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iamnightduchess · 4 years

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WIP: Chills (T, Modern AU)

Summary:

A grieving mother finds herself confronting the shadows of her guilt, the long overdue failing of her marriage and memories of the one who could have been the moment they wheeled in an injured soldier from Marley straight into her operating room. The day she saved the life of Vice Commander Braun of Marley’s prized Titan unit was also the day he saved her own lost soul in return.

More often, memories may be lost forever but the heart never lies. He still makes shivers dance down her spine heading down to her feet just like he used to do twelve years ago and his heart still beats as hard for her the same way. Even when he can’t ever remember why. ReinerxMikasa. Modern + SnK HighSchool (Attack on High School Caste) AU.

Ship(s): Reiner x Mikasa (ReiKasa)

AU: Love Like This

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Snippet:

June 9, Present Year

Trost Military Hospital, Paradis

The sounds of her boots stepping hurriedly on the polished floors resonated against the clean, white walls of the hallways in hollowed echoes. A voice caught her dead in her tracks as soon as she turned into the corner leading into the more secluded operations wing of the hospital’s main building.

“Good afternoon, Dr. Jeager?” A young man, who seemed to be waiting anxiously near the entrance to the operating theatre DM05, approached her as soon as she came into his view. From his security tag and the embroidered emblem on his coat, it was very apparent that he is the personnel from Marley that she’s supposed to be liaising with on the emergency procedure she was called in for.

After quite some time, she casually corrected this stranger’s greeting underneath her breath. “It’s actually Dr. Ackerman now.”

“I’m sorry?” Perplexed, the man, still apologized for his potential blunder yet his tone remained polite despite the obvious confusion in his tone. “Also, I'm very sorry, I might have a misguided notion that the famous neurosurgeon in Paradis would be a--”

She turned her head to the side. “Some old, bearded guy with a bad sense of humor?” She couldn’t hold back the untimely humor laced with cynical sarcasm within her own voice.

She could see the other young man began to swallow a metaphorical knot nervously down his own throat and his trickling sweat didn’t help her observation either. “You’re not wrong actually. The original Dr. Jeager, my foster father, had been the famous one. Not me.”

“I’m sorry, Dr. Jeager, I mean Ackerman. I got confused.”

“No harm done.” Even she would be confused at her own status. She shook her head, dismissing her own earlier persistence in wanting to be addressed with her own maiden name again. A stranger doesn’t need to know her personal issues or the status of her marriage.

But she really needed to sort this shit out with the administration before more people get confused.

Nevertheless, she prompted for the attending personnel to continue his words.

“Thank you so much for scrubbing in. I’m Marcus Daniels, the attending physician for the patient. We apologize for this short notice but since it’s summer break, all of our neurosurgeons are away for volunteering or break. Rest assured, we have received the signed disclaimer from the patient’s next of kin, his mother, along with the referral from Marley’s Military Hospital. The paperwork has been received by the administration. We’re good to proceed with the emergency procedure.”

The raven-haired woman shook her head, disregarding the standard same ‘ole assurance from the Medical Officer who was tasked to accompany the Marleyan patient currently in between life and death on that table inside her Operation Theatre. Her patients’ lives take precedence before any incidents that could warrant a potential lawsuit. She gestured for the MO to follow suit as she put on the green scrubs and surgical cap available inside the prep room. “Walk with me, Daniels. Give me a brief of the patient. How long ago was the initial contact?”

“Male, 31, a military vet from Marley’s prized Special Ops Unit. The reported time of the initial impact was twelve hours ago. Patient’s BP is stable, X-ray did not display any shrapnels, bullet’s still in one piece but the bleeding unfortunately, had begun to spread to the patient’s medial temporal lobe since six hours ago….and...well….”

They stopped short just in front of the door that leads to the main wash area of the operating room. Her nose picked up the overwhelming scent of industrial disinfectant coming from behind that door. Her eyes leered back at the MO, her forehead creased in reaction to the other man’s trailing words. She did not like that tone or even the single last word of his sentence at all. “What is it?”

“Ma’am, the First Response team had to perform an emergency resuscitation and this could not be just an on-site training incident. There was an excessive amount of Paxil together with alcohol from the patient’s digestive tract. Patient was under the influence right before he went in to support the unit’s rookie training. Bloodwork confirmed this.” The young man, who looked like he’s only several years younger than she is, could only shook his head in absolute empathy.

Paxil and liquor are a deadly mix. The patient must have been aware of his own prescriptions. There was an immediate flash of concern upon her face before she pressed for a confirmation to her impulsive suspicion; asking, “C-PTSD? ‘Intentional’ incident?” She couldn’t possibly be discreet if she’s dealing with more than just the life of a war veteran on the line. An unstable patient with self-harming tendencies requires a much delicate approach especially if the injuries sustained by the patient would require a full invasive craniotomy to stop the source of bleeding from the bullet.

The MO shook his head in return. “We can’t rule that out or in yet without looking into the patient’s psych eval records. Those files are sealed by the Psychiatric unit in Marley, Dr. Jea-Ackerman. We’d need a referral from your Psychiatrist here to access those files after for the patient's recovery.”

“There’s no time to waste then.” There was a short pause in her words as she pressed a digital button on the room’s intercom system. “Nurse Rheinberger, Dr. Ackerman in OT-DM05. Code Blue. Requesting assistance to page Dr. Ian Dietrich, Psychiatry to support emergency neurosurgery a.s.ap. Over.”

She turned her head back to the young MO and inquired as a formality, even though she was very aware that the patient had been placed under anesthesia. “Patient’s name?”

“Uhm…” Daniels flipped open the paper folder in his hands and read the patient’s name out loud. “Braun, Reiner.”

She stopped dead in her tracks, her heart skipped not one but two immediate beats and she could feel it hitting hard against her chest. “Come again?”

“Reiner Braun, Dr. Ackerman. No middle name.”

There are a lot of people with the same name. “Birthdate?” It’s just not possible.

“August 1, 19xx.”

Her hands stood frozen against the door of the operation theater. From where she stood, she could see the motionless body hooked on multiple wires connecting to a life support system on top of her operation table from between the clear glass screens.

“Doctor?”

She looked back at the other man but not before blinking back the shock-induced tears gathered inside her eyelids. “Please get Dr. Dietrich here. Now. It would be against my protocol to operate on a patient with past or existing personal attachments without a senior physician’s supervision.”

“You know the patient?”

“Yes…He was...” Her words trailed unfinished, which only roused the other person’s curiosity although it was none of his business. “Just go. NOW.”

“Sorry, sorry!” The man quickly disappeared behind the main door in a flash leaving her behind with a much needed space and air to breathe.

Oh my God, Reiner. What happened to you?

She rushed towards the faucet and hurriedly splashed her face with the cold water just so she could hide the stubborn tears already running down her cheeks.

Out of all the times, why now? Why here? Why do their paths cross again after six years - with him; his life barely hanging on a thread right now on her very own operating table?

She can’t fuck this up. Never had she ever did before, but never had she ever performed a procedure on someone she personally knew. There are just too many reasons why and too little time for her to be caught in another mulling.

#WIP Wednesday #AO3 fic #Chills #by NightDuchess #snk fic #aot fic #modern au #ReiKasa #reiner x mikasa #reiner braun #mikasa ackerman #ReiKasa fic #ReiKasa Modern AU

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mrjat396 · 4 years

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THE MANY HEALTH BENEFITS OF METH

In low, pharmaceutical-grade doses, methamphetamine may actually repair and protect the brain in certain circumstances. But stigma against the drug could be harming patients and holding back research.

TROY FARAHMAY 15, 2019

D-methamphetamine is what generally appears on the street—although it's often cut with other chemicals—whereas l-meth provides a less addictive, shorter-lived high that is less desirable among drug users.

(Photo: Fiona Goodall/Getty Images)

Ask your doctor about methamphetamine. It's not a phrase you'll ever hear on TV or the radio, but here's a secret: Meth is an incredible medicine. Even the Drug Enforcement Administration admits it, and doctors are known to prescribe it for narcolepsy, obesity, and ADHD. Historically, meth has been used to reverse barbiturate overdoses and even raise blood pressure during surgery. Some preliminary research suggests that meth can be neuroprotective against stroke and traumatic brain injury, even stimulating the growth of brain cells.

Yet we're constantly warned never to try meth—"not even once," goes the refrain—or it will instantly cause addiction and ruin your life. Before fentanyl was the demon drug du jour, meth was seen as the worst, most destructive, most evil chemical you could find on the streets. Even of late, if you ask the New York Times or NBC, you'll learn that meth, "the forgotten killer," is back with a "vengeance." Other outlets, from Rolling Stone to CNN to The Daily Beast, have raised the alarm about meth use in the context of the opioid overdose crisis.

Stimulant-related deaths are indeed on the rise in North America—in some regions, meth is even more prevalent than heroin. Surveying drug overdoses in America from 1979 through 2016, researchers wrote in Science in September of 2018 that "Methamphetamine deaths have increased most dramatically in the western and southwestern United States."

Meth poisonings accounted for an estimated 14,845 hospitalizations in 2015, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), and another 15,808 emergency room visits. In 2016, around 7,500 people died from overdosing on stimulants, including meth. If you ask most people, including policymakers, you'll hear that meth is a scourge that can do no good.

But if you've ever used something like Vicks VapoInhaler, you've experienced the healing benefits of meth firsthand. That's because the over-the-counter nasal decongestant contains levomethamphetamine, the levorotary form—or "mirror image"—of the same stuff from Breaking Bad. Procter & Gamble tries to obscure this fact by spelling the active ingredient "levmetamfetamine." Selegiline, a drug for treating Parkinson's and Alzheimer's diseases, also metabolizes into levomethamphetamine.

There is a significant difference between these two opposing molecules. D-methamphetamine is what generally appears on the street—although it's often cut with other chemicals—whereas l-meth provides a less addictive, shorter-lived high that is less desirable among drug users. But people can and do use it recreationally. Abuse is rare, however, in part because the high is shitty, but also because d-meth is so widely available. It's easier to buy a more powerful form of the drug on the street than it is to try to extract it from over-the-counter medications.

Other Americans are prescribed actual, pure meth by their doctors. It happens less frequently these days, but in ADHD, obesity, or narcolepsy cases where nothing else has worked, a drug called Desoxyn (methamphetamine hydrochloride) can sometimes help. It can even be prescribed to children as young as seven.

It's important to make these distinctions. Meth didn't make a "comeback"; it never left. It can't return with a "vengeance" and it can't be "evil" because we're talking about a chemical compound here. It has no personality, no feelings, no intentions.

Thus it does a disservice to science and to medicine, as well as to the people who use these drugs responsibly, to treat a molecule with dualistic properties purely as a poison. And as recent research has shown, we're still uncovering some of the potential therapeutic benefits of methamphetamine. Confronting the stigma associated with meth and highlighting its benefits can better inform drug policy and addiction treatment.

(Photo: HO/Royal Thai Navy/AFP/Getty Images)

'IT'S JUST A STIMULANT, LIKE ANY OTHER STIMULANT'

For Jordan*, the meth he's prescribed works better against his ADHD with fewer side effects than the Adderall he'd been on for 20 years. About five years ago, Jordan asked his doctor if he could try methamphetamine. The doc said sure.

"The first time I brought it to the pharmacy, the pharmacist actually said to me, 'Oh, your doctor wrote this prescription wrong, this is the stuff that they make in meth labs,'" Jordan tells me by phone. "I told him to type 'Desoxyn' into the computer, and he did. He kind of backtracked, [but] he obviously had no idea."

Jordan, a middle-aged man from North Carolina who works in clinical research, now switches every three months between Adderall and Desoxyn to prevent building a tolerance to either stimulant.

Methamphetamine and amphetamine (one of the active ingredients in Adderall) are almost identical chemicals. The main difference between the two is the addition of a second methyl group to methamphetamine's chemical structure. This addition makes meth more lipid-soluble, allowing for easier access across the blood-brain barrier. Meth is therefore not only more potent, but also longer-lasting.

"The medications have definitely been important for me, to be productive, to be successful, not just at work but also in my personal life," Jordan says. "I've been on the medications for years, but I can take Adderall or methamphetamine and take a nap afterwards. I don't have any noticeable side effects."

Jordan also doesn't feel "high" from the doses he takes—approximately 10 to 15 milligrams of meth per day. Doses at this level are well tolerated by most people. It's very difficult to estimate the typical dosages of illicit meth taken on the street, but they are generally many times higher and taken every couple of hours. Further, the route of administration—typically, users smoke or inject illicit meth—allows for more of the drug to enter the bloodstream than taking a prescription pill.

At high doses, meth gives a rush of euphoria, boosting attention span, zapping fatigue, and decreasing appetite. Intense sexual arousal, talkativeness, and rapid thought patterns are also common. Body temperature and heart rate shoot up, which can cause irregular heartbeat, increasing the risk of seizures. If taken repeatedly over long periods, street meth can be highly neurotoxic, inducing paranoia and psychosis.

But illicit meth is also often used to self-medicate, according to Mark Willenbring, an addiction psychiatrist from St. Paul, Minnesota, with over 30 years of practice treating substance-use disorders. In Willenbring's experience, most of his patients who use illegal meth are treating undiagnosed ADHD.

"There's a high degree of comorbidity between substance-use disorders and ADD," Willenbring says. "They used meth for years in a controlled way, they never over-used it, they just used enough to get an effect, and then they stopped. One misconception is that it's always very addictive."

With most people who are addicted to meth, Willenbring says, you can't tell it just by looking at them. Carl Hart, a neuroscientist in Columbia University's Department of Psychology, agrees that the image of a snarling meth addict with bad teeth is a false stereotype. The dental damage so prevalent in anti-drug propaganda, he says, is more likely due to poor nutrition and lack of sleep—not to the drug. "There is no empirical evidence to support the claim that methamphetamine causes physical deformities," Hart wrote in a 2014 co-authored report.

"It's just a stimulant, like any other stimulant," Willenbring says. "It's a marketing issue."

Part of the reason Jordan asked to try Desoxyn in the first place was to see if he'd develop any of the "stereotypical meth addict problems," as he puts it. He hasn't.

"Those of us that know the reality have a responsibility to say, 'Hey, not that shooting up meth isn't bad, but the chemical itself isn't bad,'" Jordan says. "It's just misuse of the chemical that's bad."

For Joan*, a 66-year-old grandmother living off the grid in northern Georgia, Desoxyn makes her feel normal. "Not high, not hyped up, just normal," she tells me. She's been taking prescription meth since 2006, but first tried many other ADHD meds, such as Ritalin and Concerta, with poor results. But Desoxyn has not only helped her socialize, manage bills, and finish her master's degree in social work; it's also helped with Joan's depression and self-esteem.

"The only downside is the cost," she says. "It's one of the oldest drugs on the market, but even generic, it is outrageously expensive."

Still, meth isn't for everyone, of course. Kevin*, a 31-year-old artist from the Midwest, was first prescribed Desoxyn at age 15 to treat extreme fatigue and trouble focusing. But misdiagnosed mental-health issues—his doctors thought he had bipolar disorder, when in fact he had post-traumatic stress from childhood abuse—led to worsening symptoms.

"Being able to just take a bunch of pills that made the exhaustion go away for a while felt like a blessing, but it was just a Band-Aid on the problem," Kevin says. "I became completely dependent upon Desoxyn to function, and any lapse in taking my dose would result in a terrible energy crash."

"In retrospect, my neurologist at the time would have done well to consider the effects of intense stimulants on someone already prone to mania, insomnia, and hallucinations," he says. "I think Desoxyn has its merits as part of a treatment plan for attentive disorders, but that's the thing—it needs to be part of a larger understanding of how and why it might have a negative impact upon the patient's overall health, and should remain closely monitored throughout."

"Stigma is the lens [through] which we see all drug issues. It keeps us from making the best decisions. It is fear-based, not rational, not creative. Because of stigma, we have not fully addressed the opioid crisis."

(Photo: Guillermo Arias/AFP/Getty Images)

HOW METH CAN TREAT BRAIN INJURY—AND MUCH MORE

Street doses of meth can be extremely damaging to your health. The purity of such drugs is often unknown, and repeated, high doses of meth have been proven to be neurotoxic. But in low, pharmaceutical-grade doses, meth may actually repair and protect the brain in certain circumstances.

This was first discovered in 2008, when researchers at Queen's Medical Center Neuroscience Institute in Honolulu, Hawaii, analyzed five years of data on traumatic head injuries. They unexpectedly found that patients who tested positive for methamphetamine were significantly less likely to die from the injuries. The authors suggested that meth could have neuroprotective benefits.

To learn more, in 2011, a different team from the University of Montana applied meth to slices of rat brain that had been damaged to resemble the brains of stroke victims. Then they induced strokes in living rats, using a method called embolic MCAO, and injected them with methamphetamine. At low doses, the meth gave better behavioral outcomes and even reduced brain-cell death. At high doses, the meth made outcomes worse.

Because meth stimulates the flow of important neurotransmitters—dopamine, serotonin, and norepinephrine—the Montana researchers theorized that methamphetamine may provide neuroprotection through multiple pathways. David Poulsen, one of the researchers involved, says this was a "serendipitous discovery."

"So we decided, well, if it worked in stroke, it's probably going to work really well in traumatic brain injury," says Poulsen, now a neurosurgeon at the University of Buffalo who specializes in treatments for protecting the brain after severe damage.

Traumatic brain injury, or TBI, occurs after a violent smash to the skull. Its consequences include concussions on the mild end and coma or death on the severe end. TBI kills around 50,000 Americans annually, according to the CDC, while about 2.8 million of us visit the emergency room for TBI-related injuries every year. There is currently no Food and Drug Administration-approved treatment for TBI.

So, Paulson and his team reasoned, if meth can already be prescribed for children, why not to adults with TBI?

To test the proposition, Poulsen and colleagues gave TBI to rats. Giving an animal brain trauma isn't easy, but for more than two decades, there's been a trick called the rat lateral fluid percussion injury model: Simply cut a hole in the skull of a rat and apply water pressure to the brain.

About half the rodents—19 male Wistar rats—were given this treatment, and eight of these were then given meth. The rats given meth performed better at a task called the Morris water maze, a widely used experiment that involves plopping a rat into a pool of water with a hidden platform. By tracking how long it takes the rodent to find the platform, scientists can measure many different aspects of cognitive function.

"By the third day of training, there were no statistically significant differences between the uninjured control rats and the injured rats that had been treated with methamphetamine," Poulsen and his colleagues wrote.

But the team also found that low doses of meth were protecting immature neurons, while also promoting the birth of new brain cells that are important for learning and memory. The same was also true for rats that were given meth, but not injured.

"We see not just little, but very significant improvements in cognition and behavior," Poulsen says. "Their memories improved, functional behavior is improved.... It's not a trivial difference."

"In light of the fact that low-dose methamphetamine is FDA-approved for use in juveniles and adults, we see no valid reason why it cannot be utilized in human clinical trials for stroke and TBI," Poulsen and colleagues concluded in 2016.

But those clinical trials, considered the gold standard for testing medication, have yet to materialize, even while a 2018 retrospective study found similar results to the Hawaiian neuroscience report: Out of 304 patients with TBI, those who also tested positive for meth had better recovery results than those who did not. "The potential neuroprotective role of meth and other similar substances cannot be ignored," the authors wrote in Clinical Neurology and Neurosurgery last July.

There are limited conclusions that we can draw about these rodent and retrospective studies, and it's probably unlikely that nurses will soon start giving meth to people who have cracked their skulls. Still, a wide variety of stimulant therapies for TBI is being explored, with positive results. These include trials with modafinil, a narcolepsy drug; amantadine, a Parkinson's drug; and dextroamphetamine, one of the components of Adderall. But there's still no indication of a single clinical trial for methamphetamine for TBI registered with the National Institutes of Health.

Methylphenidate, also known as Ritalin, seems to be the stimulant most popular in these trials. For example, in 2004, researchers at Drucker Brain Injury Center at MossRehab Hospital in Pennsylvania gave methylphenidate, better known as Ritalin, to 34 patients with moderate to severe TBI. They reported significant improvements in information processing and attention.

Twelve years later, in Gothenburg, Sweden, another 30 patients suffering from prolonged fatigue following TBI were given methylphenidate and observed for six months. They also showed improved cognitive function and reduced fatigue. But a 2016 meta-analysis of 10 controlled trials found the main benefit of giving methylphenidate for TBI was increased attention, "whereas no notable benefit was observed in the facilitation of memory or processing speed," the authors wrote. They encouraged more research into appropriate dosages and length of prescription.

Birgitta Johansson, a neuroscientist at the University of Gothenburg and lead author of the Swedish study, suggests caution whenever treating someone with a brain injury. "With methylphenidate, it is important to be aware about possible side effects, [such] as increased blood pressure and heart rate and also risk of anxiety," she says. "It is always very important to prescribe medication with care and follow the patient carefully."

But the reason meth isn't studied more rigorously—for TBI, for Alzheimer's and Parkinson's, for stroke—could also come down to money. Methamphetamine is off-patent, meaning there may be less financial incentive for pharmaceutical companies to explore the drug's potential uses. Consider Vyvanse, a drug first marketed in 2007, with a new formulation introduced in 2017, that racked up $2.1 billion in sales in 2017. Desoxyn, which is sold by three companies, only earned about $9.3 million in 2009.

While Methamphetamine may not be widely recognized as medicine, it clearly has potential to heal as well as harm. Recognizing the duality of meth is arguably all the more essential in the face of a rising stimulant overdose crisis.

"Stigma regarding any substance use or substance use disorder is counterproductive," says Dan Ciccarone, professor of family medicine at the University of California–San Francisco. He says the overdose crisis is shifting from opioids to stimulants and that we are not prepared for the next wave. "Stigma is the lens [through] which we see all drug issues. It keeps us from making the best decisions. It is fear-based, not rational, not creative. Because of stigma, we have not fully addressed the opioid crisis."

That stigma remains a major hurdle, and until doctors and public-health officials counteract this kind of messaging, it seems unlikely that a multinational pharmaceutical company would risk marketing a substance only believed to be toxic and deadly.

"Everything will kill you, if you take enough of it," Poulsen says. "Some things don't require a lot to do that. Meth is one of those things. But just like any drug, the difference between a poison and a cure is the dose."

*These names have been changed.

TAGSALZHEIMER'SADDERALLTRAUMATIC BRAIN INJURIESFEATURES & INVESTIGATIONSMETHAMPHETAMINEMETHTOPIC: HEALTH CARE

BY TROY FARAH

Troy Farah is an independent journalist and photographer in California. His reporting on science, health, and narcotics has appeared in Wired, Ars Technica, Smithsonian, Discover, Vice, and elsewhere. He co-hosts the drug policy podcast Narcotica.

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onisiondrama · 5 years

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PART 8 - video #14 & #15

(Click here for video mirrors)

[I just want to note: these are not my thoughts or words. I’m only summarizing what Greg / James is saying in his videos for people that don’t want to listen to him. I had a couple messages in my inbox from people who (I think) misunderstood what I’ve been posting, so I wanted to clarify I’m not defending Greg lol.]

the did nots

- Greg says someone named Kelly wrote him. He asked her to watch one of the many videos about him and tell him what the accusations were because he wants to address them because it’s easy and fun for him. - 4:25 His ex claimed she had a seizure and he was the cause of it. - He asks how could he be the cause of a seizure? Unless he hit someone over the head with a rock. Despite what people say about his brow, he’s not a caveman. - He didn’t call an ambulance and he recorded it for a Youtube video. - Greg says she faked the seizure. She had done it twice before. One of those times when he went to call an ambulance she popped up and snapped out of the seizure. If you met someone like that you’d understand, but it takes life experience to understand who they are. - 6:00 Claimed he groomed an underage person. - Says grooming isn’t calling someone a c-u-n-t. That’s like brushing your hair with razor blades and lemon juice. - 7:38 Greg targets vulnerable people. - Says it doesn’t make any sense. Are all these people damsels in distress? Are they incapable of defending themselves? Sarah was arrested for beating the crap out of a grown man. Not vulnerable, actually scary. So scary he spend the night in the garage because he was afraid she’d murder him. She had a full gremlin face. People like talking without knowing and call themselves reporters. - 8:31 Kai send and received explicit photos. - Says we no, Kai hates p-o-r-n. People make these claims with no evidence. You don’t have to give $20,000 to some a-hole, you just need legitimate concrete evidence. No one does that because no one has it. He’s seen people threaten to fake evidence. He’s seen screen shots of people who want to create fake evidence with deep fakes. If you wanted something done you should have talked to a lawyer and handled it privately, now the case is manipulated and contaminated. The livestreams contaminated everything. It’s a circus. - 8:00 Two people argued over who will take someone’s virginity. - He says “retarded” isn’t a good enough word for that. No one would argue about taking someone’s virginity unless you’re talking past tense. He says that’s totally different. They didn’t take her virginity. Kai did nothing and just layed there. [He talks about the crime against Sarah again.] People shouldn’t say Kai likes CP. That’s crazy, kids are disgusting. Nothing is attractive about them. Snot, my little pony obsession, backpacks, they don’t understand anything in the world. - 9:07 Claimed he instigated and had a threesome with someone then kicked her out shortly after she turned 18. - He says no. He says one person was receiving oral and he made love to the 18 year old but they weren’t kicked out shortly after. They were kicked out when they said he needs to impregnate them when they were “mano y mano” with each other in hopes the three of them would come together and be poly. He realized she didn’t care about the other person. - Greg abused his ex. - He asks if it’s the one that cheated on him and got pregnant with someone else’s baby? One time he called the cops on her because she threatened to kill herself and make it look like he did it. That person? Asks why no one considers the abuse toward him. Threatening to make it look like he murdered her is a crime. If he sold prescription pills, he’d be in jail. Sarah sold pills and she told him her mom tried to set her up to marry a guy for a green card and he’d pay her. Those are crimes. He thinks Sarah’s mom is innocent because after everything Sarah said about them they can’t believe anything. It’s loco Sarah shit. She admitted to doing cocaine too. - He dated Shiloh when she was underage. - He says you finally got something- [he cuts off and nods his head]. She was 17. They were both in areas it was legal and he was 24. The police looked into their relationship and checked stuff and they were good to go. Someone tried to get him in trouble, but he knew the law. When you love someone you don’t worry about taboo. - 11:08 Greg had an affair with her while he was still with Skye. - He says if his pp is 3,000 miles long maybe. He didn’t meet her until he filed for divorce. He says this person is an idiot and is spreading slanderous statements. How can you cheat with someone who is on the other side of the country? He laughs and says Skye’s last name isn’t Tantaga, that’s her username. He got a plane ticket when he was already filed for divorce. - 11:55 Shiloh may have been 16 when they first met. - He says he didn’t even talk to her until November 2010. He says look up her birthday she was 17 1/2. “Fucking facts yo.” Why don’t people care about the truth? -14:24 Greg made videos about ex girlfriends that were filled with lies. - He sarcastically says, “very specific, very proof.” No logic, just say “they lie.” - 22:17 Greg had photos from 12-17 in various states of undress on a forum. - Greg says you could just prove that if it’s true. Everyone forgets that website was 18+ and was heavily moderated. “Fucking idiot.” - 23:50 Greg removed forums because they were being investigated. - He asks what forums? He didn’t have forums and he doesn’t care about Hansen. He’s the one that called the cops on Hansen. The cops weren’t there for Chris Hansen, they told Greg to file an anti-harassment protection order against him. There’s nothing to fear. Chris Hansen is an old man and his last job contract wasn’t renewed because someone sued for $100 million and won. The only things to be afraid of are his douchiness and his creepiness. “Fuckin’ boomer.” - 26:10 Youtuber admits he gets more views when he talks about Onision. - Greg says finally something truthful. When this guy talk about anything that doesn’t have to do with Greg it’s like [thumbs down and laughs]. Greg tells them you know what you do and you don’t actually care. - Greg silences ex girlfriends by threatening to sue. - Greg asks when did this happen? He doesn’t remember that. If he did that it didn’t work. The girls are re-tweeting people threatening to burn his house to the ground. Sarah tweeted she wants to psychically attack him. He says she is going to be no one’s victim because she’s a fighter and he’s scared of her. - Greg has 7-8 other victims, possibly more. - Greg says that’s a tough sell because these people aren’t his victims, they’re just people he dumped. He says it’s like high school when people break up and they start rumors about each other. Youtube is high school 2.0. - 29:00 Kai is a victim and was underage when the relationship started. - Greg says Kai was 17 1/2, but told Greg he was about to turn 18. When Kai revealed the truth Greg already fell for him. He doesn’t agree with the victim part because they’re still married. This Youtuber should let kai speak for himself and not speak for people and pretend to be their hero. “Douchebag” - 29:10 Greg violated the mann act, accuses him of human trafficking. - Greg says if that happened, then prove it. When and how did he violate the mann act? - 30:15 He forced someone into signing an NDA and forced her to remain silent after they kicked her out. - Greg says Sarah said she wouldn’t sign the NDA unless she gets what she wants, which was sex. Later on she apologized for r-a-p-i-n-g them. He doesn’t know if she denied it yet, but she probably will. What she did was extortion and was a crime. Says this guy should make a hate video about Sarah now if he really gave a shit. - Greg took advantage of Kai because he was a fan, but that’s subjective. - Greg says stop speaking for Kai. Nobody asked Kai. - Greg groomed Kai. - Greg gives the same response. He says Sarah said she wasn’t groomed. She said “if anything I groomed you” and they thought it was funny until it was real. - Kai had a tinder. - Greg says that was for a video. It was a joke. He calls the Youtuber a joke. - Says he might respond to more because he doesn’t gibe a fuck anymore. He tells people to join OnisionFans.com to DM him questions.

oh my

- He apologizes from the heater noise. He says certain people get mad at him when he turns it off for videos because it makes the house cold. - He’s not sure if he’s being left now for speaking out. He doesn’t know what Kai is going to do now that he’s speaking out. - He wants to talk about the “investigation” (air quotes). He says he doesn’t take it seriously because he knows what actually happened. [Sarah NDA story for the 100th time] If an officer investigated the situation, he would arrest Sarah instead of Greg. Greg also has a witness who was also heavily pressured. You never heard this story from Sarah because she’s a fraud, a liar, she has BPD, she has a number of mental problems. Sarah wouldn’t say anything that would get her in trouble, but Greg said things that might get him into trouble about pressuring Kai. He did that because he felt bad for Sarah, but he should have had no sympathy for her like her mother. Her mother saw her for who she really was, one of the most toxic people he’s ever met. [Locked himself in the garage story.] When Sarah’s mad at you her eyes go from brown to black. - He says a lot of people will agree with him because it’s common sense. About Hansen and his crew, you don’t talk about a open investigations. You don’t try to monetize people’s pain when you’re trying to pursue them legally. You’re supposed to catch them by surprise. - He says when Chris had a show about people who went after 12 year olds, Chris didn’t warn them and tell them he was looking into them. He didn’t make a 9 month series about how terrible they are, then tell them he’ll go to their house to get them. He says it doesn’t make any sense. - Chris is getting donations and ad revenue. These girls feel sorry for themselves because they were dumped. Now they’re vengeful and malicious and they want to get back at him because they probably still want to be with him. If he never dumped them, would they still be together? They never dumped him except when Shiloh dumped him for h-e-n-t-a-i. He thinks they would still be together. Why are they only mad at him after he rejects them? - Hansen is paid to say there is a crime here. Greg saw Hansen allegedly stated he didn’t care about any of them and just wanted money, but he doesn’t believe that. He also saw Hansen hired someone named Anonymous Gene to dox Greg and his whole family. Greg says that doesn’t make sense to dox his whole family. It takes an evil person to do that. - When you have an investigation, you are supposed to stay silent then you catch them by surprise, take their stuff, and try to find something that would prove they’re guilty so they don’t have time to hide anything. - He has never spoken to Regina before as far as he knows. He thinks Regina is ugly. When Regina started talking to Kai when Kai was 17 so anything Regina has to say in nonsensical because of their ages. Kai denied anything was exchanged and isn’t interested in p-o-r-n. Kai is a beta male cuck, nervous, scared, anxiety disorder person, which is why he didn’t want Greg to talk about anything. Regina is a scumbag, horrible human. Regina is now working for Hansen and that’s a conflict of interest. You can’t have a witness work with someone who is making money going after someone. That’s absolute corruption. - Now people are saying they have evidence on him, they have a laptop. Spoiler alert, if you have evidence you tell someone they have it so they can get a warrant. It’s ridiculous because he has nothing of interest, but if he did the audience would have tipped him off forever ago. This was all handled horribly. He saw the other day he saw a public figure say”I hope we get this guy” with no evidence that Greg is guilty. You can’t do that, that’s slander. - The person who had the laptop before Sarah was a woman and she would have never looked at CP. It went from a woman, to another woman who apparently held onto CP for years, said she brought it to the police who did nothing, got it back, sent it to Vince, Vince sent it back. Vince got fired and changed Chris Hansen’s site to his mugshot. Greg says he was told Chris Hansen’s site now redirects to OnisionFans.com. He thinks that’s weird and funny. - Sarah started off by saying she was not groomed and only had her feelings hurt. Then people started working her up and her story progressively became something else. - This is the sloppiest investigation he’s seen in his life. He can’t believe the lack in professionalism. This isn’t a reality show, it’s real life. Greg is worried for Hansen because he put his whole career on this [he lists Hansen’s financial troubles] and if he doesn’t find something legit he’s screwed. - [Sarah laying in his lap story.] Greg thanks Sarah for describing his junk as “perfect.” “It’s just so perfect.” [Sarah being loud story again.] He says she complained he didn’t use the wand on her after he broke up with her. [He shrugs.] Says he meant to but didn’t get around to it. - So your investigation is a guy who had sex with an 18 1/2 year old? This person sexually extorted and blackmailed them. You should investigate her. [He lists supposed crimes she committed.] Greg said she had no idea these were crimes until he told her. “Idiot.”

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lovemesomesurveys · 4 years

Text

Are you an aunt or an uncle? Nope. Who did you last hug? My mom. Did you get anything super cool for Christmas? I got the iPhone 12 Pro Max. Where are the majority of your clothes? In my dresser. I have a pile on my bed and some stuff hung up in the closet as well. Will your next kiss be a mistake? I would hope not? I never understand this question.

Have you ever wanted to be a marine? No. Is beer good or nasty to you? Blech, I never cared for it. Who took your default picture? Myself. Have you ever had your tonsils taken out? Nope. Who was the last person to make you smile? My mom. Were you pissed off when you woke up today? No. Are you single / taken / crushing / confused? I’m very single. There’s not even anyone I’m interested in or talking to currently. Would you rather have a hookup or a relationship? A relationship. Are gonna have a baby by the time you’re 18? I’m 31 and baby free. I don’t want to have children. Does your mommy still do your laundry? She does. I need help with certain things and laundry is one of them. Will you be dating anyone in the next two weeks? Nope. Or anytime soon. Do you still care for your first love? I don’t have romantic feelings for him anymore, but yeah I’ll always care. Has your heart ever been broken? Yes, in the romantic sense and in other ways. Do you still watch cartoons? Sometimes. Have you ever dated a ‘Tom’ or ‘Garret’? Nope. Are you happy with your life right now? No. I haven’t been for a long time. What do you think of your principal? -- Who did you last share a bed with? My mom when we stayed at a hotel during our last vacation. Can a relationship last without sex and still be good? For some couples it could be. That’s between the couple. What color is your blanket? It’s a rose gold throw blanket. What do you think about clowns? I like Pennywise. Have you ever ‘turned your swag on’? I have zero swag. How was your day today? It’s been okay. Are you a control freak? No. Who is one person you would do anything for? My loved ones. How long is your hair? It’s past my butt. How well would you say you know your parents? I think I know them very well. Have you ever felt isolated or alienated? I’ve felt isolated, especially these past few years. What is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for you? Uh, there’s been a lot of things. My family alone has done so much for me throughout my life and then there’s friends in the past who have done nice things as well. Have you ever believed you were going to die? What happened? Yes. One time was due to a bad edibles trip, others were due to my hypochondria, and others were serious times where I really thought I might. If you were given a thousand dollars that you could not keep, would you give it to a person or a charity? Why? I think I would give it to my mom. If you could spend a day with one person in your extended family (still alive), who would it be? One of my aunts that I’m really close with and haven’t seen in over a year. Is there any artwork in the room you're in? Describe it. I have a few giraffe paintings. One of them is wearing a sweater and it’s super cute, haha. Who was your best friend in high school? Are you still friends today? My freshmen year and part of sophomore year it was Kyle and David, my sophomore and junior it was Derek and Gabbie, and my senior year my middle school best friend, Amanda, and I reconnected and became best friends again. What is the longest period you've gone without having sex? 31 years so far. How far into the past/future would you want to travel if possible? I wish I could revisit my childhood. Have you ever known someone who appeared to have everything? Yeah. Things aren’t always what they appear, though. What would you do to cheer up a friend going through a break up? I’ve been there and I just tried to be there for them when they needed to vent and while they cried. We usually would get food, too, cause ya know that can be comforting. We’d just hang out. List your favourites: book, song, movie, colour, place? Ya’ll know how hard it is for me to choose favorites with most things. I can list my favorite colors, though, which are pastels, rose gold, sea foam green, coral, and yellow. Who taught you the most about life (ex. a parent, grandparent, friend)? My mom. And my own experiences. Which ONE of these things would you take if you had to evacuate your house immediately: photos/photoalbum, laptop, phone, a book or your childhood comfort object? Gahhh, that would be so hard. I’d probably grab my laptop. What is your dream job and what steps will you have to take to attain it? I don’t have one. :/ What is the newest piece of furniture in your house? The oldest? The newest are the couches we got a few years ago. I’m not sure about the oldest, there’s a lot. What was the last conversation you had about the future? With who? My mom and I have talked about future travel plans recently. Who knows when we’ll be able to travel, though. Has anyone ever told you that you are too picky when it comes to the people you date? What about not picky enough? I have been told that I’m picky. When was the last time you went to a bar? Sometime 8 years ago. What three things would you change about your life? My health, financial situation, living situation (my family and I have wanted to move for so long but haven’t been able to). Was there anything unusual or unique about your birth? I was a C-section baby. What has happened in the past week that is worth remembering in five years? Nothing significant has happened. How much of your day did you spend completely alone? Uhh, just like the first hour when I got up until I dragged myself outta bed. What is the next book you are going to read? I just started the first book in a series, so I’ll read next book when I’m done. Why did you last see the doctor? I have to see my pain doctor once a month in order to get my prescription refills. What do you want to accomplish tomorrow? I have my Bible study work to do. List the cards in your wallet. I’m not doing that. What was the last thing to inspire you? Uhhh. I haven’t felt inspired in a long time. :/ Who was the last person to do something nice for you? My dad. What was the lowest point of this year? The highest? We’re only halfway through January, so I can’t say yet. What is your number one short-term goal? Long-term? I need to set some goals first and then actually work toward them. Are you dealing with anything difficult at the moment? Health stuff. What's the view like from your bedroom window? Right now it’s pitch black out, so there’s not a view at all. During the day it’s not much better, though. I just see the top of my neighbor’s roof, top of the fence, and part of a tree. If you had to change a tire right now, would you know how? Nope. Are you really pale? If so, do you mind? I am. I’d like to get a little more color. Have you ever taken a picture of yourself kissing someone? I didn’t take the photo, but I do have a photo like that What was the subject of the last list that you made? It was a grocery list. Do any of your family members have an upcoming birthday? My brother’s is next month. How old were you when you had your wisdom teeth removed? I was a teenager. What are the last three songs you listened to? I don’t remember. I haven’t been listening to music lately. Which languages can you speak fluently? Just English. Where was your Facebook profile picture taken? In my room. Does someone owe you over twenty dollars? Nope. How many hours do you work a week? If you don’t work, do you plan on finding a job? If so, when? No, not at this time. Do you ever make your own surveys, or just take them? I just take them. When is the next time you will be going out of town? I have no idea at this point. Do you have Netflix or Hulu? What was the last thing you watched? I have both. I just finished Dare Me on Netflix. Is there anybody you seem to constantly run into somewhere? No. I also don’t go anywhere, so. When you were fourteen, who was your favorite band? I was into alternative stuff and mainstream. How old was your mom when she had you? She was in her early 20s.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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androzapetaro · 4 years

Text

— && guests may mistake me as ( arón piper ), but really i am ( leandro 'andro' zapetaro + male + he/him/his ) and my DOB is ( 10/31/1997 ). i am applying for the ( hr ) position as part of the EHP and would like to live in suite ( #220 ). i should be hired because i am ( + ambitious, organized & perceptive ), but i can also be ( - loud, vulgar & confrontational ) at times. personally, i like to ( read, play cards, street race & practice martial arts ) when off the clock, but that won’t interfere with work. thank you for your consideration!

tw: knife mention, minor religious mentions, drugs, drug overdose, death

hello my lovelies, it’s jess, back with another kiddo for ya’ll to love on.

i also am fully aware there is a lot of information about andro’s brother in here, but it’s important to his character development. also i love to ramble.

♦ ♦ ♦ ♦

leandro zapetaro was born in brooklyn new york on halloween of 1997. he was a bit of a surprise to his parents, enrique and catherine, who already had two children, lucia and manuel, who were 10 and 8 respectively when he was born, but that didn’t mean he was loved any less. his parents are still together to this day, and they have a very happy healthy relationship with each other (even through the tragedy that happened to the family when leandro was 13).

enrique and catherine met while catherine was on a mission trip to el paso with her church, and in a whirlwind of a romance they were married within three weeks of meeting. leandro has always thought of his parents story as slightly insane, but it’s worked for them for this many years, and he doesn’t question it at all. for the first five years of their marriage, enrique and catherine lived with their two young children in del rio, texas. enrique worked in the booming housing industry while catherine worked as a secretary in a health care office. the family made it work through financial struggles but when enrique was offered to oversee a new apartment building development in brooklyn, the salary was too good to turn down. so within a year the zapetaro family was moving nearly two thousand miles to start a new life in a city none of them had ever been in.

just another year later, leandro was born, he was a pleasant surprise to his parents and siblings (lucia was eight and manuel was six at the time). growing up he did lots of following his brother and sister around, wanting always to be in their business and asking them to play with him constantly.

life was good for the family in brooklyn, they were doing very well in their new home in the city. the kids and catherine and enrique were making friends, it truly felt like brooklyn was the place the family belonged. they really were thriving.

on a trip to the grocery store, catherine and leandro met elena and nico delgado. the two five year olds hit it off quite quickly in the aisle while their mothers talked their mom talk. catherine invited elena and her son over for dinner and after that they were apart of the family. leandro and nico became best friends, near inseparable all throughout their childhood and schooling. despite their children not being in brooklyn anymore, catherine and enrique still have elena over for dinner once a week, there’s no getting rid of family dinner for the zapetaro’s.

the years went on without much turning south for the family, a job change for catherine, their daughter becoming a teenager with a bit of an attitude, but it all leveled out for them. they were counting blessings every day for the move they’d made to the city, how it’d helped them and made them all closer.

tw: drugs

when leandro was twelve, though, when his sister started dating jett tomes. being eighteen at the time, lucia didn’t care what her parents thought of her dating a twenty five year old, it was her life and she was going to be with the person she wanted to. unfortunately, the person she wanted to was a heavy drug user, hard drugs; cocaine, heroine, any kind of prescription pills he could get his hands on. jett was also involved in some crime sprees around brooklyn; breaking and entering, vandalism, robberies; needless to say her parents were far from thrilled about her involvement with jett, and the fights absolutely blew up in the home. lucia would be gone for days on end without coming home, only worrying enrique and catherine further. the last thing they wanted for their daughter was to watch her go down any of the same paths jett had gone down. still, despite the arguments and the pleading, lucia continued her involvement with jett.

leandro, being so young, did his best to stay out of any fights the family had, he would call nico on the phone while they argued or watch tv, whatever he had to do to drown out the fighting, he would. it didn’t make sense to him. he didn’t fully understand what jett was doing, but he knew if his parents asked him not to do something, he’d not do it, so it confused him that his sister continued to rebel the way she did.

manuel, on the other hand, was a soft spoken boy, not nearly as loud or excitable as his two siblings and he absolutely adored his older sister. he wanted her to be happy, and if jett made her happy he didn’t understand why his parents wanted to take it away from her. so, manuel made an effort to speak to jett, talk to him when he could. it was casual, nothing out of the ordinary until jett text messaged him out of the blue while lucia was at work to as if he wanted to hang out. manuel had never spent time with jett alone, but it didn’t feel like a bad thing to do, maybe he could get to the bottom of whatever his parents didn’t like about the man, right?

after that, jett and manuel grew closer. manuel liked jett, he thought jett was nice and funny, and it really did confuse him as to why his parents were so against this man. jett became somewhat of an older brother to manuel, too, and manuel was blind to the manipulation that was going on. jett really thought if he got in good with their son, the zapetaro’s would lay off him and their daughter.

which did not happen.

tw: drug overdose, death

one afternoon while manuel and jett were hanging out, jett finally brought the drugs out. he’d been itching for a fix all afternoon, and while he never did the drugs in front of the younger boy, manuel knew that jett was an addict, and didn’t particularly care as long as nothing happened to his sister. shooting himself up with herion, jett vedged out on the couch while manuel sat next to him. he wasn’t uncomfortable, but he felt like maybe he was missing out on something. asking jett what it felt like to be high was the first step, and before he had time to really even process what was going on, a needle was going into his arm. herion. and a lot of it was injected into manuel’s body and it immediately reacted, in his cloudy state, jett had basically doubled the amount of drugs he’d usually inject into his own body into manuel’s, forgetting that the sixteen year old did not have a tolerance for it the way he did.

manuel’s body was limp on the couch when his sister showed up at jett’s apartment. jett was making spaghetti o’s. lucia immediately called 911 and sobbed on the phone to the operator that her brother had overdosed. but the phone call to her parents was even harder.

leandro was left at nico’s home while his parents rushed to the hospital for their son.

manuel was in a coma for four days before he passed away.

watching his brother be buried in the ground changed something inside of leandro. he decided that first of all, he would never, ever do drugs. then he decided that he was going to live his life to the absolute fullest in honor of his brother. he wouldn’t let a minute slip by unnoticed, he would be happy, and that was the promise he made to manuel before he walked away from the casket in the ground.

after his brothers death, two things happened. first; lucia left brooklyn in favor of her home town of del rio. though her parents didn’t blame her for manuel’s death, she carried the guilt of it so heavily on her shoulders she couldn’t look at her parents. she hasn’t spoken to them since. and second; catherine and enrique became very protective of leandro. he had a strict curfew and wasn’t allowed to go pretty much anywhere where there wasn’t adult supervision. he understood, but as a teenager who was doing his best to live life to the fullest, it was a bit frustrating. he respected his parents, but still longed for college and the freedom that came with it.

graduating from high school leandro was happy to stay in new york, being accepted to hunter college in manhattan, it wasn’t too far from his family and friends, (specifically nico who he was keeping a close eye on after the bell tower) and there was still the level of freedom he was looking for. he began going to parties at frats and homes in the area and actually found he didn’t like it as much as he thought he would. he didn’t mesh with the party scene, it was a little too superficial for him.

it was because he didn’t like parties that he found a different group of people he did enjoy, he did feel like he fit in with, he’d heard about a street race happening on the far side of the city, and without thinking about it, he went. he loved cars, he had since he was a little boy. he thought they were fascinating, so a street race was practically heaven for him. it started with him just going to the races, yelling and cussing from the sidelines until he decided to find a way into the actual action. for three months he worked his ass off to save up for a dump of a car to fix in a friends shop. he was basically being paid in labor to fix up other customers cars and be able to fix his own on his down time, and he was perfectly okay with that.

when his car was finally ready, and it was time to race, he stalled at the starting line and lost his first go around. from there on he decided he was going to be the best. he took another four months to fix up his car again, adding details and extras that would help him win, and when he raced again, he won. and that twelve thousand dollars went right into more modifications for his car.

after that second race, he kept winning, he traveled to surroundings states and races that were happening and he won every single one of them. the money he saved went into buying a car that was already race-ready, and for that he was thankful. he added a few extras in the autobody shop himself, but the car was ready to go by the next race in new york.

he’s won thirty two races since he started. and also won roughly four hundred thousand dollars too. and most of it is in his savings.

still, while he was racing and working at the autobody shop, leandro was keeping up with his classes and getting good grades doing so. he wasn’t one to half-ass anything. and he wanted to graduate early, four years felt too long when he could be doing something else. he went to school year round, getting his degree officially in december of 2019. while human resources wasn’t his first choice and he’d been going for a business degree knowing there was so many things he could do with it, hr fell into his lap. he found he was more interested in the subjects involving employee relations and timekeeping, information he wanted was skipped over and he wound up switching majors in his freshman year of college.

upon graduating, he was placed in an office as an human resources assistant at a law firm in manhattan. he liked it enough, but most of his co workers were older, wanted things done in ways they’d been done before and leandro was looking for an excuse to find another job.

the excuse came in the form of his best friend calling him to convince him to move to chicago, that the hr position at the hotel he worked at had opened up and he was going to put in a good word. that was enough for him.

he gave his two weeks, settled things with his parents at home and got his life together, moving from new york for the first time in his life.

he arrived in chicago on june 3rd, 2020.

♦ ♦ ♦ ♦

his brothers death is something that has seriously impacted his relationships with people. he wishes he could have gotten to know his brother more and just like his philosophy with life, he doesn’t waste time with people

he works in hr, but he’s probably a little too vulgar and crass for it. he can absolutely handle employee relation matters delicately, he has no problem with being sensitive and ethical, but in every day conversation with other employees he will drop many, many cuss words

he is a car boy. he can hear an engine rev and almost always accurately guess the year the car was made, and occasionally it’s body type

he speaks spanish regularly, especially to his parents and nico

he is bisexual

leandro is an avid smoker, his father also smokes so it’s just something he grew into as he got older. marb reds are his go to because “vapes are for pussies”.

he’s a fucking bottomless pit, put food in front of him and he’ll eat literally all of it, and literally whatever it is. his only dislike is raw onions. cooked onions? sure. onion rings? absolutely. but not raw onions.

he’s very loud. i don’t think this man ever learned what a whisper is. you want to be nosy about an employee relations matter? go right ahead the door might be closed but you can hear at least half of the conversation.

he carries a pocket knife on him at all times.

he still occasionally hears from his sister, they talk every few months and he’s in the process of trying to convince her to talk to their parents again

speaking of his parents he is still close with them and respects them like crazy. still thinks their relationship is a blessing while being the most wild story in the world.

he has “always respect women above anything” energy

he drinks casually, but not excessively. he likes to keep himself aware of his surroundings so catch him at the bar capping himself at a beer and a mixed drink.

he’s got pretty bad vision and wears contacts every day for work but will wear his glasses casually, too

he reads before he falls asleep every night

♦ ♦ ♦ ♦

wcs ;; i’m still sort of working out my wcs for him but here’s a few

someone he runs into at a race casually?

car buds - just another person who loves cars as much as he does

enemy - they just don’t vibe

a hook up or two

#about ;; leandro #tw drugs #tw overdose #tw knife mention #tw death #tw religion

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chimcharstar · 5 years

Note

1 THROUGH 55 AND 1 THROUGH 30 GO GO GO

LETS FUCKIN GO

tumblr please actually make this a keep reading

55 interesting questions you should drop in someone’s inbox

1. If you didn’t have to sleep, what would you do with the extra time?

I ALREADY WATCH NETFLIX AND AGONIZE OVER MY STORY

2. What’s your favorite piece of clothing you’ve own/owned?

MY JACKETS. ANY CHEST OBSCURING, BROAD SHOULDERED, COZY JACKET

3. What hobbies would you get into if time and money wasn’t an issue?

DANCING, ID NEED TO GO TO CLASSES OR SOMETHING

4. What would your perfect room look like?

IM ACTUALLY PRETTY HAPPY WITH MY ROOM BUT IVE ALWAYS WANTED A LAVA LAMP, AND 1800 MORE PLANTS COULDNT HURT

5. Do you play sports?

6. What fiction place would you love to go to?

SINNOH REGION

7. What Job would you be terrible at?

DEBT COLLECTION. I WOULD BE GIVING SHIT TO PEOPLE FOR FREE. I COULDNT BEAR BEING ENCOURAGED TO FORCE PEOPLE WHO CANT PAY FOR SOMETHING TO PAY MORE

8. If you could turn any activity into an Olympic sport, what would it be?

SERVING. HOW MANY PLATES CAN YOU CARRY AT ONCE

9. What’s the most annoy habit other people have?

WALKING IN MY SPACE BUBBLE WHEN MY SENSES ARE OVERLOADED

10. What skill would you like to master?

A SECOND LANGUAGE

11. What would be the most amazing adventure to go on?

THE ONE FROM MY DREAM WHERE I KISSED A GIRL DYED MY HAIR BLUE AND WE ELOPED TO BRAZIL TO RAISE SHEEP

12. What’s your favorite drink ?

THAT CHRISTMAS SHIT. PEPPERMINT MOCHA AT STARBUCKS. A FRIEND GOT IT FOR ME ONCE. NOW I ORDER IT A BILLION TIMES.

13. What state or country would you never like to go back to?

I HAVE NOT TRAVELLED MUCH EVER

14. What songs do you have completely memorized?

I DONT REMEMBER LYRICS SO MUCH, BUT I COULD PROBABLY REMEMBER HOW MANY SONGS GO COMPLETELY

15. Are you usually early or late?

LATE. IM GETTING BETTER THOUGH

16. What takes up too much of your time?

GETTING OUT OF BED

17. What do you wish you knew more about?

SWORDS

18. What are some small things that make your day better?

COFFEE. SOMEONE SAYING SOMETHING NICE TO ME.

19. What TV channel doesn’t exist but really should?

QUEER EYE BUT BY TRANS PEOPLE FOR TRANS PEOPLE

20. Who has impressed you the most with what they’ve accomplished?

YOU. AND ME. ITS GROWTH

21. What age do you wish you can permanently be?

21, SO I HAVE TIME TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THE FUCKS GOING ON

22. What TV show or movie do you refuse to watch?

13 REASONS, THE BOOK WAS TRIGGERING SO I WONT RISK IT

23. What would be your ideal way to spend you weekend?

TAKING A WALK, HAVING COFFEE, WATERING PLANTS… IM HAPPY

24. What’s something in your life that’s considered a luxury?

I HAVE PERFUME...

25. Is there anything you’re too young/old for?

TO YOUNG TO NEVER DRINK. TOO OLD FOR POKEMON

26. What’s your favorite genre book or movie?

I DONT HAVE THE ATTENTION SPAN FOR EITHER BUT I SEEM TO LIKE URBAN FANTASY A LOT

27. How often do you people watch?

I THINK IM SO POLITE BUT HONESTLY, I QUIETLY SCRUTINIZE SO MANY PEOPLE ON THE TRAIN EVERY DAY AND GUESS AT THEIR PERSONAL HABITS AND SELF IMAGE.

28. What’s the best single day on the calendar?

MY BIRTHDAY, SAGITTARIUS SEASON RULES BABY

29. What are you interested in that most people haven’t heard of?

I DONT KNOW ABOUT ANYTHING PPL HAVENT HEARD OF BUT IM INTERESTED IN BLACK HOLES

30. Do you relax after a hard day?

FOOD. NETFLIX. DECOMPOSING ON TUMBLR

31. What’s the best book or series you’ve ever read?

I HAVENT READ A BOOK I REALLY LOVE IN AGES. HARRY POTTER AND ARTEMIS FOWL WERE MY FAVOURITES GROWING UP, BUT CORNELIA FUNKES BOOKS SLAPPED AND HIS DARK MATERIALS WAS GORGEOUS

32. Where’s the farthest you’ve ever been from home?

IDAHO?

33. What’s the most heart warming thing you’ve ever seen?

LUCIFER WAS LIKE YOU DESERVE SOMEONE WHO CARES ABOUT YOUR BORING MIDDLE NAME JANE AND KNOWS THAT EVERY MURDER BREAKS YOUR HEART AND YOU SIMPLY DESERVE BETTER SO NO MORE MOMENTS WHILE THEYRE HAVING A MOMENT AND CHLOE IS WATCHING THIS FUCKING IDIOT AND IVE WATCHED THIS BEFORE SO I KNOW SHES GONNA KISS HIM AND THEN THEY KISS

34. What’s the most annoying question that people ask you?

ANY SMALL TALK QUESTIONS

35. Would you give a 40 minute presentation with no preparation?

YES. ID MAKE THAT SHIT RIGHT UP. SKILLS

36. What’s something you think everyone should do at least once in their lives?

GIVE ME A HUG AND SOME CHOCOLATE

37. Would you rather go Hand Gliding or Whitewater rafting?

HANG GLIDING

38. Dream car?

SOMETHING I DONT HAVE TO WORRY WILL FALL INTO PIECES AT ANY MOMENT

39. What’s something so many people are obsessed with and you just don’t understand why?

STRAIGHT LOVE SONGS

40. What are you most looking forward to in 10 years from now?

HAVING A CAT

41. What’s something you’ve been meaning to try but haven’t gotten to it?

DECORATING THE DOLLHOUSE I RESCUED FROM THE BATHROOM

42. What’s the best thing that’s happened to you all week?

IM NOT VERY FAR THROUGH THE WEEK AND I HAVENT ENJOYED MOST OF IT BUT PEOPLE SAYING ADORABLE THINGS

43. How different was your life one year ago?

NOT A LOT DIFFERENT, IM JUST LONELY IN THE CITY NOW, MINUS A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP, ONE YEAR ON T

44. What/who would you rate 10/10?

MY CACTUS JAKEN. I DROPPED HIM SO MANY TIMES AN ENTIRE HALF OF HIS SPIKES ARE FLAT SCARS. AND LOOK AT HIM. THRIVING

45. What kind of art do you enjoy the most?

GENUINELY MADE ART

46. What do you hope never changes?

MY T PRESCRIPTION

47. What movie title best describes your life?

I LOOKED THROUGH NETFLIX AND I PICK TWILIGHT

48. What website do you visit most often?

TUMBLR

49. What’s something you’re looking forward to this year?

MY BIRTHDAY

50. What’s something you’d like to unlearn?

FINDING A REASON TO CANCEL EVERY SINGLE LITTLE THING

51. Where would you spend all your time if you could?

WALKING BY SOME RUNNING WATER

52. What age would you like to live to?

80. THATS MY MENTAL HEALTH ANSWER

53. What’s something you’re most likely to become famous for?

SOMETHING CREATIVE WOULD BE AWESOME

54. What’s something you’re most likely to be arrested for?

CRIMES

55. What’s something you really want but can’t afford?

A CAT

Lgbt+ ask game

What do you identify as and what are your pronouns?

I’m even a little shaken by a questioning state right now but for a while I’ve felt the best fit is the androgynous label -- I read a description of it being the purple on a pink to blue scale, both at once but not specifically either one, and something else by itself. I’m also happy with a cryptic masculine grey area. My pronouns are he/him.

How did you discover your sexuality, tell your story?

During the Puberty 1.0 nightmare, I was basically living someone else’s life, and any attraction I felt wasn’t in relation to myself. I felt disconnected from my body and gender and everything too, and I felt a lot of social pressure to experience a certain type of attraction, fit into a certain role, et cetera, and none of these feelings existed in me at all, so I used to identify as ace. When I realized I was trans, I was too caught up in the, transition safely, my life is a lie, stopping dysphoria drama to focus on this, but I had an idea I might be a gay guy judging from my gay creative writing until I caught feelings for a girl and realized this wasn’t the first time that had happened. Some bi positivity and nonbinary rage later, I am reminded that gender is a joke.

Have you experienced being misgendered? What happened and how did you overcome it?

Yes of course A LOT. Starting with my parents, who do it aggressively and maliciously. And plenty from strangers and customers, mostly after hearing my voice pre-transition. It used to hurt terribly because I was dealing with so much other stuff at the time, and one little thing could be the last straw, so I used to react strongly and harshly, to people you express yourself to anyway. On T, I’ve been so much more chill and confident, and it’s less painful to accept that some people just don’t know any better, although that doesn’t change its effect.

Who was the first person you told, how did they react?

I don’t remember, I think it was a high school friend. I vaguely remember texting someone in a bathroom during a crying session at work. My high school friends were all warm and supportive.

Describe what it was like coming out, what did you feel?

It was scary as hell. I’m sure coming out (with your gender specifically) is scary by nature because it’s a huge truth to be telling that can really change how the people you love perceive you, for better or for worse, but for me, I’m also thinking with the dread and certainty that my family would be too conservative and potentially dangerous. Coming out to my family was one of the worst, most painful things I’ve ever been through -- being kicked out and laughed at, a lot of drama, confrontations, Bible readings and being ganged up on at odd hours, trying to comfort my mom who took it as her personal failure -- I was shaking with adrenaline 24/7. I think of the “I’ll suffer through anything as long as it has meaning” comment that was about angsty fanfics, but knowing the truth about myself was a source of unshakable strength and it felt refreshing and even triumphant to say, like I was giving myself permission to exist for the first time. I came out a bunch of times, though...

If you’re out, how did your parents/guardians/friends react?

My family reacted mostly badly, my sister is a little confused but has the spirit, and my friends have been wonderful.

What is one question you hate people asking about your sexuality?

It’s more of a gender thing, but I hate it when people imply that I shouldn’t be on T or are subtly trying to talk me out of it with their questions. After all the disrespectful as fuck bullshit I heard from my parents, I’m tired of this.

Describe the style of clothing that you most often wear.

Zombie apocalypse denim? Gay Layers

Who are your favourite lgbt+ ships?

I’m not really emotionally invested in these “ships” you cool kids are talking about. I like canon, age-appropriate ones.

What does makeup mean to you? Do you wear any?

I’ve never really worn makeup. I brazenly never bothered to growing up, and if it had an effect on me socially, I was too tuned out to care. My sister always wanted to do my hair and makeup, but I wasn’t interested and wouldn’t let her, much to her frustration. I wore some for a musical once though, and I had no idea what I was doing and it was extremely uncomfortable. I felt what I know now is dysphoria and ended up using the lipstick to draw. Another aspect to this is my family forbade it (or my dad made the decision for everyone), not that it made my sister feel less pressured to wear it, so maybe it was some female presentation I could easily get out of. For that reason, I don’t have super strong feelings about it. Not understanding it probably resulted in me feeling left out a lot among my peers.

Do you experience dysphoria? If so, how does that affect you?

Yes. Before my realization, it was a numb horror I wasn’t consciously aware of, ruining nice things growing up to the point where I feel like I missed out on being a teenager. I remember it as feeling nauseous while sitting in a corner, feeling like none of my clothes ever fit for some mysterious reason. Living with my family in the closet, it defined my life, and I was obsessed with my presentation. These days, it does not bother me on that level at all, except a minor freakout now and then if I get really wild and wear feminine clothes. Or I still feel it in more subtle ways, when I default to customer service voice, or when guys my age are twice my height and I look aaaall the way up at them and wonder what gender they see me as.

What is the stupidest thing you’ve heard said about the lgbt+ community?

Trust me, I have heard truck loads of dumb shit and the winner is the Gay Agenda is R****a’s propaganda to weaken the integrity of North America. Considering what is happening over there, it was enragingly stupid.

What’s your favourite thing about the lgbt+ community?

I feel like I can be myself around lgbt+ people. I don’t feel like I have to hide stuff or put on a show, and I’m not afraid because it’s familiar territory.

What’s your least favourite thing about the lgbt+ community?

Aside from obvious problems like TERFs, ace discourse. Ace people are part of the community if they want to be and that’s enough on that, my skin is already breaking out.

Have you ever been to your cities pride event? Why or why not?

I finally went to a Pride event this year! I was surprised it was the first one I’d been to, then remembered my parents discouraged me from going anywhere, never mind to a gay where.

Who is your favourite lgbt+ Icon/Advocate/Celebrity?

I can’t think of many people right now, but Leslie Feinberg seems awesome, and some quotes from Stone Butch Blues are very validating.

Have you been in a relationship and how did you meet?

No. Technically I have been in one, but it was shitty and ridiculous, and basically platonic, and I don’t want it to count.

What is your favourite lgbt+ book?

I barely read… I read Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe in high school and it was honestly so precious.

Have you ever faced discrimination? What happened?

Yes. I got kicked out (but then kicked back in again), had my stuff stolen and damaged, was verbally harassed… and I was indirectly fired by an employer, but We Will Never Know Why...

Your Favorite lgbt+ movie or show?

Queer Eye! I don’t know of many though, and some important ones, I just haven’t watched.

Who are some of your favourite lgbt+ bloggers?

My mutuals :D

Which lgbt+ slur do you want to reclaim?

I’m okay calling myself queer.

Have you ever gone to a gay bar, or a drag show, how was it?

No, but I did see some drag performances at the one (1) Pride event I went to, and they were jaw-dropping.

How do you self-identify your gender, and what does that mean to you?

I’m not sure what this question means, but I decide what fits right by what makes me feel the most alive and emotionally real and in the moment. What makes me feel the most attractive to be honest. There’s a post about dysphoria I saw going around, the things on it are basically what I use to figure things out.

Are you interested in having children? Why or why not?

I am actually! Not anytime soon, but I’m the responsible type for sure, and judging by the way I love growing plants and being around animals, I’m probably a nurturing person. I actually like kids too, lol, they’re just so high-energy.

What identity advice would you give your younger self?

You’re a boy. Go!

What do you think of gender roles in relationships?

I think people are going to have different ways of expressing themselves that make them happy, but… I don’t think they should infringe on basic human decency. When I hear “role” I think of acting a certain way because someone told you to, something I want to disagree with on the spot.

Anything else you want to share about your experience with gender?

People move out of my way on the sidewalk and take me seriously now. Privilege or self-confidence… I never want to forget what it used to be like, or get too entitled.

What is something you wish people know about being lgbt+?

That it’s simply living one’s reality. I think that trips up a lot of straight people -- that some people just come like this, and they don’t have to make it fit into their personal identity.

Why are proud to be lgbt+?

Because I worked hard to be alive and happy right now. I’m proud of choosing to get through those rough patches, take care of myself, heal, take walks, cook breakfast, learn healthy coping mechanisms, that was out of love for myself and a defiant conviction that I have a place in this world.

#chatty tag

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hyojinrk-archived · 5 years

Photo

MGA 5 EPISODE ONE: tooice’s tt ( 8:08 - 9:11 ) & billie eilish’s idontwannabeyouanymore ( 3:31 - 4:17 ) reimagined acoustic cover

SHOWCASED: singing, guitar, creativity, bilinguality concept versatility??

TW: minor anxiety

there’s a sinking feeling in his chest when he sees the email, with its sleek, coldly official design and matter-of-fact wording. clicking around, reading every email except for the one from mnet, hyojin chews his bottom lip as he tries to immerse himself in anything but the reminder that he had, even for a moment, decided to stray from the path he had decided to follow for the past few years.

‘CONGRATULATIONS, KIM HYOJIN.’

for some reason, he doesn’t feel like he’s being congratulated at all.

he skims through the acceptance email from motte capital, the familiar name of the manager not bringing him much comfort. at this point, he was already guaranteed a spot as an employee, having worked there since his freshman year in university. he’s sure it’s a position that would be envied by anyone else in his department -- getting a job at a large finance firm over one break, nevertheless every one? if he didn’t know better, he would have thought it preferential treatment, too.

( of course, that wasn’t true. the only connection he had was was back in anyang, wondering how her dear son was doing in the big city. )

with a sigh, he opens the email, wondering if there was some kind of mixup, or confusion, or just general cruelty. maybe they were congratulating him for trying out, only to reject him and tell him that he wasn’t good enough. maybe things were better off that way, anyways.

it’s not very normal of him to be this melancholy -- it’s just that his fight with doyoung and resurfacing memories of seungyeon have been weighing him down and keeping him awake lately. there isn’t much comfort he can find unless it’s in singing or when he’s in the studio with seunghun, or even just hanging around with sakura. it’s difficult, indeed.

he remains there foolishly, like a statue, at the slow sinking realization that it wasn’t a joke -- the email gives him an address and information that would make no sense otherwise unless he had somehow passed whatever preliminary screening they had put him through two weeks ago. hyojin’s first reaction, naturally, is to put his phone on the table, face down, and to ignore the message despite the objection his heart raises.

one day and many hours of mindlessly singing songs on the piano that he can vaguely remember the chords for, hyojin finds himself straying back to the lyrics for seattle by sam kim, the unfamiliar, twisting feeling in his gut that had been haunting him ever since he had seen the email growing stronger with every note. he stops and sits there for a while, looking at his fingers on the plastic white keys, the way the keyboard slowly moves with his arms on the thin beams that held it up. in retrospect, it was already used and cheap when he had gotten ahold of it, but at that time, he had carefully collected all of the wages he had gotten from the bakery in a little piggybank on his desk to buy some kind of replacement for the old, rundown piano that he had left back at home, only bringing his guitar along with his small suitcase.

he was more comfortable now than he used to be, of course, but the thought still lingers whenever he plays, the reminder that he had been so determined to get what he wanted just to sing, to make music in the way he could best striking a chord in him.

maybe this was a sign.

❀

“no, this isn’t it.”

covering his mouth with his hand to try and muffle both a sigh of frustration and a yawn, his eyes remain glued on the bright screen of his laptop as he exits out of the fiftieth music video he’s seen that night. call it a bad habit, but when he stays up late for things like this, he tends to keep all the other lights off -- partially not to disturb jooyoung, but also to save electricity. there wasn’t much for him to lose, anyways -- he already wore glasses with an admittedly rather high prescription.

hearing the inklings of sleep creeping into his voice, now gruff from staying completely silent for at least an hour or so, he ruffles his hair to try and keep himself awake. he doesn’t have much time to waste before the internship starts in a week or two and with the auditions approaching faster than ever. he’ll fix whatever mess he makes of his sleep schedule later, when the performance is over. for now, he’ll have to find something that fits perfectly.

he wants to show another side of him while keeping the same theme. a chaos song? 12:30? a classic, but not currently trendy. what about a momoland song? or...

pausing in his trail of thought, hyojin’s mind zeroes in on an idea. a girl group song? that’s a good mix of trendy and catchy. finally picking up his guitar after spending so long with his fingers itching to play something, anything, but his head not allowing himself to get sidetracked while doing something so important.

closing his eyes and strumming a few chords while muffling the strings, hyojin quietly starts to sing a song from the top of his head. “what to do, keep me still / make me like ooh ahh ooh ahh -- oh? that’s not bad, what about this,” changing the fingering patterns, he starts a new song, “who that who that who that boy,” then changing again, “i can’t stop this trembling / on and on and on / i wanna throw my all / into your world.” he stops playing once his voice gets a little too loud and he can hear it echo, wincing.

a girl group medley wouldn’t be too bad, but considering his time frame, the amount of time it would take him to decide on songs and arrange them together and practice seemed unrealistic. maybe he’ll just stick with one or two.

it’s relatively smooth sailing after that -- he ends up choosing tooice’s tt, and after another session of scrolling through random songs on youtube to try and jar his memory as to what would be good to sing, he decides to settle on a billie eilish song as well. no matter how much he tries, he can’t ignore his ballad and emotional vocal side.

by the night before the performance, hyojin finds that the late thoughts have ebbed away, and falls into a dreamless sleep.

❀ IN THE STUDIO ;

if he was asked to list out the top three things he was most grateful for at that very moment, hyojin would definitely list his cousin as one of them. he’s trying not to take note of how clammy his hands feel and the amount of nerves he has for something as big as this, but he manages to maintain his composure, more so to keep up appearances around jooyoung and not worry him.

perhaps he’s too preoccupied with trying to absorb the largeness of the studio and everything around him, but before he knew it, his hand was being grabbed by jooyoung and he was being pulled along to a section of the seats. it takes him a second too late to realize that they weren’t going to be sitting along this time around -- although it isn’t unwelcome to see seungmin in any sort of setting, the realization that both jooyoung and seungmin were going to be sitting together for god knows how long. he’s tempted to take the lead and sit in between them to avoid becoming the collateral damage of their interaction, but it’s clear that the older male has something else in mind when he literally sits next to the boy.

“ah, seungminnie.” he waves a hand weakly in greeting, only offering an embarrassed smile when he’s responded to with surprise.

admittedly, he hadn’t told anyone except for maybe jooyoung and sakura, but he also had run into seunghun and sungwoon during auditions. that makes for less than five people, but in retrospect, he didn’t seem like the type to do something like this.

he can feel the tension boiling between the two siblings, sitting awkwardly in his seat and watching the spectacle almost nervously, as if waiting any moment to break them apart in case a fight went down. so this would be what the kim family reunion would be like, huh. although, he supposes the only person missing would be junyoung.

regardless, he simply smiles back at jooyoung when the male turns helplessly to give him a dry smile and shrug, as if saying what can i do, that’s how youngsters are. laughing to try and break the bad mood, he shifts in his seat again and rubs the back of his neck sheepishly.

“let’s just do well, everyone.”

once the broadcasting begins and the ceos are introduced, hyojin finds himself covering his mouth in shock, and he turns to look at jooyoung in surprise. admittedly, he hadn’t really watched much of the mgas unless it was clips concerning sungwoon, so he had thought the judging panel would just be a bunch of professional performers that could judge idols.

instead, seeing all five figures in front of him on the stage sends shocks through his body, somehow making the stakes seem far higher now that such qualified eyes were upon them. it wasn’t exactly that he listened to a lot of idol music or paid close attention to the entertainment companies, but it’s still the feeling of seeing celebrities in the flesh that makes him so starstruck.

even then, adding onto that, the contestants seemed to be called in a random order after the initial announcements were made by the judges. nevertheless, he tries his best to enjoy the stages, watching carefully and attentively as each of them performed and cheering for his friends. he can’t help but comment on haruto as he gets on the stage as well, surprised at seeing the familiar face.

“ah, so cute,” hyojin says, smiling fondly and his hands curling up in an almost cringe at how endearing he found the boy during his introduction, and he calls out a soft “がんばってね ( ganbatte ne / do your best )” to the boy in japanese before he starts his skating performance. it’s incredibly impressive and certainly something he’s never seen before until now, and the finesse with which the younger boy performed was definitely eye-catching. of course, he stands up in his seat when haruto ends up falling off the stage after waving, clear concern on his face for the poor boy that still doesn’t go away entirely, even when he proves to be okay.

that aside, he remains seated for the rest of the performances, cheering for seungmin as he sings an english song, mesmerized by his voice, and then jooyoung, who plays some of the guitar. despite having heard jooyoung practicing in his room from time to time, hyojin still chuckles at the similarity in their instrument choices, swaying along to the songs he plays.

“guess it’s a kim cousin thing.” he says to seungmin, gesturing at the acoustic guitar he had with him as well, before looking up at jooyoung with his electric guitar meaningfully.

by the time it was his turn to go up, it felt more like he had been watching a concert and was now being asked to perform.

❀ ON THE STAGE ;

growing shy when he hears baek jiyoung call his name, hyojin grabs his guitar and heads onto the stage, ducking his head down with red ears. admittedly, he’s a little flustered to have all of their attention on him, but he tries his best to stay relaxed nevertheless. the moment he slings the guitar over his shoulder, however, he feels his legs starting to quiver slightly, only growing more intense when baek jiyoung asks him to introduce himself.

“ah, hello, i’m 21 year old kim hyojin,” he says, holding up two fingers on one hand and one finger on the other with a soft smile.

he tries not to think of other things while speaking, but he can’t help but think back to how doyoung would occasionally call him a ‘pretty boy,’ and even how his old middle school friends would comment on his eye smile and how sweet he looked whenever smiling. stuttering before he continues his sentence, hyojin adds, “i’ve been singing since i was around... seven? yeah -- i won’t take up too much longer, but i hope you’ll enjoy and that the worries you might have had today will be erased. also...”

inhaling softly once he realizes how his legs are wobbling a bit now, hyojin grows sheepish, asking, “would it be okay if i got a chair? i think i’ll sit while playing.”

thanking the staff member that brings up a chair for him to sit on and adjusting the microphone to his height while strumming the guitar to make sure it’s tuned, he looks up again at the audience, then the judges, trying not to grow red before flashing a thumbs up. taking a deep breath, he starts to strum the beginning to tooice’s tt.

이러지도 못하는데 i’m in two minds 저러지도 못하네 in an awkward situation 그저 바라보며 ba-ba-ba-baby i just stare and say ba-ba-ba-baby 매일 상상만 해 이름과 함께 everyday i only imagine without asking 쓱 말을 놨네 baby i talk casually and say your name baby 아직 우린 모르는 사인데 but we don’t even know each other

singing the song sweetly despite it being at the same fast pace, hyojin purposefully slows down at some parts to emphasize, varying the notes in a more syncopated, sensual way than the typically cutesy way of the original. at the same time, he notably pouts at the last line, his eyes shining as his fingers brush over the strings in a well practiced manner.

nanana nananana 콧노래가 나오다가 나도 몰래 i start humming and before i know it 눈물 날 것 같애 i feel like crying, i don’t feel like myself 아닌 것 같애 내가 아닌 것 같애 this isn’t like me at all i love you so much

trying not to grow shy when he hears jooyoung’s voice cheering for him the crowd, he closes his eyes briefly, starting to feel himself get lost in the rhythm of the song, growing out of his nervous shell that he had shown in the introduction. as soon as he hits the chord for the last line, he opens his eyes to wink at the judge panel on ‘i love you so much.’

이미 난 다 컸다고 생각하는데 think i’m all grown up now 어쩌면 내 맘인데 왜 i’m free to make my own choices, but why 내 맘대로 할 수 없는 건데 why can’t i have it my way 밀어내려고 하면 할수록 the more i try to push you away 자꾸 끌려 왜 자꾸 자꾸 끌려 baby the more i’m drawn and attracted to you baby

slowly picking up the beat as he reaches an especially well known part of the popular girl song, he bursts into a bright smile once he starts to see some heads bobbing in the audience, clearly enjoying the rendition of such a popular song, some even starting to do the gestures of the dance vaguely.

i’m like tt, just like tt 이런 내 맘 모르고 너무해 너무해 you don’t know how i feel, so mean, so mean i’m like tt, just like tt tell me that you’d be my baby

hitting the chorus, he starts to have fun with the lyrics, his voice following along smoothly as he slightly angles his head to glance at the contestants in the audience with a slighty half smile, almost like a smirk, shaking his head cutely while singing ‘so mean, so mean.’ once he reaches the end of the segment, he slows down his strumming, ending it on a nice chord.

before a silence ensues, he adjusts his sitting position ever so slightly before starting, strumming the guitar, before entering right into the middle of the chorus of idonwannabeyouanymore.

if "i love you" was a promise would you break it, if you're honest tell the mirror what you know she's heard before

hitting each beat hard, he starts to sing more powerfully, voice thick with emotion and eyes squeezing shut as he feels the melody, shifting into a far different mood from the playful nature of tt. in a few seconds, the atmosphere suddenly turns melancholy and moody.

i don't wanna be you i don't wanna be you

slowing down as he draws out the lines slowly, he starts playing the guitar more quietly in the background, barely pausing to repeat the line again, this time going into a higher note, hearing it sound smoothly in the studio.

i don't wanna be you, anymore

finally, one last time, he echoes the last line, playing nothing but one last chord and eyes reopening gradually. removing his fingers from the neck of the guitar, he speaks a “thank you” into the microphone before standing up and bowing multiple times to the people around him.

flipping the guitar so that it hung over his shoulder against his back, he makes his way off the stage with a little more confidence than when he entered it. as much as it was nervewracking, he would be lying if he said it wasn’t enjoyable.

maybe singing was what he was meant to do, after all.

#&. galaxy #rkmga5 #rkmga5callback #[[ mentioned!#rkjooyoung #rkseungmin #rksakura #me: okay just get the audition in and you're fine #me: 1k again before literally anyone performs #hyojin aka the man with the world's longest backstory ig #rkharuto #tw; anxiety #( stamina... maybe??? )

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chaosamplified · 6 years

Text

1: the meaning behind my url: chaoSAMplified. because it has Sam in it and Sam is my name (half of my name? I have 2 names now) and also because I thought I was really cool when I made it

2: a picture of me: my profile pic

3: how many tattoos I have and what they are: I have 0 currently

4: last time I cried and why: Wednesday because I was drunk and I listened to Mariana’s Trench

5: piercings I have: 2 lobe piercings in each ear but i only wear them in 1 ear

6: favorite band: Fall Out Boy

7: biggest turn offs: Republicanism

8: top 5 (insert subject): Anon didn’t give me a subject. Feel free to give me subjects lmao

9: tattoos I want: I want to get my t date on my arm (once I have a t date), something large on my left thigh and a lil ghost somewhere

10: biggest turn ons: I don’t even know I’ve had the same crush for like 5 years and the one other person I’ve had a crush on since then (maybe still do? Idk) is veryyyyy similar to him so uh. I literally don’t know

11: age: 18, 19 in 17 days!

12: ideas of a perfect date: Realistically like going to cedar point together just the two of us, idealistically like going on a week long road trip to the other side of the country and visiting the ocean

13: life goal: Get a Grammy

14: piercings I want: I don’t think I want any more

15: relationship status: Single and trying too hard

16: favorite movie: Nobody has an actual answer to this question. I guess I’d say The Imitation Game

17: a fact about my life: I had a personal protection order against someone at age 12? Idk

18: phobia: I’m a fearless bitch

19: middle name: Alexander 🤙

20: height: 5’1” for all of eternity

21: are you a virgin: Virginity is a social construct developed to slut shame women. Also as a Gay Trans that word has very little meaning at all

22: what’s your shoe size: 7

23: what’s your sexual orientation: We just went through this. Gay

24: do you smoke, drink, or take any drugs: I have smoked weed but don’t really enjoy it, never smoked cigarettes, yes drink, have lots of prescription drugs

25: someone you miss: Max :(

26: what’s one thing you regret: Not talking to my mom for 6 months in 2012

27: first celebrity you think of when someone says attractive: First of all I think of a person I know, not a celebrity. But Halsey is hot as hell. I’m so gay but Halsey man

28: favorite ice cream: Raspberry

29: one insecurity: b o o b

30: what my last text message says: From me: yeah no prob 🙂👍. From someone else: ok cool thank u lol

31: have you ever taken a picture naked: hnnnnng yeah

32: have you ever painted your room: I didn’t but my dad and sister painted mine while I was in France

33: have you ever kissed a member of the same gender: (I’m using gender instead of sex because sex is fucky): Yes a couple of ems

34: have you ever slept naked: Of course

35: have you ever danced in front of your mirror: Every single time I drink if I’m being honest

36: have you ever had a crush: Always

37: have you ever been dumped: Lots of times :-)

38: have you ever stole money from a friend: No but Charlie paid for a ton of my laundry once and I still have to pay him back

39: have you ever gotten in a car with people you just met: YES my boyfriend at the time was about to leave me at this place outside after an event but instead I got in this van with a whole bunch of his friends I didn’t know it was a mess

40: have you ever been in a fist fight: No I’m a bottom

41: have you ever snuck out of the house: Only once and it was to go with max to meijer at midnight and he bought a nerf gun and we shot at each other in his car in the michaels parking lot until like 2am and I have absolutely no regrets it’s still one of the best days of my life

42: have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back: I’m gonna say yes but also I’m not entirely sure how he feels so like. Probably yes

43: have you ever been arrested: No

44: have you ever made out with a stranger: No

45: have you ever met up with a member of the opposite gender somewhere: Yeah Alessandra and I just had lunch the other day. Jk I know what this is implying and I’m extremely gay and also no

46: have you ever left the house without telling your parents: This is the same as number 41

47: have you ever had a crush on your neighbor: Define neighbor?

48: have you ever ditched school to do something more fun: On my 16th birthday I stayed home so my dads girlfriend at the time could give me blonde highlights (yikes)

49: have you ever slept in a bed with a member of the same gender: Yeah

50: have you ever seen someone die: No

51: have you ever been on a plane: Yes!

52: have you ever kissed a picture: Yikes probably

53: have you ever slept until 3: I hate that you say this like it’s a challenge, I do this at least 4 times a month

54: have you ever loved someone or miss someone right now: Yes and yes

55: have you ever laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by: Yes

56: have you ever made a snow angel: Yes

57: have you ever played dress up: It was my favorite thing when I was little (plot twist I’m trans now)

58: have you ever cheated while playing a game: Probably (ps I lose)

59: have you ever been lonely: Always

60: have you ever fallen asleep at work/school: So many times

61: have you ever been to a club: Yeah Lio and I went to Necto once lol

62: have you ever felt an earthquake: Yes! I was 5 and in California

63: have you ever touched a snake: Yes

64: have you ever ran a red light: I hope not

65: have you ever been suspended from school: No

66: have you ever had detention: No

67: have you ever been in a car accident: Yes but it wasn’t that bad, the car was totaled but everyone was fine

68: have you ever hated the way you look: Everyday babee

69: have you ever witnessed a crime: Yeah

70: have you ever pole danced: No

71: have you ever been lost: In a figurative or literal way? The answer to both is yes

72: have you ever been to the opposite side of the country: Yes I’ve been to California

73: have you ever felt like dying: Haha yeah

74: have you ever cried yourself to sleep: What are these questions of course I have

75: have you ever sang karaoke: Not in front of more than like 3 people

76: have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn’t: So many times lol yeet

77: have you ever laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose: YES

78: have you ever slept with someone at least 5 years older or younger: No

79: have you ever kissed in the rain: I’m trying to remember but I don’t think so?

80: have you ever sang in the shower: I’m a little bit shook myself by this but I honestly don’t think so?

81: have you ever made out in a park: Yes would recommend

82: have you ever dreamt that you married someone: Not like literally dreams no

83: have you ever glued your hand to something: Lol what no

84: have you ever got your tongue stuck to a flag pole: No gross

85: have you ever gone to school partially naked: No what

86: have you ever been a cheerleader: No but I used to say it’s what I wanted to be when I grew up lol

87: have you ever sat on a rooftop: Unfortunately no

88: have you ever brushed your teeth: Yes?????

89: have you ever been too scared to watch scary movies alone: Not too scared but I don’t really like watching any movies alone

90: have you ever played chicken: Like the water game? Yes with max and his sisters it was honestly a grand time

91: have you ever been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on: No but goals

92: have you ever been told you’re hot but a complete stranger: Yes I’ve been on tinder

93: have you ever broken a bone: Nope

94: have you ever been easily amused: A friend told me the other day that I laugh at everything

95: have you ever laughed so hard you cried: Of course

96: have you ever mooned/flashed someone: No consent is important

97: have you ever cheated on a test: If you say you haven’t you’re a liar

98: have you ever forgotten someone’s name: Yep

99: have you ever met someone who didn’t seem real: Do you mean like too good to be real or like I’m dissociating and they literally don’t seem real cuz uhh

100: give us one thing about you that nobody knows: I’m alone in a room with a stranger in a bed that’s not my own (jk listen to my song Matches on YouTube https://youtu.be/Q-SGbIjLYEI)

#this is all 100 of them #i hope youre happy #it was really fun if im being honest #send more lmao #long post

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haroldstans-blog · 6 years

Text

a tag my dudes

oi i was @shawnsmercy and @for-my-mind so thank you guys!

rules - answer these 85 questions and tag 20 people.

- what was your last...

1) drink - water

2) phone call - my friend annette

3) text message - asking a friend about the ap human geo homework hehe

4) song you listened to - sHe by zayn

5) time you cried - last night lmao

- have you ever...

6) dated someone twice? - plenty of times

7) kissed someone and regretted it? actually yeah it was pretty bad, we went for different kisses (yikes)

8) been cheated on? - nope

9) lost someone special? - yeah

10) been depressed? only mildly, now all i harbour is frustration and stress oops

11) gotten drunk and thrown up? - i mean i had like a shot and a half of straight vodka and that was my first and only time drinking alcohol and i was slightly buzzed and got a massive headache and my stomach was not handling it well and i did almost throw up but i didn’t! yeah, never again. dark times, dark times.

- fave colours

12) pale yellow/blue

13) iridescent

14) black, grey n white (you can never go wrong with ‘em!)

- in the last year have you...

15) made new friends? - actually yeah i have

16) fallen out of love? - yes ma’am

17) laughed until you cried? - it’s a daily thing

18) found out someone was talking about you? - yeah but it actually wasn’t in a bad way this time which makes me feel real good :)

19) met someone who changed you? - yeah

20) found out who your friends are?- i mean i’ve been known who my friends are and the new friends i've made haven’t surprised me with anything crazy about them so i guess not

21) kissed someone on your facebook friends list? - oof people still use facebook?

22) how many of your facebook friends do you know irl? - i. don’t. use. that. shit.

23) do you have any pets? - YES AND HE’S A DOG AND I LOVE HIM WITH ALL MY HEART HES SO CURLY AND SOFT AND LOVELY

24) do you want to change your name? - eh, nah

25) what did you do for your last birthday? - we hung out at the pool n ate n shit

26) what time did you wake up today? 7am. thanks school, you fucker

27) what were you doing at midnight last night? - homework oops

28) what is something you can’t wait for? - for these stupid stitches to dissolve, for school to be over, for my summer australia trip, and for the niall horan concert in september

29) what is your favourite animal? - doggos (its basic and i really don’t care)

30) what are you listening to rn? - there for you by troye sivan (my boiiii)

31) have you ever talked to a person named tom? - uh, i think so

32) something that’s getting on your nerves - how much i procrastinate and these fucking stitches

33) most visited website - probably youtube

34) hair colour - dark brown, yes, DARK brown

35) long or short hair? - eh it's kinda short-medium

36) do you have a crush on someone? - a big fat one

37) what do you like about yourself? - that i can make people laugh or smile or feel good about themselves and i also like my curly hair and ability to do eyebrows (ayeee)

38) want any piercings? - no more for now

39) blood type - oof i’ve never been told what mine is

40) nicknames - mimi, mandy, panda (my mom and brother call me panda just to piss me off lol)

41) relationship status - single but crushing real hard

42) sign - gemini, bitch

43) pronouns - she/her i guess but whatever you want is fine with me tbh

44) fave tv show - probably the vampire diaries or drake and josh or zoey 101

45) tattoos - not of legal age yet but i have 11 tattoo ideas saved on my phone so far so best believe my fast ass will be seated in that parlour chair when i’m 18

46) right or left handed - i’m actually ambidexterous

47) ever had a surgery? - literally had one earlier today

48) piercings - i’ve got the standard ear lobe piercings and a helix in my right ear

49) sport - swimming yUh fuck land sports

50) vacation - aUsTrAlIa (ah that looks so weird)

51) trainers - converse or adidas

- more general

52) eating - my stomach actually just started growling probably because i ate fucking ice cream for dinner and a quick jell-o snack bc of this fucking mouth surgery

53) drinking - i lOve lemonade im a lemonade hoe but i only fuck with that good juicy lemonade not that watered down shit oh and i also really love iced coffee but water’s good too

54) i’m about to watch - my grades plummet and my school year be ruined bc im doing this instead of homework and its 2am and now im freaking out bc i didnt even realise it was 2am friCk

55) waiting for - this shit to heal so i can use my upper lip properly and eat

56) want - harry styles tickets i mean he’s literally coming to a venue about 20 minutes from my house ON MY BIRTHDAY but there are literally no good seats left at a price i can afford and for school to end *deep SIGH*

57) get married - ???

58) career - i’m currently looking into the tech industry and being a software engineer or web developer or lowkey an actress or an internet personality but lord knows what my indecisive gemini ass is gonna wanna be next year

59) hugs or kisses - hugs are more comfortable

60) lips or eyes - the eyes are where it’s at

61) taller or shorter - i’m not sure what this is asking but i’m average height ?? idk but i’m 5′4 and i prefer taller but if your short i still really really love you plus my crush is really short and she’s the cutest thing ever

62) older or younger - i’m just now realising the previous question was about preference which i did answer but i also added some unneccesary detail and now im too lazy to change it but not lazy to type an also unnecessary paragraph anyway i prefer my guys older and my girls can be either i really don’t mind

63) nice arms or stomach - i really don’t care you can have both, one, or neither but none of that really matters if your personality’s shit

64) hookups or relationships - relationships

65) troublemaker or hesitant - i’m kinda both sometimes i’m hesitant and overthink a situation and end up getting myself into trouble anyway it’s stupid and doesn’t make sense but it happens

66) kissed a stranger - heck no

67) drank hard liquor - ye buddy and it wasn’t good

68) turned someone down - yup

69) sex on first date - haha i see what you did there, number 69. but no i’m still a virgin wassup

70) broken someone’s heart - god i hope not but i think i have

71) had your heart broken - that’s its current condition

72) been arrested - nope

73) cried when someone died - i’d be concerned if i didn’t

74) fallen for a friend - it’s the current news

- do you believe in

75) yourself - i don’t know, do i?

76) miracles - i really don’t know, maybe?

77) love at first sight - eh yeah

78) sanata claus - is this some kind of joke

79) angels - harry styles wants me to believe otherwise and i mean when i look at her i definitely see what you mean mr. styles

80) eye colour - brown but i got green contacts to spice it up a bit (they’re prescription though bc i’m blind as fuck)

81) best friends’ name - bianca, kaylyn, allison, and ashadé

82) favourite movie - the outsiders, grease, dunkirk (i mean), everything, everything, and love simon (oh and the 1d this is us movie even though i never saw it but 1d’s in it so it’s automatically good also remember harry in dunkirk?)

83) favourite actor - HARRY STYLES (im biased oops), amandla stenberg, nick robinson, ralph macchio, tom holland, zendaya, ian somerhalder, and katherine langford (i literally just spewed a bunch of names from movies i love oh well)

84) favourite cartoon - tom and jerry bc im real like that, the amazing world of gumball, steven universe, and we bare bears

85) favourite teacher’s name - uh, what

i don’t know 20 people so ima just tag some people off the top of my head, sorry if you were already tagged: @illumilitt @shawnmcuddles @shawnssweatshirt @pattinsonshawn and anyone else who wants to do it :)

#tag #personal #q&a #idk what other tags to add oof

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lovemesomesurveys · 3 years

Text

survey by disappearingink

How old are you? I’m 31.

Have you ever laughed in a highly inappropriate situation? Once when I was high someone told me something serious and I started laughing and omg I felt like the biggest piece of shit. It wasn’t what what they said in particular that was funny, but just that everything was funny at that moment. But still, not cool.

Explain how a person last made you laugh. It was something my brother said. Name something illegal you've done underage. Just downloading torrented movies and books. I also answered this in a previous survey. <<< Same. I was otherwise such a goody-good, ha.

If you had to fly in something, what would you fly in? I’ll just stick to planes.

Do you have any relationship with the state of Florida? Nope.

Is there any phrase your dad typically uses? If something is really good it’s “out of bounds.”

What state do you live in? California.

Would you rather be somewhere else? Not right now.

The last time you wore a formal dress? A few years ago for a friend’s wedding.

Your favorite thing to do in the winter? I just love all the Christmasy activities and the coziness.

Favorite sport? None.

Do you know of any good comedians? I’m not into comedians.

If you were born in the opposite gender, what would your name be? My mom has said Jesse before. Is there anything you question about reality? Of course.

What do you think about people who obsessively state how *real* they are? It would sound like they were trying to convince themselves more than anything.

What's your relationship to the child you’re around most? I’m not around any kids.

Have you ever had an illegal substance in your blood stream? Yes.

Zodiac? Leo.

What is the worst thing that has ever happened to your hair? It got really knotted up from not brushing it and it took me a few hours to brush it out. That’s the side of depression some of us experience that people don’t talk about. That has happened on several occasions.

What do you think about cats? They’re beautiful creatures, but I’ve always bonded more with dogs.

Can you give me a band not many people listen to? I don’t know.

Who do you want with you when you're afraid? My mom.

Metaphorically, have any dogs you ever have to call off? Huh?

Wind, earth, fire, or air? Air is pretty great.

Have you ever known a Lukas? I don’t think so.

Who might as well just be your sibling? There isn’t anyone I consider to be my sibling besides my actual siblings.

Would you ever consider working for the government? No.

What is the weirdest thing you have ever witnessed a sibling doing? Hmm. I don’t know.

What are you looking forward to doing this summer? I’d like to be able to go to the beach, but I don’t know.

Any thoughts on people who brag about being straight edge? That’s great for them. I think it’s kinda funny cause I’m not considered straight edge due to the fact I drink caffeine and take prescription pain medication.

Would you agree that alot of newer male vocalists sound gay? Wtf.

Your first best friend's name? These two girls in preschool, Crystal and Starr.

Do you miss any person who happens to be a hippie? No.

How do you act when you're uncomfortable? Anxious, impatient, and fidgety.

Do you know what mesculine is? I do now.

Favorite alcoholic drink? None. I don’t drink.

What bug would you like to be extinct? Cockroaches. <<< Yeah, those can certainly go. Look, I know some bugs are helpful and all that, but I really wish we didn’t have any. Or at least by now they’d learn to just stay away from people and out of their houses.

Do you know who Jack Bauer is? Yeah.

The worst legal crime you've ever committed? Legal crimes?

The most trouble you've ever been in with authority? Nothing.

Have you ever seen the movie Gone Baby Gone? Nope.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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shortqueershakespeare · 4 years

Note

Do all the asks! Hope you had a good Christmas!! <3

In ausOkay here goes, all the asks from the end of 2020

1. How many lockdowns did you go through until now?

I actually can’t remember if I was in one or two in the UK, because I barely changed my habits, I stayed in my house throughout lockdown and non-lockdown. But either 2 or 3.

2. Ever been quarantined? (contact person, waiting for test result or positive test result)

Yep, right before the start of UK lockdown one because of possible symptoms in my household and once in Austria now.

3. Ever taken a Corona test?

Yup, I took one, a gargle test.

4. Have you lived together with someone during lockdown?

Yep, lockdown in the UK with my dad and sister, in Austria with my flatmate.

5. Something you enjoyed about lockdown?

Spending more time with my sister and also seeing my puppy grow up.

6. What bothered you most about lockdown?

Not being able to hug my mum when we lost our rabbit and not being able to hug friends.

7. Which change, e.g. home office, would you like to keep once it´s all over?

Teaching from home wouldn’t be bad to keep, also normalising wearing masks and distancing when ill.

8. Been to any Corona related demonstration?

No.

9. On a scale of 1 (not at all) to 10 (completely), how well do you stick to government´s rules? Explain.

In the UK I would say 10, and I did more than stick to them, I rarely left the house except for walking the dog. In Austria 7 or 8, we don’t really have the concept of bubbles here but through lockdown we had our friend in our bubble. I did also accidentally break curfew at one point.

10. Favorite lockdown activity?

Sleeping, frankly.

11. How did the lockdown affect your work/education?

The end of my year at uni was done at home, with take home exams and now my work is going to be distance teaching again. And of course masks and distancing at in person teaching.

12. Any new hobbies you tried out during lockdown?

I taught myself to sew and cross-stitch!

13. Any new subscriptions you made due to lockdown?

Disney plus!

14. Anything new you tried to learn during lockdown?

Sewing, a few new recipes.

15. Any old hobbies you took up again during lockdown?

I started writing a lot more again and did a lot of crafting.

16. How did you keep in touch during lockdown?

Zoom calls, skyping, postcards.

17. Favorite mask you own?

My rainbow one!

18. Favorite online conferencing tool?

Teams for teaching.

19. Any new technologies and technological tools you tried out due to lockdown?

Zoom, google meet, MS teams and a few online games.

20. Have you been able to go on any holidays this year?

No.

21. Are Christmas markets allowed in your country?

Sadly not:( It was part of what I was looking forward to about my year abroad and I’m genuinely gutted about it.

22. How are you going to spend Christmas in this situation? (or whatever you are celebrating!)

I spent Christmas with my flatmate, we did polish dinner on the 24th, British Christmas on 25th and then called my family on Christmas day. I managed to make all of Christmas dinner all by myself which I was really chuffed with.

23. Any small business you support?

Yeah, plenty of local shops.

24. Any small artist you support?

When I find people on instagram or tumblr i try yeah!

25. Favorite online shop?

I am in a very bath having mood so bomb cosmetics.

26. Dumbest impulse buy?

My terrible Christmas hat.

27. First thing you bought when the shops reopened?

Quite literally no idea, but I would assume something food related.

28. Been to the hair dresser this year?

Nope, but I’ve been cutting my own hair for 2 or 3 years so that’s not unusual.

29. Got a new tattoo or piercing this year?

Nope!

30. What did you only start to appreciate because lockdown took it from you?

How easy it was to meet new people.

31. Favorite book that was released this year?

Contacts by Mark Watson or Solutions and Other Problems by Allie Brosh.

32. Favorite book you read that year?

The same as above.

33. Favorite movie that was released this year?

uhhhhh bold of you to assume that I paid attention.

34. Favorite movie you watched this year?

101 dalmatians, a classic but gave me a lot of comfort.

35. Favorite series that was released this year?

Staged or the Goes Wrong Show.

36. Favorite series that you watched this year?

Same answer.

37. Favorite podcast that you listened to this year?

Cryptid Cape or I Can’t Believe It’s Not Buddha.

38. Favorite artist this year?

Taylor Swift.

39. Total minutes on Spotify this year?

I don’t have spotify!

40. Favorite album that was released this year?

I can’t separate folklore and evermore.

41. Favorite album that you listened to this year?

Again, folklore and evermore.

42. Favorite song that was released this year?

I’m gonna go with dorothea.

43. Favorite song you listened to this year?

dorothea or rainbow by dodie or Sad Girl Summer by Maisie Peters.

44. Favorite Corona related song?

So Will I - Ben Platt.

45. What do you do to prevent yourself from going insane during lockdown?

Sat outside and watched the stars at night listening to songs, took my dog for a walk, did some writing.

46. Describe a typical lockdown day of yours.

I mean I’m in a kinda weird position of living with/being a kind of key worker. When I was in the UK, I would wake up at 9 to look after the pup, take her for a walk, do uni work or plan for my year abroad. Cook or help my sister cook dinner, play as a group with the puppy, then chill in the living room with family, play animal crossing. In Austria It’s been waking up half an hour before my first class, teaching, cooking and chilling.

47. Something you did during lockdown that you´ve been putting off for way too long?

Had some proper heart to hearts with my sister and organised my year abroad.

48. Trying new baking recipes or new cooking recipes?

Yeah! I made profiteroles and some new curries.

49. Netflix or Amazon Prime?

Prime because you can buy stuff too, it would be netflix but my dad keeps forgetting to tell me his password.

50. Did you get Disney+?

Yeah, I share it with a few friends.

51. Any new social media you started using during lockdown?

Not sure actually!

52. Any trends you fell for?

Not that I can think of?

53. Did you achieve more or less than in a normal year? Explain.

Frankly, since November 2019 life has been utter hell so if it was less I wouldn’t be shocked but I think the tail end of the year has been pretty successful, I moved countries, signed my first rent contract and am supporting myself for the first time. But it’s kind of a mixed bag.

54. Did you start therapy this year?

Nope.

55. Books or audio books?

Both but I find reading really relaxing but hard to get into. I’ve read a shit ton of fanfic though.

56. Audio books or podcasts?

Podcasts mostly.

57. Twitch or Youtube?

Youtube.

58. Attended any online concert?

Tessa Violet’s “the something to look forward to” tour

59. Favorite stream/streamer this year?

I really enjoyed Mark Watson’s Watson-A-Thon and also Broadway Jackbox, the Evan Hansen one.

60. Most used social media this year?

Either twitter or tumblr.

61. Yoga or long lone walks?

Long lone walks.

62. Did you get a pet this year?

Yeah! My puppy!

63. Did it snow where you live this year?

Yeah It snowed in Vienna for one day.

64. What were you doing when you found out about the announcement of the first lockdown?

I think I was in quarantine, looking after the dog.

65. Did you panic buy anything?

No, I don’t think so.

66. Ever ran out of toilet paper?

Yes.

67. Favorite lockdown comfort food?

Something with gravy.

68. Selfcare tips for lockdown?

Be gentle with yourself. Try to give yourself structure but don’t feel guilty for not being productive.

69. Did you use delivery services this year? For what kind of food?

God yes, supermarket a few times. And also meals, kebabs a fair bit.

70. Any weird coping techniques you developed during or after lockdown?

Not especially I don’t think.

71. Favorite game you played this year?

Animal Crossing!

72. Favorite drink this year?

Pornstar martinis.

73. Favorite food this year?

Christmas Dinner.

74. Favorite App this year?

Puzzle Page! I’ve enjoyed doing crosswords and stuff a lot.

75. Favorite memory of this year?

Drunk dog walk with my sister in the pouring rain.

76. Any plans you had for this year that you could realize?

Wait what does this one mean?? Any plans I COULD do? My year abroad I guess. Any plans I couldn’t - interrailing.

77. Do you even plan anything for next year?

I still have the rest of my year abroad plan.

78. Did you find new (online) friends this year?

Yeah - one at my uni who I didn’t know so that was nice!

79. Did you go through a break-up this year?

No.

80. Did you get into a new relationship this year?

No.

81. Did you do something creative this year? Tell us about it.

Yeah, I cross-stitched a bee, a snake and a butterfly and I also did lots of writing and a few doodles on my writing blog (lovenliterature).

82. Favorite blog you found on tumblr this year?

A bunch of wolfstar or ballum ones - I really like @aeternumregina and @shanastoryteller too.

83. What did you buy way too much of this year?

Take out and alcohol.

84. Did you win anything this year?

Nope.

85. Did you drastically change your diet this year?

Not especially, I tried to have more fruit though and I started drinking coffee.

86. Did you move to a new home this year?

Yeah! I now live in a flat in Vienna.

87. Did you do something this year that you never did before?

Signed rent and work contracts in another country. Also got corona.

88. Celebrity crush of the year?

Ben Platt or Andrew Scott.

89. Most expensive thing you bought this year?

My phone!

90. Been abroad this year?

Yep, I moved abroad.

91. Favorite tumblr trend of this year?

Just fucking waiting for more Destiel news.

92. New Years Resolutions you broke this year?

I didn’t make any this year tbh.

93. NYRs you kept?

Same answer.

94. NYRs you have for next year?

Just be nicer to myself and remember to renew prescription/make doctor’s appointments sooner.

95. How are you going to spend New Years Eve?

Drinking with my flatmate in my flat.

96. Will you get your fortune told in any way around NYE?

No I don’t think so.

97. Any new shops (online or real) you discovered this year?

Billa, our supermarket lol.

98. Any food you tried out for the first time this year?

Polish Christmas food!

99. How did you celebrate your birthday this year?

It was in Feb so had friends round and had drinks.

100. Was this ask game better or worse than 2020?

Better

#personal #personal post #personal posts #ask game #ask games #anons #answering questions

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i-am-very-very-tired · 7 years

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#1 05-07-2005 11:10 AM by VeggieGirl I'm 18 years old. *Up until last year, I'd always been told I had great teeth--then I went to a new dentist who found 14 cavities at my first visit (as well as 4 and 5mm periodontal pockets and receeding gums). This new place has a lot of fancy equipment and is much more high-tech than my old dentist, so I'm inclined to trust them. I've been going every three months for a cleaning, and every time, they've found new cavities. *I can even see little black lines forming in my molars, and I think I see some on the back side of my front teeth. I brush two or three times a day and floss twice a day--always. *I don't eat refined sugar, drink soda, eat candy, etc. *I do eat a LOT of fruit though. *If I ever snack between meals it's on something like vegetables. I can't figure out why my teeth are in such bad shape, especially at my age. *Most of my family has good teeth. *No matter how well I take care of my teeth, it seems like they just keep getting worse and more cavities keep forming. Any ideas on why this might be happening? *Or what I can do to prevent the cavities? #2 05-07-2005 01:20 PM by Johnnie-x Re: Why am I getting so many cavities? Hi-Tech is good for the dentist, but as far as the patient is concerned.. I wonder... I had a hi-tech computerized dentist, but now I have an old dentist (I hope he doesn't retire)... Working with teeth is as much as an art as it is a science and experience counts for a lot... Anyway, regarding your cavity problem, if you eat a lot of cereals, they are mostly carbs and might stick to your teeth and be harder to clean off... This is one wild guess... Don't give up looking for an answer.. I had/have a similar problem and one change (out of many) that I'm wondering about is the hot vegan cereal cups I switched to eating... So, I'm suspicious... #3 05-07-2005 01:23 PM by HELLASRULES Re: Why am I getting so many cavities? Hey Veggie Girl I hate to be cynical, but if you have always had good checkups with the dentist, up until the new one. You may want to get a second opinion before proceeding with all the (expensive) dental work. All the new fancy equipment doesn't mean much. Someone of your age to have problems with deep pockets (and you have good dental hygiene) is a wee bit surprising. I'd check out a second opinion, if possible. So, unless you have some vitamin deficeincy from your diet, or your teeth are just naturally "soft", or a medication has affected your teeth...it doesn't seem possible to have cavities forming so quickly. When I was your age I had a friend, whose dentist told her she had 32 cavities!!! I know this is posssible, but usually with people who do not take care of their teeth. My last dentist always seemed to find some new thing to do to me, too. And he had all the fancy equipment too. Well $3,000.oo later I stopped going. I'm going to a differnet one now and all I need is the root planing/scaling thing done, and it's been 6 years since I last went & I am 50 yrs old. I smoke, don't have half the good dental hygiene habits you do, and I should be having the problems you are having instead. All I am saying is that it wouldn't hurt to get a different opinion. If you are having all these problems for sure, than a second opinion wouldn't hurt. #4 05-07-2005 02:31 PM by Warah Re: Why am I getting so many cavities? The nature of diagnostic dentistry is subjective. If you went to 10 different dentists they would most likely give you 10 different opinions. Much is based on education, experience, patient individuality, clinical/radiographic evidence, and various diagnostic tools/technology. I have seen new patients enter the practice with tons of decay, why? Who knows? Maybe the previous dentist was more conservative at caries diagnosis, maybe he "felt bad" and didn't want to over treatment plan, maybe x-rays were not taken, maybe a full periodontal probing was not assertained and pocketing was never found. It is frustrating for both the new dentist and the patient. But it doesn't hurt to get a second opinion or at the very least talk to the dentist, explain your circumstances and have him show you what he is seeing. Some dentists are much more "proactive" at treating small suspicious lesions, while others are more conservative and have a watch and see type of philosophy. Sometimes baby cavities can form (incipient lesions)--some will fill, while others will watch encouraging diet control, good hygiene and home fluoride in hopes it will remineralize. As a consumer and patient it is your responsibility to be as knowledgable as possible about what is going on in your body and know what your philosophy is and what your practioners philosphy is. Then together you can collaborate to get you to optimum oral health. As for your question regarding decay prevention. Good oral hygiene--brushing with an electric toothbrush, prescription home fluoride and flossing. Diet control--reduce amounts of carbs, especially foods that stick to the teeth (dried fruit, crackers, chips, cookies, candy) and soda/sugared coffees. Dry mouth especially from meds can also increase plaque and reduce salivary flow thus clearance of foods and natural buffers/enzymes/antibodies that neutralize bacteria. There is no such thing as "soft" teeth. Cavities are all about bacteria, if it were not there you would not get decay. #5 05-11-2005 09:49 AM by camchase Re: Why am I getting so many cavities? I speak from experience! Please don't assume that because he has a fancy office and a fancy practice that he is a superior dentist. Remember one thing, he has to pay for all that flash! And it isn't out of his pocket, it's out of yours. A good dentist, and I was lucky to finally find one, has an "old time" type practice. He doesn't schedule 20 patients in a day and he takes as much time with you as you need. Granted, his office is smaller and not near as fancy, but he has helped me through some extremely major problems created by the first one. Again, I stress, PLEASE PLEASE don't assume he's good based on the "trappings" in his office. #6 05-11-2005 10:43 AM by Cinemagic Re: Why am I getting so many cavities? With the advent of fluoride, the number of cavities in young people has decreased dramatically. Fluoride hardens the enamel making it more resistant to the effects of the acids produced by bacteria. An unfortunate side effect of this increased enamel hardness is that decay is more difficult to detect. Decay will progress along the path of least resistance. Once the decay has penetrated the enamel, it will continue to worsen in the dentin - the tooth structure under the enamel. The point where the decay penetrates the enamel may be too small to get a stick with the dental pick - the traditional method of detecting cavities. Yet the decay can get quite deep. The increased hardmess of the enamel makes it more difficult to see the decay and its extent on x-rays. As a result, decay is often difficult to detect and when seen on x-rays, it is most often much deeper that it would appear. A problem with someone saying that they have good oral hygiens is that sometimes they do and sometimes they don't. Even when they think they're doing a good job. If you want to know just how good a job you really are doing, use disclosing tablets AFTER you do your normal routine. If you see red on any tooth surface, then you're not doing as good of a job as you thought you were. There's never anything wrong with getting a second or third opinion. Or as many opinions as you need to feel comfortable with the treatment you receive. It's your body and you need to feel good about what is being done and who is doing it. As for a high tech vs low tech office, it's all in the dentist himself as to how good he really is. High tech is nice because these offices employ state-of-the-art diagnostic tools and techniques to increase the quality of care you receive. You can still receive quality care from a low-tech office. Most people will never know if their dentist is good, bad or mediocre. People tend to use: "He spends time with me and is nice.", or "He didn't hurt at all.", or "His fees were quite reasonable." as the criteria of who is good. Unfortunately, these attributes usually have little to do with the quality care you receive. I would prefer to have someone who keeps up with the latest techniques and materials. Has an interest in what he is doing. Takes continuing education courses regularly. Is not afraid to refer to a specialist. Has been in practice for at least five years. And listens to what you have to say. #7 05-11-2005 01:45 PM by mccormickautumn Re: Why am I getting so many cavities? So true, Camchase, I couldn't agree with you more. Fancy facilities don't necessarily equal quality care and I speak it with experiences too. After moving to another state, I had one dentist after examination said I had 6 cavities, and I only had had seen and been taken care of by another dentist less than a year prior. This new dentist was also recommending other cosmetic works and I didn't feel comfortable about. So I decided to seek a 2nd opinion and was told I only had a small loose filling on one tooth. I also have seen a so called cosmetic dentist with aggressive advertisement and his waiting room has a giant screen TV constantly playing before and after photos of cosmetic dental procedures. He showed a lot of cases to me of patients with numerous crowns and vaneer works, whom in fact I felt that a lot of them looked better or more natural before the treatments. I can never understand why some people would going into dental offices with perfectly healthy, natural looking teeth and put on crowns and vaneers like having pedicures. Do they realize that the health of their teeth are being jeopardized and could have serious problems like pain, root canals, fracture etc... down the road? I think a lot of patients are not being adaquately informed on the risks of these elective procedures. Money is of course the driving force behind it and we are talking of lots and lots of money. #8 05-11-2005 02:31 PM by Cinemagic Re: Why am I getting so many cavities? The reasons people have for getting cosmetic veneers and crowns are the same reasons they have for breast augmentation, liposuction, face lifts, brow lifts, blephoplasty and numerous other cosmetic surgeries. All of which carry a certain degree of risk and irreversibility. It is the quest for youth, the Hollywood look and simply looking better. Many people don't have a desire to look better. They need to find dentists who do not focus their practice on cosmetics. For those who do want to look better, they should seek out dentists who focus on cosmetics. Of course this does not have much to do with the high-tech office, except that most dentists who focus on cosmetics usually have the latest equipment. A high-tech office is simply a quest to improve the quality of care delivered. I find it interesting that people who get second opinions who are told that instead of four, five or six cavities, they have only one always think that the dentist who says they need less treatment is right and the better one. How does the patient know that the dentist who says only one cavity exists isn't missing three, four or five other cavities? A year later when the patient needs a root canal because one of the other undiagnosed cavities got worse, he can't understand it. Don't make the assumption that the dentist who treatment plans less is right or the better one. The opposite might very well be true. If two dentists are that far apart in diagnosis, a third opinion is warranted. #9 05-11-2005 04:19 PM by camchase Re: Why am I getting so many cavities? Cinemagic: I speak from experience. I was diagnosed with periodontal disease by a "hi-tech" dentist and told I needed $1200 worth of treatment for it. After a 2nd and 3rd (periodontist) opinion I learned I did NOT have periodontal disease, did NOT have generalized 4-5mm pocketing and did NOT need the expensive treatment; only regular cleanings every 6 months. I have to wonder how many of the $1200 treatments he has to sell to keep his fancy office operating; needed or not! You sound like a member of the dental community and as such you should be outraged when you hear of such things going on. It should never be "just accepted" but fought vigorously, especially from those inside the dental community who bear a slight black eye from this type of fraud. It is inexcusable and unconscionable. #10 05-11-2005 05:53 PM by Cinemagic Re: Why am I getting so many cavities? Absolutely. Unnecessary treatment is unethical and should not be tolerated. I can tell you that in my state, unethical treatment is dealt with whenever possible. My problem with this thread is that some people tend to equate dental practices using the latest equipment and materials (high-tech) with unnecessary treatment and "over-sell". Nothing could be further from the truth. Fortunately the percentage of unethical dentists is very low, but you will find them in high-tech, low-tech and in-between type offices. My point is simply that it is the individual dentist that is ethical or not and that IMO the majority of dentists employing the latest equipment and materials are ethical. #11 05-11-2005 05:56 PM by Warah Re: Why am I getting so many cavities? camchase: Treatment planning new patients can be a little tricky. Therefore, some dentists will pick one or two things to do first having in mind that more needs to be done in the future. After the patient is more established in the practice, they will then incorporate more work. Others will just hit the patient with everything they see at the first visit. The difference between the two is not that one sees more than the other, it is just a different way of delivering treatment and getting it to be accepted. Cinemagic: I would prefer to have someone who keeps up with the latest techniques and materials. Has an interest in what he is doing. Takes continuing education courses regularly. Is not afraid to refer to a specialist. Has been in practice for at least five years. And listens to what you have to say.--ditto #12 05-11-2005 07:10 PM by camchase Re: Why am I getting so many cavities? No offense WaRDH, but my point was with the unethical & fraudulent diagnosis of a condition that does not exist in a patient, simply to keep the "brass and glass" office afloat. People in the dental community wonder why people are so cynical about the dental practice and that is why. It takes one "bad apple" to ruin the reputations of a world of good dentists. And no one can blame the patient who has had this happen to them. How do they trust again? How do they believe the next dentist or doctor who tells them they have this or that and they need this treatment or that treatment? Again, you cannot blame the patient. And when you talk to another person in the same profession all you get is "uh, well, I don't know about that" or they don't say anything at all! Shame on them, as well, for providing a place for this to happen again and again. Thank goodness I have 2nd and 3rd opinion dentists who are willing to stand up and say that it is fraudulent. But I feel for the person who cannot find that ethical dentist out there that won't tolerate another's fraud.

#Notes to my dentist

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