#also there's only so much in-universe content that's coming to mind and i don't want to unnecessarily drag shit out

[twoturtlesinabathtub]

just realized I only have 3 more chapters until my Ghostfield fic is complete....what do I DO with myself once I've finished posting it write Weskennedy obviously 😭

[shurisasthmaticgf]

the curls are curling: lando norris x black social media influencer fem! reader

summary: the secret behind why his curls have been consistently looking perfect is revealed.

authors note: i am still very new to formula one so please don't jump me if there is some slight inaccuracies. i did my best to look things up if i wasn't sure about them. this fic isn't based off of any grand prix in particular either. also, this is a work of fiction meaning it's not REAL so please remember that as well! constructive feedback is heavily encouraged and very appreciated 🫶🏽

heat pooled through the open windows of the house as you ran around to try and get yourself ready for the long day ahead. you woke up an hour ago to give yourself two hours to get ready because today was a race weekend. usually, you only needed about an hour to get you and your boyfriend out the door but today you'd gotten up earlier to film a vlog.

the whole social media influencer thing was still fairly new for you, only having started to consistently vlog and post a few months ago. before you'd started dating lando you were posting here and there about your day to day as a university student and intern for a large company in the city. every so often one of your videos got a couple hundred thousand views but you didn't really mind that your other content only got a few likes...that was just how tiktok's algorithm worked.

once you graduated from university and your internship ended you didn't have much to vlog about until you decided to film a race weekend and post it. what you didn't expect was the video to get millions of views and likes overnight. a massive influx of fans followed but you didn't really pay too much mind to the number, this was just something you liked to do and people also liked to watch. with time you ended up opening a youtube channel where you posted longer vlogs and other videos, and tiktok became a place where you posted 1-3 minute clips of your longer videos. one thing you never really did was center your entire vlog around your boyfriend. sure, lando was the entire reason you ended up at races but you were also your own person...that and lando was oddly camera shy when it came to your vlogs so he often wanted you to edit him out if he happened to end up in the frame.

which is how you ended up in your bedroom with your tripod pointed the camera directly at you. you smiled widely, hoping that it masked the fact that you were nearly half asleep, "good morning everyone! it's race day and i'm gonna be taking you along with me. everyone's been asking for a longer race day vlog so i'm here to give you all what you want. first lets get into the fit- these pajamas were sent to me from Brooks Avenue, if you like them you can use the code Y/N for a little discount on your purchase!" you backed up to show off your pink and green pajamas that would have definitely cost an arm an a leg if they hadn't come in a PR package. the matching pink and green satin bonnet on your head slowly slipped down your forehead leaving you to push it back up with an annoyed huff. you explained to the camera once more, "okay and first i'm gonna brush my teeth then do my skincare routine...he's in the shower right now so the lens might get fogged up, sorry in advance." you knocked on the bathroom door to let your boyfriend know you were coming in before pulling your skincare products out of your travel bag. quickly you brushed your teeth with until you felt like you'd gotten rid of every trace of morning breath.

just as you finished your skincare routine, the shower turned off and you slipped out of the bathroom. while lando finished in the bathroom you sat back down at the vanity and situated the camera back in front of you. slowly you slipped the bonnet from your head and untied the silk scarf under it, letting the large twists in your hair fall against your shoulders. to the camera you explained, "it's gonna be really hot today so i'm just gonna pull the twists back with a ribbon and call it a day i think." you pulled a jar of edge control and a brush from your bag and began styling your baby hairs, effortlessly into swirls and swoops. a laugh fell past your lips as you admitted, "honestly the only reason i still do this is so my forehead looks slightly less...megamind-esque in pictures." when you finished you tied another scarf messily around your hairline and began gathering your twists into a ponytail to secure it with a holder and ribbon.

the bathroom door opened and lando walked back into your room, fully dressed but his button down left wide open exposing his bare torso. in his hands he held a blow dryer and two bottles, one leave in conditioner and a gel you'd bought for him a few weeks ago. you finished tying the bow around your ponytail then took the two bottles from him and plugged the blow dryer into the wall. a hand gently pulled on your hand and you looked up to see sleepy smile grace his lips, "good morning, beautiful." you drew closer to him, wrapping your arms around his neck and letting him pull you in by the waist. his head nuzzled into your shoulder as your hand found the back of his head, stroking his hair softly with your fingers you murmured, "hi baby." you could feel the shy smile he wore against your shoulder until you pulled away from him. you pulled a robe from the back of the door and told him, "put this on." he knew most of the reason was so he didn't stain his shirt with hair products but another part of it had to be the fact that his shirt was wide open.

lando sat in front of the camera and you laughed at how awkward he looked compared to normal. you prompted, "baby, say hi to everyone. they ask for you all the time." he stiffly waved a hand in front of the camera and you sighed, "i don't know why you act so funny around my camera but everyone else it's fine." he mumbled a soft, "because it's you..." but only the mic on the camera caught it. he sat on the bench in front of you and slightly leaned back into your body before letting his eyes flutter shut.

meanwhile you showed the leave in conditioner to the camera, "this is the kinky curly knot today leave in-" despite his eyes being shut lando let out a small laugh and you asked, "what?" he mumbled cheekily, "kinky." you let out a exasperated sigh, "oh god you're like a child...anyways i was saying, i put a little of this in his hair but not too much just a tiny amount to add moisture." squeezing the leave in conditioner into your palm then applying it to his hair you hummed along to a sza song that ran through your head. the gentle work of your fingers running along his scalp nearly lulled lando back to sleep. you worked through his hair with a practiced ease, adding product and coaxing the curls atop his head to take perfect shape. not wanting to disturb his peace, you silently showed the matching brand's curling custard and then applied that lightly to his hair. once you'd finished you turned on the blow dryer, accidentally jump scaring your boyfriend under you. a soft melodic laugh fell past your lips and one hand fell to his shoulder before you leant down and pressed a gentle kiss to his cheek, "my bad babe." the camera didn't miss the way he leaned into your touch, pushing his cheek closer to you with his shoulders dropping further in relaxation.

not even half an hour later you were done and the light brown curls on his head were perfectly defined. you wiped your hands on the hand towel you'd slung over your shoulder earlier and laughed when you realized your boyfriend literally fell asleep. you gently cupped under his chin and pressed another kiss to his cheek. just above a whisper you mumbled, "all done, bubs. " he opened his eyes and smiled while you mused, “my pretty boy.” his cheeks flushed slightly, “thank you” and you brushed a few curls into place before looking at his reflection, "of course." he stood up and pulled you out of the frame to gave you a quick kiss before going downstairs where you'd meet him when you finished getting dressed.

the white and navy blue floral sundress you wore was both nice and simple enough to wear for today. simple gold jewelry and a pair of white sandals finished off your look and you grabbed the camera to show your reflection in the full length mirror on the wall, "all dressed so i'm gonna go meet lando downstairs and i'll see you all a little bit later!" you stopped recording and went downstairs to find your boyfriend sitting and ready to go, his cheeks burning pink when he laid eyes on you. a subtle fluttering erupted in your stomach at the familiar gaze, the one that made you feel like the only girl in the world.

*extra*

you scrolled through your social media accounts, something you never really did if you didn't have to. the first thing that came to your attention was the flood of pictures and comments that were about your boyfriend's hair. for the past few races you'd been doing his hair and more and more fans were noticing it looked better than normal. honestly, you found it amusing that people were bringing it up and so much at that, so you decided to add to the conversation just a bit:

fans reactions to recent vlog upload:

[lxkeee]

I absolutely love your writing!! And don't get me wrong, I love Lucifer, but they way you write Azreal and the Eveningstar family lives in my head 24/7. The AU where reader ends up with Azrael is my absolute fav to come back to, along with the main series it stemmed from. I'd love to see more content of him in general. I've been driving myself crazy imaging a part 2 to the AU with Lucifer wanting to reconnect with reader and having this family unit with them, only to realize that he lost them completely when he fell and that they've moved one and found happiness without him. Very hurt/no comfort for Luci while reader finally experiences a returned unconditional love with Azrael.

TWO SIDES OF THE SAME COIN

—ALTERNATIVE UNIVERSE

Pairing: Azrael Eveningstar x Seraphim Angel! Reader

Genre: angst

Warnings: hurt and no comfort for our short king

Notes: an alternate universe where [y/n]'s family is complete, Xavier doesn't have any daddy issues nor has any hatred for Charlie as he doesn't give any crap about her and Lucifer (well, he did at some point but forgave them), where it was simply the wrong person and wrong time. Where it was Azrael who is endgame. This isn't canon to the fanfic storyline, simply an au.

Additional notes: I LOVE IT WHEN READERS WANT MORE AZRAEL CONTENT OMG

CH. 1 | CH. 4 | NAVIGATION

They finally have done it. Hazbin Hotel is finally booming in business, many sinners are finally checking in and giving redemption a try.

Though, Lucifer cannot help but be nervous. Heaven or specifically, the Seven Virtues requested a meeting with him and his daughter and along with Vaggie, they wanted to talk about the hotel and also about his punishment.

Why wouldn't he be nervous? The last time he was in a meeting with them, they absolutely crushed his hopes and dreams and to add to the fact that his first wife, now ex-wife is part of the organization.

Lucifer doesn't know how to handle it, he's afraid of how he'll act once he sees her and the fact that Charlie told him about his son that he left her with. Absolute guilt.

He misses her, he misses [y/n] so much and he regrets how he treated her. He neglected her, abandoned her and their son. Even after all these years, his heart still longed for her.

“Dad? You okay?” Charlie asked worriedly, holding her bag. Currently, they are waiting for the portal to heaven to open for their meeting tomorrow. She noticed that her dad seems to be in deep thought, she knows what's plaguing his mind—meeting his ex-wife again and seeing his son for the first time. She too is nervous about what will happen when that moment comes.

“The portal seems to be taking a long time to open.” Angel Dust snickered and Vaggie elbowed him on the side, somehow both Alastor, Niffty, and Angel Dust wanted to join them. Leaving the hotel underneath [f/n]'s care, another overlord who joined the hotel.

“You're really complaining when you're not even invited,” Vaggie muttered before turning to look at Alastor, “I am even surprised that even you also decided to join us, how come?” Vaggie deadpans at Alastor and the taller demon just laugh, radio static filling the air, “Myyy~! I am merely curious what the heavenly realms looked like. Nothing more~” He grins, quite mischievously. Vaggie narrowed her eyes at the radio demon.

Lucifer sighs and shakes his head and gives Charlie a small reassuring smile, “I'll be fine, I'm just a little... Nervous.” he admits softly and Charlie nodded in understanding, placing a hand over her father's shoulder. She understands him, she too is nervous in seeing her half brother. Last time she saw him, he was giving her judgmental looks.

“I'm sure we'll be fine... Maybe this will be your chance to reconnect with them?” Charlie suggested, hopeful that somehow the two families can find a neutral area to get along with each other. After all, she always wanted an older sibling or siblings in general. She hopes that she and Xavier can get along.

Lucifer smiled, he too is hoping that this meeting will be fruitful and won't go so horribly.

A golden portal opened in front of them and they looked at each other, nodding as they finally took a step inside.

Heaven, is very bright compared to hell. Too much white, gold, and blues.

The crew looked at Lucifer, urging him to take the lead as he did come from here. Lucifer sighs, despite the nervousness, he decides to approach the pearly white gates of heaven. Standing in front of the counter of Saint Peter. The others are following him.

“Welcome to heaven, can I get your names please?” Saint Peter asked, opening his book. Lucifer sighs, twiddling his thumbs nervously.

“Lucifer... Morningstar...” Lucifer says, almost a whisper. Cringing slightly as he watched the Saint slam his book close, “Oh... Fuck!” Saint Peter exclaimed with a nervous chuckle.

“Um... I wasn't aware that you will be visiting today...” the Saint said with an awkward chuckle, Angel Dust just smirked while Alastor just grins, clearly interested in what heaven has to offer.

Charlie stood nervously beside Lucifer, unsure what to do next.

“Saint Peter, please grant them access. They are here for an important meeting.” a young masculine voice says, surprising the hell citizens. Turning to look at the gate and their eyes widened to see an almost exact replica of Lucifer—except for the eyes and height.

Lucifer's eyes widened and Charlie can be seen to become more nervous as the young man approached their group.

Saint Peter eyes widened, not expecting to see the young general today. “R-right. Please, come in.. heaven officially welcomes you.” Saint Peter says, opening the gates wider for the group.

Lucifer couldn't think, his ears ringing as he looked at the newcomer. Lucifer examined the angel's appearance—an almost exact replica of him and of course, he knows those eyes very well. The same [e/c] eyes his ex-wife has. The angel wearing a white military-ish uniform with gold shoulder pads, elbow length black leather gloves and knee high leather black heeled boots.

Charlie gave his hand a gentle squeeze in assurance, he squeezed it back, grateful for her support.

Alastor grins, not expecting a twist in the scenario.

The young man turned to look at them with a gentle smile, “Greetings, I am Xavier. I am tasked with showing you guys where you will stay for tonight.” Xavier says.

Xavier looked at his obvious half family from hell, before, he had anger for them but because of his mother's influence, he was able to manage his anger on them. But it doesn't mean he'll accept Lucifer and Charlotte his family, he already has his own family in heaven. He doesn't need them.

“Please follow me and keep up.” Xavier says, almost emotionless. It's a habit of his, it might come off as rude or cold to people he just met but he doesn't care. His mother is the angel of kindness, he needs to inherit her kindness instead of his father's pride.

The hell citizens just looked at him with slight nervousness—aside from the smiling one—before eventually following him.

Lucifer just stared at the back of Xavier's head, the golden halo shining brightly against his light blonde hair. He wanted to speak to him but words wouldn't come out of his mouth. He just follows in silence, his demon kind just looking at him in worry—except Alastor, who just gave him a teasing grin.

They followed him, it took a while but they finally arrived at their destination. A large white mansion with black and gold accents, surrounded by fluffy white clouds and trees. Sunflower and tulip fields decorating the front garden. [Y/n]'s favorite flowers.

“This is where you'll be staying so please, come inside.” Xavier says, the gates to the large mansion opening for them.

They admired the scenery, it is completely different from hell. Clean and tidy. Almost blinding to the eye.

They finally arrived inside the large mansion, completely in awe with its exterior and interior designs.

“Don't worry about the palace being too crowded, it's just me and my family living here.” Xavier explained, ushering them to follow him. Walking towards the supposed living room, they weren't able to see the large family portrait on the wall as it was mounted on a wall that they couldn't see.

“I am surprised we're staying somewhere luxurious this time unlike last time. How come?” Charlie asked and Xavier gave her a raised eyebrow before sighing.

“The guest rooms are currently full while waiting for new buildings to be created for the new souls. The seven thought it would be a good idea if one of them houses you guys.” Xavier shrugs before continuing to tour them around. Angel whistling in admiration.

“And this will be your room.” Xavier says as he showed Lucifer his room. The others are already settled in.

“Thank you.” Lucifer says, almost a whisper as he went inside the large luxurious room. Xavier nodded as he stood at the doorway.

“It's nothing, I'll get going now and if you need me, I'll be in the living room.” Xavier says before turning around to leave.

“Wait!”

Lucifer doesn't know what he was thinking, he just acted out on impulse. Xavier stopped, turning around to look at him with a raised eyebrow.

“What is it?” Xavier asked, looking down on him. Mom, why is he so small? He thought.

Lucifer gulped, clearly nervous, “Are you... My...?” he couldn't get all the words out as his ears were ringing.

“Son?” Xavier completed, crossing his arms to look at his blood father, “Yes.” he says flatly and Lucifer's breath hitched.

Xavier sighs, already done with this, “Look, I am going to be straight with you dear father of mine.” Xavier says flatly, Lucifer looking at the taller boy in front of him.

“Just because you're my blood father doesn't mean I want you back in my life, whatever you're trying to do. I don't welcome it. I couldn't care less about you or my half sister. Do you understand? So, stop. Don't give me and my family a hard time. You've done enough damage already.” Xavier says coldly, catching Lucifer off guard. The fallen angel's heart shattered at the boy's harshness.

“Excuse me, I still have work to do.” Xavier says as he quickly walked away. Lucifer nodded, almost robotic. He went inside the guestroom and cried.

Lucifer doesn't blame Xavier for acting that way. After all, he's a horrible husband and father to [y/n] and Xavier.

Dinner was oddly awkward, a tension between the three blood relatives. Xavier didn't join them, opting to only have a drink instead.

“Aren't you going to eat?” Charlie asked hesitantly as she sat beside her dad, Xavier didn't bother looking up from his golden holographic screen that came from his wrist watch, his other hand typing into the hair and into the hologram.

“I'll eat later.” Xavier answers nonchalantly, they can clearly see him texting his mom.

M: Don't be too harsh on them sunshine.

X: I'm trying.

D: Well you better try harder, kiddo.

X: 🙄

X: What time will you come home?

D: Late as usual.

M: Indeed, there are still many things to finish but your father and I will make it quick to join you for dinner.

X: Alright, stay safe.

D: Love you, kiddo. Goodluck lol.

M: We will, sunshine. Love you<3

X: love you guys too.

Xavier was grinning slightly as he texted some people, Lucifer assumed it was [y/n] and somebody else he doesn't know of.

Lucifer avoided Xavier after that, clearly heartbroken. Lucifer assumes the D and M profiles meant Mom and Dad and Lucifer assumed that [y/n] remarried and he can clearly see how happy Xavier is talking to them.

To shorten this all up, the meeting went smoothly. The Seven Virtues promised to fund the hotel and also asked for Lucifer's forgiveness for how harsh they treated him. Heaven took back his punishment and he can freely visit heaven anytime. Lucifer was able to find out that Azrael married [y/n] and she's happily married to the man. Though, she doesn't hate him and forgave him but she did make it clear that she doesn't want him back to her life and so did Xavier and Lucifer respected their wishes.

Finally returning back to hell, Lucifer was extremely heartbroken. He lost before he even got to start. But part of him is glad that [y/n] found a better man than him, someone who treats her better than him.

End notes: I got a little lazy at the end lmao.

TAGLIST:

[peachsukii]

unbreakable bonds ꒰ no quirks au | childhood friends | friends to lovers ꒱ ⇢ a collective of family bonding and little moments between you and katsuki.

『♡』  k.bakugo x fem!reader ꒰ tags & content ꒱ emotional hurt/comfort, fluff, tooth-rotting fluff, happiness all around ⋆ ˚ʚɞ — just wanted to write something sickly sweet and it’s been sitting in my drafts forever. reader has a little sister that helps bond the two of you together over the years. cross posted to ao3 | word count; 3.3k -`✧ katsuki bakugo masterlist

You were too young - a little over three - to understand the day your mom brought home your little sister. You'd been secretly asking the universe for a sibling, someone to share everything with. Ask and you shall receive! But, you never knew just how much she would shape your life into what it is today.

The Kingdom - Elementary School

Fourth grade is when you and Katsuki started to play after school together on a daily basis. Him and Izuku would come by and grab snacks from your mom while you went back to the park around the corner, playing pirates and super heroes with the other neighborhood kids. Every so often, your mom would ask for you to bring your sister along. You never minded, even though she was your baby sister in first grade. The boys would pick on her - lovingly, of course - to make her feel included with the rest of the pack. She loved being around you, cooing and giggling away as she'd hold your hand and squeal with delight.

One day at the park, she'd declared herself to be queen of the castle as she stood on the slide, proudly puffing out her chest with her hands on her hips.

"I am the queen, and what I say goes!" she pointed to you and Katsuki. "Sissy will be the princess and you will be our royal guard, Katsu!"

You chuckle. "Isn't the older sister supposed to be queen?"

She does her best impression of a royal laugh, projecting her voice theatrically. "Not in my land! It's my kingdom and if you don't like it, I'll send you to the brig!"

"You're confusin' pirates 'n princesses again,” Katsuki taunts playfully.

She stomps her foot on the slide. “Silence in my kingdom! Izu will be my knight!”

Katsuki pouts. “Hey! Why don’t I get to be the knight?!’

“Cause I say so! You’re the royal guard cause you’re tough. Izu is the knight because he’s brave!”

You can’t help but let out a loud ‘hah!’ at her comment. Your sister never failed to push Katsuki in the cutest ways - he probably was thankful to be an only child whenever you guys would go home for the day.

Katsuki huffs at her declaration, taking the challenge with stride. “Fine! I’ll show you who’s tough and be the best dang guard in the whole world.”

“Do I get a cool set of armor, queen?” Izuku asks, bouncing up and down at the bottom of the slide.

“Of course! Only the best armor and ponies for my royal kingdom.”

She sits and pushes herself down the metal slide, rocketing off the edge past Izuku and barreling toward Katsuki. She trucks into him at full force - but, being small, that force isn’t much for him to withstand.

“What the heck was that for?!” he yells while catching her before she hits the wood chips.

“A test of your toughness, Katsu! And you passed! You’re deserving of a spot in my kingdom,” she giggles, mashing his cheeks together with her tiny palms. He protests her closeness and tries to fight her off, setting her feet back on the ground while she’s wiggling in his hold. Watching the two of them act like siblings themselves always made you feel so warm and fuzzy inside, knowing your two closest friends also adored your sister as much as you did.

You meander over to grab her from him. “Alright, I think you made your point, queen. Your guard and knight have other duties to get to.”

She waves goodbye to the boys over her shoulder as the two of you stroll home for dinner. She gleefully remarks how cool they are and that she can’t wait to marry them someday.

You can’t help but giggle at the thought. “Both of them? Wow, all to yourself, huh?”

She pouts and whips her head upward. “No, sissy! We both get one!”

”Oh yeah? Because you’re the queen of the kingdom, you get to pick?”

“That’s right! They’ll have to fight to see who gets to pick you!”

You roll your eyes, shaking your head at the thought. You’re only ten years old, the thought of boys fighting over you was hilarious.

”Promise not to tell Izu, but I think Katsu would win that fight,” she whispers, tugging on your hand to get you to lean over closer to her face. “He’s taller and faster!”

The thought of marrying Katsuki flashes in your mind - you have zero clue what that even looks like, but you imagine him bringing you flowers on the playground or giving you a bite of his ice cream. A blush creeps over your cheeks and nose at the thought. Your sister catches your reaction and gasps dramatically.

“You like Katsu?!” she exclaims.

You shush her. “No! Don’t go yelling that!”

That’s a big fat lie. You liked him a lot, he was your favorite person, but you’re kids.

It’s just a harmless crush.

───

An Enchanted Afternoon - Elementary School

A week later, the four of you returned to the playground after school. Snacks from your pantry in hand, the bunch of you sit on the swing set to eat. Your sister seemed extremely eager today, more so than usual. Once you all finished eating, she demanded your attention.

"Gather 'round! Your queen summons you," she declares, arms raised above her head. You and the boys huddle around her.

"Katsu, go fetch flowers!" she orders as she points to a nearby patch of grass. "Zuzu, clear out the sandbox of any villagers."

There wasn't anyone else here today, so that job was easily done. Izuku doesn't say anything and smiles as he heads over to the sandbox as ordered. Katsuki is confused, nose scrunched and arms crossed.

"Why do I need to get flowers?" he asks, tapping his foot in the wood chips.

"Do you dare defy your queen?!" she shouts, grinning wickedly. He obliges, sauntering over to the grass to find a few spare daisies.

"What's all this for?" you ask, genuinely curious to her plans. She doesn’t answer you as she grabs you by the wrist, dragging you over to the sandbox.

A few minutes later, Katsuki comes back with a handful of daisies, picked and pruned clean of any dirt and weeds. Izuku stands on the edge of the sandbox patiently.

”Perfect! Katsu, Sissy, please approach your queen.”

You play along and stand in front of her with Katsuki. It’s amusing how small she is in comparison to the two of you, easily shadowing over her figure.

“With my knight as witness, I give the blessing to the princess and royal guard to be married forever!” she exclaims, waving her hands around to mimic casting a magic spell.

You're pretty sure she got that line from a princess movie, but that doesn't make the sentiment any less adorable. You begin to chuckle to yourself, smiling ear to ear before turning toward Katsuki. You're expecting him to be disgusted, repulsed by something so sickly sweet, but are shocked to see him standing with the flowers outstretched in your direction. He's biting his bottom lip and avoiding eye contact by staring directly at your feet.

"H-here," he whispers meekly, pushing the flowers into your hands. You've never seen him so shy before - that's usually Izuku's demeanor. His unexpected affection makes your little heart flutter in your chest.

"Thank you 'Suki," is all you can muster up the courage to say, your mind running blank on the right thing to say. It's just an imaginary scenario...It's not real, not like you're actually marrying him. Katsuki exhales, turning his back to you to hide his strawberry colored cheeks.

"Now you're together forever!" you sister raves, dancing on her tip toes with satisfaction.

Maybe that was the moment she bound you two together with some unknown magical force, or it was a mere coincidence. The sappy part of your young brain believed in fairytales and chose to believe she was weaving your golden string to him, binding you two for life.

───

Leftovers - Middle School

”Yo, brats! Come eat already so I can get the hell outta here,” Katsuki called from your doorway. He’d come by with leftovers from his mom for you and your sister, since your own mom was working later that day. The two of you were still…friends? You weren’t sure. Being in seventh grade and all, he started acting like you weren’t cool enough for him. He did the same to Izuku, starting to ditch the two of you for other kids in class to hang out with at lunch or walk home with. Did it hurt your feelings? Absolutely. But you didn’t own him, he was allowed to have other friends, even if it did suck to see him less outside of class.

“Coming!” you called back, skipping down the hallway with your sister in tow. She happily ran into the entryway, hugging Katsuki by the waist. She was taller now, but still much smaller than him as a fourth grader.

“Hiya Katsu!” she gleamed up at him, rubbing her face against his uniform jacket.

He grunted, uncomfortable with her sudden affection and poking her in the forehead to release her grip. “Let go, squirt!”

He turned his attention to you as your sister finally let go of him. “Here, take these. I gotta get to practice.”

”Thank you! Tell your mom we said hi.”

“Yeah, whatever.”

You hand the containers to your sister as she wanders off to the table. Before Katsuki opens the door, you tap him on the shoulder.

“Hey, are you alright?”

He scoffs at your question. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You just seem distant lately. Wanna come by sometime for a movie marathon?” you ask, tilting your head and giving him a warm smile.

“We’re not kids anymore. Got better stuff to do.”

Ouch, that stung. Your smile fades away as you reply. “Well…I know. I just miss hanging out with you.”

“You have Deku an’ that other group of bitches you hang out with, ya don’t need me.” His harsh comment has notes of jealousy intertwined in his words. He goes to put his hand on the door again before you take a step forward to stop him.

“Kat, they’re not a replacement for you. You’ve got your own friends now, too since you’re on the soccer team. You’re saying we can’t hang out 'cause we have different friends?”

He glares at you before pushing past you and pulling on the front door.

“Hey!” your sister shouts from the dining area. “Katsu, that’s not nice. My royal guard doesn't act like that!” She’s always thought of Katsuki as a guard since your elementary school playground days.

“Cut the shit! We’re not kids anymore!” Katsuki rebuttals with a growl of frustration.

He makes eye contact with you. “We’ve grown apart, end of fuckin’ story. Get over it.”

He slams your front door closed and leaves you standing in the entryway, your eyes stinging from the urge to cry. You feel a small gust of wind rush by as your sister is sprinting to the door, throwing it open and running outside without shoes on.

“Hey!” She calls after Katsuki. “Get your butt back here, Katsu!”

He turns on his heel. “Hah?!”

She stomps on the ground, fists balled at her sides. “Apologize to her!”

Katsuki cackles, a little too manically. “For what, brat?”

“You’re being a mean jerk to her! She doesn’t deserve to be yelled at like that. Friends are friends forever, idiot!” she yells, her cheeks puffed and eyebrows scrunched together.

You can’t help but stifle a laugh at her calling Katsuki an idiot and turn your head to hide your amusement.

”That’s not who you are, Katsu. That’s not how you treat your princess!”

He pinches the bridge of his nose and screws his eyes shut in annoyance, exhaling dramatically. He locks his gaze on you, storming back up to the doorway. He roughly ruffles your sister’s hair as he passes by her as a pseudo apology. Katsuki sucks the air through his teeth and shoves his fists in his pockets as he stops in front of you.

“Look, ‘m sorry for yellin’, okay?” he sighs, kicking a foot against the pavement. “I'll come over Saturday, we’ll have that movie day ya wanted.”

"You don't need to if you feel forced to hang out with me." Your eyes shift to your feet to avoid looking at his reaction.

" 's fine. I'll be here at noon, don't pick anything lame."

With that, he turns to leave for a second time in silence. You watch him disappear around the corner and can't help but feel like a burden for asking him to make time for you. As if reading your mind, your sister shakes you out of the negative train of thought while walking back to the house.

“Don’t worry about him, he’s just being a dumb boy. That’s what my teacher says when boys are mean for no reason.” She grins a toothy smile up at you and grabs your hand. “Come on! Foods getting cold!”

Katsuki rounded the corner and waited to be out of sight before palming his face in anger. He had no idea why he said those things to you. None of it was true, especially that you’d grown apart. If anything, he was jealous of your friends and missed seeing you all the time. But he couldn’t bring himself to say so, like always. Ever since middle school started, he’d harbored some unknown rage inside of him that lashed out every chance it could. He hated it and didn’t know what to do to stop it - hence trying out for the soccer team, looking for an outlet for the pent up emotions in his body.

Katsuki secretly hoped you wouldn’t end up despising him for it. Even after all this time, he still thinks of you whenever he sees a patch of daisies.

Maybe one day he’d be brave enough to tell you about it.

───

Running Late - High School

The front door to your home opens as Katsuki slips inside, kicking his loafers off by the door. Your younger sister peaks over the kitchen counter while spreading jam over her toast and nods in his direction.

"Hey Katsu, pretty sure she's still asleep upstairs," she calls, rolling her eyes. "I tried to get her up three times, maybe you'll have better luck."

It was hard to believe that she was already in her freshmen year of high school - shit, it’s crazy that you and Katsuki were seniors. The age of playground days and summer adventures went by in the blink of an eye.

He makes his way to the kitchen island, leaning over to ruffle your sister’s hair - some things never change.

"Thanks, bean. I'll get her ass movin’."

“Stooop! You’ll mess up my hair!” She whines as she pulls away, fixing a few stray pieces of her fluffy mane.

“Ya look fine, don’t sweat it,” he compliments while heading for the staircase. He makes his way to your bedroom on the second floor. The door is surprisingly cracked open - he taps on the doorframe to grab your attention.

“Come in,” you call, lying on your bed facing the wall above the covers while scrolling on your phone. You presume it’s your sister until a soft kiss is planted on your cheek.

“Mornin’ sweets,” Katsuki whispers, rubbing your shoulder to turn you to face him. He sits on the edge of your bed beside you. “You wanna be late for our last first day of high school?”

You shift to sit up and drop your phone to your bed, reaching to cradle his face in your hands.

“No, I just wanted to steal a few kisses first,” you mumble as your lips quietly meet his. Katsuki places one hand on your cheek while the other lightly grazes your back. After a few moments, the two of you part with a soft smack. You stand and straighten up your uniform skirt, flattening a few of the panels to work out any stray creases.

“Do I look okay?” You ask, spinning around for Katsuki and showing off your uniform. Your hair was pulled into a pretty ponytail with a few pieces framing your face. The only make up you had on was some lip gloss - you valued sleeping in over doing a minimalist makeup look today.

“Y’always look good,” he sighs, standing to his feet. “Let’s get movin’ before bean suspects somethin’.”

You hadn’t told your sister about your relationship with Katsuki. Sure, you guys had been friends since you were children and he’s always around…how would she know the difference?

The two of you patter down the hallway and skip down the stairs to the kitchen. Your sister is waiting for the two of you, arms crossed and tapping one foot impatiently.

“Finally! Get your damn shoes on,” she orders while pushing you toward the door. She does a double take at Katsuki while you’re putting on your shoes, raising an eyebrow at him.

“Katsu…are you wearing lipgloss?”

Oops.

Katsuki’s searching for something to say as his face glows scarlet. He puts a hand on the back of his neck and turns away, grumbling while attempting to hide his embarrassment.

“Oh come on, you two. I knew you guys started dating months ago. You think I didn’t notice?”

You spin around to face her, cheeks puffed and eyebrows scrunched. “You never said anything?!”

She laughs, walking up to Katsuki and placing a hand on his shoulder.

“If you ever hurt her, Katsuki, I’ll knock your lights out. I know where you sleep,” she threatens, grinning mischievously. Katsuki pulls her into a headlock, ruffling her hair a second time.

“Deal, but I plan on stayin’ alive.” He lets her go, chuckling as he smooths out the pieces of hair he messed with.

Seeing the two of them get along never fails to make your heart swell with joy. Katsuki has always treated her like his own sister - one that he could easily give back at the end of every day, anyways.

She turns with a huff with her hands in the air.

“You both have my blessing, you should know that. I didn’t marry you two in a sandbox for nothing!”

───

Today Was A Fairytale - Current Day

“It’s an honor to be doing this for a second time. You’re in luck, my vocabulary has grown exponentially since our sandbox days.”

There’s a wave of laughter through the crowd at your sister’s lighthearted joke. You can’t help but smile as Katsuki’s fingers dance across the back of your hand to regather your attention.

God, he looks so damn handsome in that tux. His usual wild hair is slicked back and tamed - an extremely rare sight. Carmine eyes stare back at you, full of devotion and excitement for this next chapter in your fairytale.

“By the power vested in me, and these people as my witness, I pronounce you two as king and queen of the kingdom!”

Friends and family alike cheer and whistle as you and Katsuki intertwine, kissing each other for the first time as husband and wife. He spins you around and dips you low, kissing the tip of your nose playfully.

“I love you,” he mouths, a silent profession of adoration - reserved just for you.

The two of you strut down the aisle to the dance floor in the reception hall, the DJ already queuing the first dance song. Katsuki gently tugs you by the waist, pulling you closer to him as he begins to sway side to side when the music begins to fill the room. You rest your head against his chest and get lost in the moment.

Right now, the world belongs to the two of you. Every worry, struggle, and hardship is stripped away from your lives to give you the peace you deserve.

There’s one thought that lingers in your mind as you catch a glimpse of your teary-eyed sister watching you from the corner of the dance floor, latched onto Izuku’s arm for support.

She tied that golden string with an unbreakable knot.

tags 💥 @slayfics @maddietries @queenpiranhadon

[sweetbans29]

Milkshakes - CC

Pairing: Caitlin Clark x Reader

Should Have Been Me

Summary: 3 times you and Caitlin get milkshakes and once when she's just missing you, AKA the prequel to Should Have Been Me (based on THIS request)

Warnings: fluff, last part is angst but is also really sweet

Word Count: 3.5k

Sweetbans Masterlist

AN: I hope this helps heal what was broken in Should Have Been Me

one. midnight talks.

Your dreams are coming true.

Caitlin and you just graduated high school and are on your way to the University of Iowa. Both of you had made the women's basketball team and were ready to start a new chapter together. And in the frenzy and excitement of graduation, the two of you found yourselves sitting in your favorite diner.

You are sitting across from your favorite girl, sipping milkshakes as the two of you talk about anything and everything.

"Do you think the team is going to like us?" You ask as you take a sip of your milkshake.

"They are going to love you," Caitlin responds. "I haven't met a single person who doesn't love you."

Her hand comes across the table to hold yours. If it was up to her, you would be sitting on her side of the booth so she could cuddle into your side. If anyone were to ask, she was 100% a physical touch girl. Some part of her was always on you at all times. There was just something about your warmth that she had been drawn to.

It had been like that since you could remember. Even before you were dating she would be right next to you. It became extremely helpful when she would get overworked during games, even if you couldn't see it. She has always had a big mouth on the court but when she was around you, it would tame her enough to just flirt with a technical instead of receiving one every other game.

When the two of you were growing up you would have sleepovers. You would always wake up with Caitlin curled up by your side. Even when you put a pillow in between you to separate the two of you because of the heat or whatever the reason, she would find her way to you in the middle of the night usually resulting in you waking up in a sweat but you never minded.

The only time it ever really got to be too much was when you were out and about with people. There is one time, in particular, you could remember it being a distraction.

Your high school team decided to go watch the guy's team play in one of their playoff games. It was an away game and you had all piled into two cars, not wanting to deal with using more gas than necessary or having to find parking. You and Cait had driven to school together and then jumped into one of your friend's cars. She was saving a spot for you when another girl from the team jumped in and sat in the spot, leaving you to sit on the other side and away from her.

She was annoyed but knew it would be fine if she sat by you during the game.

When you all arrived at the game, Caitlin stood right next to you to make sure she would be sitting somewhere around you. And she was right, she sat right in front of you which she was happy about. This meant she could lean back into your legs while you played with her hair.

When she sat down she immediately leaned back and your legs welcomed her torso. She was content. Content for at least a whole five minutes until you began to tab her back.

"Can you sit up? My legs are falling asleep," you say and she reluctantly gets up and slumps her shoulder. When you noticed her shoulders you leaned in.

"Are you okay CC?" You ask, whispering into her ear.

She nods. You don't push it.

A few of your teammates mention they are going to go grab snacks and you join them. You get up and squeeze Caitlin's shoulder. Her hand comes up to hold yours for a quick second before you remove it from her which she wishes you didn't.

When you come back, you notice someone has taken your spot behind Caitlin so you find a seat a little further down with the girls you just came back with.

You feel eyes burning into you and turn to see your girlfriend's eyes staring into your soul. You give her a questioning look but she just crosses her arms and turns back towards the game.

You get back into the game and cheer on the team. They come out victorious and you could not be more excited. The team decides to head to grab a bit after, and Caitlin stays as far away from you as possible. It doesn't matter if it is internally tearing Caitlin apart - she is mad at you and wants to make that known.

When you finally get back to the school and get in your car with Caitlin, she sits in the front seat, arms crossed just like the game, and doesn't say a word to you.

"CC what's wrong?" You ask as you turn to her before even turning the car on.

"Nothing," she says and you know she is lying to you.

You reach over and touch her arm and she immediately flinches away from you, turning towards the window.

"Caity babe, look at me," you say now putting your hand on her favorite spot on her thigh. Her knee begins to tap.

Your other hand goes to rub her shoulder and neck - you are doing all of her favorite things and you both know it.

She sighs and the tension she was holding in releases. She turns to face you - arms still crossed.

"Use your words, love," you say as your thumb comes to rub her cheek.

"it's dumb," she says and lets out a 'hmph'.

"It's not it if has you feeling this annoyed," you remove your hands from her.

"No," she yelps and grabs your hands bringing them into her. It all clicked.

"Come here," you say and open your arms. She unbuckles and awkwardly maneuvers over your center console and into your lap. You have to admit it is not the most conventional and you realize that when her elbow hits your horn. You let out a laugh and she lets out a groan. You move your seat back as far as it will go and you wrap your arms around your girl.

Her head finds its place in your neck and you feel her relax into you.

"I'm sorry," you say as you rub one of her thighs. Her legs are lying across your center console and her feet are on your passenger seat.

"'S okay," she mutters into your neck. "Just like being close to you."

"I know, I should have known that," you say. You sit there for a few minutes before loosening your grip on your girl. "Ready to go home?"

"Will you spend the night?" Caitlin asks.

"Of course," you say and kiss the top of her head.

The two of you talk about what you both plan on expecting to experience as you head into college. You reassure her that the team will love her. It is not that she was worried per se, but it was a known fact that people naturally gravitated towards you over her.

"I wish we were roommates," she says. It had been about two weeks since finding out that the two of you would be in different rooms but were still in the same dorm. She has brought it up at least once since you found out.

"I think we will be okay," you say.

"But we aren't even on the same floor," she says dipping her finger in your milkshake.

"Hey!" You yell at her and pull your glass back. You offer her the excess of your shake that they brought you in the mental cup and automatically grab her excess. She complies with the trade.

"We will be okay. We will see each other the same that we see each other now, if not more," you say. "Plus, if you saw me 24/7 you would get annoyed with me."

"I would not," she says appalled that I would even think that.

"You would," you say knowingly.

"Would not."

"Would."

Would not."

"Would."

"Would not." You know you are not winning this.

"Agree to disagree," you say.

"Fine, but I wouldn't," she whispers and takes another sip.

"Don't push it, Clark," you warn. She throws her hands up in defeat.

The two of you finish your milkshakes as you both continue talking about how excited you are, including how you plan to continue doing some of your favorite things together. It is all just a matter of time.

two. i love you.

It was the summer before junior year of high school and you and Caitlin were heading home from practice for your club team, Attack. She was driving the two of you back to your house when you mentioned you wanted to stop to get milkshakes. She happily pulled over at your favorite local spot. Once the two of you had gotten your sweet treat, you sat in her car drinking milkshakes.

"I feel like we are single-handedly keeping this diner in business," you say as you take the first sip of your milkshake. "They literally get better every time."

"I can't imagine our lives without these," Caitlin says.

The diner was the first place the two of you went when you got your license. Caitlin was the first to get hers and you were only a few months behind. When Cait got hers, she begged her parents to let her take you to get milkshakes and after hours of bugging them, they finally said yes.

She drove to your house and picked you up to get milkshakes, the first time without one of your parents.

Since then, the two of you have been there multiple times a week. That is how you ended up there now.

"This will always be our place," she says and you sit there in thought. The two of you sit there drinking your sweet treat.

"Cait?" You ask as she is finishing her milkshake. She looks up at you.

You go silent again and are just staring directly at her dashboard. Caitlin looks at you until you finally turn to look back at her.

"This will always be our place," you say, repeating the words she just spoke to you. She smiles.

"Ya," she says.

"Just like I will always be yours," you say and Caitlin freezes.

"I love you," you say.

Up to this point, the two of you had both told each other you liked each other more than friends and started to explore what that looked like. You would say the two of you had been dating for the past couple of months - keeping it really low-key as you didn't know how the people around you would take it. But there was something about this moment, something about being together and just doing life together that helped you realize she is your everything.

She looks at you slightly shocked.

"You don't need to say it back!" You say, not wanting to pressure her. You just didn't want to go another day without telling her. "I just needed to tell you because, well, I do. I love you, Caitlin Clark."

A goofy little smile makes its way to her face and she pulls you in for a hug. It isn't the most comfortable considering you sitting in a car and have some piece of the center console pushing into your rib cage but you didn't mind.

"I love you," she whispers in your ear as she hugs you.

It was the first of many times the two of you would say those three words to each other.

three. firsts.

You were in first grade, the same as Caitlin. Your parents decided it would be a good idea to enroll the two of you into a summer basketball league which you didn't want to do but Caitlin had convinced you it would be fun. Caitlin's convincing was really just saying it would be fun. She was your best friend and you had no reason to not believe her so you agreed and your parents.

Your dad took the two of you to the first practice and he watched as the two of you outplayed everyone else on the court.

To be fair, Caitlin growing up with two brothers, and with her competitive nature, she had her dad teach the two of you the basics before the first practice. It served both of you well considering there was no girl team and the two of you were on the boy's team.

He watched as the two of you ran circles around the little boys and were already playing well with each other - it had him thinking that both of you had insanely bright futures. And that was not just because of your dad but the other dads came up to him and sparked up conversations on how good the two of you were.

After practice, the two of you come bouncing over to your dad with giant smiles on your faces, faces still red from running around but neither of you could be bothered by that.

"That was so fun!" You say and hug your dad.

"I told you it would be," Caitlin says in a matter-of-fact tone.

You roll your eyes at your best friend.

"I know what you told me," you say. "But you didn't say it was going to be like that."

"Well I didn't know it was going to be like that," she says.

"Okay, girls, it was more fun than both of you thought," your dad says as he grabs both of your backpacks from you.

You load into his car and are on the way home.

"Daddy," you yell from the back. "Can we get a treat?"

"Sure sweetie," he says and pulls into a diner on the side of the road.

"I've been here before!" Caitlin yells and gets excited.

"Do they have anything sweet?" You ask giving it a questioning look.

"They have the best sweet treat," she says. "Well except my mommy's cookies."

"Oooo your mommy's cookies are really good," you say remembering having one the last time you were at her house.

"Ya but they have milkshakes here," Caitlin says excitedly. She begins to run ahead when your dad calls out to her to not run in the parking lot. She comes right back to your side and holds your hand.

"Milkshake? What's that?" You ask as you swing your hands.

"Wait, you've never had a milkshake before?" Caitlin stops dead in her tracks and looks at you like you are crazy. You shake your head no. She then proceeds to pull you to the door like you couldn't wait any longer or you would die.

"You need one now!" Caitlin yells.

The three of you sit in a booth, you and Caitlin on one side with your dad on the other.

Caitlin picks out a chocolate milkshake for the two of you to share. As the two of you waited, Caitlin wouldn't stop talking about how it's going to be the best thing ever and that you will never be the same. She was hyping it up so much, she made it sound like it was the most magical thing in the world.

The waitress brings out the milkshake and places two straws on the table. Both of your little fingers work to unwrap the straws.

"Okay, you try it first," Caitlin says as she pushes the glass towards you. She looks at you with excited eyes.

You stick your straw in and take a sip. It doesn't hit your tongue immediately as your little hands come to hold the glass as you try sucking the liquid gold up with all your might.

Your eyes light up when you finally get a taste of it.

"WOW!" You yell.

"Right?" Caitlin says with a laugh and sticks her straw in. She struggles like you do to get the first sip.

"I could drink this every day until I die," you say. Your dad lets out a little laugh.

"Well this used to be just my thing," Caitlin says pulling her legs up to sit on her knees. "But since you like them too, this can be our thing now!" The excitement radiates off of her and mesmerizes you.

"Ya! It is our thing now!" You say as the two of you finish every last drop.

four. without you.

It has been 3 years since she had lost you. Two years without you.

It's the second anniversary of your passing and Caitlin has made her way back to your hometown. She is driving through the town you two grew up in, not really having a destination but reminiscing on when you were here with her.

The two you both grew up in held so many memories.

She drives past a park - your park.

In high school when you couldn't sleep you would make your way to this park. It wasn't super far from your house but became much easier to get to when you had your own car.

If you had stopped responding to Cait at night it would be one of two things. Either you had fallen asleep or clearing your mind at the park. She would always check your location. It would worry her if you were at the park alone. It never mattered how tired she was, if she saw your little dot not at home after 9pm, she would be up and heading to your location.

You are at the park, on the court. It wasn't uncommon for you to be there at this hour - your parents and Caitlin knew you would go when you had too many thoughts in your head.

You run through a few sequences when you hear footsteps approaching.

You grab your ball and turn towards your girl.

"Babe, you didn't have to come," you say knowing she would be there every time.

She gives you a 'you've got to be kidding me' look and you give her a shy smile. You walk up to her and she wraps her arms around you. Typically it would be you holding her - that's how she preferred it but whenever you found yourself at the park, you would also find yourself in her arms.

"I couldn't sleep," you say after a few minutes. She rubs your back.

"I know baby," she says.

"What if I don't get in, or make the team?" You ask separating from her.

"That is crazy," Cait says as she tries to get you to look into her eyes. "You are going to get in."

"But what if I don't," you say, not able to look into her eyes.

Her hands come to cup your face.

"Look at me, please," she whispers. You slowly bring your eyes to hers. Tears threaten to fall.

"You are getting in and we will be playing college ball together and than we will get drafted to the W. That might not be together but that is okay, I have no doubt that we will end up together again. I will make sure of it," Caitlin says.

You believe her because your heart can't bear the thought of anything else.

Leaning in, you rest your forehead on hers.

"I love you so much," you say and kiss her.

Caitlin brings her fingers to touch her lips. She misses the way your lips mold perfectly to hers.

She keeps driving, finally pulling into an old rundown parking lot. She parks her car and sits there.

She grabs something from the passenger seat and holds it up to her chest, giving it a hug. It's the stuffed bear the two of you made on your anniversary all those years back.

As she hugs the bear, her hand finds the chain around her neck that holds the ring you never got the chance to give her yourself. She fights the tears but fails.

She looks up at the abandoned restaurant, void of light and life, sort of how she feels now.

There have been a lot of highs in the past few years but with the highs came the lows. She was incredibly thankful that Colin moved to Indiana with her because she would not have done on her own. She thought about you every day.

She stares off into the space as she thinks about you.

She hasn't been able to stomach the thought of drinking a milkshake without you and hasn't had one since. It didn't feel right.

She is busy in thought then something catches her eye. A pop of color amidst the grayish building.

Caitlin gets out of the car and makes her way over it. She walks up to see a single group of flowers growing through the pavement in front of the door. She bends down and runs her hands through them, bear still in her arms.

She squats in disbelief as her hand runs through your favorite flowers growing in front of one of your favorite places. She stares in awe, similar to how she would look at you.

A gust of wind comes and brushes through her hair. She sighs.

"Forever and always," she whispers, eyes closing - tears finally falling to bring life to what seemed to be the impossible.

AN: I had to end it that way, I do not apologize. Hopefully, this helps get a glimpse into life before the pain. Let me know what you think! And as always, thank you for all the love and support 🤍

[jasmineoolongtea]

plastic palm trees ― gojo satoru

caught in a dream, it's not what it seems

contents: gojo satoru x f!reader (exes), from the reader's pov this time, nicknames (sweets), angst, hurt + no comfort, questionable coping mechanism, small moments of happiness/fluff (in the flashbacks/memories), suggestive themes for like one memory, swearing/cursing, insecurities from the reader's side, drinking/alcohol

summary: memories from during and immediately after your relationship with satoru (pt. 2 to deeply still in love)

wc: 4.7k (wow that's a doozy and sorry on my part for any errors you might spot because this is kinda not proofread)

a/n: ahhh ty guys sm for the love on deeply still in love, i was not expecting it to blow up like that but i'm just so happy that you guys also enjoy it as well !!! this is kinda a part 2 but not really since it's mainly flashbacks. there is a part 3/conclusion to this whole mini saga coming soon so watch out for it :000. art by objectgraphy on x (nsfw warning for the full pic)

It plays again in your head like a clip from a movie you've seen way too many times.

It's you and him, just the two of you and no one else, sitting in his stupid beat-up black jeep wrangler that's probably seen too much by this point that's parked in the middle of some random parking lot well past midnight by now.

Satoru always complains that something's broken for the hundredth time whenever he comes to pick you up from your dorm for another one of his late-night rendevous however despite all this complaining, you're always greeted with the sight of the same black car even though you know he has a car collection that's way too extensive for any reasonable university student to have.

You're pretty sure you've lost count of how many times you've asked to just get a new car at this point but he always refuses for some reason that's beyond you.

Nostalgia, he says as he pats the well-worn leather lining of its interior. We've been through a lot, me and this one, he'll add on, talking about the vehicle as a person rather than some inanimate object and then he'll start pouting at you like some sort of petulant child when you stare back at him unconvinced.

There's a part of you that wants to call him a 'sentimental idiot' for stuff like this but actually, habits like this only serve to further endear him to you in some weird twist of fate and you can only muster an affectionate eye roll as a response.

There's no particular reason as to why you and Satoru would drive out and just sit and be together like this. It wasn't even because of this specific parking lot as well since you two would just usually drive around until you found a parking lot that looked empty enough and just park there to bask under the canopy of the night sky above.

It was always so quiet. You liked the quiet.

Before you met Satoru, you thought this quiet was something only you could keep to yourself but he taught you that there was merit to be had in sharing the quiet with someone else. Even if that someone else might make your 'quiet' much louder than what you're typically used to.

"I like it here." You mumble softly in the sleeves of your (his) sweater. It was one of your favourites because it was soft and it smelled like him.

"You like the city?" There's an edge of suspicion in his voice like he can't believe someone could ever like this place coming from someone who's grown up in said city. To be fair, the place had its good, bad and ugly and maybe as a city native, he had become accustomed to more of the bad and ugly rather than the good.

"I mean, it's nicer from where I came from. A lot of places are nicer than the town I'm from." You laugh half-heartedly as you lean against the cold glass of the window.

Satoru goes quiet for a moment. You don't talk about your hometown that much and for good reason, in your opinion. University was one of your few chances to get out of there and you took that chance without so much of a look back or regret in your mind.

It's nice, cosy even, if you ignore the slight tingling sensation crawling up your legs when you sit in the way you like to sit for too long or the fact that you're both hanging out in an abandoned parking lot in the dead of night. Whatever this is, you think you wouldn't change it for the world if you were given the choice.

Too bad, your getaway couldn't last forever.

The words are weighing heavy on your tongue, just there on the tip as if they're ready to jump off any second but you tighten your lips in a frail attempt to stop them from spilling out. You know the words you're going to have to say will change the way that things are, no matter how much you want things to stay like this.

Satoru leans his head against the car window next to him, hitting the glass with a soft bonk that you're sure hurts but of course, he doesn't react to the collision. Instead, his attention is focused on staring at you, angling his body in a way so that he can get a better look at you, with that classic dopey smirk of his plastered on his face as he does.

A part of you hates him for being able to look so good even in the broken glow of the overhead parking lot lights that would have made anyone else look sickly under its cracked yellow hue.

Not him though, never him. He looks like an angel, you think to yourself, with the way the wisps of white hair splayed out around him illuminate into something that resembles a halo which further elevates his already ethereal features into something otherwordly.

"Shame, it can't last though." You murmur quietly to yourself, moreso of in the vein of thinking out loud rather than starting a conversation. Unfortunately for you, it seems he's heard you.

"What do you mean?" He asks, sitting a little bit straighter in the driver's seat as he looks on inquisitively.

You avoid looking back at him because you know if you could see his expression, it would only make saying goodbye harder. "I can't stay, Toru." You tell him as you gaze into the black nothingness of the night sky from inside the car. "I'll have to move back after graduation."

"What? Why?"

"The rent is crazy expensive here. The only reason I can stay here for uni is because of the student pricing and now that we're graduating, there's no way I can afford to find a place in time." You gnaw nervously at the bottom of your lip as you speak, a bad habit, you know, but it's just something you can't really kick.

You don't want it to end like this, who would? You don't want to say goodbye to the city, to your life, to him. You've had your first taste of true independence and it's being taken away from you because of stupid expensive rent prices, of all things.

A very anti-climatic way to go out if anyone were to ask you.

The car is dead silent for a few minutes. You're scared for whatever his reaction is going to be. He's going to break up with you, isn't he? You think to yourself and you hate the fact that your mind instantly jumps to the worst option but you can already feel a pit start forming at the bottom of your stomach .

The longer the silence drags the more you're convinced he's going to kick you out of the car or something worse and you can already feel yourself bracing for whatever fallout is coming your way.

"Then move in with me. I have an apartment here, a pretty good apartment if you ask me." He states, shrugging his shoulders casually as if he were simply talking about the weather instead of suggesting something as major as this.

"...What?" You reply, though your words come out more as a question as you try to comprehend what he's just asked.

A beat of silence passes the two of you. You don't move.

"I'm serious. Move in with me." You scan his face for any of the typical telltale signs that he might be pulling a prank on you and you find his face scarily devoid of any of them.

Oh, he's dead serious, you think to yourself, with the way he's looking expectantly at you.

"Satoru, do you understand what you're asking?" You ask, still in a state of disbelief at his offer.

He makes a face at you like the answer to your question is the most obvious thing in the world.

"Obviously, if I didn't why would I ask you." He remarks as he raises an eyebrow at you and before you can open your mouth to retort back, he brings a finger up to your lips to silence you. "And, it's not that strange of a request considering the fact that you're my girlfriend. Don't people in a relationship usually move in together like isn't that some big relationship milestone that they look forward to?"

"I-I mean it is but still."

"Okay, then what's the problem."

"I don't know." You sigh, mulling over his proposition in your head for a bit before turning back to him.

"Just promise me this, Toru. Promise me you won't get sick of me?" You ask him as you reach out your pinky towards him.

A pinky promise. It's childish you know but Satoru knows how much small things like this mean to you.

He reaches his hand out to you and interlocks his pinky with you but before you can pull away, he laces his other fingers with yours and brings your hands up to his lips for a soft kiss. The tips of your ears burn red at the way his lips brush your skin.

"Sweets, I could never get sick of you. Actually, I don't think I could ever get over you as long as I lived."

"You better hope that's true or I'm gonna make you eat your words." You grin cheekily at him, a smile which he reciprocates tenfold before basically pouncing over the console to wrap his arms around you. A squeal escapes you as you burst out into a fit of giggles as he peppers your face with feather-light kisses all whilst fighting off your weak attempts at pushing him off.

His arms rest against the plush leather of the passenger seat, trapping you against him, as his flurry of kisses dies down. He stops for a second, admiring the sight of you so close to him and a part of you wants to shrink from the intensity of his gaze. Unfortunately with the way that his arms are caging you in, there's nowhere to hide and you're left at his mercy.

Satoru leans closer, barely inches away from your face as he hovers right above your lips. "Oh yeah? Well, you're gonna be waiting for a long time because that's never gonna happen." His lips find their place against yours, melting into you like they were made for you and you think to yourself that this must be what home feels like.

Another memory of a happier time flashes through after that.

This time, you're lost in between the bedsheets with him, bare skin on skin as the two of you whisper sweet nothings to each other like lovers do in the dead of night when there's no one watching.

"I like it here." He mutters softly. His arm is wrapped around your waist, pulling you into him like you're his very own lifeline, and his legs are haphazardly intertwined with yours in some mess of limbs that might be able to pass as an abstract art piece if you look at it right from a certain angle.

The blanket is resting dangerously low around his hips and you're wondering how he isn't freezing as you cling onto him as your own personal space heater in the darkness that surrounds the two of you.

It's quiet once again.

"What? Us naked in your bed?" You quip.

"You know that's not what I meant." He groans into your bare shoulder as you giggle softly to yourself, clearly pleased with your well-timed jibe.

"Sorry, I just had to take the opportunity to tease you."

You can't necessarily see him right now but you're sure he's probably lovingly rolling his eyes at you. A sigh escapes his lips and you shiver slightly from the way the blast of hot air hits your skin.

"I like it here when it's just me and you and there's no one else except us in this world." He confesses to you as his fingers begin to explore the expanses of your body as if trying to commit the way you feel under his fingertips into memory.

You bite the corner of your lip as you fight the urge to shrink under his delicate touch.

There's another jest resting on the tip of your tongue but you decide that Satoru's had enough terrorising on your behalf so you say nothing and instead quietly soak up this rare respite from the busyness of everyday life that has been afforded to you two.

"Just us, together, in this bed where we don't need to care about anything else except just that." He adds on, his voice resolute and although you don't say anything out loud, you think you agree with him.

In here, in between these four walls, you two can pretend that the entire world existed within these confines and all the two of you needed to do was to reach out and you had the world at your fingertips. At the end of the day, it was simple and something the two of you could forever return to.

You wished that things could stay simple.

Before you can linger on that moment any longer, it's gone in the blink of an eye as another memory swoops in to take its place.

The door to your shared apartment creeks open and as you crane your head towards the doorway from your spot on the sofa, you're greeted with the sight of a slightly dazed Satoru clumsily entering.

"What's up?" You ask as you shoot up from your place, quickly making your way across the apartment to check up on him as a pang of concern over his current state hits you.

At the sight of you, Satoru is suddenly drawn back into reality as he blinks owlishly for a few seconds as if attempting to reacquaint himself with his surroundings and bring his clearly distracted mind back into reality.

"I just got a call from my family's company. They're giving me the chance to head a new division they want to expand into." He replies as he runs a hand through his hair, a nervous habit of his which shows that this offer is clearly weighing heavy on him. You take his hand in yours and give it a comforting squeeze in the way that he would do for you all those times before, a gesture you can tell he greatly appreciates with the way his shoulders sag with relief.

He confesses softly to you. "I don't know if I should do it."

"Why? What's holding you back?" You question, somewhat confused by his hesitation. This is a major offer and you're surprised that he isn't jumping off the walls with excitement but you're sure he must have his reasons.

"I just- The hours are going to be long and well, you know how many family is and the elders are-"

You cut him off sharply, sensing that Satoru was on his way down a lengthy ramble. "I think you should take it." He stares at you, almost slightly bewildered at your apt response. "It'll be good for you."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course, I'm sure Toru. If you don't take this opportunity, you're going to regret later down the line." You insist, sending a reassuring smile his way. Even if he can't see it now, you're sure that this going to be good for him. For the both of you.

Whatever new hurdles that might come your way from this like Satoru is convinced is going to happen, you have faith that the two of you can make it out relatively unscathed.

It's good to have faith right?

The new question was, how long can your faith carry you?

You're pacing back and forth in your shared apartment for what seems like the millionth time as you anxiously watch the seconds tick down on the clock.

"Hey, Toru. What time do you think you're going to be back?" You're trying to balance the phone between your ear and shoulder as you smooth out a napkin to the best of your ability. It's looking a little wonky, if you're going to be honest and maybe tonight of all nights wasn't really the time to find out if you were good at folding napkins into fancy shapes like they do at the restaurant but you needed tonight to go according to plan.

It had to. Tonight was an important night for both of you.

"Why, what's the occasion?" From the way he's asking, you don't think he's putting on an act of pretending not to know for the surprise. Rather, it's a genuine question on his behalf and somehow, for some reason, that feels even worse than outright disgust.

"Did you forget?" You feel your voice falter ever so slightly, another crack etching its way onto your already fragile heart. "It's our anniversary dinner."

"Shit, I'm so sorry, sweets. It totally slipped my mind with all of these meetings and stuff they're having me do." You hear an exhausted sigh ring out from the other side of the phone in between the cacophony of other voices taking up space in the background. "I'll make it up to you, I swear."

"...No, It-it's fine. We can just reschedule this stuff for another day." A breathy laugh leaves your lips in a weak attempt to try and convince him that it was truly alright and that it was just something else to brush off.

"...If you say so."

"I'm serious, Satoru. It's fine, I can just reschedule things for another day that's all." Another one to add to the evergrowing pile, a bitter voice barks from within the recesses of your mind.

Much to your chagrin, you're unfortunately becoming much more acquainted with this voice and although you haven't responded to its taunts yet, you can feel your resolve wearing away with each late night you watch the streets below for any sign of life, his life to be specific.

Worst of all, you can't say you regret this, can you? Because if you do, then it would basically be confessing that all of the pain and late nights the both of you have been sacrificing have been all for nought and that you were wrong for pushing the both of you down this path.

It needs to be worth it so that there's a reason for this pain that you're feeling when things like this become an afterthought but you're starting to wonder how many times you have to say it until it becomes real instead of just a pipe dream you had the misfortune of being caught in.

Soon, it seemed that these doubts weren't just one-sided anymore.

"This is good for us, right?" Satoru asks one night as the two of you are getting ready for bed. It's been a while since the two of you have gone to bed at the same time as your clocks fall further and further out of sync the longer you two spend out of each other's embrace. There's a strong hint of uncertainty in his voice like he's trying to convince himself as much as he's trying to convince you. "...You're happy right?"

You don't look at him in the eye. You can't. "Right, yeah. I mean, this is what we want." Your answer isn't as resolute as you hoped that it would come out but you brush past it in the hopes of making sure whatever doubts you may have bubbling underneath your surface remain there.

"You didn't answer my other question."

A nervous laugh escapes you. "What do you mean?"

"Are you happy?" You stop in your tracks for a moment as you process his question.

There were a lot of things you could have said at that time, the truth would have been a good option, but instead, you chose to swallow the difficult choice down and take the easy way out by plastering on a sickly sweet smile and lying to him through your teeth.

"Of course, I'm happy Satoru."

As soon as the words leave your mouth, you're greeted with that oh-so-familiar sensation of that pit in the bottom of your stomach as the bitter voice you've tried to suppress makes its infamous return to the forefront of your mind.

Looking back at it now, maybe you should have said the truth, it would have saved you two a lot of pain in retrospect but pride is a funny thing and you're sure that Satoru was in the same position you were in at this point.

That's probably why he didn't push any further after your response, no matter how fake it probably sounded out loud. It's either that or he wanted to believe that you were actually telling the truth.

You're not sure which one is worse.

In another world, you would like to think that there's a point to your mind deciding to subject you to this trip down memory lane aside from dredging up your past pains and regrets to torture you. Maybe, in this other world, you would have a sudden life-changing revelation awaiting you at the end of the road but all you can see just nothing.

It's better this way, right? For the both of you.

You told yourself that when you sat him down and broke up with him in the total sum of a few sentences before leaving because you didn't want to truly say goodbye to him as that would make everything more real and therefore much worse. You told yourself that when you sat in the backseat of your friend's car they came to pick you up for a night out because they insisted that you needed to get out of your head sometimes. You tell yourself this when you stare into the barrel of the gun in the form of the glass of alcohol sitting in front of you.

He deserves better than being lied to on the daily and someone like you holding him back. You can't even remember the last time you actually, truly looked him in the eye for longer than a few seconds. You imagine the old you who loved to get lost in the vast expanses of his cerulean eyes that would gaze at you like you were the one who personally hung the stars in the sky.

Before, if his eyes were the great roaring ocean, you would gladly let yourself get pulled under by the tide even if it meant drowning in its depth. Now, you're scared to even dip your toes in the shoreline when the wave is nothing more than just the remnants of sea foam.

You reach over for another sip, pretending like the burning aftertaste left in its wake doesn't make you want to wince.

Maybe Satoru was onto something with his dislike of alcohol. You've learned that after a few drinks, all liquor, no matter the amount of zeros slapped onto the end of its price tag starts to taste the same by the end of the night.

There's just so much of him everywhere. In the objects, the, hell even the air. You think you might suffocate from the sheer amount of him you're surrounded by. It doesn't matter where you go, all you can see is him.

You needed to get out.

Pushing past the crowd all whilst ignoring the confused calls of your friends to your sudden switch in behaviour, you stumble your way to the bathroom and lock the door behind you as you slump down defeated next to the sink.

Truth be told, his question haunts you more than you would like to admit.

"Are you happy?"

You don't think you are. Maybe you should be, you have everything that would usually qualify for someone to answer that they are happy and you're no longer that struggling student you were a few years ago which is definitely a plus.

You tell other people that you are 'happy' when they ask, with a smile that never reaches your eyes and a grip that's probably too tight on whatever you're holding in your hands at the time but the answer never feels right, no matter how many times you say it out loud and let it roll off your tongue.

Despite what you tell yourself, perhaps the time when you were happy, truly happy, was when you were with him.

Deep down, you think that if you were given the choice between now and then, you would trade all of this for a chance to be those dumb kids sitting and making out in parking lots without a care in the world except for each other again in a heartbeat.

As you study the tiles of the wall opposite you, you think to yourself that it would be nice to stay here in this bathroom, far away from the rest of the world and far away from what feels like all your regrets personified but the logical, reasonable part of you knows that there's no way you could realistically stay here any longer before your friends start worriedly banging on the door.

Slowly, your shoulders deflate with a defeated sigh as you stand up and make your way out of whatever bar you've been dragged to as you bid your friends goodbye in a way that you hope doesn't raise any suspicions.

The air feels bitingly cold as the wind nips at your face while you stand awkwardly on the curb, waiting for a taxi as you go to both the first and last place you want to be at; your apartment. Ironically, in a cruel twist of fate, the total absence of anything relating to Satoru only makes his lack of presence only more pronounced.

If this was the universe's doing, then you had a few choice words for them to say the least.

You wrap your arms around yourself in a vain attempt to maintain some semblance of body heat as you quickly flag down the nearest car and clamber in. When you arrive back, you glance at the clock and you have to fight the urge to let out a laugh when you see that it's barely even past 10pm and you're already back at home.

Pathetic, the bitter voice in your head spits out.

You do what you do best and ignore it as you collapse into the embrace of your bed and try your bed to lull yourself to whatever empty dreamscape awaits you this time if only to get a moment away from your current reality. It doesn't last long though because you're awoken by the shrill ringing of your phone.

Should have silenced it, you curse yourself silently as you blindly reach for it. Once it's in your hands, you squint as the blinding brightness of the screen and a flicker of recognition flashes through you as you realise who's actually calling you and for some reason, against your better judgment, you pick up.

When you hang up, you don't go back to sleep. Rather, you're unable to go back to sleep as you're left staring blankly at the ceiling above you. The bed feels too big for one person and you find yourself missing the nights where you could go to sleep alone and wake up in the arms of another.

Much like when you're forced to watch a replay of all your memories, you're wondering if what you said was right. If you were to go by what you've been telling yourself since the breakup, then sure, you did the right thing. But if it is truly the right thing, then it doesn't explain this inexplicable emptiness gnawing deep within your chest or this aching feeling that sits in a place you can't quite reach but are all too aware of.

The longer you let your mind run through all the possibilities you can think of, the more often you find yourself coming back to the same conclusion. It's better this way, be damned, you think to yourself and with that, you make up your mind to set off on a mission.

Out of all of the places you could have found yourself at, this is definitely quite down low on the list and maybe this is what you deserve for trusting your feet instead of your head but you decide that at this point, you don't have much else to lose and so, you gather up the courage to say the words that you've been waiting to say for a while.

"Hi."

[hgfictionwriter]

Maybe This Time - Part Five

Jessie Fleming x Reader

Summary: Jessie can't sleep, and neither can you. Late night discussions ensue. Jessie and you unpack more of your past - and newly confessed feelings.

Warnings: None. Slight mentions of angst, but mostly tons of fluff!

A/N: Previous parts for this series can be found on my masterlist.

Jessie exhaled as she rolled onto her side, waking temporarily from her sleep. She hadn't even opened her eyes before a rush of recollections came to her from the night before.

You liked her in university. You liked her now. Or at least enough to agree to a date.

You were finally - finally - going on a date together. Jessie had waited for this moment for years.

Sure, she'd buried any hope for it for half of those years, but as soon as you came back into her life, everything she'd been distancing herself from came roaring back, and stronger so.

She belatedly realized she was smiling and she let out a contented sigh. She peeked an eye open to see it was still pitch black and she could hear Janine fast asleep.

Without warning, worry and concern started to encroach on the happiness Jessie was feeling.

What if it was really just a casual 'thing to do' to close out a funny story for you? What if you changed your mind? You didn't actually say how deep those feelings had gone way back when and certainly didn't say how deep they were now. Was she just setting herself up for disappointment?

She exhaled again in an effort to calm herself. She closed her eyes for a few seconds, but couldn't keep from reaching for her phone a moment later.

Her chest tightened when she saw a message from you. She didn't hesitate to open it.

"I can't sleep. And for the record, the feelings weren't short lived on my end either."

Jessie's breath hitched as she re-read your message and any lingering veil of drowsiness was now long gone. She swallowed and checked the time stamp. An hour ago.

Her thumb hovered over the screen as she debated whether to reply now or not. With a light huff she tapped out a reply.

"Tell me about these feelings."

She stared at your conversation for several moments, unknowingly holding her breath. She was about to turn off her phone and set it aside when you started to reply.

"You first, Fleming."

"Also. You should be sleeping. You have an early flight."

"Says you. I'm wide awake now. I can sleep on the plane."

"Why do I have to go first?"

"Lol. Hey, I took the first step here, so it's only fair that you tell me more.

"But I actually asked you out in the end. So I'd say we're even. It's your turn."

"It only took you - what - 8 years?"

"I'm teasing. I know it's more complicated than that."

"Slow off the line, but hey, at least you know I'm steady lol. And yeah, it's been complicated. But I don't mind."

"Are you trying to charm me?"

"Depends. Is it working?"

"It is. And it's worked many times before."

"Oh really? Now you definitely have to tell me more."

"Smooth. Well, I don't know, where do you want me to start?"

Start? There's that much? This was going to be way more interesting than Jessie even hoped.

"I guess we can start at the beginning. That art show - was that the first time a date ever came to mind?"

Jessie idly chewed on the corner of her thumb as her remained fixated on the screen and she awaited your response.

"Definitely not. I always thought you were cute and I found you really easy to talk to. So things just grew from there. And really, do you think I came to your games just because I wanted to watch football? lol."

"By the way. That reminds me. You never invited me to your games. I had to invite myself! So if you're wondering why I didn't think you had any interest in me - there's an example of why."

"Y/N. Come on. I didn't want to make a big thing out of it. It felt so cringy and showboat-y. I'm not like that and you know it. And you were busy. And you didn't like football! Why would I assume you'd want to spend 2-3 hours at a game?"

"Yeah, that's the part where you missed the whole concept that I liked you lol. That of course I'd want to show up and support you and learn more about what you're passionate about. Anyway, just saying, you played it awfully cool all the time. So yeah, after the art show incident, I guess it just felt like confirmation that I'd been trying too hard to read into things, so from there I just assumed it was a one-sided thing."

"I'm sorry. It definitely wasn't."

"I'm afraid to ask. But even when you were dating your exes, are you saying you liked me then?"

"If I'm being honest with myself, it's fairly obvious why my exes didn't like you. And it has nothing to do with you as a person - it was about my dynamic with you. I was upset with them at the time, but, truthfully, they had reason to criticize."

"Okay, your turn now."

"Wait – you didn't really answer. Are you saying you liked me when you were with your exes?"

"Yes lol that's exactly what I'm saying. I couldn't even admit it to myself at the time though. It just seemed pathetic when I knew - or thought I knew - that you didn't like me like that. I played it off like, "She's my friend! How dare you!" But, yeah, I came to you for things that I should've come to my girlfriends about. I'm sorry – looking back on this, it was really shitty of me to do that to you; counting on you for emotional support like a girlfriend might. Like when I was upset, when I was excited, you were the one I came to. That wasn't fair to you or them."

Jessie sighed. Those times did create a lot of angst for her. But, she also cherished being the one you trusted and relied on. It had been bittersweet, really. But this changed things entirely. You'd come to her like a girlfriend? Your words - not hers. It made her heart race.

"I really was your friend though. I mean, a friend who was head over heels for you, but a friend. And friends support each other. But I see what you're saying too. And it was hard sometimes being close with you, but not as more."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be."

Jessie couldn’t believe what she was reading. The revelations that were coming out challenged everything she’d known - or thought she’d known - for years. It was mind boggling and elation tingled in the tips of her fingers and toes. She had to be dreaming.

"I wish we were actually talking right now and not texting."

Jessie looked at the time before glancing over at Janine. She really shouldn't get up. But who was she kidding?

She carefully got out of bed and gingerly walked over to her things to slip on a pair of sweats over her shorts, grab a hoodie, shoes and the hotel key. She glanced back once more at Janine's sleeping form and tip-toed to the door, ever so slowly unlocking it – wincing when the deadbolt clicked open – and swiftly stepped out into the hall. She exhaled slowly as she kept the handle turned and softly closed the door.

She tied her hair back with the elastic around her wrist as she headed to the elevator and took it down to the main floor. A tight smile formed across her lips as she walked past the front desk on her way outside.

As the entrance doors slid closed behind her, she peered around and found a bench alongside the building, dimly lit by nearby streetlights. She took up a seat and called you.

The phone rang a couple of times before you picked up.

"Hello?"

Jessie smiled at your voice, hoarse with sleep.

"Did I wake you?" She asked.

"No, I just didn't expect you to actually call," you chuckled, your voice already clearing up. "How are you calling me, anyway? Did you go somewhere else?"

"Yeah," Jessie replied, stifling a yawn as she relaxed into the bench some. "I just went outside."

"Jess," you said, somewhere between chiding and impressed. "We could've kept texting. Or, you know, I could actually let you get some sleep."

"Sleep is for the weak," Jessie joked, twiddling with the tie of her hoodie.

"Since when? You were the one always keen to get a full night's sleep," you teased.

"Well," Jessie started slowly, feeling the push and pull of what she wanted to say next. "If it means I get to talk to you...I don’t mind losing a bit of sleep."

"Wow," you said, dragging the word out with a light laugh. Jessie's face flared with heat immediately. "I did not know you were such a charmer."  As if you read Jessie's mind that had begun to swirl with anxiety, you went on, "Don’t get me wrong – I really like it. It’s just new, but in a great way."

Jessie huffed good naturedly as a small boost of confidence settled in. "That's fair. I mean, as we've covered, I didn't exactly make my feelings clear." She cracked a smirk. "Not such a loser, now, am I?"

"Loser?" You asked incredulously. "Why in the world would you say that?"

Jessie felt heat rushing to her face once more and she rubbed the back of her neck. "I don’t know. I just felt that way. Sometimes. Like – seeing all of these hot girls and guys hit on you whenever we were out, making you laugh, and swoon, and all I ever really could manage to do was offer to get a refill of whatever you were drinking or offer to let you copy my notes if you missed class."

"Jessie. You're ridiculous. You were the absolute farthest thing from a loser. My God. Let's be really clear about that. And 'swoon' is a strong word, okay? I did not swoon over anyone. Anyone that wasn't you, anyway," you finished with a faint lilt in your voice.

"Oh whatever," Jessie protested though her face felt even warmer now. "You most definitely didn't swoon over me. You don't have to pretend."

"Excuse me," your voice rising to match hers, "You were the smartest girl in class. And so cute. And witty. I know you think being shy was a bad thing - but I found you endearing for it. Made it that much more special when we became friends and you opened up around me. And, you know, jocks were never my type, but the fact that you coupled it with academic smarts and becoming one of the people I was closest to and trusted most – swoon worthy"

"Uh huh," Jessie dismissed though it felt like her head was buzzing now. She swallowed the excitement that was bubbling in her throat. "Well, all I can think about is that one night we were at that silly bar near campus and I got you a new drink – you took a sip, handed it back telling me to hold it for you, and then ran out on the dance floor with [another girl]."

”Oh my gosh,” you said, scandalized though both of you laughed. “Don’t you dare. Anytime I tried to get you to dance you always refused! You made it seem like torture anytime you had to! And it was my favourite song! I didn’t think you’d want to dance.”

"Right, sure," Jessie continued to tease, though your proclamations were accurate. "Well no worries – I held your drink and protected it with my life while you danced up on some other girl."

"Oh my God," you went on with a light laugh. "I'm sorry!" You clicked your tongue. "Listen, I can't change it, but what I can promise you is that next time we're out and I feel like dancing, we're dancing together. I won't take 'no' for an answer this time."

"Well hold on now," Jessie protested in jest, drawing another laugh out of you. She hummed and went on. "Kidding. I suppose I can put up with dancing if it's with you."

"You're making me blush," you told her. The way she laughed, she thought you were kidding, but it was true. "Well, I'd love that. Consider me flattered. I've been waiting a long time for it. Remember when [an ex] and I left abruptly during [a friend's] birthday because we were fighting?"

"Yeah," Jessie said, feeling a fleeting wave of aggravation at the recollection of that night. She remembered your ex storming out, you being in a foul mood and leaving shortly after.

"I mean, that was a shitty night. Too much drama. But anyway, [y/ex] was mad because she caught me looking at you from the dance floor one too many times. I never told you – for obvious reasons."

“Yeah right,” Jessie readily dismissed. She recalled maybe seeing you glance over now and then, but it didn’t mean anything.

"It's true," you refuted simply and unbothered. "I think you'll learn that there were a lot of moments like that."

"Well, I find that hard to believe. But I suppose," she relented. "And there are definitely a lot of moments like that from my side, too."

"Tell me one," you said before quickly adding, "Well. I want to know them all, but I'll go easy on you for now. Let's start with one."

Jessie shuffled down in the seat of the bench and played with the seam of her sweats. She pursed her lips together as she rifled through memories until her mind hitched on one, a twinge going through her chest at the mere recollection of it. She went to consider other options, but whether it was the desire to keep ensuring things were different this time or maybe it was just the lull of night lowering her inhibitions, she decided to stick with this memory. She cleared her throat.

"Uh. I guess graduation comes to mind. Not convocation itself, but, you know, that last night we saw each other before I moved," Jessie started, her eyes on the ground as she began now distractedly picking at the wooden slats of the bench.

"I remember that," you said, your voice more somber than before.

"Yeah," Jessie said simply before a stilted laugh escaped her. "That was a hard night."

"Tell me," you gently encouraged.

Jessie exhaled quietly, giving a listless shrug before stating very matter of fact, "I thought it was the last time I'd ever see you."

Her chest was tight and her body felt heavy as the memories and emotions flooded back. She knew every detail of you that night – she'd wanted to remember every aspect and hold it close. Despite the fact that all these other truths were being revealed now, it didn't undo how heartbroken Jessie had felt at that time.

"Don't you start – then I'm going to cry," you told Jessie as your eyes grew watery and you forced a short laugh.

Jessie tried to laugh, too, but it was feeble at best and instead she felt more tears welling. She tried to muster another laugh, but it came out as more of a sob as you watched her and your lip soon quivered.

"Come here," you said, voice tight as you opened your arms to her.

The two of you collided into each other as you both rushed into the hug. Much to her contempt, Jessie began sniffling immediately and her shoulders shook with sobs, pulling a watery laugh out of you as you gave her a squeeze. The squeeze was encouragement enough for Jessie to tighten her grip on you – clutching you almost desperately in her arms and terrified to let you go.

"Jess," you said, your voice barely audible as you waded through emotion.

Another sob escaped Jessie as she pulled you even tighter to her. She felt your body shudder as your own tears overtook you.

"I'm so proud of you," you managed to say through tears, your head resting against Jessie's. "You're going to do amazing things – even more than you've already done. I’m just going to miss you like hell." You finished with a sad laugh.

Jessie subconsciously dug her fingers into your back. "I'm going to miss you, too," was all she could manage through her tears. You sniffled.

"If you need someone to keep you grounded when you're an even bigger superstar than you are now, you just give me a call," you laughed.

Jessie felt words burning in her throat and she felt powerless to stop them. They were words she'd said to you before – more specifically, returned to you. Anytime you said them to her – flippantly or otherwise, regardless, never the way she wanted you to say them. This time, she allowed herself to say them the way she really felt them.

"I love you," she said, tucking her chin against you. "So much." She felt like her chest was about to explode and she bit down hard on her lip as she looked up to the sky and tried to fight off this persistent stream of tears.

"I love you, too," you returned, voice still thick with emotion, but a light laugh punctuating your reciprocation.

Jessie chest panged once more.

"Text me as soon as you land, okay?" You told Jessie as you pulled away from the hug. Jessie's touch lingered until she forced herself to let go.

She sniffled and nodded, wiping irritably at the next tear that fell. "I will."

"And I know you're going to be super busy, but let me know when I could come by for a visit," you said brightly through your remaining tears. You forced another laugh. "Look at me – I'd never been to a football game in my life until I met you. And now I'm offering to fly halfway around the world to watch you play."

Jessie mustered up a smile, blinking back more tears. "Yeah, I'll let you know." She knew she wouldn't and it broke her heart to lie to you.

"Okay," you said as you nodded, smiling bravely for her. "I know you have to go, so I won't keep you. We'll talk soon. Have a good flight tomorrow, okay? I love you."

Jessie swallowed and returned a brave smile of her own. "I love you, too."

She was startled from her thoughts as you spoke.

"Really? We said we'd visit each other."

"I know," she replied, wisps of guilt setting in. "I just-" She took a breath as she worked to find the words. "it was hard...being only your friend. I, I think I knew that moving to London, that I needed to move on. I'm sorry I didn't know a better way to do it," she finished quietly.

"Ah," you voiced, taking a couple of seconds. "I understand. I'm sorry it was so painful – the last thing I would've ever wanted is to hurt you."

"No, you don't need to apologize," Jessie assured you. "I know you weren't trying to hurt me." She took a breath. "I owe you an apology."

"Hm? Why?" You asked, perplexed.

"You know how you asked me recently why we stopped talking?" She asked. "I wasn't being fully honest with you. I knew I was pushing you away. And I'm sorry – for then and for now, for acting like I didn't know any better. I knew I was hurting you. I just...I didn't know how to move on if you were still in my life."

Jessie felt emotions rising in her chest and she continued.

"I know it probably doesn't mean anything. But, it broke my heart to do it. I was miserable. And it was so hard to not talk to you – to tell you about my day, big things and small, and to not hear about yours. To not know how you were doing. I missed you more than you know."

The line was silent for a few, heavy seconds and Jessie felt her anxiety start to build. Her throat was dry and she was about to speak when you cut in.

"Sorry. I just wish I was there. Or you were here," you said, relieving Jessie of her concerns immediately. "I just wish I could hug you, because you don’t need to apologize. I'm not upset with you. Thank you – for being honest with me. Maybe this isn't right, but it makes me feel so much better to know what was actually happening. I hate that you were hurting, and it hurt me too at the time, but, all of this just makes me excited for what we're trying to explore now."

A smile had spread across Jessie's face. "Good. Me too. And yeah," her smile grew and she picked at the bench once more. "I wish we were together right now, too." She meant to leave room for you to reply, but her nerves got the better of her and she talked on. "But anyway, next weekend will come soon enough."

You chuckled. "I guess that's true. It's been 8 years – what's another week."

"Exactly," she laughed, unable to fully quiet the smile on her face. She glanced up, idly noting the subtle change in the colour of the sky. "Shit. I hate to do this, but I should probably go. The sun's starting to come up."

"Oh my gosh, of course. Don't worry about it. Thank you. For calling me. You really didn't need to, but, I really enjoyed talking with you."

"Don't mention it," Jessie replied, cheeks starting to strain with how much she was smiling. "I love talking with you. You know that."

"I do," you told her. "I'm very lucky. Now go. This can't turn into those nights where we just keep talking and talking despite saying 'bye' a dozen times and then one of us just falls asleep at the other's place," you finished with a laugh. Jessie remembered those nights well. 

"No, I'm not ready to answer the line of questions that would come up if the team found me asleep on this bench," she joked. She smiled further at the laugh it drew from you.

"No way. But you better brace yourself for the questions Janine's going to throw at you. It would just be way too easy if she sleeps through it all."

"Yeah," Jessie rolled her eyes affectionately. "You're probably right." She straightened up and slapped a hand down purposefully on her leg. "Okay, I'm going now. But, it was great talking with you. For the second time tonight," she added with a chuckle. Her face began to warm. "Hopefully you can still get some sleep tonight. Um, sweet dreams."

"Well, if they're of you, then they certainly will be," you teased, causing Jessie's face to flare up even more. "I hope you can get some sleep too. If not, then hopefully you can sleep on the plane. Text me when you can. Oh, and don't think I didn't catch that you said you were 'head over heels' for me," your voice light and teasing. "We'll unpack that next time we talk."

"Y/N!" Jessie exclaimed, but the line had gone dead. She glanced at her phone, mouth agape at how you'd hung up on her. A text came through.

"Goodnight! (morning?) Sweet dreams, Jess. 😘"

A/N: Part Six (finale) available here.

[rockwgooglyeyes]

Really, what CURE highlights is Ivan's sense of self- or lack thereof.

"you can break me apart"

"to quiet my fears, I'll drown in you"

"consume me, yes, me"

Maybe this is why, overall, I think Ivan wrote the lyrics more than I believe Till did. While we know Till to be a producer and lyricist, the content of the lyrics themselves are really what put that final nail in the coffin for me. I don't really believe that Till would have a desire for Mizi to hurt him, even in a romantic way. His affection for her seems far more pure than that, something where violence and injury are absent, something happy and bright where there are no worries. Mizi might be Till's reason to believe in the world and the future, as she shows him a possibility of goodness and happiness, but she doesn't seem to distract him from his own fears. In fact, his admiration of her from afar is a behavior that's an extension of his fears and insecurities, stemming from his superiority complex where people don't like him, it's because he's better than them and they know it. But not only that, adding onto that superiority complex, Till has a fear of vulnerability (or he just doesn't want to be perceived as weak) due to his traumas and I don't think that he would want Mizi to "break him apart." Then again I might be splitting hairs and I might be wrong. These are just my thoughts at the moment

Back to Ivan, though. He's . . . *sighs* his sense of self worth is pretty much nonexistent. He thinks very poorly of himself, he's part of the crowd who call him a freak and a pervert and a monster. He believes himself to be something wretched and broken, in need of fixing and yet, unfixable. He's just as afraid of vulnerability as Till is, ironically, but it's for a different reason- Ivan is afraid of laying it all bare and having someone confirm his suspicions that there's something irrevocably wrong with him. He's not insecure in the same way Till is, because he believes wholeheartedly that he's fucked up and that he's unlovable and that's how he got here. It's not Till who *needs* to love him back, or anything like that, it's Ivan that's the problem.

That's why "consume me" and "you can break me apart" and "to quiet my fears, I'll drown in you" are so utterly Ivan. Ivan would be happy to be consumed by someone he loved because that way, he's useful. He's sustaining them. He would be happy to be broken apart by someone he loves because that way, they can get their anger out on someone without any consequences, because he doesn't mind, he's happy to be the meat on their chopping block. He will use a person he loves as a distraction from his own doubts and fears because, hey, he already knows what's wrong with him but there are so many wonderful people around him, who he can help support. His problems aren't what's important because he doesn't have problems, not real ones, anyways. He can't compare to any of his friends, he has a guardian who doesn't actively physically abuse him, and he's famous. What more could he ask for?

Also I think the "sick of these nights to come" is in reference to the possibility of Ivan winning and being forced to live in a world without Till, a comparatively quiet universe. Anyayws. starred crossed doomed yaoi my belvoed. if anyone calls them toxic i will have questions because i want to know your reasoning and if i can dispute it because maybe im wrong!

[7waystreet]

legacies | ch.8

synopsis — a fiery (y/n) newly enters a university campus dominated by the three trust fund brats. she’s not going to take their shit and they’re not going to let her off so easily either. will this rivalry evolve into friendship, lust or love?

genre — college, angst, friendship, love, slow burn

disclaimer — 18+ strong language & sexual content

chapter index:

01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07 | 08 | coming soon

ch.8

"You both probably have no idea why I've called you in here this evening."

Well...

You do have a strong suspicion, especially knowing who's sitting next to you in that moment, this situation only likely sparking up as a result of your secret dealings outside the campus grounds this past week. But you just sit there quietly not voicing any opinions, letting professor Jung navigate the conversation instead, which is taking place in his small office at the back of the dance studio. Jimin, however, who's sitting upright in the chair adjacent to you, seems completely clueless and even slightly worried based on his tense demeanor, his widened eyes cautiously inspecting the dance teacher with bated breath.

"I received a call from Mr. Park this afternoon..." professor Jung continues explaining, a conspicuous smile now gleaming on his face. "... And he's given his permission to let Jimin participate in the annual intercollegiate dance competition!"

"Wait... WHAT?! NO WAY!" Jimin promptly yelps as he jerks up in his chair, his palm slapping up to his mouth in utter shock before a happy chuckle trots out of him. "How did you even convince my dad, professor Jung?!"

"I didn't have to do any convincing. The decision came straight from him" the dance teacher beams brilliantly with his dimples, his attention now gradually shifting from Jimin to you.

It's right then when Jimin seems to realize you're also present in the room, the expressions on his overjoyed face swiftly deviating from happiness back to puzzlement. "So why is she here?" he points at you with a fluster, indeed a valid question on his part, but you still endure the burning silence, not wanting to reveal too much about anything.

"Mr. Park's agreed to let Jimin participate only if his grades remain unaffected. And he specifically requested for you, (y/n), to help Jimin with his studies. I apologize... I do understand this is a lot to ask from you" professor Jung speaks directly to you this time, a remorseful undertone laced with a plea in his inquiring voice.

He has nothing to be sorry for though as you're the one who'd brought this upon yourself, your fortuitous conversation with Mr. Park still freshly etched in your mind. The prominent man had already grown a liking towards you during your first week at the part-time job, surprisingly developing a respect for you and your ideas while you worked closely together with his secretary. It was just yesterday when you'd kindly asked him if you could leave the office an hour early to study for an upcoming exam, explaining in detail how your late night dance team practices were cutting into your time for school work, pressuring you into making some adjustments to your schedule.

"Of course you can take off early, (y/n). Exams come first! If only my son gave the same level of importance to his education" Mr. Park had hung his head with shaken disappointment, only to look up at you in a glimmer when you'd challenged him to view things a bit differently.

"If you don't mind, Sir... I don't think you give Jimin enough credit for his accomplishments."

"And what accomplishments would these be?" Mr. Park had posed, not offended by your brash statement at all, instead appearing attentive to hear your praise for his son, who he clearly thought was a failure for not following in his own business-minded footsteps.

"It's because of Jimin's impressive ability to dance that our university's won the intercollegiate competition 3 years in a row, a milestone no one's ever achieved in the past. Isn't that what every parent wants in their child? For them to actually be passionate about something and excel at it? You might not approve of Jimin's love for dance, but that doesn't make him any less amazing at it. He's the best at what he does... There's nobody better than him."

"But how far can he even get in life with dance? It all sounds exciting at your age, but the real world doesn't work that way. I thought a smart girl like you would surely have understood this."

"Sir, have you considered how much further Jimin will be able to go if you just once show him a hint of support for his passion? It will mean a lot to him coming from his father. At least give him a chance to try achieving his dreams."

Mr. Park had placed his hand on his chin, frivolously rubbing it as he took a while to think, finally meeting your eyes with shocking humility. "Can you ensure Jimin's doing well in his classes if I allow him to dance?" Mr. Park had suddenly sprung the unexpected assignment.

"It's not a lot to ask, professor Jung. I can help Jimin with his studies if that means he can be on the team" you respond similarly to the request in present time, the dance teacher's face muscles instantly relaxing at the sound of your willingness.

"Why the hell would dad put her up to this when he knows we're not even in the same classes, let alone in the same school year? I mean, she's two years younger than me! This doesn't make any sense at all."

"But I'm not complaining, am I? Why are you getting so worked up over it?"

"Because it's unfair to you. You're already busy with your own school work, the dance team practices at night, and you're also interning at my dad's company..." Jimin's voice trails off as if he's hitting an unanticipated realization, his shimmering eyes now sharply turning in your direction to search your face for the truth.

"I told you I can handle it. Would that be all then, professor Jung?" you sternly stand up to leave, not granting Jimin the time to even open his mouth in retaliation, or worse, precisely question you about your involvement in the matter, which he's seemingly recognizing by the minute.

"Yes. I just want to thank you again for committing your time to this, (y/n). We really need Jimin on our team to ensure that win, and now our chances of bringing home the trophy are looking solid. If you ever need assistance with anything, I'm always happy to help. And so will your other professors, I'm sure."

Flashing a faint smile at the elated teacher and totally ignoring Jimin, you hastily exit the office and pace across the dance studio two steps at a time, forcing the metal doors open with all your strength, then deciding to take the longer route back to your dormitory instead of the usual shortcut. However, Jimin eventually catches up to you by the end of the hallway in a breathless sprint. "(y/n)! Hey, stop! WAIT!"

"I really have to get to the library, Jimin. I need to study for—"

But the way Jimin swoops up in front of you compels you to stop short in your rambling sentences, your body banging into his chest from his sudden presence up ahead. It's quite apparent you're hiding something by how your eyes fail to meet his penetrative ones, all while he refuses to move out of your way, your faces just inches from one another in the lonely hallway.

"How did you convince my dad? I know you must've said something to him at work... Why would you do that for me?"

"I don't know what you're talking about..."

You certainly feel cornered as Jimin coarsely sighs with a hint of agitation while you fidget with your feet in an awkward silence, but you figure you've got no choice now but to delve into the discussion the way he's standing his ground with arms crossed across his chest, successfully trapping you with no way to back out of this instance.

"I just had a brief conversation with Mr. Park about your passion for dance and how he should try giving you a chance to pursue this career—"

"But how are you okay with the way he's basically forcing you to be my tutor in exchange for that? It's so not fair to you! You barely know him and what a manipulative bastard he can be. You shouldn't have accepted the deal and you still have time to change your mind. Why are you even doing this for me?"

"I'm doing this for you the same reason you're pissed at him for doing this to me" you blurt out, instantly wishing you'd thought a little before coming up with this response but it's too late, now covertly hoping Jimin catches on by putting some thought into your words.

"I don't understand..."

You're not even sure why you're feeling embarrassed at the thought of having to explicitly say it out loud, a tinge of pink blossoming your cheeks as you nervously lock eyes with Jimin's twinkling ones. Why do you have to spell it all out for him? How can boys be so emotionally incompetent sometimes?

"The Jimin I met when I started school wouldn't have felt angry for any inconveniences I'd have to experience for him. So let me ask you this — Why do you feel pissed that I have to pile on more work in exchange for you getting back on the dance team? The one thing you so desperately wanted over everything? It's a win-win for you. The trophy and a tutor. So why are you even bothered?"

Jimin's clearly lost in thought now, his wavering eyes searching the wall behind you as if the answers are somehow painted on there. The way his cheeks kick up in a red heat all of a sudden makes your heart skip a beat, an indication that he's coming close to working out his feelings for you by detangling the web of questions you'd so distinctly spun on him.

"Because it's unfair. And well... because I guess I care about you" his plump rosy lips press together, his entire body tensing up as he's unknowingly holding his breath.

"I guess I care about you too."

Despite the palpable embarrassment in the lone night's silence, your smiling eyes meet one another for a fleeting second of shared acknowledgement before you begin making your way back to your dormitory weaving the winding corridors. The truth was that through this tumultuous time being at the university, you'd both somewhere, deep down, grown to care about each other. Something had subconsciously changed between you both after you'd spent those vulnerable moments holding hands at the basketball court late that night, battling your personal failures together in quiet company.

The way you'd leaped up to defend Jimin in front of his father, and the way Jimin had felt angered by the unfair way you'd been treated spoke volumes about how you'd evolved in your relationship for the better, even before you both could come to your senses about these harboring feelings.

Tap.

The rustle of a crumpled up sheet of paper landing on your desk catches your attention as you're packing up your bag after your music theory class's dismissal. Upon scanning your eyes across the emptying lecture hall for the source of the mischief, you notice Jungkook leaning against the back wall intently observing you. He playfully points at the ball of paper as if urging you to take a look at it, so you roll your eyes and turn around to open it and sneak a peek.

"My birthday party's this weekend. Invite only."

"I see..." you briefly skim through the flyer which lists out the date, time and outfit expectations, amongst some other event related details.

"Am I allowed to come near you? Or is the invisible restraining order still in action?" Jungkook jokes in an attempt to gage your mood, carefully throwing no direct insults your way, which doesn't go unnoticed and makes you smile to yourself.

"The invite doesn't mention the location. Where are you hosting it?" you quickly hide your smile and turn around to face Jungkook again, giving him permission to come closer with a wave of your hand.

"Have you ever even gone to a college party, (y/n)? We're underaged so I'm not gonna go sharing the address on a flyer in case we get busted" Jungkook laughs, clearly happy you're allowing this conversation to happen in the first place, the pep in his step apparent as he makes his way over to your desk. "It's at Taehyung hyung and Jimin hyung's suite in the upperclassmen boys tower."

"Oh..."

Jungkook observes the sudden frown weighing down your lips, the boy astonishing you with his newfound attentiveness next. "Still fighting with Taehyung hyung?"

"I haven't spoken to him since I went off on him about his evil ways. How's he doing?" you steal the chance to check up on Taehyung.

Despite his cruel betrayal, Taehyung hadn't left your mind since you last saw him, the confrontation you'd planned in your dormitory replaying over and over again in your head at odd times, much to your dislike. Even if Taehyung seemingly hadn't given a fuck about you and had pretended to be your friend, you did care for him that entire time and still missed having that naive version of him around, as much as you hated to admit it. It was just going to be very difficult to trust him again if the opportunity to become real friends ever popped up in the future.

"Oh, he's not really been himself, that's for sure. He's begun acting the way he did after his dad died, withdrawn mostly. What did you even say to him? Jimin hyung and I've been getting a bit concerned. Maybe you could try talking to him? I don't know, he always seemed cheerful around you."

"He was pretending to be cheerful around me, Jeon. That was the whole point of his plan.. to fool me into believing we were friends. I don't even know what he's really like, now that I think about it."

"I know, but he's been scary lately. He clearly needs some type of intervention so I just thought maybe he'd be willing to speak with you. I don't think he feels like opening up to Jimin hyung or me about whatever this is."

"I guess I can try meeting him this week. Thanks for letting me know and for the suggestion... By the way, are you sure you're the same Jeon Jungkook I met on my first day here? Helping me and shit? It's like I don't even know who you are anymore" you fondly chuckle at Jungkook's intuitive side shining through. It was refreshing to have a normal conversation with him, almost therapeutic, as you felt some kind of weight lifted off of your mind about the confrontation with Taehyung.

"I'm full of surprises" Jungkook smirks as you smile in return and begin walking by his side out of the classroom, the sun beaming brightly in the courtyard reflecting both of your matching happy moods. "So you coming to my party?"

"I guess I'll stop by for a bit!"

"Awesome. Also, my real birthday's the day after tomorrow, we're only celebrating it on the weekend. So I'll be expecting two presents from you" Jungkook smartly giggles, your brows immediately raising up in question.

"What do you even gift a rich brat like you who pretty much has everything in the world? Any requests that a commoner like myself can afford?"

Jungkook suddenly stops in his steps after hearing your comment and turns to face you directly, his big bambi eyes gazing deeply in yours, a hint of sorrow lingering in his cast as he mentions "Your friendship. That's all."

He waves goodbye with a sweet smile that travels up to his pretty eyes, slowly turning around and walking away from you as you remain painfully rooted to your spot. You can't help but accept Jungkook has finally begun growing on you, his sincere comment unknowingly touching your heart and leaving you wanting more.

You'd left Taehyung a couple of texts and even called him a few times, all to be ignored by him for over an entire day. It was close to 10pm the day after speaking with Jungkook about Taehyung's wellbeing, the usual time you'd start heading down to the dance studio for competition practice. But your mind's stuck on Taehyung with an uncomfortable buildup of worry, unable to stray away and focus on anything else.

With the brimming anxiousness you're feeling in your chest, you hurriedly decide to walk over to Taehyung's suite to check whether he's okay, if he's even there, before navigating your way down to the dance studio. Call it intuition or a gut feeling, but the moment you knock on his door and watch it swing open, a wave of gratitude hits you like a truck knowing you did the right thing by resolving to visit him.

"Oh... what are you- you doing he- here?"

The sight breaks your heart into a million pieces. Taehyung appears thoroughly disheveled, unlike you could've ever imagined — his unkempt hair sticking out in random places, his usual pouty lips cracked and colorless, the bags under his eyes alarming. His entire face scrunches up when the bright corridor lights swim into the pitch black apartment behind him. He's in a set of pajamas but it doesn't even look like he got ready or left his place at all today. He's clearly sloshed from the lingering stench of whiskey on his breath and from the way he'd slurred his words upon your arrival.

"I texted and called you many times since yesterday but you hadn't replied, so I came to see if you were okay."

"Oh, I'm splendid" Taehyung sloppily smiles with his eyes closed, his tongue clearly heavy and his speech impaired, his tall figure swaying to the side before he presses his forehead against the door.

Without even asking for permission, you walk straight inside with a surge of concern ripping up your chest, Taehyung not really noticing you anyways until you hold him by the shoulders and kick the door shut. Gently guiding him over to the couch and sitting him down while he incoherently grunts, you quietly get a glass of water from the kitchen behind him and turn on a dim stove light for more visibility, also to not directly irritate Taehyung's eyes. He huffs like a child when you hold the glass of water to his mouth but reluctantly gulps it down, eyes still closed and neck now resting back on the sofa as you place the empty glass on a table nearby.

Gonna miss practice. Taehyung's not doing well. I'm with him at your place. Don't worry but come straight back when you're finished at the studio.

You quickly shoot Jimin a text to inform him of your absence, and thank God for how you and Jimin are on good terms so you don't have to deal with his wrath for skipping practice. You now focus your attention back to Taehyung who's begun randomly humming, clearly way too drunk, and you suspect probably high as well based on the light waft of weed drifting through the apartment.

Scooting closer to Taehyung on the couch, you carefully lift up his heavy, lifeless arm and curl it around your shoulder, tightly wrapping both of your arms around his torso after and lightly resting your head on his chest. The overwhelming feeling of sadness seeing your once closest friend here in this condition, mixed with a pang of guilt for never checking up on him after your fight, edges you to the brink of tears, the only thing your heart wanting to do in that moment being holding him close, letting him know he's not alone.

A minute goes by, silent tears flowing down your cheeks and wetting his soft white shirt when Taehyung's motionless arm around your shoulder finally grips you and pulls you in even closer, his cheek resting on the top of your head, his lips pressed on your hair. You feel his entire body vibrating as he begins sobbing, and all you can do then is continue embracing him tightly, allowing him to get it all out, and be there for him to share his pain in those passing moments.

It feels like an hour's gone by but both you and Taehyung just sit there on the couch hugging each other, both quietly crying for different reasons with no words spoken, but certainly lessening each other's burdens. You end up pulling yourself together much before he does, but you don't move an inch until he's gradually calmed himself down, only choosing to tilt your head back a little and look up at his face once his breathing stabilizes as close to normal as you could've guessed.

"Have you eaten anything today? Want me to order jjajangmyeon for us from your favorite spot?"

"Yeah, that'd be great" Taehyung croaks, eyes still closed while pulling in a sniffle to clear his sinuses.

A burst of energy recharges you seeing Taehyung respond positively to your proposal, a relief now that his speech sounds more coherent, although you've never seen him appear so exhausted. With him accepting the idea to eat a filling meal, you're sure he'll feel a lot better after, and with that, you slowly let yourself out of the embrace and grab your phone, quickly placing 3 jjajangmyeon orders through the app, an extra one for Jimin when he returns back from dance practice.

After another couple of glasses of water, Taehyung seems much more awake, his eyes ultimately opening up and taking in your full sight for the first time since you'd arrived. You greet him with a small smile but he just blankly stares at you, his eyes empty and void of the charm they so usually radiantly carry, his gaze lowering down to the carpet as he questions "What made you come here tonight?"

"Oh, I mentioned earlier how I'd left you texts and calls but you hadn't replied for a day, so I just got worried. It's unlike you to not even respond."

"I think my phone ran out of battery so I probably didn't even get half the things you sent."

After asking Taehyung if he remembers where he left his phone and quickly locating it by the tub in the restroom, you put it on charge, crack a window open for some fresh cool night air, and settle down on the couch again. At once when you're back sitting next to him, Taehyung instantly tumbles out "Why did you even worry for me? I thought you hated me."

"I don't hate you. And we don't have to talk about this right now. Let's just get you better first—"

"No. I need to know."

You can't help but sigh, your lips shaking a bit by the way Taehyung's somber eyes meet yours and helplessly wait for a reply, urging you to share your concise yet truthful feelings.

"You were always my friend, Taehyung. I never stopped caring for you. Even if you didn't feel the same things for me."

Taehyung's downturned lips quiver uncontrollably at those words, his swollen nose pulling in another sniffle before he mumbles out "I'm sorry", struggling to hold himself back from another sob.

"I know you're sorry. I don't hold any grudges against you. We'll be fine with time" you reassure him with a comforting tone of voice, placing your hand on top of his and giving it a squeeze. He presses his lips together to stop them from quivering and nods in acknowledgment, resting his head back on the sofa without letting go of your hand.

A few more soundless minutes pass you by, the only noise breaking it being Taehyung's stomach rumbling with hunger here and there. You know for a fact you're not leaving him alone until Jimin comes back, but at the same time your mind's zooming with ideas on how you can help Taehyung pull himself out of this dangerous slope he's heading towards, until a seemingly considerate idea pops up in your head and you decide to voice it.

"How'd you feel if we went to a support group meeting for grief and dealing with the loss of a loved one? We'll go together. I want you to get better, Taehyung. I'm not going to allow you to fall even harder using alcohol and drugs. I know you're better than this."

Taehyung doesn't move or say anything in response, but you're sure he's heard you, so you give him some time to process what you'd just suggested. A knock on the door breaks the silence, temporarily divulging your attention to the visitor. A quick glance at the time and you know it couldn't have been Jimin, the practice usually running longer than this, but a soothing feeling relaxes your mind when you accept the food delivery at the door and begin unpacking the containers on the kitchen counter.

What you're unaware of is how Taehyung's dull eyes are only set on you ever since you'd gotten up from the couch, admiringly following you around and gratefully observing the way you're going out of your way to take care of him, even after everything he'd put you through, only a few hushed words despairingly escaping his mouth once you bring the jjajangmyeon over to him with a smile.

"I'll go with you. Thank you for saving me tonight, (y/n)."

[shmaptainwrites]

𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐄𝐘𝐄𝐒 [𝐉𝐀𝐌𝐄𝐒 𝐖𝐈𝐋𝐒𝐎𝐍]

PAIRINGS — James Wilson x fem!Reader

SUMMARY — James has a huge crush on his labmate, the only question is how long will it take him to ask her out? (Answer: it's longer than you think)

WARNINGS — cancer mentions, patient death from cancer, drugs, alcohol (don't be mistaken this fic is tooth-rotting fluff)

NOTE — Okay this fic has come up from my compulsory need to elaborate on anything Canadian so if you ever wanted to see James at McGill, this fic is most definitely for you! Also I guess it's indirectly mentioned that reader was raised in Quebec, but obviously doesn't have to be "Quebecois" for this to work

Pronounciation — Jian = Chyehn

James chewed on the inside of his cheek as he walked up to the Stewart Biological Sciences Building on McGill campus. For some reason, it was so much more intimidating now that he was actually a student. During the tour he had his mother’s reassuring hand on his back, his father’s words of comfort that he would most definitely be accepted when he applied. 

Now that he had made it, he had to prove he belonged, but it could have been worse. His friends at Harvard and the University of Toronto had told him so. He was getting the best of both worlds, a prestigious school and, hopefully, not as much pressure as the rest of them. 

Without loitering any longer, he made his way inside and looked around to find the right lecture hall. It couldn’t possibly be that hard, could it?

After his first semester James had realized he’d made a few mistakes. One was living in a French speaking part of town without knowing a lick of the language, but that one was the easiest to deal with. The others were more in the realm of the amount of sleep he was getting and underestimating how much content the professors could shove down their throats in 14 weeks. 

He was more than happy to return to New Jersey for the holiday break to rest and recuperate before going back to the winter wonderland hell that was Montreal, but this time he was confident he would be more prepared. 

And for the most part, he was. He got enough sleep, partied responsibly (except Fridays, he partied hard then), always submitted his work on time and maintained his good GPA, making up for his poor fall semester. What he didn’t expect, however, was a distraction. 

When you walked into the room James watched you curiously, he thought maybe he’d seen you somewhere before, but he couldn’t quite place it. Besides, you were much more interesting than watching his sample boil for another five minutes. 

You came and took a seat next to him, taking out your safety goggles and lab notebook from your bag before shoving it under the table. 

“You’re sample’s boiling over,” you said, but James didn’t register you were talking to him at first, still looking at you in a slightly dazed manner before you physically pointed to the beaker, making his eyes go wide as he frantically turned down the heat and removed it. 

“It’s a wonder you passed the lab safely quiz,” you teased and James blushed. 

“Good thing I don’t want to be a chemist.” 

“Oh, and what do you want to be then?” you asked, preparing your own sample for boiling. 

“A doctor,” he shared with a little more confidence. 

“Any specialty in mind or just a doctor,” you said, doing air quotes over the word. 

“I’ve been shadowing some of the researchers in the Life Sciences Research Complex and I think oncology might be a good fit for me.” 

“Yeah, as long as you don’t have to boil cancer cells you should be fine,” you assured him. 

“What about you?” he rolled on the balls of his feet as he continued his experiment. “Or are you all talk?” 

“Pfft, you think I’d be here if I was all talk?” you asked. “No, I want to be a medical researcher.” 

“Maybe you should do some shadowing in the LSRC then.” 

“No thanks, I think I’ll stick to my job there.” 

“Your job?” James looked at your wish surprise. “Aren’t you like 18?” 

“Almost,” you smiled. 

“How did you manage to get a job there? They barely let undergraduates in the labs, let alone be responsible for anything.” 

“It’s nothing fancy,” you assured him. “I just do cataloguing for now, but it's a good experience.” 

“Still,” he raised his brows, “you must be like a prodigy or something.” 

“Again, no,” you shook your head. “Just someone who goes after what she wants.” 

There was a comfortable pause where you both took down your distillation set ups and began working on the filtration portion of the experiment. 

“So what’s your name, anyways?” you asked, looking over at him. “Hey, look, clamp it this way,” you demonstrated and he followed your lead, seeing how much more stable the glassware was afterwards. 

“Thanks,” he smiled. “I’m James.” 

You told him your name and continued your work again in silence.

Chemistry labs quickly became the favourite part of James’ week. 

Ever since that lab, James began to see you in all his classes. On more than a few occasions, he’d had to steal notes from his friends on account of forgetting to pay attention. It became an easy thing to tease him about, so his friends began calling him heart-eyes, because who was he kidding, he had a crush. 

“Get your head out of your ass, heart-eyes, I am not giving you my notes again,” his friend, Carlo, shoved his arm and whispered harshly as he could see him getting distracted. 

“Sorry,” James shook his head and began scribbling down what he had missed, his eyes darting back and forth from the board and back to you. 

“Why don’t you just ask her out?” Pierre asked him after class. “Don’t you talk all the time in the lab?” 

“More like I stare at her and she says stuff to make it not awkward,” he cringed at his own actions. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Every time I’m with her I can’t string together a sentence, and– Jesus Christ you should have seen my face last week! Full on red, like I can’t even be subtle about it!” 

“Yikes,” Jian grimaced. 

“It’s bad, I know,” James assured. 

“And this is why we call you heart-eyes,” Carlo patted James on the back. 

“Yeah, say it a little louder, maybe she’ll hear you,” James said sarcastically. 

“Who’ll hear you?” the group of boys heard a voice behind them and all their eyes went wide as they spun around and saw you. 

“No one!” Jian was quick to answer in the least nonchalant way possible, making the rest of the group, especially James, stare daggers at him. 

“It’s not no one,” Carlo attempted to save face. “Just… this girl back in uh New Jersey that James’ got the hots for,” he gained confidence with every word of the sentence before adorning a smug smile on his face and patting James yet again on the back. 

“You’re afraid a girl in New Jersey will hear you?” you looked curiously at James but he just stared blankly at you. “So you call him heart-eyes?” you instead turned your attention to his friends and they nodded. “That’s cute, maybe I’ll call you that too.” 

“Sure,” was all a red faced James could get out before you excused yourself to head over to work. 

Pierre was trying very hard to keep a straight face while you walked away and James slapped both Carlo and Jian upside the head. 

“What the hell was that! Could you not have been more obvious, Jian? And Carlo, a girl back in New Jersey? Now she thinks I’m pining for someone else!” 

“On the plus side, maybe she’ll think all your blushing around her is a circulation issue,” Pierre shrugged. 

“You guys are the worst,” James shook his head and shoved his hands in his pockets, continuing to walk along the path to one of the libraries. 

“No, we just saved your ass,” Carlo caught up with him. “However terribly, but if we didn’t say anything you would have stared at her with your mouth open like a trout.” 

“Carlo does have a point,” Jian agreed, “At least we bought you a little time to get your act together.” 

James sighed, “You guys have too much faith in me.”

“You said that when I started to teach you French and you’ve come a long way with that,” Pierre said. 

“Yeah, sure I went from saying nothing to being able to say Je m'appelle James et je ne parle pas français.” 

“And what a handy sentence that is when you don’t speak French!” Pierre grinned and James couldn’t help but chuckle and shake his head. 

“Okay, I’ll try and get my act together and ask her out…and learn more French.” 

“That’s the spirit!” Carlo patted his back. “Now let’s go get a drink and relax.” 

“Maybe after we study for our physics midterm?” James nudged his friend and Jian nodded his head in agreement. 

“Fine, I guess if we have to,” Carlo sighed. 

“Not everyone is naturally good at kinematics, Carlo. Take pity on us mere mortals who have to study,” Pierre responded, eliciting a chuckle from his buddies. 

James was quiet as he thought to himself. If he could get a B on this physics test, maybe there was hope for him getting his act together after all.

—

Summer break rolled around faster than James had expected. While Jian went back to Richmond, Pierre over to Quebec City, and Carlo to Chicago, James was left alone in Montreal, working to help pay his tuition for the next year. Being an international student was no joke. 

He would have gone back to New Jersey, but the positions he applied to in Montreal paid more so it wasn’t a hard decision to make. 

His parents would come visit him for some time in July, but for the most part he was alone. 

On late nights, he’d make his way to the McDonald’s in the neighbourhood, not knowing enough French to go anywhere else nearby. At least there, most of them spoke enough English to take his order, and if not it was really easy to point to the menu. 

“It’s already done?” he asked. 

“Give us some credit, hein. We knew you were coming, we had it ready.” 

James chuckled and handed him the money for the order, exchanging it for the bag which he took to a table and sat down. 

As he was pulling out his fries from his bag he heard the chime of the door and looked up curiously to see who was coming at this time of night. 

He stopped what he was doing when he recognized you, watching as you dug through your purse and spoke to the cashier in French. You both laughed about something James couldn’t quite catch and a little while later, after you had paid they handed you a bag and an ice cream cone when James heard you say something about ‘deux cuillères’ taking the utensils they gave you and turing straight towards James’ table, pulling out the chair across from him and sitting down. 

“I thought you lived in New Jersey,” you said. 

James was still stunned that you had noticed him and couldn’t find the words to speak. 

“Hey, heart-eyes?” you waved your hand in front of his face. “You okay?” 

“Y-Yeah,” he nodded, distracting himself by pulling out his burger from his bag. 

“So why aren’t you in Jersey?” you asked. 

“Work. I got a job here, it paid better.” 

“Hmm,” you hummed thoughtfully while eating some of your fries. “And all your friends?” 

“Back with their families, unfortunately for me,” he nodded. “W-What about you?” 

“Oh, I live here,” you shrugged. “In this neighbourhood actually.” 

“You live here?” he asked. 

“That’s what I said,” you nodded. 

“And so that’s how you know French?” 

“Every kid in Quebec learns French, it’s kind of a non-negotiable,” you shared. “I gather that’s why you’re eating here.” 

“Yeah, Pierre didn’t manage to teach me enough before he left,” he sighed and started to eat his meal. 

“I could teach you if you want. I’m taking a little break this summer so I have some spare time,” you offered. 

“Oh, I don’t want to-,” 

“James, you’re gonna have a shitty summer if you don’t say yes.”

He couldn’t argue with that, it would be nice to communicate more with the people who lived around him. 

“Okay, sure, but I’m warning you, I’m a terrible student.” 

“I used to tutor one of my siblings, trust me it can’t be worse than that,” you laughed. 

You chatted a little more, finishing your meals but not before you handed James a spoon. 

“So this is cuillère then?” he asked. “I-I overheard you talking to Jean.” 

“Yeah, your pronunciation isn’t bad either,” you nodded. “Here.” 

You pushed the ice cream cone between you and began to eat it with the spoon. James had a bit of a sweet tooth and wouldn’t be one to refuse dessert so he began to share the ice cream cone with you. 

“So, are you missing your girl in New Jersey?” you asked and James cursed internally, trying to come up with a lie to tell you. 

“Um, no not really,” he shook his head. “I don’t think we would have worked out anyways.” 

“Oh, so are your friends still calling you heart-eyes?” 

He nodded his head, thinking it was better not to say anything in case he gave himself away. 

“It’s good that you recognized you wouldn’t work out before you asked her out,” you said, “Couple guys wanted to go on dates with me this year, but just didn’t seem like the right fit. Plus, I don’t really think I’m looking for anything like that right now.”

James nodded his head again, silently eating the ice cream. 

“Ever been in love, James?” you asked. 

“That’s a really loaded question to ask someone you cornered in a McDonald’s at 11 P.M.” 

You ignored his response and continued, 

“I haven’t, it seems like such a big thing, how would you even know if it was love?” 

James looked up at the ceiling, silently asking God to not let him say something stupid, 

“I think most of the time it comes on gradually, maybe you won’t even know it at first.” 

“So you have been in love,” you confirmed and he shrugged his shoulders. 

“I…I don’t know. Maybe I have.” 

“That’s not a very straightforward answer.” 

“Then maybe I haven’t. I feel like if it was love, you’d figure it out, eventually.” 

You pursed your lips and nodded your head. 

“I hope I get to fall in love,” you smiled softly to yourself. “Seems nice.” 

“Yeah,” James agreed. “It does.” 

—

A few years later… 

“So how did it go?” Jian asked, as they sat around James’ small living room. 

“It…could have been better,” James sucked in some air through his teeth, recalling a recent memory from earlier that afternoon. 

“What the fuck James! You scared the shit out of me! I could have broken the hemocytometer, do you know how much that shit costs?!” 

“Sorry!” James quickly apologized and dropped his books down on the nearest surface to help you clean up, making you look up again at him with disdain. 

“In the BSC? Really? Now we have to resterilize and all the specimens I have in there are as good as compromised.” 

“Shit,” James muttered under his breath, he was usually so much better in the lab, but the second he was with you he became a bumbling mess. “I-I’ll take care of the BSC, I’m so sorry.” 

You sighed and removed your gloves, pinching the bridge of your nose. 

“It’s not just boiling water we’re dealing with anymore, James,” you said a little more calmly than before. “You’ve gotta be more careful, okay? I’m not losing my job over this.” 

James nodded his head and went to grab the things to sterilize the biological safety cabinet and grab the new specimen from the fridge. So much for trying to get a job at LSRC to impress you. 

“I was not built to be a researcher,” James shook his head. 

“I mean, it’s not that big of a screw up, you fixed it eventually, didn’t you?” Pierre asked.

“Yeah, but not until after a thorough amount of embarrassment.” 

“I thought girls found clumsy guys endearing,” Carlo commented. 

“Not when the girl is determined to become the leading medical researcher on the continent,” James sighed. “Maybe taking this job was a bad idea. From what I can see she hasn’t even changed her opinion on dating, she hasn’t been with anyone these past three years.” 

“Do you hear that?” Carlo removed his feet from the coffee table and placed them on the ground. “You’ve been in love with her for three years and haven’t done anything about it.” 

“Who said I was in love with her? And sure, maybe I haven’t made a move, but I learnt French!” James tried to defend himself, pointing to Pierre. 

“That’s not as good of a comeback as you think it is,” Pierre shook his head. 

“I know,” James hung his head low and sat on the couch between Pierre and Jian. “We’re gonna graduate in a year and she’s not gonna know I’m in love with her.” 

“So you are in love with her?” Jian looked over at his friend sympathetically. 

James leaned back and used the heels of his palms to cover his eyes. 

“He’s gonna have a meltdown, don’t ask him that,” Pierre shook his head. 

“God, I do love her!” he exclaimed like he was just finding it out for the first time himself. 

“What did I say,” Pierre sighed. 

“Can I make it stop?” James looked over at his friends who all shrugged. “I am so screwed.” 

“This time, I think we agree with you,” Carlo took a sip of his drink. “Good luck, man.” 

James squeezed his eyes shut, he would definitely need it. 

—

The year passed to graduation and James was still sitting on his feelings. It was much too late now to say anything. You’d already been accepted to a graduate program through your work with the LSRC and James had passed his MCAT with flying colours and was on his way to medical school at Columbia. 

As much as he didn’t want to admit it, he was going to miss Montreal, the city had grown on him during his time there and a part of him wished he could stay. 

His friends were also ready for the next stages in their studies, all going to different places across the continent to get their other degrees, with, of course, the promise to stay in touch. 

James didn’t know what the next little bit of his life had in store for him, but he hoped regardless of where he ended up, maybe he’d be able to make up for his missed opportunities. 

The years of medical school, once started, passed faster than James expected them to, and by the end of it, much to his own surprise, he’d also gotten married. 

You were almost all but forgotten in the back of his mind, but time continued to play its games. 

Medical school turned into a specialization in oncology, and a divorce. Then residency and a marriage. Then a second divorce. Then another marriage and more recently a position at a hospital in his hometown, on the board and a well respected oncologist and a few new friends…and a third divorce. 

“House, I’m not asking you to let them all sleep in your apartment, it’s just a dinner for one night, we’ll be out and about for the rest of the time that they’re here,” James sighed. 

“Can’t you just cancel?” House asked. “Divorce seems like a pretty good reason to get out of a reunion.” 

“See, the thing is, I’d rather not be miserable and see my friends instead, and they bought their tickets months ago. Please, House, I’ll do the dishes for a week.” 

“A month,” House said. 

“Two weeks,” James negotiated and House nodded, so they shook on it. 

“Good, now that I’ve done you a favour, you can do me one,” House smiled, but the kind of smile that was conniving, like he had something up his sleeve all along. 

“I paid you in chores for my favour, who says I owe you anything?” 

“Unless you want me to call your friends and cancel for you, you’ll do it,” House continued to walk the hospital’s hallways hobbling with his cane. 

“What is it?” James sighed, catching up with him. 

“We have a patient and he doesn’t speak very good English, but he does speak French. You went to McGill didn’t you? Must have picked up some of the love language.” 

“Unfortunately for me in this case, I did,” he nodded. 

“Perfect, come with me now,” House motioned with his head to the patient’s room and James trailed behind him. 

When he entered the room, House motioned for him to begin speaking. James hadn’t spoken a lot of French since his undergrad so he was definitely rusty, but he supposed it was better than nothing and began to explain that he would be helping with the translation.

“Erm, Bonjour, je suis Dr. Wilson, je vais aider Dr. House avec la traduction.” 

The man looked at James strangely before saying. 

“You’re an anglophone, but you speak French like you’re Quebecois.” 

“I um did my undergraduate in Montreal, I learnt how to speak there,” James responded back in French. 

“Hmm.” 

James could tell this wasn’t going to be fun. Some of the French held quite a bit of hate towards Quebec, who knew why, but his accent definitely wasn’t going to help him in this situation. 

House got James to ask some routine medical history questions and a few things about his symptoms all the while James had to filter out all the insults that were coming his way with regards to his “poor use of language” and “unintelligible accent”. 

When he could finally leave the room, James let out a string of French curses under his breath, still thinking in the other language. 

“House, why can’t you just get a proper translator?” he asked. “I’m terrible at this.” 

“Cuddy said something about making a big purchase recently and being currently unable to do so, especially since you put that you speak French in your resume. Bet you’re regretting that one now.” 

“Yeah,” James nodded his head. “Big time.” 

They began to walk towards the elevator to go to the cafeteria for lunch, when James decided to inquire more about Cuddy’s big purchase. 

“Oh, she said something about money this, medical research that,” House shook his head, “You know I stopped listening the second she wouldn’t give me what I wanted.” 

“She hired a medical researcher,” James said aloud, chewing on the words, “I wonder who she-,” 

His train of thought was cut off when he saw, near the elevator, a face he hadn’t seen since graduation day at McGill. 

Quickly, unable to think of anything else to do, he ran into the administrative area and hid crouched down behind a photocopier. 

House watched his friend curiously before walking over towards him and leaning against the copier asked him if he’d gone insane. 

“No, I just, um, remembered I needed to copy some patient files,” he lied. 

“You don’t have any with you,” House said. 

“I faxed them from my office,” he lied again. 

“I think I need to go get Foreman, clearly you’re having a neurological breakdown,” House said. 

“Can you just stop making it obvious I’m here?!” James exclaimed in a whisper. 

Unfortunately for him, as you were walking past, his harsh whisper made his location obvious, causing you to look down and see his familiar face. 

“Oh my God, heart-eyes, is that you?” you asked with a smile and James pressed his lips in a thin line and nodded. “What are you doing down there?” 

James became speechless and suddenly he was an eighteen-year-old back in his chemistry lab. 

“He’s checking to see if we need more toner,” House said, lying for his friend, but James knew that was all he would get out of him. “Well, that’s my cue to leave, you guys have fun.” 

You reached down and offered James a hand, helping him back into a standing position. 

“I haven’t seen you in so long,” you commented. “Like since we were-,” 

“22,” James filled in and you nodded. 

“Yeah,” you bit your lip before asking him how he had been. 

“Oh, you know,” he shrugged his shoulders. “I-I’m assuming you’re the medical researcher Cuddy hired?” 

“That would be correct,” you smiled. 

“Why did you choose to work here? I thought you were some big hotshot in Canada?” 

“I am a big hotshot, which is why I wanted to come to a teaching hospital. I thought maybe it would give more opportunities to teach other people what I know. It’s a win-win. I get to do what I want to and the hospital gets grant money from my research,” you explained. “It looks like you got where you wanted to be too, Mr. Oncologist.” 

“Actually it’s Dr. Oncologist,” he joked and you laughed, making his cheeks go red after hearing the sound.

“I missed having you around, James. We should catch up sometime,” you suggested. 

“Yeah sure,” he nodded. “I-I’d love that.” 

You excused yourself, needing to go introduce yourself to a class of medical students, waving goodbye to James, leaving him stuck in his tracks for a few moments before he could gather his senses again and head downstairs for lunch. 

—

“We could have rescheduled if this was too much, man,” Carlo watched James as he brought a large roast to the table for them to eat. 

“See? What did I tell you,” House rolled his eyes and James gave him a disapproving stare. 

“No, I wanted you guys to come, we’ve been planning this for months. I wasn’t going to let anything get in the way of it,” he assured his friends. “Plus, we know how hard it is to nail down Pierre, I swear you are always travelling. Every time we talk you’re in a different country.” 

“That’s the life of a parasitologist,” he shrugged and helped James by beginning to cut the roast. 

“And Jian, how’s the wife and kids?” 

“They’re good,” Jian smiled. “Mei started first grade in September. Becky and I are both up for promotions at the hospital, so I can’t really complain. Although I think Carlo can.” 

“Seriously it’s not that big of a deal,” Carlo groaned, “Sure yeah, pharmaceuticals are more flashy than biophysics, but that doesn’t mean that my research wasn’t better.” 

“Well if it was better why did William get the award?” James asked and Carlo just flipped him the bird. 

“Didn’t we go to school with him?” Pierre asked. 

“We did?” James raised a brow. 

“Yeah, for a year, from Toronto, huge stoner. Hated being there and did literally no work, but still managed to get honours,” Jian explained. 

“Sounds like my kinda guy,” House commented and James rolled his eyes. 

Just as they continued to dish out dinner, House’s pager went off and he sighed, excusing himself from the table while practically threatening James to leave him some food. 

When House left, James’ friends saw their opening and began their personal line of questioning. 

“Hey, James, are you really okay?” Jian asked. 

“Why wouldn’t I be okay?” James asked in return. 

“You’re getting a divorce,” Pierre said. “Seems like a pretty good reason to not be okay.” 

James shook his head, 

“Yeah sure, it’s a shitty situation,” he admitted. “Did I imagine myself at this point in my life with three failed marriages? No, definitely not. Can I do anything to change it? Also no, and right now I really wouldn’t want to change it.” 

“Can we ask what happened?” Carlo queried. 

“She cheated on me, then left me,” James said simply. 

“Forgive me,” Pierre said. “But you seemed a lot more upset when we talked over the phone last week. What changed?” 

James looked down at his plate and cut into his roast, thinking about what Pierre had said. It was true, even earlier today he was sulking about, that was until he ran into you. 

“I swear,” James started, “if you guys make a big deal about this I will murder you all,” he used his knife to point at all of them and they nodded, swearing their silence. “I’ve got heart-eyes again.” 

“You met someone new?” Jian asked and Carlo shook his head. 

“No, he re-met someone old. Tell me, did your hospital recently hire a medical researcher?” 

James nodded his head and the table was about to erupt into a loud chorus of comments when James gave them a look and they all restrained themselves. 

“James, I’m being dead serious when I say this, but you should have married her,” Pierre insisted. “I never saw you look at anyone else the way you looked at her.” 

“Probably explains the three divorces then, doesn’t it? I was still in love with her the whole time,” James sighed. “It’s going to come up eventually, seems like a pretty big indicator that I’m not good at relationships.” 

“Who knows, maybe she won’t care,” Jian offered. 

“What was it like when you saw her again?” Carlo asked, looking for any opportunity to tease his friend. 

“How do you think it was? I could barely talk, I was a nervous wreck, and blushing like crazy,” he shook his head at the thought of it. “I could literally feel the blood rushing to my cheeks. I feel like a middle school girl every time I’m near her.”

“Who knows, maybe she still thinks you have circulation issues,” Jian shrugged and the table laughed. 

“What I would give to stay here and watch this play out,” Carlo sighed and leaned back in his seat. 

“Knowing James, you’d have to be here for ten years before he made a move on her,” Pierre raised a brow and James threw a piece of potato at him. 

“If you ever do get the guts to ask her out, call us. We’ve made bets on this,” Carlo added. 

“Real comforting, guys,” James ate a bite of the roast. “I thought this was supposed to be my pity party.” 

“Not anymore,” Jian shook his head. “You’ve got heart-eyes.” 

This time around, James thought maybe he didn’t mind the nickname as much as he used to. 

—

“I would think they’d get you your own office at this point,” James commented as he entered his office, seeing you sitting at his desk, eating a pre-packed lunch. 

“Beats me,” you shrugged and continued to eat. 

“So you’ve decided that invading my office is your next best bet?” 

“Oh hush,” you waved him off with your fork. 

“Well, excuse me for wanting to come to a safe place after being verbally assaulted by House’s patient,” he sat on the opposite side of the desk and leaned back in the chair. 

“Verbally assaulted?” you asked. “By a patient who isn’t even your own?” 

“He doesn’t like the way I speak French,” James rolled his eyes. “I’m translating while they’re treating him since the department used all its money hiring you.” 

“What can I say, hotshots cost a lot of money.” 

“You know, you could do the translation, probably much better than I can,” he noted. 

“I could, but you probably need the practice more than I do, chèri,” you scrunched your nose in a cute mocking way and James could feel the blood rushing to his cheeks yet again. “You still keeping up with that posse of yours?” you asked, changing the subject. 

“Yeah, they all flew in to visit a few days ago, we’re gonna go out tonight,” he said. “Do you…maybe want to join us?” he suggested. 

“I don’t have plans, as long as they’re okay with it I’d love to come,” you smiled. 

“Oh trust me, they will definitely be okay with it.” 

—

Later that night, James was drinking deeply from his glass while he watched his friends stare blankly ahead at you. If he looked anything like they did all those times his words were caught in his throat, then he hoped to spontaneously combust right then and there. 

“Heart-eyes, I thought you said they were okay with me coming?” you leaned over and whispered to him. 

James put down his glass and nodded his head. 

“They are okay with it, right?” 

Snapping out of their daze, the three men nodded their heads and finally began professing assurances that everything was fine. 

“It’s just… you said James invited you?” Jian asked with furrowed bows. 

“Yeah,” you nodded. “He mentioned you guys were in town and getting together tonight and asked me if I wanted to join.” 

James bit down on his tongue trying not to say anything, but also gave his friends a look to shut up before they gave anything away. He knew what was running through their minds, they were wondering how the hell he’d gotten the guts to ask you to come, but there was one fundamental difference between tonight and any other time he could have possibly asked you. This wasn’t a date, therefore, there was no pressure. 

“Maybe you could tell them what you’ve been up to since they last saw you?” James suggested. 

“Oh, um, well, I got my master’s degree and doctorate at McGill, both for research in cancer biology-,” 

“Cancer biology?” Pierre interrupted. “I don’t remember you mentioning you were interested in that.” 

“I-I wasn’t initially,” you admitted. “Just after spending more time in the LSRC and a few other irrelevant things I decided it was the best fit for me to focus on.” 

“You and heart-eyes make a pretty good pair then,” Carlo raised his eyebrows suggestively and took a sip of his drink. 

“I guess we do,” you chuckled. “As long as he leaves the research to me. We all know what he’s like in the lab.” 

“I resent that,” James protested only before saying, “but I do deserve it.” 

“It’s a miracle he hasn’t had a medical malpractice suit,” Pierre added. 

You asked the boys about where their various careers had taken them and how they were each doing. The conversation stayed pretty normal until the topic changed to relationships, starting with Jian’s wife and family back in Vancouver and Pierre’s husband who was currently in Australia doing research on some massive insect. 

“What about you Carlo?” you asked. “Anyone special in your life?” 

“Nah,” he waved his hand. 

“What about the mom of the kid who pet sits for you?” Jian asked. 

“That kid charges me per animal, per size. If I were to date his mom he’d probably charge me for dating her too, and I don’t think I can afford his price,” he shook his head and the table laughed. 

“James, you’ve been quiet,” you said. “Nothing to share?” 

James nervously took a sip of his drink and looked over at his friends for help. 

“James hasn’t had the best luck in love,” Pierre settled on. 

“Oh, haven’t found anybody, that’s not a big deal,” you assured him. “I haven’t either.” 

“Well,” Carlo said in a high-pitched voice. “It’s not exactly that he hasn’t found anybody.” 

“So there’s someone-?” 

“I’m divorced,” James blurted. “Three times. Or soon to be three anyway.” 

“Oh,” you paused and tried to think of the right thing to say, but for the moment settled on nothing while Pierre changed the subject. 

After the visit was over, James offered to walk you to your car and you accepted. The walk started off in silence, but you decided to break it. 

“You know, I hope you find the right person eventually,” you said. “It’s unfortunate things didn’t work out three times.” 

“Yeah,” James nodded in agreement. “I-um, do you ever think about that conversation we had, in the McDonald’s by my apartment?” 

“Sometimes I do,” you admitted. 

“Looking back on that, I wonder if we ever really loved each other. If we did this probably wouldn’t have happened. We would have fixed things, worked on ourselves instead of just…giving up.” 

“So I guess you still haven’t fallen in love yet?” you asked, but he stayed silent. “Whoever it is, I’m sure things will find a way to work out for you.”

“The moment may have passed on that,” he said with his hands shoved in his pockets and looking down at the ground. 

“You never know, James. Sometimes life has a funny way of surprising you.” 

—

James watched as his colleagues and a few of the students from the university left the lecture hall while he continued to sit in his seat, watching you walk up towards him. 

“Don’t you have patients or something?” you asked. “You’re at all of my lectures.” 

“Doesn’t it seem appropriate for an oncologist to attend a cancer biology lecture?” he asked as you sat down next to him. 

“I suppose so,” you sighed. “Doesn’t explain why you weren’t taking notes though.” 

James looked down at his empty hands and cursed a little internally. 

“It’s okay,” you assured him. “I don’t mind the staring, it reminds me of school.” 

“You noticed?” he asked. 

“You weren’t very subtle,” you chuckled. 

“Yeah, not one of my strong suits,” he blushed, embarrassed. 

“Do you wanna go grab lunch before your break is over?” you asked and James nodded, standing up and offering you a hand to get out of your seat. 

You went to the cafeteria, running into his friend House who managed to get his food paid for by James, yet again, before leaving to go back up to his office and work on another differential diagnosis with his employees. 

“Did all the guys get back home safe after their trip?” you asked, digging into your food. 

“Carlo and Jian are back home, Pierre went to go be with Ollie in Australia.”

“It must be hard not living near them.” 

James sighed and nodded his head. “It’s a balance. When they’re being annoying, it’s great that they don’t live here and when they’re not, it sucks.” 

“Spoken like a true friend,” you chuckled. 

“What about you? Do you still keep in touch with people from school? During any of your degrees?” 

“Not really,” you shook your head. “After my undergrad I became so laser focused on my school I didn’t pay attention to relationships that much outside of my family. Starting to regret it a bit now.” 

“Kind of hard to have a good conversation with cancer cells,” James said sarcastically and you shook your head. “Do you like it in New Jersey so far?” 

“Not as much as back home,” you admitted, “but it is nice to have a friend here.”

“Yeah, Jersey is…an acquired taste,” he settled on, making you laugh, but your laughter was cut off by the sound of his pager, and he looked down to see what the message was before quickly standing up. “Sorry, I have to-,” 

“Don’t worry,” you assured him. “I’ll pack up your food and bring it to your office.” 

“Thanks,” he nodded and you waved goodbye as he ran off out of the cafeteria and to the oncology floor to go help one of his patients. 

—

James didn’t find himself walking around the campus often, but when he did it was usually because he had to clear his head. With everything that was going on in his life, in addition to the circumstances of this case, he was taking it harder than normal. 

He had left his coat in his office as the hot New Jersey sun was already beating down, his hands shoved in his pockets and his eyes following his feet as he took his steps forward. 

He didn’t notice you sitting on a bench as he was passing by. Curious as to his state, you stood up and went to meet up with him. 

“Hey James, are you okay?” 

Your voice pulled him out of his thoughts almost instantly. He stopped to look up at you, seeing the concern reflecting in your eyes. 

He took his hands out of his pockets and motioned for you to walk with him. 

“I lost a patient today,” he explained. “He was 11.” 

“Oh, James, I’m so sorry,” you said softly. 

“In med school you learn pretty quickly if you don’t find a way to deal with what you face every day the result is never good,” he said and you noticed him chewing on the inside of his cheek, “but it was just too sunny outside. How could it be sunny on a day like this?” 

You didn’t say anything initially, only intertwining your hand with his and giving it a light squeeze which he returned. 

“You know, I think it’s probably okay, every once in a while, to let yourself mourn your patients. Just like everyone else. You have a uniquely difficult job, James, and no one would hold it against you if you need a minute to adjust.” 

James stopped walking and you followed his lead, only to have him let go of your hand and pull you into a tight hug. You easily wrapped your arms around his neck while his arms were around your waist. 

“You’re a good doctor, James,” you mumbled. “I know, even if you don’t quite believe it right now, you did everything you could to help that young boy and make him more comfortable.” 

You could feel him nod his head, clearly not trusting himself to say anything at the moment. 

Neither of you wanted to let go, but you knew that you both had work to get back to. James had other patients he was responsible for and you had some work to do in one of the hospital labs. 

So silently, hand in hand, you accompanied each other back to the hospital, grateful for each other’s company. 

—

“I swear, if I stay there any longer I’m going to go mad,” James whispered to you under his breath as you walked along the halls of the hospital with him to help him run some tests for a few patients. 

“What was it this time?” you asked, huddling in closer, waiting for him to spill the beans on why living with his best friend was becoming unbearable. 

“He keeps pranking me,” he began to explain and you could see how frustrated he was just by his hand movements. “Last night he thought of the genius idea to put my hand in warm water while I was sleeping and-,” James stopped himself, realizing he’d divulged too much, just as your eyes went wide. 

“Oh my God you didn’t wet the bed did you?” you asked in a chuckle and James quickly covered your mouth saying, 

“Shh! The whole hospital doesn’t need to hear you!” 

You couldn’t hold in your laugh, muffled by James’ hand over your mouth and his cheeks were a bright cherry red. 

Eventually you pulled his hand away and said, 

“You definitely need to get out of there. That’s criminal.” 

“Exactly what I’m saying,” James agreed. 

“Hey, why don’t you come over to my place tonight?” you suggested. “We can watch a movie or something together.” 

“That sounds like exactly what I need right now,” he nodded his head. “What time?” 

“Come over at eight, it’ll give me some time to get snacks and get ready.” 

“You’ve got yourself a deal,” he held out his hand and you took it shaking it firmly. 

Later that evening while James was getting ready, House watched him curiously. 

“I still don’t believe that you blowdry your hair,” he said loudly over the sound of the appliance. 

“Believe it or not, I do,” James responded. 

“It just seems so pointless, your hair is messy anyways,” he crossed his arms and James gave him a look. 

“My hair looks fine, yours on the other hand could use a trim and about a billion other things,” James retorted.

“So, is this a date?” House asked, changing the topic. 

“No, it’s not a date,” James shook his head. “It’s an opportunity for me to get away from your insanity.” 

“Are you sure it’s not a date?” he asked. 

“What makes you think it's a date?” he finally gave in and turned around to face his friend, turning off the blow dryer. 

“Well if you asked her if you could come over, probably not a date, but if she offered…” he shrugged his shoulders. 

James shook his head, he didn’t want to allow himself to believe it was true, because if it was, he’d probably overthink things and make a fool of himself. 

“It’s not a date,” he reiterated and House stopped pressing, seeing as his friend would not be reasoned with. 

James finished fixing his hair and grabbed his keys and a coat before stepping out of the door. 

It didn’t take him long to drive to your house and when he knocked at the door he heard shuffling inside before the lock clicked and you opened it. 

“Hey! You got the dress code memo,” you joked, pointing to his McGill sweater and then back at yours. 

“I thought you might like a blast from the past,” he smiled and you invited him inside. 

As he entered he noticed the array of pillows on the couch, blankets draped over arm chairs, and books piled on every surface possible. To top it off, the house was currently only lit by lamps allowing a warm orange hue to fall over the space. It made James’ shoulders relax and he could even feel his nervous heart rate slow. 

“Do you like it?” you asked. “I am by no means an interior decorator, but I tried to make it feel cozy so it’s nice to come back to after long days at work.” 

“I do like it,” James nodded. “A lot. It feels like a home.” 

“Perfect, that’s exactly what I was going for,” you smiled. “You’re the first guest I’ve had here, you know?” 

“Really? No fancy dinner parties with the hospital board?” 

“No, not yet,” you chuckled. “Unfortunately, this guy in the oncology department keeps taking up all my time.”

You grabbed his hand and dragged him over to the couch. 

“But don’t worry, I don’t mind.” 

After he took off his coat, you both sat down next to each other, James extending his hand along the back of the couch and you naturally sat right up next to him, leaning forward to grab the remote and turn on the movie. 

“What did you pick?” James asked. 

“Just some random horror movie,” you said. “I heard it’s really cheesy.” 

“We’ll see about that,” James raised his brows and grabbed the popcorn from the table, putting it in between you both. 

You pressed play once you were both settled and tossed the remote to the side of the couch, curling your legs up and waiting in anticipation for the movie to begin.

It didn’t take long for the horror plot to begin, jumping right into the satanic murders and supernatural deaths. Just as you had predicted, it was cheesy, but that didn’t stop you from being startled whenever something popped up unexpectedly on the screen. 

Both of you were lulled into a false sense of security during what seemed like a quiet part of the movie, then, all of a sudden, the killer jumped into the frame with a loud change in the soundtrack, causing you to shriek and move towards James, also feeling him jump slightly from being startled. 

You both looked up at each other and laughed at the ridiculousness of your collective fright. 

“You’re supposed to be the calm one,” you elbowed him. 

“I know it just-Jesus!” James found himself inadvertently closing his eyes and wrapping his arm around you as if it would give him some protection from what was on the screen. 

You laughed again and leaned closer into his side, patting his leg to assure him it was safe to open his eyes again. 

“You must enjoy torturing me, that’s the only explanation for this,” James looked over at you and you shook your head. 

“Come on, heart-eyes, you think that lowly of me?” 

James couldn’t stop the smile that creeped past his lips, “No, of course not.” 

“Good, that means I still have the upper hand,” you moved your head to look back at the TV, but not before James tickled you in retaliation for your words. 

It took a moment, but you eventually surrendered and moved your focus back to the movie, still feeling a little warm from your laughter. 

You grabbed some of the other candies and snacks from the table, holding a gummy bear up for James to try and he did without so much as a second thought. 

“Still have a sweet tooth I see,” you offered him a different candy which he ate again and nodded. 

“You don’t want to know how many cavities I’ve had.” 

“Here,” you handed him a wrapped treat. “This one’s special from home.” 

“Maple candies,” he smiled. “They don’t make ‘em like they do in Montreal.” 

“They were your favourite, right?” you asked. 

James looked over at you again curiously, “You remembered that?” 

“Of course I did,” you shrugged. “Oh wait, look,” you pointed to the TV before grimacing and covering your eyes, but still peeking through your fingers. “Ew!” 

James just smiled at you, finding it harder and harder to resist the urge to kiss you, the thought bringing a warm sensation to his stomach. 

He settled instead on doing what he’d been doing forever: staring at you with heart-eyes. 

—

James tried to fight a yawn as he grabbed one of the many books on the shelves in his office, taking it to his couch and sitting down next to you. 

“You don’t have to do this, James,” you told him. “You probably have to be back tomorrow morning, you should go home and rest.” 

“No, no, it’s fine,” he insisted. “You look in here for that article I was telling you about and I’ll start proofreading.” 

There were many papers and files strewn around the couch, you couldn’t remember when you first came in, but James never seemed to mind when you worked in his office instead of your own. 

“Are you sure?” you asked. “I feel like I brought a tornado in here.” 

James looked up from your paper and nodded his head. 

“Now hush and let me read.” 

“Sorry, sorry,” you chuckled, opening the medical journal he had handed you, flipping through the contents until you found the article title he had mentioned. 

James had a pen in his hand, scribbling down annotations on the side, correcting a few typos and grammatical errors. 

For the most part, he was able to follow along, but at one point, the words became so incoherent he tapped you to make sure his eyes weren’t playing tricks on him. 

“What does this say here?” he asked. “I-I don’t know if my eyes just stopped working, but what does stirring in sugar and eggs have to do with this trial treatment?” 

“Oh my God,” you grabbed the paper and looked at it closer. “I must have accidentally copied some of my mom’s cookie recipe on here before changing documents. What in the world is going on with me?” 

Maybe it was the exhaustion settling in or some other things James couldn’t quite pinpoint, but he felt himself letting out a chuckle that grew a little longer, and longer until it was a full blown laugh. 

It was an honest mistake, and arguably not that funny, but you’d be hard pressed to convince him of that in that moment, and instead, seeing the silliness of the situation, you joined in.

Eventually, when the laughter died down, you and James both leaning far back against the couch, he turned to you and apologized. 

“I’m sorry, I should probably read this when I have a bit more sanity.” 

“Don’t be,” you patted his leg. “I can always use a good laugh.” 

With your heads still turned to face each other, you suggested to pause the work and resume it another time, to which James agreed. 

You both continued to sit there in silence, looking over at each other and James caught a glimmer of something in your eyes and had to blink a few times to make sure it was still there. It was a soft look, a little dazed, like you were happily daydreaming about something far off. It took him a moment to realize it, since he had been the one giving that look, he’d never really had a chance to see it for himself. 

You had heart-eyes. 

And more importantly, you had them while you were looking at James. 

With a sudden boost of courage, fuelled by lowered inhibitions, he started by asking, 

“Have I ever told you why my friends call me heart-eyes?” 

You tilted your head a little, following his lead and sitting up straight. 

“Wasn’t it because of that girl you had a crush on that was from here?” 

James opened his mouth and then shut it, shaking his head. 

“There was never a girl from Jersey,” he admitted. 

“Why would they say it was a girl from Jersey if there was…” as you said the sentence you slowed down, the realization dawning on you. 

“All the staring makes a bit more sense now?” he asked. 

You blinked a few times, “I just thought you were really awkward,” you said. 

“I was, but if the staring didn’t give it away the blushing really should have done it,” he chuckled. 

“I thought you had a circulation issue!” you exclaimed and James burst out laughing, of course you did. “God, James, why didn’t you say anything?” 

James shook his head, “I could barely string out a coherent sentence when I was around you. Makes it a little hard to say anything.” 

“Makes me wish I had said something,” you said, feeling your own cheeks heat up at the admission. 

“Y-You would’ve said something?” 

Now it was James’ turn to be surprised. 

“I think most of the time it comes on gradually, maybe you won’t even know it at first. That’s what you said to me, but that eventually, if it was love, I’d know it.” 

You reached out and held James’ hands in your own. 

“I should have said something. I could have said something. We could have had so much more-,” 

“James,” you whispered, interrupting him and he stopped. “Shut up and kiss me.” 

James wasn’t going to waste another second, removing his hands from your to instead gently hold your face, bringing you closer to him so he could finally do what he had been dreaming about since he was 18 years old. 

The dim light of his desk lamp, the papers crumpled beneath and around you, the way you moved closer and slid into his lap, his hands now on your hips and your fingers snaking through his hair, it all melted into one and if you let yourselves imagine, just a bit, the lamp became a light in the library; the papers became unfinished homework assignments and lab write-ups, and you hadn’t missed a second of the time you could have spent together. 

Your kisses soon turned slow and repetitive and neither of you wanted to pull away, living in the moment like it was your last. 

“When…did you realize…you loved me?” you asked between kisses, moving away from his mouth, instead letting your lips find their way across his jaw and up to his temple. 

“Our last year of school,” he paused your kisses so he could kiss you properly again. “Carlo said something and-,” he shook his head and sighed. “I realized I was going to leave without you ever knowing how I felt and even though eventually I thought maybe I’d stopped loving you and started to love other people…I just kept trying to fill that space that only you fit in.” 

“First year of my master’s for me,” you rested your forehead against his. “Suddenly you weren’t there anymore and I really wished that wasn’t the case.” 

He tilted his head up to meet you in another kiss that was far too easy to melt into. Neither of you had any complaints and you knew you’d never get tired looking into his heart-eyes.

@cuntyvicodin

[peachhcs]

THE NEW BREAKUP TIMELINE!!

hughes!sister x will smith au (samy + will)

after some consideration, i'm changing the breakup timeline for our lovely friends samy and will!!! wooohooo!! (because let's be real, could i really drag it out that long? no.) i've bulleted everything that's changed, so take a read and see what's new!! i will be writing bigger fics for the major points so don't worry, but if there's any bullets you want expanded into a fic or blurb, let me know!!

i will still keep the previous breakup timeline fics up, we'll just pretend some of it doesn't exist and it's like a parellel universe to the au lmao. the charm bracelet still does exist btw!! but yay!! enjoy new samy and will timeline!! i just love them so much i couldn't drag it out more, so i changed it up!! also yes will's new post may have influenced this decision as well :))

au masterlist

will breaks up with samy a few days after they get back from worlds (end of May) 

will signs with the san jose sharks (end of May) 

samy and will don’t speak for the month of June (the longest they’ve gone without talking)

will goes to the bauer combine where he talks to this girl in hopes of getting his mind off samy, but it doesn’t work because when he makes a joke that the girl doesn’t laugh at because only samy gets, will realizes it’s all wrong and he shouldn’t have broken up with her 

this highkey makes him spiral hard because he realizes how big of a mistake he made 

he panic calls gabe and ryan in hopes that they’ll tell him what to do 

gabe and ryan tell him that he needs to talk to her!! 

will’s scared to reach back out because what if samy doesn’t want to talk to him (rightfully so)  

he goes back home for a bit where he confides in grace and his mom (for once!!) 

they tell him that he should reach out if he wants it’s really up to him, but he needs to realize he lost all of samy’s trust because of what he did and said, so she may not warm up to him as quickly or easily 

meanwhile, samy sees all the content of will at the combine which makes her happy and sad at the same time 

happy because he’s experiencing all these things and meeting so many new people, but sad because she misses him and wishes they worked something out between them or at least talked more before will made that decision

she doesn’t reach out though. too scared and not wanting to distract him from working on all his media things 

another week passes and now it’s july which means the smith + hughes family vacation is coming up!! 

(i said will would skip out on this, but i’m changing it so he does end up showing up) it’s the first time they’ve seen one another since the breakup so two months 

they’re kind of awkward and avoid each other at first because they’re only really there because their parents forced them to be 

samy hangs around on the deck or anywhere away from the boys because she knows wherever her brothers are, will is there 

(jack, quinn, and luke are like lowkey still pissed at will, but they cool off a bit when they talk to him about it more and see that he really regrets it and wants to get back together) 

on the third day, samy and will can’t keep avoiding each other. they’re the only ones awake one night after a long day going out and about with everyone 

will approaches samy first when he finds her down on the dock just sitting by herself 

they talk some awkward small talk before getting into the meat of everything 

in short, will admits he messed up, he was just scared of the distance and not being good enough for her because he’s gonna be so far away once summer’s over and he doesn’t want to hold her back from anything 

samy half forgives him, but tells him she wishes he talked to her more. basically, will’s going to have to work to get her trust back and he definitely knows that, so they decide to start back as friends before jumping into anything

after that talk, the rest of the vacation is less awkward and they slowly warm back up to one another which the parents are happy to see 

the smiths go back to boston after the vacation, so samy and will don’t see one another again until the end of july/beginning of august when will’s move out is coming up  

they still talk a bit over text though 

(the farewell party is a bit different now and will knows they’re coming instead of finding out the morning before and they talk at the party again. another mini reunion again) 

samy talks with gabe and ryan privately later that day about her and will. 

once the party’s over, samy and her family and the guys stay back for a bit and they all just hang out like old times

later that night, will gets samy alone again. they make cute little small talk which leads to will asking samy to fly out to california with him to help him move in like they always talked about 

she agrees and so they’re all flying out that next week  

they spend that whole weekend decorating will’s apartment and making it “him” 

the day before samy flies back home to start her own pre season camps for soccer, will takes a chance and takes samy out on a date 

it’s like they never even broke up in the first place on that date 

by the end of the night, will asks samy if they could try again and he promises he won’t fuck it all up again 

samy agrees and they get back together with the promise that the distance doesn’t matter no matter what happens!! 

[joelswritingmistress]

You Scare Me, Professor: Chapter 16

Summary: The reader is taking graduate classes at a local university in the wooded upstate New York. She is drawn to her professor, Dr. Joel Miller, though she is also inherently aware that he has something dark about him that she can't quite put her finger on. As the reader's attraction grows deeper, she has to decide whether to endure the danger or run away as fast as possible.

Warning: Brief mention of S.A.

Pairing: Professor Joel Miller x f!reader

Five-thirty in the morning. Monday. It had been the day I had been dreading since I’d been whisked away to Dr. Miller’s castle of mystery on Thursday evening. The crushing weight of my feelings overpowered the unanswered questions and the part I tried to ignore - the red flags. I was completely seduced by everything my professor had to offer, from his body to his perplexing home, to the way he looked at me and all of the secrecy involved. Magnetic was the only adjective I had in my mind that could accurately describe how things felt.

When my alarm sounded off, waking both of us, Dr. Miller turned it off and cuddled me close for another extra second or two, holding me from behind.

“I’m going to make you breakfast,” he explained, kissing the top of my shoulder. “Go take a shower.”

I turned to face him and our noses touched as I spoke. “Okay.”

Dr. Miller kissed me and my hand naturally moved to his face. Why did this day have to come? Would I ever get the chance to come back here? Were his words in the heat of our passionate weekend truthful, or just said in the moment?

“I’ll drop you off at work.”

It suddenly dawned on me that I had left my car on campus all weekend. Before I could say anything about it, Dr. Miller spoke, again, like he could read my thoughts.

“I had your car towed to your house,” he informed me. “It’s paid for. I just didn’t want anything to happen to it all weekend unattended.”

I opened my mouth to speak but then stopped.

“I hope that’s okay,” he added. “If there’s anything wrong with your car I’ll personally-”

“No,” I shook my head to let him know I wasn’t displeased. “Thank you.” I couldn't believe I hadn't even given a single thought to my car. And I couldn't even wrap my head around Dr. Miller having it towed to my house.

“I’ll pick you up from work, too,” Dr. Miller offered, and then added, “If you’d like.”

I smiled at him now, beginning to truly feel that the obsessive, little thoughts that had creeped into my brain were mutual. Dr. Miller wanted to be around me as much as I wanted to be around him. He was doting on me and making sure I was happy and content. I loved how he took care of my every need.

He pecked my lips and I took his face in both hands now and kissed him hard. Dr. Miller reciprocated, kissing me back with just as much intensity as he moved partially on top of me. After a whirlwind romance from Thursday night through Saturday, Sunday had been far more low key after the odd all-nighter that still left me uneasy during any downtime where I had too much time to think. I was ready to get back to the whirlwind.

Dr. Miller parted his lips from mine with a deep breath. “Save it for later.” He dove back in for another kiss, “You’ll be late for work.”

“So what.” I giggled and he kissed me hard again. “We have ten minutes to spare.”

“Mmm..” he grunted the word and I could tell there was a hint of playful frustration that lingered in his response. Dr. Miller’s hands locked mine down onto the bed and he moved fully on top of me. “You don't play fair.”

“Neither do you.”

I made it to work on time that morning - barely. When he dropped me off near the main entrance of the building I was thankful no one I was close with was around to ask questions.

Dr. Miller left me with a steamy kiss behind the tinted windows of his Mercedes and tapped beneath my chin with his first two fingers.

“I'll be back at three-thirty,” he assured me.

“Okay.” Our lips touched again and he waited until I was inside before driving off.

Things almost felt foreign when I walked in through the doors of the building I had been working in for so long. It wasn't the surroundings. I felt different.

“Feeling better?” One of my coworkers greeted me with a smile as I entered the office.

“A lot better.” I smiled back., “Thanks.”

All day behind my desk I went through the motions, but my mind was elsewhere. Thankfully everything on my plate that day was routine and I didn't have to think too hard about what I was doing.

My mind flashed back to all the highlights of the weekend. If I was being completely honest with myself, it was the best weekend of my life.

But where did he go Saturday night?

I knew, in time, I had to ask. I had to know.

The hours ticked by like molasses in winter. Each time I paid attention to the clock it had only ticked by in small increments.

Am I being toxic? I wondered. Is my current obsession truly unhealthy, or is it normal to feel this way about someone early in the relationship? Am I Dr. Miller’s girlfriend? Am I just some random girl to him? I didn't think the last one was true. I wasn't the most intuitive person out there, but I knew I couldn't be reading this wrong. The man dropped me off at work and offered to pick me up. He could've politely suggested I go home at any point in our long weekend together but he didn't.

I breathed and looked at the clock again, suddenly wondering where I would be sleeping that night. Another wave of excitement and anxiety washed over me at the thought. I truly felt like my brain chemistry was being altered from all the dopamine releases as of late. I wasn't complaining, but I hadn't exactly relaxed or turned my brain off for an extended period of time for well over a week - possibly a little longer.

“Hey (Y/N).” My coworker, Olivia, wheeled her chair across the low, blue carpet.

“Hey.” I smiled. “What's up?”

“You're taking classes down at Woodbridge, right?”

There was the adrenaline shot again. Anything that had to do with Woodbridge or Dr. Miller instantly put me into that hyper alert mode.

“Yeah.” I nodded nonchalantly, masking it all rather easily.

“How crazy is it about those girls who were killed?”

“I know.” I shook my head. “I was in class nearby when they found the first body. There was a whole crowd gathered around and reporters and stuff.”

“Wild.”

“I know.”

“At least they have a suspect in mind.”

“What? They do.” Olivia had my attention now.

“Yeah, it was on the news this morning. The police even raided his house this morning but he wasn't there.”

“Who is he?”

“Some guy named Alec Pryor. Registered sex offender, confessed to some seriously messed up shit in the past.”

I shuddered. “That's so scary.” I cringed. “And he was just lurking on campus.. waiting.. ugh.”

“Yeah apparently he got released back in, like, April.”

“They should never let those guys out.”

“Right!” Olivia nodded. “Sexual assault is the lowest kind of crime you can commit. The absolute worst. They should just kill those guys. Get rid of ‘em.”

“I know.” I scrunched my nose and shook my head. “So, where is he then? Did they pick him up somewhere else?”

My work friend whipped out her cell phone and began typing furiously with her thumbs before staring at the screen. She scrolled for a moment and adjusted her circular glasses before pausing as she read up on something.

“This article says..” Olivia angled her body toward mine. “They have yet to find him.” She made a face that broke the tension and made me crack a faint smile. “But they're on the hunt for him, currently.”

“Yikes.”

“Don't go anywhere alone when you're near that campus,” she advised.

“They'll catch him,” I said, only slightly confident that that was true.

“I hope so.”

“So crazy.” I repeated the name to myself. “Alec Pryor.”

“Looks like a creep.” Olivia turned her phone around and showed me a picture of the scowling, middle-aged man in a former mug shot.

“They should post his face all over the place so people are aware,” I said.

“I think they are.” She scrolled some more, “Oo, this one is calling it a ‘manhunt’.”

“That means he's on the run,” I said and added, mostly to make myself feel more secure. “He's probably hours away by now.”

Olivia shuddered and rolled back to her desk. “Be careful. That's all I'm sayin’. This is exactly why I have two German Shepherds.”

“I don't blame you.” I sighed, welcoming the interaction. It was a perfect distraction. I needed it to get my overdriven hormones somewhat back to neutral.

A little female bonding did just that, helping the work day move along a little faster.

When the day finally neared its end, I caught a glance of the Mercedes out one of the many windows in the office. I smiled to myself and hurried to finish up the last of my work and respond to the last few emails.

The time between three-fifteen and three-thirty felt like hours. As soon as the minute hand aligned vertically with the number six, I grabbed my coat and headed out the doors with a quick farewell to everybody.

I didn’t know if anyone was looking when I hopped into the passenger side of Dr. Miller’s car. I didn’t care. All I cared about was the man sitting behind the wheel.

“Hey, baby.” He flashed a cool smile in my direction as I climbed in and I slammed the door behind me.

“I love it when you call me that.” I leaned over and we shared a smoldering kiss. Again, I was thankful for the tints. I was breathless when our lips parted and settled beside him in the vehicle. Dr. Miller rested a hand on my knee as he put the car in drive and cruised out of the parking lot.

“Why don’t you let me drive you home,” he said.

I swallowed hard when he didn’t say anything more. Home? I had to go home and sit there and think of him and what he might be doing? I had to sleep without him? I had to-

“I’ll help you pack some things and then you can..” Dr. Miller shrugged, “Decide how long you want to stay at my place.”

Fuck. I calmed down immediately from the insanely frantic thoughts he caused by the dramatic pause. There was the push and pull of emotions again.

“How long am I welcome for?”

“For as long as you decide.” Dr. Miller glanced over at me as we drove and we both smirked.

“Well, then I better pack heavy.”

Dr. Miller’s grin widened as he stared out at the road. “Suit yourself.’

CLICK HERE FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER

@untamedheart81 @suttonspuds @cesspitoflove @michilandcof @grogusmum @morallyinept @akah565 @brittmb115 @magpiepills @poodlebae @gobaaby-blog-blog @mermaidgirl30 @mandijo17

[the-boy-meets-evil]

can't run away | vernon

summary: running is the only life you've ever known. running away from your home planet, running away from anyone that gets too close, running away from officials, running from other smugglers. it's not easy but it's better than the pain that comes with staying in place and definitely better than getting caught. everyone has heard of you but nobody actually knows you. the last thing you want is to take on a passenger, especially when that passenger is a robot from one of the most popular groups in the universe. why would you let him stay when nobody else ever has? pairing: ai!vernon x smuggler!afab!reader word count: 15.6k genre: sci-fi au, angst, fluff (?) warnings/content: vernon is an automaton, reader is a smuggler (across the galaxy), references to injury (when vernon escapes, to reader as well), questionable methods of finishing a job (reader), suggestions/implications of sex/hook-ups (reader x unnamed characters), questionable legality on the jobs, exploring emotions for automatons, fights, open/ambiguous ending rating: mature (this is SFW but i prefer only people 18+ interacting with my blog) a/n: thank you so much to @idyllic-ghost for this incredible collab and this banner. i don't think i would've written a sci-fi fic otherwise and it's been so much fun. check out all the other amazing fics here! also thank you to the loml @hot-soop for *volunteering* to read through this fic. you're an angel. finally, thank you to @strawberryya for letting me use your brain and your planet.

“100 years ago it was thought that the Earth, as we know it, would disintegrate. That the sun would implode and leave everything in darkness. Miraculously, it didn’t. Due to some external force, human scientists still haven’t agreed upon what it exactly was, none of the planets in our former solar system were ever destroyed. The Earth, along with the other planets, were pushed away from each other, and ended up in different parts of the universe. Earth just happened to come to a solar system with alien life. At first, we were cautious, and people were prepared to fight. However, the aliens were welcoming of our planet. Those of us who didn’t die from ‘The Great Journey’ or from trying to fight the aliens, were welcomed into the new solar system. Soon enough, we had integrated completely, and we received materials and assistance from our sister-planets in exchange for human labor. What humans knew of technology was very limited, but with the resources of the aliens we created artificial life forms. We named these robots Automaton, and they served as workers when humans couldn’t. Eventually, there was no need for human labor at all. To pay back for the help the aliens gave us, we used Automatons. With the extensive development of these robots, we eventually managed to create artificial sentient life. These Automatons were human-like in looks and had human consciousness, but they could not bleed and were stronger than we ever could be. At the present time, there are even different levels of Automatons. Level 3 robots are the workers, level 2 robots are the caretakers, and level 1 robots are the celebrities. The Automaton music group 53V3NT33N (SEVENTEEN) is made up of 13 members, all very talented, and all representing two human states of mind.”

*+:★:+━━━+:★:+━━━+:★:+*

“Chirron,” you call and wait for his hum to let you know he’s listening, “we have to go. Like 10 minutes ago.”

“Why don’t you try something helpful?” he shoots back at you. 

“The last time I got near the controls, you slapped my hands and shrieked,” you answer.

“I did not, it was not a shriek,” he hisses. He’s not really offended, it’s just how the two of you are. You’ve run hundreds of jobs together at this point and there’s nobody else you’d trust. And certainly nobody that’s better at getting your ship in the air and away from trouble. “And it was for a good reason. You’re a menace to society and to the controls, specifically.”

“Every button looks the same,” you huff.

“Will you just shut it for 2 seconds so I get us off this awful planet?” Chirron asks.

“Hey, this is my home planet!” you protest. You’re not sure why you’re distracting him like this when you want to leave just as badly as he does. Need to for the sake of your job.

“I swear to…” he says and stops to pinch the bridge of his nose. “Just a minute, I’m begging you.”

There’s a retort about begging on the tip of your tongue, something you know will get under Chirron’s skin. Something you know better to say and are going to say anyway. Really, what’s the worst he could do? Except just as you’re about to say it, someone comes rushing in through the open door of your ship.

Chirron seems to register the newcomer, but says nothing. In fact, he goes back to working on one of the control panels that’s currently preventing you from leaving the planet. That leaves you to deal with this new person. Or…no, could he be an automaton? There’s something familiar about him that you can’t quite place. There’s also something that doesn’t scream human about him. Maybe the blue hair or the way he moves through expressions. He looks relieved now even though you’re a complete stranger. 

“Please, help me,” he rushes out, already moving from relief into something else. He reaches out to take your hands in his and you barely have time to register it. “I’m begging you, I’ll do anything.”

Your first instinct is to flatly tell him that you won’t help him, that you can’t. After all, you’re not exactly the type anyone looks to when they need help. A fact Chirron is always quick to point out. But, you also see that this could present an interesting opportunity for someone such as you. And maybe now you can make some begging jokes without getting your head bitten off.

“And just what are you willing to do?” you ask, arch an eyebrow as you watch the expressions cross his face. 

“Oh, well I can…you know, I could…” he sputters along and you laugh. 

Just as you’re about to take pity on him, you see a rush of guards coming through the spaceport. It’s the last thing you want to see. Your papers are solid and you’ve already made the very real excuse of needing to fix one of your systems before leaving the planet. Then again, you’ve had enough close calls for a lifetime and you’re not really looking to add another one to that list.

As you watch, the guards talk to some other people milling about in the spaceport. The man who rudely burst onto your ship seems to catch that you’re watching something and immediately ducks down. If you weren’t a little nervous about the guards coming aboard, it would be comical. He’s literally not even hiding behind anything.

“They lookin’ for you?” you ask quietly and clock the answer in his eyes before he even opens his mouth.

“I think so,” he says. 

You sigh and ignore Chirron looking back at you. “Back that way, there’s a door in the wall on your left. Nobody ever knows it’s a door, but run your hand on the wall, you’ll feel it.”

“What?” he asks.

“Go,” you hiss and walk towards the open door.

It’s perfecting timing, too, because two of the guards are approaching. One of them, thankfully, is one you’ve dealt with before. And it’s mostly been positive. At least you know he can’t seem to stay away when you breeze in and out of this part of the planet. With any luck, he’s in a good mood. 

“Thought that was your ship,” he says with a smirk, ignoring the look from the other guard. 

“Guilty,” you smile. “Always nice to see you, Kyun.”

“You two know each other?” the other guard asks skeptically. 

“Sure, she runs cargo,” Changkyun says. You can’t fully fight the smile because you know it means you’re safe after all. The two of you have spent enough time in his bed, post hook-up, for him to know that’s not the whole story.

“And I would be gone already because we’re behind schedule, but we had a little mechanical trouble,” you say, laying on the act a little thick. 

“Need a hand?” Changkyun offers. 

“We’re supposed to be asking about someone,” the other guard reminds him. 

“It’s fine, we’ve got it handled anyway,” you say and send Changkyun a flirty smile before turning to his partner. “Ask away.”

“Have you seen an automaton running through here? Blue hair, about this tall, wearing a plain white shirt,” he asks and you pretend to think for a second. 

“There’s been a lot of people coming through,” you offer apologetically. “I think I did see someone with bright hair rushing off in that direction. Could’ve been blue.”

“You’re sure about the hair color?” the other guard asks. 

“Not really, it happened fast. But it could’ve been blue,” you shrug and then look like you’ve realized something. “Wait, there isn’t a reward is there?”

“Last I heard, you were doing fine,” Changkyun says and you smile as his partner walks off to share your info with a group of guards. 

“Can’t blame a girl for trying,” you say with a wink. 

“Make sure you come by next time you’re here,” Changkyun says with that look you’ve seen before. 

“I will, promise,” you say. 

“Have a safe flight!” he calls. He’s already heading off to join his partner. 

When he looks back, you wave. For good measure, you look over your shoulder like Chirron said something and nod. You’re closing the hatch with a last wave to Changkyun. Once you’ve also made sure the shields to protect anyone from seeing in are activated, you head back to find your new friend. 

“Seems like people are looking for you,” you say when you open the door.

You don’t bother waiting to see if he’s going to follow you when you walk back towards Chirron at the front of the ship. The blue haired man, who still hasn’t introduced himself, follows you instantly and then ducks when he sees the windshield in front of him.

“They can’t see you,” Chirron says in a bored voice. Mostly likely unimpressed by a decision you don’t actually remember making.

“You almost done?” you ask again.

“Yes, actually, that little disruption got you to leave me alone long enough to fix it,” he says with a glare at you. “Now be quiet again.”

“So rude,” you say quietly without any bite.

“Control, Vega Three requesting clearance for take off,” Chirron states over the communication system.

“Clearance granted,” comes an immediate response. 

“Finally,” you say and take your seat next to Chirron. You twist over your shoulder to look at your unexpected guest. “I’d buckle in if I were you, sweetheart.” 

“Are you…are we taking off?” he asks, seemingly unable to sit still.

“Unless you had a different idea when you tried to sneak onto a ship,��� you respond. 

“But you don’t…” he begins.

“You’ve got your reasons for wanting to get off this planet, and we’ve got ours, best to discuss those once we’re actually off the planet. So, strap in,” you instruct.

The stranger in question doesn’t need to be told a third time, thankfully. He slides into the seat behind Chirron and buckles himself in. With a sideways glance at you to confirm he’s clear, Chirron uses the recently repaired controls to get you going and safely off this planet. Even though it’s your home planet, and you definitely can linger, this job is a little sensitive. You really can’t afford to be late on the delivery, though your reputation with this buyer is spotless. It only stays spotless as long as you finish your jobs as quickly and discreetly as possible. 

If you expect the stranger to say something as Chirron navigates you out of the spaceport and into the air, you’re left wanting. When you look back, you find him relaxed back into the chair. It’s like he’s completely at ease. Or maybe just feeling a lot of relief that you let him stay on board. Or even relief that you lied to the guards. Something you do often, though he doesn’t know that. His eyes close as Chirron types in the course to autopilot until you get close to your destination. 

While the stranger rests, something kind of surprising to you given that he doesn’t know you at all, you briefly wonder if it’s sleep or just a sort of recharging. Chirron claims your attention and you quietly discuss your plans for once you get to your destination. Salax is known for…discretion. People don’t tend to ask that many questions there because of the types of humans and aliens alike that follow their desires there. But, since it’s a place for your deepest desires, people are also wary of suspicious behavior. You’ve spent plenty of time there, both for your own pleasure or, like now, for a job. 

The downside to this planet, though? It’s the type of place no robot would ever be seen. Certainly not a Level 1. They’re far too pure for that. And judging by the number of guards employed, and the fact that you were on Earth, you’re willing to bet your new passenger is a Level 1. So that’s going to add its own unique set of challenges. Something that has you buzzing with adrenaline, but has Chirron looking sterner than usual. 

“We need to know who he is,” Chirron repeats quietly.

“And we will,” you answer easily.

“If he’s a Level 1…” Chirron starts before trailing off.

“What? You’ll turn me over for the reward you asked about?” the stranger asks. You’re a little startled because you didn’t realize he had woken up. Or stopped resting, whatever.

Chirron scoffs as he takes in your amusement. “No.”

“It’s not a ridiculous question,” he insists.

“It is if you know her,” Chirron says and nods in your direction. 

“Why? You’re wondering if I’m a Level 1 so you know how high the reward is,” he insists and you finally take pity on him.

“No, I have no intention to collect some reward for you, if one even exists,” you confirm. 

“But why?” he asks. He’s fidgeting in his seat like he can’t sit still. It’s interesting to see when he was resting so peacefully without moving.

“Because,” Chirron interjects, clearly intent to take away any fun, “she prefers not to deal in things as meaningless as currency or credits.” 

“How do you live?” he asks, genuine curiosity coloring his face. 

“I’ve got enough credits to keep us going for years,” you answer vaguely.

“What else is there to work for?” the stranger wonders. 

You turn your seat fully so it’s facing him and lean forward, dropping your voice a little. “So many things, sweetheart. Favors, information, gossip…secrets.” 

His eyes go wide, like it’s something he’s never considered before. And he probably hasn’t. If he’s a Level 1, and you’d bet your ship that he is at this point, then this is so wildly out of normality for him. The Level 1s are pristine, like the celebrities of the galaxy living in luxury with someone to help keep them functioning at the highest levels. They’ll never see the types of jobs that Level 3s see, those jobs that nobody else wants to do. They’ll never work the way that Level 2s do, or have to work for humans in that way. Which isn’t to say their lives are perfect. It’s just not the kind of life where they see the dirty types of jobs that you and Chirron are used to. 

“Why don’t you give me a name, sweetheart? Unless you prefer the pet name, which is fine by me,” you say.

He hesitates, before saying, “Vernon.”

You and Chirron look at each other, like you’re both wondering why this automaton seems familiar and why everyone is looking for him.

“Well, V3RN0N actually, from 53V3NT33N,” Vernon adds.

And that makes everything fall into place. Not that you pay much attention to groups of performers like that, it’s kind of hard when you’re constantly on the move, but everyone in the galaxy knows them. Everyone in the galaxy also knows that the members just…disappeared. There isn’t much information, at least not from reputable sources, about what happened. Thankfully for you, you don’t really deal in reputable sources. So you’ve heard your fair share about the escapes, each tale sounding a little wilder than the last. You at least know someone is desperate to find all 13 of the automatons, given how popular the group is. Or maybe it’s because they’ve resorted to asking in places they’d normally never be caught to find information.

When you assure Vernon that your previous statement still stands, that you’re far more interested in your form of currency than any reward you’d get from turning him in, he relaxes a bit again. He’s worried, still, that he admitted to complete strangers who he really is, but you give him your real names. You tell him what you actually do, despite Chirron’s protests. That’s when he starts telling you all about the escape. The way that he got away, the way he doesn’t know what happened to his other members, the way he hopes they’re all okay too. 

It’s a little depressing and a lot too close to home for you to hear what life was actually like for Vernon and the other Automatons in his group. Not that you’ve ever been famous or had people across the galaxy expecting you to perform, but you know a thing or two about someone else making your decisions. Chirron knows it too, knows your story intimately, so he probably also sees where this is going before you do. 

It’s difficult, you think, to listen to Vernon talk about his experiences and why he chose to run. Humans and aliens had worked together to create these new beings. Perfected them until they were indistinguishable from humans and even gave them emotions. Yet beings like Vernon and his group are expected to just perform. To essentially serve at the wishes of the public for entertainment value. Have to uphold the highest standards and can’t ever do something that would look bad. Have to remain pure, whatever that means. 

From there, you come up with a plan. One that will at least give you time to come up with some next steps on Salax. Vernon is restless again when you share your destination. Of course he’s never been there, but he knows all about it. It’s hard to tell if he’s just nervous that he’ll look out of place or if he’s curious about what actually happens there. In either case, you need to make sure he’s prepared for the stop. There isn’t much choice anyway, you’re on a schedule and he’s just an unexpected passenger. Before he can continue protesting, you send him to the back of the ship to look through the clothes and accessories. Anything to hide who he is.

“He’s not you, you know,” Chirron offers.

“I know that,” you answer.

“Do you?” From anyone else, the question might sound accusatory. From Chirron, it only sounds concerned. 

You sigh. “I do, but what they put him through is awful.”

“He’s an Automaton,” Chirron reminds you.

“I’m well aware,” you say with a slight snap to your words. “You heard him, though. And you’ve seen the Automatons we’ve come across. It’s different.”

“Does he know what you’re going to tell them when we get to Salax?” Chirron asks, switching tactics. 

“Do you?” you ask back.

“An overly sheltered Automaton on Salax?” Chirron raises an eyebrow at you. “You’re going to bring him along as your ‘date’ who’s just testing the waters to see if it’s his thing.”

“I am not that predictable,” you retort. But you don’t disagree because you can’t.

“What else would you say?” Chirron asks.

“I don’t know, I just hope it works,” you say.

“Luckily for him, you’re a frequent visitor,” Chirron says with a shrug.

You decide to let that comment lie. Partly because you don’t want to argue with Chirron too loudly and draw Vernon’s attention. Partly because he’s not entirely wrong. You do like to spend time on Salax, looking for things that you can’t find when you’re constantly on the move. Looking for people that don’t expect you to be there when they need you. That’s something you can’t do. Chirron would ask ‘can’t or won’t’, but the difference hardly matters.

After another minute you go and check on Vernon because you really do need to get going. For a number of reasons. He’s dressed and looking like he’ll at least moderately fit in at the club you’re taking him to. It’s clear he still wants to stay on the ship, or to go with Chirron, but you remind him that won’t work. Chirron is leaving the ship to get supplies for after your errands and to make sure you’re ready to leave the planet. Even without Vernon, you don’t want to linger. Not this time. Going with Chirron to run errands would be even more suspicious. He so rarely has anyone around when he’s anywhere, let alone Salax. He keeps to himself so the appearance of a beautiful stranger would be out of character. No, it’s much easier to have Vernon with you. You’re much more likely to have someone around on this planet. And you’re certainly had enough beautiful strangers with you on Salax to blend in. You ignore the way Vernon reacts each time you call him beautiful because, really, it’s just a fact.

Vernon tags along a half step behind you when you leave the ship. You’re considering telling him to walk beside you when you think you might as well sell it. If you’re going to be telling people that he’s your pet, just someone you picked up for the time being, then it makes sense that he wouldn’t walk quite beside you. 

This club is so familiar to you. Once you’re inside, you make your way to one of the back rooms, the same room you always meet your client in every time she hires you. Nobody asks questions as it is, but certainly not of her when she books private rooms. You know she’ll be seeing someone else before or after you. Or both, knowing her. 

Thankfully, Vernon keeps his head down like you told him to while you’re winding your way through. You offer the occasional smile or nod as you see people that you know, people you’ve worked with professionally and people you know personally. Some look at your companion, but nobody says anything. Both you and Chirron were right. Though this puts Vernon in contact with more people, it’s far less conspicuous. Besides, with his hat and clothing, nobody would guess he was a Level 1. 

Circe is waiting in her back room, sprawled out on her lounger when you enter, surprisingly alone. Then again, she probably got word when you landed and then again when you entered the club. As usual, she looks completely stunning in her figure hugging outfit. It’s enough to send anyone’s mind into overdrive.

“My, my, darling,” she says as she takes in both you and your companion. “I would scold you for keeping me waiting, but you’ve brought company.”

“You know I’d never dream of keeping you waiting,” you say with a smile at her. “We were…held up a bit. Had some ship trouble.”

“And picked up a new toy,” she comments. “Please, sit.”

“Ah yes, well he’s…curious about expanding his horizons,” you say with a glance at him. The two of you sit in front of her.

“Maybe we can share,” Circe offers and you chuckle.

“Circe, love, he’s nowhere near ready for that,” you answer.

“Always keeping your prettiest toys from me,” Circe pouts.

“Now you know that’s not true,” you chastise. “The last time I was here for fun rather than work…”

“Was very fun, that’s true,” Circe concedes. “Should I assume you’re not staying around this time, then?”

“I’m afraid not,” you say and inject as much sincerity as you can.

“Would that happen to be because he’s one of those escaped Automatons?” Circe plays it off like idle curiosity and you only smile fondly.

“If he were, what kind of fool would I be to bring him here?” you wonder.

“The kind that does trust me despite your insistence that you trust nobody other than yourself and Chirron,” she answers without missing a beat.

“Well,” you shrug.

“I thought…” Vernon says quietly to you.

“Relax, whoever you are is no concern of mine. She knows I won’t blow your secret because I know that there’s nobody better in the galaxy than her at what she does,” Circe says softly.

“You flatter me,” you say. This time the sincerity comes in earnest.

Circe waves it off like it’s nothing. You also know she means what she said. “I assume you have what I sent you off for?”

“Of course,” you respond and reach into your bag.

“This is why I protect her,” Circe says, leaning forward like she’s sharing a secret with Vernon. “I’ve never met anyone that can do a sensitive job for me like she can.”

“And have you met a lot of people?” Vernon asks.

Circe’s eyes sparkle. “You may be one of the only ones who can understand when I say thousands, probably.”

You watch the interaction for a moment because it’s so mundane, so simple. Shaking your head to clear the scene, you hand over a small device. Circe takes it and examines it for a second, looking over the markings on the side. Her smile is almost instant.

“This looks full,” she comments.

“It is,” you answer.

“How sensitive is the material?” Circe asks. 

You hesitate and look over at Vernon. “I wouldn’t watch it with just anyone. There’s…well I don’t have to tell you that people get more honest when they’re in compromising situations.” 

This seems to amuse Circe as she watches you form your words. It’s different from how you usually are and it’s entertaining. “Are you in it?” 

“No,” you answer with a little laugh. “Someone owed me a very big favor. Well owes me several favors, actually. He’s not off the hook yet.”

“I’ve known you for years and I still don’t think I understand the extent of your network,” Circe observes. 

“Probably not,” you acknowledge.

“And what about you, my little mystery, what do you owe her?” Circe asks Vernon.

“I’m…” he starts, looks over at you for guidance. “I’m not sure yet.” 

“That’s dangerous,” Circe adds. 

“We haven’t really figured…” Vernon begins, still very nervous. “She got me off Earth.”

“That’s actually part of what I needed to talk to you about. I need to get him an introduction to someone,” you say. Circe’s eyes turn back to you.

“To whom, darling?” she asks.

“I’m not sure,” you admit. “I need a recommendation. Someone that you trust that can help him disappear. Help him reappear as someone new.” 

Circe regards the pair of you for a moment. Probably a moment too long for Vernon’s comfort. “I can’t help you.”

Your frustration gets the better of you before you even consider the why. “Can’t or won’t?” 

“Pumpkin,” Circe says, full of affection and patience that you’re not sure you deserve. “I know the kind of favors you’re offering for something like this. I’d be stupid to turn it down if I could help you, but unfortunately I like you too much to pull the wool over on you.”

“Why can’t you help?” This, at least, comes out calm.

“I’m not sure where to turn, not now at least. There are too many people looking for him,” Circe admits.

You sigh heavily at that. In the seven years that you’ve known Circe, this is a first. It’s the first time you’ve ever presented her with a problem that she couldn’t solve. It leaves you feeling a little helpless, a feeling that you really don’t enjoy. Maybe she takes a little bit of pity on you because she does tell you to see one of her workers before you leave. He can help Vernon look a little different, at least. That’s all she can do, though, and she knows she’s still going to owe you after this. 

So you’re going to have to take Vernon with you, at least for now. You feel some amount of responsibility, even though he jumped onto your ship. But he’s far too sheltered for this life, too innocent, too naive. He isn’t hard around the edges like you, doesn’t know that he can’t trust anyone, hasn’t been hurt by people he depended on. 

You finish up the conversation with Circe and say your goodbyes. It completely slips your notice that Vernon isn’t right behind you when you head out the door.

“Wait a moment,” Circe says, lightly grabbing Vernon’s arm.

He looks down at the place her hand touches his arm before meeting her eyes again. The confusion on his face must be clear.

“Be careful with her,” Circe says. Vernon’s eyebrows only knit further in confusion. “I love her dearly, but it always comes at a price. She’s the kind of girl you’d name one of those hurricanes after back on Earth.”

“I’m not sure…” Vernon tries to begin. Circe waves a hand to quiet him.

“She’s wild and wonderful,” Circe says with a soft smile that only lingers a second. “But she will destroy everything in her path.”

Vernon is about to say something when you pop your head back through the door. “There you are, come on. We should really get going.”

Vernon looks back at Circe, tries to make some kind of sense of what she said. It’s pointless, though, and instead he just follows you out without a word.

If Vernon is expecting you to head straight back to the ship, he’s mistaken. You wind through the hallways like you’ve been through a hundred times before. Which is entirely possible, it’s not like Vernon knows much about you or your history. He just knows he couldn’t navigate back out if he got lost, so he stays close. It’s not that has a bad memory, it’s just that his brain is currently on overdrive. He’s thinking about what Circe said about you. But he’s also just taking in all the things he never even knew existed.

It doesn’t seem like you’re heading anywhere, even when you stop. The room is empty except for a large desk in the center. Vernon wants to ask what it is you’re doing. One look at your face tells him not to. You quickly reach into one of the drawers, like it’s the most normal thing, and pull out another device that looks like the one you gave to Circe. You stow the device in a pocket that Vernon hadn’t even noticed and make your way back out without another word.

In fact, you don’t speak again until you’re back on the ship. Vernon has a second to note that Chirron is missing before you head to the control panel and start pressing buttons. The door closes and something seems to shift with the windshields. It’s like the ship is going into some sort of shut down. You walk back past Vernon to a table and slide into one side of the booth. Vernon takes the cue and slides in across from you.

“So that didn’t exactly go as planned,” you observe. 

“You were expecting her to help,” Vernon says and you nod. 

“Circe knows everyone, has eyes and ears everywhere, so it’s…well I don’t want to scare you, but it’s concerning that she can’t help hide you,” you say.

“Maybe I should just go back,” Vernon wonders out loud.

“Look, you ran away for a reason and I know the kind of desperation it takes to just…run onto some random ship,” you let him know. “I’m not really sure why I’m helping, but I’m going to help. There’s just one rule.”

“What is it?” Vernon asks. He already knows he’s going to agree.

“Whatever I say, you have to follow,” you say. It sounds so simple, Vernon is sure there’s some kind of catch when you continue. “If I say run, you run. If I say hide, you hide. If I say leave me behind, you have to.”

“But…” Vernon starts and you shake your head.

“I’m going to try to find a solution, but I have to keep working too. And this isn’t exactly a safe line of work,” you tell him.

“I’d gathered,” he says before he can stop himself. You chuckle.

“At least you’re observant,” you say.

Since Chirron isn’t back yet, you send off a quick message to him that you’re going off the ship for one more quick stop. That you’ll be back within the hour and ready to go if he is. With that out of the way, you take Vernon to see Circe’s friend about blending in a little better. You’re just hoping that this isn’t going to be a waste. And also hoping that nobody recognizes him in the meantime because the last thing you need is for your name to be plastered next to his.

*+:★:+━━━+:★:+━━━+:★:+*

Two hours later, you’re all back on the ship and taking off. With a quick message to Circe, you thank her and request that she keep you updated if she hears anything interesting. Thankfully, she seems to know what that means and there’s nobody better to keep an eye out. Vernon looks different, too. His hair is a different color and style, his eyes are no longer the same shade, his clothing is entirely different, even some of the shape of his face is different. Despite his protests, you also got him a face mask and sunglasses to wear. Although he thinks that it’ll make him stand out, you insist that in your line of work, it’s standard.

Although you know you need to talk, you tell Vernon that it’s time for you all to get at least a little sleep. Chirron put it on the slow track to allow everyone a chance to rest before getting to their next stop. It’s standard practice for the two of you, but entirely foreign to Vernon. 

Once you wake up again, it’s time to talk. “We need a story.” 

You, Chirron, and Vernon are sitting at the table in the main part of the ship. The ship itself is on autopilot to your next stop, which Chirron says will take at least 3 more hours.

“Better late than never, I guess,” Chirron says.

“Would you stop being grumpy?” you fire back.

“No,” Chirron answers without hesitation.

“Uh, a story for what?” Vernon interrupts.

“Who you are and why we’ve let you join our missions.” Chirron gives the straightforward answer before you can be a smartass. 

“Does there need to be a story?” Vernon asks, causing Chirron to sigh.

“Yes, there does,” is all Chirron says.

You shoot him a look. “Our entire livelihood depends on us staying off the wrong radars, which we’ve been good at. But it also depends on our current…clients continuing to trust us. You’re new. And while our reputation is excellent, we tend to deal with a lot of people who value privacy and secrecy over everything.”

“So she can’t just tell them we’ve picked up a rogue celebrity on the run and just go with it,” Chirron says.

“Maybe I should just…” Vernon starts.

“What? Get off the ship and try to hide on your own?” you wonder. 

“I don’t know,” Vernon says.

“Remember what I said when you got on the ship? The one rule is to do what I say?” Vernon nods at your question. “That’s still in effect, sweetheart.”

“So what’s the plan?” Chirron asks you.

“What are you good at? Besides singing and dancing?” You direct this question at Vernon.

“Rapping, not singing,” Vernon corrects quietly. “What?” you ask.

“I rapped, I didn’t sing,” Vernon tells you. “And I produced some of our tracks. In my free time, when I actually got it, I played a lot of games.” 

You’re looking at Vernon like he just handed you the easiest line and he doesn’t realize it. His head is down, he’s not confident about anything he said. But you know better. You know that he just handed you the perfect solution.

“You any good with tech, then?” You try to throw out the question casually. 

Chirron actually approaches a smile then. He knows where this is going and enjoys the way Vernon’s head pops up. It’s almost endearing the way his eyes go wide and he looks innocent again.

“Uh, yeah, I’m decent with it. I, well I used to try and practice any time I could get my hands on any tech. I had to use all the programs to produce the songs, so I got pretty good at it,” Vernon says.

“Chirron, I’d like you to meet our new tech specialist,” you announce and Chirron chuckles. 

“Bout time I didn’t have to stumble my way through reprogramming shit,” Chirron says.

“I don’t know,” Vernon says.

“Look, I’ve got plenty of old tech on the ship that you can practice on. After the next job, we’d planned a break anyway. So, for real, I won’t pick up anything new…” you start to outline.

“Thank fuck,” Chirron whispers, silenced by your look.

“And we can lay low at our place while you figure out if you’re really our new tech guy,” you say. 

“Your place?” Vernon asks.

“Yeah, I mean we’re not always on the move,” you say with a shrug. 

“Okay, might as well try, I guess,” Vernon says.

“That’s the spirit,” you encourage.

Vernon shits in his seat and winces. It’s the first time that you’re actually looking at the way his body moves. You hadn’t even looked when he changed or when he had his appearance worked on, hadn’t checked for injuries or done any of that. You’re not used to having someone new around. For all yours and Chirron’s faults, both of you trust the other and know well enough to admit if you’ve been hurt. This new addition doesn’t.

He winces again and runs a hand over his chest, something he clearly hopes you don’t notice. You do, though. His eyes meet yours and he looks scared, like he’s still not sure if he can trust you. Like he’s still on edge with every move.

“Are you okay?” you ask, voice gentle so you don’t scare him.

“This is all a bit weird to get used to,” Vernon answers.

“That’s not what I meant,” you level. 

“It’s nothing,” he insists. 

“Vernon, if we’re all gonna be in this, then you have to tell us what’s going on,” you say with as much care as you can muster. Certainly more care than Chirron is used to.

“It’s not that bad, it could be a lot worse, it’s just…well it’s the communication device that I used to have. My manager, he had to stay behind, he’d been loosening it for weeks so it wasn’t as painful when it came out but I had to run before he could finish. And I almost got caught trying to have someone fix it for me,” Vernon says. 

“You’re going to need to let us see,” Chirron says. Vernon looks between the two of you before he lifts his shirt over his head. Beneath it, he’s wearing a bandage that wraps around his body. You lean forward to start unwinding the wrapping, needing to get a look. It’s weird, you think, to brush your fingers against his skin and have it feel so much like your own. Weirder still is seeing the partial hole leftover in his chest. You can see where some of the edges need to be smoothed and where he needs to keep it covered. Vernon doesn’t seem nervous under your touch, which reminds you that he’s not actually human, despite how much his upper body seems like he would be. 

“Chirron, can you go get me my toolkit?” you ask.

“What are you going to do?” Vernon asks suspiciously. 

“I’m going to do everything I can to make it more comfortable while we’re on the ship and then we can figure out next moves once we land,” you say.

“You don’t know what you’re doing,” Vernon protests and you just raise an eyebrow. 

Chirron reappears with a box and stifles a chuckle at the scene. “I wouldn’t be so sure.”

“How do you know what to do?” Vernon tries a different question.

“She worked as a Automaton mechanic for almost a year,” Chirron answers, taking your fun of torturing him away.

“I thought you were a criminal,” Vernon admits and this does make Chirron laugh. You join in. 

“I’m a lot of things, sweetheart, I’ve lived a very full life,” you say and don’t offer any further explanations. 

*+:★:+━━━+:★:+━━━+:★:+*

Back home, you get settled and suggest you all get some rest before you decide on next moves. You know that Vernon doesn’t actually sleep now, but you also know he has to recharge. Which is all sleep is anyway, so you send him off to his own area to recharge. Once you’re all awake again, Chirron helps you come up with a more permanent solution to the whole where Vernon’s communication device used to be. It’s painful, you know that it’s painful for him and you wish you could help. But you can’t. All you can do is help him through it and know that when you’re done, he shouldn’t be in pain anymore. He takes even longer to recharge after you’re done. When he emerges, though, he does feel a lot better and he’s incredibly thankful.

It’s been just over three weeks since Vernon ran onto your ship without looking back. Just about three weeks since you finished the last job after leaving Salax. Chirron has loved every minute of getting to take the break. In fact, you’ve gone entire days without seeing him while he takes time for himself. It’s one of the longer breaks you’ve taken and he’s actually enjoying it. 

You, on the other hand, don’t like to be still. Don’t like to be stationary. It gives you entirely too much time to think and to remember all the reasons you’re in this position now. For the first few days, you tried to give Vernon his space like Chirron. He had more tech and gadgets than he’d seen in his entire existence, which is good. It seemed like he was enjoying getting to work on them and learn as he went. Annoyingly, he took to it almost immediately.

But then he seemed to realize that you didn’t like to be left to your own devices. That you’re the opposite of Chirron and would probably never stop moving if you had the choice. So he asks if you would be willing to keep him company while he works through things, insists that he doesn’t need silence in order to work. Actually, he thinks that he’s gotten a good handle on it and it would be better having you around. Even though you look skeptical, you take him up on the offer. 

While Vernon works (and occasionally curses at something, using a swear word he learned from you), he asks about your life. Usually you keep all of that to yourself. It’s not really comfortable for you to share the parts of your past. But this isn’t a normal situation. Meeting someone like Vernon isn’t an everyday occurrence. So you find yourself telling him things that it took you months or years to tell Chirron without giving it a second thought. Everything just feels…easy. There’s no other word. Vernon has experienced things you couldn’t ever imagine, but he’s still so new at people and interactions. There’s no fear of judgment with him. It’s almost refreshing. 

Vernon listens intently as you talk about your childhood and how you got to where you are now. It’s hard for him to really imagine having parents like yours that loved you and cared for you. That’s not an experience or relationship he’s had, even as close as he is to his other members. When you start to talk about things getting harder, you pick up a communication device to start fidgeting with it. Something you may not even realize but Vernon has learned enough of human emotion to know you’re uncomfortable. Not so uncomfortable that you stop talking, just unused to talking about this part of your past. The emotion is clear on your face when you talk about losing your parents, even for Vernon to pick out. Although you insist they weren’t perfect, they were all you had and you were way too young to try and make it on your own. Yet that’s exactly what you had to do. Exactly what landed you here. 

It surprises Vernon when you’re equally as interested in hearing about his experiences up until this point. About how others interacted with him, about what his emotions are like, about just generally how he feels. Which catches him off guard. He can’t remember a time in his existence where someone has actually wanted to know how he was doing in that way. Sure, people cared that he was performing at the top level and there were plenty across the galaxy that claimed to care about him. But Vernon could not recall someone asking him how he felt about any of it like he had a choice to feel anything at all. Not until you, that is. 

So that made Vernon want to talk. He started at the easiest place to tell you about performing and about his members. Even with the space and distance from them, he thinks he did genuinely care for them, genuinely enjoy being around them. He realizes that he enjoyed the performing aspect of it too. What he found he didn’t enjoy was the control and the treatment behind the scenes. He was always a commodity, always expected to do as he was told. Never permitted to see other parts of the world, interact with others the way he might want to. None of his time was ever truly free, his every move was watched. It was fine, at the beginning of Vernon’s consciousness, to live that way. 

However, as Vernon became more aware of the universe around him, he began to feel that he was missing something. He wanted to see more, know more, experience more. It made him restless. Sure, he’s not human, or even alien, and he can’t bleed or die the way others can. But he was given consciousness, given the ability to think and move freely, the ability to form bonds with others, the ability to question. With that had come the thought of something more than he currently had. All of that had led him to this moment. 

It’s hard, hearing about the life Vernon led. But you can also see how talking about his feelings with someone that cares changes him. He’s able to sort through feelings that he never considered before. It’s really nice to be able to offer that to him, to be able to support him in such a human way. Whatever else is true about the Automatons, they clearly have enough consciousness that they deserve to be treated far differently. 

It also naturally flows into you sharing what work actually looks like for you and Chirron. And Vernon now that he’s joining the team. You outline the jobs you take, the types of clients you have, the methods that you use to get a job done. Vernon seems a little wide-eyed at some of the jobs you take or how you get them done. But that’s when you remind him that getting a job done by any means necessary is kind of your whole motto. He doesn’t have to worry, you’ll never put him or Chirron in a compromising situation and never ask either of them to do something they’re not comfortable with. If it’s something…compromising, you’ll always do that yourself or call in a favor from your network. Although Vernon doesn’t look like he likes the answer, he accepts it.

Neither you or Vernon notice the moment when your days shift. What started as the two of you going about your days separately before ending up chatting about something turned into being together throughout the day, not even really tracking the last time Chirron had been by. Although you assured Vernon it wasn’t really an issue, both you and Chirron wore bracelets with trackers in them so you’d always know where the other was. That’s a relief, because honestly Vernon likes this comfort between you and him. He does ask if he should get a bracelet too and you say that you’ll get him one as well. 

Finally, though, all good things must come to an end. You manage to call Chirron back so that you can move forward with your plan. Everyone is still looking for Vernon and his other members, but it seems that nobody has reported any sightings. At least not of Vernon. 

“Are you ready to move back out?” you ask Chirron over dinner.

“If we must,” he sighs. Then he turns to Vernon. “Though I should thank you, actually, she’s never stayed still for this long.”

“Not like she’s stayed still while we’ve been here,” Vernon offers. 

“Hey,” you protest. 

“You haven’t,” Vernon doubles down. He’s different now, much more comfortable pushing back against you like an equal rather than someone who just needs to be saved. 

“This is still unprecedented for her,” Chirron says. “I was sure we’d be back on a job within the first week.” 

“Okay, okay,” you interrupt. 

“Do you have a job lined up for us?” Chirron asks.

“Several, just deciding the right one. I’m going to reach out to Circe first, though, on the unsecured line just to plant the first seeds,” you say.

This is part of the plan. You trust Circe, despite your insistence that you don’t trust anyone, but you can never be too careful. So you have two ways to talk. One is the most secure, locked down communicator in the galaxy and it’s strictly for sensitive jobs or when you can’t drop in to see her in person. It’s how she’s been keeping you updated on any rumblings about Vernon. The other is for things that wouldn’t matter so much if someone else saw it. 

You: hey love, just wanted to let you know that we finally expanded the crew beyond chirron and myself Circe: about time, who’s the new addition? You: he goes by sol, caught the fucker trying to hack one of my comms and offered him a job on the spot Circe: only you Circe: so you finally have a tech specialist? You: looks like it Circe: well stop by the next time you’re in the area, first round’s on me

Vernon offered up that he was also called Hansol as an actual name. Though he preferred to keep going by Vernon, Sol would make for a good name to resurface under. Nobody would be able to put those two together, so it seemed safe while still ringing at least partly true. You taught him that the best cover stories or lies had a little bit of truth to them. It made it easier to navigate. 

Predictably, after reaching out to Circe, you got several more job requests. Each one came with a message that they’d heard about the new addition to your team and were looking forward to hiring you even more. Which is exactly what you wanted. Although the other two had initially been skeptical, they had come around. There was undeniable logic in the idea of Vernon hiding in almost plain sight. Nobody in their right mind would go looking for a missing Automaton on a ship of questionable legality that made frequent stops on a planet like Salax. Everything in his programming should have stopped that.

Which just leaves picking a job to start with, something you do all the time. Vernon can tell you’re a bit nervous, and he is too honestly, but it’s going to be okay. It has to be okay.

“I’m just gonna remind you before we head out,” you start, allowing Chirron to go ahead onto the ship, “you can leave any time you want. After the first two jobs, that is.” 

“But you’re still gonna be doing this, right?” Vernon asked.

“Yeah,” you answer quickly.

Vernon shrugs. “I’m with you then.” 

“Vern,” you caution. He only shakes his head.

“I wanna stick by you, you’re the first person that’s ever given a shit about me,” he says. 

That makes your heart skip a beat, which you don’t really have time to consider since you’re supposed to be taking off any minute now. In fact, if you don’t follow Vernon onto the ship, you’re sure that Chirron is going to come storming off to yell at you for holding them up. There are certain windows that you need to operate in. So you file the feeling away to be dealt with later, like so many other things in your life, and get on the ship. You still have a team to run. 

*+:★:+━━━+:★:+━━━+:★:+*

Everything goes fine with Vernon on the team. At least for a while. That’s the good thing about the type of work you do. Nobody really asks that many questions about your team or your backgrounds or where you were before. Nobody really cares, honestly, when your reputation is spotless and you’ve never missed a job. Honestly, you think that this whole situation is pretty perfect. Even Chirron, ever the pessimist, seems satisfied. 

Which is why you don’t see the issue coming. You should, you know it’s your job to see every possible outcome and calculate the likelihood of success, but you don’t see this one. Don’t anticipate something going wrong because of Vernon nearly blowing your cover. Don’t even consider that he might have an issue now, when it’s been weeks, with your methods for getting something done. Don’t think that you have to remind him that the number one rule when it comes to jobs is by any means necessary. 

Yet that’s what happens. He turns remarkably human, even with the restlessness that you’ve come to expect, when the three of you are sitting with an unsuspecting mark. Another human that doesn’t realize you’re on a job rather than just enjoying some drinks on a night out. You’re getting ready to take the mark to a backroom so that you can get the information you need and Vernon seems like he wants to stop you. Actively tries to delay you, actually.

“Baby, it’s getting a little crowded in here, why don’t you go ahead and see about a room reservation,” you say, offering your most seductive smile. The mark hesitates for a moment, thrown off by Vernon’s last comments.

“I would hate to get in the way…” he begins and your hand is on his arm immediately.

“I assure you, you’re not,” you say with eyes only for him. “I promise, I’ll meet you at the desk in just a minute.”

“How can I say no to that?” he asks, enamored with you again. Like too many before him.

The second he’s out of earshot, Vernon exhales and opens his mouth to say something. You’re quick to plaster on the same smile. 

“Chirron, take him back to the ship and wait for me there,” you say quietly, making sure nobody can hear you and nobody realizes you’re unhappy.

“Look, I’m sorry, I just…” Vernon starts.

“Not here,” you respond quickly, keeping the smile in place.

“Okay, but…” Vernon tries again, but Chirron is nudging him out of the booth.

“Let’s get something to eat, I’m starving,” he says without bothering to be quiet. He knows your moves well enough to play along.

“All you think about is food,” you jibe affectionately.

“Don’t take too long, we’ve still got work to do,” Chirron calls over his shoulder as he leads Vernon away.

You watch the two of them disappear into the crowd before you join the mark. Thankfully, he seems so taken by your flirting that he accepts your excuses of your friends being hungry. Everyone gets a little cranky, he sympathizes. The desk attendant offers you the key to one of the private rooms and you lead the way, feeling the mark following you without needing to check. 

*+:★:+━━━+:★:+━━━+:★:+*

It takes a little longer than normal and definitely longer than you’d like before you’re also headed back to the ship. This mark needed a little more foreplay before he was ready to spill the secrets that you need. Or maybe you’re a little off your game from the near issue that Vernon created. You know you’re good, you’ve done this enough times to know that you can be irresistible, but you don’t like unexpected interference. You definitely don’t ever expect that to come from your own team. And you don’t like having to resort to different plans, like you did tonight. Normally, you don’t take it that far. No matter. You got what you needed.

Once you’re heading back to the ship, you fire off a quick message to Chirron to ask if he’s got any food leftover on the ship. He knows it’s code. You’re asking if he actually went to get something to eat or if they went straight back to the ship. His answer comes immediately. They do have food, he lists off what the leftovers are, but you took too long and it might be cold. A suggestion to get your own food if you’re hungry. And also a suggestion to take an extra beat if you need it before you come back to the situation on the ship. So you take heed and pick up some food from your favorite stand before returning to the ship.

Both Chirron and Vernon are sitting in the booth as soon as you turn around from closing the hatch. Chirron looks tired, like he’s run an entire marathon in the time since you parted ways. Vernon looks restless, like he’s barely able to stay seated. Maybe that’s why Chirron looks so worn out.

“What the fuck, Vernon?” you ask as soon as you’re sitting down and setting out your food.

“What do you mean?” he asks as if it’s a completely unreasonable question.

“You nearly blew our cover!” you retort. 

“Because you were going to…you were taking him, you were going to…” he stutters out.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, I was going to fuck him,” you cut over him.

He blanches at the bluntness of your statement. Even after all the time he’s been around you, he’s still surprised. “Well that’s just…you shouldn’t have to do that.”

Your eyes flick to Chirron, as if you’re asking what he’s been doing the last two hours that you were indisposed. 

“He doesn’t want to hear what I have to say,” Chirron says. Vernon glances between the two of you. It’s still foreign to him that you can communicate without using any words.

“No, I don’t,” Vernon agrees. 

“Well, you should,” you say flatly. “Chirron is just as much in charge as I am. Whatever he says, also goes.”

“Not when it comes to you doing…that,” Vernon says.

“No, that was my choice,” you agree. 

“And you shouldn’t have done it,” Vernon argues.

“According to who, Vern?” you ask. 

“You just shouldn’t have to…use your body like that,” he says and looks down. He’s embarrassed, but you’re not sure why.

“Sweetheart, you knew the game. I told you that jobs get done by whatever means necessary. I told you that I’d never ask you or Chirron to do what I did, but that if it came to it, I would do it,” you explain.

“I didn’t think you were serious,” he says quietly.

“So, what? You thought you’d come in like some Knight to protect my honor and risk blowing the job?” You’re a little incredulous at that.

“I don’t know, I just didn’t like the idea of you and that guy…” Vernon starts and stops. Chirron, thankfully on the edge of the booth, gets up then.

“We need some supplies before we leave here. I’ll go grab them,” he says and leaves before either you or Vernon can object. 

“What was the first rule, Vernon?” you ask when the silence gets too deafening.

“That we finish jobs by any means necessary, I know,” he huffs out.

“No, the real first rule. When I agreed to help you,” you prompt, voice soft. He finally looks up at you. He knows and doesn’t want to say. “That, no matter what, you had to listen to what I told you.”

“I know,” he answers like a defeated man.

“Then why didn’t you?” you press.

“I don’t know,” he admits. “I just…I knew you were about to go into that back room with that guy and I knew how far you’d be willing to go to get what we need and it just…it made me mad.”

“Mad?” you ask. “Why are you mad?” 

Vernon is frustrated, you recognize it immediately. Not because of what you did, or not entirely, at least. He’s frustrated because he’s feeling an emotion that he doesn’t understand and doesn’t know how to describe. This isn’t the first time you’ll have to walk him through sorting it out. But it is the first time you’re not sure if you can. You’re nervous about what he’s feeling and why.  Nervous about what he’s going to say. Nervous about what he’s actually feeling. 

“I don’t know,” he admits. He’s frustrated. He doesn’t like not understanding how he’s feeling. “I just, I had this feeling in my stomach when you started making plans with that guy and I didn’t like it.”

“That’s understandable,” you offer.

“Is it?” His question comes quickly. “I wanted to, I don’t know, I wanted to tell him to get lost or just tell us what we needed to know but stop looking at you like you’re a meal. Or like you’re something to win. You’re not a thing, you’re a person.”

You’re relieved, mostly, because you think you can identify this emotion in a way that doesn’t complicate an already overly complicated situation. Your smile at him is soft, sofer than he’s seen on you since you left the break between jobs. Softer than you give to anyone on jobs and far more genuine. “Yeah, it is understandable. It just means you care, you’re protective over me.”

Vernon seems to consider this for a second like he’s not entirely sure that’s it. Seems to want to say something else. “I do care about you.”

“I know you do,” you say.

“I don’t like feeling like this, like I want to protect you and I know that I can’t,” he admits. 

“It’s tough,” you agree and then decide to admit something. “I feel that way about you, too.”

“You do?” Vernon looks hopeful, like you understand.

“Course I do,” you say easily. “I feel, I’m not sure, responsible for you, I guess. Like I threw you into this life without much choice and I worry that I’m putting you in more danger than when you ran onto the ship in the first place.”

“You’re not.” He’s quick to reassure you. “Life in the last month or two with you has been better than my entire existence up to meeting you.”

That shouldn’t warm your heart, shouldn’t make it beat irregularly, shouldn’t make you feel something more than just the care you mentioned. It does, though. It’s making you feel a lot of things that you really don’t need to be feeling.

In contrast, Vernon seems much lighter. It seems like he’s relieved by understanding the care he feels for you is normal and relieved he could let you know how good things have been since he met you. It doesn’t go deeper for him, at least not now. Not when you gave him a simple name for the emotion. You don’t think he realizes that you’re in your head about the entire conversation and what this means for the two of you going forward. You don’t think he realizes that there’s another emotional explanation for his reaction and you’re not going to tell him. 

*+:★:+━━━+:★:+━━━+:★:+*

Vernon thinks about that conversation with you a lot over the next several weeks of missions. He thinks about how he felt watching you make plans to go somewhere private with a person that you called a mark. He thinks about the feelings that boiled up inside of him that he described as anger when they felt like much more. He thinks of the way you react to him almost ruining a mission and how you reacted to him after you got back. He tries not to think about what you did while he waited in too much silence on the ship with Chirron. 

He spends the most time thinking about what you didn’t say. Even though he’s not sure what it was, he knows there’s something. Your face can be really expressive when your guard is down, as it usually is around him and Chirron. Part of him wants to think he reacted the way he did only because he cares about you in the same way that Chirron does. That you’re a team, some kind of weird version of a family that protects each other. But then he remembers how you went quiet after he accepted, with relief, the idea that it was only caring about you. Too many times, he finds himself wanting to ask what you didn’t say.

The three of you all agree that he should stay on the ship more during those kinds of missions. There’s really no reason for you all to be off the ship, anyway. You’re usually the only one that interacts with people like that, the only one that seems comfortable putting yourself out there like that. Vernon hates that you feel like you have to take those jobs, hates that you’re willing to go to those lengths. Although you tell him a lot, he doesn’t know that you don’t mind that part of it. That you don’t see yourself as someone that forms actual romantic attachments, that sex is just sex for you. Just another part of life. 

It’s another mission where you think you may need to get close to a mark, another mission where you think you may need a back room without prying eyes. Whatever that means. This time, Chirron offers to stay on the ship with Vernon. He says it’s because there’s some things he needs to work on, but Vernon sees it for what it is. He doesn’t want to leave the newest team member alone. Chirron is much more perceptive than anyone gives him credit for.

“You know, I never asked you,” Chirron starts, causing Vernon to look up from the transponder he’s fiddling with. “What were you hoping for when you ran onto our ship?”

Vernon considers this for a moment. It feels like a lifetime ago, yet also feels like it was just yesterday. “I’m not sure. I think I just hoped that I could catch my breath long enough to figure out my next move.”

“Not join a team that takes on illegal jobs across the galaxy?” Chirron asks, that dry humor surfacing again.

“No,” Vernon agrees with a small chuckle.

“Why do you stay?” Chirron wonders.

“Trying to get rid of me?” Vernon asks in response.

“No,” Chirron answers immediately. “No, having you around has been good for her. For both of us, really. I’m just curious about why you stay when you don’t have to. Is it just because you don’t have anywhere else to go?”

Vernon, thankfully, is used to Chirron’s way of speaking. So he knows there’s nothing malicious behind the question, only curiosity. 

“No, it’s not that. Not that I have some idea of where to go beyond that one sanctuary planet I’ve heard of,” Vernon says. “I like being around both of you. It feels like I belong? I haven’t felt like this before. It’s nice. Kind of like a feeling of being warm all over.”

“I’m glad,” Chirron says genuinely. 

“I don’t like this part though,” Vernon says and shifts in his seat again.

“The waiting?” Chirron wonders, but there’s something on his face that Vernon can’t place. Thankfully, he carries on. “Or the waiting when you know what she’s doing?” 

Vernon frowns at that. He’s still not sure he has the right name for this feeling. “Why does she put herself in positions like this?”

Chirron shrugs. “Don’t know. I’ve tried to tell her that some jobs aren’t worth it, but it’s like she has to prove something. To who, I’m not sure.”

“You don’t stop her, though,” Vernon observes.

“No, I don’t,” he agrees. 

“Why?” Vernon presses.

“Because, as you saw on that mission a few weeks ago when she sent us away, she’s going to do it anyway. I know the difference between when something is actually dangerous and when it’s just not what I would do. So I let her go unless it’s actually dangerous,” Chirron says. 

“It still doesn’t feel good,” Vernon admits. 

“No, because you care about her,” Chirron says like it’s the simplest thing in the world.

“Of course I do, I care about both of you,” Vernon says. “You care about her too.”

“I do,” Chirron agrees and that look is back, “but not the same way as you do, I don’t think.”

“Are there multiple ways to care for someone?” Vernon asks. 

Chirron chuckles, a low, comforting sound. “Of course. There’s the way her and I care about each other, like family. Like someone that could drive you absolutely insane, but you still love them and you’d still be there for them in a friendly way.”

“And what’s the other way?” Vernon wonders.

“Caring about them like you have feelings for them. Like they’re the first one on your mind when you wake up or the last one on your mind before you go to sleep. Like you just want to be around them and feel a little empty when you’re not. Like you’re not entirely sure what you’d do if one day they just weren’t there anymore,” Chirron explains.

“Oh,” is all Vernon can say. 

“I don’t know how you feel, or how she feels, but it doesn’t seem like just the kind of caring like it is between her and I,” Chirron says. “I love her and I’d do anything to protect her, but I don’t have feelings for her.”

“Do I?” Vernon asks quietly.

“I don’t know, only you can figure that out,” Chirron says. 

Feelings are difficult, Vernon thinks as he contemplates Chirron’s explanation. Every time he thinks that he’s got a handle on them, something else comes up to throw him for a loop. His body almost relaxes to help the fact that his mind is going entirely too fast. Chirron, seeming to sense that he gave Vernon a lot to think about, goes back to what he was working on before the conversation. 

It’s easy to be around Chirron, something Vernon has known since the beginning. But now he realizes that it’s easy in an entirely different way than being around you. With Chirron, there’s a comfort and a familiarity and definitely a care. Just like he describes feeling about you. With you, it’s entirely different. Vernon finds himself wondering about your past, wanting to know every detail even though you’ve shared a lot. He wants to know what you think, especially when you go silent. What thoughts are you keeping to yourself and why don’t you want to share them? 

The worst, though, is easily the way Vernon feels when you’re off on your own like this. He’s not sure how to put it into words or how to even Chirron about it. Or if he even wants to ask Chirron about it. He just knows that he doesn’t like it, that it makes him feel unsteady and unfocused. That he makes mistakes on whatever he’s working on when he thinks of this aspect of the jobs. It’s like he wants to lash out at the marks or the clients that hire them in the first place. He wants to let these people know that you’re not actually interested in them. That it’s only for work. But is that true? 

“Chirron, can I ask you something?” Vernon finally asks.

“Sure,” Chirron says. He’s much more relaxed around Vernon, probably because he doesn’t try to rile Chirron up.

“I’ve got this feeling that I’m not sure about, it pops up when we’re on missions like these,” Vernon begins before outlining just how he feels when he thinks about what you’re doing.

Chirron is quiet, thoughtful as he listens, giving Vernon his full attention. He lets Vernon finish uninterrupted before he’s quiet for a second. “Well, it sounds like jealousy.”

“Jealous of who? Of her?” Vernon asks. He knows what jealousy is, just like every other emotion, because it’s simply knowledge of the existence of emotions. He doesn’t know how it feels though, not really. Like every other emotion, it’s something he’s had to learn as he goes.

“Of the people she’s with,” Chirron answers, amused.

“Why would I be jealous of them?” Vernon asks. 

“I can’t tell you the why, Vernon, you know that,” Chirron says without any hint of frustration. “I can just say what it sounds like. Which is that you’re jealous she’s behind closed doors with someone other than you.”

“You think I want…to do that, I don’t even know…I’m not sure how something like that would even work,” Vernon splutters, tripping over his words worse than he’s done in a while. 

Chirron takes pity on him and only gives him a sympathetic look. It allows Vernon to gather his thoughts before he says anything else. A blessing, actually, because a minute later, the door opens to allow you back onto the ship. You look a little like you’ve been up to something that Vernon doesn’t really want to consider. Like you tried to straighten yourself out again, but couldn’t quite get everything. Thankfully, you don’t seem to notice the tension in the air and just immediately go to pull out something to eat. Life moves on for you like nothing else happened.

Thankfully, Vernon can pretend he’s working on reprogramming a communicator, something he needs to do for a job anyway, and stay back away from the cockpit of the ship. He also knows that you’ll eat up there with Chirron to talk about how things went. To talk through the finer details of the information you were able to extract. You don’t talk to Vernon about those details and he doesn’t stop to think about why. He’s just glad you don’t. Not that you go into explicit detail with Chirron. It’s just…well maybe Chirron is right. Maybe Vernon is jealous because he’s got deeper feelings for you. 

*+:★:+━━━+:★:+━━━+:★:+*

It’s supposed to be easy. That’s what you say. You don’t take on jobs that would put the team at too much of a risk and you don’t ask them to do anything they don’t want to do. You haven’t even taken on a job recently where you’d have to leave Vernon and Chirron on the ship while you entertained a mark. This is an exception, you say, too good of a job to pass up given that it should be simple. So simple.

Vernon makes it back to the ship before Chirron does, which makes sense. All Vernon had to do was meet with one of your contacts to swap out some tech he’d been using. After all this time, Vernon isn’t entirely sure what Chirron does when he’s off the ship. He asked once and didn’t get a straight answer. You shrugged it off and said that Chirron does a lot of things, some of which you don’t even know or understand. When you didn’t seem concerned, Vernon let it go as well.

Once Chirron gets back, Vernon pays more attention to the feeling in his stomach since you agreed to this mission. Something just feels…off. Not right. He’s trying not to dwell too much on it because he’s very aware it might be, at least in part, due to his feelings for you. Feelings that he now very much recognizes are real. Whatever that means for him. He hates watching you walk away when he thinks about what you’ll be doing. And he agrees it’s best for him to stay on the ship rather than risk blowing the mission. 

Except…well now he’s actually getting worried. It’s been too long since you left the ship, longer than usual. Long enough that even Chirron doesn’t shoot Vernon down when he brings up his concern. Which only serves to concern Vernon more because Chirron is almost always level. Even now, only his eyes give anything away when Vernon mentions just how long it’s been since you left the ship. After several minutes of back and forth, Chirron agrees that it should be Vernon that leaves the ship to try and find anything out about you. As much as Chirron tries to stay in the shadows, he’s been working with you for years now and people automatically associate him with you. 

So Vernon enters the building, manages to figure out where you had gone without raising any suspicions. After all, your reputation for chasing after pleasure proceeds you. Something Vernon is cursing himself for even considering. The thought flies out as soon as he’s in the room and he sees you lying on the couch, covered in cuts and bruises, only half-dressed. He’s beside you in what feels like a second, checking to make sure he feels a pulse. But, up close he can hear your slightly labored breaths. It could be worse, he reminds himself, as he gets you dressed and wraps you up. He doesn’t want it to be obvious just how beaten up you are before he’s had time to think. Or to consider what you’d do in this situation. Everything in him shuts down apart from the need to get you out a back door and onto the ship as quickly as possible.

Back on the ship, Vernon collapses into the booth while Chirron takes over and takes you into the sleeping cabin. Thankfully, Chirron knows enough basic First Aid that he’ll be able to patch you up before taking you to see a professional. Someone that you and Chirron trust enough to take you there. But, for now, he’s cleaning your wounds and wrapping you up as best he can. Vernon knows he should be helping, knows that an extra set of hands would help. He just…can’t. Can’t seem to find the strength to see you in this condition. He’s just amazed he got you back to the ship without losing it or without anyone seeing you. And thankful, so very thankful, that Chirron is keeping it together. 

Without a word, Chirron emerges from the sleep cabin and heads straight for the front of the ship. Vernon’s barely even sat down in your usual seat before the ship takes off. Chirron doesn’t fly too high, he’s just going to a different part of the planet. That’s what he said when he said that you and him knew someone that could help. It both feels like an eternity and no time at all when the ship lands again. Vernon expects to help you off the ship. Instead, Chirron tells him to stay put, that he’ll be back. 

Doc, that’s what Chirron calls him, looks like a man that’s aged beyond his actual years. He looks like he’s seen more than most people would over several lifetimes. Yet, he seems kind. Seems like he could be anyone’s father or uncle. This time, Vernon does actually follow them back to the sleep cabin, careful to stay out of the way. Doc starts taking stock of you and attaching a number of devices to various parts of your body. They start beeping and it should calm Vernon, because at least something is happening. They don’t, though. All he can think is that you shouldn’t have been in this position in the first place. This was the wrong job to take. 

Vernon’s learned a lot about emotions during the time with you and Chirron, a lot more than he learned in all his time before. He knows, now more than ever, that he cares about you far beyond just being friends. He knows that he’s never felt this kind of fear. Knows that he can’t be still, even for a second. It’s always been like this, Vernon has always suffered from restlessness. It’s a million times worse now. And it’s getting in the way of your care. Somewhere in his pacing and mumbling, something he doesn’t even realize he’s doing, Chirron sends him away. Doc gives him a sympathetic look, like he understands, before turning back to you. 

It’s not any easier to be outside of the sleep cabin because Vernon can still hear everything that’s happening. The entire ship is silent except for the work Doc is doing. Not seeing what’s happening is even worse and Vernon’s restlessness turns into something more like anxiety. He can’t imagine going on without you. Not that anyone has said that would be a possibility. In fact, Doc seems to think you’ll be fine in no time. Most of the injuries are merely surface level. Chirron comes back out with a list of things that they need and tells Vernon to go take care of it. It’ll help you and help him in the process. He’s not doing anyone any good in the state he’s in now. 

*+:★:+━━━+:★:+━━━+:★:+*

It takes a few days, but you’re mostly back to your normal self. The worst part, for you, is that you fractured one of your ribs. So that means rest, Doc’s orders. Vernon was happy to hear it because it meant that you had no choice but to take a break. Chirron seemed pleased as well, saying once Doc was off the ship, he’d take you back to the homebase. 

You, however, wake up back home and seem irritated. Remind both Vernon and Chirron that you still have a job to do. Can’t seem to wrap your head around your injuries or the severity of the situation. That’s the first time that Vernon sees Chirron raise his voice with you. It’s the first time he sees the usually calm force standing firm in his position. You’re on bedrest for now so that you can actually heal. Together, you can all figure out what to tell the client. But your health is most important or it’ll be a lot longer than a matter of weeks that you’re out of commission. 

Vernon doesn’t get to listen in on the conversation about what happened. It’s Chirron’s decision, saying that he thinks it’ll just be easier. So Vernon doesn’t know what happened, not really. Sure, he can guess and probably paint at least a picture. Does he really want to know, though? He’s not sure. He doesn’t want the details of just how you were going to get the information, so maybe it’s better like this. What he does need, though, is to talk to you. Chirron gives him that chance as soon as he can, which Vernon is thankful for.

“You look better,” Vernon says after a light knock on your door frame. 

You laugh lightly and Vernon worries for a second, but you seem fine. “Wow, you really know how to butter a girl up.”

“I was worried about you,” Vernon says as he crosses to sit in the chair next to your bed.

“It takes a lot more than that guy to take me down for real, sweetheart,” you offer. 

Vernon’s jaw clenches. “Still.” 

“Hey,” you say and reach out to take his hand. “I’m really okay. I’ve had worse than this, I promise.” 

“You think that makes me feel better?” Vernon wonders with a shake of his head. 

“This is a dangerous line of work,” you say.

“I’m aware of that,” Vernon answers. 

“What’s really on your mind? Chirron’s worried about you,” you admit. 

“We could have lost you,” Vernon says, barely more than a whisper. “I could have lost you.” 

“But you didn’t,” you say gently.

“But I could have and it’s like,” Vernon presses, pausing to think of the right word. “It’s like you don’t even care. Like it’s all a joke.”

“Of course I care, Nonie,” you say. Vernon tries, and fails, to stop his heart from skipping over the nickname that falls so easily from your lips. “This is the job, I know you and Chirron were worried about what was going to happen to me…”

“This isn’t about Chirron,” Vernon snaps and you pull your hand away from his. 

“What is it about?” you ask, guard up. 

“It’s about me almost losing you. About me feeling something that I didn’t even think I was capable of feeling and then worrying I’d lose you before I ever got to tell you,” Vernon says. 

“Vernon, I don’t think…” you start again, only to fall silent at whatever look you see in his eyes. 

“I know it sounds crazy, I know what I am,” Vernon says without meeting your gaze. “We were never supposed to be more than robots. I’ve heard it all. Nobody ever could have predicted that we’d get a consciousness. Nobody seems to know what that even means or what it is. I just know that I ran from the only other beings that I’ve ever known straight onto your ship. And I thought it’d be scary or I’d regret it, but I don’t. You taught me and guided me without making me feel less than. I was teetering on the edge of way too much…whatever this restlessness is. You were like a balm for that.” “I’m glad,” you say, voice just as quiet. “It’s easy to be around you, Vernon. I’m glad you feel at ease here.”

“I don’t understand how…feelings work or what they mean, not when it comes to what I feel for you,” Vernon says. He looks at you, so hopeful. “Maybe we can figure it out together.”

“Vernon, I’m not…I don’t think I’m built for something like that,” you say, pleading for him to understand.

“You don’t care about me?” Vernon wonders.

“No, of course I do,” you disagree. “I just…I don’t know what I really feel either. I just know relationships, they’ve never been what I sought out. They get too complicated in this line of work where anything can happen.”

“So leave,” Vernon offers, like it’s so easy.

“Leave?” you question.

“Yes, quit doing this kind of work. Leave and start a new life away from all of this,” Vernon pleads.

“And what? Just abandon Chirron?” you ask angrily.

“Of course not,” Vernon retorts. “You and I both know that he only stays because you’re family to him. He doesn’t want to do this forever.”

“Is that what you and him talk about when I’m off the ship getting information?” You’re angry now, but Vernon thinks he’s a little annoyed too.

“No,” Vernon says. “The only time we’ve talked about you is when he helped me process what I was feeling. I just, it doesn’t take some kind of genius to see he stays because he cares about you.” 

“This is the only life I’ve ever known,” you say, anger subsiding to be replaced by you looking smaller than ever before.

“No it’s not,” Vernon disagrees. “You told me about your family.”

“Don’t bring them up,” you caution.

“It doesn’t have to be like this, surely you see that,” Vernon pleads again.

“If I say no, will you stay? Or are you asking me to choose between you and this entire network I’ve built over years?” As soon as you say it, Vernon knows he’s lost. Knows that you’ve already made up your mind.

“I’m not asking you to choose anything,” Vernon says. “But I’m not going to continue to watch someone that I care this deeply about put herself in so much danger. So you don’t have to leave this life. I’m done, though.”

“What?” You look like you’ve been smacked.

“I’m done,” Vernon repeats. “I can’t go on like this. I can’t feel the way I do every time you leave the ship. I can’t keep wondering if I’m going to find you in an even worse position. So, I’m leaving. I’d love for you to come with me, but you’ve made your position clear.”

“So, that’s it?” you ask.

“That’s it,” Vernon confirms.

He leaves the room for long enough to say his goodbyes to Chirron, who doesn’t seem surprised that it’s going like this. He’s sad, for sure. Vernon knows what he said was true, Chirron would leave if he could, but he won’t leave you alone. The two of you are family and Vernon’s thankful that you’ll still have someone to depend on. 

There’s nothing left to say to you, nothing but all the things left unsaid. Things that he wishes he could say and things he knows you want to say. Things neither of you will say to the other. Which is fine. It has to be. Vernon has gotten a crash course in humanity, so he tries to squash down the disappointment when he says goodbye to Chirron and you don’t even bother trying to stop him. Barely registers Chirron asking where he’s going. Truthfully, he doesn’t have a plan, so he blurts out the first thing to come to mind. He’s heard of another planet, he thinks it’s called Lumen, that’s something of a sanctuary planet. He’s going to need time to get things together before he can depart. This isn’t something he’d really thought would happen. For the time being, he’s going to stay with another of your contacts that he’s worked closely with since joining the team. One of the only other beings that he trusts apart from you and Chirron.

Just like that, he’s out the door without a backward glance to see that you got as far as your door. Without seeing the way your face falls at him leaving. Without seeing the way Chirron shakes his head at the situation. But you don’t call out, don’t try to stop him. You just let him go like there aren’t any other options. 

*+:★:+━━━+:★:+━━━+:★:+*

It takes a couple weeks to arrange the transport (and Chirron helping Vernon out by sending credits and outstanding favors to cash in along without you knowing) to Lumen. He stays with a contact he met while working with you that knows someone named San. That’s where the idea of Lumen comes up. It seems like there’s a chance Vernon’s other members are there. And if Vernon has a chance to see them again, he has to take it. Even though he wants to see them all, he really hopes Seungcheol is there. If not for the leader, none of them would have been able to escape.

Vernon gets a last message to Chirron to let him know that he’s leaving in two days. Somewhere in the back of his brain, Vernon hopes that Chirron will share the message with you and maybe you’ll say goodbye. You don’t. Even though Vernon wants to be upset, and he is, he’s still thankful that Chirron helped in the first place. He knows that without that help, he wouldn’t be able to get on a ship to Lumen. 

The journey itself is uneventful. Vernon’s spent enough time on your ship to be used to the travel, but he’s still worried initially that something will go wrong. It’s got him a bit on edge, to say the least. Until he realizes that this isn’t one of your jobs, this is just a regularly scheduled trip to Lumen that the ship was taking anyway. The only difference is one extra passenger. It’s not until they approach the planet’s atmosphere that he starts to get nervous again. The crew agreed that Lumen seems to be a sanctuary planet, and that’s great. It’s just, well Vernon hasn’t really considered what to do when they land. 

The planet is beautiful, like what it seems like Earth looked like before, at least from pictures he’s seen. There’s so much life and color everywhere that immediately puts him at ease. He’s still skeptical, how could he not be? But there’s also a sense of immediate relief that washes over him. WIthout even realizing it, he thinks that this is home. At the dock, he inquires about a place to stay, hesitantly admits that he’s a level 1 automaton, and says he doesn’t have many credits to barter with. What he’s not prepared for is the smiles that form instantly. Someone tells him about a house that he might be interested in and gives him directions. 

It’s not long before he’s approaching the large house, far bigger than he’s expecting it to be. This is definitely too much for him to stay in when he’s not sure how he’s going to afford anything. It’s then that he notices someone working in a garden, tending to plants. They look up and smile the second they see Vernon. He can’t quite hear what they say when they turn to look over their shoulder.

And that’s when Vernon’s entire world shifts. The very one he’d been hoping to see comes out from behind the house and erupts into a smile. They’re both moving towards each other, neither quite believing the sight before their eyes. 

“Vernon?” he asks.

“Seungcheol,” Vernon says with so much affection for his leader. 

“Welcome home,” Seungcheol says and hugs him. 

Home. This can be home. Maybe it’ll all be okay. Maybe this is where Vernon was meant to end up all along and maybe working with you and Chirron had just been a stop along the way. 

i'm sorry for leaving it open like that at the end, but it's kind of what felt the most realistic for them. i hope you enjoyed it and check out all the amazing fics 💕

[pattypanini]

Lay All Your Love On Me

Chapter 4- Drunk Words, Are Sober Thoughts

Josh Kiszka x Reader

Word Count: 6,384 

AN: Hi everyone! Here is the fourth chapter of Lay All Your Love On Me from me and @mar-rein12! Thank you so much for all the support on our last three chapters. Here is the taglist incase anyone wants to be added to it: TAGLIST. We hope you enjoy chapter 4, Drunk Words, Are Sober Thoughts.

Also get ready for smut because it doesn't end from here, only gets worse. LOL

Next chapter coming next Tuesday!

Warnings: 18+, SMUTTTTT, 69, Tit fondling, Fingering, Oral (F and M receiving), Angst, Flirting, Cursing, Hickeys, Nudes, Sexting.

y/n's POV

Your last class of the day, Music History, went by pretty fast. Coming to the University of Michigan, you were set on Musical theater being your major, but from listening to Charlotte talk about her major, elementary education, you fell in love with the idea of being a teacher. From there, you observed some music classrooms in your area and knew you had to make a change. You're now a Music Education Major and can’t wait to teach the youth all about your passion.

It's very sunny and warm today, which normally would have led to you picking out a tank top and shorts, but due to the marks all over your chest you opted for a black shirt with a higher neckline and black shorts paired together with your white Hokas. Although the sun felt good on your skin it wasn’t good for your hangover. 

Normally a loud upbeat song would be the way to go for after class, but due to the way you’ve been feeling, Groupie Love by Lana Del Rey was the smarter option. You were perfectly content in the moment but your music was suddenly brought to a halt as you felt your headphones being pulled down around your neck.. 

As you turn to see who it is, you meet the last person you’d want to see, Josh. But something was off, he seemed cocky.

“Hey mama, have a good time last night?”

What is he going on about?

“What?” You ask annoyed.

“Well you seemed to be having a loose night. I have a question, am I always on your mind or were those texts also ‘not meant for me’?”

What. What is he talking about? Your mouth opens to defend yourself, “ I- um, I don't… know what you’re talking about.”

“I’ll see you in there” leaning into your ear, “little cum slut.” He winks and slaps your ass making you jump. He starts walking away into the building.

Immediately, your hand goes to your pocket, opening your messages. Holy shit.

11:14pm y/n: God Josh, I can’t stop thinking about you 

11:30pm y/n: I hsd a dream about you, it was so hot.

11:31pm y/n: Fucking me from bwhind, you were calling me a cum slut. I wanna be your cum slut, Josh. 

11:54pm y/n: You shoudl come over.

11:55pm y/n: You're probably sleeping like a loser, come over Joshy.

 No way. There is actually no way. 

You begin to make your way towards the bench outside the building and reread the texts.

You could throw up. You did not recall sending a single one of those text messages. The first text, whatever, but the others… now he has the high ground on you. You can’t go to this practice. He probably thinks you’re a fucking idiot. 

You would never care if you sent a drunk text to anyone else, but he’s different. How stupid could I be? 

No, you couldn’t let that douchebag win. You pick up your bag and your head, making your way into the building. 

You push past the doors, walking with a purpose. Once you get to the room you walk through the doors to see Josh staring at the doorway, as if he was waiting for you to walk in. As you make eye contact your eyes go to him, then to the raven haired girl, next to him. 

Wait, why is he talking to her. Josh would never be caught dead talking to “extras,” he's too good for that. So why is she an exception? 

JOSH’S POV

God will she ever stop talking. Sophia has nothing of worth to say to you. Normally, you wouldn’t talk to other people on the cast, they're not on your level. She's hot, not your normal type, but you’d do it at least once. 

y/n is putting on the act that she's chill, but nothing she’d say or do could convince you after seeing her reaction to the text she sent. You felt kinda bad, but it’s probably something she does a lot. 

“Alright everyone!” You hear Coleman scream obnoxiously. “y/n, Josh, I assume you guys worked something out?” 

You look at y/n and she's nodding with a big smile on her face, what is she so giddy for?

As everyone clears the stage you and y/n meet in the middle of it. “Okay so since you guys worked things out lets go from the Lay All Your Love On Me scene, got it? Not the speaking, straight to the singing.”

You look at y/n and once again she's smiling ear to ear. 

She has a pretty smile. It lights up the room, whether it's fake or not. 

You try your best to tune out your thoughts. You climb up your fake rock wall and the music begins and you count yourself in to start singing.

As you make your way down the steps y/n is looking at you with a certain type of eyes. 

Not of innocence, but of lust.

“Now everything is new. And all I’ve learned has overturned, I beg of youuuuu.” You sing, leaning in close to her, lips less than an inch apart.

She pushes you and your body slams hard against the wall behind you. You sensed real anger behind that one.

“Don��t go wasting your emotionnn, Lay all your love on meee.” She sings as her hands drag softly down your body, her nose touching yours.

Her vanilla perfume smells so good, it's intoxicating. 

As the scene goes on, she continues to mesmerize you. She begins kneeling to the ground, you mirror her. 

She crawls to you, her back arched, hips swaying side to side. Usually she’d wear a lower cut shirt, but assuming because of the hickeys, she wore something a little higher neck. You wish she had worn a v-neck. Her tits are perfect. 

“A grown-up woman should never fall so easily.”

She finally meets with you, leaving no room for innocence.

“I feel a kind of fear.” Her eyes fasten to yours. 

Her hands start at your chest once again, something she would have never done before. With every inch they trailed down, you expected her to stop, but she never did.

“When I don’t have you near.”

They make it to your waistband.

“Unsatisfied, I skip my pride.”

And caresses your already hard dick, leaving it for a moment.

“I beg you dearrr.”

You can’t hold back. Your hands go to her neck and push the hair off her shoulders and inch your mouth closer to her mouth, edging her as you both kneel in front of each other. 

You begin to sing. “Don’t go wasting your emotion.” You place one hand on her back, lifting her torso up into you, and press her into your chest, brushing her tits into you as you gently lay her to the ground. 

Leaving little space, you press down, pushing your dick onto her pelvis. You watch as her eyes widen a tad and a slight chuckle travels past your lips. 

“Lay all your love on meeee.” Your head bows down, closer to her ear as the extras begin to come in from the side stage.

Normally you’d go in for the kiss but you had something else up your sleeve. “I’m gonna fuck you so hard. I know you want me, you cum slut.” You quietly whisper in her ear.

The guys begin to grab you up off her and Coleman shouts. 

“STOP STOP!”

Everyone stops in fear, placing you back onto the floor, not knowing why she was so amped up.

“Holy shit, GUYS, that was PERFECT! The tension, the love, whatever you're doing keep it up.”

You lend y/n a hand to get her off the floor. As you pull her up, you continue to pull her in close, her ear meeting your lips. 

“I guess we have to keep practicing then.” You smirk at her, anxiously awaiting her response. 

“Then I guess I’ll see you tonight at your place?” She says with a wink. 

How can she be so confident after all that happened? It made her 100x sexier. But you knew you were going to have to walk the walk after talking so much game. You were going to rock her world tonight. 

As practice went on the room got hotter and hotter, and you could tell it was getting to y/n, along with everyone else practicing. She was getting uncomfortable in the shirt she was wearing, sweat beginning to form on her forehead. Next thing you know, she was pulling her shirt away from her body to try and let some air pass through, as she was getting more and more antsy. 

You turn away to grab your water, from being out of breath from the last scene, and as you turn back around you're met with a sight. y/n had taken her shirt off leaving her in nothing but her sports bra, her hickeys on full display. You could see Lindsey’s eyes widen and jaw drop. You begin to walk up to them, wanting to hear a piece of how y/n was going to defend herself. 

“Holy shit y/n, did you get attacked or something?” Lindsey asks sarcastically. 

y/n giggled, “No Lindsey I didn’t, just had a good weekend…”

“Did you now?” You begin to ask. “And who's the man of the week?”

“Doesn’t matter, it wasn’t all that exciting.” She looks at you with a smirk as she takes a sip of her water.

“What did you guys do?” Lindsey prods for more.

“Well, not all that much. We watched a movie and then he was getting touchy, which I didn’t mind. Then I straddled him and we made out and he was about to go down on me but someone walked in on us.”

“WHAT, that’s crazy! You have such an exciting life.” 

You roll your eyes at the statement. “Are you going to see him again?” You question her, as if you don’t already know who ‘mystery man’ is.

“I might Josh, but I hope he brings more to the table this time, or else I’m gonna have to call up my regular hookup.”

Your eyebrows raise, “You’ll have to keep us updated then, I guess.” You shoot her a devious smile, you watch as her cheeks reddened a tad. 

“Oh I will.” y/n says to you. 

Lindsey is staring at the both of you now, looking confused. “Am I missing something?”

“No Lindsey, Josh is just a nosy piece of shit.” She leans in to whisper to her. “Plus he probably gets no action so he likes to listen in on what happens in the bedroom.” Making sure you were still able to hear. 

Everyone disperses and we run a couple more scenes, before Coleman dismisses us. 

You look to find y/n packing up her stuff. When you spot her in the corner putting her shirt back on, you walk over to her with your bag. 

“Hey.” You ask innocently. 

“Hi Josh.” She waits for you to leave. “Do you need something?”

“Well I was going to see if I could walk you back to your dorm? It doesn’t make up for not walking you back the other night obviously. I feel bad though, sooo, can I?” You give her a dorky, little smile.

She smiles at you and thinks about it as you two make it towards the doors, opening it for her as she walks through. “Okay fine, but I have to stop at the campus store first to grab a celsius. I don’t want to be a drag tonight.” You look at her and smile. She looks back with a scared look. “Wait, do you not want me to come over? I thought you were being for real but if you're not I can just…”

“y/n, stop. I want you to come over. Calm down.” You pull out your sunglasses, the sun burning your eyes and skin, but you look over to y/n to see her uncomfortably squinting and covering her eyes with her hands. 

“You want these?” Handing her your sunglasses.

“No I’ll be okay, it's the consequences of my own drunken actions.” Realizing what she brought up she goes silent. 

“You know I didn’t mind those texts you sent.” You say opening the doors to the campus store.

“I’m sure you didn’t mind, but I’m the one who sent them.” She says as she makes her way back to the refrigerated section. 

“Were they true?” 

“Well yeah, I don’t think even drunk me would make up something as crazy as that.” She reaches in and grabs a kiwi guava celsius and makes her way up to the register.

“Is that your favorite flavor?” You ask her as you begin to reach into your pockets. 

“Oh for sure. I had a big 24 pack in my dorm but I kinda went through that already since the beginning of the semester.”

You thought about it, “It’s only been a little over a month.” She nods cutely and puts her celsius on the counter. 

“Just the celsius please.” 

“That’ll be $2.39.” She places her backpack on the floor to grab her wallet out, but before she could stand up you quickly tapped your card to the reader. You grab the celsius and look at her as she stands there confused.

“Okay let's go.” You smile at her and she awkwardly puts her bag back on and heads towards the door.

“You didn’t have to do that Josh.”

“I know, but I wanted to.” You open it and hand it to her.

She takes a sip and hands it back to you, “You wanna try it?” You look for a moment and think. “You can’t make the excuse that you're a germaphobe, you had your tongue down my throat.” 

You take it and take a small sip and a shock of flavors and bubbles wash over your tongue. 

“Ew, what the fuck. You drink this shit everyday?”

“WHAT, I love it. How can you not?” She grabs it back and takes another sip. Beginning to walk down the path to her dorm building.

“Do they hurt?”

“Does what hurt?” You take a look down to her chest, to where the hickeys would be if they weren’t covered. 

“Oh phh, no.” She laughs. “Not as nearly as bad as other times before, this one time this guy Mark he left um… um never mind.” She awkwardly laughs and looks down to the sidewalk. 

As she makes her way up the steps and swipes her card into the building she turns to you. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bring him up. And I’ve been thinking about it and I respect what we have going on here, with practicing and well…a little more than that. So I'm not going to be talking and getting with other guys while this progresses. I want this to be like the real deal for the show, so I want to put in the effort for it.” 

She stands there for a moment, waiting for you to respond. “Okay, deal. I won’t be getting with anyone either.” She smiles at you holding the door open to the building. 

“Okay, cool. Um well I’ll see you tonight.” She smiles letting the door close behind her. 

She’s all yours. Well until the show is over. Which leaves you a month to make it happen for real. 

y/n’s POV

You walk into the living room, drop your bag onto the floor, and make your way into the bathroom. Your head had been pounding all day and you wanted to feel the best you could for tonight with Josh. 

You waltz over to the cabinet and rummage through the drawers for the ibuprofen. After swallowing them down with the sink water, you look up to yourself in the mirror. Jeez. You look like a mess. You have to get yourself ready before you head over to Josh’s. 

As you strip off your sweaty garments you look into the mirror and notice the soft purple marks scattered across your skin. You were kind of sad they were starting to fade, you liked being marked by him.

But you were happy that you were both able to reach a civil agreement, you weren’t best friends by any means, but you were kind of excited that you were each other's until the show was over. You liked the level of commitment you both had for each other.

You enter into the shower and put a lot of thought into everything you were doing. Making sure you got a good clean shave, shampooing your hair really well, and making sure your body was clean in preparation for tonight. 

As you get out of the shower, you dry yourself off and slip into your soft robe. And notice a text 

Josh 7:45pm: Come over around 9, don’t eat anything.

Hmm, you wonder what he has planned. You heart the text and begin to towel dry your hair and wonder what hairstyle you should do for tonight. You think about different times you've worn your hair a certain way and remember Josh giving you a little extra when your hair was down. 

You get out your blow out brush and plug it in and start sectioning your hair into pieces. You begin styling your hair and after about thirty minutes you finish. You really like the way it looks when you blow it out but sometimes you just don’t have the effort. You lotion up your body and then walk into your room and begin to pick out an outfit. 

While the shorts were great for last time, you wanted him to have to make more of a move this time. So you opt for a pair of navy blue leggings and a tight black athletic t-shirt, this time, opting for no bra on purpose. You take a seat at your vanity and begin with a dewy base, cream blush, black mascara, and lip gloss.

You make sure your gold necklace with your initial, that you never take off, is centered on your neck. Pairing it with your normal stack of earrings and apple watch. Finishing off with your spray deodorant and douse yourself in your coconut vanilla perfume. 

You check the time and it was 8:38. Which gives you plenty of time to get your things together and say bye to Charlotte. You walk to the kitchen and fill up your hot pink Stanley with ice and water and chug the rest of the Celsius from earlier. You quickly brush your teeth so you're all fresh and then make your way into the living room to grab your belt bag and say bye to Charlotte. 

“Are you going out y/n?” Charlotte asks while deep into her HayDay game play. 

“I am, I’m going to Josh’s again.” You look into the mirror to check your hair and makeup, fixing the lipgloss on your lips. 

“Again? Are you guys a thing or something?”

“It’s complicated.” You grimace at her.

“What! Complicated? With the same Josh Kiszka that you hated deeply a few months ago?” She raises her eyebrow at you, with a slight smirk on her face.

You shake your head and laugh. “Whatever, plus we both kinda agreed on being committed to each other, just for the role, until this is all over. Which I don’t mind.”

Charlotte smiles at you, “Okayyy, well you two have fun tonight.”

You smile back at her and blow a sweet kiss to her and pull your bag over your shoulders and grab your water bottle and head out the door.

“USE PROTECTION!” You hear from the crack of the door.

“Sure…” you mutter under your breath, closing the door, making sure it is locked behind you. 

y/n 8:58pm: omw

As you make your way to his apartment you reapply your lip gloss and fluff your hair to give it a lot of volume. 

It was a little chillier that night than you had expected, so the no bra decision was starting to seem like the wrong decision. As you begin to walk up the stairs to his apartment you try to warm up your body before you would have to knock on the door. 

Once you finally get to the door, you look down to see that warming yourself up didn’t help very much with hiding your hardened nipples. You knock on the door and wait for Josh to answer but hear shouting from behind the door. After a few seconds of waiting you’re met with Jake again at the door. Were they fighting for who was going to get the door? 

“Hey y/n”, you watch as Jake’s eyes flick down to your chest. You get a sudden surge of self consciousness and cross your arms over yourself.

“Hi Jake”, you shoot him a tight smile, slipping past him through the doorway. Your nipples graze over his chest as you walk by him. He smirks to you and looks down to your tits, obviously feeling them when you walked by.

“You know, once this whole ‘thing’ you guys have is over, I'm here waiting for you.” Quickly exiting out the door before anything else can be said. Leaving you left with Josh standing in the hallway. 

“What was he saying, y/n?” 

You thought about saying the truth but didn’t want to ruin the night. “Nothing just joking about being ‘safe’ tonight you know.” 

“Right… well, I have something in the living room for us.” Josh smiles to himself. He swiftly grabs your hand, leading you into the living room. Upon entering the room, you see two white bags sitting on the coffee table. “I got you a bagel from that little shop on main. I know you mentioned the everything bagel with lox so I got that, I hope it's okay.” You smile ear to ear and look at him and notice his cheeks blushing. 

You can’t help but hug him. He wasn’t the tallest person, but it was a nice difference for your 5 foot stature. 

“This is so sweet Josh, you didn’t have to do that.” 

“I know but we did really well today and I thought it was deserved. So what do you wanna do?”

“Do you wanna watch a show, have you ever seen Community?”

“No, as long as it's not a stupid ass show we can watch it.”

“Yay, I think you’ll like it. Could you plug my phone in somewhere, I think it's gonna die.”

He takes and brings it back to his room and comes back out to meet you in the living room.

As you take the seat that you were in not too long ago, Josh hands you your bagel. It looked so yummy, considering how hungry you were. He brings up Community on Netflix and starts the first episode letting it play while you guys eat your bagels. Throughout, he laughed a few times at the raunchy jokes made by the characters. You begin to feel far from him and want to make a move. You begin to nestle yourself in between his legs, leaning your back into his chest. As time went on he wrapped his arms around your torso, resting them on your stomach. By the 6th episode you were very comfortable, it felt like you had melted into each other. 

He began to release your arms that were tangled with his, one making its way down to your legs and the other wrapping around your tits. Your head tilts back to look at him, resting on his shoulder.

“What do you think you're doing, Joshy?”

“I’m just trying to make you feel good mama.” As he says that you feel a hand begin to pass under the waistband of your leggings. “Is this okay?” You nod frantically wanting it so incredibly bad. “Speak to me y/n, use your words.”

“Yes Josh.” You grab his hand moving it faster to your heat, slipping it past your underwear. 

“Patience y/n, you’ll get what you want. I’m gonna make you feel so good baby, you won't even remember the others.” As soon as he was done talking, his fingers started making fast circles around your clit and his left hand going under your shirt, squeezing your left tit. 

You started moaning uncontrollably. You wish you could have held it in, but he knew the spots to get you going. “Talk to me, Josh, Talk me through it.” His fingers teased your entrance, before they were forcefully plunged into you.

“Fuck, baby. You’re such a fucking slut. You feel so nice and wet around my fingers. Who’s got you this wet baby, huh? Tell me.” 

“You Josh, fuck, I’m all yours. Your fingers feel so good in my pussy. Are you gonna make me cum?” Your hands reach behind you and grip onto his hair for leverage. 

For a moment he stops, before lifting you up and carrying you to his bedroom. When you get there you’re gently laid down on your back on this navy blue comforter. He begins to peel the leggings off your legs and discard of your shirt, leaving you in only your black, lacy thong. You felt exposed, but Josh made you feel safe. 

“You’re so fucking perfect.” He begins to leave a trail of kisses down your body, making sure to kiss over the purple marks he made before, and leaving new ones down by your underwear before pulling those off too. 

“Look at that pretty pink pussy. All for me.” He says while letting his finger pass through your slick, examining how wet you are, before bringing it up to his mouth and tasting you. “God, I've been thinking about how you taste after our little interruption last time.” Without further warning he goes down in between your legs licking up your slit, getting a good taste. 

“Fuck Josh, please just do it. Eat me the fuck out.” You beg him.

“Patience sweetheart. You’ll get what you want.” He fuels your fire. 

He leaves more kisses and hickeys in between your legs, basically making contact with anything but your pussy. After a while of teasing you couldn’t take it any more. 

“Please Josh, I need you. Tongue fuck me. I need you so bad Josh.” You’re sick of his games, you are desperate at this point. 

“Are you always like this? A fucking slutty brat. Such a dirty little girl.” 

His face dives back down in between your thighs, immediately creating circles on your clit, causing your hand to go straight down to his hair. “FUCK Josh, don’t stop. Just like that.”

As he continues going down on you, your back arches, pushing his head in further. 

It was all so good, you were so close, it was all perfect. 

RING RING RING 

Your head shoot’s up along with Josh’s. It’s your phone. Oh fuck. Josh goes to grab it and it was the last person you could have wanted to call you. Mark. Fuck. 

“Um, just ignore it Josh, I don't know why he's…”

Before you can say more Josh answers. “Hello?” 

“Hi, who is this, I’m looking for y/n.”

“She's a little busy right now, isn't that right baby?” He says before placing the phone onto your chest and looking deep into your eyes beginning to press his fingers back into you. 

“Hi Mark, um yeah I’m a little, FUCK.” Josh curled his fingers hard and fast right into your g-spot. “Um, I can’t talk right now.”

Josh picks the phone back up, not missing a beat on your g-spot. “Yeahhhh sorry about that.”

“Okay um I’ll call back later I guess?” He asks, confused, you’re usually never busy.

“No you won’t.” He hangs up the phone and throws it to the ground.

He brings his full attention back to you. “Just so you know, you're mine. Only mine, not Marks, or whoever else you have in your phone, mine. Got it slut, tell me who you are.”

“I’m yours Josh only yours, I’m a slut for you.” He smiles, beginning to pick up the pace. He leans down kissing you passionately. You were so close to orgasm but you didn’t want to do it like this. 

“I’m so close Joshy, but this isn't how I wanna cum.” He stops, very confused on why you were making him stop. You begin to lift yourself off the bed and switch your positions letting him sit on the bed, and bring yourself in between his legs. 

“Take these off Josh, let me see what I’ve caused.” You lightly tug on the waistband of his shorts.

Josh stands up, pushing down the sweatshorts he had on from earlier. Releasing his cock, letting it slap against his abs. It was much different than it looked in the pictures. You spit into your hand and begin to pump up and down on him, just barely able to get your hand all the way around. You rub your thumb around his tip a few times, eliciting a moan from him. 

You could tell he wanted you to suck him off, but didn’t want to push you down. You looked up to him, “You want me to suck your dick Josh, gag on it while it's in my throat?”

“Fuck yes, y/n, please I need you.”

“Beg for it Josh, the same way you made me.” You whisper seductively into his ear, earning a shudder from him. 

“Please baby, I need you so bad, I wanna feel your mouth around my cock. You’ll feel so good, then I can make you feel so good, please mama. I fucking need it”.” 

With that you took as much of him into your mouth as you could, still having your hands wrapped around it pumping up and down, synchronized with your mouth. 

It was like an automatic response for his hands to go to your hair, yanking at the nice blowout you had, wrecking it with no remorse. But you didn’t mind, you wanted to make him feel good and to always remember how you made him feel.

You were starting to gag on his dick, but you weren’t gonna back down that easily. The watery feeling you knew all too well started in your eyes. Tears began trickling down your flushed cheeks, undoubtedly taking your mascara along with them. 

“You’re a mess, baby. I fucking love it. Such a dirty whore for me.” 

You took him out of your mouth for a moment, trying to get a little air, continuing to pump him with your hand. He looks down to you, wiping a tear from your face. “You’re so fucking sexy, y/n.” 

“Get up.” You say forcefully.

“What?” He shoots you a confused look, brows furrowing. 

“I said get up. Lay in the middle of the bed.”

Without any further questioning Josh moved back so he was at the center of the bed. You begin to climb on top of him and turn so your pussy was hovering above his face. 

“Are you gonna finish the job Josh?” Before you could respond he pulled you down onto his face, leaving little to no room for air. It was time for you to finish the job for him, as well. 

You leaned down taking him into your mouth again, knowing it can’t be too long until he's gonna cum. The feeling beneath you though was becoming a distraction for what you had to do. You were moaning onto his cock, which led to vibrations that you knew would make him moan back. It was becoming a match of who would cum first. Both of you were so close to finishing, you were beginning to meet your climax. 

“I’m gonna cum y/n, move your mouth.”

Does he not know who you are?

“y/n, move your fucking mouth,” he repeats.

You bob your head faster and faster before you feel warm fluid hit the back of your throat. 

“Oh fuck baby, you’re so fucking hot sucking up my cum.” He wasn’t going to waste anymore time. You sucked up the rest of him before swallowing it. You lifted your body up, bracing yourself on the bed beneath you. Josh’s tongue began to pick up the pace, his hands digging into your hips, and you were really feeling it. 

“FUCK, Im gonna cum Josh don’t stop please.”

Within seconds you felt a wash of pleasure all over your body, riding out the high on his face. 

You pull yourself off him and lay beside him. He’s  silent for a moment before turning and looking at you.

“You’re a fucking slut you know that? God damn.” His hand trails gently along your thigh.

You smile thinking about, “Yeah I know, this slut made you cum though, hard.”

He rolls over kissing you hard, threading his hand through your hair.

“Do you wanna, uh, stay the night?”

You thought about it. Your first class wasn’t until 12 anyways. Plus you could always go back to your room beforehand. 

“I mean if you really want me to. I don’t want to intrude or anything.”

“I do, I really do. You’re not intruding at all. Plus, I wouldn’t want you to have to walk back after all of that.”

You smile before getting up to look at yourself in the mirror in his room. Holy shit. You looked like a mess. Your hair was absolutely destroyed, knotted and messy. Makeup was smeared all over your face and mascara was trailed all down your cheeks. Your skin is bruised with fresh hickeys. You were a nightmare. Mirror mirror on the wall who’s the sluttiest of them all. You. Definitely you.

“How could you look at me, I look insane Josh.” You begin to walk back over to the bed.

“What are you talking about, you look so fucking hot. I thought I mentioned that many times.” You both laughed before he got up. 

“Do you need something to sleep in?”

“Yeah that would be good, do you just have a shirt and shorts, or even boxers? I don't really care.

He nods before picking out some blue gingham boxers and an oversized Michigan t-shirt. You slip them over your body and make your way to the bathroom before freshening up. 

You quickly wash your face off with some warm water and try to brush down your hair as much as possible. When you come back out and make your way back into his room he isn’t there. 

“I'm in the kitchen y/n.” You turn your head and walk down the hallway and to the right into the very small kitchen where Josh got two glasses of water, handing one to you. 

“You know with how well you did tonight I would have thought you were a whore yourself, or is that something you like to keep to yourself?” You look down to check your watch. 11:48, not too late but you were definitely getting sleepy after all of that.

He laughs making his way back to the living room sitting down long ways on the couch, where he once was. Not knowing where he wanted you to sit, you took the safe choice and sat down next to his feet.

“I mean I’ve had my fair share, but nothing crazy.” You take a sip of his water before placing it on the end table and grabbing the remote to click “Continue Playing” on the TV. He turned around and grabbed the blanket that was across the back of the couch. 

“Are you scared of me or something, after all of that? If anything I should be scared of you.” You laughed and laid your head in his chest. He flung the blanket up so it was on top of both of you.

“What time do you have to be up tomorrow?” You asked. 

“Well I have a class at 11 so I have an alarm set for 10.”

“Okay, I’ll just wake up when you do so I can go back to my room and get ready for class. I’ll be right back. I'm just gonna text my roommate that I won’t be back.” 

He nods, picking up the blanket to let you go pass. You quickly scurry back to his room and just let Charlotte know that you’d be back tomorrow morning to walk with her to your class that you have together. 

As you leave the hallways you’re met in the middle with someone you hadn’t seen all night, Jake. You didn’t even hear the door open. 

He looks at you, noticing the shirt you had on, making his eyebrows go up. You begin to go around him before you are stopped. “You could do better, I’ll be here when you're ready for the treatment you deserve.” He whispers. You stare at him for a moment before making your way back into the living room. 

Josh is laughing at whatever just happened on the show and he happily lifts the blanket for you to get back under. 

“You could do better, I’ll be here when you're ready for the treatment you deserve.”

What is up with these Kiszka men? You brush off what Jake had said to you, remembering that as if now you’re Josh’s. As you watch the show you begin to doze off. Your eyes closed and had to force them to stay open, and Josh playing with your hair was making it harder. You decided that it was definitely time to just call it quits and sleep. You lift your head to Josh who was intently watching the screen. How is he not tired? 

“Goodnight Josh, thank you for tonight.” You press a kiss onto his lips. You could feel a smile forming beneath yours. 

“Night y/n, I’m glad you had a good night. Sleep well mama.” Pressing one final kiss into your head. 

With that you were out like a light, sleeping the best you had in a while. Dreaming about the night you had and the future that will come.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Taglist:

@demonrat444 @gvfstuddedmajesty @jordie-gvf @jazzyfigz @slut4lando @gvfmarge @peaceloveunitygvf @mar-rein12 @jjwasneverhere @areuirish @mar-rein12

[picnokinesis]

plottier / character focused thirteenth doctor fic recs

Ipseity by WalkerLister (43k, 10 chapters, gen) summary: Eight months since the Doctor sacrificed herself on Gallifrey, and Yasmin Khan is still struggling to move on. However, when she comes across a familiar face who is not acting like herself, Yaz may finally get the answers she has been looking for surrounding the Doctor. However, those answers will be revealed in a way a bit more dangerous than she had been anticipating. //Okay, so no one is surprised that I like the amnesiac!divisioned!13 fic, but in my defence, it's absolutely fabulous. This one was written waaaaay back in mid-2020, so we all knew that 13 was in prison and everyone was pretty sure that Jack was coming back due to some bts detective work, but that was about it - so, for obvious reasons, it doesn't align with ROTD, but it's such a fun one, guys, I love it a lot. Also, y'know, thirteen in a leather jacket and snarling at people? What more could you want?

don't have to make it to the moon by Ymae (28k, 7 chapters, gen/thoschei) summary: After New Year's, Ryan decides to stay traveling in the TARDIS for another little while. Only, the Doctor's rarely alright, and between experiencing the wonders of the universe, Ryan wants to figure out what's happening to his friend, too. //I love Ryan so much. He's such a wonderful character and I always love it when fics focus on him, or have him as the pov character. Unfortunately, fics like that are a bit few and far between, but this is one of them, and it's absolutely fantastic. It really delves into his character, but also his dynamic with the Doctor (especially after he talks to her in ROTD and she admits that she's scared and angry), and it's just auuuuuuugh so good!! And, it's also go some great whump and psychic content, with the Master showing up to cause trouble, alongside some gorgeous world-building, so I enjoy it very very much.

Ghost War by riptheh (25k, 1 chapter, gen) summary: All the Doctor wants to do is pass the time, and help a friendly face. So when a young man with a strange tattoo and a psychic wound shows up, she dives right into the mystery - and finds herself flung far into the future, mindwiped and alone, fighting a war that by all rights, shouldn't exist at all. A war she could help end, if only she could figure out who she is. //Oof, this one. It's absolutely stunning. This author really has a way of taking some absolutely fascinating and mind-bending concepts and just running with it, and just nails it each time. I feel like the less I say about the plot of this one, the better, because it sort of unfolds as you go, but please just trust me when I say that it's absolutely fantastic.

Lifelines by Sue_Denham (40k, 11 chapters, gen, wip) summary: Lifeline: a thing on which someone or something depends, or which provides a means of escape from a difficult situation. Set just after the events of Spyfall, the Doctor has a few things to work through. //Okay this fic is one of my favourites that's been posting over the last year or so - it's a brilliant exploration of Graham and Thirteen, and how different races deal with loss, guilt and death. I honestly think the best kind of sci fi takes concepts that we sort of take for granted, and then shows them in a completely new light. That's what this fic does. Also, Graham is just wonderful for the entire thing - though, as a note, Yaz and Ryan do end up somewhat side-lined, so bear that in mind if you're particularly looking for fics about those two, but I forgive it because it's such a great look at Graham and the Doctor. It feels like a character focused tie-in novel, y'know? Also it's pretty angsty in places, naturally, but that's what I'm here for haha.

Disordered by Echo (44k, 7 chapters, jack/13) summary: Messing with memories is always a risky business. Messing with your own memories, now that's just asking for trouble. The Doctor is very good at asking for trouble. And Jack is very good at finding it. //Ohhhhh okay so. This has been one of my absolute favourite Doctor Who fics for a long while. Definitely the shippiest of this list, but it's so lovely and such an excellent look at the Doctor facing the consequences of trying to get back her Division memories in the aftermath of s12, as well as the relationship between the Doctor and Jack across multiple regenerations. It's just so so good, flowing smoothly from very angsty to very soft, and the Doctor and Jack's voices are just spot on (especially considering that we see different versions of the Doctor, this is a particularly impressive note). Highly recommend!

The Trial of the Doctor by wreckageofstars (20k, 5 chapters, gen/thasmin, wip) summary: Haven is a planet at the edge of time, on the brink of destruction. Ravaged by the Time Lords and a war that time forgot, its people are desperate for justice before it’s too late, and the Doctor might be the only being left in the universe who can provide it — because she was the one who started it. So why can't she remember doing it? //Okay okay so, this one has only recently started posting but I've known about it since about 2020 and ohhhhhhhhhhh my goodness, GUYS. If you're not following this one, you need to be. It's a mix between Doctor Who at it's finest, Kafka at it's most unsettling, and Douglas Adams at it's most absurd, and it's delightful. There's so much in this one, and as always this author is just spot on with all the characterisation - especially Thirteen, who suddenly finds herself being prosecuted for a crime that she can't remember, and is forced into a situation where she's physically incapable of telling a lie. It. Is. Marvellous. Also there's a cockroach lawyer, whom I adore HAHA

lighthouse keeper by BlueLillyBlue (57k, 12 chapters, gen) summary: The Doctor is missing, and the fam is concerned. Featuring Yaz being a badass, Ryan being a cutie, Graham being a granddad, Jack being Jack, and the Doctor's complicated moral code. Also: space prisons, galactic war, the Doctor's time war trauma, the Doctor caring about people in her own weird and repressive way, and, most importantly, Thirteen wearing Jack's coat. //Oh, this one is such a favourite of mine. It's very angsty, so if that's not your schtick then - well, then you're kinda scuppered for all of my recs, to be honest, but this one is a bit on the dark side. Oh, but it's fantastic. Again, this one feels like a tie-in novel, and this author (as I think I've said before) is just incredible at crafting these very vivid worlds and really hard-hitting stories. The situation is pretty dire and desperate, and the Doctor is often faced with the fact that not every plan works out, and sometimes the only choices are bad ones. It's just really excellent guys (also! Thirteen in Jack's coat!!)

angel ellipsis by SleepyMaddy (36k, 8 chapters, gen/thoschei) summary: When the Doctor and Yaz find a planet in ruins, they’re only half surprised to discover the Master is responsible. But when his plan backfires, suddenly they have no choice but to work with him to stop his former allies from tearing the universe apart. It goes about as well as one might expect. //OKAY SO. This one is SO much fun and SO great - in particular, if you like the Master being a tricky bastard, but also getting screwed over by his own plans? You'll love this one. Everything about it is so vibrant and brilliant, and aaaaaahh man it all comes together in such a satisfying way. As with many of the authors on this list, this author just really gets these characters and how they tick, with some absolutely beautiful prose, and it's just such a joy to read.

nothing in the dark that isn't there in the light by river_of_words (6k, 1 chapter, thasmin) summary: Two weeks since Yaz got the most confusing rejection she ever hopes to get and the Doctor seems to have decided to blame Yaz for every single one of her furiously conflicting emotions. At this point she’s sort of asking to get hit. And at this point Yaz is sort of curious to find out what the Doctor is going to say that’s going to make her meet that request. //These next two fics are a lot shorter compared to the others, but I really wanted to include both of them because they're great and SO interesting to me. With this one, it digs into the Doctor and Yaz's relationship in the aftermath of LOTSD, and the ways that the Doctor does not actually talk about anything but does also tell Yaz more than anyone else. It's about the frustration that builds between them and the way that they're still finding more comfort in each other than anyone else. It's also a little feral, which as a thoschei shipper, definitely had a lot to do with why I liked this one haha. Anyway, it's really fantastic - really quick paced and emotional, and packing a LOT of punches with mostly dialogue in a very effective way. Go read it!

we'll do it right by daring_elm (3k, 1 chapter, gen) summary: She's never really noticed Yaz's perfume before. Shoulders relaxing, nausea subsiding, the Doctor inhales again, filling her lungs with jasmine and sandalwood, steel and glowing crystals and her box out of time. She can be back with Yaz within minutes of her leaving. She can save the child, change the foundation of Gallifrey and still return to have a picnic on Soria T4.  //Okay so I loooove love love this one because I just adore it any time someone explores the Doctor's reaction to the Timeless Child stuff after the fact, and this one is just so wonderful. The characterisation is just fantastic, and then just the progressive spiral of the plot as we follow the Doctor on a mission that is doomed to fail by the nature of her own timeline. It's about how by trying to change the past, all you do is mess up your present and your future, and I love that a lot. Augh, it's a gut punch and a half - highly recommended!

[pomplalamoose]

nsfw Dilf!Luke headcanons

🌹modern day AU🌹

A/N: I looove how these three asks share a common theme, so I decided to make one big post instead of three smaller ones to have all that sexy Dilf!Luke content in one place👀

Also I feel like I haven't posted in forever, I used to have so much time for writing :(

⭐ Dilf!Luke seeing you dressed up for the first time

• it doesn't matter at what point of your relationship you are, whether you are already a couple or only met recently

• Luke is stricken with awe, his mind wiped completely blank

• the only difference here is in how he acts

• in no way will he allow you, or anyone at that, to see what your appearance does to him if you're nothing more than his child's friend

• it just wouldn't be proper and he doesn't want to make you uncomfortable

• instead his impassive gaze will take in your outfit in a matter of seconds before casually sweeping away as if nothing out of the ordinary was going on

• possibly, if he's feeling a little risky, you'll receive a curt nod in acknowledgement of your presence

• though he'll then excuse himself abruptly, leaving you behind confused and maybe a bit hurt

• how ridiculous you feel to have dressed in such a way now!

• doesn't he think you pretty?

• oh but he does

• despite a short glance being all he allowed himself, the picture of you couldn't be burnt into his memory any more clearly

• you're so beautiful it nearly causes him physical pain, so moved is he by the sight of you

• was that really you he saw standing there?

• it might as well could've been an angel

• the need to take a look at you again is overwhelming, though first he'll have to find his courage to do so

• he will have to catch his breath, requires time to rebuild his composure and to gather his wits before daring to face you again

• he doesn't trust himself, doesn't believe he'll be able to refrain from leering at you like the perverted old man he is

• though once you're in a relationship and he sees you dressed up for the first time he'll do so unapologetically and without holding back, shamelessly undressing you with his eyes until you allow him to do more

• he'll take his time too, not caring if it will make you late to whatever event you're invited to

• stand right there opposite the window, against the backdrop of the white wall, so he can better take you in, will you?

• yes, just like that

• the lighting really flatters your skin

• give it a twirl, he wants to see every angle

• oh aren't you pretty?

• he'll sit down then, legs spread casually, letting his hot gaze travel over your body, lets it linger, until you're flushed red and squirming in embarrassment

• imagine his lazy grin

• imagine him slowly leaning forward, elbows propped up on his knee, his voice slightly rougher than before when he speaks

• do a pose for him, you know which one

• the one you did for that picture he took of you, the one he likes so much

• you can do that for him, can't you?

• throw him a kiss

• there you go

• play with your hair, give him a smile

• now, don't be so shy, there's no need

• you possess a beauty beyond compare, unlike anything he has ever seen before

• which lipstick are you wearing?

• is it the one he bought for you? The long lasting, kiss proof one?

• come, sit next to him and prove it

• you know, now that he thinks about it, you wouldn't mind staying here with him for a little while longer, wouldn't you?

⭐ Dilf!Luke's thoughts on boobs

• no matter their shape and size, Luke is and forever remains a boob man, no matter the universe

• his poker face may be spectacular, unreadable most of the time, but not even he can keep his eyes from widening, cannot refrain from blushing when he gets a good look at your cleavage

• before you're in a relationship with him I imagine him acting very similarly to the way he did seeing you dressed up for the first time

• however I don't think he'd always manage to slip away as inconspicuously as he did then

• most likely that's because he'd only notice the lower cut once you're sitting down together for dinner or while he's driving you home, making it impossible for him to leave the situation

• after all a lot remains hidden under a winter coat and a slightly too big shirt might look perfectly normal at first glance until it doesn't

• maybe you're leaning over the table to reach for a plate

• maybe you're offering to take his used dishes to the kitchen

• maybe you dropped something and are hastily trying to pick it up, to clean away your mess

• maybe the car's seatbelt got slightly tangled in your top, causing it to sit even more revealingly than it normally would

• either way, Luke grows hard instantly

• you already were are a constant in all of his dirty dreams before but unbelievably so they just got a whole lot more exciting

• he can't help it, can't help wondering how they'd feel like in his hands

• not when they look this soft and inviting

• not when they're just made to be fondled and caressed by him

• maybe you'd even let him scatter kisses and gentle bites all over their silky expanse

• maybe you'd allow him to play with your nipples?

• his eyes are prone to roll to the back of his head from just imagining it

• in no way will Dilf!Luke ever beat the allegations of being horny for you like a teenager

• not before he's dating you and certainly not after

• in fact quite the contrary is the case

• lust overcomes him easily when he sees your top closely hugging your figure, framing your cleavage and collar bones

• you better believe he's going to live out all of the countless fantasies he collected over the years without ever tiring of them

• not even when time is short is he able to resist

• don't worry though, there's no need to fully undress

• just let him bare your breasts so he can watch them bounce while he fucks you hard and fast on the sofa, before sending you on your way with a gentle slap to the back of your ass

⭐ Dilf!Luke in bed headcanons

• in one of my other posts (I think it was the fluffy Dilf!Luke hc's one) I already touched on this topic briefly, you can take a look here, though of course I'd love to go into more detail

• Luke likes to takes his sweet time with you

• not necessarily because he's a tease but because he thinks you deserve it

• he does enjoy the occasional quickie a lot, yes, but only if it's something you're into as well and if you've already been dating for a good amount of time

• so especially at the beginning of your relationship, when he's still a little unsure whether you actually desire him, his approaches will be nearly shy and always over the top gentle

• he's afraid you'll feel pressured into sleeping with him, something he wants to avoid at all cost

• his foreplay is thorough as he makes sure to check if you're still into it every few minutes

• you could be covered in sweat from head to toe, muscles helplessly shaking as he talks you through your third orgasm, and he'd still go "oh do you like that, sweetheart?" actually meaning it

• this requires much patience on his part though, patience he does not really possess

• despite his age his libido is as high as his sexual fantasies are active, so he often sees the need to take off a certain edge before allowing himself to take you to bed

• it's nothing that requires anything spectacular either, a few rough pumps under the shower usually do the trick

• you see, it has been a while since he last had sex and he's adorably nervous

• he wants to make you feel good above all else, so what if his performance has suffered over the years?

• what if you're faking your pleasure in order to not hurt his feelings?

• so exploring your body to memorize every little twitch you give in response is extremely important to him

• he doesn't care if he's rock hard and straining uncomfortably against his pants

• he will go as long as he needs to until you're begging him to finally fill you up

• (not that he minds, giving oral and fingering you open in front of a mirror are some of his favorite things to do)