#also just for good measure in case anyone thinks i'm being mean

[justalittlebluetiefling]

Who asked me for almost 18.5k words on Steve and Nancy from Stranger things? No one? Just me? That’s fine. This was how I wanted to spend my time the last two weeks anyway.

I’m not great at introductions. I’ll just start this off with a bold thesis statement: Nancy and Steve have been intended as an endgame couple since season two. “Erin,” you might be saying, “season two is a stretch. They broke up so she could be with someone else,” while you not-so-secretly think that I’m losing it. To which I would point out that, yes, Jonathan and Nancy were one hundred percent intended to be the endgame couple at first. However, things shifted when they decided to keep Steve alive and give him his own character arc and development. They were turning Steve into someone that could be a good partner for Nancy and it doesn’t make a lot of narrative sense for them not to come back to each other in the end.

I’m getting away from myself. My point is that doing an immediate rewatch of the entire series after season four came out, I could see the shift that I hadn’t noticed before, so I want to talk about it by dissecting almost all of their interactions in every season with so many screenshots, because that’s just the kind of person I am.

Disclaimer: I just like picking apart narratives for fun. If you disagree/don’t ship it/hate me for writing this, that’s fun for you, but if you don’t have something constructive to add, let it die. There will be some talk about Jonathan and Nancy’s relationship in here as well, because it’s important to the narrative, but all the talk will be serving the thesis statement above. (I’ll also probably repeat points a few times because this is long and I lose track of things like that. And this is BARELY proofread by me, so I’m sorry.)

Season One

1x1

We get a few things from this episode.

Nancy is into Steve, but trying not to get her hopes up.

Our first glimpse into the Wheeler marriage. They are very obviously nowhere close to being on the same page.

It really is fun to go back and see Nancy with a crush. Just a girl with a crush on the popular boy and she’s really really trying to be cool about it. I mean, saying, “He likes me, but not like that,” while she can’t not smile the entire time?

We know Nancy is trying not to get her hopes up, so it’s nice that she has a friend here who knows her worth.

And this also begs the question… how much has Barb been present for their interactions? Not at all at this point, right? That’s not an answer we’re going to get, but she seems pretty insistent that Nancy is downplaying things.

Which, okay, we shift over into the bathroom where Steve and Nancy are making out and he’s doing dumb things like smiling into the kiss and trying to make plans to hang out more. Make out more, under the guise of studying.

The big thing about Steve here is that we don’t know much about him and his motives at this point. It would be really easy to write him off as what he was intended to be in the original script. But you can see it here. The way he doesn’t know what to do with someone like Nancy. How she might be different from other girls he’s pursued and he’s a confident guy, but he can tell he’s in a little over his head.

There’s also a greater conversation to be had about Steve and how much he needs physical touch as comfort, but I’m not ready to dive into that yet (maybe not in this essay at all), so I’m going to put this here. Physical touch: 1

Again, like I said above, it would be easy to write him off, right? He helps her study and he does try to push things a little further than she wants. But he listens when she tells him to stop and they go back to studying. This is something that I’m going to bring up again, but here’s why this is important. What we’re seeing here is that Nancy is the one who is setting the pace of this relationship. Whether or not it’s a pace he’s happy with, he’s sticking around, because she is what he wants. And this matters to Nancy. She sees him respecting the boundaries she’s setting.

It’s a little hint for us, the viewers, too. Something important about his personality to file away for later. This way he pushes followed by the rapid (if reluctant, in this case) pivot. And it’s important that we see Nancy clocking this. Taking in the way that he is different from the persona he uses on a daily basis. Now, in the future, we know that he’s a sad, vulnerable guy who is putting on a show, but no one at school knows that. Still, it’s something he can be for a moment around Nancy, because what’s that thing they said about Steve and Nancy? How she listens to him in a way no one else has at this point and it makes him feel more comfortable revealing this other side of himself?

I don’t know. I’ll talk about this more later, because Steve really is a rollercoaster this season.

1x2

So, their next scene is kind of interesting. Barb is quizzing Nancy in the hall and Steve steals the flashcards and both Steve and Nancy don’t notice Tommy messing with Barb’s ear really quick? But there’s something about how Nancy is Steve’s primary focus. Barb is more of an accessory to her than an individual at this point in Steve’s mind.

But, and I’m just going to dive into season 3 knowledge really quick, we know that the school’s perception of Nancy (per Robin) is that she’s “such a priss.” She and Barb aren’t cool by any means. And Tommy’s being a dick to be a dick. In contrast with Steve here, who is kind of being a dick to get attention. Anyway, it’s a whole thing with him tolerating Barb because he likes Nancy, and then there’s the other layer where Tommy and Carol are tolerating Nancy, because they like Steve. But that tolerance doesn’t extend to Barb. Hell, it barely extends to Nancy. This is the first time we see them, right? And it’s a horrible introduction. They listen to Steve, but they don’t really care how much he likes this girl. They laugh at her and she knows they’re laughing at her and I mean, honestly, this is kind of another thing about him, right? His friends don’t like her. She’s not one of the popular girls. But he doesn’t flinch about pursuing her. It’s a whole thing I don’t know how to get into, especially when he later tells Robin that Tommy H would have laughed at him for going after a girl like her in school and he hated veering away from what was expected of him. When it seems like, at least here, his pursuing Nancy isn’t exactly “cool” either.

Okay, back on track. We also get one of our only pieces of insight into his family life. His dad is out of town and his mom went with him, because she doesn’t trust him. It’s this line he’s made into a throwaway comment, because the real focus here is he wants Nancy to come over to his unsupervised house, right? I mostly want to point this out, because I’m going to say something about my thesis statement. At this point, this is actually still Nancy and Jonathan’s story and this moment here is showing Steve seeing Nancy’s distress and trying to push immediately through to the fix. This is simplifying what he does a bit, but it’s behavior we’re seeing now for a reason (and behavior we’ll see again next season).

Nancy’s saved from answering when Jonathan shows up, putting up posters and Tommy and Carol start making fun of him from a distance. We do at least see Steve telling Tommy to shut up when he jokes about Jonathan killing his brother. It’s hard to tell if that’s for Nancy’s benefit or not. He’s clearly annoyed when she goes to talk to Jonathan. (And this, right on the tail of him revealing that his dad very obviously has been unfaithful to his mom.) I’m inclined to think it wasn’t for Nancy’s benefit, but I’m feeling generous as I’m writing this.

And we’re hopping in the timeline a bit, but let’s finish talking about Steve here for a sec. Based on the way Steve opens the door, I would assume that he knows Barb is coming, but he doesn’t look bothered in the slightest. In fact, he is just so happy that Nancy’s here that nothing else matters. I mean, look at these faces. Look how excited they are to spend time together in a house without adult supervision.

Which is a perfect segue back into Nancy herself. It’s still just fun seeing her act like a stereotypical teenager with stereotypical teenager worries for a minute. And in stereotypical teenager fashion, she is nervous to go to this “party” without a safety net, no matter how excited she is to hang out with Steve. And she’s so excited! Both Nancy and Barb both know what’s going to happen. Or what Nancy wants to happen.

Nancy is trying to pretend it’s not about that for her, but she’s already made up her mind. Barb knows her friend well enough to know what’s going on. She doesn’t feel like she belongs here, but she’s here because she’s a good friend.

This is about Steve and Nancy though, so I don’t need to dig too much into Barb here. I also can’t even say that we’ve all been in this situation, but it feels like it’s relatable. Like a lot of people have possibly been either the Nancy or the Barb (or both) at some point in their lives. That intoxicating feeling of being into someone new, someone who you really like. Or sitting off to the side, being the chaperone your friend requested, with no actual desire to be there.

Honestly, Nancy is trying to remember herself here. She tries to include Barb and it backfires. And Steve tries, because Nancy tries, and he wants Nancy to stay. But he’s also done this thing where he’s dialed down the excitement. His cool guy façade is back. He’s showing off and they’re teasing each other. We get to have our first glimpse of fearless Nancy and she looks so pleased with herself.

There is a task and she is going to prove she can do it.

The thing is, circling back to the chaperone who doesn’t want to be there is that… well, Barb doesn’t want to be there. She’s annoyed at Nancy. Annoyed at the whole situation, really. Steve directs her to the bathroom when she hurts herself. We see a shot (through Jonathan’s camera) of Nancy staring back at the house. We see another shot of Steve, closer to the house, staring in the direction Barb went. Possibly a little out of actual concern. More likely, though, he’s worried that if Barb needs to leave, Nancy will go, too.

But then there’s Tommy and Carol, who distract them from what’s serious. They shift the mood.

And it’s time to bump up this count here. Physical Touch: 2

Really, I could count the stuff in the pool, but that was different.

This is Steve, reaching out to rub Nancy’s shoulder and ask if she’s all right. They’re smiling at each other and just adorable as heck in general and enamored with each other.

I said I wasn’t going to dig too much into the Barb stuff, but I have to. I’ll dig more into the results later, but for now, here’s where we’re at. Nancy wants to stay.

And this is a version of Nancy that Barb doesn’t recognize. I don’t know. There are a lot of layers to this. I know we’re meant to see this as Nancy acting in a way that’s out of her character here, because her best friend is telling her that this isn’t her. BUT. The things we know about Nancy now don’t line up with that interpretation.

This all brings me back to my point in the very brief introduction. How Jonathan and Nancy are meant to be the endgame couple right now. There is actually a parallel to this moment later this season that will point that out in more detail. Really, it can be explained away by growth in general. People grow and change and this may be out of Nancy’s character now but enough of her is recognizable here that I’m starting to talk in circles.

Let me get back on track. Nancy knows what she wants to do. She’s made up her mind. She tries to send Barb home, but Barb decides not to go, because she doesn’t want to abandon Nancy.

Physical touch: 3

I’m still not entirely sure where I’m going with the physical touch thing here, except it’s something Steve seems to do when he’s both offering and seeking comfort with Nancy. It may be as simple as that. And if that’s what we attribute it to, then I do think they’re both nervous here. Nancy is obviously more nervous. She’s gotten herself up here and it’s a big choice she’s making. But there’s also the Steve of it all, who has finally gotten Nancy Wheeler in his fucking bedroom and based on the way he looks at her, I’m not sure he was convinced he ever would.

And this is where I’ll come back to the other part of that point from my intro. They changed Steve. They made this a monumental moment for him, too, which is ultimately what throws a wrench into their plans for Jonathan. I mean, when she was supposed to be a notch in his belt, it would have worked. But instead, he’s soft with her. He’s worried about her feeling comfortable here, so he turns away when she asks. He turns back when she asks. He lets her set the pace and it means something when she wants to move forward.

1x3

Continuing right from the last moment, because the episode does, he checks in with her and she pushes things forward. The message here is hard to miss: Nancy abandoning her friend for Steve. They’re overlaying Barb’s death with Nancy and Steve having sex for the first time. The fucking shot of Steve gripping Nancy’s hand right next to the shot of Barb clinging to the pool ladder? Absolutely tragic.

They start forcing a disconnect between Steve and Nancy this episode. I don’t mean that in a way that it felt forced. I mean that they pile it on to make it feel worse. This was Nancy’s first time having sex and she’s justifiably feeling insecure afterward. Not only does Steve not wake up, but Barb is gone and Nancy has to walk home alone in the dark. (Season 4 Steve would never.) To top it all off, we know that Steve’s past hookups haven’t exactly been secret, so when she walks into school the next day, of course she’s going to be worried. But here’s where they put another wrench in their original plans. Steve cares that she knows that it mattered to him. He doesn’t ignore her. He comes up to say hi to her and then he picks up on her discomfort and immediately reassures her when she expresses her concerns to him. I had to make a gif for this moment, because like, come one. This isn’t the face of someone who doesn’t give a shit.

That is a relieved sigh that morphs into a fond look, because she believes him when he says he didn’t tell anyone.

For a minute, everything is okay. They’re both happy.

He kisses her in public and looks at her like this in public and it’s really just the sweetest. Nancy feels better. She’s happy. She doesn’t feel like a number.

Forgive me. I need a moment to mourn how cute and happy they are with their regular lives for a second. Not that everything would have been perfect for them if the Upside Down stuff didn’t happen and obviously they wouldn’t exist without the drama that happens the next four seasons, but damn. They’re cute and smitten and it’s all about to blow up.

Okay, I’m ready to move on.

During lunch, Nancy still hasn’t been able to find Barb and she goes to sit with Steve, Tommy, and Carol. There’s something really cute about how Steve leans into her almost as soon as she sits down next to him. And how Nancy leans into him. I’m actually really tempted to add this to the physical touch count, but it doesn’t quite meet the parameters I haven’t decided on yet.

Honestly, the other hilarious thing is that (and I know this is blocking for the cameras) Tommy and Carol, an established couple, aren’t sitting this close together when we see them through Steve and Nancy’s shoulders. And Steve and Nancy’s shoulders aren’t touching when we see the shots of Tommy and Carol, but as soon as it goes back to focus on Steve and Nancy, they’re leaning into each other again. It’s something weird that I can never unsee every time I see this scene.

Back to the whole thing. We have Steve here who is defending Nancy and telling Tommy to stop being an ass while also allowing his ego to be boosted when they’re making fun of her. Oh, but I will say this. Physical touch: 4. He goes for the reassuring thigh squeeze here, even if we can’t see it under the table. Trying to make sure she doesn’t worry about Barb. But Steve doesn’t know her the way Nancy does and Nancy knows something is wrong. You can actually see the disconnect here in real time, because they spent the entire scene glued at the shoulder

and as soon as he starts smirking over Carol and Tommy’s behavior

Nancy pulls back. Steve leans forward to eat while Nancy stays leaning back in her chair. It gives her a moment to have a long stare with Jonathan out in the hallway, of course.

Now, I’m not going to defend Steve’s behavior with Jonathan. Not exactly. It was a pretty bad reaction to have. But. Okay, fine, I guess I’m going to defend it a little bit. I do think we’re getting a glimpse of Steve as he was originally intended here. This is very much ‘bully’ behavior. However, we have some more context, which is that Steve knows Nancy is nervous people are going to judge her and Jonathan has a picture of her taking her shirt off. Not only did he take the picture, he’s fucking developing it on school property. I know the pictures are an important plot device, but dude. That’s a little fucked up.

Anyway, here’s this guy who took pictures of the girl Steve likes without her consent. The way he handled it? Yeah. Rough. Admittedly a little excessive. But the motives? I think those were ultimately good. ALSO. Okay, listen. Not that I think Steve needs defending, but he doesn’t even look like he feels good about it. The others (minus Nancy, of course) clearly enjoyed it. Steve just goes kind of blank. If this were Steve meta, I’d point out that he does this a couple other times this season – goes blank when he’s going into King Steve mode. All I’m really saying is, we know now that King Steve was an act, but there were signs and this is one of them.

We’re also at Physical Touch: 5 here. Nancy jogs down to his side and he slides his hand across her shoulders to walk back into the school with her. Again, using physical touch as an attempt at comfort. But this has still furthered their disconnect.

Nancy is worried about Barb and she doesn’t know what to do, but she does know that she can’t sit here and pretend things are normal. Steve either knows she’s distressed or needs comfort himself, because we have Physical Touch: 6.

It’s just this casual little touch and she leaves right after. Steve knows she’s lying. She’s not doing a great job at hiding it. But Tommy actually hits the nail on the head, unfortunately. “Maybe she freaked out when you went all psycho on the psycho.” And Steve says, “Oh, give me a break,” but he knows something is off and he knows part of it is something he did.

1x4 & 1x5

It’s interesting that Nancy gives Steve a chance here. She goes to him and tells him what she saw at his house, but they’re not communicating properly. He isn’t listening to her and she isn’t hearing anything like what she needs to from him. Nancy know something bad happened to Barb, but he can’t see past what his dad’s reaction is going to be to finding out about the party. Nancy leaves disappointed and finds a willing partner in Jonathan.

But it also does need to be pointed out that Jonathan isn’t doing this for Nancy. He’s doing it to find Will, which is still admirable. It’s what Nancy needs right now, anyway. Someone who is going to listen to her when everyone else is dismissing her. The point is, he has his own motives. They just happen to line up with hers for now. (And doesn’t that just describe their entire situation???)

So, yes. Jonathan is filling a void that Steve leaves open. But good news for Steve fans. When he fucks up, he knows he fucks up. He shows up to apologize and he says so many of the right things. He admits that he was a dick. He asks about Barb. But then he says the wrong thing. “Just kinda pretend everything’s normal for a few hours.”

Here’s a moment I’m going to take a wild leap into speculation. We don’t know what Steve’s home life is like, but the few things we’ve heard imply that it isn’t great. We know he’s a hopeless romantic. It seems very likely that he would have an idealized version of “normal” in his head, which I get the feeling is something he’s chasing. Someone who loves him, who he loves, who he can be vulnerable with, who will depend on him. Probably something a little bit like a romantic comedy where they walk off into the sunset together in the end.

It really can’t be an accident that we hear Steve talk about pretending things are normal shortly before we hear Nancy give her opinion on it.

Nancy: I don’t think my parents ever loved each other. Jonathan: They must’ve married for some reason. Nancy: My mom was young. My dad was older, but he had a cushy job, money, came from a good family. So, they bought a nice house at the end of the cul-de-sac and started their nuclear family. Jonathan: Screw that. Nancy: Yeah. Screw that.

And it isn’t so much her opinion on love and normalcy so much as her being kind of jaded by her parents’ relationship. It’s her talking about a normal life. What people expect to happen. And she’s seen normal. For her, normal isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. It’s a loveless marriage and losing yourself and she doesn’t want that.

I mean, if you really look at them, you can see that Nancy and Steve actually have a similar view of what normal is. Just different perspectives. Because it could be argued that Steve is in a similar situation. His parents could have a very similar story, but he still chases a very idealized version of “normal”. What his parents have, that’s not normal to him. It’s lacking.

But also, there’s this whole thing about Jonathan basically mirroring what Barb said to Nancy before she went upstairs with Steve.  I saw this girl, you know, trying to be someone else. Which should probably hit harder, considering Barb’s “this isn’t you” from that night. Okay, but can I also dive into the other totally wild thing about this? The pictures Jonathan took of her were in Steve’s window. Where she and Steve were alone.  It was like you were alone, or thought you were. And you know, you could just be yourself. I know they didn’t mean to imply that Nancy would be safe being vulnerable with Steve. That she would be safe letting him see the sides of her that she’s afraid to show other people. YOU KNOW. Kind of like the way that’s who she is for Steve?!

Anyway, back to the Jonathan thing. He gives her that excuse, which I do think hits for her, but she also calls him out for the picture thing. And then Jonathan gets offended and defensive, so they start arguing. He doesn’t hesitate to use the ammunition he has. Nancy Wheeler, she’s not just another suburban girl who thinks she’s rebelling by doing exactly what every other suburban girl does until that phase passes and they marry some boring one-time jock who now works sales, and they live out a perfectly boring little life at the end of a cul-de-sac. Exactly like their parents, who they thought were so depressing, but now, hey, they get it. The meaning behind this is not even a little subtle. “You’re doing the same thing as your mother,” is what he's saying. “You’re going to lose yourself in Steve the way she lost herself in your father.”

This is what hits hardest for Nancy. It’s what makes her doubt what she’s been doing.

1x6 & 1x7

Here comes some of the shared trauma. Or, it’s more trauma for Nancy, anyway. Not exactly shared at this point, when she was the one in the Upside Down being chased by that thing. It makes sense that Nancy wouldn’t want to be alone after this and of course, it’s the perfect setup for some miscommunication because Steve’s on his way to check on her and that is apparently out of character for him.

He says he could tell something was wrong with her and Carol’s response is, “So what? Like, you’re worried about her?” He tries to blow it off, but Tommy and Carol are dicks and they latch on to any signs of weakness. But the point is, he’s going out of his way and doing this thing he wouldn’t have done for any girl before her and he sees her in a compromising position and jumps to conclusions. We already know how he reacts to things like this after his whole scene with the camera earlier. But more on that later.

First, I’d like to talk about how Nancy is ready to jump right back in it. It’s something I love about her character. Trauma? That’s future Nancy’s problem.

Or, you know, present Nancy’s problem a little bit, because on top of everything else, there’s the sign. The sign hurts. We can see the tears in her eyes as she stares up at it. We can see her panic as she looks around at everyone who can see this. And then she hears the spray paint can and her entire face changes. Now, she’s fucking pissed and she’s not going to let them get away with doing this.

I also appreciate that she doesn’t do anything to disguise how hurt she is here. She walks up and she lets them see that she’s upset. And we see Steve and how mad he is, but he starts talking and it kind of falls apart. Yeah, he’s mad, but he’s also incredibly hurt. And lashing out in an incredibly passive way, actually. I actually think his behavior here is so interesting. Like, we’re watching him cling to some of the last pieces of this façade he’s built for himself, but he’s still so passive in this entire thing until Jonathan steps in. He didn’t stop Tommy from doing this. He’s arguing with Nancy, but he’s said his piece and he’s going to walk away. Then, Jonathan speaks and Steve flips. Nancy isn’t his target of choice. That is Jonathan. So he pushes and he pushes and he pushes until Jonathan snaps.

I actually hate the line from the woman at the police station. Only love makes you that crazy, sweetheart. She’s implying that Johnathan snapped in Nancy’s defense, and she doesn’t have the context, so how would she know otherwise? But we know what it was. It was Steve calling his family a bunch of screw-ups. A disgrace. So, yeah. It was love, but it was for his family. The same thing that has motivated all his other choices in this series.

Hell, we get almost immediate confirmation of this when Joyce comes to pick them up.

Joyce: You risked your life. And Nancy’s. Jonathan: I thought I could save Will.

And listen. I’m not knocking Jonathan for caring about Will more. I actually think that’s very cool and admirable, but he is reckless with her life for the sake of his family. Which, again. Cool. He cares about his family in a very intense way that I dig. But Nancy is not his priority. Not even now when they were still trying to sell them as an endgame ship.

And also, I can’t excuse Steve’s behavior, because it was shitty. But you know what? You look at him, sitting on his car and sulking and that is not the face of someone who won. Which, technically he did lose that fight, but Nancy’s been called out and he got to hit Jonathan a few times, plus Jonathan was arrested for their fight? I mean, that’s got to be a little bit of a win, right?

But no. None of that is what he cares about. I mean, talk about a drastic pivot. We have Jonathan in the police station admitting he is prioritizing his family and then we flip over to Steve who thinks he’s lost Nancy, but is still prioritizing her anyway. You never even liked her, because she’s not miserable like you two. She actually cares about other people. However long he’s been friends with Tommy and Carol and he’s throwing it away. He literally abandons them at this random convenience store to go clean up the mess he made.

1x8

While Steve’s been cleaning some shit up, Nancy and Jonathan have been busy. Hopper and Joyce are going into the Upside Down to try to find Will and Nancy wants to help. I wanna finish what we started. I want to kill it. And Jonathan is on board. He doesn’t want his mom to get hurt and the thing is, Nancy understands love through Acts of Service. We’re supposed to see Jonathan jumping on board with her plan here and appreciate it the way she does.

She and Jonathan prep. They set up their traps. They cut their hands, using their own blood as bait. And when they bandage up their hands, there is a charged moment. A moment that is interrupted by Steve. I don’t know about you, but to me, this says that Steve is always going to be in the way of their relationship.

And here’s the thing. Steve is here because he’s still trying to clean up his messes. It is important that he is here to apologize to Jonathan. He said some fucked up things and he knows it. He’s so desperate to apologize. She tries to send him away and he’s begging. No, no, no. Listen, I messed up, okay? I messed – I messed up. Okay? Really. Please. I just want to make things right. Honestly, he could have been mad or hurt that she’s here and it doesn’t even faze him.

But everything shifts for him when he sees that she’s hurt. His voice changes into a different kind of frantic and that’s when he forces himself in and gets to see what they’ve been up to. Nancy tries to force him out. I’m doing this for you. She doesn’t want to drag him into this, too. She doesn’t want anyone else to get hurt by this thing, but he gets dragged in anyway. Panicking, scared, he starts to run when Nancy tells him to run the next time.

Honestly, this kills me every time. Jonathan and Nancy stay inside to fight this thing that took people away from them and Steve is running. He’s fumbling with his keys and it takes him a second to get his door open and then he looks back at the house and the lights are flashing. I’m still baffled by people who say his redemption arc didn’t start until season two, because to me, it looks like it was well underway by this point. This entire season was the start of it or he wouldn’t have run back into the house even though he was terrified out of his mind. Just think about Tommy yelling, “Run away like you always do,” two episodes ago and then watch him run in, grab the nail bat, and push himself between this monster and Nancy and tell me he wasn’t already well on his way.

That’s the other thing. Everyone has a reason to be here. They have various ties to Will. Then there’s Nancy, who lost Barb to this thing and then got dragged in a little further because her brother is involved. Jonathan is here for Will. Steve is here for Nancy. Something that remains consistent through where we are in the present.

We don’t have much of an idea of what happened over the next month. How Nancy ended up back with Steve instead of with Jonathan. There are vague mentions in season two of how Nancy waited and Jonathan says it wasn’t long enough, but I’ll talk about them then. But we end this season with a relatively happy ending for Steve. Unfortunately for him, you can tell that there’s still something unfinished between Nancy and Jonathan and that Steve is blissfully unaware or willingly ignoring it.

The thing is, we’re watching her fall into the “normal” that she’s already stated she is afraid of. With the boring one-time jock and a house at the end of the cul-de-sac.

That, however, is actually a great segue into season two!

Season Two

2x1

Almost an entire year later, Steve and Nancy are still together and Nancy is desperately trying to be what is expected of her while desperately trying to push Steve out of the box he is supposed to fit in. They’re reviewing his college essay and he knows it’s crap and he’s so dejected over the whole thing, because he doesn’t even want to leave anyway. He’s doing this, because she wants it. He wants to do it because she wants him to. So much of what Steve is doing is for Nancy, not for himself.

This whole thing reads like a conversation they’ve had before.

Nancy: You don’t have to go. Just work on this. Steve: No, no, no. What’s the point? Nancy: Hey, calm down. Steve: I’m calm. I’m calm. I’m just being honest, you know. I mean… I’ll end up working for my dad anyway. Nancy: That’s not true.

It’s a source of insecurity for both of them, but for different reasons. The difference is, Steve can see some positives to it. If he stays, he could get all those adult things. You know, insurance and benefits and everything you need to buy a house at the end of a cul-de-sac. You can practically see that thought flashing through Nancy’s mind as he’s saying it.

For some reason, he also seems to be nervous about leaving her in general. I would say that it’s because he’s jealous of Jonathan, but I’m not so sure that’s it. Or, not entirely. He’s probably a little insecure about their friendship, but I think it’s more that he’s concerned that if he’s gone, if he’s not here, Nancy is going to lose interest. Steve is one hundred and ten percent all in for this relationship and there is no way he can’t sense that Nancy isn’t.

I do also have to bring something up here. Consider it a little teaser for when we get into season three stuff, but Nancy is actively suggesting that Jonathan might meet someone if he comes to the Halloween party with her and Steve. MORE ON THAT LATER. Because more importantly in this scene, they’re very cute and having a little normal teen moment.

She kisses him back, but pulls away first. There is tension here. Not from him, though. He’s got the dopiest smile but she stares wistfully after Jonathan before she tries to pull herself back into the moment.

Really, the entire first episode is just proof that Nancy hasn’t been doing anything to work toward moving on. She isn’t ready to and that is completely valid. But she’s been trying to pretend that everything is okay and it isn’t working. She isn’t even that good at hiding it. Steve can tell that the dinners with Barb’s parents are hard on her. He checks in with her on the porch and everything. They’re probably a source of stress for him, too, but he’s so much better at pretending than Nancy is.

2x2 – 2x3

Let’s start off episode two right with physical touch: 7. 

Again, it’s a comfort thing, right? This starts off as a general touch to get her attention, but his hand stays when he sees that she’s freaking out. Nancy, understandably, is holding onto a lot of trauma. Trauma that she associates with Steve. Steve, who is trying to fall back into some semblance of normal life and she’s followed, trying to make it work, but she resents him for how easy it is for him to do it. 

Steve does say something very interesting here. “This isn’t some game, Nance. If they found out that we told any–” He looks around, panicking a bit, and then closes the blinds. “They could put us in jail, okay? Or worse, they could destroy our families. They could do anything they want, okay?” We still don’t know what they were told at the end of season one, but it was clearly enough to scare him. Nancy is opening up to him here and it’s making him freak out a little because he doesn’t know what to do or how to stay within the parameters that the government (?) has set. He can’t do what she wants, so he suggests what works for him. What we know works for him from season one. Pretending to be a stupid teenager for a few hours. (Note physical touch: 8 in that hug.)

But this is what Nancy’s been doing for the last year. She’s tired of pretending, but god, does she commit. She commits so hard that Steve has to pretend too, because he’s so busy trying to stop Nancy from drinking too much that he can’t really be a stupid teenager himself.

And being drunk means Nancy can be more honest with him than she has been.

You’re – you’re pretending like – like everything is okay. You know like… like we didn’t – like we didn’t kill Barb. Like – like it’s great. Like… we’re in love and we’re partying. Yeah, let’s party, huh? We’re partying. This – this is bullshit.

And Steve’s hand is shaking as he cups her face here, because yeah, he knew she was struggling, but she’s still pulling the rug out from under him here. (Also, physical touch: 9 aka the last one.)

I love Steve a lot, which I hope is obvious by now, and I really want to believe that he wouldn’t just abandon her at a party, but like. Jonathan isn’t friends with Steve. Do you really think Jonathan would follow Steve out to ask if he’s okay when he sees him running out, clearly upset? Or would he go check on Nancy? Especially with the way Jonathan says it to Nancy when she asks about it later. There’s more than a hint of a lie there. There also still is a little bit of King Steve left. I don’t really think it’s an ego thing, except it kind of is. Nancy is breaking his heart. She’s making him cry at a party with witnesses and his reputation is already a disaster.

Steve also isn’t above being petty. He’s apparently been picking Nancy up for school for however long now and just doesn’t do it the next morning.

Nancy just has so much confidence when she says, “And then you took me home.” Even Nancy doesn’t believe he’d just leave her at a party. But Steve is pissed and they’re fighting and he does kind of deserve to be mad, because she’s been hiding all these feelings from him for how long? And I do really believe that he cares about the Barb thing. Obviously not to the extent that Nancy does, but he knows she died at his party and he sees how much it hurts Nancy every time they go see her parents.

This is a lot of me defending Steve here, but Nancy deserves some defense, too. “I’ve been trying so hard to pretend like everything’s fine, but it’s not,” she says to Jonathan in her next scene. For Nancy, pretending like everything was fine ended up meaning Steve and as we all know by now, Steve isn’t exactly dealing with his emotions. Repression is the name of his game. Retreating into comfort. Status quo. And Nancy let herself get swept up in that, because it was easy, but in the end, Nancy wants revenge and Jonathan does, too.

2x4 – 2x6

I don’t want to dive too much into the Jonathan of it all, except it is kind of unavoidable. It is important to note that he is getting some revenge out of this, too. It isn’t some purehearted notion that he can help Nancy. He isn’t blindly following along here. Will still has lingering aftereffects from his time in the Upside Down and again, he wants revenge on the people he blames for that.

Also, we are reaching their portion of the show. I will try to keep this as brief as possible.

It is strange to me that the people who are pushing Jonathan and Nancy together are adults. Flo with her comment about “love” being the only thing that makes you that crazy. This hotel lady who gives them a disbelieving look when they want two beds. Murray. But the people who are pushing Steve and Nancy together in season four are their peers? Dustin and Robin, primarily. Eddie. Steve himself. Even a little bit of Nancy.

Regardless, this is where we learn that Nancy waited for Jonathan to make a move after season one. That it took her a month to officially get together with Steve.

Jonathan: Will needed me. And Steve….. Nancy: I waited. Jonathan: Yeah, like only a month.

I mean, listen, Jonathan. What do you expect? For her to wait around for you forever? That’s just the least cool thing ever. It makes sense that his priority would be Will, but it puts everything into glaring contrast once again. Nancy is not going to be his top priority. Ever.

And then we meet Murray. This, of course, lines up with us seeing Steve go to Nancy’s house with flowers, ready to apologize. Even though he thinks Nancy might not love him the way he loves her, he’s willing to try anyway.

I’m going to veer wildly off-topic for a second, although maybe it’s not as off-topic as I think. There is a reason that she is his top priority and that’s because his character was essentially built as an accessory to Nancy. Of course, there are other things that we know about him, like his parents suck and Nancy made him feel seen in a way he wasn’t before. So, even taking into account the fact that he wasn’t much of a character outside of her prior to this season, there are reasons for that, too. It’s a very normal teen thing to go through, I think. Hell, it’s an adult problem, too. Defining yourself based off what you think you need to be for someone else. Which is where I come around to saying that I think their separation over the next two seasons was very important and ultimately a good thing for him and his character. For both of them, actually.

Anyway, back to Murray, who says a lot of things Nancy takes to heart. There is one I think hits the hardest for her, and it’s not actually the “we like Steve, but we don’t love Steve” moment. It’s this:

You’re being naïve, Nancy! Those people… they’re not wired like you and me, okay? They don’t spend their lives trying to get a look at what’s behind the curtain. They like the curtain. It provides them stability. Comfort. Definition.

Murray does also pull out this gem:

You’re harder to read. Probably, like everyone, afraid of what would happen if you accepted yourself for who you really are and retreated back to the safety of… name? Name?

All of it is just piling onto the rest of her insecurities about Steve, who is tempted to take the easy way out and work for his dad so he can have insurance and benefits and head down that road leading toward a loveless marriage. Steve, who is trying so damn hard to pretend like everything is normal. Trying so damn hard to get her to feel that way and is accidentally dismissing her grief by doing so. That is what is so painful about their whole extended breakup this season. Neither of them are doing these things on purpose.

2x8 – 2x9

Okay, let’s just move on. And I know, I skipped over Steve and Dustin’s little chat. It’s pretty self-explanatory. Plus, we’ve just got so much to unpack with these next two episodes.

Everyone regroups. There’s something cinematically beautiful about the way this happens. Steve is off with the kids and he hears a noise, turns toward it, starts to run toward it. But it’s Steve who notices it. And who notices a noise on the other end? Nancy.

Like, I know it seems sort of dorky to focus on shots like these, but they don’t usually do stuff like this by mistake.

Nancy also shifts between Steve and Jonathan a lot during these scenes. Like, she can’t decide where she’s going. She’s near Steve when they’re all arguing before the gate opens and she’s near him again when they’re all trying to get it open. Once they get back to the Byers house, she’s comforting Jonathan and Steve walks off, with the same sniffle/nose swipe he does at the party when he walks away from her, by the way. And then it’s her and Steve putting up the tarps and boarding things up and her and Steve together for the morse code scene and her and Steve on the front lines of the fight and her and Steve looking for space heaters in the back yard.

I could talk about the narrative meaning behind them boarding up the shack together, but that’s been talked to death already. The symbolism is so obvious. What I haven’t seen discussed is that while she’s complimenting him on how he took care of things while she and Jonathan were off doing their thing, he’s the one with the staple gun. Nancy’s got the duct tape and is helping him, but Steve is the one doing the work. Which, you know, Steve is also the one doing all the work with this breakup.

It's him who tells her to go with Jonathan. He recognizes that there is nothing salvageable here. He sees where she really wants to be and wishes he could have been there for her in the way Jonathan was, but knows he wasn’t brave enough to help her the way she wanted and she wasn’t brave enough to actually ask for that help. Their relationship was essentially over when he walked away from her in the alley, but here he makes sure she knows, in no uncertain terms, that it is over and it is okay that it’s over.

Steve also has a harder time looking at her here, which is so interesting, because she can’t take her eyes off of him. Steve tells her that she should be with Jonathan, the way that Murray and Flo and that motel lady told her there was something there. And none of it has felt good for her. This final nail in the coffin is not a relief. The long shot on her staring after him is not a happy one.

I mean, they literally left the space Steve was standing in empty. They didn’t do a zoom on her face. They panned out to show how empty that spot beside her was.

Everything I’m saying here boils down to this, I guess. Everyone’s been telling Nancy she isn’t in love with Steve and honestly, I don’t know whether or not I even think she was. What I usually end up landing on is that she wants to be in love with Steve. He says he was a pretty shitty boyfriend, but the few things we see of them early this season do not paint it in that light. Not exactly. Overall, he cared about her a lot and he tried to support her, even if it wasn’t in the way she wanted, and I think she knows that. Their relationship wasn’t bad. It just wasn’t enough for her right now. And here Steve is absolving her of all of that. He couldn’t help her shoulder the responsibility of Barb’s death, so he takes on the responsibility of ending their relationship when he knows she wants something else and that… is just so heartbreaking. For Nancy, as well as Steve. (Also, Steve isn’t with Nancy anymore but he goes with her to Barb’s funeral. He arguably has no reason to go, but he does, because it’s right.)

I had to come back up here to add that while Nancy is staring sadly after Steve, we have a bit of voiceover with Mike’s lines from the next scene. Just be careful, okay? I can’t lose you again. I don’t have a lot to say about this now, but I think I mentioned this before somewhere. Editing choices like this are on purpose.

So, Steve watches the girl he loves drive off with the guy she can actually love right now and he stays behind to babysit. He stays behind to protect the kids, because that’s what he told Nancy he would do. He tries to fight Billy to protect Lucas and Max. He lets the kids drag him down into a nightmare pit and he does protect them. He saves Mike when the vines grab him. He pushes the kids out of the hole ahead of him and puts himself in front of Dustin when the demodogs are charging.

And what I’m about to say is possibly an unfair characterization of Nancy here, but she has almost been turned into an accessory of Jonathan’s in this last fight. She isn’t in charge. She doesn’t really contribute. She’s here for comfort. Which is fine, but it’s not very Nancy. At least, not the Nancy we know now. Nancy takes charge. She takes action. And this isn’t really her fight and you can sort of feel that through the entire scene.

The final part of this season has also been talked to death. Steve taking Dustin to the dance, helping him get ready, giving him a pep talk, and then Nancy taking care of Dustin at the dance. This is also one of the scenes that really convinces me they’ve shifted to endgame Steve/Nancy at this point. Because Dustin goes into the dance and he stares longingly at Max and Lucas while they dance right after Steve stares longingly at Nancy who he knows is with someone. It’s hard to ignore that parallel, even if Dustin does later move on while Steve doesn’t. Anyway, Steve and Nancy aren’t together anymore, but they’re still working on the same side to take care of Dustin and that is not a coincidence. Apart, their priorities are starting to align, even if neither of them are aware of it.  

Season Three

We’re really in it now. Honestly, for as little of it as we got, I love the Steve and Nancy content from this season. The fucking parallels of the way they’re living their lives without each other is unreal. I think this will be a short section, but who fucking knows with me.

We start off with a great parallel. Nancy is working her summer job at the newspaper and it is not going as planned. And also, we want to talk about shitty boyfriends?

Nancy: They don’t actually like me or respect me as a living, breathing human with a brain. Jonathan: Wait, you just – you just gotta be patient, okay? They’re set in their ways, you know? But once they realize what a gifted writer you are, they’ll come around.

First of all. This is literally the same behavior we had from Steve in the beginning of season one. But it’s on purpose. Jonathan is actively trying to sweep her problems with this job under the rug. Second. Man, I don’t know if I really want to get into this. I don’t really want to bash on their relationship, because it’s fine, but their communication is pretty broken down, too. Once again, Nancy has a boyfriend who is advocating for the status quo. Advocating patience. Nancy has been tired of patience for a while now. She is tired of pretending everything is fine.

So, yeah, Nancy? Not happy at her job. Swipe over to Steve who is, surprise, also not happy with his job. His life is not going as planned. Girls don’t find him attractive right now (their loss). He didn’t get into college and his dad wouldn’t hire him as a punishment.

Robin: Have you considered telling the truth? Steve: Oh, you mean that I couldn’t even get into Tech and my douchebag dad’s trying to teach me a lesson? I make three bucks an hour and I have no future? That truth?

He looks genuinely upset. This is worse than he was afraid of last year. He doesn’t have anything he did at this point last year. Not even an ounce of it, and yet, he still approaches everything with this next-level confidence no matter how miserable he is. But this is another on purpose narrative parallel. Steve and Nancy are both not good. Jonathan is.

Even though I’m kind of skimming this season, I’m going to put it into unlabeled sections or I’m going to lose my mind over the formatting.

That doesn’t matter. What does matter is that Jonathan and Nancy are fighting, because they got fired over something she started. He didn’t even try to defend them. Nancy did. And now he’s pissed, because he lost his job. Which I do get (I grew up in a similar financial situation). But there’s this thing about him where he knows how to hit her where it hurts.

I don’t live in a two-story house on Maple Street. My dad doesn’t earn six figures. Hell, he isn’t even around. … Mortgage, college tuition, you know, those are real things, Nancy. Things that you don’t care about only because you don’t have to. … You want everything handed to you on a silver platter. I mean, we were interns, Nancy! Interns! What did you expect? That you would make star reporter in a month? Crack the big case?

This is so much like the argument they had in season one where he called her out about the cul-de-sac and boring one-time jock and it all boils down to what Nancy says here. I guess we just don’t understand each other anymore. And she’s right. It’s true. They understand each other when there is a cause they both want to fight, but when it comes to normal life, there is a disconnect that they can’t seem to get past.

There’s something about how Jonathon didn’t think in season one. He says that to Joyce when she mentions that he endangered himself and Nancy. And then here, Nancy is talking to her mom, and says almost exactly the same thing. To be honest, I wasn’t thinking about him. I wasn’t thinking about anyone really. It’s this great bonding moment for Nancy and her mom, because we can hear Karen confirming (not explicitly) the things Nancy said about her in season one. How she obviously wanted more for herself. And she sees Nancy who wants things for herself and she encourages her not to stop, because she doesn’t want to see Nancy fall into the same thing she did. Nancy’s mom believes in her so much.

Honestly, there’s a super interesting comparison here between Jonathan and Nancy’s story and Dustin and Steve’s story. Steve hesitated in seasons one and two. Ultimately, he followed through, but he hesitated at first. Here, in season three, he willingly dives back in. And then there’s Jonathan who dove right in with Nancy in the first two seasons and now that his family isn’t in trouble, now that there isn’t anything in it for him, he is hesitating.

Of course, that all changes once Nancy says she thinks Will might be in danger. All of a sudden, Jonathan’s back in it.

LISTEN. I’m so excited about this connection I made in my notes.

2x8, Jonathan to Will: Sorry I wasn’t there. I should have been here. 3x5, Will to Jonathan: You weren’t there?! And his response: Well, I’m here now, aren’t I? With Nancy’s addition of: Hallelujah. 4x9, Jonathan to Nancy: I’m sorry I wasn’t here. And Nancy’s response: To be honest, I’m kind of glad you weren’t.

LIKE. LOOK. It’s just a thing about recurring themes and who always shows up, isn’t it?

Can I just drop this here and then go off about it later? I think I have to. This is now a teaser.

There is a bright side for Jonathan, which is his apology. Except for the fact that in the next episode, he’s already kind of backed off from it and is doubting her again.

Okay, I want to talk about Steve again. Steve’s redemption arc obviously started in season one, but we’re really seeing the culmination of his character arc over the last three seasons fall into place during his conversation with Robin. It is ridiculously self-aware in a way that I’m not sure people realize Steve is. But you can’t move on from the past behavior he moved on from without being self-aware. Anyway, I love this moment from him.

Robin: You were a real asshole, you know that? Steve: Yeah, I know. Robin: But it didn’t even matter. It didn’t matter that you were an ass. I was still… obsessed with you. Even though all of us losers pretend to be above it all, we still just wanna be popular. Accepted. Normal. Steve: If it makes you feel any better, having those things isn’t all that great. Seriously. It just baffles me. Everything that people tell you is important, everything that people say you should care about, it’s all just… bullshit.

This, on top of another line from this scene: Maybe instead of being here, I’d be on my way to college right now. It’s all coming down to Nancy. The first hint is bullshit, obviously. That’s pretty much Nancy’s catchphrase at this point. She called him out during their bathroom fight for being bullshit. It’s something that has probably informed a lot of his growth over the last year of his life. But the second hint is the mention of college. He’s still thinking about the things Nancy tried to make him believe he could have in life, but the difference is, he actually seems to want them for his own reasons now.

And I’m about to say something. I don’t know the fandom’s opinion on this, because I’m not super keyed into the fandom for this show, but like. Okay. We all know Steve was lying when he says he’s not in love with Nancy anymore, right? Robin hasn’t metabolized the truth serum or whatever yet, or she has and she just has no filter, but Steve is 1000% lying. And like, one could argue that he’s convinced himself of this, but shit. It’s proven to be a lie almost immediately.

He’s going on here about how he’s found someone a little better for him and we are kind of taught here that when it comes to meaningful relationships, Steve has a type. Super smart. Maybe a little shy, but actually super confident and sure of themselves and what they want. Robin and Nancy are actually pretty similar when it comes down to the list of bullet points about their personalities. And he’s trying really hard to replace Nancy and it might have worked if Robin were into guys, but she isn’t.

Which leads me to my favorite Steve moment ever that isn’t related to Nancy. This pivot here? Fucking masterful. She is vulnerable and admits something very scary to him and it just does not bother him even a little. He is so supportive. I just love him.

Finally, let’s talk about when Steve and Nancy finally see each other again. I feel like this has to be his least ideal way of seeing her again. In this little sailor outfit that he has to wear for his job after he got beat up. The amazing thing here is that Nancy runs right up to him to check on him. And the best part, the most promising part, is that she’s jealous of Robin.

I’m sorry. Who are you?!

And poor Steve over here is just staring at her. Blatantly staring.

Does anyone really want to tell me he still doesn’t have feelings for her after that look? And vice versa. Honestly, it’s the way she just immediately doesn’t like Robin for me. Nancy looking from Robin over to Steve like she’s looking for some kind of hint as to what he was thinking when he pulled her into his.

Okay, really, I just love so much about this finale. It’s wild how good it is.

Once they’re split up, it’s Steve (again) who notices that something is wrong before anyone else. That shot of him staring off into the distance just like last season, looking in Nancy’s direction and knowing that something isn’t right down there.

And then when they hear the noises on the walkie, he throws himself up and starts sprinting for the car. It’s so good.

NOT TO MENTION. Nancy being a fucking badass and putting herself between everyone and Billy’s car and then Steve smashing in at the last possible second to save her. It’s just. IT’S SO GOOD. The way he doesn’t even hesitate to crash his car into Billy’s is so good. (Remember that whole thing about who is always there?) It doesn’t feel like there’s much to elaborate on with all this, except you remember how I said the thing up above about Jonathan hesitating this season until his family is involved and Steve not doing that? Well, here’s Steve not hesitating.

Season Four

This section is long. Take a break here if you have to.

4x1 – 4x3

Here we are! Season four! Now, I’ve always loved Steve and Nancy together and it’s always felt clear that there was some unfinished business there, but I didn’t expect what we got in this season. Not even a little.

By the end of the first episode, we know where Steve and Nancy’s love lives are.

I’m going to talk about Nancy’s first, because there’s obviously some Jonathan talk. I actually really liked the way that this scene was set up. It weirdly shows that they’re on the same page about where their relationship is. They’re both a bit in denial about how things are going. They defend each other and their relationship while giving no real reason why they’re not going to see each other over the break. Jonathan’s mom works and he has to watch his brother and Jonathan wants to be there for his acceptance letter, all in her lying voice. The voice that kind of cracks and goes up an octave at the end of her sentences. And Jonathan saying that Nancy works over breaks, because that’s the kind of dedicated person she is. When really, the only thing being communicated loud and clear here is this: if they wanted to see each other, they could have.

With that out of the way, let’s take a look at where Steve is sitting. He’s over here saying things like, “Do I really want to start another relationship that has no point other than sex?” The answer: no. And things like, “I really dig this girl. I mean, I think that she could – who knows, maybe she could be the one.” Is she the one, Steve? Is she? Are you on the same page? Because she thinks Tammy Thompson is a good singer. I mean, I know and we know that he’s just saying that to Dustin. He doesn’t really believe it. There’s no conviction behind the words.

Hell, he admits in the next episode that he’s as hopeless as Robin. But you know, there’s this thing he’s doing while Robin is monologuing here. Especially this portion. “I know exactly what I want and I’ve found the girl of my dreams, but I just can’t get the courage to ask her out. Meanwhile, you go on like, a million dates and you have no idea what you want.” He’s staring off into the distance and thinking about something the whole time Robin is talking about that. Now, I don’t want to say he was thinking about Nancy here, except… I mean, listen. Veering into later episode conversations for a moment, it isn’t much of a stretch to assume that he does know what he wants. He’s just not saying it out loud, because there’s no point.

Meanwhile, we have Nancy reliving her trauma through Chrissy’s death. Pushing her back into action, because she knows it’s something more. This being here gives me a little hope that we might have a conversation between Steve and Nancy next season closing the loop on Nancy’s trauma and her subsequent resentment of their relationship.

But I’m getting off track again. The important things to bring up for Nancy in episode two is that once again, it is being highlighted that Jonathan isn’t here and she is annoyed about that. But in doing so, we also have to talk about how Jonathan is unloading all his worries onto Argyle. How he admits that Nancy’s dream for their future isn’t his and he’s been lying to her. He doesn’t want to go to Emerson. All he can see right now is the end of their relationship, whether it’s now or a more miserable years down the road.

Which, like, if you take into account later episodes once again… and you think about Robin telling Steve that he doesn’t know what he wants when we know for a fact that he does…. You see what I’m getting at?

Anyway, let’s circle back to how Nancy is annoyed that Jonathan isn’t here. How she just admitted this to Fred half a day ago and she is left alone, being questioned by cops who have never taken her seriously, she’s hugging her stomach and kind of hunched over and she just looks terrified.

But then, she sees Steve’s car pull up and everything shifts. There is visible relief. She is so taken aback.

The cops are still trying to talk to her, but she’s not looking at them. She’s not even listening to them. Their voices literally fade into the background. She’s laser-focused on Steve and the fact that he is there. She gives him a little wave. He gives her a little wave back.

And then she smiles.

Because he showed up. Steve didn’t even know that she needed support and he’s miraculously there.

There was so much focus the first two episodes about how Jonathan wasn’t there and how much that bothered her and the first thing that happens in episode three is Steve showing up when Nancy is in distress. And it keeps getting better!

First of all, we’ve got Steve who is staring at Nancy, which is why he notices that she’s splitting off from the group.

Which leads to his subsequent panic. “No, it’s too dangerous. You need… you need someone to….” Steve can’t really get the words out and I love the way Nancy looks at him here while she’s waiting for him to say what he thinks she needs.

Like, she doesn’t interrupt him. She doesn’t fire back or anything. Because, you know, I feel like a lot of people would expect her to deny help before he can offer it. But we already know that Nancy doesn’t want to be alone, because she’s said she doesn’t want to be alone. Remember? She’s annoyed that Jonathan isn’t here. And here’s Steve offering himself and his help without needing to ask.

Second of all, we have this look at Robin when she interjects and says she’ll go with Nancy.

We already know from the end of last season that Nancy isn’t Robin’s biggest fan. Of all people to tag along, she’s Nancy’s last choice. And then Robin’s giving him shit. “Unless you think we need you to protect us.” And he doesn’t have anything he can say to that. But he wanted to go with Nancy. So bad. And you know Robin knows it. I mean, look at that face.

He couldn’t say he wanted to go with Nancy to protect her, because he knows Nancy doesn’t need protection, but Robin knew what he wanted to say and she can one-hundred percent give him shit for it.

But you know, let’s circle back to Nancy and how she didn’t really say anything when Steve was saying he wanted to help. And her little smile and her shrug.

It looks a little like a “you tried” or “thanks anyway”. And we’re left with poor Steve gawking.

Pretty public, indeed.

Third, we have Dustin straight up calling Steve out about his feelings. You know, in case we missed any of the other hints so far.

And fourth. Finally. We have more jealousy from Nancy. Anyone who was caught off guard by this didn’t pay attention in 3x8, because this isn’t a new development. And really, hold on, I guess this means I get to talk about Robin a little more. Who obviously isn’t stupid. Like, last season, we have Steve telling her that he isn’t in love with Nancy anymore, but he hasn’t been able to commit to anyone since. See her ridiculous smile above again. And now, we have Nancy, saying, “You’re obviously bored, so why don’t you call Steve?”

You can practically see the lightbulb going off in her head. Especially coupled with Nancy’s eye roll that I didn’t notice until I was picking these scenes apart because the camera cuts away in the middle of it?

So, Robin, having her friends’ best interests in mind, practically falls down the stairs to reassure Nancy that she and Steve are totally not a thing.  

I think you’re supposed to look less interested in this information, Nancy. Funny how immediately after this, Nancy is a heck of a lot nicer to Robin. I wonder why.

4x4 – 4x6

I’d like to start this portion of season four by saying that someone should really talk to Steve about how to look at your ex-girlfriend.

Or not. I mean, this is the right way to look at someone, really.

Once again, it’s being pointed out that Steve is here. That seems to be the theme this season. Not only that he’s here, but that he’s eager to throw himself into danger beside her now. To help. Nancy isn’t planning to take him with her, again, and Steve is following her around the house because he wants to go. He’s over here saying things like, “Why does it always have to be me? It’s like–“

What is it like, Steve?

And like, “I can’t do anything here, Nance!”

God, he wants to help so bad.

We also have Robin here to helpfully point out that Nancy still has a Tom Cruise poster in her room. In front of Nancy’s ex-boyfriend who once pointed out that his friends say he looks like her lover boy from Risky Business. Subtlety, party of zero.

The real thing I want to talk about here is how there’s a very interesting mix of comfort and tension. Nancy and Steve argue like they know each other so well, which they kind of do, but there’s something heavier here. Steve not wanting Nancy to run off into potential danger without him, because he wants to be there to know she’s okay. Right? Like I said. There’s no subtlety to any of this.

Honestly, this all reminds me again of how Nancy is the first person who took Steve seriously. I mean, sure, that’s something I’m kind of inferring from that wiki entry about their relationship, but it seems valid. How she listened to him in a way no one else did and it made him feel seen and heard and he’s trying to communicate with her here that he doesn’t want to be left behind, because of that.

Next episode, we find them all sleeping in the Wheeler’s basement. And positioning, my friends. It is so important. Steve is passed out in that chair and when Nancy wakes up, sitting up, she’s on the floor right in front of said chair? Yeah. That happened. How and why? We’ll never know for sure. But there’s a whole thing I could say about gravitating toward each other as a source of comfort. Or more specifically Nancy possibly gravitating toward Steve as a source of comfort because he’s there and helping.

But the real important thing this episode is Steve and Nancy breaking down those barriers, right? Another thing that I know has been discussed to death, but we can’t have a Steve and Nancy essay without this point, can we? They end season two boarding up a building together. Symbolically closing off communication between the two of them, because they were not on the same page then. Or, they were, but it was too late.

And this season, after over a year of growing separately, they are officially on the same page and reopening lines of communication and vulnerability with each other. Not only that, but during this whole conversation, they’re nonverbally checking in with each other the entire time. Everyone is participating in this conversation, but they’re looking at each other.

Hell, even a verbal check-in before they open the door.

I mean, talking about a lack of subtlety. But Steve asking “ready?” before they let the plank of wood fall down is fucking wild, honestly.

I’m going to talk about Robin being involved with a significant portion of Steve and Nancy’s major moments near the end of this. Just, that’s another teaser for you. But it’s a thing and it’s big.

How about this cobwebs scene, huh? I feel like I should just make a collage of Nancy’s faces here. It’s just… I hear a lot of talk about how devastatingly fond Steve looks all the time when he’s looking at her, but this is just ridiculous.

The soft little smiles when he can’t see her. Like, maybe it’s just me, but how do you smile like this when you’re picking cobwebs out of someone’s hair?

And what is with this direct, prolonged eye contact from both of them??? Steve???

The way Nancy goes from smiles

to just sad?

And then he says his little thing that he wants to make him sound smart and he just completely butchers it and Nancy is back to smiles again?

Honestly, her face is a journey here and it’s really better shown via mediocre gifs, so have these.

So, now that I’ve gushed over the faces in this scene, maybe I should try talking about it in a little more clarity. I’m not sure I can, though. They’re just so cute. Steve opening the door and being like, hey we should hang out again. You know, with people. Because that’s safer, right? It’s a safe way for him to say he misses having her around without having to actually say it. Nancy’s picking up what he’s putting down and she’s charmed. Honestly, I’d love to have some more information about how things went when they were first getting together. Or however they got together after season one. Because he’s rambling. It’s cute. Nancy thinks it’s cute.

But then they’re looking at each other again and making that incredibly direct eye contact and the gravity of the situation hits her. And by the situation, I mean the fact that both of them could step away, could separate, and they just don’t. They stay in each other’s space and they look at each other and Steve tries to say something smart and ends up fucking it up, but it’s still cute and y’all it’s those feelings that are bubbling back up whether she wants it to or not.

And in the next episode, we finally have Steve and Nancy standing directly next to each other almost every time they’re in a scene together. Before this, they’ve been separated by the group, tending to be across from each other more often than side by side. But until they split up again in season nine, they’re placed next to each other a majority of the time.

That’s just a little aside, though. The real content here is Robin wishing happiness for her friends.

If I’m permitted to see a silver lining in any of this end-of-the-world doom and gloom, it would be the rekindling of some old flames that frankly never should have been snuffed out. I didn’t mean that as a hint or anything. … But if I did mean it as a hint, would that be so terrible? For me to wish happiness for my friends?

Before I move onto Nancy’s entire monologue, can I just point out the absolute panic from our beloved Nance in the middle of this whole thing from Robin?

It’s honestly very reminiscent of the conversation with Murray in season two, where he’s telling her the whole “we like Steve but we don’t love him” thing and she gets very defensive. She didn’t know then if she was making the right choice and the past couple days for her, it’s really been driven home that she still doesn’t know if she made the right choice.

And then we have Nancy’s not even a little concealed “uh oh I’m about to vent all over this poor person” here.

I could tear apart this monologue from her. It’s a really good one, though… is it a monologue if it’s one sentence that lasts an incredibly long time? That doesn’t matter. Nancy is finally admitting to someone, to Robin, that she doesn’t know if she’s happy. That things with Jonathan are not good. That she has been feeling their relationship crumble for a while and she can’t get ahold of him to find out if it’s just the distance or if they’ve genuinely grown apart. While yes, this is huge for the Steve and Nancy of it all, it’s also just huge for Nancy in general. The poor girl hasn’t had a real close friend since Barb died and Robin is barely implying the hey you can talk to me and Nancy takes full advantage immediately.

Obviously the final thing we have to talk about in this chunk of episodes is the boat. Very proud of Steve who will not be left behind again just jumping into that boat, because he is going to be there, damn it.

But also, personal space? Steve and Nancy don’t know her.

I mean, Eddie and Robin are doing their part, sitting on the bench like normal people. Meanwhile, Nancy is over here with her knee as close as it can be to Steve’s without actually making contact.

You know, it’s absolutely bonkers how this is panning out. Nancy went to Steve in season one about Barb first, right? She saw the, at that point in time, unknown creature behind his house and she went to him first. He dismissed the whole thing because he was more focused on how it affected him than on the greater issue at hand. And here we are, a couple years in the future, and he’s right next to her, ready to dive into potential danger the way she wanted in the first place. Of course, we can’t talk about all that without talking about how worried she is when she realizes what he’s doing.

And what’s his response to this? It’s gotta be me. No complaints, all right?

And Nancy. Girl. I mean, no one can blame her, but she’s out here ogling Steve. In front of EVERYONE.

It’s pretty fucking public. And Robin is delighted to clock this.

Again, I think I mentioned this as a teaser already, but I’m going to re-tease it. Robin is so important to Steve/Nancy this season. Like, it’s ridiculous.

Nancy doesn’t even give a shit that it’s public. She’s not paying any attention to Robin or Eddie. These two dorks can’t keep it together for one second.  She tells him to be careful and he gives her that quiet little nod.

They have zero chill about each other. Honestly, it’s just like… that whole thing I already said where his character development has taken him to this place where he’s pretty much exactly what Nancy wanted from a partner originally. Do people really think that’s an accident?

Anyway, she continues to have zero chill the entire time he’s underwater.

And again when he resurfaces, she’s just got to smile like that?!

But yeah, here we get our moment with zero hesitation. Where Steve is yanked back under the water and Nancy is the one to get it together first and dive right in. Steve will probably say that she’d do it for anyone and would she? Yeah. That’s who Nancy is. But they didn’t show us her diving into danger for anyone. They showed her diving into danger to save Steve for reasons.

4x7

I’m trying to decide how to talk about the post-demobat fight scene, because there’s a lot to it. I could make a joke about how Nancy was looking for any excuse to touch Steve, because. I mean.

Which, sure. That’s a little bit of it, isn’t it? But also, she’s worried about him. They’re not minor wounds, by any means.

Nancy has to make sure that he’s not about to die on her. And of course, he makes a stupid joke saying that he’s never been better.

But like, really, what this is about is Nancy’s relief and their connection. She does that thing again when he makes that joke, when she sees that he’s (mostly) okay. The same thing she did in episode three when she saw him pull up and her entire body sags with relief.

It’s giving me “I’m doing this for you” and [Steve runs back into a house he knows a dangerous monster is in] in a weird way. Don’t ask me to elaborate. I’ve been elaborating for such a long time. 

Also, do you mind if I briefly die over the fact that Steve is incredibly injured and still he puts himself in front of everyone when the next wave of bats shows up?

Anyway. Nancy is the one they have immediately run to his side there. And when they’re hiding under Upside Down Skull Rock and he stumbles, she’s the one who runs to his side again. Well, she was already there, because she’s so keyed into how he’s doing here.

Continuing her trend of not hesitating, Nancy doesn’t hesitate to rip off part of her shirt to bandage up Steve’s wounds here. I also need to make sure you all know that she asks him if the bandage is too tight, which is a direct and on purpose parallel to season one where she’s sort of dating Steve and bandaging up Jonathan’s hand and she asks him if it’s too tight. Like. Girl. How do you feel about this narrative you’re in?

It makes sense that it’s a parallel, because she and Jonathan were pretty close to kissing there when Jonathan interrupted and there should technically be something interrupting these two now, but their audience isn’t paying attention to them, which means that no one is really noticing how… uh… flirtatious and sexual this scene is except for these two. I mean. These two definitely notice.

Like, she tightens the bandage and I’m pretty sure she tucks the ends of it into his pants for him while he’s up there running his hands through his hair in what is arguably the most attractive first aid scene ever on television.

The tension here? Unparalleled. And what does he do when he’s looking at her like this?

He fucking thanks her. And Nancy’s sent through a whole face journey, as she often with Steve this season.

But like, Robin and Eddie are literally turning their backs and giving them privacy for this, which is wild. Giving Steve and Nancy time for prolonged eye contact and confusing feelings that are violently resurfacing.

I mentioned earlier in this thing that Nancy and Steve are framed together a lot in the latter half of this season. I really like the way they did it, actually. Because when they have an incredibly intimate moment, like the above first aid moment above, we see Nancy pull away after to take some space. Like she has to remind herself that the ability to take space exists and that she should probably take it.

But the gap is always closed after. And in this case, it’s closed by Steve with another little joke and Nancy flirts. With more prolonged eye contact. And he knows she’s flirting.

IT’S PRETTY PUBLIC.

I don’t have a lot to say about this shot, except I do love how annoyed they both look by Eddie’s interruption.

Remember what I said about close, intimate moments followed by Nancy forcing separation? Well, that’s about to happen again immediately with this earthquake. They hold onto each other for thirty whole seconds. The earthquake lasts for eight of those. So, for twenty-two seconds after it ends, they just stand there like this.

I guess I did make a joke about Nancy looking for any opportunity to touch Steve, but it’s vice versa, too, right? He’s clinging to her shoulder and she’s clinging to his arm and it’s a lot. You can tell Nancy thinks it’s a lot, too.

But she’s still staring at Steve after, so we know even more that Nancy is forcing space she doesn’t necessarily want, even though she has to take it.

Let me just… I want to write out Eddie’s whole speech, because it’s just important.

See? The only reason I came in here was ‘cause those ladies came in straight after you. Now, I was too ashamed to be the one who stayed behind. But Wheeler? Right there? She didn’t waste a second. Not one second. She just dove right in. Now, I don’t know what happened between you two, but if I were you? I would get her back. ‘Cause that was as unambiguous a sign of true love as these cynical eyes have ever seen.

That, with the subtitle [subdued emotional music] with Steve staring longingly after Nancy? You can tell he doesn’t believe it. Or he doesn’t want to allow himself to believe it, but he wants to so bad. Because, you know, Eddie doesn’t know what happened between the two of them and there is so much history and weight between Nancy and Steve and it wasn’t his fault, but he’s also the one who ended things and made the official choice to walk away. So, yeah. Poor Steve.

You know, I find the order that they choose to go back through the gate to be pretty interesting. Robin, Eddie, Nancy, and then Steve. Why is Steve the last out when he’s injured? I know that, logically, it’s because there’s intended to be another Steve and Nancy scene here, but what are they even thinking here?

And then Steve nods at Eddie to go up. Neither of them are super willing to leave the other behind and I think that’s lovely.

And finally, we’re being shown what we already know. Nancy’s biggest source of trauma. Steve’s pool. The night Barb died. They pointed out how time stopped in the Upside Down the night Will went missing, because Nancy’s flashcards weren’t done. It’s a bit like how Nancy got stuck in her grief, right? Symbolically? And showing us that her grief is still there, that some of that lingering self-blame is still there, is obviously going to be super important. Eventually. Just not this season.

4x8

This sort of overlaps with the previous episode, but we’ll lump it all together here. Steve’s panic and desperation, trying to get Nancy to hear him, yelling at everyone else to figure it the fuck out. “Stay with me,” with his hands on her shoulders, then her face, then her shoulders and neck. And when she wakes up, she just collapses and he immediately catches her. “It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay. It’s okay, I’m right here. I’m right here.”

So, what do we get from this? Well, there’s the obvious. It’s been talked about multiple times in season four. Jonathan isn’t here. Steve is. And this isn’t a new thing for Jonathan. He apologizes at least once a season to someone for not being there. And, still obvious, but less so. After this moment, we have Hopper and Joyce talking to each other. “I thought I lost you.” / “I did lose you.” And then, perhaps less obvious. This kind of parallel to other couples on top of others. Mike says, “I’m here,” to El in season three while holding her. In this season, we hear Lucas talking to Max about how he sees her while we have Nancy starting to see Steve and his growth. We also have (in earlier episodes) Mike’s inability to tell El that he loves her directly paralleling Nancy’s inability to tell Steve she loves him in season two. And all the parallels to the start of Jonathan and Nancy’s relationship and unresolved tension that they carried around for a whole season’s worth of episodes before they did anything about it. And these are just the ones I pulled off the top of my head. I guess, since I’m going in chronological order though, I should focus on where we are in the timeline.

Nancy gives the team the download and she’s emotional the entire time. The camera shows us Steve’s reaction more than anyone else’s during Nancy’s speech. With the exception of Nancy’s, of course. But they show his reaction when she gets more emotional. He can’t look at her when her voice breaks. He’s kind of mirroring her here. She takes a shaky breath, he takes a shaky breath. She cries, he has to close his eyes.

Everyone else is staring at her in varying degrees of fear, horror, etc. But not him.

But she gets herself together and wants to go back and he argues with her. The others just kind of watch. It’s very clear that Steve and Nancy are the ones running the show and very clear that Steve is going to defer to her. And still, Max is saying her part and everyone looks to Nancy for her reaction, but Nancy looks to Steve.

For a long time.

Ah, and here we have the beautiful Winnebago talk. Nancy decided to ride up front with Steve and they are awkwardly attempting to make conversation and Steve adorably launches into a talk about what he always envisioned for his future while Nancy looks on with this face.

And NANCY THINKS IT SOUNDS NICE. Cue the [tenderly] in the captions when Nancy says, “Yeah,” back to his “Yeah?”.

I MEAN and Nancy’s over here just smiling like this half the time???

This whole scene is just perfection. And Nancy is thinking so hard after it?

Like, Steve tried to broach the future stuff with her one time as far as we know and she was not receptive in that moment. Here? She’s fucking receptive. Nancy sees this life, these dreams he has laid out for himself, and it’s yet another side of him she’s seeing that she likes. He’s reminding her that there is potential for a very nice life on the other side of all of this.

On the other end of this, we get a bit of insight as to where Steve’s head is actually at while he and Robin are making the Molotov cocktails.

Robin: In the face of the world ending, the stakes of my love life feel spectacularly low. Steve: Yeah, I mean, I get you there, but… I still have hope.

I want to unpack that first. Robin is bummed because she saw Vicki with a guy. Steve is here trying to be supportive and Robin pulls this out. And Steve. Steve?! This guy over here, who was scared to take what Eddie said to heart, who is about to march off into danger again, who just spilled his guts to his ex about the life he wants – this guy has hope.

Robin: Not everything has a happy ending. Steve: Yeah, yeah, believe me, I know.

Which he says with an incredibly unsubtle glance over at Nancy. And Robin, of course, follows his eyeline and lets out a quiet laugh, even though he looked away pretty quick. Robin’s been watching this whole thing unfold and she knows her bestie here has his heart just laying out there for someone to stomp all over again or pick up and she doesn’t know which is going to happen. Neither does he.

And still, the conversation ends up here. With Robin saying, “We have to try, right?” And yes, they’re talking about Vecna, but they’re also talking about everything else in life, because nothing in a story is that simple.

4x9

We’re here! It’s almost the end.

Let’s see. What should we touch on in the beginning of this one. Oh, the fact that the tension between them is somehow getting worse? Better? I guess it depends on your perspective.

Better, right?

The difference here is that this time, Nancy can’t put distance between them after this moment of intimacy. They’re literally marching off into battle side by side and Robin, their safety net, runs off. So, does she really want that distance?

Like, look at this. They’re talking about baby Steve being a total dork and it looks like they’re making date conversation, not walking through an evil parallel dimension off to fight some wizard/monster/generally all-around scary dude.

This portion is going to be lots of dialogue and screenshots. I’ll try to make it clear when I’m giving commentary, because I think this portion will be long.

Steve: I think, like, right out of the gate, like, I’m super confident, you know? But I’m also an idiot. Which is just, I mean, it’s a brutal combination. But, I mean, the good news is, I get a big enough thump on my head, I can change, you know? I can learn. I can crawl forward.

Nancy’s never really gotten to see this level of self-reflection from Steve, as far as we know. And he’s not being very complimentary of himself. But you know, she also missed out on experiencing a lot of this change. They went from being around each other on a fairly regular basis to seeing each other maybe a few times over the last year-ish and now he’s this whole other person. And it isn’t like she doesn’t know what ‘thump on the head’ he’s talking about.

Steve: Listen, I guess what I’m trying to say in a really stupid, roundabout way is, um….

Steve: … is thank you. Nancy: Thank me? Steve: Yeah. Nancy: For? Steve: For giving my head the biggest thump of its life two years ago.

Steve: I needed it.

I mean, how could it ever occur to her that he would thank her for breaking his heart? She’s never been proud of how their relationship ended. Don’t make me go pull up one of the season two screenshots again from when he’s walking away. So, the fact that he’s thanking her? I love it, but I can also understand why it would seem so unbelievable to her.

Steve: It changed my life. And now I’m crawling forward. Slowly. I just wonder sometimes… you know, if… some other girl had given me a proper thump before we met, would things have been different?

Honestly, I don’t have much to add here, except I feel like Nancy is on exactly the same page. If this had been Steve back when she needed him in season one, would things be different? This is what she wanted all that time.

Steve: Like, if we were meeting together for the first time right now, part of me… I don’t know part of me thinks we would’ve made it.

Nancy: Steve….

Steve: Remember the dream I told you about? About the Winnebago? Seeing the country with my six lil’ nuggets?

But the audacity of her to have such a sweet, soft smile when he’s reminding her of his dreams? Not to focus too much on negative fandom opinions, but how can anyone think she’s horrified by that? Like, this smile on top of her mild panic over him actually saying this out loud is such a combination though.

Steve: It’s all true. Every last word.

Steve: But I left one part out. It’s the most important part.

I MEAN COME ON. You cannot tell me that she didn’t know exactly where he was headed with this. With THIS face?! Look how open and receptive and patient she is???

Steve: You’re there.

Steve: You’ve always been there.

And Steve punctuating this whole thing with a soft, open, vulnerable smile. And Nancy looking up at him, also vulnerable and sad and like she can see the whole fucking picture he’s painting?

But then she looks down, remembering herself and where she is and what position she’s in, and his smile shifts.

They’re both so sad here. Like, they’ve both lost each other and they’ve come back to each other this season in so many ways. And here he is reaching out, but as soon as she looks down, it’s like he’s bracing himself for the worst.

Nancy’s about to say something. Finally. After another long moment of prolonged eye contact. And Robin interrupts.  

Nancy isn’t even shocked or mad or relieved. The sadness there is too overwhelming. Steve, however, is annoyed. Timing, Robin. Even if Nancy was about to turn him down, I think he’d rather know now than not.

Also, can we finally talk about how Robin interrupts pretty much every single one of their major moments this season? I don’t even mean that in a bad way. It’s kind of how they pulled down the barrier on the door and she stepped up with the brick, saying she found the key to open the door. She smashes open the glass and then Steve reaches his arm in to unlock/open the door through the opening she made. Right??? So, first there was Steve trying to make sure Nancy stays safe instead of going off alone and Robin interrupting to go with her instead. Next, Steve and Nancy are lightly arguing about the visit to Victor Creel and Robin runs into the room behind them. Then, Nancy is helping Steve get the cobwebs out of his hair and Robin comes in with her commentary about spiders.

I could go on, but I think you have a general idea of where I’m going. There are more moments. So many. I’m actually pretty sure Robin interrupts every single moment between them except for the one where Eddie interrupted “for Steve’s modesty”.

Like I said, though, I’m not calling this out because I hate it. I’m actually calling it out, because again, there are reasons they do these things and I love it. It could mean a few things. One of them is that Robin was a pretty important part of Steve’s character growth. Another is that Nancy needs an onscreen friend who isn’t a love interest. But ultimately, it’s that Robin is integral to Nancy and Steve coming back together. I mean, she’s probably… mostly done her part. There were a few things that needed to be established by her. Nancy needed to know that Robin and Steve are not a couple. Nancy also needed to hear someone acknowledge the fact that she and Steve have unfinished business.

And… you know, okay. The thing that really helps me explain this point is the one where Steve and Nancy take the board down from the door at the Creel house and then Robin comes in with her brick and smashes open the window so that Steve can unlock it. DO YOU SEE WHERE I’M GOING WITH THIS?! Nancy and Steve have reopened the avenue to healthy communication. Robin has come in with a brick to smash that window open so that Steve can get in there and officially open the door. Which he’s done. You’ve always been there. Nancy didn’t get to respond, but… I mean… right?! It’s an open thread that will need to be addressed and I’m excited about it.

Oh, while I’m talking about how this is an open thread for them, let’s just take a look at Nancy’s face when Steve gets grabbed by the vines when they’re in the Upside Down.  

I don’t even have anything to say about it. I just wanted to show you how much she doesn’t want to lose him.

I’m not even diving into how much I love the whole bit of Steve being the one to hand her the shotgun in Vecna’s lair. Twice. And I’m not diving into it in great detail, because I’ve already said it. They’re partners here. Which is what she wanted from the beginning.

OKAY. Let’s get back on track. There isn’t a lot more to talk about re: Steve and Nancy. Just a final note about Jonathan and Nancy, which again, has already been discussed by many other people, but it’s worth bringing up here, because it does have to do with Steve and Nancy in the end. We have proof that it has to do with Steve and Nancy because not only is one of their main topics of conversation Steve, but we have Steve reacting to their reunion.

Not sure if anyone here is a Bellamy x Clarke shipper, but this reminds me a lot of the pan to Clarke during Bellamy and Echo’s reunion in season five of The 100. Which a lot of people tried to write of as not romantic when it’s blatantly romantic in both cases. The difference for Steve is that he has Robin here to give him a comforting pat on the back.

Also, his face here is so similar to when he thought Nancy was going to turn him down after he gave her his whole speech in the Upside down.

Steve assumes he’s lost here. But we know the truth.

All right, so first, we have Jonathan apologizing for not being here (again). And Nancy’s whole fucking journey before she answers him.

The way she can’t really make eye contact, because she knows who was here.

And then we have her face when he brings up Steve?!

Like, she’s trying to laugh it off, but she can’t.

And she stands up for him, because he has grown up and she got to be around that for days and see the person he’s become and…. Damn. It gets so awkward after this.

Nancy’s inhale, like she might have more to say, but she can’t.

To top it off, we get to see them boarding up windows. Nancy holding up the boards and Jonathan hammering in the nails. And hmm, I wonder why that looks familiar. OH RIGHT. Because Steve and Nancy closed off communication in a very similar way back in season two before they officially split. This is veering into like, wild emotional speculation, but you ever think about how Nancy and Steve were putting up all that stuff using duct tape and staples and Jonathan and Nancy are using a hammer and nails. Which one of those is harder to break through?

And like, yeah. I’m saying that’s wild emotional speculation, but it makes sense to me, because… I mean, I can make the argument that Steve and Nancy’s hurdle is much easier to overcome than Jonathan and Nancy’s. Steve and Nancy were never not on the same page, per se. Nancy wasn’t exactly helping him plan a future that was aligned with hers and we know after this season that he wanted that. But their real problem was that Steve was too scared. Too scared to tell her he wanted a future with her and too scared to help her get revenge for Barb, so she retreated to the safety of someone who would. But the thing that’s hanging over Jonathan and Nancy is worse. Not only has he been planning a future with her that he doesn’t see himself in, but he hasn’t been following through. And he’s been lying about it. And she’s lying, too. He asks if she’s okay and she says they’re fine in a very (not) believable lying voice. He’s admitted to a friend that he’s slow-motion breaking up with Nancy. She’s admitted to a friend that she knows he’s hiding something and she doesn’t know where they stand. And unlike Steve and Nancy in season two, they let this stay unsolved at the end of the season.

Really, it does all come down to that future thing, doesn’t it? Jonathan doesn’t see one where they aren’t both miserable. Jonathan’s dream is NYU. It has been since he was six. He can’t tell Nancy that he doesn’t want to be part of her dream to go to Emerson, because he’s scared. Their relationship was supposedly built on shared trauma and connection, but a lot of that is lost now. The entire fucking group has shared trauma at this point. And Jonathan got Will back. Nancy never got her friend back. And now that Steve has evolved into a person who is an incredibly willing partner, who says that the most important part of his dream future is her… I mean….

Nancy: I feel like life keeps throwing things in the way of our big plans. Jonathan: Yeah, it sure seems like that.

Remember that thing I said like 10k words ago about how Steve is always going to be in the way of their relationship? If you pushed me, I might be convinced that Steve and Nancy were endgame since the moment they decided to keep his character around and kill him off. But my original thesis has its merits, too, so I’ll stick with it for now.

Well. Here we are at the end. It’s not looking good, guys. I mean, not for them. We, however, are looking at a very promising setup for season five. I suppose I could see a world where they decide to fix Nancy and Jonathan’s issues, but if they’re going to do that, there’s literally no point to all this setup in season four. I wish I were exaggerating, but what else is the point of bringing all of this up again?

I suppose that in a good paper, I would circle back to my original point, which is that the writers changed their minds about Nancy’s endgame relationship in season two and decided that Steve would be a better ending for her after all. And they did it to themselves. As I said multiple times, they built him into the perfect partner for Nancy. The person that she wanted from the start. And I know I’m talking a lot about what Nancy wants out of their relationship, but that’s because she’s the one who didn’t know what she wanted. Steve always has. He says exactly that. He wants Nancy and that’s it. He just needed to get to a place in life where she could see that future that he wants. And they’re there. And we’re stuck here waiting to see if they end up on the beach with a couple kids ten years down the road.

I think it’s looking pretty promising, but I guess I did just write 18.5k words on this, so if I didn’t, that would be weird.

If you’ve gotten this far, thanks for reading. I hope you enjoyed my unhinged thought process and that we get some fun resolution to the unresolved threads that are left behind within the next year or so.

I don’t know how to end things.

But neither do Steve and Nancy.

Boom, roasted.

The end.

[reasonsforhope]

"At HarperCollins, a lot of attention and thought is given to deciding exactly what combinations of margin measurements, font, and layout feel most appropriate for the genre, and writing style.

But in a case of do-your-part environmentalism, designers at the publishing house have now standardized a series of subtle and imperceptible alterations to normal font style, layouts, and ink that have so far removed the need for 245 million book pages, totaling 5,618 trees.

Telling the story in Fast Company, representatives from HarperCollins, one of the four largest publishing houses in the world, explained that the idea first arose in Zondervan Bibles, HarperCollins’ Christian publishing division. Being that the Bible is 2,500 pages or sometimes more, saving ink and pages was not just an environmental consideration, but one of production costs.

A new typeface called NIV Comfort Print allowed Zondervan to shave 350 pages off of every Bible, which by 2017 had amounted to 100 million pages, and which, as Fast Company points out, would be four times higher than the Empire State Building if stacked.

The production and design teams then wondered how much they could save if they applied the same concepts to other genres like romance and fiction. Aside from the invention of the eBook, publishing hasn’t changed much in the last 100 years, and the challenge was a totally novel one for the teams—to alter all their preconceived ideas and try and find a font and typeface that resulted in fewer pages without being harder to read.

They eventually standardized 14 different combinations their tests determined were the most environmentally friendly, and which delivered an unchanged reading experience.

But the challenge didn’t stop there. Printed books, one might not know, are printed in large sheets which are then folded into sections of sixteen pages, meaning that Leah Carlson-Stanisic, associate director of design at HarperCollins, has to calculate the savings of space, words, and ultimately pages with the help of her team to fall in multiples of sixteen.

Nevertheless, they have been successful with it so far, and in the recent print run of one popular book, 1 million pages (or a number near 1 million that coincides with the 16 times tables) were saved.

“We want to make sure our big titles, by prominent authors, are using these eco-fonts,” Carlson-Stanisic said. “It adds up a little bit at a time, saving more and more trees.”"

-via Good News Network, April 4, 2024

--

Note: Great! Waiting to see this on the rest of their books and at the other big publishers!

Actually, though, it's worth noting that this may not come quickly to the other large publishers, because Harper Collins almost certainly owns that font - meaning that other publishers would have to pay HarperCollins in order to use it, on an ongoing basis.

More on publishing shit and more realistic solutions here below the cut!

What I'm hoping for and think is more likely is that this will inspire the development of open source eco-friendly fonts, which would be free for anyone to use. That would make it far more likely other publishers would adopt eco-friendly fonts.

I'm also hoping it would inspire other publishers to create similar eco-friendly fonts of their own.

Ideally, there would be a whole new landscape of (hopefully mostly open source) eco-friendly fonts. And/or to see calculations of the eco-friendliness of popular existing fonts, compared to each other.

If we could have a publicly accessible list of calculations for different fonts, including fonts designed to maximize eco-friendliness, I really do think that it would affect which fonts publishers choose to use. Here's why:

Most people in publishing are on the left (notoriously, actually) and really do care about the environment

People in publishing are plenty aware of these issues re: paper and trees, I promise

Shorter books means smaller production costs - and possibly smaller shipping costs as well, over time! So it would save them money too.

Eco-friendly fonts could also be combined with other measures for greater effect, such as bamboo paper (already in use for a lot of projects where page color/quality is more flexible) and thinner paper (aka paper with a lower weight) that uses less trees.

Don't expect books to all move to just one or two different fonts, though. Publishers and typesetters and font designers will innovate to create more options instead, though it will take longer. This is because different books really do use different fonts for various different reasons - one new font to rule them all isn't really a solution here.

"Every book is in the same font" may sound like a "whatever" deal to a lot of people, but as someone who works in publishing - trust me, it would actually make your reading experience worse, even if you could never quite put your finger on why.

[copperbadge]

Hi Sam! Because I just saw the post on ao3 and donations, and a different post about ao3s updated statement regarding chatgpt/ai generated fiction, and you generally have a good read on things like this - what's your opinion on it, and how its meant to be interpreted?

(I want to good faith believe, and its a complicated/ongoing topic, but wanted to hear your thoughts)

I don't know which post about the update you mean, Anon, but I assume the update referenced is the one the OTW posted on 5/13 about AI scraping and ChatGPT. I do have some thoughts but I want to go through the post a little because I don't think I'm actually needed to interpret this one -- I think with some critical thought anyone can, but a lot of people don't get critical thinking training in school, so I want to do a little demo of it.

Pre-emptively, this is a list of things I'm not an expert on: copyright law, data scraping, AI, website design, and the legality of certain forms of freedom of expression. But honestly for this you don't need to be.

First and foremost, we really have no reason to disbelieve OTW when they speak on this subject. While there's debate and discussion about AO3 and certainly it's imperfect in a number of directions, they are pretty transparent, generally speaking. I don't believe there is a reason to approach AO3 with an assumption of disingenuity in a general sense. However, the organization is run by humans, who are imperfect and can sometimes be deceitful, so it's good to always approach public statements with a critical eye.

So the post is talking about two separate but related issues: preventing AIs from scraping AO3, and policy on AI-generated works being posted. What we are looking for, from both, is a combination of things: we want what they're saying to make sense both in the world, and within the statement -- no contradictions, nothing that seems illogical, nothing that seems like baseless assumption or generalization. We want simple prose, and we want a look at the reasoning behind the actions they're taking.

When talking about AI scraping, they start with what they've done to counteract scraping, speaking in relatively simple terms but with enough specificity that if you wanted you could look up anything you didn't understand. They list what they've done to prevent scraping, and they also discuss the issues with the kinds of measures that would need to be implemented to fully prevent it. They mention specific examples that people were concerned about, and they talk about what they'll be doing going forward.

In terms of the text, this all makes sense to me -- here's what we've done, here's the problem with doing more, here's what we plan to do next. Internally, no matter what the topic is, this section is logical, there are no contradictions and no particular evasions. Critically it passes muster. Additionally, with the knowledge I do have of website design and data management, I can tell that they're doing all they reasonably can. From a standpoint of ignorance, the statement makes internal sense; from a standpoint of knowledge, they're doing what I would do in their place.

When talking about AI-generated works, likewise, they're pretty open about their process and reasoning. They say look, this isn't against TOS as it stands, and here's a reminder of why, followed by a mission statement. The bolded text of that statement is very clear, and correlates with what I said in an earlier post: their policy is maximum inclusivity of fanworks. This statement is consistent with policy AO3 has held for years, which is well-known to the community.

They go on to discuss how AI-generated work could violate spam policies, but those spam policies apply to everyone everywhere, and they remind us that we can always have the Policy & Abuse team examine a work we're skeptical of. (Inside baseball, I know some people who have beef with Policy & Abuse for being unresponsive, particularly in certain cases where harassment is involved. However, within this document, they are saying both "here's why we do this" and "if you have a problem, here's the first step.")

Again, after saying what's happening and what's being done about it, they move on to say that these are only current policies, and may change depending on future developments, and that those changes will be made available for public discussion. This is once more internally logical, and with the benefit of outside knowledge, perfectly rational.

Because I agree with them -- when I saw there was an "updated" statement from OTW on AI-generated prose I was frankly alarmed because I think banning AI-generated prose from AO3 causes way more problems than it solves. It's pretty restrained of them not to bring up the issue in more detail, but it's not difficult for those of us familiar with the community to project outwards as to why banning AI prose might be a bad thing.

So, think about what happens if an AI prose ban goes into effect and you read a fic you think was AI generated. How can you tell? Have you read some of the human-generated prose on AO3? Some of it's not great. So really in that case, what you're banning is someone saying they AI-generated the fic, which means AI-generated fic would still show up, it just couldn't be tagged as such. It's like Prohibition -- they banned alcohol and people still drank. They poisoned the alcohol and people drank the poisoned alcohol (check out paragraph five for specifics). If you ban something off the archive it'll still show up there, it just won't be tagged, so instead of a bag labeled "dead dove, do not eat" you just step on a land mine in your kitchen. AI prose is not content in the way that say incest or underage sex is; I'm against banning those as well, but at least with those you can pretty clearly say "yes this is" or "no this isn't" based on objective criteria. You can't do that with "was this made by a human or a machine" when it comes to prose.

Which leads to the second issue: if a text is reported as AI-generated and the author says "No, I wrote that," how do you prove otherwise? If you report an author for uploading AI-generated prose, all that will happen is either they just say "No, I wrote that" or someone on AO3's abuse team unilaterally decides that yes, this is AI prose, and punts someone off the website who might just be kind of a crap writer, which is not a sin or a crime. Either way it's a waste of time. So introducing a ban on AI prose is really just introducing either a useless show-law that will still cause AI prose to be posted there, just without proper tagging, or a tool to harass people with. Harassment is already an issue on the archive.

And we can reason all this out for ourselves simply by asking "What is the good-faith reason for not banning AI prose?" Assuming good faith isn't just for blindly trusting, after all; it's also for reasoning out other peoples' motivations for things.

And frankly fandom gets a little weird about assuming bad faith when it comes to anyone who has the least bit of power within the community. It's something I've encountered personally, as someone with some clout in fandom who is occasionally assumed to have weirdly malevolent intent. I'm not malicious. I'm just an awkward dumbass. But this is just something fandom does, so it's also good to check oneself and go, "Hey, is this person being genuinely malevolent or am I just assuming wickedness because it's easier to be mad at a villain than to explore the complexities of these acts?"

It's why I deliberately didn't speculate about the person who uploaded an AI fanfic and didn't respond to others doing so in comments. That person is right there. You don't have to assume any intent at all, you can just ask them. And it's so much more educational to do so!

So yeah, actually real props to whoever wrote that post by the OTW -- it's internally logical, reasonably transparent, simply written, and avoids a lot of prose pitfalls that I would absolutely fall into (did fall into, in this very post). I think within this area, they are doing what they can to prevent scraping and making the correct decisions, for now, regarding AI content on the archive.

[lovingksuki]

✰ SECRET ADMIRER

— highschoolers bakugo x fem!reader

synopsis: an anonymous love letter appears in your locker on valentine's day. surprised, you and your best friend start an investigation to uncover who was that person observing you from afar. meanwhile, a flushed bakugo tries to ruin your plans on the undercover alongside his shitty-haired buddy

cw: sfw; mostly fluff; lil angst; very insecure bakugo; romantic comedy; puberty; silly jokes; little swearing.

a/n: this is part one of three. let me know if you want this mini series to be continued :) and pls be patient since english is not my first language hehe ;;

word count: 1k

"oh c'mon! what if there's a heart shaped letter in your locker? you never know..."

"there's not."

"you can't be so certain about it. my girl is never looking her surroundings, who knows if someone got their heart pierced by an arrow?" mina pointed.

"shut up, every year the same thing..." you rushed and right after turning the corridor you captured by distance. "ok. maybe you were right." you said finding the metal compartment half closed.

then you grabbed the red paper in her hands, paying attention to the almost dry daisy taped lazily on the front; glanced around not spotting anything or anyone suspicious about it, then turned to your best friend.

"i got a feeling you're part of this." spurred.

"whoa, i was joking just now! even i am chocked. who's the sender?" the pink colored girl held her hands up in protest.

"i don't know, there's only my name." you stated carefully sticking the little flower out.

"let me search for a hint." mina took the letter from your hands suddenly, mumbling while quickly skimming through the words looking for something useful. she gasped before smirking at the content and then continued mumbling.

"enjoying yourself!?" you sighed waiting.

"mkay, done." handed the letter. "nothing between the lines. who wrote this sure is smart enough to not leak their identity."

"that's for me to decide. you ain't the smartest kind." you chuckled.

"hey!"

"more like the pretty girl type."

"you sly thing! you received a love letter, who's the pretty girl again?" both laughed at the statement and headed out to the cafeteria. "not reading it?"

"can't think when i am this hungry. we should hurry."

at the lunchtime the subject was the same. you two were discussing with your mouths full, sitting by yourselves on a table far enough from eavesdropping.

"hear me out. there's this line that seems to be rewritten over and over, it's a bit tattered." you mentioned. "it says: 'i'm still hesitant about what you think about me' and thanks to the pressure they put on paper seems to be 'afraid of who i am' underneath."

"adds a lot of nothing to our investigation. that's what everybody would say in a confession, i mean, nobody likes being dumped." pinky pointed out unfazed.

"yeah but, i don't think it's meaningless, what if this person is truly insecure about themselves." you pondered.

"or they're just ugly." mina chewed on her meal.

"i don't think that's the case... remember when you told me that thing you read about pretty boys' handwriting?" you brought up.

"did you actually believe that!? was just a discussion in a girl's meme forum." the pink one remarked.

"but there's some truth behind it. if you consider that people with a smaller hand can grip on a pen better when writing, also means the ones with big hands tend to have a sloppier handwriting!" you stated confident about your theory.

"girl, you're tripping... does this mean we're going across the school measuring boys' hands?" mina smirked unconvinced.

"precisely."

꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦

"what a fucking waste of time..." said raging.

"dude, calm down. at least you poured your feelings out..." eijiro reassured his bestfriend trying to point out the bright side of things.

but while he's the bright side, katsuki was the dark side. they say a good relationship is based in balance, in this case it makes total sense.

"you even checked if she read it?" asked the red haired.

"when she and mina walked by me at the corridor they were whispering and giggling like little lambs. probably laughing at that letter though." pouted.

"you're being paranoid, they're always like that."

"they're up to something..." bakugo murmured.

whilst the two struggled to put up with the 'plan cupid', the other two were constructing the 'plan pretty boy's handwriting'.

"as i was saying, a pencil has six inches approximately, we're looking for a hand as big at least. if we measure our hands we can compare with theirs without them noticing." stated grabbing a pen off her case.

"you're truly a genius. i refuse to accept you failed strategic test last week." mina complimented.

"i was in a really bad mood that day... anyway!" justified while traced her own hand in a empty page of mina's notebook. "fifteen centimeters. do yours and we're good to go!" demanded agitated.

when looking for friends of theirs, the girls pretended to just have a walk around the school.

"what if it was a girl?" mina asked suddenly.

"i doubt. how many girls with large hands do we know?" claimed.

"mmm... asui-san?"

"you've got to be kidding...!" pulled her phone and dialed quickly a number. "hey!" you smiled. "no, nothing really urgent, i just wanted to ask... are you perhaps in love with me?" questioned without any filter.

"girl you gone mad?" mina whispered holding back a laughter.

"uh, ok. anyways, thank you. we talk later, kisses!" you hung up. "see? that's not her."

"woah you're so straightforward! it scares me sometimes..."

the boys exited the restroom still discussing, but when the blondie heard a certain voice he stepped back. pulled eijiro's tie to hide behind a pillar with him. "shut it!" mouthed.

"i just wanted to ask... are you perhaps in love with me?"

"uh, ok."

his face started to burn as he became more anxious. could only hear a few words, enough to bring the boy into complete state of panic.

after the girls left he released his breath.

"stop overthinking! she just received a love letter, of course she's curious!" kirishima said.

"i didn't say anything, shitty-hair!"

"your face shows!" sighed. "seriously, how can she be so oblivious? just look at you! you're terrible at hiding."

"i- i... she doesn't even talk to me that often..." katsuki pitied.

"bro, you're not the friendliest around here. but she doesn't seem to be afraid of you." kiri pondered. "have you ever tried to smile?"

he looked at the red spiked guy and opened a shy smile.

"a bit more."

every time bakugo tried to put on smiling face it looked creepy. "be more genuine." said eijiro.

trying his best, but even with so much effort... his buddy analyzed. "ok. it looks absolutely terrifying."

"shit."

[transmutationisms]

Feel free not to answer this ask so you dont have to step into this particular hornet's nest but do you have any thoughts about people sharing inaccurate science about COVID in order to push for more COVID regulations? I agree that COVID is being neglected and we need better policies but I'm also a biochemist so it pisses me off to see people cite research in a way that makes exaggerated and terrifying claims. Two years ago, I was warning my colleagues against this condescending "just trust the science" approach but now the same crowd pushing that has shifted to pushing "don't trust any of the positive science, only my catastrophic interpretations of it". Can't we mask without also trying to convince each other that COVID is a guaranteed one way ticket to death and permanent disability?

you must be new here haha i swing bats at this hornet's nest like once a month. yeah i think the current state of covid communication sucks a lot. i mean the truth is that "follow the science" is always a disingenuous sentiment; Science doesn't speak, and scientists disagree with one another. and it's naïve to pretend majority consensus is a reliable mechanism to identify truth—anyone who has followed the covid aerosolisation about-face will recall that although linsey marr was not the first researcher to challenge medical orthodoxy on airborne disease transmission, even well into the covid pandemic the idea of aerosol transmission was marginalised by global health authorities because it was politically inconvenient, out of favour with powerful established academics, and reminiscent to some of pre-pasteurian miasma theories of disease. those who would "follow the science" were not presented with a convenient dichotomy between reasonable evidence-backed expert consensus and fringe peddlers of heterodoxy; to evaluate these positions required actually, yknow, reading and evaluating the arguments and evidence from multiple competing positions, and deciding which had the greater explanatory power. which is good epistemological advice only insofar as it's so obvious as to be trite.

fundamentally a huge driving force of this situation is the social, political, and institutional forces that make expert knowledge (a generally good thing) all too often synonymous with inaccessible knowledge. i don't mean inaccessibility caused by knowledge being specialised; obviously this is inevitable to some extent simply as a result of the fact that no one person will grasp the entirety of human knowledge. but the fact that knowledge is specialised, specific, highly technical, and so forth doesn't automatically mean, for example, that it has to be monetarily gatekept from all but a select few with the resources to persevere through a highly punishing, nepotistic, hegemonic university system; this is a political problem, and one that additionally has the effect of enabling and sheltering low-quality work (see: replication crisis) behind the opaque walls of university bureaucracy and the imprimateur of the credentials it grants. in lieu of an ability to actually engage with, read, or challenge much of the academic research being generated on any given topic, the lay public is supposed to rely on signs of reliability like possession of a degree, or institutional reputation. what we in fact see again and again, and with particularly high stakes in the case of something like a pandemic, is that these measures are instruments of class stratification and professional jockeying that don't inherently ensure quality information: MDs can and do peddle anti-vaxx lies and covid / long-covid denialism; the CDC and WHO can and do perpetrate bad and outdated scientific advice, like that masks are unnecessary and isolation periods can be shortened for convenience. many of these are just blatant cases of kowtowing to political pressure, which arises from the capitalist logic that counterposes disease prevention to economic growth.

this all leaves us in a position where it is, in fact, smart and correct to evaluate the information coming from 'official' and credentialled sources with scepticism. the problem is that in its place, we get information coming out of the same capitalist state-sponsored scientific institutions, and the same colonialist universities; the idea that some chucklefuck on twitter is telling you the secret truth just because they correctly identified that the government sucks is plainly absurd. where covid specifically is concerned, the liberalism of academic and scientific institutions is on display in numerous ways, including the idealist assumption, which many 'covid communicators' make, that public health policy is primarily a matter of swaying public opinion, and therefore that it is always morally imperative to form and propagate the most alarmist possible interpretation of any study or empirical observation. this is not an attitude that encourages thoughtful or measured evaluation of The Science (eg, study methodology), nor is it one that actually produces the kind of political change that would be required to protect the populace writ large from what is, indeed, a dangerous and still rampant virus. instead, this form of communication mostly winds up generating social media Engagement and screenshots of headlines of summaries of studies.

meanwhile, actual public health policy (which is by and large determined at the mercy of capitalist state interests, and which by and large shapes public opinion of what mitigation measures are 'reasonable', despite the CDC repeatedly pretending this works the other way round), remains on its trajectory toward lax, open exposure of anyone and everyone to each new strain of covid, perpetuating a society that is profoundly hostile to disabled people and careless with everyone's life and health. this fucking sucks. it sucked that we have treated the flu like this for years, and it sucks that we are now doing it with a virus that we are still relatively immunologically naïve to, and that produces, statistically, even more death and disability than the flu. and it sucks that the predominating explanations of this state of affairs from the 'cautious' emphasise not the structural forces that shape knowledge production under capitalism, but instead invoke a psychological narrative whereby individuals simply need to be sufficiently terrified into producing mass action.

[da-shrimping-station]

Cooking for the House of Lamentation

Let me start this post by saying that over the years I've had plenty of experience cooking for a lot of people. I'm no expert cook whatsoever, just a helping hand in the kitchen during festivals and occasions (which happens multiple times in a year). If you have more experience and insights, please feel free to share!

Let’s start this off by having some sort of baseline so we’re all on the same page.

MC /OC/you/us/we (and what have you) can:

follow a recipe well enough

be in the kitchen and not have it burn down

cook an edible meal at the end of it all

A fairly average cook if you will.

Now, time for chaos.

Cooking for a lot of people is…a lot. A feast for upwards of 10 people can take the whole day. Not to mention buying ingredients beforehand. How many dishes are you gonna cook? Do they go well/compliment each other? What’s the serving size? Are you gonna have desserts too? Do you have the right equipment? Are the ingredients available/accessible? Is there anyone who has a food-specific condition to look out for and make alternatives for? Are there ingredients that need to be marinated/prepped in advanced? Is everything within budget? (These are some questions at the top of my head)

Now the main concern here is volume/quantity. Beelzebub. Need I say more?

Actually, YES. It’s a house full of men. Men eat a lot. Oh, and they’re also demons. So let’s assume they eat/consume significantly more than humans. (You can pitch in your HCs for each brother regarding how much they eat) But let’s say the food has to be for 10-15 people at the very least.

GROCERY RUN!

There’s a whole ass booklet for the groceries, with each brother having their own page/section. Let’s assume there’s no budget constraints (Lucifer can bitch about the cost and budgeting but his brothers need to be fed). Groceries are bought in bulk. Multiple times a week. Emergency trips in the middle of the night or else they starve for breakfast. 

At some point they get their groceries delivered every 3 days or so. The runs are now for necessity/emergency.

But if a brother requests a certain dish, then it’s time to go to the market. Prepare your haggling skills.

THE BATTLEFIELD

Based off of the game (and referencing the floor plan from Wanderer’s Whereabouts), the kitchen is actually pretty spacious. Good. We need all the space we can get for this. I’d like to think Barbatos personally made sure the kitchen is fully kitted out with all the equipment and utensils one needs. (Thanks, Barbs. You’re the best!) No worries on that end.

I headcanon that the kitchen is split into 2 parts: the side where the stoves and appliances are and the side where the dirty kitchen is. That way you have access to stoves/ovens and the fancy appliances as well as being able to cook with coal or in a spit. Increases the capacity for cooking multiple dishes at once. (Please share your HCs for the kitchen!)

PREP TIME

Prepare your hands and arms. Washing, peeling, chopping, dicing, slicing, marinating. Any and every sort of ingredient prep. How many ingredients does this dish have? Are you gonna prep one dish only? Are you gonna prep for two in advance? Mis en place (or whatever the term is im no culinary shrimp)

Also think about the sheer amount of ingredients.

Say, according to the cookbook, this dish serves 5 people and it needs 1 whole onion. Pretty straight forward right? But you’re cooking for 7 demon brothers and one being the Avatar of Gluttony. Let’s go back to the 10-15 people approximation. That means you have to increase the amount (in this case that’ll be 2 or 3 whole onions). That goes for every fucking dish. 3 onions for dish #1. What about dish #2 and #3 and so on? (Honestly, your hands must be well marinated by the time you’re done with all the prep)

Measuring the ingredients too. 1 cup of this, a tablespoon of that, a pinch of this. Please please please let there be enough soy sauce for tonight’s cooking.

Another thing: you’re probably dealing with local Devildom ingredients (which you did not even know existed until then)

Veggies? Sliced

Meats? Washed and cut.

Condiments and seasonings? All measured.

Are we ready to cook? NO.

Please clean up the peels, excesses, undesirables, and packaging.

GET THE FIRE GOING

Finally! The actual cooking part! Take a deep breath and put that pot on the stove. Good luck cuz you’re gonna be juggling between multiple dishes just to be able to get ready for dinnertime.

One dish is boiling so the meat softens? Time to fry. Oh and have you checked the one you were marinating? Please add that to the veggies in dish #2. Don’t overcook the pasta for dish #1! Please adjust the heat, that pot is boiling over. Taste test for dish #3. Hhm needs more salt. Is the meat soft enough? Good, let's season it. Please mind the fire! You’re gonna char the one you’re frying. This one has marinated long enough, we can add it to dish #2. Take dish #1 off the heat. I think it’s done. Do you think this is fried well enough?

It’s hectic. It’s a mess and a half. You make sure nothing is overcooked or undercooked. Taste test to make sure everything tastes fine. (are the dishes safe for human consumption tho)

ALL DONE!(?)

You wish! Now you have to deal with the clean up!

Wash everything you used for cooking. Pots, pans, knives, measuring cups and spoons, plates and bowls you put the ingredients in, the tasting spoons you used, the ladles and spatulas, etc

Please clean the stoves, sinks, countertops/tabletops too.

Oh yea, put away the excess ingredients and return the condiments and seasonings.

You still there? Still got energy to study and do homework later?

Personally, i clean as i go whenever i have the time in between tending to the dishes. I hate hate hate a messy/dirty kitchen while i cook it makes me wanna rage

DINNERTIME

These fuckers better sit down and eat what you cooked. No. Who the fuck cares if someone is being rowdy or moody or being dramatic. NO ONE wastes your efforts in preparing the food. Sit down and EAT.

I mean alright, maybe you can tag team dinner prep but it’s still a lot in terms of quantity and sheer volume. Will that brother be of actual help in the kitchen?

To sum it all up,

May the Universe have mercy on MC when they’re on cooking duty.

[cock-holliday]

Crazy that we can't send asks from side blogs still in the year of our Tumblr 2023, but re: your tags on my ask: YEAH YOU GET IT.

There's a distinct difference between acting in self defense/needing to protect oneself and others in the face of active violence being inflicted against you and just general revolutionary leftist bloodlust. Like, speaking as someone who both had his feet on the ground and was an at home lifeline for folks on the ground in 2020, I'm explicitly talking about how non-violence and deradicalization efforts should come before the latter, not necessarily the former (imo)

- ftmtftm

So my response went on for ten thousand years so I’m putting it below a readmore under the title of My Thesis on Violence:

Mm speaking from my own experience in 2020 and a good long while before, I think non-violence and violence depend on one another and all these concepts are super subjective. Non-violence doesn’t really work without the looming possibility of violence. Violence without restraint or consideration is dangerous to more than just your enemy.

Ultimately, I think we may differ a bit on what we consider justified or useful violence, and I get the sense I am a good bit more pro-violence than you. I do not think that necessarily makes for a bad combination, as I imagine there is quite a spectrum of opinion on what is “defense,” what is “justified,” and I think “deserves” is a horrible metric to measure anything against.

I am wholeheartedly, one hundred and ten percent against the death penalty. That doesn’t mean I don’t think killing is justified. I think in some cases, too much action is reactive and not pro-active, but then less people are inclined to find that action to be “defensive” or “justified.”

I think many people would agree, even the nonviolent, that if a white supremacist started shooting into a crowd and someone shot back, that shooting was “self-defense.” Would as many find it self-defense if a leftist tracked down a nazi and killed him in his home?

Freddie Oversteegen was a dutch resistance fighter during WW2. There are lots of heroic stories of people hiding Jews, destroying documents, smuggling supplies and people, and blowing up infrastructure. Freddie and her sister? They would flirt with nazis and lead them into the woods for the prospect of sex and then murder them. They also would ride their bicycles past isolated soldiers on the road and kill them. Are these murders defensive, yes or no? Either way, are they justified?

In Germany, an anarchist and her cohorts have been put on trial for having tracked down and beaten neo-nazis. In Germany, France, Greece, England, Scotland, and countless other countries, entire gangs circulated around football/soccer track down and offer nazi ass-beatings. I have found in my experience that the threat of death or an ass beating also pushes nazis out of the circles and away from their groups. Or makes them think twice about their activities.

One good punch to the face pushed Richard Spencer into obscurity, and he became a joke in right wing circles. In groups that circle around domination and superiority, being made to look weak to your peers is a fast-track to ousting.

I have been able to enjoy being as safe from nazis as I have been because when WW2 ended, antifash skinheads, gangs, anarchists, communists, groups like The Red Warriors, and random guys with baseball bats fought them in the streets and in their homes and made them regret hosting meetings. Their history is erased, yet I benefit from it.

The thing is, the only way someone stops being a nazi is de-radicalization or death. I am of the opinion that anyone who wants to renounce their ways and change their path should get the chance. I don’t think it’s a matter of deserving. I don’t think deserving matters, because who I think deserves what will differ from any fellow member of the struggle. I think chances should be given as frequently as possible. Because in my view, it should not be a question between doing nothing or de-radicalizing the nazi. The options are de-radicalize or kill them.

The same, essentially, can be said of cops. A cop would argue anyone who shoots at them is the aggressor and anything the cop does back is defense. I disagree. The cop’s position is already one of attack by his mere existence. A squad car of cops getting blown up will never incur my condemnation nor sympathy. And any cop who wants to quit and renounce his ways should be given the chance.

If a cop was dying in front of me and I alone could save him, I would do absolutely nothing to help. But I also would not fault a medic for rushing to save them either. I don’t find it a weakness, I find it a mercy I was unwilling to dole out.

Nonviolence and de-radicalization have to be acts of mercy not pitiful pleas. The state does not fear non-violence, and they will use it as justification for their own violence just as quick as actual violence, as I and countless others bear the scars to prove. Injustice is violence. Hell, the state itself is violence but that’s a whole other conversation.

Nonviolent marches are good for 3 things: garnering public sympathy, getting a gauge of numbers and showing strength with numbers, connecting people to groups after the event. That’s it.

Non-violence on its own does not change the minds of politicians. Or at least not enough to matter. The passing of legislature, the changing of laws, the shift in social conditions comes from viewing non-violence as the option that keeps those in power safe from violence.

The biggest piece of law regarding labor law in the United States was not passed because of polite bargaining, it was because tycoons and their families were being killed and factories were getting blown up, so sure, we can concede to the petitioners, it is safer.

I do not come from the region of the Coal Wars, from the state with the Homestead Strikes, from a family that escaped slaughter in Europe to think that violence does not have a central place in my politics and my privileges.

It is fitting to have this conversation right now, because the founder of the March of Return, a peaceful demonstration by Palestinians in 2018 where thousands upon thousands of unarmed civilians marched up to the border wall and were massacred by the IOF, has had his family targeted and killed, and now is fighting to stay alive after being bombed.

I think a lot of condemnation of violence is completely needless. I think a lot of what is seen as fetishizing the Revolution is a spark igniting in the fighting spirit of people. Now, my actual issues of fetishizing the Revolution comes from three places: 1. being so in love with the idea of a TV Revolution that you sit and wait for that moment to happen instead of participating. 2. Violence as a cover for domination. 3. Delighting in the idea of becoming the head of the state rather than dismantling it.

The first is pretty self-explanatory. For the second, there are plenty of leftists, often tankies, flexing their antisemitism real hard and pretending it’s liberatory. I cannot express how disappointing it was to be told that everything was just leftist infighting and there was no reason to be concerned about tankies vs anarkiddies, it’s all useless…only to watch groups of leftists cheer on Russian aggression or pretend it was to cleanse Ukraine of nazis. Or watch Nazbols become emboldened by the conflict and invasion. Or deal with the consequences of leftists who will wield the cops against others. For #3, pieces like Against the Logic of the Guillotine sum up how terrifying it is for many groups of leftists to be delighted in the prospect of deciding who gets the guillotine or the wall or the gulag—concepts that will only lead to greater abuse and oppression.

I am against all carceral violence, punitive violence, state violence. The concept of a body sitting down in little suits and calmly carrying out a death sentence on anyone is infinitely more violent to me than blowing up a nazi’s house. Frankly, an eviction where the tenant is calmly lead away from their home is as violent to me as the tenant shooting back at the cops coming to take them away. I do not ever want to replicate the magnitude of calculated violence that a state can produce, nor do I want to be an arbiter for it.

All in all I think violence has a central place in resistence movements of any scale and I think it is too hairy to decide what all is justified, and even in the face of unjustified actions by some I can’t say that I’d condemn a movement for it, even while challenging members of that movement.

I think nonviolence has to be a hand you are extending not because you fear violence as an option but because you don’t.

Not everyone has to be comfortable with violence themselves, but should not needlessly impede violence that is justified or defensive or however you like to frame it. When nazis are on a stage emboldening violence, I think it is not only excusable but required for violence to be an answer. They should be dragged off the stage and get their ass beat. Chants do not make them rethink their stance. Hand-painted signs do not. Violence also may not, but they’ll think twice before showing up again.

I do also sometimes have to laugh at the hypocrisy of those that consider themselves nonviolent who wield a type of violence against the violent you disagree with. In crowds combatting nazis, ‘leaders’ have tried to hand over ‘outside agitators’ to the cops. This is violence. In my opinion, it is much more violent than what was going to happen to that nazi.

On the flip side, many instances of nonviolence are necessary extensions of redemption, and also shouldn’t be impeded or framed as weakness. The very same nazis whose assbeatings I advocate for should absolutely be welcome to utilize de-radicalization resources. No one owes them anything, but they should not be turned away from trying. Again and again and again the offer should stand that they can change their mind and end it peacefully. Can change their ways and stop this. Can be a champion of the people they have hurt.

Because if they don’t, I will not spare a shred of sympathy if someone kills them.

Some pieces on this stance I really like:

This Nonviolent Stuff’ll Get You Killed pdf

Learning from Ferguson

[thatmooncake]

This ask is a free infodump prompt! Saw your tags on that one post and while approaching people also makes me feel like I'm a shaking wet Chihuahua, I love people being enthusiastic! So this is for anything you feel like talking about - favorite AU? Ideas you couldn't share before? Thoughts on the canon DCA? Pick something, anything! I got a lil chair and I'm patiently waiting <3

Hmmm, well I’ve kept you waiting long enough (sorry about that), so today I’ll ramble about one of my favourite things about the DCA - their relationship, and more specifically, how they “share” with each other and how that works out for them!

I’m a sucker for any AU that explores the way Sun and Moon interact with each other, whether they’re in one body or not, whether they communicate directly or indirectly. And I’ve always been interested in exploring how long each of them has “out” at a given time, and how that affects them both.

Like, Sun is (in theory) supposed to be out at ALL TIMES in the daycare. ALL TIMES. No Moon, only Sun. The staff even put (flimsy) measures in place so that Moon would NEVER take over in that space. But from what we can tell, Sun and Moon were built to be a package deal, and with that taken into consideration, it’s very unlikely that this doesn’t put some amount of stress on Sun’s system at the best of times, what with him having NO time at all to go dormant outside of the night patrols. Even if he does have a little time to go dormant, he’s already seemingly under so much stress from the fear of what happens when Moon takes over that the forced transformations cannot be doing him any good at all.

Meanwhile, when he is actually active, Moon has some “freedoms” that Sun doesn’t seem to have. He can roam around the pizzaplex, for example. We never see Sun leave the daycare. From what we can tell in the game, only Moon can roam the pizzaplex because the daycare attendant only roams free when the lights go out at the end of every hour. Whether this has always been the case or whether it’s a new measure put in place by Freddy’s to replace some of the night staff with Moon is anyone’s guess really. But this freedom doesn’t really mean much in the grand scheme of things when it’s basically just been put in place so that Moon can be a puppet for the Afton virus. And throughout all of the social hours when he would have once been interacting with kids, Moon is now inactive. He’s only there to roam and get people to do the big sleepy. He’s lacking socialisation like CRAZY.

Between Sun being basically forced to be active throughout ALL of the hours when the lights are forcibly kept on, and Moon lacking ANY positive social interactions, this is really sad, because we see the other animatronics at least still able to roam the plex when it’s active and have “down time” in their rooms (not that this seems to work out so well for Monty to be fair), but all Sun gets is the ugliest mess of a space in the world to retreat to and all Moon knows how to do anymore is punish people who he thinks ought to be sleeping. So even beyond the virus there are just layers and layers of anxiety Sun has lived with for who knows how long, and there is so much bad socialisation that Moon must be so used to by now that he basically has no identity outside of correcting what he sees as problems (aka putting people to sleep), because the on/off cycle that Freddy’s has put in place for them won’t allow them to do anything else. It’s crazy!

Then in addition to these we get so many amazing fanon takes on how they both feel about this - is it something they actively put thought into? If they communicate with each other in any way, does knowing what the other one deals with stress them out even more as two halves of a whole? Whether they’re together or separate, do they ever wish they had what the other one had, or does knowing what the other one deals with make them feel grateful that they ended up how they did? Do they work together to combat the issues they’re now facing, or is a constant battle going on inside of them? So many interesting things to think about when it comes to these guys!

[botaniqueer]

Forward: This post isn't meant judgmentally, targeted at anyone in particular or as a gotcha and I write in entirely good faith.

A question I have for white folks in particular (but also abled people, cis people, etc, but also everyone in general who votes) when engaging with electoral politics is, are you taking measures to protect the rest of us from your candidates? There's no perfect candidate for sure, but that means people will be hurt, and as voters we have a responsibility to call out and prevent harm that our candidates do; if we aren't then we're directly complicit in that harm. Are you willing to put your bodies and minds on the line to protect those who aren't going to be protected by those candidates? Because of the nature of US politics, our own candidates need to be challenged just as fiercely as if someone else got elected.

Again, I'm not against voting at all! I literally vote blue every time and in every election. I think there's strategic value in it, but we have to actually strategize, which hasn't been getting done. Are we actually engaging with why people are hesitant to vote? People use the "you're damaging your own cause!" whenever people seen as "scary leftists" participate in their actions, but it's never applies to liberal and electoral politics even though the same can be said. Trying to harp on and guilt people into voting when without engaging with why that is just damages the cause and pushes them further away. Also note that the majority of people critical of the way electoral politics are done are BIPOC; this is important to think about.

The democrats are objectively better for more people than the republicans, but there are people who are destitute to the point where those two parties are the same. Palestinians for example! Democrats also fund police measure against homeless folks as we see in the PNW, which is strongly blue. Indigenous people here are another similar group– the way indigeneity is legislated here, they're literally programmed to eventually go extinct from a legal standpoint due to the colonial law of blood quantum. Not to mention that reservations are literally, in their words, concentration camps.

Are you going to make things better for yourself and leave others to fall through the cracks? Or are you going to use that to lift everyone else up? This traditionally hasn't been the case, so if you want BIPOC voters to trust you, you have to demonstrate that you won't get attached to you candidates and hold them on a pedestal.

How are you going to assuage fears when people get anxious (and they will!) without also invalidating their fears (which is common under electoral politics votes). Can you do this without a lot of the manipulative tactics a lot of outlets use? (Blaming disaffected BIPOC for when things go wrong, using the "well the other guy is worse!" line.) Folks ask for 1000 step plans when talking about non-electoral political elements, but when engaging with electoral politics people treat it like magic, and if anyone falls through the cracks and complains, they're just being cantankerous. This is only a small percentage of the things that need to be considered.

Election season is also really retraumatizing for folks who have colonized backgrounds. Are you making sure we feel safe? Are we being thought about as real people, instead of just abstracts or as a resource to generate votes, but who are just being obstinate? (As opposed to again, real people with real motivations)

As a final note, people also comment on "Why abstain anyways when you know it's going to be bad either way?" for particularly marginalized people, and I think the answer (folks in those situations can correct me here) is that it's more cathartic to watch the people who let you slip through the cracks fall with you, than slipping through the cracks and watching those same people have brunch and pretend you and your problems don't exist. It's like being trapped in a room with only crumbs to eat while the people on the other side of the door throw a dinner party, and if you complain, yell at you saying that the other guys wouldn't even give you crumbs.

[philosophicalparadox]

Am I the only one who believes Blue Exorcist Lucifer is incredibly mechanical in his actions and especially his speech? Or do you think I'm overthrowing the ball a bit?

He's very stony-faced about a lot of it, that's for sure.

But also, I think he does it on purpose. It's much harder, after all, to take anything he says in any context besides what he says it is if there's very little inflection or expression to read into.

On the surface he seems like Amaimon, unable to really be emotive. But we DO see him emote when he thinks it's valuable to do so

It might be minimal, but he is definitely expressing himself here. I don't know how you could read that whole interaction any other way than sultry and inviting. (With a dash of intimidation for good measure).

I'd say he is plenty capable of expressing himself when he wants to. He just prefers to play a cool hand, because then it becomes nigh impossible to "misinterpret" him specifically because you have no clue what he means.

He can say one thing with a perfectly straight face, and mean the complete opposite, and you might never know. You can never know, insofar as he is concerned, because if you know the truth you'll "out" him, and that can never happen unless he specifically wants it that way.

Look. Lucifer is canonically the oldest demon on earth by chronological age (Samael is older by the collective). He's no dummy. A coward, through and through, but not stupid. Ignorant and delusional, oh yes, but he's not stupid - Samael would not consider him a worthwhile adversary otherwise.

What he is, is Narcissistic. Painfully so. He lives a life filled with lies and delusions of grandeur (not all of which is actually delusional in his specific case, but only because he is literally God). He lives behind a mask, one painstakingly crafted to make everyone else want to prop up his ego. That means he has to appear like whatever ideal whoever he is fixated on or needs something from wants to see. An honest man. A respectable person. A cool headed, logical being.

He is none of these of course and he knows it. He might not believe it, but he knows he's a liar, and therefore anyone who tells the truth, his truth, is a threat to him. (Ahem, Samael being public enemy number one in that regard). So, to safeguard his false identity, he makes himself deliberately hard to read (unless he wants to be read) so that, in the event you should disagree or see through him, he can very easily flip the script and claim he wasn't saying what you said he did, and any witness couldn't disagree, because his face didnt give any clues otherwise.

So yes, he's a bit mechanical and stony faced by default, but when he needs or wants to be he can definitely express himself in the name of manipulation.

Hope that helps. :)

[contentment-of-cats]

The post you never want to write.

We tumblrinas might not be the most orderly folk, but we know the bullshit when we see it. In some cases, being right is a vindication - chest-bump and high-five. BOOYAH! In other cases, being right is not wanting to be right, not wanting to know what you know and the occasion for a long breath, a shake of the head, and commending that energy to the universe.

For a lot of us, the first thought was for the humanity we shared with the dead. The shared blood and bone, nerve and skin, love and life. There was anger that anyone could think that spending $250k US to do this was moral or ethical. The whole eat the rich thing seemed to me to be laughing past the graveyard, so for the most part I discount it. After all, I joke about my own cancer. Yes, this seems to be the answer too neo-liberalism/libertarianism and why we have rules, regulations, and procedures. People die without them and 'corporate personhood' acts out as sociopathy.

There are always going to be some twisted assclowns who hate - nothing ever changes them, and it's a waste of my precious and measured minutes to try. Cancer clarifies one's thoughts - a Swedish death-cleaning for brainspace. The block button works as well as a dumpster bag.

We did good, tumblrinas.

Now to the shitty parts

Correction:

The US Navy detected an acoustic signature consistent with an implosion on Sunday in the general area where the Titan submersible was diving in the North Atlantic when it lost communication with its support ship, according to a senior Navy official. The Navy immediately relayed that information to the on-scene commanders leading the search effort, the official said Thursday, adding that information was used to narrow down the area of the search. But the sound of the implosion was determined to be “not definitive,” the official said, and the multinational efforts to find the submersible continued as a search and rescue effort.

Sonar did not pick up the sounds that would have indicated an implosion in the water column. Considering that the northern Atlantic is a hotbed of sonar sensors used for military, scientific, and other purposes, you'd think that they could hear a fish fart. However, the debris field is indicative of just such an event. This may mean that it was slower than a BOOM implosion, but humanity allows us to hope not. The banging sounds picked up do not appear to have had any relation to the sub, which at that point had been destroyed three days ago. That being said, there are reportedly five items of debris that allowed ROV operators to definitively identify the sub. The principal item was the nosecone - the big grey boobie-looking thing on the front.

Other items might have been the thrusters, the 'feet,' and the camera on top. It's too much to hope for the footage from the camera to be salvageable even if it did survive. at this point, I'm surprised that they didn't stick a Ring doorbell on there and call it good.

The reports indicated that the nosecone was intact. This is the part that bolted onto the fuselage to seal the passengers inside. It's also the part that meant they'd have to raise the sub if it were found intact since there was no escape hatch. There was a smaller debris field inside the new debris field that contained the tailcone. The part amidships where the passengers and pilot sat has not yet been recovered, I would guess. So, nosecone popped off, tailcone popped off, exterior attachments popped off - the main part that presumably contains the remains compressed within has not been found, though the ships and technology will remain in some number to look for it.

There is nothing that anyone could have done to stop the loss of life other than not putting it into the water in the first place. Those five people have been dead since Sunday morning, an hour and forty-five minutes into their dive, fifteen minutes from the bottom. There would have been an almighty big air bubble the sound of a beer can being crunched.

There's going to be a lot to process over the coming weeks. When the shit hits the fan, that's just one part of it. It's what happens AFTER impact that brings to light the real mess.

[craetor]

Another Death Note book, another Tumblr post of overanalyzing details within it

This is a literal reformatted Twitter thread that was collected as the book was read, so, in theory, one could just flip through the book & find the things addressed all in order. Enjoy my needlessly high IQ going to town on this damn legendary expansion pack AU spin-off novel...

This obviously contains spoilers to L Change The World

.

"I'm no good with girls" - L Lawliet, like 2004? (He probably had a real good time having Misa around)

L calls the kids of Wammy's House "letters" (*tries not to explode*)

It's verified that the orphans are entrusted with solving cases as grave as murders to prove & train themselves

Beyond Birthday is mentioned to crack his neck in LABB, which is oddly enough also a habit of Ryuk's. Shinigami urges, especially those of the rather unhinged kind

Suruga heard that L never even showed his face to Misora, meaning she kept quiet about their encounter to everyone until her very death. Which is pretty nice.

Tbh Beyond wasn't too far off about mocking L's behavior. He does tend to crawl when he's being frantic & is also a messy eater (from getting food on himself when not provided with utensils (even when he is...), to consuming excessive amounts of sweet toppings)

There's too many "god"s in DN names... ('Kagami' can be translated to 'nurse god' which is so stupid & uncreative /affectionately)

"L's back grew rounder as he sat on the sofa with his knees tucked tightly against his chest. [...] He seemed to be burdened by the weight of something very heavy that she could not see". L's slouch gets lower after Watari dies under his surveillance. Nothing new, just fantastic symbolism that I love about him.

Also how actually well L suppresses his emotions while working on cases is really outlined in this book. It gets to a point where he seems apathetic, as people who've seemingly gone through trauma reunite over tears in front of him, while minutes beforehand, he's exuded real sadness over Watari's passing. (this is not inherently negative or positive)

His reputation with the FBI really sticks to him like a tick, yet it's suppressing his humanity that gets L to do what's needed & initiate measures necessary (which earned him the ill-willed reputation of kinky bizarre murder-loving detective. Whereby I still can't quite locate the origin of the "murder-loving" part..)

"Nobody would think anything important to be in a bag of potato chips, don't you think?" Honey, first of all, how did you fit an entire notebook into a bag of potato chips without it looking like it's your 1 pound hershey's chocolate stash... Oh, and L has a pattern of emulating tricks that people have used to try and fool him

It seems that L wasn't lying when he said that he's a fan of Misa's work, though idrk what to make of that... Not everything in the half-canon is canon, kids. M went a bit too hard on that 'L is weird & creepy' at times. Until it's not even goofy and ridiculous anymore, I'm just.. concerned?

L seems fulfilled and glad when he's stressed about saving the world. Nothing like a superiority complex, just very INTJ.

L will know to evaluate people so much as to accept food from the ones trying to deceive him, if he knows they're pacifists. Having them vacuum his room & stuff, letting them think they're earning his trust. A side of him we haven't seen thus far, just thought it to be important to share.

Watari, now officially L's mentor and father figure (we knew this but i love it)

The fact that L prones to share sweets with anyone compatible to himself or whoever he wants to tempt is not just a quirky gesture of respect, but actually seems to write out, more than anything, 'let's put us on the same level here. Have this thing that indicates gross luxury within societal hierarchy while also being the thing that keeps me going on an everyday-basis'

Fem-disguise flirty L. He's enjoying the vibe & living vicariously. That's it that's the jot

And then there's page 151. And i wonder, am I needed here at all?

The "L-organization" Blue Ship made up is comically the truest hypothesis that has existed as a theory about L. After all, Wammy's House is the founding ground of 26 Ls each generation to come

Watari seems to be involved with the Wammy's kids more than initially thought. But this could also be Kujo's illusion, as having any contact with the one closest to L at all would be a big deal and in her mind more prominently

And finally, the relationship that was created between L & Light is closer to love and worship than friendship. Even best friends. L's reliance on the thought of Light even exists as comfort in heavily emotionally distressing situations. Your definitely romantically touched soulmate-other-half-comfort-human can be your best friend too is what I'm trying to say. Like, you don't have to choose. Just add it to the list.

Verdict: I assume the main point of the book is literally to clear up misunderstandings about L, hence information about him is being blatantly pointed out and aggressively reinforced around every corner. But I'm here anyways because page 151 exists for me and me only (and everybody else who's done their thing correctly before having read this thing) as a pat on the back and a hearty 'good job'. It was fun to have found a couple more hidden details along the way too though. L called Light his 'best friend' like he called Misora 'some guy in the US who told me about capoeira'

[bug-the-chicken-nug]

i know this isn't really The Point they're going for in v9 but man i wish Alyx could just be like.

Genuinely a really sweet, caring, sensitive kind of girl, with the flaws that can come with that instead: Shy, naive, a crybaby, kind of a coward, scared to hurt anyone's feelings, etc.

With the theme of her original story being that it's about learning to stand up for yourself and others, while also staying true to yourself.

Because in the context of her being a black girl (girls typically read as more "naturally" mean and aggressive) and her being in a show about girls who are all supposed to be conventionally strong and brave and good at fighting, this *does* actually loop back to being subversive, and it could be used in some genuinely interesting ways.

Mainly I'm thinking of the girls like originally discussing the story in a way that indicates their culture sees it as a "babyish" story. In the early volume, Yang and Weiss keep taking cheap shots at it all and rolling their eyes at their memories of what a boring little goody-two-shoes Alyx was, and how trite and childish it all seemed even when they were little kids themselves.

Blake tries to defend it, but they don't take her defenses too seriously, while Ruby is too moody to have much input on it either way, but Yang mentions that even Ruby mostly only liked it for the bright colors.

And then a lot more denizens turn out to remember and miss Alyx, in the case of ruder or blunter ones often straight up making commentary about how the girls don't measure up to her.

This offends the group at first, because to be fair some of these comments really are pretty fuckin uncalled for, and plus, they just don't really... Get it.

Despite Alyx hating to fight and having been written as crying and shaking the one time the events of the book forced her to, despite her not even actually *winning* that fight, almost everyone here seems to regard her as more heroic and admirable than our mains.

And Ruby is the first to truly see why: Because for all of her faults, at least Alyx was always *careful* and *considerate*. Alyx always admitted it when she needed help, and didn't try to bite off more than she could chew. Alyx was patient and diplomatic, she *listened* to people, didn't make promises she couldn't keep, and didn't even have a Semblance, but still managed to make things *better* for each character she met, not *worse*.

Meanwhile, the group has still just been causing trouble everywhere they turn up, and they're starting to realize that they can't blame *all* of this on the Afterans just being weird.

This would also end up tying in well with the troubled reaction Ruby has to getting Crescent Rose back, although I would not have Jaune have it, and only have Ruby get it back after an epiphany about how she doesn't actually *need* it to do what's right, or to have a positive impact on others, but keep her conflicted emotions on finding it again, as the weapon reminds her of her own past overconfidence and recklessness, her own belief that she could both literally and metaphorically just cut right through anyone or anything that didn't agree with her.

Also as much as a ton of people hate Jaune right now I honestly think he would've been a cool "villain" to illustrate the flipside of these messages. Like. Neo's great and all but she feels really superfluous and not exactly compelling enough to be the primary villain of the volume at this point.

I'm imagining Jaune being the same age, but the one with Penny's sword now, physically unable to let go of it, in some sort of daze of grief and self-loathing that's being further amplified by some aspect of the Ever After.

He is driven chiefly by a belief by if he'd only been "stronger", everything would've been better.

And in a twisted way, he gets his wish.

It turns out his Semblance can actually resonate with and empower a lingering "imprint" of Aura in Penny's sword to both make it stronger and to give him a sort of bastardized shadow of the Winter Maiden powers.

(Winter still has the "real" version, this is like explicitly a twisted, harmful bootleg version that would also be animated differently from any other usage of Maiden abilities.)

Using it harms him as well, and it's noted that Jaune seriously might eventually freeze himself to death just by continuing to hold on to the sword. His presence is also always preceded by a sudden chill.

Ruby quickly realizes and begins to have a crisis over the implication of Jaune being able to tap into a lingering fragment of Penny's Aura.

Namely, does that mean Penny is in some way... *actually still there?* And potentially *suffering*?

You could use the blacksmith lady to like foreshadow and then kinda explain how all of this is even a thing, so it's less confusing.

And then we get an actual answer to this question! 'Cause the big climax of the volume is now Jaune smacking the group around, they just barely get the upper hand again, and then Jaune uses the last of his strength, shifts the sword into MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE, everything looks Real Bad, but then...

The sword just... Explodes?

And out comes Penny's glowy green Aura ghost, who Jaune inadvertantly powered up enough for her to materialize herself, and whose first order of business is to turn around and briefly apologize before slapping the shit out of Jaune... Which goes right through him physically, but DOES seem to be able to immediately exorcize whatever horseshit was corrupting him.

Her second order of business is to be like "FINALLY! NOW maybe you'll LISTEN to me, Jaune!"

While Ruby is just standing there gaping like "A."

Before anyone (including the audience) can get their hopes up, Penny quickly explains that this is likely only a temporary affair brought about by how much Jaune has strengthened her, and that she can "already feel herself fading", but then smiles and adds on that she's super excited to see Ruby (likely followed by trying and failing to tackle-hug her because that just makes Penny fly straight through her)

Ruby, still, except this time she's clearly tearing up: "A,,,"

Followed by a conversation where Ruby gets closure and Jaune comes clean, but then Ruby confesses that honestly, even with Penny trying to tell her that she asked to be sacrificed and that Ruby should forgive Jaune... Ruby can't. At least not yet.

Ruby ruefully adds "No wonder nobody here really likes me..." to that, to which Penny immediately replies

"But *I* like you!"

And Ruby just scoffs and goes "Do you? Even though your death is my fault too?"

And Penny just sadly replies "Of course. Do you really have so little faith in me?", which kinda gets to Ruby, as it reminds her that her funk is negatively affecting others too. And that in a way, insisting that she's the worst person in the world is still a form of self-centeredness, just as it was to believe that she had all the answers.

She's silent until Penny begins noticeably fading away and dissolving into particles of light, which has Ruby going "Wait! Don't go! Jaune! Jaune, do something!"

But Jaune is of course Spent As Fuck and also probably has lowkey been struggling to stay conscious through this whole conversation, so they have no choice but to make this quick.

Penny gives Ruby one last fond, sorrowful look and says "I'm sorry not everything can go like it does in this story, Ruby. But you? You're still *writing* your story. And I for one can't wait to see how it ends! "

"You're not going to, though! You're never going to, because you-because you're-"

"Once again, Ruby: Do you really have so little faith in me?" Penny says with a teasing grin, before disappearing completely.

Aaand thats a wrap.

Yes it's weird and kind of cheesy, but your honor, my defense is that this whole show is weird and kind of cheesy.

[raz-writes-the-thing]

Oooh I've never done one of these before I'm really curious who you'll match me up with actually

1. I read, and finished, the Pokémon Essential Handbook as my for-fun reading in like Grade 2. I was 6. I couldn't memorize my times tables for the life of me, but I can still tell you interesting Pokémon dex entries.

2. I have four siblings, and I have been described by my parents as the image of the oldest child/sister. They think I'm incredibly cool and will take a interest in anything I talk to them about. (The secret is to listen to them when they are talking to you and ask questions, even if it's ridiculous. They appreciate it a lot.)

3. I have been told basically my entire life that I'm very good at writing, and I literally created an entire universe of my own characters during elementary school, but I still don't entirely believe it. I think I might just be putting a lot more consideration into it than most people tend to.

Case in point, it took me like forty minutes to write this and feel confident enough in it to send it lol. I hope this is good, I wanted them to be random but still indicative of my personality.

Just as an FYI, this: (The secret is to listen to them when they are talking to you and ask questions, even if it's ridiculous. They appreciate it a lot.) - this is the secret to having a conversation with anyone. I swear to God, no one does this anymore and it's one of the reasons I find it so hard to make friends. I can't be doing this shit single-sided lmao but that's beside the point. Just a sensitive topic HAHA

ANYWAY, I would pair you with... Castiel from Supernatural

Castiel has no idea about a lot of human things (being an Angel in heaven for thousands of years means he's not super up-to-date on a lot) but he's eager to learn. He's an incredibly good listener and he also retains like, every factoid you ever tell him. It's great for when you forget that thing or that one specific measurement in the recipe.

[aotopmha]

So, about 15-16ish hours in, and I think the FFXVI story is really good. Not perfect by any means, but really good.

(Spoilers.)

I'm at the start of the second timeskip.

I absolutely at least get Yoshi-P's comments on diversity in the game and the decisions they made around this now.

Slavery is almost as literally as it can possibly be front and centre thematically (to the point where I think it can be a little too heavy-handed), but I can at least say limiting the amount of PoC in case of this topic is much, much more understandable than any other because, well, slavery is such a sensitive topic, especially related to PoC characters. Some of this content could look really bad even with PoC put in unrelated positions.

Another thing, though, is that there are two major PoC characters in the game, Cid and Kupka, and Cid especially, is a fantastic character (so far probably my favourite character in the game). So I think they could have introduced more without automatically inviting that baggage.

What seems wierd about this topic being brought up in reviews, though, is that there seems to be a "measure" of PoC representation not being "black enough" and the PoC we have in this game are all Middle East-coded.

That has always bothered me with this kind of discussion – only the "most black" characters "count", when for example, Indian, Latino and middle eastern people are just as much PoCs than "more black" nationalities that supposedly "vary less". I know the subtext is that sometimes it's code for just making PoC characters "tanned" and "not actually PoC", but with all of the promo art, I really think this game simply decided to keep its representation to the Middle East and I think that's not in itself bad.

It's not ideal, but all of this tells me that the limitations at least came from a good place, not a place of hate or bad faith. It's all super flawed goodwill (and probably fear of a PR disaster).

There is a number of issues any of the possible approaches can bring here and there is even an option of just not making a story so intensely focused on the theme of slavery.

But I at least "get it".

All of this said, at this point, Clive and Cid truly have been the highlight characters of the story for me and the story's twists and turns are exciting and compelling.

The pacing is straight-up *perfect* so far.

But I also think Jill definitely deserves much more character focus.

And Benedikta definitely deserved much more time to begin with.

There is absolutely still more time for Jill, but this unfortunately seems to be it for Benedikta (and has seemed to be the case for a while at that).

So the story still has issues when it comes to writing women, too. What we have is good/interesting enough, but the guys, as said, particularly Clive and Cid, get more depth and time than anyone else.

And as much as I loved Cid, he is also dead now.

Part of the story is also that all of the Dominants will probably die one way or another, so if this extends to all, Clive, Kupka, Barnabas and Dion all should go under this, too, at least making it more equal-opportunity.

(Something tells me unfortunately only Clive, at best Clive and Jill, might make it out of this, though, as dark fantasy tends to work.)

So in general, so far, I think the story is great for what it does right, but what it does wrong is pretty old and unfortunately very typical.

But the game absolutely also is a labour of love.

Aside from the major characters, for example, you immediately care for many of even the most minor characters.

The bigger boss encounters are absolute marvels of narrative gameplay.

And the music and voice performances (which also extend to side quests) are incredible enhancers of all of this.

How these elements add up by the end is the bigger question here: I've heard the last third kind of slows down, but potential pacing and plot issues aside, more than anything, I hope all of the characters get complete, satisfying stories because to me this was the strongest element of the narrative in the demo and up to this point has been the strongest point of the story in the full game.

[sterdas-blog]

Retroactive Jealousy!

I think it's very important to remember to be kind to yourself. My thoughts, behaviors, or struggles don't mean that I'm a bad person or inferior. Knowing them and actively trying to work on them are actually the signs of someone who is incredibly brave, forward-thinking, self-loving at its core, and high-value ;) I don't judge nor question myself but instead am kind and understanding.

Ironically and funnily enough, I'm really not bothered by any specific ex-lovers in my partner's past at all. I'm not bothered by my partner's sexual past; what I'm really afraid of is what it represents.

They're representations of my own insecurities.

I'm insecure about my performance and her enjoyment and satisfaction: I'm a bit insecure about my inexperience, however: Experience doesn't mean that either person was any good, it's more or less just a number. And likewise, inexperience doesn't mean that I'm not good or that Cat doesn't enjoy being with me sexually either. (She's openly expressed her enjoyment with me and told me out of the blue that I am good.) About my partner's enjoyment and satisfaction: if she says it, I should believe her. (that's just how she is v.v) It doesn't make sense to compare also, because it's just different and pretty much impossible to do.

A little article that's relevant:

But on the other hand, when it comes to measuring sexual satisfaction within a heterosexual relationship, there is so much more than exclusively the orgasm.

This goes for both sexes, both men and women.

Pleasure comes in different forms and on different levels. Being intimate with your partner, enjoying their company, enjoying their body, finding satisfaction in the connection, and enjoying giving just as much as receiving can be just as satisfactory without an orgasm.

On both a physiological level and a psychological and emotional level, the arousal, the stimulation, and the process of getting there can be in some cases more and better than the relief provided by the orgasm. The pleasure is not limited to the genitalia and the touch, it involves all other senses, the sight, the smell, the sounds, and the taste of the other. These are proven to start to release the feel-good hormones even before the touch comes on. This is how foreplay doesn’t definitely need even physical presence and how some well-placed words can already be a huge turn-on, and this is how women can orgasm even without being touched.

Less is sometimes more. Not digging deep into the different orgasm types that women can experience, from very mild to mindblowing, sometimes one single orgasm is all that is needed. It can be so earth-shattering that going for another one seems impossible at best or torture at worst anyway.

I was writing before about a perfect one-night stand, with incredible chemistry and unexpected connectedness. The smell, the taste, the touch, everything was just magical. We shared a cosmic experience, in a way neither of us experienced before, leaving us breathless, craving for more and more, not sleeping at all — that would have been just impossible. What? Should I miss a second of touching him and feeling him on me and in me? No way!

I left out one tiny detail. We made love three times which lasted 6 hours. He had one orgasm. And I had none. I left this out because it was unimportant. There was an orgasm gap. One to zero. I left it out because what we had was more than an orgasm competition. It was better and more than anything I have ever experienced with anyone. Would I have wanted an orgasm? Maybe. I’m not sure it would have been better by that.

Final word:

For me, the formula for good sex:

mutual pleasure (not orgasm but pleasure),

connection on some (or more) level,

and being present together.

The increasing number of female orgasms can start to close the orgasm gap, but just the quantity itself is not compensating for quality, chemistry, or connection.

And I, personally, would go for quality, chemistry, and connection over quantity anytime, without a second thought.

Using orgasm count as a measure of enjoyment is stupid because there's so much more to sex than just that (for women a bit more than for men. It doesn't matter that much for me already, so I can probably imagine how my female partners would feel about it), the mutual pleasure, the connection, the presence, the dynamic,... and more are so much more important, arousing, and amazing). It also is incredibly cringe and a hallmark sign of insecurity to focus so much on orgasm count and use it as validation. It makes the sex pretty terrible and shows disrespect for both parties and low self-esteem/self-confidence. I know also that I'm pretty amazing already(not to toot my own horn here hehe); the lack of self-confidence and fitness gets in the way a bit sometimes though :c. But that being said, I know that I'm a great lover, and as I continue to work on myself, I know that there's absolutely nothing I should be worried about hehe.

I'm afraid of losing her: It's a blow from my self-esteem and confidence issues. My conscious mind knows that she loves and cares for me, that she won't sleep with anyone else, that she won't get into a relationship with anyone else,... It's my subconscious mind and my insecurities that attack me. The fear of her not being satisfied sexually and us breaking up for it is just another way those feelings manifest and get to me. I know now where they come from, and I'm doing my best to counter them ;)

Coping/moving forward:

I care so much about my performance because of what sex means to me, and the stakes it carries: I'm not doing my partner a service here:( It's mainly me using sex and using my partner as a way to regulate my emotions and issues, and that's not nice. Ironically enough, worrying so much about performance is actually what diminishes it and makes sex less enjoyable. Caring for myself and my own sexual satisfaction, and taking away the pressure, stress, and tense-ness, actually points directly to the formula of great sex - mutual pleasure, connection, and being present.

Stop Believing the Stories Created by Your Mind:The sex my partner had in the past wasn't some crazy extravaganza, but more just plain (and most likely had its fair share of problems and insecurities from what I could deduct). Comparing is stupid of course cause it's just different, but if it had to be done, then I would say it was probably more or less the same-ish. Run-of-the-mill. However, that was the me of the past that didn't know better, but now it's different hehe. The sex that me and my partner would have in the future, however, that's a different story ;) I know also that I'm pretty amazing already(not to toot my own horn here hehe); the lack of self-confidence and fitness gets in the way a bit sometimes though :c. But that being said, I know that I'm a great lover, and as I continue to work on myself, I know that there's absolutely nothing I should be worried about hehe.

Be in the moment and remind myself of who Cat wants right now: Does she still think about him now? No. Did she get on better with him than you? No. Would she rather be with him than you? No. Your partner, right now, probably has no interest whatsoever in these ex-lovers, and wouldn’t want to be anywhere else right now than here with you.