#ajd i have work in 2 hours

[craacked-splatters]

OKOKOK I JUST FINISHED DHMIS AND IM GOING INSANE HOLY SHIT

tumblr is the only place where my hyperfixations and ramblings won't make me seem like I've been trapped in a basement never seeing the light of day as I piece together a century long conspiracy. Apologies 4 the person I'm about 2 become . I'm gonna full theorist mode but I only have time to point out the puzzle pieces in d first ep for now cuz I got work in like 6 hrs :(( ill come bak n do rhe rest ltr feel free 2 add if u want

--

Ok so i was rewatching the eps again on my phone & collecting screenshots for my conspiracy board when I found this symbol in the intro 2 d first ep

And I was like wait a min that kinda looks like d ones from the book so i went to see if was true and yep

I don't know if there's anymore symbols scattered around in the other eps or if it was just forshadowing either way its making my brain vibrate. Has anyone else noticed this before? It's so cool

The other things in d intro that seemed a bit weird 2 me was the pics n letters on the fridge, the fact that our 3 guys r coming out of a clock house, and fuking roy looking into d house thru a hole in the wall. The symbolism and metaphors r there guys. I know it but Im putting a pin on unraveling that for ltr cuz I don't have time rn :((

I kept my eyes peeled 4 anything else n then I saw the similarities between the breifcase n his older bro and yellowguy and his imaginary older bro

Both of them were like stuck in the shadow of their younger sibs u know kinda left behind, like the smol suitcase felt inferior n could only watch as his younger was running around being bigger n better, the yellows fake bro was always stuck in the background while yellow took the spotlight,

and they both like lost their shit and injured themselves. The suitcase bro punched a wall n the fake bro literally comitted suicide. Maybe I'm looking to much into this but that kinda intrigued me a bit. Again I'll dissect to that ltr cuz I don't have d time 😔

So the 1st EP was about work & jobs right?

Noticed how like each guy had the same positions in each job?

Duck: (The judge, cryptocurrency, General, astronaut)

At 1st duck's jobs are more centered on power,on bieng a higher authority figure, someone who is respected, admired and successful. He views himself above the rest, he said one needed aggression to get ahead in workplace, (u know w/ the attention freaks part lmao),he narssistic, hes selfish, and is always strivings for better positions, better everything (the vending machine, wanting a better job etc)

He doesn't like this job, he failed at his work tasks, and no one is taking him seriously.

When the screen lady starts singing about stress n shit I was like hold up

First we see, him on the beach with a crab offering him pills. Relaxation=drugs?? An escape from reality perhaps 🤨

Then him walking on a tightrope with a bunch of red things under him (portraying his struggles with his inner demons maybe?? Showing that he is or was barely keeping himself from falling to them??)

This whole thing. The line segments with the relaxing never being an easy straight line,(gotta go thru hell 1st b4 ur happy type of thinking??) And also the colors on the diagram. It's our 3 main guys. Red duck and yellow. (I'll dissect this ltr too no time rn😔)

And this. The coins, (cryptocurrency?? financial issues??) The screw(shitty work jobs maybe) the crab(drugs) the red snake(inner demons?) And the green thing...idk what that is it has scissors n looks like its shushing(untold secrets/issues?) Maybe ita part of himself he doesn't like or harms him

Duck is forced to like his job. He tries to go along with this whole bs, but he can't and snaps causing the hand accident. Is that what happened from before he was dead? Did he cause the death of someone? We know they all died at the same time different places.Then we see ltr that his jobs aren't as powerful as before, he is a mailman, hes a struggling artist, those jobs usually arent seen as impressive as say a CEO. Is this lore👀 could it be a bit of backstory for duck👀

Next we have Red: (Doctor, Barber, boss 2 whole company, horseshoe maker) His jobs are more concentrated on responsibility and expectations. A lot of ppl rely on doctors to help them out, a lot of pressure is laid on their shoulders especially with serious situations. With barbers you want them to give you exactly what u asked for, or at least something acceptable if u cant think of anything. Bosses are bosses. They're literally in charge of a shit ton of things. They keep everything running smoothly cuz 1 wrong move and everything starts going haywire. And horses need shoes to walk I guess

Notice how red is kinda... negligent? I wouldn't say lazy hes not. But remember how he would always want to do something else besides what they were doing? Or be anywhere else besides in the now? He didn't want to do anything at all in the 1st ep deciding to just chill. He didn't want to acknowledge yellows sadness in the Death EP, I guess he didn't want to deal with it? He wanted to meet a real fam, saying that the 3 of them weren't it. The whole road trip breakdown and "Im not going back to that house"?? Very interesting 👀

Yellow: (lumberjack, icecream man, fisherman, assembly worker, therapy patient??)

Yellows jobs r more centered on labor. They're average jobs regular ppl like u and me could get whenever. They usually don't ask for degrees or sumthn just experience perhaps. They might be easy, but there is a form of danger to them Lumberjack? You chop up wood dude, you could easily lose a limb or die. Ice cream man? Well you could always run over someone and uh, stranger danger? Fisherman? Fall out and drown or get lost at sea Assembly line worker? You saw what happened the same as the lumberjack (Trust me I work at a GE and ppl r always getting hurt)I got nothing 4 patient 😔

Besides the assembly one(I'm not counting it it was a lesson), the other jobs could be viewed as experiences.

Lumberjack- helping build the shack with his dad (Roy was there)

Icecream man- its icecream. lot of us go after that car. Especially children.

Fisherman- going fishing for fun, could be a bonding experience idk

Therapy patient- c'mon

There's a lot of shit I didn't cover but it's fine. Everything is so cool and fascinating I'm losing sleep to this whole thing. I'll talk more about it later I'm tired n it's 5am I've got 2 hrs to sleep.

Edit: yo I'm literally at work rn but I realized something. Yellows jobs are repetitive too. A cycle of things that are done a sort of loop. Lumber jacks, assembly line workers, etc etc usually focus on doing one task only, over and over whether it's screwing in bolts, chopping wood, serving food doesn't matter. It's repetitive, meaning you don't have to worry about changes bcuz there aren't supposed to be. You become accustomed to it, it's reliable.

This might've been a bit forshadowing about the way our 3 characters have to start the same routine in the same house again and again, a seemingly endless loop.

Did y'all notice how yellow was extremely against the road trip idea? And the death episode? He didn't want the routine to change. he didn't like it was confusing to him. And just when he's getting used to a change it all collapses on him. Man :(( this show is so cool fr I'll continue dissecting ltr gotta go now

[immamapletreekid]

instead of grinding for finals i lost hours to a one piece wiki spiral

[nomaishuttle]

sry i also started thinking abt how great my life would be if i was trapped in a timeloop again. i meant again as in i thought abt it again not as in I was trapped in a timeloop and id love 4 it 2 happen again. never been in one unfortunately.

[aceloha]

WEREVGOING TO EATVTHE AMONGUS BURGER

[scintillyyy]

the firefighter show, episodes 3-5

okay the bouncy house thing is in fact one of my greatest fears <3

also, i'm pretty sure "repelling down a cliff" is not standard training and probably should not be handled by probie!buck. these things are usually done by special teams (eg, hazmat, water rescue, car seat), who are a select group of people who get trained on special rescue procedures (or other things) and are often not all at the same firehouse. is everyone on the 118 on every single special team? man, their salaries must be insane with all the extra team money they get.

hydrocodone? did anyone not give narcan as soon as they saw the pill bottle? that would have cleared things right up. actually, the cop should have immediately given narcan once she saw it was hydrocodone. cops do that all the time.

oh they're playing video games on shift? must be a holiday. because, you know, they're really not supposed to be doing stuff like that during shift. they have a lot of actual work they need to do during the day. like training. maintenance. cleaning. cooking. (this is actually a pet peeve of mine because while i understand the scene is supposed to be cute bonding, there's already a large contigent of people who think that firefighters sit around all day doing nothing and just waiting for calls and then complain because firefighters are paid by tax dollars. we don't need to feed into the they slack off when they're not on a call narrative, okay?? so many people think they do jack-shit during the day. for example at my husband's work, they're busy all morning with various firehouse tasks or training or education or other important things, like going to make sure that businesses are up to fire code. they get a two hour quiet time after lunch, and can technically do what they want but the idea is they probably want to get a nap in in case they're up all night. more firehouse tasks until dinner/clean up ajd then i think it's lights out/quiet time around 8pm--again, some free time to do quiet activities until bed. and then sleep/go on calls. my husband has brought his gaming laptop to work on rare occasion to play during quiet time but this is rare occasion, and he's far more likely to do it on holiday schedule when they don't have to perform near as many tasks) (see also, people complain about what firefighters buy for their meals at the grocery store everyday because "why should my tax dollars pay for them to eat that", totally ignorant to the fact that aside from communal condiments and stuff ffs put in their own money every morning to buy food for meals that day).

why isn't chim dressed in uniform. that's also kind of required. wait, did chim show up on an off shift day to talk to them? (that's not a thing that happens ever lmao). or did he just leave during shift after yelling at his officer???? write up write up write up.

wait, are they in fire gear for a medic call???????? whyyyyyyyyy you never wear that stuff unless you're at an actual fire. 1) it sucks and it's full of carcinogens. 2) it's heavy as hell 3) there's no point, you don't need fire gear on a medic call. (ps, buck's fire gear is missing his neon probation sign)

"smartest emt" please do not refer to a paramedic as an emt ever again bobby. they will get offended.

"our job ends here at these doors", no bro, you do you still have to write your report at the hospital, sooooo....you still technically have a job to do. get going.

"just got off the phone with the surgeon" (and got extensive details about my subordinates medical status), sir, that's a hipaa violation, majorly so. the most the medics will get are "did the person we transported survive or not".

sorry, but i'm pretty sure i just saw buck doing the more ineffectual chest compressions ever.

yea a ff/pm is not allowed to attack a bystander (as much as they may want to sometimes). that's a write up hen. honestly i bet this fire station has the worst google reviews in the world tbh. one star: "i'd give them zero if i could!!! one of them attacked me!!!"

also, you never pick up a personal call on the job buck lmao. i actually know this from personal experience. (because everytime something goes wrong with the house and i need to get in touch with my husband he rejects the calls until he can call me back lmao) (these aren't super need him immediately emergencies btw, i think one had to do with the power/circuit breaker and i had no idea wtf i was doing and i needed to actually talk to him not just through text) (actually i think the only time he would have ever actually picked up a call from me during a call would have been when i was close to my due date. and even then, it probably could have waited 15 minutes for them to be done) (also if it was a true emergency, you call the firehouse and get a hold of their superior by calling their station or the main station if everyone at the station is out and then someone will get a hold of them)

okay, so they dress in full gear for a medical call, but they wear their class bs to a plane crash in the water? where's their water rescue gear? what is happening.

i have....thoughts on how this show conceptualizes the idea of the fire family versus what it actually is and why. and it has a lot to do with the lack of union presence in this show. but i will need to watch more to conceptualize my thoughts fully on this. but i will say this (and will repeat it): the fire fam is more than just one insulated station. you know who's actually really, really important? the people you went to academy with. my husband's got a friend from academy and they've actually never worked together since then, but they're still closer than half the people my husband has worked with. and if my husband ever ended up in the hospital, he'd be the first one to visit. all i'm saying, bobby, is that chim's academy buddies would like to have words with you about chim's family.

oh good, we're at the part where this show ended right away because bobby never would have been hired on another fire department ever again. listen, drugs and killing 148 people and most likely never being able to pass a psychological exam to continue doing this job, he supposedly was born in 1968, which would have made him 46 at the time of the fire. and while i did look up lafd's candidate requirements and there's apparently no upper age limit apparently (aside from common sense because you should not start an extremely hard physical job at 50 when you have to put in 30 years for the pension), there's probably several reasons why a 46 year old with a history of a debilitating back injury and drug/alcohol abuse would not end up being hired on at the lafd. and make no mistake, bobby would have to apply to work there. you don't get transferred from state to state, especially onto a big city department like that.

that being said, i will give them that addiction is a problem within the job due to the stress of the things they see and how physically stressful it is on the body. it probably varies by department, but here's how they handle it. here, you get one. one chance, one time you show up to work drunk or high and you are allowed to say "i have a problem" and the department will help you get helped. if it happens ever again, you're gone. do not pass go. do not collect $200. you're done. maybe you can try to get on a contract department or volunteer department instead.

[vampiricliquor]

stayed home for the past two days (tuesday anf wednesday) couldnt move to go to school and slept for like 18 hpurs each day. made my mom cry cus im a pos. we will see if i graduate hs or not i guess. brain fog heavy heavy.cant remember anyrhing from before today, only know i stayed home tuesfay wednesday dont have any memories of it. stayed up all morning took two vyvanse and coffee nd cleaned room made kandi , picked uo my sister from airport cus she needed help at like 10 pm wednesday cus moms car broke down. got really angry frustrared while driving and my whole face went numb. didnt sleep at all yet. trying to induce manic episode so i graduate. i hope this works. didnt text bsf for 2 days cus im a sack of shit and also was asleep ffor basically 2 days straight. broke my promise to him that id come to school every day this week. ive started worrying im becoming a sociopath and i cant tell if its just depression or if im completwly losing my empathy. i think i am schizoaffective. tuesday (?) maybe wednesday, had a meeting w psychiatrist completely lied to hjm that everything is fine, as per usual. i hate talking to him, i feel uncomfortabke and its awkward. he also lied to me abt why i was on seroquel in the past so i think its justified. cat stayed in my room the whole night and i was kn the floor wuen she was in my bed, im happy that she was happy ajd comfortable in my bed for once lol, while i was on the floor. have to leave fkr school in around 2 hours. i am trying not to fall asleep again. i dknt want ro disapoiint my mother more. after everytbjng shes done for me. i am worried im becoming my father. im afraid our minds arw too similar. and im worried that he was right when he thought i was just like him, and did thise things. the other day last week i drove like 4 hours to hookup with someone way older than me. felt empty after. i feel like a sack of shit. i have been having so much trouble lookong at my reflection lately, it physically hurts me. i am hideous. i would be fine if i lost a lot of weight. i have hypertension now and i think jts becauee im so fat. my chest scars have been aching lately. as well as pain in my side. eyes been bulging oit going blurry. i think there is something very wrong with me and i think its turning me into my father. i think if i killed myself now it would be a mercy for the people around me. and im afraid if i dont do it now, i will become so selfish that i never will. i hope i dont have english today. i hate sitting in the front. i hate when people look at me.. i hate being so fat and ugly. its so embarassing and shameful. i wish i had the stamina i used to, when i fasted for 7 days straight. i am becoming so selfish. i think whatever is wrong with my father is happening to me now. i dont know how to stop it. besides a bullet to the brain

[unrequited-words]

I used to be huge into writing on here and now I just don’t have the energy or to care. Most of the shit on here is so deranged and left that I just laugh. I used to enjoy coming here and it seems everybody just jumped shipped.

Nothing has changed. I still work full time, and take care of my kid. Thanks his in three and a half weeks and with inflation being the way it is, and getting paid on thanksgiving I don’t think we will do anything. I don’t think we would go to his sisters. More than likely it’s another day here. It’s awesome I get it off and don’t have to worry about docked pay since we don’t get paid for holidays that are mandatorily taken off.

That happened in July ajd I worked my ass off to make up those eight hours. Last paycheck I apparently bones an extra 500 and due to taxes more than half was taken away. I still made rent. L and other bills. We will have a shitty Christmas. I have no idea what to get his kids and the baby. Maybe start now with small gifts and figure it out?

It’s really fucking stressful that I am the only one working and taking care of everything. Unless I work extra PTO for the next seven weeks, I have no idea how to afford Christmas. Forget the fucking mattress we need.

I can feel depression creeping in. I don’t feel hopeless just really fucking sad. I have no reliable friends. The one I have her car took a shit and we hardly see each other. She invited me and the kid to treat or treat Monday and it’s like if I work until 330, and it takes 45 minutes to get to your place and you want to start at 430… gas is stupid expensive … how can I afford to get there? I told her more than likely we don’t because of my schedule etc. we would trick or treat for an hour or so and I don’t want to drag Zod.

It’s not fair and these days after work I have to take a nap. I’ve been so fucking drained from work. I get the most inconsiderate entitled customers that they think they can get. A product for free. How does that work? I love the company I work for and I am blessed to have it but a lot of these customers seriously blow my mind.

It’s okay pay. I just wish I was paid more, tbh. I don’t read the news or engage on social media like I used to. I don’t have the mental energy or capacity anymore.

I really don’t fucking care. I turned 37 2 weeks ago and most days I feel 75. Get off my lawn. I wish I was the fun mom. I wish I had it in me to play and laugh and now I’m turning into this crocheted-y old bitch who works too much, who worries about bills

Fuck being an adult. 1/10 don’t recommend 👎🏻

[cutevirgo]

working in basically the only italian place that does pizza in a resort town in the south is variations of:

What do you mean the wait is that long for take out? Ugh I forgot this is the SOUTH. Everything is so slow in the SOUTH (bc southern restaurants purposely go slow and not because we are just that busy.)

Or! For ma woman who’s clearly from NJ and not fucking ny say: oh this wouldn’t do up north! Oh this would NEVER FLY in MANHATTAN! this is terrible business practice! If you need a second pizza oven or second phone line just do that! Get it! You’ll never survive if you don’t

[shamelessmlm]

.

[pepprs]

god how am i STILL sick im so tired of this. tag rant incoming lel

[starthelostboys]

some other things about the tiktok cannibal au:

this not the lost boys first scandal, in fact they have: a kidnapping/corpse theft scandal, an animal abuse scandal, a scandal involving paul advocating for eating paint, a murder suspect scandal (for a murder they didn’t even commit), and they are somewhat involved in two scandals the frog bros have, one about homophobia allegations and one involving attempted murder

the kidnapping/corpse theft scandal was about star and dwayne finding laddie and just. deciding to take him home with them and make tiktoks with him. eventually his parents find out BUT they’re like “our son is dead why is he in your tiktoks?” because laddie has actually been a ghost this whole time. but everyone things that the lost boys were just weekend at bernies-ing this eight year old’s corpse

the people who use the account are marko + paul, star, and dwayne. they all post drastically different content but on the same account.

marko + paul post extreme couples pranks with them like. giving each other serious injuries. star posts those painting on things tiktoks. dwayne posts thirst traps. david doesn’t use the account but does appear in the background of multiple videos.

WHEN the cannibal scandal breaks it’s basically nationwide news overnight. essentially, marko films a video were you can very clearly see david in the background eating someone, which leads to the theory that all of them are in a cannibalistic cult.

despite the fact that michael appeared in a lot of the tiktoks, he’s never connected to any of this. sam, however, who only showed up in like two tiktoks, is immediately connected to not only this, but the frog bros attempted murder scandal which is happening around the same time

sam has a let’s play youtube channel where he posts five hour long minecraft let’s plays, and he’s really worried that being involved in these is going to stop his channel from making it big.

sam eventually becomes a vampire just to get away from both these scandals, only to almost immediately get involved in a scandal about faking his own death.

after the cannibal scandal and their account is shut down, marko ajd paul take over the youtube channel they had started to post apology videos and try to turn it into a prank channel, but it just kind of fizzles out

star gets a modest following on instagram before being cancelled on twitter after people realize she’s the tiktok cannibal girl

dwayne starts doing cameos one of the guys in the tiktok cannibal cult, and gets pretty big with true crime people who photoshop flower crowns onto serial killers.

david makes a twitter account EXCLUSIVELY to advocate for cannibalism as the leader of the tiktok cannibal cult, which ends with him crying when it doesn’t work out because 1. people think it’s a parody account and 2. people think marco is the leader of the cannibal cult since he’s the one who posted the tiktok that started this all.

this all happened over the course of like. three years.

and it’s not even covering the austin powers stuff, which i will leave to @faeblesmith since he’s the one who came up with that.

[conflictedrabbit]

2* the AvPD

Conversation w/ my friend I mentioned earlier. With their name / identifying characteristics edited out and some chopping here and there. 

___: 

I made a post abt avod once tho and it got like A few rbs and I thought "if this isn't irony idk what is" Trje

66ccff: ekjal;kdjd;

___: 

me: why do, so many avoidants want to pay for being alive avpd Tumblr: hm . I relate

66ccff: ekleja;ejdl;k

___: me: I'm glad to know people relate but are we fucking ok

66ccff: 

LOL i mean mood tbh

___: HINESTLT like I noticed i do it cuz of you NFBNSBDKSBDKSS

66ccff: though do you mean pay as in like. pay the medical system or pay as in guilt

___: Guilt

66ccff: 

kejk;ldj;L yes ok that is definitely me me: i breathed 5 gallons of air within 3 hours i am so sorry world

___:

me: [realizes it's not entirely religious trauma and also probably just Guilt over taking up space and needing to help ppl otherwise Why Live?} 

Oh god me

66ccff: (this is not even ironic i get like this multiple times a week)

___: 

hdjhdjsd I've been having a bad ep lately actually and like I think I failed to look 5-6 people in the eyes today CUZ IM JUST [WALKS AROHND] WOW . TERRIBLE

66ccff: 

omg it's ok i nearly cried in class today b/c i didn't have a good eng translation for this jp sentence

i was like.... no.... don't....

i stabilized cuz the teacher went on a tangent for a second but like forcing myself to look in his eyes and act normal was so hard i looked away so many times i wa slike. oog my god. end m i love it when walking around where there's other people makes me really nervous and irritable agoraphobia is great!

___: 

GOD yea It's so awkward for me I'm fine if I have a safe person or I'm walking to class but like

66ccff: i came back from class today and took a 6 hr nap cuz of my shame and agoraphobia

___: 

Rip Wish I could do that...

66ccff: well i haven't done my homework so

___: 

I just. Cry a lot NDKSJDJDNSKDNS rip me: I'm strong Me: spent the last 5 days like crying over nothing

66ccff: 

dkjle;ajd i mean... i used to cry but then i got mad at myself for crying so now i just Repress (tm) and sleep and then. the joke is that sometimes it doesn't work self harms... oops... that didn't work either better nap again

___: 

zz Pillows keep u safe Idk what I've been doing lately but I thought I was getting better til I realized I was like Abstaining from feeding myself BFBJSBFSJJFD

66ccff: o h my god

___: 

And I was like "oh fuck I'm a terrible person bc someone told me I should eat and j Didn't Do It I Failed Them"

66ccff: 

ahahahahaahahaha i thought i was getting better too but it was actually because i was just forcing myself to study to give myself an illusion of doing my part and then i went to school and my actual performance is like bad b/c i avoid so many activities that would make me better and i just

___: samd

66ccff: 

Wow i want to die!

___: 

hdjsjdjs

I think I only managed to eat cuz my brother was expecting me to

66ccff: tavpdfw you want to be punished constantly so you don't have to have anxiety about existing

___: 

Cuz he bought me dinner like 6 hours ago but I didn't touch it til now BFJDJD MEEEEE

66ccff: dkja;eljd;

___: 

GOD me: ah I feel good today Me like 3 hours later: oh my God I shouldn't feel good abt myself that's so Selfish ? I am trash

66ccff: oh Mood

___: Avpd solidarity

66ccff: 

honestly i love my environmental soicology class but liek it talks about how we're all consuming and putting things back into the environment

___: Idk how I manage to have avpd and __pd but that's how it is on ths bitch of an earth

66ccff: and i was literally contemplating if death was the only way to take myself out from the cycle

___: 

Me Bhhjsfjd

66ccff: 

i was like holy shit. it's not just consumption i forgot i also put bad gases into the air with everything i breathe i am Bad

___: 

All day today I was hearing abt what happened in Vegas and we were like. Talking in my apologetics class abt the Nature of Evil

66ccff: the true environmentalist take is death

___: And I was just thinking "why must I, exist if all I am is bad"

66ccff: 

oh my god same! i looked over my abt page and i was like this looks fake tumblerina

___: 

apologetics: so mankind is basically evil Me: great! I'll die so there's less evil in the world

66ccff: 

me ME

MEMEMMEMEMEMMEMEMEMEME

___: HHDHSBDJSHD

66ccff: 

sometimes i have fantasies of like going backwards and apologizing to everyone i've ever talked to and to everyone who ever had to work to produce what i've consumed

___: 

M. E

m

66ccff: 

and then hoping that they forget about me and then like disappearing forever i jsut can't see how some people can be like oh yeah factories in china and mexico earn less than 2 dollars an hour to make our stuff and not jus twant to kill themselves

___: 

I'm just pathetic and compulsive if I feel bad about stuff I apologize til like 2 weeks after God. Yea

66ccff: 

the joke is that people hate if you overapologize so you jsut damned if you do damned if you dont :upside_down:

___:

me: uh sorry for being sad People: don't apologize for that Me: Avpd:.  They are mad that I am apologizing also that I am sad Hhhfjjejd

Me: 

ME WKJD;LKD "can you stop saying sorry" "sorry"

___: 

me: oh God I'm so miserable Someone: oh im sorry Me: I wish I could accept this but Pity is too much for a lowly worm like me

66ccff: "what did i just say"

___: MMSNDNBHHHHHHGGGGG

66ccff: 

:smile: :gun:

MOOD

___: avpd feel when you don't deserve to be pitied ?

66ccff: pity is too much kindness ___: 

God yea

LIKE probably just a conflicted feel but I prefer ppl being active than pitying me but then I'm like

"that's selfish I don't deserve that ?"

66ccff: 

someone tells you to watch where you're going feel like you're unable to go outside for the rest of the day

___: 

m. mebdbdhdhdjs

66ccff: oh yeah the joke is that i want people to like. be kind to me but also i don't

___: hell brain

66ccff: so i can't say what i want

___: GGG YEAH

66ccff: 

be kind to me except don't because i'll feel invalid either way so maybe just don't talk to me >feels worse anyway

___: 

Hhhhhhhhhhh me Me: talk to me ? But I don't know what to talk abt ? But I am also not good enough for pity you could just sit there maybe But then the presence of another person will overwhlem me and I'll go cry again/s

66ccff: feel free to entertain yourself, and forget about me, ___: 

Mebdndmdkskdjsja god [looks at all cluster c disorders] you are all bitches and I hate tou

66ccff: 

tavpdfw u gotta depersonalize to make it through the day of talking to other people and acting like ur a normal human bean MOOD

___: GOD yea

66ccff: 

i have a question though if im depersonalizing why do i still feel terrible even if i feel ilke im fake smh

___: God me

66ccff: 

me: i'm not real so heres me acting like i am chill and cool person that is interesting maybe or maybe not me, inside: this sucks and i hate this but im not real so it shouldnt affect me but damn i hate this when u feel separate from your auto-pilot but you still experience all the shame you would without it :thinking: avpd is stupid and contradictory and evolutionarily useless

___: 

__pd isnkind of the same but like if you manage it well you can get stuff done but you still breakdown over the TINIEST DETAIL I hate it And I waste more time thinking abt what I'm gonna do and not actully DOING MT SHIT

66ccff: cripes

___: LIKE A NORMAL PERSON

66ccff:

me in high school UGH i'm ahving that problem right now dude in high school i used to just waste my days reading manga and thnking i should do my homeworka

___: 

me: I'll spend this hour scheduling [2hours later] Me: [stressed nbdjdjjsjdjsjdks

66ccff: and then i'd like. start at 10pm and fuck myself over ___: rip 66ccff: have a crying session at 4am every time an essay is due the next day ___: I actually didn't do one of my assignments tonight 66ccff: bad coping habits ___: Rip me I got discouraged over something lame JFJSNFKSNFD 66ccff: oh mood

___:

relationship issues: occur Me: well, I can't, do anything ever again

66ccff: 

i shouldn't even be discouraged abt my classes bc i'm here to learn and i'm just like. i know nothing i deserve to die kejd;kakejd friend, disagrees with you on something you feel unsure about: WELL I GUESS I AM BAD AND THEY HATE ME NOW time to ghost them

___: 

me: [perceives someone not caring for me] me: and Now...what is Mine Purpose...what do I live for...my Friends....have all abandoned m MEEEEEE avpd sounds super dramatic when you separate it from yourself but like In the moment I'm always just [jdut starts Fucking Crying

66ccff: 

i just want to manage to some kind of social work, give my wealth to some impoverished family, and then kms before 30

yeah my therapists in the past are like why... so soon

___: Jfjdjfjdf 66ccff: and i'm just like "why not i need to minimize all my ills on the world and also on the emotions of my family" ___: That reminds me of like. One of my mutuals talking abt how early he sleeps and he was just 66ccff: this is the optimal time look my life plan

___: 

"why be awake longer than necessary"

Hdhdhfjsjfdjdjdband. I was just . Me

66ccff:

because you hate yourself too much sleep :^)

___: 

God yea That's true. Me rn

I should've been asleep like an hour ago but [plays secret of Mana and then mopes]

66ccff:

dude i used to have bouts of insomnia b4 i got drugs that knock me out (and help me w/ anxiety) like.... i would lay awake and every second of being awake was just making the situation worse

___: I feel like I should get meds to balance out my bipolar eps but

66ccff: but then i couldn't sleep anyway so it was a damned situation ___: my parents r so anti meds 66ccff: rrghbh

___: 

also like Internalized ableism That I don't Needthem and So Many people don't need them

66ccff: oh yeah, why do my essay when i can read an hour of garbage romo manga and feel slightly less bad during that time and then hate myself more

___: 

So I Can do it cuz I'm like Everyone Else and not like Those "crazy" people Rifp

66ccff: 

man i don't wanna encourage meds if your side effects r bad but honestly how did i get the fuck through high school other than triggering intense anxiety about all assignments

like... i was so nonfunctional i shouldn't have even been in school

.....

66ccff: 

all accessibility problems are solvable humans are so bad

___: caring ? About others ? What a concept 66ccff: except sometimes they are good but that is definitely not me

___: 

Me

Ok I try to overcompensate w good to make up for inherent badness THANKS RELIGION

66ccff: 

the US is like: here's a pricetag for your life pay up

___: AAAA

66ccff: 

yeah i can see how christainity wouldn't help there w/ the "original sin" and stuff that doesn't quite exist in other abrahamic religions iirc judaism doesn't even have hell

___:  it's really weird

66ccff: 

i'm guessing its bc of jesus like.... y'all binches killed him so now this is life - christainity

___: 

Like. Christianity makes the most sense to me probably cuz I grew up w it but fuck Man

66ccff:  o yeah i grew up w/ some christianity too ___: It's FUCKED!!!!!! 66ccff:  i actually have agoraphobia issues w/ going inside of churches ___: Oh same 66ccff:  :^) ___: I'm actually fairly anti-church just because the current state of them is very bsd 66ccff:  oh yeah

....

66ccff: 

how can someone like me, who is literally not deserving of life, raise someone else

scrumbles

___:

Me Hdjehdsk

66ccff:  ___ we are so fucked ___: 

It's true Life is fucked We, are fucked

66ccff: existence is violence

[nomaishuttle]

NEWRLY FORGOT 2 UODATE UNGUYS. NOTTTT TO BRAG BUT I TOTALLY ACED THAT SHIT

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

So there is talk of canceling all the NHRA races ajd only travelling to the 4 lane race tracks.

The 34% that's good want to help with the human trafficking situation. For which we would split up because its safer that way.

Thus it would create a longer break.

So then we would work a way to do the 20 races left and all the qualifying and eliminations.

The 1 thing that bugs me about the 4 lane tracks is that 3 cars are eliminated.

So we could change it so that one car is eliminated per elimination race. The slowest.

That would completely change the racing dramatically but for the competition rounds those last 5 i think is fairest quite honestly. I used to play with Hot Wheels and my cars raced, flew, jumped from the chairs/cliffs and landed with just a crunch down and dust kick up and swerve and ready to go. They'd jump from the chair to the coffee table. So I know a little bit about cars... I mean... We did the whole back up rush hour traffic through the kitchen when Denise was cooking to piss her off :D That's a 30 car back up that moved one kitchen tile at a time. Shed be screaming and yelling and i would tell her "they're stuck in traffic. Hold on I'll get the cop and he will speed them up" Then she would yell at me about my police car cause it was trashed. "Oh that's because yesterday i had to rock him under the chair and smash him for punishment because he let the Dukes of Hazard get away again. I swear he does it on purpose. No one is that dumb. But tomorrow he chases the blue car who is no fun. Like you the mom and he smashes into it and wrecks up more so Then they both get smashed up under the rocking chair. Hey you're fat you think you could sit in the chair and really break them?" Purple car days were good. I had 2. And they both popped up in the back and the purple ones always let the cops win. They made the cops feel as good as they looked. So they weren't friends or enemies but neutral. They hung out together sometimes ans smoked pot. I usually put them on the Care Bear vinyl record player for that And let them spin.

And so that has nothing to do with drag racing because my cars didn't do that shit. Like never.

They had business. The cops determined who was fastest. And who had a bigger heart.

So if we did like 3 races in one that would be 6 days of qualifying. Then 3 days of eliminations.

But if we are using 4 lanes. I think we should take advantage of that and eliminate one car per race... So that would be 2 days of racing and then we can do 2 day of regular eliminations or so a 6 day set of eliminations of eliminating only 1 car per race.

So the thing is time and cash.

And the thing is 4 days of 2 long days of racing and 2 short days.

Or 6-8 days of long racing.

I personally think the 1 car elimination is more fair and more enjoyable as more people are racing during The day

I think financially it would be worth it.

I mean the point to race is to be in that car. So being in the car is most important.

Sure it would be tiring but we could take a break or just keep twerking it straight through.

Have 3 sets of racing per day as opposed to 4 yet also we could do 7 sets of racing.

We can do 5 Then 4 then 5 then 6 etc. Or 7 then 3 the next day.

Jam pack a day full to the hilt then have a short day the next day and get in a full 10.

Also with 64% gone there's not gonna be so many drivers... So that makes a difference.

Tree tells me the ratio.

10 drivers left funny car.

20 top fuel alcohol

14 top fuel nitro

5 pro mod

10 pro sports

15 motorcycle

With 1420 mechanics for the above and 74 drivers.

Only 20 motorcycle mechanics.

So we have a problem with only statistical avg of 2 mechanics per car.

So we will need to hire. So I've lit some cars to hire. So 7000 have been lit. And then administration will live mostly so that at least is ok.

So idk who i lit because it was magic and we will double check what I did. And then they should have mechanical experiences or ability to follow directions. Im told almost all are mechanics.

I never hire people i know so don't be offended. That is up to someone else to light up. But if they're child less then yes. If they have kids then they need a family plan. I don't assume my family wants to do what I have my palm prints in. They all make their own lives. But i do have 2 cousins. 1 i had talked to years ago. Single. And now another who is now single and kidless due to DNA4U. And so tree offered to talk to some. I don't like getting into family drama and all that dynamics. I don't like people in mine. So it's not an easy job. Its hard. So Tree will inquire and light it up for call ins. Theres a short interview process about abilities to place in the correct job.

So currently there are over 400 drivers total. And over 7020.

And we will have 260 drivers total and 3314 mechanics.

So like i thought before it could balance out almost exactly. But at the same time we can get more drivers and more mechanics.

I have Hire D at 700 and Hire M at 25,000.

So you'll want to phase it out. At home schooling on the computer with tests and then training. Also sending parts can work but only after they have worked on them in a class room or on car. Or both

Its easier to sit down 40 people and have 15 people walk around to make sure those 40 have installed parts correctly in a class room and examine each part that way than have each in a car. It's more spacious and etc

Then move to a garage eventually and have each person assemble the entire car piece by piece.

If they don't know the whole car Then they don't have business touching it. I think.

Cause If they bump something over there and mess it up well they dont know what it does or why it's important and dont wanna get in trouble so they keep their mouth shut and the driver dies.

So at least they can fix it If they don't want to admit they hit it.

But more so they can say the lever for the thingy on the doodads turned left with anatomical correct words.

And they can all be tuners and all be crew chief and they're all trained equal

And they can pick which part they enjoy more