#also just puts anxiety into my brain bc its so 'late'

[nalver]

i think i should be moved to iceland for every winter here. just so i can keep my sanity through long days. and then maybe go insane from the endless days. but at least my brain will stop being overridden by the instict to go home as soon as it hits 4pm and it gets dark

[pink-lemonadefairy]

🌻 ₊˚⊹ ࿔ 🌳

[unhinged-ghoste]

I really love talking about my cats so I wanna share my cats with you (pics included)

This is Toast. I got her first. Her birthday is April something, like 7th-17th. She's my most photogenic baby. She's very lazy and fat. We think she's part ragdoll bc you can literally just fling her around and she's like "ok". I adopted her out of sheer anxiety bc I went to the pound alone and picked the first kitten I saw and was like "this is the one simply bc I'm anxious and I wanna go home." Her original name was Athena but I didn't want that name so I named her Toast bc the top of her head looked like toast. Also she has cat herpes.

This is Whisper. He has anxiety like me. My bf picked him out at a different shelter. My bf clearly has a thing for creatures riddled with anxiety. We call him Boy a lot bc he's our only boy cat. His original name was Lennon but who tf has a cat named Lennon so we named him Whisper bc he was quiet as a mouse when we first got him. This has since changed. He is the loudest mf I've ever experienced. He screams when he forgets where you are. He screams when he's hungry. He screams when he's bored. He would open doors if the knobs weren't spherical. He used to SH??? But he's stopped finally. He can speak English slightly but only the word Hello. His breath smells like ass and he needs constant attention or he'll cry. He's the same weight as every cat else but his bones are so heavy bc when he steps on you its like blunt knives are being attemptedly driven into you.

This is Fart. Yes, Fart. Her full legal name is fartsoundeffect.mp3. She's my meme cat, I have so many funny pictures of her. Her original name was Roxanne but she is very deserving of the name Fart. She loves concrete time and her wet food deeply. She is a War Criminal and has been convicted of at least 72 felonies. She was thrown out of a car window as a baby and because of that, she only has 1 brain cell and it is full of Rage. Here is some things wrong with her:

* Rage. Anger. Spite.

* liquid shit

* Insanity

Here are some crimes she has committed:

* Shit on me while I was in bed twice

* shit in my mom's home office, her bathroom, her living room, and behind the stairs in the stairwell

* ripped my dad's, my bfs, and my arm open

* pissed on multiple bathroom rugs multiple times

* dug a hole in the litter box, aim properly, then completely missed and peed all over the floor. In front of me.

* farted in front of house guests, my late grandma's physical therapy nurses, home health nurses, and a church pastor.

* Vomit logs onto the floor

I have taken her and her poop in a Tupperware container to the vet to analyze it to see if it was a bacterial infection or anything wrong with her in that way, and she's perfectly healthy apparently. We've switched food brands 28 times and she's still like this. So. Yeah. I would however go back and choose her again bc I truly believe no one would put up with her other than me.

Anyways thanks for reading ab my disabled cats I'd love to learn and read ab your cats.

[etherealspacejelly]

Hey dad, sorry to bother again

But it’s getting late and I really need to pack for a school trip tmr but I can’t bc the task seems to big/overwhelming and I’m also mad at other stuff.

Any tips on how I can get going? (I’ve tried all my usual tricks)

Thanks :)

so sorry i missed this, i think i was in bed by the time you sent it. hopefully you managed to get it done

some stuff that may help for next time:

break the task down into smaller steps. start with the easiest one, not necessarily the one that 'should' be done first

make a list of everything you need to pack for overnight trips and keep it. i have mine in the notes app on my phone. that way you wont have as much anxiety about forgetting things, because you can check the list as many times as you need to, and you know that everything you might need is already on the list.

set a timer for however long you think you could reasonably do the thing for. 20 minutes? 15 minutes? even 10 minutes. then just do the thing until the timer runs out. you'd be surprised how much you can get done in such a short length of time, which helps the task to feel less daunting. if you have time blindness it can feel like a task will take an hour to complete, when it actually only takes you 15 minutes. setting the timer and being like 'im only gonna do this for 15 minutes and then take a break' helps your brain to not get overwhelmed by how long it Thinks the task is gonna take. you might be done or almost done by the time the timer goes off, but if not you can choose to either take the break or keep going if you feel able to. sometimes once you get started its easier to keep going!

put music on while you do it. or a podcast if you're into those. sometimes you just need a bit of extra stimulation to kick your brain into gear, and it makes it less boring

if its literally just. Standing Up thats the hard part. put everything down, turn your phone off, and just sit there for a moment. breathe in for 8 seconds, hold your breath for 4, then breathe out for 8. repeat this a few times. try wiggling your fingers and toes. remind yourself that you are in control of your body. and when you're ready, stand up!

[thegreatclowncat]

ewwww i didnt realize it, but recently i had to unpack a lot of what i would call environmentally-transferred doomsday theology/apocalypticism. I remember being pulled aside as a kid, shown revelation, and being told that this will happen soon, so don't do kid things and focus on spending all of my time fixing my relationship with God. I cried bc i didnt like it, and ignored what they said.

Cut to the last five years. I kept having weird dreams about the societal collapse (which isnt the apocalypse, it's happened before) that had details which actually predicted decent chunks of my life over the next few years, which caused me to fear them, and every time i would walk outside of my room i would hear some video from some "youtube prophet" playing saying "get ready for the next few years" "this sign shows that something bad is going to happen" and i would always ask "HAS THIS PERSON EVER BEEN RIGHT IN thE LAST TEN YEARS???? WHY ArE YOU WATCHING THAT"

i logically did not believe any of this stuff without specific and reasonable justification (couldnt find any of that lol), but the sheer exposure of it over my lifetime wormed its way into my brain. i found myself having thoughts like, "I lost the last three years of my life, what if I am never able to dance?" and "If i only have a decade left to live, im not going to spend it doing freaking computer science" [<- the only good thing to come out of this btw, stopped me from digging myself into more graves (classes) instead of finding a career I want to pursue that will be worthwhile]

but my gosh, i can't believe i actually started believing that. it wasnt conscious. i was always prone to anxiety and hopelessness, and maybe THAT was just using this exposure to fuel its flame. but I had to get rid of it. for the first time in a few years, I felt like I didnt have to rush. yes, i need to get on with my life and get back to dancing, i do not have infinite time, but i dont need to freak out that I am losing every single day being inside doing nothing. I can enjoy my life. I felt the desire to look for a career path, something to invest a few years of preparation into without feeling like it was taking away precious time.

side note, i did also always put weird time limits on things. all the pro dancers are around my age, and i always felt so behind bc i started late and was sick for a while, and i imagined i could probably only dance until im 40, but really if i keep extra good care of my body, i can probably keep going for longer. would i want to by then? who knows, my interests may have changed.

[unicornachos]

personal post!

hey hi I’m alive sorry for abandoning my blog for like 1.5 yrs??? I had a bunch of health issues and mental health stuff too :’) 

Like very full on... god what HASN’T happened. 

My body had a weird reaction to the covid vaccines in 2021? I ended up in hospital etc and was sick with mystery fatigue and shit for months and months.... I think I went to hospital like 4-5 throughout 2021? My body seems fine with the MRNA boosters I’ve gotten so maybe something in my body just hated the astrazeneca vaccine?? I’m kinda bitter about it bc of the ambulance bills I had to pay, but still, thank god for vaccines amirite

then, the apartment I was living in and loved got bought by someone who then wanted to move in, so I had to leave the place I loved living to somewhere still nice but way more expenno, and my health issues kinda continued?

then I started a new job

then my mental health got REALLY bad over the 2021/2022 christmas period to the point where I had to call an ambulance for myself bc my mind was in such a bad place. 

Then I started taking SSRI’s for depression/anxiety, but I had this weird reaction to the drugs and we think I had serotonin syndrome because of its interaction with the asthma meds I’ve been taking all my life? But at the time no doctors would listen to me and basically gaslit me into thinking all the pain was just a physical manifestation of my anxiety. Anyway, it caused some of the most horrific pain i’ve ever experienced in my life, in particular nerve and muscle pain in my legs, and I had to shower sitting down for weeks, couldn’t walk much around the house, and needed super strong meds to knock me out so I could sleep. 

I slowly healed and could walk again and do normal stuff for me around... late April?

While I was recovering I stayed with my mum but still paying rent in Sydney bc all my shit was there, so in June I killed my lease, put most of my shit into storage with a friend’s parent’s mini warehouse they use for their business (absolute legends and wholesome humans and I sent them money every month lol) and moved back home.

I started studying a certificate level course I’d been wanting to get over and done with for ages, so at the end of June I started studying.

Then once again mental health got bad, I tried SSRIs again, thinking it was me who was the problem last time I took them. BUT ACTUALLY, NO. Same physical reaction to the meds as last time, if not worse. It wasn’t my brain making shit up, it was an actual fucking drug interaction issue that ppl had tried to tell me was my anxiety and/or imagination!!! Queue horrific pain, weird symptoms, and once again the inability to walk or clean or work from anywhere but the couch.

Dr and I decided any meds that effect my serotonin levels are a no-go probably forever, and so I’ve been looking into CBD oil over the past few months to see if that will work for things instead.

Now I’m about... 2 months from that reaction, and started CBD oil 2 weeks ago (no reaction, side effects, or really anything yet) and can work at my desk as long as I have a big ass XL foot rest under my legs to keep them propped up, because I get nerve pain if I sit normally :’) I still can’t really go anywhere or walk anywhere other than around the house and for super short periods of time.

Also I powered through and finished my course just last week, so that’s out of the way at least! 

Other than that, I’ve just been like. Sleeping, reading, watching shows, napping, sleeping more, trying to eat well.... my job is a bitch but I’m trying rly hard to skill up so I can do more of what I’m interested in! I kind of don’t have energy for much else at the moment??

I have no idea if I’ll post again as regularly as I did a few years back, but I love Tumblr and I always feel glad coming back here and spending time in this place for a bit. These days I mainly only post stuff on my locked private twitter lol. But I have always preferred Tumblr’s longer format and vibes hehe.

ANyway that’s all for now! I hope anyone reading this has been doing ok. These past few years have been fucking tough and if all you have energy for is working and sleeping... you’re valid, dude. 

And if you plan to take SSRIs for your mental health, just be wary of serotonin syndrome!!!! Not enough ppl talk about it and a lot of doctors seem to have no idea it exists or also know little about it, but there are lots of cases of it in settings where ppl have been taking other meds and been given SSRIs! I’m not saying don’t take meds if you need them, but just reaaaallllyyy do your research first if you can about adverse reactions and interactions :’)

[dopaminergicaddictions]

3/7/24

11:38 p.m-updated

The sad thing is, last night with no weed usage. I was trying to sleep and I heard, "hello" in my ear... it sounded like the hearing test I took in January. I heard another word like that a few weeks after my hearing test. Just one.

I've been hearing a few weird things at night such as Bart Simpson's voice. Or something once or twice before I fall asleep...

So Mexican, Michelle and Gabapetin could all just be similar experiences to that, but it's not worth it....

I did get a call from that psychiatrist my old countertransference therapist referred me to. After leaving a detailed message about Xanax and wanting to switch to a similar dosage of estrazolam. I woke up so late to get my 7 hours that I didn't have the time to call them back.

Unfortunately 5 a.m is 12 hours of being awake. My circadian rhythm is between 6:30-8:30 a.m..... I'm taking a higher dose at 6 a.m to put myself right in that 8:30 range at maximum effectiveness and I might just use antihistamines too.

I hope the psychiatrist will give me estrazolam or something better for sleep... it's a small ray of hope.

I hope I didn't damage my brain too much from the weed I smoked today... in 3-5 days as an Infrequent user, it will be out of my system.

It's just not worth it. I'll update this when I talk to the psychiatrist and keep track of my mental pictures and the auditory hallucination.

The new words scare me bc its been like an autobot of, "Happy birthday," "I have a birthday present for Deadname Blanchette," "successful right now," "Nathan," "Deadname," and "the bussycunt feels bad for deadname or Nathan," or "the depressing part is," and thats about the extent of its speech minus a few random occurrences prior to the weed.

What I didn't like was those random occurrences are never the same voice, it sounds like a different voice and is one word.

Where as on the weed, the random hallucinations sounded like my voice auditory hallucination. Which sounds like a girl and has a very distinct recognizable voice. I can't risk it. I don't think I did too much damage I did excessively hit it as to assess for anxiety. I wanted to assess early in the day if the hallucination changed, if I hallucinated more, how I felt. I didn't count my hits but it ranged between 10-20... all I know is I wanted to test it early to really hear and feel the difference and I wanted to know if I panicked or had anxiety from the dangers of starting to smoke again and also just from the thc as it can cause anxiety.

Either way I won't do it again. I hope the psychiatrist comes through for me. I hope I didn't do too much damage to my brain.

I cleaned out my weed box, I threw away my capsules and my dumped all my tinctures. All I have left is vapes. I'll either smoke if I ever recover or I guess I'll throw them out..

I have a cbd tincture and I might go buy a cbd vape at the cbd store. It's made from hemp so it has like .3 % thc in it. Which is significantly less than what I smoked today... I need something else to smoke or vape. I smoke cigarettes like a chimney. I barely eat cause of my diet and I replaced weed with cigarettes. I'm debating the cbd vape bc of the small amount of thc in it. I might go to a local store and get a couple so I can have something else and slow down on my cigarettes.

I smoked over 400 cigarettes in 1 month.... 2 whole cartons...

[rrxnjun]

IM SORRY FOR ANSWERING SO SUPER LATE LIFE GOT SO HECTIC ALL OF THE SUDDEN☹️

STILL WITH THE TAKE THE STAIRS FIC U GAVE ME LIFE WITH IT ACTUALLY IT WAS SO NICE TO JUST TURN MY BRAIN OFF AND READ IT SO I THANK U FOR IT!! and like actually need a jaemin in my life istg!! AND THE SAME GOES FOR THE TEASER OF UR NEW CHENLE FIC!!! IT ALREADY SEEMS SO FUN!! SO EXCITED ABOUT IT!!! 🥳🤭

I AGREE I WOULD ALSO RATHER JUST GOOGLE THE END OF THE SHOW!!

AHH I HOPE U FOUND SOME ARTISTS SINCE THEN!!! AND THANK U SO MUCH FOR TAKING TIME OUT OF UR DAY AND TRANSLATING FOR ME!! IM SURE U ARE VERY BUSY AS WELL SO THANK U SO MUCH I REALLY APPRECIATE IT!!!!🥹🥹💝💓 and my god the lyrics are so☹️☹️☹️ it's just such a great song and now it even got so much better with understanding it!!!🥲

WELL IF IT DOES HAPPEN I WILL BE HERE XD parents smh /j (but like actually i understand them cuz traveling alone can be risky☹️) thank u i hope we will figure something out if it does happen🥹🥹

IM GLAD THAT U ARE DONE WITH ONE OF UR ESSAYS ALREADY!! AND I HOPE SINCE MY LAST ASK U STILL ARE DOING GOOD WITH UR SCHOOL WORK AND STUFF🥳

I LOVE UR POSTS THERE LMAO SO DONT BE SORRY and ofc i agree!!! zach was my fav from the why dont we boys🤭 OH MY I HAVENT HEARD ABOUT THE VAMPS IN AGES damn now i'm gonna go and listen to them😵‍💫(also saw that u turned into a treasure stan🫣 and ur take on jikjin!! it's such a great song glad u listened to it!!!)

(liebestraum anon💕 and sorry if i disappear again and for writing a lot i swear i will try and keep it short for once☹️)

AHH ITS TOTALLY OKAY!!!! cant say i didnt miss you but i ofc understand that u have your own life and responsibilities and such,, so dont worry about it🤍🤍 AND THANK U SM AGAIN!!!

DJDJSJ MY CHENLE FIC IS FUN BUT THEN IT GETS DEPRESSING REAL QUICK SO UHHH HOPE YOU'RE READY FOR SOME ANGST ;-; (also i started rewriting liebestraum. just thought i'd let you know<3)

im super glad u enjoyed my translation!! the lyrics are really screamable in my opinion,,, and i also hope i did them justice however i bet i did a better job than all of the ones i saw online :p its not the best artistic lyricism but i like it nonetheless DJSK sometimes u need simple songs to jam to.

travelling alone COULD be risky </3 me and my uni friends randomly travelled to vienna last week because it was warm out and we thought our seasonal depression was finally over and i love me some spontaneous decisions but also it was so anxiety inducing bc it was my first time going abroad with no supervision 😭😭 we had SO much fun but also the stress we were put through to find the bus platform back home ??? never again. was so bad that i broke my 5 month streak of not smoking bc i had to calm myself down somehow and then i was put through the stress of buying cigarettes in german when i caNT SPEAK GOOD GERMAN but 10/10 i would do it again and it made me more confident abt travelling with friends so i WILL drag my equally spontaneous uni friends to budapest as soon as i can. (please tell me they speak at least a little english there)

I AM ACTUALLY DONE W 4 ESSAYS NOW WHOOP WHOOP ‼‼‼ 4 MORE TO GO BUT IM DOING WELL NO STRESS SO FAR. HOPE YOUR SCHOOL IS GOING WELL TOO!

wait do u rlly bc i think im so annoying on there sometimes like girl chill😭😭 but ZACH WAS ALWAYS MY FAV TOO altho i did have a daniel phase. I havent listened to the vamps in ages either i should catch up or sum ;-;

omg dont mention the teumefication of bar i wont admit it to myself yet DHSKSK however jikjin is now my fav song and i fear seeing my 2023 spotify wrapped bc of it now. ive also been watching a concerning amount of treasure map and finding myself in love with jihoon but thats...not important rn.

ill be waiting for u liebestraum anon!!! dw abt sending long asks i always look forward to them🤍 hope your days are filled with joy mwah

[asfdhgsdkjhgb]

just realized this weekend is gonna be FULL of anxiety lmao today im trying to socialize with someone (which is hard enough in person but on instagram? oof) AND tomorrow im gonna come out as nb on my instagram story and im gonna have to deal with all that

[beaversatemygrandma]

Ya know. I’ve been thinking about getting my ears re-pierced. I’ve always been terrified of the idea since when i was eight and i got them pierced, they weren’t properly taken care of. (I was 8. It was done at Claire’s. My dad took me. My mom had no say and literally didn’t help me keep them treated. I was 8.) And then when i got down to one earring bc one got Fucked Up. My mom gave me these old sterling studs that were HEAVY. Like. So heavy, the scar is nearly split through my lobe.

We passed by a tattoo and piercing place out of curiosity today and the lady there said it would actually be simple to do it even with that strange scar. Also to never get heavy earrings again bc i might have weak lobes or some shit. And they’re only like $25-40 there. I took down the number and I’m likely going to think about that one even tho she also said “Don’t think. Just Do.” which was either a sales pitch or genuine life advice which i very much needed. I didn’t take the advice bc I forgot to take my meds today and i don’t want to be a problem.

[forgetful-river]

Oh. I like writing Arajade with a lot of bantering back and forth because they both read as autistic to me.

Its about being able to trust each other so much that you can let the mask slip and say the smarmy/blunt thing and know that your partner has learned your mannerisms and communication style enough to read it as the playful banter it is and volley back. Jade's masking seems a lot more ingrained bc, ya know, Alternia was much more encouraging of antisocial behavior than human society, but I think you see it slip with Karkat to some extent for other reasons (he's just really good at making people loosen up bc it's like talking to an 11yr old emo when you've reached adulthood, you're able to easily see through the posturing and it puts you at ease. You know they're not actually dangerous bc real, actual dangerous people aren't this loud about it because that's a shit method of reeling in victims) (also he's such a funny little dude. Like how is it this easy to get you in a tizzy???? He makes it so fun to poke him). She's able to be less selfless and aggressively accommodating with Aradia because she can trust Ara to not think badly of her if she's selfish and asks for things from time to time. It's about trusting the other person to still love you if you let your less convenient/meaner personality traits show. It's about letting go of anxiety, not having to worry if you're nice enough or doing enough or saying the expected things.

I always kinda read Aradia's cheerfulness as not exactly fake, but more like an exaggerated version of herself that she slipped into after being freed from her induced depression (being a ghost & robot) as a response/assurance to herself that she doesn't have to live like that anymore, like being able to be that cheerful is very tangible proof that she can actually feel emotions again. Also Aradia being autistic feels really obvious. Like. Look at how absolutely unphased she is by everyone getting weirded out by her love of death and funerals. She's not even registering that everyone else is uncomfy, she's too busy talking ab her special interest. So her being able to relax so much around Jade that she unconsciously unmasks around her is just asjgqjksgakslhdgwjadggal. That's the fuckin dream. They're autistic 4 autistic your honor!!!

Anyway. I'm so sorry I've had Rosemary on the brain lately bc I've been working on a comic with them on and off for a month or two, once I finally finish it you'll get more of your regularly scheduled Arajade content! Also finals have been kicking my ass because of course they have. College can never be easy, even if I'm getting a fine arts degree.

[monsterkissed]

😈 🎶 💖 ✅ ✨ :)

😈 Has there been a point in a story where you did something just to be playfully mean to your readers?

mmmmmmmmyes and no! i write a lot of mean stuff but i find that you can't really be Truly mean without having the exact nature of the meanness be intertwined with the story and characters. so there is always a method to the meanness that i hope stands alone on its own merit as part of the story!

this does not apply to jokes and offhand lines meant to breeze by on the first read and be utterly infuriating on a reread with the added context of what they are actually referring to. those are deliberate attempts to cause harm and suffering to anyone who enjoyed it enough the first time to come back and those people deserve exactly what they get : )

🎶 Do you listen to music while you write? What song have you been playing on loop lately?

i do have a writing playlist that is mostly instrumentals but these days i tend to put on tv shows or movies that i have already seen before that can blend into the background. horror movies and star trek are the faves but one time i did have a marathon session whose length i did not grasp until i realised i had watched twelve angry men three times back to back

💖 What made you start writing?

i have just always been a prolific reader and i think there are only so many books you can read before the brain starts trying to make its own. the earliest story i can remember making is a lion king fanfic i recorded onto a cassette, which i probably remember largely bc my dad found it and played it to friends and family members to laugh at me over, which probably goes some way to explaining my Anxieties about my work also

✅ What's something that appears in your fics over and over and over again, even if you don't mean to?

i think i spend an amount of time rambling about the construction of the Self that, were i not already confirmed trans and autistic, would raise some pointed questions. while i was watching my white noise trek the other day i thought "maybe i should write more trek fic" and without missing a beat my brain instantly jumped to "do you think vulcans mind melding experience an internalisation of their own projection of themselves viewed through the other and if so could you ever recover from that with a sense your own ego intact?" and some less embarrassing person might have instead jumped to idk, something less patently insufferable

✨ Give you and your writing a compliment. Go on now. You know you deserve it. 😉

sometimes i write a line that is just straight up so sick i don't know how i did it but it's happened too often to be random accident at this point so maybe i'm just kinda good at this a bit?

[marinetteplztakeabreak]

I need to share soft sign language buddies ninogami headcanon because they’re taking over my brain always:

(This got so long, so youre welcome if youre also starved for ninogami content)

Nino’s mom is Deaf , so he grew up signing as much as speaking. When he was younger he always signed as he talked.

It turned out he’s also Hard of Hearing, so sign language is way easier for him to understand most of the time.

However, though he’s great at making friends, he’s very awkward when it comes to talking about himself. So never comes up in conversation.

It’s not a self-deprication issue. It’s just a “thinking of things to say is hard and I’d rather have someone else do the talking” thing. He’d rather talk about anyone except himself.

Additionally! He’s great at helping other people, but he’s terrible at asking for help. He does not EVER want to be like “hey i cant understand what you’re saying, my ears dont work great,” its his worst nightmare

And it doesnt help that there have been a few cases of people being rude about it when he doesnt hear them after they repeat themselves. And possibly worse, there have been even more cases of people giving over-the-top apologies instead of just,, telling him what they said. So it’s not worth the trouble in his mind

with his few close friends who still dont know, it feels like its too late and it’d be awkward to bring it up, so he just… doesnt. He’s procrastinating on telling them he cant hear them

He stopped signing as much as he talked in middle school because strangers would always be like “woah thats so cool, how do you know sign language” and he’d just panic because he was an awkward tween, and he didnt know if he was comfortable telling them he was HoH, but ALSO just saying his mom was Deaf and not mentioning himself felt like directly lying by hiding information, so he just took the “lazy” way out and signed less in public.

Sometimes fighting the anxiety was not worth it so he just let it win in that case.

Nino is so nice and energetic and loves people, but he is way more introverted and anxious than his friends think.

But when they start to get closer, Kagami who is ever-observant, notices him signing a little bit, (not ever to her, not ever on purpose, but he’d sometimes sign a word he needed to remember while speaking or sign along to emphasize something)

and she luckily for his anxiety, she doesnt know how to have a normal conversation either.

Her (platonic as well as romantic) love language is studying and research, and Nino seems very cool and she likes him, even if she is awful at holding a conversation with him or doing anything to show it.

She thinks he’s so cool and such an amazing talented kind friend. She has so much love for him that she doesnt know what to do with it. So she channels that energy into learning to sign through the internet and whatever tools she can find

And then after a while of this, she’s like “oh no, he’s gonna think that’s so creepy, I cant tell him I know sign language or he’ll be so uncomfortable”

So, like a whole idiot, she hides that she’s learning sign language from anyone. Because OBVIOUSLY if word got back to Nino, he’d assume it was because of him and that she was a weirdo he shouldn’t be friends with

But also Kagami accidentally falls in love with sign language because she has undiagnosed autism. She always assumed that communicating was just going to be impossible no matter what, but as she gets proficient in sign language she’s like,,, oh,,, OH,, this is very nice

Even just signing while she talks makes it so much easier to keep words and sentances straight, but she only does it when she’s alone with her mother, who is literally blind and would never know.

They become closer friends in late high school, and by that time a lot of Nino’s anxiety has worn off and he’s become completely comfortable letting teachers know when he needs to hear somthing, and middle school feels like a distant dream

At some point, Nino invites Kagami to his house a few times, and he signs with his mom. Nino is like “I can interpret for you,” and Kagami is like “wow thanks, I’m so lucky, because I obviously do not know any sign language, why would I have learned it, and also for the record it is brand new information to me that you can sign,” and Nino is like “cool? Its not a secret but im glad i told you if you somehow didnt already know,” and Kagami is like, “yep :)”

But then eventually as they become really close, they are texting one night, (Kagami can still barely get out of her house, so they need to communicate remotely. And both of then HATE phone calls bc its so hard to understand whats happening, but neither of them have admitted this to anyone)

Nino admits that he likes using sign language better than talking, and he wishes he could use it with his friends, but he’d feel so guilty asking them to learn an entire language just to make him slightly more comfortable. He can talk and hear OKAY so he shouldnt put the pressure on them.

and Kagami is like “you could always ask, worst case scenerio they say no, and i dont think thats an unreasonable demand” and nino is like “it is though,” and kagami’s like “ok so haha funny story, please dont hate me” and nino is like, “…what.” And kagami confesses everything and nino is like “why… why would i hate you for that?” And Kagami is like “oh wait youre right im stupid,”

And then Nino’s also like “hey if YOURE more comfortable signing too, then why dont YOU ask your friends to sign for you. Do you see what i mean? It’s hard to ask-” and kagami is like, “as your friend i will prove it is not.”

So then Kagami ends up confronting Adrien and Marinette the next day and is like “Hi. This is a sign language dictionary. Learn from it.” And they’re both like “what?” And she’s like “oh wait sorry. Backing up. I’m autistic. I decided like three years ago. Forgot to tell you. And I need you to learn to sign a little bit so you can understand if i sign something at you. If you want, of course. Please :D.” And theyre like “ok sure yeah i can do that.”

(Theyve already learned and accepted that shes extremely direct in asking for things)

So then she texts nino and is like “i did it. Youre welcome.”

But anyway both of them are uncomfortable in crowds and parties: Nino cant hear anyone and Kagami tends to get sensory overload, so they start signing mostly in those situations, and then it starts to sink in that they’re allowed to sign whenever and that the other really IS also comfortable with it.

(Both of them are much more willing to make sacrifices for others than to try something new and intimidating for themself, so this is the perfect situation to trick them into getting out of their comfort zone, ironically by trying to be more comfortable in the long run)

so they will just sit together and hang out and have long conversations while just chilling somewhere in a park or at cafes or whatever. Both of them become chattier than they’ve ever been because talking and understanding is so much easier, and its addicting

And their close friends all become proficient enough in sign language to have simple conversations.

But also Nino and Kagami start sitting together automatically even in group hangouts, and they start hanging out more with just the two of them, and soon neither of them feel bad about asking to hang out in quieter places, because they can justify it knowing that it will also help the other one, and together that makes both of them also more comfortable asking for little accomodations from other friends, if only to prove to the other that they can do it too.

And Kagami has the lesser-known autism side effect where she makes WAY TOO MUCH eye contact. She’s aware of it but that doesnt make it go away. Normally she feels so awkward about it, and overthinks her gaze because she doesnt want to scare people away. But when signing, you literally HAVE to be watching the other person constantly, so she has an excuse to just be herself, and its so relieving

(and also its kind of fun to look at Nino anyway because he can get so animated and his smile is really nice and oh no she is in love a little bit)

And Nino always struggles because he emotionally ALWAYS needs to be the nice polite one. His anxiety sometimes gets the better of him and he’s constantly worried about sending the wrong signals to his friends and coming off as rude somehow. But with Kagami, he can literally just ask?? And she will tell him her honest opinion without making it weird. And its so comfy and so good and he really loves hearing her unfiltered opinions on so many things because she sees the world in such a unique way and she gets so passionate about such little things and then oh no, he is fallen for her before he can realize it

And they also learn that they’re both artists, they both love to just observe the world because even if they;re awkward, people are actually pretty great most of the time, and its fun to observe them and try to capture the world, and they just sit together and sketch, or they watch each other sketch, and the thing is, both of them draw ONLY FOR THEMSELVES, its not a ‘skill,’ and they don;t want it to be, its just private art for relaxation. Somehow, though, its okay if they share their art with each other. They can just sit in comfortable silence for hours while one of them sketches something and the other watches patiently

And they start to get more comfortable with one of their heads resting on the other’s shoulder as they watch them doodle, and sitting so close their legs press together, and soon enough their hands start brushing against each other’s as they walk next to each other and then all of a sudden they’re casually holding hands whenever they’re not signing because it’s nice

They try to share headphones so Nino can share some of his favorite songs and his compositions with Kagami. But try as she might, Kagami can not handle the sensory of only having one earbud in. Nino knows her tells by that point, and he’s not about to let her suffer for a stupid reason, but she REALLY does want to hear his music. They somehow end up with Kagami putting a pair of headphones around her neck and turning up the volume a little bit so she can hear, while Nino rests his head on her shoulder so he can hear just enough to know where she is in the song

And then he has to sit up and scootch away just enough to see her hands so they can talk about it, and they both pretend not to notice how nice it was to snuggle as they sign. Its fine, though, because now they get the excuse to just look at each other again and sign overdramatically with exaggerated facial expressions, and no one else around can overhear their conversation, and Nino likes to go a little over the top when signing onomatopoeia and acting out particular parts of the song rhythm that he likes, and Kagami laughs, and they both mentally save the image of each other in this moment the same way that they look at reference images for artwork, memorizing the lines of each movement and the things that make each smile unique,

and Nino also shows up at every single one of her fencing tournaments, and he sits as close as he can and signs encouraging messages to her from the crowd whenever she’s not actively competing, (that her blind mom can never catch, which is somewhat of a bonus to Kagami, because every element of their friendship that her mother cant interact with makes this more personal and special and HERS). Every little sign she sends back at him, even a simple thank you, always feels so good and rebellious and free because shes supposed to be focusing on fencing but shes deciding to care more about friendship. And even if she’s expected to leave immediately afterword, she’ll find every excuse possible to find him and give him a hug, which he’ll always accept even though she jokingly warns him shes sweaty and gross

And eventually they are special best friends and it brings them instant joy to see each other and theyre able to interact for no reason other than that they want to and like each other

(And then they kiss)

[denkisauce]

hi hi so i like many others have headcanons for next gen kids and i wanted to share my kamishin kid bc i LOVE him and have so many headcanons for him. he's very fleshed out so click that mf keep reading 😤😤🔥✨-> ->

so this all started with my quirk fusion idea — This boy is an instance of quirk singularity combining quirks to a dangerous degree. His quirk is that he can manipulate the electricy in someone else's brain— so essentially “fuck up your brain” The Quirk. this can range short circuiting other people to straight up, on the spot murdering someone with 0 fight at all. Just. Insta-kill. its very dangerous and since it’s sort of impossible for him to train without risk, he is essentially quirkless.

Its hard for him though, to live in this superpowered world where he’s powerless but also secretly incredible powerful? not many people know the truth about his quirk

this is one part anxiety but also a conscious decision on him and his dads’ parts. while prohero kids are out of the spotlight, kamishin is quirkless as far as the public knows, for his own protection bc of the fear that villains would try to take advantage of him/any negative attention he recieve

while all of this definitely gives him angst and issues, it helps that he has two really great and loving dads <3 (and pro hero aunts and uncles 🥺)

he takes after shinsou a lot with the quirk angst. he's feared turning villainous or hurting people and stuff 🥺. but it helps a lot to have a dad who Gets it and bc shinsou understands him he definitely has an easier time with his issues <3

the first time his quirk manifested was luckily on denki and everyone was very confused. like, is denki bceoming so talented he can short circuit without activating his powers? ehh... nope 🙃 the second time it happened was against his kindergarten teacher — he put her in a coma for like three days and thats when things got serious. i know this is effed up but im sorry that's like his whole deal :/ :/

The other more fun stuff!

deku is his favorite uncle :) between the relatability of growing up quirkless and the positive vibes he just loves him. also deku has brainstormed positive ways to use his quirk but its still too risky to try but kamishin appreciates ☺

he's also really close with eri! she's a very cool younger aunt and their quirk manifestation origins are kind of similar in the hurting people department so she's VERY protective of him. if theres anyone he could train with itd be her, but he doesn't want to risk it. and despite deku's encouragement, his quirk is dangerous

personality wise he takes after shinsou more, but not entirely! he’s definitely more energetic and spunky

oh he’s a bitch in the best of ways

he has Kaminaris pick up line tendencies but it fucking WORKS??? yeah he's a bastard and a flirt

childhood friends with the kiribaku kid but lately there’s definitely been something more between them??? sparks are flying 👀👀

being a hero's not really an option for him but he’s cool with that. he has a pretty deep seeded fear of his own power. i have to make a separate Krbk kid post but kiribakus son is also not interested! they kind of bond over it. they both love their dads but think they’re kind of lame lol

His favorite pro hero is dynamite ☺️ like it says in the pic this is one part to piss of his dads and the kiribaku kid lol but also he loves how headstrong bakugou is

has kamis adhd but shinsous smarts

a real science nerd, in a bookish way but also in a lets-experiment-with-getting-electrocuted-way

he's planning on going into quirk research. he's smart and sciency and is obviously very personally invested in learning and contributing to the quirk sciences!

oh he a music boy!! In a band with momojirou kid -- just look at that fucking punk

its hard to see in the pic but he has gold freckles 🥺🥺

i dunno that's all i have for now!! i love him!!

[angelthebedsheet]

If you’re ok with it, could you do Hawks, Todoroki, Shinsou, Bakugo and Kaminari with a black support engineer s/o with big curly hair and stretched ears? Maybe she wears gauges with their hero theme? Just some cute fluff!

a/n: oooooh bitch okayyyyy!! i like that! hawks my lil bird bitch ✋🏽🥺

your quirk! super brain.

what is it? you have the ability to memorize things easily, piece complex puzzles together, make great strategies. you essentially are a megamind. you are incredibly smart invention-wise. you are skilled in support hero work so you are one of the go to’s for hero modifications, suits and basic designs.

hero name? hakim: the tinker hero

why the name hakim? from what i searched up it has arabic and african significance and it’s one of the 99 names based on the attributes of Allah. the two famous bearers of this name were hakim ajmal khan, the india physician and hakim muhammad saeed, a pakistani medical researcher. if i got any of this wrong please message me so i can fix this! i want to stay as respectful as possible as i love to include names that hold a message!

i might have to split this into two parts bc this gets long!! i just assumed reader is fem presenting bc you can use feminine pronouns and not be a girl like me. also disclaimer i only take 4 characters at a time per request but i dont think at the time of this request i had finalized my requirements in my masterlist so IMMA LET IT SLIDE. sorry this is late as SHIT. lets get it!

——————————————————————————

Hawks

okay we all know he’s a lil shit

and we all know how he be

you are working on your next commission piece in your studio when your window opens

you can only sigh

“what happened kei.”

“now birdie dont get mad now okay”

“what did you do.”

“i may have.... broke my visor and destroyed my jacket?”

how the fuck do you do that.

“what.”

“ahahah...”

boot to the face

when you two were first dating

which was back in hs

you helped him figure out how his hero costume would be along with how they would sit comfortably on his wings

i mean i love the idea of you roasting him while measuring him

“where’s your fuckin DRIP kei.”

“y/n PLEASE. i came here to get a new costume not get slandered”

“well you jus gon have to deal with it sugar, especially when you look like a mess.”

he had definitely bought you so many gauges that have little red feathers hanging from it

or simply his initials hanging from it to the point where you just wear one of his feathers around your neck

marking his territory and making sure you are safe

protective and trendy!

i hc that he has alot of bird like tendencies so you probably have to stop him from stealing the lil shiny things you have

your nuts and bolts allat

“keigo put my bolt down”

“but its so SHINY”

“NO.”

cue keigo’s WHINING

sometimes he just sits on his stool you put for him and play with your ears

like he’ll stare at them and ask you questions

“do they hurt?”

“kei im trying to focus”

“like they’re all stretched how long did they take?”

or he’ll bounce your curls

you’re just polishing a piece of hero gear

here comes kei silently sitting on his stool and gently grabbing a strand of your hair

pulling it down then you hear a quiet

“boing”

i hc that kei has adhd, has lil tic and has to fidget

(can you tell i self project onto majority of them)

(i mean hawks’ quirk must be IMMACULATE for fidgeting 😫👌🏽👌🏽)

(its dead his fault why i have a pretty bird tic)

and one day

“kei baby, here.” you said as you handed him a box. he cocked his head slightly as he looked at it. “what is this, dove?” he asked as he took the box. “well, i made you something to help with your fidgets.” you said as you rubbed the back of your neck. his wings puffed out as he smiled. he opened the box and gasped. you watched as his eyes brightened while he took out the keychain fidget toy. it has multiple sides to it. metal rings connected by two hoops, red, white and beige plastic bangs that were at the ends with two small red feathers at the chains. you watched as he bit his lips and tried not to cause a big reaction. “do you like it, pretty bird?” you asked. he nodded and pulled you into a hug. “thank you so much, baby.” he said into your shoulder. “and you can hook it onto your pants. cute, right?” you said as you gently rubbed his back. “yep, i’m cuddling the fuck outta you. lets go.” he said as he let you go and sweeped you up into his arms. you squealed with a giggle and wrapped your arms around his neck as he ran to the bedroom.

Todoroki Shouto

yall are in hs okay no time skips lmao

todoroki loves EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU

i mean he has so many sneaky pics of you working on your projects

oil on the cheek, gloves, goggles

straight up working in your zone

he will post on his story sometimes like

“look at my s/o”

“they’re working hard”

dry ass cute shit yk?

he carries scrunchies and glass cleaners 24/7

you take your projects on the go so he’ll just take out a scrunchie and neatly pull them curls back into a pineapple

my mans lowkey was struggling at first bc DAMN

CURLS BE FIGHTIN HIM

love the idea of todoroki watching youtube tutorials bc he’s TIRED of getting his ass BEAT by them

he kinda gets a lil grossed out when you take out your gauges and your earlobe kinda just dangles

like earrings in? cool asf

them out? my mans fold like a lawn chair. he looks away or makes a stink face

“are they in?”

“yes they’re in you lil baby. you can try attempted murder but you can’t look at stretched earlobes?”

“shut UP”

he does internally swoon when you put in gauges that match his hair colour

like you love him that much? okay i see

he’s amazed by how you work

sometimes he’ll just stand behind you like a lil sibling in the door way

“mom said it’s my turn on the xbox.”

(not at how me and todoroki are both the youngest siblings)

when you saw his first hero costume you busted out LAUGHING

that day you roasted todoroki to the point where he left

“janitor looking ass. my nigga where you goin? a space adventure? scary ass.”

“😐 are you done.”

“space jam headass, lookin like a g.i joe action figure. terminator lookin ass.”

“alright im leaving”

“no wait come back andjajdjsba”

i hc that todoroki has panic and anxiety attacks and things like that

so you made him a little sumn sumn for his anxiety

“candy, look here for a second?” you called out, making todoroki hum and look up from his notebook. “what happened?” he asked as he cocked his head slightly. “made you something.” you said as you handed him a small box. his eyes light up as he gently took the box. “really? are you sure?” he questioned. you only nodded with a smile as you placed your pencil behind your ear. you watched as he carefully opened the box. he pulled out a tan clicker toy and smiled confused. “what’s this, bub?” he questioned as he placed the box down. “a fidget toy i made for you that can help with your anxiety. it can help ground you when you feel overwhelmed? hopefully? oh! it also has a music box feature.” you said as you pointed at the back of the toy. he silently turned the toy around and you leaned over and pressed a button that played a music box version of a pearl by mitski. you watched as his shoulders loosened up at the sound of his favorite song. he placed the toy down while he tried to hold his smile back. he sighed and smiled widely. “thank you, i love it, bubba.” he said sweetly. “i’m glad you like it.” you whispered. “may i kiss you?” he asked. you simply nodded before he gently cupped your cheek and pressed a kiss to your lips. you pulled him into a hug.

[awsugar]

ok time for another question..sorry i have so many lately im just speaking to the void and hoping it answers back

ive been smoking weed regularly since like. over 10 years idk. anyway it was always fine. in the past year i started to feel a lot of anxiety when i smoke. but like specifically i will start to spiral about my life and all the things im not doing well enough and get nervous that im weird at work and stress about how all i do when im not at work is sit in my room and how lonely i am and i have no friends and no partner and all the things im putting off and my room is dirty and im fat etc idk i just start to panic. which you may say ‘if it makes you feel bad stop smoking’ but my thing is like. im usually able to get it under control after a little bit. and the BIG THING is that. i only feel like i start to panic like that bc when im high is the only time i actually THINK about my life and assess it. and all the other times in my life when im sober im just on autopilot without a thought in my head so all of this stuff piles up and doesnt occur to me until im high but because im high i dont respond to it as well as i would if i had a single critical thought about my life when i was sober. has anyone else ever had this experience...i feel like my medication turns off my brain altogether, not just thje parts that make me suicidal. and when i smoke i actually think. but its also stressful and sometimes not fun. so idk....idk what im even asking but does this happen to anyone else...