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gojo-x-reader · 3 years

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Confessions in a Drunken Night

Relationship(s): Gojo Satoru x F!Reader

Warnings: excessive drinking, mentions of sex (not related to drinking), getting drunk, job stress

Tags: communication is key

AO3 Link: here

Words: ~2k

Request: “ Hey, I hope you're doing okay. I have read your scenarios and I fell in love with them They are so cute and adorable . If you take a request would you mind taking mine. About a f/reader who is depressed about her job pressure and Gojo not being home lately so she would be drinking at home not knowing that Gojo had arrived and was sleeping and he would wake up because of sound and he would find her saoul , and he would try to make up with her , with a lot of fluff please , thank you .”

You heard the door hurriedly slam from the other room and sighed. This was the third time just this week alone that date night was interrupted with you and your boyfriend, Satoru. Every time, he promised that nothing would come up, but every time something did. You didn’t understand why exactly his job was so important for him to just leave like that. He was just a high school teacher.

You sighed again, then picked up the uneaten dinner you cooked for the both of you. You placed the food in containers for later, if there was a later with him. You might end up eating both portions by yourself. You finished up cleaning up the romantic date you had prepared, now incredibly sad and frustrated.

You started pouring yourself a glass of whiskey. You weren’t a fan of the stuff straight, but tonight seemed like the night to drink. How many hours of overtime did you put in this week just to try to have an evening off to spend with your boyfriend? How much sleep did you lose just to stay ahead? How many times did your boss scoff because you asked off not one night, but three nights this week? You’d be lucky if you could get another night off in a month after this week.

You sipped on the whiskey, cherishing the warmth it brought to your core. You grabbed the bottle and glass and took them the to couch. The whiskey bottle was less than halfway finished; might as well finish it tonight. You lounged on the couch as you brought the glass to your lips and reminisced about your relationship with Satoru.

You had been together for over a year now, but it didn’t feel like it. You were practically in a long-distance relationship, despite only living twenty minutes from each other with how scarce you got to see him. He was always busy on “business trips” or whatever for his job. The thought that he was cheating on you crossed your mind a time or two, but Satoru didn’t seem like the type.

The two of you met in your favorite bakery just down the street. You had fought over the last piece of tiramisu, which he eventually gave you in exchange for your number. He was incredibly easy to talk to and within a few weeks, the two of you were going on your first date. He was suave, but you soon learned that was just a front he put up. The true Gojo Satoru was a dork with an almost insufferable personality that somehow you were able to stand.

You were sure that in the year you had been dating, you had only gone on three successful dates with Satoru and well over fifteen attempted dates. The three successful dates all had a special place in your heart.

The first successful date was your first date. It was a cozy café date followed by a nice walk through the nooks and crannies of Tokyo you never saw on your work commute. You remembered how you gained the confidence to hold Satoru’s hand on the first date, only feeling like there was a literal wall between you two for a few seconds. It was strange, but it was the only incident, so you never brought it up to him.

The second successful date was a few months later with another failed attempt in between the first and second. This one was a trip to a fancy restaurant in the heart of Tokyo. This was the date you learned that your boyfriend was loaded. Not just well off, but rich enough he could spend a couple hundred thousand Yen and it was just pocket change to him. Somehow, the reveal left more questions than answered them; namely, how did he become so rich with a teacher’s salary? Was he part of some kind of Old Money or something?

He never told you where you were dining, so of course, you dressed like it was a casual outing. Before heading to the restaurant, he bought you a dress that was worth more than two years of your yearly salary (against your protests). It was a gorgeous dress, in your favorite color. It still hung in your closet; while you wanted to sell it for some extra money, you didn’t want to upset Satoru.

The third and final successful date was your first anniversary. Neither of you wanted to go out, so you both stayed in. The two of you cooked dinner together; you were pleasantly surprised to learn that Satoru had a talent for cooking and wanted to taste more of his cooking. He insisted you were a much better cook than him, but you disagreed.

After dinner, one thing led to another until you were swept off your feet literally to the bedroom.

You smiled fondly at the memories of your first time together. It was only two months ago, but nothing had happened since then even though you desperately wanted a repeat of your anniversary tonight. Ah, you remembered why you were drinking. You swallowed the rest of the whiskey in your glass, grimacing as it burned in your throat.

You were already tipsy after one glass. You were a lightweight; you were sure you would be shit-faced before the end of this bottle. Satoru never drank, yet he always had the audacity to make fun of how much of a lightweight you were.

Who knows how long passed before you finally swallowed the last drop of whiskey. At that point, you were fighting your eyelids that were trying to close. Without Satoru there to entertain you as you were tipsy, you became a tired drunk. You just wanted to go to sleep but didn’t want to leave the couch. If you got up, you’d probably stumble and fall back anyway. So, you grabbed the blanket draped across the couch and wrapped yourself around it.

A sudden wave of sadness washed over you right as you closed your eyes. You missed Satoru, desperately. It felt physically painful being away from him at the moment. You brought a hand up to your eyes and wiped them, rolling over and finally going to sleep for good.

You woke up to the feeling of someone shaking your form. You groaned. Your head was pounding from dehydration, you were still sleepy from the alcohol; who dared interrupt your sleep?

You blinked a few times to find Satoru and his beautiful blue eyes staring at you. He appeared slightly worried, but also tired.

“Time?” you asked, not even forming coherent sentences yet.

“Almost 3am,” Satoru answered.

You groaned. “Let me sleep.”

“How much did you drink?”

“Does it matter?” you snapped back. You then realized how hostile you sounded, then started crying. “Please don’t be mad at me,” you said between hiccups.

Satoru took you into his arms, soothingly rubbing your back to calm you down. You suddenly felt worse because you were a mess, just because he left for an emergency with work? Pathetic.

Your sweet, incredible boyfriend helped you slowly sit up, then obtained a glass of water for you to drink. You chugged it, not even realizing how thirsty you were. Satoru refilled it for you, urging you to instead sip the water.

“What’s wrong?” Satoru asked as he sat down next to you on the couch.

“...Nothing,” you answered.

“Nothing? I come home to find my girlfriend passed out on the couch drunk off her ass and sad. You’re upset, and I want us to work through this. Now, what’s wrong?”

“I’m sad,” you admitted.

“Obviously.”

“I don’t feel like you--” hic “--love me as much anymore. You keep leaving during our dates, you don’t spend much time with me anymore, and my job is just so stressful because I keep having to work overtime to get days off and I doubt I can get another day off for a month now. That just makes me so fucking sad because I wanna see you every day but I can’t--”

Satoru gently placed a hand on your cheek. His gaze was filled with so much love it rendered you speechless. “That all?” he asked. You nodded.

Satoru tenderly placed a kiss on your forehead. “I’ve been keeping a secret from you,” he admitted. Suddenly, your brain raced through all of the possibilities, fixating on the idea he was cheating on you. Oh, no, here it comes…

“I’m a jujutsu sorcerer.”

“Excuse me?”

That was not at all what you were expecting. What did that even mean?

Satoru backed away. “Here, try to grab my hand.”

You reached out to him, feeling the familiar wall like you did on your first date. “Oh!”

“This is Infinity,” he explained. “As you get closer to me, you slow down, unable to reach me. It’s a jujutsu passed down through my family.”

“I think I’ve felt it before. On our first date.”

Satoru sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck. “I always keep my Infinity going at all times, 24/7, even when I’m asleep. I only let down my guard around you because I trust you with my life.”

“So. What does this all mean? What else are you keeping a secret? Your job too?”

“No, I really am a high school teacher. For the first years, to be exact. The bunch this year are… interesting to say the least. So I’ve been having to stay late to train them, and I actually do go on business trips. A lot of them are overseas.”

“What are they for?” You were now very invested in your boyfriend’s secret life he had been hiding from you all this time.

“We exorcise curses.”

“Curses?”

“The evil beings of the jujutsu world. I have to go on more missions than the average person because I’m one of the very few Special Grade jujutsu sorcerers in the world. It’s the highest rank a jujutsu sorcerer can reach. And your boyfriend is the strongest in the world.”

“Are you really, or are you self-proclaimed?” you asked, knowing his personality. Satoru pouted. You pinched one of his cheeks gently, then dragged his face to your lips, pressing them against his cheek. “I’m just kidding.”

“I really am the strongest, though,” Satoru continued to pout. “Anyway! I think it’s time for us to sleep. Tomorrow, I can take you to see my school and you can meet my students!”

“Really?” you asked, excited. Finally, your boyfriend was allowing you into the part of his world you were always curious about.

“Really,” he promised.

You yawned. The sun was just starting to peek through your windows. Suddenly, you felt yourself being lifted and carried to your room. You weren’t quite sober and made sure to warn Satoru about that, lest he moved you too fast and caused you to throw up on the two of you.

(“It wouldn’t get on me, though,” Satoru argued. “I can just activate my Infinity and I’ll stay clean.”)

Satoru tucked you into your bed, then made his way to your side. You were actually kind of glad you decided to get drunk tonight, as the liquid courage gave you the confidence to speak your mind to your boyfriend instead of keeping your feelings inside like usual. Tonight, you learned a side of your boyfriend you never thought existed. It brought you relief and curiosity to learn more about him and his life.

But for now, you needed sleep. Meeting part of Satoru’s world could wait until tomorrow.

#gojo satoru #gojo satoru x reader #gojo x reader #jjk x reader #jjk #jujutsu kaisen

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kisskeiji · 4 years

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1. On your own.

Lost & Found.

WARNINGS: language, mentions of cheating and violence (bokuto still wants to get physical lol), mentions of alcohol (?)

Needless to say, as soon as you arrived at your sister's apartment she bombarded you with questions you didn’t know nor wanted to answer, she understood and let you cry your heart out, even after all that your heart was still heavy inside your chest. When you woke up the following morning you could only describe yourself as a mess; you slept with the same clothes from the night before, your shoes were still on and you didn’t bother to take your makeup off resulting in a trail of mascara stains all over your cheeks. The sheets on your sister's bed were cold and not waking up with Hajime by your side made the knot in your throat come back along with the uneasiness of not being home or feeling safe at all.

You hated it. You hated how vulnerable you were. You hated the weight that was crushing your chest. You hated not being able to express what you felt. You hated how tired you were. You hated yourself for being so weak and for not knowing how to be without him.

And most of all, you hated yourself for not hating him.

You loathed what he did to you and your relationship, but as much as you tried to convince yourself you hated him, you couldn’t. Sure, he broke your heart, but he also owned it. You loved him so much it hurt, but there was no way you two could get past this and act as if any of this never happened, this wasn’t something a long talk and a hug could solve. The thought of it not being a one time thing took over your mind.

What if he cheated when he was studying overseas? How many other girls he slept with the last four years.

‘I’m an idiot’

“Morning.” Your sister entering the room took you out of your train of thoughts “I made breakfast.”

“I'm not hungry.”

“You need to eat.” She said brushing your hair with her hand “Take a shower first.” She got up and walked to her closet to get you some clothes.

“I don’t want to.”

“Don’t care, we are getting your stuff and then we are going home to have lunch with mom. I am not asking, she wants to see you.”

“You called her?” You asked in disbelief. ‘Snitch.’

“I knew you weren’t planning to because you don’t want to worry her, but she can give you better advice than your twenty-six year old sister who has no relationship experience.” She said before throwing a pair of jeans in your direction. You could only groan before getting up and walking to her bathroom. You knew better than arguing with her and deep inside you were thankful, you missed your mom, but going back to your apartment frightened you.

Once you were in the car you dialed Akaashi´s number, ignoring all of Iwaizumi’s texts and calls, he was the last person you wanted to talk to and you wanted to make sure he wasn’t home. Before you could go back to spiraling in your thoughts, Akaashi picked up the phone.

“Y/N?” You heard Akaashi say on the other side of the line.

“Hey, ‘Kaashi.”

“How are you feeling?” It was a dumb question, they both knew and he loudly smacked himself for asking. You chuckled.

“Like shit.” You answered.

“I figured.” You both laughed. “Hey, is that Y/N?” You heard Bokuto “Let me put you on speaker.”

“Hi, Bokuto.”

“Good morning, pretty lady, are you feeling better?” He asked and you heard a loud thud. “Akaashi, what was that for? Y/N-chan, Akaashi just hit me with one of his books!” Bokuto whined and you laughed at him and the way he pronounced Akaashi´s name.

“I’m fine, Bokuto-san, thanks for asking. Can I ask you both a favor?”

“You want me to beat Iwaizumi’s ass? Say less.”

“Bokuto-san.” The younger of the two called in a stern tone.

Once again you laughed at their antics. “Not quite, Bokuto-san. But can you make sure he is not home? I don’t know if he went to work today.”

“You are coming for your stuff?” Akaashi asked.

“Yeah, but I really don’t want to see him right now, and my sister wants to kill him.” You said and looked at your sister who mouthed a ‘damn right’ without looking away from the road.

“That’s the spirit!” The gray haired man said followed by another thud and a whine.

“Count on it, Y/N.”

“Thank you, I’ll see you in a bit.”

“I’ll wait outside for you!” You heard Bokuto before exchanging goodbyes and hanging up.

You reached the apartment complex and spotted Bokuto outside like he promised.

“I called Tanaka and he said he is at the gym, so we are clear.” He said once he reached the car and opened the door for you.

“Good, let’s make it quick and put everything in my trunk.” Your sister said and opened the car trunk to grab some boxes to pack your belongings. The three of you walked inside the complex and took the elevator to meet Akaashi who was waiting at your door.

With a long sigh, you unlocked the door and walked in unsure of what to expect. The air was heavier and again, you felt uneasy to be there and reminisce about what happened the night before.

“I’ll get my clothes and some stuff I have in my room. Can you guys pack my books? Everything on the first three shelfs is mine, and my plants, please be careful with them.” You said and they both got to work while you and your sister headed to your room. Trying to make things even faster, you walked to your closet and grabbed your suitcase from the back of the closet and started throwing all your clothes onto the bed.

“This is not yours.” Your sister announced throwing one of Hajime’s shirts you usually wore to sleep on the floor. You stared at it for a second and started to take out all of the shirts that were mixed in with your clothes. You never noticed how many of his shirts were in your drawers, you always wore his shirts to sleep.

‘No more unlimited pajamas.’ You thought and laughed to yourself.

“Hey, can you get my stuff from the bathroom? I’m almost done here.” You said placing a few blouses in a laundry basket since your suitcases were already full.

“Sure thing, I’m dipping his toothbrush in the toilet too.” She said and zipped close the duffle bag she packed your shoes in.

“Please don’t.”

“Can’t hear you.” You heard a splash. “Look what we have here, this cologne looks expensive.”

“Stop touching his stuff.”

“No sympathy for him, stop trying to protect him.” She said peeking from the bathroom door.

“I’m not protecting him, I’m just being mature.” You walked to the bathroom, taking the bottle of cologne away from her and placing it back down. “And I paid for this.”

“Hey girls, we are all set over here.” You heard Bokuto from outside of the room.

“You have anything else you need us to get in the car?” Akaashi asked. You looked around searching for something you could be possibly leaving behind. The pictures on the wall captured your attention for a second.

“Don’t think so, everything else he can keep.” You sighed “Besides, the car is already full.”

“Let’s get out of here then, mom is waiting for us and we have a four hour ride ahead of us.” Your sister said and took the duffel bag and one of your indoor plants and made her way out.

“Well, that’s it.” Bokuto said and closed the trunk of your sister’s car.

“Please, tell us if you need anything, we are one call away.” Akaashi reassured placing his hands on your shoulders.

“Thanks ‘Kaashi, I will.” You hugged both of your friends and hopped in the car “I’ll text you once I get home.”

They waved goodbye and waited for the car to be completely out of sight to walk back inside the building.

That afternoon after lunch and a long talk with your mom, you decided to stay at your parents house for the meantime and as long as you needed to find another place near your university. You decided not to tell your father, he was just as hot headed as your sister and you were sure he would kill him if he found out.

In the end your sister was right, your mother always knew what to say and this time was no exception, of course she was going to give Iwaizumi’s mom a call (but you don’t know that) but right now she was worried about how awfully calm you were, of course you were always emotionally intelligent, but was it really healthy for you to keep it all inside?

“Listen dear, I know how you must be feeling right now, there’s no need to conceal it, I also know you want to be the bigger person, but you can´t keep it to yourself forever, it’s not good for you.” She’d said as she poured some freshly brewed tea in your cup.

“I know mom, thank you.” You said and she cupped your cheek with her hand.

“It wasn’t your fault, dear.” She Reassured. “It’s getting late, get ready to sleep, I’ll get your room ready.”

It wasn’t your fault. She was right, but why does it feel the other way around?

You stared at the mirror once again and still couldn’t recognize your reflection. ‘What did you do to me, Hajime?’ You thought as you dried your face.

‘Fuck, I had a shift tonight.’ You totally forgot, after all you haven’t checked your phone since earlier that morning. Ignoring all of your friends and Hajime’s texts asking if you were alright and where you were; you texted your boss, he asked if you were fine too since Iwaizumi went to the bar and was apparently really worried, you could only sigh and tell him you would explain everything tomorrow.

You were exhausted. Your eyelids were heavy with sleep and what seemed to be the beginning of a bad migraine. ‘I’ll just sleep it off.’ You thought to yourself, staring at the ceiling thinking about everything and nothing at the same time. You were still going to see Iwaizumi at college at some point, how are you going to tell your friends? You still had to call your landlord to get the money of the months of rent you paid in advance back.

“I wish this was all a dream.” You muttered burying your face on your pillow. Your phone ringing stopped your train of thoughts, the caller ID displayed Iwaizumi’s name for the hundredth time that day. You still had no energy or will to talk to him. ‘What does he want anyway?’ You let the call go straight to voicemail.

“Y/N” He sighs “I’ve been trying to reach you all day, I know it’s late, I know you hate me”

‘I don’t.’

“But please, I need to know you are okay and that you are safe, I know you must be with your sister but I can’t reach her either. Please, you don’t have to tell me, you can tell Matsukawa or Makki, one of your friends, I don’t care, we are all worried about you. I know you came earlier for your stuff, and that you are not coming back, but please, you have to listen to me.” you could tell how anxious he was “I’m not asking for forgiveness, because I know I don’t deserve it. But I… you deserve an explanation and an apology. I love you, please, call me.”

Without even noticing, tears streamed down your face. ‘Maybe I should talk to him’

You weren’t one to be remorseful, and closure was necessary. Maybe. But not today or tomorrow, you still needed time. You texted your friends and told everyone you were okay and that you were spending a few days at your parents place in Miyagi. After turning your phone off you finally managed to sleep.

The days after your arrival to Miyagi were no different, you ran some errands with your mom, went out with your dad and sister and enjoyed your time there, you almost forgot you had to get your life back together. You went back to Tokyo after a week, the first thing you did was talk with your boss and apologize for your absence and explained everything. He was kind enough to switch you to the day shift and promised not to tell Iwaizumi about it if he showed again.

The day shift was alright, the bar was less crowded but still busy. Some people had lunch or shared a drink with their co-workers. Breathing was easier and you felt more at ease working earlier.

“Good evening, what can I get you?” You greeted with a smile as you cleaned the counter.

“Hi, Y/N, right?” She asked.

“That’s me. Do we know each other?” You asked, she seemed familiar but you couldn’t recall where or when you’ve seen her before.

“Something like that, I’m Ito Asui, I’m one of Iwaizumi’s classmates.” She explained.

“Oh.” It’s all you managed to say “You want anything to drink.?” You asked, trying to ease the tension between the two of you.

“Not really, I just needed to talk to you about… the other night.” Asui couldn’t bring herself to look at you in the eye.

“It was you?”

She sighed “Yeah. And I feel awful. I didn’t know he had a girlfriend.”

“How long?” you asked, trying to hold your tears busying yourself with the register.

“A month, maybe, listen he never mentioned he had a girlfriend or anything. We teamed up for our final project with some friends and we flirted for a while and we started going out when we weren’t working on the project.” She started crying, it was obvious that the guilt was eating her alive, you felt bad for her “If I only knew he was taken, this could’ve never happened, it is my fault and I want to apologize.”

“No.” You lowered your head.

“What?”

“It’s not your fault Asui, stop blaming yourself. You didn’t know. I’m sorry you got involved in this mess and for how you must be feeling right now.” you irradiated anger with every word. All the sympathy you felt for Iwaizumi was now gone and the thought of even facing him too.

“Thank you for this, really.” you raised your chin and looked at her in the eye, hers were glossy with tears and guilt, but she managed to show you a weak smile.

“What are you going to do now?” She asked as you poured a glass of water for her.

“I don’t know. Not going back to him, that’s for sure.” You tried to laugh. “I’m probably going to leave.”

“Leave? You are transferring?”

“Yeah.” You sighed unsure of your answer.

“Where to? I heard your parents live in the countryside.” She sipped her water.

“Not sure yet, I have some offers to go abroad.” You cleaned the counter once again as some customers walked in, you greeted them and got ready to fix their drinks.

“That 's amazing! I think it would be best for you to take some time away from here. If you stay you are going to stumble upon him at school.” she said as she played with the rim of her cup and you poured ice inside the shaker.

“Yeah, you are right. I’m talking to my professors and seeing my options, probably choosing somewhere in Europe, I’ve always wanted to travel.” You smiled.

Eventually Asui left, there was nothing else to talk about but you agreed to keep in touch, after all she was the first person outside your family that knew about your plans. It was sad, actually, you weren’t excited to leave since you were doing it to run away from him. It was your senior year, you wanted to spend it with your friends and stay in Tokyo, you were happy here, but you also needed to get away, you couldn’t bare with seeing Iwaizumi everyday, not only at school, you had a lot of friends in common and you didn’t wanted to make everything awkward for them.

‘I’m going to build myself back on my own.’ And if you had to leave to do so, then you were more than ready.

Days went by and summer break was over, it was time to go. Akaashi and Bokuto dropped you off at the airport and waited for you to board the plane.

“Passport?” Akaashi asked making sure you were all set.

“Here.” You lifted your right hand and showed your passport.

“Phone?”

“In my bag.” You smiled at him.

“Well, you are good to go.” He smiled back.

“Wait, you forgot something.” Bokuto took a step closer and looked at you.

“What? Oh my god did I left my glasses at home?” You asked confused as you patted across your body looking for them.

“No, silly, my hug!” He laughed at your confused expression and embraced you.

After that bone crushing hug Bokuto made you promise to text him everyday even if it was late, and Akaashi nearly cried but he won’t admit it. You waved goodbye one last time before boarding.

Hopefully you could find yourself again in London. ‘This is your new beginning’ you repeated to yourself as you took your seat on the plane.

“Good bye.” You whispered.

Later that night, Iwaizumi found himself in front of your sister´s apartment, ringing the bell he stepped back and waited for her to open — or a fist on the nose — after a few seconds the door opened revealing your sister still on her work clothes, leaning on the door frame.

“What do you want?” she asked harshly.

“Is she here? She never really called me and it’s been almost two months, I just want to talk to her but she blocked my number.” He looked at the floor and your sister sighed.

“She is not here.”

“Do you know where she is? she moved to the dorms?” he tripped over his words trying to get an answer.

“She is gone, Iwaizumi.”

“What do you mean? Look I know she hates me but this is not funny.” He was growing anxious.

“Shut up, she doesn’t hate you, you know that’s just not her, and I’m not joking. She left.” Your sister explained one more time.

“Where?” He ran his hand through his hair.

“Not telling. Good night, Iwaizumi.” With that she closed the door leaving Hajime dumbfounded.

‘She left?’ He thought, realization hitting him even harder, he lost you forever, and he is probably never going to see you again.

He was on his own now.

(a/n: hi everyone! first of all THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR ALL THE SUPPORT! <3 i honestly thought i was going to flop with this fic, but all of your comments and feedback encourage me to keep writing, you are all so sweet :( thank you again ilysm. i also want to thank my beta readers once again fore dealing with my illiterate and annoying self. next chapter is going to be a bit longer if everything goes as planned, sorry for making you all hate iwa :(

also, if anyone is interested to be added to a taglist please tell me! you can comment or send me a message if my ask box is not showing :( i’m still figuring things out here since i was a wattpad type of girl but i’ll try my best <3)

masterlist

taglist: @aonenthusiast

#Iwaizumi Hajime #iwaizumi x reader #iwaizumi x you #iwaizumi angst #Miya Atsumu #atsumu x reader #atsumu x you #msby atsumu #inarizaki #Aoba Johsai #oikawa tōru #oikawa #haikyuu!!#hq anime #hq fluff #msby black jackal #msby bj

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sardonyxie · 3 years

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Hockey Pucks and Cricuts

Veterans!ModernAU - Levi Squad Edition

These are simply the result of my imagination during a zoom class (Preschool intervention if I remember correctly) and of some ideas thrown in by my best friend/roommate. Some facts were thought of from canon perspective, but most of them are just our five idiots in our everyday world. Enjoy!

Warning: Rivetra content and some swearing! If it’s not your thing and you want to hate, scroll down and move on.

English isn’t my first language. If some sentences sound weird or wrong, let me know so I can correct them!

Word count: 1 173

Miche squad is up!

Levi

(Inspired by this)

- He’s from Canada and speaks French. Nobody (except Mikasa) understands him when he’s cursing the others, but they are still scared shitless. When a stranger is being stupid, he makes sarcastic comments in their face by talking about it in French to Mikasa.

- He’s Mikasa’s cousin, but they might as well consider themselves siblings since they spend a lot of time at each other’s house. Both Kuchel and her younger brother, Mikasa’s father, moved for a better life…

- Introduced Eld to hockey and plays with him. Oruo tagged along one day and also got into it.

- Only lets Gunther sit at the front when he’s driving them all since Petra has horrible music taste, Eld can’t follow directions and Oruo bites is tongue to every bump on the road.

- I consider him as street smart. In this case, he learns languages effortlessly and quickly and knows how to get out of a situation by using that skill (and his fists). Never got below an A for those classes in highschool.

- Even if he doesn’t show it very well, he cares a lot about the others and actually offers the most thoughtful presents out of everyone in the squad. He’s a good listener.

Eld

- Is actually from Australia. He moved in the neighborhood when he was five but still has an accent when he speaks. He is Oruo’s next door neighbor and often goes to his house when he wants a tasty snack.

- Plays hockey and actually prefers winter over summer. He’s always down for hockey nights with the other four when the national league is broadcasting its yearly competition. He’s a very dedicated fan of Trost’s Titans.

- Was the type to put everything from his lunchbox in his sandwich. Apple sauce with a ham and mustard sandwich anyone? He still makes strange food mixes nowadays.

- He’s a great photographer and takes pictures for Petra’s shop. However, he can’t pose and often looks silly in pictures.

- Gunther’s best friend. They are THE unbeatable duo at guessing songs. They know pretty much everything from old music to K-pop.

- Plans every vacation trip even if they go oversea. Something always come up in the schedule, but those moments are the highlight of the trip. Petra and he create a travel book for each expedition, and they document it with pictures and anecdotes.

Petra

- She’s Carla’s first child from her previous marriage. Her dad was in the army and died on duty when she was little. Zeke is a few months older, and they didn’t like each other at first. Now she tolerates him, but they have very opposite point of views in life which sparks some quarrels during diners.

- Half-German from Carla’s side and she speaks the language too.

- Her best girl friend is Nifa.

- She’s all about stationary stuff! She has a super chic bedroom with a beautifully decorated study area. She owns a Cricut machine and makes custom stuff for her friends. She gets inspiration from the people around her and their interests to create cute collections to sell on her Etsy shop.

- Played volleyball along with Hanji, Nifa, Nanaba, and Lynne, and she still coaches her high school team. (Because she mostly has support/team kills in canon, I think she was the setter and glued the team with her sportsmanship and teamwork.)

- Levi and she were the firsts of their entire group of friends to get together. However, they kept it to each other and their immediate family. The others found out when Eren asked Levi if the Ackermans were still coming over for dinner during lunch one day (dang it Eren!).

Gunther

- Fully German, but he was born in Trost and doesn’t speak the language at all.

- The only one not really into sports, but is still active enough to keep a good shape. He was a baryton saxophone player for the jazz band. That being said, he’s still able to follow hockey nights because he plays NHL on his PlayStation and follows the news.

- Levi excluded, Gunther and Petra are the last two brain cells of the group. They almost always chose each other when they did projects or small work. Out of spite, they once decided to do a team of 4 project with Moblit and Nifa instead of Eld and Oruo and to prove they carry the squad.

- Super popular on social media for some reason?

- Dad of the group since day one. He looks scary sometimes, but he’s just a big softie.

- King of the aux cord. I would trust him with my life.

Oruo

- Scottish Oruo anyone? Somehow has a German accent and tries to pick up ladies by speaking very broken Spanish? Calls himself Mr. Worldwide (will make more sense at the end of the list).

- Is favorite cookie? Oreo. “The company should feel blessed about having a cookie with a name like mine” “Oruo they were made before your parents even thought about conceiving you”.

- Because he’s a competitive little shit, he was also part of the swimming team.

- You know when a potato chip brand does a mystery flavour? He always tries to guess it with Moblit and will spend a ton of money to get the cash prize.

> The thing is: he hates chips. “Those are an abomination why would you eat those when you have popcorn. As much as I LOVE to clean, they are messy, and the stains are hard to remove from the sofa.”

> Moblit guesses the mystery flavor right all the time, thus making him the winner of all bets and leaving Oruo a little poorer each time.

- He cares a lot about his friends, even if it doesn’t show because he insults everyone. HOWEVER! If anyone else tries to insult them, he’s going to throw fists and will make people cry with his insults.

- Tried to get into Harvard just to flex.

> Newsflash: he didn’t.

- Gelgar and he are the party masters. They know how to throw a mean fiesta, and it’s almost always a huge success.

Rivetra bits

- I feel like their relationship just… happened? They were friends one day and next thing you know they were dating.

- Double dates with Mikenana or Mobuhan.

- Mikasa loves Petra and always reminds Levi to marry her one day. On the other hand, Eren was scared of Levi at first and didn’t understand what his half-sister saw in him, but he changed his mind over time. He can’t see anyone else with his big sister now.

> On that note, Zeke can’t get over the fact that she chose to date is so called “enemy”.

- They don’t like the attention which is why they haven’t said anything for a very long time.

> However, the other three had a little idea of what was going on, but they are best friend material and kept the info to themselves.

- Winter. Wedding. Petra with a long sleeve dress and Levi being handsome as always.

___________________

Do we like it? Do we hate it? What happened to the Ackermans in Canada? The Jäger household dynamic would be nuts!

Please let me know your thoughts! Should I do more of these in this AU?

If you have any other verse idea and would like someone to write it up let me know!

#rivetra #levi x petra #og levi squad #levi ackerman #eld jinn #petra ral #gunther schultz #hockey pucks and cricuts #oruo bozad #I was bored as f #onyx writes #onyx writes snk

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blackjack-15 · 3 years

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Adoration to Ashes, Dust to Just — Thoughts on: Alibi in Ashes (ASH)

Previous Metas: SCK/SCK2, STFD, MHM, TRT, FIN, SSH, DOG, CAR, DDI, SHA, CUR, CLK, TRN, DAN, CRE, ICE, CRY, VEN, HAU, RAN, WAC, TOT, SAW, CAP

Hello and welcome to a Nancy Drew meta series! 30 metas, 30 Nancy Drew Games that I’m comfortable with doing meta about. Hot takes, cold takes, and just Takes will abound, but one thing’s for sure: they’ll all be longer than I mean them to be.

Each meta will have different distinct sections: an Introduction, an exploration of the Title, an explanation of the Mystery, a run-through of the Suspects. Then, I’ll tackle some of my favorite and least favorite things about the game, and finish it off with ideas on how to improve it.

If any game requires an extra section or two, they’ll be listed in the paragraphs above, along with my list of previous metas.

These metas are not spoiler free, though I’ll list any games/media that they might spoil here: ASH; mention of a whole host of previous games with the Hardy Boys in them; mention of SCK; mention of STFD; mention of FIN; mention of DED; small spoilers for SPY; unflattering mention of the Nancy Drew: Girl Detective series; brief mention of erotic-shifter-romance book Bearllionaire.

The Intro:

Welcome to the Nancy Games, lads!

Before we begin, since we’re at the beginning of a new “section” of games, let’s go over exact what the “Nancy Games” entail. Unlike the other games, this section (which runs from ASH through SPY) of games is most concerned with Nancy’s personality, growth, and showing her through a different character foil each game.

These games not only give us a better picture of who Nancy is, but also how she fits (or doesn’t fit) into the world around her and with the people that she meets. Rather than solving the case, these games are made to make Nancy react to things; rather than ‘where is Nancy Drew’ or ‘what case is Nancy Drew tackling’, the preeminent question for ASH and the four games after it is simple: ‘Who Is Nancy Drew?’.

Though only possible because of the nature of the miscellaneous games (WAC, TOT) and the Faerietale Games (SAW, CAP), the Nancy Games have been sorely needed since the series graduated past the first few cases. For a lot of the series, the games weren’t really concerned with the main character of the series, preferring her to be a blank slate that players could superimpose themselves onto…which, as recent media (such as Twilight, and Twilight But With Bondage This Time), isn’t a good basis for a character outside of a dime-store bodice ripper.

But these games aren’t Bearllionaire, they’re detective stories, and detective stories need a strong main detective to carry the story — not to mention the stakes.

That’s where these games come in. Building obviously to the story in SPY, each game explores another facet of Nancy’s personality, and shows what she could become — or could have become, in a few instances — should she let the more negative sides of her personality take over, or if she trusts the wrong kind of people and makes the wrong friends.

How better to illustrate than by showing exactly the kinds of people that Nancy’s friends are? That’s what ASH is primarily concerned about — showing who Nancy is by showing the reactions of people who have known her all her life to a crisis. The only difference between Nancy and her Foil in this game is the fact that Nancy has good people — good friends — fighting for her. It’s how she gets herself out of jail, and how she manages to solve the crime.

And it’s a fun (if a bit clunky) game mechanic as well.

This is why this story can only happen in Nancy’s hometown. Not only is it delightful for fans to see (modern-day, as we saw the old version in CLK) River Heights for the first time and get to explore a bit around the town, but hometowns in media are quite significant when looking at who a character is.

Almost always, a hometown is used as sort of a microcosm for the character, giving us a bit of a cheat sheet into who they are as a person just by showing their environment. Think about it — how many times in cop shows (which are the most blatant offenders by far) are we told that a character is from a small town, and thus they’re intent on proving themselves, probably a ridiculously hard worker (to get out of “that place”), and a bit more innocent than their inner-city colleagues? Or that a character grew up overseas to justify their interest in international crime, establish them as a bit of a wildcard, and handwave them knowing about 16 languages? Or that they grew up “on the streets”, justifying a hidden juvenile record, skills in hand-to-hand combat, and a soft spot for Youths Just Like Them?

(But enough about Criminal Minds. I’d rather focus on something that actually has thought put into it.)

The same thing is happening here in ASH; from River Heights, we can extrapolate that Nancy is well-off, straight-forward, comfortable largely around adults (think about it — ignoring the usual phone characters, we only meet one person around Nancy’s age in RH, and she hates her), and has a drive to be Somewhere Other than her small town.

Another interesting point is that River Heights is chosen as the backdrop for something that has only happened twice in the series, and only once been done well: a personal revenge story against Nancy herself. Sure, RAN attempted it, but RAN’s story is — if you haven’t read that meta, spoilers — hot, flaming garbage, and the personal revenge plotline is bungled to the extreme, resulting in it not putting across that theme very effectively.

ASH is different; from the very beginning, it’s obvious that whoever is doing this is working off of a person grudge against Nancy specifically — and burned down the town hall in order to implicate her, so they’re not playing around. It’s the reason that the culprit search is so focused, which really benefits the games as well. The question isn’t really “who would want to get rid of Town Hall”, it’s “who hates Nancy enough to burn down a building to get her in trouble”. It makes questioning so much more interesting — and very full of mines, which is Great — when it’s the person, rather than the specific crime, that matters.

The last thing I’ll touch on in this introduction is a question that the fandom has posed both seriously and jokingly many times over the last….almost exactly 10 years (10 years!!! I need to lie down my land!!!) since the game first came out: where are the Hardy Boys? Surely, if there was ever a game where they made sense to appear, it would be this one; their friend is in prison and needs the help of practiced investigators — you’d think that even if Carson wouldn’t think of hiring them (which, as desperate as he was, he totally would have), that Nancy would have given them a call, if only to see if ATAC had anything on the suspects.

There are two reasons why the Hardy Boys don’t appear, from a storytelling perspective (ignoring the issue of how much money it would cost to include them or any other technical considerations), no matter how much I would have liked them here, or how much sense it would have been to at least name drop them, if not make them phone friends.

The first is to keep the game centered on River Heights. Everyone in the game — both suspects and allies — is from River Heights and is a part of the town’s makeup. Our suspects reporter, a politician-slash-ice-cream-store-owner, an ex-detective-turned-antiques-dealer, and a college student born and raised in RH. They represent different facets of the town — the media, the political, the business, and the rising generation — and so each represent a part of the town. Nancy’s allies all fall under the “rising generation” — the “Future of the Town”, if you will — or under the justice system category, with Carson. Even the Chief represents another facet — the law — that can both hurt and help Nancy in turn. By keeping all suspects and allies tied to the town, the mystery and the story can focus on exactly what’s going down in River Heights, without any distractions.

The second reason that the Hardy Boys don’t appear is a little less obvious and a little less cut-and-dried plain fact, but I find it compelling enough to mention here: Ned is present. Other than as a foil in CAP (and an oddity in CRE/VEN), the Hardy Boys don’t appear in the games where Ned is present — it tends to be an either/or thing as far as phone characters are concerned. The why of this is, admittedly, conjecture, but I do find it fascinating that the two (three, technically) don’t intersect — and when they do, it’s to compare them.

Also there are not enough fics of the time Nancy sent Ned to hang out with the Hardy Boys like their house was a vacation kennel and Joe broke Ned’s car. Just saying.

Ned represents River Heights, safety, security, constancy, and comfort — the same things that the other River Heights phone friends (Carson, George, Bess, Hannah) do, albeit to a slightly lesser extent. The Hardy Boys, on the other hand, represent excitement, danger, the unknown, new discoveries, and growth — as do, in different extents, the non-River Heights returning phone friends (Hotchkiss, Savannah, Prudence).

Nancy sits squarely in the middle of these two extremes; she’s from River Heights, but she’s not exactly of River Heights, if you get my meaning. As the games have progressed, they’ve shown Nancy moving further and further away from safe, small, friend-related cases to professional jobs with more than a few people actively trying to kill her. For me, that’s the reason we don’t see the Hardy Boys and Ned mostly in the same games; they represent different spheres of Nancy’s life.

And, had competent writer(s) stayed and the games not, well, imploded due to Penny being one of the worst business people I’ve ever encountered, it would have been interesting to see that push-and-pull dynamic being expressed in Nancy’s relationships. As it is…thank Heaven for AO3, am I right?

Now, let’s refocus on ASH in specific, and talk about its composite parts, shall we?

The Title:

Other than being catchy and evocative (and telling us exactly what crime was committed here — that of arson), Alibi in Ashes is also a notable title for its flexibility in meaning. Like CAP, there are so many different connotations for “fire”, and all of them apply neatly to this game.

First, we’re dealing with the literal fire that sends Town Hall up in smoke, and the inciting incident for our mystery (and Nancy’s jail time). Next, we have the word “fire” standing in for “emergency” — as in “where’s the fire” — and there seems to be a new emergency every five minutes in this game — the fire, Nancy’s arrest, Bess breaking the vase, Carson’s absence, etc.

After that, we venture even further down the abstract hole, and dive into the political — whistleblowing, which is often referred to as “setting a/the fire”. This is partially what Nancy does, and is also what Brenda likes to do, no matter the accuracy of the report. Finally, we stay with Brenda for the term “media wildfire” – which is exactly what Nancy’s arrest (due to Brenda’s machinations) causes.

The title in total — “Alibi in Ashes” — also works in a few different senses. Literally speaking, Nancy’s alibi — and the evidence to prove it — is in the ashes of Town Hall, waiting to be discovered. More metaphorically, due to the work of the culprit, Nancy’s alibi (aka her innocence) is in pieces, in ashes — it’s been destroyed. Finally, in a literary sense, Nancy’s situation can be shown in the “ashes” of a past life — in the “wildfire” that destroyed Alexei’s life and career as a detective.

Its acronym being “ASH” is also pretty awesome, not gonna lie.

It’s the multifaceted nature of the title that really gives it its staying power, catchiness aside. Many titles are just as good as ASH’s, but almost none work harder at having so many possible meanings that are all represented in the text of the game itself.

The Mystery:

Sufficiently chastened into spending more time at home (at least for a few days), Nancy comes home in order to spearhead her team (consisting of Ned, Bess, and George) to victory in the River Heights Clues Challenge. This friendly little competition that included No Cheating Whatsoever on the part of Other Teams heats up, however, when a clue leads Nancy to the historic Town Hall — only to have it erupt in flames minutes later. Coughing but still moving, Nancy escapes the inferno…only to be greeted by the suspicious press, declaring her guilty of setting a beloved building on fire.

Things only get worse when Chief McGinnis shows up the next day, taking Nancy into custody due to political pressure in the town. An arsonist is afoot in River Heights, and unless her friends can dig up some dirt on someone — or everyone — else, it looks like Nancy Drew won’t just be convicted by the press, but by the town that raised her…

As a mystery, ASH has some great personal stakes — for Nancy and for our suspects — and pretty layered motivations. The cast comes alive through their relations to Nancy, especially as she’s unprotected with Carson being in Australia. The shift in the mystery that occurs when Nancy can finally get out and speak to the suspects — and seeing how differently they treat her than how they treated the other members of the cast — really helps to add something new to a mystery that’s tying itself up a bit, and give it the last push of gas it needs to get us to the conclusion.

While it’s not the most involved, complex, or thematic Nancy Drew mystery ever, it does what it needs to do, and does it well – and that’s honestly all I want in a game more devoted (as it should be) to character than it is to a twisty plot.

The Suspects:

ASH has a rather full cast (not because of the size of the suspect pool, but because there are so many people involved that should be mentioned), so let’s get started with our suspects, then move on to our other cast members.

Brenda Carlton, resident Reporter of River Heights News and perpetual thorn in Nancy’s side, is both our first suspect and our culprit, proving once again that the media cannot be trusted. We haven’t had a reporter be our culprit in 21 games (TRT’s Lisa being the previous example), so I guess we were due, but Brenda is a delightfully hateful example of just how bad the media can be, so kudos for that.

And this game didn’t even come out in an election year. How refreshing.

As a suspect, Brenda is awesome. Catty, arrogant, and with a penchant for dressing up as Nancy – titian wig and all! – to perform her dastardly, dastardly acts, the game doesn’t try to be subtle for one second that she’s up to no good. While Nancy and Brenda are equally as interested — and equally as talented, by all appearances – in ferreting out a good story, Brenda takes it a step further and makes one if she can’t find one – and nurses a grudge against Nancy for exposing her for it.

Up next is ice cream shop owner and scaly politician Antonia “Toni” Scallari, a woman with a bright-eyed, smiling public face — and if you don’t like that face, don’t worry…she has others. Toni is your typical politician — pretends to be nice and pleasant, is actually a scheming villain, hates people who do honest work, and thinks that fairness in government is a luxury – but the game does stop shy of making her The Villain, preferring instead to show the crimes she’s committed in her search for money and power and letting her quietly bow out of the election.

So definitely better than she deserved, but at least the game shows her corrupt nature rather than sweeping it under the rug.

As a suspect, Toni would have made a decent villain, but it would have turned the game into a tale of cold political expediency and machinations, rather than hot-blooded revenge, and that would have been a shame. I’m a fan of how the games from about TOT on always have multiple characters who Do Crimes and Bad Things, and Toni is a prime example of a bad guy who just happens not to be The Bad Guy.

Third on the docket of suspects is our resident grumpy old man (and Nancy’s foil in this game) Alexei Markovic, who provides not only some of the best voice work in the game, but whose age is also proof that Nancy’s dad really is the silver-haired DILF we’ve been waiting for.

C’mon, he prosecuted Alexei when Alexei was 20. The youngest Carson could have been was 25 if he booked it through college, took no breaks to study for the LSAT, and blazed through law school — and immediately got a job the day after graduation. And seeing as Alexei has the “old coot” personality and grey hair…well, Carson is probably straddling the line between DILF and GILF.

(I’m so sorry for that aside, guys, it got away from me. I’m equally sorry for the first recorded use of the term “GILF” in the Nancy Drew fandom. It’s not the legacy I wanted, but perhaps the legacy I deserve.)

Back to Alexei!

Alexei is a great character, full-stop, and his VA just improves the experience more. Bitter and jaded, but by no means uncaring or evil or myopic about his troubles, Alexei is, where Nancy is concerned, a bleeding heart whose blood happens to run cold. While he could be bitter about Carson playing a part in taking away everything he had, and thus treat Nancy poorly, he instead empathizes deeply, wants to help, and, in effect, treats her the way that somebody — anybody — should have treated him.

As a suspect, Alexei, as Nancy’s foil in the game, would have been a poor choice; he’s not really there to be suspicious, he’s there to show the stakes of the mystery. No matter if Carson could find a world-class defender to get Nancy off the charges, no matter if they couldn’t even indict her, the stakes aren’t “Nancy will go to jail for Realsies” — the stakes are the town turning its back, she loses those she loves, and is unable to do the job that is the essence of who she is. In other words, if things go poorly, Nancy becomes Alexei.

One of the reasons that Alexei is such a good character is that he recognizes this immediately, and is determined to do all he can to prevent that. Sure, he knows the odds are stacked against him, and the whole town is his enemy, and he won’t get anything for helping out — but at his heart, he’s still the Magnificent Markovic; “no case too big, no fee too small,” remember?

Last of the actual suspects is noted red-light runner and girl in envious, envious green, Deirdre Shannon. Deirdre’s a rather divisive character in the fandom — especially of late — but is a character I stand firmly on the side of great, for a few reasons.

The first is that the games took a 1-dimensional, wouldn’t-cast-a-shadow-if-you-turned-her-sideways character from the Girl Detective books, there purely to make Nancy look good, and instead gave her a fully realized character, sympathetic motivations, and a whip-sharp tongue.

The second is her hilarious banter with the River Heights crew and wry sense of humor, which would be enough to make her a favorite character of mine alone.

Annoyed by constant, unflattering comparisons to Nancy from her parents (her father also being a lawyer in River Heights), she’s amused when Nancy’s arrested — though, if you read in between the lines, never suspects Nancy actually set the fire nor thinks Nancy will ultimately get the blame — though not as amused at Bess’ spying on her. She harbors a not-secret crush on Ned and enjoys spending time with him, girlfriend or no girlfriend — though it should be noted that even Ned isn’t spared her sharp tongue.

As a culprit, Deirdre would have been the obvious choice for writers who were the caliber of…well, of the Girl Detective series writers, but thankfully we’re on a higher playing field with Nik, Cathy, and the rest of the crew behind ASH. Deirdre is a snarky observer, but that’s as far as her ‘evil’ goes — and looking at her methodology for solving the Clues Challenge clues (and her commentary on her compatriots) is a joy — real detective work, indeed!

After our suspects, let’s talk about our players on the side of Right — or at least, on the side of Nancy — starting with the girl detective herself (as we will for all of the Nancy Games). ASH provides a better look at Nancy than we’ve had before (as befitting the first of the Nancy Games)

Nancy Drew is our main character, sometimes-protagonist, and at times villain protagonist — especially in the eyes of our culprits — when it comes to unearthing long-buried hurts and wrongs. Stuck in jail for a crime she didn’t commit due to political and community pressure, for the first time, the girl detective can’t really do anything by herself, and is relegated to “phone friend” while her boyfriend and childhood friends are running around frantically trying to introduce reasonable doubt in a frame-up par excellence.

Our source in SPY refers to Nancy as an autodidact — one who teaches themselves — and that’s a perfect summation of Nancy’s character. She’s no museum expert, nor cowgirl, nor entomologist, nor any other hat she’s put on — but she can fake it if someone hums a few bars. Her other big pluses as a detective are (once again according to the source in SPY) in interrogation and code/puzzle breaking — and the differences in the questions that Ned et al pose and the questions Nancy poses to our suspects does bear out the first point, at the very least. Her code and puzzle skills are the usual fallback for the games’ mysteries, more so in the modern games than in older ones (which is both a good and bad thing, depending on what types of puzzles you like).

In ASH, we learn about a key trait of Nancy’s — self-sufficiency, and, more importantly, the limits of that self-sufficiency. Able to fake most things until she makes it, Nancy is finally put in a situation where she can’t do anything by herself, and it’s a source of frustration and impatience to her that overrides other feelings (“Also, I’m in jail, and I would really like to get out,” anyone?). It’s rather stunning that Nancy goes from a triumphant Girl in the Dress to stuck in a police station, relying on the phone and her own intuition, and it does some good for her character exposure and development.

Next up is Edward “Ned” Nickerson, erstwhile boyfriend and long-suffering Emerson College student, Ned is part of an honors fraternity and is in River Heights for the Clues Challenge — and to see his girlfriend, of course. While his attempts to be Detective Ned have really only resulting in finding the keys that were in his pocket, Ned is nevertheless quite useful in getting information out of Deirdre (and is responsible for one of the funniest bits of dialogue in the game that’s not spoken directly by Deirdre).

According to the files from SPY, Ned’s defining characteristics are his honestly and his loyalty, both of which mean that he’s the ideal ‘phone friend’ when Nancy’s in a pickle — and means of course he’d be front and center, ready to do anything he needs to in order to help clear Nancy’s name. His main role in the game, however (and very interesting, as one of 6 or so Neirdre shippers in the fandom!) is to be the object of Deirdre’s window-shopping affections and to be made fun of (good-naturedly, of course) by his friends.

Because of his relationship (such as it is) with an overtly antagonistic character, Ned’s a lot of fun in ASH. I feel like he gets a lot of characterization that he often lacks in most other games (excepting CAP and SPY, of course), and it just makes me like him more.

George Fayne is also here to help — though, irritatingly, not required the same way Bess and Ned are — with her knowledge of technology and impeccable Togo-watching skills. George is a great character in the OG Nancy Drew books – the ultra-modern, straightforward, clumsy flapper, to contrast Bess’ more genteel sensibilities and Nancy’s down to earth, practical, yet fashionable nature — and one of the greatest disservices that the 60s rewrites, post-60s ND books, and, yes, the game series has done to the ND universe is to turn her into a “hurr-durr tomboy because name George like boy name” sort of mockery of her original character.

And no, I’m not crediting her as “Georgia”, because that was not her name in the books. Her name was George, full stop — once again, quite fashionable of her to have a “boy’s” name in the 20s/30s — named after her grandfather. You may fight me on this, but you will not win.

George is noted to have above-average skills in mechanical engineering, and indeed creates a jammer to stop Brenda’s broadcast in the game, but is otherwise…well, kind of pushed to the side in favor of Bess and Ned, her enmity with Deirdre notwithstanding. I’ll address this issue more in The Un-Favorite and The Fix, but a few tweaks while developing the game would have gone a long way towards defining George as a character — we’re ignoring MED wholesale, don’t worry — and helping the gameplay be a bit more varied.

George’s maternal cousin, Elizabeth “Bess” Marvin, on the other hand, is basically required to get what you need to know from Toni, but is very much not the favorite person of Alexei, due to her breaking an antique vase upon coming into his shop.

When a vase can survive the Nazis but not Bess Marvin, it seems a shame that Bess didn’t go to France with Nancy during DAN. They would have found that secret room with the artwork in like a minute and a half.

Bess is mentioned to lack judgment (her reveal of George’s crush on the snack shop boy illustrates that pretty well) but to have above-average intuition and, while manipulated easily enough, is too honest for that manipulation to really cause any lasting harm. Because of her sweet, open nature — and her open pocketbook when it comes to ice cream — she’s a favorite of Toni’s, and uses that in order to try to clear Nancy’s name and discover just what illegal, corrupt pies Toni has her grubby little politician hands in.

Going a little less friendly and a little less college-aged for our next helper, we turn to Chief McGinnis, a grumpy pushover of a cop who’s really only important for letting Nancy walk around a Police Station and solve a crime while under arrest because he didn’t wanna do his job, and for a hilarious diatribe about Pancake City.

Seriously, I go and watch that scene every so often when I need a good laugh. ASH has some fabulous comic writing, and McGinnis’ rant is a prime example.

McGinnis is pretty ineffectual as a helper, but he does allow for the first 2/3 of the game to happen by locking Nancy up (“You cannot leave jail! This is a very basic concept!), and for that, we salute him.

Rounding out our cast of Nancy-supporters is Carson Drew, who is (frustratingly, to him) stuck in Australia when all this goes down, and thus cannot use his legal prowess to free her.

Of course, as a prosecutor, I’m not sure how much help he’d be anyway, but hey, a lawyer is a lawyer is a lawyer, at least in the ever-wise eyes of HER Interactive.

Carson’s really just there (or not there, as the case may be) to explain how Nancy can be locked up with such a powerful lawyer father, honestly, but he gets some good lines in, so we’ll forgive it. He’s also there to round out the “River Heights Cast”, but I can’t help feeling that, if we were gonna have another Drew in this game, I would have taken the puppy over the golf ball. #Togo4Ever

The Favorite:

There’s a lot to love in ASH, so I’m going to focus on the biggest things. Suffice to say if a part of the game isn’t in this section but isn’t in the Un-Favorite, I love it.

I’m going to start off just by saying that the dialogue in ASH is wonderful. We’ve got distinct individual voices, sarcasm galore, enough cattiness to fuel the Halle Berry movie, and great interpersonal work, especially with Alexei.

One of the places Nik truly shines is dialogue, and a small-town environment like River Heights really shows off his skill. I sometimes hear the charge that “no one talks like this!!” leveled against the Nik games but, honestly, I talk to people every day who speak similarly to Nik’s characters, allowing for the differences in written and spoken speech, and so do most people I know. Allusions, analogies, metaphors, and aphorisms aren’t just for English class — they’re part of speaking well.

If you really wanna see dialogue where “no one talks like this,” look at the early ND games. FIN is a particularly bad offender, but SCK and STFD aren’t much better.

My favorite puzzle in the game is the letter swap puzzle inside of Scoop, by far. Sure, I enjoy other puzzles — Alexei’s number box, fingerprinting, the suspect board — immensely, and have a blast doing them, but I can spend hours figuring out old quotes on that aqua background and not notice the time passing one jot. It’s fun, references old games, and is exactly the kind of puzzle that gets me excited anyway, and I love it to pieces.

My favorite moment in the game is probably the moment Nancy takes control and goes and talks to Toni, oddly enough. The stark difference in what Toni says about Nancy while she’s in the station to what she says to her face is like a brick wall to the chest, and is, every time, the moment when you see exactly how River Heights turned on Alexei so completely as to push him out of his job and into the antique business. It’s a moment of almost stomach-sinking disgust, and I absolutely adore the game for not pulling its punches and instead keeping true to one of its major themes — that you need to see who people are in the dark, not when they’re facing you.

In the light of day, Alexei is just a cantankerous old man; Toni is a smiling, motherly ice cream store owner, Brenda is a hard-hitting reporter, and Deirdre is a vapid Queen Bee type. Under the cover of darkness, however, we see Alexei’s charity and heart, Toni’s corruption and two-faced nature, Brenda’s unethical and illegal means to her ends, and Deirdre’s soft center. And I love the game for pointing out the world of difference it makes to see what someone truly is.

For my last point, there are two characters are of note in this game that I love for very different reasons.

The first is Alexei, who is the inspiration behind the title of the meta. There’s something incredibly compelling about Alexei’s down-to-earth nature and the way he deals with being dealt the poorest hand in the world without ever dipping into “woe is me” or any other self-indulgent crap. Insatiably curious, bright, and caustic, Alexei feels like the perfect person to sit down, drink a cup of something warm, and talk about puzzles, antiques, and harsh truths with.

He’s a character who watched his entire life fall apart with one bad person’s actions — “one time, just once, I tried to speak truth to power, and man if I didn’t pay the price” — but still had it in him to keep going, even if it wasn’t what he was doing before. He went from being the town’s golden boy to a pariah, and yet still looks after River Heights and its history, even becoming the curator of the River Heights Museum (when it opens). The difference between his reaction to being falsely accused to, say, Noisette Tornade’s (DAN) reaction to being “falsely” accused is huge and, I think, rather inspiring.

The second is Deirdre Shannon, if you couldn’t tell by my gushing about her above, and, can I just say, I love everything about her. There’s a temptation to assume at first blush that she’s your average boy-stealing popular rich girl a la WAC, but actually looking at her tells a different story.

Sure, the rich part is true — but so is Nancy, and from the looks of their houses and all the trips/vacations they do, the Marvins and Faynes seem pretty well off as well. She shares the tendency for a sharp tongue with Nancy as well (as befitting her status as Nancy’s foil in DED, stay tuned!). Deirdre also doesn’t qualify as popular — her two “friends” that she hangs out with in ASH for the Clues Challenge are still in their “free trial”, and aren’t really her friends.

And her feelings for Ned? While she openly flirts with him (even if Ned doesn’t get it until the girls tell him), Deirdre isn’t looking to actually cause damage (if only because she sees Ned as completely unobtainable), and is up-front about everything she does to Nancy’s face. Putting yourself in her shoes, she’s a bright girl, in love with a boy who is the definition of out-of-reach, is constantly (and negatively) compared to the boy’s girlfriend, and feels stuck in her small town, desperate to move beyond the boredom. In other words, in any other story, she’s the protagonist. It just so happens — as she’s acutely aware — not to be her story. And that’s the kind of character that it’s impossible for me not to love.

And speaking of things impossible to love…

The Un-Favorite:

My biggest problem with ASH, as was mentioned above, is the fact that George is relegated mechanically and interpersonally to the “unimportant” bin. Nancy, Bess, and Ned all have suspects that like and don’t like them, while all George gets is a note that her and Deirdre particularly don’t get along — no extrapolation, no explanation. It makes the decision to include her as a playable character feel a bit like a last-minute decision, like Bess and Ned were planned and George was supposed to be watching Togo until the very end when she makes the jammer or something.

My least favorite puzzle in the game has got to be the stacking of the boxes and crawling towards the exit at the start to escape the fire; it’s a time-sensitive puzzle, which are usually my least favorite, and takes the mechanics of Renate’s bag puzzle and small visual distinctions, which we’ve already noted in the last meta are not particularly my jam either. I wouldn’t replace or get rid of it, it’s just my least favorite. I tend to start my game from a save I have after the puzzle — while I have to refresh on the opening occasionally, it’s better than the frustration from the combined puzzle.

I don’t have a least favorite moment from the game, to be quite honest, so let’s move on to the last section of this meta.

The Fix:

So how would I fix Alibi in Ashes?

The big thing I would change would to be to ensure that each member of Team Danger should have one culprit that likes them and one culprit that hates especially them. Nancy already has Alexei for her plus and Brenda for her minus, and Bess should keep Toni and Alexei, respectively, but both Ned and George need one more. Luckily, with four friends and four suspects, they’ll divide up evenly very easily.

My fix would be to have Ned keep Deirdre as his plus and give him Toni as his minus (local business owners usually don’t like football players for being rowdy and taking up a lot of seats, plus he’s Nancy’s boyfriend and staunchest defender).

George, meanwhile, keeps Deirdre as her minus (though flesh it out a bit more — what exactly went wrong there?) and gains Brenda as her plus. Not only would this make the endgame where she creates the jammer a little more interesting, I’d note that George and Brenda have a bit in common, due to Brenda’s technical and mechanical prowess that we see throughout the game. Throw in something with George having done a technical internship with the River Heights broadcasting network or something during high school, and we’d get a slightly different side of Brenda, even though George still dislikes her privately.

Just fixing this issue would be enough to where nothing in ASH would stand out as a real negative, but for my second, smaller fix, I’d make the friends able to call each other to change off, instead of having to call Nancy, then have her call the other person. That slows the game down and is needlessly clunky, and I’m still not quite sure why they did it.

Once those two things are fixed, there’s nothing in the way of ASH being a truly excellent game. Sure, it’s not as thematic as the few games preceding it, but it’s not supposed to be — it’s supposed to have an entertaining mystery while showing us a little more of who Nancy really is and why she does what she does, and on those (and most other) fronts, ASH is an incredibly solid, enjoyable game that I replay whenever I get the chance.

#nancy drew #clue crew #nancy drew games #alibi in ashes #nancy drew meta #long post #my meta #ASH #video games

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entropic-introspection · 3 years

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Final Fantasy XIV: A Quick(ish) Summary As Told By Someone Too Lazy To Recheck Exact Times/Things

1.0- We don't talk about it

A Realm Reborn (ARR)- for some strange reason the world got like, completely blown up 5 years ago, crazy! You are some dumb kid from nowhere in particular, with nothing but the clothes on your back and a weapon that is little more than a chunk of wood, or a book. Possibly just your fists. You have got 50 levels and a shitload of lore to get through until you reach the first expansion.

Essentially: you don't have enough money for chicken nuggets, your fashion game is nonexistent, and every high level player calls you a sprout and exhibits Concern about your every action (they mean well).

Garlemald bad, Ascians bad, Eorzea uhhh trying to be good but kinda racist/capitalist/pirates with a history of colonialism, Coerthas is French Catholic and in the Crusades with the dragons. Hydaelin... good? Confusing, for sure, often referred to as Mother in text. Primals bad and scary, but fortunately you are immune to their mind-fuckery techniques thanks to Crystal Mom and surprisingly good at kicking their asses. Garleans mad that you ""savages"" keep killing Primals, despite having a whole mandate against Primals and Primal summoning. Ascians mad that you keep killing Primals because Ascians are dicks. People die, there is an amnesia plot, some annoying twerp is annoyingly right about a lot of things and also you can't get rid of him, Moogles, possession, fucking Ancient Aliens Allagans (if it's a problem in ARR, it's Ascians or Allagans aight), and hey ho you go and kick Garlean asses until they throw a giant machine at you that they stuffed full of Primal juice. Such devastation-!

Then there is the slightly post ARR stuff, where we're still level 50-ish but not really into the next expansion. So basically, we meet Dragon Dad who slaps Crystal Mom's blessing off of you to build character, Ascians are once again dicks, Who The Hell Names These Things, wow Lysanderoth you're definitely not suspicious at all, and our annoying twerp is dabbling in politics and for some reason you're getting fond of him?? Just in time for...

Heavensward (Lvl 50-60)- Congratulations, you are now an enemy of the state! We return/flee to French Catholic Coerthas/Ishgard, where we get to room with our Dear Friend, Haurchefant.

Don't mind how all the high leveled players have started crying. This expansion is emotionally devastating, has a great storyline, and also features canonical consensual dragon vore as a plot point. You know that tweet that's all "Church bad because they won't let you fuck dragons"? Yes, that's Heavensward. You will still cry. We embark on an epic road trip with the annoying twerp (ft his existential teenage crisis), a famous dragon killer and sadboi, and a famous lady who advocates peace/fucking dragons. Somehow, none of you kill each other. Instead, you murder a weirdly attractive bug-man with good music and a desire for violence, a giant flying whale, and some old dudes. You also beat up the same Ascian from the first bit, again. And again, in his final(?) form. Dragon Dad has come along to watch your progress, and also check on his kids cause he's actually, y'know, the entire progenitor of the dragon race. Wow! His family is very sad, mostly. But he does like you, so hey, he can adopt you and have one kid that turned out ok and happy! Hahahahha there's no therapists in Eorzea :')

Then we get to deal with "Hey we ended your like 500 year+ Crusade and kind of upended your social structures, y'all good?" (no), something something Warriors of Darkness, something something Urianger sus, then ALISAIE JOINS THE PARTY. I love her ok, let me have this. She's the annoying twerp's twin, and she's more inclined to hitting things that politics and philosophy. She's also kind of crushing on you. Also Minfillia kinda fucks off to nowhere, which is weird, b/c she has been Important but also Not Involved with the plot for like. 8 years.

Stormblood (Lvl 60-70)- Return of Lysanderoth! Briefly. Before he fucks you over, again. And a bunch of other people, honestly. But hey, this puts Eorzea in open contention with Garlemald for the first time in years, instead of them hovering in an uneasy cold war. For the first goddamn time in the game, you canonically get your ass kicked. Hard. So hard you decide fuck it! And go overseas to Fantasy Japan/China to visit some nice people you helped out earlier. You get catfished. You meet a weeb. There's some pirates, and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. There's Ravana take 2, this time in a slightly more 'Forever 21' phase. Wild, young, free, REJOICE.

You attempt to inspire rebellion (since your character doesn't talk much, this is quite difficult). Garleans crack down, and hey look, the dude who kicked your ass is back! Prince Zenos Yae Galvus, as by this point you've hopefully learned, even if you're bad with names like me. He kicks your ass again, but this time we break his helmet, and wait shit is he... kind of hot? Maybe? Fuck?? He pins you to a wall and tells you to find him later, it's all confusing and prompts strange butterflies in stomachs. (Side note: as a lesbian, I am making some assumptions here. Mostly based off of how I reacted to the idea of Tsukuyomi doing the same. Mm.)

Then he promptly fucks off, and to work off that sexual tension you square up and work with local friends on Rebellion! You get help from some neighboring nomads after proving you're cool enough to tame a bird, and this proves enough to free the area from Garlean control (for now). We go back to Eorzea, and prepare to kick Zenos' head in. He's playing hard to get though, so we gotta get through some other folks, learn hard lessons about war/colonization, and feel bad. AND THEN WE KICK HIS- oh no wait. Is he... coming on to us again? Oh jesus man, get a therapist, oh my god, this is awkward for us both. Turns out he's kinda depressed and just wants you. To fight him. To the death. There is some bullshittery and he becomes dragon. Fails to kill you, so he kills himself. (Spoiler: it doesn't stick)

The Garlean Empire is now pissed off at you, and Eorzea in general. Everyone is kung-fu fighting, but oops, Garlemald is preparing to commit ~war crimes~! Someone is doing something weird, which is making your Scion friends fall into comas, which is both very convenient and highly inconvenient, cause all of you are kinda needed right now! Zenos, or something in his body, is causing trouble as well. Look, even when we thought he was dead he was causing trouble.

Shadowbringers (Lvl 70-80): We find out what's been making our friends pass out- someone from another dimension has been trying to yoink you over to them, and like all attempts at using the Rescue spell, it just sometimes leads to hilarious accidents. In this case, some epic lag, so although your friends have only been out of it for a week or two at most, they've been in this other world for 5 whole years in some cases. Turns out, Garlean war crimes are all an Ascian plot (what isn't, by this point), and mysterious Crystal Exarch is hoping you can save this world and your own.

At this point, Yoshi P, the lead developer, pulls out a gun and asks if you've been doing all those side-quests and optional 48 man raids. He worked very hard on those, you know. He put in lots of lore. Then he asks if you remember all those dangling plot hooks from previous expansions. We're addressing a lot of those. And adding more. You are sweating and nodding frantically while scrolling a wiki on your phone.

You get to feel like you're in an Otome game, because there's two dudes being weirdly polite and interested in you, but also real snappish to each other in terms of "fuck off she's mine". Alisaie and Alphinaud off-screen character development. Urianger still sus. Thancred now a dad? Y'shtola still so good. A lot of things happen, and you get progressively sadder as the expansion goes on. You get a nice, great big burst of hope and love, and then SOMEONE is a DICK with a GUN. (It is not Yoshi P.)

Now you just feel bad. Your character feels bad. This is all build up for the A) some motherfucking revelations and B) the utter catharsis of "If you could take one more step... would you?" "What, all by myself?" "THROW WIDE THE GATE"

I have shed legitimate tears over Shadowbringers ok, between the music, story, and pacing it is an Experience. Oh my god tho, all the music from Shadowbringers is so good. La-HEE

#ffxiv #theres some spoilers in there but its all p nondescript #again: i aint checking exact facts here folks this is all in good fun

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desperationandgin · 4 years

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Strawberry Wine - Chapter 14

Also Read On: AO3

Summary: Where has Jamie been, and where did he think Claire was, all this time?

A/N: Thank you so much for the incredible and overwhelming outpouring of support for this little fic. You have all been amazing, and I'm so grateful you came back to finish reading ❤️See you back here next week for the 2nd to last chapter!

Chapter 14: I Come Back to this Place

He was there. Right there above me, staring as if I were the ghost.

Perhaps we both were.

Jamie was cupping the back of my head, a look of shock etched on his features, and when he spoke, it wasn’t in English. Finally, slowly, his eyes met mine, and I could see they were shining with unshed tears as he seemed to refuse to blink.

“Ye...ye’re alive, Sassenach…”

Carefully he helped me sit up, and when my hand wrapped around his arm, I felt the sting of my own emotion to feel him, real and solid under my touch.

“So are you,” I whispered. A tear slipped down my cheek and dripped onto the back of his hand as he cradled my face.

“I thought...they told me ye were dead,” he choked out, and I felt his body sag, the two of us coming together in a tangle of arms.

“I’m here,” I insisted over a tremor in my voice, taking his hand and pressing it to my chest, over the beating of my heart. “I’m here with you, Jamie.”

His free hand moved into my hair, cradling the back of my head as his eyes raked over my face. “I grieved for ye. Mourned and ached…”

My tears only fell with more force at his words, and I had to let go of a sob before I could begin to form words. “Then why did you come?”

Jamie blinked and looked down at me, rearranging himself so that he could better fold me in his embrace. He squeezed me as tightly as he dared while composing himself enough to speak. “I returned a few months ago, to see what condition the property was in, now that I’m in a position to buy it back into the family.”

His voice sounded rough, right on the edge of tears. He paused to kiss my temple, and I sank into the sensation, into the reality that was Jamie holding me.

“Somethin’ drew me out to the river,” he continued, dropping his forehead against mine. “I dinna ken what it was, but I thought of ye and found my way to the strawberries. I wanted to think of ye in the place where it was only ever the two of us. I found yer message and I…”

When he paused this time, I reached up with both hands to hold onto his face. “You had hope again.”

Jamie nodded against me. “I didna ken how it could truly be you. Officers told me ye were in an explosion,” he managed to say, even though his voice grew strained and broke. “That they couldna even find anythin’ to send home to bury.” He’d gone pale and looked as if he wanted to vomit.

I shook my head, trying to somehow wrap my entire body around him. “Another unit found me. But no one knew where I’d come from. I was injured,” I explained, wetting my lips as fresh tears began to fall. “The attack forced everyone to move, and by the time I regained consciousness, I had no idea where you might have gone.”

His eyes were closed, a frown drawing his brows together as his hands skimmed up my back slowly. “Yer letters began returning to me unopened.”

His voice was nothing more than a whisper, but I could feel his words in my bones.

“The day after they told me ye’d died, Ian and I went on a raid. I had no mind to return alive if it meant being denied a chance to be wi’ ye.”

I felt my chest heave as a sob attempted to wrench its way free from my throat, but I swallowed it back as my hands held onto him in desperate reassurance that he wasn’t a figment of a dream.

“I was injured as well. Ian…”

He trailed off and I looked up at him, prepared to mourn the man I’d once thought would be my brother-in-law.

“There was a bombing. Thank Christ he lived, but he lost a leg.”

I looked Jamie over and ran my hands down his arms. All there.

“But there was a fire. My clothing, it...” He cleared his throat uneasily. “It melted to my skin. I dinnae remember anythin’ about it happening. No’ even before the fighting began.”

I didn’t have to ask what his last memory was. He’d gotten word that I was dead, and everything else had ceased to matter.

“I meant to die that day, a nighean.” His voice shook, but I still understood his words. “Always wondered why I hadn’t.”

I was powerless now to stop the whimper that cut through me as I wrapped my arms tightly around his neck. “I was out there. Looking for you.” I managed to pull myself together enough to explain everything to him — how I’d met Ned Gowan — but didn’t get much further.

“Is Jenny alright, Jamie?”

He smoothed a hand over my hair softly, nodding. “Aye, she’s well. I’ll tell ye everything, Claire, but right now, I...I need to look at ye, I need to see ye.”

I wasn’t sure if I would ever stop crying, but I pulled back so that he could see me fully. I took my own time looking into the face of the man I loved, taken aback by how the decade had changed him. He had more facial hair than he ever had before the war, just a touch or two below a full beard. Gone was the soft roundness of youth he’d still held onto before the draft. Now, he looked older — less like a farm boy, easy to laugh, and more like a hardened soldier with a sharper edge.

I wondered what he saw on my face.

When my eyes met Jamie’s again, I let myself believe, finally, that he was here.

“Claire.”

Apparently, he was convincing himself of the same thing.

“Ye’re real.”

I closed my eyes as two of his trembling fingers grazed my cheek. Then, he reached for my hand, the one with his first initial jaggedly etched into my palm. Slowly, his thumb moved over the scar before he spoke in an unsure, shaking voice. “I want...I would...verra much like to kiss ye.”

When I opened my eyes he was looking directly at me, tears on his lower lash line refusing to fall.

“May I?”

Knowing my own eyes were shining, I smiled so widely my cheeks hurt before nodding, leaning closer. “Yes.”

He leaned forward, pausing to wet his lips. “I havena done this in a verra long time.”

Before I could respond, Jamie’s lips grazed mine, and his hands fell away to drop down against my waist. One of my hands came to rest against his cheek, and I was powerless to stop my tears from falling. I could feel his dropping against my palm, and when I tasted salt on his lips, I couldn’t be sure whose tears they were.

“I saw ye so many times,” he breathed out raggedly once we parted. “Ye came to me so often...when I dreamed, sometimes. When I was in a fever. When I was so afraid and so lonely, I knew I must die.”

My hands paused their movement over his features as he spoke, my heart wrenching painfully in my chest. To know he’d been so ill, and I hadn’t been there — sorrow passed on my face even as he continued, his hand cradling my chin.

“Whenever I needed ye, I would see ye, smiling. Yer hair curled around yer face.”

I began to smile, but it died on my lips when he spoke once more.

“Ye never touched—”

His voice broke, and our foreheads came to rest together as our fingers twined.

“I can touch you now,” I whispered, nuzzling the side of his nose with the tip of my own. “If you give me a thousand words,” I began quietly.

Jamie let out a quiet, tearful laugh. “I’ll give ye a thousand kisses.”

We melted into one another once more, kissing with everything we’d tentatively held back before. My arms wrapped around him, and we kissed until we were breathless, only pulling back to take a few greedy gulps of air.

“Where were you, Jamie?” I finally asked, just as gathering clouds broke and a raindrop landed on the tip of my nose.

“I’ll tell ye,” he promised, patting my hip to stand. “Out of the rain.”

Rising, I reached for his hand and held it steady as he took it and pulled himself up. That swift movement was all he needed to pull me flush against him, kissing me again for all he was worth. The sound I released into his mouth was something between a whimper and a sob, and he responded in kind before finally pulling back as the sprinkling transitioned into a steady pour. Leading me by the hand to his vehicle (another truck, I realized happily), he opened the door and let me in, urging me to scoot across before he slid into the driver’s seat and pulled the door shut behind him.

For a few quiet seconds, we simply watched the rain come down over Lallybroch, the stone of the old home darkening in the damp. When Jamie reached for my hand again, I turned to find him already looking at me, and closed my fingers tightly over his.

“It took months for me to be able to do anythin’ other than lie on my stomach,” he began, and I covered our joined hands with my free one.

“Your back?”

“A ruint mess,” he admitted.

I shook my head and kissed his wrist. “You're alive, Jamie.”

“Only barely. I had an infection that nearly took me, before I was finally well enough to stand the flight to America.”

I blinked in confusion. “America?” Never had I thought to expand my search overseas, and I said so.

“I had nae reason to mention my Aunt Jocasta before. But when Da…” He paused to swallow, squeezing my hand. “Jenny wrote to her when she had nowhere else to go. Jocasta never thought she would see us again once she moved to the States, but our aunt has enough that she could take her in.”

My mind was swimming with new information, and as he spoke, I felt as though I only had more questions. Jamie anticipated them, it seemed, and raised my hand to his lips.

“I couldna find anyone while I was convalescing, so I wrote to everyone I could think of in the family.”

“You found Jenny when your Aunt Jocasta wrote back,” I surmised, closing my eyes and exhaling as events played out in my mind. I couldn’t imagine him weak and vulnerable, unable to move. It contrasted so starkly with how I’d always known him and as I saw him now: strong and solid.

“Aye,” he murmured, gathering me into his arms, unable to stand the foot of space between us. I went easily, pressing my ear firmly against his chest. I could hear his heartbeat, and when he spoke, I could feel the low vibration against my cheek.

“Ian was able to go before me. Was another two weeks or so before I was cleared.”

His voice took on a quieter, more subdued tone, and I tilted my head up to look at him.

My heart felt as though it had broken in my chest, snapped jaggedly in two.

There were tears on Jamie’s cheeks, falling silently as he held me as tightly as he dared. “I’ve no’ ever felt so alone, Sassenach,” he admitted shakily. “My da was gone, then Ian left and you were…” he swallowed and closed his eyes as fresh tears fell.

“Ye were lost to me, Claire.”

The tenuous hold both of us had on our emotions broke then, and as he wept, my own sob escaped ahead of tears. I could feel the way his large hands spanned the width of my back, and in an instant, I knew no one else could have ever made me feel so whole again.

“I kent ye were dead, and that I wanted to be.”

I’d spent so long thinking he was exactly that, and I shook my head in rejection of his words. At the same time, he seemed desperate to find my lips, tugging me away from his chest only to pull me up into a kiss. Our teeth clashed with the urgency of it, his hands helping me move until I was sitting in his lap, able to kiss and touch his face, both of us overcome with emotion. Only when thunder cracked, so loud it seemed to shake the truck, did we reluctantly part.

“Where are ye staying, Sassenach?” he asked me quietly, his nose nuzzling my temple.

“Mrs. Baird’s. Do you know it?”

As soon as I said the name, Jamie gave an owlish blink before exhaling what might have been a laugh under different circumstances. “Truly?”

Confused, I nodded. “I rented a room when I arrived. Why?”

“That’s where I’ve come from. I have a room too, left directly there and came here.”

Now, I matched his awed expression. “We slept under the same roof last night.”

Closing his eyes, Jamie pulled me close again, his forehead pressing to mine. “Perhaps our minds grieved wi’ little to no information to go on,” he suggested, finding one of my hands and tangling our fingers together. “But our hearts were already together again.”

I reached out with my free hand and traced his bottom lip with my thumb. “Take me there, Jamie,” I requested quietly before sliding back into the passenger seat.

There was more to talk about, more to learn about one another and how we’d lived in our time apart.

But it would all have to wait until we caught up with our souls.

#outlander #outlander fic #jamie x claire #strawberry wine #my fic

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youresog0lden · 4 years

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Seven Months II Spencer Reid

Summary: It's been seven long tiring months since Emily was presumed dead. That night changed the way the group worked.

WC: 3k

Warning: Gun Violence, cursing if any, angry reid

masterlist

I kinda mixed Season 7 episode 1 & 2 to make this. I also just wanted to go more into detail on angry Reid since I felt like he wasn’t as showed in this.

It's been seven long tiring months since Emily was presumed dead. That night changed the way the group worked. There wasn't really any pep in peoples steps as they would say. Spence came in everyday with this disappointed look on his face. That our Emily wouldn't be there. For ten weeks he went to JJ's house. We all mourned the lost of our friend. Finding it hard to move on but we did. I always heard talking saying that it must have been the hardest for me since I was the closest to Emily I mean we did share an apartment together. My thoughts we're interrupted by the sound of my phone going off, we all got a call in the morning telling us that it was urgent and to get to the offices as fast as we can.

We all cluster around the table ready for Garcia to speak. She walked in with almost as confused face as we did.

"What's going on." I ask. Not seeing JJ or Hotch there yet. Within seconds they both come striding through the door. Hotch clears hit throat nodding at her.

"Seven months ago, I made a decision that affected this team. As you all know, Emily had lost a lot of blood after her fight with Doyle." he starts. The look on everyone's face was confused.

"But the doctors were able to stabilize her, and she was airlifted from Boston to Bethesda under covert exfiltration. Her identity was strictly need to know. And she stayed there until she was well enough to travel. She was reassigned to Paris, where she was given several identities, none of which we had access to, for her security." he finally spoke.

"She's alive." Garcia said. It took a minute to process what was fully happening in my head until a soft voice spoke.

"But we buried her." Spencer spoke out

"As I said, I take full responsibility for the decision. If anyone has any issues they should be directed toward me." Hotch spoke

"Any issues?" Morgan snapped.

"Yeah I got issues." Right then we heard the sound of clicking all of us turning our head to see the fully alive woman standing in front of us.

"Oh my god." Garcia and I spoke in sink. Emily gives Hotch and JJ a nod Derek looking between the tow of them. Emily came walking around giving all of us a hug. I finally took her in my embrace slightly crying.

"Em." I whispered softly still not believing she real. She let go going over to Spencer hugging him they hug for a second before breathing out.

"I am so sorry. I really am" she said softly. I walk to where Spencer's standing grabbing his hand and squeezing it him doing the same in return.

"Not a day went by that I didn't want to- Really I- You didn't deserve that and I'm so sorry." she said inching her way to Morgan slowly wrapping her hands around him.

"There's so much I want to tell you guys and, I will but right now I really need to know what's going on with Declan." I release my grip from Spence's hand as he talks.

"Emily was there a man living in the house?"

"Yes. My friend Tom Koehler. He was raising Declan as his own."

"Where is he?" JJ asked.

"I never saw him go in or out of the house." Garcia chimed in.

"Uh he was on an assignment overseas."

"But he's alright." I asked.

"Yes he is on his way back now. He got a call from Declan, he called me and when I landed Hotch told me that you had Doyle in custody"

"And, because of Tom's line in work that's why you enrolled Declan in a boarding school." Hotch asked.

"I made sure that he, Louise and I were the only ones able to take him off campus." I started spacing out again before hearing Spencer's voice

"Louise took him home last night because he was sick."

"Food poisoning." Hotch said. I finally started putting everything together letting it work it's way in.

"Yeah a few of the kids had it apparently." Reid said

"So whoever did this got to him on campus." I say.

"They knew they only had once chance." Reid finished

"Current suspect is Richard Gerace. He's the most recent arrival into the states. We've been tracking the city but we came empty." Jennifer said.

"We know it's him because he has the scar." I spoke softly. Spence looked a quick glance at Emily then right at board behind her taking his tongue and raking it over his lips before biting the bottom looking at the board trying to focus.

"That doesn't make sense Gerace gave up on Doyle a long time ago."

"He said you were the only one who knew Gerace." Rossi finally spoke. I look at Morgan who hasn't said a word since Emily walked into the room.

"Which is why I'm pretty sure he doesn't have the balls to pull this off." she said snapping me back to her.

"There was no forced entry at the house?" she asked.

"I had two agents working security." Morgan finally speaks up.

"We think Gerace and his partner pose as the next shift and one of the agents was a woman." Reid says talking with his hands like he usually does. I smile. He's barley even talking ro mw and I already have butterfly. Come on y/n get it together.

"She's the alpha." Prentiss says.

"So we're looking for a woman who's getting back at Doyle." Jennifer asks

"And out suspect list just got a whole lot longer." Everyone start's to walk away Emily Garcia and JJ heading down to the the 'Lair' Morgan went on a walk to clear his head and Hotch and Rossi are talking in Hotch's office. Leaving me and Reid sitting there. He was leaned up against the table and I was just standing there taking in everything. I look up to see Reid just standing there.

"Hey." I said softly putting my hand on his arm. He jumps but realizes it me and just kinda settles.

"How are you doing with this?" I asked.

"I mean my best friend just lied to me for seven months. I went to her house crying. CRYING." he said softly almost if he talked any louder he'd break. I rub his arm softly looking up at him.

"Spence. I know it hard but they probably we're just looking out for us. I'm not saying you don't have a right to be mad because you do trust me you do." I say even softer than him a tear runs down my cheek.

"How come you're not like screaming. Ya'll we're best friends."

"I don't know. Nothing shocks me that much at this point." I say swiftly

"It just hurts."

"I know pretty boy. I know." I said softly wrapping my arms around his torso. He wraps his arms around my neck laying his head on top of mine. I don't know why this whole thing isn't bothering me. She was like a sister to me but, ever since she died I've gotten a lot closer with Reid. I'm not trying to replace her. He was just there. Like if I needed him at two in the morning when I couldn't sleep I'd call him and he'd come over and some how get me to sleep weather he read me to sleep or we cuddled either way or, if it was ten in the morning and I'd been crying he'd come over and we'd laugh and watch movies together.

"Spence I'm sorry." my voice was muffled

"Why?"

"I just fell bad. You were always there for me but I feel like I was never there for you."

"Y/N." he pulled you away sighing his hands still on my shoulders.

"You were there for me even if you don't know it. You were." he says softly planting a kiss on forehead. I felt a blush creep up on my cheeks.

"Okay I have to go. I'll see you when I get back." we finally let go. I smile at him before watching him walk away.

----

Hotch, Morgan, Rossi, Emily, and I were standing there waiting for Spencer and JJ get back.

"Spencer." JJ called out.

"Look we have to talk about this." she said. We tried to see more of him but we couldn't.

"I don't want to talk about it." he sighed

"I get you're disappointed with the way we handled Emily." she continued.

"Listen I've got a lot going on. Alright?" he sighs turning around.

"You know what I think this it is? You're mad that Hotch and I controlled our micro-expressions at the hospital and you weren't able to direct our deception." he scoffs and turns around quickly fire burning in his eyes.

"You think this is about my profiling skills Jennifer listen, the only reason you were able to manage my perceptions is because I trusted you. I came to your house for ten weeks in a row crying over losing a friend and not once did you have the decency to tell me the truth." he spills out.

"I couldn't." she sighed.

"You couldn't or you wouldn't?" he questioned

"No I could't" she sighed in defeat

"What if I started taking dilaudid again would've let me?" he spat

"you didn't." she said

"Yeah but I thought about it." he rolled his eyes backing up. We were just watching not knowing what to say.

"Spence." she calls out. He throws his hands up angrily.

"I'm sorry."

"It's to late alright." he says walking away. I sigh seeing him walk past me.

"Reid." Emily called out to him.

"I'll go talk to him." I say running to catch up with him.

"Spence." I called out. He stops dead in his tracks and turned around. I couldn't stop in time almost falling on him. He let's out a chuckle as I catch myself.

"Are you okay?"

"You asked me this earlier." he laughs.

"I know I just have to make sure. I heard the fight and wanted to check up on you." he scoffs.

"Did she send you out here." he says with bitterness on his tone.

"What? No." I say just as bitterly.

"Then why are you out here." he asks. Maybe because I'm fucking in love with you but you're can't even get out of your own head.

"I wanted to check up on you." I sigh. He laughs then walks away. I stood there dumbfounded.

"Whatever." I mumbled under my breath walking into the offices again.

"What he say?" JJ asked

"He thinks you sent me out there and when I told him you didn't he laughed and walked away."

"Guys." Garcia comes running in.

"There's a private plane getting ready to be flown to Paris."

"Okay everyone load up." right then Spencer comes in. I look at him before walking away and going towards the where we held Doyle. I open the door before stepping in.

"Your ex is working with Lachlan McDermott." I say "How would he leave the country?" I ask "I don't know." he says "He's got endless funds." I say. I look to see the door nob jiggling. Spencer walks in with a straight face. I take a step back. "You'll never stop him." he laughs "And he hates you, doesn't he?" Spencer questioned. "More than you do." I shrug my shoulders. "Then I think we should give him what he really wants." Spencer takes a breath. "You." It takes me a second to realize what he said. You could see the panic in Doyle's eyes. I grab his arm and drag him out.

"What the hell Spencer."

"I ran the probability of Declan's survival, and it wasn't good." he says

"No, we are not letting him get out of here Reid." Emily says

"I will chain myself to him, if I have to." he says with pleading eyes. "He'll find a way to escape." I said

"No he won't." Spencer pleads

"And we're running out of time; if we find McDermott now, we have a chance to save Declan. " he finished. Emily and I sigh looking at each other knowing we weren't going to get our way.

"Fine." was all I said walking away.

---

Here we are speeding into a runway for Airplanes I was driving Emily was beside me, and Doyle and Reid in the back. I stop the car swiftly and turn off the engine. I turn and look at Emily.

"Let's do this." I say. All of us getting out of the car Hotch with microphone in his hand.

"Lachlan McDermott and Chloe Donaghy, this is the FBI."

"We know you have Declan. To ensure his safety, we would like to trade. We will give you lan Doyle, and you send us the boy." Hotch speaks again.

"Bring Doyle here. I want him on his hands a knees." I watch Spence start walking.

"Spence" I say softly before he can get away.

"Please be careful."

"Always." he smiles at me. I walk with him stopping at Hotch. Emily walking with Doyle and Spencer.

"Hotch are we really going to do this." I ask

"No one leaves here." Hotch says.

"Hand him over." McDermott yells. Spencer started walking him over slowly. Just as Chloe came out of the airplane.

"Gun." I yelled loud enough for everyone to here. I pull of my gun as Chloe shot out a shot. I pulled the trugger hitting her knocking her down. Spencer pulls his out hittinf McDermott just before shooting Doyle I run to Spencer.

"Hey you okay?" I ask checking there pulse.

"Dead." I called out.

"I wish you would stop asking me that." he sighed.

"Sorry." I said softly standing up moving to the cars. I get in Spencer coming into the passenger. Emily decided to ride with Declan in the ambulance. The car ride was filled with nothing but silence and not the good happy kind but the awkward kind. I sigh taking the road down to the offices. Feelings his eyes on me I looked at him through my peripheral vision.

"I'm sorry." he finally spoke in a sigh

"It's fine I understand why you're upset you have every right. I just wish you would talk to someone it's not good to keep all of your feelings inside." it comes out a lost softer than I expected. I decide to pull over so we could talk more and I wouldn't have to focus on the road.

"I just. I don't know, I feel if I go to somebody they're going to lie to me and keep things from me." he says barley above a whisper.

"Pretty Boy." I take a deep breath

"I know it's hard. Trust me but you can't keep bottling it up inside. Even if you feel like people are going to keep things from you just know that I would never or Garcia definitely wouldn't. I can promise you. You will always have someone to come to." I smile at him putting my hand on top of him. He looks down at it before looking up at me.

"Y/n."

"Yeah Spence."

"Thank you for being one of the only people who's told me the truth." he smiles softly.

"I will always be here for you. Even when you don't want me to I will and I know it's hard with everything but the we're only trying to protect us. we laugh together. I take a second to look at his as his eyes are closed and his head was thrown back. God he's perfect. At that moment he stopped what he was doing and looked at me.

"What." he breathed. My eye's go wide as I realize what I just said I feel pink start to rise to my cheek.

"Oh my god- I'm- It- I didn't mean to say that out loud." I stuttered. He laughed.

"It's the Agent Y/L/N speechless." he teased. I just blushed even more putting my head in my hands.

"Hey." he gabbed my chin lifting it so we could make eye contact. He licked his lips and biting it slightly I look from his eyes to his lips him copying my movements. He pulls my chin closer to him. His lips lingering over mine.

"God just kiss me already." I say loud enough for him to hear me. He does just that plants his lips on mine. Wow. It was even better than I imagined. I wrap my hands around his neck deeping the kiss. After a few moments we pull away to get oxygen. Biting my lips as we pull away.

"So are you coming to Rossi's for dinner tonight?" I ask him. Our lips practically touch as I move my lips. He doesn't say anything before his lips land on mine once again pulling into a heated kiss. Finally pulling away

"Yes." he smiles pulling me into a kiss one more time.

#mgg #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid smut #spencer reid #spence #matthew gray gubler #mgg smut #mgg fic #mgg fanfiction #criminal minds #criminal minds fandom #criminal minds fanfiction #derek morgan #arron hotchner #jenifer jareau #emily prentiss #garcia

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yayeetsonny · 4 years

Text

Leaving Home~Tobin Heath x Reader

Prompt: Tobin leaving to play at Arsenal

Requested by: @dyingforacause

Welcome aboard the angst train! Please keep your arms, legs and all personal items inside the car at all times. Next stop Angst-Ville. Enjoy!

Tobin PRO//

I have a pretty big dilemma in my life right now and I’m not sure what to do. You see I currently live in the United States and play for the Portland Thorns in the NWSL and the United States Women’s National Team. It’s been great and I’ve passed some of the best milestones of my career playing here in the states. The problem is I was offered a deal to play with Arsenal’s Women’s team in the UK that I couldn’t refuse. It seems simple enough, right? Just move to the United Kingdom for the duration of your contract with them, play a season or maybe two overseas and then come home. I could remain on the National team and I could continue to attend camps (If I am called up) and tournaments or friendlies. Piece of cake.

Except… It’s not. My girlfriend Y/N L/N lives here in the states and she is the most important person to me. Leaving her is not going to be easy and it could be the end of our relationship. The other thing is that I haven’t exactly told her that I’m leaving yet, and I leave in 2 days.

Now I know what you’re thinking “You idiot! How could you not tell her you’re leaving yet? 2 days?!”

I know, I know but I was never able to find the right time to tell her. There isn’t one. I went for a walk to think and I was finally returning to our apartment in Portland. When I opened the door I saw Y/N asleep on the couch, smiling softly I quietly made my way over to her and picked her up. Carrying her to our room, she clung to me like a koala and it was pretty cute. I laid her down as gently as I could, covering her with a blanket I quietly made my way to the kitchen to make dinner. After I finished, I went to wake her so we could eat together and talk about our day. I also decided that I was finally going to tell her I was leaving. I really hope she forgives me.

“Y/N?” I said softly while shaking her awake.

“Wha- Toby?” She asked still half asleep.

“Yeah babe it’s me.”

“Back from your walk already?”

“I was gone for almost 2 hours, love.” I said chuckling

“I’ve been asleep that long?”

“Seems like it babe. Dinner’s ready, you ready to eat?”

“Mhm. Carry me, please?”

“Of course my love, anything for you.”

As I picked her up and carried her to the table I couldn’t help but think of all the little things about her I would miss.I’m going to miss her Y/H/C hair, I’ll miss her Y/E/C eyes, the way her nose twitches like a bunny when she’s going to sneeze, the way she tosses and turns in her sleep, only settling when she finds my hand and intertwines our fingers, her ever contagious laugh and most of all I’ll miss her beautiful smile. I know pictures, video chats and phone calls are a thing but none of them come close to the real thing.

“Here we are. We’re having your favorite. Y/F/D”

“Oh, baby. You’re so sweet. Thank you.” She said, caressing my cheek and giving me a gentle kiss.

“Anything for you.”

“Can we get ice cream for dessert?”

“Of course we can.” If you haven’t broken up with me by then. I thought

We ate comfortably, talking about anything and everything and laughing to our hearts content. We would share sweet kisses here and there and I found myself falling for her all over again. I suddenly didn’t want to go anywhere. Wherever she is, is where I belonged and I didn’t want to break her heart and mine by leaving but I knew I had to. She was just starting to pull me to the car to go get ice cream like I said but I stopped her in her tracks when I blurted everything out.

“I’m leaving!”

“What? What’re you talking about? Leaving where?”

“I’m-I’m leaving you. I’m not breaking up with you!” I said quickly as I saw her eyes fill with tears.

“Then what the hell do you mean by “Leaving me.” Tobin?”

She let go of my hand and shoved me away from her, she was already angry and I hadn’t even told her the whole situation.

“I was offered a deal to play for Arsenal and I took it.” I said quietly

“When do you leave?”

“Saturday.”

“Saturday?! Tobin, that’s 2 days from now!”

“I know, okay?!”

“How long have you known?”

“What?”

“I said, How. Long. Have. You. Known?” Her voice was dangerously low and I knew I had to tell her the truth.

“Since the beginning of December.”

“December?! That was 3 months ago Tobin!”

“I’m aware of that thank you!”

“If you knew for that long, why the fuck didn’t you tell me?”

“I was scared, Y/N! I was scared okay?”

“Scared of what?!”

“Of losing you!”

“Oh my god Tobin! So let me get this straight, you were scared that if you told me about Arsenal that I would break up with you?”

“Yes!”

“Then how is telling me 2 days before you get on a plane and fly a world away from me supposed to make it any better?!”

“I don’t know. Y/N, I’m sorry.”

She was crying now and knowing that I was the reason tore me apart.

“How could you do this to me?”

Her voice was quiet but full of emotion, she refused to look at me.

“Y/N… Please, I’m sorry. I didn’t know what I was supposed to do.” I said, reaching to take her hand but once again she pushed me away.

“Y/N…Please.”

I was trying but failing miserably to hold it together and I knew that if she told me to go I’d respect her wishes but I’d be leaving my heart behind.

“I love you. You are the love of my life but, I don’t think I can forgive you for this.” She said, her voice cracking and lip quivering.

“Y/N, no… please don’t do this.”

“I thought you would be honest with me Tobin. That was one of the promises we made to each other at the beginning of this relationship. You know how important honesty is to me.”

“I know, I’m sorry. I really am and I’ll keep saying that everyday until you forgive me.”

“No. I don’t want some stupid apology! An “I’m sorry.” Can’t fix this!”

“Can we please just talk this out? I’ll do anything. Anything, for you.”

“Stop! Don’t say that!”

“Don’t say what?!”

“That you’ll do “Anything.” For me.”

“But I would. You know that!”

“I thought I did, obviously not.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Promising to do anything for someone you’re in a relationship with, means that sometimes you have to make sacrifices.”

“I’ve made plenty of sacrifices, what are you talking about?!”

I was shocked she was talking about “making sacrifices” if anyone had made any for this relationship, it was me.

“Really?! When was the last time you made one?”

“When I moved into this apartment with you! You know how important my parent’s house was to me but you made me sell it anyways to live with you!”

“Oh, please. Seriously Tobin? Who requested a transfer of teams, spent all of their savings to buy this apartment and moved all the way across the country so we could be together?!”

“I never asked you to do that, and you know it. That was a decision you made.”

“I wanted us to work!”

“We already were!”

“We never saw each other, and we fought constantly. I sacrificed everything I had, for you! For us!”

“Your career has flourished since you got here!”

“That’s irrelevant right now. Just don’t go, simple.”

“I have to. I already agreed that I would.”

“So call them and say you changed your mind.”

“It’s not that simple. This could better my career, don’t you want that for me?”

“Not if it means leaving me behind.”

“What? So everything is about you now?”

“I’ve made you more important than my career, why can’t you do the same for me?”

“I never asked you to!”

“You didn’t have to, you said it with you actions and how you treated me before I moved here.”

“At this moment, I have to put myself first. I have to take this chance. I can’t put you above my career, I’m sorry.” I said standing my ground.

“If you’re planning to marry me, which by the looks of the diamond ring I found, you are, you need to call them and tell them you’re staying here.”

“Wait, what?”

I had hidden a ring in a place I thought she wasn’t going to find it way before I accepted the deal with Arsenal. She knows?

“Yeah Tobin, I found the ring.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Stop saying you’re sorry! What, were you planning on proposing to me and then leaving? Wow, what an engagement gift.”

“No! It’s not like that. I bought the ring before going overseas was even in the picture.”

“Either way, I don’t want anything to do with you Tobin. You broke my trust and my heart.”

“You don’t think my heart is just as broken having to do this?!”

“Not really! If it was, you wouldn’t go.”

“I have to! Why can’t you just let me?”

“I can, but if you do I won’t wait for you.”

“So you’re not even going to try to make this work?”

She turned on her heel and stormed into our room, taking the ring from its hiding spot. She came back and shoved it into my chest, that was enough for me to know that it was over.

“Get out.”

“I’m sor- I’ll go, but I need to come back for my stuff before I leave.” I said, grabbing my jacket and motorcycle helmet.

“I don’t care, just go.” She said.

She wouldn’t even look at me, having moved as far away from me as possible. I opened the door, and in what felt like painfully slow motion I turned to look at her one more time.

“I love you, Y/N L/N. You are the love of my life and always will be.”

I went through the door, closing it softly. Waiting for a moment, I listened, and through the door I heard her heartbreaking sobs, loud and full of anguish. I knew I had hurt her in an irrepairable way by doing this and for all the things I had said but it was too late to take it back. I rested my head on the door wishing, waiting for her to open it and forgive me but I knew it wasn’t going to happen.

“I’m so sorry Y/N.”

I left the apartment complex in a rush, my heart in pieces over the end of our 4 year relationship. I know I had messed up big time but I thought we would be able to work though it and handle the distance, but I guess I was wrong.

When I returned to the apartment 2 days later I was surprised to find my key still worked. When I went inside I noticed that all my stuff was in the living room in a several boxes. It was organized and there was a note sitting on top.

“Tobin,

I got all your stuff together for you so it’d be easier for you to take. I also ordered you a moving truck because I know you forgot. While I still love you and wish you the best at your new club, It was too hard for me to be in the apartment when you came to get your things. You won’t be seeing me again. I’m sorry things between us ended this way. I will always love you, but I hope you find someone new and that you are able to move on from this.”

-Y/N L/N

I crumpled up the note and threw it across the room. All my emotions from the last few days finally spilled out and I collapsed on the floor. I cried until I couldn’t breath, my head was spinning and I felt like I was dying. I laid there for what felt like hours (It was 10 minutes) before I finally gathered the strength to get up and start taking my stuff downstairs. True to her word, there was a moving truck waiting for me outside.

“Uhh… Tobin Heath?” The guy asked

“That’s me.”

After another hour or so I had everything in the truck and was ready to leave. I got on my bike and rode to my friends house and from there I would go to the airport where I would catch my plane to the United Kingdom. I was leaving my bike with a trusted friend of mine, Alex. Getting on that plane was one of the most painful things I had to do, aside from leaving Y/N behind. I knew I could move on like she said but it would take a long time before I was even close to that.

2 years later…

It’s been 2 years since I moved overseas to play for Arsenal and after initially being hesitant and struggling to get in the groove of things, I now found myself at home here. I had made friends quickly, and the team had no problem accepting me as a member of their squad. My best friend Jordan Noobs was my rock, my person. She helped me through my heartache when I first got here and has stuck by me ever since. We got along great and instantly connected, she was a crack up and constantly kept me on my toes. I still traveled to the states sometimes but only for national team duties, nothing else. My national teammates knew what happened with Y/N and some of them were mad at me for it but we’re working on our relationships and doing better. I did still think of Y/N from time to time but I had moved on from the unbearable heartache I had originally felt. I wasn’t dating anyone but I was happy where I was.

“Yo, Jordan! Pass it!” I shouted across the field, our chemistry on the field was unmatched and we almost always played together in games. We were in a scrimmage at training and as per usual we were making all of our passes to each other and helping each other score.

“Tobin! Head it!” She yelled back as she crossed the ball to me and I headed it passed the goalie, Manuela Zinsberger.

“Nice, T! Way to nail em!” She said running over to me and crushing me in a hug.

“Only thanks to you J!”

After we wrapped up training Jordan, some of our other teammates and I all went out to eat. I was so engrossed in our conversation about which was better, Pepsi or Coke that I didn’t know my phone was ringing until Jordan pointed it out.

“Tobin?... You gonna get that?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah. Excuse me just a sec, I’ll be right back.”

I looked at the screen and my heart stopped seeing the name Y/n L/N flash across it for the first time in 2 years. I never found the strength in myself to delete her number. I almost let it go to voicemail, I was standing frozen to my spot by the bathrooms but I snapped out of it at the last second and answered it.

“Hello?... Y/N?”

“Hi Tobin, good to hear you voice again.”

“You’re calling because?…” It came out harsher then intended but I wasn’t open to feeling heartbroken all over again.

“I uhh, I’m in town and was wondering if you wanted to get coffee and chat?” She asked nervously.

“You want to see me?”

“Yeah, I do.”

“Why?”

“I want to try to make amends for what happened between us.”

“I’m the one who left you.”

“Yes but I broke up with you, remember?”

“Okay, and?”

“Look, Tobin will you please just meet me somewhere... please?”

I was silent for a moment, mulling over my options. I was conflicted, I was happy here and I had finally gotten over losing her. But there was a part of me that wanted to see her, I had missed her and wanted to make amends too. So after another moment I finally agreed.

“Where?”

“The coffee shop down the road from the pub in mid-town. Be there at 8?”

“Okay, 8 o’clock. See you.”

“See you then.”

I returned to the table and did my best to conceal the shocked “Just seen a ghost” look I’m sure I was sporting. Jordan tried to ask me what was up but I just said I’d fill her in tomorrow and with that I grabbed my jacket and left to go meet Y/N.

To say I was nervous was an understatement but I wasn’t backing out now. I wasn’t sure what was going to happen when I saw her for the first time in 2 years, I could only hope I wouldn’t be left heartbroken again.

Wow. okay, I listened to some depressing ass songs in order to be able to write that. breaking my own heart in the process, whoops. I hope I did it justice.

Sorry for any mistakes.

-N

#tobin heath #tobin x reader #uswnt #uswnt imagines #uswnt imagine #tobin heath imagine #angst #so much angst #I'm sorry if I make you sad #arsenal #jordan noobs

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lunatens · 4 years

Text

too much to ask

word count: 1.5k

genre: angst :((

pairing: hwang hyunjin x gender neutral reader

requested by anonymous <3

a/n: i don’t write angst often but this is probably the most angsty thing i’ve ever written lolol pls enjoy i hope it makes u sad also if anyone wants a sequel lemme know bc i feel so bad doing best boy hyunjin like this

112520 update: here’s the sequel!

“happy birthday to me,” you sing lowly to yourself as you take another swig of your drink. it’s nearly midnight--meaning your birthday will be over in a mere few minutes--and hyunjin still isn’t home. you haven’t seen him all day, except for when he gave you a quick kiss when he left early in the morning with whispers of “i’ll see you tonight, babe. happy birthday,” as he quietly slipped out the door.

honestly, you had high hopes for today. you’ve generally been understanding of hyunjin’s busy schedule, and while it’s hard for him to be busy or overseas so often you’ve gotten used to it. sure, it meant a lot of holidays or anniversaries or celebrations spent alone, and it always hurts, but you’ve learned to accept hyunjin can’t be with you all the time.

but he promised you he’d be home early from practice today so the two of you could spend the entire evening and night together--a rare occurrence, most times you have to settle on just a video chat or something. so hyunjin promising to spend the evening together was a big deal, and you couldn’t help but get your hopes up. of course you support hyunjin’s career and you always will, but you’d be lying to say you don’t crave a normal relationship where you can actually be with each other.

you had sat there for god knows how long staring out the window, eagerly waiting for hyunjin’s arrival. as the shadows grew long and a dusty haze darkened the sky, your heart sank deeper and deeper while your apartment remained silent. no loud laughter or terrible, over the top renditions of “happy birthday” echoing through the walls; no smell of blown-out candles or taste of sweet frosting on your lips. most importantly, no kisses that taste like sprinkles or soft hugs or hours spent in hyunjin’s arms like you were expecting. you haven’t even heard from your boyfriend since he’s been out, and you find yourself thinking at least a “sorry running late” text would be nice.

all of the day’s increasingly sad events--or lack thereof--are what has led you to your current state: lying sprawled out on the couch in the dark with your drink in one hand and the tv remote in the other as you flick through channels. you notice the slight buzz of alcohol making your head feel a little fuzzy--perhaps you’re balancing the line of tipsy and drunk.

you’re so out of it you barely register the key in the lock or the creak of the door as it swings open. the quietness of how hyunjin removes his coat and shoes tells you he’s trying to avoid you noticing him right away--he’s being cautious, you know he’s unsure of how to handle this situation. you glance at the clock and aren’t sure whether to laugh or cry; it’s 12:01--he’s missed your birthday by a single minute.

you opt for ignoring hyunjin, wanting to see how he treats the situation. honestly, your thoughts are too cloudy to even try and piece words together, so silence seems like the best option for now. you remain your channel surfing, eventually settling on an animal documentary. on-screen, you watch as a herd of elephants traverse a large expanse of desert. the room is silent, besides the quiet narration of the elephants’ journey, but you know hyunjin’s still there.

after what seems like an eternity, you pick up on the tentative shuffling footsteps that make their way to the couch. you feel arms snake their way around you from behind, but you don’t reciprocate.

“i’m so sorry, y/n” he mumbles, climbing over the couch to sit beside you. he studies your face, but you continue staring at the tv ahead. a baby elephant is now approaching a mud hole in search of water. you try to focus on the elephants and not how upset you are at how your rare chance at having a fun night together was taken away from you. you’re trying not to think about how you’re always so patient with hyunjin, and you put up with so, so much, and the one day that’s meant to celebrate you has been ruined. was it too much to ask for just one day--scratch that, a mere evening together? apparently it was, you think to yourself, and you try to remain stoic but you can’t stop the teardrops from silently trickling down your cheek. the elephant on-screen slips and falls into the mudhole, trumpeting feebly as it struggles to climb out.

“y/n, i’m so sorry.”hyunjin says again, this time pulling your body close to his so he can hold you tightly and stroke your hair gently like he always does to soothe you. this action makes it worse; now you feel like you shouldn’t be mad at him, it’s probably not his fault. but you still are mad, and you can’t seem to redirect this anger. you still remain limp, not responding at all to hyunjin’s attempts at reconciliation. the alcohol clouding your thoughts does nothing to help the situation, and you find you’re having trouble processing the whirlwind of emotions running through you.

“i just--i tried to leave after practice, which already was running late,but seungmin was struggling with a part of the choreo so i-”

“you promised.” you cut him off, voice quiet but stern--almost stern, actually, as your voice waivers a bit at the end. hyunjin shuts up, taking the cue not to make any excuses. he quietly waits for your response, and you can feel his heart beating loud in his chest. you know he’s feeling immense guilt right now and is doing his best to not set off any land mines, and you almost feel bad for him for a moment, but the pang in your chest when you finally look at him with tear-stained cheeks reminds you how hurt you are.

“you promised, hyunjin. you promised we’d have this one evening together, and i was dumb enough to actually get excited to be able to spend time with my boyfriend for once but now i realize that was so stupid of me, how could i be so stupid hyunjin?? this should’ve been like every other holiday or celebration where i sit alone wishing you were here and you’re out with your friends having fun and touring the world, i always miss you when that happens and it sucks but at least it doesn’t hurt as bad as this does,” the words start spilling from your mouth, and you’re not sure how much hyunjin can even understand from your mildly slurred speech, but you’re sure he’s got the gist of it.

“y/n, i--”

“i wish i never met you.” you mutter, half to yourself. your voice is barely audible at all, in fact you wouldn’t even be sure you said it if it wasn’t for the way hyunjin’s face fell. you watch how the colour drains from his face and he stares at you with wide eyes and speechless lips, you can see the heartbreak written across his face. hyunjin responds softly, trying his best to keep his composure.

“y-you don’t mean that,” he says with uncertainty, now avoiding eye contact. you merely glare at him in response, you want to tell him you didn’t mean it and you take it all back but you know that’s not entirely true. as much as you love hyunjin so, so much, this loneliness and heartbreak is just so hard sometimes, and it makes you question whether this relationship is worth it. sometimes you just think it would be so much easier if you’d never met hyunjin, you wouldn’t know this kind of pain.

hyunjin’s breath hitches at your silence, and he runs his fingers through his hair--a constant habit of his. without looking back up at you, he speaks once again, voice low.

“okay, well uh, i-i think i’m going to head to bed then. i lov--happy birthday, y/n.” he mutters, and with those words, he slowly makes his way to your shared bedroom. in your peripheral vision, you catch him turn to look at you when he reaches the doorway, but you continue staring blankly at the tv. it’s not long before his slender figure disappears from sight and you hear the door quietly click behind him.

on the tv screen, you notice the elephant has fallen into the mud pit and is struggling to climb free. the herd in the distance doesn’t seem to notice this struggle, and the elephant sinks deeper into the mud each time it tries to escape. you check your phone to see the time and your wallpaper photo of you and hyunjin together is enough to open the flood gates. silent tears stream down your face as you lie alone on the couch, pulling the blanket tight to you and trying not to think about how falling asleep without hyunjin beside you (yet knowing he’s in the room next to you) just feels so wrong. it’s safe to say this has been the worst birthday ever, you think to yourself as your drunkenness finally lulls you to sleep.

#skz #stray kids #stray kids scenarios #stray kids oneshot #stray kids drabble #hyunjin x reader #hwang hyunjin #hyunjin x you #hyunjin scenarios #hyunjin oneshot #stray kids fanfiction #hyunjin fanfiction #angst #kpop fanfiction #kpop scenarios #kpop imagines #too much to ask #birthday #requested

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fromzerotoeuphoria · 4 years

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my feelings on rinharu & makoharu

So as I said in my last post, I wanted to make a separate post adding my own commentary on this response thread made by @melancholycheer @chensim and @thenakedbloger to an anon who had bashed melancholycheer for shipping RinHaru. They end up saying (almost) exactly how I feel about both RinHaru and MakoHaru, and I was just applauding them along as I was reading their post!

Their reasons for not shipping MakoHaru are pretty much mine as well, and their viewpoint on how both friendships are valid are the same as mine, too. Yes, OP hates MakoHaru as a ship, but OP also respects and cares for ALL three characters, and they also respect how others may have a different ship than they do, and that’s pretty much how I view it, too (even if the ship doesn’t make sense to me) (as long as people are respectful back).

I wanted to share this convo because so many of the points made are exactly how I feel, from why RinHaru is such a dynamic ship to how I only can see MakoHaru as best friends/brothers. The things said are just 💯.

MakoHaru isn’t canon. Neither is RinHaru. Fighting about it, or acting like your ship is superior, is not only rude, but also pointless.

EXACTLY. Neither ship is canon romantically. You know what is canon? The special friendship Haru has with his best friend Makoto and the uniquely special friendship Haru has with Rin. Does he love and care for both of his friends? YES HE FREAKIN DOES.

The directors and writers purposefully give service to each pairing to attract and keep viewers and customers.

Hate to tell ya, but MakoHaru isn’t canon and it never will be. They’ve already invested too much into both ships; if they set one in stone they’d lose a lot of fans. They won’t do that.

People need to think—there's no way the creators are going to have an entire show based on the relationship between two characters who are driven by each other and are specially connected to one another, then boldly push fan service between them just to suddenly cut off a huge portion of their fandom by officially, "canonly" pairing one side of that relationship (Haru) with a totally different character (Makoto). Same goes for the fanservice they've been pushing between the Main Character (Haru) and his best friend (Makoto)—they wouldn't do the reverse (RinHaru) and cut off the other huge portion of the fandom like that, either (at least, not while the show is still has future seasons and is profitable).

Though I believe RinHaru is the closest Haru-ship to canon, KyoAni hasn’t made any romantic ship canon yet, and as this isn’t a BL anime, I doubt they ever will.

I don’t like MakoHaru. I have tried, tbh. I’ve read essays supporting makoharu and gone into the tag and looked at fanart and it all felt so weird. I can’t see them as more than friends. They have such a precious, special friendship and making them into anything more just cheapens it for me personally. It just feels…gross. i don’t mean that in an offensive way; i just can’t ship it… I can’t see them as more than friends. I just can’t.

...but honestly just watching the series, Makoto and Haru were just friends, in my opinion. Yeah, they got fan service, but even that seemed like just what it was: fan service. It seemed out of place to me. And more than that, even the fan service didn’t convince me that there was something between them. I’m not saying there’s not; don’t get mad lol, I’m just saying that for me personally I don’t see anything.

Literally exactly how I feel about Makoto and Haru's friendship. Yes, FRIENDSHIP. Makoto cares so much about Haru in a deeply loving way—it's obvious to everyone just how much Haru means to Makoto. And those who know Haru enough can also tell that Makoto means so much to Haru (S02E11 alone is proof). Makoto is such a sweet, soft-hearted, caring guy and the friendship between him and Haru is truly something special.

But okay, in all honestly and as much as Makoto is my big-lil squish, MakoHaru seems just a bit...unbalanced, like Makoto is more concerned for Haru than Haru is concerned for him. Not that Haru doesn't care deeply for Makoto because he does—it just seems like Makoto cares more because he's very demonstrative about it while Haru's personality doesn't show his emotions or feelings often. I'm very fair with that; it doesn't mean that their friendship is in any way one-sided. They just have different personalities. But in all honestly it rather comes across like Makoto has a one-sided crush on Haru (while Haru has a reciprocated crush on Rin)—that’s where the “imbalance” comes in.

That’s a huge reason why I just don't see their relationship as anything other than a close friendship (with Makoto more than likely having a crush on Haru...OR his super caring Type 2 personality could misconstrue his rock-solid love and support for his friend as a crush. That’s very possible, too). Like honestly, there’s nothing remotely passionate about their friendship with one another, nothing that would suggest they both have deeper feelings than brotherhood for one another (again, Makoto does suggest this because boy cares so strongly, ngl it be borderline smothering—but then again he does just have a soft boi personality—but Haru definitely doesn’t suggest this, not with Makoto. With Rin, however...👀).

I mean, even Will and Jem from The Infernal Devices had a more emo-dynamic-passionate brotherhood/friendship than Makoto and Haru do, and Will and Jem were in love with the same girl, not with each other. So people trying to convince others that MakoHaru is a legitimate, canon romantic OTP endgame are just...I just cannot fathom that realistically happening.

RinHaru, on the other hand, has so much passion and rawness and depth. [...] And I know some people feel that way about MakoHaru, and that’s fine, but personally, Makoto and Haruka are just best friends, but when it comes to Rin and Haru’s relationship, there’s something more urgent and pressing and desperate.

THIS! Omg thisssss x10000. URGENT. PRESSING. DESPERATE. You feel this from not only Rin, but from Haru as well. This is HUGE: here you have a kid who’s disinterested in almost everything aside from swimming, a kid who rarely expresses his emotions and runs away from things he finds “troublesome.” He relies on Makoto to handle things for him when he doesn’t feel like bothering, and at the beginning of the anime, he couldn’t wait for time to hurry up and pass so he could become “ordinary.” And I hate to point this out, but that was Haru with Makoto in his life (again, no hate towards Makoto, it doesn’t say anything about Makoto as a character, just about Haru’s feelings towards Makoto). Yet when Rin enters into Haru’s life, the apathetic, rarely-expresses-emotions kid becomes urgent, pressing, desperate to have Rin back into his life no matter how little it is.

(this got longer than I anticipated—I could talk about Haru x Rin ‘til the stars died out, for real—so I’ll put the rest under a cut)

“Well, of course you’d say that, you bias Rin!!” you may say. But see, here's the thing: I wasn't even a big fan of Rin when I was first watching the series (except for shota!Rin because I fell in love with him instantly lol). High school-Rin annoyed me with how unnecessarily rude he was to Haru and the others, and I was Team Iwatobi for a good part of Season 1. If anything, I wanted to see Rin get all emotional about and care for the other guys. I wanted to see this red-haired jerk show emotions I knew he had deep down for my guys. But then, the more I saw the dynamics between Rina and Haru play out, the more the rawness between them and that fire when they interacted with each other drew me in. I came to care about Rin the more Haru was confronted with the feelings he had towards Rin. And when Haru bolted to find Rin after Rin failed his race in S01E12, that desperation emanating from Haru—and this is HARU we're talking about, the guy who rarely shows any emotion—made me just as desperate as Haru was for him to find Rin, to make sure Rin was okay.

The dynamic between Rin and Haru is just something totally different. It's just as one of the OPs said: urgent and pressing and desperate.

Another thing about Rin is that he was barely even in Haru's life and yet he left SUCH a huge impact on it. Rin probably spent half a semester of elementary school with Haru and the boys, yet in those few months he managed to touch something so deep in Haru that our independent, aloof and inexpressive Haru...

1) started running home from swim practice because Rin did

2) went against his own policy of only swimming free because Rin got him to

3) became so saddened that Rin moved overseas that everyone around him noticed (and it was one of the first things Kisumi mentioned when he ran into Haru in high school after all those years)

4) would fall apart when swimming freestyle in a team relay because Rin wasn't part of the team,

5) had Rin always lingering in his mind all throughout middle school,

6) said that he wanted "to swim like you too, Rin" after reading Rin's letter from Australia,

7) quit competitive swimming altogether because he thought he had hurt Rin by winning the race against him that one winter break,

8) was so rattled when Rin said that he never was going to swim with him again after Rin beat him in the freestyle race at one of the tournaments that he went into a trance-like state,

9) basically collapsed after hearing Rin say that he was quitting swimming,

10) was actually on the verge of CRYING after hearing Rin say that because Haru was heartbroken at the thought that he wouldn't ever swim with Rin again

11) said that all he wanted to do was to swim with Rin when Rei asked him what he wanted

and lots more. AND THAT WAS ALL BECAUSE OF A BOY WHO WAS IN HIS LIFE FOR LIKE THREE MONTHS MAX IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL.

There's no way anyone can tell me RinHaru isn't a powerful, uniquely special relationship that legitimately dances in the realm of the non-platonic. No other relationship in Free! compares to the dynamic of their friendship, to the complexity of their relationship.† They're not the closest friends—Makoto is Haru's best friend and Sousuke is Rin's—but they need each other. Are driven by each other. Are lowkey consumed by one another.

If you read my initial reaction to watching Free!, you’ll know that I knew nothing of this anime before going into it. I also actually thought I wouldn’t fall for the characters (I was too hung up on my Haikyuu!! babies), nor would even really be into it. I went into this whole thing so unbiased and knowing absolutely nothing of the anime or the characters or the ships or that there was even a fandom. I knew NOTHING, so everything I experienced was on my own and for myself. I didn't care for Rin in the beginning, but Haru's complex relationship with Rin sucked me in and was the very reason why I even binged the last 9 episodes in one night; I was so enthralled by RinHaru, and I didn't even realize it until ep12 when Haru ran after Rin like that. There's just something so special and intense about the relationship between RinHaru that it will forever be my ult OTP in the Free! universe.

I actually read a comment on a forum that touched on how Rin was in Haru's life for a fleeting moment yet left such a huge and deep mark in his life and psyche, and I was so happy someone else noticed that. I saved it somewhere, and I'll paste it below because it too sums up so well my thoughts on the dynamic relationship that is RinHaru:

RinHaru 100%...They have such a deep and real chemistry I don't even know where to begin. I could talk for hours about them, but lets keep this short and sweet. Haruka and Rin met in the last year of elementary school (roughly 12) for only (about) the last 3 months of the school year. In those 3 months they managed to create a bond so strong that Haruka never forgot about the red-haired shark-toothed boy in all the years to pass. Rin had such a strong pull on Haruka that when they met in middle school and raced against each other, Haruka quit swimming competitively just because he thought he hurt Rin. Now in high school, Haruka still wants to remember the sight Rin had showed him, and still cares about him just as deeply as his other friends. With Rin he had only been with him for a mere 3 months and managed to create such a deep bond with him, whereas with Makoto he was with him for basically his whole life. While I am in no way discrediting MH, Rinharu managed to create still as strong a bond as they did in such a short period of time. The way they admire each other and strive to be better because of each other just... // too perfect to describe. It's a beautiful dynamic, not abusive in any way as some haters call them. Their relationship focuses on growth, passion, and inspiration, always being able to light a fire in each other, always the person to spur them on and make them go just a little farther. A truly spectacular dynamic, Rinharu will always be my second favorite ship.

Modified by Baki-san, Feb 28, 2018 11:23 AM

With that being said, I honestly don’t care who you ship. Yeah, there are ships I utterly hate (*cough* Rintori *cough*), but in the end the beauty of shipping is that anyone can ship anyone. What frustrates me and pisses me off is when RinHaru—the Haru ship that’s closest to canon because their feelings for each other are actually reciprocated—is not only attempted to be discredited, but Rin is accused of all sorts of heinous things (like being abusive) just so people can fluff up their own ship. But that’s a different post; for now, this is why I ship RinHaru and they’ll forever be my Free! OTP <3

† this post was written for my original blog on July 27, 2020 before I’d watched Season 3. So, pre-drama-with-Ikuya and Hiyori’s-obsession-with-Ikuya. Those are some pretty complex relationships, too

#why i ship rinharu #i can talk about my otp for forever #would this be considered meta?#free! meta #rinharu #harurin #rin matsuoka #haruka nanase #why my otp #otp #anti makoharu #i love makoto but not shipped with Haru #free! iwatobi swim club #sharkbait

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moojiji · 4 years

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PART 2 // Cho Seungyoun aka Woodz

I wake up to stop my alarm from ringing and of course will start my day with my daily routine which is morning jog. Trying my best to leave the bed slowly especially trying to let myself free from Seungyoun’s hug but i fail, of course.

“Where are you going?this early.....?” ask Seungyoun with his morning sleepy voice.

“I’m going for morning jog,dude. I’ll be back in an hour. You need more sleep. Bye” i kiss his lip before tug him back to sleep and he goes back to sleep. Damn easy.

I’m getting ready for my jog after freshen up. Usually I’ll jog at the han river park but today I’ll just jog around my neighbourhood instead. When i reach home after 1 hour, Seungyoun still sleeping and i let him be. I wonder when the last time he had a good sleep.

So i go take shower and after that start to prepare breakfast for both of us. Just simple korean breakfast, rice, beef, seaweed, egg roll and coffee of course. I’m done with all the food and I’m currently brewing the coffee when Seungyoun comes into the kitchen

“Morning!”

“Good morning~ how’s your sleep?”

“Good. I think that’s the best sleep ever since I don’t know when the last time i had good sleep”

“I thought so. Come sit. I already prepare breakfast for you and of course your morning coffee”

“I miss your food” says Seungyoun while clapping his hand like a kid.

“Then go ahead eat” i smile look at him. Sometimes he’s like my younger brother the way he act.

“Oh yeah mom is asking to come have lunch with her today” says Seungyoun while munching his food.

“Where?” I sigh.

“Restaurant...?i think....I haven’t ask her yet”

“I’ll pass if it’s outside” I continue to eat my breakfast even i lost apetite.

“Babe~”

“Youn...you know that we’re not officially dating in public yet..”

Yup. We’re dating in secret. Not really, our friends and family knows it but fans? Nope. Not only because of Seungyoun’s idol life but because of mine too. I’m a producer and also a singer-songwriter, choreographer and model too and i work with a lot of artist especially idols.

How we started dating? We were friends. Basically we knew each other since high school when he moved back from oversea. We were classmate but I don’t really talk to him because i left the school after 1 week he transferred but I’m close with Jamie and Yugyeom. So that’s how i knew more about Seungyoun after Jamie and Yugyeom introduced him to me.

We started hang out as friend and all and continue to become close friend because of we’re working in the same industry until early of this year he started to confessed to me that he sees me more than as a close friend. Even when we started to befriend with each other, people around us keep saying that we look together and how we treat each other like partner because both of us kinda clingy kind of type.

We all know the pros and cons if we start to date each other but still dumb me accepted his confession without thinking properly. It’s not like i regret it, it just I’m worried about him. Seungyoun he had been through a lot and I don’t want him to go through the same situation again. More worse if it’s because of our relationship.

“Can you just once think about us?” says Seungyoun.

“What do you mean....you thought all this time i never think about us?! dude...” I put down my utensils on the table.

“No no i mean that, when it comes situation like this, we go out with each other in the public. Don’t care about your surrounding, just think of us...”

“Ah you think it’s easy when you have a group of fans following you around...Seungyoun please. I bet they even know you are here too” i stand up from my sit.

“Wait y/n” Seungyoun grab my hand to stop me.

I look at him with tears nearly falling from my eyes, he’s shock to see me crying. He wipes my tears with his thumbs and pull me into hug.

“I’m sorry. I know....I shouldn’t brought this topic up...I’m sorry okay. I’ll talk to mom about this”

“I love you, youn. I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want to leave you. I don’t want to ruin our friendship. This is why i.....can’t do this....” I look up to his eyes.

“Wait wait hold on. Don’t continue your words. Nope. We’re not gonna break up. No. Please babe” Seungyoun hugging me tightly, don’t want to let me go.

“What’s going on here......you both okay,dear?” suddenly we heard Seungyoun’s mom voice behind us.

“Mom....how....what are you doing here?” Seungyoun turn around to his mom but his arms still not leaving me.

I just bow down to his mom, still crying.

“Oh my god my dear y/n what happen? Why are you crying? You too Seungyoun-ah what happen?” His mom coming closer to us and cupped our faces with her hands.

“Nothing....” I quickly answers but

“We had an.....argument about our relationship,mom” says Seungyoun. I look at him and scold him with my eyes.

“Again? What’s the reason this time?” asks Mom.

“Idk....still the same reason...i guess” Seungyoun awkwardly rub his neck.

“Is it because of the lunch date? Haihh look y/n. I don’t want you to be paranoid of people. If I don’t approve your relationship with Seungyoun, I won’t ask you to go out to eat lunch with me but here i am. I’m proudly to let people know, who stole my son’s heart. I know you’re worried about his and your career and also the fans but you both are human being and you guys deserve to be in-love. As a fans, they should accept the fact their idol have hearts to and can fall in love too. I trust Seungyoun with all my heart when he told me that he wanted to ask you out. This boy knows what he’s doing in his life. You don’t have to be worry about it, okay dear?” Auntie holding my two hands, comforting me. Dumb me still crying and just nodding my head without say anything and hugs her.

“There there, i know you guys will argue about this. That’s why i came here with the help of your manager” says Auntie.

“It’s okay, Auntie. Thank you”

“It’s nothing darling. Anything for my son, for you too. Okayy I’ll get going first and I’ll meet you guys later, okay?”

“Yes mom. Thank you” Seungyoun kiss and hugs his mom while mutter love you to her.

“See you guys later. Don’t be late”

After auntie left, i straight away go to Seungyoun and hug him from behind. He pats my hands on his waist, turn his head to look at me behind me and he chuckle a bit

“We’re so dramatic. Am i right?” Seungyoun laughs.

“We are. I agree” letting him go while Seungyoun still holding my hands, turning himself around to face me. Look at me straight into my eyes and slowly lean in to kiss me on the lips.

“Promise me one thing. Whatever happens, we will be there for each other,promise?”

“Promise” i do the pinky promise with him and he return a peck on the lips and smile.

#cho seungyoun #seungyoun imagine #woodz #woodz imagine #Seungyoun scenario #luizy #uniq #x1 #Seungyoun #chowoodz

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wosoimagines · 5 years

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Mercy - Tobin Heath/Reader

Guys, this is quite a long one. Also, I haven’t proofread it, so I’m sorry about any mistakes.

song prompt: Mercy by Shawn Mendes

warnings: None

words: 2706

(Y/N) POV

I'd drive through the night

Just to be near you, baby

Heart open, testify

Tell me that I’m not crazy

I sighed as I knocked on the door. I wasn’t entirely sure what to expect. Sonnett had called me last night saying that Tobin had come home with tears in her eyes and wouldn’t come out of her room. I wasn’t entirely sure why Sonnett had called me out of all people, especially since Christen was supposed to be in Portland with Tobin, but I was sure that it had to do with the fact that I had a crush on Tobin.

I had immediately grabbed my travel bag that I kept clothes in for our trips. It only took me minutes before I got into my car and started the 12-hour drive to Portland. Now I was standing in front of the older midfielder’s door. The door opened, and I was disappointed by who answered.

“I didn’t think you’d be here this fast,” Sonnett said.

“You told me it was important,” I pointed out. Sonnett let me into the apartment and I hesitated as I looked to where Tobin’s room was.

“Go,” Sonnett pushed me toward the door.

I sighed but I slowly walked over to the door. I wasn’t entirely sure what to expect when I got to the door. I knocked on the door. I couldn’t hear any movement from the room, so I knocked again.

“Go away,” Tobin rasped out. My heart broke at how rough her voice sounded. I could tell that she had been crying.

“Tobs?” I asked. I could hear a little movement. “Tobin, can you open the door?”

The door opened quickly and I was surprised when Tobin threw herself at me. I stumbled back a little as I caught the midfielder. I held her just outside of her room as Tobin buried her head into my shoulder. I just stood there for a few minutes before I carried Tobin back into her room.

“What happened, Tobin?”

I shouldn’t have asked that just yet. The midfielder immediately burst into tears. Tobin tried to pull away from me, but I wouldn’t let her as I held onto her. I didn’t care right now if Tobin told me why she was upset or not. I only cared about comforting her.

I was content with staying and allowing Tobin to cry for as long as she needed. My main concern was with making sure that she was ok. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I left Tobin alone right now. It was a while before Tobin’s tears stopped.

“She said she couldn’t,” Tobin finally said. I furrowed my brow in confusion because I wasn’t sure what she was talking about. “Christen, she said she couldn't marry me.”

I softly groaned because while I had been completely in love with Tobin, Tobin had been in love with Christen. I knew that Tobin and Christen were dating, I would have been stupid if I didn’t. They didn’t exactly keep it a secret around their respective teams or the national team. Although, I had tried to move on from Tobin, I just couldn’t.

“I don’t even know where we’re at now,” Tobin admitted as she pulled me closer to her. “Christen just said that she couldn’t marry me and she left.”

“Oh, Tobs.”

“Stay with me?”

“Of course.”

“You won’t leave me?”

“I’d never leave you, Tobin.”

I'm not asking for a lot

Just that you're honest with me

My pride is all I got

I'm saying baby

We spent most of the day in Tobin’s room. I talked with Tobin and tried to keep her mind off of Christen. It was hard to not just tell Tobin how I really felt. I was just holding Tobin as we laid on her bed. I couldn’t help but smile as Tobin drew patterns onto my stomach.

“Why did you come?” Tobin asked me.

“Sonnett called me,” I shrugged. It didn’t seem like a big deal to me. “She said you needed help.”

“You came to Portland just for me?”

“I’d always come for you,” I admitted. I would always be there for Tobin.

“Why’d you come for me though?” Tobin asked. She wasn’t making it easy for me to not tell her how I really felt. “Please don’t lie to me, (Y/N).”

“Cause I love you.”

Tobin’s drawings stopped and I held my breathe. We laid in silence for a few moments. I wasn’t sure how Tobin really felt. Tobin turned to look at me as I stayed still.

When Tobin’s lips crashed on mine, I was surprised. I started to kiss her back before pulling away. Tobin looked confused on why I pulled away from her. If she was going to kiss me, this wasn’t when I wanted it to happen.

“I thought you loved me,” Tobin whispered. The confusion in her voice confused me.

“I do, Tobin,” I assured. I held her face. “Trust me, I love you. But you’re hurting and it’s easy for you to look to me to comfort you. I need you to be honest with me. Do you love me?”

Tobin went silent. I wasn’t sure what she was thinking about, but it didn’t help ease my thoughts. I didn’t want Tobin to only be with me because it was easier for her.

“I do,” Tobin said. “I’ve been so caught up with Christen that I never realized that I love you.”

I smiled at her as I pulled her closer to me. I just wanted to go to sleep with Tobin. We could figure the rest out in the morning.

Please have mercy on me

Take it easy on my heart

Even though you don't mean to hurt me

You keep tearing me apart

I looked through the fridge and the cabinets as I searched for stuff to make breakfast with. I couldn’t find much so I glanced near the door. My bag was still over there from yesterday when I got in. I looked through Tobin’s doorway to see that she was still asleep.

I walked over to my bag before taking it to the bathroom with me. I got changed and ready to go out. I knew that Tobin would probably still be asleep when I got back, but I had groceries to go get. I wanted to do something nice for Tobin.

My trip to the grocery store hadn’t taken long. Maybe 30 minutes at the most. I had gotten enough to make healthy breakfast not only for Tobin and I, but for Sonnett and Lindsey as well. Once I had gotten back to Tobin’s apartment, I let myself in and I was surprised that Sonnett and Lindsey were waiting near the door.

“Where have you been?” Lindsey hissed as I closed the door behind me.

“I got groceries for you idiots. You were out of a lot of stuff,” I shrugged as I held up the bags. I reached into one of the bags and pulled out the bread I had gotten from the store. “I got stuff to make French Toast.”

“Wait, (Y/N),” Sonnett grabbed at my arm as I headed into the kitchen.

I stopped in my tracks and the bread dropped from my hands and on the ground. Tobin was standing in the kitchen. With Christen. I scrambled to pick up the bread as the two looked at me. I ducked my head as I felt my face heat up.

“Sorry,” I stuttered out. I rushed to set the groceries on the counter top.

“I didn't realize you were here, (Y/N),” Christen said. I didn’t expect her to know that I was here. Not when I knew that I had come out to comfort Tobin because Christen didn’t say yes to Tobin’s proposal.

“Sonnett asked me to come,” I lied as I avoided Tobin’s gaze. “Some party she wanted me to go to. I’ll leave you guys alone.”

“(Y/N)-” Tobin started.

“Don’t worry about it, Tobin,” I shrugged off. Christen looked confused and I couldn’t help but notice how happy Tobin looked around Christen. I just wanted the games with Tobin to stop. “I can make breakfast later.”

I turned and rushed out of the kitchen. Lindsey and Sonnett both looked worried when I looked up at them. I pushed past them and rushed out of the apartment. I was quick to get out to my car, but I could only lean against it before I started to cry.

I didn’t blame Tobin. I knew that she loved Christen more than she loved me. There was nothing else I could do to change that if she didn’t want to love me like I loved her. I felt a pair of arms wrap around me, but I pushed the person away.

“(Y/N), come on,” Sonnett said. I wiped at my tears as I turned to look at her and Lindsey.

“Why did you call me?” I asked the defender. “Seriously, Emily.”

“You love Tobin,” Sonnett said.

“And she doesn’t love me back,” I pointed out. “Not the way I love her.”

Would you please have mercy on me

I'm a puppet on your string

And even though you got good intentions

I need you to set me free

I sighed as the knocking didn’t stop. I was hoping that whoever was here would just leave me alone if I didn’t answer my door, but that wasn’t happening. I stopped packing the box as I walked over to the door. I had called my agent the day after Tobin Heath broke my heart into a million pieces and told him that I wanted to transfer to a different league.

I was set to go to Barcelona. The transfer hadn’t been made official just yet, but there really wasn’t a reason as to why I wouldn’t go. I could only think of one reason why I wouldn’t go to Barcelona. It was the same thing that broke my heart.

I opened my door and froze when I saw who was on the other side. I hadn’t really talked much with the midfielder. Not like we used. Tobin looked up at me and she gave me a smile. I couldn’t help but melt at the smile.

“Tobin, hey,” I said. I moved back as I opened the door more so that Tobin could come in.

Tobin slowly walked in and she was looking around at the boxes that were in my apartment. I had been packing my apartment up for days now. I also hadn’t really told anyone else besides Kelley and Becky. Tobin stopped at an opened box that I had left alone, but hadn’t finished packing. Tobin reached into it and pulled out a picture.

“You’re really leaving, aren’t you?” Tobin asked as she kept her attention on the picture. I knew which one it was by the frame. It was an old picture of Tobin and I from when we were in college together.

“You make it sound like I’m not coming back,” I pointed out.

“You won’t be playing against me anymore,” Tobin countered. I shrugged because I wasn’t sure what she wanted from me anymore.

“I might come back, you never know,” I shrugged. I knew that I was more likely to stay overseas for most of the rest of my career. Now was the best time for me to be overseas to play anyways. I did allow me time to come back to the NWSL and end my career in the USA.

“Any chance you don’t go?” Tobin asked.

“Only one, but I wouldn’t bet on it happening,” I admitted. Tobin looked over at me. I didn’t think she had even thought that there would be a way to get me to stay.

“You should stay, (Y/N),” Tobin said.

I shook my head. This was what I had wanted to avoid and why I hadn’t told anyone outside of Kelley and Becky. I had also requested that the two clubs didn’t announce anything until my flight for Barcelona was taking off.

“I want you to stay,” Tobin added on after a moment of silence.

“You don’t get it, do you?” I asked Tobin. She only looked confused as I took the picture from her hands and put it up. “I’m leaving because of you and Christen. I can’t stand to be around either of you because you don’t love me.”

Tobin grabbed a hold of my face and held it close to her’s. I searched her eyes for anything to tell me that I was wrong. I couldn’t find much. I couldn’t even find the same type of love that I had for her in her eyes.

“I love you, (Y/N),” Tobin softly said. I was just shaking my head because I knew it wasn’t true anymore. “Please, don’t go.”

“I need to!” I snapped as I pushed Tobin’s hands away from me. I took a step back and Tobin looked surprised. I wasn’t normally one to raise my voice. “Either let me go so I can move on, or prove to me that you love me like I love you.”

Tobin didn’t make a move. She didn’t move toward me, nor did she move to leave. I sighed as I rubbed my hands over my face before looking at her.

“I’ll stay, if you look me in the eyes and tell me, honestly, that you love me just as much as I love you,” I said.

Tobin just stood there. I wasn’t surprised by her reaction. I hadn’t expected her to do anything. I was leaving for Barcelona, I didn’t care what anyone else said. The one person that I wanted to really ask me to stay because she loved me, couldn’t ask me for the reason I wanted her to.

“Please, just leave,” I begged Tobin. I couldn’t stand to be around her because that would only make me want to stay in the USA. Tobin didn’t move at first. “Tobin, get out!”

Tobin jumped when I raised my voice. It hurt me that I had scared Tobin enough that she rushed out of my apartment, but I couldn’t hold any of it back anymore. I leaned against my closed door before I slid down it. I cried to myself because I didn’t have someone like Tobin had.

Would you please have mercy, mercy on my heart

“You know, you don’t have to leave,” Kelley said as we stood near my gate. I had just been called for my flight and Kelley had been trying to get me to bail on the transfer, but I couldn’t.

“There’s only one reason why I wouldn’t leave, Kells,” I said. Kelley sighed as she looked disappointed. “I can’t take being here anymore, Kelley. I’m constantly reminded why I’m not good enough for Tobin Heath even after we told each other we loved the other.”

“Come on, (Y/N). There’s still plenty of people in this league that love you, even if Tobin doesn’t,” Kelley said. I scowled at her because I didn’t need to be reminded.

“Kelley, there’s only one person who could get me to stop from boarding that plane, and she doesn’t care enough to be here,” I said as I looked over my shoulder. I knew that I would have to leave soon. “Besides, I promise you’ll be the first one I call when I get back.”

“I still don’t like it,” Kelley shrugged.

“You don’t have to because it isn’t your transfer,” I pointed out. My flight was called again and I looked back at Kelley. “I have to. Barcelona awaits me.”

Kelley hugged me before I could move. I hugged her back. Getting to play with Kelley had been amazing and it was probably going to be one of the things that I missed most.

“Have fun.”

“I will.”

I turned to board my plane. Barcelona was getting a new player in me, and I was getting a new start. I couldn’t wait. Barcelona, here I come. Hopefully, I could finally move past Tobin and she would finally give my hear the mercy it wanted.

#Tobin Heath imagine #tobin heath imagines #tobin heath x reader #uswnt imagine #uswnt x reader #uswnt imagines #tobin heath #uswnt #mercy

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chilling-seavey · 4 years

Note

Passchadaele letters between Corbyn and Daniel cause I miss them ~T

I miss these boys so much :( This is a very good insight into their post-war lives so thank you for this! Sorry it took so long!

(Also, this contains spoilers so only read if you have finished the novel!)

TW // mentions of post-war trauma, PTSD/shellshock, and suicidal thoughts

June 8, 1915

Dear Corbyn,

I hope you are well since arriving home. I am sorry it has been a while for me to write you, things here have been a little crazy. Elizabeth’s alive and well and she picked me up from the train station when we returned. She was sent home early from Belgium and didn’t even know about the bombings of the field hospital. I am so grateful however I can’t find it in myself to feel happy. I’m sure it will fade with time as I settle back into life at home but for now, I will be praying for Christian and Zach and our lost friends.

Elizabeth would love to meet you and your girl one day. She has been absolute thrilled with the idea of making a new friend. We should set something up.

Write me back soon.

Daniel

June 11, 1915

Dear Daniel,

You have no idea how relieved I was to receive your letter! I was starting to think you got lost on your way home from the train station! It is so good to hear about Elizabeth and her safety and good health. Give her a hug for me and tell her that Christine and I would be more than happy to host the two of you whenever you please. I am sure she will be cleaning and baking for days in preparation!

Is your family well? I can’t imagine any of your pain in regard to Christian and the war. I have been praying for your peace every night. I know you mentioned your father isn’t the easiest man so I am hoping you’re hanging in there and keeping your sanity through Elizabeth!

Corbyn

June 15, 1915

Corbyn,

I don’t want to bother you with my nonsense, but it’s been hard. They didn’t know of Christian’s passing, so I had to break the news to them. The formal letter came last week, and mother has cried a lot, not even trying to hide it now; I can’t help but feel her sorrow as well. It feels like he’s in my arms sometimes, like I can feel his body weight in my lap and his blood on my hands and the nightmares are worse. Father has had plenty of angry words for me when I cry even when I’ve hidden it the best I could. I just want it all to stop.

Elizabeth is my best distraction and I’m blessed to have her with me. She’s so patient. Her parents treat me like one of their own…I wish my parents were as understanding as hers are. I am going to ask her to marry me tomorrow. I cannot imagine life without her and when I was forced to, the world felt so much darker. I hope she says yes.

Your friend,

Daniel

June 18, 1915

Dear Friend, Daniel,

That is oh-so exciting about the engagement! I am almost positive she will say yes. Let me know what her exact words were!

You are never bothering me with your letters. You’re like a brother to me and you’re so young, I want to make sure you’re okay; we went through something life changing together, something life ruining together, it’s not easy. You mentioned nightmares? What kind of nightmares, if you don’t mind me asking? I have had a few myself, feeling like I’m back with a rifle in my hand and thousands of lives under my control. Waiting to go over the top. The waiting is the worst.

Just remember that you’re safe now.

Corbyn

June 21, 1915

Dear Corbyn,

Elizabeth said yes before I even could open my mouth to ask her! We were under the tree in her garden and I had my grandmother’s engagement ring in my pocket and barely pulled it out and she was kissing me and telling me she would love nothing more than to marry me. We are hoping to be married when the war is over. I hope it’s soon. Father wasn’t impressed with the engagement as he never liked Elizabeth and how she and her mother are fighting for the women’s vote. I am proud of her though. Mother and Anna are excited for us which I am glad of. I just can’t wait to get out of this house.

My nightmares contain lots of things. Mostly reliving the Kitchener’s Wood attack where I find myself either on the brink of death with its cold grip around my throat or stabbing that German boy over and over and watching the life drain out of him makes me sick to my stomach. Its every night. I can’t remember the last time I had a good night’s sleep as I always take hours to fall asleep and I wake up in a pool of sweat. Sometimes the dreams are so real I can’t remember where I am when I wake up. Anna says she can hear me screaming in my sleep often. I want it all to stop. I want to forget it all and get away from the haunting memories of the death and the torture and the chilling and never-ending mud. I want my brother back and I want Zach back and I want to be okay again. I can’t remember what happiness feels like, I can’t remember what rest felt like, I can’t remember calmness. I can’t even shave without being scared of the blade. I’m scared of myself and my own capabilities that I know to be true. What would happen if I accidentally slit my throat with it and bled out just like Christian? I can’t bring myself to even touch the shaving kit.

Elizabeth helps all she can, and I love her for it, but I feel so badly for being miserable and for being such a handful and such a burden for her. I can’t bare to tell her about all this in fear of worrying her or scaring her off. She deserves more than me.

June 24, 1915

Daniel,

Listen to me, you’re not a burden to anyone and especially not Elizabeth or to me. It seems you’re suffering from shellshock; it’s a new term that front-line doctors have come up with to describe the mental effects of post-war trauma. You aren’t alone and you’re not the only one going through this, I promise. You aren’t a bad person for killing that German boy. We were ordered to by the government and you hold no responsibility for that. You were fighting for your life and you did what you had to do to survive. You are safe now. Safe with people who love you and are willing to listen to you and care for you. Confide in Elizabeth as much as you confide in me; she has the benefit of being able to be a comfort to you in person. Keep holding on and being the strong man you are; you’re doing great and you will get through this dark patch. I am always here to listen to you and guide you the best I can.

You’re my brother and I love you like my own family.

Your dear friend,

Corbyn

June 30, 1915

Daniel,

I haven’t heard back from you and I’m getting worried. I will stop by your house if I don’t hear word from you in three days. I hope you are just taking some time to yourself with Elizabeth and forgot to reply. Please write me as soon as you get this, even just one word to know you’re still okay.

Corbyn

July 6, 1915

Dear Corbyn,

Mother said you stopped by the other day. I am sorry for worrying you. I have been in bed the last few short weeks because facing the world makes everything feel worse. A woman at the shops had yelled at me, calling me a coward for coming home early when all our other men are still overseas, throwing things at me to get me out of her shop. I think Elizabeth hit her to shut her up, but I can’t remember because I think I blacked out. It all feels hopeless. Father says I’m a disappointment of a son for being such a crybaby; I think he would tell me he would rather me have died in battle than Christian if he wasn’t worried what mother would say to him. I honestly don’t blame him. I wish I did too.

Like you said, I have confided in Elizabeth and she’s been over often to try and help me take my mind off of things. She’s really amazing and I can’t believe she’s mine. I guess things are getting better although it hurts so bad sometimes. Thank you for caring about me so much. I know I have you and Elizabeth when all feels hopeless.

I want to be able to marry her and to watch my kids grow up. I can only pray this war is over soon and I will be able to provide and safe and peaceful life for my children, free from conflict and violence and death. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy.

We may be out of the gunfire but it’s still a struggle to survive at home. Just taking it day by day for now.

Miss you, brother.

Daniel

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