#i cant organize shit for u
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Uuuuugh a buddy of mine wants to read the lord of the rings in english (i think he got the german Version. He also has never managed to sit through a Single movie. Fuck off) (I got him a spotify link and the substack link!!!! Options!!! Free even!!!) But he kinda invited himself over to go get MY personal Edition and i didnt know how to say no and. Now he has my edition of lotr and i want it BACK do i just buy him one as a late christmas present. Like no sir thats my book qwq u will take forever to read it cause like u dont read. Give it back thats my 50 years special Hardcover U WONT EVEN APPRECIATE IT AAAAAAH. I never lend out books because people have a terrible track record and now someone has my favourite book and i HATE it but also. How do i get it back. And when. In a year????? How do i get it back without sounding like a complete asshole or toddler. Sir please learn to read social cues i was visibly UNHAPPY dont do that qwq
#also he's so pretentious sometimes about things and he really wants to go to tolkien tage. dude#get ur own tickets please i cant organize shit for u stop steamrolling me all the time#its nice that u want to help#BUT I DONT WANT UR HELP UR JUST MAKING MORE WORK FOR ME FUCK OFF AT THIS POINT I DONT WANT U HERE!!!!!#give me back my book and go read it online or as an audio book#i dont care#i cant organize shit for u#i can barely organize my own shit#i cant get u into the event i barely have connections#im just an artist#yeah i made the art for this year#BUT THATS IT#STOP TRYING TO GET FREE SHIT I DONT KNOW HOW TO GET FREE SHIT I DONT WANT U TO GET FREE SHIT#aaaaaah#lotr#help how do u tell friends that its nice they want to help but rn theyre just making work for u when they wont listen#WE ALREADY TRIED TO TELL HIM SO MANY TIMES#aaaaaaaah#fuck me fuck him i'm done
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noah kahan really said growing up in a small, bitter hometown is about the rage and the hatred that's been sung about many times before but it's also about love and devotion and the 'all three of us were drowning and we didn't know how to save each other but there was an understanding that we were all drowning together' of it all and knowing people so intimately yet not being able to help anyone and he's morally grey at best in a lot of his songs and objectively the bad guy in others and that's just how it is and it's about substance abuse and normalised crime and teen suicide and country roads and failed exams and leaving and being left and love and hate and love and hate and love and
#anyway. listening to orange juice again. like it's my fault#girls when growing sideways and view between villages and northern attitude and homesick and stick season come on#like new england must actually be called that for a reason bc you cant convince me this guy isnt actually secretly singing about england#like even when he sings about the WEATHER im like !!! this guy gets it fr!!!#IM TIRED OF DIRT ROADS NAMED AFTER HIGH SCHOOL FRIEND'S GRANDFATHERS AND MOTHERFUCKERS HERE DONT KNOW#THEY CAUGHT THE BOSTON BOMBERS TIME MOVES SO DAMN SLOW I SWEAR I FEEL MY ORGANS FAILING I STOPPED CARING ABOUT A MONTH AGO#SINCE IT'S BEEN SMOOTH SAILING I WOULD LEAVE IF ONLY I COULD FIND A REASON IM MEAN BECAUSE I GREW UP IN NEW ENGLAND!!!#or the entirety of growing sideways. divvied up my anger into 30 seperate parts keep the bad shit in my liver and the rest around my heart#r u even listening. what the hell#HONEY COME OVEERRRRRR THE PARTY'S GONE SLOWERRR AND NO ONE WILL TEMPT YOU WE KNOW YOUVE GONE SOBER <- sobbing#noah kahan#stick season
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"my education is my highest priority" everything returns to vocaloid
#delete later#shitpost#vocaloid#?? idk i might keep it up. yes ik turning off rbs is a thing now technically but i always keep forgetting and also naaaah.#i might go edit proper tags in later just bc i dont this to show up in main pages but i needdddddd the organization on here#i made this a while back procrastinating on a linguistics reading and then never posted it#AND THE CIRCLE IS COMPLETE BC IM POSTING IT NOW WHILE PROCRASTINATING ON ANOTHER LINGUISTICS READING LMAOO#dudeee i gotta lock in. oh my god. its so bad up in here triple assault. i cant focus on SHIT. WHY DO I ALWAYS GET IDEAS WHEN IM BUSY AHGHH#this might be revealing a bit too much info but pls this is legit what happened LMAOO 😭🥴#we're starting ipa alphabet stuff now and im like 'hey i already know you...' from phoneme fuckery ive had to do for voca shitposts#knowing linguistics is cool cause u get to dissect what makes languages work and i thought that'd be genuinely helpful for things#like i plan to do more english/spanish translation work specifically so yuh. but also I KNOW internally in my heart...#despite trying to give the professional justifications I KNOW my stupid ass is secretly just absorbing all this knowledge for voca purposes#my brand of shitposting goes against the very origin of the word since 'shitposting' originally refers to very low effort low quality memes#so there's been a semantic shift in definition even outside of mine but i still think its really funny. i put a lot of genuine hard work#into making stupid little jokes to amuse primarily myself and maybe anyone else who finds it on the internet. so yea#no but genuinely though its unironically incredible how much shit i've learned direct or indirectly for vocaloid shitposting purposes
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The urge to spend a 100$ on merch before getting my paycheck is so strong. I might not survive soldiers
#Priorities! Next month no food challenge#At least I can eat my vinyls and CDs 🥰#Man fr I could starve but if Id have some albums#Id be happy#eating my own organs and shit#Okay yes I officially lost it but!#ahiajwineidn the voices#I want to spend money#🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛#Tbh i only eat cheap ass bread anyways so maybe we can do it 👻#me tryna convince myself this would be a good idea and i wouldn't die#Mnaiaisns9jwkq but it's motivation? to keep working right?#....... IM ABT TO ORDER STUFF#IDEK WHAT. BUT. THE. VOICES.#like im soo thinking abt buying the mortal vinyl or atsushis vinyll CUZ THEY LOOK SO GOOD.#I DONT HAVE A MF LP PLAYER BUT IMMA BUY ONE AS WELL#aaaaaaaaa🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠#HM. HmmMM. i can get an LP player on facebook market place rightttt that wont be expensive righttttt#oh to not have to pay 30$ for. shipping would be so good#Ahhhhhhhhh. 😾#Gimme money#Actually I don't even have the money! idek how much am i gonna get paid! but im just thinking abt ordering stuff and hoping ill have enough#insanity is my middle name tbh#also i hate how i literally. dont keep track of my money and i always act on impulse 😭#like man idc how much u pay me i see i have enough imma spend it all#but i should save up to finally move my mf ass away from this great environment i live in#but dang is it hard next to school#getting paid less than minimum wage as a student lowkey. is not fun#But idk what to do cuz i cant skip school to work 😭 so this is shit#n e ways goodnight ily who reads my 3556th diary entry
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somehow these current roommates we have are the worst that ive known yet and last semester we literally had a girl who smoked cigs IN her bedroom. list of grievances below lol
#first of all they turn all the lights on all the time. the other day i was hanging out in the living room w one light on bc it was light#enough outside thru the windows and one of them walked in and flipped another light on automatically. then walked through#the living room right to her bedroom... girl youre not even using this room and i was clearly fine with the light level??#they always have all 3 kitchen lights on when they cook and dont turn them off plus none of them have lamps#they all use the Big LED Ceiling Light in their bedrooms which is baffling to us#they dont know how to organize the kitchen and they took up so many of the cabinets with bullshit. like 3 pans here a few plates there#we have like 4 cabinets worth of food and even more of pots and pans and shit bc this is everything we own#and we cant afford to use disposable everything like some of them do#theyre always leaving the fridge open while they cook too and i have to physically hold myself back from becoming my mom#and yelling at them to close the fridge when theyre not actively getting smth out of it!! like theyll stand there cooking and have it open#for 2 minutes straight#theres only room for one water filter pitcher in the fridge and one of them brought a big one which is nice but theyre always forgetting to#refill it which defeats the purpose of even having it#and they always somehow start cooking right when we decide we need to eat#one of them sent this long sort of condescending post abt ants and how it stresses him out when the kitchen is messy so we all need to clean#more and try harder to keep ants away as if 1) ants care at all abt dishes in the sink or stains on the stove and 2) as if the ants will#stop coming around if theres no food out in this building where there are notoriously always ants even on the 4th floor#(we are ground floor this time) and 3) as if he isn't one of the people leaving food around and not taking the trash out#nobody responded to it in the groupchat lmao bc he sounds like a fucking cop!! and is dating an rotc guy??? and also is a streamer or just#likes to play games on vc with friends bc hes always very loudly doing that#but obviously we have sex all the time so we're at a sort of loud noise stalemate where neither of us can complain abt the other#to be clear this is in no way the absolute worst situation theyre nice enough people and havent reported us for anything (they both work for#student housing -_-) and generally things go okay in the apartment#but like. ive never been this annoyed this often with any other roommates#ALSO someone spilled soy sauce all over our designated level of the fridge door where we had all our little bottles of stuff#but also a carton a Paper Carton of milk and a pack of butter standing upright which soaked up the soy sauce and for several days#even after id cleaned the bottom of the carton the best i could i swore it tasted like soy sauce from it soaking into the bottom or smth#but it's still all over everything in there bc it was so much it like. pooled in there and splattered on everything#like. u see that happen u clean it up wtf.??#anyway i just felt like i needed to complain and see if im being silly or if these things really are so annoying
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Thank you for your tags on the baeddalism post. As someone who is aroace (formerly biace) and a nb transmasc I've literally watched every identity I have be dragged into discourse time and time again and it's always the exact same rhetoric to a nauseating degree. People are so terminally online that they constantly invent new nonexistent stereotypes of other queer identities to get mad at or just pick a queer identity to be the monster of the week, and it's excruciating to see it repeat the same way everytime.
I wanted to try to respond to this more eloquently after i had some caffeine, but if we wait for eloquence itll go unanswered for years. but lmao yea of course. Im also aroace and enby. I was here since like 2014, I suffered through reading all these same stupid arguments about a-specs and my tolerance for it is so fried. The queer infighting and gatekeeping bullshit is so rotting. I hope we learn one of these days. My disillusion that this keeps fucking happening is at least tempered by the fact that all the blogs who I followed for good takes on inclusionism and queer solidarity during the acecourse are also not tolerating this shit, and they are recognizing it as the same old bullshit its been the whole time.
#asks#tiredtief#i am so bad at actually Arguing w ppl so i try to avoid engaging directly as usual but i continue my tradition of#steaming in the fucking tags lmao#anyway hi. welcome. ill follow back. u seem nice#also i wish it was just terminally online brainrot but unfortunately i think this shit predates the internet#and this shit = ppl being stupid bitchy assholes to each other. i have an unfortunate feeling that it is merely an extension of the old.#call yourself a community organizer but youre not on speaking terms with your ex roommates thing. and its annoying ppl#applying like toxic friend group drama dynamics to a marginalized community cos they cant help but pick fucking fights i guess#my point is ppl have probably been being stupid toxic assholes about community since we started being people and having community#and it sucks and its always sucked but we made it this far. so hopefully we can keep going to go be stupid assholes to each other in the#future. i worry this is coming across as misanthropic. its only a little misanthropic. humans is humans. not good or bad but also i think#as social animals we are fundamentally fucking Annoying. i want to believe that we can like. get to a point where we stop arguing about#peoples identities like this. and maybe we will. but we will almost certainly be arguing about some other dumb shit. hopefully like some#low stakes fandom discourse or sports teams. discourse is brainrot but getting into meaningless arguments with fans of a different sports#team does fundamentally feel like a healthier expression of toxicity than starting queer separatist movements in the name#of protecting vulnerable ppl while not realizing that seperatism is just Isolating vulnerable ppl making them more susceptible to all the#harms you claim to want to prevent. dont ever fall for the reactionary exclusionist kool aid folks. even if they frame it as#reactionary seperatism. thats bad for you and your whole community youre cutting yourself off from and we cant be doing that shit#with fucking fascism impending everywhere and shit that targets and harms all of us up on the chopping block. goddddd#anyway. i need to go to the store.
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not to be a colossal fucking cowabummer about everything but it really does suck that like. my really chill and like. supposedly more realistic type of career goal feels about as unattainable as like a kid saying he wants to be a singer or something
#kazoo noises#like yeah this was supposed to be a job i COULD get. i thought bc like. i was going into the field bc i loved the work and not bc i couldnt#make it into academia (fuck u alt-ac term users yall are snobs) id like maybe be able to cobble it together bc like. im good at doing work.#i can usually make something happen and i got a good attitude. but jesus ive got one year left and every job app comes back negative if the#even bother to respond#like idk man. i knew iwasnt gonna be making money or shit and i knew it was gonna be rough but like. everyone else i meet already has a gig#or at least like gig adjacent. volunteer or field experience or internship and like. i cant get anything to stick. its not like ive done#nothing either? ive worked extensively with small scale exhibition design. i have worked extensively with special collections libraries.#i have literal years worth of research experience from college. i have an entirely customer service based resume thats not academic so i#can handle a patron (and crucially different from my peers: I WANT TO)#i can organize. i can write and design labels. i can communicate. i can handle special collections objects. i can make ANY microfilm reader#work for me even when it doesnt want to#and im not saying my classmates arent qualified. but like. surely this has to amount to something. i have been so stupidly lucky#to have even half the experiences i do. i have variety in my degree that even some of my classmates would kill for i think. i did. so much.#i have had so many advantages and i like to think i use them well and that i am grateful for them. but why cant i make that shit connect???#my resume is good. im reliable. i want to work more than anything. so why cant i get a call back???#legitimately how much longer do i get to keep telling myself i a not the common denominator here#sorry for diary posting but im prepping to walk to the house tour and planning what job apps i can fill out when i get back and literally.#just like. why do i bother. i should have just held my nose and done the online only program in state. i'd probably spend less time rotting#god being 23 fucking sucks. it is going to be better. im literally just barely an adult. this cant be it and it wont be it. but jesus. i go#over having to beg for a rejection letter about ten months ago when i still felt like i had a shot at these experiences
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Hm. Think I never vibed right with organ donor shit because like...theyll harvest organs from poc without consent some places.
#my stuff#organ mention#idk if thats a thing but ill tag it as is anyways#but yeah finding out poc and black bodies esp get desecratdd after death like that leaves u feeling some type of way#sorry movie had a mpritican harvesting organs from the towns deceased#and it got me thinking#like yeah theyre dead and wont feel anything#but like...the disrespect for the dead....#i cant handle that shit#mostly because black graves or nonwhite and or non christian graves arent treated well#its like...black ppl cant know peace even in death it gets me near tears
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gringos: french people are THE revolution agaisnt the goverment!!! its crazy what they do!!!
any calm day somewhere in latam with a minister of security:
#this isnt me talking shit abt whats going on with france#they have an amazing organization and endurance#its more a critique of gringos reaction#bc all of over the world ppl react agaisnt their goverment#but only if it happens in europe is a worthy revolution#we get treated differently#the context of this pictures is that bus drivers were protesting over their coworkers getting killed#and the minister showed up for a 'talk' (take pictures#and people didnt react well. of course.#even the minister cant say shit and was like 'i want to stay to talk to my people!!!'#man u just went there for publicity u deserved to be punched lmao#sebastalks
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i cant believe the day but i finally got a full tower pc. bought it already built and at a considerable discount of some 320 dollars off. its fucking huge and theres so many things going on inside... i was initially planning on choosing the parts myself but finding the graphics card was so hard and everyone else convinced me to just buy it built and honestly? good. id probably have fucked this up so badly by myself
i cant use it yet bc i took too long to buy the monitor that was also on sale and now its regular price -_- tho i managed to find a discount used one for now. well see how that goes since ill get it tomorrow. i tested it on out living room tv and it had some kaspersky thingy open and like thats so cute. i hope they left some treats in the browsing history for me to search through before i wipe it clean
#its a hexer case and wouldnt you guess the front has a hexagonal pattern. so pretty..#it came with 3 fans installed there too that have a cmyk color style to them and it looks quite neat. im thinking of buying some leds to pu#inside the case to go with my keyboard tho idk if id go that far tbh (< gamer rot is setting in. im not immune to pretty lighting..)#its also got a lot of unused space inside. im thinking of making more sculptures to put in. though idk if thatd be safe for it#bc cold porcelain is glue and water. what if it evaporates inside and suddenly everythings covered in a glue film#i wonder if varnish would help? the transparent nail polish sure didnt do shit it came off like 2 days after sculpting the rw slug sleeping#which like yeah of course. its nail polish. but i didnt expect it to flake since all it does is sleep on top of my laptop keyboard#i need miniature glass cake cover tops to encapsule every sculpture inside for safety#looking at it still no wonder these are called towers gotdamn its legit so huge..#it looks awkward tho bc i cant fully make it glue to the wall bc of the cables so its like. awkwardly a bit in front of the wall#im scaared as to how to tell if it ever gets too hot. on a laptop u just press ur head against the left half and feel how hot it is#i think im gonna need software for this.. sigh. tho maybe ill never get to that point since its supposed to be decent#AND its not 8 years old + the 3 fans and gpu fan and cpu fan. surely thats enough. the case even has space for more than that!!#the acrylic side reflects my keyboard too. so niceys. stimulation for my creature eyes#my desk is gonna be so fucked up when i have to organize everything too bc the one i have now is perfecly laptop-oriented#it sits on a custom wooden desk and the keyboard+drawing tablet sit below. but theres a shelf on top of my desk thats too low for the>#>normal monitor to sit to so i wont be able to use the custom desk. and i dont even know what ill do with my laptop either#finally a good change in my sad life routine fr. i cant wait to play watchdogs on this and overgrowth and other ones#AND LAGLESS KRITA SMUDGE ENGINE BRUSHES!!! AND DOUBLE BRUSHES. THEYRE SO LAGGY#A N D ACTUAL FULL HD NORMAL MONITOR. maybe that will get me to not draw in small canvases anymore#now im anxious i just want the day to be over to get the monitor tomorrow aouugh.. just bc i started coding my resources neocities page#dextxt#<the 'major life events' ((sorta)) tag returns. one for the books.. if something bad happens.. itll be here to remind me of the good times
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not gonna lie my characterization and rationalization of akira's character has been easier to do once i found out he shares the same personality type as me.
like sure it's subjective or whatever but as one myself, ENFP akira makes a lot of his actions make so much more sense. same with ENTP goro. god it makes everything so much easier with arguably complex characters like them.
#aishi.txt#NOW IMMA BE REAL W U i cant pretend to know everything about personality types and learning about it makes my head SPIN#so if im wrong about their types (or god forbid my own type) dont beat me up!!! im just a little guy you wouldnt do that to a silly lil guyy#i know how. passionate people get about these. letters#but i just think knowing even surface-level about it helped Me in particular ^_^#like it rly did. im a stickler for these things and i care if im portraying characters right somewhat in my art n analysis n shi#so putting them in these lil boxes and labeling them helps!#OUGHHH IM BEIN sooo.. smart n organized rn. lets freaking go#like i think its less 'oh akira just like me fr' but more like shit yeah that makes sense people do that#like if someone thinks its weird akira would devote himself to a man who betrayed and tried to kill him twice 🤨🤨🤨#....lets just say they havent met me!#(me forgiving any guy who's wronged me before as long as they say the word or show a modicum of remorse) seems legit!#that being said i think akira just like me fr in the way that if i embraced my quietude or whatever#i think#i am an ENFP though even if i dont know anything beyond surface level ive done multiple tests on various sotes and spaced them out#by months#and kept getting ENFP#So objectively i am one 😎 (dont make me go into identity crisis mode pls! )#i think it speaks volumes though like i understand all too well#hc but i think akira wasnt always quiet but he had to be quiet when he transferred which is obv and also being quiet came naturally?#but its obvious he doesnt always want to be#ie him laughing maniacally in metaverse. frequent flaunting and 'it's showtime!' stuff#for me in the past the 'quiet kid. unassuming' label followed me throughout school and i haaaated that but there was also no disputing it..#i could only try to get close to ppl to show them the real me... -_-#i guess i relate to akira on that front#that being said im also probably mega projecting#but what is media and my own engagement of it if not a sandbox playground for me to do whatever#that being said if im severely ignorant abt this pls lmk im down to learn. i think i prolly am esp in regards to goro's type cuz#i didnt spend that long thinking about him. cuz akira's my fav dhdhdj#🫰goro's just fun to psychoanalyze. akira's my meepmorp if that makes sense
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#beeep#sui ment#how do u want to be alove#how do u stop feeling like failing at dying was ur biggest mistake#its become pretty clear that im a coward and my I Can Escape This way idea is actually untrue#but i still like? want to#every time i see a post thats like heres how to want to be alive it lists a bunch of things i cant fucking do#eat good food ! go outside ! form human connection !!!#the last one is the most possible and yet. i am not the boss of other people. i cant say You. Connect.#and i hurt so much all the time and im unsure if the doctors like???? care?????#like maybe remission is i hurt all the time and can only have boiled chicken and plain crackers but its Fine because my organs arent#getting Holes#maybe its that#which is better than hurting all the time etc etc With holes but.#i dont want that to be my future#i dont want it to be my present#sleeping didnt fix me i just woke up still brainbad and now im also in more pain than before sleeping#unlcear why#i think the poblem with my mental health is that its actually not illogical to be miserable when everything hurts and you csnt do Shit#and the only people u see outside of the house are Doctors#i haye knowing that death is logically the right choice for me and that im too much a weenie#because then i have guilt on top of it!!! like !!! argh#anyway.#time to eeblog one million posts nobody cares about so they get used to scrolling past my url real fast#. the you connect is not about any one person btw. n especially not (redacted for privacy) the timing might seem bad -_-
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I visited my grandma today, a woman who wouldn't eat a fruit if it isnt organic enough, and watched her casually eating chips…store-brought chips, not even good chips
#like u don't get it she literally cant eat shit that's not organic because she lived her whole life in a village and the food in the city#isnt up to her standards lol#and she was eating some trash chips like what😭#she said i don't know i saw these at my neighbor's house and wanted to taste :)#like yeah i get it girl but im amazed you actually liked it
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the reblogging culture on simblr is a joke 💀
#praying to the gods that simblr reblogs more things this year!#i doubt that will happen though!#(so much yapping in the tags incoming)#i see so many sims posts/edits with crazy like-to-reblog ratios such as 700 likes and 40 reblogs#and many of those of those reblogs are self-reblogs/timezone reblogs lol#likes do jack shit......... tumblr's a community driven website............reblog stuff........it's how things move around here........#anyways those posts gain traction for like 1 week whereas (normally) on other tumblr communities it lasts for like months-#-even years#(<- from my experience - some posts on my skyrim blog from 2022 are still getting interactions whereas on simblr it's like.... )#( dead silent after a few days or a week depending if the post gets high enough in the tags :/ which is ass bc it relies on whether people#( are browsing the simblr tags bc they cant find posts on their dashboard bc U KNOW WHY?!??! NO ONE reblogs shit!!!!!!!!! RAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!#also some people on simblr get so pissed from seeing reblogs on their dashboard??!?!?#to the point where some people block the tag 'reblog' or 'rb' bc simblr uses these tags#BRUH????????????#i stopped using those tags out of spite#i used them initially as an organization thing but u cant even filter out multiple tags on ur blog so what's the point.#i only tag my own stuff and that's good enough for me ig#LMFAO sorry it sounds like im whinging and whining but damn it's discouraging for smaller simblrs and i feel for them#idk man#hehe#.ctxt
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guys the new discord update isn't actually bad yall just hate change.
#truly over all much more well organized#also now u can favorite dms#which is nice#the only real problem is in servers u cant swipe and check shit anymore#which i syper dont like but guys THERES A FEEDBSCK BUTTON
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:( i need to see a dentist but i cant
#the bin#i live in fear of the point tnis tooth finally gives and starts being in extreme pain all the time cause its real bad and only a matter of#time. i even tried seeing a dentist before moving to have this dealt with while i still had insurance but they told me it was fine#well its clearly not so :/#treat me like im stupid for tjinking sometjing was wrong with it. 'you just have sensitive teeth#they say 'just use special yooth paste' fuck you u were wrong. its been bad this whole time#i think its what causes like half my fucking migranes too :/ and now brushing my teeth hurts too bad so i dont#but it makes eating hurt real bad too. so im totally fucked#i make too much to qualify for medicaid but not enough to afford health insurance so :/#i hate living here :/#i just wanna see a doctor for my medical issues. like the random internal organ pain i keep having which i fir sure need to get checked on#but fucking cant so i guess if its something serious ill just have to live with it. or die. who knows. and deal with the random debilitating#pain it causes bc it feels like someones wringing out my organs like a dish rag#i just. want. healthcare :(#im too disabled for tjis shit
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