#also yeah i wouldn’t really recommend watching the film with this commentary

[finchers-ipad]

I watched ‘Fight Club’ with commentary from Chuck Palahniuk and Jim Uhls (screenwriter) and here are some of may favourite bits of information from it:

- the narrators condo was modelled after a condo Fincher used to live in

- Palahniuk owned the ying-yang table after the movie

- when Fincher first read the book he was so excited that we went to New York to pitch it to Pitt, and Brad Pitt was filming ‘Meet Joe Black’ at the time so Fincher sat on his door step until 1am and pitched him the role over a beer

- this is a direct quote from Palahniuk about their ‘post first fight sharing a beer scene’ “now this is so weird, drinking out of the same thing is like sort of a short hand for a love relationship in so many movies. um, that i couldn’t believe they were sharing a beer. it just seemed like such a powerful symbol, metaphor.” I KNOW WHAT THEY ARE!!!!

- at the publishing party for the book, one of Palahniuk’s friends had buttons made that said “I want to have Tyler Durden’s abortion”

- Direct quote from Palahniuk again “and it’s funny because there’s a whole undercurrent, like her alluding to him wearing the dress, her asking if it was a man or woman who kissed his hand. In a way she’s re enforcing this possible homoerotic thing on the side”

- Jim Uhls described the scene where the narrator beats up Angel Face as having “homosexual connotations”

[seething-fire]

Sanders Sides & Youtube head canons

This is just what I think the sides would watch on YouTube.. :) 

Warnings: swearing, mention of depression and anxiety 

just found this in my drafts, I have no idea how long it’s been there

Also- the names aren’t color coded because it wouldn’t let me do that for some reason 

Enjoy! 

Logan:

- MatPat STAN

- Film Theory, Food Theory, Game Theory, all of it

- After he watches a movie for the first time, he sees if any of his faves have made a video on it yet

- After a debate (or when he feels like debating) he looks up the topic on YouTube to see if he can find any video essays

- He knows what ASMR is, so you know what I’m about to say

- HE IS OBSESSED WITH ASMR, okay???

- Especially personal attention centered ones bc he doesn’t get personal attention irl

- Started watching Buzzfeed Unsolved with Virgil after AA

- When he’s had a bay day or week he searches for those videos that are titled “This video will make you cry”

- Not going to elaborate on that one so here ya go, my fellow Logan stans

Virgil:

- Watches emo band music videos (obviously)

- ADORES those SFX makeup artists

- He may or may not want to be a makeup artist in his free time

- When he’s anxious, he watches ASMR

- No one is aware that he does this

- He knows that Patton and Logan watch it, but he’s given them so much shit about it, he cannot ever tell them he likes it too

- One day when he was having a panic attack, he thought “oh what the hell, it’s worth a shot”

- Has been hooked ever since

- He loves conspiracy theory videos, as we learned

- Religiously watched Buzzfeed Unsolved

- You know those people who make sculptures that look exactly like Tim Burton characters?

- Yeah, his watch history is FILLED with video after video of people crafting Jack Skellington or Emily, the Corpse Bride

- He may or may not have tried to make one himself

Patton:

- Obviously watches the videos where the pet’s army parents come home

- LOVES baking videos, specifically Preppy Kitchen, because he adores how neat everything looks

- When he’s had a rough day, he makes a quick run to the store so he can whip up one of the recipes from the video

- Really likes art related ASMR

- It soothes him

- He sometimes watches gaming videos

- Games like Minecraft

- Or anything on DanandPhilGames

- When he’s depressed, he watches music videos from Thomas’s favorite bands when he was a teenager

- For that sweet sweet nostalgia

- Clips from The SpongeBob musical cheer him up as well

Roman:

- Watches broadway performances

- His recommended is filled with small artists who sing covers

- Seeing people following their dreams makes him so happy

- But when he’s feeling regret about the wedding, he actively avoids them

- Sometimes falls down an art rabbit hole because it's SO PRETTY

- He doesn’t understand why Virgil likes the SFX makeup videos, when the beauty guru’s videos are drama filled and “have pretty makeup”

- As we know, he likes epic fail videos

- When he’s having a bad day, he will watch those for HOURS

- Really likes the commentary videos about 90 Day Fiance

- Does not watch the show outside of those, but absolutely LOVES to watch those

- Or maybe he does watch it, you decide ;)

Janus:

- You KNOW he is subscribed to every single drama channel out there

- When he gets a notification from one of them, he stops whatever he is doing and goes to watch it

- All for the tea

- Okay this may sound a bit off for him, but he cannot stop watching YouTubers who dress like they’re from a different time

- Rachel Maksy, Karolina Zebrowska, etc

- He loves him some chaotic queens

- And he gets to learn new things

- Not only about history and fashion, but about sewing

- This man made his capelet and that is not up for debate, I’m sorry

Remus:

- Watches pimple popping videos

- And cystic surgeries, apparently

- Virgil got him into SFX makeup, so he enjoys watching those videos when he needs something a bit tamer

- JermBot is his FAVORITE BITCH

- His chaotic energy is *chef’s kiss* in his opinion

- Watches old clips of Evil Knievel to see if he can attempt the tricks

- Starts fights with people in comment sections for funzies

- Also watches Buzzfeed Unsolved

- Because why the fuck not

- Okay this next one is kinda angsty but here we go

- He and Roman used to watch Simply Nailogical together so they could do art on each other’s nails

- The art that Roman did was a mirror image of Cristine’s, and Remus’s was, well.. You know-

- Remus-y

- HOWEVER - that does not mean that his nail art wasn’t good, because you know damn well that it was

- So when he’s having a really bad day, he watches her channel

[petalfearrising]

Spooktacular 3: A Spooktacular on Elm Street

(If folks like this one, I’ll backtrack and recount the prior two. :3)

Since 2020, my partner and I have spent October binging our way through a horror (or horror-adjacent) movie franchise as a way to celebrate the spoopy month and to watch the evolution of film through the lens of a long-running series. On the off chance that the films would get boring (the first Spooktacular was the Friday the 13th’s ten movies), we had self-made bingo cards to determine who would pick the next franchise and also ranked the films based on our personal tastes and how fun they were to watch.

This year, we watched the Nightmare on Elm Street, and it was surprisingly good! If you just want to know if Freddy Krueger was as kooky a slasher as one could imagine, Eli and I wholeheartedly recommend the series. As for how they match up with one another, let’s get into the power rankings (and no major spoilers ahead)!

The Biggest Loser: Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991)

There’s a reason why this one isn’t the last in the franchise, no matter how hard the title (and the movie) try to sell just how very very very dead Freddy is. This was not only the first film to tick our “The Fourth Wall is Broken” box on our bingo cards, but it also sorely lacked the fun practical effects and the creeping tension of the prior films. While Freddy isn’t exactly a serious fellow, The Final Nightmare ratchets his antics to Looney Tunes levels of bonkers that could be hilarious if it wasn’t so… childish? I’ll get into that last note in a second, but first, the rest of the list.

The Potential: Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge (1985)

This one’s pretty famous for being exceptionally queer coded, and yeah. It a little gay. Granted, it can’t do much because it was made in 1985 and the USA was so homophobic that Mark Patton (who plays the lead here) was typecasted into playing gay roles but not allowed to tell folks he was actually gay. But his performance as the first male “scream queen” is actually quite nice. Out of all the films, I wouldn’t mind this one being remade with all that subtext becoming text.

The Redo: Wes Craven’s New Nightmare (1994)

So remember what I said about The Final Nightmare being childish? Well, that’s actually THE plot of New Nightmare: Freddy became so laughable as a villain that he had to reboot his own franchise with a new look and significantly fewer one-liners. While Craven’s Scream (1996) would be well known for its meta commentary on the slasher film, New Nightmare actually introduces this thread of meta-humor and runs with it, bending the real and imagined lives of its cast into a delightful and far-more-deserved capstone for the franchise.

The Unexpected: Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master (1988)

The Dream Master shouldn’t work as well as it does. It introduces a small cast that dies off way too quickly, goes through a few convoluted hoops to explain why it exists, and Deux Ex Machinas an ending that I still can’t believe they went with. Yet. Alice is a great protagonist who gets legit character growth throughout the film, it features some lovingly crafted practical effects, and her showdown with Freddy is *chef’s kiss*. And while it does get goofy, it’s done with this Freddy’s-Tongue-in-Cheek that makes you feel like everyone was having a good time while telling a compelling story.

The Original: A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

See, here’s the thing. We really liked the first film. But the difference between the original and the later films is stark. This is a moody, tense piece that constantly has you shouting along with Nancy: “Don’t fall asleep!” Its practical effects were wildly effective for its time, everyone is acting their hearts out, and although Freddy shows a wee bit of his soon-to-be-iconic brand of Goosebumps-esque horror, he’s a downright frightening antagonist. Well worth a watch!

The Contender: Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (1987)

HOLY SHIT this was unexpectedly good. Practical effects? Awesome. Cast? Glorious. Pacing? Tense. Freddy? Well, this is the movie that really solidified his characterization as “Guy who kills you with incredibly inventive traps right after hitting you with a hilarious one-liner,” and it sells it. It’s also one of the few films that deals with the fallout of past entries, following a certified-doctor Nancy trying to make amends with her father’s refusal to accept his part in all this while struggling to protect the last of the Elm Street kids from Freddy. Is good! But then we watched…

The Winner: Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child (1989)

What if Freddy was Rosemary’s Child? I wholeheartedly believe that to be the elevator pitch for this film, but goddamn it ran with that idea. The whole cast is wonderful, with Alice reprising her role while still showcasing her growth from The Dream Master. Kruger’s nightmares are deliciously macabre, playing with our viewing experience as well as his victims’ psyches. There’s even a hilarious nod to Dream Warriors that had Eli and I rolling in our seats! And the practical effects were gorgeously (gore-geiously?) crafted. I wouldn’t say that this would be the Single Movie To Watch in the series as it does play off of the franchise’s story and lore in a way that would be a bit much to grasp. But if you don’t care too much about following the plot, The Dream Child is the quintessential film for Freddy.

Final Thoughts

The Nightmare series was a filmic delight, showcasing a wide range of practical effects while also demonstrating how special effects would develop over its 10 year run. Robert Englund is a joy to watch as Freddy Krueger and was clearly having the time of his life playing as The Nightmare, which is not something one can say for every actor playing the same character over such a long time. While I don’t think Eli or I will be watching the series any time soon, I’d love to see how folks take to it if its their first watch through.

As Eli won our bingo game, our next Spooktacular will be far goofier, as we’ll be watching a selection of the Scooby-Doo movies (namely the ones from the 90s, like Zombie Island and The Witch’s Ghost). See you next year!

[introvertguide]

Bringing Up Baby (1938); AFI #88

The current film on the AFI list is touted as the most screwball of all screwball comedies: Bringing Up Baby, (1938). It is a film that was adapted for the screen with the great Katharine Hepburn in mind. According to the writers, it fit her personality and sense of humor well and, with the addition of a lovable Cary Grant, was the perfect comedy vehicle. And audiences at the time hated it. It was a total flop during its initial box office run, director Howard Hawkes was fired from the studio, and Katharine Hepburn was labeled box office poison to the point that she had to buy out her contract because the studio would not give her any more work. Now the film is celebrated as favored comedy from the old Hollywood era. AFI listed it as the #88 greatest American film and the #14 best comedy film. So is this movie any good? Audiences in different eras disagree so I wanted to find out for myself. First I want to do the usual review of the plot (although this is a screwball comedy and it isn’t intended to make any sense) so let’s get the bold warnings out of the way...

SPOILER ALERT!!! THERE REALLY ISN’T A LOT TO SPOIL IN A SCREWBALL COMEDY BUT I DON’T WANT TO GET YELLED AT!!! PER USUAL, YOU SHOULD JUDGE A MOVIE FOR YOURSELF SO CHECK THE FILM OUT BEFORE READING FURTHER!! Alright, moving on...

The film begins with a bumbling paleontologist named David Huxley (Cary Grant). He is a man consumed by his work, yet he is somehow engaged to be married to a woman that is seemingly obsessed with taking second fiddle to his job. For the past four years, he has been trying to assemble the skeleton of a Brontosaurus but is missing one bone: the "intercostal clavicle". He is also tasked with impressing a potential patron named  Elizabeth Random (May Robson), who is considering a million-dollar donation to his museum.

The day before his wedding, David meets Susan Vance (Katharine Hepburn) while attempting to solicit donations from the lawyer of Ms. Random. Susan callously plays the wrong ball which distracts David from attending to his potential patron and then she stubbornly wrecks David’s car while she tries to get to her own vehicle. Later that night, she distracts David again while he attempts to have a drink with the man from the golf course and the encounter ends up with both characters tending to ripped clothes in public. Susan seems to like to cause trouble and believes that her traits are fun. These qualities soon embroil David in several frustrating incidents.

The next day, Susan's brother Mark has sent her a tame leopard named Baby from Brazil. Its tameness is helped by hearing "I Can't Give You Anything But Love". Susan ignorantly thinks David is a zoologist and manipulates him into thinking she is being attacked by the animal. He does not call the police but goes to Susan and she bullies him into joining her in moving the leopard to her country home. Complications arise when Susan falls in love with him and tries to keep him at her house as long as possible, even hiding his clothes, to prevent his imminent marriage.

David's prized intercostal clavicle is delivered, but Susan's aunt's dog George takes it and buries it somewhere. When Susan's aunt arrives, she discovers David in a negligee. To David's dismay, she turns out to be potential donor Elizabeth Random. A second message from Mark makes clear the leopard is for Elizabeth, as she always wanted one. Baby and George run off. The zoo is called to help capture Baby. Susan and David race to find Baby before the zoo and, mistaking a dangerous leopard from a nearby circus for Baby, let it out of its cage. 

David and Susan are jailed by a befuddled town policeman, Constable Slocum (Walter Catlett), for acting strangely at the house of Dr. Fritz Lehman (Fritz Feld), where they had cornered the circus leopard. When Slocum does not believe their story, Susan decides the best cover would be to tell the police that they are members of gang. This distracts the police long enough to allow her to escape to go and find Baby to prove she and David are innocent. The potential patron Ms. Random comes to the jail to free Susan and is embroiled in the plot when she talks about her leopard and is locked up. Eventually, the lawyer/golf partner  shows up to verify everyone's identity. Susan thinks she found the correct leopard but unwittingly drags the highly irritated circus leopard into the jail. David saves her, using a chair to shoo the big cat into a cell.

Some time later, Susan finds David working on his dinosaur skeleton alone. He was dumped by his fiancée because of Susan and he is now single. He did not get the donation but finds that Random gave the money to Susan and now Susan wants to donate the money to the museum. David confesses that his time with Susan was the best time he has ever had and that he loves her. At this point, Susan inadvertently destroys the dinosaur that David has worked on for 4 years because she won’t listen to David’s warnings. He gives up and kisses Susan, resigned to the life that will come with loving this woman. The end.

After watching this film, I did some research and I can see why Hepburn was labeled box office poison following this movie. She apparently ruined many of the takes for this film which cost a lot of money. What is more, the director and the lead actors had overtime clauses in their contracts so everyone was paid about double what was initially agreed upon because of the actors fooling around. The film might have broken even or perhaps had a modest gain, but Hepburn caused extra costs to the production to the point of major financial loss. This was a point of lean times in America, so an actor that commanded hefty pay, caused expensive delays, and did not draw in a big audience was poison to a studio. She obviously went on to do great things for film and this work was eventually embraced by audiences, but Katharine Hepburn needed to be humbled and the reaction to this movie did just that. 

I was surprised that there was a real leopard (tame of course, but still) on set with the actors. There were some shots in which the actors were filmed separately from the animal and everything was overlaid, but there were many scenes with the actors directly interacting with the leopard. Most famously, Hepburn’s character was talking on the phone while the leopard walked around her legs and the animal started to get rough with her feet. If you watch Hepburn’s face closely, she is not smiling but has darting eyes watching closely over the big cat. Apparently, the leopard lunged at Hepburn at first meeting and she did not really like the animal.

So let me get to the point of my personal feelings about the movie. I have watched it twice for this review: once straight forward and once with commentary by Peter Bogdanovich. I have looked at the reviews as well. It didn’t help. I and both my parents hated this movie. We have watched 41 movies on the AFI top 100 so far and this has been unanimously our least favorite. We do not like screwball comedies and this is famously “the most screwball of all screwball comedies.” I will not say that this film is bad because it obviously has a ton of fans, but I subjectively hated it. Let me explain before I get the hate mail.

Susan Vance is my kryptonite. She is a bullying socialite that does not care about anyone but herself and only does what she wants. She is manipulative towards a guy that just wants to build his dinosaur, and she wrecks his relationship, affects his job, ruins his car, endangers his life, and destroys his work. For some reason, in the movie world he falls in love with her for it. Susan Vance is the kind of person that has affected people negatively since forever. I guess it is funny because it is relatable? “Yeah, I have had my life ruined by human bulldozers like that. Wouldn’t it be funny if that person took a personal interest in plaguing me at every turn?” I am an introverted nerd and I have been harassed by the Susan Vances of the world. I don’t find them funny and actively avoid people like Susan Vance. I don’t want to see them in my movies, especially as the hero/love interest.

What hurt me was that Katharine Hepburn was apparently like this in her behavior at the time. She would talk off camera during filming and ruin takes. She would ad lib lines that she thought were funny and goof around with Cary Grant costing the studio hundreds of thousands and lots of lost time. It sounds like she was simply oblivious to the efforts of others. Her behavior as an actress and the character in the movie should not be rewarded. In film world, this bull in a china shop still gets her man. In the real world where a nation is recovering from a devastating financial crisis and facing a possible world war, nobody wants to see that garbage. As was appropriate, everybody got fired and the audience did not want to shell over their money. I am glad the film flopped and say it was deservedly so.

OK. I got that off my chest so let me now set aside my personal bias and answer the standard questions more objectively. Does this film belong on the AFI 100? Yes. It is maybe the best example of the screwball comedy of the 30s and, according to the Bogdanovich commentary, is a great example of the quick pace dialogue with double meaning that defined the time. I also think it is good to remember what happens when actors completely disregard their employers and their audience. Even the great Katharine Hepburn had to make a comeback when her audience turned on her. The placement of the film very low on the list seems appropriate to me as well. So then...would I recommend it? Subjectively, heck no. I found the movie frustrating to the point of being angry. Objectively, yes. A lot of people find whacky antics funny and any fan of shows like The Honeymooners or I Love Lucy and movies with The Three Stooges or The Marx Bros would likely enjoy this film. It has a 90% audience rating on Rotten Tomatoes and Roger Ebert called it one of the 102 movies to see before you die since it is a perfect example of the genre. It seems like a movie most people would enjoy. Let me back pedal slightly and note that I have full respect for people who enjoy the film and I am glad cinema brings you some laughs. However, I hate the film with a passion and never plan on watching it again.

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Michael in the Mainstream: The Nostalgia Critic

I have been a fan of the Nostalgia Critic for years now. That’s a rather controversial stance to take nowdays, especially in light of recent controversies; first was the big #ChangeTheChannel movement which had the entire site sans Brad Jones performing a mass exodus elsewhere with some even going so far as to brutally cut ties with Doug for his and managements failings (with Alison Pregler, AKA Obscurus Lupa offering some especially harsh words). Then was this year’s review of The Wall, where he utilized his divisive clipless style and his complete lack of a good singing voice to create what is hands down one of the worst videos – not even just review, VIDEOS – on YouTube. But even with those two things aside, I do think there is some value to the work of Doug Walker. He became popular for a reason, right? So what is that reason? Where did he go wrong?

Doug Walker began doing his Nostalgia Critic schtick in the wake of James Rolfe’s Angry Video Game Nerd becoming an internet icon, and he quickly became one of the bigger faces in the wake of imitators Rolfe spawned. The conceit of his show is rather simple – he reviews nostalgic movies, mostly stuff from the 80s or 90s, with occasional forays into the 2000s – all while parodying the typical internet film critic much as Rolfe parodied the typical nerd gamer. The Critic, you see, is not necessarily Doug, but instead a hyperactive psychotic manchild version of himself who screeches, shoots, and curses up a storm while reviewing movies. It wasn’t too different from other review shows at the time, really, but Doug had a sort of corny charm that really worked.

As time went on, production values slowly increased, Doug’s humor sharpened, and eventually actual thoughtful film analysis crept in, especially in the post-reboot episodes. In fact, that is something I generally like about Doug’s work, and why I even bother with him still: the man clearly has an understanding of film theory, he knows what he’s talking about, and when he takes the time to sit down and actually talk about movies he’s actually pretty insightful. I think of his reviews of stuff like Ghostbusters 2,where he actually gave a genuinely great alternate plotline for the film that would have better utilized the concepts and characters, or any of his numerous video essays on film issues like whitewashing. When it’s Doug just sitting down and talking about a film while cracking jokes here and there, it tends to be really good.

However, Doug has increasingly wanted to add some spice to his reviews in the forms of skits. And it’s not like there never were bits in his reviews back in the day, but post-revival He ramped up the amount of skits, utilizing a cast of friends, with the current mainstays being Malcolm Ray and Tamara Chambers. I do sort of like the weird cast of characters the show has amassed, and I think they really help give the show an identity to set it apart from other review shows. Malcolm and Tamara are honestly, genuinely funny and enjoyable, though the writing doesn’t always play to their skills and can sometimes be a bit obnoxious. I think I’d have to say Malcolm is probably my favorite of the bunch, as he has the wackiest roster of amusing characters, with roles such as Satan, Black Willy Wonka, and good ol’ Bill. And some of his best reviews have crazy skits. His Moulin Rouge review is a standout example; even if I don’t agree with his opinions, he manages to make the musical interludes fun, funny, and actually filled with some sort of commentary relating to the film.

I think the real issues with the skits is they sometimes bog down the reviews or go on for a bit too long.  Some of them also just plain aren’t funny at all, or they use really bottom of the barrel cringeworthy comedy that the Critic himself has criticized in his reviews. Of course, the pinnacle of these problems are his clipless reviews, which are basically just Doug and pals reenacting whatever movie he’s reviewing. On paper, this seems like a fun and amusing idea, but the execution is often extremely poor. See, the thing about the Nostalgia Critic is that you’re ostensibly going to him to see criticism and see if something is worth watching; the thing with his clipless reviews is that they require intimate familiarity with the source material for you to even get half of the jokes he’s making, which kind of defeats the point. This is one of the reasons his review of The Wall is so terrible; he’s taking a film that is incomprehensible and surreal and parodying it without explaining the context, so anyone unfamiliar with the movie will be lost.

And even if you are familiar, a lot of the parody can come off as mean-spirited or even filled with blatant lies. Doug has a tendency to overexaggerate and be hyperbolic when he’s in-character, so if he finds a serious flaw in the movie he’ll blow it up in his parody. His reviews of the It films really showcase this, as he sort of nitpicks things that really aren’t as big a deal as he makes them out to be, which has the unfortunate side effect of making his legitimate criticisms look a bit weaker. In fact, a lot of the time Doug comes off as genuinely hypocritical, mocking tropes and tools he himself frequently utilizes in his own reviews. It’s so weird, because despite all this as well as the cheap special effects and production values that Doug is clearly putting a lot of effort into acting out all these wacky parodies, but he just can’t act and criticize at the same time. At the very least, his clipless reviews lend themselves well to unintentionally hilarious, so bad it’s good territory.

I think a lot of why the clipless reviews and skits don’t work is because of Doug’s lingering resentment over the failure of Demo Reel, which was him trying to branch out after he retired the Critic. Of course had to fall back on the Critic; Demo Reel was not very popular, and people just wanted more of what Made Doug famous. I do like that he did try stuff to spice his show up to make it enjoyable for him again, but it’s still hard not to get the sense that Doug is still bitterly lashing out with his skits at the people who wouldn’t accept him branching out into attempts at legitimate acting. As such, they just feel like empty, over the top garbage that Doug is pushing out because he really wants to act, but he feels like he can’t because what people want is more Critic.

I guess in general it doesn’t help that Doug is just not a great actor. Just look at his performances in the anniversary movies, which horribly clash with the whiny manchild the Critic is portrayed as in the main show, orr even during some of the commercial skits he does, where he tends to overact or just get too childish and hammy. It’s so obvious to me that Doug really wants to be a legitimate actor but he just doesn’t seem to have the aptitude for it. He’s a lot better at comedy and criticism than he is at acting. Of course, that’s not to say he’s incapable of doing anything good; his review of that 3D Nutcracker movie, and in fact a lot of his more modern Christmas-related reviews, have some genuinely touching and heartfelt moments, and when Doug is staying true to the goofy, idiotic character of the Critic he can be really fun.

The Nostalgia Critic is not really a show I think I can recommend to most people. Hell, sometimes I feel like I only watch it because of, ahem, nostalgia. I definitely don’t think the show is void of good content, but when Doug drops something like The Wall, it makes me wonder… Still, I like to stick around, because when Doug hits it, he hits it out of the park. The problem is when he fails, he tends to fail in the most epic manner possible. He’s like that one bat in EarthBound which is super powerful but misses a lot, but when it hits, your opponent is pretty sure to get knocked out. I think a lot of Doug’s failings are carried by his supporting cast, and the flaws in his writing are only easy to swallow because of the genuine insights he offers. There’s just a lot to take into consideration when it comes to the Critic, it’s really hard to say if he’s good or bad. He just… is.

I definitely think some of what Doug does is bad and cringeworthy (I really can’t defend those sketches in the Deadpool 2 review or those awful Kermit puppets), but I think beneath the cringiness, beneath the overdone acting, and beneath the flaws, there are some good insights to be found about films and why they do and don’t work. I of course don’t agree with everything Doug says, but there is still genuine thought and effort. I don’t really know if I can say he’s worth going out of your way to watch, but popping in now and then to check out what Doug has to say isn’t a bad thing. I kind of wish he would go back to doing those video essays again, because I think that was some of his best work, or maybe stick to only reviewing stuff that he has some sort of genuine connection with. When he is really passionate about something, it really shows, because he puts care and effort into the analysis and is able to tell some genuinely good jokes in between snarking at the film. When he just doesn’t care… you get The Wall review. Yeah, that’s pretty much my go-to for awful Doug reviews, becauseit is emblematic of every single problem that has come to plague his worst efforts: lack of care, bad writing, crappy production values, overdone and overacted skits, manipulative editing, and zero insight into the film.

Still, as cringeworthy as he can get these days… I’ll take this version of Doug over the Bat Credit Card/Chuck Norris/Burger King “elephant”/forced meme version of Doug from his early days.

I’m Michael Ford. I remember the Nostalgia Critic so you don’t have to.

[platonicvisionimagines]

The reader and Wanda are having a sleepover and they invite Vision.

Listen, this is a scenario I wish I could actually experience, and I’m so grateful to you for thinking it up, Darling Anon. Thank you for your patience!

You’re friendly with all the Avengers

It’s an important part of being a member of the team

But being close to Vision meant that you were bound to get close to Wanda

The two of you always enjoyed talking and watching movies together and often gave each other music recommendations

You shopped together at least once a month and were constantly swapping recipes

After a few months of bonding, she had started to tell you stories of Sokovia, of Pietro and her parents

She always appreciated that you never pried beyond what she was willing to say out loud at any given moment and was grateful that she could cry in front of you if she got overwhelmed by the memories

You were honored that she trusted you enough to share such a vulnerable side of herself with you

One day while she’s telling you a funny story about her brother over lunch, she mentions one of her favorite childhood movies and pauses, struck by a sudden realization

“Wanda, you okay?”

“You would love that movie! Things were so unstable in Sokovia when Piet and I were growing up, there weren’t a lot of new films being made. Most of the ones we loved were ones our parents saw when they were young. They weren’t exactly kid-friendly, but they were what we had. Thinking about them now, they’re very predictable, but with the commentary you like to give, you’d have a great time watching every single one.”

“I’d love to watch them with you, Wanda. You think Miss F.R.I.D.A.Y. can pull them up?”

F.R.I.D.A.Y. assures you she can

And you and Wanda decide to make a whole night of it—your mattress in her room, pizza, a Sokovian dessert that she used to make with her dad, and of course, your world-famous chocolate chip cookies

All to the sights and sounds of favorite childhood movies, courtesy of your favorite disembodied AI

You look forward to it for the rest of the week

That Saturday when the two of you get together to start the festivities

You have the same realization at the same time

You voice it first because you know Wanda’s more likely to be shy about it since she never wants you to feel like a third wheel

But she and Vision are always really careful not to be “couple-centric” when you’re with them, so you have no issue bringing it up

“Hey, Wanda. It’s totally cool if you want it to just be the two of us…but you know it’s also totally fine with me if you want to invite Viz.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’d literally love for him to join us. Here—I’ll order the pizza, you go find our favorite synthezoid.”

A few minutes later, you’re finishing up on the phone as Wanda walks in with Vision

When you hang up, he gives you a tentative smile

“I truly don’t want to intrude if you intended to spend the night solely with Wanda.”

“Clearly, you’ve never done a sleepover before, Viz. The golden rule is the more best friends, the merrier.”

And so, the three of you start off your adventure by jumping into the kitchen to bake the cobbler Wanda’s dad taught her to make on the days when Pietro went to the market with their mom

“Pietro would always make the cream with the milk they had just gotten. He was always better at that part than I was. But we would all eat together on the back balcony. The sunsets in Sokovia weren’t usually very pretty, but we never minded much.”

You and Vision complete every instruction under her watchful eye, clarifying each step because you’re highkey terrified you’re going to ruin her favorite dessert

Thankfully, you don’t

Just before you finish, F.R.I.D.A.Y. alerts you that the pizzas have arrived and you answer the door, always loving the expressions of unsuspecting pizza delivery workers when they realize that they’re pulling up to the New Avengers Facility

When you finally settle in, the first round of food at the ready, the opening movie is one of Wanda’s choosing, a film about a group of art thieves and forgers

Following that, you pull up “The Incredibles”

You don’t think about it ahead of time, but when they mention the Superhero Relocation Program, it smacks of the Accords and you quickly pause the film, looking over at Wanda

But she waves off your concern without a word, insistent that you start the movie again

She wears a fond smile every time Dash is on-screen

Another parallel you hadn’t considered

And laughs really hard every time he does something silly, telling you and Vision that Pietro was the same way growing up, even before he got his speed

The “no capes” part?

Vision is gone

You watch one more Sokovian movie after that before baking cookies and breaking out one of the other pizzas

By the time the marathon part of the night is over, Wanda has managed to teach you and Viz some basic Sokovian

Viz, of course, picks it up without issue

But Wanda is actually very impressed with how well you do for your first time

Every time one of the movies used one of your newly learned vocab words, you yelled it triumphantly, which Wanda and Vision both found hilarious

The three of you build a fort in the middle of Wanda’s floor and settle into casual conversation, laughing often and giving one another silly dares

You and Vision definitely get into a friendly argument about who can do a better job braiding Wanda’s hair and have to declare a contest to provide a true answer

Wanda awards you first place before kissing her boyfriend’s cheek briefly to break his playful pout

The night lasts to the near-morning hours when you and Wanda finally fall asleep while listening to her Spotify playlist

Vision quietly leaves the two of you to sleep, making sure both of you are covered by blankets with pillows under your heads

When the two of you wake up just past the threshold where morning transforms into afternoon, you head downstairs and are greeted by three place settings and an array of brunch foods (including the last of your pizza), Vision washing dishes at the sink

When you and Wanda ask what’s going on, he dries his hands before explaining that it’s his way of thanking you both for including him in a very fun night that helped him feel even closer to his two favorite people

You’re touched by his efforts, both of you thanking him in Sokovian

But you wouldn’t be a best friend if you let him off easy

“Did you get Steve or Bucky to make the French toast?”

“You’ve both seen me practicing my cooking. Is it so unlikely that I could have improved enough to put this together?”

“You’re right, I have seen you practice, and that’s how I know your bread doesn’t get this golden. So which of the vets was in the mood for breakfast this morning?”

“…”

“…”

“Sergeant Barnes insisted.”

“Yeah, I’m sure he did.”

May all your sleepovers be filled with food, fun, and French toast! Thank you again for your patience with this request, my dear–I know you sent it a while ago!

[fightevilandthengetblownup]

Chat: Jo + Gray romcoms

(for lexy)

Jo> She likes pointless fluff movies. I’m being told I have to watch Friends With Benefits next after I finish the last 20 mins of the first half of this series

Jo> :l

Jo> *actually doesnt mind that movie just finds it hysterical Jo does*

Grey> Is Friends with Benefits the one with Mila Kunis?

Jo> Yep

Grey> Who’s the male lead in that?

Jo> Justin Timberlake

Grey> Ah

Jo> It’s kind of hilarious that Jo likes that movie

Grey> Because of how she is about relationships?

Jo> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7_CVAI_twO0 and then http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XA6M-V4oHso first 20 seconds just… kind of amazingly hilarious.

Jo> She’s somewhere between or actually boh main characters at once

Jo> (Also the Train in the background of the first cracks me up)

Grey> TRAIN IN THE BACKGROUND LOL

Jo> Yeeeep

Grey> You linked me the sex scene? LOL *signs in*

Jo> Its the end of the crappy romcom movie that the girl wanted to watch and the guy spent the entire time paying out.

Jo> LOL

Jo> Yes

Jo> Because

Jo> First 20 seconds is magic

Jo> …hell the entire thing is magic

Jo> And hilariously like if Jo were a guy and a girl at the same time

Jo> honest to god

Grey> “I sneeze sometimes after I come” *drink everywhere*

Jo> Wait for it

Grey> HES SINGING

Jo> LOL

Grey> “WHOA TOO FAR”

Jo> “When women start to scream it can me misconstrued”

Grey> *dead*

Grey> So much for just once

Jo> LOL Yeeeep.

Jo> Can you see kind of where I get my amusement from?

Grey> Yep

Jo> “Grab my hair.” “Kiss my neck”

Grey> *dies at butt part*

Jo> *nodnod*

Grey> Oh my god

Grey> Oh man mom walking in at the end

Jo> Lol yep

Jo> I find so much fucking amusement from that movie and the fact it’s number 3 on Jo’s fave ‘romcom’s

Grey> What are the first two?

Jo> Pretty Woman and Miss Congeniality

Grey> Awwwww Miss Congeniality. "So her top favorites are about a hooker finding a sugar daddy, a tomboy becoming a barbie doll and two friends fucking?“ Gray that’s not… no.

Jo> "Got a problem with that?” Gray. Darling. No… …though he has a point but no…

Grey> “Other than your taste in movies is shit. No.” He’s got the air of implying about him.

Jo> “…I’m just glad it was top three then, I’m sure you’d find the next two just as shit…” Jo is well aware the implication and I am snickering my head off

Grey> “And what are those, Legally Blonde and The House Bunny?” *pets her*

Jo> “…no. Clueless and a tie between 500 Days of Summer and Runaway Bride….

Jo> ” She knows how bad those are, but theyre better than Legally Blonde and House Bunny at least. (What’s Your Number, Stardust, Legally Blonde, You’ve Got Mail and Sleepless In Seattle round out the top ten though)

Grey> “*snickering*” Yeah. The House Bunny is shit but Legally Blonde isn’t bad imo. It’s got Matt Davis in it for one so…

Jo> “…oh go ahead. Say it.” Lol yeah House Bunny is. Legally Blonde’s pretty alright - the second is dreadful though.

Grey> “Say what that you have horrible picks and clearly just want some guy to swoop in a rescue you?” Second one doesnt exist in my mind. Because I like the first one too much to admit it.

Jo> “You just don’t like romantic comedies and most of those involve free thinking, independent women who can survive all on their own without a man…sorta.” LOL I cried my way through it. In pain.

Grey> “Except they all end up with a guy and the whole plot of them is either "fucks a dude and keeps fucking him” or “discovers she’s ladylike after all”.“ I saw it on tv once, attempted to watch then switched the channel 5 minutes in because it was hurting

Jo> "Pretty Woman is about how you aren’t just your job - that there is more to a person than just that; Miss Congeniality is about doing the right thing, and that everyone can be more than what their intial appearance might suggest; FoB is about how… sometimes worrying about the labels of things can ruin something that’s working and that …getting over that shit’s for the best…” It’s dreadful..

Grey> “Uh huh.” Yeah I dont know what charm the first one has that the second one is missing but you can definitely tell it’s missing it. Same with Miss Congeniality, first movie is cute second movie makes you want to tear out your eyes

Jo> (Oh god, I just realised the girl in Friends with Benefits at the start is going to go see Pretty Woman at the cinema as some romcom weeklong thing and her then bf dumps her out front and she’s already missed the boots)

Grey> *DEAD*

Jo> “…shut up, alright. God, a girl is allowed to like pointless fluff sometimes!” LOL So so true. The same goes for Bring It On. *crying at this movie again now*

Jo> (“You know I love this movie! If a prostitute and a ruthless businessman who fall in love, then anyone can. *wistful sigh/tone*” *dying*)

Grey> “I would think you get enough of that with the runt.” Oh my god that’s hilarious

Jo> “…I think your brother knows better than to..freak me out with that sort of thing. Reality, fiction, don’t cross the streams..much.” I know. I forgot it and now Im dead.

Grey> “So he’s not constantly trying to bring you flowers or jewelry or anyt of that other crap? I’m surprised he has so much restraint.” No wonder Jo likes the movie

Jo> “No, he’s not. Seems you don’t know him quite as well as you think…” Oh yeah. … http://youtu.be/GvBNVJjhj4Q?t=11s Just… start o the film is pretty much this. And yep. It totally does.

Grey> “Or he doesn’t like you as much as he says he does.” I feel bad for Justin’s character cause that bitch crazy

Grey> “Next time just shit on my face cause that’s the same thing” no it isnt lady

Jo> Wait for the explanation of Mila’s character

Grey> WOW Andy’s a dick

Jo> LOL Yuuuuup

Grey> *spit take at Justin*

Jo> Just wait

Jo> It gets more

Grey> *DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD*

Jo> “Or maybe he likes me as much as he says he does and doesn’t want me to feel uncomfortable or pressured and is making sure I’m okay with things.” I KNOW RIGHT?! AND THATS JUST THE FIRST THREE MINUTES OF THE MOVIE

Grey> “If he liked you as much as he said, he’d get you flowers. Because that’s what Grey does, flowers and chocolate and bubble baths with candles and rose petals and all the other lame shit because that’s what he does, he does the lame "romantic” crap and he likes doing that. So he either doesnt actually care that much or he’s completely terrified of you and is too scared to even approach the matter"

Grey> That’s hilarious

Grey> Especially Justin’s just completely lunatic of the girlfriend. Like Mina’s guy was just lazy and a jerk but Justin’s girl was fucking monkeynuts crazy

Jo> “He would not - he might want to, but right now? He wouldn’t. I prefer non-materialistic things anyway so…” I know. She’s amazing. She keeps calling too. I seriously recommend it if you have a few hours to spare or fill or are bored sometime because that movie is just great. Better than No Strings (the Portman/Kutcher one)

Grey> “If he wouldnt its because you’re scaring him. But hey if you’re cool with him being too scared to say what he wants then….” It does look a lot funnier than Natalie’s

Jo> “I am not /scaring/ him. He knows he can say whatever he likes to me or bring up stuff…. …” It is. I’ve seen both several times, Friends With is much better. The original Coke to Nat’s new.

Grey> “Sure he does. That’s why he didn’t tell you he loved you for the longest time. Because he’s totally not afraid to talk to you.” I feel like I should just watch both then Black Swan to mindfuck myself but I can’t right now lol

Jo> “He does, and… that’s none of your business, and it wasn’t 'the longest time’, was barely three months after..” LOL Oh god that would be dreadful.

Grey> “Uh huh. And he hasnt really said it again has he?” Yep it would

Jo> “He has too. …a few times.” Brainfuck indeed.

Grey> “And I bet you know exactly how many because it doesnt happen a lot.” Completely

Jo> “…your point being? People don’t have to say they love one another all the time, I’m sure you could count on one hand the number of times you’ve said it.”

Grey> “Because I’m a arrogant asshole monster who doesn’t really give two shits to get emotional about things. Does that sound like Grey to you?”

Jo> “…no. Sounds a little like me though, so instead - how often has Anna said it to you, huh? Just because he doesn’t say it often doesn’t mean he doesn’t know he can ask about things or talk about stuff.”

Grey> “More than five times less than twenty. He’s stupid though, how would you know he knew he could ask if he doesnt feel like he could say it? Doesnt matter now I guess with that collar on you he’ll be too freaked out to do much of anything”

Jo> “..Oh. ….Because he knows me? Because neither of us is going to judge or fly off the handle? Because I haven’t gone running yet? ….shut up, fuck you.”

Grey> “If he knows you he knows that your terrified of getting attached and won’t bring it up for fear of driving you away. I’m just stating facts.”

Jo> “Otherwise known as caring and respecting a loved ones boundaries. And you say that like we’re not attached, because we are, so shove off. …you’re being a dick with the truth.”

Grey> “Otherwise known as being spineless. Wait until he wants to get married then see how attached you are. Better than just being a dick right?”

Jo> “There’s a difference - one is being respectful, the other has no basis other than fear for it. …. ………. Let’s not talk about that, ever, again. Oh shut up..”

Grey> “So how do you know he’s doing it out of respect instead of fear? Just wait.”

Jo> “Because, I just do. …And I said again…”

Grey> “Uh huh. You’re going to run when you see that little box.”

Jo> “…. ….I’m not going to run..” Mental commentary: “I’m going to politely say I need time to think, excuse myself and go hide under the covers. The fastest will be a brisk walk. Yes. No running. It’d be fine.”

Grey> “Yes you are. Watching him bend his knee and go into his pocket for it is just going to scare you so badly you’re going to take off running like a scared deer.” Awwww poor Jo

Jo> “No. I’m… I have more restraint than that even if that /isn’t/ my response.” Think she’d feel bad for it but..unless she suggests it she’ll probably freak.

Grey> “You’re right, cause he’s probably going to do it in public. You wouldnt want to make a scene. All those eyes on you expecting to say yes especially his when he looks so happy and expectant.” He wouldnt ask. I mean like… probably never unless they actually had a kid. Because he knows it wouldnt work

Jo> ( http://youtu.be/VIirTZQWJBg?t=30s *crying* Guess Jo has a penis where her vaginas supposed to be)

Grey> (SO DEAD. Oh Woody Harrelson you are always hilarious)

Jo> “…shut up. How do you know the answer would be no? Or that I wouldn’t be the one askin’? Everyone’s always calling me the boy of us…” Cue gray laughing head off. And yeah, no - I’d figured he probably wouldn’t, what’s sad is a marriage would work but proposing the idea wouldnt. (IKR? He’s a gay sports writer)

Grey> “Because you don’t do commitment? You… ask him… *laughing*” *nods* He’d figure they couldnt therefore wouldnt ask unless its a kid in which case he’d feel like “this is a family now” and ask. (He’s hilarious. I lost it)

Jo> “I do sometimes. …. *tries not to laugh as well* Yeah, okay shut up..” Yep - which I think he might be able to get a yes if he didn’t say it was cause she was preg or had had a baby, mde the family comment instead. (LOL Yeeep)

Grey> “Fine. That was funny enough I’ll shut up. *still laughing*” *nods* I think his approach would be something like “I’d like for us to be a family. And I want to be officially part of that family.” Plus that way if something happens to Jo the kids stay with him. (Armpit girl? Do I even want to know…)

Jo> ( http://youtu.be/GJucbfuvh-A armpit girl)

Grey> (Oh Justin baby what is it with you and crazy broads)

Jo> “Glad you enjoyed it… *fails at holding back a giggle* Okay seriously, I’m not that bad.. or I’m not the worst, so shuddup.” Yeah, that would actually probably work. (Yeeeep)

Grey> “Not the worst? Right okay compared to like me or something.” And of course Grey would have the sense enough not to try to make a big affair of it, nor would he want to

Jo> “There are worse people out there without going straight to you, Gray.” Yep yep - big affair woul get a no.

Jo> (Oh god, I forgot the guy in this has a stutter when he was nervous)

Grey> “*indignantly* Are not. I’m the worst. End of discussion.” *slaps Gray for wanting to look like the horrible monster again* I think the closest he’d come to that was asking if she wanted her mother there or any close friends. (So dead)

Jo> “Sure thing, I just meant there were people between the two of us on the worse scale is all.” *snickers at him* lol true true. Knowing Jo she’d not want much, or until after. (Yeeep)

Grey> “Nope. You’re close enough to me there’s no one left between us.” *nods* Jesse go to bed jo harvelle gray chat complete Aug 21st, 2012

[todd--chavez]

what are your other favorite shows? (have you seen community?)

I have a problem with Community and Brooklyn 99 as a series. Their episodes in and of itself are great. They make me laugh. But when I binged them, the episodes started to blend together and I felt like I was watching the same thing over and over again because it felt so formulaic. I mean yeah 5 seasons into Brooklyn 99 I still laugh and smile but it wasn’t that enjoying to binge the show. But that might just be me. I think what the producers are doing with Community is great, I just got tired of watching it after a while.

But here’s my list of shows that I always tell people to watch (in no particular order). And yeah I essentially only watch animated films. I’m basically a kid. 

1. Bojack Horseman

I don’t need to explain it to you, you follow this blog.

2. King of the Hill

Especially with it’s animation style it’s an acquired taste. But it is definitely underrated and I think people need to give it a chance. I think there’s a huge misconception that it’s simply a conservative show because it’s about rednecks. But it’s a lot more progressive than you think. The characters may be conservative, but the show is much more liberal and acknowledges their character flaws and ideals. And some episodes, the characters develop and come to realize that their ideals are wrong and change for the better. I also love the very unique story lines they think of for the episodes, like Hank being diagnosed of having too small of a butt, or Bobby Hill unknowingly cooking meth. There are episodes that touch on gender equality, racism, sex, religion, political stance, drugs, near death experiences, prostitution, and lots more. And there are 13 seasons, there has to be a reason it lasted that long.

3. The Goode Family

The exact thing as King of the Hill(I think it’s the same producer) but instead of a conservative redneck family, it’s a family of social justice warriors. The ratings were so bad that it was discontinued after 1 season but I thought it was hilarious.

4. Moral Orel

Not for the faint hearted. I found out about this show after I finished Bojack Horseman and asked the internet what to watch if I liked Bojack Horseman. This show makes you wonder what happened to the director when he was a kid to have produced such a sad show. The word is that the show got cancelled because it was too depressing. But there’s 3 seasons and you can find them on youtube, and there’s also a prequel(You have to watch it after everything else). Each episode is 11 minutes so it’s super easy to binge. The first season is mostly just making jokes off of religion and the plot doesn’t really start until the end of season 2. I highly recommend this show to anyone who is interested in religion, or is religious or was involved in a religious community. I wouldn’t say the beginning is great commentary, but later on and the story as a whole is actually really good and even though a lot of fucked up things happen, it’s commentary on religion is very tasteful. Even though it makes fun of religion, it’s not an “atheist” show.

5. Mission Hill

I don’t know why this only has one season. You can find all the episodes on youtube. It was a very well done show with really cool animation. This show was created back in the 90′s and includes a gay couple and the community treats them regularly so I think that was very progressive for that time. Also there was an episode that talked about masturbating which is also another taboo topic. There’s actually an episode of Moral Orel about masturbating but it was in one of the episodes of season 1 that was more focused on making jabs at religion than masturbation itself. Aside from these two, the only other show I know of that talks about masturbation is Big Mouth, but I watched the first two episodes and couldn’t bear it. I’m not a fan.

6. F is for Family

Imagine if Bojack didn’t get rich, and instead worked at an airport and had a family. I loved that they showed the whole gender inequality and racism that was rampant of the 1960′s(or 70’s?) and the mom’s struggle to be more than just a mom in season two made me want to cry. Humor overall is great and the characters and their development are all very well done. I can see a little bit of myself in each of the characters of the family.

7. The Boondocks

I wouldn’t say it’s the same type of humor as Bojack Horseman but I would say if people enjoy the Bojack Horseman humor they will probably enjoy the Boondocks humor. This is one of the funnier shows that made me laugh out loud. It has a lot of commentary on racism and portrays several different type of black people and their attitude and approach to racism and prejudice. It’s also a very relevant show that used real life events the way South Park does. I love the main character and his self awareness and deep quotes.

8. Daria

If any of you are in high school, I would recommend watching this show first because it would be the most relevant. Like Mission Hill, it’s a lot older and it may take a while to get used to the animation style, but basically about a cynical angsty teen girl(like Lady Bird) and she’s really smart which I love. Also lots of deep quotes and lessons to learn from this show that I think would help anyone who’s in high school. Also the season finale with applying to colleges and graduating really hit close to home and I think was really accurate with the whole college admissions and seeing where other people were going.

9. Dr, Katz Professional Therapist

I think a lot of them got taken down from youtube so I’m not sure where you would see them. Out of all the videos, this is definitely going to be the hardest to get used to the animation. “Squiggle animation” or whatever. But this is the closest thing to stand up comedy that I can enjoy. For the record if you don’t know, I absolutely hate stand up comedy. Or at least I haven’t seen any that I liked yet. But it’s by the same creator as Bob’s Burgers and the voice of Bob Belcher plays a pretty big role here. This is a dialogue based show which it really has to be given it’s animation style but that’s nice because you could listen to the show while you’re doing stuff. I actually downloaded the mp3 file of the shows and so sometimes when I’m driving or running I listen to it instead of music. The relationship between the dad and the son is hilarious and definitely has that Bob’s Burgers feel to it.

10. Home Movies

This is another show that I believe involves a producer from Bob’s Burgers and Bob Belcher’s voice. It also started out with the squiggle animation but I think they changed it 2 seasons in because they felt the squiggle animation was iconic to Dr. Katz Professional Therapist. It’s about a kid who’s in like second grade, but I love how the mom talks to him as if he’s an adult. Even though it’s pretty light hearted overall, there is the thing with his parents being divorced and Coach McGuirk(Same voice as Bob Belcher) is an alcoholic so there are some mature content. But it was a really great show and I think it really goes to show how much story matters because even though the animation is so basic, it was very entertaining.

[lifeofgroffsauce]

Subject: Life Update (AKA Jon Spills His Soul)

June 25th, 2018. *Email contains TWs*

Today was the Mondayest of all Mondays. I got sunburned yesterday at Pride (super fun by the way, always recommend. Pride, not the scorched skin.) Really wasn't planning on going anywhere today. Our flight got in at 2 this morning, which was pretty rough. Probably should’ve planned that spontaneous trip to Cali better, but then it wouldn’t have been spontaneous now would it. Uh, I slept in until 8, if you could, on any level, call that sleeping in. Something I overheard yesterday kind of stuck with me in a negative way. I ran into (okay, more like eavesdropped onto) a group of gay men conversing about bisexual men. They were super insistent that there’s no satisfying a bisexual man because they always crave women. I know you know where this is going so yeah, bare with me. It’s so stupid; it even sounds just idiotic, because how can you shame an entire sexuality for the wrongs of a few people. I know it’s not logical. I know, I know, I know. It triggered this... I’m not even sure what to call it. Insecurity maybe? Naturally, the smallest of shit just exacerbated it. I got into a disagreement with my boyfriend over lube. Aloe as lube (which has a consistency akin to vaginal fluids (I’m sorry, even more sorry for brackets in brackets) so that just, BAD ). Specifically, him using it when he topped (dominated, if you’re not familiar) me. He didn’t want to and it fucking spiraled into this even bigger thing where my brain did that awesome cute thing of not shutting the fuck up. I didn’t even want him to touch me. How is that possible? How does it make sense? It’s so frustrating because I know it doesn’t. He started getting moody (I think) and for some reason that made me want to fuck him but- let’s put it this way: I’m finally seeing those side effects of Lexapro. As if I don’t already feel comfortable with my body, the one aspect I’ve never complained about doesn’t work. To top all of it off, I received an email from my agent that says filming for one of my projects has been moved up to August. The producers were talking about pushing this out until November, now it’s August? That’s less than six weeks away. I’m so fucking worried. I’m unfathomably worried that this is too soon to leave my boyfriend. I already know I’m going to miss so much: he’s having another baby in a few months (I can already imagine the new-baby-bonding with his not-even-ex wife he’s going to do), his third to accompany his two other small sons, one of which is still basically a newborn too. I’m going to miss out on these big stepping stones (there’s a better phrase out there, I’m adamant about it but don’t care enough to seek it; jk we both know I’ll get to the end of this and be anxious and not send this email if I don’t find it). WAIT, milestones! That’s the word. Including my commentary because I know how much you enjoy my psyche’s crisis. Um, yeah. I’m going to miss everything; I’ll be continents away in an entirely different time zone, filming a depressing fucking tv show, all alone; with the exception of my ex-boyfriend (who has been weirdly appropriate with me. Are you tired of all my notes in brackets yet?) Everything in my head is screaming it’s a bad idea: leaving. I can’t stay though; like, I can’t back out of this project. Papers have already been signed, the cast is locked in, and I’ve already removed myself from two other projects. It won’t look good on my theatre sheet/‘filmography’ to have that little *incomplete* red mark. To add (lol didn’t I already say thing or something? Fuck it, let’s keep rolling): Jesus Christ, my niece Camden has been so salty lately. She’s feeling so left out since I moved, but it’s not like I’m ten minutes away anymore and I can just easily pick her up. That little girl is my heart and soul; I’d never intentionally hurt her yet, here she is. Declining to spend the night or even hang out because she doesn’t get “all of me”. You have a daughter; what would you do with that one? Right, can’t make it personal. Sorry. Which, I think it super ironic when you think about how your patients (clients?) spill their motherfucking guts out on the ugly commercial carpet of your office (sorry if you chose it, so sorry!) and you’re not supposed to share much in return. My pop texted me to see if I was still coming to my parents’ wedding anniversary party, with my boyfriend. This will be the first time he’s meeting my dad, and the first time any significant other of mine will be meeting the rest of my PA family/friends. I don’t worry about Lin at all- he’s fucking amazing with people, and so, so charming. Jesus, does he have a way with words. Before this turns into a weird, unfulfilling love letter to him, let’s refocus. I don’t want to think about the way my father is going to look at me, at us, as a couple, together. Me, with another man. I’m still reeling over the last glance that seemed to scream, “ew, my son’s gay.” You know how people say things like, “Your parents love you unconditionally; they would never change a thing about you”? That’s definitely not true in my case, and I can feel it every time we’re alone. When we’re joking or talking, it’s cool, but then... then, there’s a silence that sets my teeth on edge and he acknowledges we’re not the same. Not that we were ever supposed to be but, I don’t even think I’m explaining this right, now. When I was a teenager (I know I’ve told you about this), a story came out on the local news about two homosexual men being wrongly jailed for a crime they didn’t commit. While awaiting trial, they were raped and beaten by a gaggle of bigger prison guys. Apparently it was so brutal they required stitching, to which the inmates tore out and repeated the first occurrence. Awesome, right. It’s forever burned in my mind what he said, because I know he wasn’t meaning to be cruel or callous but the words just came out. “I wouldn’t wish that on anyone but if anyone would like it, God knows it would be those sissies. That’s what they all want anyway.” Followed by, “Sodomy is sodomy; they shouldn’t complain.” Every time I’m at my parents house, my brother Dave is amazing at swooping in to provide this phenomenal (majorly liberal) support system. He really pushes to educate my parents and not leave an older generation in the dark. I have to admit, he’s worked wonders with them, on so many different topics. That one though. I just think he looks at me and wishes so badly I was hetero. He’d sell his soul just to watch me marry Lea, I’m sure. Wow, my “just” count is insane but, no editing. Rolling with it; thoughts as they come. TLDR; I just feel like I’m disappointing everyone, or if I haven’t already, I’m going to. I fucking shouldn’t, I know that I’m thirty-three and still waiting for my parents approval is so goddamn old. It doesn’t mean anything though. Regardless, I’m waiting for the ball to drop, and I’m not sure the meds are helping. I haven’t been hyperventilating or had an actual attack but I still feel the anxiety. It feels like a harsh hand around my throat that makes it hard to breathe but I always somehow manage to catch my breath; that must be the drugs. I’m shocked I haven’t once mentioned how huge and disproportionate my thighs looked in every pair of baggy sweatpants and basketball shorts I tried on today. There’s one. It’s so exhausting to even try to talk about, or convey through here. You know the drill: thought about it for hours, picked at my food, maaaay have googled ‘things to eat for slim thighs’. Definitely did. At this point in life... I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. Between typing out sentences of this email, I stopped to try to get hard (you’re getting the explicit, uncut version, sorry; also hi, wishful thinking) but all porn does is annoy me. I feel so wound up, anxious, and almost angry. Low-key (this is new generation talk for like, “kinda”, I think) want to just... cry. In conclusion: Jonathan feels all the things and I haven’t even told you half of it... believe it or not. I have a headache and this couch is hurting my neck. This is all you’re getting. Relief, right? You’re like, “Thank fucking god, Jon, you already sent me a Harry Potter novel. Let me respond then you may continue rattling on about your not-even-bad life you’re complaining about.” It really ISN’T bad, for the record. It’s not, at all. I’m just in my feelings and at the peak of frustration. Okay, done ranting. I think I feel better? I might not even send this. Let’s play russian roulette with the enter key. If you get this, thumbs up. If you don’t... I guess I won’t expect a reply. Thank you, always, for dealing with me. I’m sorry these thoughts couldn’t wait... three days. Face palm.

[Sent]

[hightechdad]

The iPhone 12 Pro has now been out for several months, and it has proven to be one of the best sellers yet (with a couple of exceptions). Consequently, there are countless reviews on it in terms of performance and features, and, of course, the camera, which continues to improve with each iteration. So, how do you write a review of the iPhone 12 Pro that isn’t like all of the other thousands of reviews out there (that probably do a much better job than I will ever do)? It isn’t easy. But I have now been using the iPhone 12 Pro Max for a few months, and my friends, family, colleagues, tech aficionados, and coworkers have been asking me: should I upgrade to the iPhone 12? My response: probably yes. But, there are a few things to think about before you do. This review of the iPhone 12 Pro is more of what I would tell my friends. It has some of the key features, yes, just like any other review, but as a “trusted advisor” on tech to those who know me, I have limited my commentary to a few core things that stood out to me. Everyone has a different perspective, different ideas on what they “need” or “want,” and different use cases. When getting any smartphone, you should carefully consider those before making a purchase…because new, cutting-edge smartphones are not exactly cheap. Here are nine items that I feel are important to think about, particularly as they relate to the iPhone 12 Pro Max (the one that I have). They aren’t in any order and can be view with equal importance. Do let me know if you have any questions! Before the features, think about the smartphone you currently have Here are some things to consider before taking the plunge and doing an expensive upgrade. I list them as a series of questions – ask these to yourself. And while I’m heavily skewed toward the Apple ecosystem and probably wouldn’t change platforms, you can ask these across platforms. How old is your current smartphone? If it is more than 1-2 years old, I would say, yes, upgrade. You can take advantage of faster processors, better cameras, stronger connectivity.What is the primary (and secondary) use for your smartphone? Is it photography or videography? Checking mail and surfing the web? Tethering with your laptop? Making phone calls? Streaming media (music and videos)? All of these are potentially important. If you use your smartphone for less processor/CPU-intensive items like just email and browsing the web, you might not need the top-of-the-line version. How is the storage on your current smartphone? Are you always having to find a way to “free up space,” or are you never able to update apps or the OS because you don’t have enough free space? If so, spend a bit extra and get more storage (the most you can if you can afford it, I’d say). Don’t get the minimum amount of space.What is a comfortable size for your hands/pocket/purse? Yes, size does matter. It affects the price, obviously, but also your viewing experience. If you are watching movies all the time, a large screen is a huge advantage. Same with taking photos or video – seeing more detail definitely helps. But if you have small hands or want to carry your smartphone easily and discreetly, you may want to opt for a smaller size.Do you really need to have 5G? It is a big buzzword. Many mobile carriers are pushing 5G as THE best thing to have. Guess what, it really depends on where you do most of your mobile phone use. If you are on WiFi most of the time (aren’t we all working from home now?), 5G might not be that important…right now. And, 5G coverage and speeds vary dramatically based on geography, proximity to 5G-enabled cell towers, etc. More about 5G later.Do you take photos or videos? One of the biggest features that all of the smartphone manufacturers talk about and compare is the camera. If you don’t take many photos or videos, you probably don’t need that smartphone with five lenses running down the back (I exaggerate, but I wouldn’t be surprised if the numbers do climb). But, it is becoming increasingly more difficult to take a “bad” picture with a newer smartphone. If you are a couple of generations behind, like with the iPhone, upgrading your iPhone will also upgrade your photos and videos (but remember the storage question above). And you may also want to think about the different levels within the same smartphone release (e.g., the iPhone 12 versus the iPhone 12 Pro). There IS a pretty big difference if photos and videos are important to you. And lastly, think about how you use your smartphone. As I said, it’s quite personal. (Don’t forget about costs as well – the price of top-of-the-line smartphones now rivals even laptops!) What if I have an iPhone already? Let me talk briefly about the iPhone upgrade in particular. This is not an algorithmic calculation in any way, just my gut feel and personal recommendation. If you have an iPhone 11 or iPhone 11 Pro – you probably can hold off a version. If you have an iPhone X or iPhone X Max – this really depends on your budget and many of the questions above.If you have an iPhone XS/XR – truly, this depends on the questions above. My kids had these with minimal space. They take lots of photos and videos. The upgrade to the iPhone 12 Pro was almost a given.iPhone 9 – DON’T EVER UPGRADE (hint: there is no such thing as the iPhone 9 so if you have one, hold on to it!)iPhone 8 – you lose your TouchID, but FaceID is much better IMHO. I say yes, upgrade for many benefits across the boardiPhone 7 or older – this is a no-brainer. Do the upgrade! I highly recommend using Apple’s interactive iPhone model comparison tool to drill down into the differences between current and previous models and the differences within the same model year. Now that I have covered the iPhone upgrade path in general, what about the iPhone 12? There are two major versions to consider, the iPhone 12 and the iPhone 12 Pro. Within these versions are two sub-versions. Here’s the lineup: iPhone 12 and iPhone 12 mini – see the comparisoniPhone 12 Pro and iPhone 12 Pro Max – see the comparison Here, the difference comes down to size, price, and camera primarily. So, go back to my initial questions earlier. Each of these models has the new Apple A14 Bionic chip, so the processor isn’t really a factor. I had the Apple iPhone 11 Pro Max for about a year. For me, the biggest change was the camera. You can read my thoughts about that here. So, how does the iPhone 12 Pro Max compare? Below are nine things I believe are important to talk about regarding the iPhone 12 Pro Max. 1 – Speed of the A14 Processor The A14 Bionic chip is Apple’s latest and greatest processor. As more processing power is squeezed into a smaller design, you would think things might not be that much “better.” In fact, the A14 is super fast. I could even notice it compared to my iPhone 11 Pro Max which had the A13 Bionic. Apple boasts increased efficiency, better battery life, better processing for graphics and video, and a whole lot more! 11.8 billion transistors, 16-core Neural Engine (helps with taking better photos – haha), 11 trillion operations per second (video games absolutely fly), new image signal processor (again, better photos with Smart HDR 3), Dolby Vision & 4K capable (you could actually film that next Oscar-winning film on your iPhone)…yeah. But what does that mean? To put it simply, you have a pretty amazing supercomputer in your hands. Yes, the iPhone 12 Pro Max is a step up from the iPhone 11 Pro Max. It is noticeable. But it is a huge leap from all previous generations! 2 – Camera (Obviously) Talking about the iPhone 12 Pro Max’s camera is worthy of an article upon itself. There are so many technical advancements and improvements that it boggles the mind. Whether you are a professional photographer or videographer, or just the family photo-journalist trying to capture each and every moment, if you want to take amazing photos, night or day, the iPhone 12 Pro (Max) is the way to go. Be sure to review my recommendations earlier about which upgrade path makes the most sense. From the iPhone 11, you may want to wait a generation. But anything earlier, the camera is truly the forcing function. Instead of going into huge amounts of details on each updated, new, or improved feature, a nice little laundry list of items is probably sufficient. Here are some of the highlights of the iPhone 12 Pro: 4K Dolby Vision HDR – yes, you can shoot, edit, and share with that high of a quality. Record at 60 frames per second (fps) and 700 million colors.LIDAR Scanner – create a 3D depth map of objects without the dependency of light. This can be used for Augmented Reality (AR) or truly ups your photography game to help with autofocus in low-light environments.Improved Night Mode – night-mode photography blew my mind when I tested it in the iPhone 11 Pro Max. With the 12 Pro Max, it’s even better (especially when coupled with LIDAR). Faster CPU, wider aperture, improved lenses make night shots even better!5x Optical zoom – yes, you can zoom in even closer with better resolution without the need for the OS to do digital zooming (and interpreting)Improved Image Stabilization – don’t worry about having that extra cup of coffee and having jittery hands. The iPhone 12 Pro Max does stabilization at 5000 times per second!Deep Fusion & Neural Engine at work – these two techy terms essentially translate to much better detail, even at lower light, without even thinking about it.Smart HDR 3 – better refinement of highlights and shadows means you can shoot just about any time of day you want with amazing details and color balance, from whites to blacks.3 Different Physical Lenses – choose from Ultrawide, Wide, or Telephoto for the perfect composition.Apple ProRAW – this is sort of like RAW with an Apple boost. RAW photos (while huge in size), contain all of the image information – a perfect option for those photography purists!TrueDepth – while taking photos of others is great, the front-facing camera now has night mode. Those selfies never looked better! Now that is just scraping the surface of the iPhone 12 Pro Max’s camera features and improvements. If you haven’t experienced it, borrow someone’s iPhone 12 Pro and test it out. Reading a bunch of words doesn’t really do it justice; you have to experience it in action! 3 – High-Speed 5G Cellular 5G is the big thing right now. All of the carriers are talking about it. But as I mentioned before, whether 5G is good for you or not depends on a lot of things – location being the primary one. If you are on WiFi all of the time, it might not be worth it. If 5G hasn’t been fully rolled out in your area yet, again, this might not be a big determining factor. The iPhone 12 comes ready for slurping down 5G goodness. But, you should check to see if your current cellular plan even supports 5G. In fact, I had to upgrade all of my family to a 5G plan since our old unlimited plan didn’t have it. But guess what? I actually saved some money doing the upgrade. Also, if (and when) you do get the iPhone 12, be sure you take a look at the 5G options under Settings > Cellular > Cellular Data Options. There are some choices there to make. Personally, I have my Voice & Data set to 5G Auto and my Data Mode to be Allow More Data on 5G. Remember, 5G does consume more power. Having it on Auto supposedly will help regulate when it jumps into overdrive. Also, if you don’t have an unlimited data plan, you may blow through your 5G data allotment, so be sure to know what you sign up for. 4 – An Even Better Screen The iPhone screen continues to improve with better resolution, color depth, brightness, contrast ratios, and more. Known as the Super Retina XDR display, this new screen has up to 1200 nits of max peak brightness (800 nits typical viewing), great for movie watching and gazing in awe of HDR photos. What is a nit? It is the standard unit of luminance used when describing sources of light. The higher the rating, the brighter the display. Basically, the iPhone 12 Pro Max is pretty darn bright, which I can definitely attest to. Packed into the 6.7-inch (diagonal) screen of the iPhone 12 Pro Max, which is OLED, are 3.4 million pixels. This equates to a 2778×1284 pixel resolution at 458 ppi. It is also an HDR and True Tone display. What does that mean to the rest of us (tech mumbo jumbo aside)? Watching movies, viewing photos, web browsing, and just doing menial tasks look glorious on this screen. I have even found that viewing movies, coupled with a good headset, is almost better than watching in a media room with full surround sound. But that is just me. 5 – A “New” Body Redesign I like to call the iPhone 12 Pro a bit of a throw-back edition. Physical designs change between generations. Sometimes the changes are not as obvious, while other times, the differences are pretty dramatic. The iPhone 12 moves away from the rounded edges and goes back to the iPhone 5 somewhat. This “new” design, which basically has a metallic band circling the outside, allows for more screen to be displayed and less bezel being seen. Buttons and toggles are still in the same places as before, so your muscle memory doesn’t have to change. The body is crafted from Surgical-grade stainless steel for the iPhone 12 Pro and 12 Pro Max, and the iPhone 12 uses aerospace-grade aluminum. The iPhone 12 Pro Max is comfortable to hold and not too slippery. However, I always highly recommend getting a good quality case to protect your iPhone investment. But, read on to the next two sections as they are both quite important when choosing a case (if you do actually need one). 6 – The Ceramic Shield The scariest thing about having an iPhone is when it accidentally falls from your hands. As if falls to the ground, so does your stomach. Will the screen shatter (which is pretty costly to repair – hint, it is worth getting Apple Care for your iPhone just to feel a bit safer)? With the iPhone 12, Apple introduced something called the Ceramic Shield. While with each iPhone generation, the durability of the screen gets better, in this generation, Apple truly wanted to make it even better. They basically baked nano-ceramic crystals (which are stronger than many metals) into the glass. This makes it much more resistant to scratches (think about your iPhone in your pocket or bad being bounced around with keys knocking against the screen). I have read reviews and tests of the new Ceramic Shield, and those parties have stated that the front screen is definitely better, even related to drop tests. Remember, the Shield is only on the front screen, so you may want to get a case to protect the edges and back anyway. And be sure that if you get a case, that on the front, the edge goes slightly above the screen to help prevent scratching of the screen if it slides across the ground, face-down. 7 – MagSafe Charging Ah, the MagSafe. Many of us who use MacBooks or MacBook Pros became familiar with the magnetic attachment for the power cord (which was unfortunately removed with the newer USB-C MacBooks or MacBook Pros. (Rumor has it, they might be back in future MacBook Pros with the M1 chip.) Using a strong magnet to hold the connective power in place, the MagSafe was great. Apple coupled the idea of power (wireless charging) with the magnet in the iPhone 12. You already had wireless charging capabilities in older iPhones, but with the addition of the magnet into the iPhone, you are sure that the wireless charger snaps into place and is charging. One of the most satisfying things about the new MagSafe charging on the iPhone 12 is that click sound when the MagSafe is locked in place and charging. There are already many manufacturers of MagSafe-compatible “puck” charges. I currently use the Apple MagSafe Charger. Sometimes I will disconnect and reconnect just to hear it. But MagSafe brings a new line of accessories to the mix. I have a clear plastic case by Apple that clearly indicates where to put the charger. The MagSafe is actually quite strong. I’m currently testing out some MagSafe stands that hold the iPhone 12 Pro Max in place without having to rest the iPhone in a cradle. And there are lots of other accessories and cases that incorporate it into their designs. 8 – Don’t Forget the Battery I have to disclaim talking about battery-related items right from the start – “your mileage may vary.” How long your battery will last really depends on how you use your device. Yes, this is stating the obvious, I know. If you have minimal apps, don’t go on your smartphone much, only have one email account, and don’t stream video, you probably have a much better battery life than I do. That being said, the battery on the iPhone 12 Pro Max is pretty good. I can get by pretty much an entire day without having to charge it up. But again, I’m a very heavy user and have many background tasks always running. The best thing about getting a new iPhone is you get a new battery. Over time, and despite new and better-charging algorithms built into iOS, your battery will degrade. Charging has also improved, BUT that is because chargers now have more power. NOTE: the iPhone 12 (Pro) does NOT come with a power adapter. Apple figures that everyone has an adapter already. I would HIGHLY recommend you get a 20W or higher adapter to take advantage of fast-charge capabilities. With a 20W or higher adapter, you can get a 50% charge in 30 minutes. (Here is one 3rd party power adapter I recently reviewed which might be a great option.) The iPhone 12 Pro Max’s batter is quite similar to the iPhone 11 Pro Max. In fact, I believe the iPhone 11 battery has a higher capacity. However, as hardware and software become increasingly optimized, capacity might not necessarily translate into a longer battery. 9 – iOS 14+ Support Last but not least here, you have to consider iOS 14 (and higher). Apple optimizes their operating system to take advantage of the latest hardware. Consequently, Apple starts dropping support for older iPhone models simply because the hardware cannot keep up with the latest iOS (another reason to upgrade if you are way behind on iPhone generations). Having the latest hardware from Apple means that iOS is essentially built for it. I probably use just a fraction of all of the iOS capabilities. And the nice thing is that regular feature and security updates to iOS mean that your iPhone 12 Pro Max stays like a fine-tuned sports car. Upgrade or Not? Yeah, ok, if you have read over 3000 words in this article, it means that you are doing your research on whether the iPhone 12 Pro Max is a good upgrade for you or not (or you just like reading my writing). There is a lot to consider when doing this type of upgrade. The first section of this article talked about why you might want to upgrade, and then the rest was about why choose the iPhone 12 Pro Max. But I feel like it also does come down to price and what your budget can handle. There are 4 models of iPhone 12 and within those, you have storage capacity (I always say go as large as you can). Don’t forget about the 5G upgrade you may need to do with your mobile wireless carrier. Below are a few options with prices (on Amazon) with the most storage available: iPhone 12 mini – 256GB Black – $879iPhone 12 – 256GB Blue – $979iPhone 12 Pro – 512GB Graphite – $1,299iPhone 12 Pro Max – 512GB Graphite – $1,399 Shop on HighTechDad The product shown below (and related products that have been reviewed on HighTechDad) is available within the HighTechDad Shop. This review has all of the details about this particular product and you can order it directly by clicking on the Buy button or clicking on the image/title to view more. Be sure to review other products available in the HighTechDad Shop. Apple iPhone 12 Pro Max $1,399.00 Buy on Amazon I wrote this review and article for friends, family, and co-workers in mind to help them potentially navigate the iPhone upgrade path. But, obviously, if you are reading this, I wrote this article for you as well. Please! Feel free to contact me if you have any questions. Leave a comment below or ask me on Twitter. I’m happy to help if I can. Upgrading your iPhone is always fun yet tricky. Just be sure you fully understand what features you want versus what features you need! HTD says: The iPhone 12 Pro Max is a supercomputer in your hand with new features and capabilities that are astounding. Knowing if and why you should upgrade to a new iPhone is critical to your happiness using it later.

https://www.hightechdad.com/2021/02/21/9-reasons-to-upgrade-to-the-iphone-12-pro-max-what-i-would-tell-my-friends/

[dystopialiving]

Case Study #11: Meta Media

Some background:

Meta-media is, as near as I can tell from a very cursory Google search, a term that I’m coining for the sake of this blog.

Seems fair.

The same concept has been touched on by some writers under the terminology of recaps and recap culture, but that analysis in my opinion doesn’t capture the complete nature of the issue. Probably because most other pop culture outlets don’t operate from the premise that we’re living in an inescapable hellscape of our own making.

I’m not sure why, because I’m having a blast here.

Anyhow! Meta-media is media whose sole purpose is to revisit other (most often contemporary) previously-consumed pieces of media, typically in the form of podcasts, television, or streaming video.

You’re likely already familiar with at least one piece of meta-media. Examples include Talking Dead, The West Wing Weekly, Watch the Thrones, and Here to Make Friends.

Media about media is nothing new, as the long history of film and literary criticism, digests and the like attests. However, meta-media is distinct from these other historical forms in that it expects the viewer or listener to have already consumed the primary piece of media in order to engage in the meta-level consumption.

In other words, you’ll read a film review to help you decide if you want to spend your time watching the film in question, and you’ll read Soap Opera Digest to catch up on the episodes you missed, but Talking Dead is not a show you watch if you missed The Walking Dead. It’s a show you spend your time watching if and only if you just spent the last hour of your life watching The Walking Dead. And you don’t listen to The West Wing Weekly to decide whether or not you want to start watching The West Wing. It’s only coherent if you’ve already watched the show.

Whereas historical media about media was created to save you time, meta-media is created to compound the amount of time you spend consuming. So not only do you have to contend with a truly overwhelming amount of primary media, you’ve now got to make sure you’re up on all your hippest recaps as well. 

Meta-media is coming for every goddamn minute we have.

The Dystopia:

There’s nothing inherently bad about media consumption, and there’s no shortage of media that provides opportunities for personal enrichment—It’s when we reach overconsumption, and in particular overconsumption of the types of media that don’t provide personal enrichment, that problems begin to arise. Speaking of a rise: 

Source

That’s right—Americans now spend more than 11 hours each day consuming media of one form or another, and that number is rising. That’s nearly ⅔ of all waking hours (factoring in the less-than recommended 6.8 hours of sleep per night the average American gets).

Frustratingly, the meta-media problem is further compounded by how serialization of media has changed with the advent of streaming video. It is only very recently that media creators expect viewers to consume, for example, every episode of a television series. Even up until the early 2000s, series-long story arcs didn’t require the viewer to consume even the majority of a series’ episodes to be comprehensible, and important plot points were often recapped with the expectation that not all viewers were able to keep up with essential episodes (see, for example, The X-Files). Now, when entire seasons of television are dumped in a single day and viewers can binge watch over the course of a weekend, every episode is designed to be essential viewing.

Whereas the historical digest format would be even more helpful now, in what can only be called a content glut, we’ve instead moved in the opposite direction. Meta-media not only compels us to watch every episode of a television show, it also compels us to watch or listen to every episode about every episode. 

In pulling this post together, I spent several hours listening to and watching meta-media, and I came away with one predominant thought: I’m never getting those hours of my life back. But it was certainly a learning experience.

I dove into The West Wing Weekly and Here to Make Friends (each hour-long podcasts recapping single episodes of The West Wing and The Bachelor, respectively), Beyond Stranger Things, Talk the Thrones (an hour-plus long live webcast recapping single Game of Thrones Episodes), and Talking Dead.

In terms of the content that most meta-media explores, it tends to live in the world of commentary, but rarely approaches criticism—it’s all far more expository than analytical. Hosts will give surface-level opinions about the primary media’s narrative, and make predictions for future episodes or installments, but rarely do they delve deeper into themes or questions like what a piece of media says about the culture at large. Controversial opinions are almost nonexistent, as if the meta-media exists primarily to validate positive feelings that consumers have about the original piece of media. This characteristic is particularly egregious for meta-media that’s produced by the very same entity that created the primary media.

In a best-case scenario, meta-media will include in its discussion someone who was involved in the production of the primary media to give behind-the-scenes insight into the making of the original product. In other words, you’re basically watching this:  

So, yeah, I’m using “best-case scenario” pretty generously here. It’s derivative, it’s uncreative. It adds very little to the conversation started by the primary media, and it’s really only a simulacrum of a conversation.

Meta-media also pays a very real part in our deepening entrenchment in our own particular content bubbles, in that it does little to open us up to new perspectives or ways of thinking. There are only so many hours in the day, and filling those hours with meta-media leaves less and less room for experiencing novel primary media. In a time when we could stand to learn about as many new things and ways of thinking as possible, it seems borderline irresponsible to consume something that, instead of being about love or acceptance or trauma or family or friggin’ dragons, is just about another show.

But Why?

A defense of meta-media I’ve heard from friends and acquaintances is that consuming it feels a lot like hanging out and chatting with friends. But if that’s the case—why aren’t we just hanging out and chatting with friends? Do they not like the same shows that we do? Are we disappointed that they’re not as witty as our favorite podcast hosts? Or do we just not have the time, what with all the meta-media we’re consuming?

At what point does media consumption become another obligation rather than a real pleasure?

Critically, meta-media lacks the most crucial element that hanging out and chatting with friends grants us: actually voicing our own opinions. Sure, we might have thoughts and feelings upon consuming a particular episode, but if we then immediately follow that with simply dumping professional content creators’ positive opinions in on top, do we even have space to fully form and flesh out our own ideas about media?

It’s like a reverse Two Minutes Hate. Let’s call it 60 Minutes Love.

Assuming we don’t receive a cease-and-desist from the Leslie Stahl fan club:

And there, I think is the real answer to why meta-media has grown so enormously in recent years: More consumption means more advertising dollars, and in terms of effort to both create and consume, meta-media expertly scrapes the bottom of the barrel. It’s a low-budget media format that, at its least complicated, reliably gives its consumers warm and fuzzy feelings. More insidiously, meta media also spurs ironic consumption. Sure, you wouldn’t normally be caught dead watching The Bachelor, but Here to Make Friends is funny, so you’ll watch it on a lark. Congratulations—advertisers don’t care why you’re watching the Bachelor. They got your eyeballs anyway.

Redeeming Qualities:

Particularly given the aforementioned opinions about what it feels like to consume meta-media, I’m not going to deny that plenty of meta-media is entertaining. Most meta-media hosts are deliberately chosen to be funny and engaging, so from a strictly hedonic perspective, meta-media has a role to play on the mindless end of the entertainment spectrum. I certainly understand wanting a break from dense, emotionally or intellectually heavy media.

That’s not to say that meta media is dumb, per se. At its best, it can be witty and occasionally insightful, but what it’s not is intellectually original. It is, by its very nature, derivative. And while I understand the impulse to sometimes just kick back and enjoy something untaxing, there’s so much primary media that could fill that void! Or even non-media choices altogether.

I suppose at best that meta-media can be seen as a manifestation of the completionist impulse that lies at the heart of certain fandoms. If we love something enough, we’re happy to sacrifice novelty for depth, and that’s okay as long as we fully grasp the consequences of that choice. Still, I can’t help but feel that there’s a fundamental difference between A World Of Ice And Fire and Watch The Thrones.

Can we fix it?

The first step to fixing this is to just be honest about what we get out of our favorite piece of meta-media and decide whether or not it’s enriching in a way that’s deserving of our increasingly scarce time. More broadly, though, we also need to work towards dealing with a larger cultural problem in content creation: Talk Show Disorder.

Talk Show Disorder is a problem that manifests itself time after time in the behavior of otherwise extremely talented comedians and performers. When presented with a crossroads in their career, they overwhelmingly make an extremely boring and predictable choice: hosting a talk show (see: Conan O’Brien, Stephen Colbert, Ellen DeGeneres, etc. etc.).

These are extremely capable people who could otherwise do just about anything with their time and be successful. Why is their impulse to choose to spend five days a week sitting behind a desk, talking about the things that other people are doing? Is it just good, easy money? Is it the cultural weight we’ve assigned to talk show hosts as authority figures?  Why are so many creators compelled to do something so thoroughly unoriginal? To put it another way:

Meta-media, I think, is a symptom of this larger disorder. The notion that this media format is something to aspire to is embedded deeply enough in the zeitgeist that people are going to continue creating and consuming meta-media until it changes.  

Just as every hour we spend consuming meta-media is an hour not consuming better media, every hour spent creating meta-media is an hour not spent creating primary media. Hopefully, if enough people stopped consuming meta-media, market forces would push content creators away from this form and towards using their intellectual capital on more worthwhile pursuits.

Look—at the end of the day, it’s your life. You can spend it doing whatever you want. But know that just as you vote with your dollar, you also vote with your time. So if, for example, you’re a young white dude who took three weeks of improv classes and is convinced that the best thing you can do with your time is record a combination Ballers/60 Minutes recap podcast called Ballers & Stahlers, maybe do your old pal Kevin a favor and try directing your creative energies elsewhere.

Up next: I may well go a few years without posting again, but hey—America has concentration camps again, so the basic premise of this blog is kind of shot. Maybe we should talk about that soon.

[currently-lurking-brb]

Boy, do I have a story for you

This is a very petty story and I'm not sorry. So, I am writing this while I have a movie on the tv in the background, I am checking my phone every so often when I receive a message, and I am talking to my dog at a sensible volume whenever I wish to do so. Why am I able to do all this, while watching a film, you ask? Well, I can do this because I am watching it in the comfort of my own home. You see, while at home, you can do whatever you please while watching films, as you do not need to worry about disturbing others. If you wish to watch a film with no disturbance, lights off and phone away, you can do so, or if you wish to multitask like I am doing now, you are also able to do that - because it is your home, your viewing experience, and you can do whatever you like. A cinema, however, is somewhat different. It is a shared viewing experience, and that can sometimes be fun. There are stories of people cheering together in the theatre when the Star Wars theme blared through the speakers during the premieres of The Force Awakens, which I imagine was a wonderful shared experience. Because a cinema trip is a shared experience, it is incredibly important to show a little decorum, and consideration for your fellow cinema-goer. As you can likely tell, I am about to tell you a very frustrating, but somewhat satisfying story. So, today my family and I took a trip to the cinema to see the positively-reviewed Dunkirk. As the trailers started, I turned my phone onto airplane mode, so it wouldn't buzz during the film. Because I'm nice like that. As the trailers were starting, I happened to notice a group of lads come in. It was hard not to laugh, as it was genuinely impossible to tell them apart. All three had bleached blond hair, shaved at the sides and plastered like a solid brick towards the backs of their heads. For the following piece I shall call them Lad 1, Lad 2, and Lad 3, as there was very little else distinguishing them, apart from approximate age. Lads 1 and 2 are clearly teenagers, can't be much more than 16, can't be less than 14, while Lad 3 seems older, possible late 20s/30s. Maybe he's a dad or an uncle, either way, he dresses like he wished he was the same age as Lads 1 and 2. However, I did try not to laugh, because even though I thought they looked like idiots, there are a lot of kind, genuine people in the world who have silly haircuts, and it would be wrong to judge someone by their fashion choices. It was a little harder to not judge when the moment his arse landed in the expensive VIP seat, Lad 2 (seated in the middle, in the row directly in front of me so I could see them very clearly) opened FaceTime to call a mate. You're in the cinema?? Why are you FaceTiming someone? Random, but I push that thought away because it is still the trailers, and not even the trailers based on the movie you're about to watch, so there was a good twenty minutes of adverts before the film was actually due to start. Then, Lad 2 puts his phone away and they all sit very quietly in their seats, watching the adverts just like everyone else. I stop noticing them because I am also watching the adverts. That is what I'm here for. For a little reminder, cinemas are designed so you have very little peripheral vision. You cannot see anything of the row behind you, because of how high the chairs are and the positioning of the rows. However, you can see a lot of whatever is happening in the rows in front, which is why kids used to go to the back row for a quickie in the olden days. If you wanted to see something going on behind you, you would need to twist and crane your neck right back. Any sort of phone/bright electronic-based activity is clearly visible to someone in the row behind you - I thought most people knew this, but apparently not, so there it is, explained. The adverts go wholly undisturbed, until the film actually starts. Lad 2 pulls out his phone, and films a little bit of the screen announcing that we would be watching Dunkirk that afternoon. He then proceeds to add a caption: 'at the pics with @followmyfriend and @followmyotherfriend.' I can see this clearly because he is directly in front of me and his screen is on full brightness. It's annoying. The opening credits are starting - and those who have seen the film know it starts stating some facts and statistics on the true event, which is important to read - and he is still on his phone, attempting to tell all his insta-fans that he's at the cinema, when he had twenty minutes of not-film time to do so. It's really bright, he's taking twelve years to post it and is starting to disturb the whole full row behind him. My mum leans forward and says: "Excuse me? Hi, could you turn your phone off please? It's really bright and right in our eyes." Fair, yes? There's a whole advert asking you to refrain from using your phone during the film, because it's disturbing. That advert happened about three minutes before this event occurred. Lad 2 turns around and snaps: "In ten minutes." ???? Ten minutes is the main exposition of the film. You'll miss a shitload of plot and I'll have to try and watch it while your screen is flickering away?? Nah. My mother retorts, "No, now please." (Teacher voice: activate). The film is starting, the actors are looking dramatically into the middle distance. Instead of watching the film, Lad 1 starts to join to defend Lad 2, whose ego is clearly bruised after being called out by an adult, and starts huffing and puffing generalised 'yeah what are you gonna do hahahaha,' and they are quickly accompanied by Lad 3 telling my mother not to start on them, as he puffs up to look hard as nails. So my dad just says "Don't start," because ya know he's gonna defend his wife, and it's all getting very annoying. My mum correctly points out that they can be removed from the theatre for disturbing other cinema-goers, and they laugh at this. I tell Lad 2 he can tell his insta-fans about the film later, let's just watch it. Tbh I'm probably not the nicest person for that but a literal teenage boy was trying to give lip to a couple of strangers for being asked to be more considerate, and the most fun way to jab at someone after that is to be patronising as shit. I'm from the posher end of Oxfordshire, I can be patronising. The film continues and the Lad collective settles down, and I think: yay! Time to enjoy the film. Wrong! Ten minutes later Lad 1 whips his own phone out, to send a text. I honestly don't understand how it could be impossible to go to a movie theatre and leave your phone undisturbed for a relatively short period of time. Seriously - ten minutes??? I've had farts last longer. Anyway, after the text, which he angled away so my mum couldn't see - but I could - he proceeds to stare at my mother. Lad 2 joins staring at my mother. They're smirking and staring, as if waiting for something to happen. I am directly behind them and tell them not to stare. I'll smugly admit they jump a bit, as they didn't realise I was looking at them, and I may have spat it a little meanly, but fuck it, they were rude and childish, and waiting to be called out on. It's weird to think you'd need to tell someone not to smirk and stare at people, were they never taught it was rude as hell? They proceed to whine: "We just want to watch the movie!" "Then turn around and watch it." Imagine being thick enough to prod and poke to try and start a little drama, and then get upset when someone calls you out on it? Bless. The film goes on, and Lad 3 huffs and puffs every now and then, at first I assumed he was attempting to seem tough and strong in front of the other Lads, but I was corrected later. He was vaping away. In a cinema. Charming. I continue to watch the film, and see little blond plastered heads bobbing away, chatting to each other, leaning close to whisper for a solid twenty minutes. You just wanted to watch the movie? With audio commentary maybe?? By the time we're hitting about the 40 minute mark of the film, I've noticed the solid gel-brick head of Lad 2 twisting around as far as his scrawny neck will take him to stare at me. I am not editing the truth to make myself the hero of a story, I was literally sitting, trying to watch Mark Rylance's beautiful acting. I couldn't have been doing anything to bother the row in front, because of the peripheral vision I mentioned earlier. Regardless, Lad 2 turns around to watch me no less than four times. Why? Are you struck by my ethereal beauty? Fat chance. Can you hear me breathing and is it somehow annoying? Nope. Are you a little shit? Yep. This continues and it's beyond creepy. Like, let it go, little boy. We've hit 45 minutes, it's starting to get really good. This film is intense as hell and I'd highly recommend it. Out of nowhere, I get the eeriest feeling. I already know what it's going to be. I look down and there they are; Tweedle-Fucking-Dee and Tweedle-Fucking-Dumb. They have both craned their necks around as far as they can to look up directly at me. I feel like an acorn that's been spotted by two competing wannabe-alpha squirrels. Squirrels don't even have alphas, so that says a lot, really. By the way - this is REALLY FUCKING CREEPY. What business do you have staring at a random girl??? Is this how you think you get them to like you? It's not. It's predatory and beyond gross. You literally disgust and repel me. I look down at them, they look up at me. Lad 2 smiles, as if he's somehow accomplished something. Then again, he's blessed with my attention, so he should feel lucky (sarcasm). I lean forward, I smile, and very sweetly say "I'm sorry, I thought you said you wanted to watch the film?" Lad 1 sits back and huffs, while Lad 2 has a brain fart. I don't think he managed to comprehend what was going on. He started wildly gesticulating, furiously whispering random babbled words that didn't really made sense. Something along the lines of: "Oh my god!!!! Why are you would you stop this is so I can't believe-" Poor kid can't even pull together a single sentence. No wonder staring was the only weapon in his arsenal. Gormless shit. Again, I find myself wondering: Why would you attempt to start a drama or pick a fight, and then act so surprised and offended when you are called out on it? I don't know, maybe they haven't been taught about cause and effect in school yet. Anyway, while Lad 2 is having his tantrum, Lad 3 gets all guffaw-y, and my dad just gets out and leaves. Lad 3 stands up, and follows shortly after. He is puffed up like an overweight pigeon that's holding in as much vape-shit as possible to attempt to seem big. The next part I wasn't privy to, but my dad filled me in after the film. According to dad, Lad 3 walks straight up to the manager and goes off on one. He claims my dad is picking on 14 year old boys, that he's disturbing him, that he wants his money back, swearing and raising his voice, blah blah blah. The manager stays quiet, as does my father. At the end of Lad 3's tirade, the manager appears confused. She says: "I thought you said they were 15?" OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Honestly I lost my shit when my dad told me that. Apparently Lad 3 shat himself, and the manager followed procedure. From my viewpoint, Lads 1 and 2 left their seats and never returned. The rest of the film passed by in a breeze of clever cinematography and wonderful acting. On coming out of the cinema, my dad went over to the manager who had taken over from the previous manager, and thanked her for how they dealt with it. The lovely manager then said she was sorry for the disturbance, and offered us free cinema tickets to use. Brilliant. Some may read this and think: 'Hannah this is so mean?' But you know what? If a couple of teenage boys are going to try and act all tough, high and mighty, and think they're really clever, they deserve to face consequences. They thought they were so big, so hard, and we very pettily ruined their Sunday afternoon. My favourite little kick to the teeth for this story is: they facetimed a mate to announce they were watching the film, they texted to announce they were watching the film, they posted on their instagram to announce they were watching the film, and they even forked out more money for the expensive, fancy VIP chairs to sit in to watch the film, and they didn't get to watch the film. This was because they were removed for behaviour that goes against policy - which is clearly stated right before the film starts. Got no one to blame but themselves. I wonder how this afternoon will be twisted, maybe they'll go home to mum and cry that a mean lady was sarcastic to them, and they were wrongly pulled out of a film because a mean old man made up terrible lies about her darling children. Ha. My question is - why? Why do teenage boys like to prove themselves? Why must they show everyone how big their dick is? Why do they feel the need to tell everyone how tough they are - that they could take on the world if they wanted to? I'll tell you why, because they're victims to toxic masculinity. What's that, you say? It's a set of societal conventions that show men are only tough, strong, with washboard abs. They never cry, because emotions are weak and they must punch their way through their sadness. It's the alpha-beta complex that so many men and boys fall for as they learn what a 'real man' is through the media. That's right, boys, not only are you pricks, you're daft enough to fall for mainstream media tricks. I feel sorry for you pricks. Until you carve that chip out of your shoulder, you'll forever live a half life, restricted and you may never feel truly happy and free. You poor, poor things. This is my message to all lads everywhere, or boys/men with the aspirations to be 'one of the lads.' You don't need to be rude and inappropriate to prove how cool you are. You may think you're hard as nails and beyond cool, but you'll likely end up embarrassing yourselves, or being kicked out of a cinema. Trust me, no one thinks that you being a twat is cool. Leave picking fights to the schoolyard, not the real world. Ironically, this happened during the showing of a film that actually defies a lot of tropes that toxic masculinity requires. There are no big, manly heroes, and they never refuse to show their emotions. Dunkirk is a new kind of war film, that acknowledges that you don't need to be the hero to be a compelling character in a story, you don't need to take unnecessary risks to show that you're a real man, and it's okay to be afraid, it's okay to be upset, because to feel is to be human. With the likes of Batman V Superman, Wonder Woman, and Spider-Man: Homecoming, Hollywood cinema is slowly turning around to remove the traits of toxic masculinity from their stories. Of course, this isn't an excuse to the Lad collective, they're still awful. Maybe as films show more realistic expectations for men - as they are currently doing for women - the next generations to come will be kinder, and less likely to huff and puff to try and show the world what big boys they are. I'm petty. I'm not sorry.

[spryfilm]

“Neon Demon” (2016)

Drama/Thriller

Running Time: 117 minutes

Directed by: Nicolas Winding Refn

Featuring: Elle Fanning, Jena Malone, Bella Heathcote, Abbey Lee, Karl Glusman, Christina Hendricks and Keanu Reeves

Roberto Sarno: “True beauty is the highest currency we have. Without it, she would be nothing.”

Dean: “I think you’re wrong.”

Roberto Sarno: “Excuse me?”

Dean: I said, I think you’re wrong.

Roberto Sarno: “So are you gonna tell me that it’s what’s inside that counts?”

Dean: “Yeah, that’s exactly what I think.”

Roberto Sarno: “Well I think, that if she wasn’t beautiful… you wouldn’t have even stopped to look.”

Nicolas Winding Refn’s follow up to “Only God Forgives” (2013) seems to be his comment on Hollywood, stardom and what this does to people at all levels of society in Los Angeles. How successful he is at it in this film is up for debate, with many viewers either loving or hating it. One thing is clear and that is like all his films it at least looks fantastic and viewers are rewarded who see it on the big screen. When I watched this film I was ready to be let down from the early word from last years Cannes Film Festival – however I am a fan of horror, particularly when it attempts to comment on art and commerce. I did like this film, but if i were to recommend a film that tackles a similar subject in a more straight forward with a lot less flash I would watch “Starry Eyes” (2014).

“The Neon Demon” is centrally about sixteen-year-old aspiring model Jesse (Elle Fanning) who has just moved from small-town Georgia to Los Angeles. At her first photoshoot she meets makeup artist Ruby (Jena Malone), who introduces fellow older models Sarah (Abbey Lee) and Gigi (Bella Heathcote). The three women are intrigued by Jesse’s natural beauty, as well as curious about her sexual prowess which she lies about.

Jesse gets signed by Roberta Hoffman (Christina Hendricks), the owner of a modelling agency, who tells her to pretend she is nineteen and refers her to a test shoot with a notable photographer, Jack McCarther (Desmond Harrington).

Jesse goes to a casting call for fashion designer Robert Sarno (Alessandro Nivola), where Sarah is also present. He pays no attention to Sarah but is entranced by Jesse. A distraught Sarah flees into a bathroom and shatters the mirror with anger and when Jesse enters, Sarah asks her how it feels to be the one who everyone admires. Jesse admits, “It’s everything.” From this point the narrative which has been more of a drama turns into something completely different, which you can find out for yourself.

As is the case with all of Refn’s films it looks amazing, I cannot help but think that Refn enjoys making movies more than the actual end product – for him it seems that the journey is most of the fun. As his films have progressed over the year the plot and narrative of his oevre seems to be less important than the feel and look of the film itself – he is becoming a true post-post modern filmmaker. For him the medium is much more important than the message – which I think may be a legitimate comment given the kind of films Hollywood has become known for, he is not even trying for a coherent plot.

I cannot help but feel that as Refn’s career has made him become more avant-garde he is  trying to out do himself with each subsequent movie – to my mind his best and more plot and narrative friendly is the Ryan Gosling “Drive” (2011) which should have received more attention than it did. And maybe the answer for Refn has been that last two films. I have to admit it would be a shock for Refn to actually make a more traditional film – however I would really enjoy that, and I cannot help but think it would also rejuvenate his career somewhat.

Refn is know for being collaborative with his actors and that explains why he always has top talent in his movies, here he has Elle Fanning, in her first real adult role, but to me while she is playing an ingénue here it rings a little hollow for this particular actress. The stand out for me is the always-undervalued Jena Malone in a femme fatale role that shows a real range. Malone has been around for years and makes anything she is in the better for it, particularly when there are weaknesses in the films she appears in.

As for the movie itself I really believe that this is for fans of this type of almost surreal work. I think it does get mired in self importance and Refn seem to be showing off a little but viewers may enjoy this. There is a huge element of horror and grand guignol but by now this should be expected form a film about a woman being seduced then swallowed up (literally)!

Special Features:

audio commentary with Director Nicolas Winding Refn and Elle Fanning

Blu-ray Review: “The Neon Demon”(2016) “Neon Demon" (2016) Drama/Thriller Running Time: 117 minutes Directed by: Nicolas Winding Refn Featuring: Elle Fanning, Jena Malone, Bella Heathcote, Abbey Lee, Karl Glusman, Christina Hendricks and Keanu Reeves…

[theworstbob]

the thing journal, 3.26.2017

review-like bitlets of the 7+ new things i took in last week.

this week: the bombpops, lupe fiasco, 10 cloverfield lane, andrew mcmahon, halocene, the age of spin, the menzingers, beauty & the beast (2017). if you’re spoiler-averse, maybe don’t check out what i have to say about 10 Cloverfield Lane?

1) Fear of Missing Out, by The Bombpops: This album feels like home. I stumbled across this band because I was trying to find pop/punk acts with female involvement/influence, because hey maybe if I'm going to be writing extensively about the genre I should know more than three punk acts with girls in them? And I heard some song they made in 2012 or so and was impressed enough, and then I learned they had an album drop THIS YEAR! And I came away really impressed, especially by the title track. A lot of this album is love songs and break-up songs that are meant to get precisely at my nostalgic sweet spot AND I AIN'T MIND THAT ONE GOT DAMN BIT but "F.O.M.O." is an astoundingly mature song. I might be misinterpreting things, but it sounds like the band's thinking about where they're at in their music career, and how long they can continue keeping up the party before they realize they've seen/done everything and have to pack it in, it's this really cool blend of energy and introspection, and it gets me at this point in my life where I'm kind of in the same place except I've never made anything as dope as this album, but like I get that line, "I work at 9 AM, but I'm still throwing up." Never, um, Never quite been there myself, but I get what it's like to go to your normal job after throwing yourself into the thing that doesn’t give you health insurance. Even beyond that, there's a lot that I absolutely fucking love about this album, and I'm glad to have found it.

2) DROGAS Light, by Lupe Fiasco: From what I'd heard, I was prepared for this to be Certainly An Album, but I'm here to tell you: it's not that up its ass! It's still there, but only as far as your standard Lupe Fiasco album. It's not Tetsuo & Youth, but I'm not gonna be angry at an album for not being a masterpiece, y'know? I don't think it's inaccessible or overly self-indulgent, but y'know what, seeing that I had to type “not inaccessible or overly self-indulgent,” I'm willing to admit I'm something of a Lupe stan, and I could see how this album cover could appear for the non-believers as a glowing neon sign that says FOR SUPER-FANS ONLY, so I'ma hold off on recommending it. Hell, I'm not sure how often I'm gonna come back to this one. It's fine! Don't take my word for it, though. I'm an unreliable source.

3) 10 Cloverfield Lane, dir. Dan Trachtenberg: That first scene after the title card is so fucking good. The set design for Mary Elizabeth Winstead's room is on point, there's this stain on the ceiling that is never explained, the way there's like two different walls, it really feels like a hovel (and that makes the reveal of the rest of the shelter so much more interesting, how the parts of the room John Goodman designed for himself are so involved and furnished and filled with love, and then MEW's room is clearly just the pit where he keeps girls), but the way it's shot in that scene is insane. They make it feel like the largest room in the world when MEW's trying to reach for her clothes and phone, and then the space tightens up COMPLETELY the second we hear John Goodman's footsteps. The suspense in that scene is palpable, and the film more or less maintains it through the entire film. (More or less. Boy, that scene where they're playing Taboo is ham-fisted! "Hu-durr, what word is woman? I know it's been established I'm pretty much a pedophile, but I also don't know the word 'woman!'") And even though the movie largely takes place in the bunker, every scene in the bunker manages to feel like it takes place somewhere different. I'm not even getting into how this is an entire movie about three people in one location in a wide-release, brand-name sci-fi film, where the stakes are almost the smallest possible: leave the house, stay alive. Even if I didn't like it, I would still defend this film, because more like it need to exist.

4) Zombies on Broadway, by Andrew McMahon in the Wilderness: Boy, there sure is a lot happening in every single second of this record! I'm sure this arena pop would play well in, y'know, an arena, but it doesn't make for the calmest listening experience. It's really hard to find the heart of these songs, to find something to which I can connect, because there's so much overgrowth through which I need to cut. Weird Chainsmokers-y electronic influence here, overdramatic Coldplay flourishes there, vocals always always at 100, it's all So Much. I know there's a lot of heart here, this is a name I have trusted since I was a kid, but this album is so disorienting, I can’t even tell where to begin looking for that heart.

5) Can You Hear Us Now? by Halocene: oh sure yeah probably a lot of merit in evaluating a six-year-old pop/punk album On the plus side, because 2011 is one of those years where I was still committed to buying music instead of paying a flat monthly fee to have everything all the time forever but also was incredibly poor, this currently ranks as one of my Top 10 albums of 2011! Congratulations! I could see 2011 Bob touting the virtues of this album, though, there's a lot of charm, a lot of potential, enough cool things happening I'd be stoked to hear a full album of Halocene originals in 2017. But yeah I'm only here to say, hey, this is one of the albums I listened to this week, but I'm not gonna go all in on a debut album from 2011 because why, like yay active listening never stop thinking and all that, but what good would putting opinions on this into the world do anyone. What good have any of our opinions done, if we're being perfectly frank. Can You Hear Us Now? is the early front-runner for the title of "Most Innocuous Thing to Send Bob! Into an Existential Tailspin" for 2017.

6) The Age of Spin, by Dave Chappelle: BOY AM I OUTTA MY DEPTH WITH THIS ONE Like I thought it was kind of unfocused, but that's to be expected, it'd been years since Chappelle had to structure an hour of stand-up. I think Chappelle knows that, at this point, the mythology surrounding him is what people want him to talk about, and he's at his best here when he follows that arrow. When he's not talking about his own celebrity, the special falls flat; bits offering social commentary don’t hit, because they're the opinions everyone expects a 40+-year-old comic who was, literally, out of touch for several years to have, and they feel perfunctory, like Chappelle knows he doesn't have anything worthwhile to say about transsexuals, but he has to say it because people expect him to comment on the state of the world in 2017. But the bits about him -- bombing so hard in Detroit it goes viral, meeting OJ Simpson, his relationship with Kevin Hart ("That was a surprise to me. He charges $125 a ticket? I only charge $80!"), reconciling what Bill Cosby means to him with who Bill Cosby is, they're so good, well worth wading through clumsy throwaway jokes. It's not Chappelle at his best, but it's Chappelle.

7) After the Party, by The Menzingers: Punk is sort of becoming the millennial country, listen I know that's a bad sentence but you see it's a sentence I thought and I need on the record all the terrible things I think so that you may paint an accurate and complete picture of who I am and I’m making myself own it, punk is the millennial country! There's a lot of dope country artists, but even the good ones are still making music about being farmers and drinking whiskey. Punk music is in this groove where there's so many bands talking about issues people might actually be going through. This album references having useless college degrees, working at a job that doesn't guarantee hours, still sitting in basements getting high in your 30s, meeting up with an old friend who got their life together and remembering a youth spent sneaking out of church, seeing the foreclosure sign outside your childhood home, it's as country as anything can be while being so about city life. It's an album about what the new working class goes through. The band is thinking The Hold Steady and Springsteen, and of course they are, but albums like this are what can help bridge the gap between the Real America crowd and those goddamned millennials.

8) Beauty & the Beast (2017), dir. Bill Condon: So like my problem with these movies is, and this is prolly just me and I'm cool with that, I get that they're wondrous experiences, but I can never stop thinking about an actor sitting in the middle of a wide expanse of green, reacting to nothing. It's one of the reasons why I stopped watching Game of Thrones despite knowing some of it is filled on location, and it's what removed me from this film, watching the "Be Our Guest" sequence and thinking "she's looking at a marker" every time they cut to Emma Watson laughing. I'm never going to understand why these films try to split CGI and live-action down the middle, but a lot of people evidently dig it, so clearly the problem is with BIG FANCY BOB, WHO LISTENS TO FILM PODCASTS AND THINKS HE CAN HAVE OPINIONS. BAD OPINION BOY, THAT'S WHAT BOB STANDS FOR. Also, for all the talk of how gay this movie was, this movie wasn't nearly gay enough. It could have been, like, three times as gay, and it still wouldn't have been gay enough, that's how straight this movie was. ("What amount of gay would've been right?") I don't know, I would have had to have been involved with the editing process, this is sort of a "say when" situation.