feels it all. And she burns with it. Keeping that wall up helps from being overwhelmed, from caring too greatly.”

a big part of nesta’s personality is who she was as a teenager and young woman, before she got made. she blamed her father for what happened to their family, she was furious with him and wanted to make him suffer. she got consumed by it, which is why in the end it was feyre who had to provide for the family. (I’m gonna be real honest here, how were so many of you guys reading the books and blaming nesta and elain for making feyre go out and hunt when her father was literally right there lol. like ... why blame the parent when the sisters are right there, huh?) being thrown into poverty, when she lived a comfortable life and was always made to believe she’d marry a prince or lord some day, it must not have been easy for her as she was the oldest but still a child. you guys, she was a kid. how can that not leave a lasting impression on her? and how can anyone blame her for that?

what do we see in acofas after the war ended? nesta fucks strangers and drinks a lot, maybe too much, doesn’t eat enough, to cope with what happened to her. so why does she do it? do distract herself from her memories, from her nightmares, from every sound that reminds her of what happened when she was thrown into the cauldron and what happened during the war. she spins out of control with her body to stop feeling too much and start numbing the pain (which I assume is why she drinks so much, it’s a great way of making you forget your problems and sleeping with strangers is a way of numbing any emotions too). 

in acosf, we see her choose a family, we see her find gwyn and emerie and we see her accept cassian as a friend (and more), but we also see her start training with him, we see her challenge herself to go down those stairs and eventually, she does not only get physically stronger, gains weight, but she also becomes more confident internally. I feel like a big part of nesta was always to come off as cold and unapproachable, but this is not at all how we see her with gwyn and emerie, and cassian notices too:

With Gwyn … he wondered whether Nesta liked the girl because with her, she was simply Nesta. Perhaps she felt that way around Emerie, too.

obviously, I feel like this is not something that one can overcome within just one book and there’s more for nesta to learn. do I think she’s completely healed? no, but when is one ever? she has started to heal and that’s good enough for me. but I’m just so annoyed when I see people call nesta abusive and other things when they’re not even trying to understand her. 

elain

in acosf nesta says elain just needed time to adjust to the world and person she’s become, but is that it? I don’t think so, not when it is so clear to me that she has not in fact adjusted to this new life.

initially, in acowar, elain is the complete opposite to nesta. which makes me believe she’s dealing with her trauma by numbing, a biological process where emotions are detached from thoughts and behaviours. elain is basically described to be this shell, doing nothing but sitting in her room and craving sunshine. I think she was mainly in a state of shock until things started changing a little bit. (and she was also probably overwhelmed because of her seer abilities)

elain has been sheltered her entire life, first by her family, especially father & nesta and feyre who never once blamed elain for anything but rather focused on nesta, then she met graysen & got engaged and their relationship was apparently very strong (she seems to have loved him and also she gave her virginity to him), and then she went to the night court where she‘s basically been underestimated and coddled the entire time AND she lets them do it most of the time 

“But I wonder if everyone has spent so long assuming Elainis sweet and innocent that she felt she had to be that way or else she'd disappoint you all.” 

that’s what rhys says about her, like he knows there is more to her when even feyre and nesta don’t seem to see it, but this has changed in acosf, not only from rhys’ pov, but also during chapter 58 when nesta tells elain to fuck off

Elain blinked. Nesta blinked back, horror lurching through her. And then Elain burst out laughing. Howling, half-sobbing laughs that sent her bending over at the waist, gasping for breath. Nesta just stared, torn between questions and wanting to throw herself into the icy Sidra. “I— I’m so sorry—” Elain held up a hand, wiping her eyes with the other. “You’ve never said such a thing to me!” She laughed again. “I think that’s a good sign, isn’t it?“

look at her reaction when somebody is finally saying something to her but not sugar-coating it. she laughs. there’s no way of knowing what elain really feels all the time, but you have to admit, this reaction hints that that’s something elain has wanted for a long time. like she’s surprised that nesta is so bold and harsh with her, she says that nesta has never spoken to her in such a way and she’s not actually offended by it. to me it seems like she’s tired of everyone treating her like a child and maybe that scene was somewhat of a revelation to her. 

she’s been so passive for a majority of the series that fans have started calling her useless and plain, but man, I just disgree. as I said, there is valid criticism to be found everywhere (like the way she treats nesta in acosf, but in the end, I don’t really blame her for it when I think she’s still dealing with her own problems). but elain has started to make use of her agency when she helped kill the king of hybern or decided to give azriel back that necklace (for whatever reason, we don’t know yet) even though it seems like she’s still primarily passive most of the time.

so this leads me to hope that things will improve greatly for elain in the following books, especially in her own book. 

basically we have two opposites here in how people deal with trauma. elain is passive and quiet, I believe she still suffers a lot, there might be more to her abilities and that might be a part of why she’s changed her behaviour so drastically to lucien since acowar and all that. but a huge factor is also the way people treat her and implicitly force her to just continue with this coping mechanism. she’s a people pleaser and if that’s what people expect her to do ... then that’s what she’ll do until something eventually happens.

nesta is very wild and bold in her behaviour. we’ve seen her regain control over her emotions in acosf and we’ve seen her accept her new body, her new self. when cassian told her that there is nothing broken to be fixed and that she has to start forgiving herself too, I think that was a gamechanger for her. because when nesta started to forgive herself and deal with her own guilt and shame, that’s when she could truly begin healing. and I love that for her. 

[tanaquilpriscilla]

My very unpopular opinions on ACOTAR part 2. 'Cause why not?

Turns out writing unpopular opinions is fun. 

I enjoy reading SJM books, specifically ACOTAR. Note that these are my opinions. No hate intended.

------------------------------------------

Part 1

-I'm not really a big fan of Feysand (sorry). It's just their morals, they are all wrong. 

-I wouldn’t have gone to save Tamlin from Under the Mountain. 

-Rhysand isn't a feminist.

-If Rhysand is a feminist then why isn’t he helping the females of The Court Of Nightmares or Illyria?

-His feminism is only limited to Feyre and Morrigan.

-Rhysand sexually harrassed Feyre Under the Mountain. 

-Nesta isn't Feyre's parent, she didn't have to look after her. There isn't even a big age gap, only 2 years. Feyre chose to hunt no one forced her. So don't go hating on Nesta. 

-You might say that Feyre also didn't have to look after their family but this is YA Fiction. The main protagonist is the stronger character.

-I'm not excited about the Feysand baby. I honestly don't get why people really fancy it. 

-Rhys turned on by seeing the image of his child is 🤢. 

-I want to see more of the Autumn court. I feel like they are more interesting than any other courts. But this is me, and me likes it when book characters are toxic. 

-I can't believe the fandom is in love with Vivianne and Kallias. I generally don't understand.

-I don't really care about the High Lords except for Tarquin, Tamlin and Eris.

-Feyre doesn't know how to listen to people, or she just doesn't care.

-Mor should apologize to Azriel for making him wait for 500 years.

-Azriel isn't in love with Mor, he's obsessed. Or maybe he's just trying to protect himself?

-Rhys should be nicer to the Court of Nightmares. They ARE his people after all.

-Rhys can't just go and kill the rebels like that. That's not how you run a country. You have to listen to them first, come to an agreement. If he IS going to kill his people, and call them rebels, then don't leave them to rule themselves. Get out of Velaris, go visit the rest of your kingdom. 

-Also, him going to the court of nightmares just to terrorize his people is disgusting. 

-He is ruling using fear, not respect. Relationships/ countries based on fear won't exist for long. Their bond will break. And we saw that in ACOFAS. 

-Honestly, I would've also rebelled if  I had Rhys as my High Lord.

-Feyre should stop with teaching art to children, that is also not how you run a kingdom. Go do some real business. 

-Elain doesn't belong to anyone.

-Even though Elain is my favourite character, her storyline is boring. 

-I hope something dangerous happens in Elain's novel. Then there'll be more action. 

-Rhys and Feyre do not know how to run a kingdom.

-Eris is really interesting. I want him to get his own book. 

-I hope ACOFAS is the end of Feysand storyline.

----------------

Wow, this just turned into a Feysand unpopular opinions post. 

I'm doing ACOTAR ships unpopular opinions next.

That's all for today. 

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

[tomtenadia]

Go your own way

Ok, I did something crazy and I wrote an ACOTAR fan fiction.

I haven’t written a fan fic in decades and I found myself rusty beyond belief.

I wasn’t even sure I would remember how to do it. But the ACOTAR series is so full of angst that for some reason i found myself inspired (who doesn’t love a nice angsty ff?)

First of all I want to apologise. As I said... i Haven’t done this in a very, very long time so my writing style is suffering. Also, I am literally new to the fandom as I finished the series this weekend. I did try to follow canon as much as i could, but please be patient if i have gone OOC a bit. Again, learning again how it all works.

The fic is about the moment when Mor finally tells Az why she can’t love him. And there is also a hint of Elriel because I am savagely shipping Elain and Az. 

It’s definitely set in a not so far future after ACOFAS.

In my head it sounded great, I am not sure if I did manage to write something decent. So please have patience.

The title is from the song Go your own way from Fleetwood Mac.

I would like to thank you @illyrian-lover-flower for the chat that actually sparked the idea for this fic. I hope you like it.

Thank you all for reading. Let me know what do you think.

***

Go your own way

I look at Azriel from a hidden corner in the kitchen and a tug of happiness fills me.

He is sitting in the living room beside Elain and they are chatting in the rare calm of the town house and her smile is so bright that it could lit up the room. His gaze instead… the one of a fool in love.

His scarred hand gently cover hers, a touch almost out of place and perhaps appearing far too gentle to those who do not truly know the Shadowsinger.

But I do. And he can care. He had been at my side for over five centuries, he saved my life. He loved me. He still does and I keep breaking his heart because I can’t muster the courage to tell him the truth. Because truth is… I do care about him. More that I can admit. Just not the way he would like me to. And because I love him I always avoided the truth.

I need to let go. He needs to let go.

I study him with Elain and I sigh happily.

She might have another man claiming to be her mate but I noticed how they slowly got closer together. How she showed him day by day her growing affection. No sudden and glorious declarations of undying love. Just those timid steps toward their own personal corner of paradise after hell was literally unleashed on all our lives.

Slowly I move my body and I make sure that Az notices my presence in the kitchen.

His head snaps to me and with a tiny movement of my head I tell him to join me in the kitchen.

He bows to Elain and like the prince charming that he is, I see him kissing her hand and excusing himself.

I brace myself for the discussion ahead. One I am not sure I am ready to have.

“Were you spying on us?” He says to me with a strange glint in his eyes “You know that’s my job.”

“I was just here for a tea.” I tell him showing him my mug still full with steaming liquid.

I take a deep breath and he notices the tension rising in my body.

“What’s wrong?”

I can see him going in full alert. The war was over but there was still so much to do that we could still not declare us fully safe.

“We need to talk.” I said to him in a whisper and I look at him in the eyes.

“Strategy talk?”

I shake my head “Us talk.”

He freezes in front of me. I take a sip from my mug trying to buy me some time to think how to best breach the subject.

“Az, I need you to be happy.” I can see him staring at me, confused.

My right hand touches his arm and he is startled at that contact “I can’t give you what you want from me and I know that deep down you know it as well.” I take a pause to study his reaction but he just stares at me almost terrified by my admission “We have been dancing this dance for over five centuries, but the time has come to let go. But also…” and I take a deep breath because I know that once I admit to him that I lied to him all this time, it will hurt more that the whole revelation in itself. “I can’t love you, Az because I like women. I have known for a while now but, a part from Feyre, no one knows, because I am too much of a coward to tell everyone.” And as I finally open up my heart to him I see a flash of something dangerous in his eyes. But he still stares at me in silence and a part of me wishes he would just lash at me. It would hurt less.

“I love you, like a brother and that will never change. But this is all I can give you.” And I feel disgust wash over me. After all he has done for me… but words are betraying me and I don’t think I will ever be able to fully tell him how much he means to me. Not even if we have another millennium together.

“You never…” he finally manages, reining in his fury “Why you didn’t say anything? Did you think that I would judge you for your sexual choices? You know I don’t care. Why? Why the secrecy and the lies?” His tone rises a notch and I can feel tears welling in my eyes. And in his… fury.

His body shifts and it looks as if he getting ready to leave and I grab his arm again “I am sorry.” Is all I can breath while I try not to break “I am still dealing with this. Still accepting who I really am and I don’t know, Az. This is so fucked up.” My other hand abandons the tea on the table and lands on his other arm, grabbing him almost as if to ground me to that earth that was slowly sliding away from under my feet.

“I loved you. I love you.” And his confession hits me deeply. Never had he pronounced those words to me. But I have always know.

“I know.” I say softly as the tears eventually start to run down my cheeks “I know.” I repeat and I take a step toward him.

“Five centuries, Mor. Five damned centuries.” He sighs deeply “I need…” he stops as if not being able to finish that thought. I can see him struggling with something.

“I need you to be happy…” I finish the sentence for him and his stare is like a knife in my heart.

With my head I nod to Elain in the other room “Go your own way. Be happy. I have hurt you enough. You have endured enough.”

“I am not leaving you.” Word uttered with fierceness.

“You will still be my friend. I will still be here. I am just asking you to stop pining for me.” I turn his body around with force and point it to the living room “You gave her Truth-Teller. You almost died for her to save her. Don’t tell me that you don’t feel anything. By the Mother, everyone can see how close you two are.”

“She is someone else’s mate.” I can hear him whisper quietly while I track his gaze slowly following Elain’s movements in the living room. “Story of my life. Azriel, the sad bastard doomed to fall in love with women he can’t have.” And I hear him snort.

And that confession breaks my heart because I can taste his pain. I squeeze my hands harder on his arms “Stop it.” And my voice looses all its gentleness “Hate me, curse me, shout at me if it makes you feel better but please give up on your love for me. I am not worthy of you.” And I see his head snap back at me incredulous at my admission. Not knowing that I am aware that the only reason why he never told me it’s because he never felt worthy of me.

I caress his face and I try to give him a smile while my tears still run down my face “You are worthy.” And slowly I move a step toward him and I bury my face in his chest.

For a moment he doesn’t move then I feel his strong arms fold gently around my back.

He kisses my hair and I hear him sigh “Do you really think I have a chance with Elain?”

And a fragile smile appears on my lips as I sense the change of tone in his voice.

I move away from the embrace and look at him “Just get a move on… Cassian might get tired of chasing Nesta and decide to give it a go with the last Archeron sister available.” I joke and I can see a glint of fun in his eyes and my heart feels suddenly lighter.

“You can always ask Cassian if he has some female friend to lend you. Considered how obsessed he is with Nesta there is probably a long line of females all sad and lonely down in Velaris.” He winks at me and he turns to go back but he stops on the threshold.

I grab his hand “I love you.” I whisper to him.

He doesn’t reply but turn to me, stoops and kisses me on the cheek. Then disappears back in the living room.

I can see him placing a gentle hand on Elain’s shoulder. Her face turn upwards and gives him a beautiful smile.

I take a sip of my now almost cold tea.

“Go your own way…” I whisper to him.

“Be happy.”

[e-bacellar]

I just saw your comment on the bookish Valkyrie post and all I can say is FELT sometimes it’s honestly depressing to be in this fandom I have left multiple times but I love the fics and art content so I always come back😂😂 honestly the way eluciens and Lucien Stans have suffered in this fandom is sad we have received so much shit I don’t think any particular side of the fandom has received as much shit as us, after ACOMAF came out I can remember then if you say you ship elucien they would call you so many names and literally treat you like an abuser it made me second guess every single thing and it wasn’t just from one side it was coming from everywhere till date we still receive shit almost every post of elucien art it’s either vomit emoji or Lucien is a creep and it’s so funny because even after all this you expect us to be as violent as elriels but no we still stay calm even though we are always pushed aside like we are nothing. I honestly think if elucien is endgame all eluciens will be happier than the characters themselves hopefully SJM sees that we have been waiting since forever and gives us a befitting HEA that is actually worth all the wait.

Hi Anon, I hope you are having a good day! I speak a lot, sorry for the long answer.

I totally understand you, I haven't been in fandom that long and I already feel exhausted, I've tried to leave fandom numerous times and failed too, but to keep my sanity I limit myself to staying in my bubble of Lucien, gwynriel, nessian and even elucien content too. I believe you have been in the fandom longer than me. If today it is hard enough to be their fan I can imagine that after ACOFAS left how it must have been for you.

When I was using twitter I knew more Lucien and elucien stan who were not part of the fandom than active ones and I saw many who were active also stopped because they couldn't stand the attacks every day. I see that around here too and that is very sad, this was supposed to be fun. That's why I feel more comfortable here on tumblr than in other social media, because here I block tags and people and stay in peace. I believe I can stay like this because most of the Lucien and Elucien stans want to have fun, this is what I like the most and well pointed out, we had everything to be more aggressive but we are not.

I really can't understand people from the other ship because they claim to be endgame but spend every day vilifying other characters and attacking people who like them. I mean, they have countless content creators, there is always fanart and so on, they should enjoy it and leave other people alone. Seeing people having this kind of aggressive behavior with other people is not cool to see and when you see several adults in the middle, it gets complicated, it's wrong on several levels. Especially when they are going to attack artists or put vomit faces on their art, it is disrespectful and childish. Especially when they decide to trivialize serious social issues because of ship. Seeing people use social issues because of a fictional character, because of a ship, to try to shame and devalue the other person is a big red flag to me, that's where the limit is.

Before I joined tumblr I thought elucien would be end game, especially after reading the bonus chapter. Although I think SJM will still make us suffer some more, I hope I'm wrong. For me it's already being a little distressing to hope I can imagine how it must be for those who have been in the fandom for a long time like you.

By the way, sorry if I wrote something wrong, English is not my first language and I'm still learning =)

[thebluemartini]

Far From the Shallow - Chapter 3 [Nessian Fic]

TITLE: Far From the Shallow

SYNOPSIS: Post-ACOFAS. As part of a deal with Feyre, Nesta has agreed to live with Cassian in the Illyrian Mountains. However, shortly after her arrival, she receives the startling news that she’s pregnant from one of her one-night stands. While she tries to quickly get a grip on her life, Cassian’s determined to make her see that she’s not facing this alone.

FIC LENGTH: Multi-chapter

PREVIOUS CHAPTERS: Chapter 1 / Chapter 2

TAGGING: @dreaming-of-bohemian-nights @queenofillea1 @trash-for-nessian @nestaarcheronwillkillme @my-fan-side @strangeenemy @maastrash @cageddovepoetry @bybooksanddreams @lilbat90 @ritamordio19 @mastercommandercaptain @feysand-dot-acotar @archeron-queen @welcometothespeaknowworldtour @empress-ofbloodshed @there-is-warmth-in-winter @mybbyfeyre @saltydreamcollector @aditiiparasharr @justlikethecheshirecat

*This chapter is also posted on AO3 and FF

________________________________________________________________

CHAPTER 3: November

Over the course of the next few weeks, Nesta had fallen into somewhat of a routine. Following her mornings of vomiting in the bathroom, she would go out for a walk around Windhaven, thinking.

Just thinking about...everything.

The baby. Her father. This life. Cassian.

She had no choice but to think about it all. Alcohol was no longer an option to escape...as the healer had revealed to her two weeks ago that it could harm the baby.

It had been over a month since she last had a sip of alcohol. That desire to drink to escape still lingered but the lack of any bottles in Cassian’s cabin made it easier to break the drinking habit.

Cassian’s words to her on top of the mountain about helping her with the pregnancy replayed in her head frequently. And each time they did, they threatened to stir something within her...but she fought it off. Instead, she chose to wait and see if Cassian spoke true. After all she had been through with the ways her father and Tomas had failed her...she had trouble believing that Cassian would honor his word.

Part of her wanted to believe that he was being honest, especially since he was trying to honor his deceased mother, and yet…

No. She could not have hope.The men she had ever put faith in always failed her. Her father. Tomas.

No, she could not risk her heart being squashed once more. Instead, she would simply wait and see.

She would often spend the rest of her mornings pondering this during her walks, then would return to the cabin and find her lunch prepared by Cassian ready for her at the kitchen table. She’d pick it up and retreat to her room to eat it. Even though she had been barely eating the past several months, she knew she had to eat for the baby. She had already screwed up in the past by not helping provide for her sisters when they were hungry. She couldn’t allow that to happen again, so she forced herself to eat her meals.

Then she’d spend her afternoons and evenings rereading her favorite books in her room until Cassian dropped off dinner outside her door, which she’d collect and eat, and then go to sleep.

For two weeks, that’s how her schedule went. However, this week was different. The night before, when she retrieved her dinner that was sitting and steaming on the floor outside her room, the bowl was sitting on top of a stack of three books.

Removing the bowl from the top of the stack, she looked through the books and found two of them to be about fae pregnancies, while the third looked to be a fictional romance novel titled Romancing the Scoundrel.

Gathering the books along with her food, she had gone back into her room and spent the evening reading one of the pregnancy books, falling asleep with the book lying open on top of her chest.

Today she went for a walk as usual, but this time she changed her route and found herself at the camp’s training ring. A group of females were lined up along the fence, while one female was in the ring...with Cassian.

Nesta didn’t dare to go up to the fence around the ring. Instead, she chose to linger behind the other females and watch with them.

Cassian and the dark-haired female stared intently at each other with annoyed expressions upon their faces as they slowly circled around each other.

“What makes you think a bastard like you can waltz right in here and teach us how to fight?” the female snarled.

“Well since I’m the General Commander of the Night Court’s Armies, I think I have a lot to say on the matter,” Cassian grumbled back.

“You mean you’re a General Commander who sends his supposed Illyrian brethren to their deaths,” the female said as she struck her arm out to punch him in the face, but Cassian quickly ducked his head. Her swing at empty air knocked her off balance, sending her to the ground flat on her stomach.

“I think I can teach you a thing or two,” Cassian remarked as he smirked down at her, while a few females watching booed him. The female pushed herself up off the ground and slowly stood before Cassian. She was shorter than him and had to tilt her head up to look at him. With her face right in front of his, she spat at him, sending the spectators in front of Nesta into a fit of giggles and cheers.

Cassian’s smirk immediately vanished, and he shook his head in an attempt to get at least some of the spit to fly off of him before glancing over in Nesta’s direction. The female then kneed him between the legs, sending Cassian on his knees to the ground as he grunted in pain. “Looks like you have a thing or two to learn as well,” she said to him and wandered off to leave the ring.

Nesta kept her eyes on Cassian as he fought to keep his discomfort from showing on his face. “Who’s next?” he called out to the females.

“I think that’s enough training for today,” a male voice answered him. Nesta turned her head to find the Illyrian war-lord Devlon strolling up to the ring.

She may not have had many interactions with the male - and certainly didn’t care to - but the sight of the snobbish dolt always sent her blood boiling.

“They’ve only just started training a half hour ago,” Cassian said through clenched teeth.

“Well it appears that they don’t think you’re an adequate trainer. And those who still have living husbands and brothers need to start preparing lunch and dinner for them. The males had a trying day of training up the mountainside. They’re going to be extra hungry.”

There were a few grumblings among the females at that comment, while some of them looked to be relieved about heading back home for the day.

But his comment about only some of them having living husbands and brothers sent an image of a bright bolt of light to her mind. She remembered feeling like she would lose her voice permanently with how loud she was screaming Cassian’s name when she saw that Cauldron’s blast aim for him. And when he came to her...the rest of his men were obliterated by that light.

It was because of her that Cassian was still alive...and had to deal with some of this abuse.

“The females deserve an equal amount of training time as the males!” Cassian fired back.

“I am well aware of your feelings on this,” Devlon cooly replied. “But I’m also aware of how enraged all the males will be when they come home and find their food not ready for them.”

“So what? Maybe it’ll teach them to finally learn how to cook for themselves!”

Devlon ignored Cassian and turned toward the females. “You are dismissed.”

The females turned around and began to walk away. When they found Nesta standing behind them, some of them stared at Nesta with alarm in their eyes, while a few glared at her. All of them kept their distance from her as they walked away.

“Devlon,” Cassian growled.

“Being a whiny dog is not a good look for you, Cassian. I suggest you hold your tongue...and get your witch out of here,” Devlon stated with a pointed look at Nesta.

Nesta gave him a cold stare in return.

“She is not a witch, and I certainly do not own her. She can do what she wants,” Cassian said.

“Well, if you expect her to survive in these mountains, you may want to encourage her to stay away from the other Illyrians,” Devlon casually suggested before turning around to leave the ring and head back to wherever he came from.

Cassian frowned at his retreating back before leaving the ring himself, slamming the ring’s gate behind him.

As her eyes followed him, she couldn’t help but wonder...How could he stand this treatment? The inhabitants and the war-lord didn’t respect his status as the General Commander. Why does he even bother fighting for these females? Why does he even stay in the Illyrian Mountains? Is this all just to honor his mother?

Cassian didn’t bother looking at Nesta. Instead, he continued his trek with long strides toward his home.

At first, Nesta debated if she should even follow him to the cabin but soon found her feet had a mind of their own and strode after Cassian. By overexerting herself, she finally managed to catch up to him.

But when she reached him, she found she didn’t know what to say to him. And yet, with deep breaths, she tried to match his pace. Cassian glanced to his side when she appeared, and when he finally noticed she was trying to keep up with him, he slowed down.

Cassian took a few deep breaths as if he was trying to calm himself. “I didn’t expect to see you at the training ring today. You must’ve enjoyed seeing them insult me,” he said wryly.

I only enjoy you being insulted if I’m the one doing the teasing, she thought to herself but didn’t dare to say it aloud.

“How do you stand it?” she asked, disregarding his comment. “Why do you keep trying to help them if they don’t respect you?”

Cassian shrugged. “Even though they deny it...they’re still my people. My mother’s people. I don’t want anyone to be treated the way my mother was ever again. So I just keep trying.”

“You’re a fool,” Nesta muttered, not understanding how he, an outsider to his own people, would want to keep trying and helping them if all they did was mock him. They didn’t care about him. He didn’t even fit in with them, having different values and beliefs than them.

This was worse than not finding pictures of yourself in your own sister’s estate.

“Maybe so,” he said seriously, as if he also had doubts about why he kept trying. 

“What are you going to do about them?” she asked as they turned around a corner of a cabin.

“Well, I don’t plan to try training those females again anytime soon. I’ll have to talk to Rhys about how to handle enforcing their training schedule.”

“Have you done anything about that other camp...the one that left the birds?” Nesta blocked the image of the dead birds out of her brain.

Cassian sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “I haven’t decided what to do yet.”

“Sounds like a great plan,” Nesta remarked sarcastically. 

“Thank you for your confidence in me,” Cassian stated, matching her tone, as his cabin came into sight. A female was sitting on the platform before the front door, and Cassian immediately resumed his quick pace, easily passing up Nesta.

Nesta trailed a few steps behind him. Once Cassian reached the cabin, she heard him speak to the female.

“Emerie, what’s happened?”

As Emerie stood up, Nesta walked up to Cassian’s side, wondering who this female could be. This Illyrian female who willingly talked to and waited for Cassian.

And didn’t have wings…

Emerie eyed Nesta carefully before moving her eyes back to Cassian’s. “Someone raided my store.”

Cassian let out a sigh of frustration. “Do you know who?”

Emerie shook her head. “But they only took the items you had ordered for the nearby camps for Solstice.”

Why would he bother giving gifts to those who despised him?

Suddenly, the image of a small wooden box within Cassian’s hands appeared in her brain. Despite months of her trying to have nothing to do with him, he still tried to give her a gift...

Cassian let out another sigh. “Maybe it was Dunclare…”

“Why Dunclare?” Emerie asked.

“They’ve already made a threat against me.”

“What kind of threat?”

“They left me some of their dead birds,” he explained nonchalantly.

A cold, bitter wind blew over them, sending a shiver down Nesta’s spine that caused Cassian to glance over at her.

“Let’s talk more about this inside,” Cassian said as he stepped forward and unlocked the door. He pulled the knob and held the door open for the two females. “Emerie, this is Nesta. Nesta, Emerie,” Cassian said as they shook the snow off their boots and walked in. “She’s a shopkeeper nearby and has been trying to help somewhat with Illyrian relations.”

The two females simply nodded in greeting as they headed to the kitchen area.

“So you’re the witch everyone’s been talking about?” Emerie asked.

“Yes,” Nesta quickly replied. Cassian sighed again. “I’ve never heard of you,” she continued as she narrowed her eyes. “Cassian’s never mentioned you.”

“It’s hard to tell things to someone who doesn’t care to listen or talk back,” Cassian piped in as he eyed Nesta with a flare of frustration in his eyes.

“Are you sleeping with Cassian?” Nesta asked bluntly and seriously.

“Nesta!” Cassian shouted in outrage.

“No,” Emerie answered calmly.

“Good. A female with standards,” Nesta commented.

“That’s rich coming from you,” Cassian spat back. “You slept with cowards who weren’t brave enough to face me.”

“Males and females alike simply don’t want to deal with a buffoon like you,” Nesta fired back.

“And you think you’re a delight to deal with?” Cassian said incredulously.

“I like her already,” Emerie added with a hint of a smile on her face as she took a seat at the kitchen table.

Cassian growled as Nesta smirked at him and sat down at the table. “Let’s eat lunch,” he mumbled as he gathered some bread, meat, cheese, and plates and brought them to the table.

After Cassian sat down, the three of them gathered each item to make their own sandwich. “When did the raid happen, Emerie?” Cassian asked before taking a bite of his food.

Emerie swallowed. “Early this morning, when I was out. They broke the door down. When I returned, only the items you purchased for Solstice were gone.”

Cassian groaned. “It sounds like something Dunclare would do. Because of their disdain for me, they wouldn’t want me attempting to spread some goodwill among the camps.”

“Well, are you actually going to do anything about it?” Nesta wondered aloud in a sharp tone.

“I need to think this through.”

“What’s there to think through? Write to them and show them who their commander is,” Nesta advised angrily.

“It’s not that simple.”

“It would be a start.”

“I should really talk this over with Rhys,” Cassian said as he ran a hand through his hair.

“I don’t see why you’d need to. Just meet with them.”

“Why do you suddenly care so much?” Cassian asked as he stared at her.

She was silent for a moment before she decided to reply. “Well, they threatened me too and…” she trailed off.

And therefore my child.

She didn’t need to speak it aloud. Cassian seemed to understand what she had been about to say as his face softened.

“What do you think I should do?” he asked gently.

She took a moment to ponder his question. “Write a letter to the war-lord and ask if you can meet with him.”

“That’s it?”

“It’s a start. We’ll see where it leads from there.”

“We?”

“I thought we already established that this Dunclare camp has threatened both you and me. I do not take threats against me lightly. If I’m going to be forced to stay here, I don’t want to be living in danger.”

Emerie gave her a perplexed look at the words.

“My sister has ordered me to stay here for at least a year,” Nesta explained to Emerie.

“It’s a long story,” Cassian added.

“And you’re okay with this?” Emerie wondered.

“I...tolerate it.”

With the pregnancy, Nesta strangely realized she felt...thankful to be away from her controlling, invasive sister. She hadn’t spoken to her or Elain in over a month now and the space away from them provided her with a much-needed break from their criticisms and pestering.

Of course, she still had to deal with Cassian, but so far, it had been...endurable.

Upon finishing his meal, Cassian got up from the table and briefly left the room before returning with a piece of parchment and pen.

As Nesta and Emerie finished chewing their food, Cassian began to scrawl on the parchment. After Nesta took her final bite, Cassian slid the parchment toward her. “What do you think?”

Nesta picked up the letter and read it. Once she finished, she slid it back to Cassian. “It’s too demanding. They’re already bitter about your status as the General Commander. You don’t want to infuriate them even more.”

“Hmm,” was all Cassian said as he took the parchment back. He then proceeded to cross some things out and scribbled something.

He slid the paper back to Nesta.

Her eyes scanned the letter. “Hand me your pen,” she ordered him, and Cassian did as requested.

Nesta made her own corrections before sliding the letter and pen back to him. “You also don’t want to sound too weak either. You still have to command some respect.”

Cassian read through her amendments and made a few more corrections of his own before giving the letter back to her.

As she read it, she didn’t pick up the pen at all. “Good. Now write it on a fresh piece of parchment and send it off.” She pushed the letter back to Cassian.

He stared at her as he took the letter. “Thank you,” he said quietly.

For a brief moment, Nesta found herself swelling with pride, but she was quick to squash it.

What did it matter that she had the approval of some egotistical bastard?

She at least tried to convince herself that it didn’t matter, but she was failing. So she immediately got up and without a word, returned to her room for the afternoon.

Distance always helped keep pesky emotions at bay after all.

________________________________________________________________

She spent the rest of the afternoon reading, just like every other afternoon she’d spent there.

Her lunch with Cassian and Emerie had been the longest she’d spent within Cassian’s cabin outside her room. It also marked the first time she’d eaten a meal with Cassian since arriving here.

Dare she say she found the change...refreshing?

While she never liked people in general and she certainly enjoyed time alone, there were occasionally instances where she wanted to feel...not alone.

Spending most of her time alone in her room had definitely started to drive her crazy. Conversing with Emerie and Cassian for lunch had felt...oddly pleasant.

While her and Emerie only chatted for a bit, she felt like she was someone she wouldn’t mind having as an acquaintance.

With Cassian...he was still an obnoxious bat, but one she felt she could tolerate.

As long as she kept her former emotions at bay and reminded herself that he was only helping her because of his mother. Not because of her. He couldn’t understand how her sisters could love her, she reminded herself.

She heard a knock at her door, followed by Cassian shouting “Dinner!”

When she opened the door, Cassian had already vanished but a steaming bowl of stew was sitting on the ground. Picking it up, she stepped back inside her room.

When she reached her bed, she paused and looked down at the open book that Cassian had given her.

If she felt alone here in the mountains, and Cassian also appeared to be alone here based on the day’s events, then perhaps they could...be alone together.

She turned around to leave her room and headed to the kitchen.

________________________________________________________________

Nesta Archeron had shocked Cassian four times that day.

First, she had been watching him train with the Illyrian females. It was completely unexpected. He hadn’t noticed her presence until he tried to shake Hera’s spit off of his face, leaving him briefly with his guard down. Hera had seized the opportunity to knee him between the legs.

Nesta didn’t seem to want to bother with him unless she had to, which meant he was always the one to initiate any sort of conversation with her since they’d been here. She didn’t even care to leave her room at all when he was in the cabin. In the weeks between the time they visited his birthplace and today, he scarcely saw her.

To see her actually stopping to watch him train today was strange. Her witnessing the other Illyrians insult him was...humiliating. She already thought so lowly of him. And then she saw how low the others thought of him…

Why do I even care?

He then was shocked when she had chosen to follow after him after the failed training session. At first he figured she wouldn’t want to walk back home with him, but she came to him for once. He couldn’t ignore that.

Then she actually ate lunch with him and helped him compose a letter.

But the fourth surprise came when, shortly after he dropped off her dinner outside her door and he returned to eat in the kitchen, Nesta appeared, carrying her food with her.

Without a word, she sat in the seat across from him and started eating her meal. At the sight of her, Cassian couldn’t help but halt his eating and stare at her open-mouthed.

“Close your mouth. It’s not an attractive look for you,” Nesta stated sharply before eating a spoonful of stew.

Cassian quickly transformed his bewildered face into a smug one as he leaned back in his chair. “Then tell me sweetheart, what look on me would be most pleasing to you?”

Nesta rolled her eyes. “There’s not much you can do with that face of yours - ”

“Because it’s already perfect?” Cassian interjected with a wink at her.

“Don’t make me regret coming to eat out here,” she said sternly as she glared at him.

Still sporting a satisfied grin, he picked up his spoon to continue eating. “So if it’s not my dashing good looks, to what do I owe the pleasure of your company?”

Nesta rolled her eyes again. “Reading about what’s to come during this pregnancy was starting to nauseate me, so I thought eating out here might be more slightly more enjoyable. However, talking to you is starting to become equally nauseating.”

This game of theirs...where they teased each other and got under each other’s skin…He got a thrill out of it. But he knew he couldn’t push it too far. He was lucky today. She hadn’t even made a move to leave the table despite their comments to each other.  

But then she put her spoon down on the table, leaving half of her stew uneaten. Ever since she found out she was pregnant, Nesta had been doing so well with eating all of her meals completely. And now she looked a bit uneasy…

She wouldn’t be seriously nauseated from eating with him...would she?

“Nesta, is something wrong?”

“It’s nothing.”

“Nesta,” he pleaded.

Nesta sighed. “Suddenly the thought of eating stew just sounds disgusting, and I’m craving pancakes instead,” she said irritably.

“Then I’ll make you pancakes,” Cassian exclaimed as he instantly got up from his chair to search for the ingredients within his cupboards.

“You don’t need to,” Nesta said as she shook her head.

“It’s fine,” Cassian insisted. “I want to.”

“Why?”

“I’m...just relieved you’re eating again,” Cassian answered as he turned away from her and began putting the flour, eggs, butter, and milk in a bowl. Her thin body had been terribly alarming, and he would do everything he could to bring her back to a healthy weight.

Nesta said nothing in return.

“I’m going to visit Rhys and Feyre in Velaris tomorrow so I’ll be gone for most of the day,” Cassian announced as he mixed the ingredients.

“To see if the letter is a good idea?” she asked in an offended tone.

“No,” Cassian was quick to reply. He turned to look back at her. “I already sent off your letter.”

Nesta stared back at him. He tried to analyze her features and figure out what she was thinking...but this pose was what he deemed her I’m Deliberately Hiding Any Sign of Emotion From You pose. He turned back to the bowl to continue mixing.

“Then why are you visiting them?” she asked.

“I need to meet with them often to discuss reports on the Illyrians, and then they tell me of any news within the Court.”

“And are you going to tell them I’m pregnant?”

Cassian paused his mixing to turn and look at her again. “I promised you I wouldn’t tell them.”

“And we’ve discussed how you sometimes break your promises,” Nesta said seriously.

“Well, I am not telling them.”

“Okay.”

“Is there anything you do want me to tell Feyre or Elain? Or if you want to write them a letter, I can give it to them?”

“No,” Nesta quickly answered. Cassian went back to making the batter.

“I’ll probably go visit the healer tomorrow for the monthly check-up,” Nesta added.

“Did you want me to go with you?” Cassian asked while pouring the batter into a pan on the stove. “I could move my meeting with Rhys -”

Nesta cut him off. “You don’t need to do that.”

He said he’d help her through this and wouldn’t let her feel alone. But...what did that all entail? Just providing her a place to stay? Should he do all the things a father would be expected to do?

“Are you sure?” he asked.

“I don’t need you there,” she said firmly.

Her “I don’t need you” stuck out in his brain, and it sent a jolt of pain through him.

She may have eaten lunch and dinner with him today...but maybe it was simply for the sake of not feeling alone. Not for actually wanting his company. He was still just a bastard after all. Perhaps she could only tolerate his presence for so long.

He wasn’t even sure why he cared so much...why he was hoping for more from her. Despite dreading spending the year in Illyria with her, he supposed he still yearned for the female who covered his body in front of the King of Hybern would return.

A likely foolish hope.

He flipped the pancake to cook the other side, losing himself in these thoughts as he waited for the pancake to be done. Once it was finished, he proceeded to make a few more pancakes, then brought Nesta a stack of them on a plate with some syrup. As soon as he sat them before her, she began to devour them.

Cassian sat back in his seat and finished his stew. They ate in silence, too busy eating their meals.

When they had finished, Nesta brought her dish and Cassian’s bowl to the sink to wash them.

“You don’t need to do that,” Cassian said.

“I need to do something,” she remarked as she turned the faucet on and picked up the sponge. “You made me two meals tonight.”

“You don’t need to worry about it.”

“I do,” she said as she started to scrub.

There was no use in fighting her. “Well, I’m going to head upstairs,” he stated as he got up from his seat. “Goodnight, Nesta.”

She continued to stand with her back facing him as she scrubbed. “Thank you...for both the food and the books,” she said gently.

“You’re welcome,” he replied with a small smile before leaving the kitchen to head up to his room.

________________________________________________________________

A/N: Thank you SO much for all the comments/likes! Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter too! The next chapter is SUPER LONG! And I'll be bringing on the drama :)

Hope you all have a wonderful week!

---> CHAPTER 4

[battlestar-royco]

You know what i hate: pol making meta post abt nesta in acofas pretending that sjm set this amazing storyline for her and that only smart sjm fandom veterans get it, that also not subtly demonize my girl and praises the inner circle jerk. Like? Wtf

Yeah, I find the discussion and fan reception concerning N/esta truly intriguing. I mean, I don’t really check out the stan posts about her on this website because ever since her introduction they have been mainly negative or mischaracterized. To begin with, N/esta is only interesting because SJ/M doesn’t favor her in the narrative, so she doesn’t get too many layers or plot points because she’s not the center of the story. I do genuinely enjoy her character, but as far as disagreeable fictional women go, I don’t think she’s as nuanced as a Hermione or an Inej or a Clarke Griffin. I also don’t think SJ/M had much of a clue about where to go with her character beyond the L/ucien plan–which was scrapped for the C/assian plan–and being turned into a fae, which has been followed by a lot of character disservice and inconsistency. Her powers are still unclear, her trauma hasn’t been explored with as much depth and respect as was given to Rice or Faerug, and her sex life in AC0FAS seems forced after her W&E proclamation that she’d rather not bother with men. I love the smell of compulsory heterosexuality in the morning. That said, SJ/M allows N/esta to have the flaws that many other characters simply don’t have in AC0TAR, and to me, that makes her infinitely more palatable and dynamic than the other leading ladies of AC0TAR. Faerug undergoes character development in AC0MAF, but it seems to stop there, and in an unrelatable place–with a mega-hot “feminist” boyfriend who drugged her and broke her arm, surrounded by friends with zero significant conflict, and in a perfect home/city that exudes wealth and privilege. For the life of me, I can’t come up with one flaw for M0r that doesn’t have lesbophobic implications, and E/lain’s character needs a lot more work in almost every regard. Rice has a redemption arc that has excused and retconned the past abuse from AC0TAR and the continued abuse/objectification throughout the rest of the series. Faerug has yet to be questioned or self-evaluated for bringing foreign oppressors into N/esta and E/lain’s home, sexually harassing L/ucien and invading his mind, causing a sentry to be whipped, commanding Tarquin in Summer, and politically demolishing Spring. So where does that leave us? With N/esta and L/ucien as the only characters who are actively atoning for the wrongs they have done others, and the IC as entitled, privileged, static, and boring. I’ll take N/esta over any of them any day.

[elentiya-ashryver-galathynius]

Nesta Archeron

Warning – there are major spoilers ahead

 So I saw a few post commenting on how horrible Rhys and Feyre acted towards Nesta in the sneak peek and I completely disagree. And thus my first lengthy rant about a fictional character.

First of all, I should say, that Nesta is an amazingly written character. She has her priorities (that being mostly Elain), and acts accordingly. She is stubborn, but can and did change her mind about many things. She seems fearless (not afraid of Amren, disregarding High Lords, freely stating her opinions and threatening everyone, and finally – fighting with the King of Hybern). But we learn, that that’s an act. She fears many things (e.g. she admits to Feyre, that she is afraid to go into a bathtub), just doesn’t let everyone around her know about that. Similar to Feyre, isn’t she? But Feyre learned to rely on those who love and care about her, and Nesta is somehow unable to.

So, Nesta is really well-written and beloved by many fans. I, however, have a bit of a problem with her. I really like her interactions with Cassian and Amren, but to the rest (except of course Elain and sometimes Feyre) she is really offensive practically all the time, or just plainly ignores them. And that behaviour really irks me and is what I don’t like about her. I get it, that she is meant to be that way, but irritates me nonetheless. And it’s not mainly about her behaviour, but about the fact, that she doesn’t really want to change. She focuses on herself and Elain and doesn’t see anything beside them. She was slowly starting to adjust to her new life and the Inner Circle in acowar, and then the fight with the king happened.

And so we have our new acofas Nesta, who has withdrawn herself so much, that she treats even Elain poorly. Her only link with the Inner Circle is Amren, but we learn in the sneak peek, that some argument happened between them and now even that link is broken. But I did jump ahead just a bit, so let me return to acofas.

Nesta has a really serious depression.

There was anger, occasionally. Sharp, hot anger that sliced her.

But most of the time it was silence.

Ringing, droning silence.

She hadn’t felt anything in months. Had days when she didn’t really know where she was or what she’d done. They passed swiftly and yet dripped by.

She drinks heavily and beds any male who comes her way to feel something, but also to forget what happened. She still has nightmares about her and Elain being turned and probably remembers beheading the King, but what haunts her the most is her father’s death.

But I tried—one last time. For Elain’s sake. “Father would want you to—”

“Don’t you finish that sentence.”

She could barely stand to hear the crack and pop of the wood. Had barely been able to endure it in Feyre’s town house. Snap; crunch.

How no one ever remarked that it sounded like breaking bones, like a snapping neck, she had no idea.

So she drowns in her misery, hating everyone who is happy. Even Elain. She did not state that she hates them, but her envy turns into an anger, and anger will eventually turn into hate. (who also thought of that star wars quote just now?)

“She just said … She said that we have our lives, and she has hers.”

To say that to me, fine. But to Elain?

She doesn’t even care that she hurts the one person she loves the most, in fact I think she wanted to hurt her. She is angry, that Elain joined the Inner Circle. It feels like a betrayal.

Nesta watched warily from her chair, Elain’s present—her only present—in her lap. Her spine stiffened slightly. Not at the words, but at Elain, laughing with them. With us.

And this is the main problem. Nesta is depressed and slowly wastes away. She is angry at everyone  - that they moving on and trying to be happy - and pushes them all away, but also hates the fact that she is slowly being included from everything. She is offered help many times from everyone, but refuses, because it’s easier to just be angry and blame others.

I think that her anger and pride are her undoing. When they were humans, Feyre took care of her and rest of the family. Nesta was allowed to be angry and prideful all the time and it didn’t have consequences. Feyre would never let them suffer and didn’t care that her efforts weren’t being gratified. She had a promise to keep and only three people she cared about.

But now everything changed. Now Feyre is responsible for many – humans and fae alike. Also she nearly lost everything dear and learned to treasure herself and her newfound happiness in the process. And that is the case for all in the Inner Circle. They want to help, but after constantly being pushed away they just give up and decide to give Nesta time (as Amren suggested). Selfish and comfortable? Absolutely, but remember that all of them have their own nightmares and losses. All of them are tired after the war and want some peace.

And remember how Nesta treats them. In acomaf she treats Feyre as a danger to Elain and her, insults all the fae and then ignores Rhys’ Inner Circle. In acowar she patronizes Mor for being friendly and for her choice of clothing, constantly threatens everyone who want anything from Elain, insults Cassian and mostly ignores Rhys and Azriel. To Feyre she gradually warms up, but still has her issues that we don’t know. In acofas she either ignores everyone, or is being a bitch to them.

So why would they want to help her desperately? They do try, mostly because Nesta’s behaviour pains Feyre, but then even Feyre and Elain give up. And also they all love Feyre and hate how Nesta treated her in the past and how she does now. Rhys said more than once, that he can’t forgive her, and I think Mor and Azriel think the same.

Now then, let’s talk about the sneak peek. We obviously don’t know much about what happened by the time of that scene taking place. Nesta had a serious argument with Amren, and thus nearly completely severed ties with the Inner Circle. She isn’t invited to events and included in their lives anymore (just like she said she wanted) and is extremely bitter about it. She notices, that in Feyre’s house there are paintings of everyone the painter holds dear – except her. Nesta goes to the meeting and she expects scolding (she mentions signing outrageous tab to her sister’s account), but she doesn’t care. She think that the High Lord and Lady are capable only of idle threats.

At the meeting Feyre tries to talk to her, but Nesta’s attitude pisses Rhys off and then she starts to fear. That is the part many people don’t like. But I think Rhys’ anger is completely reasonable. He hates when somebody treats Feyre like that, and this somebody happens to be her own sister. What infuriates him even more is the fact, that even after all this his mate still wants to help and is completely disregarded. He does not hurt Nesta, only commands her to sit and listen.

Then, Feyre tries to talk to her. Admits that her behaviour is partially her fault, because she wasn’t there for her. Tells her, that she understands how is she feeling, to which Nesta snaps. And that I understand, because she wouldn’t know. She wouldn’t know this, because Feyre never really shown any vulnerability, never broke down in front of her. She was always the strong one, always taking care of them all. Feyre told her sisters what happened UtM, but they never saw what Rhys and the rest of her friends did – how broken she was. And I think that it was worse than Nesta, because Feyre hated herself. Nesta blames everything on others and direct her hate to them. That’s why, while her current state feels miserable, she manages.

And I think, that Nesta should see Inner Circle’s memories of her sister. Not only because she should finally fucking apologize to Feyre and thank her for all she’s done, but also to know that even the strongest people have hard days, and that you can beat it. It takes time and care from your friends, but you can be happy again. But you have to fight for it.

Finally, the controversial decision of banishing Nesta from Velaris. I completely agree. And why? Because, when other methods fail, sometimes people have to kick you, for you to get up again. Everyone tried to be understanding and gave Nesta time. It didn’t work – even worsened the situation. So they had to resort to more drastic measures. Also, Nesta is addicted to drinking and sex. This does not help with her depression. The Illyrian War Camp, with its discipline and harsh conditions will clear her mind and whatever work she will do will push away unwanted thoughts. Additionally, she really needs to talk with Cassian, and there she will have nowhere to run.

To sum up:

Right now Nesta irritates me, mostly because of the fact, that even if you have your issues, no matter how serious they are, this does not entitle you to behave like a jerk. I think that Rhys’ anger was justified, and that Feyre’s decision will result in positive development. I believe, that Nesta should have her own (long) novel, where sjm explains why she is like that in the first place and to write her slowly changing and curing. I know, that all the nessian fans want mostly the mating bond and all, but I wholeheartedly wish for Nesta to make peace with Feyre and find her happiness before any romance.

[tntwme]

I haven’t even read more than 10 pages of acofas and i’m worried. everyone is saying it’s bad? that it’s horrible? what are your thoughts?

Hi nonnie!  In my opinion, it’s not bad or horrible.  Everyone had A LOT of expectations for this little novella, and as we all should know by now, expectations most usually lead us to disappointment.

With that being said, it was a LOVELY story.  I believe it helped define many of the characters more than we experienced in the first three novels.  All of the characters (literally, all of them, from the entire IC to Elain and Nesta, to Lucien and even Tamlin) are going through their own PTSD since the latest war.  (Remember, many of them have been through more than one traumatic event in their lives, some of them several recently.)  How they are reacting to this and working (or not working) through it is the main plot line of this novella for every character.  And I think SJM did a wonderful job of showing how REAL and DIVERSE these PTSD behaviors are.  I found it very enlightening and refreshing.  No character is perfect, we see flaws and mistakes and struggle.  We see the realness of dealing with life after trauma, and it’s never pretty.  But we also see the hope and effort for the better future, so it’s a wonderful story to read.

If you read a lot of fan fiction for this series, as I do, then you probably have a very well developed sense of how you see each and every character.  I’m sure many of the fans who are saying ACOFAS was “bad” have those characteristics very firmly entrenched in their minds, and so when reading in ACOFAS how the characters diverged from their pre-determined expectations, they were disappointed.  It can throw you for a loop; like thinking your cookie is chocolate chip and biting into a huge oatmeal raisin instead!  You may like oatmeal raisin as well, but it wasn’t what you were expecting so it disappointed you.

Go into it with an open mind.  Enjoy it.  You will learn more about these characters than we did in the first three novels, and you’ll appreciate the deeper sense of understanding each of them after reading it.

Come back and let me know your thoughts, nonnie!

[rayonfrozenwings]

WAITING IN THE FREEZING DARK: CHAPTER 15 - Bookshop

Spoiler Alert: Contains references to ACOFAS.

Authors Note: So it’s been a very long hiatus - again.... I tend to have a “writing season” it would seem.

A Nessian Fan Fiction: Characters all belong to Sarah J Maas and her book series A Court of Thorns and Roses. This Story takes place after ACOFAS. The story has Multiple POV’s, taking place in the Illyrian camp, Windhaven, Nesta and Cassian are living together at the behest of the high lord and lady of the night court.

Chapter 15 - Bookshop. Nesta works through her fear of the underground and tests out her gift.

Previous chapters are here: 1, 2, 3, 4 , 5 , 6 7  8, 9, 10, 11 , 12 , 13 , 14  and Masterlist here.

I have also put this on AO3: Series Link  :)

WC 2584

Nesta

The Market was beautiful, she couldn't deny it, they had been wandering for over an hour through the carved rooms, the fae lights inside the cavern were emitting a soft glow even on the paths people weren't using. Heat and flickering light also escaped from the various metal lanterns shining on the stalls. The silver, gold, and copper shapes lined the way: crescent moons, stars and other symbols from the night court etched into the metal. Smoky fragrances seeped from the cut-outs enticing shoppers closer to look at the trinkets, jewels and other night-court goods.

Nesta wondered if the Fae around her had other ways of capturing the attention of their shoppers, spells or tricks, there was a large group clustered around one stall but Nesta couldn’t see what was pulling them towards it - other than nosey people trying to see why there was a crowd in the first place.

After passing through the many halls of unique clothes, and jewels they had eventually reached the booksellers section. Walking into one, they talked about the exits and Cassian had made sure that the proprietor of the store kept an eye out; handing it a small bag before leaving. She was grateful that he had taken her concerns seriously and it was partly why she was feeling so safe and in control.  Cassian had left her alone, reading through a few books while he rushed off to complete what he needed to.

Nesta browsed the bookshelves, her fingers gliding over the worn covers. Broken spines and folded corners proving these books had been well read, and much loved favourites. In languages she couldn't read as well as a few in the common tongue she was used to. Finding three promising reads she left them with the large eyed creature near the front. Its claws clicked together as they moved over the covers, appraising what was chosen and softly placing them on the counter. Nesta inclined her head in thanks and decided to let her gift lead her towards her next find.

She hadn’t felt the need to test her powers in Windhaven everything seemed exactly as it should be, no glamours or shimmering people or places.

Here, in these walls, she couldn’t help herself, there were too many old things.  Too many forgotten things. Lost things, sitting here in this magical warren just waiting to be uncovered.

She could feel them calling to her.

Wanting to be found.

Letting her mind find items wasn’t as easy as people thought - At least not for her.

Nesta cleared her thoughts as well as she could, the noise behind her fading out, becoming unfocused, letting her gift take over. It was not something she liked to do - losing control, but it seemed to be the only way.

She had to let the power direct her.

Nesta started by sending out small tendrils of her gift to see what they came back with. They called to her, pulling her further into the caves like small children at their mothers skirts.

She kept checking back to see where the shop owner and the Exit was and each time she did, her power came to a standstill. Frustration overwhelmed her, yet - wandering off too far alone would not be a good idea. Turning back towards the darkness, black shapes and mist moving out of the corners of her eyes. Refocusing she looked towards the cool glow of the fae lights deep inside the cave, the gap in bookshelves began to narrow as she continued to walk forward one small step at a time.

She could feel something old, something hidden but what - she couldn't tell. The Darkness in the corners of the room was encroaching on her with each step.

Taking a deep breath, she opened her fists and placed one hand on the bookshelf beside her, fingers extended, letting her power read the space. Again she lost awareness of her surroundings as the tendrils moved along the shelves until her power stopped. Halted like a dog on a leash looking back at their owner for permission to carry on. Except when it looked back it realised something was wrong.

Nesta felt her power looking to the distance behind her.

Fear.

A cool breeze on her neck.

Her power rushed back into her. Ready to do whatever needed to be done. Anger infused her body, carried back to her by her gift. It radiated down her limbs ready to fight.

“You knew, I would find you.” it whispered.

Nesta was still emerging from her trance, she shouldn’t have done it. She should have waited for Cassian. Should have used her common sense, never have explored with her magic. This place asked her to know its secrets and she gladly took the temptation offered. Now there would be consequences.

“I’m glad you waited for me though.” it said with warmth and a hint of sarcasm.

Nesta knew that voice.

“Nesta?”

Concern.

"Nes?"

“I’m fine!” she said, inhaling a deep breath as she came back in control of her body. Reigning in her power before it did something she would regret.

“I should hope so.” Cassian looked at her, his deep brown eyes inquiring for more information, trying to put together a puzzle with missing pieces. She could see him give up as he rubbed her shoulder, the pressure feeling amazing on her tired limbs.

“I just became light headed, tired, thinking about what to look for next. No problems then?” she asked changing the subject.

“Not this time.”

He walked along behind her as she continued to browse. The narrow path between the stacks forcing his wings in tight.

“Right now I would give anything for smaller wings.”

Nesta snorted, “be careful what you wish for, that might be reflected elsewhere” she said through laughter “Are you sure that's a risk your willing to take.”

“You tell me?” he asked, the laughter clear in his voice.

Then in a philosophical tone he asked “Does it matter? When I look like this?” she turned and saw him holding up one flexed arm, eyebrow raised in her direction, looking like some virility statue. He began to move his hips in a circular motion “and move like this?”  

Nesta laughed, “I guess I’d have to find out? Maybe I should be conducting my own tests, lots of illyrians in Windhaven at the moment.”

Cassian grunted.

"Fuck!" he swore as his wing caught on another bookshelf.

She laughed.

“I guess you do need to sample smaller wingspans - to understand how rare a wingspan of mine is. Or you could trust that I'm telling the truth.” he teased.

“Maybe I should borrow Mor’s Veritas.” Nesta suggested. "Anyway aren't Azriel's bigger?"

She stopped and tried to decide if she should keep moving.

He had gone quiet and Nesta wasn’t sure if it was because she mentioned Mor or the orb of truth or he didn't want to try and boast that his wingspan was bigger than Azriel's when the orb of truth was in play as a possible solution to the years of bickering.

“What’s down here?” he asked. "And - by the way- Azriel manages to sneak around an awful lot. He wouldn't be catching his wings in here, make of that what you will!" he tried to throw his arms wide for emphasis but the bookshelves got in the way.

She bit her lip and held her tongue in regards to Azriel.

“I’m not sure what's down here exactly, I’m following my instincts.” She threw the words over her shoulder at him and then continued walking.

The shadows seemed to stay back but Nesta had the distinct feeling that she was being watched.

Cassian followed along behind her, staying quiet and watching out for trouble, looking down each aisle they passed. Maybe he felt the presence watching as well. He would have a better idea of the sorts of creatures in these mountains than her.

“Maybe we should head back to the lake.” Cassian said

They had walked through book stack after book stack, the scrolls lining the shelves turning brown with age. Mostly paper but several were made of skin and bone - hopefully animal. One had a decidedly blue tone to it however, so it was not an animal Nesta knew of. She still hadn't found what was calling to her blood earlier, just using her eyes seemed to make the whole process feel futile - she would never find it.

“I just,” she sighed and turned to face him. “I want to try something - I’m going to use my powers, can you...” she took a breath again looking around, “Can you keep an eye out - I can sense something down here.”

She could feel his eyes move over her, assessing. Appraising her posture, from her legs to the set of her shoulders like the commander he was. Judging his soldier. Checking she was prepared. He never looked at her like this - maybe with mischief, pain, fear or love but not a frank assessment of her abilities.

He stood straighter before leaning to the side lifting his muscled leg to check a blade was still tightly strapped without looking down. Next he flexed his hands, red siphons glinting as they caught the light.

“Sure thing Nes.”

----

Cassian

Cassian twitched his wings as she turned around in front of him. His warrior, his love leading the way. He watched her carefully taking note as she used her magic, her slender arm moved out in front of her.

He wanted to go first - to jump in front of her and protect her but he knew she needed to be in charge - he was there for support. Backup.

This was not how he expected their date to go. Romantic book shopping - yes, exploring the cave system looking for danger - no. He was meant to be keeping Nesta safe - What would Rhys say? What would Feyre say? Feyre was most definitely scarier than Rhys in this situation. Rhys wouldn't' mind too much if Nesta wandered off never to be seen again, but Feyre would never forgive him.

A strange feeling came over him, a sense of being surrounded by mist, damp air filled his lungs and he struggled to look into the gloom ahead. His siphons flared slightly reacting to Cassian’s own unease. This feeling was familiar but he could not place it. The mist opened and he felt the pull of magic in a clear direction ahead of them. Nesta began walking again.

She moved silently, standing just as she had been when he had snuck up on her before - was this what she was doing?

The shelves stopped and there were a few seats arranged around a small table in the final room of the book merchant’s store, a place to read if anyone came this far back. Cassian looked around. Four doors were in the square room, one they had just entered through, and one door on each of the other three sides. All pathways seemed dark to him, this was not a part of the Market they should be exploring.

Nesta moved ahead of him, her hand moving like a divining rod - back and forth across the space until she felt something.

Walking over to the back of the room she peered into the doorway. Cassian followed and saw a dark corridor that turned away and down into the earth. No fae lights, bare walls, a tunnel that could lead straight into the heart of the mountain.

“Cassian,” she put her arm behind her and he took her hand “should I keep going? I think it wants me to go further inside, but I don't know if I can.”

Cassian enveloped her in a hug from behind and whispered, “Nes, if you don’t want to, we don’t have to, and if you do i’ll go with you. Always. We go together.”

The words caught in her throat and she whispered “We go together.”

The mist in the room seemed to fade and Cassian’s senses instantly improved.

“Well. No more magic?” he asked.

“Not for now - I don’t think I should let myself be pulled too far in, i’m unaware.” she whispered and looked around. They were alone but Nesta seemed on edge. Like someone else was listening.

“What do you mean? unaware?” he asked quietly.

“Sometimes, in order to access my magic I need to go into a trance and I take a while to react - I don’t like it. That’s all.” her chin tilted up, the silver in her eyes flashed. Ready to move on.

“How often do you use it? I’ve never really been around to see it.” he asked, hoping to understand - hoping she hadn't closed down. Hoping to ease some of her burden. No one except Amren had any idea what Nesta could do and neither of them were giving it away.

“It's an evolving process.” she said

Cassian rubbed his thumb over her fingers - he could not seem to get enough of her. Ever since flying with her here, her body curled in tight to his chest, the rhythm of her breathing against him. Spending so many peaceful moments together, he just wanted to hold her hand and hug her and talk to her and maybe later sleep in the same bed. It didn't seem too much to ask. They still had so many things to discuss but just living in this moment was all he wanted. No expectations.

“We’re staying the night - I found a room, so we can always come back and explore tomorrow.” he threw out the offer. They didn’t have to follow her magic, they didn’t have to learn anything - they could just ignore it and enjoy each other. Even if it was just one night of peace before returning home.  

Nesta looked away from him and at their hands, her teeth worrying at her lip, deep in thought.

Maybe he shouldn’t have mentioned a room. Could he take it back? Perhaps taking it back and saying he got a suite would be better. Maybe he should offer to sleep on the floor. Cassian knew that wasn’t going to happen. His wings were already becoming heavy, the exhaustion from flying all day catching up to him. He had spent a lot of money on one of the nicest apartments near the top of the cave complex and he was going to sleep with his wings spread out as far as they could on that bed tonight. He just hoped that Nesta would be next to him.

“Okay, lets go get those books and head to our room.” Nesta said as she let go of his hand and led the way back out.

Cassian turned and looked toward the dark corridor one last time - a lot brighter than it had been only moments ago, and no mist to be seen. He shuddered involuntarily as a cold breeze swept up and out of it reminding him of another place he often felt like this. It was never wise to go searching in the dark places of the Night Court without a plan, but especially not at night. Tomorrow was a new day.

He followed Nesta out. Cassian felt the dread leave his body with each step and a grin grew as he watched her walk away.

“Stop it!” she chastised him without turning around.

Her pace increased, hips moving from side to side down the narrow tunnel of bookshelves.

“Stop what, I’m not doing anything?” he called back laughing.

---

[rayonfrozenwings]

WAITING IN THE FREEZING DARK: CHAPTER 16 - The Little Things

Spoiler Alert: Contains references to ACOFAS.

Authors Note: Upcoming chapters contain sexual references and explicit language. 

A Nessian Fan Fiction: Characters all belong to Sarah J Maas and her book series A Court of Thorns and Roses. This Story takes place after ACOFAS. The story has Multiple POV’s, taking place in the Illyrian camp, Windhaven, Nesta and Cassian are living together at the behest of the high lord and lady of the night court.

Chapter 16 - The Little Things. Nesta and Cassian get comfortable. 

Previous chapters are here: 1, 2, 3, 4 , 5 , 6 7  8, 9, 10, 11 , 12 , 13 , 14 , 15  and Masterlist here.

I have also put this on AO3: Series Link  :)

WC 2151

Nesta

 Silver whorls and patterns decorated the imposing metal doors in front of them, dominating the corridor that had led them here. Cassian turned the keys; opening the suite he had procured earlier. Leading the way he placed their purchases and bags on a hall table nearby. 

Looking around Nesta quickly made note of where everything was, turning in a clockwise direction. She could see it had an open plan kitchen with a glittering island bench with stools underneath and next to the kitchen cabinetry was a nondescript door to another room. 

Her gaze continued to assess her surroundings - just like the house of wind a massive window was carved out of the rock and the balcony overlooked the conifers below. The lounge space was laid out in front of the windows to face the view. This place - while not large - could be used for entertaining, the sofas were big enough to seat several warrior sized illyrians and if need be - slept on. Off to the other side of the room was a single door, open and leading into a bathroom. Having full scope of the room she could tell that the simple door next to the kitchen must be the bedroom. One bedroom. 

The Room was beautiful and much more than she expected. An abrupt reminder that Rhys paid his staff well. Paid Cassian well; her shoulders bristled at the thought that his influence had reached even this isolated location. A reminder that while she lived in the Night Court and with one of his inner circle she would never be truly free to live her life.

Cassian had said the caves were made by fae, mining riches from these mountains. But this apartment was for someone of importance. No clues as to who, its walls bare from art. No trinkets adorned this room for rent. Long ago this suite was set up to be used by whoever had the money to pay for such luxury - not the miners themselves. She had seen the homes of previous inhabitants in the caves below. Some occupied and others abandoned. It reminded her a lot of the cottage she had spent so much time in.

Her hands moved across the cold polished wall, an art piece in itself, the speckles of colour from the gems providing an indoor interpretation of the night sky. It was in stark contrast to downstairs where the walls were rough and whole gems protruded. Same mountain - different outcome. 

She peaked into the bathroom, it even had indoor plumbing with a little room to relieve oneself and carved into the white rock were basins and benches - adorned with candles, towels and any other supplies they might require. Nesta didn’t want to inquire too deeply about where the water went afterwards but Cassian did tell her that the drinking water was not connected to the wastewater - which was a question she didn't realise needed answering, until he had said something. 

Silently she walked to the window, looking down, fires and lights from the many groups of gathered Fae spread across the forest floor. The Market was still alive even this late into the evening, thrumming music drifting up from the forest into the room, a primal beat moving through her bones, calling to some unknown part of her. 

Nesta watched Cassian tidy away their things, placing bags in the bedroom, pouring himself a glass of water and then heading to the bathroom to clean himself up, she supposed she should be doing the same - preparing for bed, but she hadn’t brought many extra items. 

Knowing Cassian and knowing that their relationship was tentative at best -  she planned for the worst - if she was sleeping in a tent and she would need her clothes for extra warmth. Having a heated cave apartment with more space than their house in Windhaven was not expected at all. 

In fact - this whole trip was quite unexpected, she couldn’t believe that a switch flicked and they were in a different place. Was taking that step towards him enough? Was it that easy?

She had avoided him since falling asleep on him at home. She didn't want him to know how much she missed him and how she actually liked his company. She hadn’t meant to show him such vulnerability but it was often difficult erecting walls once they started to fall. She took a deep breath, attempting to organise her thoughts.

She knew how he felt about her. 

She knew he loved her - at first, he said it to make her mad. The phrase met with her icy glares or a middle finger. She just wasn’t sure what that love meant. Was it “I'm never going to let you go ” love? or “I’m here if you need me” love? or “I want to take you right here right now and we’ll deal with the consequences later ” love?

Somehow she knew that it wasn’t just going to be one type of love. Not after what they had been through to get here. But did she even want to be here. Nesta ran her hands through her hair, twisting the ends in her fingers.

She turned to the window again, looking out into the night searching for answers. What did she want? 

She knew what she didn’t want. She didn’t want to be with Cassian because she was meant to be . 

She would decide her own fate - no one else. 

Fuck the mother or the cauldron - they weren’t hers to worship. 

She was not going to do what was expected. If she wanted to sleep with him she would, she could not deny that the big illyrian brute had muscles that flexed in all the right ways and that his hands felt like home when he held her in his arms. When he reassured her by simply touching her hand. When he looked at her with his hazel eyes from across the room like he was stalking prey. Sometimes she just wanted to melt right into him. 

And yet… Other times, he made her want to burn the world down. Rage against him - against the orders he was following. 

Hate him, destroy him or claw his clothes off and claim him. There never seemed to be an inbetween, well, not until Windhaven. Not until she felt like fate had retreated from this choice she was supposed to make and let her live. 

“I’m all done in there if you wanted it.” Cassian said.

Nesta pulled herself out of her thoughts and switched her view. Cassian flipped his dripping hair over his head to dry it, wings flexing out to offer him balance, quickly pulling back in as he stood straight. Those wings were huge. He wasn’t lying about that. His golden brown arms flexing as he roughly dried the rest of his chest. She wasn’t sure whether to be glad or not that he was wearing a second towel around his waist. Nesta could feel the blush moving up her chest and shoulders settling in her cheeks.

She swallowed, looked down at her hands, brushing them along her illyrian leathers and said, 

“I’ll just freshen up, I didn't bring extra clothes to sleep in so I guess I’m sleeping in leather tonight.” 

“Not planning to go commando?” Cassian asked, his eyes twinkling with mischief, towel moving along his illyrian tattoos and down each arm. He definitely knew what he was doing to her and that she couldn’t help her reaction to him - not when he looked like this. The brute was handsome; she’d give him that.

“Actually, I thought we were going to be sleeping outside on the floor and I didn't want to ruin my nightdress.” she threw back. 

“Couldn’t do that to you sweetheart.” he walked past her, hands ruffling his hair, pulling out the tangles and he went straight to the bedroom door. 

“By the way,” he called, “I’m taking the bed, you are most welcome to join me - but there is always the couch.” he pointed and laughed as he went inside the room. 

  Nesta looked up to the ceiling, entreating to a high power - please don’t let me kill him in his sleep. Or even worse right now - sleep with him. She wasn’t sure she wanted the consequences. She sighed and went into the bathroom.

Upon entering Nesta saw a bundle wrapped in a towel and a small note with her name on it. Unfolding the paper carefully she saw Cassian’s script beneath, 

Thought you could use something since you packed light.

Eyebrow raised, Nesta opened the present folding back the impromptu gift wrapping of the towel - the towel she needed to use because it was the only one left in the room. 

Inside she found a beautiful long silk shift, the kind that could be considered romantic. 

The kind that could be considered modest for its length yet enticing for the fragile straps that would emphasise the dip along her collarbone. 

The kind that Nesta would buy herself if she had the inclination. 

The silver shimmery fabric fell to the floor as she lifted it to feel the fabric. So wonderfully soft. 

He knew her. He knew what she liked.

Nesta quickly washed herself and changed into the comfortable night dress that was quickly becoming her favourite thing about this trip. She just hoped she wouldn’t need her leathers.

 --

 She stood in the doorway like a goddess. Standing to her full height chin raised ready for battle. Her silver rimmed blue-grey eyes bore a hole into her opponent. He smiled at her. Her golden-brown hair cascading down in soft curls - recently removed from her braided coronet. Elegant limbs were emphasised by her shimmery nightgown, hugging her hips and legs, bare arms pale in the moonlight like some river goddess emerging from the shallows. 

 “I just want you to know, I’m not coming to your bed because you bought me with gifts?”

“You’re not?” Cassian asked with all the innocence he could muster. His hazel eyes - full of mischief looking straight back into Nesta’s own.

“I’m not, there is no way I am sleeping on that couch. The nightgown just means you don’t have to sleep next to someone wearing leather.”

“Maybe wearing leather to bed is also not something I would say no to?” a smile tugged at the corner of his mouth and as much as he tried to hide his dimples they gave away his thoughts. 

Nesta huffed and walked to the end of the bed - hand on hips. 

Cassian had already taken over the whole bed, wings spread behind him from one side of the bed to the other.

“What side do you prefer?” she asked, tone emotionless. 

She was determined, sharing such a large bed would not be a problem.

“The top side.”

“Cassian.” she let out his name on a sigh trying to hide the exasperated smile.

“Yes sweetheart,” he paused, “I will say - this is a massive bed and there is plenty of room.” He spread his arms out on each side of his body emphasising his point. Implying that he had no intention of moving from the centre of the bed. 

“What side?” she said through gritted teeth.

He laughed and then threw up his hands before folding them across his chest. His bare chest. His flexed arms bare above the covers. What was he wearing underneath?

“Aww come on, ya love me really.” he wiggled an eyebrow at her, clearly enjoying himself. 

“That is yet to be determined. What side?” Her eyes flashed again in irritation. 

“I really don’t mind - I haven’t had to think about a side my whole life Nesta, that’s over 500 years of a bed all to myself.”

“500 years - no wonder you’re cranky.” She threw a stare back at him and he just smiled back. Back to their bickering - a duel already occurring. 

They just couldn’t help themselves.

Her posture changed, eyes sparkling and chin tilted up - she lifted the length of her nightgown on one side, an idea coming to her.

Nesta climbed up over the end of the bed, making her way across the covers, arms and legs stradling Cassian’s body as she crawled along. She could feel the hard lines of his thigh between her own, the corded muscles felt hard through the fabric brushing up against her inner thigh. Cassian sucked in a quick breath. 

She lay down on top of him, nuzzling her face into his chest.

Cassian cleared his throat.

Waiting for her to look up at him. 

“I have to say this was not what I expected.” he whispered to her, her hair spreading across his bare chest.

“Did you not realise the other day that I like to be on top too.” she mumbled back.

Cassian laughed and wrapped his arms around her, “As long as you’re comfortable Nes.”

“Mmmm hmmm,” her breathing slowed.

“Wait, Nes, seriously?” he asked. “Seriously!”

[rayonfrozenwings]

WAITING IN THE FREEZING DARK: CHAPTER 13 - The Market

Spoiler Alert: Contains references to ACOFAS.

Authors Note: So it’s been a very long hiatus - again.... I tend to have a “writing season” it would seem. 

A Nessian Fan Fiction: Characters all belong to Sarah J Maas and her book series A Court of Thorns and Roses. This Story takes place after ACOFAS. The story has Multiple POV’s, taking place in the Illyrian camp, Windhaven, Nesta and Cassian are living together at the behest of the high lord and lady of the night court.

Chapter 13 - The Market. After Nesta took the emotional plunge, awkwardness has returned between herself and Cassian. Cassian tries to find a way to fix the it by taking Nesta somewhere special.

Previous chapters are here: 1, 2, 3, 4 , 5 , 6 7  8, 9, 10, 11 , 12  and Masterlist here.

I have also put this on AO3: Series Link  :)

WC 2146

Nesta

Gloved fingers held her book open as she wandered down the gravel path, trees casting dappled shadows on her pages and the birds swooping down low to get a better look at what she was reading.

“You are worse than Cassian” she called back to the birds who continued to stalk her.

She knew they weren’t birds, but she hadn't asked anyone what sort of Fae they were or if she should be wary. It was easier to ignore her surroundings than understand the constant danger she was in, walking from one end of WindHaven to the other. She also liked to think of them as friends, just trying to see what she was up to.

… and he stretched out an arm, grasping for her as she…

A larger shadow passed overhead and Nesta looked up. Nothing caught her attention but she closed her book nonetheless. The bird-featured creatures continued to twitter in the trees and she knew that whatever cast the shadow either hadn’t spotted her or was harmless since it had not sent her feathered friends into hiding.

“Hey.” Cassian called from the trees ahead.

“Hi” Nesta replied.

In the last few days she had been avoiding him when she could. She wasn’t sure how to move on from their moment and now he was here, just waiting on the path, just saying “Hey” like it was no big deal. Like she hadn’t been sent into a whirlwind of confusion.

“So, What brings you to my neck of the woods?” she said gesturing to the trees all around them.

“Just wondering if you wanted to head to a market?” He pulled away from the tree he was leaning into and matched her pace.

Nesta continued to walk straight ahead, placing the book in her satchel as she went,

“what makes you think I don’t have plans?”

Cassian looked down at their matching well-worn boots, a dimple appearing as a smile crept across his face,

“Well this particular market has an assortment of books and clothes and jewellery and other things that you might happen to appreciate.”

His head bowed, hands in pockets and that cheeky grin had Nesta wondering what he had planned, Her eyes narrowed - Cassian was notorious for surprising her. Sometimes good, sometimes, definitely not.

“I see.” She gave him a bland smile, eyebrow slightly arching. “Alright. Where is this market?”

“Ah well, it's not in Windhaven.”

“Of Course not, that would be too easy.”

“But it isn't far.”

“Everywhere is far from Windhaven.”

“I mean, it isn't far for a quick flight.” and he turned those dimples to face her again.

Nesta let out a sigh, she knew she was going to say yes. She knew as soon as he mentioned books. He knew exactly what she liked.

“Is it today?” she didn't have much planned and it would actually be a nice distraction from her episode and avoidance of Emerie.

“Yeah, it's an evening Market, so we should be able to fly there, do some browsing, have some food - they have the best food because the vendor stalls there have been handed down from generation to generation, it's a really old Market. Oh and then do some more browsing?... Nesta?”

Nesta had become distracted as soon as Cassian had said it was a night market. She hadn’t been to a Night Market in Prythian. Velaris  - sure - but the city always felt like it was wide awake, the illyrian mountains had a totally different vibe - you did not want to be out too late after dark. Was it like Calanmai? The stories she had heard were disturbing and being dragged into a cave for some ritual wasn't her idea of fun. Was it like the market near home where anyone could come and go - swindling an innocent girl who didn’t know the customs?

“Nesta?” Cassian stepped in front of her, concern on his face. “We don’t have to go? I’m happy sitting on the couch next to you reading a book.”

Nesta looked up at him, her worries fading away as she looked into his warm brown eyes and the concern for her she saw there.

“We can go, just please tell me it's not as long as a flight to Velaris. I will bring back at least three books - no matter the weight.” Her finger raised to poke his chest on the last point.

“Fine, Three books, any extra books we can arrange to come back home later. I am not a pack horse.”

Nesta grinned then. Cassian wrapped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her close to him as they walked. The bird-creatures overhead losing interest in them completely.

---

“Are we there yet?” Nesta called up to Cassian, she knew that the flight was more awkward for him having someone in his arms but she was becoming very aware of the chill as the sun began to set.

“Nearly, it's over the next ridgeline.”

Nesta looked in the direction they were flying, it appeared they were getting very close to the coast, the trees were thick on the mountains below, the sky turning from azure in front of her to a deep purple behind with all the colours in between in the evening light.

“It's a beautiful location,” Nesta said, hoping to get more out of him.

“We’re not there yet, and anyway - it's alleyways could be full of mud and animals - you don't know.” He said with a grin and she really hoped it wasn't the case, she had hoped there might be somewhere to stay and sleeping with the pigs was not ideal.

They caught a thermal and glided over the ridge, below Nesta could see a clearing with a lake, glistening and perfectly reflecting the sky. The cliff below them poured light forth and the trees glowed with warm light, drawing her attention to the thick forest below.

“Is this it?” she asked quietly.

Cassian began his descent towards the lake.

“They like to be approached from the lake, so we will land there and then make our way up into the Market.”

She nodded into his chest and peeked at the cliff as Cassian turned to land. The closer they got the more she realised this was like nothing she had seen before.

Cassian’s feet reached the ground and Nesta quickly swung her feet around and tried to regain control of the traitorous limbs that appeared to have fallen asleep on her.

“Do you need me to carry you to somewhere you can sit down?” Cassian asked

“I’m perfectly fine, just give me a minute.”

They walked a little way along the lake edge, logs appeared to have been placed in the earth as a type of boardwalk next to the reeds and protecting the many lesser fae from the mud.

“So who runs the Market?” Nesta asked as iridescent wings made of night court jewels flew past her face.

“Not sure if it's one person Nes," he threw her a cheeky grin, "and it's always been here.” Cassian focused on leading as the logs seemed to pull them into the trees and up a slope.

“Always? How do people survive? It can’t always be here? These mountains don’t see many tourists.” Nesta was not like her sister - things had to make sense, even faerie markets.

“Well, it's not always Here, but it has always been here.” he said, pointing to the ground first and then spreading his hands all around. “Come, I have something I want to show you.” he said.

Held out his hand.

Nesta took it.

She quite liked holding his hand, it was like the arm around her shoulder but for some reason this time it felt more like they were partners in crime rather than Cassian reassuring her. A distinction she liked to make in her mind. The faeries around her moved with purpose heading exactly where they needed to go, making Nesta wonder - were they sent a map or did they have some way of tracking the stall they needed. Cassian continued to set a fast pace beside her on the half buried logs and she stayed quiet as she tried to piece together how this Market and her Commander fit. Was he here just for her or for something else too?

“So how did you know the market was on?” Nesta asked

“Ah, well it's always on - but at this time of year it happens to be in these hills.” He looked up at the windows of light and then back to her. “You see - it moves around the Night Court during the year. All the locations have been the same since it first started, so they have made each one a destination in itself. This location is my favourite.”

Nesta absorbed that information and tried to think of what she should ask first.

After much deliberation she asked quietly,

“Why is it your favourite?” the soft glow mixed with the encroaching darkness making her take a step towards intimacy she wasn't sure she was ready for again but made anyway.

He continued walking up the steps that had emerged from the path as they made it to one of the entrances in the cliff face. Turning to look at her he pulled her hand to his lips and brushed a kiss across her knuckles. “Many reasons but mostly because I get to be me without any expectation here, this place has its own rules and because they have things you cannot get anywhere else”.

Nesta looked deep into his eyes and nodded, words caught in her throat.

They made their way through the archway and Nesta could see the arches and domes in the ceiling cut out of the rock, precious gems breaking away from the white granite walls. The entrance felt like the earth was alive and she was inviting them into her embrace - warm, solid and trapped.

“How, wait, Wait!” Nesta stopped in the entry Hall and looked ahead to the crowds along the corridor, the market appeared to be made of many connecting rooms, each holding a different stall owner and their wares. The walls were carved from the rock and small door shapes in the wall allowed the lesser-fae to move freely along. She couldn’t see any illyrians but perhaps they didn't frequent the clothing stalls that appeared to be along the front of the Cave complex.

“Where are we going?” Nesta asked firmly, feet rooted below her.

Cassian was pulled by her hand which he continued to hold, and picked up the other one. They stood there holding hands. Fae and other creatures moved around them like waves around rocks along the shoreline.

“I have a surprise for you.” he said with earnestness.

“I don’t know if I can go in there, it's a lot of rock, last time…” she looked down at their hands and let out a deep breath, “last time… bryaxis… and…. “ Nesta avoided his eyes and looked off towards the humming wings and chatter of languages different to her own, bouncing off the cavern walls. Movement, light, not still - not like before. She whispered “I haven’t been back underground that far.” she ran her thumb over his fingers, her voice small emphasising her collapsing shoulders under the weight of feelings she didn’t want.

“I see” he replied as if he himself had blocked out the memory.

“I know that it's not rational, I just, maybe, I just need to know how to get out. What if I go now and meet up with you later?” she looked up at him then, hoping her solution wouldn’t hurt his feelings.

He continued to rub his thumb over hers, looking at their hands and avoiding her gaze,

“I love you Nes,” he whispered, “please don’t go. We can do this together.”

In a barely audible whisper she said “I can’t go in there, not yet.”

“But this might be the only time for a long time,” it was then he looked down into her eyes, The ice blue pools lined with silver, the fear in them, that otherness. Cassian pulled her into his arms and held her, kissing the hair on her head. Nesta could feel his breath on her neck and his wings wrapping around them both, removing the rest of the world from the moment. Peace and a wave of calm came over Nesta eradicating the fear that was there a moment ago.

“Cassian.” She took a deep breath, “Tell me about the Market, lets get some food first and then you will tell me about everything. Let me see if I can rationalise my way inside?” Nesta released the words on a quiet breath and Cassian hugged her tighter.

“Okay food first. We have to head back towards the lake.” he unwrapped his wings and kissed her hand.

“I love you, you know.”

“I know.”

__

Authors Note: This was inspired by a prompt from Tumblr. Ever since the release of the title A Court of Silver Flames, I have had an idea for where I want to take this story that is slightly different from the original plan I had in mind. Hopefully this leads into that. As always - motivation varies, so If I end up having another long hiatus from writing - I apologise now! But I'm already writing the next chapter.

[rayonfrozenwings]

WAITING IN THE FREEZING DARK: CHAPTER 14 - Home Cooking

Spoiler Alert: Contains references to ACOFAS.

Authors Note: Apologies for quick succession. It’s writing season apparently.

A Nessian Fan Fiction: Characters all belong to Sarah J Maas and her book series A Court of Thorns and Roses. This Story takes place after ACOFAS. The story has Multiple POV’s, taking place in the Illyrian camp, Windhaven, Nesta and Cassian are living together at the behest of the high lord and lady of the night court.

Chapter 14 - Home Cooking. Nesta and Cassian are at the Market deciding their next course of action.

Previous chapters are here: 1, 2, 3, 4 , 5 , 6 7  8, 9, 10, 11 , 12 , 13 and Masterlist here.

I have also put this on AO3: Series Link  :)

WC 1913

Nesta The walk around the lake felt more peaceful than Nesta thought possible, fireflies flew through whistling reeds and up around the various fae and night court creatures. Twinkling in the night, drawing Nesta’s attention to the many delicacies laid out on blankets in the tree lined space before the clearing. Beautiful faeries of all types clustered around the blankets, or at least what looked like blankets - the one closest was made of frosted silver leaves and yellow flowers, noticeably different from the surrounding greenery and moss.

Nesta continued to assess, taking in all around her.

The majority of the groups looked like families traveling together and others looked like romantic pairings, cuddling close and sharing food. Amazing how this place can exist in such isolation from everything else she had experienced in the night court. Fires and stalls filled the clearing and behind them, under the canopy of the trees she could see caravans and tents all set up to house the people running the market.

The very busy market - fairies of all types moving about to get something to their taste. Mole like creatures with large eyes and claws, small balls of fluff with long twig like limbs, and more humanoid Fae with wings, scales and all manners of colours moved about the space. It was busier near the food than it had been inside the cavern.

Cassian had been gone for a while now and she hoped he could see her among the crowd. Nesta shouldn’t have worried, he leaped over a small child - legs kicking up to the side while still holding the food. The child continued on oblivious to his near crash, chasing a possibly older sibling through the chaos. Cassian turned his grinning face her way, clearly glad that she saw his feat of agility and gesturing to an unoccupied place to sit with his full hands.

“That was close.” he said, handing her something that instantly reminded her of Elain. The smell of bread wafted up from the parcel and Nesta was overcome with homesickness. Opening it up she took a large bite and then another one. Savouring it as much of the dish as she could, letting the flavours move over her tongue. She closed her eyes and let the happy memories of her sisters drown her, all three at peace, before pulling everything back inside as she opened her eyes again - locking the thoughts away behind the blue glass.

A deep breath.

“So, they are nomads?” Nesta said through another bite of her delicious saucy bread dish.

Cassian used his own bread to wipe some sauce from her cheek as they walked. It hadn’t quite made it inside her mouth.

She gave him a wan smile and then said “Thanks.”

“You are most welcome,” he popped the bread into his mouth, “I think your red sauce is better than my green one.” he ripped another piece of his bread and dipped it into her dish and ate it. “Oh yeah, much better, definitely getting the red one next time.”

Nesta let out a sigh, “Nomads?” she asked again.

“Yeah, kind of. Not all of them go to every market, each market location has a kind of guardian group that stays all year round to mind the place, and then the rest move around. I’ve never really thought about it, it's just always been this way. But nomads might be the best way to describe it.”

“Does everyone know about the Market?” she looked towards the mainly lesser fae, they were so different from the High Fae, so different from humans, even from the illyrians, it was easy to forget how diverse Prythian was when you were cloistered away.

“Most people in the Night Court do, it is frequented by Lesser Fae more than High Fae but that's part of the reason it's stayed this way. No High Fae to tell them what to do. Plus Velaris has its own market and I'm sure the Court of Nightmares does as well - though I can't say I have been."

"Illyrians prefer trading posts - less illyrians all in one place…you know," he made a face "- because brawls are bad for business.” he rolled his eyes like he didn't believe it and carried on, “Since the Market keeps all his subjects happy Rhys hasn’t really worried about it. He sends Mor, Azriel or I around every so often to make sure everyone is happy, no shady stuff going on, no rebellions, but it runs pretty well without interference.”

“So why are we at this particular one?” she asked.

“Ah, well I was meant to check up on it before it moved on - so yes, an element of work but I could have asked Mor if I didn't want to come. I actually wanted to get you a book, wanted to get you out of that house, spend some time with you...” his voice trailing off near the end.

“You know - I have books.” she said, avoiding the topic of spending time together, there was no need to label what they had and she was just getting used to the idea that he wasn’t always a pain in her ass.

“Yes, But I - wanted to get you a book.”

Nesta looked at Cassian as he finished off his food, using the last of the bread to mop up his green sauce.

“What sort of book?” she asked, trying to think of all the special types of books they might find. Did he actually have something in mind, was he not telling her something.

“A history book or a romance book, or a magic book, or a book about the mountains…. I wasn't really sure, I just knew that this was the best collection of books in the night court except the ones kept by Rhys.” He pulled a cloth out of his satchel and wiped his hands offering it to Nesta to do the same while they continued to watch faeries move about.

“You mentioned there were other things at the Market, different things. Different locations - different merchandise… that’s what you said, so what’s this one's speciality?”

“Did you notice the walls?” he looked up to the caverns through the trees behind them, the light filtering through.

“I did.”

Cassian turned into a storyteller.

“Well, for starters - The Night Court is known for its jewells, this used to be a mining location. You will see, the further back into the caves we get, the more jewels have been left there sticking out of the walls - some too big to remove. The caves go back a long way. The High-Lord at the time was searching for something, no one really knows what, but it led to this incredible network of caves, caves that were made into homes for the workers, who then sold the gems that the High-Lord did not want. The High Lord got bored - they basically ran the operation for years with the explicit understanding that if they found what he wanted they had to give it up. I don’t think anyone even knows what he wanted anymore. So now those caves are filled with books, antiquities, jewellery, and other things that people bring to the market to sell.”

Cassian lowered his voice to a whisper and moved closer.

“The group that stays here - the guardians, they look after the books, but deeper inside, behind the book stalls and the scrolls and their homes are rumours of some hidden caverns with rare magical goods.” Cassian looked around before continuing a little quieter again, “Some say there is a myth that the tunnels were occupied by witches at one point, and that the items in the back are being protected because they belonged to them but I happen to know that the odd item has been sold over the years, so I think the Myth just helps to drive up the prices. Someone very crafty knew how to sell their merchandise.” He let out a big laugh, “These days, you just need to know who to talk to, so you can find the right tunnel.” he shook his head and sat back up, giving Nesta some air.

“Witches?” she asked.

“Yeah, witches - but I’ve been here plenty of times and haven't seen anything too weird. I’m pretty sure they are just a myth.”

“I see.” Nesta flicked her fingernails, trying to decide what she wanted.

To go inside or not.

Confronting fears was a good thing. Maybe it would help her with the nightmares - fewer things to be scared of. Going back into a cave meant she could return to the library in Velaris one day. That she could go underground. That she could roam the House of Wind, her first home in Velaris - without fear.

The witches component was slightly more concerning. She hadn’t told Cassian that her research made it seem likely that the High Lords had been changing the past to suit their purposes. Or at least changing how the past was remembered.

Witches didn’t seem as far fetched to someone who was reborn from the magic of the cauldron into an entirely new form. What was the High lord looking for that it would be buried so deep into a mountain? After speaking to Amren, Nesta knew some myths were just forgotten truths, was this one of them.  

“Look, we don’t have to go in there, I’d like to look at books with you but I’ll understand if you don't want that.” She saw the switch as storyteller Cassian vanished and the commander came out, she did enjoy it when he planned and tried to plot the best way to reach his goal. She could see him ticking things off on his hand as he mentally prepared an argument. “I can draw a quick map. There are multiple exits and they all come out to a wooden path and then lead to the lake and connect to the loop track. So we have a meeting place if we need it. We can meet back here if you get spooked for any reason. There are a few sellers I trust and I'll point them out so if you see trouble you know who to ask for help - if I’m not with you that is. I also have a few additional knives in my bag.”

“I have some knives already.” a long finger poked into his chest.

“Okay, extra knives.” He smiled at her.

“Do you always have to get the last word!”

“Do you?”

“You did it again.”

Cassian laughed. “Look , I have to go check out a few things and make sure certain goods aren’t being sold, I can do it before or after?" he left some space for her to reply but she didn't, she just waited.

"So, do you want to go look at some books with me Nesta Archeron?”

“Very Well.” she said, losing the argument she had stopped fighting long ago, “I do see another problem coming up soon though.”

“Oh?”

“Where are we meant to sleep? I thought there might have been a camp nearby. I didn't realise we might be sleeping under the stars. I don't have fur like those little fluff balls over there.” She moved her hands to wrap around her arms in her own form of a hug protecting herself from the cold.

He stood and offered her his hand, satisfaction in his eyes.

“I always think of something.” he grinned and winked at her.

---

[rayonfrozenwings]

WAITING IN THE FREEZING DARK: CHAPTER 12 - Sweet Smells and Anticipation

Spoiler Alert: Contains references to ACOFAS.

Authors Note: So it’s been a very long hiatus, because Kingdom of Ash destroyed me and stole all my creative energy.

A Nessian Fan Fiction: Characters all belong to Sarah J Maas and her book series A Court of Thorns and Roses. This Story takes place after ACOFAS. The story has Multiple POV’s, taking place in the Illyrian camp, Windhaven, Nesta and Cassian are living together at the behest of the high lord and lady of the night court.

Chapter 12 - Sweet Smells and Anticipation

Previous chapters are here: 1, 2, 3, 4 , 5 , 6 7  8, 9, 10, 11  and Masterlist here.

I have also put this on AO3: Series Link  :)

WC: 985

Cassian

“Nesta?” Cassian called out as he entered the house, the front door had been left unlocked and he entered their home.

Their home.

Rubbing his jaw he looked around, the place was clean and tidy, the blood orange and cinnamon smell from her soap fresh and inviting. He missed her so much, his whole heart jumped in his chest waiting to see her. Waiting to see if they could fix it. Whatever it was.

“Cassian?” she called his name from her bedroom, her voice husky from sleep.

“Did you fall asleep with the door unlocked?” he asked through the bedroom door. Practicality stopping him from saying all the things he wanted to say and had planned to say on his flight here.

Nesta opened her door and looked at him, standing there in her slip, her elegant hands holding a grey fur around her shoulders and bare feet on the floor she looked at him. He couldn’t help but notice her body through the almost transparent fabric, the curves of her breasts and shape of her hips. His blood started heating and hs breathing became shallow. Cassian hadn’t seen her look like this in a long time, she had always made sure she was fully clothed around him.

“I thought I locked it.” she said quietly.

Three steps was all it took to hold her in his arms, he leant down and her sleep filled eyes met his.

“Are you a dream?” she whispered.

“No Nes, do you want me to be?” he let out on a raw whispered breath, heartbreak only a moment away.

“No, I want you, no more dreams” her lips giving away her biggest secret. The fur dropped to the floor, her hands slid up his arms then neck and into his hair pulling him down into the kiss she had been wanting for so long but to afraid to ask for.  

Cassian took what she offered, kissing her full lips and holding her as close as he could, savouring this moment incase it didn’t last. His hands roamed and his wings wanted to close in a cocoon of just them, but were stopped by the doorway to her room, both standing on either side of the threshold. Her own hands played with his hair, sending energy racing from her fingertips into his own body.

She pulled back for a moment and looked up into his eyes and said “I missed you,” her eyes getting misty, “you big brute.”

Her right hand delicately rested on his face, fingernails tracing his hairline, lip quivering, and holding him still so she could look into the depths of his soul through his eyes.

“I missed you too Nes.”

He picked her up and pulled her into the lounge with him, kissing her as he went, his wings finally able to wrap around their embrace, creating a cocoon of darkness and warmth.

Breathing the only sound in the darkness, panted breaths and breathless words.

“Cassian, I think we need to talk, but all I want is this right now.” he nodded and sighed.

“Will you regret this?” he asked her between kisses, he didn’t want it to end, but was unsure he could go further if she treated him like her other conquests in Velaris. A territorial part of him seemed to rise up, a bloodlust coming over him at the thought. He threw more heat into his latest kiss, commanding her to respond in kind.

“I want this Cassian, it’s always been you I want. I’m just not sure if you will want me.”

His wings flared open as he collapsed onto the couch, pulling her with him. Smiling down at her he said, “Nesta Archeron, I have wanted you since the day I first saw you, your fire and passion are intoxicating and i’m pretty sure we can face anything - together.”

She continued to look up at him, her body splayed over his leathers, she snuggled into him and sighed resting her head on his chest.

“Are you going to sleep!” He asked exasperated.

Thinking he might have warmed her blood a little with his kiss, his own body was reacting quite strongly to her almost naked form laying across him.

He shifted his hips a little trying to get more comfortable, grateful he left his other weapons by the door.

“Just 5 more minutes - you woke me up.” she said as she nestled in, Cassian laughed and held her even closer, too scared to let her go.

It had been hours and Nesta was still sleeping, when she started to snore Cassian knew he could let her be, carrying her to her bed and tucking her in. He wanted to place her on his own bed but thought if she woke up there she might panic. Words had come from her mouth that mended his aching heart and the rift that had formed between them, but would she wake up the same woman who kissed him last night? He had arrived just as the sun had set, and then held her until his arms went numb.

Peaking in her room he checked she was still where he left her and locked the doors. It was still very strange for Nesta to forget to do that, but he would ask her more tomorrow, right now he needed his own shut eye.

He opened the door to his room and could feel her in here.

The scent of her covering his bed, between his covers. He lay down, his freshly washed hair was pulled out of the leather thong and he relaxed. Breathing deep, letting thoughts of Nesta come over him. Of what she was doing in his bed, in his room, while he was gone. That she would be in his bed again soon enough and he started smiling, thinking of all the ways he was going make her scream his name.

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