#all i know is that i love gwen and she has spy energy

[tepikvinxi]

i keep forgetting this is tumblr and i can just share whatever

Have my silly little Spiritfarer as TF2 mercs idea thingy that sprouted simply because i was fixating on both in the same time frame.. I have my who's what, along with my reasonings and whatever else under the cut :)

warning, this is scatterbrained and i also have Not done my research this is all mostly based off of vibes

My brain said i would be limiting to two spirits per class, so it's not completly even since there's not enough spirits to fill both teams. I could use some of the off ship characters too tho... haven't been on that

Anyways, to start off, we have:

Stella as a Scout/Ms. Pauling. I kinda had is as a tie since she seems to fit both? She runs around doing athletic feats, wears a hat, and is a general nuciance to the public (at times). She can also double jump, Irrefutable Evidence right there! I also have a much easier time imagining Stella as a scout than whaterer pauling does lol. Plus she gets called scout by Bruce, which is something i love. For the Pauling Arguement, she is the playable character in the game, so it feels kinda weird to mix her in with the other spirits (for whatever reason). She also, more so, does a lot of things (which is part of the game mechanic but still) for the others, an obligation a scout wouldn't have to meet. Especially for both teams! Also that. She would be interacting with both teams, so it'd be tough as a member of one to peacfully interact with the other. I'm thinking it'd be a change from one role to the other. Either she starts as a Pauling/admin's asisstant/whatever, and then one way or another transfers to a scout, or she starts as a scout on the battlefield and somehow ranks up out of it. I think i like the second idea better, but oh well. I probably won't ever fully flesh this out anyways.

Daffodil is still just Stella's cat, no change there

Gwen is a Spy. She's the whole spark of this idea lol. I just saw her and was like: spy tf2 vibes fr, and here we are. What can i say, she smokes, she's posh, she looks like she could most definately stab you. 10/10. I say she's still Stella's childhood friend.

Atul is a Soldier. He hops. That's not all but that's the main reason. He's a very boisturous fella, and a loud one too!

Summer is a Sniper. I dunno, maybe it's cuz she's a snake and a plant, spirituality person. It works for me. She could totally snipe someone.

Astrid would be a Heavy. Strong, dependable, intelligent. I feel like the role of a heavy fits her greatly.

Alice as an Engineer. No matter where i put here i felt awkward since how could i put a sweet old hedgehog lady onto a battlefield?? This felt like my best bet lol. If anything, she would work as a support class with a lower requirement for mobility.

Gustav is a Medic. Look at him.

Giovanni just feels like a Demo. He's got that brash, lively attitude and a compulsive behaviour to match.

Bruce would be a Scout. He's shown at a hummingbird, small and gone with a flash. He also has the personality for sure.

Mickey could be a Heavy. Strong and silent (at least in-game). Bruce and Mickey would still be brothers, as they should be.

Beverly would also be a Medic. Is it because she's a bird? Honestly, probably! Her personality also meshes well with the medic class

Buck is a Soldier. Not sure where i pulled this one from but he's a soldier.

Stanley is a Pyro. Childish and a big imagination. Because he's a literal child but still.

Jackie would be a Demo. He's got that loud, sharp, self-hating vibe that only a demoman could contain.

Daria as a Sniper. Isolated, spiritual. Plus she's a flying critter and higher grounds are good for sniping. I don't really know what else she'd be. It seems like the best option since a sniping spot would be out of the way of a loud battle.

Elena would be a great fit for The Administrator lol. I almost forgot about her. My leftover roles on the list didn't seem like they would work for her minimalist personality anyways.

There is no personality changes or whatever. Just basically these characters in the spots of the others.

I have a lot less then i thought i did, but that makes sense lol. I've had ideas for drawing them but not the motivation :/ I'm also unsure if it would be better to give the spirits human designs or just leave them as their respective animals. Who knows if i'll work on this more... I just wanted to get this idea out! I might add more stuff later

Here's some of the sketches i did when i was still playing spiritfarer

Also this picture I sent to my friend while making references because it's just so silly to me???!?? What??? Swag Deer Lady vs French Man

[rappaccini]

arachnophobia ch4 notes

title

from "nobody's daughter", by hole

hole: another great grunge band of the 90s, fronted by courtney love, who is often remembered not for her achievements as an artist, but for being kurt cobain's wife. and is often blamed for his death.

nobody's daughter: this chapter's about gwen finally being fully disillusioned with the society and the man leading it, wanting out, and deciding to own her consequences. and, you know, rejecting miguel for trying to make her the replacement for his daughter.

rot is a bit of a motif for the gwens in this fic. so's drowning at the bottom of a body of water.

opening quote

from everything everywhere all at once, directed by daniels

this is the mentor-confrontation chapter. jess is aware that she's failing gwen, and has chosen to keep doing so and justify it. miguel has no fucking clue. and peter actually recognizes that he fucked up. the former two are the ones to watch out for.

jess

gwen is now a spider-gwen. we're halfway through the story, so it's time for her to embrace that distinction. and to use it to break apart her sense of closeness with jess.

we're at the bargaining stage of the seven stages of grief. this chapter is about gwen talking to three mentors who essentially hold her life in her hands, trying to see if she can come to terms with them, and concluding it isn't possible.

pav called jess. he's a nice kid who trusts the society, and being a friend of gwen's, he's probably had a lot of interactions with her. when he gets worried about gwen, he calls her foster mom.

and jess called miguel.

gwen saw jess as a mother from the moment she blurted out 'can you adopt me' in the guggenheim. she's a teenage girl whose own mother died when she was young, who's constantly searching for specifically female role models.

i've always really wondered about how nueva york feels about the tower of dimension-hopping spiders downtown. probably a lot of conspiracy theories.

gwen's spider-sense is reminding her of earth-65a's cindy moon and sue storm. more on this later.

jess is capable of genuine maternal concern towards gwen. she's just also capable of shutting it down.

jess did the bare minimum of not leaving a teenager alone with her dad while he's pointing a gun at her, and then proceeded to do nothing but neglect her after the fact. gwen has to sleep over at hobie's, so she hasn't even found this girl a place to stay.

in the comics, roxxon is the slimy energy corporation responsible for the spider that bit gwen. she was at a political protest against them when it happened.

timeline note: gwen's been at the society for seven-going-on-eight months, to atsv's five.

'the wrong spider-woman' ... subconsciously, gwen wants to speak to earth-8 gwen.

some jessicas do have pheromones. no clue if 332 jess does.

another important lesson for gwen to learn: not all women support each other simply on the basis of their gender.

jess's origin here is mostly fabrication. comics-jess's origin is honestly so convoluted it was difficult to make sense of. i kept the bit about her father experimenting on her to save her from an illness-- felt like a girl who spent her whole childhood in and out of hospitals would turn into a thrill-seeker once she's finally healthy. so in my mind, jess got the bike and put on the mask to make up for lost time.

and jess is often a spy or agent in her depictions; 332-jess still has those positive associations with the government, given how one of their projects saved her life.

332-gwen's the girl with cancer glimpsed in chapter 1.

jessica drew in the comics doesn't have a gwen; her existence here is all made up for the fic. the death needed to fit jess's hospital backstory, give her some level of agency in causing it, while still making it ultimately out of her control. ergo, jess gets the serum, gwen does not. and like any gwen death: jess does feel responsible, and gwen isn't even given any say in it.

"it was a mercy" girl no the fuck it wasn't.

jess is like any other spider-man, making her gwen's death the most important thing about her.

and jess's issues with gwen are also personal. she isn't the girl jess was best friends with, and she's not happy about it.

every time a gwen is saved by her spider, the narrative tends to sling some bullshit about how ~we would have been better off if she died~ -- so jess very much regrets taking gwen out of 65b.

there are so many different jessica drews. she's a difficult character to pin down because of it. makes you wonder what made miguel want a jess as his right hand, and what made this jess accept.

in my mind, it's that, apart from her preexisting sense of loyalty to shady government/policing structures, she wants that consistency he provides. she wants to be the definitive jess, so if she's in his inner circle, he'll be persuaded to adjust the narrative in her favor.

and jess can't see eye to eye with gwen. all jess wants is what gwen technically has-- a clear-cut purpose in the story that everyone agrees on and finds important. she can't relate to gwen resenting that purpose.

another callback to gwen's best female villains: they're women who want what she has. cindy moon in earth-65 created the radioactive spider and is angry that gwen got powers instead of her, and considers her unworthy of it. sue storm wants the fame and acclaim ghost-spider has as the biggest hero in nyc, and believes she's too ugly and problematic to have such a platform, so she blackmails her into fleeing the universe (... not that the comics ever follow up on that).

65b gwen's three and a half years into being spider-woman, yet she hasn't even had her identity revealed to her dad yet. by that time, 65a gwen had not only revealed it to her father, but been depowered, venomized, exposed, arrested and been to prison. gwen b's taking an oddly long time to meet her canon events.

her supporting cast is also smaller-- there's no harry osborn, for one. and there's no murdock to send the rhino to attack her dad, which is how her identity's exposed to him in the comics. had to point that out.

gwen b is much more... palatable than gwen a. she's a graceful dancer, not a clumsy bruiser. she's sixteen, not nineteen. she's level-headed, not temperamental. she loved her peter back and he died as a mistake; he wasn't a borderline incel who she beat to death. she's capable of infiltrating visions academy and fucking alchemax. she's strategic and level-headed, and doesn't go cracking nearly as many puns and burns or giving emotional speeches.

all of which probably make her more appealing to the society than her comics-alternative.

jess's goal was keeping gwen from slipping off that pedestal. she failed.

the captain gwen stacy is an invention for the fic. just felt like a permutation that'd show up.

jess's method of catching gwen is all in her words.

jess cares, but not enough. she'll tell gwen there are others like her, but won't protect her from miguel.... but she'll still act like she will to save face.

gwen needed a little closure with pav, even if it's just asking jess to let him know she's okay with him.

peter b

the society's fucking giant. probably an intimidation tactic.

peter b also knows-- i imagine the inner circle are all aware gwen's being sent home. he is not okay with it, and wants to get gwen's side of things.

he's also trying to be a dad here.

in the comics, gwen and peter-616 go for hot dogs. little nod to that too.

you really do have to wonder how pete responded to learning that all his exes formed a band and are dating each other.

and a hint of that spider-man entitlement bubbles up, assuming all the girls do is talk and write about him.

i assume peter b's dealt with clones in his world already.

i'm also guessing he's a stay at home dad, simply bc of how complicated having a baby who can wallcrawl would be.

peter b has to be the halfway point in this fic. he's the original peter who dropped gwen, the source of this death curse. and he's the first spider-man to acknowledge that he does not have the answers as to how to deal with this problem.

peter and miles are still in contact. so everything gwen says here WILL get back to him.

one of the central problems with miles and gwen as a couple in the comics is that the relationship is based on the idea of gwen avoiding her problems by attaching herself to a guy, and miles pursuing gwen because she's a way to assimilate into respectable spider-man-ness. their awful date issue happened during a time where marvel was just throwing peter's leftovers at miles to try and make him stick. his leftover villains and rewarmed plotlines. and his old girlfriend.

recontextualized here: miles's crush was genuine to start, but it was still shallow. he barely knows her! he had a year and a half to project anything he wanted onto her, so what IS left at this point except for the aesthetic of her, in his mind? and then when he gets to the society, all he hears is 'you have to be just like peter', so he puts two and two together, and decides that he should get with gwen simply because it'll make him a more legitimate spider-man.

1048 miles is from the insomniac games. that uncanny valley video game model style would undoubtedly creep the spiderverse-animation-style characters out.

another mention of venom: he's one of the central antagonists of the upcoming ps5 game, and venom's going to show up in this fic soon, so you need to keep being reminded of that name.

interesting that miguel centers his canon theory on peter parker's history. one has to wonder what motivated it-- my guess, there are more peter-spider-men than anyone else, so he assumes they're closer to the ideal.

and miles, in the movies, in the game, in the comics, is always held up in comparison to peter. one would think 1610b miles would learn that if he hung out with his alt selves.

gwen very much is peter's sloppy seconds. that's the whole problem with gwiles. it only exists to shove miles's story full of elements that are unique to peter, rather than letting him find his own. if miles and gwen get together, he's still trying to be like peter.

siat salt: the basis of comics-miles's attraction to gwen is that he thinks she's hot, he likes that she has powers, and he enjoys the way his friends react to him overselling their tepid romance. literally, comics-miles sees gwen as a prize.

movie miles at least has an emotional connection with her... but that's not enough to overcome the lack of time spent together, or all the pressure on him to be like peter. his feelings for her are sincere, but the relationship would always be poisoned by those external factors.

itsv salt: gwen, peter b and miles aren't an equal trio. it's miles, his mentor, and the girl who will be his love interest. it's a ninety degree angle, not a triangle. gwen and peter b do not have a deep connection. they behave like coworkers, not friends.

during itsv, why is peter treating a 15-year-old girl like she's an adult when he's mentoring a 14-year-old boy so carefully?

and since gwen landed 'last week' how exactly was she not glitching harder than peter, who was only there for a few days?

... and where was she sleeping during that time? visions is a boarding school so crowded miles had to win a lottery to get in-- there aren't any beds available.

and why was she even at visions? miles wasn't even bitten yet. and there was a spider-hero with her exact powers, who she had days to reach out to, and didn't. because she was just hanging around a middle school for no reason.

(the reason: the writers wanted to set her up as miles's love interest. that's the entire purpose of her presence in itsv.)

and how does gwen not mention or seem affected by ripeter's death? he's a second peter parker who died on her watch, and this one was a spider like her, who she had all the time to reach out to.

it'd have made far more sense if gwen is introduced at the collider, collaborating with spider-man and trying to get home, but failing.

anyway. peter b absolutely failed gwen. he did not protect or mentor her in itsv, or after she joined the society. he's complicit in all the shit miguel and jess were doing to her. it had to be brought up.

and here, peter b realizes he fucked up.

the first gwen stacy hated spider-man. spider-gwen deserves that too.

peter ii

(general salt about spider-gwen in general: literally the moment she was created-- the second gwen stacy was alive, had powers and her own world and story-- all the writers and fandom could imagine for her was "which man can she belong to" and they got to work throwing versions of spider-man at her. the one that stuck was miles, not because they were a good match, but because he was the one who babytrapped her in an alternate future. so from day 1, people still saw spider-gwen's 'purpose' as 'spider-man's future babymaker.' they never changed their view of gwen stacy, or questioned what harm that perception of her did to the original. imagine sexism rotting your brain that much. imagine being that fucking stupid.)

(imagine being one of the spiderverse writers, reading the earth-8 shipping episode, and thinking "what if you fall in love with boy #2 instead of boy #1, and if you're really loyal to him, then we won't kill you!" is a stunning twist instead of an insulting step backwards for a character who'd already escaped her narrative.)

(gwen, miles and peter are a trio in the comics, in large part because of synergy with these movies. it never made sense that spider-gwen wanted to be their friend, when all they fucking do is objectify and hit on her. the comic hierarchy will never let her call them on their shit or be angry at them. at least in this fic, she gets to say she hates it.)

"it's okay to be selfish" is right out of the comics. issue 4 of seanan mcguire's ghost-spider run. one of the most touching modern peter parker moments in years.

applied here to a peter who's been spider-man for almost thirty years, who has a family now, it's even more crucial. finding that balance is why he was able to last.

movie salt: a girl who keeps being ordered to give up her life and autonomy to serve the story of a guy discovering that she deserves to be selfish is essential. it's far more revolutionary and genre-busting than 'i should continue to be selfless, but this time For Miles instead of For Peter'

spider-man blue is an amazing comic about peter's connection to gwen. i read it to prep for this section and can't recommend it enough. that's where peter having a box of her stuff in his attic comes from.

it was the consensus of the writers of the original comics that mary jane was the better love interest than gwen. the plan was originally for peter and gwen to remain together, but the second mj appeared, they knew it was over and needed an excuse to get rid of her. her personality was a bigger hit with readers.

the tragedy of peter and gwen isn't that they didn't end up together-- it's that they didn't get to drift apart on their own terms.

peter b tells the truth: in chapter 1, he lied about his gwen being passed out to shield gwen from the uglier details. here, he's finally ready to admit what actually happened.

and he's the first spider-man (apart from hobie) who understands that gwen wants to know who his gwen was while she was alive.

616 gwen's defining feature isn't that she's pretty, though she is. it's that she's smart. she was as smart as peter, and she was a deeply kind girl who cared deeply about her friends and family. (she was also slightly bitchy at times, fwiw) and she was the one who decided to return to new york; peter didn't make her.

65 gwen IS a lot like her-- but here peter stops himself. because it shouldn't matter if they're similar. 65 gwen should be her own person too.

peter b's dad instincts finally function, and recognize gwen as one of His Kids. however, if he prevents gwen from going into this confrontation or tries to go in with her, then it's about him redeeming himself as a father figure and not her growing. it had to be shut down.

everything gwen tells peter will get back to miles.

peter b's hug is another bookend on chapter 1. now he actually holds her like she's alive, and like she's his kid.

in general, during this chapter, i was trying to walk the line of gwen being on the verge of turning into a supervillain, and being pulled back from the edge by this conversation with peter. if he had not been here, if he had not figured his shit out and therefore shown her it's possible for spider-people to change, she would probably have fully disowned all the other spiders. she would never give miles the chance to apologize to her. the eventual council of spider-women would have become the isolationist group it is in the comics, she would not help miles save 1610 from the spot, and she would never have answered pav's call.

(and while we're on that topic, there's a version of this fic where gwen went full villain in chapter 3. she fully snapped and killed pav, snatched a watch from hq on her own, and made the council an organization who actively kill other spider-people to protect their dimensions' gwen stacys. i almost wrote that fic instead, but it ended up being this instead. i didn't end up writing it because it was too depressing, and because after further thinking, i figured hobie's relationship with gwen is what stopped that future from happening: she had someone taking care of her, giving her somewhere semi-stable to stay, and validating all her anger-- and therefore gwen goes into her breakdown with an understanding that it IS possible for spiders to do better.)

miguel

gwen knows she's getting sent home. she just wants to see if she can get the spider-gwen info out of him and get him to let gayatri live.

she accidentally gave him the idea to use alternate gwens as placeholders. that's coming back.

gwen's death is the backbone of the multiverse. so many alternates and what-ifs exist around her death.

the first thing miguel does in atsv is fuck up a canon event scenario-- the captain's death.

how isn't gwen the original anomaly. if gwen's death is a canon event, and there's a spider-gwen running around two years before the collider exploded, something's fishy.

fandom salt: gwen is capable of thinking and feeling and doing things that don't involve miles

offscreen miles activity: his dad's captain, and projected to die soon. he's flipping his shit. someone told him about his anomaly status and earth-42, and he's catching on that this is bullshit too.

miles's arc in atsv is perfect. i wanted to preserve it, even if it's happening offscreen and slower, and without gwen.

margo and peter b are taking on that role here.

sorry movies, but gwen and miles's relationship can't break canon. it reinforces the idea that gwen can only be spider-man's girlfriend, and that miles has to be like peter parker.

hence why miguel's invested in it. the two loose ends are tied up.

on gwen's end, if she marries miles and has kids with him, the subversiveness of her story dies. she'll never be allowed to leave his shadow again and any attempt to do so will be demonized.

the married-with-kids ending for gwiles turns her into an object to make a man more impressive. the spider-man who saves his gwen, keeps her alive and reproduces with her is the most special one, after all. it's not about her. it's about him and his legacy. anyone who wants that ending for gwen is either naive to its consequences for her, totally indifferent to it, or they DO know, and part of the appeal of this outcome is taking an independent woman, clipping her wings, and turning her into a trophy.

(miles is the first. miguel is the latter.)

earth-8 gwen is presented in canon as one of the Best Outcomes for gwen. which, to the men who wrote that storyline, no. gwen's a queer punk girl who wants to play the drums, not get married, pump out a nuclear family and become a supercop. she loves her world so much that abandoning it would break her heart. it's not a perfect future for 65 gwen, it's a miserable one.

fic-gwen has just put that together. her first impulse was to hate gwen-8 because she assumed she's complicit in trying to force gwen to be like her. now she's putting together that she's also a victim to this larger system.

there are plenty of alt-spider gwens, but not very many with any distinguishing features. five were chosen to be featured here:

trn457: ultimate cartoon-- this gwen's a young teen who makes herself a hero with tech from her dad's robocop line, choosing to be a hero even when miles already is one, and not doing so to be his sidekick or partner.

trn684: marvel rising cartoon. a diet comics gwen, aged down for the grade schoolers her show is aimed at. she's a drummer, with a skimpier design, bolder hair, and this gwen, like movies-gwen didn't kill her male best friend (a... kevin), but is assumed to by the cops. she also has gliders!

trn-18157: the marvel action comics, aimed at younger readers, where gwen is one of a plucky reporter trio trio with miles and peter. just friends! imagine that!

trn-17628, marvel spider-man 2017 cartoon. peter, miles, gwen and anya are classmates at a school for genius teens who become spiders together. gwen and anya have a gay vibe here.

earth-8311. spider-guin. the pun is great. gwen still being flightless is hilarious.

atsv gwen's penguin stuffed animal is a reference to her. and that her pink hair's a nod to her marvel rising counterpart.

all the spider-gwens, despite being from separate canons, affect each other. gwen has pink hair because marvel rising gwen did. gwen's a drummer from e65 who lost peter because comics gwen is.... and because movie-gwen is being made into miles's girlfriend, other versions of spider-gwen will probably follow suit. synergy.

which is why the girlfriendification of gwen in these movies is so awful. it's going to spread.

marvel action and msm17 gwen were chosen specifically to show that it isn't required for gwen to be spider-man's girlfriend. it was always possible for her to be just friends with miles and peter.

gwen is a symbol to the society. look at how great we are, we even raised gwen from the dead and made her one of us. and her presence makes miguel seem all the more special for being the one who did it.

the vibe between gwen and miguel is murky and fascinating. he keeps her close but treats her poorly. her father was redesigned for the movie to look more like miguel, whose defining death is now his daughter, whose name starts with a g. he is very much her father figure.

yet there are also miguels who are romantically involved with their gwens. earth-187319 is real. points for gwen for literally choosing to incinerate herself instead of date him.

like peter b, gwen exists for miguel in this gray area between daughter and girlfriend. unlike peter b, miguel can't or won't recognize gwen as her own unique entity. i think even he isn't totally sure what to do with gwen; he's using her as a gabi-replacement goldfish, but he's also very aware of other miguels whose gwens served a different role.

in my mind, he's on the verge of crossing that line. makes for eerier interactions.

adherence to canon is slowly wrecking miguel too. everyone is a victim.

perfect gwen of earth-8 is what a male writer would think is the ideal future for gwen stacy. it's what a father would want for his daughter: for her to grow up pretty, smart, polite, enter a respectable job and surround herself with respectable people. for her to marry and have the right number of kids with the safe boy he approves of, who won't challenge the status quo.

so though perfect gwen has a lot to offer the society, she's really here to be an ideal for gwen to strive towards. there's nothing scarier for a father than watching his daughter grow up and become a complicated, flawed adult.

especially watching her seek out romantic and sexual connections he doesn't approve of.

being the daughter archetype doesn't give you any more freedom or protection than being the lover.

miguel only thinks gwen's special because he's the one that protected her. it's still all about him.

and of COURSE the way gwen's punished in atsv is being sent to another male figure for punishment. it's always about which man is currently in control of gwen.

comic-gwen's most effective male villains are men who want to control, influence and own her or punish her for not using her power (... her body) in ways they approve of. just like in the comics, gwen is pressed into joining a shady organization led by a man whose name starts with the letter m (miguel, murdock) who holds her power at arms length unless she performs services for him, and has a skeevy vibe with her.

and yes, comics gwen beat the shit out of him.

'gwen yeets miguel' was the only note i had for this section in my outline.

the one person who'll do something about gwen's death is hobie.

bringing back the red. and a mention of something dangerous. that's coming back too.

punching up is the answer. she's finally figured that out.

she's on her way to hobie.

another serendipitous moment: if 616 gwen stayed in london, she'd have survived. and look at that, along comes a londoner spider-man who's the only one working to secure her freedom, and who wants her to have self-definition and agency. it's too perfect.

closer quote

from jason latour's radioactive spider-gwen. this is the moment gwen-617 calls the watcher on his shit for trying to force 65 gwen to be with miles to produce the earth-8 timeline, for mocking her female supporting cast, for being angry that getting venomized didn't turn gwen into a villain. in short, for demanding she fit into a neat little box instead of become her own character.

and in context here, it refers to miguel, not being able to handle the thought of a gwen not fitting into her preconceived box.

[frasier-crane-style]

oKAY, I got a few Redbox rental for my birthday, so I decided to pick up Spider-Man: Far From Home, skip all the Disney Channel Original Movie stuff, and see how it stacks up as a pure Spider-Man movie. Which is not easy, because they’re in full Marvel movie mode, and every two minutes there’s a wacky aside or a sight gag or something. It’s not even Peter making jokes, which would be in-character. It’s just banter about Happy’s password being Password and stuff. There’s not one wholly dramatic scene in this movie, it has this Epic Movie sense of humor where something ‘hilarious’ is always defusing the tension. Like, all that’s missing is Leslie Nielsen being the tour guide.

1. Mexico. Mysterio has used ‘Sandman’ (confusingly referred to as a ‘cyclone with a face’--and then Spider-Man never even fights him) to destroy a town. I gotta say--if Mysterio has the ability to pull off no-bullshit terror attacks... yeah, the Sandman is fake, but the damage is real... why not just do that? It seems like there are a ton of evil organizations who would pay him loads of money.

2. Also, Mysterio is really not shy about lowering the dome and showing his face. Wouldn’t a quick facial recognition scan, of the kind that you’d think Nick Fury would run all the time, ID him as Quentin Beck? And even if he’s going “hey, that’s my double, I’m from an alternate universe,” shouldn’t Nick Fury be a bit suspicious that the double of this mysterious new superhero is a disgruntled and unstable Stark employee?

3. By the way, I know the twist is that Nick Fury is really a Skrull and that’s why he’s so incompetent--telling Peter to take his mask off in front of fucking Mysterio--but Nick Fury left a Skrull playing him, so... who’s that on? You’d think any given Agent of SHIELD would do better.

4. First action scene. Hydroman attacks Venice and is defeated by Mysterio, with Spider-Man slightly assisting. He’s left his costume back at the hotel, so he does this while using a Venetian mask to disguise himself. Hilariously, he quickly takes this off to, yes, show us his face. (Also, I guess no one notices that Not!Spider-Man is wearing the exact same clothes and has the exact same body type as Peter.) He also doesn’t make any quips besides referring to himself as “really strong and sticky.” Being awkward is not a one-liner, movie. 

5. Also, others have pointed out that this Spider-Man seems more concerned about saving property than saving lives, and it must be said that for much of this fight, Peter is trying to stop a belltower from collapsing, with no sign that he’s buying time for people to evacuate it or anything. Sure, it’s a worthy goal and all, but I have to ask how much good patching a belltower up with webbing is going to do? It’ll dissolve in an hour and then where are you? Does he really think the authorities will be able to fix it up before then? Seems like he would be better served letting it collapse and attacking Hydroman to keep him from doing more damage.

6. You ever notice how movie characters always refer to sleeping pills and such as ‘a mild sedative’? Naut Fury shoots Ned/Ganke with a dart that instantly knocks him out, then calls it “a mild tranquilizer.” Christ, what would a strong tranquilizer do, put him in a coma for ten years?

7. Man, it’s weird how inconsistent this movie is with basic characterization. Peter turns down saving the world because Spider-Man being seen in Europe might give away his identity, but he’s also blase about taking off his mask in front of Nick Fury and co. And Tom Holland walking around unmasked really makes it obvious that his suit is a CGI effect that his head is awkwardly hovering on top of. I guess just putting someone in a costume is a lost art.

And I’m not even watching this on Blu-Ray. This is a DVD, because Redbox is shit and, even though their e-mail said the promo code was good for a Blu-Ray, apparently I can only use it for a DVD. Thanks, thanks for ruining my special day. Prats.

8. I know the whole EDITH thing has been meta’d elsewhere, but I just want to point out that Stark Enterprises has a ‘global defense network’. With drones and backdoors into every telecommunications company. Imagine if Microsoft announced that, oh, hey, we have a Panzer division. I guess Stark Enterprises is a PMC now? I thought they went into clean energy. Apparently they still make weapons, but now they... hoard them to use for their own purposes? Not creepy at all. Like, Marvel does realize they are writing an evil megacorporation here, right?

9. Oh, now we’re just getting aggressively stupid. Peter is met by a SHIELD agent who insists that he strip to change into an alternate, non-Spider-Man suit (so I guess, after an action scene where he’s in civilian clothes, now we’re going to get one where he’s in this spy costume. Yeah, I hate seeing Spider-Man in a Spider-Man movie.) I’m not sure why he has to do this now instead of simply putting the suit in his backpack. I’m also not sure why he has to strip in front of her. He doesn’t even try to go somewhere private to change and she doesn’t say anything like “Why are you taking off your clothes in front of me like a retard? Go around the corner or something, fuckwit.” It’s all to set up a scene where Peter gets seen by his (sigh) rival for MJ’s heart, who takes a cell phone picture, leading us to... well, leading me to wonder why they couldn’t have put a little more thought into staging this scene so it was slightly believable? Like he could have trouble putting it on in private, the female agent could go to check on him, and Random Non-canon Character could stumble in on them that way. But anyway.

10. With literally insane ease, Peter designates Brad a target and EDITH launches a drone strike on him. For various ridiculous reasons, Peter can’t just say abort, so he eventually distracts EVERYONE by saying there are baby mountain goats, webs the drone while no one is looking, and--that works. No one notices.

Man, that’s some fucking weaksauce.

11. I’m fast-forwarding a bunch, but we seem to spend a lot of time on Peter trying to get his friends out of harm’s way for the upcoming fight scene in Prague, only for them to end up in harm’s way. For the second action sequence in a row. It seems like he could’ve succeeded and then just been trying to rescue normal civilians instead of people he knows personally, but then I guess we couldn’t have Ned and Betty/Gwen providing odious comic relief every other moment. Like, shit, Marvel, if you like dumb jokes so much, why don’t you just get Mike and the Bots to riff your movie? That’s pretty much what you’re doing anyway.

12. Peter’s new costume has no fingers on the gloves, so he’s leaving his prints everywhere. And then after the fight is over, the first thing he does is unmask and go out to get a drink with an also unmasked Mysterio in a crowded bar (hilariously, it literally turns out to be full of enemies who mean him harm). Jesus, movie, does he care about his secret identity or not? 

13. Also, again, no quips from Spider-Man. And I thought the watchword for this corner of the MCU was that he was a friendly neighborhood Spider-Man. Now he’s fighting giant monsters? Yeah, even if it’s a con job, it’s a con job that could potentially kill millions of people. Doesn’t that seem like absurdly high stakes, considering? Remember the first Spider-Man movie, when the only stakes at the climax were Peter saving a bus full of kids and MJ? Would that really have been better if there’d been another five million buses the Green Goblin was threatening to drop?

14. We’re doing the whole “does Peter want to be Spider-Man or not?” story again. It’s weird how markedly inferior this take on that is to Spider-Man 2. This Spider-Man has a whole spy network and AI satellites backing him up (which doesn’t stop him from remarking that Mysterio is “the only one he can talk to about superhero stuff,” as if fifty people don’t know who he is). Maguire’s Spider-Man’s life was genuinely shitty because of his superheroing; he couldn’t be with the woman he loved! This Spider-Man... can’t mack on the girl that he inexplicably has a crush on out of nowhere. Not exactly the stuff of great drama.

15. Pause to point out what a naked plot device Tony giving Peter EDITH is. He couldn’t give it to Pepper? Rhodey? Steve? Like... anyone who’s more emotionally mature and experienced? It’s just a ridiculous conceit. Supervillains literally target Peter specifically because he possesses EDITH. Way to put the crosshairs on a sixteen-year-old boy, Tony ‘Depraved Indifference’ Stark.

16. “To my very wealthy crew!” Okay, so I guess Beck isn’t just doing this for the satisfaction of being a fake superhero, he sees this as enriching him and his henchmen somehow? How? It’s not like Captain America or Scarlet Witch are fabulously wealthy. I could see Stark as paying for their room and board and giving them an expense account, but that doesn’t seem worth going to the trouble of this whole Mysterio business for. Like I said, once you have the power to pull off fake/not-fake terror attacks, that’s a golden ticket already. Why couldn’t he do shit like Le Chiffre was doing in Casino Royale, playing the stock market with his fake catastrophes? 

16a. And okay, so you say the whole Mysterio thing was just to con EDITH off of Peter. If they’re already able to pull off these terror attacks, how much more can EDITH do for them? It’s like, you already have essentially unlimited resources as far as the story’s concerned--why do you need EVEN MORE unlimited resources?

16b. And is Mysterio going to be a real superhero or fake? Like, is he potentially going to fight Thanos or someone? Because if he is, the whole Elemental thing seems like an unnecessary risk. Just find some HYDRA guys, go to town on them, bang, you’re a superhero. And if you’re going to be a fake Avenger--well, what do you do when Thanos shows up? Call in sick?

17. So in his new, definitely Miles Morales suit, Peter has the ability to send out a destructive electric charge. A venom blast. He has a venom blast. Man, they’re not even trying to hide that this is white Miles Morales, are they? 

18. To damn with faint praise, I thought the drone swarm was a good ‘real-world’ explanation of Mysterio’s power set and the ‘nightmare’ sequence was a good use of them, although it’s just the usual hallucinatory imagery you’d expect from someone with an illusion gimmick, not something as groundbreaking as the Raimi movies offered. Coincidentally, this is also the one action sequence in the movie where Peter’s in his classic costume, and that’s only an illusion Mysterio puts over his dumb Night Monkey suit. 

I also think Peter being able to survive being hit by a train more or less uninjured--he just needs a few stitches!--is a bit much, but then, that happened in Spider-Man 2.5 as well. And there they made a big deal of Peter and Ock trying to avoid getting hit by trains, so arguably that was more egregious. 

And it’s weird to have such a self-aware, genre-savvy villain just assume Peter is dead. It seems like he could’ve at least sent someone to the next station to confirm his death, or even had someone waiting there, if his plan all along was to hit Peter with a train. (Also, I’m pretty sure train conductors stop the train when they hit someone, but maybe that’s only an American thing.)

19. By the end, Mysterio decides to drop the whole illusion thing to frame Spider-Man for the drones (Peter’s friends are also put in danger yet again. Three times in one movie! That’s basically every action sequence that really happens!). I’d think disorienting people with invisible drones would be an advantage you wouldn’t want to just get rid of, but he’s the supervillain, not me. Noticeably, this plan hinges on him dying and posthumously ruining Spider-Man’s life, so...

20. Also, I complained about this with Captain Marvel, but if you’re doing a two-hour movie with a supposed character arc for Peter, shouldn’t that have something to do with him winning? He pretty much only wins because the power of spider-sense which he arbitrarily received arbitrarily works for him after arbitrarily not working for a while... and if this is some kind of confidence-powered superpowers, I should note that Spider-Man 2 already did Peter losing his powers because of losing confidence and it depicted him getting them back much more effectively. This Peter I guess only needs a pep talk from Happy Hogan.

21. I mean, couldn’t they bullshit something about hacking EDITH--you know, Peter using his wits since that’s what supposedly makes him ‘the next Iron Man’--maybe turning the tables on Mysterio with a con job of his own, instead of just winning because he happens to have an illusion-proof superpower on top of a billion-dollar supersuit and a literal global defense network? Spider-Man has a global defense network, y’all. How can you lambaste Man of Steel for making Superman dark and broody and then think Iron Man Peter Parker is a good take on the character? Geez.

[hellzyeahwebwieldingreviews]

Untold Tales of Spider-Man 12: Livewires – by Steve Lyons

Pretty good.

We’re back in the days when Peter Parker was a Empire State University graduate student “shortly after Peter Parker, the Spectacular Spider-Man #45, August 1980” as the Continuity Guide helpfully tells us. Marcy Kane, back in the days before she was revealed as an alien, is conducting a research project for which she has gotten special permission to bring Max Dillon, Electro, from Ryker’s Island prison. Peter is there taking pictures, having been given the assignment by Barney Bushkin since this is during the time that Pete works for the Daily Globe. 

Electro is on a pallet “anesthetized, swathed from head to foot in nonconductive bandages, and accompanied by four armed guards.” (Not “four-armed guards.”) When fellow grad student Philip Chang shows up, Marcy recruits him as her replacement assistant for Steve Hopkins who is running late. She tells Phil that she is intending to discover “what makes Electro’s body such an efficient storage battery,” adding, “My instruments will give us all the data we need as soon as he tries to use his powers.” She claims that “any energy he builds up will be sapped and fed back into the generators,” but we know how such safeguards usually work out in these stories.Steve Lyons then shifts the perspective over to Electro. He observes his surroundings, feels “cool air against his skin” as the nonconductive bandages are removed, tests his powers only to feel the machine counteract him, and decides to be patient. “Admittedly,” he knows, “that wasn’t his greatest virtue.” When Marcy prompts him to use his powers, he refuses, thinking all the while about how “he would fry her, crisp her skin, blacken her bones” when given the chance. He glories in Marcy’s anger when he refuses to cooperate.Soon after, Steve shows up and Marcy, still seething, refuses to let him replace Phil. 

Steve cleverly disrespects Electro, goading Max into using his powers which Marcy’s machine successfully dampens. Marcy gets the electric surge she wants but still won’t let Steve back into her good graces.Later, Steve Lyons switches us to Peter’s perspective as Spidey keeps an eye on the lab from outside. It is a wet night and things seem to be going as planned so Spidey decides to get back into his Parker duds and go work in his cubicle. Entering, he runs into one of Steve Hopkins’ practical jokes, a plastic skeleton dangling in the doorway, then finds Steve himself lying beneath Phil’s desk, setting up a prank as revenge for Phil getting the experiment’s assistant position. “I’ve crosswired everything in his cubicle,” Steve tells Pete, “When he turns on his desk lamp, he’ll activate the radio. When he tries to use the fan, he’ll operate the heating instead.” Pete realizes the implications of this but is not fast enough to stop Steve from pulling his switch. 

With Marcy drawing electricity from outside the lab, this prank puts too much stress on the system and the power goes out. Sensing his moment, Electro melts his way free before the back-up generator kicks in.In the darkness, Peter changes into Spidey and heads for the lab. Arriving, he finds Electro gone and six bodies laid out on the floor. He checks Marcy and Philip, finding them still alive. (He doesn’t bother to check the four guards but later says something about an ambulance for them so they appear to be alive too.) He tells Marcy that Dillon is probably not fully charged up yet or he would have killed them. Then he goes after Electro.Meanwhile, Electro, who has taken a gun off of one of the guards, dodges into a dark campus building, hoping to evade pursuit. There, he runs into Steve Hopkins. Still, too weak to use his powers, Max raises the gun, intending to get revenge for Steve’s earlier taunting. Before he can fire, the police outside order him to come out with his hands up.

Spying the police cordon, Spidey joins them and gets permission to tackle Electro alone. He confronts the villain who uses Steve as a hostage. It isn’t long, though, before Steve is shoved aside and the super-powered foes go at it. Electro gets the upper hand but Steve realizes that Dillon is, other than his electric abilities, a normal-powered man. He sneaks up behind Electro and clubs him over the head with his plastic skeleton, knocking him unconscious.In the aftermath, Steve tells a crowd of reporters, “Electro’s not as tough as people think. Last time out, he was defeated by a fire hose. I just thought, well, nobody could top that. So that’s what I used against him: ‘no body’!” Marcy tells Peter, “[Steve’s] clowning around could have gotten him killed. I did hope he might have learned a lesson from it.” “He did,” Pete tells her, “but you know Steve. I think he just unlearned it.” He smiles at the thought and thinks he sees Marcy smile too. But he’s not sure. “Perhaps he had imagined it.”

Truth be told I do not have all that much to say about this story. It is set at some point after Spec #47 as Peter and Deb Whitman have been dating and represents arguably the most unique period of time in Spidey’s life. This was when he was a grad student and working for the Daily Globe, surrounded by a whole new supporting cast of students, faculty and Globe reporters.

The most infamous of these supporting characters were the love interests Marcy Kane and Deb Whitman. Marcy is a fairly unknown but to those aware of her is forever remembered for he reveal as an alien. Deb Whitman by contrast is essentially the most famous Spidey love interest after MJ, Gwen, Black Cat, Betty Brant and Liz Allan. Whilst MJ is Spidey’s great love, Gwen his first, Black Cat his sole costumed lover, Betty Brant his first GF, Liz as Betty’s rival Deb Whitman is…kind of just the other girlfriend Peter had. Her enduring legacy is likely owed to being the least glamorous of all of Spidey’s lovers and also her adaptations into other media, minor though those were.

You might’ve noticed I’ve not spoken much about the story here and that’s because there just isn’t all that much to say in the first place.

There is nothing wrong with this story. You don’t get lost in the narration, the action and sequence of events is all very clear cut, the characterization holds up to scrutiny and the plot hits typical Spidey beats. To be honest were this a comic book it would’ve been a decent yet forgettable filler issue of Spec during this time period. There is just nothing to really write home about beyond a nice gag about Marcy’s alien origins.

That’s all I can say really. It’s a serviceable but ultimately skippable story. I’d still take it over many other entries in this book though.

[laylainalaska]

Torchwood 1x01-1x08

Since I’ve been posting Torchwood rewatch episode reactions over on DW, I may as well post them here too!

Cut with a readmore because long and also spoilery. No specific S2 spoilers except set off in its own section.

----

1x01: Everything Changes, aka Torchwood is the worst-kept secret in the greater Cardiff metropolitan area. The episode with the infamous date rape via alien aphrodisiac. I have made the deliberate choice to compartmentalize this/pretend it never happened due to TV writers being notoriously terrible with recognizing the real-world implications of fantasy aphrodisiacs and sex magic (there was just a scene like this in The Witcher in 20-fucking-20), and treat it as what it is clearly supposed to be in context -- unethical but basically harmless misuse of an alien artifact -- instead of what it really is. But I recognize that this is a personal choice and I also hate this writing decision and wish they'd picked literally any other way of making this particular point, for the record. Anyway ... the rest of this episode other than the fucking date rape was a lot of fun, though. Torchwood is the worst secret quasi-governmental agency at being secret. THE ACTUAL WORST. I love the team trying to keep straight faces and then giggling when Gwen enters their secret base, and the entire base set is just so fantastically bonkers; I really really love it a lot. There's literally a fountain in the middle of it and, like, random water everywhere?! And a pterodactyl. And the invisible lift, with Gwen's wry comment about how there's nothing to stop random pedestrians from falling down it. It's possibly the most utterly bonkers secret spy base outside of kids' cartoons and I love it. 1x02: Day One, aka Murder By Orgasm. In which the show classes things up with an alien who kills people (men only!) via orgasm. Choices were definitely made in this episode. Many choices. For sure. Owen continues to be a total sleaze because the writers think it's funny. Also, his survival when the sex alien targets him makes absolutely no sense at all. He's literally the only person she left alive, and she's in the throes of sex-energy withdrawal at the time. In short, this was an episode that happened. There were a few cute team bits but really not enough to redeem it. 1x03: Ghost Machine, aka Burn Gorman Is Very Pretty. Not that I am biased. He is so pretty in this episode. SO PRETTY. Also, for a refreshing change, Owen manages not to be creepy and sexist at all in this episode. He's just prickly and kind of sweet. I like this Owen. I want to keep him. This episode overall was really a lot of fun, aside from (or perhaps also including) the most unintentionally hilarious death of a redshirt ever, in which he goes to hug Gwen and she accidentally stabs him with the knife she's holding. But overall it's so great! The Owen arc was my favorite - I love how affected he is by the memory device (the scene where he's clearly having a panic attack and trying to keep control!) and how determined he is to get justice for the murdered girl, only to be essentially brought down by his basic decent nature and inability to kill an old man in cold blood. Owen trying to save the guy's life when he was holding a knife on him thirty seconds earlier breaks me a little bit. Lots of fun team scenes in this one, too. The Splott conversation! ("Estate agents call it Sploe.") 1x04: Cyberwoman, aka CYBERBIKINI! Here again, Choices Were Made, most of them by the costuming department with a side of deeply uncomfortable racial implications on the part of whoever cast the episode. To be fair, maybe they just couldn't afford enough tinfoil to cover CyberLisa entirely, since the budget for this episode was clearly three shoestrings and a potato. I don't know if my favorite part of the low-budget f/x is the way they're clearly splicing in Doctor Who clips for the cyberization process, or the fall of Torchwood One, a giant battle involving hundreds of participants that is represented by Ianto screaming while surrounded by plastic sheeting. Honestly, I really love this episode. It is not good by any stretch of the imagination, but there is something incredibly charming about its sheer commitment to utter batshittery and OTT sobbing over emotional team betrayals, and parts of it were incredibly tense. It has the general feel of a horror film shot by college theater majors. Also someone getting doused in barbecue sauce and fed to a pterodactyl is literally a plot point, and the team basketball game at the beginning is one of my favorite little team moments; it's so cute. Cyberbikini aside and with expectations properly lowered, this was terrific fun. 1x05: Small Worlds, aka Death By Hanahaki Disease. On the whole this episode was not terrible nor was it memorably unpleasant; it was just kind of there. In going back to write about the episodes, I really had trouble remembering what even happened in this one. The concept is really interesting, but the fairies stopped being nearly so creepy once you actually see them in all their low-budget-CGI glory; I think the episode would actually have been better if they'd stayed invisible. The flower petal deaths were really gross. I hadn't realized that, while Gwen (unlike the rest of his team) knows that Jack can die and come back, she didn't actually know before this episode that he's much older than he looks. 1x06: Countrycide, aka Don't Split The Party. WELSH MURDER VILLAGE. I loved this episode. This is the ridonkulous teamy sci-fi horror shenanigans that I'm here for. I mean, I was there with bells on for TEAM CAMPING TRIP and then it just got better and better. Ianto gets to go out in the field for the first time and nearly gets eaten by cannibals! Poor Ianto. His life is the worst. I sort of vaguely knew because of season two that there was Owen/Gwen in the first season, but what really caught me off guard is how much I enjoyed it. I was expecting meaningless sex with a side of skeeve, and I do really hate that she's cheating on her boyfriend and how pushy about it Owen is at first, not to mention outing their kiss to the whole team. But the crazy thing about it is, by the midpoint of the episode they're actually, genuinely very sweet, and by the end of the episode you can see what they're both getting out of the relationship and get the feeling that it's a positive human connection for both of them. Also, the near-kiss and teamwork in the woods was incredibly hot. I really loved (and was also surprised by) how loyal and protective Owen is toward his teammates. We saw it a little bit in the previous episode with his "Don't you touch her!" re: Gwen, but it's abundantly on display here, from Owen repeatedly insisting that they need to go after Tosh and Ianto, to his fury at the guy threatening Tosh, to his captor having to restrain him when they pull the hood off Ianto's head near the end. Love Jack's big-damn-hero entrance to the Murder House, and everyone running around screaming and getting separated and hurt, which is always a good time. Basically I just loved this episode. It needed more hurt/comforty aftermath, though. I might have to write some. 1x07: Greeks Bearing Gifts, aka Tosh Has An Alien Girlfriend. I really loved this episode, on the whole, but it is Made Of Ouch. As well as Tosh's isolation and hurt, there's also that bit where she hears Ianto's thoughts and it's just endless painpainpainpain. I like to think that after this episode, she started getting together with him for drinks occasionally and talking about things. They both need friends so badly. (I do not love Jack's random transphobic comment near the end. From JACK of all people. WHY.) And seeing Tosh's delight and squee when she gets to just geek out about things is so lovely. Tosh is absolutely a person who leaves her teammates notes with little hearts on them. I love her. ♥ (Also, as much as I love Owen personally, I really wish that so much of Tosh's storyline didn't revolve around her hopeless crush on Owen. Toshiko deserved better, in all ways, than what this show gave her.) It's too bad that Gwen and Owen's affair is, on the whole, a rather destructive thing, because they're really happy! They're like the only happy people in Torchwood at this point. It's not a grand love story or anything, but I felt like the sheer joy of that initial rush of infatuation was well conveyed and sweet. Owen's relationship with Tosh in season one is completely baffling to me. He's not only staggeringly oblivious to Tosh being into him, but she's literally the only woman at Torchwood that he doesn't hit on. And yet, it's not that he doesn't like her! He clearly does like her in a friend kind of way and enjoys hanging out with her. The card that Mary was looking at in Tosh's apartment looked handmade to me, so he literally made her a handmade birthday card! And yet, he is blindingly oblivious to her interest and rejects her every time she makes overtures. ... I mean, the meta-reason is probably just that the writers thought it would be funny if the character who always sleeps around doesn't notice the one person who really wants him. But I can't help wondering if the basic issue is that Owen has somehow, without really intending to, classified his relationship with her as basically a sibling-type one. We know from the flashbacks in season two that they both joined Torchwood at about the same time and were both in a very emotionally fragile place when they did, and Jack also has a very quasi-parental sort of vibe with both of them. It makes me wonder if Owen either tried to initiate something early on and was rebuffed because Tosh wasn't really coping well either, or if he met her at a point in his life when he was really not interested in having relationships with anyone and simply classified her mentally in a sort of little-sister category. This actually does fit very well with the sometimes bullying, sometimes playful and sweet, generally sexless way that he relates to her this season, and the way that he clearly does care about her and in fact is very protective at times; he just doesn't view her as a target of romantic interest. Anyway, Tosh was very beautiful this episode, and her alien girlfriend was also quite hot, and I really enjoyed it. 1x08: They Keep Killing Suzie, aka I don't think anything I could come up with is better than the actual title. The scene in which they've accidentally locked themselves in their secret underground base and have to call the cops to let them out is possibly my favorite scene in this entire show. That was GOLD. I also wish the cop lady from this episode had come back. She was great, and her rapport with Jack was really neat. Part of what I want to say about this episode contains massive season two spoilers, so that's set off in a spoiler section at the end. This was a highly entertaining episode with a plot that was total nonsense that falls apart within 0.2 seconds of actually thinking about it. Good emotional stuff, yes! Plot? BONKERS. I mean, Suzie's plan was something like this: 1. Drive someone insane by feeding them Retcon for two years. 2. Kill yourself. 3. ???? 4. Profit! I am just going to headcanon that the team are actually wrong about Suzie planning all of this, and it's mostly an accidental set of circumstances that she took advantage of. I did love the twist of Suzie wanting a deathbed reunion with her dad not because of love, but because she wanted to watch him die because he's terrible. (However, this does completely undermine what was previously given as part of her motivation for getting addicted to the glove, which was trying to save her dad. See above re: plot nonsense.) But the team stuff was fun! Love everyone scrambling to save Gwen, and Owen holding her at the end -- I'm still seeing them through a lens of mostly-platonic more than romantic. The general vibe with the team pulling together vs. Suzie having basically no one in Torchwood to talk to is really interesting; it's hard to say how much of that is the team having gotten closer over the course of the season, and how much of it is just Suzie not really ever bonding with her co-workers the way they bonded with each other. I mean, I do get more of a co-workery vibe off them early on, as opposed to the chosen-family feeling later on, but the closeness is there under the surface; I'm just not really sure if they've realized it yet. But with Suzie, it's hard to say if the closeness ever really was there. They're all damaged in their various ways, but I feel like Suzie might be damaged in a way that simply precluded her ever really being able to let people in, as the others are learning to. Ianto's visible depression at this point in the show is mostly down to Gareth David-Lloyd's acting, but it's so well done -- his flat affect and thousand-yard stare, especially contrasted against his dry, sarcastic humor when he's not miserable (mostly in season two). The other Ianto-related thing I noticed is that the warmer, more bantery rapport between Ianto and Owen in season two is actually present in this episode to some extent, for perhaps the first time ever. In particular, Owen makes him smile at one point by teasing him (the only time Ianto smiles in the last few episodes, I think, up until he's with Jack at the very end), and offers him the first shot at naming the knife in spite of Ianto's artifact names being genuinely terrible - like, trying to include him a little bit, in a way I haven't seen Owen doing with him before. There's a general feeling throughout this episode that Owen has warmed up to him a bit and is actually reaching out a little. And Ianto and Jack are sleeping together now! I don't know when that happened and I wish we'd seen more of the beginnings of it. It's nice to see Ianto smile, though. Season two 1x08-related spoilers: 

Watching this episode after having seen Owen's resurrection glove arc in season two was FASCINATING, especially for the compare/contrast of the way the team reacted to resurrected!Suzie vs. resurrected!Owen; I mean, the fact that she died in the process of betraying them after becoming a serial killer is obviously a large factor here, and they were somewhat wary of Owen too, but there's just so much more ambivalence in how they deal with Suzie, vs. the way that Owen's death and resurrection actually brought the team closer together, and brought Owen closer to all of them.

But the most interesting contrast to me is how Owen and Suzie, as characters, both reacted to the whole idea of having to survive by killing people, with Jack trying (unsuccessfully) to argue Suzie out of allowing Gwen to die, whereas Owen's immediate reaction to finding out that his survival might be killing people (just random people too, not teammates) was to try to sacrifice himself, not just once but multiple times, starting with a fundamentally horrible euthanasia-type death and continuing on to destroy the resurrection glove himself even though it was likely to re-kill him. Why yes, I can turn any episode discussion into an Owen discussion, even an episode he wasn't especially prominent in.

[actuallylorelaigilmore]

the ultimate citation list for Schneider of ODAAT, volume 1

A reference collection of quotes and details, organized chronologically, for the first 26 episodes of One Day At A Time. Used to create this character guide.

“Can you believe it's only been 10 months since you moved in? I remember 'cause I got my five year sober chip and your mom baked me that cake. I enjoyed watching you guys eat it." 1x01

"You're 40 and you look stupid." “I'll have you know, I was invited to several Pride parades." 1x01

Uses a “very expensive” Damascus steel hammer. 1x01

"I've been doing some outreach down at the rec center, talking to at-risk youth. You guys wanna start takin' bets? Actually, scratch that. I'm addicted to gambling.” 1x01

"Love isn't even real. It's just something your nanny says sometimes to your dad." 1x02

"Hey, I may have money in the bank and two living parents, and four living stepmothers but there is a hole in here. We never had family meals. I ate alone in front of the TV. Oh, don't get me wrong. It was a massive TV. Sometimes my nanny would join me, but only if I agreed to watch telenovelas. This one time, Rosa got jealous of the housekeeper 'cause she was makin' a move on her man, so she threatened to throw live scorpions on her while she slept. Rosa was my nanny. Ex-nanny. Now, stepmother." 1x03

[Lydia and Pen fighting] “It's startin' to feel kinda like home in here.” 1x03

Schneider cooks fancy hipster food. "Nutted quinoa, wilted broccolini with radish micro-greens, and venison carpaccio on a bed of nettles. Grab a cedar plank and dig in." 1x04

"Always interesting to be the sober one at a dinner party." 1x05

"I immigrated here illegally. I'm a Canadian. But yeah, born in the 'Couve, overstayed my student visa, forced to live in the shadows of Pepperdine University. Anyway, it's fine now. My lawyers made it all okay." 1x05

Uses sheet masks, knows about chauffeurs, butlers, estates. 1x06

“The kids barely touched my black olive tapenade.” “Thanks for helping out, but maybe next time pick a food a kid would wanna eat or has heard of.” “Yeah, and maybe next time, don't hand out masks with my face on them.” 1x07  

"The members of my college band have finally put aside our differences and we're reuniting to play at the fair this afternoon. My band, Full Sail, plays yacht rock. These guys were like family. I used to show up at their dorm rooms unannounced and just hang out for hours and hours and hours." 1x07

"We were setting up for the show and our keytarist threw a decorative anchor at me. This is why Full Sail broke up in the first place. Too many passionate personalities." 1x07

Has a magnifying glass in his costume trunk. 1x07

"I know nothing about my grandparents and I never will. And they live in Pasadena!" (but he goes to 'the depot' in Pasadena) 1x09

"I have never seen such un-professionalism. This is why I don't work!" 1x09

"I need to find a new place to get my eyebrows threaded." 1x10

Has a safe. 1x10

"Well, Father believed it's best to have this kinda discussion in a car because you don't have to make eye contact. Plus, you're traveling in the same direction, which fosters intimacy. So we're in the Bentley with our chauffeur, Paco. Father said it's time to have the talk. We came to the next stoplight. He hopped out, Paco told me everything." 1x10

"I didn't get the period talk till I was 12. Paco just called it 'Shark Week.'" 1x10

"When I was a kid, there was an adult section in the back of the video store. Behind the beads. I'd always chicken out and just rent a Jane Fonda workout tape. Still worked. Still works." 1x10

"You'd be surprised how many of my hookups started with 'Ugh!' ...When I was 15, I told Father I wanted to be a professional tap dancer. He laughed. It was that lack of support that contributed to my drinking and drug problem. Oh, do you find that amusing? Because 15-year-old Schneider's drinking peach schnapps out of an unused tap shoe right now." 1x11

"You have a girl over here and you were offering to have sex with me?" - "Yes, Penelope. That's the kind of friend I am." 1x11

"My dad never came to my games. All he ever did was put me through rehab six times and buy me this building." 2x01

"Maroon 5 is the best." 2x01

"Okay, I decided to take a break from dating. See, I realized that women were just another one of my addictions, like alcohol, drugs, gambling, cigarettes, snow globes. The point is, I've broken the cycle of addiction with spinning. Five hours a day, every single day. I have to do it! Plus, it's the perfect substitute for dating, 'cause it burns a lot of energy and also numbs my junk!" 2x02

“Snow globes? Is this one of our family?” 2x02

"I come over, tell him to do stuff to me, he does it, I go home. You should get one." "I think what Nikki was kinda dancing around is that you don't always have to have a relationship with a capital "R." Sometimes all you need is what the great poets of the Renaissance called a junk buddy." "Exactly. You don't even have to like them." 2x03

"See, the great thing about having a green card is you get to live here without having to do all the stuff Americans have to, like vote or serve jury duty or become obese."

"Okay, but at least you vote in Canadian elections." "Mmm. No. Even in Canada, nothing ever changes. Clean air, sensible gun control, free health care. The system's rigged." 2x04

Can picture himself “doing it” with Elizabeth Warren, was Stephen Hawking for Halloween. 2x04

"You have to pay taxes with a green card? I just texted my accountant, and he said 'cause I'm in the highest income bracket, I don't have to pay taxes." 2x04

Keeps on hand: panic room, gas mask, water purification pills, MREs, enough cash to get to Cape Verde by boat. Followed Max on Instagram. Would be honored to be Penelope's maid of honor. 2x05

"I'm very patriotic. Look in that basket. There's a bald eagle thong." 2x06

All Elena's video game equipment belongs to him. 2x06

"Penelope, tell my third stepmother I loved her! Not the second one, though. She was kind of a jerk." 2x06

"Hummer limo's downstairs. My third stepmother used to take me to the racetrack to spy on Father. For the longest time, I thought she was saying, 'Your father is with Rebecca, that horse!' It's like I'm back at the racetrack with my stepmom. What's next? Throw a mint julep in his face?” 2x07

"I love Cuba! I've been there four times. Property manager, job's just temporary. My father owns the building. I'm really a musician. Play a lot of rap-rock-ska. I'm like a male Gwen Stefani. When you're hiring a nanny, make sure she's not too hot. That's how I met my fifth mom. I had four nannies and look at the results." 2x08

Did not speak a word of Spanish when he first met them, is interested in single moms. 2x08

"If you joined an adult kickball team after saying you were too busy to join mine, you are on a long road to forgiveness." 2x09

"Your idea of stress is when your chest-waxer goes out of town." "Roberto is the only one who doesn't make it sting!" 2x09

"I shouldn't have to need these either, but I do. To see. So it's Fourth of July, 2011. I'd been sober for a while, so I thought I'd celebrate with a beer. Woke up three days later in an alley. Then the bowling ball hit me. I was in the gutter for a long time. It's really slippery without the shoes. That was the day I truly accepted that I can't have alcohol or drugs, ever. Not a beer, not a glass of wine, not even six hits of acid at a Grateful Dead show, no matter how well it makes me dance. I kinda get where you're coming from. There's something I want that I can't have for the rest of my life." 2x09

He and Pen are best friends. Also considers Max his bestie. Wants to Netflix and chill with them both, together. 2x09

"My abuelita used to put Vicodin in her coffee. And her lemonade and her sandwiches. Maybe she had a problem. As my father said to me on my ninth birthday, 'You don't need me anymore.' I use my garage for pickling and sea horse breeding." 2x10

Loves puns. "This is Elena Alvarez, my handyman mentee. Or handy-manatee." "The toilet is a cruel mistress. She is flush with complications." 2x10

"Herb and Sherb McGurb. Her real name is Sheryl, but she gets a kick out of Sherb." 2x10

"Bonsai's for dorks. This is penjing. The gentle Chinese art of tray scenery. Now that you're working for me, I finally have some leisure time." "Oh, look, there's little people. Wait, is that my family?" "Could be any Cuban family." 2x10

"I may only look two or three years older than you, but I have the wisdom of that ancient bonsai!" 2x10

"Always take the lemonade. That's Handyman 101! So you watched Jeopardy with them and then what? Well, now we know what your problem is! You fixed their toilet, but you didn't fix their souls. Elena, growing up, I had everything. But I was always alone. I don't want my tenants to feel that way, so I do more than just fix stuff. Apartment 306, macrame with Mrs. Watson. 201, lose at chess to Mr. Roth. 402, listen to all their Cuban nonsense. That's the job. That's what takes four hours. That's the difference between being a handyman and a super." 2x10

Has heard 'you're fired' a lot. 2x10

"After a grueling 30 minutes of thought, Nikki, will you be my starter wife? You're on the rebound. That's the best time to get married. You don't have time to think. So you were never thinking about me? My emotions? My feelings? You used me, Nikki, Finn's mom! And not in the way I like! And that's not all, Sister Barbara. We knew each other. Biblically. And while we were doing it, she took the Lord's name in vain. A lot!" 2x11

"Last night, I was testing the pH of the water in my seahorse ranch and, as I looked at those vomiting little guys, I realized I suck at tests. All tests. Drug, sobriety, vision, IQ, smog. You name it, I fail it!" 2x12

"Have you ever been arrested?” “Does public nudity at a hockey game count?” “There is, uh, no mention of a public nudity charge in your file.” “Oh, you just go to YouTube and type in 'Zam-boner.'" 2x12

"Yeah, they didn't specifically ask if I got drunk and tried to ride a moose, so after that I was golden." 2x12

"How important is having kids to you?" "Never really thought about it." 2x12

"I'll have you know I babysat my babysitter's kids while she was babysitting my dad, so, yeah, I got a little experience under my belt. Oh, it's my cousin Gordy. He still thinks I'm full-on Canadian. All right, good news is Gordo bought it. Bad news is I'm judging a poutine festival in Saskatoon next week." 2x12

"You're the single greatest mother I know." "Thank you. That means a lot coming from a guy with five moms." 2x12

"Fuzzy Afghan she likes, picture of the Pope, picture of a different Pope, picture of your dad, picture of the family, picture of me with the family, picture of me by a waterfall. I'm just gonna keep talking 'cause I'm not good in crisis situations." 2x13

"It's so crazy how we're both immigrants. I mean, I would never compare my story to yours, but the parallels are spooky. You were 18, I was 18. You left your family behind. I left four step-families, a maid, a butler, a chauffeur, and a horse groomer who really got me. But Father was expanding his business to the US and so I had to go. I remember, at the airport, I was crying. But Father put his arm around me and he said, 'Son, only losers cry.' So that was a long flight. You don't know how dirty a dirty look can get until you're crying for a whole plane ride and you're not a baby. I really didn't wanna be in America. So I drank. And I recreated the snowy plains of Canada with cocaine. I'm told I attended classes at Pepperdine University, but I will have to take that on faith. So, I'm in a detox center in El Segundo. This was my fourth rehab. My re-re-re-rehab. I thought I'd been doing a kickass job keeping my drug stuff a secret from all the tenants and then you showed up in my room at that clinic. You brought me sopa de pollo and said it's Cuban penicillin. You told me, 'You eat this, you get some sleep, and tomorrow, you try again.' And then you tucked me in and kissed me good night on my forehead. Forehead kisses are wildly underrated. Just something really comforting about 'em. Then again, it might just be you. Dad never did that. Or my horse groomer. After I got out of rehab, I started hanging around your apartment a lot more, 'cause it helped. Back then, it must have felt like you had this annoying, intrusive guy over. Not like now. 'Cause now you're my family. Don't worry. I haven't legally changed my last name to Alvarez. My lawyer said it was a whole thing, so... Anyway, Pen said no crying, so I'm not gonna. Actually, for once, I agree with Father. Only losers cry. And we're not losing anybody today. Let's hit that oath ceremony soon, okay?" 2x13

[hellzyeahthewebwieldingavenger]

“Unlike Peter, Miles was bitten at age thirteen, making him younger and more unprepared to cope with his powers and the responsibilities of being a superhero.”

 Is there really that big of a difference between being 13 and being 15 when it comes to risking your life by swinging from sky scrapers and  dodging bullets.

 15. TURN INVISIBLE/CAMOUFLAGE

 “One of the more notable uses of this tactic was when he disappeared from Earth 616 Peter and then reappeared on the side of the wall and kicks Peter in the face. ”

 You mean when Bendis jobbed Peter by deliberately ignoring the Spider Sense, one of his most iconic abilities?

 14. VENOM BLAST

 “This ability comes in handy in battle, especially when fighting high-powered villains such as the Scorpion, who was knocked out using the electric sting, and Green Goblin, who was badly injured by it.”

 In other words this ability enables Miles to cheaply and easily gain the upper hand in fights since it’s an electrical discharge which can even electrocute a guy who’s entire powerset is electricity based.

 “At one point, as Earth 616 Peter Parker and Miles are fighting, he even used the venom blast on Peter and briefly knocked him out.”

 Again through the power of bad writing by ignoring the spider sense.

 “Miles also was able to separate Venom from his host with a venom blast, which has notoriously been difficult for Peter to do.”

 Not really, Peter can do it so long as he has access to fire or sonics.

 13. ENERGY BURST

 “Closely related to his Venom Blast, Miles discovers almost accidentally that he is also able to release large bursts of energy that incapacitate those around him. When Miles is under extreme amounts of stress and or close to losing a battle, he can release this energy. This ability makes him a powerful opponent, and also gives him the upper hand as most villains are caught off-guard by it.”

 So again over powering Miles and making him a Spider-Man equivalent of a Super Saiyan. Lovely.

 “However, his energy burst does have two major downfalls; one being that it is incredibly unpredictable and he does not know how to utilize it in regular battle, and the second being that it drains him of most of his energy, making him useless for the remainder of a fight.”

 Well that’s something.

 12. COMMUNICATE WITH HIS BEST FRIEND

 “Ganke provides comedic relief, advice and builds Miles’ confidence up while also chastising him when needed.”

 In other words the exact same role Ultimate MJ filled except with less romantic tension. Also the same role 616 MJ used to fulfil. Not saying Ganke is bad but this is hardly something Miles has over Peter.

 “Miles allows himself to be emotionally vulnerable with Ganke, which is not the same vulnerability he has with his parents. Miles is unafraid to cry and hug Ganke while leaving himself vulnerable as he tells Ganke about his deepest fears of a “bad person” because of his family history.”

 See above.

 “Communicating his struggles to a close friend who knows him as both a boy and a superhero differs from Peter, who never had that immediate support while in high school.”

 In the 616 universe this is accurate, but putting aside how he did have it later in life, again Ultimate Peter Parker did have this in high school.

 11. BE PLAYED BY DONALD GLOVER 

 Outside of voice acting Glover is too old to play Miles.

 However in voice acting or in live action he could play an age appropriate Peter Parker.

  10. BE A TEAM PLAYER / MORE SOCIABLE

 “Though Peter joined teams, such as the Avengers, he was never a true part of them and had difficulty at times accepting help from other members. Peter also had self-doubts, which affected his relationships with members of these teams.”

 Yeah...not if you read New Avengers also written by Bendis or Spidey’s involvement in the FF. Then none of that shit applies.

  “This is unlike Peter, who before being killed in Ultimate Spider-Man, was told by Captain America that he was not ready to be an Avenger– in Ultimate Fallout, Cap admits that they failed to train him properly because they did not view him as a team member.”

 Doesn’t that mean Cap and the other guys were the people with the problem not Peter?

 9. WALL-CRAWL

 “Miles’ ability to adhere to various substances is slightly more impressive as he is able to use it to lift and throw literal tons of items as weapons, even though he is still a kid. ”

 That is literally no different to what Peter could do.

 “Miles’ wall-crawling, unlike Peter’s, is mostly centered on his hands and feet, and Miles also discovers that he can use this ability through regular clothing, such as his shoes.”

 See above.

 “Miles can also deactivate and activate the adhesion ability at will.”

 Also see above.

 Y’all know Spider-Man can stick to stuff with any part of his body right and it works even if he’s asleep or unconscious.

  8. MAINTAIN A RELATIONSHIP WITH GWEN STACY

 “Initially introduced as Peter’s first love, Gwen Stacy and Peter always seemed to be star-crossed lovers, as Green Goblin threw Gwen off a bridge and Peter attempted to save her, but she died from a broken neck. ”

 There was little star crossing those lovers.

 “Even with a clone of Gwen Stacy, Peter is unable to continue to maintain a relationship with Gwen because he and Mary-Jane rekindled theirs.”

 That’s not so much an inability so much as a choice. He didn’t want Gwen he wanted MJ.

 “Unlike Peter, Miles’s relationship with Gwen Stacy in Earth 1610 is a friend and confidant. ”

 Wasn’t that mostly exactly Ultimate Peter’s relationship with Ultimate Gwen and Carnage clone Gwen?

 “More recently in the Spider-Man and Spider-Gwen comics, Miles is transported to Earth-65, where she and Miles share a kiss in Spider-Man, issue 12. Like with her 1610 counterpart, Miles establishes an easy rapport with Gwen as they commiserate about being superheroes and having parents who are willing to sacrifice themselves to keep them and their secrets safe.”

 The author does realize 616, Ultimate and Earth 65 Gwen are all vastly different to one another right?

 “Miles is also able to save Gwen, which Peter was unable to do, in Spider-Gwen #16, when Doc Ock attacks and nearly succeeds in beating her.”

 Didn’t Peter save Gwen MULTIPLE times before the one time he failed?

 Like Miles saving her once = he can do what Peter couldn’t.

 7. LEARN QUICKLY

 “When Miles was introduced, it was established that he was an intellectually gifted individual with an aptitude for learning. Though Peter was also brilliant (he did create his own web after all!), Miles’ ability was beneficial to him as he could view videos of Peter’s fighting and analyze it for his own improvements, much like a sports team watching game footage. Miles translated that knowledge of Peter to improve his own abilities as a hero at the tender age of thirteen.”

 That’s not really learning quickly then is it.

 That’s saying an airplane pilot is better because he figured out how to fly faster than the Wright brothers.

 Well sure, he had all of the Wright brothers’ work to build upon, he didn’t have to learn via trial and error and figure things out from scratch.

 Really Peter getting so good at heroing so quickly with nothing to go on is actually more exemplary of his ability to learn quickly than it is in Miles’ case.

 “Because of this study, he was able to defeat Osborne.”

 Pretty sure his ability to beat Osborn (there is no ‘e’) had less to do with him studying him and a lot more to do with just shocking him over and over and over.

 Also

 “He utilized this same method of self-improvement through quick learning in Ultimate Spider-Man, #6, where he studied Norman Osborne before confronting him in battle. Because of this study, he was able to defeat Osborne. Miles translated his knowledge into an ability at thirteen that helped him be a better superhero, even if he stumbled a few times along the way. In Ultimate Spider-Man, issue #6, Miles also tells Norman Osborne that he studied up on him and knew his fighting style, which is why he’s able to defeat him.”

  Great proofreading there buddy.

 6. SPEAK SPANISH

 “Though Peter Parker was able to appeal to the residents of New York, he had some difficulty connecting to some of the residents in his own city and within his own community. Although Miles’ cultural background is not an ability, Miles can speak Spanish and English, which is important as it gives his character more depth and acknowledges culture and his community.”

 ...Peter Parker can speak Mandarin...

 “In Spider-Man, issue #2, Miles is still trying to figure out how to be Spider-Man, and his grandmother comes to visit him at his mother’s request, due to his failing grades. Though Miles does not speak Spanish in this issue, his grandmother does and it’s obvious he understands her. Being bilingual differentiates him from Peter as he is connected to not only family, but another community that would help keep him grounded.”

 I mean yes but Peter Parker doesn’t require a community (ethnic or otherwise) to keep him grounded.

 “During his time in Earth 65, Gwen Stacy makes a comment about needing a spy name and dubs herself  “Tigra La Muerteface,” to which Miles responds with an “Uh, you don’t speak Spanish, do you?” while grimacing at her garbled spy name. ”

 He doesn’t grimace in the issue because he is wearing a mask.

 5. SPIDER-SENSE

“Initially, Miles’ “Spider-Sense” seemed to be weaker than that of Peter’s. However, in Ultimate Comics Spider-Man, issue 3, Miles dreams of being attacked by Electro, who has come to kill Spider-Man. When he awakens, he is told that Spider-Man was killed. Miles knows that the dream was a warning that danger was coming, and this suggests that his Spider-Sense might actually encompass more than just immediate danger (like Peter’s) and may eventually develop into something much larger and more significant as time goes on.”

 Pretty sure Peter’s spider sense has been linked to prophetic dreams at least once or twice like during the Other.

 Also Peter’s spider sense does not merely warn him of immediate danger. He’s used it to track down loved ones and to find bad guys concealing weapons. He’s even linked them with his spider tracers.

 “This Spider-Sense also seems to affect him physically and comes across “louder,” depending on the threat level. In Nova #4, Miles’ Spider-Sense goes haywire, indicating that there is a serious threat and that he and his team need to escape from the battle or risk serious injury.”

 Peter’s does that too, see the original Morlun appearance.

 “Miles’ Spider-Sense also seems to work faster than Peter’s, as shown in Spider-Man, issue #2, when Miles’ Spider-Sense goes off before Peter’s as they are about to be attacked by a demon.”

 No Miles spider sense works period whilst Bendis once again underwrote peter in that issue to make Miles look better.

 4. REGENERATE

“Another of Miles’ abilities that differs slightly from Peter’s is his ability to heal at an accelerated rate. Though Peter and Miles are similar in this regard, Miles appears to be slightly more durable, and the limits of his regenerative abilities have not fully been explored.”

 So he has like Wolverine levels of durability and healing. Charming.

 3. (ALLEGED) IMMORTALITY

“After a lengthy battle where the Green Goblin escapes and then comes back later to continue the fight, Osborn alleges that the Oz formula that the strain of spider that bit Miles was from had one side effect, and that was immortality.”

 So again, making Miles over powered and on top of that less vulnerable and human like Spider-Man is supposed to be. Charming.

 “Given that Osborn initially created the Oz formula to cure disease, and Peter Parker died and came back, there is some merit to this madman’s ramblings which may pose a fun and interesting plot line in the future of Miles.”

 If this is so speculative how can it justifiably be placed on a list like this?

 2. TAKE SERIOUS THINGS SERIOUSLY

 “Miles Morales is no stranger to witnessing the unfair treatment of others and has been on the receiving end of unfair, biased and at times, prejudiced opinions of himself and his family. ”

 So has Peter, just not to as bad of an extent because it didn’t manifest itself as racism.

 “Peter has only had that experience as Spider-Man and tended to deflect his feelings about the issues by using humor, whereas Miles goes home and speaks to his father about it.”

 Didn’t Peter repeatedly brood, angst, beat himself up and feel bad about himself for failing the people in his life multiple times?

 And hasn’t he spoken about this to people like Aunt May, Mary Jane, Johnny Storm, etc on multiple occasions?

 It’s not like he just laughed crap off and moved on.

 “Miles himself becomes a victim of Ulysses’ visions and is almost arrested by Carol and Miles expresses his feelings of horror, fear, and disbelief by falling to his knees and crying, instead of making a witty remark like Peter would have done.”

 Peter wasn’t cracking wise when Gwen died and he was accussed of her murder.

 Nor when he accidentally killed Charlie in Berlin.

 It is a false narrative to suggest that something as serious as this would automatically or probably result in Peter simply cracking wise.

 1. STAY ALIVE

 “Considering he has been Spider-Man for less than two years, Miles has faced more than his share of near-death experiences. ”

 Miles has definitely been Spider-Man for longer than 2 years.

 “However, Miles’ ability to stay alive when placed in these situations speaks volumes about his awareness and adaptability, especially considering his age.”

 I fail to see how this is something he can do that Peter couldn’t.

 “When Miles fights the Green Goblin shortly after Peter’s death in Ultimate Spider-Man issue #7, he uses his energy burst to defeat him instead of being killed.”

 When Peter battled Juggernaut and Firelord he used his superior speed and smarts to avoid being killed...and owning their asses...

 “During Secret Wars, Miles is also able to use his wits and hides aboard a ship as Earth 1610 and Earth 616 collide, which allows him to survive the initial collision of the two worlds. When he wakes from stasis in Battle World, he befriends Molecule Man and provides him a hamburger that he happened to have on him. Molecule Man saves Miles, and as a sign of good faith and in appreciation of Miles’ kindness, Molecule Man also brings back his mother. So, not only does Miles have the ability to stay alive against foes who just can’t stay dead, but his actions also bring back his loved ones.”

 Again...not seeing how this is something Peter couldn’t do. It’s not even like he intended to bring his mother back to life, that was a fluke.

 Hell between cloning, mystic ninjas and everything he’s seen peter could probably bring his loved ones back to life but opts not to.

 Overall...weak list.