#also this is what made the total word count get to 30k

[thecouchsofa]

2023 ao3 wrapped / fic review / whatever else I'm putting here

@oflights, the human, the myth, the legend, has made me go look at my stats and now you have to look at them too. Tagging @jtimu @elskanellis @sillywives @sleepstxtic @maesterchill @peachydreamxx @hoko-onchi-writes @starquestingfordrarry @rainstormradish @apricitydays-lazynights @annanother-thing @uncannycerulean @drarrymyheart @mallstars so they can also feel this sweet, sweet pain (if they want).

First up, some stats!

Fics posted: 7 public, 1 currently hidden, 1 awaiting submission date + 3 tumblr microfics

Fics started (and maybe finished): 18 + 3 tumblr microfics

Word count of fics posted: 414,013

Total word count written: 513,953

Sorry, but what the actual fuck do you mean I've written over 500k words since April? Put me in restraints, truly.

My favourite fic I wrote this year: The Brightest Constellations of Our Souls

My most kudos'd fic of this year: Driving me crazy (but I'm into it)

I've also read, like, a fucking horrendous amount of fics this year. More than I think I read back when I was deep in the One Direction trenches as a teen. Getting back into writing has given me a fresh appreciation for everyone's work; it's so fucking hard to write well and everyone who puts themselves out there and does that gets an online hug from me.

After Erised reveals I'll be posting a ridiculously long list of my favourite fics that were posted in 2023. It is ... exhaustive. I should probably be embarrassed by how long it is.

But without further ado, a recap of my fics from this year.

May

Driving me crazy (but I'm into it) (8k, E) (Draco/Harry)

Draco’s fucked a lot of people. He’s fucked models, Quidditch players, members of the Wizengamot, even a Muggle actor, but none of them come quite as prettily as Harry Potter.

September

A Walk in the Woods (48k, E) (Draco/Harry)

After ending up in the Spell Damage Ward at St Mungo’s, Harry is put on mandatory holiday leave.

The catch: he has to spend it with Malfoy at his cottage deep in the woods. Harry has no idea why Malfoy agreed to host him, considering he avoided ever being alone in a room with Harry before he left for his sabbatical a year ago.

To complicate things, Harry’s enormous longstanding crush hasn’t waned at all in Malfoy’s absence.

For: HP Cottagecore Fest

The Brightest Constellations of Our Souls (256k, E) (Draco/Harry)

Harry doesn’t know how to cope after the War. The only things that make him feel even remotely normal again are taking risks while flying and fighting with Malfoy. It’s not likely to end well.

Or,

Draco becomes obsessed with ‘Wonderwall’, reads Muggle books, and drives a campervan, while Harry slowly falls in love with Draco. A story about travelling around the British Isles in the late 90s while healing deep scars.

October

Capillaries (3.6k, M) (Draco/Harry)

Draco’s Sectumsempra scars have never fully healed. He says that it’s not Harry’s fault, that he doesn’t blame him for it. Harry hears him, but he’s not sure that he believes it.

Evergreen (23k, T) (Harry/George)

“You’d better hurry up, mate, or all the good ones will have gone.” Fred leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest, clearly thinking that he’d now exceeded his allowance of brotherly wisdom for the day.

“Who are you going with then?” Harry asked suddenly. He looked between Fred and George, a thoughtful expression on his face.

Harry asks George to the Yule Ball because it’ll be a laugh and he’s in dire need of one of those. If George can continue to keep his crush under wraps it should all go swimmingly.

For: HP Rarepair Fest IV

Celestial (paint me like one of your starscapes) (30k, E) (Draco/Harry)

Draco needs a partner for an art project. The only catch is, they have to be magically compatible with him for the paints to work properly. He’s fairly certain that he knows who his partner will need to be, he’s just not sure that he wants to admit it.

For: H/D Sudsfest Lite 2023

November

November Flush (5k, E) (Draco/Harry)

Draco Malfoy might be an absolute raging arsehole, but he gives Harry exactly what he needs.

Microfics (all Draco/Harry)

From one to another, for the prompt 'follow': tumblr link

Til resentment do us part, for the prompt 'keep': tumblr link

Satiate, for the prompt 'indulge': tumblr link

Thoughts / feeling / goals for next year

Pride, slight embarrassment, love, appreciation.

For the coming year I'm excited to get stuck into writing even more. I've got so many ideas that I'm excited to work through and a fantastic community to do that with. I will need to be bullied into not signing up for more fests in the new year, so please give me a nudge if my blogging starts to look stressed. Also never be nervous to send me a message about random shit if you're on the fence!

If you have read this far, have read even a single sentence I've written this year, or have thought my Squirtle pic looks cool, I love you, I appreciate you, and I support you.

The motto for 2024? Bedcurtains. One word, not two.

Thanks for being here! ❤️

[cheeseplants]

Tagged by @doonarose

How many works do you have on ao3? 12

What's your total ao3 word count? It's 176,820 if you count the massive Choose Your Own Adventure fic, but 59,604 if you don't.

What fandoms do you write for? Good Omens, obviously

Top five fics by kudos:

The Human Manual (E) - Angel Crowley & Angel Aziraphale Make an Effort for the first time in Heaven after reading through the Human Manual. Silly humorous fluff written for the @goodomensafterdark Smut war.

Angel, it’s cold outside (E) - I wanted them to spoon. It's cold outside, Crowley turns up to help Aziraphale warm up... in bed. Also written for the smut war!

I’m Dreaming of a Light (and Dark) Christmas (T) - A cute fluffy as Hell Hallmark-inspired Christmas fic of human Aziraphale and Crowley fighting with over-the-top Christmas decorations.

One Night in Bethlehem (E) - A random sort of PWP Christmas one-shot of Crowley teaching Aziraphale several firsts on the first-ever Christmas. The aim was to write porn but not have them kiss! There is plenty pining.

The Ecstasy of Eden (E) - My current WIP, a rather ridiculous 5 in 1 fic written for the High Pollen Sex Pollen event. 5 times they used sex pollen, and the one time they didn't Through the Ages fic.

Do you respond to comments? Yes! I think I am fully caught up on responding to all of them.

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Well, I wrote a lot of the bad endings in the Choose Your Adventure fic Coming Home, if you found yourself being like - noooo, that was likely me. I have also left my current WIP in a state of angst before updating. And fully completed I'd probably say Angel, it’s cold outside has a pretty bittersweet ending.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? It's got to be I’m Dreaming of a Light (and Dark) Christmas, no canon compliant messiness to deal with there. Just good ol' Christmas cheer.

Do you get hate on fics? I got a weird comment that made no sense, but it wasn't hate.

Do you write smut? YES. And so much more than I ever would have thought. I am literally writing a back-to-back porny WIP that is 30k long. Though after that I may take a break and write a bit of Gen/T, I have some cute Outsider POV ideas I want to do.

Craziest crossover: I mean it has to be Good Omens and Clippy the Microsoft paperclip for a collab Christmas fic.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? I doubt it!

Have you ever had a fic translated? Nope.

Have you ever co-written a fic before? Yes, Clippy as above. And the CYOA adventure fic was an insane collab. Trying to do a couple of collabs at the moment.

All time favorite ship? Azicrow! But I am tempted to also write some Angelfish (Dagon/Michael) and big up to @isiaiowin for making me into Shax/Furfur (PHEW 🔥).

What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I found a random draft of a WIP where Aziraphale Falls to Hell and sets up a bookshop down there and slowly falls back in love with Crowley. And it's a great concept but is on the backburner alongside all my other WIPs.

What are your writing strengths? Humour! I can write some silly set pieces, and people often say they cackle at it. I have been complimented on making silly stuff also hot. I guess that's a strength.

What are your writing weaknesses? GRAMMAR. OMG I am slowly learning how to use commas correctly and semi-colons and all that. Description I feel I need to do more of, I am often like - action, dialogue and forget to set the scene.

Thoughts on dialogue in another language? I mean my husband speaks like seven languages and often roasts me for people a typical Brit who can half cobble together a sentence in terrible Spanish. But if I needed to write any, he's right there!

First fandom you wrote in? I'm a newbie in my thirties! So I guess this one Good Omens. I think I probably wrote some Postman Pat and Animals of Farthing Wood stories when I was a child, so maybe them?

Favorite fic you've written? EEEP it's hard. I have a special place in my heart for I’m Dreaming of a Light (and Dark) Christmas. It was the first fic I properly wrote, and I love I still get kudos and comments on it in summer despite it being a Christmas fic. I also have a WIP currently titled Small Town Romance which is my baby, and hopefully it will soon see the light of day!

I tag: @zin-lynn-c, @isiaiowin, @fuzzygoblin, & @kneelbeforeyourdogbabylon

[birdylion]

20 Questions for Fic Writers Tag Game

@beatrice-otter tagged me, thanks!

1. how many works do you have on AO3?

28, of which 11 are in German, 17 in English. Of the English fics, 2 are podfics and 1 is filk (for the lyrics someone else wrote). I should re-record that last one, I've become a much better singer since then.

2. what’s your total AO3 word count?

55,059 words

3. what fandoms do you write for?

Various, and rarely a lot in one fandom these days. Mass Effect and Rivers of London are my current go-to fandoms.

4. what are your top 5 fics by kudos?

What we're made of (Harry Potter: trans Viktor Krum at the Yule Ball with Hermione)

Sleepless Night (Good Omens: hurt/comfort double drabble about insomnia)

The Darkest Prison (Rogue One: pre-canon Baze/Chirrut fic about the early days of Imperial occupation and Baze's loss of faith in the Force)

Breathe, breathe in the air (Rivers of London: see my anwer to the smut question, Peter/Beverley and Peter/Old Beverley)

Bintumani (Rivers of London: Elsie Winstanley & Peter's mom have an adventure in Sierra Leone)

The first 3 are no surprise because they're all in rather big fandoms. The first one was for the "Trans Wizard Tournament" so it got lots of readers from there. The next two contain popular ships of their fandoms. The last two are a bit of a surprise, but they haven't that many kudos overall, just more than the others, and they are both from Yuletide and probably get some of their readers from there. The rest of what I write is either in niche fandoms or very niche within a bigger fandom or not in English.

5. do you respond to comments?

Yep, although I can take a while.

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Under the burning sun (Mass Effect: Kaidan and Shepard go back to Virmire to grieve Ashley)

A fic about two survivors of a mission grieving their colleague who died on said mission. One feels responsible because he made the decision who to leave behind, the other feels guilty because he was saved while his colleague was left to die. Doesn't get any angstier than that in my book.

7. what’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Phew hard to say, perhaps it's "Spürst du die Funken" (see my answer to the translation question)

8. do you get hate on fics?

Never got any hate mail, but then I don't have much of an audience either so the chances are slim.

9. do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I started recently, as in, over the last 1.5 years or so. There's one unpublished and unfinished fic that was actually the first, which only consists of a series of sexual fantasies so far but will lead to inadvisable undernegociated kinky sex between two characters who suck at communication and have loads of emotional baggage between them. There's another one that I actually published, a ... kind of weird metaphysical sex scene in which two characters have sex in the real world but also one of them has sex with the other's metaphysical alter ego on another plane of existence.

10. do you write crossovers?

I have 1 crossover WIP that I haven't touched in a long time, Rivers of London x The Old Guard, re:immortality. I tend to be intimidated by them because doing the different sources materials justice within one work sounds more challenging than if it's just one on its own.

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope, but there's a half finished translation into English of one of my German fics, a HP Dean/Seamus getting together story with gray-aromantic bi Dean and gay Seamus.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Yes, with @shakespearerants, but it's not published yet.

Also, the vast majority of my writing output (easily 20-30k words a year, used to be as high as 50k) is for a forum-based, long-form text writing RPG, which may count as co-writing and may count as fic.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?

I once wrote a 70k Harry Potter fanfic in German, a schoolgirl romance between Minerva McGonagall and Pomona Sprout (with my own character backgrounds for them). It would need much editing to be in any way presentable - the text is missing the character arcs I intended to put in it, I decided to change one of the characters' age and school year halfway in, and the ending would need a lot more preparation to be satisfying. And while I'm proud to have written 70k words of fanfic, I cannot overstate how little interest I have in connecting with others over Harry Potter these days, and I wouldn't enjoy interacting with readers about it. So I'm never going to share it and it's never going to be anything else than a first draft.

Edit: I just noticed I read the question wrong (I was very tired yesterday), but I'll keep my answer that way because the point stands: I'd like to have finished it because more satisfying than having written a 70k fic would be having it polished and published, but for aforementioned reason that's not going to happen.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Writing distinct character voices, I think. At least in German.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Dialogue! It always takes a lot of editing work to make it lively.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Ohh, lots. Basically the question is "what are you trying to achieve"? Why would the character do it? If you write dialogue in another language, which of the characters understands it, and do you want your readers to understand it? If two characters switch languages, why not say "[...] she said in French"?

The one fic in which I put the most thought about how to convey language is probably "What we're made of", the trans Viktor Krum fic, which is written from his perspective, but I elected not to add a orthographic representation of his accent, because he wouldn't be aware of it. I did give him some grammatical errors that I thought native speakers of Bulgarian might make in English - but just in direct speech and not in his internal monologue (all errors are mine there) because I assume his internal monologue to be in Bulgarian.

I did use some cyrillic, namely I used the spelling of "Hermione" from the Bulgarian HP4, from the scene in which Hermione tells him how to pronounce her name, because he would think about the pronounciation by way of the cyrillic spelling.

Also there's this sentence: "She pronounced his name ‘Victor’, as if it was English. A short i, the o as a short a, almost like ъ, and the r in that strange way English people pronounced their r, with bared front teeth." (ъ being the Bulgarian cyrillic letter for a schwa sound)

I haven't had any good opportunities to actually write dialogue in another language. One reason would be if the character was code switching, but then I'd want to be sure (in most cases) that readers who don't speak the language could still follow, so I probably wouldn't put the whole dialogue in another language, just a phrase or two, and have another character react to that. It could be fun as an easter egg for readers who speak both.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

The first story for which I tried writing a continuation was some horse book set in Cornwall with Endurance riding.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

Always the one I finished last? I don't know. I'm always proud that they're finished, and they all scratch an itch.

I'm tagging @freizusein, @astronicht, @hermitknut, @weatheredlaw, @shakespearerants, @evolutionsbedingt, @perching-owl

[xxbimbobunnyxx]

20 Questions For Fic Writers:

Thank you for the tags @lokis-army-77 & @onegirlmanytales

1) How many works do you have on AO3? - Honestly only like 3, I don’t usually post my fics on there bc I always forget. I need to sit down and do that. I have 11 on tumblr though.

2) What’s your total AO3 word count?- Like 30k

3) What fandoms do you write for? - Just Stranger Things atm. I have been considering a few other things lately tho.👀

4) What are your top five fics by kudos? - Again I don’t really post my fics on AO3 as much so I only have 5 on there lol but my top fics on tumblr are Beer and Bunny’s, Cat and Mouse, Best Mates, All You Have To Do Is Ask, and See You Again.

5) Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? - ALWAYS!! Sometimes when I’m feeling down about my writing I go back and reread them and it keeps me going/hypes me up.

6) What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? - I do not have a single fic that ends even remotely angsty. I cannot do angsty endings, reading them or writing them. I need my happy ending.

7) What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? - hmmm most of them honestly, but I really like the ending of Beer and Bunny’s. They’re so cute.

8) Do you get hate on fics? - I’ve never gotten hate before. I hope I give off a chill, in my own lane, kinda vibe.

9) Do you write smut? If so, what kinds? - Yesss lol honestly just nasty, pervy, unhinged smut. I don’t think I’ve ever really written any kind of soft smut. Not intentionally I’m just a whore. :)

10) Do you write crossovers? - I never have, no. I do have an AU based off my fav movie coming out soonish but it’ll be all ST characters still.

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen? - Nah lol idk who would take the time to steal MY fics

12) Have you ever had a fic translated? - not that I know of lol

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before? - Yes!! I have a whole AU universe with one of my friends and I’m working on two other collabs w other people. 👀🤭

14) What’s your all time favorite ship? - Listen, I’m fucking basic okay? I will always love Katniss and Peeta. Also Raven and Alexander from Vampire Kisses but no one ever knows that series.😩

15) What’s a WIP that you want to finish, but doubt you ever will? - Sugar and Spice. It was a series I started before I told myself I’m not allowed to write multi chapter fics bc I put too much pressure on myself about it lol

16) What are your writing strengths? - I’ve been told more than once that my dialogue is good. Which feels nice. Also nasty smut.

17) What are your writing weaknesses? - Transitions tbh, I’ll get to a certain point and get stuck esp transitioning into the smut which is usually what I was trying to get to in the first place.

18) Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? - I legit only speak English so I would not even try

19) First fandom you wrote for? - AVATAR THE LAST AIR BENDER lol zuko was my MANS

20) Favorite fic you’ve written? - See You Again, this one I’m just very proud of, and I love my OC girlfriend I made for myself and I just spent a lot of time on this one. I want to finish the prequel EVENTUALLY.

No pressure tags: @reidsbtch @babygorewhore @battymunson @take-everything-you-can @slutty-thevampireslayer @jamdoughnutmagician @lithium80sblog @bimbobaggins69 & anyone else who wants to🖤

[chirpybirdy]

so in theory, drinking less because im obsessed with austin butler is going to help me write bettter... i dont think im writing more is the thing that scares me but the ratio of posted work to unposted is a LOT better.

im only looking at fanfiction because trying to track my progress with my original works is an exercise in futility and i hate exercise and futility

in january and february, i posted 9,398 words (four fics) and total wordcount in drafts was 30k.

a lot of that 30k is very short fics that i barely remember thinking about. it also looks like i spent a lot of time working on fic ideas from 2023; however, i cant exactly measure that.

of the four fics, one is incomplete and one never made it into scrivener and does not factor into total wordcount. (could i change this? sure, but i think it's in the 2023 draft so c'est la vie.)

in march and april, i posted 7,615 words (six fics) and total wordcount in drafts was 15k.

i went insane (austin butler) on march 3rd and started intentionally staying sober. first fic was posted on the 4th, and i was hungover/drunk while writing it however im still counting it as a lets-get-sober fic because a) i wasnt binge drinking and b) wait i think i was high. we count it because it was written in march. anyway. i dont think the drinking-less payoff happened until the same old song at the end of march, but imo the sign that things were getting better was when i managed to write eight connected drabbles.

in april, i didnt manage 2k words over 2 fics. i kinda dont know what happened. i had longer periods of time without drinking, but maybe drank more overall? compared to march. im having a beer while i write this, and insomnia on the nights i didnt drink was driving me crazy for awhile there, but im really hopeful that in the future i will be able to write fics that last longer than a scene or two and i think that hope was kind of hard for me to work with?

i used to write like my computer was going to blow up if i stopped typing and i loved the rush!!! and... there kinda... isnt a rush... obviously im still obsessed with telling a story (arguably more so) and obviously im not staying sober (this post IS about me being a better writer sober!!!) but idk i feel like... worried. because writing doesnt feel like the only thing i have? i dont know anyway i just want to write good stories.

[romaine2424]

20 questions for fic writers!

Thanks for the retro-tag @phdmama and because I'm friends with @sassy-cissa!

It's all under the cut! Note: Assume all fics are Drarry unless otherwise noted.

How many works do you have on AO3? 60 including 1 under Anon.

What's your total AO3 Word Count? ~1.6M (552K of that is one fic. LOL)

What fandoms do you write for? Harry Potter and only Harry Potter

What are your top 5 fics by Kudos? Survival of the Species (47K) Jolene (21.5K) Double Edged Sword (552K) This Ain't the Garden of Eden (131K) Jolene Deux (5K)

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? Yes, though I missed quite a few when I was on hiatus. I love engaging with readers and seeing what in my stories struck their fancy. I've made some great friends over the years through comments on my fic.

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? There are No Innocent Vampires (31K). This is a Scarry fic (both are adults). I do have a few others.

What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Uh, most of them. But if forced to choose, Silver and Gold (70.6K) with Wolf!Draco!

Do you get hate on fics? OMG Yes. My first fic, Double Edged Sword in its earliest chapters was sporked on Deleterius. It’s a wonder I ever wrote again, but I was so pissed off at the Drarry writer who did it, I carried on. Thankfully the site went bye bye. And I also learned from that fic never ever have either Harry or Draco have an affair with Charlie Weasley. LOL. More currently, I just had to lock my current WIP this week because of a troll. ☹

Do you write smut? If so, what kind? I write both slash and het but it's not my fav thing to do. I only put it in when it fits a scene and it can take me days and days to write that scene.

Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? No

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Yes, twice. Doubled Edged Sword was brought over to FFN and Survival of the Species brought over to adultfanfiction. The latter was quite funny because someone opened an account using my name to post it.

Have you ever had a fic translated? Yes but now I'm sad. Almost all of my translated fics are gone. *sobs* The sites they were posted on no longer exist. However, my fav translations were done by Pescadora and her team at Intruders Slashzine. They translated the following in Spanish. And they're beautiful. *happy sigh* Jolene Jolene Deux Silver and Gold

Have you ever co-written a fic before? Yes, me and 9 of my friends…I think we’re still friends. *just kidding* We each wrote a chapter for this story. If you like Case Fic and haven’t read it, give it a shot. Level Two: Series One

What’s your all-time favourite ship? Drarry but I do write for other ships both slash and het and also Gen. I mainly read Drarry but also the others mentioned. I just really enjoy good plotty HP stories.

What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? After I finish my current WIP, The Azkaban Letters, (Drarry and Haphne) that I started in 2007, and finish another one I also started in 2007 at Christmas, I’ll be done with all WIPs I’ve posted on AO3.  I do have a few in my personal files. One, which I have 30K written for and it’s Scarry. It's the Scarry one I have my doubts about.

What are your writing strengths? Plot and world building. Some folks like my dialogue.  I try. 

What are your writing weaknesses? Well besides the smut already mentioned, character analysis and slow burn. Definitely more of action/adventure writer.

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? No no no.  Did it once for Double Edged Sword. It was in Russian for which I had a translator or 3 write out the text for me and give me final approval. To this day I still get Russian readers disagreeing with the text.

First fandom you wrote for? Harry Potter and still here.

Favourite fic you’ve written? This is hard, but for personal reasons, I’d have to say This Ain’t the Garden of Eden. It was the first story I wrote after an almost ten-year break. I had to shut down my muse back then almost overnight, and I wasn’t sure it could be revived. I'm tagging any other writer who wants to join the fun! Free Tag!

[sovvannight]

My Year in Writing, 2023

And this is another situation where I wish I could pull up last year's post to use as a pattern, but I can't because my writing blog got deleted, so I'm feeling a little lost.

But I can at least see the graphs I made last year in my writing progress tracking spreadsheet, so that give me a bit of a hint as to what I would normally post here.

I wrote 183,465 words on 2023. It's my third year in a row of increases (thank you, Julie and the Phantoms!) and my first year over 150k, which was my goal for the year. I'm at 856,124 words since 2017.

I'm also super excited about winning NaNo for the first time since 2017. November was my most productive month, followed by February, when I spent most of the month working on Baby, This Rain Changes Everything, which I guess I was just excited about because I had a lot of 1k+ days.

Part of the 44k increase from 2022-2023 was due to NaNo, but I also increased my average daily word count for non-NaNo months from 291.8 to 387.5. And I do write every day--December 31 was day 2,395 of my write-ever-day streak.

What I Wrote

Other than 2% of my words for the year for Garfield, a Teen Wolf Movie fix-it fic, everything else was for Julie and the Phantoms: 81% on various scenes for Electric Boogaloo, 12% for Baby, This Rain Changes Everything, and 5% on two different AU fics that I may convert to original fiction instead.

Plans for 2024

So, the saying goes something like, "Write a million words, throw them away, now you're ready to be a writer." I didn't realize it until I was writing this up, but I'm going to hit a million words next year.

And I have to admit, in the last few months, I've started to think about writing and publishing original fiction. And that's partly because the JatP fandom is dying--I'd think the drop in kudos was because I suck, but I've seen declining kudos for new fic by big name fans, too, so it's not just me. No judgement on the fandom, it's just the nature of things. I've left a couple of fandoms myself because of a new hyperfixation. But at the same time, I had this AU idea in the spring, and thought to myself, are you really going to write a whole novel-length fic for 20 kudos?

I think I'd rather earn a couple hundred bucks instead, which seems like about what I would net if I self-pub. And I'm poor, so any little bit helps. Plus, I don't know, I just feel ready. It's partly because I read some pretty bad books this year, and it's like, OK, this got published, and in one case it got optioned and made into a TV show, and I feel like I can do better.

So, my plan for 2024 is:

Write the last ~9 scenes for Electric Boogaloo.

Write season 3, AKA the Electric Boogaloo sequel. Boogaloo is probably going to reach somewhere around 300k total, but I'm aiming for something more like 150k-200k for the sequel.

Finish the two Arrow fics I still can't give up on, even though I haven't worked on them in years. One just needs another 2k, and the other maybe 15k.

Transition to original fiction, taking the idea I had for a JatP boy band AU and "filing off the serial numbers" as I go. (Or something else--who knows what I'll be most interested next fall!)

In terms of word count goals:

I want to hit 50,000 for NaNo in November. For April and July Camp NaNos, I want to write 1,000 a day, so 30k and 31k.

I want to take it somewhat easy in the three months after NaNo events, so May, August, and December - 600/day, or 18,600 words/month.

For the other six months out of the year, I'm going to try doing "NaNoWriWeek" or 1,667 words/day for the first week of the month and then 600/day for the rest of the month, which will get me around 25k per month.

All of this totals up to about 300,000 words.

[ladyfogg]

How did you become a ghostwriter ? 🤔 AND is it lucrative enough to support you solely ?

It was an long painful process to be honest. I will preface this by saying my experience is based on working for ONE company and I can't speak for all ghostwriting companies. I will also say I've had much better luck doing things myself and not through a ghostwriting business.

I had subscribed to a newsletter that had daily listings for freelance writers. A ghostwriting company was looking for romance writers so I applied. I was very excited to get the position.

The downside was, with this particular company, we definitely weren't paid what I thought we should be paid and the due dates/turnaround time for projects was fucking ridiculous. I'm talking about 3 weeks for a 30k word book. And you also didn't get paid if you didn't completely finish the project. Like edits and all. Not only that, clients could comment on your progress whenever, so you'd be trying to finish when they would have changes or not like what you had done so far. You also couldn't vet the clients yourself and were stuck with whoever they assigned you to.

There was also a legit romance novel formula you HAD to follow. I'm talking something that told you how many words you needed to spend on certain story beats. There was zero room for creativity.

I worked for them for about four months but was going through a very dark mental time. They were uncaring about my situation and unyielding on their due date. Basically the manager/owner was starting to be rude to me. Even though I was working on TWO books at the same time, three of them for a brief period. I had to leave mid project because I was having a legit mental breakdown. And no, I was not paid for either project.

HOWEVER, through that madness something good came out of it. One of the clients, one I had only gotten halfway through their book, tracked me down through my personal website and reached out. She said she loved what I had done and was sad to see me go. The company flat out lied and told her I had taken a full time job somewhere else. But she said that if I was ever interested I had a job with her whenever I wanted.

I outright told her the legit reason why I left and also apologized for not finishing her project as that's not the way I operate. She was super understanding and her offer still was standing and could be taken whenever. A few months later, I accepted and I've been writing exclusively for her ever since. Which is about four years now.

Because I'm in charge, I can negotiate WAY more pay. Not only that, my policy is that I charge for the full amount upfront and any additional words once the project is complete. I now make double per book than I made at the company writing three books. And she gives me bonuses and a certain amount of creative freedom.

As far as being lucrative, I believe it can be. I personally just don't have the time right now to write as much during the day as I'd like. But even so, she loves my work and has actually increased the word count per project because we both know I can handle it. We started at a minimum of 30k words and now, the last two books I wrote for her have been over 90k words.

As long as she is kept up to date on progress, she's totally fine. Any due dates are "rough" estimates and from the beginning she made it clear that my health comes first. I really lucked out with her. And she's the reason I tell writers to always make a personal website. You never know.

[thegeminisage]

Yo! How's about 1, 6, 20, 27, & 28 for the AO3 asks? :D

OOOOH thank you this is so many >:)

1. How many words have you written this year?

oooh let's see...we've written about 30k on envesseled this year which doesn't SEEM like a lot until you consider some of the scenes have been written three and four and even five times. the actual total number of words written on it if you count the various drafts is probably WAY higher, but also they're not all my words, so it's impossible to get an accurate count there - we'll call it 30k for the sake of ease. i put a couple of hundred down on 12:46pm, but not really enough to count. and then i have about 75k on my undisclosed project, 65k of which was this year. so like a little over 100k? that puts me at a daily average of, very roughly, ~350 words a day this year. it's low because i had so many zero days lol

6. Favorite title you used

this year of course would have to be envesseled but overall i think my favorite title for anything would have to be anchor. i LOVE a one-word title and it's so perfectly suited to the themes of the entire story i don't think there could possibly be a more perfect title <3

27. What do you listen to while writing?

ooooooh i actually have a whole post of recs here BUT. speaking about me specifically. i always try to write with something that could potentially be playing in the background of a scene if it were a movie. i'm quite fond of video game music because it's made to play in the background and enhance your experience (and be loopable) without distracting you. (at least, older game music is...new game music kind of suck these days but that is a wholw other rant.) sometimes i like to use sounds too! like, if the scene is rainy, i'll put on rain noises. this website is really great for it...you can make your own soundscapes here, like the back of the impala or a city in the rain. a lot of my Process involves triggering hyperfixation on purpose so the more immersed i can get in what i'm doing the better.

20. Which work of yours have you reread the most?/ 28. Favorite work you wrote this year?

i did these two here!

[ao3 wrapped ask meme]

[pitchblackkoi]

20 Questions for 20 Writers

okay so my dear friend @localdisasterisk tagged me in this. i do not interact w many writers on this platform and therefore will not be tagging anyone. i am aware that is not entirely the point of this exercise. however if u look into ur heart and believe in yourself u can decide without being tagged to do this. anyway thanks risk this is gonna be a mess.

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

16 apparently. that is. a lot more than I thought it was if i am being so real w u all.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

85,705. this being bc a majority of my stuff is fairly short oneshots. but is also more than i thought. i rly don't delete stuff off of this account.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

well currently its persona 5. because i have a curse. i did not think i wld be here still a year and a half later but life surprises u at times i suppose.

i've also written for critical role, tma, and some other podcasts. there's a couple of technically original works on there that's mechanisms oc based.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

at the expense of the death of a bachelor, which is unsurprising. tma is still fairly popular and its a jonmartin arranged marriage au. i get emails abt it a lot.

this is the road to ruin (and it started at the end), which is the sequel to the previous fic so. still not surprising.

forever is composed of nows, which is still tma, still jonmartin but this time an au kidfic. if u had told me in high school i wld have a somewhat popular kidfic i wld have laughed at u but the wheels of time do strange things to us.

nothing you say can stop me going home, which is honestly kind of a shock. its post-canon shadowgast and i have not read it since i published it. i don't consider it to be that good and if memory serves i wrote it very quickly but i suppose it is more accessible than my other shadowgast oneshot as this one is not 30k.

don't you know that the kids aren't alright which is a wolf 359 jacoffel fic. which let me tell u. not a popular ship so there's not as much fic compared to, say, kepcobi. i actually reread it recently after i did a w359 relisten and. it sure is Origins Of A Fic Writer.

5. Do you respond to comments?

i try to? i definitely do for more recent works but older stuff tends to fall to the wayside. if u leave comments on my tma fics, thank u so much. i see them. i appreciate them. i don't know when i will reply.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

oh fuck i am not an angst writer. uh. and in the end i'd do it all again maybe? a cursory glance tells me it ends with people crying. but knowing myself it's not particularly angsty. i am, again, not much of an angst writer.

actually wait. remembered the ending of my most recent work. trust the way we're made ends like that bc i was being mean to akira. and akechi tbh. and needed to set up for the one meant to come after that which. will straight up have an angsty ending actually so look forward to that i suppose. but yeah that one’s also not that angsty just. again kinda mean.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

oh probably the most difficult thing to read is time. its shadowgast childhood friends goodness. it gets dark but to me, that just means the ending is lighter with the ending they get.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

not unless people r posting my shit in their gcs to make fun of privately. in which case more power to u ig that shits none of my business.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

no. there’s a couple reasons for this. one is that i haven’t before, not even shit that’s just for me as practice. i don’t feel particularly comfortable doing it, especially to post. and for two i’m on the ace spectrum and haven’t ever rly felt the need. maybe i will someday, and if i do i will surely get advice from saturn as he is the writer i’m closest to who has both experience and Opinions on smut. but i don’t foresee it happening any time soon tbh.

10. Do you write crossovers?

i don’t! i used to dabble in that sort of thing with friends, just coming up w dumb little crossover aus for fun. sometimes i even still do it as more of a thought experiment for how characters from different properties wld interact. but i don’t ever have much of a plot in mind when i do this so i don’t see myself writing crossovers really. but who knows! never say never.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i know of

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

nope! no one’s ever asked. i’m pretty small time.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

no! i’ve had lovely betas and people who let me bounce ideas off of them but i’ve never properly cowritten anything w anyone. i almost did once but the project got abandoned pretty quickly.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

i feel like i’m being asked to pick a favorite child. stucky is kinda the old faithful i feel like. idk what the girlies were on in 2014 but they proceeded to crank out shit that makes me STILL cry. i feel like shuake shld also get a shout out for both being the current fave and also having some truly insane tied together by fate shit going on. time will tell how much they stick w me but i have a feeling.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

i have a lot of abandoned wips in my gdocs but by far the one i think abt the most is the shadowgast the night circus au. it had a lot of potential. i wish i had the motivation to write it. but cr2 has been over for years now and its a true miracle the 30k one i did publish got finished. my little shoutout to it is the fact that the title comes from a quote from that book.

16. What are your writing strengths?

my dialogue and general voice. i think i’m very good at characterization and can capture voice well. most disagreements i have when i’m the editing process involve me having to explain i worded something like that on purpose bc that’s how a character wld think.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

oh description. 100%. i’m so bad at describing shit it truly feels like pulling teeth. i’m the kind of person who thinks in terms of words and am bad at imagining images and it makes it hard. i’ve also been told i cld be better at grammar.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i mean two things on this right? i was in the stucky trenches back in the day and bitches LOVED to put just random russian in the middle of their fics. i know a lot abt how i think u can do this badly. especially if u put the words u translated in an entirely different alphabet than the rest of the fic. if u do this i (and most other readers) cannot even get an idea of what that’s supposed to sound like.

the other thing is that i have done this. like in cr2 canon sometimes in the most difficult thing to read is time caleb will say things in zemnian (german). i did my best to put the meaning of whatever word i used into the story. when i did put a full sentence in german in there i got it translated by someone who speaks the language. i even put an exact translation in the authors note. i was careful abt this and have not gotten a complaint abt it from any readers so i assume people didnt have complaints.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

depends entirely on what u mean by wrote for. if u mean and then published then it’s marvel. these r no longer on my ao3 but im sure if u went digging u cld find them. they’re reader insert fics and they aren’t very good. this has nothing to do w the fact that they’re reader inserts and everything to do w the fact that i wrote them in high school.

if u mean just wrote well. i wrote a rise of the guardians fic starring jack frost and a friend of mine as a joke in middle school. this is all i will say on this subject.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

again asking me to pick a favorite child but just. way more literal this time.

probably the most difficult thing to read is time. again. i keep mentioning it and it is bc it’s the longest thing i’ve ever written and took 2 1/2 real years of my life to get finished. if u like shadowgast pls give it a read. i did put my actual heart and soul into that one.

if u had to have me pick a second it wld probably be this will be the day. i had a lot of fun and learned a lot writing it. had never written a fight scene before doing that and realized when i was already writing i had sort of written myself into a corner where i HAD to write fight scenes. bc it’s a rwby au. for persona 5. both series that u know. have combat. give it a read if u like p5. u don’t actually have to know anything abt rwby for that one i explain anything u wld need to know.

[endthestarlight]

NaNoWriMo Day 20: Finally halfway!

Daily word count: 1841 || Total: 25639/50000

I am actually amazed that I got this far and only five days late too. Idk how much further I can get with only 10 days left, but also I still have 10 days!! Maybe that would be enough to get me to 30k or even 35k, I would be happy with either even if it's not the complete 50k for nanowrimo.

I'm gonna drop an excerpt from today's draft for the occasion and also because I said I'll stop being chicken about sharing my writing but then still proceeded to cluck around so here, I'll fulfil the vow I made to myself (⁠~⁠‾⁠▿⁠‾⁠)⁠~

One time the two siblings were reading an illustrated book, one about monsters and their victims and occasionally the heroes who defeated these foul creatures, if the tale was so inclined to end itself happily as a consolation. One picture of a gruesome child-eating beast in particular scared Eve, and Wilfred found it very much amusing. He had stopped fearing such things from storybooks so this reaction from his much younger and naive sister gave him much more enjoyment than just reading it. When Eve pulled away to cover her eyes and bury herself under the blankets, Wilfred pulled her back to his side and began telling her the tale. The more she shivered and whimpered under his arm, the more excited and animated his narration of the tale became, until—:

"BOO!" Wilfred yelled at the climax.

The sudden scream frightened Eve, and she let out a scream of her own much louder than the one that scared her. They were both in hysterics, with Eve wailing inconsolably as Wilfred laughed at her expense. Amidst all the noise they were making, Wilfred heard the door of the master bedroom slamming open and hurried footsteps thumping on the wooden floor. In a panic, he hurriedly shoved the book under his pillow and blew the candles out, and he urged Eve to stop crying lest they be caught staying up way past their bedtime. However, despite Wilfred's pleading, she could not stop. In fact she cried even harder, for the sudden darkness frightened her even more and made her frightful imaginings worse. She could see in the dark with what little light the faint moon offered her a shadowy figure lurking in the corner of their room, slowly advancing towards them without a sound as Wilfred tried to hush and quiet her down. It was nearing the bed where they were, reaching its clawed hand to Wilfred who had his back to it. Eve tried to warn him, but her words were jumbled, her tongue in a knot. She kept trying as it crept closer and closer, its sharp talons about to grasp at Wilfred's hair.

"B-b-behind you!" Eve managed to stutter out, a shaking finger pointing past his shoulder.

But Wilfred only snorted at her warning. "Hah! As if I'm going to fall for that," he said smugly. "What's behind me, hmm? What's behind me, Eve?" he asked as she shook him with both hands.

Then the door to their room bust open, and he yelped from the shock. Nate stood at the door in his pyjamas, a candlestick in his hand, with an angry expression.

"What ruckus are you two making this late at night?" Nate barked.

Eve couldn't be scared of their angry father though, for with the light of the new flame he brought with him, that strange creature disappeared like smoke being blown away. He had saved them both from danger and she was thankful for it, even if he came here to scold. She ran up to Nate and clung to him tightly.

Nate looked to Wilfred to explain things. "What happened here? Why is Eve crying? Wilfred, what did you do?" The last one, an accusation that stung.

"It's not my fault she gets scared so easily!" Wilfred protested, but that only gave away what happened.

"Ah, I see. You two were staying up late telling scary stories instead of sleeping, and you mister had the bright idea of spooking your younger sister out of her wits, is that it?"

"Look, it's not all my fault, okay? She wanted it—"

"We'll talk about this matter in the morning," Nate said sternly, shutting his protests down. He kneeled to be at eye level with Eve and stroked her head gently. In a voice much more tender than when speaking to Wilfred, Nate said: "Hush now, my dear Eve, it's alright. Do you want to sleep in the other bedroom with me and Mama?"

Eve shook her head, still sniffling. "No, no," she said, "we can't leave Wilfred here all alone. There's a monster here."

"Your older brother can handle any monsters here by himself," Nate replied. "He's a big boy, see? He's not even the least bit scared at all. He can stand to sleep here on his own." To Wilfred's ears that sounded like a condemnation.

Nate picked Eve up with one arm and was about to carry her off to sleep in the other bedroom, but Eve started hitting and kicking and throwing a fit again.

"No, no, no! We can't, we can't just leave him!" Eve cried out. "It's dangerous, it's dangerous here alone in the dark..." she trailed off in a trembling whimper and buried her head in the crook of his neck.

Nate sighed. Eve clearly wasn't going to calm down like this so he had no choice but to play by what she wanted if he wanted to go back to sleep soon. "Alright, alright. We won't leave him. Do you want me to stay the night here with you two? I can even leave the candlelight burning for the night so you'll have nothing to be afraid of."

"Mhm-hmm," Eve nodded, snuggling up to her father.

Nate placed the candlestick down on Wilfred's study desk and carried Eve to the two siblings' shared bed. He laid her down next to Wilfred and himself sat on her other side, keeping Eve in between her father and her brother. Before laying his head down, Nate gave a stern glance at Wilfred, admonishing him with his eyes alone. It was as if those eyes said, 'Look at how you treat your sister, your sister who despite all that still cares for your safety and won't let you be in any danger, imagined or not.'

They both knew that there was nothing there, that it was just an overactive imagination on Eve's part, but in that moment before Nate slammed open the door, Wilfred thought that he felt something touch his hair ever so slightly, though both of Eve's hands still clung tightly to him, and the windows were all tightly shut so it was definitely no wind's gentle caress.

Wilfred brushed it off as Eve's fright simply getting to him.

[dinitride-art]

Lighting and Mike and Will & El and Max - Full Analysis (Pt.23)

Here we go my friends. 

S4:E9 - Finding Max (#1)

Going in from Jonathan and Will’s talk, the first thing we have in preparation (or one of them at least)  is El taking off her socks. Color-wise, her socks are blue- which symbolizes Mike. The act of her taking them off is her taking the final piece of blue from her outfit, stepping fully away from her and Mike’s romantic relationship. 

However, the stress placed on this action implies more meaning than just colour. Biblical references and western media tend to frolic in a field of wildflowers hand in hand. It’s just how it is sometimes. 

I had to look it up, but (in many religions, so this isn’t entirely the bible + media, but it will be later on with some other references so. Be prepared for that in like 2-3 analysis-note to self) bare feet symbolize a whole lot of different things in different contexts (like most things). But I think it’s safe to say that in this context, it’s to put El in the role of some sort of saviour figure. 

Biblical references (in season four specifically) have been seen at Suzie’s house with her family and also in the scene with the painting of the Last Supper (I did go down this rabbit hole a while ago and it’s not actually Da Vinci’s version, it’s one of the remakes. Apparently because of the degradation of The Last Supper OG, others were painted, but they changed shit so you can tell that its different. Anyways- just a bit of art history) and in more recent scenes like the pizza scene where Mike says, “that’s blasphemous.” 

I always found this shot a bit weird, but after thinking about it for a bit, it makes sense that it would be a biblical reference. And not just some weird shot. 

They turn on the radio to white noise, but what’s important is that the music inside is the tape that Mike grabbed from the van. It’s The Cars, and even though it’s not playing, it’s still present within the scene. 

Before El puts the Pizza goggles over her eyes, we can see that everyone it lit pretty much the same. Also interesting here, and will continue throughout the scene, is that El’s heart ring is in view. It’s also on her right hand. (and that’s also a later thing that I will explain- it just makes sense to mention it here)

Then she puts the sunglasses on, we can see that the part of the logo used is “pizza.” This is stressing that El knows something, even with the glasses on. 

Mike and Jonathan’s positions on either side of El are also neat. They’re mirroring each other. This could be saying that El sees them the same way. In season one she asked if Mike would be like her brother, and while he said no (for reasons that require a different analysis- but in short, forced conformity and heteronormativity) it’s always been an interesting line. El has a lot of familial connection and importance this season, and a lot of those connections parallel Mike’s relationship to El.

When El finds Max and Lucas, she sees them in the lighting of the room they’re in. Max is holding the light here, which could be alluding to Max being a guiding light of sorts. The blue, however, is not an indicator of anything good. 

Again when we see El, we can see both Mike and Jonathan’s hands. She isn’t narrating either of them as more important than the other. 

Mike is narrating Will as more important than the other characters within the scene, as per usual. Even though El is still here, and we’re seeing Mike and Will from behind Argyle and Jonathan, we can still tell that Mike’s narrating. 

The lighting on Mike’s face has returned to being half lit, while the light on Will’s face is back to the soft lighting we’re used to seeing in scenes between Mike and Will. Mike is also looking at Will. 

Another thing about this is that yellow and blue lighting has returned. The lights flickering above Mike and the light of the fridge behind Will are very similar to Rink O’ Mania. All of Rink O’ Mania had yellow and blue lighting following Mike and Will, but this shot specifically is like the one where Mike, Will and El are standing in front of Angela and Mike asks El, “What did you do?”

Mike is also looking to Will again. He’s been looking at Will all season, that’s why we’ve seen so much of him, but here he’s looking for reassurance. He’s also been doing this all season (series) as well. From the van ride home from Rink O’ Mania, where he glanced to Will instead of El, to all the heart to hearts, and in the van when the agent was dying, and all the way to the gas station where he looked at Will for help understanding what Argyle was saying. 

The Piggyback doesn’t wrap anything up. It’s open ended and leaves us with far to many questions and concerns. But it does seem to be tying elements from earlier in the season into the this point in the story to create some sort of end. 

What I’m trying to say here is that there is a lot of emphasis placed on this shot of Mike looking to Will for reassurance. It’s been happening all season, but this is where we’re told to really see it. 

Mike looks away after Will does, but we still are looking at the two of them. We’re finally allowed to see them. Their relationship has been set out like this since the beginning, but now we as an audience are being told to take notice of it and so are other characters. 

Argyle and Jonathan have been placed in our perspective of the situation. Which makes sense because we now know that they both know more than Mike and Will. 

Another really weird thing, is that Will is cut out of a lot of these types of shots. He’s intentionally being kept out of sight. Dustin said earlier in the season, “God, we need Will.” And Will has been mentioned a few other times in regards to the upside down. 

What is important here is that El doesn’t see Will. I don’t think it’s in regards to his feelings for Mike, but more so his importance in defeating Vecna. 

(yes the picture quality is terrible, I am sorry. But it’s what we’re working with, so we must continue onwards)

The light is placed in front of Max in this shot. Also worth noting is that Lucas and El are in very similar positions on either side of Max. I’m not entirely sure what this means or where this is going, but I’m going to write about what I see. I’ll think about plausibility later.

Again, we can see that since we’ve switched back into Mike’s narration here, Will is still in the soft light that’s just a bit brighter than everyone else's in the room.

El places her right hand over Max’s. This is the hand with the heart ring on it. 

The lights start flicking when she does this indicating that she’s using her powers to the group. It’s also very clear to see here how Max and Mike are positioned in regards to El’s ring. El has a ring on one hand and her blue bracelet from Hopper on the other. The one with the braclet is the one that was held out to Mike in the pizza scene. 

Mike is still kept on the side of the bracelet in this scene. This is a symbol of Hopper and El’s family.

El takes Max’s hand with the heart ring. 

As the lights are flickering and everyone is looking around, our attention is drawn to Will. This is, as always, because of Mike’s narration, but also because we’re missing something. Will is important. He always has been important to fighting the Upside Down. But he hasn’t had to do that this season. 

This is also because of the transition Will is going through from a side character to a main character. We are seeing his reaction to the events around him because it’s becoming important to the narration of the story going forwards. will has always been important but now he’s becoming integral to our understanding of what we see. 

Our attention is being drawn to Will, while we can also see that El’s isn’t. 

I keep thinking about the line, “God, we need Will.” And I think that’s because they really do need him. But, this is a tad bit off topic, so, back to lighting.

A few quick lighting observations about these next three shots. 

When El is in the pizza freezer, her lighting is relatively normal compared ot everyone else in the scene (except Will). 

In the transition from the mindscape (I hope that’s what it’s called) to Max’s memories, El’s lighting changes. It’s a sharp light, unlike the type of light we’ve seen for a lot of this season with Mike and Will. Our attention is being directed to El with the light. 

But this is what the light is supposed to look like when we’re supposed to look at a character. No one can see El here. It’s just us. 

When we arrive in Max’s memory, El’s lighting changes again. She’s almost entirely shaded. This could be indicating that El hasn’t found Max yet. But with the colours and lighting in this scene and going forwards in The Piggyback, it is possible that it could indicate to us that El is in the dark about something. 

But El’s face is also similar to how Mike’s has been lit for the majority of this season, at least when we’re in his perspective. Like we can see when we go back to Mike, his face is similarly shaded. 

We have both Mike and El narrating the story but they aren’t influencing their separate narrations. What we see is what they’re telling us. They’re in separate places and are narrating separate situations which makes it really easy to understand what they’re telling us.

Going forwards with this scene, we have Mike and El telling us what’s happening at Surfer Boy Pizza and in Max’s head with Vecna/One/Henry respectively. Lucas is telling us what’s happening outside of Max’s head, Nancy in the Upside Down, and everyone else who’s separated is narrating their own sections but perhaps to a lesser extent than Mike and El. (Also, just as a note, I’m not going to go into Erica and Lucas very much. So, don’t worry about any graphic images coming up- other than supernatural horrors. just in case anyone was worried about that. I will have frames of Lucas, but only ones that are relevant to the lighting and none with Jason.)

This shot of El is from Mike’s OTS shot. Putting this in here just to point out that even when explicitly in Mike’s perspective, El’s lighting is still normal (although a little better lit than Mike and the others because we’re focusing on her) and not nearly on the level that Will is in this scene. 

Back to El’s narration, we can also see how the lighting is contrasted when switching from Mike’s perspective to Els’. She’s in shadow again. 

the letter’s ‘LBT’ are visible here. Originally I thought it was BLT when I saw it (like, bacon, lettuce, tomato) but it’s not. Apparently. Anyways, I found it interesting that those letters are so clear within this scene, since those are 3/4 of the letters of the most common abbreviation of LGBTQIA+; LGBT. 

It might’ve been apart of the setting when they got there, but they filmed it specifically focusing in on it. It could very well be referencing the queer community and themes within the show. 

Also what we can see here are the skaters clothes. Most of them are wearing primary colours. Primary colours are connected to Mike, Will and El, and also are strewn throughout the entire series. They’re important and we’ve been told to look at them before, so it makes sense o look a little more in depth into their meaning in this scene. 

El, in this shot, is again pictured in the shade. 

We get another shot of Mike and Will from the side of Argyle and Jonathan. Nothing had really changed lighting wise, but this continues to tell us to look at them. they’re positions are also mirroring each other, with their watches in frame and on both their outer arms. 

Okay. This is another shot that draws attention to El’s ring. Again, it’s on the hand furthest from Mike and it’s the same hand she reached out for Max with. We are meant to notice it’s distance from Mike. 

The shade on El’s face persists through this scene. The ring that I mentioned above, doesn’t have the same emphasis on it in El’s perspective. It does later, but under very specific circumstances that have more to do with Max than they have to do will Mike. 

The skaters in front of El here are dressed in yellow and red. There is one skater who is in green, but they come in a little later when we find little Max. Green is also a very important colour. 

In season one it was established that it has romantic implications. I wrote about this more in depth here, after I was wrong about the colour of the roses and sought redemption in the form of an analysis of Will’s funeral and colour theory. Anyways, the roses are yellow and white-. To summarize my argument, green is a romantic colour in the place of red. It’s a mask of true feelings and intentions because Will, “couldn’t find a red crayon.” Joyce told him that Will the Wises fire balls looked more like cabbages, and this connects to Mike at Will’s funeral. 

But anyways, green is a romantic colour and has queer implications as per when it was established in season one. 

Green’s going to come up a lot. It already has with Mike and Will, but now it’s being paralleled to other characters and their relationships. 

It’s becoming very clear, with the separation of Mike and El’s narrations and the obvious juxtaposition of them being shown one after the other, just what Mike and El are telling us. But first it had to be established that they were separate narrations. 

We know how Mike feels about Will. That’s been in the lighting the whole season, and in every scene with Mike and Will we can see it. 

The establishment of the lighting and Mike and Will,  is going to allow us to interpret scenes between other romantic relationships and implied romantic feelings. 

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 (To be edited)

[latetaektalk]

(road)tripping for you | jjk [preview]

“it was just supposed to be a roadtrip; your best friend, her boyfriend, his best friend, and you. but it gets a little more complicated (and a whole lot more awkward) when your best friend and her boyfriend have to drop out and you’re left to go on the trip with none other than jeon jungkook, a complete stranger. well, a complete stranger except for the fact that you hooked up two years ago.” 

— genre: roadtrip! AU, strangers to lovers! AU, only-one-bed! AU, summer! AU, fluff, a bit of angst

— pairing: jungkook x female reader 

— word count: estimated 25-30k, 614 for the preview

— warnings: cursing, light alcohol consumption, awkward situations, clichés 

— playlist: to be added

— a/n: a preview of my new jungkook oneshot for this summer !! super self indulgent and filled with every cliché and trope you can think of!! to be added to the taglist, shoot me a message/ask! oh, the release date might change. also huge thank you to miss lira @koocycle​​ again for listening to me talk abt this fic and also beta reading it!! she’s an absolute babe :(( ily so much

— coming monday, august 30th 2021

“What do you mean they aren’t coming?” 

He stares at you with huge eyes, doe eyes so big you think they’re about to fall out. One good slap on the back of his head and they’re out. You’re sure. 

You sigh and close your eyes, your jaw on the verge of breaking. Sooyoung’s dead.

“They just called me,” you hold up your phone as if you needed proof, “and well, turns out they’re out of town and stuck there because the railway companies went on strike.” 

You press your lips together. “They aren’t coming.”

Jungkook stares at you like you’ve just grown a second head, and you can’t blame him. It took you a number of “Wait, wait, wait, what?”s and “You’re kidding, right?”s to process this information too.

He presses his hand to his forehead. “So, what?” The knit between his brows deepen as he comes to the same realisation you came to just a few minutes prior, leading to you cursing out Sooyoung over the phone. “It’s just you and me? No Joon? No Soo?”

You reluctantly nod.

Jungkook blinks at you in total five times before he reacts again, his face morphing into something you can’t pinpoint. It’s something between worry and fear, you think.

“Can’t we go pick them up?” he suggests, a proposal you’ve already made.

“No,” you begin and look into the distance, repeating what Sooyoung told you over the phone. “The issue is that we already booked all of our hotels, so if we were to pick them up, our reservations would fall through. And no, they also don’t let you reschedule either. I guess that’s the service you get when you book the cheapest hotels possible.”

You can see Jungkook think, desperate to find a solution to this. You want to tell him that you’ve thought about it all already, that you don’t want to go on a roadtrip with just him either, but you refrain, pressing the tip of your tongue to the roof of your mouth.

He lets out a hollow chuckle when he comes up with no solution. The sound arises from the back of his throat. It’s meant to lighten the mood, you think. “Well, what fucking genius suggested booking our hotels beforehand?”

You let the question hang in the air for a moment, scrunching your nose and looking down to your shoes before answering, fingers fumbling in front of your stomach.

“I did.”

Jungkook quiets then. Maybe you should have bitten your tongue and not said it.

“Well, I mean,” he scrambles, “you couldn’t have known-”

“I mean it’s not just the hotels,” you interrupt, probably saving Jungkook from embarrassing himself further and possibly even insulting you again. “We also already rented the car.” You gesture behind him. “And Soo and Joon also don’t want to inconvenience us. They said they’d take the next train back and try to catch up with us somehow.”

He nods then. A prolonged silence stretches between you like gum, sticky and gross. You don’t look at him, and he doesn’t look at you. 

In the end, he speaks first again, clearing his throat. “So, uh, we’re going on this trip together then?”

You press your lips together and tuck a strand behind your ear, still refusing to meet his gaze. It’s almost ironic how good the weather is today, perfect for a roadtrip, a roadtrip you no longer want to go on.

“Unless you want your money to go to waste, yeah, seems like it.”

Jungkook stares at you, and then nods. You look down at your suitcase and put your hand on it. 

This is happening.

You heave out a long sigh.

coming monday, august 30th 2021

[t-lostinworlds]

sometimes i see people post regularly and update a series regularly and is so so quick to completing it or even just end up actually completing it. and as much as i do admire these people like wow. you guys are amazing. i also find that i beat myself up bc of it sometimes and i tell myself i should be doing the same or i keep questioning what i’m doing wrong as to why i can’t do what they’re doing. and tell myself why am i such a slow writer bc i can’t finish a series blah blah blah.

but then i look at how long each part of their series are word count wise. and i see that it’s around 1-3k with quite possibly 10-15 parts in total. or 5k+ each part with 5 parts. so either or, the total series word count would be roughly 20-30k. and then i look at some of my completed one shots and see a total of 18-22k words which i quite possibly finished in a month (or few) or even just a week. or some unfinished one shots sitting at 30k+ so by that logic, i’m basically already writing a series just in...one shot form.

i guess what i’m getting at is, there’s literally no point in trying to compare yourself to other writers because all our progress and the way we write are all just, well different. and even sometimes, the end result is the same, you just had a different route of getting there. and it doesn’t mean one is more hardworking or more driven than the other if that makes sense? like just bc others get to write series so often and you can only do one-shots doesn’t mean you’re lesser than them and vice versa. and to also like, commend yourself for any progress that you’ve made. you got to write 1k in one sitting? good job! wrote 20k in a few weeks? pat yourself on the back! got to finish a 10-part series? kudos to you! you got to add a couple words on your WIP today? that’s awesome! you managed to plan out the scope of a series? amazing, keep it up!

at the end of the day, progress is progress. and you should give yourself credit for that no matter how small the progress might seem at first.

[kindahoping4forever]

I Don’t Wanna Spend One More Christmas Without You // Poly!Cashton

@cal-puddies​​ and I want to thank everyone who read/liked/reblogged/left us feedback during our Hoe For The Hoe-lidays event. We keep saying we can’t believe we pulled this off: between our 10 solo fics and this co-write, we posted over 30k words this week! I’m proud of not only that impressive feat but also the work we produced, these have been some of my favorite pieces in recent memory.

We knew we wanted to close out with a Galaxybrain co-write but we weren’t sure which of our lanes to feed. We figured, hey it’s the season of giving: why not both? 😏 In true Cass & Crystal fashion, this started out with us just being thirsty (we wrote the smut first lmao) but ended up being super heartfelt and emotional? Please be sure and let us know what you think, we couldn’t be prouder of this one!

Warnings: Reader x Calum, Reader x Ashton, Calum x Ashton; a relatively new throuple trying to figure out how to express their feelings for one another, filth but make it fluffy, unprotected sex within a triad relationship, oral sex performed on both a male and a female, manual stimulation of both a male and a female, cum play 

Word Count: 9150

Cass & Crystal’s Masterlist  // Hoe For The Hoe-lidays Masterlist

Let  us  know  what  you  think!

“Food’s here,” a voice quietly announces with a rap on the door.

You turn to see Calum in your bedroom doorway, sheepishly mouthing ‘sorry’ when he realizes you’re on the phone. You step over to him and whisper, “I’m almost done, bub,” reassuring him with a quick peck on the lips.

A few minutes later, you follow the sounds of loud laughter and conversation to the living room; you smile when you see Ashton standing there, in the midst of an animated story while Cal sits on the couch, hanging on every word, laughing as if it’s the funniest thing he’s ever witnessed. You honestly wonder if maybe it is.

You bounce over behind Ash, throwing your arms around him, nuzzling his back; his leather jacket feels cold against your face so you assume he hasn’t been here long. “I didn’t know we were seeing you tonight,” you chirp.

He chuckles, slinging an arm around you. “I was texting with Cal when he was ordering dinner and it sounded good so I invited myself,” he explains, kissing your forehead.

“Bullshit, I absolutely invited you!” Cal insists, smiling eyes betraying his words of protest. You giggle at their banter and untangle yourself from Ash to serve yourself some dinner. Cal continues his teasing, “The food sounded good, just admit you missed us and move on.”

Ashton sits down on the couch next to Cal and nudges his knee tentatively with his own. “Of course I missed you,” he says simply. The two men exchange sweet, almost shy smiles and you feel your entire being light up with affection as you watch them.

It’d been four months since you and Ash had asked Calum to be a part of your relationship and while the three of you were still individually and collectively deciding exactly what all that means, you were happy and that’s all that mattered to you.

In the year and a half you were with Ashton, it was as intense and meaningful a relationship as you’d ever had - but it was never quite right and you’d split up a handful of times. During one of your “breaks” last year, a friend of a friend suggested that Cal might be the answer to your search for a new roommate. You met for coffee one day and immediately hit it off; you’d be lying if you said you didn’t quickly develop feelings for him but more than anything at that point, you needed a friend and Cal was there for you when it really counted.

It came as no surprise that when Ash started hanging around again, he bonded with Cal as instantly as you did and the three of you became inseparable. You and Ashton reconciled once again and couldn’t help but notice how much more communicative and at peace with each other you were with Calum around. It’s like he had been the missing piece all along, he made everything feel right - and you eventually told him as much.

Which is why you’re struggling so much with the bad news you have to deliver to your boyfriends. You sit on your living room floor, picking at your dinner, going over the dilemma in your mind for the 100th time, trying to find a different solution.

“Darlin’?” Cal’s gentle but firm voice shakes you out of your thoughts and you look up blankly. “Ash asked if you wanted another soda.”

You blink a few times, as if that will reset your mind and bring clarity. “Oh. No thank you, love, I’m good!” You call out towards the kitchen.

“You feelin’ OK?” Cal asks, reaching across the coffee table to stroke your arm. “We’ve been talking about this food all day and you’ve barely touched it.”

You look into his dark eyes, full of care and concern and know you have to be honest with him. “I need to talk to you both about Christmas… it’s not great,” you admit.

Ashton searches your face as he sits back down. “Is your mom alright?” He gently asks, remembering a health scare your family was dealing with when he went home with you last winter.

You offer him a faint, loving smile. “Everyone’s fine… great, even. Uh… my sister is getting engaged,” you share, chewing your lip.

“Oh! ...Oh,” he responds, starting to understand the issue.

Calum looks between the two of you, baffled. “I don’t understand, why is that bad? I thought we liked her boyfriend?”

“We do,” you start, carefully. “It’s just… With this news in mind, I don’t know if it’s really the right time to tell everyone about our relationship now.” You can’t bring yourself to look in Cal’s eyes yet, not wanting to see if he’s as hurt as you fear he may be.

He sits back on the couch, trying to process. “I thought you said your parents would be super understanding and chill about us?”

Ash sees you struggling to find the words so he tries to help. “They would be. They will be,” he reassures Cal with a warm smile. “I think the concern is that an engagement might seem kind of mundane compared to an announcement like ours. What’s more exciting than a daughter bringing home one son in law? How about the other daughter bringing home two?”

“They’d spend the whole time doting on us, making sure we’re comfortable, Facebooking all the extended family who’s coming to visit to make sure no one says anything that might offend us… her moment would get totally overshadowed,” you explain. “And I’d hate that, this is a big deal, she deserves to be The Story.”

Calum listens intently, nodding. You finally catch his gaze and are relieved to see nothing but understanding and compassion on his face. “OK. Well, wouldn't it be better if I just didn’t go at all then?” He offers sincerely.

Your exclamation of “Bubba, no!” blends with Ashton’s soft sigh of “Cal…” and you all have to laugh at the outburst.

"That's not me trying to be dramatic or anything, I just don't want to cause any trouble," he shrugs.

You scoot around to come sit next to the couch. "I've really been looking forward to us spending our first Christmas together," you insist, squeezing Cal's knee. "If you're uncomfortable with coming under these circumstances, I understand but for what it's worth, I would like you there."

Ash places his hand on top of yours, reassuring Calum as well. "The family's already expecting you, just as a roommate," he points out. "Plus… trying to keep our secret could be kind of fun." He winks at Cal, who can't resist breaking into a wide grin.

Your “fun” holiday couldn’t be off to a worse start the next morning when Ashton arrives bright and early to pick you and Cal up only to find you still in your pajamas, rushing to finish getting your bags together. After a few minutes of Ash stomping around, huffing about getting a late start, Cal, peacemaker that he is, offers to help him pack the car while you finish up.

You meet them in the driveway a few minutes later, dragging your suitcase behind you. Ash promptly snatches it away from you without a word and you glare at him fiercely.

Calum appears at your side and holds you by the waist. “You can’t blame him for being irritated,” he says quietly, rubbing your arm. “You knew what time he was coming, you should have been packed.”

“Yeah… but,” you start.

Cal is already shaking his head. “No, darlin’, there’s no excuse. We had a plan, you should have been ready.”

“See!” Ashton says, coming up beside the two of you.

“Well, you don’t get to gloat, babe, you could have handled it better,” Cal chides.

“I don’t like it when you don’t pick sides,” Ash says, coming over to peck Cal’s cheek. He presses his lips to the top of your head. “I’m sorry I was a grouch.”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t ready and delayed us 15 whole minutes,” you reply.

Cal pinches your hip. “Passive aggressive much?”

Ash shrugs at you. “It’s coming out of your breakfast time. It’s a 6 hour drive, love.”

“I’m aware, love,” you fire back, helping yourself into the back seat. He sighs as you pull the hood up on your sweatshirt and stuff your hands in the pocket.

Ash huffs as he shuts your door. Cal gently grabs his arm. “Give her a few minutes. We’ll make breakfast quick, coffee and bagels; smother hers in cream cheese, get some caffeine in her and she’ll forgive you,” he reassures.

His prediction is spot on and by the time you’re halfway through your cup of coffee, you’re leaning into the front seat to run your fingers through both of your boyfriends’ hair. “I’m so glad I get to take you both home with me,” you say warmly. “I’m sorry it can’t be exactly what we wanted, but I know it’ll still be special, because we’ll be together.”

The rest of the drive goes smoothly and when you arrive at your parents’ house, the family is waiting at the door for you; after introducing Calum, you’re immediately whisked away by your sister, gushing about the recent trip her boyfriend took her on for their anniversary. You listen quietly and hope your smile doesn’t give anything away, you love that she has no idea what’s coming in a few days.

Your dad loves Ashton and couldn’t be more thrilled that you brought him home again; he offers to help him unload the car and makes a big show of pointing out how similar their leather jackets are, going so far as to make a “like father, like son” joke.

You sneak a few apologetic glances over at Calum, who you hope isn’t feeling too left out in his role of “your roommate” as he makes small talk with your sister’s boyfriend. You feel endlessly grateful for your mother when you see her sit down and start showing Cal all the gourmet vegetarian recipes she’s bookmarked on her iPad, asking what he’d prefer for Christmas dinner; she’s clearly charmed by his shyly polite responses and you fight the urge to go over and kiss over his squishy, crinkly face as her attention continues to make him more smiley and flustered.

While your mom and sister set the table for dinner, your dad and Ash carry the luggage to your respective rooms for you to get settled; you take advantage of the opportunity to break away and check in with Cal, under the guise of showing him the trick to operating the shower in the guest bathroom.

You turn the overhead fan on to help drown out your conversation. “You doin’ OK, bub?” You ask, massaging his shoulders.

He squeezes your hip. “It was hard at first but your mom’s sweet,” he gives you a sad smile. “Guess I didn’t realize how weird it’d be to see you and Ash act like a couple again, since I’m used to seeing you be… whatever we are.”

“The best thing that’s ever happened to me, that’s what we are,” you easily respond, drawing him in for a quick, soft kiss.

He holds you by the hips, resting his forehead to yours. “Thank you,” he murmurs. “You better get out of here before people get suspicious.” He presses his lips to your forehead and you step out of the bathroom, shutting the door behind you.

You spend the next few days trying to make sure Calum doesn’t feel left out. Your dad invites him to join some of the “future son in law” activities he’d planned but Cal is easily swayed to stay with your mom and help around the house. His height and muscle mass are highly desired for decorating or carrying in groceries and he’s so sweet and well-mannered, your mom is just tickled to have him around. If you didn’t know any better, you’d think she had a crush on him.

The day before Christmas Eve, Cal agrees to join the men for lunch and last minute shopping; your mom encouraged him to go because she wanted to make a secret shopping trip with you so you could pick out a few gifts for the family to give him so he didn’t get left out.

From what Ashton tells you when they return, the outing seemed to go well; you chatted with Cal a little that evening and he seemed to be in good spirits, happy with how things had turned out. But you can still sense him needing the affection you haven’t been able to provide; aside from a stolen kiss here and there, you’d barely touched him since you arrived and he and Ash had been keeping their distance so as not to raise eyebrows. What weighs on you most is knowing Calum hadn’t slept alone since the three of you became the three of you and you can see it wearing on him.

Ashton climbs in bed next to you. “Love… who’re you texting?” He asks, already knowing the answer.

“I just want to make sure he’s OK,” you say sheepishly.

“He’s fine, love,” he murmurs, kissing your cheek, then letting his lips trail down to your neck. “You’ve said he’s had fun with you and your mom and I saw him have a great day today. He’s good… now, me on the other hand? I could use some attention.” His lips firmly attach to your jaw and he’s practically laid himself on top of you, hovering.

You giggle at his lack of subtlety. “When do you not want attention?” You tease, pulling him into a hungry kiss. “I’ve been missing you too, Ash. I’m sorry I haven’t been here for you much, I’ve just been worried about how Cal’s handling things and I love my family but being around them is kind of draining…”

He cuts you off with a sweet kiss. “I know, baby… ‘s why I thought we could use a little stress relief,” he flirts, leaning in to mouth at that spot behind your ear that makes you crazy.

You hum with interest and brush his hair off his forehead. “We’d have to be quiet, we can’t have another incident like last year,” you say with a smirk.

Ash pulls back to playfully glare at you. “We’ve gone over this, technically that noise I made was your fault. If you hadn’t done that thing with your tongue, I wouldn’t have cum so suddenly and the incident would’ve been avoided,” he argues, tickling your side.

You try fighting him off to no avail. “My sister did think it was pretty funny… after the initial horror wore off,” you giggle, batting at his hands, trying to get him to let up.

After another minute or so of play fighting, you “win” by wrapping your legs around Ashton’s body and using them to draw him back over you. He kisses you with a little more emotion behind it than last time, pulling away to whisper, “I’m very happy I get to be here with you.” Your stomach flips at his sincerity and you wrap your arms around his neck, letting your kisses tell him how much you appreciate him.

Things start to heat up and Ash’s hands slide up your sweatshirt and over your hips; his hands are slow to tease you the way they usually do and when you rock against him, you’re slightly surprised you don’t feel him straining against his sweatpants yet. Your fingers travel under his long sleeve tee and dance over his abs to meet his waistband. You’re just about to dip your hand in when he stops you.

“Does this feel weird to you? This feels weird to me,” he sighs, flopping over onto his back beside you. He runs his hand through his long, dark hair, distressed. “Why does this feel weird to me?”

You roll onto your side, curling up next to him. “Well… we haven’t been intimate together, just the two of us, since Cal happened,” you say gently, stroking softly at his chest. “Do you think maybe you miss him being with us?”

“Yeahhhhh, I think so…” He lets out a long exhale, playing with your hand on him. “I just… it’s silly, you and me had sex a million times before we met him and now… I pull away from you and expect to see his eyes smiling at me while he kisses your shoulders. Expect to feel your skin already warm from his touch… expect to feel him warm next to me. Want it, even.”

“Ash,” you pout, touched by how he’s opening up to you, how open he’s being with himself about his feelings for Calum. “It’s not silly, you care about him. It’s not that you and I are suddenly uncomfortable with each other, it’s just that we’re used to more than this now. Need it, even.”

You rest your head on his chest and lay together, quiet and understanding while you both evaluate your feelings. After a while, you decide to lighten the mood, lifting your head up to tease, “A million times, eh?”

Ashton laughs loudly, clamping his hand over his mouth to muffle the noise. A beat passes and he meets your eyes for the first time since this conversation started, giving you an almost shy smile. “Think we could slip him in here undetected?”

You grin at him as you reach for your phone. “I don’t think the three of us would be able to keep it down, so no funny business,” you warn, texting your boyfriend. “But at the very least, we’ll get some alone time, even for a few minutes.”

Ash gets up and cracks the door, waiting for Cal to make his way down the hall; when he appears in the doorway, you see Ashton’s shoulders instantly relax. He gently closes the door behind him and wraps Calum in a tight, warm embrace; you can’t tell what Ash murmurs in his ear but whatever it is, it casts a soft, lovestruck glow across Cal’s features when he hears it.

His eyes meet yours and you open your arms wide. “Come lay with us, bubba,” you invite him.

“But…” He motions to the door, looking unsure.

Ash shrugs, “We can say we’re watching a movie.” He rests his chin on Cal’s shoulder from behind. “What do you say, babe? We miss you.”

Calum relaxes, gently reaching up to scratch at Ash’s scruff. He moves toward the bed but clearly doesn’t know what to do.

“Lay next to me, bub!” You smile, patting the bed next to you.

Ash lets a soft smile cross his face. “Why don’t you get in the middle?” He suggests.

Cal lays next to you and you instantly snuggle into him, throwing your arm across his body while Ash settles in on his other side. Cal wraps his arm around you and kisses your forehead; you look up with a pout and he presses his lips to yours. He pulls away from you when he feels Ashton nuzzle his cheek; Ash looks at him lovingly and gently plants a chaste kiss on his lips.

“Thought we were cuddling, lovers,” Cal whispers against his mouth.

“We are… just wanted to give you affection too,” Ash murmurs.

The three of you lay quietly for a while, Ash’s head next to Cal’s on the pillow and you draped across Cal’s body. His arm is tight around your back while he and Ash shyly play with each other’s fingers.

Ash looks over at you and you watch as his eyes take you in. “Our girlfriend sure is beautiful, isn’t she, Cal?” He whispers, lips gently pressing to Cal’s jaw.

“Gorgeous,” he agrees, turning his eyes to you, sweeping your hair back. Ash leans in to you first for a kiss, with Cal wanting one right after. You sigh, scooting up so you can rest your head in the crook of Cal’s neck, and let yourself drift to sleep. Calum knows immediately, he’s felt your even breath on his neck many times.

“She sleeps so easy with you,” Ash comments, brushing his fingers against Cal’s for the umpteenth time. Cal finally laces his fingers with Ashton’s, looking over at him. They stare at each other for a few moments before Ash speaks again. “I’m so glad you decided to come with us after all… I know it’s not perfect and not what we talked about, but I don’t think either of us would enjoy this without you.”

“I’m really happy to be here,” Cal responds quietly, squeezing Ash’s hand and your sleeping body gently. “I was definitely missing all of this though... thanks for bringing me in tonight.”

“We needed you,” Ash confesses, a faint blush coloring his cheeks. “Weird when you're not here now.”

Calum turns his face toward Ashton’s, nuzzling in and enjoying the warmth of his boyfriend, his rough hand wrapped with his; he grins against Ash’s cheek and Ash responds with a kiss to his forehead.

Cal stays, wrapped in the both of you, for another 45 minutes before the men agree it’s time to call it a night. He tries his best not to wake you as he slips out of bed but he fails, leading to an extra 15 minutes of your soft whines and insistence that he stay. He finally leaves you with a passionate kiss and a kiss on the cheek for Ash.

The next day, Christmas Eve, goes by fast. Various family and friends are in and out of the house all day, stopping by to share their holiday greetings. Continuing your family’s tradition, the men head out in the afternoon to pick out and haul home a Christmas tree and after dinner, you all decorate it together.

Like you’ve done since you were kids, the lights in the living room get turned off for a dramatic “reveal” of the lit and decorated tree when you’re all finished. The multi-colored lights get plugged in and brighten up the room, illuminating your sister’s boyfriend down on one knee. You squeeze Ashton’s hand and subtly brush your pinky down the back of Calum’s hand. Her “moment” is perfect and you silently thank your boyfriends with your eyes for understanding why you wanted this for her.

After some dessert and celebratory cocktails, everyone is exhausted but happy to be together. Your dad gets a fire going and your sister puts on the old Rudolph special you loved as kids; you plop yourself in Ashton's lap on the couch, with Cal sitting close by, close enough for you to keep throwing him little glances undetected. You know it must’ve been hard for him to go back to bed alone after the time you spent together last night and even harder today, having to watch you and Ash continually couple up and be gushed over by your holiday visitors.

Halfway through the show, your dad starts snoring so Mom decides it’s time for them to head up to bed. Your sister and her fiancée make it through to the end of the show but when you suggest following it up with Frosty The Snowman, they decline and tell you and the guys goodnight.

After such a long day, filled with so much unspoken emotion, it's surprising how quiet the three of you are now that you're alone. Sitting with your men in a room lit only by the warm glow of the fire and the soft colored lights of the tree - this was the type of scene you imagined when you envisioned your first Christmas together. But the feeling's not quite right.

You peck Ashton on the cheek before sliding off his lap, moving to sit on the other side of Calum, putting him in the middle of you and Ash. You run a hand through his hair, tentatively at first, just in case everyone in the house isn't quite settled yet. "How are you, bub?" You ask softly.

He closes his eyes, leaning into your touch and you feel your heart both swell and break a little at how badly he was clearly needing your affection. "Good. Tired. Happy I can finally do this," he replies, leaning in to give you a short but needy kiss.

When he pulls back, he grabs your hand out of his hair and brings it up to his lips for a kiss; he waits a beat then reaches for Ash’s hand and kisses it as well. “Missed you too, bub,” you murmur with a smile.  

Ash looks at both of you, adoration in his eyes. You recognize that look on his face, the one that means he’s searching for the right words, trying to line up his emotions with his nervous tongue.  

You squeeze his other hand that’s resting on the back of the couch behind Cal, sensing he needs encouragement and he glances at you, grateful.

"We both missed you, Cal,” he starts, shaking his head as he decides to go all in. “I’ve missed you, is what I mean actually. Not being able to have you close the past few days has me realizing how much closer I would like you to be."

He cups Cal’s face, stroking gently with his thumb while he waits for his words to sink in and his nerves to settle. He inches forward and gently kisses him; it’s brief but Ash is purposeful in the way their lips slot together. When he gets bold and slips in his tongue, Cal visibly tenses and Ash pulls away gracefully, not wanting to push.

You stop yourself from obviously reacting but your heart feels like it might burst out of your chest. You've watched them both struggle to navigate their feelings for each other over the past four months and you couldn't be happier to see at least Ashton take a step towards clarity. You gently rest your palm on top of their intertwined hands and squeeze twice; a supportive one for Ash and a reassuring one for Cal.

Cal, dazed, turns to look at you briefly before his eyes briefly widen as if a light bulb has gone off. He grabs Ash’s neck to pull him in for another kiss, this one more desperate, with daring tongue and teeth.

You quietly pull your hand off theirs, not wanting to intrude on the intimacy of their moment. You can't deny that witnessing their hunger for each other has you feeling needy yourself but you know how important this exploration is for them, how important it is for the three of you, so you patiently sit and watch.

They eventually pull away from each other, panting. You see them exchange a look of some sort and then Calum is reaching for you; he kisses you feverishly while lifting you over his lap and fitting you in between him and Ash. His lips move down to your neck and suddenly Ashton's tongue is slowly tangling with yours; you can tell by his kiss he's still in his feelings and you do your best to match his energy, letting him know you're there for him.

You break apart, one of your hands in each of your boyfriends' hair. You all look back and forth between each other and quietly laugh, ecstatic to be alone together and ready to take advantage of this opportunity.

Ashton gives you another lingering kiss, massaging your breast over your sweater before pulling away and immediately drawing Calum in for a kiss; they sit up on their knees, making out over you and you watch how they lose themselves in it, yet keep their hands occupied in each other's hair, almost as if they're unsure if they should go further. They each let out a quiet groan and you note the tents forming in both of their pants; you decide to help them out and reach to palm their straining cocks while they kiss.

It surprises Ashton more than Cal; he stops their kiss to look down at you. He runs a hand over your face and smiles at you briefly before his mouth is back on Cal’s.

You turn toward Calum, gently lifting his shirt and kissing on his stomach. He lets out an appreciative moan for your touch and you take that cue to unzip his pants; he eagerly cooperates in helping you pull him out of his boxers.

“Oh god,” he moans against Ash’s mouth as you use yours to slick him up before stroking your hand over his now wet cock. You’ve missed him: his sounds, his taste, the way he feels against your skin, the way he appreciates you and the attention you give him. You press sloppy kisses to his length, grinning to yourself as precum beads at his tip, moving to kitten lick at it.

Ashton gently tugs on your hair, wanting attention for himself. You continue rubbing over his bulge, adding in a few squeezes, buying yourself a little more time with Calum. You finally pull off and look up at your boyfriends, still lost in each other, though Cal steals a glance down at you while Ash’s lips are pressed to his jaw. He gives you a little grin and pushes his hand under Ash’s shirt.

You notice Ash falter for a second in reaction to Cal touching him that way but he quickly recovers from his hesitation, moaning quietly and tucking a hand in your hair. You pull at the button on his pants, taking his cock out and slicking him up as well; you swirl your tongue around the head, enjoying the soft groans you hear coming from him, thrilled that you're not sure if they're being caused by you or Cal. You notice that his hand has left you and has begun unbuttoning Cal's shirt; Calum reaches down and yanks at the shoulder of your sweater, gesturing for you to take it off.

Ash quietly sighs at the loss of your mouth but is quickly distracted by kissing over Cal's now exposed chest; you pull your sweater over your head and tug your leggings down while you're at it, leaving you in your bra and panties. You give a small whimper of relief as you press your thighs together before reaching for the cocks on either side of you, shiny and red, begging for your attention. You stroke them both evenly and firmly, watching with pride as their expressions change in response to your actions.

Calum is the first to glance at you and notice your new state of undress. "Fuck, darlin', look at you," he rasps, leaning down to kiss you, sneaking his fingers inside your bra to play with a nipple. "Look so pretty under all these lights." Cal smiles against your lips as he feels Ash's hand stroke through his hair while he kisses you.

Ashton pulls his own shirt off and then his hand snakes between your legs, tracing over the front of the lacy, damp material. "Mmm, so wet for us, baby,” he teases lowly, dipping his fingers underneath your panties to tap lightly at your clit. “Think you’ll be able to keep quiet if we decide to do anything about it?” Cal groans as he sucks just below your earlobe; he loves how responsive you are when Ash taunts you like this.

Proving his point, you let out a whine before quickly biting your lip to fight back any other sounds that might come out. Ash chuckles, suddenly rubbing hard and fast at your clit just to see how much restraint you have. You screw your eyes shut, determined to remain silent. “You’re one to talk, most of the noises I’ve heard tonight have come from your mouth, love,” you point out once you catch your breath. You squeeze his cock and he breathes out a deep moan, proving your point.

Cal chuckles at the exchange and Ash shoots him a glare, pulling him back over to him. “Laugh it up,” he smirks, kissing his neck to distract from his hand traveling to thumb over Cal’s nipple; Cal loudly gasps, body rigidly jolting like he’s been struck by lightning. He grabs Ash’s face with both hands and muffles his moans with an intense kiss.

You turn your focus back to Ash’s cock, knowing Calum is already dealing with a lot of stimulation from the nipple play. You bob your mouth on him a couple times, just because you feel like it and then work on building a steady rhythm with your hand. You bite back another moan when Cal’s hand moves down to cover yours, essentially helping you jerk Ashton off.

Despite their obvious attraction, your boyfriends have never gone beyond the occasional kiss during sex with you so tonight had already been a big step for them. You look up and see Cal, Ash’s lips firmly attached to his neck, looking curious but confident as he watches his hand move with yours. Your eyes meet and you nod, understanding; you drop your hand from Ash’s cock, leaning back to watch Cal seamlessly take over, continuing with the rhythm you started.

Ashton immediately reacts to the difference in touch: the unknown grip, the new sensation of rough calluses running over his shaft, the unfamiliar feeling of a hand much larger than yours stroking him. “Cal,” he shakily breathes, pulling back to look at him.

“Is this alright?” Calum whispers, hoping the quietness of his voice will mask his nervousness.

Ash closes his eyes and leans his forehead against Cal’s, breathing deep, trying to ground himself, trying to process all the thoughts and emotions swirling in his brain right now.

“Don’t stop,” he states with certainty.

Cal’s hand swipes over the tip of Ashton’s cock, spreading around the precum he’s coaxed out, expertly keeping with the established rhythm. You watched Ash’s expression change from confusion to curiosity and now you see it switch to the confidence you’re used to seeing from him, especially in the bedroom; you see his hand fidgeting at his side moments before he clenches his jaw and reaches out to touch Calum’s cock. His strokes aren’t nearly as precise or measured as Cal’s are but his boyfriend doesn’t seem to mind; Cal lets out a throaty sigh of his name and you swear it’s the most erotic thing you’ve witnessed yet.

The men lock their mouths into another heated kiss while they continue to explore pleasuring each other; with them distracted, you slide yourself up and off the couch, moving down to the floor to give them some space and to give you some space to spread out and really enjoy the sight before you. You tug at your nipples like Cal would and slide your hand down your stomach and into your panties to swirl your clit like Ash would. You miss their touch but you’re more than happy to wait your turn for it this time.

Your eyes don’t leave them for a second as you make slow, careful work of pleasing yourself. You watch as Ash boldly tugs at Cal’s jeans, trying to pull them down more; he gets them just below his ass and his free hand grips it tightly. You let out a little moan and Ashton reaches his hand out for you, finally realizing you’re no longer between them.

They pull out of their own little world, searching for you. Calum spots you on the ground first. “What’re you doin’ down there, darlin’?” He teases, moving down next to you.

You press a quick kiss to his lips while he undoes your bra; he quickly moves his mouth down to your tits, lavishing your nipples with much needed attention. “Just enjoying the show,” you confess, looking directly at Ash.

Ash moves from the couch, grabbing a blanket to lay in front of the fireplace. He discards his jeans before beckoning the two of you over to join him. You both crawl over to the blanket and before you get settled, Ash helps your boyfriend out of the rest of his clothes. He wraps a hand around Calum’s cock; he pauses to look at you briefly and then back over to the beautiful man naked in front of him. His tongue darts out of his mouth and before any of you can process it, he’s licking the tip of Cal’s cock.

“Oh,” Cal moans, tucking his fingers into Ash’s hair. Ashton, feeling emboldened by that response, wraps his lips around the head, continuing to test the waters. “Yeah,” Cal mutters. “That… that’s good.”

Ash’s other hand pushes up your thigh and you interlace your fingers with his. You watch as he tests circling his tongue around the tip before pulling back to turn his attention to you. He pulls your panties down, kissing your thighs and up over your lips, letting his tongue spread them so he can tease your clit. He pulls up as Calum settles in next to him, wasting no time in getting his turn at flicking his tongue over your clit.

“Been so good for us, think it’s time we repay you,” Ash murmurs, kissing up to your hip. He watches you tangle your fingers in Cal’s hair and groans when you do the same to him. His hand travels down between your thighs and he pushes two fingers into you. “Cal’s tongue feel good for you?”

You bite your lip, trying to hold in a moan. “Yes, love.”

Cal continues working over your clit while his hand reaches up your body, giving attention to your nipples once again; Ashton’s fingers continue pumping inside you, mouth settled against your jaw, unceasingly affirming his and Cal’s affection for you.

“So patient tonight, love,” he whispers, mouthing along your neck, careful not to leave any marks. “Lettin’ me and Cal play while you’re over here so wet and needy.”

You take a deep breath, overwhelmed at all of the sudden attention. “Wanted it for you, could tell you both needed it,” you admit, digging your nails into Ash’s arm as Cal’s lips enclose your clit and start sucking. “Didn’t mind watching either.”

Ashton grins and plants a sloppy kiss on you; he pulls away to lean down and run his hand softly through Cal’s hair before pulling him up from between your legs to kiss him passionately. Both men groan at the realization that Ash can taste your arousal on Cal’s lips; Ashton takes it a step further and removes his hand from your pussy, sinking his drenched fingers into Calum’s mouth. Cal hollows his cheeks and sucks Ash’s fingers deep into his mouth, swirling his tongue around them, bobbing back and forth on them, wondering when he’ll get to give Ashton’s cock the same treatment.

For what feels like the hundredth time tonight, your jaw drops at the erotic sight before you and you reach out for one or both of your boyfriends to tend to you. Your head lolls back as you whine, “Please... babes… I need you so bad.”

Calum promptly pulls his mouth away with a lewd pop and lays on his side next to you. “Need you too, darlin’, you have no idea,” he murmurs as he grabs your hip, easily turning you to your side and slinging your leg over him. “Can’t remember the last time I went this long without having you.” He takes his cock in hand, running it up and down to coat it with your wetness before easing himself inside you, silencing your soft, relieved exhale with a kiss.

Cal softly rocks into you, sucking gently at your bottom lip, stroking your hair back with his hand; you feel Ashton lay down behind you and begin running his fingers down your back, quietly showing you his care while respecting the moment you and Cal are having, much like you respected their time together.

Your hand moves down to grab Cal’s ass, attempting to bring him even closer to you; you feel his muscles tensing and flexing under your hold as he pumps inside you and you bury your face in his chest to keep from crying out. You hear the slick sound of Ash’s hand working his cock as he watches you two together and you reach for him, wanting him near.

“I’m here, love,” he reassures you, nibbling at your ear, massaging over your breast. “You two look so fuckin’ good together, couldn’t help myself.” He extends his arm, reaching to squeeze Cal’s bicep.

Your hand searches behind you until it finds Ashton’s cock, throbbing against your ass; you give it a squeeze and he whimpers into your skin.

“Ash needin’ you too, baby?” Calum asks, voice scratchy with desire. “Know you’re gonna make him feel so good, just like you’re doin’ for me.” He gives you a couple more slow thrusts before he pulls out and helps you onto your other side where Ashton lays waiting.

You smile hazily at Ash as he lifts your leg over his hip and taps his cock against your clit. “So generous with your body, love,” he praises you, hissing as he slides into your wet heat. “Treatin’ us both so good tonight, thank you, baby.”

You caress his cheek as he starts slowly thrusting into you; you press your lips to his and you both lose yourselves in a slow, intimate kiss. Calum hangs back, watching you two communicate what you need to; when Ash breaks the kiss to moan into your mouth, Cal reaches over and begins to play with your breasts.

Ashton’s large hand grips your ass to pull you closer, getting a deeper angle that has you seeing stars. You twist your upper body toward Cal and he kisses you briefly before moving his lips back to your nipples. You push your hand down his body to find his cock, getting in a few strokes before he stops you. “Trust me, darlin’, I’m not needing any help right now.” His hand slips down your body to rub soft circles on your clit. “Let us focus on you.”

“Babes,” you sigh in the form of a soft moan, raspy as it leaves your lips. The sound is so sensual it causes Ash’s hips to lose rhythm and he lets go of your ass, giving a few shallow thrusts before pulling out.

“You gotta take Cal, baby, I need a minute,” he pants, clearly on the edge of losing it. He nuzzles his nose against yours, helping you turn back to your other boyfriend.

“Hey, darlin’,” Cal coos, grinning as he enters you again. You immediately pull him as close as possible.

“Want you both close,” you announce, looking over your shoulder at Ash. He scoots in against your back, kissing over your shoulders. You sigh, “Thank you.”

You give Ashton a short kiss before turning to press your face into Calum’s chest as he works his hips a little faster, harder. You feel a moan reverberating in Cal’s chest but it’s muffled when it spills from his lips; you look up to see him kissing Ash hungrily.

You moan, getting lost in your own world, letting Cal have your body, feeling his body on yours, Ashton’s body at your back, the strength in their frames as you lay between them.

Calum pulls out and turns you back towards Ash. Ashton is still breathing heavy and his kisses are needy, almost frantic, as he pushes into you. “I’m sorry, love, I’m s’close,” he chokes out. “Between you and Cal…”

You cut him off with a kiss. “Nothin’ to apologize for, love,” you murmur. “Want you to cum for me.”

His fingers dig in and hold on to your ass hard, pulling you tight against his body. “Cum for us, Ash,” Calum whispers as he slides his hand down to grip Ashton’s ass, causing Ash’s hips to stutter and jolt against you. You watch Ash pull on Cal’s neck so he can sink his teeth into Cal’s plump lower lip as he spills his cum into you, shuddering in your arms. You let out a loud moan and you all hold your breath waiting to see if it’s woken anyone up.

Once Ash comes down, he tenderly kisses you. “Love,” he murmurs. You give him a few more sweet kisses before you feel Calum’s eager fingers on your skin.

Ashton helps turn you around and his lips shower your shoulders and neck with affection as Cal sinks into you. He groans at the new sensation of Ash’s hot cum surrounding his cock, making you feel even more wet and warm to him.

Ash pushes his hand between your bodies and starts rubbing your clit in time with Cal’s thrusts. “It’s your turn, love, been so good and selfless tonight. Let Cal feel you cum,” he coaxes. “Look at you, look at Cal, look at how good you feel to our boyfriend.”

Cal’s eyes are screwed shut, his lip between his teeth as he tries to hold in any noises. “Calum,” you moan softly. His eyes open to find yours and you lean in for a feverish kiss, a kiss that becomes all tongue as you work your body against him.

Ashton mutters “Fuck” behind you and Cal lets out a guttural moan as you start to squeeze around his cock. You whine helplessly, “I’m cumming.”

“I feel that… let it go,” Cal encourages. You press your face into his chest to quiet yourself and without thinking you start biting and sucking his skin. Ash keeps rubbing your clit through your orgasm until you gently push his hand away, too sensitive to let him continue.

When Ash pulls his fingers up, it’s immediately noticeable they’re covered in both your arousal and his cum that leaked out of you. As soon as that registers to Calum, he grabs for Ash’s hand and takes his fingers into his mouth again, cleaning and sucking them like before. Once he’s done, Ashton takes the opportunity to explore a little more, pumping his fingers, treating Cal’s mouth like he does your pussy.

You shift yourself slightly back, leaning more into Ash so you can watch Calum come undone. You feel his hips continue to drive his cock into you as you watch the obscene way Ash fingers his mouth. You could almost cum again from the visual alone.

“Gonna cum for us, baby?” You breathe, out of your mind with desire. Cal glances at you with a question in his eyes but you answer it before he has a chance to ask. “It’s OK, I want you to.”

Ashton pulls his fingers from Cal’s mouth and pushes your bodies tighter together. He wraps his hand around the back of Cal’s neck, thumb caressing his cheek. “Need you to cum for us, handsome.” And that seems to do it for him. Cal’s hips falter and he clings to you, groaning deeply as he pumps you with cum. It’s the first time you’ve ever let him cum in you and it couldn’t feel more right. His body is tense for a few more moments and then he relaxes, first pressing his lips to yours and then to Ashton’s.

“You’re gonna make a mess,” he chuckles as he gently pulls out.

“We’ve got plenty we can clean her up with,” Ash shrugs.

Cal considers that point and sits up, lifting your thigh to watch in awe as his cum - at least he assumes it’s his - starts to leak out of you. “Incredible,” he murmurs, leaning in, pressing kisses along your thigh.

Ashton sits up to join him and his eyes ping pong back and forth between watching you drip and watching Cal’s reaction to it. He swirls his fingers in the cum that’s now pooling on your thigh. He pulls back a little, drawing your and Cal’s attention. You watch in shock as he pushes his fingers into his mouth, tasting all three of you together. He moans and repeats the action, only this time, pulling Calum in for a kiss, sharing the taste with him.

They break apart and the three of you smile at each other, basking in the intimacy of everything that’s just happened. Cal lays down next to you, stroking over your hair as Ash reaches for his shirt and cleans between your thighs. When he’s done, he curls up next to you and Cal kisses him and then you. “So lucky to have you both,” Cal murmurs.

“We’re the lucky ones,” Ash smiles, grabbing Cal’s hand, interlacing their fingers and letting them rest on your hip.

“I hate that you have to go to bed alone after this,” you pout, kissing on Calum’s jaw.

“I’ll be just fine, this was worth it. Thank you both,” he whispers sincerely. He squeezes Ash’s hand and kisses your forehead.

You’re practically asleep, warm and naked, feeling safe with your loves when they finally decide it’s time for bed. The guys quickly pull their clothes back on and help you into yours. Ash takes the blanket to the laundry room while you put out the fire and turn off the Christmas tree lights. You hold their hands as you navigate the dark house, pulling them up the stairs.

You stop at the guest room to say goodnight to Cal. “You should come to bed with us,” you whisper.

Calum smiles at you but shakes his head. “I think we’ve already pushed our luck quite a bit tonight, darlin’.” He looks to Ash for backup.

“Your sister got her perfect engagement, we pulled off the world’s quietest threesome… we should take the win,” Ashton chuckles quietly.

You pout but know they’re right. Cal pulls you into him by your hips and kisses you, slow but passionate. “Get to bed, darlin’.”

You walk to your room and stand in the doorway, waiting for Ashton. You smile as you watch your boyfriends flirt, easily the most comfortable they’ve ever been with each other. Ash actively reaches out to pull Cal into a kiss and you decide it’s a moment for them; you lay in bed and close your eyes, letting the memories of the evening wash over you, filling you with warmth and contentment.

Ashton quietly enters the room, unsure if you’re awake; you feel the bed shift as he climbs in and you turn over to gaze at him dreamily. “How you feelin’, love?” You ask, carefully, wanting to encourage him to share with you without seeming like you’re pressing.

He lays on his side and gives you a loving, appreciative look. “Happy. Excited. Very, very grateful to have someone like you by my side,” he reflects, gently tracing where your t-shirt has lifted to expose your hip. “I know it’s taken me a while to kind of figure out what I need from this relationship… even back when it was just us, honestly. You’ve just always been so patient and open with me and I hope I’ve made clear how much I appreciate that. And you.”

You scoot in closer, resting your head on his pillow, your face inches from his. “Even before Cal happened, I’ve only ever wanted you to be happy, Ash. With me, without me… with me with someone else…” You both giggle and you peck his lips sweetly. “I’m glad you’re finding your place in all this. And I’m happy to do whatever I can to help you find it.”

You know it takes a lot for Ashton to share with you like this and you savor it when it happens. You lay yourself on his chest and he strokes your hair as you quietly talk some more. You’re starting to drift off to sleep when you hear your phone buzz on the nightstand. You look up at Ash, concerned, before reaching for it.

“It’s Cal, asking if we’re awake?” You shrug, quickly responding that you are.

Seconds later, your bedroom door slowly opens and Calum carefully closes it behind him. Unlike the previous night, he doesn’t hesitate to help himself onto the bed and snuggle into your back, resting his hand on top of Ash’s on your hip.

“Couldn’t sleep. It just… I don’t know... didn’t feel right being without you both after that,” he explains, kissing your neck.

Light kisses and soft touches are exchanged between you all and then there’s a brief discussion about how long the cuddle session should be. You push to have Cal sleep in bed with you and Ash and though they’re reluctant at first, you eventually convince your boyfriends that the family will be none the wiser as long as you set an alarm to get him back to his room before everyone is up and around for Christmas morning.

Ashton untangles himself from you both to set both the alarm clock on the nightstand and the alarm on his phone, just to be safe. You turn towards Cal and peck his nose. “Feelin’ OK, bubba?”

He smiles, brushing your hair back. “Me? How are you? Tonight was kind of a lot. This week was kind of a lot, I feel like I haven’t checked in enough…”

“Bub, I’m so good,” you promise him, snuggling into his chest. “I’ve got you, I’ve got Ash… I get to wake up with you both on Christmas morning. It seems crazy to say but I actually think this all turned out perfectly.”

You feel Ash press himself tightly against your back, stretching his arms out to hug you both, sandwiching you between the two men. It’s sweet at first and then it quickly becomes silly and the three of you giggle quietly, giddy with exhaustion and affection.

“Plus, now everyone has an idea of what we're all like together so it won't come as too big of a shock when I post a picture of me kissing you both at midnight on New Year's Eve," you grin back and forth between the two.

Calum chuckles, "Oh is that the new plan?"

You wrap their arms tighter across you and contentedly say, "New year, new beginning. Let my sister have Christmas, New Year's will be ours."

Your words hang in the air as you all consider the weight of them. Ash breaks the silence by laughing to himself, causing both you and Cal to look at him with inquiry.

"Care to share?" You ask, using Cal's hand to playfully jab Ash's side, causing him to laugh more.

Ashton looks at you both and smirks, "I was just thinking… if tonight was Christmas sex at your family's house, the fuck are we gonna do to celebrate New Year's Eve at home?"

Calum snickers beside you, a naughty look on his face making you wonder what's running through his mind.

"Well," you start, playfully nipping under each of your boyfriends' jaws. "We've got a whole week to figure that out, now don't we?"

————-

Taglist issues again so my apologies if you get notif’d more than once (or not at all)

@mymindwide​​ @suchalonelysunflower​​​ @pxrxmoore​​ @loveroflrh​​ @ghostofmashton​​ @sexgodashton​​ @feliznavidaddycal​​  

@castaway-cashton​​ @ashtonlftv​​ @cashtonasfuck​​ @megz1985​​ @ashdork-irwin​​ @angelicfluffs​​ @findingliam-o​​ @youngbloodchild​​  @irwinsbetch​​ @everyscarisahealingplace​​

@wiildflower-xxx @metalandboybands  @realisticnotes  @makeamovehemmings @golden166​ @burstintocolor

@mfartzzz​​​ @babyoria​​​ @petunias-pet​ @youngblood199456​​​ @notinthesameguey​​​ @seanna313​​​  @zhangyixingxing1​​​ @stardust-galaxies​​​  @zackoid​​​

@lovelybonesetc​​​ @xsongxbirdx​​​ @justhereforcalum​​​   @ashtonangst​​

@laura66sos​​​ @calumrose​​​ @karajaynetoday​​​  @pilunb​​​ @jazzyangel242​​​ @babylon-corgis​​​  @heyheyhaleyd​​​ @calmsweetcreature​​​

@spicycal​​​ @talkfastromance4​​​  @holystxne​​​

@meetmedowntown​​​ @myloverboyash​​​

@irwindoll​​​ @cheekysos​​​ @carrielfisher​​​ @lukedorkyhemmings​​​ @creampiecashton​​​ @lovelywordsblog​​​

@trix-arent-for-kids​ @uh-huhh-honey​ @tobefalling​ @aladyofalbion​ @likehuhdude​

@curlycalums​​​  @cxddlyash​​​  @reddesert-healourblues​​​

@fedorable-killjoys​​​  @iamcalumswhore​​​   @i-like-5sos​​​  

@aquarius-hood1996​  @babylonashton​  @letmeadoreyoucalumx

@begluketostay​  @four-brits-and-an-irishman​​   @mateisit-balsamic​​ 

@crazyforcal​​   @neso-k​​   @deliciouslydisturbed365​​  @blxndeprincess​​

[lavender-lotion]

Fanfic Writer Asks

I was tagged by @asarcasticwitch - thank you so much!

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

737, which is an ugly number :(

2) What’s your total AO3 word count?

1,890,054 words, which ... AH I might actually get to 2mil by the end of the year!

3) How many fandoms have you written for, and what are they?

thank you, ao3 dashboard for this handy list:

Teen Wolf (TV) (377)

X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies) (187)

Marvel Cinematic Universe (93)

Glee (29)

Young Justice (Cartoon) (11)

Kingsman (Movies) (9)

Original Work (9)

The Avengers (Marvel Movies) (8)

Criminal Minds (US TV) (7)

Thor (Movies) (6)

Deadpool (Movieverse) (5)

Weird City (TV) (5)

X-Men (Original Timeline Movies) (4)

Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters (Anime & Manga) (4)

Ragnarok (TV 2020) (4)

Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies) (3)

Teen Wolf (TV) RPF (3)

Iron Man (Movies) (3)

The House in the Cerulean Sea - T. J. Klune (2)

Venom (Marvel Movies) (1)

Stranger Things (TV 2016) (1)

Captain America (Movies) (1)

Fate: The Winx Saga (TV) (1)

Power Rangers Ninja Storm (1)

X-Men - All Media Types (1)

Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan (1)

Riverdale (TV 2017) (1)

X-Men Evolution (1)

Push (2009) (1)

4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

With You, I Belong

Mates and Marriage Proposals

The Perceptions of You and I

(baby) maybe that matters more

Breathing You In

5) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

ughh so, fair warning, I have a lot of works. I definitely do not remember all of them, however I do have four works tagged as Unhappy Ending and then another nine works tagged Ambiguous/Open Ending, which is way more than I’d thought I had! 

however, there is one fic that stands out in mind when I think about which of my works has the angstiest ending! Heed the tags :)

And Now?

Teen And Up Audiences | Major Character Death | M/M | Teen Wolf (TV) | Chris Argent/Peter Hale/Stiles Stilinski | Chris Argent, Peter Hale, Stiles Stilinski | Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Canonical Character Death, Peter Hale Dies, Unhappy Ending

Stiles Stilinski finds out who his soul mates are by setting one on fire.

6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

ughhhhhhhh I truly do not know??? 

7) Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you’ve written?

I don’t write many crossovers at all! I have some mcu/teen wolf cross overs, I have a teen wolf/glee cross over plotted (that i’ll probably never write), but my strangest is probably this teen wolf/x-men cross over!

what-ifs (don’t fuckin’ matter to no one)

Teen And Up Audiences | No Archive Warnings Apply | M/M | X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies)Teen Wolf (TV) | Logan (X-Men)/Sheriff Stilinski | Logan (X-Men), Sheriff Stilinski, Stiles Stilinski | Memory Loss, Telepathy, Mentions of War, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Child Neglect, Grief/Mourning, Telepath Stiles Stilinski, Telekinetic Stiles Stilinski, Nightmares, Cuddling & Snuggling

There’s somethin’ there. Somethin’ that has him sleeping curled up on his side with a pillow tucked to his chest, somethin’ that has him splittin’ up his food ‘fore he eats ‘cause he don’t need as much as a baseline. Has him turnin’ to tell someone shit that ain’t there. There’s just...there’s just somethin’ there that’s missin’ and it shouldn’t be missin’.

8) Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

sometimes! I don’t write a lot of smut because I actively dislike writing it, but the smut I do write is super super soft and sappy and full of emotions lol

9) Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I respond to almost all of my comments! comments i won’t respond to: negative comments, unsolicited criticism, comments that aren’t relevant to the fic itself, comments simply asking for more 

I love love love responding to comments! I love every single comment that I get and I want to show how much I appreciate getting them, and personally I think responding to comments is the only way to do that! everyone has different comment philosophies, but for me, if someone is taking the time to comment on my fic like I so badly want them to, I think it’s important to respond to show my appreciation! 

10) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

aha YEAH I DO. this past weekend I actually got a number of shitty comments and had to file two ao3 abuse reports for harrasment (: I love it

I am no stranger to hate comments. I write copious amounts of age difference fic. I write copious amounts of incest. I am not going to apologize nor am I going to feel bad for enjoying either.

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

ughhh I sure as heck hope not! 

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! I have a number of them :) I always always do my best to make sure it’s linked to the original fic, AND that I add a tag noting that there’s a translation!

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I have made a few attempts! the only successful attempt is there's nothing i wouldn't do to make you feel my love which is a collaboration with @flightinflame, not quite a co-write!

14) What’s your all-time favorite ship?

I am unable to answer this lol I don’t have an all-time favourite. mutli-shipping forever.

15) What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

god okay this is such a good question! imma ramble about a few so bear with me here! (i may have 700 posted works but I also have a few hundreds wips & ideas floating around in my gdrive, too)

gone & past - this is a starrish wip i’d started in 2017. I ended up deleting it from ao3 to rewrite it and never got there, but I have about 20k of content! I built my home, inside of you - thorki human au with college jock thor and high school dancer loki. i’ve got a start and nothing else Sheriff Stilinski Gets Some Sweet Sweet Lovin’ - massive wip where... well, the sheriff fucks his way through the entire pack. I want to write it but. trans allison au - this is an au where allison is trans and that changes the entire season 1 canon. it features stallison, petopher, and a looooooong ass outline that will never exist beyond my wips You Fill My Heart (With Such a Gentle Love) - this is a stetopher a/b/o au with pregnant omega stiles and alpha pair petopher falling in love. it started as a labour of love to someone I no longer have in my life. I have about 30k, a full outline, but idk. makes me sad to think about it they slipped briskly into an intimacy from which they never recovered - this is my big x-men first class rewrite that I honestly don’t think i’ll ever finish. I have a few thousand words, a full outline, but no love lost for cherik so. doubtful Physiotherapy (I'll Be Your Baby) - this was a fic I was SO excited about, and then it kinda flopped and stayed a wip because I didn’t have a plan or the motivation to finish it. it’s a winterspider human au with amputee bucky and science twink peter that I adore the premise of but who knows breathing you in chapter 2 - I have a massive second chapter planned for this fic but the first did so good so fast I am way too intimidated to write more in case everyone hates it lmao

there are more arjgoirjeg there are so many more but these are the bigger ones I can think of right now!

16) What are your writing strengths?

ughhhhh I hate answering this because I have, like, seriously bad imposter syndrome around my writing BUT I do think i’m able to weave poignant backstory into narration & i write strong, distinctive narrative voices!

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

literally I can’t write settings at all. I don’t know how people vividly describe settings but I absolutely cannot do that and it’s one of the reasons I haven’t delved into original fiction. I need to write the town my characters live in?? fuck that imma just use a location we’ve seen on screen & let readers fill in the blanks lmao

I am also shit at long fic. I don’t have the mind for long and interesting plots, and I don’t have the focus to write long fic (which is why every long fic i’ve ever posted has taken me literal years to complete smh).

18) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I like it! both as a reader and as a writer. as a writer, I generally only use a few words, or small sentences that can be understood by context, and I generally don’t 

19) What was the first fandom you wrote for?

the last thing I wrote and posted was this one:

Languish

Teen And Up Audiences | No Archive Warnings Apply | M/M | X-Men (Original Timeline Movies) | John Allerdyce/Bobby Drake | Bobby Drake, John Allerdyce, X-Men (Team) | Not Canon Compliant, Future Fic, Established Relationship, Summer, Teasing, Fluff

It was a really, really hot Saturday, and most of the school was outback, enjoying the sun, not caring about the heat, and having the time of their life.

Everyone but Bobby, of course, who was melting away.

“I just want to remind everyone that I make ice. I am the Ice Man. I am not built for the heat and soon enough I’m going to melt away into nothing.”

20) What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

this is another impossible question! I have a few I really enjoy, but I really don’t think I have a favourite that stands out above the rest!

i’m tagging: @4magicandmayhem @insertmeaningfulusername @midrashic @wynnefic @ikeracity @stronglyobsessed @elledelajoie @wolfnprey​ & anyone else who sees it and wants to do it! seriously! go ahead :)

blank questions below the read more!

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

2) What’s your total AO3 word count?

3) How many fandoms have you written for, and what are they?

4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

5) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

7) Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you’ve written?

8) Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

9) Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

10) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

14) What’s your all-time favorite ship?

15) What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

16) What are your writing strengths?

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

18) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

19) What was the first fandom you wrote for?

20) What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?