#also tried to make it more in a psychological way BC YOU LIKE TO ANALYZE CHARACTERS UWU

[bluelolblue]

Happy birthday @evren-sadwrn ! I wrote this fanfic with Santino and Vincent for you! I'm really glad we became moots and I love yapping about JW characters with you (especially abt Santino) so I wanted to show you that I really appreciate you! This is my gift for you! 💖

The Roses

I hope you'll like it! Sending hugs! <3

So many different flowers grew in the garden. Especially roses. The D'Antonio family is fond of flowers but the roses are among the favorites.

Santino watched those roses through the window of his bedroom, they're beautiful to him, they have a special place in his heart. He used to plant them with his mother when he was a little boy.

"Santi."

He heard a familiar voice behind him.

"Vincent." Santino smiled as he saw him. "How are you, mon chéri?" Vincent hugged him, gently going through his hair from behind. Santino was a bit suprised to see him since he always let's him know that he's gonna come over.

"I'm okay. Thank you." Santino murmured, finding the hug rather comforting.

After the hug, Vincent pressed a gentle kiss on top of Santino's head, murmuring something in French as they sat on the edge of the bed.

"Are you okay? I heard you got hurt, too." Santino said, glancing him but Vincent seemed just fine. "Ah, nothing serious. Couple of bruises that's all." Vincent said, looking down at the floor before looking back at him.

"I'm sorry that happened, Santi. I did told you not to do that, didn't I? I didn't want you to get hurt." Vincent had a talk with some of his potential new associates but things kinda didn't go as planned and it got worse when Santino tried to help.

He ended up being hurt. Beaten up, calling out Vincent's name for help. However, Vincent didn't show up to save him.

"I know...I'm sorry-" Santino apologized but Vincent caressed his cheek, making eye contact with him. "No, don't apologize. It was my fault. And I didn't hear you calling me...I'm so sorry, Santi. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you." He said softly and pressed few kisses on his forhead while he held Santino's hands.

"You got hurt, too. I just..." Santino paused and sighed, looking to the side. "I didn't know who else to call out." He felt ashamed to admit to be this weak, but he had no reasons to feel ashamed in front of Vincent, right? They're dating after all.

"I should've been there for you, I'll never forgive myself that-" Vincent started to almost panic while saying all this, but Santino cupped his cheeks and pulled him into a kiss. A soft kiss on the lips. "I'm okay, I'm here, I survived it." Santino said softly, looking into Vincent's eyes.

Vincent nodded, taking a hold of Santino's hands and pulling them down as he held them. "I'm so glad you're okay." Vincent said and pressed a deep long kiss on Santino's lips.

Santino moaned softly into in the kiss, finding it difficult to even breathe when Vincent was kissing him like this. It got more passionate, with Vincent forcing his tongue into his mouth, eating him alive. And Santino was lost into the kiss just like always.

"I'll make it up to you, miel." Vincent whispered against his lips, wiping off saliva that was on the side of Santino's mouth. Santino sighed shakily and nodded, looking at him sympathetically. No. It was more in in a needy, admiring way. Just like he always looks at him when Vincent kisses him.

"Can I see your wounds, please?" Vincent asked after a minute. Santino blinked, snapping back to reality. "Yes...but they're just bruises." Santino said and started unbuttoning his shirt. Vincent helped him get it off, sliding it down his arms.

Santino's body had bruises of various colors. Some were more darker purple than the others. Over his torso, ribs and on his back. Vincent gently traced his fingers over each one, pressing gentle kisses on Santino's shoulders as he winced couple of times.

"They don't hurt as much anymore, they're healing already." Santino said, feeling Vincent's lips on the back of his neck. He was studying Santino's bruises on his back.

"I'm going to kill them, miel. I'll do it myself." Vincent said, actually sounding serious about it. Santino chuckled breathlessly, "I'd love to see that."

"I know you would." Vincent purred, smirking when Santino turned his head inviting him for another kiss. Hugging him from behind, kissing him deeply again, Vincent hummed before pulling from the kiss.

"Santi...if you need anything, let me know. Really, just tell me whatever you need." He said after the kiss and Santino put on his shirt again. "Well...I'd like to spend more time with you. You're here now so...would you stay a little longer?" Santino felt like he needed to stay closer to him. He needed some comfort.

"I'd love to...however I can stay only for half an hour. I have another business talk...is that okay?" Vincent offered. "More than okay." Santino smiled.

That half an hour went by quickly. They drank some coffee, talked a bit, cuddled, kissed...and that's it.

Santino wished Vincent had more time for him. Especially now. But he understands.

"I'm sorry, miel. I promise I'll make it up for you." Vincent said, fixing his suit, looking himself in the mirror. "Be good and drink painkillers, chéri." He said as he kissed him one last time. "I will." Santino smiled and nodded.

And Santino was left alone, again. Oh well, he at least got to see and be with him today.

//

As the week went by, Vincent would visit him sometimes, talk with him, how he's doing, just like he came the first time. But each time he would be more flirty, more touchy.

Until he offered something.

"How about..." Vincent paused, smirking as he fixed his tie and looked at Santino. "Tonight we spend time together? I have some free time then...what do you say?"

Ah, so he wanted that.

"Sure. I'm looking forward." Santino said, feeling himself blushing. Vincent chuckled quietly and leaned to whisper to him. "I hope you'll be in better shape by then. I don't want you to get even more hurt." That made Santino almost shiver.

"Don't worry about that." Santino said, feeling confident about it. Vincent nodded, "Good. See you in couple of hours, chéri."

Santino couldn't wait. He's gonna be with him again. He's gonna spend another night with him. No matter how much he got hurt he's willing to do this for Vincent.

Vincent's looking out for him. He cares. He loves him. He came to visit him to see how he's doing.

Waiting like for Vincent like a lost little puppy. Waiting for his attention. Hopelessly following him, his orders, desperately begging for love.

Santino went outside to look at the roses and to get some fresh air. It was evening, Vincent should be here any minute. The red roses bloomed beautifully, the right not too bring and not too dark red color.

Soon after, Vincent showed up. Finally. He's here again. For him. With him.

While Santino wanted this to be more romantic, he had some red wine prepared in the bedroom for them, Vincent just wanted to get to the point.

It seemed a little bit odd to Santino but he didn't want to question it, Vincent's here for him now and that's all that matters.

While taking Vincent's clothes off, he noticed that there were no bruises or anything on his pale skin. But it's impossible for bruises to fade that quickly.

"You alright, chéri?" Vincent asked as he noticed Santino kinda looking wordlessly at his body. Santino quickly looked up at him, chuckling softly before answering. "Yes. Sorry, I zoned out." Santino said, giving him a soft smile.

He didn't want to question anything now. He didn't want to ruin the mood.

"It's okay. Relax, miel." Vincent purred, kissing him and pulling him down with him. He let Santino have control tonight.

It was one of the best moments they shared. Santino on top of him, fucking him. He was rather gentle at first because he wanted to be...and because when he strained with few harder thrusts, his legs hurt.

But Vincent didn't really care about that. He just kept praising him, gripping his hair, moaning his name. Santino loved it. Loved every minute of it.

It seemed like hours, and they both wished it didn't end, this feeling.

Vincent gasped, gripping onto Santino's back, onto one of his worse bruises which made Santino whimper and cry out a moan. But fuck, it added to the excitement of this.

Vincent came first, moaning Santino's name and gripping tightly onto his hair and back. It hurt. That bruise hurt and Santino gasped a moan, feeling a weird feeling of pain and pleasure.

It didn't took him long to finish. To finish inside him, coming with a strangled moan, panting into Vincent's neck.

"Good boy, Santi. You did so good for me."

Vincent praised him, gently stroking his back, yet probably unaware of the pain he caused him. Or he was aware since he caressed that part.

Santino caught his breath enough to pull out and flop next to him. Groaning quietly in pain as the bruise just got more irritated. "Aw, did I hurt you?" Vincent asked, more in a teasing way rather than caring. "No..." Santino breathed out, closing his eyes to regain himself.

Vincent chuckled, he's proud of himself. Just like always.

After some time, Santino resting his head on Vincent's shoulders. "You don't have any bruises..." He muttered. "Hm? Ah, I suppose I have better immune system than you, miel." Vincent said and caressed his cheek. Santino hummed in response. Too tired to question anything more.

But it was strange. Maybe Vincent does have a better immune system.

"I think I strained myself too much..." Santino said and whimpered as he stretched a little. "Aww, you just need rest, chéri." Vincent chuckled.

He does need rest after this. His whole body ached even more.

//

After few days, Santino recovered quickly from the bruises and his body didn't ache as much anymore.

Yet, Vincent wasn't visiting him that often. He only came by twice in this week. But he enjoyed those two times.

So to suprise him and show him his appreciation for him, Santino cut three of the red roses from his garden and went to visit him himself.

Ah, Vincent was on the phone with someone when he came to visit.

"Santi?" Vincent asked once he finished his phone call, looking a bit puzzled at him. "I um, I hope I'm not interrupting anything...I just..." Santino got a bit nervous of course, thinking maybe it's not the best time.

"These are for you. I really appreciate everything you've done for me for the past two weeks...thank you, Vincent." Santino said, blushing and showing Vincent the roses. Vincent blinked, looking from the roses to him and then just kinda chuckled and took them.

"Thank you, chéri. They're very pretty." He said and leaned to kiss him. "Ah, you didn't have to. I was just worried about you so I had to see how you're doing." Vincent smiled at him.

Santino huffed a nervous small laugh before answering, "I still feel like I need to show you how much you mean to me. And...these roses are from my garden...three red roses." He just knew he looked absolutely flustered and it's something Vincent loves.

"You're so cute like this. Ah, my little Santi." Vincent purred and caressed his face. The way Santino was looking at him with admiration and love...it's cute. But almost pathetic to Vincent.

"I'll put them in the vase on my table so I can look at them every day and think of you."

Santino was never this much happy before. And Vincent could see that, see that spark in his eyes. He has him now.

"I'm glad you like them. Roses have beautiful meanings. Every color has. And...red means love." Santino said, tugging onto Vincent's tie once Vincent put the roses in the vase.

"I know, miel. Red ones are my favorite." He leaned to kiss him. A passionate kiss, getting Santino on his other desk and kissing him some more.

Three red roses. Love.

//

Another day passed. Santino was obsessively thinking about Vincent.

Then another day. Santino obsessively thinking about him again. And again. And again. And a week passed. Only texting each other.

A rainy day arrived. Santino returned from his meeting.

Going to his bedroom he was met with a letter and one single blue rose.

The letter said:

"I'm sorry for not seeing you this week, chéri. I'm really busy. However I do think about you every single day and wish you're next to me. Please take this blue rose that I send for you as my apology for not seeing you. I know you love the blue color and it was difficult to find a blue rose but you know me, I always manage everything. Hope to see you soon. Love you, miel."

It was written in Vincent's handwriting.

A blue rose? Santino has never seen a blue rose before.

"It's very pretty." He said to himself, smiling as he held the rose. A nice almost like royal blue color. "I wonder what it means."

One single blue rose.

Something's not right here. One part of Santino felt that.

Blue rose.

Mystery, they don't exist in the nature, they're hard to create.

Vincent didn't help Santino when he was calling him for help. He did heard him.

He heard him calling out for him.

He ignored him.

Vincent was fine. He wasn't hurt.

He doesn't have any bruises on his body.

Blue rose.

Unrequited love. If you love someone but you know that it can't be. A love that...can't be.

Three red roses compared to one blue rose.

True love and unrequited love.

It cannot be.

"I really love the blue rose, Vincent. Thank you. I love you."

"Always, Santi. Love you, too"

[seelestia]

YEEE NPNP!! college was nervewracking ngl (still is), at least when i started last year august iirc? but yeah! do you know what major you want? alas i cannot chill as much as i used to smh

heheh fr tho >:3 i think the fontaine arc was really well written and went into more depth (get it? depth? waters? ok i'll stop now) and because of how much lore we were given since it seems to be more complex ngl. as for myself, i'm sticking albedo and lyney under the microscope so i can understand them both better

especially albedo. i'd very much like to pick his brain the same way i wanna pick my boyfriend's- coughs

HEJSJD THE WAY I STARTED SMILING AFTER READING THE HCS,,needed that ngl cuz i've been stressed a lot. but i think bedo would be the kind of person who'd do that and create an artificial flower and then name it after me hehehe

but hey, who's to say wanderer wouldn't leave you a flower someplace where you can find it? just a small and sweet gesture and will very most likely deny it (and fails) when you tease him for it mwehehhe i can be devious too ya know or maybe even ayato leaves you a little present like a bracelet or hair accessory after a long day of work

AND NOO ITS OK I LOVE LISTENING TO UR RAMBLES TOO /gen /pos

actually yea i do have some new vibedo trivia! we've officially become engaged and he was the one who proposed first <3 that and he has a tendency to call me "sweet violet" since its an actual flower as well hehe. and tysm!! i'm honestly just doing my best to stay happy since my irl bedo is like very complementary to my personality if that makes sense? like he tends to wear darker clothing, i tend to wear a lot of pastels kinda thing. and so far, we're doing rlly good! sure there are some challenges we're dealing with now but im doing my best to stay positive ^^

also me being 20 ew. somehow i'm still being referred as old sheesh

ok im done rambling now im passing the mic to u hehe /lh

ah, truly. the price of education = freedom to chill !!! 😔 but alas, life is a ongoing journey with hurdles (and i happen to not be an athlete /j). currently, i have my eyes on a social science major atm! so i can hopefully pursue psychology :3 but my second choice is english bcs i cannot stray from the path of linguistics and literature no matter how much i tried /pos. ALSOSOSO if you don't mind, can you tell me more abt what you do in your course? i did my research on google but i think it cannot compare to someone with the actual experience™ ++ i'm just a curious cat and want to enable your rambles hehe <3 /lh

THE PUN, HELP. i agree, the fontaine quest deffo made some waves when it ended. OH I SEE!!! at first glance, i thought i could find a similarity between albedo and lyney (finding vi's type: a reality show jkjk we all already know it's albedo /hj) but the longer i looked, the more i questioned myself 😭 i do think that both of them are deeper than what people credit them for tho! albedo with his knowledge of khemia.... and lyney with his burdens as the next 'father'..... ooOOooO. some emphasis for now on lyney bcs of the 4.6 trailer that just dropped! DID YOU SEE IT YET VI 👁️ (but dw, i understand if you had no time / busy with college!) { the comment abt picking your bf's brain LMAO would he let you?? oh, truly, love is blind 🤭 /lh }

always happy to provide you with hcs!!! my brain buzzes with possibilities all the time && one of the things i love most abt selfships is analyzing how different personalities come together to form habits / idiosyncrasies / love languages of their own. like how albedo conjures up an artificial flower bcs he is simply reminded of his sweet violet — that is special and unique to you in a way. it's vv beautiful, i think!!

AND HSHDHWHSH. THE HCS??? vi, i cannot convey how much i appreciate you. i haven't indulged in my selfships for some time since i didn't have time to be active - so this made me SOSOSO happy aaaaaa!!! but wanderer definitely has left some flowers for me before bcs who else? i suggested the possibility of another suitor and he knocked me on the head (softly) YOWCHHH but hey, at least he admitted it was him! :3c and 'yato.... aghhhhh this man. he leaves a hairpin out in the open but tells me “not to touch it until he gets home” just so he can put it on me himself. he derives joy from seeing me hold back from snatching that thing up myself. meanie /j

AWWW THAT'S SO CUTE!! you two are the apt presentation of “opposites attract”. and i'm glad! i only have average experience with relationships but i think everyone agrees that a relationship isn't sunshine and rainbows all the time. that's as natural as our having good days and bad days in a week. i think what matters is how you both deal with them - and i believe in you & your bf! you're a good egg and ik your bf is too, so do what you both know is best <3 (forgive me if i sound like a grandma here /j BUT hooray to vi and irl albedo! my new fav couple yesyesyes)

[betouma]

hai... it's velvet (beyuwol & bejaeyoung) again. LMAO. who would've thought! today i'm here with asakura touma, a rather impulsive app... even though he's been in my head for weeks... so as you can tell i'm woefully underprepared but i'm happy to introduce you to him!

under the cut is a short rundown of his background and some plot/connection ideas! here is his profile (the only presentable page lmao). please LIKE THIS POST if you'd like me to slide into your ims. i also have discord/twitter upon request (and i'm definitely better at responding there... for the most part).

background

born in osaka, japan

has a messy family, grew up listening to a lot of fighting between his parents so he learned to take care of himself so he doesn't bother his already busy & stressed parents

eventually his parents divorced when he was in middle school, and he moved with his mother. his mother remarried, and touma now has a step brother who is significantly younger

unfortunately, his mother and his step-father also fight. but this time, not wanting his brother to go through what he did, ended up being the peacekeeper and the mediator. he learned how to analyze/observe his parents behaviours and traits and tries to get ahead before things blow up out of proportion (they start yelling at him too, it gets really bad every month, and he learns to tune it out somehow)

was always an artistic kid, he started graffiti art as a way to vent his frustrations because he has nowhere else to dump then. he ended up connecting with music for that same reason too

he can play the bass and the drums, was in a band in school for a while just for fun

loves dancing, fell in love with choreographing in general. he thinks it's a beautiful way to express yourself, he would make up random dances to trending songs that he can do with his brother

his mother and step-father started relying too much on him to communicate and the stress is becoming a lot to bear. graduation rolls around and they were too busy arguing with each other to come to the ceremony

he finally wants out, and he enrolls in a university in korea. his mother is hesitant at first because he'd be staying with his biological father who moved to korea, but she relents when he mentions that he got a scholarship

it still kills him to leave his brother though, and he doesn't want to but he feels like he'll start losing himself the longer he stays

ironically, he decides to major in psychology

also became a freelance dog walker bc to him that's his free therapy

plots/connections

friends from japan! he'd be happy to see people from back home. he's always welcoming and it's easy to talk to him, so he'd also approach anyone simply because of this one thing they share

someone for him to take care of that reminds him of his younger brother

maybe he... walks your dog sometimes! touma thinks he does a good job at it, but maybe your dog got scared of something that's out of his control and now it won't leave his house

inevitable... exes. someone that came from japan, or a summer roamnce when your muse was in japan, that he ended up meeting here too. he's also been here since at least 2-3 years ago, so a more recent ex can work too! he can be dense and 'too friendly', might've acted more like a friend than a partner. would've coddled instead of treating his partner like a proper equal because he's not used to being taken care of instead lol

dancing friends! someone he would dance with, share choreos with, film tiktoks with... things like that

someone who scared him when he was doing graffiti art somewhere and in reflex he sprayed you with his paint... woops

uni friends, fellow artistic friends, friends who can teach him how to sing, composing friends that he thinks are inspirational

an almost fwb situation except he thought he was genuinely going to your home to see your pet and to eat actual ramyeon. he did not get the hint!

someone who noticed that he gets a little too involved when there's an argument happening around him which is... a bit! worrying! maybe!

someone that can use a 'therapist friend' except he's actually a psych major and it kind of just happens

anything and everything! i love talking about dynamics and whatnot B)

[cottagehowell]

Hello it’s SRS once again!! Hope you’re having a beautiful week :)

These dances sound AMAZING and I love that you incorporate classic rock into the routines and that it strikes such a chord with students! You know for sure 10 years down the line one of these kids will hear come together or something and inadvertently launch into an entire choreographed routine, much to the confusion of everyone around them lol. Have you danced/taught dance for a long time or is it a newer role for you?

OK good to know about the albums!! I am growing increasingly intrigued by the monkees based on your wild & crazy tales and would LOVE some recs!! What songs/albums/etc. would you recommend to get started?

Also yes please tell me about the Mike nesmith imprinting!! I see his name everywhere & am curious to understand the full psychological reasons why you have grafted on to him like a chick to a mother hen

Congratulations on officially having finished your finals!! I hope they went swimmingly :) do you have any plans you’re looking forward to for winter break (if you have a winter break)?

Also you’re a CS major? So brave I truly could never. I barely know how to use a computer let alone make it do NEW things… crazy & wildly impressive. What draws you to computer science?

I study environmental biology! Very fun huge fan but yes the amount of extra labs etc. is crazy. I will actually need to learn R or something next semester for a biostats class but that’s a problem for later… I literally tried to download R on my computer this summer but got stuck on that for an hour and gave up 😭

Have a WONDERFUL time relaxing from the stress of finals!! Hope you get up to something fun this week <3

Omg so sorry for going mia for a week….. now that the semester’s over my sense of time has gone out the window 💀

Your finals were this week, right? I hope they went well!! Sending you all the good vibes 🩵🩵🩵 Do you have any fun plans for your break?

I started dance when I was 2 (lol) and started teaching when I was 17!! So I’ve been teaching for a little while but not like forever lol

I think their first album is a good place to start!! It has more of a pop vibe but has some really catchy songs and sometimes gets a little psychedelic. Last Train to Clarksville was the big hit from that album. I’d also recommend listening to the soundtrack from their movie Head, the music is really really good. You probably already know I’m a Believer and Daydream Believer, so beyond that I’d recommend For Pete’s Sake, Early Morning Blues and Greens, Randy Scouse Git, Listen to the Band, Pleasant Valley Sunday, Goin’ Down, Words, Auntie’s Municipal Court, and Magnolia Simms. The four of them have such different musical influences, so I tried to get a little bit of everything here!

In all honesty, it’s mostly just that Mike is hot. (I think he’s at his hottest mid 70s through mid 80s, but he’s still really cute in the first season of the show as well. Plus in the pilot he looks so young!! Baby.) But he was also really talented and influential even though he never gets credit for it bc of the stigma against the monkees. He was a pioneer of country rock as a genre! He was a major player in the development of music video as we know it today! He created the direct predecessor of MTV and won the first Grammy for music video! He got into VR in the 90s! His mom invented Liquid Paper! The man is fantastic for trivia. On the show, he’s kind of the leader of the group, so I think that also contributes to the cult of personality. When you get into analyzing his gender and sexuality, it gets really interesting really fast. Also he’s an only child raised by a single mom, so he’s kinda sensitive in a way that resonates with me bc I’m an only child too :) But it’s very important to note that he was a complete asshole while the monkees were a thing and also he was a total dick to his first wife (Phyllis deserves so much better, she’s such a queen). So we stay #mikecritical while still thirsting over him. Oh and also his solo work is really wonderful if you’re into country :)))

Glad to be done with finals, yes! I got a 98 on my database exam, which pushed me up to an A from an A- :) I had a project that I finally turned in this past Sunday, so finals week dragged on a little longer than I would’ve liked, but I’m done now!! In January I’m gonna be spending a couple days at a friend’s house, and I haven’t seen her in several years, so I’m super excited :))) also I’m looking at taking a tap dance workshop later this month which will be lots of fun!

What’s really interesting to me about CS is the logical thinking & math aspect, like I enjoy being able to turn my people brain off and just think like the machine. It’s like a logic puzzle which is fun for me :) Plus the sense of accomplishment for having made something! Usually “making” something refers to more creative areas, so CS is kind of unique in that way. And then when your code works there’s that moment of “look!! I made it do the thing!!!”

Omg tell me more about environmental bio!! How did you become interested in it? It’s so cool when people are into more specialized areas of science bc there’s like a whole new world to hear about!! And best of luck with R 🫡 I’ve never had to use a functional language so you’ll have to let me know what it’s like!

I can’t believe Christmas is so close!! It really snuck up on me!! Do you have any traditions/events you’re looking forward to? Staying in bed half the day post-finals?? (That’s what I’ve been doing 🙃) Any hobbies you’re excited to have time for over break?

Much love, talk to you soon!! 🩷🩷🩷

[cinnamonest]

Xiao - Yandere Profile

Y’all big horny for yaksha boi too??? Excellent.

Remember how I said Kaeya and Diluc were like a game on hard mode? Xiao is Dark Souls on the 6th stacked difficulty of New Game Plus.

I really like Xiao on an analytical level because he's an excellent candidate for the debate some have as to the nature of selfless vs selfish love... He's a good one to analyze for that debate bc holy fuck does this man have some of the most selfish, inconsiderate love out there. He's brutal as fuck. I feel like his would be such an interesting balance of wanting returned affection and being really obsessive, yet being so uncompromising and not really at all hesitant to wreck your shit. This is the longest one I've made, too, I had a lot of thoughts lmao.

Fun fact, when I first heard his name was Xiao I assumed it would be the hanzi for "dawn" since I've seen that used in Chinese given names sometimes... Nope, I'd never seen the hanzi for his name before so I looked it up and it's like an impish demon creature lol

I had a dilemma between to go for tsunyandere or kuuyandere, but I was in a dark content mood so I kinda went kuuyandere route.

-------

tws: mentions of mutilation (on reader), mentions of violence and torture (on rivals), kidnapping, Xiao is very lacking in empathy and borders on sociopathic behavior (which can be triggering to some people), mentions of misogyny bc I'm just gross like that, generally dark and awful

tws (below cut): noncon, more mentions of mutilation goddammit Xiao, forced submission, also generally dark and awful

This is probably the darkest one I've written, so, that's a fair warning.

------

What are they generally like? Lucid, aware? Obsessive? How do they behave?

Aware, over time, and very irritated by it, really. He's above... Feeling things. He changes with time. He starts off a bit irritated, flustered even, which is something he's never really experienced before. Honestly exemplifies the "boys are mean to you because they like you" trope, he will go out of his way to be harsher and colder towards you because how dare you make him... Feel things. He'll be exceptionally harsh in how he speaks to you, even more than others. But... once he realizes it drives you away, he'll realize that he actually wants you around him.

But that's the thing - Xiao doesn't normally go out of his way to do anything to anyone, really. He's cold and a bit aggressive because he's bothered by or just doesn't really enjoy people, but if they leave him alone, he leaves them alone. You're different - he feels a weird, uncomfortable feeling in your presence, but he still wants your presence anyway. It's a lot of new sensations for him, and it's overwhelming. So many new feelings.

One, he doesn't understand why his stomach flutters when you smile at him, why chills run down his spine when you accidentally brush your hand across his. Well, he understands what it usually means for humans - but he's not human, surely, there's no way he could possibly experience that same "love" humans do, right?

Love is horrible after all - he's seen how humans obsess over it, how much tragedy it can bring to their lives, and, in particular, how much of a fool of themselves humans often make when "in love", especially the men.

He thinks he's above the human feelings, so he'll deny it to himself at first. It will likely be some kind of breaking point for him, particularly one in which you're in danger. Normally, he couldn't care less about people in danger - if someone isn't strong enough to protect themselves, they die, that's just how the world works. But he sees you shoved down, another human looming over you with murderous intent in their eyes, he sees the fear on your face and the tears streaming down and something in him snaps and bursts and gives way to the intense emotions he's tried to shove down. He'll go wild, and make quick work of the offender. And you'll thank him for saving you of course, even if the display was a bit horrifying to see.

It's not only that intense nervousness in the others presence, but an enjoyment of their presence. It's so contradictory and he hates it - he feels so nervous, so jittery around you, yet at the same time, something about your presence, your smiles, your voice is addictive to him and he needs more of it. He enjoys spending time with you - a new sensation.

Over time, as he becomes aware of how he feels, he becomes less flustered, more stone-faced and matter of fact about it. He accepts that he feels a sense of affection, now his concern is how to handle it. He just has no idea how to begin going about it. Does he just try to suppress it? Act on it? He acknowledges the possibility of rejection, what then? Of course, rejection wouldn't make him stop wanting you with him, it wouldn't even really deter him, but it would make things more difficult than if you accepted it. He spends a while contemplating, just trying to make sense of it all.

He ends up laying awake at night with you in his mind - it's pathetic, it irritates him. No human is important enough to occupy his mind. And yet, even if he tries, he can't stop. And, as much as it disgusts him, he finds himself feeling very physical sensations when thinking about you. That's the most irritating part, to him. He's always viewed humans' drive to copulate as disgusting, and really a pathetic weakness - again, he's seen the absolutely foolish things human men do and the extensive lengths they go to for just a spare crumb of sex. So the first few times he ends up getting a physical reaction to those late night thoughts, he'll try to ignore the throbbing and just go about his night, but eventually it starts to get painful. That's the point at which he decides he can't just sit around and do nothing.

How likely are they to kidnap their darling? How quickly will they do so?

Unavoidable. But not the absolute fastest. He's far too confused by his feelings at first, and doesn't understand why he has the urge to do so. He'll experiment, spending time around you, trying to figure himself out. His prideful tsundere nature comes out then -- it's not like he enjoys your presence, no. He feels something very strange about you, and one of the possibilities in his mind is that perhaps he's being drawn to you because his subconscious perceives you as an enemy, perhaps. Something in him knows that you're up to no good, so he has to follow you, maybe. Those reasons are far more likely than actually enjoying being around you, he thinks.

As he comes to understand it better and is forced to acknowledge that he feels an affection for you, he begins to feel a darker urge. One of the things that forces him to recognize said affection is how much it irritates him to see you talk to others. He rationalizes this, as it is perfectly normal for humans to feel jealousy, isn't it? ... But are humans this upset when they see their beloved talk to their own family? Is it normal? Is it a thing with just the males, and that's why he feels that way? Surely the humans don't get this upset, or else they wouldn't let their beloveds have friends and speak to others, right? He doesn't really feel guilt for the urges, but he does feel bothered by the notion of having some abnormal desire, wonder if there's something wrong with him.

Well, he starts thinking back to history, and all the things he's witnessed, and that gives him... an idea. Teyvat has been around a long time. There have been several cultures and societies that did keep lovers... restrained. Confined to a house... forbidden from speaking to others... and that idea sounds nice, he thinks. Back in those days, no one would bat an eye at his desire to keep you away from the world, right? So really, it's not abnormal or weird at all. Things just change with time, but there's nothing abnormal about him, it's perfectly normal to want to prevent you from ever speaking to anyone else ever again. Sure, those cultures never went that far, but... it's the same idea, right?

So, he decides, there's nothing wrong with him, and in that case, he doesn't have any guilt or concern for your desires to hold him back. He's another one to take a fairly barbaric route -- he'll be one to show up while you sleep, clamp a hand over your mouth, gag you and tie you up, before leaving right out your window. He'll find an isolated, quiet, well-hidden place to reside, one with an enclosed, windowless room to keep you confined.

He doesn't like it, but he's not completely lacking in understanding human psychology. He wouldn't like to be in your shoes, wouldn't like if someone did to him what he's going to do to you, so he understands why you'll be upset, he prepares for it, even. He's not a delusional. So, from the beginning, he's already planning out how to make you compliant and love him. He settles on a simple tactic: utilize what he knows to force your human nature to love him.

How difficult is it to escape from them? How do they keep you restrained? How do they deal with attempted escape? 

Once you do get kidnapped, it's pretty tight security. Kind of like Albedo, he'll take you far away from society. Again, he's not super concerned with your desire on the matter, since this is about keeping you with him, it's about his imperatives. He doesn't really want to harm you, though, so there is a slight consideration. He's stuck on a balance of wanting to keep you agreeable and obedient, but keeping you confined is most important, so he'll try to keep it a bit comfortable. He'll get you a nice bed, very soft things. He's so nice, he'll even get you leather cuffs instead of metal ones. But you will be getting restrained, and no amount of begging will get him to take them off. He'll also give you nothing to do, and probably nothing to wear. Clothes are a waste and totally unnecessary when no one but him sees you. And the boredom will make you compliant. You'll be so unbearably bored that talking to him will be like a privilege. You'll start to look forward to it. You'll bond with him. He'll be your only source of mental stimulation. He's smart enough to figure that out when he's in the planning stages of your confinement, and already has this planned out.

Because he... struggles to feel high amounts of empathy when it's about what he wants, it's doubtful he'll ever really lighten up without incentive. Sure, he could lighten up on your restraints, but why should he? Sure, it would alleviate your suffering, but it would present the slightest chance of an escape. Your comfort isn't worth the insecurity and worry he'd have throughout the day. Why would he be so foolish as to feel that it was?

Escape attempts are an ultimate transgression to Xiao. He understands your stubbornness and anger to the extent that they don't hurt him too much, but an escape attempt is one of the few things you can do that make him feel genuine hurt. You won't get away for long, he will hunt you down in no time and he will ensure you're discouraged from ever attempting that again. He's not very hesitant to be brutal. Really, he doesn't want to hurt you just for the sake of it, but he knows how powerful fear and pain are. He'll make sure you are strongly dissuaded from another attempt. If you're, miraculously, brave enough to try again, he'll have to take a step further and make sure you can't.

How easy are they to trick, deceive, or manipulate?

Don't. He's not stupid, he tells you, the moment you try anything. And you really, really, really should be trying to avoid making him mad. Honestly, if you're at this point, you'd have to be either incredibly unafraid of pain, or just crazy to try and do anything that could result in his anger. He'll shut it down almost immediately, and tell you exactly that.

How lenient are they? What privileges can you have, and what will you be denied?

He knows you need food and all that, so he'll generally get you whatever you want to make for yourself. He's got a limited list of things he's willing to eat so you'll quickly find yourself asking for the privilege of getting different foods please I'm begging you for something other than almond tofu, and he'll get you whatever you ask for, at least in that regard. He's not going to starve you or anything. But you'll find it's probably one of the only things you get much of a choice on.

If you want any relief from the harsh restraint and boredom, you have one option: succumb.

No amount of disobedience or disagreeableness will have him letting up on you. You might think you can hold out and be stubborn long enough to get him to cave, but you'd be wrong. You will crack before he does, and he knows it. He'll simply punish your disobedience, and wait out a bit more. And wait, and wait, and wait, because you won't last long. It's inevitable that you will succumb to him, start to crave him, start to be sweet and affectionate, and bond with him. At that point, maybe he'll let you walk around - hey, getting your muscles back to normal from the atrophy can be a bonding activity. And he might give you some approved tasks or books or the like. But at the first sign of a regression, the first sign of disobedience, the first sign of rejection from you, that will be gone, and you'll have to earn it back, starting back at square one.

What kind of rules do they have? What kind of punishment would they use?

Don't run away. Obey everything he says.

He doesn't make a rule against fighting him, really, and he doesn't need to. You'll be far too terrified of him to try, and even if you did, it would be like swatting a fly, he could disarm and incapacitate you in seconds.

And now, we get into one of the darker yanderes. Once again, Xiao doesn't really get emotions too well, and doesn’t understand his own all that much. His brain thinks in actions and results. If you're trying to run away, he'll simply have to make it so that you can't... ever again. He is one of the most likely yanderes to be open to truly, permanently incapacitating you to a severe degree to keep you with him. He understands why you're upset, but surely you knew the consequences, right? You tried to run away, it only makes sense that he would do something like this, you should understand that, even if you don't like it. You're foolish to try and talk him out of it, what, do you think he's going to be persuaded by you crying? If you were that opposed to it, you shouldn't have tried to run. Really, he doesn't understand why you humans do things as if there's no consequences.

Xiao... doesn't feel guilt. When it's something unintentional, something he didn't mean to do, he can, but when it's about what he wants? There's none, really. He usually goes on what works best for him, and for the most part, that's keeping you happy. But when your happiness goes against keeping you with him, his imperative takes priority. You'll get over it eventually, and he'll help you. He can carry you wherever you need to go, you don't need to walk.

How do they deal with rivals, or perceived rivals? Will they get rid of them? Will they kill them themselves, or find another way?

Eek.

Yeah it won't be pretty. He gets mad about rivals, and he perceives everyone as one. He's another one that doesn't really distinguish between romantic rivals and rivals for attention - your family and friends are just as much of a problem as any love interests, because you smile at them, you pay attention to them, you like them, and just that knowledge makes an unbearable rage boil inside him.

He's desensitized to violence, and doesn't really understand how it affects normal people - he won't think of how it might affect you to see it, so slaughtering people in front of you comes naturally to him. He's actually one of the ones who might get angry enough to make it slow, making sure they know what they did wrong, even if that consisted of simply being a stranger who smiled at you. If you react negatively, he won't really understand. He has some, but doesn't possess a lot of empathy. He'll chalk it up to you being a hysterical, emotional human with your incapacitating aversion to violence. He's glad he doesn't have such a strong aversion. Would make his job rather difficult.

How easy is it to make them mad? What does their anger look like?

He's pretty easily set off. He gets frustrated because he thinks you're being unnecessarily difficult, and frankly he's very used to getting his way with things immediately. In his life, most of the things he wants are either given to him very easily, or are easily obtainable with a simple exertion of violence. Usually he can just, well, kill and slaughter and maim his way to any result he desires. This is one of the first issues he's dealt with that violence won't solve. Well... maybe not the extent he's used to. But nonetheless, perhaps a bit of controlled violence can solve his problems, at least to an extent.

His anger is, as you can imagine, terrifying. Sure, he'll reassure you that he won't kill you, but you can't get out of your head the images of the things you've seen him do by that point, the people you've undoubtedly seen die and suffer at his hands. He snarls and speaks in a deep, booming voice when he's at his angriest, and it's enough to make you panic. If he's angry enough, he knows he can't be around you, because he fears hurting you further than he means to, so he'll likely leave. If it's enough that he feels he can control it, though, it's not pretty. He's one to hold something in his hands and squeeze it to alleviate anger so hard it breaks. Just hope that doesn't happen to be your hand, arm, shoulder, or any other part of your person.

So they see you as above them, beneath them, or equal to them?

He doesn't... really care? I'm tempted to say far below, but really, the whole concept of relative value of humans and status and the like holds no meaning to him. He thinks it's foolish and pointless to even ponder such things.

As for his superiority in certain things, it's different. He's smarter than you. He's stronger than you. He's faster, he's more perceptive, he's more capable, he's wiser, he's more skilled. These things are just facts, they are the undeniable reality, he thinks. However, he doesn't really assign these things as having any ties to the relative value of an individual, and in his mind, humans don't really, either. Didn't they prioritize the lives of children? Children are far lesser in every way, but humans treat them as most important, even if they rightfully see them as inferior in every way. So it's the same with him, he thinks. In every field, you're inferior, but that doesn't really matter, worth and relative position are worthless human ideas.

As for treatment, however, he treats you as lower, which is all that really matters. He wants obedience and submission, and he'll get it, no matter what extent he has to go to.

How determined are they for you to love them? How hard will they try to make it happen? Or are they content just having you?

He's in the middle - one of the ones that would LIKE for you to love them, but in the end, even if they feel like you never will, they still want you anyway. He'll never stop trying, though.

He's got a lot of pride and wouldn't resort to groveling and desperately trying the way some would. Like a few others, he kinda automatically feels like he deserves the things he wants, including your love. But his unfamiliarity with human emotions leads him to be a little confused and unable to read you. He knows humans play "hard to get," and may assume that's what you're doing. And he recognizes that by kidnapping you, he is removing you from your friends and family, so he concludes that you're only mean to him because you're mad. And anger settles down with time, right? He also knows that, even if humans don't like someone, if they're forced to spend time around them, they'll form a bond. So what he concludes is that simply time is needed. Time to let anger simmer down, time to forget about those others, time to inevitably come to depend on him.

With his experimentation, what he discovers is that even if you aren't affectionate, he is still happier with your presence than without. So he'll keep you no matter what, he decides. You'll come around eventually. And gradually, even if it's ever so slow, you will. You will, no matter how hard you may fight it, the effects of such isolation are ultimately inevitable.

Some yanderes might be upset by the notion that they have to mentally deteriorate their darling to obtain love - they want you to love them "organically" and feel like love born from mindbreak and isolation isn't "real." You might think he'd be like that, due to his tendency to be prideful, but he's actually not. Xiao doesn't understand emotions well enough to distinguish little differences like that. Sure he had to use a strategy, but it's still love, isn't it? It's the same thing, so why should how it came about matter? It took a little bit of extra work, is all. And although he won't say so, he thinks you're worth it.

Bonus: Is there anything that makes them unique, in comparison to other yanderes?

Is somewhat reluctant to confess to you and may try to come up with some other reason as to why he did it, but it's kinda obvious when he's so concerned about you, so blushy and flustered in the beginning and the way he runs his hands through your hair when he thinks you're asleep. But yeah, initially he might try to think up some way to explain why your kidnapping is for some other weird complex reason he made up, and not just because he really REALLY wants you all to himself.

He's also very matter-of-fact about things. He says things with a straight face, no matter how horrifying, sweet, or inappropriate they may be. Doesn't matter if he's finally confessing his love, talking about how he wants to keep you locked away forever, or threatening to break your legs, it'll all generally be carried with the same facial expression and tone of voice. The only difference is the eye contact and slight blush if it's one of the former.

You may be able to catch moments of vulnerability, especially late-stage, months into your new life. If you've been highly affectionate, and he trusts you, he might seek some reassurance every now and then, in a soft, quiet voice, for a few precious moments of gentleness that don't come very often.

As aforementioned, Xiao has little to no sense of empathy nor guilt when it comes to obtaining the things he desires. What he does feel is wanting you to be happy... because it makes him feel good inside. In a way, you could say his love is incredibly selfish, because it's entirely about his happiness when it comes down to it. Normally, seeing you happy makes him happy, so your imperatives line up. And he's willing to maybe change some things to make you happier -- ok, fine, sure, he won't torture them to death, he'll just kill them. But he has limits to how much he'll compromise for you. Ultimately, when your imperatives don't align with his, he won't even consider yours for a mere moment. His brain just can't really consider anything but acting for his own desires. When he gets mad at people for hurting you, it's because it's an insult to him. It's part of why he's one that will settle for having you - ultimately, what he wants matters more than your happiness... but that's because he wants you, and loves you so, so much, you know? Don't think it's not love, though. It's incredibly selfish, self-serving, and inconsiderate, but it's hard to say it's not love.

Somewhat relating to the above, he realizes pretty quickly you're likely afraid of him, especially after what you've undoubtedly witnessed by that point. He doesn't want that, really. He wants a healthy level of fear, just enough to avoid running away, but he doesn't like seeing you cry and tremble because you're so afraid of his brutality. He doesn't help, though, because he thinks you fear death, and death alone, and in his lack of understanding, he will go through a very specific list of exactly what he will do, which frankly would only serve to make things worse.

"It's alright... I won't kill you, you know. You're foolish if you don't understand the difference... They only died because they wanted to take you away from me. You're the reason they died, so, I wouldn't kill you... I've already decided what to do at certain points. If you try to run away once or twice, I'll just break your legs, and if you try a third time, I can just take your legs off. That should prevent any further attempts, so I have no reason to kill you. So you shouldn't be so upset... don't look so afraid all the time. What? No, I don't mean your whole legs... just at the feet. Why are you still crying? I can just take off one if it's that upsetting... It's only if you run away."

You should probably know that he doesn't make empty promises, either.

General perverseness: how sexual of a person are they? What’s their drive like? How touchy do they get? Do they have any reservations about sexuality?

Boy has no idea what to do. He's only ever jerked off and always feels disgusted when he does, he only has anatomical knowledge of female bodies from medical diagrams he's seen once or twice.  Not that he'll tell you that. But you'll know, I mean, once he forces your legs open he's just staring in both awe and confusion, probably just sits there for a moment slightly flustered because?? Where's he supposed to put it in?? How does he do this? He'll figure it out, but it might take a few rough thrusts of him just rutting against you.

Drive goes from non existent to highish, he's got what you call a reactive sexuality. Really, he used to just jerk off only to relieve the buildup, because he found it gross whenever it would happen in his sleep. Reactive sexualities are when a person doesn't have a super high drive on their own, but will react to stimuli from persons or sights around them, and will get significantly higher when around someone they love. Before, he never had anything to react to, so he rarely got horny, but now? He has you. And you... Trigger some reactions.

And that being said, he's so unfamiliar with horniness and sex that it's constantly an exploration process for him too. He'll spend some time just... learning. Touching here and there, figuring out what makes your breath hitch and toes curl. It's a fascinating thing to him, really.

He doesn't talk about it much, nor during, he just kind of... acts. You don't get much of a verbal warning, he'll just kind of pick you up and move you around to however he wants.

Pretty decently sized, but isn't aware of it. He hasn't had the opportunity to be around too many other people to know. If you try to tell him it's too big for you, he'll just be incredibly confused, isn't your body literally made to be able to do this? He's actually not going to get particularly smug or anything, he just sees it as an irritation that you're so reluctant and try to fight because of it, but he does like watching you convulse and squirm once he's already in you.

He's actually not that much of a sadist, so much as he likes power. Pain is par for the course, it's a part of every aspect of life and he's essentially desensitized to it. But power and control, now that does something for him.

How forceful are they? Do they care about your willingness?

Not particularly concerned with it. Once again, he's decided to utilize what he knows to maximize your acceptance and love. He knows that orgasms release a bunch of feel-good chemicals, that they cause bonding, that they make you more complacent, and, for the sake of submission, that it'll humiliate you and make you unable to really defy him, as he can hold it over your head, and with time you'll accept him. Over time, he knows, you'll come to crave any physical touch you can get. And while he's more than willing to hold you and sleep curled up with you, he'd be lying if he said this wasn't his favorite and preferred form of physical affection.

Besides, he's been fighting off the urges for forever at this point, he's not going to wait around. Pretty much will be ready to do it as soon as you wake up, and you'll probably already be bound up and lacking any clothes by the time you do. He's not very hesitant. It's yet another case of wanting what he wants and getting what he wants. He's one that will bound you up pretty heavily, hands tied above your head, legs pulled back and tied to the headboard, so it's not like you can do much against it anyway. He understands your hesitancy, be it out of anger or fear, but he's also hard and fast enough that you can't really form a lot of words, so it's not too discouraging.

What sort of kinks or fetishes do they have, or would they fill?

He's not really familiar with any at first, and he has to experiment around. You would think normally an inexperienced boy would want the female to take the lead, but noooo, he's way too proud for that.

Oral fixation

The most shameful one to him. It's disgusting, he thinks, it's unnatural, it goes against the very purpose of sex to procreate, but he knows it exists, he's heard of how it goes and God when you talk and smile he desperately wants to see your mouth wrapped around his dick. When you're laying under him he just has an uncontrollable urge to just buy his face between your legs and lick at everything he can, and eventually he'll cave to both of those urges. The latter will be very unprompted and unanticipated, probably you're not even getting it on at the moment - something like you're sleeping, you're just laying there, your legs open a bit and he just rips off whatever you have on and stuffs his head between your legs - he's not skilled by any means, but works with such an intensity and speed that you'll cum on his face anyway.

If he's mad, he can get rough with the former. Hearing you gag and choke, watching the tears run down your face helps satisfy his anger quite a bit. Unfortunately for you, he can last quite a while, and will grab your hair and force your face down, or really, he's one to lay you on the edge of a bed on your back and really fuck your throat out. And he won't let you spit it out either -- he'll hold your mouth shut with his hands and force you to swallow every little bit.

Finger-fucking

He was once told the trick of putting your fingers inside and curling them, and that's an easy instruction to follow. He'll try it out, and once he watches how it makes you gasp and whimper, he'll get addicted to it, moving his fingers harsh and fast. He likes it because he's not too distracted by his own physical sensations, other than the throbbing hard-on, and can really take in your faces, noises, and really watch you come undone. As an added bonus, he's definitely not going to just leave it at that, no, and he discovers very quickly you're particularly sensitive immediately after one orgasm, reacting with extra loud squeals and harsh clenching when he presses against your extremely sensitive insides. And he likes that quite a bit.

D/S dynamic / bondage

It helps him restore his damaged pride from his embarrassment over the fact that he even has sexual urges in the first place. He deserves to be worshipped, he deserves to have you on your knees in front of him. In particular, he loves to give you commands, see you follow through with them. It's empowering. It's reassuring. Probably the type to want to be called master. He feels its appropriate. And he'd definitely be one to make it an all-the-time, 24/7 sort of dynamic too. He can be gentle about it, too, and will reward you for being well-behaved. The dynamic, the rewards, the praise, all makes you all the more slowly, but surely, succumbing to him, giving in, and finally accepting him.

Tying you up prevents you from moving around too much, and that's the initial reason for it, but he realizes very very quickly that something about seeing you that way is very, very pleasing to him. It gives him a sense of power and control in addition to what he already has established. It also helps alleviate a bit of his nervousness surrounding the whole thing. When you're all tied up, probably blindfolded too, he can just run his hands up and down, stare at your body, figure out what's where and see everything without you squirming around.

Masturbation instruction/voyeurism

Something about just watching you touch yourself drives him up the wall with horniness. It also helps give him an idea of what the fuck he’s supposed to do (again, not that he’ll tell you that). But more importantly, it’s yet another control thing. He won’t just let you go at it, no, he’ll be very specific with his instructions, and expects you to follow them perfectly. He’ll make you edge yourself and even overstimulate yourself, demanding you keep going even after you cum, and even if you can’t, he’ll just swat your hand aside and do it himself.

How do they feel about pregnancy or babies? Do they want them?

He's... Not sure if it's even possible? If so, the whole idea makes him feel a bit odd. Small little beings, ones that look like him, ones that share his blood? The whole concept is so strange. He'd probably want to find out if such a thing is even possible, considering your differences, but he would likely be somewhat opposed to it, as it feels weird to him. He would become more accustomed to the idea with time, though. And one thing he neglects to remember, even if he knows, is that you have to pull out to avoid that, and he definitely doesn't.

What kind of (nsfw) punishments would they use?

Overstimulation is a go-to, as is forced orgasms. Tying back to his finger-fucking tendencies, he learns how sensitive orgasms make you, and how torturous it can be. Even if he can't keep going, after he fucks you a few times, he can still go with his mouth, fingers, over and over and over again, until you're sobbing and begging from the overstimulation. He thinks there's something weirdly beautiful about how something can bring you so much pleasure and pain, be so good yet so unbearable. Seeing you cry while you convulse, hiss from the pain when you're so sensitive that even the lightest touches are painful. Just watching it gives him an electrifying feeling. As a bonus, it will just make you more bonded, the overload of the positive chemicals in your body will bind you to the very person inflicting such a torture on your body. How ironic.

He'd be one for impact pain too, potentially with his hands, but he's one that's more likely to invest in something like a riding crop, or just a belt. He likes the fear of it, too, seeing how you wince and whimper just by hearing it crack before he even does anything to you.

What body parts of their darling do they like the most?

Hips and thighs. He likes grabbing, pulling you back onto him. Running his hands over them. He likes that when he's rough enough, his hands leave bruises on them. It's really pretty to him, and just an ever so blatant reminder of your place... to him, and, he knows, to you.

[curriebelle]

furtively tries to express my appreciation for BTS’s insane showmanship without gaining the reputation of Being a Kpop Blog

Actually leTS TALK ABOUT THE REPUTATION OF THE KPOP BLOG 👩‍🏫

So to a certain extent I understand why “friend’s blog became a Kpop blog” is a meme. From the outside, a lot of the Kpop fan activity seems quite vapid. The impression I got in previous years was that it’s mostly about gushing over handsome boys and a/b/o rpf. And that’s not........entirely wrong, but we’ll get into that more in a sec.

Another factor is that Kpop fandom is hard to follow. The barrier to entry is higher than with other fandoms. In posts, individual Kpop stars are referred to by name, stage name, or nickname, and the band they belong to isn’t always obvious, so it’s quite easy to lump it all into “Kpop”; it takes work for a new fan to differentiate the groups if you don’t know them ahead of time. Kpop fandom has its own lingo that differs from other fan language (other media fans don’t use “bias” or “delulu” — and there’s a linguistics dissertation for you). And let’s not discount the other language barrier — Korean isn’t exactly a common first language, so it does take a bit of extra work to find subtitles and translations.

This might be why the Suddenly A Kpop Blog Event supposedly triggers a different reaction in followers. I’m still following most of my friends from crit role season 1, even though a good chunk of them blog about other stuff now (what is this Chinese show? Boy with magic flute? Gay? Help). Fittingly, I’ve seen memes about how people are ride or die for their mutuals even when they move to different fandoms, but the jokes about Kpop blogs are always a bit different — about how turning into a Kpop blog is a bit cursed of u. It’s to the point where this is only “secretly a Kpop blog” because I don’t want the “Kpop blog” reputation.

And from my fandom lurking I can say that part of that reputation is not unearned. A lot of Kpop fans on tumblr engage in it in ways I’m either disinterested in or actively opposed to (the shipping wars are as terrifying as their reputation suggests. Some were arguing one ship was an rl canon true secret relationship because someone in BTS wrote the letter K on his drawing. Even though the letter K is in his name.) The reason I’ve been “secretly a Kpop blog” is that a lot of Kpop posts don’t inspire me into reblog frenzies the way crit role memes used to, and that’s not because Kpop Stans Suck — it’s more just a matter of taste. Then again, I do like gifs, but if I start reblogging BTS gifs, then I’m a Kpop Blog......and you don’t want to be a Kpop blog.

But isn’t there a whiff of “I’m not like other girls” about all that? Like, yeah, of course Kpop fans hoard gifs of the same people and overanalyze them. That’s what fans do! Pretending I didn’t overanalyze the shit out of Taliesin and Laura’s micro-expressions before Perc’ahlia was a thing would just be disingenuous. We’re all looking too closely — one of the best things about being a fan is diving into the excess of art and making things out of it. We all make mountains out of molehills because mountains are more scenic. And, on a baser level, we are all thirsty bastards. I have SEEN you all reblogging the gifs of Chris Evans ripping the log in half, okay, and you were not doing it bc of the camera angle, just own the thirst. Even the problems the Kpop fandoms have aren’t problems unique to Kpop — aggressive shippers and “””””problematic””” fans are everywhere.

I also wonder if the reason why we don’t see as much Kpop analysis on tumblr is because we’ve created kind of a hostile environment for it. Whether you are a Kpop fan or not, we’ve all decided to treat Kpop as kind of silly — the fans give it their all in the departments of cutesy photo sets and ridiculous fic prompts, and we laugh at memes of Gimli saying “never thought I’d die side by side with a Kpop fan” anyway Stan Jungkook. Just like thirst and over analyzing, that’s not necessarily a bad thing — I love that meme, and you should Stan Jungkook — but it does mean that if you want to start taking it a bit more seriously, or even a bit more casually, the assumption is that all your old tumblr friends will ditch you because “you’ve gone to the dark side”

And that’s a shame because uhhhhhh there is some baller stuff to analyze in BTS’s discography. The album before last was based on Jungian psychology (???). Their leader and primary writer is a huge fan of multilingual puns so in the latest album he makes a three-way pun on the phrase “I’m ill” — he’s sick, he’s cool, and he’s overworked (because “il” in Korean means “work”). So is he sick or is he simply made sick by like, society’s expectations of labour under capital???? Like, you know me. Societal critique by way of pun. That’s my shit. There’s also an essay or two in me about the way BTS are marketed for fan consumption and the way we handle multilingual lyrics and the way they’re handling the temporary departure of one of their members (he is an absolute cat of a man and I hope he gets well soon).

Also fuck can J-Hope ever dance.

EDIT: I should probably acknowledge that I can only make this justification for BTS, which is the only Kpop group I really like; I got no idea about the rest of them. I do know that Shinee can Also dance.

I might get the essays out but this probably won’t become “a Kpop blog” if you’re not into that. I think I’ve internalized too much of the stigma (omg V has a song called stigma it’s so good check it out find a good translation), but also, like I said, I don’t vibe with much of the other content and I kind of only follow one extremely successful group. The gifs, though. The gifs might be coming. They are pretty, those boys.

Anyway! People don’t like Kpop for nothing so like Maybe you would also like Kpop? Who knows. At the very least, think before u meme.

[merrysithmas]

mmmm hard and quick question who tops boris or theo

😂🤣sorry i just need to pick myself up off the floor after thinking about THEO topping anyone of his own free will. the only kind of person i can imagine Theo topping is like... Agent Q from the new Bond movies but even after that they're like, yeahhh maybe this isn't for us. Lmao. Bc Theo doesn't like... want that.

(disclaimer: as a gay, i personally don't really like analyzing this topic in fandom, there is no menu or standard to human behavior and everyone reacts to the world differently and experiences pleasure differently, esp in a queer dynamic, so im like... who cares, dynamics are fluid anyway. but for sake of analyzing text here we go)

Based off the context of their personalities and dynamic, it is obvious Theo is thrown into massive depression and self-loathing when sleeping with women (Carol, Kitsey, Julie). He describes the experiences of sleeping with women as something he is monotonously expected to do, something that makes him uncomfortable and ashamed, or something substandard, and he never colors his descriptions of his affairs with women with passion, relief, or pleasure. He is like an automaton, simply following society's rules of how he "should" act and behave (or what he believes is so), essentially a Live Action Roleplay of misery that he follows with total loathing but adament piousness to stave off the horrors of his PTSD.

Now this is a point because of the way Theo and Boris (1) feel power and (2) experience comfort. Theo feels comfort and safety and power when he is vulnerable. He spends the entire book presenting a tremelous facade of being untouchable, invulnerable, and aloof (sometimes forcibly) when all the while he is dying inside from post-traumatic stress. He is a monumentous wall that could crack if you rested a feather on it. Yet Theo desperately abandons that ruse when he runs and crushes the painting to himself, his only relief, his most vulnerable and relieving moments. Crying, curling his fingers over it, feeling safe and sound alone and soft and aching when no one is looking. His only peace. Well, until Boris. Until Boris came along and held and crushed Theo himself to his own chest (mirroring how Theo crushed the painting) as Theo would wake screaming, choked with sobs, lulled to sleep in Boris' comforting arms. Again, safe, vulnerable, at peace.

So what I am saying is, Theo feels emotional fulfillment and safety and comfort not from the expression of control or power (in fact his agency is very much deleted by those things, as he actively kills his soul little by little with his obsessive unhealthy control and perfectionism of his fake life). Theo is relieved by and emotionally fulfilled by the expression of vulnerability and reception of safety and love. His best self is brought out and his healing starts and he feels like himself - like he is whole, finally.

So while Theo was curled into Boris' arms accepting his vulnerability in front of one other person (apart from his mother aka the painting), Boris at the same time was also experiencing something he seldom received -- a feeling of power and control and guardianship and the actualization of his physical realness, the use of his body to not just be victimized by violence from his father and then depersonalized but the use of it to protect and care for another. A gigantic relief and comfort and avenue of self-realization for him (bookended in adolescence by his gutsy kiss when Theo left -- acts of bold physical interjection giving him a sense of accomplshment and emotional power... ahem: Shh, Potter).

Boris is the exact opposite of Theo, which is another reason why they likely got on so closely and keenly. They are compliments. Whereas Theo feels relief and freedom in vulnerability, Boris feels no safety or comfort in vulnerability. Boris deeply fears vulnerability as evidenced by: his unrelenting horrific physical abuse by his father, his playful childhood violence used to express emotionality, jerking away fearfully when Theo tries to attend to his wound, becoming ghastly terrified when Theo drowns him, his profession as a gang leader who is highly skilled in physical intimidation and defense weaponry (so much so that he saves both of their lives in the shootout and does in fact get the painting back, even if short-lived), his ultimately flippant and nonvocal reaction to being literally shot, his liberal use of a plethora of a drugs, his aesthetic presentation of imposing nicely cut dark clothes meant to exhibit an intimidating figure/presence, his deleterious dynamics with Kotku (physical violence) and Theo (emotionally fearful), his habit of frequent colorful lying, his theft of the painting likely for some insurance of livelihood as a starving child.

Boris does not feel empowered and safe when he is not in control of his physical body -- Boris feels comfort and pleasure when he is in a position of control and power over himself and others. He has adapted his developmental shortcomings to serve his life in what he sees as a positive way and find peace with it. He leads a gang, he is a wealthy man, he can fix Theo's problems, he says honestly he has a good life.

There is also the question of emotional vulnerability -- again, although Theo is hugely closed off and it is pretty much the premise of the book, when he is most happy and most free is when he is emotionally vulnerable. Theo writes that he, of course, loves Boris. He writes he is happy during their idyllic year together and is more emotionally forthcoming about it than anything else in the book. He becomes jealous over Kotku because she "assumes ownership" of Boris - the person he feels emotionally comfortable and safe with. His love for his mother is an enduring buoy in his life, the painting brings him emotional relief, he falls into Hobie's arms as a derelict child, he frets feverishly over Boris' wounded arm. He is most himself in vulnerability after a lifetime of emotional suffocation.

Boris is also highly distressed by emotional vulnerability, but in context of Boris&Theo, it is Boris who is more fearful of emotional vulnerability as children. Theo cries in Boris arms, seeks Boris out, finds emotional solace in Boris. Boris, unaccostumed to this safety flees it and searches out an eventually toxic dynamic between he and Kotku instead. Boris changes as he grows older: feeling guilt over stealing the painting, telling Theo to value his life - he is philosophical by nature. However this emotional cognizance does not translate to his physical life. In fact it is the other way around: Boris uses that physical power and safety he has cultivated to lend him strength and space and psychological protection so that he can be emotionally self-analytical. Theo has become emotionally hardened until reunited with the painting and Boris, having Boris brings back Theo's physical and emotional freedom.

so yeah, TL;DR Boris.

obviously life and relationships are complex and there is variation in any dynamic but it seems that would be their standard, mimicking their first cuddled childhood moments in a more adult manner (shh, potter). it's a reflection of their dynamic. Theo is open to giving himself physically to Boris (in many small ways) and Boris is upheld and strengthened (and made better physically and emotionally) by that trust. He craves it so much he longs for it for ten years. And that support makes Theo better in return. A positive cycle.

i have such a hard time even imagining Theo topping Kistey like, that poor guy. It must have been soooo dead for him. Kitsey on the other hand would've worn a strap on just so they could have even a little fun until their eventual breakup but Theo's third-eye isn't opened far enough.

[him-e]

Hi, I'm the anon who wrote the 5 asks about the Dany plotline and GRRM. I'd like to apologize to u for lashing out, it was uncalled for and u have every right to state those opinions regardless of what I (or anyone else) think. Feeling hurt by the show wrt Dany's story made me react badly to the idea that it was actually acceptable, especially coming from someone whose ideas I appreciate so much and have spent hours invested on. You can answer them, delete them, idk, I just wanted to say sorry.

No need to apologize, anon! I’m currently on semi-to-full hiatus and that’s why I’m being so slow at answering messages—and yeah, I understand the frustration completely, and I don’t blame you for it. ;))

I’m going to answer your ask anyway. Long reply after the cut:

I hope this doesn’t come off as offensive or confrontational bc that’s not the point, I’ve enjoyed reading your ASOIAF/GoT and TB metas for years and would not reply to them if I weren’t invested on them. That said, I’d like to ask why do you insist on 1) arguing that Dany’s dark turn was reasonable if you don’t hate her and 2) defending D&D and blaming GRRM for what happened on the show. When it comes to 1), sure, Dany might *accidentally* burn KL, but to willingly choose to burn thousands of innocents? She may accept that some casualties would have to occur, but not in the way that the show presented (in that she had the choice to not kill anyone but did). You argue that that direction was valid of because of the recurring theme of how power corrupts, but then I’d argue, what if it were Sansa, another character very much involved in the world of politics? Would you be ok if people argued that it’d make sense for her to give up her ideals and become just as power-hungry and cynic and bitter as Littlefinger? Probably not; what’s the point if those characters become their worst possible selves? Dany was made a villain, was implied to be mad and was called “your satanic majesty”. I really can’t see how you could call those writing decisions valid. When it comes to 2), I’m not saying GRRM is perfect, he’s been quite callous in the book series and especially in F&B when it comes to social issues, but D&D are also professional writers with critical thinking skills and moral values of their own who could have tried to alleviate the problems in the books and not made things even worse. That’s why I don’t get why you’re blaming GRRM for what D&D wrote when the former wasn’t even involved in the ending’s writing process aside from possibly giving them an outline of what happens. GRRM should be criticized for what he wrote and will write, and the finale may have feel been a product of his ideas, but he still has no (moral or legal) responsibility in helping to make the TV show better or worse.

The reason why I maintain that the show’s ending is a (badly written) version of GRRM’s ending is that I can 100% see Martin’s blueprint in the climax+anticlimax structure of the season. The way it twists the audience’s expectations and delves into what happens AFTER the final battle is won, the way it subverts the most reliable narrative conventions and, instead of building up in a crescendo towards a final spectacle where the heroes would sacrifice their lives to save the world in a blaze of glory, it shifts gears almost unpleasantly, slows down to show what happens to them once their heroic purpose is fulfilled and zooms in on their identity crisis, their depression and isolation and sudden lack of purpose… it’s all too deliberate, and IN MY PERSONAL OPINION it’s done with a vision in mind—something I don’t believe d&d would spontaneously put any effort in, especially not if GRRM had already served them a perfectly fine, crowd-pleasing endgame involving Dany’s heroic sacrifice against the Others.

I understand my stance might come across as “defending d&d and blaming GRRM”, but I’m really not? I’ve often repeated how I believe d&d messed things up and that GRRM’s version will make infinitely more sense and be infinitely better written, and I’m sure he will avoid the pitfalls of cynical, circular storytelling, because he’s ultimately a better writer and someone who believes in idealism and true heroism even as he deconstructs it. How can the overall narrative remain uplifting & give a message of hope and faith for humanity while still telling a story that ends with Dany’s descent into “true villainy” (but haven’t we repeated ad nauseam that heroes and villains are too reductive categories for asoiaf?), I don’t know, but it’s not my job to figure it out, and I ultimately trust & respect Martin’s vision and ability to tell the story HE wants.

sure, Dany might *accidentally* burn KL, but to willingly choose to burn thousands of innocents? She may accept that some casualties would have to occur, but not in the way that the show presented

1) I’ve always conceded that, while I think the gist of the storyline is Martin’s, there’s absolutely no guarantee that the battle of King’s Landing will go as we’ve seen in the show, or even happen at the same point of the story (for one thing, Young Griff & JonCon will probably be involved, and that seems more likely to happen before, and not after, the war for the dawn);

2) That said, what I’m relatively confident of, at this point, is that Dany will NOT die in the WftD as a self sacrificial hero (this is entirely FANON SPECULATION, and people treating it like a fixed point in the universe, something the narrative is “inevitably” building towards, is one of the reasons the fandom seems unable to critically analyze show!Dany’s evolution without going hysterical about it and resorting to no true scotsman arguments. I’ve often complained about the dangers of elevating fan theories to canon status, and trust me I never wanted to go full cassandra about this, but here we are). The details and plot points leading up to this might be wildly different from the show’s version, but I think Dany will survive the WftD, which will leave her directionless and purposeless and doubting the truth of her heroic destiny for the first time in her life after she hatched the dragons, and that she’ll cross the ultimate moral horizon in a hail mary to restore that sense of self, that sense of purpose, completing her parabola from princess in rags, to breaker of chains, to conqueror, to savior of humanity, to conqueror again, to TRAGIC HERO. How can this be a valid writing decision, you asked—well, why shouldn’t it? Is something only valid as long as it pleases the audience? What screams tragic hero more than the hero turning into the very thing she swore to eradicate, and realizing it only when it’s too late? There’s something genuinely chilly in Dany’s “if I look back, I’m lost” refrain. This is the mantra of someone who thinks the only way to stay alive is to cross one threshold after the other. So far this coping mechanism has brought her higher, and higher, and higher. But what if it will be her downfall? “I tried to grasp a star, overreached, and fell”, indeed;

3) Dany’s burning KL *accidentally* is like Stannis burning Shireen “but only if the circumstances are dire enough / the stakes are high enough”. No offense, but this is typical stan logic: you admit the possibility that your faves might go through a dark phase but you don’t want to have to unstan them, so you want them to do bad things for good reasons, or because there’s no other choice, or because “they didn’t know”. That’s understandable, but I don’t think Martin is the type of writer to give his character free passes or soften the blow of their moral crucibles like that. This is NOT to say that the show did Dany’s dark turn WELL, because it DIDN’T—her motivations were all over the place, the turning point (the bells) wasn’t believable because it lacked connection to her character arc, the narrative backed away from showing the attack from her pov which betrays the writers’ inability to make sense of this psychological downfall from HER perspective, etc. But to say “Dany will NEVER! BURN! INNOCENTS! ON PURPOSE!” sounds very, very premature to me.

(re: Sansa, hasn’t power corrupted her too, to an extent? Hasn’t she lied, schemed, manipulated, spilled secrets, in order to restore & secure the Stark hold on the North? Isn’t she queen, in part, because the rest of her family was scattered at the four corners of the known world? I’m not particularly happy with the way she was written this season, and I think some of her choices were questionable; but at the same time I reject the idea that a character ending up more flawed, or morally ambiguous, or less likeable than they were at the beginning must necessarily be bad storytelling)

I’m not saying GRRM is perfect, he’s been quite callous in the book series and especially in F&B when it comes to social issues, but D&D are also professional writers with critical thinking skills and moral values of their own who could have tried to alleviate the problems in the books and not made things even worse. That’s why I don’t get why you’re blaming GRRM for what D&D wrote when the former wasn’t even involved in the ending’s writing process aside from possibly giving them an outline of what happens. GRRM should be criticized for what he wrote and will write, and the finale may have feel been a product of his ideas, but he still has no (moral or legal) responsibility in helping to make the TV show better or worse.

Martin is not responsible of the show’s writing, but he is responsible of the outline he gave to the showrunners, and right now I have no reason to believe they didn’t follow it, at least for the most part. For years I’ve been told that “the show is not the books”, and while that’s certainly true, I can’t, and won’t, separate the show from the books when it comes to book speculation, because the show is still for all intents and purposes an ADAPTATION of the book series, and while it’s irresponsible to expect it to be a 1:1 transcription of what will happen in TWOW and ADOS, it’s also equally (imo) irresponsible to act like the two canons have nothing to do with each other and that it’s stupid to use the show as a resource for book speculation. If people want to pretend the show never happened, good for them, but that’s not the way I think, personally. I don’t blame GRRM for the show’s faults, and my reservations are actually 90% about the EXECUTION of the plot which is ENTIRELY on d&d, but there’s a 10% of my concerns that is about the IDEA in itself, regardless of context and execution—the idea of the story ending with a bittersweet anticlimax involving the death/downfall of the MOST PROMINENT FEMALE HERO OF THE SERIES, who is also the carrier of the most subversive anti-establishment political message in the story.

tldr: I’m not criticizing GRRM for what he hasn’t written yet, but I can certainly criticize him for what I think is a (however botched) adaptation of his outline, if the main selling points of said outline are questionable in themselves. No one can convince me that GRRM told d&d that Jon and Dany would die heroically to save the world and they ARBITRARILY decided to fuck it up for shock value or whatever, and just accidentally stumbled onto a more subversive and provocative ending than what Martin HIMSELF was planning. (that would make them two geniuses, even if the execution sucked, lol)

and if i’m wrong about it, well:

but until then…

[alexsmitposts]

BC: Why Are We Being Lied to? BC stands for NEO’s Banned Classic. This article was originally published by our journal on 30.12.13 For some reason, this article is missing from Google search results. Since this article remains pretty relevant to those geopolitical events that are taking place on the geopolitical stage today, we deem it possible to present it to our readers once again. Should it go missing again, you may be confident that you will see it republished by NEO once more, should it still remain relevant by that time. Over the past few years, there has been a general breakdown in how reality is perceived. In fact, the term “reality” itself is under assault, everything from issues of controlled news, false flag terrorism, challenges to basic physical laws and even issues of “disclosure,” the tantalizing idea that a complex interstellar world exists. A very real part of what has happened is a calculated attack on traditions and institutions through psychological warfare, a subset of “game theory warfare,” itself a subset of “chaos theory.” Thus, we doubt or believe based on a flow of controlled information and orchestrated events. However, controlling information has proven risky business. Toward that end, what had always been a “lunatic fringe” of biblical prophecy, jingoism or agenda driven “revisionism” has now been supplanted with a virtual ocean of inanity that has crept into the public domain. When traced to its roots, too often one finds powerful organizations. During the last few days, Washington think tanks have released “rumors” citing president Obama as a Kenyan born homosexual, “Bathhouse Barry,” of radical Muslim roots who attempted to gain control of America’s nuclear arsenal in order to destroy Israel. These stories and dozens like them all trace down to sources close to the leadership of the “opposition party,” the bizarre confederation of right wing extremists, the Israel lobby and those aspects of the financial industry that can only be termed “organized crime.” Sadly, up to 30% of the American public believes, not just these missives but things far stranger. Among that 30% is the majority of the leadership of America’s armed forces, security services and police, groups that have descended the evolutionary ladder at a frightening pace. As American “humorist”, Jim W. Dean, so often says, “You just can make these things up.” What the public is left with is uncertainty, in some ways preferable to blind ignorance. Though the original intent, voice in television shows such as “X Files,” in the oft-repeated theme, “Believe No One,” is to destroy public confidence in institutions, this hasn’t worked out as planned. Perhaps that’s why they call it “chaos theory.” Long ago, science developed its own methods, “epistemology,” for discerning what is “likely.” Scientific modeling or experimental method have long sense become unreliable indicators as they are dependent on the “subjectivity” of observation and the vagaries of statistical analysis, the science of making 2 plus two equal three. The real basis of analysis since the latter half of the 20th century has been the philosophy that sneaks into films. In America, some organized crime groups that had “lost their roots” reinvented themselves based on the “Godfather” films of Francis Ford Coppola. One film, “The Usual Suspects,” has a line that has served me well. “The biggest trick the devil ever pulled was to convince people he didn’t exist.” Toward that end, the modern “mainstream media seems, when their “work product” is analyzed using methodologies developed for intelligence analysis, appears to be “tasked” in three ways: Covering the tracks of very real secret societies and conspiraciesProtecting a history that is almost entirely falseSpewing a continual narrative both unquestioned and unsupportableIn the process, we have created an incubator for the rise of mediocrity. President George W. Bush has evidenced this more than any individual in recent years. A simple trip to “YouTube” will give evidence of this. His glaring ignorance and endless lapses of decorum were far from simply anecdotal. Yes, he really thought “Africa” was a country. Is it true he couldn’t find Africa on a map? I have privately been assured that though this was the case when he took office in 2001, after visiting Africa he became aware. I would only know this as author of his briefing materials on his last visit. Touching on the issue of redress, the restoration of reality or “truth” has become a process well beyond “encyclopedic.” Approaching this task, television shows in the US, be they “The Secret History of World War II” or Oliver Stone’s “Untold History of the United States,” not only fall short of the task but exist more to close doors than open them. Such efforts, and they are many, perhaps endless, are “gatekeeper functions.” The question people enjoy and ask most often is this; “Is there a secret world out there.” The answer is “yes.” What then qualifies a source as genuine and how does one discern real information from the endless “blind alleys” that have been created to channel modern day adventurers and explorers into areas of harmless or perhaps “not so harmless” confusion? Our tools are observation, reason and analysis. Beyond that, we are faced with the traditional issues of faith, what do we believe, what do we trust? More and more intuition itself has to serve, where such a thing still exists. Toward that end, we can begin a walk down several paths in such areas a “what can be told” or “what can be reasonably surmised.” At the pinnacle, one is faced with unpleasant revelations, that the world is ruled by secret societies, all of which are rooted in beliefs that can be termed “supernatural” or “extraterrestrial.” What can be told is that these organizations are both centuries old “societies” and quasi-governmental organizations whose efforts periodically surface and, in doing so, give evidence of a reality that in startling ways resembles popular science fiction. What can be told is that this coincidental similarity is no an accident. What is safest is approaching what we know and can prove in the mundane world and how it diverges from popular mythology. For Americans, the Kennedy assassination was paramount, at least prior to 9/11. As the 50th anniversary of that even passed recently, many were disturbed at the media’s attempts to restore public confidence in the Warren Report. The popular film, JFK ended such beliefs forever. Even prior to its release, the “Oswald and the Magic Bullet” theory was an obvious sham. Yet, millions of Americans were sickened when the media again tried to “put the toothpaste back in the tube.” This is the official finding of the US government, issued in 1976 by the House Select Committee on Assassinations: Scientific acoustical evidence establishes a high probability that two gunmen fired at President John F. Kennedy. Other scientific evidence does not preclude the possibility of two gunmen firing at the President. Scientific evidence negates some specific conspiracy allegations.The committee believes, on the basis of the evidence available to it, that President John F. Kennedy was probably assassinated as a result of a conspiracy. The committee is unable to identify the other gunman or the extent of the conspiracyFunny thing, nobody mentioned any of this, the public finding of the US government, when selling the “lone gunman” story to a new generation. Similarly, 9/11 has the exact same problem. The 9/11 Commission Report was rescinded by a majority of members who then asked for members of the Bush administration to be prosecuted for both perjury and withholding evidence. This is public record. Since that time, not only has hard evidence discovered a domestic conspiracy working in concert with foreign intelligence agencies at the heart of 9/11 but finding a reputable scientist that supports the conclusions of the original 9/11 Commission report is almost impossible. There is undeniable hard proof that the 7/7 attacks in Britain were also “false flag” attacks. There is undeniable hard proof that the invasion of not just Iraq but Afghanistan was planned long before 9/11, not just those nations but five others as well as stated by General Wesley Clark and confirmed by Gwyneth Todd and many others. Of recent terror attacks and mass killings, the following are known to be “false flag attacks,” orchestrated by intelligence agencies. By “known,” I mean exactly that, no doubt whatsoever. The DC sniper attacks and subsequent anthrax poisonings, the Breveik killings in Norway, Sandy Hook, the “Gabby Giffords” shootings, the Fort Hood shootings and the Boston Marathon bombings There are no “theories” involved, there is a mass of evidence and clear proof that the story given the public in each of these cases in outlandish and unreasonable. Were one to examine recent events involving Syria, the close alignment of Al Qaeda with groups within US intelligence and their Saudi and Israeli counterparts should “deconstruct” the entirety of the basis for America’s “War on Terror.” Why hasn’t it? Why does the media continue to claim that, though the Taliban ended almost all opium production in Afghanistan, the record heroin production, now over 90% of world supplies now produced there, is being flown around the world by that same organization that doesn’t possess a single aircraft? Can one see a coincidental relationship between heroin trafficking and production and CIA involvement in Afghanistan? Is there historical evidence that this is not the first time? Can we say “Golden Triangle” and “Cali Cartel?” There are areas more important to human development that simple proof that criminal elements have manipulated world events that have probably brought about the deaths of several million people. Let’s take a short look at science. To Einstein, the “holy grail” was solving unified field theory. Simply put, perhaps overly so, the relationship between gravity and magnetism and waves and particles never fit within his ideas of general relativity. Recent revelations that particles travel at above the speed of light, the result of super-collider experiments, has, in actuality, totally disproven Einstein’s original theories. There is a problem when dealing with science. As for history or “news,” it can generally be invented. In science, there are communities that share information, affirm publishings and follow events very carefully. Thus, when areas of research “go dark,” and capabilities are spoken of or even exhibited that are beyond accepted scientific advances, we are challenging something more serious than “public opinion.” Yet, exactly this has happened. Again, we enter an areas of “what can be told.” To those who work in engineering, certain scientific advances, particularly the jump from the development of the transistor to the development of the first integrated circuit is believed to be “non-linear.” This means, technologies that have no history of development have entered our daily lives. You can see where this goes, an area no one wants to travel. Remember “cold fusion?” Remember that it was a “fraud?” We were told that the first experiments were not able to be duplicated that that this “free energy” technology was a dead end? Ever hear of LENR? This stands for Low Energy Nuclear Reactions. The term actually means “cold fusion.” Billions are spent each year, by governments and private corporations, in the development of cold fusion projects. Units exist that could power automobiles, aircraft, even cities. A quick Google search will list the companies involved, the factories and laboratories, the investment opportunities and yet why is none of this reported? Would oil be worthless? Would conventional nuclear power, even wind and solar power, be worthless? Why are we being lied to, “in plain sight” as it were? The answer isn’t simple but there is an answer of sorts. The excuse given originates from the writings of Reverend Thomas Robert Malthus, who in 1798, espoused that “progress” would bring about limitless population growth that would end in disaster. So, we hide technologies. We have had the ability for decades to defeat gravity using technologies developed in Germany in the 1930s, rumored to have been given to them by extraterrestrials. The US built its first anti-gravity “ship” in 1953. I have seen it. It is old and ugly but works, sort of. Nanotechnologies developed in labs “impossibly” at “0 g” have produced semiconductors capable of creating fields that allow vehicle performance typically attributed to UFOs. One of the more common but less spoken of areas is weather modification. Energy weapons developed in “dark projects” are being used to modify weather in some areas of the world, particularly the oil rich states of the Persian Gulf. This is more “hidden in plain sight” use of non-existent technology. We have only touched on a few areas, they are endless. What we can prove is that events are not what they seem, science is not what it seems, this is clear. What is also clear is that anything we are told is suspect and not by accident. Mistrust in everything is engineered into our very being as a method of control, absolute control. Gordon Duff is a Marine combat veteran of the Vietnam War that has worked on veterans and POW issues for decades and consulted with governments challenged by security issues. He’s a senior editor and chairman of the board of Veterans Today, especially for the online magazine “New Eastern Outlook.”

[yankeeclapdoctor]

That ScreenRant article came out and I’ve decided now is as good a time as any to pour my 7-year-old Loki headcanon analysis gasoline onto the discourse fire

Seriously don’t keep reading this if you don’t want to be bombarded with pieces of what has been in my head for the past 7 years i’m not fucking messing around my friends don’t have a choice to be attacked with this shit when i start talking in person but it’s the internet so you do have a choice. but for the record: I don’t condone his attempts at genocide or other violent actions, and I know it’s bad writing, and i am also aware that it’s 2018 not 2013. But I still love him. Thank you good day

SO I went through and wrote all over the Marvel profile for Loki and here are some things I have to say that can actually be backed up by canon evidence (I have my other headcanons that are just mine that can only be expressed in angsty fanfic but this isn’t the place for that):

In Thor (2011), Loki brings the Frost Giants to infiltrate Asgard on Thor’s coronation day. He tells Laufey that it was “to ruin [his] brother’s big day,” but we also know from his argument with Sif and the Warriors Three that he didn’t believe Thor was ready to rule yet (and he was right! he didn’t go about any of what he did correctly at all but he was right that Thor wasn’t ready and if he hadn’t been right there wouldn’t have been a movie). He doesn’t ruin Thor’s coronation because he wants to be king, he ruins it both because he’s THE GOD OF MISCHIEF and because he thought he was doing what was best for Asgard (which comes from him just being an entitled little pompous bitch but we all knew that already). 

After he finds out that he’s a Frost Giant, he loses his fucking mind and becomes desperate for Odin’s approval and to be “worthy,” especially after having felt overshadowed by Thor throughout his life. Finding out that he was a Frost Giant and that Odin took him hoping to “bring about permanent peace through [him]” made him feel even more used and inferior, driving him to (understandably) lose it and try to prove himself “worthy” of being both Odin’s son and an effective person who can be powerful on his own, not just a pawn as Odin first intended for him. 

As he says to Thor, he “never wanted the throne. [He] only ever wanted to be [Thor’s] equal”—and this is true, both before he knows about his adoption and after: before, Loki felt overshadowed because Thor’s physical strength and status as the heir gave him more positive regard (fuck. look at me using my psychology terms), and afterwards he wants to be Thor’s “equal” just in being deemed “worthy” of Odin’s love and in being seen as a powerful independent person. When Thor asks him why he’s trying to commit genocide he answers, “To prove to father that I am a worthy son.” He thinks that the only way to prove to Odin that he is worthy is to prove that he should be a king, because Thor who has been deemed “worthy” by Odin (and by Mjolnir) is the heir, and therefore kings = “worthy” so Loki should become a king so he can be “worthy”!!! He’s fucked up!!! THIS IS NOT TO EXCUSE HIS ATTEMPT TO COMMIT GENOCIDE AGAINST THE FROST GIANTS. THAT WAS NOT OKAY. I am just deeply psychoanalyzing his motives because Tom Hiddleston played him with this amount of emotional depth and I will prove it by analyzing everything. 

Look at his eyes. what the Fuck. He’s so broken and hurt and out of his fucking mind. He doesn’t know what to do because he’s so angry that he’s a Frost Giant and hates that part of himself and wants to destroy it so he kills his fucking biological father and then tries to kill all the Frost Giants, rejecting them in an attempt to endear himself to Odin and the Asgardians while also believing he’ll never be accepted by them, especially Thor after he saw Thor go berserk on the Frost Giants at the beginning of the movie. and hearing Thor say anything contrary to the fucked up stuff he’s convinced himself of makes him lose it even more. 

ANyway moving on. So Thor stops the genocide from happening which is great (would have been nice if he’d succeeded in stopping it in IW too but oh well bad writing), but after Odin says “no, Loki” instead of you know maybe helping his sons up onto solid ground before trying to have a conversation, Loki lets go and falls into the abyss, definitely believing that he’s gonna die. 

The Marvel profile thing says he “arrives at the Sanctuary” and “meets the Other,” but it was definitely more like he fucking crashed there and got captured by Chitauri, brought to the Other who interrogated him about where he came from, brought him to Thanos, who then tortured him more. 

like...im sorry but this is not the face of a guy who was welcomed into Thanos’s creepy rock lair with open arms and martinis. He was fucking tortured. Not be be 2013 on main analyzing every frame to prove this again but I’m going to: he stumbles when he’s walking with Clint and Selvig to leave the big science room, and he has trouble getting into the truck thing because he’s INJURED from TORTURE see:

ass

[Not to mention all the dialogue in this scene that could be things he was told during his torture and brainwashing/manipulation that he’s repeating back as part of his mindfuckery, but I’m not gonna talk about it bc i know it’s also j*ss’s bad writing not knowing how to write Loki or anyone else and im not getting into that discourse right now. but also for my analytical purposes in my headcanon all of Loki’s dialogue in his first scene in Avengers (2012) is what Thanos told him during his torture]

ANYWAY my point is that Loki was not only influenced by the mind stone; thank you Marvel for finally acknowledging that that happened, but 

Loki was also tortured by Thanos and the Other prior to receiving the scepter

the Other threatens him with being tortured if he “fails” and “if the Tesseract is kept from us” and says “you think you know pain,” which could only refer either to him falling from the Bifrost and landing wherever the fuck he lands (whatever the fuck “The Sanctuary” is. Marvel you can’t just give things stupid cryptic names after the fact what the fuck that’s not fair), or to PREVIOUS TORTURE BY THANOS

the torture was physical as you can see from the everything about him in Avengers (2012), but also psychological as you can tell from his interactions with Thor throughout the movie. let’s take a look

ok well that’s sorta accurate to the feelings he had in Thor (2011). No evidence of brainwashing torture there. carry on.

See but that’s not right. Thor didn’t “toss” him, and while the influence of the mind stone could be warping his memory to make him think that, it would make more sense for Thanos to have used it or other torture to warp his memories to make him think that, to ensure that he would have this thought and this reasoning in his head before encountering his brother again [i know it’s really just bad writing shut up]. Thanos and the Other used Loki’s existing feelings of inferiority, thinking that ruling = worthiness, and resentment towards Thor to manipulate his memories, changing some of them with torture before giving him the scepter which then amplified those feelings and cognitive distortions (ha more psych terms) even more so he could carry out the plan to take over Earth. Playing on Loki’s existing resentment towards Thor made him willing to go after Earth, as he also pretty much says in this scene, so this all doesn’t excuse what he does. He isn’t being completely mind controlled. He’s been manipulated and tortured in a way that uses his existing negative feelings and tendency to create chaos as the GOD OF MISCHIEF to create violent action on behalf of a genocidal alien. Thor notices that when he asks this:

He recognizes Loki’s anger and resentment and twisted ambition from their last fight, but also sees from Loki’s descriptions of the tesseract’s power that his brother’s feelings have been manipulated and amplified by someone’s (and something’s) influence. His later interaction with Loki during the attack on New York when he appeals to him to stop almost works, in that moment people always screenshot to show that Loki’s eyes were blue and therefore he’s controlled by the scepter too oooooOOOOoooOOo (no guys Tom Hiddleston’s eyes are blue and Loki wasn’t controlled by the scepter in the same way as Clint and Selvig). Thor gets Loki to look at the violence around them and asks “do you think this madness will end with your rule?” and this gets through to Loki because he knows he’s not good at establishing order—he creates chaos because he’s THE GOD OF MISCHIEF. His ability to create chaos has been used by Thanos in a ploy to get the Tesseract, the idea that Loki would rule Earth used as vengeful motivation stemming from Loki’s pre-existing feelings of animosity and his earlier need to prove himself “worthy” that have been amplified by both his torture and the influence of the scepter. 

IN CONCLUSION (for now): Loki can create chaos, not control or rule it (see: Thor 2011), but his breakdown in Thor (2011) made him desperate to prove that he can rule, that he can fix problems he creates: he ruins Thor’s coronation and it goes too far, getting Thor banished and nearly starting a war with Jotunheim. He tries to fix it in an attempt to prove himself “worthy” to Odin, but can’t fix it. Thanos uses this need he has to prove himself to make him wreak havoc on Earth to get the Tesseract, but the Avengers defeat him, and Thanos not stepping in to get the Tesseract then 

shows that none of his plan was actually about Earth beyond trying to get the Tesseract and he used Loki’s resentment towards Thor to get to Earth for it

Marvel is bad at setting up long-term villains like Thanos and they should have done Secret Invasion instead because after Avengers (2012) they just fucking forget about him. because they should have introduced the other infinity stones earlier on so that him showing up made more sense. but whatever

So in actual concise response to Marvel updating the thing to say that Loki was influenced by the scepter/mind stone in Avengers (2012): yes thank you for finally fucking saying it and addressing one aspect of your inconsistent writing. We been knew. Loki was influenced by the scepter after being tortured and psychologically manipulated by Thanos and the Other between his fall from the Bifrost and the start of Avengers (2012). This does not mean he was not responsible for his destructive and murderous actions on Earth—that was fucked up—and he still very much did try to commit genocide in Thor (2011). I am not excusing that. However, he is a fictional character and I love him.

[stupidtwinkmac]

you asked for my full psychology notes so here they are

i rewatched the entire series and wrote down all the things i thought were relevant to the characters’ psychology, theres probably some stuff missing so message me if you think i should add anything

S1e1- “The Gang Gets Racist”

Dennis wants paddys to stay a gay bar bc he likes getting validation from gay boys

“They’re really more of a blue-green”

S1e3- “Underage Drinking: A National Concern”

Dennis talks about how popular he was in high school and cries a bit when mac and charlie tell him that tim murphy slept with his prom date which is like pretty normal but it foreshadows the high school reunion episode

-

Dee goes out with a high schooler just for the validation and to live out shit she couldn't do in high school

“Wait but ive never statutory raped anyone before”

-

Mac and charlie give high schoolers a keg bc they said that mac and charlie were cool

-

Mac gets jealous that everyone got asked to a high school prom except for him

S1e7- “Charlie Gets Molested”

Mac gets jealous that he didn't get molested

“If the McPoyles got blown, and Charlie got blown, then why didn't I get blown?”

-

charlie got molested by his uncle

S2e4- “Mac Bangs Dennis’ Mom”

Dennis gets pissed that people's moms wont fuck him

“Is everyone getting laid but me?”

S2e7- “The Gang Exploits A Miracle”

Dennis starves himself for three days because Dee said his face looked fat

S3e1- “The Gang Finds A Dumpster Baby”

Dennis pretends to be a hippie just to fuck some guys girlfriend because he insulted his quaff and called him a narc

S3e2- “The Gang Gets Invincible”

Dee pretends to be a guy to try out for the eagles just to prove that she can

s3e5 - “The Aluminium Monster Vs. Fatty Magoo”

Dennis goes on a Whole Thing to prove that he’s a winner and that he hasn't peaked

“I haven't even begun to peak”,  “make it work dennis… make it work”

S3e6- “The Gang Solves the North Korea Situation”

Dee does the talent show every year to validate herself

S3e11- “Dennis Looks Like A Registered Sex Offender”

Dennis obsesses over his jawline and his weight when people tell him he looks like wendell

-

Mac’s dad gets out of jail and we can see how neglectful his parents are

S4e3- “America’s Next Top Paddy’s Billboard Model Contest”

Dennis desperately tries to prove that he’s still hot enough to be on the billboard

“I was sculpted to the proportions of Michelangelo's David”

“I realized that i don’t need validation anymore”- proves that he was just doing the billboard stuff bc of a bpd need for validation.

S4e4- “Mac’s Banging the Waitress”

Dennis gets unreasonably upset when he finds out that Charlie doesn't think he’s his best friend

-

Mac bangs the waitress to get back at Charlie for smashing his project badass tapes

S4e5- “Mac and Charlie Die Pt 1”

Dennis gets more upset that Mac and Charlie didn't include him in their suicide pact than he is about them being “dead”

S5e2- “The Gang Hits The Road”

Charlie doesn't want to go on the road trip because he’s never left philly before, he asks dennis to comfort him about his fears of bad things happening and people being assholes, he eventually freaks out and asks the hitchhiker to drop him back off at the bar

S5e10- “The D.E.N.N.I.S System”

Dennis believes that his manipulation actually makes girls fall in love with him

S6e2- “Dennis Gets Divorced”

Charlie gets real uncomfy when uncle jack tries to hug him

S6e5- “Mac and Charlie: White Trash”

Dennis tries desperately to prove that he’s high class

S6e6- “Mac’s Mom Burns Her House Down”

Charlie’s mom has OCD and Charlie also starts to pick it up

“Why are you doing everything in threes?” “Oh. So Charlie doesn't die.”

“...just playing it safe. She's been doing it. I'm still alive. Can't be crazy” “ It does feel good to do stuff in threes.”

S6e8- “The Gang Gets a New Member”

Dee gets incredibly insecure when she opens the time capsule and hasn't done what she wanted to do when she was a kid

-

Charlie gets super insecure when he thinks smitty is replacing him

S6e10- “Charlie Kelly: King of the Rats”

Charlie doesn't like leaving the bar and going out into the world

“Dee, I go to a movie or a spaghetti place with you, and out there, I'm the rat.”

Charlie has a panic attack in a sauna

“I'm trapped like a rat, aren't I?” “No, you're not, Charlie.” “ I'm a rat in here! I'm a rat! I'm trapped like a - I gotta get out of here.” “I'm tired of being in weird places, Frank, 'cause I'm trapped like a rat.” Just bash me like a rat! Bash me like a rat and get it over with!”

S6e11- “The Gang Gets Stranded in the Woods”

Charlie has to be knocked out with a sack over his head to be able to go to Atlantic City

“This is why i don’t leave philly alright cause when you leave philly, bad shit happens”

-

Mac starves himself for chase utley

-

“If animals have taught me anything it's that you can die at any time very quickly by the side of the road”

S6e12- “Dee Gives Birth”

Dennis yells at a nurse about Dee’s stories like he’s a god

“I will come down on this hospital like the hammer of Thor. The thunder of my vengeance will echo through these corridors like the gust of a thousand winds!”

-

Dee berates guys until they have sex with her

S7e1- “Frank’s Pretty Woman”

Mac gains a ton of weight and calls it packing on mass

“I went from tiny twink to the muscle bound freak you see before you”

-

Dennis admits to starving himself and literally constantly working out

“I may look relaxed but im incredibly tense at all times”

S7e2- “The Gang Goes to the Jersey Shore”

Mac knocks carlie out with chloroform to get him to the jersey shore

S7e6- “The Storm of the Century”

Dennis writes a contract for the girls he plans to invite to his rape bunker

S7e7- “Chardee Macdennis: The Game of Games

Mac says that Dee tried to kill herself

S7e10- “How Mac Got Fat”

Charlie gets overwhelmed and goes in the crevice

-

Mac blames everyone else for making him fat

-

Dennis does dumb shit because he’s self conscious about getting old and looking bad

“I was just trying to live up to all of your expectations of me” “what expectations?” “physical perfection”

The entire chemical peel scene is a good representation of his mental disorders

S7e12- “The High School Reunion”

Dee tries to be friends with the popular people from school to validate herself

-

Mac got bullied and dealt drugs in high school

-

Charlie got bullied in school and huffed glue in the bathroom

“Everyone wants dirtgrub i'll give them dirtgrub okay i'll get high i'll get sad people can laugh at me i hate highschool man”

S7e13- “The High School Reunion Part 2: The Gang’s Revenge”

The entire golden god meltdown

“Its fetish shit i like to bind i like to be bound”

“You would just come around saying shit about being a golden god or some other insane crap and referring to all of us as your minions” “You always acted like you were better than everyone else but then you would just go and hang out with ronnie the rat or dirtgrub under the bleachers”

S8e5- “The Gang Gets Analyzed”

Dennis tries to analyze the therapist

-

Mac has some real severe mood swings

The therapist talks to him about body dysmorphia

-

Dennis giving mac “size pills”

Dennis keeps psychology profiles on everyone in the gang, he started dee’s in the 2nd grade

-

Dee’s entire “tell me i’m good” scene

S8e6- “Charlie’s Mom Has Cancer”

Dennis having trouble feeling throughout the entire episode until the “my mommy’s a skeleton” “i feel to much” scene

-

Charlie being incredibly overwhelmed the entire episode, (rubbing his head at Dr. Jinx’s, Getting real upset at church)

S8e7- “Frank’s Back in Business”

Dennis pretending to be brian lefevre

“I want you to get off with me” “This is about crawling into another man’s skin”

S8e8- “Charlie Rules the World”

The entire “I Am God” sensory deprivation tank scene

Dennis blowing himself could also be symbolic but it could also just be a bit

S9e3- “The Gang Tries Desperately to Win an Award”

Mac getting really defensive about slight banter “i've had tons of orgasms i've had one with your mom”

S9e5- “Mac Day”

Mac is not okay with being upstaged by country mac when he jumps off the bridge and offers people weed

“there's nothing badass about breaking the law”

S9e6- “The Gang Saves the Day”

Macs fantasy is about everyone admiring his badass karate skills and dennis crying over his dead body saying that he loves him

-

Dee’s fantasy is about killing every man in the room and finally being appreciated for her acting skills and marrying someone who doesn't call her a bird

-

Dennis’ fantasy is about surviving a bullet to the head at point blank range and killing his idea of the perfect woman

S9e7- “The Gang Gets Quarantined”

Charlie’s mom got him vaccinated way too often and made him wear bubble boy suits during flu season, Charlie also still has the suits for some reason

-

“I am in perfect control of my body, if i felt myself getting sick i would simply say SICKNESS BE GONE”

*sustains a perfect G5* “does that sound like a man who needs to be in the hospital”

S10e2- “The Gang Group Dates”

Dennis obsesses over his star rating on a dating app

“I AM A FIVE STAR MAN”

-

Dee has one night stands with a whole lot of guys that she’s not really into just to give them one star ratings

S10e3- “Psycho Pete Returns”

Dennis does a whole psychopath monologue about skin luggage

“You haven't thought of the smell you bitch”

He gets diagnosed with BPD and gets medication

S10e6- “The Gang Misses the Boat”

Dennis’ whole range rover speech

S10e8- “The Gang Goes On Family Fight”

Dennis breaks down crying because of the buzzer

-

Dee starves herself to look good for the camera

S10e10- “Ass Kickers United; Mac and Charlie Join a Cult”

Dennis tries to prove that he’s the best at manipulating people

S11e3- “The Gang Hits the Slopes”

Charlie brings up his agoraphobia shit again

“See, this is why I don't like leaving Philly, man. This is nuts.”

S11e4- “Dee Made a Smut Film”

Dennis got raped by a librarian in high school when he was 14

“I was in an older woman that’s cool right?”

S11e9- “The Gang Goes to Hell”

Dee manipulates guys into having sex with her

“So ill insinuate that it would be a shame if my account of what happened was different from his and he got a call from the sheriff”

S11e10- “The Gang Goes to Hell: Part Two”

Charlie has a panic attack about the boat sinking and dennis calms him down

“I knew I shouldn't have come on this cruise. I knew it! I mean, it used to be I would never even leave Philly! And then, you know, you guys drag me to this, you drag me to that, and next thing I know, I-I'm stuck in a box on a sinking ship!”

-

Dennis keeps onions in his pocket so that he can cry when he needs to

S12e3- “Old Lady House: A Situation Comedy”

Bonnie doing everything in threes so that charlie doesn't die

-

“I just can't enjoy it when the people being filmed, know they're being filmed”

S12e7- “PTSDee”

Charlie and dennis bonding over their trauma

-

Dee tries to ruin a guys life bc he said she was his rock bottom

S12e8- “The Gang Tends Bar”

“I have big feelings, and it hurts”

[heartxshaped-bruises]

GET TO KNOW MY CHARACTER !!

   @nanlanmo​: ❛❛ 1, 4(ehehe), 12, and 13 for the getting to know the muse meme for Tal! ❜❜    

                                                           ✧･ﾟ  𝐀𝐍𝐒𝐖𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐃.    

★   𝐓𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐄𝐒𝐈𝐍

01. WHAT DOES YOUR CHARACTER’S NAME MEAN? Did you pick it for the symbolism, or did you just like the way it sounded?

Originally, Tal was supposed to have a different name but I noticed that I already have another muse who has a name that could sound similar, so I discarded it again and went back to dig for something else. Given that he’s a Unseelie Fae I of course wanted something that has a closer connection to the origins of the lore since his FC doesn’t. I rarely actively choose a name for my muses bc usually, they pop up and bring their names into it, whether I like them or not. In Tal’s case I’ve had a bunch of new ones on the list before I settled for the one he has now. 

It’s Welsh and has some mythological relations to a famous brittonic poet and basically means ‘radiant brow’, as far as I know. That dude allegedly predicted a king’s death when he was at court as well and that’s also why Tal is very good at estimating and predicting his surroundings and others in a very advanced way -- not as in clairvoyant because I thought he’s just a natural and I like it better that way.

04. WHAT ARE THEIR FAVORITE TRAITS ABOUT THEIR LOVER? (one psychological and one physical)

Since YOU sent it *ahem* we will talk about Jessica of course.

PSYCHOLOGICAL: She doesn’t bore him. She keeps him on his feet. I once mentioned that it’s dangerous when he loses his interest in someone, but Jessica’s always good for a surprise. She doesn’t back off when he comes at her and it’s impressing to him how she can be so stubborn and confident but at the same time, seem fragile when she thinks no one is looking. It’s a delicate balance that really entices him.

PHYSICAL: Let’s narrow it down to her hair. I noticed that he mentions it more frequently than other things and he thinks it looks very beautiful. If it wouldn’t be for the arranged marriage that could have been a thing that got his attention if they met otherwise.

12. IS THERE SOME PARTICULAR TALENT, SKILL OR ATTRIBUTE THAT THEY SIMPLY COULD NOT GIVE UP?

First off, he can’t stop analyzing people. But that’s more of a habit that he also relies on heavily in his position as Gabriel’s advisor. In his regular verse he’s very into sports and tries every thing under the sun (if it doesn’t involve water). He needs to indulge in a lot of activity, he thrives when he’s at it. Same goes for simple training and sparring -- he’s good at it and doesn’t care if he gets hurt in the process. 

He also took a lot of interest in anything you can create with your hands like food, build stuff or make jewelery. He’s very good at the latter and uses little trinkets to trick people.

13. WHAT ARE YOUR CHARACTER’S SLEEPING HABITS? Heavy or light sleeper? Blanket stealer? One that always rolls onto the floor? Pushes their lover onto the floor? Sleep talker or walker?

Tal can fall asleep anywhere. He needs to be flexible and adaptive as a part of The Wild Hunt and has a low pain tolerance when it comes to this. He’s a very light sleeper though for exactly the same reasons and will wake up at the slightest sound that’s just a little too loud for his dog ears. Most of the time Tal sleeps on his back when in bed and tends to snatch the blanket if he has to share. Other than that he’s agreeable, though. No snorring, no talking, maybe an occasional twitching of legs but that’s it.

[synthient]

The thing is, after learning about Pegasus past and motivation, you can't hate him anymore.

mmmmm I can

(rambling under the cut bc I can’t just let myself have a reaction to fiction w/out analyzing it half to death)

So there’s three main villains in ygo, right:Pegasus, Marik, and Bakura. They all have tragic backstories and at leastsomewhat sympathetic motivations, they all do horrible inexcusable things topeople who don’t deserve it, and they all take a certain amount of sickpleasure in hurting their victims. But I think there’s a few different factorsthat set Pegasus apart from the other two, that make me view them as “kind ofawful but mostly tragic” but him as “kind of tragic but mostly awful.”

In terms of Pegasus being threatening:

Compared to most of the other villains in theseries, Pegasus comes off as almost completely infallible and in control rightup until the moment he’s defeated. He’s a wealthy, powerful, well-respectedadult, while Marik and Bakura are angry teenagers operating on the fringes. He’sgot everyone trapped on his private island, where he makes the rules and callsthe shots and there’s no way on or off except via his personal boat. He’s got fullcontrol over his Millennium Item at a point in the story where Yugi barelyunderstands how the puzzle works. He’s holding the heroes’ loved ones captiveand he can take it out on them if anyone tries to cross him. Marik loses toAtem repeatedly through mind slaves, and Bakura has already made one spectacularlyunsuccessful attempt to defeat the pharaoh prior to Memory World, but by the time the climatic duel of Duelist Kingdom comesaround not only is Pegasus undefeated, but we’ve watched him beat both of the characters that had been establishedas the strongest duelists in the series.

Marik and Bakura’s storylines both climax withfairly standard ~End of the World~ stakes, but the stakes in Pegasus’s arc aremuch more personal, and imo that makes them more effective. It’s hard to get tooconcerned about how things will turn out in a world-ending plot because there’salways a voice in the back of your head going “like the writers would really doit,” but it’s much more feasible that an individual character could get killedoff, or at least could be made to suffer a lot even if they ultimately get ahappy ending.

In terms of the easy-to-hate part:

Marik and Bakura both firmly believe they’regetting revenge on the person responsible for their pain. Pegasus doesn’tthink for a moment that his victims ever did anything to him—they’re just inhis way, and also hurting them is funny.

Pegasus is one of the few adult antagonists in acast full of teenagers. Yeah 24 isn’t a very adult-y adult, but there’s still areal power imbalance between him and all the teenagers on the island (and theeleven-year-old chained in his basement), and he’s fully aware of andcapitalizes on that dynamic (hence the whole “Kaiba-boy” thing”). It makes hismanipulation and psychological torture all the more distasteful,andrules out any sort of “he’s too young to be fully accountable” defense.

Marik and Bakura’s worst actions are usually, if nothing else, in direct service of their goals. Half the shit Pegasus pulls doesn’t have anything to do with his necromancy plan. Blackmailing Yugi and Kaiba into dueling each other and driving them both into breakdowns doesn’t accomplish anything. Tormenting Kaiba by threatening to make him fight his baby brother’s soulless shell doesn’t accomplish anything—he could have read Kaiba’s mind just as easily if they’d used duel disks. After he steals both Kaiba brothers’ souls, he mentally gloats that it would have been kinder to just kill them. Pegasus is needlessly and sometimes even counterproductively cruel, for no better reason than that he finds suffering entertaining.

Obviously this is mostly subjective, and I totally respect people who like him. For me personally his “past and motivation” just aren’t enough to tip the scale into likabilty, although I still think he’s a good and effective villain.

[groundramon]

Homph I finished tri and I wrote down my thoughts as I was watching because I had too many funny shitposts and nobody to share them with bc charlie hasn’t watched tri yet

PS i wont be reblogging tri spoilers (besides MINOR stuff like, digivolutions of already confirmed digivolution lines or non-spoilery shitposts, but I’ll try to tag shitposts as #tri spoilers anyways [digivolutions specific to tri ill tag as well but not ones that were already basically confirmed]) for a while so ur safe here!  I’m just gonna like everything/most things because then I can rb em to hisyaryumon lmao (also u should check out hisyaryumon....its me n charlie’s digimon blog)

EP 1:

- ok. alright. ok. good. they’re dealing with kari’s emotions now instead of just. nothing.  ok. alright. cool.  Still dont like how obscure/”artsy” they’re being with it, this is digimon not kagerou project, but ok.

- Also. I stand by tk and kari being one of the few good straight ships in digimon.  just saying.

- kari: this is my fault... me: god damn it shut up you little brat also me: god relatable ALSO me: ill take whatever display of emotions i can get

- I love how nobody believes tai is dead like.  They’re upset and worried but they’re also like “nah. he cant be. that fucking asshole just left us in our time of need” (actually only matt is the last one)

- Gabumon i would die for you also im crying and I think that’s the first time tri managed to make me fucking CRY

EP 2:

- I had thoughts but then the 02 kids happened and I entered another plane of reality.  I don’t feel real right now

- the only one I can remember is evil!gennai being a dumbass and being like “SUFFER AND SQUIRM YOU PATHETIC HUMANS AS YOU FIGHT OVER THE LAST SEAT” 1. humans are KNOWN for their ability to care for others you dumb obvious fuck and 2. is. is the entire tube going? because that tube can fit too people if they squish.  This isn’t a joke I’m serious it can.

- oh yeah also when i saw whomstever the fuck his name is (adult guy who i love but fuck names) and he was all bloodied i was like “its a cold day in hell when i see blood in digimon” (I think there was blood in an earlier ep but shh idc)

EP 3:

- didn’t nishijima start off as a fucking life coach to these kids.  What the fuck he was supposed to help them find a career not emotionally scar them by bloodily dying in front of one of them

- im realizing that the reason hackmon was always in his cloak, in the shadows, standing still is that they cannot animate him in any normal position for the life of him.  I drew him with better anatomy when i was 14 and didn’t have a tablet.  No seriously, look:

I didn’t say it wasn’t bad, you guys are just underestimating how bad the anatomy on this poor creature is.  Why cant ppl draw dracomon or hackmon correctly imma cry

- ordinemon has the best reaction faces

the best part about these two screenshots is that they literally cut one to the other, first the first one to the second one and then it cuts back to the first one.  They were really proud of these stupid ass expressions.

- I started overcoming my dissociation shock from the second episode and my hypercritical mind was analyzing the shit out of everything that happened (it is Not happy) but then evil!gennai called kari and evil goddess and idk if he’s exaggerating to make her feel bad or if she’s literally a fucking god of chaos and destruction and either way im like

she did kinda like.  Watch wizardmon die, watch tai die, watch gatomon get absorbed.  The dark ocean is just a metaphor for depression and honestly if 02 wasn’t all over the fucking place I think Kari would’ve had some pretty decent development in it.  Actually you know what, I’m using that as an angle to approach Tri at now, wish me luck bc i might actually give it more leeway now

EP 4:

- I’m not dissociating but I forgot to say anything again and I already forgot what happened

- Cant believe mei is fucking dead

EP 5:

- I like to imagine that Tai got there like a few minutes ago, but he was like “well damn guess yall figured it out without me.  alright ill just. see if I need to do anything” and then meicoomon was Still Bad so he waited for when she struck just to make the most badass entrance possible.  Fucking extra ass bitch

- I forgot to write anything again but uhhh I wasn’t satisfied so anyways lets just get into the Juicy Details

Originally I was actually planning to be kinder to Tri than I expected.  Was very invested during it.  ‘Round the end of the last ep I realized hmmm no this isn’t working out.  Where are the 02 kids.  You should’ve brought them in to save the day.  That would’ve been SO cool and SO fun.  Fucking cowards.

god I’m kinda tired so I’m going to address a couple things I still had problems with, note that this isn’t everything it’s just everything I felt comfortable yelling about without rewatching past eps.  Like I forgot nishijima was all bloodied and presumably died in the last part until they brought it up and I was like “????” ALSO DID THE LADY WHO WAS HIS PARTNER OR W/E KILL HERSELF WITH THE GUN SHE FOUND, I JUST REALIZED LITERALLY AS I WAS TYPING THIS THAT SHE FOUND A GUN AND THEN I THINK IT CUT TO BLACK AND I’M

DID SHE FUCKING KILL HERSELF WHAT THE FUCK

anyways my problems:

1. They did joe. really dirty.  I’ll write a more proper rant on this sometime later (mostly bc charlie is MUCH better at talking about joe than I am) but basically I can tell you that his character development in the movies squandered his OG character development.  He’s basically an entirely different person.  Like Tri joe isn’t bad, besides being largely neglected (yes he has a whole half a movie to himself, no that doesn’t make up for it all), its just...not OG joe.  He’s a fine character just not the same character, and its NOT fine when you put the two together.

2. THEY DID THE 02 KIDS EVEN DIRTIER IM SO BITTER sorry you nostalgia-blind, money-hungry fucks at bandai, but the 02 cast is PART OF THE ADVENTURES UNIVERSE.  The only people who hate 02 are ones who like the characters but hate the mess of the storyline at the end, or are completely irrational and elitist about their love of the digimon series and would greatly re-evaluate their opinions if they watched the original series and 02 back to back.  They couldn’t even show them in some kind of group montage at the end??? Standing in the background when they call Mei???  Why couldn’t they call mei from a home phone also, but that’s a less important problem idc that much.  It was a cute scene besides the lack of 02 characters.  Whatever.  AND THE PROBLEM IS LIKE kari and tk?  This entire time???  Were like “oh they disappeared. oops” instead of being frantically searching for their lost friends???  Like i get tk and kari probably have fucking ptsd and can’t express any emotions because they watched important people die in front of their eyes at an incredibly young age but also 1. they didn’t address the ramifications of ptsd, so fuck that theory/excuse and 2. THAT??? WOULD ONLY MAKE THEM LOOK HARDER??? and put on a brave face as they look, but inside they’re so scared and so worried.  Not just “oh sweet, they were found/saved, theyre in the hospital but that’s fine” like WHAT theyre fucking assholes if that’s what they’d canonically do lmao.  God I am SO bitter over the ENTIRE thing with the 02 kids, it would’ve been BETTER if they were deleted from the fucking canon entirely.  Would I have still been bitter?  Yes.  But at least I wouldn’t be madder at TK and Kari too.

3. I stand 100% by the notion that Digimon is not and will never be cut out to be an adults’ franchise.  It wasn’t designed for adults, and it can’t be skewered towards adults.  These particular characters were designed for kids to relate to and find entertaining.  They do not work when placed into an adult setting.  Like, can you imagine a character like Ed from FMA going to the Digimon world?  I guess in a way that’s just Marcus but like.  Just imagine the FMA cast in Digimon Adventure.  It doesn’t work.  Digimon Tri is basically that except real.  Also Data Squad was darker than Adventure so my joke doesn’t even work.

I guess my primary point is that Tri isn’t mature enough of a setup for an adult audience.  It puts a focus on being “complex” and “philosophical” instead of working within Digimon’s constraints and making something good and adult out of that.  Like!  Digimon is a fucking TOY COMMERCIAL.  Don’t give me messages about the futility of human life.  I want bad puns and emotional characters.  That’s what Digimon has ALWAYS been, and ideally always will be.  Tri could’ve made itself more mature by dealing with the ramifications of the Digital World’s events, how it affected the kids psychologically and dealing with healing old scars.  It would’ve been a more mature take on a story we loved and would use things we loved about the story already - the fact that it took so much time exploring characters’ emotions and was surprisingly mature for the time - to make itself better.  You need to take the aspects that drew adults to the show and amplify them, not just slap on a complex story and unfunny dialogue and be like “oh this is fine, right?”

It’s not that Digimon can’t exist as an adult property, its just that if it repeats what Tri did, it’s got no merit and in my eyes the franchise is dead.  If it survives I guess I’ll be happy that people can still enjoy it but I find it unsustainable and unsatisfying to fans of the older series.  Tri is just a fuckfest of highly specific nostalgia that tries too hard to appeal to old fans without capturing what made the original series so magical, and in part thats because the original series WASN’T FOR ADULTS.  I don’t know about the Digimon Story games, bc they’re T-rated so perhaps they’re a better take on an adult Digimon story than Tri?  But you either need to make your own characters and lore specifically for an adult-oriented Digimon season, or perish.  Also, please make it a series and not a group of movies.  Getting four eps every 6-9 months was hell.

I stand by saying Appmon is a more faithful Digimon season than Tri to Digimon’s original spirit.  I believe it holds more potential for success than Tri and better embodies the spirit of the older Digimon seasons.  It’s dumb, its corny, it has horrible puns, but I LOVE it because it also has a deep dark story and emotional moments.  If you dislike Tri and you agree with things I said that make it unlikeable, I highly recommend giving Appmon a chance - if you watch a few episodes and think “oh yeah, I guess this is decent” you’re going to like it.  It’s everything Digimon has always been and hopefully always will be, just with a different concept.  And hopefully the end of the series doesn’t leave a sour taste in my mouth and I have to redact this statement haha since I’m not done with it yet, but I’ve heard good things about it so I’m hoping not so.

Overall, if you watch Tri, don’t get your hopes up.  It resolves everything okay-ish but it’s a pretty forgettable anime on its own and simply doesn’t work as part of the Digimon franchise.

I am, however, pretty interested in what evil!gennai said at the end about Diaboromon and Daemon.  It raises interesting questions about the timeline too.  We know Daemon is in the dark ocean, so perhaps that’s a hint at a future project?  (They did confirm a future project btw, in conjunction with tri being over)  But what about Diaboromon?  I dont believe that Our War Game (I think thats what its called?) took place after Tri, based on the outfits and ages and stuff, but I also don’t remember the movies that well.  Could Diaboromon still be out there too?  It’s interesting.

However, because of the lackluster performance of Tri, I don’t have my hopes up and I really hope that this “next project” goes in a different direction.  Although I guess if they include the 02 kids, I’ll be somewhat less salty...

Side note, did they ever explain why the gennais went evil?  Like ?  That’s a pretty important thing.  The gennais helped SAVE the human world in 02.  And I get that apparently Tri is ignoring 02′s ending but still.  It’s shitty, because Gennai was still a good guy in the original too (and also they cant just keep is younger look and act like 02 never happened)  MAYBE its something I missed but I dont think so.  God there’s just.  So much wrong with Tri.  I’m very displeased and very bitter and I wanna get back to Appmon asap.

It’s got good moments, its got bad moments, I dont know, I don’t care.  There’s nothing wrong with you if you like it, there’s nothing wrong with you if you don’t, and there’s nothing wrong with you if you flip flop and are split like me.  I just wish Tri fulfilled its potential instead of becoming a boring mess.

[sweetcatastrophex]

there’s so much going on, i feel overwhelmed again. i’m being attacked personally and professionally on facebook for simply asking for local reactions to the presidential election bc my editor asked us to do stories on it. these people are in complete denial of reality and calling me fake news and not real journalism. meanwhile i’m busting my ass day in and day out for dirt wages to bring high quality news to more than 30,000 people. also, they’re fucking WRONG lmao so embarrassing for them. then i have my mom denying reality too, diverting constantly from how horrible trump is, claiming facts aren’t true and she even said to me that she lost respect for all journalists. that my industry is going down the tube. i’m scared. this is terrifying — truth is losing its sanctity. people discredit facts simply because they don’t like them. and trump and people like ben shapiro and tucker carlson and rudy guliani make them comfortable doing so. and it’s not just this country — demagogues around the world are crumbling democracy. and if we crush democracy here, what happens? even tho biden won there’s still more than 70 million people who support racist, narcissistic, dumbass failure of a salesman trump. our country is literally divided in half and that half has guns. i do my best to avoid news about trump, avoid hearing what he says or tweets, but he still creeps into my life in other ways — even causing my family members to stop talking to me. and i’m so sick of it. yeah the same family members who preached about “family first” family is always there for you blah blah blah bitches you blocked me out of your life after one political post i shared. liars and hypocrites. i just finished a mental breakdown. was hysterically crying as soon as i finished work bc of the onslaught of things — the FB comments, my mom denouncing my career choice, the crumbling sanctity of the truth, the mistrust of journalists, democracy being attacked and overrun... it’s just a lot tonight. i was crying so hard but i guess i had to let it out. and i was doing so good. i wasn’t sharing political posts on social media as much, wasn’t interacting with trolls for the sake of my mental health... then this shit happened. thanks, work, for making me post on FB. these people are absolutely fucking delusional. ima ignore em all tho lol. poor morty cried a little too and was looking at me as i was sobbing.. he came over to me prob bc i was so loud and comforted me, pushing up against me with his body and licking my feet lol then jake stopped playing video games when i approached him and talked to me and calmed me down. my boyzzz <3 i tried calling karen but she’s watching a movie with a friend and i called peter to talk to him bc he’s a reporter too so we relate on that level and it helped a little. i think ima read some NY Times opinion columns or something.  like i get it. this is nothing new — i’ve been analyzing conservatives for years now. the psychology of it (massive projection almost constantly), their mindsets, what drives them (fear), etc. the party was even prepping to call the election illegitimate for months by falsely claiming voter fraud and “illegal votes” (what is that). we knew it was coming. i said to my mom that i know there’s shitty things happening in the world and in the country, and it’s easy to deny them and pretend like they don’t exist but that’s not how you make things better. to improve something you have to first accept there’s an issue (in this case, many, many issues). 

[literallyprentissstwin]

Stronger than you´ll know! - Aaron Hotchner x Daughter!OC

This is my entry for @reiding-and-writing ´s trope challenge to celebrate 1.7k followers and it kinda took me forever to get a decent idea for the request i picked. thanks to the help of @illegalcerebral i finally found my way of writing it so here it comes <3 also thanks to her for prereading it :) 

I picked Aaron as the main character. The challenge was to include an OC character. I proudly present Melinda “Mellie” Hotchner, the sixteen year old daughter of our favorite fearless leader. She currently attends highschool and has a rather difficult time there.

Prompt: “One character is sick/injured, so anotherone takes care of him.”

Characters: Aaron Hotchner, Melinda “Mellie” Hotchner, Jack Hotchner, the team

Warnings: angst (as usual), mention of bullying (bullying is an important topic so please if you experience something like it, talk to someone about it!)

A/N: I kinda based this story on myself. I was bullied back in High School on many levels (mostly psychological and cyber one). i would love to hear some feedback on this one here bc I kinda had a hard time writing it. Also i´m not sure if i fulfilled this given prompt correctly, so i apologize if i did not :)

“Melinda, hurry up! You´re gonna be late for school!”, Aaron Hotchner screamed as he put a plate full of pancakes on the table in front of Jack who immediatley started eating. It was a morning like any other. Aaron prepared breakfast for his kids and afterwards, he would drive them to school before heading to work. Five minutes later, Hotch was still waiting for his eldest child. Usually, Melinda (or Mellie as her family and friends called her) was the first one to get up in the morning. It wasn´t typical for her to be that late. 

Hotch checked the clock and frowned. They needed to leave in half an hour, so he again started to scream. 

“Mellie, come on. We have to leave soon.”

“Stop screaminng, Dad. I´m coming.”, the teenager replied, annoyed, as she came down the stairs. 

“We´re going to be late if you keep moving like this.”, Aaron said. Melinda just shrugged with her shoulders and made her way into the kitchen to grab a bottle of water. 

“Who cares about school?! It sucks, teachers suck and especially people suck.”, the girl said as she put on her jacket and got ready to leave. 

“No, school is fun. I love school.”, Jack said, a huge, carefree smile spreading on his face. 

“Wait until Highschool, buddy and remember my words.”, Melinda told him as she ruffled his hair. 

“Come on, sit down. I made breakfast.”, Hotch said, but Melinda shook her head.

“A-ahm, I´m not that hungry, Dad. And is it okay if I´ll walk to school today?”, she asked, earning a concerned look from her Dad. 

“Yeah, sure, but I think you should anyway eat something. I don´t want you to starve.”

“I´ll grab something from on my way.”, she reassured him as she checked the clock, “I have to go. Bye buddy, bye Dad.”, she both kissed them goodbye and then left the house in a hurry. 

“Yey, more chocolate chip pancakes for me!”, Jack cheered at which Aaron smiled and watched his son eat while he kept wondering what was going on with his daughter.

Two hours later, Hotch was discussing a case file with David in his office as his phone rang. 

“SSA Aaron Hotchner, hello? How can I help you? Oh, hello...yes...e-ehm okay, she actually left this morning to walk to school...okay, no, I understand. I´ll call her and see what I can find out. Thanks for the call, Miss Johnson. Have a nice day. Bye!”, he ended the call and frowned. 

“What´s wrong?”, Dave asked. 

“That was Melinda´s teacher. She said that she hasn´t attended any classes today, which is very unlike Mellie.”, Hotch answered as he dialed his daughters number.

“Maybe there´s a simple explenation for it, Aaron. Maybe it´s about a boy.”, Rossi smirked.

“I hope so.”, he said as he pressed the call button and waited for Mellie to pick up the phone. The longer it took her to pick up, the more nervous the agent got. He was scared that something bad had happened to her. He couldn´t loose any more people. 

“Hello?”, he suddenly heard his daughters voice which sounded like she had been crying. 

“Oh, thank god. Mellie, it´s me. Where are you?”

“I´m at school, where else should I be?”, Mellie replied. 

“Miss Johnson called me and said that you hadn´t been in her class this morning which is so unlike you.”

“Well, I actually was in class. Maybe she just did not see me, I don´t know...”, Mellie sniffled. 

“Melinda, what´s wrong? I know you and I think we both know that this is not true. Tell me what´s going on.”

“Nothing is going on, Dad. I´m just...stressed. But I have to go now, the next class is starting soon. Bye Dad!”, and with that, she hung up. 

“I know that look.”, Dave said, “what´s going on in that mind of yours?”

“Something is wrong, but I can´t make out what it is. She´s been so closed of and nervous for weeks now and as soon as I mention school or friends, her mood skips. I don´t know..maybe she has some troubles at school. God, I´m a Profiler. I analyze tons of people a day, but I can´t make out what´s going on with my teenage daughter.”, Aaron said frustrated. 

“Don´t beso hard on yourself, Hotch. She´s a teenager. Maybe it´s just a phase. You should try and talk to her when you´ll get home tonight or I can try and talk to her. Just don´t pressure her in telling you. This will only make it worse.”, Rossi adviced as he took a sip of his coffee. 

Aaron sighed. “You´re right. I just wanna help her. She´s my daughter, Dave.”

“I know and you will. Just one step at a time. One step at a time.”

Later that day, David made sure that Hotch would leave earlier so he could have a talk with Mellie. They all knew the girl since she was born. They all truly and deeply cared for her. So it was also in the team´s interest to fix whatever was bother the young girl, so she could be her shining self again. Rossi actually pushed Aaron out of his office at around 4pm and made sure that he took nothing but his keys, cell and wallet with him, so he could completley focus on his daughter. 

When Aaronn arrived at home, Mellie wasn´t there so he decided to prepare some dinner. An hour later, Jessica brought Jack over, but Melinda still wasn´t there. Hotch texted and called her, but none of it reached her, because she had turned off her phone. Around 8pm, when she still wasn´t there, he decided to let Garcia track her down after he had put Jack into bed. Just when he was about to call Garcia, the front door opened and Melinda sneeked into the house. 

“Can you tell me where you´ve been? School was out around five hours ago. You know you´re supposed to give me or Jess a call when you´re gonna be late.”, Aaron spoke as he walked towards his daughter. 

“Sorry, I forgot to call. I went home with Lucy after school to prepare a presentation for our french class and I kinda forgot the time.”, she replied, not looking at her Dad. 

“It would have taken a minute at least to actually just send a text message, Melinda.”

“Yeah..okay, I got it, Dad. I screwed up, you´re mad. I get it. I´m sorry I forgot. But I´m here so no need to worry.”, she said as she headed towards the stairs. 

“But I am worried about you. First, I get this call that you´re not in class, then you´re obviously lying to me and now, you come home at 8 in the evening without saying a word to anyone. You´re behaving completley strange and unlike you.”, Hotch ranted while Melinda looked at her buzzing phone. Something inside of him snapped, so he took Mellie´s phone away from her to get her attention. 

“Hey, give it back! This is mine.”, she argued as she tried and reached for it. While doing so, her huge jumper sleeve rolled up and revealed a white bandage which was covering a part of her arm. Melina immediatley tried to put the sleeve back down, but it was too late. Aaron grabbed her wrist carefully and looked concerened at the bandage. 

“Mellie...what..”, he started, but she pulled her wrist out of his grip. 

“I just hurt myself during sport class today..I´m fine.”, she said as she grabbed her phone when her father wasn´t paying any attention to it. 

“No, you´re not. Please, talk to me, princess. I´m worried. I care for you and...”, he again started but got interrupted by his daughter. 

“Don´t...don´t say it. Don´t pretend to care, Dad. You´re always away, so how could you possibly care? This is my business, so back off.”, the young girl said, choking on tears as she ran up into her room and locked herself in while leaving an even more concerned and hurt Aaron Hotchner behind. 

The next morning went as the last one. Mellie got up late and was looking like she did not get any sleep last night. Her phone kept buzzing which she tried to ignore. Hotch tried talking to her, but she also tried to completley ignore him. Without saying a word, Melinda left the house in a hurry. If Aaron´s heart wasn´t broken enough yet, it definitley ripped apart more as Jack asked if he did something wrong because Melinda wouldn´t kiss him goodbye. How do you explan the stuff that might be going on to a six year old boy who should not be bothered with things like these? 

After breakfast, Hotch drove Jack to school and the got to the BAU. He needed a plan. He needed to help his daughter. With quick steps, he made his way through the bullpen without greeting his co-workers. He went to his office and immediatley called Jessica to ask if she could take in Jack over night so he could at least again try to talk to his daughter. He won´t give up.  When he ended the call, he heard someone knock at his door. 

“Come in.”, he replied as he sat down at his desk, opening a case file. 

“Hey, is everything alright?”, Emily asked as she slowly entered his office and closed the door behind her. 

“Yeah...I don´t know exactly. I´m worried about Mellie.”

“Did you talk to her yesterday? Rossi told me that she´s going through a rough phase when I asked him how he got you out of your office this early.” Hotch smirked. 

“Yes, it was my intention to talk to her, but instead we ended up fighting because she came home way too late without telling me and then, she had this bandage covering half of her arm which had me concerned.”

“She´s a teenager, Hotch. Maybe there´s something going on with which she isn´t comfortable of talking to you about it.”

“She told me that I didn´t care about her.”, Aaron stated, a hurt look lingering on his face.

“I bet she actually did not mean it. You´re a great father, Hotch. You do everything in your might possible to be there for them both. If it would help, I can try and talk to her. It´s Wednesday and Mellie and me ususally meet on Wednesday´s for lunch and girl talk.”, Emily suggested. 

“You would do that?”, the agent asked.

“Sure, I´m always happy to help. And if it means figuring out what´s going on with her, I´m in.”

“Thank you, Emily. That means a lot.”, he said as he gave her on of his rare smiles. Emily smiled back and left the office, praying that lunch break would be here soon. 

“Hey, Em.”, Mellie smiled as she greeted the dark haired agent with a hug. 

“Hey, girly.”, Prentiss said as they broke the hug after what felt like an eternity, “shall we go inside?”, the agent asked at which Mellie nodded. 

Together, they entered the small bistro which was down the street from the BAU. After Hayley died and Melinda didn´t get that well along with her aunt Jessica, but Hotch still thought that she kinda still needed some “motherly” advice, Prentiss offered to take that role. She did not want to replace Hayley. She just wanted to be a human sounding board for a sixteen year old girl who sometimes might need an advice from a woman (especially when it come to girls stuff and boys.). Emily and Mellie bonded really fast since they both know eachother for quite some time already. Aaron couldn´t thank Emily enough for what she did. 

After they got settled at a table back in the corner of the restaurant, they both ordered their usual meals and started some small talk as they waited for their food.

“So, how you´ve been?”, the brunett woman asked. 

“I´m okay. School is stressful as usual but only two more years to go and then I`m off to college. What about you?”, Melinda said. 

“I´m great. Sergio is great. I´m still enjoying my job and thank god, we didn´t had a case the last few days.”, Emily sighed, “you already got some plans what you wanna do after Highschool?”

“I´m not sure yet. I thought about going to study law or criminology, but I also love working with kids. Media is also pretty interesting.”

“Well, at least you already got some sort of a plan. But you got plenty of time left yet. Just enjoy Highschool as long as you can.”

Mellie laughed nervously. 

“Ha, yeah...well...”, she said as the waitress moved over to their table and placed their food in front of them. The girls thanked her and started to eat. While eating, Melinda´s phone kept buzzing. She quickly checked, but annoyed clicked the messages away. 

“You okay?”, Prentiss asked as she observed the nervous girl. 

“Ehm, yes...I`m fine.”, Mellie said, giving the agent a fake smile. 

“You´ve got some quite resistent friends, huh?”, Emily went on. 

“Kinda..”, the girl replied as she poked around in her salad. Emily couldn´t tae it any longer and snapped. 

“Okay, Mel. What´s going on?”

“I don´t know what...”

“You know exactly what I mean. You´re really closed off. Everytime your phone is buzzing, you tense up. Oh and not to mention that white bandage looking out from under your sleeve.”

“Did Dad tell you to talk to me or why are you profiling me like I´m one of those unsubs you hunt?”

“He´s worried about you and so am I. I can see that you are not okay.”

“Emily, I...”, Mellie said as the phone buzzed again and the girl subconsciously tensed up. 

“Give me the phone.”, Emily ordered.

“Em...”

“Mel, give me the phone.”

The girl hesitated for a moment, but then gave in; there was no other way out of it. Tears gathered in her eyes as she gave Emily her unlocked phone and waited for her to say anything. The agent needed a minute to actually understand what was going on, but eventually, she did. 

“How long has this been going on?”, she asked angrily. 

“It started two weeks ago a-and i-it only got worse. They put my number out there so everyone is able to call or text me. It´s horrible. I don´t know what to do. I don´t know why they are doing this.”, Mel sobbed as she hugged herself. Emily, on the other hand, put some money on the table and got up.

“Come on.”

“W-where are we going?”, Melinda asked confused. 

“We´re gonna head back to the BAU:”

“N-No, no, Dad doesn´t need to know.”

“He already knows that something i going on. We only wanna help.”

Melinda felt too weak to fight any longer, so she gave in. She got up and together, they made their way back to the bureau. 

“Mellie...what happened?”, Hotch asked concerned as he was about to exit Rossi´s office. Before saying a word, the girl rushed into her father´s arms and immediatly started crying. 

“Derek, can you bring Garcia this phone? Let her track every person who send a message on here.”, Emily said as she handed Melinda´s phone to Morgan, who gave ger a confused look. 

“We have a severe case of cyber bullying here and I want to find those kids.”

With this, Morgan ran off to Penelope´s office, anger boiling inside of him. No one messes with his family. 

“I-I´m so s-sorry, Dad.”, Melinda whispered, still hugging her father tight. 

“What´s going on?”, he asked as confused as Derek did a few seconds ago. 

“Maybe we should go and talk in private.”, Emily suggested at which Hotch nodded, so he guided his scared daughter up to his office, followed by Emily, who closed the blinds and the door to create a safe place for the girl. Aaron and Mel sat down on the couch, while Prentiss took a seat on the armchair across from them. The crys of the shaking girl have subsided, so Aaron tried to talk to her again.

“Mel, can you please tell me what´s going on?”

The girl tried to gather herself and sat up while wiping away the tears from her face.

“I-It all started like two weeks ago. You know, there´s this group of girls at school who pretend they rule over everyone there. Well, I saw them pushing around a little girl and I wanted to help. So I jumped in front of the girl and eventually, they let it go and left, saying that they will be watcing me. Then it only got worse. One day, I saw them lurking around in the classroom where Miss Johnson left her stuff at and also the example of the class test we were about to write the next day and they stole it and went off. I don´t know what came into my mind, but I just wanted to do the right thing. I told Miss Johnson, who told the principal and he confronted them, ending in them getting suspended from school for three weeks. Someday after dance class, they waited for me and threatened me that this was a mistake and I´ll regret what I´ve done. Well, they weren´t wrong.”, Melinda explained as her Dad and Emily were listening carefully. 

“What happened then?”, Emily wanted to know. 

“It was calm for the next two days until these weird messages started coming up. They posted my number on several social media pages and I got many terrifiying calls. One day, someone even tracked my cell and waited for me at the library. He tried to get me to come witch him but I fought him off. This is why I have this bandage. Also, people in school started to bully me, but I was too scared to speak up because who knew what else would happen. So I kept shut about it and pushed people away. I tred to deal with it alone, but I failed. God, they said all thos hurtful things like that I´m a disgrace and that I should go and kill myself. They tried to get inside my head by telling me I´m not good enough and that I´m fat and ugly. I didn´t know what to do...I´m so sorry, Dad.”, she finished as she started crying again. Hotch put his arms around her and did his best to comfort her. 

“There´s no need to be sorry, princess. I´m so proud of you for doing the right things and protecting others and speaking your mind. We will get them and everything will be okay again, I promise. No one will ever hurt you again, I´ll make sure of that.”

And he kept his promise.

Three months later, everything started to turn out quite good for Melinda. After the talk back in her father´s office, the girl squad got arrested and put into prison as it turned out it wasn´t the first time them doing such things. Garcia also was able to track down all thos cringy messengers who harrassed the girl. They also got a warning from the police. Melinda herself decided to change school after everything that happened and she couldn´t be happier about it. Hotch, who stood close at his daughter´s side during this time, made sure that he made up more time for both of his kids. He also got Mellie to go to talk to a professional about the last months to cope with everything. Aaron and the team were there for the girl every step of the way. He took care of his daughter when she woke up at 4 in the morning from nightmares, he helped her rebuild her confidence and Morgan offered to teach the girl some self-defence-lessons. Overall, Melinda was surrounded by people who truly and deeply cared for her and she couldn´t be more thankful. 

“Good morning, Dad. Good morning, bud.”, she said happily as she came down to the kitchen to go and have breakfast like it used to be.

“Good morning, princess. Slept well?”, Hotch asked, putting her plate down in front of her.

“Thanks and yep, no nightmares.”, she answered proudly as she enjoyed her chocolate chip pancakes and coffee. Aaron smiled and was about to say something when Jack spoke up.

“Aunt Jessica and I are gonna go to the cinema later today. You wanna come to Mel?”, he asked. 

“Sure, why not?”, she agreed. The relationship to her aunt also got better in the last few months since she realized that she didn´t want to replace her Mom, but actually just wanted to help. They continued having breakfast in silence when Hotch checked the clock. 

“Alright guys, finish up. We need to leave in five.”, he said as he got ready. The kids both cleared their plates and got their bags before getting into the car. They first dropped Jack off at his school before heading to Mel´s new school. 

“Okay...so after school, I´ll directly head over to Jess´ place.”, she said before the got out, “I´ll text you when I get there.”

“Okay, have a nice day.”, Aaron said as he waved his daughter goodbye. She smiled at him, closed the door and made her way towards the school as she felt her phone buzzing in her pocket. Confused, she picked it out and opened the message which put a huge smile on her face: 

“Always remember: You´re stronger than you´ll know!” 

She smiled at the words and turned around to look at her Dad who gave her a final look before driving away starting a new day...

- You don´t know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.- 

* Bob Marley 

Tag List: 

CM: @imagicana @marvelfanlife @illegalcerebral @milkandcookies528 @liz-a-22 @sunreid @reiding-and-writing @rachficrecs

Hotch: @michellelisa @littledizzyhurricane @iammostdefinitelyonfire26