#those are not things about my personality. except for the medication part tbh. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

non-plutonian-druid · 2 years

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hi taking my opportunity to ask you about your snicket five au

I don't know anything about that universe bc I never got around to reading it but I am very interested

Hello!!! i am glad i mentioned it in that one ask i got bc i got a few people asking me about it!! and i am so happy for the interest, thanks yall so much

TBH i debated how much i wanted to give away since not everything is decided and i kind of wanted to reveal it alongside art i make for it? but that's been slow going, so i shall reveal some of my cards now

first. the posts that exist: five invades elliott's shop and ben gets experimented on (cw for medical horror). Those posts, this post, and any future posts will be under my snicket five au tag

Most of the time I've been assuming people are at least aware of A Series of Unfortunate Events' whole deal, but given that you said you don't have any, I'll explain the relevant bit quickly: Lemony Snicket is the pseudonym of the author, but is also a character within the narrative, researching and telling us the story of the Baudelaire children after their parents are killed by the "villainous" section of a secret society called VFD. He's a very unreliable narrator, and is a part of the "good" side of VFD, kind of. My au is of the prequel series, All the Wrong Questions, which stars Lemony Snicket as a snarky asshole child instead of a snarky asshole adult

A collection of other relevant bits:

VFD, at this point in Lemony's childhood, is divided and the cracks are showing, but has not yet actually Schismed. That happens later.

Daniel Handler (the author) is Jewish, and I know just enough about that to know that it has a huge influence on the themes and texture of both atwq and asoue (things like "the eldritch monster is a metaphor for death, but specifically a very jewish concept of death"), but nowhere near enough to then take those themes and play with them in an interesting and informed way. I wanted to mention it because, lacking the ability to do that part of the series justice, i wanted to at least inform you all about it bc I think the au would be more interesting if i could

VFD is a cult. yes, all of it. yes, even the side that puts out fires.

I actually need to go through and do a ton of work revamping the premise and making events shake out differently, because at the moment it follows ATWQ really closely and I'm not fond of that. Things need to be different! But for the moment, the following is what I have.

Five is an actual 13 year old who has just completed his training with the Commission (a mysterious organization with mysterious purposes but which, in this case, probably doesn't involve teaching a child to murder) and is now an apprentice! He has to pick a chaperone, a word which here means "someone like a mentor except without the obligation to actually teach him anything or really to take care of him in any meaningful way". He picks the Handler, hoping she will leave him to his own devices enough that he can carry out a heist he has planned with his associate and not at all his friend, Delores (who gets to be a real person! good for her).

Unfortunately, the Handler immediately drags him out to a dying town that has the interim name DS, to leave him to his own devices enough that he could carry out a heist in that location instead. Too bad that's not where the heist is planned.

(Delores proceeds to try to do the heist on her own anyway, and spends the rest of the series arrested)

DS are the initials that i will be using to refer to the small town of the au. It is replacing a town in the series by the name of Stain'd By the Sea (you'll notice that is a parody of a naming convention in New England, because This Noir Flick Has Lovecraft In It, Baby). I haven't decided what D.S stands for because TUA has unhelpfully not given me anything to work with, but the town is a dying company town that used to manufacture umbrellas. In it, there is a now-defunct school that used to teach the children of the workers/citizens. Like some kind of.... umbrella academy.

(The school is plot relevant in ATWQ too! I'm not just having fun.)

Nowadays, DS is dying and most of the inhabitants have left to set up lives in The City, leaving their children behind to close up shop until things are more stable, which results in Just So Many undersupervised children. Meanwhile, a mysterious villain called the Monocle is doing mysterious villain things.

'Mysterious villain things', at the moment, means committing a series of seemingly unconnected crimes across DS and also reopening the school, saying that tuition is free for citizens of DS! The kids that go there don't come out.

That is our setup; now what are our beloved characters up to?

Luther in this au is an adult (barely). He was a boxer in the city but had to retire after an injury and left to DS where it was quiet. Since then he’s made friends with Allison Hargreeves, an up-and-coming actress who has returned to DS because she feels obligated to help her parents get ready to leave.. Luther lives in a refurbished observatory on the outskirts of town, and spends many of his mornings at the local diner, Griddy’s, where he frequently sees and occasionally chats with Five. He gets first embroiled in the plot when Five asks him to come along to look intimidating while he solves a mystery. He gets worried about this little guy!

Diego and Patch are approximately 15. Patch’s dad used to be a police officer before he retired, and she and Diego are very unimpressed with the current state of the police department, which is made of two mean and unhelpful people named Hazel and Cha Cha. So they’ve taken matters into their own hands! They’ve set up a detective agency-slash-vigilante-justice and are Determined to solve crime in DS. Diego is VERY suspicious of Five. He definitely knows more than he’s letting on! Why won’t he tell us! Diego does NOT want to be his friend shut up Patch!!

Allison’s parents want to shut down the company they run, but to Allison that’s quitting! She wants to revive it. This, combined with the fact that her plan actually has a chance of succeeding, means that she is a threat to the Monocle’s plan. He needs the town to be dead and full of children that nobody cares about! The Monocle is trying to get rid of her, but with the help of Five and Luther in particular, she’s been thwarting him thus far.

Klaus and Ben are a pair of unsupervised children, but unlike most children in DS they’ve been unsupervised for a very long time. Klaus takes an assortment of odd jobs at different times, and Ben likes to read in the library (and has a giant and obvious crush on the librarian). Normally they're inseparable, but the school recently opened! and its free! Ben has always wanted to go to school. He promises he'll write Klaus every single day.

Klaus hasn't heard from Ben in months. At first he was angry, but now he's getting worried

Viktor's parents run an instrument store. Well. Used to. Now they have left to set up their life in the city, leaving behind what they think is their dutiful daughter to close the store. Viktor's real passion is writing, and he's never seen without his typewriter. I'm not decided on how many people Viktor is out to. Everybody? Only Five because this is a new person to introduce himself to with his chosen name? To Be Determined.

Lila is searching for her father. She will do anything to find him. The Monocle kidnapped him, she’s certain of it. He was a professor of quantum mechanics at a university outside the city and he’s been gone for almost a year. She’s tracked him to DS, and she’s certain he has to be here somewhere. Has Five seen or heard anything about him? His name is Reginald Hargreeves and she misses him so much.

Elliott is a nervous 20-something who runs a nearly-closed television store in town. The character he’s a replacement for is actually a librarian, but I like the aesthetic of the television store, so someone else is the librarian. He has conspiracy-theoried his way into figuring out that the Commission exists, but is wrong in some key way. Five breaks into his house and forcibly adopts him and now the store is Five’s hideout, and Elliott is kind of his adult supervision and kind of thinks Five is an alien. Elliott makes good coffee, is very mousy but likes Five a lot,

Since the librarian man is now a television salesman, we need a new librarian. I nominate Jill! Shes a college student working at the library as part of her internship, except she doesnt have any supervisors on location so shes just… running the place. Five is trying to recruit her for the Commission.

Griddy’s was once run by a woman named Agnes, who has since retired. Now it’s being run by a woman named Grace, who is her… sister? Daughter? Sister in law or niece? Five can't figure it out; everyone seems to have a different idea of who she is. She’s very pretty, and at first seems perfectly normal, but at some point, something about her seems… off. Is she okay? If Five didn’t know any better, he’d say it's like she’s malfunctioning.

While Five is running around solving mysteries and meeting all these people, the Monocle is enacting his evil plan. He’s trying to grow a tentacled eldritch monster called the Horror, and he’s been using kids as dirt to grow little tentacle monster sprouts in. He’s based his operations in DS because it’s a dying little town that no one cares about, full of kids left on their own while their parents move out. He reopens the old school, and promises to educate any of the kids in the town for free (and also inject them with baby horror growing particles). Despite his many experiments, all of his attempts to grow the horror so far have eventually failed and the Horror died before it was big enough to use for world domination or whatever (or even before it was big enough to kill one measly human). But Ben…. Ben has been promising...

#tua #the umbrella academy #five hargreeves #lemony snicket #i COULD list all the characters i talk about but i dont feel like it so i'm not going to #for the void #i am truly SO happy that my mention of this au piqued people's interest in it #its niche but i love it!!!#i need to do work on the setup bc rn it follows ATWQ too closely which i dont like #i need to twist around the premise enough that the dominos all fall differently #but this is where its at right now #sorry about the delay on replying! and same to the other people who were looking for more #i had to wait for a period of time where i'd have time and energy to write this out bc i knew it would take me a while #and then after i reached a period of time to write it out.... it did in fact take a while to write #snicket five au

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yessu · 2 years

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gggghh I am in such a state of stress every day about work

I’ve been trying to take classes to get certified for medical coding and only found out when actually getting to the half of Doing the coding that I can’t do it. I can’t tell if it’s because I’m essentially teaching myself- I mean that’s a huge part of it, but I’m just consistently bad at the part of “determining the thing To Code”. I can *find* the necessary codes just fine. I’m just looking up the wrong shit. And there’s a very sudden obstacle both ways here- maybe practice helps! But I can’t access practice without Doing The Work or being in the class that I keep failing. Maybe I just need someone to train me directly! Classes in-person or specific training programs cost Several Hundred More Dollars that would go to waste if I fail.

So I tried looking for just, I don’t know, An Office Job. I can do menial tasks. But my limitation is I can’t handle my entire job being phone calls/customer service, which cuts me off from clerical work and the like, and 90% of what’s open at entry level. I could find something more obscure, but How?? I don’t have the keywords to LOOK for and some of these larger companies just use their own hiring systems so unless I know to look for THOSE companies I can’t browse those either!

So what if I just stay doing delivery? I *like* doing it. I just need better pay, which I can Only do if I get promoted to management.. which would require me to not be a driver anymore, which anxiety aside I *physically* can’t do because of all the times I’ve twisted my ankles and chipped one of my goddamn knees! I could potentially change restaurants, allegedly one of them has better pay, but I know for a fact franchises will offer that higher rate only for a couple months. I’d have to guarantee the baseline is better than what I make now and if I can get raises on top of that. Plus, are they busier than my current store? How do their customers tip? What if I trade over and I’m downgraded on all fronts except my hourly rate? Tips are straight up half my income, on good weeks it can make double my paycheck by the time payday comes around. I quite literally can’t afford that lack of security.

I’m most confident about the paperwork/office/whatever kind of job option, tbh, I’m just struggling so much to find viable opportunities. I need to work on art again as a second job but I can’t. I feel so stuck and like I’m suffocating especially with how this rent situation fucked us over and I’m so scared that we’re not going to be able to get back on track like I had been on my own because we can’t get enough money together fast enough.

#yessutext #any input or suggestions are more than welcome if yall have them #right now i just need to scream because i’m tired of being on the verge of tears for days

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kai-keda · 2 years

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tbh i feel like one of the reasons sandy hasnt had a big arc is because he as a character already kinda has it together y'know?

another reason i think is we haven't had a villain who specifically challenges his viewpoint (except huntsman i guess?), like lbd is cruel (in a psychological way) but not excessively violent.

i hope next season they introduce a villain who really opposes sandys viewpoints (in a similar vain to how lbd opposes mks viewpoints) and he gets more screentime.

(sorry if this doesnt make like any sense i have trouble articulating myself)

(sandy vash arc 2022)

You were already making sense to me and the “Sandy Vash Arc 2022” REALLY sold your point to me!

Yeah, I mostly agree with what you’re saying, especially all the stuff about how Sandy needs an antagonist to push him through some kind of arc.

The main part I disagree with is the idea of him already having everything together. I can tell you from recent experience that it can be very hard to grow out of trauma/neurodivergent-related reactions and even if you do somehow, it’s not that those feelings go away but rather you learn to work with them. (Cough-cough, me relying too heavily on my medication holding back my impulsivity and anger to the point of not actually working on developing the necessary skills to combat that so when my medicine situation needed a change, I suddenly went back to having those issues and had no way to cope. And I am 27.)

“To Catch a Leaf” showed us that Sandy STILL has those moments of almost going back to that mindset and to the kind of person he was BEFORE his big transformation. The kind of person he is ASHAMED of being. (Which, actually, holy damn I am suddenly resonating super hard with him ngl)

The issue I have is that we were introduced to that being a conflict for him and then it was completely dropped and left unresolved. And not only was it dropped and left unresolved, but nothing in that episode other than Huntsman getting a Thing™️ for LBD’s soup affected anything in the current story arc.

As a comparison: MK’s introduction to LBD affected the story arc by being a driving force in his frustrations, anxieties, imposter syndrome and other issues of self-worth which led to him jumping in and spamming his Monkey King Powers while not noticing/caring that they were only hurting him in the long run. (I think it’s comparable to when you’re playing a video game and you get stuck in this one spot so you get frustrated to the point of just mashing buttons for a bit even if that wastes your time and hurts you in the long run)

VS.

Sandy’s flashback and moment of weakness nearly causing him to break his pacifistic vow to himself has lead to… what exactly? Everything with him after that is just… cute, funny, silly, wholesome and general helpful friend stuff.

Because Sandy’s fight with Huntsman didn’t actually GO anywhere in the LBD plot-line, it should have been left for the next story arc. Or at the very least, that moment of weakness that we got to see should have been held onto for later.

I don’t care how awesome and cool and otherwise amazing it was (which, yes, the execution of the moment itself was all of those things and more) - it still should have waited.

Having an antagonist that specifically holds the “I’ve had to use violence to survive my whole life and that has made me strong” mindset I think would be a PERFECT foil to Sandy specifically (I think it would also work as a philosophy MK would have to work against which would be important as we can’t make a main series villain that doesn’t challenge the actual main character of the show and it would be more powerful if an antagonist that draws out Sandy’s flaws was a main villain).

For Sandy, I would really like to see him struggling with standing his ground with being a pacifist (like Vash). How even if he understands why and doesn’t condemn others who fight (unlike Vash), he knows himself well enough to not like the person he becomes when he gets any level of violent and wants to avoid it. And yet there will be times where he will be pushed by the nuances of the world to find violence necessary. If that happens, I want him to struggle with and yet learn to ignore those arguments by sticking to “Even if violence is the only solution for others, I can not let myself go down that path again and I never will!”

As a final note, as fun as it would be to make more comparison art between Sandy and Vash if this were to happen, I think having an antagonist like Knives whose philosophy is “People suck; Blow them up” would be too similar to LBD.

I like this ask a lot! Really got me thinking more about Sandy in ways I’ve never put much thought into before.

#lego monkie kid #monkie kid #lmk sandy #lmk analysis #lmk character analysis #kai keda analysis #kai Keda character analysis

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holocene-sims · 2 years

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List 5 facts about a favorite sim of yours, and send this to 10 simblrs whose sims you adore ♥♥♥

hiii thank you so much for the ask!! 💟

i'm going back to my oc fact roots and doing this one for grant ✨ my beloved pixel son

you know what? grant sleeps really weirdly LMAO. first of all, he's a very heavy sleeper, so nothing except an alarm set on max volume is ever going to wake him up. second of all, he pretty much always sleeps flat on his back in a perfectly straight line, but he has a habit of sleeping with his hands clasped on his waist, which makes him look dead. sir, why are you sleeping like a CORPSE?! ⚰️⚰️⚰️

grant is someone who has a lot of hobbies because he's the kind of guy who always has to be doing something with his hands and his brain or he'll lose his mind from boredom. obviously, he's big into video games and listening to music but he also loves studying up on or doing anything related to astronomy or aviation (okay nerd 👨‍💻) and he loves to travel or to be outdoors. hiking is his big outdoors thing but he also likes to just chill and look at pretty nature stuff. he's also done some camping, water sports, etc. stuff like that.

he's a huge neat freak and tbh a bit of a germaphobe. he absolutely is the kind of person who makes their bed every day, who cleans up the house every day in some format, who is super strict about kitchen and bathroom cleanliness, etc. he washes his hands a LOT and always keeps hand sanitizer on him. and there's a lot of stuff he's grossed out by. he refused to touch any part of a sink with his bare hands, he won't deal with his cat's litter box without gloves and a mask, etc. when he spends time outside, he's definitely going to shower twice afterward to feel clean. also, for most of his adult life (aka up until he had to leave because of his medical issues) he was a pilot and he knows how gross people are, so he would ALWAYS disinfect anything and everything in the cockpit and he would go out of his way to clean up the cabin with the flight attendants even though that wasn't part of his job description. that always made him better about being in there all day long (and plus, he respects flight attendants!! grant says respect the FAs or else!!)

going back to the hobbies thing...while he was losing his mind recovering from surgery and also trying to cope with all the feelings he has, grant picked up art as a side thing he likes to do! 🎨 he's not amazing at it or anything because he's not a natural artist or musician despite having a creative mind, but he likes to sketch flowers or scenery things or other sorts of natural stuff like animals. it's been good "therapy" for him. life has been a lot for him, starting out with shitty parents and ending up with his childhood trauma triggering mental and physical health problems for him, and also sometimes being the person who constantly has to be doing something is exhausting, so sitting down and drawing something in a notebook is a good way for him to balance all of those things. it gives him something to do but doesn't require a lot of brain power and still works through whatever feelings are driving him to sketch something pretty

you know how some guys use like 3-1 shampoo/conditioner stuff? 💀 nahhh grant is the opposite. he has like a seven-step skincare routine and he's very particular about shampoo and conditioner usage and taking proper care of his curly hair. he owns SO many hair & skin care products and he is obsessive about using them. is it partially because he's a germaphobe? yes! is it partially because he's super comfortable with doing traditionally feminine stuff? yes! anywayyyyy go grant, our nail polish and moisturizer king 💅

#asks #hlcn: oc info #hlcn: story extras #hlcn: grant #he contains multitudes #ironically the guy who continues to do shit like drink and smoke when it's terrible for his health is the guy who is a germaphobe and picky

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dog-teeth · 3 years

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Hiii please don't answer if this question is too much but I was wondering what your experience as a trans person existing is like? Rn I'm cis passing and low-key making me miserable but the anxiety of how I would b treated in the world is so so so scary so I guess is it hard? Are you treated any different? Especially the non-binary thing bc that's me too <3

haiii as always i write fucken essays so its below the cut lol

well first of all i can only speak to my own experience, which is obvs influenced by the other parts of my life like my location/class/race/sexuality/personality/etc, it difficult/impossible to distill what "being trans" is like without factoring in everything else.

but anyways, i'm extremely lucky to have had the security to come out and be open about my transness since i'm surrounded by really excellent people. when i came out i was 14 and didn't know any other trans people, and it sucked, but i feel like even in just the past 6ish years there's a LOT more visibility for trans people than there was back then, and obvs i was young and had a lot less personal autonomy at the time. but my friends were all really cool about it and my parents were chill as well, and i went to a good high school where my teachers were respectful (i got misgendered by other students but once they were aware of me being trans they usually stopped) so i honestly didn't face that much external difficulty because of my gender.

the period between coming out and medically transitioning was rough a lot of the time tho, just because of the frustration of trying to be seen a certain way and the world never seeing you that way, at times it felt futile to even try and for a long time i really wished i wasn't trans, because being trans had never brought me any joy, so i didn't have pride in it the way i could with my sexuality, as it had only ever caused me pain (whereas my queer sexuality had lead me to love, sex, community, etc). but those were internally-driven feelings, not anything specific in how i was treated except for generally living in a world that didn't see me as myself, but that's also true when ur not out. it took a lot of fighting to be seen, and learning how to make myself happy.

since coming out, though, its been really really amazing. meeting & connecting with other trans people, dating other trans people, helping other people figure out their gender identities by being myself around them, making art about being trans, etc, is very rewarding, and obvs u can do that without being "out" too.

emotionally its very fulfilling, like jesus christ medically transitioning once i was an adult was so fucking awesome. i hadnt realized how much not being visible as my gender to other people was holding me back and distressing me until it stopped. even though i had socially transitioned earlier and been respected by people around me, it wasnt until i went on hrt and had top surgery that i felt really really good about existing as a trans person, when i could exist at any time in any space in any clothes and be seen how i wanted to be seen, and felt like my body was as it should be.

i don't really get treated differently tbh, most people don't readily assume ppl are trans so upon meeting me people just think im a queer guy, and i only bring up being trans when i want to & feel ok doing so. being nonbinary some people are bad about using my pronouns but i honestly dont care much. every once in a while i have to explain gender stuff to people but again i dont mind. its def more annoying than if i was a binary trans person but meh.

there's some annoying/anxiety-inducing stuff like dealing with extended family, doctors appointments, legal documents, and situations where i feel like i have to try to be Stealth, but those are rare compared to my everyday life where i'm genuinely just vibing.

i completely respect trans people who don't want to be out for whatever reason, but personally i've found it to be very rewarding and i can only imagine how miserable i'd be if i couldn't be open about my gender.

tldr; it's hard while you're figuring yourself out, but if the people around you are generally good, it's extremely awesome to be able to be yourself and transition!

#i was jsut thinking the other day about how crazy it is that i was just like i want to be a boy . and then i did it #cant think too hard abt how it felt to be younger and just wishing i could be an androgynous cool boy but knowing i was stuck in my body #but now i Did That its crazy i never thought it would be possible #ez answers #gender stuff

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gohyuck · 3 years

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pairing: head knight!jeno x monarch!reader (reader has genitals attributed to those considered biologically female but no pronouns are actually used)

genre: fluff, mild angst (they discuss an oncoming battle they must prepare for), smut (it’s mostly smut)

word count: 6.5k

warnings & notes (nonsexual): mentions of war/battle, mentions of injuries retained from past skirmishes, jeno is as tall as you need him to be in order to rest your head against his chest without leaning down, it’s kind of cheesy tbh they are disgustingly head-over-heels in love with each other, also a peryton is a fantasy creature that’s essentially a stag + a bird, also i know y’all must be tired of royalty aus but i swear this is almost pwp (except there’s context so there’s plot) so give it a chance (if you’re legal) i guess

warnings & notes (sexual): oral (giving and receiving for both parties), fingering (reader receives), spit kink (lmao sorry), general messiness honestly, mild knife kink (no blood drawn, he just uses a dagger to tear apart clothing), gratuitous usage of the name ‘lionheart’, jeno has a big dick because i cannot stop myself from doing that to y’all for some reason, some choking

special thanks to @moonlit-jeno @domjaehyun @waithyuck for reading parts of it/all of it beforehand!

the soft hours of twilight have their holds on you, chilling you to your bones even as you pull the heavy fur cape tighter around your body. you should’ve pulled something over your thin nightgown, you suppose, something to act as a middle layer between silk and skin and peryton fur, but it’s too late for that. you’re already out on your private balcony, overlooking a kingdom you’d do anything to see the sun rise on day after day.

far, far past the outskirts of your humble realm, barely visible to your own eye, an unsettlingly large camp of soldiers is finishing setting up camp for the night. you watch as tiny, tiny orange pinpricks - no doubt the fires they’d set to make food, to alert you of their presence - begin to get snuffed out. finally, they sleep.

if you were any worse of a person, of a ruler, you would send your army after them now, hours before the battle is set. perhaps, if you were any less selfish, you would do so regardless of keeping your status as a good and just monarch. if you were any less selfish, you would shake awake the love of your life and hand him his cape after shedding it from your shoulders. you would tell him to rouse his men and women, to arm them to their teeth, and to fight for what is right using means that are entirely wrong.

as if privy to your thoughts, your head knight stirs in the too-large bed behind you. you turn just in time to see him sit up and twist his body left, right, left as he stretches to rid himself of sleep. it’s too late - or maybe too early - for either of you to be awake. maybe you should have stayed within his warm embrace rather than gotten out of bed to size up the army of the kingdom of crithage.

even now, you can’t help but strategize, at least on a basic level. crithagians are unused to the cold of your beautiful - but often frigid - ekoria. they won’t expect your people to fall upon them from the icy cliffs that surround their camp, nor will they be able to see over the oncoming blizzard your royal sky-reader has predicted. she has not been incorrect in many, many years. ekorians have, over the years, grown accustomed to heavy snows, among other weather phenomenon, so your army’s visual acuity is not to be questioned.

that, and your troops are in the hands of the best warrior ekoria has ever had.

jeno. your jeno. your lionheart. you rein your thoughts in just as he pulls open the balcony door, closing it behind him with a soft click as he steps over the threshold separating in from out and warm from cold. goosebumps rise across his bare flesh the moment his skin meets air, and you don’t hesitate to slide his cape off and thrust it towards him, knowing full well that his arms will provide more than enough heat for you. he fastens it with ease, seeming slightly amused at how you’d been using it as a blanket, and gently grabs ahold of your wrist before pulling you into his chest and wrapping an arm around your waist. with his other hand, he takes a corner of his cape and wraps it around you, leaving you enveloped in both his hot-to-touch skin and the comforting fur.

“they’re out in the valley, aren’t they?” he finally murmurs, leaning to place his mouth against your ear. jeno’s voice is thick and sleep-ridden, still raspy in a way that settles around you, inside you, within you. you lean back slightly, raising a cold hand to rest against the tattoo of a lion that adorns his left pectoral, mane stretching up to his collarbone and encroaching on his bicep. the lion has a scar on its right cheek. you pull away more, eyes landing on the thin discolored line underneath your lover’s same eye.

it had been a longsword, meant to slash across your throat. jeno, with the speed of a star falling from grace and enough adrenaline to fuel a hundred men, had leapt across you in order to take it across the face. for crown and for country, bard’s songs later regaled of him. for you, he’d whispered to you that same night as you’d stitched him up, using the threading tactics you’d learned from the castle medic as a child. for you. always for you.

“my love?” jeno prods, and you realize you haven’t given his rhetorical question any acknowledgement. you hum, meeting his eyes with your own, and watch as he allows one corner of his mouth to turn up.

“they only just put out their fires.” you finally respond, moving to be against his chest again. you rest your head against the intricate ink against jeno’s skin, finally letting out a breath of what one might consider worry. the air that leaves your lungs manifests into wisps out in the cold world that surrounds you. your lionheart pulls you ever closer.

“you need not stress.” he says simply, and an outsider to your relationship would see no cohesion between your statement and his. still, you know precisely what jeno means, why he’s said what he’s said. you turn, pressing your lips against the lion’s forehead. above you, your own lion brushes his lips against your temple.

“i have an army, a kingdom, even, to worry about, and yet i only fear tomorrow for whatever outcome befalls one man.” you whisper, and even you are surprised to find tears catching in your throat. you do not cry easily, not when you know firsthand how cruel the world can be.

you only reign because your parents no longer breathe.

tomorrow’s battle could easily bleed into next year’s war, and while your kingdom is prepared for such a thing, your heart may not be. your people are not belligerent, and neither are you. crithage had been the one to throw the first stone, had sent word that if you refused to relinquish your throne and bow your head, they would aim the first arrow, draw the first blood. no tears had been shed then, not even when you’d paced around your bedchambers, reading and rereading the note signed with blood red ink until jeno had physically pulled it out of your tight grasp. you hadn’t cried, not even when he’d said that he was willing to die if it meant keeping crithage out of ekoria, out of the kingdom you’d both built from ground up after the war that had taken your parents, out of the home you’d created together.

“wherever you take us, i will follow. wherever you need me, i will lead.” he’d murmured the words against the lobe of your ear, standing beside and slightly behind your throne as you’d written out your reply to crithage in a room full of your advisors. nobody else had moved a muscle then, not even as you closed the envelope with hot wax and the royal seal.

you’d sent back a much, much shorter letter than their own in response.

a time and date for battle. nothing more and nothing less.

that had been so many months ago, so far away that the concept of time dissipates when you attempt to organize it in your harried mind. with a hostile army on your doorstep, everything suddenly feels far more real than it has before. your people have been evacuated, your troops have been trained. your lionheart is unafraid to the world, standing tall and proud at your side as he always has.

a sigh that starts from deep in jeno’s chest brings you back to the present. tomorrow is it, you’re reminded. crithage has seiged almost every other state between themselves and your beloved ekoria. if they get to you, they’ll have your head, raised high on a stake they’ll erect outside of the gates they’ll install to the place you call home. if they get to you, it means they’ll have gotten through jeno.

you can’t live in a world without him. it’s a dangerous attachment for a ruler to have, you’re well aware. if other kingdoms find out that your weakness is a person, one that lives and breathes, you’re not likely to ever see your love again.

it’s little comfort that jeno can’t live in a world without you, either.

“i worry about not being here, at the castle, to protect you,” he mumbles into your hair. “i know that you are perfectly capable, and that you’ll have your own faction of our knights with you, but i- it feels as if i’m about to open my chest and leave my naked heart unguarded, right there for any arrows to pierce.”

jeno’s confession is simple, beautiful in the way the most ornate of daggers are: that is, you feel as if he’s just dragged a sharp edge down the length of your sternum, taking you apart piece by piece. his words cage you in, force you deeper into your own head in a way you can’t afford, not right now.

“eloquent,” you hum, unable to resist teasing him even as the moment does not call for it. it’s to save yourself from your heavily beating heart. “it isn’t too late to make you my poet laureate, you know. no need to wield a sword tomorrow then.”

“and who would be your head knight then, hm? the current laureate? you want renjun to lead the charge against the crithagians? to be your lionheart?” your lover draws back to ensure that you can see his eyes, glimmering with mirth. renjun is an able man, and one of your best friends, but he is not the warrior jeno is.

nobody is the warrior that jeno is.

“such a foolish thing to say,” you smile up at him, lips folding from joking to earnest within moments. the merriment fades a little from jeno’s eyes at recognizing the change in your expressions. “you’re my only lionheart. always have been and always will be, even when you’re too old and gray and slow to be my head knight.”

“someone seems confident of that happening.” he says quietly, raising the hand at your waist to come up and rest over your own hand that lies against his chest. you swallow, your own spit feeling too heavy for you to stomach, your throat dry and scratchy.

“who else can have confidence of a victory rather than a monarch?” you ask, a smile that isn’t quite sad - but isn’t quite self-assured either - resting on your lips. jeno raises your hand to his lips, pressing one, two, three chaste kisses to the back and then repeating the pattern against your palm. he does not let go.

the two of you stand there for a stolen moment. you lay your head back against his chest, listening to the thundering of his heartbeat below the ink and skin and muscle and bone. he is real, and he is here.

he is real. he is here.

“the monarch’s lionheart, of course,” he murmurs, finally dropping your hand to reach back and push open the balcony door. “we only have four more strokes of time until i must go, my love. is this truly how you want to spend it?”

it’s evident that jeno no longer wants to mull over the what-ifs, not when he prefers living in the present more than anyone you’ve ever known. unsurprising, you suppose, for someone whose livelihood involves strategizing away his own mortality. you allow him to pull you back into your bedroom, immediately more comfortable when the door closes behind you, keeping you in with the body heat of your lover and the warmth of the crackling fire on the hearth in the corner of your room. jeno sheds the cape, draping it over the nearest chair, before bringing you back to his chest by placing his large hands against your waist.

it takes feeling his fingers against your skin through the thin silk of your slip to remember that jeno has nothing on. he’s always preferred to sleep naked, unlike you. though you hardly have any undergarments on, you at least wear a sheer gown most nights.

you’d ridden him passionately before bed, tiring both of you out in order to get any semblance of sleep. as your lionheart pulls you flush against him, though, it’s difficult to avoid the way his cock hardens against your hip once more. you want to quip about how jeno’s insatiable, but he trails a hand up, up over your body to swipe a thumb over one of your hardened nipples, and you can’t help the sigh that escapes through your prettily parted lips.

“will you get on the bed for me, love?” jeno’s voice is smoother now that he’s more awake, though you can’t help but miss the low growl that had come with the earlier rasp. he may be asking you a question, but you know that it’s an order in disguise. wordlessly, you step back, back, back until the wood of your bedframe presses against the soft plushness of the back of your thighs. jeno has not moved, choosing to stay put and appraise you instead. his eyes are hooded now, and as his gaze trails from your neck - he’d marked it up earlier, the kiss-bitten bruises not yet having faded from your skin - down to the curve of your chest, over the expanse of your thighs, he can’t help but reach one hand down to his dick, swiping two fingers over its head to collect his precum on his skin.

jeno says nothing else, makes no other move. it’s to give you an illusion of control, you suppose. not that you need one.

“should i rid myself of this, lionheart?” you ask, the words coming out breathier than intended. the nightgown leaves absolutely nothing to the imagination, and you’re sure he can even see the slick wetness that’s pooling against your inner thighs. jeno adores seeing your body more than anything, but the gown does not inhibit that.

it’s no surprise, then, when he shakes his head no, instead finally moving to stand at the edge of the bed, slotting himself between your thighs as they naturally move apart to fit him in. his clean hand slides up under your gown, resting just above your cunt, as he raises his other hand to your face.

“lie back, and open.” jeno states, no air of leniency about him anymore. you oblige, and your love leans over you, his dark gaze centered on your parted lips.

he lays his two precum-coated fingertips against your tongue, pressing in and then down and revelling when you don’t gag but instead run your tongue over his fingers, cleaning them off for him. you haven’t gagged in a long time, your reflexes getting used to him in the way the rest of you is. when he withdraws his hand, your mouth stays open, and jeno can’t help himself as he leans over you and, after gathering it in his own mouth for a moment, allows his own spit to fall from his own tongue and onto yours.

your eyes go wide at the action, and you know that he notices it even as he does not acknowledge it. even so, you don’t miss the smirk that crosses his face upon hearing your breath hitch. jeno has you in his palm.

satisfied, he stands, and you close your mouth and swallow a part of him with a part of you. jeno’s no longer looking at your face, but you can’t bring yourself to care, not when he’s ruching up your nightgown with growing hunger, not when he’s kneeling on the stone ground just to make himself eye-level with your pretty, pretty pussy.

“i took you hardly any time ago,” he murmurs, breath hot against your skin as his mouth nears where you so desperately need him. “and yet here you are, laid open once more, all for me. only for me.”

“always you, jeno, please - ” you can’t get any more words out, the air being pulled out of you as he dives in and circles your clit with his tongue, bringing his two spit-soaked fingers up to press into you with almost no resistance. your reaction is instantaneous, walls clenching like a vice around his fingers as he lays a filthy kiss against your bundle of nerves, hips jumping up only to be kept down by jeno’s other hand, pressing down against the bottom of your stomach.

“patience.” he pulls off of your clit just to growl the word out against the skin of your inner thigh, and the wet heat of his mouth directly against your flesh has you practically gasping out. when jeno sinks his teeth into your thigh as he’s often wont to do, you let out a full-bodied whine, the kind that starts in the back of your throat and rises up through the inner column of your neck, meant only for your lover’s ears. jeno laves his tongue over the marks he’s just created, as if to wash the pleasurable pain from your body.

he does not reattach his mouth to your core, choosing instead to fall back and watch, eyes trained, as he scissors you open. with hardly any warning rather than his gaze jumping up to meet your own momentarily, jeno presses his thumb into your clit, using your slick wetness to eliminate any raw friction as he rubs slow circles against your nerve endings. he’s never failed to bring you to the edge with ease, and now is no different. you’d be embarrassed at how easily you fall apart just from his simple simultaneous motions, in and on you, but it’s jeno, and he knows your body maybe even better than he knows his own.

keening, a loud, gasping wail, falls from your lips only for jeno to rise from his place in between your thighs and swallow your sounds with his open mouth, his clean hand coming up to cage you in against your sheets. the way you raise your arms to loop them around his neck is akin to the way a drowning man would grab on to a lifeline, and once he rises you pull him back into a longer, filthier kiss, where your teeth click against his and his tongue opens up your mouth the same way it feels like his touch opens up your body.

you feel as if you’re being flayed, as if hellfire is the only thing comparable to the heat against your skin. jeno steps closer, just by the tiniest bit, and you feel his hand - the one shining with your arousal - brush past your hip before he uses it to wet his cock with one, two, three firm strokes. copious amounts of precum arise from the tip before being pulled down against his flesh with expert downstrokes. your mouth waters as you watch.

“my mouth, lionheart, please?” you finally gain the courage to ask what is on your mind, sitting up on your elbows as you begin to slowly find your strength. your love raises an eyebrow, and not without reason: jeno is a big man, making even you - a literal monarch - feel small at times, and this does not end with his personality or his person: you have never been able to take all of him into your mouth. the ache borders on painful, frankly, and jeno himself refuses to harm you in that way.

“this, now, is about you.” he responds, and your heart cracks as you register that as a ‘no’. still, you speak again. you need him in your mouth, suddenly. it isn’t just a want. something has to anchor you to the here and now, it may as well be the head of his cock, heavy against your tongue.

“what is about me is about you as well,” you respond, and before he can lay his refusal down out flat, you slide onto the floor - warmer than expected - and tuck your heels behind your bare ass. “i need this. please.”

you’re directly in front of him now, face parallel to his strong thighs. jeno strokes up, squeezes tighter just below his frenulum, and you watch, struck, as precum beads at the tip and then splits into two streams, half sliding down his hard dick and the other slowly-but-surely falling to the ground, hardly a quarter of a step from one of your knees.

“give me your hand, then,” your knight murmurs from above you, drawing your gaze from his leaking cock up past the dainty curve of his lip to his hard eyes. “now.”

when you raise your hand up, you only put it up limply, unsure of what he means to do with the limb he’s asked for. your eyes must be swimming with questions, because jeno gives you a hint of a sweet, reassuring smile before allowing his expression to become stoic again… right before he grasps your given hand and straightens it out, gentler than expected from such a great warrior but harsher than he truly ever treats you.

he’s passionate. this demonstrates it.

before you can react, your body following your hand up off of your heels, though only slightly, as he yanks up your hand, jeno leans down and licks up your hand, from the bottom of your palm to the top, all while maintaining eye contact with you. he lets go, though you keep your hand raised, your gaze obviously dumbfounded.

“a dry hand would rub me raw,” he explains, though the smirk that’s tugging at one corner of his mouth shows that he finds your wide-eyed expression at least mildly amusing. “we do not want that, do we?”

it’s amazing how easily he can get you under his thumb when you give out orders that hold his life in the balance on a day-to-day basis. maybe that’s why he finds taking charge in private so easy. maybe it’s his way of evening your dynamic out. even now, as he asks you an innocent question with no hidden meaning or reaction, you find yourself shaking your head along enthusiastically. no, of course you don’t want to rub him raw. of course you and him don’t want that.

you raise the hand now deemed ‘not dry’ up as jeno watches, finally, finally wrapping your hand around it. your thumb and middle finger do not meet, no matter how tight you squeeze. your lover lets out a fulfilled groan at finally feeling a touch other than his own on his hard cock, and it’s a beautiful sound. you want more of it. you want more of him.

as if mesmerized, you lean closer, darting out your tongue to lick experimentally at his slit. he holds his breath, a large hand coming to rest lightly against the back of your head and base of your skull, waiting. you take this as a sign to stretch your lips wider, engulfing the entire tip of his cock in your hot mouth. his grip tightens in your hair, and, in return, you clench around nothing.

as you struggle to take more of jeno in your mouth, you do your best to stroke the rest of his cock with a tight enough grip to make him feel everything, but not tight to the point where you’re hurting him. regardless of how little you can take on your tongue - not your fault, by any means - jeno seems happy, barely able to stop himself from bucking up into the back of your throat. at this point, you’re essentially just warming his cock, so you pull off with a slick pop to look at him with slightly watery eyes. a string of precum and saliva connects your bottom lip and his tip, and when it breaks, you’re acutely aware of the mixture dripping down your chin and onto your nightgown. it’s no matter.

jeno’s thumb runs over your scalp, just above the bottom of your skull. you close your eyes momentarily to take in a deep breath.

“you can force yourself down my throat, you know,” your voice is raspy when you speak, eyes fluttering open almost drearily. “i’m not too delicate for it.”

there’s something simultaneously raw and pure about the way you speak, and jeno recognizes that your headspace has changed, just a little. your need truly is all-encompassing now. he must tread more delicately than usual.

there’s so much love, so much adoration in your wide-eyed gaze. he only wishes to return it with the same intensity and double the care.

“i know, love,” jeno responds, finally moving his hand in order to place two fingers under your chin. he tilts your face up, taking note of the way your eyes run over his tattoo before looking at his chin, then his jaw, then his nose, then his forehead, until, finally, you land on his eyes. you’re a tad bit unfocused, full of need, but that’s okay. you’ll always come back to him. he continues speaking. “you’re so strong. always so strong for me. that’s why you deserve to be rewarded, yes?”

“rewarded?” you’re confused, to say the least, though you do not dislike the direction jeno is suddenly moving towards. he only smiles, gentle and kind and good and yours. all yours.

“on the bed, (name).” he tilts his own head, jutting his chin towards the bed you’d slid off of earlier. you don’t hesitate to follow, pushing yourself up onto your feet and all but scrambling backwards to be seated against the soft mattress. the blankets are all haphazard and the pillows aren’t straight, but that’s the least of your worries right now. jeno gives no other orders, only stepping closer and, without warning, winding his arms underneath your thighs and propelling you backwards, causing you to land, back flat, in the center of your bed.

it had always felt inescapably large when you’d slept in it alone. now, it feels welcoming. safe.

“you’re ready for me, yes?” the tone of voice jeno uses is soft, even as his rough palms push apart your thighs. you nod, murmuring a small ‘yes’ once you realize he’s waiting for you to verbalize your thoughts. this is all jeno needs to climb onto the bed and move in between your spread legs, settling back on his calves as his hands smooth over your hip bones and waist. it’s evident that he’s bent on taking his time with you tonight, likely under the illusion that that is what you want.

it is not what you want. it is most definitely not what you need.

“i need you within me, lionheart,” one of your hands clutches at the sheets beneath you while you stretch the other towards your lover, imploring. “soon. now. please.”

“absolutely impatient,” jeno only chuckles in return, drawing an indignant whine forth from the base of your throat. he looks over your barely covered body once more before finally - almost in slowed motions as if to tease you further - rising up onto his knees. his hands stop moving against your skin, finally circling around the soft meat of your upper thighs. swiftly and fluidly, jeno pulls your body towards his, wrapping your legs around his own waist. his wet cock lies heavy against your pelvis, leaving slick precum against the apex of your thighs and the bottom of your stomach. he smirks. “is this what you wanted?”

the motion of being pulled into your knight had forced the air from your lungs in a surprised yelp, and the feeling of his warm skin - he’s always supplied so much heat, it baffles you to no end - against your own momentarily blanks your mind. jeno repeats his question twice, cocky grin growing with each utterance, before you nod vigorously and sputter out something vaguely affirmative. yes. yes, this is exactly what you wanted, exactly what you want.

you’ve been growing steadily wetter the longer your foreplay had drawn out, but jeno, ever-caring, still pulls back - his cock sliding against your thigh has you moaning - to slip two thick fingers into you, adding a third when he’s absolutely sure that you can take it. in no time at all, you’re grinding your clit against his rough palm, the friction absolutely heavenly. jeno makes no move to stop you, only gently forcing his fingers in deeper.

a fourth finger is added just as your abused clit can’t take anymore, and you spasm on his hand as you fall past the point of no return. your second orgasm of the night washes over you, and you can’t help the muted but harried gasps you let out as your hips buck up, driving your head back into the mattress. jeno draws his fingers out slowly, licking your essence off of them with practiced ease. once your body has calmed down, you can only let out a small whimper, still basking in the intensity you’ve just experienced.

jeno knows your limit, and knows damn well that you haven’t reached it yet. it’s because of this that, even as your walls are still clenching around nothing due to aftershocks that wrack your body, he places the fat head of his cock against your hole and slowly but surely slides in. the hands on your thighs move up to wrap around the sides of your waist, and his grip is bruising as he pushes deeper and deeper. even as he goes at a snail’s pace, you feel as if you’re being pulled apart only to be pieced back together again. you hold your breath.

jeno is halfway in when he realizes you still aren’t quite wet enough. he shifts slightly, carefully moving one of your legs up just a little bit higher, before swiping over your raw clit with a thumb he’s wetted with his own tongue. a moan flies forth from your mouth immediately, and a gush of wetness coats jeno’s cock anew as he circles over your bud with abandon. he’s finally free to surge forward and bury himself within your warm walls without fear of repercussions on your own body… so he does. the breath you’d been holding in is punched out of you, replaced with an honest-to-god wail. tears bud at the corners of your eyes at the stretch, falling as he pulls out almost entirely and slams into you again.

jeno does everything in his life in order to live up to the name you’ve given him: lionheart. he is just and loyal and thoughtful as an advisor, and analytical and fearsome and ruthless as a warrior. sex is where both sides of him meet. it is where he is not just the kingdom’s bravest knight, or the crown’s right-hand man. it is where he is your lionheart, and yours alone, where your souls intertwine at the place your bodies meet.

he notices how your hands come up to reach for him, leaning down so you can place one hand against his heart - against his tattoo - and throw the other one over his other shoulder. jeno’s nose is almost touching yours, though your bodies shift continuously as he keeps drawing back and driving his hips into yours with force.

he never ceases to make you feel full.

your walls grip his cock tightly, amplifying every movement jeno indulges you in. the slide is slick and wet and perfect, but it is not easy. the head of his dick catches on your clenched walls every time he pulls out just to slam back in, forcing you to feel him with everything you have. it’s exactly what you want.

he slows down his thrusting for a moment as he moves forward slightly, leaning closer still as he places one forearm against your head and raises his other hand to fondle your chest over your sheer clothing. somehow, this is no longer enough for you. jeno’s cock is fully sheathed within you as he swipes a thumb over one of your nipples, and the feeling of his skin pushing the cloth against one of your most sensitive areas has you shuddering in a way that causes you to squeeze even tighter around him. his hips stutter slightly, driving him impossibly deeper into you.

“jeno,” you rasp out, tongue heavy and dry. “my pillow. beneath my pillow.”

his eyes go wide as he processes what you’ve just said, his shallow thrusts slowing down. jeno gulps audibly.

“your- love, your dagger?”

“need you to touch me.” you respond, holding his gaze and watching it clear up from confused to comprehending you entirely. he pushes himself up from his forearm to his hand, sliding out of you in the same movement. you whine sadly at the loss of contact, but jeno mutters a good-natured ‘be quiet’ almost immediately.

“you know,” he starts, voice teasing, even as he pulls your dagger - black steel, quillions and hilt encrusted with blue jewels, black tempered glass at the pommel - out from beneath your pillow using the hand that had been fondling you earlier. he moves back down to his prior position, and your breath hitches as he presses the apex of the knife against the collar of your nightgown. “i’m already touching you.”

“more,” you moan out, the end of your word coming out almost breathlessly. one of your hands slides against his tattoo once more, as if feeling the lion will make it roar to life. “touch me more.”

jeno chuckles, albeit darker than he had been earlier, and digs the dagger into the cloth in front of it without any further ado. you hold your breath willfully this time, not wanting to actually nick yourself on the blade, as he moves down your body, cutting the sheer gown open down its direct center. your lionheart dots his lips against your flesh in a trail in his wake, scraping his teeth against your skin as he sees fit.

he leaves a quick, but filthy, kiss against your clit for good measure, eyes lighting up as you attempt to close your legs around his head on impulse, only to have them pushed apart even farther than before by his strong hands. once he gets to the hem of the slip, he throws your dagger somewhere on the stone floor - neither of you pay any heed to where it clatters - and rips it apart with his bare hands, hardly able to bear not feeling you around him for much longer.

before you can do anything or say anything or even think anything at all, your lover surges forward and presses himself back into you with a grunt that sounds almost like a growl. his hands knead at your thighs as he finds his rhythm with ease, pounding into you with practice as if you’re an art medium and he’s a skilled master. he’s everywhere, all around you and inside of you and in the air and in your skin, and it’s all you’ve ever wanted.

“touching - ha - touching you enough now?” he asks, resolve crumbling bit by bit as he fights to keep himself from tumbling over the cliff’s edge before you do. you can’t dignify him with a response, unable to do anything but claw at his back and pin yourself further against his chest as if it’ll make even more room for you in his heart than there already is. he doesn’t need a response, anyways. jeno already knows.

he knows just how close you are, too. just as close as he is. it’s because of this that jeno moves a hand up to curl around your throat just as he circles your clit with two fingers of the other hand, continuing to fuck into you at the same rate as best he can. with a sharp cry and the arching of your back off the bed, you clench around him for one final time before he comes to a halt, barely holding himself up over you as he releases within you with a shuddering, gasping groan.

moments pass, stretching into longer than they typically are. jeno takes care as he slides out of you, climbing onto the bed and flopping down next to you right after. the feeling of his release, sticky and wet against your inner thighs, is unpleasant at best, but you can’t bring yourself to clean up just yet. instead, you turn your head to your side, your nose immediately brushing against jeno’s sternum as you realize that he’s turned his entire body towards your own. he lets out an airy laugh at the sensation, pushing half of the sliced cloth off of your body in order to run a wide open palm down your naked side.

“good?” he speaks first, asking an arbitrary question. ‘good enough to make you forget?’ is what he means, knowing full well that you could never lose thought of what awaits the two of you. the sentiment is what’s important, though, and you let out an agreeable hum as a reply. the sex itself was great, of course. he’s well aware.

“sleep, lionheart,” you say just as silence attempts to cloak the two of you. “we must be ready soon, as it is.”

jeno gives you no response, and you do not require one from him. instead, he pulls you even closer into his chest as if doing so will protect you from the crithagians across your kingdom. his entire world rests between his arms. you are both tired enough that sleep forces your eyelids closed swifter than expected, and as you fall asleep to your lover’s slowed breathing and muted heartbeat, you can’t help but, just this once, allow your worries to slip off your body as your torn nightgown does.

just before the rise of the sun, jeno will have to get out of bed and clean you up as best he can before donning his clothing, his armor, and his cape. you’ll put his helmet upon his head, pull his visor down over his face after sharing a kiss that could be your last. it is always like this. jeno will rouse the army, you will dress and arm yourself, and meet with your own private troops.

as the sun begins to take its place in the morning sky, luckily opposite your gaze, jeno will lead his people into battle, riding his steed far, far from you. you will watch him go, but he will not look back. doing so is unfortunate luck at best. you’ve ingrained this into his mind.

you do not know whether he will be back or not.

you desperately need him to come back.

all of that will happen in due time, but now, you drift to dreamland, safe in the arms of the man you’ve sworn to be with until the end. he tightens his hold around you, and that is how you spend the night before battle, in total comfort and full of love. no matter what tomorrow brings, at least you have this now. at least you will always have this moment.

the lionheart and his liege. your lionheart and his love.

for now, you are at peace in the calm before the storm.

#first #five #tags #dont #work #jeno #jeno smut #jeno fluff #jeno angst #jeno x reader #nct jeno #nct smut #nct fluff #nct angst #nct dream smut #nct dream angst #nct dream fluff #nct dream

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sewercentipede · 3 years

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potentially, I mean I’m autistic and often get sensory overload in too loud and crowded places. have you considered getting evaluated for autism? it’s pretty common for girls to not be diagnosed until later on in adult life bc autism manifests differently in girls than boys, the symptoms of which are more well known and easier to identify tbh

yeah that makes sense v much. apparently girls are better at masking symptoms than boys and it results in brain differences btwn autistic females and autistic males, which Is a whole thing I could rant about. plus medical misogyny makes most things harder to diagnose for women (unless they’re bpd histrionic or narcissistic personality disorder, women get overdiagnosed w those).

ive never been screened for autism but im starting to wonder if i should get screened. i do have adhd - and idk if sensory overload is part of that? makes sense that it would be. i also have very specific textural/sensory issues, like i absolutely can’t stand certain textures in my mouth or on my skin, or being touched by other ppl, and my sense of taste and smell is extremely strong n makes normal things taste or smell rlly specifc in gross ways n I can taste if things have slightly gone bad so with all that plus the texture issues it makes me a rlly picky eater. Or like. the thought of eating with a spoon and using my teeth on the spoon makes me fucking ... I’d say cringe but it s worse than cringe . as a child I used to not be able to drink from a cup on the same spot more than once so I’d have to rotate the cup for every sip. Like weird shit

i have a rlly short fuse as well when I’m overwhelmed with too much stimuli or emotion, n when that happens I can’t express it coherently, like, I become monkey and can’t for.m sentences lol.

but the thing is , socially, I’m totally fine. like in person, aside from having social anxiety n shyness, I’m above average in emotional intelligence and good at things like reading body language n facial expressions, making eye contact, interpreting tone of voice, sarcasm , figurative speech, n jokes etc. soemtiems I’m attuned to ppl to the point of distress tbh bc ppl ooze emotional energy without realizing it and it makes me feel it too n it’s like information overload but emotionally. but ya i have no problem socially otherwise

i fixate but in an OCD (obsessive worrying) way not in an enjoyable way where u like know a lot about a topic which is the stereotypical autistic thing (well except when I used to be weirdly obsessed with Nikola Tesla n knew everything about him. But these seem like coincidences).

ya idk. Sorry for the life story. either way getting screened might be helpful. It could be my sensory issues with sounds and smells and textures and tastes are simply due to other things I have, like adhd and anxiety disorders

I don’t have a great understanding of autism spectrum disorder so forgive me and correct me if some what I’ve brought up is not relevant or not based on what autism is like.

#thnx for the response 💗#autism

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sparklingpax · 3 years

Text

A Different Side (2/2)

Summary: Optimus comes back from an unsuccessful mission and seems to be out of sorts…but there’s more to that story.

///

A/N:

-Part 1 arguably where I should have ended it :’)

-Literally been a year and I apologize so hard sdjdj ;w; also this part is too long asfsksdjfl aaa

-BEFORE YOU ATTACK ME, this is not “the first time optimus ever makes a joke!!!” kind of story, despite how much it looks like that. It’s just. something,,,

-as usual, there are definitely typos and mistakes; hopefully I get around to fixing them aha ^^’’ Also please don’t mind the weird spacing, for some reason the way I type things out never seems to translate well to when I put it here so,,,

-please I’m literally not funny, my humor is broken 😀 Like, I didn’t quite know how to continue or conclude this, and it’s not creative or interesting at all and it highkey doesn’t make sense tbh?? so aaa qwq I just hope it’s not too cringe,,,,but I did say I’d finish it so rather than keep y’all waiting any longer than I already have, here it is....part 2....

-I just. wanna apologize again that it took so long and this scrappy second bit is all I have to show for it. hh.

///

“At last…” Ratchet sighed contentedly to himself.

He carefully placed two pieces of metal together and wielded them to one smooth shape.

Stepping back to admire his work, smiling a little, he then picked it up and started towards the supply room.

After a long day of work, Ratchet was pleased to finally be able to place the repaired tool back on its shelf and retreat to his room for a few hours of quiet reading.

Maybe three at the very most, he wagered his bet with a slight grimace.

After all, it was commonplace for commotion to interrupt his every attempt to enjoy himself quietly.

Such is my fate.

However, hearing a familiar set of footsteps thumping slowly down the halls, Ratchet paused.

“Optimus? Is that you?”

He leaned to the side and peered down the hall.

Said mech emerged from the corridor and into the medic’s view. He had a funny look in his eye as he came to a stop quite abruptly.

He placed his hands on his hips and regarded Ratchet for a strange few moments of….awkward silence…before speaking.

“Ratchet,” his voice tremored almost imperceptibly, “Would you consider me…humorous?”

The medic blinked at him. He was officially more confused.

He had been just about to ask what had happened to upset him so much earlier, or if there was anything he wanted to talk about, one-on-one.

After all, from time to time, Optimus would reach a point where he could no longer bear whatever was troubling him. And of course, Ratchet was right there for him, ready to listen and help. In the end, he was able to get Optimus to say what was troubling him, and they would talk about it or they wouldn’t. But something about the way Optimus walked away each time told Ratchet he’d done at least something to help.

“…Ratchet?” Optimus prompted him gently, eyes showing a little concern.

Scrap, I still haven’t answered his question—Ratchet, focus!

Still, the thought drifted through the recesses of his mind: had Optimus…not been upset in the first place?

If so...what had it been all about?

Or was he simply reading too much into it?

At a loss as to how to answer, the medic fumbled for a word to say in response.

He actually didn’t know, now that he thought about it.

Optimus—or Orion, even—had never really attempted to be funny before as far as Ratchet knew...which Ratchet was well aware that he didn’t know everything. It couldn’t be a yes or no. Of course, there were moments Orion was humorous, everyone has their moments.

No, he means funny—as in, on a regular basis, as something part of his personality, even. And to that....

A more appropriate response was ‘why?’

But Ratchet knew better than to snark at Optimus like that. It was uncalled for, at the moment.

Perhaps Megatron would be more likely to know.

After all, it had been him Orion had spent the most time with back in those days.

As if I could just call him and ask!

“W-well, Optimus, I wouldn’t really know that!” Ratchet paused, feeling slightly guilty for his tone of voice just then. “You’ve never tried to be…that I knew of, anyway…”

Optimus just nodded slowly. That weird glint in his optics remained. It hit him that something seemed….different. Like the Prime was planning on...doing something.

Just then, footsteps alerted the two of Jack’s arrival. He came into view, leaning against the wall and panting. He pointed wordlessly at Optimus for a second, trying to catch his breath. Ratchet stared at him, somehow growing more confused as the seconds passed. Then, finally, Jack straightened, managing to say what he’d wanted to.

“Optimus was…not upset…”

“What?!” Ratchet practically squawked. “What?!”

Optimus glanced from Jack to Ratchet, looking surprised for all of a moment, then simply nodded. Just then, Arcee, Bumblebee, and Bulkhead returned to base. Their engines could be heard from all the way down the corridor. They skidded to a halt in front of Optimus and Ratchet, transforming a backing up a bit.

“Oh no,” Bulkhead murmured to his teammates. “Cue pissed-off Ratchet.”

And pissed Ratchet was.

He had been worried for his friend.

“Wh—then—why on earth did you go off to your room in such a huff?!” The medic exclaimed, setting down the newly-repaired tool not-so-gently.

“That is—”

“AND WHY WOULDN’T YOU OPEN THE DOOR?!”

“I—”

Just as Optimus was about to answer, a proximity alarm went off. Everyone gathered wordlessly around the main computer screen as Ratchet pulled up the video feed. He rolled his optics, sighing heavily.

Instantly everyone knew it could only be Agent Fowler.

Jack took this opportunity to attempt to get Optimus’s attention and pull him aside for a second. He waved and whispered the Prime’s name.

When Optimus finally heard him, he departed from the group and made his way over to Jack, kneeling down when the human motioned for it.

“Hey, Optimus,” Jack started, a bit awkwardly. “Sorry—uh……so....I saw what you were watching…”

“Oh…” Optimus instantly looked kind of embarrassed. “Well, I was….admittedly….curious.”

Jack tilted his head.

In the background, their liaison to the government was shouting something about Bumblebee and a burger joint parking lot, to which Ratchet was defending his teammate and annoyedly asking how it could be his fault or problem.

“After yesterday,” Optimus began to elaborate quietly, “Miko said...something to Ratchet. It dawned on me that Earth humor is much different from Cybertronian humor—which, in honesty, I never knew much about anyway.”

“You mean when she yelled ‘in this world, it’s yeet or be yeeted’ to Ratchet after he asked why Bulkhead decided to throw that guy he was fighting?”

“Yes.”

“So…” Jack sighed. He looked so confused. “You looked up vines?”

“No, Jack,” Optimus responded rather seriously. “I used the Google Engine program you children seem to enjoy so much—”

Enjoy…not when you have friends like mine, Optimus. I’ve seen some things...

“—to find the meaning of ‘yeet.’ Through my research, I came across the concept you humans refer to as…” his optics flicked to the ceiling for a second as he held up a hand and air-spelled the word, trying to remember the pronunciation. “…Memes.”

“You…you found memes?” Jack repeated, as if he couldn’t process this.

“Yes, Jack,” Optimus affirmed, looking very pleased with himself. He had that same sparkle as when he watched his teammates laugh, when he was tired but relieved everyone returned from a mission alive.

Except. It was for memes he found. On the internet.

Jack was about to ask another question when Optimus abruptly stood up again. He put a finger against his lip in a shushing motion, smirking ever so slightly. A twinkle in his eye told Jack all he needed to know.

“O-Optimus, which videos did you exactly—”

“Vine is no longer dead!!” Optimus whispered a little too excitedly.

And then he winked.

“This is a dream,” Jack murmured in disbelief as he heard Optimus walk away.

He was apparently going to try to make vine jokes.

Jack knew it would be hilarious, but he was also worried for the Prime’s dignity.

Oh, Lord.

///

“Oh, YOU want to hang up on ME?!”

“THAT’S DAMN RIGHT,” Ratchet hollered back, “YOU CAN TAKE YOUR COMPLAINTS AND SHOVE THEM UP YOUR—”

‘Ratchet!!!’ Bumblebee cut in, looking rather uneasy. He hated it when people were shouting at each other like that.

The medic whipped around and Bumblebee flinched a bit. The older mech was fuming.

He had been in a generally awful mood after the events of the day, and as the seconds of silence passed, he realized just how angry he was—or at least, how he seemed to everyone else.

Can’t vent frustrations like this, Ratchet—you have to talk it out. He stared back up at the computer screen and watched Agent Fowler straighten his tie as he started up again.

“Now you listen to me, Ratchet. Neither I—nor my superiors—will tolerate your—”

Ratchet decided he’d had enough of dealing with others’ foul moods, because they were only making him even more upset.

“Agent Fowler, I’m frankly not the bot you want to talk to right now. These are not my doings, you in fact have no qualms with me. All you do is call us up and gripe at us, and no one here appreciates it,” he hissed at him, having toned his voice down to a mild stern one.

“HEY!! DON’T YOU DARE—”

“Goodbye.”

And with a simple tap, the base fell silent again.

“Well….that’s that,” Arcee said.

“Yup,” Bulkhead agreed.

‘Why is Fowler so aggressive all the time?’ Bumblebee buzzed, annoyed. Arcee shifted her weight and shrugged.

“He wants what’s best for humans, and he’s concerned for the planet. I mean, yeah--he has the right to tell us to be careful and all,” she made her guess. Then her optic twitched as she, too began to look rather irked. “But he’s so….”

“Insufferably rude,” Ratchet finished for her. Arcee nodded.

‘And…loud.’

After a moment of attempting to compose himself, Ratchet turned to Optimus, who had discreetly drawn up beside them.

The medic was about to ask him what the scrap he’d been doing and why he left Ratchet to fight with Agent Fowler on his own. It was usually Optimus who took the calls, and that’s why there wasn’t always an argument like this. Fowler would yell at Optimus, but not for long.

They had some kind of interesting mutual respect for one another. Of course, all the bots respected Fowler—even when he was being overly aggressive—but Optimus seemed to even get along with the government agent in a special way.

Even more of a reason he should have been the one to talk to him.

So, Ratchet was annoyed. Or he was.

It was then he noticed the grin on his leader’s face. His first question was understandably, why.

Before Ratchet could speak, Optimus put up one digit and tapped it against his lips, as if to signal for quiet.

“I apologize,” he said solemnly, leaning a bit closer to Ratchet. The medic felt his spark begin to pound, and was sure that some color was heading to his face. He swallowed.

“That’s alright….but, uhm…what were you doing instead?”

“I was discussing with Jack a rather important finding…” he responded quietly. Ratchet tilted his head at Optimus.

Arcee and Bulkhead exchanged confused looks. Bumblebee debated leaving the room or asking what exactly he was talking about.

It was at that moment, Optimus bit his lip, visibly trying to hard not to laugh. He then took a shaky breath and stood straight.

“Ratchet, I have but one question.”

Tentatively, Ratchet moved the conversation forward.

“…yes?”

Optimus pointed to his tools lying on the metal surface behind the two, and with the most level tone, spoke.

“...What are thoooooose?”

There was silence before Ratchet slowly and rather confusedly glanced back at the desk. He answered Optimus just as slowly.

“They’re.....my…reparation tools….”

And with that, Jack lost it laughing so hard from the corner. Optimus looked on the verge of bursting into laughter himself.

But Ratchet wasn’t laughing. He just stood, blank.

Very quickly, Optimus realized no one else was laughing either—except for Jack, of course—because they also looked like they were trying to process this.

He felt a pang of worry.

Even if gradually, Optimus had been hoping for a long while that he could show his teammates that Primes do laugh, lose their cool, cry, and party. It was a silly notion, he would often chide himself. Nonetheless…it was a hope.

After all, it was the only reason he had gone to the Google Engine and decided to try and figure out what exactly humor entailed.

But…I might have approached this incorrectly.

Now looking just a little annoyed, Ratchet backed up and picked up his tools. He had no idea what had just happened and wanted some time alone in his quarters.

Optimus gently grabbed his shoulder, causing him to stop and look at him again. The Autobot leader looked rather abashed, obviously regretting the last five minutes of his existence.

In the background, Jack had gone over to the other Autobots and started explaining what had happened, the vines, the context of what Optimus had just pulled…

“I…apologize, Ratchet…” Optimus looked away for a moment. “It seems I…lack the ability of timing…”

Ratchet blinked a few times, then setting down the tools, he sighed.

“Optimus…”

“I know now that it is not my place to attempt humor.” He looked quite sad, but at the same time, resigned to it. Ratchet was about to tell Optimus that not everyone was cut out for everything, and that he was rather amusing in his own way.

But he was interrupted for a second time by laughter. Ratchet and Optimus instead turned to see behind them, the other three team members absolutely losing it.

Optimus was taken aback.

He wondered briefly if they were laughing at how pitiful his attempt at humor had been. Then Bumblebee spoke up.

‘Jack just told us what that actually meant!’

“Yeah!” Bulkhead chimed in. “And now I wanna know what vines are!”

Arcee, giggling, added, “Yeah, and what crocs are.”

Ratchet felt Optimus next to him, struggling to contain his pride, and himself began to laugh. At this, Optimus let a little of that joy show, smiling and standing straight again.

What a funny thing to be proud of…

But, then again, that had been the Prime’s intent.

///

*dies* I’m sorry I even wrote this please forgive me--

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veliseraptor · 3 years

Note

So this is in NO WAY PRESSURING, get to this whenever you're bored and have nothing better to do, but I (have still not watched The Untamed) would love to hear any disorganized rambles around your fic 'Punitive Measures', like your thoughts while writing it, how you view Xue Yang's fight/flight/freeze instinct, and/or where you would take the plot if you ever came back to it (again, not pressuring, I'm not asking for a sequel, I'm asking for director's commentary. Also I know the mysterious flute was implying Wei Wuxian, I know that much and not much more.) It's a really fun, quick fic that I enjoy reading through while I keep circling around your longer, more intimidating stories. I aspire to write like you.

oh boy, well, I don't know that I ever have nothing to do but here I am answering this ask anyway, because I like talking about my fic even if I get self-conscious about it.

this entire fic falls solidly into the genre of fic I write that is legitimately just “I’m gonna fuck up this character I love because it’ll be fun and I love to do that” and then just kinda...went for it. actually harder than I was initially planning! my vague sense of what I was going to do with this fic didn’t have Xue Yang down an eye at the end of it.

but when inspiration strikes, what’s a girl to do, etc.

I actually thought recently about writing a sequel to this fic (or, well, continuing into the AU it started, more like) because the concept of Wei Wuxian and Xue Yang being bloodthirsty vengeance brethren is a very good one for me, personally, and at the point their paths would be intersecting in this AU a more plausible one than it would be at pretty much any other time (I would argue, at least in CQLverse). And that’s where I think this would be going. Because Xue Yang would see Wei Wuxian, in his bloodiest frame of mind, powered up with a gorgeous flute of bad vibes and go “fuck yes” even if he wasn’t in a place where he really needed the help.

The question I had was whether Wei Wuxian would be interested in accepting company, and I feel like Xue Yang on that front could be convincing. And the way that the latter would both enable and egg on all the former’s darkest fantasies and impulses...I’m just saying, Wen Chao and everyone he has ever known is in for a very bad time, possibly even worse than they already were.

I invite you to picture in this AU the part where Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji find not just darker and edgier Wei Wuxian at the end of their scavenger hunt but darker and edgier Wei Wuxian with a friend. A familiar friend! Now down an eye and practically picking his teeth with Wen Chao’s finger bones. :D

since you asked for disorganized rambling I went back to reread and I’ll give you some director’s commentary on a few things

And he’d kind of hoped Wen Ruohan would be too busy figuring out how to deal with his brewing war to dedicate much attention to looking for one absent retainer. And even if he did, Xue Yang had sort of figured that finding him would fall to Wen Chao, who’d probably struggle to find his own ass with two hands.

kicking off this director’s commentary with Xue Yang’s brutal assessment of the competency of Wen Chao.

tbh one of my favorite things about CQL’s involving Xue Yang in the whole Sunshot storyline, despite the merry hell it plays with timeline stuff later, is how obviously little regard Xue Yang has for the Wens, even when they’re at the height of their power. He shows Wen Ruohan himself very little respect, and I can’t imagine anyone else getting more (except maybe Wen Qing, because Wen Qing is competent and if nothing else Xue Yang can respect competency).

and he just like. ditches them. walks out! promises to deliver very powerful magical artifact, and then gets what he wants and is like “smell ya later, peace” and they never catch him.

that’s just a kind of gutsiness and casual disregard for very powerful people that I really both love and respect about Xue Yang. and also that he has in common with Xiao Xingchen, tbh. and Song Lan (though him I think to a slightly lesser degree, partly because he has a little more tact and sense of societal norms as something relevant to be thinking about)! they can all vibe on that.

They took Jiangzai. Well. One of the Wen disciples took Jiangzai in the stomach and Xue Yang didn’t get it back.

this isn’t an important line or anything. I just like it a lot.

Wen Chao gestured again and he went down in a hail of fists and feet. Xue Yang tucked his chin down to protect his throat, curled his hands into his chest, and drew up his knees to guard his stomach.

He knew how this worked. Sure, it’d been a while since someone had beat him like this, but the lessons stuck. It was almost boring, really. If Wen Chao was going to play torture games then he could at least do Xue Yang the favor of trying to be creative.

He checked out the part of his brain that registered pain as anything other than a thing that was happening and focused instead on opportunities. Weaknesses in his assailants. Escape routes. Getting away would be the first thing. Nice if he could take a piece of Wen Chao with him on the way out - arm, or maybe even a head - but the priority was freedom and survival.

okay, this I feel like cuts into some of what you were talking about regarding Xue Yang’s fight/flight instinct, and also a lot of what if, I was feeling pretentious, I feel like this fic is digging into on a level under “what if I just tortured Xue Yang a whole bunch,” which is something about the relationship Xue Yang has to (a) pain and (b) his own body. Specifically, the relative indifference he has toward both. Or...not indifference, exactly, because it’s not like he’s enjoying himself, it still hurts. It’s just...expected.

unremarkable.

which is a lot of what I was trying to convey with Xue Yang’s narration during the whole torture sequence, with the commentary on methodology and how things are mundane or boring, because the suffering itself is mundane! as far as Xue Yang is concerned that’s exactly what suffering is! other peoples’, for sure, which is part of why it doesn’t matter, but also his own.

the world hurts and that’s just how it is and you learn how to cope with that. pain as...a thing that [is] happening.

I also, since you mentioned the fight/flight instinct, think a lot about how Xue Yang is, while he’s very proud and very stubborn, absolutely not someone to pick fights (in general) that he knows he can’t win. Xue Yang will almost always be on the side of “run and come back another day” over “stand and fight when all is lost.” survival, first and foremost.

which feeds into the weird paradox that I kind of hint toward at the end of this fic about Xue Yang as someone who has a definite death drive, who is profoundly obsessed with his own death in a lot of ways, and simultaneously is attached to staying alive above pretty much all else.

“Snap and snarl all you want,” he said. “You’re not going anywhere. And the only part of you I need intact is your tongue, so you can tell me where you hid the Yin Metal you promised. Everything else is optional.”

A prickle of fear rolled down Xue Yang’s spine and he flicked it away, baring his teeth.

I actually do think that, even before they get around to hand-specific trauma, permanent mutilation is one of those things that still scares Xue Yang. which is a short list! there isn’t much that actually either gets to or scares him, but I think the prospect of (further) mutilation does, because I think Xue Yang is very...acutely aware of the fact that his physical capability is a major factor in what has kept him alive and what, in all likelihood, is going to keep him alive moving forward. anything that threatens that capability, that limits him in terms of strength or mobility or otherwise has a disabling effect, is consequently going to be a short road to death, and Xue Yang would much rather die painfully fighting than die as a consequence of not being able to take care of himself.

for Xue Yang, the idea of a return to the kind of helplessness that is tied to his trauma is one of the worst possible prospects to contemplate. in my head this is exacerbated further by the fact that I figure Xue Yang didn’t get much if any medical care post hand incident, meaning that the recovery period was absolutely nightmarish and a whole stretch of time beyond the event itself where Xue Yang was struggling to survive because he’d been damaged.

in some ways I think that period of time probably did more to shape Xue Yang than the moment itself.

Wen Chao grabbed one of the branding irons from a disciple’s belt and pressed it to his stomach. That hurt. More. He clamped his back teeth together so he didn’t make any sound, absorbed the burn, owned it. His. You only hurt if you were alive. And anything you survived made you stronger.

Not that this was actually going to make him stronger. It was probably just going to make him dead. But then again, the worse this went the more resentment he’d have built up. He could use that. Would.

Dead didn’t have to mean finished.

obviously this is pulled almost direct from what Wei Wuxian himself says to Wen Chao. deliberate echoes based on character parallels! we love those.

and yeah, again here about Xue Yang and his relationship to pain, but in a less mundane way this time where it’s about pain as a tool, pain as something he can use. which is another thing about coping, I think - when pain and suffering are a regular part of your life, one way to deal with that can be to convert it into having some kind of purpose or benefit.

which in this case it definitely can. Xue Yang is definitely someone who, I think, has thought a lot about trying to arrange it so he becomes a ghost after he dies. or at least has thought a lot about what he’d do after dying to the person who killed him.

and when you’re a necromancer by trade death really isn’t the end of the line anymore, just the start of a something new. Xue Yang’s relationship to life itself: about as jacked up as his relationships in general.

He felt the snap of bone in his teeth. Pain shooting up the side of his hand, all the way to his wrist, and Xue Yang couldn’t keep himself still enough not to try to wrench himself away. He swallowed his scream and turned it into a laugh. It was funny, wasn’t it? Funny, that he was back here, again. It wasn’t as bad, though. He knew how to take pain, how to breathe it in, make it part of himself, later turn it outwards magnified tenfold. They were old friends. Practically lovers.

two things here:

1. the thread throughout this fic of Xue Yang making things funny so he can deal with them, here brought to you by reliving trauma! because it’s funny! right? laugh about it! just fucking hilarious.

I have a thing about characters basically deciding for themselves to make very unfunny situations funny because it makes them less awful.

2. and look, now he can deal with it better this time! he’s Learned. :) :) :)

Everything splintered. Splintered like bones under a wheel, and first thing he tried to struggle to get away but that just hurt worse and then old old old instincts kicked in and he went still, limp, dead.

“Did he faint?”

Someone nudged him with their foot. One part of him roared to grab that foot and rip it off along with the leg it was attached to. Immediately the same thing that’d made him play dead told him to wait.

at an end point where fighting is impossible and running is also impossible, the only thing left to do is play dead and wait it out. this is very much, in my head, a reversion to a tactic Xue Yang hasn’t used in a very long time and does not want to be using now, because it is absolutely the recourse of the extraordinarily helpless with no way out.

which he has been! and is now, but he really really really doesn’t want to be. Xue Yang has built his life around not being that, ever again.

but here it’s not a move he makes planning to turn it around the way he does, not at first. he gets there, but when he first does it I think it is literally just instinct that goes enough is enough and shuts down.

Wen Chao, Wen Chao, Xue Yang thought. My body’s going to give out before I do.

someone should remind me at some point maybe (or not) to write something coherent about my Xue Yang vs. his own body thoughts. specifically the way that, while Xue Yang is very physical and very grounded, I think he has a somewhat antagonistic relationship with his own body, actually. not completely! he definitely respects what it can do for him! but I think he also treats it a little as a slightly separate entity that’s capable of betraying him rather than as a fully integrated part of himself.

not always! but it’s a little bit there. this idea that sometimes his body, and its capacity to be hurt or damaged, is a weakness that he’d like to be able to forgo entirely, if only it wouldn’t mean losing all the good things about having a body. and that’s present here in this line, for me, where he thinks about himself and his body as slightly separate, and his body as something weaker than its Xue Yang core.

#hope that was enough rambling for you anon jesus christ #confessions of a frustrated writer #i don't even know what to tag this #anonymous #conversating

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kishimoto-did-us-dirty · 4 years

Text

Naruto Characters and Quarantine (Part 1)

Naruto characters x reader during quarantine

warnings: none

rating: K+

includes: konoha 12, sand siblings

Authors Notes: These are centered on the idea that the two of you are adults who don’t live or work together.

part 2, mayhaps?? anyone want that?? 👀

Anywho, enjoyyyy~

also, remember, these guys are shinobi. they gotta stay healthy, which is what I kept in mind when writing a lot of these.

Naruto

- totally ignores social distancing rules to come and see you

- he just has to, he doesn’t know what he would do if he didn’t :( probably die of y/n-deprivation

- this boy will not care at all about social distancing if none of you or any of your loved ones are at greater risk

- will sneak into your apartment and spends nights cuddling with you to get through his restlessness of not being able to go outside as much

- will bring you food and do your grocery shopping for you 100% if you or those around you are at a higher risk and can’t do it yourself

- just don’t expect your groceries to be 100% what you asked for

- “How was I supposed to know that Nesquik doesn’t count as a seasoning!?”

Sasuke

- non-massacre au

- another rule breaker

- just to a lesser degree

- he’s definitely gonna come see you whenever he wants, he just won’t do as much touching

- like, if you two are watching a movie together, you’re sitting on opposite sides of the sofa

- which honestly he was fine with at first, but then he realized he’s a little something called.... ✨touch starved✨

- and is now having a hard time not touching you as much as he wants

- he gradually gets more touchy overtime but still always insists on sanitizing afterwards

- he still won’t do more than a peck tho. he would absolutely hate it if you got sick bc of him.

- he also brought you a shit ton of toilet paper at the beginning of quarantine because he was worried you wouldn’t have any and it was the last batch he saw

- it’s his form of romance

Sakura

- at first she was totally all for the rules

- you two kept six feet apart with masks on at all times

- but very gradually and unconsciously... that changed lol

- she started to completely forget about the rules as it went on and would just randomly grab your arm or hug you out of excitement without even realizing it

- eventually she resorts to touching but with very strong precautions

- you both will sanitize, brush your teeth, wipe down areas, etc. as soon as you’re done hanging out

Shikamaru

- 50/50 with him

- he doesn’t care so much so as to stop seeing you and won’t wear a mask around you

- but if you try to kiss him he goes “you know we can’t do that right now.”

- will grab your hands and play with them and everything

- and may occasionally cuddle

- but he’s not going to do it as much as usual

- you two mainly just nap together

- but now you guys are napping with a couple feet between you

- again, these guys are shinobi. they gotta stay healthy and he knows that. he can’t prioritize kissing you over being the village’s strategic backbone and he needs you to understand that, too.

Choji

- my baby boy :(

- he tries so hard

- he really does

- but he just has to be around you

- he won't risk any health precautions and will still keep distance

- but he will always find ways to spend time with you while staying six feet apart

- expect a lot of social distancing picnics and food dates

- will 1000% bring you food if you need any

- he will also gladly buy you masks, sanitizer, wipes, etc. if you need it

Ino

- Ino isn’t as frivolous as many people in the fandom depict her

- She has a good head on her shoulders

- She may be a hopeless romantic, but she isn’t stupid and knows she has a job at the hospital

- She basically just like Sakura except a little more feisty

- will yell at you if you don’t socially distance well enough

- but will also snuggle you if she knows she has some sanitizer on hand to use afterwards

- ultimately, she knows she has to prioritize your guys’ health

Kiba

- not a total rule breaker

- he’s just like a kicked puppy tbh

- will always use his nose to sniff out sickness on you when you’re not looking (you know how like some dogs can?)

- will gives you hugs and look after you

- but he, too, will keep social distancing

- I could see him just grabbing your shoulders after a distanced hang out and just gently rubbing your shoulders from an arm’s length bc he knows he can’t get any closer

- but he does break the rules sometimes

- he’s snuck in a few kisses here and there

- Akamaru always barks at him for this though

Shino

- I love him so much

- but he ain’t breaking the rules

- he’s definitely going to social distance from you, bc him getting sick means his whole colony gets sick

- and he needs to keep himself healthy

- not to mention, if you got sick?

- he can’t even stand the thought

- he’ll just watch you do your thing from a good 6-7 feet apart and hope for everything to end soom

- he also puts a bug on you without telling you that’ll track your health

- that way he knows when you’re sick or not

Hinata

- I headcanon Hinata as being a bit of a security freak tbh

- not in the sense that anything’s wrong with her

- but she has to check that the doors leading into the house are all locked before going to bed, always stocked up with medical supplies in case of emergency, having extra face masks on her just in case, etc.

- small and quiet but still very safe

- she just likes to keep her distance and maintain safety

- she lives in a compound so any spread within it will likely extend to a few other people within her clan

- so she likes to stay distant

- but she really loves social distancing dates :)

- things like picnics, outdoor movies and training sessions!

- definitely makes you a lot of food and small gifts to make up for the lack of touch

Neji

- another rule-follower

- I mean what did you expect

- he just really doesn’t want you or anyone else getting sick because of reckless actions

- will 100% sanitize everything for you before and after you use it if you guys are out in public

- he claims it’s because you just won’t do it right

- but really it’s just because he cares

- kissed you a total of 3 times and felt a little guilty after the third since it was right after he came back from a mission and he hadn’t cleaned himself off yet

Lee

- follows the rules almost too well

- makes sure that you both are six feet apart at literally all times and might as well measure as much considering how dedicated he is to it

- HE’S HELLA DRAMATIC ABOUT IT ALL THOUGH

- EACH TIME HE REALIZES HE CAN’T HUG YOU BRINGS ON A NEW WAVE OF PASSIONATE TEARS

- he just cries a lot about it and really wishes things weren’t like this

- will often go grocery shopping with you bc he buys groceries for his elderly neighbors who are at a greater risk so they don’t have to go out (awwww)

- he will get very upset when he sees people outside without masks on when it’s things like that that make the virus keep spreading and thus keeping him from you for even longer :(

Tenten

- honestly I think she’s really casual about the whole thing

- always wears and mask and sanitizes everything, yeah

- but she gives you hugs and kisses just fine

- but only in private

- and she won’t be cuddling

- she just keeps her distance but still gives affection

- the type to get angry if you aren’t being safe enough

- like if you go to a party with multiple people there?

- she’ll scold you 100%

Gaara

- Gaara would have to social distance as kazekage

- he’s not allowed to run the risk since it’s public knowledge you aren’t living together

- this makes having private moments very difficult

- and he has to set a proper example for his citizens

- it’ll also be a large political scandal only worsened by his political opposers if he were to be caught not social distancing

- also if he got sick then that would leave the village susceptible to enemies who would take advantage of his vulnerability and attack

- but you two still do things together

- water cacti, discuss political events, watch over the village, etc.

- he gave you a cute succulent to look after while he’s not there as much

Kankuro

- similar to Gaara, as his brother, it wouldn’t look very good if he was caught disobeying the rules

- he’s pretty mature about it but will have private moments with you when you’re alone

- he doesn’t care so much about keeping 6 ft apart when you two are alone

- he just won’t go overboard

- just some handholding, hand kisses, and just petting in general

- when quarantine ends though, he’s all over you omg

- you’re the first person he comes to see and will hold you so tight

Temari

- angry love

- will personally bark orders at you about proper safety precautions

- your mask never has to worry about being on improperly when temari is around

- you can see her blush underneath her mask though

- despite her tough exterior, it’s visible just how sad she is

- Temari is tough but she thrives off of being around the people she loves

- not being able to be truly with you really makes her depressed for a while

- even offered to have you moved into the kazekage family house with them so you didn’t have to socially distance at home anymore

- takes every precaution she can with herself and those around her so this can end faster and she can be with you again

THAT’S ALL! SORRY THEY LOWKEY SUCKED! MAYBE A PART 2 IF REQUESTED ENOUGH???

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queersturbate · 3 years

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watching the netflix adaptation of death note is the opposite of a religious experience here's some parts/elements that are permanently stuck in my head

- the names. the names. The Names. What The Fuck Is A Light Turner. "We wanted to make it more american" JAPANESE AMERICANS EXIST YOU FUCKING WEIRDOS. Keep The Names how they are and fucking hire japanese-american actors.

- where the fuck is Sayu

- the character misa amane doesn't exist. if you've heard of "mia sutton" and think that it's misa, it's not. apparently the character mia is based off of manga/anime!Light Yagami. im not joking. There's Light Turner then they wanted a "psychopathic" character and created Mia based off of anime!Light

- They made everyone white except for the white british character, Watari, they made him japanese and the racial ambiguous character, L, black. I love those changes but why did they make everyone else white i fucking hate it

- Light Turner (tm) pronounces Ryuk as "rye-uk" and Ryuk then corrects him by appearing on his bed and says "hey kid it's pronounced ree-yook"

- L's name was changed for some reason too??? it's Lebensborn Atubia for...some reason...

- A huge fucking change is that if you write a name in the death note but burn/destroy the page before the person dies, they wont die at all. So you could control the actions of someone and they aren't guaranteed to die. i think that's bullshit and fucking boring and stupid. if that was a thing in the anime/manga Light would have won so quickly

- Light Turner is a fucking idiot. Like Actually. A fucking idiot.

- he has a real people scare me sticker in his locker

- Ryuk helps Light. and writes down names himself

- L and Light interact face to face about 2 times and i think L calls him like once. it's boring and stupid.

- LIGHT BASICALLY ADMITS TO BEING KIRA TO L "You just want to stop me. You just want to stop kira" AND MORE WHAT THE FUCK ?/!/?/&/!

- there's a chase scene between L and Light, very funny. L falls at the end of the shot and the camera cuts and he's up again. they didnt do a retake of the scene. hilarious.

- L's actor>>>>>>>>

- L is the only person who pronounces names correctly. Like pronounces Kira correctly with more of an L sound on the R, like they pronounce it in Japan. and pronounces Watari correct in the same way

- the rest of the characters pronounce Watari like "wah-tar-ee"

- Light kills Mia

- Mia tried to kill Light

- They name themselves Kira, trying to pin the blame on someone in Japan

- Where the fuck is the task force you fucking idiots. it's just James Turner. (yes they renamed Soichiro Yagami...James...Turner....)

- Light puts himself in a medically induced coma as he was controlling the actions of a doctor with the death note

- when he wakes up from his coma he tells his dad everything

- the last time L is seen is when he was about to write down a name in a scrap of paper from the death note, assuming it'll be Light's name

- Ryuk is a lame and boring tbh

- the Bullying Scene is so funny I cannot Express How Much I hate it. Here, because i literally cant explain it:

ill add more if i think of any but getting that recording literally burned my last brain cells alive

if you want to watch an actual good Death Note Live Action please watch the Japanese 2015 DN Drama here

#I FUCKING HATE THIS MOVIE #ONE COOL LINE WAS SAID AND IT WAS JUST BC IT WAS L'S LINE #ONE ACTUALLY FUNNY LINE WAS SAID TOO #I FUCKING H A T E THIS ADAPTATION #Death note #death note netflix #tw violence

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katierosefun · 2 years

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got through march in some shape or form, so once again . . . another list of media that i’ve somehow consumed to keep myself from going insane. (when i tell you making these lists for the last year or so has been one of my favorite things of the month . . . the urge to quietly categorize everything . . . )

kdrama:

soul mechanic

i’m pretty sure i started this show way back in september or october, but i finally got around to finishing it this month! and you know, while i have some issues with this kdrama, it had its genuinely touching moments. basically, this series is about a young singer with borderline personality disorder, han woo joo (jung so min). she’s bounced around between therapist to therapist when she meets the unconventional psychiatrist lee si joon (shin ha kyun), who has his own hurts he still needs to heal from. together, they learn how to heal and also move on with their lives.

my only complaint tbh is that pretty early in the show, han woo joo and lee si joon fall in love with each other. which isn’t that great, because i’m pretty sure it’s unethical to date your patient, but it gets mildly better as the show goes on (ie. si joon stops being woo joo’s doctor). i think it’s also telling that despite it’s pretty explicit that they’re in love with each other, i kind of forgot about that part of their relationship quickly, esp. after resuming this show. because tbh, this show seems much more concerned with telling the stories of those who are struggling in some way with mental illness or mental health in general. so despite my problems with the show, i enjoyed how this was perhaps the first show i’ve ever watched that actually treated patients suffering with mental illness with humanity. there’s no ridiculing, no condescension. there’s some moments that made me scratch my head because ehhh, i don’t think that’s good medical practice, but for the most part? i was more touched than offended during the course of the show. and more than anything, i really loved how strangely real han woo joo felt. when she’s on a high, she’s on a real high, but when she’s on a low, she’s on a real low--and what i liked about this show was that han woo joo remained lovable. it’s so easy to make characters with bpd seem like villains, but she just always seemed human.

so...would i recommend this show? i’m not entirely sure. it has its dragging moments, but it also has its happier moments. you could probably afford to skip around without losing too much of the plot, just because each episode (esp. the beginning half!) examines different patients of different mental illnesses + disabilities and etc. overall, i’m not sure if i would revisit it, but the soundtrack is nice, and the acting was great.

inspector koo

so this show was on my to watch list for months now, but at long last, i finally got around to watching it, and i’m so glad that i did. basically, this show is about a former inspector named koo kyung yi (lee young ae). after the death of her husband, she kind of spirals: playing computer games, becoming an alcoholic . . . this is a woman who’s walking a knife’s edge, but by god, she’s so much smarter than she lets on. when these murders start happening, her junior and friend na je hui (kwak sun young) convinces her to step back out into the world. and thus begins this game of cat and mouse, and it’s just so satisfying and so lovely because what i adored was that all the characters are a bit of a mess, and they’re all insanely lovable and relatable in some regard.

and the villain/antagonists! gosh, i can’t remember the last time a show had solid antagonists except for perhaps beyond evil--but inspector koo definitely had some insanely interesting antagonists, my favorite of course being song yi kyung (kim hye jun). the way her story just intertwined with koo kyung yi was so . . . much. and so good. i was obsessed with it.

anyways. this show was fantastic. incredibly satisfying, insanely smart, with a fab cast and fab writing and fab music. and it’s only 12 episodes, so it makes for a much easier watch than 16/20-ep kdramas.

sweet home

so, i only started watching this show because i learned that kim shin rok, who played oh ji hwa in beyond evil, has been casted for season 2 of this show. and you know, i liked this show more than i thought i would! based off the webtoon of the same name, sweet home is basically about a bunch of people stuck in an apartment building as humans start turning into monsters. they’re not exactly like zombies per say, in that no one really knows for sure how this change happens, and there seems to be different kinds of monsters (some of them look like spiders, others are weird blood suckers, etc etc).

the story mostly follows cha hyun soo (song kang), who you learn pretty early is one of those people who can turn into a monster, but he’s somehow got it mostly under control. the other survivors include eun hyuk (lee do hyun), a medical student who functions as the leader of the group--as well as his younger sister eun yoo (go min si). my personal favorites also include the down-to-earth bassist yoon ji soo (park gyu young) and the christian swordsman--yes, swordsman--jung jae heon (kim nam hee). the characters are all pretty interesting, and there’s this underlying theme about wanting to live, even if your life is pitiful (and even pitiful without the monsters :().

that said, though i enjoyed the series, massive trigger warnings for themes of suicide, self-harm, alcoholism, etc. and maybe skip watching if you’re not mentally in a good place right now, as it can get incredibly dark.

tv shows:

yellowjackets

. . . if i had a nickel for every time i watched a show about girls stranded in the wilderness and also had lesbians and also warren kole playing a husband/dad figure, i would have two nickels, which isn’t a whole ton, but it’s kinda funny it happened twice, dontcha think?

but anyways. yes, i watched this show. basically, it follows this soccer team called the yellowjackets--they were all headed to go nationals when their plane crashes in the middle of nowhere. we jump back and forth between the girls back then vs how some of them are now (way after the fact, i think all of them are either in their thirties or forties by now). some girls . . . we never see their future selves, so it’s presumed they either died or went missing or who knows what.

phew. this show was insane. it was good! but it was insane, very dark (literally. i recommend not watching this on a small screen like a smartphone, because i could only see the darker scenes on my laptop for some reason). fair warning, there’s quite a bit of gore (especially the first few episodes . . . um, maybe don’t watch this show while eating). i liked it. i can’t say much more on it because i feel like this is one of those shows that are best watched blind, but! you know, it was. a ride.

the invincibles

i started this show way back over the summer with my friend, but i didn’t get to finish it until this month. and holy crap. what a show. what a show.

basically, this show is about teenage mark (steven yuen), who has now developed super powers. this isn’t a surprise, considering his dad (jk simmons) is omniman, earth’s greatest superhero. but as mark gets the hang of being a superhero, a greater threat arises, especially after the murders of the og superheroes, ominman’s team members. this show is off the walls insane and fantastic. each episode left me wanting more and wondering what the hell was going to happen next. the acting is superb, the animation’s fantastic . . . but also please keep in mind that there’s a hellish amount of gore, especially in the last two episodes. like. genuinely a lot of gore. that said though, i enjoyed this show immensely. it’s original, smart, funny, and just genuinely so refreshing. i cannot wait for season two.

the haunting of hill house

unfortunately, i did decide to watch this again. and cried again. and i think this has actually become perhaps my favorite non-korean show of all time because i still can’t quite get over how masterful this series is. i’ve already added this show to one of my rec/watched lists (i think back in january?), but i just have to mention it again because the second time around watching it just made me feel so many more things. i don’t really know what else to say except i think this show was genuinely a show that made me realize just how much horror can be used to tell a story about grief and trauma and, of course, love. the first half of the show always scares the socks off of me, but the second half of the show . . . i think starting episode six and onwards . . . i literally could not get through a single episode without crying a little at least once. what a beautiful story.

persona

tbh, i didn’t really know where to put this--in either the short film or the television section, but i don’t think it’s either? persona is basically a collection of short films by different people, with lee ji eun (better known as the hit singer iu) starring in each one. the films are kind of each a mixed bag for me--i really loved the last one, which is about two people walking in the night. i don’t want to go much more into that for the sake of spoilers, but it was quite touching, and it also felt very personal. (and i’m very glad i watched it in the second half of this month rather than the first, because i don’t think the “me” of the first half of this month wouldn’t have been able to take it, just because it’s very . . . heavy, in some regard. beautiful and oddly healing, but def. very sad.)

the first three films, to be honest, didn’t really stick out to me. the first film, maybe, if only because it was oddly uncomfortable (iu plays a young woman who despises her father’s new wife, who’s played by the iconic bae doona. a tennis match ensues). the second film was interesting, kind of bordering on fantastical (about a boyfriend who’s very upset with iu for some reason), and the third short film was kinda funny (iu plays a high school girl who gets into some chaos with her best friend). overall, i enjoyed watching these short films, and it was a very stress-free experience--and if anything, i was very impressed by just how versatile an actress lee ji eun is! truly, she’s one of those triple threat (quadruple threat, tbh) talents of the 21st century: a phenomenal singer, songwriter, and actress. persona feels like a very good showcase of exactly how she can nail so many different genres.

short films: (because i watched a lot more short films than i usually do . . . probably because march was so crazy and sometimes i wanted to watch something quick, and also getting a letterboxd means that i have so many more film recs including, yes, short films. also, if you’re not following me on letterboxd, i’m just saying . . . you should follow me on letterboxd. if you want!)

naysayer

three scenes, eight minutes, two actors. how the hell is this short film somehow so fantastic when it’s working with literally so little, i have no idea, but it’s amazing and it’s stunning and the losers will say i’m hyping up this short film way too much, but i’m honestly obsessed with it. i won’t even go into the plot because i feel like it’s just one of those short films you need to watch with zero context. i will note that i don’t think anyone else besides a fantastic actor like steven yeun himself would have been able to execute the writing in this film--so he really delivers. i understand now why people are so in love with this man, because he’s phenomenal in every role, even in this brief film. i also need to note the use of the music and the camerawork . . . there’s something so eerie about this short film but it works in the best way, oh my god . . . just watch it. it’s available for streaming on vimeo. a fantastic watch, especially if you want to see the joys of short film.

canvas

this was a nine-minute short film i watched while just eating lunch one day. genuinely pretty, a lovely short film and the animation was so ! ! ! !! ! ! ! basically, this short film is about an old man who lost his wife. it’s a simple story, but a rather sweet one. also, the sound design was fantastic. and the art. especially the art.

bao

okay . . . so after watching turning red, i decided to watch bao, which was directed by the same woman (domee shi). it’s a 7 minute short film (wow, i watched a lot of short films this month, huh), and it was just . . . so nicely animated and also so powerful. i think there’s a moment where people were a bit weirded out by the film, but to me, it actually made a lot of sense in a comedic but also genuinely sort of sad way. something related to parenting something related to love also manifesting in overprotectiveness sometimes, and now i’m very glad that domee shi is in the industry because after watching turning red and now watching bao, i’m just . . . ?? so appreciative of how she seems to make these works that really deeply look at asian parenting in this incredibly nuanced, complex way that i don’t think we get enough of? asian parents--and immigrant parents overall--are notorious for being incredibly disciplined and hard on their children, but i still have very distinct memories of bristling whenever my non-asian friends would criticize my parents’ parenting style, because often times, they just didn’t understand that the way my own family operated was based on such different foundations from a lot of my own friends’ parents.

this is all to say that yeah, parenting is hard, but it’s also so hard to find stories about asian immigrant parents that genuinely give some grace to asian parents--or at least try to understand them, even when the child is ultimately the one in the right. i suppose i write all of this now because i’m at that age where i’m appreciating the way my parents raised me--and now i see that while i would get angry and frustrated with them for not letting me do certain things, i recognize now that it was all coming from a place of love. so the fact that bao (and turning red, for that matter!) really depicted flawed asian immigrant parents but also made them incredibly complex and showed them for what they often really are (loving, scared of their children getting hurt, etc) just moved me to so many tears.

knick knack

. . . i feel like basically every 90s/00s kid remembers this short playing at the start of every single disney/pixar movie on vhs, but because i was kinda bored and looking around for more pixar shorts to watch, i decided to watch this and boy oh boy did it unlock a bunch of memories from when i was, like, 5. i dunno what to say except it was kinda funny, but also very obviously from the early 90s. but that said, i found the animation incredibly funny, and also, the vibes just make me laugh. so i guess it was cool, at least for the nostalgia.

movies:

pirates: the last royal treasure

i love han hyo joo so much, and she is honestly perhaps the best part of this movie. not to say that this movie was bad, per say--i actually laughed quite a bit. i did like how this movie is about pirates! and the music was neat! and the action scenes were cool! but this movie is also about two hours long, which i personally think was about 30-40 minutes longer than it had to be.

there were also just . . . a lot of things going on? like, a lot? which, sometimes, i get that could make for an interesting story, but for me, it was just very whiplash-y and confused about where it wanted to go. (even though the action scenes were cool.) but besides that . . . han hyo joo was cool. that’s. that’s basically all i have to say. it was fun, but i feel like it could have been better. :/

after yang

you know, i’ve been curious about kogonada ever since i watched columbus (2017), and so i was really thrilled to find out that he recently made another movie. after yang is pretty similar in the color palette and art-wise as columbus--lots of greens, lots of really beautiful still shots, lots of poetic language, but all in such a quiet way that makes me think a lot. music is always beautiful, too, and the actors are so very poignant.

basically, this movie kind of follows a family who, after the breakdown of their android (?) “techno-sapien” yang (justin h. min), the father jake (colin farrell) tries to put together the pieces. meanwhile, the rest of the family, like mother and wife kyra (jodie turner-smith) and daughter mika (malea emma tjandrawidjaja) all struggle with this loss. this movie was just so genuinely quiet and lovely and also made me think so much about whether death is truly the end of all things--and how it really might not be, and what makes a life, anyways? and how does one have a significant existence? these were all questions that kind of flew around my mind as i was watching this film. granted, just because after yang, very similarly to columbus, is a relatively slow film, i have a feeling this might not be for everyone--but that’s okay. if you ever need to watch something quiet but sensitive, then is def. something you should consider watching. (and if anything, for what makes a beautiful film. because there were so many shots that made me realize just how much film is an art form.)

turning red

i didn’t even know this movie was actually a thing until everyone was talking about it on release day, and so i decided to give this a watch . . . and i did not regret it one bit. one bit! literally! i think this might be one of my favorite animated movies, if only coming up second to raya and the last dragon (which is still one of my fave animated movies of all time). basically, for those who don’t know, this movie is about perfect chinese-canadian daughter mei lee (rosalie chiang) whose 13 year old life is completely turned upside down when she turns into a red panda. the reason? basically, an ancestor had prayed to the heavens and been granted this gift to turn into a red panda and now, all the women in the family turn into red pandas when they’re in great distress. there is, however, a way to “return” this gift, if you will--and so mei’s waiting a whole month for it to tide over.

for those who are wondering if this movie is basically a metaphor for getting your period--in some ways, yes! but also, in a lot of ways, i think it’s about puberty overall. and also specifically puberty but also dealing with generational problems + the desire to be perfect and then some. it’s such a perfect film with all of these overlapping and interweaving themes, and i genuinely loved every single second of it.

olivia rodrigo: driving home 2 u

i actually didn’t have intentions of watching this documentary/film in one sitting, but i wound up watching the whole thing through anyways. i really do adore olivia rodrigo’s music, and i think she has so many amazing things in store for her. so this piece was just this really fascinating, lovely way of capturing her songwriting process, as well as how she views her own music as a whole. now, i’m always going to be the kind of person who’s very skeptical of who singers/actors really are behind the camera (i feel like as soon as a camera starts rolling, you’ll always act a teensy bit different)--but in any case, i found myself really feeling a sense of just how seriously olivia rodrigo takes her music. we also get a sneak peek at some of her other songs in the works, which was really fun! and also a look at her original lyrics for some of her songs. overall, this piece was fantastic: part documentary, part concert, i really enjoyed watching different facets of the album come to life.

music:

music from before the storm by daughter

it’s been a while since i’ve really listened to daughter’s music, but i’ve been getting back into that band as a result of this playlist. music from before the storm, i think, is probably my favorite daughter album, just because it has so many different sounds from their first album. there’s a lot more emphasis on electric guitar, drums . . . and i feel like the best way to describe this album is like i’m under water or staring off and watching a storm rip everything up from the ground, but in a weirdly fascinating, weirdly lovely way. or like, if you ever got caught in a thunderstorm--you know when it’s raining so much, and the thunder is so loud, and you’re mildly terrified but also, you understand why the poets are so obsessed with storms and rebirth and all of that really interesting stuff? that was kind of how this album felt.

or maybe i just felt that way because i was listening through the whole album while writing some sad beyond evil related stuff, but in any case: i love this album. my favorite tracks are probably i can’t live here anymore and a hole in the earth.

#caroline recs #i think this is the most media i've ever consumed in a month #but also a lot of these things i actually started a long time ago #and i only had an episode or two left of to watch

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