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floralseokjin · 2 years

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⤑ 9 months to fall in love 15.

It seems like everyone around you is either already in love, or in the process of falling, and while normally you couldn’t give a damn, finding out the co-worker you’ve had a teensy crush on is dating someone else at the office seems to sucker punch you right in the gut. It’s stupid, and you’re irritated at yourself, but you can’t seem to shake out of the funk you’ve fallen face first in.

Feeling lonely and heartsore, and mad for no reason, during drinks with your best friend you spot a man at the bar. Tequila confident, you make your way over to the stranger, and successfully one thing leads to another. The next morning you leave before he’s woken up, feeling satisfied in one way, but still as discontented as ever. Telling yourself it was an inebriated mistake, you quickly try to forget about it.

Only, three weeks later that night comes back to haunt you – in a very unescapable way…

pairing; kim seokjin x f reader au/genre; unplanned pregnancy, strangers to lovers, slow burn, romance (dare I say romcom in places), smut, angst, (melo)drama, dual pov words; 6,912

warnings/includes (!) prenatal appointments, the appearance of a really cute niece and nephew, minor descriptions of sex, Seokjin’s inner wolf makes an appearance lmfao, Oc officially starts showing, Yoongi appears! Glob’s sex is revealed!!! (the poll results were correct! well done!)

⟶ ao3 link

*inspired by the manhwa ‘Positively Yours.’

note; this is your warning: angst is imminent… 😬 but please enjoy this chapter tyyy!

↪︎ series index

SEASON TWO ⇤ previous | next ⇥

A couple of days later, you had your 16-week prenatal appointment. After the routine check-up, you got to listen to Glob’s heartbeat and see them on the screen again. You’d requested an ultrasound beforehand, wanting to document Glob’s development every step of the way. You couldn’t wait to go home and compare this sonogram with the 9-week and 12-week ones. It was obvious they had grown a lot (the size of an avocado now! Dr. Choi had informed you), and you could make out their adorable little facial features. Seokjin was convinced they looked like you, but you thought the opposite of course.

This was actually a pretty big week for Glob. They would begin to hear your voice, their bones and muscles were taking shape, they were growing hair and toenails, their liver and pancreas were starting to work, their legs developing, and their tastebuds were busy forming too! Sooner or later, you would start to experience movement, called ‘quickening,’ which would probably feel more like flutters at first, or tiny pulses. You might even mistake it for gas, but over time you would be able to pinpoint and become familiar with baby’s movements. Plus, as the weeks went by, they would get stronger. It was still a while to go before you would be able to visibly see Glob moving, but the thought excited you greatly – Seokjin, too.

When Dr. Choi asked how you’d been feeling lately, your reply was ‘pretty great,’ which was an understatement, to be quite honest, all down to recent events. But pregnancy wise? You hadn’t thrown up in weeks and had stopped feeling nauseous altogether. You were feeling more energetic (recent events also proved that…), and your skin was looking pretty fricking good, the best it had since you were a baby yourself, probably. As if Yuna’s words at that restaurant all those weeks ago had been a bad omen, you had recently started to suffer with a tiny bit of constipation, but Dr. Choi advised you to eat high fibre foods and to keep drinking lots of water, especially with the summer weather approaching. You might also start experiencing some mild backache, especially because you sat at a desk for work all day. She gave you a pamphlet on low impact exercises you could start doing and suggested a support pillow for your office chair. You appreciated how helpful and kind she was, and you couldn’t really blame her for admiring Seokjin whatever chance she had, even if she did think she was being discreet about it. He was breathtakingly gorgeous, after all. It didn’t stop you secretly thinking to yourself ‘HAH I had sex with him last night’ though, and you came to the conclusion that it wasn’t your hormones at all, you were just childish…

Before you left, you scheduled your mid-pregnancy ultrasound, the next big appointment, and the one that would reveal the sex of the baby if you wanted it to. You were both still undecided but had plenty of time to make your minds up.

That evening, Seokjin had plans with Namjoon. It made you really happy to think a potential friendship could be blossoming between the two of them, but the idea of spending the night without Seokjin didn’t fill you with the same feeling. Though, it was probably best to take some space every once in a while, things had definitely ramped up this past week, and you didn’t want to ruin anything. Yes, you were already having a baby together, but you didn’t want to rush your relationship, as ridiculous as that sounded. This was new for both of you, so you needed to be sensible about it. However, it didn’t stop you from wondering how you were ever going to fall asleep tonight without his warm and firm arms around you…

At least you could use the time to phone Yeonja and invite yourself (and a plus one – or two with Glob) around for lunch this weekend. You were still on a high from telling Seokjin and Yuna’s families, their acceptance and excitement giving you some much needed confidence, but that didn’t stop the nerves you felt as you picked up your phone and scrolled through your contacts. In the end though, there was no need, because you couldn’t get a word in edgeways when she picked up the call immediately.

“Oh ____ darling, I was going to call you tonight! What a coincidence! I hope you’ve been well. Listen, me and your father have some news…”

You listened in horror and disappointment as she proceeded to tell you about a month-long cruise they’d booked last minute, and would be departing for very early come Saturday morning. All your plans went out the window, and you cupped your stomach as she waffled on, telling you that your siblings were more than trusted enough to be in charge of the house, but if anything happened, she’d told them they could contact you, if that was all right. Of course, you’d replied, feeling a mild pang of guilt when you tried to remember the last time you’d actually spoke to Jueun and Jihoon. You’d been so caught up in your own life you’d totally forgotten about theirs. You hoped Yeonja and your dad a fun and safe trip before saying your goodbyes, but then suddenly, you felt yourself panic.

“Yeonja—” you blurted, before she had a chance to hang up.

“Yes, honey?”

You hesitated, unsure how much you wanted to say on the phone. You couldn’t leave it another month, could you? You’d be showing by then, but telling her the news on the phone seemed so impersonal, not to mention you wanted your father to find out at the same time. Just imagining that loudspeaker phone call made you want to fall through the floor.

“When you and dad get back, can I come around for lunch?” you settled on.

“Of course. You know you’re always welcome. We haven’t seen you in weeks.”

“I know,” you sighed guiltily. “I’m sorry. I’ve been…busy.” It was true to an extent, but you’d also been avoiding them as much as possible too. You took a breath, psyching yourself up. “Can I bring someone?”

“Mm?” You’d lost her.

“For lunch,” you explained. “When you get back. I really want to introduce you to someone.”

You were met with shocked silence. Then, quietly, hopefully, Yeonja asked: “Someone as in… a boyfriend?”

“Yes.”

“____,” she gasped. “A boyfriend?! No wonder you’ve been so busy! Tell me everything immediately!”

“Not now,” you couldn’t help but laugh. She sounded giddy. “When you get back you can learn all about him. Personally.”

She whined. Actually whined. “Do you think your dad would mind if I cancel the cruise?”

“Yes! He would!” you laughed again, nodding your head. “I’ll see you in a month, okay?”

“Yes, okay,” she relented with a sigh. “Bye ____. I can’t wait to let your father know!”

You didn’t think he’d share the same level of enthusiasm, but you didn’t point that out. “Bye, Yeonja. Enjoy!”

“We will. Oh, and ____?”

“Yes?”

Her voice was gentle this time, and you could hear her obvious smile in her voice. “I’m so happy for you.”

“Thank you,” you responded with a smile of your own.

You’d fooled yourself into thinking her happiness and excitement would be grating, especially because you settling down with someone had been something she’d been going on and on about for years, but in actuality, it was a nice feeling. To have someone be happy for you, excited for you, it felt good, and even though you were disappointed you couldn’t tell her or your father the most important part of the news, this would be enough for now. There wasn’t really much else you could do.

Just as you were getting ready for bed, you got a call from a ‘merry’ Seokjin. (He was very insistent on the merry part.) If he got into the Uber right now, was he allowed to give them your address? All your internal talk about sensibility went out the window, you wanted to see him and he obviously wanted to see you too… When you opened the door to him twenty minutes later, you were met with a wonky smile, his face flush with alcohol, but he wasn’t drunk he assured you again, just ‘merry.’ He did apologise though, this seemed to be becoming a habit, but he hoped this time you’d let him share your bed – and your shower if that was possible. He wasn’t long, dressed in a set of pyjamas he’d left at your place already and his breath minty fresh courtesy of the extra toothbrush now sat in the holder. You liked having his things in your house, the same as you liked having your things in his…

He got into bed and sidled up close to you, pressing his face into the crook of your neck and hooking his arms under your waist to hug you to his body. He hummed in satisfaction, one of his legs between yours, and placed a kiss to your shoulder.

“Did you have fun tonight?” you asked, wrapping your arms around him, liking that his damp hair smelled like your ginger shampoo. He hummed again. “Did you talk about me?”

“Of course.”

You smiled, the way his lips moved as he spoke tickling, but you didn’t press him. After a short while, you heard his breathing start to even out, puffing against your shoulder, presuming he was falling asleep, and wondering how awkward that was going to be for you considering he was wrapped around you like a monkey.

“I told myself I should stay away tonight.” The unexpected sound of his voice made you jerk in surprise, and you waited for him to continue. “I don’t want to rush anything, but I can’t help it,” he admitted with a whisper.

Your fingers played with the ends of his hair. “I was thinking the same… I’m glad you called. I missed you.”

“I missed you, too,” he replied, giving you another small squeeze. “I mean, you’re already pregnant,” he reasoned. “We skipped alotta steps.”

“That’s true,” you laughed. Your situation wasn’t exactly the norm, and anyway, if you wanted to see Seokjin every day, why shouldn’t you? You were happy and secure, and you’d been working up to this for weeks now, months. You’d already taken your time, been sensible, made sure everything felt right. You were certain of your feelings, certain of his. Certain of this…relationship.

“Listen,” you began, thinking you should tell him now instead of waiting until the morning when he was rushing to leave. “I called Yeonja this evening. Before I could get us an invite to lunch, she told me her and dad are going on a month-long cruise…”

Seokjin lifted his head, his hair flattened to his forehead comically. “When?”

“Saturday. 3am.” They had to leave that early to make the drive down.

“That messes things up a bit. We can’t tell them the news without them there.”

He successfully managed to make you laugh, the sound wheezing out of you, but you still felt guilty, pushing his hair out of his eyes. “I’m sorry.”

“Hey, it’s not your fault,” he said, stroking your back.

“But if we’d told them sooner…”

He shook his head. “We weren’t ready then.”

Correction: you weren’t ready.

“It’s only a month.”

“I’m going to show up at their door 5 months pregnant,” you snorted.

“Look on the bright side, you’ll have a bump by then.” His grin made you grin, feeling him happily stroke your stomach. He couldn’t wait for you to start showing properly.

You leaned up to kiss him, sandwiching his bottom lip between yours softly. “I told her I wanted to introduce them to someone when they got back. Yeonja was over the moon to find out I have a boyfriend.”

He tilted his head, giving you a slow smile. “A boyfriend? Is that what I am?”

“If you want to be,” you whispered, kissing him again.

He chuckled quietly, rubbing your nose with his. “I think I’m slightly more than that, don’t you think?”

You didn’t need to respond. He was right, it was obvious.

That one month passed by in a blur.

You visited Seokjin’s parents twice more. The first you’d been granted the honour of flipping through three full photo albums of little boy Seokjinie, absolutely in your element, snapping pictures on your phone to show Yuna at a later date. You couldn’t get enough of that cute button nose and those round dark eyes and rosebud lips. Mikyung narrated the story behind every photo, much to Seokjin’s disdain and your delight. Seeing pictures of Seokjin’s parents at the hospital holding a new-born Seokjin in their arms made you feel an indescribable eagerness – and longing – for that moment to happen to you.

The second time, Seokjin’s brother and wife were there too, their two children in tow, who were literally the most adorable children you’d ever met. Jiu was still very young, not yet two, so she was a little unsure upon meeting you, hiding behind her mom on wobbly feet, tugging at her dress, begging to be picked up. Taeoh on the other hand was boisterous and talkative, curious about the stranger in his grandparents’ home. After lunch, he practically dragged you up the stairs to what he called his and Jiu’s ‘Toy Room,’ showing off each car and doll and piece of Lego with pride and enthusiasm.

Soon boring himself, he stood next to where you sat on the worn leather couch, Seokjin by your side. He hovered, moving from one foot to the other, his small hand resting on your thigh as he glanced up at you inquisitively. “My mommy says this is my cousin inside there.” There was just above your bellybutton, a chubby finger poking you softly.

“She’s right,” you laughed just as soft, amused and finding him cute as fuck, his other hand pushing his jet-black hair from his eyes.

“Is it a boy cousin or a girl cousin?”

“We don’t know yet. Would you like us to find out?”

Taeoh nodded enthusiastically, resting is hand on your thigh again. “Yes. ’Cos then I can know if to share my-my cars with them.” He was excited, stuttering slightly as he attempted to get his words out quickly, out of breath and bouncing on his feet.

“Taeoh, I’m sure your baby cousin can play with your cars regardless—I mean, it doesn’t matter,” – Seokjin corrected himself quickly, understanding a five-year old probably wouldn’t know what the word ‘regardless’ meant – “if they’re a boy or girl. You don’t mind what toys you play with, do you? You play with everything.”

“I do,” he agreed. “But-but Jiu doesn’t like my cars. She always throws them and tries to break them.”

“I think that’s just Jiu’s way of playing, buddy,” Seokjin chuckled. “She’s still a baby.”

“No, she’s not!” he argued loudly, jumping. “She’s nearly THIS many!” He started to brandish two fingers around.

“That many,” you gasped, curling an arm around his waist when he tripped into your leg. “And how many are you?”

“Five!” He lifted the rest of his fingers proudly, laughing like it was the funniest thing in the world when Seokjin leaned over to high five him.

Soon enough, he was gazing up at you with the same sparkling eyes Seokjin – and Seokwon, you’d learned today – had. “Can I tell you something, ____?” In the two hours that he’d grown to know you, your name had become his new favourite word. He also said it with that cute kid voice that made everything sound adorable.

“Of course, Taeoh.” You smiled when he started to curl a strand of your hair around his finger. Everything he did, he did carefully.

“My daddy said that babies are made when two people love each other very much.”

Despite your eyes widening a fraction, not expecting the turn in conversation, you managed to nod your head in agreement. “That’s true.”

He could learn when he was much, much older, that making babies was often one of the easiest things to do in the world. Just like you had learned the same not even five months ago.

“But if Jin loves you so much, why-why has it taken this long to meet you?”

You tried not to snort with laughter, instead turning to your more-than-a-boyfriend boyfriend with a smirk. “Jin?” You’d leave the hard questions for him. You were still in training.

“Well,” he began, followed by a comically long pause, obviously racking his brains. “That’s because I didn’t want to share ____ with anyone.”

“Why not?”

“Because I wanted to keep her all to myself.”

“Why?”

“Because I just wanted to.”

“But why?”

You couldn’t help it then, bursting out with laughter. This child would make a great interrogator one day, that was for sure. Taeoh blinked up at you, his lips curling up at the edges, making his cheeks puff out, before he started to laugh too. “Do you find me funny, ____?” he asked happily, beaming when you nodded in agreement.

Much later, after you’d driven back to Seokjin’s apartment and had a late but light dinner, you brought up something that had been niggling in the back of your mind. You’d spend most of the ride home thinking about how you practically had zero experience with children and babies, having spent the ride there, worrying about how you were going to even interact with Seokjin’s niece and nephew. Thankfully, it had all gone well, but you still couldn’t entirely quell your silly doubts.

Both your parents had been only children, so growing up you’d had no aunts or uncles, no cousins. When your siblings had been born you’d been a teenager, and you hadn’t been around all that much. It felt like an eternity ago now. The last baby you’d held was three years ago when you’d met up with a childhood best friend who’d recently given birth. Come November you’d surely be out of your depth, no? You didn’t know anything about feeding babies and changing their diapers, didn’t know what their cries meant, if they sounded different at all.

Or maybe all this worrying was redundant. Maybe an immediate maternal instinct would kick in and you’d magically know everything once your baby was in your arms…

“And you think I’m any better?” Seokjin chuckled once he’d listened to your word-vomit, wrapping his arm around you on the sofa, squeezing your shoulders reassuringly.

“At least you have some experience,” you grumbled.

He paused, thinking. “I still think it’s difficult. Like, relating to kids, having conversations with them…”

“Pfft.” That was hard to believe, he always acted like a big kid when he was with Hoseok and Jungkook. You’d seen it in action multiple times by now.

“Come on, if Taeoh had asked me how babies were made? God knows what I would have said.”

You laughed, remembering back to Taeoh’s incessant questioning. “You handled his grilling very well.” Seokjin’s hum was neither agreeing nor disagreeing, making you smile. “It was nice seeing Uncle Jin in action today. They both love you.”

The quirk of his mouth made a singular dimple appear. “Well, of course, it’s hard not to.”

“I think someone’s very full of themselves,” you snorted, resting your temple on his shoulder.

His returning laughter vibrated through you, but then he kissed the top of your head. “Don’t be nervous, angel. Glob will be different. When they’re born, it’ll just be easy. You’re going to be a great mother.”

His sudden words made you feel choked up, your throat slightly painful, so you said nothing in reply, not trusting yourself to. After a moment, sensing the mood, so attune to your emotions, he joked: “Taeoh absolutely loved you. Did you see him? Couldn’t stop touching you. I’m gonna have to keep my eye on him. A little Mr. Steal Your Girl in the making.”

The moment lightened; a laugh bubbled out of you. “Has he been taking lessons off Jungkook?”

“Hey! Is there something you want to tell me?”

Laughing harder, you lifted your head. When Seokjin kissed you, you closed your eyes and really let yourself feel it, feel him. Three days ago, you’d given him a key to your house for no other reason that it just felt like the next thing to do, the right thing to do. He’d used it for the first time yesterday, exclaiming loudly as he came through the door ‘Honey, I’m home,’ making you laugh like a hyena. You did that a lot around him. Laugh. You teased that he wasn’t even that funny, and you were probably laughing at him most of the time, but he didn’t care about the reason, he told you, he just liked hearing the sound of your happiness.

“You too,” you smiled when he broke away, your words only confusing him. “You too,” you repeated gently, “you’re going to be a great father.”

That took him by surprise, his face flushing briefly before he shook his head and groaned. “Don’t jinx it.”

“Seriously,” you maintained. “If I wasn’t doing this with you, I’d have lost my mind months ago”

You’d lucked out. Majorly. Any other man would have probably left you at that hospital and never looked back.

When Seokjin smiled, you kissed the corner of his mouth. “Thank you.”

“You don’t have to thank me, ____. I’m not doing this out of duty or pity.”

“No, I mean, thank you for breaking that condom and coming inside of me.”

Seokjin’s laughter was loud and unrestrained, delighting you. Just as he liked hearing the sound of your happiness, you liked to hear his too. “It was my pleasure,” he replied. “No seriously, lots and lots of my pleasure…”

It was your turn to laugh loudly then.

At around 18 weeks pregnant, your bump seemed to pop overnight. You’d read about it numerous times but hadn’t quite believed it to be true until it happened to you. One minute there was barely a swell, the next people were giving up their seat to you on the subway, confirming that yes, you were now quite noticeably pregnant. It was around that time you first started to feel belly flutters too. At first, you had mistaken it for gas, just like Dr. Choi had said, a feeling like bubbles popping making you think you needed to give chewing on chillies a rest. Although recently, you’d been craving toast, at all hours of the day. (Just two nights ago, Seokjin had found you making it in his kitchen at 4am.) But back to the flutters, the popping soon morphed into what felt like muscle spasms, and after a brief call with Dr. Choi, she confirmed that what you were experiencing was indeed quickening. It was all very exciting, even for Seokjin who couldn’t feel a thing. However, that didn’t stop him from laying his head against your lower stomach whatever chance he got. All he got though, was to hear your stomach digesting your food…

With the appearance of your bump, Yuna thought it was a good idea to start sending you images and video clips of pregnant people with absolutely mahoosive bumps. The fact skin could stretch that much baffled you, and you felt weak at the knees every time you imagined growing even remotely that big. It didn’t help that Seohyun, Seokjin’s sister-in-law, had let slip about how big Kim babies could get in the womb. You were terrified, and a little irked that Seokjin hadn’t warned you earlier. Seokjin’s brother had been nearly ten pounds being born, while Seokjin had been ‘smaller.’ 8lb 5oz didn’t sound very small to you!

So, because of Yuna and the Kim family, you’d started moisturising your bump like holy hell. You needed to maintain your skin’s elasticity as much as possible. Stretch marks didn’t upset you, you were no stranger to them already, but actually splitting open did. Scrap that, upsetting you wasn’t the correct word, it was downright haunting you, nightmares in the middle of the night style. Seokjin was a big fan of ‘moisturising time’ as he liked to call it. At first, you’d roped him into helping you rub the cream into your lower back, but now he pretty much did everywhere. 9 out of ten times it ended in sex. Seokjin blamed it on all the touching. Every time he touched your bare skin in practically any capacity at all, he “popped a boner like some horny teenager.” (His eloquent words, not yours.)

Tonight had been much the same. You’d shared a Ghost moment, but instead of helping you make pottery, Seokjin had rubbed moisturiser into your stomach from behind, all while his very erect penis had pressed against your lower back… In general, Seokjin loved to touch and hold your belly during sex, even more so now that you were showing. His favourite way to have you was either from behind or spooning, he had the best grip that way. Tonight it was the latter. Pumping into you steadily, his ragged breath in your ear, his palm on your stomach, firm and warm, stroking up, then down, repeating. You couldn’t lie, when he touched you like this it felt so intimate.

You moaned, twisting so you could kiss him, your mouth knocking against his chin before he righted it, matching your moan when your fingers twisted through his thick hair. “I’m close,” he admitted, voice tight. Slowly, his hand travelled down between your legs and he caught your clit between his knuckles, rubbing it with the pad of his thumb. You jerked, the pleasure acute and intense, your walls clenching around him. His grunt as he started to spill inside you encouraged your own orgasm, clit pulsing along with his motions, before his hand found its way against your stomach again, holding you against his chest as you both came to and caught your breath.

When you came back after peeing, Seokjin was still in the same position, lifting his arm so you could snuggle back against him, kissing the back of your neck with a happy noise, spooning once again. This was your favourite place to be, in his humungous bed, sharing his body warmth, the smell of his skin, the feel of his hair tickling your face.

“Does the fact you got me pregnant turn you on?” Your question was random and loud, taking him by surprise.

“What?” It amused you greatly to know his first reaction was to deny it. You said nothing in response, waiting for him. Finally, he relented, mumbling into your shoulder. “I-I don’t know…Yes…?”

“Why are you embarrassed?” you laughed. “Tell me what’s hot about it.” You grabbed his hand, placed it over your stomach again, relishing in the warmth. “Come on, I’m curious.”

Seokjin lifted up on his elbow, looking down at you in mild confusion, but he knew you well enough now to know that you wouldn’t be letting this go. “Well…” he began, running his palm up a little, resting it just under your breasts. He rubbed his jaw against your cheek, his weekend stubble feeling good. (But it would feel even better against your thighs…) “Other than the fact I find you absolutely gorgeous like this…”

You grinned, distracted enough to not notice at first that he’d trailed off and gotten embarrassed again. “And…?” you prompted, eager for more.

He settled back down, groaning against your neck. “I don’t know, it’s just—I did that. I got you pregnant.” You waited for more patiently. “I never thought it was something I’d be into. Well, I didn’t give it much thought before, didn’t need to…but…” His hand moved to your stomach again, fingertips pressing in slightly. “You’re carrying my baby inside of you.”

The way he said it sent a shiver up your spine, your nipples hardening. You opened your mouth, which was now dry, to say something, anything, but he wasn’t done.

“I think about it every time I come.”

His voice was deep, husky, and you felt your stomach swoop, suddenly hot all over.

“I sound creepy as fuck,” he groaned again, hiding his face against your shoulder,

“Not creepy,” you insisted with a small laugh. You were turned on all over again.

“Really?” He sounded doubtful.

“No. Just…alpha?”

You couldn’t think of a better word, suddenly reminded of all those cringy alpha male books you’d come across over the years. However, call you biased, you didn’t care, hearing Seokjin say those kind of things was hot. If it was someone called Landon from Her Alpha King, or something equally as cliché, you would have been gagging.

“Alpha?” He asked all confused. “Like…wolves?”

“I guess,” you laughed. “You sound like some alpha male.”

“That doesn’t sound like me at all.”

“No,” you agreed. “You’re too soft and sweet.”

“I’m not soft!”

“You are right now,” you teased, reaching behind you to cup his flaccid dick, squeezing gently.

He nudged his hips, voice low in your ear. “Give it a minute.”

“Again?!”

“Yes. This wolf can go all night, baby!”

He had you on your back and was on top of you in an instant, growling and snapping at your neck, and you shrieked loudly, absolutely mortified, but finding it hilarious all the same.

“Oh shit, sorry!”

At the sound of Yoongi’s voice, you and Seokjin broke apart, both feeling a little awkward at having been caught. Although, what did you expect, kissing outside your work building for all to see?

“It’s all right,” you managed to say, smiling at Yoongi over Seokjin’s shoulder.

“Yeah, it’s fine,” Seokjin chuckled, turning slightly to address him too. “I have to go, I’m late already.”

Seokjin had treated you to lunch, an early celebration because come this time tomorrow, you’d know if you were having a son or daughter!

“Surely the boss doesn’t need to worry about his timekeeping,” Yoongi joked, earning him a laugh.

Seokjin turned back to you as Yoongi walked towards the door, hanging back so you could walk to the office together. “I’ll see you later,” you smiled.

“Sure. Bye. Bye, Globby.” He bent, lightly brushing his lips against your bump, making you giggle. When he straightened up, his hand running down your side as he did so, he nodded to Yoongi. “Nice seeing you, Yoongi.”

“You too. See you.”

You waved Seokjin goodbye before he turned around and started to walk down the street, then turned to walk inside, you and Yoongi both greeting the security guard. You were still feeling a little awkward, but it was probably all in your head. Yoongi seemed unbothered by the interaction, letting you enter the elevator first before he pressed the button for Artkive’s floor. You were all adults after all, and it had been over two months since what happened had happened. Yoongi was doing great now, that much was obvious. (But you’d also gotten some details out of Namjoon discreetly, just to make sure.) There was no need to feel uncomfortable every time you, he and Seokjin were in the same vicinity together. Yoongi obviously didn’t.

“You seem really happy,” he said unexpectedly, pulling you out of your thoughts. “I’m glad.”

You looked over, smiling to mask your surprise. “We’re finding out whether Globby is a boy or a girl tomorrow,” you explained. Unsure if he’d meant you looked happy today, or you looked happy in general. You assumed it was the latter, but if you were being honest, you didn’t know if you wanted to have that kind of conversation.

“That’s tomorrow?” he asked, rolling with it. “Excited?”

You nodded. “I didn’t think I would be actually. Seokjin and I weren’t too fussed, but we’re starting to get curious now. We don’t think we can hold out another twenty weeks.” You were babbling, any chance to talk about your pregnancy, and stopped yourself as soon as you realised.

Over the past four weeks, you’d gone back and forth with the decision. Taeoh was obviously very eager to know what cousin he would be getting, Seokjin’s mom too, beyond excited to find out if she’d be having a second grandson or second granddaughter. Yuna was also pretty enthusiastic, needing to know for “wedding purposes.” For you and Seokjin, it hadn’t mattered so much. You would be happy either way, loving your child all the same regardless, now and in the future. But, as time went on, you’d started to change your minds on the surprise element. You had halfway to go, and the curiosity might start getting to you both as time went on. There was no harm in finding out whether you’d be having a son or daughter, you’d ultimately decided. In fact, it would make you feel even more excited. You could agree on a name for one, even if the thought of ceasing the nickname Glob made you sad.

In the past, when Seokjin had imagined his family, he’d told you he’d pictured a daughter first, so his son could have an older sister. When you were a teenager, envisioning your future life, it had been your dream to have one of each too. But then again, wasn’t it everyone’s? Regardless, it was a nice feeling anyway, to imagine having a second child later on down the line, creating a family unit with Seokjin. Sometimes you daydreamed about it during workhours…

“Neither can the office,” Yoongi laughed, once again tugging you out of your reverie. You stepped out of the elevator together. “I’ve put down twenty on Glob being a girl.”

You shook your head, laughing. You’d chosen not to partake in the office betting pool when the sheet had been passed around from desk to desk. What’s more, the idea had been Namjoon’s… (He was convinced Glob would be a boy.)

“Care to share in advance?” Yoongi suggested hopefully, head tilted. “Just so I know if I’ll have to part with my cash come Monday.”

“I’ll text you,” you agreed, laughing once more as you entered the office.

“Woah, look at you!” Dr. Choi exclaimed as Seokjin held the door open for you to step inside her office first.

“Definitely looks pregnant now,” Seokjin laughed happily, an attentive hand on your lower back as you made your way over to sit.

You thought the white dress you were wearing seemed to emphasise your bump more, and you liked it that way. You’d spent five minutes before you left admiring yourself in the full-length mirror, grinning at your reflection, before snapping a picture and sending it to Yuna with the following emojis: 🤰🤩😍. Her response? Looking like a motherfucking MILF 🔥 Globby’s mom is hot AF 🥵

“How are you finding it?” Dr. Choi asked with a kind smile, placing your maternity records on the desk.

“Honestly? Really good for the most part. I’ve got some backache, but it’s not terrible at the moment. I’ve started getting heartburn” – you pulled a face – “which isn’t fun, but it’s not too often. Um…” You trailed off, trying to think. Your sex drive was as high as ever right now, but you weren’t exactly going to tell Dr. Choi that, TMI, but also, it was hardly a bad thing. You couldn’t remember a time when you’d had this much sex. You couldn’t keep your hands off one another.

“Sleeping well?” she prompted.

“I can’t sleep on my stomach anymore, which isn’t a big deal because I don’t do it very often, but sometimes I wake myself up because I’m shifting into that position in my sleep.”

“What about fidgeting?” Seokjin asked, surprising you. “____ likes to move around a lot in her sleep.”

Dr. Choi blinked, her eyebrows lifting, and then laughed. “I don’t know if that’s a symptom of pregnancy, Jin. Maybe just an existing habit.”

“Definitely,” you agreed with a laugh, feeling oddly happy by Seokjin’s indication. You were a fidgeter, tossing and turning around in your sleep, hogging blankets, kicking shins, while Seokjin seemed to stay in exactly the same position all throughout the night. It had taken you both a little while to adjust to sharing a bed, but you did it so often these days, it was barely an issue. (Especially if you were sleeping in Seokjin’s bed.)

“Sleeping on your side is best from here on in – left, if possible,” Dr. Choi continued. “It’s good for circulation, helps get optimum blood flow to baby. Any vivid or strange dreams lately? That can be quite common now. You’ll notice you remember more.”

“A few, I guess,” you replied, mentally laughing when you remembered the one you’d had a few nights ago, where you’d given birth to RJ the mascot, whatever that meant.

Before you got started with the ultrasound, Dr. Choi informed you of a few more things, giving you tips on stretches to prevent leg cramp, and informing that from here on in, your feet might soon start to swell. You should rest them up whenever possible, and Seokjin even joked that he was on hand for foot massages whenever you demanded them. She also gave you a brief rundown of things that Glob had been up to these past couple of weeks. Right now, they were around the size of a banana, probably weighing around 10 ounces, and had learned the sucking reflex. If you were lucky, you might be able to get an image of them sucking their thumb! They had also developed regular sleep/wake cycles and quickening should be becoming more noticeable now. It was!

When you found yourself on the examination table once again, the light in the room virtually gone so the ultrasound could be seen properly, the nerves started to kick in. This ultrasound was a very big deal, not just because it was the one that would allow you to find out the sex of your baby, but because it would allow you to see every single part of Glob – inside and out. With the anatomy scan, Dr. Choi would be making sure that everything was okay and developing and growing properly. Like this, it was easy to remember how fearful you were of medical settings, but with Seokjin by your side, holding your clammy hand, you told yourself it was all right.

Dr. Choi started taking measurements and pointing out all the different parts that made up your baby. Because Glob wasn’t fully formed yet, you were able to see all their organs, which made this appointment so vital, and it amazed the two of you so much. You watched the screen in awe. You were able to see their brain hemispheres, their spine, the lenses of their eyes, the chambers of their heart, the kidneys… and their sex organs. Glob was awake and very active, wriggling about, waving their hands, kicking their feet, rolling over, but thankfully, they managed to stay still long enough to determine whether they were a boy or a girl.

“Ok. Ready?” Dr. Choi asked, smiling over at you both. You took a deep breath, sharing a look with Seokjin before you nodded. Dr. Choi kept smiling and then said: “You’re having a daughter, congratulations.”

Your head shot back over to Seokjin, the both of you wide-eyed as you stared at one another and made practically soundless gasping noises. “A girl!” he said happily, leaning in to kiss you. You squeezed his hand with both of yours, feeling too overwhelmed to respond. But you could tell you were grinning hard with how your cheeks had started to ache. You looked back at the screen, listening eagerly when Dr. Choi started to explain and point out why she was certain Glob was a girl.

You were still astonished though, even as she finished up, not quite taking everything she was saying in as she spoke about the biometry and listened to the heartbeat.

“Everything is well. Baby girl, is doing wonderful. She’s developing perfectly. Everything is okay with you,” Dr. Choi explained reassuringly, and it was at that point, you realised you were crying a little. Your cheeks damp.

You didn’t really understand why; you would have still been this happy if you’d learned you were having a boy, but it was more so to do with the fact that you now knew your baby – your daughter – was very healthy and developing as she should.

She.

Everything felt so much more real, which was ludicrous, because it had felt real before now, but it was just the way you felt. You were one step closer to meeting…her. One step closer to becoming a mother.

Seokjin was just as happy, wrapping his arm around you once you sat up, and as you looked at him, you noticed his tearful eyes. You tilted your chin to place a kiss on his mouth.

You left the doctor’s office that day with enough images to fill a photo album.

*Bonus texts with Yoongi*

You can keep your twenty

Yoongi 6:23pm Really?! Phew, that was my last until payday Congrats ____ 😁

Thank you :)

Yoongi 6:26pm So which was it? Glob for a boy? Globby for a girl?

Actually it’s the opposite 😅

Yoongi 6:27pm I think Globbina is the better choice

That’s so pretty… Let’s see if it gets Seokjin’s seal of approval

Yoongi 6:30pm Fingers crossed

Written 2022. Please refrain from posting my work elsewhere. No translations allowed. © floralseokjin 2022

#seokjin fanfic #seokjin smut #bts fanfic #bts smut #fic:9mtfil #floralseokjin:writings

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johnslittlespoon · 5 days

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you're a dog (i'm your man) ch4 update !! <3

DON'T QUOTE ME ON THIS because knowing me, i could dream up a whole new scene to try and squeeze in, buttt it's looking like i'll hopefully get chapter four done by the end of this week ahhh <33 if i say it out loud surely it'll make me hold myself accountable LOL

working title and a timeline hint sorta kinda:

'How Long Do I Have Left With My Dog?'

this one has been emotion heavy (and some of those emotions are quite fitting for the month we're in lmaoo i know what you are gale cleven) and hard to write bc i'm much more a dialogue over internal thought writer, but i hope it does the boys justice and makes the timeline progression filler feel less filler–y <3

also gonna be the longest chapter yet– already passed the 5k word threshold, guessing it'll be closer to 7k oopsie. thank youuu for the patience as always while i've been a sickly victorian man on my death bed SDGKJS appreciate it so so much :')

i'm SOOO excited for what i have planned for ch5, it's motivating me to wade thru the 'less fun' (read: angst) parts of ch4 because there are some scenes coming up that i've had planned in my head since before i even decided to make this fic into anything other than a collection of dog–coded oneshots <33

there's a scene i think i briefly drabbled about here back in like. february. that will slot into ch5 (or 6 if i have to split it up again lmfao) and it's crazy to see my shit come so full circle AND TO SEE HOW LONG DOG CODED BUCKY HAS HAD ME IN A CHOKEHOLD. embarrassing truly!!! wtf. i love these boys

ok that's my little (long) updateee, thank you again for putting up with my slow updates and replies and lack of brainrot lately <3 hope ur having a lovely pride month so far!!

#dog coded bucky fic #title is from one of my favourite songs in the whole world that i've been working on a buckbucky edit for for weeks lol #might try and time finishing the edit with the posting of ch4 so they can kinda link together in a way <3 #also hate to get sappy but man i am so. so. thankful to have this fic to focus on #it's getting me thru my least favourite time of year and gives me something to get out of bed for and i know it's 'just fic'#and i know i say that phrase a lot. i shouldn't actually!! bc fanfic is important and special. so my bad JSDKG #but anyway this fic is so dear to my heart and i feel so grateful that i get to muse and brainrot and pour myself into it rn <3 #and even more grateful to be able to make anyone feel anything with it! dog coded bucky in my heart 4 ever fr fr #johnslittlespoon yaps

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btskitten7 · 10 months

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Silent Grace| vi: The (half) Truth

Ship: Min Yoongi x Fem reader

au/genre: Mafia!au

rating: M

wc: 4.6k

Chapter warnings: drug mention; stalking; period talk with Seokjin(lmfao); lovers fighting:(; setups.

summary: Yoongi's guilt is eating him alive and Hoseok can't leave well enough alone. Yoongi finally opens up to you but how honest can he be?

tagss: @shadowyjellyfishfest @baechugff @maunosorioh @shelylamc @princess-sunshyn @scuzmunkie @wanceu @coldcoffee2121 @maunosorioh

Once Hoseok gave Jimin and Yongbok the go to pursue you, he went straight into action. Only hours ago but he decided to waste no time. “Felix” Jimin called out as he entered the male's working quarters.

Yongbok stood to his feet in attention “Yes sir?” Jimin chuckled cringing at Yongbok’s “sir”.

“I’m not Taehyung nor am I Hoseok. I don’t like the power trip titles and if we want Miss Nurse to believe we’re related, you should get used to just calling me Jimin.”

Yongbok’s cheeks flushed red. He had always been so respectful regardless of age. Even though Jimin, Hoseok, and Taeyung weren’t that much older than him, he always felt a sense of authority when it came to them. He looked up to them, he wanted to be just like them. He wanted to follow in their footsteps. So whatever they needed him to do, he’d do it with no questions asked. Even if it was to go against his own family.

“I’m sorry si-Jimin. It’s just hard. I respect you guys.”

“I know. But for me, respect is showing loyalty. No matter what. You’ve done that. You already have my respect. It’s why we’ve taken you under our wing. We see potential in you,” Jimin started as he placed all the things he’d gathered about you on the table, including the photo of you and Yoongi which caught Yongbok’s eye instantly.

“That’s the nurse that helped you that one night. Who is she to Yoongi?” he asked remembering the night perfectly. He wasn’t there but he was watching the cameras. When he got word that something happened to Jimin, he instantly figured out what hospital he was at and acquired access to the cameras.

“She’s someone close to Yoongi. She’s his girlfriend or wife, whatever Yoongi decides he wants to call her.” Jimin said looking at the photo that lay in Yongbok’s hands.

“She must know a lot about their plans then if he’s willing to let her be this open. Although a small part of me doesn’t believe that she knows anything at all.”

Jimin hummed, “You think so? Why do you say that?”

“Because, ever since boss had me watch her for you guys, I’ve been studying her persona. She wouldn’t hurt a fly nor be a mob boss’s queen. I’ve watched her care for the worst criminals random people and kids to one of our own. She doesn’t treat anyone differently. She cared for you with the same respect. If she had known and was okay with it, she wouldn’t stay in the medical field. Yoongi would have had her be their personal medic.”

Jimin chuckled and nodded in agreement “You impress me sometimes, Felix.”

“But that’s what we think as well. I’m just too sure why Hoseok is interested in her all of a sudden. We’ve only been back from Korea for a year and he’s back on Yoongi’s trace. Yoongi already told us not to show our faces on his side of town and here we are.” Jimin sighed.

“We should trust the boss. He always knows what he’s doing. He’s the boss for a reason.”

Jimin could argue with that. He trusted Hoseok but it just wasn’t like him to be secretive about something like this. Especially about Yoongi. He had hardly said anything about him after all this time but now, he’s all he can talk about? Jimin felt that you were just an excuse.

“I trust him, of course. There is no questioning that. Back to the task at hand though. How much have you found about her from what you gathered.” Jimin asked sitting on Yongbok’s desk. He quickly pulled up every single file he had on you.

“It’s not much but it confirms what we think about her. She’s as innocent as they come. The only thing she has record-wise is a speeding ticket which was wiped clean. Turns out, she was following the flow of traffic and had no choice but to keep up with the car in front of her and behind her. So the judge let it go. But other than that, she lives up to her nurse status. She graduated top 10 of her class. All A’s. She isn’t rich but her family is well off in middle class. Her father is a manager for idols and her mother owns a small bakery. She has two siblings. Both of them moved to the States but they come here frequently to visit.” Felix explained flipping through different screens on his tablet that connected to the multiple TV screens that were plastered on his wall. Jimin looked at every bit of detail closely.

“Her name is Yn. The only thing I can’t seem to confirm is whether or not she’s Yoongi’s girlfriend or wife. It’s always been hard to find much of anything concerning Yoongi so I didn’t expect to find anything new.” Yongbok Continued. Jimin nodded before pondering on your name a little more.

“No.no this is good. It’s a good place to start. We know where she works, we’ve studied her hours, we know enough. Check and see when she goes back to work, we should start this as soon as we can.”

Yongbok nodded. He sat his tablet on the table before sitting in his desk chair. His fingers danced against his glowing keyboard and his eyes were peering through his black locks that rested slightly over his eyes, focusing on the screens before him.

“I should have it in the next 30 minutes.”

“Good. In the meantime, we should also have one of our soldiers gain some type of access to the hospital at all times for when we can’t. They could keep an eye on things while we aren’t able to.” Jimin added as he lifted off of the male’s desk and dusted his clothes off.

“I’ll work on that as well. I’ll have someone start today so it doesn’t raise too much awareness”

Jimin hummed “Perfect. I shall return. Also,” he started “see if you can look up her high school records.”

Jimin headed out of the office and down the hall, nodding to the passing soldiers as they greeted him. Jimin stopped “Hey Mingi,” he started “go see Yongbok, tell him you’d be perfect for the job”

Jimin didn’t stick around long enough to hear what response the kid had, he didn’t care if he was honest. If the kid knew what was best for him, he’d be at that door already.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Something wasn’t sitting right with you after your call with Yoongi. You couldn’t put your finger on it but you knew, just something wasn’t right. Things are just…not adding up to you anymore. From his office having a digital lock on it, to Yoongi’s unusual outburst about a random guy, and now he’s drunk calling you begging you to tell him that you loved him.

You were still lost in thought, you didn’t even notice Seokjin standing in front of you.

“Uh, Yn?” He called out breaking you out of your train of thought.

“O-Oh! Hey Jin! Good Morning. How’d you sleep?” You asked with a cheery voice causing Seokjin to chuckle. He wholeheartedly can see why Yoongi fell for you. He understood why Yoongi wanted to keep you desperately.

He would too.

“I didn’t get much sleep last night. I had some work to take care of. Did you sleep okay?” He responds as he grabs a coffee mug from the cabinet.

“You should take a break sometime. You can run yourself out if you all keep going like this.” You sighed before taking a sip of your coffee. “But I slept pretty good until..” you started trailing off.

You hadn’t noticed it but Seokjin’s attention turned to you instantly. He had long forgotten about his coffee. While Yoongi was away it was his responsibility to make sure you were entirely safe. He’d hate himself if something happened to you and he was unaware or worse you found out something.

More than that though, Yoongi would probably go psychotic if that happened.

“Did something happen? Why didn’t you come get me?” Seokjin replied protectively which almost surprised you.

“It wasn’t something I thought I had to disturb you for. It’s nothing serious. I promise, I just thought started my cycle” You held back a chuckle seeing Seokjin’s expression change from a serious one to a more nervous one.

“O-oh y-yeah. Maybe you shouldn’t uh… yeah maybe I should be left out of that type of thing-” He stuttered.

“I mean if you are interested to know, I don’t mind giving you a heads up” You joked. Seokjin shook his head immediately.

“No, no, no. I think that’s something only Yoongi should know. You can gladly never tell me about that type of thing” He chuckled nervously.

“I’m just teasing. I would never.” You laughed. “But I do..have a question about something if you don’t mind me asking?”

Seokjin took a sip of his now lukewarm coffee and nodded. “What’s that?”

“When you guys go on your trips for work, do you guys have off time?” You asked.

“Not really. The only time we have ‘off’ is when we are eating or sleeping. If we don’t have anything more to do there, Yoongi’s pretty restless to get back to you. Unless there’s a day in between two work days, we just do work and come right back home.” Seokjin admitted.

“Ah..” you started. “So you guys don’t go out drinking much either?”

Seokjin shook his head. “Hardly ever. We don’t have time for those types of things and I don’t like going out to drink when I can do it at home. Yoongi and Namjoon think the bars are too loud. We are nothing like how we were when we were teens.” Seokjin chuckled.

You glanced at him with a blank stare. Now you were positive something else was going on.

“I’m going to call Yoongi, I’ll be right back,” You said grabbing your phone and heading out of the kitchen, leaving Seokjin with his coffee.

You dashed up the stairs and into your room, closing the door and catching the attention of the nearby maids. Kai included. You dialed Yoongi’s number and paced the floor.

You weren’t mad, you didn’t care if went out or not. You needed to know why his behavior has been so odd lately. Your mind began thinking the worst. You’ve seen things like this in the movies that Yoongi hated to watch with you. Once your partner starts acting off and gets mad for no real reason, they usually are already seeing someone else. Odd, but you couldn’t deny the signs. Finally, Yoongi answered after the second ring.

“Hey Blossom, we’re headed home now-”

“What happened last night?” You got straight to the point no matter how much hearing his voice gave you butterflies.

“What are you talking about? I told you,” he said sternly but still sweetly.

“I’m serious.”

Yoongi grew quiet. He was a little confused more than anything and didn’t know how to address this. He was in the car with Namjoon, Namjoon’s father and his father. All eyes were on him the moment he answered the phone and said ‘blossom’

“I’ll be home in a moment. I will talk to you then.” He said calmly.

“No...I can’t until then. I want to know now. What happened? What did you do last night to make you call me drunk off your ass?” you demanded an answer.

Yoongi pinched the bridge of his nose as his father chuckled.

“I said, I will talk to you when I get home,” Yoongi said trying his best not to allow his father to piss him off to where it’ll make you think he was talking to you.

“Yoongi no. Are you seeing someone else? What is going-”

“YN,” he raised his voice shocking everyone who heard. He decided to ignore the fact that you would jump to that conclusion so quickly. Especially when he has never given you a reason to think something like that. Yoongi sighed hearing your breath hitch a bit. “I will talk to you later.”

You didn’t say anything more, you just hung up the phone.

Yoongi looked at his phone which now displayed his wallpaper of you and him, sighing. He locked his phone and placed it back into his pocket.

Namjoon knew not to ask anything about that at this moment but the fathers could care less.

“I thought you didn’t care about Yn?” Namjoon's father joked.

“No no Kim, remember? He said she doesn’t excite him” Min chuckled to which Kim chuckled and nodded. “Ahh, right.”

Yoongi couldn’t deal with his father any longer.

“Pull the fucking car over,” Yoongi said to which his driver obliged. Min chuckled again.

“Don’t tell me the big boss-to-be is going to leave his car?” Min taunted his son. Yoongi shared the same chuckle with a dark grin.

“Of course not, father. I’m not the one that’s leaving” He lifted his dark eyes to his father. “You two are”

Namjoon’s eyes widen at Yoongi’s boldness. Both Kim’s and MIn’s chuckles ceased

“I played your game. I did what you asked. I got the deal done and as far as I’m concerned that didn’t include my driver being your Uber. One or two things can happen. You can stay and shut the fuck up or you can keep talking and get the fuck out. I’ll accede however you want to continue. How about you Namjoon?” Yoongi turned to Namjoon speaking calmly and hardly phased by their reactions.

“I’m right behind you boss” He smirked.

“You can’t be fucking serious? Do you know who you’re talking to?” Kim snapped.

“Yes sir, I do. The former boss of the Min family. As far as I’m concerned.” He shrugged.”I no longer have to worry about him or the bullshit that comes out of his mouth.”

Min chuckled and nodded.

He didn’t like being disrespected, especially not by his own son but he couldn’t help but be proud of his son. He knew that his father would be proud of the king he created.

“No, no Kim. It’s alright. He’s right. In a few months, he doesn’t have to worry about me or anything I say. I will no longer be the boss. But let’s make something very clear. Yoongi” Min said with a crooked smile.

“I may not be boss and I may not own you anymore-”

“You never owned me. Let’s make that clear.” Yoongi snapped.

“But I created you LET’S NEVER…forget that,” he said leaning forward. “You would be nothing if it wasn’t for me and your grandfather.”

The tension was rising between the father and son. It was getting harder for Yoongi to play along in his father’s game. He was able to bite his tongue about his life being chosen for him, he ignored it when it came to his mother, but he draws the line with you. They all knew what would come from this life. They knew the outcome no matter how ‘good’ one was or how many allies one had. You didn’t. You didn’t have a choice in this life just like him and Namjoon. The only difference is they knew they had no choice, you didn’t know you had one. Yoongi couldn’t stand the power trip his father had. It sickened him. He walks around as if he owns it all.

The fucked up part is that he does.

He blamed no one for his father’s behavior but his grandfather.

Yoongi hated his grandfather. Even before he understood what his father was doing. His grandfather never showed his love for anyone. Not even now, on his deathbed.

“I’ll always be your father. We will always be blood. And whether or not you like it…,” he smirked “You’re just like me. You’re just like your grandfather. You can never get rid of us”

Yoongi’s eyes never faltered but he cringed at the thought of being his father. Min nodded toward Kim.

“Let’s go, Kim. Oh and son just some fatherly advice,” he said opening the door, “You might want to watch those you allow so close to you. You may not think I don’t know everything but there’s always someone willing to fill me in. If I were you...I’d hurry and tell ‘Blossom’ who she’s sleeping next to. You don’t want someone to…spill the beans as they say. Have a good day Son. Namjoon”

The two men left the car without a word more. Yoongi rolled his eyes and looked at his driver.

“Take us home.”

Thirty Minutes later, Yoongi entered his home and headed straight to his room to greet you. He didn’t cognizance anyone else. He was focused on you.

Once entering the room you were leaving the bathroom, completely ignoring him. He reached out and grabbed your waist, stopping you in place. You moved from his grip and continued on your way. He wasn’t having your attitude either. Yoongi gripped your waist again but this time he pinned you against the wall and looked directly into your eyes. He couldn’t help but notice the water dripping from your hair and down your body.

“You wanted to talk. So let’s talk. What on God’s green Earth do you think I could be doing with anyone when I’m not here? When every moment I have of free time I’m either with you or talking to you. For fuck sake, even when I’m working I’m still talking to you when I am able” He asked almost disrespected that you would question him like that.

“You’re being weird! Your behavior from a couple of weeks ago to last night with the drunk calls and texts. This isn’t like you! You were on a work trip but you go and get shit-faced. You’ve never done that! Not even when we go out together. You hardly have a drink if we go out and you regulate mine. I even asked Seokjin. He said you guys don’t go out when you go on these trips but all of a sudden you go out and get drunk like that? At first, that call worried me but now I’m starting to wonder if that’s your guilt eating at you about something!” You admitted.

Yoongi’s eyes softened with a soft sigh. He dropped his hands to his side and took a step back. She’s right. His guilt is eating him alive but it’s not about him messing around with someone else.

“Blossom…why would I ever cheat on you? Does that make any sense? I came home when at the time I told you. I never not answer your calls or texts unless I’m working which even then I still get back to you. The only time I don’t is when I’m either driving or talking to my father. You’re my entire world, my entire universe. Why would I do anything like that to hurt you? I want to marry you one day-” Yoongi’s eyes went wide as your head snapped up to look at him.

“Y-you want to what?” You stuttered.

Yoongi’s cheeks flushed red before gaining his composure.

“I-I want to marry you.”

After talking with Kai and Seokjin after the fight, he came to that conclusion after some thought.

~~~~~~~~~

After talking with you, Kai was furious.

She loved Yoongi as if he was her own. She helped his mother raise him when Min was away. She vowed to stay with him until she couldn’t anymore. She was going to do everything in her power to ensure two things. That Yoongi got his happiness and…he never became anything like Min.

She watched Yoongi come in that night and go to his office. She decided not to say anything to him then, But the next morning she asked to speak to Yoongi as soon as possible.

“What were you thinking?” Kai semi-yelled.

Yoongi and Seokjin hung their heads low avoiding Kai’s gaze.

They hated to get scolded by Kai, even when they were younger. She was motherly and sweet, but her motherly side was scary. It probably scared them more than standing in front of death itself. It was all out of love though.

“I wasn’t…” Yoongi mumbled.

“Clearly. Yn didn’t deserve that. She was heartbroken in that room.” Kai added.

That broke Yoongi. He knew he had done some damage, Yn was still closed off from him this morning. He didn’t expect everything to go back to normal but he didn’t like you being standoffish with him.

“I know Hoseok left a bad taste in your mouth since that night but Yn has no idea about any of that.” Kai sighed.

“I have to agree boss,” Seokjin started, “I told you the moment you decided to pursue this relationship. You can either give her a choice or choose for her. You’ve chosen for her. I told you before things get serious, you need to tell her what her destiny is if she decides to be with you. Here we are lying about everything to accommodate you. Granted, you are the boss and we will follow what you say, but I’m worried that the outcome is going to be a greater loss, than a gain.”

Yoongi couldn’t face either one of them now. He knows they are right.

“You’re right. I should have said something a long time ago but I didn’t think I was going to fall in love with her. I thought after a few months we’d be done and just friends, but here I am years later utterly obsessed with her. I can’t see my life without her. I don’t want to.” Yoongi admitted.

“You may have too.” Kai sighed Yoongi looked at Kai with sad but understanding eyes.

“You need to tell her everything or at the very least what you truly do on these ‘work meetings’,” Seokjin sighed “We know you love her, you’re in love with her. But if you truly love her..you’d tell her before she finds out. Worse if Hoseok or your father decides to tell her.”

Yoongi sat back on the couch, fumbling the small black box in his hands.

“I want to marry her. I want to have a family with her.” He whispers as tears begin to fall down his cheeks.

“Then be honest with her. Start with Hoseok.”

~~~~~~~~~~

“You do? Really?”

Yoongi saw the sparkle in your eyes, he loved that. His being the cause of that made him happy.

“Why do you sound so surprised?” He chuckles.

“Because you don’t talk about things like that and you’re acting weird. I don’t know” You blushed. Yoongi chuckled and wrapped his arms around your waist, giving you a sweet kiss on your lips.

“I’m sorry about that. It’s just that... I want to keep it for a long time, forever if I can. I don’t know what I’ll do if I lose you.” Yoongi sighed rubbing your waist. “And I can’t believe that I found someone I want to get married to. I find myself daydreaming about us having a family and you being pregnant taking our kids to school and shit like that.” Yoongi chuckled which made you giggle “It was just weird for me too.”

“That's cute that you think about things like that.” You smiled. “When did you want something like this to happen?”

“Like yesterday.” Yoongi snorted which caused you to laugh again.

“But I know there’s some things we need to talk about..”

“Oh?” you tilted your head “Like what?”

Yoongi sat down as he pulled you closer to him, sitting you on his lap.

“The reason why I’ve been so on edge is because..someone from my past has popped up again. We have a long history. He was my best friend.” he started.

“That’s a good thing, right? You should invite him over to rekindle” You said playing with the loose strans that framed Yoongi’s face. He sighed shaking his head.

“We aren’t on good terms and I don’t want to rekindle anything. He…hurt me…deeply. A hurt that can never be forgotten. His name is Hoseok.”

You frown softly as Yoongi’s eyes start to water. You gently took Yoongi’s hands into yours, rubbing them softly before bringing them to your lips and kissing them. You can tell that whatever this ‘friend’ did hurt Yoongi and it made sense why it would make him feel on edge with their return.

“What did they do? Were you able to forgive them?”

“We were all so close. It was always Hoseok, Namjoon, and Seokjin, two of our other friends, and I. Every day we would meet up after school since Seokjin, Namjoon, and I went to different schools than us. We would write songs together, dance together, play ball…just have a good time overall. They were the people I was closest to. When I was in school talking to you, I was with them. But that all changed when he set my brother up and didn’t take responsibility for him getting hurt. He had the nerve to blame me for it. All because I would go along with his unreasonable plan. He’s the reason neither of my brothers will speak to me and they are no longer around. My brothers and our other friends decided to stick with him while Seokjin and Namjoon stuck with me. I had never experienced pain like that. I don’t think I ever healed from it either. I think I just like to pretend none of them exist.” Yoongi’s deep voice cracked speaking about his past. “He betrayed us but yet my brothers still chose to go with him. It’s why I don’t allow myself to get close to anyone these days.”

Your heart sank. You always knew Yoongi had two brothers but you found it odd when they would never come to any family functions or why his father pretended Yoongi was his only son.

“O-oh baby…I’m so sorry. Your brothers… do they still communicate with your parents at least?” you asked.

“My father disowned them. He will never talk to them again. My mother still talks to them every once in a while but she never talks about it. She knows how upset it makes my father. They haven’t been back in Korea in years. With this old friend back, it’s only a matter of time before they come around as well”

Yoongi knows he should go deeper. But just this alone was too much for him. How could he possibly talk about something that could make him lose someone else? You cupped your hands on each side of his face before kissing his forehead sweetly.

“I’m sorry for not asking what was going on and just assuming the worst. I couldn’t even imagine something like that happening to me. But..” you started as you lifted Yoongi’s face to look in his eyes. He lifted his glossy eyes to meet yours with his hands wrapping around your waist.

“You don’t have to keep yourself hidden from me…I want every part of you. No matter what. I’ll always be by your side.”

The tears ran down Yoongi’s face like a river stream. Hearing you say those words meant a lot to him. It served him a great deal of comfort even if he knew all that could change once he told you.

“Would you still love me if I was a monster?” he whispered. “If I hurt people?”

You frowned slightly confused.

“You wouldn’t do it without reason.”

Yoongi bit his bottom lip nervously…

He needs to just say it…

“Baby I-”

“I’m sorry to interrupt but it’s time to collect the shipments.” Seokjin entered not fully understanding what was going on.

“Give me a few-”

“No..baby. Go handle what you need to okay? I will be here. We can talk then.” You said sweetly rubbing Yoongi’s face.

“Blossom..I’m a mob boss..”

#bts fanfic #bts imagine #bts jungkook #bts angst #bts x reader #bts yoongi #bts jhope #bts smut #bts namjoon #bts smut drabble #bangtanwhq #micdropnet

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final-boy · 5 months

Note

haissgisheishue sorry this is so random but I remember you made this fnaf au like a year ago in the summer I think?? And it was something along the lines of Michael going outside instead of Charlie and he gets killed by William and I think he possessed foxy I can’t find the actual art so I don’t know for sure BUT. Im curious to hear more about that au. Like give us the lore behind it WHAT HAPPENED (if that’s ok with you ofc)

Dead Mike AU!! Cuz i never gave it like an actual name lmfoaidnsakll ill be honest i never ended up developing it a BUNCH but basically what would have been like the first chapter or so if it were a fic wpuld be (with like the BIGGEST of help from @/peariandpine figuring half of it out with me lmfao :

- Party of 83 happens like canon, Mike is bullying his little brother and CCs head is crushed - this au would also be going off the idea of CC being the protag of fnaf4 so hed be in the hospital

- this causes a bigger rift between Michael and his dad ofc and i wanna say the fourth night is when the catalyst of it all happened

- Michael, after another fight with his dad refuses to go to the hospital alongside him after work , preferring to just go on his own later > Charlie gives him his jacket

- William leaves the hospital more annoyed and amgry than he was before because he had still expected Michael to come at some point anyway AND because thru his preexisting jealousy of Henry is angry at the man for trying to console him - he takes it as an insult esp since Henry has never lost a child and has two (sammys here btw lol) perfectly alive, healthy kids

- as hes going home, stewing in that anger and jealousy he sees who he thinks is Charlie walking alongside the road and begins to pull over already thinking of killing the girl only to be met with Michael

> he demands Michael get inside the car, Micheal refuses and William steps out to try and get him in - some nasty words are exchanged and William gets,,violent

- Michael panics and runs into the nearby woods , getring slowed down by the jacket snagging, eventually throwing it off to the side

- unfortunately, for him he hesitates upon coming across a river and that gives William more than enough time to catch up

- William, again just absolutely angry and hopped on adrenaline (and a lot of his own self hatred bubbling to the surface) starts taking his frustrations out on Michael - hes not thinking clearly at all and with Michael looking SO MUCH like him it really is not helping him out until...Michael goes silent after Williams dunked his head in the water

- Michaels not responding and now Williams starting to come back to reality and begins to panic, realizing exactly what hes just done - Charlies death, while it still would have been a very on the spot thing, would not have been as messily executed and , in Williams mind, would have had a purpose

- he then tries to convince himself that this is okay actually because michael killed his other son so really this was punishment.....only for CC to Live in this version

- Michael here would actually be taking a page from Andrews book and attach himself to Williams soul instead of any one specific animatronic - since Foxy has always been his favorite tho he does tend to mess eith it more when in Freddys and manifests himself throigh its image when messing with William

- this drives William ro try and get Michael back somehow, whichever way he possibly can to absolve himself of this, to put things back together again,,,

- this au would have also led to Charlie, Sammy, Liz, and to a smaller extent Evan, trying to find Michael after his "disappreance "

- this would also just be a huge more psychological horror on Williams end tbh 😭 i dont think ALL of the things happening and supernatural occurences would be because of Mike - Will is severely paranoid, hes not in the right state of mind at all, and i think hes kinda managed to create his own personal agony monster

For awhile i was considering having Mike possibly not have even possessed ANYTHING and would have left it as purely Williams own descent to madness

#sorry this is long and rambly bwmabdksga #not all the parts completely click since i didnt really go any further with it past mikes death sorry </3 #i have a habit of making au concepts and building the basic building blocks and fucking off lmfoahxlaua #fnaf au

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bairdcrevan · 1 year

Text

Writing Update January 2023

Your prodigal transformers fanfic writer is back at it lol or at least trying to be! I’ve got a lot of plans coming up and I’m using these periodic posts to keep myself accountable and let you know what I’m working on.

First is EarthSpark SoundStar:

Not Starved but Famished on Ao3 (EarthSpark Soundwave/Starscream)

Wrote this before the second half of Season 1, so I think some things will end up being wrong- but it was fun to write and think about. Soundwave and Starscream have a conversation after not seeing each other for some time.

Coming to you soon is Febuwhump: lol get excited, these babies hurt-

The long awaited next installment of:

Pacifcation Link on Ao3 Starscream/Shockwave and Starscream/Thundercracker/Skywarp

Chapter 42 is getting uploaded on Friday 1/27, even if it kills me.

Edit: I DID IT: Chapter 42 up and ready for you

It’s been almost written for more than six months, but a combination of health crap related to BITLET made writing awful. I don’t know how I got my big bang fic done, honestly when every square inch of my body was going through intense, incessant itching.

Had a great conversation with some friends about Paci and the direction I was always heading, but they helped me with some specifics that had been bothering me. I’m trying to overwrite chapters so that I can do weekly updates again- and you all deserve the closure. I have these presents I wrapped a while ago in the fic and it’s time to open them.

This fic is going on three years old (holy shit lmfao). Let’s get this baby to the finish line.

Another fic that needs to hit the finish line:

Link to Exchanging Fire on Ao3 Starscream/Skyfire, Starscream/Jetfire, Starscream/Starscream/Skyfire (and other permutations lol)

Target Fic finish date: February 2023

This one is fun because of IDW Shattered Glass’s comics renewing everyone’s love for SG. I’m excited for the final swell here too and we are close to the finale, so we just have to write what I have planned. This is another one approaching 3 years old, omfg.

And I will SERIOUSLY reconsider ever writing a “meet your doppleganger” fanfic when they share the same name again. It has been HARD lol

And the last one that is majorly on the docket:

Link to Queen on the Throne on Ao3 Starscream/Optimus

Target next chapter: February 2023

This one I am excited to write for you because of what happens next- and it is always on my mind. Recent IRL experiences definitely will color some of the next chapters and give you some LOVELY angst you get to consume lol. This one is quickly crawling up through my ranks of top fics- outpacing a lot of what I had already finished. So again, happy to update it and reach the next steps for you, because the reception has been so nice.

I think that’s enough lol and I will likely break ALL of this- but I like setting high goals for myself lol

#fanfic update #my fics #bairdfic #tf fanfic #starscream #skystar #soundstar #starop #shockstar

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catlokis-blog · 1 year

Note

do you have any gubby scenarios i am DYING for old men in love and so far you are the only person in this fandom i have seen since 2020 have correct takes on them

(PUNCHING THE AIR IN TRIUMPH) YESSS IVE BEEN DEEMED THE QUEEN OF OLD MEN IN LOVE CONTENT

im actually writing a vampire au fic right now featuring gubby and boomer ... but i wont bring that up until its closer to completion

(right now i have it roughly a third done before i do my final edits, but note that's because i just do basic planning, rough draft, and then final draft. its a pretty simple writing process and its why i dont write chaptered fics)

since you asked for gubby specifically ill focus on them especially considering theres a lot of boomer content out there but no love for the space man and the man who loves space.

read more and a headcanon dump time. you know how it is!

bubby almost DEFINITELY made the first moves to gman. i like to think it was encouraged by coomer after bubby was like btw im polyamorus and i also cant stop thinking about gman can i go ask him out. and then coomer became #1 hypeman and would try and force them into scenarios together LMFAO

gman isnt really ever forced into anything though? luckily for bubby he DID hold interest in the bastard and would go along with coomer very unsubtly trying to have them get some one-on-one time

during tommy's birthday party bubby almost definitely started flirting with gman. something about the atmosphere making even mister money bags space god start to relax and have fun a little was when he decided to make his first moves on the guy despite having eyes for him earlier

The train incident was his first attempt to talk but we all know how often gman cameos around in half life 1... bubby almost certainly took notice of black mesa's Latest Old Man Babe

gman probably barely knew how to process being flirted with at first because he's used to being treated with fear and such, and when he does get flirted with it's usually in a way that's like "oh, you're so above me", but bubby would approach it in the way you'll approach someone at a bar

as in shitty pick-up lines and very overt "you're hot as fuck, make out with me" comments. but the phrasing is more bubby's personality than bar etiquette - he's not exactly romeo.

eventually once gman gets used to bubby flirting with him after a while though the script WILL get flipped on him. because gman is no fool. in fact he is VERY observant. half of the time he spent listening to bubby's nonsense flirting (and, occasionally getting responses he didn't know he was even capable of, like an involuntary "oh my" and a blush when he said a particularly romantic line that was probably fed to him by bubby's personal cupid, dr. coomer) he would be picking up on what made bubby a little more nervous to say, a little more hopeful in how gman would respond, and what he seemed to like to hear from dr coomer

after constant passive reception of bubby's moves on him he'll fire back onto bubby with everything he had observed up to that point. even the little comments he'd whine to benrey, coomer, and even gordon when he was willing to listen to bubby. all those offhanded whiny things like "why can't he just x already" would come BITING HIM BACK.

at the end of the encounter bubby is probably rendered speechless and gman toys with him a little more through baby's first kiss from a god. he and coomer would have their own little mini celebration about this later

( and, a little bonus, despite coomer's encouragement, bubby would never actually ask gman out. he's very stubborn on waiting to be confessed to instead, which is why it took so long for him to get with coomer after literal years of flirting. gman ended up learning this too and had to research how the hell you ask someone out since he had literally never had to do that before - he was usually getting asked out and rejecting people because they were doing it for some kind of personal benefit / he doesn't have much interest in dating randoms in the first place. )

#I WENT OFF HERE. SORRY #cats thoughts #gubby #gman #dr coomer #bubby #just a bit of boomer not putting it in maintags #hlvrai #cats asks #half life vr ai #half life vr but the ai is self aware #gman coolatta #i probably wont write this specific scenario because i have a lot of other projects going on right now #but if anyone else wants to... please to the lord above tag me

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alienaiver · 1 year

Text

Chapter 1: miles

Chapter summary: your father has passed and you must stand up with your head held high as you accept your fate - you mustn’t show the overwhelm on your face. as you meet your new advisor for the first time, hope sprouts in the deepest part of you.

Warnings for this chapter: mentions of parental death, i’m exploring grief but only mildly as it is not entirely the main focus. Otherwise, it’s fluffy and world-building-ish

Wordcount: 8.7k words

Chapter content: fluff, sfw, fantasy AU, royalty AU, mild angst, genderneutral reader (so neutral that both men and women can also insert themselves), poc and bodytype! friendly reader, no use of y/n, tense and offical language from idiot to idiot, budding romance

notes: here is the first chapter!! i gotta admit, im actually very nervous about this. i know its good!!! but like!! does it make sense? to other people? this was honestly an imprompto idea i came up with and decided “heck, itll be good practice for my own fantasy book” and then. sat down LMFAO. ive never written medieval fantasy like this before and i think thats where my nervousness stems from! i also made sure to make the reader as gender neutral as possible since i usually only stumble upon afab!readers in fantasy and i wanted to provide some more <33333

series masterlist ┋ next

Truth be told you were never the proper heir you were supposed to have been at 25 years of age. You’d already assumed the title Crown-in-Waiting at the age of 17, marking the official beginning of your training to become the ruler of Karasuno Kingdom.

But with a young father in prime health, the start of your title’s work had been slow. He’d seen no reason to hurry with the preparations of you taking over the throne as he saw himself with many years to rule still. Your education, of course, began in childhood and you were familiar with communications between the territories and you were even with land to steward already. The peace treaty between Karasuno Kingdom and the Nekoma States four years ago were done by yours truly, heralded as such in stories, albeit it was with your crown’s supervision. You’ve been talked of as the Bringer of Serenity by the Farseers and even in the songs written by the minstrels, a Catalyst for Unity. The titles make heat flush to your face and a desire to hide your face in your hands emerge from you, but you’ve been very grateful with the positive tone your kingdom’s had with you so far even with your inexperience.

So when tragedy strikes, you’re taken aback abruptly and the walls that’s been protecting you for your entire life crumbles around you. The physical walls of the Karasu Keep are still very much intact but that does nothing to quell the grief that emerges from deep inside of you at the news. The crown’s death is a shock to everyone from the coastal regions and well through the inland duchies and it strikes the kingdom with sorrow as it hits the keep where you’ve just spent the past few days in practical leisure, awaiting the return of your father.

You don’t understand. This was a routine trip – one to keep up the agreements between Karasuno Kingdom and the Fukurodani Empire that your father journeyed every year to show the kingdom’s appreciation of cooperation. The trading between the two kingdoms had both risen and prospered with the proper and legal routes to jewels, silks, and leathers. You grasp at the necklace around your neck with the Moonstone embedded, gifted to you by said empire as you try to control your breathing. Your drawing room’s filled with servants, all frozen and observing you horribly, unsure of how to help you handle the news that the poor errand boy came running into your quarters with mere moments ago.

“I wish to be left.” is all you can mutter out before you fall back on the armchair you rose from at the errand boy’s arrival. Everyone scrambles to leave except for your closest maidservant and dear friend, Azumane. As silence drapes over the room like a blanket, you belatedly realize you’d dropped the book you were reading on the floor – you’d probably have to search a while for the page you’d reached. You can’t seem to remember what page you’d last counted.

Azumane’s hands are holding your left, drawing circles into the palm in what he hopes is a calming gesture, “I’m so sorry for your loss, your Majesty.” he tries but you internally tut at the formality of his words. Those are words from a servant, not from a friend. And you’d like your friend at this moment.

“Oh, what am I to do, Asahi?” you ask him but you’d be surprised if he had any other answer than the one you already know. You sigh and look out the window to your left, at the unchanged scenery of the mountains that’s currently covered in the whitest snow. No one climbs them during this time of year.

He mirrors you with a sigh and it’s clear he’s struggling to hold back tears. Yours has yet to come. An official declaration has to be called, a notice to mark the Seven days of Mourning before you will have to claim the throne as the next crown. You will have to contact your father’s advisor, the knights, figure out if and where his body might be located so you can go forth with the burial on the seventh day or if you need to reschedule the mourning of the kingdom. You know the errand boy down from the kitchens and you’re convinced of the fact that he raced to inform you as soon as the runner had returned with the news. You might even have been told before your father’s advisor who stayed home from the journey, seeing as it had been a supposedly friendly meet with long-standing and positive relationships. You inhale sharply before you once again rise from the chair with a heavy look in your eyes. You must endure the entire country’s grief as a seed next to your own and handle the duties passed on to you with as much flawless grace as possible as to not rouse any mistrust with neighboring kingdoms.

///

Curiously and almost miraculously, Sugawara has never formally been introduced to you or met you even though he’s been living in the keep almost as long as you, only short of the first 11 years of his life. You and he have even shared the same scribe tutoring you in both letters and numbers when you were younger, but somehow your ways never intertwined growing up.

That doesn’t mean Sugawara doesn’t know you.

You’ve always made your dutiful appearances in the royal court and the lands you’ve stewarded through the years have always described you as proper and good at handling your responsibilities. Your studies are known and remarkable throughout the lands and he’s sure that like every other bachelorette and bachelor in this land, he blushes at your gentle smiles you grace your people with. Your speeches are always bubbling over with love for your kingdom and your people and there’s no doubt in his heart that you were meant for the role you’ve been given in life. You’re a star in your own right.

He's also been blessed personally, a few colorful times in his life as the advisor’s successor, to eye contact directly from you in court or during festivities. It’s taken everything in him always to keep it, to prolong the fortunate moment where the two of you are connected in more than just being in the same hall.

His friends have teased him that he should get used to your blazing gaze connecting with his, seeing how much you’ll be together once you become crown.

In the Karasuno Kingdom, it is not uncommon for the royal advisor of the current crown to resign and pass over their role to their own successor when the crown changes heads. Which is also why, he thinks, that they’ve never introduced the two of you. Both the current crown himself and his advisor were sure of his long life yet, full of vitality and youth. There was no reason to start cooperating between the Crown-in-Waiting and their advisor before it was deemed necessary. Sugawara’s always been impatient since he’s known who he was supposed to work with and support since childhood and looked forward to it with an almost fanatical excitement. But this? This isn’t how he’s ever pictured your meeting before.

Which is funny because he’s always known his supposedly exciting work wouldn’t begin until his crown passed away. He writes it down to the fact that he started his apprenticeship when he was still too young to know what that entailed yet and thereafter hasn’t given the procedure of the start much thought. Much like a child learning they’ll inherit something from a parent when they pass and being excited for that day to come before understanding the implication.

His teacher is pacing around the tower room that has been Sugawara’s study since childhood, muttering curses and grudges to himself. The “this wasn’t supposed to happen” seems to be the most recurring phrase in his current, panic-induced vocabulary. Sugawara wants to be understanding and empathetic towards his teacher who has just learned the news that his superior and dearest friend has passed away in an untimely fashion but he also can’t help but dread how the current situation looks – to the outside, mostly. He knows you’re popular and well-liked within the walls of their keep and in the kingdom as a whole but it’s no secret even across their borders that you’re sitting very much ill-prepared for the challenge you’re going to have to face now. The crown has often – though most times have been in an inebriated state – proudly announced that he kept you off of the usual Crown-in-Waiting duties so that you could enjoy a free life as long as possible.

Sugawara’s not even sure how much practical knowledge you even possess, having not been the one advising you until now (not that anyone has, the position has been formally his since you entered the Crown-in-Waiting title eight years ago.)

His mentor, who’s been very much like a father to him too, takes in a deep, steadying breath and then turns to Sugawara, “I am not allowed to introduce you until the Seven Days of Mourning has passed since it will count as official work not to do with the burial. You must prepare as much as you possibly are able to within the walls of this study but keep your focus on politics, the public relations, and laws so that you will be best prepared in the immediate affairs they might have to deal with.”

Sugawara nods and start to walk towards the bookcases lining the far wall, filled with both books, scrolls and study notes he’s accumulated over the years. The four bookcases had intimidated him back when he just began, so empty safe for a few five to ten books and scrolls. His teacher had proudly told him of how full they’d become when he was done and he’d scarcely believed him. But here he is over 15 years later with books stacked on the floor due to lack of space.

With tears lining his lower lash line, he starts reading up on the most recent border and trade laws engaged with the southern duchies, guessing trouble might rise there first.

///

It is the Seventh Day of Mourning and tomorrow he will have to work side-by-side with a grieving Crown-in-Waiting turning leader of a whole kingdom. The burial of the king has finished a mere few hours ago and Sugawara’s currently in the servant’s kitchens with his close friend, head of the Royal Guards, Sawamura Daichi, drinking ale and eating the simple feast that marks the end of the Mourning.

There will be days of preparation before the crowning will commence. All the coastal and inland dukes have to be gathered and publicly announce their agreement and support to the Crown-in-Waiting for the coronation before they can presume their role as the rightful ruler of this country. However, Sugawara is officially able to be announced your advisor tomorrow as it requires a much smaller ceremony, one that mostly includes a few elected officials and his own teacher. And most nerve-wrackingly,

You.

“I hope the precious Crown-in-Waiting is prepared for what’s coming.”

Sawamura sounds bitter and Sugawara’s actually surprised he doesn’t put his mug down harder than he does. He raises an eyebrow silently at his friend, deciding to give him the free space to vent his rage. He knows it’s not about the Crown-in-Waiting at all. Sawamura slurs out some more profanities and when he’s about to mutter out words that border on the line of treason thanks to the amount of ale he’s taken in, Sugawara shuts him up, “I know you feel guilty but you’ll be banished if you utter out any more words.” He takes the mug from the head of the Royal Guard calmly as if looking for a fight but his friend lets him, lets him wrap his arm around his shoulders so he can carry him back to the barracks. Sawamura is one of the important people meant to oversee his friend’s own inaugural ceremony as the official royal advisor so Sugawara would like him in proper shape.

Outside in the courtyard, Sawamura gets queasy and Sugawara sighs over the fact that he didn’t stop him from drinking sooner. He lets him bend over a bush and turn away from the sounds of his friend spilling out his emotional guts.

“Are you ever punished if you get vomit on the armor?” he asks his best friend to lighten the mood, halfway to the barracks. Sawamura grunts in response and gags again, this time with a low, self-deprecating laugh following to signal he’s just messing with Sugawara. “Daichi.” Sugawara says sternly as if to remind him that he’s currently doing him a favor, dragging him away before he makes a mess or even loses his title and work.

“You’ll protect the new crown too, right?” Sugawara can’t help but ask as he eyes the lights of the entrance. He knows his friend would never betray the Crown no matter who wore it but he fears he feels too guilty to serve properly. When Sawamura doesn’t answer he says his entire name in a reprimanding manner, hoping to get a proper response. Sawamura drags his arm back from Sugawara and he lets him, watches him bend down to a squat next to him on the ground, “I killed him, Koushi. It’s my fault.”

It’s all he lets out and Sugawara has to drag him back up again with a reprimand of too much ale. Luckily, a few of his Guardsmen, Tanaka and Nishinoya are enjoying the fresh air of the night and casual talk outside the barracks and spot them when they’re near. They thank Sugawara for his help and promise to get their commander back in bed safely.

The walk back to the keep isn’t far, especially when you aren’t carrying your heavy-hitter Royal Guard Commander of a friend over your shoulder. Sugawara sighs out as he looks up at the sky. The stars are visible tonight and he tries to recall the constellations he was taught once. He almost wants to laugh at himself for his inability to use the stars – he hopes he doesn’t ever have to guide his crown through wilderness with only the stars to guide him. He’d never get them to safety. If he makes sure Azumane is with you, he’s convinced you’ll be fine. He sees his own breath in the air and chases it with his hand, reaching towards the sky as if asking for guidance.

Still, Sawamura’s words haunt him. Everyone knows it wasn’t anywhere near his fault that their crown has tragically passed and no one is accusing him of the death but Sugawara thinks that he can understand the knight’s pride. He was with the crown when he passed, surrounded by savage bandits of unknown origins, unable to protect his sworn crown and get him home safely and alive. Sugawara feels a shiver run down his back from the thought of the pain he must be going through -and the survivor’s guilt that must be pooling in his gut, gnawing, growing, and taking form. He knows Sawamura would’ve given his own life had it saved the ruler of their beloved kingdom. He’s suddenly glad that Sawamura has other knights to take care of him too, people who will get his devotion and hurt better than Sugawara, a meager advisor who has scarcely left the Karasu Keep growing up except for going to the three nearby and local towns. A man who’s never known the blood or the decisions of the battlefield. He bows slightly and mentally thanks Sawamura’s men in the guard for also guarding him as he gives the stars a final look.

The sky outside is clear and Sugawara can faintly hear the birds from the big oak tree outside of the stained-glass window in his study. Like many nights before, he’s taken to sleeping in the quarters of his books and parchments, comforted by the scent of his candles and the endless pages. The calm doesn’t last long before the door swings open and his mentor hurries inside and closes the door with a back-kick, “I’ve been looking all over for you, Koushi! You must prepare for the ceremony at once!”

He’s tutting at him but he nonetheless places a tray with breakfast in front of him – one of finer quality than Sugawara is used to seeing and he can’t stop himself from tracing the veins of the wood. It’s carvings is compelling and beautiful.

He hears his mentor scoff at him, “Koushi! No time! Eat your fill – I know you’re prone to a bigger filling of grain but I know you. If you eat too much, you’ll be nauseous during the ceremony!” he sits down on the chair opposite of the desk and pushes air out through his nose, “imagine that! So focused on your own stomach you won’t hear a word being said to you by the crown!”

Sugawara laughs cheerfully and pulls the tray closer to him, delighted at the sight of a cup with flower tea. His mentor has always treated him to this exclusive tea during milestones of his training. “What? Are you speaking from experience?” he jokes as he takes the first bite of the bread from the side, already buttered. Based on the fillings, he suspects it’s the kitchen matron who’s prepared this. She’s always enjoyed treating him, complimenting him on his polite and kind behavior (when he in truth was sent on a test by his mentor to test his conversational skills in regard to intercepting information not given easily or for free).

His mentor scoffs again and jerks his head up in mock-offense, “I know of no such thing.”

Sugawara laughs and reaches for the glass of water. It’s cold and newly pumped and he feels he’s in for a treat with this lavish breakfast he’s being given. His mentor sighs out before he relaxes down into the chair, “is there a particular reason you did not sleep in your quarters tonight?” he asks, his fingers intertwining on his lap. The question is calculated, his eyes drilling into Sugawara who winces. “It’s better here.” Is all he can really come up with and his mentor smiles before sighing again – a nostalgic one, one that reminds of good old days. For a moment it feels to Sugawara like time has stopped and it’s just the two of them, in the study, as it has always been. “And so we all know that feeling. I’m going to miss our days together, young lad.”

Sugawara swallows a spoonful of grain thickly at the weary words. He knows this is his awkward way of saying his goodbyes before the world starts turning again. In a matter of moments after his breakfast is finished, he will have to go straight to Kinoshita to be fitted so he can adorn his newly embroidered uniform and meet you in the royal court for the séance that will put him under you officially.

The robe that he’s wearing fits him to a T. He doesn’t expect it not to with the master dressmakers on board. Azumane was originally scouted and traveled to the Karasu Keep in order to be trained to become head seamster for the royal court but gained such a deep connection with the Crown Child that he chose to become their maid servant and simply oversee the needlework made. His mentor had left him in rage then, traveled to another kingdom in search of a new heir but Sugawara knew that Azumane never regretted the decision.

Still, just because the robes fit him doesn’t mean it’s not uncomfortable. It’s weighty, long and the sleeves are bigger than what he’s used to. He knows it’s a formality and that he will most likely only have to wear this for official appearances in court and at meetings but he fears how he will handle ink and glasses of water with this garment on. A creeping panic suddenly dawns on him; is he supposed to always wear this in your presence? As he looks at himself in the looking glass, he tries to fix his hair – the tuft of hair sticking up looks out of place in such delicate robes.

There’s not much time to think any more fearful thoughts on the fabrics bestowed upon him before Sawamura enters the room, all noise and intimidation from the sound of him walking in the Royal Festive Armor. Its black and sleek and Sawamura’s holding the helmet under his arm. His surcoat is in the new orange colors adorning the crow’s head made to be used for your reign. The former crown’s design was very much similar and varied only in color and pose of the crow. The helmet under Sawamura’s arm also resembles a crow’s head but only enough to be able to tell if you knew.

It's generally an impractical armor and Sugawara’s glad he doesn’t have to wear it – quietly doubts if he’d be strong enough to keep standing with the weight of it. He keeps that thought to himself as his friend gives him a hug and a pat on the back. “Your new uniform suits you,” Sawamura muses as he gives his friend a look-over, “you’ve finally grown into your title.”

There’s a smirk on his face as he teases Sugawara with that compliment. It wasn’t too long after Sawamura got instated as the Royal Guard Commander that Sugawara had wailed to his friend over mugs of ale about how he wanted a title soon too and how he felt left behind. Sugawara sticks out his tongue at his friend, “at least my robes are way more comfortable than all your shiny garments!” he retorts and Sawamura simply shakes his head at his friend and lets him have the win. Sugawara scoffs at the patronizing act but visibly still relishes in the win.

The seamstress bows at him as he proceeds to pack down his kit of threads that he used for the minor adjustments. Sugawara can’t help but notice the abundance of golden and silver threads too, straightening his back at the realization that he’ll also be doing your final fitting. He leaves with yet another bow and he smile tensely at his leaving form. He’s not sure he’ll get used to the formalities of his new title – after all, he’s been the errand boy for most of the keep for so many years, never regarded as anything more than another young boy running from the stables to the kitchens in search of adventure and possibly an opportunity to steal a light snack before supper. Kinoshita, the seamster taking care of his gown, was one of the boys he used to run around with. It’s odd, he thinks.

Sugawara is pulled out of his stupor by the door being thrown open in haste, much like this morning in his study and he is in no way surprised to see his mentor beam at him proudly, a tear threatening to spill from his lash line. He lifts up his arms as he approaches, “oh my young boy,” he starts and Sugawara laughs and reciprocates the movement of extending his arms before he does a spin to show his beloved mentor and parental figure his new uniform and start of his new life. He’s enveloped in a tight hug and sees Sawamura cackle off to the side at the display of a proud parent embarrassing their child in front of their friends. He rolls his eyes and hugs back, “thank you for everything.”

He wants to say more, express more feelings but his mentor pushes him back to arm’s length and inhales sharply, his eyes screwed shut. He exhales slowly before he takes another look at the boy I front of him, all grown into the man he helped him become. Words would not suffice for any of the emotions both of them are feeling and hums out an affirmation that his feelings have reached him. It’s an entirely intimate moment for both of them before they hug again, fast, as a finality. This will be Sugawara’s new path. His own path, on his own two legs. He hopes he’s strong enough to carry the will of you and the kingdom with him.

///

You’re pacing around the room, anxious and fidgeting. Besides your beloved father and former crown’s funeral, this will be your first order of business – which feels immense and heavy, even if no decisions are put on you except for the appearance to ordinate your new advisor’s role. You envy him for being a thousand leagues more prepared than you. You hope he’s kind.

You know he is.

He’s never been a stranger to you in all fairness. You’ve observed him, embarrassingly often. At first it was genuine curiosity in childhood and young adulthood about the boy who was supposed to become your right hand, your biggest support and confidant. When your curiosity had become too obvious to play off as you aged, Azumane had gladly provided you with stories of his friend and eased your fear of the unknown.

The biggest reason for your worry is more embarrassing than any of the actual causes of concern, ludicrously enough. Because with all the wonderful and heartwarming stories you’ve been provided by both your maidservant, the kitchen maids and other tutors in your life, your heart has spun another story of his own, one of rose colors and stargazing.

In your defense, Sugawara Koushi is a very handsome young gentleman who’s always kind to anyone he encounters and diligent in both studies and work. In his spare time, he helps the scribe, Takeda Ittetsu, tutor the Keep children in both numbers and letters. He engages in the conservation of documents and is an active part of both the maps and the libraries’ keeping to.

It’s a very favorable image of a person meant to become so close to you. Not to mention that his smile always makes your heart skip a beat. Azumane often scolds you for reading too many romance novels and not enough educational works to prepare you better and at a time like this, you think you should’ve listened to him more.

You’re not supposed to be in love with your advisor.

Not to mention, a royal advisor whom you’ve never even met.

The seamstress urges you to stand still again, fitting the hem of your newly tailored dress shirt, sewn for this purpose. You’re sure you’ll wear it again for some other occasion, enamored by the pattern of silk on the elaborate sleeves. It’s a deeply saturated, royal red with orange embroidered in with immaculate attention to detail, the cuffs closed by obsidian-like cufflinks. You straighten your back at the seamstress’ request as your father’s royal advisor goes over the ceremony with you.

You’ve practiced the speech and rituals since learning this would one day be your first role to fulfill, excitement vibrating through your bones as you were going through old scriptures and scrolls telling of this deeply traditional-bound ceremony. He praises you as you repeat the words back at him and you preen, your back straightening even more in pride. He shakes his head with a chuckle, proud of what you’ve become even if none were prepared for the timeline to be pushed as such.

///

No one prepared Sugawara for just how many people would actually attend his ceremony. It’s probably not as many as he feels, but the eyes all on him makes him queasy and he silently thanks his mentor for restraining his breakfast just a little bit for him. It’s obviously not as many people as will attend your coronation, but it still makes his heartrate spike to see the many attendees turn their heads at his arrival in the court. He’s announced by the speaker and stands where he’s been told, clearing his throat to alleviate some of his nervousness while he awaits your entrance.

All eyes turn to you as your arrival is announced before you then then do something unexpected that almost makes him laugh out loud. He manages to keep it to a cut-off chuckle but you bow. You bow to the court as if you’re not supposed to become the crown of this kingdom in a matter of days and there’s a few gasps, giggles and various reactions sprinkled throughout the audience and you smile sheepishly before pacing your way to stand next to the throne.

On top of your head is the same crown that Sugawara often saw adorned on your father and his heart aches. He knows it’s been fitted to your exact measurements but he can’t help but be amazed at how well it suits you.

The kingdom’s opinion of you is at a crucial tipping point at best right now but seeing you stand there, your head held high and back straight, he feels that everything will turn out alright. He relaxes his own shoulders as you start your speech meant for your father’s royal advisor, telling anecdotes of growing up watching him and your father in the courtyard and finishing by bestowing upon him the Black wings of the Crow, the highest honor the royal family can award anyone, as a way to cement you and your kingdom’s gratefulness to all of his years of service.

Sugawara’s heart soars with happiness to see him receive such honors from the crown themselves and straightens his back again, overly conscious of how he’s posing in your presence. He hopes it’ll get easier with time.

Sugawara is being presented to the court of officials and his eyes search for Sawamura and relaxes. In the corner he also sees Azumane send him a discreet thumbs up and lets out a grounding breath. He stands before you and bows, his head bent down, trying not to stare at your feet too much but using it as a focus point. You’re wearing black leather boots with heel that resembles your father’s usual style very much. When he thinks back, he’s sure your father’s had a designed pattern on them but yours are curiously bare except for the straps and pins closing it around your ankle and shin.

You recite the ancient tongue that is regarded as the first lines from the first ever inauguration ceremony of this kind, cementing the bond between ruler and advisor. Sugawara’s heart is beating hundreds of beats per minute as he tries not to do something that’ll ruin this magical moment. That doesn’t stop his brain from providing him with fears he didn’t even know he possessed; imagine if he lost balance and fell (he’s on his right knee with an arm supporting him), what if he has to sneeze (he knows how to control them) and the oddest one, what if you look at him and decide you don’t see him as a good fit? He’s got no counterpoint for that one, and that’s the scariest part.

He feels your palm on the top of his head and hears the acute way your breath hitches before you speak loudly and clearly,

“Do you swear to keep the benefit of the kingdom always in your heart, in your mind and in your body? To stay true to me and me only, as we work to make our kingdom prosper?”

Our kingdom.

Our.

He tries to ignore how your hand is lightly shaking on the crown of his head as he swallows thickly. He knows the reply is as true from his heart as it comes out of his mouth,

“Yes, Your Majesty. I vow to always stand by your side and support you in making your kingdom flourish.”

There’s a moment of silence as you retract your hand from his head and shuffle before him, presumably getting his pin ready. He’s too scared to raise his head, anxious about fulfilling the ritual properly. He can feel the temperature on the top of his head where your hand’s been burning into his skull.

“Sugawara Koushi, you may now rise.” you instruct him and he does so slowly, standing directly before you for the first time and now officially yours. When your eyes lock with his, he swears he sees a sparkle of stars in yours. They shine in a rich and earthly way he can’t seem to find human. In your hands, a golden brooch is resting with an emerald stone enclosed that Sugawara knows is valued much higher than his meager life. No matter how the light touches it, it looks breathtaking. You step forward and he almost takes a step back from the sheer overwhelm of being so close to you. you smile gently at him, reassuring him as you start speaking again, in a volume meant for the court to hear as well.

“I bestow upon you the crown’s pin to establish the physical link between us, with our kingdom as witness. You have sworn yourself to me and to the Karasuno Kingdom and this pin will be the proof of your allegiance and duty.”

As you say your practiced lines, your hands reach for his collar and Sugawara hopes he’s able to keep his blush down when your knuckle brushes his throat. You lock the pin and take a step back, mouthing a silent “well done” and he nods at you with a grateful smile, bowing ever so slightly. Sugawara’s heart skips a beat at the bashful smile you send him before you turn your attention toward the court, cementing your words one final time.

There are more formalities to get through but even if you held a sword to Sugawara’s throat, he would never be able to recite anything else happening, too preoccupied by standing next to and so close to you while the rest of the ceremony commences. He knows Sawamura is supposed to do some kind of honors now, but he can’t focus on it, he only bows when he’s supposed to. There’s something inherently intimate about the way an advisor is sworn in and he’s still reeling from saying those lines directly to you and not just to himself in his looking glass. There’s something about swearing his life away to someone that makes his stomach swirl in pleasant squiggles, the finality of his teachings and educations coming to fruition. He’s glad it’s you.

///

The silence is thick in the late crown’s map room as your fingers gently sweep over the ashen wood desk littered with containers spilling ink, feathers, and unfinished maps. Neither of you are even sure what the purpose of the current map that is splayed out is, but you’re both aware of your father’s penchant for mapping. Sugawara’s unsure of whether it’s appropriate for him to say anything and the happiness he felt emanating off of you during the ceremony is nowhere to be detected in the current gloom that’s sucked you in.

“I always imagined I’d arrive at the throne due to his retirement. That he’d witness my coronation and ease the two of us into our duty.”

Sugawara swallows thickly at your words. You’ve done it several times now, addressing your title and work as ours – as if you saw Sugawara as your equal and not a delicately trained and placed pawn to use as you saw fit. He clears his throat and tries to speak when you continue, “something isn’t right about his passing. My father taught me everything there is to know about sword fighting. I can’t imagine he’d go down due to a simple group of bandits.”

You look up at Sugawara and the pleading in your eyes makes his hands clench behind his back. You’re looking for reassurance, for someone to believe in you. His heart aches at the thought of how many people might’ve dismissed your hypotheses the past week alone. He agrees with you. Everything in the official reports, Sawamura’s detailed accounts and the mere fact that they succeeded in assassinating the crown himself speaks to something more organized. Something far more sinister.

He nods and walks towards the table, towards you, “Your Majesty, I fear your assumption may not be entirely incorrect. An ambush of that level isn’t common in those areas and according to local reports gathered by my predecessor, not heard of neither before or after the attack on His Hig”- Sugawara clears his throat once more –“your father.”

Your eyes fly from the overflowing inks to Sugawara’s at his choice of words and Sugawara’s breath hitches silently at the grateful smile you return him with. He smiles back and mirrors your hand by putting one close to yours on the table, staying neutral as your hand flinches upon his nearing. He rests his hand on the map, feeling the texture of the paper on his skin, “what would you like to do, Your Majesty?”

Your eyes stay locked onto the table, your position frozen for a few moments. Sugawara notices how you’re nibbling at your bottom lip. It’s a cute quirk, he thinks and subconsciously bites on his own until he stops himself with a straightening of his back. You retract your arm from the table and the fabric of your puffy sleeve gently sways with your movements as your hand reaches your own chest. You look up at Sugawara, determined, “I demand a full investigation that I’ll be part of. I will not rest until I know what truly happened to my father.”

Sugawara nods and bows, “as you command, Your Majesty. However, I will advise this to be done in utmost secrecy. Throwing the kingdom into a state of fear is not what is needed publicly of you as of this moment,” he straightens his back and looks squarely at you, “if I may be so bold as to suggest this, I’d recommend that you pick out a group that you trust to do this quietly as you calm down the nation.”

A quiet snicker leaves you and Sugawara tilts his head in confusion at your reaction as you grace him with yet another warm smile, “I expect you to be bold enough to suggest me things, my dear advisor. That is, after all, what you’re here for.” You turn around to look at the map of the kingdom that your father proudly made when you were just 12 hanging on the wall. In the corner of the northern duchy you can still see the ink stain you accidentally made as you observed him making it back then – you’re sure he could’ve removed it or started over since he had just begun with said northern duchy at the time, but he chose to let it stay and it fills your chest with warmth. Behind you, Sugawara blushes at your obvious statement. “But that is most reasonable. However,” you turn back with what Sugawara can only describe as a dignified pout, embarrassed to admit this out loud but with your shoulders squared and head held high, “I’m not at all sure who to entrust such a task to. I know many in our keep but I am unfamiliar with who to trust in the political court.”

Sugawara nods and tries not to embarrass your admission further by not reacting outwardly. He was ultimately expecting this to happen. “If you so trust me, I shall gladly help you gather a small company but while I do gather intelligence about who we can truly trust,” Sugawara braces himself for the next part, “I must ask you to keep up appearances around the public investigation. We must not throw suspicion or we might lose important trails to find the true executioners. I know what I ask is dire and under normal circumstances I would never think to expect anyone to follow such an outrageous request but alas,” he looks at you and trails off, seeing your steeled expression. There is no doubt in his mind that this pains you, but he can feel your resolve for the greater good of your kingdom – the kingdom your father loved as well.

The next few days pass by Sugawara in a blur. He trails around next to you and instructs you in political influence, watches you mourn in silence, tests your knowledge and as you’re eating lunch in the former crown’s map room that you’ve ordered not to be remodeled or repurposed, talks about the investigation you’ve brought on.

Sugawara knew that he’d become physically close with you once he’d be sworn in, but he hadn’t expected that he’d be sharing so many meals with the crown of his country. It was awkward at first. There was luckily plenty of practical subjects to go through, so the silences never lasted too long and smiles seems to come easily when Sugawara cracked a joke or two. Your knowledge of the southern duchies and of the bordering countries surpassed what he expected, but you were lacking in regard to in-country laws and especially the western duchies’ customs were you unfamiliar with. He's continually amazed by your ability to remain unfazed when it comes to the public investigation of your father’s passing. No crack in your mask reveals that you’re in doubt of the public acknowledgement. Sugawara knows differently though, as his heart aches in his chest. He knows of the fire burning steadily, consuming your sleep and appetite. He tries not to say too much, knows Azumane is next to you when he is not.

Preparations for your coronation also took up a great deal of your time but Sugawara never hears any complaining as he drills knowledge and political pawns into your beautiful head. The talk and flow of the Karasu Keep has become lively and light, excitement buzzing in the air as the coronation draws closer. All the dukes and their families have gathered and many travelers from across the kingdom will be arriving as well over the next coming days. The attitude towards the new crown is generally positive, which greatly relaxed Sugawara.

“I’d keep an eye on the Hiashi duke. He and his coterie seem to celebrate a great deal differently than anyone else.”

It’s whispered to Sugawara while a mug of ale is being placed in front of him. It’s Shimizu, the matron who runs both the servant and guard kitchens. She’s soft-spoken and never indulges much of anything, but Sugawara knows her to gather intelligence from the people of the keep like nobody else. She was one of the first people he entrusted his secret task to and it seems to have paid off already within the first week. He doesn’t outwardly react to her sentence but simply takes a sip from the mug placed before him. You’ve given Sugawara the afternoon and evening off, much to his chagrin, as you’re being fitted in your coronation outfit before there’s a dinner with the dukes of the kingdom, so he’s set to investigating further.

He walks down the hallways of the upper quarters as he plans to excavate information on the duchy of Hiashi, which is one of the northern duchies, near the border. He’s heard of squabbles with the area, of his mentor mentioning agriculture issues. The northern duchies as a whole supply most of the farming for the kingdom and the drought six years ago has yet to heal them completely, try as the former crown might’ve. It’s also only a stone’s throw away from the attack on the crown, which makes Sugawara’s brows furrow as he’s leaned over some documents. It wouldn’t be a stretch to make that connection. He’s pulled out of his thoughts with a knock upon the door and is surprised to see his mentor there.

He looks disheveled. There’s no other word that can describe what Sugawara sees before him, except a broken man.

He’s seen a lot of them lately.

Wordlessly, he takes a seat on the opposite side of the desk and lets out a gruff laugh, “he used to love staying in here, holed up with his maps.”

Sugawara opts to sit down as well, figuring he needs to say something. he sighs and sinks further down into the chair, bony fingers gripping the armrest. “It suits you,” he mutters and sends a look towards the pin next to Sugawara’s cravat that he feels too stuffy in but is unfortunately comes with the uniform. Sugawara’s hands instinctively travel to it, feeling grounded by its presence. The silence stretches out for some time, Sugawara unsure on how to breach it – if he even should.

“I should’ve gone with him.”

The confession hits like a brick to his face. The grieve of his mentor is one thing, but to know he feels guilty? It pricks at Sugawara’s heart like knives. He stayed because Sugawara felt ill, if anything, it’s Sugawara’s guilt to bear.

Before he can articulate any of that, an arm is raised dismissively, “it has nothing to do with you. Rationally, of course,”- he gives Sugawara a knowing look-“it wouldn’t have made a difference. It was just a routine visit, I wasn’t needed there. I was needed with you, here.”

“I’ve had fevers before.” Sugawara tries, sucking in his upper lip. His mentor croaks a laugh and shakes his head, “yes but none as bad.”

“You say that every time I’ve ever had a fever.”

He shakes his head and gets up from the chair, rolling his shoulders, “ah. Talking to you have lightened my mood. See, sometimes I need you like you used to need me.” He winks at him and Sugawara pouts, “that’s not fair.”

A solemn smile crosses his face as his eyes stay on the map in front of Sugawara, “I know. I just came here to remind you that it had nothing to do with you and wasn’t your fault. I can see the guilt you try to expertly hide when you stand next to the crown. It’s heavy on your shoulders, isn’t it?”

Bull’s eye.

Sugawara’s breath hitches as he tries to conceal a sob. His mentor puts his arms behind his back and looks at the walls, lined with maps and art made by the former crown, his former friend. “And so it is so. So many souls carry the burden of this death. Heavy are the crow’s wings, my son.”

As Sugawara’s left alone in a room drowning in the touch of their former crown, he finds himself making a fist to control anything that might slip through his own walls.

His father-figure is still here. He’s not the one losing a family member - you are. He will have to pull it together.

“What are you doing?”

His fist untightens as he gasps in what he hopes is a low enough volume when he hears your voice from the other side of the desk. He hadn’t even heard you come in.

“Uh,” he fumbles around a bit, pretending to look for a specific map. “Uhm, one second,” he tries as he searches his brain for a way to sniffle without making a sound.

He hears you giggle and freezes on the spot, your laugh putting out the fire in his nerves. “It’s okay, Sugawara, you can take it easy with me.”

He inhales slowly, “right. I apologize, your majesty.” And finally looks up at you and smiles. You walk around the desk to stand next to him, “what are you looking for?” you ask, your hand tracing the top document, one being a map of the agricultural areas of grain from the Hiashi duchy. He shakes his head to gather his thoughts again as he points, “I got a tip to look into the Hiashi. There was a drought six years ago that devastated most of their crops.”

You raise your eyebrows, “you think it’s got something to do with my father’s passing?”

Sugawara’s unsure whether or not he should confirm that suspicion to you. After all, you’ve got a dinner with said duke in just a few moments. Out of the corner of his eyes, Sugawara can see you’re well-dressed and ready for the small banquiet. “Your majesty, maybe we shall discuss this after the dinner has been completed.”

You turn your head to him in confusion, staring daggers into his skull. He can feel them and he’s almost afraid to face you, fearing he might’ve overstepped. “Sugawara,” you say to catch his attention and he looks up from the parchments in front of him in equal parts confusion and fear, “yes your majesty?”

You put a hand on his shoulders, “the dinner has ended. I came here to find you before retiring for the night. You weren’t in your study.”

Huh?

Sugawara’s eyes must’ve popped out of the sockets with the way you retreat, a hand to your mouth. “Good Gracious, have you not gotten any of the rest I ordered you to?”

He blinks owlishly at you, his mouth in a tight line, “pardon, your majesty?”

You groan dramatically and to Sugawara’s surprise, flicker your pointer finger at his forehead, “I gave you the night off so that you could rest! You’ve been looking more and more exhausted and I understand that acclimating to your new job title requires adequate rest and care!”

Huh?

He sits down with his palms pressing his forehead, where you hit him – without holding back. You look at him with your eyes furrowed, “it’s part of your job to follow the crown’s orders.”

Sugawara laughs then. He laughs loudly and unabashed as his hands travel from his forehead to his cravat to loosen it up. He laughs with his mouth open wide and eyes closed. You wonder if he’s lost it before you grab the stool in the corner to sit next to him.

“I apologize deeply, your majesty. Since you’re technically still Crown-in-Waiting, I assumed the order wouldn’t apply until after the ceremony.”

You huff out a disgruntled laugh at his joke before you sigh out, “I shall be more clear next time. Well then, show me what you spent the last few hours on, if you won’t mind following an order from a simple Crown-in-Waiting.”

The mirth in your eyes makes Sugawara laugh again and lean over the table with you, pointing at the different farms and explain how the drought hit and the other specifics. He’s so caught up in his lecture that he hardly registers the way you yawn halfway in or the way you slowly but steadily sway towards him.

The weight of your head collides with his shoulder and Sugawara tenses up like a pulled spring. Slowly he turns his head to find you soundly asleep, the quill you’ve been writing notes within your hand now displaced and rolling over the map, spreading ink in its wake. He clears his throat after a moment too long before he dares speak but before any words can leave his mouth, he sighs and tries to relax his posture to make it more comfortable for you. You’re right, acclimating to a new job title requires care and proper rest. He takes a moment to be selfish like he never is and slowly, silently breathes in your scent, moving his head slightly to admire the way your mouth moves in tandem with your slow breathing. He feels like he has to physically restrain himself from caressing your soft cheek and it proves harder than he thought until he gathers his courage to address you and try to gentle stir you awake, “your majesty?”

A mixture of childish whines and grumbles leave you as you cuddle closer to him, your arm encircling his and he swears he feels his soul leave his body at your behavior. He steels his resolve for a moment with a few breaths before he decides. “Can’t be helped then,” he sighs and gently pats the top of your head, deciding that if his own royal highness, the soon to be crown sees his shoulder as an adequate resting place, he is not one to make disputes. You deserve as much rest as anyone else and if he can provide even an ounce of comfort to his beloved crown, he’ll sacrifice whatever it’ll take.

Here are the bonus additions my cat has made on this document as I’ve been writing it (he’s also deleted three paragraphs that I luckily regained):

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