#again tamers version explicitly

[kideternity]

I like generally all of the characters in tamers and I wanna specify here when talking about him I mean the tamers version explicitly but MAN do I not like Ryo. Fuck this kid bro

[somelazyassartist]

I'm. Not going to go into a huge ramble right now because I've done it before and I'll probably do it again later but I am running off of zero sleep and a sonic the hedgehog g fuel so if I talk a lot now it WILL end up incomprehensible but. Just a tiny post since I am thinking about it.

[Edit: it became a huge incomprehensible ramble anyways. It's under the cut if you want to see opinions on the TAZ graphic novel (and sorta the fanon) versions of Taako. But please dear Istus do not think I'm talking about the entire fandom it is just one specific brand of fanon-interpretation I'm talking about, NOT the fandom as a whole please I know enough about Tumblr's reading comprehension to know I should probably put a warning here now that I am talking about a specific trend and not an entire group of people who all have different opinions and also that this is ALSO just my own opinion myself. Oh and also this isn't meant to be like an attack on anyone it's just a personal peeve so if I sound frustrated that's just a Me Thing not me being like mad at anyone in particular Thank you very much genuinely for reading this and understanding]

But like,,,, does it bother anyone else or is it just me that the fandom's perception of Taako has become like. WAY more of a stuck-up ass than he ever really was in the podcast ever since the graphic novels came out? Like don't get me wrong he is a dick but he's never been, like, cruel for the most part.

But like, putting on HtbG (podcast) and then putting him next to the gn version of him is like.... Almost not the same character to me? It's like most people forget podcast Taako started out as the "dumb but sweet joke character" who was constantly slow to pick up on social cues and who the other characters repeatedly would take pity on and make fun of for being "the idiot of the group". And again he is a dick but he's not, like, Seriously a Mean Person!!

Also a decent chunk of the "antagonistic" stuff later on is still a continuation of him not getting social cues like in the beginning (for example, his bit where he threatens Angus for potentially becoming a better wizard than he is, realizing afterwards that his tone didn't come across the way he intended and that Angus interpreted that as being serious, and backtracked to try to clear up that he didn't mean to come off as serious and only meant it as a joke. And also says very explicitly in the same episode that he intends for most of his "mean" behavior throughout the series to come off as joking between equals and he doesn't mean for other people to take it seriously. He just says that.).

And he has, like, unspoken morality about what "harmful" things he does too, especially when it comes to like stealing stuff. If you listen to the podcast he (with very VERY VERY few exceptions) only ever steals from people who are dead- who will no longer be using those items and would be letting them go to waste unmoved- and people who have directly wronged him or his loved ones from his point of view. He actively tries to stop the other two from stealing from innocent people!! There's a whole scene where he establishes he isn't comfortable taking from people who don't deserve it and who need that money!! And then you go into the exact same scene in the graphic novel and.... He's exclaiming that he's going to steal a bunch of shit. Not just any shit, the exact shit he was trying to STOP the others from stealing in the podcast.

Which just doesn't feel like Taako at all!! In fact when he stole and sold Angus' grandfather's silverware and realized Angus really didn't deserve that, he felt guilty about it and tried giving some of it back for him and making up for the rest with quality time and magic lessons! but now when I look at fandom stuff (at least what I've come across) it seems a lot more people lean towards the more kleptomania-fueled dickhead Taako than the much tamer original version, and I have to say I prefer the original more!! He has so much more dimension to me in the podcast- not even because there's more time to flesh him out there than in the gn- but because while he is rude and foul-mouthed at times he has pretty explicit limits and will get upset if people try to force him to cross it! (Also seen with his elevator-related PTSD and him having a very reasonable breakdown when his emotional limits were repeatedly crossed with fair warning from him he'd freak out if forced into going in there..... which got cut from the graphic novels as well because of course it did).

And going forward, with gn Taako being so much more selfish and inhospitable than the original version, I feel like they might cut out his "I'm not a piece of meat" scene in TSG, because if they DO keep it in there's no way to me personally that it'll feel earned in any regard- tell me when in the graphic novels has he pretty much ever shown the genuine humility that the original version carries under his standoffish persona. I don't see it, and I don't think whatever happens between Crystal Kingdom's gn and The Suffering Game's gn will be enough to make that scene feel genuine to me. I really, honestly believe that.

Of course there's some things I do like about the graphic novels and I'm more than willing to give the next ones a fair shot (Crystal Kingdom was a lot better than I expected it to be!) but I really, really, REALLY don't like how the graphic novels (and to a small extent, the fandom) really over-emphasize how mean he is to people when if you listen back to the original in a lot of cases he's much more mellow and kind or is just not picking up on other people's tones/social cues and is being misinterpreted (both by other characters in-fiction and/or certain listeners) because it's established in the text he's bad at picking up that sort of thing

[xionshadow]

Ship bingo

*The wheel spins again*

Uhhhhhhh

Riddle/Hayato

Sigurd/Riddle/Hayato

Hiren/Dante

You have brought an mini essay onto your doorstep. Most of this will be under the cut for length and spoilers reasons. If you haven't read Undertaker Riddle, I suggest you do cuz nothing in this will make sense if you don't.

First! Starting with the main pair who drive this wonderful manga, Riddle/Hayato.

There is something so DELIGHTFULLY interesting about them. Could be the fact that the funky contracts Undertakes have are basically mini engagement rings. Could be the fact that both parties share part of their souls with the other.

WHATEVER IT IS. They are gay by default in my eyes. Despite Riddle never doing more than kissing Hayato's ring finger to make the contract ring appear (which is so funny when you read the pilot. Like The tamer version is in the pilot. How is it TAMER in the pilot for the manga?), the two are like basically a married couple? But like the old bickering phase is first and then the honeymoon phase at the end? AND DON'T GET ME STARTED ON THAT ENDING?! Just,,, LOOK these two are an item. Do not separate thing if you will. Which is sorta funny how often Riddle fucks off to god knows where in the manga.

~~~

Next!! Dante/Hiren!! The second gayest thing in Undertaker Riddle.

I Almost marked down "They're Exes" thanks to the Dante is kidnapped arc, but decided against it. Cuz Dante doesn't even know what a Hiren is. While Hiren is just,,, he's going to be okay but he will break down and cry if Dante looked at him sideways.

These two are literally do not separate. While Hayato gets sorta antsy when Riddle runs off, that's because Hayato is functionally useless without Riddle by his side. Dante got fucking KIDNAPPED, and Hiren's response was to cry and wail like a toddler who dropped their ice cream on the floor before impulsively and (accidentally) kidnapping Hayato on a quest to find Dante.

Hiren is like THE POOR MEOW MEOW. You feel bad for him like seeing a kitten in a downpour. But the second he finds Dante (and almost dies before recovering thanks to Hayato) he goes from poor kitten in the rain to just sopping wet kitten. And then he almost single handily murders like 3 people. Stopping short ONLY because Dante never explicitly told him to kill them and was merely protecting his beloved.

Once they are properly back together as contracted undertaker partners, (which HIREN BABY, THE WAY YOU DID THAT WAS SO FUCKING DANGEROUS. YOU WERE LITERALLY GONNA DIE TO.) they work SEAMLESSLY together. Hiren is like brutal on the battle field, while Dante is verbally the most abrasive man out there.

Of course, I should mention how Roen basically says that Dante is gay to his face. Pointing out that he's "changed" and he's acting like a guy who has a wife and kids basically. Before questioning if it is Hiren, and Dante getting sorta defensive before being drugged. Poor Dante.

They are so gay, the both of them. And the official art makes me feral out here okay?

~~

Sigurd/Riddle/Hayato. I saved the best and MOST SPOILERY ship for last.

OKAY. IF YOU HAVEN'T READ THE MANGA, GO BACK TO WHERE YOU CAME FROM. THIS WILL BE SPOILERS FOR THE FINAL ARC. THE WHOLE MANGA IS ONLY 46 CHAPTERS LONG. GO READ IT.

With that being SAID. They are exes, there is attempted murder on Hayato and successful murder on Sigurd. Hayato and Sigurd literally share a soul, so they are basically the same guy. Hayato and Riddle are literally fated to be enemies due to how the plot works and yet same foes for Sigurd and Riddle w/ Hayato. Riddle is SO codependent on Sigurd. Man refused to let anyone in after the king's death so he couldn't become distracted from his goals. Riddle's devotion to both Sigurd and Hayato is just---- MMM. It's so painful. They are sweet as much as they are toxic. And Thematically? It's just perfect.

We good? Cool.

Now this is literally JUST canon for the manga! Straight up, this is how Riddle sees his and Hayato's... situationship. Riddle is doing EVERYTHING with Hayato to get his former Boyfriend/Husband/King back on the throne and destroying the catacombs together.

Riddle and Hayato end up having a proper funeral for Sigurd, and all ends well ya know? But that WHOLE final battle is just, so gay. Especially since Sigurd looks like Hayato in his late 20s. Like idk man, seems sorta fruity to me, but maybe I'm tripping.

(I would have a picture, but there isn't a picture of them together in color. Shame really.)

[clouds-rambles]

Eyo,! Is it okay if I request a xiao and venti (separately) x reader that writes and sings really dark songs? Maybe their singing in a different language, so venti and xiao don't understand? If you need a reference for a song they react to, "suck it up" by maretu feat hatsune miku? Sorry for my english I suck.

My inbox rn is filled with such great submissions that I wanna answer them all right away but damn I’m gonna have a fat nap after writing this <3

Anyway hi of course it’s totally cool beans and don’t worry about your english i understood perfectly! My shameless ex-emo brain went straight to black veil brides while I was reading this ask and omg brain stop rn thanks xoxo

Pairings; (Seperate) Xiao, and Venti x reader

Warning(s); edgy songs ig, mention of trauma

Keep reading under the cut!

Venti

It’s not unusual for you and Venti to be humming along to similar tunes though occasionally you’ll hum something he doesn’t actually recognise. Which is rare for him

He probably won’t directly ask you what it is your singing because it’s bugging him a little bit that he doesn’t recognise the lyrics.

Eventually he does just ask you, which flusters you a little. Your famed bard boyfriend is asking you about your own music. You can’t help but feel a little intimidated

A little flustered you explain that you write music and it was one of your original compositions. That makes sense as to why he couldn’t place the song

He then presses you about the contents of the song, to which you explain that because you hail from Inazuma you had decided to write music in your native tongue over the common tongue of Teyvat

Venti is there like ‘wow why have I never thought of that’ he presses you about what you sing about to which you get a little flustered about

“Well it’s a little complicated” you tell him trying to completely dodge the question

“It’s okay! I can wrap my head around it!”

“Well I sing about the bad stuff that’s happened rather than the usual upbeat things you like to sing about” you explain rather flustered. Venti nods along with you seemingly more understanding than you had expected him to be

Although you aren’t really sure how you expected him to be when he eventually found out about the things you sing about

Venti being a great artist and understanding boyfriend sits down with you and composes his own song in a similar nature to your own, though he opts to create it in a language long forgotten, the language of old mondstat and his bard friend

Xiao

Xiao doesn’t explicitly pay attention to the lyrics of songs, if he likes how it sounds he’ll ask you to sing it for him again which more than once has caused you just to become flustered with the fact that your boyfriend likes the way your compositions sound

It takes him a while to notice that you’re not singing in the common tongue but that of mondstats language, which he is very much less than versed in

It takes Xiao a while longer for him to ask why you sing in your homes tongue over the common one to which you reply “it feels more personal that way, if suddenly someone spoke to you in a language of your childhood would it not feel more personal?”

He can’t help but agree, Xiao’s memories tease him with flashes of his childhood before he became the warrior he is now. The memories often show him his mother singing a soft lullaby in a language that even Xiao himself has almost forgotten. If he was a musician he would surely do a similar that

Xiao doesn’t really question the contents of your songs, you seem like you’re putting a lot of emotion into your work, he knows it’s your way of venting. Just like his own way is to fight the darkness that likes to claw its way into Liyue

Though at some point just like how you insisted to join him on his escapades through the country at the dead of night, Xiao brings up your songs expressing interest in what your singing about

Its a little awkward, while on the escapades with Xiao at night you can assess his emotions without asking outright. The adeptus before you is asking you to spill your heart of emotions that you barely have the confidence to write in your native tongue

You opt to tell him about one newer song, you translate the lyrics into the common tongue for him and his eyes read the words

“It’s about me?” he asks seeing through the thinly veiled metaphors. You nod as he continues to read the lyrics. You half hope he doesn’t ask more questions. He doesn’t.

Xiao can’t help but feel like he’s reading your diary with the emotions that are written on the page. The song is mainly about him, your concerns and the traumas that you have to accompany the relationship. He feels like you gave him a tamer version of what’s actually written. But he doesn’t mind. You’ve just exposed his heart for him to see and all he wants to do is kiss you

[shihalyfie]

A timeline of Ken’s fall into the Kaiser persona

The timeline of Ken meeting Wormmon and going through a sequence of events that made him into the Kaiser is relatively unclear, especially because Ken’s own memory is distorted, but production notes and other minor clues in the anime hint at a timeline that works with it:

August 2000: Ken goes on some kind of adventure with Akiyama Ryou and Wormmon

Late 2000-early 2001: Osamu dies

Around 2001: Ken goes on a second adventure with Akiyama Ryou, is hit by the Dark Seed, Oikawa sends him the fateful email, Ken visits the Dark Ocean

Late 2001-early 2002: Ken begins his conquest as the Kaiser

Yep, that’s right: Ken went on two different adventures with Akiyama Ryou.

A further breakdown of this timeline is under the cut!

So the thing you’re probably wondering is “wait, this is supposed to be a Tag Tamers tie-in, but Tag Tamers doesn’t make sense with this at all! Didn’t it say Ken went on an adventure with Ryou in March 2000 right after the Diablomon incident?” The thing is that for as much fanfare as there is about Tag Tamers being important to 02′s timeline, in fact, very little of Tag Tamers makes sense with 02 itself, and the game is is so contradictory that it doesn’t actually help you understand 02 much at all. This is, unfortunately, par for the course with Bandai licensed games, which don’t exactly have the greatest track record of keeping true to anime characterization or being remotely consistent with it at all (Daisuke’s characterization in Re:Digitize is borderline insulting), and everything we know about Adventure and 02′s planned lore doesn’t make sense with it either. In the end, we’re just going to have to follow our very loose attitude towards the concept of canon and default to the anime’s depiction of things for the sake of this particular analysis, pulling from Tag Tamers only when we can incorporate details from it in a way that doesn’t contradict everything.

02 episode 33 has Ken explicitly bring up the idea of “an encounter with a Digimon” that led to him becoming a Chosen Child happening in August 2000 (Koushirou had just mentioned the recent wave of Chosen Children having had a preliminary encounter via the 1999 incident). Unfortunately, we don’t know any more than this, due to Ken’s own memory failing, and the subject is left there.

(Again, yes, this is contradictory with Tag Tamers, but remember that said depiction of “Ken and Ryou watching the Diablomon incident” also contradicts Ryou clearly being seen by himself in Turkey in Our War Game! The anime is consistent with itself; the game is the outlier here.)

So when the Digivice emerged from Osamu’s computer (actually meant for Ken) in the flashback in 02 episode 23, we see a very young Ken with a purple shirt. Let’s take a closer look at this design.

We’ve received a lot of versions of this design sheet over the years, but all of them are consistent about one thing: this design depicts Ken as nine years old, in third grade. (Whether it gives grade level or age depends which version of this reference sheet you’re following, but everything is consistent about this.)

All of Ken’s various designs as depicted in this episode and other flashbacks are very clearly marked and depicted, and even the younger design of “Ken at the time of blowing bubbles with Osamu” has its own sheet (he’s four years old at that point). Moreover, the above nine-year-old design has an explicit instruction on this particular sheet: “please use this for his interactions with Osamu,” meaning that this is the design everyone was instructed to follow up with during any scene where Osamu is alive.

The Animation Chronicle confirms that this happened in August 2000, so it seems to be shortly after Ken’s “initial encounter”. (Or maybe this is the “initial encounter”? Ken might have conflated both.)

This is the same design Ken is depicted with when he first is sucked into the Digital World (again: he’s clearly depicted as going in alone, not with Ryou as Tag Tamers depicts). While Ken’s memory is understandably very muddled, a lot of the details here make sense with each other:

The worst thing we see of this little venture is Wormmon having to fight a Gazimon. It’s not a big deal of a thing they have to fight through.

It’s clearly short enough that Ken can go in and out during the duration of an afternoon without anyone in the real world noticing (besides Osamu).

Ken’s looking like he had a lot of fun -- definitely not the kind of thing that seems like he went through a lot of trauma.

It’s unlikely anything much of a big deal happened during this point, other than some emotional bonding with a new best friend.

Osamu also died shortly after, given that Ken is still depicted with this design in the surrounding events as depicted in 02 episodes 21, 23, and 45. (Spring 2003 also refers to the titular spring as “the third spring” since Osamu’s death, confirming that Osamu must have died within the time period of late 2000 to early 2001.)

Ken is depicted at Osamu’s funeral in 02 episode 48, and while his clothes are different and we don’t get a full-body shot of him, note that there’s attention paid to making sure his design aligns with the above purple-shirt one -- his bangs drop in the center, rather than pointing left.

However, Ken remembers a trip through the Digital World in 02 episode 43, and Ken is depicted with a very different design that doesn’t match up with the one depicted in 02 episode 23. This has often been passed off as animator error, or Ken’s memories perhaps being extremely muddled, but what we know about the surrounding circumstances doesn’t actually suggest that...

This design is consistently written in notes to depict Ken as ten years old, in fourth grade. Not only that, if you look closely, Ken is visibly slightly taller, so it’s not just a simple question of clothing; his bangs are also depicted as pointing left, the same way they’re generally depicted with him at eleven, and not dropping in the center the way his nine- and four-year-old designs depicted.

On top of that, the surrounding circumstances behind this adventure depicted in 02 episode 43 also seem to be very different from what was depicted in the one from 02 episode 23:

The battle is clearly depicted as being against Millenniummon, and, regardless of whether this is following Tag Tamers or not, that’s clearly a big deal of a defeat.

Ken’s injury from the Dark Seed is enough to completely send him on the verge of death, which probably would not elicit the same kind of casual reaction he had during his emergence in 02 episode 23′s flashback. It was mild enough that Ken “recovered from his injuries and went home,” but that’s definitely not the kind of thing you’d expect to result in Ken be emerging with a big smile on his face (especially since Osamu’s violent reaction back then was implied to be out of jealousy for Ken’s happiness). Moreover, Ken returning in a poor state of health would probably be much less likely to be noticed by his family when Osamu is dead (and therefore not there to notice) and Ken’s parents are deep in grief.

This incident is the one that directly caused Ken’s trauma, meaning it’s more likely that this incident is going to be the one that got scrambled up in memory (it didn’t take long for Ken to recall his initial adventures with Wormmon in comparison back in 02 episode 23).

Ken refers to this incident as “two years ago”, but recall that, on top of his own unreliable testimony and scrambled memory, 02 episode 43 (when he brings this up) takes place during late December 2002, meaning that an early 2001 date doesn’t necessarily fall out of the question here, and it’s also not the first time 02′s final quarter taking place at the very end of December has thrown off date references. (02 references to “age” and “relative time” are often very rough in general and a bit too overly realistic, considering how long of a period 02 spans over and the question of things like exactly how long Daisuke can be said to be “eleven years old” over the course of the series, or the fact Osamu is said to be 7 when Ken is 4 and 11 while Ken is 9, so the more important part is paying attention to the fact the design sheets are so explicit about referring to different things.)

Moreover, this design of “ten years old, in fourth grade” is used in 02 episode 23 to show the events that we retroactively know happened right after that:

Once Ken had the Dark Seed in him, it makes sense that Oikawa wouldn’t hesitate to reach out to him, since he now had a great opportunity to exploit him mentally! Remember that this design debut all the way back in 02 episode 23, which meant that we knew that there was some kind of “timeskip” between Osamu’s death and Oikawa emailing Ken, but...if that were all there was to it, why would Oikawa wait so long between Osamu’s funeral (which clearly had Ken with his nine-year-old design) and now, especially since this “timeskip” would have given Ken extra time to mull over and recover from Osamu’s death? It makes much more sense when you apply 02 episode 43′s context that Ken’s Dark Seed implantation happened between Osamu’s death and the email, with Ken still having a really horrible year mulling over Osamu’s death, then getting dragged out like this and having something traumatic stuffed into the back of his neck that had the potential to feed on his already thick emotions of grief, and finally being at the right emotional point for Oikawa to make use of him.

It also explains why the Kaiser didn’t become enough of an issue to merit intervention until all the way in April 2002 -- presumably, of course, the Holy Beasts needed time to prepare, but if Ken wasn’t implanted with the Dark Seed until 2001 and Oikawa’s email shortly after that, that means Ken building up his persona as the Kaiser only really had less than a year to form (especially since 02 episode 23 states that Ken suddenly “doing well in school” didn’t start happening until Ken roughly got to the same height as Osamu was when he died, and the illusory meeting between the brothers in 02 episode 49 shows that Ken’s not actually that much taller than said height at eleven).

Moreover, if you do know the development circumstances behind Tag Tamers and 02: Tag Tamers already existed by the time 02 episode 23 was released, and so did Ken’s ten-year-old design (hence why it and Ryou’s design consistently show up together in concept art). This ten-year-old design had already been associated with “the time Ken got hit with a Dark Seed” (which really seems to be the only holdover in common between Tag Tamers and the anime) by the time 02 episode 23 was made, and despite that, Ken was given a completely different nine-year-old design for the flashbacks in 02 episode 23 that consistently got its own sheet. And you can’t say the animators forgot the ten-year-old design existed, because they clearly were fine using it for the other flashbacks in 02 episode 23 that happened to not be that flashback -- it’s hard to easily pass that off as “animator oversight” when it’s conspicuously introduced in the anime in a context it’s not known for and only revealed to be in its original context later.

Why did they suddenly change designs and depict such a “timeskip” back in 02 episode 23 when, if it really were supposed to all be related to the same events anyway, they could have just reused the designs and called it a day instead of making a whole new model sheet for an entirely new one? Whole entire character designs don’t just come up for no reason, especially when sheets are so consistent about them corresponding to different things, and the nine-year-old design seems to be made specifically for the purpose of having a distinct one for anytime Osamu was alive -- so it’s much more likely that this distinction is actually intentional (regardless of whatever the game says in terms of specifics).

As an amusing side note: Ken’s unusual height has been pointed out by a lot of people, and it’s sometimes been speculated as a bit of fridge horror that his unusual height growth might have also been impacted by the Dark Seed (especially given the 02 episode 23 comment about Ken reaching Osamu’s height correlating to when he started expressing similar “genius” tendencies), but even putting aside the fact he’s consistently portrayed as tall even in Kizuna and the epilogue: if Ken indeed got hit by the Dark Seed at 10 instead of 9, that means the kid had some pretty considerable height growth between those ages even before anything supernatural came into play. His father’s also tall, and Osamu was pretty obviously around the same height as Ken at age 11, so there’s clearly something in the Ichijouji family overall. Ken’s just tall.

[evax3]

A dragon is not a slave

In my current process of rewatching GoT I realized, that Daenery’s time in Astapor just sums up most everything I really love about her. Here’s why:

[spoilers ahead]

S3E3

First, we see her walking down the Walk of Punishment with her buddies Lord Friendzone and Ser Barristan I’m-never-too-old-for-this-shit. She wants to give water to one of the crucified slaves, but he refuses (she ALWAYS takes care of the people in need).

And Jorah the explorah is like: If you want to sit on the throne, you must win it, and that will mean blood on your hands.

And Dany returns: The blood of my enemies, not the blood of innocents.

(I’m looking at you, David and Dan, because she said it explicitly!! But I’m not going to rage about it anymore …)

This shows, that she is well aware of what war means, that she cannot simply win the throne with a democratic discussion, like, you’re aware that this chair actually belongs to me, so please step aside guys? Blood MUST be shed, but not that of innocent people, who got nothing to do with the matter (!!!)

We go on to visit our homeboy Kraznys, who is so fat, that Dany thinks he has bigger breasts then hers …

(another irritating casting decision of the show, because he resembles Kraznys mo Nakloz from the books, like Jennifer Lawrence looked like Katniss Everdeen in the Hunger Games, but again, I’m not complaining)

Our dear friend insults her wherever possible. Missandei is super cute and tries to de-escalate the situation a bit, but of course she doesn’t know that Dany’s doing her favorite move. Just pretend she doesn’t understand a single word.

(I really admire her patience, this guy’s such a bloody clown.)

She makes a deal, one of her dragons for the Unsullied, and I’d like to slap Jorah in the face because he’s so naive. Like she’d seriously give away one of the dragons! They’re her children, you idiot. How long have you been with her?

She takes Missandei as “a present” and then we get one of my absolute favorite Dany quotes ever:

Dany: You know that I’m taken you to war. You may go hungry, you may fall sick, you may be killed.

Missandei: Valar morghulis.

Dany: Yes, all men must die. But we are not men.

Bam! That’s my gurl! 

In these moments, Dany is the absolutely perfect feminist for me. She fights for the recognition of the woman in such a clever way, that I find myself sitting in front of the TV, putting my fist in the air for solidarity. Because there are differences between men and women, not as many as some men often pretend to be, but they’re there. So, these are no weaknesses! We should be proud that we are women and not try to be men …

(I run off the topic, so I stop here, because this post is not about feminism and so, go on to the next episode)

S3E4

We have to wait till the end of the episode until Dany gets her big moment, but really, it’s worth it.

First, we get a good overview of the size of the Unsullied and Krazy is babbling some stuff while Missandei continues to translate everything, like the busy lizzy she is.

Everyone is kind of tense, especially Jorah, as if he’s about to storm off and say, No Khaleesi, please not the dragon, take me instead! (It’s not so far off that he’d do something like this, right?) Even at the first time watching I wasn’t afraid that she’d give away the dragon, especially not Drogon. It was obvious back then, that he was definitely the MVP of Team Fire and Blood.

Dany gets a short reassurance, that the army is really hers now, and when Krazy Baby doesn’t understand why the dragon doesn’t obey him, she dissipates his ignorance.

(It’s really cool to see her address the Unsullied, but the best move is when she turns back to the supposed dragon tamer.)

Dany: A dragon is not a slave.

Krazy is totally surprised, like wtf, she understood me the whole time? But he doesn’t have much time to apologize. Dany starts her typical I’m Daenerys Stormborn of the House Targaryen speech, albeit in short form, and it’s pretty clear what comes next.

Dany: Dracarys!

That gives me the same goose bumps as when she first used the words in the House of the Undying. She fights her enemies with fire and blood. The Unsullied show whom they serve now and slaughter all masters. And this is really what I love so much about this episode, she is just totally badass, but with so much style!

And just like in the previous episode with Missandei, she gives the Unsullied the opportunity to leave. But of course, everyone stays and shows their affiliation in their own little version of We will rock you.

But that’s what Dany is all about! Each of her followers is with her because they chose her! Even the honorable Jon, in his recruitment for the Battle of the Bastards, refers to some oaths people have sworn to House Stark centuries ago, but Dany doesn’t need that!

To cap it all off, she ends the whole chapter with a time-equivalent variant of the Drop the Mic gesture and moves on with her new (really huge) army. Now she really is in full bamf!Dany mode, and I love it!

(so, turns out, this has somehow become more of a review, but while writing I realized, I had to get it all out.)

[tessatechaitea]

The New Titans #60

First time in my comic book reading history that I noticed how much Nightwing's symbol looks like the torso of a woman in a skimpy top.

It's difficult beginning a new New Titans comic book when I'd let myself believe I was finished reading them all. It's especially difficult to keep reading this comic book when the first page includes this warning:

You don't have to tell me twice!

Apparently my brain disagreed with its first assessment that the comic book didn't need to tell me twice because it reread the warning and idiotically read it correctly this time.

Dammit! Why did I already read Batman #440?! Now I'm practically locked into reading this!

Looking on the bright side for the second time in my life (the first time was when I realized that when I die, it'll most likely be in some horrible accident in which I won't have time to register that my life is ending and therefore I'll never actually know I've died, easing swiftly into the loving embrace of non-existence!), I thought, "Well, Batman #440 was written by Wolfman and it was a decent read. How terrible can this comic book be?!" But that pleasant thought was completely undone when the first panel reminded me of something I had yet to consider:

Fuck. Cyborg was still alive at this time. I'm fucking bored already!

Well, looking on the bright side who loves seeing a character yell "Booyah!" constantly, this comic book should be a real treat! I do feel a little bit of white guilt creeping in around the corners when I voice my indifference of the most boring character in the DC Universe because he's black. Especially with Donald Trump's recent explicitly racist tweets and the GOP's rush to hide behind other members of the GOP in the hopes that they won't have to shrug apathetically on camera when asked about the tweets. But it's not my fault that DC Comics chose to make their most boring character an American black man! Would it help if I said some of my favorite DC characters were black? Nope. Just heard how that sounds. Not better! Paragraph breaks don't do as much heavy lifting as I need them to. Sometimes after I've written some commentary, I'll wander off to another part of the Internet to take in some sights. Then when I come back, I sometimes want to discuss what I've just experienced. But going from one paragraph to another, readers just think they're reading it in real time as I wrote it. What I need are paragraph breaks that represent the amount of time I was away (but not what I was doing while I was away or they'd all be variations on "Gone five minutes. Jerked off to Sailor Moon porn where Rei surprises Usagi in the shower and teaches her how to masturbate" or "Gone ten minutes. Watched an erotic massage video and spent most of the time fiddling with the sound so the downstairs neighbors couldn't hear it. Turns out 3 out of 100 is still to loud for some women's orgasms" or "Gone three days. Couldn't take reading another Wolfman New Titans comic book and wound up just playing thirty games of Apex"). Between the last paragraph and this one, I went on Twitter where Andy Richter posted Fats Domino's version of The Beatles' "Lady Madonna." My only response after hearing it was, "Holy fuck." Seriously, I never want to hear The Beatles' shit version ever again! I also just noticed in the above panel, Cyborg accidentally stuck his penis plug-in to the side of his face! Whoops! Back in 1989, Cyborg wasn't capable of contacting anybody in the DC Universe immediately. So he's having trouble finding Dick Grayson. He tried his pager and...well, that's about it! It was 1989! If somebody wasn't sitting by their phone, you didn't have many other options when trying to contact them! This is probably one of the moments where much later DC editors looked back at Cyborg and realized he needed to be more powerful. I'm not arguing that he definitely needed to be more than a white noise gun that said "Booyah!" but they could have realized he needed to be interesting as well. Hell, it's not long after this issue that Marv Wolfman completely gives up on him and smashes him into bits. Having no other options but to risk exposing Batman's secret identity by putting calls to Wayne Manor on the Titans phone records, Cyborg gives Bruce a call. I'd understand interrupting Batman's hectic life if the world were on fire but the big emergency right now is that some weird kid looking for Dick visited Kory while she was practically naked (no wait. She had a towel on after showering so her body was more covered than usual). Batman is busy dealing with Two-Face even though it's the middle of the day. I think maybe Alfred lied to Cyborg. I bet Batman's taking a shit. Dick has gone back to Haly's Circus to find himself.

I bet these two clowns are actually old white land developers responsible for the circus failing! Their next trick will be to dress up like ghosts and zombies to scare everyone away!

A third clown named Harry comes out of a tent and passes out in Dick's arms. Can you imagine blacking out as a clown? You'd probably wake up in an unknown tent with no make-up covered in lion spit and shame. Dick meets with Haly and is all, "I read about the circus closing down and I couldn't figure out why. But now that I'm here, I totally get it!" And Haly is all, "Fuck you, Dick! You try running a circus in 2019! I mean 1989! Oh, yeah, I guess I should probably still have been able to trick idiots into thinking freak sideshows and abusing animals was still cool." Haly actually blames the failing of his circus on too much TV and too many video games. Obviously Super Mario, Tecmo Bowl, and Duck Hunt (hee hee! You thought, "Cunt!") were way more fun and interesting than sitting in a smelly tent being terrorized by people in greasy face paint but Haly really should take a little responsibility for his own business failings. Dick arrives and in ten minutes, he's already washed an elephant and kept a drunk clown from breaking his neck. Maybe get off your ass, Harry Haly, and fix up your shit. Haly also mentions that there's been a rash of accidents that have kept the selling price of the circus down. I bet it was those fucking clowns!

He's talking about his penis so yes, Dick, he has to ask.

While at Haly's Circus, Dick Grayson witnesses the origin of Clown Batman!

Later, after Bozo Wayne grew to an adult and was wondering what direction to take, a clown crashed through his window.

Tensions are running high at the Haly Circus as some performers want to circus to be sold so they can move on and others just want things to remain unchanged.

Finally, a clown that makes me laugh!

During the show later, Wilhelm the lion tamer gets his throat ripped out before Dick can save him. Dick was disguised as a clown so Wilhelm probably bled out as Dick was struggling to take off the stupid shoes. Tim Drake is in the audience watching because he's smarter than the entire Titans team put together. Later, Tim and Dick team up to find out who's been sabotaging Haly's Circus. It turns out it was the little person and the strong man. So typical! It's totally who I thought it was and not those two clowns from earlier. That was just a red herring I was throwing out to confuse you. The team-up doesn't make me like Tim Drake any better. But then Tim makes an admission that warms my heart and I can't help but love the kid.

Wolfman knew what he was doing.

At the end of the day, Dick Grayson buys half of Haly's Circus to help keep it afloat (with Bruce's money). Then Tim shows him the pictures of Batman battling Ravager that he took in Batman #440. He pleads with Dick to go back to help Batman cope with the death of Jason Todd. "Batman needs Robin!" he argues like a nerd doing his thesis on Batman's inexplicable need to endanger minors. Dick takes the kid seriously because who else has ever figured out that Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson are Batman and Robin?! Only the smartest man on Earth and he won't do that for another twenty five years! The New Titans #60 Rating: B+. Apparently it's the Titans that make the Titans comic book suck. Concentrating on Dick Grayson and his relationship with Batman and the circus (and even this new upstart kid that loves Dick) causes Marv Wolfman to be at his best! My guess is that it's the lack of Cyborg that really makes the book shine.

[thetygre]

Arthurian D&D Books

So before the tumblrpocalypse hits us all, I guess I better belt out that mini-review of D&D books that deal with Arthurian legend for @magitekbeth, @fuckyeaharthuriana, and @lucrezianoin. These are specifically 3rd Edition books since that was the edition I started with, and it also had the greatest body of material to work with. 3rd was famous for its glut of books by third-party publishers, and Arthurian mythology was a recurring subject under the Open Source Rules (OSR).

That being said, Arthurian legend has always had some form of presence in Dungeons and Dragons. It is very openly an inspirational source in the fantasy gumbo that is D&D. The original 1st Edition Deities and Demigods included ‘Arthurian Heroes’ in it, along with gods from just about every pantheon. 2nd Edition had a supplement detailing Arthurian legend, though for the life of me I can’t find it.

But let’s start cracking on the 3rd edition books. Atlas Games’ Love and War isn’t necessarily about Arthurian legend, but it is about knights, particularly the romantic characterization of knights that is attached to a lot of versions of Arthurian legend. The book is built around the four concepts of knightly virtue (love, valor, piety, and loyalty), with special knightly orders and character options for each one. It expands outward into fantasy rpg territory a bit more by also offering race-specific concepts for knights, such as orders specifically for dwarves and elves.

Since it doesn’t have to explore Arthuriana, that also gives Love and War more room to explore knight concepts that other books here typically don’t; female knights, knight duos, fallen knights, etc. And as is standard for most of the books mentioned here, Love and War also introduces a variety of subsystems for a chivalric setting, including tournaments, piety, honor, and renown. Interestingly, one of the subsystems is courtly wit, which is a non-combat system meant to emulate the verbal sparring and social maneuvering present in stories about nobility and knights. Again, not Arthuriana, but recommended.

I’ve already talked about I, Mordred before, and it’s what got me thinking about this list again. Like I said there, I just feel like the premise of fighting an evil King Arthur alongside Mordred as the good guy just didn’t go far enough. If nothing else, Morgan le Fay should have been at least Neutral instead of still being cast as Evil. Really, everybody needs to be some kind of Neutral to really get an ambiguous setting of competing factions with no clear ‘right’ choice. Personally, I still want to see a version that goes super-hard with the alignment flip; paladin Mordred and white witch Morgan versus the half-demon warlock Merlin, his puppet king Arthur, and the death knights of the round. But then again, subtlety was never exactly my forte.

But this is where we get into the real good stuff, the books committed to Arthuriana. Relics and Rituals: Excalibur is the book of choice for if you want to plop a faux-Arthurian Britain into a high fantasy setting. It comes at Arthurian legend from a perspective that inherently has multiple races, high magic, and wandering monsters. You can play as not just a human, but a sidhe elf, halfling, dwarf, or even hobgoblin. Even half-orcs have made it in, though reflavored to be their own race of ‘Wild Man’.

Like most extensive themed campaign books, R&R: Excalibur takes an extensive look at what aspects of the base Dungeons and Dragons systems stays the same and what changes. For instance, some player character classes like fighter, rogue, bard, and paladin fit right in to Arthuriana, while other like the oriental-themed monk and the spell-slinging sorcerer are right out. (Regular classical wizards are still fine, though.) And, as is to be expected, there is a new knight class, though the author does note that it can seem somewhat redundant with the fighter and paladin still around, and its use is optional. There are a few prestige classes, with the one sticking out most in my memory being the classic Green Knight, complete with chlorophyll and resistance to decapitation.

There are a variety of essays encompassing everything from tournaments to the importance of knightly decor to honor and, perhaps most importantly, how to manage D&D’s vastly overpowered magic system and magic items into an Arthurian setting. There are no less than two pantheons, one Faerie lords and the other of this new-fangled ‘God’ fellow. Me being me, I mostly remember the chapter on how to treat different kinds of monsters; I was particularly fond of the idea of making the Fisher King’s cursed kingdom filled with undead trying to enact a danse macabre of everyday life, complete with skeleton farmers driving skeleton horses to plow barren fields. But again, that’s just me.

Relics and Rituals: Excalibur is definitely a worthy book for lovers of Arhturiana. But that’s the thing; it captures the spirit and tone of Arthurian legend, but not Arthurian legend itself. There’s definitely an appeal to it; something novel about the idea of jousting on a chimera, or cockatrice fights at the local fair, but it’s not quite the same. It’s high fantasy D&D stepping into Arthuriana, not the other way around. For that, for the real Arthurian legend lovers, you’ve got to get the real gem.

*Slaps top of book* This bad boy can fit so many knights in it. This is arguably THE book for Arthurian mythology in Dungeons and Dragons. Legends of Excalibur: Arthurian Adventures is a love letter to Arthurian legend. It starts with an incredibly brief summary of the history of Arthurian legend, from Wales to La Morte D’Arthur to John Boorman. LoE:AA makes it clear that it’s up to the reader to go research Arthurian legend for themselves; all the book can do is point them in the right direction. After that, it’s right into the content.

There are some pretty drastic changes made to the base 3rd edition D&D core rules before really setting in. The Alignment system is gone entirely, replaced by a character’s honor score. What are the character race options? Get out of here with that; LoE runs old school, so it’s human or nothing. What you do pick, though, is your starting social class, and that can make just as much difference as whether you have pointy ears or not. All the base D&D classes are chucked out except for fighter, rogue, barbarian, bard, and druid.

All that uprooting is fast replaced by a host of new character options. Legends of Excalibur is smaller than Relics and Rituals, but definitely packs more bang for its buck. The new character classes include the fool (with a special nod to Arthur’s fool, Dagonet), the hedge mage (new general mage/spellcaster), the hermit and the priest (for divine spellcasting), the minstrel (meant to represent more traditional Celtic/druid bards instead of the base D&D one), the noble (so that you can finally live out the fantasy of being rich and respectable), the robber baron (which is like the noble, but with more stabbing and shaking people down), the skald (another bard, but for vikings), the yeoman (Robin Hood/archer type), and, of course, the knight.

As if that wasn’t enough, there are a metric ton of prestige classes. Some are fairly bog standard, like the alchemist or berserker, while others are meant very explicitly to play into Arthurian archetypes. Remember how there was actually more than one Lady of the Lake? Now you can be one too. Merlin? Court mage. Morgan le Fay? Fae Enchnatress. And knights? Oh, you bet there are knight prestige classes here. There are no less than SEVEN knight prestige classes, including Quest Knight (specifically for seeking the Holy Grail), White Knight (to replace paladins), Black Knight (to replace blackguards/antipaladins), and practically every color knight in between.

Legends of Excalibur also offers rules for characters that advance beyond the standard level cap in the Dungeons and Dragons system, into the ‘Epic’ character levels. This is actually one of the reasons why I feel like Dungeons and Dragons can be a good fit for Arthurian legend. A character can start out as little more than a wandering soldier and advance to become as powerful as a demigod. While the typical image of Arthurian mythology is of a fairly low-fantasy medieval Europe, the actual source material, throughout its multiple incarnations, isn’t stingy about giving its characters magic powers, legendary equipment, and impossible challenges to face. While it still needs to be toned down to some degree, there is definitely room in Arthurian legend for the kind of superheroic powers that the Epic rules can bring. (Or at least as long as the setting keeps spellcasters to a minimum.)

This book isn’t just a guide to playing Arthurian characters, but the Arthurian world. There is a complete map of Arthurian Europe that has to reconcile Arthur’s given time with accounts of him rebelling against the Pope and fighting in the Crusades before Islam even existed. It’s a wonderful little detail, trying to account for everywhere that Arthur or one of his knights or relatives supposedly lived in or visited. Another detail is accounting for the the timeline; Legends of Excalibur designates five important time periods in the Arthurian cycle, from just after Uther’s death to the Golden Age of Camelot to the civil war with Mordred. Each period has different effects on not just characters, but the geography, people of the land, and magic. Try to go into the forests just after Uther died, for instance, and a character is likely to run into monsters like dire wolves. Go back when Arthur is on the throne, though, and the forest and its animals will be tamer. It’s a world very committed to the idea of Divine Right, and how a king affects the universe.

Of course there are monsters. There’s the standards; white hart, Questing Beast, though some more obscure monsters like a variety of werewolves are here too. There’s individual entries for monsters to describe their individual place in Arthurian Europe; chimeras and manticores are rare, ogres and trolls are common, etc. The real gem of the monster section, though, is giants and dragons; giants and dragons are staples of knightly mythology, after all, so they get special treatment. Just like people, dragons and giants are categorized by class and bloodline; a noble dragon, for instance, will have scales the color of gold and be the size of a castle, where a lowborn dragon looks like the wrong end of a snake and an umbrella. Naturally, there’s more Honor to be gained fighting one instead of the other. It’s a great system that reflects how, along with the King, giants and dragons are tied to the land.

But the cincher, the real hook that I think makes this book worthy of a true Arthurian legend fan, is the sample adventures and appendix. I, Mordred gave you one shot of teaming up with Arthurian big names; Legend of Excalibur gives you three. Fresh adventurers can help Sir Balin kill the invisible knight, possibly even averting the grail cycle by killing the knight before he reaches Pellam’s castle. More powerful adventurers have to choose sides in the civil war, and Mordred is once again an option. But my favorite of the three adventures has the player characters helping a young Arthur claim a castle. It would be satisfying enough to rub elbows with the likes of Merlin or Sir Kay, but then there’s a side-quest where young Arthur sees Guinevere and is instantly smitten, so he conscripts the players into acting as his go-between for her. Players have to deliver Arthur’s notes Guinevere. They can read the love poems he writes for her; they’re awful. It’s just such a wonderful little detail that it’s hard not to love it.

And then, finally, there is the appendix; a whole cast of Arthurian characters statted out. It would be impossible to cover EVERYONE, but Legends of Excalibur makes a fair effort. LoE remembers some characters that typically get left behind; Dagonet, Morgausse, Sir Bors, etc. Some characters, such as Arthur, are presented at different stages in their life. All-in-all it makes a good roundout for what I’d call easily the best book about Arthurian legend in Dungeons and Dragons, if not one of the best tabletop roleplaying.

If you scanned past all that; this is the book to get for Arthurian legend in D&D. Legends of Excalibur is the beginning, middle, and end of the argument for Arthuriana with tabletop roleplaying. Even if you don’t play 3rd edition, or even D&D, it’s still a valuable resource in converting Arthurian Europe into a tabletop fantasy setting. The only way you could get more in-depth is if you made an entire RPG about Arthurian legend.

But maybe let’s talk about that some other time, huh?

[kurojiri]

Youngblood dipped into war

Fandom: Harry Potter Pairing: Neville Longbottom/Pansy Parkinson Summary: Pansy Parkinson grew up believing in love, and when the coming war had started to shape her life she wondered again if love could save her this time. A/N: @slytherdornet, @hprarepairnet Word Count: 3,075 Additional Tags: internal struggles, falling in love, pinning, semi-canon compliant, enemies to friends, sort of, background pining darry

Or read on ao3

She hadn’t ever considered the following parts of her life changing so dramatically, of her mind swimming and suffocating when Draco told her and their usual crew of what had happened after the summer before beginning their fifth year. He never explicitly said what had happened in the walls of the Malfoy manor, but she had known by the way his skin was pale and how tired he looked when he tried to keep the image of being a proud Slytherin. It almost was pathetic how much she felt crushed herself.

To see the day when she began to doubt her family and the colors she wore for years, and now onwards in her fifth year.

She had always been a happy girl, with known privileges since her status had been high for a while. But the price her parents paid, and her choices becoming slimmer Pansy knew it would all topple in some manner. And it would be by Potter’s lot too. She would have loved to hex them, but she had also understood their stance. Young people were always monitored by their elders and fewer had the courage to stand up again the Dark Lord. It could have been simpler; but it couldn’t either because the war was more than Harry Potter and Lord Voldemort.

It was about principles that had been lost. Of the more rowdy and bigoted people that blew over the traditionalists views of conserving old practices and the overly progressive people feeling too ignorant of not being heard enough. The balance had tipped too far and extreme that it had been hard to be a pureblood with traditional views and not look like a bigot. Merlin knows her mother had trouble when the first war had divided the wizarding world in Britain. The few years since the demise, and now apparent resurrection had made it all feel real.

She was sure Draco had been acting for the safety of his family being, as they evidently had been chosen into helping their Dark Lord soon, as well for allowing his crowds find refugee in the Malfoy Manor for their meetings.

None of them said anything, knowing perfectly well, that soon the Dark Lord would eventually use more of Draco’s home.

It still didn’t make her forget about Umbridge.

The woman had been a terrible person. A deplorable example of someone how should have never been allowed to teach; she had been far too extreme with her ideas of how the world should have worked. On the outside Pansy did her best, she knew she had made her mistakes when she heard of the detentions. But self-preservation had taught her enough to survive that year. (Even if their hands and arms would still haunt her.)

Neville Longbottom was not just an idiot. He was a moron and far too much of a Gryffindor for her tastes. And yet, she couldn’t stop watching him. Herebology hadn’t been her area of expertise and while she knew she would have her strengths and weaknesses, she still wanted to gain better grades each year. It had been a mistake when she sat close to Longbottom and took notes of how he personally worked the plants they were introduced and the way he taught other people that asked him questions. They were far more helpful than the textbook explanations that Granger gave. He had a knack of being soft and tender.

He was not someone she should have found interest in, and yet, Pansy was losing control of her thoughts. She knew well enough, had enough experiences too, to understand where her heart strained. Draco had been the same when he struggled to maintain his own pretenses. Their little outings had been a cover. A brief steam of having them curling into balls of worries without having to maintain their masks.

She did not want to accept it.

The sense of having her old memories crashing and colliding with the present did not bode well for her. It had only complicated everything else that revolved in her life. Especially, when it concerned to Longbottom; he had grown since the first time she had to mingle in the same room as him in Hogwarts. Devastating really. All his old quirks had become enduring. It distracted her more the longer she anticipated and gravitated to his magic.

One day she wouldn’t be affected by him; she constantly prayed it would near. Until then, Pansy would just have to suffer until it would come or her heart to move along to another phase or face.

He couldn’t have picked the worst time to enter the greenhouse. Pansy had suppressed her tears, but it had been too late; he had seen her losing her heart. Longbottom, the ever gentleman didn’t outright mock her. Didn’t pity her the way she thought most boys did when they encountered a crying girl, he had been calm and patient. She didn’t give him an inch for her to clean her face and walk away. The air may have been heavy with her emotions and magic humming, but Longbottom had allowed her to pull her mask up before she left the place.

He never said anything about when he caught her again the next week.

He never did, and it annoyed her how his eyes were too kind and forgiving when she knew she had bullied him before. Honestly, sometimes she thought that the Gryffindors were hopeless as they were reckless. They could be so explosive with their tantrums and righteousness; however, Longbottom had been one of the rare ones where his angry never truly reigned in his actions. He started to gain more confidence within himself, and she had had seen it in random hallways and other classes they shared. (She didn’t want to acknowledge it, because if she did then she would lose more of herself for wanting something with him.)

But nothing couldn’t stray for the truth to not come forward. It had started subtle, but she had known that Longbottom had been becoming a new version of himself each day she looked at him from afar. His back straighten as much as he started to pry off bullies for the younger years. And as selfless he was, Pansy was becoming more lost. She couldn’t walk away from her path her heart took her to, and even with Draco being a lovely friend they both knew what would happen. She would lose the battle. Her heart would ruin her, just like how Draco lost his years ago when he met Potter.

They were such idiots for believing in love, and with having the war becoming more real with each passing day they knew their luck would run out soon enough. Neither could fault each other, and as much Pansy knew how wrong it had been to keep on hoping for love, she knew more that Longbottom was her own poison. They never interacted, and while she didn’t outright bully him anymore the rest of the world had still believed that she was a bloody wretch. (She didn’t correct them; couldn’t when she felt it had been impossible to even try to lessen the blow when she heard of other girls seeing what she saw first.)

Pansy Parkinson did not sneer, but it had been so close when she encountered The Golden Trio. She had been minding her own business when they appeared. The heated looks hadn’t been worse than before, the only difference was how Potter glanced at how she had laced her arms with Draco. She very quickly and with perfect elegance she might add, leaned her head on Draco’s shoulder. (Pansy wanted so much to laugh out loud at how she noticed Potter’s jaw tensed and how his arms and whole body really, became stiff when she matched her grin with his glare.)

Draco, being a good sport, allowed the public (but very mutual and platonic) affections. The side comments didn’t bother her, and while Draco had loved the verbal clashes he shared with Potter, Pansy grew tired of it. She loved Draco, she really did, but that had been the difference. He loved someone who was both stubborn and righteousness to butt heads with him; whereas, Pansy, she’d love a gentle lover that didn’t fear her whip of a mouth and streak of independence. He could have fun with his banters with Potter. She just wanted to live in the same world where she could love and not hide how afraid she was once they left Hogwarts.

(When they left the trio Pansy didn’t bother to look at how Longbottom had been too close to Lovegood and Weasley girl.

She would not show how much it hurt. She was a Parkinson, and she would not cry over a boy. Period.)

They never had a good reason to talk to each other. And that had helped her curb her desire to get to know more about him, it didn’t seem like he and the universe wanted the same things as her. It all bared when potions class turned the tables. Snape’s assignment had reached her table as people were called up and partnered. And as she grabbed her bag she heard Longbottom’s name with hers. She didn’t bat an eye, nor did she pity Draco for being paired with Weasley. Potter though, had been moved to a table behind hers and next to Draco’s. Granger had been lucky with her being partnered with Blasie.

The class time swelled up with her reading the instructions and having a sheepish Longbottom hesitating when he touched the ingredients. As he should! They both knew that she would be working for the bulk for them.

It still didn’t stop him from being a fair guy as he tried his best to collect, grind and chop most of the easier and tamer ingredients they had. He was a slow worker, and if they had all day Pansy was sure he could have been a mediocre assistant. Nonetheless, they didn’t and Pansy had to work with the double trouble while at the same time trying to give him a crash course of potions 101. She knew he had listened to her advice, but it still didn’t stop from him stumbling into having part of the potion destroyed.

It had been one of the rare days when Pansy had a terrible mark in that class.

And one when she didn’t explode outwardly. (She hated how his face paled when she calmly cleaned their workspace. And also, when they had missed their lunch for completing a makeup assignment for that failed mark to compensate their averages.

That had been the only good thing, with Snape liking her a bit more than compared to him loathing Longbottom’s work in his class.)

She had never understood why he kept quiet. Each time she had been left alone, Pansy restrained herself from walking up to Longbottom to find out his reasoning. Nobody could be that kind.

Nobody.

Only a fool—only, Pansy could (almost) see why he did.

Pansy had always valued people that could hide their intentions but still be pure. She respected those that had their flaws out in the open too without shame. Draco was her friend for a reason; they each been given requests, expectations, and they had always been walking in a tight sharp line. Neither of them had mastered being hanged, but they got close to it several times. She still wanted to be loved, but power and influence sometimes helped her survive another day in Hogwarts.

Longbottom had obviously learned to grow strong and humble under conditions others would have perished. Pansy knew that, had seen it when she didn’t want to, but it hadn’t helped her when she was once again inside a random greenhouse. She had not been crying.

Longbottom had. (Quietly, with few droplets falling when he had looked up at her loud entrance.) Pansy did not know how to broach the topic when it had been her turn to see him crumpled and alone.

“Longbottom,” her voice had been ambivalent. She had taken a step forward. Tentatively, as Longbottom studied how her face had been pale and flushed from the cold winds outside.

The corner of his mouth quirked up. It singed with emotion. “I’ll be alright. Thank-you for your concern.”

They had never been friends. Self-sufficient to say, she left with a pounding heart. It pounded harder when he didn’t look any happier the following days. Not that she had a good reason to care.

(But she did anyways.)

Longbottom and Pansy had been working on another section of potions together again, upon Snape’s request she and Draco would rotate working with him and Potter and Weasley. Verses with Granger and Patil working with Goyle, Crabbe and Finnigan. It had been an experiment that so far, had been working.

Her only complaint was how dense Potter was that Draco liked him back too. At least Weasley and Granger knew that she and Draco were not an actual item. It made it intolerable when she worked with Potter though, with him scrutinizing her when he thought she didn’t know. She laughed it off when it had been Weasley and Longbottom. As strange as it had been, Weasley lived in the same space of hearing from Potter liking Draco. (It had been because of that reason that they shared few stories of their lives with those hopeless fools when the potions had been long and tedious.)

Longbottom, though, his time with her had also changed. It became calmer and anxious; Pansy had remembered how cold and lonely he had been that day. She never brought up.

He did.

He had been in the middle of cleaning their cauldron when he spoke. It had been both uneasy and silent when his mouth moved. A hand brushed away some stray locks from his face.

“I’m sorry for snapping at you that day.” Longbottom had outwardly looked composed, the only thing she could pin that he had not been okay was how in end his words slurred into a sad hum.

Pansy could still comprehend what he wanted to do, what he prayed she would give him for all the hours and days he gave her when she had been the one crying. Her head nodded at the same she replied.

“It’s no problem.”

“Still.” Longbottom had always been known for wanting to get along with others.

Regardless of house, the older he got. (Sometimes Pansy could see why he had not gone to Hufflepuff but, rather Gryffindor.) His righteousness to be bold had made him daring to challenge others and their ideals.

“I mean it Longbottom. We’re sort of past that, aren’t we? With how many times you’d already seen me a mess. I won’t tell a soul, so long as you find a buddy to talk to about it.”

“Like how I am right now?”

She eyed him, “Depends. Do you really fancy talking about your worries with a Slytherin?”

Longbottom didn’t look output, he actually looked like he had been perfectly fine with talking to her. Almost relaxed too. Color came back to his cheeks as he rinsed the rest of their tools. “You haven’t pulled any hexes yet. I count that as us being okay to talk now. Or have I presumed too much?”

“I—” Pansy paused. “I don’t think your Gryffindor buddies would agree if you suddenly started to converse with—”

Longbottom didn’t bat an eye. “My real friends will accept it.”

She squared her shoulders, contemplating if it had been worth it to splurge a couple of more minutes with him alone in the potion’s classroom. “So longs you don’t go mopping on me. Merlin knows I already have to waste enough of me precious hours listening to my best friend pining over Potter.”

They chuckled together as they both have seen Draco and Potter when they bantered and aggressively started to flirt in their undertone insults. (They both really needed to confess. Pansy couldn’t handle another day of Draco whining and pinning.)

“But seriously, Longbottom. If you ever do need an ear to listen I’ll be there.”

She hadn’t meant for her own voice to have been uncharacteristically gentle with someone who had not been within her circle of confidants. He saw that; Longbottom had sensed how vulnerable they both were. With no witnesses left in the classroom his whole face lit up, quickly like a flower blooming under a high beaming sun. It blinded her how her own face burned too when it had been directed for her. Only for, and specifically her.

“Thank-you, Pansy.”

And right away, he pushed the limits by calling her by her first name and not last name. (He would be the death of her.)

“Only you Gryffindors and the Hufflepuffs get over excited when someone shows you a bit of empathy or sympathy.” There hadn’t been any heat in her words. They had been—playful. Borderline teasing. “As if, were friends for a long time.”

Longbottom’s smile didn’t disappear. “But wouldn’t that been nice if we had been?”

Yes, it would have been. Pansy thought.

If they had not lived in the same world they did now. One where the Dark Lord had not been brought back, and nothing could have hurt her to love him. Because in this one, her happiness had started to become thinner. Her own family would not agree. Could not when they had already pledged with Draco’s family to him.

She didn’t bother to reply for him to know her answer. Her own silence had been enough for them to know that somethings were nice to think about. Even if they would always be that, simple musings.

Pansy would not yet tell him everything that had been in-scripted inside her heart. She probably would never with the up coming war. But for now, she would bide her time on earth and foster these few moments with him. Because, it meant that it would be harder to continue loving him soon when they both knew the war would eventually part them away for their personal ideals and families’ concerns and views.

Pansy Parkinson grew up believing in love; and with the war coming screaming in the background of Hogwarts she wondered if love could save her this time around. If not, then at least she felt and known Neville Longbottom’s compassion when he had asked her to be his friend.