#also i KNOW it came out months ago shut up i only barely watched it a few weeks ago 😩😩😩

[tooquirkytolose]

Some people think little girls should be seen and not heard

But I think, "Oh bondage, up yours!"

[fev3rish]

THREE ISN’T A CROWD. ami wakita x reader x kenji sato (2.7k words)

In which Ami and Kenji find a piece of their hearts in you.

warnings. reader is a college graduate (23ish), emi appears only briefly in this and doesn’t interact with reader. i finished this in one day and barely proofread it. notes. no one: me, ( @victoirey ) after returning to tumblr after almost a year in hiatus, with a new alias and a new account: hey y'all...

but really i do hope y'all enjoy this little comeback!! I watched Ultraman completely sleep deprived, so i’m real sorry if there are any errors !! YOU HAVE ALL NEGLECTED AMI WAKITA TOO MUCH. I am taking my seat as the first person to ever post an x reader that included her 🙏 reblogs appreciated more than likes! let me know what you think!

it starts with Kenji & Ami. The tension between them is too strong to cover up as just friendly, and against his better judgment, Kenji can be a weak, weak man. Ami is as beautiful as she is elegant and kind. she’s also irresistible. So, Kenji asks her out on a date.

They go together well. Ami is a caring girlfriend, & Kenji, although a busybody—is a sweetheart to her. Their relationship is stable for the most part, and while Kenji does have trouble communicating, Ami is everlastingly patient.

five months into their relationship, Ami meets you.

You are just stepping into the real world, having graduated college a month ago and starting things off slowly. She remembers you, you interned at the company she worked for. You had done well—and they had requested to have you work full-time.

You were as competent as she expected; having been asked to take you under her wing until you were skilled enough to become a senior journalist like she was, she threw you into the career mercilessly. Maybe it was on purpose, maybe it wasn’t—but Ami had good intentions. She had expectations for you.

You exceeded them.

When Ami first took you under her wing, she expected you to have a hard time adjusting. You did, make no mistake, but not for long. It seems you just naturally coordinated well with her—it kind of pissed her off. You were so good at your job, and you were both such a good team. She can only imagine how much better you’d be once you finally became a senior journalist. 

“Ms. Ami?” She jolted in her seat. Her eyes scanned around the room for who called, and her eyes landed on you. Ah, yes. That’s right, she’d asked you to fetch some of the papers she printed from the printing room a couple of minutes ago. She smiled kindly, welcoming you in.

“Your papers.” “Thank you.”

As you handed her papers over, Ami’s eyes landed on your hands. She didn’t know what came over her.  She shook your hands the first time she met you, she’s given you high fives before, so why did it feel different now? Why was there a spark so suddenly?

—And as she indulged in her own selfish desires, letting her hand caress yours as you handed her the papers, why did she want it to last longer? You left the room, smiling at her one last time. Her eyes creased as she smiled back, but you never had the chance to see it. She wishes you did. Would you have reacted to it? Why did she care so much? Ami gulped nervously.

This was a problem. Ami’s growing feelings were a big, big problem. You had her wrapped around your finger, and you didn’t even know. Kenji was clueless. Ami wanted to keep it that way; she loved Kenji the same way she always did after all: infinitely.

Polyamory wasn’t new to her, but it also was. She’s known of it, she’s known how it worked, courtesy of a boring day, free will, and Google—she didn’t know she would actually be considering getting into it!

It gnawed at her, and she refused to get into it with anyone. Even her darling boyfriend, who noticed, and asked about it. Ami shut down any attempt to ask what was wrong with a newly discovered fire, saying that she wasn’t ready to talk about it. She wasn’t. 

Besides, Kenji had a scheduled interview with you in two hours! He had better things to worry about. 

Kenji was used to reporters trying to get his attention.

That’s how he met his love, Ami. She wormed her way into his heart and showed him what balance meant, and unknowingly, she also helped him with Emi. He owed Ami more than she knew, and he was planning on paying that debt in full—hopefully, she would accept payment in love. 

Kenji is head over heels for his girl by the time you enter the picture, and he sits down with you for an interview. 

It was an idea Ami put into your head, and you set to work—shyly asking the woman if she could schedule you for an interview with the athlete. You wanted to exceed your own expectations for yourself, and you thought that a face-to-face interview with a (truthfully, intimidating) athlete would get you there. Ami grinned once you opened up to her about it, and she agreed.

So now, here you were.

twiddling your thumbs and clicking your pen, you waited for the famous Kenji Sato to arrive at the table you had reserved. You didn’t know when you started spacing out, but when you snapped back in—he was already in front of you, awaiting your next move. The pen you clicked was gripped with such fervor as you tried to collect yourself, sheer shock filling your veins because how could you just space out like that—

“You’re going to interview me, yeah?” The star had asked, and you swallowed the blockage in your throat, flustered. “Yes, yes, Mr. Sato—“ You blurted out, obviously unprepared. 

Kenji would never admit it, but he thought it was cute. It was really, really cute. You could say your own embarrassment charmed him, with how he spoke to you in response. His tone was calm, soft; friendly. “Hey, hey—loosen up, it’s all good. It’s nice to meet you.” 

Your mouth went dry. He only smiled even more, and before you knew it—as if his inner peace was contagious, you breathed in and out. Then, you smiled back. “It’s nice to meet you too, Mr. Sato.” You had replied, “I take it Ms. Ami has filled you in on me, yes?” He nodded, and that’s where it all truly began.

You had cracked a joke, and he cracked up. You had asked such deep questions, ones that made it seem like you weren’t trying to garner answers from the Baseball Star Kenji Sato, but rather from just Kenji Sato himself. It was refreshing. His posture slouched as he joked around with you, and it was then he realized why Ami and you seemed to get along so well. You were…for lack of a better word, you were pleasant to be around.

Kenji only got closer to you. It seemed like you were everywhere he & Ami were, and wherever you were—you indulged in nice little conversations. Most of the time, he really only planned on saying hi—and most of the time, he and his girl just caved and started gossiping with you for a good thirty minutes.

Ami & Kenji had shared their personal numbers with you by the fifth time you three ran into each other, and eventually, you started hanging out outside of your own professions. Informal hangouts, at the most spontaneous of places. Kenji & Ami, who had recently revealed they were dating you—basically adopted you. Think of it like the “mama y papa” audio, but it’s you recording—and the other two are being mama and papa.

Of course, fate works in confusing ways. You ended up in a conflicting situation.

You noticed things you didn’t even notice about yourself, like how Kenji’s smile was a bit lopsided when he laughed but only around you two, or how Ami’s eyes sparkled most whenever you were hanging out in the local cinema and the light landed on her just right.

Your love for them did not hit you like a truck. It was like you knew. It was a pat on your shoulder, just to catch your attention. It did.

It gnawed at you like it did Ami.

Kenji, unlike the two of you, was positively clueless to the point that it was almost cute, as irritating as it was. He didn’t know he felt some type of way about you, he just thought the blush that formed in his cheeks was because of the fact Ami was near, not because you laughed so shamelessly and so prettily at a joke he came up with. 

He loved Ami a lot, almost to the point it suffocated him, and he still did when he started feeling that same way about you. That’s when he realized. He realized that maybe, he liked you; but he was so confused. He had Ami, and he felt the same way about her, so why did he feel the same way about you?

It was then a thought went into his head. He likes Ami, and she has a suite reserved for her in his heart—but what if that suite was built for two?

Fortunately, when that thought comes into his head, Ami enters his bedroom and finally asks him to talk.

Unfortunately, it is one of the rare situations Ami doesn’t know how to begin, and Kenji is an amateur communicator.

“So.” Ami clicked her tongue. “So?” Kenji tilted his head, resting his chin on his closed fist as he sat on the edge of his bed— Ami right next to him, although the woman could not even look in his direction. Ami poked the inside of her cheek with her tongue, uncharacteristically unsure. She sighed and then started. “Them.”

Them.

You. Ami meant you. Kenji knew that from the get-go, it was always you, you, you. You were their soft spot, as much as they were each other’s soft spot. And you didn’t even know.

“What about them?” Kenji replied. Ami sucked in a breath and placed her hand over Kenji’s own. “I… I want—“ Ami stammered, scared; how would Kenji react? “I want to love them. I want them as much as I wanted to love, and still want to love, you.” Ami whispered. Kenji looked at his Ami, and he sighed, but it wasn’t in disbelief. No, instead, he was relieved. He looked at Ami and responded, “Me too.”  

“Si- What? Since when?” The woman stammered. “Since they laughed at my joke that one time last month when we hung out at the festival.” He replied, not facing her but smiling nonetheless. “How about you?” He inquired.

“Since they delivered the papers I asked them to pick them up from the printing room,” Ami replied, still shocked. Kenji just laughed, sprawling himself out on the bed. Ami looked down on him, “Do you… Have you heard of polyamorous relationships? Of throuples?”

“Of course I have. It wasn’t really a common sight back in America, but it also wasn’t rare to just look at a group of people and go, ‘Oh, they definitely have group cuddles at night.’ “ Kenji laughed, and Ami scoffed.

“…Well, do you wanna try it out?”  She bit her lip, trying to test the waters. “With them, I mean.” Kenji looked at Ami, then at the ceiling. Then, back at Ami—and back to the ceiling. “Well, fuck.” He groaned,but Ami could hear the crack of a smile. “It wouldn’t hurt, right?”

Ami shook her head. “I don’t think so. Not if it’s them.”

“You’re so corny.”

Ami & Kenji invited you out the following week, and three hours before the prior hangout, they were both freaking out over how to properly ask you about it. Mina had to intervene a bit. They were disturbing Chiho, after all.  

With bated breath and flowers in both of their palms, they watched as you walked into the restaurant and greeted them. You slid into the empty booth, sitting across from them as you questioned why they had decided to meet you here so suddenly.

Ami wanted to slowly guide you into it, but Kenji wanted you to join as soon as possible. He interrupted his girlfriend, blurting out how they ‘wanted you to be their girlfriend because you’re really cool and would fit right in’

Ami looked at him like he had grown two heads. You fixed your collar as you processed his words in shock, and then—finally, you quietly accepted.

“I’d like that.” You whispered before Ami could tear through Ken. Their heads snapped in your direction, Ami’s eyes widened beyond belief and Kenji with the biggest grin you had ever seen him don. “Are you serious? Are— Are you certain?” Ami nagged. You shrugged and nodded. “I mean, I’ve... I’ve liked,” You really, truly, and utterly meant love—but that.. was scary. “I’ve liked you two for a while now—and if you’ll have me, I’d love to join your relationship.” You concluded. Kenji’s grin got impossibly wider, “So it was that easy?!” He exclaimed, and Ami smacked him upside the head. You laughed. Kenji did too, & Ami’s eyes creased the way you always loved, as a bright smile made its way to her face too. She looked at you, a bit unsure, but nonetheless determined.

“We’re all new to this. Let’s take it slow, okay?” You nodded. Kenji only raised his hand and went, “Waiter! Can we get some drinks in here? For a celebration!” 

Looking at Kenji’s toothy smile, and Ami’s content expression, you perked up. You had waited for your turn at the rollercoaster of love, and now you were buckled in. It would be a hell of a ride.

Ami and Kenji will run you ragged (positive) adapting to their love languages. Kenji is very physical, he likes to give you two back hugs, and he does them way too often than he should. Ami, however, is more of a quiet lover, but you know she loves you. Your proof? The fact she orders for you and gets it right all the time, the way there’s always food made when Kenji and you sleep in—and the tender way your hair is combed when you first sleep in the same bed as them.

Her love language is acts of service if you couldn’t tell.

Ami & Kenji, in contrast to other throuples, usually schedule dates where all three of you can spend time with each other. They want to spend as much time with you as they can, both being as busy as they can be—with Kenji being a part of the Giants and also literally Ultraman, and Ami being a renowned journalist, there is not a day where they yearn for you three to reunite once more. Of course, while Kenji is busy—Ami and you always cuddle, and vice versa, but they truly prefer three-way dates. Triple the love, Kenji says.

When you met Chiho, she put her Ultraman mask on you first thing. You laughed and placed it back onto her head—stating that she fit it much better than you did. Kenji joined in, too. The two of you played with Chiho, not knowing that Ami, in her study, was watching over you three: love clouded her eyes as she watched Kenji lift Chiho up, her Ultraman mask on, as you, the ‘villain’, cowered in fear of the mighty superhero she was.

Chiho clung to the three of you like glue after that. All she knew was that Mr. Kenji and Mama loved you as much as they loved each other. That was enough for her to love you even more.

You and Ami aren’t that stupid. You both know who Ultraman truly is—you both know what Kenji’s hiding. even if you aren’t admitting it. You just both remember to shower him with a little more love when he takes a nastier beating.

It takes Kenji five months to finally confirm it, though. He says he’s Ultraman and he can’t even look you both in the eyes. His pretty skin is bruised, and his eye is beaten black. You and Ami look at each other, then at him.

The two of you treat him tenderly, an ice bath having been prepared. He swears he’s in heaven when he sees his two sweethearts lean over the bathtub to give him kisses—a kiss from you on the left, and a kiss from Ami on the right. He asks you both to join him and you shut him down. Boyfriend or not, an ice bath is an ice bath… and an ice bath is freakishly, freakishly cold.

That same night, you lure Kenji into bed, Ami already tucked into the blankets as she opens up Netflix and smiles at the two of you. Kenji takes his place in the middle, ready to be coddled because the Lord knows he needs it with how stressed he is.

You place a hand on his chest to give him a kiss on the forehead, and Ami rests her head on his shoulder. Kenji can’t even focus on the movie, he can only focus on the two of you. He wonders if the two of you feel the same way he does; he already has his answer: Yes.

He feels so loved.

[the-monkeies-girl]

Just a thought not a request!!

Imagine Caesar and his clan finding the reader in the forest cradling a baby chimp who is sick :( Caesar obviously takes them in and while the baby is with the healers of the clan the reader is soso worried. Caesar realises he really has to comfort her and offer her and baby chimp a permanent place with them - ✨

✨ YOU'RE BACK I FEEL LIKE I HAVEN'T GOTTEN ANYTHING FROM YOU FOR SO LONG !! HOW ARE YOU?! also wow i love this idea does it need to become a full ass oneshot.

'She cannot stay.' Koba was adamant with his signing towards his closest friend and confidant.

'You want the Colony to heal the infant and send her away?' Maurice was quick to argue, children surely being one of his passions in life, 'That is not fair to her. She has been caring for the child for---'

'Due to her, they almost died! Does not know how to care for Ape---'

Caesar stood abruptly, any chance on in-fighting dissipating at the stare he gave Koba, 'I will think about it tonight. Maurice,' The Ape King was hesitant, hands dangling in mid-air as he contemplated the language of what he wanted to use, 'Is right. She cared for this child before we found them. Koba, she was in bad shape, not just the child--'

Koba growled in displeasure, 'She is Human!'

'She will not leave their side, does that not speak to her nature?' Caesar's silent words were concise towards the Bonobo who forced the hackles against his shoulders to fall back down as they had risen intensely out of defense.

'Do not like this.'

'Have not given my decision yet,' The Ape sat back into a hunched position and did not let his eyes waver from Koba's stare, 'Will think about it tonight. We will meet at Dawn.'

Nothing else was said as Koba stormed off, rolling his shoulders in aggravation as Caesar finally relented his gawk and drew a deep breath in.

'Cannot let Koba... sway your decision. She cared for the child before and she will... continue to do so if we cast her from their side.' Maurice signed slowly for the King who only nodded in pensive silence. 'Might end badly to do so.'

●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・●・○・

You felt remarkably grimy. And you were sure that was the case if you had enough energy to disperse thinking about your own well being. Tucking a piece of your hair back, you tilted your head to the side to hopefully riddle the twinge you had gotten from sitting against a slanted and slate grey rock for the entire day. Not even breaking for meals, you didn't feel hungry and were intensely wrought with worry. No one had said anything to you about the baby Chimp. About... Forest. That was the name you had given them when you stumbled across them only two months ago.

Abandoned... it seemed. From who, you had no idea. You wanted to leave them. Wanted to do the same reckless abandonment but you couldn't. You still held too much of your humanity that the Flu took away from others and did your best to care for them in the time given.

It was not your fault... That they got sick... Tears pricked at the back of your eyes and you squeezed them shut as a breeze of chilled air came rushing in with the scent of the ocean. You barely could take care of yourself, what made you think you could care for another? A... Baby...? Defenseless and helpless in a world where any other Human would have killed them? That's why you stayed put, having watched the sun disappear behind the red woods an hour ago. They were why you were so determined. They deserved at least a chance and it was just happenstance that you ended up in the clutches of a large Colony of Apes. Most of whom... Hated your presence...

They would not let you stay, you figured as much from the glowers you were getting from the scarred Ape who was determined to make your short stay here absolute hell. You were going to get kicked out and never know what happened to Forest. Your eyes fluttered open when the dim light illuminating your closed eyelids were seeped in full frontal darkness. And... Blinking... Much to your surprise, you were face to almost kneecap with... Their... Your eyes were ample as he shifted an animal hide towards you in utmost silence.

"W-Wh..." "Humans... Get cold." Caesar's voice was nothing more than a baritone as you grasped the animal pelt with a small 'thanks' and draped it against your shoulders. He stared down at you in what appeared the be contemplation. Feet could carry him away and consider this his good duty of the day or--- You sniffled softly.

"Will they be alright?"

"We have..." Nodding in assurance, Caesar looked towards the hut of which Forest was being taken care of by a group of female apes. A place you were not allowed to step foot in due to being a human, "Very... Good Healers. Will do the... best they can." The cadence of his sentences were broken but the words came across well in your tired mind as you nodded, feeling no relief wash through you at the sincerity of them. The Ape King was most likely telling you that to keep you calm and one side of you did appreciate it. "I don... I don't know how to... Thank you for helping me."

Caesar only huffed a response, "There is... Hut near here. You can... Rest the night. Am... Unsure if you will be able to stay anymore. Many... Not... happy of your presence. The young... Many have not seen Human before..." "I just want them to be okay." You whispered tearfully. "You can-can do whatever you want to me, just pl-please..."

[stxrvel]

the outbreak pt. 2

summary: you've kinda been into therapy and turns out it worked?

pairing: bucky barnes x f!reader

words: +4k

warnings: nothing really, i think. this is actually kinda fluffly. i was in a good mood.

note: i didn't planned on publishing the second part so soon, but i had a lot of free time and a mind running wild. still didn't liked that much how this chapter turned out tho. hoping i could make another part to see what happened to my girl wanda! see you guys in the next fic, love yall. the feedback is always appreciated! thank u for reading.

(if a part 3 never appears, just know this is an open ending)

part 1, extra: 1.5

“So, how've you been doing these past few weeks?”

“You don't have to make small talk to me, Natasha. I enjoy the silence.”

“I ask genuinely. I barely even see you in the halls of the Complex. We only really talk on missions and we've had three since that happened.”

“Don't worry about me.”

“I just want to know how you're doing.”

You turned your head to look at the woman sitting next to you. The uncomfortable leather chair you two were in did nothing to appease the constant headache you'd been having these past few days. Natasha watched you with an arched eyebrow and her hands in her lap. You knew she was right, everyone was always right when it came to you. Apparently Bucky was right when he said everyone knew but you, and that spectrum extended to everyone always seemed to know how you were doing if only by the movement of your eyelids.

That's why you had begun to avoid people.

You spent more time in your room and in the Complex gym, doing research assignments for Fury that involved leaving the building, the three missions with Natasha (fully mandatory and against your will) and sometimes in the lab with Bruce when he needed someone to hold his canisters full of chemical liquids.

Fury and Bruce were the only people you tolerated lately. No funny looks, no awkward questions, no innuendo; just what they needed and goodbye.

But, that time, you did have to go out with Natasha. You weren't given the option to come on your own and it was understandable. A little bit. Even though you were trying to make amends for what you had done, not only on the mission a few months ago but also for what you had done to yourself for years, you didn't know that recovery meant you had to have a watcher on you at all times.

And what's worse, that watchman came with a bird.

“I'm fine, Nat,” you replied to her liking finally.

A short laugh from across the room caught your attention.

“Tell that to the tantrum you threw Fury so we wouldn't come with you.”

You gave Clint Barton a hard look, almost lying on the other longer couch as if he were admiring the earth from a cloud. He had one arm over his eyes which he had raised slightly to give you a mocking look, and one leg bent so that his foot was on the couch.

“I didn't throw a tantrum.”

“Fury, please, I know how to take care of myself. I don't need two bodyguards behind me all day. I'm fully capable of getting there and back on my own.”

Clint's poor imitation of your voice caused you an undercurrent of irritation, but you easily made the decision not to let it come out against him. It turns out that sometimes you could just shut up instead of exploding against others, crazy, right?

“First, I don't talk like that.”

“That's right. Lousy imitation, Clint,” Natasha had your back.

“Second, I only asked him once to let me come alone. I didn't beg him like a fool.”

“Sam told me otherwise,” Clint countered and you frowned. You felt the smile on his mouth.

“Sam's an idiot.”

“Sam's on Bucky's side,” Natasha mused.

And then, an awkward silence.

That was something you hated and still couldn't get used to. When people would say Bucky's name around you, the atmosphere would get strangely tense and suddenly everyone would go silent. It felt strange at first, but when Wanda did it you understood what was going on.

“Stop doing that,” you grumbled with a grimace. “I'm not fucking marble. I'm not going to crack from hearing his name.”

“We didn't say anything,” Natasha spoke again, her innocent little dove expression getting on your nerves.

Count to ten, Y/N, don't forget…

“You guys always go silent after you say his name like he's going to spontaneously explode. We're adults, you know? There are things to get over.”

“Wow,” you heard Clint mutter.

“Shut up, bird.”

Clint made a negative, game-like sound when you gave an incorrect answer.

“Three points off. Natasha and Clint are in the lead,” the man snorted as he rose from his position on the couch. You couldn't do more than give him another look, waiting for him to evaporate into thin air.

Natasha stirred next to you looking around at her surroundings, the dark colors of the room almost absorbing all the natural light coming through the few windows that were in the building.

“You haven't talked to him yet?”

“No.”

“Do you plan to?”

“I don't know. Maybe not.”

“Why?” Clint inquired, suddenly more interested in the subject.

“Because I don't feel like I give a s-”

Clint made the sound again.

“Two points off.”

“Clint,” Natasha reproached him with her tone of voice and the aforementioned only flashed her a smile. “It's been several weeks since you were last together. And you've had a lot of improvement-”

“That's debatable.”

“… don't you feel ready to talk to him?” Natasha questioned, completely ignoring Clint's intrusion into the conversation, again.

“I really don't know,” you admitted. “She told me I'm on the right track too, but just the thought of seeing him again after all those things he said… that I said…”

You sighed. Your gaze focused on the dark floor, a bluish-green hidden behind a black carpet with red, the most horrible carpet you had ever seen in your life.

“It scares me. I don't think I can do it.”

The woman let out an affirmative sound from her throat and the room became silent once again.

You almost let your mind begin to wander into memories, conjuring up the times when you felt like you were on top of the world when you were really about to hit rock bottom. But you quickly focused on where you were and what you were going to do there.

You were going to pick up Wanda. You had wanted to do it alone because it had been several weeks since you had last seen her. The last thing you told her was that you were going on another mission with Bucky and that you hoped it wouldn't end as badly as the argument you had that half the building heard. After that, she left.

She had made the decision to come and talk to Stephen Strange and had told you a few days before you left on what would be your last (official) field mission. She left the Complex the day after you left and all you had heard from her since then was that she was fine, that Strange hadn't locked her in a dungeon and that she was learning many things about her magic, especially how to control it to have power in things like her dreams. You still didn't know what those lucid dreams she had been having for a while had been due to, but judging from the letter you had received yesterday where she asked you to go to the Sanctum Sanctorum, it looked like she had gotten some kind of response.

When you told Fury what you were going to do, he didn't hesitate for a second to say that he would ask the Wonder Duo to accompany you. Clearly you balked, not as many times as Sam and Clint implied, but you didn't expose any more complaints to the Director's authoritative voice.

So, there you three were. Waiting for the wizards to appear from somewhere as you waited in one of the most horribly decorated rooms you'd ever seen.

“Sorry for the delay.”

The new male voice that echoed in the room startled you. You cringed and turned your head every which way until you came upon Strange's figure standing at the entrance to the room, not far from where you three were standing. Natasha and Clint remained unperturbed and you suppressed your desire to complain about the intrusion. You were the only one who hadn't heard him coming, apparently.

“Y/N!” you heard Wanda's voice.

You shot up from the uncomfortable couch the moment you saw her emerge from behind Strange's body. Quickly, you met halfway and melted into a big hug. You shifted from side to side trying to keep your strength and tears held back because of how much you had missed her.

“You look great!” was what she said to you the moment you parted.

“Don't lie to her, Wanda,” Clint exclaimed, and shortly you heard Natasha hiss in his direction.

“I've had better days.”

“I can't believe the day is here already! You have to tell me everything. What happened on the mission? What happened with Bucky?”

Again, the unpleasant silence.

“Why are you two making those faces?”

Wanda was watching the Wonder Duo right behind you and you couldn't help but let out a big exhale.

You turned to look at the only person who really gave a damn about your life.

“Thanks for everything, Strange.”

The man nodded in your direction. “It was my pleasure. Hopefully everything will be better from now on.”

Wanda waved goodbye to him as you turned around and pointed the other two people in the room toward the exit.

The other goodbyes were short and you were soon finding yourselves exiting through one of the portals opened by Strange, where you met the entrance to the Complex head on.

“Ah, magic. It makes life so much simpler,” Clint commented before starting to walk in the direction of the common room.

Natasha had the decency to bid you farewell and followed the bird's path at a tight pace.

“I thought they were going to join us,” Wanda mused, watching their figures walk away.

“No, they were just my nannies.”

“Nannies?” you saw her frown.

You watched the grimace on her face and almost have the urge to ask Sam to come give her a rundown of what had happened in the last few weeks since that last mission, but you mentally pulled back and offered a small smile to the confused woman in front of you.

“We have a lot to talk about.”

---

“Have you eaten today?”

The haze that clouded your mind slowly disappeared, your head barely registering the movements your body made to stay conscious. The soles of your shoes were too hard for your liking and you'd had to go sit down while you waited for Wanda to return. You didn't know how long it had been since that, but it seemed to be long enough for Steve Rogers to approach the cafeteria table where you were sitting with a tray containing the day's food.

“You look like you could use some of this.”

The blond gently pushed the tray until it was on your side of the table, and the smell of beef stew didn't take long to reach your lungs. It smelled good, to be honest. You looked down at the food and moved your hands to grab the silverware.

“Thank you.”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I'm just waiting for Wanda. She went to talk to Fury.”

“I saw her coming in. She said she had a lot of things to tell.”

“She told me exactly the same thing.”

“And did you get to talk about anything before she left?”

You glanced at the fork in your left hand before looking up and meeting Steve's unconcerned face. You had learned very quickly that it wasn't too hard to get to know the captain in your position as opposed to how unreachable he looked to the rest of the population. He was a rough and tough man, but he would do things like bring lunch to a female shipmate who had a blank stare and sit down and try to chat with her.

He was good. Steve was good.

But he wasn't sneaky.

“If you want to know the verdict, talk to Strange. He's a close friend of Tony's.”

The man only sighed, his shoulders slumping in time with his breathing as if he'd been in alert mode all day.

“I didn't mean to sound so…. opportunistic.”

You rolled your eyes.

“You didn't sound opportunistic, Steve, you're just bad at trying to hide your curiosity,” you expressed with a small smile, but the man didn't look convinced by your words. “She's fine. She looks fine. She sounds fine. Whatever they had done, talked about or practiced, it surely paid off. I don't think you have anything to worry about.”

“She looked really scared before she left. You didn't see her. She asked me several times to communicate with you because she didn't know if it was a good idea to do that anymore.”

“She asked you that?”

“Yes. But the mission was very delicate, we couldn't risk it.”

You nodded in your direction, your gaze wandering back over the food.

“I just want her to be okay,” Steve mumbled and you almost missed the way his face contracted. His blue eyes found yours. “She's been through too much throughout her life and now this. It's like a joke of the universe.”

“She'll be fine. She has us. If she needs strength, she'll have plenty.”

Steve smiled, and then you took your first bite of beef stew.

You grimaced.

The blond frowned.

“Was the smell better than the taste, again?”

You nodded with your mouth full. Your hands went to the glass of water in the corner of the tray and you didn't hesitate to down the meat with all the liquid in it. You were almost never lucky enough to taste good lunches in that cafeteria.

“FRIDAY,” you heard Steve say.

“Yes, Captain.”

“Can you order a 12-inch tuna Subway on whole wheat bread with all the vegetables except the bell peppers and olives, please.”

“Right away, Captain.”

“That wasn't necessary,” you turned to the man as his gaze focused on yours.

“You can't go without eating.”

“I would have been able to place the order.”

“Mmm, really?”

“Of course! Do you think I waste the opportunity to spend Tony's money every chance I get? Even, I would have ordered more.”

“Oh, seriously?” Steve had a mischievous grin on his face and you furrowed your brow at his strange expression. “FRIDAY, make it three.”

You half-opened your lips.

“Sure thing, Captain.”

“Are you out of your mind?”

“What's with the attitude? It's Tony's money, isn't it?”

You hadn't heard that kind of boldness from Steve very often, and when it happened it was a complete event to witness. The man was a stickler, everyone knew him that way. He didn't understand the word rest and most of his free moments were only used to keep reconsidering attack strategies. Steve wasn't one to let loose and go with the flow very often, but when he did it was something to be enjoyed.

“You know he doesn't mind, right?”

And the moment was over.

“No? I thought he still hated me from lying to him about the book.”

“Uhm…” Steve fumbled over his words and you were amused at the way his features scrunched up. “He doesn't hate you. He was just angry. Besides, it's been a long time, he probably doesn't even remember that.”

“I think he's going to remember that until he dies.”

“Steve.”

You froze in place.

Abort mission. Abort mission. 911. Mayday, mayday, mayday.

Steve looked over your shoulder and then back up at you, your eyes on the embroidery of his brown jacket. You tried to keep your expression composed and sent him a smile of assurance that even you couldn't believe. But you couldn't do anything else. You couldn't break down at that moment. Besides, he would most likely ask the blonde to come with him and Steve would go. You wouldn't really have to deal with anything.

“He's really coming,” you heard Steve mutter in your direction.

Your face scrunched up in confusion, and you watched his expression of poorly disguised panic. You had told Steve only once, days ago, that you weren't ready to talk to Bucky at all. And, apparently, he had made it his problem too.

“Are you busy?”

You heard Bucky so close that a shiver ran through your body. It had been weeks since you'd last heard his voice. On that mission.

“No, I was just talking to-”

“Captain.”

But what was this, the all-call-Steve-at-once festival?

You sank back in your seat when you recognized the Director's voice. If he was there, it meant Wanda must be coming with him, and judging by the contractions in Steve's face, going from confused to incredulous to dumbfounded to flushed, your friend was most likely waving him out of there.

“A word, please,” Fury spoke again, and Steve barely let a second pass before he sprung out of his chair like a spring. He gave you a look and you could almost see the apology written in his eyes.

“Buck, I'm sorry- I mean, wait here for me.”

“What?”

“I won't be late, I promise.”

“I can wait for you in the living room…”

“No,” Steve contradicted him sharply. You caught a glimpse of his stiff expression out of the corner of your eye. “Wait for me here, can you?”

You didn't hear an answer, but you guessed it was positive when you saw Steve's face a little more relaxed. He looked back at you and barely gave you a nod before he started walking toward the exit. You turned in your seat to see him, and barely caught a glimpse of Wanda's triumphant face before she hid behind the back of a naive Fury as she saw your gaze on hers.

That woman really had no idea…

The chair Steve was occupying shifted and Bucky appeared in your field of vision. He was looking anywhere in the cafeteria before he was looking at you. And well, that was good, it gave you time to analyze what you had missed in those weeks without any communication.

He clearly looked calmer. Even though you two were forcibly put in an uncomfortable situation, he didn't seem to mind too much. He looked a little tense, you could barely make out a twitch in his jaw, but other than that he was pretty relaxed.

You didn't know how to interpret that.

The last time you had thought about seeing Bucky again (which was that very morning when Natasha brought it up) you thought that one of you would run away without even a second's notice. It seemed that the only one too scared about that reunion was you. Surely Bucky hadn't thought about it for a single moment since the last time you were face to face.

And his hair. He had cut his hair much shorter than last time. Its ends were directed to the ceiling and you could no longer mess it up if you ran your hands through it. It would rearrange itself in seconds. His eyes were still the same, clear and bright as the clear sky, his expression just as stoic and unperturbed, his body leaning slightly to one side with his hands clasped in his lap. Almost everything about him remained the same except for his hair.

And except he couldn't look you in the eye.

You looked down where the tray with the stew was still intact. You didn't have anything else to distract you with so you grabbed a vegetable and popped it in your mouth.

Turning your head away, you missed Bucky's gaze on your face analyzing the grimace of disgust you were trying to hide.

You swallowed hard and grabbed the water bottle so that it almost slipped through your hands. It was empty.

You almost threw up on yourself.

“Are you okay?”

You met his gaze and froze. His wary eyes were on your face.

“Yeah.”

“Doesn't look like that food is good.”

“Because it isn't.”

You shook your head and pushed the tray away from your personal space once and for all.

“Why don't you order something else?”

“Steve already ordered me something.”

“Oh.”

And silence.

You usually enjoyed the quiet moments, when no sound flooded the surroundings other than your own breathing and the ramblings in your head. You could really enjoy your solitude and the quiet it brought with it. But this silence didn't come with solitude, it came with tension, strain, uncertainty.

You didn't know if you felt you should say something or if you felt you should run away. If you stayed you didn't know what to say to him and if you left you didn't know under what excuse.

Bucky's light eyes met yours again after wandering his gaze for a while around the room.

“Wanda's back,” was what he said.

You nodded.

“We came with her this morning.”

“Yes, Steve told me.”

“We don't have to do this, you know.”

His neutral expression turned chaotic for a moment. Then he went back to being unflappable as if nothing.

“We don't have to do what?”

“This. Talk like it's nothing. It's awkward.”

“Ah. You find it awkward?”

You furrowed your brow at his genuine curiosity. For a moment you thought he was being sarcastic, but his eyes detailed your expression intently, waiting for an answer.

“Don't you?”

“Why should I?”

“Can you stop answering with questions, please.”

Bucky averted his gaze. He repeatedly ran his hands over his jeans.

“I'm sorry. If it makes you uncomfortable I'll keep quiet.”

“Still, you don't answer my question.”

“It's not awkward for me,” he finally said, his slightly tilted head pointed in your direction. “It's just normal small talk. Between two people.”

You hummed a nod and your head moved in sync.

“It's easier for you to pretend nothing happened.”

Bucky shook his head, attentive. He narrowed his eyes and it didn't go unnoticed the way you tensed your shoulders as the words left your mouth.

“I never said that.”

“It's just what I can glimpse.”

“What you think you see is not true. I'm not trying to feign insanity.”

“Oh, yeah. I forgot you're an expert at knowing what I think,” the words left you before you could process them and give them the proper filter, and you were sure Bucky had noticed the way your composure wavered for barely a second. If he had, he chose to ignore it.

You saw him twist his lips and lower his gaze, as if he suddenly felt distressed even though he wasn't the one who should be worried about something like that.

“You're angry.”

“And why would I be, according to you?”

“Maybe you were expecting a different reaction from me. You don't like what I'm giving you.”

You let out a laugh. “I never thought arrogant was your type.”

Bucky took in your gesture and mimicked it. Seeing a smile on his face after so long brought back images you thought you had sent far out into the ocean of your mind. Maybe you didn't feel your heart racing as it had so many times before, but you definitely felt something different from the fear and dismay that normally accompanied his memory. Even though you didn't want to accept it, you couldn't help but stretch a little towards that new sensation.

“I was joking. I have no idea why you're mad.”

The small smile on your face disappeared, and you allowed your head to wander down the paths of self-healing and self-improvement. Perhaps it was situations like these that your therapist always referred to. Stealthy confrontations that you usually used to avoid like rain, were the perfect moments to divulge a kind of self-reflection and improvement. To, perhaps, make known the emotions and thoughts you used to suppress and keep to yourself, the reason you had ended up that way to begin with. That was supposed to be what people normally did, to talk about their feelings…

So you just let it out.

“I'm not angry. I think I feel… embarrassed.”

“Embarrassed about what?” Bucky cocked his head to one side, his eyes scrutinizing your face as if trying to figure out if you were being serious or not.

“For confronting you.”

“Me?”

“Yes, Bucky. Here's to having you face me and confirming once again that you were right,” you rolled your eyes and took the moment to look anywhere in the cafeteria but into the blue eyes that wouldn't leave yours. “You were always right, I guess. No one else stood up to me like you did and I still lied to you looking you in the eye, wouldn't you feel the same way?”

The movement he made as he shrugged his shoulders drew your gaze, and met you with such a frightening familiarity that you felt old memories and feelings creeping up from the back of your mind to return to the surface. His calm gaze and tension-free body was what you had always been used to, and at that moment it was what you were seeing.

You didn't know how much you missed him until you saw it again.

“It's possible, yes.”

“The point is, knowing that doesn't make it any less complicated. In fact, it's a little harder to cope with. Being aware of the embarrassment… makes you more embarrassed.”

Bucky let out a short laugh. Your gaze didn't leave the way his corners turned up and then how his shoulders moved and his chest contracted in sync with that laugh. You hadn't noticed until that moment the change in the atmosphere around the two of you, much lighter and cozier, not at all hostile and toxic compared to the last few times you were together after the argument.

Mmm, maybe you were liking all that stuff about therapy. To be honest, up until that point you had discerned very few results, although some were quite important. Like, for example, you were able to keep your mind clear of self-destructive thoughts for longer, or that you could look at your past actions and reflect on them, determining clearly what things you were doing wrong and why it was wrong to do them. And there were many, many of them. Not just with the people around you, but more so with yourself.

However, in that moment, having Bucky in front of you and having been able to not only carry on a conversation for more than a minute with him, but also having been able to admit to him how you had felt and show true regret for what happened, you were able to understand that the change was much bigger than you had initially sized it up to be.

“It's serious. It complicates the process for me. That's why I didn't want to see you.”

He nodded without wiping the smile off his face. You could sense the understanding emanating through his gaze and, by the way he straightened his body, you knew he was going to give voice to the thoughts going through his head. Bucky usually kept his opinion of people to himself, he wasn't one to go around highlighting qualities in others unless he was asked or it was necessary for him to say so. Because of this, you could learn to tell when he was going to keep quiet about it and when he was willing to let it all out.

“Still, if it makes you feel any better, I can see you've come too far. Six months ago you wouldn't have said that to my face. I probably would have heard it from Sam who heard it from Clint when he eavesdropped on some conversation of yours with Wanda.”

You were really glad about what he just said, but…. what the fuck?

“Clint eavesdrops on our conversations?”

Bucky went blank. His features froze and the tension emanating from his body enveloped you both.

“Well… I only heard it once. Clint had said he'd upgraded the device for his hearing and was hearing three times as many things as he should. Among those things, he could hear you talking to Wanda in the next room.”

“I don't believe it.”

“There's nothing to tell you for sure that he did it again.”

“And how long ago was that?”

“Mmm, two years, I think.”

“Did he ever say anything to you?”

Bucky didn't answer for a few seconds, his gaze seemed lost in yours, with a solidity and strength too forceful for your tolerance. You suspected the answer was positive, but received the opposite.

“He only told me what had happened. He never told me if he understood anything he heard.”

“Uhm, you're good at getting out of tight spots.”

He gave you another one of those smiles that felt like home.

“I've had years to practice.”

The silence that followed his words was much more welcoming than before. You seemed to be able to move around the masses of air so freely that all the tension in your body could disappear in a gentle breeze.

“I'm sorry this was uncomfortable for you, but it was good to see you. And hearing you.”

“It wasn't that uncomfortable.”

“You're squeezing your legs under the table.”

You looked down, surprised, though you shouldn't be. Bucky had always been good at reading your body language. It was almost like it was his way of communicating. And yes, you were.

“You rocked from side to side. Your hands never stopped clenching in your lap. You were uncomfortable.”

“Still, I don't regret what I said.”

“I know.”

“Good.”

“Good.”

You had a duel of glances and you longed for that comfort you had been missing for so long. During those almost seven months of barely seeing him and not speaking to him, you had learned to appreciate the little moments in life. And you were surprised to think that before you thought you were living your life as you were doing at that moment, the present, but you were not. You learned the cruel difference between existing and living, and it wasn't hard for you to deduce why you had had such complicated moments in your life some time before.

You had never lived anything. You went through your life as a tourist and many times you weren't even in the picture. You tried so hard and constantly to convince yourself otherwise every day that it ended up tiring you out emotionally, and in the process taking everything out on the one person who tried to reach out to help you.

“Buck!” Steve's exclamation echoed throughout the cafeteria, just on time.

You turned to see him in the doorway, his raised hand gesturing for the man in front of you to follow him. Bucky stood up, but didn't leave before turning a glance at you with a warm smile worthy of summer.

“I hope to keep hearing from you more often.”

“We'll see if you're worth it.”

[alltoolewis]

Better man- Mason Mount

She's back with another Mase fiction and this time it is nothing, but angst so prepare your Kleenex tissues! This is inspired by my favourite Taylor swift song, better man (listen here), in celebration of midnight being released!! I have missed writing angst so much & feel a little bit proud of this! (*unsure if I want to do a part 2 of this, so please let me know how you feel about it becoming a series if I do!) Love you all ✨

Words- 4.4k

Summary: When Mason's fame changes not only him but also your relationship, you don't hestiate to escape from his damages before it's too late... but when you get invited to Kai's party you a forced to face the ghost of who you left that night!

2 months ago...

Your breath hitched as your hand touched the cold door handle, the old wooden frame being the only thing separating you from your new future and your present. Glancing back towards his living room, where memories of unforgettable times hung on the wall... memories of when everything was fresh and new... The whole setup felt like a slap in the face, it was a constant reminder of what you both used to have, what you still could have had if he didn’t ruin it by following the typical life of a footballer...

Your relationship with Mason use to be sweet, exciting... one that people would look at and wish that they had. It was like a fairy tale, a shy girl who grew up with barely anything but somehow wanted to become a bestselling author, meeting an aspiring footballer who didn’t know anything other than playing the game. & Although 2 years of that fairy tale were a dream, attending his matches, and watching him become one of the most successful footballers in the world while he watched your dreams of becoming a top-selling author come true, like many fairy tales, yours started falling apart...

While Mason’s career reached a new level during the euros so did his public figure... everyone knew he was, which made your life as his girlfriend much tougher. You tried to ignore the amount of female attention he was receiving but it became harder once your pictures together became flooded with hate comments and your DMs were crowded with death threats. At first, Mason acted like your hero, shutting down any hate you got and being your shoulder to cry on when things got out of hand, but the more attention he got & the more women threw themselves at him the more you felt like you were losing him... losing the mason that you knew and loved for 2 whole years!

It started out with simple things, like going out to public events alone claiming that partners weren’t allowed to attend, although their Instagram stories told different stories the next day.  Being the introvert you were, you let it slip, not questioning it at all as he continued to blow you off for more parties and secret getaways with the ‘lads. The next stage of your declining relationship came with the deleting of images of you together... Mason claimed it was to stop the hate you were rapidly getting, saying that if the images of you together weren’t there people wouldn’t attack you as much & you almost believed him, that’s if you never saw the long list of Instagram messages he was getting from models some even opened and replied to, but like everything you turned a blind eye at... in yourself believing that if you didn’t read the messages he was sending they weren’t there, but of course they were...

The final stage of declining came tonight. Mason claimed he was going out with the boys again, although it was the 3rd time he had done so in the last week, and despite the fact you didn’t want him to you weren’t the type to beg him to stay and you certainly weren’t the girl to keep him on a leash... so you let him go! Your mind was spinning with ‘what ifs and made-up scenarios of his actual whereabouts, and no matter how hard you tried to push them out they kept coming back. Trying to distract yourself from it, you kept yourself busy on social media, interacting with all the friends you hadn’t caught up with for so long. & it worked like a dream till you came across an Instagram story on Ben’s private & that’s when you saw it...

Mason was sat on Ben’s sofa, not a care in the world as a familiar-looking girl was straddling his lap, their lips interlocked as one of his hands ran through her hair while the other hovered over the small of her back, an action that you were all too familiar with but haven’t had in so long, making you feel a stab of jealously despite him belonging to ‘you’! As you looked closer at the girl, you finally put the pieces together that she was one of the many that he had been messaging and claiming that she was nothing but a friend... That’s when all the dismissed feelings crashed down upon you, the secret rendezvous, the Instagram messages, the slight smell of expensive perfume that didn’t belong to you hovering on his clothes along with the red mark visible on the neck that also didn’t belong to you!  All the times he held you close at night, saying how you were the only girl in the world that he wanted that & that he didn’t want to think of a world without you were lies... they were lies!

Looking at yourself in the mirror like you did many times before, you didn’t recognise the girl that you once saw... this one was broken, betrayed instead of in love and at home. Your friends had warned you that this would happen, that one day you would wake up with a reality check and be reminded of your worth, but you didn’t listen to them either... and now you were one and truly broke!

 Not wasting another minute, you threw everything into your suitcase as mascara tears ran down your cheeks leaving a permanent stain! & That led you to now... with your hand on the cold doorknob questioning everything... you knew if you left there would be no going back, you would never be able to see him again, never be able to hold his hand or kiss his lying lips but you knew as much as you would miss it all, you deserved better... so without another thought, you opened the front door, the cold air blowing in your face as you stepped out of your comfort space for the last two years, closing the door behind you, you sighed, knowing this was the bravest thing you had ever done.. letting him go!... with one step in front of the other you walked yourself to your car, leaving everything in the pass...

Leaving him!

*Present day*

“C’mon (y/n), you have to come!” Sophia sighed, as once again you shook your head at her suggestion to come to her boyfriend’s party “Kai would love to have you there... he misses his little sister!”

“I miss him too!” You exhaled, not even remembering the last time you had seen the German national. Since he arrived at Chelsea 2 years, you developed an unexpected friendship with the couple, with Kai being one of the only friends of Mason’s that you trusted. But since the end of your relationship and the way it happened it happened abruptly you shied away from anyone that knows him on a deeply personal level including his family, friends, and colleagues & unfortunately Kai went under that bracket. It wasn’t their fault, you knew that, and although cutting them out was unfair on their behalf you couldn’t handle hearing his name or how he had been without you, so you let any chance of that go!

“Then come... please!” Sophia begged, her blue eyes pleading with yours “It’s been months since you last let your hair down, you need this!” You knew she was right, even before your relationship ended you stopped going out to parties or events, of course not because you didn’t want to... because he didn’t want you to!

“I’m sorry, soph... I just don’t think I’m up for it, I’m not a party girl anymore...” Ignoring her gaze to stop her from reading your lie, you turned back towards your kitchen to continue what you were doing before she came to see you.

But not giving up she followed you, hot on your tail as a frustrated sigh fell from your lips “Oh please, (y/n)! You’ve never been a party girl...” ‘damn it..’ you thought, forgetting for a moment that she knew you better than anyone else “Enough with the excuses... you don’t want to see Mason do you?!?”

Your body froze as she spoke his name, the memories of that night flooding back into your mind, that word was forbidden in your world now... everyone that remained in your life from the clear-out knew that, but clearly, she didn’t care...

“Don’t say that name...” you glared at her, tears brimming your eyes as every message sent, every night he spoke lies to you, every time he came home smelling of a different girl came rushing back. You tried your best to move on from him, to be able to hear his name without wanting to break down on the floor. But when someone hurts you that badly, it wasn’t an overnight task...

“I’m sorry (y/nn) ...” Sophia sighed, immediately going up to you, wrapping her arms tight around you as you sobbed into her shoulder. She saw the permanent damage he did to you; you were a completely different girl than the welcoming one she met 2 years ago. You turned closed off, guard immediately up the second someone new walked into your life & it was all his doing!

Rubbing your arm gently till you calmed down, she sighed “I’m sorry for bringing him up lovely, but I’m right, aren’t I?” Not finding the words to say, you nodded, sniffling as you messily rubbed your face. “I don’t want to go back there...” You whimpered, exhausted eyes looking at her “I know if I see him again, I’ll fall... I don’t want to get hurt when I’m finally seeing my life without him...”

“He won’t hurt you anymore (y/n), I promise...”

“Not intentionally soph.” You sniffled “But he will, he always did..”

“When was the last time he called?” Sophia wearily asked, knowing that since you left Mason hadn’t been the same too, one of the perks of being a part of both of your lives. Of course, if she had to pick a side it would be yours without a doubt, he treated you like shit & if any man ever treated her that way, she would have done the exact same thing! But that didn’t mean she didn’t feel an ounce of pain for Mason, he was left in the dark, not given any clear explanation of why you left or any chance to explain... and if he deserved one was up to you!

 “Last night...” You whispered, “He said he wants to talk... that life is not the same anymore & he misses me” You acted like you couldn’t remember it as you briefly explained, but the truth was you knew the paragraph off by heart, reading the message over and over again until your tired eyes fell shut.

“Why don’t you try and come?” Sophia sighed changing the topic slightly as she noticed the tears coming back in your eyes “If you don’t feel like it you can leave... straight away! I’ll even drive you if you’d like. But you need this baby”

“I don’t know soph..” You muttered, closing your eyes as you put your head on her shoulder “What if he see’s me”

“Then I’ll lock him in a room!” She laughed, causing you to raise your eyebrow up in confusion “I’m being serious, I’ll distract him if he is already there when you arrive while you say a quick hi to Kai and then you can go into a different area... I’ll be on Mason; I mean ex watch until you want to leave!” A smile etched your lips at her thought-out plan, making you feel guiltier if you didn’t go...

“Okay.”

“Okay, as in you’ll go or...?” Sophia spoke, the happiness clear in tone as you nodded your head “Yes soph, I’ll go!” You laughed, as her squeals echoed around the kitchen “As long as you promise to be on ex-watch!”

“I promise, I promise!” She screamed, jumping up from the kitchen floor as she jumped around “Omg Kai is going to be so happy, Thank you! Thank you!”

“I’m doing this for him though...” You mumbled, allowing her to pull you into the hug “Not anyone else!”

“I know lovely” She smiled “I know!”

You didn’t know how tonight would turn out if you’d even be able to step one foot in the club without wanting to run a thousand miles. But you knew it was needed for you to be one and truly moved on, it was the final step of freedom and fear you had to take!

---------

After taking just under 2 hours to pick your outfit, you finally decided to do a classier clubbing look than sultry, you weren’t trying to find a man to hook up with in there so what was the point? Despite Sophia saying you should go more out; you decided on a pair of leather pants and lace cropped cami top hidden under your signature vanity jacket.

‘I’m here’ you sent to Soph as your taxi pulled up in front of the club you hadn’t stepped foot in for so long. There was one time when this place brought you joy, allowing you and Mason to let your hair down after a stressful week. But now it only brought you misery, another constant reminder of your past.

Once you got the all-clear to go in, you took the big step, instantly being hit with the smell of familiar alcohol and loud banging music you could never stand. After reading the text of where to find Kai again, you headed straight to the back of the VIP section, stopping a couple of times to say hi to old friends some of whom you haven’t seen since the breakup. You didn’t even need to find Kai, as you got spun around into a bear hug “Omg what the hell are you doing here!” He gasped, spinning you around in a hug as your laughter got drowned out by the music.

“I couldn’t miss your birthday could I!” You laugh, ignoring the fact that if it wasn’t for his stubborn girlfriend you would have.

“I should throw this at you, y’know?” Kai hissed playfully, lifting his glass of alcohol that was sure not his first of the night “How dare you cut me out like that? You broke up with Mason, not me!” You winced slightly as he spoke the dreaded name, of course, he wouldn’t know that.

“Look Kai I’m so sorry-” Before you could try and explain yourself, he wrapped his arm tight around you, silently telling you that he forgave you. “I know why you did (y/n)” he sighed, giving you a slight smile “I just wished you’d let me help you, I could have been there for you... what kind of friend am I if I’m not!”

“You’re here now...” You smiled, holding him tighter “That’s all that matters!” Your words gave him a small indication that you still weren’t hundred percent over Mason’s damage but not wanting to push you any further he just smiled. “You ready to party then tiny?” he smirked; the playful nickname he used so many times before instantly hit you with a warmth of familiarity. “Of course, I am king kai” You smirked back, grabbing a glass of wine that someone passed you “Let’s get this party started!”

What was supposed to be a quick exchange between you and the German international, turned into 3 hours of partying! Everyone watched in awe as you swallowed down drink after drink, half of them watching in the excitement that you were finally letting go of your past while the others watched in concern... those being the real friends!

“Right missus, that’s enough!” Sophia laughed pity, as she took your 7th cocktail out of your hand “I think it’s time we get you home, eh?” Ignoring her words your hand flew straight back for the drink “Please just one more drink then and we’ll go, please soph! I’m having fun!”

“How about some water then?” Kai quipped in, a glass of pure liquid already in his palm as he came to his girlfriend’s aid. Knowing that there was no way you were going to win an argument with Kai, you took the glass pouting as you swigged the water lightly. Soph guided you to a quieter part of the club, a room that didn’t have a soul in it much to her and your delight. “How about you stay here for a little bit?” She sighed, helping you down onto the couch in the corner of the room, wiping a lose thread of your hair that had fallen and stuck to your forehead.

“Where’s mase?” You mumbled quietly, not knowing what you were saying as the alcohol slowly began to show its effects. “He’s gone, lovely. Don’t worry about him, okay?” Soph knew she shouldn’t have lied; she should have told the truth that she lost his whereabouts just under an hour ago. But as you sat relaxed and at peace in front of her, she couldn’t ruin it for you.

“I’ll be right back (y/nn)” Sophia smiled as she sat up from next to you, breaking the comfortable silence “I’m just going to let Kai know, and then we’ll get you home safe and sound”

“Okie okay..” You sighed, feeling a little bit better now that you were by yourself in the cosy room. You didn’t know how but you didn’t feel that drunk, you knew you were, but you didn’t feel it... until your head began replaying flashes of memories, sweet memories that you had blocked out so long ago, ones that you thought you got rid of forever. Him coming to your house with roses on valentines, creating celebrations together, your first Christmas, your first kiss... they all came back!

Closing your eyes tight to try and stop the pain they caused, you whimpered “please, stop... please please stop!” But there was no use, they kept coming... the first time you moved into his house, him surprising you at your book launch, all the nights tangled together under the bed sheets, they wouldn’t stop coming.

Being a slight burden in your flashback, the door creaked open much to your delight, however, your eyes remained shut assuming it was just your best friend coming back for you, you yelped “Oh thank god! Soph, we need to go... I can’t stay here... I need to get out..”

Your eyes slowly opened as the room remained silent, an instant regret as you saw the figure standing there not belonging to Sophia, instead it belonged to the one person you wished it deeply wasn’t.

Your body froze as he continued to stare at you, not really knowing what to say as he equally didn’t expect you to be there. “(y/n)...” He whispered, not wanting to startle you even more than he has done as you stared blankly across from him as if you saw a ghost “Are you okay? Do I need to get anyone-”

“Get out...” You mumbled; voice just barely visible as your eyes looked anywhere but his “Please just go...”

“No (y/n), you need help, your shaking!” Mason interjected, walking closer to you “Please, talk to me!”

“Please just go...” You repeatedly whispered, unsure if you were speaking to yourself or him “I need you to go, just leave me alone like you always did... you know how to do it, so just go! Turn around and go!”

Shaking his head, he froze, you looked weak. Drunk. Heartbroken... & he was the cause of it all “I can’t leave you like this... just let me help you-“

“Did you just listen to anything I said!?!” You snapped, taking you both of guard as you shot up from the sofa, legs unsteady as a mixture of the alcohol you had drank and the man you killed from your mind in front of you “I don’t need you to help me! To pity me! I need you to leave me alone... get out of here! Get out of my mind! Just leave me to peace...!”

“I never meant to hurt you like this” Mason mumbled, walking even closer as his hand went to steady you but of course you flinched back. Memories of his own flooded back to him as he looked into your shattered eyes... the day he told you he loved you, the day he told his family that he found the one, the day when you first put your feelings aside and let the magnet pull you deeper. But of course, with those good ones came the bad... the first message he sent to a girl that wasn’t you, the first time his lips landed on a pair that wasn’t yours, the day he realised he fucked up when he came back to an empty house & that’s when he lost it, lost you... “I messed up, I was a complete idiot (y/n)! You didn’t deserve the way I treated you, I didn’t deserve you.” His own tears threatened to escape his eyes as he saw the damage he had caused by his reckless behaviour “I am not asking you to forgive me, I know you’d never be able to & I don’t blame you. But please let me help you now, let me take you home, let me get you someone, just please don’t push me away when you need me the most”

A scoff left your lips as you listened to words “You think I need you?!?” You snarled, eyes meeting his for the first time without tears in them, instead being filled with anger “ha, you actually think that I need you right now... I haven’t needed you since the day you lied to me Mason! When you pushed me out your life like a loaded gun. God, I haven’t needed you since you put your dick into a different slut every week, telling me there wasn’t anything to worry about while you were partying with you lads & whores! & After that! after all that you put through you think I still need you! Your deluded!”

“(y/n) ...” He tried to interrupt, but just as you were getting started you weren’t finished with your verbal attack just yet.

“Why did you do it?” You whispered, over the noise of your heavy breathing “Why did you ruin everything that built... everything we worked so hard for?”

“Please don’t do this...” Mason breathed out, turning away from you in hopes to block out your heavy but truthful words.

“Why?” You laughed sarcastically, the alcohol one and truly speaking “Is it too painful Mase... is it to hard to think that you, the angel in everyones lives, the man that everybody think is perfect broke me! All because you wanted to fit in with the crowd, become the stereotypical fuck boy footballer... cause that’s cool isn’t it?!? Cheating on your girlfriend every single night because you couldn’t keep it in your pants! Making her feel so worthless to the point she thought she had to change herself to a girl that deserved you! So go... please leave. Find the next girl that will fall for your bullshit and be her because I am not going to be that character in your fucked up tail ever again! I gave you a chance to live the life you wanted when I left and never came back... so now it’s your turn to leave! Go live it.”

“I don’t want it for god sake!” Mason cried tears of frustration as he walked towards you with anger, not with you but his self “I want you, I only ever want you. I messed up okay, I hurt you when I swore I wouldn’t... but please believe me when I say I loved you, I still fucking do... & You are right, I did want to fit in with my friends, I did think I want that life but I don’t anymore. I just want you... When you left my world broke because you weren’t in it... and I know I deserve to be feeling that way, but I also deserved an explanation of why! I could have changed for you; I would have changed”

There was one time when seeing him cry made your heart break but know all you did was pity him and not in the good way. “You wouldn’t have changed!” You said rolling your eyes “You would have just laughed in my face and told me another one of your bullshitting lies, but not anymore” Walking towards him, your had jabbed his chest like a dagger to his heart as your eyes displayed nothing but hatred “You did this to yourself. You caused this... not me, not your friends or the media... you! I gave you everything, my heart, my trust, my soul and what did I get in return... lies and empty promises!” Your tears mirrored each other’s as you looked into the eyes you once fallen in love with “You are bad man, Mason Tony Mount... one of the worst kind and there is no fixing that... so deal with the damage you not only did to me, but also yourself! Good luck...” Without another word you pushed past him, feeling sober all sudden as your legs carried you out of the club. Your frantic run and silent tears gathered the attention of soph and kai who didn’t hesitate to follow you. They didn’t have to be genius’s to know what had happened, they knew there was only one person who could do this to you!

It was Mason’s turn to see a ghost as you ran out that room, once again running out of his life and this time for permanent. You weren’t the same girl he left that night; you weren’t the girl he fell in love with just to break... that girl was gone, replaced with heartbreak and a wall so high that not even the best climbers in the world could reach the top.

But that’s what love does... it takes an innocent person, feeds them false realities and get them tangled into a web of lies, leaving them to be just a shell of what they use to be...

He couldn’t help but think of what could have been with the two of you... marriage? Kids? Growing old together? Still in love? But he ruined that. & the sad truth was you might have been still falling in love...

If he was a better man!

[slafkovskys]

pls part two to that holtzy blurb

warnings: mentions of a past arguement

read part one here!

you watch as a pair of kids roll by on their scooters. you knew them, had seen them around. they were the only actual kids who lived in your former neighborhood of strictly college kids. you think that one of their grandparents was a professor or something, that’s what one of them had told you once, who had moved into the neighborhood back before the students had taken it over and it was mostly families. they also let it slip that they were only allowed to visit on sundays because that’s when everyone was too hungover to come outside.

they wave and you send one back before resting your head back on your arms. you hear the familiar squeal of the front door before the screen door slams shut almost immediately after. he’s quiet for a moment, just lingering behind you before he finally opens his mouth, “i thought you had left.”

“you said that you wanted to talk and i’m ready to be done with this,” the with us is silent, but the audible gulp he makes lets you know that it’s understood. the boards creak under his weight as he crosses them to sit beside you on the steps. you move your mug and rest it on your knee, “did you see the ibuprofen that i left out for you?”

“i did, thanks,” he chuckles. he nudges his hand toward the tupperware containers at the edge of the steps, “have you seen wiley yet?”

“he came to say hi a little while ago,” you smile at the mention of the stray you had taken responsibility for during your time at the house. the boys pretended to hate it at first, but after naming him and spotting a fresh box of the same brand of cat food you used to buy for him, it made you happy to know they kept up your task of making sure he was fed. you move your arms to wrap them around your knees before clearing your throat, “you wanted to talk, so let’s talk.”

“i don’t know what you want me to say,” through your peripheral, you watch as rubs a hand over his face, letting out a wince when he reaches his mouth. you still refused to look at him. “last night, that- i- that was the first time that something like that happened since you left-”

you scoff, “if we’re going to talk, you can at least tell the truth. you asked me to leave.”

“i did not. we got into an argument and the next thing that i know, your side of the closet is empty and the key is on the counter!”

“you said that you weren’t ready for the things that i was,” it was your turn to swallow the lump in your throat as the memories from that night come flooding back. the yelling, the tears, the slamming of the front door as steve left and you had started to shove your things into bags, “you’re the one that said that things were moving too fast and that you didn’t need me. what did you want me to get from that, steve? that you still wanted me to sleep beside you every night like i didn’t hear the person that i loved the most say those things? that i wasn’t wasting my time?”

he sighs, “i shouldn’t have said those things in the heat of the moment, or in any capacity, because i didn’t mean them. at the time, i didn’t know what i wanted, but now i do. it’s you, y/n. you’re all that i want.”

“and it took me leaving for you to figure that out?” you utter the same thing that you had the night before, pulling on the sleeve of the shirt you had borrowed from his dresser to sleep in.

“y/n, i-” he buries his head in his hands, “these past two months i have been miserable without you. nothing makes sense. i want you with me and i am prepared to do whatever you want me to do to prove that to you.”

you slip into an uncomfortable silence, you keeping a grip on your coffee cup so tight you worry it might break and him, you still won’t offer him more than a glance. you watch as a girl stumbles down the sidewalk in a mini dress and up the path to her house, barely making it to the front door before she loses the contents of her stomach. the two kids watch before sharing a glance and scooting off in the direction of their grandparents’ house.

“i want you to promise me something, steve,” you say as you push yourself up off the stairs. you look at him then and that’s when you finally see the extent of the damage that was done to his face, more swollen and bruised than it was the night before, “the next time that something happens like last night or if you even think about calling me, don’t. and you can pass that onto your boys. that privilege stopped two months ago. it’s time for you to let me go.”

“y/n-”

“i loved you a lot, steve and i’m sorry that you couldn’t see that when you had the chance.”

[shipmistress9]

It Was Never Supposed To Be

Fandom: The Empyrean - Fourth Wing

Rating: T

Pairing: Imogen/Dain.

Summary:

Dain and Imogen are more than just squadmates. Their first months, challenges, the gauntlet, and threshing made a spark develop between them, one neither of them can resist. But when Dain's signet develops in a moment of intimacy and he sees a memory he shouldn't have seen, Imogen is left with only one choice. Kill the man who is slowly becoming more than just a friend to her, or everything is lost. Or… is there an alternative?

AN: Okay, this is not my usual pairing. But this is not a shipping fic either, not really. It's more a headcanon/theory I had a long while ago, that I voiced out loud on the discord last night, and then ended up writing down in one insane sitting. 😆 Enjoy. 😊

(AO3)

. o O o .

Imogen knew that it was stupid. A mistake, probably. But hey, life in the Riders Quadrant was insane, anyway. Unpredictable. Who knew who would still be alive to see the next sunrise, after all.

And if Garrick insisted on being a coward, then she’d have to find other ways to entertain herself until he came to his senses.

And maybe doing so by doing Aetos junior wasn’t the best of ideas, either. But fuck it. He might be a naive rule-following nepo-baby, but at least he was easy on the eye. More than that, if she was honest with herself. Dain Aetos was smoking hot—at least as long as he kept his mouth shut. And thankfully, she knew some ways to keep his mouth… otherwise occupied.

With a sly smile on her face, Imogen leaned against the doorframe after knocking on Dain’s door. These private rooms really were great. Threshing and them becoming riders with their own rooms had already been two months ago, but after the crowded sleeping halls from the first few months (and the ever-watchful eyes of her cursed foster parents), this level of privacy still felt strange to her.

Dain opened the door with a look of confusion on his face, but that quickly shifted into a smirk when he spotted her. “Hey, stranger,” he greeted her with his usual teasing smirk. “What brought you to this door?”

As if they both didn’t know the reason why she was here. But still, she played along. It was a game, and even though Imogen tended to roll her eyes about it, she also kinda enjoyed it.

“Oh, it’s nothing serious,” she said, blinking innocently. “My room is just so cold, you know?” With one hand on his chest, she nudged him back into his room, and Dain didn’t even pretend to resist. “So I was wondering. Maybe you might have a spare blanket for me?”

She leaned in, her lips ghosting over his. Not kissing him, she never made the first move like that. But she enjoyed dangling what he wanted right in front of him until he willingly threw all his stupid rules over board.

“Hmm, I don’t think so,” he murmured, his strong hands landing on her waist and pulling her flush against him. “Despite your convictions, I don’t get special treatment around here.”

Imogen scoffed, and it wasn’t even for show. Did he really not see how all Professors treated him differently? Bless his innocence. “Too bad,” she sighed, making to retreat from his hold. “Guess then I have to find someone else who can help me stay warm tonight.”

That was it.

Dain let out a small growl, then pulled her back against him, his lips pressing against hers as he turned them around until her back was pressed against the wall. Grinning at her victory, Imogen gave in to the kiss, let her hands roam over his shoulders before sliding down and beneath the fabric of his tunic. He was so easy, barely any challenge. But that was okay, he made up for it with his enthusiasm and, hands down, with some great techniques.

. o O o .

It was easily two hours later when Dain slumped down next to her on his bed, both of them breathless from yet another more than satisfying tryst. Imogen grinned lazily, her body nearly too worn out to even turn and cuddle against his side. She wasn’t usually one for cuddles after sex for fun, but… Well, this thing between her and Dain was slowly developing into something more than just a string of unconnected one-night-stands. Not something serious, not love or anything cheese like that. Besides, he had some future scribe girl waiting for him, anyway. But for now, it was comfortable. Maybe not quite friends with benefits, but on a good way getting there.

“I hope this was sufficient to warm you up for tonight,” Dain murmured, his eyes already drooping with fatigue. “Because I don’t think I’ll be awake for long enough to get you another blanket.”

Chuckling, Imogen made to punch him in the ribs, but there was no bite to it, no strength left. “Guess I’ll have to stay here then,” she murmured instead. “So you can keep me warm.”

Dain hummed and rolled onto his side to wrap his arm around her waist. “Guess I can live with that.” He placed one hand against her cheek to turn her head and place a soft kiss against her cheek—but froze before his lips touched her skin. For a second, his eyes grew vacant, as if he wasn’t seeing his dimly-lit room at all, then he sucked in a breath.

He pulled away from her with a suddenness that threw her off guard, made her turn onto her back and blink up at him in confusion. “Uh, w-what happened?”

But Dain just stared at her, all softness from moments before gone. “They… they’re smuggling weapons,” he whispered.

Imogen went rigid. He couldn’t know that, couldn’t mean what she thought he meant. He couldn’t. “What are you talking about?” she asked, forcing an incredulous laugh into her voice.

Dain blinked again and shook his head, as if he needed to clear his head. “Riorson. And Tavis. And Telery. They’re stealing weapons and bringing them to the gryphon riders. Some strange daggers. We have to do something, tell leadership. They’re aiding the enemy.”

No, no, no, no, no! This couldn’t be happening. A wave of panic threatened to overwhelm Imogen. How could he know? But she had to play it cool. She couldn’t lose it now, or they were all dead.

Laughing, Imogen shook her head. “What are you talking about? Where is that insane idea coming from? Did you have some weird dream? I didn’t even realise you were asleep already.”

Frowning, Dain looked at her, clearly trying to figure this puzzle out. “I… I saw it. Just now, in my head.”

Her laugh was more genuine this time. “So, it really was a dream?” she teased him. “I get that you can’t stand Riorson and I admit he’s a piece of shit more often than not. But that’s a bit much, don’t you think?”

But Dain shook his head. “No, it was no dream. I saw it as clearly as I’m now seeing you, and I… I just know it was more than a dream. It was…” He trailed off, then his eyes widened. “I saw it in your head,” he whispered. “Your memories. It’s got to be my signet. Oh Gods, I have a signet!” An excited grin spread across his face.

But Imogen couldn’t share in that grin. Dain had a signet. And it was fucking memory-reading. They were all so fucked.

“Now, that would be cool,” Imogen said with faux enthusiasm. “But even if that was your signet, wouldn’t you need to train it first? I mean, can you read my memories now?”

She had to know. She had to know how much he knew, how his signet worked. How dangerous he was. And if it was as she feared… Oh, Gods, she’d have to kill him. Leadership would kill him anyway, mind-readers weren’t allowed to live. But she had to kill him before he told anyone about the weapon runs or every single marked one would be dead.

Oh Gods.

She’d never killed anyone before.

Dain cocked his head at her, then frowned. “No, I… I can’t see anything.” His shoulders slumped, and if the situation wouldn’t have been so fucked up, Imogen would have wanted to comfort him. “But still, what I saw…” He trailed off, thinking, and Imogen waited with bated breaths. Maybe she could still turn this around, convince him that what he’d seen wasn’t real. Maybe…

“I was touching you,” he suddenly exclaimed, his hand darting out to cup her cheek. “I was touching you and—” He broke off, his eyes going vacant once again, and cold dread settled deep in Imogen’s stomach.

This was bad. This was so, so bad.

With a gasp, Dain pulled his hand away from her skin, anger clouding his eyes. “You!” he spat. “You’re helping them. You’re all traitors, every single one of you.”

No, no, no, no, no, this couldn’t be happening. Imogen let out a low curse as Dain scrambled away from her. She couldn’t let him leave with this knowledge, couldn’t let him run to daddy and sell them all out.

“Okay, stay calm,” she tried to persuade him. “This is not what you think it is. We’re not working against Navarre here but actually for the people, here and beyond the border. There are other enemies out these, enemies that—”

“I don’t want to hear your lies,” Dain spat, interrupting her. Hatred simmered in his eyes, unrelenting and unforgiving. “You all deserve getting executed for your crimes.”

He moved to get off the bed, probably to run to his daddy right away, but Imogen was faster. She couldn’t let this happen. She didn’t want to kill Dain, especially with his sweat still drying on her skin, but she would do it. For the good of all marked ones—for their entire continent, really—she would do it.

But… fuck!

If only she could make these last few minutes undone.

Tears formed in her eyes as she and Dain fought. Imogen caught him by surprise and tackled him back onto the bed, but Dain recovered quickly. He twisted, one leg around her waist and a moment later, it was she who was pinned to the mattress. Dain tried to climb over her, to leave, to doom them all, but Imogen caught his arm and hurled him back, on top of her, then around.

Back and forth it went. Always each other’s equal on the mat, neither of them easily got the upper hand. But eventually, Imogen had him beneath her, her legs on either side of his waist, holding on tight, and with her hands around his neck.

She didn’t want to kill him. She had to, but she didn’t want to. She didn’t want it, dammit.

If only there was another way.

From one second to the next, energy flooded her entire being. It raced up her spine and into her head, her mind, making her gasp and her eyes flying wide. Was this… was this what everyone was talking about? Was she channelling?

“Yes,” Glane purred in her usual rich timbre. “Now, use it!”

Imogen felt like her head was going to explode. The energy was too much, too hot. It was fraying her from the inside, making her head pound as if it was about to burst. Somewhere in a distant part of her mind, she realised she was screaming.

But none of that mattered. Not when Dain was still fighting her, when her moment of distraction was about to give him the upper hand. She had to end it, now.

With renewed strength she surged forward, her hand around his neck tightening, ready to end it, ready to—reach into him?

Time stopped. Or was it slowed? Imogen didn’t know. All she knew was that, from one moment to the next, her hands were inside Dain. Not for real, not literally, but… They were in his mind. Sifting through his thoughts—no, his memories. She couldn’t see them, couldn’t watch them like he’d done with her, but…

Frowning, she caressed against the latest one, the one of his deadly terror from just heartbeats ago, and in an instant, it vanished. Dumbfounded, Imogen stared at the place (was it a place when it only existed in someone’s mind?) where the memory just had been. Nothing remained, not even a blank space, the other memories reorganising to fill the gap. Still confused, he reached for the next one, their fight. She couldn’t see the memory, only got a brief idea of what it was about, but it was enough. Especially when it, too, vanished without a trace.

Imogen sucked in a harsh breath. In rapid speed, her mental fingers reached for Dain’s other memories, everything that had happened during these last couple of minutes. Up to the moment when he’d touched her face.

The moment ended. With force, her mind got thrown back into her body, enough so that her hands slipped from Dain’s neck, her body going limp on top of him. She felt drained, exhausted, in a way she’d never felt before. If he were to fight her now, he wouldn’t be met with any resistance at all.

But thankfully, he didn’t try to fight her.

“I hope this was sufficient to warm you up for tonight,” Dain murmured, his hands loosely resting on her hips and his eyes already drooping with fatigue. “Because I don’t think I’ll be awake for long enough to get you another blanket.”

Imogen stilled. Could this be real? Had he really… forgotten? Fighting her own fatigue, she struggled to get into a sitting position again, gazing down at Dain in disbelief.

“What’s up, Cardulo?” he hummed in his usual soft bedroom voice. “Still not done after that ride? I’m not sure I can go another round, but if you give me a few minutes to recover, I—”

He broke off when Imogen climbed off him, as quickly as if bitten by a snake.

“Hey, wait. What?” He struggled to follow her as she grabbed her tunic and leathers and quickly got dressed again. “Did I… say something stupid? I’m sorry. I—” He reached for her but Imogen made a quick step away from him.

“Don’t!” she hissed with enough venom to make him freeze. “Don’t you dare touch me. Not ever again, you hear me, Aetos?”

“What?” The confusion and hurt in his eyes cut deeper into her heart than she liked to admit. “I… I don’t understand. What happened?”

Fuck. She had to finish this. Before he became suspicious.

“Nothing happened,” she snapped. “I just finally came to my senses. This was a stupid idea. I never should have come here in the first place.”

“What… are you talking about?”

Oh, his voice sounded so broken. Imogen had to grit her teeth against breaking as well. “All of this.” She gestured at him. “You’re not what I want. And you can admit it, I’m not what you want, either. So I’m leaving. And don’t you dare follow me. If you ever try to touch me again, I swear to Amari I’ll break your arms into a dozen little pieces.”

Dain rocked back, stunned. “But.. but I thought…”

“Well, you thought wrong,” she said sweetly, the fake smile deliberately not reaching her eyes. “Bye, Aetos.”

And then she left.

Somehow, she made it back to her room, though she didn’t remember even one step, and as soon as the door closed behind her, she sank down onto the floor.

“Well,” Glane’s voice slid like velvet into her mind. “That wasn’t what I had in mind, but it worked.”

“He’ll hate me for this,” Imogen murmured, her vision swimming. “He’ll never speak to me again, never look at me again like… like…” Like she meant something to him? That was silly. Idiotic. It had just been sex, for fuck’s sake. No emotions involved.

Glane hummed. “No, he won’t.” Imogenfelt like her dragon was nudging her with her head, a rare gesture of comfort. “But remember that he would have betrayed you and your cause in an instant. It’s better this way.”

Imogen cringed, but she couldn’t deny that Glane was speaking the truth. Then she straightened. “I have to warn the others. If Dain can read memories now, then everything is in danger.” She tried to get back onto her feed, but her legs were too weak to hold her, her knees shaking. Fuck, she had no time for this.

“Go to bed, Vicious One. I’ll inform Sgaeyl, and then you and her human can talk about it tomorrow.”

Imogen shuddered at the thought of Riorson’s navy dragon. If anyone should be called ‘vicious’, it had to be her. But she wouldn’t complain. Getting some sleep sounded like a fantastic idea.

And tomorrow… Tomorrow, she would have to learn how to convincingly hate Dain Aetos.

[infinite-hearteyes]

#SaveWarriorNun

(contains spoilers for Warrior Nun, Killing Eve, The Haunting of Bly Manor, The 100)

Well, here we are again. 

If I’m being honest, this kind of not quite unexpected disappointment is becoming really fucking tiring. 

Less than 24 hours ago, I read the news on Twitter that Warrior Nun had been cancelled by Netflix. I've already cried, a bunch of times. I've felt hopeless. And I'm angry. Fuck, I'm mad...

Barely a month after its second season was unceremoniously dropped onto the streaming service without so much as an ounce of promo by Netflix, any hopes for a third season have been stomped into the ground. It’s hard to believe we had to sit through a 2,5 year wait between season 1 and 2 only for this to happen… 

2022 certainly seems to be challenging 2016 for the title of ‘worst year for wlw television’. For me, the year started off with the ending of Killing Eve. Being a show that had unapologetically showcased a queer lead from its very beginning, I must admit I had quite high hopes for how they were going to wrap up this story. Admittedly, the quality of the writing had certainly slipped since its incredible first season, but still. There were so many ways in which they could have brought the storylines of Villanelle and Eve to a close, that I really thought they would’ve had it in the bag. It didn’t even have to be a ‘happy’ ending in order to provide a passionate (and largely queer) fanbase the closure they craved. 

A great example of queer tragedy being done right, to me at least, is The Haunting of Bly Manor. It portrayed the death of Dani in a way that was incredibly truthful to the overall storyline, but also to her character arc. It wasn’t there just for shock; it wasn’t a simple plot device to push another character’s storyline through. It was tragic, and it was beautiful. Moreover, I would point out that Bly never showed Dani’s actual death on screen, which to me, is another huge difference. It showed a sense of respect, not only for her as a character, but for us as the audience too. Whether that was intentional on the writers’ part or not, I definitely appreciated it. Did I still cry my eyes out for an hour after watching the finale? Yes, obviously. But it felt right. 

The writers of Killing Eve season 4, however, clearly did not have this kind of respect for their audience or characters. As someone who was part of the fight against the Bury Your Gays trope back in 2016, it felt like they watched episode 3.07 of The 100 and said, “you know what, we should do that too”. The utter carelessness with which they showed Villanelle and Eve what happiness could be like for them, only to rip it away from them (and us) mere minutes later, was disgusting. And on top of that, unbelievably unoriginal too. Lexa and Clarke, anyone? 

So that was the start of 2022 for me. Villanelle’s death left me feeling like nothing had changed over the past 6 years since Lexa, as though we were back at square one. Of course, that’s not quite the case, but the hopelessness that comes with seeing this occur over and over again is certainly quite exhausting. 

Then came along one of the most campy tv shows I have ever watched: First Kill. Did I absolutely love it? No, not really. But was it a fun watch when I wanted to shut off my brain for a second? Definitely. Besides: campy, cringey, young adult series are found all over the place, and it was great to get to have that for the lesbians too! Unfortunately, it received nearly no promotion from Netflix (hmm, anyone seeing a pattern here?) up until just before it aired. After that, people went crazy over it. Was it the best show ever? Nope, but not everything needs to be! Not that I’ve ever watched it, but how many seasons is Riverdale at again? It was silly, and weird, and over-the-top, and super super gay. Which, of course, sealed the deal for Netflix. Can’t have a successful show about a bunch of lesbians, now can ya? 

During the rest of this year, it’s felt like every other week, you’d hear about a new cancellation of shows centering sapphic, bipoc and trans* characters and storylines. I’ll admit, I haven’t watched many of them, because, well… Hard to commit to a show when you already know what to expect. 

And then, Warrior Nun came back. Oh boy, was I obsessed with this show when season 1 came out back in 2020. I was going through a rough patch (who wasn’t, this is 2020 we’re talking about) and this show was a great escape. Although I was at first doubtful because of its title, once I saw a preview, I was sold. I think I pretty much binged all 10 episodes. After that, I joined the (absolutely lovely) cast, crew, and the bunch of us viewers that had fallen in love with these characters, for the weekly WarriorNunWednesdays. Those nights, watching and live-tweeting along with everyone, certainly made it obvious just how much these people cared about the show. Interacting with the incredible actresses, writers, directors and crew was fantastic. One of the few positives about that time in my life, truly. 

Of course, there was a long wait for season 2. But I was okay with that, because holy shit, we got a season 2!! And in the end, wow, what a season 2 we got! More gorgeous locations, awesome stunts, perfectly paced character development… what’s not to love? I was super invested in the storyline and the characters, who each were fully fleshed out and lovable in their own ways. And Avatrice, oh, Avatrice… The type of quality slowburn that I generally seem to only be able to find in fanfiction. Such incredible chemistry between these women, and oh my god, the dancing scene in the very first episode?! Mindblowing. 

Was I pissed at the lack of promo from Netflix? The fact that it was left completely up to the fans and the cast to take up that work? … I think you can imagine my answer to that by now. But we did great! Let that be very clear, and allow yourself to be proud of that: we supported this show beautifully. And did y’all see those ‘hours watched’ for each week?! All the awesome reviews, and the audience score?! We. did. great. 

Unfortunately, and I think it’s pretty clear by now, Netflix probably never had any intention to renew Warrior Nun for a third season. They don’t care about these delicately told stories, these awesome queer women leads. They have no interest in gorgeous cinematography, or insane stunt sequences. And they certainly don’t give a damn about passionate fans. It sucks that the likes of Netflix hold so much power in this industry, when all that should be important is quality creative storytelling. Fuck you, capitalism… 

It’s sad, and sometimes infuriating, that it never feels like you can fully enjoy a show because of the constant threat of cancellation. But we fought well. And if there’s any chance left, we won’t stop fighting, I know that. This show, and these people, deserve nothing less. I’ll repeat that which we were all saying back in 2016: we deserve better. Don’t forget that. 

If you’ve gotten this far, thank you for sticking with my rant. Know that we can and will bring change to this tv landscape. There are so many of us, so many who care. Seek out community, take care of yourself and others. Let yourself feel all the feelings that come up. Cherish what you love, keep being creative. It will get better. Yeah, cliché, I know, but it will. 

To quote Emily Andras: “Everyone’s happy ending is unique. Don’t settle until you get yours.” 

In this life or the next…

[returntosaturn271995]

September 30th: 5 K (the prequel)

Rainy days have a folksy ambiance to them in beach towns. The sky is a bright grey with slivers of white gold sun bouncing off the ocean.

They also happen to be my favorite days to run as I hit a completely doable 5 K today, exactly a week before the race. I cried staring into the ocean that was so hauntingly beautiful it looked like the setting of a lesbian period piece. You know, if there weren't so many stoner surfers bobbing around with their stupid waterproof watches.

Two days ago I was only able to get to 2.6 miles, with stops, due to my shin splints. I was worried I wouldn't even be able to run next week and have to admit that I couldn't hit a pretty reasonable goal.

Today I went non-stop at a faster pace.

I promised myself it would be an easy run, and on my body it was. My head wouldn't shut up. That's what I'm working with and against.

Holy hell if that hasn't been a metaphor for everything lately.

I thought I was going too slow at multiple points, sure that I was going at a 12-minute pace when I was actually going 9. Going 9 felt really slow. It still required effort and conscious relaxation. It required fortitude, love, and a sense of humor.

It did not, nor will it ever, require "PUSH PUSH, GRIND YOU LITTLE BITCH, KEEP GOING, KEEP GRINDING".

I do not grind. I flow. Too much screaming and I want to sit poutily and light a cigarette (and I don't even smoke).

Instead, a voice that didn't belong to a mean P.E. coach (or let's be real, my dad), pulled me forward instead of pushing. "You can absolutely do this, just keep breathing and moving through it. Relax your shoulders, breathe into your stomach, you can jog, just keep going. If you go slow, that just means you ran for longer."

Is 3.1 miles in 25-30 minutes a big deal? No. But it's a huge fucking deal to me. My royal blue "Pacific Beach 5 K and half marathon" tank top and placard came in the mail and they're mine. I'm just a regular running chick. That's exciting.

I also hit 39.1 (because the .1 counts more than you'll ever know) miles this month. 63 K. Over 6 hours of running. I'm going to be proud of that. I have to let myself be proud of that or what's the point?

At 23, I would have taken a knock and cried in bed, hurting and hating myself. At 28, I stretch and exercise before crying and then pay for my own Outback Steakhouse LIKE A WOMAN.

My mind keeps circling back to my therapy challenge for this month. Why do I feel like a certain level of self-compassion is self-delusion? 23-year-old me deserved to be held and told she could handle things in smaller steps, and that it's human to feel overwhelmed and unworthy. She needed the voice to pull her forward into little tasks and goals instead of the scary coach making everything into a race that felt impossible to win.

Standing under the gorgeous pier with actual tears in my eyes, I saw a family of four, two little girls, taking photos. Passing the condos I saw a truly iconic MILF in her late 40s sipping red wine with a tasteful taupe poncho off a tanned shoulder, sitting at a marble table with long nails and blown-out hair.

The showers where I normally wash the sand off my toes were broken so I held my Asics in my right hand and walked bare-foot and red-faced up the pier. Were men staring at my abs or judging me for being barefoot? What's delulu and what's trulu? (If you're reading this in the future that's a super trendy joke FYI. I am a woman of the times.)

Either way, fuck 'em.

Then it started raining. It cleaned off my feet and ruined an already pretty-fucked up ponytail. I didn't care. It was warm rain, the kind that sprinkles you with kisses and hides the occasional tear.

I felt like I had done something right. And often oh god I feel so wrong.

Of course that was therapy question number 2.

Who would you be if you didn't believe something was wrong with you?

[mayullla]

Title: Your Grandfather's gift

Character(s): Zhongli

Summary: Haunted doll au; Your grandfather could hear the sound of the dolls, and you could too ever since you were a few months old. As you reach your hands to the doll with brown hair and gold eyes in your mother's arms.

Warnings/tags: Grandfather pov, fem!reader, child!reader (for now), horror, basically haunted dolls, themes of obsessions (there is no romance in this but I guess it is more considered greed than anything)

Haunted doll au masterlist

In all his life he had made many dolls, porcelain dolls in particular. Durable yet looked so fragile, he was interested in them when he was a boy and visited a toy shop he didn't know why it was a feeling really but when he first saw a doll in the hands of a little girl who was also in the store he could hear it almost childlike laughter from the doll when it was held by its owner.

He never got the reason why that was the case he was a child too after all, not that he would ever understand it even as he grew up but to a small mind it was fascinating.

He wanted to talk to these dolls, he wanted to know their secrets and why he was able to listen to them but what he wanted to do most was create them. It was like creating life, no?

When he became older, he ended up becoming an apprentice by one of the famous doll makers. That elder saw potential in him when they saw the dolls that he had made. Made with cheap materials and imperfect yet there was something there that also made it special.

Your grandfather listened to the sounds of the dolls, there were no words that he could understand it was almost like static yet he could feel when a doll wanted something or when it was just delighted to be made. He had made many dolls practicing his craft some sold some did not but something he noticed was how strong the emotions were in each doll.

He wasn't sure really sometimes he thought that the more detailed the doll was or the more treasured it was then the stronger that invisible light was. Yet that was not the case, a doll that he made that took months came out with the smallest light while a doll that was just made out of practice than anything had a stronger light or emotion than the one that took the most details out of all dolls. There were also dolls that once had a small light suddenly become huge, sometimes almost yelling in his ear. 

Your grandfather hated when something bad happened to the dolls. If a doll ended up eroding so much that he can't fix it or them suddenly breaking into pieces, dropped by clumsy hands. Because even if he was disappointed that his creation was destroyed the mourning of the other dolls could sometimes go on for days if not months.

The sound of cries and pain, a constant ringing that he could not cover even with his own hands. It hurt was just only a little bearable when he left the building yet would come back when he goes back.

All this was not normal, your grandfather knew it as he understand what was happening around him. When he told his parents at such a young age that he could talk to dolls or the weird look that his colleagues and teacher gave him when he asked if they could hear the voices. It tightly sewed his mouth shut so much so that in the end not even his wife nor children ever knew about his power.

Your grandfather remembers that time a long ago when he continued and continued to make doll after doll to improve his craft. Most of them were made of cheap materials that they soon rotten over time leaving only one left.

A doll he named Zhongli, he noticed it's clothes continued to deteriorate, small cracks here and there yet it was just barely holding itself. It was holding itself as if he didn't want to go, to leave.

He didn't know what compelled him when his son's daughter only a few weeks old finally visited did he watch you a little baby eyes continue to watch the doll on the shelf and when you grew closer to it you would laugh and reach out for that old doll making very small sounds of wanting, raining your hands to reach it.

Your father was surprised when your grandfather tried to gift the doll to you. As your father knew Zhongli was a doll that his dad had so many memories with but when your grandfather insisted your dad had no choice but to take that doll.

The next time your grandfather saw that doll it was in your arms as you cling to it. There was a bit of droll stuck on the doll but your grandfather can't believe his eyes when he saw the light that was slowly dimming come back with a soft yet bright glow brighter than the glow that the doll once had only to dim when it was held by other, dimming even more when you started to cry being apart from you.

Your grandfather didn't understand what he was doing when he took the doll away from your parents giving the doll back to you to see your laugh again making grabbing motions while the doll light glowed back again.

[hoedamn-eron]

broken heating - part 1

Your breakup with Jake hurt, but running into Steven afterwards hurt more.

Warnings: Reader is in an exclusive relationship with Jake. Inaccurate depictions of DID (only knowledge from the show and some light research). Mentions of alcohol and being drunk (and throwing up). Angst. Not proofread (hence the edit - there was a typo!) Word count: 1,730 GN!Reader, no use of Y/N.

This got away from me a little bit, so apologies if it doesn't flow as well as I aimed it to!

Part 2

Jake Lockley broke up with you on a Thursday evening. You’d gotten in late from work, and it had been pouring with rain. You’d left your umbrella at the flat, completely trusting the weather report that morning, so you’d come in soaked, dripping on the wooden floor of the flat. Jake was sat on the couch, watching you with hard eyes. It was odd, but you didn’t question it. He hadn’t fronted for a while, he was probably feeling a little out of it.

“Sorry I’m late, have you eaten?” you close the door behind you and place your bag on the floor. “We can get a pizza in, if you want, my treat since I’ve kept you waiting – “

“We should end this.”

It had taken you by surprise, of course it had. You thought you were both in a good place, you’d been talking about moving into the flat. You had asked him why, and he’d shaken his head at you, merely stating that his way of life just couldn’t fit you in. Of course you’d called bullshit, Steven and Marc didn’t seem to have any issues with an extra person being around. This was something specifically Jake.

You had fought, and cried, and eventually, you left. You would give him a few days to think about it, maybe he’d just had a bad day. You’d turned up at the flat after work on the Monday after that awful Thursday, only for Marc to be fronting. He didn’t say a word to you, his eyes rolling back slightly as Jake came to the surface. He just gave you that same hard stare as he asked why you were there.

“Because…I thought we should talk about Thursday – “

“I don’t have anything else to say.”

You blinked at him, the tears pooling in your eyes quickly. You hadn’t even made it into the flat. “So you…you just want to end this? After two years?”

Jake nodded and you take a step back, your chest suddenly feeling too tight.

“You can come back tomorrow and collect your things, Marc will be back by then.”

And he just shut the door in your face. You left sobbing.

You’d sent your friends to collect your stuff. You couldn’t face Marc. They’d told you it was an in and out job, that Jake had already gathered your things for you to collect. Seeing your broken expression when they dropped the box off at your own flat, your friends took you out as soon as they could, and got you drunk, but of course that didn’t make you feel any better. In fact, you threw up all over the cab home and had to pay extra for clean up. You stumbled into your flat and barely closed and locked the door before you collapsed to the floor, already crying.

That had been nearly three months ago.

You’d tried moving on, really, but you couldn’t stop thinking about him. You were nervous to get cabs anywhere in the city in case he was the one driving it (and also you vowed to never get a cab again after the throw up fiasco). So you’d taken to getting the bus and the tube more often than not. At least you wouldn’t run into Jake…you didn’t think you’d be able to manage that. You mentally berated yourself every morning, telling yourself that you didn’t need him, that you should be angry at him, but you weren’t fooling anyone. He’d claimed your heart and crushed it in front of you.

You woke up to yourself wrapped up in your duvet like a burrito. The heating had gone in your flat, and the landlord was taking his sweet time getting someone to fix it, so you’d been going to your friend’s for showers and hot water. Luckily, she didn’t live too far away.

You sent her a quick text, letting her know you’d be on your way in the next half an hour. You daydreamed about having hot water again, not having to keep relying on your friend. You made a mental note to contact your landlord again for an update on the boiler situation as you left your flat, duffle bag in hand with your toiletries and towel. You thought that it would be a quick and easy journey, that you’d use her shower for twenty minutes then go back home.

You hadn’t bet on running into Steven.

He spotted you at the same time you spotted him. You couldn’t help that your heart skipped a beat at seeing him, just being reminded of your last conversation with Jake. You didn’t know what to do. Do you say hello? Do you just ignore him and continue to your friends? You didn’t really want to talk to Steven when you were in need of a shower and knowing that you hadn’t moved on whatsoever after the breakup.

It seems like Steven had already made that decision for you because he’s walking over, a bag in his hands of the bookshop he’d just walked out of. You couldn’t escape now. What were you supposed to say? Why was he so far from his flat? Why did he have to come to that book shop?

Steven greets you with your name. “How…how are you?”

You avert your eyes, looking at the ground as you answer. “I’m okay. How are you?”

Steven nodded, giving you a sympathetic look. “Yeah…I’m doing all right. Been up to much?”

You shake your head. “Not really. Work’s kept me busy, so I haven’t had much time for myself. Got yourself a new book?”

Steven gave a nod, looking down at the bag in his hand. “Yes, about Egypt, obviously. This was the only bookshop that had it in stock. Would have gone…somewhere else, otherwise.”

You stood in an awkward silence before you cleared your throat, quickly glancing at him. “Well, I suppose I should get going.”

Steven nodded. “Right, yeah. Okay. Got errands?”

You mentally groaned. Why did he have to ask you questions, why is he making small talk? Can’t he see that your heart was still shattered? He might not be Jake but he bloody looked like him, and that still hurt. “My hot water’s gone so I’ve been showering at my friends until it’s fixed. She doesn’t live far so…” you trail off, not really needing to go into specifics. Couldn’t he see you wanted nothing but the Earth to open up and swallow you whole?

“Oh. That’s a bit of bad luck, init?”

“Yeah, suppose it is.” You gave him a quick smile. “Best be off then.”

As you went to walk past him, feeling like you could start breathing again, Steven calls out to you, “If it’s any consolation, I think he’s an idiot.”

You pause, grimacing before looking back at Steven. “I really don’t want to talk about it, Steven.”

“I know…and I know it’s not my place to say – “

“And I say this in the nicest way possible, but you’re right. It’s not your place to say anything. It wasn’t your relationship.” You didn’t mean to sound harsh, but that was how Jake left you. Harsh. “I don’t even know what I’ve done wrong. He just tossed me out like I was nothing. We were talking about moving in together and now you’re here trying to make small talk, and I can’t do this now, Steven. I’ve just started to get my life back together.”

That wasn’t true but you wanted him to think that you were doing okay.

Steven nodded. “I’m sorry.”

He sounded so broken. Why was he doing this? It was like you’d gotten a divorce and Steven was the child in the middle of it. He didn’t have to explain anything, it wasn’t his doing that Jake broke up with you. You should have left your flat five minutes later, and you could have avoided this part of your day; Steven would have left the bookshop and gone straight home, and you would have made it to your friends with no issues (well, with no more issues).

You feel the tears burning your eyes but you refuse to cry in front of Steven. You bite your bottom lip because you can feel the burning in your throat of a sob threatening to come out. You sniffed, turning away from Steven so he didn’t see the look on your face. “Don’t apologise. As long as you’re all okay, then I can’t ask for much more. I have to go.”

Steven sighed as he nodded. “Okay, yeah, I have to go too. Layla’s in town, so…”

You nod, before taking a deep breath and giving Steven a fake smile. “I’ll see you when I see you, I suppose.”

Before Steven could even get another word in, you are already taking off to your friends flat, not letting the tears fall until you were safely in her building. You gave yourself the time to cry in the lift to her floor (which was thankfully empty this early in the day). Your friend had silently questioned your tear-stained cheeks but you just shook your head. You’d feel better after a shower, and truthfully, it helped a little.

You replayed your conversation with Steven for the next day. You wish you’d been more indifferent, more uninterested, that it had gone a different way. You wish you didn’t blow up the way you did, it wasn’t Steven’s fault, but you couldn’t help but feel contempt towards him. Why didn’t you ask if he knew why Jake ended things? Steven wouldn’t lie to you. Why didn’t you think to ask? There was nothing you could change, but you had the right to know.

But, you’d had your first interaction with the system since the breakup, and you got through it. You had managed to walk away from it, even if you had wanted it to go differently. Now maybe you could put it behind you and try and move on, but you were a little more careful about your surroundings when travelling to your friend’s for a shower.

That was until your landlord sent an email a few days later. He told you he didn’t appreciate you sending 'your fella' to his office demanding to fix your boiler but he’d get someone on it.

Your heating was fixed that afternoon.

[sacredsorceress]

The Long Run || Bucky Barnes

pairing: bucky barnes x doctor!reader

summary: after discovering that you’re bucky’s secret girlfriend, sam invites you on a mission with them. when bucky gets injured and you save his life, you give him news that will change the both of your lives for the better and bucky has a very important question to ask you.

a/n: this is technically a part two to Who’s She?, but can be read w/o the first; reblogs and replies are super appreciated!

word count: 4.9k

warnings: blood, bucky getting shot, mentions of bucky nearly dying, mentions of pregnancy, some swearing, angst, fluff

Who’s She?

masterlist || request || taglist

“Absolutely not.” Bucky told Sam. “No way. We have to find someone else to do it.”

“I’m sorry- do you have any other secret girlfriends lined up?” Sam asked, crossing his arms. “Because from what I understand we’re supposed to be doing this all under the radar and you and I don’t exactly have a lot of friends right now.”

Bucky stood his ground, staring down the man in front of him. “I’m not bringing her into this.”

“You brought her into this as soon as you decided to date her and she knows that.”

Bucky scoffed, rolling his eyes before shoving his finger into Sam’s chest.

“You know- I knew I should have never brought you back to my house.” Bucky said. “I knew I should have let Romanoff have you instead of bringing Y/n into this.”

Sam sighed, stepping away from Bucky, understanding that he was putting him in a difficult situation. Not even a month ago when Sam was shot during a mission, Bucky had brought him and Natasha Romanoff back to your shared home so you could patch him up. Until then, you had remained a secret to them- Bucky being sure to never even mention your name. He kept your relationship a secret from not only the world, but the team to ensure your safety. The last thing he could ever bare despite everything he had been through was for you to get hurt- especially if it was because of him.

Sam could understand. He would be lying if he said he wasn’t afraid of the people around him getting hurt because of his choices. A part of him was envious of Bucky for being able to keep you such a secret, ensuring your safety. He understood that Bucky risked his only sense of normalcy to save him and that you- a stranger to him until that night- risked your safety to help him.

He knew he could only ask so much, but he also knew that you were the best choice.

“I get it, Buck.” Sam told him finally, placing his hand on his shoulder. “I know why you’re worried, but she’ll be fine. If I thought there was any way she could get hurt, I wouldn’t even suggest it, but she’ll be so far away-”

Bucky shook his head, crossing his arms.

“I’m not calling her. Find someone else.” Bucky told him finally, seating himself in a flimsy folding chair across the room.

“Fine.” Sam threw his hands up in the air in defeat. “I guess I’ll just find someone else to be our getaway driver.”

With that, Sam left the room, making a phone call through the door.

A half an hour filled with silence later, Sam and Bucky heard a car pull up outside the small abandoned building. Quickly glancing at each other, they both stood up, making their way out of the room and towards the entrance of the building. Without opening the door they heard knocking coming from the other side. Just as Bucky’s hand went to pull on the door handle, Sam’s hand stopped him, holding his wrist.

“Before-”

Glancing from Sam’s hand on his wrist to his eyes, Bucky furrowed his eyebrows. “Who did you call?”

“Look, b-before you get mad-” Sam attempted to reason.

That was enough for Bucky to pull Sam’s hand off of his wrist and yank open the door. On the other side he was immediately met with your face staring back at him.

Before you could even open your mouth to greet him, Bucky spun around to face Sam.

“What the fuck did I tell you?” Bucky asked, raising his voice. “I told you not to do one thing and you just go ahead and call my girlfriend.”

“There was no other choice-”

“How did you even call her?” He asked, voice still raised, cutting Sam off.

Finally Sam loosened up at the question, turning to look between you and Bucky. “Listen, that’s your own fault. Who doesn’t have a phone password?”

At that, Bucky threw his hands up in the air, turning to face you instead. You smiled, shrugging.

“I told you to put a passcode, baby.”

Looking at your smiling face, Bucky softened up, lowering his voice. He could hardly ever be mad at you.

“Doll, you shouldn’t have come.” He sighed. “You should go back home. Go enjoy your day off. We can handle this on our own.”

You had known your boyfriend long enough to know that he was only speaking out of love for you. The kind of love that drove him to keep you a secret for so long from even his own friends in order to protect you. Although you understood how he wanted to protect you, you also understood that Sam wouldn’t have called you if there were other choices on the table.

“Buck, it’s okay.” You assured him, tugging on his jacket to pull him closer. “Sam said that I’d be fine. Let me help.”

Glancing at your face and looking into what one could only call your “puppy dog eyes” he cursed to himself, knowing he couldn’t resist giving in for you.

“Okay. Fine.” He sighed. “But only if you stay in the car.”

Smiling you tugged on his jacket once more, pulling him down to give him a quick peck on the cheek. “Thank you, Buck.”

“I’m going to regret this aren’t I?”

And he did.

When he, Sam and an injured Natasha Romanoff were running out of an exploding building while agents continued to chase after them still shooting, he was truly regretting ever letting you come on this mission- even though you were only there to serve as their getaway driver and first aid kit for Agent Romanoff.

When you felt the rumble of the explosion shake your car and heard the gunshots going off you jumped in your seat, firmly grasping the wheel. You quickly glanced over your shoulder to see your boyfriend, Sam and Natasha running in your direction and you hovered your foot over the gas, shifting the car into drive.

“Go!” Sam shouted as soon as he got one foot in the door after pushing Natasha inside.

The second your boyfriend slid into the passenger seat you hit the gas at full speed, but before you could speed far enough away you heard one last gunshot sound off before you heard Bucky shout from his seat, swinging the door shut.

Still speeding away at the fastest speed you had ever gone in your life, you turned to face your boyfriend, feeling your heart race in your chest.

“Buck-” You started but before his full name could even slip out of your mouth you could see blood begin to soak the bottom of his shirt. “Oh my god!” You shouted.

“It’s fine-” He attempted to calm you down, groaning while holding his abdomen.

Hearing the commotion, Sam gripped Bucky’s seat, pulling himself up from the back seat to look at Bucky’s wound.

“Shit!” Sam swore.

As soon as the words slipped out of his mouth, Bucky swatted him away.

“You’re not helping, Sam!” He grunted, squeezing his eyes shut and throwing his head back.

“Oh my God. Is it bad?” You asked shakily, meeting Sam’s eyes in the rearview mirror. “It’s bad isn’t it, Sam?”

All you saw was Sam’s eyes wide, staring right back at you in the mirror. Glancing between your gaze in the mirror and Bucky looking over his shoulder glaring at him, Sam shook his head.

“Uh-” He started.

Feeling your hands begin to tremble on the wheel, you glanced back at Sam.

“Sam just tell me-”

“Sam you better shut the hell up!” Bucky shouted.

Realizing that you had driven for long and far enough that the men that were chasing you were no longer still following you, you slammed on the brakes. You heard the grunts of Sam and a incoherent Natasha in the backseat and the muffled shout of pain from your boyfriend besides you. As soon as the car came to a stop, you threw your door open, climbing out of the car and stomping to the passenger side door, swinging it open.

When your eyes met Bucky’s he just shook his head, eyes wide. He knew that no matter how many things you saw in your time as a doctor that it would inevitably hit you differently to see him so badly wounded and he couldn’t bare to see you so upset.

“Bucky,” You said, laying your hands on top of his bloodied ones. “Let me see it.”

He shook his head again.

“Doll-”

“James.” You stated more firmly, gripping his hands. “Take your hands off.”

Knowing that this argument couldn’t go on for much longer without him caving in, he lifted his hands from his wound and when you laid your eyes on the bloodied section of his abdomen you couldn’t help but gasp knowing your boyfriend was injured this badly.

“That bad, huh?” He asked, groaning again.

You had seen plenty of injuries this bad, but you had been in a hospital and they hadn’t been on your boyfriend- the man you swore was the love of your life. Pulling your hands away from the wound, you could feel them begin to tremble as the horror of what was happening washed over your body, gluing you to your spot. When you looked up, rather than looking at Bucky, your eyes met Sam’s who was still sat in the back seat.

Seeing your eyes wide and your hands shaking Sam immediately made his way out of the vehicle to stand by your side. Your boyfriend’s eyes were still squeezed shut in pain and as you stoood watching him you felt Sam’s hands land on your shoulders to turn you to face him instead.

“Y/n?” Sam asked, trying to get you to focus your attention on him. “Y/n you need to breathe.”

You shook your head, staring at him with your eyes wide. You could barely choke the words out. “I-”

“Y/n listen to me.” He said, gently shaking your shoulders. “You need to calm down so you can fix this-”

As soon as the words slipped out of his mouth, you could feel your heart racing in your chest. How could he expect you to do this?

“No, no Sam I can’t-” You told him.

Resilient as ever Sam nodded his head. “Yes you can.” He said. “You have to. The next hospital isn’t for another thirty miles- it’s you or nothing. You can do this, Y/n. You fixed me and you came for Natasha-”

“That’s different.” You sighed.

“I know that, but there’s no other way.”

You rung your trembling hands, looking between Sam and your boyfriend still groaning in the passenger seat of the vehicle.

As you looked at him all you could think about was how you couldn’t lose him- especially not now. You needed him. You didn’t know what you would do without him. You knew Sam was right too- that if it weren’t for you doing something, he wouldn’t survive. You couldn’t allow that to happen. 

Taking a long, deep breath you looked up at Sam.

“Okay.” You nodded.

Sam released you from his grip. “Okay?” He asked, making sure you were willing to help his friend and when you nodded once more he smiled. “Okay. What can I do to help?”

You instructed Sam to go fetch the supplies that you had brought and stored in the trunk when he asked you to come in the case that Natasha would need medical aid after being held hostage by the organization they had just saved her from. Although she was barely coherent on the backseat, you knew that she would be okay compared to your partner who was currently bleeding out in the front seat.

While Sam fetched your supplies, you tugged on the hem of your boyfriend’s shirt, trying to ease it over his head.

“C’mon baby.” You cooed. “The shirt needs to come off.”

In too much pain to speak, he lifted his arms slightly, just enough for you to pull his shirt off of his torso and over his head. When you did, however his dog tags came off with it, slipping into his lap. Just when you were about to turn around to take the kit from Sam, you felt the familiar touch of cool metal grasp your wrist.

When you turned around you first met Bucky’s eyes before following his gaze down to his hand that was balled into a fist, the chain of his dog tag slipping through his fingers.

“What-”

“Take them.” He told you, sighing from the pain. “I want you to take them, Y/n.”

Staring at his dog tags and the solemn look on his face, you could feel your heart practically stop beating in your chest. Bucky had lived a long, complicated life- longer than most, but stolen from him at the same time. He had been given these same dog tags when he was sent to fight in World War II. Although a part of him had died during the war, he had survived to live decades more, the dog tags staying with him.

As he attempted to hand them to you, you realized that although he didn’t admit it- he was sure he was going to die in that moment. He had survived for over a century and because of this one bullet that he could’ve escaped from if he was just an inch to the right he thought he was living through his final moments. The dog tags had survived along with him all this time and you couldn’t bare the thought that he decided that now was the time to give them away.

“Buck, no.” You shook your head. “I can’t take those. You’re going to be okay-”

“Doll.” He said. “Just take them.”

You took his vibranium wrist in your hand and pulled it away from your arm.

“You’re not dying on my watch, okay?” You said finally, turning around to take the kit from Sam. “Now... there’s no easy way to say this... this is going to hurt.”

Bucky couldn’t help but throw you a lopsided smile at your resilience.

“How bad can it be?”

It was bad.

Due to you performing all of this on the field, you hadn’t been able to numb Bucky’s pain at all. Even though he had been through what he thought until now was the most horrible pain a human could ever experience, he could barely sit still throughout the entire thing. As soon as the first shout escaped from his mouth, you had stopped in the middle of what you were doing, glancing over your shoulder at Sam. Without even a word coming out of your mouth you and Bucky watched as Sam undid the belt from around his waist.

“Woah, wait-” Bucky began but before he could even finish, Sam was holding his belt in his hand, offering it to Bucky.

“Here.” Sam told him.

“What- I’m not putting this in my mouth.” Bucky said.

“Man, just put it in your mouth-”

“I am not putting this thing in my mouth, Sam. There has to be something else I can bite down on-”

You shook your head, sighing to yourself as you snatched the belt from Sam’s hand, slipping it into your boyfriend’s mouth. Eyes wide and not in a position to argue, he bit down silently.

“There.”

As soon as you placed the belt in his mouth, you went back to work on his abdomen. As you performed the procedure, removing the bullet and stitching up the wound, you could hear your boyfriend’s muffled shouting. You couldn’t help but cringe and feel hurt knowing how much pain he was in, but you also knew that there was no other way and you had to put him through this so he could come out the other side.

The pain was so bad at one point, however, that after a particularly nasty yell, followed by his legs jolting you looked up to see Bucky swing out his free hand to Sam which Sam took wordlessly. You felt guilty, but you couldn’t help but laugh when while you were still working on stitching up the wound you heard Sam shout.

“Y- you’re crushing my hand! Stop... squeezing.. so hard.”

When you finally finished, pulling your hands away from the freshly stitched wound, you glanced up at Bucky. You could tell immediately that he looked exhausted, slipping his hand out of Sam’s and opening his mouth to let the belt drop onto his lap.

“You can rest now, baby.” You told him, standing up from your kneeling position, wiping your bloodied hands on the cloth that Sam handed you. “Rest.”

As soon as you told him too, Bucky couldn’t help but allow himself to fall into a deep sleep.

When he woke again, he immediately realized that he was laying in a hospital bed and was hyper aware of the needles sticking out of his flesh arm.

His eyes immediately landed on your figure, standing on the other side of a glass wall speaking with a doctor. Suddenly the memories came flooding back into his memory of him getting shot and you saving him with the supplies you had on hand on the side of some abandoned, dirt road. Along with the memories flowing back into his mind, he could feel his chest become full, remembering how you had just saved his life- that you fought against your own fears of hurting him to save him. He had always known that you gave his life meaning, but as he sat there in his bed he realized that he was alive because of you.

Snapping him out of his own thoughts, Bucky heard a voice speak up beside him.

“How are you feeling-”

Before Sam could even finish his sentence, however, Bucky cut him off.

“I need you to do something for me.” Bucky told him, sitting up in his bed with a grunt, still sore.

When Sam heard the urgency in his friend’s tone of voice, he leaned over in his seat, pulling his chair closer to the side of Bucky’s bed.

“What is it?” He asked furrowing his eyebrows.

Bucky knew that he couldn’t wait any longer and he didn’t want to either.

“I need you to go to my apartment.” Bucky told him, giving him instructions. “In the bedroom there’s a safe. The code’s my birthday and I need you to get-”

“Woah, woah, woah.” Sam shook his head. “Slow down. What do you need from a safe right now? Incase you forgot you were just shot.”

This situation was probably the last one Bucky thought he would find himself in when he had first planned the event seven months ago, but he couldn’t stand the idea of waiting any longer. He could barely believe the words coming out of his mouth as he told Sam.

“The ring.”

Upon the two words that Bucky had just said, Sam’s eyebrows creased even more, attempting to understand the words Bucky had just told him. When it finally clicked, Sam leaned back in his seat throwing his hands up in the air.

“A what? Wait.” Sam said and Bucky was almost beginning to regret his decision as a smile began to play on his partner’s face. “You... you have a ring?”

Glancing at where you were still standing to make sure you didn’t hear what the two men were discussing, Bucky turned to face Sam nodding.

“Yeah, a ring.” He said.

Sam shook his head. “You’re going to propose?” He asked, then looked around the room. “Right now?”

Bucky knew that the hospital room he was in wasn’t exactly the ideal situation and when he bought the ring months ago he had ran through all the ideas in the book from a restaurant to a vacation, but he could never decide. In this moment, though, he knew that now was the time to ask.

“Yeah.” Bucky nodded.

Sam just smiled standing up from his seat. “Okay, okay.” He said, patting down his pockets. “I’m gonna go get it- God! I can’t believe this is happening, man!”

Hearing the door to the room open, Bucky glared at his friend, halting himself from having more words slip out of his mouth. Sam nodded, giving his friend a thumbs up before running out of the room.

When your boyfriend’s eyes landed on you and noticed you glancing between Sam and him while laughing, he rolled his eyes.

“What was that about?” You laughed, gesturing towards his friend running out the door.

Keeping his cool as always, Bucky shrugged. “It’s Sam.”

You smiled making your way over to the side of the bed and when you did, Bucky reached his arms out for you. When you sat yourself on the side of the bed next to him, you felt his hands rest on your waist while you played with the dog tags that were once again lying on his chest.

“I was so scared you were going to die, Buck.” You said in a hushed voice.

Seeing the downcast look exhibited on your features, he felt his heart break knowing that you almost lost each other.

“I thought I was.” He said. “The feeling was worse than... worse than when I fell.”

You sighed at his confession, taking one of his hands off of your waist- instead lacing your fingers with his.

“I- I can’t do this without you.” You told him, your eyes not yet meeting his, just staring at your fingers interlaced. “I couldn’t let you die, Buck. I need you here.”

“I know, doll-”

“No.” You cut him off, looking up to allow your eyes to meet his blue ones- the same ones you always got so lost in. “You don’t know. There’s... there’s something I need to tell you.”

Bucky’s mind began racing from the best case scenarios to the worst case scenarios. Were you dying? Did you not love him anymore? Did you find out about the ring? Oh God, maybe you did and he would have to tell you now even if he was still waiting on Sam to bring him the ring.

“I have something to tell you too.” He said, squeezing your hand.

You, however, shook your head. “No, Buck, let me go first. I have to get this off my chest. You almost died and the thought of you never finding out almost killed me.”

Instead of cutting in again, Bucky just nodded his head, seeing how serious you were.

He watched as you took a deep breath and a smile began to make its way onto your face.

“I’m pregnant.”

Bucky could of sworn to God that his heart stopped in that moment and it was confirmed by the beeping of the heart monitor beside him. His eyes went wide and he was praying that his mouth didn’t drop as he tried to process the information you had just told him.

You were pregnant. He was going to be a father. He was going to share a child with you- the best thing to have ever happened to him.

Going with his gut and leading with his heart, before his brain could stop him he finally asked.

“Marry me.”

Unlike your boyfriend, you didn’t need a heart monitor to tell you that your heart skipped a beat before racing immediately after.

You would be lying if you said you hadn’t thought about marrying Bucky so often it almost felt like a memory. To hear the words finally slip out of his mouth, you couldn’t believe it was finally happening to you.

Until you realized what situation the two of you were in.

He didn’t ask you out of love- he asked you out of commitment- or that was at least what you thought.

The light drained from your face as you scoffed pushing yourself off of his bed.

“Really, James?” You asked.

Confused by your reaction, Bucky stiffened in his seat on the bed, furrowing his eyebrows.

“What?” He asked.

You couldn’t help, but laugh at his naivety.

“You’re kidding me, right?” You scoffed once again. “You know- I thought you had moved past all this old-fashioned stuff. It’s not the 40′s anymore, Buck. You don’t have to marry me because you think you ‘knocked me up’ or whatever. Don’t let little old me hold you down.”

“Woah- what the fuck?” Bucky asked in a raised voice, genuinely shocked.

“-Because I don’t want you marrying me because you feel like you have to.” You continued. “I’d want you to marry me for me.”

“Do you think I want to marry you because you’re pregnant?” He asked.

Cooling down and wringing your hands, you nodded. “Yeah.”

You could tell just by looking at him that he was hurt not just by his gunshot wound that was still healing, but by your words.

He found it hard to believe that you could possibly think that he would only want to marry you out of circumstance and not because he had an undying love for you or because he couldn’t see himself living life without you by his side. You were the first thing he thought about every moment when he woke up and the last thing he thought about when he went to bed every night. You practically made the world spin round so how could you possibly believe that he wouldn’t want to marry you out of pure love and devotion to you?

Before he had the chance to say any of that though, the door to the hospital room behind you swung open and Sam stood in the doorway. Sensing the tension in the room he eyed the two of you.

“Did I... miss something?” He asked, focusing his attention on Bucky.

You shook your head, wrapping yourself in your arms. Just when you were about to excuse yourself from the room, you saw Sam holding his hand suspiciously behind his back.

“What’s that?” You asked, pointing at him.

Sam decided that the wall behind you was very interesting in that moment as he avoided looking at you. “Nothing.”

You eyed him warily and watched as his gaze fell on Bucky still sat in the hospital bed.

“Sam...” You said.

“What?” He replied. “There’s nothing behind my back. I just... like... putting my hand... there.”

You watched your boyfriend sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose.

Glancing between the two men, you reached behind Sam’s back and stole the box from his hands. As soon as your eyes met the small, black velvet box you felt all the air escape your body. You looked at your boyfriend before opening the box.

Inside sat a beautiful diamond ring.

“... Buck?” You asked, slowly stepping towards him.

He gave you a soft smile. “If you don’t like it you can tell me. I picked it out with Steve-”

“You picked it out with Steve?” You asked, smiling. “That means...”

“Yeah.” He smiled. “Picked it out seven months ago... before...”

You knew what he meant- before his best friend decided to leave the modern age to go back to the forties, leaving Bucky here. Although you knew is was a hard topic to discuss, knowing the truth lifted a weight off of your chest. He didn’t propose to you in the heat of the moment because you were pregnant- he had been planning on proposing to you for over half a year. Not only was he planning on proposing for that long, but before you told him you were pregnant he must of asked Sam to pick up the ring.

You felt guilty for yelling at him earlier and for believing that he didn’t have your best intentions in mind, but overall you were just so overjoyed to know that you were going to spend the rest of your life with the man in front of you.

“I love you.” You told him in a hushed voice, sitting yourself back down on the side of his bed.

“Is that a yes?” He asked, gently taking the box out of your hand.

You couldn't help but smile.

“Yes.” You laughed. “Of course I’ll marry you.”

Although Bucky Barnes was known for his infamous glare, he couldn’t help but smile in that moment, the pieces in his life finally falling into place after all this time. He couldn’t possibly be happier.

When he finally tore his eyes away from your smiling face that he swore would rival any goddess’, he shakily took the ring out of the box, took your left hand in his vibranium one and slipped the diamond engagement ring over your ring finger.

Before you could let him say another word, you leaned forward, cupping his face in your hands and kissed him. You couldn’t help but laugh into the kiss, so filled with love and joy that you could barely contain it.

When you finally pulled away, you still couldn’t help the smile that spread across your face, so wide it almost hurt your cheeks.

As the smile fell from your boyfriend’s face you furrowed your eyebrows.

“What is it?” You asked him, fiddling with engagement ring on your finger.

“Did....” He began glancing between a still silent Sam and you. “Did you agree to go on a mission when you knew you were pregnant?”

Instead of meeting your boyfriend- no- fiancé’s eyes, you decided to admire your ring. “Uh...”

Bucky didn’t have a chance to press you further on the topic when the other man standing beside you’s voice rang through the room.

“Wait! You’re pregnant?”

[iwadori]

Haikyu boys when they make you insecure PT 1 (Kenma,Kuroo)

Part 1 Part 2  Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6.

Word Count:3k 

genre: angst, fluff

masterlist

Kenma:

You and Kenma have been in a long distance relationship for a while.

Both of you stream, Kenma doing it seriously for his job and you just playing it for fun,

Sometimes you stream together of course but because of your difference in audiences and games you don’t do it all the time

“Bye guys! Hope you enjoyed todays stream” You wave off to the camera and shut off your PC taking a few sips of water.

Kenma: Hey.. nice stream today Y/N are you going to watch mine?

Y/N: Of course I will 

Kenma: Ok talk to you later

Y/N: okayy <3

Kenma is what inspired you to stream, he also taught you all the ins and outs of streaming making sure you were set and ready. Your gaming style was very relaxed and friendly as you obviously weren’t streaming as a career just for fun and to make friends with your online viewers. The games you played were usually: minecraft, COD, Sims 4, Roblox, Animal crossing and *Insert your favourite game here* the way I literally named all the games I play 

You wait for Kenmas stream to start, kind of excited as you’ve always loved seeing your boyfriend in his ‘element’ when it comes to playing to games. As your boyfriends stream starts you see he’s already chosen what game he is playing today which is to your surprise Call of duty, since that was the game you were playing earlier.

As he gets into the stream you are entertained, as always since Kenma was being his usual self laughing at his own deadpan jokes and interacting with his viewers. He is currently waiting for his capture the flag game to start so as he waits he decides to read some comments in the chat.

You’re used to the usual ‘Kenma where is Y/N I miss your usual streams together’ or ‘kenma please RAIL me’ which always makes you laugh. You were also used to the common hate comments Kenma and You both got on your streams but you were definitely not ready for this..

@ Ihatewomanandiamadick : Hey Kenma did you see your girls stream today she is so dog shit at COD lmaoooo jhdfkjdrhdrr

“Well hello ihatewomenandiamadick” started Kenma “but yes I did see Y/N stream and obviously she is not the best at games and I would definitely NOT ask her to team with me for any serious gaming competitions ... but she’s fun to watch I guess” as he finished speaking about you his game loaded up so he focused his attention on that the words he just spoke going to the back of his mind as they end up at the forefront of yours.

You obviously knew you were no match for Kenma’s gaming expertise but you didn’t expect him to publicly agree with a hate comment let alone add more of his imput on you. Did he really think that about you? ‘She’s fun to watch I guess’ did he not even enjoy your streams that much?

You wanted to distract yourself, and you definitely couldn’t do that watching him so you close off of his stream and get in your bed deciding to watch your favourite show. 

Waking up at 6pm after your sad nap, you see that Kenma has left some messages to you,

Kenma: hey did you watch my stream?

Kenma: do you want to facetime later and play some minecraft..?

Kenma: y/n r u ok??

Y/N: oh hey cnt play minecraft w you rn not really in the mood..

Kenma: oh ok..

Time passed since then a month to be exact and you basically dropped off of the face of the earth, you weren’t in the mood to do anything let alone game and stream, which was a constant reminder of your boyfriend (something you didn’t want at the time.) 

You felt embarrassed over all the things he said about you and all the things you now think he thinks about you and the way you play. Maybe he thinks even worse things about you, beyond just how you game? What if he doesn’t even genuinely like you...or he has someone else...it does make sense, you do both live miles and miles away from eachother AND he’s a big streamer you see the amount of girls in his comments.

You shake your head to erase your protruding thoughts coming in your mind, but it doesn’t really help. You and Kenma haven’t spoken much over this month he tried to constantly reach out to you at first but you assume he got bored over your constant, repetitive dry texts. So you were almost content with you and Kenma not even being in a relationship anymore.

However on Kenma’s side, he was beyond worried about you. Since you haven’t been streaming or barely responded to his texts he thought something happened to you, but he didn’t want to be seen as ‘overstepping boundaries’ if there was nothing wrong at all with you and you simply were just ‘not in the mood.’ 

So here he is, in Kuroo’s apartment trying to get him to help him out on finding out what is wrong with you.

“So kenma can you remember what happened the day when Y/N went ‘ghost’“ asked Kuroo in a mock detective voice

“Y/N didn’t go ‘ghost’ Kuro, and take this seriously” said Kenma “I’m worried bout her”

“Okay fine, but for real what’s the last thing you remember before she started acting all weird.” 

“Umm I think it was around a month ago I did my saturday stream and I think she was on it but she didn’t leave her usual nice comments throughout”

“Ohh that was the stream when you sai-” Kuroo said before pausing his words as the memory of what Kenma said about you on his stream came in his mind, as even Kuroo thought it was a tad bit harsh for Kenma to say all those things “I think I know why Y/N has been so distant kiddo”

“What why?” Asked Kenma

Kuroo pulls out his phone and brings up the clip off what Kenma said and Kenma’s face cringes ‘did he really say all those things about you’ he thinks. 

“Shit.. I didn’t know I said all of that” he said quietly “how do I make it up to her?”

“There’s only one thing you can really do Kenma” said kuroo

You are woken up out of your sleep by a knock on the door. Getting out your bed like a zombie, you trudge to your front door only surprised by what you see. There in his 5′6 glory stood your ‘boyfriend’ Kenma with a controller and a kitten teddy in his hand. You were very tempted to shut the door in his face and get back to your dreamless sleep but you waited on him to speak.

“Hi Y/N” he said quietly “wanna play some minecraft...?”

“Why so you can ridicule me on how shit I am?” You ask bitterly ready to shut the door on him

“No! No not all” he said stopping you from shutting the door entering your place “Y/N i’m really sorry on what I said, I wasn’t thinking AT ALL... I love watching your streams and I think you’re great at playing games...I was just being a dick,”

You take a deep breath before tears pool in your eyes “what you said really hurt me kenma..” you say “ I know people say shitty things on the internet all the time... it’s the internet. But I wasn’t expecting you to agree with the hater and say even more shitty things on top of that.. I don’t think I want to even stream anymore”

Upon hearing that, Kenma’s mouth parts open with shock ‘you dont want to stream anymore’ were his comments that bad? Now he feel even worse as he should and is now more determined to make things right. 

He impulsively drags your arm into your game room, catching your surprise ‘what is he up too?’ you think. He stops for a second seeing your usual pristine gaming set up, collected up with dust. 

“What are you do-” you start 

“Just wait!” He says, as he rushes away turning on all your stuff and logging onto his twitch account as he sees the views go up he starts to speak

 “Hi guys, its me kodzuken and today I’m here on stream with my beautiful girlfriend and today I want to say..” he turns to you “Y/N im so sorry for the horrible things I said to you that day... I was just being a dick and I’m sorry I really am.”

You look at the chat and you see some confusion and some people recalling his words from last month. “It’s fine Kenma, I forgive you” you say giving him a hug”

“Okay Y/N, so what do you say... wanna beat my ass at bed wars?” He says with a smirk 

“When have I ever loss?” you return his smirk

Of course you did beat his ass as bed wars for rounds on rounds never losing proving yourself to actually be a good gamer girl. You enjoyed your time with Kenma, forgetting what he said before about you and moving on. 

Eventually, you guys moved in together and streamed together all the time and yes you still do play for fun but you’ve gotten way better at COD (some may say better then Kenma) but who is better didn’t matter to any of you, as long as you got to play together that’s all you both cared about.

Kuroo:

Kuroo and you have been together since you were in your first year of high school 

You met as friends first when you got him to tutor you in chemistry ( a subject you still aren’t that good at.)

Now you have your upcoming entrance exams for university in a month so your school has you doing mock exams in preparation for them.

20%

You look down at your chemistry paper that your teacher just handed you. 20%. You’re surprised, very surprised since out of all your subjects (that you go 90+% on) you studied on the chemistry test the hardest ensuring Testurou, that you didn’t need his help at all. But I guess it turns out, you did.

This failing mock grade put a blunder on your day, you didn’t interact with anyone and didn’t want to see your boyfriend so you skipped your usual routine of meeting him on the rooftop and went to the library instead ‘might aswell start early on your studying’ you thought.

As you were going over your chemistry topics, you hear an ‘ahem’ next to you and you turn your head only to find your boyfriend and his friends next to you. Kuroo with his usual goofy smile on his face. 

“Hey kitten where were you at lunch?” he asked 

“Needed to go to the library, Chemistry is kicking my ass” you mumbled 

“Oya” he said as he noticed your chemistry test laying under your textbook “20%, well damn Y/N I knew you were stupid, but I didn’t know you were that stupid” he laughed doing his stupid usual hyena-like laugh.

Ouch well that hurt. You slightly flinched at his words, “Really your name, you didn’t know the molecular formula for ethanol, that’s first year work” he said continuing to laugh “I’m pretty sure that’s one of the first things I tutored you on when we first met” 

His overbearing laughter was not good for you, you were already having a bad day and yes you do know your not that good at chemistry but you didn’t need your chemistry-enthusiast boyfriend to make fun of you for failing. Kenma and Yaku stood there awkwardly obviously aware of how bad Kuroo is making you feel but they didn’t really know how to stop his friend in the moment.Whilst he’s still dying of laughter you decide to pack up your stuff and leave the library.

You managed to get your Chemistry tutor to let you retake your mock paper in a week so that means, extra hard studying with no distractions you definitely can’t fail again. Since studying on your own was definitely not a good option, and you couldn’t go to Kuroo (especially after he ridiculed you) you decided to ask the second smartest person you know to tutor you.

Y/N: Hey Yaku! Can I ask you a favour?

Yaku: Hi Y/N what do you need??

Y/N: I have my chemistry retake next week, and as you know from your loud-loud friend I failed my recent test so can you tutor me?? 

Y/N: Pleaseeee

Yaku: Ok Y/N why can’t you ask Kuroo you know that he’d be more than happy to help

Y/N: Yakuu pleasee just help me out 

So there you was, nearly a week done with your study sessions with Yaku and you’re feeling way more confident than before. 

“Y/N what is the functional group of a Carboxylic Acid” Yaku asked

“umm... COO?” 

“Great! that’s correct Y/N” he praises i dont actually know if it’s correct or not

You then hear a knock at Yaku’s front door and hear his mum let the person in, Kuroo then enters Yaku’s bedroom with shock plastered on his face surprised to see you here.

“Y/N...hey?” he says confused “what are you doing here?”

“Oh Mori-chan is just helping me with chemistry for my retake tommorow” you say nochalantly internally smiling at the twinge in Kuroo’s face at the purposeful use of Yaku’s first name.

“So why didn’t you ask me to help you know I’m a chemistry whiz” he asks

“Maybe I’m too stupid to be taught under your tutelage” you mumble “since I seem to forget whatever you teach me, even when it’s 3 years ago... but ok”

“Y/N I-” he starts 

“Oh save it Kuroo, I have studying to do” you say cutting him off

“But I-” he tries

“So Mori-chan COOH is the function group of ethyl ethonate right?” you ask ignoring your boyfriend who is now at a lost for words

“ummm yeah it is” says yaku who is clearly feeling heavily awkward at the tension in his bedroom.

Kuroo leaves and you and yaku finish off the studying for the night, you did feel a little bad for being a bit mean to Kuroo but it’s karma for him being a dick to you. 

You wake up the next day ready for your exam which was first thing in the morning, before you hand in your phone you see a message from Kuroo,

Kuroo: I know you’re still mad at me, but I think you’re going to do so well on this test. You’re not stupid at all, you’re really smart and I love you < 3 

Kuroo: Good luck Y/N

You don’t respond to the message but smile at the sincerity of it and thankful for the boost of confidence it gave you before you start your exam.

Finishing the exam with a smile, you were confident you did well as everything you and Yaku went over was on the paper and you’re almost certain you atleast got more than 75%. You have to wait an hour before your teacher can give you your results, so in the meantime you might aswell reconcile with Kuroo.

When you exit the classroom, standing there was Kuroo who seemed to have been waiting for you for the whole duration of the exam.

“So how was it?” Kuroo asked, apprenhensive as he assumed you would just ignore him like you did at Yaku’s house.

“It was fine, I think it went alright..” you say

“Kuroo”

“Y/N”

You say simultaneously, he pauses for a second to let you speak “I’m sorry I was being so stand offish when we were at Yaku’s I just wanted you to see I could do it on my own, and when you called me stupid I really took that to heart since you and I both know that Chemistry wasn’t ever my best subject” 

“I’m sorry too, I didn’t mean to make you feel bad, and since it was only a practice test I didn’t think you’d take it to heart but I am sorry I know you aren’t stupid.”

Before you got to say anything else, your Chemistry teacher exited the room with your chemistry paper in hand. Kuroo grabbed your hand anticipating your nerves and gave it a gentle squeeze.

“Miss L/N” said your teacher “Well done on your chemistry test” he turned your test around to sure a perfect 100%. Both you and Kuroo gasped, you were elated to say the least you wanted to jump up and down in excitement but a PERFECT 100%.

“I’d also like to add that you have now got the top chemistry score in the school beating the previous title holder Kuroo Testurou” said your teacher, this made Kuroo open his mouth even wider in surprise nearly making you giggle at his response. 

Your teacher took his leave, leaving you and Kuroo in the hallway “ I guess i’m the chemistry whizz now “ you say wiggling your eyebrows just as Kuroo did to you before at Yaku’s this made him chuckle as he came to put his arm around you.

“Y/N don’t get ahead of yourself now, you may have won this battle but I will win the war” he said smiling

In the final exam, you continue your winning streak also getting a near 100% and still beating Kuroo which didn’t matter to either of you, now you’re just like him cracking chemistry puns and jokes all the time which none of your friends appreciated but atleast Kuroo found them SODIUM funny.

AN: Please kill me for the last line of Kuroos, I didn’t really like Kuroo’s since it was a bit self indulgent with my hate for chemistry but what do you guys think?

[alltoolewis]

Core Memories- Mason Mount 🤍

As a Disney girl, I had this wild idea to do a series based on inside out where I do 5 different core memories that are based on the 5 emotions- Joy, Sadness, Anger, Fear & Disgust. Hope you all enjoy them & please let me know who you would like one for next 🤍

Also ‘joy’ might be one of my favourites that I have written in awhile! It’s literally my dream!!!

Summary- The 5 emotions of your and Mason's relationship... (disclaimer these don’t run in order of events..)

SADNESS

“Honey I’m home..” Mason sang through your shared house, expecting you to run in his open arms like you normally did. But as his arms were left empty and not a sound could be heard he knew something was wrong.

“(Y/n)” he called, dropping his stuff instantly as he entered the living room to find you. His heart stopped as you weren’t were you normally were, your mug wasn’t on the coffee table and your laptop was closed shut something that was barely seen in all your years of dating “baby? Where are you?”

Running up the stairs, his heart shattered as he entered your bedroom finding you curled up on the bed, eyes red and puffy as silent sobs escaped your mouth “omg darling what’s happened?” Making his way to the other side of the bed, he wrapped his arms around your waist pulling you into a comforting spoon. A muffled response came from your lips as he drew patterns down your arms in hopes to calm your overwhelmed body down “what was that baby?”

“They let me go…” you whispered, voice cracking as you turned around his arms. Your wet eyes being met with his concerned ones as you broke down completely “they actually did it… they let me go..”

Mason pulled you closer to his chest, as your tears soaked his training top. It was speculated for months now that your dream job you had bagged just under a year ago was having a shuffle round & the newer employers would be the most vulnerable. For the last 2 months you had worked your arse off to keep the position, doing every extra shift you could, working over time every night.. even sacrificing your nights off with Mason to do it. But your efforts weren’t good enough…

“Shhh.. shhhh it’s okay…” Mason hushed you, rubbing your back up and down as your cries and heavy breathing could only be heard “your going to be okay baby…”

“I worked so hard mase…” you mumbled into his chest “I put everything into that job and they sacked me… I failed them… I failed you… I’m so stupid!”

“Hey, stop that… you didn’t fail anyone especially me!” he whispered, his own tears threatening to escape as he watched you fall apart for the first time in front of him “you are the most talented, hardworking, driven woman I have ever met! You deserve the world baby girl! A job that will appreciate you for who you are & respect you for everything you do for them! That shit place didn’t deserve you… I love you so much okay, so fucking much… your going to be okay”

Feeling a tear drop on your temple, you looked up to find a crying Mason causing your heart to break even more “why are you crying?” You mumbled, not trusting your voice to speak loudly as the tears continued to fall down your boyfriends cheek “I just hate seeing you this way sweetheart… putting your self down because they didn’t treat you right. It’s not fair… you don’t deserve this”

Wrapping your leg round his waist, you moved to straddle him, allowing your head to fall in the crook of his neck as he continued to massage your back “I don’t know what I’m going to do Mason… I need to work, I can’t be 22 and unemployed my family will be so disappointed in me once they find out..”

Moving your chin to look at him, he placed his lips to yours, your tears mixing together as you kissed the sadness in your bodies away “listen to me…” he mumbled, pulling away from you as he kept his head to yours “you are not an embarrassment okay? You’ll never be one! & I don’t worry about a job.. we’ll find you one that’ll treat you fair, but until then your going to rest and let your body relax, your overworked darling… but there is a positive in this your not thinking of…”

“Is there?” You mumbled

“Yes..” he smiled, pecking your nose “until you find one we get to spend more time together… no overtime or extra shifts, just me and you!”

For the first time that night, your lips pulled up into a grin “I love you so much Mason… I don’t know what I’d ever do without you…”

“You’ll never find out baby..” he whispered “because unlike your shit job I’m not going anywhere… I’m never letting you go..” What started out as one of the worst days of your life, turned into one of the most learning…

The day you figured out your worth and value all in the arms of the love of your life… a learning you’d never forget!

FEAR

"How longs left?..." You muttered nervously to Jaz, not having the nerve to look at the huge screen in front of you displaying the time as your eyes remained fixated on your team in front of you. "About 5 minutes" She replied, throwing her arm around your shoulder. Your eyes kept flicking between the field of different colors of blue and the bench where your boyfriend sat anxiously bouncing his knee. The ball continued to be passed around the pitch for what felt like the longest 5 minutes of your life, most of which was spent with your hands covering your face or your head nuzzled in Lewis's neck. Your head was spinning so much you didn't even realize the full-time whistle had been blown until you saw the crowd of royal blue erupts and your feet being swept off the ground as his brother bounced up and down with you. Screams of 'he's done it' and 'Let's fucking go!' filled the section but your mouth remained closed... letting the moment sink in that your boyfriend, your best friend, the love of your life has just achieved something that you had both dreamed of since you were little kids. Having plenty of pillow talks of over the last couple of years about your dreams and aspirations... and now one of his has come true & you couldn't of been prouder!

"Are you coming down?" Debbie smiled, her own eyes teary as she gathered her stuff ready to head down to see her little boy, but you shook your head "I think I'll stay up here.." You mumbled, anxiety bubbling you as you thought about standing in the middle of the pitch in front of thousands of fans and cameras. Even after years of dating Mase, you still hadn't gotten used to it all, something about being under the spotlight always freaked you out, some people still thought he was single due to the lack of your appearance in public. Mason never pushed you to be so tho, and although he wished you would join him for seasonal celebrations or to show you off in public he knew you weren't comfortable. "You sure?" Lewis sighed, wrapping his arm around you "I think he would love to have you down there with him & besides nothing going to happen love, we will all be there for you."

Taking one last look down to the pitch, finding Mason dancing and messing around with Chilly and Reece. But with the insecurity still being there you shook your head "I'm sure" You smiled "I'll stay in the VIP box until it cools down a little, then I might come down... can you let Mase know that I am proud of him tho? & give him a kiss from me!"

"Of course, we can! but maybe not the kiss!" Lewis chuckled, as Debbie hit his chest "We will see you in a bit sweetheart!" Debbie beamed, waving you goodbye as you both went in different directions, them heading down while you went to hide in the booths.

The second he saw his family he knew something was missing "Where's (y/n)?" Mason asked as he finished hugging his mum, still looking over her shoulder in hopes to find you stood there. "Oh, she's up there..." Lewis sighed, pointing over to the VIP booth, leaning down to whisper into his brother's ear "She was feeling a bit anxious mate, so she said she's going to wait for it all to cool down & then she might pop down" Mason's heart sunk at his brother's words, not liking the idea of you being all alone there when your feeling uncomfortable "She is okay tho right?" Mason asked voice full of worry. "Bro she is fine, I promise I wouldn't of left her if she wasn't" He felt a little better after hearing that but still he didn't feel right.

"She wanted you to know that she is so proud of you!" His mother smiled, as his heart burst. "She also wanted us to give you a kiss but I ain't doing that" Lewis joked, causing Mason to throw his head back laughing.

The next 15 minutes were spent taking pictures and chatting to the other family members, and although he tried to keep preoccupied and not be distracted by you not being there, he couldn't handle it any longer. "Mase!" Lewis called as he spotted him walking away "Where are you going?"

"I'm going to be with my girl!" Mason smiled, looking up to the almost empty box, only having you in it but it was about to gain one more person as he sprinted down the tunnel.

While that was going on, you watched the celebrations with nothing but tears in your eyes. A mixture of pride and disappointment. Although you were ecstatic for the team, a part of you couldn't help but feel angry and disappointed, for letting your anxiety and insecurity yet again ruin it for not only you but Mason. Watching all the other players being congratulated by their partners, kissing and hugging as the confetti falls down on them, broke your heart. Despite Mase telling you many times that it didn't matter & that your celebrations in private means much more to him, you knew he was lying! He wanted that moment just as much as you did... but you just wasn't ready for it.

Sighing you turned away from the pitch view window, not being able to handle it any longer. Sitting down at the table perched in the middle of the room, you sighed allowing the tears to fall freely down your face. You were so caught up in your own pity party, that you didn't realize your boyfriend leaning against the wall as he watched you with a broken heart.

"I hope those are happy tears..." He chuckled half-heartedly making your head shoot up in shock "Cause if not I always suspected that you are a city fan!"

Giggling you shook your head, meeting him halfway as you threw yourself in his arms "What are you doing up here Mase?" You sighed, looking up to him as he wiped away your falling tears "It didn't feel right celebrating down there without my favorite girl" He smiled "So if she isn't ready to come down there to me... I'll go up to her!"

Your heart melted at his kind gesture as you gave him a sympathetic smile, all of a sudden feeling guilty for making him miss out on celebrating with his team "I'm so sorry Mase.." You sighed, leaning further into his touch as you placed your head on his chest "I've ruined it for you again... you should be down there with your team & your family, the people who have helped you on this journey every step of the way. Not your over-anxious girlfriend who can't even make it down on a field without breaking down-"

Cutting your words short', Mason places his lips to yours taking any remaining stress and anxiety from your body as he felt you relax against his touch. His hands held you close as he broke away slightly, whispering between the small gap of your lips "If I remember correctly sweetheart... you were the one who has been with me every step of the way..." You hated to admit it but he was correct, throughout the whole season you were by his side. Celebrating every win, consoling him after every loss. There wasn't a single match that you didn't watch or support him in

"But-"

"No 'buts' baby..." Mason chuckled as he took off the medal around his neck, instead letting it fall around yours. Picking up the metal, he placed it on his lips "We have done this, together..." Meeting him in the middle with tears in your eyes, you place your lips on the other side "Together..."

Smiling at your words, Mason grabbed two champagne flutes off the table, filling them both up before handing you one "To Chelsea, To our Love, To each other... I love you (y/n) more than any celebration... cheers to us!"

"I love you too Mase... more than anything in the world, cheers"

Wrapping his arms around your waist, You and mason continued to watch the rest of the celebrations continue from the comfort of the private box. It was that moment where it really sunk in what he had achieved, and he didn't want to celebrate it any other way! The next 30 minutes were spent the same, small chit-chat about what had just happened, quick kisses, and confessions of love as the champagne made its way through your bloodstream. and although it started badly for you & things seemed uncertain... at the end of the night things became pretty memorable...

a core memory for sure!

DISGUST

“Please tell me you didn’t just put tomato sauce on that egg” you mumbled, covering your eyes in despair and utter disgust. Mason looked at you with a confused look, placing the bottle down slowly “no…” he replied, voice not sounding that convincing at all!

Peeking through the cracks of your fingers, you groaned as you noticed the red splodge of sauce on his plate “Mase! That’s gross, how can you even eat that…”

“Have you ever tried it?” He smirked, holding some of the dipped egg in near distance of you. “No I haven’t…” you groaned, taking one look at the fork in front as you gagged “& I ain’t going to so please get that away from me!”

“Your so dramatic..” Mason laughed, placing it in his mouth instead as you rolled your eyes “see delicious, your missing out baby..” he hummed, before continuing to shovel the vile food in his mouth.

“I’m not missing out on anything darling” you replied, gathering your plate of barely untouched food. Furrowing his eyebrows, Mason gave you a puzzling look “Where are you going?”

“Away from you & that disgusting concoction on your plate..” you smiled, patting him on the shoulder before going into the kitchen, getting comfy on one of the barstools set up on the counter.

Mason couldn’t help but laugh at how overdramatic you were being. Complementing to go with you or not, he decided that it was best to leave you be, just in case his food did gross you out to much. Once he was finished, he skipped to the kitchen with his empty plate still finding you perched up on the barstool with your phone in your hand.

Tiptoeing behind you, he placed his arms around your waist causing you to flinch a little as he whispered in your ear “did you miss me darling?”

Spinning around on the seat, you gave him a glare “I missed you… not your dinner tho!” Chuckling he wrapped his arms tighter around you, leaning down to give you a warming kiss one that you both craved ever since you had began your journey together…

But it didn’t last as long as it normally did as another gag fell from your lips.

“What’s wrong now!?!” Mason laughed as you pulled away from his touch, running to the sink to rinse your mouth “I can taste it!” You mumbled gargling as much water as your mouth could hold.

Mason watched you in amusement “your crazy..” he laughed shaking his head as you spat the water out, lifting your hand up to flip him off.

Although the experience was different for the two of you, you knew that neither of you would forget this moment for a long time… maybe forever!

ANGER

7pm… it was now 7pm & there was still no sign of Mason coming through the door. Sighing for the tenth time that hour, you reached for your phone hoping there was some sign that he had remembered the important dinner you had both planned for months. But as you were met with a empty notification tab you knew that he’d forgotten.

You wanted to remain hopeful, that he was planning some big grand gesture to celebrate your 3 years of love so. So you stayed put on landing stairs, the royal blue dress you had specifically picked for this occasion hugging your body & your mascara hanging on your eyelashes like a thread as tears began to threaten your eyes.

Your phone finally vibrated against your knee 40 minutes later, but your heart didn’t skip like it normally did when you saw his name, instead it deflated as you answered it instantly hearing the background noise of the busy club he clearly went to instead.

“Hi baby..” He spoke through the loud crowd, smile adamant in his voice.

“What do you want Mason?” You snapped, getting up from the stairs not even bothering to stop the tears anymore. He knew something was wrong as you spoke his full name. You never called him Mason unless there was something wrong!

Shuffling through the crowd he made his way outside “hey…hey. What’s happened darling?” He cluelessly replied not having any clue for sharpness.

“What happened!” You hissed, making your way up the stairs to get out of your outfit “Mason are you fucking serious right now!”

“(Y/N)… I don’t know what your talking abou-“

“YOU FUCKING FORGOT MASON!” You yelled, not even caring any more as your emotions sprung out of you. Silence filled the other side of the phone as Mason tried his best to figure out what exactly he had missed.

“See you don’t even know…” you snapped, ready to hang up the phone before he spoke up finally putting all the pieces together “(y/n), I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to okay… I’ve been busy with work and the start of the season & I know it’s not a excuse-“

“No mase it’s not!” You scoffed.

“Please just listen to me baby..” he pleaded wanting you to hear it out “I will come back now okay and we’ll spend the rest of the night together… I’ll make it up to you I promise”

“3 years mase..” you sighed, not having the energy to shout anymore “it was our 3 year anniversary… I’ve been waiting for you on our landing for 4 hours while you’ve been out parting with your ‘lads’ for the tenth time this week…” masons heart burst as he heard you pause, a muffled sob echoing through the speaker as you cried “I wanted tonight to be our night… to celebrate us & everything we’ve been through. But you had to chose them once again didn’t you… like you always do”

Your dig punched him right in the heart as he began to feel frustrated “I haven’t chose them over you!” He groaned “I’ve never chose them over you so stop being so needy!”

“Your unbelievable!” You cried, body freezing as his words sunk under your skin leaving a permanent mark “if you don’t chose them where are you now eh? Where are you now on one of the most important dates in our relationship?!?”

“(Y/n)…”

“Don’t (y/n) me Mason!” You growled causing goosbumps to rise on his skin at the unfamiliar tone “if I’m so needy and demanding how about you just call it quits! End it now so you can have all the freedom you want!”

“Please stop it … I love you! I didn’t mean it that way-“

“Don’t bother coming home!” You interrupted, voice shaking “I’m going to bed…”

“Please wait..” Mason pleaded, wanting to make it up with you but it was too late!

“Happy anniversary mase…” you sighed “have a nice night out with the lads… the sofa will be ready for you when you get home!” & with that you hung up, throwing your phone to the side as you broke down on the bedroom floor… this wasn’t the way you’d expected tonight to go.

You didn’t know how it was going to go after this, if you’d kiss and make up or leave it rotting for days until it couldn’t be fixed… but either way it was safe to say that neither of you would be forgetting it any time soon!

JOY

“Are you going to eat all that?” You giggled as Mason piled his plate up with all the croissants and pain au chocolat’s he could fit on his plate. “It’s not everyday we’re in Paris baby…” he laughed, giving you a playful stare “and anyway TT told me to enjoy myself and to eat as many pastries as I want so I’m making the most of it!”

Giggling, you shook your head, grabbing one of the many croissants on his plate giving it a nibble “well if the boss said, who am I to stop you!”

Glancing out the window your heart stopped slightly at the surroundings around you. You still couldn’t believe that you were in Paris, sat in front of the love of your life eating pastries and sipping red wine in the most famous city of love. When Mason told you that you were spending your 5 year anniversary here you didn’t believe him… one because of it being so last minute and two because it was in the middle of the season & Tom might not of given him the time off… but lucky for you the big boss hisself was more than happy to allow Mason to go a way for a couple of days, making him promise however that’ll hell put 100% effort into all games and trainings for the rest of the season!

“So what should we do tonight?” You smiled, sipping your red wine as Mason flashed you one of his signature smirks “leave that with me baby girl… I’ve got something up my sleeve for you tonight…” your eyes grew wide, as your mind instantly went to the dirtier side of his comment causing him to kick you gently under the table “you naughty girl! I meant I’m taking you out to dinner… why are you always thinking of sex am I piece of meat to you..” he playfully teased, causing you to giggle “of course not! But after last night how am I not supposed to think of the most vulgar… you were rough!”

Getting up from the table, Mason removed your plates, giving you a cheeky kiss before taking them to the other side of the room. “Don’t act like you didn’t enjoy it” he smirked “I think the whole floor now knows my name!”

“Oh shush..” you chuckled, walking over to him to wrap your arms around his waist “what should I wear tonight anyway… you can’t just throw a surprise date at me and not tell me what to wear..”

Pulling away from your hug, Mason made his way over to his case pulling out a Givenchy gift bag and Louboutin heels making your eyes go wide. Just as you were about to comment Mason cut you off with a smile “before you start commenting on the price… I wanted to spoil you okay? Make you feel as special as you make me…”

Handing you the bag first, your hands trembled as you pulled out the most gorgeous royal blue split dress you had ever seen instantly making your eyes tear up “oh my god mase…”

“Wait till you see the shoes…” he smirked handing you the small ruffle bag containing a stunning pair of glittery red bottom heels.

“These must of cost you so much mase, I don’t deserve-“ putting his finger across your lips to shut you up, Mason whispered “you deserve the world… & I want to be the one to give it you…”

“Mase..” you sighed, feeling the tears fill up your eyes, causing Mason to chuckle instantly wiping away the fallen tear “don’t cry baby, your going to set me off and the day has barely started… now go put on the stunning dress, our reservations is in 2 hours”

Not waiting another minute to try it on you slipped off to the bathroom, feeling like a Disney princess as you slipped the perfect gown on. Once all your makeup was set and your hair was placed in a tidy high top pony tail you left the side room to find a suited and booted Mason looking as handsome as ever.

His eyes went wide as he took in your frame… you always looked beautiful to him, there wasn’t a day that you didn’t. But right now, you looked like perfection… there’s was nothing on this planet, or even the universe that could compare to you in this moment…

“Wow..” he sighed, allowing a tear to fall down his cheek “you look-… wow!”

Giggling, you pulled him closer to you “don’t cry baby… the nights barely started yet” you teased repeating the words he spoke to you earlier. Giving his lips a gentle peck, you smiled “but thank you handsome… you look unreal too!”

Taking your hand in his, he kissed it softly “thank you my darling… how about we get going yeah? So i can show the whole of Paris how stunning my girlfriend is…”

“Let’s go…”

———-

The rest of the evening was spent with nothing but tipsy kisses and glasses of wine, as you and mase celebrated your love in the only way that was fitting for you both! After the meal and Delicious desert, Mason insisted on you both taking a walk to the Eiffel Tower & who were you to miss out on the opportunity to see the landmark on the most special day of your life!

“Wow…” you breathed out as you took in the scene in front of you “it’s beautiful…”

“I know..” Mason sighed. As you turned to look at him you discovered he wasn’t looking at the glistening tower in front of you… he was looking at you.

“I love you so much…” he mumbled as he wrapped his around you from behind “more than anything in the world!”

“I love you too mase…” you whispered not wanting to ruin the moment “thank you for the best night of my life”

“It’s not over yet baby..” he smiled, kissing your neck as he grabbed your head “let’s head back to the hotel, it’s getting a bit cold for you to stand out here..”

Nodding your head, you squeezed his hand indicating him that you were good to go back. But as you began walking home, you noticed his behaviour shift, his hands were shaking like crazy and his mind looked like it was constantly on the run. But Every time you tried to figure out what was going on, he would politely dismiss you stating he was just cold.

Once you got back to the room, Mason pulled out the card key swiping it in the lock before taking a step back causing you to raise your brow in confusion “ladies first…” he smirked, causing you to giggle as you pulled open the door finding it filled with complete darkness.

“Mase..” you questioned, as he flipped on the light, closing the door behind you both as you took in the sight in front of you…

Rose petals covered the floor and bed, as balloons lifted in the ceiling each attached to a photograph of you both through the years… your hands trembled as they traced each one, eyes tearing up at the memories around you. “Mason..” you whispered, turning back round to face where he was still stood at near the door “how did you do th-“

Your body froze as you released he was no longer stood, instead kneeled on one knee! “Oh my god Mason..” you breathed, covering your mouth as tears leaked from both of your eyes..

“My (y/n)..” Mason started, a tear running down his cheek “I can’t imagine my life without you, I don’t want to even think of it. You are my light, my world, my soulmate… you make me the happiest man in the world by supporting me and showing me nothing but love & I want nothing more to have that for the rest of my life… so (y:n), my darling will you do me the honour in marrying me?”

Without thinking you lept in his arms, causing you both to topple over with tears and giggles surrounding you! “Yes..” you whispered, kissing his lips repeatedly “I’ll marry you…”

What began as the most memorable morning ended with it being the most memorable day! With a little help from the hotel staff, Tom & of course the love of your life!!!

[impostoradult]

I finally figured out why it feels like Supernatural murdered a unicorn (AKA why you need to STOP telling me to watch Black Sails)

I’ll start by saying, everything everyone else has been saying CERTAINLY bothers me: 

- the queer-baiting - the bury your queers - the undermining of Dean’s character arc  - the wasted opportunity for a certain kind of overall narrative closure - the flat out disrespect to Misha Collins and Jensen Ackles

 All of that bothers me tremendously. 

But there has been something else rather ineffable about this that has left a horrible taste in my mouth that I couldn’t quite pin down until last night. Bear with me, if you will, because this will require some set-up. 

*** This is not the first show to ever disappoint me in a spectacular fashion, nor will it be the last, I suspect. And one of the ways I’ve always coped with that disappointment was to remind myself that there will be other stories, other characters, other chances to get it right. (”It” being any number of things from just pure narrative emotional coherence to not burying your queers to not stringing along your queer audience and then yelling fuck you to them on the way out) 

But somehow that assurance -- that there will be other stories, other characters, other chances to get it right -- has rung particularly hollow in this instance, and I couldn’t quite put my finger on why until yesterday. 

I kept asking myself, why do I still have this feeling, deep in the pit of my stomach, like something was lost here that can never be recovered? 

Because something was lost here that I am doubtful can ever be recovered, and I don’t think I’ve seen anyone else talking about this aspect of it at all. 

***

A few months ago, TV critic Maureen Ryan did a great interview piece with Mike Schur (of Parks & Rec/The Good Place) discussing the death of long-form TV in the streaming era. They explore how the longer seasons and longer runs of traditional broadcast/cable TV provided an opportunity to tell particular kinds of stories that you simply can’t when seasons are 8-10 episodes and series typically run 2-4 seasons (thanks Netflix).

One key thing we’ve all lost in this new era of highly condensed TV storytelling (and of prestige TV narrative styles)? The traditional (several season’s long) slow-burn/will-they-won’t-they romance. Not only is there simply no longer the time or space to write such romances, it has also come to be seen as hacky, manipulative, cheap, artistically impoverished, low-brow, a embarrassing vestige of the era before TV became art™. 

Everybody is trying to be Fleabag now. No one wants to be Frasier. (”It’s really more like a 10 hour movie” they all like to brag)

Obviously TV still has romances, even ‘drawn out’ romances. But ‘drawn out’ in 2020 is like 2-3 seasons, maybe. More commonly it’s like half a season. Take Schitt’s Creek. The number of episodes between when David and Patrick first meet and when they first kiss? Seven. Seven episodes. Half a season. If you watched it live, it took less than 2 months for them to move from introducing that dynamic to consummating it. And I’m not bagging on Schitt’s Creek; I think the David/Patrick’s story is very lovely and well-written. 

But Niles & Daphne (Fraiser) had to wait 7 years and over 150 episodes before they finally got there. Josh & Donna (The West Wing) had to wait 6+ years, and 145 episodes. Mulder & Scully (The X-Files) had to wait 7 seasons and 143 episodes. Booth & Bones had to wait...you see where I am going with this. 

And my point is (and I can’t believe I never realized this explicitly until now): there has NEVER been a queer slow-burn/will-they-won’t-they romance of that type on TV ever. EVER. 

I’m going to say that again, because I think it bares repeating:

There has never been a queer, slow-burn/will-they-won’t-they romance that fits the 100-150 episode paradigm of delayed gratification on TV. 

Not ever.  

I can’t think of ONE example  Not a single, solitary one. And I know queer TV pretty well. Arguably the closest we’ve ever come is Legend of Korra, and that ran 50 episodes, a THIRD of the length of old school will-they-won’t-theys like Booth & Bones or Josh & Donna. 

Queer people have had a fair number of canonical romances on TV by now, even fairly long running ones. But we never got a primary/front-and-center romance that you had to root for for 100+ episodes before you got any kind of canonical consummation.

That is a particular kind of TV experience that queer people and queer characters were just 100% shut out of until it was too late. And because of how the TV landscape has changed in the last 10 years, I don’t know that that opportunity will ever come back around in our lifetimes. 

***

Dean and Castiel are/were a legacy of an earlier era of TV, an era that still contained the possibility for a will-they-won’t-they of that particular mold. There were other shows that could have also filled this gap at one time - Rizzoli & Isles, OUAT, House MD, etc. But one by one all of them were killed off, their queer romances unrequited, until Supernatural was the only one of its’ generation left standing. 

And they should have acknowledged that they were a species about to become extinct. 

There are plenty of other valid and compelling reasons Supernatural should have gone full Destiel, don’t get me wrong.

A) It would have been the most emotionally satisfying ending to the series and to those characters (and that would have been reason enough). 

B) It would have stopped the manipulative queer-baiting of the (disproportionately queer) fanbase (and that would have been reason enough). 

C) It would have been queer representation of middle-aged men, of bi men, of queers who came to their queerness later in life (and any/all of those would have been reason enough). 

D) It could have been a glorious subversion of the bury your queers trope, considering how often they’ve died and been resurrected (and that would have been reason enough). 

But point E) on this list is the reason this one hurts in a singular way that no one even appears to be acknowledging. 

Almost all of the other wrongs and missed opportunities contained in this Supernatural debacle have the possibility of being rectified (at least to a degree) elsewhere. I can and I likely will get more bi male characters from TV as time goes on. I can and likely will get more middle-aged queer characters. I can and likely will get more queer characters coming to their queerness later in life, and starting queer romances later in life. I can and likely will get more queer characters who aren’t killed cheaply and prematurely. I can and likely will get more genre TV shows with sprawling myth arc plots that are resolved in a coherent, satisfying way. I can and likely will get Misha Collins and Jensen Ackles involved in other projects that value their work and their talents. 

All of those other things are at the very least POSSIBLE, and many are even likely. 

But a queer 100-150 episode slow-burn romance a la Mulder & Scully or Niles & Daphne or Booth & Bones? That is the one baton Supernatural dropped spectacularly that no one else even has the possibility of picking up again for the foreseeable future. (They don’t even write those types of romances for heterosexuals anymore!) 

Seriously. It was a TV unicorn. And rather than letting it run wild and free, they stabbed it with a rusty nail. 

***

Given the monumental shifts in the TV landscape that have occurred in the last decade, I don’t know that TV will ever go back to the slow-burn/will-they-won’t-they romance spanning 100-150 episodes. Today it is a miracle if you can get ANY show to last longer than 50 episodes in the first place. 

And that is the piece of this that makes it feel (to me) like they murdered a unicorn.  

Because queer people have gotten a lot of things from TV, and they will get a lot more as time goes on. But that one? That one could very well be a totally extinct species.

That is the larger missed opportunity here that has left this feeling especially hollow and destructive. That is the thing that makes me balk when people tell me to go watch Black Sails or Pose or whatever other prestige TV show is doing this representation ‘better.’ Because that’s not really the loss I am mourning here. I KNOW there is ‘better’ representation elsewhere.  

But the will-they-won’t-they/slow-burn romance is a qualitatively unique thing that queer people literally just never got. Ever. There is no substitute, no alternate, no other show I can turn to with that kind of build-up and pay-off for a queer couple, and there probably won’t be in my lifetime. Not unless the TV industry undergoes another monumental evolution similar to the streaming revolution that shifts the incentives back to telling those types of stories again. 

All those shows you want me to displace Supernatural with? None of them can give me the one thing I uniquely wanted (and could have gotten) from Supernatural. THAT ALTERNATE SHOW DOESN’T EXIST. It doesn’t exist. And I have no reason to hope it will ever exist in my lifetime. 

So stop telling me to look somewhere else; you don’t understand what made this one a unicorn. 

***

Addendum: The only other possible show that could perhaps fill this gap is It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (re: Mac/Dennis). But I’m hesitant to say it exactly meets that criteria, for a number of reasons:

1 - It’s far less serialized relative to Supernatural and (except for a handful of stand-alone episodes) very little of the story is grounded specifically in Dennis/Mac’s romantic dynamic (unlike SPN, where it is absolutely central to much of the narrative)

2 - IASIP is fundamentally satirically in nature/tone which makes it much harder to have genuine romantic pathos (not impossible, but harder) 

3 - All the characters on IASIP are fundamentally crummy people who you aren’t exactly supposed to root for. Which doesn’t mean a romance between two of them can’t have its value/charm/worth but it’s not the same as when it is between characters who unequivocally deserve nice things/happy endings

[frogtanii]

iwaizumi was... overwhelmed, to say the least.

the past few days had been such a whirlwind of change that hajime could barely properly process, much less appropriately react to it all, so he behaved much like a zombie, saying yes when prompted, signing papers when told, and packing up what was his entire life for the past 11 months.

wow. iwaizumi collapsed on his bed as he scanned his now barren bedroom. he’d been here for almost a year and yet, all his belongings were in boxes within a couple of days.

hajime couldn’t keep the disbelieving chuckle from escaping his chest as he leaned back on his bed, dark brown eyes trained on the ceiling.

it felt like he’d spent such a large chunk of his life trapped in this house, under the foot of the woman who he thought he’d marry but in reality, he’d been in little leagues longer than he’d been in love.

iwaizumi scoffed and rolled his eyes. yeah, “in love”. it’d been about a week since his whole life started to unravel and he had hardly seen, let alone spoken to meiko throughout that entire time.

over text, she’d sworn up and down that she loved and cared about him but as she passed by him packing his things a few days ago, she’d barely spared him a second glance.

hajime wasn’t going to lie. it hurt. he’d opened his heart up to her, something he didn’t do easily, and she’d taken his trust and used it to twist him into her weapon.

he always believed he was stronger than this — he’d never forget his mother telling him so when he was younger. he had fallen and scraped his knee yet he refused to cry to keep from upsetting his mom. iwaizumi existed to live up to what his mother thought of him but here he was, completely enveloped in meiko’s shit, doing her dirty work and following her bidding like some mutt.

god, toorū was right. he really was her bitch.

“i could hear you thinking from down the hall, iwa-chan.” speak of the devil...

oikawa stood at his doorway, leaning against the frame with a posture that seemed relaxed at first glance but if you looked a little closer, you’d notice the tenseness in his shoulders and the tightness of his smile.

hajime quickly sat up on his bed before motioning for his old friend to enter. “uh, yeah,” he began, his voice cracking a little from disuse, “i have a lot to think about.”

the light haired brunette let out an understanding hum before wandering into the room, sharp observant eyes darting to look at all the empty walls. “looks like you’re all packed.”

“pretty much,” iwaizumi nodded before the room fell into an awkward silence, the two childhood friends completely avoiding one another’s eyes.

“look, i-“

“iwa-chan, i’m-“

they both paused for a moment before bursting into laughter, the sound carrying into the hall and throughout the house.

hajime wiped a few stray tears from his eyes, shaking his head at their awkwardness. “you first, shittykawa.”

toorū gasped in halfhearted mock offense before quickly sobering up, training iwaizumi with a completely serious look. “i’m sorry and before you go on some bullshit, self sacrificing rant, you’re not the only one to blame for what happened to our friendship.”

he sighed while making his way to iwaizumi’s bed, sitting down gently beside him. “i should’ve known better, okay? i shouldn’t have let my jealousy and insecurities get in between us but i guess i got swept up in the attention, yknow? meiko is actually charming when she wants to be.”

iwaizumi nodded in agreement, knowing all too well how compelling meiko could be. the room fell into a more comfortable silence as both boys escaped into their thoughts, questions about the future of their friendship flitting throughout their minds.

“oh!” oikawa was pulled out of his own head at hajime’s exclamation, his eyes moving to observe his friend dig through his pockets to procure a thick white envelope. “here. i’d like you to give this yn.”

all toorū could do was nod, his brain short circuiting at the sight of iwaizumi’s apparent kindness to the woman he tormented for so long. “uh, what’s in it?” he ventured to ask, his soft hands toying with the sealed envelope flap.

a soft chuckle came from across the bed. “don’t be so nosy toorū, just give it to her, yeah?” oikawa rolled his eyes but obliged, the bed creaking as he stood to his feet.

“so... this is it, huh?” it was like the reality of the situation was just now sinking in — they hadn’t been close in a while but iwaizumi was still his best friend and he wasn’t quite ready to let him go.

they’d been through so much together, practically growing up together and now, they’d only see each other on holidays, if even then, and then he’d never be invited to hajime’s wedding as his best man as they’d planned and he also wouldn’t be the coolest uncle/godfather of iwa’s children and—

“fuck no,” hajime scoffed with a bright grin on his face. “thought you were gonna annoy me til the end of time shittykawa. don’t tell me you’re quitting your job now.”

the hidden meaning behind iwaizumi’s words brought tears to oikawa’s eyes and before he could stop himself, he launched his body into iwa’s arms. hajime hesitated, his hands stuttering at toorū’s sides as though he’d forgotten how to hug but the feeling passed, his arms winding around his friend’s lithe waist.

“‘m gonna miss you hajime,” oikawa’s voice came out as a broken whimper, his arms tightening around his shoulders.

iwaizumi hummed instead of responding, too afraid of his voice cracking under the weight of his emotions. they stood there for a moment but the honk of the moving truck outside signaled the both of them of their limited time.

hurriedly, oikawa wiped the tears off his cheeks before waving awkwardly at iwaizumi as he left the room with a friendly, “don’t be a stranger.”

and then he was gone.

toorū finally allowed himself to collapse into sobs on his best friends empty bed, his palms pressing into his eyes as he sat there and just let himself feel.

apparently, he wasn’t crying very quietly because it took only a few moments for you to find him, your soft footsteps alerting him to your presence. oikawa scrambled to wipe away what he knew was an unattractive mixture of tears and snot as you got closer.

you were one of the last people he wanted to see him like this.

“hey,” you whispered, standing a few feet away from him. “um, i know this is probably a bad time but i just wanted to thank you for apologizing? back at the awards show?”

toorū sniffed as he looked up at you with confusion written on his face. “what? you shouldn’t thank me for apologizing. ‘s common courtesy.”

you laughed softly, nodding in agreement. “well, not always. so, thank you.” finished with your piece and not too keen on lingering where you weren’t wanted, you moved towards the door but were swiftly stopped before you got there.

“um, here. it’s from iwa-chan.” you gaped at the thick envelope oikawa was handing you before taking it and opening it, a low curse falling from your lips.

inside the package was a dense wad of cash, more money than you’d seen in months. accompanied with it was a letter, written in beautifully loopy handwriting.

you shut it quickly before oikawa could see, stuffing the envelope deep within your pocket where you could access it alone in the depths of your room.

“do you wanna come eat? last i heard, bokuto and tsumu were doing a cooking competition and i’m sure it’ll be fun to watch.” you were severely thrown off by the money and letter but you were determined to show toorū that you’d accepted his apology and were on your way to making amends.

he gave you a shy nod and trailed behind you to the kitchen, the loud sounds of fire and screaming coming from down the hall. you wanted to focus on the fun and merriment but the envelope was practically burning a hole in your pocket.

later that night, you finally got the chance to open the letter and read it, your former manager’s words bringing tears to your eyes.

dear yn,

i’m probably the last person you expected to hear from. you probably didn’t want to hear from me at all if i’m being honest and i don’t blame you. i know there is nothing i can say that could make up for what i’ve done to you but i’d like to try.

i’m sorry. those words don’t nearly express in and of themselves how truly remorseful i am but they needed to be said. there’s no excuse for how i treated you — not meiko, not my stress, absolutely nothing.

you deserved my common decency and respect and i didn’t give that to you. instead, i abused my position and made your life hell. i’ll never forgive myself for that.

uh, i bet you’re wondering what the money is? i promise i’m not trying to pay you off, it’s just all the money i’ve denied you since you moved here. i have a lot of wrongs to right and this is one of them.

sorry, i’m not very good with words but i just wanted you to know that i’m very sorry for everything that i’ve done. and i’m in no place to make demands or anything but i just wanted to ask if you’d keep an eye on oikawa for me.

he’s strong but he’s also vulnerable. he might be a pain in my ass but he’s my best friend and since i can’t keep him from drowning, i was wondering if you’d do that - not for me but for him.

anyways, this letter is shit but i suppose you get the gist. use the money for whatever you want and if you’re as unselfish as i’ve heard, you don’t owe me anything. you don’t owe me money, kindness, or forgiveness.

take care of yourself,

iwaizumi hajime

℗ poker face

so... this is it

series masterlist

(●’◡’●)ﾉ

an - soooo m back :D hopefully this is the last of my mini hiatuses!! this chapter sucked to write but i’m not mad at how it turned out?? pls let me know how i did skjdkd don’t forget to feed me <3333

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