#also so sorry to hear abt louis i had no idea ):

[hekateinhell]

Tell me abt preggers armand please. I have a fic im working on and need 2 hear other peoples opinions on this topic 😈

🥹🥹🥹

okay so first of all i'm so upset i didn't see this ask until i checked my askbox on my phone which i almost NEVER do anymore since i'm getting old and prefer to just answer things via laptop where i can keyboard smash at full capacity raw and unfiltered but like MY DMS ARE OPEN I'M NOT ALWAYS THE FASTEST RESPONDER BECAUSE I'M IN GRAD SCHOOL AND LIFE AND WHATEVER BUT I DON'T TRUST TUMBLR ANYMORE BECAUSE I DIDN'T SEE THIS UNTIL YESTERDAY ON DESKTOP TUMBLR PLS DON'T DEPRIVE ME OF MY PEOPLE

now that that's out of the way:

it depends! you have to be more specific, like are we talking vampires? human AU? BECAUSE I'VE GOT SOMETHING FOR EACH

canon verse/vampire:

don't ask me to explain the science or whatever lol i don't care, i just skip to the pregnancy part!

i think armand would be SO FUCKING FERAL and defensive, like he's lost so much and been so traumatized in so many ways, the idea of anything happening to his baby would have him in full gremlin mode. imagine a feral cat hissing and spitting and clawing and biting (not for food but for violence)!

on the other hand, he'd be obsessively bonded to his baby daddy (daddies, if there's multiple babies). he is not letting them out of his sight (i default to lestat here LMAO listen i want them to knock each other up so bad--separate universes obviously)

HE WOULD NEST SO FUCKING HARD!!! i was going to say i apologize for my brain but then i realized that i don't actually but i want him to nest on a pile of lestat's clothes and give birth right there like a fucking cat 🥹

ALTERNATIVELY THOUGH: i also had this idea that's like louis impregnates lestat and armand at the same time and they get to go through their pregnancies together and it's every bit as horny, hellish, and sweet as you'd imagine 🫶🏻 i've said it before and i'll say it again--lestat would be the WORST pregnant person ever dead or alive!!

now for human AUs:

i guess my thoughts here primarily but not exclusively exist within the same universe as I Feel You (sorry idk if you read that fic but tl;dr- IT'S PWP OF TRANS!ARMAND 2/3RDS OF THE WAY INTO GETTING A TRAIN RUN ON HIM BY HIS BOYFRIENDS LESTAT, LOUIS, AND DANIEL AND HE'S YOUNG DUMB AND FULL OF CUM SO YOU KNOW IT'S JUST A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE HE'S GOTTA PEE ON A STICK RIP BOYS)

i think each of his boyfriends would handle the whole thing differently! lestat would be so over the moon because he's careless (clearly) but also so damaged from his own childhood he would just see it as a chance for a do-over, reality and responsibility be damned. lestat's on sex and backrub duty, and he's good at it (the backrubs i mean, sex is a 50/50 but you know what, at least he's enthusiastic and good at manhandling armand so that's 70% of it right now and the 30% is absolutely ridiculous horny pregnancy hormones)

louis panics internally as he immediately starts creating a spreadsheet of their finances. outwardly though, he's very calm and supportive and he's the one who's most able to comfort armand the most and settle him down during his crazy mood swings. armand basically lives in louis's baggy sweaters during the last trimester

daniel panics outwardly (listen LOL the whole premise of Our House is that human!daniel molloy is not ready for children and i find it hard to budge from that mindset, but he could ease into the Cool Uncle role quite nicely). he handles distractions and food cravings, and he might not be down to be a dad yet but he does buy very thoughtful and sentimental baby gifts every now and then that make armand tear up

i was gonna add mermaid AU thoughts but then i remembered armand's laying eggs instead (he's feral during that whole process too so i guess it's similar to the vampire version. i just love him so much okay!!!)

OH ONE LAST VERY IMPORTANT THING

pregnant!armand fics on ao3 I'M CRAZY ABOUT AND HAVE REREAD AT LEAST 10 TIMES:

shelter by @rainbowcarousels

it must be the clouds in my eyes and everything in that series by @its-ness-ness

[blair-the-juggalho]

Heyo! I'm back >:)! Could I request the ericson gang with a reader who is tall, has tattoos and scars? And yk the idea i sent u abt like reader being a sibling like figure to AJ, Tenn and Willy, could that be sorta included with them? Like reader just being all big sibling to them? Only if you want too! 💙💙

Awww I’d love too!!!! Tysm for the request <3! Sorry for being a bit late btw! I woke up late And had to rush out my house so I didn’t miss my exams lmao also soz if these are a bit short! <3

TWDG Ericsson kids with a reader who is tall, has tattoos and scars!

Violet

She was definitely intrigued by your scar and tattoos she thought they where so cool lmao

She’d wait until you played that stupid card game to get a chance to ask you about them

Once you too go out she feels comfortable asking you more questions about it!

She’d also want to touch your scars and tattoos! Don’t ask why she just would like too lmao!

She also loves that she has to look up at you because your so tall

Even before you where dating you could see this girl blush whenever she had to look up to talk to you

Mitch

Man was JEALOUS

You where everything he wanted to be!

He wouldn’t ask you straight up about your tattoos and scars but if you where talking about them he would definitely listen in lmao

He’d then make random conversation about it with you

“So…where’s you get your tattoos from?”

“How’d you get that scar?”

Please don’t take offence to this mans questions! He’s just a bit jelly

Once you start dating he loves when you guys just cuddle and if you let trace any tattoos or scars you have ugh this man will love it!

As I said in a later post he was also jealous that your taller

But now he adores it!!! He feel so at home with you <3

Also if he sees you in a fight with someone he will do encourage you

He’s a mischievous lad and he supports you kicking someone’s ass

Louis

Now this man oml he hooked!

One of the first things you hear from him are

“Whoa! Sick tats! And those scars? Totally rocking the ‘don’t f*ck with me vibe’.”

Once you two are a thing this man will not hesitate to use you to scare others

“Now are you sure that was the right thing to say? You do know I’m dating them right?”

He’s so proud to be with you!

However when he does see you fight someone I think he’d too scared to say out but he’s just watching like “ 👀”

Also Is still one nosy mf during the card game and he will ask you everything under the sun about your tattoos and scars

Marlon

This man is also low key jealous of your tattoos and scars

“Wow, you look like you’ve been threw a lot! Sh*t that sounds mean sorry.”

He finds you so cool tho!!!

I mean damn your just so badass!

He was low key very intimidated by you but that won’t stop this little rat looking man

Once you two become an item he’s all over you like he wants to see every scar and every tattoo

He wants to map everything out lmao

Oh also you get use to seeing this man a lot if your naturally confrontational because people have reported you to him so many times

Sometimes he acts like a real principle lmao

Tenn

Like I said in another one you’d like his hero (or cool member of authority)

Whenever some one picks on him or makes him set he goes over to you to talk about it

And at this point the person who made him so upset has FLED

Also he wants to draw out your tattoos!

Mainly because Willy wanted to be like you so he asked tenn to redraw them on him lmao!

You have his full and total trust!

He also doesn’t care that you have scars he just think it adds more character to you!

Willy

Like I said in Tenns one, he wanted to be just like you!

And once he has is fake tattoos from tenn he’s definitely going to show them off to you

“Look at that! Aren’t they cool! Tenn did them for me! We’re the same now!”

Also just like tenn when you see someone being mean to him you instantly jump in!

Scaring the shit out of whoever decided to upset him

He loves that your always there for him however the down side is that he’s one cocky bastard now

It’s kinda funny but also sweet!

You and Mitch and literally his bodyguards

Aj

He didn’t know what tattoos where at first so prepare for a lot of questions

“Hey who drew on your arm? You have a mark on you how’d you do that? Can I get a tattoo?”

It’s low-key so funny and totes adorable!

Just like tenn and Willy when someone says summat mean to him you can see him grumping around school

And when you ask him what’s up oh my your furious

You tell him you’ll be back soon before power walking over to the evil sod who upset him!

Let’s just say they won’t say anyone being mean to him anymore

Aasim

He was definitely curious

He’d sneakily ask you questions if you two where alone

He’d act all cool on the outside

But on the inside?

This man was scared he was so worried you where gonna punch him in the face

But you didn’t <3

And now he respects you

He also respects if you don’t wanna talk about where you got a certain scar or tattoo form

Also if he saw you in a fight he’d just try to talk you out of the situation <3

Omar

His genuine reaction to seeing you is “😯”

He loves how badass you look tho

However if you got into an argument man would be so embarrassed just because he doesn’t know if he should step in or stay out yk?

If you came over while he was cooking that when he would ask you about your tattoos and scars

And if your willing to talk about him he’d leave the stew to simmer so he can give you his full attention

Ruby

Tbh she found your tattoos a little much at first

She understood your scars even if she was a little worried about them

But your tattoos? Oh she wasn’t happy

She gets use to them because there’s nothing you can do about that yk so she just puts up with it

But if you try to defend her in a fight? Oh lord you’ll never hear the end of it

“I can look after myself!”

“Fightings never the answer!”

She appreciates later but she just doesn’t want you to get into trouble!

Brody

She audibly gasped the first time she saw you

I’m sorry but I can just see her shocked little face lmao

She was just a little scared by you tbh!

But now, like tenn, Willy, and aj, your like her guard dog

Heaven forbid someone picks on her now because you just show up give that bully a glare and their running with their tail between their legs lmao

She loves that she has to look up to talk to you too! She gets all wishy washy in the legs when you look down at her lmao

[cloudslou]

okkkk sooooo let's go, brace yourself it's gonna be a long rant. (also sorry if i don't make sense, english isn't my first language)

i am a larrie too and most people i follow here are larries bc i kinda feel like they're a safe space you know? BUT the fandom can be so fucking tiring and annoying sometimes. not everything louis and harry do have to do with larry and that's okay!!!!!! (i know saying something like that can get you dragged to hell in this fandom...anyways. lol) not everything is an easter egg. not everything has to be interpreted (?) a certain way. i know it's fun to find little things in their music that are connected, i get the thrill. but sometimes it's too much, the fandom makes the most out of too little things and it's so ??????. my issue is mostly with how some people in the fandom view louis and his ideas and themes and stuff. let him have his fucking moment without connecting EVERYTHING, every single little detail of his art to harry. they are their own individuals and they have their own career and they make their own art. there are connections and parallels, someone has to be dumb not to see them but sometimes it's good to let them have something for themselves each. - i.e. i saw someone making the fitf ono about how harry had one too and blah blah married yeah we get it!!!!! but what the FUCK does louis promoting his album have to do with harry? what the hell does louis having one, two, whatever special concerts to promote his album have to do with harry? it's like, louis follows every step harry takes (i'm always speaking in terms of their career and art), he does whatever harry does, he doesn't have creative freedom (? not the right phrase but idk how else to say it sorry). it's like some people see his work as a copy of harry's, you know what i mean? this is not meant to be sorry for louis or to pity him, i know he hates that and i know you do too. it's more like, louis is his own person, OUTSIDE of the relationship!!! (as is harry of course), not everything he does has to be depended on the relationship or his partner, he has his own mind, his own ideas, his own creativity. he doesn't have to have anyone as a "step" where he has to be on to build his career (does that make sense?). he's gaining sooooooo much popularity and recognition, i know walls was successful, but this era is on another level. let him fucking have this for HIMSELF. he did that HIMSELF. it's kinda unfair to take that away from him by implying that everything he does has to do with anyone but him.

anyway, this is where the rant ends. didn't wanna make a post about it bc as i said, saying this stuff can get you dragged to hell in this fandom bc let's be honest, there are certain opinions that apparently everyone has to have. thank you for your time and patience. post it if you want, or not idk. of course i'd love to hear your opinion on this. byyeeeeee <3

anon im so glad u came back i was hoping to see a msg from u when i got home from class.

i think im largely on the same page as you!!! i consider myself a larrie and thats mainly who i follow and who my friends r, like thats my Circle in the fandom, but it can be very exhausting when its the only lens ppl use to look at their art. not only is it just a tad annoying, i think its pretty dismissive and reductive to take that approach every time. i have similar feelings abt taylor when ppl jump to immediately connect a song to her public life story and then dont go further. for me its like.... there is so much more to a song (or any piece of art) than its "true" meaning (and i say that liberally because even when larries connect on of hl's songs to the other or their real lives, this is no more "true" than connecting a song to a girlfriend, etc, i think there's too much certainty by fans in this fandom) and it limits ur enjoyment of a song i think to not push to break out of that box.

also i think people drawing connections between career stuff is mostly. connecting dots that arent there. one-off concerts are not a rarity and theres already differences in their album release shows. i dont follow many musicians super closely, but i believe ashe also had an album release show last month. and (iirc) lthq said these shows will be a mix of songs from walls and fitf (so it wont be a straight through play of the album like harry's ono show are).

[jynersq]

i was tagged by @cancerbiophd​ thank you julia i love youuuu!!!

You can call me: emma or em!

I’d describe myself as: practical, creative, witty, loyal, a perfectionist

Fictional character(s) that I identify with or am fond of: oh boy i really identify w jyn erso’s attitude and general fury HOWEVER i also really relate to miss jemma simmons’ enthusiasm and passion for science

Three random facts about me:

1. my little sister used to call me “squirrel” when we were younger but for the life of me i cant remember why

2. i am trying to learn german because i’d like to live in germany someday

3. the longest romantic relationship i’ve ever been in was in high school and lasted roughly 24 hours

Something little about my appearance that I kind of like: my eyes are medium brown but they look really pretty in the sun ;u;

An outfit that makes me feel powerful: a good sweater with some high waisted jeans!!

An object that is special to me: i wear a necklace almost every day that has a charm in the shape of the big dipper constellation on it, and my little sister has one with the little dipper and we wear them when we miss each other. it’s become almost a comfort object to me!!

A compliment (or two, or three) about me that made me feel warm inside: being complimented on my writing or drawing!! 

Something I love about myself: i am kind. i am quite sarcastic but i do my best to use it to make people laugh rather than hurt their feelings

Something I love about someone else: this boy i’m lowkey in l*ve with sneezes whenever he gets into direct sunlight and god if it isn’t the BEST thing ive ever seen in my whole life

Something I’d love to buy for someone else: either pay off my parents’ mortgage or buy them their dream home to retire in!!! they’ve done so much for me that i really hope i can do this for them someday

Something I’d love to buy for myself: an ipad pro that i can use to take notes and to draw with!!

Three things that make me happy right now:

1. i’m watching s5 of schitt’s creek on netflix and it is just. SO FUNNY

2. my friends were all so lovely to me on my bday even though i couldnt be home for it this year and i just felt so loved despite being so far away :’) 

3. wolf 359 honestly makes me so happy whenevr i think about it....my heart is full

Something I’m looking forward to: my mom’s coming to visit me in grad school in 1.5 weeks!!!!!!!

Something I enjoyed recently: i listened to the first episode of the beef and dairy network podcast when i was cleaning my apt and it made me laugh SO hard

Song(s) stuck in my head recently: phoebe bridgers’ cover of “friday i’m in love” is so.....IT’S SO

I watched this, maybe you’d like it too: i feel like most people have already seen the netflix series dark but it is so so good and atmospheric.......

Something adorable I came across recently:  this article about rats being taught to drive tiny cars for froot loops.......wholesome

If you wanted to know me better, you should check out these things: probably my “/e” or “/grad stuff” tags!

Something I can/will do to take care of myself or make things more positive for me in the coming days: as SOON as i finish my second exam for the week on friday evening im cracking open a bottle of wine and listening to all seven episodes of the zero hours podcast and no one can stop me

I’ll tag: @gemsofthegalaxy @baenakinskywalker @lesbianromanticism @dreadwater @enigma731 @daishannigans @ladytharen and tbh anyone else who wants to do it <3

[comphersjost]

All for You | 2 ➸ Brady Tkachuk and Matthew Tkachuk

hi, its 3 am, and i couldnt stop until i finished this. ik i promised yall another part on thursday so im sorry this is later then i was hoping. i hope you enjoy it :) i took a different approach to brady here than ive normally seen, let me know how you guys like it!!

It’s been 4 and a half months since that day in the basement. With Christmas just days away and Matty on a flight back home, you and Brady take a risk, leaving Matt to wonder where he went wrong.

word count: 4.6k

warnings: this is really angsty yall, like actually, smut, sir kink, brady is Mean, uh moral ambiguity sorta (thinking abt someone else during sex), d/s undertones sorta, unprotected sex (be safe), oral (m on f), some choking, alcohol (wine), sex under the influence, pls ignore any typos fkakldfa

part one

part two

part three

part four

part five

masterlist

Even with how utterly fucked the situation was that Matt had found himself in, there was one thing he couldn't stop thinking about. It was the way his logo and his last name and his number rested against your back that drove him insane.

It was burned into his retinas.

Even now, on a plane back home to St. Louis it was all he could think about. Every time he closed his eyes it was you you you.

It had been months since he had seen you. Nearly 5 months had passed since that night in the basement. And it killed him.

He was in a slump. Everyone knew it. He knew it, his teammates knew it, the damn front office knew it. And it was because of you.

His teammates had quickly put together your absence at any sort of gathering and Matty’s sulking. 4 and a half months later he resembles a shell of the man he used to be.

He had called, of course he had. Over and over, hoping, pleading, praying to any deity that existed out there to hear from you again.

Matthew’s prayer was answered one day, when he had come out of practice to find a text from you. His heart rate accelerated, time felt like molasses as his phone camera ID’d his face. As the facial recognition unlocks his phone, the message is revealed.

Please stop calling me. And tell the boys to stop too.

The text tears his heart to shreds. It was the last straw. Before he had been mopey, but now - now he was spiraling. His play was abysmal - a shit show on the ice really. He drank until he blacked out every time, not even looking at another girl.

He had contemplated going to your work, but decided a player in the middle of a slump having a restraining order filed against him would not go over well with the Flames management. Every time he went out for the most mundane task, groceries, dry cleaning, he couldn’t help the hope that he would run into you. Even if you didn’t give him the time of day it would be enough for him to just see you.

He hadn’t seen you since that day. Not for lack of trying, though. Matthew had been to all the spots you used to frequent—the grocery store you love, the clubs you two used to go to, even the 7/11 you had both been to after the both of you got so drunk that you could barely walk. You weren’t on the flight you had booked back together. In fact, he had no idea about anything that’s been going on in your life, his mom just told him that you’re okay and that was all he got.

Now it was 3 days before Christmas and the idea of seeing you again both filled him with dread and also made him feel more alive than he had in months. He was equally utterly terrified and buzzing with excitement. His hands itched to hold you again, though he knew there was a bigger chance of you slapping him than letting him kiss you the way he wanted.

As Matt stares out the window at the clouds, he lets his mind wander. He wonders how you're doing; are you okay? After everything that happened did you pick up right where you left off? He wondered if you missed him, if he was on your mind as much as you were on his.

He still wondered if you loved him back.

-

“Mom, I really just, I really want to stay home and do nothing tonight okay? I'm tired.”

Your mom rolls her eyes at your attempt at getting out of going over to Tkachuk’s house tonight. You’d been trying since 9 am.

“Honey, I know you said you and Matthew don’t hang out anymore, but he won't be there!” she tried reassuring you, “Brady and Taryn will be there to hang out with you until Taryn goes to spend the night with the Johnson’s.” That made you groan even louder - you had to be alone with Brady. Great, now you had to steel yourself for a night of utter humiliation.

Brady isn't even downstairs yet when you enter the Tkachuk’s threshold, Chantal’s call for her kids brings Taryn down in an instant, ever excited to see you.

“Y/N!” she squeals, running down the stairs, “You're here, you're here!”

“Y/N?” you hear faintly, and then the slam of Brady’s door and rapid footsteps. He nearly slides down the stairs, freezing at the bottom when he spots you. Taryn lets you out of her embrace, leaving you to stare wide-eyed at Brady. Unsure how to navigate your way out of this situation, you keep staring at Brady as your parents and Taryn follow Chantal to the kitchen.

“Hi, B,” you say meekly, unsure of how he’ll receive you after so long.

“Hi, buttercup,” he responds, a bright smile pulling at his lips. It’s all he needs to take a few quick steps in your direction and draw you into his arms.

“I missed you so much, buttercup,” he whispers against your hairline, “More than you know.”

Despite his warm welcome, the night is tense. You still don't know what he thinks of that night, not wanting to ask him in front of your families - well, most of your families anyways. You didn't even let yourself think about what would happen when you saw Matthew at the next dinner party. You sat at the table and ate your food, barely speaking to Taryn and answering Keith and Chantal’s inquiries about your life in Calgary with a tight smile.

You’re so zoned out trying to make time go faster you barely register your parents telling you that they’re going out with Keith and Chantal.

“Mom, wait-”

“Y/N,” she warns, looking at you with that look, and you sigh in resignation. She smiles at you, a silent promise to make it up to you.

Taryn had left 30 minutes ago, announcing that she had somewhere to be before leaving as quickly as she could, uncomfortable with the palpable tension between you and Brady.

You watch your parents leave, wincing for a moment at what awaits you when you turn around. To your surprise, what greets you is a glass of wine hovering in front of your face.

You take the peace offering gingerly from Brady’s hand with a tiny smile. And it’s a really bad idea, the way you let him keep refilling your glass, and his own, let him draw you in during The Grinch on the couch, let him hold you tight under the blanket that was covering the both of you.

You can hear your common sense screaming in the back of your mind when you snuggle closer into Brady’s chest. It’s near 11 now, and your parents are still together, laughing and drinking in the living room of your house before Keith and Chantal are supposed to head to the airport. You're cuddled up to Brady, shifting every few minutes to try and get closer, even though nearly every inch of your body is practically glued to him.

He hums when you shift again, nuzzling your face into his shoulder. “Gotta go home,” you say, your voice muffled against him. It’s not like you haven't spent the night with him before; you just haven't since that night.

“Probably,” he mumbles, arms tightening around you. “But I don't want you to.” And like, you've had way too much wine and you should probably go before Matty gets here cause you really can't handle that conversation like this so you push off of Brady, standing up but stumbling, wine sloshing over the lip of the glass and splattering on your pants.

“Fuck,” you hiss, the red wine surely staining the gray leggings you wore. Brady takes the glass from you, placing it on the table and stabilizing you with his other hand.

“Go change upstairs,” he says softly, looking up at you with those eyes you're such a sucker for. “Stay.”

And - how can you say no to that? You can't, because it's Brady and you're so damn easy for him it didn't matter what he’d asked you to do, you would do it without a second thought.

That's how you find yourself stumbling to Brady’s bedroom, barely finding your way to his bathroom to change out of your stained leggings and wipe yourself down. You rummage through Brady’s dresser, searching for - there it was. A pair of Brady’s sweatpants from high school that he stopped wearing approximately 2 months after he got them [mostly because he couldn't find them (mostly mostly because they were either in your room or on your body)].

You place the worn sweats on top of Brady’s dresser, fumbling to close the drawer and find your balance. Someone clears their throat and your head snaps towards the doorway. Brady is leaning against the doorframe and through the fuzziness of the wine, you register the thought that he looks so good like this - in his comfort zone.

“Hey,” he says, pushing off the doorframe towards you.

“Hi,” you whisper back, eyes too focused on Brady moving towards you.

“We should give it a shot,” Brady husks, hooded eyes trailing down your body and back up again. Suddenly the room feels too cold, the oversized sweater you had on stopped at the top of your thighs, barely covering the pale pink panties you were wearing. The sweater paws gave an air of innocence around you that Brady knew was fake.

“What are you talking about?” you whisper meekly, both concerned about what was going on in that head of his, and intrigued.

“You know how you feel about me,” Brady states - which isn't entirely true anymore, but you don’t interrupt. “I don’t know how I feel about you, and neither of us actually knows if this-” he motions between the two of you “-is it for us, so I say, we give it a shot and see how it feels. Let’s give it until we go back?”

When did he get so close to you? Brady’s taking more steps forward, and you’re taking as many steps back, until the back of your thighs hit the corner of the bed and you instinctively sit.

Which - in retrospect, was probably a mistake, because now Brady towers over you even more than before and now - you’re really intrigued. His fingers trail over your jaw, thumb swiping gently across your bottom lip.

You part your lips out of habit, eyes widen when you realize what you’ve done. Brady laughs darkly when he catches your slip up, stroking your face affectionately.

His thumb slips between your lips for a moment, and your eyes flutter shut as your cheeks hollow around him.

“Look at me,” he commands softly, and you do, opening your eyes to stare up at him again; Brady, your best friend. He smiles proudly, murmuring a soft, “Good girl.”

The words are uttered at the same time he withdraws from your warm mouth, wrapping his fingers gently around your throat. You can’t help the whine that escapes, mortified when Brady’s grin widens.

He leans down, mouth next to your ear to whisper, “Matty always did like it when they’re needy. Needy girls drive us crazy.”

Really, the thought of Matt shouldn’t be driving you crazy, but it is. And when you feel Brady’s nose nudge against yours, his mouth just millimeters from you - your biggest fantasy for nearly 20 years - you knew you were going to hell.

A needy moan escapes your throat before Brady’s hand tightens around your throat and you give in, looping your arms around his neck. You pull him down to meet your lips, nearly clawing at him in your desperation.

Faintly, you think that this is a bad idea, this would only hurt you more later on.

But the longer you kissed him, the less you cared about the consequences. You wanted - you needed Brady so fucking bad right now you were willing to deal with whatever the aftermath presented you with. Brady’s other hand finds the bottom of your sweater, slipping underneath the fabric to lay against your rib cage.

You needed more.

“Brady,” you whine as you break away from his lips, tugging at his hoodie. “Need you.” Brady chuckles darkly, tugging you by your throat to kiss him again.

“Ask nicely,” he husks against your mouth.

“Please,” you whimper again, pulling harder at the fabric to just get him closer. “Please, Brady, I need you so bad.”

“Try again.” Brady pushes you - nearly tosses you really - further up the bed with a snarl, ignoring the yelp you let out at the suddenness of his mood shift. You stare up at him, eyes wide and lips parted. You're unsure of your next words.

“Please…Daddy?”

A cocky smirk pulls at the corner of his lips. “Not quite.”

You think for a moment, watching him bring his hand behind his back and pull his shirt over his head. The dark look he gives you makes you shrink, as if to say ‘Still?’.

Suddenly your eyes light up, and Brady can see it. He's already on the bed, crawling up your body as you attempt to control your breath. The words are barely out before he's kissing you again.

“Please sir?”

Brady groans into your mouth when he hears you say the words, slotting himself between your thighs to grind his hips against yours. You mewl into his mouth when his clothed cock catches against your clit, pushing your hips up against him for more. He growls as he pulls away again, swatting your thigh as a warning.

“Careful, princess,” Brady warns - voice low and dangerous - and his grip on your hip so tight you knew there would be bruises in the morning, “or I won't be.” His words are thick with intention, both a threat and a promise.

“Yes, sir,” you breathe shakily, letting yourself fall against the sheets to look up at him.

Brady’s eyes soften for a moment, reaching up to brush your hair out of your eyes. “Hi,” he whispers, leaning down to steal a kiss.

“Hi,” comes your response. He steals another kiss before pulling away again, and you can't help but think that he looks beautiful like this.

I love you. I'm in love with you.

You want to say it, the voice inside you is screaming it. It’s screaming for you to say it, and Brady is looking at you almost like he wants you to too.

The feeling of his hands pushing your sweater up distracts you from your plight. Brady’s movement is slow, and he’s looking at you intensely, giving you time to stop him. You only nod, and the softness is gone as soon as it had come. You lift your arms to help him bring the material over your head. He tosses the sweater to the side, catching your wrists when you reach for him. He guides them back over your head, smirking as you suppress a shudder when he leans in a whispers against your mouth. “Be a good girl and keep your hands there princess.”

You nod quickly, grasping the sheets in anticipation. Another slap to your thigh has you rethinking.

“I’m sorry!” you gasp. “Yes, sir.”

Brady hums in acknowledgment, kissing down your throat until he’s staring up at you from the valley between your breasts. You whine softly when he pulls a nipple into his mouth, his teeth grazing the harden peak before soothing it with his tongue. His hand is pinching and pulling at your other nipple, making your noises significantly louder. He alternates, playing with your nipples until they're swollen and sensitive and sore.

He sits back on his heels to look at you, hands on your knees now, sliding up your thighs. His eyes roam your body unabashedly, while his fingers play with the waistband of your panties. There's a burning look in his eyes as he says, “You're gorgeous. You're so fucking beautiful.”

You don't know why hearing him say it makes you tear up. Brady had told you that you were pretty before, that you cleaned up nice, always telling you how hot you were when he'd see you dressed up before events. He was your own personal hype man but he'd never called you beautiful.

Not like this.

Not like Matty.

Not like Matty.

The thought makes your blood run cold.

“Please,” you mewl, starting to reach for Brady before remembering what he told you. Your hands fly back above your head, twisting in the sheets, whispering, “I’m sorry, sir, I forgot.”

Brady smiles softly, slipping his finger under the waistband of your panties, tugging on it before letting it snap back against your skin. “Such a good girl,” he murmurs, leaning down to kiss softly at your stomach. “Trying so hard to be good for me.” He shuffles himself backwards as he kisses his way down your body, sliding your panties down your legs at the same time until they've fallen to the floor.

“Wait,” you say softly, causing Brady to pause, his expression quizzical. “Please, I need you.”

Brady grins wickedly. “Just a taste princess.”

It turns out, ‘a taste’ actually means Brady edging you with his tongue until you were nearly crying. He's brought you to the brink three times now, each time getting you closer and closer before pulling away. At this point he's holding your hips down and your hands are as tangled in the sheets as you could get them, not wanting the repercussions of disobeying.

Brady’s tongue is sliding through your folds again when you finally break.

“Please!” you sob, tears finally sliding down your cheeks as your back arches from the pleasure. “Please, Brady, please, sir, please please, I- I need - please just - fuck - please.”

Brady hums against your cunt, the vibrations tearing a scream from your throat. Suddenly the warmth of Brady’s mouth is gone, leaving you chasing him with a buck of your hips. He pins you back down again easily, his lips glistening as he smirks. You hate the way the sleazy look on his face does it for you.

It reminds you of Matt.

You whine again, wiggling your hips as much as you could in Brady’s grip. “Please just fuck me,” you whisper, squeezing your eyes shut. You feel his lips press against your hip, smiling against your skin.

“Anything my girl wants, she gets,” he murmurs against your skin.

My girl. The words echo over and over again in your head. My girl my girl my girl.

Two words you've been waiting years to hear come out of his mouth, and the only thing you could think of was how you liked it better when Matty said it.

Your eyes stay shut as Brady kisses up your body, fingertips dancing over your skin. His mouth finds yours, emptying your brain of all other thoughts but him.

“You ready for me, pretty girl?” he asks you, a hand coming up to stroke your cheek gently, wiping your tears away. Your eyes flutter open, to look at him, nodding as you bite your lip. His thumb tugs your lip out from between your teeth as you feel the tip of his dick brush against your thigh. You didn't even realize that he had taken off the rest of his clothes, but you weren't complaining. Not with him so close like this.

“Please,” you whimper, and after stealing another kiss, Brady sinks into your heat.

“Fuuuuuck,” he groans, gripping the back of your thigh to spread your legs even further. “You're so fucking tight, fuck you feel so good.” Once he’s bottomed out, Brady leans down to kiss you, swallowing your desperate noises.

He gives you little time to adjust, and really - you don't need it considering the way he tortured you with his mouth and fingers. You're whining into his mouth as his hips move against you, the drag off his cock inside you so fucking good after being denied like you were.

You're close already, and Brady knows, delivering sharp thrusts and hitting a spot inside you that made you see stars.

He finally breaks from your lips, breathing heavily as his hips slam into your cunt. “I'm so close,” you tell him, gripping the sheets above your head so hard you feel like you might rip them. “Please, please let me cum, sir, please.”

It seems like Brady finally thinks you've had enough torture, because he brings his hand from your thigh to your clit, rubbing quick tight circles. “You've been so good for me baby,” he grunts, his other hand holding him up so he can look down at you. “Come on baby, you can touch me now, come on princess, cum for me.”

That's all it takes to send you over the edge. Your hands come flying from above your head to grasp at Brady, his shoulders, his back, tangling in his hair, anything to just touch him. You cry out as your orgasm hits, your back arching under Brady as he relentlessly fucks you through it.

You faintly register Brady’s filthy encouragement in your ears, telling you how good you are for doing what he says, for not touching him this whole time, for cumming for him like this. You writhe against him as you feel him spill into you, grunting as he fucks into you, chasing his orgams with shallow, sloppy thrusts. It feels like you've been riding your high forever; your vision is blurry when you finally come down.

Brady’s breath is hot on your neck, his hands stroking your skin gently as the two of you catch your breath. He shushes you gently as you moan when he pulls out of you. Brady practically collapses next to you, wrapping an arm around your waist, tugging you into his chest. He peppers kisses across your skin, nudging his nose against your cheek to grab your attention.

You can barely turn your head, suddenly so tired you feel like you'll pass out right that second. “Hi,” he murmurs, kissing you gently. You hum and bury your face in his neck.

“‘M sleepy,” you mumble against his skin, eliciting a soft laugh from him.

“Then sleep,” he says, before smirking devilishly, “don't worry there's lots more where that came from, but in the morning.” You snort at his words, squeezing the back of his neck before burying your fingers in his curls.

“Night, B,” you mumble.

“Goodnight, buttercup.”

-

Matthew was going to kill his brother. He was going to straight up murder him. On top of not being there to pick him up from the airport, he also didn't answer any texts or calls from Matt.

So yeah, when Matthew got home, he was going to kill Brady. When the Uber finally pulls up in front of him, Matthew is nearly halfway done with his plan to get away with it.

He fiddles with his phone as the driver pulls away from the curb, scanning the random notifications that he had popped up when he got off the plane. It's when he opens up Instagram that he really pays attention, the 3 stories in a row at the top of his feed catching his eye.

Taryn’s, yours, and Brady’s. Against his better judgement, he taps Taryn’s magenta-rimmed profile picture. The story takes a moment to load, but when it does, he sees a picture of you in front of the Tkachuk’s Christmas tree. You had your arms out in a ‘ta-da’ fashion, the fingers barely poking out through the sleeves of your sweater. Taryn’s caption reads “didn’t need an angel for the tree cause we already got @y/n/y/l/n”. He can't help but smile fondly, so distracted by how cute you look that he just stares at you until the time is up - but not before pressing on the screen so he could screenshot the photo.

Your first story was a repost of Taryn’s, a simple white heart emoji in the bottom corner. The second was a shot of the TV in the Tkachuk’s living room displaying the Grinch’s title. The caption reads “heart grows two sizes bigger when i’m home :)”. The location is tagged as St. Louis, with Taryn and Brady tagged in the corner of the photo. The third post makes his blood run cold, it's a video of you and Brady, your back against his chest as you lay on the couch, the caption the cross-eyed emoji and Brady’s handle. Brady is facing away from the camera in the beginning of the video, your eyebrows raised as you wait for him to notice. When he does he laughs and reaches for your phone. The video cuts off there.

Matthew taps the left side of his screen to replay it, an unpleasant feeling twisting in his gut. He doesn't want to watch Brady’s story, but he taps the right side of his screen anyways. It's a photo of you on the couch, one knee pulled up to your chest with the other in Brady’s lap, and a glass of wine in your hand. Your hair is piled into a messy bun on top of your head as you wink at the camera and make a peace sign with your free hand, tongue peaking out of the corner of your mouth.

Matt screenshots the picture.

He’s angry; angry because his brother left him stranded at the airport. Angry because he said he hadn't spoken to you either, that you didn't answer any of his texts and calls since that night. He's angry because Brady managed to get you back, and Matt didn't.

Matty’s angry because he loves you, and he's pretty sure you still love Brady.

When the car finally pulls up to the house, he’s almost relieved. He notes that the lights are off downstairs as he lets himself in, pausing when he sees your shoes still by the door. The glow of the TV is visible in the living room, and as Matt pads towards it, the uneasy feeling grows.

There's two partially filled glasses of wine on the coffee table, as well as yours and Brady’s phones. He taps on Brady’s phone, revealing the unread texts and unanswered calls from Matt, as well as an unread text from Chantal, telling Brady that he would have to be the one to pick up Matty from the airport.

The pit in Matt’s stomach only deepens as he climbs the stairs, duffle bag in hand. He goes slowly, trying to prolong his inevitable heartbreak, but it doesn't change what he sees at the top.

Brady’s bedroom door is half open, the light from the hallway streaming in.

Matthew knows it's a bad idea when he takes one, two, three steps and he's in front of Brady’s door. He takes a deep breath and pokes his head inside the room. The sight nearly knocks the wind out of him.

You're tucked under Brady’s arm, your nose squished against his cheek and your hand curled around his neck.  He can see the bare skin of your back and stomach pressed against Brady’s bare torso. A blanket covers the both of you from the waist down. Brady’s hair is a mess, and so is yours, and suddenly Matt feels nauseous.

He feels like he would do anything - anything - to make the feeling in his chest go away. It feels like pressure, too much pressure, in his chest, and he nearly clutches his heart. The blood is rushing in his ears, he can't breathe, he feels dizzy.

Why does it hurt so much?

Before he can think it through he’s stumbling to his room. He kicks the door shut behind him, tossing the duffle back on the floor near his bed. His hands are reaching for the backpack on his shoulders and pulling out his laptop before it even hits the ground. He doesn't even sit, placing the laptop on his bed and bending down to type into the search bar.

He barely pays attention to the final amount when he hits “confirm” - he has more money than he knows what to do with anyways. The moment it’s done he sighs, watching the Gmail notification light up on his phone.

“Flight Confirmation, December 23rd, 2020 11:25 pm

St. Louis, Missouri to Calgary, Canada”

[tequiladimples]

I hope this doesn't come off as rude, but I saw that you dislike when collision is branded het cause you're not het, but no one's talking about you personally? like for me, I really like collision but I can understand the criticism in a way and that isn't an attack on you (or an attack at all lol). again hope I'm not rude but idk it seems unnecessary to get upset, it's better to take it as constructive criticism

sigh i don't think ur rude but it simply isn't constructive.

look i’ll talk abt this one more time n then i Beg we can put it to rest! (this is gna be a lot of word vomit but if i'm elaborative now i hope i won't have to talk abt this ever again)

i’m deeply insecure abt many aspects of collision. i don’t really keep that a secret. i also know some ppl don't like fantasy, some ppl don't like the kinds of dynamics i like, some ppl don't vibe with my style of writing (hell, i barely vibe with my style of writing). those things are fine. i can't control that and i don't take that personally. the reason why this is the one critique i do take personally is because it genuinely presumes wrongful, harmful things about me and my values, especially when i've made deliberate efforts to avoid writing the exact flavor of fic they're accusing me of having written. just because people don’t mean for what they say to reflect back on me, doesn’t stop it from doing so.

the thing about calling something a “het fic” is that the term brings along certain connotations which i don’t stand by at all and feel deeply uncomfortable and distraught to possibly have created. i’ve gone over this godforsaken story again and again just to be absolutely sure i didn’t actually do so. when people say “het fic” they generally don’t mean “boy meets girl and they fall in love”, they mean “super rude and mean boy meets uptight virtuous girl and makes her fall in dependence with him through manipulation and treating her like shit until she behaves how he wants.” and that is straight up not the fic i wrote. i’m not stupid. i know the dynamic i went with is widely and easily misused and there’s a lot of fiction depicting really bad, uneven, unhealthy relationships through it. i knew this going in, and i’ve tried persistently to avoid making those same mistakes. 

skipping over the fact that they’re both boys (bc duh)--harry doesn't exhibit any real manipulative power over louis. collision harry is a grumpy, fruity little nerd who happened upon a really unfortunate lot in life and managed to trick himself into believing he's evil for like half a second of the story and his resolves crumble like a danish pastry the moment he receives his first hug. he's kind of aloof and arrogant, and understandably hardened from his past, but he's not bad. he's just lost. that's the basis of his character arc. now on the other hand, louis has harry wrapped around his finger starting like chapter 4. harry’s the one who opens up emotionally first, harry’s the one desperately seeking louis’ approval and caring about his opinion, harry’s the one who makes himself vulnerable continuously throughout the entire story. the only time louis makes himself vulnerable on a comparable scale is during the smut scenes, and even then, harry is gentle and attentive and puts louis first. louis is less experienced than harry in that area, but he isn't scared or intimidated by harry, and he has full reigns of the progression and nature of their relationship as a whole. that’s kind of how it needs to go with tough x soft dynamics for the power balance to not feel uneven, and i wrote the story accordingly. if you then happen to still be so blindly determined to associate soft/small with weakness (and thereby uh, womanhood ig) that you still felt like louis had an inferior position to harry solely because he is indeed soft/small, that sounds quite frankly like a you problem.

now, the whole point of louis’ character is that he’s underestimated. sure, he’s naive and self-centered and sheltered from the real world--that’s the basis of his character arc. those things all change. but louis isn’t ever weak. like idk who apparently needs to hear this but you can be small and simultaneously not be a pushover. the two aren’t mutually exclusive. there isn’t a single time louis takes shit in this story, especially not from harry; he gives back as good as he gets every time. oh! and then he literally saves the entire universe and the execution of that whole thing was his idea alone. i tried really hard to underline how strong-willed and full of grit he is to contrast what others think of him. if you think he’s portrayed as a meek and frail damsel, you missed the point. once again, i feel like we circle back to this misconception of louis being kind of naive and physically small = louis being inferior = louis being female. just do some soul searching.

(i could also get into the fact that for a bunch of people who don’t know these boys personally (no matter how much we like to think we do), this fandom is weirdly opinionated about characterization. especially regarding sexual stuff. i know creating a version for ourselves of who we think these boys are based on things we recognize in ourselves or things we find endearing is part of the comfort with loving them. but that doesn’t really equate to actually knowing them, and besides, this is fan fiction; no one’s opting to write a biography, anyway. being experimental and explorative and putting different aspects of their personalities in different lightings is what makes fic fun. if someone’s writing harmful or one-dimensional characters, that’s one thing, and preferences is again whatever floats your boat. but the “out of character” argument feels mostly really strange to me. this is a bit of a tangent, though.)

lastly, the thing is that i will and i do take it personally if someone insinuates that a character--a gay character--that i, a lesbian, construed is a secret vessel for expressing heterosexual attraction. if someone calls louis a “self-insert”, that does reflect back on me. and to elaborate on that--i don’t particularly love to bring it up, but it's quite disheartening to pour personal PTSD experiences into a character and rly put effort into doing it right and justice and underline growth and healing, just to find out people disregard all that completely in favor of declaring that my self-projection lies in the attraction to a man--which is to say, the one thing i couldn’t possibly feel more estranged from. it's so incredibly tactless. i feel thoroughly whiny at this point but how is that not supposed to make me a little sad?

anyway. none of this is to say that you can’t dislike or critique collision. you can. sometimes ppl don’t like things. but i hope i’m clear about where i’m coming from with my discomfort now. people’s preferences and dislikes are indeed not mine to be hurt by, but these things are. this definitely got unnecessarily long and i probably look like i take myself unbearably seriously (i promise i don’t), so i’m sorry. but at least i've said everything now, and if i encounter this sort of rhetoric in the future, i have something to redirect people to. also anon, none of this is directly pointed at you, i know you mean well. take care <3

[pop-punklouis]

Liam is doing live shows , zayn has a single out , niall has a project that it will be announced tomorrow, harry has golden MV coming soon they’re all feeding their fans except louis :( i’m just a bit sad louis could make always you a summer single or he had a few months chance to make a new song but there’s nothing , we all are staying at home bored just asking for something from our idol but there’s nothing . He has not posted anything on Instagram since July! He was not active on Twitter for months for absolutely no reason, he only came back bc we won awards for him and made his album N.1 again. He’s becoming like harry ! he has a new label but he’s not talking abt it nore telling us what’s up with his solo career ! Fans keep tagging him and asking him to post a selfie but he’s ignoring us I don’t think we ask too much right ? I feel like stanning louis makes me happy but also makes so sad it’s always feel like things are not right or not enough idk if you understand me ? i’m just disappointed that louis is not doing anything for his fans all he does is staying at home and watching football and tweet abt his fav band 🙄 i think he just doesn’t care abt what his fans wants at all sorry if this sounds rude I just feel this way and i’m tired of waiting :(

i’m sorry but i have to disagree. i think louis taking time during a pandemic and after his first tour was postponed is more than acceptable? we all miss him, but when attitudes begin to change because he’s not living up to fans standards and giving us content when certain fans want it..... it shifts over to elitism and acting like your idol owes you anything when he. doesn’t ya know? he’s a human being like us all, and if you’re gonna fault him for not being active right now and comparing it to the others— then i don’t know how to help you because it seems like you have a weird artist/fan relationship dynamic that you live by that isn’t okay. of course we’re bored. of course we’re starving for louis content. but that doesn’t mean we have a privilege to demand things from him and then getting upset when he doesn’t deliver. like i always say, we have no idea what he’s doing BTS that will come out later on. and honestly, even if he isn’t doing anything— that’s still fine. stop putting pressure on him and feeling as if you deserve his time and his content when you think it’s owed. leave him alone and let him be right now. this attitude drives me nuts. anyone who even remotely knows louis knows how much he loves his fans. he shows that anytime he makes an appearance. so, i’m sorry if this isn’t what you wanted to hear, but i’m just exhausted of this mindset. louis will do things when he wants/can. until then, respect it and respect him.

[goldkirk]

⭐!! id love to hear more abt any of ur stories :D

come into my ask box and ask for the “director’s commentary” on a particular story, section of a story, or set of lines. or send in a ⭐star⭐  to have the author select a section they’ve been dying to talk about!

omg I am so SO bad at picking, hang on, I’m going to go read some of Blackbird and come back in a hot sec--

Oooh okay here, take this. Some of this is going to come up in the Steph-centric fic I’d like to write sometime--I don’t know that it’d be as long as Latchkey, and def nowhere near Blackbird, but I want to do some exploring of Steph’s life leading up to the events of Blackbird. She’s got a lot of Backstory and I’ve got a lot of Feelings About It and she’s an interesting contrast to both Tim AND Jason and I want to show more about a lot of things I HINTED at in Blackbird with her. Lots of throwaway comments, little details, etc. 

One of those things is the prescription Leslie writes for her when they’re chatting in the storeroom at the clinic in Crime Alley. A couple people have brought that up, and I figure it’s a detail that wouldn’t be bad to tackle here. 

In that chapter, there’s this exchange: 

“I hope I can be,” Steph says. “And, uh, on that note, sorry I’m late.”

“Everything okay at home?” Dr. Thompkins asks. She drops into the procedure room’s worn-out spinning chair as Steph takes up her usual perch on the counter.

“Dad wanted me to bake a cake,” Steph sighs. “I don’t know why he can’t just order buffalo wings for his buddies like a normal person.”

“Mm. And on that note, do you need a refill, Steph?”

Stephanie looks down for a second before meeting Dr. Thompkin’s eyes.

“Yeah,” she says quietly. “I’m almost out and I don’t want to risk anything. Thanks, Leslie.”

“It’s literally no trouble,” Dr. Thompkins says, with a wave of her hand. She scribbles on a notepad and folds the paper into a little football before tossing it at Steph, who laughs as she snatches it out of the air. “That should get you another month. Make sure you give it to Louis, during the night shifts. He’ll give you the discount as long as I’m around.”

“Thanks,” Steph says again.

Steph doesn’t have any secret underlying condition here--I’m not THAT good at planning, and I don’t plan on hurting all the kids in the story lol. It’s birth control. 

My reasoning here was that 1) Steph’s mom is Clocked Out as a parent, and definitely wouldn’t be available to handle Steph’s medical needs or even ask about them most of the time, 2) Steph’s dad is a terrible person and father and would literally never allow her to be on it bc of his views and also money, and wouldn’t listen to anything about financial help or Steph paying for it herself or w/ever, 3) Steph has probably been burned by a couple of boyfriends at this point and had to weasel her way out of very pressuring situations, which made her just swear off dating for the moment, but most importantly--

4) Steph’s dad keeps very unsavory company, and Steph has absolutely no adult looking out for her safety in this current situation at all. Her mom is either not around or usually high, and her dad is usually drunk and the one who’s causing these people (mostly men) to be around the house in the first place. And when her dad and a lot of the others are really drunk, or passed out, Steph doesn’t have anything she can do except hide and make herself scarce or try to sneak out of the house for the night after her dad has stopped using her as basically a cook and pretty face and BEFORE anyone gets any ideas. 

She doesn’t always succeed. SO, (tw here for childhood sexual assault, etc.) Steph has been pressured by boyfriends, cornered here and there over the past few years walking to and from school (but she’s also Very Good at being a rabid little fighter and screaming at the top of her lungs at the first sign of danger--that’s actually going to be used at some point and be a funny and painful scene that Bruce swoops in on sorta--so nothing has HAPPENED there). She’s been eyed up and down by grown ups semi-regularly every period that her dad’s been out of jail since she hit middle school and they moved into that little house, and she’s had several attempt things. One got pretty damn far, and Steph finally, FINALLY got away and straight up smashed the bathroom window to get out. 

Long story short, she was pretty messed up that night, and she definitely couldn’t go back, and she was pretty panicked, so she went to the only place her brain supplied from its depths, which was Dr. Thompkins’ clinic. Luckily Leslie keeps someone staffing it around the clock, and she had actually only left a few minutes earlier, so she came back in and walked Steph through that night and took her home to her own place until Steph was sure it was safe to go back home. Then Dr. Thompkins and Steph had a LOT of logistics conversations, reported things to police, and set up several contingency plans, because this is Gotham and the prisons are a revolving door. 

But anyway. Yeah. That’s the story behind the prescription, and why Steph isn’t a super big fan of talking about it. But it’s a just-in-case that both of them wish she didn’t need, and it’s definitely something, along with the self harm, etc., that Leslie and Bruce will be getting on the same page about and that BOTH will be working with Steph’s mom to keep a close eye on in the future. 

(tw for self harm) I’m considering writing a fic to deal with Steph’s self harm while she’s living with the Waynes, because there’s no way Dr. Thompkins wouldn’t give Bruce a heads up about it if Bruce was getting temporary custody. She’d have to. And Bruce would absolutely sit Steph down for a conversation about it, and Steph would be super likely to have urges while there for SEVERAL reasons, so. Hm. That’s something I might tackle too, but I really wanted to show in the scene with Leslie and Steph talking about it that there ARE adults in the world who understand self harm and won’t flip out over it, and will handle it in the healthiest, safest manner possible and not push too much or overreact or underreact. That scene was important to me, and I hope it helps at least someone, somewhere. It took me a long time to learn that, but I’m glad I did. That kind of thing matters.

[lesbianzouis]

what are some of your fave louis/x fics?

this might be a long post so im putting them under the cut & i’m sorry mobile users ik the keep reading things don’t work on mobile :/

louis/zayn:

Vampire Weekend - rly cute vampire au

every time the sun comes up (im in trouble) - another vampire au lmao but just zayn is a vampire

sorry abt the lack of zouis fics i just started reading zouis recently & i’m very particular when it comes to zouis so i’m sure theres a ton more good ones i just havent found them yet (if u have any zouis recs....send them my way pls)

louis/luke: 

i can feel a hot one - firefly (like the music festival, not as if theyre fireflies agsgs) fic

sorry i wish there were more louke fics :( i haven’t checked the ao3 tag in a bit so there might be more now & theres also more by the same author but they didnt really stick with me  

louis/nick: 

theres gonna be a lot of these i’m sorry that i have so much tomlinshaw and then like none of anything else :’( 

What Happens In Amsterdam - rly short but very cute and funny

We Had Today - okay this is a such a good fic but there is cheating (louis is enaged to liam & its mostly just emotional cheating but he and nick do kiss once before he ends things w liam) if youre not okay w that 

Hey, Angel - fallen angel nick fic that makes me very emo 

The Sky at Night - louis has insomia and nick works for an insomnia hotline! this is such a good fic

hold on for one more day - i fucking LOVE accidental outing fics 

your voice was cutting life a knife in my head - very uh good pwp

get another coal on the fake fire - if im being completely honest i dont really remember this fic but i do know i liked it a lot bc the title stuck with me + i’m a slut for hate to love fics

love and kickin’ - football player louis au, SO so good 

I Had Rather Hear My Dog Bark at a Crow - i mean, the ICONIC i had rather! one of the greatest fics of all time, i said it. if you havent read it tho, there is watersports lmao!!! i read all the tags but somehow missed that one and had no idea when i first read it and was :O when i got to that part asffsg but nonetheless its so fucking good lmfao

thats all for now! i literally got through only half of my tomlinshaw bookmarks because i’m too tired and didn’t want this list to be absurdly long so if you want me to do a part 2 just lmk!! 

[juliivn-blog]

[ bill skarsgård, cismale, he/him, 29 ] BRAIN STEW by GREEN DAY? whenever i hear that song, it reminds me of JULIAN NILSSON. maybe because they’re SELF-RELIANT but also CAVALIER. they’ve been living at mulberry apartments since SEPTEMBER of 2018 in APARTMENT 203 and have 1 ROOMMATE. [ lainie, she/her, 21+, cst ]

hello bitches it me ( lainie ) back at it again !! this time bringing u the anti adrian and pls be wary bc there are a lot of sensitive topics down below ( tws for major drug use, drug addiction, death, grief, shitty parenting, neglect, abandonment?? kind of idk better safe than sorry ) also u can find a tl;dr at the bottom since it’s literally SO LONG

BACKGROUND

so bear with me bc his background info is kind of Long!! his mom and dad are from just outside of st louis, missouri. his mom came from a pretty wealthy family and she was just like tryna be ~rebellious in her young adult years by dating julian’s dad (who came from a super trashy family and had a Bad Boy Rep). when she was 19 and he was 22 she got pregnant ( with julian ) and her fam was like get rid of that baby or ur gone !! but they were “““madly in love””” and she was on her rebellious shit so they literally eloped to the city ( st louis ) and got an apartment together and had julian but never actually got married bc they were too cool ( read: irresponsible ) for that. ofc this ended up being rly miserable bc she was used to living the rich life and now her family had disowned her, and suddenly she was starting to realize this dude she had a kid with was kind of a deadbeat party boy with no interest in having a family, not to mention she started realizing like?? i don’t actually want a kid this is a lot of work?? so like julian’s childhood years were a lot of him having to learn to take care of himself and not having anyone to depend on most of the time. and that’s not to say they didn’t both care abt him on some level bc there were definitely times they paid attention to him and gave him a birthday party or two but for the most part he was on his own

his secret favorite memory is flying a kite with his dad when he was 4 but u would be more likely to win the lottery than get him talking abt that

fast forward 5 years and finally julian’s dad, now in his late 20s and getting antsy, peaces the fuck out to los angeles to live his best party boy life. baby julian is very upset bc even tho his dad doesnt pay a lot of attention to him he like idolizes him. julian’s mom is saltier than EVER about having to take care of a kid but she doesn’t wanna go to LA ( especially for this asshole she doesn’t even like anymore ) and her parents won’t have anything to do with her or her illegitimate child so the NEXT 5 years are a lot of moving around from shitty apartment to shitty apartment and job to job by themselves. his dad would now and then send weird postcards and letters and pictures and stuff from cali so he had like a vague idea of the fact that his dad was living his own life somewhere that looked super wild, and when he was 11 years old he sent a letter back asking if he could come live with him. his dad contacts his mom, there’s a bunch of fighting, but in the end julian did indeed get to go live with his dad in los angeles, mostly bc his mom just didn’t give a fuck anymore and was lowkey like…u know what fine take him i can have my life back

obviously his dad does not know how to be a dad !!! he kind of thought of julian as his little like…..sidekick like he just thought having this 11 year old kid around was hilarious. so julian went to LA and was living with his dad and his dad’s friends in a relatively nice apartment but like it’s always filled with people doing drugs and having sex and it’s just. not child friendly at all. so that’s how julian was introduced to weed at the ripe young age of 11!!! from there on out he was like a big time weed and cigarette smoker, was very early having sex and trying other drugs, and by the time he graduated high school he was already hardcore doing coke

so julian like kind of wanted to go to college bc some part of him did crave normalcy, but he was way too far up his own ass to get his shit together for that !! plus like….he didn’t rly have good role models. so his first year after high school instead of getting on a good path for his future he decided living his best life would include moving into an apartment with his cokehead best friend. it was around that time that julian met his first boyfriend. he was already totally aware he was bi, had slept with boys in high school, but this was the first time he rly fell in love with a guy. he was like……….head! over! heels! for this boy. julian met him at a club and he was like sort of soft and relatively innocent until they started dating and julian got him smoking weed and then snorting coke

this next part is very triggering so please read with caution !! when he was 23, julian tried heroin for the first time. for about 6 months it gradually got really bad, his life started spiraling, and his bf was like….becoming unable to deal with it, especially bc while julian was getting worse his bf was kind of trying to move in the opposite direction and get off the coke and get his life back together. there was a lot of fighting, but his bf kept not actually making the move to end things bc he loved julian and was just like hoping something would turn around. one night, however, in a moment of weakness, he let julian talk him into trying heroin with him. it was kind of an “i promise i’ll get clean if u try it with me this one time” thing. being in and out of consciousness and not really aware of what was going on, he didn’t notice that his bf was overdosing and he ended up dying simply bc the heroin was too much for his body and he stopped breathing. julian didn’t notice until the morning when he woke up, and obviously that was by far the most traumatic thing that’s ever happened to him and left some deep ass emotional scars

so following this, he actually did check himself into rehab. he was there for 3 months, got completely clean, but he only managed to stay that way for two weeks before he was first snorting heroin again and then back to shooting up and selling drugs

it was about 2 yrs later when he was 26 that he met his next bf while he was doing a deal at some seedy bar outside of town. they quickly fell into a completely unanticipated relationship–notably, julian’s first since his boyfriend’s death. in spite of that trauma and feeling guilty even as he did it, he started introducing this boyfriend to drugs. in his mind, it was kind of a thing where he fell in love really fast and really hard out of nowhere and he saw this sad little thing with no place to go and drugs are the only thing he’s ever known himself, so it was very natural to be like “here try this it helps” and also naively convincing himself he’d never let what happened before happen again

so 3 years later they’re living together and completely broke, living mostly off the money julian makes selling drugs and whatever else they can scrape up, when his bf decides he wants to do a road trip across the country. julian’s very impulsive, doesn’t really give a shit about anything in LA anyway, and to top it off has a hard time saying no to him. SO a road trip it is !! they make it all the way across the country before finally using up the last of their money and realizing they don’t have enough to get back

they stopped in north carolina for a while while julian saved up enough cash for them to at least get somewhere they liked better, which is how they wound up in baltimore !!

here their jeep completely broke down and julian sold it so that the money from that plus the money he made selling drugs they could put toward a deposit on an apartment

it’s in their heads to get back to la eventually, but baltimore is kind of their ~scene so julian’s in no hurry. he’s selling drugs again but they use a lot of what he’s supposed to sell so......they’re not going anywhere any time soon anyway ytseugukhej

PERSONALITY

so now that his lengthy as fuck background is over with………julian is an extremely EXTREMELY dry sarcastic person. the guilt over his bf has made him a hell of a lot worse, like his sense of humor is so so much darker than it was before that happened, but he’s honestly just a rly sarcastic person to begin with. he has some softness inside especially for people he rly cares abt, but you will not catch julian being sentimental or taking literally anything seriously unless you’ve managed to seriously worm your way into his heart

he’s not like a GRUMP tho at all he just….doesn’t take things seriously. he’s literally the embodiment of every bart simpson meme

“whatever my dude” is his aesthetic

he’s very careful about his drug dealing, he won’t go around talking about it or anything, he does it all under the radar as much as he can and especially having done it for so long now and having experienced a lot of traumatic crap, he’s pretty good at what he does and he won’t fuck with people he doesn’t trust

even when it’s warm it’s not totally unlikely to see him in long sleeves bc he has really bad track marks all over his arms from shooting up so much, especially in the early days when he was really bad at it

he absolutely will not talk about his past and if anything even close to it comes up in conversation he will skate right over that so qUICK ur head will spin

i think that’s IT FOR NOW if u made it this far i commend ur effort and attention span. im gna list some plots n stuff below ( beyond the song connections ) and hit me uP for some angst bc ya girl is here for the drama as usual

CONNECTION IDEAS

u can find song connections HERE

any and all drug related things !! people who buy from him ( especially weed, he’s a lot more lenient about to whom he sells weed as opposed to other stuff ), people he introduces to drugs, friends he actually does drugs with

he’s very dry and enigmatic but he’s also quite social so seriously give me friends for him. he’s high a LOT but not always and he likes being out doing stuff

definitely somebody or somebodies who don’t trust him and his drug addict bart simpson vibe please please give me people who don’t like him

along that same vein it takes a lot to get julian worked up and in fight mode bc he prefers to just let things roll off his shoulders but it would def be fun to have someone who gets him to that point

also somebody who?? maybe thinks they can “fix” him and genuinely does their best to try and persuade him to change his life and that it’s not too late to turn everything around ( this is basically the song connection medicine by daughter )

if ur muse is randomly from st louis missouri????? hit me up with a past connection from way back in julian’s childhood

also someone he went to high school with in LA if they’re from LA. this person would probably not be surprised at the way julian turned out ystefygdjhs

AND TL;DR BECAUSE THIS IS SO LONG

a drug addict and dealer who learned to take care of himself from an early age because of neglectful parents. got a boyfriend addicted to drugs and lost him to an overdose when he was in his early twenties, went to rehab, relapsed, met another bf years later with whom he decided to road trip across the country and got stuck in baltimore. dry, sarcastic, kind of a douche, epitome of every bart simpson meme, walking tragedy.