#along with basic shark qualities

[momosweetpeach]

Tosses up Kirishima Moms up here. I always found it funny how small Eijirou originally had normal teeth before his quirk came in, so I imagine as he was losing baby teeth, he had a mix of shark teeth and regular human teeth for a while.

[boyslit-moving]

ok now that i've remembered! and also gotten my adhd meds for the first time in years xD its time for

SHARK MECHANIC AU!!!!!

for @bearbait-adventures and @cryptic-ink, sorry this took forever 😭

anyway! the basic premise is of course a Sharkface Lives AU but this one has 'adopted by the chorus armies' 'close quarters rivalry with the freelancers' and 'Sharkface gets attached to his ducklings' flavors as well :)

Main plot points:

Instead of stopping and bracing, Carolina takes a leap of faith at the lake below the cliff and hopes to use the bubble shield to break their fall (instead of yknow ALL enhancements). Sharkface gets caught up in the avalanche and gets pushed off the cliff as well buttttttt..... lands in a heap, unconscious.

“Looks like the hill ate up most of that, at least,” Epsilon quips. They watch the pile of snow where ‘Sharkface’ disappeared. It’s quiet for a minute. “Think he’s dead?” Carolina makes a face at him. “I think you’d know if he was.” “Yeah, I was just fuckin’ with you, he’s knocked out from the impact.”

He wakes up in the custody of the New Republic, and Kimball wants what intel he's got. He won't talk in front of the freelancers, but he doesn't give a fuck about the mercs so he spills what he knows (which isn't much to be honest. He didn't pay much attention to anything that wasn't 'Freelancers')

Kimball needs all hands on deck so she's hoping there's other skills he has that they can put to use, if he can be trusted not to attack anyone.

Jensen drives past with a vehicle at that exact moment and they hear a loud crash and Jensen's apologies. Kimball gives a long-suffering sigh and asks if he's a mechanic. Luckily for her, he has some experience.

He gets assigned to their vehicle "bay" and starts fixing things up under the head mechanic's supervision. He's also got a second, secret job which is to prevent Jensen from test-driving or moving any vehicle by driving it lol

Everyone's pretty scared of him bc jfc did you see his face and he's ALWAYS scowling if he doesn't have a look of focus going on. But he's helpful if not congenial and to his dismay and confusion, Jensen takes a shine to him.

Palomo is worried and confused and jealous because he's told her just to call him "Shark" instead of Mr. Sharkface sir, um, Mr. Shark, I mean, uh. lol it also cuts down on the number of "s" she has to pronounce :)

He tries to confront Sharkface about 'stealing his girlfriend' that he's never asked out or even confessed to but Sharkface is like kid sit down and stop worrying. You guys are too young and I don't like girls. Palomo is like. ...oh. Sharkface is like you better hurry up and confess to her though either of you could die tomorrow.

Tucker comes by later and is like dude how the fuck did you do it. (Do what?) Get Palomo to make a fucking move instead of pining like some sort of pathetic teenager. (Aren't they teenagers?) You know what I mean dude, it was pathetic. (Just told him to step on it because one of 'em could die tomorrow.) ...shit, was that really all it took?

Jensen encourages Sharkface to join them for meals at their makeshift canteen but he usually has her bring him an MRE back to the garage and he eats it alone on a crate. Palomo now starts bugging him to join them too. And then Tucker. He's annoyed but they are wearing him down. One of these days he's going to let someone drag him by the hand to the mess hall.... 😩

Haven't written how he gets along with Lopez yet, but I suspect they'd be the sort of quiet bros who work next to each other, never say anything, but consider each other a quality friend lmao it's possible Sharkface knows spanish, but it might be funnier if he doesn't, but Lopez still takes a shine to him anyway because he 1. doesn't pretend he knows spanish 2. doesn't say weird racist/humanist shit to him 3. doesn't talk to him at all and 4. has mechanical skills on par with at least Jensen. he can't be as good as Lopez because Lopez is literally a robot

Carolina tends to avoid the garage so she doesn't inadvertently piss him off and also because Epsilon HAS to make snotty quips or he'll literally die, so she can't risk it. Wash is usually the one picking up a vehicle or checking readiness status down there, and Shark glares bloody murder at him every time he's in there even tho it scares the hoes (the other mechanics get jumpy when he's in murder mode lmfao)

Also out of his armor, Wash is 100% sharkface's type and he's SO FUCKING MAD ABOUT IT. "get out of my school" note type situation for real

Eventually this could probably become an enemies to hatefuck to ah shit I actually feel something for you situation but I just haven't written that far lol

Anyway, I'm sure there's more to plot out re: the actual timeline of the war but I wanted him to be somewhere safe and feel included :) he's one of those guys that needs people, but all his people were killed, and alone he's just going off the rails and a perfect target for manipulation *glares at Price*

ty for your interest, I've been really happy digging back into these 😊

also one last snip bc i like it

"How'd you do it?" Tucker asked, leaning on the open shell of the Warthog engine Sharkface currently had his greasy fingers in. "Do what?" he growled. Fucking stupid little cap was just out of his reach. "Get Palomo to ask Jensen out. He's been like awkwardly crushing on her for months." Sharkface gives him a weird look and shrugs. "Just reminded him they could die anytime so there's no point waiting." "Huh." There's a bit of silence in which Tucker watches him fish the piece out from where it was dropped in the assemblage. "I don't actually know if their gross weird teen nerd romance is any better than him insisting there's nothing going on, but he's not bugging me as much, so thanks." Sharkface squinted over at him. "That's what you came in here for?" "Yeah, why?" Sharkface snorts. "You guys really do just stand around and talk.” "Uh yeah?" Tucker grins. "That's kind of our whole thing, dude." Sharkface smirks back at him. "Hand me that wrench if you're gonna stand in my light."

[star-man-in-the-sky]

One of my mates told me I should write beach headcanons for my ocs and I thought why not?

Beach Episode

Joan McCann

• A bikini top and swimming trunks.

• When I tell you she is going STRAIGHT to those slot machines before she even looks at the ocean, gambling addiction goes hard.

• When she, eventually, goes onto the actual beach I feel like she doesn't do all that much unless someone invites her to join in on something.

• She's 100% the person under the beach umbrella playing video games on a deck chair.

• Ties her hair up when she goes swimming because of how damaged her hair is from bleaching and she's worried the salt water will dry it out even more. She'd definitely braid her hair but only when she's at the beach (would absolutely braid Josh's hair too if she didn't think he'd have heart failure if she tried).

• She seems like the type of person to go into the sea with someone even if she's wearing regular clothes then complains to everyone about her clothes clinging and chafing her later.

•Definitely tries to drown Bill at least once, it was just too tempting.

• I feel like she'd sometimes forget to put on suncream properly and get sunburnt all over her shoulders and back.

• She probably spends the rest of her time either at the little beach side shops or getting snacks.

Alex Lambert

• A pair of trunks and some obscure t-shirt.

• Alex spends alot of their time on the beach, hunting for crabs, beached jellyfish to take photos of, shells etc. or in little trinket shops with Gwen.

• I feel like he enjoys going for a swim in the ocean, watching fish and chasing Joan back onto the beach with a handful a seaweed, it grosses her out.

• Probably drags Pete and Jerry out to cryptid hunt in the area but it's very likely that the scariest thing those two will end up seeing is Alex in her element.

• Alex would absolutely try and help loosen Gwen up in such a social situation by dragging Joan and her out into the sea and jumping over waves together. It usually ends up in Joan falling over and Gwen uncontrollably giggling with Alex which is strangely sweet.

• Was bribed by Joan to steal something of Bill's and bury it in the sand, simply handing him a treasure map when he asks about it.

• Probably buys some shark teeth and dead starfish. (naturally they'd rather eat glass than buy an animal that was needlessly killed).

• Forced to sculpt mermaid tails out of sand for Joan and Gwen because it was "a perfect photo opportunity for me and Mousey!"

• Got their fortune told by some crazy old woman whilst she tied some beads in his hair.

Gwen Wilkins

• something frilly or with a skirt (imagine the green one was white and brown lol).

• Would spend alot of time just at the shore with her feet in the sea, reading a book because she IS that girl (she is in fact NOT that girl).

• When she is in the sea I feel like she'd love to go really far into the water and just float on her back, making everyone for at least a second think she was dead.

• Probably bought herself little beach-y accessories to wear like hair clips and bracelets so she could feel like a little mermaid (Alex is absolutely a Gwen-mermaid truther).

• Would've invited Ironjaw along against the club's will since they're basically colleagues. They'd wander around the shops together after Gwen eventually got too prune-y from being in the ocean too long.

• She seems the type to drench herself in sun cream to maintain her pallid complection.

• Bought herself one of those low quality mermaid dolls because it had her hair colour (she trimmed it like hers when she got back).

• Likely left the experience with a newfound appreciation for the colour blue, pale blue dresses found themselves in her wardrobe a few weeks later.

• Fell asleep, wrapped in a towel, on a deck chair as the sun went down (BC I feel like they'd stay all day) whilst Joan listened to music on a portable radio she brought.

[cloudyswritings]

Traditional foods of Hallownest

So I just made Christmas cookies I can’t eat yet and my hunger is infinite. Hence this mess.

Boofly steaks: These are pretty much what they sound like, I feel like Booflies were essentially the cows of Hallownest. The quality of a Boofly steak is determined with how fatty it is, fattier cuts display very nice marbling. These are actually more savory in flavor than regular steaks and have a slightly more gelatinous/softer texture. Generally Boofly steaks will be served with lake-pearls(a macro algae native to the blue lake that has a salty and slightly sour flavor.

Aspid stew: this is a stew that’s made from the bottom half of and aspid(primal aspids have a much different flavor and are far less popular). Recipe is as follows

Carve up your aspid, start by removing the upper thorax and cleaning the intestines of any waste. Let the aspid drain some of its hemolyph and other juices into a jar.

Drain the acid from the aspids lower thorax, take care to entirely remove the acid glands. Store the acid in a chilled glass or ceramic jar for later.

finely mince some bitter root(a root native to the crossroads that tastes very sweet when boiled), and grind up some hyacinth flower petals, roughly a cupful of each will do.

Cut 2-3 tik-tik into fine strips(crawlids are an acceptable but inferior alternative) and lightly dust it with salt and soak in the juices from the aspid for about 35 minutes

Take the bottom half of the aspid and lightly bread the insides, once a small layer of breading is present pour in some water along with your bitter root and petals. Set this over a heat source for roughly an hour to ensure the bitterroot is thoroughly boiled.

Lightly sear the tik-tik meat and aspid meat before adding it to the stew, wait 20 minutes for it to cook.

Now that we’ve assembled most of our dish the most important part is up next. Because we chilled the aspid acid it should have taken on a gelatinous texture, mix this into any remaining aspid hemolyph and pour it into our stew. This should add a nice sharpness to the dish

Stir until the consistency is somewhere around that of a scrambled maskfly egg.

A traditional breakfast:

Scrambled maskfly eggs(they end up being close to an uncooked egg yolk in consistency) they’re generally something that is slurped up like a drink

Gruzzer bacon: this kinda tends to come in thicker slices than our bacon, it’s great when paired with a light drizzle of diluted aspid acid. Very very fatty, heavy umami flavor witha bite of saltiness.

Mashed crawlid balls: these are mashed up and thoroughly cooked crawlid meat mixed with assorted spices from greenpath and generally have a hollow center so juices from the meat can collect.

A cup of Gruzzer mead: Basically just a mix of gruzzer hemolymph and the pressed juices of a gulka. It has a very refreshing bite to it and a consistency like eggnog.

A rare delicacy: Aluba caviar, generally this is served in the shell of a shadow crawler(throughly cured and seasoned, generally for several months to ensure there’s no residual void) with a side of bioluminescent mushrooms exported from deepnest. This is generally a meal only reserved for the upper castes.

Finally: Rancid eggs can be cured and fermented into a cultural delicacy much like that one Icelandic shark dish. Suffice to say most bugs find this disgusting. The Pale king however thoroughly enjoy it, though this not public knowledge. It’s kinda his guilt pleasure along with chocolate (which is fatal or otherwise detrimental to nearly all other insects hence him being the only one eating it).

I’m definitely gonna do a part two for this once I write up some other recipes. Hopefully ones I put more thought into.

[friendlyloner]

Late again for a wip wednesday post, but in my defense I spent most of this week glamping in Prince Edward County with my husband to celebrate turning 40. Anyways a bold double update to make up for my tardiness.

I'm still plugging away at the Autobots logo, I'm finishing this one fueled purely by spite. The pattern is a hot mess and I am basically reinventing it as I go so I'm refusing to link the creator as I wouldn't recommend it to anyone else. Space shark on the other hand, is coming along swimmingly (I'll be here all week try the veal) and it is by thelonelyseaman on etsy who deserves all the love

Pattern here: https://www.etsy.com/ca/listing/705555081/cant-stop-wont-stop-anxiety-cross-stitch

Gosh but 40 though! There was a hot second where I actually was thinking I needed to do some kind of friend gathering sort of deal to celebrate. Even though I hate being the centre of attention and party type things. And party planning? Get tha fuck outta here! But. It's 40. That's what you're supposed to do right? I had decided that at the very least I shouldn't have to do the work of organizing it, and husband had happily volunteered for the job if I could just put together a list of people to invite. Thank goodness for that, because as I did I realized that all but one of my good career driven lady friends were going to be out of town for work and almost everyone else has kids under 10 and probably wouldn't make it. A perfect excuse to ditch doing the thing I reluctantly thought I should do for something I actually felt excited about. A 5 day weekend away from it all in peak autumn color season.

Husband still did all the planning and found an app that connects people with RVs and trailers looking to supplement their financing to people who just want to short term rent them. Beats freezing my now elderly bones off in a tent or paying astronomical fees for an air bnb or hotel room. And campfires for all! May I also add that as a massive introvert off peak season vacations are absolutely the way to go. The worst of the tourist traps are closed leaving just the stuff that's quality enough to stay afloat year round. No waits or crowding. Bliss!

[idatenjumpfanatic]

Okay fine im going to go shameless and promote my fic here

Uhhh, brief summary ig, it’s an OC-insert, Gabu’s twin sister who basically rides along the show’s canon events for the most of part 1 but adds a little spice to it.

Some of her characteristics are she’s a chaotic neutral, expressive, and very talkative despite the fact that her love languages are act of service and physical affection. She may not start fights, physical ones, but if you do you better make sure you’re ready to finish it or she will do it for you.

She goes along well with Gabu and Taiga, even so much as to join the former’s schemes, but she has her boundaries. As expected of siblings, she butt heads with them just as much.

She says she doesn’t care about what happens to Shark Tooth when things go awry but she often ends up talking them out of trouble if Taiga isn’t around.

Character sheet!

I’d post my character sketch (the full write down about the character, personality, and relationships) here but the doc it is in has my story plot/beats in there as well as some major spoilers so just have these screenshots

It’s just became my consistent headcanon that Gabu is just terrible at cooking lol

I actually made a comic abt meeting Makoto but i never got past 2 pages bc I’m terrible with dialogue but here it is. Click for better quality, but if the dialogue is really that hard to read lmk I’ll add transcriptions

And finally, the cherry on top, some sketches of Chapter 2, with absolutely no proper order of events

Yeah, this is going to be 100% platonic and familial relationships

[neteyammeowmeow]

Rambling about my Benthomaar design (without an actual reference because I haven't drawn it yet :3) (I'm actually kind of inconsistent with how I draw Benthomaar but I have specific traits that I always draw him with, so hopefully once I make a reference, things won't be as inconsistent...))

Anyways, I headcanon Benthomaar to be based off of a tiger shark, leopard shark, and a whale shark (not for a specific reason, but I feel like a whale shark suits him the best because they're gentle creatures)

Benthomaar's overall physique would be different compared to a surface dweller because he's technically a sea being, but there's other traits that are more human since he appears to resemble a human. His body is like a swimming athlete: Trapesium shape upper torso and like, kind of square and triangular overall around -- almost like Miguel's ITSV design:

(However his face shape/nose, is actually more inspired from South Asian features)

🐳Most of my Benthomaar design is based on the Na'vi (and Avatars) from Avatar, and before you assume, it's not just because they so happen to be blue alien people. The Metkayina/Reef Na'vi are a species who live along the ocean, and it makes a really good reference for Benthomaar, who's basically more or less the same (but I also use Jake but that's because he's one of my favorire characters so there's no actual serious meaning for it)

The Reef Na'vi's features and anatomy are made to adapt with water environments, basically. Their eyes, ears, nose, torso, arms, tail, everything is designed by and for a reason. It's super detailed and I love it :3

His attire is based on the Na'vi too!! I think that he'd wear minimal clothing because his environment is the ocean, and too much excessive stuff would bother/restrict movements -- especially in water. Instead, he wears simple acessories to prove his status, his neckpiece is part of it! While his braid is also partially because of the Na'vi inspiration, it also symbolizes a tail (like a whale/shark tail).

Other than that, I also got inspired by the Zora from BOTW/TOTK with the flappy arm fin thing to better improve swimming. And also their webbed hands and feet, alongside their shoulder things too!! (Benthomaar's height being 6'9" was actually because of Prince Sidon):

But, Benthomaar's ears are based on the Merlopian species concept art (sorry for the low quality but hopefully you get my point):

Aside from this, I imagine Benthomaar's hair to be curly/wavy to resemble the sea waves, and his skin blue to "camouflage" with the water to make easy of hunting.

🫧I haven't been able to fully translate all of this into my current art but I'll get there, I have a LOT in mind for Merlopian species/worldbuilding actually... My Benthomaar design has a lot of interpretation and takes from my favs and also sea themed stuff :3 🫧

[narrators-journal]

A loophole in the rules

This is pure unhinged shit. I decided to leave it on a cliff hanger just for some fun and bc holy shit I’ve been picking at this for a good while now, lol. And, just a reminder for any new people this draws in! This is a fic where the characters of the cast are aged up to 18. Think of it as an AU where Soma gets into tohtsuki later and the cast are all shuffled to be in school together or something.

It doesn’t really matter, just know everyone here is an adult, this is just dumb fun for me based on an idea I had while watching the anime. Just, enjoy. Don’t take it too seriously lol. Which, I also say because if...something in the lore is fucky wucky, again, AU. Also, ignore the vague OC, he's just there for plot. Just like this is to exercise Kuga from my fucking BRAIN.

Tohtsuki academy, the pinnacle of culinary learning. Large, cut-throat, and so expensive, that its alumni had to have generational wealth to afford the entrance fee, let alone the tuition. So, to anyone on the outside of the towering wooden gates, they wouldn’t have been amiss for the assumption that everyone who attended were little more than spoiled, snobby rich kids and tightly wound elitists. The school culture should have been nothing but the highest expectations, perfectionism, and perfectly trained politicians-to-be.

And yes, there were plenty of kids like that. Who looked down on the poor and laughed at anything below wagyu quality ingredients. However, anyone who actually attended the school knew the truth.

That in reality, the school was far more akin to the wild west than some manicured garden of marble statues. After all, the place was damn near run by ten kids from the age of 15-18, with the entire school body given the option of a challenge where they could demand just about anything as a reward for a good dish.

Which, for you, a normal, sane senior of Tohtsuki academy, created a great amount of entertainment options after the day’s classes. Especially ever since you began talking to a man named Daichi. Aka, basically your boyfriend.

Eighteen, like yourself, with a love of cooking and food akin to a frenzied shark’s hunger, Daichi was a very loud, confident man. Which, is what had drawn you to him a month or so back when he swaggered up to you on your way to your weekend club meeting. Along with the fact that he was just, cute, and seemed to have a soft spot for you. Which, felt sort of nice when he was known for being an aggressive, food-wars-happy delinquent.

He was fun, energetic, and down to earth for someone as wealthy as he was. It was a breath of fresh air for you after a handful of other rich, snobby rich boys with no concept of being anything but a stiff, judgemental brat.

However, you could also admit that he was a bit petty, vengeful, and fell on the more entitled and elitest side of the Tohtsuki academy culture. Hell, you and him weren’t even that serious, yet he still got offended when he found out you had gotten paired up with the eighth seat of the council of ten. As if you not only had power over who you shared a class with, and who your teacher assigned as project partners.

Which, on one hand, you could understand. Kuga Terunori was not only one of the school’s ten mafia bosses, but he was generally considered to be quite an attractive man. So, you couldn’t entirely be mad that Daichi felt a bit threatened that you spent a good amount of time with the pretty boy. On the other hand, though, it was still unbearably petty to be sour over the fact that your work station for a class was next to Kuga’s, and that you dared to say hi to him when you guys were in class. Regardless of the logic you could see behind it, though, you still couldn’t bring yourself to deny that your boyfriend was...a bit trigger happy with the food wars.

Honestly, how has the ten not put a cap on the food wars a single student can demand? How has nobody just wagered Daichi’s expulsion yet?You mused one sunny day, your classes done for the day and your left over chocolate charlotte cake sat on the bench beside you. Forgotten in it’s tupperware in favor of the class notes you tried to study in the soft spring air. Honestly, he’s stupid lucky no one who’s beat his ass has done that. Or, that he’s gotten his ass beat in the literal sense. Wait, I’m kind of dating him, is that bad to think?

Yet, you didn’t get much of a chance to mull over what that simple thought might have meant for you and Daichi before a shadow fell onto the page of your notebook and stubbornly stayed there. Which, drew your eyes up to the man that stood with his hands on his hips and a smug smirk on his lips. “Uh, hi Kuga. What brings you around these parts?” You asked, your posture quickly straightened as you tried to meet the man’s peachy brown eyes. Which, in the warm light of the afternoon, turned a lovely pink color. “Hi!” He said in the chipper voice you had quickly realized was used to either mock, or endear the dual-haired man to people. Which, instantly made you scan the man over for any tell-tale signs of ill intention.

Which, gave you an excuse to take in the pink hue of his eyes, and the fluffy puff of sunflower blonde bangs that framed his fair face and almost distracted from the rest of his carefully unkempt chocolate-colored hair. but also allowed you to notice that he smelled like a weird, almost off-putting combination of cinnamon-sandalwood cologne and the permanent scent of sichuan peppercorns that had long since seeped into the fibers of his dark-blue school blazer and pants. But, didn’t give away any clues for why the council member was in front of you with his arms crossed and a smirk on his lips. “Uh...may I help you, sir?” You asked in the hopes that the prompt would. Actually get a response from the chipper man. “Oh, I just wanted to invite you to a food war, that’s it.” He said, the bright tone still in his voice, “Why?” “Because I feel like you should be there. I also sort of, y’know, just want you there.” He said simply, and you got the strong sense that he was less asking, and more informing. And, with his seat on the ten, you knew, that he knew, you didn’t get the option to refuse. So, you sighed, “Alright, when is this food wars? And, uh, why did you want me there?” “Oh, you’ll see! And it’s right now, so come on!” He sang, his tone suddenly back to the bright and sunny facade before he grabbed your hand and pulled you towards the school’s arena. Where, you simply had to hope you’d get the answers you so desperately craved.

But, those answers wouldn’t be from Kuga Terunori, because the moment you crossed the threshold, he let you go with a simple, “Get to the front of the crowd, ‘kay?~” sang back at you as he trotted off towards the green rooms where those who were going to duel awaited the official start of the match.

Maybe I should just walk out. You mused as you followed the flow of the crowd to the stadium seats. Where, you debated doing as asked and sitting in the front, or going to the back. In the end, you chose not to go against a man as short as Kuga, so you stayed near the guard rail that protected the student audience from falling into the brightly lit arena below.

Which, was good, because while the arena was used almost exclusively for food wars, the floor was still a waxed wood type of floor akin to what you’d see in a normal gymnasium. Which, meant that a fall from the high bleachers would not end softly. And, with how dark the large open floor was, if you landed wrong in the thick shadows that the artificial light didn’t illuminate, nobody in the crowd, judge’s bench, or the contestants at the temporary cooking stations would see you until the lights all came on. But, all of that threat did little to dissuade the crowd of girls when Terunori finally emerged, soon followed by a more familiar figure.

Fucking daichi you dumb shit. What did you bargain to get Kuga to agree to this stunt? You thought as you leaned against the cool metal of the fence. And, while the judges began to explain the theme and the general challenge that Daichi, your aggressive, loud-mouthed boyfriend had thrown at the eighth seat of the council of ten, you looked the pair over.

To start, Daichi wore the classic chef whites, only smudged with the faded, light stains of his chaotic cooking style. His hair was kept firmly from his face so that it stayed out of his eyes, and he had a smug smile to match the shorter Kuga’s own grin. And, of course, Kuga was equally as dressed up for the event. Though, instead of the french-style chef’s whites, Kuga had on a white changshen, or maybe changshen-inspired? You couldn’t be sure, with gold at the hems. And, unlike Daichi, his outfit didn’t have a speck of sauce or food on it. He must somehow bleach that thing after every battle. “-And as a reward for winning, uh...apparently Daichi’s...girlfriend?” fucking what?

[cecestudies]

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Stand-up paddleboarding is a more relaxed option among the many water sports in Maldives. It allows you to quietly float over shallow waters while enjoying panoramic views of the ocean and islands. Paddleboarding is easy to learn, making it suitable for guests of all ages. Reethi Faru Resort offers calm, protected waters that are ideal for beginners and perfect for early morning or sunset paddling. This low-impact activity is not just good for balance and core strength, but also for calming the mind. It’s a peaceful way to explore the resort’s surroundings while soaking in the beauty of the Maldivian seascape.

Dive into Adventure with Scuba Diving Excursions

Scuba diving is one of the most immersive and unforgettable water sports in Maldives. The coral reefs around the islands are teeming with life, offering divers the chance to explore underwater caves, coral walls, and a vibrant marine ecosystem. Reethi Faru Resort features a certified dive center with professional instructors who guide divers through both beginner and advanced excursions. Whether you're discovering scuba for the first time or already certified, diving in the Maldives is a world-class experience. With perfect visibility and warm waters, each dive reveals something new and exciting beneath the surface.

Try Banana Boat Rides for Group Fun

For families and groups of friends, banana boat rides offer laughter-filled moments and high-speed fun. This classic water sport brings everyone together as they ride across the water on a giant inflatable banana-shaped tube, pulled by a speedboat. At Reethi Faru Resort, this group activity is always a guest favorite, especially for those looking to share exciting moments with loved ones. The thrill of holding on while bouncing over the waves makes for great memories and plenty of smiles. It’s the perfect choice if you’re looking for water sports in Maldives that are playful, energetic, and full of fun.

Experience the Beauty of the Sea with Catamaran Sailing

Catamaran sailing is a must-try for those who prefer a more leisurely pace while still enjoying the ocean. These sleek, twin-hulled boats are stable and perfect for sailing over calm Maldivian waters. Guests at Reethi Faru Resort can set out on guided sailing trips to explore hidden lagoons, neighboring islands, or just enjoy the open sea. The serenity of sailing combined with the beauty of the surroundings makes this one of the most peaceful water sports in Maldives. It’s ideal for couples, honeymooners, or anyone looking to soak in nature without the rush of speed.

Conclusion

The Maldives is not only a destination for relaxation but also a playground for unforgettable aquatic adventures. From high-speed thrills to peaceful ocean explorations, the variety of water sports in Maldives ensures there’s something for everyone. At Reethi Faru Resort, guests enjoy premium access to the best equipment, experienced instructors, and breathtaking natural settings that enhance every experience. Whether you're a thrill-seeker, a beginner, or someone simply looking to enjoy the sea at your own pace, the resort offers everything you need to create lasting memories. Dive in, explore, and let your Maldivian holiday be filled with excitement and discovery.

[ahlam-musandam-tours]

Scuba Diving in Khasab Musandam

Is it worth scuba diving in Khasab Musandam? Khasab Musandam is one of the world’s better locations for diving, a unique place, and is famous for its dynamic underwater topography and rich aquatic life, you can have encounters with a wide range of creatures. We offer daily dive trips to interesting dive sites all year round. Once the registration and fitting rental equipment process is completed, we will go to the certified diver and you’ll either group up with somebody as a buddy or join our dive guide to explore the place. The dive time is around 45-60 minutes, depending on the site structure. All dives are drift dives, meaning the boat follows us while diving with the current along the reef.

The corals between 2-10 meters in depth are absolutely beautiful and nothing to compare to. Thus, as those large rocks fell off the cliff gathering vibrant sponges and soft corals. This condition is appreciated not only by divers but also by nudibranchs and reef fish such as school of snappers and batfish, leopard shark, angelfish, etc, and of course the current around boulders pelagic fish. The sizes of blackfin barracudas around Salama, yellow tail barracudas around Musandam Island, and schools of jackfish in Abu Rashid are impressive.

We have over 40 dive sites in the area where we can choose ranging from beautiful corals gardens, impressive rocks overgrown with colorful sponges, and thrilling steep walls. Most of the dive sites have a depth of 20 and 30 meters. Some dive sites are even deeper. The best things you see however between 5 and 20 meters. The decision of where to go depends on the weather/sea conditions and the experience of the divers.

During the surface interval with some refreshments on the boat, we drive to a different location for the second dive of the day. We return to the Dive Center around 3 PM depending on the number of divers and distance to the dive sites. It will be one of the best diving experiences of your life

Our Main Plugins

Scuba diving in crystal clear water of the Oman Musandam sea

Diving Equipment and diving suite

Clean & high-quality Equipment

Experienced Crew on Board

Professional instructor

Light refreshments

Discover scuba diving (DSD) in Khasab Musandam

Is it possible to do Scuba diving without a certification? You may be wondering if you can scuba dive without a certification, and yes you can, people between 10 and 70 years old to become temporarily certified, so you can learn, practice, and scuba dive in the Musandam ocean, all in one day! You can dive under the supervision of our certified instructor, we offer It is a great way to dip your toes into the world of diving, don’t think too much choose Khasab as your first dive spot and if you really enjoy the experience, you can then look into getting certified. Now let’s dive in and see what the underwater world has to offer!

Khasab Musandam Snorkelling trip

Can I snorkel in Khasab Musandam? Khasab Musandam is truly one of the best snorkelling spots in the middle east because of its amazing fjords. Musandam snorkelling is a fun activity for all ages and experience levels, snorkeling is a great way to discover the many fish species in the Oman fjords and something the whole family can enjoy! We offer guided snorkeling. basic swimming skills are recommended. Mask, snorkel, flippers, and lite refreshments will be provided.

[strengervinay]

5 Unmissable Highlights About Scuba in Pondicherry

Are you looking for an unforgettable underwater adventure? Pondicherry, the coastal gem of South India, isn’t just renowned for its French colonial charm and tranquil beaches. It is also a hotspot for thrilling water sports, especially Scuba Diving In Pondicherry. With a perfect mix of affordability, vibrant marine life, and beginner-friendly training programs, Pondicherry has emerged as one of India’s premier destinations for diving enthusiasts, promising experiences that combine adventure and natural beauty.

Let’s dive into the top five scuba highlights in Pondicherry that make it a must-visit for adventurers and water enthusiasts alike.

1. Scuba diving in Pondicherry: Ideal for First-Time Divers

For those trying scuba diving for the first time, Pondicherry offers an environment that’s welcoming and safe. Dive centers emphasize beginner-friendly training sessions, focusing on safety and basic techniques. Certified instructors ensure that first-timers gain confidence in shallow waters before venturing into deeper zones.

What makes scuba in Pondicherry particularly appealing to beginners is the calmness of its waters and the high underwater visibility, which makes navigation and observation much easier. From encountering colorful schools of fish to marveling at vibrant corals, beginners are guaranteed an unforgettable first dive.

2. Scuba Diving in India: Pondicherry’s Unique Appeal

When discussing scuba diving in India, Pondicherry’s name often shines brightly alongside popular destinations like the Andaman and Nicobar Islands or Goa. However, Pondicherry distinguishes itself with its innovative approach to marine conservation. Its artificial reefs, sustainable diving practices, and eco-friendly initiatives make it a favorite for eco-conscious travelers.

In addition to its ecological efforts, Pondicherry boasts a vibrant mix of natural and man-made dive sites, offering experiences that cater to thrill-seekers, nature lovers, and history enthusiasts alike. Its strategic location along the Bay of Bengal ensures an abundance of marine life and favorable diving conditions year-round.

3. Scuba Diving Price: Unmatched Value for Experiences

The scuba diving price in Pondicherry includes more than just the activity itself. Most packages are all-inclusive, offering pre-dive training, professional-grade gear, safety equipment, snacks, and even underwater photography or videography. Some centers also offer nighttime dives for a unique experience, all at competitive rates.

The value-for-money factor makes Pondicherry a standout destination for both individual adventurers and group travelers. The transparency in pricing ensures that divers can budget their trips effectively without encountering hidden costs.

4. Pondicherry Diving: A Gateway to Marine Splendor

Pondicherry diving is synonymous with breathtaking underwater scenery and diverse marine life. Its pristine dive sites, including Temple Reef, Coral Shark Reef, and The Wall, are home to thriving coral ecosystems and fascinating aquatic species like lionfish, stingrays, and sea turtles. For those keen on exploring wrecks, Pondicherry also features shipwreck diving, offering a mysterious and adventurous element to your underwater exploration.

The artificial reefs here, such as Temple Reef, are an eco-conscious effort to foster marine biodiversity. These unique ecosystems attract marine enthusiasts from all over the country, putting Pondicherry on the map as a top-tier diving destination.

5. Scuba Diving Charges: An Adventure Within Reach

Scuba diving charges in Pondicherry are among the most reasonable in India, making it accessible to a broad audience. With rates typically ranging from ₹3,500 to ₹6,000 per session, these charges include professional guidance, high-quality diving equipment, and safety measures. For budget-conscious travelers, Pondicherry ensures they get a premium diving experience without overspending. Seasonal discounts and group packages further enhance affordability, encouraging families and groups to dive together.

Conclusion

Pondicherry has solidified its reputation as a premier diving destination, blending affordability, diversity, and sustainability. Whether you're an experienced diver or taking your first plunge into the underwater world, Pondicherry promises an adventure that’s both thrilling and enriching. Its scenic beaches, rich marine biodiversity, and professionally run diving schools make it a holistic experience for anyone seeking a mix of relaxation and adventure.

So, why wait? Pack your bags and head to Pondicherry for a scuba diving experience that’s as memorable as it is mesmerizing.

[tayarthur]

Important Images Over Summer Break 23'

“Hollywood’s Finest” by Christina House This image was taken by Christina House of the Los Angeles Times. I don’t believe this image was taken this year, but it was published along with a final piece that was. The project ended up earning House the Pulitzer for feature photography. The story of this image centers around a young adult named Makenzie who is homeless and living on the streets of Los Angeles. At such a young age, she found herself pregnant and forced to battle addiction, navigate governmental systems for basic services, the dangers of living on the street and learning to become a mother all on her own. I think this project and this image was especially both powerful and important because it reflects the state of so many Angelenos and beyond. Housing and the unattainability of it for so many hardworking folks is one of the major leading causes of homelessness. For young people, stagnant wages, student loans, and the temptation of drugs and alcohol pose real threats to our prosperity in society. This image grabs people because it shows the innocence of youth tangled with the harshness of real challenges that frequently are a hairline away from disaster. This image also focuses on motherhood in such a tender and loving way. This quality of the image is why I think it makes such an impact on the viewer. I think this image speaks to my generation as frustration grows around the lack of financial opportunity and social services that would make the “American Dream” possible. It may be the case that we will not be able to attain better lives than our parents. Lahaina Fires by Max Whittaker This news image by Max Whittaker, for the New York Times, is a more recent addition to what some may call “Iconic” images of our lifetime. Whittaker, among other photojournalists, have been covering the devastation of the fires in Hawaii. This particular image shows part of the Maui coastline with an overview of the sheer wreck the fire created of the town of Lahaina. One small structure remains, almost by a miracle. The impact of this image visually takes your breath away as it chronicles just another chapter of climate change and the battle over safe, sustainable power for an ever growing population and warming planet. The heinous nature of the fire might be flanked by the reality that on an island there are limited resources for shelter and safety resources such as fire departments etc… that could aid in curbing damages. Furthermore, as an island community, the prospect of rebuilding becomes further out of reach with extensive environmental damage, shark-like corporations that are lying in wait to gobble up locally owned real-estate and inflated costs for new materials. This image also shows the stark contrast between a once green, beautiful flourishing island community and parallel  histories of erasure of past indigenous culture and island life. I think it’s important to look at these images and recognize the true danger of a warming planet and let it force us to take action. Because, the consequences in my mind would seem to mirror Whittaker’s photo. 

[fatehbaz]

A couple of years ago, I helped out in a whale beaching on the coast of Perth, not far from City Beach. A yearling humpback had stranded. A yearling is not a big whale; they’re normally about twelve to fifteen metres long. But it was clearly in distress, because it basically pulled up on a sandbar partway in the water and partway on land. And so we managed to get it back out into the ocean, but it eventually came back further and higher up the beach, and stranded again. And I went down there with a big crowd of people [...], they brought their kids along. And everyone was talking about why whales strand, and there were lots of different kinds of explanations on the beach. There were people who thought that it was unwell [...]. Maybe it had acquired a virus, or maybe it had been chased by predators. [...] And I was interested in the ways that they point to different understandings of our natural world, be it microbial in the form of a virus or predatory if it’s a shark that’s chased the whale up onto the beach, or even something more universal with this sort of mythic sensibility [...].

I do believe that the more we learn about whales, the deeper the mystery and intrigue around them becomes. Whales are inherently very mysterious animals. There are individual species that we have never encountered alive. Only a few years ago an entirely species of whale was discovered, by doing a DNA analysis on a skeleton that had been hanging as a mascot in a high school in Alaska. So here is this entirely new animal. And they live lives that are very far from our sensory reality, they live in the dark, they live in the deep oceans. They live in a world that is exquisitely attuned to sound, very unlike the sort of visual world that we live in as terrestrial mammals. And so every time we learn something new about whales, it opens up some new possibility, some new intrigue; for example, with whale sounds, we’ve long been able to hear whales and record them, but never really known why whales sing and what it is they’re actually communicating to one another. And that mystery is so compelling to us. Because here is this seemingly complex form of communication that is outside of our ability to decode. [...] So, yeah, I think, to some extent, the magic of whales and the wonder that’s associated with them, is the kind of gateway drug into environmental consciousness. But all of us need to do more if we wish to really inhabit that sensibility. [...]

On the one hand [...] I really wanted to spend time enquiring into the intimacy and the extent of our connection to the lives of whales. So the way that plastic pollution shows up in their stomachs, the way that noise pollution affects their communication. And I wanted to understand that as an embodied reality, I wanted to understand it through the senses of the whales. But at the same time, I wanted to preserve the whale’s otherness, its strange mental life, its strange social life, and just how unknowable the whale is, even as we’re also increasingly seeing the human traces turn up in a really visceral way, inside it and shaping its life. [...]

So we all have these small actions that we can take that cumulatively have a really big effect. And yeah, I want to renew people’s sense of awe and wonder as well. And sort of acquaint them with the weirdness of the natural world, the slightly spooky Gothic qualities of decaying animals and strange sounds that are being emitted from the ocean floor that we have no idea what they mean. And, I guess, not just touch on that instinct for mystery, but also invite them into the dark, parasitic underside of nature. [...] [N]ot just the big charismatic animal, but also all the other attendant species that live off whales and live off decomposing things in the deep sea.

---

All text above are the words of: Rebecca Giggs, as interviewed and transcribed by Riley Faulds. “Whales and We - An Interview with Rebecca Giggs.” Pelican Magazine. 19 February 2021. [Presented here for commentary, teaching, criticism purposes.]

[therealvinelle]

Do you or Muffin have any thoughts on the twilight soundtrack? It's usually the one aspect of the movies that gets praised

I unfortunately have Full Moon by The Black Ghosts on my Spotify top 100 of 2021, so I can't claim it didn't have bangers.

My general opinion on the songs, as songs, is that some are good and a few are full on great. I have esoteric taste and a lot of the songs aren't my style, though. But, the soundtrack did suit the atmosphere the films were going for, so kudos for that.

But I am a difficult person.

I don't think it's the soundtrack of the gods, not necessarily because the songs themselves are lacking, but because it never really makes a scene unforgettable. There are no moments like the "Immigrant Song" moment in Thor: Ragnarok, or "To Die For" in Lion King (sorry about the audio quality in this clip! But it is a great example, since we have the live action version to contrast with, and that version toned down the music as much as possible. The result was so very mediocre, and really highlighted how vital the music was to the stampede scene). Nothing like the shark theme from Jaws, or the ET bicycle scene, or the montage in Rocky. The songs are there, and... well, with the exception of the baseball scene (which, one scene in five films is... not good), they're never more than that.

Watching Victoria be chased in New Moon to a catchy soundtrack (I think "Hearing Damage"?) makes for a good bop, and it definitely made the scene better, but... I'm difficult enough that I still find it all to be rather "meh", because the film as a whole had failed to be engaging, and so a good tune can only do so much, just as "Immigrant Song" wouldn't have made for an iconic scene if it had played in the Breaking Dawn Part 2 battle.

Much of the soundtrack is great, but when the movies themselves are so mediocre, we'll never reach the zenith. There's just never a scene where I'm losing my mind because I'm so taken in with what's happening.

The other problem I have with the soundtrack is that I think Twilight in the long run was worse off for not having its own composer. I've mentioned this on the blog before - basically, by having different directors, different styles, different everything, from movie to movie, there's no internal consistency. The actors stay the same, at least, but even then their costumes, makeup, and hair change and the characterization changes. Compare the gloomy, kind of awkward, human-looking Edward of Twilight to the jokey, suave, and more inhuman looking Edward of Eclipse.

I think a soundtrack with reoccurring themes and leitmotifs would have gone a long ways towards giving the movies a brand, something recognizable that made the audience feel "this is Twilight" the way "Hedwig's Theme" and "The Imperial March" makes their respective franchises feel like Harry Potter and Star Wars. Look to how Lord of the Rings and Star Wars uses music to communicate with the audience, and then look to how Twilight-- doesn't. Well, apart from the obligatory one Muse song per film, but that's a nod to Muse, not the producers thinking "Let's give these films a feeling of consistency".

For the first film I understand the choice made, as it was the kind of indie film where indie music felt organic to go along with it. And the other films then had to follow suit, I get that. But this is a failing on behalf of planning the series, that the producers did not think "There will be more movies and we should have reoccurring musical themes to bring it together".

Of course, I say all of this, but I would still have made merciless fun of them because they would still have been bad movies. And the angsty sountrack does feel incredibly on brand, so my gripe is on a deeper level about me wanting the films to have been different from the get-go.

In a nutshell - I have complaints, but am impossible to please.

[lifewithdavefarts]

DaveFarts - Episode 13 “When She Finally Leaves” [Episode List] Dana spends the whole day at Dave’s place. When the girl leaves, Tim, who’s now Dave’s roommate, finds out how much gas a man can hold in just to not look gross in front of a girl.

When She Finally Leaves

In the last few weeks I’ve been spending more and more nights at Dave’s place, whether because I needed a place to work, write my essays, or simply to spend some quality time watching bad films and drinking beer. It was Dave himself to ask me to “marry him” (as he jokingly put it), basically becoming official roommates, which also meant dividing our tasks and obviously splitting the rent.

And honestly we were having a great time. We both had jobs, fortunately, which were not much but they did pay taxes for now and it was overall a great experience. Friend or not, Dave is an excellent roommate, being pretty good at cooking and organising chores; the same could be said for me actually, though in some cases we have our own preferences; for example Dave prefers cooking (the fact that I’m bad at it it’s purely coincidental) so we agreed I’ll be the one doing the dishes.

We also had our buds crashing over what is now *our* place a couple of times, which resulted in more bad films and beer, or even nerd stuff such as gaming together. Of course however, the person who most often came over is obviously Dana, Dave’s girlfriend. She’s pretty cool though we don’t really hang out with her when Dave’s not around, though as I said she’s pretty easy-going.

Tonight we’ve been watching a trash movie. Yes, the three of us. Don’t worry, I was a welcome addition today. Dave would usually just tell me to leave for a few hours if sex was on the table (sometimes literally on the table, the one where we eat our food…) as we respect each others enough to just be straightforward whenever we needed some privacy. Tonight however it was just chilling like three friends hanging out together (knowing however that Dave would just give me a signal should things get more heated up you know).

We were in the living room. I was on an armchair, working on my laptop, despite the poor wi-fi. On the long wide couch beside me, Dave and Dana chilling and watching the movie with more attention than me, my bud’s left arm around his girlfriend, sometimes making remarks on how bad it was. We all had a can of beer, because of course we did.

The couple brought some takeouts for dinner, some fast-food a few blocks from here (Dana’s idea, actually, which we were both thankful for). Dave, chilling next to Dana, was wearing his signature casual outfit: a grey shirt and pair of dark blue loose jeans, details that my gay-ass eyes immediately noticed and more than once stared at.

“Oh wow the helicopter just blew up I’m speechless.” Dave said, sarcastically.

“A Subversive Masterpiece: that’s what they were going for when they wrote this.” Dana added, and they both chuckled.

I also did my fair share of sarcastic remarks though work got most of my attention, even though it was nothing urgent, just me trying to get some stuff done as fast as possible.

“Did the shark just wink at him?” my bro commented.

“They’re best friends now.” his girlfriend explained. What a great film.

After 15 more minutes the movie ended with the three of us clapping at a shot of a man and a shark exchanging a look of gratitude to each other, as the Sun set into the never-ending ocean. Drugs played a big role into the making of this move I’m 100% sure.

“Well, that was enlightening, but I gotta head back home. The Uber’s almost here.” Dana said, as she got up and reached for her purse and some other stuff.

“You’re really sure about that? Come on, stay here for the night.” Dave suggested. “I taught Tim to play dead. We can throw food at him.” he then joked.

“I can also bring you the newspaper upstairs, tomorrow morning.” I played along.

Dana chuckled in response. “I’m sure you’ll win the next contest you two, but I gotta wake up super early tomorrow.”

The couple walked towards the front door. The entrance was next to the living room, a few steps behind the couch. Dave and I sometimes darkly joked that any assassin could easily ambush us because whenever we’re on the couch anyone could sneak into the house behind us, with enough care (we then prefer to drink about it).

“Call me when you get home.” Dave said and the two shared a quick kiss.

In the meantime I moved on the bigger (and more comfortable) couch, more or less in Dana’s spot, as I also have better wi-fi reception there. I left my laptop on the small table in front of me because apparently all of my laptops have to be shitty and take some time to even the most basic stuff. As I inspected the wi-fi icon flashing on the screen, I heard Dave shutting the door and walking back to the couch. After a few steps his tall figure was already towering over me.

“Yeah the reception is pretty bad lately.” he commented, and then collapsed next to me.

Only a few seconds and he already had that well-known smirk drawn on his face; he then quickly adjusted his position. He completely laid down, extended his demin-clad legs, with his left one resting on the back of the couch, ending right behind my neck. In a moment, Dave ended up showing off his loose, almost-sagging jeans-clad ass directly next to me, as his legs trapped me into a gentle yet strong grip. Seeing both that “wall” made of jeans and my bro’s smirk at the same time was a sight I never truly got used to. He was just lying there, next to me, with his ass pointed at me, as if it was one big prank, even though he knew exactly how much I enjoyed that.

“Bro you’re ready?” he asked, still sporting that smirk.

When even Dave goes as far as asking me if I’m ready, then I knew that the fart was going to be gargantuan. And I realized why: Dana has been with us and my bro the entire day, so it’s possible that Dave just held all of his gas in for hours. We all experienced this, then when the girl leaves, men get to “relax”. Other than that, Dave had tons of beer and junk food. I stared at that denim butt, for the first time almost scared of what my bud was capable of; I knew a fart was coming, and I knew it was going to be big.

But what Dave said next really once again confirmed how chill he is around me.

“Believe me: you might want to get closer for this one.” he said, laughing a bit.

He sported weirdly reassuring smile, Dave’s millionth attempt at saying “It’s ok, Tim.” as he probably noticed now nervous I became when he assumed that pose.

The teasing bastard then went full bully on me and simply reached for my head with his long right arm and gently pulled me down, as if I was bowing to that still silent denim-clad ass. I just heard him laugh like an idiot, as it usually happens. Despite my head being down and in front of that ass, I could still see Dave’s face and that smirk. He raised his eyebrows and half-closed his eyes as he started pushing, but he didn’t need to put all that effort into ripping that blast.

It’s like the fart was barely contained in the first place: it immediately exploded with a loud sound right into my face. Dave closed his eyes and kept his smirk as the blast probably surprised him as well. It was low-pitched and dry, a completely natural gas-eruption that sounded like an engine. The stench was unbearable, a mixture of beer and junk food, surprise to no one.

While farting, Dave adjusted his position as bit, spreading his legs bit more, with my face getting almost planted into that denim-clad butt as he effortlessly kept ripping that immense flatulence. Hours and hours of gas being erupted as if I was in front of a dormant volcano that just woke up. And I feared that “hours” was what he was going for ‘cause after 20 seconds the fart didn’t even lose power.

Dave still had this smirk drawn on his face and occasionally stared down at me as he completely destroyed my face and nose with his incredible farting skills, skills that constantly let me speechless, fetish or not. He was the fart master, a showoff with a manly talent that I could only bow to and endure in the hop-

“Sorry, I forgot my house keys.”

The fart immediately stopped and it all went silent: It was Dana.

Dave turned his head to his girlfriend, greeting her with the stupidest smile you can think of.

“Oh stay there no worries, they’re right here.” I heard Dana say as she reached for keys, probably hanging right next to the door, my face still almost planted in my friend’s denim ass. That felt surreal.

I completely froze (not that I could move) but I knew that she couldn’t see me (just like I couldn’t see her) as I was lying down. All she could see from where she was standing was Dave’s head and his right leg resting on the back of the couch, since the entrance was behind our couch.

I was terrified, while Dave was doing his best not laugh like an idiot.

“What’s so funny?” Dana asked, laughing a bit herself, definitely noticing her boyfriend being weird.

My teasing bro quickly glanced down at me, almost losing it (and still holding holding the fart in, which didn’t stop the smell from burning my nostrils).

“N-nothing’” he stuttered. That’s it, he was gonna laugh like an idiot.

“Okay” I heard Dana, not really convinced of the boyfriend’s answer though.

There was a moment of awkward silence and then we heard a car honk, thank goodness.

“Oh… it’s my Uber. Bye!” the girl said, quickly leaving the house and shutting the door behind her.

Another moment of silence followed, Dave still staring at the entrance. I was shaking, I was legitimately scared that someone was gonna find out, which was weird given the hotness I was experiencing in that moment, even without the fart being ripped.

“Ok… where were we?” Dave asked, turning back to me, with a smirk. “Oh yeah!”

And he effortlessly resumed farting, just as loud, proud and powerful as it was before the interruption, directly into my face. The terror I experienced moments before was blown away by that incredibly blast and me being rock-hard, as it usually happens when Dave showoffs his gassy talent around me, or on me.

Dozens of seconds passed and at this point Dave just played along. He nodded at me, faking a serious expression, as if he was listening to something actually interesting instead of his own loud fart still going on strong; after about ten more seconds he checked the time on his wrist-watch and acted surprised, then stared down at me as if he wanted to say “damn that is long!”. We both however actually lost the track of time and he simply relaxed as if I wasn’t even in front of his ass, all while the fart was still being blasted in my face.

Dave then reached for my head again and gently pushed it inches closer to his roaring ass, and I felt the vibrations of his rip all over my face: it was literally an earthquake.

How long was it lasting? More than 1 minute perhaps? How much gas can a man hold in? Dave certainly was pushing for a record. All I knew is that I felt privileged witnessing that, even though I was beyond being a mere witness since no particle of gas missed my eyes and nostrils.

However (finally, actually), the fart seemingly started to lose power, the once-continuous sound starting to “stutter” and turning more into a fast series of loud farts, fired back-to-back. The show (because that’s what it was: a show) ended with a loud, 5 seconds blast, and Dave’s laughter.

I slowly got up, sweaty, my nose burning, with a startled look to which my bro reacted with another immature cackle. I was now sitting next to him as I was before, and looked back at my bud, who in the meantime re-adjusted his pose. He was still lying down, still kind of showing off his loose-sagging ass, but in a less “menacing” way: now he was just chilling.

“When’s Dana coming over again?” I joked. I mustered all the courage I had left to say that. I was impressed by the fact that I could still speak considering that all of my blood probably flooded my boner at that point.

Dave laughed at that lame joke, thank goodness. “As if I need Dana to blast you like this.”

He raised one leg, again showing off his sagging denim ass in my direction. He quickly sucked some air in and after a few moments and weird noises a loud 6 seconds fart erupted. For his standards, that’s basically a weak one.

My friend just casually joking and bragging about facefarting me and then farting on command to prove it made me lose it, as I felt my boner… dampening. He didn’t notice it but he knew that I had a hard-on, that’s for sure.

I didn’t want to just rush into the bathroom so I just stared at my laptop, still on the table, in front of me: the wi-fi signal was stronger than ever. I jokingly like to think that Dave’s blast was so powerful it actually influenced the signal somehow and improved it.

I turned to my bud, still lying on his side of the couch, just checking his phone and being… casually hot.

“Thanks man.” I said, not for the wi-fi though.

He lowered his phone, revealing a blank reaction “Really?” he said, rolling his eyes, with a bored expression. “Stop being cringe and do the dishes.”

Fuck, I totally forgot about those. We had takeout food but we still used some of our dishes. I immediately got up and rushed to the kitchen, hoping that Dave was distracted by his phone enough to not notice by boner through my sweatpants.

Once in the kitchen, a place that wasn’t tainted by Dave’s gas, my nostrils could still feel my bro’s fart-stench. That’s how soaked up in his gas I was. Even my ears needed some time to adjust to the silence, now that I didn’t have a deafening fart being ripped right into my skull. 

And I just knew that this wasn’t the last time this was gonna happen. I’m Dave’s roommate, and being roomies means we have to divide our tasks: he’s the farter, I’m the sniffer.

End of Episode 13

[piratewithvigor]

My first thought in regard to every band that gets played on my radio station

ACDC: Every dad’s favourite band

Adams, Bryan: Every mom’s favourite singer until Michael Buble came along

Aerosmith: haha they thought Vince Neil was a lady

Alice Cooper: he’s a Game Of Thrones fanboy and I have proof

Alice In Chains: my sister doesn’t like them because she decided AC were Alice Cooper’s initials ONLY

Allman Brothers Band: good music for dropping acid to

Allman, Gregg: That’s too many Gs for one name

Animals: House Of The Rising Sun, or who even cares

Argent: Sometimes Hold Your Head Up is really catchy

Asia: Tuesdays

Autograph: one of the members went on to be a pharmacist

Bachman-Turner Overdrive: There are just so many pop culture jokes about Taking Care Of Business that whatever I say won’t be as funny

Bad Company: with their song; Bad Company, off their album; Bad Company

Benatar, Pat: Always getting her confused with Patti Smith

Black Crowes: I like them for Lickin, but it doesn’t seem to exist outside of one shoddy video on youtube and my old CD

Blackfoot: this band name feels kind of racy

Black Sabbath: Dio was not better or worse than Ozzy; just different

Blondie: I like Call Me, but Blondie confuses me stylistically

Blue Oyster Cult: MORE COWBELL

Bon Jovi: Hello, childhood trauma, I missed you

Boston: ONE GUY. ONE GUY DID IT ALL AND NO ONE KNOWS

Bowie, David: Don’t let your children watch The Man Who Fell To Earth, or David Bowie’s will end up being the third penis they see in life

Browne, Jackson: Another musician ruined by Supernatural

Buffalo Springfield: Jack Nicholson was at the riot they sing about

Burdon, Eric: no ideas, brain empty

Bush: ditto

Candlebox: ditto once more. Who are these people?

Cars: This band feels so gay and so straight at the same time, I can only assume they’re the poster children of bisexual panic

Cheap Trick: I played Dream Police on Guitar Hero so fucking much because it was the only song anyone who played with me could keep up with

Chicago: Chicago 30 exists, but they do not have 30 albums. Fucking riddle me that

Clapton, Eric: 6 discs in one Greatest Hits is too many. That’s called “re releasing your discography”

Cochrane, Tom: For some reason, everyone thinks Rascal Flats did it better

Cocker, Joe: Belushi did it right

Collective Soul: who?

Collins, Phil: If his biggest hits were done by MCR, they would be emo anthems, but because he’s 5′6″ and from the 80s, they’re not

Cream: *Vietnam flashbacks on the hippie side*

CCR: *Vietnam flashbacks on the war side*

CSNY: David Crosby; meh

Deep Purple: THEY’RE SO MUCH MORE THAN SMOKE ON THE WATER

Def Leppard: the only music for when you’re a heartbroken bitch but also a sexy one

Derek And The Dominos: Clapton and ‘Layla’ broke up

Derringer, Rick: Tom Petty if he was from the midwest

Dio: You thought it was an anime reference, but it was me, Dio

Dire Straits: You can tell how bigoted a radio station is based on how much of Money For Nothing they censor

Doobie Brothers: I have yet to smoke weed, but I listen to the Doobies, and I think that’s pretty close

Dylan, Bob: I take back everything I said about him in my youth

Eagles: Hotel California isn’t their best song, but the memes that come from it are second to none

Edgar Winter Group: @the--blackdahlia

Electric Light Orchestra: Actually an orchestra and sound a fuckton like George Harrison

ELO: I really hesitate to ask what happens with the 7 virgins and a mule

Essex, David: no prominent memories of him

Fabulous Thunderbirds: cannot spell

Faces: Who on earth thought that was a good album name?

Faith No More: I got nothing

Fixx: One Thing Leads To Another is a damn bop

Fleetwood Mac: I ain’t straight, but I’m simply not enough of a witch to enjoy them to full potential

Fogerty, John: He got sued cause he sounded like himself

Foghat: Slow Ride slowly becoming less coherent feels like a drug trip

Foo Fighters: He was just excited to buy a grill

Ford, Lita: deserved better

Foreigner: dramatically overplayed

Frampton, Peter: a masterful user of the talk box

Free: dramatically underplayed

Gabriel, Peter: leaving Genesis changed him a lot

Genesis: if someone likes Genesis, clarify the era, because yes, it does matter

Georgia Satellites: sing like you have a cactus in your ass

Golden Earring: Twilight Zone slaps, but it doesn’t slap as hard as this station thinks it does

Grand Funk Railroad: Funk

Grateful Dead: I like their aesthetic more than their music

Great White: there are so many fucking shark jokes

Greenbaum, Norman: makes me think of Subway for some reason

Green Day: the first of the emo revolution

Greg Kihn Band: RocKihnRoll is literally the most clever album name I’ve ever seen

Guns N Roses: They have more than three good songs, but radio stations never recognize that

Hagar, Sammy: I’m still trying to figure out where he lived to take 16 hours to get to LA driving 55 and how fucking fast was he driving beforehand?

Harrison, George: He went from religious to rock, and if he had continued rocking, he would have gotten too cool 

Head East: I respect people who use breakfast foods as album names

Heart: Magic Man and Barracuda are played at least once every goddamn day. They’re not even the best songs!

Hendrix, Jimi: I have both a cousin and a sibling named after Hendrix references

Henley, Don: Dirty Laundry gives me too much inspiration

Hollies: Somehow sound like they’re both from the 60s and the 80s at the same time

Idol, Billy: he’s doing well for himself

INXS: Terminator vibes

Iris, Donnie: knockoff Roy Orbison

James Gang: too many funks

Jane’s Addiction: if TMNT had a grunge band representative

Jefferson Airplane: *assorted cheers*

Jefferson Starship: *assorted boos*

Jethro Tull: The only band to make you feel not cool enough to play the flute

Jett, Joan: icon

J. Geils Band: I requested them on the radio once and it got played

Joel, Billy: he really did just air everybody’s business like that

John Cafferty And The Beaver Brown Band: literally wtf is that name

John, Elton: yarn Elton sits in my basement, unstaring. Please someone take him from me

Joplin, Janis: Queen

Journey: Stop overplaying Don’t Stop Believing. It takes away from the rest of the repetoire

Judas Priest: literally started the gay leather aesthetic

Kansas: another fucking band Supernatural stole

Kenny Wayne Shepherd: the man confuses me to the point where he isn’t in the right place alphabetically

Kiss: Mick Mars and I will simply have to disagree on the subject

Kravitz, Lenny: runaway vibes

Led Zeppelin: Fucking fight me if you don’t think they’re the most talented band (maybe not the most talented individually, but collectively, no one comes close)

Lennon, John: My least favourite Beatle for reasons

Live: I got nothin

Living Colour: slap a decent amount

Loverboy: do you not get TURNT the fuck up to the big Loverboy hits? Who hurt you??

Lynyrd Skynyrd: Sweet Home Alabama is a Neil Young diss track

Marshall Tucker Band: no opinion

Manfred Mann’s Earth Band: VERY STRONG OPINIONS THAT THEY AREN’T GOOD

McCartney, Paul/Wings: Power couple

Meatloaf: I have nothing but respect for a man who willingly named himself Meatloaf

Mellencamp, John: voted cutest lesbian of 1987

Metallica: I liked their appearance on Jimmy Fallon

Midnight Oil: I get them confused for Talking Heads a lot

Modern English: who?

Molly Hatchet: Hollies vibes, but also Georgia Satellites vibes

Money, Eddie: DAN AVIDAN, IF YOU SEE THIS, COVER TAKE ME HOME TONIGHT

Motley Crue: Stan Mick Mars and John Corabi. They’re the only ones who deserve it

Mott The Hoople: no one loves them except for David Bowie

Mountain: props for naming an album ‘Climbing’

Nazareth: I want to make a John Mulaney joke here, but I can never come up with one

Nicks, Stevie: witch queen

Night Ranger: I get them confused with Urge Overkill

Nirvana: Kurt Cobain was the ally grunge needed

Nova, Aldo: he’s Canadian, at least

Nugent, Ted: *serves a ghost as jerky*

Offspring: nothing here

Osbourne, Ozzy: this bitch crazy

Outfield: Your Love is kind of a sketchy song, but it slaps hard

Palmer, Robert: low quality Eddie Money

Pearl Jam: *grunts in Eddie Vedder*

Petty, Tom: I have so many feelings about Tom Petty and they are all good

Pink Floyd: which one is Pink?

Plant, Robert: solo career is a crapshoot, but his voice is unparalleled

Poison: I want them to write a song called ‘Alice Cooper’

Pretenders: I want to say good things, but I have nothing to say

Queen: A doctor of astrophysics, a screaming girl, a disco queen and a diva walk into a bar. It’s Queen; they’re there to play a gig

Queensryche: neutral opinion

Quiet Riot: they got big because of a song they hated. I love that

Rafferty, Gerry: the second-sexiest sax opening in all of music

Rainbow: Ritchie Blackmore created something very magnificent

Ram Jam: one good song and they didn’t even write it

Ratt: I’m sure they have more than Round And Round, but I don’t know it

RHCP: funky, but if you have paid money to hear them, you’re going to The Bad Place (I don’t make the rules)

Red Rider: basically Golden Earring

Reed, Lou: Walk On The Wild Side would be such a cool song if it wasn’t so dull

REM: American Tragically Hip

REO Speedwagon: Props for having a dad joke as an album title

Rolling Stones: Never in my life could I imagine the drummer being named anything but Charlie

Rush: How to make being uncool the coolest fucking shit

Santana: The world needs more Santana

Scandal: There’s something really funny about The Warrior being my brother’s “song” with his girlfriend

Scorpions: Was Wind Of Change written by the CIA? Only the spotify podcast I got an ad for once could say

Seger, Bob: A different variety of Eric Clapton (frankly a better variety, but that’s just me)

Simple Minds: we ALL forgot about you

Skid Row: Sebastian Bach is prettier than all of us

Soundgarden: music that makes you feel like you dunked your head underwater

Springsteen, Bruce: my arch-nemesis. Maybe someday, he’ll find out about it

Squeeze: according to my friends, the stupidest band name ever, but they’re theatre kids, so you know

Squier, Billy: If he can make it through 1984 alive, you can make it through whatever bad day you’re having

Stealers Wheel: Yet another band who I always mistake for George Harrison

Steely Dan: my house’s nickname for the Robber in Settlers Of Catan

Steppenwolf: Either makes me think of Jay & Silent Bob, Jack Nicholson, or that time I had to cut 6lbs of onions

Steve Miller Band: when you’re in the right mood, they slap hard

Stewart, Rod: my soundtrack to summer 2015

Stills, Stephen: Love The One You’re With Is Catchy, but the lyrics are questionable

Stone Temple Pilots: the only band to write a song about goo you smear on yourself

Stray Cats: an obscene amount of merch is available for them

Styx: Supernatural would have ruined them for me too if I hadn’t been into them previously. 

Supertramp: I hunted for Breakfast In America for two years and it was worth every hunt

Sweet: I will never understand my two-month obsession with Ballroom Blitz when I was 15, but it was legit all I listened to

Talking Heads: you may find yourself in a pizza hut. And you may find yourself in a taco bell. And you may find yourself at the combination pizza hut and taco bell. And you may ask yourself; ‘how did I get here?’

Temple Of The Dog: I keep confusing them for Nazareth

Ten Years After: somehow still relevant

Tesla: not the car or the dude

The Beatles: Evokes a lot of opinions from people. Mine is that I love them

The Clash: I showed my sister the ‘Lock The Taskbar’ vine ONCE and it still kills her

The Doors: evokes teenage terror from deep within my soul

The Guess Who: Canada’s answer to confusing question-themed band names

The Kinks: kinky

The Police: wrote the theme of 2020 and everyone somehow forgot it was about a teacher resisting becoming a pedophile

The Ramones: playing all of their songs in a row wouldn’t take more than 2 hours

The Romantics: you don’t think you know them, but if you’ve seen Shrek 2, you have

The Who: If someone can explain Tommy to me, I’d be glad to hear it

The Zombies: I think they happened because of the 60s

Thin Lizzy: Could the boys maybe leave town?

Thorogood, George: blues, but make it modern

Toto: the most memed song behind All Star

Townshend, Pete: just makes me think of the end of Mr. Deeds

T-Rex: Mark Bolan is an icon

Triumph: The no-name brand of Rush

Tubes: like the yogurt

Twisted Sister: they did a christmas album and my mom does NOT hate it

U2: U2 Movers; we move in mysterious ways

Van Halen: RIP Eddie

Van Morrison: honestly, who’s named Van?

Vaughn, Stevie Ray: Steamy Ray Vaughn

Walsh, Joe: The Smoker You Drink The Player You Get

War: Foghat, but even groovier

Whitesnake: the most successful band to be named after a penis

Wright, Gary: the 90s thanks him for writing the song every movie used for the “guy sees cute girl and it’s love at first sight” scene

Yes: To Be Continued

Young, Neil: The best part of CSNY

Zevon, Warren: the album cover of Excitable Boy makes me deeply uncomfortable for reasons I don’t understand

ZZ Top: has been the same three guys since 1969. Lineup unchanged. 

3 Doors Down: They feel a little modern to be on a classic rock station, but whatever

38 Special: Why 38?