#also no just because i misgender myself here doesnt mean you get to as well.

[0rionz-belt]

its hard to think that there was at least a week of my life where I balanced marching band, my rock band program, writing, drawing, and theater on top of high school. I talked to people, both friends and unfamiliar with no issue. And i never thought anything of it.

5 years later and I can barely function doing even 3 of those things. i miss being an artist.

[drdemonprince]

oh my god can i get trans masc self infantilization for 500 alex

Quick hate read of this piece:

my relationship to gender was mediated (isn’t it always) by capitalism. I could not meet another trans man who could tell me how to behave, but I could shop for one. I could buy distilled trans expertise, and tell myself I was putting money back into “the community;” I was engaged in political action, redistributing my middle-class cash to support people I had never met, but whose welfare was, nonetheless, my business.

oh my fucking god Jude buying a huge crop of trans books at the local indie bookshop is not political action. I know booksellers who work at beloved indie-progressive bookstores quite intimately so if you haven't heard yet, I'll be the first to tell you: no matter their feminist branding, these places treat their workers like shit and pay them minimum wage. And often these stores are hell to be in for trans femme people.

edit: whoops he didnt even claim to support indie bookstores, it was a chain in a mall wtf

Also, it's baffling to me that a published author like Doyle can claim buying books is somehow redistributing wealth to poor, trans authors. First, wealthy people are widely overrepresented in publishing, and two, the vast majority of published authors never see a single cent of royalites. Over 90% of books never "earn out". You'd be kicking them about $2.50 of a $25 hardcover sale even if they did. stop making your consumption seem righteous dude.

These authors didn’t hate people like me; they didn’t disagree with me or dislike my general aesthetic. These authors literally hated me, me personally, the dude who had recently given them money. 

the ENTITLEMENT!!! How dare these trans authors post openly that they disagree with you and your tepid liberal politics, you bought one of their books and (maybe, but probably not) gave them $3 !!!!

To a shy eleven-year-old boy on his first day of school, which is what I was emotionally and even hormonally at the time, it was devastating. I cried for days. I was on vacation.

a middle aged incredibly well connected man in publishing is pulling "im a little birthday boy -- hormonally" shenanigans. I get that reading critical comments about yourself hurts. I have been there buddy. I've received repeated misgendering, misogynistic criticisms and insults while I was newly on HRT and not even out to anyone! I was also a 30 year old adult man with a career and coping tools. I was not an eleven year old boy. I was not the victim of anything, really, except for my own lack of comment moderation habits at the time.

the amount of real life transphobia i have since lived looms so much larger that little petty online slights doesnt even rank. we're not talking about threats or doxxing here. we're talking people on twitter thinking he shouldnt be the face of trans politics.

because I know who this author is and move in the same circles, I have seen the message of hate that he's talking about. People mostly talk about him sardonically and insult his worst opinions and most hastily-written pieces. That's not even hate. That's just begging him to be responsible in his work and to maybe not write apologia for trans cops (one of the bad takes he was most openly criticized for at the time).

Those guys were my heroes, was the thing. They were the ones I had wanted to teach me how to act. I used to imagine conversations with them, think about what I would ask if I got the chance.

Buddy, you said you literally just discovered these authors mere weeks or months prior, having bought up every book published by a trans guy that you could find. It's not like you had posters of them hanging up on your bedroom wall as a child. And even if you did, youre a grown man in your forties who writes very inane takes. Some critique from your contemporaries comes with the territory and is in fact a compliment. it means people recognize youre a significant cultural voice and they want you to do better!

When I get into conflict with another trans person, when I stumble on the thread where my elders are shit-talking me, I am not looking at my computer. I’m in my math class, after lunch period, hearing the squeak of metal on linoleum as someone drags their desk a few inches away.

your elders??? are you talking about people who are like, three years older than you Jude .I understand that hostile middle and high school experiences bring massive trauma, but holding adults who are intellectually critiquing you, a fellow adult, responsible for the trauma you endured as a teen is so wildly inappropriate and immature that i cant stand it.

It would be one thing if Doyle showed any self-awareness of the disjoint here, and was just talking about being triggered, but he doesnt, not anywhere in the piece. he implies throughout that it's people being mean to him on twitter who are really at fault.

oh my god he likens himself to Isabell Fall later on in this piece i cant

i just cant with this dude hes always taking so many unnecessary Ls and gets hired so fucking much to write about trans experiences when he clearly has next to zero community connections and sense of scale when it comes to the issues we face. its so annoying!!!

[5sosbitchfest]

Reactions to Luke’s IG Story 6/14/2020

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I hate her as much as the next person but bi people in straight relationships are still bi

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I call bullshit on Messy being bi. Sorry, if she was bi, why didn't she come out earlier? Her 'haters'? Where? Also, Luke needs to learn the difference between supporting Pride and celebrating it while PR dating a fake ass 'bi' woman.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I also don’t think it’s fair to say Sierra has never been in a same sex relationship we really don’t know who she’s dated. This is a big problem in the LGBT community, when a bi woman is in a relationship with a man her bi identity gets erased. Halsey has actually talked about this a lot. While I agree that Lierra is not a queer couple, that does not erase Sierra’s identity as a queer woman, and pride is absolutely still for her to celebrate too 🌈

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: *i understand that it was Luke’s post but obviously she had input to post it.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Does Messy’s journey of her sexuality excuse her transphobia? Bc I don’t think so. She sure is selective about who and what she celebrates then. She posted that picture for attention, like everything else she does. It sounds harsh and if she wants to share her journey then great but let’s recognize and call it out for what it is. She doesn’t need to have Luke in a post to talk about her sexuality. Happy Pride Month to that person she purposely misgendered and attempted to invalidate.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: It’s not about disliking Sierra anon. She has only officially came out in a reply on twitter that she later deleted. That’s the only time it’s been mentioned. People struggle to come out and she tweeted and deleted it as if she actually wasn’t saying it. And now her boyfriend is the one essentially coming out for her? That’s what the issue is anon she has never openly said she was bisexual and now that it’s pride month she is? This is just the first time it’s being brought up& it wasn’t even her

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I don’t care that Luke posted good on him but him posting something for pride halfway through the month makes the other boys look inconsiderate for not posting anything

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I'm the anon that said the thing about "lets not make this into a mikey situation" I agree that it was a complete distraction tactic, and I also can not stand Sierra I was just trying saying that even with those two things in mind the post isnt harming anyone and so we shouldn't get mad at luke for making it.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I hate to admit it but I don't see Lierra ending anywhere near soon. Yes, couples don't last forever and still I don't think they will but let's be honest, he cares about her. Idk how things are in their life, and I hope he's happy, but I think she will stay around for this year and maybe a bit of 2021. 🙄

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Okey but was the "biracial" necessary? It made me cringe...

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I know luke can be cringy when it comes to Sierra but cmon haven’t we learn by now all the cringy stuff if from Sierra being on his account lol

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Sierra wrote that ... no caps, her grammar, fave chosen emojis etc totes her 10000000000% although glad acknowledging bisexual biracial but Angel? Angel by day and to stans but I thought she was the “late night devil”

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Something about Luke’s ig story doesn’t sit well with me... the fact that he felt the need to state that she’s biracial and bisexual just makes it look like he’s treating her like some kind of a trophy to show off, idk it just doesn’t feel right

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Why do L and S feel the need to make everything about S? This isn't about you, so shut up and actually get a job.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: “beautiful bisexual biracial angel” i’m gagging and laughing so hard yeah he 100% wrote and posted that himself /sarcasm

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I love luke and I'm happy if he's happy but the way Sierra clings to him in that photo is so gross. It really just feels like she's using him to do her dirty work. Like that post didnt feel genuine at all and it really seems like luke isnt even trying to convince us anymore he just does the bare minimum to make her happy. I dont blame him tho. Just feels icky.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: As a straight person, I hate straight couples and hope to never be cringe.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I'm sorry but that Instagram story that luke posted talking about his "beautiful bisexual biracial angel🥰🥺" does NOT (capitalize, underline and bold) sound like how luke would type something. The first part where he talks about how far we have to go sounds like him but not that that part.. not even close. Want to bet either sierra typed it, gave him the idea to say that OR did both cause we know she monitors him like crazy

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: "Bisexual biracial" is so unnecesarry. Luke, hon, shut up. People are out here fighting for their rights, and you feel the need and have the audacity to make it about your crazy ass girlfriend? Don't get me wrong, I love the boys, but making every fcking thing about your girlfriend-particularly luke- is not the point of these movements. So stfu Luke, stfu Sierra, stop making everything about S. That pisses me off, sorry I just needed to rant somewhere.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: is it just me or does the whole “beautiful bisexual biracial angel” not sound like him or something he’d say??? idk I’m kinda new to the fandom but it felt cringey reading that come from him

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Did you see what luke posted on his story? Seems him and Sierra are getting along great, smh. Also she's confirmed bi as well I guess. That's cool. Hope she doesnt use it as a weapon to defend criticism tho. Also did luke redo his hair cuz it seems very white again. Idk. Seems fishy. What are your thoughts? Do you think he was told to post that to distract from mike?

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: just when I was starting to forgive luke for his “response” to messy’s MESS, he goes and posts this... I’m TIRED

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: ok but as a lesbian it makes me sooo happy that Luke is celebrating pride and he's supportive of her sexuality 🥺 men never take bisexuality seriously and I love that he respects that. YET as someone who doesn't like s I'm like why....... like this week has been so frustrating and we were all like "they don't defend m bc they're in a sm break" and now he comes to post this and doesn't say anything? i just :(

allisonscarlett said to 5sosbitchfest: Honestly pride month came just in time cause I remember some stans saying that sierra is probably not bisexual and now there's luke insta story. I'm not trying to erase anyone's sexual orientation, I'm bisexual myself and I've found it weird that in the past years sierra didn't anything about her sexuality during pride month (and don't remember when she tweeted about being bi but I don't thing that it was in during pride month)

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: is anyone else getting"i can't be racist/homophobic because my gf is biracial and bisexual" vibes from lukes ig story or is it just me??? does he know he's digging a hole???

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: should we assume luke posted that in response to the insiders muke information? interesting timing on his part

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I honestly can't stand Luke rn. Angel? Angel???? ANGELLL????????????

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Okay but I don't think that counts as a "a straight couple thinking pride is theirs to celebrate". Just cause Sierra is in a straight relationship doesn't take away from the fact that she's bi, or mean she can't celebrate pride. And I think Luke wishing her and everyone a happy pride is actually a really supportive thing for him and again doesn't really count as a straight person thinking pride is theirs to celebrate, because he's focusing on her, not himself.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: “my beautiful biracial angel” i hate it here

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Gonna say something to MAYBE make some people happy. That picture was taken at a PROTEST. So they probably aren't together 😂😂 they were just together for the protest

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: The biracial part of his story post is feeding into him being a king for dating a mixed person

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: ok luke did look very cute tho

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Every single time there’s any drama in the fandom, a new “cute” picture pops up and some people really think that’s goals? Like in what world is now the time for that kind of post, if it isn’t a direct pr response to the twitter mess of the past few days? Smh they’re not even trying to be subtle anymore

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: i think it’s fine for straight couples to go to and celebrate pride when one of them or both of them aren’t straight.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I was reading this blog a few hours ago and I read a post where someone said that everyone basically assumed sierra was bi bc of a comment and now Luke comes out calling her "bisexual" as if he was confirming it...Idk felt weird lol

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest:  Bisexual biracial angel😭😭 who made him write that and thought people will take it seriously

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: have you seen luke’s story? “especially to my bisexual biracial girlfriend” i fucking CACKLED like is it how she’s supposed to be known for?

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: thank you luke for that ig post for it will keep messy ass kissers away from m mentions for a while

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Funny how you just brought up everyone saying that Sierra was bi just cause she said she loved men and woman and woopty do guess what luke put on his insta story. “My beautiful bisexual biracial gf” Luke I love you but 🤢

[itsthesinbin]

As a more feminine presenting nb I honestly love your story, it’s realitible for me. I could go on a whole rant about how little rep nbs get especially those of us who aren’t perfectly androgynous. I’m smol and weak but I will fight for your honor.

we are all feminine presenting nb people (not all obvi but me, u, peach, and me girlfriend at the very least)

but yea like. like i said before i put very obviously in the beginning that reader is nonbinary. that doesnt mean i WONT put them in dresses bc.... i am a nb person who likes dresses, as well.

that SPECIFIC scene was meant to be uncomfortable like. the reader does like the dress up! but they didnt get to CHOOSE what they were wearing (which is a big point here). thats part of the theme of damien’s route specifically.

and if my dude waited like one chapter he wldve seen the reader be asked what they wanted to wear and they get put in a tux but. i digress.

he said im boiling the reader down to their genitals and like? im not? the reader doesnt HATE dresses, they just hate being told what to wear. and also.... all the ppl doing the makeover are GIRLS. because reader is OKAY with gendered clothing and items, they DEFAULTED to FEMININE items because THEY ARE GIRLS. they were talking over the reader the whole time bc they thought their ideas were best (which is bad), so they couldnt HEAR that reader was uncomfortable with the situation. i had tried to explain this to that dude but then he ignored me and misgendered me, called me a terf, and told me to go fuck myself bc my fanfic that im writing for:

myself

and

for free

so

points to sign

you were rude to me now you get no fanfic

[pettrichore]

so.. i’m not quite sure how to begin this. i guess i really just need to get something out there regarding my past relationship (well relationships kinda?) and my gender and sexual identity. this is something i need to get off my chest i think and something that, hopefully, will help someone else out?? at least to not make the mistake i made/could have made. i know many people have similar experiences, so i’m not alone in this but.. yeah anyway. everything under the cut

some cw before hand: misgendering, deadnaming, possibly some dubious ???? things around sex ??? done to me (idk how to class it but i just wasnt comfortable w it) though i DO NOT go into any detail. most of this shit i discuss is very vague in how i talk about it but it is mentioned.  

so for the past year about i was in a relationship with this guy. we’ll call him A for convenience sake. before we ever really started dating i came out to A though.... honestly not fully. i just said i was nonbinary and that i dont like being called a girl etc etc. i never REALLY went into how i kinda??? am but really i identify as a guy. i prefer male pronouns etc etc. we spent that night crying together and even after i thought things were good, we hit another rocky patch at the start of our relationship where he didn’t know WHAT to do. after that though it was pretty smooth sailing. A kinda... idk like he would sometimes make shit more awkward than it had to be???? lots of “idk what to call you in this situation” but he TRIED and for that i was grateful. i lied to my friends, and yall im sorry but mostly im sorry to myself, and said yeah no!! he treats me like a boy/like i should be treated etc etc. but this man is STRAIGHT and.... yeah. idk im also sorry to him a bit because i didnt just.. tell him hey no this isnt going to work. clearly you dont like guys like that. im a GUY no matter how i look or what i let other ppl call me bc im not OUT out. but i let this shit happen.

i was thrilled that when i wanted to cut my hair short and shit he was excited and said i’d look great. i was thrilled about a lot of things. i think shit started out okay though i shouldnt have started a relationship with someone who was so out of his own depth and who... wasnt going to be able to love and respect me like i needed. anyway shit continued though and i stopped trying to correct him with any female pronouns or whatever. i... kinda gave into that side of things. it’s not that i DONT like putting on makeup. it’s not that i dont sometimes actually love how i look (i’ve come more to terms with my looks actually) idk im not really gender conforming anyway so yeah.. but i REALLY gave in. when talking to him i even referred to myself as a girl and so on to which he was surprised and i tried to act nonchalant about. i was just really doing myself a disservice. god i even like... cut myself off from my own friends which.. that’s a whole other thing but at that point i had NO ONE who would call me by my NAME not my dead name. who would love and respect me for me. and when i came back to it god it was so fucking refreshing to hear it. 

i apologize if some of this shit seems a bit all over the place. anyway so not only was i fucking myself over and hurting myself but... he honestly didnt.. idk A was kinda a shithead with things!! ngl!!! im still furious that i was like.. okay you can call me THIS nickname and this nickname ONLY. bc it was comfortable enough and wasnt my full deadname yknow?? and at first it was cool but.. he refuses to do that now!! and i just never had the energy to argue with him because i would look like the bad guy. i always looked like the bad guy when i expressed that something made me upset (and that’s a whole other topic of why it’s sooo fucking good i got my heart broken and im no longer dating him.. god he wanted to get MARRIED yall i could have been SO trapped in something SO bad) anyway the thing that pisses me off the most about the name thing though is that he doesnt like his full first name. like he just doesnt like it. and like wants to be called by a nickname. so fine yes god i respect that and call him as such. but why does HE get the respect of a nickname he’s fine with and I do not???? makes NO fucking sense right??

i dont really know where i’m going with this anymore.. anyway i kinda just convinced myself that things would be fine. that i was faking it. that i WAS cis. that i was 1000% okay with all of this!! that if i just got used to it i could love it. that if he touched me in ways i didnt fully like or if he called me things that i didnt like either that.. i would get used to it. that it would be good!! we could be happy!!! honestly i did this with everything in our relationship. be it the small disagreements, the sex, or whatever. ugh.. i was so wrong i was so fucking.. in my own head about it. convinced that like.. NO ONE will love me how i want. no one will see me as i am. so i’ll take this one slight (not at all) victory. i’ll take the fact that i’m loved here and pretty happy for the most part and i’ll run with it. because how WILL i meet someone who likes me like i want and need??? i CANNOT come out. i cant go on dating apps with my actual gender. i cant just.. do any of that. and i met him. he was okay with some shit and he loved me and i loved him and yknow what i’ve GOTTA take it and run. i’m still scared i’ll never really be loved like i should. this is the SECOND time i started a relationship with a probably/def straight guy and came out. first time it was okay but i didnt really like him. he is ?? bi ??? now idk. and then he like misgendered me the second we broke up so lol. 

anyway this doesnt have a happy ending (yet) but i hope it will... and even if it doesnt i hope that if someone reads this and they’re in a similar situation that ur honest with yourself and your partner or whoever. i cant say i wont be an idiot again but i really hope not. this whole experience was much longer and much harder on me than the first guy i dated for like a few weeks in high school. i never want to go through this again.. but yeah i mean i’m still so fucking scared. i’m fine being single for now. i also wont just jump into a relationship anymore but... honestly i do want to be loved. i want to be loved the way i should be. i want someone who will accept me not being OUT out. someone who will love the way i look even if it doesnt look like a guy or someone super androgynous. and someone who will call me danny. who will refer to me by the right pronouns and such. idk who that’ll be or when i’ll meet that person but god.. i need it. i need to stop falling for straight boys lol

[genderpunktheo]

Hey! I'm really not trying to, like, start drama or anyhting but i really want an actual trans persons oppinion on somehting: I think you do need dysphoria to be trans, but i also think that peoples definition of dysphoria is wrong, which is why people say you dont. because medically dysphoria basically means that how (you feel that) someone views your body is different to what you actually are. and for trans people, thats basically that people see you as a gender that youre not (1/2)

And I think that thats a necessity to be trans? Like, you arent the gender you were assigned. But I think the disconnect comes because people claim dysphoria means hating your body which, it can, but it doesnt always? idk. i just wanted to get a trans persons opinion on this because obviously, i could be missing something.

Hi nonnie! Sorry in advance, this is gonna get really long cause I have a lot of Thoughts™ but hopefully, this helps! 

So I don’t think that you need gender dysphoria to be trans and I have several reasons and sources for that but I’m glad you asked about it and did it in such a polite way! Props to you for reaching out honestly.

First up, I do agree with you that some of this disagreement on whether you do or don’t need it, comes down to people using different definitions. Some folks who think you do need to have dysphoria are defining it only as a disconnect from your assigned gender (this can be called “gender incongruence” and even more confusingly, sometimes the two are used interchangeably). 

Whereas dysphoria is better described as the distress caused by that disconnect - but not everyone has that. Some trans people only feel the disconnect, some feel dysphoria, some feel euphoria or some combination of those (think of those respectively as “kind of meh” “this sucks” and “yay” if that helps you visualise it).

The majority of trans people have dysphoria about their assigned gender and then may or may not have euphoria about their true gender.

Most people who don’t have dysphoria have meh feelings about their assigned gender and very positive feelings about their real gender, which is still more than enough to make people want to transition either socially or medically if that will bring them more euphoria. 

So why then do I follow the definition of gender dysphoria as the distress rather than the disconnect, and why do I believe only some trans people have it? 

Well, part of that is that I am a firmly inclusive person in my personal politics anyway so if someone says they’re trans but have a different experience than me, I’m still going to believe them, even if I don’t understand their experiences. You could consider that a bias of mine I guess?? But I’ve found that in general human beings are so complicated and diverse, it’s best to just listen to someone if they tell you they’re feeling a thing. They know themselves best. 

But I can also back that up with a whole bunch of gender dysphoria definitions. The NHS, DSM-5, American Psychiatric Association and more all agree that not every trans person experiences this distress but that the distress is required for a gender dysphoria diagnosis.  

I’ll use the NHS as the example here since I’m most familiar with that (National Health Service, here in the UK for anyone who doesn’t know). 

Notably, they don’t have a set of criteria for assessing whether you are trans, only for assessing whether you have dysphoria - because being trans does not require a diagnosis for anything, including a gender dysphoria diagnosis. 

Here they explain that dysphoria is specifically the distress, not just the disconnect and that it can be caused by the disconnect (gender incongruence) but is not the same as that. 

They then go on to explain the difference between sex and gender and that for most people they match but for some they don’t, and then they say

“This mismatch… can lead to… gender dysphoria.”

Not “does lead to” or “always leads to.” Can. As in sometimes. 

Next, there are the diagnostic criteria:

As you can see, the “mismatch” (disconnect) or gender incongruence can be a sign of gender dysphoria but is not in itself dysphoria. The strong desire then refers to bodily dysphoria.

So… does everyone experience dysphoria the same and is it even policeable, to begin with? 

What you’re talking about (how people view you rather than distress with the physical body) is a type of dysphoria called social dysphoria. And that’s super important to mention too - there are different types of dysphoria and people can experience them in different ways. The mainstream narrative is, as you say, that they hate their body and want every surgery possible. 

And that is the case for some people. It’s probably the easiest to understand for a cis person, so it’s the most common version to hear. But a lot of trans people don’t experience bodily dysphoria that intensely or if they do they only experience it about some things (e.g. they may have chest dysphoria but no bottom dysphoria). 

It’s super harmful for us to act like there’s only way to experience this and if you don’t hate everything about your body then you’re not trans. It leaves people feeling alone and broken for so long because they have these feelings but don’t believe they can be trans. 

I myself took longer than I needed to work it out, because while I have dysphoria about my chest, hips, and periods, I don’t have any bottom dysphoria. Totally cool with that area. But dysphoria doesn’t have to work like that. 

It’s also important to mention that this can often harm nonbinary trans folks especially. We can’t fit the typical narrative no matter how hard we try. 

You can then have social dysphoria. So personally, a lot of my dysphoria about my chest is caused by the fact that I know people see that and immediately think “girl” thus misgendering me. It’s why I got my hair cut (side note: of course anyone of any gender can have long hair, it’s just associated more with girls and my social dysphoria does not like that). 

And of course, we have euphoria which is the very positive feelings from things that are affirming to your true gender like having your name and pronouns used correctly. I think it’s super important to have more conversations about euphoria and how it can help us to realise what our gender is (I would never have settled on being nonbinary if I hadn’t tried out they/them pronouns with friends first). It’s often left out of conversations and I think that’s harmful.  

It is also, of course, possible that some of the people who seem to be just feeling meh about it actually have a low amount of dysphoria, or dysphoria that doesn’t present typically and they don’t realise that. But I think that’s unlikely to be the case for everyone because again. humans are pretty varied and never fit well into neat little boxes. 

Dysphoria is such a varied and personal experience, it’s not really something you can police anyway.

I’m also strongly against making any rules about having to have dysphoria to be trans, because inevitably when we do that, someone somewhere decides to appoint themselves the Trans Police™ and start hunting for “fakes” and “trenders.” Even if I did believe the idea that some people are trenders (I don’t! but hypothetically), this always ALWAYS comes back to bite those who do have dysphoria. 

Someone will have dysphoria but it presents a little differently. Yeah, well now you’re a fake. Someone will be trans but gender non-conforming (a trans guy who wears make-up for example). Fake. Someone will have loads of social dysphoria but little bodily dysphoria. FAKE. And on it goes. 

You even get people trying to make arguments like “if you’ve been through transition and your dysphoria stopped… you probably never had it to start with and are fake.” As if… that’s not the point of transition for a lot of folks?? 

The only way to stop that from happening is to just… stop gatekeeping*? 

So yeah in conclusion / 

TL;DR

Medical definitions of dysphoria see it as the distress not just the disconnect 

Not everyone has that distress 

Even those that do, experience it in lots of different ways, not all of them physical

Euphoria is totally a thing and we should talk about it way more

Policing never helps anyone anyway

We should listen to folks when they explain how they feel 

*before some transmed uses their favourite line “I can’t gatekeep, I’m not a medical professional” I’m not talking about gatekeeping medical resources genius! I’m talking about gatekeeping socially, in community spaces because you can absolutely bully and exclude people from much needed social space.

[tumblunni]

Oh fuck i cant stand this

Ive already almost used up my damn mobile data again and i only bought it yesterday. Fuck i want to go home. You guys are like the only comfort i have here and i dunno what im gonna do when i cant message you again

Fuckin hell stupid shit day! I was supposed to go to a therapy class thing today but the stupid bus went past where my abusive father lives and i had a MASSIVE FREAKOUT and had to go home and then ofcourse to go home you have to go back on the stupid same bus!! I fuckib failed and wasted the doctor's time and he had to grab me to stop me from running off the bus crying and back to fuckin hell dad's house because im shit and i deserve everything he ever did to me

AND THEN fuckin same doctor continues the relentless constant tide of everyone misgendering me and making crass transphobic jokes

"You see you've gotta understand the other opinion" he says, as if trans people werent fuckin raised SURROUNDED by cis people's predjudiced opinion of us and taught it was fact. As if it didnt take me SO MUCH WORK to even become confident enough to stand up for myself! I've gotta see the 'other opinion' that "yknow well families and children use public bathrooms and theyre scared trans people will molest their children so its understandable they want to kick you out or even act violent to you". Yknow the OTHER OPINION that MY OPINION DOESNT MATTER and also MY ENTIRE EXISTANCE IS A CRIME but i'm the one being predjudiced for not accepting that OPINION, right?! Im here trying to tell him that no that isnt rational because there have been LITERALLY NO RECORDED CASES of trans people molesting children in public bathrooms, or even "evil men faking being trans" to do the same thing. There's been more cases of actual cis men breaking into women's bathrooms to drag women out for merely LOOKING trans. More cis women have been harassed because of anti trans laws than they ever did before! But hey "respect that other opinion", right? And also "at least its not as bad as russia" and "but gay pride is everywhere now, that one footballer had rainbow shoelaces." Hey wow i never noticed that not only was homophobia totally over but also transphobia was remotely related to that! Wow! I seriously had to bring out the fuckin 1600s historical investigation on pre-british olde englishe that showed the existance of a gender neutral pronoun before the word "he" ever existed, and the existance of transgender pride and pronoun discussions in the 1800s before the word transgender was even popularized. I cant believe i fuckin had to do a 'show your sources that queer people existed before the internet' IN REAL LIFE. WITH A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL. I can point at the damn NHS website but nooooo!

Oh and yknow what got me the most? YKNOW WHAT GOT ME THE MOST?? "We have sick people here, you cant expect them to remember stuff like that. Dont ruin their recovery by bringing up stuff like that." Like..fuckin..IM A FUCKIN PATIENT TOO. I wasnt even asking the other patients to stop hurting me i was asking you the staff to maybe consider it! And seriously you want me to be so super ultra perpetually prepared and perpetually rational and able to keep my existance secret and out of every conversation yet theyre too ill to learn about lgbt people existing? Just a sentence would be too painful? And me living every day being misgendered doesnt impact my ability to recover at all, eh? Fuckin shitting fuck hell.

And i hate it i HATE IT because he's being nice so i'll be the bad guy if i complain. Likehe fuckin..doesnt even know he's being rude and doesnt want to consider the idea. He says 'i dont like your tone' if i suggest the concept and FUCK in that moment i was so fuckin scared he was gonna hit me like my dad did. Or at tge very least kick me out of the hospital if i dont cooperate with him. He just fuckin..thinks he's perfectly unbiased and accepts everyone and "oh but i like to make fun of everyone equally". And i even fuckin raised the subject that people who say that often only make fun of minorities and never themselves, the majority, or major power structures. And he's just like 'yeah yeh i hate people like that'. Whoosh. Rigjt over the head. God i wasnt even TRYING to be passive aggressive i was trying tk outright tell him why what he said was upsetting me but NOPE. Trying to explain how its just so hard and tiring to have to verrrrrry patientlyyyyy explain yourself to EVERYONE EVERY DAY CONSTANTLY while they sling loads of rude words at you and it should be just allowed because they 'dont know better'. Like you ask me to educate you but at the same time im rude if i actually tell you?? And god i also tried to explain how the fuckin bathroom violence thing isnt an example of 'educating another opinion' AGAIN by saying like... If someone just asked me to explain being transgender i would. If someone just said they were uncomfortable i would leave. That's 'another opinion'. Reacting with slurs and violence to a trans person existing and not doing anything to you is not 'another opinion' and its not someone who 'just didnt know'. He was seriously trying to argue that it WASNT BIGOTED it was just someone rationally being afraid for their children because of a danger that doesnt exist, and rationally reacting with extreme violence rather than doing anything else. Rationally. RATIONALLY. oh just MISTAKENLY committing a hate crime! Cos they just didnt know trans people exist! Not cos they hate us! Oh no! Yeah sure we totally have a fucking DUTY to educate these POOR UNKNOWING PEOPLE while theyre attacking us, and its our damn fault if we didnt...

And just fucking FUCK i hate how someone can say all that stuff and still be "nice" and still not hate me personally? Like its so messed up?? He's not anti trans or anything he just has so much more damn sympathy for cis people than trans people, and puts all the onus on us to somehow prevent our own murders. And he thinks that "i dont have a problem with trans people" means doing LITERALLY NOTHING to change your behaviour to make trans people feel accepted. They should just magically know that your jokes are jokes when theyre surrounded by so many people saying it honestly, in CONSTANT FEAR OF THAT EXACT THING LEADING TO VIOLENCE. And like in order to be "a guy who has no problem with trans people" he has to do nothing, while in order for me to be not bigoted against HIM it means i have to never get offended by his jokes and also never talk about myself and also constantly educate him about things because he doesnt want to learn, even though he works in a hospital thats supposed to have an anti discrimination policy. Like fuckin just NOT HURTING LGBT PEOPLE doesnt make you discrimination free, shit like telling me to misgender myself because my pronouns would confuse the other patients is kinda fuckin fucked up. Also "that's a question for later" is all i CONSTANTLY get when it comes to talking about legal name changes or therapy or even just talking to an lgbt support group. I have to wait until i stop being depressed because oh no im talking about too many mental illnesses at once. Its been seven years and i havent fuckin stopped being depressed, bitch! Ever consider a fuckin symptom of gender dysphoria is a big ol fat depression!!! And just gahhhhh he was so fuckin baffled and angry that i would dare to get emotional about the subject?? Like he just saw DEBATING WHETHER TRANS PEOPLE ARE REAL and WHETHER PEOPLE WHO MURDER THEM FOR USING THE BATHROOM ARE JUSTIFIED as a perfectly normal casual discussion that a Non Transphobic Man could have with his transgender friend. Why oh why would i cry about this casual hypothetical discussion? Hey its not like it fuckin affects me directly! "Well its never happened to you right?" A Ha Ha Ha Ha. Also fuckin "so which bathroom do you use?" and "well you're not really transgender if youre not getting the surgery-oh wait you do want the surgery? How does that work then?" I swear i could just see the gears turning in his head and he was about to say "do you want both down there". Gahhhhhh *cringes myself into a tiny tumbleweed and blows away*

Also the entire time he kept calling being trans a sexuality and also asexuality. "No youre not trans youre asexual right?" Yeah sure ive just been saying im trans and saying im not a girl and wearing a chest binder and talking this entire conversation about my experiences as a trans person in public bathrooms just to pull an elaborate prank on you. And like i know what he meant is that he thought the word for nonbinary was asexual (has asexuality REALLY made so little progress towards getting into the sex ed curriculum in the entire 25 years of my life?) But like seriously he was like "youre not really trans if youre nonbinary". And then fuck dude i dont wanna explain how surgery works to you!! And especially not also my entirely unrelated sexuality that has entirely different equally upsetting predjudices!

Ans gahhhh fuck i just got no sympathy for crying and he acted as if it was just some wildly unexpected occurance he never could have predicted. And i hate it cos he's nice to me whenever the subject is about anything else. I cant get any symoathey from ANYONE because he's A NICE GUY and why dont i just understaaaaaand other opinionnnnnns

I wanted to fuckin quit this whole thing on the spot and go home. Only reason i cant is because my support worker is off work until thursday auauauaughhh

Fuck at least one positive i guess is that ive made progress in the social anxiety or at least gotten better at giving the impression im making progress. Cos i want to LEAVE AS FAST AS POSSIBLE. And also fuck all my other worries seem less suicide-inducing when im actually getting the closest ive ever been to killing myself on a daily basis because of a stupid other thing that i never could have predicted. Go here for one form of self hate, come home with another! Yayyyyy

And fuck i havent even made a single bit of progress on drawing or writing anything and i cant practise making ganes cos my laptop cant run rpgmaker and i havent even started reading my giant pile of books cos they fuckin LOOK THROUGH THE WINDOW EVERY SINGLE HOUR TO MAKE SURE YOU AINT KILLED YOURSELF. i have no fuckin pribacy and its making me wanna kill myself even more!! I just live constantly on edge looking at the fuckin door window and i cant even do anything to distract myself because im too scared of them looking at me!! Or barging in at no notice to tell me i have to do some big stressful thing RIGHT NOW because i dont even get advance notice of anything aaaa! And fuck i dont have anywhere to go to even calm down from a panic attack cos i have no privacy so at least im getting over being scared of going outside cos outside is the only place i can go to cry. Fuckin strangers in the crowd at least wont cause shit if they see me.

Fuck i want to go home. Fuck i wish i had enough money to keep buying mobile internet. Its like fuckin 750mb a day to run tumblr but its all ive got to talk to any person who doesnt hate me or patronize me or think im faking a bunch of shit or whatever the fuck. And im not even any fun to be around when im like this so im probably just ruining your day too. And im probably gonna vanish again soon and then just go back to crying alone and getting worse and probably never being able to leave

I knew it was gonna be stressdul but i didnt predict any of this.. I just wanna fuckin die. I wanted to jump out the car and go to my old dad's house and have him pull open the door and slap me around a bit. Like call me a fucking dyke, call me a sick retard, be honest about your feelings! I'd fuckin take being abused over this "oh youre the bad one for being mad because i had goooood intentions" reverse psychology bigotry from hell. Either these people are evil geniuses or theyre even more stupid like me. Fuckin shit dad please manifest in my room and slap me, killing me instantly. I feel like being scared of you would at least be a faster emotion than this nebulous sensation of confusing unease and dysphoria 24/7 for 6 fuckin months. One week done, haha! Hahahabahahahahahahahahahahahahshahahahahahshshshahshahahahhahahaaaa

[arvoze]

man, this was sent like, nearly 2 weeks ago or w/e, and i completely ignored it bc i didnt have the energy/ability to care (you literally sent these when it was between 1 - 2am my time) but, it was recently brought to my attn that you put both me + lal in your byf (because i.... banned you from a server i guess, and that means lals at fault too?) so.

i guess it’s high time i answer this lmao. maybe you wont even see this. maybe youll vague abt me for the next few weeks and try and make me out to be a bad person, but i dont care lol. anyways this is under a cut bc its pointless drama i guess. ask 2 tag

additionally: this isnt rly meant to act as a callout post. but since u asked on anon (and im pretty sure we’re mutually blocked) i cant really talk about this privately. this is mostly just.. well. answering your question. ive written this little paragraph after i’ve written everything below, so like, idk dude, it happens sometimes, i get rly heated abt shit and then cool down after a while. so this is wild.

edit: i havent read this thru nor do i care about reading it through. are there a bunch of typos? probably. dont care though

i dont rly have the energy to pull up Everything esp because that lke.... requires going thru so many discord messages adn i really just. dont care enough to sift through everything

“but if u dont care why are you writing this” shut up u wanted answers didnt u lol

nyways heres just . some shit lmao

man firstly let’s deal w your post abt my server

+ dont worry! ive got it archived in case u delete it bc who knows what ud do lol. nyways

lets just do some breakin apart on this:

i was lterally shaking at the time and having my OWN panic issues but i guess you dont rly take that into consideration lol?

this is one of the biggest exaggerations like ... you made it sound like the server was some big special place jdfghdkj theres literally 4 mods and 2 of them didnt even talk to you. the other 2 were me and lal

like half of the server isnt even fucken active on the server and the majority of the other half dont even care about unfollowing/blocking u. what a wild assumption. thts the funniest shit 2 me

please you literally sent me 3 asks when it was way too early in the morning 4 me expecting me to reply as if it was possible for me to give u all the reasons in like 10 minutes jesus christ

ths is one of the ugliest posts ive ever seen + this was posted before you were banned frm the server. several ppl in the server have bpd + i was absolutely not willing to have smeone who says this sht abt their illnesses around (re: the whole “not actively in therapy” and shit. fuck off lol)

here’s some other stuff on my list that you might remember:

(kin stuff) being fully aware that my brother wasn’t - and still isn’t - okay with doubles with a specific character, and that you were specifically warned whilst he was offline, and you knew this was the case, yet decided that your best way of explaining something was..... fuck dude, whats the wording you used? “i’d say but some people here aren’t ok with doubles” or some shit which is! literally just as bad! and tht shit has fucked my bro up so severely tht he still fuckn..... thinks abt + the shit uve said In General (shrugging emoji)

heres a fucken wild ride for u: ur the reason he left th server anyways and why the second i banned u i was immediately happy because holy shit i can talk to my bro again bc i could invite him back! to a chat where he doesnt have to deal w someone who causes him constant panic attacks! wowee

lets not forget me expressing my extreme distaste of lying [person] + r.idged.og + ridg.epho.s but u completely ignoring that shit (+ wowie remember when u said lying was yr friend and that you didnt like me venting negatively abt them bc my nasty experiences r somehow less important than ?? tht shit??? lol anyways)

god the entire fucking drama w the lying shit . i cant believe i was on yr side for a while jdfghkj. that whole fiasco was so shitty. nyways thts nothing to do w me its just something that made so many ppl uncomfy

remember when you left the lying chat and then vented to us about shit but then rejoined the lying chat unbeknownst to us + caused shit again (surprise, i know about that)

you, generally, made several people uncomfortable (myself included), and as the owner of the server, i’d much rather kick one person from the server than have several people being uncomfortable. but if that’s an unreasonable thing to do then please, inform me, because that’s news to me.

whilst i dont support alex or alex’s partner in any way, shape or form (before u try and call me a fucken apologist/supporter/whatever lol), the blatant deliberate misgendering of alex’s partner on your byf was extremely shitty of you (which has since been fixed, but yikes).

(kin stuff) pretending to not be a double around lal, knowing he’s not comfortable with doubles (which, maybe you’re not! but given you’re kin w mc.ree + got that in your byf, and don’t have anything abt not follwing if ur x.phos in ur byf...... boyo)

god theres more but im not willing to dig up all the shit + also dont want to ask other ppl about their personal problems bc thats exposing them to a past/experience they probably want to forget about/never revisit

if u found this? congratulations. you got your answers.

if ur gonna vague abt me? go ahead. i dont really see what ive done wrong lmao.

also, re: why i didn’t tell you anything at all,

i was having a panic attack and almost throwing up

i kept trying to find reasons to keep you in the server, because i didn’t want problems to arise

i will literally never talk to ppl abt this kinda shit privately bc i dont want people to feel bad but 2 late