#again im an awful person
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genuinely cant wait for my bday and have nobody remember, it fuels my masochism and i feel smug about being proven right and i get a whole nother year to be the one who remembers all my friends birthdays
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the way Edwin's immediate reaction upon seeing the misery wraith in the Devlin house is to grab Crystal and cover her mouth, even while he's explaining (apparently calmly) that it hunts by sensing negativity and pain - presumably instead of using sight or sound
and the way that he does the exact same thing to Charles when they're reunited in Hell, but here he urges him specifically to be quiet (in what must be the most barely audible line of dialogue in the whole show) because he's found that's the only way he can get a short reprieve between bouts of torture from the spider thing (to the point that when he ran into Simon earlier he - rather nonsensically - believed the sound of tearing paper behind a closed door was also a big risk)
All I'm saying is, it doesn't look like it was actually all that important he stop Crystal from making noise in the Devlin house, and as much as that scene originally read as Edwin kinda having his shit together while Charles & Crystal were both more affected & then literally incapacitated, his head couldn't have been half as clear as it first seemed if his immediate reaction was reverting to Surviving Hell Tactics even when they weren't really helpful or applicable here
#dead boy detectives#edwin payne#the case of the devlin house#im sorry but i was so shocked by the way he just grabs her like that the first time i watched it & crystal clearly is too#but then he goes into his whole 'when i was in hell' thing and we're all like ah ok this is a moment of Hardened & Experienced Edwin#knowing what needs to be done & doing it even if it goes against everyone's usual boundaries with like personal space and such#but then you look at it again and it's like#aw no i see why you did that actually#and it had nothing to do with that being the actual solution to the problem#i'll take The Edwardian Ghost Has Trauma Again for 800 alex
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AUEGH
#ruby rose#rwby#obligatory tiny distressed ruby#my art#HELLO I HAVE OFFICALLY FINISHED YET AGAIN ANOTHER ONE OF MY SEMESTERS#and holy shit it was the most awful by far#i felt like absolute shit the entire sem and was behind in literally all of my classes#it was so shit that i actually skipped a class because of the stress of being behind on work. which i had never done before.#i am a criminal now lmao i feel so bad#also a little mad at myself because i know i could've done better. i've been doing the bare minimum and cutting corners#which was very noticeable lol#im gonna actually split my upcoming semester this time my ass and health cannot do this anymore#BUT ANYWAY I FINISHED MY SEMESTER RAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#COUGHS OUT BLOOD AND SINKS BACK INTO EARTH'S CORE AND EVAPORATES#IM DONE!!!#also my eyes are really red now for some reason#probably from the lack of sleep or the long hours staring at my bloody laptop idk#probably both#yeah i should go sleep now lol bye#ranting in the tags because i don't know how to talk like a normal person lmao#sorry if you read all this nonsense jkdhkfsdhfkhd#but i should be more active around here again!
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Seriously how can M*r*uders stans like random Slytherins (who tf are Evan Rosier, Pandora (is that Luna's mum and why tf is she Evan Rosier's twin in half of these), and I don't even want to discuss Regulus) and make them Actually Misunderstood Good People Who Were Forced Down That Path when at least one of them *coughreguluscough* was obsessed with Voldemort
And then turn around and make Snape an awful person?
#i saw a post with hcs about the marauders and the “slytherin skittles”#and i swear to god they gave everyone a lil nuance but snape was evil#just... how?????#im starting to wonder if they just can't accept that the marauders were actually horrible people as teens#and so in order to digest that they need to make snape awful to be like “Oh but he DESERVED it because he's So Awful”#it's just ridiculous#like i hate james but i can also acknowledge that he did ultimately love lily and harry and would have been a loving partner and dad#even if he was a fool#and i don't vibe well with sirius but i also acknowledge that he was fucking traumatised so yeah he wouldn't be the best person#why is it so hard for the marauders stans to understand that their faves tormenting a geniunely innocent child#because honestly? severus was innocent from the start#they're the ones who pushed him over the edge#I've said it once and I'll it again:#being into the Dark Arts doesn't automatically make someone evil#anyway i need to go sleep#or at least try. i got very pissed lmao#severus snape#pro snape#anti marauders fandom#(not even anti marauders as much its their fandom that pisses me off)#also#anti james potter#(just because i want to be petty UwU)#snape defense#also you know what#anti regulus black#<-whoever he was it wasnt what the fandom said#in my mind he was one of the worst out of the black cousins from an early age#(mostly as a mental Fuck You to the stans lmao)
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I can imagine anything guy image: “I can spiral into tears and convince myself I’m the worst person alive over anything”
#it’s soooooo easy#‘hey that thing you said was kind of insensitive’ -> feel awful and apologize immediately ->#try to explain that I’m a flawed human being in hopes that they don’t hate me as much -> realize I’m using it as an excuse -> feel worse ->#want to explain that I feel bad in hopes that it makes my apology sound genuine -> realize if I do I’m starting a pity party ->#Devil on my shoulder says that I SHOULD start a pity party bc then people have to console me even though I’m the one who fucked up ->#realize that if the devil on my shoulder thinks that that some part of me must think that. thinking that is kind of terrible ->#feel like I’m terrible -> start crying -> realize that crying will turn it into a pity party anyway ->#realize that I don’t want to feel like I’m terrible. that I do actually want people to console me -> realize I don’t deserve it ->#admit that I am truly horrible for trying to turn my fuck up into a way to make people comfort me ->#post about it on tumblr to vent (?) -> realize now I’m starting a pity party in front of almost 8k people ->#realize that makes me even worse. -> break down in tears feeling sorry for myself when. again. IM the one who fucked up#repeat at and slight inconvenience or mistake. feel like a piece of shit forever :)#it’s a flawless system. if someone sees me struggling and tries to console me I can redirect that to confirm that I’m a horrible person#try and tell myself that I’m spiraling bc of mental illness -> that’s an excuse ->#excuse = horrible person bc I’m not willing to own up to my mistakes -> return to spiral
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these three: i am going to create a sexual dynamic so foul that hell itself refuses to take us on because it doesn’t want to deal with All of That
#sebastian vettel#nico rosberg#mark webber#martianico??#is there a name for this yet.#sugar spice and everything awful?#german sandwich with australian filling. and he’s filling these twinks up. enough im sorry#seb and nico fighting over a man again but it has nowhere near the weight that sebcedes or sebschumi vs germancedes has#because it’s just mark. sorry buddy. though he’s probably the most fun person for them to try and out crazy each other with#what if i was having a sex competition with my narrative foil through your body. and we were both boys. and both your teammate at one point#tags have gotten away from me as usual
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What you said about Grian keeping his modesty even after leaving the Watchers.... Hmmmm.... Grian in Hijab.... Yes that's the shit...
i think hijabs are just for women ! i'm unsure what the male equivalent is
But ! The Watchers i write are inspired by Catholicism, his mum is a nun who veils. This is also just for women, but if he wereeee to veil then it'd be something like that--i mean not the full extent of a nun, but there are head scarves that allow hair and neck to be shown
headscarves are very pretty regardless tho <3
#ask#hijabis fr look like princesses anytime i see them on tiktok im awe struck#<- which i hope is ok to say ! i think flowing fabric is pretty#i used to draw Tommey veiling with a bandana ! pagans also veil and i think its gender neutral#also im a pretty modest person too so i always prefer drawing clothes/extra layers *_*#modesty is also a touchy subject i dont think anyone should be forced to cover.-#-you should only dress how ur comfortable. and never tell others how to either !-#-regardless of religion imo !! religion is very personal !#Catholics usually only veil within churches but it depends eh#AUGH im thinking abt kid xelqua again. always seeing his mum wear a veil so he does too. just bc hes a kid. they copy. so cuTE#in 3L he should wear a veil and no one knows he has cat ears#i think more people should write the watchers using their own religions it'd be rly interesting i think#PERSONALLY i always saw veiling as ... protection from evil eye ? i guess how i'd word it ? and less abt ~purity or whatever
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actually I will say something. tired of being in fandom spaces and seeing the women get demonized while the men with the same/similar character traits either get sanded down and excused OR get called "babygirl" and such.
#bee's buzzing#yes this is about a specific fandom No i will not say which one.#but i will say. sometimes i get sick of it#especially when paired with '(canon male character who is an awful person) is a woman to me. i will not consider Any implications this has'#ESPECIALLY especially when i have been told. as a lesbian. that i should find that fictional man hot now-#- because someone thought up a hc where he's a woman without doing anyrhinh else or again.#exploring the nuance of making him either transfem or a cis woman.#clarification that i DO like transfem readings and such. i love them even.#i have just NEVER seen the hc im vagueposting about treated with. any of the nuance it would need to make sense#and because the fandom. again. demonizes a woman with the same traits#it just makes me raise an eyebrow is all
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someone tell me why every yorkalina fic explains away the lighter thing as york being a smoker and carolina tries to convince him to stop by taking/being given his lighter...
you're really going to tell me the girl thats hardened by war at 24, has the world's most damaging relationship with her father, and has an addictive obsessive personality ISN'T a smoker like come on...
#his whole 'if i started with a pickup line i never would have seen her again' makes perfect sense in this narrative ok#also carolina was probably hardened by war before that but w/e#i choose to believe in the timeline where she's like 23/24 by the time she joins pfl so#anyway the church's all have addictive personalities and carolina has NEVER been one to try and hold somebody accountable like that#especially since their whole relationship was YORK trying to stop carolina from doing self-damaging thing#this is no hate to anyone who writes yorkalina fanfics like this i adore your please keep doing your incredible work im in awe of you#also no need to actually tell me i understand the message of it.. the trust... the love..#yorkalina#rvb#red vs blue#agent carolina#agent york#agent new york
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#p4#persona 4#p4d#persona 4 dancing all night#hanamura yosuke#yosuke hanamura#actually low key obsessed with naoto's comment - conversationally adept but terrible at making speeches#personally i would say yosukes not even capable at conversation half the time with his foot in mouth disease#but i wonder if it was because naoto was even worse at conversation therefore making yosuke seem good in comparison#BUT it had me thinking about that time where naoto mentioned yosuke had told naoto that they could be oblivious to other peoples feelings#and then i think about all the private conversations between yosuke and yu and i wonder if yosuke is actually just#pretty good at 1-1 conversations but awful in bigger group setting#and im not saying its my Yosuke-Puts-Up-An-Act-For-Others agenda coming into play again but with i think in a large group setting its just#a little harder to do so#i think yosuke is very sensitive as an individual and he still struggles with saying the right things#but especially in settings where a number of people are watching him talk#he starts to fumble and trips over himself quickly#especially when people start teasing him#because he's started referring to his peers with honorifics becauses hes nervous#but also teddie bullying yosuke like “favourite disappointment” i think teddie means “favourite” more but yosuke only hears disappointment#thinking about how it sticks with him in p4d because when he does a good dance one of his lines are “not such a disappointment after all!”#oh my god yosuke.....#he's good with his queue
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Does your f/o like the strip club yes or no?
#im thinking about that fatgum again#tw for implied violence#he texts you to meet up and you dont respond-- not for a full week#he crawls back to the strip club where he met you and suddenlu cant bring himself to look at the stage anymore#it feels like cheating-- even though he isnt daring you#one of the girls comes up and tries to fliet#but he asks for you.#asks if you're okay#the girl flicks her lil mouse ears and tells him tmoff a bit at first-- men can become creepy. shes not giving out personal info#but she softens when he says his name#'aw tai... she likes you a lot hon.'#she givrs only the vaguest details. something happened at work. you'll be okay eventually.#and she ahrees to pass on the fact he was here#for you
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You know, it's been years now, and I still follow a few blogs that post for thr fandom... I need the last few remaining fans to know: anyone that popularized the last name "McClain" for Lance, I need you to jump into a boiling pool and you can never get out.
Maybe look up Cuban last names??? And don't use any of the first 10 results??? Do your fucking research??? Look up how Cuban last names work, maybe??? Don't just settle for the whitest last name to fucking exist, and call it a day????
It works similarly in mexico, First name, maybe middle name, sometimes third name if your parents are feeling a bit quirky, then Paternal lastname Maternal lastname. Maybe! Maybe he's mixed! A mexican parent and a Cuban parent! A Brazilian parent and a Cuban parent! Maybe!!! He's even part native! But I don't trust white fans with native characters. Learn to behave and maybe we'll trust you with native characters.
Just. Stop it with McClain.
IF YOU ARE WHITE, YOU CAN REBLOG BUT IF YOU TRY TO START SHIT I WILL BLOCK YOU!!!!!
IF you are latine, specifically Cuban, feel free to add your own thoughts on this matter
#voltron legendary defender#voltron#lance voltron#lance mcclain#gross evil awful who is that man#lance with literally any latino last name#beautiful amazing i would die for him#listen#im mexican and very fucking tired#yall just didnt want to put the work in so you just went with mcclain#which i think was the original lance's last name??#wait i just checked the original lance didnt have a last name either mcclain is from the comics#ALSO HELP JAMES IS LIKE THE WHITEST NAME IVE EVER HEARD#call him jaime leandro or something that has flavor#he can go by his middle name#thats what my mom did#idk it just frustrates me you know??#and i HATE the way his family was written in the show#he fucking called his grandparents memaw and pepaw or somethinf like that???#I HATE IT!!!#even if he didnt speak spanish#his parents would have probably made him call his grandparents abu something like that#again cuban voltron fans chime in#what did you call your grandparents#i dont any any grandpas#but i called my grandmas “abuelita” and “abu”#oh right me personal tag#raine thoughts
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@just-a-carrot
doodles of two silly little guys
#our wonderland#posting on tumblr atm bc im too tired to log back into the bird app after i accidentally logged myself out again#i still need to play the finale im just waiting for a good chunk of time where i can sit down and play through it all w/out being tired af#yay for being a frequently low energy person who only makes progress in spontaneous bursts even when i want to have fun on stuff#these are very quick doodles but the color palettes on these two guys is always so fun#these two have very memorable yet simple designs and i am always in awe of that fact
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frank w such bad jealously of the casual intimacy between g and mikey that it boils into a horrible paranoia abt them fucking to the point of actual mental breakdowns first thing in the morning over like them talking over cereal or something
#he sees the most mundane shit as obscene acts of love and devotion (they are actually. but still.) and gerard never does any of that with#with him so gs secretly a horrible person. obviously.#half the time he feels like a crazy asshole and hates himself 4 even considering it (but still anguishes over it) and the other he gets#drunk and screams at mikey and punches things. trashes the bus sometimes makes a huge scene and gets really accusatory w it#works himself up Bad and cries so hard he passes out in the middle of the floor. wakes up alone w everyone avoiding him as much as possible#they dont talk abt it and everyone awkwardly tolerates him / pretends to over a month or so. then he freaks out again and repeat#frerard#im drawing something w frank in it so im thinking abt him again. mostly being awful to himself/others <3
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am i the only one who gets kinda frustrated when people go 'oh people who are scared/concerned about bugs and other pests or like snakes and stuff are just stupid ignorant nature haters' like
sorry some of us don't have good experiences with spiders and roaches and shit. sorry we aren't all experts at identifying snakes and spiders to know which are a threat and which aren't.
would it be great to encourage people to learn? Yeah obviously! but you're not gonna shame someone into wanting to learn that
#i feel like ive seen like 3 separate posts just circulating around this week thats like#'ooh if youre scared of roaches you're a bad awful person' or like#'if youre scared of snakes you suck theyre just little buddies'#'scared of spiders? one of the most natural things to be scared of? you're the worst' and its like#???????????????????????#anyways this is clearly a vent post#if this blows the fuck up again im gonna block people i swear to god
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does any other demiromantic (or arosepc doesnt rlly matter) feel like. extremely awful when they experience romantic attraction or is that just me.
#spacie spoinks#bruh#like. while im experiencing it i wish so badly that i wasnt 😭#i feel disgusted. is this what romantic repulsion is???#cuz like ill be experiencing all the lovey dovey stuff yk#''ooohb i wanna kiss dem oooh what if we help hands'' romantic crap but its like. anxiety inducing#like it feels awful??? is this normally how it feels?? i dont like it.#it like. doesnt feel right or natural and im assuming its b/c i just like?? barely feel it ever?? and thats why???#strange as hell.#i recently felt romantic attraction 2 someone (it has been 2 or 3 years since i last felt it) and it came on really strong for like#a week and that was like the worst week of my life#i couldnt think abt anything else but them like it wasnt even like. fantasies or anything just like.#the concept of them. my brain would just be like ''hey remember this guy''#I LIKE COULDNT SLEEP#HOW DO YOU PPL ENJOY THIS????#me; clutching my head for ~a week: AUUUGH!! THE PERSON!!! THE PERSON!!!!!#im so serious this is how it feels w/springtrap. hes like a blight on my psyche#the feelings have faded mostly i think. i think im normal abt them again (thank god)#its so strange. i think a romantic relationship would be fun but then i start feeling the feelings and its. awful.#so horrid#also like. im considering that maybe the relationship i would like some day isnt romantic but a qpr#idk. ive never been in any kind of serious relationship (never wanted 2 and have never been approached for it)#sometjing 2 think abt i guess?#anybeans. i tire.#hope i never experience that again#ik that like in 2-3 years ill be like: ''man. idk what past spacie was talking abt. would be nice 2 feel romantic attraction again''#NO SPACIE IT WONT!!! REMEMBER!!!!!! REMEMBER WHAT YOU WENT THRU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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