#also thank you ocean for that song what the hell was that that sounds like a good audition song

[cactuswaterscactusfields]

How Many Moments Are In Forever?

I went to Galaxy’s Edge at DisneyWorld recently and got to meet Vader, and he was so scary and intimidating that I just had to put it down into words. But also spice because of Helmets. This is kind of a continuation of Him., but it’s not reliant on Him., so you don’t need to read it to read this. Also, Anakin’s face doesn’t get Mustafar’d, but he wears the helmet to help him breathe, just so that the reader recognizes him. Bless his heart.

OR

After the Chancellor commanded the clones to execute the Jedi, your master, Anakin, sent you away in an escape pod, bound for Mustafar. He told you he’d come to you, but when you witness him and Obi-Wan duking it out, you’re forced to escape. Will this new Lord Vader show you mercy? Or will he break his promise to you and execute you like the younglings?

Warnings: Angst, Smut, trauma, Order 66, peril, a short bit of a happy ending. Is Anakin still having a face/hair canon compliant? I don’t know. No beta we die like the younglings. 

crossposted here on ao3 All characters depicted are 18+.

So sorry it took me so long to get out. Hope you guys enjoy, and once again thank you to Cilantro and Rio for peer pressuring me into finishing it.

There’s blood on your skin, ashes on your hands, your forehead, staining your vision and future. Where is he? He said he’d be here. He’s never lied to you before. He’s always been there. He sent you to this hell, this planet, and told you you’d be safe there. Just wait for me , he whispered into your ear, placing a warm kiss on your lips.

You can still feel it. His soft, chapped, gunsmoke lips, carrying the weight of the world, pressing against yours, worried, gentle, loving. He had looked down at you with those ocean-blue eyes, filled with worry, and gently buckled the strap of your seat, tight around your torso. You had stared at him, silently begging him not to send you away, but he stepped back and shook his head, smoke rising from the temple behind him. 

Your head hurts, so, so badly. It’s throbbing, sharp, like a part of you has been ripped out and stomped on. What is this feeling? Where is he? Where is your master? Maybe it’d be best if you just slept, if you just went away, if you just…

~

Two black durasteel boots step over the forgotten, discarded plates of a destroyed door. Soldiers without names in white armor step aside, as the black fluttering cape brushes past their bowed heads. Those in his wake look up, seeing shining black plates in place of eyes, a mouthpiece sounding out the last song they'll ever hear--a song of pain, of death, of violence, of labored breathing, and ashen lungs. You can’t tell who it is. Are you one of his victims? One of his soldiers? You’re staring up at him, impossibly tall, impossibly strong. You can sense his signature, but it feels..wrong. Artificial, like someone took a once healthy signature and slashed and cut and slashed and cut until it was nothing but ribbons, and then stitched and stapled it together, a horrific chimeral amalgamation of what it was.

He turns to look at you, those eye plates staring right into your soul, and you know who it is, oh maker, what happened to him? He raises that scarlet blade, humming with energy, and raises it to slice at you, the red glinting off his helmet, you can see his eyes, yellow and red, oh maker he’s swinging, so quickly, so painfully, and—

~

You snap awake, the molten and ashen air greeting your abused throat and lungs. How long were you asleep? How long were you unconscious, unaware of where he could be? Is he here? Did he leave you? Is he gone? Who was that man, with the massive scarlet blade, why did he feel like your master? What happened to him? Where is Anakin?

You finally look around at your surroundings, the landing space having been cleared due to the powerful downward-facing thrusters of your ship. There are what look like lava falls flowing down distant spires and mountains of charred rock, and the black sand on the lava bank next to you is being lapped at gently by a flowing molten river. The atmosphere here is thick, angry, with..you can feel it in the air, burning hatred and sulfuric power, as if darkness has festered in this place for millennia, for longer than you could imagine. 

Mustafar.

You’ve heard of this little moon, once lush and vibrant, like Naboo or Alderaan, but the Sith (or something, Master Kenobi wouldn’t tell you when you inquired further) corrupted it, leaving it charred and hellish. 

You can see glowing blue blades in the distance, dancing across a thin beam of metal in front of massive waterfalls, and you immediately know from that aggression who it is. 

Ani.

You stand quickly, before watching as he leaps toward the shore of a riverbank, and the other blue blade slices up, impacting and cutting through his legs—

You have to go. You have to go. Something is very wrong and you need to leave right now. You can’t tell what it is, can’t tell who is forcing you to leave, can’t tell if the force or your own gut is telling you, but you need to escape right knifing now . You smash your hands into the buttons, desperately trying to get the small ship to activate, and it slowly lifts into the air as the overhead cover closes. You feel the engines roar as it begins to send power to the hyperdrive, and you’re pushed back, further, further, and you leap. The bright whistling lights of the stars racing past greet your eyes, and then it hits you, like a ton of bricks.

Maker, he’s dead. And you left him to die. You didn’t save him. 

What have you done?

When he needed you most, you left him. This man who has given you everything, gave you a home, gave you knowledge and instinct and love and pleasure, gave you happiness and a place to stay when you had nowhere else to go, the man who saved your life from certain death, was left to die on a shore of fire and lava by the woman who should have loved him more than anyone else.

Wait.

That vision, that dream you had. What did it mean? What could it possibly have meant? That man, maker you hope was a man, felt so much like him, so much like the one you love, does that mean he survives? You don’t know. You hope so, but that red blade…

Does Anakin become a Sith?

~

The drunk man crashes down next to you, thrown by his partner. You look over at him, taking another sip of the disgusting pisswater they have the nerve call spotchka. At least it’s liquid. You take a deep breath, before looking back at the current bar fight going on over, what you’re pretty sure, was a game of sabacc gone wrong. Your mind wanders back to that day on Mustafar, the last time you saw him. How did you even find yourself here, this shithole known as Tatooine, a worker in a bar, cleaning after hours and giving your…unique clientele their drinks. At least it’s out of the way.

The empire has been hunting Jedi, with Darth Vader at its helm, and you’re at the top of the list of bounties they’ve got. You don’t even know how many credits you’d fetch now, but it’s got to be enough to buy a waterfront property on Naboo and never have to worry about working again.

Not that anyone has the balls to take on a former Jedi. You’re fully aware of what your people can do, and bounty hunters usually leave the Jedi hunting to inquisitors. Sometimes you catch eyes, though. Through the crowd, brown-robed men with vibrant blue eyes that you swear you’ve seen before, with familiar tired lines and sandy brown beards, before they disappear through the crowd. It’s better not to gather. Better to stay separate, silent, and alone. If you’re caught, you at least won’t know the location of any other Jedi. 

Almost as if on cue, you can hear the stomping of stormtrooper boots, as they flood in to break up the fight. Your hand immediately tenses to your side, before lowering. Of course, your lightsaber is hidden. You don’t have it out anymore. It’s still on you, but if someone were to see it, you’d be arrested and sent to… indoctrination before you could even blink. They pull the two men who started it apart, both soaked in their and the other’s blood, and other patrons immediately back up to their seats, avoiding the troopers. Everyone here has bad blood with the empire. It’s part of living here, in the outer rim, staying well away from their gaze.

Something’s wrong. Of course, it is. Your mind immediately goes to finding an escape route, finding some way to get out of here, but the black fluttering of capes freezes your train of thought. You’ve done this before, you can do this, you can get out of here. It’s just like the last few times, you’ll be able to get out, right? You’ve smelled this stench before, this stench of death, of hate, of malice, of eradicating the only life you ever knew.

Inquisitors. Looking for you. You step back from the bar, and their heads jerk toward you, quickly vaulting over the counter, spilling your spotchka. You narrowly duck under their arms, before slamming the back door of the bar open. You dodge around stacks of supplies and long-expired bills and spotchka, dodging around your now very confused boss, and you finally see it, the exit door, the door to freedom, the door that will let you escape from them, and you shove it open—

Black, dark black boots. A red and black cape, with a glinting dark helmet blinding you in the desert sun. Three inquisitors? You’re important. You draw your blade, its color gleaming off their armor, and you slash at them in a wide circle, blasting them back with a quick wave of your hand, before shoving past the one in the doorway, praying you stunned him, praying to the maker you successfully escape—

A hand wraps around your tunic, yanking you back, and a needle jams itself into your stomach. A strong, black leather glove holds you tight, pulling you back, and pushing you down, further, further, until you’re crushed against the ground, like a stone under thousands of tons of pressure at the core of some far-off planet.

As your vision fades, you see the helmets glinting down at you, dangerous, nightmare incarnate. Shouting around you becomes muddled, indistinguishable, a hundred or a thousand voices speaking, screaming, yelling, it’s all the same, what are they saying…? Everything’s fading, you can’t see, can’t think…

Kriff.

~

His hand wraps tight around your throat, pulling you back into him, his strong, sweaty, muscular chest pressing itself into your shoulder blades. He pulls you back further, panting hot breath against your ear, and he slams himself deep into you. How long have you been at this? How impossibly long have you been like this, being ruined by your–

Your mind freezes as his free hand travels from somewhere near your head, gripping the sheets, down your body, down, further, further, before gently touching your nub and rubbing sweet, sweet, nuclear circles into it, freezing your mind every time he slams his cock into you again and again and again.

His stamina is infinite. How many times have you already come? How many times has he brought you over the edge of that divine cliff, tossed you off, and he hasn’t leapt once? Your wandering mind rips back to reality once again as he pounds once, twice, three times, you’re so close, running, sprinting, a blur of light against an impossible sky, before you take that olympic leap.

You’re frozen. His hands, paused, his cock, an immovable force against an unstoppable orgasm. And then he–

~

You’re thrown from your dreams as your head collides with the metal plating of what your drug-addled brain assumes is a cell, and you’re left alone for a moment. You were just in his arms, just with him, just curled soft and warm underneath him, protected, why are you here? 

Where are you? How long were you asleep? Why..why is there so much noise? It hurts your ears, so loud, so sudden, so angry, like metal ripping and tearing and cracking and shattering, breaking as if the world is made of glass and your ears are hammers. From the indiscernible noise, you can almost hear alarms, something akin to an emergency..why is there an emergency? It’s shaking your skull, shattering your bones, making your brain feel too big for your skull, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts, maker it hurts,

And it stops.

Silent. You can hear nothing except his voice. His. Voice.

It’s Him.

Standing in front of you, staring down at you, his black durasteel eyes reflecting hell on earth, reflecting a person you don’t recognize, is that you? How could that be you? When were you covered in blood? When did you have such scars, such exhaustion painting circles under your eyes, thinning your cheeks, hollowing your sockets? What have you become?

“....Padawan.”

He was thinking the same thing. The world is frozen around you, and for once, nothing else matters. Nothing except him. He runs his black-gloved thumb across your cheek, but it’s cold. Artificial. Alone. Where did the warmth go that he had? Where is the comforting star within your void of life?

Where did the man who would do anything for you go?

“...Ani?” Your voice sounds hollow, far away, like you’re hearing it through a window.

Awful, artificial breathing greets your ears. Plastic, metal, durasteel, and bacta tubes scrape across your eardrums, like nails on the chalkboard of your soul. He stares down at you, his breath almost catching in his throat. Does he even have a throat anymore? Is he the man you fell for, the man you adore?

He lowers his hand slowly, before tilting his head and murmuring a short, simple command in a voice you’ve never known yet always loved.

“Follow.” And with a whisk of a cape, he’s walking away, leather boots thumping against the metal grate flooring. You quickly stand to follow him, and stormtroopers flank you on either side, their rifles held to attack at any moment, to gun you down like the thousands of innocents they’ve killed.

You follow your former lover down hallway after hallway, a maze of industrial lights and alarms and troopers sprinting past as the floor, walls, and ceiling quietly shake. You try to run to catch up with him, but his strides are so impossibly long, he’s so impossibly tall, that you’re cursed to inevitably follow behind him, never able to get to him. Just like Mustafar.

He finally turns what feels like the tenth corner, and you see a massive hangar with ships, pods, and craft of all kinds whirring about like some kind of dock hell. He walks over to a sleek, black ship, where troopers in strange black durasteel uniforms salute quickly, and climbs up the ramp. You lower your head as a rifle presses into your back, and a trooper’s voice sounds out behind you. 

“Follow Lord Vader.”

Lord Vader? Is that what they call him? Is that what he calls himself? Is that who he has become? Some…lord of evil? Some lord of darkness, like a Sith? You’ve never heard of anyone besides the most powerful Sith being called Lords, is he that twisted, that corrupted?

Your mind snaps to reality as your legs quickly hurry up the ramp, and it closes once you’ve made your way into the small ship. There’s a simple cot against the wall, a few simple crates with various articles of clothing, and then there’s Him. Leaning against one of two cockpit chairs, he stands there staring at you, before reaching up towards that horrible, horrible black helmet, and pulling.

Anakin.

His fluffy blonde hair, now with a few silver streaks through it, is slightly pressed to his forehead above two… yellow…? eyes, his familiar scar across his eye drowned out by the massive burn across his cheek. Dark circles line his undereyes and his face..it’s so, so tired, so weary…

“I..thought you left me..I…” You stammer, the correct words hiding from you like flitting ghosts in a swirl of blazing, burning fire. How is he here? How is he alive? He sets the helmet down on the seat behind him, before stepping toward you, striding closer, closer, he’s so big, so intimidating, so tall, you step back, further, further, your back is pressed against the wall, he’s so close, right up against you, and…

He kisses you. But to say that would be disrespectful to the love, to the passion you feel. His lips press against yours, like two halves of a whole finally reuniting and sealing, bonding together as if telling each other that they will never, never separate again. His hands wrap around your face, holding you, his thumb rubbing your cheek, and you can’t help but wrap your arms around him, so small against him. He presses further against you, one hand sliding down to your shoulder and pulling your neckline down, and his lips trail slowly down your neck, before he latches onto the muscle, and he bites.

You squeak in pain as he removes the hand on your face and begins to shed his armor, dropping plate after plate after durasteel plate onto the ground with clangs. He’s left in nothing but a tank top and simple cloth pants, and the full extent of the pain he went through is revealed, missing both arms and both legs up to the thighs. You push him back for a moment, and he stares down at you, silently questioning.

“What happened?” Your eyes fill with tears as you scan the damage, gently running your hand along the seam of his larger prosthetic arm. You always knew he was missing one hand, but never his full arm. Never..this. Maker, how much can this cruel universe take, and take, and take, and take, and expect him to live as he has been?

What kind of life is this, to live for nothing at all?

“....I’m not living for nothing, padawan. I have you.” He gently takes your chin, letting out a small cough, and tilts it up to face him, the skin around his eyes crinkling slightly as he smiles softly. Right, he can do that. He can read your mind. You smile weakly up at him and–

You’re thrown into each other as the ship rocks violently, and more alarms blare outside as you’re reminded of the predicament you’re in. Immediately, he focuses while holding his arm out and your fall is slowed down as you land on his chest. He stands quickly, his arm holding you tight against his chest, and he takes your face in his hands again, coughing again harder.

“Hold onto something.”

He turns to the cockpit and quickly throws himself into the pilot seat, before flipping switches and levers and knobs as if he’s done this a thousand times before. You quickly hurry to the front of the ship, sitting down in the other seat and strapping yourself in, and his hand gently lands on your thigh, holding you as he presses the throttle forward, the ship lifting slowly before leaning and soaring out of the collapsing imperial star destroyer. He presses a few more buttons, and the ship shudders slightly before launching into hyperspace.

“Aren’t you a servant of the emperor?” Your voice wobbles slightly, and he sighs softly.

“I’m done. With it. With everything, padawan.” He coughs, his shoulders shaking slightly, and he groans in slight pain before looking over at you. 

“The emperor would have you killed or tortured. I’m not letting him ever get to you again.” He says your name, soft, warm, whispered through a broken man’s voice, whispered through years of suffering and longing, loneliness and pain. He smiles weakly, and gets up slowly, holding his hand out as the buckles of your seatbelt undo themselves.

“I have missed you, so, so dearly. Ever since that day.” You stand slowly as he speaks, and he looks around.

“And I have not forgotten what we started earlier.” His nostrils flare with desire, before he pushes you back, back, back, until you’re against the ship wall once again, and he growls as he clenches his fist into your tunic, before pulling his hand back and tearing. He looks down at your bare chest with adoration, before grabbing you by the throat and throwing you down onto the cot, bouncing slightly as he lifts his own shirt off, revealing burn after burn after burn across his still well-muscled chest, and he walks toward you.

Your whole life, you’ve felt at least somewhat strong. You may not be the biggest, the tallest, or the strongest, but you’ve been capable. You’ve never felt true fear for your life…until now. As this predator, this chosen one, this Sith draws closer, you feel like a dewback being stared down by a massive Krayt Dragon, with rabid hunger and malice in its eyes. He smiles that familiar fanged smile, before leaping onto you, and you can’t help but let out a squeak as he grabs and squeezes everything he can get his hands on.

He grinds against your still-covered core, and his hand finds your waistband before pulling and pulling until you’re bare before him, an art piece before a destroyer.

He leans back for a moment to admire you, before climbing down slowly, staring up at you as he comes closer, closer, closer, kissing his way down your stomach, running his hands along your soft inner thigh, and he stares at your entrance before leaning down and kissing your clit. 

Maker, it’s like you’re being touched by a god, like your very self is being held by divinity. He begins to rub sweet, sweet, beautiful tight little circles into your nub with his tongue, and his fingers trail along your inner thigh before finding your entrance and pressing.

Oh maker he’s thick, stretching you out so perfectly that you can’t help but cry out and cover his fingers with your sticky sweet nectar. He begins to slowly rub into your core, his fingers fluttering gently, and you let out gorgeous little whimpers, whining as he kisses your clit again, and again, pulling back for a moment as his fingers begin to speed up.

You haven’t felt this good in years. You never could find it in yourself to try to pleasure yourself, your mind too preoccupied with thoughts of stress, fear, worry, losing the tight grip you have on your force signature to remain undetected, the pain of losing the people you love and grew up with, and the pain of not being able to find Ani.

But here, but now, his fingers pressing further, further into you, pressing against the spot that makes you squeal, you’re finding it so hard to think. 

Maker, he’s so big, too big, you’re practically soaking his fingers, you can feel the band begin to tighten as he licks, and licks, and licks, tighter, tighter, tighter, tighter, so much impossibly tighter, the pressure building,

He stops, pulling his fingers back. Silent. Empty. Empty. Empty. His face pulled back from you. It’s agony, pure, unfiltered, suffering, your body desperately clenching around emptiness, searching for the pleasure it had, searching for the beautiful full feeling, and as he stares down at you, that malicious smile so carved into his face, you can’t help but cry slightly, welling salty tears filling your eyes.

“Oh, don’t cry, beautiful. I’m not done with you yet.” He crawls over you, his massive chest dwarfing your body, and he plants his elbow above your head before pressing his mouth against yours, so warm and soft and wet and inviting, with the softest hint of salt on his tongue.

He reaches down with his free hand and slowly unzips his pants, before pulling his cock out, and the sight of it just about makes you cry. It’s so big..so perfect, so adored, so… and he pushes.

Maker, if you thought his fingers were big, this is going to break you in half. He presses further, stretching your tight walls apart, before his cock kisses your core gently, and you gasp softly, grasping onto his hand as your chest begins to heave up and down. He pulls back out slowly, his cock rubbing against the soft walls of your center, and then he slams.

Maker, it’s like you’re being smashed by a jackhammer. He pulls and pushes and pulls and pushes, the most beautiful grunts dropping from his breath like flower petals, and you can’t help but sob his name like it’s a prayer like it’s the only word you’ve ever known. He grasps the sheet above your head, growling, and continues slamming himself into you, your bodies rubbing against each other like beautiful friction defining the universe. He forces your mouth open with his tongue, fighting yours for control over your very soul .

Maker, how is he speeding up? How is he so strong, so good, so fast, so hard, the pressure is building like explosions you can hear noise, whose voice is that, is that you? You can’t even tell, you’re so close to that explosion, the pressure is so bright, so tight, so fiery, you’re so overwhelmed, you’re so close, and then it snaps.

You’re like a star, with planets circling you, and you supernova. An explosion sending out across the universe, your force signature flaring bright with a rainbow of colors you couldn’t hope to comprehend, could never hope to understand. Wave after wave after wave after perfect, indescribable wave rush through you like oceans upon oceans upon oceans of desire, your mind’s so gone it’s like it was never there in the first place, you couldn’t even give your name if you tried. There’s a ringing in your ears, your fingers feel so foreign, so tight, they feel androidish. 

He’s still pounding, still going in and out and in and out, you can hear words like Padawan and Love, and without knowing what they mean, you know that you’re loved, for the first time in so, so damn long. He’s sliding in and out with far more ease than before, like your body is expecting, needing him and his warmth.

Padawan, I’m close. Is that his voice, is he speaking? He’s so fast, so deep, so perfectly inside you, so perfectly yours, that the answers to the questions never mattered in the first place.

He jerks a few more times, shaking, and from somewhere far away, you can feel something warm, something hot, something blazing like fiery liquid fill you. He slowly pulls out, smiling, and flops down next to you, panting slightly, and he coughs again. He slowly throws his arms around you, lazy and exhausted, and pulls you tight against him, your legs still numb, core still shaking. How many seconds are in eternity? How many moments measure forever? You don’t know, you’ve never known, you could never know in the first place. But whatever the answer is, you’d be willing to spend the rest of your feeble little life with him, seeing him, knowing him, loving him. Maker, you missed his face, his voice, his smile, everything about you. He watches you, those unfamiliar yellow eyes boring into yours, and for a moment, it’s like there’s streaks of blue, blazoned deep into them, like cracks in a dam about to break open.

“I missed you, Padawan.” He gently runs his thumb along your cheek, the mechanics of the arm creaking and clicking.

“I know.”

[kristiemewisstan]

The Tortured Poets Department: The Anthology Review (or me slowly going from spiraling in excitement to madness to sadness in 1 hour):

The Black Dog-

SO GOOD THIS IS SO GOOD IM YELLING THIS HAS MY FAV PRODUCTIKN THUS FAR I STILL XANT BELIEVE IT EITHER TAYLOR WHAT TGE FUCK | listen 2 cause I was to hype to truly listen, the magic fabric of her dreamin’ 🥺, oh the original father cheated song, DO YOU HATE ME? ooooof the fact that she felt made fun of by him and still went on to do her shit is so strong and I love her, your honor

imgonnagetyouback-

This one is VERY GOLD RUSH and I’m in love (I’m so sorry I’m not gonna be able to be unbiased rn because I’m too fucking excited), the ahh ahhhhs are so GOOOOOOODDDDD

The Albatross-

“One less temptress one less dagger to sharpen” OOF I feel like I’m in terrible danger of a heart attack, Taylor, I-I Love This Song So Much it’s so folklore

Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus-

THIS IS SO GOOOOOOOOOD TAYLOR WHAY THE FUCK MAN, Certified Horse Girl, I’m gonna need to be medicated after this

How Did It End?-

I HEREBY CONDUCT THIS POSTMORTEM IS SUCH A HARD LINE TO START A SONG WITH, the amount of piano overall in these pleases me IMMENSELY, SITTING IN A TREE D-Y-I-N-G yeah Taylor that’s what YOU ARE DOING TO ME

So High School-

THIS IS WHAT I WANTED THE WHOLE ALBUM TO BE, 💯 made to vibe like a coming of age story, “YOU GONNA MARRY KISS OR KILL ME” I LOVE HER, bridge goes HARD

I Hate It Here-

scared to go outside, OH MU GOD JUST THE WHOLE SONG I KEEP WANTING TO WRITE LYRICS DOWN, so folklore, this ones it, ITS IT I LOVE IT SO MUCH

thanK you aIMee-

Oh so we cheated okay Joe I see how it is your days are numbered, SING FUCK YOU AIMEE, HELL YEAH TAYLOR, ID WRIT A THOUSAND SONGS THE YOU FIND UNCOOL, ITS ON SIGHT, OH ITS HAPPY NOW YAY

I Look in People’s Windows-

Okay stalker much lol, this one is sad :(, very pretty though I’m sorry I can’t focus on the lyrics I’m too hype, very folklore so very sad

The Prophecy-

THIS SOUNDS LIKE ANOTHER SONG BUT I CANT PLACE IT it’s gonna kill me, “who do I have to speak to about if they can redo the prophecy” rip my heart out my god, DONT NEED MONEY JUST SOMEONE WHO WANTS MY COMPANY, also a very sad one

Cassandra-

snake mention 🐍, THE ALTO UNDERLAY OH MY GOD, I normally am not the largest fan of vocal layering when it’s this obviously but this is absolutely lovely, this one tells a VERY GOOD story, “BUT THEY NEVER SPARED A BRICK FOR MY SOUL” OOOOOOF

Peter-

the piano started off this song and I immediately smiled and it ends up being such a bittersweet song, “promises oceans deep but never to keep” these songs rip my heart more and more and more, CAUSE LOVES NEVER LOST WHEN PERSPECTIVE IS EARNED this really hurt me, this longing hurts me

The Bolter-

She’s a runner she’s a track star! THE CHORUS ugh I love it Taylor why do you have to be so good, yeah this one was very good and I relate to being scared of commitment after heartache SOOO MUCH

Robin-

“Strings tied to lovers” IM CRYING, “ALL THIS SHOWMANSHIP TO KEEP IT” JOSEPH YOU FUMBLED SO HARD, THE INVISIBLE STRING RIFF IM ALREADY CRYING YOU DIDNT NEED TO DO THAT TO ME, i will never be able to listen to this song and invisible string in the same day I think it’s genuinely break me

The Manuscript-

the opening piano made me close my eyes and take a deep breath in, New Year’s Day vibes BUT SAD, oh god you know what I’ll kill him, I’ll take the hit, she knew what the agony had been for 🥹 fuck

First Listen Overall- 10/10

I have no notes it was everything I dreamed the actual album would be Taylor please let me buy this on vinyl I need to have it in my grasp also please give me the lyrics written out so I can analyze it plz

I don’t have a favorite they are all my favorite you could pay me to choose

[invisibleraven]

Texting each other cute pictures for Rulie plz and thank you?

Julie inhaled the crisp fall air, smiling at the range of colours of the leaves, so different from the palm trees she was used to. But here she was, thousands of miles from LA and the closest beach.

Sure it was hard to be so far away from her friends and family, but the opportunity to study at one of the most prestigious schools in the country was worth it.

She still took a shot of the falling leaves, sending it to Reggie, knowing he would love it, always appreciating a good autumnal shot.

Reggie: Please tell me you're going to find a leaf pilem to jump in.

Julie: If I didn't have a class on the importance of the jazz era I totes would

Reggie: Bah, leaf pile sounds way better than a boring jazz class. Do it Julie, do it for the vine!

Julie: Vine has been gone longer than it was around sweetie

Reggie: TikTok?

Julie chuckles and sends him a kiss emoji, rushing off to class... but maybe stops and kicks up a small pile of leaves, just for the fun of it.

The next day Reggie sends her a picture of a sandcastle he presumably found while doing his lifeguarding gig, but he could have also built knowing him. She misses sand, despite it's ability to get everywhere.

This is what they do when they don't have time to video chat or even make a phone call, they send pictures back and forth. Reggie sending her bits of home, which sometimes make her homesick, but mostly warm her heart. She sends back bits of her day so everyone stops worrying so much.

The long distance thing has been hard on them, but they've made it work. Visiting whenever they can, keeping in constant communication, and as soon as Julie graduates in the spring, she's hell bent on going home.

Reggie had offered to come with her, but the band was getting big at the time, so she urged him to stay. Now they have hits on the radio, and he does jobs part time to keep busy while they aren't recording but doesn't have enough time to come to the East Coast.

Julie wonders what she's going to do with her life back home while her boyfriend gets more and more famous. Her double degree in composition and music therapy could be used wherever. Both Luke and Reggie have offered her a job as the band's song writer, with Luke even saying she's welcome to sing with them.

But Julie, while tempeted, wants to use music to help people in a different way. Sure she might help pen a tune or two, but there's a therapy centre in Los Feliz that helped her mom still make music during chemo that looks like the perfect place for her.

For now, Julie snaps a picture of the hot chocolate she has-towering pile of whipped cream that she knows will make Reggie jealous. He sends back a shot of his beer, bottle dripping condensation, the ocean in the background of his little beach front house.

A house that has all her stuff in it for when she comes back. The house she stays in every time she visits, even if her old room is there and waiting for her.

A house that she is positive has a diamond ring waiting for her, given Reggie once accidently took a picture of it and sent it to her instead of Alex. She had promised him she would act surprised, and he had promised she would be when he asked.

But Julie loved his surprises, though she warned him that if one of them was a puppy without her getting to meet it first they were having a long conversation about it.

If he had sent her pictures of his various visits to the animal shelter after that, Julie became a little bit suspicious, but she did help pick out Ellie during her visit the summer. Now she got daily shots of Ellie, and Reggie got pictures of the little toys and accessories Julie bought her.

Pictures of course weren't enough, they didn't substitute the real thing. But May was only a few short months away, and Julie could survive on them until then.

But she knew when she got home, the first thing she was doing was getting a million shots of her and Reggie, reunited at least to decorate the walls of them home with.

[aristocratic-otter]

Getting to Know Me (and You)

Thanks for the tag, @bazzybelle!

1. 3 ships I really like right now: This is hard for me for a very different reason...I really only like one ship at a time and I'm hardcore loyal to the ship for literal years. That said, I'll scrabble up a number 2 and 3, but my OTP is, to no-one's surprise:

SnowBaz: I've never found any couple in any form of media as endlessly interesting and inspiring as these boys. They're both so difficult in such different ways, and yet both so loveable. I simultaneously want to hug them until they heal and shake them until they see sense lol. But I guess that's what fic writing is for!

Andreil: These boys are even bigger disasters than Simon and Baz, so of course I Iove them. But I've never felt the slightest urge to write about them, so that love is a far distant second.

Elliot Schafer/ Luke Sunborn: Again, I love these flawed, lovely boys, but I don't even think about them often enough to know if there's a ship name for them!

2. First ever ship: Err...probably a pair of my little ponies or care bears or something. The first I remember is She-ra and Seahawk from the OG She-ra series. The first one I really cared about was Mulder and Scully from X-files.

3. Last song: @foolofabookwyrm-activated would laugh, because I honestly think my most recent song was Never Gonna Give You Up, when I rickrolled my last class today. Other than that? I remember hearing Phoenix, by Fallout Boy on the drive home? My music taste is kinda all over the place, but if I had to pin point a style, I'd have to say songs from movie soundtracks 😂

4. Last movie: Oh god...it's been so fucking long since I sat through a whole movie. I'm sure it was whatever Marvel or Pixar or Disney movie that came to theatres most recently? Hell, maybe it was the Barbie Movie. I do remember seeing that in theatres over the summer.

5. Currently reading: SnowBaz fanfiction, pretty much always. I've gotten terrible about finishing novels as life has grown busier and more chaotic. I think the last one I finished was maybe Ocean's Echo?

6. Currently watching: My favorite dancer on Tik Tok (for fic inspiration and also just because he's amazing).

7. Currently eating: Nothing.

8. Currently craving: Nothing--upset stomach tonight, food sounds blech.

I'm not sure if there were tagging rules for this, but I'd love to here from @cutestkilla, @artsyunderstudy, @ivelovedhimthroughworse, @frjsti, @carryonsimoncarryonbaz, @fatalfangirl, @facewithoutheart, @you-remind-me-of-the-babe, @moodandmist, and @giishu

[cosmicdreamgrl]

hi steph!!! not to sound like a broken record but thank you AGAIN for your beautiful sets that you made for me 🤍 but i also want to thank you for your song selections submitted to annie!! pink light always makes me think of you too <3 and i didn’t know the bipolar sunshine song but seems i have a new artist to check out which i always appreciate! finally, another thank you to you for being a friend to me and making me feel seen and loved in many ways <3 hope you have a wonderful day!! let me know if you want to chat/watch something next weekend! 🥰

hi love, you are more than welcome; ngl the second one was a spontaneous decision, i'd been meaning to gif that for you for awhile and then i was like 'oh what the hell the more the merrier, right?' and that's how we got there lol. i mean, how was i going to suggest anything else? from both our convos and posts we've reblogged, i know just how much you adore the song so it was second nature and ooh, i love bipolar sunshine, i've been listening to him for a good bit now. although admittedly if i had known the oceanic theme in advance, i might've suggested something else for jin's playlist. oh well, major love is a bop, everyone is welcome

now i'm emotional, i couldn't be more grateful to have you for a friend as well; after a lot of attempts at making online friends and seeing every single one i loved disappear without a trace or burn a bridge? i kept my distance from anyone for a bit, i didn't know if i could deal with more loss on that end. but then i rejoined tumblr and found you and despite it all, you found a way into my heart and there you shall stay forever. thank you for all of the warmth, outpouring of love and understanding you've shown in the time we've known each other. i am honoured to call you a friend, i truly am <3

okay, that's enough of me being sappy 😅 i hope you have a wonderful weekend, i hope all of us showed you just how much you are loved and appreciated not only in the community but amongst ourselves too. i look forward to catching up with you next sunday :) i adore you wbk, take care 💗

[sprinklrsplashes]

oceans and engines part ii | b.b

Summary: it's been 10 years since Dove and Bradley have seen each other and they find themselves running into each other in a bar somewhere in Hawaii. They both have everything that they had ever dreamed of but they still have unfinished business.

Pairing: Bradley Bradshaw x ofc (unnamed and referred to as Dove)

Genre/content warning: angst (I can't help myself, I love pain 🥲) but there is a happy ending, swearing

A/N: this has been sitting (unfinished) in my drafts for a while but I finally finished it over the past couple of days so here is part 2 to oceans and engines, which if you have not read part 1, you can find that right here). I hope you enjoy this and I may be back to do some more writing over the next couple of weeks/months depending on how much free time I have.

Bradley doesn't believe in fate or destiny. Every choice, every decision he has made has been calculated and thought through, consequences and all. None of it was down to fate but it sure feels like it seeing his Dove in a bar somewhere in Hawaii. He rubs his eyes and has to look twice because he can't quite believe his eyes, but there she was on that stage. Her hair was different, her skin was sunkissed from what he assumed was the Californian sun and her cheekbones more defined, but he couldn't mistake her singing voice or the glow she had when she performed. She was electric and she has always been. There's a part of him that makes him want to walk out because as much as it was good to see her, it also hurt a hell of a lot as well. 10 years had passed but it still sometimes felt as raw as it did when she left, and though he had forgiven her, he couldn't forget the unbearable pain he felt that morning he woke up to find her gone with nothing but a note. But he couldn't tear his eyes away from her and the way she moved up there with her band made him think that she made the right decision; he had everything he had ever dreamed of and so did she. He just didn't have her. 

"This last song was one of the first ever songs I wrote and recorded and maybe one of my most personal. I was 22, heartbroken and moving across the country alone. It was maybe the most terrifying but exhilarating thing I have ever done but I had to make some sacrifices. Sometimes the hardest part of loving someone is knowing when to let go. There's that saying: if you love someone, set them free. If they come back they're yours; if they don't, well, then it wasn't meant to be. And I think I believe that. Maybe that's the hopeless romantic in me but I probably wouldn't be a musician if I wasn't, right? Anyways, thank you so much. You have been a pleasure. This last one's called Oceans and Engines." 

It's all a bit too much for him, seeing her here, hearing her sing about him. Over the years he had imagined what it'd be like to see his little Dove again and the things that he would say to her. In the beginning, all he wanted to do was yell at her and tell her that deciding to break up wasn't a decision for her to make (he would never do such a thing because he knew the moment he sees her lip quiver, he’d crumble completely and forget about the things that he was so mad about). But now, he just wants to tell her how proud he is of her. And despite everything, he still loves her. Honestly, he doesn't think he has ever stopped. Sure he had dated other women since, but none of them were her. 

He hears the door open and a group of drunk girls leaving the bar before it swings shut again, leaving him in peace. The sound of footsteps follows shortly before stopping. 

"I thought I saw you in the crowd there. I couldn't be sure though, sometimes I think I see you everywhere even when you're not really there," she laughs nervously and though he's not looking at her, he knows she's doing that thing where she plays with the ends of her hair when she's nervous. "Are you actually real or have I had far too many tequila shots and gone temporarily insane?" 

His breath hitches in his throat when her hand reaches out to squeeze his arm; images of nights spent with her delicate fingers gripping onto him as he made love to her all night long flashed in his head. He can’t think of her like that, not now when he wanted to be mad at her. It was unfair of Bradley to still hold this thing over her head but he needed to know how much it hurt him. He wrapped his hand around her wrist and took her hand off him. 

Her heart sinks and she can’t mask the flash of pain and betrayal in her eyes quick enough from Bradley but she knows she deserved that. She was the only one to blame for this fraught relationship between them. In another life, they could have been married by now. She thought about this often, what her life could have been if she didn’t pack up her bags to fulfil her hopes and dreams. Would she have been happier? That was the question that haunted her when she was staring at the ceiling in the middle of the night. Maybe she could have been, or they could have ended up like most college relationships — staying together when the relationship was way past the expiration date but neither one knows how to end it so eventually someone cheats, or they stick it out and get engaged because that’s what they think should happen and they end up in a lifeless marriage. That’s the answer that helps her move on from thinking about her could-have-been life with Bradley but deep down, she knew it would have probably been far from it. 

"You were good out there," Bradley breaks the awkward silence unable to bear the uncomfortable tension between them. "I'm glad you got everything you ever wanted." 

There's a slight bitterness in him that makes him want to ask Dove if it was worth it but he knew what the answer would be. It would be the same if she asked him the same question. Yes, a hundred times, yes. 

"Thanks. You look like you're doing well too," she notes as she studies him like she’s trying to remember every single aspect of him, even though she probably could draw Bradley from memory if she had to. Though he isn't in uniform, she noticed the dog tags peeking out of his horrendous Hawaiian shirt that he picked and she couldn't miss those arms straining against the flimsy fabric of his shirt. God, she couldn't stop thinking about the things they could do now. Taking her against the wall with his dog tags against his bare chest, his fingers digging into her hips hard enough to leave bruises the next day showing that she is his and only his. Such sinful things they could be doing but he hates her guts now so those fantasies will never come to fruition. 

"Yeah, I am." 

Her lips purse together as he sticks to answers that leave no form for further conversation and she can feel her eyes getting glassy. It's stupid and she knows she deserves this but after 10 years, she figured there wasn't any hard feelings between them and they had both moved on (though she never truly did). "I know I fucked up but that was 10 years ago. I will never be able to tell you how sorry I am so can you actually try to have some sort of conversation with me?" 

He can hear the slight tremble in her voice, the pleading in her voice that resembled the same as his whenever he heard himself begging her to stay in his dreams. It nearly makes him feel bad for the humourless laugh that escapes his lips. "You can't just expect me to act like you didn't just pack your bags in the middle of the night and just leave without saying a word. You shattered my heart, Dove. I loved you so much that it scared me more than anything; sometimes I think I would have given it all up just to be with you and that scares me but despite it all, I still wanted to be with you. There was a time I couldn't imagine a life without you by my side and sometimes I still can't even though it's been 10 years."

Silence falls between them as she begins to process his words, only to find that she can only cling to the last few. She doesn't even think Bradley's registered what has just come out of his mouth. "You still think about me?" she asks him looking up through her eyelashes, unable to look at him as she asks the question she needed to know the answer to. Her chest feels tight as she's holding her breath for his response.

Bradley cursed under his breath; she wasn't supposed to know that but now he's said it, he figures there’s no going back. "Yeah, I do," he admits as he runs his hand through his messy curls. 

Maybe it's the tequila running through her veins or the rush of knowing that Bradley still thought of her even now, but there's a streak of boldness that washes over her. It's something she had never been able to admit out loud (because doing so meant she had thrown away one of the best things in her life for nothing). "Same here. I don't think I've ever stopped. I think about you every time a plane flies across the sky, I think about you every time I see a piano, I think about you every time I hear Great Balls of Fire. It’s stupid but sometimes when I’m on tour, I’ll look up where the closest naval bases are and pray that we’ll cross paths. Sometimes I think leaving you was my biggest regret. I'm sorry for leaving the way I did. I'm sorry for everything." 

He can't help but crumble when her voice breaks at the end and reaches across to wipe the tears that have fallen down her cheeks. Suddenly it's like no time has passed and they're 20 years old again. Then she looks at him with those big doe eyes and he's falling in love with her all over again. There's that familiar flutter in his stomach, something he didn't think he'd feel again after she left and it's then that he decides that he can't let her get away, not for a second time.

Before he can even stop himself his lips are on hers, hot and desperate, fingers holding tight onto her waist like she's going to disappear any second. Not this time. He won't let her slip through his fingers again. She whimpers his name softly against his lips and he thinks that this must be what heaven feels like but she brings them crashing back to Earth. 

"Wait, wait, wait," her mouth is saying one thing but her hands are saying another as her fingers are tangled in his hair and she's sighing in his mouth. He pulls away from her lips and begins making his way to her neck. It had been years since they had been together but it was scary how easy it was to fall back into old routines. He still could note every spot that makes her weak in the knees, point out every scar, mole and freckle on her body. Hell, he probably knew her body better than his own. "Bradley, we can't." 

"Why not? What's stopping us?" 

"This, us, our careers. We have everything we've ever wanted. You and I both know that it's not going to work." She's stumbling over her words after that kiss. Being so close to Bradley makes it hard for her to think clearly. It's as if she can hear herself saying all these words but inside she's screaming at herself, begging not to push him away. 

He curses at her, his jaw tensed and his eyes harden. "Don't do this. Stop running away from me. I love you. Always have and always will. And I know you love me too, goddammit. You can deny it all you want but I know you, Dove. What are you so scared of?" His voice drops, eyes soften as he brushes her hair behind her ear and strokes her cheek. 

Her eyes dart across his face, never quite making eye contact. He'll see right through her if she looks into those eyes and she wants this to be easy. He knows her too well though and knows what she’s doing, "Look at me, please." 

She's unsure whether she's shaking because the beer jacket has now worn off and she's beginning to feel the evening breeze or because of her nerves. Bradley Bradshaw tended to have that effect on her. 

He whispers her name and repeats, "What are you so scared of? We can work through this together. Me and you as a team, like we were before." 

There's an urge to pull away now and run as far as she can, but she owes him this much. She figures she can't keep running away from Bradley. One thing that she loves and hates is his annoying persistence and she knew that one way or another he would have tracked her down and gotten her to crack. He was good like that. He knew her far too well. 

"That's what I'm scared of. I don't want you to put me in front of your dreams. I don't want to be the thing holding you back. I don't want to be the thing you'll resent in 20, 30 years when we're married with kids living in some lifeless suburb." 

His eyes shine even in the dim lighting of the parking lot, "You think about having kids with me?" 

In any other circumstance, she probably would have rolled her eyes and laughed. "Is that the only thing you took from what I said? Of course, I thought about that. At one point, I thought you were it for me and I couldn't imagine a life with anyone else. Sometimes I still can't." 

"Stop making decisions for me. Have you ever considered that maybe I want that kind of life that you just described? I want to have a family with you and grow old in some suburban home with a nice little picket fence and grass that is some unnatural shade of green. Yes, I love flying but I love you so much more and I'd rather die than spend another day not waking next to you." 

"Even so, I'm in LA and you're wherever you are now. We live different lives, it won't work." 

"San Diego. I've been stationed in San Diego for a few months now. Dove, honey, stop trying to make excuses for us. We can do it this time, I know we can but if you really don't want this, just look me in the eyes and say no." 

She can't do it. She chews on her lip as she gets lost in his warm eyes and sees a flash of fear but it doesn't last long. He's just as scared as she is, maybe even more. After all, it was her who left him heartbroken all these years so he had more to lose. For Bradley to put his pride aside and pour his heart out to her when she stomped on his 10 years ago was possibly one of the bravest things he had ever done and the man flies fighter jets for a living. 

After what felt like an eternity, she finally replies, "Okay." 

"Okay?" 

"Yeah, okay. I can move to San Diego with you, to be honest, maybe it's for the best because my rent in LA is painful. I'm a musician so really, I can make music anywhere and I can always travel to LA for business meetings or whatever, so okay." 

He laughs under his breath as she talks herself through the logistics of moving her life from LA to San Diego. It was these little things that he had missed and loved about Dove. "Who said anything about moving in with me?" 

Her cheeks flushed red as she stuttered but then she saw the corner of his mouth quirk up in that annoying way that told her he was just teasing. "You're such an asshole." 

"Ah, you've missed me really." 

"Every single day." 

"Same here." 

"Take me home, Lieutenant Bradshaw?" 

"Gladly." 

[florahydevt]

Get to Know Me tag game!!

tagged by my wonderful boy @torstenerikssonvt

RULES: bold the ones that are true and tag people to do it.

APPEARANCE

Blonde hair // I prefer loose clothing to tight clothing // I have one or more piercings // I have at least one tattoo //I have dyed or highlighted my hair // I have gotten plastic surgery* // I have or had braces // I sunburn easily // I have freckles // I paint my nails // I typically wear makeup // I don’t often smile // I am pleased with how I look // I prefer Nike to Adidas // I wear baseball hats backwards

*idk if it counts as plastic surgery seeing as it wasn't for aesthetic choices as much as mobility purposes, but as a kid I had a reconstructive surgery on my left shoulder due to Erb's Palsy (also during said surgery I had a horrible allergic reaction to the anesthesia and ended up flat lining lol)

HOBBIES AND TALENTS

I play a sport // I can play an instrument // I am artistic // I know more than one language* // I have won a trophy in some sort of competition // I can cook or bake without a recipe // I know how to swim // I enjoy writing* //I can do origami // I prefer movies to tv shows // I can execute a perfect somersault // I enjoy singing* // I could survive in the wild on my own // I have read a new book series this year// I enjoy spending time with friends // I travel during work or school breaks // I can do a handstand

First *: I took Spanish for three years in high school, forgot most of it, and am slowly regaining my knowledge thanks to my coworkers who only speak Spanish. All of that to say, I sound like a moron but I can get my point across. Lo siento orz

Second *: Literally my favorite thing in the world and the one thing I feel confident in.

Third *: Thanks to being pushed into choir (and by extension drama) classes my entire school career, I fell out of love with singing for many years. But now I belt out my fav songs like Patti Lupone without the talent and enjoy the hell out of myself lol

RELATIONSHIP

I am in a relationship // I have been single for over a year // I have a crush // I have a best friend who I’ve known for ten years // my parents are together // I have dated my best friend // I am adopted // My crush has confessed to me // I have a long distance relationship // I am an only child // I give advice to my friends // I have made an online friend* // I met up with someone I have met online

*I've made many and I love all of you <3

AESTHETICS

I have heard the ocean in a conch shell // I have watched the sun rise // I enjoy rainy days // I have slept under the stars // I meditate outside // the sound of chirping calms me // I enjoy the smell of the beach // I know what snow tastes like // I listen to music to fall asleep // I enjoy thunderstorms // I enjoy cloud watching // I have attended a bonfire // I pay close attention to colors // I find mystery in the ocean // I enjoy hiking on nature paths // autumn is my favorite season

MISCELLANEOUS

I can fall asleep in a moving vehicle // I am the mom friend // I live by a certain quote // I like the smell of sharpies // I am involved in extracurricular activities // I enjoy Mexican food // I can drive a stick shift // I believe in true love // I make up scenarios to fall asleep // I sing in the shower // I wish I lived in a video game // I have a canopy above my bed // I am multiracial // I am a redhead // I own at least 3 dogs

tagging @m1lk-ch3rry @dollymollynanika and @keiirisruevt !!!

[propertyoftoru]

Tag game: Get to know me!

Thank you @abiaswreck for the tag! :] 🖤

1. Birthday?

8/11 (me and binnie are birthday twins)

2. Favorite color?

I'll say black but i dont really have a favorite!

3. How tall are you?

5’5 (and 3/4 thank you very much)

4. How many pair of shoes to you own?

somewhere around 14 idk i gave up on counting

5. Favorite song?

for skz probably ssick or easy but not skz probably ohio is for lovers by hawthorne heights

6. Favorite movie?

oh probably either the scream movies or unironically the twilight movies (theyre my childhood comfort movies)

7. Who would be your ideal partner?

Someone who makes me laugh and takes the time to understand me.

8. Do you want children?

I've said no for a really long time but i think if i met the right person and the circumstances were ideal then maybe.

9. Have you gotten in trouble with the law?

Not really other than a few times of being a stupid teenager nothing serious though. Watching my parents screw up a lot when i was young probably had a lot to do with that.

10. What color socks are you wearing?

oh god i hate socks so much. i only wear them when i have to and not a second longer.

11. Favorite type of music?

this is such a cliché but i really do listen to everything. edm, pop, pop punk, metal, sad songs, happy songs, hell on occasion even a tiny bit of country (only carrie underwood lets not get carried away)

12. How many pillows do you sleep with?

2! One horizontal and one vertical. Kinda like a half body pillow i guess? idk i have to be hugging something to fall asleep.

13. What position do you sleep in?

im a diagnosed insomniac so really whatever position my body finally passes out in... there's a lot of tossing and turning most nights.

14. What don’t you like when you’re sleeping?

Bright lights (a tv or any sort of light on an appliance) or dead silence i need a fan or rain or SOMETHING.

15. Have you tried archery?

Yeah actually my grandfather used to take me hunting when i was younger. I never actually killed anything but i got pretty good at hitting cans and targets :]

16. Favorite fruit?

ohhhhh either strawberries or blackberries or pineapple... idk i love fruit so much.

17. Are you a good liar?

I can be when I have to be. I hate lying though it always brings drama and negative energy.

18. What’s your personality type?

INFP-T

19. Innie or outie?

Innie

20. Left or right handed?

Both! but I mostly use my right!

21. Favorite food?

Pineapple pizza (fight me Christopher Bang)

22. Favorite foreign food?

Oh my grandmother makes Jag on special occasions and its one of my favorites. Other than that as of recently ive been eating japchae so much i literally have a craving for it like every other day.

23. Are you clean or messy?

sigh. my room? depression disaster area. Everything else in my life? Severe OCD neat freak (im talking labels, sorted by color and size, the whole nine yards)

24. Most used phrase?

buh. it really has no meaning its just a sound i make about 200 times a day. i also swear like a sailor so if not buh then probably cunt or fuck.

25. How long does it take you to get ready?

Depends on where im going and whos gonna be there. anywhere from 10 minutes to 45 minutes.

26. Do you talk to yourself?

Of course, im the funniest and smartest person i know. (on a real note my hyperactive imagination goes crazy so i spend most days rambling to myself about nonsense.)

27. Do you sing to yourself?

All day everyday like im in a fucking musical or something.

28. Are you a good singer?

Eh. ive been told i am but i think i could be decent if i took lessons.

29. Biggest fear?

Sharks/The ocean (its more a fear of the unknown because what the fuck even lives down there)

30. Are you a gossip?

Absolutely not. I learned my lesson in middle/high school that shit brings nothing but bad vibes and negative energy.

31. Long or short hair?

I wish i could say short because my hair drives me crazy most days but i also hate how i look with short hair so long i suppose.

32. Favorite school subject?

English or Criminal Justice/Forensics

33. Extrovert or introvert?

introvert but situational extrovert (ill be extroverted if theres someone more introverted than me solely because i cannot stand awkward tension) not quite an ambivert but somewhere close to one.

34. What make you nervous?

Groups of super outgoing people. I always get too afraid to talk in fear of ruining the flow of conversation or being talked over.

35. Who was your first crush?

idk probably justin bieber or nick jonas

36. How many piercings do you have?

4. Both of my ears and both of my nipples. i want to get my bellybutton done soon though.

37. How many tattoos do you have?

9 but im hoping to work on my leg sleeve again soon.

38. How fast can you run?

Depends on whos chasing me.

39. What color is your hair?

Brown right now. It was half black half blonde but i wanted to focus on getting my hair healthy for a while.

40. What color are your eyes?

Blue/Green/Gray depends on who you ask and the lighting in the room.

41. What makes you angry?

Not much im a pretty calm person but when im playing video games thats a different story.

42. Do you like your name?

No. My father chose it and i dont speak to him.

43. Do you want a boy to girl as a child?

IF i had a kid i would want a boy 100%. As someone whos mother had 3 babies when i was 16/17/18 i can confidently say little girls are the spawns of the devil and little boys are rays of sunshine.

44. What are your strengths?

Mental fortitude and my empathy for others.

45. What are your weaknesses?

I give second (and third and fourth) chances to people that do not deserve it.

46. What’s the color of your bedspread?

Light gray but i keep lots and lots of blankets around too.

47. What’s the color of your room?

Gray and dark blue.

Tagging for fun! Ignore if you don’t want it do it! Or ignore if you don’t feel comfortable!: @bbyquokka @lino-ppang @alphadisaster @aspenwritesstuff +anyone that wants to do this.

[nioice]

It's on 8tracks and starts with If I Had A Heart by Fever Ray

If I Had A Heart - Fever Ray Jado's a krawl, he's empty of empathy, so has no heart. "This will never end, 'cause I want more." He's gluttonous for power, as shown in Beyond the Portals when he absorbs the other highkrawls' remains and begs Krux for more power and energy after his last defeat in that game. The song is a lot more somber than canon Jado is, while it fits my fanfic post-canon version of him where he survives the attack in Kaio and becomes a more jaded and menacing person.

Ice Cream Truck - Montana Of 300 Destruction, chaos, and violence. Krawl overrun civilizations that can't fight them with spectrobes or other effective weapons like it's nothing. Jado's part of that and enjoys it.

Haifisch - Rammstein Song about sharks. Jado pointy teeth. Also Rammstein Slaps and I used to listen to the song a lot as a teen. That's all. The lyrics don't really fit Jado at all. From what I understand and interpret it as the song's about tough people sticking together, being compared to sharks - you never see sharks cry because they live in water so the tears are invisible. I think if Jado were to cry he'd bawl like a mf in the open and the highkrawl don't stick together at all, so that's no fit...

Duality - Slipknot Bonkers going crazy song. Jado looks like a guy who could absolutely lose it to me. I think he's in a lot of pain being Krux's thumb, never living up to expectations and emotionally and physically abused.

Tube of Medusa Remix - FlashBaron Tube of Medusa imo is a hell level in the game Ecco Tides of Tide. The jellyfish gave child me anxiety and dread. It's marine animals + ocean/water setting game and level, so the connection there is that Jado is flash/water element.

Tangential Friend - PengoSolvent No real thought put into this aside me liking the song back when I made the playlist and thinking the vibe of the tune would fit in with Jado! But: "And I just know ; I nod because I can't stop you." Agreeing with Krux because own agency isn't tolerated? I can draw more connection throught that lol. The song is full of energy but sad, kind of anxious. The more orchestral parts of the song make me think about trying to rise to something higher, so Jado trying to show he's worth something, but never managing to do so. He's just a small non-threat, like the light chime-like notes being hit throughout the entire song.

Assassinations - Stateless Song has a creepy, lurking sound. Jado kills people, and the highkrawl around above considering to kill each other (not shown, but I assume so) and their leader (shown, if I remember right. I think Maja considered overthrowing Krux? I might misremember). "You can't stop whatever is 'round the corner" Jado very much has 'monster/shadow lurking right around the corner' vibes.

Lost It To Trying (Mouths Only Lying) - Son Lux He tried three times shown in canon to beat the main protag, prove himself, and talked a lot of empty smack in the process. This song's about the idea of him realizing this and wallowing in the shame and directionlessness of his failure.

I'm Not Done - Fever Ray About every time in canon he comes back after being assumed defeated/dead and my post-canon fanfic where he survives again and comes back stronger for real this time.

Thanks so much for asking! It was so nice to come back to this old playlist.

I have another playlist for him on my Youtube channel 23 pants. The fanfic I mentioned is called 邪道 | subject to change and on Archive Of Our Own / AO3, but still in its early stages of the plot.

[lassusog]

Friend, dear, you know this ask was inevitable, right?:)

Anyway, "Your Warmth Against My Scars" is one of my all time favorite works ever, so of course I'd love to hear more about it - questions 4, 5 and 14 in particular 👀 (and 13, but more like an additional one, ahah, because I just have a soft spot for music inspirations, if you had/have any at the moment)

But! I love love love "we're under the same sky and I can hear your voice" too, so let's say 1, 11 (and same additional 13) for this one, if you feel like talking more:)

Thank you, friend:)

For Your Warmth Against My Scars

4: What's your favourite line of dialogue?

My favourite line is one Riza says to Roy at the end of Chapter 3: Part 2 (But [...] you). It's the climax to a very emotionally charged scene and I'm happy that it's what closes it.

5: What part was hardest to write?

Everything :) It was the first thing I'd written in about four years and I was incredibly out of practice. Chapter one was hell to get through, specifically. It turned out okay in the end, but if I were to re-write it now I'd fine-tune a lot of things.

14: Is there anything you wanted readers to learn from reading this fic?

Learn is a strong word, but I'd like this fic to be a gentle reminder that you're allowed to have bad days and terrible days and truly awful days. And that you're also allowed to ask for help and that doing so does not equate to failure on your part. (Does this sound pretentious?)

13: Heat Lightning, by Mitski was a big influence for this.

For We're under the same sky and I can hear your voice

1: What inspired you to write the fic this way?

Does "this way" refer to one's writing style? If so, Ocean Vuong, Banana Yoshimoto and Mohshin Hamid are authors I really look up to. Their writing is quiet and introspective, but forces through so much emotion.

11: What do you like best about this fic?

The dialogue, I think. I had a lot of fun writing Riza's responses, specifically.

13: I have no song for this, I'm afraid!

[aviel-the-trans-bucket]

So I’m listening through “Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge today for my walk down mcr memory lane, and these are my thoughts.

Ive listened to some songs on revenge unlike bullets in which I hadn’t listened to any of the songs previously, so most of these I’ve listened to repeatedly but some I haven’t listened to at all.

Helena: Absolute banger, absolute classic. A song I listen to frequently and it moves right through you. One of my personal favorites and for good reason. Not to mention it’s iconic music video. The chorus fucks hard just fucking great.

Give ‘Em Hell Kid: Ok this one is new to me. Funky guitar opening which I love from them. Oh fuck yea audio distortion tasty. This one absolutely fucks man. I love this vibe, It’s got a good pulse to it.

To The End: another one I hadn’t listened to yet. Oh this one is fun, vibes vibes huh 🏳️‍🌈. Marry me burry me huh, some 30 seconds shit lol. This one definitely feels like the music of the era, I like it. Not alot of thoughts, but I don’t have many in general.

You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us In Prison: another new listen for me. Oh I love this vibe. Love the beat. Oh I love this, like I love the way this sounds. Also 🏳️‍🌈. Guitar is going apeshit yea this might be a new favorite.

I’m Not Ok (I Promise): Gay highschool dweeb anthem. I’m gay highschool dweeb 😞 (now in my 20s). Another one I listen to regularly and also one of my all time favorites. *Vibes as hell (*=🏳️‍🌈). Iconic Iconic iconic music vid. One of the most iconic openings. Just in general one of my favorite songs in like general not just by mcr. Man I need to rewatch the music vid again.

The Ghost Of You: 🫡. I listen to this one when it comes on, but not all the time. Rip Mikey. Opening part is very wibbly good brain feel vibes. Nice texture. Shit moves through you, let it rock you like the ocean.

The Jetset Life Is Gonna Kill You: another I hadn’t heard yet. Ooo good rhythm and the organ. Oh this one fucks. I dig this. Chorus really slaps. I like this one, maybe not love yet but It might grow on me, I’m definitely listening again for the chorus.

Interlude: 58 second interlude, never heard this either. Oh I like this. This is very pretty. Gorgeous ok let’s get our shit rocked by venom.

Thank You For The Venom: a personal fav like in my top 20 mcr songs. Guitar goes particularly hard and it’s fucks so severely. Actively headbanging. Hallelujah, lock and load is such a fucking vibe. Christ I love this one so much, I should listen to this more.

Hang ‘Em High: another new listen. Oh hell yea yehaw vibes and heavy guitar. Oh yes this fucks, this fucks HARD. I love cowboy vibes, I was raised on country radio so it’s like permanently ingrained in my brain. This one might be another new fav damn,

It’s Not A Fashion Statement, It’s A Deathwish: I’ve listened it a few times but not much. Really tasty opening guitar. It slaps really hard. Doesn’t quite fuck but does slap. This song really does embody the word “Vengance” tho, a good vibe you can rock to.

Cemetery Drive: I love this song so fucking much. Definitely in my top 20 of all mcr song ranking. I love this one to death, it’s just one I love the sound of the most. Slaps like hell. Way down, way down, way down, way down, way down, way down, way down, way down, waaaaaay doooown.

I Never Told You What I Do For A Living: last song I hadn’t heard on the album. Masters of good guitar openings. Oh yea this fucks also vibes 🏳️‍🌈. Maybe not in the lyrics but this song feels gay. Yea I like the pulse of this one and it does fuck. It’s got that energy. Oh we screaming now fuck yea. Oh fuck oh hello vocals 😳. His voice just did things to my brain.

(Bonus) Bury Me In Black: this was on the playlist but wasn’t on the song list I pulled from Wikipedia. Ok another new listen to close us out. Oh damn distortion nice. Hardcore, this one rocks. Slaps hard hard. Is pretty good but maybe not a favorite.

Absolutely regret not listening to the full album sooner, a great listen and a fun time going through some of my old favorites again. My top 5 of the album would have to be…

1: Helena

2: I’m Not Okay (I promise)

3: Cemetery Drive

4:Thank You For The Venom

5:The Jetset Life Is Gonna Kill You

6: (honorable mention) Hang ‘Em High (she fucks)

So I had a good time and can’t wait to get caught up on the rest of the music I missed. Next up will be the black parade which I’ve fully listened to already but feel free to send asks containing songs I might miss if they aren’t on the 4 main albums or conventional weapons. I might even do the solo stuff post breakup once I get through the albums

[peach-coke]

Get to know the blogger 💕

Thank you so much for tagging me dear @dyed-red ヽ(〃ᵕ〃)ﾉ 💕 I’m late as always BUT HERE WE GOOO!

Name: Peachy

Sign: Cancer (Libra Ascendant)

Height: 5′5 (166cm)

Birthday: July 1st

Time: Never enough lol

Favorite band/artists: Yeah, no idea tbh. I mostly listen to Rock, so Metallica, AC/DC and all the classics I guess? I’m also particularly fond of Shinedown, Volbeat and tAKiDA but I usually have favorite songs, not really favorite bands

Last movie: I’m rewatching the Alien movies in chronological order atm, so Alien: Covenant :>

Last show: House of the Dragon

When I created this blog: I’ve been lurking for longer but I gave in and made a blog around 2011ish I think? And then I just didn’t use it for another couple years lol

What I post: Gifs, sometimes Art. Mostly Supernatural and other Horror adjacent shows, movies and games. What can I say, weirdly codependent people and f*cked up dynamics are my jam!

Last thing I googled: How to calculate ascendants so I can answer the second question properly, 'cause who the hell knows something like this

Other blogs: I have a couple sideblogs but I don’t really use any of them. I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’m a horrible multifandom-mess on main lmao

Do I get asks: I mean. Yeah, sometimes but not very often

Following: It used to be around 400, I think? But then I had a bug that kind of wiped a huge amount of blogs I’ve been following, so I’m currently at 260

Average hours of sleep: 4 - 6, if I’m lucky - Yes, I', well aware of the fact that I suck at basic human functions lmao

Instruments: I tried to learn to play the guitar during lockdown... Well, I still can’t play it but now I own a guitar, so yay?

What I’m wearing: Wouldn’t you like to know? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 

Dream job: idk I’ve heard there’s people who clean penguins with little brushes, that sounds pretty neat? Otherwise I’d probably rock as a Cicerone or a Private Island Caretaker - Please hire me if you have a Private Island that needs to be taken care of, I'm fun at parties and always bring beer

Dream trip: If it involves the ocean, I’m game wherever, whenever, always. Man, I miss New Zealand.

Nationality: German

Favorite songs: Oh great, here we go. I have... A lot. Like, really. So I’m just gonna go with the first three that pop into my mind: “Monsters” by Shinedown, “Highway to Hell” by AC/DC and “Viva La Victoria” by Eclipse

Last book I read: I did a reread of Fire and Blood before the show aired :>

3 fiction universes I’d live in: Oh wow. Uh... You know what, screw three options, just beam me into the Pokémon world lmao

Tagging: @aborddelimpala, @acklesforlife, @casa-neurotica, @dragonardhill, @ficforthought, @savages-weapons​, @ukenceto​, @wendibird​ and everyone who want's to do this! - As always, no pressure tho! 💕

[what-if-nct]

Tagged by @jonghyuns-husband, thank you for tagging me!!!

•what was your ultimate bias doing at the exact moment they became your ult?

Yixing was crying right after EXO won their first win. That made my heart melt into a puddle.

•if you were stranded on an island, which idol would you want to be stranded with, and which one would you wanna toss back into the ocean?

I want to be stranded with Kyungsoo I feel like he'd know what to do and have everything under control I just know he has survival skills. Baekhyun's getting tossed into the ocean, he'll be as useless as me but more annoying.

•name the kpop song you go to when a non-kpop friend hands you the aux.

Double Knot, you can never go wrong with Double Knot.

•alternatively, if you’ve had aux privileges revoked due to kpop, name the song that took away your right to have the aux.

Cat & Dog - TXT, I'm already on thin ice for playing 21st Century Vampire by huddy. If I play Cat & Dog I'm getting kicked out of the car. As much as I love Cat & Dog, I just know. I just know. I'd play Sticker before i play Cat & Dog in the presence of a non kpop fan.

•if your bias hadn’t debuted in their group, what other group could you see them being in (and why)?

Exo cause Johnny was almost in exo, it's the only choice.

•what’s the funniest thing your ult has ever done?

When Yixing completely lost his mind when all of those birds were tormenting that poor man. He just gave his sanity up. When Johnny drove off without Mark and Doyoung. And When Bangchan lost his sanity over spicy ramen, he was just fighting for his life.

•have you ever been biaswrecked into having more than one bias? if so, who was it, and who are your current biases in that group?

Hell yeah, I have like 30 biases. Half of that is my nct biases alone.

Exo: Yixing, Chanyeol, Kyungsoo and (reluctantly) Baekhyun,

NCT: Johnny, Yuta, Jungwoo, Hendery, Xiaojun, Jaemin and Shotaro.

Stray Kids: Bangchan, Hyunjin, & Felix,

TXT: Yeonjun, Huenging Kai, & Beomgyu.

•name an idol collaboration you would love to see that hasn’t happened yet.

NCT x Doja Cat, I don't know if this what it meant. But I would pay to see NCT x Doja because their music sounds so good together and I need it, gimme.

•what’s one trait in particular that you share with a bias? i.e same laugh, same starbucks order, etc.

Yixing: Spaciness, Yixing can be really spacey and need to be snapped back or he's just not really paying attention. And I don't know what's going on 80% of the time.

•describe your worst date ever but replace the name of your date with your biaswrecker.

Oh god okay. So Jeno picked me and the first thing he said was I was bigger then he thought I would be then continued to apologize the entire drive when he saw it made me sad. Then Jeno was telling me how he actually had a girlfriend and he was cheating on her because she was cheating on him. And also about how he did a lot of different drugs so his mind was a little messed up. After we got dinner and we were just hanging out Jeno started to cry while I went down on him so I told him we didn't have to do anything and Jeno spent the rest of the time talking about his girlfriend till he took me home.

•if your favorite kpop song was a flavor, what would it taste like?

My all time favorite kpop song? I have to say it's Heart Attack and Lotto - Exo Heart Attack's flavor is lemon-lime. I can't explain it's just lemon-lime. like a bottle of sprite. Lotto, is Pink Lemonade with batteries in it, no i will not elaborate.

•what group would you most want to play cards against humanity with?

Stray kids, Chan Struggling, Seungmin being completely out of pocket, all of the screaming and laughing perfect.

•name a random animal off the top of your head. what idol do you associate with this animal?

Hamster, and yes Jisung but also Shotaro, he also looks like a cute little hamster with those cheeks.

•what’s the last comeback you stayed up all night for?

Dude, Boy In Luv - BTS and that was a long time ago, it was the last time i was able to do that I was like 20 , being an actual adult made me slow down as a kpop fan. I didn't get fully back into kpop till the end of 2018.

•and finally, what’s one song in your kpop playlist that you would totally lose your mind over if it came on in a grocery store?

Wolf - EXO, Love Talk - Wayv, Wolf Gang - Stray Kids, like absolutely feral. especially if Wolfgang comes after wolf

I tag: @karetahana @hopeticket @farraige25 @melingie @theficblog

@hyuckieslove @violetwinters @morningsunandnightsky and anyone who wants to do it.

Also sorry if i tagged you twice already.

[quelsentiment]

for the fanfic asks: 2-6!

Thank you Fee!!

2- Did you have any writing goals?

I didn't have specific goals in terms of word count or anything, because I don't like to put pressure on myself like that. What I wanted was to take part in a few fests again, mainly @wordplayfics and @1dtrickortreatfest because they're both so fun, and I did! I think I also wanted to explore some more pairings I hadn't written for yet, and I ended up doing quite a lot of that (ot5, zarry, nouis, narry aaaand I just started posting for the mcyt fandom, which definitely wasn’t on my bingo card for this year but sometimes you just gotta embrace whatever obsession your brain throws at you 😌).

I do wish I'd had more energy to write over these past few months, but it’s honestly been a very hectic and emotionally intense year for me, so overall I'm pretty happy with what I did manage to write during that time.

3- How many projects did you work on this year?

With the two fics that I'm planning on posting in December, that makes a total of 13 works. Some of them are drabbles related to other works I'd already posted, though, so it's more like 9 works that are "completely new"

4- Favorite paragraph you wrote this year?

Maybe this one from Of Space and Time, but honestly idk. I’d have to go back and re-read everything, and I’m not doing that lol

Niall slid sideways to make space for Liam on the seat. Not wasting a second, Liam started playing, his eyes flying over Niall’s handwriting and singing in a soft voice. Niall had no idea how, since he wasn’t a professional player, but he soon found himself accompanying Liam with his own chords and harmonies. It was as effortless as if they’d been doing it for years. Their sudden proximity should have felt weird, at the very least, but it didn’t. Their arms were moving to the same rhythm, their hands brushing against each other, and all Niall could feel was a complete sense of calm and belonging. The overwhelming sensation of emptiness that had been plaguing his waking moments for days was gone.

The last note of the song was still echoing in the diner when he whispered:

“Would it make me sound crazy if I told you I’ve been seeing you in my dreams?”

5- Favorite line of dialogue you wrote this year?

Spoiler from my upcoming @louisrarepairfest fic!

“You think I haven’t seen the way you were looking at me earlier, while you were dancing with that guy? You think I can’t hear your heart beat faster whenever I get a little too close?” She punctuates her words by taking the last step that separates her and Niall, and now she’s got the slayer right in front of her again. Right where she wants her. “Hell, you think I don’t notice the blood rushing to your cheeks right now?” she adds in a mere whisper.

6- Favorite sentence you wrote this year?

Ugh these are so hard... Not because I think there’s a lot of brilliant sentences to pick from, there’s just nothing that really comes to my mind since I’m so focused on dialogues most of the time.

Okay, maybe this one from my mcyt wip 😅

The ocean is everyone’s and no one’s all at once, Clay knows, but for a minute, he can almost convince himself that George and him are the only people to have ever seen in.

[rufusrant]

Florence + the Machine - Ceremonials: Album Review

I can't believe how long it took me to do this, considering the fun I had reviewing Lungs. But late is better than never.

As different songs are present and absent on both the standard and deluxe versions of Ceremonials, I've decided to combine the two. That means Breath of Life is present, along with the bonus tracks. However, I've cut out reviewing the acoustic and demo tracks of songs already present on the album, with the exception of Landscape.

With that said, let's plunge in headfirst!

#1: Only If For A Night

This was inspired by a dream Florence had about her late grandmother, in which she told Florence to, ad verbatim, “concentrate on her perfect career”. It’s such a bittersweet, ethereal song that sets us up so well for recurring themes of loss and grief on this album.

For me, this song is so tame compared to the dive of darkness the album takes later — and even though I like the song overall and love the story it tells, I regret to say that although it works as an opening song I find it the weakest one yet out of all 5 albums so far from a musical standpoint. 6/10.

#2: Shake It Out

HHHHHH. I’m sorry. I can’t stand this one. I feel that this is very much the Dog Days Are Over of Ceremonials, but even Dog Days is enjoyable to listen to. Though I appreciate the triumph in Florence’s vocals and the vow to renew and restart herself in the lyrics, I mostly find the production of this one so overblown that it strips the song of its rightful poignancy, and has thus truthfully never struck that much of a chord with me. 4/10.

#3: What The Water Gave Me

Florence said My Drowning Obsession’s Back, Baby! 

The subtle rock beat, harp and shivery yet strong, solid vocals inspired by Virginia Woolf really shine here. Though it doesn’t have as huge or overwhelming a sound as compared to some of the band’s other water songs, there’s no doubt that you still feel Florence’s deep, cavernous body of water lapping at your knees as the harp trills and her voice glides over the surface. 7.5/10.

#4: Never Let Me Go

This song always reduces me to tears. I don’t think I’ve any way to aptly express what exactly this song means to me without having a crisis, so here’s the gist:

It’s a love song, a Don’t Forget About Me song, a grief song, a song about someone making peace with dying even though they’d like to stay and heading back to the source of all life — the arms of the ocean. The lyrics and Florence’s delivery of them are so unbelievably beautiful, sad and mournfully heartfelt. The instrumentals all around enhance the melancholy that just consumes you like a wave, and for this reason I can absolutely understand why Florence avoided performing this for the past 10 years. But nowadays I’m genuinely so glad that she’s in a better place than when she wrote this and is willing to perform it once again. 10/10. 

#5: Breaking Down

I know this is meant to be a song about depression but for screwball reasons that even I can’t fully understand, I’ve always thought this song had such “hey there demons it’s me ya boi” vibes. But I can’t help but think that it also describes Florence and the personification of her said depression holding hands so well, like they’re friends keeping each other company, repeating I think I’m breaking down again like a mantra that’s ironically supposed to keep them grounded. And I think that’s a huge mood.

But despite that, I find that I don’t really think very much about this song, and it doesn’t stand out that much in this album. 6/10.

#6: Lover To Lover

The sheer POWER of this song. It’s a fuck-all song, that’s why. There’s no salvation for me now and I’m gonna go to hell, but that’s alright. Florence stated that she wanted to make this song feel like it’s sung by a male soul singer, and thank you Florence because I feel that this showcases one of her most excellent hurricane-force vocals ever. 9/10. 

#7: No Light, No Light

Florence delivers a double act here with yet another of her best vocals. She goes from soft morning shy to loud, pounding cathedral voice. I find it so interesting that in both these songs one is about not giving a damn about herself anymore and this one here is about feeling insecure and immensely troubled by love. Coupled with the poetic lyrics conveying feelings of trepidation, of having to face fears and ugly truths, the song is so palpable; the song feels like an almighty plea for some higher power to lighten the pain yet a chastise of a partner who just can’t see eye to eye with her. The duality of this woman. 9/10.

#8: Seven Devils

This song is in hell. It’s so atmospheric and it really feels like a war or disaster is about to rage on. The slow, dark crawl of the drums and piano during the chorus is so skin-crawling, I can feel it drip over me like water. 9/10.

#9: Heartlines

A much-needed levity in the middle of the dark — surprising, but much needed. With upbeat drums, Florence’s inspiring message of simply following your heart and the grand imagery of journeying there delivers. It paints luscious, rejoicing visuals that fittingly feel like a reprieve from the siege that happened in the previous track. Unlike the last time she did a breather song in Lungs (Between Two Lungs after the epic Drumming Song), this song definitely feels more solid, more of its own thing and undoubtedly catchier. 7.5/10.

#10: Spectrum

GAY RIGHTS GAY RIGHTS. It feels so fun and starry and is a proper club-jumper, but because of that this song feels jarringly out of place on this album, even with the lightheartedness of both the preceding and succeeding track. 5.5/10. 

#11: All This And Heaven Too

One of the best songs there is about writer’s block. Because what is writer’s block if not your heart trying to express itself with all the best words and then screaming when it can’t. Creation is a divine thing and Florence really makes us feel it with this.

I really adore this from a musical standpoint because it sounds so harmonic and falls into place in a somehow easier way than any other song on this album. And I love how despite it’s really about frustration, Florence sings so hopefully, and why not, because writer’s block is always meant to be temporary and soon we’ll be up and creating again. 9/10.

#12: Leave My Body

I used to be so frightened of this song. Now it’s one of my favourites off the album. In the vein of grieving and with the themes of death on Ceremonials, Florence really does give one final grand moment with this one — it’s so strikingly mournful and has so much strength in it, especially when we discover that this song is how Florence describes the all-encompassing feeling of ascending as she performs live: it appears to be a song about dying and your soul exiting your body, but it’s actually about living purely in the moment and being here now, and I think that is such a beautifully genius, absolutely perfect duality to end the album on. Her melismatic vocals enhance the ocean of sound, both a send-off and yet a fully-live thrumming of the soul. 10/10.

#13: Breath Of Life

Recorded and released for the 2012 film Snow White and the Huntsman, this song is exactly what Florence + the Machine were MADE to do. The annihilating orchestral sound, Florence singing majestically with a backup choir, and the heart-pounding drums make this a brilliant dark fantasy song, albeit more PG than the holy terrors of Seven Devils but on a louder, more majestic-feeling scale. 9/10.

#14: Take Care - BBC Live At Maida Vale

A Drake cover. I did not realise this cover existed until fairly recently this year, but it’s definitely more of a pleasant surprise. In terms of a live cover it sounds much better than Florence’s cover of The Beatles’ Oh! Darling and I like the use of the piano, but when compared to the original song, I find that I like them both an equal amount. 5/10.

#15: Remain Nameless

I can never remember anything about this song. It’s one of the Florence songs I know exist, but always forget about. To me it just sounds so stilted, way too downbeat and repetitive. And I’m sorry, but Florence just sounds like she’s on the verge of falling asleep and jolting awake to go higher at random points. 1.5/10.

#16: Strangeness And Charm

Florence wakes up fully and kicks it up a notch immediately, matching the reactive, almost explosive quality of this chemistry-inspired song. The lyrics here incorporate scientific terms so naturally, combined with the general upbeat quality of the melody and Florence just sounding like she’s having a gas make for a generally cool song! However, as compared to what we’re going to hear next… 6.5/10.

#17: Bedroom Hymns 

I’m an asexual, but this song FUCKS SO HARD. This has been my top-played song on Spotify for the past two years. This song is the definition of le petite mort. This song resurrects the dead. This song is both Creation and the Apocalypse. It’s so tight, infectious, demonically horny, shoots both light and darkness out of it all at once, and that howl of Florence’s is primally perfect. 11/10. 

#18: Landscape - Demo

This is the most finished demo I have ever heard. It’s almost a pop number with the lively drums and Florence’s striding vocals, but the lyrics speak of a woman seeming to struggle with herself and her mental health, complete with a past that’s not exactly bright. Still, I all around like this one, and is definitely the other track next to Bedroom Hymns that I wish had made it onto the standard version! 7.5/10.

Overview: There's no doubt that this is the band's darkest and most emotionally fraught work to date, with so many songs about death, drowning, and straight-up leaving your body. Florence herself was going through the worst of her own pain and addiction at this era of her life, and thus I think that speaks for itself. Looking back on this album must not be the most joyous experience in the world, and I can't blame her at all.

Ceremonials was my favourite album for the majority of my time as an F+TM fan, because I discovered it during a rough period in my own life and it made me feel truly seen and heard. But that doesn't mean that as I heal and move on I don't love this album as dearly as when I first found it. Ceremonials is made from pain, because of pain, and for that I love it even more for being there when I needed it, with Florence's almighty sound to wash over me and remind me that I should pick myself up while I am very much alive. 9/10.

Stream Ceremonials on Spotify!

[wrathbites]

Get to know me

Tagged by: @dandenbo​, cheers :)

Relationship status: single

Favourite colour: purple (the deeper and darker the better)

Favourite food: t a t t i e  s c o n e s

Song stuck in your head: “Beast” by Ocean Jet (some of those lyrics pack a punch for vampire!Rhys, what can I say?)

Last thing you googled: “Geth armature” (could I remember how to spell it?  Absolutely not)

Time: 23.33

Dream trip: oh jeez I don’t know, it changes from year to year.  For now I’m longing to go on a trip further north in Scotland, get out of the main cities and smell the fresh air and listen to the birdsong and the wind rustling leaves and grass and lapping over water, feel the air cool the closer you get to sea, buy some pretty paperweights and wool spun from the local farms and sit outside and knit/crochet in the sunshine.

Last book you read: I’m currently reading “To Be Taught, if Fortunate” by Becky Chambers, but the last completed read before that was “The long way to a small angry planet”, also by Becky Chambers :)

Last book you enjoyed reading: “The long way to a small angry planet” lol

Last book you hated reading: Hate is a strong word I very rarely apply to books, but there’s one from a couple years ago that fits the bill.  I can’t remember the name, I’ve burned it from memory at this rate, but I have never had a book fill me with so much rage before.  See, the main character is an artist, and she sketches, right?  Very skilled at it, too.  And the author decides, if I remember this right, that she’ll be able to sketch a perfect likeness of someone in the space of half an hour?  She only encountered them once or twice, but gets a perfect likeness of them.  From memory.  In that timeframe.  Okay, I can go with that, seems a bit iffy but okay, if she’s been perfecting her skills for a good couple of years - and then a killer who has broken into her house and is LIVING THERE is messing with her lines and erasing them and reworking them and I’m just !!! do you mean to tell me she’d not realise something was going on with her art?  Of course then she did, and fixed them.  Again, from memory, and I’m just hmmmmm.  Bit less believable there, pal, but sure, okay.  The rest of the book was... okay.  It did the job of passing the time but I read it once and returned it to the library and I’ve never bothered to venture back near it - nor look at any other works from the author.  The way he passed the woman off as “going crazy” and “imagining things” and “I must have been tired” and then in the latter part of the book revealed “no!  Actually!  You’re completely sane!  A killer has found out your home address!  And is messing with you!  In the leadup to killing you!  Because he had a falling out with your family member!  And he has been actively living in your property during the day and coming out at night when you’re sleeping and you totally haven’t noticed any of your belongings being moved at all!  Don’t you feel safe still staying in that house after he’s killed off? :)” just absolutely 100% pissed me right the fuck off.

Bonus:

Favourite thing to bake: hazelnut loaf, hands down.

Favourite craft to do in your spare time: aside from writing fanfic (lol) that’d be knitting/crochet.  Can’t do much beyond basic patterns for scarves, blankets, but I’m not looking to make my own wardrobe of clothes or anything, just something low-key to keep my hands busy and mind free from stress.

Most niche dislike: the keyboard sounds on mobile phones when the volume’s turned up full.  Especially on public transport, when you can’t just escape the noise.  All those key tones so high pitched just plays merry hell with my hearing and actually causes pain.

Opinion on circus(es) now and in history: never liked them as a kid when there was still a main focus on performing animals.  It just seemed cruel to me, all for a laugh?  No thank you.  I don’t have much of an opinion on them now, since I haven’t been to one in years - the general racket of crowds is a nope for me.

Do you have a sense of direction and if not what is the worst way you ever got lost: lol nope.  You can orientate my phone to register the same direction I’m facing for me to get from A to B and I’ll still wind up lost.  I once had to meet someone at a gym and wound up going the exact opposite direction and only realised my mistake when I came up to a football stadium and had a “huh” moment and asked a passerby for the gym - think I made his day with that laugh rofl

People I’d like to get to know better: uhhhh... I’ll skip this part - I’m late to the thing so folks I’d tag have probably already filled it out, time for me to go browsing XD