#also like there are people into that server that are ok don't get me wrong

[larkkspuur]

My biggest fear with talking about Minecraft smps (that aren't the one I'm in) is that all y'all new followers will think I mean the big awful one. I super prommy it's not that one. There are others. Hold my hand. Do you want angst? Two people bound together only to have to betray each other in the end inescapably? A king and his right hand man going down together? Two husbands in a flower field? We have everything here. Come closer.

[volostan]

Volo blues hitting hard tonight. Sometimes I wonder why I do all this, it makes me feel helpless. But I know it's meaningful for lots of people so I'm doing it for you fine folks

[aph-estonia]

in a weird fucked up state rn where i just lost 6-7 friends in the span of a week tops and i can't get myself to do anything about it. i can't get better. i tried and i gave up and i've become more okay with being scum and now trying to go back to being better is like the hardest thing i've ever felt in my life

[jellieland]

A week or two after the games, Grian will usually check in with the victor.

It's a habit that's probably more for his own benefit than anyone else's. But it is, he thinks, a good habit nonetheless.

After all, as fun as it all is, things can get a bit... intense, towards the end, and it's good for his peace of mind to make sure the last one standing is ok with how things shook out.

Nothing much has ever really come of it before; they're all pretty resilient. He doubts this time’ll be different. Except- well.

Something about it all itches at the back of his mind, and he hasn’t been able to work out why. There was the actual ending, of course, but also Grian may have been whispering in Martyn's ear about how boring that final showdown was turning out to be, and how narratively satisfying it would be if he just betrayed the other two and got it over with, so.

If nothing else, it feels like he's got no reason to break with tradition.

There's just one more concern.

Martyn seems to have made it almost impossible to contact him.

It's not... unheard of, for players to keep to themselves most of the time, especially when it comes to those they don’t share a server with. It seems a little uncharacteristic of Martyn, but the last time Grian saw him outside the games was before they even started, so maybe he does things differently these days.

There are certainly a great many reasons why that could be the case, most of which are perfectly sensible.

But Grian's never been able to resist picking at a puzzle put in front of him, whether the puzzle likes it or not, so he is going to talk to Martyn. And he can just see what happens, and worry about any consequences if and when they appear.

Luckily, he already has a way to do just that.

He doesn't usually need to do this - although it is very funny to startle Scar or Mumbo with it sometimes when they're concentrating. Honestly it's usually less effective than communicators, with how much effort it takes.

But he does have a way. The same way he used to whisper in Martyn's ear very recently, in fact.

He reaches out, away from his home, away from his body, and it feels a little like simultaneously overextending himself, and putting his foot down on a step he thought was flat ground.

That is... not how this usually feels.

It's odd. Rather unnerving.

But it works.

He finds Martyn. Watches the vague shape of him solidify into something more real.

He’s still wearing his red life outfit, for some reason. His eyes are closed. Around his head, the coral curls like a blood-red crown.

“What do you think you're playing at?” Asks Grian.

Martyn blinks his eyes open slowly, looking less confused than Grian would expect for someone hearing a disembodied voice out of nowhere. “Oh good.” He says dryly. “You again.”

He squawks indignantly. “Hey, what's that supposed to mean?”

There is silence for a few seconds.

“...Hey.” Martyn says, and as flippant as he suddenly sounds, he looks as thrown off balance as Grian feels. “Not sure who this is, but I think you might have the wrong number!”

“I think that's unlikely.” He deadpans. “Where are you? I haven't been able to get hold of you.”

“Uh-” There's a short pause as he looks around at wherever he is right now. “Falling into endless nothingness, looks like. Same old, same old, am I right?”

Grian rolls his eyes. “Yeah, ok. Well, I suppose you don't have to tell me.” A part of him makes a note of Martyn’s wording, though. Just in case.

“...Hm. Well, not gonna lie, I do appreciate the change of pace, but I would love to know what exactly you want from me. You know, just on the off chance that you feel like giving me any clues.”

It's at this point that Grian remembers: one of the main reasons this method of communication is good for messing with people is that it makes him sound, um. A little different. And while he can see Martyn, it’s not as if Martyn can see him.

...Best to just pretend that hadn't slipped his mind.

“You do realize this is Grian, right?” He asks, as though it ought to be obvious.

“Riiight, yeah, sure.” Says Martyn. “And I'm also Grian, did you know that?”

“Oh for- what, do you want me to tell you some secret only the two of us would know, or something?”

“Nah.” Says Martyn. “That wouldn't work.”

“Elaborate.” Says Grian, through gritted teeth.

“You know what? I don't think I will!” Replies Martyn brightly.

Grian takes a deep breath in through his nose. “I'm beginning to wonder why I bother.” He grinds out.

Martyn snorts. “Tell me about it.”

There's a short silence.

“But- ok.” He continues. “Just suppose for the sake of argument that you are Grian.”

“...Yes?” Asks Grian warily.

“I have a question for you.”

“...Yeeees?” Asks Grian, even more warily.

The silence stretches for several long moments.

“What's up?” Asks Martyn.

“Yeah ok, this isn’t worth it, I'm leaving now.”

“Wait! No, I'm serious!” Under the amusement, there's a note of something that sounds almost like nervousness in his voice. It's uncharacteristic. Unnerving.

“What are you talking about?” Asks Grian, trying very hard to keep his voice at least mostly free of annoyance.

“Oh, you know! What's going on, what's the deal, what'd you want to talk to me for?” There's a slight hesitation. “You need help or something?”

“I- ok. That's actually sort of relevant. It's really nothing too complicated, Martyn.” He says, grumpily. “All I wanted to do was make sure you're good with what happened at the end of the last game.”

Martyn blinks, and goes very still.

There is a long silence - long enough that Grian starts to feel concerned.

And then Martyn laughs.

It's not a nice laugh.

“Good, huh. You want to know if I’m good with it. That sure is an interesting choice of words.”

“...How so?” He asks, guardedly.

“Grian. Grian, I’m not sure if you remember this, but I won. I won this one, Grian.” Every word he says, however restrained, sounds like it’s had to claw its way out of him. He glares at nothing. “And guess what? It's just like the others. I don’t really care enough for any of it to matter to me, anymore, and that's fine by me.”

Now that's... a lot to unpack. “You- I'm sorry?”

“Well that makes one of us then, doesn't it?” His voice is coated with scorn.

“What are you talking about?”

“Do you actually think I’m going to explain myself to you?” He asks, looking half-amused. “You, of all people?”

“Well unfortunately, Martyn, I can’t exactly put Ren on the line, so I’m afraid I’m all you’re going to get.” He snaps, and instantly regrets it when he sees the look in Martyn’s eyes.

There is a short silence.

Grian shifts uncomfortably. He’s not going to apologize, obviously. But. Well. “That... ok, maybe that was a bit much.” He says.

“...Little bit, yeah.”

There is another silence.

After a while, Martyn speaks.

“I would’ve betrayed him too, you know.” He says coolly.

“What, Ren?”

“Yeah. At the drop of a hat. Soon as it was convenient.”

“I mean sure, I suppose?” Says Grian, caught off guard. “You didn’t, though. Did you? When you had the chance.”

“Eh.” He shrugs, as though that’s an irrelevant detail. “It would’ve been more dramatic later. You know how it is.”

...There's no real way he can justify saying no to that, is there? “Yeah.” He says. “I guess I do.”

He tries to picture the King, betrayed. The Hand, triumphant.

“I dunno, though.” He says, thoughtful. “I don’t think you ever could’ve done it, to be honest. Not in the first one. Whatever it was you were planning, it was just never how that story was going to go.”

“That’s not true.” He says it just slightly too fast. “I know that’s not true.”

Grian scoffs. “You know thinking about something isn’t the same as doing it, right?”

“What, no, really?” He rolls his eyes. “You don’t say!”

“What I’m saying,” He lets his voice turn biting, “Is that you’re being stupid.”

Martyn lets out a startled laugh. It’s surprisingly genuine. “Wow. You’re really bad at this, dude.”

Grian bristles. “Well why am I the one who has to do it then? Why don’t you talk to someone else, if you hate talking to me so much?”

“I mean…” He makes an unconvinced noise. “Obvious problems aside, when do you even expect me to do that? We usually have other things to worry about.”

“I don’t know, maybe at literally any point between the games?” He sighs exasperatedly. “There’s no way you’re that busy.”

“Between the games?” Martyn asks incredulously, and Grian suddenly feels as though something dangerous is hovering over their heads, just about to drop. “What do you mean, between the games?”

“I mean between the games! Like- now! What do you think this is, right now, if it’s not between the games?” He snaps.

“This right now?” He looks nonplussed. “I think we’re usually asleep for most of this bit. Or possibly we forget about it. As you can probably imagine, it’s hard to know for sure.”

“Now I know that’s not true.” He says firmly, ignoring the unease trying to creep up on him. “I know I do stuff between games, and I know I don’t just forget about it. That makes no sense.”

“I mean, I don't necessarily mean everything between the games, more just this specifically.” He gestures around at nothing. “That gets more complicated, though. But you- hm.” He looks curious. “That’s interesting. Where even are you, then, at the moment?”

“I’m at home! Which is where I thought everyone else was too!”

Martyn seems to consider this for a few moments, and then he frowns, and then his expression goes blank. “…Oh.” He says. “Yeah. No, that… makes sense, actually. Yeah. You’re probably right.”

“Wha- what do you mean? Right about what?”

“Everyone probably went home. Or, at least, they thought they did. And hey, what’s the difference, when you get right down to it?”

“...Ok, I’m going to ignore the second part for now, I already got past that little existential crisis after Ren and Doc’s whole… thing… in season eight- if you think everyone went home, why are you- what was it you said- ‘falling into endless nothingness’?”

There’s another pause.

“...You’re really gonna make me say it, huh? That seems cruel, even for you.”

“Wait, no, what do you-”

“Where else do you think I would go?” It sounds less like an admission and more like an accusation. “What ‘home’ do you think I have left, Grian?”

“Look.” Snaps Grian, feeling vaguely tricked. “It’s not my fault that you-”

“Yeah, it never is, is it?” He glares into the darkness. “It’s always a tragic inevitability with you, never a choice you’re making. That way you get to stab people in the back and pretend to be sad about it. Best of both worlds, huh?”

Grian splutters for a few seconds. “Why are you being so rude to me??”

“Because you’re you and I’m me.” He smirks. “Don’t know what you expected, honestly.”

“Oh yeah? Who’s hiding behind inevitability now?” Grian retorts, perhaps a trifle vindictively.

“I never said I wasn’t a hypocrite, sometimes. Also, I never said I felt bad about it.” He replies levelly, and all at once, they’re talking about something else.

“You didn’t need to say it.” Snaps Grian. “You might be good at lying but you’re not perfect. I could see in your face that it hurt.”

He narrows his eyes. “It felt good, actually.”

“Wow, good for you.” He says, almost amused suddenly. “You didn’t say I was wrong, though.”

His expression twists into something unreadable. “I know you, Grian. Like recognizes like.” He says, voice low and dangerous. “You’re a liar.”

Grian shrugs, despite the fact that Martyn will not see it. “And you’re a coward. Your point?”

“I don’t need to justify myself to someone who refuses to admit that he could have chosen to be better, if he’d ever wanted to.” He spits out.

“Hey, at least I don’t try and convince myself I’m a monster just because I want to survive.”

That one strikes something tender; he can tell. “Right, yeah, and you’re just a blameless angel and everyone you cut down had it coming, I’m sure.”

“I didn’t say that. But since you bring it up… how many people did you give up your time for, again?” He grins. “Is it less than one? Because I think it is. I think I’ve got you beat there, Martyn.”

“And where did it get you?” He snarls.

“Home, in the end.”

Martyn flinches back as though he’s been struck.

“Did you forget about that part?” Asks Grian.

There’s a long pause.

Martyn fidgets with the end of the banner he wears around his waist, pulling at where the white threads are coming undone. He stares out into the darkness. “Yeah.” He says. “I guess I did.”

The satisfaction of winning the argument feels less potent, suddenly.

“You’re right.” Says Grian, after a while. “I’m really bad at this.”

Martyn laughs quietly. “To be fair, I’m not exactly helping.”

“You’re really not.”

He sighs. “You know pulling the knife out just makes the wound start bleeding again, don’t you? That’s all we’re doing here. That’s all we’re going to do to each other. We’re too alike to do anything else, unless we just don’t do anything. And hey, we’re not great at that either.”

“Hmm.” Says Grian begrudgingly. “I’d say something about inevitability again, but I honestly don’t think you’re wrong.”

“We both just enjoy pushing buttons too much to be particularly good at not pushing them, I guess.” Martyn sounds half-amused, half-resigned.

Grian makes an irritated noise. “Yes, alright, I don’t need another reminder of the whole button debacle.”

There is more silence.

After a while, Grian speaks again. “There’s something I was wondering about, actually.”

“Oh yeah?” Martyn raises an eyebrow.

“What’s the reason?” He asks.

“You’re gonna have to be more specific with that one, mate.”

“‘This is a death match for a reason.’” He says matter-of-factly. “That’s what you said. So- what is it? What’s the reason?”

Martyn blinks, then lets out a short, harsh laugh. “You think I know that?”

“No, not really. That’s why I wondered what you meant when you said it.”

“It- look. I don’t know if you’re expecting philosophy from me, or something. It’s a death game. People die, and it doesn’t have to mean anything. It doesn’t have to be special, it doesn’t have to be honourable, it doesn’t have to be fair. That’s what I meant.” He frowns. “You know that.”

“I do.” He admits.

“Then why ask?” Martyn looks around as though this time, somehow, he might be able to find Grian’s face in the dark.

He doesn’t.

“I just-” Grian sighs. “What do you want?” He asks. “What do you actually want, Martyn?”

The question sits heavy in the darkness between them.

“What do you want me to say?” Martyn asks. He sounds more tired than Grian’s ever heard him.

“I want you to tell the truth.” Grian says. He needs to know. He needs to know.

“Now, Grian.” Says Martyn, voice gently chiding. “Have you met me? You know I can’t do that.”

“Pretend it’s a lie, then.”

Martyn’s grip on the banner he wears tightens, slightly. There is a long, long silence.

“Or how about,” Says Grian, eventually, “You say something, and I won’t know whether it’s a lie or not.”

There is another pause.

Martyn frowns at the red of the fabric in his hands, as though it might offer him something.

As far as Grian can tell, it does not.

He’s just beginning to give up hope of ever getting an answer when Martyn speaks, so softly he almost doesn’t hear it.

“I want it to be warm again.” He says.

It’s quiet.

For a moment – just a moment, no more – Grian remembers bloody, aching fists. He remembers burning heat.

“Well.” He says. “That makes one of us, then. Doesn’t it?”

“Yeah.” Says Martyn, voice low. “I guess it does.”

There’s another short second of silence before Martyn speaks again, sounding cheerful. “So, suppose I’ll see you in the next one, huh? If that ever happens.” He grins. “Wanna take bets on how hard Scott’ll have to try not to win it? I’m gonna go with very.”

Grian snorts. “I’m not taking that bet. That man is infuriatingly good at surviving.”

“You’re not wrong! You are not wrong.” He gestures into the void. “And don’t even get me started on Timmy’s whole thing, I think we both know how that one’s gonna go. Unless you want to bet against him being gone first next time round?”

“You’re not Scar.” Says Grian. “There’s no way you talk anyone into taking that bet in a million years. Except maybe Timmy.”

“Fair, fair.”

There’s a short pause.

Grian hesitates for a moment before he speaks – almost, but not quite, reluctant. “Why do you keep looking back?” He asks. “There’s nothing left for us there. You know that, right?”

“I mean, let me know when you find a better place to look.” He tilts his head to the side slightly, curious, and frowns. “Do you really never want to go back?”

“No.” Says Grian. “Never.”

Martyn opens his mouth, and then, uncharacteristically, closes it again. “Yeah.” He says. “Me neither.”

Grian is tempted, momentarily, to tell Martyn to take the banner off and let it go. Let the darkness take it. Prove it.

But just like Martyn, he lets it drop.

Mutually assured destruction is a potent thing.

Now all he has to do is the hard part. The part he’s dreading most of all.

The main concern is phrasing it correctly. Making it sound just how he wants it to sound.

After some thought, he thinks he’s found the words he's looking for.

He could always be wrong, though. He’s usually more one for incredible violence than smooth talking.

“Martyn?” He asks cautiously, casually. “Do you want me to help you?”

The expression that crosses Martyn’s face is unreadable.

He processes the question for a few moments, before he answers.

“Nah. I’m good.” He says, voice guarded. “Don’t worry about it.”

And that’s the rub, isn’t it.

Because now Grian has to decide whether he’s going to let Martyn lie to him or not.

Whether he’s going to pass the test that’s been set before him, or not.

...

Grian’s not a monster.

He’s just realistic.

There's nothing he could do, anyway.

“Well.” He says levelly. “Just let me know if that changes.”

(Martyn would do the same to him. It’s not a justification, or an excuse. But he knows it to be true.)

Martyn stares out into the darkness. His eyes are almost, but not quite, resentful. “Sure thing, man. Why wouldn’t I.”

It’s not said like a question, so Grian doesn’t answer it. “Well, you know I can’t stay here forever.”

“I do know that.”

“Any messages you want me to pass on to any of the hermits? I know you haven’t seen Mumbo in a while.” It’s not really a compromise, or a peace offering. Hopefully, however, it’s close enough to one or the other of those to act in their stead.

Martyn closes his eyes. Breathes in. Breathes out. Opens his eyes again. “If you were Grian, then maybe.” His gaze is cold. “But I think this hypothetical has gone on long enough.”

...It’s a lot easier for both of them, if Martyn believes that.

He’s positive Martyn knows that.

Just this once, perhaps he can manage to not look a gift horse in the mouth.

“For what it’s worth,” He says, looking away, “I moved on from the Bad Boys when it got too expensive to keep them alive.”

“It’s not worth a lot.” Says Martyn flatly. “And it would be worth even less coming from Grian.”

Grian sighs. “Alright. Fine. I’ll see you around, Martyn.”

“I know.” Says Martyn. He closes his eyes.

After a few moments, Grian does too.

When he opens them, he’s home.

…

Oh, that doesn’t feel good.

It really doesn't.

He could dwell on this. It wouldn’t be hard. He could drown himself in guilt over what he’s done, or not done, or will not do.

But- well.

Grian never really saw the point in letting someone else drag you down with them.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for making a typo?

💬🍃

(to help find later)

This has been really frustrating me, but I don't know if my emotions are clouding my judgement and if I really was the one in the wrong. For context everyone mentioned is an adult.

The other day I (19) was talking with a friend in server about a character from a book series we both really enjoy. Two other people who never read the book were popping into the convo occasionally so me and my friend were trying to explain some context. One of those two people are who the situation revolves around, let's call them Leaf (20), fake name.

I have ADHD and I tend to get really excited when ranting abt my hyperfix, I tend to have a lot to say and a need to get it out as fast as possible, so I tend to make a LOT of typos. I make a lot of typos even when texting normally, it's a very well known fact about me. Because I make so many I don't tend to correct or change them in normal casual conversation because it's simply too much work and takes up too much time when people understand what I'm trying to say anyways.

When trying to explain a character's backstory I accidentally misspelled like and used a k instead of an l, since the letters are very close together on my keyboard. I had NO idea that it was an actual word at all, let alone that it was a slur. There was no malicious intention behind it at all. Leaf let me know that it was a slur, and I immediately apologized and explained I didn't know and I tend to make a lot of typos. Leaf was weirdly condescending about it though, we are NOT very close but they passive aggressively called me their "beloved darling" and to "use my eyes ❤️". They responded to my message with the apology in it by saying "well now you know" basically, and I thought that was it. The conversation moved on.

We sent a lot of messages in between that and when Leaf brought it up again. The original message was typo was completely buried. Admittedly I did not edit the original message right away to correct it, since I don't edit messages on discord often and I was distracted so it slipped my mind. But I did go back immediately when Leaf brought it up again. They said that they felt that being excited about a book isn't an excuse to say a slur and they shouldn't feel scared to speak up about it. We were all very confused by this, because we thought it was resolved and my friend even thought that they had said something wrong this time. I apologized AGAIN and had to do so profusely, with Lead responding to my messages with "ok" multiple times. They finally said that its okay now bc before I hadn't apologized or changed anything. Which is VERY CONFUSING TO ME because I DID APOLOGIZE, AND THEY RESPONDED TO THE MESSAGE WHERE I DID.

I will also admit that I did not like Leaf prior to this incident. They have a tendency to get condescending and harp on others for accidents or mistakes, but when they perceive the slightest bit of criticism they have a break down, regardless of if the actual message meant to be negative. They also do not communicate clearly and it's usually a guessing game in regard to what they're actually trying to say or what the problem is. I know they have some other mental health issues so even though I disliked them I never let it show in my behavior. I tried my hardest to be as polite and kind as possible, because I didn't want Leaf to feel unwelcome in the server. Sometimes people don't vibe and that's alright, their needs just clashed with my own (I have a need to over explain and completely understand a situation, so Leaf being vague and passive aggressive is especially frustrating for me) and I didn't want to isolate them from their friends just because I didn't vibe.

Additionally, in a previous conversation where I was talking about a fandom appropriating my culture and why that made it hard for me to enjoy the source material, Leaf said some questionable things. They were also a fan of what I was talking about, and they didn't seem to understand what I was talking about or why it was upsetting for me. This obliviousness made me extra baffled when it came to the typo incident.

I guess I've just been frustrated at the immaturity of how the situation was handled. I make such an effort to be polite and mature when it comes to them, and some of my other friends have said I've been much more patient with Leaf than they would have been, but maybe my judgment is clouded and I should have done something different. The server that we're in is very small (~20 ppl but usually only 5 or so are regularly active) and I don't want to stir up any kind of drama or trouble when I can just handle my own emotions personally. However what happened baffled me so much I feel like I need an outside opinion.

[chaos-enchanted]

Ok this is a bit of rant but I feel like at least on Tumblr I won't be harassed or scrutinised for liking The Acolyte.

But honestly, with all of the news floating around about The Acolyte being cancelled (although I still haven't seen an official statement from Disney, but apparently they've taken The Acolyte merch off their store page), it's made me realise how toxic the Star Wars fandom can be (I mean I already knew, just look at the responses to the prequels and sequels). Sure, I understand everyone doesn't have to like everything that gets produced, but as someone who f**cking LOVED this show (especially Master Sol) it's so disheartening to see how loudly everyone is cheering about the show being cancelled and reinforcing that toxic behaviour I have seen both on social media, and especially in swtor general chats (don't even get me started about that) of people straight up bullying and harassing people who like the show. Actually I would like the mention that on swtor I did make a joke that there were a few people on the fleet with the same name so qouted "the power of many", and was told to "shut my stars wars wh*re mouth".

Also, shoutout to that one person I see on the Star Forge swtor server whose name is The Acolyte who wears Mae's armour, whether you're doing it to rile people up or because you want to publicly show your love for the show, I respect you big time.

I know there are many people out there who know how it feels to be a fan of an unpopular fandom but it's just so disheartening to see how loudly aggressive the hate towards The Acolyte and those who genuinely enjoyed it is. I have no doubt those who so loudly protested it will see this as a huge win (ironically "the power of many" I guess), and fine, if enough people don't like it I get it that's just how it is, but I really hope this won't be taken as the opportunity to essentially 'prove' to people who genuinely enjoyed The Acolyte that it was an 'objectively bad show' and they are wrong for liking it.

Lastly, I find it ironic that to those who so loudy hated the show but also were practically begging to learn more of Darth Plagueis the Wise have now become victims of their own hubris so we're likely never going to see more of his story, good job.

Anyway rant over, point is, I'll still keep rewatching The Acolyte and continue writing my Master Sol fic but it's a shame that if it is officially true that the show has been cancelled we'll never get to see what happens with Darth Plagueis, Qimir and Osha (that last scene was fantastic btw) and Mae, so I guess like most things we'll keep it going with fics and fanart in the nice little void corner of the internet <3

[fleet-of-fiction]

My Truth

Allow me to introduce myself. Hi...

My name is Lucie. You might remember me from my old blog, lightmylove-gvf. It started out as a really fun, wholesome space. Full of love and laughter. I shared pictures and gif sets and works of fiction. Made so many wonderful connections with many different people. It really was a wonderful place to be. Until it wasn't. And although I've tried my best to step away from certain controversies, it seems that people still have an issue with me and still have my name in their mouth. So I'd like to take this opportunity to set the record straight. Maybe move past some untruths and you can all make informed decisions on whether you'd like to continue following me here on my current blog. Which is also a place of peace and love, I might add. And always has been.

Anyway, read on if you'd like. And if not, that's ok too.

I think it's fair to say that I've always been one of the more "controversial" writers around here. I have never shied away from difficult storytelling, and I never will. But what started out as a completely separate issue quickly snowballed into what could only be described as a personal vendetta.

I'm happy to discuss anything within my writing that might be of issue to a reader. A particular blog took offence to a scene I had written in a chapter of my fic, Backstage. I happened to disagree with this blog, and I tried my best to let them know whilst I understood their stance I did not agree with their point of view. I took this opinion to a discord server I was part of along with several other blogs here to see if they could shed more light on the issue.

The scene in question involved a fictionalised version of Josh and the reader in bed. They had gone to bed together with the full narrative of the reader known. How she was in love with him and wanted nothing more than to make love with him. They had been growing close. And Josh began to touch reader as they slept side by side. We get an insight into the readers thoughts during this moment, and they are very much with consent and enjoying the experience. It's meant to be a nod to what is to come. That their bodies are in tune with each other, even if their words are yet to speak of it. I think a lot of experiences in life play out like that. Where we don't always know what to say, but find ourselves in situations where our bodies can do the talking. Anyway, I digress...

There was a lot of opinions flying around in the server. Some were in favour of my opinion, others opposed it and were in favour of the anon who had sent me alot of hateful messages regarding their view that this scene was nothing more than sexual harassment. I explained in the server that I myself had been the victim of sexual assault/harassment. That I knew what it felt like to get into bed with someone I thought that I could trust only to have them break that trust in the most heinous way. I tried to explain that I didn't think this particular scene was that.

One sentence that I said was screenshotted and shared around with absolutely zero context to it and nothing of the rest of the conversation added to the screenshot. Just one sentence that I'd said which pertained to saying that I agreed that people should be able to get in bed with others and have full rights to their own bodies. I was AGREEING with that. It's there in black and white. But the narrative was skewed by people who didn't want to understand me. I tried to explain about how my personal experiences often lied within power imbalances when it came to things like S/H. But in the end, they gave me no chance to explain myself properly. They didn't want to. They'd seen and heard enough and made up their mind.

But it didn't stop there. People who I thought were my friends blocked me. Told me I was disgusting. Told me I was playing the victim. Because I didn't issue a grovelling apology. But how could I? I wasn't sorry. I hadn't done anything wrong. I'd poured my heart out to them about my trauma and abuse and how in my own experience I didn't view it as the same as what I'd written. I'd put trigger warnings. I'd made sure people had the right to information before proceeding!

I had blogs who had never interacted with me block me. Call me disgusting. Tell me fuck myself. I had anons telling me to kill myself. Anons telling me that I was a rapist and...for some reason...a peadophile sympathiser? I didn't deserve that. Nobody deserves that. I literally wrote two consenting adults touching each other in a bed they'd both gotten into...consentingly.... with very obvious (although unspoken at that point) feelings for each other. But now, that wasn't the issue. The issue was my own personal feelings on sexual harassment.

I'm the first to admit that I am perhaps not an easily digestable person to some. But I know that I am kind. I know that I have spent hours proof reading and editing fics for other writers on here because they asked for my help. I've supported people though personal issues, and I've championed the work of other writers because I truly believed that this space was a wonderful space for creativity. I still do, to some degree. I am not perfect, and I know that sometimes I can be a little head strong when it comes to protecting people's rights to free speech. I understand that I'm not palatable as a person to people who don't agree that the freedom to write should come with the freedom to write anything.

To those of you who never ever spoke to me and are still sharing things about me with the hash tag #fuck you lucie.... to you I say why have you jumped on that bandwagon? You do not know me. You know only what you've heard from people who were intent on pushing a narrative that was their own. Not mine. You don't know that these people were once my friends. And they shared my work and enjoyed it as I enjoyed theirs. They told me things about themselves and I was happy to know them. These people who then decided I was a terrible human being. Based on one thing I said that was taken completely out of context. It's almost as if they have shared it so many times now with their own backstory that it's a canon truth. I'm the worst human to ever walk the earth. Forget about all the good things I did for you. I'm scum.

If you're still reading this, you're probably thinking boo hoo what a victim complex. Maybe you're right. Maybe I do have a victim complex. Like everyone else here I have mental health problems and I'm on the spectrum. I have trauma. As part of my adhd I have rejection sensitivity which means when I'm cornered I tend to fight back with justifications as to why I behaved the way I did. I guess that's what I'm doing now. Trying to explain myself. Again. Although what good it'll do, I dont know. And I think right now, it no longer matters.

And yet I still see that I'm being talked about. I'm still getting accused of sending anons to other blogs when I was literally just existing here in my peaceful little corner, everyone who had ever taken issue with me blocked or unfollowed. I didn't know what was going on over there, I was trying to just enjoy reading and writing. My anxiety could never cope with sending a hateful anon, I know there's ways of finding out where they come from and revealing the blogs who send them and it's like that story we're all told about peeing in the pool and turning the water a different colour. I don't fuck with that shit.

If, for any particular reason, I've ever hurt anyone here to them I do issue a heartfelt apology because it has never been and never will be my intention. I said some awful things in the heat of the moment when I was receiving alot of hate and death threats regarding the AI edit a friend of mine made with audio from one of my fics. I was under so much pressure. I wanted it all to just stop. I just wanted everyone to be able to enjoy whatever made them happy. I am sorry for the things I said during that time. Im a human being. I am flawed. However..

I do not believe that people lose their rights to their body the minute they climb into bed with someone. And that's precisely what I say in the infamous screenshot. I just hope for anyone who has seen it that they now understand that it was said with love and understanding and support. I would never disregard anyones trauma or triggers. Never. And that is why I believe in giving people all the information they require before consuming media and art.

With all this said, I sincerely hope that it's clear that all I want to do is write. It's all ive ever done and all I will ever really be any good at doing. I'm proud of the fics I've put out here on my old blog and this one too. I don't care about how many notes they get, just that one or two people read it and enjoy it. And I hope you all know that I'm a nice person, too. So are a lot of blogs who have been villainised recently. This witch hunt has got to stop. We have got to start listening to each other with peace and understanding and not jump to conclusions. Not make people out to be something they simply aren't.

I want to curate a loving space here. A safe and nurturing space for anyone to feel free within. I want people to know they can jump in my asks and know that I will love them. I want everyone, of every race and every gender and ever creed of this world to know they are welcome and accepted here. Like a wise man that we all know and love once said. I'm not the person they say I am. I never was. And I think some of them know that. It is my greatest hope that any of you who wish to stick around get to know me for yourselves.

It is my greatest wish that those blogs who are still spouting hate about me really grow and heal. Or even better, pop on over and get to know me? I think it's important to understand why you might hate someone and not just from unreliable sources. If you think that I am some sort of s/a supporter who revels in writing that sort of thing then I'd be glad to dispel that myth.

I'm not going to speak on this again because I feel that I've moved on. This blog is my creative outlet and always will be. And as I've stated above its a safe and loving space for all. I'm reclaiming the fun. And hopefully some of you will stick around for it. And if not, I bid you a farewell. With nothing but love in my heart.

[turnstechgodhead]

Le sign... speaking of the server,

dirk is encouraging me to be more firm on my own thoughts for my comfort

i've seen ppl talk about it in stream a lil which im always like I Don't Care when it pops up but i've had Enough and i want to talk about the topic bc it's itching at my brain follicles.

since we're pretty strider-oriented, this had to happen at some point: strider cest/strilonde cest/in cest wont be allowed in the main server. if other people don't care, i might make a separate server.

-"hey why is that ^ something you would allow? pretty insane." / "are you a pro shipper then??"

no

"so you're an anti?"

also no

i dislike this argument as a whole bc i don't 'get it' i guess because im audhd. neither side is fully correct nor fully wrong.

"fiction affects reality." and "fiction is not reality." are two different thought processes that can and should coexist in the same space.

look. fiction can affect reality, but it IS also possible to separate from it. you can para or whatever responsibly. tag it. try to make sure people who don't want to see it don't have to see it. and if minors are getting sent your shit, make sure its clear that this should NOT be happening in reality. if you're a child, keep that shit blocked. it's NOT for you and you should not be actively consuming it. (please listen to this advice bc i grew up on the internet barely supervised, from a very unhealthily early age [7-8] and then developed into a fucked up hypersexual.) (seeing something fucked up and being like AUGH my eyes! is normal because that just. happens. thats life. you deal with it afterwards in some way. talking to someone you trust etc. you do not go back for more i am begging.) (if someone is showing you these things on purpose then please read this website all the way through for me ok?)

you should not be looking at an adult exploring/enjoying fucked up shit

videogames are not going to make you or me more violent by having violence, gore, and murder in them. but videogames DO make some people violent. those people should not have access to these things. but we (you and i) cannot control that beyond making sure content is labelled and set aside. i like playing games where i assassinate people. i am not an assassin. someone could play the same game and get terrible ideas they act on. this is not my fault for playing the game.

and, if you're an adult who likes fucked up shit (me too) tag your shit or have it listed somewhere on your about that it's something you post about frequently there. and maybe reiterate that it's not real. its just toys. and should never be followed irl. yeah, it fuckin sucks that we gotta do this shit, but kids are unfortunately on the internet, with the inability to differentiate grey from black and white. your shit might be the first exposure. which sucks!! so it's our responsibility to try and mitigate harm on both sides unfortunately until we can convince parents to start parenting their children again. which sucks. i just wanna post shit in peace but the buzzing around from very loud teenagers makes me anxious. i get it.

it fucking sucks!!! but we can't control other people, especially if theyre malicious

but you control what YOU see on the internet. block anyone. (i blocked someone back in the day for disliking johndave. be free.) and help people do that (control what they see) by making it very clear. you aren't evil for not wanting to see it, and other people aren't evil for enjoying fucked up content.

also some of yall on BOTH SIDES do some truly vile shit in the name of this argument when your energy could be spent elsewhere doing shit you like or even doing things that are actually. Helpful.

so i don't like either label i dont want to be associated with either of the sides but if you want to call me one or the other then . Whatever i guess? thats your business, not mine. just know you are not a failure or a freak for not constantly reinforcing and reassuring everyone that you think adults doing their own thing in fictional spaces with little toy dolls (that theyve been doing since the 70s-80s) is gross. you can just think that like. in general and look away because the dolls are dolls. but don't go posting doll horn-knees untagged. that's rude as fuck.

[just-illegal]

AITA for lying to my friend about owning a frog?

Friend- friend is dubious.

Ok, so: I (M) was painting some frogs onto the tower I share with my roommate P (20-something or 30-something?, F), when - we'll call him J (can't be older than 20, M) - walked over to me and asked if we had any frogs. I gave him a vague answer, to see what he'd say, and he seemed to think we did... and he got super excited at the concept of frogs. He even offered a lifetime supply of food for it! Now, we didn't have any, but I did know a group of wild frogs with prophetic powers (long story), and I brought him to them, kind of killed one in front of him, and gave him the grandmaster frog (1537 and 2 months, M) as a sign of peace.

However, from the moment I gave it to him, I knew he was gonna kill it. Just felt it in my bones, you know?

I confessed to P what I had done, and she scolded me, reminding me that frogs were our thing and no one else on the server was supposed to have them. I knew I had messed up, but I told her that we could always just steal it back.

The next time we saw J, not soon after actually, we threatened him and asked where he had hid the frog. He was confused, I told P he had taken it from me, he told her about the food thing, and she started asking me all sorts of questions like I was the one who did something wrong! Asking me why I didn't tell her about the food offer, asking me why I would even take that offer up because we can steal from them so easily... We then got back to threatening him about the location of the frog, and he got super cryptic about it! Saying we didn't need to know, but that the frog was safe, and that he had renamed it.

After our talk with J, P and I started looking for the frog. She was gonna act as distraction as I went through their house, but it had been burned down a bit ago (long story) and I sort of wimped out and walked up to J and his friend instead. J said I had double crossed him for some reason, and when I made an offer he said he was tired of my deals?

I went and apologized to the frogs afterwards, don't you worry. They forgave me, but I knew I would have to make things right.

Will update you guys on developments, but I just wanted to post this now because I want to know if I'm really in the wrong or not.

Edit 1: I got the perfect opportunity today, so I decided to just steal it. I had to tell the frogs first, and picked one to act as a decoy.

I did manage to save it, and I brought it back home and hid it in a wall in the basement stairwell. Next, there was only one thing left to do: ask J to let us see the frog. He was a bit apprehensive, but I reminded him that we're great friends, and he promised to think it over.

He did make up his mind and let me see the frog eventually, but it turned out to be a ploy to kidnap me in an obsidian box! P did save me, don't worry! I still can't believe he would trick me like that, though...

He did later find the frog missing, and got super mad at me, like I'd done anything wrong!

By the way, I showed P the frog, safe and sound, and she was super proud of me!

Also, people have been asking for elaboration on the stuff I've said were long stories, but... they're long stories, and this post is already getting super long. Maybe I'll elaborate someday.

[hotpinkboots]

HAPPY B- DAY SIS ! I GOT A CAKE (with dhmis characters XD ) could you make Headcanons with red guy and a reader who got bulled ok um.. BYE! ( hope you like the cake )

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~ℝ𝕖𝕕 𝔾𝕦𝕪 x Bullied!Reader Headcanons~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH, SWEETHEART, I LOOOOOVE MY CAKE!!!

~Enjoy~

★★★★

ℝ𝕖𝕕 𝔾𝕦𝕪

★★★★

~Oh honey, let me tell you, he is PISSED.

~Whoever is bullying you better look out.

~This depends on the level of bullying, of course.

~It might start with a little:

~"Hey. Don't do that. That's not...very nice. Stop."

~But if it gets too much, so much to where it's truly ruining you, he might even work up the anger and courage to yell.

~And it's not fun when Red has to raise his voice.

~Red is more of a quiet, "let me sit in the corner and deal with whatever is happening, I don't have a choice anyway" type of guy, of course.

~So it might seem like he's not sticking up for you.

~And he knows that. He feels bad about it.

~Red isn't one to truly commit to anything...

~But he's certainly committed to you.

~He wants to be committed to his darling, even if he also wants to just lay there and do nothing.

~So he will let you rant to him. Red isn't very good with his words, but he's a wonderful listener....

~Red knows this is beyond, "But I just tell it to pipe down!".

~He won't give you some dumb advice like, "Just don't listen to them", he knows better than to say something stupid! If he can't think of something useful to say, he won't say anything at all, and will apologize that it happened to you, and offer you a nice little hug.

~Red would feel beyond upset (while doing a good job of hiding it) if you began to cry.

~Now it's not just a nice little hug, it's a wonderful big hug, which Red doesn't do often to anybody other than you.

~Now it's the whole "class when the quiet kid gets angry" thing.

~He's gonna go confront those scrubs. Nothing will go wrong, anyway, because even if something happens, he somehow...always ends up safe back at home...

~And he shall start by being nice about it- which, of course, probably doesn't work.

~Unfortunately, he'll have to get mean.

~"What? Listen, I'm asking you to knock it off, because you're really-"

~Those cruel bullies obviously take advantage of how quiet he is by talking over him to fight with him.

~"and I'm- oh my God--I'M ASKING YOU TO KNOCK IT OFF!"

~Oh.

~He yelled.

~Well, that certainly shook the Earth...

~Believe it or not, those punks are gonna get a real fight out of Red. Nobody can rile up Red. It seems impossible, but if it's for you, he'll push himself to do things he doesn't really like to do.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Darling, requesting something like this can only mean that you really are getting bullied, or have been bullied in the past. Listen, honey, bullies only bully because they feel small and alone, so if they can make somebody else feel small and alone, too, they feel better about themselves.

Whatever anybody says to you, you keep shining like the bright star you are. Nobody can dim your light, even if it's blocked by clouds for a little bit- They always clear, dear.

As Mama Ru (RuPaul) once said:

"What other people think of me is not my business. What I do is what I do. How people see me doesn’t change what I decide to do. I don’t choose projects so people don’t see me as one thing or another. I choose projects that excite me."

You're so much more than what you think you are.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rules/Masterlist (Scroll Down For The Masterlist)!

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Join my Chat/Roleplay Server! Here, you'll get updates on my videogame/fanfiction, make friends, and meet new roleplay buddies!:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~Love, PinkBoots

[bleue-flora]

https://www.tumblr.com/bleue-flora/750480278369222656/hate-to-intervene-on-the-discussion-about-the?source=share

sorry late replyy ahh ok I cant believe i just forgot about that part. I litterally wrote out the whole transcript after watching it in my docs and somehow forgot that Tommy wasn't being genuine there. My bad. You're right. Also, with Punz getting closure you've swayed me, I didn't interpret it like that before genuinely.

About the nuke not going off and the no reset, I think the bit at the end showed that both dream and tommy were going to work together, not exactly become friends. I think regardless of their anger with each other, lack of genuine apology, and different methods. They would've of found a way to compromise on how to 'fix the server' I've seen some people theorise that Dream would have gotten rid of the revival book and given up asap. And then Punz would want to stick to the plan and ditch Dream. I mean I don't know entirely about that. It makes it sound like Punz only cared about the book when on so many occasions he has defended Dream. No idea what will happen with the book. Dream didn't believe it was too late anymore, and was relatively open to change, But he is going to take a while to come into terms with what happened, like you said it would take time. maybe the compromise is using the book sparingly but i guess that ruins the point

tommy and tubbo are morally against the revival book and would never agree to go by those methods and majority of the server probably agrees with them except foolish, potentially sapnap since he had the death book, and quackity who wanted the revive book but he'd never work with dream and theres others that I'm forgetting. tommy going back to causing problems?, I agree with however I could see him being more perceptive of the people around him, and avoiding dream now that he realizes dreams human, maybe Im gullible but i interpreted his actions in the final stream as feeling empathetic even though not apologising properly except for the nuke. Theres also the consequences that tubbo would face for setting off a nuke to begin with, that and the fight with dream xd but ig since theres no reset then dream xd got defeated? idk also what happens to lazar and vikk r they just left dead lol. its like 5am for me

Yooo please share the transcript, I love to study them for writing dialogue.

Yea I mean I do think they would try and compromise and work together in some capacity, but I guess what I was saying was I struggle to see Tommy’s behavior change. Maybe I’m wrong, but the fact that their was not genuine admission of guilt or remorse makes me think that Tommy wouldn’t stop being a menace and hurting Dream if the nuke hadn’t happened and Dream wouldn’t stop trying to stop Tommy with whatever means necessary. Maybe I’m wrong though. I don’t know honestly, there’s a lot of variables at play with two very broken, impulsive and emotional characters. So I’m not sure what would have happened if the nuke hadn’t happened (with Tubbo or XD or whatever as well… that shall remain up to people’s aus and fanfiction). But I don’t think things would change between them as fast as we think. If they ever did apologize to each other, it would take time and healing for that to happen. And like they wouldn’t just magically start getting along. In other words, whatever happened next would be complicated and messy, and probably not work out anyways because some of the other characters aren’t about to just let Dream back into the fold.

Having said that, from my understanding it wouldn’t be that Punz or Dream would give up the revive book (it’s not like they can get rid of it since it’s knowledge lol XD), more so just not go through with their plan to kill everyone or whatever. And I certainly don’t think Punz only cared about the book or would continue with the plan without Dream. They were friends before, Punz isn’t just Dream’s friend for payment or immortality and the revive book. 

But anyways… clingy duo are kinda funny in their anti-revive book stance because they really weren’t at first and honestly as Dream actually highlights in the finale [clip] if Tommy had killed himself, would he have been fine with being in limbo - and Tommy does not answer. I I think they were more against the idea of immortality, but missing the point that people on the server seem to be dying well before getting to more natural causes of death like old age - so basically Death is all good and well if it's not premature (and preferably someone else). Like, literally when he does die a few minutes later, he begs Dream and Punz to bring him back. So, while clingy duo talk all high and mighty about the revive book being bad, when push comes to shove, they don’t want to end up in limbo (despite being more than willing to send Dream there). And do the other server members not agree with the revive book? Like I’m not sure that’s true, I don’t particularly remember people talking about how people should stay dead. In fact, people seem to have forgotten about the book so much so that Sapnap is caught off guard by the book when he and Dream talk after the prison break. (where he then immediately wants to get his hands on it…). So I'm not so sure the majority of the server are really against it... 'But that's just a theory. A dream smp theory! Thank for reading.' ;D

[fortpeat]

Hi! I hope you are doing ok. I know this might be coming out of the blue, but I feel the need to spread the word so other fans can see this and not go through the same that I have been. I recently joined a FortPeat server on Discord. I saw the invite on a tumblr tag and I thought it could be a good idea since most fandom spaces I've been in were usually wholesome and nice to meet new people and talk about the things we all have in common and love. I will be honest with you that I had actually thought the server had something to do with your account since I always see you in the fortpeat tags (I don't really use my tumblr account, I'm more of a lurker, I just recently got into the fortpeat fandom) and you always seemed to be like a lovely person. I was actually told by this server owner that you were also one of the server owners at some point, and I remember seeing one of your posts talking about "the discord incident"… I have no idea if both of these things are related to each other, but I understood immediately after talking to this server owner why you'd leave that place. This server is extremely toxic. I and another member were kicked out simply because we harboured a different opinion than the one from the server owner. She is a grown-ass woman and treats people in a really childish manner. She's condescending and passive-aggressive. She deleted our messages for no good reason and then said we were free to leave if we were not happy with her rules. The other member called her out on it and this is what got us kicked out. That was it. Nothing else. I thought for a second that I could've been somewhat rude, but another member of the server reached out to me in private to tell me this had happened many times before and that neither I nor the person who was kicked out were rude. So, my point with this ask is I hope whoever's still stuck in that graveyard filled with toxicity, please leave as soon as possible. I had other people reaching out to me since then to tell me that they also experienced really bad things there. I'm really sorry if you went through some shit because of it, but yeah. I hope the owner reflects on her attitude if she intends on keeping up with a server she clearly has, currently, zero capabilities of running if this is how she treats her members. Thank you so much, and I am sorry for the huge ask. I think it's important to let people know when fandom spaces are nasty. Love your blog! 🤍

Hi Nonnie ✨🥰

First of all sorry for the late response I needed some time to think through a proper response since it's a sensitive topic and I am typing this out while in the middle of a program and my Wifi is wacky so I don't know when you might get this 🫣

Now I am not gonna lie, when I first received this ask I was sceptical about even posting this. I tend to avoid all kinds of drama as I quite don't have the time for that but then I realized won't that mean I too am ignoring you the same way the server owner did and essentially cutting you off and I am not that kind of person. I believe that everyone deserves to have their opinion heard and from what you told me I think you deserve it especially when you are definitely not in the wrong.

But first things first. I am so sorry you went through something like that. Nobody deserves it least of someone who joined a server believing that it might be something good. I will tell you it used to be good but then everything kind of fell apart. I left that server back in Nov due to personal reasons and a disagreement with the server owner.

Now the discord incident.. it was more or less connected to this but it was also me and my best friend joking around coz the both of us have had bad experiences with it. I never thought anyone would pay attention to it 🫣🫣😂. Now I don't want to dish out my personal experiences publicly like this so if you ever want to talk privately my DMS are always open 🥰 I promise it to be safe space for you and anyone who wants to talk.

I would also like to thank you for opening up like this I am sure it must not have been easy to trust me especially after your experience. I hope in the future this doesn't cloud your judgement towards future servers you might want to join. There are lots of lovely people in the fandom and there are some in that very server as well.

Also thank you for raising this awareness. I never would have thought things would get this bad there. That too in a server that represents our beautiful Fortpeat and Paisky who has taught us nothing but the importance of proper communication 🥺🥺

I hope you have a good day nonnie 🥰✨

Here's some Fortpeat hugs to feel better 🥹🥰

[jellybeanium124]

I still cannot get over how so many restaurants in 2024 don't have milk alternatives. apparently around 68% of adults are lactose intolerant. that's the MAJORITY!!! most adults cannot process milk, but all you have for my diner coffee is dairy?? ok maybe most people don't get as sick as I do. I've voluntarily cut quite a lot of dairy from my diet and do not drink straight milk or eat ice cream anymore because it will put me in that much pain, but the majority of adults experience some form of discomfort and you have no alternative for us?? NADA?? how is this acceptable??

I'm so glad we're not longer in the 2014 making-fun-of-people-who-get-starbucks-with-milk-alternatives era, but I feel like the effect of that era still hasn't worn off, because I am genuinely more concerned about my request for a milk alternative in my coffee to be ignored than my request to keep my food away from tree nuts at restaurants, even tho the former will just make me sick and the latter will potentially send me to the hospital/kill me. Like at a coffee place I triple check that my order was made with almond milk when they hand it to me, versus at a restaurant I never feel the need to ask the server if my food was kept away from nuts when it's served to me. It's probably because people know nut allergies are serious that I feel safer, versus the fact that society doesn't take lactose intolerance seriously in any way.

also, and I am the wrong person to talk about this but I feel like I can't bring up the lack of accommodation for people with lactose intolerance without mentioning it... is this racist? google tells me only ~20% of white adults are lactose intolerant, while like 70-90% of adult people of color are. it also makes me wonder about the fact that the image in the public consciousness of the 2014 era people-who-get-milk-alternatives-from-starbucks-to-be-trendy/frivolous is a 15-25yo white girl/woman. anyways like I said I am not the right person to be leading this discussion but I just felt like I couldn't ignore it.

anyways in conclusion if you're an establishment that serves milk get at least 1 fucking alternative, and preferably get the main three so people can have options (for some reason oat milk also makes me sick, so if the only alternative is oat milk I'm still kinda fucked, and my preference is almond. I'm sure other people have preferences for soy or oat of course so I think all 3 should be available for the 70% OF US WHO CANNOT DIGEST MILK!!!).

[spangelmybeloved]

12 and 13 for the ask game?

12. the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

Ok this one will not be a surprise to those of you who know me, but Riley. I don't do a ton of Rileyposting on this webbed sight but anyone who has the "pleasure" of sharing a discord server with me knows that I do not shut up about that man. He did nothing wrong. Ok maybe he did a few things wrong but honestly most of the Buffyverse characters have so... it's fine. I still love him. I think he deserved better from the writers, much more could have been done to expand upon all the Initiative stuff and how it affected him. Nonetheless, I still find his character very compelling and interested. Also if we're talking villains I think the fandom is sleeping on Maggie Walsh, like, no powers, her intelligence and resources are her biggest weapon/strength, I really think they should have let her be the big bad of S4. It would have been really different to have a 100% human (no powers etc) as the villain and introduced a lot more moral complexity if done well. Anyway, I rarely see her make anyone's top villains lists, which makes me kinda sad.

13. worst blorboficiation

Oookay I have Opinions on this one.

Firstly, Anya. I'm sorry. I just don't see the appeal. I personally find her irritating.

Secondly, Tara. She's quite boring in my opinion.

I do feel like sometimes Spike gets the "poor little meow meow" treatment a bit too much...I feel like people forget than soulless!Spike (especially in like. S2 and early S4) is pretty darn evil. I do like Spike, I do, I just struggle with the way the fandom sometimes portrays him.

[donnerpartyofone]

So what happened yesterday was, I had stupidly run out of the methylphenidate ER dose that I'm currently on, and decided to take two of the lower dose that I had left over from before. (Ironically I completely flaked on a doctor's appointment for the first time in my life when I was supposed to get the current script refilled, I just got so sick I forgot what was happening, but if you're going to flake on a doctor's appointment I guess it might as well be an ADHD appointment) I thought that the "slightly higher" dose from the two pills wouldn't bother me, I mean I've taken drugs before, but about half way through the day I was suddenly struck with a jarring, physical panic. Fortunately my blood pressure cuff thing didn't say I had to rush to the hospital, but I remained on high alert for the rest of the day and night, which may have colored my perception of what happened.

(don't get too excited, it's just weird)

I took the ferry to see my friend's demonic horror movie (the ferry is a highly underrated form of local transit, it is awesome especially on a rainy night), which was cute, and I love being at the movies even though you always run the risk that other people will taint your experience. Even the religious dogma of the Alamo Drafthouse doesn't stop people from being assholes, and sure enough as soon as a couple of young women (early 20s? idk) sat next down next to me, I started to smell this hot, spitty, artificial sweetener smell, and I realized oh no this bitch is chewing gum. I have a good amount of misophonia and gum is my enemy in any circumstance, but the girl was fully snapping the gum and blowing bubbles for the first 15-20 minutes of the movie. (She had to get rid of it when their cookies arrived) That was a tough one because even if I were the kind of broad who picks fights with strangers, it would be hard to win a fight about chewing in a business that is serving food...but anyway when the server came through to get them situated, they had some sort of altercation that left them both in hysterics. The second the lights came back on they both started ranting about how the server was sooo mean to them because apparently when they sat down one of them took her shoes off, and she was told to put them back on. This girl is going "I'M GONNA LOOK THAT UP AND SEE IF IT'S A REAL RULE! I BET IT'S NOT EVEN A RULE!" as if "no shirt no shoes no service" hasn't been a national punchline for decades and it's just a random and petty punishment that certain eateries uphold to be perverse. I guess also when the guy asked to pre-swipe a card for them so they wouldn't have to pay in the middle of the movie they didn't understand him and that made them mad, and then they were mad that he put the cookies on "the wrong table" (the one between them) as if they weren't both eating them. Like ok guys, I was young once, I too have been rude and been mildly corrected by an adult and been so humiliated that I had to make up a big story about how the adult is an insane person who hates me personally. I was 12 once, too. But holy shit you are old enough to get into this late R-rated movie, do your parents usually take you or what the fuck is your problem?

So as I was leaving I looked up the best way to get home (too late for ferry) and the apps were all giving me a big red Storm Warning warning that I had never seen before and suggesting that trains were running very irregularly or not at all until tomorrow. Outside it was warm and misty, not remotely as stormy as it had been when I arrived. What was going on? I got lost going to what was supposed to be the station with the earliest train, went into the station with the MOST trains, and just decided to just take whatever train came first going in the vaguely-right direction. The world outside the theater seemed to have become very apocalyptic while I was in there, and I was intensely watching my back. When I saw a tall thin woman all in black shuffling down the platform, I did a double take; my first impression was that her face was covered in blood. When I looked again I saw that she had bright red, very wet makeup of some kind smeared from her nose to her chin. The rest of her face was covered in a similar substance that was pitch black. She was not white, is the only other detail I was sure of. I couldn't evaluate the situation. Is this a performance? Is she dangerous? Is she in danger? What should I do? My train came before I could figure it out.

gif by @brody75 stupid tumblr wouldn't give it to me normally

A few stops later, the apps said that I should go outside and get a bus that would come in 25 minutes. Ugh, but at least it's coming. As soon as I got outside the apps said that I should have stayed underground and taken another train that was coming in 1 minute. I couldn't even run back in for that because the machine had done something fucked up to my card when I tried to refill it and I was forced to use the transfer for the bus, oh fucking well. So I'm waiting for the bus and I see this other bus coming from the opposite direction with its display flashing "EMERGENCY - CALL 911". I've been living here for a long time and I had never seen anything like that. Was it a real instruction for me? Or was it one of our cop-obsessed mayor's many advertisements for the cops that seem to be everywhere, constantly telling you where are the nearest cops to every location and how you should go find them and give them something to do? The bus pulled up to its stop across the street and I could see that there was just one passenger on it. It seemed scary. A load of people got on at that stop, I wanted to think at least one of them had a uniform on but I wasn't sure. At that moment my bus pulled up. I let everybody else on first and then I told the driver, "That bus across the street is flashing a CALL 911 sign." I thought he would know what to do. Drivers seem to look out for each other. He just stared at me. It was the blankest stare I'd ever seen. He didn't move and he didn't make a sound. I repeated myself and I pointed "That one, over there, is he ok?" ...or whatever I said, I was kind of freaking out. He just nodded, once, and kept staring at me. Then he put it in drive and I sat down.

also @brody75

I had wanted to spend all night working on this project I'm under deadline for--I might as well with all the extra amphetamines in my system--but I could no longer concentrate. I felt like I was in Jacob's fucking Ladder. I also felt like a complete asshole for not helping anyone. I don't know. I never know what to do. I'm constantly getting lost and I have no money and I'm small and clumsy and I don't feel safe with strangers and I don't automatically trust cops and I'm also fairly stupid and cowardly and I don't know how anything works. It's hard for me to imagine taking charge of any situation even when it seems like the choice should be obvious because of instructions or just decency. Also when you start helping people when do you stop? I often think of this standup bit by [cancelled comedian I don't want to argue about] where he describes a younger relative visiting him in the city for the first time, and she's shocked by the first really dire homeless person she sees in Port Authority. She goes rushing over to him and when the comedian stops her she says, "You mean he doesn't need our help?" and he says "Oh no, he needs you desperately! We just don't do that here." And I mean yes, ha ha cynicism, but it's more like how do you even begin to deal with individual instances of a problem that is so huge and ubiquitous that even the large support systems in place can barely handle it. One time in the dead of winter I posted a picture of a pigeon that was so puffed up it was hilariously huge and spherical, and someone scolded me about how "that's a baby" and if I see it again I should transport it to a rehab center. They obviously didn't understand the scale of the photo and must have mistaken the puffery for juvenile down, but it's also like, if I start helping pigeons when will it stop? I've helped a number of animals either get out of a snag or get to rehab when they were obviously incapacitated or sick, but if I lowered my threshold of intervention to "a pigeon that looks cold or uncomfortable", it would never end. Technically probably every rat and pigeon in the city needs some kind of medical attention, they say rats here have diseases that haven't even been identified by science, but what's the actual, rational response for individual citizens?

Anyway I have totally ruined my own weird freaky spooky one-crazy-night anecdote with this awkward musing about what people are supposed to do for each other, and I have made it very clear that I am terrible in an emergency and do not help people. And I'm already imagining arguments with tumblr randos who are always handing out authoritative ethical advice about what to do in every situation, in a way that reveals that they have no real life experience of their own. And now I need to like get to my stupid telehealth visit with the doctor I flaked on last week, and stop being insane, and go back to work. I don't really know why I write these things down. I guess I must have to.

[lanaevyssmoved]

FRAY.... im sorry if youve thought of this b4 (i havent read candor's oc page yet sorry if im wrong.....) but isnt he a deva ?!?!? WITH GOD GALE NOW IN PLAY.... what if he was. deva serving under god of ambition!gale 👀

ok so candor is a solar. which is, going by the highest deva rank, 2 ranks above deva. devas can become solars if they achieve great things and Want to, as angels ascending to higher forms is a choice. the one before solar is planetar. the full Tier List of angels is

agathinon

light

deva

planetar

solar

i will tell you now picking what candor was took me weeks. i even had different ones on it's oc page. you read through my dms with aisling and null and it's me changing my mind every damn DAY. this also means that's retaining candor lore from when candor was a deva (monadic deva - to be exact). however there is a very key difference between all the angels and solar. solar choose who they serve, and are free to change their mind whenever they want. they are angels with free will.

so in terms of gold!gale, candor would have to deem gale worthy enough to serve. candor currently serves lathander, and has done for thousands of years, because it found lathander to be a god worthy of it. now - would candor leave lathander for gale? absolutely not. would candor without a god choose to server gale? absolutely not.

candor fucking despises gale. candor told afhiri that they should kill gale because he's a danger to them, and to everyone. to the balance of the universe, to the upper planes and everything that exists in this moment. candor has always found gale to be bad ^_^

so.. oh my god. gale is the god of ambition now? an extremely dangerous thing for a god to hold domain over? gale, there was a reason there was no god of ambition.

there's some hints in raphael's new ending (requires him to have been promised the crown, left alone and god gale to happen) which tell us that gale does exactly what i had already had candor assuming - that gale will bring ruin to the heavens.

candor would probably be a leader of an army charging onto gale's doorstep to behead him. ^_^ i love making ocs who oppose everything my favourite character stands for

if we were to consider an au where candor did serve god!gale..... it would not last long, and would end in candor trying to kill gale again.

would candor beat gale on a 1:1 fight? well - a god can only die in it's home plane. and a solar can only die on it's home plane. so already we're at a standstill. if candor invades gale's new plane of ambition, gale can be killed there, but gale also controls everything there so it would be extremely hard. but candor also can't die, but candor's form can be destroyed and candor will have to be reborn - and sometimes when solar's are reborn they do not come back as solars, but as aasimar and lose a great deal of their power - so candor would not want to lose. so fighting gale like this is foolish. so gale needs to be weakened. that would require a loss of followers, most likely all of them unfortunately - which could be doable if you find a way to cut off their ability to pray - but it would also take a lot of time for a god to become weak enough for what we want. so.. we have a new idea. god!gale tells us the crown of karsus is protected with all his power in his plane. if one were to get the crown and destroy it, gale would lose his godhood.. immediately. the karsus weave would be destroyed. yadada. so the real plan here would be to keep the lad distracted while other people go for the crown. so can candor beat gale in a 1:1? no, candor would need friends. but candor would also not die. ^_^

so unfortunately it would not happen. gale would need to manipulate and control candor to keep it, which is something i don't want god!gale to become. despite how clearly terrible god!gale is for everything...... but i do have a way we can make this work

afhiri ^_^ in my 3 years later fic afhiri and gale ascend together. they do it a completely different way without the crown. we're not getting into that rn. anyway

afhiri and gale would obviously serve together in the same way god!gale ends, separate gods with their own domains but they are very clearly still together, and gale would help you settle into becoming a god.

while candor would absolutely still be incredibly murderous over god!gale even if afhiri has ascended, it does put a spanner in the works. and actually becomes incredibly painful. so i've never thought past the ascension in my fic, it ends dead there and what happens next is anyones guess. ascending is the end of their story. but if we are thinking of the actual new epilogue, 6 months later not my 3 years later - what would candor do once this happens? i would assume the entire time gale has been a god candor has been campaigning to get people to side with it to go kill gale. but now afhiri has ascended?

see i can see candor serving afhiri. very easily in fact. afhiri would not send ripples across the heavens and bring ruin with something like Ambition, gods no. but can i see candor being essentially neutralised by afhiri to not kill gale? it was already neutralised once before the ascension, and candor is probably feeling a large amount of regret for not killing gale while he was mortal. i honestly don't know.

see raphael's ending does not change if you ascend too. it still talks like you haven't ascended. raph talks about after you have died all this shit will happen - so talking like you're a mortal who will die of old age. raph's ending doesn't take you into account! so completely ignoring it/adding a romance portion - could you stop gale from bringing ruin?

if you could stop gale from bringing ruin.. candor could be passified. if you couldn't? well. candor is leading the army to gale's doorstep and it will be one hell of a war ^_^