#also the way they bonded so quickly?? this show makes me ILL

[captainkyee]

"nice work fives" "hardcase, right?" "yeah, that's what they call me"

FIVES' REPUTATION AS AN ARC TROOPER MUST HAVE BEEN SO GOOD OH MY LORD LIKE HARDCASE HAS BEEN IN THE 501ST LONGER BUT HE'S STILL LIKE "DAMN HE'S COOL" AND I JUST WANT TO SCREAM AND CURL UP INTO A BALL

[gotham-daydreams]

Oh my god due to the recent Alfred ask it makes me wonder and scream at the thought if there has ever been a moment when Reader asked Alfred if there's something else they can call him. Like DAD perhaps...(and this can go for different routes and so many juicy things, but ill get into that later).

But since the backstory is up to us, I like to think the Reader has a bio family which was questionable(maybe I'm projecting), so they never had a good track record with their dad and then Bruce adopted them and we know that didn't end well.

So when they ask Alfred if there's something else they can call him ( a lil show that they do see him closer than anyone and that he's important to us.) We could have gone back and forth with him talking about what to call him and stuff when we jokingly say something along the lines of "maybe not Dad since my track record with such isn't the best." Maybe they open up to Alfred about how their family/ life was before they were adopted by the batfam. Maybe even admit they can't see anyone as a dad figure after them (😭), so the thought is uncomfy for them( this hits in so many ways.) Or how they're scared if they call him dad something will change about Alfred and become like their 'dads'.

Which will undoubtedly hit some strings with Alfred. Seeing as how every 'dad' has failed them to the point they can't fathom or be comfortable with seeing or thinking of someone as a dad. But the fact that BRUCE had played a part in it 💀... Which is what's making the Reader confused and feel unsecured in his own personal relationship with the Reader (on what to call him, but probably in other stuff as well).

Back to the top part of the reader asking what they can call him, and they end up at something along the lines or at calling Alfred Dad.

It will undoubtedly make his heart squeeze and scrumble( One way could be he's being called 'Dad' after so long). Probably make Alfred a lot closer to the reader than before. Probably stepping up to the title and being closer taking care of Reader even more, now that he knows they have that emotional bond( stronger than before and the permission).

For little cute ideas/cenerios I imagine he makes an even greater effort to come to our plays and tournaments and sit front row probably recording.( in a reserved seat next to all the other empty ones 😒). And get a lil prissy when he can't make it (ESPECIALLY IF ITS BC OF THE BATFAM). He asks some of the organizers to record it specifically for him if they aren't doing it already, so he can watch it live (or once handed to him)while doing whatever keeps him from going. All so he can talk about it with us when we come back home and show how proud of us he is.

Definitely gets us gifts for each performance/ tournaments. If he was present he would walk with us a while after it ended and get us ice cream or out for a celebratory dinner. 😭

Okay but now for the lil angst part in that moment when we settle on what to call Alfred whenever it would be similar or is Dad or a different title all together that would be the moment we lose any real attachments to the Batfam. Not seeing them as siblings or parental figures anymore. At most just wanted to impress them but that quickly died off and just just focused on what we do have.

Alfred would also know that that was the moment or the end of the falling bridge with the Batfam and Reader. Which would probably hurt him cause the Batfam is still his family, but now he also has us and sees our neglect and what the batfam's consequences are. Probably breaking his own hope of us being accepted/ integrated into it and the Batfam to being back a normal dysfunctional but loving family with us in it.

Okay but the real ANGST. It's not just the reader and Alfred having heart to heart or other situations between the two of them. BUT INSTEAD BRUCE HEARING READER CALL ALFRED THE TITLE WE SETTLED ON. And it doesn't have to be only Bruce that would work for angst because the others are smart so if they hear Reader call Alfred by the title... They know it doesn't correlate to them and their relationship of being Reader's sibling because Alfred isn't that title to them. Connecting and discovering at the same time that the Reader doesn't see them as siblings and hasn't for a time they weren't even aware of.

Imagining just Bruce sneaking away and thinking by himself or even confronting Alfred 😩😩. The Batkids doing their research seeing Reader live their life completely disconnected from theirs only hammering that Reader doesn't see them as family. The only thing connecting to them being Alfred and even Alfred is a different role in Reader's life than in theirs.

Maybe Batfam finds out about what the Reader tried to get their attention only to give up, maybe they don't and just see the Reader slipping away until the Reader becomes a foggy memory again until the Reader moves away like in the [Not] series everything follows.

Hope you enjoy 🥰🥰💕 drink water 💦

Yeah!!! And since there is another ask that's about the reader considering Alfred their dad, and how Bruce would react to that, I won't be going too much into how Bruce himself would react since I'd like to explain it there when I get to it- but I will say that in very, very simple terms. Bruce is not happy about it. At all.

As for how the whole name thing would start? Alfred would definitely say that you can call him whatever you'd like, but will definitely silently try to nudge you in the direction of calling him dad or something akin to that. He may not expect it to work right away, especially in this scenario where the reader already has a messy relationship with people who were supposed to be their father's in the past. However, when you do call him dad or something similar, he is literally about to cry.

He won't cry in front of you! But he might later-

Regardless, words cannot express the amount of joy he feels when that happens, and as you've mentioned, Alfred does try to not let you down. Unwilling to become another reason why you have a hard time seeing people as your father, or father-figure. He feels more inclined to look after you above everyone else, and tries even harder to be present. There isn't a single event of performance that he'll miss willingly, and even if he does- he has his ways of making it up to you, even if you know that it was out of his hands.

I think a neat detail would also be that the amount of unoccupied seats next to him slowly shorten with time. It starts off with there being a seat for everyone in the Batfam, but as time goes on the amount begins to dwindle, until there's just one for him. Maybe with the occasional one other seat beside him if it's for an event, and you get to sit next to him before going or doing whatever you have to. Further showing how you, as the reader, begin to care less and less about the Batfam, and really only see/recognize Alfred as your family. As there is only one reserved seat for him at each and every performance and tournament.

I think the idea of the Batfam noticing this and trying to fix it, yet the reader still being able to slip away, and them forgetting all over again is both just out right heartbreaking and infuriating.

Like, can you imagine as a neglected!reader, finally having your family notice you (despite you growing used to their lack of attention at this point), only to have them forget you exist all over again? Or just forget about you enough to where you still leave without saying much of anything, and only leave behind a note to the one person you considered family?

And imagine the Batfam- not only feeling, but knowing that they've failed you more than they could ever imagine? Not only making you feel alone and isolated in your own home, since they never noticed you, not only once, but twice? That's borderline unforgivable. They noticed you, and somehow still managed to neglect you all over again. It's astonishing, really. Maybe they do have powers after all.

But really- how I could see that happening is if they get too busy with the idea of you rather you yourself, if that makes sense?

Through their research and everything, they form a version of you in their heads that they're all clinging onto, that they unintentionally don't give the real you a chance. Hell, they don't even give themselves a chance to even see it as they drown in their own delusions. Stuck with plans and ideas they ultimately never saw through, either because they were far too worried to further mess things up (like a certain brooding bat), or were far too certain of the outcome and therefore came up with more ideas and plans that they ended up not doing. Like a certain robin who, after two generations, finally wore pants. So by the time they realize their mistake, (which probably happenss when one of them finally decides to actually act on a plan they made) you're gone. Lost to the wind. Like a distant whisper they nevr quite heard, but dreamed about encountering ever since. Forgetting that chasing and searching were things they could do right from the start instead.

Though Alfred and the reader having a heart to heart? Please, we could all really use that. Forget about how horrible Alfred is behind the scenes- we need the closest thing we can get to a positive influence in this family. Or really just a good source of comfort, honestly.

Though his dying hope does break his heart, he just takes it as another opportunity to fill in the shoes of being your father. Even if at this point it means being your only family out of everyone in the Batfam, then so be it. He'll just have to fill in where they refuse to, but he doesn't mind since it gets him more time with you- and I can imagine that, despite the hurt of realizing that you'll never be 'fully' apart of the Wayne family, at least you have a part with Alfred and the Pennyworth's. And there is some comfort and reassurance that comes with that. Since, while you may not be able to have this big, huge family- at least you have this small, comfortable one right here with Alfred.

Hell, this time around Alfred might even fully support the reader moving away, as he's more certain than ever that he'll still have that connection with them. That he and the reader will actually communicate, and as long as he can still see them and so on- he doesn't mind.

He'll let the Batfam run around, and play dumb at all the right moments with that sassy, sarcastic attitude of his. Letting them know that they've wasted their opportunity- wasted the one real chance they had with you, and probably won't be getting another one.

After all, it isn't his fault that they fucked up. If anything, he's probably the only reason why the reader is connected to the Batfam at all, or even associates with them the smallest amount. It isn't because of Bruce or any of the others. It's because of Alfred. Even if he won't say it out loud, he'll make sure that they all know it one way or another, and though Alfred doesn't necessarily view himself as cruel- he wouldn't mind throwing a little shade if it meant emphazing that point a little further.

You are his kid. His family. Why would they think otherwise?

On a lighter, more wholesome note, I definitely agree with the more light/cuter ideas!!

Alfred is definitely spoiling you if he can help it, and will poorly disguise his favoritism- though probably would stop even trying to hide it all together at some point.

There is never a moment where Alfred doesn't/won't remind you of how proud of you he is, and how much you've improved. He isn't afraid to admit that you're doing a good job or doing the right thing, even if you can be reckless at times, to your face. And if you end up doubting your ability, or just yourself as a whole, Alfred will definitely be there to comfort you, and remind you of how well you've been doing and reiterate how proud you make him.

He wants you to know that he'll always be there for you, and by the time you leave, you still feel that.

Alfred also makes sure to check up on you and tend to your needs, along with spend time with you in other ways- which does include, but isn't limited to; watching films at home, baking/cooking together, sewing, reading, tending to the garden, and just generally being in each other's space. Maybe even a small hang out outside of the manor if you both can help it.

Nevertheless, that was a fun read, and I fully agree!! Make sure to drink some water and rest up too!

[thelov3lybookworm]

To Love and Cakes

Summary: Y/n is the daughter of a flower and gardening tools shop's owner in Velaris. When he gets sick, y/n makes her father take some rest and looks after the small shop herself. But she is new to all this as her father never let her work a day in her life.

One day, as she's looking after the shop, a red haired high fae comes looking for gardening gloves as a gift to someone. Y/n helps him, and learns that he is a frequent customer.

Due to his frequent visits, they soon develop a bond. More than friends, but not lovers.

Yet.

•○●⛦●○•

Tw: i dont think there are any but still, here we go. elain being a sour and jealous mate even though she's been sailing on the elriel ship, a few curse words and all. Can't think of anything else, so let me know if i need to add anything.

A/n: this thing has been in my draft for faxing months. This is, to me, the best work of mine. This is my baby. I LOVED writing this, and I hope you enjoy reading it.

(ps. even if youre not a lucien girlie, try reading it. i have a secret agenda to make every one of you creatures a lucien simp, just like im trying to make @artists-ally a lucien simp)

(also, the scene towards the end where reader is dancing was inspired by one of the fbaa books, if it seemed familiar or you were wondering)

t'is a long one children, Enjoy!

•○🌑○•

As Y/n finished walking around the store, cleaning, she thought back to the morning two days ago.

She had just woken up and was walking towards her father's kitchen for breakfast when she heard it. A cough. She quickened her pace, entering the kitchen to find her father bent over, his body heaving from the coughs.

She rushed to him, helping him to the nearest chair. When she bought him some water, he smiled up at her gratefully.

"How many times do I have to tell you to take some rest, father? Why won't you let me help you?"

"I might be getting old, but not that old that I need to rely on my daughter to help me earn. Unless you are trying to steal my shop?"

"Father!" She said, exasperated, even though she knew he was just saying that to irritate her. "You are staying home till you get better. I'll take care of the shop."

"But you don't know anything about it." At the glare she gave him, he finally conceded. "Let me help for today atleast. Show you how to handle it. I promise I'll rest."

She had come to visit and stay with her father for some days, having just quit her previous job, searching for a new one. They were well off, the house that Y/n lived in owned by her. She had wanted to see if her father needed any help around. Which he didn't. He wasn't very old and ill by any means, he just didn't know when to stop. That's why she had already made her father agree to closing the store earlier and taking the weekends off.

As Y/n put away the cleaning equipment in the back of the store, the bell above the door rang, announcing the arrival of a customer. As she hurried to the front desk, she caught a glimpse of the beautiful male that was waiting from behind a shelf.

He had dark crimson hair cascading over his shoulder that looked like fire, with one russet eye and one that was a golden metal one, which was whirring. A scar marred the skin surrounding that eye and trailed to his jaw.

Y/n quickly averted her gaze when she realised she was staring. He hadn't yet noticed her though, looking around the shop. She stepped out from behind the shelf and cleared her throat.

He turned to her at once, giving her a warm smile.

"Hello. How can I help you today?" She asked with a small smile.

"I'm looking for enchanted gardening gloves."

She wracked her brain for the location of said gloves before perking up. "Right this way." As she led the way, he followed a respectful distance away. To fill the silence, she spoke up. "Are you from Night Court? You don't seem like you're from here."

"Yes. I'm from... Autumn Court." His hesitation was evident, and Y/n didn't push.

"Here we are." She said, stopping in front of the gloves stacked neatly on a shelf. She left him alone when he nodded.

She began sorting out her desk, her father's, really, which was near the entrance to the shop.

By the time she finished, the male was done with his browsing and bought out the gloves to the desk to pay for them. The whole ordeal went silently and quickly. With a word of thanks and a 'good day', he was on his way.

•○🌑○•

Lucien's pov.

He stared at her. His mate.

He wondered if, under other circumstances, she would have not despised him. Could she have ever loved him the way others loved their mates? Would the two of them be together if there was no cruelty in this world?

He answered those himself.

The first one? Probably.

The second one? Maybe.

The third one? No.

Because, if there was no cruelty in this world, his love, one his father had killed, would not be dead. Jesminda would be alive still. And if she was alive, he wouldn't care for anything, even his own mate.

And maybe that made him an asshole, but he couldn't bring himself to care as he stared at Elain smiling at the Shadowsinger from the corner of the room, nursing a glass of whiskey.

He looked around the room, his eyes landing on the gift he'd bought for her. It was enchanted gardening gloves so her hands wouldn't get cut. Of course, the present had been discarded in a corner, unopened. It wasn't as if she didn't notice the gift. No, he had seen her look at it before placing it aside from her other gifts.

He'd seen her do that, and his heart had been pierced by an arrow. At least it felt like it.

As he stared at the gift, his mind drifted to the shop where he had bought it from. The shop run by the female. He didn't know why, but he couldn't stop thinking about her. She hadn't even said much, but she had simply caught his attention.

He blinked when a loud laugh interrupted his thoughts, looking at the inner circle sitting in the center of the room and having the time of their lives, while he sat in the darkest corner he could find. He knew he didn't fit in here, and that most of them didnt trust or like him.

He didn't know why he had accepted Feyre's invitation to stay for the night when he knew he'd be miserable.

He had thought that maybe, just maybe, they would include him in their fun. At least for one night.

He felt so dumb now.

After a little bit of contemplation, he decided it best if he left. No one was going to miss him anyways.

Quietly, he downed the whiskey in his glass, then rolled onto his feet. He set the glass on a nearby table, then turned towards the door. He walked towards it, his boots making no noise.

As he exited the room, there was no sign of the festivities slowing down. None. He removed his coat from the nearby hook, donning it as he stepped out, the door clicking shut behind him.

It wasn't until Lucien was out of the house that the sounds faltered for a brief moment, but then the laughter started back again, and Lucien sighed, his breath misting in front of him. He stared at the little cloud of fog in front of his face.

He didn't want to go home– if it could even be called that– not yet. The night was still young. Maybe he would go on a little walk around Velaris before he returned to the mortal lands.

He started the trek across the city, walking slowly, letting his mind wander, his eyes seeing everything but taking nothing in. It was like a waste of time, looking at the beauty but not caring enough to appreciate it.

He sighed, making his way through the vibrant market place. The children running around the place, candies in their hand, adults lingering around the place with their lovers and families truly added to the beauty of the festival.

But Lucien's eyes were unseeing, his heart unfeeling as he avoided the running and giggling children.

Someone slammed into Lucien from somewhere near him, and that finally broke him out of the haze that he'd been in.

He glanced at the fae leaning against him, trying to gain her footing in the crowded area.

"I am so sorry. I got pushed–" The female looked up at him, finally stable on her feet. She cocked her head, a smile spreading on her lips. "Oh. It's you."

He returned the smile, somehow easier than it should have been considering the foul mood he'd been. "It's me. I don't think I caught your name this morning."

The lady from the gardening shop grinned, her cheeks rosy, glowing with happiness. "Y/n."

"Lucien." He mumbled, studying her. She nodded, holding out her hand. He took it.

Then they stood there, awkwardly trying to figure out what to say. "Um... enjoying solstice?"

"Yeah." She returned, a relieved expression on her face. "Just left the house after dinner. My father said he's going out with some friends, so I decided to head out for some desserts. You?"

"Not really..." That was not the right answer, but Lucien was struggling to put on his mask of indifference.

"Oh. I'm sorry. Are you alone?"

He smiled ruefully as he looked away. "Very."

After a moment of silence, the lady spoke up again. "What are your thoughts on some cake? Pie? Or maybe cookies?"

Lucien blinked, then glanced at her. "What?"

She grinned, turning away and gesturing with her hand to follow her. Seeing that he had no other reason to haunt the streets of Velaris, he followed her.

She weaved in and out of the crowd, walking with purpose towards her destination. She stumbled sometimes, due to being pushed around by the crowd, but mostly by herself. She seemed to have a problem walking without tripping.

She tripped again, so bad that Lucien had to catch her elbow to stop her from faceplanting. She grinned up at him sheepishly.

"Are you alright?"

"Yes."

"Are you... drunk?"

She shrugged and shook her head. "I don't drink. It's taste is disgusting."

A small smirk made is way into Lucien's face, but he simply nodded at her to keep going. She continued on.

Soon, she was walking into a brightly lit shop, cakes and various baked goods displayed through the glass.

"This is my favourite place for sweets and baked items. It's really good."

She went to open the door, but Lucien stretched out his hand and held it for her. She blinked at him before smiling and stepping in to the warm interior.

"Hello." She greeted the kind looking old lady behing the counter, who smiled widely.

"How are you today?"

"I'm good. How about yourself?" Y/n replied.

"I'm good, I'm good. Just these joints creaking a little extra nowadays."

Y/n grinned fondly. "Maybe you should just get some rest, you old hag."

"Oh shut it. I will rest once I know I have succeded in convincing you to get a partner. Mother knows how lonely you must be."

"I'm not lonely, you old hag. As long as I have you and father, I will never be alone."

"Yeah yeah whatever." Then the old female seemed to notice Lucien, and her eyes lit up. "Are you finally seeing someone?"

Y/n blinked, then glanced at Lucien. Her lips parted, then a flush climbed up her neck. She furiously shook her head, and the old lady sighed.

"Well, hope I'm not dead when you finally decide to interact with others." The female bustled away as other people walked upto the counter to place their order.

Y/n turned to Lucien, her face red, and she gestured to the display of sweets. He grinned when she turned away again. "Choose what you would like to try. I always go for pineapple, but chocolate is also good."

Lucien dipped his head in a nod when she glanced at him to make sure he understood her, and then the two of them went on to get their cakes.

As they were about to leave the shop, the owner of the shop called to him. "Psst. Hey! You!"

When Lucien glanced up questioningly, the lady Y/n had been talking to motioned at him to come closer. He inched towards the counter behind which the lady stood as Y/n talked to another one of the workers.

"What are your intentions for her?" The lady hissed at Lucien as soon as she was sure no one could hear her.

Lucien blinked, taken aback. "What?"

"Don't you dare even think of hurting her. Males have hurt her enough. She is a pure soul, and if you hurt her, then I will carve your eyes out with a spoon. You hear me young man?"

Lucien nodded, dumbfounded. Thank the cauldron though, Y/n decided that moment to walk up to the two of them.

The old lady smiled at her, and then shooed Y/n and Lucien away. Y/n rolled her eyes and led Lucien out of the shop.

She crossed the road and settled onto one of the many benches overlooking the Sidra. She patted the place next to her and he obliged, studying her.

"What were you and the old hag talking about?"

"Nothing..."

Y/n raised a brow but stayed silent as she dug into the treat in her hands.

The two of them sat in silence as they ate, staring at the waters of the Sidra.

Unfortunately, soon enough the two of them were done eating, and Y/n turned to Lucien. She smiled. "Did you like the cake?"

Lucien gave her a smile. A genuine one, one that felt like he hadn't smiled in centuries. He probably hadn't.

"I did. Thank you for making my solstice better."

"I enjoyed the time too, no need to thank me."

And then the two of them parted ways, Lucien thanking her again and her telling him not to worry about it.

Lucien watched her until she had vanished between the crowd, then he turned and decided to walk to secluded place before he winnowed back to human lands.

A soft breeze caressed his face, and he closed his eyes, savoring the cool touch. His mind drifted back to Y/n.

He smiled softly, opening his eyes and leaning his head back, staring at the stars twinkling down at him, as if they were winking.

Maybe... just maybe, not all fae were miserable and hateful.

Maybe there was someone out there, like Y/n, who would not hate him for simply existing.

•○🌑○•

Y/n's pov.

Y/n only had one thought in her mind, and that was to hurry up.

She had been out in the market, getting the things she needed according to the cooking book she had recently bought.

She had decided to surprise her best friend since childhood with a home baked cake, and hence the rush to get home and start the preparations.

The catch?

Y/n was shit at baking.

The few times she had tried to bake, she had either ended with something that was too hard to even be called a rock, or with something that vaguely resembled... puke.

Even thinking about it sent shivers up Y/n's spine.

But back then she hadn't used a cookbook's instruction, she tried to reason with the sane part of her brain, the one that knew this was a bad idea.

Hurry up-

And she smacked into a wall. A very warm wall.

All her bags slipped from her hands and onto the ground as she stumbled back, barely keeping herself from falling onto her ass.

She lifted her head to apologise to whoever she had crashed onto when her eyes met russet and gold. Lucien.

She paused as she watched him cock his head, a little smile spreading on his features.

"I seem to notice a pattern, Y/n."

She lifted an eyebrow as she bent to gather her stuff. He followed. "What pattern?"

She tried to shoo him off by waving her hands, but he either didn't notice or didn't care. "You are always crashing into me. That sounds like a pattern to me."

She scowled, knowing that if her father or any of her friends saw her, they would yell at her for being disrespectful to someone who was helping her.

He grinned, glancing at her as he stood, most of her bags in his hands.

"Do you need any help carrying these?" He questioned when she climbed to her feet too, and she blinked.

"Oh no, it's alright. I'll carry them myself. I don't want to bother you."

"I insist. And it's really not a bother. I have nothing else to do. These are really heavy, let me help."

"You really don't have anything else to do?"

He smiled triumphantly, as if he knew he had won. "I don't."

She sighed. "Fine then. My house is nearby. Thank you vey much."

He shook his head, that smile still on his face. "No worries."

She led him to her house, a peaceful silence between the two.

It wasn't long before they reached her house, and she turned to him, keys in her hand.

"Please come in. Let me make you some tea." That was the least she could do for him.

"Oh no, that is unnecessary, I don't want to bother you. It was my pleasure to help."

"I insist. And it really is not a bother." She smirked, throwing his words back at him.

He shook his head, grinning. "Fine."

She let the two of them in, setting about to get some tea ready. "So, may I ask what you are going to with these?"

When Y/n turned to look at him, he gestured at the bags he set on the counter.

"Because from what I saw outside, these things are usually used for baking."

Y/n smiled. "Yeah. It's my friends birthday today. I was thinking of making her a cake."

"That's great. Do you bake often?"

Her smile now turned sheepish. "No. I tried a couple of times, back when I was younger," -six months ago- "and I damn near brought down the whole kitchen once."

Lucien chuckled. "So now you think you can do it properly?"

She picked up the cookbook nearby and waved it at him. "I will follow instructions this time."

Judging by the amusement in his eyes, she thought he would laugh, but he didn't. He simply extended his hand towards her and asked, "Can I have a look?"

She handed it to him, turning to check on the tea she was brewing.

The sound of the pages being flipped were the only sounds other than her pouring the liquid into cups for the two of them.

When she turned back around, she found him staring intensely at the book, his brows furrowed, a downward tilt to his mouth. She tried to make no noise as she set down the cup in front of him, hoping to not disturb his concentration.

But he glanced up at her, frowning. "This won't work. This is too complicated."

Y/n blinked, taken aback by the seriousness in his eyes and words. "What do you mean?"

He closed the book, setting it aside as he pulled the cup of tea towards him. "Baking is simpler than whatever bullshit is given in there."

"You know how to bake?"

"I helped my mother when I was younger."

"And exactly how many years ago was that?"

His eyes narrowed. "How many years since you baked anything?"

That made Y/n shut up.

She sighed ruefully. "Maybe I'm just not supposed to bake."

Lucien shook his head. "I can help."

She glanced at him. "What?"

He shrugged. "I don't have anything else to do anyways. I can help you bake the cake."

"I don't want to bother-"

"Its not a bother. I would love to help."

Y/n smiled behind her cup as she took a sip of her tea, a warmth spreading through her chest.

"Thank you. I appreciate the gesture." Then, she looked at the redhead for a moment longer before turning away. "And you know what? I am noticing a pattern too."

•○🌑○•

After a day filled with trying to decide on the flavour for the cake, the decorations, making the cake and laughter, it was finally time to sleep.

The party had been perfect, so many memories made, and so many things she could think about.

But no matter what, Y/n couldn't stop thinking about him.

She didn't remember the last time she had enjoyed herself so thoroughly around a male, let alone one she knew nothing about.

And as she went to sleep that night, trying not to think of how his eyes twinkled in amusement when she had dropped an egg on the ground- huffing and puffing- she failed to keep that smile off of her face.

•○●⛦●○•

Lucien's pov.

After the day filled with helping her bake, correcting anything she had been doing wrong and watching as happiness spread across her face when the cake came out almost nearly perfect, it was finally time to sleep.

The day had been perfect, a reprieve from the constant ugly thoughts Lucien had about himself. Memories had been made, though unexpected.

But no matter what, Lucien could not stop thinking about her.

He couldn't remember the last time he'd enjoyed himself so thoroughly around someone, let alone someone he barely knew anything about.

And as he went to sleep that night, trying not to think of how she had jumped around and squealed in excitement- so much so that she had nearly burnt herself by the hot pan- Lucien failed to keep that smile off of his face.

•○🌑○•

Y/n's pov.

Soon enough, Y/n learned that the handsome male with the metal eye, Lucien, was the Lucien Vanserra. The youngest son of the High Lord of Autumn Court.

He frequented the shop after that day they spent baking, him and Y/n becoming fast friends. He'd told her that he lived in the human lands with his friends, Jurian and Vassa.

Recently, she had learned that this Jurian he was friends with was the Jurian from the war centuries ago, the powerful human commander, remade by the Cauldron.

Expect Lucien to surprise a four hundred year old fae who thought she could not be surprised about anything anymore.

Y/n shook her head with an exasperated grin, finishing braiding her hair. She had spent the whole afternoon wondering what hairstyle would look good with her dress for her meeting with Lucien, eventually settling for a simple braid. Few strands framed her face, and she thought it looked better than any elaborate hairstyle she could have done.

Even after six months of being friends with him, he never failed to shock her by telling her things about himself.

He had sent a letter in advance that he would be visiting today, and he wanted to meet with her in their favourite cafe before reporting to the High Lord.

She had, of course, agreed. He was the only friend she had other than the female she had baked for, what with her being cooped up in her home with a book in hand when she wasn't working in the nearby jewellery store.

A knock sounded on the door, and Y/n practically flew down the stairs, taking a deep breath to calm her heart before opening the door.

There he stood in all his glory, smiling at her. The fading sunshine made his hair look on fire, his skin glowing.

"My lady. You look quite...dishevelled." He murmured, his eye twinkling. Y/n frowned, lifting her hand to her hair. It had looked good when she checked it in the mirror. Maybe the braid didn't look as good as she thought it did. In which case, she wanted to go and jump off a cliff.

Before her hand could touch her hair though, Lucien caught it, grinning and pressing a kiss to her knuckles, all the while maintaining eye contact. Y/n blushed.

"When I said dishevelled, I meant you look like you've run a mile. That looks exquisite." He said, straightening and flicking her forehead. "You look exquisite."

"Shut up." She mumbled, shoving his shoulder and stepping out, turning to lock the door. When she had finished, she turned to find him leaning against a pillar of the front porch. He smiled and inclined his head towards the road.

They walked towards the cafe, talking about his past days in the human lands and her job at the jewellery store. How she didn't really care for it and was thinking of taking up something else.

They soon reached the cafe which stood right on the banks of the Sidra and had outdoor seating as well in the backyard, right next to the river. As they settled down in their usual seat in a corner right next to the river, her eyes sharpened on the paper stuck on a nearby wall.

"Hey Lucien? Do you see that?" Y/n questioned, making Lucien glance back at it.

"Yeah. Looks like they're hiring." Lucien's eye lit up as he turned back to her. "You should try." She nodded enthusiastically.

Soon, they finished their food and Lucien was waiting to pay, having insisted on paying while Y/n talked to the hotel's owner. She was quite happy Y/n said she wanted to work there. They finally settled on her starting in two days.

After that, as they were walking home, the delicious smell of freshly baked cakes reached them. Y/n grinned at Lucien who took her arm and walked towards the stand where an old lady was selling small round cakes that were the size of Y/n's palm. They made idle conversation with her while she handed them their treats.

"You two make a good couple. Are you mates?" She asked as soon Y/n took a bite. Which was very unfortunate as she immediately choked on it. Lucien patted her back, grinning as he turned to the lady.

"No, we aren't mates. We're just friends."

"What a shame. But maybe the bond hasn't made itself known yet?"

Lucien shook his head with a sad smile. "That would've been wonderful, really." Y/n's had whipped to him, her eyes wide. Did he just say what she thought he did? Could it be that he... no. That was stupid. He had a mate that he would die for, regardless of whether she liked him back. He would never...

"But I already have a mate." He continued.

"Oh I'm so sorry then for assuming things."

"Don't be. It's not like it matters anyway. She doesn't want the bond."

"Oh mother, that's truly unfortunate. Maybe you could be with someone else? I loved someone in my youth, but he never paid me any attention. Then one day my friend advised me to forget the male. Now I'm married to my friend and I think I couldn't be any more happy."

Lucien looked thoughtful. "That's a good advice, I must say. And I'll definitely think about it." He winked at Y/n, making her blush furiously.

They continued on after that, though there was silence now compared to their earlier mindless chatter. And it was filled with tension. Y/n wrapped her arms around herself, staring into the waters of the Sidra nearby.

As they walked, her mind wandered to what Lucien had said to the woman. Could he really mean what he had said? He wasn't one to joke about such serious matters... but then again, maybe he was jesting.

Soon, they had reached her house, and she stepped up to open the door.

"You want to come in? We can have some tea..."

Lucien smiled. "I would love to if it's not a problem."

As she set about making the tea, he sat watching her every move. Which made her work extremely carefully, wondering if he was judging her. Which was absurd. Because, not only would Lucien never judge her, but also because she never would have cared for something so trivial as someone judging her. So why did she care now?

Because you lov–

She shut the thought down before it even finished.

•○🌑○•

Lucien's pov.

It had been over a month since he had seen his Y/n, and he was already craving her presence. Initially, he been able to go longer periods without meeting his friend. But as time went on, he became more and more enraptured with her and shorter and shorter became the time period between his visits.

The way she laughed on anything he said. The way her eyes would light up when she looked at him. The way he could make her blush by just looking at her. How she would get excited when taking about the newest book she was reading or when she learned something that made her happy.

He just couldn't get enough of her sometimes. All he wanted to do was stay and bask in her presence.

Of course, it wasn't possible, what with his work of going back and forth between human lands and the Night Court, as well as Day Court, where he had been spending some time getting to know his father.

It was a shock when he found out that Beron wasn't his real father, but he was adjusting. She had a big part in his acceptance. And he was grateful for it.

Now, he was going to leave his emissary duties for the Night Court, going to live in his father's court permanently. Which was why Feyre had decided to have the whole of the inner circle and him go out to eat for dinner. Lucien had suggested the cafe by the Sidra for the ordeal.

The place where Y/n currently worked.

He was smiling at his thoughts of her when he knocked on the door of the River House. Nuala opened it, greeting him with a smile before letting him enter. There was already sounds of chatter coming from the living room as he walked towards it. Everyone was here then. Great.

The quicker this was over, the faster he could spend time with Y/n.

He would leave soon, but that didn't mean he wouldn't come back to Velaris. He had important people here.

He had informed Rhys about his departure a few months ago, and had agreed to stay till they found someone who would be willing to take up the duties of Lucien. They were still searching for someone, so Lucien was still the emissary.

•○●⛦●○•

Lucien tapped his leg on the floor impatiently, his eyes constantly flitting between the tables and booths in search of his friend.

It had only been a few moments since he had arrived with the inner circle, but he simply couldn't wait to catch a glimpse of her.

While he was searching for Y/n, he failed to notice the High lord and lady's, as well as the entire inner circle's eyes on him.

He craned his head, and he finally heard that beautiful voice he'd been dying to hear from behind him.

"Good evening. May I take your order?"

He turned his head so fast he nearly gave himself whiplash, but Lucien didn't care as his eyes met those of Y/n's.

Her mouth lifted at the edges, a knowing look in her eyes as she turned away to converse with Rhysand.

His brain didn't process the words being exchanged between the two, he was so busy admiring her.

And wondering when the damn dinner will be over so he could finally talk to her and catch up.

When she left the table after taking their orders, she distcreetly brushed her hand against his bicep, pulling a smile on his face.

Just an hour or so. He reminded himself as he focused on the table in front of him, ignoring the looks of the inner circle, including Elain.

Which wasn't all that hard.

•○●⛦●○•

The time seemed to pass slower, just to torture Lucien that night.

Right when Lucien was about to loose his patience, everyone had finished dessert, and were on the verge of leaving.

Lucien stood, nodding at Cassian and Azriel in goodbye, hugging Feyre and shaking Rhys's hand. Making some excuse- unconvincing, he was sure- about having to go meet up with Vassa and Jurian, he walked away, eyeing the place Y/n had disappeared into.

He knew that she was about to leave, had probably already left, and he couldn't wait to tell her all the juicy stories he'd acquired over his recent travels, as well as the budding tensions between Vassa and Jurian.

The moment he stepped out onto the road, he heard her voice.

"So desperate to meet me fox boy?"

Lucien smirked, turning to find the owner of the voice leaning against a wall. "You wish."

Her eyebrows lifted as she pushed herself off the wall. "Sure. Didn't seem like it was just my fantasy when you were searching around like an eager puppy."

He grinned, though a flush climbed up his neck at being caught red handed. "Just wanted to see you so I could tell you about Vassa and Jurian."

Y/n grinned, throwing her arms around his neck as she buried her face in his neck. He returned the hug in kind, warming up his body a little through his magic so he could ward off the chill in the air surrounding them.

They stayed in the hug for longer than seemed appropriate, but no one was watching anyways. And neither of them cared if anyone was.

Y/n was the first to pull away, smiling shyly up at Lucien.

"You want to get some cake before we go home?" Y/n questioned, beginning towards the general direction of her home.

"I feel like we should make it ourselves." Lucien wiggled his eyebrows, throwing his arm around her shoulders as they began the trek to her home.

She shook her head slightly, becoming redder by the moment as she grinned softly at her feet.

•○🌑○•

It was solstice tonight.

It had been one not-long-enough year since he'd met Y/n.

Lucien's chest felt lighter than it had been in ages.

They had already found a new emissary who they trusted, and so today was Lucien's last day as a member of the Inner Circle.

He was here today to deliver some reports to Rhys.

The sound of utensils and laughter greeted him as soon as he entered the River house, the inner circle being as loud as ever. But as soon as he stepped foot in the dining room, everything went silent, all eyes turning to him.

He smiled at Feyre, nodding to Rhys and pointing to the papers in his hands. He placed the stack on a table nearby, before nodding again to the rulers of Night and turning away.

"Wait! Where are you going? Come have dinner with us." Lucien looked at Feyre, shaking his head.

He didn't want to stay. Not when all that was going through his head was how he would go up to Y/n's door and knock, and how she would open the door suspiciously, those eyes narrowed. But then she would realise that it was him, and she would fling the door open with squeal, tackling him into a hug, laughing. How when she pulled back, she'd realise she was in her pajamas and would self consciously brush herself down, touching her hair. How–

"Lucien?" Lucien winced, coming back to the present.

"I can't stay. I have to go meet a friend."

"Oh. Did you plan a meeting beforehand?"

"Oh no. She doesn't know I'm here. I'm going to go surprise her."

"She?" A gentle and soft voice intoned. Lucien stiffened. The voice he had wanted to hear acknowledge him ever since the bond snapped for him.

He turned to look at Elain, his brows rising as he took her in. She was standing from her seat next to the shadowsinger, her knuckles white from clenching her fork so tightly. Her brows were furrowed in anger, and she looked murderous.

"Yes..." He didn't really know how to answer the question, so he simply watched her.

Rage entered her eyes. "Is this the female you went with that night when we were out?"

Lucien blinked, wondering what was making Elain so angry. "Yes. Exactly that one."

Elain huffed out a bitter laugh. "So is she trying to steal my mate now? She did look like someone who steals males."

For a moment, no one moved. There was so much silence it was deafening.

Almost everyone was staring between Elain and Lucien, their eyes wide. Except from Amren, of course. Nothing could faze the little devil. And Nyx, who waved around a piece of carrot like a sword.

Lucien smiled slowly. "Glad to know your thoughts on my life, mate. I will let her know of your amazing thoughts about her."

Lucien turned away, walking towards the foyer, but just before he turned out of sight, he glanced back, his eyes meeting Elain's.

"She and I were only ever friends, but now that you've said it, I realise that we never were meant to be friends." Lucien smiled slightly, bowing his head. "Thank you."

And with that, he left, ready to meet with his friend.

•○🌑○•

Y/n's pov.

Her solstice had been normal. Nothing great to do. Her father had gone out drinking with his friends, her friends having been busy with their own families. Even the old hag was busy tending to and celebrating with her brother.

She was sure Lucien would also be busy with something, since he hadn't written to her to let her know of his arrival if he was coming.

That left Y/n alone.

But then suddenly, a knock had sounded on the door, and Y/n's heart had fluttered before even knowing who stood on the other side of the door.

After Lucien told her what was going on with Vassa and Jurian, he began telling her of the events that went down in the High lord's home as she got ready to take a stroll around Velaris with Lucien.

Her blood boiled when she heard of the things Elain said to Lucien, but a smile of reassurance from him was all it took for her to calm down.

They were in the main square of Velaris right now, watching the people dance around the huge fire in the centre.

It had become a tradition in the recent years for the people of the city to come together and dance the night away, laughing and drinking and mingling. It was a wholesome event, where younger people would gather around the old towards the end of the night and simply listen to their tales.

This was the first time Y/n was attending with someone else, as usually she would come here alone and sit next to the elderly, watching as younger couple her age danced around and bonded.

The glow from the fire danced in Lucien's eyes, making it look like there was fire inside those mismatched eyes. There was a relaxed grin on his face, one like she'd never seen before. He seemed so careless now, so free, it made Y/n smile too.

"You're staring." He pointed out, his voice barely audible over the cheers and the faeries singing along.

Y/n blushed, but in a sudden burst of boldness, she spoke, looking away. "It would be a crime not to."

From the periphery of her eyes, she found him gaping at her and had to suppress a triumphant smile.

"You know, I feel like the Mother took extra time making you."

He let out a surprised laugh, the sound lighting fires across Y/n's body.

"All that extra time to make me ruined by a fucking scar."

His tone was light, though Y/n could sense a hint of insecurity and sadness under the joy.

She turned to him, watching as the smile slowly vanished from his face at the look in her eyes.

"You are beautiful, Lucien, scars and all. And if I had the chance, I would show you how beautiful they are to me." She let her hand reach up toward his face, ignoring the heat entering his eyes or the way his pupils dilated as she traced the scar that ended at his jaw.

"Beautiful. So fucking beautiful."

HIs eyes fell shut as the music came to an end, and the people dancing around the fire dispersed for a moment.

"Y/n..." He whispered, his hand reaching up to hold hers against his face.

The music started up again, a soft and slower sound than before, more sensual.

This one was for people who were a couple or in a relationship, just a slow waltz to cool down before everyone again joined in a faster, more traditional dance.

"Dance with me."

The words were a shock to her system, and she nodded without even thinking.

It wasn't until the two of them had begun dancing, her arms wrapped around his broad and strong shoulders, their faces barely inches away, that she remembered that this was a waltz for couples, and she and Lucien were definitely not a couple.

She glanced up at him, his eyes already fixed on her. She opened her mouth to tell him, trying to ignore the warmth against her skin from the fire behind her, his body pressed so close to hers in the front.

"Lucien, this dance is for-"

"I know." He mumbled, his eyes smoldering. "I know." He repeated, making sure she understood.

Suddenly, his arms around her waist became more apparent, the way they rested over her lower back. The way the stray hairs that had escaped his low bun tickled her neck, the way his breath washed over her skin when he exhaled.

Y/n's mind was about to either stop working, or remind her of Lucien's touch every two minutes, and honestly, she didn't know which one she prefered.

He never broke eye contact once during the whole dance.

Soon, but not soon enough, the slow music came to an end. And the people that sat along the outer edge cheered, clapping and demanding the couples kiss. And as all the couples shared that intimate moment, Y/n's heart rate picked up, panic clawing up her throat, feeling so many eyes on her and him, wondering what Lucien would do.

She didn't have to wonder long, though.

Lucien began leaning in, making Y/n's eyes flutter closed. She swallowed, licking her lips.

Then she felt his hot breath closer to her face, his lashes brushing gently against her skin as she felt those plump, beautiful lips on the corner of hers.

She felt him smile against her skin. All the while, it was hard to breathe.

But then he pulled away, a flush on his cheeks. If it was because of the heat of the enormous fire behind her, or because he was genuinely flustered, she couldn't tell.

As the faster music started, Lucien grinned wickedly at her.

"Let's dance, my lady."

•○🌑○•

Y/n's feet were sore, but it was all so worth it.

At some point during the night, she had discarded her shoes next to a kind old male who she had known since she was a child.

All the dances after Y/n and Lucien's initial waltz had been fast paced, where everyone changed partners every few moments. It was one of the best things that had happened that night, getting to know new people and dancing and singing along to the top of their lungs.

It was all so beautiful.

She had always thought so, watching from the sidelines. But now, being one of the people she would have watched, it was a whole different experience.

The dancing was supposed to go on for atleast one more hour before the elders gathered and began telling stories. That would go on for the rest of the night.

And so, Y/n decided to get some rest, maybe somewhere on he benches near the Sidra where it would be quiet before returning to listen to the elder's tales.

Listening to loud music for hours was one way to invite a headache.

Y/n began making her way up to Lucien, who stood on the opposite side of the huge fire, but then she paused, simply admiring him.

He had discarded his embroidered overcoat next to where Y/n had placed her shoes, now only in a simple, thin white shirt that clung to his sweaty frame, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows.

He laughed as he held the hands of a little girl, giving her instructions on how to move. The little girl's tongue poked out of her lips as she concentrated, and Lucien was just as concentrated as her.

Once the current music came to an end, the girl grinned up at Lucien, and he ruffled her hair in return before she ran away, maybe to her friends.

Y/n finally walked up to Lucien, smiling tiredly at him.

"Hello, you."

He smiled back. "Good evening, my lady."

Y/n rolled her eyes at the title. "Shut up."

"Can I not even greet you now?"

"Yeah yeah whatever. I'm going to go sit at a bench, rest a little then return. You coming?"

He nodded, walking over to where his coat lay on the ground. He picked it up along with her shoes then returned.

When she tried to take her shoes from him, he waved her away.

The two of them walked in silence, heading towards the quiet river. Once there, they walked onto the bank and settled down where the place was relatively drier than all other places. Y/n dipped her feet in the cold water, releasing a relieved sigh at the soothing sensation.

Lucien pulled out two packets from the pocket of his coat, tearing open the wrapper and handing one to Y/n. She looked at him, confused.

He simply opened his pack, and then bit into the cake.

"Why do you have these with you?" She questioned, though she began nibbling on the little treat.

He shrugged. "Jurian found these at a bakery in mortal lands a few days ago. I thought you might like it."

She smiled, staring into the water as she slowly chewed.

"The inner circle were in the crowd tonight."

Y/n whipped her head to look at Lucien, but he didn't even seem bothered or interested in talking about the inner circle. He said it so casually, like he was telling her it was night and not day.

After a moment, Y/n spoke. "Was Elain there?"

He nodded, taking a bite of the cake. He took his time chewing before he gave her a response.

"I saw them after the fourth or fifth song. Apparently, they'd been watching since the first song."

Y/n gaped at him.

He glanced at her. "What?"

"Why are you so nonchalant about this?! Your mate saw you dancing with me on a song meant for people involved romantically!"

He blinked, then raised a brow. "And?"

"That might ruin any chances you had with her!"

He shrugged again. "There was never any chance anyway."

"Lucien! You-"

"Look Y/n. It's been long since the bond made itself known. It's been long enough that if she wanted to accept the bond, she would have. And long enough that if she didn't want the bond, she would have rejected it."

"Yes I know but you love her-"

"Let me speak, love. Let me get this off my chest. I never loved her. She didn't give me the chance to. The pull I felt towards her was simply the bond clouding my judgement. The desperation with which I seeked to gain her attention was me simply yearning for happiness. If I had not been so lonely and upset all the time, maybe I wouldn't even have acknowledged the bond if she ignored it too.

"And maybe I am a bastard for that, but I don't know what had gotten over me for the past year or so. I had lost almost all of myself, until you came along.

"You-" Lucien looked at Y/n, his eyes bright "-you made me realise that I did not need another person to make me happy, and that I didn't have to stop being myself for someone to love me. And i will be eternally grateful to you for it."

Y/n shook her head, blinking away the tears that threatened to fall. "Lucien, you deserve to find love. You deserve to have a happy life."

"And I know that now. All because of you."

"But I did nothing." She sniffed, her cake forgotten in her hand.

"You didn't have to. Just simply being my friend and showing me kindness made a significant difference in how I saw myself."

"But what about Elain? What about the bond?"

He smiled. "She can be with anyone she wants now. She wanted to have control over some aspects of her life after having been forced to turn, and honestly, I don't blame her. I would have wanted to do the same if my life had been anything like her."

"And what about you?"

Y/n felt like she knew the answer, but she still wanted to know.

"I do not need a bond to be with someone I love, you know."

"And who is it that you love?"

His smile turned knowing. "You know the answer, don't you?"

"Tell me still. After all, you do love hearing yourself speak."

This was a serious moment, but Y/n felt like if she didn't try to lighten the air by joking, this would become real. And she didn't know if she could handle that.

"I love you, Y/n."

She closed her eyes, telling herself this was not real, that she would wake up soon, and realise this had been a dream. Just like all the times before she had had the dream of being with Lucien and then waking up, all alone in her bed and staring at the ceiling.

But when silence settled around her, him staring at her expectantly, she realised this was no dream.

That someone like Lucien really was in love with someone like her.

She closed her eyes, a tear slipping out of the corner of her eyes. "You don't mean that."

She felt his thumb brushing away the tear a moment before she felt his lips on her cheek. "I do. I am in love with you, my lady. I would do anything to show you how much I love you. To prove to you that I really do."

Her eyes fluttered open, staring into his eyes as he rested his forehead against hers. "Why?"

He chuckled. "What do you mean why? There is not need of a reason for me to love you. I simply love you because you exist."

After a moment, she whispered what she had been dying to scream. "I love you, Lucien. I love you so much."

His smile widened, and he began closing the distance between them. "Then let me be yours."

Just before their lips met, she mumbled. "Be mine."

And her body ignited.

•○●⛦●○•

Her joints were creaking, but the old hag watched, and waited.

She had this primal need to have the little girl she'd watched grow up in front of her eyes find happiness, and she would threaten even the mother if the need arose to make Y/n happy.

But she didn't have to do that, because as she watched, the fire head male leaned in and pressed a kiss to Y/n's lips, and the old hag smiled, giddy with happiness and excitement.

And then she turned away, meaning to hobble back to the solstice celebration in the main square and leave the two younglings to enjoy the night together.

But then she paused, staring at the young female that stared at Y/n and the fire boy she'd fallen in love with.

Slowly, the old hag's brain remembered that this female with soft features and silky hair was the high lady's sister. And in turn, Lucien's mate.

Damn the mother. The old hag cursed, shaking her head.

"Leave them be." The hag ordered the girl in front of her, who turned to her with wide eyes. "They both deserve happiness. Don't you dare think about getting in the way."

The girl in the lilac dress nodded, her eyes becoming watery, but the hag had already begun walking away.

And after a final glance at the giggling couple on the riverbank, the girl turned away, jealousy and relief warring in her chest.

•○●⛦●○•

When Lucien pulled away, his hand still resting on her cheek, she couldn't stop a giggle from escaping. His lips quirked, a little swollen.

"Something funny?"

She shook her head, her cheeks warm as she turned back to the water. "Should we do a toast, my lord?"

He laughed at that, shifting closer to her as he put an arm around her shoulders. "And what will we toast with? We don't have wine or anything."

"We have these cakes." She pointed out.

He lifted his cake into the air. "Alright then. To love!"

Y/n wrinkled her nose. "And cakes!" She said as she raised her hand, and Lucien laughed.

He laughed, and laughed, and laughed.

Carefree and happy.

And Y/n simply watched, admiring.

Loving.

•○🌑○•

Taglist: @bubybubsters @eos-princess @nightless @harrystylesfan2686 @cassie6392

[lurkingshan]

Japanese QL Corner

ICYMI: There are so many Japanese qls airing weekly, so I’m going to start posting this little round up at the end of each week. Most of these shows are on Gaga and I highly recommend watching!

Tsukuritai Onna to Tabetai Onna 2

Another great batch of episodes this week, as Kasuga and Nomoto settled into dating life, all the gals got together for various food related events, and Nagumo began seeking treatment for her eating disorder. This show is just always so compassionate with its characters, and manages to find interesting conflicts without going for high drama. I am very much enjoying seeing Kasuga and Nomoto figure out how their relationship should look now that they're dating and also how to communicate and respect each other as they make decisions. Kasuga's tendency to let Nomoto steamroll her feels harmless when it's about picking fruit or vegetables, but it won't be when it comes to making decisions about where they live and how to set up their home, so it's great they're addressing it early. It's also awesome to see them expand their circle of friends and deepen their bonds with Yako and Nagumo--I was high key jealous of the curry and s'mores parties. And Nagumo just has my whole heart. When she expressed profound relief at learning there is a name for her illness and ways to treat it, my mind immediately jumped to Rachel Bloom. Looking forward to her healing. I can't believe there is only one more batch of episodes coming, love and gratitude to @furritsubs!

Chaser Game W

I’ll keep this brief. This show was a mess, and not even in a fun way because unfortunately it was also extremely misogynistic. @twig-tea covered the major issues well in her post. Wild that this show aired simultaneously with TsukuTabe, what a dichotomy.

My Strawberry Film

This one is really not grabbing me. It feels kind of slow and muted and uncertain about what it's doing. I am not finding the mystery or the love rhombus compelling, and this week's focus on Hikaru's infatuation with Minami had me yawning and picking up my phone a lot. But it's early, I am hopeful it will pick up some steam.

Sukiyanen Kedo Do Yaro ka

This was a cute episode about Sakae and Soga getting past their initial awkwardness, learning how to communicate with each other, and moving into a more intimate phase of their relationship, and I think I would have loved it if we'd gotten it two weeks ago. This should have been the episode that followed their initial confessions, but instead the show did a two week diversion into love triangle nonsense, and unfortunately, I think it really threw off the pacing and the connection to these characters for me. It just feels too late in the show for this relationship to still feel so new. We haven't had time to settle in with them as a couple, or for them to develop a strong foundation to make us root for them to overcome the coming obstacles in the final arc. Still, this episode had some delightful scenes--Soga finally paying a visit to the sauna was my personal fav, and I also enjoyed the metaphor of Sakae literally catching Soga's love (and knowing @bengiyo would lose it over another important SPORTS moment in bl). This is a show I really want to love, but something just isn't connecting.

Perfect Propose

I love this final episode and I love this show. Hiro quit his job, Kai resolved things with the shop owner and his son, and they finally got on the same page about their relationship and made out about it. 10/10 no notes for this finale. It was lovely to see Hiro finish his project and make a decision to quit the daily grind--I loved, too, that he is still in touch with his former colleagues--and we saw the change in him so quickly. He looked happier, lighter, brighter. His skin was cleared and his crops were watered! And Kai got to have his moment of catharsis too, sharing his fear that he is a burden on others and having Hiro affirm for him that he wants him in his life and he's a help, not a burden. And I loved that we got all that plus a great kiss, a bed scene (with a very cute leg cramp diversion) and a small peek at their new domestic life together. This show makes me happy and it will definitely be one I return to for rewatches.

Ossan's Love Returns

I'm of two minds on this finale. On the one hand, I really loved it as a single episode of the show, was happy with where all the resolutions landed, and was left with a very warm feeling toward the show overall. The cherry blossom scene especially really got me right in the feels; I've loved the progression of Maki and Haruta's relationship this season and I love the way they talk to each other. They have earned themselves a spot on my list of favorite drama couples who I actually believe are going to stay together. I also loved everything about the big chaotic group scene and all these characters coming together to pour love on Haruta; it felt earned after a season of him knocking himself out for all his loved ones. The end joke with Chief moving in next door, and getting a final Maki/Kurosawa battle, was *chef's kiss*. And Takegawa's perfect life partner being a cat? 10/10 no notes. I will be clutching my aroace Takegawa read tightly to my bosom.

On the other hand, the episode reinforced for me that the way we got to a lot of these resolutions didn't feel quite right. In particular, I don't think the way Kurosawa's health scare played out across the back half of the season worked, and I'm not too pleased about spending three episodes in a downbeat, tragic mode for the sake of a simple pun joke. I think the whole plot would have landed a lot better for me if the audience was let in on Kurosawa's mistake at the start and the tone of his overwrought goodbyes was farcical all the way through. Not only would that have maintained the comedic tone of the show, but we could have used that story time to better seed some of the themes of this episode with Haruta's crisis of confidence and yearning for family. I'm pretty much agnostic on Kiku and Izumi; they never sold me on that pairing but I wasn't mad about their ending.

Overall, I am very glad I jumped into this show and enjoyed the watch experience a lot, despite my quibbles with some of the overarching writing choices. The cast is amazing and all the characters make me smile. If they make another season, I'll be watching!

Bonus: Josi teki Saikatsu

I finally watched this drama this week--I held out for awhile hoping to find it in better quality, but no dice, it's 480p in the grey--and despite the potato lens I loved it so much. This is the story of Miki, a transfemme lesbian, just trying to live her life in the way she wants, and all the barriers she comes up against in that pursuit. Our story begins when her childhood friend, Goto, comes looking for his old pal in a moment of desperation and is stunned to see how she's changed. The show is only four short episodes, but they manage to paint a full picture of Miki's life at home, at work, with friends and lovers, and with her estranged family, and show us how she became who she is. Miki is whip smart and perceptive and generous, but also wary of trusting anyone after she's been let down by so many loved ones. I love her so much, and you will too. This story was written by a trans woman and it shows! Brave the 480p and check it out.

[finnban]

Hello, Everyone.

So this video is just based on the original Netflix series, SONIC PRIME. I'm pretty sure everyone has watched it already. I did too. However, I've gotten the word from a viewer telling me the whole story was not as clear as all the Sonic fans think. This Sonic doesn't match with the other Sonic's we knew over his franchise history. Many would probably think whatever they've expected while watching it was gonna be included in, like on the posters for example, but nothing ever went through. Some of us also went sad or ill right after watching the whole thing as well, only mentally in this case.

This version of SONIC PRIME is somewhat of an idea that I made, like I made it as if it were to be a sequel series. I don't think any of you understood what a sequel series is; it's like when like in the Harry Potter series is just based on movie-limited time recordings, but this way is different. This sequel series I'm expressing is based on tv-show-limited time recordings. Or it can just be a two hour 30 minute animated movie. Anyway, this version explains Shadow the Hedgehog's side of the story, but not in the format that follows the original's story. Everything was back to normal, but this time, the adventure takes place all in the Green Hill dimension.

But first, before we get into the little informative synopsis of Shadow's story, I want you to take a look at the cast of characters here:

0:15 Ian Hanlin as Shadow The Hedgehog

Shadow is a black and red striped hedgehog, also known as the ultimate lifeform, whose air shoes allow his speed to rival Sonic's. He wields the Chaos Emerald around to control space and time, and can also use it to drag him up to higher speed. He crosses paths with Rouge The Bat, and hooks up with her, going on day-by-day dates that last very quickly having their bonds form into romance. He suddenly realizes Sonic and his friends were blasted into the sky after a big ground rumbling explosion. All of Sonic and friends were thrown up into the sky out of Green Hill. He assures Rouge, Umbra, Blaze and Omega to join him to save Sonic, his friends and the crystals in various other unfamiliar areas.

1:15 Kazumi Evans as Rouge The Bat

Rouge is a jewel-loving anthropomorphic bat who works as a spy. She crosses paths with Shadow and starts going on day-by-day dates with him until she has completely fallen in love with him. She teams up with him, alongside Umbra, Blaze and Omega to save all the crystals in Greenhill, Sonic and his friends.

1:51 Finn Ban as E-123 Omega

Omega is Eggman’s formally abused red robot whose intent was to annihilate him and his evil schemes. He is given a chip which activates him to interact with others acting and sounding like a regular person would. He joins Shadow, Rouge, Umbra, and Blaze to Sonic, his friend’s and all the stolen crystals. He is considered to be one of the strongest robots he is when fighting all of the other robots he comes across.

2:08 Andrew Francis as Umbra the Wolf

Umbra is an anthropomorphic wolf who has the ability to use red-colored, static electricity to control the strength of any opponents’ powers and weakens them. He can glide in thin air and the sky, wearing a wingsuit, and hover boots to boost controlled speed. He can snap his fingers to stop and start time. He equips with his team with a couple of gadgets he made. His booster items are amethyst crystals, which he plunges them into his chest, and then he grows more strength. He can also use his power to make various electrified weapons, such as, whips, nunchucks, and big red explosive overhead bowling balls, etc.

2:52 Britt McKillip as Blaze the Cat

Blaze is a purple cat princess from an alternate dimension. She has been appointed as guardian of the Sol Emeralds. She ends up, finding herself, not having any other gems left in her dimension and discovers a cloak figure passing through. And into another dimension through a dark purple whole. She travels through to Green Hill and teams up with shadow and the rest of his crew to save them.

And now for the synopsis:

Shadow, Rouge, Omega, Umbra & Blaze bark on an adventure to save all the stolen crystals, Sonic and his friends. All of Sonic and his friends have been blasted into the sky by an explosion and separately land in various unfamiliar areas nobody knows about. All the crystals were stolen by a cloak figure who dimensionally teleports into other worlds, and other land areas.

Furthermore, if any of you guys want to help make more ideas for the story, the link is here:

https://www.icloud.com/notes/065rMcc64djg5j3U7Z_zcu4sA#SHADOW_PRIME:_Team_Dark_Upgraded_(Netflix_Original)

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Just remember, have a great day, and good luck finding ways to make your miracles happen. I wish you all the best.

[delladuck]

tw// discussion of postpartum depression and depression in general… this is a long post of random Della thoughts

Okay, so I've been thinking about that post I just reblogged a lot because I really the concept of Theory 4 (I know it's sad but it feels so real). I just have minor adjustments in my head. For instance, I personally don't see Della caring about the triplets father at all. Like, my guy was definitely not involved. I really see Della as a free spirit, and I can’t really see her ever wanting to be in a committed relationship… Wow, I'm sorry, I make everything about her sad. In my brain/headcanon world, every relationship she has had always crashes and burns because she doesn't like feeling tied down. She’s always running…. Anyway, about the postpartum depression, I feel like she suffered so badly from it— only not in the way where she wanted to hurt them lol. She just didn't feel bonded or connected and became depressed from that. That's why she was avoidant and would seem at times (to her family) like she wasn't being "responsible". Along with the depression, they also served as a reminder that everything is going to change. So what does she do? She runs.

I love the explanations for Donald and Scrooge under Theory 4. Head-on-the-nail for their thought process and feelings. But yeah, she finally thinks of the SOS and for the first time in months, feels something other than the nagging continuous depression. She thinks that if she can go the distance, do something as extraordinary as space travel, that it will prove things can still be the same and even potentially propel her out of her depressed state. She won't have to "settle down" as she’s constantly being reminded. I don't think it was to get away from her responsibility, I think she was completely overwhelmed and conflicted because of the effects of postpartum.

Being on the moon brings her entirely new traumas. Instead of getting help and speaking out when she was on earth, she’s now literally trapped. Her isolation is, obviously, no longer in her head. Queen, I'm so sorry (as if I'm talking to her LOL). Damn, she really was stranded on the moon by herself for a decade! Her untreated depression worsens into something entirely new (PTSD...!).

She obviously loves the triplets. I think that, relatively quickly, her time on the moon, when things went from bad to worse, her idea worked in a way? It certainly was something to knock her out of her “funk” (postpartummm). The kids are her motivation to keep fighting. She would take care of them. She would make it all up. She was committed, but how the duck was she supposed to think that anything could go wrong when Scrooge McDuck built this for her? Encouraged her to go for it? He always kept her safe and so on and on and on. She tried to free herself following his example and lost everything in her search for how things used to be (insert that Frank post about Scrooge betting it all and willing to rebuild from scratch if he looses everything).

It just seems like she was dealing with a lot— especially internally. So much was happening at once. My girl got so mentally ill. Like, being alive is so complicated… Deyla… I feel like she had a lot of highs and lows, but the lows were more often, common, and longer. One day she would feel like, “This is awesome. My kids are going to be the coolest and I can't wait to show them everything,” then the following week is unending flow of, “There’s too much to do and so many ways to screw up. Why is there so much that goes into taking care of them? They can’t really expect me to stay in the mansion for months on end right? I want to take care of them. I can’t take care of them. Donald thinks he knows everything. I'm a failure. They’re just eggs. What am I supposed to do with that? Yep, I feel soooo bonded... I’m a bad mom. Why don’t I feel the way that I should?” But of course, she’s stubborn and doesn’t tell anyone. So Donald labels her as irresponsible, and Scrooge don’t really gaf tbh because he thinks it will all smooth over and be fine as soon as they hatch. Troll goes ahead and builds SOS and the rest is history. I’m not really sure where I meant to go with this. I drew fanart the other night thinking about this, rediscovered that post I reblogged, and now here I am typing the thought process of a duck that I headcanon to have had postpartum depression. This is all just random and just what I think. I'm sure there are other posts like this but I just spent all this time typing this out so I figure, why not post? Goodnight.

[lunaxamans]

{ In the Beginning... }

Summary: An early interaction between Emma and the boys. In which Marc and Steven find out that Emma comes from an abusive home like them. Pairing: Original Character { Emma Harper } x Marc Spector; bits of Emma Harper x Steven Grant  Contents: angst to fluff, hurt/comfort, established relationship, twin flame relationship, OC is deeply psychic and can communicate with the boys telepathically due in part to twin flame bond  Warnings: mentions of severe mental illness { i.e. psychosis, PTSD, anxiety, panic, depression, OCD, mood disorder }, mentions of abuse, inaccurate DID { as is common with MK fic }, self-loathing, self-blame  Word Count: 1.1k

Author’s Notes:

This is written in what my writing partner and I refer to as God!Mode. Essentially it's the characters outside of all of their different Universes and them at their core selves -- which for this reason sometimes will refer to real people but very little { i.e. in this one I, myself am mentioned, but very minorly }. As if their God!Versions. This is sort of their truest of Canons.

Also I meant to write this up properly which I probably still will at some point but I wanted to get it posted for @romanarose for something I intended to help them with.

Emma Harper is the original character that will star in all of my fics with the boys. I’ve been writing them for a while now and the relationship is super established unless stated otherwise. Emma && the boys have what is known as a twin flame union – think ultimate soulmate of soulmates / two halves of the same soul; you only get one of these and they are *extremely* rare, typically reincarnate with each other over thousands of years on this planet, if not before even coming to this planet from other star systems. For this reason, the four of them are able to telepathically communicate which is also common with this kind of bond, among other things.

Emma: -coming down the hallway, grimacing as she looks back toward the stairs, calling softly, so softly in fact, that she’s barely audible- “Steven?” 

Steven: -from in the bedroom, nose buried in a book as he, too, tries to ignore what’s going on downstairs, calling gently back- “in here, love!” 

Emma: -steps into the room, rounding the corner and standing at the foot of the bed, fidgeting nervously- 

Steven: -immediately concerned, setting the book down and removing his reading glasses- “what is it? did something--” -pauses, taking in her appearance as more noise comes from downstairs, suddenly understanding- “elle’s mum again?” 

Emma: -nods quickly, not making eye contact- “she-- um--” -shifts uncomfortably, crossing her arms over her chest- “she reminds me of mine—my mom, I mean...she’s also...”

Steven: -swallows, trying to put the pieces together, not wanting to assume, speaking softly- “...difficult?” 

Emma: -cringes as if she’s taken a physical blow, correcting him quietly, her voice barely there- “abusive…" 

Steven: -his heart stops as she seems frozen in place- 

{ Marc: ‘Steven let me front...’ } 

Steven: -swallows again, giving a small nod- 

Emma: -before he can speak, she breaks the silence, tucking her hair behind her ears, keeping her gaze downcast, her voice small- “can I?”  

Steven: -realizes she wants to sit down, nodding profusely- “of course!” 

Emma: -nods with him, climbing onto the bed and scooting a little closer but keeping a fair distance, rolling her lips in, in that way that causes her dimples to prick into her cheeks, still avoiding his eyes- 

{ Marc: ‘Steven!’ } 

Steven: -clears his throat quietly- “Marc would like to speak with you, is that okay, love?” 

Emma: -nods again quickly, keeping her lips pressed together- 

Marc: -moves to the front, taking only a fraction of a second to adjust before he sits up straighter, shifting closer to her, his hands rising and moving toward Emma, who flinches at first, causing him to pause, turning his hands to show her he isn’t going to hurt her, when she nods in silent permission to continue, his fingers come to comb through her hair, coming around to cradle her face at her jaw, dipping his head to search out her eyes- 

Emma: -relaxes a little as his hands move through her hair and come around to hold her face gently, rolling her lips in further again, her eyes meeting his briefly before shying away from his again- 

Marc: -his heart squeezes in his chest, aching for her and everything he already feels for her, when he does find his voice, it comes out soft and raspy, filled with complete and utter awe- “how are you real?” 

Emma: -her eyes flicker to his, a slight furrow coming between her eyebrows, confused by the way he says it as if she were some kind of miracle- 

Marc: -holds her eyes for a moment before his gaze scales over her features, leaning in hesitantly, his lips finally capturing hers- 

{ Steven: -indignant, even if he’s ignored- ‘I coulda done that, mate...’ } 

Emma: -seems to only melt into Marc, reaching to gently grasp at his shirt as if weakly trying to hold him there- 

Marc: -when she doesn’t back away—instead leaning into him further, he uses his hold on her to pull her closer, deepening the kiss for just a moment before withdrawing, just enough to brush his nose into hers, touching his forehead to hers, frowning gently into her, his voice barely above a whisper, still sounding completely awestruck and floored at the way they seem fit together- “it feels like—you were made specifically for us—and we were just—waiting to find you...--does that sound completely crazy?” 

Emma: -her nose moves into his when it meets hers, turning her forehead into his, when he speaks again, all she can do is gently nod, likewise dumbfound and only meaning to agree with the former statement not realizing about the question-  

Marc: -chuckles softly, teasing her lightly, his thumbs brushing over her cheeks- “it does?” 

Emma: -just kinda Stuck in the moment, still not fully comprehending him- “yes--” -seems to suddenly realize- “I mean—no!” -pouting softly, giving him a Look- 

Marc: -can’t help another quiet chuckle as she struggles and the warmth fills in his chest, raising one hands to slowly comb through her hair again- 

Emma: -summons a deeper breath, releasing it in an almost silent sigh, correcting herself- “it doesn’t sound crazy...and I know crazy...” -rolls her eyes at herself- 

Marc: -immediately shakes his head as she finishes, frowning deeply, searching out her eyes again- “hey, don’t do that…" 

Emma: -looks at him in confusion, still scowling in disappointment but at herself, asking quietly- “do what?” 

Marc: “don’t talk about my girl like that—” 

{ Steven: -only to be ignored again- ‘Our girl...’ } 

Emma: -still frowning at him, acting like she didn’t just make a joke at her own expense, deep deep pout, In Baby- “like what?” 

Marc: -scowling back at her with that same profound wonder, even as hope blossoms in his chest that she didn’t deny his claim on her, releasing one hand on her only to bring it back to gently graze the back of his knuckles over her cheek, all but whispering again- “like she isn’t the most perfect girl we’ve ever known…"

Emma: -her chest tightens with the familiar ache of attachment, trying to take another deep breath through her nose and force it through her lungs, releasing it heavily even as it shakes at the ends, her voice tremoring over the single word- “o-oh…" -she fights to keep the smile down that threatens to overtake her face, her dimples betraying her secret, her eyes avoiding his shyly- 

Marc: -unsure of how this all happened, just completely winded- “god you really are-- perfect…" 

Emma: -the shy smile only grows, giving him a gentle, playful shove, but not putting anything behind it- 

Marc: -can barely bear the ache in his chest, a small smirk of his own threatening to take over- “ya know—Steven's gonna strongarm me soon if I don’t give you back...” -his eyes falling in disappointment- 

Emma: -her eyes immediately snap to his, chewing the inside of her lips and gripping his shirt tighter as if to keep him there with her- “stay…" 

Marc: -his own eyes fix themselves to hers once more, again dumbfound- “yeah?” 

{ Steven: -still seemingly being ignored- “bugger...last place it seems...” } 

Emma: -immediately nodding- “yeah…" -shy, dimply smile, pausing before poking him firmly in the chest a few times- “and tell Steven no one is last place here...” 

{ Steven: -would be blushing if he were in control of the body- ‘oh!’ } 

Marc: -scoffs quietly- “think you just told him yourself...” 

Emma: -gives one more firm shove into his chest- “goo--!” 

Marc: -catches her hands when they shove at him and pulls her abruptly to himself, his lips reclaiming hers before she can even finish the word- 

[soul-wanderer]

I just realized that one of the things that have been bothering me (apart from certain people in the Marina fandom lacking boundaries and moderation) is the fact that oftentimes Maya’s and Carina’s relationship is labeled as “relationship goals”, which is also kind of ironic, given the sheer hatred Maya keeps receiving for being traumatized and mentally ill.

The point is, I don’t think their relationship was ever meant to be anything close to perfect or have a role model function, which is why it is concerning to label it as such.

Both of them entered this relationship with a lot of emotional baggage, especially in regard to their own families (especially their fathers). On top of that, they both didn’t really talk about said emotional baggage for quite a while and refused to get professional help for it, too. And then we have the fact that they disagreed on topics that were highly relevant for their relationship: marriage and children. In the end, they still get married and Maya even agrees on having kids, but if this were a real relationship, this almost certainly would go wrong in the long run, and it’s just not realistic that Maya would change her mind so quickly, just like their wedding was extremely rushed. And that is not even taking into account that Maya cheated on Carina with Jack and that Carina still ends up being friends with Jack again.

Fast-forward to more recent struggles, and we once again see a lack of communication between the two of them. Carina preferred to talk to anyone but Maya about her marriage problems and Maya just completely shut off, which is understandable but doesn’t help their marriage at all.

And I am not saying that their entire marriage is completely dysfunctional, because there definitely are beautiful moments between them, but in the end my argument still stands that the writers weren’t going for a beautiful, picture perfect, functional relationship.

And that’s okay!

They decided to show a relationship that had a less than ideal start, with two people who come with a lot of baggage that they refuse to talk about and fail to resolve in healthy ways a lot of the time. They often need a metaphoric explosion before they come to their senses and realize they cannot go on like this. Their relationship is deeply flawed because they are deeply flawed. And that’s just what relationships are like, sometimes. But I still wouldn’t suggest that anyone take their relationship as an example for what to look for in a relationship, because in real life this would almost certainly fail or lead to some sort of toxic trauma bonding, and I’m not sure anyone would want that for their own relationship.

That being said: The main issue seems to be the discrepancy in what demographic this entire storyline was written for and the demographic that is a big part of the actual fandom. As someone who grew up with Callie and Arizona as the main queer couple on TV, I know what it’s like to see a dysfunctional relationship and overlook the dysfunctional parts because that’s just the little representation you get, after all. There’s a considerable gap in the positive and healthy representation of queer couples for younger folks, and it’s showing. I personally don’t need or want positive representation, because I am at an age (oh, here we go) where I quite enjoy messy and realistic representation. Because I know when things are messy and problematic.

However, that does not mean that there is no hope left for this relationship. If they both! go to therapy and make amends, they might as well find ways to a healthy relationship. It’s fine if they do, it’s fine if they don’t. Again, the writers have done a remarkable job at portraying a realistic relationship - and sometimes realistic does mean messy and dysfunctional and problematic, and I hope more people are able to acknowledge that in the future. And by the way, that doesn’t mean that you can’t ship problematic couples - heck, I do it all the time, but it does mean that sometimes we need to use our critical thinking skills and not sugarcoat behaviours that weren’t meant to be healthy in the first place. Thanks for coming to my ted talk about problematic relationships!

[ninja-muse]

July was a reminder of why I don't generally walk into strange bookstores, because I ended up on an accidental bookstore crawl and came out of the evening with two books (Hatchet, Hrafnkel's Saga) and a mildly distressed colleague. I did make up for this by reading more off my TBR than I usually do, including Gaudy Night which I picked up just last month and am therefore congratulating myself on getting to so quickly.

My other hauls for the month are Labyrinth's Heart, which was worth the wait, and Interference, which was on sale when I had a gift card. Having read a very good gentle first-contact novel this month, I don't see myself getting to it anytime soon. Labyrinth's Heart, I picked up as soon as I was able, naturally.

Otherwise, it wasn't much of a month, doings-wise. I've been working a lot on my WIP and have gotten back into jigsaw puzzles. Turns out if I've done a puzzle before, I can redo in a matter of days. Or one day, if I'm not working. It's also been a month of stalking my library holds list with very little to show for it. September, though. The library's going to be very good to me in September.

My next big thing is a holiday! I'm at the stage of packing right now where I start to second-guess the quantities I'm bringing. Is five shirts enough? More importantly, is three books? I'm going to be off-grid for most of the time, so there'll be lots of reading time but also no way to get an emergency ebook or recharge my devices. Inviting people to weigh in here.

And as always, if you've got questions about the books I've read, why I rated and ranked them a certain way, any of that, ask away! I know I'm not really active on here these days but I check comments every day and am still down to chat.

And now without further ado, in order of enjoyment…

A Half-Built Garden - Ruthanna Emrys

We’re doing good work to address the climate crisis but the newly arrived aliens want us to leave the planet anyway.

8.5/10

🏳️‍🌈 main character (sapphic), 🏳️‍🌈 secondary characters (sapphic, non-binary, trans men and women, genderfluid), Jewish main character, Jewish secondary characters, disabled secondary characters (prosthetic arm, partial blindness), main character with depression and anxiety, poly-norm world, 🏳️‍🌈 author, #ownvoices

Labyrinth’s Heart - M.A. Carrick

The troubles in Nadežra are coming to a head just as Ren’s tangle of identities begins to loosen.

8/10

🏳️‍🌈 POV characters (bisexual, sapphic), 🏳️‍🌈 secondary characters (mlm, trans man), 🏳️‍🌈-norm world, 🏳️‍🌈 author

The Princess and the Grilled Cheese Sandwich - Deya Muniz

It’s an old story: girl refuses to marry men, girl dresses as boy, girl bonds with girl over fashion and dairy products…

8/10

🏳️‍🌈 protagonists (sapphic), Brazilian-American author, 🏳️‍🌈 author, #ownvoices

Nick and Charlie - Alice Oseman

Nick’s about to go to uni. Charlie’s worried about going long-distance.

7.5/10

🏳️‍🌈 main characters (gay, bisexual), 🏳️‍🌈 author

Gaudy Night - Dorothy L. Sayers

Harriet Vane’s Oxford college falls victim to sinister pranks and, as a mystery writer and alumna, she’s called in to find the culprit.

7.5/10

warning: classism, equating of mental illness to criminality, misogynists

The Wager - David Grann

A secret mission in the Age of Sail. A shipwreck and a mutiny. The perils of the sea—and your fellow man.

7/10

warning: fairly graphic depictions of illness, injury, and violence; historical racist language

Sir Hereward and Mister Fitz - Garth Nix

A knight and a puppet-sorcerer travel the world to rid it of proscribed gods.

6.5/10

warning: a high percentage of female characters wind up injured, dead, evil, or some combination

An Accident of Stars - Foz Meadows

When Saffron jumps through a portal outside her school, she finds herself in another world on the brink of civil war.

7/10

🏳️‍🌈 main character (bisexual), 🏳️‍🌈 secondary characters (aromantic, trans, poly), Black British secondary character, brown-skinned secondary characters, secondary character with chronic illness (similar to fibromyalgia), secondary character with disability (similar to stroke paralysis), poly-norm world, 🏳️‍🌈 author

warning: misandry, violence and injuries, death of a child

Hrafnkel’s Saga and Other Icelandic Stories - Anonymous, with Hermann Pálsson (translator)

Short medieval pseudo-histories.

7/10

warning: violence, murder

The Dragons at Crumbling Castle and Other Tales - Terry Pratchett

Early writings by a master author.

6.5/10

Occasional Indo-British secondary characters, occasional unspecified BIPOC characters

warning: reliance on racial stereotypes for bit-part characters

Misfortune Cookie - Vivien Chien

Lana’s attending a restaurant convention in California when her aunt’s journalist friend falls mysteriously off a roof.

6/10

Taiwanese-American protagonist, Taiwanese-American secondary characters, Asian-American secondary characters (unspecified), Chinese-American author, #ownvoices

Kill Show - Daniel Sweren-Becker

A teen goes missing after running back to her school bus for a bag. Forget podcasts: time for the reality show! Out in October

7/10 warning: missing child, murder

DNF

Thief Liar Lady - D.L. Soria

Aislinn’s met her Prince Charming. Unfortunately her stepmother isn’t happy about how slow the con is going, and there’s another prince who keeps getting her to drop character.

Love Letters For Joy - Melissa See

Joy’s on track to be the first disabled valedictorian at her high school, but that'ss held her back from a High School Relationship™. Will writing to the school’s anonymous love letter writer help?

🏳️‍🌈 main characters (asexual, pansexual), 🏳️‍🌈 secondary characters (lesbian, bi, gay), main character with cerebral palsy, Black and Latina secondary characters, author with cerebral palsy, 🏳️‍🌈 author, #ownvoices for cerebral palsy

Currently reading:

Board to Death - CJ Connor

Ben turns down a suspiciously good deal on an old board game, only for the dealer to turn up dead that night.

🏳️‍🌈 main character (gay), 🏳️‍🌈 secondary character (gay), 🏳️‍🌈 author, #ownvoices

Music from the Earliest Notations to the Sixteenth Century - Richard Taruskin A history of early written European music, in its social and political contexts.

Stats

Monthly total: 12 Yearly total: 87/140 Queer books: 5 Authors of colour: 0 Books by women: 4.5 Authors outside the binary: 2.5 Canadian authors: 0 Off the TBR shelves: 4 Books hauled: 4 ARCs acquired: 1 ARCs unhauled: 6 DNFs: 2

January February March April May June July

[krissiefox]

Adventures of Sonic The Hedgehog - Robotnik Junior (Screenshots and review)

Well,Well...remember how in my last review I mentioned the problem with how the playlist I was watching through had the episodes out of order? Well, the next episode I was going to review was "Sonic the matchmaker" but just like last time it featured a returning character that I didn't get to see the introduction of - Robotnik's son! Thankfully, he has a whole episode revolving around his origin, so I decided to do that one first. I ended up watching this episode on another YouTube channel, which noticeably presented the episodes in a widescreen format, so that's a nice bonus for my screenshots this time. Now onto, the review! The episode begins with Robotnik lamenting the failures of scratch and Grounder yet again, and locking them out of his fortress. As he stands by the drawbridge controls, he is suddenly hit my inspiration - he is going to create a new son for himself!

(image: Robotnik’s glorious dump-truck has been besmirched! For shame!) He soon brings his new son to life in a lab, and Robotnik Junior immediately starts causing trouble by spray-painting graffiti all over Robotnik's butt. Robotnik is angered at first, but then remembers that this is how he behaved as a child, and feels proud of his kid.

Robotnik wants to bond with Junior, so he plans a camping trip for them, and orders Scratch and Grounder to starts destroying the area around the forest so he'll enjoy it more (Robotnik seems to be really trying to summon Captain Planet in this episode!). Sonic puts an end to this environmental destruction, so next Robotnik decides to give Junior some schooling about Sonic being a threat, and trains him on his newest plan to trap Sonic inside a metal labyrinth. When it's time to trap Sonic, he gets locked inside as planned but then escapes by simply cutting his way through the labyrinth wall, but doesn't anticipate Junior's extra trapdoor he set up outside, so he ends up getting trapped in a sewer (though it looks more like a cave). Robotnik is overjoyed at this and is even more proud of Junior! However, Scratch and Grounder have reached a breaking point of jealousy to where they actually decide they want to off the little kid!

(image: Scratch and Grounders jealousy of Robotnik giving Junior so much affection festers into very ugly feelings. I like seeing these more complicated themes in this silly slapstick show) Oblivious to this, Robotnik decides he wants Junior to learn how to fish next, so he has Scratch and Grounder take him to a local lake. Unfortunately for Junior, the two take this opportunity to try and murder him with a cement truck, but Sonic shows up to rescue him! Junior is very surprised by this and Sonic tries to explain to Junior that if he let's himself have bad friends, they're eventually gonna do bad things to him, too! Junior is standoffish about this at first but starts to consider Sonic’s words after a little while. This was one of my favorite parts of the episode because of how it touches upon things like being an enabler for shitty friends, and how even if you're the selfish person who doesn't care how they treat others (which makes you a total dick, by the way), they're probably also going to hurt you sooner or later, as well.

Robotnik arrives to check on things and is horrified to see Sonic talking to junior, so he quickly scoops up all 3 of his robotic kids and flies away. "Don't talk to me or my kids ever again!" Back at home, Junior tries to tell Robotnik that Scratch and Grounder attacked him and Sonic was the one who saved him, but as soon as Robotnik hears him speaking well of Sonic he begins to panic and start gaslighting Junior, telling him he's ill and that he needs a doctor (to which Grounder points out that the only Doctor he knows of is Dr. Robotnik himself). Scratch and Grounder exploit this by tying up Junior so he can't tell the truth, claiming he needs to be bandaged up so he won't hurt himself.

Robotnik insists that revenge is the only cure for what ails Junior, so he tries to kill Sonic with a giant magnifying glass as Junior watches. This situation gives Junior the inner strength (the magic of friendship!) to break free from his bindings and save Sonic from the device by blocking its ray with his egg-o-matic, and Sonic in return jumps into action to save Junior from getting hit by the device by toppling the entire thing over! Robotnik loses his shit, as one might expect someone to do after being betrayed by their own kid, and Sonic seems to take sadistic pleasure in seeing Junior turn on Robotnik.

The Sonic Says segment briefly goes over episodes overall message - don't give in to peer pressure from crappy people who want you to do bad things!

This was another nice episode! I like seeing stories about Robotnik's family life, and seeing Scratch and Grounder get jealous of "the new baby" was an interesting angle. Robotnik trying to bond with his son was cute with all of over-the-top villainous behavior. Best of all, we get a wholesome ending where Junior realizes his dad is toxic and moves on to live his own life doing more positive things!

[anagramtransitory]

9. Love can fill the vacuum that says “why bother” or “what if someone tells me that’s not the right way or tells me something is silly lame or incorrect”. It says that I’ll still be loved even while I clean up the worst messes ever made by a human being, that I made, and that there’s no question about that. That there’s no shame because I’m loved and not my work ethic or my house looking nice when I’m home alone not hurting anybody by making messes, not my functionality. Ironically, only that could make me able to function. I can embody what I imagine a combined parent of all of my parental figures would say to anybody that questions the way I do things in my house, which is with kindness, patience, and a refusal to actually listen to them about any of it. To tell them “that’s interesting” and change the subject carefully to something similar but not related to how I do things. Good parents would let the houses of their strange children be questioned and not hold it against anybody, because it won’t be desperate like that. So I can react like that. Like a person who can laugh about the way a person they love lives. My real parents did not have the heart to tell me about the existence of evil or the state of the real world outside our loving home/family, and they did not have the ability to cope with a severely depressed young person for a long long time without improvement from any treatment plus other mental illnesses and problems and extreme anger issues. They did not have the ability to cope because both to this day refuse to give respect and attention to darkness and pain and suffering. Both good people. Neither people are good parents as parental figures for me specifically, and haven’t been since I found out about the reality they sheltered me from pretty much. So all the defense, armor, strength, coping, that’s all been self-parenting. 96% of me as a person/personality. That’s a lot of self-parenting! But once I gave full respect and loyalty and attention to the darkness, and thus to myself, I realized all that was left was kindness coming out of pure blackness and pain, to give meaning to my life, and ever since I’ve realized that pretty much once you’ve got darkness and pain on your side as old friends you cannot possibly be killed by no matter the severity or time stolen in paralysis hells in months and years at a time, then you realize that all the darkness and evil pales in comparison to how bad you thought the world was (pitch black pure animal hell-maze-by-torturer-god, with-only demon inhabitants as animals in that deceptive demon hell torture garden, a fantasy built for your own personal hell on earth to live inside of only to fight god and spite the suicide god wants you to commit, pure lust and greed and sloth and wrath and gluttony and nothing more when all masks are off, nothing deeper that’s true or real), and then you realize that love in all its forms and kindness in all its forms are the best and also most effective ways of living and getting what you want quickly and constantly and universally. No parent could have walked me through all that. My parents produced two different kinds of people, and the one I am is a fighter/changer-type, to improve a situation by any means necessary, both able and willing to do either. So ideally they would have known to tell me the truth about what I was up against, about the way the good makes the majority of the bad look ineffective and silly and short-lived and weak, while the good is what bonds all social animal groups together to help them survive better and is therefore what is best to model to show you belong in a tribe and shouldn’t have your genes or membership left behind for kinder ways of living, which eventually happens, always, due to evolution favoring those “more likely to kill and get killed” sets of genes/traits in favor of ones that help animals be smarter and more harmonized towards common goals and common needs. They ideally would have told me that darkness in myself is one side of a valuable and strong and ultimately built for good sword.

[natugood]

Sometimes I regret making sideblogs for specific interests on here cause it makes me feel like I’ve fractured myself into separate parts of a whole, and like none of my blogs fully captures my actual essence. I understand why I organized my blogs in the way I did, but I think sadly most of that sorting was out of fear, and I don’t like that I let my fear of others separate myself into supposedly more palatable segments. I don’t need to make myself palatable or censor myself for anyone, I should feel safe and comfortable existing as my whole self, even if who I am is constantly change and I am always figuring out who I am. If people don’t like me online, they can just unfollow me, this is a space I created for myself and I want to interact with people who like me for my whole self, not a snapshot or a groomed part of my being.

The only side blog which I think is an exception to this is the one which I use when my brain is bad. That is a part of myself I don’t think I am at all comfortable with others knowing about or seeing, at least not any time soon. I don’t like people who know of me, especially people I know in real life, seeing me be erratic and agitated and in extreme distress. It’s interesting though, because I feel like I would be ok with people who had never known of me finding that blog and engaging with it, and thus with me. It seems to follow a cycle in my life that when I discover a new part of myself, I am afraid to show it to people who I already know but I feel safe showing it to new people, and only once I’ve becoming more comfortable in how that part of myself fits into my identity do I actually share that part of myself with people from before. The problem with mental illness is that it’s constantly changing in the amounts it is present and how it expresses itself, so it is hard for me to truly let it find a place within my identity, thus is it very hard for me to ever share that part of myself with others. That being said, I have been more open more quickly about some of my recent struggles, so maybe that shows I am growing and becoming better at being comfortable with myself and not afraid of the judgment or rejection of others. That or I am also learning that being vulnerable with the people you love shows that you love them and creates trust and a stronger bond, because just like you want to love and support your friends in times of need, your friends also want to love and support you. It’s very hard for me to let go of the idea that strength and perseverance triumph over vulnerability, weakness, and openness, even though logically I understand that in many circumstances it should be reversed.

That all being said, who cares this is the internet this space objectively has no meaning in the grand scheme of things. I can do what I want with my online accounts.

[convxction]

There would always be times where the Exalt or Queen would have to travel to one of the neighboring countries to talk with the other leaders and negotiate new treaties or trade deals. Usually one of the two would go and the other would stay in the castle. It became a lonelier time as the person going away may be weeks at a time.

This was one of those days where Chrom would be gone away for a little while on a diplomatic trip. Rebecca was left to take care of local affairs and the children. She was always saddened by how long he was gone but she also noticed something. On the hand her wedding ring was on, it would feel warmer like when Chrom held it. As if saying that he’s always there with her. Other times she could swear that she could see him in a spirit like form. Always smiling and saying he loves her. It was comforting in a way.

A little into the trip, Chrom would receive a letter from Rebecca that read the following:

Dear Chrom,

I hope that you have reached your destination safely and are doing well. Things at the castle have been semi-quiet with just minor disputes that need to be solved. The kids and I miss you very much. They’ve been asking when you’ll be coming back and I’ve told them the day you’re suppose to return.

The castle seems more empty with you gone. There’s…also been something strange going on. I’m not sure if it’s my mind playing tricks on me or what but whenever i have my wedding ring on, I swear I can feel your touch or even see you from time to time. It’s a good feeling and helps with not being able to see you for these extended periods of time. Maybe you were right about all those times you talked about the strength of the bonds we share ha ha.

I hope that everything will go smoothly for you so that you can return to us soon. I love you and will write more soon.

Love, Rebecca

Since the day he saw his family-in-law that night and Chrom secretly did research on the matter with Miriel's help. There is no one else to tell them what happened without being called 'delusional' or worst 'crazy'. Miriel looked into the matter and with enough time, she gathered some clues; strong bonds can break into the fabric of time and space, just enough to project spirits into the world for a particular purpose. It would explain how both Rebecca's real parents were present that night. Chrom had been keeping in contact with Spartan about this topic, asking for clues about them for her sake. Especially, when Thomas started to show some features which are not quite from his side and made people whisper ill things about the queen.

Bonds huh ...

Bonds are what made everything possible; defeating risens, walhart, grima and bringing back robin. Heh, of course, finding the love of his life. Bonds are a wonderful thing; the best gift that humans were given.

On his travels, his bonds were tested every time. Whenever he felt uneasy he would gently give his ring a kiss to remind him of whom he is working his ass off; his family.

The letter arrived safely and honestly at a good time. hurriedly, he opened the letter to read his wife's words. Eyes scanning every word she wrote, he paused for a moment, recalling feeling something similar to what she wrote about. So, he was not being dramatic?

"Rebecca, too? ... Then ... this is what Miriel told me about. Tiki said something similar a while back, too. Naga, did too ...

A soft smile curled his lips, kissing his ring again perhaps this will tell Rebecca how much he misses her, too.

Hmm.. to send a letter or not? It would not make sense to write what he knows on paper so he will save the explanation until he comes back home and just write he will be home soon.

"Dear, Rebecca

It made me happy to receive a letter from you at this time. I needed it. As for that matter, I will be home soon to discuss what you felt because I do, too. I know it must be confusing but it makes sense; you said it yourself "our bonds" made it happen.

I will do everything in my power to come home quickly but for now, Flavia is not letting me go any time soon--Khan's hospitality and all that you know. Basilio had sworn I'd spend some time with him for the old days' sake. I tried to decline politely but he refused to take no for an answer.

And Rebecca, I love you. Kiss the kids for me."

unprompted | always accepting | @pieman1112

[rootstms]

What are the Principles of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy?

What is cognitive behavioral therapy?

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is a type of psychotherapeutic treatment that helps people learn how to identify and change destructive or disturbing thought patterns that have a negative influence on behavior and emotions.

The main goal of CBT is to alter automatic negative thoughts that can cause and exacerbate emotional problems, sadness, and anxiety. CBT awareness studies conducted by a reputable TMS specialist near me indicate that these uncontrollable negative thoughts negatively affect a person's mood.

These unfavorable thoughts are recognized, contested, and changed through CBT with thoughts that are more objective and realistic. Along with helping to detect negative thoughts, CBT also benefits in the ways listed below:

Practicing new skills

Setting treatment goals

Identification and solving problems

Self monitoring

Addiction, anger management issues, anxiety, bipolar disorder, depression, eating disorders, panic attacks, personality disorders, and phobias are just a few of the many conditions that CBT is used to treat.

In addition to treating mental health conditions, CBT helps individuals to manage stress, low self-esteem, relationship issues, insomnia, chronic pain, major illness, divorce, breakups, bereavement, and loss.

Principles of cognitive behavioral therapy

A TMS center Long Beach has celebrated for long periods of time has frequently argued that whereas CBT should be tailored to an individual’s unique needs, a number of principles have been advanced to underpin all its varied patterns. The principles are as follows:

Patients’ problems are ever-evolving

CBT is based on a constantly changing formulation of patients' issues and a unique characterization of each patient in terms of cognition. It is important to identify the patient's present thought patterns and problematic behaviors during therapy and then analyze the related variables, such as life experiences.

The patient's whole situation is conceptualized with the hindsight of the information gathered to provide an accurate picture of the patient’s whole situation. The conceptualization needs to be refined each time the patients are interacted with and as more information becomes available.

Sound therapeutic alliance

The goal of CBT should be to build dependable bonds between therapists and their clients. Lessons from the journal of one of the most eminent psychiatrists Los Angeles has produced in many years show how the therapist should always be provided with the appropriate resources to provide care, warmth, empathy, and competence to his or her patient.

Collaboration and active participation

Teamwork should be used to plan CBT sessions and decide what to work on and how frequently that should be done. Prioritizing the patient's active involvement will enable them to have a long-lasting impact on their care.

Goal-orientedness and astute focus on the problem at hand

During the initial therapy sessions, CBT should assist the patient in creating clear, measurable, achievable, realistic, and time-bound goals. These objectives are crucial because they enable the patient to quickly recognize and dismiss thoughts that get in the way of their objectives and analyze and react to them.

Emphasis on the present

CBT should make sure that the patient's current issues and particular upsetting circumstances are the main focus of the treatment. Therefore, it should only do so when the patient being considered indicates a strong preference for doing so.

Empowering the patient to be his or her own therapist

CBT should make sure the patient is aware of every step of the procedure, including how their ideas affect their feelings and actions. The patients should become fervently interested in exploring and analyzing their thoughts and beliefs as well as making plans for behavioral modifications as part of the treatment.

Emphasis on relapse prevention

Patients should learn from CBT how their ideas affect their emotions and conduct. Additionally, it ought to teach students how to assess their thoughts and beliefs and plan for behavioral changes.

Structured sessions

To promote structured therapy and increase efficiency and efficacy, CBT should support it. A quick description of the treatment weeks, a section where the mood is assessed, and a section where the agenda for the sessions is jointly defined should all be included in the format.

Reviewing previous assignments, talking about issues raised by the agenda, assigning new homework, and summarizing should all be included in the middle section. Getting input should be the structure's last step.

Time smart

To help patients understand how much time they should devote to the various components of the treatment as well as the overall process, each CBT session should have a time limit.

Patient empowerment and use of various techniques to trigger change

Empowerment of patients to enable them to identify, evaluate, and respond to their dysfunctional thoughts and beliefs should underpin CBT.

Additionally, a leading CBT therapist Los Angeles residents frequently speak about, has opined that CBT should espouse the use of various techniques geared toward triggering change in patients’ thinking, moods, and behaviors.

Help to locate a good CBT therapist near me

Finding a good CBT therapist is a complicated endeavor. Getting a good CBT therapist near you can be even more daunting.That is why you need someone who understands the terrain to help you with information and other forms of assistance in locating the therapist that best suits your needs.

Roots TMS has been helping many patients to identify psychologists and CBT therapists that best suit their needs. You can connect with themtoday for help by calling 562-268-5813.

[bensonsbobblehead]

My Boys - Spencer Reid x Single!Mom reader

Summary: Watching Spencer bond with your son and seeing how alike they are.

Pairings: Spencer Reid X Single!Mom reader

Category: fluff

Content warnings: bullying

Word count: 1.5k

[masterlist]

Working at the BAU with a middle schooler had been the most challenging thing in life so far. Not that you showed it to the people around you. Jamie was a sweet and shy boy. One of the smartest in class which made you proud. He wasn’t very talkative at school so he didn’t have many friends. Jamie loved spending time with you though you were his best friend.

You had been working at the BAU since Jamie was in 3rd grade. The only people that knew about Jamie was Hotch due to the fact you didn’t want an unsub to use your son against you. Keeping him a secret from profilers was easier than you expected. You had always had “girls night” with JJ, Penelope, and Emily but you still managed to never slip up which you were proud of. The one person that you struggled to keep it a secret from was Spencer.

You and Spencer had hit off since coming to the BAU. You loved listening to him talk and going to the library with him. He was so sweet with you and you kind of had a crush on him. You wanted badly to tell Spencer about Jamie but you couldn’t, specially not knowing how he’d react knowing you’re a single mother.

Until you got a call from Jamie’s school saying he was being bullied and just wanted to be picked up.

“This is she…is he okay? …okay I’m on my way.” You said immediately standing up with a concerned look on your face. You were with Spencer, well you were on a date. Spencer had finally mustered up the courage to ask you after a case.

“Hey, glad that case is over.” Spencer said sitting across from you on the jet.

“Yeah, I’m just ready to go home.” You said exhausted and ready to see Jamie.

“Um would you like to go on a date with me when we get back maybe?” He asked in a whisper trying to not let the team hear you.

“Of course Spence. I would love nothing more.” You smiled looking out the window. Spencer loved spending time with you, you were always there to listen to him ramble. You loved spending time with Spencer he was like your best friend. You didn’t want to leave the date but your son needed you.

“Is everything okay? Do we have a case?” He asked sweetly, you couldn’t tell him about Jamie like this.

“um.. yeah Ill maybe see you later? you can stop by or something.” Quickly walking off.

Not noticing what you had said, for safety everyone on the team knew where you lived, but you never allowed them to come over. It was more so never a reason for anyone to come over , it was always Rossis’ house or the team guys would go out to eat.

You quickly walked in the school heading to the principals office. You got to the door when the wind was knocked out of you by Jamie. His face was wet and he as visibly shaking.

“Come on J.” Rubbing his back and signing him out.

You never pressured him to talk but you hated seeing him this way. You knew 8th grade had its challenges so you couldn’t imagine being smarter and 3 years younger than everyone else. It makes you regret even moving him up a grade.

As you unlocked the door you asked “Jamie are you ready to ta—-“ before you could finish he had ran to his room and slammed the door.

A few hours passed, you peaked in his room and seen he fell asleep so you tidied up the house, made his favorite dinner which is also yours, and you were about to get him up. As you’re going to knock on the door there was a knock on your door.

With confusion on your face you went to open the door wondering who it might be. It was Spencer with a bouquet of flowers.

“Earlier you said to stop by. I was worried because you said “is he okay” so I brought flowers for whoever the he is.” He said looking you in the eye, you took the flowers and let him walk in.

Spencer took in your apartment, it was well furnished with books everywhere. He noticed the chess board on the table along with a boys backpack and shoes that couldn’t be yours.

“Thanks Spence that’s so thoughtful of you, um come in.” You were nervous, the only people in Jamies life were you and his teachers. He didn’t even know you worked with amazing people like Spencer.

“I can go if I’m intruding..” Spencer said standing in the middle of the floor with his hand in his pockets causing you to smile. “You aren’t. I..um my son had a bad day at school so I had to go pick him up.” You said trying to read Spencer’s face as you said it.

Right then Jamie walked out his room with puffy eyes red eyes and his glasses on the bridge of his nose. When he looked up he was met with a Spencer Reid, “um hi, I’m Jamie.” He said waving to Spencer, “Hi, I’m Spencer I’m a friend of your mom.”

Spencer noticed his face and immediately tried to cheer him up. After 30 seconds of silence, “I noticed a chess board that I know isn’t your moms. Do you want to play?” Spencer asked, he always made you play chess with him just so he could win. Jamie tried teaching you but you just never understood it.

“You play chess? Of course ill play with you moms sooo bad at it” Jamie eyes lit up as he giggled, he had never opened up so quickly and you could see it was helping him.

After a while of a very serious game Spencer spoke up, “Your mom told me you had a bad day today. I know middle school must suck.” He said trying to sympathize with him.

“Some boys started calling me names in the bathroom.” he quickly glanced at me with a deflated tone “Calling me a nerd and loser. I just wanted them to like me.” Jamie said looking down with tears building in his eyes.

“Jamie I kind of went through the same thing, i’m guessing you’re in 7th grade at such a young age cause you’re smart?” Spencer said causing Jamie to nod and you to smile.

“Well I was also moved up a lot of grades for being smart and middle schoolers treat people differently that aren’t like them cause they don’t even know who they are. But that's okay cause I like you and I think you’re great.” Spencer said pulling at your heart strings.

You never thought about how they could bond till you saw them together. It made you love Spencer even more than before. You hated that both your favorite boys were bullied for having amazing minds

“Can we..uh be friends maybe?” Jamie asked in a defeated tone, attempting to look Spencer in the eye, expecting the worse.

“Of course we can buddy. You’re like the best chess player I met and you have super cool glasses.” Causing a huge smile to appear on both their faces. After one more game Jamie had dinner and a shower and got ready for bed.

“You can come with me to tuck him in.” You looked at Spencer as you both were watching tv. You walked to Jamie’s room to see he was reading.

“Alright bud time for bed. Goodnight baby. I love you so much J” you said placing his book on his nightstand.

“Goodnight mom love you and Goodnight Spencer. Thanks for being my friend.”

“Of course buddy, goodnight.” Spencer said as you both left and you closed the door. The room fell silent and the tension grew. You knew Spencer had a million questions.

“Why didn’t you tell me about him?” He broke the question you could tell he wasn’t trying to push but genuinely curious.

“It was a safety thing with the team and I didn’t want to scare you off with me being a single mom.”

“I’m not sure if you noticed but I really like you, a lot, and that means liking everything that comes with you.” Spencer said pulling your chin up.

“Jamie is honestly such a great boy, I’m glad you let me meet him.” he said with a smile.

“You don’t want to leave knowing I have a kid?”

“No, I know we only had one date but I always liked you from the moment I seen you. Knowing you’re a mother, a great one at that only increased that.” Spencer said as you both kept eye contact with each other.

He slowly leaned in and so did you, and your lips finally connected. You took all of him in, feeling his soft lips on your ignited everything in you.

You both curled up on the couch wrapped in each other, to watch a movie. Having Spencer holding you and your son sleep in his room was everything you needed.

[gottawriteanegoortwo]

Dilliam - What If

I am once again writing something based on a dream after I dozed off on the bus. This time, it was a what-if where a Dilliam ship could turn into a Dark/William without the events of Who Killed Markiplier. As usual, it became longer than intended. Sorry about that.

In another timeline, the marriage of Celine and Mark has not led to an affair, yet something has happened to Damien. Maybe William can figure it out?

Warning for themes of possession.

Word Count: 2,640

–

By all definitions, it was bizarre.

Celine and Mark were going through a rough patch in their marriage. The love was still there, but it seemed far too easy to make tempers flare. Damien visited the couple and ended up staying the night.

Like a miracle, the stress between Celine and Mark lifted and everything was back to normal. At the same time, Damien's own behaviour had changed. Some days he would be absolutely fine, other days it would be like someone was playing a bad impression of him. Rarely, he didn't seem like himself at all.

As Mark and Celine explained the situation to a William who had just returned from an overseas trip, the soldier was left scratching his head in bewilderment. As far as Celine was aware, Damien hadn't been involved in any accidents, nor was he ill in health. If Damien still had plans to make the move from law to politics, the source of the problem needed to be figured out, and fast, before something tarnished his reputation.

"Can we not simply ask him what happened?" William asked, raising a wrist from its position on folded arms.

"You think I haven't tried? Damien gets defensive if it's brought up." Celine's frustrations were getting the best of her, but she was trying to keep calm.

"Think of how huffy Celine gets when you ask her if she forgot to put her makeup on - ow!" Mark laughed, despite the slap to his arm from his wife. "Point is, you know him better than us. You two have always been close, you know? I mean, of course you know you know."

"You really think he'd open up to me over his own sister?" If William knew anything, it was that the twins had a close bond. Not even a boyfriend could beat that. It meant that he couldn't hide his surprise at Celine's sigh of resignation. "Alright. I'll see what I can do."

–

Even though William worked for Mark as a handyman, he didn't live at the Manor. Instead, he rented a small cottage that was near both that and the barracks. It allowed him the independence and time alone he needed while also committing to his duties in both locations. It was also his big project when not working. The cottage was cozy, but neglect meant it required some love to bring it back to its glory days. While the cottage still had some rooms that needed work, the main living area was finally ready for visitors, and so William's "home from overseas" party took place in his home instead of the Manor. It was a small gathering that consisted of him, Mark, Celine and…. Hopefully Damien.

"It's not like him to be late. He's usually here before you two." William's eyes were on his pocket watch, then on the old clock on the wall, as though one of them were wrong.

"Like we said - he's not himself lately. Just… don't take it personally if he doesn't show up, okay?" Mark placed a hand on William's shoulder. 

Damien arrived shortly after that. William could immediately see something wasn't right. Damien's outfit still followed the family tradition of being monochromatic, but the choice was too stiff. The tie was too tight, the shirt was ironed too much. It was a failed attempt of formality that wasn't necessary for such a casual gathering.

But more importantly, the smile wasn't the one William remembered.

That spurred him to take on a mission to make Damien laugh. It was his way of trying to see if Damien was still himself. Mark quickly caught on to the plan and began recalling humorous tales. Finally, Celine aided the cause by poking fun at Mark and William.

As the evening went on, Damien did loosen up and laugh. It didn't put William's mind at ease. If anything, it only confirmed his suspicion that something had happened to trouble the lawyer's mind. 

"Damien?" William reached out as Damien fetched his coat, gently tugging his wrist to successfully stall the moment. "Do you… Maybe want to stay a little longer before you go?"

"I don't want to trouble -"

"Dames, please. I haven't seen you in weeks. Just stay for a cup of coffee…. Please? I've missed you."

Damien hesitated. His hand stayed on the coat, but his eyes dropped. "Alright. One cup of coffee. I can't stay too long… I hope you understand."

-

The sun was setting as Mark and Celine left. With the warmth of light flooding through from the kitchen, William hadn't noticed how dark the living room had become while making the coffee. Even when he returned, it took him a little longer to realise that there was a faint glow coming from Damien. It was subtle, but there was nowhere else that emitted a hint of blue.

Damien's eyes were on his hands. They rolled over one another in a wringing motion that mimicked the uneasy waves of the ocean. "I'm not the man you remember. Not fully."

"Nonsense." William placed the coffee - in Damien's favourite mug, of course - on the coffee table. "I might not have the sharpest memory, but you're still as handsome as you were before I left. Sure, you're dressed a little too formally, but you're still so cute."

"I'm serious, Will." At last, Damien lifted his eyes to look at the soldier. "I'm… I'm not what you think."

"Then why don't you tell me what I ought to think? You know I'm a man who always wants to be sure about things." Sitting on the couch beside Damien, William thought it best not to reach out to hold Damien close like he might have before. Instead, he nursed a cup of tea with both hands.

"I'm a monster."

"A monster?"

"In the literal sense."

"Ah. So… What happened?" William was known to be the fool of the group, but this ignorance allowed him to have an open mind.

"I… Do you remember how, in the days before you left, Mark and Celine were constantly at loggerheads with one another?" Damien waited for William to nod before continuing. "I found the source of their disputes and eliminated it from their lives… But it's a heavy cost for me."

"Hey, that's why I'm here. You can tell me anything."

"And that's why I'm being honest with you. I can't bear to explain this to Mark and Celine. They'd never understand." Damien lifted the mug and held it close for a sense of grounding before finding the courage to continue. "The day you left, I went back to the Manor. I don't know how to explain it, but there was a heavy tension in the air. At first, I thought it was because I was expecting the worst, but then it grew heavier shortly before they argued. And then… I saw a darkness looming over them, like hands pressing down on their shoulders. Neither of them noticed."

"What did you do?"

"Nothing. What could I have done - tell the pair that some creature was there? I said nothing… Then I began researching the occult once I returned home."

"You what?!"

"Let me finish!" Damien snapped, prompting the blue glow to briefly spark white. But as quickly as it happened, both hands slapped over his mouth with a look of horror. "I-I… I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. Myself and Celine have a history of occult practice in our family, and I do have the ability to see things that shouldn't be there, such as this shadowed being. I'm untrained, obviously, but if I could see it so clearly, I couldn't imagine how it was affecting residents. Celine has no idea about any of this, and likely forgot what I saw when we were kids." He placed his mug on the table, and William quickly did the same. "I spent several weeks researching techniques, protections, banishments - whatever I thought would help, I wrote in a notebook. Then, when I was next able to visit, I put my plan into action." Once more, Damien paused to look at his hands. Without a second thought, William reached out to take both in his hands.

"I'm glad this plan of yours didn't turn you into a homo necrosis." William finally got Damien to crack a smile at his clever observation.

"No, it didn't, thankfully." Damien lightly squeezed William's hands. "When I retired to my room, I called the energy to me. I wanted answers. And… Well, I got them. It told me that it was trapped. It was bound to the Manor through reasons it couldn't explain. It was growing jealous of those that lived in the walls, who could come and go as they pleased. Frustration was leading to anger, hence the arguments between Mark and Celine. I knew I had to try and do something to help."

"Help? How do you help a ghost thing?"

"You help in unconventional ways… Don't give me that look, Will. I had to do something. Celine has always protected me, or put her neck out to let me have some semblance of a life. If I could stop this malicious thing from ruining her marriage, then I would take it upon myself." His hands were pulled back so he could curl in on himself. "I offered it could come with me, on the agreement that it could see the world with me. But I don't think it can last forever. You see this glow? This is - this is new. I woke up in pain one morning, and… then I could see this glow when the room was dark. I couldn't find record of two souls inhabiting the same body. I don't know what is going to happen. It takes control some days. It tries to play me and acts like everything is fine, but it's not. If the wrong person gets a whiff of a hunch, I'm going to be locked in the nearest insanitorium."

"Then tell it to stop."

Damien's expression fell. "This is serious, Will."

"I am being serious. I don't care it if wants to see the world for itself. There has to be boundaries. Not while you're working, or any situation where you might be in danger if it loses its temper."

"Whatever it is, it's not human. It's still learning how our morals work."

"Tough! It needs to learn faster! It's not trapped in a house. There are rules! I don't know what you were thinking to put yourself in danger, but I'm not letting you struggle alone because some ghostly jackass doesn't have manners. I want you to be safe… Damien?" During William's rant, it seemed as though the lawyer had grown frustrated and actively chose to zone out. But when William put a hand to Damien's shoulder, the other man quickly snapped to awareness. The glow dulled to a cool grey.

"This isn't some form of symbiotic relationship. We aren't roommates sharing a house. Damien is in denial about that." Hearing Damien speak with a lower tone sent a cold chill down William's spine. He was certain this must be the 'ghost' that the deal was made with. "Our beings will combine until neither of us exist, yet both of us remain."

"So you are trying to hurt him?"

"That is what you gather from this? He freed me from that suffocating prison and granted me liberty that I only thought possible through inflicting pain and suffering. I would be a fool to repay that generosity with pain. This ordeal has been more taxing than he cares to admit; and with no one to confide in, I was forced to play his part to try and draw suspicion from anything being wrong. I'm still learning about him and am keenly aware my impressions were poorly." At least it had enough sense to admit the shortcomings of the possessions. "I don't yet understand what he sees in you that compels him to trust you over his own family, but I do acknowledge that your presence might delay the inevitable as it will allow him to properly talk to someone."

"The inevitable…" William slumped into the couch. His glasses were removed as he let out a heavy sigh. "Is he dying? Is he going to simply…. Not exist one day?"

"I do not know. I imagine it will be a gradual process. Neither of us will realise it is happening until one day there will no longer be an ability to 'swap'. This process normally happens with the deceased. That, from my understanding, would leave me in full control, though I would be influenced by the energy of the deceased host. With a living cohabitant, however, my prediction is that it will be a better balance of who we both are. Or, for your reference, a Damien who might have a sharper temper or a different view of the world than he used to. I cannot see why this is so distressing to you." The being turned its head to take in the sight of William attempting to comprehend the news. Fingers pinched the bridge of his nose as he tried to control his breathing. But when the being looked harder, it could see a tear slipping out from under the Colonel's hand. At the same time, it felt something twist its gut.

"... Ah." A soft indication of realisation escaped the being's lips. "You are the man he's in love with. That certainly puts everything into perspective. Then allow me to provide reassurance that it will not be a case that we will wake one day as someone new. I apologise if that was how you interpreted my words. His feelings for you won't change. Now that I know who you are, I can feel a fluttering sensation in my chest that I know is from him. I promise you, your partner will not be in harm's way so long as I am able to assist in his protection. I am indebted to his kindness and for allowing me a chance to feel hope for the first time in many years."

"Thank you." William returned his glasses to their rightful spot. A shaky breath was taken to try and calm his nerves. "It's taken us years to even get to this stage in our relationship. We've been dancing around this before Mark and Celine even started dating. I didn't want to lose him because some spooky asshole took advantage of his good heart. I would have fought you."

"You would have lost." The being's lips tugged in amusement.

"Poppycock! I've over a decade of military and combat experience!"

"And I am a being who holds mastery over distortion, shadows and illusions."

"And I guess you have Damien's cute looks as an extra defense mechanism. I wouldn't punch him. But you better make sure no one else does."

"You have my word." The being put a hand to its chest and nodded its head. "I should let Damien regain control. I think he has sufficiently calmed down."

"I would like to spend time with him tonight, yes. But, ah, before you go… Do you have a name? I'm calling you Spooky McGee otherwise."

The being snorted. "Damien has been referring to us as 'Dark' ever since the glow began. I would rather that over whatever that awful name was. You will need to be the grounding force for -" Dark was cut off as a hand with a blue glow shot out to take William's and grip it tightly. Dark paused for a moment to register what just happened, only to laugh and mutter "Alright, alright, I get it."

The blue around the hand rippled until the entire body had that same glow and Damien was throwing himself into William's arms. The glow was the only source of light as the couple embraced.