#also!! i think it's important for eddie to make 'selfish' choices

[guiltreservoir]

i personally think eddie's decision to take kim on a date makes so much sense for his character. this is a heavily traumatized man who has not properly processed the grief of losing his wife and mother of his child. this is a man who has been seeking to recreate the fantasy family he'd built with christopher and shannon in his mind - even though shannon herself was ready to divorce him before she died. this is a man who wants nothing but a second chance, an opportunity to try again, to make it work, make it better.

and then he sees kim, and his good conscience is clouded by potential. she looks exactly like shannon. she laughs like shannon. she's quick-witted, charismatic, magnetic. she's absolutely gorgeous. she feels so easy and natural to talk to. she isn't shannon, she just feels like shannon - eddie doesn't even know her at all. but to him, she might as well be a carbon copy. she is someone that is so easy for him to project all of his wants and desires onto. she is someone who could be just like shannon, maybe, at least for now. eddie wants to find out for himself.

this is a decision eddie is making purely out of his own wishes, and he is not thinking about it clearly; he is being straight-up delusional. this is one of the first decisions we've ever really seen eddie make that is so blatantly self-serving and selfish, even more so than leaving for the army. this isn't a self-defense mechanism, this is a self-sabotage. some sort of fucked-up penance, or maybe a willing step into purgatory.

for maybe the first time in his life, eddie isn't thinking about anyone else. he esepcially isn't thinking about christopher - imagine what chris would think if he found out his dad's dating a dead ringer for his dead mom (let alone that it's on top of dating marisol)? even if eddie's somehow justifying it in his mind - maybe chris would be happy about it too - he knows this is a terrible choice and he's doing it anyway.

he is desperate to recreate what he thinks he could've had with shannon, he is very much hurting and still in deep mourning, and he is still not being honest with himself about what he truly wants or needs to be happy with himself. he's also realizing that whatever he wants, it probably isn't with marisol. but instead of breaking up with her, he's making the choice to complicate things for himself even further. it feels like some sort of subconscious self-flagellation. very ex-catholic of him.

it's so interesting that eddie is doing this without considering the true repercussions. he is blinded by the fact that he has a chance to date 'shannon' again and isn't thinking about literally anything else. it's going to cause suuuch a mess and i am so excited to watch how everything unfolds. i think eddie needs a bit of a reckoning to be able to get fully real with himself, and i really hope this is the first domino that tips to knock over his entire carefully-constructed illusions, the streak of sun that burns through the clouds in his mind so he can find some meaningful clarity.

[heterosexistly]

Shannon not as the love of Eddie's life but a love of Eddie's life.

His first love, who he feels in love with as a teenager, a 14 year old.

Eddie is only in his early 30s now, and spent the ages 14-27 (13 years) being in love with Shannon and when he enters the dating scene, it's as a widower and a single parent.

In his speech to Kim, there's this importance of choice. Eddie chose to enlist twice, Eddie chose to move to L.A, and Eddie chose Shannon when they were in L.A.

Once Eddie comes back home after his injury, he lives based off of what's best for Chris. Choosing Shannon, trying again, was a way to make things right but it was also his second chance at happiness.

Choosing Ana and Marisol still feels within the guidelines of what Eddie should be doing with his life, partially due to his catholicism and also due to him being afraid to be selfish.

The selfish decision he made to enlist as a means of running away but still being there partially is one he's trying to avoid making again.

Kim allows him to explore being selfish, making decisions that a teenager would make. And Eddie lives and operates in such a way that he ignores what he wants, can excuse certain things (with Buck) as Chris' wants because when it comes to that, they align.

Eddie has chosen ideal partners that are also very passive when there's clearly something up with Eddie, like Ana only confronting him in the breakup and Marisol asking if Eddie's alright and taking him at his word. "I think youre cautious because you have more to give than you think anyone can take" immediately made me think of 2.04, Eddie's season 5 arc, and even earlier in the episode where Buck makes sure to be gentle, but still provide a safe space for Eddie.

Kim does that as well, allowing Eddie to say goodbye and receive as much closure as he possibly could in this situation. And there is something to be said about how Eddie makes choices that give him control over his life and that are safe. And how his love for Buck comes with the risks that Shannon came with + their job but the storyline is still unfolding with Marisol, so we shall see.

[likeshipsonthesea]

i had feelings and wrote this post about shannon and i didn't wanna confuse it w eddie stuff but as she is ultimately a character in eddie's story i also wanted to go into the implications of this for eddie

do i think eddie was a bad husband? yes. does this make him a horrible irredeemable man who should take a vow of celibacy to protect the world from the burden of his romantic love? no.

but i think it's important that eddie actually deals with the reality of his relationship with shannon. i think we've got a start with this arc, and all the things he said to kim, but even then he starts out saying shannon was "the love of [his] life" when bestie, you didn't even know her.

they met in high school. they got pregnant unexpectedly and married just as fast. and then eddie left and they didn't know each other outside of a screen and brief visits for five years, then eddie was full of trauma and shannon's mother was dying, and then another two years apart, and then they were back together but didn't really talk outside of christopher.

by the time eddie re-proposed, he knew shannon as christopher's mother. that's it. he had no idea she wouldn't want another proposal. he heard "pregnant" and immediately went back to his 18-21ish self who knew nothing more than Responsibility. he didn't know shannon wouldn't want that. he didn't know anything about her--or at least, the audience didn't. where did she live? what did she do for work? what were her interests? from the beginning, the narrative--and eddie--treated shannon like a mother-shaped ghost to flit into and out of eddie's life.

and right as eddie was forced to look the truth of his and shannon's relationship in the eye, she died. how is he meant to consider all the nitty gritty rough edges and centers of their relationship through the rose-colored veil of grief?

i get why eddie hasn't tried to de-tangle all these feelings. it feels like he's shitting on shannon's memory. but i don't think eddie will ever be able to give himself to anyone until he realizes how formative his relationship with shannon was in all the wrong ways.

i'mma be bold here and claim: eddie didn't love shannon towards the end. he didn't KNOW her. he was happy to play family with her until she thought she might be pregnant again and then he immediately thought Pregnancy=Propose=Responsibility. it wasn't out of love for who shannon was as a person, it was out of responsibility.

and the shannon eddie married would've said yes, as she presumably did when they got married the first time. but the shannon of s2 didn't want that, a marriage of necessity. she knew herself enough to know she couldn't devote herself to eddie as a husband and christopher as a mom at the same time, and she chose christopher. i think eddie loves her for being christopher's mother, the way michael loves athena even though he isn't In love with her, but i don't think eddie knows the difference.

eddie thinks romantic love is responsibility and tradition and expectation and christopher's mother. he's learned how to live for himself and be better for himself but he hasn't learned how to LOVE for himself.

this doesn't keep him from making incredibly selfish decisions, like leading kim on or treating his love-interests like sex-giving mother machines, but i digress. eddie has learned how to break out of the roles he's played--perfect son, army hero, self-sacrificing single dad--but he's never stopped to think about the role he plays in a romantic relationship and the feelings that come along with it.

the kim arc is forcing him to look all of this straight-on and i love it. i hope they take it further. i need eddie to reckon with the fact that he and shannon failed each other, and that she wasn't the great love of his life because he didn't actually know her well enough to be in love with her at the end. i need eddie to look at how he acts as a husband/boyfriend and realize he's fucked up, to acknowledge how he's made bad choices and decide to make better ones.

eddie has so much to give, and i think he can make someone really happy if he manages to break out of the Husband role he's learned and really give himself truly to someone. and hopefully, it'll make him really happy too.

[letmetellyouaboutmyfeels]

I cannot get over how Buck-coded the storyline Felicia had was.

This woman felt like she was defective parts cursed, and like she'd ruined her chances at happiness through poor choices like choosing the wrong couch partying, selfishness, alcohol abuse, etc.

I noticed that when recounting her sins, she specifically brought up a friend overdosing in her bathroom. By bringing this event up along with the DUIs, she's tying them both together as her fault. Similar to how Buck takes things that are out of his control (Daniel's death, losing Christopher in the tsunami, etc) as his fault.

And what does this woman do? She desperately seeks out band-aid solutions. Buck isn't the only one who believes in jinxes/curses on the 911 team, but he is notably the one who believes in ghosts (the cliff rescue) and other superstitions, and the one who is easily led into scams (crypto).

Both Buck and Felicia are looking wildly for something to give them their sense of value and self back, to make them feel important and validated again. For Buck it's to belong to a family and not feel like someday he'll be abandoned/on the outside. For Felicia it's getting her career back, ostensibly, but it's also about feeling redeemed for her mistakes and having friends again.

This last one is why she clings to her assistant (who in my opinion does deeply care about Felicia, even though she was stealing from her - both things can be true at the same time, and the fact the assistant was trying to get Felicia to stop buying all these 'magic' items I think proves her genuine concern) even after finding out her closest friend has been stealing from her. She feels it's what she deserves, and she'll take an imperfect friend who betrays her trust over no one at all, just so she won't be alone.

Huh. Almost like... Buck with Taylor...

Crazy. Bonkers. Wild.

And who helps Felicia through her crisis? Who reassures her that she is a good person and worth better than these band-aid solutions? Who works to protect her from both outside forces and herself? Who gives her, to paraphrase, those few words that are the life raft that gets her home?

Eddie.

Eddie sees this young person spiraling (I felt it was implied that Felicia is a bit younger than Eddie, but that might've just been the big brother vibes) and is the one who helps her. Not Hen or Chim, the former of whom is compassionate and wise and the latter of whom is also a fan of Felicia's, and both of whom were on the scene. Not Bobby, who is adopting everyone he can get his hands on.

I just felt that Felicia reminded me very much of Buck and where he is right now, lost and searching for solutions that won't actually help him heal and achieve the life he wants, and Eddie being the one to help her felt like foreshadowing.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go and shovel glass into my mouth.

[morrisxn02]

{HARRIS DICKINSON, 21, MALE, HE/HIM} Is that EDWARD MORRISON? A JUNIOR originally from MANHATTAN. They’re THE PROUD ELITE on campus, but even they could get blamed for Greer’s disappearance. 

tl;dr: eddie responsible, pragmatic, methodic but he is also frustrated that he still hasn’t found his path in life and is too scared to live life the way he wants to without disappointing his family. i feel like, right now, he’s at this crossroads where he wants to be young and find his path and have fun, but he is too scared this will put all the great things he has in jeopardy.

-– the basics:

full name: edward rufus morrison nicknames: ed, eddie, rufus (if you want to annoy him) + whatever your muse desires age: 21 birthday: march 13th, 2002 birthplace: new york city, new york major: computer science + literature gender: cisgender male sexuality: bisexual

stats - pinterest board - playlist - wanted connections

multimedia character inspirations:

henry winter (the secret history), dickie greenleaf (ripley - 2024), julian fromme (these violent delights), art donaldson (challengers), declan lynch and richard gansey iii (the raven cycle/the dreamer trilogy), kendall and shiv roy (succession), logan dellos (westworld), nate archibald (gossip girl), mahdi (blocco 181)

background:

middle child of the morrison family;

grew up as the family's perfect little golden boy;

his parents always deposited in him the expectations of one day taking on the family business;

was always sort of a conflict mediator at home, which is one of the reasons why his parents love him so much;

always enjoyed reading and studying;

didn't have any big issues growing up aside from sporadic ideological conflicts with his parents;

spent a year in france as a part of an exchange program in high school;

personality:

kind of nihilistic;

matured way too early so he kind of just wants to be young and dumb for a while but will not allow himself to be happy bc he feels like being his dad's ideal of a man is more important;

very creative and artistic;

on the outside he's a conformist, on the inside he's super liberal. he refrains from dabbling in politics, though bc as aware as he can be abt his privilege, he would never give up the nice things he has;

roy-siblings coded: he will do anything to impress an unloving parent because there's no drug more powerful than parental validation

can be very practical when he needs to be, but is usually very much the opposite

he is very VERY lost in life, very frustrated, very unhappy, thinks he's trowing his life away and regrets like 75% of his life choices;

he can be a bit selfish and narcissistic;

thinks he's smarter than everyone;

cannot muster up the courage to confront his family about anything so he can often be found looking forlornly at the horizon wondering abt everything his life could have been;

headcanons

fatally allergic to hornets. he WILL die if he gets stung

loves videogames;

kind of an art/history nerd;

annoying film-bro that carries a mubi tote around and has a criterion channel subscription (also hit him up if you want to borrow any criterion collective exclusive releases);

would have been an actor in another life. LOVES shakespeare;

eddie is kind of closeted with his bisexuality, mostly bc he feels like his parents might start looking at him differently (a few ppl know and he doesn't make a point of hiding it but he won't openly label himself as queer, it's a weird thing but you know where i'm going with this right)

also LOVES winter sports like and is an amazing tennis player but doesn't care much about other sports;

mildly near-sighed

slightly allergic to polyester (as per a collective gc decision lmao)

other tropes: princely young man, gentleman snarker, byronic hero.

RELATIONSHIP TO GREER: Most of his life, Greer was like a best friend inside of their home. Someone with whom he shared most of his fondest memories, like summers in the Hamptons, Christmases in the Alps, and Halloweens at Disney World. Yet, when you grow up in a Succession-esque household, there are certain unspoken rules about loyalty and comradery. Siblinghood was always a game – fun, for the most part, but competitive and always marred by the inevitable awareness that there was always a great deal at stake and that one could end up finding himself on the losing side. Luckily, for most of their lives, the Unfavorite gracefully assumed that position – which neither he, nor Greer ever questioned. But Edward knew that there were always boundaries to his relationship with the golden girl, there were secrets to be kept from her, lies to be told to appease her, because he knew – as his twin did – that Greer would gladly throw any of them under a bus coming in at full speed if she knew that would expand her advantage in their parents’ rankings.

HOW THEY EMBODY THEIR SKELETON TROPE: The linen shirts, the tailored suits and the cashmere sweaters attest to his love of all things fine and luxurious. Edward is the stereotypical Barbie of northeastern rich men: his favorite sport is skiing; he loves a good glass of premium aged scotch; and his go-to Holiday getaway is quick trip to Europe. All this privilege makes him a little out of touch with reality. Sometimes he just doesn’t get the so-called “small pleasures of life”. And all this luxury at his full disposal might make him appear a little too self-assured. He doesn’t do it out of malice or hatred of the less privileged, though, he just loves his life too much not to be all-in in it… 

EXTRACURRICULAR ACTIVITIES: tennis, sailing, writing club, fencing club

[oldfangirl81]

Okay, I saw this post a while ago about why do fic writers make the Buckley Parents be truly horrible people. Most often this shows up in writing them as racist, homophobic and physically abusive jackasses. Given I have a fic where I am making them truly horrible people this has been kicking around in my brain.

So beware my deep thoughts on this...

Okay, so first off I have some personal experiences that color my views. Some parental grandparents stuff I'm still working through. So I'm always going to lean towards found family if canon bio parents suck. So I'm already not inclined to write redemption/forgiveness towards shitty parents who haven't made an effort at change or did it for all the wrong reasons so it is temporary. (oh no my neighbors think I'm bad for not knowing what is happening in my adult child/grandchild lives I must pretend for a while.)

But generally speaking it can be hard to accept that basically okay humans make some very selfish choices that cause harm. It is easier to accept if we only highlight the bad in them. Or we use things our personal beliefs say are characteristics that only bad people have.

We know if we are writing any "realism" eventually Eddie & Buck are going to face homophobia. Yes, even in California. Southern California tends to vote more conservative but northern California has its jackasses too. I was called slurs when protesting Prop 8 by a minivan family. Now I'm lucky and the important people in my life didn't get flustered by me coming out as bi. But that is not always the case. Writing can definitely be a way to process that. Be it an actual experience or just the fear of coming out. So that can be a factor in people writing the Buckley Parents as homophobic jerks.

And often in reality if you find a homophobic/racist jerk then you've also found an ableist jerk. Now again my own personal experience with my grandparents ableism is clouding my judgement. They did and said horrible things when I was a kid. It is believable to me that the Buckleys might not be the greatest with Chris.

Now my grandparents also lost a child. Not as young as Daniel but it was before I was born. It was tragic and unexpected. But they never wanted/allowed my father to grieve beyond what they felt was appropriate. They had a distaste for therapy. It was for OTHER people, the ones with real problems. So I can see the Buckley Parents saying and doing shitty things around Postpartum and PTSD issues because I've known people whose own losses just made them jerks, even to those closest to them.

I also think a lot of us are just tired of shows pushing redemption arcs for shitty parents solely based on the fact they are the DNA donors. I've stopped watching shows when they lean too heavily on that for me. SWAT comes to mind as a more recentish one I stopped because of that. We want the characters to be validated that they don't have to accept shitty people in their life. Be it the mother who fakes her death to work with the CIA or the father who abandoned his family for another or the father who constantly kept his kids traveling to train to kill monsters or the parents who created a child solely to save their other child then never told him while treating him different his whole life. We want these characters to eventually get closure/revenge/peace that leads to love and happiness. Because maybe we know we'll never get that in reality or not as satisfyingly. (The closure/revenge part, hopefully we all find the love, happiness and peace part.) So writing the Buckleys getting verbally sliced up by Eddie is satisfying.

So I think there are a lot of complex reasons to write the Buckleys as extra shitty. But also it is easy to build an antagonist off a slightly established character.

Or maybe I just need therapy and I'm overthinking.

[clawsnoir]

that "femboy bruce/catboy riddler holding hands in the batcave" line killed me ahhshgsh

and it's also a good point cause fandom isn't just mischaracterizing Bruce for the sake of fluffy y/n stories, but also all the other characters. they turn Bruce into a soft baby that needs to be coddled, Selina into a dominating 'step on me' girlboss (which also is an issue bc of racism) and either completely woobify Edward or somehow make him way worse than he is (the amount of non-con and even p*do fics about the character is honestly terrifying) and it's so irritating because those are all complex characters meant to symbolize things, meant to say something about how destructive trauma can be to a person and how different people in different circumstances handle it differently, how society overlooks people like Selina and Edward and let's them fall through the cracks and how people like Bruce have to realize that and face their privilege to help victims that are trapped in a circle of violence (like Selina is w Falcone) , stop people whose pain pushed them off the deep end (like edward) from hurting others and figure out how to prevent others from letting their pain and trauma turn them into criminals or being made into criminals because their circumstances leave them no other choice (by making sure they don't have to suffer these horrible circumstances and trauma in the first place, for example via redistributing wealth towards poor communities or charity). it's not just about cute fluff or y/n shipping and only seeing the characters in a way that works best for fics is so ..sad? because it takes away so many interesting and important things from the narrative and characterizations that could (and imo should) be explored instead (especially when it comes to Selina who just gets flat out ignored by most of the fans for the sake of self insert fics)

yes to all of the above...

the film is so clearly about these 3 orphans who have been radicalized to violence + the different means through which their trauma manifests itself. bruce is the center of the story, his rogues are always mirrors to him, so it reeks of racism that the fandom can somehow manage to draw all these parallels between batman and the riddler while selina is left out of the conversation completely. especially since one of the characters has a direct and positive change on bruce's character growth and the other mainly exists to show bruce how close he is to becoming what he says he hates.

if anything, the parallels between eddie and bruce exist to show that bruce would like to think he has boundaries, that he's not totally absorbed by his own ego and driven by selfish impulse, when that's not actually the case. the confrontation between them in arkham is really just two lonely little lost boys throwing a tantrum at one another while separated by a sheet of glass that is functioning as a literal mirror.

as sad as it is I genuinely think the themes of the film went over most of the audience's head...and it's not even as though the threads are particularly complex, it's all there for people who possess even a modicum of media literacy but that number is dwindling everyday.

[princessfbi]

I know I already asked for Maddie, but after that take on eddie, I really wanna know about your vision on Shannon!

Well, honestly I'd love to read your take on every single character, but.... we'll get there 😂

OK this is so late and I'm so sorry. Our dearly departed: Shannon Diaz

How I feel about this character

I...

Ok, here's the thing. I don't like Shannon. But my dislike for Shannon doesn't negate just how important she is either.

Because I really, really LIKE my dislike for Shannon and here's why.

The really cool thing about Shannon is that she's one of the few morally grey female characters that we've seen in mainstream media. Often times with female characters (particularly the side characters) you find yourself looking at ranges of two types: The Angel or the Shrew. Both end up as a result of kind of lazy writing in my opinion and make characters into cardboard cut outs. It's an inherent form of sexist objectification to characters that aren't really supposed to be that important and are more plot points than they are characters.

And unfortunately, this is more apparent with female characters. Look at Ana for example. She borders onto The Angel end of the spectrum. The reason I personally don't see any chemistry with Eddie and Ana is because Ana is being (perhaps intentionally) put up on this pedestal as this Angel archetype. She's the dotting girlfriend who fits perfectly and causes no waves in the relationship. It's so jarring because, for the most part, 911 does a pretty good job about not falling too far onto this spectrum. Even Ali had a nice balance and I think even Tatiana, though closer to shrew, was written in a way that we at least understood her motives. This happens with male characters as well ie the dumb hot guy that always ends up being the butt of a joke.

But Shannon is grey. Shannon is complex. She made some bad, selfish decisions but that doesn't make her a bad person. It doesn't make her evil! It makes her deeply human. We see her pain. We see her struggling with guilt and being overwhelmed with what it means to be a wife, a mother, and a daughter all at once. Shannon was being pulled into a million different places and her biggest issue with Eddie was that she didn't feel like she was being heard.

There's something I think a lot of us could really get behind because at some point in our lives we also have felt like we haven't been heard.

Do I agree with her choices? Absolutely not. Do I think it was kind of childish to run away and stay away? Yes. Do I think she's an evil person? Not at all.

I like not liking Shannon because she's a well rounded character with flaws and strengths. She loved her family but she didn't feel loved in return.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

No one... cus she's dead. RIP.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

She be dead.

My unpopular opinion about this character

I don't actually think she and Eddie would've co-parented well had she survived. This goes back to what I said on my Eddie character analysis. Shannon desperately wanted a partner in Eddie (rightfully so) but I don't think she realized that she wasn't all that willing to be a partner to Eddie in return. I think in a lot of ways, Shannon is similar to Eddie's parents. She didn't listen to what Eddie was trying to say. She kept pushing him when he needed space (showing up to his work to discuss just because she knew it would put him in a tight spot). She's been pushing him for a while (as seen in Eddie Begins) and when he would finally push back, she would shut him down. She would lash out when Eddie would finally snap.

But I think the reason we have a hard time seeing those similarities is because unlike Eddie's parents, we see Eddie accept this lack of support from Shannon. Again not to bring back the Perks of Being a Wallflower quote but it's a good one: We accept the love we think we deserve.

Shannon didn't feel like she was being heard. She didn't feel like Eddie had her back (even though I think it's because he didn't make these big grand gestures to prove countless times that he did.)

But I don't think Eddie felt like he deserved to be heard either.

Shannon's needs were not being met and it was tearing her down but I don't think she was willing to meet Eddie's needs either. I think she got used to the fact that Eddie would often swallowed what he would need and move on. His inability to process his trauma but rather sweep it under the rug both frustrated Shannon but also gave her an excuse to lash out that I don't think she realized she was taking advantage of. Eddie could "suck it up" and I think part of Shannon's resentment was that she wasn't able to do that like he could. So, rather than saying, "hey let's talk about this" it became a point of contention between them.

I think the thing that Eddie and Shannon loved about each other the most was how much they loved their child. But they would've needed to do some serious work on how they respected one another to be able to be coparents because their relationship should not/could not survive simply on the shoulders of Christopher.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

I think I wish we had gotten to see her acknowledge that Eddie was not completely at fault for the breakdown of their relationship. We got to see her realize that she needed to focus on bettering herself for the sake of her own sanity and to strengthen her ability to be a mother again but... Eddie feels so deeply at fault for the way things went. Shannon was so broken down by the end of Eddie Begins but I think Eddie is still sort of cracking. I think the way Shannon treated him (and the way his parents treated him) makes it hard for Eddie to feel like he deserves better. Had they had Shannon acknowledging her part in breaking Eddie down then I think I could've gotten behind the idea that they would've been good coparents but alas... we did not get to see that.

Give Me A Character and I’ll Break Them Down

[bisexualbuckleyy]

my thoughts on the lawsuit arc: my 911 hot take of the day

i know the lawsuit arc is one of the most controversial storylines in all of 911 and everyone has wildly different opinions on it so i’m here to offer my take on it. this is just my opinion and how i view the characters so enjoy!

first of all, i feel like a lot of times if people love a character they get mad when the character does something they don’t agree with or that they think is wrong or selfish or harmful. and while it can be very hard to see a character that you love do things that aren’t good, that’s what makes a character interesting. if a character was perfect and never did anything wrong, they would be incredibly boring and one-dimensional. but instead of looking critically at character choices and analyzing their motivations and accepting that they’re a flawed character with complex emotions they often just get angry and say that a storyline was dumb or didn’t make sense because it didn’t fit with their view of the character.

this is what i’ve seen a lot of people do with buck, bobby, and the lawsuit arc. they say that both of them acted recklessly and impulsively and handled the situation terribly, and i’m here to say: yes, they did, and that’s the entire point.

the entire lawsuit arc revolves around all of these characters making all the wrong decisions, but with very valid and understandable motivations behind those decisions. neither of them acted like their best selves because they weren’t being their best selves. they weren’t acting out of logic, they were acting out of raw emotion and that led them to make stupid decisions that caused a lot of pain. and that’s a good thing. (for the story, not for the characters obviously)

let’s first look at bobby, who arguably was the catalyst for this whole situation (technically it was the truck bombing, but i’m talking season 3). the end of season 2 sees bobby being forced to deal with his traumatic past and relive the deaths of his wife and children and all of the people in that apartment building that he felt responsible for. he has his title and job stripped away, he’s taken away from the thing that provides him with healthy coping mechanisms, and then he’s forced to watch from the sidelines while the man he thinks of as a son is trapped under a ladder truck that was intended to kill bobby.

obviously bobby gets his job back, buck survives, and everything’s relatively okay at the end of season 2, but bobby still has that guilt on top of the guilt he’s been dealing with for years over his wife and kids. beginning of season 3, bobby is tentatively ready to welcome buck back, and then he watches buck almost die in front of him (again) and, understandably, panics. he tells buck he’s not ready to come back and buck lashes out and quits.

bobby watches buck almost die yet again during the tsunami, which he almost certainly blamed himself for, feeling that if he had let buck come back to work, buck wouldn’t have gotten caught in the tsunami.

buck obviously comes around and takes the fire marshal job, which bobby viewed as a way to let buck do what he wants while still protecting him. bobby blames himself for everything that’s happened to buck in the past six months, so of course he’s going to do everything he can to keep buck safe.

so, bobby lied to him and kept him from doing what he loved, because he didn’t know another way to keep buck safe. the concerns bobby raises even outside of his personal investment are very valid: buck is on blood thinners, which would make it significantly more dangerous for buck to be on a call. bobby already worries about buck constantly and this would only add another level to that, and he has an entire team to look out for.

and the most important thing: bobby blames himself for everything that’s happened to buck. if he allowed buck to come back and buck got hurt, bobby would blame himself. bobby has already lost so much and still blames himself, and he doesn’t think he can handle another loss like the one he’s already suffered. his actions come from a place of love and concern for buck and his safety.

and now for buck. i relate a lot to buck so there might be a bit of projecting in here but i’ll do my best to keep it impartial. to start off: what buck did was stupid, impulsive, selfish, and ended up hurting everyone he cared about. but it also makes complete sense when you look at it from his point of view.

as viewers of the show, we see the complete picture. we see every point of view, all of the thought processes behind character decisions, so it’s much easier for us to judge characters for their decisions. but we have to remember: buck did not have the full story. buck couldn’t see into bobby’s head and understand that this was coming from a place of love and a desire to protect.

all buck saw was the people he cared about abandoning him and thinking he wasn’t capable enough to do his job. this wasn’t at all what happened, but from his point of view that’s what it seemed like. and when you look at the situation from buck’s point of view, this starts to make a lot of sense.

end of season 2, buck gets crushed by a ladder truck and nearly dies. in an instant, his job, his normal life, and everything he cares about is ripped away from him. his girlfriend breaks up with him (not blaming ali, she had her reasons) which was just another person that left him, so he feels completely and utterly alone.

in the 5 months between season 2 and season 3, buck worked tirelessly to get better and get to the point where he could get back to being a firefighter, which he views as his entire life and the only thing that gives him purpose. he finally gets to where he can come back, and it’s all ripped away from him again when he nearly dies (again). after the blood clot, bobby tells him that the higher ups don’t think he should come back yet because of the blood thinners. buck is still in a very emotionally raw state, so he quits.

buck is understandably miserable after this, he feels like his life has no purpose and he’s unable to do what he loves. and then: the tsunami. buck nearly dies (AGAIN) and also almost loses christopher, who he basically views as a son. buck feels like he’s failed eddie but eddie reassures him that he trusts him completely.

and now we get to the primary conflict between bobby and buck’s respective motivations. bobby’s decisions, at their core, were out of guilt. he felt responsible for buck being injured, so he did everything he could to try to make up for that and keep buck from being injured.

buck’s motivations, on the other hand, revolved around trust. he always felt like he could trust bobby and the 118 completely, and saw them as family, especially bobby. buck thought that bobby was on his side, that he wanted buck to come back as much as buck did. when he finds out that bobby is the reason buck can’t come back, he feels betrayed. he sees the decision as an indication that bobby doesn’t trust him, and that he didn’t trust him enough to tell him what was really going on.

another important thing: buck had every reason to believe that the rest of the 118 knew what bobby was doing and were also lying to buck. the only person who knew was athena, but buck had no way of knowing that. buck himself says that the 118 tells each other everything, so why wouldn’t he assume that hen and chimney and eddie all knew and also chose not to tell him?

in buck’s eyes, his entire support system (excluding maddie) is ripped away from him at once. the 118, his family, doesn’t trust him, they lied to him, and they replaced him. obviously none of this is true, but from buck’s point of view, it makes complete sense.

this also makes eddie’s conversation with buck after the tsunami take on a whole new meaning. buck’s best friend looked into his eyes and assured him that he trusted him more than anyone in the world, and now buck thinks that eddie has been lying to his face. if bobby can lie to him and eddie can lie to him, then he can’t trust anything he thought he could.

so, buck goes for the nuclear option. he doesn’t feel like he has any other choice because he doesn’t feel like he even has anyone in his life that he can depend on right now. without his family, his friends, and his job he has nothing, so he grabs the first opportunity he sees to get that back.

was it a good decision? absolutely not. did it end up hurting everyone he cares about and nearly costing him everything? yes. was it stupid and impulsive and selfish and a whole bunch of other bad things? also yes.

but that is why it makes sense. it’s a very human decision borne from very complex, human emotions, and so is bobby’s decision. these characters are deeply flawed and complex and sometimes do impulsive and selfish things and that’s what makes them interesting.

the lawsuit arc is a perfect example of two people who deeply care about each other making all the wrong choices in an attempt to protect themselves and the people they care about. and that is why i think it is an incredibly well executed storyline that added tremendous depth to both buck and bobby’s respective characters and their relationship.

hope you enjoyed my ridiculously long post of the day! let me know if you want to hear my thoughts on any other storylines because i spend a ridiculous amount of time thinking about this show.

[buddiebeginz]

tw: child abuse/other references to abuse

Finally caught up to the current episodes of 911. I have a lot of thoughts on Buck and Maddie and their family situation from Buck Begins (and the episodes before it). From stuff I’ve seen around online I get the impression that most people loved Buck’s begin episode but it’s probably my least favorite of the show thus far along with Eddie’s ep. I love those characters but I don’t feel the show did their origin stories justice especially not when compared to the kinds of episodes the other characters had.

As for Buck’s story I was glad we were able to learn a lot of new information about his past, considering that was one of my big issues with Eddie’s ep that it felt like a lot of repetitive info we already knew. I’m glad we got to see what Buck’s life was like before he became a firefighter and learn more about his relationship with Maddie and that he had traveled a lot. Still as someone who grew up in an abusive home I feel like Buck’s origin story with his parents was handled pretty carelessly at points.

It’s kind of a common thing I’ve seen with shows though unfortunately. It just seems that most mainstream media doesn’t know how to handle abuse storylines (especially abusive parents) unless it’s storylines dealing with more commonly understood abuse like physical or sexual. If it’s abuse like Buck and Maddie endured where their life looked perfect on the surface but underneath there’s neglect and emotional abuse tv shows often give the parents an excuse (like they were grieving) and finds a way for the family to come back together at the end. Because they weren’t really “that bad”. But emotional abuse like Buck endured can sometimes be worse than physical.

It’s clear that Buck’s parents are toxic and that Maddie and Buck should both stay as far away from them as possible. I was really bothered by the scene with Buck and his parents at the firehouse. It felt like the show sort of absolved Buck’s parents of all their wrong doing and made it seem like they cared about him, like they always had when it was clear they never really did. They had him to save Daniel and when he couldn’t it’s obvious they resented him. I mean look at that whole thing with the baby box. That’s how little they cared about him. They didn’t even make a box to remember his important moments. Yes people can grow and change but they don’t do it over night and abusers rarely change.

I know there was a line Buck said (to Maddie) at the end about how he could forgive them because he’s never felt like he had a relationship with them in the first place so it didn’t really matter, which makes sense in theory but in real life that’s never how it is when you’ve grown up with abusive parents. You can try and detach yourself emotionally from them all you want but they’re still your parents, there’s still a part of you that will always hurt from never being loved the way you deserved by the people who were supposed to love you the most. Things like that don’t get wrapped up all nice and neat like like it felt like they tried to do with Buck and his parents. I am glad Buck got to express some of how he felt when they all had that dinner together but he definitely didn’t owe his parents forgiveness.

------------

The part I had the biggest issue with though was at the end when Buck went to see Maddie. Buck had every right to be angry and remain angry for awhile, at the very least Buck had a right to tell Maddie how he felt and express why he was angry and hurt by what she did and I felt like the show robbed him of that.

Buck walked in the door talking about how he had basically lashed out on Maddie because he knew that no matter what she would forgive him. It’s not Maddie who needed to do the forgiving it was Buck. Buck had trusted her his whole life. She had been like a defacto parent for all intents and purposes as his parents refused to be there for him the way he needed and now he finds out the one person in this world who has been a constant in his life (at least before he joined the 118) has lied to him about something huge. It makes sense he wouldn’t just shake that off. So for the show to just have him come in and act like everything is fine with him and Maddie I felt like was a huge problem and major disservice to Buck’s character and growth.

I’m not saying I didn’t want Maddie and Buck to make up, I definitely did. But Buck has never been good at putting his true feelings first and expressing himself. Buck has been selfish at times (plenty in season 1) but he has never been good about speaking up for what he needs and speaking truthfully to the people in his life about things he was dealing with. I mean he barely told Abby how he felt when he saw her again, he mostly stayed quiet and let her make it all about herself when he really should have been like “wtf why did you ghost me for no reason?”. Or when he didn’t tell everyone how hard he was pushing himself to go back to work and then developed a blood clot, or when he was scared to tell everyone he was seeing a therapist. He holds a lot back.

My point is if we’re supposed to be seeing Buck mature into a “better” version of himself he even said something about Buck 3.0 in a recent episode. How can that change happen if the show doesn’t let him evolve and let his relationships evolve. Even with the 118. I know they love him but I feel like they still see him as the hot headed screw up from season 1 sometimes. It’d be nice if they saw how much he’s grown too. (Not talking about Eddie. Eddie sees Buck more than anyone else does. He was the only one who told Buck he had every right to express how he felt and that he didn’t have to forgive his parents.)

Back to Maddie I think it was vital for Buck and for their relationship that we should have seen Buck tell her something like “it hurt that you kept that from me when you were the only family I ever really had (before the 118)”. I love Buck and Maddie’s relationship so I’m not saying I wanted some huge fight or for it to get drawn out on the show but I wanted Buck to express his pain and for him to call Maddie out on how wrongly she handled things. I know that she was also a victim of their parents abuse (not to mention everything with Doug) but that doesn’t absolve her from her lies to Buck once they both weren’t living with their parents anymore.

To be honest I don’t even understand why Maddie called her parents to come to LA. She said something about how because she has a baby on the way she wanted to reconnect with them but there is no connecting with people who are that toxic. And her need to connect with them shouldn’t have had to involve Buck if he didn’t want to see them. I definitely don’t understand why Maddie thought it was her place to tell their parents about Buck going to therapy especially without asking him. She told Buck that he should open up and tell them how he’s been feeling but like why? They clearly never cared about his feelings before and it was obvious when they all had dinner together they still don’t. At the dinner I didn’t like how Maddie seemed to be quiet most of the time or trying to just keep the peace with her parents vs standing up for Buck the way he did for her. At one point their mother got upset talking about the hospital and it sounded like she was going to talk about Daniel and Maddie stopped her. It’s like Maddie didn’t want the secret to get out to Buck either. Yet Maddie had no problem telling Chimney.

I’ve seen people saying stuff like no one better hate on Maddie. I don’t hate Maddie but I have a lot of issues with choices she made and the fact that it didn’t feel like she owned up to them to Buck at the end. It’s altered how I look at her and her relationship with Buck to a extent. Maddie lied to Buck even when she didn’t have to anymore. She told other people something that she should have only been telling Buck. She told her parents Buck’s business. She brought her parents to LA without asking Buck if he wanted to see them. She tried to excuse her parents by saying “they were grieving” . Grief is not an excuse to keep huge secrets from your children, to lie to them continually, and it’s definitely not an excuse to abuse your children.

I have empathy for what Buck’s whole family went through including his parents. I can’t imagine the kind of pain that parents would go through losing their child. But no child should have to bare the burden of their parents pain and that’s essentially what they made Maddie and Buck do.

I know this got pretty long but Buck is my favorite character I relate to him a lot, even more so after watching some of the current episodes. These eps about his family were just painful. I wanted to protect Buck because I felt like no one in his family was. I know what he was feeling in these episodes. Alone and unloved and like he couldn’t trust anyone and like no one in his family was on his side.

The whole montage at the end with Maddie and Buck which was supposed to tug on our hearts and remind us of this great bond they share as siblings ended up feeling kind of hollow to me. I think it could have been a beautiful scene if the show had used it after allowing them to talk about what had happened. It would have shown all they had been through and how they had grown and were moving forward. That they were all the (biological) family they needed and their parents didn’t matter. But since the show didn’t allow that kind of recognition the montage felt more like the show was saying we’re just going to sweep all that drama under the rug now it’s over and done with, here’s some pretty pictures. You don’t instantly move on from knowing someone you trusted lied to you your whole life. I just really wish the show would have done better for Buck in these episodes and better with telling a storyline about abuse. I know this is probably an unpopular opinion but I just felt like I needed to rant about it. If you made it down this far thanks for reading. 💗

[florenceandthemachine]

broken Tumblr asks part ??: in which I think I figured out that adding a read more into the asks are what breaks them.

anonymous asked:

the team makes Buck cry. send tweet.

hi anon I really am sorry if you were hoping for some hurt / comfort bc uh. this is just the hurt. xoxox

also my love, thanks, and eternal devotion to @buckleydiazs for giving it a quick beta 💖

Buck was on cloud fucking nine.

For a year—an entire year—he had been stuck in the doctors office, twice a month, while they ran test after test after his… multiple accidents. Blood tests, lung tests, flexibility tests, he had been poked like a pincushion and stretched like a rubber band, he had been through physical therapy, occupational therapy, and just regular therapy (hell, he was still in regular therapy), and now finally, finally, he was finished. 

“So, you don’t show any signs of abnormal clotting and your risk for a second pulmonary embolism is low. As far as your ankle goes, but you’ve regained full mobility, and as much as I wish I could take all the credit for that, I know you’ve been working your ass off in therapy. Congratulations, Mr. Buckley.”

He was cleared. Fully out of the woods. Clean bill of health. 

Finally, finally, after a year of hell, he could put everything—his crushed leg, his bleeding lungs, his stupid lawsuit—behind him. Finally, he could breathe easy, easier than he had in a year, and the only thing he wanted to do in the entire world was share the news with his family. 

Normally, Maddie would have been first, but he always felt bad about tying up a dispatcher when he called her at work. Her shift ended in an hour or so, though—like his normally would have, if he didn’t have his schedule switched during doctor days.

Well, if he can’t tell his sister, he can still tell his family. 

“Hey, Chim!”

Buck is all smiles as locks his Jeep, his medical release in hand, jogging easily to catch up to Chim’s retreating backside. Buck grinned as Chim turned around, raising his brow. “Hey, do you and Hen have a second? I wanted to show you both my—“

“Oooh, sorry, no can do Buckeroo. Hen’s taking her MCAT’s in two days, I have every second of her free time booked solid with studying.”

Buck faltered a little bit as they walked, raising his brow. While he really was proud of Chim for doing a full 180 so quickly—going from feeling betrayed to supporting a friend was no easy feat, and Buck knew that as well as anyone, but he also knew that a full day of studying wouldn’t do any good. 

“Come on, Chim, I’m sure she can take a break to—“

“Noooo, Buck.”

“Chim.”

“Buck, seriously. She’s been working too hard for this, and I’m not having you break up her flow. This is important to her, you get that right?”

Of course Buck got it, but…

“I’m not going to let anyone ruin this for her.”

….ruin it? He just wanted to share some good news.

He understood that Hen had to study, and that her upcoming MCATS were really important to her, but this was important to Buck; and for Chim to jump straight to that degree made his heart sink a little bit with each beat, his head traitorously whispering to him ‘what if Chim is right?’. Hen had been one of his biggest supporters as he got off of blood thinners, as he started back into his various therapies, and he had thought he returned the favor, helping her study in his free time whenever he could, and helping her take her mind off of things when she needed to as well—maybe his distractions were more harm than good, but he knew Hen well enough to know that if no one pulled her away from her work, she just wouldn’t eat, sleep, go home, any of it. Was it really that bad that Buck wanted a minute?

He felt his smile start to slip so he hitched it back up, nodding his head. “Yeah, sure, I… okay, just hit me up when you’re all done, I guess?” He said, hoping his voice sounded more confident than he felt. It must have worked, because Chim clapped both of his arms and turned away, leaving Buck standing there for a moment before he shook himself out of it.

It was fine. Hen wanted to study, that was important. Buck tried to pump himself back up as he took the stairs to the loft two at a time, reveling in the simple act of fully rolling his ankle. He tilted his head as he heard Bobby’s voice spill out of his office, turning on his heel to his next target. Besides, Bobby sounded frustrated—some good news would do him good, or so Buck thought. 

“…no, I don’t—no, we can’t just take—wait, what? No, I will not hold!”

Buck almost laughed as he knocked on the Cap’s open door, smiling when Bobby waved him inside.

“Look, forgive me if I’m not entirely sympathetic, but when we’re down an engine, and you can’t tell us when repairs will be done—well then you’d better transfer me to someone who can!”

“Everything alright, Cap?” Buck couldn’t help but smile as Bobby strangled his phone, sighing in defeat when the plastic wouldn’t yield. 

“You know, Marty was a crook in the end, but damn, he was a good mechanic. What’s up, Buck?”

Buck winced at the reminder of the nearly would-be heist, humming thoughtfully as he waved his full release forms. “Well, this shouldn’t take long. I got back from the doctors today, and—“

Bobby’s groan cut him off, hanging his head in his free hand. “No, Buck, no. I can’t have you sick right now, and nothing good ever follows ‘doctor’.”

Buck laughed, but Bobby kept going, the stress of the day and being down an engine clearly getting to him as he continued on. “And the last time I heard “doctor” from you, it was followed by lawsuit, which—yes, I’m still holding, hello?”

Lawsuit?

What the fuck? 

Buck reeled back like he had been slapped, the smile frozen on his face even with Bobby’s clear dismissal. He was glad that he didn’t have to say anything else, at the very least, because his throat felt hot and tight and it was all he could do to stay steady as he pivoted on his heel, walking out of the office. 

He hated the fact that that was the first thing Bobby brought up, but he hated even more how much that dark cloud was still lingering over his head. If Bobby would be so candid when Buck was barely two words in to saying something, who’s to say what choice words he had about Buck when he was gone? 

The lawsuit was the worst part of his life, the biggest mistake he had made, and he couldn’t wrap his head around it being thrown in his face when he was ready to walk in and share what was the best news he had ever received. Is that… all he would have here, all he would have been able to look forward to?

He started back down the stairs, his legs acting independently of the rest of his body, a dull tingling spreading through his chest as he finally sat down. He didn’t know if there was a happy medium between cold and numb (‘shock’, his mind provided, ‘you’re in shock’), but whatever it was, he was deep into it.

God, he had honestly thought that was all behind him. How fucking stupid was he to think that he was going to be able to come back from a mistake that huge, even a year later?

“Buck?”

He could feel himself starting to panic—loathe as he was to admit it—but as per usual, Eddie was a step ahead of the game without even knowing it. Even now, just hearing Eddie take a few steps closer to him started to ease his heartbeat, and he swallowed a few times as he nodded, fighting off the headrush as he was able to breathe again.

“Hey, Buck, you good?”

“Hey, Eddie, uh…hey!” Buck stood up and wiped his hands on his pants, paperwork forgotten next to him as he tried to smile. If anything, he knew—he knew to his very core, he knew, he… he prayed Eddie would be able to share this little victory with him. “Eds, you have a second to talk?“

Buck almost swallowed his tongue as the alarm sounded through the station, his jaw clicking shut as footsteps started to come down the stairs. 

“Hey, we’ll talk later, yeah?” Eddie called, already heading to his locker. It was all Buck could do to hold it together, nodding his head as he waved them off, letting out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding when the ladder pulled out of the station.

--

Eddie may have had a good start on his day, but Buck did not. 

He had woken up, kissed Christopher goodbye as Carla brought him to school, and less than ten minutes later, he had a brown envelope in hand, with a curt “You’ve been served”.

Shannon’s will was being contested. The will that Eddie didn’t even know she had. By her father, who Eddie had only seen twice in several years of marriage. 

The will was simple enough—a few grand left to Christopher’s college fund, a small pair of earrings to her sister, and that was it. There was nothing to contest, in Eddie’s mind, but contested it was.

He looked over the paperwork twice, and it made less sense the second time around—as much as he hated to admit it, the worst part of it all was knowing that Eddie was going to be alone at work again, because Buck had another day off scheduled in the books. 

So yeah, he may have been a little grumpy as he threw a few weights around in the work room for the start of his shift.

As much as he didn’t want to admit it, Eddie was spiraling; he couldn’t understand how someone could be so bitter, so selfish, to try and stop a few thousand dollars from going into a college fund for their grandchild. His mood only soured as his shift went on, there were no distractions, no calls, nothing to help him pull his head out of his ass, and no one he could talk to. Chim had almost bitten his head off when he said hello to Hen that morning, Bobby was dealing with yet another broken down, tax funded nightmare, and Buck—

And Buck was here. 

“Buck?”

Eddie did an honest to god double take as he saw Buck sitting on the bench, like he had been summoned from the depths of Eddie’s mind, even though he looked like he was in a state of shock.

“Hey, Buck, you good?”

He couldn’t lie, it made his heart skip a beat when Buck smiled at him—even if he could tell that Buck’s heart wasn’t in it. 

Before he could say anything more, the alarm sounded through the house, and Eddie was about a step away from fully losing his mind. “Hey, we’ll talk later, yeah?” He said, trying to give a small smile as he started to double back to his locker.

The call, to put it mildly, had not gone well—any fire call where the main focus wasn’t the fire was bound to be troublesome. A ten year old had started a fire in a laundry room, which should have been simple enough, except it was the same laundry room that he and his brother had apparently been locked up on for months. 

Suddenly what started out as a fire call turned into fire, medics, and police, and Eddie felt his hands start to shake as he worked with Hen to revive a ten year old boy. Barely older than Christopher. It wasn’t the first time he had seen abuse face to face, and he knew it wouldn’t be the last, but something about it was working him up more than usual. He was glad his shift was almost over—the only thing he wanted to do was go home, hug his kid, and sleep.

“—ooh, Mads, they’re back, gotta go. Hey, Eddie!”

He knew he was in deep when not even hearing Buck’s voice could brighten his mood—it was all he could do to hitch a half-hearted smile onto his face as he stepped off of the spare rig.

“Good call, right? Maddie said it sounded like everyone should pull through.”

Eddie just felt himself wind up tighter as he shook his head, rolling his jaw to force himself to keep it loose. “No, Buck. It was not a good call. It was a very bad call.” Bad didn’t even begin to cover it. Eddie could still feel his heart in his throat, feel a tiny body in his arms as Hen started compressions.

He was too wrapped in his own world to notice Buck falter, clearly thrown in the conversation. “Well, hey, if you’ve got a second—“

“Come on Buck, give it a break. I just want to get the fuck out of here as soon as I can.”

Pulling his boots off, he tossed them with perhaps a bit more force than needed into his locker, missing the way that Buck’s face shuttered. “You too, huh?”

“‘You too’? The hell is that supposed to mean?”

“Eddie, I just wanted to share some good news, and—“

“Well things aren’t just good or bad, Buck! Just because no one died does not make a good call, and just because things are bad right now doesn’t mean I have to be cheered up. I’m allowed to be pissed off. I’m allowed to have one fucking minute!” Eddie snapped, chucking his jacket against the hamper in the corner, jaw clenched so hard he would have been afraid of cracking a tooth if he was in his right state of mind.

“So please, tell me what is so god damned important that I can’t see my kid until you tell me.”

The moment the words left his lips, he knew it was a mistake. The only person that loved Chris as much as Eddie was Buck, and he knew that, saw that more clearly than ever as his white hot anger dulled into something more manageable. He swallowed as he turned around, and… fuck, Buck wasn’t even looking at him.

“…Buck, I—“

--

“Clean bill of health.”

Buck couldn’t bring himself to look up up as he tossed the stack of papers onto the bench, doing his absolute best to keep himself composed as he spoke, his jaw tight and brow furled. 

He had been so proud of himself for avoiding a panic attack while they were on the call. He had never gotten them before this past year, but between the earthquake, tsunami, Maddie’s kidnapping, and bomb, he had become fast friends with the crushing weight. But he had done well—he kept himself above water, so to speak, and when he called Maddie he was proud to say that his voice was almost steady, and prouder still when she congratulated him for his job well done in therapy, demanding he come over and celebrate tonight. 

Well, even if he couldn’t count on his family friends team, he could always count on Maddie. It was a small joy in the world, but right now, it felt like it was all he had.

“Officially back to 100% mobility in my crushed ankle, officially out of the woods for another clot. Did you know it would take me a year to be clear of another embolism, because I refused blood thinners? Well, I figured you might, since you’re been running calls without me, every other week for a year, while I sit in a hospital room.”

Buck finally brought himself up to meet his teammates eye as Eddie’s frustration started to give way to confusion, and that, that hurt more than anything else today. Had anyone even realized why his schedule changed every other week? Did anyone care? “And alright, like you said, it might not be that important to you all but—“

“Buck, you—“

“But it’s really fucking important to me! All I wanted to do was share the good news with the people who are supposed to be family, my team, and instead all I got was blown off, snapped at—Eddie, I mentioned the word doctor in front of Bobby and his first concern was if he had another lawsuit on his hands.”

Buck was mildly aware that he was shaking—he had never really handled stress like this well—but the bigger concern was the tightening in his throat, that sinking pressure he felt right beneath his lungs. He could handle a lot of things, but that didn’t mean he could handle crying in front of Eddie quite yet.

“It’s been a year, Eddie, and I thought things were getting better, so what gives? What did I do, what have I done to deserve being treated like this? I’m serious, please, tell me, so I can fix it!”

Buck’s voice was reaching a fevered pitch as he gestured around the locker room, feeling himself splinter as he begged, literally begged, to know what he had done—why his work had meant nothing. Would he be mortified later? Probably, but everyone had a breaking point, and Buck was realizing (belatedly) that he was past his.

“All I wanted to do today was share a victory with my team, at least share it with you, you’re supposed to be my best friend, and I—I don’t get why—“

If Buck could clearly see Eddie’s face, he might have laughed at the pale, slack jawed, panicked expression before him. As it was, though, his eyes were starting to burn, and even as he reached to rub them, his body finally gave up, tears rolling down his cheeks. 

“Why is everyone being so fucking mean?” 

Buck didn’t bother with another platitude as he pushed past Eddie, rubbing tear tracks off of his cheeks. He felt his face heat up as he stormed out of the firehouse, fumbling for his keys, and heaven help any member of the 118 who stood in his way. 

--

Buck was crying.

The team had made Buck cry.

Fuck, Eddie had made Buck cry. 

He just stood in the locker room as the sound of Buck’s Jeep faded into the distance, feeling his heartbeat throughout his entire body. All Buck wanted to do was share some positivity with the team, and Eddie had… eviscerated him. He bent down to pick up some of the papers Buck had left behind, his heart falling even further (as if that was possible) as he read over the paperwork.

Fuck.

“Hey, Eddie, is Buck in here? Chim said he wanted to talk to—woah, what’s wrong?”

The sweat on Eddie’s skin had cooled (hell, how long had he been standing there?) and guilt sunk heavier into his stomach as Hen walked into the locker room, with Chim trailing behind her. Eddie’s eyes were still glued to the release in his hand, barely noticing as Chim spoke, staring down at his phone. 

“Uhhh… why is Maddie telling me to camp out with one of you tonight?” he asked the room as a whole, sharing a confused glance with Hen before they both locked eyes on Eddie, who… well, who probably looked as bad as he felt.

Which, considering Eddie felt like he was about to cry himself, was saying a lot.

“We fucked up. I fucked up. I think—I think we broke Buck.”

And he had no idea how to fix it. 

[inawickedlittletown]

The Heart is Hard to Translate (buddie one-shot)

Summary: In which going to therapy helps Eddie figure out his feelings. 

Ship: Buck/Eddie

Words: 3,342

Notes: This was a plot bunny from the other night. I was thinking about Eddie in therapy and also his conversation with Bobby and so this happened. Enjoy.

Title from Florence and the Machine's "All This and Heaven Too" which is absolutely fitting and just a gorgerous song.  

Read on Ao3

----

“So, tell me, Eddie, how does this all fit in with Buck? Why were you so angry at him?”

Therapy was kind of...no, it was stupid. Eddie hated it. He wasn’t good with talking about things and he was especially not good at talking about his feelings. But going to therapy was one of the conditions of being able to keep working after Bobby found out about the fighting. And if Eddie was going to be really honest, he had to admit that there was something to it even if he didn’t feel entirely comfortable being there. 

“Because of the lawsuit,” Eddie said. “It was so dumb. He does stupid stuff like that all the time.”

The therapist, Frank, nodded. “Okay. I get that. But he wanted his job back, right? That’s why he did it.”

“I know,” Eddie said. 

In retrospect, he understood Buck’s side of it a lot more. He understood that Buck wasn’t being selfish or doing it maliciously but that he was doing it out of sheer desperation. Buck had been angry at Bobby and angry at the situation and he’d done the only thing he could think to do. Eddie understood that. He more than understood anger. 

“He didn’t talk to me about it,” Eddie said. “He just — one day we’re hanging out and he’s babysitting my son and then the next I get told by Bobby that I’m not allowed to talk to him and that he’s not allowed to talk to me. He just left us. He left us with no warning and without a care because what he wanted mattered more than anything else that might have been going on.”

“Hmm. So this would have been better if he came to you about it first.”

Eddie shrugged his shoulders. “Maybe. Probably.”

“Except that if he came to you with the idea, you would have told him not to do it. Right? Even if Buck felt that it was the only way he was getting his job back the possibility that you would change his mind was there.”

“The job was always his. He’s on blood thinners...he just had to wait until he didn’t need them anymore. The job was always his.” 

Eddie didn’t understand why they were talking about Buck. He didn’t get the point of it when he and Bobby had already established that his anger and his pain and all the repressed feelings were about Shannon and Shannon’s death. Maybe all the stuff with Buck had been going on at the same time, but it all went back to Shannon. Not Buck.

“So, you were angry with him.”

Eddie nodded. “Yeah.”

“But why did Buck doing that make you so angry? I mean, I get it...he’s your partner at work and you’re close friends. You rely on him for child care—”

Eddie cut Frank off. “I don’t know,” he said. “I just couldn’t stand it. I couldn’t stand that I couldn’t call him when I needed him and that I couldn’t see him. My son kept asking for him and after the tsunami and everything they went through together I knew Buck was the perfect person to speak to Chris. But I couldn’t call him. I wasn’t allowed to. And somehow, he was okay with that. He made that choice. He didn’t care that he couldn’t call me...he didn’t care about Christopher or his well being. Buck just cared about Buck.”

His therapist wrote something down on his notebook. “But Buck didn’t owe you any of that. He’s not your child’s primary caretaker, he clearly had his own problems to deal with. Including his own trauma from the tsunami.”

“He wasn’t supposed to leave us. He wasn’t supposed to leave me. Not like—”

“Shannon,” Frank finished for him. 

Eddie felt like he’d been punched in the gut. It was all right there. It made absolute sense. It was about Shannon, but it was about Buck too. He’d come to rely on Buck and then Buck wasn’t there anymore and the way that Christopher had asked for him had felt like when Christopher was asking for his mom the first time she left them. Buck left them...it was just like when Shannon did. 

“But he did and he came back. Are you still angry?”

When he thought about it, maybe, but not like before. It was different...more muted. 

“I’m not angry with Buck,” Eddie said. 

“And what is the nature of his role in your life now?” Frank said and he seemed to be scrutinizing Eddie closely. 

“He’s my friend. I work with him,” Eddie said and he had no idea what he was getting at. 

“But in your mind you see him as important in your life as Shannon was and not just yours but your son’s as well. I want you to think about that, Eddie.”

Eddie did think about that. He sort of thought about it a lot. The thing of it was that maybe he’d allowed Buck to become so important in his life that when he wasn’t there it felt like Shannon all over. He’d come to rely on Buck for too much...maybe more than he ever should have at all. But Eddie had never had a friend like Buck before — a best friend. So maybe that’s what it was. Their closeness and how lost he’d felt when he couldn’t reach for his phone and text or call Buck. How in his anger he’d ended up arrested and unable to call the one person that would bail him out no questions asked. Lena had been an option only because she was practically a stranger. Eddie was lucky that he’d had her phone number at all. 

And then, Eddie had to wonder about how he would have felt if anyone else at the 118 did what Buck did. He was friends with Hen in part because Denny and Christopher got along well enough to prompt playdates, but if Hen had been the one in Buck’s shoes...well, Eddie didn’t think he would have been mad at all. Not like with Buck. 

That night, he and Christopher went over to Buck’s place. It was only the second time that they were hanging out outside of work since Buck had returned and Eddie forgave him and Eddie could easily admit that all the therapy in the world could never hold candle to how much better he felt about everything when he was standing next to Buck and when they were together. 

It was all the therapy that Eddie needed. 

Maybe he did need Buck to stop apologizing for everything less. Because he was forgiven and because all of Eddie’s anger...it was misplaced and wrong and it wasn’t because he was angry at Buck at all. More like maybe he had been angry at himself. 

He had another session a week later and he spent a lot of the time between sessions ruminating over all of it. In the meanwhile, Buck was his partner at work and they could work side by side and bump shoulders and share smiles. Some days they went to their separate homes, but other nights they were together at his or Buck’s with Christopher. It was how they belonged, he realized. Together. Him and Buck and Christopher. 

“So, Eddie, did you think about what I said last time?” 

Eddie nodded and he couldn’t help a smile. “I did.”

“And?” 

“I think maybe I love him. I love Buck.”

“Yes. I think so too. And is that cause for panic? Or is that a good thing?”

Therapists asked too many questions. They pried and they wanted to get to the bottom of things and it wasn’t something that Eddie enjoyed. Per Bobby he really only had a few more sessions to go. 

“No. I don’t think it is. I think it makes everything make sense.” 

Eddie just didn’t know if Buck felt the same way or if he could even consider them an option. Hell, Eddie didn’t even know if Buck was attracted to men. Clearly, Eddie was, even if it was a part of himself that he hadn’t thought about for a long time. He’d had a wife and that had eliminated everyone else from his radar, even the gorgeous blue eyed firefighter that made him take a double take the first day they met. 

“And that explains your anger better, doesn’t it? And now, Eddie, I do want to make it clear that what you’re going through cannot be fixed by another person. Buck can’t be the answer to your problems. It isn’t fair to him and it isn’t fair to you. So you love him. But loving him isn’t enough to extinguish all your pain or your anger and the fear of abandonment.” 

“But—”

Frank shook his head. “I can’t say it’s wrong that you’ve figured out how you feel about Buck. I’m completely behind you on that but are you ready to tell him that? Are you ready to find out what that means for him? I don’t want to be negative, Eddie, but if he doesn’t return these feelings, will you feel abandoned again? Will that bring the anger back?”

Eddie didn’t know how to respond. He didn’t know what he was supposed to say. The thing was that Frank only really knew Buck through everything Eddie had told him. He couldn’t know the kind of person that Buck was. Buck wouldn’t leave. Even if he never felt the same way about Eddie, he wouldn’t leave. That wasn’t Buck. 

“He won’t leave,” Eddie said. 

“Why?”

“Because he’s Buck. He doesn’t run away from anything. He fought to get back to his job and to me. I didn’t even realize that’s what it was — I was mad at him over it. He fought to find Christopher during the tsunami. He isn’t Shannon.”

Frank was smiling. “No, he’s not. And it’s clear your faith in him is strong. I think there’s still a lot we can keep discussing. I think everything you’ve gone through has left marks that we can keep working through. I want to keep meeting with you, Eddie, even after our mandated sessions are over.” 

Eddie nodded. Maybe he could keep going to them and he could keep talking through his problems. Frank, after all, had been the one to get Eddie to realize his feelings. 

That afternoon, when he got home he found Christopher curled up with Buck on the couch. They were watching Dumbo of all things — the classic animated version. 

“Daddy! You’re home!” Christopher’s head poked over the top of the couch and Eddie leaned over to give him a quick hug. 

“Hey, kiddo.” 

He managed to kiss Chris’ head as he turned back to the movie. 

“Hey,” Eddie said, looking at Buck. “Where’s Carla?” 

“I was bored so I stopped by. Told her she could go home early if she wanted. I figured I could hang out with Christopher until you got home. How was it?” 

Buck’s head was tipped back on his couch. His lips were turned up into a smile and his eyes were so deeply blue in the light. 

“It was good. Kind of getting the hang of the whole thing,” Eddie said. 

“Oh. That’s good. No more impulses to hit something?” 

“Nope. Not currently.” 

There were other impulses instead. He wanted to reach out and touch Buck’s face and trace his features with his fingers until he could memorize him under touch. He wanted to mess up his hair. He wanted to kiss him and to kiss the birthmark on his eyebrow because he loved the way it stood out on his face, making him just that much more interesting. Eddie wanted to hug him and never let him go. He wanted to grasp his hand. He wanted more than he could ever hope to get.

“Eddie? You alright, man?” 

Eddie blinked. He’d been standing there just staring at Buck. 

“I — yeah, I’m good.”

“Well, you don’t have anything to do right now. Come join us.”

“Yeah, daddy. Come watch the movie.”

Eddie nodded. He dropped his things on the table by the couch and then sat down on Buck’s side. He tried to keep his distance but Chris reached over Buck to grab his hand and so he had to move closer. Their legs were touching and so were their shoulders and Buck’s weight sort of settled into him. It felt right. 

It was later. Much later, after they’d watched another two movies and gotten take-out for dinner, that Eddie realized that any tension that he’d had left over from the therapy session was gone. Any worry about what might happen if he told Buck had dissipated enough that he could consider doing it. 

It was a school night so even though Christopher tried to argue against it, Eddie made him get up and get ready for bed. Buck jumped in to help and wound up reading a quick bedtime story to Christopher once the boy had made it into his bed. 

“Goodnight, buddy,” Buck said. 

“Love you, Buck.” 

“Love you too,” Buck said and his voice was tinged with emotion. 

Christopher would always be braver than him. Eddie had no idea if he could say those three words out loud and directed at Buck. 

“Love you, daddy,” Christopher added after Eddie had kissed his forehead. 

“Goodnight. I love you, kid.” 

“That was something,” Buck said afterwards, back in Eddie’s living room. 

“What can I say, you’ve made an impression on us,” Eddie said. 

“Us?” 

“Yeah,” Eddie said and looking at Buck and how he shifted his feet nervously, it gave Eddie the strength. If he didn’t do this, he would regret it. “I talked about you a lot in therapy.”

“Because you were angry at me?” Buck asked. 

Eddie gave a short nod and then because he thought that standing made the whole thing weird he motioned for Buck to sit and he sat down next to him. They were turned towards each other leaving space between them. Their knees brushed together. 

“I don’t think I was ever really angry at you. I was angry because you weren’t here and it felt like that meant that I wasn’t enough for you because you just went and started that lawsuit and you didn’t even think about talking to me about it first. You didn’t consider me or Christopher in your decision and Frank helped me realize why I felt like I should have had a voice in all of it.”

Buck didn’t seem to know what to say and Eddie didn’t know if he could continue. 

“Ed, you know it was a spur of the moment decision, right? I was angry at Bobby. The lawyer had already put the idea in my head and it made sense. I wasn’t thinking about anything else but the job and getting back to it and to you and everyone else.”

“I know,” Eddie said. “I know.” They’d gone over it enough times. 

“It was me not thinking about anyone. Not because you’re not good enough. That’s — that’s ridiculous. You can’t ever think like that about yourself ever again.”

Eddie let out a sigh. “I guess Shannon did more damage than I ever noticed. Did you know she wanted a divorce? Told me so a few nights before she—”

Buck’s hand had found his and Eddie focused on the touch. It was grounding. It was necessary. It was everything and Eddie wanted to always have the option of holding that hand. 

“It felt like that, when I found out about the lawsuit. Like when Shannon left,” Eddie admitted. 

“It wasn’t about you,” Buck said. “I was just—”

“No, Buck. I know. I know. I don’t blame you for what you did, Buck. I get it. I really do, now. But at the time it hurt and it was because I connected the two things and not being able to talk to you was the last straw in my sanity. I don’t know.”

Buck squeezed his hand. “It was hard for me too. Harder when you kept giving me the cold shoulder.”

“Oh, god. I know. I know. I’m so sorry about it, Buck. I was such an—”

“You were understandably upset, dude. We’re past it.”

Eddie nodded. They could leave it at that. It could be enough. But looking at Buck and knowing that Buck’s hand was on his...Eddie had to tell him. Even if Buck never saw him that way, he couldn’t keep his feelings secret. 

“There’s a reason I felt so strongly. It was my therapist that helped me see it.”

“Yeah?” 

“I, um, it’s because I...I have feelings for you, Buck.”

“You have feelings for me,” Buck said. “Eddie, I—”

Eddie was quick to interrupt. “You don’t have to say anything. Buck, I’ll understand if you don’t—”

Buck’s index finger pressed against his lips and when their eyes met, Eddie could tell that Buck wasn’t upset or angry or any of it. He wasn’t even confused or trying to figure something out. Instead, he was a touch amused and maybe nervous and his lips were quirking up into a smile. 

“You’re more than enough, Eddie. To me, you’re enough. You’re everything.” 

Buck’s finger remained on his lips, so Eddie reached up and grasped Buck’s wrist, pulling his hand away but keeping his hold on Buck’s wrist.  “What are you saying?”

“That it’s possible I’ve been in love with you from the first time I saw you.”

“And then you were kind of a jerk?” Eddie asked.

Buck chuckled. “Didn’t really know what to do about it, did I? And, I was a little jealous.”

“A lot.”

Buck scoffed and he looked like he was ready to argue but he shook his head. “That...it doesn’t matter. Is this going to be like this always? Because if you’re going to keep teasing me, then I’ll take it back. Maybe it’s Chim that I love. Maybe I’m only here because of your kid and—”

Eddie loved him. He loved this man that loved him back. And Buck was talking but Eddie was hardly hearing it, so when he leaned forward and pressed their lips together when Buck was mid word, he had no idea what he’d interrupted. Buck kissed him back in less than a second, pressing back into the kiss but letting Eddie lead. Their lips moved together and when Buck’s hand came up to cup Eddie’s jaw, Eddie pressed ever closer, his arms drawing Buck against him until Eddie was pressed into the armrest of the chair and Buck was leaning into him and they just kept kissing and kissing and kissing. 

He loved him. 

Buck loved him back. 

When they were giggling against each other little giddy school children, Eddie felt like everything was finally right. Buck kissed down his jaw and pecked his lips and then his fingers were tracing his cheek bones before they were kissing again. And Eddie never wanted it to end. 

A week later, Eddie told Frank that he told Buck. That Buck loved him back. 

“I’m glad. But, like I said, Eddie, there’s still a lot of work for us to do.”

“I know. I just...I think I’m happy.”

“That’s good. I’m glad. It’s a start for where I’d love for you to be.”

That night, Christopher cuddled between him and Buck. Christopher had insisted that after he was done with his homework that they needed to watch Cinderella. He was on a real Disney classics phase but Eddie didn’t mind. Even with Christopher between them, Buck had reached over and his fingers were a ghost touch on his neck and shoulder. Eddie turned occasionally to grasp his hand and kiss it. 

Things were going to be okay. And maybe the whole therapy thing wasn’t the worst thing that could have happened. But mostly, he was glad for Buck and how much better everything was with Buck at his side. 

---

Notes: I do like to think that eventually Buck ends up going to therapy once all his trauma catches up to him and it happens to be with Frank and Frank already knows way too much about Buck before he even meets him. Let me know what you all thought! 

[briinstardust]

okay so here we go. We’ll just start with some baseline. bear with me here.

Evan’s ready to come back to work, he suffers a medical emergency leading him to need to go onto blood thinners, and we are not told for how long he needs to be on them.

The problem starts here, Bobby visits Buck in the hospital. and sometime after this encounter decides that Buck is not ready to be in the field. Okay. he’s on blood thinners and doesn’t need to be in the field. period.

Evan is on light duty, as the new Fire Marshall and seems to be happy doing it. Evan stops by the firehouse to drop off the report of the 118′s fire drill. While at the firehouse Evan sees Lena Bosko, and some jealousy flares inside him. From context, we’re lead to believe it’s a jealousy that she’s “taking his place”, okay. fine. We know Evan has abandonment issues. Evan see’s Lena’s made herself comfortable in Buck’s locker. Okay. I can see why Buck is feeling jealous, and see why it feels, to Buck, like his place is being filled with someone else. fine.

This is where we see the rise of the problem. Bobby, okay yes they got a call and had to leave. He could have said, to Buck, there was something important he needed to talk to him about, and told him to call him later? idk, a conversation, a something, to let Buck know he needed to talk to him.

instead what we get is Athena assuming Bobby did the thing he said he was going to do, bc why would she need to think her husband didn’t do the thing he said he was going to do.

So Buck sees this lawyer, this lawyer is a monster. This lawyer preys on Buck. (We’ll come back to this point, I promise. pt.2) We see Buck stand up for himself, and for his team, and his family. “You want to know who’s got my back? They do. They’re more than co-workers, or friends. They’re my family. There is nothing stronger than family.” Evan Buckley says these words to a lawyer who is an absolute monster.

Okay so here are the actual events that happened.

Bobby now with no choice but to confront Buck, and no longer on his own terms, blames his wife, saying “I still can’t believe that you invited him without talking to me first.” to which Athena replies, “I just wanted him to know, that no matter what, he’s still family. Thought dinner would give you two time to work things out.” Assuming Bobby told him, and didn’t want Buck to feel “Thrown aside” for lack of a better word. So when Athena calls Buck to invite him to dinner, Buck accepts, and this is all under the impression that Buck knows what happened with the Chief and everything. Athena refers to him as family. (reference above. this is a mutual feeling.) Athena is trying to build a bridge here, for Evan, to show him he is not alone, just bc he cannot come back to work yet. Athena says “It sounds like you’re taking your health very seriously,” looking at her husband. an indication that she thinks Evan is mature enough to handle being spoken to like an adult. Evan starts spiraling, like he does, leading Bobby to proclaim, “I’m the dumbass. You’re not ready. That’s what I told them, when they asked.” But bc Bobby did not have this conversation with Buck before now, Evan is all up in his feelings when Bobby drops the bomb at the dinner table. This leads to Evan becoming very upset, and leaving the dinner table, and we assume he goes home, all up in his feelings.

The next scene is Evan in the monster’s office.  Evan says, “I’m not sure we have much to say to each other right now, anyways.” and I’m going to talk about this (my feelings ahead.)

Holy Shit. Evan. Is this what we’re doing? Okay Evan. Are you sure? Are you fucking sure about that? You don’t have much to say about anything, to the members of the 118. I’m sorry, not your co-workers, Not your friends, but your fucking family, and you don’t have much of anything to say to them right now? 

This man is entirely up in his feelings, his feelings towards Bobby, I mind you, and has for some reason I’m still unable to grasp, associated the rest of his family with Bobby Nash. Eddie Diaz, Henrietta Wilson, Howie Han, are now all associated with Bobby Nash, and are no longer individual humans who have individual relationships with Evan Buckley. This is how I’ve interpreted this statement by Evan Buckley.

So because Evan has forgotten these people are individual humans, he then says “I’m alone in this fight” to which I have to say. Are you alone Evan? Do you not have a sister who takes care of you? Do you not have a best friend with a kid, you could vent to about how unreasonable Bobby is being? Do you not have a healthy friendship with Henrietta Wilson and her wife, Karen Wilson, who both show you love and support? Do you not have a friend who you’ve known for years, who also happens to date your sister, and who has been on the same side of Bobby’s decision making, that you are on now? But you are alone in this fight. Ok.

So Buck is all up in his feelings, and the lawsuit ensues. Bobby Nash, then tries to blame his wife, for some shit that she literally had nothing to do with, “None of this would have happened if you hadn’t invited him over to dinner”. And I just need to know, what the actual fuck am I watching right now? bc in what goddamn universe is Athena Grant at all to blame for Buck being all up in his feelings? She was trying to build a bridge here, which she might have been able to do, if Bobby had actually had a conversation with Buck, like an adult, if he hadn’t treated Buck like a child (even if he was treating him like an adult child, still a child none the less), and talked to him about his concerns with Buck’s medial situation. Hell, if he’d talked to Buck at all. period. then dinner might have gone differently.

So we’ve all seen that arbitration scene, so I’ll just touch on a couple of things. bc we still have a long way to go.

Evan Buckley is suing the LAFD, on the grounds of Discriminatory and unequal treatment on the part of Captain Nash. upon hearing this, Bobby replies, “I don’t treat Buck any differently than any other firefighter on my watch.” And Sir, this is false. (I touched on this a little already, and we’ve all seen the scene and know what evidence they produce, so I’m gonna move on).

I just need to say that Henrietta Wilson couldn’t have been more supportive, in this situation, given the restrictions that she has, with what she can and can’t say, so I have absolutely nothing to comment on with her answer of, “Every patient is different. Every injury is different.” except, that I agree.  We know what the monster then says, and we already know how I feel about the monster (so see the referenced quote again, if you’re unsure)

I just need to address the hurt, and disappointment on Eddie’s face rn. Eddie is sitting across this table from Buck, and Evan Buckley has his head hung with shame. The only interview in which Buck starts with his head turned down in shame. Evan is trying his damn hardest not to look Eddie Diaz in his eyes. This man has shame all over his face.

“It does make me understand the chain of command” he says, looking directly at Buck. When Buck feels Eddie’s eyes on him and he turns his eyes up and meet’s Eddie’s. Just wow. It is already very clear to me how upset Eddie is with Evan. More than anything, this reads to me like hurt feelings. (will reference again. Pt.2.)

Buck has Eddie out here in some arbitration bullshit, like Eddie Diaz, doesn’t have other things to fucking do today. They are looking at each other across from this table, while they’re having a wordless fight with each other. The body language on these two? And it’s not even so much of a fight, than it is Eddie looking at Buck and thinking this is incredibly impulsive, and selfish behavior, and you took this entirely too far, and Eddie now has to deal with the fallout of this behavior. (this will get referenced again. Pt 2.)

Buck just doesn’t want to look at Eddie at all. The monster asks Eddie if he was ready to return to work after his wife’s death, Evan’s eyes are looking absolutely anywhere but across the table at Eddie. Absolutely anywhere else.

Bobby will the the last thing we address in this post, we’re gonna have to do a part 2, bc this was entirely too long. Bobby.

Buck’s look of absolute shock and horror, when that monster said “alcoholism”. the second that word left his mouth, Buck’s face was. oh my god. The shock is indescribable. and now Buck is so disappointed in himself. The eyes, His eyes. He looks like he’s 100% about to cry. The eyes, the lip tremble.

I will note that Bobby is giving Buck a look. Buck takes this look that Bobby is giving him, and the disappointment spreads all over Buck’s face.

um I feel like maybe I need to reference back to 1.04 here bc it gets referenced, Buck says maybe ask for help sometime, and Bobby does. Buck helps him without a second thought. He actually did everything within his power to help Bobby return to his job, as Fire Captain. Twice. (I am also referring to the suspension here yes.)

[hellzyeahwebwielingessays]

The Not-So-Amazing Mary Jane Part 3: The Birth of Mysterio

Previous Part

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Master Post

Before we dive into specifics of Amazing Mary Jane, there is a large chunk of context we need to establish about Mysterio’s history. Specifically who he is and some of the crimes he’s committed over the years. I will generally be emphasising stuff that Mary Jane would likely or definitely be aware of; or at least could easily learn about with a little research. This is important to bear in mind when we look at MJ’s attitude to Beck in AMJ.

For starters, let’s consider how and why Beck ventured into a life of crime in the first place.

Life before Mysterio

Quentin Beck before he became a criminal had a college education to some extent and had major technical and chemical skills at his disposal. He became an accomplished special effects artists and stuntman and had regular employment. Long story short, he got bored and after failing to transition into acting (though he obviously had some acting talent) he was inspired to get involved with costume villainy.

Due to retcons in BND, it was established that he went back to work in Hollywood. However, he later got blacklisted when one of his effects injured someone. As originally presented and intended though, he basically turned to villainy out of boredom and frustration.

After being blacklisted Beck undertook his first major campaign against Spider-Man, whom (due to other retcons) he resented for foiling some of his crimes during his first foray into villainy.

Whether you look at him as originally presented or in the wake of all these retcons it’s clear that Beck didn’t get pushed into crime. It was a pure ego trip for him. Even with the retcon in mind realistically his skills and intelligence would garner him legitimate work elsewhere. In fact in the ‘Guardian Devil’ arc of Daredevil it’s established he was instrumental in developing certain technologies and processes that made advances in film making possible.

In short Quentin Beck became a criminal because he LIKED it. He is 100% not a tragic figure like the Lizard. He is not someone who’s environment made it difficult for him to be anything but a criminal, as is often the case for people in poverty stricken parts of the world. He wasn’t even someone like Doc Ock or Norman Osborn whose minds were (arguably) inadvertently affected by some kind of extenuating circumstance. Nor is he someone diagnosed with some kind of anti-social personality disorder like Cletus Kasady or Eddie Brock.

Regardless of whether you feel such mental conditions mitigate those villains, my point is Beck DEFINIETLY cannot be excused for his choice of becoming a criminal.

Virtually every crime he ever committed were the actions of a sane, rationale and intelligent person who happened to also be selfish, egotistical, greedy and often nasty. Maybe not nasty the way Carnage or the Green Goblin are, but nasty nevertheless.

I’m saying he’s not just ‘a villain’ but also an outright bad person.

And he’s been a bad person since basically the start of Spider-Man’s superhero career. That’s anywhere from 10-25 years, depending upon whose math you want to use.

The 1960s: Making an Entrance

Were we to take retcons into account, Mysterio’s first crime was his involvement with the Tinkerer way back in ASM #2, circa 1964! This was literally the fifth ever Spider-Man story to be created.

However, retcons not  withstanding Mysterio’s first major crime was impersonating and framing Spider-Man, back in ASM #13.

He then went on to bill himself as a hero and defeated Spider-Man.

These events were a huge news story at the time and thus it’s not unbelievable that MJ would know about them via osmosis. Granted, there is leeway on that because MJ was not living in NYC at this time but she was making sporadic trips there and had taken a casual interest in Spider-Man’s adventures; this was partially because she knew Peter was Spider-Man.

However, one would imagine that it’d likely come up in conversation with Peter over the years given how this was his first (known) encounter with Mysterio and MJ was present for several consequent ones. It’d also be believable given that it’s just common sense for Peter to inform MJ of any enemies who could possibly impersonate him. Forewarned is forearmed (as arguably Gwen’s death proved) so knowing about Mysterio could help MJ ensure the safety of herself and her loved ones; for example MJ’s Aunt Anna and cousin Kristy.

Furthermore it is important to note that Mysterio’s very first major solo effort was a form of identity theft (there is probably a more accurate descriptor but I don’t know of one). The crime was intentionally designed so that he could build up his own reputation off the back of someone else’s.  Does this perhaps remind you of another time Mysterio might’ve tried to selfishly benefit at the expense of another person’s reputation, not caring if he damaged it along the way? Like for example any female-led comic books released in 2019 for example?

The next time Mysterio duelled Spidey he used highly convincing robot duplicates of the (3 of the original 5) X-Men.

So, Mysterio is an expert in robotics and can create loyal and dangerous robotic servants. These robots can also trick people into thinking they are a real person, including Mysterio himself. Thus it’s very possible for Beck to convince someone he’s in one place when he’s actually in another, or alternatively get his robots to do something on his behalf when he’s otherwise indisposed.

Mary Jane 100% knows about these robot duplicates because versions of them (plus Iceman and Jean Grey) appear in Amazing Mary Jane #1.

It would suuuuuuuuure be illogical for MJ to just presume Mysterio would definitely NEVER misuse such robots for any nefarious schemes, or use them to slip under the noses of the press monitoring the movie. Or if he or his crew maybe used them to violate/evade justice somehow…

Also, just for the record, Mysterio was potentially risking damaging the reputation of the X-Men/mutants in general by creating duplicates of them. Yet another example of Mysterio is selfishly cavalier with someone else’s reputation.

Arguably (because I’m not an X-Men expert) this was especially awful because of how the general public already hated and feared mutants, who were of course chiefly allegorical to African Americans back in the 1960s. In this sense Mysterio could be viewed as exploiting societal bigotry or at least caring so little about it he doesn’t realise he’s potentially going to make it far worse. *

Mysterio’s third major encounter with Spidey was in a lot of ways one of his most twisted efforts.

His plan was to learn Spider-Man’s identity by convincing him that he was mentally ill…yeah…

Posing as psychiatrist Doctor Ludwig Rinehart, he convinced Jameson to publish an article claiming Spider-Man was heading for a major mental breakdown. 

To make this more convincing he used his illusions to make Spider-Man believe he was seeing things that weren’t really there. His efforts bore fruit as Peter genuinely began to doubt his own sanity.

Beck’s endgame was for Spider-Man to seek out treatment from ‘Rinehart’ and in his vulnerable state divulge his secret identity. It was only through Jameson’s inadvertent intervention that Peter’s secret (and loved ones) remained safe.

I’m not suggesting Mary Jane necessarily knows about this incident; though it’s possible Peter told her. It’s more relevant because it illustrates what a twisted person  Mysterio is to try and get to Spider-Man in such a way. It also illustrates the distress his illusionary skills can cause to people, both mentally and emotionally. This is a fact that Mary Jane need not have studied psychology to grasp; it’s just common sense. She knows Mysterio’s M.O. is tricking people into believing things that aren’t real and she’d know how believing something uncomfortable or frightening (even if it isn’t real) can be a dangerous and unhealthy thing. Her friend Harry Osborn had mental health problems that caused him to believe things that weren’t true and (for a time anyway) it destroyed him and harmed his family.

If you still think this is a concept MJ wouldn’t have grasped, then Mysterio’s next exploit would’ve likely convinced her.

During the course of Webspinners: Tales of Spider-Man #1-2 Mysterio intentionally attacked the mind of MJ’s acquaintance J. Jonah Jameson. He did this by tricking Jonah into believing he’d been killed and gone to Hell. Simultaneously he also framed Spidey for Jameson’s alleged murder.

Events from this story formed part of the screenplay for Mysterio’s biopic. Proof of this can be found in ASM v5 #29 wherein Peter and MJ are rehearsing Mysterio’s script and the dialogue is almost verbatim from the Webspinners story in question.

As such it is very possible that MJ would know about what Beck did to Jameson. One would imagine Peter would at least tell her about that in the course of rehearsing with her.

We are skipping ahead a bit, but another instance of Mysterio using his illusions to cause terror can be found in ASM #66. In the issue he hijacks TV airwaves and essentially delivers a terrorist message to the city at large. He depicts scenes of New York decimated and threatens to make them a reality unless Spidey confronts him. The incident upsets Aunt May (a woman with an underlying heart condition) and realistically would’ve distressed other people too. This might’ve included MJ’s Aunt Anna who was living with May at the time.

Given the public nature of this broadcast and the distress it caused Aunt Anna’s roommate, the chances are MJ would be aware of it. Even if she failed to catch it initially she’d have heard about it via sheer osmosis.

Even if you disagree, it’s yet another example of Mysterio selfishly and callously causing distress to people for his own ends. If one buys into Marvel’s sliding timescale these events also pack more of a punch since they would've happened post 9/11.

The 1970s: Scamming Seniors

We’re skipping ahead again all the way into the 1970s.

In ASM #141 Betty Brant and Ned Leeds inform Peter that Mysterio died a year earlier in prison. This horrifies Peter because he fought Mysterio earlier that very night.

This was public knowledge meaning there is a chance MJ would’ve heard about it in the news. But even if it wasn’t widely reported or if she just missed it, she’d have still likely heard about it. After all she was dating Peter at the time and was also very friendly with Betty (even serving as her Maid of Honour not too long after this). This is important to remember for the next section.

As it turns out he actually battled a new Mysterio, Danny Berkhart. Berkhart believed himself Beck’s friend and inherited some of his equipment after the latter’s death. He decided to take down Spider-Man out of respect for Beck.**

Much later it was revealed that Beck hadn’t really died, he’d merely used Berkhart to fake his own death. In the guise of Doctor Reinhardt he took over a nursing home. Consequently he swindled vulnerable elderly people out of their life savings, amassing almost $8 million. According to this inflation calculator, in 2019 that’d be about $40,780,313.20.

My, what a sympathetic individual…

This scheme snowballed into Beck faking Aunt May’s death on behalf of the burglar who killed Uncle Ben.

To be fair to him, The Burglar was threatening his life. However given Mysterio’s technology and intelligence it’s highly unbelievable that he couldn’t have taken the Burglar down if he wanted to. He does exactly this in ASM #198 once he’s learned the Burglar was after a fortune hidden in Aunt May’s old home, opting to seek out the fortune himself (see above).

It goes without saying how devastating it was for Peter and May’s friends (chiefly Aunt Anna) to believe she’d passed away.

It beguiles belief that, between MJ’s closeness to Peter, their mutual friends (like Harry and Flash), Aunt May and Aunt Anna, that MJ wouldn’t at some point have learned about May’s ‘death’. By extension she would’ve learned of the circumstances of it being faked and surely have been at least miffed about it! Thus she’d have deduced that Beck had faked his death, as she’d likely have heard about his alleged death in prison.

Even if MJ didn’t hear about any of this during the incident itself, considering that this was all a matter of public record and would’ve been reflected in May’s medical history MJ realistically would have learned about this at some point. This would especially be the case because May’s death was faked a further two times; and that was when MJ married to Peter.

After all, if it was public record that May’s death had been faked before then her consequent ‘death’ (it was actually an imposter) in ASM #400 would require a degree of verification that’d go beyond most patients.*** And it’s highly unlikely that Peter and MJ wouldn’t have been informed about this process. ; or that they themselves didn’t inform the doctors that they should triple check given May’s history. This is literally the reason the actress impersonating her in ASM #400 was specified as being ‘genetically altered’ so her DNA would read as Aunt May’s.

All this means that there is simply NO WAY MJ wouldn’t know Mysterio caused this kind of harm to two of the people she loved most in the world (Peter and May).

The 1980s: Old Tricks

We skip ahead again all the way into the 2010s, albeit an untold tale set circa the 1980s. In Symbiote Spider-Man #1 Mysterio’s attempts to rob a bank inadvertently led to an innocent woman (with kids no less) being shot and killed.

Now to be fair, this wasn’t intentional and he felt bad about it. But it wouldn’t have happened if he hadn’t committed a crime in the first place. He also wasn’t exactly turning himself in due to remorse or giving up a life of crime. MJ might not have known about this but it’s the first time (to my recollection) Beck was involved with someone actually dying. So you know, he’s definitely a killer and is unwilling to face the consequences of his crime. Real sympathetic right?

I will admit this is something of a contentious example as this series doesn’t exactly fit into continuity and so could be arguably discounted. Nevertheless it definitely offers food for thought. An insight into how Mysterio likely would  act under these circumstances.

Jumping back to the 1980s proper, in a much later encounter with Spidey Mysterio once again attacked Peter’s mind. This time he tricked him into believing that an innocent person had died on his watch.

MJ again definitely knew about this because a guilt-ridden Peter talked to her about it before he learned the truth. Later she tried to talk him out of his guilt ridden state.

I think I will leave it there for now. We’ll continue our look at Mysterio in the next post as we enter the 21st century.

*I’ve got no place for this in future instalments so I’ll just say put it here as an aside.

MJ to my recollection has no experience with the X-Men (sans Wolverine), but she is definitely no anti-mutant bigot. Wouldn’t it be logical for her to be wary or at least conscious about how Beck is playing with the optics of the X-Men/mutants in general in his vanity project?

Not to mention their inclusion I’d imagine would be in reference to ASM Annual #1 where he tried to use them to kill her boyfriend.  She has no qualms about the guy responsible for that recreating that event on film in an effort to glorify him self?

On the other hand we don’t know exactly how they are being used in the movie so I’ll let that slide.

**Berkhart isn’t all that relevant at the moment but he will be in the next instalment, so bear him in mind.

***Alternatively one would imagine in a world where the fantastical is a matter of fact, death would be checked to a greater degree than practiced in real life.

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Master Post

[tossertozier]

you mentioned possibly doing a ben or mike writing guide.. would you.. be willing to post a mike one. i'm plotting a fic and im struggling to get my mans down?? also i think abt ur fics weekly bare minimum.

hi there!!! i did my best. i tried to not sound preachy or like a know it all bc y’all know i can barely write. i hope this is helpful in some way!! disclaimer of of course this is all just my opinion & there’s no wrong way to write, you’re the only person who can tell your story!!

[[MORE]]

i think the first really important decision you have to make as Person Writing Mike is his

family & background

-are both of his parents alive?

-if yes, what’s their relationship like?

-if no, who’s his primary caretaker? what’s their relationship like?

-if no, when did they die? did he cope well with it? what’s his relationship with their memory like?

these are really really where you gotta start to write mike imo. or any character! i think one thing stephen king is to be admired for is he doesn’t neglect the parent-child relationship as so many people who write youth do. your parents are the most important people in your life for a long time. i don’t think there’s a wrong or ooc way to answer the above questions tbh. canon has really left a wide open field for you to run amuck in.

(example: i’ve mentioned in the past that my & tfat mike being a small adult is no mistake and intentional. it’s a bit of a throwaway scene, but i mention in on pointe that mike’s parents are coming. it’s intentionally done there too. mike is goofier, more outgoing, more immature in general in that fic in the small bits he’s in & that’s all a response to his familial life. )

culture + friendships

after you answer those questions, important follow up questions are:

-are the losers his first set of friends?

-how much social exposure has he had?

-has he dated? who is he attracted to?

-who influences him? (celebrities, family, culturally)

-what are his cultural interests? what does he do in his free time? how would that impact how he interacts with the rest of the world?

again, no wrong way to answer these. i’ve seen a super broad spectrum of indirect answers to these questions. even thinking about where he might pick up patterns of speech can make him feel much more like a realized character. i’ve noticed some people dip fully into aave to an extent that doesn’t even seem logical in their character’s current situation & it can really seem like a caricature, but i think to write mike without any sense of aave at all is a little ?? too. just be cognizant of it is my only real advice here. it doesn’t so much matter as long as you don’t forget who mike is which next point

humor & personality

-what do you think he would find (shows, comedians, youtube videos) really funny?

-does he have something he quotes often? something he started saying ironically but never stopped?

man i know i’m all there’s no wrong way to write mike !! in this post but i will say real quick that i think mike is funny and i don’t really respect depictions of him where he’s not. i think this is where the movies really just fucked up. book mike drops some of the funniest lines of the book. and honest to god tip is to write out a scene as you feel the urge too, look away for five minutes, look back and give half of richie’s lines away. (or... dialogue.) this sounds like a joke but it was what i did when i first started writing & tfat

i’d always be like “n the funny part goes... to richie.” and thats a fandom inclination too. nooooo. avoid this trap. it doesn’t even make sense. have u ever been in a friend group where only one person... makes jokes? that’d be genuinely so weird. especially bc if you give the joke away to someone else, you can also build on it. amazing things start happening when u start thinking of the characters in flexible patterns. like for example, i almost always give absurdist humor to stan now. wholesome to ben.

mike’s humor is largely situational to me. solid comedic timing & he’s an observant person. sometimes i read back my own writing & have to change the pov bc richies making jokes about things he would never ever notice to make fun of. mike would. mike genuinely sees all. i think he’s just got one of the most analytical brain of the losers. & i think intelligence is subjective and people are smart in different ways but i think it’s foolish to write him as anything other than incredibly intelligent both academically and emotionally. he’s just a natural observer and pattern notice-er. which brings me to my next mike thing:

love & selflessness

i think the biggest part of mike being harder to flesh into a fully realized person is the fandom tendency to make him kind and nothing else. here’s mike. he’s nice. next. bc the book kind of points out his selflessness in his decisions and it makes itself one of his strongest character traits.

especially bc nice seems to trump him having any other emotions. ...no?

i believe in general, but ESPECIALLY in the case of mike, that kindness is a choice. it’s one i genuinely believe he’d make, over & over again. but a choice he makes. he gets annoyed with his friends being annoying like anyone else would. he gets hurt when he feels left out. he feels tired & anxious & hungry and all those other human things. sometimes he might not let it show outwardly, but there’s a difference between that and not giving him feelings at all.

people are selfish. it’s a defense mechanism. it’s to protect us. it’s not a bad thing. we think of how the world impacts ourselves first. we don’t always act upon those thoughts or voice them, but don’t forget to let mike have them. he doesn’t need to be happy for his friends all the time, or rooting for them or supportive. he should have his own things going on.

also. mike’s not a doormat. yes, he stays in derry. but those were life-death consequences for generations of children. it’s really not comparable to almost any decision mike would make in a pennywise free universe. yes, he made a sacrifice in the book but i don’t think he’d just lay himself down in any given universe to whatever fate wants to hand him. but this is where i end this topic bc i’m actually only barely beginning to get to this topic in my own fic!

it’s hard writing the losers young sometimes bc i do feel relationships are naturally a little unbalanced based on basic maturity levels as young people. sometimes friendships just are unbalanced bc of who people are at that time. everyone involved can still be good people in these relationships. it’s about growing together and learning how to be good friends to each other.

for example, in &tfat: certain losers are always checking in with others. others are really wrapped up in their own shit and don’t really notice what bothers the others. it would probably take a chart the size of a textbook to explain how i think this dynamic wholly pans out in full. and yeah, i think it grates on mike a little bit that he is always the checker and never the checkee.

but even when mike snaps, even when he gets upset, i always write it coming out of him with a lot of love. i genuinely think mike, regardless of experience in that fic, has the deepest understanding of love as its own concept and an understand of how exactly it rules his life and and his relationships. mike knows to feel strongly about something he has to care about it. there are lots of things he just doesn’t care about. in the book it’s stated he’s difficult to connect with as an adult. he’s distant. he’s focused on what he wants to focus on. i think mike is actually the most interesting when he becomes a little bit of a disaster man with very little time for what doesn’t interest him.

which last thing, dislikes & disinterests

-what annoys him?

-what makes him genuinely angry?

-what bores him to tears?

i always make jokes that i bring up the nastier parts of the losers bc i love nasty boys but thinking of things people don’t like is as much a part of them as the things they do.

for example, in &tfat, i write richie as making fun of “nerdy” things like anything you could find at comic con. i write bev as not giving a fuck about sports. bill doesn’t care about richie’s music tastes. eddie hates getting condescended to.

bc of the ... kind thing, mike’s one of the harder losers to do this with. i genuinely think mike would listen to any of his friends tell him about anything. & he knows, in return, they can’t say shit when he wants to ramble about history. but dislikes can also be super situational.

again, for example in & tfat: mike doesn’t like when his friends talk about college right now. no one is really being sensitive to him at all. he hates getting blamed for stuff that isn’t his fault, mostly bc it keeps happening.

anyway. i based a lot of my mike (mostly sense of humor and personality) off of a mix of real life friends of mine. it’s a luxury. i know. i’ve been blessed to have friends from literally all walks of life & for me borrowing little habits & quirks & sayings & jokes to slip into my fics and characters is my way of writing one massive love letter to those ive known. i hope i’ve helped you in some way anon. n if not.... don’t be sad i’m hardly one to take writing advice from anyway jandjxjx

overall, as i used to do often, i’d genuinely stop myself and say: is this a person, or a convenience for the plot? and if it was the latter, sigh, and get my backspace key ready.

[wadey-wilson]

Essay essay pls! I actually enjoyed the TASM films but I watched them when I was like, 10, so my actual perception of them is super skewed

re: 

I usually never talk much about things I hate because I don’t wanna care about things I hate. it’s a waste of time and nerves. but given that you asked nicely, and that I have a lot to say, and that I should sleep but we all know it never plays out, let’s go.

right off the bat, I want to say that I believe you can change some things about characters or stories if adapting them for the silver screen either requires it, or the director has a really good idea as to how the character should be done. that being said, I also believe there’s a line you can’t cross. you either change the character to be more appealing and to have them resonate with the audiences more (see: Thor in Thor: Ragnarok, Guardians of The Galaxy), or to have it fit the story better (see: Mandarin in Iron Man 3). I have no problem when a director goes ‘I have an idea for this character’ and he actually has, let him do it. however, when you change too much about a story (see: Civil War) or a character, they become unrecognizable and completely off. you ever read Superior Spider-Man? they become that. a shell of someone we know but with completely different behaviour, manners, mind, and character for that matter. you can’t change a character to this point, because it ruins them. say Iron Man doesn’t drink alcohol at all, he’s a granddad of a random kid taken from the streets, and kills innocent people. doesn’t really sound well, huh?

and that’s the huge problem with that small series of films. the producers don’t understand Spider-Man (don’t @ me with Spider-Verse, Sony didn’t touch Spider-Verse, it was written by the ever great Phil Lord and Chris Miller), and they never will because they frankly don’t give a shit. they ruined Spider-Man 3 by forcing Raimi to put Venom in there despite Raimi not being able to handle the material and not being interested in that character. reason why they made the TASM films? money. reason why they keep the rights to Spidey? money. so since they don’t understand Spider-Man, they can’t make a good Spidey movie as long as it’s them making that movie.

I also want to add that I like crap movies. Spider-Man 3 is half a solid movie, but you can’t have a bad time while watching it - it’s hilarious, has great action scenes, the characters feel like characters, and the tone is consistent. Venom movie wise is like 4/10, it has 2 prologues, and 179 plot holes and/or stupid choices, but it’s entertaining, funny (even when unintentionally), has some very good dialogues, and the Venom/Eddie relationship (right along with Tom Hardy himself) saves the movie. so I like crap movies when they’re fun, comedy gold, or just so stupid that you can’t help but laugh (see: Twilight). but when a movie is shit, and does none of those things, I can’t sit through it.

with all that said, here goes: reasons why The Amazing Spider-Man movies suck balls and are offensive towards the character of Spider-Man:

comic wise:

- Peter Parker - let’s google Peter Parker.

caring. kind. loyal. brave. scared. worried. intelligent.

that’s the basic core aspect of Peter Parker. you can’t change the core of a character or else they become a different person. the core aspect is what makes them them. Peter Parker is ‘with great power comes great responsibility’, he’s a struggling one because he made a choice to save lives and that choice often ruins his day-to-day life, he’s constantly trying to be a better man, but all while bad things are happening, he remains kind, loving, caring, loyal, respectful, and worth of the powers he’s carrying.

TASM Peter Parker? that dude’s a selfish dickhead. i could go scene by scene to prove my point, but off the top of my head, he:

stalks, creeps, breaks (important) promises, is rude 24/7 towards his aunt and uncle, risks people’s lives, damages public property and doesn’t even say sorry, sneaks into Oscorp by stealing someone’s righteously earned intern badge (plus literally laughing at the guy who got kicked out bc of him, what the hell).

other than that, Andrew Garfield does not look socially awkward or nerdy in the slightest. the movies are really trying to portray him as one and terribly fail. he’s not a good fit for this Spidey. Superior Spidey? yeah, that asshole, sure. I’m not saying he’s a bad actor, he’s an amazing actor. he’s just not good for the role of Peter Parker.

I mentioned Thor before and how making him a goofball actually worked out fine, and that’s because the core aspect of him never disappeared. he’s still Thor, courageous, righteous, loving, kind, but with more jokes. Peter Parker is a nerdy outcast, he’s socially awkward like 95% of the time, and doesn’t even know how to walk straight. Andrew’s Spidey? obnoxious-skateboarding-cool-looking-Edward-Cullen-like-tall-and-model-like cute. I have no words.

to add to his terrible traits, Peter’s only motivation to put on the red-and-blue spandex is revenge. revenge. I don’t care about that scene where he’s sitting with his mask wondering if he should go after the Lizard. that doesn’t mean a thing. it would if his behaviour changed, but it never did. he made a mask and then a suit so people wouldn’t see who commits the crimes (assaulting at nights while looking for Ben’s killer, that’s crime), that’s down-right fucked up. this is not Spider-Man. speaking of…

- Spider-Man - he doesn’t care about people’s lives at-freaking-all, and it just wounds me. he jokes around while people are being murdered (see: TAMS2 scene with the Rhino where he didn’t stop Rhino when he had the chance, instead letting him run over tens of people and kept. on. joking., or putting on a fireman’s hat while people are being killed). jokes? what jokes? that guy’s a jackass. he threatens a man saying he’d kill him if he’d be the one who killed uncle Ben. he publicly humiliates a guy, I don’t care if he’s a criminal. 

see this:

(the amazing s-m #797)

vs this

?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

- Ben Parker - he’s 100% useless in the movie. in the comics and in the Raimi’s movies, he plays a huge role. he’s Peter’s moral compass right along with May Parker, which…

- May Parker - her presence in the movie is pointless. she’s got no impact on the plot. cut out all the scenes with her, and it changes nothing about the movies. her presence only makes Peter look more like an asshole bc he’s one towards her 99% of the time. she’s there to be… I don’t even know. she’s useless. oh, no, wait, she’s there to make Peter break his promise to Captain Stacy. amazing.

movie wise:

- tone - inconsistent, all over the place. TASM1 is dark, silly, dark, lighthearted, funny, dark, funny, dark. why can’t it be just dark or funny? same goes to TASM2, except TASM2 is way worse due to the unconnected subplots. examples of well-toned movies: Homecoming (a comedy starring Spider-Man), Iron Man 3 (consistently cartoonish with balanced humor and action), The Avengers (consistently funny and cheesy).

- character arc - there’s none. Peter learns absolutely nothing. at all. he’s selfish and remains selfish. puts people’s lives at risk all the time. breaks promises, not learning any lesson. I mentioned Venom before and how it’s a dumb movie, but even that one has Venom have an arc. rushed one, yes, very rushed, but still an arc. 

- music - stock music + bad pop music + elevator music + something that tried to sound like dubstep but wound up being what comes out when you scratch your nails across the board ft. growling dying dragons from bad cartoons. I’m really sorry for Hans Zimmer that his name is in the credits bc the amazing Pharell Whilliams literally ruined the TASM2 soundtrack.

- directing - it’s shit. the movie’s shot with no life to speak of. boring shots, lower than average. there’s no scene that makes me ‘whoa’. there’s no scene that makes me ‘this is a really good shot. I very much like this shot.’ ok, I’m lying, there are two shots in the entire 2 movies. there:

these are the only shots that I like. out of 2 movies. please, take all my money.

on top of that, the colors are just ugly. Deadpool has greasy colors but they’re consistent and fit the creepy tone of the movie. TASM movies can’t decide what the hell they are so they are just a mess.

- villains:

x the Lizard. he wants people to be lizards, and that’s it. he wants his arm to regrow but then he goes ‘forget arms, now I want people to be lizards.’ and it’s sad bc he’s a very good villain in the comics.

x Green Goblin. motivation is weak, plus why did he crawl towards the suit? if he crawled towards the Doc Ock arms, would he become Doc Ock? how did he know hot to fly the glider? ‘you took his picture, so you know him’ - first of all, that shot was taken from 64508098 meters away, and second of all, how does this make Harry think Peter knows Spider-Man? he’s still better than Connors, tho.

x Electro - quite an odd one, weak motivations, what the hell was that with the corny speeches pulled out of his ass and completely out of the place? why did he even have shorts? where did he take his suit from? that’s a PG-13 movie, I get it, we don’t wanna watch an electric p*nis swing, ok, we get it  still, bad motivations, makes no sense 80% of the time, and... he’s just off. he’s such a badly-handled and poorly-written character I want to cry,

- other characters:

x Gwen Stacy - so called generic love interest. that’s it.

x I don’t even care.

- stupid bullshit - when a movie is good, I don’t care about plot holes or stupid stuff like visible reshoots (see: Tony’s hair in IW) or just idiotic moments (see: Black Widow knocking a guy out with her hair in The Avengers).

however, when the stupid bullshit takes over a movie, you can’t help but notice. why did the Lizard want everyone to be lizards? why did the electric eels fix the gap between Max’s teeth? what’s with the subplot with Peter chasing Ben’s killer? is Peter so stupid that he brought his camera with his name on it to Lizard’s secret layer? why are Peter’s parents so focused on? they’re 100% irrelevant and have no impact on the movies besides making them even stupider (that calculator scene, I’m-). why did Ben jump towards the gun? how did scrawny and skinny Harry Osborn overpower two armed, grown-ass guards? if Peter is smart enough to make web-shooters and web fluid, why did he have to look up the basics of electricity on YT? why is Gwen so stupid to grab a metal bar when there’s an electricity-fueled guy murdering people? why did even Electro become bad? why do people stand around very dangerous fight scenes like it’s a spectacle with fairies? run! the plane scene. the plane scene no2. the crane scene. how did the cranes happen to be perfectly in line across the way to Oscorp? even Raimi wouldn’t put this corny shit in his movies, and he made his trilogy corny for purpose. train? coming? out? from? the ground??? a video coincidentally waiting for Peter to be played in that train? Gwen Stacy happening to be the interns’ tour guide at Oscorp? how did Gwen get to the fight with Electro scene sooner than the police? why did the web get cut by two solid objects, simultaneously making a ‘cut’ sound, what the fuck was that? why were those movies even made? (money)

I want to add that I don’t care about deleted scenes. put them in the movie if they’re important. I really don’t give a damn there was a scene with Peter’s dad (which is just stupid) or some stuff with Connors. I don’t judge deleted scenes, I judge the movies.

and that’s it. I feel like I can talk more, but it’s like 11pm, and I have to get up early and go to work, so… I said what I said. you can’t change my opinion. if you like these films, I don’t care. they’re trash. if you can watch them and think ‘that’s a good movie,’ I’m glad you can, and I wish you a happy life with that bad perception.

to add to all of this, I’ll have you know that even Andrew Garfield is mad/sad that Sony compromised the character of Peter Parker for the sake of money.

before I go, the only good things about these movies:

- TASM2 suit is cool. I like it a lot,

- that scene where Peter wakes up and accidentally breaks things,

- that montage with Spidey after he breaks up with Gwen, it’s really nice and in-character, looking like it was written by someone completely else,

- they didn’t make a third movie.

P.S. if you want some good videos I remember seeing about those movies, visit yourmoviesucks and TheCosmonautVarietyHour on YT. also ScreenCrush explains what’s wrong with those movies basing on one scene, and it’s great.

P.S. 2. there was this comment on YT under the TASM movies review that I really like, and honestly what a mood: