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luvhhannie · 5 months

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nothing new | y. jeonghan x reader

𓇢𓆸 synopsis: no one would’ve thought that unspoken feelings would’ve been the best for you and jeonghan

𓇢𓆸 genre: angst, non-idol au, mutual pining (if you squint), kinda slow burn romance, hanahaki disease

𓇢𓆸 cw: major character death, terminal illness hinted, swearing, blood and gore (at some point), yn basically being paths eren, a little bit of wonwoo x reader but mostly platonic, 96 line (wonwoo, woozi) to maknae line are all in freshman in uni, the rest of 96 line are in sophomore in uni, LOTS of references

𓇢𓆸 wc: 11.1k

𓇢𓆸 a/n: this is my first time in a while writing a fic again so please bear with me! and if you recognize my user from wattpad DONT remind me of my aki fic i lowkey completely forgot the plot. not really proofread i just wanna get this out there, ill edit it if i have to. anyways, all love!

“jeonghan, meet my sister, yn. don’t you dare hit on her now.” your brother, seungcheol, said to his friend who only smiled at you.

“nice to finally meet you, yn-ie. cheol told me how much of a supportive sister you are.” jeonghan stated as you stare up at him. today is november 13th, the day you finally met your brother’s so called “university best friend”. you only knew jeonghan from your brother’s talks and calls but never actually gotten the chance to meet him, until today. you knew from your brother that jeonghan was quite a “manwhore”, in your brother’s words. seungcheol was only a year older than you, already in his sophomore year in college, while you were still enjoying the gap year you were taking. you and seungcheol are practically twins, only you being more laid back than him. he was your only sibling and so are you to him, making him very protective over you despite your undeniably, small age gap.

“hey, it’s finally nice to meet you too. seungcheol told me a lot of things about you.” you said to the long, dark haired man infront of you. he gave a sheepish smile and raised his brows.

“great things, i suppose?” he slyly asked, earning a scoff from seungcheol.

“you wish.” seungcheol said as he plopped down on the couch, changing the show you were watching to a show he liked. you rolled your eyes.

“A LOT of great things.” you chuckled with jeonghan as you finally bid your goodbyes to stay in your room, letting your brother and his guest do their own thing.

november 13th isn’t only the day you met jeonghan, but also the day he captivated your heart. the day he hung out with your brother in your home’s living room, he suggested to go ice skating with seungcheol.

“i saw the nearby lake here while i was driving and saw some people skating, you wanna get some fresh air and skate? we can call yn too, if she wants.”

seungcheol agreed to do so when suddenly you came out of your room to grab a bag of chips from the kitchen.

“oh, yn! wanna come with us?” seungcheol asked you. you looked dumbfounded for a second, still continuing to grab your food.

“where? are you guys gonna kidnap me and sell me?” you asked as you take a chip and eat it. seungcheol flipped you off while jeonghan only chuckled.

“no? what the fuck? and if we did sell you, we’ll only get 5 bucks, max,” seungcheol said, earning a gasp from you, “but seriously, you wanna go skate with us? it’s at the lake near our neighborhood.” he said. you pondered but still agreed. seungcheol and jeonghan smiled.

“alright, you guys have your own skates, right? i have mine at the back of my car.” jeonghan asked as you and seungcheol said yeah.

“yeah, go get ready then, we’ll meet you in my car.” seungcheol said grabbing his keys and your guys’ skates. you ran to your room and fixed yourself up, coming to seungcheol’s car and sit on the back passenger seat.

arriving at the lake, you, seungcheol and jeonghan wore your skates and finally walked on the frozen lake. you stared at your own reflection on the ice as seungcheol scurried off, skating and laughing away. jeonghan was just right behind him when he saw you just standing and staring down. he skated back to you, only noticing his presence when you saw his reflection on the ice as well.

“you okay?” jeonghan asked you. you sweatdropped, embarrassed about what you were thinking about.

“yeah…” you said quietly. jeonghan stared at you softly and patted your shoulder.

“you sure? because just a while ago you looked like you were about to piss yourself.” he joked as you removed his hand on your shoulder, blushing in embarrassment from his words.

“no i did not! and i’m just a little scared since i haven’t skated in a while…” you admitted to him. he chuckled and suddenly grabbed your hand.

“come with me, i won’t let go of you until you’re comfortable skating on your own, yeah?” jeonghan comforted you as he skates further to the lake, hand in hand with you. you looked at your hand with his and looked back up to the back of his head. you pursed your lips and blushed.

“okay…” you quietly said, almost silently, only hearing the loud thumps of your beating heart. november 13th was the day your heart started beating for yoon jeonghan.

“merry christmas!” loud voices roared in the lit up room as you cheered gleefully. it’s been more than a month since you’ve met jeonghan, and tonight, december 25th, you finally saw him again. after exchanging gifts, a deep voice suddenly whispered into your ear.

“they’re a little bit crazy, huh?” your friend, wonwoo, said. you chuckled and lightly slapped his shoulder.

“don’t talk bad about your friends like that, wonu.” you said to him. you met wonwoo a month ago at a local game cafe. at first, you didn’t know who kept on beating you on a fighting game, considering you’re pretty good at them. until you got tired of losing for the nth time and walked up to the arcade stall in front of yours. there you saw a dark haired man with glasses, staring at the “you win!” sign on his screen. you walked up to him and he raised his head to look at you.

“you need something from me?” he asked you. you glared at him and looked at his screen.

“are you wonwonu96?” you asked with a glare evident in your eyes. he looked you up and down and nodded his head.

“you jjkl0vr? i beated your ass pretty badly in the past few games huh?” he teasingly asked, only making you irk more.

“well, i bet you’re cheating.” you retorted as he only shook his head.

“no, but i can show you a few tricks up my sleeve?” he asked and that’s what sold you to the mysterious man who kept on beating you on the game. you later on learned his name was jeon wonwoo and that you two were the same age. surprisingly, you two clicked as soon as the one sided beef simmered down in the game. you and wonwoo got dinner together and you later found out he had encountered something unfamiliar.

“you really had the hanahaki disease?! that’s fucking crazy, i’m sorry! it’s such a rare disease…did you tell them how you felt or got the surgery?” you asked him as you sipped on your hot chocolate. wonwoo sighed and took a bite of his ramyeon.

“i got the surgery. if i told them how i felt, i could’ve turned worse.” he admitted and you gave him a soft look.

“i’m sorry, wonwoo. you truly loved them…that means you forgot who they were huh? but hey! they do say there’s a lot of fish in the sea! or something like that.” you trailed off. you two ended up sharing numbers and became game buddies. after bidding your goodbyes and going home, you called your brother about what had happened.

“jeon wonwoo? i think he’s part of my uni’s esports club. yah! yoon jeonghan! you know a jeon wonwoo?” seungcheol yelled on the phone, asking jeonghan. you didn’t comprehend what jeonghan was saying, but hearing his distorted voice still made your heart beat.

“oh, really! just found out wonwoo is also a close friend of jeonghan’s younger buddies.” seungcheol spilled to you. you hummed as you lay down on your bed.

“but yn, i forgot to tell you but i’m coming back home for christmas break. jeonghan will be coming with me too, since one of his buddies is throwing a party. you wanna come with?” your brother asked you. you pondered.

“wouldn’t i be a nuisance though?” you asked your brother. you only met wonwoo today and now your brother wants you to come with him and jeonghan to a party of jeonghan’s friend? you suddenly hear shuffling in the background. your heart started beating louder when you heard the voice.

“you’re never a nuisance, yn-ie! and besides, i’ll be there! and so is wonwoo!” jeonghan said through the phone. you smiled and sighed.

“okay fine, what should i wear?” you asked him, hearing him chuckle and telling you that whatever you wear, you’ll still be pretty no matter what, earning a slap from seungcheol.

“i’m just saying yn, but how are you holding up? i know all of these guys are a little bit overwhelming and all.” he asked. you looked up at him and shook your head.

“i’m all good, meeting the other guys wasn’t actually that scary. i really like soonyoung, seokmin and seungkwan.” you said to your friend who chuckled.

“they’re the crazy bunch.” he said as he gets dragged by vernon, who told you that “you look a lot like seungcheol but prettier”, to play beer pong. you waved goodbye to your sighing friend and watched your brother and the other group play pool. seungcheol, jihoon, joshua and jun were chaotically playing as your eyes shifted to look for a certain dark haired male. not being able to find him, you sighed and continued drinking your cup of beer.

“you looking for someone?” someone said behind you and you flinched in surprise. you turned your head and saw the person you were looking for.

“jeonghan! you scared me!” you said to him holding your chest. he laughed and stood next to you.

“is that really the first thing you say to me after we haven’t seen each other in a month? wow, i thought you would say something along the lines of “jeonghan! i missed your pretty face, come kiss me!”” he joked as you blush. how the hell does he know about your tiny crush on him?

“crush? i don’t think so. you’re not my type.” you scoffed as he only looked at you with a smirk. he leaned in closer to you.

“your brother says otherwise.” he whispered. you blushed even harder and looked at him.

“shut up…” you meekingly said as he chuckles. he patted your head and put a hand on your back.

“did you like my gift?” he asked you as he pointed at the jewelry dangling from your neck. you held the moon shaped charm and nodded your head.

“i love it.” you said to him, as he smiled at you and held your hand.

“i’m glad, you wanna join us play pool?” he asked you. you nodded and looked over where wonwoo and his friends were.

“yeah, i don’t wanna get too drunk tonight.” you said to him and he shook his head.

“i get you. they’re a noisy bunch but i love them.” he said to you. you nodded and played pool with them. however, you got dragged by minghao, mingyu, chan and soonyoung to play beer pong with them. alas, you got really drunk after playing with them. minghao kept on insisting you to allow him to cut your hair since he’s having a “vision”. you ran away from him and sloppily went to where your brother was, who was also drunk in his end.

“you’re joking.” you slurred as you see your brother slumped on the pool table with jun and jihoon taking photos of him. joshua was just laughing while jeonghan was cracking up on a couch. joshua pulled him down and put him on the couch, next to jeonghan and a girl he’s talking with. suddenly, you felt throat tighten up and your heart starts beating faster. you tapped jun’s shoulder and ask him where the bathroom was. he looked at you with concern and pointed the directions. you ran your way to the bathroom and let all of the liquor out of your system.

“yn? are you okay?” a familiar voice asked behind you. you were kneeling down on the cold tiled floor and looked back.

“i’m good, jeonghan. don’t worry! just drank too much for my own comfort.” you admitted. he kneeled beside you and started rubbing circles on your back to comfort you. you were sweaty and him being this close to you just made you feel even hotter. despite this awkward and embarrassing situation, you felt your chest tighten up and your cheeks heating up. jeonghan kept on rubbing your back.

“feeling better, angel?” he asked you in a comforting tone. you nodded your head. you stared at him with tired eyes and he looked back at you. you two were unseemingly close to each other. jeonghan cleared his throat and broke his stare. you sighed and leaned your head towards the arm you were propping up. you suddenly broke the silence.

“ever since i met you, i thought you were the prettiest man i’ve ever seen.” you drunkenly admitted to him. jeonghan only stared at you. silence filled up the bathroom, only your silent snores keeping the silence calm. noticing that you’re already asleep, jeonghan sighed to himself.

“and i’ve always thought you were the most beautiful person i’ve ever met.”

“jeonghan?” you said out loud while you were standing in front of the university’s office. you were sending some files for uni when you saw jeonghan walking with someone.

“oh, yn? are you starting uni soon?” he asked you. he walked up to you, saying a quick goodbye to the person he was walking with. you looked at the girl he was with as she walks away. you nodded your head.

“yeah, this fall.” you said to him, “how have you been?”

“i’ve been alright, but i kept on waiting on your text since new year’s night.” he chuckled as you slapped your mouth.

“oh god! i’m sorry! i was too drunk to remember i had your number!” you apologized to him as he only laughed at you and patted your head.

“it’s alright. here, put your number on my phone so i’ll be the one texting you.” he said as he gave you his phone. you nodded and put your number in his contacts. he smiled at you.

“i’ll call you when my class is over, yeah? i wanna hangout with you today.” he said as he waved goodbye to you. you blushed and slowly waved back at him. you shook your head and went back doing your business with the uni. since it was early in the morning when you saw jeonghan, you assumed he would be done by late afternoon, in which he called you.

“hey yn! where are you right now?” jeonghan asked in the phone. you were currently at a local library, trying to find a book that could keep you distracted from life.

“hi jeonghan! i’m just at evergreen’s library right now…” you trailed off, not really wanting to bring up what he said a while ago.

“oh, the library near the uni? i’ll pick you up, okay? i’ll probably be there in 5. see yaa.” he ended the call, you still blushing. you knew that you only had a crush on jeonghan just because he was mad pretty and handsome…but also because he might’ve been the sweetest yet teasing person you have met.

it’s just a small crush, you told yourself.

after pacing back and forth in the library, jeonghan finally called you telling you he was outside. you left the library and saw him in his car. he rolled up his window and revealed his blushed face, most likely from the cold. he was wearing a gray beanie and a red scarf. he turned his head towards you and smiled.

“cmon, get in.” he said. you get in the passenger seat and shyly sat in silence. he noticed your awkwardness and chuckled.

“hey, loosen up. i’m not gonna bite you or anything.” he teased. you smiled at him as he started driving. you were wondering where you guys were going.

“i know what you’re thinking, “where is this gorgeous man taking me?”, well we’re going to an ice sculpture show downtown.” he said with a smirk. you laughed at his words.

“whatever, but i didn’t know tonight was opening for the show…” you pondered. you have always loved ice and snow shows. you stare at the snow falling on the car’s windshield.

“mhm, seungcheol didn’t wanna come so it’s just us for tonight.” he said. your smile faltered for a second, but kept a focused gaze on him.

“that’s too bad. he also loves ice sculpture shows, especially when we were kids.” you said. this caught jeonghan’s attention.

“also? so you love ice sculpture shows?” he asked as you hummed.

“yeah, i just love how people get creative with their works, especially on ice.” you said as jeonghan hummed in agreement. you and jeonghan soon arrived downtown and walked together to the ice sculpture show. there were families and children taking pictures of the sculptures. you looked at the scenery in awe, with bright lights shining through the sculpted ice. the two of you walked around the show and you stopped when you saw a sculpture of a laying woman surrounded by carnations.

“it’s so beautiful…” you whispered to yourself. you were standing still in astonishment of the ice sculpture, not noticing jeonghan’s gaze on you.

“she is.” he quietly murmured. you kept on admiring the sculpture more when you finally noticed jeonghan getting closer to you. you averted your gaze to him and saw him gazing at you as well. you gulped.

“it’s a wonderful piece, isn’t it?” you asked him. the closeness of your body and his providing the both of you warmth in the winter of january. he took a breath out of his mouth.

“mhm, it is. artists are crazy talented.” he complimented, finally looking at the artist statement.

“if you were a sculptor, what would you make?” you suddenly ask him. he looked at you and wondered for a moment.

“hmm…i would probably sculpt the most beautiful person i know…or just sculpt a bunny.” he said, giggling at his last statement. you looked up at him in awe and giggled as well. his eyes softened.

“what about you, yn? what would you sculpt?” he asked. you only looked back at the sculpture.

“i would probably sculpt something meaningful to me…i’m not too sure, to be honest. i’m more of a poet than an artist.” you admitted to him. jeonghan looked at you in shock.

“ohoh! i didn’t know you were into literature and stuff like that! what’s your favorite book?” he said in awe. you lowered your face in shyness.

“i was literally just at the library a while ago, jeonghan. but yeah, i love reading and writing. i guess i could say it’s a passion of mine.” you stated. he kept his gaze on you as you kept talking, “my favorite book right now is i would say…hmm…meet me in another life? hmm yeah.”

“say, if you ever write something, like a story or a poem? would you let me read it?” he suddenly asked you, which made you instantly look at him. your eyes flickered with a glint of excitement. no one except your brother wanted to read any of your works.

“you serious?” you asked him cautiously, your heart beating faster. he nodded his head.

“why would you think i wasn’t serious?” jeonghan asked. you widen your eyes, wandering your gaze just to lose contact of his.

“dunno…but yeah, sure.” you said shyly to him. he only kept looking at you when he suddenly touched your nose. you flinched.

“what the hell, man! what was that for!” you squirmed as he just laughs.

“your nose was pink from the cold! you looked too cute.” he said with a teasing smile. you blushed furiously as you just huffed. the cold breeze of winter hitting your face only made you shiver. you dressed comfortably for today’s weather, yet somehow, you were in need of warmth. jeonghan saw your shivering state and walked to you. you looked up at him when suddenly you were being wrapped in a red scarf, your lower half of your face being covered. jeonghan giggled at the sight of you.

“you look cute.” he simply stated. you pulled his scarf closer to your face and averted your gaze, being able to smell the floral and pine scent on the scarf.

“thanks, jeonghan.” you whispered. he hummed as he looked at you, almost lovingly. all of a sudden, people started gathering around.

“mom! look! it’s the northern lights!”

“open your camera! this is like a once in a lifetime opportunity to see the aurora!”

you and jeonghan looked up and saw the dancing pink and blue lights in the sky. hints of brilliant purple and blue danced the night away from the night sky. you heard jeonghan sign in awe of the sight. you glanced at him and made eye contact with him. he smiled at you.

“beautiful isn’t it?” he whispered. you looked at him and shifted your gaze back to the sky.

“hm, it is.” you hummed. you and jeonghan stood close to each other, watching the lights sway. your fingertips touched, making your hand flinch away from his. when he hook his pinky onto yours. your breath hitched, your head looked towards him. he was still watching the aurora. you smiled softly and turned your gaze back to the lights. the sound of children cheering and people being in awe filling your ears, but not overpowering the sound of you and jeonghan’s synced heart beat. january 11th was the night you came to terms with your feelings, that you were in love with yoon jeonghan.

“oh, you’re back. how was it?” a voice asked as jeonghan entered his dorm room. jeonghan looked up and saw seungcheol laying on his bed. jeonghan removed his coat and beanie as he looked at himself on the mirror beside seungcheol’s bed.

“it was great. we even saw the northern lights tonight.” jeonghan said to seungcheol, who grumbled in annoyance.

“really? god, if only i didn’t have to do so much work load tonight, i would’ve been able to see it. did you guys took photos of it?” seungcheol asked. jeonghan nodded and gave seungcheol his phone, revealing the photos. seungcheol scrolled through the photos when suddenly he saw a notification.

yn-ie 🐰: i had a great time tonight! thanks for bringing me back home

yn-ie 🐰: i hope you have a goodnight sleep, sweet dreams :>

seungcheol stared at the notification and looked at jeonghan, who was now getting ready for bed. he softly smiled at his best friend.

“han.” seungcheol called for jeonghan. jeonghan turned his head towards him and got his phone back.

“yeah?” he asked. seungcheol sat up on his bed to face jeonghan.

“you like yn, don’t you?” he suddenly asks the long haired male. jeonghan was now staring at seungcheol with shock evident in his eyes. he averted his gaze away from seungcheol, not giving him an answer. seungcheol only sighed.

“don’t hurt her, please,” seungcheol begged, “i can tell that you like her. i don’t mind you dating my sister, but please just don’t hurt her. you know she has that condition.” jeonghan looked at seungcheol with seldom eyes.

“i don’t know, cheol. i’m scared that if i continue liking her, i might just end up hurting her. she’s so precious that i might even choose her over anything in the world. but i’m so terrified that loving her might break her.” jeonghan admitted. seungcheol looked at him with sad eyes. seungcheol breathed deeply.

“if you’re not so sure of your feelings for her, then don’t pursue her, don’t lead her on. you’ll just break her heart. do what your heart says, jeonghan.”

“goddamnit, wonu! how the fuck were you able to beat me there!” you yelled at your friend as you two sat on his couch. he laughed.

“i told you, don’t spam attack. god, you’re like the worst person to game with.” he joked. you held your chest and gasped.

“huh?! shut up!” you argued when suddenly you watched your character die again. you sobbed in annoyance. wonwoo just chuckled and rubbed your back.

“it’s gonna be alright. it’s just a game yn…here, let’s go get boba to cheer you up.” he said as he turns off the tv and grabbed you towards the door. you flipped him off, still following him towards his car, carrying a red scarf with you.

“add dorayaki to that. boba wouldn’t be enough for me to forgive you.” you said to him as he chuckled. today, february 2nd, you decided to stay at wonwoo’s for a day and decided to play against each other, as you two always do, but plans changed when you ended up throwing a tantrum, to him tending your tendencies. you two soon arrived at the boba cafe and started looking at the screened menus.

“i might get matcha brown sugar boba, what about you?” wonwoo asked you. you stared at the screen and pondered.

“i’m craving for some brown sugar cheesecake boba, oh and don’t forget my dorayaki.” you said. wonwoo nodded his head as he tells you to find a seat for you two. you walked towards the front of the cafe and sat on an empty seat. people were talking about their whereabouts as you stare outside the huge window of the cafe. suddenly, you saw a familiar face outside the flower shop, alongside another, hand in hand. your heart ached at the sight.

“jeonghan…” you whispered in your breath. after the date night with him at the ice sculpture show, has never then contacted you. you sighed. he got your number, yet didn’t even want to reach out to you. now you’re seeing him holding hands with the girl you saw at uni. you were stopped in your thoughts when wonwoo sat in front of you. he gave you your drink and pastry. you smiled at him.

“thanks, wonu. even though you keep on beating me whenever we play games.” you said as you took a sip of your boba. wonwoo chuckled.

“it’s no problem. and besides, you’ve been looking gloomier these past few weeks. anything bothering you?” he asked. you sighed and looked out the window, jeonghan and the girl still at the flower shop. you noticed them looking at carnelians and lilies. wonwoo noticed your silence and looked at what you were looking at. he looked back at you sadly.

“is it jeonghan?” he suddenly asked. you shifted your eyes to wonwoo and sadly hummed. he looked back at jeonghan.

“you know, that’s hwa-young. she’s one of those sorority girls at uni. she’s not all that to be honest.” wonwoo said as he took another sip of his boba. you suddenly looked at him in curiosity.

“she’s kinda a bitch too. i remember her telling vernon that he didn’t belong in uni. then seungkwan rocked her shit right after she said that.” you snorted at his statement. the girl, hwa-young, didn’t look mean at all, but you still believed wonwoo’s words.

“you’re joking? what happened to seungkwan?” you asked, now invested in the story. wonwoo smiled softly.

“got in trouble with the dean, and seungkwan’s reason was that what she said to vernon was racially motivated. god i remember laughing so hard when seungkwan got in trouble after that.” wonwoo laughed as you did as well. the rings of the bell of the cafe door suddenly jingled, stopping you two from laughing. there you saw jeonghan and hwa-young walking hand in hand, similar to the way you and jeonghan skated together. you pursed your lips. wonwoo sighed as he grabbed your dorayaki. you yelped and grabbed the pastry back, now grabbing your attention.

“that’s mine!” you said to him. wonwoo hummed.

“don’t worry about hwa-young, yn. she’s nothing but a piece of crap.” wonwoo reassured you as you just nodded your head. you kept your gaze outside as you finally hear the bells ring again. now you saw jeonghan and hwa-young leave with their drinks. your heart started clenching onto nothing and it made you breathe hard. you held your chest and wonwoo widen his eyes.

“yn, are you okay?” he asked concerningly. he looked around and grabbed your hand, “let’s get some fresh air, okay?” he suggested as he grabbed your drinks and pastry and went outside. the snow is still falling even though february has come to the new year. you breathed deeply as the cold breeze hit your face. you held the red scarf close to your face, feeling the warmth of nobody. wonwoo looked at you with concern as he pats your back, settling the drinks on an empty bench.

“breathe slowly, yn. there you go…you feeling better?” he asked as you nodded. you felt better but the tightness of your throat and chest didn’t leave. you breathe slowly, wonwoo helping you in the process. you looked up at him and smiled.

“thank you, wonwoo…i think we should get back to your place.” you suggested. he nodded his head as you two went back to his car. the ride back to his apartment was silent, but comforting. he helped you get out of the car and let you rest up on the guest bedroom. you felt helpless. helpless that you can’t do anything at all. helpless that you can’t even tell jeonghan that you love him. helpless that you’re so sure that you have lost him. you sobbed in silence, your throat tightening up in every breath you take. you laid in silence as the hours go, with wonwoo checking up you every once in a while. you opened your phone and opened your contacts. you closed your eyes and took a deep breath, your heart thumping on your chest. nothing’s going to happen if i don’t do anything, you thought.

you: hey jeonghan, can we talk?

you pressed send as you wait for a respond. not even a minute later, he replied.

hannie bunnie: yeah, where do you wanna meet up?

you: you know the children’s park near uni?

hannie bunnie: yeah, what do you wanna talk about?

you: i’ll see you in 10, thank you

hannie bunnie: ???

hannie bunnie: okay, fine, see you in a bit

you grabbed your coat and the red scarf he gave you. you smiled softly and left the room. wonwoo was at the kitchen cooking. he looked at you.

“you going somewhere?” he asked. you shook your head.

“just going for a stroll. i’ll be back in a few. see ya.” you said as wonwoo bids you goodbye. you walked towards the destination, staring at the snow on the ground. you huffed as the coldness striked you again. arriving at the park, you saw a figure by the swings. your footsteps approached the figure as he turned his head towards you. jeonghan looked at you and smiled softly. you didn't return the smile back.

“it’s been a while, yn.” he said as he sat down on a swing. you hummed as you sit down on the swing next to his. you two sat in silence in the cold winter. he suddenly cleared his throat.

“so how have you been?” he asked you. you scoffed and looked up at the sky.

“i’ve been good. all my paper for uni are getting finished soon. what about you?” you asked him, still looking at the sky, snow falling down your face.

“i’ve been okay too…” he trailed off. you were getting restless. you wanted to tell him how you felt now. but the tightness of your throat was stopping you. he still kept his gaze on you as you stared up. he sighed.

“yn, why did you want to talk?” he suddenly asked. you gulped, the words ready to be revealed stuck in your throat. you couldn’t say anything. you stood up and started walking away. this is embarrassing, you thought. you stopped in your tracks when you heard jeonghan’s footsteps behind yours.

“i just wanted to see you.” you said, your back still facing him. jeonghan scoffed.

“really? because your eyes says otherwise. what did you want to talk about, yn. be honest with me.” he demanded. you turned your body towards him and finally looked him in the eyes for the first time. he stared at your gaze that was full of fear and love.

“yoon jeonghan.” you said sternly. he breathed heavily as he looks at you with such immense emotion in his eyes. you closed your eyes and breathed deeply.

“i like you.” you said, almost a whisper being buried in the snow. jeonghan just stood in his spot, mouth agape. you looked into his eyes and there was a glint of hope, but soon disappeared. jeonghan closed his eyes and sighed.

“i’m sorry, yn…but i can’t return your feelings.” he finally said. your breath hitched, sobs and tears fighting their way out of your body. you composed yourself and you smiled sadly.

“that’s alright…thank you for hearing me out, jeonghan.” you said to him as he only stare at you in place, “we can still be friends though, right? a little crush wouldn’t hurt our friendship, right?” you said with a chuckle. jeonghan only looked at you with sad eyes.

“yeah, of course. i’m sorry.” he apologized again as you shook your head. you then started unwrapping the scarf from your neck and held it. jeonghan stared at it.

“i forgot to give this back to you then. here, it helped me keep warm.” you said, giving the scarf back when jeonghan pushed the scarf back to you. you looked up at him. he smiled softly.

“you can have it. if i can’t keep you warm this winter, that scarf will.” he said. you smiled softly and turned your back to him.

“again, thank you for letting me feel this way. i hope you have a good night, jeonghan. be safe.” you said your farewell as you started walking away, not looking back as the tears finally released itself. jeonghan watched your moving figure walk away from him. his heart stings but shakes it away.

“be safe, yn.” after walking away from the park, you fell to the ground and sobbed. the feelings you were tucking away from everyone has now come out. you cried as tears kept flowing down your rosy cheeks. you knew the consequences of your actions, but now being able to feel what you were thinking hurts more. you stood up from the snowy pavement and started walking towards wonwoo’s apartment. your sobs and heartbeat were the only things you could hear. nearing the apartment, you suddenly feel your throat tighten up, making you feel sick. you ran to wonwoo’s apartment door and knocked furiously. wonwoo immediately opened the door as you rush to the bathroom. you fell down to your knees as you throw up in the toilet. your throat burned from the sensation, almost feeling being pricked by thorns. your tears blurring your vision, not being able to see things clearly.

“yn…who was it?” wonwoo asked behind you, rubbing your back in circles. you shot your head up in curiosity.

“what do you mean?” you asked him, voice hoarse. wonwoo held you in his arms.

“roses. you threw up roses, yn. who was it?” his voice stammered as your eyes widen. you blink the tears away and looked at the toilet. there it was, full of rose petals, some even in full bloom. you felt sick and threw up again. wonwoo held you close. you only sobbed in his arms, not being able to answer him. february 2nd was the day your heart screamed roses.

“happy valentines!”

“happy valentines and birthday, jaehyun!”

“aw thank you! have you seen jungkook though?”

the university campus roared as valentines day filled the whole university. seungcheol stared at his friends at their lunch spot. every single one of them got valentine gifts, including him. he watched mingyu and soonyoung argue who got the most chocolates. he chuckled at the two. only one person was missing in the group. seungcheol turned his head towards joshua, who got a handmade gift and chocolate from his girlfriend. he nudged his friend.

“where’s jeonghan?” he asked the auburn haired male. joshua looked around and raised his brows.

“he told me he would be here in a few minutes…it’s been almost 20 minutes.” joshua replied. seungcheol facepalmed as he ate one of the chocolates he was given. suddenly, seungcheol was tapped by the shoulder, he looked behind him.

“oh, yuta. what’s up?” he asked the long red haired male behind him. yuta sighed in exasperation.

“jeonghan got stuck with his fangirls. he told me to tell you guys before he got engulfed in chocolates.” yuta said as he walked away, not giving seungcheol time to get up. joshua heard yuta and came with seungcheol. the others just stared at the eldest and shrugged it off, continuing to bicker. wonwoo, however, just looked at the two with gloomy eyes. mingyu looked at his friend.

“is something wrong, wonwoo?” mingyu asked. wonwoo shook his head.

“it’s nothing.”

seungcheol and joshua followed yuta through the halls and saw a group of girls surrounding someone, assuming it’s jeonghan. yuta sighed when he saw someone in the crowd.

“oh, hyungs!” he called out. the person turned around and waved his hand. seungcheol and joshua followed yuta to his friends.

“oh, i remember being in sophomore year and getting lots of gifts!” the red head said to the group of boys. the other male next to him agreed.

“yeah, i got lots of chocolates back then. too bad we’re depressed juniors now.” the raven haired male joked. yuta laughed as seungcheol and joshua chuckled. the raven haired male suddenly looked at the two.

“oh hey, cheollie and joshie” he said. they both greeted him back.

“hey, hobi hyung, jongin hyung. do you think you two can help us get our friend out of that swarm of ladies?” joshua said, earning a laugh from the two older males. jongin nodded his head and suddenly pushed through the crowd, hoseok did the same. yuta watched in awe while joshua and seungcheol watched in fear. just what the hell are they doing.

“hey!” hoseok suddenly yelled, “i have photos of jungkook shirtless! come to me if you wanna see them!” he said as he started running away when the girls started chasing him. jongin held jeonghan in place, preventing him from being trampled over. yuta laughed at the scene. jongin brought jeonghan back to his friends and smiled proudly.

“here you go, now i gotta get hobi back…see ya!” he said ss he chased his friend with the other girls. yuta chuckled and followed jongin. joshua and seungcheol just looked at jeonghan in disappointment. jeonghan raised his hands in defense.

“i didn’t do anything wrong!” he defended. seungcheol just looked at him in annoyance.

“yet you still let them surround you like that? god, hannie you need someone that’ll knock the sense out of you.” joshua argued as they started walking back to their spot. joshua and jeonghan filled up the silence as seungcheol just walked in front of them. they went back with their group and seungkwan finally clapped his hands.

“i have an announcement to make!” he said as he was pulled down by seokmin.

“sit down!” seoksoon said as seungkwan just glared at them. minghao chuckled.

“jungkook hyung is holding a valentines party tonight. he told me this morning that we’re welcome to come and i guess since we don’t have any plans for tonight, for some reason because we ALWAYS have plans during valentines, we should go.” he stated. the rest of the group stared at him when jun broke the silence.

“i think we should go.” he suggested. the others started agreeing then. seungkwan cleared his throat again.

“he also said if you have a date, bring them with you.” he added. the group agreed and started naming people they were bringing, while some said they would rather just get drunk tonight at the party.

“joshua, are you bringing your girlfriend?” seungcheol asked. joshua nodded his head.

“you?” joshua asked, seungcheol also said yeah. the two then looked at jeonghan, who glanced at them.

“what?” jeonghan asked the two males. joshua sighed.

“are you bringing anyone tonight at jungkook’s party?” he asked. jeonghan sighed and shook his head.

“nah…” he answered. however, minghao heard him.

“you’re not bringing your precious hwa-young with you?” he retorted. seungcheol raised his brows on his statement. jeonghan rubbed his eyes.

“me and hwa-young are just friends.” he argued back to minghao, who pulled back away from his seat.

“okay, okay, i was just saying because you two are getting awfully close to each other.” minghao said as he pondered for a moment. he then looked slyly at jeonghan.

“what about yn?” he asked. seungcheol made a face at minghao who just chuckled.

“hey, i mean, your sister is SOOO pretty and sweet, hyung. jeonghan hyung, if you’re not going with her, can i?” minghao teased as he got hit on the shoulder by seungcheol, who was also chuckling.

“my sister isn’t a toy that you can just pass around.” seungcheol defended you. minghao pouted and talked with jun and dino instead. he then looked at jeonghan.

“are you bringing yn?” seungcheol asked jeonghan. jeonghan’s breath hitched. he just shook his head no, when suddenly a voice came in.

“i’m bringing yn with me, is that okay, seungcheol?” wonwoo announced in the group. everyone suddenly went silent and looked at wonwoo, even seungcheol was surprised, even though he knew you and wonwoo are getting to the stage of being best friends. everyone was now looking at seungcheol, waiting for his answer.

“yeah, you can. you don’t have to ask permission, she’s your friend. i’m just her brother.” he answered. he felt jeonghan on his side tensed up on his answer. wonwoo hummed in satisfaction as they all continued talking again. seungcheol looked back at jeonghan.

“jeonghan, did something happen between you and yn?” he asked. jeonghan didn’t answer. seungcheol sighed and slumped back on his seat.

“hyung! did you really sell photos of me shirtless?!”

“yah, jungkookie, i was just doing business, that’s all!”

“that’s pretty funny, hobi hyung. i should’ve seen it.”

“what the photo or hobi hyung being trampled on by those students?”

“the photo so i could burn it.”

“there’s a lot of people here, wonu…” you said in between coughs. wonwoo held you close to him.

“it’s okay, yn. and besides, we’re all friends here. we’ll go to my buddies and we'll stay there, okay?” he reassured you. you were wearing a mini dress with a bedazzled handbag. you were terrified that you might accidentally throw up and cause a scene, not with vomit but with flower petals. you nodded your head as you walk towards the 97’s of the group. seokmin greeted you with a hug.

“yn! i haven’t seen you in a while! we should’ve exchanged numbers so we could talk!” he enthusiastically said. you nodded your head with a smile.

“i know, seokminnie! hey minghao! mingyu!” you greeted your friends. they both hugged you and told you how their day was. wonwoo tapped you on the shoulder.

“i’m gonna go with soonyoung and the others real quick. will you be fine by then?” he asked. you nodded your head.

“yeah, i think so. i have them here so i think i’ll be fine.” you said as he pats your head and walks away. the three just watched the interaction. mingyu sighed.

“i wish i had my own wonwoo…ah, wonwoo…” he groaned as you laughed.

“you’re so silly, mingyu. you can have him.” you said as he chuckled. you four talked for a while when someone wrapped their arms around mingyu’s neck.

“yah, mingyu-ah! can you believe it! hyung sold my shirtless photos…only for 10 bucks! am i really that cheap!” the brown haired male groaned to his tall friend. minghao stifled a laugh while seokmin just laughed hysterically.

“ah, really jungkook? i would say those photos are just around 5 bucks…hoseok hyung was being generous…” mingyu teased the male when he looked at you.

“oh hey! i haven’t seen you around! i’m jungkook.” he introduced himself. you smiled at him.

“hi, i’m yn. it’s your party right? it’s fucking crazy.” you complimented as he hides his face with his hands.

“oh you flatter me! well it was nice meeting you- oh yugyeomie! bambam! you guys are late!” he yelled, walking to the guests who just arrived. you stared at the man in awe while mingyu looked at you.

“he has that effect on people. i swear he’s like…edna mode.” he said as you, seokmin and minghao just stared at him.

“what does that even mean?” seokmin asked. mingyu shrugged his shoulders as he took a sip from his cup. you suddenly felt your phone vibrate and took it out of your hand bag.

wonuuu: saury but kwan dragged me to play beer pong

wonuuu: might get drunk idk stay with kyeom or hao, gyu is too crazy for you

wonuuu: 🕺🏻

you laughed at his texts and showed them to your friends, who laughed at it. mingyu grumbled.

“guys, be honest, am i too crazy?” he asked you three. you felt bad since the tone in his voice actually sounded sad, but this feeling disappeared when minghao said “yes” in a millisecond. you three laughed while mingyu faked cried, with you comforting him. suddenly, minghao stopped laughing and nudged seokmin’s elbow. he looked towards the distance. you followed where he was looking and almost regretted doing it so. jeonghan was walking with hwa-young, with his hand on her hips. you could feel your throat tightening up again. mingyu saw you and held you close. you gulped. minghao looked at you in concern.

“yn, are you okay?” he asked you. you nodded your head. seokmin walked next to you and comforted you as well. he could tell that you suddenly looked uncomfortable. you breathed heavily when you saw the two walked up to you four. hwa-young was greeting the three males, not even giving you a single glance, whereas jeonghan was looking at you, almost regretful in his eyes. you held on to mingyu, scared to move, scared that the flowers blooming in your lungs might come out of your throat. hwa-young noticed your hold on mingyu.

“who’s this? heyyy! i’m lim hwa-young! are you and mingyu dating?” she asked you. you gulped and shook your head no, your grip of mingyu only became stronger. you could feel it. you could feel the thorns blooming out of your throat.

“no, they’re not, hwa-young. and that’s yn, cheol’s sister.” jeonghan answered for you. you were in shock. minghao and seokmin noticed the tension between you three and stood next to you. mingyu, on the other hand, was confused. being an athlete means you spend less time with your friends and more time with your teammates, meaning that mingyu had no clue why jeonghan brought hwa-young with him.

“why the fuck are you with him?” he suddenly blurted out. seokmin widens his eyes. you were frozen now. why? because the people surrounding you were now staring.

“huh? what do you mean “why am i with him”? he’s my date. right, hannie?” hwa-young asked the long haired male next to her. jeonghan didn’t say a word, but he only looked into your eyes. you looked back into his and sighed.

“right, hannie? i’m your date?” hwa-young asked jeonghan again, this time, he was out of his trance.

“oh yeah.” he simply said, pulling her closer to his body. mingyu just looked at him confused.

“but isn’t she a shitty person?” he deadpanned. minghao was now panicking, pulling his friend away from the scene.

“huh?! shitty person?! what are you talking about?” hwa-young argued when someone stepped in between them.

“YA’LL, LET’S KARAOKE!!!” jungkook yelled, everyone now distracted and started doing their own thing again. hwa-young scoffed and walked away from the scene. jeonghan tried to hold her hand but she shook it away. jeonghan just stood in his spot watching her walk away. seokmin held you as minghao held mingyu back, explaining some things he had missed. you watched as jeonghan’s hand held hers for a moment. you stared at his hand and back to his face, making sudden eye contact with him. you can feel your lungs about to burst, and so is your heart. jungkook, still between jeonghan and mingyu, looked at you with concern.

“yn-ssi, you look pale. are you okay? do you need to go to the bathroom?” he asked you. not being able to say anything, you nodded your head. jungkook told you the directions and tried to come with you, but you stopped him. you ran towards the bathroom, seeing a glimpse of jeonghan’s worried eyes. you accidentally bumped into someone as you ran. you looked up at the person and saw familiar, related eyes. seungcheol.

“yn?” he said as you just ran past him. you ran to the bathroom and closed the door. you kneeled down the toilet and cried out your tears. you threw up all the contents of your lungs. roses, petunias and daffodils filling up the toilet. you closed your eyes to calm yourself down when you suddenly thought of how jeonghan held hwa-young close to him, holding her waist, closer to his body. you felt sick and threw up once again, now red poppies, red carnations and mums coming out of your throat. you could feel the thorns of roses in your throat. you coughed once again and saw what you dreaded the most, blood. as you were throwing up, you didn’t notice the door being opened and closed again.

“yn…what’s this…?” the voice asked you. you refused to look at the person behind you. you sniffled as tears started to pour out. the person started walking to you and gasped.

“you’re fucking kidding…hanahaki…yn, who is it?” the voice asked. you shook your head no, refusing to say his name out of your mouth. the person kneeled next to you and turned your body towards them. you refused to look into their eyes. you can tell they were furious.

“yn! tell me! who is it!” they demanded. you refused when suddenly you hear them sobbing, matching yours. you finally looked into their eyes. red. same as yours. pain and regret in their eyes, tears flowing down their face. he held your face in his hands as you cried.

“is it jeonghan?” he asked. you looked at your brother and nodded your head weakly. his breath hitched and removed his hands on face. he was crying as hard as you are.

“why?” he asked you. you looked at him in confusion.

“what? what do you mean why?” you asked seungcheol. he looked into your eyes, tears still pouring out.

“why are you allowing yourself to suffer? does anyone else know? just how long have you been suffering?” he asked you. you were crying again, coughing up some petals as you go. you rubbed your eyes.

“2nd of february,” you sniffled, “was when it started. wonwoo first saw it.” you cried into the arms of your older brother. he sighed and held you close to his body.

“yn, you should get the surgery…it’s better to get it now since your condition isn’t bad-”

“no! i don’t want that! i would rather die than erase the memories of the person i love! i would rather watch from afar than forgetting his whole existence! i’m more scared of losing him than facing death.” you argued to your brother, pulling away from his hold. seungcheol’s eyes started to water as he blinks the tears away.

“what the fuck are you talking about! you would rather lose your own life for love? yn, please! think! no one wants you to suffer to death! i don’t want you to die! i’m your brother for god sake! we only have each other!” seungcheol cried, now kneeling beside you, cradling your weak frame. you sniffled.

“seungcheol, i’ve always made sacrifices for everyone…let me be selfish for once…please, cheol, just this once.” you begged seungcheol. you two sat in silence, your sniffles and hard breathing filling up the ambience.

“yn…you know i can’t do that. please, just consider the surgery. please, yn. i don’t want to lose my sister.” he held you tight in his arms as you both cried the night of valentines away, on the bloodied floor of red carnations.

“hey wonwoo.” you said weakly, as you put your book and pen on your bedside table. wonwoo sits on your bed, and looked at you with somber and concern. he held your hand as his lips pursed.

“hi yn…are you feeling any better?” he asked you. you and seungcheol talked to your parents about the unspoken disease you have caught 3 days after the incident at jungkook’s party. your parents held you tight the whole time you were talking about it. they wanted you to get the surgery but also wanted to respect your decision, so now, they’re giving you a week to make a choice, either get the surgery or keep living until your body cannot handle the disease anymore. of course, they thought they could convince you to take the surgery on the last day. but for now, you were resting.

“i’m okay, wonwoo. but it still hurts.” you said, pointing to your chest. wonwoo sighed and rubbed your hand.

“i know, yn…” he said, almost having to say more. you quirked an eyebrow.

“are you going to say more?” you asked the man with glasses. he only looked at you and patted your head.

“yn, take the surgery.” he said. you coughed and shook your head.

“i don’t want to forget jeonghan, wonu. you know that.” you admitted. his eyebrows knitted.

“but yn, look at me. i took the surgery for my sake, even i probably didn’t wanna do it before. i forgot who that person was. i forgot the person that i loved so much, yet i lived. i lived and now i have met people that are precious to me. yn, please, we, your friends, want you to live on. so does jeonghan, he wants you to live.” he admitted. you widen your eyes, despite your limited body mobility.

“jeonghan…said that? does he know?” you asked him weakly. wonwoo shook his head.

“he knows about your condition, but we didn’t tell him it was because of him…he told us how he kept on calling and texting you, how he wanted to talk to you more.” wonwoo said, patting your head, “but he wants you to live…your condition is getting worse day by day. please yn, live, live for us, live for jeonghan.” wonwoo pleaded. you only looked at his hand when you suddenly hear sniffles. wonwoo was crying. you hated seeing him like this. you held up your hand and patted his head. he looked up at you and you smiled weakly.

“if it means for me to get more boba and wins, i’ll live for all of you.”

“are you ready, yn?” your brother asked you as you lay down on the hospital bed. march 2nd was the day of your surgery, and the day your memories of yoon jeonghan will disappear from the world. you smiled sadly at him, feeling your body break down on its own, knowing that you’re already too weak to actually do anything but lay down. he told you that 12 of his friends will visit you before your surgery. the doctor has told you to rest for at least 24 hours before the surgery. now, you only have 5 hours left. suddenly, the door opened, revealing 12 guys. you smiled at them.

“YN!!” mingyu and seokmin cried out loud as they ran to your bed. you jolt in surprise as seungcheol smacked their sides.

“calm down!” he said to them. seungkwan, hoshi and dino came next and told you that you’re gonna have a good recovery and surgery, and that you don’t have to be nervous. by their tone, they were more nervous than you were.

“you’re NOT going to die, yn!” seungkwan said. you sweatdropped.

“hyung is right, yn-noona. don’t be pessimistic about it!” dino stated.

“yeah! just think like you’re going to the dentist or something!” hoshi enthusiastically said.

minghao, jun and wonwoo came next. jun cried to you telling you that he’s going to miss your pretty face, in which seungcheol had him in a chokehold. minghao told you that whatever happens, you will always be an important person and you have served a purpose. it made you wonder for a second if they thought you were going to die. wonwoo then held your hand.

“yn, i know that the surgery will be a success. just look at me,” he chuckled, “but i love you, as your best friend, and stay strong for the surgery.” he said and kissed your forehead.

jihoon, vernon and joshua then walked up to you and told you reassuring words.

“it’s going to be okay, love can be subjective, but it’s so powerful that only you can overcome it.” jihoon said to you.

“after the surgery, let’s go get boba and dorayaki. wonwoo hyung told me you love them. have a safe surgery, noona.” vernon told you as he smiled.

“tell you what, i’ll treat you after surgery as well. we can go wherever you want.” joshua reassured.

your brother only smiled at you, not really wanting to give you words after he just did a when you woke up.

“yn. whatever happens, when you start to forget who jeonghan is, as your brother, i’ll make sure to give the love you deserve and i’ll make sure you find the love you have always dreamed of. i love you. let’s live a long life, okay?”

you were still admiring your brother when you felt a presence by your side.

“jeonghan…” you whispered, almost silently. he smiled softly at you. he then looked at seungcheol and he nodded.

“i’ll let you guys talk. we’ll see you in a bit.” seungcheol said as he pushed the 11 boys out of your room. soonyoung suddenly yelled.

“but i still wanna talk to her!-” the door shuts as you and jeonghan stay put, eyes not looking at one another. he stood right next to you and sighed.

“i…didn’t know that you had it. i’m so sorry, yn.” he apologized. you finally looked into his eyes and smiled softly.

“it’s okay, really. i’ll forget them anyways.” you said to him. he stared into your eyes and placed his hand on top of yours. he opened his mouth.

“i guess so…” he sat in silence, trying to find the right words to talk to you. you looked up at him as he rubbed your hand.

“yn-ie…you don’t deserve this.” he said, now starting to caress your ill cheeks. you blinked slowly at him and hummed. you unconsciously nuzzled on to his hand. he smiled softly.

“even in your worst condition, you’re still the most beautiful person i’ve ever met.” he commented. you chuckled lightly when you suddenly coughed, carnation petals coming out of your mouth. he rubbed your back and comforted you.

“i look pretty terrible right now, thanks.” you said as you continue gazing at him. he brushed a strand of hair away from your face and held you.

“yn-ie…remember when we first met? the time when i helped you get back on skating?” he asked you suddenly. you nodded your head weakly.

“the moment i saw you, i thought to myself “there’s no way that’s seungcheol’s sister” because i thought you were so beautiful, as beautiful as a blooming rose.” he admitted. you looked at him sadly and pursed your lips.

“then i remembered what type of person i was. most of the girls i pursue, i just hurt them. i didn’t want to hurt you, you’re too precious for this world,” he said, now sobbing, “i pushed these feelings away, even when we went to the ice sculpture show, i tried so hard to push these feelings away. but the moment i saw your eyes shine watching the aurora, i just knew i…i love you. i didn’t want to admit to my own feelings, but deep down i knew i care for you.”

“ cheol told me how precious you are to him, and i don’t want to break you, so i pushed you away from me, so that these feelings i have for you disappear. it did, for a while, but when you confessed to me that one winter night, i felt so…guilty and angry at myself. so angry that i couldn’t even face myself the next day. so angry that i wasn’t able to come to terms with my own feelings for you. i was so angry that i tried to push these feelings away and try to pursue another girl.i wanted to be so selfish, so selfish to tell you that i love you. but i couldn’t…because i know i will only end up hurting you.” he finally finished, now he was looking at you teary eyed. you looked at him as tears come down your face.

“you love me?” you asked in a weak tone, coughing again, now roses and blood. jeonghan grabbed the sanitary kit to clean you up. you thanked him.

“of course, i did…i had to push the feelings away so i wouldn’t hurt you…” he said. you looked at him sadly.

“oh…jeonghan, do you ever wonder who caused me to turn out this way?” you asked him somberly.

“may i ask who it is?” he asked you. you chuckled lightly to his statement. he looked at you confusingly.

“what is it?” he asked you genuinely. you held his hand that was placed on your hand, you looked into his eyes.

“jeonghan, it’s you. you’re the one i love.” you confessed. his face has gone pale and his breath hitched. his eyes watered and blinked the tears away.

“oh my god…no…” he whispered to himself. you shushed him and held his hand. you smiled sadly at him.

“jeonghan…hannie…it’s alright. i love every memory we shared together. you were a wonderful experience.” you smiled at him. he cried as he held your face.

“i’m so sorry…i really am sorry.” he apologized to you. you could feel your heart beat slow down in the moment. you placed your forehead against his.

“don’t apologize, jeonghan. i guess we weren’t just meant to be together…” you quietly whispered. jeonghan raised his head to meet your eyes.

“what are you talking about, yn-ie?” he asked. you smiled up at him and held his hand. you coughed more and placed his hand on your chest.

“it’s not beating properly anymore. you feel it? even if i get the surgery, i’ll die anyways. hannie, i’ve come into terms with my feelings for you, and i’ve also come into terms that we aren’t just meant for each other. we hurt each other in ways that we show that we love each other. you love me yet you pushed me away because of past experiences, so that you could protect. i love you yet i loved you too hard and hurt myself in the process. maybe, just maybe, we were just meant to cross paths and nothing else.” you said to him, your voice breaking. jeonghan sobbed in your arms.

“so, this is it?” he asked. you nodded weakly. he interlocked his fingers with yours.

“you were everything to me, yn.” he whispered into your ear. you could now hear your heartbeat clearly, beating slowly.

“i love you, jeonghan.”

“i love you too, yn…i love you so much…can i kiss you?” you nodded. that day, march 2nd, the last thing you heard was your heart monitor beeping. that day, the last thing you felt was your first and last kiss with yoon jeonghan, the person you have loved and died for.

“let’s meet again, in another lifetime.”

“jeonghan!” a voice yelled. the said male turned around and saw his friend, “wait up!”

“what is it, cheol?” jeonghan said to his friend. his hair was now longer than it did 2 months ago. his friend, seungcheol, has dyed his hair in a new color, his sister’s favorite color.

“the guys want to go karaoke tonight. are you up for it?” he asked the long haired male. jeonghan nodded his head.

“yeah sure, i have to stop by at the library near uni though.” he said to his friend. seungcheol nodded his head and told jeonghan to just meet him at their dorm room. jeonghan walked towards the library and looked through sections per sections. he coughed every now and then, going through books that haven’t been read. seeing a glimpse of what he needed, he checked the book out. the librarian, she smiled at him.

“meet me in another life, huh? this is a great book. i’m surprised only you and another regular read this book. have a great time reading it.” the librarian said. jeonghan smiled at her. walking back to his dorms. he suddenly felt his chest tighten up.

god, not again.

he ran to the nearest bathroom and locked the stall. he kneeled down and poured out all of the contents in his stomach. he stared at the toilet bowl and sobbed quietly. he flushed the toilet immediately and went back to his dorm, as if nothing happened. what he didn’t notice was that red carnation petals fell on to the floor. on that day, may 2nd, yoon jeonghan will have the same fate as ln yn. bound to end the same, never bound to end together.

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