#again kaz still loved bb still did the things he did

[sporkberries]

Thinking about kaz and agency(and lack thereof)

[sir-yeehaw-paws]

Can you talk a little more about masculinity and femininity in ocelot? Sounds interesting

Hello Anon!

Sure, I can do that. I guess a good way to explain myself first (and hopefully a little better than I did in the takarazuka ask) would be how I personally perceive masculinity and femininity.

The definitions of the concepts, according to Websters dictionary, are defined as such:

Masculinity: The quality or nature of the male sex. Femininity: The quality or nature of the female sex.

As another quick note, I'll add that this isn't going to delve too hard into whether these qualities are 'good' or 'bad' in regards to Ocelot. Some of them are good qualities, but Ocelot often puts them to use in a sinister fashion, being. Well.

Ocelot. In this case 'masculine' qualities would be, say, 'aggressive, physically strong, abrasive, robust' where as 'feminine' qualities would be, 'soft, nurturing, gentle, reserved'.

Obviously, my immediate issue is that these definitions are rooted in biological sex characteristics, with the stickier territory of sex and gender correlating because biology dictates certain personality traits. I'm not going to over-complicate it by going into a deeper 'nature vs nurture' or sex VS gender argument. And, for the sake of ease I'll start by describing what one might consider how these qualities are implied/shown in Ocelot in particular.

Ocelot's personality (or what he tells people his personality is) has characteristics of the following:

Men are often considered to have more 'instinct rooted' natures. They're more often considered less feeling (something we know is very untrue but they're given less space to discuss their feelings properly). They are described as strong, daring. A lot of characteristics that get defined in the ways to which they are physically robust and skilled.

Or, in ways they can be useful based on those traits.

Women, by contrast, get considered more 'delicate' and nature based. What they can provide and offer people is given a critical eye (such as how many are described as nurturing, devoted) how they can provide, and their mental capabilities. Since the flip of the coin is that they are also considered more emotionally rooted, thus, they're described as 'manipulative and scheming' when written in a negative light.

(Also, a long time back, and never on Tumblr, I had the thought that Kaz's own story is written very 'female coded' to me. Being a scorned, jaded lover more known for his hysterical, temperamental personality and emotion being his driving force, robbed of his agency with torture and the like, and how revenge stories can often be common in female lead roles BUT that is a whole different thing so uh anyway carrying on.)

Ocelot's main, grounding root is that he is 100% endlessly devoted to Big Boss. It does not matter who suffers because of it, it does not matter how many people die, what matters is that the love of Ocelot's life is given his just due. And Ocelot remains by his side (physically and otherwise, even when BB himself is out of the picture) until his own death.

He's flamboyant. Full of a 'quirky' style of dress, makes a statement whenever he walks into a room. Does loud, bold hand gestures. Makes all kinds of crack statements, and generally draws the audiences attention in these ways. While he's more 'subdued' in MGSV, he still dresses a little 'strange' wears spurs around base, and keeps medium-length, free-flowing hair with long eyelashes and a more even-toned, level head.

Ocelot being a mediator is an extremely funny spot for him to be in, but like any of his performances, he nails it. Mum friend Ocelot, (if the mum friend is hypnotized to hell and of course, secretly antagonistic but again, Ocelot).

On the other hand, he's extremely obsessed with the 'ultra masculine' things; like guns, the American West, hand to hand combat (his CQC is some of the best in the series, I've seen it argued), men-or well, one man in particular. In any case, that's actually a different topic in it's own way, and a different essay.

I'd also note, the guns and such aside, he has a lot of his mother's personality traits, (from what we know of her anyway). The Boss was manipulative, cunning. Physically strong, robust. Driven by emotions, but physically domineering in a way that people knew damned well to take seriously.

Who else got Volgin to tuck tail?

Yet-despite this, her story is one of sacrifice. Her having Ocelot in the first place as well quietly key to her character, written on her chest in a deep scar that reminds the audience, this is a woman. Using the conventional aspects society deems relevant to women, and the ones we've all heard before.

Ocelot's story, ends on the note of reminding the world (the players) that he died for a man. That he loved and adored. His story gets slightly elevated from reminding you that 'this is a man' and more into the territory of 'this is a person with a story' which I find interesting, and a bit sad, on the Boss' part. Because while there's a distinctly 'feminine element' to that, he's not given the hammer home of 'this is a man's story!"

Because men get lots of stories. Men get all kinds of stories. That are not completely rooted in their masculinity (or their femininity, for that matter. Unless the story chooses to be about that). And I feel as if I've gone a touch off topic this way, but I know what I'm trying to say.

Ocelot, (and his mother, and so many) MGS characters are a good mix of masculine and feminine. One could make a post like this for all of the characters, but there is something to be said on the 'this is WOMAN' point getting hammered home a bit harder when it is the female characters.

But, that is another thing entirely. Once again. I feel like I'll never 100% stay fully on topic in an ask eh?

As an aside, is meowing masculine or feminine? We shall never know.

[hylaversicolor]

i love your ocelots im so curious could you elaborate more on ocelot getting into drugs and what you think that looks like for him over the years and how it affects his relationships 🤨 again i love your ocelots sm i giggle and clap my hands together whenever you post

yes ofc!! keep in mind this is PURE headcanon and speculation not meant to be meta or anything like that by ANY means

i think he starts doing coke and other fun stuff in the early 70s bc he's partying with eva a lot and substances are plentiful. he's right at his mid 20s debuff so it's starting to get a little harder to pull multiple all nighters in a row in order to keep up with his like 7 full time jobs, and here and there he'll use whatever is on hand to help with that. but his drugs era (if you will) i think can be divided into 3 distinct phases which are:

les enfants terribles - i think after bb leaves the patriots ocelot takes on a lot of guilt which he carries with him for the rest of his life, culminating in his actions during mgs4. if you take the conversation ocelot and zero have in portable ops as canon, ocelot was technically the one who got the leverage on zero to have bb join the patriots, which resulted in bb being cloned without his knowledge or consent. ocelot would probably feel responsible for that and vows to stay behind with the people who betrayed bb to keep an eye on zero and para-medic for bb's sake, while bb gets out of there as fast as he can. bosselot doesn't really have a breakup moment but the fallout from the LET project is probably the closest thing we have to one. and i think ocelot begins using more heavily to cope with his guilt during this period

the latter half of the 9 year gap - i think ocelot really just starts to fall apart the farther he gets from big boss (for the above reason as well; the guilt endures, bc in his mind he's seen john off to colombia and only a short time later he goes into the coma). but he's also busier than ever with the diamond dogs, being a part of the GRU, working for the CIA, etc. he's tried just about everything at least once but in particular i think he uses a lot of amphetamines just to like. get all his shit done. when ecstasy starts going around in the 80s he gets into that too. this all is tough on kaz, who like ocelot did a ton of coke in the 70s, but unlike ocelot got out of the habit. the longer it goes on the more of a strain his use puts on their work/personal relationship (however you wanna interpret ocelhira) bc kaz is constantly picking up his slack and carrying narcan everywhere and nagging him about it. but the annoying thing is that ocelot is still infuriatingly competent even in the throes of addiction. it's more of a physical addiction for him so his body still needs it even if in his mind he's like noooo it's Fine i can stop. i think he might have a couple close calls.

post mgsv - i think he finally gets properly clean during/after (unclear timeline) the events of phantom pain out of concern for his own life lol. during mgsv i think he's down to mostly weed anyway. bb is back so he has no excuse for physically and mentally destroying himself when he can still give himself to bb completely. i think he still continues to smokes weed decades later though.

[zanzibarhamster]

Big Boss, The Boss, Kazuhira Miller, Ocelot

AYYYY THIS TOOK LONGER THAN I THOUGHT. deleting the ‘thing that gives me secondhand embarrassment’ section bc i don’t really get that.

BIG BOSS

SEXUALITY: bisexual but it’s complicated because life circumstances haven’t really allowed him much exploration of sexuality. he’s the type of bisexual that’s consistently into one type of person (charismatic, strong-willed, independant, preferably good with guns) across genders.

OTP: bbkaz ofc but i do have several other ships (eva, roy, and python mostly).

BROTP: not sure if the boss counts as a ‘bro’ but their relationship is v important to me. if not bb+amanda is extremely underrated and very cute.

NOTP: paz but that’s not really a thing thankfully

FIRST HEADCANON THAT POPS INTO MY HEAD: he has perfect pitch but it’s completely wasted on him bc he has zero interest in or experience with music. he also doesn’t even know it’s a thing until kaz tries to tune his guitar for like ten minutes then goes to leave with it and bb is like “you know it’s still way off right” and when kaz sits back down to fix it, proceeds to half-assedly whistle him reference pitches while laying on his cot reading some book about military strategy. kaz shakes his head and is just like… yeah you WOULD be the one in ten thousand guy who can do this.

FAVORITE LINE: ohhh boy I have a lot, but “i was made to fight, i am a gun” and “no… the world is better off without snakes” are two top contenders that come to mind. also his entire mg2 speech.

WAY IN WHICH I RELATE: i’m also awkward with people, unfortunately unlike him i’m not inspiring enough to make up for it

CINNAMON ROLL OR PROBLEMATIC FAVE: hoo boy this meme is old isn’t it. problematic fave ofc but i do think he’s complex and that’s his entire appeal.

THE BOSS

SEXUALITY: bisexual but in a ‘considers herself straight and thinks of lesbian stuff as bosom friends’ kind of way because time period. she’s mostly uninterested in romance, it tends to find her rather than the other way around.

OTP: on one level i ship both strangeboss and joysorrow but on the other i have a hard time seeing either be truly requited on her end bc i headcanon she puts her country first to the point of it being detrimental to her personal relationships. strangeboss is also weird and complicated because the part of me that loves strangelove wants them to get married and be happy, the part of me that’s a canon purist acknowledges the reality that she talked to strangelove like she was someone else (implied to be jack) and like a child (so if that was a romantic conversation it has uncomfortable implications for the boss and jack’s relationship). so like… i love strangeboss but i feel like i am lying to myself if i think of it as being fully requited rather than a sort of very romantically charged friendship in which they toed the gay line real closely and that’s precisely why it fucked strangelove up the way it did.

BROTP: again not exactly bro but big boss. they mean so much to me.

NOTP: iiiiii don’t love seeing content of her with big boss bc they met when he was a kid and he flat out says she was like his mother, but i can’t exactly begrudge people who ship them on top of that bc there are some lines in canon with Uncomfortable Implications. none of it is concrete and it’s all ambiguously interpretable so i personally choose not to acknowledge it but like… it’s there.

FIRST HEADCANON THAT POPS INTO MY HEAD: ocelot was a drunken semi-mistake (her and sorrow were hooking up but generally used condoms) that she kept secret for as long as possible for fear her country would take the one thing she wanted for herself. she was only sent to normandy because they needed her that badly and she agreed to get a third trimester abortion but didn’t show up to get it. she didn’t exactly have a plan for how she was going to care for this baby given he was definitely going to be born in an active war zone but she did love him and intended to keep him.

FAVORITE LINE: i. feel like her entire end of mgs3 speech is such a cliche answer but it’s so fucking good.

WAY IN WHICH I RELATE: absolutely none lol

CINNAMON ROLL OR PROBLEMATIC FAVE: hard call but i’m going with problematic fave bc she very much died to perpetuate the military industrial complex and everyone in mgs is problematic except sunny.

KAZUHIRA MILLER

SEXUALITY: bisexual and it’s not complicated. he knows what he likes and goes after it, though men with a lot more caution because time period. he’s the kind of bisexual that’s into different types for men and women. women, adoring ones that will pander to his ego preferably with big tits, although spicy slap-slap-kiss types are a runner up. men, jock types with nice pecs and a tight ass. he’s a horny bastard tho so he’s often willing to take whatever he can get.

OTP: bbkaz, though i also ship vkaz (fucked up only, not fluff) and kazeva. bb/kaz/eva underrated tbh.

BROTP: solid snake? again not a bro exactly but i’m very invested in their mentorship in all of its half genuine but also using him as a tool glory.

NOTP: nothing i hate, just stuff i can’t see happening

FIRST HEADCANON THAT POPS INTO MY HEAD: he had pretty wild college years bc as soon as he didn’t have the constant responsibility of being a caretaker for his mom and was all by himself in a college environment, he exploded the other way with all the recklessness, irresponsibility, and rebellion he wasn’t able to have before. this included doing all the drugs available during peak hippie years and finding out he’s bisexual under the influence. i don’t disagree with the common headcanon that he’d go right for drugs if they were offered to him, i just hc he got most of that out of his system before he even made it to colombia. pot, LSD, shrooms, obetrol, amphetamine inhalers, etc. fun facts amphetamines were not illegal until 1970, you could just fucking buy amphetamine inhalers for allergies over the counter and a mixture of adderall and meth (obetrol) was widely sold as a prescription diet pill. anyway i don’t think coke would be his first rodeo.

FAVORITE LINE: “loneliness is something that seeps into the cracks of your heart, boredom is what causes those cracks to appear” in mg2. the implications hurt so much.

WAY IN WHICH I RELATE: high five for childhood bullying and being an endless fountain of trivia about things like the history of amphetamines.

CINNAMON ROLL OR PROBLEMATIC FAVE: problematic fave lmfaooooooo. he’s complex and i love him but imo fandom often latches onto his more sympathetic qualities while downplaying the terrible ones.

OCELOT

SEXUALITY: gay as all fuck. despite time period he’s fine with it, he knows he’s a deviant.

OTP: i’m not emotionally invested but ocelot being in love with big boss is just a fact. like the *straightest possible interpretation* for his actions is an asexual with a lifelong soul-deep obsession, and imo that is a stretch with the russian tuant and comparing himself to quiet.

BROTP: i wish we’d seen him and zero working together more, i feel like the dynamic would have been super interesting. patriots era game when.

NOTP: nothing i particularly hate

FIRST HEADCANON THAT POPS INTO MY HEAD: he’s a sadomasochist, in addition to the sadism he also gets off on getting hurt himself, but only by someone he carefully vets first. he is also super into bloodplay. i don’t read much ocelot fic but i would be surprised if this isn’t a common one.

FAVORITE LINE: “you’re pretty good” being his last words in mgs4 always gets me

WAY IN WHICH I RELATED: hahaha no

CINNAMON ROLL OR PROBLEMATIC FAVE: cinnamon roll, ocelot has never done anything wrong in his life ever, all the backstabbing and terrorism and brainwashing and torture and possible rape was a long series of unfortunate misunderstandings. he’s actually a PTA mom at his dog’s school, does pilates on the weekend, and volunteers at his local church.

[hasquetzorkukudoneanythingwrong]

Interview

BB: welcome back everyone! So good to see you all here today! We're back for a 3rd time here on BB Channel! Like before we're joined by the lil cuties of Ed and Mari. But this time their parents have come to join!

Rex: hello...

Quetz: Hola!

BB: that wasn't a very strong greeting Rex!

Rex: I'm tired right now. Can't this wait?

BB: time waits for no one and neither does BB!

Mari: already this is super annoying! *sigh* so why'd you decide to bring them into this anyways?

BB: the people who follow this blog need to see how they're doing so long after Chaldea too! You two have had the spotlight for a while, so now you should share.

Ed: I mean... guess that's fair.

Mari: should anyone be dealing with this?

Rex: I'd rather not be here either.

BB: aaaww, don't be like that! This will be fun!

Quetz: that's a very hard sell BB.

BB: just humor me at least.

Rex: ...fine

Quetz: what are we even doing anyways?

BB: some of your interdimensional buds have sent in questions about how you guys are doing, and I'm here to get those answers for them!

Quetz: that actually sounds nice...

BB: what'd I tell ya!?

Rex: yeah yeah, pls get started.

BB: fine. First few are from my precious bombardier beetle! First one she asks: do you have any pets?

Mari: oof! Do we!

Rex: currently we have four dogs: 1 German Shepherd named King, a Pitbull named Sparks, a Dogo Argentino named Duke, and a Corgi named Marshmallow.

Quetz: but also we have a habit of adopting older dogs who aren't likely to get a home because of their age or rescues to give them a nice place to stay.

BB: aaawww, well ain't that wholesome?

Mari: we also have mom's bigass pterosaur!

BB: less wholesome. Next one from my dear yellowjacket: favorite foods?

Rex: PIZZA!

Mari: CAKE!

BB: whoa! Pump the brakes you two! No need to get too excited!

Quetz: ...honestly? I don't really have a favorite food. Just a bunch I like to eat and some I don't. If I had to choose, I'd say chocolate.

Ed: I'm a steak man myself.

BB: 2 sweets, and 2 savories. Next up! Who wakes up earliest?

Rex: Quetz

Ed and Mari: Mom

Quetz: ...I guess it's me... hehehe.

BB: honestly I'm not surprised. She's so damn athletic and even used to be a professional.

BB: next! Where do you all like to go for vacations and such?

Ed: mom and dad have a vacation home in Alaska.

BB: Alaska?! Why?

Mari: when warm weather is the norm for you it's nice to go to the cold to change things up.

Rex: yeah, it's actually very nice. Not too many people and beautiful nature sights.

BB: well to each their own. Another from my dear antlion: how long does it take to pick a movie or TV show to watch?

Quetz: hehehe, we're all so indecisive it takes ages to pick. It's not uncommon for us to give up after taking so long.

BB: you should work on that. This next one's interesting. My precious army ant also suggests a round of common household jobs and the like from each member.

Rex: hmmm

BB: she gave an example of like, who does the cooking?

Quetz: well it's both me and mi amor in that case. The kids aren't very creative.

Ed: hey! We're plenty creative!

Mari: no we're not, don't lie.

Rex: we only really ask that the kids clean their rooms and any messes they make. We handle most everything else.

BB: they should really show some independence tho. Can't coddle them forever.

BB: in the next one, Cadence asks about a house tour and if there's a jacuzzi.

Quetz: a house tour feels like it should be it's own thing.

Rex: yeah, but we do have a jacuzzi dude, so don't worry.

BB: next one's from Reen: she asks what would life be if you weren't in chaldea,

Rex: y'mean like now? I mean... it's a relatively normalish domestic life? With less work tho.

Quetz: si, I've made plenty from my lucha career before retirement we don't have to worry about money much. But mi amof still makes money just in case.

BB: well after that she asks: how was your life before and after meeting each other?

Rex: ...kinda sad. Aside from chaldea and saving the world, I was kinda just... stagnant. Go to work, go home and so on. Not much to my life before then.

Quetz: ...honestly, for me it was the same. After the age of Gods ended we didn't do much of anything. We mostly watched over humanity, I've been summoned in modern day before but that was rare and infrequent.

Rex: ...after I met Quetz tho... I dunno things felt... better? She kinda forced her way into my life after I summoned her and... I was more then ok to accept her... before long we had something beautiful...

Quetz: aww, mi amor! I'm so happy to hear that!

BB: ain't that sweet? Like me and my dear centipede. Final one from Reen: if you could build a dream home then where? (Can be in fantasy)

Rex: I mean... where we are now is good.

Mari: yeah, right at the border of a huge rainforest in the Yucatan sounds fine.

Ed: but what about the fantasy bit?

Quetz: hmmm... we don't really look at fantasy much. But maybe a castle of some kind?

Rex: or a Mayan temple? But with electricity and Wi-Fi.

BB: that's fair. Need those memes in your life. Now some from Kaz! First she asks: what kind of gifts do you give each other?

Rex: uuhh, well I like getting mi corazon custom things. Like some personal clothes, or even a portrait of the two of us.

Quetz: ehehehe, I like to spoil mi amor with extravagant things! Golden treasure and the like!

Mari: concerning...

BB: next, how would you spend the day if it's raining outside?

Rex: I actually enjoy rainy weather, so I like to chill near a window or even on the porch listening to the rain.

Mari: it's very soothing.

BB: how quaint. Last one from Kaz: whose good at cooking and baking?

Quetz: hehehe, that'd be me. Tho it might be considered cheating since I use my goddess power to help.

Mari: well no one else is the greatest normally so it's fine.

BB: a good 'ol better then nothing kinda attitude! Now we're back to Cadence but with more relaxed questions: what's the current house look like?

Rex: ....big.

Mari: like three stories tall with a DEEP basement.

Ed: like... 5 rooms too many.

Quetz: we also have an indoor pool.

Rex: the outside looks almost gothic, but partially taken over by nature.

BB: all this near a rainforest?

Quetz: si! Despite the size, all the nearby trees still tower over it.

BB: nature can get scary. I've seen worse and have been worse but still. Another one: how do family events function? Any specific holidays?

Quetz: ...most family events are just us... going somewhere nice to eat nice food...

Rex: do they mean bringing extended family? My family lives too far to visit often

Quetz: ...and I'd rather not speak of mine... things have gotten rocky as of late.

Mari: right, well for holidays we celebrate most standard one, like Easter and valentine's and such. For October we kinda try to combine Halloween and Day of the dead.

Ed: but Christmas is the most important for us! Mom and Dad always make the biggest celebrations for Christmas!

BB: gotta love the holidays! Especially when your mom is santa... still weird to say that. Next one! Any plans for the future?

Rex: eh... not really? I mean I want to prepare Maria to continue the family magecraft, since Ed has no interest.

Mari: someone has to continue on this lost practice.

BB: good to know it won't be lost to time like we thought. Next one! Daily life?

Rex: I wake up, eat, work on magecraft, spend family time, spend time with Quetz, go to bed.

Quetz: I wake up, workout, eat, workout, spend time with mi familia, lovely time with mi amor and then I sleep.

Ed: I wake up, take a walk, eat, practice soccer, spend family time, sleep.

Mari: sleep, sleep again, dragged to breakfast by mom, eat, eat again, mess with magecraft, eat, sit with everyone else, scroll thru my phone for hours, sleep.

Quetz: *sigh* mija, you need to change your priorities.

Mari: mmmmm... No.

BB: bad habits there Mari. Next they'd like to know if your in contact with anyone from chaldea? Other then me!

Rex: here's a real quick list: Marie, Mash, Kiara, Penth, Astraea, Martha, Ishtar, Gorgon, Jalter, The twins, your kids BB, etc etc.

Quetz: too many to list...

BB: nice you haven't lost contact! Next! About that Wedding?

Rex: well... it was eventful to say the least. Not long after completing the china LB. Most of the servants were invited, and most of Quetz's family showed up.

Quetz: si, Martha officiated it for us. Most of my family were so nice at the time... too bad that hasn't lasted.

Rex: let's not mention that...

BB: it was such a nice wedding! You two were so "nervous" you had trouble with your vows! How adorable!

Mari: why the quotes?

BB: no reason... now we're at the home stretch! Good 'ol Ash has some for stuff that technically hasn't happened yet, but you should still be able to answer! What responsibilities will Rex take on when he joins the pantheon?

Quetz: ...well he'll be largely a guardian of life on earth. Authority over things like the jungle itself, volcanos, and even snow... for some reason.

Rex: well it still snows in mexico... occasionally.

Quetz: and we'll be sharing authority over Venus! I wanted to share it with mi amor!

BB: cute! Hmmm, not sure if you cananswer this one just yet? Adjusting to God hood?

Rex: well I got to try it out a bit. Summoning lava and snow is... interesting. But also... my mind felt... odd... but also clearer? Not sure how to put it...

BB: I'm sure when you get there you'll get it... took me a bit after servant fest. And how did the other divinities react?

BB: actually I have some recordings of that to answer, so play the clip!

A screen appears showing recordings of some servants, one at a time.

Ishtar: eh! She's turning you into a god!? ...I guess you've earned it master...

Eresh: what!? Can you do that?! ...guess I won't see you in Kur... then again I don't think you have any link to Kur anyways.

Kama: do you really think your cut out for it? I mean... if it's just for you two to be together then I guess it's fine.

Astraea: godhood is a very big responsibility master. Are you certain you're up to it? Saving humanity is also a big task but at least that has an end point. This is... eternal.

Qin: oh! So you have decided to go for immortality after all?! Tho not the same as my methods, it is still good to see you two will be happy together!

Scathach: immortality? I've strived for death for so long... to see you go for immortality... Hopefully you'll find happiness, where I couldn't...

The screen turns off.

BB: very interesting! Most seem hesitant of it all... I for one think it's cute! Imagine in a thousand years you guys have a double date with me and my dear stag beetle!

Rex: ...a thousand years...

Quetz: still having trouble processing it all?

Rex: yeah... maybe when I get there... it'll be easier.

BB: now for today's final one! A scenario! One of you two goes berserk! What does the other do to calm them down?

Rex: well that has happened before... usually a nice hug is more then good enough.

Quetz: si! I've almost destroyed a few servants a few times until mi amor caught me in a hug! I can't bring myself to harm him... so I stop!

BB: sounds too easy... but I've seen that before so... I'll let it slide.

BB: well that's all the time we have for now! Hopefully you all are satisfied by the answers! We'll be doing this again, seeya!

Screen cuts out, the show's over.

Questions provided by: @hasbbdoneanythingwrong @havetheavengersdoneanythingwrong @has-gilgamesh-doneanythingwrong @renmeo @kazmetic @grievouslyxorvia

Other tags

@haspaulbunyandoneanythingwrong @hasishtardoneanythingwrong @hasereshdoneanythingwrong @hasabbydoneanythingwrong @haskamadoneanythingwrong

[cunked]

Oh no!! I want to hear why you think Kaz let solid kill venom, or why he was strengthening venom to fight solid?? I was always confused about that. You seem up to date on mgs lore. Does Eli ever actually meet real big boss or did he only meet venom?

i'm flattered that you think i know my lore, but i regret to inform you that i know fuck all. i think none of us really know for sure what happens with these characters in between games, but here's what i think happens (or like to think):

my initial impression was that venom ends up co-operating with big boss because of his loyalty to him. the thing is, venom is disgusted with himself from what he's become, but enjoys the power that being big boss has offered him. we see this at the end of tpp when he finally comes to realise that. so why not fight to be the only big boss? well, i think it's a combination of his loyalty (he put himself between bb and an explosion, effectively the 'birth' of venom snake) and maybe some form of indoctrination from having his head messed with. what really stood out to me in the last scene was when he puts the tape in the player and you hear some freaky noises, almost as if to wake a sleeper agent (still no idea how he got ahold of the tape, but it's implied he was only supposed to listen to it after his original memories started coming back. maybe someone gave it to him?) also worth noting that the title on the tape is the same name as the operation in metal gear 1, possibly indicating that venom was always intended to be a scapegoat when the time came.

kaz's plan seemed pretty good and it's understandable that he'd want venom to surpass big boss, but he was probably naive for thinking that if it came to picking sides, v wouldn't side with bb. i imagine considering how close v was to kaz, this was difficult. but on the other hand, he might not have known at all what miller was planning and had no qualms with once again taking the heat. see what i mean with how little we know? crazy. just get kojima back in konami, have him press a few keys and release a final metal gear game with a plot spread out over all the decades as a way of tying up loose ends, then get him out of there before anyone notices. bada bing bada boom.

here is my vkaz alternate theory: v and kaz fall in love and start healing the trauma. when miller leaves diamond dogs, their relationship is long distance, but they make it work. after solid snake's training is over, kaz and v get married in secret. v's head injury gets worse over the years, so he retires. with no longer a use for him, bb thinks it's time for v's final mission and so he twists his arm to co-operate with veiled threats against miller. knowing that he'll have to face his partner's protégé, v lets himself be killed by solid snake. he left a note for kaz and now kaz's revenge against big boss is reignited, believing that bb was responsible for widowing him and he uses snake to exact his revenge. ok hideo, you've got the script, get to it 👏

ok about eli. from liquid's dialogue in mgs1, i think the og big boss did take him under his wing at one point and that's how he learnt to fight like solid snake (so bb was essentially training the 2 of them). i don't think liquid was referring to venom. it's possible, but i think eli would sus out quickly after tpp that v was only bb's stage double and wouldn't be satisfied with that. it seems that eli's relationship to big boss was much different than david's: despite his animosity, he insists on calling him their father and talks about being the 'chosen' child, so i think it's fair to suggest that big boss was his guardian as well as his teacher.

i get the impression that ocelot left diamond dogs to reunite with bb and also trained eli. since ocelot acts like eli's second in command during shadow moses, it makes sense if they've known each other a while. plus, i don't think ocelot would be kept away from big boss for long. unlike kaz, he seemed content with being left to aid the other big boss, but i think as soon as whatever was keeping him there wore off, he'd want out and go wherever bb fucked off to (zanzibar land? judging by other characters' dialogue, he's been a bit all over the place. just accumulating war orphans).

[lover-of-trash-and-people]

im angrier this time? netflix shadow and bone s1e7 re-watch (substituting alcohol with iced coffee this time) (oh, also, spoilers)

yes jesper shooting ketterdam cards title card omg I straight up forgot that this was the darkling backstory episode we all know I love bin bons as much as the next person but um can we petition to never see the flashback darkling look again I kind of love Luda but I find the entire backstory kind of unnecessary even though I get why they did it okay mr. barnes king of micro-expressions alright fuck you show makers with you breaking my heart showing me how the Grisha have had to go through this countless times that they have their plans memorized oy dumbass otkazat'sya man you speak the darkling's name with some respect alright I've got to accept the tricck they use against the king's men is pretty cool omg you fucking bitch this is exactly why people say acab I've seen people say why couldn't he have broken his bonds and killed them before they killed Luda and I truly believe a) he didn't want to kill unnecessarily and b) Luda's life was at stake so like I get it okay so I don't like the 'just mortal' thing they brought it to sort of drive darklina soulmates agenda home because lmao that is not why okay I get Baghra's points but I don't like her, she like made more sense in the books her position on merzost is true to the books but like her pacifist stance is not the same and it just doesn't make sense okay I like the poc tidemaker in their company the score when the king's men soon to be volcra confront the darkling is impeccable that blast of darkness that we see spread outwards from him was very cool dunno how I feel about him hyperventilating and the fold flowing from him like an inky black liquid god, the score when baghra asks alek 'what did you do' is so eerie and beautiful that transition was on fucking point HOW IS KANEJ IS SO ON POINT I SIMPLY CANNOT the Inej Jesper bond is so beautiful I love it okay I love and hate how they refer to Inej's horrible time at the Menagerie so briefly and yet try to add so much impact to it omg why is Jesper about to make me cry cut to Malina huddled together? okay, show god I hate how the amplifier storyline is so incredibly poorly developed the stag is so beautiful I can't 'maybe there's another way to do this'?! again with the sgegehshshsjsjs I hate it here, fucking explain it at least okay fine the shot of Alina lighting up as she touches the stag and smiling with the soft violin in the back was beautiful now time to say bye to the stag and cry I guess okay I love zoya, she feels very authentic to book 1 zoya with maybe a few tweaks we love to see a man with plot armour uwu okay Alina my fucking queen taking out the arrow would cause him to bleed out faster why would you do that the dumbassery okay alek you overdramatic bitch I LOVED THE LIGHT SHIELD lmao I'm gonna cry at how nasal and supervillain-y the Darkling sounds when he says 'you can't save them all Alina' like okay king maybe that line could have better delivery I'm so sorry I love you so much I'm still a BB stan 'you've lost too much blood' maybe if you wouldn't have taken the arrow out you dumbass 'you said you wouldn't hurt him' nobody said that Alina but I get it you've been through a lot you're obviously not thinking love the cut, she's always cool 'miss starkov' you're in tsarist russia stfu ono I'm not prepared for this Kanej scene I need several minutes they're so perfect 'Jesper fixed your cane' I see you writers thinking they're clever omg Amita shivering from the cold babe I'm so proud of you you're so incredibly cool I love his little jaw movements before he says 'you were right' and her composing herself before turning around due to the shock of hearing these words from Kaz's mouth okay we've all talked about the voice break when he says 'she's real' so I will not dwell on it but it was beautiful the little head bend after he says 'and you' as if catching himself before saying 'and jesper' yes sir that was very convincing AAAAAHHHH IT'S HAPPENING I CAN'T COPE yeah okay fuck you I'm crying Kaz's expression at 'I can't go back to the Menagerie' being literally 'I can't believe

you think I'll ever let that happen' you fucking idiots I hate you and how much you love each other you are disgusting David so much so as breathes I love him Him saying 'Im going to place this around your neck' comedic genius David looks so sad my baby angel it's not your fault get that man's true name out of your mouth Starkov you're not supposed to know it let alone say it in front of other people aleksander this is the first time I've truly disliked you, you fucking asshole, Alina my love please don't believe him (why am I saying it like I haven't read the books and watched this already) LUKE HAVING ACTUAL TEARS IN HIS EYES AS HE PLACES THE ANTLERS AT HER NECK WHY IS HE SO GOOD AAAAAAAAA I didn't notice Ivan slowing her heart on my first watch, is that to reduce the pain ouch I am even more sad now okay Jessie you did it again Emmy time for all of these people okay the violin being sad and terrifying this is so good Luke being sad, Jessie literally crying I fucking can't do this anymore 'this is my power' 'but now I control it' really? that was the best you could do at this scene that is meant to have this great of an impact? him sort of pushing her down made me even more upset I'm so mad right now Freddie's microexpression with the eye when Inej says 'Jes has a point' Jessie looks so perfectly shell-shocked, I love them so so much the prosthetic's so gross, I love it so much DAISY HEAD IS THE PERFECT GENYA I WILL ACCEPT NO COMPLAINTS She brought me to tears and I love it Alina pointing out the Darkling's role in Genya's circumstances this early on, we love to see a well deserved call out it seemed very unlikely to me that Kaz would agree to go home empty handed but I do think it would make sense to cut their losses at a certain point I love the Kribirsk camp sets far too much, they seem to have literally leapt out of the books the darkling coming to see Mal seems very fanservice-ey and not at all adding to the plot in any way but I love it Archie bringing that youthful brashness to Mal that we all know he would have is wonderful mal calling the darkling 'shadow man' lmao I'm gonna cry 'you are a child' yeah Alek babe it's best you don't talk about that Alina is of the same age as he is I wanna go to Ben Barnes' school of nose acting because god damn Archie perfectly bringing to life Mal's realisation of the impact that Alina's immortality will bring to their life together oof sir you don't understand how perfect it is that Ben's eyes are actually that dark 'you'll wish you killed me here' it's okay honey you lost this one the Crows being the Crows I love them can we please have Jesper wearing the Zemeni man's red suit be a stepping stone to him wearing fancy clothes of outrageous colours like lime green and orange in the six of crows timeline because the fans will lose their shit and you know it Inej looking fucking fabulous in her suit I can't Kanej smiling at their crazy little bi son's antics okay can we talk about Milo literally saving the day because writer's room im looking at you you're a bunch of crazy mfers and I love you but I also hate you also I get that Mal's a tracker but would he actually have food in his pocket I know this joke has been made before but like Mal pretending to be asleep after waking the guard up is every teenager pretending to be asleep when their parents come to check on them in the middle of the night omg it's the scene those beautiful gauzy curtains at the door of the tent, I want them so bad 'you are special' he says standing stiffly at the door with a creepy inflection why am I suddenly an anti wtf I want his kefta so bad though 'my parents' I love that the show added her losing her parents to him as well because well it makes him even more villanous in her eyes doesn't it no matter what she might have felt for him uwu first fight as a couple (I'm kidding please stop) I love Jessie as Alina so much darkles don't even go off comparing being Grisha to being half-shu you can't compare experiences of being the other that interchangeably yes baby call him out on his

hypocrisy man I'm so conflicted like I understand his motivations and his story so well but like how is this helping okay but Alina's expression changing ever so slightly at him saying 'you and me' stop breaking my fucking heart assholes why is Jessie breaking my heart more on this watch than Ben did on the first one I knew it before he said it but I still gasped when he did on my first watch the little head tilt after he says it still with tears in his fucking eyes man I love this show this was the most devastating break up I have ever experienced and I will not accept any counter arguments okay actual villain time we love to see it sir please don't erotically remove her cloak you have long lost the right again I knew it before they said it but them saying it had me screaming WHAT A GLORIOUS EPISODE

[farharbour]

talk about kaz!! we would like to hear 🥺

i love you. thank you for enabling me. i will now say five things i like the most abt his character:

1) first off i would die over the symbolism of his name. like. it’s just so good even though it’s like super cliché to have a character with a name meaning “peace” be a war guy. but it’s like. deeper than that also u know...

his whole existence is a byproduct of war given he was born in 1946, post-war japan. his background is i think an interesting commentary on growing up in that time period while having an absent father who is a part of the american military that brought destruction to his mother’s country. and his mother still chose to name him peace.

he goes hard for pmcs during pw and at one point and because of the whole msf thing he steeps his whole person in a drive for revenge and for violence, but even then later in life he dedicates himself to fighting against big boss’ dream of a world in constant war. like. at that point he’s fighting war for some semblance of peace i guess, albeit in a really roundabout way. parallels to david snake too, there. maybe kinda shows you how much influence he had on him. you love to see it!

2)  on a related note the whole “i may act like i’m cold and heartless and angry with everything in the world but the truth is i genuinely care about this thing i’ve helped build so much that i’m scared to think about loosing everything again, and i want to get revenge on cipher not only because of the hurt i carry and the want for revenge for those whose lives were lost but also because of the guilt i feel about letting cipher onto mother base in the first place to inevitably destroy everything i cared about and the fear it could happen again” thing that was going on in tpp really gets me

i love kaz’s entire character arc in tpp tbh and the ways he’s changed and the ways he continues to change, both good and bad. and the thing i hate most about his character is the fact that his arc was never really brought to a satisfying conclusion and i wish we could have seen how things played out for him. i will also always be curious about the whole “he goes back to foxhound potentially knowing that bb was commanding the unit again” thing especially considering what was said in the after credits dialogue with ocelot

3) and speaking of bb i am obsessed with their relationship. love how it’s heavily implied on like 10 different occasions that kaz is bi and has romantic feelings for him (even if u ignore the whole date with kaz side mission in pw because it’s “not canon” or whatever) and i love how there’s like... there’s trust between them but there’s also very little trust there, too

kaz lied to him about his ties with cipher and i don’t think bb ever forgave him for that. and then bb went and did what he did back to him, after kaz had already lost everything and felt incredible amounts of guilt that was both deserved and undeserved. it’s kind of reminiscent of that thing that bb said at one point about war showing you who your real allies and enemies are, and how those lines aren’t always drawn by what you’re told or who you’re fighting against on the battlefield. like. you can find an enemy in your biggest ally and that’s exactly what ended up happening

and yeah the whole foxhound thing just. really gets me. i think a lot about how that had to go and the hurt he further dealt with during n313 and wrt zanzibar

4) also ok talking about foxhound-era kaz... i’m loathe to pick a favourite kaz our of the three major eras we see him in but old man kaz might just be my favourite and i really could not tell you why exactly. i guess it’s because it’s the only era where he gets to interact with snavid and i love them both so much so that’s a lot of fun

i think that their relationship is done really well but you’ve also kinda gotta read between the lines to get at the intricacies of it. like you’ve got kaz who it’s implied has only become david’s master to make him strong enough to help him get his revenge on big boss, but then by the time mgs1 hits david basically says he trusts him on the battlefield more than anyone. there had to be time between mg1 and mg2 or mg2 and mgs1 where that relationship changed from what it was to something more based on mutual respect, while also obviously still maintaining that master/student dynamic 

i think about that mg2 carrie radio call sometimes (even though it was cut) where she asks snake to play with her “next time,” implying that there was a first time and that he and miller have hung out at least once with her around. like tbh i’m still not sure either if carrie is like a legit part of canon but she is to me & i do think kaz deserves to be a little domestic in the last years of his life. fishing. raising his daughter. having a wife. taking care of 50 wolf dogs.

and i think he looks very nice on top of all of that too. i’m literally So There’s This Senior Citizen right now but his hair is very very very good if nothing else. the ponytail really suits him and i like to think about all the different hairstyles he could wear. u think carrie ever braided it because i sure do :buttercat:

5) he is one of the smartest most articulate characters in the entire series. his college degree is definitely in business. he reads theory and knows the intricacies of world politics and law. but he is also a complete himbo who can barely rub two of his brain cells together

[slightlyrebelliouswriter23]

Ace of Spades

This gorgeous cover art was drawn by @corpsecro​ !

AN: I literally have no self-control so here’s another Kanej fluff chapter. I promise we’ll get to the real stuff soon. My bbs just needed/deserved some love (and tbh, so did we). 🖤💫

Chapter 3- The Iron Debt

Inej blinked. 

“Erm— Yes,” she said, clearing her throat. Right. Business. 

She’d thought a lot about what she was going to say. She’d even gone so far as to prepare a speech for this moment. But she now fumbled for its beginning like a tangle of yarn buried deep in a drawer. 

She squared her shoulders and took a long breath. Focus. It’s just Kaz. This is just business.

“There are a great many things to learn from the sea, Kaz,” she began. “One of the things I’ve learned is that it does not cost nothing to simply exist--and it costs a monstrous deal more to live and live fully.”

There was that face again. The opposite of scheming. 

Kaz’s eyes glinted over the tops of his steepled fingers as he waited. Inej found she was rather enjoying this.

“I have lived fully for the past seventeen months,” she continued. “And though it’s been a worthwhile existence, it has cost me greatly. The Wraith has blessed my crew with many months of home on the waves. But she has suffered countless blows and battles on our hunt for slavers. Try as my crew might to fix her up, I believe she is beyond our unprofessional care. She needs proper refurbishment—new sails, new tackle, new masts.”

Kaz furrowed his brows. “You need a new ship.” It wasn’t exactly a question, but it asked enough.

Inej shook her head. “I like The Wraith. She’s sturdy and reliable and damned near the fastest thing on the True Sea. If possible, I’d like to keep her.”

It was Kaz’s turn to blink, but his look of shock was shortly replaced by a smirk of approval. 

“A year and a bit on the ocean and you’re already cursing like a sailor,” he said.

Inej sighed and bit back a smile of her own. She forgot how unused to hearing her swear he must be. “Focus, Kaz.”

“When am I not focused?” His eyes bore into hers, and Inej found herself holding her breath. 

Fair point.

Kaz leaned back in his chair, eyes still fixed on her. “Well, if it’s just a bit of work you need done on the ship,” he said, “I know a guy. But if it were just a bit of refurbishing you needed, I don’t think you would have bothered coming all the way here.”

The ache tugged in her chest, a desolate siren call. 

“It’s not just refurbishing,” Inej said with a small, sad smile. “I want—I need to refurbish The Wraith. But I’d also like to pay my crew a livable wage for the services they provide. To feed them something other than beans for a change.”

“Anything else?”

“Some new boots would be nice.”

“Well, now you’re asking too much.”

She gave Kaz a long look, even as the corners of her mouth tugged up. He returned the grin in kind.

“But I can’t do all that,” Inej pressed on. “Not all at once. Not with the money that’s left.”

It was strange. She’d always thought she’d be able to live forever off her share of the money they’d glommed from the Merchant Council. At the time, it had seemed like so much. 

Especially after everything Kaz had done, everything he’d taken care of. For her.

He’d paid off her indenture, reunited her with her family, and bought her a boat so she could chase her dreams to the most distant shores. Her heart still gave a smarting twist sometimes, thinking of everything he’d given. 

The gift she was sure he didn’t realise he was to her. 

For the first time in her life, she had been truly free—limitless. So of course, she’d set up a bank account in her parents’ names and deposited a large sum of her share so they would never need worry. 

The rest went toward maintaining her ship and paying her crew. She’d tried to make the money last as long as possible. They’d eaten nothing but potatoes in every conceivable form for months. And when the fresh supplies had run out, they’d started on the dried beans and fermented cabbage.

As it turned out, hunting slavers did not pay well. It didn’t pay at all, actually. 

Inej had quickly learned that the money slavers did make was either too quickly spent to be looted by her crew after they’d ambushed a ship of them on the open waters, or was dealt with and kept securely on land.

And now, Inej was left with a much thinner cushion of kruge than she cared to think on for too long.

“If it’s money you need, Inej,” Kaz said. “You need only ask.”

“It’s not money I need,” she said, then gave him an apologetic look. “Not your money, at least.”

He cocked his head to the side. “What’s wrong with my money?”

“You’ve given me more than enough already, Kaz,” she said quietly, eyes lowering to her calloused hands. “I already owe you a great deal as is.”

“You don’t owe me anything, Inej.” His tone was sharp as a honed blade and so wholly sober that it made her peer up at his face again. He watched her with cold determination and eyes of glittering obsidian. 

Her smile was rueful and small as she said, “My gratitude, then. By way of friendship.”

At this, Kaz’s eyes softened. 

Kaz had never been good at friends. Inej was fairly sure their heisting days with the Crows a lifetime ago was the first time Kaz had allowed himself to think of anyone as his friend in earnest. 

“I’d like that,” he said. There was a soft vulnerability in his voice that took her by surprise. 

Kaz Brekker never did anything softly. 

She didn’t let that thought show on her face, however. “Me too,” she told him. Then, she huffed a sigh. “Even so, I can’t take your money.”

Kaz frowned. “Why not?”

“It’s the principle of the thing,” she said, lips quirking up. “I’ve made a name for myself.”

“So I’ve heard,” he mused. “Inej Ghafa, Slaughterer of Slavers.” 

There was a hint of pride in his voice as her newly minted title rolled off his tongue.

“Then you’ll understand that as generous as your offer is, I can’t rely on anyone financially. I cannot be beholden to anyone but myself. Ever again.”

Kaz nodded once in understanding. “Of course,” he said. “You have a reputation to uphold, it seems.”

“Exactly.”

“So if it’s not money you need,” he mused. “What is it you want, Inej?”

“I want you,” she said, and her heart stumbled, her head spinning and scrambling with the weight of her slipped words. “Your help, that is.” 

She very nearly cringed. If she was not a tomato before, she was surely one now.

Grinning, Kaz leaned back in his chair and waved a hand through the air with a dramatic flourish. “I’m at your service.”

This made Inej pause. She lifted her brows pointedly at him. “You don’t even know what it is I need your help for.”

“Yes,” he said simply, holding her gaze. Then, after a beat, “I thought we were friends. Is this not what friends do?”

“We are. It is,” she blurted. Too hurriedly. 

“So, I’ll help.”

“What— no careful consideration of every possible outcome? No overbearing Kaz Brekker scheming?”

He gasped in a dramatic fashion worthy of the stage. “I am not overbearing!”

Inej just fixed him with a long look. He was either taking lessons from Jesper or he was indeed still half-seas over.

“Inej, darling,” Kaz drawled. “I don’t spend most of my nights getting drunk in the bath because it is fun or particularly important. Helping you would be by far the most diverting thing to happen in weeks.”

Now, she eyed him incredulously. “So you’re helping me for your own amusement.” 

“Mostly. Besides,” he said, looking at her from under hooded lids, “This is your scheme. Far be it from me to interfere with whatever it is you have planned. I trust you.”

“Because we’re friends.”

“The best,” he said, and gave her a winning smile.

It was so unlike Kaz to relinquish control like this. Even if they were friends, even if he did want to help her, even if he was bored out of his mind--she would have at least expected Kaz to relish in the opportunity of helping her puzzle together a plan.

Instead, he was letting her take the reins. 

Unconvinced, Inej narrowed her eyes at him. “What if I said I needed your help fishing my hat out of the Kraken's stomach?” she asked, leaning forward on the dresser. 

A challenge.

“Then I’d say,” Kaz said, mimicking her movement, his elbows coming to rest on his knees, “Tie a rope to my belt and I’ll see what I can dig up.”

Inej considered him for a moment, appraising the man before her. His eyes, all fixed on her and black as the night between stars, swam with something like death or hope. 

It made her heart flutter. 

But she merely leaned back, placated for now at least, and said, “My, my, Kaz. You must be very bored to be so desperate for something to do.”

“Are you saying I can’t help a friend in her time of need? Out of the goodness of my own heart?” Kaz asked in feigned offence.

“Are you saying you have goodness in your heart?”

His lips twisted into a wry smile. “Let’s not be hasty now, Inej.”

She let out a breathy laugh, shaking her head. “So you’ll help?”

“Of course.” Kaz shrugged. “Though, knowing a bit about what I’m helping with might ease my mind. And my back.”

Inej frowned. “What happened to your back?”

“It gets tense when people scheme without me.”

She rolled her eyes. “Poor King of the Barrel.”

He barked a laugh. “I may be King of the Barrel, but I can assure you I am not poor.”

“Alright, smart ass,” Inej grumbled. “No need to boast. There are those of us who are presently in times of great need.”

For a moment Kaz’s face beheld genuine bewilderment. Then, he looked ready to burst into fits of laughter. But he staved it down for a smug mask instead. 

“Why, Inej, my darling treasure,” he hummed, “I do believe that was a joke, an insult, and a curse in one fell swoop.”

Inej, having let her well-practised tactics slip away from her with every passing minute in Kaz’s bedroom, blushed. Profusely. 

She hated him for it.

“I won’t tell the saints,” he whispered conspiratorially with a wink. “Promise.” 

She was sure her cheeks had been set ablaze. 

Stupid. How very stupid it was for her to be the one embarrassed when it was he who was drunk and flirtatious and talking business in silk pyjamas.

“Alright,” Inej griped, scowling at the self-satisfied grin on his face. “Enough of your brazen raillery.” Then, leaning forward again to fix Kaz with a glare, she said, “Do you want me to tell you the plan or do you intend on flirting yourself into oblivion instead?”

Kaz wisely covered his ensuing laugh with a cough and made a half-hearted attempt at arranging his face into seriousness. He crossed one leg over the other. “I’m listening.”

“Good,” she said, steeling her spine. “Now, lucky for you I have a solution to both of our predicaments. My lack of funds and your lack of… stimulation.” She gave him a smile that suggested she knew exactly what she was saying. Kaz’s mouth popped open, but before he could say anything in his own defence, she barreled on, “Have you heard of something called the Iron Debt?”

He frowned. “The name rings a bell, but I can’t say I recall—”

“It’s a lost treasure,” Inej cut in. “Long ago, in a time out of mind, the founding fathers of a secret organisation buried a treasure deep within the world. This organisation was a guild of merchants who made and sold impossible artefacts of great power and fortune. They called themselves The Founders.”

Kaz nodded. “Them, I’ve heard of.”

“Then you’ll know they still exist today,” Inej said. “Hidden in the unsearched cracks of society—unknown to those who haven’t a care to look, and lost to those who don’t look hard enough. Rumour has it, their treasure, the treasure left behind by the founding fathers, remains lost as well.”

Another frown puckered his face. “So you want to... put yourself up for the job? Find it for them?”

“Come now, Kaz,” Inej said, levelling him a look. “What happened to that genius criminal mind of yours?”

“It’s currently intoxicated,” he deadpanned. “Give me a minute.”

“No, Kaz,” she said with a sigh. “We’re not going to find it for them. We’re going to find it first.”

A slow smile slipped across his face. “I like the way you think.”

“Oh? And what way is that?”

“Like a pirate.”

When Inej beamed at him then, Kaz looked for all the world like he’d been blinded by the sun. 

“Well, then,” she said, smoothing her hands down her leggings, “A pirate and a veritable King of the Barrel. Undoubtedly the most ferocious team the world has ever seen.”

“Indeed,” he said, and rising from the desk chair, he wended his way back into the bathroom. 

Inej’s face wrinkled in confusion as she peered after him—a hard thing to accomplish from atop a dresser. A fact she found truth in when she nearly toppled to the floor. 

There was shuffling and clinking behind the bathroom door. 

Just when Inej thought she might need to check on him, Kaz emerged again with two teacups and the bottle of very old whiskey he’d been busy making a sizable dent in when she’d arrived. The price of said whiskey, she was sure, could ostensibly pay her way for a good week or two.

“So how exactly do you plan on finding this long lost treasure first?” Kaz asked, setting the teacups down on the desk. 

Only then did she notice the cups were lime green and pink and dotted with teddy bears. Inej wondered how in the Saint’s holy realm these teacups had ended up in the filthy hands of Kaz Brekker, self-proclaimed Bastard of the Barrel.

“Haven’t the foggiest,” Inej said flatly. 

In truth, she did have a vague idea. She was just too much of a coward to admit what exactly that idea was until she was sure she had the facts right. If this was her job, she was going to execute it professionally.

Kaz seemed to read her thoughts because he gave her a knowing look as he poured a finger of amber liquid into each cup. A look which suggested he was waiting for her real answer.

“Fine,” she breathed, “I do have some leads. Leads which I’ll tell you about as soon as we’ve assembled a team.”

“Ah,” he said, extending a cup towards her. “There will be others.”

Inej took the cup from his hand and tried not to leap from her own skin when his fingers grazed her wrist. Gooseflesh rose in his wake. Then, Inej smiled. 

“As formidable a team as we two doubtless make,” she said, “I’m thinking we might need more help on our side.”

“I think,” he said, taking up a place leaning casually against the desk, “That would be very wise. What about your crew?”

“Oh they’ll be keen, I’m sure,” she said. “But I was thinking more specifically. We’ll need people with certain talents. People we can trust.”

Kaz caught on quickly. “You want to get the Crows back together.”

“Do you think it wise?” she asked, attempting to hide her hopefulness by looking down at the whiskey she now swirled in the bottom of her cup. 

She wanted this. Badly. 

Of course, she hadn’t fooled herself into believing it would be just like old times. Inej knew everything was different now. So much had changed. But the fact of the matter was, Inej didn’t miss this place so much as she missed the people she’d come to care for here. And she wanted to think they missed her, too. 

So she waited with bated breath for Kaz’s response.

“I think you are very wise, Inej,” was all he said.

Her eyes snapped up. “Don’t butter me up, Kaz,” she said, setting her teacup down on the dresser. “And don’t sugar coat it, either.”

“Fine,” he sighed. “I think it might prove… difficult, roping them into a grand scheme like this.”

“How come?”

“Well, for starters,” Kaz said, placing his cup on the desk and folding his arms across his chest, “Matthias is dead.”

Inej’s jaw dropped. 

He’d said it as if it were an innocuous comment. As inconsequential as mentioning the weather outside. If she was honest with herself, she almost laughed from the sheer shock of it. 

“I thought you said not to sugar coat it,” Kaz said when Inej, still staring at him dumbfounded, floundered hopelessly for words. 

“I meant in terms of straight answers, you incredible arse.” Inej glared, ignoring the way his lips quirked up at the corners when she cursed. She crossed her arms over her chest. “I’m well aware of Matthias’s whereabouts, Saints rest his soul.”

There was a pause in which Inej refused to look at him. 

She stared at the soot stain in the carpet again and thought she might be better friends with it at that moment than she was with the man who thought making quips at their deceased friend’s expense was a smart thing to do.

“I’m sorry,” Kaz said, and when she looked at him she thought he looked genuine. Though it could have been a trick of the light. “Look, Matthias is gone, Nina left, Kuweii is… gods only know where. Which leaves Jesper and Wylan, and they’re… well, they’re—”

Her heart sank to her stomach. “Saints, Kaz,” Inej breathed, trying not to panic. “What happened to Jesper and Wylan?”

Kaz gave her a bemused look. “They’re happy, Inej,” he said quietly.

Silence settled, heavy in the air between them. 

Inej didn’t know why. Part of her was awash with relief that nothing truly devastating had happened to her two dear friends. The exact opposite, in fact. And she should be happy for them. She was happy for them. They deserved the love they’d found in each other.

But there was a second part to Kaz’s statement, an unspoken part, that tinged the silence with something like sadness. 

They don’t need us anymore, the silence said.

And a thought occurred to her—that Kaz had been living with this fact for much longer than he would probably ever admit. 

That thought alone broke Inej’s heart a little.

“Oh,” was all she could muster. “Thank the Saints for that.”

“We can ask,” Kaz murmured. “But I doubt they’ll agree to join us. Wylan has the business and Jesper won’t want to leave Wylan alone for so long.”

Inej nodded. “I understand,” she said. “We’ll ask. And if they say no, we’ll assemble a new team.” 

“I have a few people in mind,” he offered.

“Yeah?” She inclined her head. “Like who?”

“Jensen.”

“Jensen?”

“Mhmm.”

Inej narrowed her eyes, going to no great lengths to hide her suspicion. “I’ve never heard you mention a Jensen before.”

“Really? Must’ve met him while you were off being noble.”

“Huh,” she said, ignoring his jab. “And who is this Jensen, pray tell?”

“Ferocious thief,” he said. “Quick with his hands. Not bad with a knife, either. Might even give you a run for your money.”

“Doubtful.” Inej smirked. 

Kaz’s eyes glinted in the low light of the room. He was baiting her. She knew it. She supposed that made her a willing fish.

“Why would I hire him when I have you?” she asked. “You’re a ferocious thief. You’re quick with your hands. And I’m devastating with a knife.” Kaz hummed at that, his face full of amusement, which only fed her suspicions. “To be honest, Kaz, this Jensen seems like a redundancy I can’t afford.”

“Oh, you can afford him. He’ll do it for free.”

“No one works for free, Kaz,” she reminded him. “You know that. Not in our line of work. And especially not when the job involves life-threatening situations.”

“Jensen will.”

“How do you know?”

“Because,” Kaz said, face splitting into—dare she even think it—a shit-eating grin, “Jensen is a monkey.”

“A monkey?” Inej scoffed. “I thought you said he was a person.”

Kaz shrugged. “Semantics.”

“So you’re telling me a monkey is our best candidate for a new crew?”

Kaz nodded. “He’ll work for butter biscuits.”

Inej groaned and slid a hand down her face as Kaz’s terrible laughter rumbled through the room. 

“You’re incorrigible,” she said, trying to tamper down her own chuckles. A few escaped her lips despite herself. 

She knew it was a distraction. By some miracle, Kaz must’ve been able to read the tension in her shoulders like lines from a book. And for a moment, as Inej laughed at the absurdity of Jensen the pirating monkey, she’d felt that tension ease. 

It was probably the best kind of disappointment she could ask for at this point. 

“We’ll find a team, Inej,” Kaz assured her, more serious now that he’d collected his dignity off the floor where he’d dropped it. “It might not be with Jesper or Wylan. And it might not be with Jensen.”

“I think that would be wise,” she interceded, a smile ghosting at her lips. 

“We’ll find people.”

“People,” Inej clarified. “Not monkeys.”

“Fine,” Kaz sighed in mock regret. “I know of a parrot—”

She gave an incredulous laugh. “No animals, Kaz!”

“Right,” he said, drumming his fingers against the side of the desk. “Can we at least pay Jes and Wylan a visit, and kick their sorry butts at cards before we leave them to their domesticities?”

“That, I might agree to,” she said. 

And suddenly, she was remembering vividly all those nights between shoot-outs and scheming and heisting, when the Crows had gathered around a rickety old table to play cards. 

They’d bet on ridiculous things - like dares or a feathery hat the loser had to wear for a day - because all of them were skint and those things were better than money anyway. 

Usually, it was Poker or Bullshit, but many-a-game of Slap Jack had nearly snapped the table’s legs. There had even been a game of surprisingly competitive Go Fish or two when they’d exhausted all other options. 

Inej delighted at the echo of unmitigated ruthlessness of those games that danced across her mind.

The mischievous gleam in Kaz’s eyes told her he remembered, too. 

And as that gilded memory shimmered in the air between them, Inej felt warmer than she had in months. 

For all of his insufferable jokes and needling sarcasm, she found herself incredibly grateful for her friend, who had subtly reminded her that just because things had changed, it didn’t mean there were not still good times to be had.

“Then it’s agreed,” he said. “We’ll assemble a crew, get some leads, then take Jesper and Wylan for all they’re worth at the tables.”

Inej laughed and lifted her makeshift glass in a toast.

“What shall we toast to, pirate?” he said, lifting his teacup to match her own.

She thought for a moment. There were so many things to be grateful for.

“To very lost treasure,” she decided in the end. “And swindling the swindlers.”

“Pirate, indeed,” Kaz replied. 

Their glasses clinked, and Inej slid slowly into the warm refuge of her glass and the revelry of being home at last.

♠︎♠︎♠︎♠︎♠︎♠︎

AN: Hope you enjoyed this fluff chapter because I am Kanej trash and I enjoyed writing it very much. Thank you so much for reading! More (serious) chapters to come soon- if you’d like to be tagged in future updates, just shoot me a message/ask 🖤💫

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[deafblindshorty]

Home- A Star Wars Resistance Fanfiction

My first Resistance fic! I posted this on both fanfiction.net and AO3, and I decided to post it here, too. This is going to be a three-chapter fanfic dealing with a few beats I feel that Resistance is missing, and would make the Hosnian Cataclysm more gut-wrenching for Kaz (and the fans). The first two chapters take place before the Doza Dilemma, since that's when the First Order make their final strike to take over the Colossus.

I do not own Star Wars: Resistance. It belongs to Disney.

Chapter 1: Homesick

Kaz sat on his bed and stared at his now damaged lucky trophy in thought. The platform has grown on him over the last five months to the point where he considered this place home, but still he felt an emptiness. Beebee-Ate rolled up to him and beeped in concern. Kaz smiled down at the droid.

"Hey, Beebee. Just feeling a little homesick." Kaz replied. Beebee-Ate beeped in acknowledgement and agreed. "Oh, you're feeling homesick too, huh?"

"Who's feeling homesick?"

Kaz and BB-8 looked up to see Neeku walking towards them. "We are, actually."

"Oh. I get homesick sometimes, too. Especially if I see a sandbox." Neeku said. "Or bantha milk or bantha meat."

"You're from a desert planet?" Kaz asked.

"Yes. Tatooine." Neeku nodded. "I love sand. It's smooth and soft and pleasing and doesn't really get everywhere if you're really careful."

Kaz chuckled. "That's not like my home planet. Mostly city skyscrapers and buildings."

"Oh, Coruscant?" Neeku guessed.

"Yeah." Kaz lied and nodded.

Just then, Yeager walked towards the two. "Kaz, I have a few boxes of tools I need to haul out here. Why don't you help me out? After that, you get the day off."

"Okay." Kaz replied, grateful for the distraction. He stood and followed Yeager to his office. "So, where are the tools?"

"They're in the back. But first..." Yeager pulled up a holo-communicator. "I figured you'd want to contact your family and friends on your home planet."

"Oh..." Kaz replied. He looked away. He hadn't spoken to anyone on Hosnian in months.

Yeager was surprised. "Thought you'd be a little more excited."

"Well, it's just..." Kaz sighed. "I didn't exactly leave on good terms. I told my friends and my father that I left the Navy to become a racer. They were less than thrilled about that."

"Time heals all wounds. Maybe they've forgiven you and they miss you." Yeager suggested.

"Maybe." Kaz shrugged.

"Only one way to find out." Yeager shrugged. He walked out. "I'll give you some privacy."

Kaz nodded and sent a transmission to his father. "Father, it's Kazuda."

There was a long pause, then Senator Xiono spoke. "I'm a little busy right now, Kazuda."

"I know. It's just been a few months since we spoke." Kaz replied.

"What is it that you want, Kazuda?" Senator Xiono asked, his voice dripping with exasperation.

'You to treat me like a son and not a nuisance.' Kaz thought bitterly. "Your forgiveness. I'm sorry I'm such a disappointment to you, and I'm sorry I bothered you. Won't happen again." He shut off the holocomm and sighed. He knew that was a mistake. He wondered if his friends felt the same way his father did. He took a deep breath and sent a transmission to his best friend Hugh Sion.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Hugh. It's Kaz." Kaz replied.

There was a short pause and Kaz braced himself for the worst. "So...you leave the Navy to become a racer. You don't call. You don't write..."

Kaz was relieved to hear the good-natured tone of his friend's voice. "I know. I'm sorry. I've just been busy trying to get my racing career off the ground."

"Oh, well, please tell me you at least won a race." Hugh said.

"I didn't." Kaz sighed. "I'm just working as a mechanic until I can afford to buy a new ship."

Hugh laughed. "What? Dude, you are so not a mechanic!"

"Well, I'm learning." Kaz rubbed the back of his head. "So, how about you? How's Mia? Are you guys still in intelligence gathering?"

"Mia is good. She misses you." Hugh replied. "We both do."

Kaz smiled. "I miss you guys, too."

"So, what planet are you on? We can come visit." Hugh said, hopeful.

"Castillon." Kaz replied. "But, this isn't a good time. The First Order has been coming around a lot lately, and there's pirates."

"Oh." Hugh replied. "Speaking of the First Order, what was that intel we almost died delivering to the Resistance about?"

Kaz remembered Poe telling him the First Order is planning a full-scale attack on the New Republic. "I don't want to cause a panic. Just know that the Resistance is doing everything they can to stop the First Order from hurting anyone."

"Shouldn't the Senate hear about it, though?"

"They're not gonna believe that intel or that the First Order is a threat." Kaz shook his head.

"Yeah, you've got a point there." Hugh replied and nodded. "Are you at least going to visit?"

Kaz hesitated. "Not until I've won a race. I don't want to come home with my tail between my legs."

Hugh nodded in understanding. "Okay, fine. I get it. I'll see you eventually, then."

"You, too." Kaz replied and shut off the holocon. He sighed and sent one more transmission to Mia.

"Oh, hey, has anyone told you you look a lot like my friend Kaz?" Mia greeted, smiling.

Kaz chuckled. "Okay, I know I haven't been in touch for a while."

"Five months. Count 'em. Five months." Mia replied.

"I'm sorry. I just..."

"It's okay. You don't have to explain." Mia said calmly. "I get it."

"You do?" Kaz asked, surprised.

"Yeah. Your father made you go to the Academy, made you join the Navy..." Mia shook her head. "I figured you'd rebel against that eventually."

"Yeah, I'm rebelling, all right..." Kaz muttered under his breath.

"So, was it worth it? Leaving the Navy?" Mia asked, folding her arms.

"Yeah, actually." Kaz replied, smiling. "I'm learning to fend for myself, to stand on my own...I feel like a different person now than when I was in the Navy. Honestly...leaving was the best thing that ever happened to me."

Mia nodded and smiled. "Well, I'm glad you found your corner of the galaxy, Kaz. But, listen...don't be a stranger, okay? We miss you."

"I definitely will." Kaz promised. "Good-bye, Mia."

"Bye, Kaz."

Kaz turned off the holocon, smiled, and stood up. Yeager walked into his office from his private hangar. "So, how'd it go?"

"Good. Thank you for letting me do this." Kaz replied, smiling. "I was feeling a little homesick, but I'm not now."

"That's good." Yeager replied. "You're from Hosnian, right?"

Kaz nodded. "Republic City."

"Are you going to go back to visit someday?"

Kaz shrugged and sighed. "I don't know. I mean, I'm on a mission for the Resistance right now. After I've completed my mission, I will have been gone a long time. I don't know if I'd recognize it."

"Well, just don't wait too long to make a decision, or it could be made for you." Yeager advised.

Kaz nodded and smiled. "Thanks, Yeager." He started walking out.

Yeager cleared his throat and jabbed his thumb over his shoulder. "I still need help with the toolboxes."

Kaz spun his heel and walked towards the back.

[kazmorosov]

|| bill skarsgard, cismale, he/him || ( kazaran morozov ) is a ( 25 ) year old ( senior ) at rockport university studying ( business + literature [TA] ). people say they are ( ardent ) but also ( stoic ), and remind others of ( coffee rings on crisp paper, losing their sense of reality, hushed arguments ). bet they sure didn’t expect anyone to know about ( his plagiarizing to succeed and honor his terminally ill mother he killed ) but someone does, and ( kaz ) better cooperate if they plan to keep their lives. || james, 20, EST ||

hi i’m so sorry this took a long ass time to put out but im herE lmao here’s my baby

tw; murder, addiction/substance abuse, abuse mentions,

gen. info:

full name: kazaran nikolai morozov

nickname(s): kaz

b.o.d.: december 14th

label(s): the escapist, the academic, the fallen, the philanthropist, etc.

height: 6′4″

hometown: bangor, maine

sexuality: str...aigh...t ? question mark ?

biography:

born to a self-made businessman and a philanthropist with a penchant for odd names

his father’s a russian who moved to the u.s. in his childhood who still has many...unique, ties, to the country though none of those are important

his business involves military equipment and he works closely with the u.s.’s military (ahsdfghk conspiracies ?)

and his mother was a plain jane (literally--her name was jane) from a family of politicians; his uncle’s a senator

kaz is the eldest out of seven children (christ) and yes all of their names are just as excessive as ‘kazaran’

grew up with the pressure of the ‘golden child’ title; kaz had to be perfect at everything he did, from his grades to after school activities to manners and presentment

was always expected to follow in his father’s footsteps and like ?? partner with him once he was old enough? 

which is fine and grand except kaz had never given a shit about his father’s business; his real passion had always been for the arts, particularly literature and even more particularly poetry

he found that the arts was probably the most...free, kaz could get, without actively rebelling against his father

b/c god . . . his father is a force to be reckon’d w/

very strict man, likes to be in control constantly, not the...best, emotionally towards his family. or verbally. sometimes physically. y’know.

this really only...amplified, kaz’s perfectionist attitude. it was mostly out of fear of repercussions than much else

kaz has, however, always loved his mother.

jane is the opposite of their father, a woman who loves the world and everybody in it with this...heart of gold, and best intentions in mind

the only problem was that she was horribly submissive to her husband

aNYWAys okay, kaz grew up fairly unscathed but only because he was so...conformist, y’know?

loves his siblings and would die for them, but god--he’d have to side with his father just for his own sake, which definitely strained his relationship with a few of ‘em

AnywAys again; was pretty well-known in his high school

for being like, intimidatingly tall but also was fairly popular? star of the track team, student gov president, in DECA or whatever.

went to rockport just because it wasn’t...too far from home, and partially because he wasn’t allowed to go out of state.

and he was fine w/ it, man

his mother got sick his freshmen year, however, it wasn’t...horrible, at first

it was concerning, yes, but the doctors said she was going to be fine

jane was pretty...adamant about not letting her condition effect her children, too, so she acted as if she was fine

kaz, being a dumbass, was like alright fine this is fine and went on w/ life

sophomore year he met his soulmate; a future veterinarian named freya

n i mean he just...fell for her immediately, y’know ?? n ig she felt similar enough b/c they started dating immediately

it was really...good, for him; especially as his mother’s heath had suddenly taken a turn for the worst

kaz wound up taking two years off of school to care for his mother; his father was gone more often than not, and he felt as if his younger siblings shouldn’t have been burdened with the task

and well...jane never got better, only worse

it was at the point where the doctors had sent her home, knowing that nothing else could be done--she was confined to her bed, and miserable. in pain, really.

one...day, as kaz was tending to jane, she broke down. i mean, just, a full on emotional breakdown, a complete episode, begging him to just...put her out of her misery.

and, god, kaz had never disobeyed his parents (minus his studies in literature but y’knw what. . . not important rn) but that was so ?? morally ?? conflicting ??

they cried together for a long time until y’know. deciding what to do.

as soon as she had fallen asleep, kaz put a pillow to her.

he was never...caught, tho that may have involved some bribery on his father’s end who knows

the day after the funeral, kaz proposed to freya and she agreed.

and it really should’ve been fine if kaz’s mental health didn’t rapidly deteriorate like...he was not handling it well

freya helped, yes, but she could only do so much

turned to drugs, particularly painkillers after a minor car crash and just...a mix of shit, y’know.

probably stole drugs from his fiance’s job tbh

got on antidepressants, which only worsened his shit b/c he started ?? occasionally hallucinating his dead mother ??

his creativity had also just. shat on itself. he couldn’t write, no matter how hard he tried

his mother had really wanted him to pursue his dreams, and god, he was too far in his degree to drop literature

so he started....plagiarizing, his works, b/c kaz is a whole ass idiot. but he hasn’t gotten caught yet, somehow

his fiance thought the cruise program would be a great way for kaz to possibly, recover, since she could see how bad he was doing so he weNt because of her

also yes at this point he had gone back to school; had even gotten a TA position because he used to be...one of the best in his class, y’know ?

anyways yeah im paraphrasing this all horribly but idc u get the point

drug addict, mercy-killed his mother, loves his fiancee, tortured soul, y’know all that

personality:

likes to pretend he’s much calmer than he actually is, y’know

likes the whole aloof and distant thing b/c it’s already so easy for him to be intimidating

he can b a lil snarky, a lil sarcastic, but he’s overall always been really well meaning?

can be extremely passionate about his hobbies, or his future wife, or really...anything he mildly likes, tho, y’know?

gOD is he always feeling so guilty, tho, it really weighs him down

but he’s also like...usually high, sometimes u can tell but more often than not u can’t ??

because he’s obsessed w/ seeming okay. and doing okay. and being that average dude next door, y’know?

he wants to be normal, to feel normal, but he’s got this wave of emotions crashing into his chest and he’s in sm pa i n constantly

like he’s got major anxiety but u won’t know unless u catch him in midst of a panic attack and like he’d rather die than somebody see that

probably journals as a way 2 like...cope, and keep himself calm

uuhh he’s like lowkey a huge softie. will cry at sad movies and won’t care tht he’s crying about it

takes teaching rly seriously but he’s also always concerned somebody’s going to figure out that he’s just. a fraud.

smart, with dumbass energy

like he just...sometimes doesn’t think ??

loves his fiancee a whole bunch but this distance thing is...sm harder than he thought it would be. she’s his anchor and he’s just ?? floating aimlessly now

but yeah he’s always acting like he’s okay, like he’s gucci.

uuuhhhh god i dont know what else to say tbh ?? he’s just. a mans. being a mans.

probably doesn’t sleep super often b/c not only is he a TA, but he’s got some mf nightmares man

wanted connections:

got a girl best friend but he needs a...dude best friend?

other friends in general, honestly

professors he’s got some sort of relationship with b/c he’s working for penelope rn

a flirty unrequited thing, where they keep tryn but kaz is like nO i am TAKEN look at this photo of my beAUTIFUL FIANCEE

ppl pissed at him for the grades he’s given them LMAO

people...concerned? for him?

bad mf influences who are like LET’S GET FUCKED UP

a dealer y’know. somebody on the ship who can give him what he wants which is a Lot

uuh let’s brainstorm together, bb

like srsly just. gimme a like, i’ll pop into ur dms w/ my messy tall son and be like let’s fuck him up !

[raaidens]

17, 18, 31, 41

17. character you don’t understand the hype over? 

fuckin. big boss dude. i mean i like him alright but i just don’t understand the popularity? he ain’t that great. solid is, like, waaaay more interesting as a character imo (ppl are free to like him ofc i’m just not rly Invested like i am w/snake)

18. game you think is underrated?

okay lloyd we both know why u asked this and we both know what i’m gonna say

its mgs2

like ok in the tumblr fandom its decently popular but when i was a wee lad on the internet i used to run into cishet dudebros who thought 2 sucked bc of raiden and i would get in fights with said dudebros (mostly on like. random forums where i’d make an account just to fight and then leave) because i love mgs2 with every fiber of my being and i realize now that a lot of people also love mgs2 with a similar passion but i still maintain that until every soul on earth loves mgs2 it is underrated ok its so fucking good

31. a character you relate to?

i think we all already know how much i relate to raiden so i’m actually gonna talk about another character i relate to bc i don’t wanna bore the world with me talking abt how i relate to raiden again. so uh actually i also really, really relate to kaz??? which alright i could have guessed going into peacewalker and mgsv (and then coming back around to mg2 when i realized i still relate to miller when he’s old and sad and not just young and sad, go figure). like idk i relate to his younger peacewalker persona w/the performative charm and the trying to get laid mostly to avoid thinking about being sad, and in like a totally different way i can relate to the whole anger/vengeance thing in mgsv and i my bpd ass rly rly relates to the way he clings to bb and hates and loves him at the same time bc that’s classic borderline behavior and i have done the same thing to so many ppl so many times dude 

41. how did you play the games: chronologically or by release date? which order do you think is better?

alright so, originally i played mgs2 first bc my friend’s brother had it and i wanted to play it bc i saw raiden and he was cute and then like.,.. that was it. i read a summary of mgs1 so i could figure out what was actually happening when i replayed it (tho i ended up playing it like... four times before mgs4 came out). i didn’t play 1 bc i was like “ew ps1 game those are hard and scary” (keep in mind i was literally 8) and i skipped mgs3 bc i didn’t care about big boss (some things never change lmao). i played mgs4 when it came out when i was like 12-ish and basically cried myself to sleep for like months and had a mini gay awakening when i realized how gay hal and dave are for each other (once again, some things never change). and then after watching a lp of mgs1 and a year of perusing fanfic and writing things that were once posted on ff.net but have since been lost to the ether, i left the fandom for like 6 years. and then last january i showed my best friend and my bf that part in mgs4 where otacon tells u to change the disc and then he’s like “o wait this is a ps3 lol” and that somehow convinced them that it was time for them to experience the series and we played thru the entire thing in order of release. 

[breezeinmonochromenight]

(Reposting this ask because I can’t even edit the html anymore on that other post and this was too much typing to let go to waste.)

Sure sure, not a problem! I can at least try. (:

Warning: This is super fucking long and spoiler-y for pretty much all of Big Boss’ story arc from 1964-1984 after the cut. But it’s Metal Gear, so... even the summaries are long. Lol.

To start: I’m of the opinion, with the way Kojima does things in his games, that Adamska/Ocelot was already tied by the red thread of fate, in a way, to Big Boss, just by being The Boss (The Joy’s) child.

That said, pretty much all of Ocelot’s actions define his relationship with BB as the trustworthy right hand man. He is the model example of the double reverse quadruple agent, and literally the only person and/or entity he never backstabs (or, really, does most of his backstabbing for) is BB.

It’s easiest to break down Ocelot and BB’s interactions (and, in turn, their relationship) in an actual timeline of Ocelot Betrayals™ events vs. by game.

1964: Ocelot was ordered by the CIA to aid Naked Snake / BB in Operation Snake Eater. He gets soundly defeated by BB and is absolutely awestruck/fascinated by and/or possibly in love with him (later on, anyway). BB even stops EVA from gunning him down, allegedly because he was "still young," but BB had actually had taken a liking to him. Ocelot continues to maintain his cover as a GRU operative and decides to aid Snake covertly, and even fires on Volgin during BB’s fight with him. Additionally, their entire exchange at the end of MGS3 prior to Ocelot jumping out of the plane heavily implies mutual like and understanding of each other and that they’ll meet again.

1970: Okay, so here’s where it gets a little messy. The events of MGS: Portable Ops are not really considered canon, since Kojima didn’t write/direct it, but elements from it are alluded to, so I’ll keep it brief. Ocelot recovers the Philosopher’s legacy but is sick of the American Philosopher’s in-fighting, so he goes back to doing what he does best. He had a “mysterious benefactor” aiding him at the time (Major Zero) (because he is a top tier CIA triple agent at this point) that he was going to bail on, but, after an exchange of information about genomes and creating the perfect soldier, he agrees to join the Patriots - under the condition that BB joins.

Post-Portable Ops but pre-MSF Mother Base destruction by Cipher in 1974: Back to canon. Zero, Ocelot, BB, Sigint (who would go on to become known as DARPA Chief Donald Anderson in MGS1), Para-Medic, and EVA form the Patriots as a successor to the Philosophers to carry out The Boss’ will - create a world without borders that could be considered ‘whole’ again. Zero and BB clash over their interpretations of The Boss’ will and how to carry it out (for the record: they both get it colossally, spectacularly fucking wrong).

BB is iconic at this point, though, so if he leaves, the Patriots fall apart. The Les Enfants Terribles project is greenlit as a type of insurance policy to attempt to keep the Patriot’s icon in place and to make sure the genetic legacy of the so-called "Legendary Soldier" gets safeguarded. It backfires spectacularly. BB is (very rightfully) fucking pissed and severs all ties with Zero, and starts Militaires Sans Frontières (MSF) in 1972 with Kazuhira Miller as his SIC / XO.

Here’s where we start to get to the really important stuff: Ocelot remains with the Patriots as a spy while also maintaining his position in the Spetsnaz GRU, and the Patriots become known as “Cipher”. HOWEVER, because Ocelot only genuinely respects / admires and/or is potentially in love with BB (depending on how you wanna look at the subtext), he secretly deeply resented the policies of the Patriots and the shit Zero pulled on BB. He’s the wrong person to cause these feelings in.

(Also IMO, and for what it’s worth: I feel like Kaz’s position, whether you consider it platonic or romantic, is what Ocelot wanted to be to Big Boss and did his best to be, and it created a point of contention between Kaz and Ocelot.)

1975 (post-MSF destruction by rogue Cipher strike force XOF): Ocelot was contacted by Zero for the last time. Zero wants to create a body double of BB. Ocelot agrees but is skeptical, but regardless, they create Venom Snake using hypnotherapy. Ocelot also reaches out to Kaz at Zero’s request. Kaz isn’t the idiot pretty boy he comes off as, and (rightfully) doesn’t trust Ocelot whatsoever, but they agree to work together out of mutual admiration and/or love for BB to keep him safe.

1975-1984: BB and Venom remain in a coma, Ocelot explores his torture fetish. Gains Shalashaska moniker. Not much to say to their relationship here lol.

1984: Ocelot had fully allies himself with Diamond Dogs and is the stand-in XO after Kaz is compromised (captured). When BB and Venom wake up, Ocelot aides their escape from the hospital in Cyprus as Cipher attacks and the Man on Fire shows up.

At the same time, Ocelot retrieves the REAL Big Boss from the ambulance crash site while Venom is KO’d, supplies BB with clothes, an eyepatch, a motorcycle, a cover identity, and the body double's U.S. passport. They share a cigar and talk about BB creating actual Outer Heaven while Ocelot guides Venom and Diamond Dogs against Cipher. Ocelot even plans to go through (and eventually does use) self-hypnotism to protect the ruse and recover his memory regarding the truth at an appropriate future date.

(Fun Fact: In Mission 2, if you repeatedly tranq Ocelot, he’ll mutter “2 + 2 = 5” in his sleep. This is a reference to doublethink - where a person firmly believes in two contradictory narratives. Ocelot is constantly doing this most of his life, but especially does so in MGSV. He’s literally hinting at the truth, right there. He knows Venom is fake, deep down. But his “2 + 2 = 5” is him believing Venom is real, while also believing Big Boss is real.)

Essentially: It’s not so much as them reconnecting and becoming friends as much as it is Ocelot being absolutely devoted to Big Boss without question, and Big Boss being very aware of that total, unwavering devotion and putting his full faith in Ocelot in return. Their relationship grows from that understanding and works because they never need to reconnect. They are always on the same page.

Even a person like Kaz, who arguably knew BB better and possibly way, WAY more intimately (lmao) was not so hopelessly devoted that he’d willingly be strung along by him. It’s why Kaz is absolutely (and rightfully) fucking seething at the level of betrayal that’s gone down in the final conversation with Ocelot in MGSV and ends up making good on the threat to train one of the Les Enfants Terribles (Solid Snake) to kill the man (Kaz is literally the only person to successfully get so close to killing BB - and knew the man well - this is a very legitimate threat) and Ocelot trains the other (Liquid Snake) out of recognition of that threat and in pure fucking retaliation (who he eventually betrays). All for BB.