#alluka x you

[zurenie]

the canon content isn’t enough i need more of these three

[bwabys-scenarios]

how would christmas be with the zoldycks?

In one word: awful.

I feel like Christmas with them is more about showing off that they’re the perfect, sophisticated family than having fun. I’m assuming in this situation you’re probably Illumi’s love interest and have been kind of forced to attend Christmas with his family.

Dinner is boring, they only talk about assassination work between long stretches of silence. The Christmas presents are extravagant, but there’s no heart or soul put into anything. It feels cold and empty.

Now, Christmas with just you and Illumi is a little different. I assume you’d spend Christmas Eve with his family and come home miserable, feeling all of your Christmas joy sucked out of you. Because of this, Illumi hesitantly asks you what your family would do for Christmas.

“Well usually, we make dinner together, chat while we eat, set out some cookies for Santa, then spend the rest of the evening watching Christmas movies.”

He nods, gently stroking your head as you talk. “Let’s do that then.”

After your early dinner at his family’s home, which you barely ate because of your fear Milluki may have poisoned your food, the two of you spent the evening making dinner, having fun.

On Christmas Day, you invited his younger siblings over to open presents. Killua and Alluka cling to you like you were an older sister, while Kalluto and Milluki kept their distance. Kalluto lightened up after eating pancakes for breakfast and getting to open his present, a new art kit.

Illumi enjoyed seeing you interact with his siblings, the idea of you being the perfect mother to his children only cementing in his mind. That Christmas was the first one in the Zoldyck family’s history to be filled with genuine love and happiness. They all loved you dearly, appreciating your motherly love.

[i-heart-hxh]

So, a few days ago I found this post on Reddit from 2 years ago (that sadly barely got any attention at the time) that sheds a ton of light on the separation scene between Gon and Killua, and my mind is blown! I've known for years that there was some sort of Togashi "coding" in the dialogue and it was always like I could get halfway to understanding, but this post gives the rest of the puzzle pieces that I was missing, and ties into other scenes that I was uncertain about the meaning of as well. It's heartbreaking, but also hopeful for their future! I had to share it with you all. Please read it!

The original Reddit post has been deleted, but here is a link to the author's Reddit profile. (I received permission from the original author to post this here.)

In-Depth analysis on the Hidden Reasons behind Gon & Killua's separation scene (ep 147) Why Gon is 'Number 2'

The translations across the separation scene in both manga (chp 338) and the anime (ep 147, 2011) have some shortfalls. These dialogues are vital for understanding even the first layer of reasons behind this separation.

REASONS FOR KILLUA'S DELICATELY PLANNED SEPARATION 

1. WHEN -

There are very important reasons why Killua picked a specific timing to tell Gon about Alluka. It was Killua's plan all along, to only tell Gon at a moment's notice, to make sure Gon won’t get time to ask any DETAILS. He is deliberately downplaying the seriousness of everything he’s been through to heal Gon, so it will have less impact on Gon, and at the same time, avoid Gon asking details. Prior to healing Gon, Killua specifically asked Morel and Leorio to promise not to tell Gon that he saved him. After Gon was healed, there was a scene in the anime (ep 148) which showed the three spent a night together before reaching the World Tree. During that time, Killua still haven't said anything. It wasn't until the moment when they were literally saying the last goodbye, Killua casually brought up:

“Oh, by the way, this guy healed you."

I want to emphasis the word Killua used to address Alluka was “こいつ”. This is a very light and overly casual word used to address someone you know, and usually a playful guy friend (e.g. “This guy used to be my neighbour.” type of feeling). The manga and anime translation, “She’s the one that healed you,” did not clearly depict the intentional casualness.

2. WHAT was SAID -

If Killua just doesn’t want to burden Gon with guilt and responsibility, then why not just keep his mouth shut and say nothing? That’s because Killua found a better option than not telling Gon anything. Killua shifted the “priority of reasons” a bit, so the VERSION OF EVENTS he told Gon, was PRIORITIZED on Alluka’s rescue rather than healing Gon. This way, they will also get to THANK Gon, and put an emphasis on thanking Gon because Killua make it SEEMED like it was more important to rescue Alluka, that the INITIAL REASON for Killua to go home, was to rescue Alluka. Only AFTER Alluka was freed, they came to the hospital to heal Gon, out of convenience, since only Alluka has the ability to do so, and since she’s now outside. The MAIN motive for these past events has been delicately swapped around by Killua, so the focus switched to the rescue of Alluka, rather than healing Gon. Hence Alluka is “No. 1”, Gon is “No. 2”. Downplaying it so healing Gon was just a bonus convenience (ep 147, 19:12 to 19:51).

Killua then goes on another level to make this version of events seem even more realistic, by saying “….You owe me a lot now,” in a teasing and playful tone of voice. This is to again, downplay the seriousness of everything he’s been through, to comfort Gon that "Yes you owe me one now, but don’t you worry! I will make sure you pay it back okay?! Hehe!”

3. WHY -

The fight with Pitou allowed Killua to witness Gon's ultimately immature mind set when it comes to “repaying someone, and redeeming himself.” Kite lost an arm and his life to protect him. So Gon gave his life and was even more happy when Pitou took his arm too. Gon will always want to “match” what was sacrificed by another, by throwing away AT LEAST the same. Not “sacrificing”, but THROWING AWAY. It’s so immature, so dangerous, no one will be able to keep up with him. Killua was very confident with how much he could take, but even Killua himself is at limit. This ultimate baka!! (ep 136, 17:50 - 20:17)

If this is how far Gon will go for Kite, he can only imagine what Gon would go recklessly into if he knew the DETAILS. This is when Killua decided on a way to part with Gon the way they did, and to PROVIDE him a particular REASON.

“I’m prepared to spent the rest of my life protecting her.” 

This is the reason Killua wants Gon to know, but NOT what he actually wants to do with his life. Although it’s true he feels responsible and genuinely wish to protect Alluka and Nanika, but it’s not what he ultimately WANTS to do. He NEEDS to protect Alluka, but he WANTS to spent his entire life by the side of a certain baka…

After the previous events, Killua was traumatized, especially when he saw Gon's twisted decaying arm. That was a breaking point for him, after that, the only thing that matters THE MOST for him is for Gon to be safe. He also realized that in order to protect this baka... it’s better if he keeps a distance for now, until he finds a solution to keep Alluka safe from Illumi and his family.

4. THE PARTING -

By planning this parting with Gon, Killua hopes Gon will become detached from him. And that time and distance will slowly render him less important to Gon. So if he was to die... (because Illumi is hunting them down) he did for Alluka, he did it for the vow to protect Alluka, not Gon. We knew Killua always plans ahead, and here, he plants this reason for Gon in the future so he won’t need to feel responsible if he was to die protecting Alluka (or die with Alluka while Illumi is hunting them). This is what’s going through Killua’s head:

“If I die, you’re not responsible for anything. You don’t owe me anything, so NEVER throw your life away again. My only one wish, is for you to be safe. So here I am. I’m parting ways with you... Because I SAID you are only ... No. 2 ... I SAID you are not the most important to me.. So don’t think of me as the most important to you too….”

This, is Killua’s eternal Devotion. 

5. THE RESULT -

As a result of this deliberate planning by Killua,

Gon was made to believe:

While I was recovering in hospital Killua had to go home and rescue his sister 

Alluka is such a cute sister and she can grant Killua any wish?!!! Wow…that’s one cool sister…

Well… no wonder Killua thinks his cool sister is more important than me, it’s only natural. 

Looks like Killua finally found what he wants to do. He will enjoy traveling the world with such a cool sister, it will be so much fun. I should be happy for him, I can’t hold him here... I have to let him go…

VS

The DETAILS omitted:

Gon was not recovering at all in the hospital. Killua RESORTED to USE Alluka in order to heal Gon. 

Alluka’s blood stained dark past and the risks and uncertainty that still involves.

Baka Gon is always No. 1 !

Killua and Alluka are desperately trying to find a way to out of Illumi’s grasp. Illumi is hunting them down and trying to make Killua his puppet again. And this time it's not going to be just a needle in the head... Killua can feel it. And if things doesn’t work out, he will just kill Alluka.

These Reasons are the core of the separation. We have a song named “Reason”… aren’t the lyrics shedding a new layer of light now?

6. IMPORTANT WORDS ALLUKA USED TO FACILITATE A BETTER RELATIONSHIP AFTER REUNION -

Killua promised to “always be together” with Alluka.

But to this promise, Alluka’s response was always silent (episode 145, 3:32 to 4:19). She looked at Killua with deep thought. Because even in such a short amount of time, she realized Killua is doing all this to ALSO or MORE SO protect Gon. It was never just for her, it will never be just for her, and there will never be anyone more important than Gon for Killua. She’s moved by Killua’s devotion and resolve, and she can also feel his sadness…   

If, the situation was different, if Gon was never there to begin with, and Killua just happened to solely come to Alluka’s rescue, and then make a promise to stay together with her forever, Alluka’s natural reaction will be melting with happiness, she’d be crying tears of joy, and hugging Killua. But in this instance, she was composed, she sensed her brother’s deep seriousness and sadness. That’s why later on, she reassured the two at parting, that they will see each other again, without disclosing Killua’s true REASONS. 

The Exacted words Alluka used (Manga chpt 338, 2011 anime epi 147)

a. Manga translation: “I’m going to HUG my brother for a while and then I will LET HIM GO.”  

b. Better translation: “I’m going to have my brother all to myself for a while and then I will let him free.”                            

c. The exacted phrase: “I’m going to Monopolise my brother Exclusively for a period of time, then I will Release him.”

独り占 (Monopolise Exclusively) 

Very strong characters with Explicit meaning. Have it all to oneself. Same characters and meaning used in Chinese as well. （独占）

解放 (Release) 

This is much more formal and serious than “let go”. It implies the subject was initially bound/locked/restricted. Also the same characters and meaning used in Chinese.

Alluka employed these words to imply a forceful lead in this “deal” of owning Killua exclusively. These words have an underlying tone of enslavement. 

Why? Because Alluka knows, the harder she IMPOSES herself on Killua during their time together, the more effective it would be on the easing of Killua’s own guilt. 

Killua felt immensely guilty.

No one will enjoy a relationship bound by guilt. 

Alluka knows clearly that part of her brother’s promise, was formed with guilt, from using her and Nanika, that he was having fun with Gon while Alluka was literally forgotten. Although it's true that this was largely due to Illumi's manipulation, but the fact that he did just left her in the basement all this time was both unacceptable and unforgivable to Killua himself (episode 138, 13:28).

Therefore apart from protecting Gon, this was the other important reason for this separation. Almost as if Killua has accepted this as a befitting price to pay in order to redeem himself as a brother.

Alluka and Nanika have no condition nor demand in return for Killua’s requests. But Killua imposed a price on himself for having Gon healed. Out of guilt. Alluka knows, Nanika knows. That’s why Alluka used the word 解放 (release), because it will make Killua feel better, that he has complied with her ‘enslavement’, so when the time comes, Killua will be able to release HIMSELF from guilt, and go back to Gon, properly. Alluka loves her brother, and she’s prepared to help him towards a better relationship with Gon in the future, by helping him to eliminating this chain of guilt.

lol Alluka totally ships Gon and Killua ! XD

Thank you for reading.

[z0-ne]

How would the Zoldyck family feel about seeing Future Killua, y'know future Killua is all powerful and all but they also see with KIDS and his wife, but his wife is powerful like POWERFUL POWERFUL, and so are his kids but Killua and his wife don't agree on the kids being assassin's. And the kids don't want to be either. But despite all that, they're like a powerful family that can't be touched. How would the zoldycks react to this? Like headcanons of each Zoldycks reaction😳

YES A HUNTER X HUNTER REQUEST <3 I've been wanting one of these for so long <33

This is actually a really good question, I can't imagine any of them having a positive reaction to their most promising family member basically ending the family "tradition" it'd be a big loss and they won't be happy, accept alluka of.

WHAT IF: What if the Zoldycks had their most promising member go against their traditions with their own children?

SILVIA

● To say he was disappointed would be a huge understatement.

● Killua has seen his father upset before but to visibly see it on his face? It was scary, but he had you by his side to make it easier staying stern with his decision.

● He was very quiet, and it was somehow worse than him yelling. Just quietly staring you two down with his eyebrows furrowed and his eyes filled with a chilling rage. The room felt colder and you felt the fear of an upcoming fight just building, not to mention Killua tensing his muscles in preparation didn't help.

●Then his expression softened and he closed his eyes and sighed.

●"Fine, that's your decision but I can't say I'm not disappointed that you're willing to waste such potential."

● You were both relieved to not have to destroy your home and possibly loose limbs just for the sake of not putting your children through some trauma.

● He leaves without issues shockingly. He doesn't even ask to see the children again, if they approach he'll speak and tell them goodbye but he makes no issues.

● In the back of his head however he's thinking that assassin is just in their blood and eventually he'll get his way and those children will give into their urges.

● It will happen. One way or another, he'll make sure of it

KIKIYO

● To be fair, Killua didn't even want her to know you were pregnant or gave birth, she only found out because she forced illumi to tell her once he came back from Stalking you two.

● Since she knew it was hardly anything stopping her from visiting, and with you trying to keep the peace for the sake of the children Killua really couldn't just kill her at the front door.

● She dotted over her grandchildren and kept talking so fondly of how amazing they'd be as assasins how they'd be merciless and talented.

"They won't be assasins." You quickly spoke as you had a butler take the children into another room, Killua and you standing beside eachother and looking at her as her face went to shock.

●She was very verbal with her disappointment and anger.

"HOW DARE YOU DISRESPECT THE FAMILY LIKE THIS?! YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST MAKE THAT DECISION!?"

● You simply watched her, a bit amused at her tantrum and Killua was less than pleased to hear her loud banshee like screaming again.

"THESE CHILDREN MUST BE ASSASINS WHAT WOULD YOUR FATHER THINK?! YOU CAN'T JUST WASTE SUCH POTENTIAL-"

● It's hard stopping him really, especially with someone he resents as much as his mother with no fear of a fight.

"These are our children to do as we please until they get older and say otherwise and our decision is final no matter what you, or anyone else says." Killua makes it very clear with his stern tone and cold eyes as he forces his mother to stop her tantrum.

● Unfortunately her silence doesn't last long and she goes on a long loud rant about how he is betraying the family and being a disappointment.

● So to prevent Killua from lashing out you have security drag her out kicking and screaming. Literally.

ILLUMI

● Killua didn't even want him within one hundred feet of his children so this conversation was had far from your home.

● "You are wasting potential." He says in that blank tone, his large fish eyes staring into your soul as he shifts his gaze to you, making you uncomfortable enough to cringe. "Is it because of the woman? I'd assume such a distraction would effect you, had I known it'd be to such a severity I would have handled it long ago."

● His original plan was to use his pin on you, to shift your mentality to his liking so you'd convince Killua otherwise, and you didn't see it coming considering you hardly interacted with illumi since you and Killua were children.

● Killua however, having grown up with him saw it from a mile away and stood infront of you, immediately making his hostility known, not even hiding his bloodlust as he stares his older brother down.

●Disappointed with the obstacle Illumi sighs and puts the pin away, he's no idiot, a fight with Killua now that he's fully grown and unlocked his potential to its full is a death sentence waiting to happen, and now that you'll be made aware of what he was gonna do he won't risk fighting you either.

● "Fine, I won't. However I hope you know this is a foolish decision. Those children will be assasins, it's in their blood as much as it is in yours."

"Not if we have anything to say about it."

● Illumi stares at the two of you for an unnatural amount of time, it gets uncomfortable but then his gaze shifts to your home in the far distance.

● "Don't even think about it. You are to stay far away from my family, especially my children."

● Illumi looks back at Killua and then at you. "They are lovely assasins."

● Then he turns to leave.

● Out of everyone, Illumi is the worst member of the family to ever find out you two had children.

● Because he'll make sure they become assasins.

● One way or another.

MILLUKI.

(My love ♡♡)

● To be fair he doesn't care.

● When the news was spread that you guys had kids he just shrugged it off and kept either gaming or building bombs, whatever he does.

● Killua left the family quite a while ago and the animosity that was once held for him shifted into a lack of care for many of the things he did.

● However he did call him wondering what their mother was screeching about.

"Why is mother screeching about failure?"

"We won't let the children be forced to be assasins."

"Oh, whatever." He then hangs up.

● He's not going to waste his time convincing his competition over the years to make more competition with his kids. He's too old for that at this point.

● It doesn't benefit him or complicate things too much. If mother yells to loud he'll slap on headphones and let that be the end of it.

●Visiting? What for? So he can get banned like his mother did? No. He'll send a drone to see if anything changes with the children or if they inherited skills of any sort but that's rare.

● One time one of the children noticed and you watched from afar as they held a conversation with him for about fifteen seconds before the drone left.

● But really he doesn't care too much if at all.

KALLUTO

● As one of the only siblings that directly Apologized and made an effort to rebuild a strained relationship with Killua Kalluto is the only assasin who was willingly told of your pregnancy and the birth of the children.

● They are happy for you both for having the children albeit confused about the fact that they won't be assasins.

● They question it at first but when Killua stays firm and explains it's too much for them they back down and respect his and your decision.

● They weren't exactly surprised considering Killua hated being an assasin and your background on being used because of your family. It's not surprising assasin business isn't something you'd want your children apart of.

● They don't want children so they don't understand your love for them, but they are respectful and leave it at you both not wanting it.

♡♡ALLUKA♡♡♡

● Oh she was ecstatic when they were born. She lives with the two of you so of course she was first to know!

● She doesn't mind that they won't be assasins so when she finds now she shrugs it off. She'll love her nieces and nephews regardless.

● Her experience with assasins obviously isn't that great so she could be a bit relieved because they wouldn't be following that.

● So she's happy.

ZENO

● He likely passed away around this time so he's rolling in his grave.

[illubean]

Gon with Older Sibling! reader

Characters: Gon Freecs Type: Fluff, Headcanons, gn!reader

I think about this a lot he's such a cutie patootie and I want to be his big sibling so bad

Warnings: none

ok first off

you guys are definitely super close

growing up on the island together and being homeschooled made you guys best friends, even if there's a big age gap

my personal headcanon for Gon is he's Filipino so he would def call you ate or kuya

you're his biggest role model

we all know how Gon wants to get his hunter license

but if you're a hunter? he's even more excited to get one

would ask lots of questions about what its like being a hunter and about your journeys

when he was still staying on whale island he would drag you to play outside with him or fish

he probably catches bugs or frogs and brings them to you

his favorite thing to do with you is probably play hide and seek in the woods

if we wanna get more "modern au" like I think he'd like playing just dance with you

he gives the game his all just to get "good" and "okay"

get's a little pouty if you beat him just by swinging the controller around

when he brings Killua home he's super excited for you guys to meet

Killua probably gets jealous after seeing you two being so loving towards each other (since none of the Zoldyck kids are close except for him and Alluka)

but it's ok, you end up treating him like a brother too :D

you're one of the most important people in Gon's life, so he makes extra sure to succeed so that you will be proud of him

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

Killua and the Power of Wishes

Okay going to try and make this coherent because the amount of wish association all through Killua's character development makes me want to chew plaster.

As a fair warning, this analysis ended up being long as hell, and I didn't even include everything I could've said. This is also just one lens to analyze Killua's story arc with, and I feel there are other valid interpretations of some of these moments. This is just one of mine, so keep that in mind please.

One last warning that this analysis does discuss emotional manipulation and abuse, as is par for Killua's background.

Let's set the stage with one important piece of info: Killua's birthday.

Killua's birthday is July 7th, the same day as Tanabata. Tanabata is a folklore-rich festival where according to legend, the two lovers, weaver Orihime and cowherd Hikoboshi, represented by the two stars, Vega and Altair, are allowed to reunite once a year after separation. A popular custom of Tanabata is to make wishes by writing them down on tanzaku, then hang it on a bamboo tree so that the wish might one day come true.

Tanabata is also known as the Star Festival. Please keep this in mind, because I'm going to come back to it.

To finish setting up the lens for this analysis, I'm going to need to dig into the game-changer scene for Killua's early characterization - his confrontation with Illumi at the end of the Hunter Exam, and specifically, the exact nature of Illumi's manipulation of him.

I say "game-changer" because it really is - up until this point, it's kind of fair to not fully know what to think about Killua. Certainly, he seems excited to hang out with Gon (he approached him first, after all) and he's friendly enough, but he's also arrogant and claims to be motivated mainly by boredom. For all intents and purposes, Killua seems set up to be Gon's dangerous yet charismatic rival... but then this scene happens and it completely turns it all on its head.

Because Killua may have mentioned his family was controlling before, but he seriously downplayed the severity of it - likely because he has no point of reference for how awful his situation actually is other than it makes him feel bad and trapped. Illumi's appearance immediately shifts our understanding of Killua from runaway murder kid with annoying murder family to straight-up victim of emotional abuse, and dissolves his cockiness instantly to terror.

What does all this have to do with wishes? Glad you asked. Let's look at some of Illumi's dialogue.

[ID: A screenshot from HxH episode 20 of the 2011 anime. Killua looks up, sweating and conflicted, as Illumi tells him "You don't want anything or wish for anything." End ID.]

This is the crux of Illumi's (and the family's) control. Killua's desires do not align with the family trade. They must be excised from him.

When Killua insists that he does have something that he really wants, Illumi says "Tell me what it is you want", in a mockery of a certain other sibling who would have helped fulfill this wish - Illumi asks only so he can completely dismantle it. And Killua isn't even really surprised at Illumi's words, just heartbroken. You can tell this isn't the first time this sort of thing has happened.

Killua states his wish quite fervently; he really means it. But his words are not rebellious, nor cathartic. Instead, he answers Illumi quietly, as if fearful or ashamed, almost reminiscent of a sinner's confession.

[ID: Two screenshots from HxH episode 20 of the 2011 anime. In the first Killua looks down with a troubled expression, saying "I want to become friends with Gon...". In the second, his face is hidden as he stands with hands clenched at his sides with a spotlight on him. He says "I'm sick of killing people..." End ID.]

It's such an innocent, simple want.

And Illumi proceeds to make him feel like even something so simple is harmful and selfish of him... not to the family, but to Gon.

In a matter of a few minutes, Illumi breaks down Killua's wish by:

Acknowledging this desire, but twisting it into something that will inevitably fade over time, thereby causing Killua to doubt his own conviction and feelings -> "Gon is a novelty, a radiant presence who has piqued your curiosity. No more than that."

Acknowledging that Gon is someone important to Killua, and undermining this by telling him that by his very nature, he will eventually bring harm to Gon, which makes him feel as though Killua cannot trust himself to be a good friend -> "If you try to be friends with him, you will one day want to kill him... because you are, by nature, a murderer." (As a... delightful... bonus, this is also apparently how Silva and Illumi justify their treatment of Killua to him - "This is the essence of your existence and we taught you accordingly." Like they adapted to Killua's nature, instead of them molding Killua into who they wanted him to be.)

Delivering an ultimatum - to fight Illumi and win, or else Gon will die - that Killua is doomed to fail due to his upbringing and the needle in his head. Since Killua doesn't know about the needle, he assumes this is his own personal failure, something Illumi feeds into -> "You're just not qualified to make friends."

And it's the last point that breaks him. The first two shoot down Killua's present wish, but the last proceeds to shatter any hope he might've had of wishing for anything similar in the future - he has told him that his desires are weak, temporary, inherently dangerous to those around him, and worst of all, aren't enough on their own for him to deserve friendship and love from others. And the clincher: Killua feels like all of this is his own fault, that there is something inherently dangerous and wrong with him!

So, it doesn't even matter to Killua anymore if he fails the Hunter Exam. To him, he just failed the only test that mattered.

10/10 manipulation, Illumi. Fuck you, seriously.

Killua's character arc is mainly his quest and struggle to refute Illumi's arguments and to shake off the manipulation and the ways in which his family have molded and controlled him. And by far, the most difficult part of his conditioning to shake off is this idea that he is undeserving of anything more than what he is already given.

It's almost like the family has drilled it into him that wishes are dangerous. How interesting.

Thankfully, however, there are two parties to Killua's wish here - Gon, too, is a part of it, and it is not simply his reciprocated desire to be Killua's friend that saves him, but also his recognition of Killua's situation for what it is (notably, when no one else correctly identified the true issue).

"You know it wasn't his choice. You manipulated him, kidnapping his spirit!"

The ensuing Zoldyck family arc emphasizes that Gon is 100% correct: the main hold Killua's family has on him isn't physical - it's all emotional.

Killua breaks one of his shackles when Milluki threatens to have his new friends killed, but he only breaks the rest when Zeno tells him he's free to go. So, if Killua could break loose at any point, was this still a rescue like Gon said?

Well, yes - just because he absolutely could've broken out physically at any time, that does not mean he could just leave. That's the nature of situations such as this - it's not as simple as "just leaving". Support is necessary, as is actually having something tangible outside the situation to go to - otherwise there is little point to leaving at all. Gon (and Kurapika and Leorio) showing up to free Killua showed him that his wish was reciprocated and allowed him to break one cuff - this is the start of his journey, but he still has a long ways to go. Notably, he again hesitates and closes off when Silva asks what he wants.

[ID: Three panels from HxH chapter 42. In the first, Silva asks Killua "...would you like to see [Gon]?" Killua's expression is complicated in the next panel - he's closed off and uncertain. Silva continues "Be honest, Kil... what do you want?" End ID.]

Killua will backtalk and casually break his shackles and death glare his family... but he's too fearful to voice his wants aloud.

And once again, asked by his father what he wants, he is subtly set up to fail. His wish is granted, but made conditional - "Do not betray your friends", something Killua is regrettably set up to do by virtue of the needle in his head that he, again, doesn't know about. Silva fully expects him to fail and come back home, disillusioned, believing it's his own fault due to his "nature", and trusting in Silva still as a "reasonable" figure in his life.

This condition placed on his friendship is what drives much of Killua's fear and insecurity with regards to Gon for much of the series - the idea that Killua has to earn his right to friendship, and that if he doesn't, he will lose it, one way or another.

It really makes me wish that Killua had actually gotten to hear Gon's views on friendship from the beginning of the Zoldyck Family arc, because it entirely refutes this entire philosophy. He even outright refuses to go through the Testing Gates at first, purely because he thinks the sentiment of needing to prove yourself just to be friends is completely outrageous - he only relents because there is no other way.

[ID: Two screenshots from episodes 21 and 22 of the 2011 HxH anime adaptation. Gon looks up at Illumi and firmly states "[Killua] doesn't need to earn the right to be my friend!" In the second, Gon's face is seen in profile and close up as he asks "Why would you test your friends?" End ID.]

I doubt it would've truly prevented Killua's insecurity from manifesting even if he had heard this, to be honest - his issues with usefulness are very deep-rooted in his upbringing - but still, it would've been nice for him to hear, I think.

However, that's not to say that this exact sentiment doesn't come through in their interactions.

Gon, as Killua's friend, cares about what Killua actually wants and wants to make sure Killua knows that - and that's part of what makes the Whale Island conversation between them really important.

[ID: Two images, both of the same scene from HxH chapter 64, and episode 37 of the 2011 anime. In the manga panel, Gon has turned his head to look at Killua directly, who looks shocked and taken aback, to say "I like hanging out with you." In the anime screenshot, Gon has turned his whole body to face Killua, and says "I think it's fun to be with you." End ID.]

I see a lot of people chalk this up to just Gon being Gon, but it reads to me as much more deliberate than even his usual honesty. He's turned so he's looking directly at Killua, which is a sure way to make his words come across clearly. The lead up to this is Killua, again, not knowing or being able to vocalize what he wants. He doesn't have a goal to work towards like Gon, he only knows what he doesn't want - he's a mix of envious and admiring towards Gon, who knows what he wants and simply goes for it.

But this conversation makes it clear that they have a shared wish - they both want to be friends, and they'd both like to stay together. It's not about earning, to Gon, it's only about if they both want the same thing - mutual, not conditional. There's a nice almost call-and-response type dialogue here, where Gon asserts that he likes spending time with Killua (very directly lol), then shares that Killua is the first friend his age he's had. This prompts Killua to say that Gon is his first friend ever, and that he does have fun with him. And just like that, Gon replies "Then let's stay together!" and pointedly includes Killua's desire to find a goal in their, now shared, upcoming journey.

Overhead, a shooting star appears in the sky. A mutual wish is granted.

[ID: A panel from HxH chapter 64. The night sky is full of stars. In the centre is a shooting star. End ID.]

Hm. Stars. Remember how I told you to keep that in mind, all the way back at the beginning? Their association with Tanabata, making a wish on a shooting star, etc. etc.?

Well, buckle up because this star is going to make you experience so much sadness now.

[ID: Panels from HxH chapter 286. The first is a conversation between Killua and Meleoron where Killua asserts he intends to "go down in flames with [Gon]". When Meleoron looks concerned, Killua brushes off the declaration as a joke. In the second image, Killua is turned away, his outline pale, as Meleoron thinks "Why... did you looks so sad... back there?" The last image is a cloudy night sky filled with stars. At the centre of the panel is a shooting star. End ID.]

Yeah, it makes its reappearance directly after Killua has "jokingly" resolved to die with Gon if it comes down to it, after "since it means nothing to you".

I am assured, in Japanese, the word choice here is 心中 (shinjuu), the word for double suicide, where the intent is to die at the same time in the same manner in order to be reunited in the afterlife. The implication here is that Killua, having increasingly grown insecure in his place by Gon's side but unable to voice this, knowing that Gon is hurtling down the path of no return, thinks back to their conversation under the stars where they both mutually wished to stay together and, because he believes that it is no longer possible for him to help Gon, has resolved to stay by his side in death, and after it.

...holy shit, kid.

[ID: Two screenshots from the 4th ending of the 2011 anime. In the first, Gon and Killua stand back to back as meteors fall around them. In the second, they stand facing away from the audience towards a body of water under a night sky filled with stars - Gon throws a stone, which flashes in the air like a shooting star. End ID.]

And of course, here's the shooting star again in the 2011 anime's Nagareboshi Kirari ending, as well as it being the subject of the song itself and rather explicitly referencing that wish to go on a journey together, to stay together, because... Madhouse hates us. I guess. :'(

What started off as a simple wish for a friend deepened into a wish to always stay by Gon's side. This is largely good at first! Killua is able to explore and experience genuine friendship, to get a taste for freedom, and use the power of his fervent wish to protect his dear friend in order to rid himself of Illumi's needle. However, the more Killua wants, the more he traps these wishes in monologues within his own head and does not voice them aloud. Part of it is that he already feels he's been given much more than he deserves - seeing himself as a creature of darkness and Gon as light - but a greater part of the issue here is not that Killua is afraid to wish for things, but that he is afraid wishing without "compensation" will inevitably lead to horrible repercussions - namely, losing who he loves.

In order to feel worthy of staying with Gon, of earning his friendship, Killua works hard to help Gon achieve his goals, taking on the role of wish grantor, growing to do practically anything needed to support him for seemingly nothing in return - but that's not 100% true. Killua wants at least some appreciation, whether he admits it or not - it's a security thing, and it also clearly makes him happy, even if he's not great at accepting it. He insists in Chimera Ant arc that friends don't need to thank friends, but this declaration always read as very sudden to me or like a rationalization, and it's relevant to remember that this is at the peak of Gon isolating himself and self-destructing before his eyes, and Killua's own insecurity regarding his importance to him.

Killua might not mind doing things without thanks, but that doesn't mean he doesn't like to hear that Gon appreciates him. He clearly does appreciate verbal confirmation of their bond! We know this.

[ID: Two screenshots from the 2011 anime. The first is from episode 61. Killua smiles down at the ground with his hands in his pockets, the colours having gone soft and bright. The second is from episode 70 during the dodgeball match. Gon smiles determinedly in the foreground as Killua looks shocked next to him. End ID.]

Keeping all this in mind, Killua's story, or at least this part of it, couldn't have concluded in a better way than his rescue of Alluka, the wish grantor.

Now, I could probably write an entire other analysis on Alluka and Nanika alone, but for the sake of not making this any longer than I already have, I'm going to go through only a few points. Alluka is incomprehensible to her family because they make no attempt to understand her, with the exception of Killua. The only thing they do seem to understand, when explained to them, is the demands made after Nanika grants a wish - this, of course, fits neatly into their own predetermined views on "earning" and "punishment". However, beyond this, they make no attempt to understand her, and since her power is deemed dangerous and uncontrollable, she is locked away.

They are worried, first and foremost, that Alluka will bring harm to the family, and there's two ways in which this could be true:

As a function of failing to fulfill her requests, of course

Because she, just by existing, threatens the family's status quo

I stated at the beginning that Killua's desires do not align with those of the family business, and he's always apparently been more open to understanding others - he asks Alluka and Nanika questions to understand them, and treats them with respect, while his family are more so focused on subjugating anything that might be a threat. This is what Illumi tried to drill into Killua after all; never fight a superior opponent - everything is about assessments of relative strength, which leaves no room for open-mindedness or getting to know people.

Faced with a daughter who is clearly incomprehensibly powerful, and a son, the would-be inheritor of the family trade, who is showing a disturbing amount of willingness to befriend instead of retreat from her, the family made the decision to excise Alluka not just from where she could "harm" the family power-wise, but also likely to secure their control over Killua, who they then set about practically programming to not have any more wishes for himself, or at least to not be able to vocalize them without fear of loss or retribution.

The family's nickname for Killua is "Kil" or "Killu", which is deeply fascinating to me as a reader - nicknames are expressions of endearment, typically, and I actually don't doubt that here. Killua's family does love him, but their love comes with conditions. He must be molded into the perfect son, and every part of him that doesn't fit must be excised.

So: Killua's memories of Alluka are suppressed with the needle, and she is further cut from his life by dropping the "a" from his name (the Zoldyck children are named like a game of shiratori - Illumi -> Milluki -> Killua -> Alluka -> Kalluto). The nickname is also like a command or order "to kill", which is of course what they want him to do.

Saving Gon through saving Alluka and Nanika forces Killua to have to face down the last and hardest of Illumi's manipulations to shake, and that's the notion that a wish, that kindness and friendship and love, cannot be unconditional without severe repercussions - where the people he cares about get hurt because of him, something he cannot envision being forgiven for.

It's a little sad to me that after spending most of the series struggling against his family's teachings that they didn't lead to Killua betraying Gon at all, as he'd feared... but to him betraying Nanika, by sending her away.

Here is this little girl with a bloodstained past, incredibly powerful and dangerous and capable of amazing feats, treated as some evil thing by those who fear her. But she is kind at heart. Her true strength lies in healing, not killing. And she only takes commands from Killua.

Illumi thinks this is because Killua is the only one with control over her. Killua believes this is because she wants praise. They're both partially correct, but this is not the full reason Nanika does what Killua asks of her.

[ID: Two screenshots from episode 146 of the 2011 anime. In the first, Nanika smiles and says "I love Killua." In the second, Killua looks at her, stricken. End ID.]

Nanika loves him. Everyone has been trying to figure out all these complicated rules and conditions on her wish granting and why Killua is the one exception, but the answer is exceedingly simple. She loves him, and wants to do nice things for him so he can have his wishes granted. It's the only way she knows to get the love that she wants in turn.

Just like her brother, Nanika makes herself useful to earn love and appreciation from someone who accepted her when no one else did.

Even though he knows Nanika just wants to help, he still sees her presence as a danger to the person he sees as pure and innocent who must be protected. He sends her away because her "nature" is to be a threat to Alluka's safety, even if she doesn't intend to be. Killua's fear of Illumi and repercussions causes him to make a horrible mistake.

And Alluka tears into him for it.

[ID: A set of panels from HxH chapter 336. A furious Alluka glares and asks Killua if he made Nanika cry. When Killua stutters, she demands he apologize to her. End ID.]

You tell him, girl.

Oh hey, this looks a little familiar, huh?

"Apologize to Killua!" says Gon to Illumi after Illumi sends Killua away.

Nanika should not be the one punished for the actions of those trying to control her. She certainly shouldn't be forced to leave those she loves, or have to earn love from them.

And neither should Killua.

[ID: Three panels from HxH chapter 336. Alluka yells, tears in her eyes, "If you're going to protect me... you have to protect Nanika too!!" Killua looks shocked, then his eyes widen. End ID.]

It's interesting to me that this is the line that snaps Killua out of his fear enough for him to properly speak with Nanika and apologize. One party cannot receive all the protection, nor can the other only give and give limitlessly.

Killua makes it clear to Nanika when speaking with her that he will protect her, and that she doesn't need to earn affection from people by granting their wishes. He promises they will both be there for each other - Killua will praise her whenever she wants, and not just when she does something for him, but he also doesn't refuse Nanika's desire to grant his wishes. It's mutual, not conditional.

And on the heels of this "betrayal", Killua asks for what he never thought he could receive - forgiveness. And even though Nanika is clearly still very upset...

[ID: Two screenshots from episode 146. In the first, Nanika and Killua face each other, both of them teary. Nanika says "Kay." In the second, he has pulled her into a hug. Nanika is teary, her fingers gripping Killua's back tightly. End ID.]

...she doesn't even have to think about it.

I do think Killua still has a ways to go, but he is in a position right now to learn from his relationship with his sisters about balance - that love is not just selfless devotion, but also allowing those who love you to help you and make you happy too. I think that's what unconditional love is, in a way - supporting and working together with the people you love to make each other's wishes come true.

[occasionalhxhdoodles]

day 9! polished up an old nanika i had lying around

[past-the-comfortzone]

"Ai"

drew the best girl

Fun fact the legs above were supposed to be Usagi (from Sailor Moon) and Gon but their bright colors just clashed with how dark the zoldyck butlers made the whole thing.

[oddishblossom]

HUNTERXHUNTER x Start over! (x)

[eternadreeblissa]

Man I just realized how better I was at drawing traditional than digital

[beatle-07]

[mysandwichranaway]

can you please do alluka and canary with the lesbian flag please?

lesbian canary and alluka!!!! i went a bit insane with the hair, i hope you like it!!!! <3 happy pride!!!!

Because this is in celebration of pride, you can use it however you want!! ;). Credits are appreciated but not necessary.

[hello-there-nice-to-meet-you]

I told you we need more glitter, #bisky's version 😭😭

[hisoilluxfanfic]

I can’t blame Illumi for trying to stop Nanika from saving Gon.

Like yeah that sounds bad but Illumi was like acting under the impression that the wish would kill the whole Zoldyck family and thousands of other lives.

Like without knowing that Killua can command and that Alluka doesn’t ask for something cruel after healing someone, I would also have been trying to stop Killua and Alluka!

I kinda feel like a little communication on Killuas part could have helped. I mean I get that he is scared that Illumi is gonna take control of Alluka but you can at least tell him that there won’t be any cost for saving Gon.

[illubean]

the gon / big sibling post was so cutee i <3 him! would you mind doing one for killua? i know he has sibling but he deserves loving siblings 😭<3

Killua with Older Sibling! Reader

Characters: Killua Zoldyck Type: Mainly fluff, Headcanons, Gn!reader

I agree! Poor baby deserves sm better </3 this was a little harder for me to write than Gon's but I hope you like it

Warnings: none

you're definitely his favorite older sibling

we all know how he is with Illumi and Milluki :(

you guys would play with his action figures together

he doesn't mind sharing his chocolate robots with you <3

the rest of the family definitely yell at you for "babying" him

you're constantly defending him from Illumi

there's been multiple occasions you've fought him for being a poopie head to Killua >:(

you're the one who introduced him to different hobbies, trying to find something for him to do (other than being an assassin)

he likes to skateboard with you even if you're not good at it

he laughs at you every time you fall but it's ok because at least he's having fun

he also liked to wrestle or play fight with you

his favorite thing is probably beating you in video games, he gets smug every time he does

as he got older Killua felt like you were the only sibling of his he could actually trust

despite the crazy training both of you were put through you always made sure that he knew it in fact was not normal and that siblings should be loving towards each other

and whether it was on purpose or not, you were the reason he decided to run away

you taught him he was worth so much more than how the rest of the family treated him so he decided to run away in hopes of finding better things :(

when he comes back and is locked away, thats when you catch wind of his friends being at the butlers quarters

and that's when you meet them

you're glad that Killua managed to make friends and hoped it would help him start to heal

if you decide to go to Heavens Arena with Killua and Gon, that's when the three of you bond the most

you help teach them basic fighting skills before Comes along

you 3 become like a little family

ignoring the plot, you like to bring Killua and Gon places and watching them have fun <3

[get-good-tardigradez]

Hunter x Hunter really gave us, “Of everything in the world why fear gay love and trans people? You should fear chimera ants.”