#also those brown pants. they’re a size 20

[housecow]

gave away all the clothes from when i was <240lbs… no turning back now fr

[witlessficcer]

Intruder Alert

A/N: This fic is based on an ask by@multi-muse-transect. The ask was for a Peggy/Nat AU in which Natasha is taken in by Wong after he defeats Drykov. While she is studying as his apprentice, Nat sees Peggy working out. I have not seen The Black Widow. I hope this somewhat meets the request. Enjoy.

Natasha Romanoff still burned with the imprint of her former training. Her Master, Drykov was a viscous taskmaster and one whom distributed brutal punishment on those who did not meet his impossible standards. Nat did not fail, but she saw plenty who did, plenty who disappeared and were never seen or spoken of again. When Wong came to Red Room, many of the girls scattered, taking the opportunity to escape, if they had the nerve. Natasha watched. She watched as the General threw everything he had at Wong. But, the peaceful looking Asian was not an ordinary man. By some power that Natasha did not understand, Wong defeated Drykov.

When the battle was over, such as it was, the man looked at her intently. She returned his scrutiny with curiosity of her own. He approached her with open hands and smile with which the young assassin could find no fault. She was looking. Hard.

“Do you want to leave this place?” he asked, like he was order lunch. “I do not think there is anything left here for you.”

“I'm supposed to follow a strange man though a glowing golden portal and hope it all turns out well for me?” Natasha answered, coldly.

“Better than a Russian Gulag or being hunted like a dog for the sake of deniability,” the Asian answered, softly, but directly.

“If we get along,” the redhead offered. “And, I'm not saying we will. I want you to teach me what you were doing. The golden patterns were...beautiful. The power in them is obviously strong.”

“It is possible that this could be done. If we get along. As you know, students get the grunt work. Are you prepared to keep working? I promise that learning form me will be nothing like this place.”

“Let's go,” Natasha said, ready to leave with the clothes on her back. “There is nothing here for me.

She watched as the portly man seemed to spin a web of light, which opened into a larger circle and showed an empty alley on the other side. Without a glance toward her, he walked through.

She stood still; considering he empty alley, the oddly content man, and potential to learning a power beyond her understanding.

“Are you coming?” he asked from the other side of the portal. His hands clasped behind his back. “The window will close momentarily.”

“Who are you?” Natasha asked, her heart rate rising.

“My name is Wong.”

“Who are you, really?” she pressed. “You will find out soon enough. JUMP! NOW!

Natasha jumped as the portal closed around her.

*****

The house in New York was old, but comfortable. Stylish, in a museum kind of way. Nat found its timeless, multicultural decorations relaxing. It was inviting in a way the Red Room complex was spartan and lifeless. Nat was also pleased that she and Wong had worked out a teacher-student relationship that was both challenging and rewarding. His positive reinforcement was a refreshing change from Drykov, but also an initial hurdle as Nat knew she was exhibiting the behavior of an abused child. It took some time for each of them to learn to trust each other. It was coming, slowly, but surely.

After three months of introductory lessons, Wong decided to give her something a little more complex. He handed her a small leather bound book with ornate decoration on the front and back cover. It could not have been more than 20 pages long. Opening the volume, she found child like illustrations and words in a language she could not read. “Study this for this afternoon. Talk to me about what you have discovered at dinner.

Nat was not one to retreat from a challenge. Sitting at table on in the library, she started to 'read'. The words meant nothing, but the pictures...

Two hours later, Nat was knocked from her reverie by the faint sound of grunting an exertion. It wasn't Wong, or anyone else she had met at the House. She could hear the unmistakable sound of fists pounding leather. Kicking too. Rising from her chair she was was surprised to see golden sparks dissipate about her. What the hell? Even the sparks couldn't keep her from following the sounds of someone beating the shit of a hanging bag. Following the exhilarating sounds lead her to a wide, carpeted stairwell leading down. Of course its coming from the gym, dummy.

Making her way down the stairs and through a longer than normal corridor, Nat pulled up short before entering Wong's work out room. Peering into the room, but remaining out of sight, Nat was amazed at what she saw. The person beating on the bag was a woman. A giant woman. She must have been...over six feet tall. Her shoulders, glistening with sweat, were broad and muscled. Her entire body was broad and muscled. In her boxing stance, Nat could see the definition in her calves, thighs, and abs. The skin tight exercise pants left little to the imagination. The woman had a magnificently tight set of glutes. It was a nice ass. Who was she fooling? Despite herself, Nat found her eyes glued to the mystery woman. For the time being she felt that observing would be the best course of action. She wished the woman would turn around so she could get a look at the rest of her, but the Amazon was positioned to only show her back.

“How long are you going to stand there and watch?” the brown haired woman asked.

For the second time in a few short minutes, Nat had been caught off guard. Lost in thought. It was unforgivable. Drykov would have beaten her and thrown her naked into a cell the size of broom closet. That was then, though. This was now. Now, was a beautiful, muscle bound woman calling her out for staring. Natasha turned on the ice.

“I was waiting to get a good look at our intruder,” she said, flatly.

“Well,” the other woman said, turning to face Natasha. “Am I good looking?"

The former Red Room assassin, trained in all manner of self control and deadly precision, blinked. Dark brown eyes, strong jaw, aquiline nose, full, luscious lips, and large breasts, that seemed to strain against her loose grey tank top.

“Passable,” Nat said, without emotion. You thought luscious lips and big boobs, you big liar!Natasha felt like she needed to leave. She wasn't thinking clearly. This woman was affecting her in a way that she couldn't control. At first sight, her training was gone and she was succumbing to baser instincts. She's a hot athlete who started flirting with you immediately.

“Better than I get from the guys on the construction crew,” the larger woman said. “I think they're scared and don't know what to do with someone who could take them in a fight.”

“Sorry to hear that,” Natasha said. “Can't be easy taking shit from guys like that.”

“They are harmless. Literally. None of the them could hurt me.”

“Nasty names can't be easy every day,” Natasha said, moving not so stealthily toward the chair where the woman's bag lay open and white towel hung over the edge. “Plus, I'm not sure sure such names are entirely accurate.”

“Changing your tune that soon?” the other woman challenged. “I didn't come here to to be hit on by little girls. I came to work out.”

“I am not a little girl and I am hardly hitting on you,” piqued by the boxer's audacity.

“That drool at the edge of your mouth says otherwise?” the intruder continued, brazenly.

“I don't drool,” Nat responded, harshly, her self control eroding further. “Who are you? I need a name to give the police.”

“I'm Peggy, and there's no need to call the police. They would come, find you unconscious, and I would be in the wind.”

This woman, Peggy, was instigating her. Why? Perhaps she thinks your cute too. Did she already know who Natasha was? Was she an associate of Wong's? Or, did she simply like pushing buttons?

“If that was a threat, it was lost on me,” Nat said, with confident cool. “I can take care of myself. I'm sure you've heard the phrase: the bigger they are, the harder they fall?”

The larger woman's brown eyes gleamed with mirth. Placing on gloved hand on her hip, she brought the other to her mouth in failed attempt to stifle a laugh.

“Did you really just say that?” Peggy said, rounding out her chuckle. “Trained assassins should be able to make better threats than that. Seriously.”

Another figurative right hook to Natasha's ego sent her reeling. “Do you need a towel? You're sweating?” That's right. Offer to wipe down her sweaty muscles while you try to recover from her owning you from the moment you saw her.

“Sure, Natasha,” Peggy said, taking the offered towel and beginning to wipe herself off. “Since you mentioned it, if I fell, which is unlikely, I would make every effort to fall on top of you so there would be no clear victor.”

Nat was sure she was hypnotized. She was a Red Room assassin and a Sorcerer's apprentice. Who did this Amazonian street thug think she was? This is getting old. You are not hypnotized. You are hot for her at first sight and just won't admit it.

“Who's Victor?” Nat said, emerging form her inner argument. “And, how do you know who I am?”

“Are you okay?” Peggy said, coming toward her. The taller woman, pulled her boxing gloves off and tossed them to the floor. She turned her hand knuckles out and reached toward the assassin's forehead. Nat blocked the strong forearm aside before the hand could touch her.

Raising her hands in surrender, Peggy said. “I'm not going to hurt you. I was trying to check your temperature. You seem out of sorts.”

“How would you know what sort I am?” Nat said, too harshly.

“You're sweating,” Peggy said. “Your face is flush. You offered me a towel. I didn't see that coming.”

“You're sweating!” Nat exclaimed, causing a small burst of golden sparks to shoot from her temples.

“Whoa,” Peggy said, shocked, as the sorcerer's assassin collapsed toward her.

Peggy caught the younger read head and scooped her up into her large arms.

“What has Wong gone and done this time,” Peggy said, as she walked Natasha up the stairs in search of her teacher.

[stevenbasic]

Melissa Monroe, new Office Manager at Far Horizons Medical Associates, was back in the office after one day away. She’d taken the time off to settle herself, to get her thoughts straight, to wrap her head around - god! - just how fucking exciting it all was, now that he was...omigosh...becoming smaller.

And she was bigger every day...

She had summoned him - summoned him! - to her office, on this cold, rainy October morning. She’d told her girls to call him to her and he had come, without complaint. Her boss...or, haha, her ‘boss’...at her beck and call. Nnngh it made her squirmy. He had the title, but they..oh god...they both knew who was in charge where it counted. It made her feel every ounce a woman, dominating a man like this. It was early Friday and it was time for their weekly coffee date. Coffee, haha!  She’d be feeding him more milk than ever, she thought with a laugh to herself - haha haha, it’s so funny! - and making sure he took off his jacket so she could see his thin, weak shoulders.

God!!!

It had been pointless, she thought to herself, as she sat up on her knees next to him on her office couch. She’d been calm when she asked him to sit. She’d been professional when she’d given him the tablet, pre-loaded with the new application photos and videos of a bevy of girls ripe for her team. She’d been dutiful, as she helped him out of his jacket, fed him his warm milk, and straightened his hair, set pillows behind him. But now, as she slowly rose up next to where he sat, she knew her “mental health day” had been a joke. She knew, no matter how conservatively she’d forced herself to dress this morning - in this vest, blouse, these pants - it was all for naught. In fact, the day away - instead of calming her - had made her jittery, like she was jonesing for a hit. She needed to see him, be in the same room as him, breathe air that had him in it. And, when she finally had him sat down next to her, as she felt herself slowly towering over him more and more, she knew she really had no control over these new urges she’d been having. Get a grip Missy, haha! she scolded herself, He’s still your boss!!

She straightened his funny little shirt collar for him. He’s just so small!!

”M-m-Melissa..?” Dr. J finally peeped. He’d been feeling it himself, secretly, this urge to see her. What was wrong with him?? It had gone way beyond just surreptitiously wanting to ogle her huge tits, her powerful legs. Admittedly it had started that way but now it was more than just looking for any chance to marvel at that god-given ass. He felt like he physically needed to be near her, and now after a day away he’d come to her when she called, obediently taken her directions, and had sat in relative silence. He felt cowed, and ashamed of himself. She works for you!! he told himself, Get a grip, man!!

“I’m sorry...just so excited to see y-...to be back,” she giggled, straightening up next to him just so, to get her breasts just under his eye level, “we have so much work to do, with these applicants, and I thought it’d be better if we do this together. Is it okay?”

“y-yeah, sure,” he replied, trying to focus his attention on the ‘applications’, on the images of these young, healthy, pretty women on the tablet she’d handed him, and not on the J-cups stretching the business blouse right next to him.

“I always get just so excited for our Friday coffee dates,” Melissa added, straightening her shoulders, “And you all dressed up for me...in a, is this a tuxedo shirt? You look so nice...”

It’s all I had that fit me; I wore this back in high school.  ”Th-thanks,” he stammered, “and they’re, uh…’meetings’, not ‘dates’...” He was flailing, grasping for any semblance of authority. “...and I-I usually like to do these outside the office…”

“Oh, but why would you want to be anywhere else for our Friday coffee date?” Melissa cooed, scooting in closer to him, “It’s so cozy here, just the two of us. And it’s cold outside, rainy. So nice in here…”

She watched him shiver, even as he pretended to still be focused on the applicants. She could tell he needed her, needed her warmth. His little body was aching for it. It drove her nuts. ”But maybe we can do our dates at night…like, I could take you out to dinner…”

That got his attention!

Haha! Look at his face! Maybe, she thought, maybe she did just overstep there a teeny bit haha. But she was getting to the point where she couldn’t help herself. She felt reckless, she felt drunk on him and the idea of smothering him with her size. And she loved how nervous he just got. She just asked him out! And, she noticed...he didn’t say ‘no’.

Melissa laughed quietly, knowing his little personality was having trouble handling everything she was throwing at him right now. Realizing just how very much the alpha she was in this moment, she knew she needed to treat him gently, and couldn’t be too aggressive. “We can talk about that another time,” she said, making sure her voice sounded warm with understanding...and patient. She pet his shoulder, rubbed the back of his neck as she sensed his tension relaxing. “Now,” she began again, “it's been four days. We have, omigod, more than a hundred applications and we need to make some decisions.” She watched him nod, turn back to the screen in his hand. “I’ve put aside 20 that look good…”

With him still holding the tablet, she began to swipe through pictures of girls. Videos of girls. Resumes of girls. She would watch his face as a particularly pretty one from Hooters appeared, or a tall one from Evolution. “Ooo, look at her!” she would coo. She saw his eyes dart when the cleavage got too aggressive, and it would make her giggle. It was obviously - haha - making him uncomfortable, looking at these girls with his female Office Manager at his side. He was trying to hold it together, sound and appear relaxed, but his comments were becoming confused, his speech devolving to incoherent mumbles.

She swiped out of the applications. She knew what she should do.

”It’s hard to focus, with all this going on, isn’t it?” she enjoined, dropping her voice low, compassionate, suddenly tender.

”It...it is, kinda,” he answered. She watched as he turned back up to her, looking for some relief from the onslaught of cheesecake from the screen. Looking to her for comfort, guidance.

“It’s a lot, isn’t it?” she asked, words dripping with concern, empathy. She knew she could, if she wanted, flood him with her pheromones, make him feel the way she wanted. They were so close, though; she might kill him haha.

“It...it is, with...with…” she listened to him stammer, watching the little wheels and gears fit and start in his face. He was flailing, the poor thing, clueless and impotent, so adorable. He needed a woman.

”...with the divorce, hm?” she offered.

”y-yeah”

”shhhh, I know,” she consoled him, “it must be scary, huh? Life might get hard for men, without a woman, a wife. You’re all a mess, confused.” Her heart was beating in her chest so hard; he wasn’t even trying to argue, to be ‘strong’. She knew she could take him another step. “Here, I know what’ll help,” she said, “You need something to focus on...now, I want you to relax…”

With that, she sat up straight, sliding her hand from behind him, and began to unbutton her vest.

”m-Melissa?” he peeped, just the meager sound of his voice making her chest swell with pride, knowing how she was affecting him. He could do nothing but watch as she peeled the vest away from her chest and slide it off her shoulders.

In a moment it was laid, forgotten, on the couch behind her, and her hand was back behind his head. He was staring, she saw, right at her tits.

“shhhh…I know, sweetie, I know. It’s all so confusing, so hard,” she purred, “But relax...I’m here.”

He reeled inside when he heard himself moan, a weak little whine. He knew he should pull back, step away, recover whatever dignity he had left, but the sight of her mammoth bosom, stretching tautly at her sheer-thin, snap-up blouse, held him rapt. She was just so...big. So big and soft. Her chest in that moment was a safe refuge, magnetic and majestic, a sanctuary.

“Sheryl’s divorcing you, sweetie, it’s a hard fact to face but it’s true,” Melissa continued, “She’s leaving you with nothing, no money, just this job. And, really, she owns the practice, and the building, doesn’t she? So she’s really your boss. But she’s letting you stay, in the job, in the apartment she owns upstairs, right? She’s being very kind, really…”

She saw him glance down at the envelope of papers on the low table in front of them.

“...and she doesn’t need to be. She doesn’t have to be so patient. She just wants you to sign those papers, sweetie. Before she has to make things hard for you.”

She heard him whine again, and smiled as his eyes came back to her breasts.

“I’ll keep the papers here,” she consoled him, petting his hair and fighting the urge to just ease his face straight into her tits, “When you’re ready you come to me, I’ll help you sign.”

Her heart nearly broke in two when his sweet brown eyes then rose to meet hers, pleadingly. His lip quivered, he looked so distraught, so at a loss. “M-Melissa, I…” he began, trying to find his words, “I...I can’t…”

“Shhhhh…” she hushed him, “I’m here. We’re here. You need to let us help you through this. And the more of us there are, the easier it’ll be for you”

”m-m-more?” he stammered, obviously still confused as his eyes glanced down again into her bountiful cleavage.

Melissa giggled. “Haha yes, sweetie, more of me but also more of them,” she said, as she redirected his attention back to the tablet, opened up the images, “Look at all these girls that want to work for you…help you...be there for you...”

“Shanette, Katrina, Sammi,” she began, “Emily, Lexi, Bianca…”

His eyes goggled again at the barrage of women across the screen, all the legs, all the tits, all the hips. He had actually gradually started, in recent days, to allow himself to enjoy being surrounded by pretty employees. His business was suffering, the quality of care to his patients had plummeted, and his self-esteem had crumbled. This journey he was passively letting himself being taken on was - in more ways than one - sure to ruin him, but at least the view along the way was nice. Having his staff be made mostly of unqualified bimbettes, all high heels, lipstick and push-up bras, had its few perks.  But what she was suggesting, bringing in all these...so many...it was like...like...

It was like an army. A swarm.

He needed to say something. “M-Melissa, I, uh, have to admit,” he began, the worry on his face plain to see, “I’m a little scared...bringing in all these girls…”

Melissa had, as she’d been watching him look through the portfolios of all the new girls, slowly been getting even more aroused, picturing him surrounded by all this estrogen, drowning in it. But hearing him say it? She nearly groaned.

“Y-you’re...scared?” she asked, husky voice betraying her excitement, “Of hiring women? Girls that are too attractive?” As she spoke, she’d been unable to help herself, and had inched in closer to him, gently turned his head back to her, back towards her breasts. “You think they’ll be a...distraction?”

Dr. J was struck speechless again, for the moment, knowing he shouldn’t be ogling the tits of his Office Manager. But, he was encouraged by her, and urged to reply as he felt her massaging the nape of his neck. “Uhhh...well, it’s not that,” he managed, catching himself staring at the outline of what looked like a black bra under her blouse, ”but more like, uh..uh, like, it’s a lot. C-can we afford it?”

Smiling under the attention, his obvious dumbstruck awe, Melissa continued. “Remember the Lean In grant...it’s so much money. Supporting female-oriented business, supporting women, giving them jobs,” she explained, “ And the more we hire, the more we get. The ladies at Lean In are going to take care of it all for you…”

Oh, uh, yeah, right. He knew all this. “B-but...where will we put everybody?”

“Oh, sweetie, didn’t you hear?” she purred, “Construction on the expansion starts on Monday. I have the company all set up, plans are made….here, I put a picture of the blueprints on here too…”

”wait what?” he sputtered, suddenly even more confused, more agitated.

Omigod how delicious is this?? Melissa thought to herself, relishing the astonishment in his voice. She remembered her last conversation with Sheryl, on the Zoom call along with Abby and Wendy from Evolution. They were about to show him, in spades, what women were capable of. ”Sheryl said to go ahead with it,” she began, trying to keep her voice measured, not betray just how fucking sexy this was, “tenants from the other suites are gone, we’re going to have whole bottom floor…” She’d already pulled up the image of the blueprint, and started him scrolling through the mock-ups, the digital models, the drawings of the new wings. They were beautiful, really. “The practice is expanding,” she continued, “offices for the new providers…” She flipped through digital images of modern, sleek medical areas, new hallways, big conference rooms, all stunningly more sleek and state-of-the-art than his current office. “There’ll be a whole suite, separate desks, just for the Evolution Study…”

“oh my god…!” he finally blurted, seeing one last image, a huge, classically majestic statue of a woman, set in a fountain, looming over an enormous new atrium. A statue that looked - jesus christ is this a joke?? - all-too strikingly like Melissa. This had become too much for him, this was too overwhelming. His brain, his sense of ego, were becoming fried. He knew it, and so did she.

She turned his head back to her chest, watched his eyes go wide again as she pulled him closer, diverting him effectively away from what was upsetting him.

“Oh, I’m sorry…” Melissa purred, “my blouse is pretty see-through, isn't it?” She drew a deep breath, allowed him to stare again at her chest. ”...and you’re looking at my bra, aren’t you?”

”n-no, s-sorry, I…” he stammered, face flushing.

”shhhhh...here, you need more help…” she said.

“oh my god Melissa!!” Dr. J blurted, his voice louder, more emphatic than it had been all morning as he watched - in a swift, immediate motion, Melissa ripped open the snaps of her blouse, pulled it away, exposing her huge, newly-burgeoned chest.

“O shush…!” she laughed, tickled to amusement by his panicked consternation, dropping her blouse in a crumple behind herself, “You’ve seen me in my bikini, it’s the same thing.” She sat up straight, posed her shoulders, and let him stare at the huge breasts she’d grown. “My door is locked, it’s just you and me,” she assured him, her left hand finding its way back to its place behind his head, keeping his focus where she wanted it, “It’s okay, it’s alright. I know it helps…

The two sat there, for a long moment, with Melissa idly brushing fingers through his thick hair and allowing him to stare at her big, big breasts. She was supported heroically in a black satin bra that was huge but obviously still too small for her, and she watched as his eyes found the bulges of her that escaped the bottoms of her bra cups. He seemed helpless to do anything else but gape, and looked down into the flesh of it all. She was letting off just enough perfume now to relax him, help him settle his thoughts. By the end of this meeting, she wanted him to have come to terms with everythingl. She knew he was close.

”Looking at a woman’s breasts is just so relaxing, isn’t it?” she purred, indulging him with a voice she knew would be calming to him, “Helps you forget all your troubles…”

She was happy with his response, and knew she couldn’t expect much more. He’d nodded, grunted something affirmative.

Melissa giggled. The poor thing probably felt all of two inches tall right now. But she had eased him into a nice enough place, and - if he actually was two inches tall - they both knew where else she could ease him.

She knew the time was right, and pulled up the pictures of the applicants for him again. “Imagine, sweetie, if we had allllll these girls here for you, too,” she proposed, putting forward her picture of what she wanted the practice to be, “imagine all these girls, providing for you, taking care of what you need. imagine how you could relax then, with all of us around…”

“oh Jesus...Melissa,” he muttered, still lost in her cleavage.  He was disbelieving, incredulous on how far he’d let things go, how much he'd let her rise, how far he’d let himself sink. He was lost in her cleavage and felt helpless to pull himself out.

“You missed me yesterday, didn’t you?” she asked, giggling a bit and scuffing his hair.

He’ll do anything I want, she marveled.

I’ll do anything she wants, he realized.

”w-w-we’re hiring them all, aren’t we?” he asked, finally, resigned to his new fate.

”Mmhm,” she answered, and felt the world opening up for her...

================================================

Thank you loads to DragoonGTS for his renders. I've (awkwardly) photoshopped/faceswapped a few of them, but he did most all the heavy lifting for this post's imagery. Check out his Patreon and DeviantArt  and let's hope he'll be able to contribute more awesomeness in the future.

More images, more storylines, and more more more Melissa at my Patreon

[kirieshhhka003]

Diavolo anon is back with my bullshit train of stupid requests msksksmks (if i'm annoying just say it oki? :""3) anyway... May I ask for Diavolo's NSFW alphabet? I'm very curious over several letters,,, 👀 👉👈

I knew that you’ll request me this someday🤩. Thank you for your request, my precious Diavolo anon💚

Note: in all NSFW alphabets I describe how this character acts during sex with different partners, NOT with someone they love

Warnings: NSFW

Diavolo NSFW alphabet

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Well, partners won’t get anything after sex with this man. Diavolo loves to take relaxing baths with foam, lit aroma candles and while having a goblet of red vine and enjoying the view from his window

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

He doesn’t have any specific preferences, he just demands all his partners to be slim and have a pretty and cute face. On himself he loves his arms and tattoos on them, and his dick🙂

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

He doesn’t care where to cum, he had a vazektomija operation, so he can fuck without worrying about accidentally impregnating any girl. Really doesn’t bother about it and never thinks about it

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Couple of times, when Doppio had control over their body, Diavolo had called and dirty talked to him. It was something like phone sex, Dia was commanding Doppio where he needs to touch, rub and stroke. A poor boy was so excited and ashamed of this kind of attention from his bossu, he hardly kept his consciousness

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Diavolo’s about 33 yo, he has a daughter so I guess he knows what to do🤷‍♀️

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

His favorite positions are all kinds of missionary, doggystyle and cowgirl, nothing too weird. Mostly, all positions where he can reach to partner’s neck and choke them

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

No, no, and no. He’s always serious and sex is not an exeption. If partners act goofy or joke around during sex, they get their punishment immediately

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Diavolo doesn’t care much about it but he doesn’t let it grow too long either. There’s always a short carpet down there and it’s brown color(though in anime he was born with his hair pink, but I hc that Diavolo dyes his hair)

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

No love, no tenderness, no feelings. Diavolo doesn’t care about partner’s pleasure. He uses sex as something to take his head off the work and blow off steam

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Yeah, he jacks off, but not often. He mostly does it when hornieness hits him hard and he needs cum right here and right now. But mostly he just orders some prostitutes and has some fun with them

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Dirty talk, facefucking, degrading, hair pulling, face/ass slapping, dick choking, breath play, sadism. Diavolo loves to make his partners cry during sex, especially from pain

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Isn’t picky with location but prefers it to be comfortable, so bed or sofa are the best places for him

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Mostly, negative emotions. When he gets pissed or annoyed or someone in mafia fucked up, he tends to burst his emotions/feelings on his partners

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Going down on his partner and kissing them, he’s disgusted even by a thought about it

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Diavolo loves rough sex and face fucking and dick choking are his biggest kinks, so he always up to get a nice blow job. As I said earlier, he’d never go down on his partner. NEVER

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

It depends on his mood but mostly he goes fast and rough. I mean, he’s always rough but his thrusts may be slow and deep or just very fast

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

He doesn’t like them and sees no sense in them. He loves to take his time and to enjoy himself, quickies only make him desperate for sex even more

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

NO. We all know Diavolo, he’s very cautious and carefull when it comes to his personality, he doesn’t leave any evidences or hints. So no, never

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Diavolo goes for 2, sometimes 3 rounds(he’s not that young, y’know), each of them lasts for 15-20 minutes. During the last round Diavolo gets more aggressive and his pace becomes faster and rougher

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Hell no, he’s too old for shit like this. Maybe handcuffs, collar or gag but nothing more than this

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Diavolo doesn’t tease and hates when partners do that either. If they do, they’ll get punishment, he can even break a couple of their bones to teach them a lesson

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Isn’t very vocal, the only thing that partner can hear from Diavolo during sex are quiet groans and swearings addressed to them

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Diavolo kills all his partners afterwards. He had some fun and reached his orgasm, their work here is done. They don’t know his name, his age, anything about him, but they don’t need to be alive anymore

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

His size is average, 6 inches when fully hard, very veiny, without curve, more on a thicker side. Head is slightly bigger and darker

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Well, his sex drive is normal. Diavolo controls his libido and doesn’t has a boner just because a sexy girl walked by wearing a mini skirt. He knows how to keep his dick in his pants

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Well, Diavolo can sleep after sex but as I said in “W” he’s busy with killing his (now ex) partner. After the “work” is done he loves to lay in the bed for 10-20 minutes and then take a shower or bath to relax and wash off all the sweat and sperm from his body

Masterlist | Smut Masterlist

[shiftytracts]

This was gonna be a scenario post, hence the A and B format, but got so long (2.4k) it almost counts as a story. I’m less sure it counts as emeto--it’s all nausea/general digestive upset, no actual vomit. Also mentions scat and weight gain, but those tags would definitely constitute false advertising; they’re more like incidental story elements than kink elements.

--

A’s on new meds, whose side effects include slight but near-constant nausea. They wander one morning through the dark, brown-carpeted house they share with B (their SO) and another housemate (C), coffee cup in hand, still slightly sweat-sticky from bed but without the time to shower. It’s a small, thin-walled house, and C’s not up yet, so A and B keep off their shoes for as long as they can, trying not to make too much noise. A muffles their burps into the crook of their elbow. B makes eggs and toast for both; A’s gotta wolf ‘em before their appointment, but wishes they hadn’t—or at least that they’d skipped the orange juice, and maybe saved brushing their teeth for after breakfast. They head to their appointment with their heart pounding in their gut, queasy and bloated and short of breath, bubbly stiff cramps forming in new places every time they bend a different way, belly rumbling so much they wonder if B can hear it, if they can see it shake, can see A’s navel through their t-shirt.

(“Be honest”—A implores, when they wander back from the can to the kitchen sink where B stands washing grease off the breakfast plates—“do I look like a total fatass?”

(“What? No.” B laughs, rhetorically, and adds, “Why?”

(“Well ‘cause I sorta feel like one is all,” A says, peremptorily stroking up and down past their navel, but regretting it when this uncalled-for jiggling further upsets their stomach.

(“Aw. No, you look fine,” B assures them. They look back to their dishes, then at A again with preemptive shrug: “I guess if they were really looking someone might figure you’d had a big breakfast, but.” A yanks at their shirt, hoping to obscure this; “Don’t do that, you’ll stretch it,” B reminds them.)

A tries to crap before they leave but no dice—not time yet. Nasty cramps and cold sweat all through their shrink appointment. Comes home, gives vent to the pyroclastic flow, then collapses supine on the bed and unbuttons their shorts. Takes a nap.

Despite their best efforts B’s doings in there an hour or so after that wake A up; they direct A to the water glass they set by the bed. “Oh. Thanks,” A yawns, and asks if B’ll hand them pajama pants. B smiles and complies.

“Not going out again then, huh? Not feeling well?”

A shrugs. “No, I’m okay now, just kinda.” They try to make a hand gesture for tired or loopy, but judging from B’s lack of answering nod they figure this doesn’t suffice as explanation. “Might later though, I don’t know.”

“Mm.”

“Should eat something, probably.”

“Ah, yeah—get back on the horse?”

“Haha yeah.” Meanwhile A rubs their belly up and down as though to sound its opinion on the level of drawstring tightness they’ve selected. B sits next to them for a sec, puts a hand on their back, pecks their jaw.

“I guess you are a bit chubbier now,” B admits, feeling guilty for how they dodged A’s question on that score this morning.

“Seems that way,” allows A. This, they’re pretty sure, is the previous med’s fault. They wouldn’t’ve switched were that its only sin, of course, but the thing had the gall to be useless aside from its side effects of weight gain and insomnia. “Is it gross? Should I.”

“What? No,” B says again, and laughs rhetorically as before. “‘Gross’? Of course not.” B bats A’s jaw, very gently, playfully. “No matter what happens, I’m just happy you’re getting help.”

A’s answering smile lasts maybe a quarter of a second. “Thanks.” All the same they stand and spread their arms out to either side, to give B a better look. “Sure you don’t mind?”

B smiles, shakes their head chidingly, incredulously. “Why would I mind? It’s kinda cute, if anything.” To prove they mean it they go around behind A, rest the side of their face on the back of A’s neck, snake their hands around to A’s front and slot each one atop their waistband so B’s palms fit in the hollow between pelvis and flab. Roots around til they find the end of A’s shirt, pushes it out of the way, un- and re-does the drawstring so their pajama pants sit at a more flattering height. “That too tight?”

“No, it’s kinda grounding actually,” A shrugs. “Thanks.”

“Mhm. Now go eat something.”

A eats some leftover rice with soy sauce—C ordered way too much rice with their takeout two nights ago, and left the extra up for grabs. Then A figures they can handle two Oreos. Can’t stop burping after that, but only feels a little queasy, little squirmy. Lies on the couch with their laptop, alternately studying and playing Tetris (they’re a week or two into the fall semester; today’s Friday, which they have off from both classes and work). Until C gets home, at which point Mariokart happens. This makes A feel sick, though, not sure whether in a too much food or not enough kinda way, so they take their computer and go back to the bedroom, telling C they just want to remove themselves from the social distraction. Maintains this ruse until about halfway down the hallway, then lets go the foodbaby they’ve been suckin’ in and moves their free hand up and down it as they round the corner into their bedroom doorway. B’s all dressed and ready for their friend’s party now; has to go soon. They’re crisscross-applesauced on the bed looking at their phone, but they look up when A comes in. “Hey.”

“Hi! Feeling better?” B asks, with a slight frown that suggests they know the answer.

A busies their hands with setting their laptop on the bed so they can say, “Nope—queasatronic,” without seeming too self-pitying.

B nose-laughs but says, “Aw. I’m sorry.”

A shrugs, sits. “Eh.”

“Want me to stay home?—I could—?”

But this time A says, “What? No. ‘Course not, you should go. I’m fine, I’m.” (Shrugs, realizing already that this’ll sound like a guilt trip and wondering whether they secretly mean one. But they’re too bushed to think of another ending to the sentence.) “I’m used to this; don’t need a babysitter. You should go.”

“Okay. Thank you. If you’re sure.”

“No, please. Seriously.”

“Alright. What time is it?” B chirps, then presses the top button on their phone and reports, “5:24—yeah okay, I should go. Take care, feel better. Need anything?—I could stop at CVS, or.”

“Uh…” A mimes thinking about it, then spaces out for real.

“Well, you can text me if so,” B laughs.

“Cool. Sure. Have fun.”

“Thaaanks,” B says, swinging themselves by the hand around the doorjamb as they slip out. A arranges themselves supine again, hands folded on their stomach. Lets out an unimpressed sigh as though in summation. Doesn’t really wanna take a nap, but they try playing Tetris again and feel too icky when they try to focus their eyes on the screen. Closes their laptop but does not remove its warm weight from their lap, even though in the 5pm heat its plastic sticks to their wrists. Burps, mouth open, not loudly exactly but sorta high-pitched—as though they were an adolescent boy with a soda can, they scoff. Then wonders if they have any more diet ginger ale. Wanders out to the kitchen, in the extra wall space between which and the dining room (B calls it a “breakfast nook,” but A just assumes that’s a joke they don’t get) they keep their soda cans stacked on the floor next to the milk-cratey recycle bins. There is indeed one left. They grab that and a cup (and two ice cubes outta the tray in the freezer), too lazy to fetch the one B put water in for them earlier, and remind themselves to text B that they’ve run out.

C’s still out there, and notices A’s choice of beverage. “You alright?”

“Yeah, just. Guts’re on the fritz again.”

“Hm. Sorry, pal.”

“It’s cool.”

“You gonna be able to find something you can eat?”

“What?”

“Tonight, I mean. Is there food you can eat?”

A shrugs. “Still some rice left I guess.”

“I ask ‘cause I’m going to the store in an hour, so. If you want some saltines or something.”

“Oh.” A laughs; adds, “thanks. Think we still have some from last time though.”

“Okay. Well, if you think of anything you want.”

“Sure. Thanks.”

“No problem; good luck.”

At this departure from Hope you feel better A laughs slightly. “Thanks.” Heads back to their room, drinks their soda and melty ice. This is the hottest-ass part of the day, so when it’s gone they balance the still-cool glass on their clavicle. They feel much better now, if sorta bloated and fizzy. Quease level comparatively minimal. Figures they should eat again while they’ve got the, uh, guts for it.

Once they start on their second round of rice A finds they’re pretty hungry. Adds soy sauce a lot more zealously, this time, and risks the last leftover spring roll as well but regrets the grease. Has to make up for it with the unsauced bits of rice clinging to the edge of the styrofoam box—you know, like, a palate cleanser or whatever. They hiccup a little, then belch when they bring their plate to the sink, from the contact between gut and the edge of the counter: hadn’t thought about the extra room they take up now. Rubs a peremptory circle into the left side above the navel but finds they feel alright, for now—then 20 minutes later heads into the can, expecting lava from how their stomach cramps and rolls, but gets out only some air and a few wispy pebbles. Notices with greater dismay, then, on the way back to their room, how their belly queasily sloshes around when they walk. Doesn’t seem to have shrunk much.

In B’s mirror, back in their room, A finds they look pretty gigantic, too; they changed into a looser shirt after the first one got too sweaty, and in this comparative tent all you can tell is that the gut’s the widest part of their profile. They set their hands down on it to bring it down to size, and are dismayed at how little difference this makes. Does feel nicer that way though; leaves ‘em there as they trudge slowly back to their side of the bed, and pushes slow circles into each side. Sits heavily on the edge of the bed, hunched over a little. Can feel the tightness in their stomach that means either it’s going to rumble in that long drawn-out violating way where you feel like it’s loosing all your secrets or that you’re going to belch so loud you’ll wonder if you have to puke. Waits, then gives up on waiting and slowly, laboriously lies down. Stretches a little, tempting fate, but it kinda hurts: ties a weird knot high up on the right when they loosen back up. They put three fingers on it gently, and try to iron it out back and forth. Ah!—there it goes. Stomach starts growling, seems to shake everything up, then once that uneasy shifting’s done with it still keeps up the sound what seems a ludicrous, embarrassing long time. When that’s done they sigh and then burp a little. Laughs at themselves for this display. Carefully carefully carefully turns onto their side, facing away from the door, and tries to sleep, a protective hand curled around their stomach.

When B gets home much later that night they wake up a little (“Oh. Hi. How was the thing.” “Hey! Sorry to wake you. It was fun; I think it went well.” “That’s good.” “Mhm.” “Anyway good night.” B laughs: “Haha okay. Go back to sleep A.” They mean to reply at your service but instead say, “Open sesame”; B laughs and pats their hair so it itches their nose. When A swipes at it snot comes loose. They decide not to open that pandoras wormtails); figures they’ll fall back to sleep quick until the consciousness of nausea slides back into place, at which point they try to roll onto their back and find themselves ludicrously heavy. It takes several tries, and all their breath. They groan with bored self-pity, forgetting they’re not alone in the room.

Meanwhile B struggles out of their clothes and into pajama pants and an inside-out (but not backwards) tank top in the dark. “You okay?”

“Blugh. Not great.”

“Aw, still?”

“Yeah… nah,” A says, blinking, confusedly forgetting which answer is appropriate. “I gotta pee,” A decides. This helps a little, since it wakes them up all the way and therefore allows them to disentangle the need to pee from their other woes. In the bathroom mirror they look mostly deflated up top but still extra puffy and round lower down; at least it doesn’t hurt their stomach to stand up anymore. Only hurts like a menstrual cramp does after you take ibuprofen, but the quease that in that case is only incipient is much worse here. At one point they cough, and dread this “pandoras wormtails” too when it alerts them to all the mushy brittle things in their throat and chest. This also makes them start burping again, so that that’s how they end up greeting B when they get back to the doorway of their room: fist over their mouth, wincing a little, leaning into the wall for balance. B’s a good sport though. They face each other in bed and B lays both their warm hands on A’s stomach, whimpers in pity at how blown up they can tell it is.

“I’m sorry you don’t feel well,” they say in that affectionate half-asleep tone that always comes out querulous.

“It’s cool,” A says back.

B sloppily nods so that their jaw thuds against their pillow, hair spilling into their eyes, and tells A, “Just try to go back to sleep; feel betterinthmorning probbleby,” trying to get all the words out before a yawn.

[vortahoney]

Pick five of your ocs and answer all of the oc questions for each of them. Now.

Okay I’ll do the one that I’m pretty sure you specifically want to know the most

Iza

1. Her human friends call her Kit or Kitty because she hisses when startled

2. Brown eyes, light brownish orangish color, and she has no hair because she is a Ferengi

3. she is 4′6″

4. You could notice their smile across the room

5. I have already said that Iza wears Hawaiian shirts pretty much all the time, but she also wears large (and very stupid) graphic tees from all over the alpha (and eventually gamma) quadrant. She has plenty of Lurian-sized merch for Quark’s. Overall, it’s pretty much big shirt big shoes small pants.

6. Caffeinated 

7. They have a large scar on their right ear, as well as their right cheek, that reaches the corner of their mouth. They got it in an accident that they had when they were little.

8. Their voice is always chipper, even in situations that are not chipper, it isn’t reflective of their emotions, it’s just how they talk.

9. It’s just absolutely covered in knickknacks. They’re a collector!

10. A notebook full of jokes that worked for the crowd and a PADD full of holophotos of their parents.

11. Iza misses her mom a lot and is always very excited when she comes to the station

12. Iza also misses her dad a lot, but they aren’t on AMAZING terms. Her dad is just kind of an asshole, but he wasn’t horrible or anything

13. They had one brother who died in the accident that they had when they were small.

14. They latched onto Bashir pretty much immediately, much to the chagrin of Bashir and also Garak (they’ve never met a doctor that was so nice!)

15. It wasn’t bad! They spent a lot of it in the hospital getting various reconstructive surgeries, and their dad also gets really sick really often, but they had a supportive mom and plenty of friends!

16. I know I could say the accident (for angst reasons) but I’m going to say getting her first pet. It was Klingon Targ. She wants another one.

17. Iza has a pretty big imagination. They can end up jumping to conclusions really quickly, and they are often very VERY far off.

18. Her family had to move a lot for various medical treatments. Her favorite place to live, though, has been ds9.

19. She is SO SCARED that she’ll mess a kid up. 

20. Not a good parent, but a fun one. They’re a little immature, but they’ve got a lot of love to give. Maybe if they adopted a teenager at some point.

21. Her mother and her cool uncle (he’s a Ferengi that we know but you guys can guess which one)

22.  I actually do not know this one. Drop your ideas in the notes.

23. Usually very upbeat people who can match their energy.

24. This sounds bad but shy people. They do not like trying to get people to open up.

25. They haven’t found their soulmate yet, but they’re definitely looking.

26. N/A

27. N/A

28. N/A

29. N/A

30. They got the standard Ferengi education but then went to acting school on Earth

31. They were SUPER outgoing and joined a lot of extra classes and clubs. Botany classes, sewing clubs, carpentry clubs, you name it. They were trying to make up for the time they lost after they spent so much of their childhood in the boring, sterile environment of a hospital.

32. They were super good at Language Arts and acting

33. They were honestly more interested in making people laugh than anything at school.

34. Comedy!! They hope to really take off one day and become a famous comedian like John Mulaney or J’Tahs Tiroha (famous klingon comedian that I just made up)

35. They perform literally every night at Quark’s (or on Ten Forward when they decide stay on the enterprise for awhile)

36. They absolutely love it. They love making people laugh and just being entertaining in general.

37. To be a famous comedian.

38. She acts out when she gets stressed. Sometimes she ends up in a holding cell.

39. She doesn’t get angry very often, but when she does she closes herself off.

40. It’s pretty similar with grief, except she cries a lot as well.

41. Her biggest fear is dying in obscurity

42. Seeing people smile

43. Their sense of humor is really upbeat. They don’t really do self deprecating, only mild stuff in their anecdotes. They also do joke about their feelings and events in their life.

44. She hates it when people refuse to be happy. She also hates when people whistle.

45. Whistling, high pitched noises in general (their hearing aid picks up on a LOT of them so they can get annoying)

46. She regrets not doing more to save her brother when they were kids. She also regrets not taking more time to figure herself out.

47. VERY easily

48. They can be really passive-aggressive since they don’t like to show negative feelings.

49. The accident and the hospitals

50. They haven’t told anyone about their brother. They also had a girlfriend in acting school who left her for reasons she does not disclose.

51. They want to put good into the world no matter what. They are also VERY for the Ferengi feminist movement, but they feel that business is bad and earning money shouldn’t be the only goal. They also have very strong feelings about the treatment of the Dominion aliens. They’re also pretty anti-federation, they think it’s basically an empire masquerading as a democratic union of planets.

52. She’s really motivated by the need to find love

53. She’s pretty physically healthy, if a little scrawny. She does get sick super easily, though.

54. Heart 100%

55. They do not like to think about death.

56. They’re really good at improvising and they care a lot

57. They aren’t very good at interpreting other people’s needs.

58. They try really REALLY hard not to cry because they know that they need criticism to grow, but sometimes they canNOT help it

59. She likes to think of herself as someone who cares

60. If she could change something about herself, it would be how easy she cries or gets anxious

61. They tend to think she has no boundaries, which isn’t TRUE at all.

62. She bears her heart onstage, but almost never one-on-one

63. Physical affection

64. Nail biting and clacking their teeth together

65. Orange juice! She likes thinner liquids

66. Toasted tubeworms

67. Butterscotches, they ate so many in acting school

68. Spring! It’s rainy and it reminds them of home

69 (nice). Cold rain

70. Garak made them read the Never-Ending Sacrifice and once they got their attention on it, they really liked it.

71. A Bajoran sitcom about farmers who adopt a cardassian baby called “Fires in the North” (very loosely translated)

72. Things that are upbeat and very loud. Lyrics don’t really matter as much.

73. Comedy!

74. Blue

75. Plants. Anything outside. The opposite of a hospital

76. They’re actually really fond of Cardassian Voles

77. A cheering crowd

78. Early morning, when everything is just getting started

79. They really like pickle flavored ice cream

80. Those really tiny ones that spit venom in that one guy’s face from jurassic park

81. Make your own question: Did your OC have a favorite teacher?

One of their acting professors was Dr. Ren, a human woman who nurtured her talent for comedy when all her other professors either tried to get her to be more serious, if they didn’t just write her passion off as another Ferengi moneymaking scheme.

[abitscripturient]

February

1. What is your character's favorite beverage?

Cosmopolitans

 2. What is your character's least favorite food?

Tofu (which is what Hikaru is fond of cooking and eating)

 3. What does the color blue make your character think of? How does it make her feel?

Oceans and skies- calms her down. There are times where seeing a kind of blue triggers memories of the night when she was taken away from her mom.

 4. How does your character feel when she visits someone in the hospital (or other major medical facility)?

She pities them but tries to cheer them up

 5. Has your character ever had surgery (or other major medical treatment)?

C-section during Natsuki’s birth

 6. Does your character gamble? Is she good at it?

No, but she’s good at playing poker (Derrick taught her)

 7. Does your character know how to swim?

Somewhat, but she wanted to learn how to do it better.

 8. How does your character feel about large bodies of water?

She feels fine about them. She loves looking at the ocean and riding ferry boats

 9. Does your character have any phobias? What are they and how intense are they? How have they impacted her life?

Needles- it reminds her of her mother’s drug addiction

 10. What does the color purple make your character think of? How does it make her feel?

Relaxed

 11. Your character lies on her back on a summer day and looks up at the clouds. What images does he see in their shapes?

Most likely cats or dogs.

 12. A terrible crime has been committed, and evidence points to your character's guilt. She didn't commit the crime, but she doesn't have an immediate way to prove it. What does she do?

She would probably cry at the unfairness of it all.

 13. Your character witnesses a terrible crime being committed, and he sees the perpetrator's face. She also knows that the perpetrator has friends in high places. What does he do?

She would probably keep it to herself for safety reasons but have the urge to tell Derrick.

 14. Your character sees someone get hit by a car; they're still alive but obviously badly injured. No one else is nearby to help. What does she do?

Get out her car immediately to see if she can help in some way and at the same time, call Hikaru for advice.

 15. What is your character's favorite piece of clothing?

It’s a three-way tie between, heels, fancy lingerie, and pearls

 16. How does your character dress on a typical day?

On weekdays, it’s usually a business type of outfit with heels. Weekends consist of more casual clothing, she always has fancy underwear underneath it all.

 17. What is your character's earliest clear memory?

Dancing and singing in a living room in front of family members that she can’t recall.

 18. How well can your character defend himself in a fight? Has she ever had to?

Aija can fight pretty good with her fists if need be. She used to fight in high school with Nakiah

 19. Is your character introspective?

At times.

 20. How opinionated is your character? Does she like to share those opinions with others or keep them to himself?

Aija can be very opinionated. She tries to give advice to help but not always.

 21. Is your character confident or overconfident? Does she lack confidence?

Very confident. She doesn’t look down on herself and knows she’s trying her best in life.

 22. What hobby or side interest is most important to your character?

Learning new cooking recipes, exercising, etiquette training

 23. Open your character's wallet, purse, or briefcase. What do you find?

wallet, makeup bag, pens, post its, compact mirror, car keys, gloves (winter), work badge.

 24. Open up your character's drawers or wardrobe and describe what you find inside.

Drawers: Top- panties, lingerie. Second- pajamas, socks. Third- tees, halters. Fourth- Casual pants, jeans. Fifth- Prada’s clothing

 25. What does your character's bedroom typically look like?

Brown or tan paint, white bedspread with lots of soft pillows on her queen-sized bed, a few plants, and flowers. white rug.

 26. What style of furniture does your character prefer?

Comfortable sofas and chairs

 27. What style of furniture would your character never purchase?

Grandfather clock

 28. Your character moves into a new home. What's the first thing she buys for it?

Something decorative for the walls.

[mynameisdreartblog]

Christmas Decorations 3

Libra: Dreidel. A big thank you to everyone, in the room, for helping me achieve my lifelong dream of growing into a giant and rolling around in the Epcot ball like a gigantic hamster. It's been a journey, to say the least, and I'm overjoyed that you all became a part of it. […] Today, I feel a new energy fill us all, and I think we're ready for the next step in achieving our dreams. Here, at Epcot park, I can feel energy coming from all cultured sections, of the park, combining at the center of the magnum opus: the Spaceship Earth (God, it's so sexy). <Deep inhaling>, that's right, we'll see our new world order come alive at this moment. It wasn't the stars that had to aligned, but rather our theme parks that had to do so. I call upon Superland, Magic Land, and Everland to join in their power so that my body can be a vessel for Spaceship Earth. […] Yes, the light feeds into me and I can feel my soul leaving this mortal form and transferring itself into the hive consciousness of the Epcot: I can feel my veins being replaced by the power grid of the park, and I can feel my body expanding in mass to encompass several acres of Orlando. The earth now shakes and the park guests tremble in fear, but they haven't seen what I'm, no, we're capable of yet. […] I have awoken in my true form: the faceless deity that contains the pinnacle of intellect within its structure. The hamster within has awoken, and it'll roam and bring destruction upon this entire earth, all for one reason: to produce another G-Force movie. This time, it'll be perfected with the arcane energy from the gods. 

Cancer: Virtual fireplace. I have this weird sorta association with furniture stores where they have all the elements of a house, but they're organized in such a way that makes it uncanny to see them in the way they're presented in those buildings. I gaze into one just down the street, of where I work, and it's always so eerie to look into. For one, the lights aren't even on in that place for a good amount of the day, so you can tell it's an older building. The second thing is that I know the person who works there: Gertrudis. I know them from my time when I had to bargain for a decently-sized couch that could fill the receptionist's area. I ended up with two, brown hard-wedge sofas: both that never saw use after two patients ended up with their pant pocket stripped away after getting up from them. […] Gertrudis is often seen two hours before noon: they're usually wandering around the area where I bought those two sofas; they walk steadily around it. They're not doing anything malicious; they're just providing an unwelcoming yet intriguing aura: I swear, they're trying to convey something every time they walk around that specific stand. Besides them, there's also occasional condensation that appears on the windows in the middle of the summer. There's something breathing on them to cause that, and it specifically comes from where the recliners are displayed: who knows what it is, but I do know that it's real, 'cause I see Gertrudis come up to that very spot and wipe it off and never acknowledge how strange it is to be there. […] I don't know what's going on, but I think specters inhabit that place, but I don't know why they want pockets so much: I've had to embrace chaps at this point.

Virgo: I fucking hate Christmas. Does the song Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer being in past tense imply that Rudolph is dead? Does every song being in past tense imply that the subject, of that song, is dead? Whatever the answer to that is, I should be focusing on festive songs: particularly about how Rudolph is a dead deer. I don't care at all about the message that deviation from the norm "will be punished unless its exploitable" stuff. What I care about is whether or not Rudolph is actually dead, and I also wanna wonder if anyone was personally devastated by his death. […] You see, I'm actually very interested in the grander lore between each pocket of Christmas stories. I've been concocting a theory for months, and it revolves around multiple festive stories: Grandma Got Ran Over by a Reindeer, Angela's Christmas, The Night Before Christmas, & Dabangg 2. Now, we first start off with Grandma getting run over by a reindeer: in that one, Rudolph was enacting his revenge upon Grandma for the abuses he suffered under her care. Then, we move onto Angela's Christmas where she takes the Church's replica of baby Jesus in because it was actually the child of Grandma, who was run over by Rudolph. Grandma is actually the Virgin Mary in this context, and it made total sense because the commodification of Christmas (as represented by Rudolph) kills the sacred origins of the holiday by running them over. In The Night Before Christmas, the village of Dikanka is overrun with the devil by the absence of the baby Jesus and that's what leads Vakula to use the devil to help him fly to his lover, who is actually inspector Chulbul Pandey, but he's too busy trying to locate the boy who was kidnapped. […] I will explain how this all ties into The Disappearance of Haruhi Suzumiya later.

Sagittarius: Stockings that ruined your mantel. I was really focused on that bird, but I didn't notice the art display in the background about thirty yards away. I fired the shot regardless. What resulted was a huge bullet hole in a newly purchased art piece, and a whole lot of plausible deniability. […] If you wanna know the details, I was planning to bag a blue crane to start off the hunting season, but I was given a notice telling me that they're off-limits. Because my sense of pride is very fragile, I decided to hunt for a black duck instead in order to fulfill my primal bloodlust (it makes me feel alive, you see)? My destination was set: a hillside bordering the expanse of a neighborhood in the Bhunya village just southwest of Mbabane. My gun? A Denel NTW-20 anti-materiel rifle containing a 20×82mm cartridge. The effective firing range is 1,500m with a 20×82mm cartridge: exactly what I was using. What was also 1,500m away was that priceless Michel Quarez painting: the one with a pinkish penis on it. It was a simplistic, yet imposing piece of artwork that captured the focus of my scope long before I was waiting for the duck to appear within it. It's not shameful to admit that, I hope. Rather, we shouldn't be shaming people for admiring modernistic art in any way they can: it's a media form that we're leaving behind and we need people to keep the legacy of it alive through casual admiration. […] This isn't the point though, as the real meat of this story was when that goose, er, duck finally flew into my scope. I can recall the image perfectly: it was perched on a tree branch in the exact thirty-yard distance away from me. I could feel the blood course through my trigger-finger and, without hesitation, I shot. […] Then the stupid-ass bird did an anime-esque pose and disappeared, allowing the bullet to pierce straight through the art. I ruined a beautiful penile piece and that's why I don't take hunting so seriously anymore.

[sky-writes-daydreams]

How They Met Chapter 20

A/n: twenty. Chapter. omg.....  I never thought I would ever get to post it this much. It’s only thanks to all my readers that I find the ability and courage to keep posting this story. This is a longer chapter for sure. :) Sorry about the long wait between updates. Life is getting to me and it’s causing a bit of a writer’s block lmao but I’m here!!! 

Also, A while back I had my big sister/ best art friend Draw something for me that is relevant to this chapter. i’m posting a link to it here :) Please go support my big sis she’s an amazing artist and I love her to bits!!! XD 

Next Chapter     Masterpost

@valkyrieofardyn @shigekihizashi @blindedstarlight @the-altissian-authors @lola-mcevil13 

The next day I saw the mark fully. It wasn’t as big as I thought and easily covered by some concealer he had for apparently the same reason. We spent it mostly in our room. I was too sore to go out walking and wanted to finish the scrapbooks. He had paperwork to do and wanted to do it with me close. I didn’t mind. It was a rainy day here anyway so being outside wouldn’t have been much fun. The next day was the one I had been waiting for. That night was the party. I was really nervous honestly. I had no idea how to act at things like this. I didn’t really get a lot of time to worry about that though. Around noon, Ardyn got a call. We were in the middle of talking about who all was going to be there over lunch when his phone went insane. He glance at it and quickly answered.

“Chancellor….. Yes.” He beamed then.

“Perfect!!! And everything…? Yes we have shoes…. Perfect! Oh I do owe you my dear.” He chuckled then.

“I’ve got a fitting at three. The party starts at five. I’d like to pick her up here at the hotel if that is… oh good. Yes I will make sure of it. Thank you.” He hung up then and I gave him an odd look. He smiled then.

“I know you were worried about tonight… So I made arrangements. Thanks to my habit of buying suits, I’ve made friends with some of the dress shops here. One has a full salon and such with it. I’ve made arrangements for them to help you find a dress from any of the shops in a color to match mine… and for them to help you with hair and such.” I almost choked then and he froze. I got the bite down then and looked at him.

“Ardyn… how…. ? Oh my gods…. “ He smiled then.

“Skylar… You’re my lover… I want you to look like a princess tonight. If this is the only dance you come to in your life…. I want to make sure it’s the best one.” I sighed then letting my shoulders drop then.

“You’re insane…. But I’m grateful… Thank you Ardyn….” He smiled then and gently kissed my hand.

“Anything for my princess.” I felt myself blush then and we finished lunch. He had me grab my new silver heels then and we took off. He had a suit fitting to get to and I was going to get pampered like a princess.

“Guys…. I’m not sure….”

“Oh shush! Come on!” I sighed then and slowly stepped out from the bathroom. This was the last dress they had for me to try on. I had only been here for about thirty minutes and I had already tired on over ten dresses. Going off their faces on this one though, I think we were done with dresses.

“Oh my….”

“Honey… Yes.” I laughed a bit then looking down. Slightly puffy with a slit on the left side where you could see the silver heels underneath and my freshly shaven legs. It was held up by one strap on my right side with the clasp hidden underneath a fabric rose. It was glitter and silks and a dress fit for a princess with deep reds and blacks. One of the fitters came up and finished zipping it up on me. It was honestly still loose.

“And the perfect size… No Alterations needed….” I nodded and looked in the mirrors at the end. I couldn’t believe it. This was really me in this dress and we hadn’t even done my hair or makeup yet. I saw him peek around me and he was smiling.

“You’re going to wow them….”

“Hell she’s going to wow anyone who sees her….” I laughed then and the other came up.

“I’m thinking…. Lace gloves up to your elbows… A silver Bracelet with matching Ruby earrings….” I nodded then and smiled.

“Check my bag… A friend gave me some.”

“Oh?” She rushed over and soon laughed.

“Dino!” I turned then.

“You know him?”

“Of course! I’m one of his buyers for the jewelry.” I laughed then and soon I got to sit down while they helped with the rest. We were in my hotel room now. We had only gone to the store long enough to pick up all the dresses once ardyn confirmed the color with them. I could feel them playing with my hair while we talked about everything going on. They had worked with vivian when she was making Luna’s dress. They were worried about her like everyone but they trusted in the oracle. It was amazing to hear honestly. Finally though They told me to open my eyes and stand up. I stood up  and let them lead me to the mirror.

“Honey…. You’re going to kill him.”

“I can only hope so.” I muttered before I opened my eyes.

It was twenty minutes till five. Ravus had come back to the hotel with me to escort Skylar. He was worried about us being attacked on the way to the party it seemed. I saw the stylish coming down as we walked in and he smiled.

“She’s coming. Just having to calm her down. She’s nervous.”

“I can understand… Thank you again for this.”

“Oh hon, once you told me… I couldn’t say no.” He beamed then like a child receiving a gift..

“She was well worth it. Oh and she can keep the dress…. I don’t think anyone else can wear it like her after this.” I stopped then but he took off. His partner was next and just waved smiling. I was completely confused until I heard someone on the steps. I looked up and instantly froze. Dark red gown moved with her perfectly, black lace gloves covering those perfect hands, nails a deep red to match the dress and my own color. Those gorgeous brown eyes brought out by expert makeup. Her silky hair done in a loose braided crown leading to a curled tail on one side being held by a ruby butterfly clip. I could barely breathe. I knew those lips though and those eyes. She looked up once she hit the bottom step and I couldn’t help but smile as the blush hit me.

“Skylar…”

“Ardyn… Um….” she walked forward and you could just barely see her heels under the dress.

“I hope it’s the right color….” I nodded then and gently reached out to touch her. She let me and I could feel us shaking.

“You look divine…. Fire made flesh….” She blushed then.

“Like you don’t….” I smiled then. A black suit with embroidered roses at the end of the jacket and vest. Done in a deep red color to match her. Crisp dress pants with shined black boots underneath. We were truly a match. Ravus was even star struck and gently walked forward. She saw him and I saw a bit of surprise in those loving eyes.

“Commander… I wasn’t aware you were going to be here.” skylar smiled then and bowed to him gently.

“It’s good to see you.”

“The same to you, My lady.” He stole her hand then and kissed it gently.

“I almost could not believe it was you descending those stairs…. This is a far jump from the huntress ready to threaten him.” We laughed then and she smiled.

“It’s me… I can threaten him if you wish though.” Ravus chuckled then and shook his head.

“No… this is your night, My lady.” I nodded then and offered her my arm. She took it gently and we left the hotel.

I wasn’t prepared. That starstruck look on his face… I can never forget it. Then we left the Hotel and everyone we passed stared at the three of us. I stuck close to ardyn, trying not to focus on the lingering eyes. I wasn’t used to such attention and he knew it. Ravus being on my other side was helping. I could trick myself into thinking they were looking at him. It wasn’t a hard one. He did look absolutely sinful in a white suit with dark purple accents to blend in his arm. Gods help me when it comes to ardyn. Hair had been trimmed and pulled back into a small tail. He looked absolutely regal and here I was on his arm. I had to remind myself to keep breathing as we walked to the first secretary's house. It was all lit up and I could see many dancing figures inside. The guards let us pass with no questions and Ravus went ahead. Ardyn spoke then.

“He doesn’t have a date…. But everyone is used to that….” I nodded then.

“I’m kind of shocked… He is rather good looking… Must be the attitude.”

“I think so as well.” I laughed then and he looked over.

“Are you ok?”

“I’m scared…. But yes.” He smiled then and I felt him get my hand tightly then.

“Skylar…. You look amazing…. If people are staring it is because they are envious…. They wish they could look as good as you and be as lucky as you and I….” I nodded then looking forward.

“Promise to catch me…?”

“Always…. Just follow my lead… I’m here for you.” We walked forward then into the doors of the party.

As we entered, young Men and women were waiting to greet and take bags and coats. Ardyn gave his coat to a young man waiting and another came forward with a smile. They were all wearing black and white suits with a sylleblossom pinned to the front.

“Would you like to be announced, Sir?”

“Yes please.”

“Names?”

“Lady Skylar Annaliese and Chancellor Izunia. In that order please.” The young man nodded and Ardyn got my hand again gently. I shifted closer then trying to smile and not show how nervous I was.

“Really?”

“I’m a familiar Face… I want to let them see you.. But I’ll be damned if they’re going to touch.” I laughed then as we walked forward. The main door opened and those not dancing looked up.

“Lady Skylar Annalise and her Escort, Chancellor Izunia!” He led me down then and I saw people whispering to each other. I was so close to panicking. We reached the bottom and an older woman came forward giving him a small smile. Ardyn turned on the charm then.

“Secretary Claustra! A pleasure to see you, My lady.”

“Chancellor. A pleasure as always sir… Might I ask who you’re escorting here tonight?” I smiled then and bowed.

“Skylar Annaliese Ma’am.” She seemed shocked then.

“You’re…”

“A huntress from Lucis…. I was lucky enough to fall for this man at my side back home… he asked me to accompany him this evening.” She nodded slightly then.

“Interesting…. You do look the part well my dear… I hope your stay here in our city is comfortable… Maybe you could help with our demon issues.” I smiled then.

“Ma’am I already have.” She stopped then.

“No… You’re…? One night?” I nodded then.

“I’m efficient when I wish to be.” She was impressed. Ardyn smiled then.

“You see now why I fell for this rose…”

“Indeed… you’re a lucky Man Chancellor. Please… Enjoy the party.” I nodded and she walked on. I breathed then and he smiled.

“You’re a natural…”

“I just copied you.” He laughed then and I let him lead me around and tell me names of certain people. I tired to keep up but it was rather hard. I stole a drink on the way and was sipping on it when the next dance came up. He smiled then and soon got in front of me and stole my glass. I knew then and soon he bowed to me offering me a hand.

“Care to join me for a dance my dear?” I took his hand then.

“I would be delighted to.” He led me forward then and I saw everyone clear a space in the middle. I could feel my heart pounding as we stopped.

“Skylar…”

“Yes?”

“Just watch me…. Ok?” I nodded then as I took his hand. As his arm slipped around me, It felt like we were the only ones out of the floor. I let him lead on instinct following his moves with my own. I trusted him. I trusted he wouldn’t let me fall or hurt him or me. I couldn’t look away from those gorgeous eyes either. The suit only brought them out more to me. It came to the spin and I did it perfectly. I could see it in those eyes of him. He was beaming through them. I smiled back at him and slowly we fell back into our natural stance and he kept us dancing around the room. At one point he even lifted me with one arm around me and I couldn’t help but laugh gently. We hadn’t practiced this. I came back down and our lips just barely met before we went back to normal and kept going around. I was so dizzy but it wasn’t from the dancing. I was so in love with this man it was insane. I knew so much about him now. His fears and weaknesses, his troubled past and his nightmares for the future. All these people in this room though… All they saw was the chancellor, a self absorbed egotistical man ruling the empire under the emperor. He was the enemy… but not to me. I saw someone I’m pretty sure even ardyn forgot existed inside… I saw the healer in those eyes. I saw the true Ardyn…. And I loved him.

I hardly realized I was about to cry until he reached up.

“Skylar…?” I smiled then.

“I love you…” He smiled then and I felt him wipe a tear away.

“I love you too…. So damn much skylar…” I laughed a bit as I came back to reality. The song was over. He smiled then and slowly walked with me out of there. We went down the hall to a balcony and I heard him close the door. I just tired to breathe and not let any tears fall. I didn’t want to mess up the makeup.

“It’s waterproof you know.” I laughed then and looked back. He was smiling. He walked forward then and I went right into his arms. I couldn’t help it. He hugged me tightly then.

“Skylar… What’s wrong…?”

“Nothing… I’m just…..” I choked then and He sank down with me onto a bench. I couldn’t do it. This was too much at once and I was scared to follow where this would lead me.

“I’m just a hunter…. And now…. I look like a freaking queen! And I love you so damn much but…. I’m terrified….! I want this….. But….”

“You’re scared…. You're scared of heartbreak… of losing everything.” I nodded then and he hugged me tighter.

“I promised you…. I would never let that happen to you. I will always protect my queen…. Now and forever….. After everything you’ve done for me thus far….” he made me look up then and I saw.

“You’ve made me more human than I’ve felt in years skylar….. My past is slowly slipping behind me when you’re around…. I don’t want all these titles or the job… I just want you! The empire can fall like the one before it and I wouldn’t care…  so long as you stood by my side safe and sound.” I gazed at him then as the tears fell.

“Ardyn…. You’re such a fool….. Falling for someone like me….” He chuckled then.

“I’ve been told that before…. A long time ago by a woman…. And yet I did not ever stop loving her… Even when she turned her back on me… My last words were ones of love…. So what in Ifrit’s name makes you think I will do anything less for you?” I shrugged then and he smiled.

“You’re the only woman I have ever loved since my downfall…. And you will be the only one I want to share the future with, whatever it may be…. So if there is anything I can do… to help you realize that it’s ok…. That you can be with me… to come home with me….” I looked up then and he smiled.

“I’ve got a wing in the palace…. It’s lonely…. And needs your touch…. You can even still hunt… I had it all worked out…” I smiled then and gently touched his face.

“You truly love me don’t you….? All of me….? Even the messed up parts? The depressed terrified parts?”

“Especially those… Because that is the real you…. This is Lady skylar…. But she is not the one I met in lucis…. I met that smiling kind Cafe girl that really knows how to brew a shot of espresso.” I laughed then as he made a face.

“I was flying off that for well over twelve hours…. Damn.” I couldn’t help it. I laughed as the tears fell into my lap. He smiled then.

“So no matter what version of you there is… I will love it… Because I know the real one… and by the gods I am blessed to.” I looked up then and smiled.

“I want to say goodbye to Noctis and them….” He nodded then.

“Seeking the king’s blessing…?”

“Sort of…. More like a family blessing… They’re my brothers…” he smiled then.

“Hopefully yours will take it better than mine.” I gasped then and he smiled.

“Mess up once and whoops. There went my life.”

“Ardyn!”

“What?” He smirked then.

“Got you to stop crying.” I sighed then and he smiled.

“Go on…. I will await out front for you.” I nodded then and hugged him tightly.

“I love you…. I’ll be back.” He nodded then and I soon left. I ran down the halls bypassing the ballroom and soon I got outside and out into the streets. I had a secret in this dress as well. On my right side there was a pocket. I got into it and pulled out my phone and quickly called Noctis. He answered on the second ring.

“Skylar?”

“Noct…” I was looking around trying to think. Finally I saw and smiled a bit.

“Do you know the cafe near Weskham’s?”

“Yeah. We’re close by. Why?”

“I need all of you to meet me there… Something’s happened.”

“Ok. do you want to stay on the phone with me?”

“Can’t. I’m running in heels.” I hung up then and took off holding my dress up off the cobbled street. I got down the stairs and past the way to the haunted painting and soon took another flight down. They were right in front of me.

“Noctis!” He turned then and I saw the shock. I didn’t give him time to register at all before I hugged him tightly.

“S-Skylar!?” I nodded then trying to hold the tears back.

“You… wow. I know who they were talking about now. We heard about a fire lady with some imperials…. It was you?”

“Yes…” I mumbled. He hugged me back then.

“What’s wrong…?”

“I’m scared…. I don’t know what to do….” I couldn’t stop them then. I heard prompto gasp then and soon Noctis made me let go. I tried to hide them but it was hard.

“Ok… We need to sit… Come on… don’t mess up that makeup hon… you look too good for that.”

“It’s waterproof…” They nodded and soon I sat with them at a table. Gladio was next to me and gently hugged me.

“What’s going you so scared hon?”

“Did Ardyn hurt you?” Prompto asked and I looked up.

“No! Gods No….. He….. He can’t…..” I looked back down then. I had been too quick to defend him.

“..... He’s not a bad man…. There’s someone in there that I get to see and I love him…. I know a lot about him…. He’s damaged…. He’s scarred and Damaged and careful… but I got past those walls and he got past mine…. Now we’re at the last one and…. I want to let him in. He asked me to go to Niflheim with him… to live with him…. Possibly even marry him….!” I choked then crumpling in half as I sobbed. I could see it now. We would say I do and things wouldn’t change…. It would still be like it is now and I’d see that smile every morning when I woke up without fearing he’ll leave me. He’d be mine.

I couldn’t take that. I couldn’t take how scared I was of happiness that I was ready to run again. That was until I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked and Noctis was there next to me in an extra chair.. He was gently smiling and soon hugged me tightly.

“Skylar…. I’m risking everything for what you’ve got… so if one of us can have it… It’ll make all of this worth it.” I gasped then and he made me look him in the eyes.

“I’m not ever going to get to marry luna… let alone see her again…. But you’ve got love right here staring you in the face and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let you run from it again.” He pulled me up then and the other nodded. Ignis came up then and smiled.

“I know at some point I thought I could be the one you’d be saying yes to…. But fate is odd. So keep our numbers…. Stay in contact if you can… If you ever come home… Find us.” I nodded then and prompto smiled.

“He better have gotten a photo before you started crying.” I shook my head then and he shrugged before getting one.

“This works too…. Don’t forget us sis ok? I’ll have lots of photos for you to see next time.”

“Promise?” He nodded then and hugged me tightly.

“I’ll send you this one tonight…. Ok?” I nodded then before gladio came up. He hugged me tightly and soon made me look at him.

“You keep training. Never stop… He tries to hurt you… Use it. Stay safe skylar…. I’m not going to be there to pull you out from under dead monsters….” I nodded and it reminded me.

“Prom!” he looked up and I smiled.

“Take care of damien for me ok…?” He beamed then.

“No problem!!!” I smiled then.

“You guys are the best friends I could have ever been stranded with….” They laughed then and Noctis got my shoulder.

“Come on Fire queen…. We’ll walk you back.” I nodded then and gently got his hand.

“I won’t forget you boys….”

“Don’t…. And this isn’t goodbye… you’ll see us again.” I nodded then and slowly we headed back.

As Promised, Ardyn was waiting outside. He stopped when he saw all of us and I knew he was worried. Noctis walked forward with Gladio at his side and my hand in his. Slowly though I let him go and got Ardyn’s. Noctis nodded and looked at him.

“Hurt her and you better pray we don’t find out…. She’s someone special to us all…. So treat her right Ardyn….” Gladio nodded then.

“Makes the smackdown we gave titan seem like child’s play for sure.” Ardyn smiled then and nodded.

“Understood, your majesty…. I will treat her with all the respect a queen deserves…. Thank you.” The boys nodded then and I smiled.

“See you…”

“See you Skylar. And don’t worry about home. We’ve got it. You take care of you.” I nodded then and smiled.

“I trust you idiots… now you better go! Ravus is here!”

“Whoa what!?” They seemed a bit panicked and quickly ran. Ardyn laughed then and soon got both of my hands.

“So I take it….”

“I’m coming home with you…. I’m still scared to leave home behind but…. I’ve got you… and home is where your heart is…. So I guess I’m not really leaving it… Maybe I just found a new… more permanent home.” He smiled then and nodded.

“I promise…. I will be by your side Forevermore skylar.” I smiled back then and gripped his hands tightly.

“I like the sound of that Ardyn…” He gave me such a gentle look then as he got into his pocket.

“Then let’s make it official…. I was going to ask you later tonight but… Now seems like the right time.” He pulled out a box then and I felt my heart do a flip. He opened it carefully and pulled out a silver chain. In the middle was a ring. Silver with a black opal in the center surrounded by small diamonds. I gently examined it as he got a wistful smile.

“I’ve had this ring for a long time… it was to be given to my original queen…. But she wasn't the one it was truly meant for.” He opened the chain then and I felt him slide it around my neck.

“As you wear this, remember this promise. I will be there for you always… you are the one I love and I will never leave you….” I felt him lock it on me and I gently kissed him.

“I trust you…. I love you too ardyn…. More than you will ever know.” He looked into my eyes then and it was all there. He didn’t have to say a word more. He kissed me back and I felt everything fall into place at last. We had a lot of road bumps ahead for sure but I knew we could deal with them together. After all… isn't that what a king and queen did?

[lavellan-evelyn]

OC interview meme

Tagged by: @dirthara-mama thank you <3

And of course for my bb

After Trespasser

1. What is your name?

Evelyn Lavellan.

2. What is your real name?

It’s cause it’s a shem name isn’t it? Don’t worry, it’s Evelyn Lavellan still.

3. Do you know why you were called that?

Mother was a city elf and a human named Evelyn helped her escape and my ma was inspired so here I am.

4. Are you single or taken?

Very much taken. See this necklace? Half of a dragon’s tooth, The Iron Bull has the other half.

5. Have any abilities or powers?

I mean...I have the genetics to harness magic and I’m good at that so... Well, I’m a Dreamer as well, and can-used to close demon rifts. Also studied rift magic and that’s why the missing part of my arm looks like a translucent green hand.

6. Stop being a Mary Sue.

Pal, I have a shit load of issues I have to deal with on the daily. Mental shit, physical shit, social shit. Do not even start with me.

7. What’s your eye color?

Pale forest green. Mother had green eyes, Father had heterochromia with one brown and one green.

8. How about your hair color?

Red with brown undertones. Sometimes it looks red red other times it looks brown, depends on the lighting.

9. Have you any family members?

Only child, Mother and Father got divorced cause my mom was emotionally abusive to me. She changed, though I’m still weary around her and happy she doesn’t push anything. I have chosen family from the Inquisition and my old Keeper. My father and I are really the only remaining Lavellans. We are a direct bloodline from Lavellan themself as well. Other than that, not much, but we’re close.

10. Oh? What about pets?

When I was little I had a pet rabbit and was best friends with a Halla. Now I have a pet dragon-well, she’s imprinted on me, I’m her mom. And I have a dracolisk that chose me as well.

11. That’s cool I guess, now tell me something you don’t like.

The way you phrased that statement at the beginning is a good start. I have a long list, you have to be more specific. People who are ignorant and arrogant piss me off, so there.

12. Do you have any hobbies/actives you like doing?

Well they wouldn’t be a hobby if I hated it now would it? Yes, reading, writing, hanging off of things, instrument playing, singing, art as well.

13. Ever hurt anyone before?

Oh plenty. And I hate myself everyday for it. Each time I’m forced to kill someone I know that that person had a family and friends, maybe completely innocent to the situation. And they’re going to receive a letter that says their loved one died, and it’s hard. I feel like I’ve let people down multiple times due to being ignorant and naive. Yeah sure, saved the world the weight should be off my shoulders right? Nope. It lingers like fade pain. Haunted by so much. The fact that Thedas could still be destroyed because the Veil falls, doesn’t help matters much because now I feel like I did everything for nothing so...

14. Ever...killed anyone before?

Many. I always try to do it in self defense and only if the killing is necessary.

15. What kind of animal are you?

Watch it. And if you don’t know any better don’t ever ask that question to anyone, especially elves. Though, I feel like my familiar would be a fox or cat or OH, gargoyle cat if they only existed past sculptures.

16. Name your worst habits.

I’m oblivious. I cry a shit load, so I always seem over sensitive or over emotional when most of the time I’m not. Guess who’s never taken seriously? Um, I put others needs before my own, which might not sound too bad until you realize I cannot truly help another person until I know I’m fully able to by prioritizing myself first.

17. Do you look up to anyone at all?

My father. And a few of my friends.

18. Gay, straight, or bisexual?

Pansexual.

19. Do you go to school?

Taught by my clan, first hand by the Keeper. Yes and no.

20. Do you ever want to marry and have kids one day?

Marriage is important to help put who I am in stone. Like, another document that says I was an elf mage. And of course for legal reasons if Bull and I wanna do things economically speaking. But, I am infertile and have zero motherly type instincts. And no, caring for safety of others doesn’t guarantee that I have said instincts, just means I care.

21. Do you have any fanboys/fangirls?

Probably.

22. What are you most afraid of?

Abuse. And any of it’s synonyms and connotations. Being like my mother was.

23. What do you usually wear?

Clothes. Um, easy things to put on or take off. I stray from pants when I can. Hate those bastards.

24. Do you love someone?

I killed dragons in his name, yes I love someone. And platonically or family wise I also love others.

25. When was the last time you wet yourself?

Diaper years.

26. Well, it’s not over yet!

Lovely.

27. What class are you? (High class, middle class, low class)

High class now. I hate it. I try to give away all the money I can to charities and people who need it but for some reason I keep getting fucking paid and I want them to stop because I’m fine, it’s everyone else that needs the money.

28. How many friends do you have?

Around 15ish. But like, my closest best friend group is around three. Yes, I count Bull amongst them.

29. What are your thoughts on pie?

Fucking love it. Blueberry pie is my favorite and I can make it and ugh, i need one now.

30. Favorite drink?

Alcoholic wise, I prefer rum, but I actually don’t drink much and don’t really enjoy it all that much but I can tolerate a few rounds for fun. Bull is respectful of that. Otherwise, it’s a tie between apple juice and hot chocolate.

31. What’s your favorite place?

I have pillows in the corner of my room I snuggle in a lot and it’s my safe space kinda. But, I really enjoy Crestwood, I think the scenery can be beautiful.

32. Are you interested in someone?

...yes. The Iron Fucking Bull.

33. What’s your bra cup size and/or how big is your willy?

Um...small? Bull describes it as the size of medium oranges. Don’t ask how we got into that discussion because it was really a random topic that just came up.

34. Would you rather swim in the lake or the ocean?

Well, I really like how calm lakes can be. But I do feel a sort of calling towards the ocean. I think that’s because every few years or so, my clan would go to a coastal/island clan and exchange stuff and have fun. My father actually is half coastal and half Lavellan blood, so I have a bit in that in me. Though I’m like 200% sure because he has vitiligo and my ma had really sun sensitive skin, I can’t tan or be out in the sun very long even with protection.

35. Whats your type?

Intelligent, that does not equate to book smart by the way. Open mindedness, humorous, playful but can be serious in serious situations, kind, someone who can match my morals. Good chemistry.

36. Any fetishes?

Not by the true definition of one, no, but I have a shit load of kinks. That’s for another discussion if you wish. I’m not ashamed.

37. Seem or uke? Top or bottom? Dominant or submissive?

I’m a submissive brat about 90% of the time, sometimes I have a craving to be dominant, though, but I know Bull is extremely uncomfortable in truly submissive positions so we try and work things out, compromise.

38. Camping or indoors?

Both.

39. Are you waiting for the interview to end?

Yes.

40. Now it’s over!

Thank you.

Tagging: I’ve seen a lot of people do this recently so idk! If you see this and want to do it consider yourself tagged!

[brainbubblegum]

Tagged by... @patches-poots

Rules: Answer 30 questions, then tag 20 blogs you’d like to know better (HAH)

Nickname: I have like 80, but the most popular seem to be Jonni, Grams or Brain

Gender: ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿

Zodiac: Sagittarius... like it matters tho *tips trilby to hide face*

Height: fun-sized

Age: 26..... YEAH, you read that right, keep scrollin’!! 💥🗞= 👋👀

Time: 21:38 PM (IMPORTANT)

Favorite bands/solo artists: I like really BIG sounds with negative emotion, and I also like songs without any icky, gross romance in them. Bands like Jimmy Hendrix, Metallica, Black Sabbath and Pink Floyd do mostly that. But I’ll pretend I like happy love songs just for Queen because Freddie Mercury was a real-life siren and there will never be another performer like him.

Song stuck in my head: Ballroom Blitz by Sweet, pls send helpis

Last movie I saw: in theaters- The Incredibles 2, I loved it, I loved everyONE.

Last movie in general was Justice League, which I mentally checked out of when Superman actually beat up wonder woman. She’s a GOD who knows every martial art and he’s just a DUMB ALIEN THE WRITERS KEEP ADDING POWER TO TO APPEASE THE FANBOYS BDDBISHXWZKS

Last thing I googled: “little old lady that took in disabled hobos and disembowled them”... IT WAS DOROTHEA PUENTE, and it was driving me NUTS trying to find her story after seeing her on ID.

Other blogs: 🤫

Do I get asks: once a blue moon I’ll get someone telling me my art was reposted... or that my style looks like Shel Silverstein’s hands and Tim Burton’s hands had a baby.... or they’re asking me to draw like... a reaaally specific kink.. like, blonde woman buying wonderbread level specific...

Why I chose my username: my grandad used to call dumb shows with no real mental stimulation on tv brain bubble gum and I was like, that’s-a me!

Following: I got like, 8.4K followers, but I’m pretty sure half of them are pornbots and fake devs who wants to test their flash game on their NOT AT ALL shady site.... the other half is probably PacRim fans waiting for me to draw funney K-Science comics again, which might take a while cuz Uprising was one stinky pile of business that took nearly everything I loved from the first movie and farted on it til it died

Average amount of sleep: now that I’m out of the peaceful, quiet country in the middle of nowhere and live near the city where fire trucks and ambulances are wailing all hours through the night I can finally get a healthy 7 hours of sleep...

Lucky number:

What I’m wearing: school house rock shirt and pajama pants made entirely of screenshots from the original Star Wars trilogy

Dream Job: professional comic book writer/artist

Dream Trip: that one island in Japan with all them cats on it

Favorite Food: grilled pork kabobs... barely seared stake... crab cakes.... straight-up raw salmon... I think I’m closely related to carnivores or something...

Play any instrument: I USED to have a beautiful, crimson electric guitar with pearl frets, but my former landlord’s daughter’s baby daddy stole it amongst other things and fled the country and I’m constantly filled with rage because of it

Favorite song: the intro to Animal Planet’s Most Extreme.... reALLY hyped me up as a kid....

Play(ed) any sport: when I was a kid I played a lotta softball and soccer... I also rode my bike down hills at top speed and flung myself off on purpose because I was one of those little psychos that wanted to be a daredevil

Hair color: Black as my sin

Eye color: gold/brown

Language you speak/are learning: my duolingo has Spanish and French on it right now and I try to get my dad to teach me some Arabic and French words once in a while.... I just need a reason to speak a different language every day so I can learn and not be so very basic

Random Fact: I laugh like Marge Simpson

Describe yourself as an aesthetic/things: abandoned architecture, very vague cryptic sightings, 90’s web design, kitsch Dutch toys from the 1800’s, the first season of every hand-drawn animation where everyone looks super off-model, lonely aliens/monsters and the sweet, sweet aroma of cleaning products

Tagging: @yellowdraws @sugarkillsall @nopecontest @jakewikstrom @hey-rogby @kreuzader @valhallahalvorson if you’re boOOORRREDD

[october-rosehip]

OC Interview Meme- Ceilidh

I was tagged by @mocha-writes, who has tagged some of the usual suspects so I will tag... @madamsnark and @icylook, in case you need a timewaster.

I’m convinced all my art sucks lately so have a dollmaker Ceilidh. You can play with it here... http://www.rinmarugames.com/playgame.php?game_link=mega-fantasy-avatar-creator

1. What is your name?

“Ceilidh Tabris. It is pronounced KAY-leeh.”

2. What is your real name?

“Hero of Ferelden, Arlessa of Amaranthine, Warden Commander, Maestra Arainai? Pick one.”

3. Do you know why you were called that?

“Assorted reasons.”

4. Are you single or taken?

“Taken.”

5. Have any abilities or powers?

“All sorts. I can sew, I know how to cook, I'm decent at poisons... Ohhh you mean ways of kicking ass.” By her smile you can tell she knew that, and is messing with you. “I'm very good at stabbing things very fast, I get really mean when I'm angry, and I have a good relationship with the fade for a 'normal'. I drank Avernus' weird crap, too, so there's that.”

6. Stop being a Mary Sue.

“Unlike certain cuddly mages a universe or two away from me, I'm quite sure that term doesn't apply to me.”

7. What’s your eye color?

“They're green. Most people tell me they're my best feature.”

8. How about your hair color?

“Dark brown. Can't you tell? I have enough of it.” She tosses her mass of curls around, several loops of braid almost failing to keep them from escaping and frizzing out in all directions.

9. Have you any family members?

“Yeah! My family's huge. My dad, Soris, Shianni, all our adopted Crowlets; Zev's family now, and we have a daughter. Also, we found a cousin in Kirkwall. At least, we're pretty sure. He could be my brother, as similar as we look, but we don't have access to his records. But seriously, our noses, eyes, and eyebrows clearly grew on the same tree.”

10. Oh? What about pets?

“I still have my dog, and I keep a butterfly garden wherever I go. And, I mean, I have a sword with an undead dragon in it? Is that a pet?”

11. That’s cool I guess, now tell me about something you don’t like.

“Damn right, it’s cool. Anyway, I don't like politics, but I'm doomed to be involved in them, forever. I also don't like Chantry people looking sideways at my kid.”

12. Do you have any hobbies/activities you like doing?

“I love to read. I have those butterflies. Zev taught me to draw a little bit. We also have a slightly more personal hobby.”

13. Ever hurt anyone before?

“Of course. Often with much enthusiasm.”

14. Ever… killed anyone before?

“Did you notice that civil war we just had?”

15. What kind of animal are you?

“I don't do nice things to people who call me an animal. Just so you know.”

16. Name your worst habits.

“Other than fucking shit up for asshole humans? I... might have a bit of an issue with alcohol.”

17. Do you look up to anyone at all?

“All kinds of people. I didn't do any of it on my own, you know?”

18. Gay, straight, or bisexual?

“Bisexual is the best word, I think.”

19. Do you go to school?

“Aw, you probably think you're funny.”

20. Do you ever want to marry and have kids one day?

“I've done that. Though, I guess 'married' might be stretching matters, but like fuck I'm going to do that shit again.”

21. Do you have any fanboys/fangirls?

“I do, and it's weird.”

22. What are you most afraid of?

“Well, let's see... plenty of things. The world is scary. But I will tell you that I am NEVER going on my Calling and tradition can fuck itself.”

23. What do you usually wear?

“Ideally? Light linen or silk tunics and pants. Dalish leathers sometimes. Platemail more often than I want.”

24. Do you love someone?

“Very much.”

25. When was the last time you wet yourself?

“Other than when I was a baby? The beatdown I took on the way to Fort Drakon might have caused that. It's hard to tell. I don't remember it very well, but I was bloody, smelly, and concussed by the time I got there. That’s how humans deal with surrenders, for you.”

26. Well, it’s not over yet!

“What isn't, my life? Are you saying my time in human prisons isn't over? Because if that's the case, I should warn you that we're less alone than you think.”

27. What class are you? (High class, middle class, low class)

“Are you fucking serious? Oh, hah, you are. Well, I have several titles and a ton of money but I have no idea what half those forks are for, and my ears are pointy. Too many people in Denerim remember me as an assistant tailor, and in Antiva, it's complicated. I bought a house of assassins to save on the bloodshed, but that makes me technically a Crow, and most Crows were slaves. Yeah... it's weird.”

28. How many friends do you have?

“So many. Lots of people are decent if you just listen to them.

29. What are your thoughts on pie?

“Pie is useful. You can turn anything into pie. My favorite involves cheese and vegetables.”

30. Favourite drink?

“I like brown ale and I like chicory. Zev makes fun of me for both, but mostly because he likes to make me pretend-angry.”

31. What’s your favourite place?

“Hmmm... the beach, I think. Also, the roof. I like fresh air and I like people not knowing who I am, right away.”

32. Are you interested in someone?

“In what way?”

33. What’s your bra cup size and/or how big is your willy?

“All right, look, underclothing sizes are complete trash, and if you want something to fit, you have to have it made. I can help you with that. But if you want to know how big my tits are, they range from smallish to medium depending on if I've had enough to eat, lately. Being a Warden is hard on the grocery budget.”

34. Would you rather swim in the lake or the ocean?

“Ocean! The ocean is awesome.”

35. What’s your type?

“I like someone kind, and funny, and not too far above me.”

36. Any fetishes?

“Oh, tons. I'll try anything once.”

37. Seme or uke? Top or Bottom? Dominant or Submissive?

“I don't take orders well, that's for damn sure.”

38. Camping or indoors?

“I love camping. It was so strange moving back into a building after the blight. That said, I'm sure everyone I know is glad Zev and I have walls, now.”

39. Are you wanting the interview to end?

“Are you trying to see how far you can push me? Is that why you're asking? Silly you.”

40. Now it’s over!

“Hah! I win!”

[healthandfoodsblog]

The 3 Day Potty Training

Did you know it’s possible to potty train your toddler over a long weekend? Get the facts on the three-day potty training method, with tips for easing the transition from diapers to toilets.

3-Day Potty Training: How It Works

Parents can choose any three days for this potty training method. However, since it requires lots of time and effort, moms and dads usually prefer doing it on the weekend. (Bonus points if it's a three-day weekend!)

Prepare to spend most of the time at home focused on your child. "You have to pay constant attention to them so you can learn the cues that show they're about to go," says Brandi Brucks, an in-home potty-training consultant and author of Potty Training in 3 Days:The Step-by-Step Plan for a Clean Break From Dirty Diapers.

Follow this step-by-step guide to potty train your boy or girl in three days.

Step 1: Preparing for Potty Training

To begin this so-called "potty training boot camp," all you really need is easy access to the toilet. While some three-day methods suggest purchasing a child-size potty, Brucks counsels against this, since ultimately your child must get used to using a standard toilet. (You can use a kid-size potty-seat insert on your household toilet, though.)

Brucks coaches parents to start prepping their child two weeks in advance by talking frequently about the coming change. "Kids need time to process," she says. "So telling them in advance is much more effective than just one day saying, 'No more diapers, you're going to go on the potty,' which is too much all at once." She suggests using this two-week period to introduce the vocabulary of potty going—such as what it means to be wet and dry, for example—and how you'll be getting rid of the changing table so diaper changes can take place in the bathroom.

RELATED: 12 Common Potty Training Problems—And How to Solve Them

Step 2: Ditching the Diapers

Put those diapers aside! Many parents and experts recommend that your child stay naked—or at least without bottoms—during the three-day potty training method. That's because underwear might feel similar to diapers, which could lead to accidents. It's also easier to place your child on the toilet ASAP if they're already naked on the bottom.

What's more, nudity forces them to pay more attention to their body. "Children get immediate feedback that they're voiding or stooling," says Parents advisor and Atlanta pediatrician Jennifer Shu, M.D., the medical editor of the American Academy of Pediatrics' website, HealthyChildren.org. "If they're wearing underwear, training pants, or pull-on diapers, the sensation of being wet or dirty may not be as noticeable."

That said, some parents do prefer to use pants with elastic waistbands, dresses, or training pants (reusable, specially designed cotton underpants with extra layers of fabric between the legs.) Decide what option will work best for your child.

RELATED: The Best Potty Training Pants and How to Use Them

Step 3: Giving Excess Fluids

Give your child slightly more fluids than normal, in the form of water, juice, popsicles, watermelon, etc. They'll have to use the bathroom often, which helps them practice potty training.

Step 4: Sitting on the Toilet

Coax your child to listen to their body, and sit on the toilet when they know that pee or poop is coming, says Dr. Brown. You'll probably have to watch your child for signs they need to use the restroom. These can be subtle and can vary depending on whether your child has to pee or poop, but they often include a pause in play, a panicked or vacant expression, sounds (such as grunting), going red in the face, or passing gas. However, every kid is different, so watch closely.

Step 5: Visiting the Bathroom

Direct your child to the bathroom first thing in the morning, before and after naps, after meals, and before bedtime. Also ask your child if they need to pee or poop regularly. Some parents like to set a timer and put their child on the potty every 20 or 30 minutes. Brucks, however, doesn't recommend this. "Transitions are difficult for toddlers, and if every 30 minutes you're making them stop what they're doing and get up to use the potty, they'll melt down," she says. Instead, she advises watching for those all-important signs that they have to go.

RELATED: How to Deal With Potty Training Regression

Step 6: Managing Naps and Bedtime

You may be wondering how you'll manage naptime and overnights. Brucks suggests using pull-on diapers for sleeping—but with underwear worn over the diaper. "You're teaching them not to go in their underwear, and often if they see underwear, it seems to trick them into not going," she says.

Brucks also says that within a month of potty training, many kids will begin to stay dry for naps and overnight, provided parents remain vigilant—putting on the pull-on diaper just before bed and removing it as soon as they wake up so they don't use it instead of the potty. But for some kids, overnight training is a separate process altogether, and many aren't ready to sleep without protection against bedwetting until years later. (In fact, it's normal for kids to wet the bed through age 7.)

Step 7: Expecting Accidents

Unfortunately, into every potty-training journey, a little tinkle must fall: Almost no kids make it through this process without at least a few wet pairs of pants. But, counterintuitively, during the initial three days, accidents are a good thing, since they're key to the learning process. "You want your child to have accidents because they need to know what that feels like," Brucks says, "and you need accidents in order to learn those signs that they're about to go." Brucks stresses that you'll need to prepare yourself for a potentially long road ahead: "They're still toddlers—of course they'll have accidents," she says.

for more fellow my page please

[kellylanesvault]

How 42 Year Old Mom Flattened 20 Pounds of Belly Fat During Locked Down

The average U.S. waist circumference has also grown to an average 38.8 inches, up more than 1 inch in about a dozen years.

It’s more than a fashion crisis.

Belly fat, or visceral fat, is the most dangerous type of fat there is.

This deadly fat wraps around the organs deep in your abdomen, spiking your risk for diabetes, heart disease, stroke and metabolic syndrome.

You can’t see or pinch visceral fat, and it’s often associated with a large waist.

Ditch it and you’ll not only save your health, you’ll also lose weight and trim your waistline.

The good news is you can start blasting both types of fat today with these 10 healthy habits:

>>THIS Super simple trick that helped me burn at least 2 pounds a day while having milkshake and custard doughnuts for breakfast <<

Ditch Diet Soda

How bad can your calorie-free Diet Coke habit be for your belly?

Belt-bustingly bad, researchers say.

A study in the journal Diabetes Pro found that people who drank two or more diet sodas a day had waist-size increases that were six times greater than non-drinkers.

Diet drinks are loaded with deceptively sweet artificial sweeteners, which, researchers say, trick the metabolism into thinking sugar is on its way, spike insulin levels, and shift the body from a fat-burning to a fat-storing state.

Eat Three Squares

For years, diet experts beat the “multiple small meals a day” drum—an eating rhythm purported to “stoke the metabolic fire!”

Now, some researchers are singing a different tune. A study published in the journal Hepatology found that snacking between meals contributes to increased abdominal fat.

Researchers say the findings suggest three balanced meals may be the way to go. Try weaning yourself off the snack wagon by nixing your morning nibble first.

Research suggests mid-morning snackers tend to consume more throughout the day than afternoon snackers.

 Eat More Walnuts

Dietary fats are kind of like lovers.

Some of them make you a better person, and others—as you often discover too late—are catastrophically bad for your health.

The good news is, unlike shoddy boyfriends, dietary fats come with red flags.

The absolutely worst match for your apple-shaped figure? Saturated fats.

A study published in the journal Diabetes found that while unsaturated fat can help reduce abdominal fat, saturated fat can increase waist size.

Saturated fats, like the kind you’ll find in baked goods and red meat, “turn on” certain genes that increase the storage of fat in the belly, researchers say.

Polyunsaturated fats on the other hand, activate genes that reduce fat storage and improve insulin metabolism.

At about 13 grams per one ounce serving, walnuts are one of the best dietary sources. Sprinkle a handful on your morning oats or entree salad for belly-busting benefits.

Skip The Bootcamp

Open any fitness magazine, and it’s clear: high intensity interval training (HIIT) is having a bit of a moment.

But when it comes to your shrinking your belly, the start-and-stop exercise strategy won’t get you anywhere … other than into a larger pair of pants, researchers say.

A study published in the Journal of Obesity found people who performed interval training on an exercise bike for 24 minutes three days a week, actually gained 0.7 percent abdominal fat over a 12-week period.

Meanwhile, those on the same dietician-regulated diet, who performed traditional aerobic exercise—45 minutes of continuous moderate cycling three days a week—lost nearly 3 percent of their abdominal fat over the same 3-month period.

The study authors did note that HIIT improved fitness, but suggest that the only evidence to support interval training as an efficient weight loss method was research using young people who were already lean and healthy.

Remember: Workouts are only half of the equation; abs are made in the kitchen as they say.

 Eat the magical beans, Jack

There are diet pills on the market that actually work. They’re called beans.

Researchers suggest beans, as they’re particularly rich in soluble fiber, can lessen the accumulation of abdominal fat deposits.

A study by researchers at Wake Forest Baptist Medical Center found that for every 10-gram increase in soluble fiber eaten per day, visceral fat reduced by 3.7 percent over five years.

Fill up, without filling out, with just 1/2 a cup of beans.

If the musical fruits tend to leave you bloated, stick to canned varieties that have soaked long enough to break down much of the gas-causing oligosaccharides.

 Swap coffee for green tea

Green tea and weight loss are a natural pair.

Sipping on green tea throughout the morning has proven to whittle your waist, but too much coffee has the opposite effect.

What makes green tea so waist friendly are compounds called catechins, belly-fat crusaders that blast adipose tissue by revving the metabolism, increasing the release of fat from fat cells (particularly in the belly), and then speeding up the liver’s fat burning capacity.

In a recent study, participants who combined a daily habit of 4-5 cups of green tea with a 25-minute sweat session (or 180 minutes a week), lost 2 more pounds than the non tea-drinking exercisers.

Meanwhile, a research team in Washington found that the same amount of coffee (5+ cups/day) doubled visceral belly fat.

Be Unrefined

It’s not carbs, per se, that lead to belly fat; but the type, researchers say. In fact, whole grains are a dietary staple of people with the littlest middles.

A Tufts University study found that participants who ate three or more servings of whole grains per day (oats, quinoa, brown rice, wheat) had 10% less belly fat than people who ate the same amount of calories from refined carbs (white stuff: bread, rice, pasta).

Further research is required to figure out exactly why this is the case, but the hypothesis is it has to do with the high fiber and slow-burn properties of whole grains.

When it comes to diet, being unrefined is a good thing!

Sprinkle Pepper Everywhere

Meet Piperine, the fat blasting ninja!

A powerful compound found in black pepper, piperine has been used for centuries in Eastern medicine to treat multiple health conditions including inflammation and tummy troubles.

But recent animal studies have found that piperine may also have the profound ability to decrease inflammation and interfere with the formation of new fat cells—a reaction known as adipogenesis, resulting in a decrease in waist size, body fat, and cholesterol levels.

More pepper, please!

Use coconut oil for cooking

What smells like an exotic vacation and can shrink your waist faster than your favorite Zumba class?

You got it: coconut oil.

A study of 30 men in the journal Pharmacology found that just 2 tablespoons per day reduced waist circumference by an average of 1.1 inches over the course of a month.

What makes coconut oil superior to other fats is its medium chain triglycerides. Unlike the long-chain fatty acids found in animal sources of saturated fat, coconut oil doesn’t seem to raise your cholesterol and is more likely to be burned as energy than stored as blubber.

At roughly 117 calories per tablespoon, it’s a near identical caloric swap for olive oil. Plus, its high smoke point makes coconut oil great for just about every dish, from eggs to stir-frys.

 Indulge in Dark Chocolate

It’s every chocoholic’s dream: Research now shows that eating moderate amounts of dark chocolate can reduce overall body fat and shrink the waist.

A study among women with normal weight obesity (skinny fat syndrome) who ate a Mediterranean diet that included two servings of dark chocolate each day showed a significant reduction in waist size than when on a cocoa-free meal plan.

Researchers say it has to do with the flavonoids, heart-healthy compounds in chocolate that have important antioxidant and anti-inflammatory properties.

Just be sure you’re reaching for a bar with at least 70 percent cacao, and stay away from the “alkalized” stuff, which has a significantly reduced flavonoid content.

One last thing… you should try this super simple ritual that burns 2 pounds of belly fat per day…

“All this by your something-something ritual?” I asked.

I met an old friend for lunch last year and I was super impressed with how she lost 72 pounds in 3 months.

She said, “It’s not so much about the the so called ritual but more about how it releases fat-blasting molecules that signal your brain and body to burn off pounds and inches of trapped fat quickly and naturally.”

Even though I was skeptical, I’ve been struggling with my weight over the last few years, so I gave it a shot and watched the same video she did.

Well, it’s only a couple weeks later and you know what they say about how “you can’t transform your body overnight”…

They’re right — it actually took me 14 days to lose 20 pounds.

Now it’s my girlfriends asking ME what I’M doing differently

Imagine your body being beach ready before Memorial Day.

Imagine enjoying the foods you love: pasta, wine, or even a dessert — completely guilt-free.

And imagine feeling good and living your life without obsessing about every single calorie you eat…

All while knowing your health is being protected by one of the most powerful natural healing rituals ever discovered.

Click here to see the super simple ritual that helped me melt away 20 pounds in just 14 days

[poppymadness]

asks bby 😚 i love u

@alwaysdrowninginfeels said:100 questions is fun

hopefully 100 questions is fun to read, love u guuyysss

Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? soundcloud or spotify if i actually used any of these

is your room messy or clean? meesssyy

what color are your eyes? brown

do you like your name? why? uuh sure, i like that there’s a stone called amber idk it’s Nice 

what is your relationship status? 0 + 0 = 0

describe your personality in 3 words or less dumb, silly, somethin

what color hair do you have? brooownnn

what kind of car do you drive? color? don’t drive

where do you shop? i don’t consistently shop anywhere ??

how would you describe your style? i don’t have a consistent style i like multiple things fdhja, i rlly dig bomber jackets n ripped jeans tho bitch idk

favorite social media account idk if this is asking an account i love or what social medIA i prefer n just. the latter is twitter idk what to put here 

what size bed do you have? queen..? i think… idk bed sizes well..

any siblings? nope

if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why? mm don’t know

favorite snapchat filter? that fall one!! givin me the damn glasses and freckles n leaves falling idk why i like it so much dfjgad

favorite makeup brand(s) can’t answer….

how many times a week do you shower? …depression is a bitch averagely once or twice

favorite tv show? the walking dead, i guess

shoe size? 10 ½ i believe but that’s bc my feet are wide soo

how tall are you? 5′2″ a fuckin short ass

sandals or sneakers? sneakers

do you go to the gym? lol no

describe your dream date ok we can’t lie we know visiting a wolf sanctuary would be The One my dudes

how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment? i have no wallet and no money

what color socks are you wearing? i.. am not wearing socks ok

how many pillows do you sleep with? one or two usually

do you have a job? what do you do? nope

how many friends do you have? ultimately one hi ashley dhja love u cj i’m just goin with irl 

whats the worst thing you have ever done? iiidk i block out bad things i do and i also can’t remember anything before this morning lOL that bad

whats your favorite candle scent? ooh shoot idk, i’ve never had candles often anyways

3 favorite boy names ASHER, …brandon, uuumm idk david is nice

3 favorite girl names i don’t care as much.. djha imma skip it oops

favorite actor? bob morley is the go to my dudes

favorite actress? honestly?? danai gurira is precious 

who is your celebrity crush? dkja steven yeun fuck ya’ll he’s cute as shit

favorite movie? i guess i should still say manchester by the sea, i looove it

do you read a lot? whats your favorite book? does the dream thieves count… can i say the dream thieves, second book to the raven cycle series. is that vALID

money or brains? brains but this is dumb

do you have a nickname? what is it? not rlly 

how many times have you been to the hospital? it’s been so long since the last time, i don’t think i’ve gone for anything major rlly ever

top 10 favorite songs imma just put the ones that are my recent obsessions instead and maybe u listen to em cuz they’re Good mm

letdown by nothing, nowhere

all the kids are depressed by jeremy zucker

lovely by billie eilish w/ khalid

dream by bishop briggs

dark side by bishop briggs

warrior by aurora

all i have by nf

10 feet down by nf ft. ruelle

mansion by nf ft. fleurie i think

outcast by nf

do you take any medications daily? no

what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc) uh dry

what is your biggest fear? i’m honestly like tired n a bit numb i can not comprehend fears

how many kids do you want? this is a future question for a future me if i think i want kids Later

whats your go to hair style? i’m more often in a ponytail than anything else ever

what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc) small thin-walled apartment pls help

who is your role model? i honestly don’t think i’ve ever had one 

what was the last compliment you received? um probably ashley calling me cute at some point in time Recently

what was the last text you sent? kjdfa rp. for rp

how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real? fuck if i know probably around 10 or smth.. i could be way off

what is your dream car? if i drive a fuckin jeep wrangler bitch

opinion on smoking? mmm gross and just.. don’t smoke round me and we cool

do you go to college? gonna be lol fuck

what is your dream job? forensic dna analyst.. i guess

would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs? suburbs

do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? no

do you have freckles? yeeaaaah

do you smile for pictures? occasionally Now

how many pictures do you have on your phone? 273

have you ever peed in the woods? ….no….

do you still watch cartoons? no

do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds? mcdonALDS holy shit i haven’t had wendys in years

Favorite dipping sauce? sweet n sour

what do you wear to bed? usually whatever shirt i wore for the Day n pajama pants 

have you ever won a spelling bee? fuck no

what are your hobbies? …video games?

can you draw? ……..questionable……..

do you play an instrument? oh hell no

what was the last concert you saw? crown the empire/warped tour july 2016.. sigh

tea or coffee? coffee !

Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts? i’ve literally never had anything from starbucks

do you want to get married? um, debatable? depends on the person??

what is your crush’s first and last initial? i don’t have a crush rn

are you going to change your last name when you get married? if i do yh probably will

what color looks best on you? red doesn’t look bad? blue??? i don’t fucking know

do you miss anyone right now? ashleeey

do you sleep with your door open or closed? cloSED

do you believe in ghosts? not reeeaaalllyyyy but it’s.. a Concept dkjfa

what is your biggest pet peeve? i get really bothered by the sounds of someone eating dkjfa idk

last person you called? my mom, for 20 seconds, apparently

favorite ice cream flavor? i guess vanilla with chocolate chips iddkk

regular oreos or golden oreos? i. what the fuck are golden oreos?????

chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? rainboooow

what shirt are you wearing? a crown the empire shirt…

what is your phone background? my lock screen is adam and my home… is zen…….

are you outgoing or shy? lmao shy

do you like it when people play with your hair? not like it happens often but it’s kinda uncomfortable bc most ppl try to run their hands through it like it’s straight haiR?? like that hurts pls dkjfad

do you like your neighbors? i don’t fucking know my neighbors

do you wash your face? at night? in the morning? ,,,

have you ever been high? nope

have you ever been drunk? not like piss drunk naw

last thing you ate? STEAK

favorite lyrics right now i think i actually have one but i can’t remember what song it’s from dkjfa

summer or winter? winter

day or night? NIGHT

dark, milk, or white chocolate? milk but i like dark too…

favorite month? i don’t have one? march? june? november? dhfa choose from those

what is your zodiac sign pisces bitch

who was the last person you cried in front of? iiiii have no idea prob my mom from like Years ago, two or three years ago maybe 

[putthison]

What You Can Really Afford: Actual Workwear

Following up on Derek’s post yesterday about getting creative with a casual wardrobe based on workwear archetypes, I wanted to write a little about what remain some of my favorite brands, the ones that continue to make durable, inexpensive clothing for workers. Lines like Dickies and Carhartt, while they occasionally make gestures in the direction of fashion (usually to try to catch up to the cool kids wearing their gear in unintended settings), focus on making practical clothes that the wearer really won’t think about much. Unless you’re like me and spend as many hours searching eBay for classic Carhartt as doing manual labor most weeks.

There’s a reason many of us look for, say, Dickies collaboration pieces rather than real Dickies. Or “takes” on workwear from brands like Engineered Garments or Orslow. We’re used to seeking out clothing cut to flatter and made from comfortable, interesting fabrics. Those are not qualities you generally find on a rack of Ben Davis Gorilla Cut pants, for example. And I admit that the durability of real workwear is overstated. Brands tend to brag about toughness but a lot of this stuff is more disposable than anything. When workwear makes trade-offs among well-made, good-looking, and cheap, it usually values cheap.

Still, as with vintage, there’s a particular satisfaction in taking something designed with little aesthetic concern and fitting it into your wardrobe. It’s also fun to track down the sources for the modern versions of workwear we like, and to consider how others have taken workwear out of its clock-punching context and made it their own. I’ll stop short of saying it feels authentic because any authenticity here is thoroughly borrowed. 

Carhartt

Carhartt’s signature achievement is their use of brown “duck” fabric for pretty much everything--from hats to jackets to overalls. In my opinion brown duck (really more of a tan) is a great neutral and a sollid match with other things we like, especially in fall--blue oxford cloth, shetland sweaters, denim, olive drab ( see lead image on this post). The Carhartt piece I wear the most now is a blanket lined chore jacket--I think it’s the same model Brian from Wooden Sleepers mentions here.  But I’ve been meaning to get a pair of overalls. Carhartt has a decent “fashion” line as well known as Work in Progress (WIP).

As with many other workwear brands, with Carhartt I often size down on shirts and jackets and up on pants. Jackets fit big to accomodate layers and movement; on the other hand, pants are not vanity sized, so rather than squeeze into the waist of my “usual size” I’ll buy a size up. The pants aren’t going to fit trim either way. 

Dickies

Dickies have been everyone’s go-to cheap pants forever. Around since 1922, today the brand make a ton of legit workwear for many professions, including hi-visibility stuff for road work and medical scrubs. But most guys know them for the 874 work pants, a cotton blend chino that’s, frankly, as stiff as it is cheap (currently $19.99)--recognizable in part because of their wide belt loops and slide, rather than button, closure. You might spend more than $20 getting them hemmed at the dry cleaner, maybe one reason it’s sometimes been considered standard to just cut them off at the ankle (every time you cut off a pair of Dickies, Johnny Knoxville gets a $0.16 royalty check). Dickies have also long had a presence in hip hop/streetwear scenes, and have a number of well regarded collaborations in fashion, including with J. Crew and Sasquatchfabrix.

I like the khaki color and the Air Force blue--they’re a nice alternative to denim. Although they’re lighter than denim, the fabric blend is not, in my opinion, the most comfortable in hot weather. As with Carhartt, I suggest sizing up a little on the pants, and getting them tailored to fit, like Chris Gibbs, or DIY-ing it. Unless you opt for a stretch model, Dickies don’t have a lot of give.

Ben Davis

Although I’ve lived on the east coast all my life, I’ve always seen Ben Davis as sort of the West Coast-exclusive Dickies. We just didn’t see BD pieces around much growing up (which made them somewhat more desirable). Their pants (especially in the “gorilla cut”) have a rep for being a little baggier than Dickies--somewhat hilariously, they don’t make lower than size 30 waist in pants, and no size small for shirts. BD shorts, worn baggy and clean, often with high socks, are historically a mark of California gang style. Ben Davis are also known for their zip work shirts, a style I find a little hard to wear. Famously, Dr. Dre in 1992′s Let Me Ride video selects from a closet full of black Ben Davis shirts. 

Like many of these brands, Ben Davis benefits a lot from having a damn cool logo. Coincidentally, I learned a lot about many of these brands from writer Gary Warnett, whose site’s logo is a Ben Davis logo flip, and there’s allegedly a connection between the logo and that of X-LARGE, one of the first modern streetwear brands. Like a lot of American brands, BD has an entirely streetwear based presence in Japan. They also recently collaborated with Opening Ceremony.

Le Laboureur

Turns out people outside of the US do work, too. The stuff I’ve handled from French label Le Labourer--best known for work jackets and corduroy pants--is heavier and more refined than most of the American stuff discussed so far--of course it’s still made in France and not QUITE as cheap. Most of the American brands have offshored most or all of their manufacturing. A moleskin LL jacket will run you about $100, a wool one nearly double (I have this one myself). These are straightforward, unlined jackets, but they make for great outer layers in the fall and winter. Le Labourer is also known for making jackets for Junya Watanabe’s MAN line, which are a little trimmer and wilder--haven’t seen these widely available for a few years. LL makes some wild high-waisted, buckle back trousers but I’ve yet to track a pair of these down. This stuff has a more country feel than the American brands, and less hunting (like Carhartt) and more wandering fallow fields.

Le Laboureur outerwear is sized numerically. I’ve found that a size 3 fits me best (although not trim), and I’m usually a L in American brands. So, generally, size 1 is a small, 2 a medium, etc.

Expect more budget friendly workwear profiles from us next week.