#also managed to guess the password for the account first try. let's go

[softwaluigi]

man. having a lot of unexpected feelings looking at my old roblox account

[tonycries]

Freak On The Cam! - C.K.

Synopsis. Choso always loved watching you - his pretty lil’ camgírl - from behind the screen. Who knew he’d love being on-screen with you even more?

Pairing. Choso Kamo x Reader

Content. MDNI, fem! reader, camgírl! reader, spítting, Choso has rings and piercings, first times + loss of vírginity (Choso’s), oral (fem receiving), exhíbitionism, DOWN BAD Choso, cúmplay, use of “ma’am”, Sukuna is a menace, víbrators, light jealousy (Choso’s), some HEINOUS things, pet names, swearing.

Word count. 6.5k

A/N. Meant to post this last week but hehe here we are. Also I’ve GOT to stop using Unc-kuna so much lmao.

“Wanna see a movie or do you wanna make one?”

Choso was screwed. Completely and utterly screwed. So badly, in fact, that he might as well just wipe off every trace of himself online and go into hiding - preferably forever.

All because he had been so stupidly careless as to leave his phone unattended for exactly 1 minute and 47 seconds around Sukuna. 

In the time it took Choso to raid the kitchen for his favorite brand of cereal, his uncle had managed to open his Twitter (because “that’s where all the juicy stuff is”), stalk your pretty page at the very top of his last searched, and send a god-awful pick-up line that would probably get him blocked. Or worse.

Damnit, he knew he shouldn’t have made his password Yuji’s birthday.

“Ya should be thankful I didn’t DM her myself, brat.” Sukuna chuckles, not even a shred of regret in his tone, way too amused with how Choso was frantically trying to tackle the phone out of his hands. “What’s the harm in asking? Such a pretty camgirl, n’ you look like you need some good pu-”

“She’s also my classmate.”

“Kinky. Even better.” 

No, not “even better”. God, this must be some kind of cosmic joke, and Choso just wished the Earth would swallow him up whole right now - and maybe his phone along with it too. 

It had taken him almost a whole semester to work up the courage to just sit next to you during your shared lecture. All gorgeous with your bright smiles, and your smart mouth. And Choso was very much content to admire you from afar - and from behind his phone screen, of course.

Never following, never liking. Never tipping you off as one of your hundreds of thousands of fans.

And now, not only had Sukuna revealed that he’d found your secret Twitter account - the one with those sinful little clips of yourself that had Choso opening the app way too much - he’d also propositioned you. Like some creep.  

“Ugh. This is why women hate you.” Still desperately grappling, he spits out more to himself than Sukuna at this point. “B-besides, she’s never even gonna respond any-”

Ping!

And the Itadori household had never been quieter. Never, on a random Saturday during spring break. Never, as the two men crowd the phone, jaws dropped and staring wordlessly at the singular message on screen. You. 

“Let’s make one ;)”

---

“So s’not a stream this time, jus’ a video. Is that okay?”  You hum from your desk, glancing at the man seated on your bed as he hastily nods along with whatever you said. Looking like he’d rather be anywhere but here. 

Weird. 

It had only been a few days of back and forth since you’d gotten that first text - the one that you’d honestly thought about blocking like the thousands of others. But there was just something about it that made you stop, something that had you clicking on the profile to delve a little deeper.

It hit you like a semi-truck back then - five of them, in fact - that this was someone in your class. Someone you knew. How the hell did he even find this account? 

You knew Choso as that sweet - albeit slightly gloomy - kid that sat next to you, always quick with his answers and even quicker to look away from your gaze, no matter how hard you tried to spark a conversation. You’d just guessed he was afraid of you or something.

So nothing could’ve prepared you for how ridiculously attractive he looked in that profile picture, all smug grins and dark locks falling effortlessly around his slightly smudged eyeliner. Shirtless, giving just a peak of- oh god, were those nipple piercings?  

Could you really be blamed? You just had to have him.

But, here - it was like he was just itching to run away at the first chance he got. 

“You’re not held at gunpoint, y’know.” you giggle at how he startles at the mere sound of your voice. The mattress dips as you stop fiddling with the camera to sit next to him, thighs flush against his muscled ones. “Are you sure you want-”

“Yes.” 

It seems that both of you were surprised by the abrupt response. Too quick. Choso clears his throat, cheeks flaring as he tries to dredge up some semblance of dignity, he drawls lightly. “I mean- Yes.”

You study him for a moment under the dim lighting, noting the way his hands clench and unclench in his lap, the way his chest rises and falls rapidly as he struggles to control his breathing. He was nervous. Nervous and horny - nothing quite like the suave impression his pick-up line gave off. 

But so irresistible just the same.

“Well…Cho.” you bat your lashes, voice dropping to a seductive whisper - not too heavy, for now at least. “Then why won’t you even look at me?”

Alas, Choso was not a strong man. 

Maybe at your words, maybe at that playful little nickname you gave him, he’s finally raising those dark eyes to look at you. Twinkling with- fear? anticipation? A flicker of something so dangerous as his gaze sweeps greedily over that tight dress you put on just for this occasion. 

Choso tries to ignore how sinfully it hugs all your curves. Or the way it would look a million times better on the floor. 

This was absolute torture. 

And God he thinks he could pass out right then and there as you lean in closer. Too close. The temperature in the room suddenly increasing by about 10 degrees as you purr, tone careful and balanced. “Much better. And now…” 

His breathing becomes heavier, eyes flickering downwards. Once. Twice. 

And you know you’ve got him in the palm of your hand. 

“...all you gotta do is touch me.”

Yeah, if Choso thought he was going to pass out before then he definitely wasn’t ready for those dangerous little words. Ones that have him shaken right to the core - fighting that urge to just take you how he’s imagined all those lonely nights.

“You- huh?” he lets out a shaky laugh, the sound strained as he crosses his legs with the subtlety of a sledgehammer, desperately trying to will away the blood rushing straight to his throbbing cock right now. 

But how could he? Not when you only shift closer, barely even a hair’s breadth between you two - relishing in his strangled gasp as your tits press so enticingly against his arm. Such an adorable pout playing on your lips as you mutter, “Do you not want to?”

And he did. Oh, how he did - has been imagining it for the past five months, in fact. And Choso lets you know, a little twenty times, actually, as the words spill panickedly from his lips. 

“-idiot trying to set me up and I’ve been dreaming of fucking you for so long but I’m just-” Heat rushes to Choso’s cheeks, as he abruptly shuts the fuck up. But it’s too late - the damage has been done.

You give him a wry smile, lips mere inches from his ear. “Just what?”

His breath hitches, muscles rippling so deliciously as he shudders beneath your touch. “I’m a-” Choking out - as if it physically hurts to  admit - “-virgin.”

Oh. 

Now, you might’ve expected many things - but certainly not this. Though, looking at the cute flush on the tips of his ears, all the way down to those big, needy eyes, you don’t mind. Not one bit.

With one, quick glance at the rolling camera - your mouth is moving before your mind. “Do you want me to…do something about it?”

And then it’s like something snapped. 

You don’t know who leans in first, just that Choso’s kissing you. And you’re kissing him - how could you not? 

Because goddammit it was always those pretty lips that you were staring at whenever he was spouting off answers in class. You just never expected he’d be kissing you back with such an infectious desperation. 

No sooner are you thinking about how sweet his lips are before he’s pulling away with a soft sigh, pressing hot open-mouthed kisses down your jaw. Your neck. Back to your lips like he wanted everything and anything.

You gasp licks a long, languid stripe up your neck - maybe at how utterly obscene it felt, maybe at that sharp cold feeling that makes you flinch. Fuck - a tongue piercing? The noise makes Choso’s mouth drop into a quick oh! surging forward to claim your lips again. Addicted. 

Only to be stopped by your hands cupping his face, letting out a pained grunt at how he was so close. Just a hair’s breadth away from your lips.

“Cho~ Open your mouth, baby.” you whisper, hotly. 

And he looked so pretty - dark hair askew, lower lip swollen and quivering with need, brows furrowing because he wanted more of your taste. But he obeys, of course he does, Choso thinks he’ll do anything you asked. And lo and behold, sitting right there in the middle of his tongue was a pretty silver piercing.

You just can’t help but thumb open his mouth further, looking him right in the eyes as you spit in his mouth. Once. Twice. 

“Bet no one else has done this before, huh?” Grinning at how sinfully Choso’s eyes roll to the back of his head at your taste, “Kiss me proper now.”

God, you were so good at throwing away whatever was left of his poor sanity. And it’s all that’s said before his kiss-bitten lips are crashing into yours again. 

“No. No one’s hah- done that before. Only you.” he’s panting into your open mouth, swirling his tongue with yours. “F-fuck only you. Only you only you-”

You barely even realize the way you’re on his lap now, sitting so prettily there that Choso half-deliriously wonders whether he should take a picture. Mind spinning too much with his throbbing erection under your drenched panties, a damp little patch at his fat tip. So hot and heavy already.

“Cho, do you want me to-”

“Yes, ma’am.”

You certainly don’t have to be told twice - especially with that little nickname. Fiddling with his belt, you’re so hazy with want - the need to taste Choso, to see if the rest of him was as sweet as his lips - that you almost miss the look of confusion that flashes across his face.

You bat your lashes at him almost-innocently, “You alright?” And Choso thinks he could cum right there and right now at the sight. If he wasn’t currently battling for his life, that is. 

“Yeah, s’jus’- what I wanted hah- was to…” His hands sneak down, cupping your heated pussy through your drenched panties. “-taste her. ”

“Oh?”

“Are y’gonna teach me how?”

Oh. Fuck.

You know you’re fucked. Completely and utterly fucked.

Only moments later, Choso’s wrestling you back onto the mattress, face-to-face with your sloppy pussy. So mean with the way he was pinning your hips down with one hand, all but ripping your panties off with the other. 

You feel his piercing before his tongue. Both the hot and cold so maddening on your cunt as Choso licks long, lazy stripes up your puffy folds - dragging his hot tongue all the way from your base. Just grazing your swollen clit. 

“Teach me- fuck fuck-” words muffled and slurring together, vibrations going straight to your pussy. “Use me. Use me how you want.”

You’re threading your fingers through his dark locks before you even realize it, grinding your sloppy cunt all over his waiting mouth. “Quirk your tongue like- ngh-” Angling him close enough so he bullies his soft tongue into your tight pussy. Piercing massaging all the right places. “Fuck-”

“Like this?”

“Sh-shit,” you gasp, nodding deliriously. “S’too ngh- good.”

And by God, did you mean it. 

“Yeah? Y’like this?” he’s groaning, wrapping his lips around your swollen clit. “Can feel you clenching around me. Shit shit shit, you love this, huh? So slutty on camera for it?” 

Getting wetter and wetter by the second as his tongue roams for that one-

“Oh! F-fuck, Cho. Right hngh- there. Deeper-”

Ah, found it.

Choso grins as you tug on his soft strands, you can feel it on your throbbing pussy. Pushing your legs all the way till they’re at your tits to hit that little spot each and every time. Again and again. Eyes glassy, torn between devouring that slutty expression on your face and how fucking drenched you were. 

“Shit, baby,” his words are so strained now, like his sanity was dancing away at each flick of his tongue. “You’re drooling everywhere. See? Show the camera now.”

You don’t have to look. Because you can feel it.

Can feel how wet his mouth is, just glistening with slick and saliva. Trailing all the way down his chin - to his wrist - only second to how sloppy your dripping cunt was. It was like he was getting messy on purpose, like a little reminder to himself that shit this was you and he was eating out your pretty cunt to insanity-

“Oh my god, think m’hooked.” Tongue dragging all over your swollen folds, catching on his piercing. “Think your pretty lil’ pussy’s hah- driving me crazy. Ruined me, Fuck-”

And it’s so embarrassing how he’s talking you through it, grinning at every lil’ whine and whimper that leaves your mouth. You were acting all shy right now in a way that makes Choso’s cock twitch so painfully. He barely even notices, though, with the way he was so drunk off your pussy. 

So messy - unable to decide between rolling his tongue over your ravaged clit and dipping into your sloppy hole. Too much. In and out in and-

“Faster.”

He goes faster. 

“H-harder.”

He goes harder.

Anything and everything for you - to keep those pretty moans falling from your lips, walls getting tighter and tighter around his tongue. And Choso might just consider himself a man addicted.

“Can you ngh- cum f’me, baby?” You flinch as he spits out the words into your cunt. Harsh. Fucked-out. Sounding just as delirious and breathless as you. “Cum f’me please. Wan’ to taste y’on my tongue. Please. Fuck- need it so bad. So bad.”

You’re so caught up in Choso’s pussydrunk little babbles that you barely even realize when you’re cumming. Just that you’re letting out a strangled scream of his name, dragging your sloppy pussy all over his mouth. 

And he has never seemed more blissed out. Long gone is that nervous little expression usually on his face around you, Choso looked like he could be suffocated in-between your legs right now and love it. Hope for it, even.

He tells you that, of course. As soon as you’re blinking back your vision, blood still roaring in your ears. Delicate strings of slick snapping where he parts from your quivering cunt, lips swollen and glossed so prettily with your sweet sweet juices. 

“Baby, y’think the video of lesson one came out good?”

Oh. Shit, what have you done?

---

That certainly wasn’t the last time you saw Choso - or the last time you had him in front of a camera, either.

A few weeks later, you found yourself with an entire album for the man - a hidden treasure trove under the simple name of “Cho <3”. Most of the videos favorited, all sorted so tediously in a way that showed you spent an obscene amount of time looking at all the ways he ruined you. 

So filthy on camera that you always wondered whether it was the same person in the sheets and in class, texting Choso for later. Just to confirm. 

But embarrassingly, only some of these videos made their way onto your Twitter account - with Choso’s pretty face largely out of the frame. The two of you hadn’t ventured into streams yet either, opting to hide him away. Because, okay, maybe you were slightly jealous of other people seeing him - but it was really hard not to be when he looked like that.

In spite of all that, you’d still gained a casual hundred thousand more followers since his appearance - ones who always commented on your solo streams asking where your “hot emo bf” was.

Comments you’d pointedly ignore, because, hell, you wished he was here on-stream helping you get off, too. Yet despite the endless flirting and videos, Choso actually hadn’t made it further than actually holding a full conversation with you. And you wanted more. 

For all you know, you might just be one of his many trysts - and it was just for the videos, right? You get the content, he gets the experience? A win-win situation, so why have you never felt more like such a loser?

Such a loser the way you’ve already lost count of the “lessons” but still haven’t gotten to feel him - to fuck him the way you wanted just yet. 

“S’alright if I take this, right, ma’am?” He smirks during one such session, knuckle-deep in your dripping cunt. Dangling your drenched panties like a badge of honor, flimsy and soaked with your sweet sweet juices. “S’alright if I-” And he can’t even finish the sentence. Your jaw drops as Choso raises the thin fabric to his face, breathing in your essence like a man possessed. 

Bzzzt-bzzzt-bzzzzt-

“You’re so filthy, Cho-” you manage to choke out once you find your voice. Squirming on his bed like such a slut for him. “Was the innocent thing just an act?”

“Nope.” he pops the p, licking lewd little circles on your neck, thumbing open your puffy folds to watch in amazement at the way you glisten and clamp around his fingers. Eyes flickering briefly to the recording phone in his hand. “But we gotta give ‘em a good show, huh?”

Right, you’d forgotten about the camera. But none of that matters anyway because-

Intensity setting 2.

“You’re so mean, too.”

“Am I?” he grins, teeth grazing along your racing pulse. “I think you taught that to me, baby. Shit, lesson 8 it was?”

God, he was addictive.

Choso’s having way too much fun playing around with the intensity setting of the bullet vibrator shoved inside your ravaged cunt. Sending quick, methodical vibrations all along your pulsing clit. In time with the breathless moans leaving your kiss-bitten lips, and it’s all you can to call out for- more? Mercy? Both? 

Bzzzt-bzzzt-bzzzzt-

“God, you’re so perfect. Shit, so messy f’me.” he groans, and you could tell that the video wasn’t going to be uploaded anyway. Too shaky, focusing in and out of Choso’s fingers. Knuckle-deep and pumping in and out of your filthy hole. Relentless. “Almost makes me wanna show off to an actual audience.”

“Maybe I want to, too.” you muse, shifting at his heated gaze. Dangerously pressing your thumb over those nipple piercings you’ve gotten to know so well lately - as if to support your point. God you wish he’d take off that snug shirt.

Intensity setting 3.

“That so?”

And no matter how many times Choso’s ruined you on camera - and watched the videos over and over afterwards - he always thought they weren’t enough to capture your perfection. 

“Such a slut f’me, baby.” To capture the exact moment in which your wet lips fall into a soft little oh! when he massages your walls in time with the pulsing vibrator. To capture that absolutely sinfully excited little glint in your eyes as he ruts his clothed erection against your pussy. “Y’always this dirty?” Quickly turning into a look of slight panic at the sudden jingle of keys from the front door. 

“Yo, brat. Where the fuck are ya?”

Ah, there he was, the reason that Choso usually locked his bedroom door whenever you were over, even if he was home alone. 

Intensity setting 4.

As the silence continues, so does Choso’s abuse on your cunt. In fact, he only gets more erratic - like he wanted you to cum. Needed you to cum right now, right here in front of Sukuna, footsteps only growing louder. Nearer.

“Cho-” you fight to get out the words. “He’s hah-.”

Bzzzt-bzzzt-bzzzzt-

“Can’t speak? That’s cute.” he coos, voice way too relaxed for someone whose mind was reeling with the realization that he couldn’t remember if he locked the door this time, and how adorable you sounded. Enough so that it made some raw, primal part of him wanna pull down his pants and fuck you right here right now. Cockblocks and his own virginity be damned. “C’mon now, use your words like a good girl. Tell the camera.”

Cocky bastard.

Bzzzt-bzzzt-bzzzzt-

“Close!” you yelp, unsure of whether you were talking about yourself or the looming Sukuna. Jaw slack, tears springing into your ears as you look up at Choso. “So close.”

God, you were addictive. And this video was definitely going in both your favorites.

“Mhm,” he hums, movements getting hastier. More desperate. “I know, ma’am.”

Intensity setting 5.

That’s all that it takes for you to cum, letting out a loud strangled moan of Choso’s name. Or, you would’ve - if it hadn’t been for the way he’s shoving two, thick fingers into your mouth.

Silencing you - and in your hazy brain you think that if this was his way of shutting you up, then you really didn’t mind. Because all you could taste was you and the cold, cold metal of his rings. Somewhat intoxicating.

“Shhhhhh.” he’s breathing out, still mindlessly grinding his hips into yours. Though, you realize with a pang that today won’t be the day you get to feel that achingly hard erection straining his pants. “These pretty moans aren’t for him, hm?”

Pressing on the back of your tongue, smirking at the way you nod tearily up at him, moans still muffled. Hell, do you even know how sexy you’re being right now.

“Mhm, all f’me. All for fuckin’ me.”

Knock! Knock! Knock! 

“Why the fuck are you locked up in here on a Saturday night?” Sukuna sounds impatient, but not surprised. Probably imagining all sorts of dorky things his nephew was doing to hole himself up in his room. “Come out n’ get this takeout- what’s left of it anyways.”

And with that, it’s like the magic is over.

Your high only just bating before Choso’s hurriedly ending the recording on a hazy still of your disappointed pout, cursing Sukuna for his impeccable timing. 

Slightly concerned about the door being broken down and someone else seeing you in all your fucked-out glory, he hastily moves to grab the spare cloth by his bedside. Cleaning you up with hushed promises of “sending the recording later”, and “s’alright, he’ll be gone soon.”

Close. You were so close.

A win-win situation - but you’ve never felt like more of a loser.

---

“By God, I never thought he’d get the balls to do it.”

You yelp in surprise at the deep voice from behind you, whirling with a defiant brandish of Choso’s (your?) keys. He’d given them to you a few lessons ago, saying it would make it easier for you to come and go from his apartment as you pleased. Which - to you - felt dangerously like something a boyfriend would say-

But that wasn’t important right now.

What was important was the older man suddenly towering over you right outside Choso’s front door. Big arms crossed over his chest, that leering smirk clashing with his pink hair. “I knew it was odd that brat had a pair of heels by the door.”

Shit. Sukuna.

Ryomen awfully-wingman-his-nephew Sukuna.

“Spill.” At your confused head tilt, he plows on. “Spill the tea. I need new blackmail on my lil’ nephew. How badly did he have to beg you to go out with him?”

You don’t know what was more bizarre - what he was saying or the way he actually pulls out his Notes app as if hanging on to your every word. 

“I-It’s because of you.” you manage to choke out, unsure of what Choso has told his family about you.  Eyes flitting between him and the door right behind you, sounding your very best not to sound just as guilty as you felt. “You’re the reason we have this weird…thing.”

A beat of silence passes. One. Two. 

And just as you’re beginning to wonder whether you’ve broken Choso’s infamous uncle, he throws his head back and laughs. Laughs, right in your face, sounding like he’d just heard the funniest punchline in the world. 

“Oh that’s hilarious.” he exclaims, wiping a mock tear. Cackles dying down as if he was suddenly aware that maybe Choso would hear and walk in on this impromptu interrogation. “Damn, that awful pick-up line is why you started fuckin’? I thought it’d get that sap blocked so he’d stop stalking your account so much.”

“No, we…” you hesitate, mind reeling with what Sukuna just admitted, and how bad it would really be that you’re divulging your sex life to a relative of the guy you’re fucking. Before thinking fuck it, might as well confide in someone. “...we’re just doing stuff for-” putting up air quotes. “-content.”

“Just content?”

“Just content.”

“And you like that fool?”

Your face burns at how glaringly obvious it apparently was, “...Yes.”

This seemingly sets Sukuna off on another wave of uncontrollable laughter. “Ohh, thanks for the blackmail on that emotionally-constipated brat.” Typing away on what you assume to be his Notes, he promptly turns to walk away, “See ya around, doll.”

“Wait!” you call after in confusion, making him stop and raise a brow. “Aren’t you supposed to like- I don’t know, give me advice for your nephew or something - like a good uncle?”

Scoffing, “Who said I was a good uncle?” He leans in ever-so-slightly, “Jus’ rock his world on camera or somethin’ n’ ask him out right in the middle.” Satisfied with being enough of a decent samaritan for today, he walks back with a half-wave, “He’d listen to whatever you say anyway.”

Oh. Is that so?

And Sukuna probably meant it as some joke. Something to tease the both of you with - but it’s something that sets the gears going off inside your head. Something that had you ignoring Sukuna’s slightly panicked, “Jus’ not too soon, I needa bully him with this first.”

---

You didn’t listen to Sukuna’s little plea, of course. Because only a few days later you’d steeled yourself to finally send that one text you knew would change your relationship with Choso. For the good, hopefully. 

You: 9pm my place. Get ready, cuz this time we’re gonna be live ;)

Cho <3: :0 

And with that, you’d thrown your phone on the bed, jittery about later tonight. Browsing through your wardrobe for that one set of barely-there lingerie in his favorite shade of pink. Hey, you could never be too prepared, right?

Nothing could’ve prepared Choso for this moment - absolutely nothing at all. 

He might’ve just died and gone to heaven the very moment he read that dangerous text - finally inviting him to join one of your streams. The ones that he’d always watch in the safety of his bedroom, lights dimmed, pants bunched around his ankles. 

Cock just achingly hard in his fist while he wished he was with you behind the camera. Getting you off so much better than any sextoy would. Just forcing those pretty moans from your lips - and everyone else could see that. Wish it was them ruining you instead. 

Alas, it was only a dirty little fantasy. 

Until now, that is.

slvt4u: Holy shit boyfriend reveal, about time.

uniwhore: THIS is the hottie from Twitter????? 

itsgenslut: idfc just fuck

“Nervous?” you smirk, looking down at the man sprawled so prettily on your bed. “You look just as close to an aneurysm as you were the first time. Though-” snaking your hand down, “-this is still the same as ever.”

You chuckle at the way Choso catches your lips with his, more to shut up those pathetic little moans threatening to escape him than anything. Because every glance at you in that sinful little pink bra gave Choso a mini heart attack. 

“B-baby-” he gasps, grinding his clothed erection against your palms. “I wan- hah-”

“Mhm?”

And God how you’ve ruined Choso - run him so utterly dry of his sanity.

Because he’s angling your head down, piercing cold against your tongue. “Spit.”

It was like that first time had gotten him addicted. So you do - right into his waiting mouth. Jaw dropping at the way he tips his head back, back, back to let it slide so obscenely down his throat. Moaning at just a taste of you, “God, I need to f-fucking ruin you.”

And if there’s anything you’ve learned after all these months with Choso, it’s that anything he says - he does.

The words have barely left his mouth before he’s pulling your bra off, ripping your panties easily off your hips. Each and every little regret about what a shame it was thrown out the window at the first sight of your pretty pussy. 

It never gets old - and Choso could never get enough of the sinful sight - your cunt so sloppy and ready for him already. 

“Cho-” you whine as ringed fingertips coming up to circle your sloppy entrance. Cold. Stretching you to insanity. “S-stop teasing.”

“Yes, ma’am. But first-” shifting you around ever-so-slightly on top of him. “Gotta show off how wet y’are f’me.”

uniwhore: did he just call her “ma’am”?? Me when??

roses101: idk who i wanna be they’re both so fucking hot ugh

“Fuck, y’look so sexy from this angle. Wonder if the camera thinks so too?”

Your face slightly burns at how he was seemingly taking over your own stream. Smug bastard, you think, glancing down at Choso, red-faced, hair untied, wearing a sly grin as his eyes slide over the flurry of comments. But two can play that game. 

“Cho~” fumbling with the hem of his underwear, “You’ve been holding out on me.”

A gasp leaves you involuntarily as you tug down Choso’s boxers just enough for his throbbing cock to spring free, hitting his sculpted abdomen. Blushed your favorite shade of pink - to match your bra - so so angry and soaked in precum. 

He was so intimidatingly long - longer than any of those toys you usually brought on camera. Thick enough that it had you wondering, shit, would you even be able to take it?

“S’this a-alright?” and for all his previous confidence, Choso sounded self-conscious. Peeking at you through his long lashes.

You grin, pumping a hand up and down his swollen cock, letting his precum drip down your wrist. “S’perfect.”

“God- fuck, baby. Oh-” Choso lets out breathless little profanities as you straddle his waist, dragging his weeping tip down your swollen folds. So fucking filthy as you sink down in by fucking in. Slowly. “Too- much-”

Apparently too slow because no sooner have you just taken in his fat tip, squeezing and clenching around him, that Choso’s flipping the both of you over. 

“M’sorry.” he breathes into your mouth as your back hits the mattress. “M’sorry m’sorry, fuck- just can’t-” fingers immediately drawing frenzied little circles on your pulsing clit to take your mind off the dizzying stretch as he bullies his massive cock into your snug cunt. “Can’t wait can’t wait- waited too fucking long. Want this so badly-”

You felt too good. Too perfect around him. 

“Ah! Hngh- Cho, oh my god. Too- ngh-” you moan, as he starts grinding in shallow, mindless little movements just to fit himself inside. Pushing and pushing, you wondered if he even realized what he was doing.

Sounding like his sanity was dwindling away with each little thrust, “S’too big? You can take it. Fuck fuck fuck please. Need this.” Pressing all the way into your lungs. “How do you wan’ it- how do you wan’ me?”

Honestly, Choso didn’t even need to ask, because he just bottoms out - heavy balls smacking against your ass, cock swollen and throbbing inside you - that you think that you just wanted him to ruin you. 

“R-ruin?” his voice breaks as he repeats - more to himself than you. Oh, shit had you said that out loud? You’re speechless as Choso throws your legs over his shoulder, dragging his swollen lips lazily across your ankle. “Yes ma’am.”

Oh. You might as well have just signed off your will. 

Because then he’s fucking into your sloppy cunt. Unforgiving. A man starved because he was. Jagged, quick thrusts, splitting you apart deeper and deeper on his rock-hard cock. 

“Fuck- fuck fuck fuck-” he pants into your open mouth, finding it so fucking difficult to find any rhythm when your tight cunt was milking him so good. “You feel so good. So messy. Ya love it like this, huh? Being hngh- watched?”

“Hngh-” you buck wildly into his body, reaching up to play coyly with his nipple piercings. Tugging and pulling lightly. “Feels too good- are- ah- are ya sure this is your first time?”

Honestly, it was a wonder Choso didn’t cum right then and there. 

Tojisslvt: need someone to fuck me like this the first time

22sabi: Typing with one hand is so hard.

DaStrongest: i could fuck her so much better than than inexperienced loser

Choso throws his head back in a cruel little laugh at that last comment, something that makes you tingle all the way from your burning cheeks to your stuffed cunt. Clamping down deliciously on Choso’s unforgiving cock in a way that makes his hips and fingers stutter. 

“Ya think you could fuck her better?” it takes you a second to realize he was talking to the camera and not you. Thrusts getting sloppier, getting familiar. “I’m the one that got her so messy like this.” Purposeful. Calculated. Like he was aiming for that one-

“Fuck!” you scream as he hits that magic spot. Once. And then over and over like a man possessed. Just so utterly ruining you the way you knew he could. “Cho oh my god- I can’t hah- ngh-”

The cold metal of Choso’s rings dig into your cheek softly as he turns you head to face him. God, this was the stuff of his wildest dreams.

You - teary eyed and looking up at him like such a slut. Pussy getting wetter - tighter - as he teases you in front of the camera. Torn between running away from his relentless cock and bucking up for more more more-

 “Fuck no no no- Keep your legs open, baby. Don’t hah- run away from me.” his fingers dig into your hips, pulling you impossibly closer. “Don’t- need this. Need this so ba- shit.” 

And he sounded so genuinely worried he’d lose the feeling of your heady cunt. Fingers bruising on your hips as he pulls you closer. Like he was trying to fuck out any and every shred of shyness out of your body. 

slvt4u: Always the quiet ones.

DaStrongest: heh, fuck off. i’d make her cum so much harder.

Now, Choso was fucking you like he had a point to prove, and it was probably the only reason he hadn’t passed out from how good your pussy felt wrapped around him. 

Both of you were barely-lucid at this point - and he was out of control now.

Pussy drunk thoughts unfiltered, “No one’s ever d-done this- got me hah- feeling like this.” And you had the distinct feeling he just beat you to your original goal, letting out sweet little babbles into your open mouth - though his hips were anything but. 

So hard that you were sure the creases of your sheets would leave marks for tomorrow - along with his balls on your ass, your ankles on his shoulders, lips searing against yours. It was like he wanted to prove something - to prove he was good enough to- the viewers? To you? 

Knowing your body well enough to hit that one spot over and over until you were sobbing. Fingers erratic on your clit. 

“Cho-” you squeal, tears springing to your eyes as he only gets sloppier. “I-I’m gonna-”

“Cum?” he breathes, as if he couldn’t believe it. And fuck if you weren’t the gates of heaven spread wide open for him then he didn’t know what was. “Fucking cum. Please please- hah- f’me. Cum on m’cock n’ make them jealous. F’me- Like you’re mine.”

You barely even realize when you are. Jaw slack, eyes rolling to the back of your head as you see stars behind your eyes, blood roaring in your ears. God, he was gonna have to go home and rewatch this stream all over again. 

“Ngh- m’cumming m’cumming oh-”

Not even realizing the way you’re dragging your nails down Choso’s sculpted back. Marking up his milky skin - and he lets you. 

Loved it in fact- the way he loved you. 

Your eyes go wide, and Choso knows he’s fucked up. Realizing with a jolt that words were tumbling out of his mouth before he could stop them. But it’s the way you squeeze him tighter- giving him such a gorgeous little fucked-out smile that sends him over the edge.

Sharp canines digging into the crook of your neck like he wanted to break skin, holding himself back from breaking you while he cums and cums so hard it hurt. Over and over-

“Love you- love you love you love you-” he’s muttering into the skin, unbarred. “Since I first saw hah- you. Wanted this more than fuck fuck- air that I breathe.”

His seed was oozing out of you now, painting your ravaged pussy white, dribbling down your legs.  So fucking full and debauched. Thick, hot globs that were sure to stain those overpriced new sheets. But did Choso care for the mess? Not at all. 

Because you were holding him so impossibly tight, pushing away the strands of hair sticking to his forehead. Whispering little praises as he fucks you through his first time. Close. Warm. Everything he ever dreamed of.

“S’everything I ever dreamed of, too, Cho.”

And he knows he’s won. 

urfavslvt: Proudest nut. Want more.

uniwhore: does this mean couples content??? Pls say yes plsplspls

DaStrongest: invite me next time <3

“Thought you were embarrassed.” he licks soothingly over the bite. Voice shot, piercing smooth against his tongue. Embarrassing little confessions leaving him with each spark of electricity running through his veins. “Thought you didn’t stream w’me cuz of that- but shit. Dreamed of this f’so long. So long-”

Oh?

“Hey, Cho.” your voice rings through his hazy mind. Just enough for Choso to raise his head and meet your intoxicating, sultry gaze. Giving a sly, sidelong glance at the still-blinking camera. 

“Mhm?”

“Wanna film a week’s worth of ‘movies’ in advance?”

---

Sukuna (do not answer): Oi shitty nephew, where r u Jin made me come over with (half) leftovers.

You: Sorry, not home. At the movies rn.

Sukuna (do not answer): When tf do u go to movies?? 

You: Since now, on a date. You probably can’t relate.

Sukuna (do not answer): Stfu n’ stop lying, a date with who? Ur body pillow?? Not like u had the balls to ask out that pretty lil’ camgirl anyway.

Haha

Right? 

You: *girlfriend

Sukuna (do not answer): Huh?

You: Girlfriend.

Sukuna (do not answer): THE FUCKIN’ PICK-UP LINE WORKED??

A/N. This came out a LOT longer than expected. 

Plagiarism not authorized.

[identityarchitect]

If you use the same email for everything, that email and every account associated with it is probably compromised due to this.

wait what? what exactly does this entail?

Recently, the Internet Archive faced a severe security breach that leaked the account info of all of its users.

Longtime security researcher Troy Hunt, who runs the data-breach-notification website Have I Been Pwned (HIBP) also confirmed that the breach is legitimate. He said it occurred in September and that the stolen trove contains 31 million unique email addresses along with usernames, bcrypt password hashes, and other system data.

(via Wired)

What this means is that the email address and password you used for your Internet Archive account is public information. (You can check Have I Been Pwned to see if your info is a part of this breach, but assume that it is.)

Most people use the same password for most things. Let's imagine you have a pretty secure password, like th1sISap@ssw0rd!!. This follows all the contemporary rules for passwords: it has lowercase and uppercase letters, numbers, and symbols, and is decently long. So let's say you use this password for your Internet Archive account, and your email address, but your Discord account has a different password.

Someone can look at your leaked info from the Internet Archive and try your password on your email. Now they have access to your email address. That's a very bad thing, since most services online use your email address to confirm that you're who you say you are. Now they can also access your Discord account by sending a password reset request. And Discord account hacks are actually pretty common. Not via these means, for the record: most Discord account hacks take place over Discord itself, usually as a fake link posing as some "oh no I reported you and now you need to contact staff to undo it" (pro tip, if anyone ever says that, they're lying. Social media staff know what misclicks are and also most social media uses an algorithm anyway).

With your Discord account, they can now pose as you - a known legitimate user, who people will want to trust - to try and scam people. Not great. Also, you probably don't want other people to have access to your account.

So, what should you do about it?

Change your email account password. All of your passwords should be unique to that account, but especially email, since it's the 'hub' of logins and if someone has your email they can just send a forgotten password request.

If you have a phone, you can set up two factor authentification. What this means is that you authenticate that you're the owner of the account via one factor, your password, and then an entirely separate factor, your phone. If someone wants to hack something with 2FA, they first need to figure out your username & password, and then guess your 2FA code. Most 2FA codes reset every 30 seconds, so even with brute forcing it's nearly impossible and not worth it.

Stop using the same password for everything! I understand why people do this & there's no shame in it but the more similar your passwords are, the more at risk you are after pwnage. There are plenty of password managers out there: I personally use Bitwarden. Your browser's native password manager is probably fine, but you've got to start taking its suggestions when it wants you to use an ultra-secure password that you'd never be able to remember. Pro tip: You don't need to remember it. The password manager will remember it for you. Bitwarden has a mobile app if you need to login to stuff on your phone, and it also lets you easily carry passwords between computers.

I'd also recommend going through and seeing if you can delete old accounts for websites you no longer use. Having less accounts reduces your risk of being pwned simply because there's less datasets you're in that could be pwned.

I hope this helps ^^; & keep in mind that being pwned is not the end of the world. Even with your info being out there, someone's still got to choose your account of the 31 million that got breached in the Internet Archive leak. Additionally, your accounts might not even be compromised at all - I'm pretty sure I'm fine even though my email was in the leak, since I have a unique password and 2FA for my email, and unique passwords for all my other accounts too.

BTW TERFS & radfems die in a fire 💖

[necroangelz]

HIA YOU SEEM SO NICE JAJAAHDHEJWV- I remember following you from one of my Tumblr accounts (I have like 4 and have forgotten about the passwords of most of them)- So you may know me from there ig!!

Actually I came back here because I wanted to ask something- What is "Needy Streamer Overload" about?? I keep finding the game pretty intriguing and since you had it on your layout I thought I could ask you- (I also felt that it was a perfect opportunity to try to socialize a bit and meet more people on Tumblr-) Sorry if I'm bothering you! ^^

@.mistysaur

AWWW THANKIEEE 🥹🥹 and yeah I'm pretty sure i know uu from there!!

oh boy. let me see if i can explain NSO without dropping 19 paragraphs LOL

also, don't worry, uur not bothering me at all!! i love when ppl send me asks bc i have a hard time talking to ppl first, so this is also a good time for me to socialize!

ramble under the cut >:3

anyway, at its core, NSO is a game about managing the streamer career of a very mentally ill girl. the player is p-chan, the manager of their ' girlfriend ' Ame or k-angel/omgkawaiiangel, and they basically tell Ame what to do throughout the day. they can hang out, spend time together, play games, go on the internet, go outside etc. doing certain actions gives Ame ideas fur streams. there are many types of streams uu can do, each streaming category has level 1 up to level 5 streams, streaming is what gets uu followers. certain streams can get uu more followers but they would also increase ame's stress...

the player also has to manager her stats, her affection, stress, follower count and mental darkness. there's not much story because the whole game is centered around the players actions if ya get what i mean. the endings center around the effects of ame's stats if that makes sense.

NSO is a very fun game (i guess it's obvious that i love it lmao) the gameplay could get a little repetitive bc it's all the same but the graphics and music are so so cool. the interface is like this little computer and stuff and uu see Ame through the webcam screen and uu select her daily activities through app icons. the music is so catchy and perfectly fits the vibe of the game.

NSO is also a good portrayal of the toxic side of the internet—during some of the worst endings, ame spirals in front of the camera during a stream, and instead of having sympathy for her, her fans are quick to turn on her and dogpile on her instead. laughing at her misery as if she wasn't a person at all. they spread rumors, talk about how they always hated her from the start, doxx her, and then move on to the next entertaining internet personality with no loyalty to ame at all. it shows how people online can become cruel to each other because, well, it's all online, so they believe nothing is important or significant. NSO also depicts parasocial relationships, internet addiction, and wanting to get attention, love, and gratification from the internet. in general i love how NSO portrays the internet because everything feels so... real. the stream chats, the comments under ame's tweets, even Ame's texts to the player, they all feel so natural. like they're all actually said by people who spend way too much time on the internet and hence use slang and ways of speech that are common online. i always felt really bothered that mainstream media, especially those made by adults, SUCKED at portraying the internet. NSO isn't like that

so ya that's nso :3 if one thinks that NSO is something one is interested in, and one is sure they won't be triggered by it (bc yeah this game is super heavy) please by all means check it out!! i don't have any playthroughs to recommend since i don't watch playthroughs, but there's def some fun ones on yt! or buy it!

[pankajojha12]

How to Stay Safe Online

In India, one out of every three people is affected by cyber attack, but I think it is all three, but the only difference is that that one person knows that he has been hacked. How dangerous is this internet world and in what ways? I had told about the ways in which you can get hacked in the previous Blog, so please watch that Blog first, then you will understand the importance of cyber security. Due to digitization, we are doing everything online, Government Verification, Online Shopping Education. Social Media Business Due to this, we are giving our data to applications knowingly or unknowingly and it has as many advantages as it has disadvantages. We do not know where that data is going, to whom it is going, where it is being leaked and against us. How can it be used? India has the highest number of internet users and India has the highest number of cyber attacks (13.7% in the world) because a common man was told how to use the internet but was not told what cyber security is. What happens is that whenever you do any work on the internet, you leave some information about yourself which is practically permanent, which means you can never erase it completely because it is out of your control. Once it becomes public, Where is it going and where is it being stored? No one knows and we call this information as digital footprint. There are many ways like giving a review of a product, creating an account on a website and shopping online, but even without you knowing, this can happen through Website Cookies and Trackers The greater your digital footprint, the easier it will be to track you and potentially hack you. So if you want your privacy to be in your hands and no one can hack you, then you will have to be cyber aware and watch this Blog completely.

Read Also- Vapi cyber cell bank account freeze karde to kya kare

If you have to see, then let us know some such practices which you should follow to stay as safe as possible online. First of all, create a strong password. I know this is a very silly thing because even today I have to say this, but it is what it is. Don't make your crush your password. You deserve better. Don't use common passwords. A B C D Password 12 23 I Love You. These are very common and get leaked a lot and we all have them. The password should be such that no one can guess it. Get it and you should also remember it easily. Your password should not contain your public information. You have to enter only that which is known only to you. There are two components of password. Complexity means upper case, lower case special characters and digits. Use all these combinations and yes. Length is more important than complexity, so a minimum password of 15 characters should be kept which you can remember and I say that use pass phrases, make sentences, I give some examples, do not use only this on the screen of good passwords and many more. It is very difficult to crack big passwords, even more so than those on complex forms. Keep different passwords on different accounts. Even if you get hacked at one place, you will be safe at the other place if you do not remember. If you have passwords, use password managers like One Pass and wherever you are creating an account, try to reuse the primary authenticator.

Read Also- bank account freeze by ghaziabad cyber crime

There are many third party sites which provide an option to use your own authentication like biometrics. The most common in smartphones are physical authentication devices like Yab keys, but due to their complexity, the passwords are never going to be completely locked, so be alert. Second is multi factor authentication. At some places, after giving you one factor of authentication, an extra factor is added. Like is one factor to verify you, your password can be another factor Something you own, like your physical device or your smartphone, after entering the first password, you will get another password on your smartphone, like an OTP one time password through SMS or email, then you will have to tell that to the application as a second factor. Whatever you give will be used, after that it will authenticate you, so this is two factor authentication. Even if your password has been leaked or you have forgotten it, then this second factor can save you from getting hacked because your smartphone is with you. If you have your SIM then the OTP that will come will come to you only which you can tell, that is why nowadays hackers use these two factor scams to steal OTP because in very sensitive actions like changing the password for bank accounts or While transferring money, OTP is required as a mandate, to carry out big scams, one has to bypass 2 AA or OTP which is very difficult, so please do yourself a favor and share it today regularly on all your important platforms which you use the most. Yes, enable email accounts google2fa because it is an extra layer of security, it can also be a biometric, your 2fa which is very easy and also fool proof. Yes, I know that it is an additional layer of user interaction, you have to work a little more. You will have to do it every time but it is a bare minimum, it is not a luxury so please take it seriously Third is avoid social engineering Someone has rightly said that humans are the VK link in the security chain so social engineering is such a psychological game Which you will be able to play only if you are smart and conscious. Do not click on any further link in a hurry, out of greed or in panic after reading the title of any email. Read every email carefully. Look at all the things. From address to address center's domain name. The domain name of the link will definitely turn out to be something wrong and it is like professional emails. Don't compare them with them. Think about who could be sending this to you. If it has nothing to do with you then please stay away from it. Ignore it on a genuine website. There is an HTTPS or SSL certificate which is on the ownership of the same domain name. If it is of Let's Crypt or Cloudflare, then they are free. Anyone can take them. Do not let these emotions of greed or panic dominate. Keep working on yourself, keep all your senses open and always doubt the center. Most of such schemes are too good or too bad to be true, so react accordingly. Bank people will never ask you for OTP on call. You will never get UPI. You do not have to enter PAN when you are taking payment. You should know all these basic digital rules. Do not share your OTP with anyone under any circumstances. Do not share information about yourself and your family with anyone unless you You may not know him because online virtually we do not know who is the person in front even if he is representing you as your closed one. Next is use a security software, this is a necessity. Install a good genuine trusted antivirus or firewall software today.

Read Also- bank account freeze by noida cyber crime

Thankful you have wss4j on all your devices, so you don't need any other antivirus if you keep it up to date, now there are many antiviruses which provide you with web protection and suspicions, I like it but I recommend that you Install some good browser extensions like NetCraft Ad Blocker Doug Doug Go Privacy Blocker Tracker Malware Bytes These will also protect you from clicking on wrong links and phishing websites or privacy leaking cookies and some websites also have a trust score which is This tells you how much trust you can have on that website, but you should not depend on these tools, they can also be bypassed, so please be smart. Next is limit your privacy. Now go and make your account private, hide your personal posts. Take it and go to each account and check how much you have shared and how much you should have done. Delete everything that you have shared access to and if possible, keep the accounts that you are not using which are vacant. Delete them. There is an option on every site that you can delete your data or deactivate it from there. This will give you the much needed mental detox and your privacy will also be protected. Do not tell anyone more than necessary. Stay in a closed and limited circle, what will happen, people will judge you, you are not cool but it's okay, your privacy is more important, they will also understand but later it will not matter that much for you but it will be for your children, their world is safe and secure. The responsibility of keeping them is in your hands. They have their whole life and you would not want them to travel because of your mistakes. Please, if possible, do not post about your children online. Keep strict limits on their online presence and this Monitor what they are doing on the internet. We have to reduce their and our digital foot print as much as possible. Make this as a conscious decision and backup regularly all your important files. Keep saving them on some other storage media. But make a copy of your important files like your portfolio, documents, ID cards, academic documents. Don't delete them because you have less space.

[respectable-username]

🔐 Why You (Probably) Don't Need A VPN

A rant by a software engineer sick of VPN ads from her favourite YouTubers

TL;DR:

Here are some legitimate reasons the average internet user might want to use a VPN:

To connect to their company's internal network

To bypass the Great Firewall of China (or other types of website blocks at country or organisation level)

To watch Netflix etc as if you were in another country

Here are absolutely rubbish reasons to use a VPN:

Privacy

And today, I'll tell you why.

Hang on, won't a VPN stop hackers from stealing my passwords?

I mean, it does encrypt the web traffic coming from your device.

You know what else encrypts web traffic coming from your device? Your browser.

Yes, in the year 2021, pretty much all websites on the internet are accessed over HTTPS. The "S" stands for "secure", as in "your request will be securely encrypted". If your browser is using HTTPS, nobody can capture the data you're sending over the internet. More detail in the "I like too much detail" section at the bottom of this post.

It's very easy to check if you are using HTTPS by looking at your URL bar. In most browsers, it will have a lock on it if secure:

(From top left to bottom right: Chrome on iOS, Safari on iOS, Chrome on Windows, Edge on Windows, Firefox on Windows, and Safari on Mac. Screenshots reflect the UI at the time this post was written. Oh gosh this has taken over 4 hours to write.)

But isn't moar encryption better? What if somebody breaks HTTPS?

For starters, nobody's breaking your HTTPS, and there isn't any benefit from double encrypting. This is because of the maths behind encryption/decryption!

Encryption works kinda like a lock and key, except the lock is maths and the key is a special number only known to the person allowed to unlock the information.

The important thing is, without the key, all the locked data looks like complete and utter garbage. Completely unusable. Barely distinguishable from random noise. There's absolutely no way to tell what the original data was.

The other important thing is that the key is nearly unguessable. As in, with current technology, will generally take more than the lifetime of the universe to guess by chance. And when technology gets faster, we just make the numbers bigger again until they're once again secure.

For any major website you use, they will use a strong encryption algorithm (ie lock) with big numbers so your keys will be strong enough to withstand an attack. This means your data is safe as long as that lock icon is in your URL bar.

A VPN will not make the existing garble any more garbled. The extra $10/month or whatever you're paying for does not buy you any extra protection.

If you want to know more about how encryption and HTTPS in particular work, see the "I like too much detail" section at the end of this post.

Something something viruses

How's a VPN going to stop viruses? It controls the path your internet traffic takes, not the content that gets sent down that path. I guess it could block some known virus-giving hosts? But if it's known to the VPN provider, it's probably also known to the built-in antivirus on your computer who can block it for you.

(Oh yeah, 3rd party antivirus is another thing that's not worth paying for these days. Microsoft's built-in Windows Defender is as good as the third party options, and something something Macs don't get viruses easily because of how they're architected.)

Honestly though, keep your software up to date, don't click on anything suspicious, don't open files from sources you don't trust, and you'll be right most of the time.

And keep your software up to date. Then update your software. Hey, did I mention keeping your stuff updated? Update! Now! It only takes a few minutes. Please update to the latest version of your software I'm begging you. It's the number 1 way to protect yourself from viruses and other malware. Most major software attacks could have been prevented if people just updated their damn software!

But my ISP is spying on me!

Ok, it is true that there are TWO bits of data that HTTPS can't and won't hide. Those are:

The source of a request (your IP)

What website that request is going to (the website's IP)

These are the bits of information that routers use to know where to send your data, so of course they can't be hidden as the data is moving across the internet. And people can see that information very easily if they want to.

Note: this will show which website you're going to, but not which page you're looking at, and not the content of that page. So it will show that you were on Tumblr, but will not show anyone that you're still reading SuperWhoLock content in 2021.

It's this source/destination information that VPNs hide, which is why they can be used to bypass website blocks and region locks.

By using a VPN, those sniffing traffic on your side of the VPN will just show you connecting to the VPN, not the actual website you want. That means you can read AO3 at work/school without your boss/teachers knowing (unless they look over your shoulder of course).

As for those sniffing on the websites end, including the website itself, they will see the VPN as the source of the connection, not you. So if you're in the US and using a VPN node in the UK, Netflix will see you as being in the UK and show you their British library rather than the American one.

If this is what you're using a VPN for and you think the price is fair, then by all means keep doing it! This is 100% what VPNs are good for.

HOWEVER, and this is a big "however", if it's your ISP you're trying to hide your internet traffic from, then you will want to think twice before using a VPN.

Let me put it this way. Without a VPN, your ISP knows every website you connect to and when. With a VPN, do you know who has that exact same information? The VPN provider. Sure, many claim to not keep logs, but do you really trust the people asking for you to send them all your data for a fee to not just turn around and sell your data on for a profit, or worse?

In effect, you're trading one snooper for another. One snooper is heavily regulated, in many jurisdictions must obey net neutrality, and is already getting a big fee from you regardless of where you browse. The other isn't. Again, it's all a matter of who you trust more.

For me personally, I trust my ISP more than a random VPN provider, if for no other reason than my ISP is an old enough company with enough inertia and incompetence that I don't think they could organise to sell my data even if they wanted to. And with the amount of money I'm paying them per month, they've only got everything to lose if they broke consumer trust by on-selling that data. So yeah, I trust my ISP more with my privacy than the random VPN company.

But my VPN comes with a password manager!

Password managers are great. I 100% recommend you use a password manager. If there's one thing you could do right now to improve your security (other than updating your software, speaking of, have you updated yet?), it's getting and using a password manager.

Password managers also come for free.

I'm currently using LastPass free, but am planning to switch after they did a bad capitalism and only let their free accounts access either laptop or mobile but not both now. I personally am planning to move to Bitwarden on friends' recommendation since it's not only free but open source and available across devices. I also have friends who use passbolt and enjoy it, which is also free and open source, but it's also a bit DIY to set up. Great if you like tinkering though! And there are probably many other options out there if you do a bit of googling.

So, yeah, please use a password manager, but don't pay for it unless you actually have use for the extra features.

No I really need to hide my internet activity from everybody for reasons

In this case, you're probably looking for TOR. TOR is basically untraceable. It's also a terrible user experience for the most part because of this, so I'd only recommend it if you need it, such as if you're trying to escape the Great Firewall. But please don't use it for Bad Crimes. I am not to be held liable for any crime committed using information learned from this post.

Further reading viewing

If you want to know more about why you don't need a VPN, see Tom Scott's amazing video on the subject. It's honestly a great intro for beginners.

I like too much detail

Ahhh, so you're the type of person who doesn't get turned off by long explanations I see. Well, here's a little more info on the stuff I oversimplified in the main post about encryption. Uhh, words get bigger and more jargony in this section.

So first oversimplification: the assumption that all web traffic is either HTTP or HTTPS. This isn't exactly true. There are many other application layer internet standards out there, such as ssh, ftp, websockets, and all the proprietary standards certain companies use for stuff such as streaming and video conferencing. Some of these are secure, using TLS or some other security algorithm under the hood, and some of them aren't.

But most of the web requests you care about are HTTP/HTTPS calls. As for the rest, if they come from a company of a decent size that hasn't been hacked off the face of the planet already, they're probably also secure. In other words, you don't need to worry about it.

Next, we've already said that encryption works as a lock and a key, where the lock is a maths formula and the key is a number. But how do we get that key to lock and unlock the data?

Well, to answer that, we first need to talk about the two different types of encryption: symmetric and asymmetric. Symmetric encryption such as AES uses the same key to both encrypt and decrypt data, whereas asymmetric encryption such as RSA uses a different key to encode and decode.

For the sake of my writing, we're going to call the person encrypting Alice, the person decrypting Bob, and the eavesdropper trying to break our communications Eve from now on. These are standard names in crypto FYI. Also, crypto is short for cryptography not cryptocurrencies. Get your Bitcoin and Etherium outta here!

Sorry if things start getting incoherent. I'm tired. It's after 1am now.

So first, how do we get the key from symmetric crypto? This is probably the easier place to start. Well, you need a number, any number of sufficient size, that both Alice and Bob know. There are many ways you could share this number. They could decide it when they meet in person. They could send it to each other using carrier pigeons. Or they could radio it via morse code. But those aren't convenient, and somebody could intercept the number and use it to read all their messages.

So what we use instead is a super clever algorithm called Diffie-Hellman, which uses maths and, in particular, the fact it's really hard to factor large numbers (probably NP Hard to be specific, but there's no actual proof of that). The Wikipedia page for this is surprisingly easy to read, so I'll just direct you there to read all about it because I've been writing for too long. This algorithm allows Alice and Bob to agree on a secret number, despite Eve being able to read everything they send each other.

Now Alice and Bob have this secret number key, they can talk in private. Alice puts her message and the key into the encryption algorithm and out pops what looks like a load of garbage. She can then send this garbage to Bob without worrying about Eve being able to read it. Bob can then put the garbage and the key into the decryption algorithm to undo the scrambling and get the original message out telling him where the good donuts are. Voila, they're done!

But how does Alice know that she's sending her message to Bob and not Eve? Eve could pretend to be Bob so that Alice does the Diffie-Hellman dance with her instead and sends her the secret location of the good donuts instead.

This is where asymmetric crypto comes in! This is the one with private and public keys, and the one that uses prime numbers.

I'm not 100% across the maths on this one TBH, but it has something to do with group theory. Anyway, just like Diffie-Hellman, it relies on the fact that prime factorisation is hard, and so it does some magic with semi-primes, ie numbers with only 2 prime factors other than 1. Google it if you want to know more. I kinda zoned out of this bit in my security courses. Maths hard

But the effect of that maths is easier to explain: things that are encoded with one of the keys can only be decoded with the other key. This means that one of those keys can be well-known to the public and the other is known only to the person it belongs to.

If Alice wants to send a message to Bob and just Bob, no Eve allowed, she can first look up Bob's public key and encrypt a beginning message with that. Once Bob receives the message, he can decrypt it with his private key and read the contents. Eve can't read the contents though because, even though she has Bob's public key, she doesn't know his private key.

This public key information is what the lock in your browser is all about BTW. It's saying that the website is legit based on the public key they provide.

So why do we need symmetric crypto when we have asymmetric crypto? Seems a lot less hassle to exchange keys with asymmetric crypto.

Well, it's because asymmetric crypto is slooooow. So, in TLS, the security algorithm that puts the "S" in "HTTPS", asymmetric RSA is used to establish the initial connection and figure out what symmetric key to use, and then the rest of the session uses AES symmetric encryption using the agreed secret key.

And there you have it! Crypto in slightly-less-short-but-still-high-enough-level-that-I-hope-you-understand.

Just realised how long this section is. Well, I did call it "too much detail" for a reason.

Now, next question is what exactly is and isn't encrypted using HTTPS.

Well, as I said earlier, it's basically just the source IP:port and the destination IP:port. In fact, this information is actually communicated on the logical layer below the application layer HTTPS is on, known as the transport layer. Again, as I said before, you can't really encrypt this unless you don't want your data to reach the place you want at all.

Also, DNS is unencrypted. A DNS request is a request that turns a domain name, such as tumblr.com, into an IP address, by asking a special server called a Domain Name Server where to find the website you're looking for. A DNS request is made before an HTTP(S) request. Anyone who can read your internet traffic can therefore tell you wanted to go to Tumblr.

But importantly, this only shows the domain name, not the full URL. The rest of the URL, the part after the third slash (the first two slashes being part of http://), is stuff that's interpreted by the server itself and so isn't needed during transport. Therefore, it encrypted and completely unreadable, just like all the content on your page.

I was going to show a Wireshark scan of a web request using HTTP and HTTPS to show you the difference, but this has taken long enough to write as it is, so sorry!

I could probably write more, but it's 1:30am and I'm sleepy. I hope you found some of this interesting and think twice before purchasing a VPN subscription. Again, there are legit good uses for a VPN, but they're not the ones primarily being advertised in VPN ads. It's the fact that VPN ads rely so heavily on false advertising that really grinds my gears and made me want to do this rant. It's especially bad when it comes from somebody I'd think of as technologically competent (naming no names here, but if you've worked in tech and still promote VPNs as a way to keep data safe... no). Feel free to ask questions if you want and hopefully I'll get around to answering any that I feel I know enough to answer.

Nighty night Tumblr. Please update your software. And use a (free) password manager. And enable two factor authentication on all your accounts. But mostly just update your software.

[solastia]

Tuqburni: Finale - Heartbreak

Pairing: Yoongi X Reader, Hoseok x Reader

A/N: Here you go with an alternate ending where she DIDN’T choose to go back to them. Angst, with a bit of hope (hyuck). Please remember, in my mind the other ending is canon and I will be releasing an epilogue eventually of them together in the future. Until then, enjoy this. It really hurt me to make my Yoongichi cry. 

*******************************************************************************************

You sat on your tiny patio in the beat-up rocking chair you’d bought from a thrift store as you waited for Namjoon to come by. You probably could have waited inside, but it felt too big and empty for your liking. A familiar knock rattles your very wobbly-sounding door and you get up with a sigh, closing the sliding glass behind you as you head to the front door. 

You open it without checking, knowing that there were only two people in the world who knew where you lived now. 

Namjoon and Seokjin are standing there with hands brimming with equipment. 

“Come on in. The room’s mostly set-up now.” 

They kick off their shoes somehow and scuffle towards the second bedroom that was mostly sparse beyond a desk holding your computer, a chair, and soundproofing foam panels on the walls. In the pair’s arms were the rest of the recording equipment you’d need to establish the room as your official workspace. 

Namjoon mumbles that he can take care of the setup so you let Jin pull you to the tiny kitchen and put on some tea while you wait. 

“So...how was your first night as an independent woman?” Seokjin asks while he pulls down your new mugs and turns on the kettle. 

“...Alright, I guess. Quiet,” you murmur softly, putting bags in the cups. 

He nods in understanding. You’d moved out of their place after staying there for nearly a month. You’d tried leaving earlier, but Seokjin and Namjoon had been adamant that you needed to stay and let them watch out for you for a little while before you decided. Personally, you’d suspected that they’d probably thought they were on suicide watch, but you were fine. Well, perhaps not fine, but nowhere near thinking about that kind of thing. 

“I wasn’t sure if I was going to tell you or not, but you should know that Yoongi didn’t take it well,” he sighs and sets down his cup. “There was...a lot of yelling. A lot of...you know...him puffing up and getting angry at us to hide how devastated he was. He blamed us and said we were turning you against him and that setting up a studio in your apartment so you’d never have to see him again was obviously something that I came up with because you would never do that. He even started saying some stuff about how Namjoon was obviously using this as a chance to steal you away because of the tiny crush he had on you back when you all first met.” 

“Oh, Jesus,” you huff and rub your eyes. “I’m sorry you had to deal with that. He’s...that’s just always been his fighting style. He zeros in on the one thing he can say that would hurt you the most and stabs you with it. Please don’t hold it against him.” 

He reaches over and pets your hair softly. “I know. It’s...it’s going to take a while but he’s going to need us too when this starts to settle down a little more. Right now you are our priority because you’re the one that’s been wronged, but...he’s still our marshmallow Yoongichi and we’ll need to pick him up too. Even if we are incredibly disappointed in him. Both of them.” 

You nod, closing your eyes. “He...did he look...bad?” 

“Yeah, I’m not gonna lie. His clothes were all messed up and he’s gotten really skinny. Don’t think he’s eating much either. But...you don’t need to worry about that. That’s not your responsibility. He made his choices. Jimin made his choices. Now it’s time for you to have your turn.” 

You nod silently, knowing he was right. That didn’t make it any easier. 

It felt almost like you’d been in a trance since that night Yoongi had ordered you to leave. You remembered driving to Jin’s and sitting in their guestroom, staring at the ceiling blankly once your chest hurt too much to cry any longer. 

When the knocking started, there had been one tiny spark of hope that Yoongi had finally come to his senses and was there to apologize. To drop to his knees and beg you to come back. That he would do anything…

But the high tones of Jimin’s begging squashed that final dream. Yoongi couldn’t even be bothered to come even now. He had to send Jimin to do the talking for him. And finally...FINALLY...you were overcome by rage. 

No more. You were done. 

You shook your head no to Namjoon’s silent question over whether he should let Jimin inside, and then you just stood there listening to him trying to talk through the door. He said some things that surprised you and some that didn’t. You’d known he was developing some sort of feeling for you - whether that was actually love or that he just liked having sex you didn’t know, and really you weren’t sure you cared anymore. 

He’d managed to stick around for an hour, which had impressed you, but you hadn’t been surprised when he finally gave up and left. That had also been the last time you’d seen or heard from either of them. Yoongi hasn’t tried to call and you certainly weren’t going to be the one to beg for him to take you back. You had absolutely nothing to apologize for. You’d done nothing but love that man with everything you had - and it still hadn’t been good enough. 

It was with that thought in mind that you essentially set up camp in the Kim household while you tried to figure out your next steps. They’d been kind enough to go get some of your belongings. Apparently, Jimin had cried while he helped them pack up enough for now and promised to have everything else ready for them to come back for later. Namjoon put you on official leave from work and with a few changes on social media you were now almost officially completely severed from your life with Yoongi. The house had been in his name, you’d never combined accounts, your car was your own. Honestly, it seemed almost too easy. Your lives were now entirely separate beyond the tears in your soul that would last forever. 

Namjoon had convinced you to keep your job, promising that you could work from home and the company would cover the costs of converting your second room into a studio. It was incredibly indulgent on his part but you didn’t even think of turning him down. You loved your job and you definitely needed the financial comfort it would bring as you started over. The rest of the apartment was still kind of shabby since you’d been worrying about the studio first, but eventually, you’d get around to making it feel like a home. 

Namjoon struts from the studio with a grin, wiping his hands together. “All done! Just waiting for you to set up passwords and stuff now. Kinda jealous now. Jin, can I set up a studio at home? I like the idea of working in my underwear.” 

Seokjin scowls playfully. “Don’t even think about it.” 

You huff lightly, but don’t miss the way they seemed to be discussing something with their eyes before they both turn to you. 

“There’s...uh...something else that you should probably know. You might not want to know or care but we thought we should at least tell you,” Namjoon begins, his eyes constantly flitting between yours and Jin’s. 

“Just tell me, Joon.” 

“They, uh. Yoongi and Jimin, they...broke up? I guess. Don’t know the whole story yet but apparently, Jimin’s been staying in a hotel near the company. We’re all watching Yoongi closely to make sure history doesn’t repeat itself, but, yeah. Thought you should probably know,” Namjoon says quickly, cringing like he expected you to go on a rampage despite the fact that you never have before. 

Instead, you simply scoff, because wasn’t that just perfect. All that pain you went through, all the fighting and sacrifices, and in the end, it was all for nothing. 

“Are you okay?” Seokjin asks softly, bumping your shoulder with his. 

You smile up at him, though it doesn’t meet your eyes. “I will be.” 

******

“I can’t believe you’ve done this.” 

You sigh angrily into your phone as you walk towards the cafe, wondering for the millionth time why you let Kim Seokjin order you around so much. 

“It’s been six months, sweetie. It’s time and he perfect for you, I promise! He’ll be a drooling mess at your feet in no time.” 

When you’d gotten ready for the café, you’d thought you were simply meeting your friend Jin for coffee and gossip, like usual. Only he’d called you when you were only a couple minutes away to inform you that it was actually a blind date. Surprise, bitch. 

“Does he at least know why he’s there?” 

“Of course! He was really excited too. Seems he’s had the hots for you for ages.” 

You were thankful he couldn’t tease you for the blush on your cheeks. “No one calls it the hots anymore, grandpa.” 

“Nevermind. Date canceled. I’m not saddling my Hobi Hobi with someone so disrespectful…”

“Calm down. Fuck, I’m not dressed for a date, Jinnie. I thought it was just going to be us so I’m just wearing jeans and a hoodie.” 

“It’s not my fault you don’t dress up for me.” 

You finally reach the café and stare at the sign like it would give you courage. “I can’t do this…” 

“Breathe. You can. You have no reason to feel guilty or undeserving. I picked the best one I can find for you, but if it doesn’t work out that’s okay too. There is no pressure. All I want is for you to be happy.” 

Your heart swelled, remembering that, oh yeah, this is why you kept Kim Seokjin around. 

“I really love you a lot, you know that right? You are the best friend I could ever ask for.” 

He chuckles happily. “I’ll remind you that you said that the next time you get mad at me. Good luck. Call me if you need to escape. Treat Hoseokie with care, too. He’s like one of those Gremlins. Don’t put him in water or anything high, and he turns into a weird sex demon after midnight.” 

“Should I ask how you know that?” 

“I know everything about everyone, my dear Y/N. Everything.” 

You’d call him out on his bluff if you were more certain that it actually was one. 

“Alright, I’m going in. Love you.” 

“Love you. Be nice to Hoseok.” 

You close the call and stuff your phone in your pocket, taking the chance to brush out any wrinkles and calm yourself. You just wished that you were wearing something cuter than a pink hoodie that you were pretty sure belonged to Jin at one point. At least your converse were pink to match and you’d done your hair. 

You enter the café, the stupid little bell making everyone’s heads turn toward you like you weren’t nervous enough. You think you spot the guy in question sitting next to a window, but you buy yourself some time with getting your drink first, peeking at him out of the corner of your eye. 

It wasn’t that you didn’t know him at all, you’d just never really talked to him. He worked at the company as a choreographer so naturally, you’ve seen him around. It was merely that producers like you were usually goblins that cooped themselves up in their studios and didn’t really get around to meeting everyone. It was impossible to not notice Hoseok though. Beyond the fact that he was handsome, he was also incredibly bright. Both inside and outside. You were sure you’d seen every color of the rainbow on his head at some point, and it was currently a flattering shade of orange that not many could pull off. 

Once you had your drink in hand, you turn and head towards the table. Hoseok is already standing to greet you, his smile wide and unabashed, and you finally begin to feel the first tingles of excitement. And maybe a few nervous butterflies. 

“Hi, Hoseok,” you smile shyly and sit when he gestures to a chair, trying not to laugh when he nearly tumbles trying to sit back down. 

“Hello!” he practically yells, and you finally notice that he just might be nervous too. He clears his throat and tries again. “Hi. Thanks for coming.” 

“Yeah, I...uh. I’m going to be honest - I only knew this was happening a few minutes ago. I thought I was meeting Jin,” you smile awkwardly, chuckling. 

He cringes and seems to droop before your very eyes. “Oh, sorry. I...I don’t want this to be a forced thing. I’ll just...uh. See you around?” 

He gets up to leave and you’re not sure what makes you grab his jean jacket to stop him. 

“No, please. Stay? I...I’m going to be bad at this because it’s been a long time but...I can try?” 

His smile is the happiest thing you’ve ever seen in your life. “Yeah? Okay. Alright, let’s do this.” 

You laugh and settle back into your seat, watching him as he does the same. He’s so expressive and vocal as he starts telling you a story about his day (one of his new kids fell and made the other ones fall like dominos and now his best dancer was out with a sprained ankle). He asked questions about your life, your interests, asked about your work. He was so beautiful and yet he looked at you like you were something awe-inspiring. It had been a long time since anyone had seemed so genuinely interested in you. Before you knew it an hour had flown by and your stomach was beginning to hurt from laughing so much. 

“So, I was thinking if I hadn’t scared you off yet, maybe you’d be willing to continue this date? But like, somewhere else because if I drink another cup of tea I’m going to burst,” Hoseok wrinkled his nose and sent you a shy smile, a single tiny dimple poking out. 

“I’d like that,” you grin, surprised yet again that you actually meant it. That you were actually excited to spend more time with him. “Maybe we could just walk around for a while and talk. There’s a park across the street and lots of people play music and stuff. And then maybe you could take me dancing tonight. Show off those moves you keep bragging about.” 

Where had this confident woman come from? 

Thankfully, his grin widens and he nods eagerly. “That sounds perfect. But first...little boys room. Be right back.” 

You giggle and settle back into your see as you watch him scurry frantically to the bathrooms - no surprise since he’d downed three cups of peppermint tea. You turn to observe the room to pass the time and that’s when you spot him. 

He’s standing near the pick-up counter with an iced americano in his hand, the condensation and half-melted ice suggesting he’d been there for a while. His haunted gaze is locked right on you and you meet it even as your stomach clenches with a myriad of emotions. 

Six months. Such a short time in the grand scheme of things but still so long since you’d last seen him. He’s as beautiful as ever, even if he’s obviously been losing weight that he didn’t need to and his lounging around the house clothes he was wearing in public gave off the IDGAF vibe. 

Yoongi seems to finally come to a decision as he saunters closer, eyes wide and unblinking like he’s afraid if he looks away for a single second you’ll disappear. He finally reaches your table and you fight the instinct to make a run for it. 

“Hey,” he says softly, his hand clenching tightly enough around his drink to make the plastic crinkle. 

“Hey,” you answer softly, unsure of what else to say. 

“You look beautiful,” he continues with a soft tone like he’s speaking to a spooked rabbit. Perhaps he was. 

“Thanks.” 

He nods silently, continuing to stare. “So...you’re on a date with Hoseok?” 

“Uh...yeah,” you swallow nervously. “Blind date. Seokjin set it up.” 

He nods again and licks his lips. “Yeah? That’s...good. Hoseok’s a good guy.” 

“Yeah. He seems nice.” 

“Yeah.” 

“You’re...doing okay?” You’re not sure what prompted you to ask. Perhaps there will always be a part of you that worries about him - you already know that there’s always going to be a part of your soul that belongs to him. 

He shrugs, “Alright. You?” 

“Yeah. I’m good. Have an apartment and going to counseling.” 

He flinches as if you’d just slapped him. “Sorry.” 

“It’s not just...because of you or what happened. It’s, you know, the past and all that too. Just needed to work things out. I think it’s helping. Maybe...maybe you could try it too.” 

“Maybe,” he responds noncommittally, his eyes finally falling to the floor. “I miss you.” 

Your heartbeat quickens. “Yeah. I miss you too.” 

“Do you think...maybe we could try…”

You cut him off before he can even finish that sentence. “No.” 

That was maybe too harsh because he looked like he wanted to melt into the floor straight to hell. 

“I...will always miss you. And a part of me will probably always love the Yoongi I had before, but no. I don’t quite have the gift of words that you do, but I just know that we weren’t right for each other. I mean, I was technically just a very long rebound before you got your chance with Jimin again, in the end.” 

“That’s not how it was. I loved you. I love you,” he grits out, his eyes taking on a steely edge as he looked back up. 

“Yeah. I know you did, just maybe not the right way. And I loved you, but I let you bulldoze over me. So maybe we could have been good, but you got greedy and I needed to learn to not be a doormat.” 

He nods and once again looks like a kicked puppy. 

You sigh and tap on the table nervously. “But for those years that we were together - I will always love that Yoongi. I will look back and remember that once upon a time there was a man and a woman who were crazy in love and built a home together. Who had dreams of building a lifetime together. I will hope that Yoongi has a happy life and that he finds what he needs. That he can find a companion who makes him want to fight for what they have together.” 

The tears streaming down his cheeks make you pause, realizing you’re fighting back some of your own. 

“I love you, Min Yoongi. But you weren’t right for me. Now it’s time for me to find my place in this world. Maybe Hoseok is it, maybe he isn’t. I’d like to think I don’t need another person to help me feel complete. Whatever it is, I’m learning how to speak up and fight for myself. I hope you can learn to be happy for me.” 

He nods, sniffling. “Whatever you want. I just...I just wanted you to know. I love you. I really did. And...I’m sorry. For what I did. I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry I hurt Jimin. Do you think...you’ll ever want to at least talk to me?” 

“I don’t know yet. Maybe someday. I don’t think you’re ready.” 

“Okay. I’ll be here.” 

“Yeah. I...you have to go home now, Yoongi. I’m on a date.” 

His watery eyes widen again, and he nods slowly. “Right, yeah. Sorry. Again. And...please. Call me or whatever if you ever need anything. I...won’t expect anything else. Just know that I’m here if you need someone. Can I ask for that, at least?” 

You nod, “Yeah. Thank you, Yoongi. I’ll...see you around.” 

He gulps and backs up. “Yeah, see you, Y/N.” 

He turns swiftly and practically jogs towards the entrance while you try to memorize what could be your last glimpse of the man you once loved. 

“Everything okay?” 

You jump and your eyes fly over to meet the sympathetic ones of Hoseok. 

“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you. I saw him talking to you and thought it was best to let you have privacy. Was that okay?” 

“Yeah,” you sigh. “He just wanted to talk. And...it was good. I think I finally feel a little more closure.” 

“So...I’m not like a rebound, right? Like, I know that you guys were dating and I heard some of it from Seokjin but...” 

“Uh...you’re the first time I’m trying to actually date since Yoongi. If that clears things up a bit,” you answer with a blush. You were not about to go into detail about those couple months of desperate hookups you’d used to try and gain your confidence back before you’d started therapy. 

Thankfully, he seems to not mind that bit of news judging by the wicked grin that paints his lips. “Oh?” 

“Shut up,” you growl, playfully swatting him. 

He chuckles and reaches out a hand to you. “Do you still feel up to continuing our date? If not, I’ll totally understand and we can reschedule. I’ll only cry and stress-eat a tiny bit, I promise.” 

You snort and accept his hand, letting him help you up. In a moment of bravery, you lace your arm in his and tug him towards the entrance. 

“Just you try to get away from me now, Jung Hoseok.” 

He giggles and lets you lead the way, both of you exiting the café and feeling hopeful about the future. 

[unnecessarywriting]

How Did You Come to That Conclusion - Sirius Black

Request: Hello!! If you have time, would you be able to do a Christmas themed one where Sirius and the reader are long time friends with mutual crushes on each other and they kiss under the mistletoe by accident and then some misunderstandings and then some fluff?

A/N: Merry Christmas. I hope you all enjoy. There are 2-3 more fics coming out today. My gift to you all!

Italics are Flashbacks

How Did You Come to That Conclusion

The common room during Christmas break was typically the most soothing place to be. Most students wanted to get back to their families. You, on the other hand, were perfectly okay with staying with the quiet warmth. Typically the only sounds were the fire crackling, pages turning, cups clinks, and the occasional laugh from one of the other students that stayed at Hogwarts. This was usually the only time of year that you actually saw Mcgonagall relax. This year however, a particular group of boys chose to stay too.

Most days, you didn’t have any problems with the boys. Oftentimes, you were around them and you could even be considered one of their friends. In fact, James knew a lot about your life that you wish he didn’t. See, at the beginning of this school year, he caught wind of what you were feeling for a mutual friend. 

“Ohh, is Ms. Y/L/N feeling a bit jealous of Sirius?” James teased. 

“Haha,” you awkwardly laughed away your blush, “as if I would ever be jealous because of someone like him.”

“Merlin! You really do like him don’t you? Oh, I can’t wait to tell Sirius. This is going to be -”

“This is going to be nothing Potter. You are not going to say a word about this to Sirius or to anyone,” you were practically growling through clenched teeth. 

“Or what? Listen Y/N this could be great for -”

“For no one. Please James, I’m begging you to just forget about it.”

“Forget about what?” Sirius appeared beside you. You looked to James who sighed. 

“Forget about nothing. Don’t worry about it.” You breathed a sigh of relief at James’ response. When you looked away, you missed the subtle wink sent to Sirius that told him he would find out soon enough. 

You and Sirius had been pretty close friends since the beginning of your time at Hogwarts. As he grew older, and hotter, his fans became more present in your life. You eventually took a step back to avoid the constant hateful glares sent your way for studying with a longtime friend. You didn’t stop spending time with him entirely though. He was still your friend, and if you were being honest, you liked knowing that you had his attention. It didn’t hurt any less, though, when he could be found around the school with any one of the girls in your year. 

Since you were spending your Christmas break with the Marauders at Hogwarts, you decided to make the most of it. You would join in some of the pranks, and you would sneak out a night with one of the boys to go down to the kitchen. With the help of their map and James’ cloak, you were all practically unstoppable. Christmas Eve was no exception. That night, you and Sirius were sent down to grab some food from the kitchen. It was late, and you were all planning on staying up past midnight to start your day off right with each other. 

In the common room, James was forming a plan. He was going to get the two of you together. He knew that you two liked each other, and he wasn’t fond of being caught in between something that could be solved if either one of you had the confidence to tell the other. 

“Moony, you think this’ll work right?” Remus looked at his friend and nodded slowly. 

“I guess it could, but I think this is something that should happen naturally. Why force something on them? This could also push them apart and make things more awkward.”

“That won’t happen though. My plan is foolproof.” James heard a snicker from his friend.

He had told them almost immediately after you had told James. He couldn’t hold it in for very long. Typically, he was good at secret-keeping but this time he needed to let loose. Remus wasn’t all that surprised and Peter seemed unaware of how Sirius felt. 

Down in the kitchens, you and Sirius were joking around. The two of you always managed to have fun together. It was almost like getting caught would be worth it if you were going to be with him. You didn’t know, but Sirius was thinking the exact same thing. 

“You know, if you wanted to get me alone, all you had to do was say so.” You laughed at his remark. 

“So shameless. Remember Sirius, James is the one who sent us. I didn’t make this decision by my own account.” Your relationship was full of flirtatious and witty remarks. It was a part of your charm. He most certainly was attracted to it. 

One of the many things Sirius liked about you was that you were willing to talk back to him. Most of the other girls would just crumble at everything he said to them. Not you. You would come back with something witty or sarcastic. Of course, this was only one of many things he adored about you.

As you two were returning to the common room, there was this energy between you two. Something told him that it was now or never. You said the password to enter the portrait hole. 

“Listen Y/N, I need to talk to you.” You stopped and told him to continue. Then he started to lean in for a quick peck on the lips. It was short and sweet, but he hoped that it got the message across that he liked her. When his eyes met yours, he was met with hurt. Your eyes were slightly glossy and were looking past him at James, who was smiling at the two of you. Then he heard you speak. 

“You know, I thought that you were a good guy. I truly believed it, but this is just cruel. Most pranks, well, most pranks I can handle. I’d like to think that I’m a good sport, but this was too far. James, I trusted you with my secret, and clearly you ignored my wishes. And you,” you pointed your finger at Sirius’ chest, “you had no right to follow through with such a stupid idea. What, did you think it was funny to make fun of the girl who likes you? Is it really that amusing to play with someone’s emotions? And what do you know, you had an audience too. You’re the worst Sirius Black. I don’t know what I ever saw in you!” You stomped your way up to your door and slammed it shut as the tears streamed down your face. Your salty tears would be the only thing offering comfort that night. 

The common room was silent for a moment. The boys had never seen you completely lose it like that before. Sirius was confused to say the least, but then he looked up above his head. The mistletoe that was hanging above his head suddenly burned to ash as he sent a charm that way. He turned to look at his best friend. 

“Prongs, why did you think that this would be a good idea?” James looked incredibly guilty and full of regret. 

“Padfoot, I just wanted the two of you to finally get together. I thought that this would push you in the right direction, but it clearly didn’t work out that way. Plus, she kinda had a point about me breaking her trust.” 

“What did you do Prongs?” Sirius was getting angry.

“Well, she kinda let it slip that she has feelings for you, and well I told these guys without her permission, or knowledge.” James looked down guiltily. Sirius couldn’t believe the situation, but now he understood how this hurt her. He was going to fix this, but he just needed her to leave the room.

 You were in your dorm crying in both embarrassment and pain. How could James betray your trust like that? And how could Sirius play into such a stupid prank? You thought that maybe, just maybe, you could have a chance with him, but of course he had to turn around and be a jerk. You were hurt, but you also couldn't stop thinking about his lips on yours. Before you realized what was going on, you were in heaven. They were just as soft as your thought, and he tasted slightly like peppermint from the candy cane he was eating before you made it back to the common room. 

Sirius stayed in the common room for hours. He was hoping that he would catch you coming down from the dorm. He was falling asleep when he finally heard you. You thought that you were being stealthy, and you were, but when the portrait closed behind you, Sirius was startled back to consciousness. He wasn’t sure if it was you at first, but he needed to make sure. He grabbed the map from the table and saw your name retreating to the kitchens. Of course. You left the common room before you could eat any of the snacks from earlier. You had also mentioned needing to make the trip to Hogsmeade to get some more sweets because you had run out a few days before. He got up abruptly and stumbled out into the hall to catch up to you. 

It was almost 3 AM by the time you had escaped the common room. You saw Sirius asleep on the couch, and you couldn’t help but thank Merlin for letting you escape him. You most certainly were not in the mood to deal with him. You were exhausted, emotional, and more importantly, hungry. You made it to the kitchens and started scouring for anything that you could get your hands on.

“Excuse me Miss, but it appears that you might need some help.” The second you heard his voice, you felt the anger bubble within. You didn’t say anything in return. If there is something that Sirius hates more than anything, it’s being ignored. 

“Ignoring me eh? I guess I deserve that, but that works because I just need you to listen to m- Hey where are you going?” You started to walk out of the kitchens. You had lost your appetite. He grabbed you by the wrist and pulled you back towards him. 

“Stay put and listen, will ya?” You nodded reluctantly knowing he wasn’t going to let you go. “I get why you’re mad, but you don’t know what happened. I didn’t know what James was planning. I was trying to tell you how much I like you. I think you’re the sweetest, smartest, most beautiful girl in the entire world. You make my heart beat faster every time you look at me, and you take my breath away every time you laugh. I am falling hard for you Y/N and I don’t want James’ stupid attempts at getting us together to push us apart. If you want to be mad at Prongs, then be mad at him. Hell, I’m mad at him too, but trust me when I say that I want to be with you.” You stayed silent for a moment and processed everything. Okay, so maybe you jumped to conclusions a little quickly, and Sirius did sound quite, well serious. 

“So you like me huh?” You said cheekily. You might as well play it cool since you were lowkey freaking out inside that he actually really liked you.

“How did you come to that conclusion?” He pulled you closer towards his body and smirked as he leaned down for a real kiss. It was like a fairytale. You smiled into the kiss, and pulled away. 

“This is great and all, but I’m still hungry.” He laughed and helped you find some food. 

The two of you retreated back to the common room, where you met James. He went to speak, but you put your hand up to stop him.

“I’m not happy about the trust thing, but you did have good intentions. Happy Christmas James. My gift to you is forgiveness. Take it.” He smiled and sighed out in relief. 

“Thank Merlin!” He pulled the two of you into a hug. “So, you two are together?” You and Sirius just smiled at each other. He was the best gift you could have received.

[voidaus]

Final Goodbyes

Summary: Your a Youtuber and in a stream you see this pen-pal app and download it, creating an account. This all happened months ago. The guy you met on there was amazing, and you talked for months until he just... stopped.

Genre: Angst?

warnings: swearing, fighting

Requested? No

Word count: 1402

I believe everyone deserves a second chance. No matter how difficult things are. No matter how ugly things got. But maybe sometimes, the problem is that I believe too much. Seeing good in every person, while of course, some people are just... not good.

But that's not how this story goes. No, he is good. I am a hundred percent sure of that. The question is, 'is he willing to change and show that side of him?'. I guess we won't find out if I don't reach out to him huh?

The grey laptop is on my couch, still warm from the last time I used it just an hour ago. Grabbing myself some hot chocolate I lay down on the soft pillows and pull my blanket up to my chest. Whilst finally deciding I'm comfortable in this position I grab the laptop again and open it, typing in my password. The device starts up, letting me in.

"miaow" a soft purring comes from the ground. My cat, Athena, jumps on the couch as soon as I pat it. "Hey there gorgeous" I greet her. The laptop dings, making it clear that it's ready to be used. I give it my full attention again. Should I really open Zaira?

Zaira is an online penpal app where you can anonymously make friends. I signed up about 2 years ago and never really managed to find someone I really hit it off with. You know, I just couldn't find the words to talk to any of the people who messaged me. My anxiety not really helping with making friends, of course, I thought meeting them online would be easier. I was wrong. 

No one understood me, which isn't really surprising. I'm a bookworm, but also a gamer. I have lots of hobbies but not quite the energy to pursue them. The only thing that still has me uploading videos and streaming is the money and my supporters. My supporters standing first on the list, of course. I upload mostly gaming videos under the name Void. I go faceless. I never really liked my appearance for that matter.

I hesitate but still open it. The familiar logo greets me and only a moment after that my only friend on the site shows up, bringing back memories.

Zaira? What's this? "An online penpal app where you can add strangers and make friends. Now free in the AppStore!" I read the description out loud for my viewers. "Should I download it guys?" I ask the live chat, hoping they would say yes. Soon enough I get the confirmation from them and I click the button, hoping it won't take too long to download. I create a profile typing in my bio: 'Bookworm, Gamer, Weeb :)' The chat confirms that that pretty much describes me making me laugh. "Perhaps we can actually meet some cool people on here guys! Who knows?""Alright." I scroll through the site, reading people's bios until one of them spots the fans' eyes. The comments are going crazy fast right now. "click them!""omg Void, you have to message Sasori!" and more comments like that. I click on the profile, reading it's bio. Their given name is Sasori Matsudo. I laugh, explaining to some of the viewers that don't watch anime that these are names from Naruto and Death Note. "I suggest you watch them. those are some good animes!".

I smile at the memories and click on his profile. "Sasori Matsudo" the name rolls off my tongue. I chuckle "not a weeb huh?" Slowly looking through the messages, the familiar empty feeling enters my body again. To be honest, it never left. Ever since the fight, it was always there, following my every step. I close my eyes, letting the painful memories flood in again.

"I just don't understand why you can't talk about it with me!" your voice is slightly raised as you hold the phone in your shaking hand. "Because I just can't, okay! I can't keep throwing all of my shit onto you. you know I could never do that!" The man you know as Corpse yells back. You're both stressed out and upset, and this is the worst fight you ever had. You had decided to message 'Sasori Matsudo' on Zaira, and you two grew close very quickly. After 4 months of chatting on the site, he gave you his number. Not long after, he told you That he's the famous Youtuber known as Corpse Husband. You began to watch his videos and enjoyed them a lot, telling him so. In the fifth month of you two knowing each other, You started to call each other once in a while. That turned into calling every day, and soon you were calling more than 4 hours a day.

Your voice softens at his upset tone, realizing you're not the only one hurt here. You give a deep sigh before talking into your phone again. "I'm always here for you Corpse. I don't care how many times you call me, even if it's in the middle of the night. You make me feel better, you make me happy, and I want to be there for you. Please don't shut me out like this." you're practically begging at this point. He can't shut you out! Not like this.

"Void... You know I love you. Please, keep doing what you're doing, keep making videos and baking, and all the little things I love about you. But I just can't continue doing this to you. I'm sorry." He speaks up. The low voice you adore so much is soft and trembling. He sounds like he could break down crying any time now. "No, please, Corpse! Please don't leav-"

your phone lets out a long beep cutting you off. Breaking down crying, you hurl your hand against your mouth, attempting to silence your sobs. On the other side of the line, the man with the curly black mop on his head is doing the same. Tears flow down both of your eyes as void fills your hearts.

It hurts, but he knows he had to do this. He was always troubling you with his feelings, and he couldn't even show you his face! What kind of friend is that? Loud sobs take over his apartment, as his heart hurts, knowing he can't talk to you again.

And he didn't.

You lay on the couch, clenching your blanket awfully hard. You don't notice the tears streaming down your face till Athena climbs onto your lap and licks them off. You cuddle her in an attempt to comfort yourself, as the dark feeling in your chest grows stronger. 

You open a new tab and type in his number. All the old messages show up. He probably blocked you, but you have to try. He wanted you to be happy, but then why did he leave you?!

After that night, he never messaged you again. Did he really not want to talk to you anymore? You ask yourself.

But all Corpse has been doing is lay in bed and upload videos once in a while. His followers noticed something is off, and so has his friends. He's acting off whenever he streams and rarely jokes around anymore. 

You text him a simple 'how are you' and close your laptop after. The next day you check if he's replied. Nothing. You keep checking for two weeks, but nothing comes in. It's over. He's not coming back. You begin sobbing and lift yourself from the couch, scaring a sleeping Athena. You jog to the kitchen and shove everything off the counter, breaking some cups and plates in the process. Sliding down against the sink, you put your face in your hands, letting out an ear-piercing scream. The weight of the world is crashing down on you, and all you can do is cry and scream. The daydream is finally over.

Corpse saw your message.  He's tried messaging you so many times, but each time he holds himself back. All he wants is to talk to you, but he knows he shouldn't. Well, that's what he believes is best. Every day he thinks about you, thinking that you have already forgotten him, though it's the opposite. You think about him every day, remembering all of the memories. 

All the laughs and all the cries. All the comforts, to final goodbyes.

Hey Guys! I hope you're okay after this lil angsty piece of crap lmao. I tried my best. Anyways, if you have any comments or feedback, I always appreciate it! Oh, and 200 notes on 'Grocery Shopping'?!!??? Y'all are crazy, thank you so much!

If you liked this, my taglist is always open and so are my requests!

@persephone-sideblog @reinyrei @cherry-piee @alienvarmint @divine-artemis @milanienne

[iam93percentstardust]

Hey love! How about some winteriron h/c fluff? Millennial vet Bucky, Tony as his generous amazing self just without IM. T picks B as a test subject for his project on prosthetics he started after making a new [blank] for himself after Afghanistan. B expects the public Tony Stark persona and so he's a bit rude (cuz "fuck corporations and the superwealthy") but can't afford to say no, T picked him cuz he read B's profile and found him hilarious&refreshing. Snarks ensue. You know how it ends ;)

This ended up diverging a little from the prompt but I hope you’ll still like it :)

Also on ao3 here

~

“If there’s one thing I’ve proven,” Stark says on the screen, “it’s that you can count on me to pleasure myself.”

Bucky snorts and shakes his head in disgust. Maybe he shouldn’t be so disgusted by the guy seeing as he’s the one offering to build him a new arm but honestly, Bucky just thinks it’s a publicity stunt. He knows the type of guy that Tony Stark is. He was at the last SI weapons demonstration before Stark nearly got himself blown up and he remembers how drunk the guy had been. He remembers Stark leering at Steve before climbing into a jeep with members of their sister troop—good soldiers, men and women who hadn’t deserved to die defending someone like Stark.

So what if Stark had stopped making weapons?

So what if it had turned out that Stane was double dealing?

So what if it isn’t actually Stark’s fault that Bucky had his arms blown off a few months after Stark announced he wasn’t going to make weapons anymore and the DoD had turned to Hammer who apparently couldn’t even make a decent bomb that blew up while he was setting it?

People are dead because Stark couldn’t pull his goddamn head out of his ass, because he’s just like every other billionaire in the world, obsessed with his own wants and his own wishes and expects the world to bow to his every whim. And now, when he gets called in front of Congress to account for breaking his contract with the DoD, he makes a complete mockery out of the proceedings. Not that that’s all that hard and honestly, Bucky would have probably done the same thing if he’d been in Stark’s position.

Bucky wouldn’t have even accepted the offer of the prosthetic if it hadn’t been for Steve signing the paper for him. He would have told Stark exactly where he could stuff his publicity stunt of a philanthropic endeavor. Steve had been the one to fish SI’s letter out of the trash, sign the waivers and the forms, and mail it back to a Ms. Potts to tell her that he was apparently accepting SI’s oh-so-generous offer.

Eventually, he’ll get Steve back for that. Probably after he gets used to having another arm.

“Mr. Barnes?” someone asks, walking into the waiting area from one of the many branching hallways. “Tony’s ready for you now.”

He stands, tucking his phone back into his pocket, and joins her. She’s pretty enough and once upon a time, he probably would have even flirted with her but that was back when he had two working arms and self-confidence. Now he has one arm, a cheap prosthetic that makes his shoulder seize in pain sometimes, and he’s in therapy to get his head straight.

…Dr. Beck probably wouldn’t call it that though and he’d probably get upset that Bucky is, even if it’s in his own head. He’s big on that whole “use nice terms to describe your PTSD” thing.

…He’s in therapy to learn how to manage his PTSD.

There. That sounds nice, right?

“Tony’s sorry he couldn’t get to you sooner,” the woman tells him as they walk down the hall. Her heels click on the floor, sounding a nice rhythm that Bucky finds himself emulating unconsciously. “He had you lined up for the program ages ago but then everything with Obadiah and—”

“It’s fine,” Bucky mutters. He probably wouldn’t have wanted to meet Stark back then anyway. He doesn’t even want to meet him now.

The woman stops in front of room that looks like it should have glass walls but are currently covered in some sort of black…stuff, Bucky isn’t sure what. A keypad pops out of the wall right next to the door and she types something in that looks long and complicated. Bucky looks away so she’s not worried about him trying to guess the password even though he doubts he could have remembered it even if he’d been hovering right over her shoulder.

The door slides open and Bucky follows her inside—into a wonderland.

There’s a whole bunch of absolutely gorgeous vintage cars in one corner and what looks like actual robots fighting over a smoothie machine in another and blue holograms filling the air and Stark himself talking to…thin air?

Except not thin air because a moment later thin air says, “I’m not sure that’s a good idea, sir.”

“Sass!” Stark exclaims. “I’ll donate you to MIT, see if I don’t. Let the undergrads pick you apart.”

“As you say at least once a day, sir.”

“What do I have to do to get some respect around here?” he mutters and before Bucky can stop himself, he snickers.

Stark wheels around, seemingly startled, and peers first at Bucky and then turns to the woman. “Pepper,” he laments. “Why do you let me make a fool of myself?”

“You do that just fine on your own,” she says, smiling fondly.

“Hmph. Sass from you, sass from my own AI—”

“That was an AI?” Bucky blurts out. The articles don’t say anything about something like that.

Stark looks at him again and then asks, “Which answer is less likely to make you think of Skynet? Never mind, not important. Your arm is what’s important and I put it—somewhere. I put it somewhere. What the fuck did I do with it? Pepper!”

“Have you checked the fabricator?”

“…No.” He wanders off towards the robots and some sort of fancy device behind them.

Pepper must see the shell-shocked expression on Bucky’s face as he tries to put together the image of the polished Tony Stark he’s seen on TV with the greasy mechanic wearing goggles on the top of his head in front of him because she says, “You’ll get used to him.”

“Uh-huh,” he agrees doubtfully.

“Do you have a preference on color?” Stark calls from the other end of the—what does he call it, a lab? A workshop?

“What?”

“Color!”

“You might as well join him,” Pepper says. “He really wants your input on this.”

“Why?”

He must sound as confused as he feels because Pepper smiles understandingly at him and says, “Because it’s your arm. I know Tony puts on this front for—everyone, really—but he’s not as bad as he makes himself seem. He blames himself for you losing your arm.”

“Why would he do that? It’s not his fault Hammer makes shitty bombs.”

“No, but it is his fault that the Army went to Hammer in the first place. He still thinks this is the right direction to take the company in but he still feels guilty for what happened to you.”

“Do you agree with him?”

“About the company?” She looks over at Stark, a wistful look in her eyes. “I’ve always thought that Tony could do something more. About you? It doesn’t really matter how I feel. It matters how both of you feel.” She pauses and then adds, “He really liked your application, you know.”

“Application? What application? I didn’t apply for this.”

“No we both know that,” she reassures him. “Your friend did. Said you were too stubborn to take a handout from a stuck-up billionaire to fill out the application yourself. It made Tony laugh.”

Huh. That says something about him, doesn’t it? That he can laugh about being called a stuck-up billionaire?

He glances over at Stark who’s now jumping up and down in the air, waving his arms to get him to go over there. “Barnes!” Stark calls. “I want your opinion on the color of your arm.”

“Wait, that’s what he wants to know?” Bucky asks, amazed. The world suddenly feels like it’s been flipped upside down. “He’s asking my opinion about that?”

“It matters to him,” Pepper says simply. She raises her voice to ask, “Will that be all, Mr. Stark?”

“That’ll be all, Miss Potts,” Stark calls back, grinning like it’s an old joke between the two of them. “Barnes!”

As Pepper leaves, Bucky picks his way across the room, carefully dodging holograms even after Stark says it’s okay to walk through them. “You know, you can call me Bucky,” he says as he joins him.

“Sure, I’ll do that just as soon as you call me Tony,” Stark says distractedly.

“Can do, Tony.”

Tony visibly freezes, shivers a moment, and then flashes him a quick smile. It’s there and gone but it’s still surprisingly lovely, something real and sweet that Bucky thinks he’s gonna have to ponder when he gets home tonight.

“So, color?”

“I don’t really have a preference.”

“Great!” Tony says enthused. “Because I had an idea last night for interlocking plates.”

“Like armor?”

“Yes, but sexier.”

And his enthusiasm must be infectious because Bucky thinks about that quicksilver smile he saw a minute ago and says, “Sure thing, Tony.”

[sleepypeaky]

now i’ve found you

finn shelby x male reader

request: male!reader, who is Tommy's assistant, is pretty sure he's straight. but he ends up falling for one of the shelby brothers (your choice!). insert gay crisis, and potentially tommy/aunt polly/ada being supportive?

w/c: 1,363

a/n: i love this headcannon so much thank you. i know i do finn for everything but i thought this would work the best and also i love him so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ note that john is alive because im in deep denial. i know i went for a heavier take on this than i could have, but i think it works. also yes i ripped that scene right out of the DA movie. i hope i did the mlm a good. #wlwmlmsolidarity

this is 1928 ish so finn is 20 and so is the reader

this is very obviously way more fully formed than any of my other fics but its tuesday and i have nothing to do so 

Ada Thorne had always looked out for you. So when she managed to get you a job working for her brother, you knew you would be safe. Now you hurried up the steps and knocked on a large heavy wooden door, which opened presently to a sitting room where you awaited your new boss.

Ada held the phone to her ear.

“Listen,” she said. “I have a lad who needs a safe place to work. He’s smart and capable and before you say anything, no, he’s not a spy.”

Tommy silently acknowledged the last part with approval. “Ok, but protection from what?”

Ada looked over her shoulder, making sure none of the others in the house were about. She sighed, “I know this means little to you, but he -lets put it this way- doesn’t fancy the ladies. And life is hard enough for people like him without having to worry about being kicked out of work for something that’s no one’s goddamn business.”

“As you said, this lad’s private life is moot to me, but if you can vouch for his work ethic and loyalty, i’ll give him a try.”

“You must be (y/f/n), nice to meet you.” Tommy shook your hand and led you into his office.

“My sister talks very highly of you, and she is quite possibly the only honest person i know.” He offered you a chair and lit himself a cigarette.

“So, the job is simple enough. I need an assistant, the most recent of which, is my wife, who can’t very well be working for me anymore.”

You smiled and nodded. 

“Well I have two years of university to my name so I hope I can be useful.”

Tommy chuckled, “Well you are more qualified than any other man here lad, and it’s probably smart to get some new young blood on the company.”

You smiled, “Thank you sir.”

He motioned you to follow him out of the room and into a smaller one just off it.

“This is your office, across the hall-” He motioned behind him through the door, where directly adjacent was another room, “-Is my cousin Michael’s office, he is the account handler so to speak.”

“Now,” He turned back to you, “There is the matter of this.”

He placed a pistol and a handful of ammunition onto the desk between you.

“You know how to shoot son?’

You looked concernedly at the weapon casually lying on the table,

“No sir.”

“Well, hopefully you wont ever need to use this but it seems to be company policy, never can be too careful. I’ll have someone teach you.” 

You thanked him and placed the items in a desk drawer.

“If you’ll follow me, i’ll give you the rundown of the company,” he said. “I’ve got some time and I need to wrangle up some people.”

You followed him out the door and through a series of buildings where different operations took place. At one point, you walked into a sort of yard-warehouse area.

Beginning from a distance and gradually growing louder,  you could hear ‘duck!’ ‘hit!’ ‘shift!’ etc.. 

All was explained when you and Tommy turned the corner.

In a roped off section of the cement yard were two very handsome young men. Both boxing and both, seemingly to vex you on your first day, shirtless.

“That’s Bonnie and Finn, don’t mind them.” Tommy commented off-hand. 

He turned left and walked into another building, leaving you just enough time to glance back at the two shirtless men, before ducking in after him.

After Tommy had introduced you the Charlie and Curly, he led you back to the office and then said he had to run, and you could start filing the stack of papers on his desk. 

You went right to work, and before long, had forgotten the time completely.

~~~~

You were in a filing induced trance when a noise took you out of it.

The noise turned out to be the door opening.

“Oh hi.. i didn’t know anyone was in here..” The boy stammered.

You looked up to see on of the boys from the boxing ring, taken slightly by surprise, you fumbled out from behind the desk to introduce yourself.

“Sorry to surprise you, hi i’m (y/n), Mr. Shelby’s new assistant.” You held out your hand and he shook it.

“I’m Finn,” he stumbled “Tommy’s brother.” he released your hand.

“Can I help you with anything?” You asked, tilting your head.

“Well I thought I’d find my brother here but i guess i’ll see him later.”

In a hasty fashion he held up a hand as a brief farewell, and scurried out of the room.

You sighed and cursed silently to yourself.

Out of all the people he could have been, why my boss’s brother.

~~~~

Like no time at all, the weeks and months seemingly flew past. You had become acquainted with everyone and felt like you had finally found your place. There were, of course, still some aspects with which you couldn’t fit in just the same as any other.

“Oi, you’re a good looking lad! Why don’t you come along with us tonight. Get some drink and find a girl, Birmingham’s best!” Arthur wheezed.

“That’s not saying much, but do come along mate!” John followed up. Giving you a friendly slap on the back.

You smiled,

“Thanks,” You gave john a man-pat on the shoulder, “But i got some work to finish here.”

“Suit yerself.” And they were gone.

You sighed with relief. You knew you’d have to go someday, but right now you couldn’t handle the idea of,,,that.

A few minutes later ,you heard a knock on the door and Finn entered, holding two crystal glasses and a bottle of whiskey.

“i heard you skipped goin’ to the Garrison with the others so i thought i’d bring some to you.”

He placed the things down on your desk and sat on the chair opposite you.

“You’re a life-saver! thank you.” you exclaimed.

Finn chuckled, pouring you a glass and handing it over, 

“Yeah, it’s not really my scene either.”

You hummed, taking a sip and savoring it quickly in your mouth. You wondered, a stupid thing to do, if it wasn’t his scene for the same reasons as you. Though the more you got to know him. You suspected.

Suspicions are a dangerous thing. Especially ones that are led by the heart, and are ever so biased on your own happiness. Nevertheless, a week or so later from that night, you popped in to tell Finn, with perhaps too much certainty,

“You know, I think I know a place you might enjoy.”

~~~~

London always induced a joyous feeling inside you. Not that you had only fond memories from living there -far from it- but there was something about a city where the air wasn’t 80% coal soot.

You and Finn got off the train and made your way to Ada’s house. It was always a delight to be in her presence. Especially because you owed her so much, in fact, probably you owed her your life in so may ways.

After tea, and insisting that you had to make your way to a surprise spot, you and Finn made your way into the night.

Through a maze of mews and side-streets, down alleys and cracks you led him.

“I know i grew up in small heath,” He said at one point, when you were in a particularly funky alley. “but where the hell are you taking me?”

“Trust me.”  you assured him.

You both came out of an alley and into a small courtyard-like space. You brushed off your clothes a little and knocked on a door in the dark brick wall.

A little notch opened up and you whispered the password. the door swung open.

“Hello Love!” The doorman said, “ ‘aven’t seen you ‘round here for a long time!” 

You greeted the man back and made apologies. Presently, you went inside, leading Finn behind you.

Inside was an immaculate ballroom filled with people. Jazz music was pouring from the stage at the far end of the room. But as Finn looked around more, he started thinking that something was off. 

When he realized he froze.

All the people dancing, all the paired up couples, were men. Some dressed lavishly and others in plain working clothes. some with curled mustaches and some with cheeks of rouge and powdered skin.

Finn couldn’t believe his eyes.

He saw for the first time, a pair of men dancing hand in hand with wild smiles on their faces. Laughing, singing along.

Finn couldn’t move, nor could he take his eyes off the sights around him.

He felt your presence next to him, 

“Was i right to bring you here?” You asked.

He turned his head to face you, he was quivering. He looked you in the eyes, eyes that were lined with tears. 

“I had no idea,” He whispered,

“I had no idea there were others.”

Your heart ached for him in a way that only those like them know. You knew what he felt, the wonder, the pain, the confused elation.

You took his hand,

“There are.”

You slowly pulled him to the dance floor.

The music had gotten slower, and the dancing changed to a sort of swaying four-step. 

You took his other hand first, letting him go at his own pace, but soon you were as close as the others on the floor. both of you had a hand on the others waist.

Finn looked around again, at all the other people, eyes all closed and heads close. He turned back to you and moved even closer. He brought his lips up to your ear, 

“Thank you.” He whispered. He kept his cheek at yours, you felt his hands on your back.

He moved his head slowly so he could look at you again, it was such that your foreheads touched. Your heart beat slow, but hard. You whispered

“Can i kiss you?”

His eyes flicked up to yours before looking down again and moving his lips to yours.

It was ever so soft, barely even there. But it was there, and that was beyond anything Finn had ever felt or imagined before. He closed his eyes and kissed harder this time, and from beneath his eyelids came small lines of tears. The release of an unseen, unknown burden that he had carried for so long.

All you felt was warmth. And the ballroom surrounding you disappeared. You were on a different plane of being, the jazz music still crooned, muffled. 

All there was was him, and for him all there was was you.

~~~~

Epilogue

Finn stood outside the opaque glass of the door. And in the irony of psychology, he had never felt more confident about what he was going to do.

He opened the door to Tommy’s office. 

“Hello Finn.” He said from behind the desk, cigarette smoking from his lip.

Finn went right up and took a seat across from his brother. 

“I’m a homosexual.” He declared, his gaze unwavering despite the magnanimity of his previous statement. 

Tommy took the cigarette from between his lips and put it out.

“Well then.” He reached over and grabbed a bottle of whiskey, pouring two glasses and sliding one over to Finn. He took a sip.

“Why are you telling me now?”

“Because I’m in love with (y/n).” He replied casually, taking himself a swig.

Tommy raised his brow, but made no other physical impression of surprise.

“Well then.” He said again.

Finn sat there in the silence of Tommy’s company. Surprised, and at the same time not, at his reaction. 

Tommy got up from his seat and made his was around the desk. Finn stayed where he was. In an act so small, and yet untellingly powerful, tommy placed a hand of finns shoulder, and kept it there.

“How will the others find out?”

They found out at a family meeting a month later, when, a new agenda item was introduced.

For a while after, there was silence. 

John, being john, broke it with,

“Falling for a secretary huh?” he chuckled, “that seems more like something i’d do.”

That lightened the tension. Amid the other items on the list, Finn leaned over to Ada, who sat on his right.

“Tell me,” He asked quietly to her, “did you know?”

She breathed a moment, finding the words to use.

“I knew you had more on your mind than we could ever know.”

Finn looked back ahead, letting her words sink into his mind. Her hand rested on his knee with quiet warmth and reassurance.

~~~~ You waited outside the meeting room until the rest of them filed out. Finn was the last, and when he appeared you gave him a quick peck on the lips, and held his hand, walking together out of the building.

[gale-gentlepenguin]

ML Fic: Soulmate Survey Part 5 (10,000th Post)

(Master post)

(I hope you all enjoy it)

______________________________________________________________________

“City of Love? Ha! There is no love in this city!” The akuma shouted angrily at the sky.

The akuma in question seemed to be a mix of human and bird. With sharp Eagle like talons on her feet. Her Arms were replace with large hawk wings that she used to fly. Beautiful Green feathers covered her wings and body which looked like a giant bird, leaving her head and neck that looked to be the only human parts of her, having Eagle eyes and a mask reminiscent of a butterfly, with her long wavy brown hair. Around her neck was a necklace with a small golden eagle creature on it.

There were countless feathers piercing the ground all over the place. It seems the akuma was leaving quite an impression.

A cat themed hero jumped onto a roof where a red clad heroine was observing.

“Afternoon Bugaboo. And what do I owe the pleasure of seeing you today.” The cat flirted.

“An akuma unfortunately.” The heroine said with her usual serious tone. Though she seemed more annoyed then usual. Not that she ever was happy to fight an akuma but she was not really in the mood for an akuma attack.

“So what’s this one’s deal?”

Ladybug simply pointed to the akuma with little enthusiasm as if on cue the akuma answered the cats question.

“How can this be a city of love when there are callous men who will abandon you without notice! One minute they are messaging you how excited they are to see you and then next they don't bother to show up and ignore your calls! So long as I, The Harpy am here, no woman will ever be hurt by a man again!” The akuma exclaimed.

“She has been saying that for 20 minutes.” Ladybug stated clearly irritated.

“So you're saying she has been Parroting her point?” Chat noir Inquired with a smirk.

Ladybug rolled her eyes but with a smile on her face.

“Just see if you can beak her interest for a bit and Ill try and get the jump on her.” Ladybug insisted, now in a slightly better mood.

Chat noir smiled at her pun. I wonder if Marinette will share my fondness of puns. If he remembered right her dad loved puns. So she should be use to hearing them. I bet she has a few good ones. He quickly pushed those thoughts out of his head. Akuma now, daydreams later.

“Ill be sure to make sure to ruffle her feathers.” He punned one last time with a wink before heading off. 

The harpy was looking around, it seemed that most of the people were taking cover.

“You know I agree, men can be jerks. Thats why I prefer women.” the black clad hero commented, causing the akuma to turn around.

“Chat noir! The horrible half of the miraculous duo!” The Harpy hissed.

“Its actually adorable. Thats okay, most of the akuma keep getting that one confused. its a common...” Chat noir bantered only to be interrupted by an incoming barrage of feathers coming at him.

Using his cat like reflexes, the blond managed to dodge the sharp feather.

“Yikes! You can poke an eye out with those.”

Chat noir decided to jump down to avoid more feathers.

“Hold still you mangy Alley cat! You men are all the same, leaving at the first opportunity! Just like Curtis! ”

Chat noir couldn't help but wonder what this Curtis guy did to make this akuma so mad, and if he should feel worse for Curtis or for her.

Ladybug swung her yo-yo around the akuma’s wing. The akuma turned to see Ladybug and looked betrayed.

“You are actually helping him? He is just a nasty male. He will break your heart.”

Ladybug felt a pang of guilt as she heard the akuma say that, if things go how Marinette wants, she might be the one who unfortunately breaks hearts. 

“I wouldn't worry about Chat noir, I have an itching feeling that you should worry about  your wing.” Ladybug answered with a smirk.

“My wing? Why would I worry about my... why is it so itchy?” The akuma exclaimed in surprise.”

She looked at the yo-yo and noticed that the string and the yo-yo itself were covered in a mysterious powder.

Ladybug reveals a small ladybug print canister. The akuma realized it was Itching powder.

The Akuma tried to scratch her wing but if she tried to with her other wing, she would fall.

The Harpy shrieked and tried to get away.

“Chat noir!” Ladybug called out as the akuma was flying away and taking Ladybug for a ride.

“I am on it.”

Chat noir gave chase to the bird akuma who flew around in circles trying to get ladybug off.

But while distracted she didn't see the cat jump from the roof she was flying a bit too close to and he snagged her necklace.

“NO!” The Harpy cried out in horror. Ladybug used that as her signal to let go.

Chat noir activated his power to break the necklace which released the Akuma.

Ladybug quickly captured and purified the black butterfly.

“Bye bye little butterfly.”

Ladybug tosses the canister into the air and all the damage from the fight was fixed.

 The Harpy turned back into her normal form. Now no longer covered in green feathers she was wearing a simple yet fashionable summer dress and her eagle eyes were replaced with lovely green eyes. Looking like a woman in her late twenties.

Ladybug and chat noir fist bump to celebrate.

After their congratulations, the two approach the woman to check on her.

“Are you okay? You seemed really upset when you were an akuma?” Ladybug inquired.

The woman spoke with a saddened tone.

“I am sorry for all the trouble I have caused. I was just upset with Curtis standing me up. We had met through this matchmaker app, that one that shows your compatibility. We really hit it off after he messaged me and we seemed to have a lot in common. He acted so sweet and thoughtful, we were planning to meet up for the first time today but.. but he stood me up on the date...” The woman started tearing up. “I thought he was going to be different!”

Ladybug and chat noir felt her words strike a cord. It sounded a lot like the app that they were familiar with. Was it not as accurate as they were lead to believe?

“Well, I guess putting your faith in an app could be...” Ladybug began to say before getting interrupted.

“Angela!” A voice called out.

The three looked to see a man with short honey blond hair and brown eyes, holding a bouquet of flowers, clearly exhausted.

“Thank goodness you are okay. I am so sorry for being late. The subway broke down and I had no signal to call you. I messaged you as soon as I was out explaining everything. Then when I saw that Bird akuma attacking I couldn’t help but worry so I went looking for you.”

The brunette pulled out her phone reveal she had 10 texts and two missed calls.

“Oh. Oh my I am embarrassed. I am sorry for assuming the worst, Curtis. I thought you had stood me up and...”

“Stand up a spectacular women like you? Assume I am dead first.” Curtis said with a soft smile.

The two laughed at the comment, showing that there was something between them.

Ladybug and Chat noir could tell the couple were having a moment and decide to let them be.

The two make their way to a rooftop as they let the two lovebirds talk.

“Seems like things worked out for her.” Chat noir spoke, he was far more relieved.

“Yea, I am glad the guy didn't actually stand her up. Sounds like that app she used didn't steer her wrong.” Ladybug agreed, also feeling relief about the revelation.

“It sounds like there might be something to it.” Chat noir commented. “Purrhaps we should test our own compatibility Ladybug. Have you considered making an account?”

"Who says I do or don't already have one?” Ladybug teased.

“Oh? So my lady is searching for her soulmate? How strange, I have been right here the whole time.” Chat noir joked.

Ladybug laughed.

“I assume you don't, since you have ‘your soulmate’ so close.” Ladybug teased.

“Purrhaps or Purrhaps I do have one.” Chat noir purred.

“You already used that pun earlier kitty.”

“Fur real? I guess I am not on my game today.” Chat noir admitted.

“Its fine, don't force the puns on my account.” Ladybug assured.

Chat noir smile shifted from his usually cocky smirk to a softer smile.

“Hey Bugaboo, could we go on patrol sometime in the future, maybe in like in a week or two? Maybe see if Andre’s stand needs protecting from akuma?” 

Ladybug’s expression softened. Chat noir was setting her up with the opportunity to address something that may become relevant. If it does, then she will need to tell chat noir the truth, that she is gonna have to give him a solid no, but if not, then she has the perfect person to cheer her up.

“I would like that. How about two weeks from now. I will be free then.” Ladybug answered just before her earrings beeped.

“Sounds good, we can go over details later, unless you have decided today was the best time to reveal ourselves.”

“Keep dreaming.” She playfully flicked his bell. “Later kitty.”

Ladybug took off from the rooftop, leaving the cat smiling with a feeling of melancholy.

“Well now its time to wait and see.”

Chat noir heard his ring beep and headed off back home, thinking about how to go about the promised meet up depending on how things go.

_______________________________________________________________________

“What do you mean you can't delete my account!” An angry brunette shouted over the phone. She was doing her best not to pull out her hair in frustration.

“I am sorry Ms. Dupain-cheng. But as I have stated before you do not have your password and you did not use the pin we provided to your email to reset your password. Until you utilize that code to reset your password and create a new password so you can get into your account. You can not delete the account through any other method.” The tech support representative answered.

“Why can't you send the code to my new email that I provided?” Lila asked, her agitation clearly showing.

“As I have said before, it breaches are security guidelines. Is there any reason why you wish to delete your account?”

“Its because there is a clearly something wrong with my list.” She insisted with clear frustration.

“I will scan your account for any anomalies, one moment.”

Lila stood by the phone waiting.

“We have looked over your account, there are no glitches or errors. Also, may I be the first to congratulate you on being the first to receive 100% compa.....”

Lila hung up and she grabbed a pillow to scream into.

This had to be some sort of nightmare. How could there be no way of dealing with this!”

Chris was in his room sleeping. She was relieved that Chris was a heavy sleeper. Considering Nino’s hobby, being able to sleep through loud noise was a must in this family. Though this was the only remote solace she got out of this hellish scenario.

Not only did Marinette top the list of compatible matches for Adrien, she was a 100% match with him and it was completely legitimate. It was like getting hit in the face with a metal bat.

Lila was racking her brain. There must be some way to stop this nightmare.

She tried to get Marinette’s account deleted but that wouldn't work without having access to her email. Marinette was not going to willingly give out her password to her of all people. Marinette was one of the few people that didn't trust her and if she tried anything, Marinette would find out.

She needed to think, she would find a way to beat that pigtailed brat. There was no way she was letting Marinette get Adrien. Not while she could help it.

_______________________________________________________________________

Hawkmoth looked through the window. He was still sour from his recent defeat, however he did notice something to brighten his mood. There was so much potential negative emotions loaming over Paris. The possibility of break ups, jealousy, and loneliness. All coming from one singular reasoning, it was an all you could eat buffet for his akuma, but not one of them was strong enough to warrant sending out another akuma yet. He would wait, there would be another strong negative emotion source sooner or later.

“It seems there is a negative to something that lets you find your soulmate. I fortunately already found mine, I just need to get her back.” Hawkmoth spoke aloud.

He was going to wait, he knew he could let the emotions fester into something far stronger, something that Ladybug and Chat noir couldn't handle.  Perhaps he might stir the pot to make things go faster. He would need to make a plan, but for now he had other matters to attend to. He had to attend to ‘Civillain matters’.

_______________________________________________________________________

“An interview?” Adrien responded in surprise.

“Yes, your father has scheduled an interview for you this Friday. The network has been wanting to do an interview with you for some time and your father believes it would be a good time to do so to promote the newest fragrance.” Nathalie explained. “As always, keep yourself composed and don’t let out too much information. Avoid any rumors they might be mentioning.”

“Okay. Would it be alright if I took my friends with me?” Adrien suggested, hoping Nathalie would be willing to let him take someone.

Nathalie looked at the blond and considered the proposal. As long as Gabriel is informed and the guest doesn’t cause trouble, one may not be an issue.

“You may bring one person. I don't think your father would approve of more then that. Just be sure they are well behaved.” Nathalie answered before leaving Adrien to his own devices.

Plagg popped out of the teen’s shirt.

“Oh an interview. Do you think you can request the green room to be stocked with Camembert?” The cat Kwami asked as he floated beside him.

“I will ask for some, but I need to decide who I am gonna take with me. I am surprised I am even allowed to take someone.”

“So you are gonna take the baker girl right?” 

Adrien felt a faint blush appear on his face.

“W-why would you think that? I could invite Nino or ...”

“Adrien, don't try to bullshit me. You suck at lying.” Plagg commented.

Adrien sighed.

“Am I really that obvious?”

“Yes.”

Adrien knew he wanted to bring Marinette. Sure bringing Nino would be a blast, but this would be a good way to see how Marinette would react to being apart of some of the things he does. Plus even if the compatibility test doesn't work out, he would still like to get closer with Marinette. She was a wonderful person, and she deserved to get to see what it was like when she makes it as a designer, answering questions about her latest fashion line and what not. 

“I will give her a call to see if she isn't busy.”

“Good luck Casanova.” Plagg chuckled as he reclined in the air.

Adrien felt his pulse quicken as he looked for Marinette’s contact information.

_______________________________________________________________________

Part 5 is finished (I was hoping the 1000+ notes streak in 24 hours would be kept alive. I guess I got my hopes up too quickly . I just want to say 1000 notes or not I love reading all of your feedback and you guys keep me inspired to keep writing this)

If you want part 6, please let me know. I love hearing feedback and it feeds my impulsive need to write. And I am just gonna say it.

[talldecafcappuccino]

Title: Between Close Friends

Rating: General Audience

Chapters: 1/1

Relationship: Ted Lasso/Rebecca Welton

Summary: Ted is bad at social media, but is that a bad thing?

Ted, what the fuck are you doing????

Ted peers at his phone, rubbing sleep from his eyes and reads the message again.

He scrolls down and sees he has twelve more texts and three missed calls all from Keeley Jones. He turns off his nighttime notifications with a few exceptions for emergency contacts, so it’s not surprising he slept through the messages.

He scratches at the stubble along his cheek and checks his clock. It’s seven o’clock here in Kansas, so it must be . . . early afternoon in London. He thinks through the last day, but he can’t remember anything interesting enough to have Keeley on the case.

Henry came over to his extended-stay hotel, they went to an American football game, got a late dinner in downtown Wichita, and watched a movie before bed.

They did make it on the Jumbotron for the Lasso-off, the team’s half-time dance contest, but his moves weren’t especially embarrassing. At least not in his opinion. Unless one of the moves was actually an insult to the English in which case, oh jeeze, he needs to get on this quick.

The call barely connects before Keeley’s voice echoes in his ear.

“Oy! Ted!”

“Keeley, I am so sorry for whatever I did to offend the great people of the United Kingdom. I am ready to make a statement and an apology tour as soon as you tell me which dance move I need to retire immediately.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, but I need you to log out of the AFC Richmond Instagram account. Like, now.”

That stops Ted in his tracks.

Does he even have access to that? He remembers a post-it note of accounts and passwords from Beard on their first day with Richmond.

There was an account run by the previous manager, but Keeley had taken it over long ago, converting it to the official team account. She had also made Ted a personal Instagram for his own use and brand development, but he never posted publicly.

He puts her on speaker phone and opens the Instagram app. She’s right. He’s logged into the team account with all 25 million followers. Well, shoot.

There are about a dozen stories posted from last night. All of Ted and Henry’s day together. There’s puns (“having a cow” at dinner with an image of Henry holding up a beef rib and screaming his head off), Ted and Henry singing at a dueling piano bar, the two brushing their teeth together in the bathroom mirror.

“No offense, but I think this may delay the Tom Ford deal you asked me about.”

“Yeah. I get that.”

“It’s just, you know, dads aren’t quite their brand. Or our brand. I mean we’re not anti-dorky dad, but you know with the whole comeback narrative during the season hiatus . . .”

“No I get it. You’ve put a lot of work into rebranding this team and I just undermined that.”

She sighs, but it’s fond.

“Sorry, Ted. It’s not like what you posted was bad, it’s rather sweet actually. It’s just a little different from the posts I had scheduled.”

Ted nodded. It wasn’t the most embarrassing thing that had ever happened to him, but he felt bad for making Keeley’s job harder than it needed to be.

“No, I’m sorry Keeley. I swear, it won’t happen again.”

****

“Can you believe what Ted did last night? I’ve never seen someone so bad at social media.”

Rebecca has no idea what Keeley is talking about when she walks into her office. She flops onto the couch, feet splayed on the coffee table, clearly exhausted by whatever Ted has done from 4,438 miles away.

“So many puns. Which, don't get me wrong, I love word play more than most people. But I don’t think it’s right for the team right now.”

Rebecca shuts her laptop.

“You’re right about puns not being part of the team plan, but what’s this about Ted? What did he do, exactly?”

Ted hasn’t posted anything in at least 24 hours. Not that Rebecca is keeping track.

“Oh he managed to switch to the team account on Instagram and posted about his entire evening out with Henry. It was quite sweet, actually. The ones that made sense,” but then she pulled a face.”He’s like, really, really bad at social media.”

Oof. Well that isn’t great, but Rebecca doesn’t think there’s anything particularly terrible about Ted’s social media use normally.

“But everything seems under control? No big PR actions needed.”

“It’s fine. I had him log out and wrote a post about Coach Lasso’s surprise social media takeover from America.”

Rebecca nods. Okay, so it was all sorted. Keeley has things totally under control.

But she reaches for her phone anyway. She opens Instagram, taps through the AFC Richmond stories, and snorts at the image of Henry with the rib as big as his head.

“Are people at least being kind?” Rebecca hopes Ted logged out without seeing any messages about Henry. Not that she could see any reason for it, but people were shitheads on the internet.

“Well, wanker is still the most common response. But many of them are wanker with a little heart at the end, so I think it’s fine. We actually got a lot of responses, proper engagement and all that,” she looks up at the ceiling, considering it for a moment before rolling her head to look back at Rebecca.

“If we weren’t trying to present the team as a badass phoenix rising from the ashes, I’d say a Ted takeover isn’t a bad idea. He just needs some supervision. Maybe a phone with a better camera.”

Rebecca is only half listening as she taps to the next story.

“Aw, they went to dueling piano night. That must have been fun for Henry.”

She’s smiling at her phone when Keeley asks, “Dueling piano night?”

“Yeah, you know at Jim Bob’s Bar.”

Keeley is looking at her blankly.

“Fine. I know it’s not really Jim Bob’s bar. It’s probably not even a bar if Henry’s there. But I can’t remember the real name off the top of my head.”

She’d looked it up once, after Ted first posted about the dueling pianos. For some reason she started calling it Jim Bob’s. Ted didn’t seem bothered and had even started calling it that himself.

When she looks up again, Keeley is staring at her, eyes narrowed.

“What are you talking about?”

“What do you mean?”

“How do you know so much about some bar in Kansas?”

That gives Rebecca pause. She isn’t sure what Keeley means by the line of questioning.

“It’s not some totally random bar. Ted posts about it whenever he goes for dueling pianos.”

If he gets to the bar early or she has a particularly late evening, Rebecca catches the story before going to bed. When she does, she always asks him to put in $5 for Wannabee by the Spice Girls. She owes him a small fortune by now, but it’s worth it to see the bar explode with cheers and jeers.

Some nights she misses the story, but he puts money in anyways and she wakes up to a shaky video of, Yo, I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want.

Rebecca thinks this is a good enough explanation, but Keeley is still staring at her.

“I’ve literally no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Keeley, you know social media is not my thing. All I know is that sometimes Ted posts about this bar on his tiny friends list thing,” she waves her hand around, trying her best to describe it. “The one with the green ring around it.”

Keeley leaps to her feet, eyes wide.

“Am I not on Ted’s Close Friends list??”

Before Rebecca can say a word, Keeley is halfway out the door, texting furiously.

“Roy, better not be on there, if I’m not on there. Ted knows how I feel about being left out!” she shouts over her shoulder. “Sorry Rebecca, I need to do some investigating, asap.”

Oof. She may have just created a problem. It’s probably best to give Ted a heads up before Keeley gets through interrogating Roy.

She drafts a text once, twice, then deletes it and presses call instead.

“Hey Boss, let me guess. Keeley got a hold of you?”

It’s been a while since they’ve chatted, what with the time difference. It’s bizarre how familiar his American accent has become.

“She just left my office, yes.”

There’s a loud crack in the background and a metal clang.

“Where are you?”

“Oh, just the batting cages with Henry,” he says, cheering loudly. “Hey, do you guys have a sport called baseball that has nothing to do with American baseball? You know, like football and football?”

She chuckles, “I don’t believe we do. However there is always cricket.”

He hums, considering it.

“Now Ted, I think there’s something you should know.”

“Lay it on me Boss. I know I caused a headache this morning, what’s the damage? What do you need me to do? I am at your disposal or I’ll lay really, really low as long as you need me to.”

“It’s not that Ted. It’s Keeley.”

“Keeley?”

“Yes, she’s on a bit of a mission at the moment. It seems you left her off your Close Friends list? I think that’s right. On Instagram?”

“Huh. How did that come up?”

“I was telling her about Jim Bob’s. Apparently she had never heard of it and realized you had a whole social media life she was unaware of.”

“Right . . .”

“So do what you will with that.”

“You haven’t talked to anyone else about this yet, have you?”

Rebecca is confused by this new direction.

“No. Why? Ted, is something wrong?”

It takes a long moment for Ted to respond.

“What can I say, I’m just really bad at this social media stuff.”

It's a non-response and an overly folksy one at that. But Rebecca can’t be fooled by the aw shucks routine—not anymore. She tries again.

“Ted. Who is on your close friends list?”

“Uh. Not a lot of people.”

“That doesn’t answer the question.”

“What can I say?” He huffs, a little frustrated. She would feel bad for prying, but she can't help herself. “The list of people I want to share silly life things with is small.”

“How small?” she wonders.

“Very small.”

The line goes silent and Rebecca swears she lost him. But then she hears him take a deep breath.

“It’s you. You’re the list.”

Rebecca feels flush. That’s not where she was expecting this conversation to go.

“I know that might be a lot. You don’t have to say anything. I just, that’s the honest truth and I’d like to get ahead of it before Keeley harangues the entire team.”

It’s a lot to take in, but it makes sense. Sometimes when she’s watching his posts, she wonders about his audience. Who else cares about his biscuit recipe improvements or Broadway Sundays (a recent development that’s turned into a shared movie night.)

“Rebecca?”

She realizes she’s been quiet for a while. The moment feels tenuous and she worries about saying the wrong thing, sending him running faster than Keeley during a social media snafu.

Finally she settles on, “You know, you’re welcome to text me silly life things. It wouldn’t be a bother.”

She brushes invisible crumbs from her desk, listening carefully to his breathing on the other end of the line.

“Yeah?”

“Yes. Maybe I can send some, too?”

Rebecca can hear his smile from across the Atlantic.

“Well, alright then.”

****

That night, Ted’s phone pings and he rolls over to see a text message from Rebecca. It’s a picture of the sun rising over her garden wall.

Something silly to start the day.

But it doesn’t feel silly. Not at all.

[sapphicscholar]

Summary: Maggie and Alex might not have met until President Marsdin's speech. But what if gothamsfinest and ddsaaxd had known each other for much longer?Or, ya know, it's more of the cracky pre-canon fandom AU where oblivious Alex is only reading femslash because of the strong female characters, and her fic is definitely Rizzoli&Isles, not Rizzoli/Isles, no matter what gothamsfinest thinks.

A/N: Alex’s username comes from @performativezippers delightful Spin Doctor fic, which you should read if you haven’t already

Fic Preview:

As a policy, Alex Danvers did not read fan fiction. She may have participated in a few heated fan board discussions about Xena and The X-Files, but that was analysis, not trying to write some fake baby and make two characters kiss and live happily ever after. She’d left that bullshit to Kara for years (and teased her mercilessly when she readily shared her account with Alex back in high school).

So honestly, it was a mystery to her as to how, at 24 years old, she’d ended up on fanfiction.net instead of working on her overdue research, drumming her fingers lightly against the keys as she tried to come up with a username that was far enough away from anything else she used online.

Too many things felt oddly identifiable, like Kara would see them and know instantly that it was Alex behind that pseudonym.

In the end, an odd abbreviation of her actual name somehow seemed more anonymous than anything else. Also, it had “ax” in it, and that was pretty cool.

Once she’d picked a password and verified her email, Alex clicked over to the Rizzoli & Isles story she’d been reading—not one of those fics where suddenly everyone’s sleeping together and talking about feelings, but a proper one with a real, believable serial killer and a police team that actually felt realistic. She didn’t know if gothamsfinest was actually a member of the GPD or if they were just good about doing their research, but the story was compelling enough that Alex actually wanted to leave a review. Of course, that was easier said than done when she saw that gothamsfinest had decided not to allow anonymous reviews. And really, she could have just let it go; the writer probably got lots of other people telling them how good the story was. But a flicker of guilt flared up inside her—memories of Kara moping around the house when she posted something she’d worked hard on and gotten almost no feedback in response—and suddenly she found herself creating an account that she’d clearly only ever use to leave a couple comments on this one fic.

Only, “Bound” just kept getting better.

It was on chapter 14 now, and each one left Alex on the edge of her seat. The serial killer seemed to be getting closer and closer to Maura, but gothamsfinest managed to break up the tension with easy banter between Jane and Maura and a few scenes with the extended Rizzoli family that actually made Alex smile. Hell, there were even B-plots with Frost and Korsak that Alex didn’t hate, and she almost never liked the random “extra” plots that most authors didn’t know how to handle.

And fine, okay, it was starting to become clear that there might be a romance plot between Maura and Jane. But it wasn’t overwhelming. Alex didn’t, like, need to see them be together. She was totally cool with Jane being with that FBI guy, whatever his name was. Best friendship was a big deal, and she’d definitely had friends she’d been just as close with as those two were. It didn’t have to mean anything. But gothamsfinest focused on the story, and if maybe Jane and Maura ended up kissing, Alex guessed it would be fine. It wasn’t like that was why she’d clicked on the story in the first place.

Read the rest on AO3!

[artificialenvy]

CALLOUT POST

@currynahh / @currynya is a shitty person.

I am making this post because I refuse to let them throw around accusations that I'm a predator.

Reasons I believe they are shitty:

I have ADHD, but I'll try not to derail any points.

After not seeing my spouse since Highschool, they invited them to a discord server. I was brought along and given a "+1" role, as in "This person isn't one of us, just @twiranux 's +1. I wouldn't have had a problem with that if it didn't create and "In group" and "out group" where the people in the ingroup treated the +1 role as "not a friend, just a +1."

They have a room for venting in that server, as a lot of people do. I have seen people typing in there on three occasions and decided not to interrupt them for my own needs, however the time I got to start typing in there and posted a couple of messages to indicate I would be typing, someone else came in and made it about them. I doubt they meant harm by that, but I went to @currynahh and explained it hurt to be silenced like that. I wasn't looking for an apology, I was looking for a solution so other people don't get hurt. My proposed suggestion was a second vent room for if there were 2 people needing it at once on that large a server, it would be helpful, or atleast a rule about interrupting vulnerable people. They dismissed this saying "two rooms wouldn't help because what if there were THREE people" which, if there were three people at the same time one would still have to wait, but the line would be split in half and people would be able to use it if it was an emergency and the first space was already taken without interrupting.

When they dismissed this idea, I said (and I dont have the exact quote as I left the channel, something @currynahh is very particular about is exact phrasing.) "If there's no rule against interrupting I guess next time I'm in need to type and someone is already using the safe space, I'll just be That Dickhead[TM] and interrupt? Can't wait." to which they threatened me with a ban, assuming I meant I was going to actively hurt people instead of just pointing out that there being no rule meant ANYONE could be That Dickhead[TM]

I also pointed out the inconsistency of threatening me with a ban for saying I'd do what the other user actually did and cut someone off. (they never spoke to the person who interrupted me about the event, to my knowledge, and I never spoke to them or saw their name) so I referred to them as "the fucker who interrupted me." Not in a mean way, just.. Here people can be called fuckers, like calling kids brats. I apologized once they said they found that rude, but they kept bringing it up saying I was name calling.

This is Hearsay, but apparently they said the person probably interrupted me because of ADHD, they seem a bit too comfortable deciding what is a factor of someone's else disabilities without consulting them.

Them dismissing my problems and threatening me with a ban instead of trying to fix their server made me actually go to name calling, and I still feel it's fair to call them a heartless cunt. Heartless for pretending to care when really they just wanted to defend someone in the in-group, Cunt cause it's a great word and it fits. I know the word Cunt is seen more harshly in some places, again, so much here. They really take offense to regional and class based dialects. They went to a private school and were calling me mean for just calling a dude I had no name for as "a fucker" when to me, someone who's poor and went to public school in a shitty town in Ontario, it's the norm here.

Since they showed they really didn't care I told them they were fake and left their channel, my spouse chose to follow me which I didnt know about at the time.

They DMed my spouse with another person who hasn't spoken to my spouse or I in 6 years to call me toxic, abusive and a predator. My spouse said they wouldn't have that conversation without me, as its childish and unproductive to just talk behind peoples backs. When @currynahh kicked me out of the group chat, refusing to talk like adults, my spouse asked me to log into their account to participate since they didn't want to be cornered by these two people to talk shit about someone they care about.

They call me toxic and abusive because I vaguely know the passwords to @twiranux 's accounts, despite never logging in unless asked to (for example a daily event in a videogame that they won't be able to make in time but wants the rewards.) and because on one occasion while I was napping, my spouse forgot an agreement we made about watching a specific movie together and I was upset about that, as I'm sure most people would be if their partner agreed to not watch something without them. I tried to keep my cool and just stay out of the way of their enjoyment, but my spouse wanted me to join in atleast for the end so I did, still grumpy but trying to make the best of it. If they had waited an hour or chose a different movie, things would've been different but @currynahh doesn't want "excuses."

They call me a predator because the person I'm married to is 2 years younger than me. @twiranux and I have been together almost 9 years now, we started Long Distance Online Dating just playing minecraft, listening to owl city (our song's Honey and The Bee 🐝,) and making Garry's Mod youtube videos. We would've been about 13 and 15 at the time, though it is worth noting that our birthdays were less than a month away from when we started dating so 14 and 16 if you want to make that distinction, I was in class with people the same age as my spouse. They think the age is gross, but we were two neurodivergent kids who were extremely sheltered at the time (helicopter parents/physical disabilities) who could only have freedom online. We had met through liking the same movies and youtubers and knew eachother a year before, while I was asking for advice on asking someone else out, my now spouse confessed attraction to me and I suggested we try "dating" for a bit, which consisted of nothing new except drawing cute pictures and giving eachother nicknames. I dont know if I knew their age at the time, but I did think they were a boy which didn't change anything, just hopefully shows I wasn't some 30 year old neckbeard hunting for kids on the net, I was just a disabled kid who was caught off guard by a confession of attraction and rolled with it.

@currynahh says they have proof that we weren't innocent in highschool, as (they claim) we asked them to write nsfw fanfic about us, which.. we didn't? My spouse has no idea where thats coming from and neither do I so just a blatant lie. Not that it's anyone's business but my spouse and I didnt meet in person for about 4 years and anything physical took place after we were both legal adults, im not comfortable going into more detail.

After my spouse had me log onto their account to show they weren't going to be cornered by those two, I was allowed back into the group chat to try and figure out why they think im problematic, but @currynahh insists im just making excuses when I've just been saying exactly what im saying here. They say I'm sugarcoating it, I disagree. I dont have the exact words I said about everything, but admitting to calling her a Heartless Cunt isn't something I'd do if i were sugarcoating it as she suggests. This is how it played out they keep trying to shove me into this "abuser" box they framed me in without knowing me.

They would repeatedly spew paragraphs of "points" then block me and leave the group chat while I was typing up a response. They don't want excuses (read: explanations) and they don't care about facts (that they misunderstood certain things and was willing to clear up what I meant if they weren't so caught up on semantics.)

I will not go into my partners mental illnesses on this platform, but they have a psychiatrist who I've met and I have to (sometimes in a way that looks controlling to someone who doesn't know the problems) keep my spouse grounded. The Psychiatrist thought I was doing a great job at managing it, but @currynahh disagrees, saying I'm enabling (without even letting us tell them what the problem is or how im helping.)

Which brings us to the next point; they say I can't talk about the mental health of myself or my spouse because it will trigger them, meaning they block any attempt we make at explaining how it works. They treat us as a neurotypical couple and call it abusive when I'm literally just doing what's deemed best by a psychiatrist for my spouse.

For DARING to tell her to stop calling me a predator, she calls me a narcissist, which is just.. Very cool. Love me some armchair diagnosis. They also diagnosed me with anger issues (from one call in which I was grumpy and then me trying to defend myself from these accusations.) So really, I think docs are being paid too much 'cause @currynahh is doing their job for free.

Because they weren't listening to my spouse, my spouse decided to stop typing, especially since she was just going on long rants then leaving the server before we could reply. Whenever @twiranux gets a chance to speak, @currynahh would leave the server claiming it triggers their anxiety to face the consequences of what they said. Then they would tell me to quit speaking over @twiranux when I was just speaking on our behalf, while in a call with @twiranux due to these reasons.

Instead of keeping their nose out of our relationship like we were asking, they kept trying to tell my spouse (who chose to marry me and lives in another country) that im abusive because they think trusting eachother is a sign of abuse.

Instead of listening that we're fine, they throw a tantrum and tell us to go to marriage counseling (which, although I wouldn't be opposed to going, is very telling that they think people can just do things that require money on a whim.)

They say that "instead of saving up to move in together and have kids you should put money towards marriage counseling" which again, what savings do they think I have? My bank account has -$4.00 in it and my spouse can't work right now. We have nothing.

They keep bringing up kids and how would we raise them? Would they not have privacy? Its a stupid point they threw out there as currently there aren't plans to have kids and there's huuuge difference between a married couple knowing eachothers passwords and not letting your kids have privacy.

They keep bringing up the fact that we've lost friends before without knowing why. So if they want to private message me I'd be happy to tell her about how we left our last friend group after a dispute where the other people were claiming the N word was inoffensive. Or the group that actually was trying to get into my spouses pants and we weren't comfortable there. You keep making accusations then refusing to listen to facts.

Idk if I'm missing anything, if they unblock me and see this they will probably say I'm staw-manning again without actually telling me how and while having no counter arguments. They also don't accept my adhd for accidentally derailing, while using theirs to deflect any criticism.

Karina, you don't know us and you say even talking about our mental health will trigger you, so you need to accept that you're unwilling or unable to understand the dynamics of our relationship but just because you don't understand it doesn't mean it's toxic. I wouldn't have made this post if you didn't keep calling me a predator, but I need to clear that accusation publicly before you keep throwing around dangerous labels.

Grow up. Get some help. Learn that your POV isn't the only one.

[thegodshavehorns]

Girl From Nowhere

Your name is Roxy Lalonde, and you are simply the best there is. No need to specify at what. You are the best at all of the things. All of them.

But if you did have to specify, you suppose that you would say you are the ultimate best at computers. In fact, you are the drunken master of computers. Nobody can hope to beat you when you’ve got a wine bottle in one hand and a keyboard under the other. Nobody. Not even you when you’re sober, actually.

That unfortunate fact has forced you to scrap your computer wholesale and just buy a new one several occasions, on account of not being able to figure out how to get past the new security system that you designed on it while you were drunk, or the password that you set at the same time. You keep telling yourself that you need to write these things down but you never remember. You have absolutely no idea why that is.

But what can you do? Programming is in your blood; when you are cut, ones and zeroes spill out of your arm. Your fingers fly not like it’s your nature, but like they’re responding to the thrum of destiny. It was fate, it had to have been, that when some rich dude bequeathed half his library to the orphanage one Croakmas when you were still a tyke, that you were the one who got the programming books with all those pictures of cats on the cover. You learned to read out of those books, for crying out loud. You were made for this. It’s your telos.

But you are not just the drunken master of all coding. You are also one of the many students to have blessed— or blighted— the halls of Our Lady Who Is Without Mother Or Father Academy for Girls. You are undoubtedly the best and most favorite of the superintendent’s, but she doesn’t like to let on that she plays favorites so she’s always yelling about how she’s one more misstep away from throwing your ass out on the curb. That never happens, though, no matter how many times you hack into her computer system, so you’re pretty sure that it’s all just talk and smokescreens.

After all, if she didn’t want to share the bottles of gin she kept locked in her back cabinets then she wouldn’t have put them there after you’d already picked her lock three times before, right? Nah, you’re totally on the best of terms. The fake mad face is just a part of the charm.

Still, she does have to keep up a front if she’s going to keep the rest of the school fooled about how much she actually doesn’t hate your guts, so she has to make a profanity-filled house call every now and then. Seeing as you’re the school's Little Orphan Annie that means she doesn’t have to walk very far, just down the block, so these visits happen quite a bit.

Most people avoid coming in your room. You did have a couple of roommates but you kept hacking the records or breaking into the records office and changing your file, and eventually the matrons just plain gave up and let you have it your way. And if they want to talk with you, well, they knock, or they just scream at you through the door. Which is what just about anybody does but the superintendent, actually, since you have been known to come at people with broken bottles when they make too much noise or touch your hardware.

So when you hear somebody enter your room one morning, you don’t bother asking who it is. You just keep at it, smacking keys and drowning your hangover behind a wall of monitors, towers, and books, completely dark save for the glow of screens dimmed to their lowest brightness.

But it isn’t the super, it’s a guy. Some jackass with a lisp. When you find that out you’re about to curse him out but, on a whim, you poke your head over the Great Wall of China and— hot damn, and thank your lucky stars you didn’t say anything, because this isn’t a jackass, it’s the jackass, Sollux Captor, the Mage of Doom, wearing some ratty moth-eaten coat over his godhood.

“Nice coat,” you tell him.

He shrugs. “They tell me I have to look decent for the public. ‘Like people,’ is how Kanaya puts it. She says it looks like pajamas.”

“Sorta does,” you admit.

“Fuck her. You’re lucky I’m wearing anything.”

Yeah, this is totally his protest costume.

But what is he doing here? You don’t know, so you ask him. And then you offer him breakfast, just to be a good host.

“What is that?”

“Pickled prunes, tripe, cinnamon, eggs, and rum. Hangover cure.”

“You put rum in your hangover cure?” Sollux obviously doesn’t know what to make of you— best person ever, or supreme best ever? You yourself know exactly how awesome you are, but it's more fun to keep him guessing.

“How else am I supposed to get a good start on my drinking?” Okay, you’ve nailed it. You are the best of friends or something now probably. Especially since he took a spoon from out of nowhere and is sharing your awesome hangover cure soup with you.

You eat in silence, or at least as much as you can get between the clicker-clakker of the keys. Meanwhile, Sollux is taking a look around your room, frowning, smiling, shaking his head, smiling some more.

“I want to offer you a job,” he says, and you want to do a spit take but the soup’s all gone and you’re just now noticing that he snatched your wine from out of your reach.

“Uh, say who what now?”

“Let’s just say that we’re very interested in what you can do. So I’m offering you a job at SkaiaNet,” he says. “And you will be given a place to study at Derleth University when you graduate from here.”

You squint at him. “Derleth? Ain't that a medical school? I do computers.”

“I need a biologist. They have a new program in computational genomics.”

“A little squishy for me, bucko.”

Sollux blinks. It evidently takes him a moment to figure out what you’re going on about. “I don’t need another programmer that I could outperform on my worst day. I need somebody with a tenth of Feferi's bioengineering and a third of my coding. A biologist with your special talents would have many uses.”

A biologist? What the heck kind of biology needs coding and hacking? Then again, it would be nice to have a guaranteed job...

“But there is a catch,” he continues, and you groan inside. “You’re a good student, but you’re still a menace and a delinquent. That kind of shit isn’t supposed to happen, by the way. With your behavior you should be flunking or something.”

You lean back in your swank rolly-chair. “Maybe I fixed my grades.”

“You didn’t. I would know.”

Aw.

He continues: “So you have to keep off the booze.” Wait, what? “You are, I have been assured, a functioning alcoholic. Nevertheless, you are also unpredictable when you are drunk, and I do not want to lose my investment at the age of thirty for the sake of an exploded liver.”

“Why me?”

“Because you’re very good at what you do.”

You grin. "Pft, yeah, of course. So, what, the super recommended me?"

"More the other way around."

You blink at him. What does that mean? Your hangover is making you fuzzy, and slower than you should be. "How'd you know about me then? Unless I'm some kinda chosen one or something?"

He smiles, and your own grin wavers. "C'mon man, next thing you'll say you got me into this in the first place, that you gave me those coding books for Croakmas when I was three- oh fuck, you did, didn't you?"

You stare right into the god's shit-eating grin, and you don’t know whether to scream or laugh or try to do both at once. The superintendent doesn’t actually like you very much, does she? But she answers to a higher power that doesn’t care about that...

“You got me into this to begin with? But... you're not just fucking with me, right? This isn't just, I mean, this is really happening, you're not just nodding at whatever I say?" You stare into the mismatched lenses of his shades and try to gague whether he's telling the truth.

"It's all very real, Roxy. And yes, your intuition is correct; I've been interested in your progress for a long time."

"And you just want to play it all cool like it’s nobody’s thing or whatever, I just happened to be the best there is— which I am, don’t get me wrong.”

“Why would I select you, out of all of the orphans in the world?”

“Because I was... different?”

Sollux snorts. “You were a baby. What’s different about you?”

You take a moment to think about it. “You knew my parents. They were something special.”

His teeth gleam, sharper than any human smile. “Not a bad guess. But you’re wrong. You don’t have any parents. That’s why you’re special.”

You just about leap out of your chair. “What do you mean? Was I some sort of... cloning experiment or something?”

The Mage of Doom slips a card into your hand. “Study hard. Stay in school and out of trouble. Then maybe you’ll find out. And whatever you do, don’t pray.”

“Huh?”

“I mean, don’t call us. We’ll call you.”

The coat falls down around him, his wings unfurl, and—Sollux is gone and the room is empty, save for you.

You don’t talk with gods again for six more years. You manage to stay out of the bottle for nine.