#also he's so pretentious sometimes about things and he really wants to go to tolkien tage. dude

[caramelstupid]

Uuuuugh a buddy of mine wants to read the lord of the rings in english (i think he got the german Version. He also has never managed to sit through a Single movie. Fuck off) (I got him a spotify link and the substack link!!!! Options!!! Free even!!!) But he kinda invited himself over to go get MY personal Edition and i didnt know how to say no and. Now he has my edition of lotr and i want it BACK do i just buy him one as a late christmas present. Like no sir thats my book qwq u will take forever to read it cause like u dont read. Give it back thats my 50 years special Hardcover U WONT EVEN APPRECIATE IT AAAAAAH. I never lend out books because people have a terrible track record and now someone has my favourite book and i HATE it but also. How do i get it back. And when. In a year????? How do i get it back without sounding like a complete asshole or toddler. Sir please learn to read social cues i was visibly UNHAPPY dont do that qwq

[thememcry]

-> Mun meme <-

Repost rather than reblog, thanks!

Basics

name (or preferred online name): kay, kerrigan. age: 30. birthday: february 24. country: usa. fluent in: english, sarcasm.

Writing details:

preferred genres/tropes/aus: horror, angst, psychological, thriller, dark genres in general, romance. disliked genres/tropes/aus: college life / school life stuff gets boring really fast. certain kinds of fluff are really boring (like ... fluffy scenarios where you have to write out like, a dinner scene between people. you don’t have to describe every forkful unless it has something to do with the rest of the reply). that kind of junk. and typically like ... pregnancy stuff, but only because it’s always a trope of itself. every plot bunny thing you see in the tags regarding pregnancy is always the same shit and that’s not fun? i don’t mind writing a muse being pregnant, etc but ... just --- it’s not a plot? it’s just something that happens? preferred writing styles: multiple paragraphs to novellas. one-liners usually lead nowhere, they’re good for crack but unless we’re planning on quickly branching that into something bigger, it kind of feels like a waste of time? also, as everyone else said, purple prose. a nice new word to describe things is great every so often but if you’re literally using the thesaurus on every other word then you should stop. you’re not tolkien, and even he was annoying with it sometimes. personal icon preferences (do you use them? do you prefer certain sizes? ect.): i do use them, but i have no issue with not using them. sometimes you just don’t have the resource available and that’s okay. i’m cool with any size but once you get below 100x100 it’s pointless. your 15x15 icon with 300 lines indenting it inward that has a psd relative to the kfc secret recipe is an eyesore, sorry to tell you. partners icon preferences (do you prefer your partners to have certain icon styles or not care?): again, i don’t really care. but if your icon is as above mentioned and i can’t even make out what it’s supposed to be ... then you’re just telling me you care more about aesthetic than writing and we’re probably not going to jive. a nice psd is fine but jfc if it’s so crispy or color-oriented that i can’t tell what’s in the icon, what’s the fucking point?? any other details about your writing preferences you want to include: when you format your post to have sub, sup, double small, 379 spaces and && of 200 different colors, it looks a bit pretentious. you do you, but if the formatting drops when i reply to you then ... that’s pretty great. easier for me to read. my eyesight is not getting any better in my old age.

Get to know me:

what fandoms do you consider yourself a part of, even outside of this blog?: honestly, anything? uh ... this is my first step into an actual fandom, before this i was strictly indie and before that i was always apart of group role plays. so most things? i’m in the process of setting up a multi muse so anything there that my muses are from? so uh ... silent hill, resident evil, harry potter, rainbow 6, star wars, diablo, the witcher, orphan black, dragon age, devil may cry, mass effect, the punisher, probably a lot more. what fandoms are you entirely uninterested in?: supernatural (the tv show), the vampire diaries and all 800 spin-offs, the riverdale & sabrina things, uhh ... stephen universe, rwby ... that kind of stuff. just doesn’t tickle my fancy. i like aspects of some of them (give me a good vampire au any day) but ... not the way those shows went about it. favourite foods: steak, as rare as humanly possible. soups, good pasta dishes. that sort of stuff. favourite drinks: tea, water, arnold palmer kind drink. hobbies: writing, video games, character development, sleep, being bad at art and photoshop. list ten things you want to do in the future: be healthy, get a place with my better half, finish school, get a job i actually like, be financially stable, get a cat. that’s it. i don’t have 4 more. what do you wish would change in the rp community?: just because you don’t like what someone is writing doesn’t mean it needs to be put in a callout post. if it’s not illegal or harmful to anyone, just go away and let them do it. i don’t want to read about why you dislike it. also anon hate. just stop. you’re acting like a child. unfollow / block the person and move on. let them do their thing. i see too many of my followers getting anon hate for stupid shit. like their lifestyle choices? dude, who the fuck cares how someone is ooc? let them be that and leave them alone. what does it concern you? what are some of the things you love about the rp community?: i’ve met some incredible people here. i met my best friend in a group rp like 8-9 years ago. i met some amazing people now. i cherish every single friendship i’ve made, for those who have dared get to know me. i wouldn’t trade that for anything. anything else you’d like to add?: my name is kay and this has been the disney channel.

[pentanguine]

Favorite Books of 2019

Half of this list is Terry Pratchett. That’s not hyperbole.

20. Night Watch, Terry Pratchett

Everyone adores this book, and while I certainly loved it, I think it may have been a bit overhyped for me. But this was the first Discworld book I read where I remember finding it heartbreaking--not just angry at injustice, but angry at the tragedy of injustice. 

19. The Truth, Terry Pratchett

Terry Pratchett writing a well-developed romantic arc?? It’s more likely than you think! I am also a sucker for philosophical questions like “What is The Truth?”

18. Small Gods, TP

I think chronologically, this is the first blisteringly angry Discworld book, where you suddenly realize how much fury is pent up in the satire. There’s a lot of futility and frustration in this story, but the ending is so simple and quiet and good.

17. Record of a Spaceborn Few, Becky Chambers

I find Chambers novels to be more like leisurely explorations than novels with a driving plot, and I could have happily explored this culture for days. Again, I’m a sucker for philosophical questions: What is the meaning of death? What purpose does culture serve even when it’s no longer practical? What makes a human society work?

16. In an Absent Dream, Seanan McGuire

I love this book’s style of focusing on small moments, and putting all the battles, quests, and conventional milestones of growing up off the page. This is a brutal read, but the brutality is in the terrible, everyday choices Lundy’s forced to make.

15. Monstrous Regiment, TP

Come for the cross-dressing, stay for the social commentary on war, nationalism, religion, and being an underdog of any stripe. Gender is bonus window-dressing.

14. The Wee Free Men, TP

I’ve realized that I love Pterry’s approach to kids’ books because he spends them deconstructing tropes, even the tropes of deconstructing tropes. Tiffany Aching is incisive and bookish, but also hard and selfish, and also sensible, and also strange...she’s like a real kid! A real person!

13. I Shall Wear Midnight, TP

Later-Pratchett often dispenses with the satire and goes straight for righteously angry social commentary, and this book packs a wallop. Stand your ground! “...change the present, so that when it becomes the past, it will turn out to be a past worth having!”

12. The Library Book, Susan Orlean

"Makes history come alive” is a cliche, but so true in this case. Even at its most drily factual, the book is gripping as it explore the rollicking past of American libraries and westward expansion, with some gorgeously poetic homages to stories and fire.

11. Lord of the Rings, J.R.R. Tolkien

If you’ve only watched the movie, which predictably focus on big, theatre-packing action sequences, I encourage you to read the books. They tell the story of ordinary people going through unimaginable horror, but also a delightful, bittersweet tale of undying friendship. [They’re also very racist. Tolkien, why.]

10. Jingo, TP

And this was the Discworld book where I felt like he really started to develop his characters as people. Almost a year later, my most vivid memory is of the hilarious friendship between Colon and Nobby.

9. Unseen Academicals, TP

Worth!! This book is brimming more of that glorious, cold, barely contained fury, and even though it’s not Pterry’s strongest writing, I adore it. Nutt and Glenda work together so well and make a perfect pair of unlikely badasses.

8. Going Postal, TP

My note for this book says “Moist is an inspiration and a riot,” and although I don’t remember why I found him inspiring, he is definitely a riot. Or maybe cleverly orchestrating one from behind the scenes.

7. The Argonauts, Maggie Nelson

This is a pretentious book about ideas. It’s dense, intellectual, packed full of high-brow culture, and honestly, sometimes kind of annoying. But the writing and the story are so rich, and her interpretation of queer motherhood is so original, that it’s almost impossible to put down. I’m also in love with language that talks about the impossibility of language. 

6. Thud!, TP

One of the things I love about Discworld is that it’s never easy. There’s none of this Shining White Warrior defeating the Evil Dark nonsense, just Sam Vimes, reading Where’s My Cow?, becoming more jaded and more determined to be a good man at the same time.

5. The Fifth Elephant, TP

I’ll be honest that I read this book almost a full year ago and don’t remember the nuances of why I loved it, but it was the first Discworld book that blew my mind. It made me jump around my room; it made me want to reread it immediately; it made me stay up until 1AM having passionate opinions about a man named Carrot.

4. Gender Queer: A Memoir, Maia Kobabe

This was probably my most anticipated book of the year, and it more than lived up to the expectation. I’ve been reading Maia’s comics for years, and they’re beautiful reflections on nonbinary experiences (and often on books, nature, and activism as well). I read eir memoir twice in two weeks, each time in one sitting, and it did make me cry.

3. Caroline’s Heart, Austin Chant

I am determined to make “Trans Western” an actual genre, and this is the jewel in the crown of the books I’ve read so far. It’s a gentle love story between a witch and a cowboy that’s also a devastating tale of grief, with excitingly original world-building. If you’ve never read Austin Chant, I encourage you to give him a try--he’s a wonderful writer.

2. Days Without End, Sebastian Barry

Days Without End is a good book to read when you’re Sad. The entire book feels like a slow, quiet elegy to some forgotten idyllic time, but who can say when that time was? The Wild West is full of cold, dirty, violent death, starvation, genocide, loneliness. There’s nothing to romanticize here, and yet somehow Barry has written an impossibly R/romantic book. Every sentence is slow, quiet, and poetic. Every moment, however horrific, feels like it’s drifting slowly through a strong spell of sunlight. I could try and describe the dreamy horror of this book for days and never come close to capturing what it does.

1. In the Dream House, Carmen Maria Machado

Everyone is raving about this book, and there’s a reason for that: it’s GENIUS. The structure of the book is genre-busting (or maybe genre deconstructing would be more accurate), and the writing is like poetry in that every word feels so deliberate and loaded with meaning. I took three pages of notes as I read and I’m not sure it was enough.

[sarumansorkorphanage]

It’s weird being on here again realy.

I don’t think I actually wanted to leave this plattform at any point.

One moment I just realised I had.

You see- I don’t really see myself as a tumblr person and this might be because I’m awefully biased against all of you guys without even really evaluating you.

I just asumed there were certain characteristics to a tumblr person- which I am sure the majority should have- amongst which you could find a certain level of narcissism (not the clinical form, you know, just higher levels on the personal trait-scale) and psychological issues. Or some really intense form of fandom. Or both.

So yeah- while that may or may not be true, these are the reasons why I didn’t want to be a tumblr person. I just didn’t feel I had any major psychological issues, maybe a certain tendency to fancy attention or something, but we’d all be sub-clinical on that, and my degree of fandom was in my humble opinion not worrysome at all.

So you see- no judgment whatsoever, I could even list a couple of good traits amongst which a high intellect, a certain degree of empathy and creativity (though this might be due to my filter bubble).

Now- rest assured- I did have nihilistic thoughts before and I didn’t have any suicide, self-loathing or self-harming fantasies. Not at all. So I don’t quite understand what I’m doing here, but the fact is my head seems rather troubeled and I need an outlet, so- I just felt I should come to a place where people would see me as a bit weird maybe, but most wouldn’t be either detrimental or judgmental. Even though they might be just mental.

(Yeah the pun just came and I won’t cut it because I feel it’s kinda cute.)

So- maybe it’s time to re-introduce myself. My name is- well, Saruman for you guys, sorry ^^, and I haven’t been on tumblr for about half a year or so- and actually I didn’t really plan on coming back, nor do I pan on staying now.

I am a fan of Tolkien’s work, you know- all that Lord-of-the-Ringish, Hobbity, Silmarillionesque stuff. I did use to write poetry in up to three different languages, some were good, some were bad and some I like or dislike depending on the mood, but I usually didn’t edit too much. Maybe out of a sense of self-importance and a weird grasp on creativity in art- or you can just call me lazy if you will, either will do and I’m sure I have hown all those tendencies at some point or another.

Why did I leave this place where you can get little haertsies for pouring out your sad emotions, your happy emotions or any form of emotion in any text there is, really? I don’t quite know. Honestly I like the concept, it’s utterly shallow, sure and I won’t become a great writer of you al support my lazyness and self-importance (which I actually don’t really want to), but it’s also profoundly human. It’s a little utopia. A little shire, if you want to come back to Hobbitses (and this is official Gollum-plural). This is beautiful.

All those fucked up souls and mental wrecks here, or at least those who pretend to be such get positive feedback in their actions- or even better, moral support. Which they probably can use better, for some of their striving s disturbingly detrimental and not going to help them in any manner.

If you were looking for reasons to leave, sure there would be plenty: This place is shallow and cringy at it’s core, full of pretentious little artists amongst whom I have counted myself and I can proudly say- I still am a pretentious little artsist from time to time. People here honestly think brainy is the new sexy and take a Tony Stark as an example. Yeah he plays a brainy arrogant prick, but he mostly is rich, that’s the sex appeal. Same for Loki, the Hiddleston guy.

And I know. I come just back here on this plattform, ranting a bit becaus eit feels good on short notice and actually I don’t contribute to harmony etc. right now.

Actually I might have said a few things which have seriously offended one or another person- if that is- anyone has read this bullshit text.

So why’d I come back? I’m not back in that sense. It’s a note in my journal, that’s what it is. And this is not an actual journal, it’s a metaphor for me leaving something here and probably never reading it again.

Am I a bitter person?

Well sometimes I am, yes, so have I observed. Though I do not think of myself as such. I used to be a positiv child, that is my belief and- what child is not positive at some point in its life? Most children have every reason to be positive about... things.

To the point:

Yesterday I looked at myself and realised- let me use another Tolkien metaphor here even though I am aware I have extended the privilege quite enough: I am not only not the young bright Arragorn I imagined myself becoming as a kid, but I am rather turning into a Gollum creature tacked back in the misty mountains cave off my room, with the one ring of Netflix and losing even the taste of good food. I haven’t eaten an apple in a long time! Though I had an avocado yesterday and a really good salad before that, so I think this is where the comparison might stop.

You know I did use to do martial arts- not to worry it was only for my own content- and I did get a rather appealingly shaped body, I wasn’t strong or ripped or anything gorgeous like them fitness guys bloating around like coqs (I’m fairly sure this is the French spelling, I can’t seemt tom remember the English one) on an animal farm. But I was in rather fine physical shape. And my body was... probably appealing. To some. Not the great majority, I wouldn’t go as far, but some.

And now I don’t du martial arts, I eat a lot less well than I used to- miracle- this isn’t my mom’s stove anymore so I cook when I had time and the grace to make an effort. And so my muscles are fairly thin, I lost about half my strength and it only shows a little bit, but I’m convinced in training I would soon come to realise my limits have shifted.

And that’s a bad thought.

And honestly i have two easy ways to feeling better: I could get out and do something for myself or I could get to work in here and - oh look, it’s raining, suddenly it’s more appealing to stay and studdy for university instead- but I get locked up in front of... books and series... and movies... so I don’t do shit in the end.

And at the same moment I feel this reticance... why do you care? why should I care? Couple thousand years ago and I’d have been living about half my life, so what’s the deal? And yeah, I’m 20 experiencing the pressure of puberty, feeling like I can look through the whole system including the ridiculous part that I play myself. And that’s the point.

I am hyper aware of my actions and their consequences, I am aware of other people’s actions, I am aware of a big chunk of modern society and I could now write you an essay about how to achiev in the system I live in. But I’m too lazy to care and I don’t feel like it.

So yeah- I am angry at myself. Probably. According to myself I am, so I must be right? And I know I don’t need to be. Same as...

Actually that’s a good point, I’m in puberty, I ddon’t like it, I write because I feel like I suck and I know I don’t or at least I don’t need to cause I could just walk out here and perform, but I can’t because... brains be brains, right?

And I don’t like people expecting me to do anything. And I don’t like competition either. I don’t like competing about grades, jobs, money, social status or female encounters. Which the last one I luckily don’t have to anymore, I just have to keep being myself, which I find a slightly more odd form of cometition because my competition is my self.

You know all those boys talking “Tell me about women?”. Ya, well tell me about boys. Tell me about myself. Seriously, I like when people try to get a grasp of me I used to like the part of myself, where you can’t stick me in a box, cause it’s like putting water in a basket.

“I shall remain freeee!” - And never seize my freedom because puberty forces me to take a harsh looka the manner in which I seize my oh so well accomplished freedom. Uhhh hate my brilliant brain (it’s just above average, not brilliant, my IQ is about 120, or was last I checked).

So this pittyful document of my puberty shall remain here until some company tries to get a grasp at me. Good luck trying guys ^^

No I seriously usually am a nice guy, I just don’t get a grip on myself lately, but even now I perform according to task. Or almost.

Should I check my spelling, because I just couldn’t have cared less while writing? Ahhh meh.

[buildarocketboys]

Books read in 2018

It's been a pretty good year for reading for me, and I actually kept a list of all the books I read, so I thought I'd make a list and write a mini review about each one. I've read 22 (and a half) books this year in full - this doesn't include any that I just started, or have read bits of.

1. When The Moon Was Ours by Anna-Marie McLemore

Magical realism + gay and trans characters! Pretty great although I wouldn't necessarily read it again. Mostly read in lunchtimes at work.

2-4. LOTR trilogy by J R R Tolkien (started somewhere between 17 and 29 March) (first book finished 4 April) (finished 30 May)

Dates on this one as I spent most of the first half of the year reading the Lord of the Rings. The Fellowship of the Ring was almost certainly my favourite, got a bit bored towards end of Two Towers/start of Return of the King, and the long descriptions and battles (and long descriptions OF battles) are something I generally prefer to do without. But they're really good books with a lot of cool (and gay!) stuff in them, and though the films don't include everything from them, they're pretty damn good adaptations. (I only wish the films had kept Beregond).

5. The Inescapable Logic of My Life by Benjamin Alire Sáenz

By the author of Aristotle and Dante, I actually can't remember much of this book, I remember it being pretty good though. It may have made me cry?

6. Cloudbusting by Malorie Blackman (REREAD)

Easily the shortest book here, this book used to make me cry. It's a simple story told through different types of poetry, but it's so beautifully done. Didn't make me cry this time sadly, but still good. Read it sitting by the river taking a break from working on a job application.

7. Nation by Terry Pratchett (REREAD)

I reread this pretty much every year (I found myself a few weeks back wanting to reread it again) and it's brilliant every time, enough said. Think this is the only Pratchett novel I've read this year, which is a shame. Thoroughly recommend it though, even though it's not part of Discworld.

8. And The Mountains Echoed by Khaled Hosseini

Bought this from a stall in Bristol, at the time it was the only one of his I hadn't read. It was one of those novels I just ploughed through, really quickly. Really good, really sad (and a gay character where you least expected it).

9. Wicked by Gregory Maguire

Borrowed this from my girlfriend after having seen the musical in May. The book is...really weird, but really good. A lot more of an obvious dystopia than the musical is, right from the get go pretty much and Elphaba is an icon - grumpy, traumatised, irritable, angry, hopeful, guilty, revolutionary. I love her. Oh, and her and Glinda are still really gay.

10. Harry and the Wrinklies by Alan Temperley (REREAD)

Now we come to the books I reread in August when I had some time off work. Harry gets orphaned and is sent to live with his elderly relatives and their elderly friends (hence the title). Little does he know, they're all ex-cons and pretty much modern day Robin Hoods. Also, badass. Still a great book, even if it's technically for kids. I need to reread the sequels sometime.

11. Maximum Ride by James Patterson (REREAD)

Edgy as fuck but I still kind of love it. Ngl the younger kids and Iggy are a lot more fun than Max and Fang though.

12. The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger (REREAD)

This one I reread every couple of years or so. One of my favourites, the way the non-chronological (by design and necessity) plots works so well, in both building and retaining suspense, the prose is beautiful (if a little pretentious at times), the characters are...mostly kind of dicks, but in a real, multifaceted kind of way. I kind of love all the references to various books/authors/bands, even if it is kind of pretentious. I discovered Rilke through this book. Jeder Engel ist schrecklich.

13. Simon vs The Homo Sapiens Agenda by Becky Albertalli

Read this a little while after seeing the film. Obviously they changed a fair amount, but I love them both. Really easy to read in about a day.

14. Leah on the Offbeat by Becky Albertalli

Read this on the same weekend as Simon. Loved it a LOT. I relate to both Leah and Abby a whole lot and it just felt so real to the experience of being a (bi) teenage girl. Wish there'd been a bit more to the ending maybe? But maybe that's just me being greedy. Still trying to persuade @judasisgayriot to read it. This might well be my book of the year.

15. Vox by Christina Dalcher

After I finished Leah on the Offbeat I was looking for something else to read. Picked this up in Waterstones because it sounded like an interesting concept for a dystopia (women are only allowed to say 100 words a day - if they say more, they get electrocuted by a bracelet attached to their wrist). The main character is white, straight and middle class, so that's definitely the majority of the experience we get to see, but there is some examination of being gay and/or a poc in this dystopian culture. Overall an interesting examination on how language can be used as a weapon, and to control people. A Handmaid's Tale with a difference and (spoiler!) a happy ending.

16. The Upside of Unrequited by Becky Albertalli

I didn't get/read this one at the same time as Leah and Simon because I was put off by how het it sounded, lol. The main character is straight (afaik) but it's still a pretty great book and she's pretty relatable.

17. My Mum Tracy Beaker by Jacqueline Wilson

Tracy Beaker all grown up! As told through the eyes of her (much quieter and less troublesome) daughter. Pretty great and interesting to see Tracy all grown up but still very much Tracy. Lots of drama and Justine Littlewood ruining everything as usual. Complete with an implausible happy ending (but it's great anyway, and tbh we all need those sometimes). Also, Cam is a #confirmed lesbian.

18. The Book Thief by Markus Zusak (REREAD)

I'm not sure how many times I've reread The Book Thief now, but it must have been at least ten. I reread it at least every year but often it's been more than that. Still amazing, obviously, but I dunno, I didn't feel as into it this time? I didn't cry (for the first time ever!) while reading it, although that might have been because I read it at work. Mostly I was reading it to prepare for Zusak's new book, which I got for Christmas.

19. Holes by Louis Sachar (REREAD)

First time I've reread this since high school, and it's still brilliant. 'Nuff said.

20. The Bi-ble: An Anthology of Personal Narratives and Essays about Bisexuality edited by Lauren Nickodemus and Ellen Desmond

Bought this from Gay's The Word when I was in London back in May, only got round to reading it in December. Some really good stuff in here, I related hard to a lot of it (and not so much to other parts). Recommended reading for anyone who's bi or wants to understand more about bisexuality.

21. Call of the Wild by Guy Grieve

I picked this up on a whim from my pile of unread books because I wanted something to read before I got new books for Christmas. (Unfortunately, despite my best efforts, I only finished it on Boxing Day). Really interesting, I'm so fascinated by life in very cold, harsh, unforgiving places (only partly because of the wolves) and this was a really interesting true story of how a guy (called Guy) from Scotland manages to build his own cabin and live out in the wild of the Alaskan Interior through the Winter.

22. Combat Magicks by Steve Cole

A Doctor Who novel (the first of three I got for Christmas!) and the last book I read in its entirety in 2018. At the site of a battle between the Romans and the Huns (which is why I chose it first, sounded really cool), so-called "witches" manipulate everything both sides do. Surprise! They're aliens. The Doctor calls Yaz her bestie a lot and it's adorable. Ryan gets a girlfriend who stans the Doctor (she's basically part of Roman Torchwood and she's awesome). Graham has a bath with a witch (well, nearly).

Currently reading:

Eat Up! by Ruby Tandoh

I'm about half way through this, so it doesn't quite count as a book I read in 2018, but I thought I should include it. Anti-diet culture, embracing food for what it is, everything it is, while examining the different things (gender, race, class) that affect our relationship with food.

[maychorian]

Get to Know the Author

Tagged by @eastofthemoon. Thank you!

1. How did you come up with your username and what does it mean?

“Maychoria” was the name of the main country in the fantasy novel I wrote when I was thirteen and fourteen. It means “happy land,” based on two words I found in a Greek dictionary we had in the house. So “Maychorian” basically means “inhabitant of the happy land.”

2. Which fanfic of yours has the most feedback? (bookmarks/subscriptions/hits/kudos).

On AO3, A Split-Second of Violence still has the most views and kudos and bookmarks, over 46k hits and almost 2500 kudos and 762 bookmarks. The first and second Boom Crash stories combined beat it, though, and Sell Me Your Nightmares beats it for comment threads. Over all platforms, I’m pretty sure my most famous fic ever is still Entertaining Angels, a deaged Castiel fic I wrote at the cusp of Supernatural fandom, just as Castiel was starting to get popular. I  happened to write that story at the exact right time, in the mid-season break when everyone was hungry for more of the intriguing character we’d just been introduced to, and cute deaged angel boy trying to help Sam and Dean with their respective traumas was bound to be a hit no matter who wrote it. Plus I gave him pneumonia. It’s a thing I do.

3. What is your AO3 profile icon, and why did you choose it?

Same as my current tumblr icon. Cuz Lance has the best expressions and he’s the cutest and the best.

4. Do you have any regular/favourite commenters?

I do, and I love them and appreciate them so, so much. If you comment on a lot of my fics and/or chapters, you’d better believe I notice, and I love you, even if I don’t respond.

5. Is there a fanfic that you keep going back to read again and again?

Basically anything in this tag: https://maychorianrecs.tumblr.com/tagged/personal-favorite.

6. How many stories are you subscribed to? How many do you have bookmarked?

Oh, golly. My work subscriptions at AO3 is currently at fifteen pages. A lot of those are completed or abandoned, though. No idea how many fics and authors I’m still subscribed to on ff.n, mostly in dead fandoms. I have 80 bookmarks on AO3 at the moment, but that is not an accurate representation of the fics I like and recommend others read. That would be @maychorianrecs, which currently has 681 posts and isn’t even complete even for the Voltron fandom, let alone the other fandoms I read now or have read in the past.

7. Which AU do you find yourself writing the most?

The Dream Seam ‘verse is definitely the one that owns the largest part of my brain right now, but I’m also looking forward to getting back to my DnD AU once I finish my current big projects. I tend to write more canon-divergence AUs than alternate realities, in most cases. I like exploring how things can differ across time if one small (or large) change is made in the setting we know and love. Like what if Castiel went back in time and ended up as Sam and Dean’s older brother? Love that one.

8. How many people are subscribed and bookmarked to you in total? (you can view this on the stats page)

User Subscriptions: 617 Kudos: 27064 Comment Threads: 5019 Bookmarks: 5631 Subscriptions: 2713 Word Count: 1169905 Hits: 325489

That’s insane, and it’s only in the last three or four years, since I didn’t really start using AO3 until mid-2014. I have a lot more before that on ff.n and other sites.

9. Is there something you’d like to write about but are afraid of people judging you for it? (Feeling brave? If so, share it!)

If there’s something I want to write and share, I will find a way.

10. Is there anything you would like to be better at? Writing certain scenes or genres, replying to comments, updating better, etc.

I wish I was better at action. It always takes me a lot time to sort of choreograph it in my head and then describe it in a way that makes sense. I also need to work on writing believable romance, since I want to eventually write more mainstream fiction, and it’s pretty normal for characters to have romances. I can’t just write everyone as being aro/ace or siblings, though I kind of want to. I wish I wasn’t such a procrastinator and had more energy to spare on responding to comments, because I really do love them and appreciate them.

11. Do you write rarepairs or popular ships more often?

Only if you count gen as a rarepair, which it kind of is. Otherwise, no ships for me, ever. I tried it. Didn’t much like it.

12. How many stories have you posted on AO3 to this day (finished and unfinished)?

70. Some of them are reposts. Eventually I need to get all of my fics over to AO3. It’s definitely the superior platform nowadays.

13. How many stories do you have saved in/with your writing program?

Unposted? Mm, more than five, less than a dozen. I tend to post things as soon as I’m halfway satisfied, because I crave that sweet, sweet feedback.

14. Do you write down story ideas, or just keep them in your head?

They’re mostly up in my head. If it changes by the time I start to write it, that’s fine. And if I forget an idea, a new one will come along sooner or later. I write in the now.

15. Have you ever co-authored a story?

Yes, a few times, most recently with ardett for Sewing Patches. It was a great experience.

16. How did you discover AO3?

Back when it was just getting started, I got an invite to the beta from an LJ friend. It wasn’t until years later that I got into sports anime fandom and decided I wanted to start using it, so I searched my email to find that years-old invite and used it.

17. Do you consider yourself to be a popular or famous author in your fandom(s) on AO3?

I’m well-known in the gen corner of my fandom, which is not the same thing as being a BNF in the fandom as a whole. I have no doubt that 99% of Klance fans have no idea who I am, and Klance basically IS the Voltron fandom, much to my annoyance. But I’m fine with the way things are. I interact with cool people all the time and get to show them awesome stuff and get nice feedback when I post fics, and that’s what I want.

18. Do you have a nickname or fandom name for your readers?

Nah. That seems kind of pretentious and arrogant.

19. Was there an author who inspired or encouraged you to write?

I’ve wanted to write since before I knew how to read, as far back as I can remember. As soon as I understand that those scribbles on a page meant something and told stories, I wanted to tell my own. Certainly in my teenage years I was very inspired by the fantasy and science fiction authors I adored, like Tolkien, Lewis, MacDonald, Orson Scott Card, Stephen King, Tamora Pierce, etc. I have been encouraged along the way by many, many fellow writers, as well. But as far as an instigating person at the very beginning, I can’t think of one. I just always knew that this was what I wanted to do with my life.

20. What writing advice would you give to a beginning author?

Just do it. Post it if you’re brave, keep it to yourself if you’re not. Make yourself happy first. Find one person who will read and enjoy your stuff, otherwise it will get stale writing only for yourself. But first and foremost, stoke the fire in your own belly until you have no choice but to use it, to let it fly from your fingers in words and paragraphs. Once you start, keep going, even when the fire burns low. Discipline is more important than inspiration in the long term, but inspiration is how you start.

21. Do you plot out your stories, or do you just figure it out as you go?

Mostly the latter. I’ve written from outlines in the past, and I sometimes do extensive freewriting before I start something to give myself some semblance of structure, but working from a strict outline isn’t really fun for me. I’d much rather  discover the story as I go. I subscribe to the Stephen King school of writing, the idea that a story is a boulder you dig up with a lot of hard work and exploring. Granted, that doesn’t always work perfectly, and it can lead to stories that are overlong and oddly structured or dissatisfying, but that’s a risk I’m willing to take in order to enjoy the process as much as possible.

22. Have you ever gotten a bad comment on a story? If so, what did you do?

Occasionally, mostly not on AO3. My feedback there is by and large very kind and enthusiastic. Every once in a while I’ll get a weird comment on ff.n complaining about some choice I made or chastising me for not doing what they wanted or expected with the story. Mostly I just laugh and let them go, though they used to bother me a lot. Once in a while they’ll make a solid point, and I’ll think about it, and maybe change the story a bit to satisfy the issue that’s bothering me, not for their satisfaction but for my own. That’s exceedingly rare, though. I think I’ve done it twice.

23. Is there a certain type of scene that you have a hard time writing? (action, smut, etc..)

Action is hard, yes. Dialogue and emotional scenes come easily, so naturally that’s the bulk of my stuff.

24. What story(s) are you working on now?

My ongoing series and stories are all currently in posting. I have some ideas on the backburner that I haven’t started working on yet, but I’m not the kind of writer who finishes a project before posting, so there’s nothing going on that my readers don’t already know about.

25. Do you plan your next project(s) before you finish your current ongoing story(s)?

Often as I’m finishing up a long project my mind will already be working on what’s next, yes. Not really planning so much as just daydreaming and working out scenarios in my head, but I do like that I never run out of things to do.

26. Do you have a daily writing goal set for yourself?

I try to write at least 750 words every day. Not always fiction, though, sometimes it’s freewriting or a diary entry. This post will probably be my writing for today. 

27. Do you think you’ve improved as a writer since you first started?

Indubitably, since for the very first story I wrote I asked my mom how to spell the word “fan.” I was five.

28. What is your favorite story that you’ve written?

Oof, that’s hard. In Voltron, probably Bury the Sun. I keep going back and re-reading that one. It just…hits my buttons. On purpose. I did that. In all of my fandoms ever, probably Coming Down on a Sunny Day. It came together in an extremely satisfying way, and I’m very proud of it, even though the last part never got very much feedback since the fandom had moved on by the time I wrote and posted it.

29. What is your least favorite story that you’ve written?

I started writing an original fantasy fiction called Cat by Night with the idea of posting it on Amazon and making money with it. But I started it out in very YA fashion with an incipient romance, and it just bored me to tears. I hated it. I couldn’t do it. Romance is not for me.

30. Where do you see yourself (as a writer) in 5 years?

I would love to develop my original fiction and discipline myself enough to actually start publishing stuff on Amazon and eventually make enough money to live on, maybe with the help of Patreon. RIght now, though, fanfiction takes up all my creative energy, and I don’t know how I would justify making a living off that.

31. What is the easiest thing about writing?

Making characters cuddle.

32. What is the hardest thing about writing?

Getting characters to the point where the cuddling makes sense and feels in character.

33. Why do you write?

For the sake of the cuddles, mostly. Also because I can’t imagine not writing.

No tagging today because I’m exhausted, but feel free if you want to do this. 

[metal-sparrow-archives]

// I know I don’t reblog quotes of writers a lot, but honestly now I feel like I should give a mention to literature names that are important for me.

Well, it might be bit longer. I need to vent, elaborate and point few things about Genji portrayal. Because I find rping a very specific writing, often a work of quality as well. Maybe except cracks, those don’t differ from the everyday way of talk, do they…

Yes, the stupid meme bugs me now a lot. Because I know my writting isn’t alike to Mrs Meyer and I aim for completely different goals with it. Maybe she increased her skills since Twilight, but we’re all gonna remember her as Twilight author forever. And that wasn’t a good piece. I read those as a teen and I remember that Bella’s dilemmas, loneliness and shallowness just kept me getting bored. I read it for cheesy romance and drama, but I’d love it to have more action and down to earth parts even back then. But ok, we all know how Twilight was, let’s leave it here.

My biggest writing authority, who I still mourn after, is sir Terry Pratchett. Must admit, waiting for the action in his books can be tiring, but I love how observant he was, how he adapted the real world to the Disc World and put light on things in life we don’t usually pay attention to. His books are full of sarcastic but brilliant humour, impressive creativity, pinpointing observations and real deep wisdom. Narrative is hilarious, reading some I couldn’t help laughing out loud, and I’m not a person to make noise if not making fun with friends, so definitely while reading.

Of course I grew up loving dearly J. R. R. Tolkien‘s works. My memory isn’t as good as I would like it to be, but even after years I remember touching story of end of Beleg, dearest friend of Turin. Those were stories that built some of my morals. Moreover, I will never cease being impressed by how Tolkien made friends with an atheist, C. S. Lewis, who after years of their disputes wrote Tales of Narnia. How strong must his personality be, that sir Lewis created so biblical world, full of hope and almost radiating lessons on how Christianity should be, despite what we are given by media. Well, not digging into religion, which is presonally very important to me, both men created books that are still masterpieces of fantasy. Books that shaped how the genre evolved.

There are many many wirters I can point as kind of goals. So let’s mention at least also: Harlan Coben for twisting action you can’t get eyes off, humour and lively characters that give his writting so much enjoyable colours. Lian Hearn for mixing fantasy with history so well, I will always recommend her Ootori Tales to everyone searching for a good feudal Japan themed reasing. I cried a lot, it gave so much emotions. E. E. Schmitt for deconstructing complicated emotions and analizing how complex can be something we see as simple. How humans can turn and change on smallest events, because our feeling are more than we usually think. All layered in poetry-like writting. Many of his works seem flat and pretentious, but there are true gems between those, trust me.

Numerous Polish writers of many different things, like: Andrzej Sapkowski (author or Witcher), Adam Mickiewicz (poetry. Guy was really witty, though his poems were rather sloppy - he made a good living of it), Andrzej Pilipiuk (every series of his is completely different), Jarosław Grzędowicz (wrote Lord of the Ice Garden if I translated the title well), and many many others. They had their insfluence on my writting taste as well. I can go on and on about good and bad books, and list authors I want to read but haven’t tried yet.

Now to my writting… As you probably noticed I prefer witty, but down to earth stuff. I like to play with character’s emotions, dig deep down in their minds and souls. I love discovering layers and seeing how those change. I like contrasts, solid logic, plot twists (sometimes I have planned twist for a two replies further… But I LOVE when my plans crush down because you had your plans and they collide), interesting plot that you can’t get mind off, humour and creativity, all seasoned with tiny, possible in life, bits of absurd.

Which given, please don’t judge Genji as idiot. Your character has all the rights to keep such opinion on him, of course. I keep the distance and laugh freely at at the silly stuff he does and how he behaves too, but please remember that he’s more complex than cracks stuff and shenanigans. I try to portray him as someone who can afford being silly, after finally overcoming all the traumas. Someone who accepted how life flows and doesn’t try to hold tight it to his expectations anymore. Yes, he does stupid shit, he makes mistakes, he can be reckless, impulsive, was playful since forever, doesn’t tend to think everything through before acting… but don’t treat him as a comic relief, please.

With all my good will, this one makes me feel like I fail on writting his portrayal like I would like to show him.

[overly-critical-gamers]

Dreaming Spires 

Wow. Okay, so I’m a fan of games with interesting and unique themes. Ideally, when a designer explores uncharted thematic territory, they’ll also be inspired to come up with intriguing mechanics to match and hopefully those mechanics make sense with the attached theme.

But sometimes you get a game like Dreaming Spires.

Here, players will be building colleges that make up the University of Oxford. They do this by placing tiles with buildings and partial icons on them and then attracting scholars to their college that match the icons when completed. The scholars provide you with unique abilities that aid you in your quest to bring prestige to your university.

On your turn, you get four actions to choose from and you get four action points to spend. You can draw a coin from the money bag: coins randomly have a value from one to three. You can purchase and place a new building in your campus: some buildings are free (typically the ones with whole icons on them cost more) and buildings are color-coded and must be placed next to a building with a matching color (though partial icons don’t have to match up). You can admit a scholar if you have the necessary completed icons to attract them to your college. You can use a scholar for his special ability OR use the scholar to boost your reputation in a subject or two.

The game is divided up into four eras (unused scholars leave at the end of each era, presumably because they died) and there are events that come up twice per era. An event can trigger one of four types of bidding, which is frankly something I don’t think I’ve seen in any other game, and the reward you get for winning the bid depends on the card. You could have a standard auction where players just go around the table bidding until all but one player passes. You could have a silent auction where everyone puts money in a closed fist and reveals simultaneously (in that case you could have a tie and everyone who ties gets the reward). You could have a Dutch auction where the player who holds the Chancellor’s Mace (we’ll come back to that) starts counting down from 12 and all players (including the player doing the counting down) have an opportunity to state their claim to a bid when the countdown reaches whatever number they want to bid. You could have a “Contribution”, which is like the silent auction except all money bid will go to the supply regardless of who wins, 1st and 2nd place both get the reward, ties also get rewarded unless two players tie for first in which case there’s no 2nd place reward.

So what is the reward? In most cases, it’s reputation of some kind, which is tracked on a grid with cubes. This is a sort of area control system that you’ll use to score points at the end of each era. The grid expands to involve more opportunities for scoring as the game progresses (you only score grey boxes after the first era, then you’ll score grey and yellow ones at the end of the second, then you’ll also score red, then you’ll also score blue). The main concept behind the reputation scoring seems to be that you want to get your college involved in multiple subjects so that you’ll be in the running for more potential scoring.

I think the first big issue with this game is its unique theme. Everything about it just feels pretentious. I carried this around with me to multiple game nights trying to convince people to play it and nobody wanted to have anything to do with a game about “experiencing Oxford”. I get that not every game is going to fit every group, but this one in particular feels like it’s aiming at a niche audience.

Second issue is presentation. The game is overwhelmingly beige. All of the palette choices are subdued (except the player cubes and the benefit icons I suppose) and this only adds to the difficulty that comes with trying to get people excited about playing. The art on the tiles is not compelling and that’s a shame because I think it could be neat to have this bird’s eye view of a campus that you build up over multiple eras and it could be fulfilling to see what it grows into and compare it to other colleges at the table. Instead, the tiles’ art is very washed out in order to place an emphasis on the color-coded nature of the tiles and the partial icons that you need to match up. The scholar artwork is actually a strong point here - I guess I could see someone being excited about recruiting Tolkien or John Donne and seeing a picture of that individual and reading a little quote from them on the card. Also, and I get that this is nitpicky, but all of the cards have a dark spot on the back to the lower right of the big S. It’s an obvious blemish and somebody should have caught that when sending the files out to print.

Third issue is...gameplay. The things you’re doing aren’t all that complicated here, but the mechanisms used to achieve your goals are cumbersome if not just outright poorly planned. Let’s talk about one of the worst things: coins. Whenever you draw coins from the bag (even during set up), you get a random amount. This means that one player could start the game with $4 and another could start with $12. The player with $12 could by sheer luck draw only 3 value coins the whole game and the other player could draw only ones. Guess what? The guy who draws only ones is going to lose, not out of poor strategy, but just because money is random. That sucks. It’s just a bad system. The game wants you to keep your money secret and find ways to bluff others out I guess, but since you need money to either buy buildings or bid in all those auctions, if you always have less money than someone else, you will not do well against them.

The auctions...I’m fascinated by the implementation here actually. Most games would just say “you have an auction and the winner gets this thing”, but this game asks you to explain four different kinds of auctions to the players and cycle between them. I had never heard of a “Dutch Auction” before, but I think it’s a neat approach to bidding and I wouldn’t mind seeing more of that in other games. But the four different kinds of auctions all in one structure lead to confusion each time I brought this to the table.

And then there’s scoring. I’ll be honest in that I’m still not sure I did scoring right in any of my games. It’s more complicated than it needs to be and I’m also pretty sure it heavily benefits someone who takes an early lead because they get rewarded with free money AND they get points. Even if there’s some special nuance to the scoring mechanic that I didn’t pick up on, it really bogs down the flow of the game to stop after taking eight actions and consult a chart to see who has the most of each type of symbol in their campus at that time. And the matching of pieces of symbols on tiles to build reputation is another mechanism that just doesn’t make any sense thematically. Tolkien decided to come teach at your college because you have six gardens and two church towers? Even if you call the symbols by what the game refers to them as, it’s saying he’s attracted to your school because you have two units of status and two units of beauty. Huh? Wouldn’t it be better if he wanted to come teach at your prestigious university because you have the best literary department or something relevant to his background?

Most everything about this game is subpar and clunky. I think there’s a chance that a group of English majors might get together and get a kick out of seeing their favorite historical authors in the game and trying to build a school worthy of those lofty figures so they’ll come teach on their grounds. I did however find that usually nobody was particularly fascinated with those characters, potentially because the rest of the game was so awkward that it’s hard to be excited about much of anything involved here...except getting control of the Chancellor’s Mace, which is a literal tiny mace.

I really don’t think I can recommend this to anyone. Even if you come up with house rules that circumnavigate some of the glaring issues, the presentation is still going to be lackluster. I repeatedly had people get through the first era and refuse to continue and I think that speaks volumes whenever something like that happens with multiple groups.

3.5 out of 10.

- Sean

[stevefeythewriter]

If Only . . .

New Post has been published on http://stevefey.com/LivefromLV/2018/08/22/if-only/

If Only . . .

Miss Atomic Bomb, from sometime in the fifties. They used to stand on downtown rooftops to watch the bombs go off. True story.

If only I weren’t more concerned with telling stories than politics, I could have a wonderful time ranting here, and on Facebook and Twitter, about, well, you can probably figure out what about. But I don’t rant, at least not very often. What I do is keep writing my stories. I don’t put any overt politics into my work, but you just know that whatever it is I believe will come out. I’m the one writing, so I’m the one who will end up on the page, no matter what I write, for what audience, or in which genre. It’s all me, folks.

Tolkien and Lewis used to argue about this sort of thing. Tolkien thought that works like The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe were too “on the nose.” And, given the relative success of his stories versus Lewis’s, maybe he had a point. But my point is that Lewis was himself and what he wrote reflected his own beliefs, and the world that he lived in. Tolkien also put in a lot of linguistic material that, to me, distracts from the main narrative. And, as my son says, a whole lot of “elvish poetry that I skip over.” Indeed. I have no interest in what the elves are singing about unless it tells me what’s happing with Frodo and Sam. Lewis, on the other hand, leaves out all the stuff that doesn’t need to be there. Technically, I think that C.S. Lewis is the better writer. And, yes, I can see the Christian influence on both Authors’ works. So what? That’s what they both were, so that’s what came out.

I was raised to be a Christian, so maybe you’ll even find a smidgen of that in what I write. More likely, though, you won’t, because I gave that up at the age of thirteen. I could rant about that, too, but I won’t. If you want to know what I do believe, I suggest that you read my fiction, when it’s available, or just go back over my posts on this blog. It’s all in there, folks. I wrote it all, so I’m in it all.

Which brings me to the main thing I’m trying to say. What you really are will come out in your writing, no matter how you try to disguise it. The only way to ever succeed, then, is to be true to yourself, and to be your own writer, your own artist, your own muse. If you try anything else, you will come across as phony and pretentious, and nobody ever buys phony and pretentious fiction. Politics, maybe, but that’s another rant.

🙂