#also forgive me if thats not how death saving throws work

[bewilderedbunny]

Lil fluffy self indulgent blurb about Eddie and a reader with chronic pain

You hear his van pull up, Ronnie James Dio's voice is still recognizable from inside the trailer. You hear him get out of the van and walk up the stairs. He's already started talking to you before the door is fully open, excited to tell you about his D&D session and all the nonsense he put the party through. Once he sees you hunched over on the couch, curled in on yourself with a heat pack. His demeanor switches, he approaches you and gently places his hand on your back.

"You okay? Sorry, obviously you aren't okay. What's going on?"

"Ambushed by an assassin vine again. Don't worry, I showed it who's boss."

He lets out a little huff and continues rubbing your back as he squats down next to you.

"Yeah? Did ya tear it to shreds?"

You whimper a little at the pain overtaking your body and reply,

"Eventually. Tried pummeling it into the ground, but it turns out that's where plants live so that ended up making it stronger. Y'know, nutrients in the soil and what not."

"Ah, rookie mistake."

"Yeah, luckily I had some ladybug friends who owed me a favor. They came to my rescue and devoured the wretched beast before it could finish me off."

He laughs and says, "Close call. Sounds like you rolled a nat 20 on your death saving throw."

He kisses your forehead and whispers,

"Is there anything I can do for you?"

"Will you tell me about the session? Need to have references for next time I'm in peril."

He shakes his head and sits on the couch with you, your head now laying in his lap as he brushes his fingers through your hair.

"Why is there going to be a next time?"

"You know me, Ed. Always getting into shenanigans."

[liquidstar]

absolutely no one asked but im thinking about the “i love emilia” scene and how misunderstood it is by nerdboy fans that kind of miss the whole point of the series. subaru’s rejection of rem is narratively a rejection of the typical isekai power fantasy. 

when subaru was first summoned to lugnica, he instantly assumed he was getting his very own isekai power fantasy, he thought he would have the coolest magic powers and his own harem and whatnot. and well, those tropes are still somewhat there, but its a deconstruction so hes not really getting what he wants. not only is his return by death ability a very very isolating one but also a painful and traumatic one, and its not even a flashy cool superpower, its literally one that only works so well because hes weak enough to constantly die.

so by arc 3 subaru feels somewhat robbed. he always had a bit of a tendency to treat the people around him like characters (literally, he calls people NPCs) and he had a tendency to boil them down to tropes and sort of expect that they act a certain way, that things would go a certain way because hes The Protagonist. but things arent going according to his script. the final nail in the coffin is when he gets humbled by julius at the royal selection hearing, julius is literally the “knight of knights”, an ideal subaru will never have.

subaru claims he entered the royal selection hearing and fought julius for emilia, but emilia sees right through this and rightfully calls him out- she tells him he only did it for himself, that he doesnt really know her, that hes constantly projecting his own will onto her. shes right in every sense, subaru has placed her on a pedistal and can no longer treat her like a person, the “special treatment” he talks about isnt something she wants but he doesnt care what she wants. he only cares about what he thinks she wants, whatever works best for his fantasy. he’s literally objectifying her, its not subtle. so she packs her bags and leaves.

so subaru sulks in the capital while rem watches over him. and rem stays with him and supports him and comforts him despite his terrible fucking disposition- arc 3 subaru becomes borderline unlikable at times, especially when he decides that the witch cult attack on roswaal’s manor is a good thing because he can play the part of the hero and save emilia and force her into a princess role once again (remember shes running for KING). but eventually hes faced with the grim reality of the situation, like, its really fucking drilled into his head how messed up this is. 

and he realizes hes not a hero. he breaks down in front of rem and confesses what a pathetic loser he actually is, how stupid and lame hes been, how much he hates himself. and she tells him that she loves him and....

actually, let me go on a tangent here, im going to skip ahead to arc 4 because... arc 4 subaru actually perfectly mirrors arc 3 rem. so forgive this rambling for not being linear. anyway, in arc 4 subaru has overcome his feelings of entitlement, but he loses rem, the person who encouraged him, the person who he still did love very much (maybe not in the same way, but he did love her). and now he hates himself twice as much. he hates himself so much that hes actively suicidal. 

his most obvious parallel for suicidality is beatrice, yes, but the way in which he’s self-sacrificial parallels rem. rem, who literally calls subaru her “reason to die” and throwing herself into danger- thats the same shit subaru does in arc 4 to save everyone. subaru sees no value in his life in arc 4, neither does rem. for some reason people ignore rem’s inferiority complex, her lack of self confidence due to just being ram’s little sister. ram is LITERALLY the reincarnation of a god so we cant blame rem for feeling a bit... sidelined compared to her twin. her love for subaru is selfless, but selfless to a fault.

but subaru is also a fantasy for rem; one of the series biggest themes is “self recognition through the other”- essentially the way people see you vs the way you see yourself, and how in a sense both of those are equally real. rem literally sees subaru as her hero, she sees him the way that he expected himself to be seen when he came into this world, she sees him as the fantasy he wants to live out, and as her own fantasy as well. she literally tells him about the fantasy life she imagined for them in the future and everything. 

subaru initially offered her this fantasy in an attempt to run away from the events at the manor, he told her they could run away together and live out their lives. and rem rejected him, because her love is selfless, because she understands that this fantasy isnt right- she puts that over her desires. and she still confesses her love, to show them that hes worthy of it for who he is too. 

and through this its made even more clear that rem IS the fantasy, the girl that would stick by you no matter what, worship the ground you walk on, see you as a perfect power fantasy hero no matter how plain you are. but shes still a realistic character, she only works as a fantasy if you refuse to see her as one (like subaru used to) and ignore the fact that her love is also flawed, self-destructive, and co-dependent one. meanwhile emilia is the reality, the girl subaru cant force into a box, wont solely depend on him, and wont be projected upon- she demands to be her own person, with every fiber of her being, because we all know how much emilia hates being treated like someone shes not.

so... after some encouragement from rem, subaru chooses not to take the easy (slothful) route. he tells rem straight-out “i love emilia” and this time he means it in a true way.

and a million nerdboys who wanted to fuck rem cried their eyes out that night because they wanted to live the fantasy vicariously through him, missing the entire point of the series. subaru crushed the fantasy by choosing the reality. 

and the character development really reallt stuck- arc 4 subaru and emilia are frankly kind of adorable. not perfect given the horribly traumatic shit going on, but when emilia had her mental breakdown in the trial and started to act incredibly dependent on subaru, he was absolutely horrified to see her so traumatized because he knows she would never want this- he no longer wants her to depend on him especially at the cost of her on sanity. and subaru would later reference rem’s “i love you” speech to him by giving a similar one to emilia, giving her the same encouragement rem gave him. 

[lumity-poggers]

My thoughts on Watching and Dreaming

I watched the episode when it premeired last night but i hit post limit so couldnt post about it. Spoilers under the cut. sorry if anything is out of order lol im sick and im just throwing everything i thought last night down on this post.

-Luz being attacked by Amity genuinely made me cry

-"My girlfriend is too big a nerd to misremember an Azura quote" -luz probably

-Lilith having the haircut from For the Future but color scheme from season 1 is a nice touch

-"Dont you recognize your siblings" Ok damn man didnt need to go THAT far

-The giant stone Flapjack in Luz's nightmare killed me and not in the good funny way but in the sad crying way

-in the words of @minty-creator "BELOS FUCKETH OFF" (We were both watching the ep and screaming to each other about it)

-at first I thought belos was gonna try and possess king but then I realized no he's going to possess the fucking boiling isles titan

-I actually kinda liked that The Collector had no concept of death. They're a kid, an IMMORTAL GODLY KID. Of course they wouldnt know what death is

-Pacman Collector will haunt my nightmares

-The Collector needs a hug. I want to give them a hug.

-"You know this cant last forever" that was said to the collector but it feels like it was also aimed towards us

-The Archivists 🤝Pink Diamond "Wanna play a game?" *leaves them lonely*

-ok no but seriously the archivists telling Collector to play with the titans only to wipe them out leaving Collector all alone is just fucking cruel

-The Collector is just a lonely kid LET ME HUG THEM

-Me seeing Raine fight back: YES YOU GO

-Goo Belos in this episode looks like William Afton. Like- Remember that fucking fnaf 3 image where the springtrap head was open showing William? Thats what Belos looks like. Or burntrap from SB take your pick.

-Raine my beloved

-The Belos possessed Titan looks like a fucking dragon holy shit

-"Now that's a spinoff I'd watch" You and me both Luz

-The Collector picking up Raine's earring and realizing that the Raine talking to them wasnt actually Raine, and then looking upset is just AAAAAAAA LET ME FUCKING HUG THEM

-I LOVE that when the collector uses "Kindness and Forgiveness" on Belos IT DOESNT WORK. I FUCKING H A T E THAT TROPE OF POWER OF FRIENDSHIP REDEMPTION. It was one of the few things I genuinely hated about Steven Universe (SU is still a good show tho they just kinda overused villain redemption. And yeah yeah you could argue MLP overuses that too but MLP was ABOUT friendship)

-Luz, Eda, and King's expressions when The Collector hugs Belos is so funny tho. Literally just 👁👄👁

-I literally screamed at Luz's sacrifice. S C R E A M E D.

-Gaster Blaster Belos Real

-"Eda, King, looks like we're going to be split up again. I feel like I should be used to this feeling by now, but I still dont know what to say" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

-I like that Luz becomes lights. Not only was the light glyph the first one she learned but her name literally means light.

-Eda, King, and Luz are such a found family I love them

-"I should have thanked them" SCREAMING AND CRYING

-I love that King's dad basically said "Fuck gender"

-I also love that he has a bad girls coven shirt

-Eda makes alchoholic apple blood confirmed?

-Titan Luz is so gender

-Camila best mom

-LET. ME. HUG. THE. COLLECTOR. DAMN IT.

-Luz and King doing the WEH together is so fucking cute.

-For some reason I thought Luz was gonna die again when the titan magic was fading. Like I thought that was keeping her alive.

-Anyone gonna talk about the fact Eda gave Raine a little kiss when saving them from the Belos goop

-the entire episode was so anime but the fight scene between Titan Luz and Belos was just anime as fuck and the smooth animation makes it even better

-"NOW EAT THIS SUCKA" IT ALL COMES FULL CIRCLE

-Look at how fuckin anime this is I love it so much

-Luz looks so badass btw idk if I mentioned that

-Belos trying to bullshit his way out of this and Luz having NONE OF IT is so great. I hat the "[insert curse/supernatural thing] made me do it so im innocent" trope if it's done poorly or with a character like Belos. Love that they smashed that into the ground with Luz having fucking none of it.

-LOOK AT HOW BADASS AND GENDER SHE LOOKS I WILL NOT SHUT UP ABOUT THIS I AM SO NOT NORMAL ABOUT THIS

-I AM SO GLAD BELOS HAD A GRUESOME DEATH THAT WAS SO SATISFYING.

-I like the touch that Titan Luz isnt affected by the boiling rain

-King's dad is A PUN MASTER

-the reuniting. oh my titan the reuniting. I cried. Gus doing a little illusion with his dad, Amity hugging Alador (with Odalia rightfully in the sidelines), Hunter telling Darius about wolves, Willow and her dads!

-Darius and Eber so want to beat the shit out of Terra, Vitmir, and Adrien.

-Camila pulling Eda and King into a hug with Luz is just. YES.

-Yassified Hooty go brrr

-King giving The Collector Francois was so sweet

-All the kids as adults are so fucking gender. GIVE ME YOUR GENDER.

-All the photos on Luz's bulletin board are so amazing. Especially the one with Hooty dropping from a tree that one made me laugh so hard. Also the Bi Pride pin next to the graduation photo was amazing.

-"Stringbean's Corner" AWWWE

-ik im doing two screenshots in a row but LOOK AT THIS PICTURE OF STRINGBEAN

-When I tell you I screamed with joy when I saw there was a working permanent portal to the Boiling Isles I mean I SCREAMED WITH JOY

-I love Willow's leaf headband. It just fits her so well.

-I love that Hunter is a palismen carver and carved a Blue Jay to be his new palismen (according to Dana on twt the name of the palismen is Waffle. I love it.), but I also love that Hunter was (or maybe still is) Dell's apprentice by the looks of things

-The grave for Flapjack made me sob. And then the "Thank you for finding me" on it im just. I need a moment.

-HARPY LILITH HARPY LILITH

-Also I just realized now they all have matching Flapjack tattoos. Im gonna cry you guys.

-The way Darius just slides over after shaking Alador is the most tsundere anime thing ever.

-Theres a little abomination in Alador's pocket :0

-Raine with white hair is actually so fucking cool

-Gus looks so cool you cannot tell me otherwise.

-Everyone thought Eda would have like a robotic/abomination arm but no SHE HAS A HOOK AND IT'S AWESOME

-King had a growth spurt lets go!

-The quinceanera being called a king-cenera is just perfect. King is mastering the art of puns just like his father.

-King having his own glyph shapes is just perfect I love it!

-Collector making fireworks shooting stars is amazing

-THEY DID THE HUNTER "BYEEE" TO BOTH THE COLLECTOR AND US

Im going to miss toh. It was one of the best shows Ive ever watched.

Edit: I hat the new post editor istg

[cardistrymagic]

MI7 spoilers (my long rant)

extremely religious takes on the enemy lmao. i think because i'm a sucker for tech being used in spy movies that the airport scene was my favourite. 1. ethan not being found through the cctv- what a fun intro! 2. benji with the bomb- nice to see him do something...( i mean you made me think him running in the airport trailer scene was important 🙄)

IMF team: luther talked more than he has in other movies and i demand more. thanks. i kinda wish they'd use the team more ig. because they are literal field agents so they can fight? i hope? and the whole train scene benji was just gone like waiting thinking "wow he should be here by now" like LET HIM DO SOMETHING!!!

the fact that the entity has control over lots of techy stuff so benji n luther cant really do much??? makes me sad. like let them talk to each other :( i like the gadgets. i liked the little banter luther n benji had.

lastly- the scene where ethan jumps off the cliff- only women are in his flashbacks?? like i thought we'd established the IMF team as his. family lowkey y'know. it was just like okay...

in venice: white widow wasnt bad i guess. the benji dupe voice- love how it played on ethan's loyalty! i think it showed well how dangerous the enemy was- but for some reason i'm still more afraid of the past villain- lane, due to the many examples and horrors he's actually committed. ig im not into the blue ai enemy.

grace: my one thing is that i get that she might have had to be brought into the team to be safe BUT compared to ilsa, she is a pickpocket. a crime commiter at best. she is not at the level of a field agent (unless plot armour??) . not much fighting skills. to me she's kinda a liability. not to mention her constantly running away like. i was endeared to her at the airport because of her confidence. i get that maybe she becomes aware of the world-threatening shitshow she's been dragged into unwillingly but still. idk if she's cut out for the job. compared to ilsa a literal ex-agent with ties to MI6. even on the goddamn train she didnt really trust ethan YOU almost DIED?! if not for the plot armour of ethan parachuting into the carriage. girl literally almost killed him by handcuffing him to the car like very funny he just saved your life. literally not trusting ethan on the piano scene What? i dont care thats shes a orphan you've literallly been through so much. with ethan.

one second she's like not able to do much besides throwing a key around. on the other hand she can fight knife to knife with a super skilled killer (gabriel) like what? a citizen thrown into stuff out of her league-driving a car (she cant) playing a good white widow (id forgive her for never doing this ever) and the train (ok thats fine) like i just dont see the value of her being in the team besides being able to play. a woman? which im sure the og team could do to be honest. . can grace shoot a gun?

btw i feel like her relationship w/ ethan moves so fast?

grace: i dont trust you. i will let the police capture you. you saved my life but im still running!! i messed your plans up (sorry)

ethan:( holds her face) my life is worth less than yours.

What is this intimacy??affection idk closeness? i know ethan is a loyal guy but???

villain: dark messiah. death as a gift. ghost. ai. gabriel (angel wow) i love more religious imagery. the flashback was like a decent window into ethan lore BEFORE imf (oooo) but i just dont really get what gabriel wants? the entity is messing shit up already. and gabriel seems to already work with it (comms faked in venice) i assume that ethan is a variable the entity needs to eliminate but just kill him? hahaha? gabriel probably likes seeing ethan suffer but compared to lane's stuff i'm not really. amused. (ethan literally has nightmares about lane)

also paris i didnt even know if they ever said her name? she was angry and dressed up and had some rabid dog scenes (like go girl) but i hope she does more in the next part! like the part where she holds up ethan and grace with a stab wound (woah. strong)

other stuff: the dutch angles being used in like 50% of the shots like CALM DOWN i love the mi:1 references but were they always so disorieting maybe im just getting old

the scenes? ilsa dies and ethan looks a bit distressed. the scene where they're hugging was so like woah okay but felt really like. shoved in there like. Okay yeah something bad is gonna happen to her 😭😭

in the end, rogue nation + ghost protocol are still my #1s. characters like brandt and ilsa had really interesting backgrounds and fit into the IMF team easily- the films centering around their teamwork is why i got so into MI in the first place. grace doesn't offer any like addition i dont think she can even bicker with the team for funsies (like brandt/ilsa) . she's not cool shes a poor girl that didnt know what she was getting into 😭

things i did like:

action scenes. awesome((besides the lack of luther and benji there)) ilsa being awesome in the desert

the cinematography (beautiful. as always.)

everyone in suits ( lawyer ethan. benji. )

thanks for reading and feel free to yell at me about your thoughts!!!!!

[pizzaboat]

So I've seen alot of people give their theory's and opinions on what's going to happen to Lilith in season 2 of the owl house, whether or not she's forgiven, where she's going to stay and how she'll act I guess, and the major thing being if she's redeemed or how redeemed she is.

I'm just going to throw my own thoughts out there and say that obviously there's still alot to do with her character. I also have no intention of bashing her character, I actually enjoy when she's on screen. I do like her but she's still problematic. So buckle up this is a long one.

To get my thoughts straight I'll break what I have to say down into parts, cause I get distracted easily.

First up im going to say I think she is far from redeemed. My impression of her is that she regrets cursing her sister, but she also finds some sort of sick pride in it too, as shown in agony of a witch when she screams " then why were you so easy to curse!?".

She also has no problem hurting literal children to get what she wants either, but that's another issue I'll discuse.

Lilith seems to resent her younger sister to an extreme, unhealthy degree. I could sit here and theorise about her child-hood and teen years wondering what could have created such insecurities in her, but im not going to. That is irrelevant to the point im trying to make. What's important to keep in mind though is that she was "perfect prissy Lilith"- the covention growing up, Eda was good at almost everything, and that Lilith cursed Eda to secure a spot in the emperors coven when Lilith was 18-19 and Eda was 16-17.

Is she redeemed ?

No i don't think she is even half way there. She cursed Eda in her sleep to win a fight. Lied for over thirty years to Eda about that curse. Mocked Eda for the symptoms of a curse she put on her "Why don't you go home and rest wouldn't want you breaking hip"- sense and insensitivity . she kidnapped Luz to use her against her sister, used Luz as a human meat shield in her and Eda's battle during agony of a witch, was generally quite rude to Luz when she wasn't dangling her over a pit of spikes, and also SPIKES.

Taking on half of a curse she put on her sister in the first place doesn't begin to cover the trauma and pain she's caused in the name of healing her sister, enforcing the emperors laws and joining said emperors coven.

I would also like to point out that she had a way to elevate her sisters pain all this time but she didn't. I've seen arguments like she trusted the emperor to heal her sister but I can already point out so many things wrong with that.

even if she did trust him, no normal person could sit by and watch any family member they claim to care about suffer, if she trusted the emperor so much she would have split the curse sooner, (providing Eda would have let her of course) and had him heal her or Eda both.

But she didn't do that she lied to her sister for years, partly because she was scared of losing Eda and also Eda's reaction which was, and would always be unbridalled rage. but also to an extent it suited her, it suited her to be the successful sibling, the sibling doing things "right" Lilith seems to be as I said before extremely insecure, and I think that just going off the episodes she was in and the impression the show puts forward.

If what I've noticed is correct, Lilith has spent her life in her sisters shadow, bullied in school as revealed in the end of something ventured something framed, nobody took her seriously due to her appearance and probably being a late bloomer in a lot of ways. She would have jumped at the chance to be given the same respect that Eda and other talented witches or well off, higher up witches recieved.

In other words the emperors coven fed Liliths' battered ego, telling her what she wanted to hear.

It makes sense that she wouldn't want to let that go, but in the context of what has happened and the fact she seemed to still try and stick with the emperors coven before Belos sent her to be executed along with eda and king.

She isn't redeemed, she probably doesn't see much wrong with how she's behaved up until now(besides cursing Eda) and there's still alot of work for her to do. She only split half the curse because her expulsion from the coven forced her to address a mistake she made for once.

Season 2 and maybe more seasons looks like where she'll be earning her redemption. Hopefully she'll be forced to face more of her flaws and short comings and work on them.

Will she be forgiven?

Lilith from what has been shown has hurt;

Eda Luz, King, Amity, Willow and Gus. They all have different reasons to be hostile towards her.

Eda

She cursed Eda and almost subjected her to a faith worse than death, lied to her, mocked her. Kidnapped her apprentice and almost got Luz killed a number of times,using her as a sheild. She dragged Luz into the whole messed up rivalry. I don't think Eda will forgive her emediatly, after all, even if she can forgive Lilith for what she did to her, she would also have to forgive her for what she did to Luz.

She essentially kidnapped Edas' surrogate daughter, Eda was much angrier about Luz's suffering than her own "you hurt luz, you cursed me. before anything turns me to stone I'm going to tear you apart!" - young blood, old souls

Yeah Eda was fit to murder her sister, taking some of the curse probably only got rid of her homicidal desire towards Lilith, thats it.

Luz

I've seen some people make fan content in which Luz immediately forgives Lilith or comes round eventually to her when Lilith acts nice around the house.

That seems super out of character for Luz, sure Luz is characterised to be kind and sweet but if the final proves anything its that she has a ruthless streak that comes out when she tries to protect the people she loves, her family. Lilith has threatened the people she cares about. I don't see Luz letting that slide, and she would probably still be on guard. Luz may have accepted her help in young blood old souls, but that was only because she wanted to save Eda she told Lilith she didn't like her "whole deal" and she meant it.

Lilith would have to prove she's really changed for the better for luz to begin to for give her.

King

I like the idea of King and Lilith becoming friends simply for comedy perposes, if King were to forgive her and I think he'd be one of the closest to it out of the main characters.

They'd be a force of sheer stupidity and ego they'd be bad and good for each other, King weirdly enough would be more emotionally mature since he's learned things like you can't be posesive over people in really small problems it's a lesson Lilith needs to learn since she seems to resent Luz to an extent, thinking Luz was taking her sister from her "Edalyn is with her family, her real family. Go back to your world human this one is ours" - agony of a witch

Of course before this she needs to also earn his forgiveness, he wasn't there for agony of a witch but he did experience the fear and worry of losing eda in young blood, old souls the only person he had up until then was Eda " King and I, we don't have much in this world. we only have each other"- A lying witch and a Warden. Lilith helping rescue Eda might have helped improve his opinion of her, but Lilith would have to get over herself first to begin her redemption.

Hooty

I don't think Hooty would hold a grudge, mostly because he's comic relief and weird. Since I personally think no one in the owl house would be bothering with her, and I see her being forced to live In the shed. I think Hooty would be her only company and I think it would be unexpected and really funny if he's the first person/bird thing to open her eyes to her awful behaviour. You gotta start somewhere and Hooty is it.

Amity, Gus and Willow

I think Gus and Willow will be stand-offish until Luz and King forgive Lilith.

Once Lilith has developed more as a person she owes Amity an apology for how she behaved as a teacher. Amity would be mad after the covention episode, but almost killing her crush would make her protective of Luz, and wary of her in general.

Conclusion

Lilith hasn't been redeemed in my opinion, there's still alot of growth she needs to go through, she's made alot of terrible mistakes and decisions, its what makes her so interesting. I like her but she's a sh*t person, but she can learn to be less of a sh*t person.

I'm aware this is a kids show and she probably won't get all this development or she could get different character development and that would be awesome, its just my thoughts and opinions and I'm really excited for season 2.

[eternityservedcold]

ive been posting about my codex!wendy au on twitter for a couple days now but instead of just copy and pasting what i wrote on there ill actually expand upon it a little. also this post is gonna be really long but theres pictures so i hope that helps

if theres any moment where the timeline splits (not including moments before this that may have had a butterfly effect), it would be william carters train crash in 1904, which.... did not happen in this universe. he, with no small amount of shame, moves in with his rich and successful brother.

wendy and abigail grow up having, essentially, an extra parent, which thankfully means abigail didnt die. with their mother long gone, when jack dies in 1919 (not of magic-y reasons, just like... a heart attack or something), william is left to take care of the twins alone. he tries to find jobs so he could work himself to death and at least save his nieces, but due to his general lack of competence, he isnt finding much that can actually sustain them all.

wendy and abigail, who have noticed this despite williams protests that everything is fine, decide to do the smartest thing they can think of: run away from home so william only needs to take care of himself. im sure you can see why this is a bad idea, even in a universe without the codex umbra, but boy does it get significantly worse for them very quickly.

wendy gets hit by a car. abigail runs for help, but by the time she gets back, wendy is fine. and clutching a strange book.

over the course of the next few weeks, wendy and abigail manage to scrounge up a little money, and between this, wendy shows abigail some neat tricks the codex umbra taught her. abigail suggests, a bit jokingly, that maybe they could become magicians. the codex wendy thinks this is a great idea.

[transcription of text: “THE AMAZING MARY, Performing feats to astound and mystify”]

at the codex umbras suggestion, wendy adopts a stage name, “mary,” and the twins perform their first show. it goes very well, and they make a lot of money, so they decide to keep doing this, and hopefully save enough to go back home and take care of their uncle.

mary and abigail perform many magic shows, and end up becoming beloved around the country. admittedly they do get a bit lost in the sauce, but theyre teenagers, wouldnt you? except, mary often times seems to forget they theyre doing this for their uncle at all. in fact, mary seems all-around real different these days.

mary becomes far colder, more secretive, and will lock herself in her study for days at a time. abigail notices her sisters change in personality, and attributes it to the fame going to her head. unlike charlie, abigail never realized quite how deep mary had gotten into the codex.

mary and abigails final act goes very similarly to maxwell and charlies. theyre going through the routine when something goes horribly wrong, and theyre grabbed by the codex and taken to the constant. mary becomes the queen, and abigail the night monster.

mary rules much like her uncle, and brings most of the same people into her world. the differences are as such:

maxwell is still william carter, who replaces wilson as the “all-around” type. if he was in the game, he would only have slightly lower hunger drain, and otherwise be identical to wilson without a beard

charlie has taken the role of wendy, so to speak... winona died in a factory accident (the very same one that would have taken her to the constant in another life), and charlie keeps her soul in a rose

webber becomes the “canonical” protagonist instead of wilson. i would have made it william, but it is ultimately important that the protagonist is someone uninvolved in the carter relationship chart

wilson is actually a half-decent scientist so he replaces winona, i guess

adventure mode is the same but i wrote some quotes for funsies, here we go:

A Cold Reception

Looks like you found my portal.

Haven’t you learned “curiosity kills the cat?”

Let’s see if I can’t up the stakes a bit.

King of Winter

Oh, you survived, that’s fun.

Just remember, you need to be lucky four more times...

But I only need to be lucky once.

The Game is Afoot

Huh? You’re still alive?

That’s... impressive. I’m interested to see how this will go.

Break a leg out there.

Archipelago

How do you do?

This has been fun. You’re a good playmate.

But I think you should know I had a nasty habit of breaking my toys.

Two Worlds

How do you do?

I know you may not want to make another deal with me, but...

I’ll just give you all of this for free.

Food, gold, pigs, anything you want from this world.

All I want in return is for you to stay put, okay?

Darkness

Go ahead.

Keep going.

I think we both know what will happen.

Epilogue

You found me.

Was it what you hoped for?

Forgive me for not giving you a curtsy.

For what it’s worth, you were a fun playmate.

To me, at least. Maybe not to Them.

Maybe They’ll find you more fun when you’re here.

They’ll show you beautiful, terrifying things.

It’d be best if you didn’t fight it.

I’ve worked so hard to make this world.

I’ve made it so pretty for Them.

I thought I was so smart. So needed.

But even Queens are bound to the board.

In the end, I can’t change the game.

I’m not quite sure what They want.

Perhaps we’re just performing for Them.

Though that may be my mind playing tricks on me.

Hm. What year is it? Time is weird here.

Go ahead, stay as long as you like.

It’s not like I can throw you out.

Or you could put the key in and get it over with.

It’s a lose-lose situation.

That’s life, though, isn’t it?

...I think I’m done for now.

i also drew some disconnected cyclum-ish comics:

[transcript of text:

Mary: "After all I've done, you still help me. Why?"

Webber: "We trust you."

Mary: (offscreen) "I don't understand."

Webber: "If you were gonna do something, you already would have."

Mary: "I just don't understand."

Webber: (offscreen) "It's okay, Mary, you don't have to."]

[transcript of text:

William: "I missed you so much! I was worried sick, I can't even be mad at you..." (rambling)

Mary: "I... I'm sorry, do I know you?"]

im very much still developing this au but thats what i have so far.

[dragqueenpentheus]

Okay no one has to read this but i DO have to write it:

PYROC VS FATHER PAUL

Ya bitch needs an art break bc im getting angry about voices existing as i try to keep myself entertained. Today is NOT a god one for sinking into repetitive line work and that’s just about all i have on the table atm

SO! Im gunna do a little thinking about my little meow meows all fucked up by religion. Just a comparison for my sanity and interests. Pyroc is my baby i wrote him for the first time years ago. Five?????????? Whadda hell. Going on six.

ANYWAY john joined religion because of his trauma. His sister died and he felt lost. He was unmoored in this fishing village and looking for reason looking for hope. Hed had his heart broken and trying to make sense of tragedy on his own was totally beyond him. Thats why his interactions with riley in AA are SO good like. He knows that confusion and he knows the rhetoric that’s supposed to combat it. Only it dooesnt work for riley.

The same sort of thing happens for pyrc, only inverted. Loss urns him away from god and religion because its SO strong in his family and not only is he loosing trust in god, but his kin as well. He’s suspicious there’s mre they arent telling him, at the point of his fathers death. And he agrees to, on the surface, absolutely wholly throw himself in to being the second the family and the village need. But he’s keeping his treachery under wraps.

That’s one of the coolest things about father paul imo is like. That slow unraveling of what is. Frankly. An awful half assed plan, driven by fear and loneliness and desperation and dementia and love. Even VERY obvious things like. Taking down the newspaper photo of his young self ‘slip’ by him. I think, on some level, its DEEPLY intentional. He wants people to CHOOSE this. He wants people like bev. He wants people who see him and are in aw of him beating god. Of killing death. He wants to be worshiped and adored and for people to come to him willingly, no tragedy driving them to his arms.

Pyroc also wnats to be worshipped, but he ALSO wants to do the worshipping. He really longs for an element of almost????? But not quite??? Subjection?? He wants to be shown something and for a Great Voice to tell him, unquestioningly and unerringly that it is GOOD. Full stop. And then he wants to spend his life worshipping it. But this booko is an exploration of how….. no such thing exists. And more importantly no great voice exists either. There is nothing wholly good, nothing wholy evil. His lack of faith in himself once he becomes god is him starting to understand that as well. Thats on purpose baked into the lore. The starting point was ‘what if god was a position and in order to get promoted you had to be a murderer. No matter what’. He understands things are not wholly good, at that point. I onder how long it will be for him to realize they are not fully evil as well?

Bc pruitt does hm hm hm an interesting move. Where he takes something the narritve is very sure to communicate is EVIL no wiggle room just fact. Even if its driven by animal instinct its. Evil. And he makes it, not just good, but HOLY. And god i LOVEEEE that for him i ADOREEE that what a MOVE. Driven by desperation and dementia and relief and ‘if god saved me than maybe i can be good despite loving and sinning and maybe if i defeat god then i will be Thee Good’. SO sexy of him. Im really fascinated by his morality. He seems to have an understanding of the shades of grey in some respects??? But if he had a BETTER one with more forgiveness in his heart i feel like hed have left the church anyway after sarah was born??? Even if millie didnt ask him??? That might just be my own sensibilities creeping in but ….. like he culd have seen her on the weekends. He can do other jobs. Hes straight (??? Not totally convinced of this) he could have just dated her that makes me crazy. LIKE OBV HE HAD LINES HE THOUGHT THAT WOULD CROSS AND HE HAD INTERNALIZED THE CHURCH AND THE RULES AND SHE WAS MARRIED AND ECT ECT i know he couldnt have really but. Thye were straight. They coulda.

Im not gunna do fantasy homophobia bc i think its …………….. Boring. But i think some element of??? The vindlegaurd line MUST be passed along and for that particular rules must be applied. But thats also boring as hell :/ maybe i can work in my parthenogenesis lore?????????? I bet pyroc would love building that spell in any universe. That’s the sequal when he goes to magic university in helsin. But yeah i do like the concept that. Anyone can have a baby thru magic its just a time and energy commitment. Just a matter of wanting it enough together. Every baby is so deeply wanted and its mere existence is proof. Thats dope i love that. HMMM to be decided at a later date when im deeper into the story i think. I still havent figured out fully how and where and why orion is going to be invovled and if???? Pyroc and orion are even going to be romantic??????? Im torn im TORn…….

Thikns about john bonding w sarah over science and learning and starts wEEPING…. Like theres some surity beloved. Its just a matter of uncovering. I think sarah felt that same thirst for answers and hunted them differently. Her faith is in logic and science. I loveeee her god. Every scene w her and her dad absolutely RUIN me like!!!!!! SHE DOESNT KNOW!!! SHE DOESNT KNOW HOW LOVED SHE IS!!!!!! I hope at hte very end she saw the blood as the gesture of love it SO clearly was and not him trying to poison her. God i love that she spat it out. GOD. Thats about being gay, btw. Spits the religious offering that could save you across the gasoline soaked church floor like BABE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think we as a collective should talk about the possibiites around sarah/erin more. Bc their defiance combined would be. Earth SHATTERING for crockett.

In the future pyroc gets a kid. Ever since that campaign where Enemy ended up playing his daughter im like. How did i NOT know this idiot wanted nothing more in the entire world than to travel it with his daughter. I dont care how or why hes getting a kid. Hed be so doting and awful abut it. He would need orion as a co-parent for the kids self esteem to be normal levels. thINKS ABOUT PAUL GETTING TO RAISE SARAH AND JUST ABSOLUTELY GASSING HER UPPPPPPPP HANGING EVERY DOODLE SHE EVER MADE ON TEH FRIDGE. BOASTING ABOUT HER SCEINECE PROJECT OT ANYONE WITHIN EYESIGHT EVEN THOUGH ‘WE K N O W JOHNWE WERE ALL AT THE SCEINCE FAIR’!!!!!!!!!!! Let these fuck ups be doting fathers im fucking begging. That scene where paul is like. You take ccare of everyone on the island sarah. Its more than being a doctor. You comfort them.

HM HM comfort is such a thing for Miss Bitch like!! He sees it as a Good Thing. He tries to bring it for riley by asking to hold the AA meetings on island ((also manipulation. Obvously also manipulation. I wouldnt have bene shocked if he was slipping the vampire blood into the coffee every meeting either. But thats just a theory. A game theory.)) ANYWAY he sees comfort as hly. The church gave it to him when he needed it. The angel gave it to him in the cave. Feeling safe and warm is HIGH on his list of priorities and what makes him hand over respect.

I think pyroc has lived a very comfortable life in SO many ways, but in none he. Activly recognizes. A key part of his character arc his him…. Opening his eyes to the world around them. Seeing the privilege he has and being like. Wait. This isnt Right. We have to change thi. And when no one agrees ti shifts to I have to change this. With Violence. A little revolutionary <3 it only costs the life of his whole ass family

Thats more fun comparison ground like…… paul is SO much about I know whats right and there is a cost but i AM ignoring it. Like HE KNOOOOWSSSS he knooooows he just doesnt want o See. I’m not sure if im going to surprise yroc with the ……megadeath of. His whole family. Or if it’s a choice he has to activly make. I think a choice makes it more compelling, more layerd. It has to be in the moment though, becaus ei think thats. A key difference between them. Pyroc wouldnt do it.. hed just leave hed peace out and do what he could in small ways. But he wouldnt do his big stand off with god. Hed shrink his goals in order to not hurt his family. Out of love?? Intimidation?? Some instinct wihtin him that balks at the idea of disobedience??? I think even he doesnt know. But i LOVE john becaue he jsut decides to lie. He closes his eyes and says i am being stupid on purpose. I think thats PERHAPS more compelling than good guy coward pyroc BUT!!!!! Thats who he is rip to ths little man. Cant change him now hes a whole ass child in my head. The PLOT i can change. Him….. not without massive character development <3

UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MM set my brain on FIRE!!!! Im so glad nano is coming up. I love sharpening pyroc against the comparison of other AMAZING characters. Father paul hill my beloved millstone <3 anyway sorry to anyone who reads this its literally me unhinging my jaw and emptying my brain out. I had to write stuff that wasn’t novel or fic. A little character time down and dirty. I wil NOT be editing this love and light to future me trying to decode this

[macgyvertape]

50 or so hours into Cyberpunk 2077

This should be roughly the correct amount of time, ive been leaving the game running as I get up to get food or do stretches. Quests are roughly in order I did them

non spoilers above cut:

 i haven't found a single hat/helmet i like, and since you can't hide them I just am not wearing any. It matters that much.

I posted the other day about bugs, every few hours I play I find new bugs. some require me to go back and reload a save others I honestly can’t tell if it’s a bug or just really poor development

there are several perks that don’t quite do what the description says, like the Anamesis perk. Based on reddit and trying it out it seems to just not do anything.

sometimes in car chase segments the passenger will say “look out” as cars spawn in my path and hit me. Can’t tell if that was deliberate or a pop in issue

Yeah I’ve just totally given up on doing pacifist things unless required by a mission. Given up on doing stealth too unless a mission objective, except for sneaking around to set up a fight.

:readmore:

the delemain car quest is fun. From the shock of the one going "beep beep motherfucker" and doing a hit and run to start it off, to the GLADOS car i see a lot of people talking about. It was fun to explore the city when i might have missed places like the landfill apparently there is follow up on T-bug's death if you go back to the quick hack shop in Kabuki. It's not much but better than nothing I made the pass with Panam of "what if the room just had one bed". I know she won't do a wlw romance, which is fine since I wouldn’t have chosen her.  I enjoy her as a character, don’t get me wrong, my V considers her as a friend, but it seems like theres always drama going on which would be tiring. I would have gone for a fling, i like her leotard-pants combo with all the straps

but also her questline was buggy as hell. Multiple cases of having to reload due to clipping into objects, including her in a driving section, or just insta-dying when collision physics with some rocks broke "your neural network can no longer function independantly of the chip" me slapping my desk: s y m b i o te!!! come on lets have some s y m b i o s i s

in the scene with hellman i really liked how Johnny moved around the room. It made him feel like he was really there. it was hard to follow the convo as I left the room, i would not have understood it without subtitles. But i guess Takemura fucking waterboarded hellman. :|

lol I hope the dialogue is different b/c i refuse to smoke for Johnny

i am level 18 and still can't beat the first opponents in the fist fighting quest. ffs

I looked up the romances options so I went to do the I fought the law quest as soon as i got it. ACAB, but like I literally just met River Ward 2 minutes ago, and I really like him. His earring and cyborg eye, his big fluffy coat. I'm definitely gonna sleep with him Ok i like how when River Ward is dealing with the tiger claws if you interject it leads to a fight. It goes better if you follow his instructions and let him deal with it. Seriously I enjoy that sometimes its good to not pick a dialogue choice.

during the red queen club part, there was no dialogue over the phone. So i reloaded a save and got myself spotted and attacked. Then River showed up to help me <3 and it was more enjoyable having him there. I honestly am not sure if him not going to the club level is bug or not.

then uuuuuugh the worst of irl police "cops are my family" from Detective Han. Again ACAB "FRATERNITY OF CITY COPS RESEMBLES A [Nomad] CLAN NOT AT ALL" ok a few minutes ago i was complaining about bugs, but the character modeling in this game is good (when they're there). You can see body posture, characters jiggle their legs when they are nervous. Like I though character A was just throwing a cigarette on the ground, but then character B flinches back; I realize Char A threw it at B as a fuck you

I'm honestly curious if "I fought the Law" quest will have any impact later on. My choices were that I thought there was more going on than Holt being the only person behind this (based on how complicated the main questline heist is, and keeping an eye on some of the in game news), and told him not to take it to internal affairs, and I loved his response of how he doesn't give a shit what we think, he's doing it anyway.

In the elevator to report in, Johnny said "this muck is deeper than you think, tell them nothing", so i just said that the case was complicated. anyway i love how much of a sarcastic asshole V is

I thought i was being nonlethal with the monk quest, but it seems i accidently killed someone. RIP, but thats kind of the problem with this game. Like when i do the non lethal cyberpychosis quests I equip my non lethal modded gun and hope for the est. I like how a go here kill things quest led to Charles the ripperdoc. He's getting all his parts from scav gang members so I felt obligated to take him out. I got a police bounty for it but w/e.

I merged the Delemain fragments with the whole. Guess he's the meta now. (Side note: some of my favorite rvb fanfic plots are Ai consiousness/memory merging with the humans, so I’m having fun with this game and look foward to introspective fanfic)

Honestly Jonny made some good points, the fragments didn't deserve to die; but also destroying the core and freeing the fragments, they couldn't really function alone.

I was able to rescue Saul fine with stealth. Using cameras and the synapse overload really made it easy.  Can't use the sniper rifle reward b/c I don't have the stats for it, and while it has a silencer the fact that it's a ricochette weapon and not a shoot through walls weapons, makes it not as good imo; and theres a legendary one that is stats free for only 100k.

Lol made a pass again at Panam, and she immediately shut me down. I then did Mitch's quest and I love every time someone tells V they area  good person.

I hacked the operation carpe noctem shard, and wow the corporations are using ai to make people have cyberpsychosis, or something like that. What a shocker /s, I've played Deus Ex HR before

lol driving through the unifinished interstate, past the fight from Panam's first quest I found a "batcave" with a very nice car, and a manifesto written by "muckman'. But here's my complaint about the loot, there is a legendary top, but it had 16 armor. My current top has 84 armor, like why would i switch?? then later i found a bunker with soviet spies in it. Wild

Doing River's second quest, love the timing of as soon as you ask, why are we breaking in, someone shows up to tell you he got kicked off the force. It's funny how Johnny comments how maybe River's into you, and V just doubts Johnny's words. Love how the first kid asks River if I'm his girlfriend. also wow like oof both the second parts of Judy and River's quest are SUPER fucked UP!! oof like i stopped doing first person mode on the braindances for those quests as soon as i could, just made me too uncomfortable seeing that in first person.

DRIVING IN THE GAME IS BAD! nowhere is it more apparent than the sinnerman quest, which took me 3 times to get the driving section done, as cars spawned out of nowhere to hit me. Then when you restart, there is a bunch of dialogue it doesn't let you fast forward through. The rest of the Sinnerman questline is interesting. My V took every option to tell the dude that he was messed up, and what he was doing was wrong. idk, I was surprised how much dialogue there was that let you buy into his whole "forgiveness thing" and how there wasn't any real dialogue to call him the fuck out, that in seeking forgiveness he continues to do harm both emotional to the mother of the man he killed, but also that he got the husband killed via cop. The later follow up quest, I told him that what he is doing is crazy, studio is just going to profit off this vid. Then I refused to join him prayer, and told him fuck no i wasn't going to hammer him to the cross, or even watch. Yes, the man is scared of dying, and the corporation is exploiting him, but he keeps creating burdens for others.  I think the discussion on this quest will be interesting to read, it's definitely my own personal experience with religion coloring my view. Anyway back to a main quest, yeah i don't trust Placide, especially in that scene where he grabs my hand, then jacks in. I ran off to do most of the sidequests here and got some criticism from him. I do love how in the cinema the western movie switches to a mission brief as the netwatch agent talks. its a fun enviromental detail.  I took the netwatch offer, i don't think he's being fully honest with me, but he didn't put a virus in my head. As I told Placide later, I didn't pick a side. I like how you can then talk with the agent, who is a fan of Western movies, b/c they show "a simpler time where all good guys carry badges" :eyeroll:, and then V recommends Unforgiven, which from the wiki summary goes against that theme.

Looks like the Voodoo boys all got killed by Netwatch, but I as revenge for them trying to set me up I'm fine with it. Honestly after speaking with ai!Alt I don’t believe their plan of trying to be on good relations with AI would work. 

doing the johnny flashback 2, and wow Johnny really is an asshole. Like I had gotten so used to him in side missions I forgot how self centered and unlikable he was.You constantly get prompts to drink or do drugs, which I ignored. But i do love the goth/punk love Rogue and others have.

lol i called it, when Hellman said that the engram would seek to override the host, put V on the engram. I really like how as the relic malfunctions, you wind up in the chair with a cigarette, which you can either smoke and say you are turning into Johnny or throw away. My dialogue "your problem is the ends justify the means", which is true!!! He and Rogue detonated a nuke downtown, does anyone know that, and like ask Rogue about it????

(Funny you can ask Rouge about Johnny silverhand, over the phone, then the game bugs out and spawns her npc where you are. She doens't say much about the nuke, but she does say no one trusts you for jobs). The line of no one trusting you for jobs is pretty funny at level 46 street cred where im at “respected” status. really loving the family atmosphere at River's 3rd quest. Also his big strong arms, and the fact he is no longer a cop. I totally let the kids win, and wow the family dinner where they GRILL YOU over the relationship and try to set the two of you up, then the water tower scene!!!!! I don't love the first person sex cutscenes but they do have personality. I'm glad afterwards you got to tell River about the biochip and that you might die. Because he's so far removed from your personal plot. So I took that option to back out of a relationship.

I do love that you wake up with "river's tanktop" that says "fuck the police" It actually has extremely good armor stats, so thats what I'll wear now.

panam 3rd quest, when shes like why did you help me, I'm like "because it's important to you". Basically the closest you can get to "when a friend asks for help you help them", which as an ex-nomad backstory I really choose the nomad options when ever i can Paralezes quest part 2! I love the piano song but I always think of it as ocean's 11 music. It's also fun to see the computer and see Judy recommended you for the first quest. The emails talk about "forgetting" to hire a staffer, on the balocony a strange antennia was scannable, the color of the roses was remembered wrong...  lol guess i was right with those giant wall screens. Its fun environmental details that spell things out before you can notice, and it ties into some other quests where people's behavior is being altered. Actually, this quest "Dream On" I love it! For a while I've been like "wheres the illuminati conspiracy! Here it IS! I chose to follow Elisabeth's wishes and not tell her husband he was being brainwashed. In best case they program him to forget again, in worst case he ends up dead. The gaslighting Elisabeth described is CHILLING, her husband describes a vacation she can't remember and she doesn't know whose memories have been messed with. On your way to the plaza you get a call from someone/something that says the know exactly WHAT you are, any you black out!!! It's such a great feeling of helplessness that you're just one person in a world so big that you can't fight every power. As Johnny said, could be a corporation, could be a rogue ai, either way Jefferson is fucked (and so are you).

[the-healingprocess]

taking care of my caretakers

the flashbacks of my old friend’s suicide attempts force me to reflect on my childhood. mostly how it shaped the person I am, really. it is painfully obvious that I am an empath. 

I try to explain being an empath to people and sound nuts, but I guess this sums it up: 

The term empath comes from empathy, which is the ability to understand the experiences and feelings of others outside of your own perspective. You take things a step further. You actually sense and feel emotions as if they’re part of your own experience. In other words, someone else’s pain and happiness become your pain and happiness.

thats exactly it. I absorb someone else’s emotions as if they were my own experience. I understand and feel so deeply. I'm genuinely there with whoever is hurting or experiencing that emotion. I've always been like this. 

looking back on my life as a kid, I really didn’t get to be a kid. my younger sister did, though. she was perfect. her life was different. my mother is finally coming to terms with that, but that is a whole different can of worms. maggots, really. 

my mom struggled with mental health. she still does. she had a very hard life growing up, too. her relationship with my father was extremely toxic. they split up pretty early in my life. I was just a young kid but I remember it vividly. at the time, I was pretty close to my dad. he was worried I would let someone else “be my father” but he was my protector, especially when my mom had one of her manic, abusive freak outs. I think it’s bi-polar but she’s in denial. always has been. 

my dad protecting me changed when he moved out. I became bait. my mom immediately started seeing someone else. I assume it was infidelity considering the first time I met him, she had an engagement ring on her finger. there was infidelity on his side, too. they hated each other. my mom hated me because I looked like him as a kid. 

yes, hated me. and made it very clear. 

the years of mentally and emotionally scarring verbal, physical, and emotional abuse I endured from my mom due to her mental health issues is not really the point of this, although it has impacted my life greatly. 

my father being absent, using me to taunt my mother, stealing money from me since I was a child, lying through his teeth, and making it clear he never wanted me in the first place has also impacted my life greatly. he has set the bar extremely low for the qualities I have sought out in men. 

my mom and I have worked hard to heal our relationship, but it has not been easy. it has taken years. I don’t forget anything...I'm not sure if I even forgive. 

my father, on the other hand, I don’t have much emotional capacity for. he does not engage in me really. he told me not too long ago if it were up to him he would’ve “ran for the hills and never had a child.” I fear a man like him.

I fear being with anyone in case they are like him one day. they have made me feel that I am better off alone. maybe undeserving. I'm not sure. 

the point of this was to reflect on the way I had to nurse my mother’s pill addiction throughout the years, especially while she was abusive to me. 

when she was addicted to muscle relaxers, she was also pretty suicidal. she’d get into these blackout rage freak out episodes and tell me all the ways she plans to kill herself. where I could find her if I came home one day and she was gone. overdosed at the motel down the road or hanging from our front tree. 

she said it would be partially my fault. I made her hate her life. she said I disgusted her. this was my father’s fault. she doesn’t remember these things. she wasn’t in the right mind. I wholeheartedly believe that despite being unsure of where I am in the forgiveness process with her. I don’t forgive my father. he launched me into the water to see if I could swim with a shark and left me there. 

he never believed me either. 

the nights I spent for years pulling food out of her mouth when she was too high to swallow so she wouldn’t choke to death. or if she was choking, to save her. having to pretty much drag her up the stairs because she couldn’t walk. helping her throw up. forcing her to drink water. stationing her body in bed with proper pillows so she didn’t aspirate. 

I was just a kid going into my teenage years. 

I used to walk to the park at night and cry after these episodes. 

why was I taking care of my caretaker? I had to grow up so fast. 

I took care of her just for her to abuse me when she was sober. 

I prayed to whatever was up in the universe to push her to get help before it was too late. 

I protected my sister, despite the fact that she never protected me. 

she was diagnosed with anorexia. I helped her with fluids and sugars when she’d pass out in the kitchen or fall down. but when I was being beaten and called names, she just watched and let my mother shower her with love while I was left alone to sulk in pain. 

we hate each other. 

I was never enough. 

over the years, my mother recovered and was properly diagnosed and medicated. with time, she reflected on her actions. she has made steady progress. 

over the years, my father has dealt with several extreme illnesses and has nearly lost his life 7ish times or so. I can’t keep count. watching him on his death bed was mind numbing. begging him to try to take care of himself to stay alive and seeing him refuse to be healthy was exhausting. it still is. 

he does not care. sometimes I wonder if he even cares to see me be successful. I don’t even think he knows how to do anything but talk about himself sometimes. but I'd have to ask my sister since they’re great together, too. 

when I was hospitalized, he yelled at me for having to drive three hours to be with me. I “interrupted his poker tournament.” the flu had gone to my heart and lungs but, how dare I? typical me being useless. 

people say the middle kid is always the least loved or undesired one - like the red headed step child type of shit. that’s exactly it. 

he left me as soon as I got my own room and oxygen on me. he couldn’t miss the chance to win money. 

all he does is fuck me over financially. he has taken money from me since I was a kid. I helped my mom pay our bills since I was 8. I know how much money I have and when it goes missing. when I was hospitalized, despite me being on family health insurance, he managed to put thousands of dollars of hospital bills in my name, lied about paying them, and let me go to collections. he has signed things and put me in collections more than once, all because of lying. my biggest fear is being a financial fuck up like him. I work too hard. these are just some examples of his shadiness. 

he doesn’t call me, ever. I'm too exhausted to be the only one that tries. 

when he does call me, he’s the one high on pills now and can’t even function. he’s addicted but at least he admits it. he needs them to some extent because of all the surgeries, but he eats them like candy and gets them off the streets. he knows I have no tolerance for addiction. I don’t understand it. it ruined my life. 

the shit storm that has been my life has made me terrified to have my own family. the thought of bringing something so fragile into this world and having a broken home or putting it into harms way scares the hell out of me. I would never want my kid to feel even a fraction of the pain I felt growing up. I can’t imagine someone even loving me enough. 

my mom and I are extremely close. we work on communication a lot. she vents to me about her relationship with her mother and I hear my angry, hurt child self in her. my grandma put her through so much pain. my grandma makes it very clear she favorites my mom’s younger sister - she openly says it. they haven’t worked anything out. it kills my mother. her anger and tears - I feel it in my heart. but, that was me for years and years. sometimes it still is and my mom knows it. 

I am trying so hard to change my narrative. I deserve to. 

[raven-black102]

Asking For Help

Requested by @rororo06 do a Peter parker x stark!reader where the reader ends up doing drugs and stuff and Peter and Tony and the rest of the avengers stage an intervention.

I've never experience drug myself so if for some reason I offended people please forgive me.

Warning: Drug use, depression, Cursing, and death

(Y/n)'s POV

Never in my life did I though I would go through this direction. Doing drug and smoking weed and pot. But then when the people you care the most start putting their life on the line you tend to change. It was hard enough that I could lose my father to anything now I also have to worry about my friends and my boyfriend.

It was too much for me. I ended up getting depressed and messed up in the head as months go by. They never seem to notice. Not my dad or my boyfriend, but my friends outside of the avenger did. But then everything got worst at the day when I lost someone I looked up to. I manage to hack F.R.I.D.A.Y. and got her to stay quiet about my drug use.

"Baby? You okay?" I heard Peter called causing me to blink a few time before looking at him. "Sorry what?" I asked with a small frown causing him to look at me in worry. "I was wondering if your hungry. You look like you haven't eat for days." He said causing my fingures to twitch as I rolled my eyes at him. "Since when do you care?" I mumbled getting up as I heard the door open.

"I always care." Peter said as I walk to the living an put on my shoes. "Ha, seems you don't fucking show it." I snarled as I saw my dad walk in. "What's going on?" Tony asked as I rolled my eyes again and grab my bag. "None of you damn business!" I growled going to the stair and going down. "(Y/n)! Get back here!" Tony yelled as I continued to descend from the stair ignoring him. "Don't you have scummy people to fucking save. Go do that and fucking ignore me like you always do Stark." I yelled as I heard only my own footsteps going down.

Once I made it to the first floor I quickly left the tower went to and underground subway. Once I know the coast is clear I quickly text my friend then throw away my phone. I pulled up my hoodie as I walked toward a Cemetery were my friend was buried. It was quiet as I pulled out a joint an lit it.

"I miss you Ray." I mumbled as I read the head stone. 'Ray Samantha Blake' born 2010 died 2017. She was only 7 years old and was helping me with my addiction tell she died. I can just imagine how disappointed she is of me right now. "I know I fuck up. God I wish I didn't have to go through this shit. But with you gone and everyone just putting their life on the line. I can't help but just worry and feel fucking scared that one day one or all of them won't come home." I said as I throw away the joint that just wasted.

"You smoke that thing?" I heard my friend asked causing me to sigh as I was looking at Ray stone. "No. I can't really bring myself to do so in front of her." I said softly as I felt him sat down next to me. "I know how much you hate asking for help." He started causing me to chuckle softly. "But I need it." I said softly causing him to smile at me.

"If you want. I can let you stay with me. Watch over the kids since I know rehab isn't gonna help you." He said causing me to grin at him. "Your just saying that so you and your wife can have another kid." I said causing him to blush. "No..." He trailed off as he helped me up. "I probably have to go home. Fuck I can't believe I talk like that to my dad and Peter." I mumbled causing my friend to smile sadly.

"It wasn't you (Y/n). Thats what drugs do to a person." He said as we left the cemetery and got into his car. "I can just imagine they might stage an intervention." I said as he buckled my seat belt and got into the driver seat. "I got you some ibuprofen for your headache." He said as I whine holding my head.

"Thanks." I mumbled as I took two and drank some water. "Probably should go back at the tower and pack my things." I mumbled causing him to smile slightly. "You want me to come with you?" He asked causing me to nod my head. "You can stay here. If I don't come back in 30 then you can come get me." I told him as I got out.

"(Y/n). Mr. Stark wants a meeting." F.R.I.D.A.Y. said causing me to sigh softly as I went to the stair that lead to my room. "I don't have time right now." I said as I felt my fingures twitch. "Mr. Stark said he'll ground you for life." F.R.I.D.A.Y. said causing me to growl. "I don't fucking care! He can do what ever the fuck he wants! It's not like his gonna fucking listen to me even if I'm his only kid." I snarled angerly as I open the door to my floor and went inside my room.

I quickly pack my cloths in a bag only to hear my door opened and lots of footsteps. "Where do you think your going?" I heard causing me to get even more annoyed. "Away from you thats for fucking sure." I snapped as I turned to see the whole Avenger here.

"What's wrong with you?" Rhode asked causing me to turn around and glare at him. "I'm a drug addict thats whats fucking wrong with me!" I snapped causing their eyes to widen. "I'm fucking tired of thinking that one day, one of you won't come back home or even all of you. Then what?" I asked as I felt tears rolled down my cheeks as I sat down on the edge of my bed.

"I'm tired of having endless nightmare of you guys not coming home and that I couldn't do anything about." I said as I clench my fist. "How long?" I heard causing me to look up and see Peter's pain faced. "Seven years now." I said softly causing everyone to intake a breath. "Why don't you..." Bruce started causing me to look at him. "Go to rehab? I've tried. Multiple fucking times. It not helping me." I said as I look at the time.

"Then where are you going?" Natasha asked as Peter sat next to me. "A friends place. I have an idea on how I can stop but I don't know it will work." I said as I slowly took Peter's hand. He quickly intertwine our fingures together and gently kissed my hand. "I did manage to stop once. For a whole year. I meet a little girl. Ray. She helped me." I started as I gently squeez his hand. "But she died and I fell back to using again." I added as Tony got down on his knees in front of me.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Tony asked softy causing me to lean toward him and place my forehead on his shoulder. "And have you get the constant fear that I might overdose when your busy saving the world. That though never crossed my mind." I said softly.

"You could've still told us." Steve said causing me to look up at him. "You guys have to many thing to fight. I think this is my battle to fight on my own." I said softly as I gently nudge my nose on Tony's neck. "After all I'm a Stark. I don't asked for help." I added causing them to smile slightly once I pulled away from Tony.

"(Y/n) You okay?" I heard causing me to chuckled as I look up to see my friend. "Yeah. Help me carry my bag?" I asked moving pass the group to give my friend my bag. "Of course." He saod getting two bags and left the room. "I would ask you guys if you want to come but," I trailed off looking away from them. "You wouldn't know when to have a vacation." I added softly as I saw pain flash in all their faces.

"You guys can come a visit. If you ever can." I mumbled as I went to hug Tony and place a gentle kiss on Peter's cheek.

[hellfirenacht]

Sally Face Chapter 5 Redux

Wrote this for the Sally Face Discord Secret Santa. Please enjoy!

Chapter 1

Hi, my name is Sally Face Aqua Sanity Fisher and I have a prostetic face (that’s how I got my name) and I wear my hair in 2 blue pigtails that goes to my neck and a lot of people tell me I look scary :(  I’m not related to anyone in Sanity’s Fall but I wish I wuz becuz thats my favorite band of all time. ((A/n: if u don’t know who dat is den get the hell out!!1)) I’m am innmate and I wear mostly orange even though it clashes with my hair. Today I was excited and nervous because 2day they were gonna exicute me. I’m a murderer (n case u couldn’t tell) and i was sentenced to death becuz I killed everyone in my old apartment building. The prison guards stared at me as I sat in the electrik chair. I put up my middle finger at them.

“Heeey Sal”  shouted a voice. I looked up. It was... Ashley Campbell!!

“What’s up Ash?” I asked. 

“Nothing.” she replied shyly. 

But then the Cult killed me and I had to go away.

Chapter 2

The next day I woke up above my grave and Ashley was there with some weird triangles. I was kinda annoyed that I was just a bunch of bones and my prosttettetic was laying on the ground. 

My friend Ashley looked up n grinned at me. She was wearing a purple tshirt and black leather jacket and combat boots. It waz very smexy. 

“OMFG ur back!”  she said excitedly. 

“Lol ye” I replied sexily. 

“Did u here? Todd is totally the red eye demon!!1!” she said with a gasp. 

“No way” 

“Way.”

“ANd the cult is like, gonna do a ritual to summon it!” Ashley gaspsed again. “I was gonna go stop it.”

“Oh My. Fcking. God!” I screamed. I loved fucking with the cult. I hate cults they’re such posers. 

“Well... do  you want to go with me?” she asked. 

I gaspsed.

Chapter 3

We met up with Neil and Maple who were having coffee. I hate coffee but I let my friends drink it anyway. 

“Oh my god!” yelled Maple. “Sal you’re a ghosts!”

“Lol ye” I repleid. “Sorry about Chug and Soda.” 

“Lol we Gucci” she replied understatedly. 

“I wanna go save my boyfriend!” Neil said suddenly angrily and throwing his mug against the wall it shattered. We all cheered.

Suddenly............ everrythign went dark!

Chapter 4

Jim sat at his turnrtables blasting Sanitys Fall at me as I stared at him. Jim was Larry’s dad and also an alien. I don’t get what that has to do with anything but I guess that the cult dndt like him so he was banished to the dead wurld. 

“Duuuuuuude you like, gotta get ur shit together if you wanna beat the cult.” he said in a stoner voice. (He was a stoner and smoked all the time- but he was super lame cause he would’t give me any dank space weed) 

“I fucking kno that!” i yelled back. “I need to stop these stupid cultitst from destroying the entire fucking world!!” 

“Yeaaah man like, if you wanna beat the cultists u gotta get with ur friends.” he nodded wisely. 

I am with my friends!” I shoooted back. 

“Nah man, you gotta make peace with everyone u killed.”

And then suddenly I was back in the apartments!!!!

Chapter 5

“Sorry I killed u Chug and Soda” I said. Soda threw a block at me.

“BAD UNCWLE SAWWY” she said and put me in timeout.

“Did you bring me a snack?” asked Chug. I gave him a half eaten candy bar that was in my pocket when I got electricuted. 

“Okay we’re good.” he said. Then I went to a bunch of other people’s rooms and apologized.

Henry and Lisa patted me on the head and gave me some ghost lasagna which I put in my pocket for l8r. Lisa told me to tell Larry to go clean his room. 

I tried to tell her that Larry was still gone when suddenly this weird looking gnome wizard broke down the door..... And was blasting Santiy’s Fall!! 

It was...

...

..

...

LARRY!!!

“Larry nani the fuck u look like some sort of Gnome Wizard!” I yelled. 

“Haha jk I look the same!” he tossed his cloak away...... he looked the same!!

“You look the samee!” I said

“You look the same!” said Lisa

“You look the same!” said Henry (who was my dad when I wasn’t dead)

“We gotta go now.” said Larry and then we both went away. 

Chapter 6

When I woke up we were... in the cult temple! Everyone was staring at us with a “wtf r U doing here” look. Me and Larry and Ash and Neil and Maple put our middle fingers up at them.

Then Todd spoke up!

“Thoust art but children” he said in a deep voice. “How couldst thou beat me?” 

“TODD PLZ I LOVE YOU1!” yelled Neil, throwing his cup of coffee at a cultist again. 

Then me and my friendz all beat the shit out of the cultists and punched the cult leader in the nose.

“How the FUCK are we gonna get Todd down?!” yelled Maple!

“I CAN HELP!” Yelled a voice back.... It was..................................................................................................................... TRAVIS PHELPS!!!!

“But ur a Cultists!” Accused Neil. 

“I may be a cultists....” he sayd mysteriously. “But I’m also gay!!” he yelled and Maple jumped up and ran at him. Travis grabbed Maple and yeeted her into the air twoards Todd!!

Maple untied the ropes and dropped Todd into Neils arms.

“What if... we kissed... in this temple...” said Neil. “And you were kinda possessed by a demon... and all our friends were watching?”

The Todd Eyed Demon protested “what the hell dude!” he yelled “thou canst not kiss me! That’s just wrong!”

But Neil (having gotten express consent before hand from Todd) ignored the Demon and smooched him!!!

“Oh my god!” Yelled Ashley

“Bruh” said Larry

“Nice” said Travis

“It’s not working! :( “ said Neil. 

“We have to ALL SHOW OUR LUV!!” I suddenly gasped and we all went into a big group hug and sang a Sanity’s Fall song at Todd but backwards and it exorcised the demon for real!!!

We all celebrated by helping Ashley blow up the temple and then....

Me and Larry were alive!!! 

Suddenly we heard Jim’s voice “Duuuude u like, totally got the true ending!” he said. “YOu made peace with everyone and like, totally defeated the demon with the power of the found family and self forgiveness and shit. The people you killed gave you the power to be alive now. Proud of you all, man!”

“Thanks Jim” we all said. 

“Your face is still fucked up tho.” he said sadly

“It’s okay,” I said removing the blindfold that had been on my face the whole time from when I was executed. “I don’t need a mask anymore. I have my friends and my life back and I love them all!”

And then we all went to a Sanitys Fall concert and lived happy forever. 

THE END

[dbzebra]

actually i have something to ask that's not about ships!! i want to talk about the King Piccolo saga. i can't think of a question, but maybe just ramble about what you liked about it? i've found myself liking it more and more (i'm not at the Piccolo Jr Saga yet in my rewatch lol but soon i will be, so that's included too) than i had when i first watched it a long time ago and i've really come to appreciate how much the filler moments contribute to the overall story!!

HI!! THANK YOU! :D

gonna put this under read more cause it got long lol

Ok so I LOVE the King Piccolo saga. Its been a few years so im a little hazy on details but imma just rant for a bit. Once i get back there ill be a bit more coherent and focused lol

 Imo, its legit some of the peak in the series. ESPECIALLY in terms of art. DKP-Freeza had the best overall art imho. Anyway it starts off with such a bang i love it. Like im sad my boy Krillin dies. And then Oolong is all like “hey this piece of paper says demon on it” and it cuts to Mater Roshi and HE IS TERRIFIED. That shot of him hoding the paper practically trembling goes without saying. 

Its the first time we legit see Goku out for blood. Like this kid is pissed tf off. He anhillates Tambourine when he was running away and fucking kicks Drums skull in without a second thought! And with that scene we have one of my favorite shots in the anime, thanks to the GOAT, Masaki Sato

this dude does some of the best key animation/artwork on the anime PERIOD. its just so clean. He went up to somewhere in the Android saga (I believe the last thing he worked on was Super Android 13. And its missed later on cause the Buu Saga with this style? good lord. (We did get Studio Cockpit for Cell-Buu, but there were only like 4 eps in the series they did)

ANYWay IM getting off track sorry. its just so good. this was the first time where the Z Fighters (ik this aint Z but i still call them that lolol) are legit dying and it just feels so helpless. 

For all intents and purposes, Demon King Piccolo won. he took over the world. Crime was legal. Goku was presumed dead, Tien was MIA, Yamcha was crippled, and the Chiatozu Roshia and Krillin were confirmed dead.

OH RIGHT.

HE FUCKING. KILLS. SHENRON.

Wishes for his youth. Shenron is about to fly off and DKP is just like “nah” and MOUTH BLASTS HIM TO DEATH. 

Its just like, even if they did win, too bad the worlds still fucked and your friends are dead cause the eternal dragon is dead. (lowkey tho it makes me wonder why that was never used again.) Like later on they go all about no Kami/Piccolo = no DBs but never “what if we killed the dragon” would have been interesting on Namek imo

there were only a few times the series felt that hopeless and every time it was great.

One of the sub arcs is all about the Evil Containment Wave which is one of my favorite techniques in the whole franchise 

JUST LOOK AT IT ITS COOL AS FUCK

this move legit kills you just by using it. thats wild

And i love how King Piccolo (and even Junior in the following arc) just shits himself anyone even pulls out the rice cooker or whatever they decide to use. this dude is scarred lmao

Like this man hates martial aritsts so much he legit makes Tambourine for the sole purpose of eliminating any of them around the world so nobody could ever stand up to him again. terriying stuff if you think about it. and theres some sad scenes of seeing guys like Nam and them get slaughtered by Tambourine aka Dameon Clarke doing his Imperfect Cell voice (im a dub watcher lol)

This also introduces Yajirobe and I really like him tbh. His fight with Cymbal was great. dude legit sliced Cymbal ate him. I wish he was around more of the fights, hes tough af. (He was the savior against Vegeta but after that he became Senzu Bean delivery man lol). i mean i get hes the coward but he saved Goku more than once in this arc and hes a good guy overall. 

Also speaking of Cymbal getting eaten, since him and DKP are telepathically linked, could DKP feel him getting eaten or nah since he was already dead? 

As for the filler, this was where the anime staff really shone in the expansions. Like take the Ultra Divine Water. in the manga, Korin is just like “here lol” and Goku drinks it. In the anime theres a whole arc about the darkness. And while imo ti drags a biiit too long, the fact that they made a mini arc about him EARNING IT makes it so much better imo.

And then probably m favorite filler scene in the arc involves Tien when they were searching for Dragon Balls. (At least im pretty sure its filler) They track a dragon ball to the house of a dude Tien crippled back in his dickhead days lmao. The dude is pissed off (for good reasons) and lowkey petrified and this man Tien is beside himself with grief. Iirc he gets on his hands and knees, legit begging for forgiveness. (I think he even says something like, “if you want to break one of my bones or even kill me out of revenge, go right ahead” AND THE DUDE ACCEPTS HIS APOLOGY. its just so nce to see an actual redemption arc. Like with Piccolo its heavily implied in filler but never really explicitly shown when he turned good. With Vegeta he throws a tantrum and then hes like hmmm imma be good now. But Tien? The anime goes out of its way to show that this dude realizes his entire worldview was fucked and he feels the weight of it, all boiling up to when Shen almost kills Chiaotzu for not wanting to cheat. (Shen and Tao’s comeback in 23rd WT was a great conclusion to Tiens character arc buuut tbh i wish Tao wasnt a cyborg. YO WHAT IF GERO TURNED TAO INTO AN ANDROID AND HE WAS #19 OR SOMETHING that would be sick lmao.)

Also the filler with DKP’s origins that showed Muitaitos fight and detah and then Shen’s descent into being the prick he was in canon was really believable. 

I COULD WATCH A WHOLE SERIES ON THIS

(Also my theory on why King Piccolo legit explodes when he dies is that he basically transferred his entire being into Piccolo Jr’s egg, body and soul, so he wouldnt really have a body left. they kept going on about he was his reincarnation so it makes sense to me lol)

nd the next arc (which tbh its basically one big arc) has the best fight in the whole franchise Goku vs Piccolo Jr aka the best fucking grudge match ever lol

[princesssarcastia]

GOT S8E3

DD I FORGIVE YOU FOR EVERY SIN YOU’VE EVER COMMITTED HOLY SHIT THAT WAS SO FUCKING AMAZING.  I CRIED, MY MOM CRIED, YOU CRIED, BRAN CRIED HOLY SHIT.

Guys, look, I saw endgame yesterday (no spoilers) and I just want y’all to know that this episode made me completely forget about it.  completely.  on this channel its all thrones all the time, now and always. 

I just, I can’t even,  I cannot even.  

SO!!! (god, I'm so happy to be excited about game of thrones again)

Ten minutes of building dramatic tension would be a lot, but by god they did it beautifully.  Using sam as the pov for this worked so well, because he's like benchmark normal people reactions for the show. 

Melisandre showing up to light up the Dothraki is so good; she and Berric Dondarrion, who I'll talk about later, both fulfilling their purposes to the Lord of Light was the fulfilling end of a narrative arc.  It made me cry.  And god, the cinematic beauty of that wave of firey swords racing across a field toward the dead was......poetic.  

And Daenerys abandoning the plan to go and save the remnants of the Dothraki, and Jon following her, was such an echo of Jon’s actions in Battle of the Bastards.  I love cinematic parallels, guys, they are my life’s blood.  The wheel turns. 

When the white walkers brought the storm I about flipped my lid, y’all.  

All those shots of Grey Worm standing fast against the dead were so true to his character, and so,,,,righteous??? is that the word??? it made me want to pick up a sword and help him is all I m saying.

Melisandre to the rescue again with lighting the trench; she’s super fucking helpful in this episode.

JAMIE AND BRIENNE, SAVING EACH OTHER TIME AND TIME AGAIN. YESSS

*announcer voice* WHO’S READY FOR A DRAGON BOWLLLLLLLLLLLL

(not me I WASN’T READY)

Tyrion attempting to drink himself to death in a crypt because he feels useless while Sansa has a slight fear breakdown and Missandei throws shade for Daenerys was,,,,hilarious.  also I want to know who decided to put everyone in a crypt for the zombie apocalypse.  a crypt, you know, where they bury dead people????? I wasn't expecting that either and it just about killed me like it killed those women and children. 

Sansa and Tyrion, having a moment? Courtly love?? yesss, whispers my romantic goblin brain. 

I also appreciated the show runners’ commitment to Sandor Clegane’s PTSD with fire.  the man cannot handle his fire, it gave him a panic attack even now, and I really like that.  I also like that he snapped the FUCK OUT OF IT when he saw arya in danger. (note: I don't know if thats how ptsd works, or panic attacks work. probably not.  but u know what idc it gave me character interaction warm fuzzies)

Edd’s death?? Sad but satisfying. 

Sam being scared shitless the whole time but still showing up ready to two-fist it with dragon glass was excellent; its consistent with every bit of how he's acted thus far. the first man in a thousand years to kill a white walker makes it to the end. 

Lyanna Mormont taking out a giant on her way out was 100%.

I would like to announce that DD giving Bran his one (1) slotted emotion for the rest of the series about Theon fucking Greyjoy was not the move I was expecting, but by god was it incredible to watch.  Even Bran can’t watch this man die for him, kill dozens of zombies to protect him, without crying because soon he’ll be dead. it’s a mark of true redemption for Theon, dying protecting the child who was part of his first, biggest fuckup. 

I guess ghost is dead?????? we’ll see. 

That bit with Drogon being swarmed by dead was fucking terrifying.  I bout died when they started swarming him. 

And then Jorah, Jorah, JORAH.  JORAH RUSHING TO HIS QUEEN’S RESCUE; JORAH NOT COLLAPSING UNTIL HE KNOWS SHE’S SAFE; JORAH MORMONT, GIVEN THE HONORABLE DEATH HE DESERVES, I fucking cried y’all, and so did Daenerys.  That’s the best scene Emilia Clarke has given us for Daenerys in one and a half seasons. (and then drogon curling up around her while she cries, d’awwwwww)

finally.  you know I had to save it for last.

What do we say to the god of death?

oh man, oh MAN, Arya “No One” Stark being so good with her pole arm that even Davos is like “oh shit”; panicking in the face of the dead, which was a series of nice human moments for everyone’s favorite badass; running into the Hound and Berric to save her;  

Berric dying, fulfilling his grand purpose, the one the Lord of Light brought him back from the dead for twelve times ( think about that. a great god brought a man back from the dead twelve times so he could save Arya stark. god I'm in love)

Brown eyes.  green eyes.  BLUE EYES. 

What do we say to the god of death?  Well, if you’re Arya motherfucking Stark, you don’t say anything to him.  you kill him. 

you kill him with the valerian steel dagger your brother gave you, the checkoff’s gun I didn't even think about. 

Arya, tears in her eyes, looking at her brother because they won, and she saved them all.  Does this make Arya the prince who was promised?? lets crown her immediately and let her do whatever she wants without consequence. 

guyssssssssss I'm going to go watch it again now.  I'll probably cry again too.  I'm real fucking excited to see where they go next for the first time this season. 

[jenstracted]

okay... so spn 15x03

spoilers below don't keep reading if you don't want spoilers.

so this one was a lot, especially for the third episode of a season! so lets get into this. So as we remember from last week the wall is breaking down, so the boys and rowena need to try to fix it, so the original plan is to have rowena strengthen the barrier, that doesn't work so then Belphegor just hApPeNs to remember liliths crook the one thing that will call everything from hell back! WOW SEEMS AMAZING RIGHT! SO EASY!!!! well no turns out its in hell so they form a new plan to have Bel and Cas go to hell [sidenote dean doesn't really give cas a say in the fact that he has to go to hell with Bel whom he can’t stand cause he's wearing jack... but anyhoo] sam and rowena are going to do a spell to close the tear that leads to hell, and dean well dean is going straight into the fire to help the spell be cast, so they all get their assignments and everything is dandy! Cas and Bel head out to go to hell and Bel is his snarky self and keeps pushing cas about how the winchesters are just using him [I feel like this contributes to the end but also fuck you Bel they love cas] so they jump into hell. the scene changes and we see ketch in the hospital, I previously didn't like Arthur very much but I can really appreciate the character development and his newfound heart unfortunately that heart gets ripped out like five minutes after he wakes up; and here is where I cried {the first time} so the demon who ripped out his heart turns out to be the girl demon who hates bel so she texted dean to find out what the plan was and him thinking it was ketch he told her. so we flash down to hell where bel and cas find the box containing lilts crook! sHoCkEr its in Enochian which conveniently cas was the only one able to read it! so turns out they have to be sung [which unfortunately got cut, but misha texted me that if jensen wasn't already dropping an album he would but he doesn't wanna seem like a joiner] so the box opens and they get liliths crook, but the female demon shows up and bel kills her but not before she puts some doubts into cas’ head about bels intentions. so cas tries to take the crook but gets knocked away as bel [ShOcKeR] betrays them, so cas Is trying valiantly to get back to bel to stop him from becoming basically a god, and dean trying to do his part to close hell throws the hex bag in and the tear starts closing. cas finally gets to bel and kills him... the sob that he left out right after killed me and my heart broke {the second cry} since cas killed bel the souls stopped getting pulled back to hell. Sam and rowena realize something is wrong and start freaking out and trying to come up with a new plan. Heres where my heart broke. rowena comes up with a new plan, to sacrifice herself...not for glory, or power, or even the greater good, purely because she believes in prophecy and according to death her final and permanent death is by the hands of one sam winchester, she wants him to stab her so she can suck all the soul into her body and take them to hell together, my heart broke immediately rowena has long been one of my favorite females on the show not to mention she is a badass ginger like me! sam is reluctant for this plan because he has grown fond of rowena, but after some protesting he stabs her in the stomach, the way he did it hurt too, he said “no” then went in for a hug and stabbed her. when rowena felt the knife she said “thats my boy”  then pushed the knife in harder {cue my gross sobbing}  she then walked out and sacrificed herself into the tear and took all the souls with her {I gross sobbed for like 10 minutes}. then we are back in the bunker and dean goes to do his big brother duty of checking up on sam, when he leaves Sams room, he goes and talks to cas, [reminder I LOVE DEAN! HE IS MY FAVORITE! PLEASE DON’T COME FOR ME] dean blames cas for rowenas death and asked why he couldn't stick to the damn plan, when cas tried to explain that bel was a lot worse than they thought so he was trying to stop him before he got unstoppable dean didn't want to hear it he shut him down  “we would've figured it out after WITH ROWENA!” cas tries to talk some sense into him “the plan changed dean, something went wrong, you know this something always goes wrong” then dean something that hurt me as much as it hurt cas “yeah? why does that something always seem to be you” {do you hear that??? THATS JUST MY HEART SHATTERING}. cas is finally fed up with deans bullshit of taking out his anger on him and said “you used to trust me, give me the benefit of the doubt, now you can barely look at me. my powers are failing, and I've tried to talk to you, over and over, you just don't wanna hear it you don't  care, I’M DEAD TO YOU. you still blame me for Mary, well I don't think theres anything left to say” this broke my heart because you could see from deans expression he knew he was being a dick but his pride wouldn't let him talk, when cas starts to leave he just said “where are  you going?” cas broken said “jacks dead, chucks gone, you and sam have each other... I think its time for me to move on” then he just leaves. I was screaming at my tv for him to go after him. but he didn't. 

so this episode was a lot and I had to literally lay in bed wrapped in blankets for an hour to just process. At the end of the episode I felt like didn't have any emotions left. but lets break down my thoughts with the happy first; the boys managed to stop another apocalypse in record time! now for the sad; we lost ketch, we lost bel which I’m kinda salty about cause I enjoyed the snark, we lost rowena this broke my heart and I'm still not over it tbh, and finally im low-key mad at dean right now it just felt so out of character for him to act that way Cas has been nothing but loyal to the Winchesters and dean does this? I know that castiel made mistakes but so did many characters in the show, including Sam and Dean so why is Dean acting like this? Cas betrayed the angels to side with them and protect them, he risked everything for them and after seeing this episode, the way he was treated broke my heart... What happened to Mary was not castiel's fault. It was barely jack's fault so why is Dean shoving all this anger at cas? After Rufus died, dean talked about how you should forgive family and friends, and cas deserved nothing but forgiveness, in fact he saved them from a worse threat. if dean were in cas’ shoes he would've done the same damn thing! I do understand that dean has to grieve I get it, he acted the same way when John died, but this hurts a little more because we always knew no matter what sam and dean would stick together. but Cas... he doesn't have any blood ties, so he doesn't have to come back. I love dean and I know he deals with grief by shoving it down, but this does feel out of character   ALSO IM MAD AT WHOEVER WROTE THIS AND THOUGHT THIS WAS OKAY BECAUSE ITS NOT! BAITING US WITH “WE ARE” LAST TIME TO PULL THIS CRAP! FUCKING SADISTS! 

 this is only the third episode im scared on how the show will get towards the end, this episode was more painful than most even some of the season finales were less painful than this.

I’m sorry if this is a little choppy I cant read it again because im still hurting

[sshibalx]

The venom of my ambition, I sharpened my knife every day, but because of my uncontrollable greed, my knife became dull ⫸

Kim Jun-Myeon + cismale + he/him.┊ ❛ ━ hey, is it just me or do you hear Born Hater by Epik High playing in the distance ? oh, thats just Ssibal, a Chaotic Evil member of the league of villains. i suspect they might be Han-Jae Song (승한재), a twenty-nine-year-old Research Manager at Haggis Tech with the ability to manipulate all aspects of filth, rot, and putrefaction. according to my sources, he can be assiduous and multi-skilled, but also muddled, and closed-minded which is probably why they remind everyone of an ceramic ashtray full of half-used cigarettes shattered on the ground as the wind picks up the debris, a black coffee stain on a white cashmere versace turtleneck sweater, and a assortment of rotting fruit in a glass bowl on an black marble island counter. so much. anyway, a supervillain or not, crystalline city is keeping a close eye on them!

pintrest || the powers || wanted connections || spotify ||  musings || playlist || threads (updated daily) || tasks

BASICS ⫸

Name: Name: 승한재 or Han-Jae Song Nicknames/Alias: Nickname: Dr. Song in the professional setting. Han for his close friends. Jj only by his mother. Face Claim: Kim Jun-Myeon (Suho from Exo)  Age: He is 29 years old, though he does appear to look younger. Gender: Cismale. Sexuality: Sapiosexual. He finds intelligence and the human mind to be the most sexually attractive feature for a potential sexual relationship as opposed to gender. Date/Place of Birth: He was born Januaray 20, 1990 in Busan, South Korea. Astrological Sign: Acquarius-Capricorn Cusp Ennegram: 7,6,3 Myers Briggs: ENTP, The Debater Super Power: Filth Manipulation Alignment: Chaotic Evil Languages: broken hieroglyphics, Spanish, Greek, German, Arabic, Korean, English Religious Beliefs: “When you die, you rot in a hole in the ground.” Currently: Crystalline City, Downtown District. Occupation: Head of Research, Haggis Technology Rank: Upper Class

HISTORY ⫸

Childhood/Family Life: Han’s childhood was his opinion entirely without flaw, and he reflects of those family memories fondly. His hometown of Busan was full of wonder and excitement. The family of four partook in many family outings, picnics in the park, afternoons at Haeundae Beach, eating fish cakes down Seomyeon, and visiting the many local shops. Of the many places he lived, Busan is his favorite. Though, as to not tarnish those memories, he’s sure he’d only return if it were absolutely necessary. 

The nightmares of his family home decayed and decomposing haunt him all too frequently 

The family uprooted their location the year he turned 8 years old. A turning point in his mother’s career left them with no other choice but to follow her to Eygpt. And while the first move was particularly hard on him, he found time to forgive his mother as she introduced him to many experiences in his life; from bathing elephants in India, to visiting the many wonders of the world, Han, too, found himself a helpless wanderer, so long as his family was close by.

As a child, he portrayed questionable behavior. His obsession with death and decomposition started in his early formative years. It was a typical day at the beach when a larger predatory bird swooped down to pick at another seemingly flightless bird. Having scared off the vulture, he stared down at the warbler, it’s outward appearance withering in front of his eyes. While it elicited a typical reaction from his sister, the power consumed him, and never left his body. His father would later find out his son inherited the super powers that he’d hope to pass down. 

Though he learned most of his skills from his father, he gained his love for life from his mother, Shion Song. Having a very close relationship with her, and given her ordinary status, she is undeniably the most important person in his life. 

His sister, Seon-mi, being the second most important person, though he does have trouble speaking this verbally. Throwing cash at her and cleaning up her messes is suitable enough for their relationship. And while he’ll insist she find a better job and her own place, Han doesn’t necessarily think he’d be able to live alone in his condo.

“We promised we’d never speak of Mexico again.”

But Han-Jae is far from the perfect example of an ideal role model and self-less brother. There are some messes he can’t clean by himself, and that’s where their father comes into play. And despite his hatred for Heroes and the League in general, Han does believe there is one true superhero, that being Min-Jae Song, his father. There is no doubt that Han has made his parents proud, though there are some aspects where his father and him disagree on. Seon-mi, being the favorite and far better at her abilities, applied a small amount of pressure on his relationship with his father.

Education: For the most part, and due to their constant nomadic tendencies, the children were homeschooled for quite sometime. Having ever only attending a quick couple of years in highschool.  

Accomplishments: Han was accepted into Berkeley College where he recieved his PhD in Infectious Diseases and Immunity, and while typically the next logical step would to beome a specialist, Han spends his time flourishing his career at Haggis Technology. With its reputation and great technological advances, Han believes that he can find a cure for his mother’s ordinariness. 

Regrets:  Not necessarily a regret, but a constant fear that he will have to listen to his father’s guidance in tapping into his more regenerative abilities. Decomposition being his specialty, Han has trouble understanding that this power could stem from his father’s Infinite Supply. With his pessimism towards human life, their greed, and their vanity, Han believes they deserve the rot and decay they inevitably endure. This is problematic, because his mother, despite how much of a super she can appear to the family of supers, is ordinary, and she too will have to undego the same processes of typical humans and organic matter; death, old age, decay.

Secrets: His family is quite unaware of the research he does. As his research requires test subjects, he finds it a little inappropriate sharing his findings with them, and his end result-- finding a cure to his mothers inevitable decay. And since he is not entirely morally stable in his ideals in humanity, he does cross a couple of bridges when it comes to finding test subjects. This is where Sshibal, his alter-ego, comes into play, and the looming fear that his sister knows that he is the reason behind a couple of missing persons reports.

PERSONALITY ⫸

Positives/Virtues/Skills: He is assiduous, multi-skilled, and very ambitious. His family is very important to him, followed by the work he does at Haggis, and while he doesn’t believe in the more optimistic ideals the company represents, he does agree that technology and science contribute to his own obsessions. Therefore, he would do anything for the company, having helped in his own ways for it’s recent successes in the research department.  He can be quite charismatic, golden-tongued, taking on leadership roles to pass the time. Creative, resourceful, and intellectually quick, he’s good at a broad range of things. He enjoys debating issues, and is very much into "one-up-manship". He gets very excited about new ideas and projects, but tends neglect the more routine aspects of his life ie keeping his apartment clean, laundry, keeping an organized work desk. Generally outspoken and assertive, he enjoys people who he finds are stimulating company; coworkers and fellow members of the Syndicate. 

Flaws/Weaknesses: Because of his ambitions, he can seem to be in constant motion, never feeling like his goals are met-- this being a theme in his life due to his mother constantly moving them around. He, therefore, can seem very muddled, disorganized, and for lack of better words, all over the place. When he has trouble explaining his theories, concepts or processes he can be very temperamental, cold, and pompous. Making him a little hard to work with. Under stress, he, at times, losses the ability to generate possibilities, and becomes obsessed with minor details. These details may seem to be extremely important to him, but in reality, are usually not important to the big picture. Outside of his colleagues and syndicate friends, he not at all as social as his personality would convey. He has a natural distaste and distrust for anyone outside of his family. He, therefore, tends to fall into rather toxic relationships with others, often times never revealing his true emotions. While he is very upfront with his intentions, he tends to hide his feelings in fear of rejection. 

Likes: tea, fish cakes, traveling, fruit, expensive pens, expensive clothing, glass aesthics, expesive watches, expensive wine, elephants, a quiet office

Dislikes: humans, half of his interns--if not all, his cigarette addiction, the messes he always seems to create, Mexico, meeting his sister’s friends, his sister’s personality, pleasing others, white paper-- reports should always be printed on beige, the color white in general

Dreams/Ambitions: To cure his mother from her human form.

Hobbies: Meditation, running, traveling, wine tasting, research.

Fears: He fears losing his mother. He fears losing his sister. He fears that his father will no longer wish to save him from his destructive tendencies. He secretly fears that these relationships are the best relationships that he will experience which is why he fears losing them. He fears of becoming trapped, stuck, or stagnant in his life. He fears failure. He fears that his memories aren’t as accurate as he believes them to be. He fears that his childhood home is not being taken care of. 

Comforts:  When his sister is at home safe, and not out on the town, money, his father’s scent in the wind as he’s being bailed out of whatever unfortunate circumstance he’s in, the smell of mold

[survivormetaverse]

Episode 10 - "I've been channeling Raffy's chaos and messy style" ~Amy

Colin survived omg omg. I went on call with him after tribal council and I smoothed things over with us. So I'm like the only person he's not hating right now. Also I literally told Colin everything. I told him exactly what happened which is so awkward if anyone finds out I tolf him that they all backstabbed him. Also Elle cannot be trusted!! Why would she do this? She's probably working with Colin and at this point I'm ok with voting off Elle. She really backstabbed the entire plan. Also Elle's idol is gone so it would be easy. BUT, we need to rid of the advantages that remain. There's not any time to get off people I don't trust. We need to expose every last idol we can. Also I know Brayden has an idol and I'm working with him but I might have to backstab that guy because if he makes it to final tribal council with an idol that will be big on his resume. Honestly Brayden will be seen as the most popular social player so that will look really good compared to me. So I might have to backstab my best friend before the time runs out. 

Wtf was that tribal. Literally besides Colin, the only person left out of the vote and lied to by my own partner. Just when i thought things were looking up for me in this game, the rug gets pulled from underneath me again. I literally dont feel like i can trust any of them but for the sake of playing nice, I have to pretend that everything is fine and be a fake bitch for a day or two. Ugh 😑

I understand Colin is probably really upset and hurt because he felt personally close with me, but I don’t understand why my reasons for not saving him weren’t valid. When he tried to save Dennis, it rubbed HIMYM the wrong way and I didn’t want to betray 5 people for 1 person the same way he did that because it’s what gave everyone distrust. He said he didn’t tell anyone about HIMYM until after he heard his name, but that’s a lie as Josh and Jay both heard of it by round 8. I said that and then he said “well that’s still one person”. It’s more than one and even then, one person is one person. You gave us a reason to distrust you and that’s why you were targeted. I never told anyone about his SWP because I didn’t want to give him a reason to tell others I’m not trustworthy or for him to target me with. Ultimately, of course I knew Jay wasn’t going to send me out, but there was a real concern that Babs had an idol and that between me and Anastasia, I would go. So yeah, my concerns were indeed valid as it could’ve gone to a point where I go. I really want immunity this round. So bad. But if it’s not me I’ll be ok with my allies having it. But please I want immunity!!! 

[this was earlier, but put it wherever✨] Sooooo so much drama these days, I used to be in an alliance with Jay, Brayden, and Anastasia but they're all in a megasix alliance except Jay is relatively new bc they swapped him out for Colin recently, Jay is completely in Jodi's pocket and RIP honestly bc I was hope our little Corn Tribe (we're both from Ohio lol) would make it far, Colin and I are firmly allies now and we have an alliance with Amy (who is currently Colin's no. 1 ally and I respect that she risked it all for him lol understandable) and are goin to make another one with Josh. Josh and I are allies and I trust him a lot partially bc ppl lied to him almost as much as ppl lied to me and Colin and being at the bottom is a good way to know your allies are true, they have little to gain 😂 oh and Brayden and Anastasia and I are still "allies" and idk Jay hasn't talked to me yet sooooo let's see what happens there!

I accidentally said that Josh was on the bottom out loud when I was answering him for the question who doesnt deserve to be here. Omg I literally ruined our relationship. I am sooo stupid. I literally told him i was sorry and he said K. Ok but he is on the bottom. Obviously he doesn't need me as an ally and that whole side has a plan. Omg Im ready to be blindsided lol. But also maybe dont vote out me. Josh really isnt that forgiving is he? That is crazy to me. I wouldve pretended to forgive at least. Now I feel even more awful because he never said he forgave me. Pain. Anyways I screwed up and now I'm just praying Josh doesn't gun after me now. But I did tell Josh the whole truth and apologized genuinly about the situation. Oh god I hope he doesnt hate me. I dont even want him as a jury vote I just cant take anyone hating me or disliking me. It makes me want to throw up. But I deserve to feel this way since I emberassed him infront of everyone i am so so stupid. Anyways time to plan who to get out. OMG JOSH JUST TEXTWD ME "It's fine Im on the bottom. My feelings dont matter" WHAAATTT OF COURSE HIS FEELINGS MATTWR I CANT BELOEBE IHURT HIS ACTUAL FEELINFA I AM SO STUPID WTF I AM AWFUL I WILL GO APOLOGIZE MORW NOW GOODBYE

it appears either jodi or jared are going tonight, and although they’re my allies, i selfishly don’t care. I’ll still be in the game, so that’s nice i suppose. I love jodi, but she’s paranoid and it’s a whole deal trying to work with her, if she got voted out i could maybe get some sleep every once in awhile. I love her to death, but frankly whatever happens tonight as long as it ain’t me I don’t really care. Hell, even if it is me, then whatever lol, I can get caught up on sleep then. Frankly this is where the game gets ugly, and i’m cool with staying out of the drama. it still sucks that josh hates me though, i genuinely like him, and i feel like he doesn’t want to be my friend beyond the game anymore. To me, i’m going to keep doing me. I’m gonna chill, i’m gonna relax, and i’ll play when i feel like it. My mental health is important, so even if i’m not playing as hard as others, it’s just a game. If i lose, i will not lose any sleep over it. 

DAMN last tribal really killed the vibes in the game. no one wants to talk. everyone is scared of stuff getting leaked or turning on people. BUT ON THE FLIP side that means everyone is flipping on everyone SOMEHOW amy managed to escape unscathed. They have NO idea she's in with us and with them. She's telling us everything. it's actually insane to watch her do it. Truly international superspy behavior.   We have our numbers and they have theirs. They made another majority alliance except they replaced me with Jay. Whatever, expected. its fine. I truly did not talk much to people before the challenge, I just laid back and let Amy gather information for us. The immunity challenge was absolutely crazy good for us. Elle winning immunity is perfect, and the fact they GAVE AMY the other immunity is also amazing, a testament to how much they do trust her. THEN THIS IS WHERE THINGS STARTED GETTING EXCITING so I still have my handy chaos idol. I was thinking about numbers and I came to the realization that we could get Jodi cirie'd out this tribal. Their side is splitting votes on Josh and I, and there's four of us. If we vote the other 4 people in that alliance and then play the chaos idol, it leaves Jodi the only one without a vote and she's automatically out. It was a huge risk but I brought this plan to Josh, Amy, and Elle. because of the touchy subjects it made me truly feel that I could trust my allies right now. I was voted "Who is your closest ally" and I'm almost certain it was those three that put me down. That means I can trust them with this plan. (I hope). Elle, however, brought up the very good point that Jodi might be idoled, it's very obvious for us to go after her. SO we also decided that we should leave no votes on Brayden and then theres a revote between the two. SO TLDR THE PLAN RN: play chaos idol and coordinate votes so there's a revote between Jodi and Brayden. Also we're telling everyone else our plan is to vote Jared, that way it's not too obvious we have shit up our sleeve. there is the prospect of them splitting the vote 3-3 and then we don't even need to use the chaos idol, we just have the numbers. The other option is they put all 6 votes on one person and then we do have to play it. Thats why its so good we have Amy as our inside source telling us everything that's going on with them. so yeah right now we're still playing it by ear. not a lot of people are online and available to we're just waiting to get it all sorted out. Updates soon! uwu

Hahahahaha omfg so after we yeeted out of last tribal and then elle used their idol apparently anastasia and jodi changed their vote to Babs so they still went home and we kept Colin's idol. We jumped back on the tribe call and it was only host Jay and Raffy left lol like we were ready for a tribe fight! But I think it turned out better because I am still getting all the info in the group. Touchy subjects was interesting and almost exposed us bc colin and jodi tied for closest allies lol which I'm sure it was like 3-3-whatever. But she said I'm the group maybe it was like 2-2-1s. So that's a relief. However. Everyone is being really quiet with me and our brayden - jodi - me alliance is silent. I'm concerned they think it is me who's leaking but from what I can tell jodi (and thus anastasia, brayden,jay, and jared automatically) believe it was elle who leaked the plan to vote colin. So idk how but I'm in the clear. I'm just waiting to be found out bc I'd be an easy vote out. BUT I think they believe I'm still with new himym because brayden chose to give me immunity in touchy subjects!! And elle got first out!! So we are both safe and the current plan for Jodi's group is to tell Colin josh and elle they are splitting but they will put all votes on josh so that colin flushes his idol. Except lol it's a chaos idol. And if that's the case colin wants me to vote him ☠️ but it actually keeps him safe so I'll do it. I would just hate for the chaos idol to be fake. I think I know where all remaining advantages are except the idol I think Jared has lol. So for the break down brayden has an idol he believes is real but is fake and he is not telling anyone in the group or jodi or me so as much as I like brayden I can't wait to see him play it and it's fake. Then Colin has Dennis's chaos idol and one more regular idol. I have the merge idol and a steal a vote. That leaves only jared's idol that we might be able to flush this go if they actually believe jared is the target from Josh elle colin. But if they don't we can leave votes off jared and jodi and we can vote out the unplayed idol or vote jodi out and her minions have to regroup. My biggest concern has been josh bc he really seems to not like me ☠️ and here I am risking it all to keep colin, elle, and josh in the game lol. So now colin elle and I have a three. Colin filled them in and they trust me. And we waited until josh calmed down bc he was really mad that I cut his rope in the challenge. Unfortunately I knew that he wasn't winning bc he's at the bottom, none of them were giving him immunity, and I needed to keep up the facade that I was with them 100% so I was guessing like everyone else on the most allies even though I knew it would be colin lol. So now colin has talked to Josh and josh knows about the chaos idol so I just hope he's 100% with us. Because if we play this right it's 4-4. And then I'm gonna have to reveal to them I have a steal a vote lol they might be upset I didn't tell them before but I've never said I didn't have anything (except to jodi whoops). Also now jodi is thinking worst case like wants me to say I'll vote out anastasia if it's a revote and also at 6. I was like "oh I'm a revote? I got you" as in if vote you out sorry girl. Listen I know I'm not winning and I know I'm not getting to the end because it would be stupid to take me at this point. I'm literally a double agent secret spy lol. However the entire jury WILL despise me but all I could hope is they respect the moves I made. But it seems like a lot of people in this game take things very personal so I really think it would be a completely bitter jury against me not that I'm getting there. I kind of don't want to use my steal a vote at 8 and hope they still think I'm with new himym because then we could simply idol where their vote is and I keep steal a vote for 6 and my idol for 5 and I'm golden lol 😂. And here I was gonna hard quit the game lol. I mean tbh they could just vote me here... Wait lol I'm immune jk thanks. Literally i think Babs is indifferent and dennis did like me but his vote would still go to colin. But if I was in f3 IMAGINE the story of have to tell lol and convince them all. It's the struggle of playing more behind the scenes but I really think someone is going to leave the info. I hope josh stays quiet until 7 when we should have numbers. Anyway all of this to say I wanted to play this game doing the absolute minimum and I'm spending hours and hours a day like copy pasting from the group to colin 😂 and now to our group. The problem is colin really believed jared when he said he'd flip and I was like colin no that's EXACTLY what he detailed he'd do in the group. And then Colin and josh were like wait anastasia and brayden may consider flipping and here I was like no y'all they are telling me / us they're saying that. Unless it's like a double play they are lying to you and that's their plan. All I can do is copy paste their exact messages and hope they believe me. I really do think they trust me bc I'm risking my life here. I just need to talk to Josh and explain the situation and I am with him not against him! Honestly this is such a great cast and they are playing very well. It'll be fun to see how it all works out. I don't think I'll be at the end but I would love to see underdogs take it. I would actually love josh elle and Colin at the end and I'd vote colin to win lol he put in work! I'd also vote anastasia to win because she has laid low so well with still having pull in the game. Idk it's a fun one that I think will blow up on me soon but I've been channeling Raffy's chaos and messy style bc I'm just here to have fun not to win actually lol. I am writing this while on a flight so I'll have updates later. Oh right our 4 group plan is to use the chaos idol and throw votes around so that like 2 or 3 people don't have votes then they are the only ones vulnerable in the revote and everyone who got votes is safe. Then we can vote either jared or jodi like that's the thing if jodi doesn't play an idol here I don't think she has one or no one is giving her one. I think my only chance to make it farther is to let the 4 group know I'm with them 100% but still keep my idol for myself hopefully until 6 or 5 but lol idk about that. Like I can see them wanting to take me out then. Okay that's all my thoughts right now.

https://youtu.be/ji7K8HkLmRY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=78Ru1J0iXYA&feature=youtu.be

https://youtu.be/rVRVR2zzkPc

https://youtu.be/PAjCL7-GWV

[😬 Not me completely forgetting to send this oops here i'll add a fun quote at the beginning] Jodi is Regina George, we are the schoolbus✨ Sooooooo Colin has a chaos idol how fun for him and tbh im kinda tired so here's the voting plan and the rest you can just kinda glean: Amy - Josh Elle - Colin Josh - Anastasia Colin - Jay ~~~

Edgic:

Power Ranking:

Amy: She has managed to escape suspicion from last round. Nobody believes her to be the rat leaking things to Colin. She is in the best position in this game right now being on all sides and having every single option open to her.

Colin: King of idols. King of chaos. He has it all locked down. Has capitalized on those the Jodi side has burned. Will continue to capitalize on it. The power struglle ends here.

Elle: Mostly just floating behind Colin’s shield which is what she should be doing atm.

Josh: If he stays out of people’s periphery, he can make it far. Might be dragged to end, but could make a great pitch for himself.

Jay: Ruined his position with multiple people last round. Is sort of in the middle? Sort of not? He is definitely aligned with Anastasia and Brayden who are protecting him.

Brayden: If he betrays Jodi, he will shoot up in this ranking. Needs to become a free agent instead of being locked into an alliance.

Anastasia: If she betrays Jodi, she will shoot up in this ranking. Needs to step away from Brayden and Jay who are clouding her good judgment. She is being iced from the other side.

Jared: I don’t know why he is going to use his idol on Jodi? His loyalty to her will be his downfall.

Jodi: Seems to have accepted being voted out this round. Seems to have backed herself into a corner based on her logic. Too worried about advantages to see the right path.