#also the guy at airport security in Berlin was so nice to me???

[you-will-return]

Girlies, we've made it

[aleksa-sims]

My RL gameplay (18+)

CW addiction

There I was!  Abroad at Philip’s new university, who didn’t pick me up from the airport!! 😒 🤷‍♀️ Which is why I was totally confused! I took a cab and went to his new college, (“ A. Center for Law Enforcement Sciences.” ) Philip studied criminology there. He started his first year at home, with criminal law, which is mandatory, so that you can even study criminology. Now, (back then),  he has to study in Vienna for a year. I’ll tell a bit later, during my visit to him at his new college, why Philip studied criminology and about his cool job, he’s doing today. (6 years later).

I called P. from the airport! He told me to take a cab to his....dorm! He registered me there as a visitor for the next three days. I’m just supposed to tell that security guy at the entrance who I am, and he’s gonna take me to Philip. I was totally pissed!  Why isn’t he just waiting for me? 🤷‍♀️ Philip was also mad at me and actually, it was over with us. I mean, he thought this!!! 🤦‍♀️  Because of these pictures of me, Victoria posted a few days ago &.... Isabella! 😟

When I finally arrived at P.’s dorm, no one was in his room. I looked around first....I saw 2 beds in this big room, but I knew immediately which bed belonged to Philip. I recognized all his stuff and his soccerball of course.🤨 So I went straight to Philip’s side of the room. I dropped off my small suitcase and sat on his bed. I wondered where he was? It was nice here, I thought, but I started to get really sad. At home, P. has his own apartment and everything, but here, he has to share a room with someone else. I felt sorry for him! You know? Suddenly a young man came into the room, Philip’s roommate. He said hello to me and went straight to his desk. He was in a bit of a hurry and just wanted to pack his stuff to go home, because there were holidays. I asked him where Philip is and so we started talking.

Me: Hi, I’m sorry, I don’t want to disturb you, but do you know where Philip is?  

Guy: Oh, hi! No you’re not disturbing! Sorry, when I came in, I thought you were Natasha. That’s why I just said, “hi”. I’m Simon! You must be P.’s girlfriend.

Me: Natsha? 🤨 ...But yeah I’m his gf! How do you know? And nice to meet you Simon, I’m Aleksa.

Simon: Philip always looks at your pics on his phone when he has nothing to do and I once asked him, if he has a girlfriend. He showed me a picture of you. And Natasha is just a friend. But she also has black hair like you, so I didn’t immediately check that you weren’t her. I’m a bit stressed, you know? I drive home over the weekend. Almost everyone here! You & Philip have the whole campus to themselves.

Me: Hm 😟....Where are you from? Are you from Germany too? I don’t hear an accent!

Simon: Yeah! But originally I come from Sweden, I have only been living in Berlin for almost 10 years. My family had to emigrate for professional reasons. Was nice to meet you! I have to go!....Oh, look! P.’s coming.

Me (to P.): Hi! 😳....Where were you? Why didn’t you pick me up? I felt totally alone and lost. 😕 🤷‍♀️

Philip: As you know, I don’t have a car abroad! And you’re not a little girl A.! If you want to see me, you have to do it like this in the future. 😒

Me:  How do you talk to me? 😧 🤷‍♀️ I missed you! Don’t you want to hug me? 🥺

Philip: No! I’m sure your new friend....Z.,  hugged you when he said goodbye to you. 😠

Me: You’re talking a load of shit! You know that? You’re the one who’s having a baby with another! 😠

Philip: Stop this fucking baby shit! It’s not my Baby! How many times! 🤷‍♂️

Me: I love you and I am here to settle this matter with you. You understand this?...... What have I done to you, P. ?? 😩

Philip: I saw your fucking pics with him! He touched you! 😠 ... Now you do it with him and D.! Just like with Nico & me!! 😠 😠 And before that, you broke up with me about Isabella! So what the fuck do you want from me?

Me: WHAT? 😧 I didn’t even talk to D.! And I did nothing bad! You totally misunderstood everything and I didn’t want to send you this one text! She stalked me Philip! She keeps sending me pic’s of your Baby! I don’t want to break up with you! Are you crazy? You and I, we stay together forever! You know this!

Philip: Yeah, sure! 😒 As soon as I left, you found someone else. No-, sorry! He’s just a friend. Right? 🤨  I’ve told you several times that I don’t want you to meet him or D., what’s so damn hard for you to understand?

Me: I didn’t.....😞 He was just there on Ana’s B-day. Believe me! I just want you, no one else! Not even Nico! That’s why I’m here!  I want to tell you a few things.

Philip: What do y have to tell me? Ha?....That you’re taking drugs again and banging with Z. to get your drugs cheaper? 😠

Me: Say that one more time to me, Philip and I will go and never come back! 😠.....😢

Philip: Why A.? Because it’s ture? I saw you last time how desperate you were about this shit & what he wanted from you! He wanted you to go with him. And even your Mom called me, to ask, if I know who your & Ana’s new friend is. But I didn’t know who she meant, until I saw your fucking pics with him. 😠

Me: I swear to you P.! I had nothing with him! You’ve got it all totally wrong. I love you so much and I miss you so terribly! That’s why I’m here! I want to settle this with you. It was just Ana’s B-day & we all had fun. Nothing MORE!  You have no idea how sad and unhappy I’ve been since you left. And I’d even stay here with you, but if you don’t want me anymore, I’m leaving. 😢

Philip: You’d really stay here? I mean here with me until I’m done with my semester? 🤨 😕

Me: Yeah! If that’s the only way for the two of us to stay together, then YES! But I see you don’t want me here.

Philip: Wait!... Don’t go! You will have to prove to me in the next few days that you really want this with us.

I explained everything to Philip and he forgave me, but there was this Natsha. Anyway, you’ll see later.

Me: Sure! How much I have missed you! I will never let go of you again!

Philip: You’re driving me crazy! Idk, if I can let you go back home after these three days. Do you want us to take a room in a hotel or do we stay here?

Me: No, it’s okay! I mean, as long as we’re here alone and undisturbed, I’m staying here. I don’t care anyway! I just want to be with you.

Philip: You’ll have to do EVERYTHING with me in the next few days! I won’t let you go for a second.

Me: I want that too! But... we can go to the bathroom separately, okay?

Philip: No! 😉

Me: Help!

Philip: I was just kidding!

Me: That’s good, because I have to pee now! 😬

Philip: Come on! I’ll show you where everything is! You’ll definitely like it here. And we’re almost alone. Tomorrow I’ll show you the roof terrace where you can see the whole city from above.

Me: Cool! Vienna is such a beautiful city! I was here with school once.

Philip: But you’re not going shopping with me or anything?

Me: Nooo! I just want you, P.! I don’t give a fuck about shopping & sightseeing.🤥 I mean... 🤔... But NO! This I’ll do next time, we have more time.

Philip and I are going to have a wonderful time together here, and yet, he’s going to break my heart in the end. And STILL, I felt so sorry for him too!! 🤦‍♀️ I really loved/love him! I also saw, how desperate Philip was because of me. 😢 😭 He had never had such strong feelings for anyone before, and that really drove him crazy! Because we were separated. He was SO jealous and angry. 😔 But we truly loved each other and this has never changed!  That’s why it will be so complicated and painful for all three of us, when Nico comes back. But I think, all this had to happen. (?) 😔 🤷‍♀️

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[keanureevesisbae]

eunoia - prologue

Summary: Sam is trying to adjust to a life post-Steve Rogers.

Sam Wilson x Quinn (Asian ofc)

Warnings: Some spoilers for Civil War, Inifinity War, Endgame and TFATWS

Wordcount: 2.2k

A/N: Did I just abandon my other wips to work on this one? Maybe. This story follows around 50% of TFATWS storyline, but it’s not identical. I honestly don’t know whether or not people are gonna like it, but if you do, please let me know 🥺Our boy Sam deserves all the fics 🥰

Masterlist // eunoia masterlist // 

Not a day goes by that Sam doesn’t think about Quinn. It was at the Joint Terrorist Centre’s headquarters in Berlin when he first saw her on security camera’s. While Bucky was being interviewed, a different set of cameras showed another interrogation room. It was nearly identical to Bucky’s room, though the difference was that there a woman was strapped in a similar containment cell. They had found her earlier that day and according to some intel she was part of another Hydra program, though there was not much known about her yet.

With the reactivated Winter Soldier Program, Sam tried to capture Zemo, before the fugitive disappeared into the crowd. Together with Steve, they took Bucky into an abandoned building. While Bucky slowly regained consciousness and both Steve and Sam being distracted, no one noticed someone sneaking up behind them.

In a twinkling of an eye, both Steve and Sam were tied up with one rope, despite the two of them being on opposite sides of the room. With a certain focus, the petite woman marched up to Bucky, ready to do whatever was her task. As her fingers wrapped around his neck, tips digging in his neck, Bucky seemed to recognize her. A soft ‘hey’ from the Winter Soldier was enough to snap her out of it.

The rope stopped cutting into Sam’s skin, as the woman looked around her. She dropped the rope and she ran her hands through her long black locks. There was something about her that intrigued him. Her eyes darted from one side to the other, before they landed on him.

Sam didn’t know her that long, but he could see that there were a lot of undisclosed feelings. She was confused, maybe even a bit scared.

She introduced herself as Quinn, though adding the fact that she had no idea what her  real name was and Quinn seemed fitting.

Just like Bucky, Quinn was also a target of Zero’s spree. She remembers Zemo breaking her out of the secret and deserted Hydra facility back in Munich, where she was put into cryogenic stasis. Zemo released her into the world, only for her to be caught within a few hours. She had no idea if that was Zemo’s intention, her getting caught that soon.

‘Just a few hours ago,’ Quinn explained, ‘there was this guy with black hair, questionable facial hair, who told me to catch a guy. It was a picture of you.’ She gestured towards Bucky, who tilted his head as his gaze softened.

‘You remember me?’ Bucky asked her.

She shrugs. ‘I don’t know,’ she whimpers. ‘I didn’t when he showed me the picture, but… There is something I sort of remember of you. You walked into the room, dressed in all black, looking visibly exhausted. You were in this other cell and looked at me and told me that it was all gonna be okay.’ Quinn let out a soft—yet meaningless—chuckle. ‘That’s not quite working out.’

Without any more painful questions, Steve suggested she came along and Sam and her actually fought alongside the rest on the airport, making sure Bucky and Steve were on that flight and just like the rest who stayed behind, they were imprisoned in the Raft.

Sam watched her, day in, day out. She was yet again strapped inside a containment cell within her cell, another counter measurement to make sure she was unable to escape. Sam saw how she kicked an entire van to the side on the airport, without breaking a sweat. It made him question whether or not she was just cooperating or if the restraints were really working.

Her petite frame was perfect for her to blend in the crowd, in contrast to Bucky, however strength wise, they were around the same level.

Speed wise, it was Quinn who had the upper hand there.

She simply sat in the cell, staring ahead of her. Sam wondered what happened inside her head, but when they made eye contact, all he could see was sadness and hopelessness.

At night, when the lights were dim and everyone was asleep, he told her that it was all gonna be okay.

‘How do you know?’

‘I just do,’ he said.

For the first time, she smiled at him. ‘And I just have to trust you on that one?’

‘It’s the wisest thing to do. Besides, what have you got to lose?’

After Steve freed them from the Raft, he did not know what to expect from her. Deep down, Sam kinda hoped she would join him. On the airport, it was obvious how well they worked together, but just like Clint, Scott and Wanda, she decided to live her own life.

And just like that, she disappeared.

Sam never thought he’d see her again, but when they all met in the New Avengers Facility, when they learned about Thanos’ plan to capture all the Infinity Stones, she walked in as if she never left. She stayed close to either him or Steve, not once speaking up about what she did in the meantime and Sam never felt like he could ask.

When they landed in Wakanda, Quinn took him aside and asked: ‘You got my back?’

He smiled at her, realizing that his efforts in gaining her trust back at the Raft and the Facility had helped. ‘Always,’ he promised.

But he didn’t keep his promise. He didn’t have her back like he promised.

Quinn was the last person Sam saw, before he disintegrated into ashes, together with half of the world population. Her hand on his cheek, as her eyes darted from side to side, slightly confused of what was happening, but also realizing that he couldn’t have her back anymore.

While Sam was aware that she was right there on the battlefield after they were all brought back, the first time he saw her was on Tony’s funeral. After Steve told him, Banner, Bucky and Quinn he was going to return the Infinity Stones and Mjølnir—looking back on it—it was obvious she knew what Steve decided to do. Sam can still hear the words that left her lips then: ‘Are you sure you want that to be your future?’

Sam did not know what it meant then, but he sure does now. After he received the shield minutes later of a much older Steve, Quinn did what she always does: disappear.

He never knew where she went, what she was doing and while he respects her decision, he still thinks about her. Every single day. His hope of seeing her again, hasn’t faded away and sometimes it frustrates him. He barely knew her, why is he so hung up on her then?

Sam lets out a sigh, as he drives his truck over the roads to his destination. It has been a rough couple of weeks. He is working closely together with the United States Air Force and after a few missions, he made his decision whether or not to give up the shield.

Without Steve, the shield is nothing.

He desperately needs a break from all of this and there is no place like Delacroix Louisiana to wind down from the hectic of an after Blip world. He had been there two times, but both times ended abruptly as the Air Force needed him.

Now, he has the time. All the time in the world to relax and forget about an Avenger like life.

Sam parks his car on the dock and his nephews AJ and Cass are the first to notice him. ‘Uncle Sam, uncle Sam,’ they exclaim.

‘Ah, there you two are,’ he says, hugging the two boys tightly.

‘How long are you gonna stay this time?’ Cass asks.

‘Awhile,’ is the answer he is giving his nephews, but that is mostly because he wants to keep them in suspense a little.

AJ scoffs. ‘That’s not an answer.’

‘Okay, okay, gotta give you that,’ he chuckles. ‘How about: at least two weeks?’

The two boys high five each other. His sister Sarah loudly places a crate on the ground. ‘Finally,’ she says, ‘took you long enough.’

‘Nice to see you too,’ he retorts with a smile, before giving her a hug. ‘Missed you.’

‘Of course you did,’ she says. ‘We missed you too, just like almost everyone here. Almost got me thinking that you’re the favorite Wilson sibling.’

‘That’s because I am.’ He carries the crate to where Sarah wants it and he smiles when his eyes land on the family boat. ‘She sure is a beauty.’

‘A broken beauty,’ Sarah says, ‘that is costing me a fortune.’ She places her hands on her hips as she says: ‘With both the house and the boat needing some fixing up, every penny I got to spare is going to the house.’

‘Is this about you wanting to sell it again?’

‘Yes, since I’m not willing to sell a working organ on the black market in order to afford its repairs.’

‘I told you I would fix it,’ Sam says.

Sarah rolls her eyes. ‘Yeah, you told me that months ago, but the boat still isn’t working. You know the situation, Sam, the thing’s gotta go.’

‘Sarah, you’re kidding. We grew up on this thing.’

She scoffs. ‘Yeah, I know, I was there. It’s just that I cannot afford it anymore.’

Sam sure loves his sister, but there are moments where he—just like back in the days—he’d want to put her behind the wallpaper, making her shut up. It’s always this doom thinking. Everything or nothing at all, there is no in between. ‘You know I can help with this.’

‘Yeah, big help you’ve been.’

Sam clenches his jaw. ‘Well, I’m sorry I was taken away by the blip.’

‘It’s not about you being gone for the blip,’ Sarah says. ‘It’s about the fact that there is too much for me to do here. I need to keep the house, so it’s either keeping the boat or the business and since the business is my income, it’s only logical that the boat has got to go.’

Great, he has been back for a few minutes and he is already having this conversation with his sister. ‘I’ve got this, Sarah, I promise.’

She doesn’t believe him, he can see it in her eyes, but decides to drop the matter. Maybe she realizes too that this is no conversation for them to have after he got back for only a few minutes.

The two of them step back on the dock, where his nephews are stretching out their necks, almost like they are searching for something. ‘Whatcha looking at?’ Sam asks. ‘See a pretty lady?’

‘Is that,’ Cass starts, only for AJ to exclaim: ‘Auntie Quinn!’

The two boys drop their stuff and rush over the dock to the woman Sam never thought he’d see again, let alone right here. Quinn holds out her arms and despite the boys being nearly the same height as her, she still manages to catch them both as they jump in her arms. They must’ve known about her enhanced strength, Sam thinks to himself, otherwise they wouldn’t have jumped right in her arms.

But that raises another question: how could they’ve known?

‘Auntie Quinn?’ he asks Sarah.

Sarah nods. ‘Auntie Quinn,’ she confirms.

She’s gonna leave it at that? ‘Care to explain?’

‘I think it was two weeks after you were blipped away. It was chaos here, like literal chaos. People were missing, I hadn’t heard anything from you. She walked up the dock and offered her help. I thought for at least a month she was an angel send from the heavens. She told me she saw you right before you were blipped away and that she went to your place back in DC. She found out about us and decided to see how it all went down here. Thankfully she did, because I desperately needed her help. She assisted with the business, helped raising the boys.’

To say he is confused, would be an understatement. ‘She stayed here?’ he asks. ‘During the entire blip?’

‘Oh yeah,’ Sarah says, holding up her hand to Quinn. ‘I think all in all, she stayed here for four years. Sometimes she went away for a few weeks, but she always returned. Near the end, she called me and told me that Steve needed her. It’s actually the first time I’ve seen her in a while.’

Sam can’t stop looking at the big smiles and chuckles being exchanged between AJ, Cass and Quinn. She hugs his nephews tightly and even from a distance he can tell she is scolding them for growing taller.

‘I think that without her,’ Sarah continues, ‘I barely would’ve made it. She was slightly clueless though. Had issues with the simplest tasks, like cooking and day to day stuff, but she’s a fast learner.’

It shouldn’t warm his heart like it does, but Sam can’t help but smile as he realizes that Quinn went on the look out to care for his family.

‘She told me she had no memories of growing up. Poor thing,’ Sarah says, shaking her head as she as well looks at the trio. ‘She tried so hard to remember, but in all those years she spend here, no luck. I wonder if she does now.’

She doesn’t. Sam doesn’t need to ask her, because he simply knows.

Quinn still doesn’t remember her past.

[tomspancakes]

This Way: Part 5

*not my gif*

Pairing: Tom Holland x Actress! reader

Word Count: 4557

Warnings: Dickhole Tom

Summary: Uncharted filming is postponed and Tom comes back home.

A/N: Please lmk if you’re enjoying this series or have any constructive criticism for my writing! Don’t hesitate to ask to be a part of the taglist (if i can even make it work lol) Enjoy part 5, loves :)

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

+++

“What the fuck. She’s actually crazy! We have to do something about this. I mean she’s literally blackmailing Tom into staying with her!” Harry said loudly.

“Shhh, I don’t want the other boys to hear.” You said trying to quiet him down, “I know it’s crazy, but Tom and I said we’d figure out a way for her to stay quiet or something I don’t know. But the only thing we can do right now is let him stay with her.”

“But-”

“No, Harry, if you do anything she’ll expose Tom and I. E-even though we’re broken up I’m not ready for people to go digging into my past life. We’ll figure something out I promise.” He nodded understanding how much you cared about your privacy.

“Hey Harry and y/n. You guys down to-” Haz came into the living room and saw your puffy eyes and bruises forming on your left arm where Allana grabbed you. It was still a mystery that she was able to bruise you, “Oh what the hell happened, are you ok y/n?” He said very concerned and picked up your arm to examine it.

“I’m ok,” You laughed, “Just a little accident when we were coming into the house.” You said trying to not mention Allana.

“Oh it was definitely far from an accident. Allana came looking for Tom and she was-”

“Harrison! We have to go outside! Allana is going psycho on y/n and Harry!” Tuwaine came running down the stairs to show Haz the security footage, “Oh, oops… I thought this was going on now…” You all laughed.

“Anyway, Allana is way crazier than we thought, guys. She was trying to accuse y/n of trying to take Tom, calling her a ‘stupid whore’ and such. Well you can see it in the security footage. We can’t let her near y/n if she comes back.” Harry said and the boys nodded crossing their arms like they were your body guards and your heart melted.

“Aw you guys are gonna make me cry, love you guys,” They smiled at you, “but I can take care of myself. She’s just being a jealous girlfriend.”

“Uh no. more like a fucking psychopath.” Harrison said sassily and the boys agreed.

“Ok whatever she is, it doesn’t matter. You guys also can’t tell Tom what happened. We all know he’d come back in a heartbeat if he finds out.” The boys looked at you with a face like, ‘what the fuck?’. 

“He left to have some time for himself so we’ll give it to him. Plus he’s gonna start filming in a few days so we can’t distract him from his work.” The boys agreed because you made a valid point.

“As soon as he gets here though I’m gonna tell him to break it off with her.” Harrison said sternly and you got a little nervous about that.

-*One week before lockdown*-

It’s been a few days since Tom had left. Tom tried to reach out to you a few times, but you wouldn’t budge.

You were beginning to get nervous hearing about the restrictions of travel to the US and your manager, Stacy, called.

“Hey y/n how’s it going?”

“Well, I’m sad filming was cut short, but I guess I could use a break. I’m trying to find a plane ticket home, but they’re so hard to find since everyone is trying to go back to the states now.” You said nervously.

“Yeah, y/n, here’s the thing. I don’t think you should come back home.”

“What? B-but what about my family?” Your manager sighed.

“Look, you were gonna be gone from home for a few months already, if you stayed it’d be like the same thing. And who knows? You may even start filming in 2 weeks like they said. Plus it’s really not safe to travel at this time. I don’t want you to get sick and I’m sure you don’t want to get anyone in your family sick.” Stacy was making really good points, you sighed and nodded, “I’m sorry, y/n, just try to come to terms with it.” 

“Ok will do, Stacy. I’ll talk to you later.” She gave you an apologetic smile and hung up. You were upset, but at least you wouldn’t be alone right? Quarantining with 4 other boys was going to get real interesting… especially when one of them is your ex.

“Everything alright, Y/n?” Harry sat next to you on the couch. You shook your head and rested it on his shoulder. 

“I can’t go back to my family because of the virus.” He looked at you apologetically and rubbed your back.

“It’s gonna be ok you have me, Harrison, Tuwaine, and Tom will probably be home soon.” You nodded and felt a sense of comfort knowing Tom would be back soon.

- In Berlin, Germany-

Tom got a text from the producers for the entire crew to meet in the hotel lobby. Tom already had an idea of what was about to happen. As soon as everyone got there the director, Ruben Fleischer spoke. 

“Thanks for coming down everyone, I assume you already know what this announcement is about. We’re going to have to postpone all production of Uncharted until it is safe to return. I suggest that you make your way home soon since travelling restrictions are getting worse.” As soon as he finished talking Tom got a text from his assistant, Ben, saying that he already booked Tom a plane ticket last night because he heard the news beforehand somehow. 

Tom was sad that he’d have to leave doing what he loves most, but he was excited to go back home and see you and the boys. He thought of this as a nice little break, then he remembered he had to deal with Allana and he sighed.

He sent a text to a groupchat called, “y/n and divs,” (which consisted of everyone in the house) saying he’d be going back home now.

- Heathrow Airport - 

Tom tiredly tried to hail a cab until a familiar car pulled up in front of him. 

“Hey, Tommy.” Tom's eyes widened. How the hell did she know he was coming back? “Hop in, baby.” He gulped and walked into the passenger seat.

“How’d you know I was coming back?” Tom asked, a little freaked out.

“I had Ben update me since you weren’t responding to any of my texts or calls for three fucking days! Which we really need to have a chat about.” She said getting mad, then she breathed out trying to calm down and cleared her throat, “I’m just worried about you, Tommy.” She smiled at Tom and kept driving.

“Sorry I was really busy with work and they needed me to come to set early.” He lied, hiding the fact that he was trying to get away from her. He texted the, “y/n and divs,” group chat,

Tom: Hey, just landed. Allana picked me up. She's taking me back to her flat, I’ll try to be home before 8

Harrison: Oh shit good luck lol

Tom looked confused at the text. Did Harrison know something?

Tom’s heart sped up when he saw that you texted, but in a private chat. 

Y/n: Make good decisions… Be safe please x

It’s the only thing you’ve said to him in a few days. He knew you’d come around eventually and your concern for his safety made him smile. ‘Wait, why is everyone texting me like embarking on a dangerous adventure?’ He thought.

“Who’re the texts from?” Allana asked. 

“Oh uh nobody.” Tom quickly deleted his messages with you just in case Allana would see.

“Bull shit.” She said sternly and snatched Tom’s phone, “Ugh why does Harrison hate me so much?”

“Allana what the fuck you’re driving! What the hell is going on? You’ve been really cr- uh different since the dinner.” Her mood went from mad to sad in 0.0002 seconds as she pulled over. She sighed and said innocently,

“I-I’m sorry, Tommy. I-I guess I’ve just been so insecure ever since y/n showed up and I don’t want to lose you because you're such a great guy. And it really hurt that you left without telling me because it was our 5 month anniversary.” Tom’s eyes widened because he forgot about that and began to feel bad and sighed.

“Allana, why didn’t you just tell me that? You have no need to worry either, Y/n and I aren’t getting back together.” Tom hurt himself when he said that. He wished he could get back with you, but you just wanted to be friends. Allana perked up right away and leant over the console to give him a long kiss, but Tom cut it short, still not able to trust her. She cleared her throat and began to drive again.

-

“I’m going to use the loo really quick, then we can go pick up some dinner.” Allana said. Tom nodded and decided to check his security cams since he hasn’t in a while. He casually scrolled through the usual footage of the mail men and people coming into/ leaving the house, that is until he saw a video of Allana going to sit on the porch and noticed it was from the day he left. His blood began to boil when he saw Allana yank you back and say all those mean things to you. 

The driver door swung open, “Ok, ready to-”

“Allana what the fucking hell is this?” Tom hissed and showed Allana the footage. Her eyes went wide, 

“First off you left me without any warning. I’m your girlfriend, Tom! Second you didn’t answer any of my texts or calls on our 5 month anniversary. Third it really seems like you weren’t trying to stay away from y/n, don’t even think for a second I didn’t see what Tuwaine posted.” Tom looked at her confused, she groaned and pulled up the picture of you laying across all the boys. “Care to explain? Because I’m very close to exposing your little secret.” She said darkly.

“Allana, jeez that was before you started this insane ‘deal’ of yours. I swear.” 

“Hm, you got lucky this time Tom.” She snarled. Tom was getting fed up,

“That’s it. You called y/n really rude things and would have hurt her. I can’t do this anymore you’re insa-”

“Ohp stop right there, Tommy, if you’re trying to break up with me right now remember that the ball is in my court.” Tom furrowed his brows in anger, “If you do I’ll make the story worse. I’ll go straight to TMZ and along with your past relationship I’ll tell them that you and y/n were fucking behind my back. I’ll make sure to ruin both of your careers.” Tom stayed silent. 

“Oh, Tommy, don’t look so sad.” She said in a baby voice.

“I need to go. I can’t be around you right now.” Tom got out of the car and retrieved his luggage. She yelled behind him,

“Don’t forget about what I can do, Tom. I want you back at my flat tomorrow.” 

-

Tom walked to his friend Connor’s house which was only two blocks away and knocked on the front door.

“Hold on I’m coming!” The door swung open, “Tom? Mate, it’s been so long you ok?” They bro hugged before Connor let him in.

“No actually, I uh came here for some info…” Connor raised his brow, “about Allana.”

“Oh shit, Tom. I told you you should’ve left her as soon as possible.”

“Yeah I know. I-I don’t know why I didn’t listen to anyone. I guess I just wanted to be with someone.” He sighed and his mind went to you as he plopped down on the couch.

Connor patted his back and sat next to him, “It’s ok you’re not the first guy to have troubles with Allana. Well, what’d you want to know?”

“Every single detail of her last relationship.” Tom said sternly.

-

“Thanks for giving me a ride home and for telling me everything, mate. I owe you.” Tom said, giving Connor a bro hug over the console.

“Don’t even worry about it. You already got yourself in quite a pickle.” Tom laughed tiredly and turned to walk to the house. 

“Hey guys I’m home.” Tom said in a very unenthusiastic way. Nobody came to greet him or anything, he heard voices upstairs and decided to check it out.

“Bro, that’s sick! Do it again.” Harrison said amused. 

“Haha alright I will, give me a second. Y/n, are you recording now?” This time it's a familiar American voice that’s coming through the phone. Tom walked into your room to see all the boys huddled behind you at your desk. He knocked on the door frame and everyone turned around. 

“Aye look who’s back. It’s Tom!” Tuwaine cheered. Your heart skipped a beat with excitement.

“Oh, wait a sec not yet.” You said as all the boys went to greet Tom. You sat there afraid that Allana might be watching the instagram live.

“What’s going on here?” Tom asked, coming to look at your phone. He saw you were on an instagram live with Gavin Leatherwood. His heart dropped and his body began to heat up with jealousy. 

“Hey, Tom! Long time no see. I was about to do a double front flip. Did you just get back from filming?” Gavin asked nicely. Tom had a straight face the entire time. You could sense Tom was not happy and you watched him closely afraid he’d do something bad.

“Yep. Filming got cancelled for me.” He said seriously and stood straight up to walk away without letting Gavin respond. ‘Well that went better than expected.’ You thought. The boys looked at him apologetically, but went back behind you to watch Gavin flip.

“Uh, Gavin, why don’t you do that flip and that’ll be the last thing because we gotta go.”

He nodded and did the flip, sticking the landing perfectly. The boys cheered and everyone in the comments went crazy. 

“Nice, mate, you’re so good at that!” Harry said, clapping still. Gavin laughed,

“Thanks it took a lot of time for me to get that down. Alright you all gotta go now?” You nodded, 

“Yeah sorry, it’s around dinner time here now.” You said.

“No worries! It’s breakfast time for me anyway. Text me and send me the video.” You nodded and both said your goodbyes to everyone watching the live.

“Man that was dope. Y/n, you have to get him to hang out with us when this is all over.” Haz pleaded before speaking with Tuwaine. You giggled and nodded in agreement.

“Y/n, I don’t think Tom was very happy about that.” Harry said sticking with you as Haz and Tuwaine walked ahead.

“Yeah no shit, he had a straight face the whole time. Should I talk to him?” Harry shrugged.

“Maybe? I mean it seems like he’s already had a really rough day.” 

“Yeah I just don’t want to make his day worse-” Harry cut you off pointing at Tom sitting at the dinner table. He was drinking a beer and had an empty shot glass next to him,

“Looks like you should talk to him, hear him out or something. I’ll help Haz and Tuwaine cook dinner.” Harry sighed and walked to the other boys.

You nodded and made your way over to Tom rubbing his shoulder before sitting down, “Not even 20 minutes here and you’re already trying to get drunk?” You joked and he scoffed. Oof. “Wanna talk about anything?” You looked at him concerned. 

“Hm yeah I do. I’ve got a lot to talk about actually, but seems like you’d much rather drool over Mr. Leatherwood instead of listen to poor old Tom.” You sighed and gave him a sad look. 

“Tom, Gavin just joined my instagram live because he was bored. We were just entertaining other people.” You didn’t want to say anything more because you were worried Tom would only get more upset. 

“That’s fucking bull shit.” He hissed taking another swig of beer, “He was literally just trying to impress you with his stupid flip, which isn’t even that impressive. You know I could do that too, y/n. He’s not special.” His jealousy was beginning to show. You smiled a bit at him and nodded, 

“I’m sure you can do that and more, but he’s just my friend and he knows that’s all he is to me.”

“Does he really? Or are you just saying that to make me feel better? Who decided to break up first in the relationship?” His voice was raising a bit and Harrison and Tuwaine kept looking your way. 

“Maybe we should take this conversation to the liv-” You said already standing up. But Tom lightly pulled your waist back down to the chair.

“No we’re going to talk about this here and now. Who decided to break up first?” 

“L-like I said, it was mutual.” You said softly

“No that’s bull. I can tell you’re lying.” You shut your eyes stressed and sighed,

“Ok, I was the one that suggested it.” Tom sat back looking satisfied taking a sip of his beer.

“Ya, that’s what I thought. You don’t like staying tied down. Did you also tell him you still wanted to be friends so that you could fuck him when you’re feeling lonely?” You stared at Tom in disbelief.

“What the hell, Tom?” He snickered darkly and shook his head.

“Oh my god, you’re not even fucking denying it. You probably go around telling guys that you’d be their friend instead of straight out rejecting them so you can fuck around with their feelings and have some sex when you feel like it.” Your vision began to get blurry with every word Tom said, but you refused to cry.

“You of all people should know damn well that I’m nothing like that, Tom.” You spat

“Do I really though, y/n?” Tom said, his voice booming. The other boys all turned to you two now. “You couldn’t even tell me the truth about you and Gavin and then I see the shit Allana did to you a few days ago? Well actually none of you fuckers bothered to tell me about it.” He said turning around and pointing at the other boys. “Damn it this is my house as well!” You stared at him with apologetic eyes.

“Hey, Tom. We didn’t tell you what went down because you said needed to leave for space and we gave it to you. Don’t blame y/n for anything.” Harry said standing up for you now. Tom scoffed.

He turned back around and looked at you straight in the eyes, “What, are you getting into my friends’ minds now? I left for you, y/n. I left so that I could fix shit and all for what? Fucking lies. That’s all I get in return,  and you never even communicated back to me. You were probably being petty because I left. Which again was for you damn it!” He was beginning to turn red and getting angrier by the second. Nobody was prepared for what he was about to say next.

“You know what? You’re a manipulative snake and get everyone wrapped around your little fucking finger so that they can do your work for you. You never probably even thought about how I felt about this situation or how I felt when you wanted to hide our relationship.” Tears rushed down your face now, “And you know what? I’ve fallen under your spell, but I can’t do it anymore, I’m done with your shi-” 

“Tom! You fucking dickhead. You don’t even know half the shit y/n has been through after you broke up. You can’t blame her for anything when she reached out to you and you couldn’t even work up the damn courage to simply reply.” Harry walked over to you and pulled you up as he glared at his brother. “Let’s go y/n. I’ll have the boys bring us food later and we can start a movie marathon now.” He comforted you as you walked away from Tom. 

“See, Harry? You’re falling for her shit too!” Tom said and Harry flipped him off. That made your heart break even more.

“Fuck!” Tom yelled and slammed his hands on the table. Haz and Tuwaine walked over to him and sat him down. All the words Tom said to you replayed in his mind and he immediately regretted saying them. 

“I fucked up didn’t I?” He asked his friends with his head in his hands.

“Majorly.” Tuwaine said.

“That was really harsh, mate.” Harrison said, “Why didn’t you tell us what was going on? You never even told us how you felt after you guys broke up. You kept saying you were fine when we tried to reach out.”

Tom sighed, “That’s because I’ve never felt that much pain before. I didn’t even know it, but I’ve been numb the whole time she was gone. I-I think I stayed with Allana because she distracted me from my heartache, and look how that’s going for me now.” He looked up at his two friends with tears in his eyes.

“W-well mate I mean anyone who was born yesterday could even see that Allana was just there to keep you busy…” Harrison said and Tuwaine slapped his neck while Tom groaned.

“God, Harrison, you’re shit at this. Tom, don’t pay attention to him. The only way you can fix this is by confronting the pain, not ignoring it. No matter how painful the feelings and memories are you need to bring them out and come to terms with it.” Harrison nodded.

“Yeah, you’re not the only one who’s felt pain before. You know I’ve been numb after a bad breakup before, and you were there to help me heal. It’s gonna be difficult to get over it trust me on that, but you have us here and your family to help you. Now if you don’t mind, why don’t you tell us what you’ve felt the past 6 months so we can help now.” Tom cried more and hugged Harrison and Tuwaine. 

“I feel very vulnerable right now, but thanks, you guys are the best.” They smiled and sat across from Tom to listen to his troubles.

“It’s ok to feel vulnerable sometimes.” Tuwaine said.

-

“Wow, I feel like shit, but also a little free.” Tom said sniffling, his eyes were beyond puffy, and they were hurting a bit. Both Haz and Tuwaine cried a bit as well.

“Yeah that was pretty heavy, but I know you’ll get through it, mate. You’re strong.” Tuwaine said with a smile and Harrison agreed,

“I think you should talk to y/n about this though. She needs to know what you’ve been feeling. Oh and of course apologize for what you said to her.” said Harrison. 

Tom nodded and asked, “Do you think y/n will ever forgive me?” 

“From what I know I think she’ll come around eventually, but you know her the best, mate.” Tom agreed and hoped to a high power that you’d forgive him even if it takes weeks. Tom was determined to win your trust and friendship back.

“Here take this food up to her and Harry as well.” Haz said, handing Tom two plates.

-

Tom lightly kicked your door because his hands were full. Harry swung the door open and clenched his jaw a bit when he saw Tom, but his expression softened when he saw how puffy and red Tom’s eyes were. 

“Well you look like shit.” Harry joked, making Tom smile a bit.

“I feel like it too.” Tom said softly. 

“Is that for us?” Harry asked looking at the two plates in his hands.

“Y-yeah,” Tom handed Harry the plates, “I wanted to apologize to you for being a dickhead, I get now why you guys didn’t tell me what happened.”

“We’re a bit at fault too, we should’ve thought about how you’d feel.” Tom nodded in agreement, “But you shouldn’t be apologizing to just me. You really hurt y/n’s feelings.” 

“Yeah I know. I need to talk to her now.” Tom said sternly. Harry peaked back into your room and said,

“Sorry she doesn’t want to talk right now.” 

“Y/n? Please let me explain everything. I-I didn’t mean what I said to you down there.” Your heart began to beat faster. The door was opened wider and you saw Tom’s tired and sad face, your heart ached, “Please, y/n, I-I need you.” You wanted to give in, but you just couldn’t bring yourself to and you shook your head.

“Tom, I’m sorry. I’m not ready to talk yet. P-please leave.” You said as tears rolled down your cheeks again, his heart dropped.

“W-well then, I’ll wait out here until you’re ready to talk.” You watched as he began to cry again and sit against the wall across from your door. Harry gave his brother an apologetic look before coming back into your room and shutting the door. He set the plates on your desk and gave you a long hug. You sobbed even more.

“H-Harry, I’m hurting.” 

“Shhh, I know. I can tell Tom is hurting right now too.” He rubbed your back.

“I-I think I should leave.” You said and Harry detached from you. 

“What? No you can’t do that, y/n. It’s not safe to leave the country a-and Stacy said you can’t remember?”

“No, I mean leave this house. I know it’s gonna be hard to find a place, but I’ve only caused problems and I don’t want to cause anymore conflict.” You looked at Harry sadly.

“I’m not gonna force you to stay, but running from your problems doesn’t solve anything. Remember when you told Tom that?” You nodded your head sadly. He was right, but you felt like a mess and you didn’t want the boys to have to clean you up.

- Hour and a half later -

“Love, I’m going to go to bed now. I can stay and sleep on the floor if you want.” Harry said.

“No no. It’s ok I’m feeling a lot better now. Thanks for making me feel better with Harry Potter.” You smiled at him, your eyes hurt a bit.

“No problem, love. Don’t hesitate to come to me if you need anything later tonight.” You nodded and he kissed your forehead walking away with the two empty plates. When he opened the door your heart melted seeing a sleeping Tom with an empty plate next to him. 

Harry looked back at you and chuckled, “He really did wait. You want to talk to him?” You thought for a bit before sighing and nodding your head. Harry nudged Tom with his foot and he stirred awake. Tom looked surprised at you before getting up. He thanked Harry for taking his plate and walked into your room. 

“Y/n, I’m so sorry-”

“Tom, before you say more, I’m going to move out.” Tom’s heart broke. He couldn’t let you leave again, not after everything he told Haz and Tuwaine.

+++

Tag list <3 :  @averyfosterthoughts @thollandx @mrsjeffwittek @panicattheeverywherekid @racewife2004 @greatpizzascissorstaco @witchything @wheelertozier @runway-to-my-aid @rafficorn @jessirosebud @peterspideyy  @superstarchick @jackiehollanderr @astridcommings @mineymak712 @hollands-osterfield @inhumanwithpowers @aduky​ @thevelvetseries​ @twelfthnightorwhatyouwill1998​

[c00t]

first_week

it has been a pretty blurry almost week now, since i left my parents’ little hobby farm in rural ontario and flew across the big old atlantic and landed in berlin.

wednesday — quick jaunt through security in montreal and then a glass of wine, poke bowl and the china vs canada curling match. flight was ... no sleep ... babies screaming ... man in front of me had his seat back all the way ... drinking yoghurt at midnight ... just girly things. 

thursday — landed at CDG in paris. had to transfer to terminal 2F. CHAOS at their security line, and almost missing the flight paris 2 berlin. bumpy landing in berlin, and then waited for luggage for 3 hours until the brandenburg airport was pandemonium and i then waited in line for 2 hours at the lost and found desk. i. was. so. tired. 

made it to my flat after a chaotic run-in at ostkreuz bc the berlin transit system is like TRAINS less like SUBWAYS (from my experience thus far)

met anthony who made me tea and had a good first little chat; a lovely middle aged swedish man who’s lived here for five years. 

friday — i slept all day and then went to the grocery store up the street called rewe. funny how grocery stores are so similar and yet so different. and everything is in german (obviously) but !!!! somehow i was so shocked. also... automatic fridges?! you hover your hand, as if reaching for something inside the fridge, and the door OPENS for you. Also fridges all around the outside of the store FILLED with meat and cheese (there was a veggie one too, dw)

i bought seitan steaks... which chopped up and fried with MAGGI... bro... with instant mashed potatoes? they have no right. i’m shockith.

saturday — i ventured out to find my fave store MONKI, and wandered through the neighbourhood and over to Friedrichshain. saw a bit of the east berlin gallery and went to the east mall which was BEAUTIFUL. and so interesting to see that malls, while they host clothing stores, they are more centred around everyday purchases / errands (optometrist, grocery stores, electronic stores, etc.)

sunday — sunday’s are the rest day, and pretty much everything is closed. so i caught up on some sleep and ended up finding the missing piece of my charger. my laptop has power! just in time to get myself organized for my anmeldung appointment the next day. 

monday — after a quick cry in the toilet, i ventured to a scary day. going to get anmeldung without someone who speaks german... fk. everything was ok though. the lady was nice, and spoke english... so i got lucky. then i stormed around neukolln and all the turkish shops, and tempelhof airport and then i stormed in, finally to this cutie restaurant, where the barista let me sit, even though my vax-pass wasn’t working. OOOF. 

but had the best damn meal i’ve had in a WHILE.

tuesday – recalibrated my psyche

wednesday – walked to rummelsburg bucht and passed by the sysyphos (sp?) and then went to kaufland ! still amazed @ the cashiers abilities to ring you through ha ha

thursday – my luggage arrived! hallelujah. just one piece, but still have never been so happy to see a bag…

friday – set out to get my vaccine passport changed to an EU one, little luck. the apoteke said “not for tourists” “can’t do it without doctors’ stamp”

walked up the little trail beside the tracks which was nice! things are starting to get greeeeen (yay) and into and around friedrichshain.

then went to the O2 store to get a sim - the guy spoke english (thank gawd) and asked me if it was true that marijuana is legal EVERYWHERE in canada lol we love getting drug tips from phone guys < 3 but honestly work, and yes to destigmatizing convos surrounding drugs.

and my second bag arrived ! and i unpacked !

and registered for german school (:

so really a packed amount of time. feels like forever and no time at all.

[memorylang]

Identity at the End | #34 | March 2020

With this last story, I share my journey crossing the States, having arrived from Mongolia beyond a blur evacuating around COVID-19.  

With this to conclude my first nine months a Peace Corps Volunteer, I focus on identity. I share subtle moments from between hours of packing, farewells to Mongolian friends and the journey to Mongolia’s capital. I also share huge moments from my flights crossing Eurasia. By my stories’ end, you’ll know what’s next.

First, let’s pick up where we left off. 

America Alone

Moments before, I said goodbye to the last Peace Corps Volunteer I’d see for a while. That late Thursday, March 5, I just had me now. 

I stepped inside the Radisson JFK where I’d stay this night. I felt a little disappointed the receptionist said to take the 5:30 a.m. shuttle not the 6:30 (when I could’ve gotten breakfast). But I tried not to sweat it, knowing my backpack of food from Mongolia remained. 

That night, I enjoyed a refreshing shower, rested four and a half hours and reorganized my packs to get off the many clothes layers I wouldn’t wear flying to Vegas. Then I headed forth before the crack of dawn. 

Turns out my flight’s captain rode our shuttle, which felt neat. Being able to understand people’s small talk in English felt weird. Like a superpower. 

The shuttle driver had us announce our airlines, then he dropped us off accordingly. Nice guy. 

I wandered to find Delta in JFK’s big place. Bright lights contrasted outside’s darkness. American diversity caught my eye. I felt amazed, seeing so many different looking people. I felt as though in ‘another country’ in the Big Apple. Even when I lived in Nevada, visiting NYC felt like trips abroad. 

I felt surprised to see almost no one wore masks to try mitigating Coronavirus spread. I heard New York had serious cases. So, I let my guard down a little, figuring on that Friday, March 6, I’d escaped global paranoia. 

One Last Airport 

Well, at my check-in desk, the woman told me to stand against a wall when I spoke of having returned from Mongolia. She added she was joking. I didn’t like her joke. Thus, I returned to limit mentioning I was in Mongolia (which, at that time, had no COVID-19 cases). 

As I waited in lines, I checked my phone to see Peace Corps friends announcing in our group chat they were home. Others had stickier situations. My Catholic friend, for example, got stranded overnight in Berlin, since his group, scheduled to fly through Frankfurt, rescheduled. My friend sent me beautiful photos from his Berlin outing. I felt glad. 

After clearing security, I felt convenience being able to prop my foot on a bench to tie my boot. To elevate feet is a bit taboo in Mongolia. So, American culture has its conveniences.

Aboard the shuttle to my gate, I noticed the time and saw I’d reach by 6:30 a.m., not even boarding till 7:30. I could’ve had time to grab breakfast at the hotel. But, then I remembered today’s the second Friday of Lent. So, a fasting day. Perhaps God did me a favor having me miss breakfast, hehe...

American Culture 

In the West, I get few bonus points for adhering to culture norms. Especially in the States, many unremarkably expect others to know how things work. 

I felt this at a water fountain near my JFK gate. A woman stood sort of behind a man refilling his bottle, but she was a bit to the left side. So I asked her, "Are you filling up, too?" She replied yes pleasantly. So I waited to refill my bottle after her. 

Americans expect each other to wait their turns. We assume people who arrive first should go first. If we're not sure, we might ask. On the flip side, in the East, usually the most urgent people go, even if they’re not first. 

I also liked how people in Asia felt more amazed when I followed cultural norms, for they often didn’t expect foreigners to know them. I received more forgiveness, too, for my Asian faux pas, too. 

(Bonus points if you remembered I couldn’t find a drinking fountain in Amsterdam’s airport, the day before!)

Ready for Takeoff

I returned to my waiting area seat. Amusingly, I noticed my Delta flight marked, ‘DL’—It had my name on it! I shared. Peace Corps staff liked my joke. 

When my Peace Corps cohort first met last May, we’d asked each other where in the States we came from. Fast-forward nine months to a couple days ago in Mongolia’s capital for evacuation, and we’d asked the reverse: where we’d fly home. Many felt surprised I’d fly to Vegas, for they say I don’t seem I’d be from there. I usually just added it’s where my family lives. I think my Midwestern childhood shaped me enough to still consider myself more ‘from’ the Midwest. Still, Vegas is alright. 

We boarded, and I, having settled in, found myself with my last flight home. Outside, I saw personnel defrosting the wing. I remembered Ulaanbaatar the day before. This time, chemicals weren’t green, just misty. 

As our plane climbed, I paused, pondering how to mark the occasion of my Peace Corps journey’s last leg. And so, identity resurfaced as what I sought to reevaluate. Now, I take you one last time down evacuation memory lane. 

World Window—Change

Barely a week earlier than New York was Thursday, Feb. 27, and I needed a break. The night before, we Peace Corps Mongolia Volunteers learned we’d leave and had to pack up as fast as feasible. So in my apartment I pushed the night through day, finally sleeping that afternoon after receiving notice I wouldn’t leave till the coming Sunday, March 1. 

I paused later that evening, taking another break from packing. A Peace Corps cohort friend called me. We sometimes chatted on slower evenings to check in, given our shared interests in anthropology, history, religions and the like. 

Well, we wound up chatting a cathartic two hours (which wasn’t too uncommon). Since her province was near the capital, Peace Corps would collect Volunteers from her site over a day before mine. So she’d already arrive and could fill me in after I make it. I felt seeing each other again so soon since December would feel weird but cool! 

As we talked, I’d paced into my bedroom, habitually gazing out my window. 

The sun was setting. I’d only two sunsets left before leaving this city I loved. I longed to savor these moments. As the call progressed, a dark night bloomed with faraway lights seeming star-like. 

My window overlooked both a nearby hill to my ger district on the left and faraway hills of another get district toward the center. In my right periphery, I saw a smidge of downtown’s few tall apartments, beside the two-lane main road. Few cars passed afar now, for cops enforced people remain at home to mitigate Coronavirus’ spread if it reached Mongolia. 

World Window—Acceptance 

I realized while chatting with my Peace Corps friend, when I first arrived in this city, I felt lonelier. This quarantine revived my August 2019 feeling of knowing people are out there but not knowing where to see them. At that time, I didn’t know who they were or what they were like. 

So now, I realized, I’d really integrated, after all. 

Integration wasn’t how I expected—Peace Corps life rarely is.  

I worried, when Peace Corps Mongolia placed me at a site that’s known Volunteers for generations, I could have to live up to predecessors’ standards. But rather, locals seemed more interested in knowing me for me. I found adventure in uncovering past cohorts through locals’ fond memories. 

In my city, I met so many talented people with huge dreams. And they wanted me to be part of those dreams (or I already was). I hoped in the days following to fit the few goodbyes I could. 

For, I’ve loved being a Volunteer. To live as a servant feels liberating. I live to serve, and the world meets my needs. In whatever jobs I take after Peace Corps, I want to serve. 

My friend and I’d later meet again Monday afternoon, March 2, when she caught me up in the capital. We drained our bank accounts together that Wednesday. And on Thursday, March 5, we coincidentally sat i n the same row for our flights to Moscow and Berlin. 

Easier Being Me Overseas

Cultures sure reveal subjectivities. 

Before Peace Corps, many people I knew, including my parents, didn’t like much my  abnormally great willingness to let my joy be joy and show my enthusiasm as it is. Indeed, many preferred I be less ‘that.’ As I grew older, I learned to stifle these more regularly. I considered if I was blessed with great joy, then praying for temperance can help me balance it. 

To my amazement, many Mongolians found my tendencies endearing. I loved how in Mongolia, many enjoyed my idle rhythmic movements, calling them, “dancing,” versus my dad’s more patronizing label of, “swaying in the breeze.” (Even Mom once asked a doctor if I’d something wrong with me…) So Mongolians were kinder. 

On Sunday, March 1, while my Peace Corps group evacuated to the capital and our car met up with the van, I felt overjoyed seeing again Peace Corps friends. 

I know expressiveness has its time and place—I did public relations and communications. But in interpersonal life, when we’re freer to be ourselves, I try to be myself. And, while people in the West tended to view my actions as ‘childish,’ those in the East tended to view the same as ‘cute.’ Mongolians (and Chinese, too) more often enjoyed my visible and verbal elation toward our world’s wonders. I felt relieved from greater acceptance. 

But, I felt touched, too, by a Peace Corps friend who asked me to give her a moment for sorrow when she needed it. To voice our needs, I feel, is among the most powerful and difficult tasks in our lives. When she had that courage, I respected her wishes and returned to humble masking. Outside, I still felt awed to bask in snowy hills we Peace Corps Volunteers had to leave behind. 

My friend and I reconnected the next day, after getting time in the capital to understand our evacuation. She was my senior cohort friend I enjoyed dinner with Monday night, alongside the anthro. friend from my cohort. 

From Nine Months—Mongolian?

Throughout Lunar New Year’s /Tsagaan Sar/, I confused local children when they opened their family’s doors to me. Their parents would explain I'm a Peace Corps Volunteer from America who speaks English, to which the children would apologize to me thinking I was Mongolian! 

I didn’t mind. I figured this mostly came from children’s lack of meeting foreigners. 

Fast-forward a few days later, and my friends gathered in my apartment to see me off Saturday night, Feb. 29. While they relaxed in my living room thankfully enjoying my snacks, they asked what I'd do in the States and how I felt. I admitted worries that American anti-Asian sentiments grew, considering Coronavirus’ source as China. 

But my friends looked shocked and insisted, no I don't look Chinese, I just look American. 

I mentally pushed back, knowing I look to most Americans Chinese (but at least Asian). Still, I felt debating whether Americans think I look American felt trivial. I just chuckled, accepting my friends’ positive vibes. If only more Americans were as inclusive as these Mongolians...

During my sunset hike later that night, my high schooler friend added something else: 

"You look like a Mongolian person!"

Having summited and taken our selfies, I sat nonchalantly on a rock. I wore my face mask, hats and all, plus the sky-blue jacket my colleagues gifted me. My friend insisted I looked Mongolian. I had him photograph me so I could share it with the others. To my amazement, my FLEX alumnus friend agreed with the teen! I hadn’t done anything outside my norm, so I felt amused that my mannerisms made me seem Mongolian to Mongolians. 

Nine months seems enough time to be born again. 

Flying Mongolian

Aboard my MIAT Mongolian Airlines flight from Thursday, March 5, identity confusion extended. 

The experience led me to ponder, one does not often aspire to be a foreigner. People yearn to belong, to integrate. 

Here’s the first part. As the flight attendant came down the aisle, she addressed passengers in either Mongolian and English (and maybe Russian, too). But when she reached me, she spoke straight Mongolian! I felt surprised but went with it. I replied, "цай" /tsahy/ (tea), followed by "хамаагүй" /ha-mah-gwee/ (doesn't matter) when she inquired which kind. 

I felt shocked how smooth that went, too. It reminded me of flights to and from China, when attendants would sometimes address me in Chinese and I’d reply likewise. 

Still, the next few times the attendants addressed me, they continued speaking to me exclusively in Mongolian, even after they spoke English to my Caucasian Peace Corps Volunteer friend seated across my row. 

Eventually I reckoned flight staff thought I was Mongolian because I wore a face mask like Mongolian passengers. 

Before long, I felt a moment's impostor situation. Flight staff came back down the aisle to ask about drinks again, after serving meals. I'd my mask off. 

I feared, this is it. They'll see me as the foreigner I am and stop speaking to me in Mongolian. Well, I felt moved while it lasted. 

Then God surprised me! The attendant asked in Mongolian what I’d drink. She didn't quite hear me a moment, though. I flinched—I thought, oh, she can see my lips, she’ll know I’m inauthentic. 

I trooped on anyway and tried again, "ус" /ohs/ (water). She heard, provided and continued on—And that was that. 

I felt stunned. 

Ultimately, I felt so content Mongolians assumed me for Mongolian. I guess that's the ultimate step of belonging—being believed to be like anyone else. 

Never in high school would I have guessed that the civilization I loved so much might one day assume I too came from their great nation Chinggis Khaan made.

Flying Ambiguity 

I later felt disappointed when a flight attendant responded, "Water?" in response to something I asked in Mongolian. 

So I wondered what factors influenced with which language flight attendants addressed me. 

I wondered if my Asian features made me seem Mongolian. Or maybe the sky blue jacket my colleagues gifted. I suspected once I hid my mask and stowed my extra cold-weather sweater that I took on the more "foreign" look. Perhaps my mannerisms influenced, too. Maybe when I read English language books, I seemed better to speak English with. 

But I acknowledged even on Chinese airlines, attendants consistently inconsistently chose in which language to address me. So, achieving similar cultural ambiguity for seeming as Mongolian to Mongolians as I seemed Chinese to Chinese felt the best of both worlds! 

Further, as our flight was leaving Moscow for Berlin, I noticed attendants asked me in English, "Please stow your luggage under the seat," but in Mongolian said, "Please turn off your phone." 

Originally I wondered if maybe some just didn't know English? But I heard them speak it. Maybe speaking English just took more mental energy? I hypothesized at last they spoke English when they suspected I wouldn’t understand the Mongolian, otherwise addressing me in Mongolian. 

On an amusing note, I noticed on the flight, “бүсээ” /büsehh/ meant “belt,” which sounded similar to the word “бүс,” which Peace Corps Mongolia translated as “region.” I felt comforted by this simple connection I made in trying to get the language.

But my language musings fell away once we touched down in Berlin and made the many farewells. I transferred from the Mongolian airline to a Dutch one. European cultures drew my attention. Then at last I reached America. 

Discerning Aspirations

As I flew alone above the States, I felt the hollowness of having made my last goodbyes to amazing Peace Corps people. 

When I get the call back to Mongolia, I’ll go. If I can’t, I’ll find a new path. 

In the meantime, I accepted my first nine Mongolian months had passed. Moments later, I felt the vibes of my past flights from New York home to Vegas. I tended to see in-flight films back then. 

With hours left till Vegas, I relaxed, taking up my ol’ habit searching for either Chinese films or English ones subtitled in Chinese. “Frozen II” had subtitles. I’d passed it on flights before, so I decided I’d give it a try. 

Then I felt moved. Seeing Anna’s self-giving love and Elsa’s identity bound seeking their late mother, “Frozen II” catalyzed my new start in America. I actually cried from its climax. (So, see “Frozen II” ahead of the story I’ll write this May, if you fear spoilers.) I’ll return to this in time for Mother’s Day. 

The End

For now, this marks the finale to my Mongolian start as a Peace Corps Volunteer. Having returned home Friday, March 6, 2020 to an America just waking up to COVID-19, I’ve been stateside exactly eight weeks now. 

Less than 10 days after my return home, Peace Corps would make international headlines, and my life flared up that Lent. Then came Easter, life’s renewal. 

So something’s next—sweeping us through both March and April, 2020—my Easter epilogue. 

Till then, thank you for joining me. I hope you learned something from these 34 stories—They were at least entertaining, right? Well, thanks for humoring me anyway. I look forward to sharing with you how I’ve spent my American quarantine and the hope in life to come. 

Love, Daniel <3

You can read more from me here at DanielLang.me :)

[tomimagineholland]

LOVE TRIANGLE (Steve, Tony x Reader)

Request: Hi can I have an iron man and Captain America imagine about jealousy? I love when they bicker and argue! Please and thank you 😘😘 - @keepcalm-and-beyou A/N: Hey) I’m sorry, it turned into some another thing😅 it was really hard for me to imagine it, but I think it’s a good one) There is a jealousy moment and argue moment too! Hope you’ll love it! And I’m sorry if there is some mistakes, cause I write really fast 😅! ❤️✌️ REQUESTS ARE OPEN! __________________ On the way to Avengers Tower… “It’s so big” you think while looking at Avengers Tower. It’s almost 2 month since you want to take an interview from Tony Stark, Iron Man himself! And finally after this long time you have a little time to talk to him… it’s 3 months since Airport Battle and everyone wants to know a little bit more about it! Of course up don’t work on some famous newspapers, you just have your blog on Internet… but it’s only beginning! You are inside. You are on a lift . You saw Vision playing chess and Natasha looking at the city through the window with a really pensive face, they didn’t notice you at first but then you said “Hey” They looked at you surprisingly. “Hey, what happened?” Said Vision with a smile on his face. Natasha is still looking at you. “Hello, I’m (Y/N), I’m reporter… kind of… I have a meeting with Mr. Stark” you a little shame ‘cause you talk to an android tho… “Oh, he is…” started Vision “I’m right here” said Tony. He turn around and see him, he doesn’t wear t-shirt he has a towel on his shoulder - he just came out from a shower. “Who sent us this beautiful rose?” He tried to joke, you smiled even if it sos took funny… “We have a meeting, I wanted to take an interview, my name is (Y/N)” you stretch your hand to him. He takes it, but doesn’t shake, he kisses it and looks into your eyes. “So… where will we talk?” It’s a little awkward moment, you take your hand back… “Just wait for me in my office, I’ll be back in next 15 minutes! Romanov, show her where to go!” Said Tony and went to another room. “I’m not your secretary, Stark” said Natasha with a strict stern look. “Come on (Y/N), this way” said Natasha with a tired smile. 20 minutes later… You sit on a chair waiting for Mr. Stark and reading a questions. He opens the door and comes in. “So, let’s start, I’m ready” said he, sat right in from of you! “Coffee maybe, ha?” “No thanks!” Said you, “I’m don’t have a lot of time so…” “Okay” says Tony, stands up and takes a bottle of red wine and two wineglasses. “Then this will help” he said with a smile. You decided just don’t pay attention… “So, first question, Mr. Stark. What was the reason of all that happened? This battle is just horrible, especially for friends that saved the world, like, 3 times…?” You asked, you looked at him, his smile is gone, he drunk a little Ana started: “All of this happened because of stupidity of one person! We all could avoid this… but we didn’t. We did a lot of things together, yes, but now it all seems like nothing important. Next question please” he said, he started look nice again and tried to smile. “Okay” you wrote everything on you notebook and recorded to your phone. “So, Mr. Stark…” he interrupted you: “Just Tony please, cause I can call you with you name, (y/n), so do you!” “Okay, I’m sorry.” It’s really surprisingly, he always knew that Stark is very mean person… “So next question: We all know that there was Spider-Mn himself, he often appears in Queens and suddenly he appears in Berlin with completely new suit, as we can see on videos that surveillance cameras took. He question is: do you connect with him now? Where is he now? And do you know who is behind the mask?” You asked and you’re looking at him now. “Oh yeah, he helped us a lot. Very nice kid. You are right, a made a new suit for him! And i can say it’s amazing! Not as good as mine of course but still, I’m Stark or not!? I don’t think I can tell you where he is now, but I do connect with him, a lot! Of course I know who is behind the mask, I know everything about everything! I assure you, it’s not his last “big adventure”, you will hear about him a lot soon.” He drunk a little bit more. You didn’t yet. “Okay. Next one: Do you know where Steve Rogers is right now? Rumors say that he and his team, Vanda Maximoff, Ant-Man, Falcon and others escaped from prison, is it true? And what will happen to Avengers now? Literally half of the team is kind of criminal now, how can people trust you now?” He looked very thoughtful! After a little pause he started: “I don’t CARE where Rogers is. I don’t even want to know it, I have a lot of another things to think about! About prisoners, yeas it’s true, but I assure you they will not appear for a long time! We are still Avengers! Team that will help you people still exist. You can trust us, we are not guilty because of other’s mistakes…” he was really serious! Suddenly, your phone ringed, you got a message… “Who is texting us, honey?” Asked Tony “Excuse me, what? At first not “us”, second please don’t call me like this anymore. I have to go to another interview, thank you for your time.” You sand up and left. “We will continue later, bye!” Next morning… Your home. You woke up, took your phone and saw 3 notifications. from “S”: “I will be there at 8 p.m!” From unknown number: “Yesterday I was a little drunk, I’m sorry, let’s continue our interview today in “SEVDA” restaurant. Tony Stark.” And a notification from your blog: “your last interview post got 1 million 749 thousand views! It’s the most successful post, and it’s on the Top of recommended posts! Congratulations, (Y/N)! Administration! “I have a thing to do, but I think i can combine it all! I will be there at 7.30 p.m! mr. stark but it’s only an interview!” You answered to the first message. “I’m really thankful for your message. I looked for you for a long time! Let’s meet today in “SEVDA” restaurant at 8 p.m?” You sent this to the second message! Your phone rings twice again… “of course! So deal then, at 7.30 p.m in SEVDA restaurant! I will send you limousine to your home… be ready at 7.00 p.m!” From Tony Stark “Oh really? Okay) I will be there!” From “S” You are shocked because of Tony’s message. Limousine? No, no, it’s just an interview… “I can get there on my own. I don’t need limousine, it’s not a date, just an interview!” You sent to Tony. “Of course, of course)” you got the answer… Restaurant “SEVDA” 7.28 P.M You don’t wear something special, but it’s a restaurant at least, you have to look good so you took on your best dress… You came in, surprisingly nobody was there, “but why” you think, it’s Friday’s evening. You saw Tony right in front of you, as soon as he sees you, he stands up and goes to you. “Good evening, (Y/N), lets sit?” Said Tony, he took your hand like it’s a date… you took it away and said “what is going on Mr. Stark? Where is everyone?” “I rented all restaurant for this evening, so no one can interrupt your interview.” He said with a smile. You’re sitting now, there is a wine on the table, candles and you can hear some romantic music… “Mr. Stark, I already told you, it’s just an interview. It’s not a date and it will never be! Now please stop it all! If you think that every girl loves you are wrong! I don’t, it’s just my job!” You are really disappointed by all this situation! “Mr. Stark, I’m sorry, but we couldn’t stop this person, he says he has a meeting here with a girl who’s name is (Y/N)” said a security guy after a little awkward silence… “And who is this person?” Asked Tony “It’s, *khm* Captain America… Mr. Stark” said a security guys, with a little scary… “What? Oh really (Y/N)? You don’t want to be with me on a date, and also you invited HIM? How long do you know each other? How long are you together? You know he is criminal!” Tony just freaked out when he heard his name, he looks at you with some mad and disappointed look. “Mr. Stark, at first, who are you to talk with me like this? I know my place so you better know yours!!!” You stand up: “Second, I just wanted to take an interview from both of you together! And we are not dating and it’s none of your business!” You looked at security guy and said “I’ve been waiting for this moment to take an interview from him for a long time! And now when it’s almost done I don’t want anything to spoil this moment! Now immediately let Him in!” You are so mad and you can’t control yourself, you just can’t be calm anymore… the security guy didn’t move, he just looked at Mr. Stark with a questionable face. “Mr. Stark, tell him to let Steve in right now, or I’m leaving!” You still didn’t sit, You are waiting for his reaction. After a minute of thinking he said to security guy let Steve in! “You know, I can just call the police and they will come here in a minute! And next time you see him is in a prison! But I will not do it now!” Whispered Tony to you! You said something kind if “thank you”… Steve comes in! He wears black traditional suit, he has bouquet of flowers in his arm… he sees you and smiles, then he sees Tony and his face changes a little. “Ahaha what the hell you wear?” Tony laugh “What the hell are YOU doing here? Ha?” Said Steve with really serious face! “I’m giving some interview, don’t you see fool? What are you doing here?” “I’m on a date with (Y/N)” said Steve, he put the flowers on the table and looked at you “What?” Asked you and Tony at the same time, you are shocked! “What the hell is going on with both of you? Of a girl invites you somewhere it doesn’t mean she loves you!” You freaked out. “Definitely it does, I know you like me (Y/N)” said Tony with a smug smile. “She doesn’t like you! She invited me to this restaurant! For a date!” Said Steve, he looks at Tony now. “Oh God! It’s just an interview what the hell is on your minds???” You asked. “Why did you invite him? Do you know he is virgin? And he is 95 years old, he didn’t even kiss a girl, ever!” Said Tony. “Oh really? But I know for sure that I done need to take some pills.” Said Steve. “Shut up!” Said Tony with a scary look. “Oh why?” Said Steve, then he looked at you: “he takes some pills I think you know for what! I know it since a year ago!” ���But it’s not… you know what? I’m still better then you at this case!” Said Tony with a smile! “Take you suit ON and let’s find out!” Said Steve, he is serious. “Oh I thought we on the contrary should take our suit off for this case” Said Tony with a smile on his face! Steve opened his mouth trying to say something, but you interrupted them: “Stop it! STOP IT RIGHT NOW! How did you live with each other before? I don’t like both of you guys, and finally I have a boyfriend and we will get married soon! Bye, I hope you won’t kill each other now!” You took your stuff and left the restaurant! 1 hour later Steve and Tony eats some shaurma in a local cafe! “I know for sure, if she didn’t have a boyfriend, she would prefer me , not you!” Said Tony… “You really want to start it again Stark?” Asked Steve.. “Just kidding… relax!” Said Tony… “But she is beautiful isn’t she?” Asked Tony with a smile on his face. Steve nods and smiles too…. THANK YOU GUYS FOR READING THIS! REQUESTS ARE OPEN) YOU CAN ASK FOR WHATEVER YOU WANT! BYE❤️✌️

[tripstations]

I caught trains across Europe to impress a hot man – and to try to save the world | Brigid Delaney | Opinion

Last year I met a real hot babe while swimming in a bay off a Greek island.

Drying off we got to talking, then walking along the cliff, before finding somewhere nice to sit down for a drink.

It was golden hour, the sun was going down over the sea, and all was right in the world. Then we started arguing about climate change.

I told him about my trip so far, and he thought it was DISGUSTING the amount of flying I did. He had arrived in Greece by train and boat.

“But that would take six weeks from Australia!” I protested.

Nonetheless, I decided that next time I was in Europe I would travel overland. So I am getting the train and bus from Berlin to Rome.

Costing €300 (plus accomodation along the way), the journey took 18 hours.

It would be too late to impress the guy – but maybe, even better! – it would help the planet.

Berlin to Munich

I think I’m sitting in the wrong seat but I can’t be sure. According to my ticket (€110, double the cost of flying to Milan from Berlin) I’m meant to be in something Carte 22 and this is a carte I just got on randomly.

I immediately feel ill at ease. There must be a German word for this discomfort you feel on a train when you are in the wrong seat.

In Nuremberg a man looms over me and says: “Das ist mein platz, den du bist!” – or words to that effect – and so I move to a nearby seat, and the cycle of discomfort begins again.

My new seat offers only a partial view of the scenery, because the passenger in front, who has the full window, shuts the blind. To get a glimpse of the scenery, I have to look across the aisle. But those seats are occupied by a couple who are grinding each other into paste. His tongue is in her ear, her hands are down his pants. To look at the scenery, I have to look at them, or at least near them.

I resort to glances out their window (a castle, a warehouse, a light industrial area) but that is somehow worse, more furtive, than staring past them.

Munich to Verona

Next morning, the bus. What bus station is not grim? It’s like they punish us bus people for being poor, while the richer people get the nicer ceilings (often glass, often cathedral) in a train station.

Bus terminals tend to be at the back of something; hidden, unlovely, sad. A vending machine provides the only snacks. There’s no coffee. There’s no ceilings.

But as we drive from Munich through the alps into Austria it is stunning.

At the border, near a dramatic mountain range, we stop at a McDonald’s.

This McDonald’s is super nice. The enormous windows look out onto a meadow and the alps, snow-capped even in summer.

The view from the McDonald’s. Photograph: Brigid Delaney

Back on the bus and as we wind down into a valley, I notice we have a police escort. We turn into a large concrete yard where men in high-vis vests are waiting for us.

“This will take an hour,” the man sitting beside me says, shrugging.

Police enter the bus and ask for our passports. I had thought there was free movement between European borders and one of the attractions of overland travel was to skip security, but no. These checks are very thorough.

Our documents are taken away and we are told to get off the bus and remove our luggage, then stand in a line, away from our luggage, while it is searched, using dogs. It’s very hot out in the yard. The man who said “This will take an hour” is moved off the line, and taken away. He returns and for some reason I am very relieved.

After our bags and documents are checked, we are allowed back on the bus.

After 10 minutes in the hot, stationary bus, the police return and call out a name. The only guy on the bus wearing a suit stands up.

Another policeman takes his luggage and he’s taken off the bus.

When flying, the vast global complex that governs controls of borders is often hidden from most of us in plain sight. It takes place in small rooms. Or before we even get to the airport with a denial of a visa. We move around airports and through passport control like parts in a factory. Everything is designed to keep moving, to pluck off the defective pieces efficiently, without causing too much fuss, scrutiny or anxiety in others.

We usually don’t see people being taken off planes. Plane passengers aren’t asked to line up on the tarmac as a search is done of their luggage. There are hundreds of people on planes, and our time with them on short haul flights around Europe can be brief.

But sit all day on a bus with 20 people, pass around snacks, make eye contact and wonder about their life – you notice when one of them is pulled off and taken away.

The engine starts, the air con comes on, which is a relief as it’s 34C. But surely we won’t leave without the guy in the suit? What will happen to him?

Out the window I see his luggage being loaded off from the hold. We roll out of the yard into this almost surreal postcard landscape.

Verona to Modena

By bus, again. This two-hour trip goes through the Emilia-Romagna countryside – flat, green and crumbling castles in the distance. Even though there are only four of us on the bus, the driver tells me I am in the wrong seat and I have to sit in 15C, a bad seat in the middle of the bus, on the aisle.

I ask the driver for wifi, but he doesn’t understand my accent, so I have to pronounce it the Italian way: “Wee fee? Allora? You have wee fee?”

Modena to Bologna to Rome

Italy (and also Japan) must be the only countries where “train station food” is not a depressing phrase. For a couple of euros I get this delicious thing filled with ham, rocket and a soft creamy cheese (fresh mozzarella?), and a cappuccino.

But Bologna station is awful – a vector of stress. People with crying, distressed children and enormous luggage and massive wheels of cheese are trying to cram into elevators or perilously try to balance things – a finger on each massive piece of luggage as we go down an escalator.

Then I have a dark thought: imagine being killed by a falling wheel of cheese, while trying to be noble and stop climate change.

Travelling overland feels more like travel in the old sense. Flying gets you there quicker but compared to the bus it’s so antiseptic. On the train and bus, there’s more time to think, there’s more things to see and when I finally get to Rome there’s a greater sense of having undertaken a journey.

The post I caught trains across Europe to impress a hot man – and to try to save the world | Brigid Delaney | Opinion appeared first on Tripstations.

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[mjjjj07]

Nottingham Bound

I’ve been successfully living in Nottingham, England for about 2 weeks and really starting to get the hang of UK life! But first let’s rewind to my departure date on Tuesday, September 19th…my lovely parents and I woke up bright and early and departed to Tampa airport around 9am for my first flight TPA to ATL where we hurriedly hugged goodbye for as long as we could in the drop off area. My mom helped me wheel in my absurd amount of luggage to check my bags then I was on my own! I breezed through security and hung out at the gate anxiously watching the screen for a seat to be assigned to me (those of you who have never flown standby don’t know the torment of wondering “Will I make it on this flight?!”. Prior to boarding I was assigned a seat (a middle seat but luckily, it’s a short flight) and started in on my current read, “What Happened” by Hillary Clinton, for a majority of the flight.

Upon arrival in ATL I knew I had time to kill prior to my connection to Heathrow so I made my way toward Gate E and F where international flights leave. After a successful flight I figured I deserved a drink so I sat down at the Piano Bar in the food court area and ordered an overpriced glass of Sauvignon Blanc. While sipping my wine a girl who I presumed was a few years younger than me sat down a seat away from me and asked if the seat was taken. I replied no, go ahead and sit down and we got to talking. Turns out she was heading to Madrid, Spain! My home-away-from-home, what a nice little coincidence. She said she would be flying in and out of Madrid and traveling all over Spain for a span of about a month. I couldn’t wait to give her some tips of what to see and she asked for restaurant recommendations so I recommended La Rollerie which is a cute café where I ate almost every day during my first week located right in Puerta del Sol right in the heart of Madrid! I also told her about how some museums do discounted entry on Thursday evenings. Then I finished my wine, wished her luck and headed to grab a bite to eat and go to my gate.

When I got to Gate F5 there was no one in sight because I was so early so I plopped my stuff down, snacked on my veg subway sandwich and anxiously waited for my departure. Last time I left the country I talked to my sister Shelyah who calmed my nerves by saying how proud she was of me and that she believed I would be very successful and this time I talked to my sister Maddie. We talked about our days, reminisced a little, and talked about her coming to visit me in England. By this time people had gathered at the gate and the gate agents called my name to come up to the desk. When I went up to the desk I found out I was upgraded to first class! (One of my flight attendant friends told me first class seats cost $8k… holy crap). I was flying overseas in style! As I boarded I sat down and was immediately offered champagne which I humbly accepted 😉 The rest of the flight was pretty relaxing. We departed the east coast around 6pm and were set to arrive in London at 7am local time. During the flight I watched movies, listened to music, tried to sleep (which is difficult to do even in the fully reclining seats in first class), and of course ate and drank lots of yummy food and alcoholic bevvies. Landing in London was smooth and we were served breakfast but I was exhausted because  I had slept about 2 hours during the flight.

Customs was an absolutely ridiculous experience because they herded all the students like cattle into a blob of a line which took probably just short of 2 hours to wait in but I met a nice undergrad student who was from Malaysia. He told me when he went to New York and was unfortunately one of the detainees at the airport after Trump’s inauguration. He said they held him for 9 hours, took his phone, and didn’t really tell him what was going on. He said he was relieved to be released and able to call his family and even in spite of that he enjoyed his time in the states. I apologized on behalf of all Americans who didn’t vote for Trump (and the ones who did) and explained I was glad to leave the country for a year to escape the divided country America had become in recent years. After finally making it through customs and grabbing a cart to collect all my bags I decided to head toward the underground. It felt like I walked about 2 miles through the Heathrow airport with my stupid and heavy luggage cart until I realized riding the underground would be nearly impossible with all my luggage and being tired and cranky I decided to bite the bullet and see how much a taxi would be to get me to the St. Pancras train station where I had booked a train ticket to take me to Nottingham. Since I didn’t have a signal on my phone to call an uber - I didn’t have many other options. The taxi driver said it would cost me 80 pounds ($110) and be an hour and 15 min ride. I agreed and just put it on my credit card...ouch. I fought sleep the entire ride to the train station and then awkwardly struggled to drag all my luggage inside. I got directions from a nice policeman to the correct platform and there was wifi in the waiting area so I texted my landlord Sarah that I was in London. She said she would pick me up at the train station in Notts and bring me to my flat. All of this went as planned and when I finally got on the train I passed out dead asleep only to be awakened 15 minutes later by the ticket checker poking me…*Ticket please*… Oh here you go I said and then went back to sleep. Nottingham was the last stop on the train and when I unloaded everything I only had to wait a few minutes before Sarah arrived. The drive was quick to my flat which is in a small gated community of brick flats which mainly house students. Since I was the first one to arrive she let me have my pick of the girls’ rooms and I chose the biggest one 😊

The next day I decided to walk to campus for international student induction and random errands I needed to run. My first day was a HOT. MESS. I literally walked 10 miles trying to find my way from home to both campuses. Even using Google Maps and a campus map was confusing because some buildings have the same names. After getting good and sweaty, asking for directions umpteen times, and finally getting cash out so I was able to take the bus home later I actually made some progress on the errands I needed to accomplish which was picking up my Student ID card, BRP card (local English ID confirming visa status), and a schedule of events on campus.

A few days later my roommates started moving in (3 guys and 2 other girls). Mattia was the first to move in, he is Italian. Then Fran (English girl), Tom (English guy), and Max (German guy). And finally, Lauren (English girl). All of us get along very well so far and even ran some errands together to get some things for our bedrooms to feel more at home. I got “fairy lights” (which are just fancier named Christmas lights), a small purple lamp, and paper lantern to cover the naked lightbulb hanging from my ceiling. My room is pretty cozy now and even better that we have heat! All of us roomies get along very well and just had a successful “movie” night where I invited my course mates over and my flatmates joined us for pizza, wine, and snacks in our lounge. It was loads of fun and we all got along well with each other!

P.s. I booked my first adventure to Berlin, Germany on Nov 3-6 and some of my friends are planning to come too! Very excited to have a few getaways during my year abroad!

[lindsaytravelsabroad]

Day 1: Traveling

January 13-14, 2017

Fitting everything I wanted to bring into just two suitcases and one carry on bag was definitely a struggle. I was originally only supposed to bring one suitcase but it was 20 pounds overweight so luckily my mom let me bring another. But, even when we got to the airport both of my bags were overweight by about 4 pounds each. I had to get rid of my hiking boots and some shampoo. I used vacuum seal bags to make everything fit but I’m not sure if that just made everything heavier. Packing a little more in advanced might have been a smarter move but I really have been using almost everything I brought so I think the two bags was necessary.

Saying goodbye to Avery and my Mom was sad, they were both crying and didn’t want me to leave yet. Although I was nervous about making friends and being in a foreign country that I knew very little about, I was extremely excited to experience a new culture and have a change of scenery. Everyone I had talked to from school who had studied abroad in Cope loved it and Edwin highly recommended. Especially with Trump’s presidency just beginning, I was excited to be in a place that values universal health care, sustainability, and equality.

Getting through security went pretty smoothly. I was a bit nervous getting through the one in Newark since they held my bag on the side and ran a substance test on my computer. And then, when I was trying to shove everything back into my backpack, the zipper broke. Of course, just my luck but thank god I was able to fix it later. I made my way over to my gate to make sure that I knew exactly where it was and it was very easy to find. The airport was very nice but they didn’t have wifi, which ruined my entire plan to complete some internship applications while waiting to board my plane. So, I got some food and called a friend. 

This airport was different than the other ones I have been to, and I’ve been to a lot. The convenience store was all set out and it was self check-out. Then, there were these little stands that served different types of food like pasta, pizza, stir fry, and Mexican. I went with this Mexican burrito which was like $15. But, I was so confused about being in the airport and not knowing where to pay that I literally just forgot to pay and didn’t realize until I was already sitting down at a table and had finished half of it. I even walked back to the check-out machines to pay for it but I didn’t know how because the container didn’t have a barcode on it and there wasn’t an option to select the burrito. I felt really bad about it but figured the airport could spare a few dollars. Thinking about how Copenhagen, the country I was embarking on, is a trustworthy culture, made me feel even more guilty.

After I finished eating, I went to sit in front of my gate. People kept going up and asking questions but the board still had my plane information so I was certain that I was in the right place. But, as time went by, I realized that the number of people sitting near the gate wasn’t increasing and that they were using the gate next to mine to board. I went to the bathroom quickly and got in line just in time for my zone, zone 3, before zone 4 started to board. I thought “Phew! That would’ve been bad” and got to my seat. Luckily, there was no one next to me on the plane so I had the whole row (which was only 2 seats) to myself. The plane was surprisingly not that full since the middle row next to me only had 1 of the 3 seats occupied.

I love plane rides and this one was actually quite pleasant. There was a baby that would walk up and down the aisles with her dad waving at everyone. Ugh, I love babies; she really made my whole trip. I got the pasta for dinner which was actually pretty good and the vanilla ice cream was also delicious. Even though I’m 21 I didn’t order any alcohol because I didn’t know how that worked (charging, carding, etc.). Instead, I got apple juice, of course. I only slept a few hours but I watched 3 movies: Bad Moms, The Denial, and Storks. They were all pretty good but had very different moods. The guy sitting behind me to the right kept trying to smile at me and made me a little uncomfortable.

When the plane landed in Berlin, I had to go through customs and there was a huge line for it. I felt disgusting and tired, although it was about 7am there. I knew that it was going to be a very very long day. There was another baby in line with me that kept me in a good mood. He was a little black baby and he kept touching my suitcase and smiling at me; he was adorable, happy, and so very friendly. His mom was clearly getting annoyed at him wandering around since she was also trying to lug another bag which kept falling over. There was a couple behind me that chatted with a girl behind them and they talked about DIS, so I chimed in too. When I got to the window the immigration officer just asked me “study abroad?” and when I said yes she just said have a good day! Once I was inside the terminal, I went to a monitor to discover which gate my flight was boarding at but it said that it wouldn’t be displayed for another 30 minutes so I went to the bathroom and tried to freshen up... which really meant me putting on a baseball cap. I wandered around a little until it finally showed where I was boarding but the gate that it was at was being delayed and was filled with people. I sat at another gate until they boarded. When I moved over to our gate I talked to a girl going to DIS who was studying abroad in America from Vietnam I think. She was very nice but I knew she probably wasn’t someone that I would hang out with. 

I sat next to a kid from Maryland on the plane but slept the entire way there. The plane was freezing cold and I had to get up halfway through to get my parka from the upper compartment. When we got to Copenhagen we went to baggage claim but me and that girl, whose name I can’t remember, went a roundabout way and ended up in a weird part of the airport. After waiting for probably 30 minutes we retrieved our bags and were told to head over to the Hilton Hotel across the street. Unfortunately, one of her wheels caved into her suitcase and completely broke. Thank god we had the carts to help us lug all of our stuff over because otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to do it myself. They directed us to separate rooms depending on which type of housing we were. We put our luggage in rows and waited until our buses were called. I didn’t socialize much during this time because I was exhausted so I just sat down and connected to the wifi.

Weirdly, as I was waiting, Colin Finn, who is a boy I went to GWMS with, sat right next to me. I knew he was going to DIS but I did not think I would see him. He was very nice and it was a pleasant surprise. The bus ride was short but I was too tired to talk to the girl next to me. We were both worried about how to carry our bags to our housing. They dropped us off at a cobblestone square where we were to meet our SRAs. I had to ask someone to help me full one of my big bags to our house because it was too much for me. Strangely, I also saw Gabby Puche, a girl from Ridgewood, when we got off the bus. I didn’t even know she was coming to DIS. Mira, my roommate, and I moved our furniture around immediately and started unpacking. They had some fresh catered food in the kitchen waiting for us. It was my first glimpse at Danish food and seemed very healthy. Everything was green from the couscous salad, to the parsley salad, to the edamame salad. We were way too tired that day to go out but we went to retrieve our keys and information from Ludvig, our SRA, in the common room. Linn, our LLC coordinator, made us some homemade soup that evening. It was either squash or pumpkin with roasted nuts on top. It was delicious!

Overall, it was a good day. I managed to fit everything I brought into the storage that was provided to me and our room was pretty big. I’ll post some pictures of it tomorrow since Mira is sleeping right now.