#also i don't want anyone trying to pit us against who is better

[rockstarthedragon]

Ideya headcannon

So, I'm still here and I'm making head cannons. This one revolves around the idea of dark counterparts to the five ideya from the games.

Now, I must clarify something real quick: A lack of ideya doesn't mean that a dark ideya immediately takes its place. For example, if you lose your intelligence ideya it won't immediately be replaced by the ideya of ignorance. The way you gain a dark ideya is by rejecting it's light counterpart.

For example, if you are in a situation and choose to fester and linger on your despair rather than have hope that things get better, then your hope ideya's light gets snuffed out, goes dark and becomes the ideya of despair.

This also means you can have a mix of light and dark ideya as well as lack some ideya. When it comes to a lack of ideya, it manifests in a lack of ambition in what the lacking ideya's place. If you lack bravery and fear, you don't fear things but also don't have the bravery to do things you usually wouldn't do. You can imagine how this works with the other ideya.

Now, to what these represent (I tried to color these but Tumblr doesn't have many text colors so aaaaaa)

Hope- The ability to always see the smallest glimmer of light in the all encompassing darkness, to never give up despite the trials ahead and to declare that nothing is impossible if you try hard enough.

Despair- The darkness has snuffed out the light of hope, and realistic expectations have set in. the feeling that despite your best efforts, your dreams lie out of reach and with no ability to make those dreams reality, an ever consuming pit of despair forms.

Bravery- The ability to face one's fears, the unknown and dangerous obstacles that may lie in one's path. Nothing will get in the way of those who stand against the storm, slay the dragon and break free of the binds that hold them down.

Fear- The dangers that the world has makes the wielder choose to run, hide or freeze. Fear is a primal emotion that keeps the wielder from making choices that may risk their life, to avoid danger that may harm them and keep them safe, but at the cost of a life of fear and terror.

Growth- The ability to do better, to admit one's mistakes and aspire to do better. To get back up after falling, being beaten and bruised, is a feat in its own right. To become a better person, one must face the trials of their life and become stronger.

Stagnation- The attempts to become a better person do not end up working. Sometimes the trials we face are too much, and rather than face those trials, the wielder chooses to not try, to stay at the state they are now as growth seems to be a trial of it's own not worth the effort.

Intelligence- The ability to think critically, to use logic and wisdom and apply it to the situation at hand. Relying on abject facts, recalling information on a whim, using one's brain to problem solve and retain the collective knowledge of all the wielder has learned.

Ignorance- The world is full of things we'd rather not know about, knowledge that hurts to know about. The fact that we all die eventually, the fact that there is suffering beyond our control, wouldn't it be better to not know. Ignorance is bliss after all

Purity- The ability to aspire for greater things, not just for one's self, but also for others. The wielder holds true to their oaths, promises and morals. They won't let anyone get left behind, they'll be their for who have fallen and will do their best to make the world a better place.

Corruption- The lack of a moral compass, the only ambitions that matter are those of the wielder. They'll do whatever it takes to achieve their goals, no matter who it hurts. They'll lie, cheat, steal and manipulate others, using them like puppets to get what they want.

████ ██████████████ ███ ███████ ██ █████████ █████ █████████ ███ ██████ █████ ████ ██████ ██ ███ ████ ███ ███ ███████ ███ ███ ███ ███████ ██ █████ ███████ ███ ████ ███ ███ ██████ ███ █████ ████ ███████ ██ ██ ████ ████████

████ ███ █████

[dez-wade]

Ok this is long, but I feel that you like to discourse, but feel free to ignore this if you want! So last night there're very interesting convos between qbad and qforever, fist let me say how badass qbad is for dying in his own terms when all the server wants his head, he protects qpac and don't let himself die to not prejudice his team. He would stay in a role in the ground until the server close to not die, qetoiles and qroier would never be able to kill him, and actually no one wanted to fight with them, green needs a kill if they want to win, cause they didn't have any kill all the day

The green passes all day doing the quests, the only thing they needed was kill someone and kill qbad twice to get the egg quest and qforever manage to do it using diplomacy, he passes 1 hour talk with qbad, who would constantly try to change the deal and even talking with the other team to try and get something better. In the end their deal were good for both teams, green would win the day and finish the egg quest and blue would get the pix with fortune and end the quest as well by killing qfit, Also is best to blue if green won cause then blue would only need one win to stay at the lead, but if red won, blue would need two wins

Qforever talk with his teammates in call, they did know that he was trying to make a deal, but since the deal were broke and remake thousands of times because of qbad, people in his team thought that it didn't worked, but in the end it did, but qforever doesn't haved the time to say "hey NOW it worked guys". Also qbagi had the same ideia in the begging of the day of try to talk with qbad if they didn't manage to kill him, were everyone agree

People are using qetoiles and qroier who wanted to win by pvp to shit on qforever and saying that he passes by qetoiles authority, with was not the case, this people don't know how green works together, and even saying that qforever broke a alliance between green and red that he didnt even knew that existed, and even if he knew why wouldn't he make what he need to end the egg quest and win? I think qfit undestand this even more, since he is the only father of ramon, for him is best to green or blue win because of the deal qfit and qbad has about dapper and ramon

Like people complaining that this event is majority pvp, and then a player that is not good at it manage to put his team at top by talking and make a deal, also there were an admin with them when qforever was killing qbad. qforever, qfit and qbad will make whatever they need to win and get their kids back, and if who make the deal was the other team it would be conside fair and super smart

Yeah, it's extremely frustrating that people keep twisting what happened. Like, okay you don't need to like but people making it as if Forever did behind Roier's and Etoiles's back and that's the reason they were so upset it's revolting because they're trying to pit them against each other and make the others look like assholes.

And also, Green and Red didn't exactly have an alliance. Etoiles was 100% willing to kill a red if he found one in the wild that day but they were all hiding behind their safe zone, and they refused to fight him when he asked. What's the point of having an alliance where you put yourself at a disadvantage? Red already got two wins before, while Green got only one. People love to talk about balance but people were fine if Red and Green were together all the time just to target Blue? How is that fair to Blue being against two teams at once?

And in the end, they didn't even kill anyone from Red and just did an exchange with BBH, not even Blue, to kill him. It's not something that will last it was just for that day.

Sometimes it seems like people really forget this is a competition with their kid on the line.

[gritsandbrits]

Ins & Outs of 2023 💜

I know we're halfway through the year but change doesn't have an expiration date. I've been inspired by seeing lists made by other people so I take a crack at writing my own!

Outs:

Traumadumping/Sending me long rants in my inbox: Now I'm not saying you can't talk to me if something troubles you, I'm always open for a shoulder to cry on. But I am not a therapist. Also, if I'm talking about fandom stuff I don't need textbook long rants about the dangers of white feminism/liberalism/centrism/politics/whatever when I'm talking bout be like, Bratz or Transformers 😅. Half the time it is really not that deep, overly long rants clogs my inbox and honestly, I find them uncomfortable. It seems less like a conversation and more like a grudge post so if your feel that strongly you be better off making your own post. I am just one person!

Calling everything cheugy/ soulless: most of the time cheugy is just a word use to crap on things women likes. Also just because you don't vibe with a certain piece of media doesn't make it soulless, sometimes you don't need long rants or explanations. It's okay to dislike something without putting people down. I personally see this term so much it's becoming as overused as Mary Sue

Respectability Politics: most of the time the people who you work to try to earn respect won't give you that. Some noses need to be broken (metaphorically speaking). It's not being rude you're protecting your space.

Aesthetics: what I mean by this is following trends JUST to follow a trend even if it risks landing you in financial hot water. Or breaking down varied styles based on barebones idea (like there is more to Y2K than a belly shirt and shiny pants). Also not everything needs to be an aesthetic. Speaking of, Shein Hauls. Don't do it! You'd be better off saving on something that's actually worth the money

AI/NFTs: I don't need to explain this one

Beige: Going back to Aesthetic, beige has a connection to it. I know it supposed to give off clean vibes but everything being beige/gray/greige with nary a drop of color in sight just makes me sad :(

Recording People In Public: unless you have permission (or outing a potential Karen) don't do this. You could put someone's life in danger and it's just super rude in general. Getting a popular tiktok isn't worth harming others.

Cringe Culture: I admit I am guilty of participating in it back in my teen years. But now that I know better I realized I was being so sacred and insecure I wanted to be like everyone else...which is being a bully. It made me miss out on fun events and creators I couldve enjoyed if I had taken my head out my ass. Plus I'm not exactly Picasso myself, so who am I to judge. You don't know what an artist is going through sometimes the cringe is their outlet. As long as it's not hurting anyone why should u put people on blast for having fun?

Brand/Studio/Fandom Wars: I think we're at that stage where they have good and bad (and neutral) points. Everything is not always about conflict who makes the better movies/products. I find it reductive and sometimes it gets too far and innocent people end up getting dragged into a war they didn't ask for. Plus artists who work in rival companies/brands do support each other. We can enjoy media without pitting them against each other all the time and honestly it's just obnoxious stan behavior. Looking at you Cartoontwt.

Now it's time for the INs!

Creating for fun&joy: Yes it's okay to be upset if your art or stories aren't getting as much attention as you like, but that doesn't mean no one enjoys it. There's always one or two persons who loves your work! In general it's important to have fun and not let algorithms and "get rich quick" consume you. There is room for fun. Also don't make spite your entire motivation or else you'll end up with a Sonic Omens/ BlueyCapsules scenario. Take it from me: I may hate Cars 2 and Shrek 3 but I love those franchises too much to let interesting ideas go to waste. I have fun with the creating process, making picrews of Gwynn and Rhodanthe and self indulgent stories of my carsona and Finn.

Thinking For Yourself: You do not need to peddle someone else's opinions just bc they're popular. You don't need to jump on bandwagons, you can watch or read media and come up with your own conclusions. Practice Discernment and expand your horizons beyond watching that one review.

Self Inserts/OCs: back to cringe culture what helped me break out of that is making my own OCs. I love making OCs and Self inserts, it helps me get comfortable with designs and writing, everyone has a unique OC and have fun with them. Plus the ships are so cute everyone has a funky selfship or oc x canon

Color/Wearing what works for you: A pop of color helps to make your outfit stand out, and wearing what you want even for a couple of hours helps with your self esteem. Again everything doesn't need to follow an aesthetic or a trend as long as it suits your tastes (and budget)

Buying Products That Work: Don't just buy things just to have them decorate the shelves half the time bc they're cheap & not good for your body. Same with clothes buy something that lasts not because it goes well with a tiktok. Sometimes it's okay to spend a bit more on a product if it truly works for you. Also DIY can be VERY miss (the charcoal & glue peel off masks come to mind) so just get something specifically formulated for you

The Curtains Are PINK! Yes I wrote that in pink 💁 but essentially learn to value critical thinking. Learn to handle - and give - constructive criticism. Yes there are things that aren't that deep but that doesn't mean anything is unworthy of discussion. There's a lot of value in analysing media, and it helps you from hopping on bandwagons of misinformation

Working On yourself: doesn't need to be therapy (btw don't use BetterHelp) it can be anything: writing your feelings out in a diary, making vent art, trying new things, talking to someone you trust, stressballs, fidget toys. 2023 is the year of healing; it is VERY important to know how to FEEL not just shove down your emotions or take it out on someone. We're all adults we have a responsibility to initiate our positive change.

And I guess that's it! That's all I have of my Ins and outs for 2023

[registered-morro-simp]

In loving memory

Chapter 3/?

(This is a story about the events of Clay's death from the perspective of Aaron)

"I live to serve my master, Monstrox"

It's usually pretty hard to scare me, I'm basically fearless

But right now seeing Clay come back to life and side with the bad guys? It terrifies me

That thing I said about it being cooler if clay could talk? Yeah I take that back

I like Clay being alive again but not when it has a being evil side effect

"Attack!"

Oh no he's running straight at me

His hit is so strong it sends me flying away

Before I can get up he's already knocking Axl back

"Alright mister 'Grey Knight' i think I've had enough of this!"

Lance no!

"You can't hit Clay with combo nexo power"

Luckily Macy jumped in to stop him

Who knows what will happen to Clay if we hit him with our nexo powers

He's a statue! We'll smash him into pits and he'll go into the cloud

Then we'll really lose him forever

We have to defeat these monsters without hurting Clay

"What do we do?"

I wish it was a simple answer Macy but all the questions I'm getting lately are harder than any exam I've ever had

We can't hit Clay but by not doing that we're risking the lives of everyone in the village

As a knight, the safety of the people is my main priority

But as Aaron, I don't want to lose Clay again

"We got no choice"

We have to get the people out of here

"Merlock get the fortress out of here we have to withdraw"

Sorry guys but we can't take the chance on losing Clay

If he wasn't a bad guy now, he'd be furious at me for this

He was always ready to risk his life if it meant he could save others and in a way he did

But I'm not about to risk anyone's life, especially his

.

.

.

.

"Well, we could look on the bright side"

"What bright side?"

Don't make this so hard Macy I'm already not convinced of what I'm saying

"Clay is alive again!"

"Alive yes, also an evil granite-covered destruction machine that we can't touch!"

Gods damn it guys how am I supposed to be positive when you're all acting like this

"Baby steps, Lance. baby steps"

Come on! Clay is back to life, that's a good thing! We just have to de-evilify him or something and he'll be back to normal

See even Merlock agrees he's talking about a spell to do that right now sounds like a really powerful spell

It's all going to be fine

So

Why am I still nervous?

I'm probably still shaken up from that fighting, nothing like a good battle to get my blood pumping

I just have to step away for a while till I calm down

Yeah I just need a little rest that's all, I'll go back when I'm feeling better

I'm fine

I'm fine

I'm

"Aaron?"

WHY DO THESE GUYS KEEPS SNEAKING UP ON ME I'M GONNA HAVE A HEART ATTACK

"Um, yeah?"

"Are you ok?"

"Of course! Why do you ask?"

"Well, how do I put it, you seem more... jumpy? Than usual?"

"What does that even mean?"

"It means you don't look ok, Aaron. Are you sure you're fine?"

"Yeah! Why wouldn't I be?"

"Um, hello? Clay?"

"Oh yeah! Clay! Man, how could I forget about that? Thanks for reminding me, Macy!"

":|"

":)"

Why is she staring at me? I don't like this

"Aaron I don't know what you're going through but I know this whole thing is definitely impacting you just as much as me"

"Nope you're wrong I am totally A-OK"

"You can talk to me if you're feeling down you know?"

"Macy, I told you, I'm fine, f, i, n, e, fine"

"But-"

"Sorry, I really need some rest rn, battling those monsters is tough even without Clay there trying to stop us"

"..."

"Well! Nice talkin' to ya bye!"

Since when did conversations drain so much energy

.

.

.

.

I rest my back against the door as soon as it closes

I don't have the power to stand anymore, slowly sliding down till I'm just sitting on the ground

What's wrong with me? I'm supposed to be the happy one, this is exactly the situation where I come in and make everyone feel better

So why can't I do it?

Why can't I keep it together

I'm not just another knight I'm the leader now how can I cheer up the others if I can't cheer myself up?

Oh no, here comes the tears

Why now

Why

Why why why

Why is this happening

I just want everything to go back to normal

I want Clay to stop being evil I want to go back to being a regular knight I want everyone to stop being sad and miserable

Is that too much to ask for?

I cover my face with my hands trying to block the sound of my crying

I don't want anyone to hear me cry

What would Clay think of me right now? Crying cause I can't handle the responsibility

I can imagine the disappointment on his face, the thought of it makes me want to cry even more

I'm sorry Clay I'm really sorry, I know you trust me but I'm not strong enough

I'm not the brave and fearless knight you think I am I'm just a loser who can't do anything

You shouldn't have trusted me on this

I just want you back

Suddenly I feel a strong force shake the fortress

Break time is over I have to go make sure the fortress is safe

I wipe my tears and take a few breathes I can't go out looking like I just cried even if I did

I'm still trying to convince Macy that I'm fine

.

.

.

.

Whatever higher beings are in charge of this world, they must really hate me

Bet they're sitting with bags of popcorn like "oh boy can't wait for even more bad stuff to happen to that Aaron guy" "yeah I really wanna see him holding back evil Clay from trying to destroy the digital wizard"

As if enough stuff didn't happen already apparently I can't even sit down for two minutes anymore because even worse stuff keeps happening

Like that Clay thing!

Even with the four of us together we still can't beat him that's how hopeless we are

We have to hold him back until Merlock finds a spell and he sure is taking his sweet time with that spell

"I will destroy you all!"

Yeah yeah heard that before try being original won't you?

I've been through enough stuff this month alone the least of my concerns is wheatear you're gonna "destroy me" or not

Merlock is gonna find a spell and you're gonna be fine got it? So shut up and slow down a little

"Here goes!"

A strong wave of nexo power comes crashing through the door it felt like an explosion

Is this what the monsters feel when we use nexo powers on them? Cause it really hurts it must suck to be a monster

I get up and make sure everyone is ok

We're all beat up pretty badly but we'll live

"Where's Clay?"

Clay!

That explosion, it was a spell for him but where's he?

Is he back to normal now? What happened? He's not dead again is he?

I stare out the open garage door trying to find him

It looks like that explosion knocked him all the way to the other side of the kingdom

The others get up and stand next to me

We're all looking outside hoping to see Clay but no one sees him he's too far away

What if we lost him again? What if that spell just destroyed him? What will I do now?

All this thinking makes me tear up and the others are looking at me

But I don't have the energy to keep hiding it anymore

I fall to the ground and start sobbing

I'm tired, I'm just so tired

Tired of all those monsters tired of that stupid cloud tired of whatever is going on with Clay right now

My sobs become full on cries

I feel someone wrap their arms around me, it's Axl he's also crying

No no no I'm supposed to make them feel better not worse

Lance joins in on the hug crying as well

Hamletta's here too trying to comfort him

Macy joins the hug too we're all crying on the floor now and it's my fault

If I held it together until I was alone none of them would be crying right now

I can never let them see me like this again

< | >

[mach-speed-spin]

Evil Beyblade organizations rated based on their ability to work as a cohesive unit

Dark Bladers: 10/10. They may not be the strongest team, but they show immaculate teamwork and work together exceptionally well

Biovolt/ Demolition Boys: 8/10. Their top bladers work well together and even their regular bladers are pretty strong. The reason it's not a 10/10 is because Kai doesn't have much loyalty to them. As a whole, they're a well oiled machine with one defective piece

Team Psykick: 6/10. They start off as a 10/10 but between their elite team having to be mind controlled, 2 of their top bladers planning to betray them, and Doctor B trying to kill everyone in the building, I have to deduct some points

Saint Shields: 9/10. Mariam and Dunga don't always get along but overall they still cooperate on the battlefield

Zagart Industries: 5/10. Doctor K accounts for 4 of the 5 lost points. The other one is Zeo

Parts Hunters: 8/10. King and Queen work well together. Doctor K holds them back

Barthez Battalion: 2/10. Barthez struggles to keep his bladers in line and they revolt against him

BEGA: 6/10. The Training Squad works well together. The Justice 5 does not. Brooklyn and Mystel are often just doing their own thing. Crusher's loyalty wavers. Garland and Ming-Ming are the only ones keeping the team together

Face Hunters: 10/10. They're just a Kyoya fanclub

Dark Nebula: 1/10. I get Doji's reason for letting almost anyone join, since the worst case scenario is that they get fed to L-Drago directly. But the complete lack of loyalty, presence of a spy, lack of communication (Tetsuya didn't know he accidentally set them back by months), and the entirety of Battle Bladers make this one of the worst groups when it comes to teamwork

Hades Inc.: 6/10. Ziggurat, Damian, and the Garcias are on the same page. Zeo has to be blackmailed and Jack is too unstable. Faust should be the most functional part of this group, but like a machine with no off button, he keeps Tempo spinning even when Ziggurat needs him to stop

Nemesis Bladers: 8/10. While the Legendary Bladers they had on their side eventually turned on them, they were prepared for it. I can't give them a 10 because betrayal still happened, but I can't go below an 8 because it was expected

DNA: 2/10. The Garcias are the only ones who work together besides Kira and Yoshio, who have their own agenda that goes against the Garcias. It's just too disconnected of a group. Also there's a mutiny

Dominators: 0/10. Absolutely no one is on the same page here. Only their leaders know what their end goal even is. Jake and Sting are there for the fun of it. David and Gigante end up on opposite sides. Odin betrays them. The whole system where they torture and kick you out for losing in Judgement Bey doesn't exactly foster team spirit

Snake Pit: 0/10. No one has any loyalty to Ashtem. At most, the masked bladers (except Red Eye) do, but they all get kicked out pretty early on except for Yellow Eye. And Yellow Eye doesn't last that long either. Red Eye, Boa, and Gold Eye all used Ashtem and the Snake Pit to further their own goals, and were ready to throw Ashtem under the bus

Dread Tower: 7/10. Hyde, Kyle, Evel, and Damon work well together. Count Nightfell does not. And Evel betrays Hyde

Inferno: 1/10. Arthur wants world domination via streaming. Gwyn joins because he seeks to understand human emotions and doesn't care for Arthur. Joe is planning to overthrow Arthur. Blindt is there because he wants Delta to notice him, and ditches Inferno once he gets what he wants. The single point is because Another is actually loyal to Arthur

Nexus: 7/10. I'm counting Nexus as a villain group because Burst lacks those, and Nexus fits the bill for villains better than Rideout or the Raging Bulls. It's a 7/10 because Bashara leaves them, but Rashad and Ilya work well together

[beevean]

I said i was going to so here i go... WHAT ARE YOUR ISAACTOR HEADCANONS ? EMPTY YOUR BAG. TELL ME EVERYTHING !!

Please. 👉👈

The beauty of Isaactor is that we know next to nothing about their relationship in canon, and I've seen the most different of takes from other fans - rivals, close friends, boyfriends, fuckbuddies, abusive... and for each of them I've nodded and thought "yep, this makes perfect sense" lmao, canon doesn't tether me so I was free to consider every interpretation

So my indecisive ass blended every take together for my headcanons 😂

(but speaking of canon, I feel the need to post this one, small, singular glimpse of PtR because I can't get over it, Hector looks so done with everything, c'mon man Isaac was trying to be nice... in his own way :P)

That Isaac had a thing for Hector is 100% canon and I will die on this hill :P how could anyone resist his pretty silver hair? But as for Hector, I think there was the chance for him to like Isaac back. I think that, at his best, Isaac was fun to be around, he made Hector laugh, they were up to some shenanigans in the castle like racing on their Innocent Devils :P He also was his senpai, and I mean it in the real, untranslatable sense of the word - he's a little older than Hector, he started studying dark arts before him, so what if he taught him some tricks? What if Hector at first admired Isaac too? What if there was a time where Isaac was simply fond of Hector and proud of his progress, without his jealousy getting in the way? :)

And this is small, but... what if Hector never fell into the pit of "all humans suck" precisely because he met Isaac, and that for him was the proof that some humans were good after all? :')

I don't think they loved each other though, not in a deep, wholesome way. I'm going with MF's idea that they met as teens, and they were both messed up teens who had no idea what love was* because they were deprived of it, bitter and shunned, so while they liked each other and had fun together, they just kinda... clung together because they had nothing else, and had no idea of what they were doing. They were each other's firsts in everything, even friends, with no healthy reference lol. And turns out that, just because you can bond over the world hating you both, doesn't mean that you have compatible personalities.

(*tbf, at least Isaac had Julia, which is its own can of worms and another relationship brimming with potential for headcanons. I personally think that Isaac's family situation was at the very least a bit better than Hector's: Mr. Laforeze was a sorcerer himself so Isaac's powers didn't scare him, Julia just loved her big bro, and Isaac did his best to protect her. But I also think that he was treated much, much worse by the village he lived in, because you don't proudly state that you turned your back against God as a literal child without something breaking you... let's just say that according to some legends, strigoi have red hair and blue eyes :^) )

Admittedly, I'm also stealing a couple of pages from N!Hector, because not everything about him is a dumpster fire. There's nothing wrong, for example, with the idea that when he was younger, Hector used to be more passive - in the manga's flashback he comes off as a very shy, scared boy, most likely traumatized by his mother and the church burning because of him. When you're made to feel like you shouldn't have even been born, how much self esteem are you bound to have? So I think Isaac always had the stronger, more dominant personality (yes I'm saying that the man with a collar is dominant, he's a complicated guy [cit.]), and he managed to rope Hector into everything he wanted to do, and everything was on his terms. I don't see Isaac as a deliberate manipulator, let alone abusive, just that he put himself in charge (something something compensating for his perceived inferiority and needing to be seen as important something) and Hector never stopped him because he trusted Isaac too much.

And then Lisa was killed.

Imagine the huge shift that this brought in Castlevania. Dracula snapped and waged war on humanity. This, among other things, meant that the Devil Forgemasters were now tasked to create huge armies of demons, to then send to villages to be destroyed.

Imagine Hector and Isaac being overworked to death, stressed, and worried for Dracula's state. Isaac also has to face the facts that he's not quite as good as Hector, he can't keep up as easily, and Dracula already favores the other one, and it drives him mad. He wants that recognition too, he's afraid that he might be deemed useless, and if he's useless, what is he good for? Dracula is angry, demanding, merciless, he won't forgive any mistake because this war is too important to him, Isaac always has to be at his best and can't afford to slip up - so he doubles and triples down and twists himself to be as loyal and efficient as he can possibly be, compensating his flaws in Devil Forging with sheer, mindless cruelty to please his Master in any way he can. He even goes so far as to ask to be tattooed to really commit! I interpret Isaac as someone who doesn't want to think, he only wants to obey and belong to someone who deserves it.

Hector, in his position as the golden child, had the time to actually think about what he was doing. Again taking some inspiration from N!Hector, I imagine he had little empathy for humans, but not to the point of wanting all of them dead: he was probably uncomfortable with the requests of killing everyone, but at first he went along, because well, what else could he do? And he could vaguely understand why Dracula was so enraged. But, while Isaac really worshipped the very ground Dracula walked on and justified anything with "it's what my Lord wants and my purpose in life is to obey Him", Hector always saw his servitude to Dracula in a more distant way, as in, "I wanted power, you gave me that power, and to thank you I am willing to use it for you". So his uncomfortableness grew into something heavier to bear... guilt for the innocents he was killing, resentment for doing something he didn't want, a growing sense of self-worth, the realization that, no matter how many times he repeated that he did not belong to the human world (as per the Japanese version of the Devil Forging formula), he really was still as much human as the creatures Dracula so despised.

(a bit of a side note, I think Isaac also took Lisa's execution more personally because of his background as a sorcerer. Julia herself was hunted because of her nature as a witch, and who knows if they also went through something similar during their childhood? So I imagine he was more than glad to punish the "humans" for their irrational hatred against witches, while Hector was more detatched)

And what does this have to do with Hector and Isaac's relationship? Well, we know that Hector tried to involve Isaac in his morality crisis, and he was shut down without any hope for discussion. Isaac didn't want to think about that, he had other things to worry about. He was also starting to feel quite resentful about Hector, always better than him no matter how hard he tried - I think that the two started to argue pretty much everyday because Isaac kept snapping over everything and Hector was growing a spine. Jealousy is a bitch and can turn you into a nasty person :\ and I like to think that Hector started to look down on Isaac for his mindless devotion, which he couldn’t comprehend. To make matters worse, Hector didn't really have anyone else to confide in... well, there was Alucard, but I doubt that Alucard wanted much to do with two humans stomping all over his mother's wishes :\

(also personally i am a huge, huge slut for the idea that they'd still keep the physical part of their relationship because they lowkey miss each other but they're both too much prideful assholes to talk about it ;) at least, until Hector grew tired and started to feel used...)

By the end, Hector has had enough of Isaac's shit. He lost the one person he thought that could understand him, he wants to run away, he wants to be free, because he has realized his own worth - I love that part in the MF manga where he looks down on Isaac and makes fun of him for being a pawn, I need more of Hector being a condescending little shit :) Part of him still wished he could ask Isaac to run away with him, but he knew that he simply couldn't, Isaac has put Dracula over him, he'd rat him out, or he'd kill him with his own hands. So he thinks "fuck it", and leaves as soon as he can in secret, maybe even thinking that Isaac would be happy to not have the competition anymore. He underestimated how much being abandoned would hurt Isaac, though.

And that's how they became the worsties we know and love <3

As a bonus point, I like to think that the reason Isaac becomes so hyperobsessed with Hector but barely spares a thought about Trevor, the one who materially went and killed Dracula, is precisely because the Curse took his feelings and his deep hurt and amplified them up to 11, to the point that Isaac really couldn't think about anything else for 3 whole years :)

(another idea i'm a huge slut for is Hector living with Rosaly, actually experiencing love for the first time in his life, and breaking down because now he's realizing that what he had with Isaac wasn't even remotely the same thing and regretting ever stepping foot into Castlevania and wasting half of his life. And yet, at the same time, he grieves for Isaac because he had been such an important part of his life. My man has a lot of adjustment to do :( )

This ended up being a poutpourri of every headcanon I have of what happened pre-C3, but it's just. I have so many thoughts about my boys and they deserve more love <3

[sumacthing]

That post about the ex-terf trans man is circulating again. Really wanted to reply to it or reblog it to voice my frustrations but that would be a Bad Idea. But hey I have basically no followers so let me scream into the void for a bit.

I'm glad he stopped being a terf. And I understand he was in a vulnerable place when he was radicalized. And I do think we need to be better about extending community to people who detransition and aren't hateful.

And yet the way people talk about him REALLY rubs me the wrong way. And the way people talk about trans women expressing discomfort with that is worse. There's this tendency to act as if this wasn't his fault in any way, as if it's entirely the fault of the people who radicalized him, as if he didn't still spread transphobia in general and also, very frequently, transmisogyny in particular. And the transfems in the notes pointing this out are told "don't act like you couldn't be radicalized. Acting like this drives more people into the terfs' arms."

And it just feels so deeply fucked that we are being held more to account for his transphobia than he is.

Not only is him having been a terf not his fault because anyone could be radicalized, it's actually the fault of the people who don't immediately forgive or feel safe around him, the people he victimized.

And then they call us victim blamers for it.

I often feel like discourse on this website (and on social media as a whole) ends up pitting transfems against transmascs in a way that isn't productive or helpful (or, for me personally, congruent with my offline experiences). Sometimes I think that tma vs tme discourse ends up being a bunch of deeply traumatized people misinterpreting each other due to that trauma and I'll make a mental promise to try to think more about it through that lens when it comes up next.

And then a post comes along where the dynamics are just laid so bare. It's all just out in the open and I don't even know how to begin approaching it. I could view this through that trauma lens. I could understand on some level if trauma would lead people to deemphasize the ex-terf's agency in this situation, to make him purely the victim and to treat what he did as the fault of cis terfs working through him. But if that read is correct then I don't see how I have any option but to withdraw more from that corner of the trans community, because that feels irreconcilable. And I don't want to do that. But literally what are my options?

[autisticlee]

I want to be rich enough to afford my own business, then live off that so I don't have to work for anyone else and can make my job meet my own needs/comfort that other jobs cannot. getting and keeping a job as an neurodivergent and/or disabled person in a neurotypical and ableist society is so frustrating and overwhelming. they refuse to meet your needs, accommodate you, blame you for your struggles, and are hardly ever accepting, because you're a "burden" to them and don't meet their ridiculous expectations so you get rejected or fired! the only choice is to do it yourself!!!!! but even starting/running businesses seems to be greatly gatekept by them too 😭

one problem is that it seems only people who are already rich can start their own physical business, in this world today. only people who don't really need to work because they're born into money can make money off their own work. then they call it hard work and pulling their boot straps or whatever 🙄 so they just hire others to do all the work for them and take most the profits. then tah-dah, they have a successful business and only had to tell some people what to do and let them all do the rest for them. I can't afford anything that goes into my own business, especially the physical shop and hired help. my living situation makes it difficult to work from home because I live in a walk-in closet sized room with the entirety of my belongings squished into the small space. i'm trying my best to make things to cell (currently stickers, art prints, 3d anime/video game figures, etc) but it's so difficult and stressful.

or alternatively, get lucky, or have social skills and spoons, to get popular enough online so you can start online first or even full time. you usually have to be super social and interesting online to gain a following who supports you and becomes your fan. not everyone is lucky to have an enticing personality (I barely have one at all 😔) and the spoons to consistently keep up with the demand to keep people interested and continuously supportive. most people online treat it all as a competition and won't help others. they refuse to share your stuff or give advice or work together. they just care about themselves and their business.

the only real advice I got is "be consistent," which i'm sure any chronically ill, disabled, or ND person knows that's basically impossible. some days are good, some weeks are horrible and you can't do anything. that's why i'd work better with a team of others so we can fill each others gaps and stay seemingly consistent, if that makes sense. if there's multiple of us, at least one of us should have the spoons to keep things going! right???? but most online businesses are single-person run and they don't want to share and split anything, even if it's just a small collab for fun (I experienced first hand how gross fellow creaters can be to each other because they treat it as a competition instead of a collab and opportunity to enjoy working together and boost each other up. I will never forgive the bts fanart community for how snobby, childish, and bullying many of the "bigger" were behind closed doors! and smaller ones that licked their boots! ive also heard similar stories about other communities and places, like twitch, youtube, etc.)

then there's the whole business managing thing and promoting and all that. i'm a nobody on the internet, so even if I did online business only to start, no one will notice me or help! (I've actually tried before multiple times in the last almost decade and sold nothing but still struggled to keep up 😅) i barely have the executive functioning spoons to take a shower more than once a week 😭 running a business all alone with all the factors pitted against me? how! i can't hire help if no one pays me lmao

when i've asked for help before, even just asking friends to share my stuff, I get slapped with the whole "stop caring what people think about your work/numbers aren't important/do it because you want to and enjoy it/etc" and that's so insulting because it makes me feel like they're trying to say my work is horrible and worthless and I don't deserve to live off my hard work!!!!! (I'm no longer friends with these people)

what it comes down to is, I always feel like my only choice to actually work and possibly afford to survive is to start my own business????? I can't live off my parents forever and part time minimum wage jobs that I could *maybe* get (even if I was rejected from 200 of them in 2 months...) including the one I fo now are so painful, boring, unfulfilling, and/or stressful and not worth it! but no one will hire me for anything better because no experience and you need experience to get experience. or you need a degree and need money to get a degree but need degree to make money. and it's a whole paradox that is impossible for someone like me to get through. I get rejected at every interview for being autistic. i'm burnt out trying. I feel like i'm at a dead end and don't know what i'm supposed to do?

do any other autistic/ND/disabled people feel the same way?

I usually get told to "wait and it will happen one day" but this is life we are talking about!!! life doesnt wait!!!!! i'm not a teen/20s with ~my whole life ahead of me~ i'm getting older fast and have zero openings or paths that I can take alone. I know my disabled limits and it means I can't just make things happen like other people. I can't live independently or get a normal job, etc. I cant wait around forever and hope I get lucky. i've never experienced any luck so I don't believe it will help me. so I put in what work i'm capable off all the time instead of waiting, but see no useful results. I do my best despite what people on the outside see and tell me (I'm so fucking tired of hearing i'm Not Trying, Giving Up Too Easily, Being Too Negative, Refusing To Leave My Confort Zone, Not Believing In Myself and etc. it's NOT true. I don't care if that's how it looks. being disabled is NOT those things!!!! just because normal daily things takes more spoons and energy and effort for me than you, I need more help, and I dont have the ability to physically or mentally do certain things, (which means doing things beyond that is nearly impossible in most cases,) doesn't mean Those Things. no one understands how hard I try, how much I struggle, and how frustrating it is for it to all crash down, never work, and not matter. only very few people in similar situations understand and don't try to push me. I NEED SUPPORT not someone to remind me of how much I fail because I can't meet NT and abled expectations and do things THEIR way!

anyway, I fell into huge rant....is it possible for us to come together and make a ND/disabled-led business and only hire others like us? that would be cool and helpful. if I could start my own business, I want it to be mostly friendly/inclusive/accommodating to ND/disabled people. NTs/ableds have to follow our "rules" for once. a safe business/work space made for us, by us. it would be hard, but so beneficial to those involved 😭

[mercyraph]

Okay time for Bad Dad rankings according to me (MCU) (it's just the avengers, Gotg, and black widow film.)

1. Alexei. (Dad guy of Natasha and Yelena)

-I don't think I have to explain this but I will anyway.

-This guy concsiously made the decision to put his very very young adoptive-ish daughters in the red room. You know, the one who trains kid assasins and then like inevitably kills them if they fail, pit them against each other? Yeah.

-also fuck you alexei that's human trafficking.

2. 0d*n

-like come on who the fuck steals a child and then makes them hate their existence??

-Bitch ass lying ass bitch.

-He had 3 chances I don't know how he managed to fuck that up

-"oh but look at thor, he's always happy, and he's good." First of all, Thor is only good because earthlings taught him better shit than 0d*n. Second of all, he's always happy, and you don't find it concerning at all??

-thor turned out to be the depressed kid who wants to fight every mild inconvenience.

3. Ego

-okay now, him, U don't personally know. But if you're going to use your kid, you could at least not kill their mom yk?? That was a dick move

4. Thanos

-Now I know what you might be thinking, "why isn't he the top 1, he tried to murder half the universe blah blah blah," I Don't Care. Thanos by far showed the most care for his children.

-did he turn them into assasins? Yes. Did he pit them against each other in order to strengthen them? Also yes. But you have to admit, he cared about eacb and every stray child he got (disregarding of course the possibility that he mind whammied loki and tortured him)

-like he has different beliefs than everyone else that made him a bad father, but essentially it didn't make him like love them less. He just kinda loved the balance of the universe more.

-also there's something with the way he talks that's so...placating(?). Like when Ebony didn't show up, it wasn't like anger that he failed, it was mostly disappointment. Like the kind you get when you feel like you failed someone because they failed? Also whenever he speaks to anyone he sounds so peaceful idk.

5. That guy with the rings???

-like man why you blaming your child???

-also abuse???

-also hating your kids especially girly with the bangs???

6. Howard mf Stark.

-now here's the thing. I genuinely believe that Howard was neglectful but he was in no way abusive.

-I believe that Mr. Jarvis would most definitely not stand for the abuse of anyone in the Stark Manor. As does Peggy Carter.

-But He is neglectful. Just the company, SHIELD, shmaptain shamerica, everything, he completely forgets to prioritize his family.

-but I also believe that he greatly values the Stark name. Not in the sense that, "behave, do not sully my household name." But like, "this is my household name that I built from the ground up. Now that you have become part of it, there is nothing you can do to tarnish it. Be free, be gay, do crimes"

-like obviously not treason but like if Tony was ever like has disabilities or something about his Sexuality or gender identity, he'd do absolutely everything so that no one has anything bad to say about it.

-Not to say he will accept it (it's honestly this or that) but he won't allow anyone disrespecting a Stark.

-I just get the vibe that even if he was not a good father, he will make the Stark name impossibly unreachable, untouchable, no matter the circumstances. Like he'd be too focused on that to be homophobic or transphobic.

-like let's say ftm!tony, and he walks in on him trying Howard's old suit which are like sized bigger than him. He'd probably forget that tony was afab and be like, "This is not going to work, we're going to the tailor. I can't have people seeing you dressed like you got that from a thrift shop." Or like, "Why are you so skinny? Do you even work-out, boy? Drop and give 50, now."

(Please know that this would be entirely different had he been abusing. He's be in 1st place)

Anyway. Thank you for coming to my tedtalk.

[trashlie]

How do you feel about 223? Haven’t seen your thoughts on this even on Reddit so hope you’re ok!

Aaaaahhhbbh this message is so sweet hehe! 🥰💕 No worries, I'm fine! I went on my first trip I'm 5 years and I was so busy I had no down time to write down any of my thoughts! I did read it, though - I was trailing behind my friends into H-Mart and having a quiet cry as I read LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOO

I'm going to try to write a proper post after work but aaaaaahhhh! Tbh as hopeful as I wanted to be, I think the episode went through best it could have. (More spoilers moments under the cut!)

Real talk: I feel like there was no other way for that episode to go. I wanted to hope that Shinae could push Nol, I wanted to hope that Nol could in that moment find the comfort he needs, but I think we all knew better. And as heartbreaking as the episode was (like, TRULY heartbreaking) it felt weirdly hopeful...?

I'm going to write up a commentary/thought post as I reread it here shortly but I guess all summed up my thoughts are: Nol's scars are so incredibly deep, and many of them yet unhealed. While Shine has her scars and we know she hasn't made peace with them all (as evidenced when she went ham on the bear costume), she's in a better place regarding her scars than Nol is. I don't want to downplay what she's endured by any means, and I think part of her endurance is because she shoved so much of it down and repressed it, but I think it's safe to say that what has hurt her isn't as active. Alyssa's betrayal is in the past. Her mom leaving her is in the past. Although she's dealing with her sister stalking her, because she's not actively dealing with it, it's "in the past". That is to say - she's not held back in the same way by her scars as Nol is. His methods worked on her because of that, and likewise, using his methods on him won't work the same.

Nol's life is an active pit of quicksand pulling him down, and he found the more he struggled, the faster he went down. But even when he was content and ignored it, even when he found a sense of, perhaps not calm or peace but just a breather, he was still being dragged down. What happened to Shinae at the Kim formal is a reminder of just how active his scar remains. What happened with the judge of his case was a reminder of how active his scar still is.

It is not enough to love and be loved, because Nol is, for lack of better metaphor, a prey animal who has spent his life living like prey. He feels constantly under attack (because he IS) and thus he cannot bear to show his weakness. It's not simply that he doesn't want Shinae to see him like this, to see that weakness; it's not who HE wants to be, either. I think he bore a lot of remorse that he couldn't do it, that he isn't strong enough to. It's not a slight against their relationship, or who she is to him. It's that he is a person who is so hurt, who has spent so much of his life so afraid and hurt, whose very weaknesses have been used against him over and over. It's that while Shinae has found the ability to love him, he, himself, has not found the ability to love himself, can't bear to be who he really is for long.

I think Shinae is right, that she got a glimpse of the real him, and I'm glad she wants to see more. I think as heartbreaking and painful as the episode was, it's also SO HOPEFUL. It would be very easy to give up on him, but Shinaed learned from herself that no one is so hopeless they can't be helped. As it was, she thought it was impossible to beat herself when it came to this, and now she's learned that Nol suffers on a level she couldn't even imagine before, and instead of being mad that he won't open up to her, she has the empathetic insight to know the last thing he needs is to be truly abandoned. Maybe it's easier for him to feel like he's enduring alone, that he's not bringing anyone down or being a burden, but I trust that Shinae will find a way to reach out to him. Maybe it WILL take time. I always worried that we'd find all three main characters going their separate ways and it seems like I was right.

Maybe time away will help Nol heal some of his wounds. Maybe he'll find himself while he's away. Or maybe he'll find a shell that's easier to wear. (I've had a thought that maybe if Nol ever does go anti-hero, Shinae would be the tether that keeps him from going overboard, from turning into that what made him.) Like I said, it's not enough to be loved - he has to find a way to heal. Even if he's not fully healed, right now he's just an open-wound that's continuing to fester, and he can't make progress like that.

But at any rate, yeah, it feels hopeful. Shinae has learned that people need different methods to heal, that people are not an inherently lost cause. And while she's hurt by his refusal to take off his mask, I think she gets it, and understands that abandoning him is the last thing he needs.

But man did I cry lmao I felt so deeply for her, but also for him. It hurts to know how badly he feels, that even a moment that brought her so much joy couldn't reach him the same (that he's likely haunted by the fear of what happens when it ends, afraid that it could be used against him, afraid he doesn't deserve any of it). That little panel of her red nose ;~; I think this was masterfully played, too - the pacing has been SO GOOD and the tender, intimate episode leading to this one, the way 222 felt SO MUCH like the season finale of your favorite show leading to this moment of pain and heartbreak, that's somehow JUST hopeful enough for you to think that maybe, JUST maybe, on the other side of all this pain is the sunrise they desperately need ;~;

[arrow-ace]

wait omg give us a rundown on all your AUs they all look incredibly intriguing

Omg hello 👀

I'll try to keep these synopses fairly brief since their's so many but I hope they're enough to peak your interest. Also under the cut so I don't bother anyone randomly scrolling:

→ Covenheads Shipkids AU : What it says on the tin. It follows the local boiling Isles equivalent of a beauty pageant kid who grew up and lost her fame - Satine Vernworth - and how she and her friends cause chaos around the castle.

→ Silver Rebel AU : Luz goes full robin hood mode and becomes a parallel/rival to the Golden Guard - complete with black cape, blue accents and silvery grey mask

→ One Gold Survivor AU : The Grimwalker before Hunter survived by pretending to be dead and sneaking out of the pit of failures. He's been hiding in the shadows for years, but is has no choice but to reveal himself when an injury forces him to ask for help, shenanigans ensue

→ Belos' Circus AU : Belos is a clown, literally and figuratively. That's it that's the au. (Not really but still)

→ [generic corruption au name here] AU : What it says on the tin, get ready for inky black sludge, zombie apocalypse tropes and soul-crushing angst

→ Grim Walking Ghosts AU : Hunter discovers that he's being haunted — by an army of ghosts who look exactly like him. Very inspired by BBC's Ghosrs if you've ever seen that

→ The Owl Planet AU : Sci-fi themed AU - Luz stumbles onto a space pod being controlled by a tiny mechanical owl after it stole her favourite novel about a girl who gets abducted by aliens, and the rest is history.

→ A Weeping Heart AU : Huntlow hanahaki AU bc I hate myself </3 based on the fact that weeping willow tree flowers are pretty. Also changed around some of the hanahaki lore bc the original is a bit ick imo

→ One Realm AU : Au inspired by The Incredibles lol, witches are supers and Belos is jealous little shit.

→ Detective Luz is on the case! AU : Based entirely on my love for detective novels and the mlp episode Rarity Investigates. Eda is being framed for crimes against the emperor, and while she's definitely commited a whole lot of other crimes, Luz is determined to prove that she's innocent from this particular one.

→ Obligatory Warrior Cats AU, Obligatory Wings of Fire AU, Hunger Games crack taken seriously AU : I'm just gonna group these three together because they're quite similar. Angst, violent, and cool lore stuff galore

→ Phillip's TimeLoop AU : In an attempt to get back home, Belos gets himself stuck living the same day over and over (the day Luz comes to the Isles) and the Collector is the only other person who's aware this is happening. Will having all the time in the world force Belos to become a better person, or will he double down on his evil ways in the mundanity and insanity?

→ Obligatory Avian AU : Witches have wings and that's about it. Inspired by that one Barbie movie with the fairies and suprisingly realistic depiction of disability until the end.

→ The Lost Grimwalker AU : Hunter ends up the human realm sometime before the series starts and is unable to get back home. He is raised as Luz' brother and wants nothing more than to return to Belos in the Demon Realm, but when he finally returns he sees things from a wild witches perspective and is hunted down by the new Golden Guard who sounds and acts an awful lot like him...

→ Castle Cats AU : Castle Cats is this video game about an army of rebel cats trying to fight away the Evil Pugomancer and their army of dogs. This is just a toh version of that lol. Belos is a dog but devices everyone into thinking he's just a weird looking cat

→ Dos Belos AU : Caleb survives and becomes the 2nd emperor of the boiling Isles, the two brothers playing the same persona and giving the residents of the isles the impression that their leader is a shapeshifting, omniscient teleporter who's scary af.

→ Castle Buddies AU : Hunter and The Collector are friends. That's it that's the au (not really but I'm still working things out)

→ Let's play the Luz and King Game AU : My take on what would've happened if Collector Luz became a thing, King suggests that they play a game he had played with Luz and the Collector takes it a bit more literally then expected.

And that's all of them! I hope that's interesting! :D

Number of AUs focusing on Hunter and/or other golden guards - 6. I think I have a problem... or a blorbo?

[myhiraeth]

Are there any AU’s you’d like to explore but haven’t had the chance to yet?

munday meme || acceptingggg

I mean yes and no lol Most I've at some point gotten offers for and it's my incredible sporadic nature that keeps me from being able to develop them xD

Quick list of always-wanted au's plots though:

Circe - more clientele interactions with Circe. More people and police and vigilantes that use her services and develop relationships with each other. I love Circe being able to be her seemingly all-knowing self.

Louis - More messiness. More trash ships that are doomed because he's a fuckboi who thinks he's better than that, more ships that are toxic and unhealthy because HE'S kind of toxic and unhealthy. More people that want to be mroe to him and he jsut can't give it to them and cue the fights and arguments. MORE PIT INTERACTIONS. People he knows and loves showing up at the pit and seeing him at his absolute worst. The Pit tearing apart his relationships- Ripper (leader of the pit) forcing Lou to choose between having a healthy life outside the pit or having the pit but not both and Louis choosing the pit because he's scared of who he is without it.

Styxx - More allowance for Styxx to be his best OP self. I tend to downplay it and he admittedly doesn't use his OPness much but I'd love interactions that others or even himself allow to acknowledge his strengths. MORE BROTHER STUFF. I'm so down to npc and let others npc his twin Ash and I'd love more people seeing the absolute HATRED Ash has for his brother esp given Styxx is generally rough around the edges but likeable. More Ash trying to turn people Styxx likes/loves against him by telling horrifying stories about him (only a rare few of which are actually true).

Mbege - More canon shit with him without his voice. I'm a lil obsessed with him trying to communicate without a voice but I hesitate because it WILL make interactions harder and I pause when wanting to ask people to do that. ESP more post-bunker shit where he's just silent and completely fuckin' deadly after 6 years in the pit.

Dick - Family interactions all the way. Bring me ALL the batfam. It's my creme de la creme for Dick.

Jason - n/a

Blaise - More in general. Blaise is….. a comlpete jerkoff so I hesitate too asking to write with him because he is just a snobby, judegmental, asinine jerkface most of the time but like, with his backstory and the traaaaaauma he could be so fun to dig into. I just dont' know if anyone has the patience to deal with him and honestly I don't blame you hahah

Gina - SOMEONE GIVE ME BELLINA. I am a shameless stan of Bellamy and Gina and because I'm absolutely paranoid about force-shipping and Bell did end up with Echo I don't like asking for the ship but like- I want it I need it someone let us explore what they could have been they were so casual and easy and NORMAL in this canon world of so-not-normal.

Fox - MORE THIEF THINGS. I kinda let go of my hesitancy with Fox and I really want to lean into sassy, sarcastic, thief Fox. Gimme other criminals, cops, friends, romances, all that jazz. ALSO POST RING THINGS. Again where she's less childish and soft and more bold and rough around the edges has been where my desires lie with my foxy baby.

[steely-eyedmissileman]

The Vampires Diaries, Ep. 1x11

Bloodlines

as i learned from the wiki, this episode shares a title with an episode of star trek: the next generation. i have not seen this episode of tng, so i am unable to comment on further similarities. unfortunately, no episode of buffy was ever called bloodlines. i hope that one day tvd will use a title of a buffy episode... or maybe i don't hope that, actually.

this episode picks up exactly where the last one left off, further leaving us in a confusing place where time is moving forward at the pace of reality as the show airs, but it has also been max one month since the beginning of the show. the timeline is so confusing that i've given up on it. but it's still better than teen wolf!

since we are where we last left off, elena has just been in a car accident. stefan is calling her to find out where she is. he says she must be confused by the picture of katherine. i don't think she's confused, stefan. i think she's creeped out. because you're a creep.

at the car, elena is being approached by the vampire (probably) that she crashed into. luckily, she is saved. unluckily, it's by damon, who is being unprecedentedly helpful!

luckily, he immediately stops being helpful when he kidnaps elena and brings her to georgia. in the best music cue of the show so far, we get to hear cosmic love by florence and the machine! (which garnered this reaction in my notes: florence florence + the machine florence + the machine florence + the machine!!!!) damon insists that elena can trust him (she can't) and that he won't hurt her (i wouldn't bet on it).

back in mystic falls, stefan is trying to find elena. he asks bonnie if she can do a locating spell, but she is unable to do any magic at all. my theory: she was drawing power from the necklace itself and doesn't know how to do spells without that reserve to fall back on. (i turn out to be wrong [though i will argue that i'm not necessarily wrong, there's just also another thing happening]) this entire conversation involves stefan being as awkward as humanly (or vampirely) possible. bonnie runs off (in the middle of a school day) to go home and search through her grandmother's books.

in georgia, gina torres gina torres gina torres its gina torres!!!! gina torres is a witch!!!!! i want bonnie to talk to gina torres! (these are my direct notes on this portion of the show.) gina torres is damon's ex girlfriend. (on tvd as well as angel, she has bad taste in men. [i would like to formally apologize for invoking season four of angel the series, the worst season of television ever made by anyone ever.]) while damon is talking to gina torres, i begin to get a pretty good idea of his plan: he wants to manipulate bonnie into opening the tomb. i am not a fan of this plan: for one thing, i don't want twenty-seven bloodthirsty monsters to be released on the world. for a second thing, if that has to happen, i don't want bonnie to do it. but gina torres has been making plans of her own: she's going to kill damon! hell yeah!

back in mystic falls, the girl that i wish more than anything was in georgia is traipsing through the woods on what might be my favorite set of the show: the old church ruins. bonnie's grandma told her that she has a mental block against doing magic. this block is due to fear, and she needs to face those fears in order to access her powers again. obviously, bonnie interprets this to mean: wander around in the woods alone next to a tomb of vampires. unfortunately, she falls through a sinkhole into the pit next to the tomb. the rocks she falls on (in true star trek fashion) could not more obviously be made of styrofoam. bonnie begins freaking out because there's a pentagram and she hears weird voices. which, granted, is pretty freaky. also, she's trapped in a pit underground and no one knows where she is.

luckily, stefan has gone to bonnie's grandma's to try to find her. he learns that bonnie is trying to get over her mental block due to fear. he knows what she's afraid of and where she would go to face that fear. he runs out into the forest and saves her from the pit. this involves him jumping twice his height from a standstill, otherwise known as not how humans work. bonnie is saved! after the two get back to bonnie's grandma's, it is revealed that stefan knew the grandma from the sixties when he went to her sit-in. did stefan fuck bonnie's grandma? (almost definitely not, but it's funny to pose the question.)

meanwhile, damon is being unforgivably weird. 'vampires can't procreate... but we love to try.' that is an incredibly creepy thing to say to a teenager. especially a teenager you know your brother is (possibly) dating. (my girlfriend's thoughts on this topic: is that worse or is actually fucking the teenager worse?) damon then insinuates that stefan is creepy, as if he isn't much creepier on the regular (only one of the brothers has stroked elena's cheek while she's asleep). he then drops a very important fact that vampire bodies work like those of normal humans as long as they have enough blood in their systems.

then, gina torres's plan is revealed when lexi's boyfriend shows up to kill damon! hell yeah! unfortunately, elena has a deep desire that damon continue living, so she talks the boyfriend down. then, damon goes inside and kills gina torres (no!) by sticking his hand into her chest and pulling out her heart (okay, at least it was a cool death). damon then says he had a good time with elena (she was 'all damsel-in-distress-like.') he's now going to take her back to mystic falls. for your information, this is about a nine hour drive, so i have no idea how this episode is feasible at all.

elena and damon get home, and elena talks to stefan. this conversation is groundbreaking. it introduces so many very important plot threads and gives none of them the time and space they deserve. we learn that stefan was there the day elena's parents died. in fact, the reason that she's alive is that he pulled her out of the water. then he did a serious deep dive on her because she looks like katherine. and he was afraid she would be like katherine. luckily, 'you are the opposite of everything that she was.' (stefan has huge angel vibes here. very much that one scene in becoming part one where he's in the car looking at buffy on the steps of her high school.) and then elena keeps pushing. why do they look exactly the same? stefan says, 'and then i learned the truth. [beat] you were adopted, elena.' what the fuck?! (also, that still doesn't totally explain why they look exactly the same. it also means that katherine must have had a child before she was turned. or she had a sibling. but probably it's a direct genealogical relationship.)

it is weird that stefan knows this much about elena, and that he's suddenly willing to just say all of it in one fell swoop. what's weirder? elena seems not only fine with this, but into it. like now they're confessing their love for each other?! i guess. and then she collapses into his chest and they have the awkwardest hug ever. then elena goes home and jenna gets mad. and elena snaps at her. i get it; elena's upset because she just learned she's adopted. but, she disappeared for over twenty four hours and she's mad that jenna's mad about it. you're sixteen and you crossed multiple state lines with a strange man. i think jenna's anger is entirely justified.

now for the two plot lines i didn't care enough about to discuss as they were happening but did turn out to be important actually. jeremy has met this girl at the library. she's homeschooled, and he's doing research for that project. they have this argument about vampires, where he says, 'the union soldiers! i've read the stories myself. they talk about the enemy, the demons that attack at night.' now, we know that these demons are literal demons. they are vampires. but jeremy in this scene has said that union soldiers are demons. now, this is not great optics. it's not the worst thing that's ever been said on tv, but it's not great either. like this whole conversation left me with a bad taste in my mouth. it doesn't strike me as a coincidence that stefan talks about joining sitins in the sixties in the same episode where union soldiers are called demons. just seems like one was designed to cancel the other. it doesn't.

the other plot line is about ht. he's definitely not a vampire. :( so why does he act so much like a vampire? (it's a deliberate bait and switch.) we then learn, at the end of the episode that damon killed ht's wife. which is a reveal that is far less impactful than the adoption reveal from five minutes ago, so it's a bit wasted here in the episode's final seconds. putting that reveal at the end weakens the entire episode. which is a shame because it's otherwise quite good.

[neuro-gal-thoughts]

Supporting Other Women

Does anyone else feel like they're constantly in a conundrum with female friendships?

I recently had a conversation with two new coworkers, both women. We're all in our late 20s to mid 30s, and yet the pair of them said they don't have female friends. Both said other women play into competition too much. Too much gossiping. They get along better with guys.

*sigh*

I want to support and be friends with other women. But when the women I talk to just pit themselves against "other women/girls", what do I do?

If I choose not to be close to them, I feel like I'm participating in ostracizing the "Pick Me's" and it doesn't make them want to interact with "Other Women", only furthering the divide of "Pick Me's/Not Like Other Girls" and "Other Women/Girls".

But often, if I choose to try to get close to them it tends to turn into clique-ish situations. The new friend will often have at least one girl/woman they don't get along with who they gossip about, and then talk down other women.

Like, it makes me uncomfortable if a woman passes judgement on a celebrity ("I can't stand Jennifer Aniston. She's only famous because of her looks and her famous dad." Girl, we don't know Jennifer Aniston IRL and talking shit about her doesn't make you inherently better than her, why do you have to put others down??? ToT ).

I had a friend who often told me they had a lot of female friends and they were the fun friend who I could talk to about fun things, trade interests with.

I don't know when I first noticed the negative ways they'd talk about other women, but I recall a moment that stuck out to me was when I shared a podcast with her.

She liked the show a lot, she loved the male host....but the female host has an annoying voice.

The showrunners had talked about receiving fan letters about the female host's voice before too so it kind of hit a nerve with me.

I told the friend they didn't have to listen to the show if they didn't want. But I didn't know how to tell them that I found their comment on the female host's voice to come with a shade of misogyny.

Maybe because I knew the friend would see this as me attacking her. She has a lot of female friends and she supports other women a lot. How dare I accuse her of misogyny....are some of the defenses I imagine she would say to me.

I ended that friendship because when I tried to confront them about hurting my feelings, she followed up "I'm sorry" with a list of excuses ranging from she's a bitch and blunt and I should know that, I wasn't very caring to an issue she had a week before (which she didn't tell me had upset her until I addressed with her that she had hurt my feelings), her life is so different from mine maybe I just don't understand what she's going through in her life, how dare I expect her to hold space for my feelings because it's sexist that society expects women to be responsible for coddling other people's feelings.

I felt off and bad that she used sexism as an excuse for being dismissive with my feelings. I also noticed that when she was defending herself she was comparing herself to me a lot ("Maybe you take this hobby too seriously, I'm just trying to have fun" "your life is so different from mine maybe you just don't get where I'm coming from").

I remember when I was trying to reply to her I didn't want to compare her to me, I didn't want to accuse her of having feelings or thoughts I suspected/guessed she might have because I don't know what she was feeling or thinking. But to see that she did that to me...it just made me feel terrible and like she was deflecting accountability.

It was a fear I had would be her reaction and that was why I was hesitant to confront her in the first place. To see my fears confirmed, it was a reminder that someone who invalidates my feelings and thoughts don't need to be exposed to my feelings and thoughts.

I just think...often we are pitting ourselves against each other when we don't need to.

As a non-confrontational pacifist, like, I don't know how to navigate that relationship without it either being me feeling like I have to walk eggshells around someone who says they are a feminist but will always (silently and not-so-silently) compare themselves to other women or me ending the friendship because I felt like our friendship was toxic.

Not to say I don't have any fellow lady friends, I do. One of my closest friends is a woman I've been friends with for almost 2 decades.

I've never felt like either of us pitted ourselves against each other. This friend has told me about her struggles with comparisons to other girls and women throughout their lives but I have always felt this friend is more nuanced and honest. I don't feel judged or like she will hate me when I get insecure and make mistakes.

So I don't know.

I guess, like all people, there are some women I can get along with better than others. But that doesn't mean that I'm doing it wrong.

But God damn, I really do wish I could strip away the comparisons and competition with other women and just have us show up for each other.

I know I still have a lot of work to do, but I wish it wasn't so hard to navigate.

[redxxstrings]

💥💢🎂🍧🌹🙈📣🎁🖍️☄️💓💘💗❤️💙💚 for ichigo!! (i'm so sorry this is so long, i just want to know everything about him because i care him)

!!!!!!!!

never apologize, i’m always so happy to give you the Ichigo Lore™

💥 COLLISON - what emotions do they have trouble dealing with?

contrary to popular belief, ichigo... doesn't really have problems with his emotions. despite his occasional bouts of anger, he's fairly competent in handling his emotions. the only ones he might have issues with are things like love and affection, but that’s only because he hasn’t ever experienced those — and even then, those are emotions he’s just awkward at dealing with. he’s not repressed or anything.

💢 ANGER - what are some habits they have that will take some getting used to?

how quickly he falls asleep.

at the drop of a hat, ichigo falls asleep, usually without even trying. while it’s not something that bothers him and it’s not something that hinders his daily life, it’s still something that could very easily become a nuisance to other people.

🎂 BIRTHDAY CAKE - when is their birthday? do they like celebrating it?

may 3rd! he’s a taurus :)

ichigo doesn’t really care about his birthday, though. he’s not against having a party (if someone else throws him one — he has no desire to set one up himself), and it’s not like he hates the day or anything, but he just... doesn’t care. hell, half the time he forgets that it’s his birthday until someone mentions it. he’s always been like that, ever since he was little.

if you throw him a party or even just tell him happy birthday, he’ll be happy, though. it means a lot that you’d remember something about him that he perceives insignificant.

🍧 SHAVED ICE - do they still have any objects from their childhood? what significance does it have to them? what would their reaction be if they lost it?

most of his childhood items are still in his mom’s house with the exception of one — a blanket that he’s had since he can remember. it’s nothing really all that special — just some well-used, fluffy red one — but it’s one of his biggest comfort items.

if he lost it, i think he’d probably get really anxious, but the kind where you just feel this deep discomfort in the pit of your stomach. he’d also have a hard time sleeping since that’s the main blanket he sleeps with.

🌹 ROSE - do they like valentine’s day? have they been confessed to before? have they confessed to anyone before?

valentine’s day is another day ichigo is extremely neutral toward. he doesn’t have any inherent issue with the holiday, he just... doesn’t care (again, lol). if he were in a relationship with someone who did care about it, he’d do whatever he could to make the day special, but from a personal viewpoint, it’s just another day. he does like all the candy, though.

he’s never confessed to anyone at all, much less on valentine’s day. similarly, no one has ever confessed to him, much less on valentine’s day. please be his first.

related side detail: every year on valentine’s day, his mom still sends him candy and a card. and every year, he buys her one of those obscenely huge boxes of chocolate.

🙈 SEE-NO-EVIL - what’s a side of your oc that they don't want to show other people?

there’s a small part of him that still holds scars from the past — from when he was younger and was getting into fights more often than not. he’s not a particularly insecure person, but every now and then, he’ll end up so far in his own head that he becomes one. was there something wrong with him? is that why no one ever liked him? was there still something wrong with him? is that why his own father never wanted him? did his existence ruin his mother’s life? would it have been better if he had never been born? would it even matter if he hadn’t been?

he doesn’t want anyone to see him like that.

📣 MEGAPHONE - how loud are they? what do they speak like? got a voice claim?

ichi’s voice is naturally pretty deep, but he’s not loud. he doesn’t like raising his voice, honestly — takes too much energy out of him. his normal speaking voice is fairly monotone and usually pretty tired sounding, and i imagine that he has a little bit of a dialect that comes out every now and then. (i also imagine that he lowkey talks like a delinquent anime boy. does the “haaah?” a lot.)

i don’t have a specific voice claim at the moment, but i do kind of imagine him sounding like draken in the tokrev sub. except maybe a little deeper. and less expressive lmao.

🎁 PRESENT - what types of presents would they be most happy to receive? are they good at gift giving?

out of everything, i think ichigo would be most happy getting gifts he could use in some way — stuff like food or clothes or other things that serve some function or purpose. he doesn’t mind getting other things, but he’s never sure how to express his gratitude about them — after all, it’s easy to show you liked something someone cooked for you by eating it, but what is he supposed to really do with something like a poster? hang it up and just... leave it?

as for the reverse, i like to think that he’s actually surprisingly good at giving gifts, given that he actually cares about and likes the person he’s buying a gift for. he remembers and notices little things easily, so it’s not very hard for him to get something someone wants. you mention some game you want in passing? check the price tag on a shirt in the store before moving on? you’ll end up with both of them on your next birthday.

✏️ PENCIL - is there a particular quote / lyric that you associate with them?

THE ENTIRETY OF MAMA BY J-HOPE

but for a specific part—

“hey mama you can lean on me, always by your side you gave to me unconditionally, you were my support hey mama now trust your son, you can smile”

☄️ COMET - what do people assume about them? are they right?

most people assume he’s scary, mean, and angry all the time. the “scary” part is right, but the other two— not so much. they also tend to assume that he’s always looking for some kind of fight, when that’s also rarely the case.

💓 BEATING HEART - what gets their heart racing?

any type of intimate and romantic affection.

he’s not used to it in any capacity, so even the smallest bit of affection will make his heart start beating embarrassingly fast. it won’t show on his face, though... unless you keep doing it. give him one too many kisses and you’ll have him blushing bright red.

💘 HEART W/ ARROW - what traits do they look for in a relationship? do they believe in love at first sight?

the biggest one would be someone he can be comfortable and chill with. despite how he may come off, ichigo doesn’t like a lot of stress or drama — he gets enough of that with his band as it is. he’d like someone he could just lay down with for hours and talk about whatever comes to mind. also someone who could make him feel safe enough to be vulnerable and soft — he’s... never really had someone like that. not romantically, at least.

he has somewhat mixed feelings on love at first sight. he doesn’t think it exists for him, but he doesn’t doubt that it’s happened for other people. i mean, me and kazuki are right there lmao

💗 GROWING HEART - if they have a crush, is it noticeable? what changes when they're in love?

yes and no.

at first, it’s not noticeable at all — ichigo isn’t the type to get (outwardly) flustered or embarrassed by being around someone he’s into, nor is he the type to act all that different. the most he might do is act a little nicer toward them, but even that is fairly subtle — offering help with little things; grabbing them things without them asking; going out of his way to make sure he doesn’t accidentally scare them or think he’s mad at them.

the most noticeable change, especially when he’s fully in love with someone, is that he’ll willingly spend time with them. letting people into his space isn’t something he generally likes to do, but if it’s with someone he loves, he doesn’t mind.

wanting to be alone with them is the main way he can tell that someone means a lot to him.

❤️ RED HEART - their love language(s)?

quality time and acts of service. the main way ichigo shows he loves someone is by being around them, whether actively talking or doing something or just existing next to them. he also shows he loves someone by doing things for them — from little things like getting something for them so they don’t have to get up to bigger things like making food for them.

💙 BLUE HEART - do they miss their s/o easily? how do they act when their s/o isn't around?

he doesn’t miss them consciously, but he does miss them. he’s used to being alone, and generally still prefers to be alone regardless of if he’s in a relationship or not, so he doesn’t really act any differently despite them often coming into the back of his mind; wondering what they’re up to and if they’re okay; wishing he could see them soon — that kind of thing.

that said, depending on how long it’s been since he’s last seen them, it would start to bother him — he’d feel off and like something is missing, but he can’t exactly place what the issue is. it wouldn’t really hit him just how much he missed them until he was back in their arms.

💚 GREEN HEART - what things make your oc feel comforted? hugs, kisses, food?

despite not being a very touchy person, being held is one of the main things that comforts him when he’s not feeling well. let him sleep on you, run your fingers through his hair, kiss his forehead — he’ll start feeling better in no time.

[latte-fairytaekwoon]

Church (Choi San) Rated

Pairing: Choi San × Reader (Female)

Genre: Smut, Angst, Fluff, College AU, Friends to Enemies(?), Enemies to Lovers (?)

Summary: He used to be her best friend until he abandoned not only his childhood beliefs, but her in the process. One night, he decides to show her a glimpse of what she's been missing out on. Inspired by Chase Atlantic's Church .

Word Count: 6.3+K

Warnings: Mentions of religious beliefs, brazen college parties, allusions to alcohol/nicotine intake, body insecurity (reader has small breasts), oral (female receiving), fingering, nipple play, body worship/praise, slight cumplay, multiple orgasms, unprotected sex (always use protection), slight corruption kink, inexperienced reader, experienced San. (Probably forgot something)

Taglist: @little-precious-baby @yunhoiseyecandy @yunhofingers @galaxteez @brie02 @deja-vux @a-soft-hornytiny @multidreams-and-desires @couchpotatoaniki @daniblogs164 @yunsangoveryonder @minhyukmyluv @nanamarkie

╬╬═════════════╬╬

The infamous rebel let out a pernicious snicker when he saw the serene and usually proper former acquaintance walk in his direction.

"Are my eyes deceiving me or is that really the pastor's prissy little daughter out past her bedtime in a college party?" He found the situation much too amusing that he just had to point it out.

"I have a name you know." The female he was referring to halted in her steps to turn her head and give him an unkind and unfriendly look.

"You have several, actually. There's goody two shoes, priss, prude, prig-"

"Oh shut the fuck up Choi San." She scoffed as she began walking away from him, already feeling annoyed by his presence.

The man trailed after her, his face donning a shocked expression as he flailed his arms around in a dramatic way.

"Guys it's happening! The apocalypse is really here if L/N Y/N has not only attended a wild party full of debauchery, but her mouth has actually uttered out cursed words!" He shouted out, the other attendants either joining in laughing at her or ignoring him in favor of the bottles or sticks in their fingers.

"I'm surprised you even know what that word means." She turned to look at him with a mocking smile, arms crossed over her chest.

"Please, I know a lot more than you have ever pretended to know." He clicked his tongue, elbow coming up to rest on the wall next to him.

"Is that why you turnt corrupt and abandoned everything you believe in?" She couldn't help but spat back at him.

"Hey at least I was honest and didn't hide it like you people who lead double lives. Preaching one thing but living the total opposite. You're all nothing but a bunch of hypocrites." The venom in his voice was unmistakable, nose scrunching up in disgust as he remembered gross sins he had more often than not had witnessed from people who claimed to be pure and holy.

"I do not lead a double life." She remarked.

"Oh really? Then why the hell are you here in a college party? Full of alcohol, drugs and walking STDs? Riddle me that princess." His foot tapped against the floor, patiently awaiting an answer from her.

Y/N swallowed the non existent lump in her throat and turned her gaze to the floor in embarrassment.

"I just wanted to see what it was like. Just once." She admitted begrudgingly, the man in front of her chuckling lowly.

"Well you sure are going to have a lot to confess on Sunday to your dad. Silly girl, walking into the lion's pit like this." He jeered at her.

"Don't get ahead of yourself. Just because I came here doesn't mean I've done anything morally wrong." She counteracted his words to which he only snorted.

"Yet."

Tired of his overly obnoxious attitude, Y/N spun on her heel to get away from him, but she spun so carelessly and fast that she ended up bumping into another classmate who unfortunately was holding a full cup of beer that ended up being doused all over her white blouse.

"Oops! Sorry, my bad." He excused himself, looking completely unapologetic about the situation.

Meanwhile Y/N looked absolutely horrified as she took in the drenched state of her shirt that now had the stench of alcohol on it. The fact San was bursting out in giggles only served to make her even more mad.

"Now tell me how do you plan on explaining that to dear old-"

"Can it San or I swear I'll gauge your eyes out." She threatened him as she stormed out the building, not caring that she bumped into a few figures on her way out.

Feeling just a bit of empathy for his old friend, San sighed softly before following after her. Upon catching up to her, he took hold of her wrist and started dragging her in the opposite direction.

"Hey! Get your filthy hands off me! I will not hesitate to scream!" She tried tugging her arm away.

"Calm down I'm not planning on kidnapping or anything like that sweetheart. I'm taking you back to my car."

She let out a dry laugh at that.

"But that's not kidnapping?" She raised an eyebrow at him.

"I have a spare shirt in the backseat that you can change into. Unless you wanna go home smelling like PBR." He looked back to see the mess one more time, lips curling up into a smirk.

Against her better judgment, she allowed him to take her all the way where his car was parked, standing there quietly as San rummaged through the backseat before taking out a clean plain white tshirt and held it out to her.

"Here. Put it on."

She looked at him with a face that asked if he was stupid.

"Well what?" He asked.

"Oh yes..I'm totally going to strip in a middle of the street and let anyone passing by see." She rolled her eyes at him.

"Oh for fuck's sake, there's nobody here, nobody is going to see and frankly I don't think anyone cares about seeing your non existent boobs." He scorned at her as he gestured to her chest.

"Ok rude and uncalled for." She felt slightly hurt by his comment, having always been somewhat insecure about the size of her chest.

"Don't look." She warned him.

"Not like I want to." He jeered at her as he turned away to not only give her privacy, but to also serve as a lookout for anyone that might accidentally show up and see the scene. He could hear her behind him tearing off her clothes and then slipping it back on.

"Ok there. I'm done." Y/N announced as she stuffed the soiled shirt into her bag.

"Not even a thank you?" San pouted slightly, to which Y/N gave a feigned smile.

"Thanks."

With that said and done, she brushed past him and started walking away, absolutely done with the night.

"Careful not to get caught sneaking back inside your house." She heard San say from behind.

"For your information I'm not living with them anymore. I moved into the dorms 2 months ago." She stated in a matter of factly, a proud look on her face.

"Well in that case....want to ride back with me?" He offered.

"Yeah no, I'd rather take my chances at being kidnapped and then butchered up. Besides, I wouldn't want to cut your wild night short." She declined the offer.

"Stop being so negative Nancy and accept my generosity. Geez."

Running over to her, he quickly snatched her up and threw her over his shoulder, ignoring her shocked exclaims and protests.

"Now this is really kidnapping!" She declared.

"Yeah I know, now shut up before I duct tape that bratty mouth of yours." San grinned mischievously as he tossed her into the backseat and shut the door before striding over to get on the driver's seat.

"Oh come on. Stop looking at me like I'm a criminal. Just because I indulge in a few sins every now and then, doesn't make me into a bad person." He stated when he saw the dirty look she gave him.

"Whatever." She muttered as she locked in her seatbelt.

San opted for just driving back to the dorms and get Y/N tucked in her bed since it was clear to him she needed it.

╬╬═════════════╬╬

"You're lucky my roommate is on vacation, otherwise I would have left your ass back there." Y/N spewed out as she threw her keys onto her dresser.

"Thanks Y/N, I always said you were the nicest and most giving person in the planet." San complimented her as he felt he should given she was letting him stay the night in her dorm after a little tiny incident with his keys dropping inside one of the manholes surrounding the university. And the administration office wouldn't be open til the morning, meaning he was screwed unless his roommate showed up to let him in, but that was a definite no since San knew Seonghwa would definitely end up in someone else's bed and come back til the next day, hickeys plastered all over his neck and chest.

"No, you always said I was the most stuck up-"

San shushed her by pressing a hand over her mouth.

"You dwell so much on the present image of me you drew up in your head that you completely erased the friend you had all those years ago." He slid his hand off her mouth, shoulders slumping down as he turned away from her to crouch on the floor.

"That friend doesn't exist anymore, that is if he even existed in the first place. If I recall, my friend wasn't into parties, booze, vaping, tattoos, piercings and fucking around with every whore in the school."

San didn't say anything as he heard her ramble, he just let her talk away as she started pulling out spare blankets and pillows for him to use.

"My Sannie was sweet, cute, adorable, always ready to lend people help and respectful to others." She reminisced with a sad look. Pulling her expression straight, she laid out the blankets and started arranging them neatly on the floor.

"I still am."

San's voice was so quiet that she barely registered that he even opened his mouth in the first place, but she heard him.

"Maybe if you weren't so puffed up with pride and didn't cut me off after I cut ties with the church, you'd see that I'm still the way I was. You think I changed completely because of ink and metal on my body? Because I wanted to try certain substances and yes, satisfy some perfectly normal and humane needs?"

Y/N averted her gaze from him and continued the task she was in. San let out a despondent scoff.

"Of course you do. And yet didn't I just demonstrate to you back there that I haven't changed? Giving you my shirt, giving you a ride, yeah I know, it's not much and no big deal, but wasn't those the types of things I'd do even back then?"

Y/N's tongue poked against her cheek as she knew she couldn't deny that was San said was absolutely true. He did nothing different back at the party as he used to do years ago. Helping old ladies with grocery bags, giving away some of his clothes to less fortunate kids, he was always known as being such a giving and kind person.....

No wonder so many were devastated when it was announced he had resigned as a member of the church. Y/N herself was hurt and even indignated by his decision. And after that she adamantly refused to see him or talk to him, and of course San respected her decision and avoided contacting her so as to not make her uncomfortable. He understood that their friendship was broken and he wasn't going to overstep boundaries just to try and fix it when the other party didn't want it. So he just decided to live his life as he thought was right without his conscience bothering him. And he was much happier now, he felt free, something that he had never felt before. Perhaps he was so chained down by formality, discipline, strict regulations and even fear that he didn't realize that he was miserable all that time until his eyes were fully open and he found he didn't like what he saw, especially after seeing the dark and ugly side of what was supposed to be a safe and pure sanctuary. He was let down severely and he suffered in the process. But now that was behind him and he had no regrets......

Except Y/N. He truly missed her and her company. As he laid on the makeshift bed on the floor, he found himself unable to sleep as he recalled all those fond times spent with her. The trips to the lake, hiking, first day of school, their first accident after he had gotten his driver's license. He let out an involuntary smile at that memory. Unbeknownst to him, the girl on her bed was equally reminiscing on the old days filled with her best friend. She had been so alone ever since she distanced herself from him, the world now feeling empty and cold without him. Shifting around in her bed, she whined into her pillow as she desperate tried to sleep.

"What's the worst thing you've ever done?" Her question startled San momentarily.

"Are you that sleep deprived that you're suddenly asking me to confess my worst sins?" He chuckled amusedly.

"Maybe it'll help me get actual sleep, I don't know. And.... I'm just curious." She clutched one of her plushies and started messing around with it.

"Curiosity killed the cat and I don't think your virgin mind will be able to handle my confession." He asserted confidently.

"I'm not a virgin, but oh well. Just tell me, what's the worst?" Her casual response made San flip out. He sat upright and kneeled at the front of her bed with an incredulous look.

"What do you mean you're not a virgin? When did you-?" He was so flabbergasted he wouldn't even finish his sentence.

Rolling over to where he was, Y/N smirked at him.

"Uh uh. I asked you a question first and you have to answer it before I can answer any you want."

Knowing he had no alternative, San placed his chin on the top of her mattress.

"Had a threesome with 2 of our professors." He laughed when he saw how shocked Y/N looked.

"What?! No way!" She refused to believe him.

"It's true. I won't tell you who they were since you won't be able to look at them the same way if I did...... I'll just dish this: they both got really huge tits and it's a shame they're married." He admitted with a smug expression.

"I can't believe you." She fanned her face which she was sure was now a deep crimson color.

"Ok now your turn. When did this happen? Who was it with?"

Y/N didn't even mind that San got up and crawled into her bed to lay down next to her. His face was rested on his hands as he looked at her with intense inquisitiveness. Knowing she'd have to talk about it sooner or later, she thought it would be best if San was the one to know since he would never tell anyone else and he'd understand since he was tainted as well.

"Remember when that group of missionaries came to stay over at our city for a while back in high school?"

San nodded, vividly remembering everything. Y/N blushed and smiled shyly.

"Do you remember that there was a family with a son our age? Chase?"

San widened his eyes and flopped over on his back as his hands came to hide his face.

"Oh dear lord, please don't tell me it was that Canadian boy." He groaned in pain.

"Yeah....yeah it was."

San couldn't stop cringing at the thought of his friend doing such a thing.

"How even did that happen?" He was so lost.

"I don't know! It just did ok? It happened while we were out in that camping trip. Somewhere there, we were left alone and we started talking about everything and nothing til it spiraled into talking about sex and us being virgins decided to see what was the big deal....." She bit her lower lip as the memory flashed in her mind. Looking over at San, she knew he was judging her as she expected. A tiny snort escaped his lips.

"That must have been the worst 45 seconds of your life." He joked, earning him a slap on his chest by Y/N's hand.

"It was not 45 seconds!............. it was 2 minutes."

San only laughed harder at that, nearly crying from how funny it was to him. He composed himself though when he saw how embarrassed Y/N looked about it. Feeling bad for laughing at her expense, he cleared his throat and patted her head.

"It's ok. First times are always awkward and uncomfortable. The problem was you weren't prepared and you were both inexperienced. He just didn't know how to please you."

Y/N couldn't help herself as she asked:

"And I suppose you can?"

Flipping onto his stomach, San cupped her chin with his hand and ran his thumb across her lower lip.

"Don't tread on dangerous territory little angel lest you want an evil demon to corrupt you." He warned her, and although he wouldn't actually follow through on it, he did want to tease her a little. But he wasn't expecting for Y/N to play along to his teasing, only she was not joking at all as she brought her face closer to his.

"Maybe I want you to corrupt me, show me what I've been missing out on." She brushed her lips against his, tongue daring to poke out and press on his slit briefly, leaving him stunned.

"You have no idea what you're asking for princess." San mused as he held himself back from touching her.

"I know what I'm asking for Choi San and what I'm asking for....is you." She responded with confidence.

Escaping from underneath the blanket that covered her, Y/N reclined back on the mattress, her head laying on her soft pillow as she gestured for San to come over to her, which he promptly did. Parting her legs so he could fit his body between them, he smirked softly down at her eagerness, fingers brushing against the soft skin on her thighs.

"You're serious about this?" He wanted to make sure it wouldn't be something she'd regret.

"I already messed up once, what's one more time gonna do?" She pulled him down against her, not caring when he lost balance and accidentally crushed her under him with his muscular body.

"Besides...." Wanting to further entice him, Y/N brushed her lips against his ear.

"Look at me and tell me you don't want to fuck me. That you don't want to stuff that hard cock of yours into my tight and inexperienced pussy. Bet you're itching to tear into me until I'm crying under you. Don't you want that?"

San let out a moan at hearing such filthy and depraved talk from her. It only fueled his appetite and hunger for indulging in carnal desires.

"Yes... I want that.... I want you."

Closing space between them, San molded his lips over hers, encasing them in a sloppy and wet kiss. Y/N could faintly make out the leftover scent of alcohol and nicotine as she let him taste her mouth, but she didn't mind or felt grossed out by it. She just kept her lips parted and allowed him to move his tongue freely inside her. Cupping her cheeks, San continued to roll his tongue over hers, massaging it gently with both deep yet gentle strokes. When he pulled away, he made sure to tuck her bottom lip between his teeth, pulling it towards him as Y/N let out a moan that was like music to his ears. Pausing briefly, their lips were barely touching as they breathed in each other's air. San was the first one to break into a smile, the one that had Y/N melting since it displayed his dimples to the fullest.

"Never thought I'd hear that sound come out of your pretty mouth." He teased her.

"S-shut up." She frowned, hand reaching up to smack his chest.

"It's not a bad thing. I like it. Now let's see if I can make sure you keep them up."

Stuffing his face into her neck, San ghosted his lips across her skin, tongue subtly poking out solely to hear her breath hitch slightly. Dipping his tongue into her collarbone, his lips opened up so they could firmly latch and spread wet kisses across her neck. Y/N gasped when she felt teeth sink down, head tilting back to give San more room which he took advantage of. Focusing on particular spots that he knew she was sensitive in, he sucked her skin into his mouth. Each time he pulled away, he reveled when he saw the finished mark that was now painted on her skin.

"I would love to see your parent's reaction to my love bites." He brushed a fingers across the newest spot he just embedded in her body, hand then reaching up to suddenly clasp around her neck. Y/N shuddered when his grip got tighter, her oxygen intake getting cut and making her feel hazy, but it was nonetheless enjoyable. Snaking a hand under her shirt, or more like his shirt, San swiped his tongue over his bottom lip as he started to pull the material up.

"How about I make some matching ones all across your pretty chest?"

Before he could lift the shirt any further, Y/N's hand clasped around his wrist, preventing him from moving any further.

"Don't." She begged him.

San retracted his hands away from her, fearing he made her uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry." He immediately apologized and began to move away from her, but Y/N's hands raked against his thighs to keep him in place.

"No, it's not you. It's just..... if we're going to do this, can I keep the shirt on? I don't...." She took a deep breath and closed her eyes as she admitted an insecurity of hers.

"I don't like my chest. My boobs are too small, it's unflattering and I'd rather you not see them." She slowly opened her eyes to see his reaction. San had a sad look on his face, bottom lip poking out as his fingers came up to brush against her cheek. Remembering what he had previously said back in the parking loyal, he felt terrible for saying that ill intended joke about her body. He probably hurt her and he didn't realize it.

"Y/N don't say that. Your chest size doesn't matter. You're beautiful the way you are and I bet underneath that layer is clothing there is the cutest and most adorable set of boobs in the world." She let out an involuntary giggle at his words, letting him run his hand down her clothed sternum.

"But if that's what you want, I'll respect it. Either way, my tshirt looks amazing on you." He acknowledged rather cockily.

Shifting further back, San took hold of the top of her shorts, making sure to look at her.

"Are you ok with these coming off?"

Y/N resisted the temptation to slap the top of his head.

"If you don't take them off, how are you going to fuck me genius?" She retorted.

"You'd be surprised at what I've learned." He uttered, mostly to himself than at her.

Like an expert, he practically tore her shorts down her legs, panties falling to the floor along with them. Y/N let out a soft squeal when he took hold of her thighs and brought her down so his face was at eye level with her most intimate part. San took a few seconds to admire her bare mound, lips parted and threatening to start drooling all over her thighs. Pressing both thumbs against each one is her lips, San pried her folds open, staring intently as he now clearly saw all of her.

"Oh fuck. I'm gonna need to prep you real good. I can tell you're going to be really tight."

She wanted to ask him what he meant by prep, but her words got caught in her throat when she felt his tongue delve into her core. She had never felt someone's mouth anywhere near her folds and she regretted not having experienced it before. Her eyes shut tight as she marveled at the sensation of San's tongue lapping at her bud, his lips making sure to enclose all around the flesh surrounding it before giving it gentle suckles. Shaky breaths blew out from her mouth, her legs wanting to close themselves around San's head but his firm grip on her thighs kept it from happening. He kept her knees pinned to the bed as his mouth continued to ravish at her taste, sloppily consuming her heat fervently. Her mind was so occupied in what he was doing that she didn't register the hand that slowly crept away from her thigh until she felt something poke at her entrance.

"Oh-" She gasped, opening her eyes to see what was going on.

"Relax princess. It's just my finger.....for now." He momentarily pulled off her heat to let her know what was happening before diving back in to continue his task of eating her out.

His finger inside her felt a little weird at first, sliding in slowly before pulling out only to plunge itself back into her. During one of those times where she expected him to slide back in, she was surprised when she felt herself being stretched out as San curled a second finger inside her. Keeping them lodged there, he began scissoring them alternatively so he could further spread her walls apart. During one of those movements, his fingertips brushed along her hood, making her hips slightly jolt up into San's face, who smiled against her folds as he now knew exactly where to angle his hips for later. Using this new knowledge, that was probably unbeknownst to Y/N, he slipped his fingers deeper into her, knuckles deep as he moved his tips rhythmically on the the spot he found. Y/N's mouth fell wide open into an 'O' as whiny gasps and airy moans poured out of it. San's mouth latched to her clit and his fingers working deep in her hole was producing a stirring in the lower pit of her stomach that she couldn't quite make out. But it felt good, especially since it continued to grow more and more, almost as if it was a cord about to snap.

"San- wait. I feel, I feel-" She couldn't finish her sentence as her body trembled slightly, a flood of overwhelming pleasure washing over her that was prolonged by San drinking up the juices that spilled forth out of her body. He didn't pull away until he made sure to swallow every drop she had to give.

"Aren't you grossed out?" She asked him, always having wondered about that.

"Nope. I love licking girl's pussies, especially if they're as sweet as yours." He affirmed while pulling his shirt off his body.

Y/N turned her flustered face away from him, keeping her gaze locked on the wall to her right, which was decorated with several polaroids of her with her family, friends and members of her church, some of them even had San in them, back when they were inseparable. Before she could become nostalgic, a strong set of hands clutched her chin and teared her gaze away from the pictures, forcing her to stare at the now naked man in front of her.

"Forget about that for now. Right now I want your full attention on me and what we're about to do. After we're done, that image of a good girl you have will gone." His words seemed to almost taunt her.

Although she tried not to look, Y/N's eyes fell in between San's legs, filled with astonishment when she glimpsed for the very first time at her former friend's member, fully erect and leaking at the tip as it awaited to be hugged by her warm walls.

"Like it? Maybe later I'll let you play with it." San giggled when her eyes shot up at him in surprise.

Placing himself to hover above her, he hummed lowly as he slowly stuffed himself inside her, working her open until he was fully nestled inside her warmth. Although she felt a light burn scraping against her inner walls, it wasn't unpleasant or painful like her first time. She could tell San knew exactly what he was doing as he began rolling his hips. Perfectly recalling exactly where to aim at, he made sure to angle his thrusts accordingly so each time he pushed back in, he'd hit her pleasure spot.

"Oh God-" Y/N exclaimed when he continued to brushed against the hood of her core.

"Really think it's a good idea to call out the good lord's name when I'm balls deep inside your pussy?" He asked with a malicious smirk plastered across his face.

"No baby. Tonight your only lord is me."

Pinning her wrists above her head, San continued pushing his cock deeper into her. The harsh pounding of his hips against hers was becoming louder, their bodies starting to get heated and producing sweat. Y/N couldn't do anything but whimper and wrap her legs around San's waist, keeping him firmly locked to her body. She closed her eyes once more as she felt the same familiar feeling from before start piling up, only it felt more intense and stronger probably due to the fact that she was getting railed to her bed by her ex best friend, whom she still cared about deeply. She was definitely not planning on making up with him this way, but holy hell, she couldn't deny that he was making her feel so many emotions at once. Pleasure, lust, satisfaction, happiness, euphoria, love? Perhaps that last one was definitely a stretch, but she blamed her confused thoughts on how well his cock was abusing her hole. She felt unable to focus on anything except him.

"Clenching so hard around me babygirl. Are you gonna cum all over my cock?"

Slipping one hand in between their bodies, San pressed his thumb against her clit, rubbing it back and forth so it would serve as an extra push to tip her over the edge. Y/N splayed her hands on San's lower back, nails raking against his skin, causing him to hiss.

"Fuck- am I seriously making you feel that good babygirl?" He knew for a fact he was feeling absolutely amazing, her tight warmth gripping along his shaft, making it hard for him to hold back much longer.

"Mmm yeah." She shamelessly moaned.

"Am I better than your first?" Although he already knew the answer, he still wanted to feed his ego and hear her say it.

"So much better! It feels so fucking good." She inhaled sharply when that she began to feel the sensation from before. With even louder cries from before, her body shook underneath San's, blood rushing to her head as an even greater orgasm coursed through her body. She was left speechless, a full on panting mess even after San had pulled out of her after helping her ride out her high.

"Oh geez. Shit." San's voice rasped out as he jerked himself off, his cum painting her thighs white, not stopping until he had finished coating them with everything he had to give.

Looking down at the mess, Y/N couldn't suppress a tiny giggle, one of her hands clasping over her mouth while the other picked up some of his cum and spread it between her fingers.

"Having fun there?" San grinned, finding her fascinated gaze to be completely adorable to him.

"Yeah.." She said as sat up to get a better look at the cum around her thighs.

"Well I was going to clean it off you, but seeing as you're so entertained by it, I'll just leave you with it."

Not forgetting that he was merely a guest, San slid himself off her bed and plopped his tired body onto the blankets on the floor. Closing his eyes, he was thinking he would finally be able to sleep, but he found his plans thwarted when he felt a pair of hands graze across his chest. Looking up, he found Y/N straddling his lap, biting down on her lower lip as she grinded her wet folds along his softened dick which was now becoming hard again thanks to her.

"What in the world are you doing you crazy girl?" He sucked in a breath, not expecting her to suddenly pounce on him.

"I wanna try that again." She pleaded, grinding her hips harder on him.

"Oh my- did I accidentally turn you into a nymphomaniac?" She chuckled at his joke and although he groaned as if he was frustrated, he obliged to her wishes and sat up.

Clasping her waist with his hands, he lifted her up and guided her so she could easily sink herself down on his length. Not letting go, he slowly rolled his hips up, burying himself deep in her body once more. Since they were both still riled up from their previous session, it didn't take long for both of them to start spewing out a clutter of moans and grunts as they once again get lost in a mist of lust that clouded their minds. San drunk up every expression on Y/N's face. Every twitch of her facial muscles, every shuddering breath she exhaled, each time her eyelids shut close, he marveled at seeing her enjoy the experience. He loved seeing her indulge in such an intimate practice with him, more so given how special she was to him, one of the most important people in his life aside from his family. Looking down at her torso, his fingers brushed along the hem of her shirt.

"Please...." His urging caught her attention.

"Please let me see all of you. I want to admire every inch of you and your beautiful body. I promise I won't laugh or judge. I just want to worship you."

Y/N hesitated briefly, still afraid to let him see what was hidden under the shirt.

"It's ok if you don't want to. I won't force you." He shot a kind smile at her as he focused back on making sure to drive his cock up into her.

Feeling safe and knowing she could trust her lifelong friend whom she thought of as a soulmate at one point, Y/N reached for the bottom of her shirt and peeled it off her body. Coming face to face with her bare chest, San groaned in ecstasy as he slid his hands up her body.

"Just as I predicted, you have very cute breasts."

Pulling her chest to his face, he opened his mouth and took one of her nipples in it, swirling his tongue around it before sucking on it. Y/N's fingers raked themselves through his hair, harshly tugging them when she felt his teeth sink themselves into her flesh.

"Aren't they too small?" She inquired.

Letting go of her breast with an audible pop, San cupped her chin.

"No baby, they're absolutely perfect. They're gorgeous, just like every other part of your body. You're gorgeous, absolutely stunning and holy fuck, you're driving me insane honestly." He confessed, his mouth diving into her other breast so it wouldn't feel left out from being tenderly kissed and sucked on.

His words sunk deep in Y/N's heart. He really did found her beautiful, attractive and it spurred something in her. Feeling a newfound passion, Y/N unconsciously began taking over their movements. Pushing against his thrusts, she began to set her own pace, rutting herself on top of his dick. San of course took notice and was happy about it.

"Oh wanna take over now baby? Well go ahead."

Laying back down on the floor, his eyes stared up at her with lust.

"Fuck yourself on me darling."

Encouraged by him, Y/N began bouncing herself on his cock. Finding an angle that she liked, she sunk down on his length over and over, her head thrown back as she used his body to push her down another spiral of immense pleasure. San just relaxed and admired the way she lost herself and gave into her deepest desires. He loved the way she rode his cock, and he loved feeling her walls tighten once more around his shaft.

"Oh shit- Sannie." She cried out his name as she quivered on top of him, her juices spilling out onto his cock once more.

Knowing fully well she was probably aching between her thighs, San gripped her hips and helped her ride out her climax so the feeling she was going through wouldn't go away just yet. He made sure to be gentle, easing her up and down his cock with absolute tenderness. Once he knew she was satisfied, he pulled her of him and set her down on the floor before sitting up above her body. Just like before, he took hold of his cock and began pumping his cum out of his body, plastering it all across her inner thighs and even splattering some on her stomach. Looking up, Y/N had the same giggly expression as before.

"Does my cum really make you burst into a fit of giggles?" He questioned her.

"I can't help it. It's just... I don't know. Maybe it's the fact it's so dirty and wrong, and then to have you spread it all over my body." She explained, which made San chuckle.

"Maybe I should baptize your thighs with my cum more often." Although he was joking, Y/N was more than willing to take him up on that offer.

"Will you?" She looked up at him with puppy eyes.

San studied her for a moment, before a wicked idea popped in his brain.

"How about you let me baptize and stain that pretty face of yours?"

Getting a hint of what he meant, Y/N got up on her knees while San stood up right in front of her, cock in hand as he brought it up to her lips.

"I hope you weren't planning on going to morning services tomorrow because I'm going to keep you up til morning until your knees hurt."