#also yeah im refusing to acknowledge anything else that happened in this episode or i will spiral </3

[diorstarr]

OK BUT CAN WE TALK ABOUT THE ENDING OF THAT EPISODE???????

[landonkirbyappreciation]

Hi I hope you're doing well. So I'm new to Tumblr because I want it to get on a site that doesn't have so many toxic antis on it. So far I haven't ran into any here which is a good sign and people have been really friendly which I love. But I have to say your blog and your Handon haven blog is like my new safe haven for all things Landon and Handon. I just love your gifs and thoughts.

Also I apologize if you have already answered something like this before. But ever since the start of s2 this has been on my mind. But why do people hate Landon so much? I really don't want to believe it's all because of a ship. And their reasons for hating him and saying that he's "a bad boyfriend" makes zero sense. All the reasons they have are him having basic human emotions. He gets upset when he has every right to be he's a horrible person and bad boyfriend. He goes to take a walk to avoid a fight or after a fight so that means "he's leaving her once again." I think the one I've seen the most is how back in s1 when Landon found out Hope has been lying to him about his mom. And people say "he didn't have to ask her about that right then. And he sure didn't have to walk away either." I think the only way I could agree with that is if Landon found out about hours ago and then waited until that moment to say something. But the fact is he found out only moments before hand. He was clearly hurt and upset and after finding out something like that I don't think him or anyone else could have waited at ask about that. And once he was showing basic human emotions. So it makes perfect sense that he would go take a moment for himself. But there's no doubt in my mind that if Hope actually cared about that pageant and wasn't just doing it for Lizzie, that he would have stayed even though he was upset and did the pageant with her. And the list only goes on like that, Landon shows emotions he has bad person and boyfriend. When in fact it's the exact opposite. I swear the way antis try to make Landon sound you would think there was an episode that came out that only antis got to see where Landon commits mass murder, cheats on Hope with dozen different women while drowning puppies for kicks of it.

In 3 seasons the worse thing he did was unknowingly stole a knife and then lied about it because he was scared. That's it that's the only bad thing he's done. Everything else was him doing everything he could to help while being there for Hope when no else was. Also people are so quick to say that Landon is a bad boyfriend but no one talks about the few times that Hope wasn't to best girlfriend(or they take those times and twist them to make Landon the bad guy). Like her lying to him about his mom, or her refusing to teach him how to fight because the monsters were back when that would be the perfect time for him to learn how to defend himself. Or her trying to send Landon to the prison world with Raph because the necromancer was back and planning something. Let me just say I'm not coming at Hope I love her to bits and I know her reasons for doing what she did was rooted in her fears and her not wanting Landon to get hurt. And I can understand that completely(but at the same time not really her best moments even if her heart was in the right place)and glad that at the beginning of s3 she was starting to let Landon to help and do more and not trying to put him in a cage so much(I hope I made sense with that one and that you understand what I'm trying to say with the Hope part. If not sorry). I just don't understand the Landon or Handon hate for that matter. Yes they have fights and disagreements like every other couple. But nothing that would warrant this much hate. These two love each other so much and would do anything for each other and they generally make each other better and happier. You can just see it when they're around each other and away from each other. And if im being honest they're one of the healthiest relationships in the TVDU. Okay there's so much more I could add and say. But I'm going to end this here before this ask gets way to long.

Once again sorry if you already answered something like this before. I know it could get annoying answering the same thing over again.

Hi! Thank you, I hope you’re doing well too! And that’s understandable, it’s way better here than other places, like Twitter. There can still be some hate and negativity at times, but for the most part, it’s pretty minimal. But wow, really? Aww, I’m so glad! Thank you so much!! That means a lot. ❤️

I don’t think I’ll ever understand why people hate Landon so much. I think all the hate started mostly because of ships, but has just grown from there. I also feel like people hate on him because that’s become the popular thing to do. But yeah, their reasons for hating him really don’t make any sense, there’s just no good reason to hate on him at all. Exactly, because he has feelings and has been affected by very serious things, he’s not a good person or boyfriend?? It’s so obvious that they just don’t think that Landon’s feelings matter. The times that he’s walked away were when he was really hurt, but I guess he’s not allowed to feel hurt or take care of himself? Landon isn’t one to fight, he goes to take time to calm down and to think. And it’s not like he does it all the time (despite what some people say), it’s happened a few times in extreme situations.

But yes, people have often brought up 1x14, and they don’t even try to see Landon’s side of things. People really think he should’ve waited to ask Hope? Yeah, exactly, he had just barely found out about it, how could he not have brought it up? Imagine having the kind of life that he had, where he had grown up abused and without a family or home, didn’t know who his parents were, but had that picture of Seylah and always wanted answers. He had wanted to meet her his whole life and know why she had given him up, because that affected his entire life. And then to find out that he had met her and gotten answers only to have it all wiped away? And that Hope had been lying to him about it after the issues him lying to her about the knife had caused? And how they had agreed to be honest with each other? If people can’t understand how that must have made him feel and why he was so emotional that he had to leave, and think that he should’ve just stayed at a pageant that neither him or Hope wanted to participate in, then idk what to say. And true, it’s possible if he thought Hope actually cared about the pageant that he might have forced himself to get through it. But I don’t think he should’ve been expected to either way, he was obviously very hurt and overwhelmed. He shouldn’t have had to stay when he was feeling all of that. Because it was still about his mother and his life and being lied to vs. a pageant. And Hope shouldn’t have had to stay either when she was feeling so upset and panicked too, it was Roman who convinced her to stay when she didn’t have to, which just made it worse.

And Landon’s reasons for walking away the other times were just as valid. Hope doesn’t tell him who she is for months, after he’d been struggling while she was gone, had been killing himself, and was still in love with her but didn’t know it. And then realized she’d let him be with Josie, which also might have made him question how Hope felt about him? That all must have been very shocking, but antis think he’s not allowed to be upset? Same with when he lost his brother/best friend and his powers all in one day, turning his life upside down and leaving him scared about his future with Hope. He takes time for himself in these situations and people are outraged. It’s so clear that they don’t care about his feelings at all. If he reacts to anything, even though his reactions are perfectly reasonable, they attack him. Seriously though, idk what show they’ve been watching, because they really do make him sound as if he’s done absolutely horrible things with the way they talk about him.

So true, and another reason he lied about the knife was because he felt influenced by it as well. Because he had said it was like “the knife wanted me to steal it and then it wanted me to lie.” So not even that was his fault. Exactly, he’s not done anything bad. And he’s not perfect, but he does always have good intentions and tries to do the right thing. And yep, he’s been there for Hope more than anyone too.

And I agree when it comes to Hope. I love her too, but she’s not perfect either, but no one says anything about it. They seriously do just twist everything to make Landon look bad while not acknowledging when Hope hasn’t necessarily made the best decisions. And yeah, I understand her reasons for all that she did too and that she just wanted to protect Landon. She had good intentions as well, and was also scared, so I totally get that. But some of what she’s done hasn’t always been the best for Landon, like with her lying about Seylah, or her not wanting to train Landon to fight, which would’ve been very beneficial to him (especially this last season when he was in the prison world). But yes, she has been able to handle that sort of stuff better and has let Landon do more over time, which is good. And you did make sense, I do understand what you’re saying. So I can see both Hope’s and Landon’s side of things. It just bugs me when people only ever choose to see Hope’s side while ignoring Landon’s.

Agreed, I’ll never understand the Landon or Handon hate either. And yeah, they have disagreements, but they also grow from those disagreements. Like every time they’ve had one, they talk things out and just get stronger. So it’s helped them to communicate and understand each other better and know how to move forward together. And exactly, they both make each other so happy and they bring out the best in each other. And ikr, they are one of the healthiest TVDU couples, that’s why it baffles me when people have such strong reactions when it comes to Handon, and will call them toxic, etc. Were they not around for TVD/TO? Have they not watched them? Because if they’re so bothered by such minor things with Handon, you’d think they’d explode if they saw what happened with some of the other couples from the other shows.

And it’s fine! I’ve posted about all kinds of stuff, so I may have talked about some of this before, but can’t remember tbh haha.

[fluffyglass]

THE MR. GRUMPY PLEASE STOP THREATENING MR. TICKLE'S LIFE MASTERPOST

I have lost all sense of reality

Season 1

Mr. Grumpy appears in 39 episodes of Season 2.

In 7 of these episodes does he do something wrong.

Season 2

Mr. Grumpy appears in 44 episodes of Season 2.

In 8 of these episodes does he do something wrong.

Conclusions

Mr. Grumpy does something wrong in 15 out of the 83 episodes he appears in, which is 18%. Counting my 10 unsures bumps him up to 25/83, which is 30%.

Mr. Grumpy is a super weird character to rank, as he's justifiably annoyed by pretty much everyone around him; this, however, makes me feel bad to consider him an asshole in any episode because he's beaten down by the world until he snaps. So, take everything I say here with a grain of salt.

The one thing I'll always count against him though is if he ever threatens Mr. Tickle with bodily harm because believe me he does that A LOT

Yellow - Mr. Grumpy does nothing wrong

Red - Mr. Grumpy does something wrong

Pink - idk lol

SEASON 1

Flying - Just doing his job

Music - he's just kinda there lmao

Physical - man nobody even DOES anything in the early episodes

Farm - He gets so hilariously close to saying fuck in this episode its ridiculous. Anyways he's a dick to everyone trying to help him

Lake - barely there

Beach - BIRDS STOLE HSI FUCKING SAMWICH SMH

Mall - what the fuck even was that segment

Birthday - I actually had to watch pretty much the entire episode for this one. He just wants to chill on his own the entire time and everyone else just . does not listen. Please just let him vibe

Boats - barely in it

Superstore - Threatens Mr. Tickle with bodily harm

Books - just sellin his book don't mind him

Camping - he just. cannot eat outside in peace

Science - fuck you Miss Daredevil

Fish - Blames Mr. Bump for splashing when he is . fucking dying

Paint - what the fuck even just happened. I guess he ran over Mr. Bump but it was presumably unintentional and. nsbdANSDMADF WHY ARE THEY CUBED

Construction - He was barely in it and then got fucking mauled at the end

Jobs - yep he sure is there I guess

Trains - Yeah he once again sure is there

Hobbies - he's kinda mean to Mr. Scatterbrain but he's Mr. Scatterbrain so

Fair - this show is so stupid

Dance - It's justifiable that he'd complain about the noise but like. Dude. It's a dance studio. Why am I defending Mr. Noisy again

Amusement Park - Threatens Mr. Tickle with bodily harm, then tickles him after he said he was gonna be sick :(

Adventure - almost dies

Dillydale Day - he's barely in it and all he does is insult the performance

Games - y'know how I said this show was stupid? This is another example of that but in a good way

Hotel - I had to watch this one twice cause I have no fucking idea what to do with it. Like. He's kind of a dick to everyone and barely does his actual job but like. r., what the fcl./??????? also he pushes Mr. Tickle over at some point yeah I'm counting this one

Chores - he's just chillin and then dies

Snow - this segment is fucking hilarious but that's just cause Stubborn's in it lmao anyways he's fine ig

Wildlife - just kinda there

Restaurants - this show is so stupid . again

Gardens - oh how I hate this fucking episode - forced myself to rewatch it, he doesnt do SHIT WRONG AND THESE FUCKERSSADASKDKJDFJKJKADFJKSCVCDVDJKLFKLF IM SO FUCKIGN MAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cars - Miss Sunshine is nothing but courteous the entire time and Mr. Grumpy does nothing but fucking complain is this the reckoning we get after the disaster that is Gardens

Ships - Threatens Mr. Tickle with bodily harm

Cooking - Roasts the shit out of Miss Naughty but she deserved it so it's okay

Collecting - just kinda there

Sleep - Yeahhhhh uhhh he kinda sent Mr. Strong to his "death" and didn't really. give a shit. soooooooooo oh yeah also hes kinda just mean to everyone the entire time hes just a dick

Carwash - he's trying his best also GAY ICON EPISODE

Sightseeing - yeah

The Dark - yeah again

SEASON 2

Picnics - he's just kinda there

Outer Space - again he's just kinda there

Clean Teeth - Threatens Mr. Tickle with bodily harm

Airports - He's kinda just trying to stop Mr. Stubborn from committing a copious amount of crimes

Shoes - quits a performance right in the middle for no fucking reason ?

Arts and Crafts - he's just trying his best

Game Shows - just kinda there

Garages - this show is so stupid

Toys - this show is still so stupid also Mr. Nervous said among us and I screamed

Reptiles - isn't this just Cars again? but this time he's slightly more of an asshole considering he tries to get Miss Sunshine to ignore Mr. Lazy. The only good part of this bit is Martin

Hats - Tried to get Mr. Happy to ignore the other hat contest contestants so he could win, but he does share his prize at the end, so idk man

Robots - I have absolutely no fucking clue

Up and Down - bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb

Dining Out - Threatens Mr. Tickle with bodily harm

Gifts - just kinda there

Sun and Moon - yep

Telephone - the whole fucking dillydale invaded his house wtf!!

Washing & Drying - Threatens Mr. Tickle with bodily harm

Sneezes & Hiccups - If I had a nickel for every Mr. Grumpy segment that was only funny because Mr. Stubborn was in it I'd have six nickels. I could buy a soda with that if it was 50 years ago

Fruit - Managed to be bribed with . fruit

Radio - bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb

Supermarket - i fucking hate this show I dont care enough to rewatch this one

Skyscrapers - HE STOLE MR SCATTERBRAIN'S SANDWICH SMH

Cinema - I'm so tired

Getting Around - I am still tired

Clocks - this episode is ass

Post Office - I am still, in fact, tired

Dance, Dance, Dance - I'm not tired anymore this episode bangs

Library - HE BARELY EVEN DOES ANYTHING

Pirates - I'm tired again

Goo - Threatens Mr. Tickle with bodily harm

Trains & Planes - I am going to fall asleep

Out to Sea - I am asleep. also he ignores Mr. Quiet the entire time and doesn't acknowledge Miss Scary pretty much saving his life but hhhhhhhhhhhhhhbnbnvnvbb i am too tired to care at this point

Next Door - still asleep

Lunch - zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Machines - this isn't as painfully boring as Mr. Happy was but it's pretty close

Fairies and Gnomes - NEVERMIND I FUCKING LOVE THIS EPISODE

Home Improvement - asleep again

Bath and Bubbles - still asleep

Sand and Surf - I am up to 8 nickels at this point

Parks - Mr. Grumpy is so much more boring than I rememebred AND YEP THREATENED MR TICKLE WITH BODILY HARM

Surprises - I refuse to watch this episode again

Travel - THREATENED MR TICKLE WITH BODILY HARM AGAIN

Bad Weather - and I am now once again asleep

[imma-lil-teapot]

TMNT 2003/2k3 Headcanon: Crying - (Leonardo)

Feel free to scroll past this first part if you’re not interested in my silly rambling and nonsense. I won’t mind. Promise. ;)

Okey-dokey then, with the global epidemic that is the Coronavirus well in action and most of the world stuck in lockdown (starting this Friday for us too), felt like getting the ‘ol creative juices flowing with a little headcanon-y thingy in preparation for -possibly- more fandom writings to keep myself busy during the house arrest (well... it kinda is!) and hopefully my mind off all the bad news. :( 

Also, this is totally my first one on the blog! WOOT! Please bear in mind that I’m SUPER rusty! Haven’t written in ages so there are bound to be typos and all matter of general errors scattered throughout the post. Don’t pet them! They bite!  

Anyhoo~ Despite attempting to create and share with the goal in mind to uplift spirits, I decided to start on a rather upsetting subject (PLEASE DON’T LEAVE! They end on happy notes ;) ) because, Imma just come and say it, I enjoy seeing my favourite characters shed tears (not for just any old reason -their personality plays a huge role in this- and CERTAINLY not for sadistic reasons, land sakes no! But... well, you’ll see~ ;) ) It makes me all gooey and fuzzy inside to see them display such raw emotion and I just wanna leap into the TV screen to hug and console them. I dunno why. Maybe I’m nuts like that. (Remembers Raph crying at the farm when Leo was badly injured and wishes she could just hug them all and take away the pain) Oh well, if you enjoy visualizing the same, then *High Fives*. :)

So yeah, if you read the title, you’ll know this is based on the 2003/2k3 series (my favs). Hope you all enjoy~ :D Grab tissues cause sad turts ahead! :’(

Jibber jabber stops here~

TURTLES~

LEONARDO - You are here

RAPHAEL

DONATELLO - Coming soon

MICHELANGELO - Coming soon

WARNING(S): Because of the subject, Angst and Hurt/Comfort will be present.

RATING: G (General)

WORD COUNT: Don’t have the foggiest.

ANYTHING ELSE TO ADD:

And apparently gifs too, so without further ado: (Completely unintentional but in actuality, totally intentional rhyming)...

TO THE HEADCANONS~~~~

~LEONARDO~

-- It’s no easy feat to make the leader in blue turn on the waterworks. Leo won’t cry for any old reason. It’s not because he has no emotions, far from it, but being the leader of a small ninja clan -who happen to be family as well- is no easy task in itself: he has a lot on his young shoulders and deals with many issues on a daily basis few his age ever have to.

-- It’s because of these reasons that Leo doesn’t cry often. One of the lesser likely to out of the four brothers. But when he does, it’s an emotionally distressing sight to behold. 

-- Leo tends to cry whenever those closest to him -namely his brothers, his father/master and truest friends- are severely injured or are in a dire situation. Remember his angry/moody arc? The thought of losing any of them causes him great pain and distress, especially if he were the cause of any of it, and when that happens, he can’t stop the dampness that forms around his eyes and soaks into his mask. 

-- He’s not fond of crying, especially in front of others, even though he fully comprehends its normalcy. He feels he needs to be everyone’s rock, their fortress of physical and emotional stability to turn to for strength when things get rough... So when the tears start to fall, he feels he can’t show them, can’t allow them to watch him crumble under the gripling weight of helplessness and anguish.

-- He frantically wipes at his eyes and desperately attempts not to sniffle, but it’s a hopeless battle, for his tears are already a steady stream. 

-- He’ll try to hide when possible, usually retreating to his room to allow the worst of the emotions to spill over before returning to the others... Though he may be in there a while: when Leo lets his emotions go, it can be just as powerful as his red-banded brother’s rage. 

-- He spares no time in making sure the coast is clear for the tears are already streaming by the time he reaches his futon, and there’s no stopping them now as he lets himself drop to his knees, only halfway onto the mattress. He purposefully leaves the room unlit, cloaking his form in the darkness. 

-- He sniffs a few times as he shuffles up against the wall, sitting upright against it, bringing his legs up and hugging them loosely and droops his head against a single knee pad. 

-- His voice desperately wishes to escape. To express its misery. But he won’t allow it to, often placing one hand over his face in a bid to quell the sadness and remain silent in the battle against his own inner turmoil. He refuses to let anyone see him in that state of utter sorrow and vulnerability.

-- He whimpers ever so slightly and coughs a few times as breathing becomes difficult. He knows this episode won’t be over any time soon. Fortunately, he keeps some tissues next to his bed for such rare occasions and tries not to blow too loudly. He thinks back to the last time he cried so hard... It’s been a while. It felt like a build up. 

-- Time has been forgotten as he’s lost in deep thought. By the time he slips a hand across his eyes, only the material of his mask is still slightly damp. He clears his nostrils a couple of times before considering whether he was ready to return to his family. He’d of course straighten up his bedding beforehand, and would also require a trip to the bathroom to wash his face. A true ninja leaves no evidence. 

-- Leo tries to put the horrifying images out of head before leaving his quarters. He doesn’t wish to be weighed down again and thus maybe cause his emotions to come out a second time. He knew someone would catch on that time. Instead, he holds his head up high, focusing on the there and now to carry him forward.  

BONUS EXTRA~

-- Failure is also one of his greatest foes. Leo despises it, but not in the irrational sense; he fully comprehends that in order to grow, one has to lose in order to learn and thus, succeed in turn, and while it can frustrate him when he’s unsuccessful at mastering a martial arts technique for example, he understanders it’s part of the process and that no one’s perfect. 

-- It’s when his slipups could spell casualties or death to his family and/or friends is when it weighs down on him like a boulder strapped to his shell. 

-- A really big one. 

-- And it hurts. So much so that it causes him to become despondent and often teary-eyed when no one’s looking.

-- Boi Bloo might also cry from especially sad movie scenes. He gets seriously into the story, and when the scene is just right -perfect music, perfect timing etc.- you may just catch Fearless with watery eyes. 

-- He can’t help it. After all, he’s a leader, and very caring and kind-hearted individual, so movies showing children or anyone/anything defenceless getting hurt has him not only visibly upset, but also angry at the cause. He’s a softie like that. 

-- He won’t have a meltdown, of course, but the tears are definitely there. Just don’t tease him too much; he’s easily embarrassed by it. ;) 

BONUS EXTRA EXTRA FEMALE READER OR S/O EDITION~ (Can also use an OC/FC insert if you wish, up to you)

You had figured something was up by the time you’d finished greeting everyone in the Splinterson household except for the Turtle you’d long to see most and he hadn’t made his presence yet known. 

The idea that he must’ve been practicing or meditating swiftly vanished when Mikey told you he’d been in his room in the dark for the past few hours. “The guy hardly ever naps, and even so, never this long.” He’d told you. “I dunno, (Y/N), we were about to check on ‘im when you arrived, but maybe you should be the one to. Think he’d really appreciate it.” And there was absolutely no argument from your side as you were already making your way up to the room.

You didn’t know what to expect as you neared the doorway. Could he possibly still just be sleeping? Meditating in the dark instead of his usual spot by the training area? Or... was he sick? The latter now had you concerned and you picked up your pace... Only to pause mid step when an unmistakable sound reached your ears: a sniffle.

Had it come from within his room? It was the only logical explanation as everyone else was downstairs. You were truly perturbed now as you stood outside the doorway and called out the ‘eldest’ Turtle’s name.

There was some shuffling to be heard but you were unable to tell for sure what he was doing -probably trying to neaten up his bed- “(Y/N)? Just a second, okay?” he responded in a rather awkward verging on frantic tone, and you were certain you heard another sniffle escape him. 

That, along with the way he’d replied really didn’t help to put your mind at ease. “Leo, are you alright?” Nor was the pitch blackness in which he remained concealed in.

“Yeah, just... l-looking for something.” There was some more shuffling as if to prove his point, but you were having none of it.

“Then maybe this,” you began, turning around to flick the light switch, “will help?”

“No! Wait!” But it was a split second too late for as soon the brightness illuminated the entire room, you had caught the telltale signs of an emotional meltdown in progress plastered on his face before he quickly turned away and briskly wiped an arm across his face, attempting to hide the shame... or perhaps embarrassment? 

“Leo...?” your heart and voice softened, “Hey, what’s wrong?” You automatically walked to him, closing the gap he was now trying to form. 

“Nothing,” he lied, and acknowledged it was a fruitless attempt but still couldn’t stop himself. Autopilot panic mode was enabled now. “It’s nothing.” 

Unfortunately for him, autopilot mother hen mode was activated for you as you reached with both hands to his carapace and shoulder, gently turning him to face you. “I can see that it’s something.” Your words were gentle, and you wanted nothing more than to take away his pain. “Look at me, Honey.” His body was turned but his head remained to the side. It was clear he didn’t want his obvious distress on display, even to you. “Please, Leo?” You tried again, and slowly but surely, his eyes met yours, and you felt your heart sink further.

The fabric of his mask was wet and eyes were still red with fresh tears that threatened to fall. He appeared so broken and helpless as he stared at you, and even though he uttered no words, you could practically hear him despairingly ask “Is this what you wanted? To see me at my lowest?” from his expression alone. 

Never had you witnessed the leader of this band of mutant brothers cry. At times you had wondered if he ever did, and yet here he was; the incredible pillar of strength and dignity you had come to know and adore, in tears and so dejected that you couldn’t stop your own eyes from becoming damp the more you gazed at him. “Oh, Sweety...” You whispered as you felt your soul shatter. It was too much to bear. You slowly wrapped your arms around him, one around the midsection and the other over his shoulder, and buried your face into his leathery neck, offering every ounce of comfort you could muster.

It didn’t take him long at all to sink into the embrace and return the action. Beyond the point of concerning himself with showing the pain he felt -or the wetness now soaking into your shoulder when he placed his forehead against it- he sniffed and finally allowed the tears to fall once again as fresh waves of emotion surged throughout his body.

And this time, he couldn’t keep the whimpering to himself.

“Shh~ It’s okay, it’s okay,” you soothed, lightly patting and rubbing along the scutes of his shell as he weakly sobbed, finally letting go of all the sadness that gripped him. 

You weren’t even aware of what was wrong, and you most likely wouldn’t find out til later once he calmed down, but right now, he just needed you to hold him. Hold him until the hurt was gone... And so you would. 

AND THAT’S ALL SHE WROTE!

ALL THE FEELS!! I EMBARRASS!!

OMGosh, this turned into a monster! The mother of all HCs!! :O No seriously, this wasn’t meant to be this long! I was suppose to squish all four into one itty bitty little post, but then it just grew... and grew... and GREW! Personally, I blame the Reader Bonus but I’d be damned if I didn’t enjoy writing it! ;P You guys here on Tumblr got me slightly addicted to them and have wanted to attempt some myself so... Anyhoo~ I can’t really say if I’m entirely content with the whole thing, I dunno. I feel some parts are better than others (writing style-wise) but yeah, I really need to get back into the swing of things...

Speaking of which, I DO plan on adding my two cents on the other bois as well, but judging by how this one turned out, they’ll most likely all be this length, more or less, so each Turt will get his own post so I can really jot down those details with all the freedom in the world! That being said, I can’t say when they’ll be added but hopefully soon-ish. :) Raph's next on the list!

Thank you all so much for the read and hope you enjoyed~ :D

~Drag0n Mistr3ss’ Random Fandoms*

[nighting-gale17]

3x04 thoughts

so it took me a very long time to organize my thoughts from monday’s episode. I was upset and very busy with real life and didn’t have time to get distracted, but last night i finally got my shit together and wrote this in the discord, but i felt the need to share it. I’ll probabaly have more thoughts later this week, especially after mondays episode. (ps if youve sent me an ask, im definitely working on it!!!!! i seem to be unable to make short fics so dont worry its being written)

I'm really upset with how many people are blaming buck for this. and all the fics I read are Eddie and Bobby guilt-tripping him, and admitting that bobby was right all along, and I'm really frustrated that everyone seems to be missing the god damn point of this entire thing

buck is at his breaking point 

he has said over and over through THREE SEASONS how being a firefighter is his life and he wants to help people and this entire time, through months of recovery and fighting to get back, he thought his family was right there with him. he believed his family knew he was ready to come back. he's passed every exam, every qualification, being on blood thinners is not a fucking logical reason to keep him on light duty, that would never happen in real life and they just say that for the added drama of the show.

and he finds out bobby is the reason he cant have his job back

he finds out, this whole time, he thought bobby was fighting for him against the chief and the city for him to get his job back. bc bobby has been at his side through all these months, and it's obvious how much buck appreciates that

and like buck said, it feels like he stabbed him in the back

so yeah, at this point, buck is desperate to do anything to get his job back because bobby isn't being fair or realistic. and maybe he's acting irrationally, but can you blame him? he's already said it, he feels like he is *alone* and if bobby isn't on his side, the man he looked up to as a father, then how could he expect anyone else to be on his side?

and it makes me so angry that no one is talking about the mistakes bobby is making as well. he's too concerned about buck, which I appreciate, but he's projecting himself and his own experiences on buck and he's not able to separate the two. he's not realizing that buck isn't him, buck isn't making the same mistakes he did, partially due to bobbys due diligence during his recovery. but now, buck is fine and bobby refuses to see it. for whatever reason, be it his own trauma from his own mistakes, his concern has made him blind to the point he cant even see that what he is doing is hurting buck more than helping him

and thats another thing! i know hes coming from a good place, but he cant seem to see all of this holding buck back until hes “ready” (which is another rant altogether) is doing more harm than good for both bucks physical and mental health. and he doesn't realize that keeping him from his job is keeping him from his family. like bobby said earlier in the season, buck has them. he might not have his job, or family outside of it, but he doesn't need it because he has the 118.

im just so angry that no one seems to acknowledge that yeah, buck is hurting and being irrational bc hes upset and lost and feeling alone against the world, but bobby is also being irrational and making mistakes as well and being blinded by his own trauma and experiences and mistakes

they're both being ridiculous, but im just so angry everyone seems to be placing all the blame and guilt on buck and no one is acknowledging the hand bobby has had in all of this as well.

[thekintsugikids]

ok so i KNOW this is dumb but i need to rant.

so i watched the new riverdale (which is probably more than enough of a reason for any of you to not read this and trust me—i understand). and ho. ly. shit. i have genuinely NEVER been so mad at a tv show in my whole fucking life.

i’ll admit here and now that i still watch riverdale, because i am unwaveringly stubborn and i’m seeing this shit show through to the end. so things that seem, from a surface level, pretty genuine, anger me more than they should because i know the context of this bullshit. which means that, if you’re reading this, you’ll have to hear all of that shit so i can fully explain my anger.

so the episode is like. almost entirely based around the high school’s guidance counselor (who everyone is conveniently going to for therapy, even a character who goes to another school, but i can’t even be mad at riverdale for using a shitty mcguffin like that. it should be expected) where all the kids talk about their fucked up lives. that’s cool, i can accept that. riverdale does some dumb shit, but if they’d just done a psychological deep dive into their characters after all the trauma they’ve been through over the course of two and a half years? sure. I’ll bite. but this is riverdale, a show that somehow seems to be written by teenage interns who have never written a script in their life and 40-somethings who have never met real teens in their lives, so that’s not what we got. no, what we did get was this shitty school counselor listening to the characters unload genuine emotional trauma about their parents, and hear the counselor basically say, “they’re just trying to protect you.”

now allow me to explain why that is absolute fucking bullshit.

Betty’s mom forced herself into her daughter’s counseling session, because Alice ran to the high school guidance counselor to ask how she should deal with her daughter being sexually actively—which already, big fucking yikes. after a couple of minutes of back and forth about how Betty is being denied by her dream college because she’s having sex and irresponsibly disregarding her future in doing so (which again, huge red flag but let’s put that on the back burner for like two seconds). the counselor decides that they should do a joint session to work some shit out. ok. fine. whatever. moving on.

Betty says her mom lying to her whole life impacted her negatively. which yeah, that actually makes sense. in less than two years her mother went undercover with the fbi and joined a cult, without telling her own child that she at least didn’t believe in what the cult preached, gave away all the money she had saved for college to said cult, and was working with her half brother who Betty believed was dead (this is riverdale it’s a lot to unpack and i don’t blame you if you stop here bc ive been watching this show since 2017 and im still confused when i read that). she also had Betty’s sister committed to the sisters of quiet mercy, which is basically a disciplinary school for literally anything and everything under the sun (pregnant teenagers, mentally ill children, and conversion therapy are a few things we’ve seen it used for), and didn’t tell Betty that her sister was there, or that she was pregnant. her parents let her believe that her sister was a drug addict in rehab, because that was better than anyone knowing their daughter was pregnant, and then ofc that Alice reads her diary because she refuses to let her daughter have any semblance of privacy. keep in mind, this whole episode started with Alice opening Betty’s mail, seeing that she didn’t get accepted to Yale, and telling her that she searched her room to see “what could be distracting her from her future” (and then gets mad at her for having birth control). her mother says, “I just wanted to protect you.” okay, fine. whatever, that’s total bullshit, but fine.

but then!!! she has a breakdown about how she wants Betty to be better and she’s scared of her growing up and she just wants her to be safe which. ok. ok. ok. shut up. she’s said this EVERY. SEASON. OF THE SHOW. how many times can she say the exact same thing and never learn from it? but Betty isn’t having that shit, she’s been dealing w this shit for so long and she’s done, right? she’s growing up, and her mom would have to be incredibly naive to think that she could just stop that, especially when they are living w her bf’s family. like yeah, they live together. they share a room. they’re teenagers, they’re gonna have sex. who. fucking. cares. her mom then tells Betty that it’s because she’s her favorite child, which........Yikes. and the scene ends.

the weird thing is like.....we’re meant to sympathize with Alice??? after everything she has done—much of which i didn’t touch on—because.............Betty’s her favorite child?????? that’s???????? SUPPOSED TO JUSTIFY THE THINGS SHE DOES?????????? no no no NO what the fuck is THAT manipulative bullshit?? what the fuck. i can’t even think of anything else to say about that, what the actual fuck.

but the real kicker ooooooooh bitch. it’s the end of the episode, with Jughead. many other things happen between the Betty’s session and Jughead’s, but they don’t necessarily fit into what I’m trying to say so I won’t be talking about it. but holy shit the things she said to Jughead? for context, Jughead’s father is an abusive piece of shit. he has gotten violent with his own son, threatened him, abandoned him for his gang when the rest of their family moved out of state to get away from him (Jughead’s dad), and he is an alcoholic who did things like getting drunk at Jughead’s 15th birthday party, and that’s just the cliff notes version. basically he’s a grade-a abusive asshole, which is a field i am well-versed in.

FP, Jughead’s father, says that his father was an abusive drunk, so obvs the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. one of the the biggest issues with this show, though, is that they refuse to acknowledge that FP himself is abusive. like, even writers of the show have said that he is not abusive, even saying that viewers were ignorant to believe that he is (and as someone with an abusive father, first of all, fuck you). and Jughead is on a mission this entire season to prove that his grandfather was some great writer or whatever and his work was stolen from him.

now, how exactly does any of that relate to the discussion at hand?, you might be asking. well he’s at riverdale high to get his transcripts or whatever bc he’s at a new school and they’re all assholes (no, im not going into further explanation of that because there is way too much to unpack). so he’s w the guidance counselor, they talk about it and she has the fucking gall to say, “but think about how your father must feel about all of this???” which, okay, i see where she might be coming from. FP was abused by his dad. but Jughead is also abused by FP, so why the fuck should he worry about whether or not he’s hurting his father? FP irreparably damaged Jughead—I promise you all that being homeless, being hit and threatened by your father, being abandoned by your entire family? that’s not shit you can repair. you don’t just fix that shit. that stays with you.

the counselor tells Jughead that he should be proud of the man his father worked to become (like he isn’t still horrible to Jughead????? for example, forcing him to go to a school that he does not want to go to because it makes their family look better??? ok), she says FP is just supporting his son. and the real kicker—she says, “and you repay him by going on this quest to prove that the man that caused him immeasurable pain is some kind of wronged hero? how do you think that makes him feel?” (that is the quote verbatim, by the way. that is what she says so Jughead)

like FP has earned something from Jughead. like Jughead is in the wrong for not wanting his name to be seen as a joke. no, this is how you repay him for everything he did for you. FP abused his son. it’s literally that fucking simple. and Jughead didn’t even want to talk to this lady, she forced him into the conversation while he waited for fucking transcripts so he could apply to colleges. and we, the audience, are supposed to be on the counselor’s side. we’re supposed to say “yeah Jughead, look at everything your dad has done for you! he loves you!!”

Jughead even says it himself. “My poor dad. I’m so selfish.” like his dad deserves his respect. like he earned Jughead’s respect. like FP deserves a single goddamn thing from his son.

keep in mind, this is a show that’s biggest demographic is people under 20 and they are basically telling their audience that their parent’s abuse is just because they’re “protective” or because they’re “trying to help them.” guess what, that’s not fucking true. if your parent, or ANYONE, is abusing you, it is because they are fucked up. it is not because they love you, it’s not because they “want what’s best for you.” and how dare anyone, let alone fucking Riverdale, try to tell me that it is. no, as someone with an abusive father, i fucking promise you, this shit is not out of love. abuse is not love. and fuck Riverdale for trying to tell me that it is.

[preservationandruin]

Part Four: Storm’s Illumination

Update! I downloaded the nook app, killed my phone’s storage, and have accepted that reading too much on this will fry my already-bad eyes. 

But, on the plus side, I can read more WoK. 

Point of views back out to be Dalinar, Kaladin, Adolin, and Navani for this section. Featuring Dalinar deciding not to do a stupid thing but to keep trusting Sadeas, the fact that Dalinar isn’t hallucinating, Kaladin learning about his powers, and Dalinar and Navani finally smooching. Also, this is really fucking long, my apologies. 

We start seeing the epigraphs be death rattles again. Meanwhile, Adolin has realized that trying to get his father to see that he’s going mad has resulted in Dalinar deciding to abdicate in favor of Adolin--which is not what Adolin wanted at all. You done fucked up, Adolin. 

Dalinar has another vision, where he sees the Recreance--the Shardbearers giving up their swords. Interestingly, he also feels the hurt and betrayal of the spren: “A terrible feeling struck him. A sense of immense tragedy, of pain and betrayal. [...] What was happening? What was that dreadful feeling, that screaming he swore he could almost hear?” Also, the blades were glowing, but they dimmed and dimmed over time--the spren dying. Yikes. 

So there’s a big hint as to what the Shards actually are. And one of the Radiants--probably Tanavast taking their shape, although it’s hard to tell and it could be a former Bondsmith or something--tells Dalinar that the Night of Sorrows, True Desolation, and Everstorm are coming, and to read the book and “unite them.” 

Ren’s also having either a panic attack or an epileptic moment--all Dalinar classes it as is “an episode of weakness” but he’s pale, his legs are shaking, and he immediately sits down and rests his head in his hands. 

...I wonder when Renarin started awakening his powers, as a note. Also Renarin accepts the Old Magic as existing easily, while Adolin claims it’s a myth (Dalinar shuts that down). 

Adolin and Dalinar start fighting about whether or not Dalinar should step down and Renarin interrupts with “uh...guys...we could, like test to see if the visions are legitimate or not??” and both of them are like “?????” 

So they decide to have Navani write down the visions as Dalinar sees them, because they know they can trust her and their first choice--Jasnah--isn’t there. 

“The visions had told him to trust Sadeas” DALINAR NO

Navani is going out of her way to help Adolin with his flirting attempts she’s such a good aunt I love her. Also it gets him out of the room so Navani and Dalinar can talk privately. 

Navani tries yet again to convince Dalinar they can be together but Dalinar is a bit too tired and confused and uncertain to be able to do this right now, which she recognizes and does leave.

Back to Bridge Four!!! They’re on another bridge run, and Dunny dies--hit by two arrows and trampled by horses. Moash has to pin Kaladin down to stop him from running out after the kid which, thank god Kaladin has some people who are willing to act as his self-preservation. And so instead of helping Dunny, he goes around and tries to heal Bridgemen from other crews. 

Kaladin is too good and pure. He’s just furious that nobody cares about the dead Bridgemen. 

Kaladin runs off of righteous anger and like, coffee, probably. 

Anyway he fucking tears the Bridge Four gang a new one when they refuse to help someone from another bridge because people from other bridges were mean to them--and in the process states that his father was the only man with honor that he ever knew. 

Listen, this is why Kaladin is dangerous--he cares about everyone, that makes them surprised and grateful, especially on the bridge teams where nobody gives a shit about anybody, and then they become slightly more loyal to him. And then suddenly he has like, an army of loyal people. 

He’s such a hufflepuff. 

Also Teft is dropping the world’s least subtle clues here like “wooow its so weird we keep not getting hit....funny that that happens when you run point...just keep carrying lit spheres with you......they’re good luck....oh they went dun again wow that’s so strange kaladin” 

Meanwhile, Kaladin’s own grazed arrow wound is completely gone, and he’s getting a little freaked out. 

Another death rattle: “the burdens of nine become mine. Why must I carry the madness of them all? Oh, Almighty, release me.” This is absolutely Taln (or, uh, whichever of them is the one who was left behind). 

Dalinar’s at a feast again, and Wit isn’t there--Dalinar notes it’s probably because he doesn’t want to become predictable. Also Dalinar notes that noblewomen competing to draw the same person has the same social function as duels between noblemen, although they don’t use the same word. Wit does show up, just casually sitting next to Dalinar--and Dalinar notes that Adolin’s judgement of Wit was more accurate than his was. 

I gotta say, Adolin is hella perceptive. I’ve said it before, I know, but he’s a smart kid. 

Wit quietly--and accurately--depicts the relation between Dalinar and Sadeas:  “The foolishness of men who care, Dalinar, and the brilliance of those who do not. The second depend on the first--but also exploit the first--while the first misunderstand the second, hoping that the second are more like the first.” 

Also Wit ponders if you can pull a person apart and put him back together into something else “Like a Dysian Aimian” (but also, unsaid, like a Radiant.) This whole conversation is Wit trying to gauge exactly how much Dalinar knows--possibly because Wit doesn’t know exactly what Tanavast is telling Dalinar. Interesting. 

Sadeas is going to pull Some Bullshit (as always) and Elhokar is getting more and more paranoid, so all of that is interesting. 

Dalinar voice: Sadeas is going to cause Bullshit re: the investigation so I’m just going to go up and ask him about it. 

I’m not sure if this is a good or a bad idea but regardless it’s going to possibly throw Sadeas off. Unfortunately, Sadeas’ plan is to lull Dalinar into a false sense of security--claiming the most likely suspect is someone who dislikes Dalinar. 

Adolin cannot fucking believe that Sadeas is exonerating Dalinar (which, again, Adolin should stick to his intuition that Sadeas is a sneaky bastard). So Dalinar and Sadeas start plans to ally, which of course GOES HORRIBLY WRONG DALINAR DON’T TRUST SADEAS. 

Skar, about Amaram: Were you with him when he won his shards? Kaladin, quietly, but with great internal salt: No. Nobody was. 

BECAUSE AMARAM DIDN’T FUCKING WIN ANY SHARDS HE STOLE THEM LIKE A FUCKING ASSHOLE I HATE AMARAM SO MUCH

Rock: You can’t fucking swallow a broam Moash: I bet I can Kaladin: Don’t do that, because if you do that, you will die

Kaladin as Bridge Four’s tired Team Mom is very real

Also Moash is still showing signs of wanting to go too far--a la “we could just take everything” until Kaladin shuts that down for being stupid and likely to get them caught. Moash isn’t a tactical thinker. 

Also Kal baits Rock into revealing that he can use a bow and arrow. 

Rock: that shot is nearly impossible

Rock: effortlessly makes the shot

Dalinar is trying to figure out Parshendi gender. “The clean-shaven ones didn’t have much in the way of breasts” weLL IM PRETTY SURE THEYRE NOT MAMMALS so THANK GOD. But Dalinar has noticed that the fighting pairs are usually a man and a woman, and also wonders why in six years of fighting nobody thought to investigate what gender their opponents were. 

I mean, honestly, given how much we depersonalize our enemies, I can believe that. 

And Dalinar’s having problems with the Thrill again. Notably, it doesn’t make him a less effective fighter--it just cuts off the bloodlust and glee. 

Dalinar literally saves Sadeas’ fucking life and later in the book Sadeas repays him by leaving him and Adolin to die. 

To quote a D&D show I watch, SOME PEOPLE HAVE NO SENSE OF FUCKING HONOR. 

Descriptions of the thrill remain disturbingly...sexual, almost. At least in the sense that the vocabulary we have to describe a visceral glee and desire tends to be reminiscent of sexual language. (”He nearly choked on it, the joy, the pleasure, the desire. The danger.”)

Sadeas: tonight, all of my soldiers will feast as if they were lighteyes Me, full of salt: BET THAT DOESN’T INCLUDE THE BRIDGEMEN YOU COLOSSAL ASSHOLE

Another bridgeman has died and Kaladin is not taking it well. Gaz didn’t come to the bridge run--he might have deserted by this point. Kaladin also notices that the Parshendi revere their dead. Kal also still doesn’t believe that Dalinar is as good as people say he is. 

And Teft just got Kaladin to inhale stormlight and use it instinctively, leading to him glowing. Kaladin is lowkey freaking out about having the powers of the Radiants. 

Kaladin and Hoid are interacting for the first time and it’s great. We also get the story of a group of people who would kill any who did something wrong because the emperor wouldn’t tolerate it, and then discovered the emperor was dead all along and had to live with the guilt of knowing that those murders were on their hands, not the emperor’s. 

...which could be a metaphor for all of Vorinism learning that Honor is dead. Or not. As with most things with Hoid, it’s very ambiguous. Also, Syl doesn’t like Hoid, which is understandable. I can see an Honorspren thinking he was strange and wrong. 

Kaladin, thinking, also realizes that his “Emperor” is the apathy--the belief that he can’t change anything. He holds onto that instead of looking for other reasons things could be happening, or acknowledging that he can change things. 

And so he decides to actually start working with and using his powers. 

Honestly from the point of anyone else this story is lowkey ridiculous like “yeah a slave turned out to be a new radiant and so his team of bridgerunners helped him train in the chasms and literally nobody noticed, really” in-universe it makes sense because nobody pays attention to the bridgemen but still you have someone who CAN FLY

A death rattle mentions “Re-Shephir, the Midnight Mother, giving birth to abominations with her essence, so dark, so terrible, so consuming.” Another of the unmade? Hard to tell. 

Adolin is talking to Jakamav, who I unfortunately can only ever see as a fratbro. On the other hand, that’s not an inaccurate interpretation. Adolin is also casually Judging other people’s fashion choices someone let this boy dress in the pretty clothes he wants to dress in instead of his uniform

Also Adolin is grumbling about how other people always want dark hair, which he thinks is stupid. He also claims he forgot that Humility existed, which is probably true. 

Also Jakamav’s girlfriend insulted Dalinar and Adolin is just. ready to FIGHT. 

“Adolin liked to be familiar with a large number of people, but not terribly close with any of them.” That’s just interesting. He’s only really close with his family, especially Renarin, at this point. 

Also, Adolin starts to see the purpose behind the Codes--he starts to see that it’s not just about pure practicality, but also about treating war and the death that comes with it with a measure of seriousness, and also giving people commanders they can trust. It’s about the importance of symbols. 

Dalinar is reciting the Way of Kings to Sadeas and Elhokar, who don’t really get it. We also get “all save the Heralds themselves must dine with the Nightwatcher,” implying that she’s seen as some sort of death entity. 

Also, Dalinar is me:  “And you have this entire passage memorized?”  “I likely got a few of the words wrong”  “Knowing you, that means you might have forgotten a singled “an’ or ‘the.”  Also Sadeas does give Dalinar the honest advice that literally nobody else naturally talks like him, so other people assume he’s putting it on as a self-righteous act (...again, Dalinar, I feel you on that one.) 

Dalinar is staring at Navani again. And Sadeas is judging people’s fashion sense now. 

Time for Adolin to crush it in the duelling ring. Also the line “And so Adolin--in a moderately subtle move” is killing me like. Welp. It was moderately subtle which is the best we can expect from him. Anyway, Adolin obviously just annihilates his opponent, because Adolin is incredible. 

“They’re trying to kill me,” Elhokar said softly, huddling down in his armor. “They’ll see me dead, like my father.”   Highprinces: Look we made a strong king Me: Look at what you did to him! he has anxiety!!!

I retain a soft spot for Elhokar. And he mentions seeing “Symbols, twisted, inhuman” in mirrors--sounds a lot like Cryptics. I almost wrote Cryptids. Wonderful. And Elhokar and Sadeas bully Dalinar into using Sadeas’ fast and costly bridges--which Kaladin later takes as a sign of Dalinar not having as much honor as people say, if I remember right. 

Also, Dalinar’s opinion on fights: “When you won, it was always better to win quickly and with extreme advantage.” Amen to that. 

Kal’s trying to intentionally inhale stormlight now. And we get Teft’s explanation of the Words, which i like, although one of them is pretty much word-for-word “Dying is easy, young man, living is harder” from Hamilton. 

And now, Bridge Four is being put on Bridge duty every single day, which is just the brightlords flat-up wanting them killed. “Consider it an...honor” they say, and Kaladin has to stop himself from swearing. He also learns that he has to inhale the Stormlight in, he can’t just...will it inside of him. 

And Kaladin forms the “parshendi carapace” idea to protect them. We also get some examination of Kaladin’s agnosticism. 

Also he tried to walk on a wall and fell on his ass, nice going Kaladin. 

But he’s getting the hang of having a lot of power and exploiting that to smuggle things out of the chasms. Including surviving a 40-foot fall. 

Back to Dalinar and Adolin, Dalinar has decided not to abdicate. Navani is also the one most aware of Elhokar’s weakness, while Dalinar still denies it. Also, Renarin is fascinated by Navani’s fabrials. So am I--fabrials are really cool. 

And Dalinar is talking with Nohadon in his vision. Also, Navani realizes he’s speaking, instead of gibberish, an ancient dialect of the Dawnchant. Which Dalinar doesn’t know, and thus can’t have hallucinated--the visions are genuine. 

Navani is realizing she might have just figured out how to translate the Dawnchant, which is also incredible. 

Navani and Dalinar are, yet again, alone, and Dalinar is even like “Navani you’re doing it again” and Navani is just like. yep. you caught me. Also she explains that being the old queen basically means she’s placeless in the world and everyone only sees her as the wife of a dead man, and she’s furious seeing it from Dalinar as well, who knew her even before Gavilar did. 

And so Dalinar kisses her because of course he does. There are even passionspren. And then she starts talking business and important things but Dal is also like, distracted because holy shit she’s so pretty aaaaa which, is, relateable, i too cannot function around pretty people. 

Also, multiple notes that the marriage between Gavilar and Navani might not have been the best--Navani notes she had reason to be unfaithful even though she wasn’t, and starts saying something that Dalinar cuts off. 

Also Navani is very smug about the fact that Dalinar kissed her first. Dalinar tries to claim that he was seduced. “What? Seduced?” She glanced back at him. “ Dalinar, I’ve never been more open and honest in my life.”  “I know,” Dalinar said, smiling. “That was the seductive part.” 

This is such a Good Ship

Anyway back with the bridgemen Moash just wants to flat-up attack Sadeas’ army and Kaladin is like. Nope. No. If we do that we will die. 

Yep, Dal is using the bridges again. I can’t remember if this is the time with the Tower or not. I’m on around the 900th page, so maybe? 

“a one-armed herdazian is still twice as useful as a nobrained Alethi. Plus, so long as I’ve got one hand, I can still do this” and then Lopen just flips off the army i love him. 

Also a soldier tries to take their water and Kal is ready to fight them. The soldier is like I don’t want to wait for our water crews and Kaladins like wow that’s too bad for you, and the soldier looks like he’s going to hit him and the entire fucking Bridge 4 gang forms up like buddy, if you punch Kaladin we’re going to have a Problem. 

The soldiers who aren’t assholes are even like, nice. 

Kaladin voice: oh god i hope they don’t notice that was a spear fighting formation WHOOPS And its time for operation Parshendi Armor. 

So everyone targets Kaladin, who can fucking dodge shit and surgebind, and not the bridges. Booyeah. All of bridge four is now yelling at him because of course they are. Matal, who is in charge of the bridges, threatens to have Kaladin strung up and Kaladin’s like yeah bc that worked so well for you guys last time. 

And Dalinar noticed that Parshendi archers were targeting Kaladin’s group and went in to save them. Dalinar is Good. And he even raised his Blade to salute Kaladin. So this time wasn’t the Tower, but that’s got to be the next full Bridge run we get. We’re close, now. 

Although Shen took this badly. Of course--these are the bodies of his people. But at the same time, Kaladin literally needs to do this to keep them all alive. All the choices here are bad, but this was the least bad. Kaladin also is trying to work out the logistics of leaving, realizing that staying is untenable, but leaving is impossible. Somehow they discount the possibility “Dalinar Kholin recruits you as a personal guard after you save his life.” 

Anyway Dalinar and Navani are now a thing. Their guards and clerks are starting to get a bit confused at how much time they spend together. And more discussion of Shshsh, who I hope we get the story of next book. God, I hope she’s not just one more fridged woman for male pain. 

Dalinar: how will we explain this to Elhokar??? Dalinar at the end of the book: yes i am fucking your mother goodbye 

...I still blame/thank Jazz for making me incapable of taking that scene seriously. 

Oh man, horns just sounded for a chasmfiend on the Tower HERE IT IS.  Kaladin, Dalinar, and Adolin are all getting ready for it, and the rate of my habitual leg-jiggle stim has like, doubled. Wonderful. 

And we also see Sadeas planning--trying to get Dalinar to commit most of his forces and leave behind his bridge crews. That sneaky bastard. Also Sadeas claims credit for the armored bridgemen idea. That dick. 

I’m gonna cut it here. I have a feeling I’ll scream a hell of a lot about the Tower. 

[emperor-nasch]

On Why I Left the YGO Fandom

I was going to put this under a cut, but read more’s never do what they’re supposed to do on my page, so I’m forced to leave it as-is if I want to post it at all. Apologies in advance because it’s a very, veeeery long post and contains abusive experience and behaviors. And the url of my abuser (I left his accomplice out because she’s a fucking whiny bitch and would manage to yet again verbally attack me for once again putting this fat fuck’s name out there as an abuser).

Also, please don’t reblog. If you have something to say, reply or ask/im me.

So, as promised, I finally got my thoughts collected and I guess?? Somewhat organized?? On what’s been plaguing me for several months now. I know I’m basically beating a dead horse because, by now, I should be over this (because god forbid something happen to me that actually affected me long-term, I’m just being dramatic for attention, right?) but this is something I feel needs to be addressed, for my own peace of mind. So, no better time than the present I suppose.

It’s probably far from obvious, but I’ve been part of the ygo fandom for a decent while - 2011-ish? I watched the original as a kid, but was reintroduced by my now-ex through the abridged series. Along the way I’ve been blessed to meet some fantastic people, no doubt. People I wish didn’t have to see this kind of bullshit coming from me. But some of those people turned out to be…anything but fantastic.

I’m tired of not naming names, out of fear of being accused yet again of starting a witch hunt (since apparently that’s something people reaaaallly like to do these days whenever you have a problem with a nasty creep they consider their best bud and refuse to hear your side of the story) but it’s to the point where I really don’t care what happens. I’m not popular in the fandom, so it isn’t like what I say matters.

There are two-faced, evil people in this fandom and all I wanted (and still want) to do is protect others from ending up in the same situations that I found myself in.

I’m the victim of two long years of mental/emotional abuse and manipulation. My abuser is someone a lot of people probably know of, if not know well, especially those of you from the Chicago area part of the fandom. He does (or did, idk now that it’s airing Wednesdays) livestreams of new episodes. He is an enormous, loud-mouthed pervert and not-yet-convicted pedophile. He enjoys reading, writing, defending, and sharing child porn. He is narcissistic, so deeply in love with pleasuring himself (both literally and figuratively) and taking nobody’s wants and needs into consideration but his own. He is a chronic gaslighter. He fetishizes wlw and objectifies women in general (like any typical misogynistic slob). He think no means yes, and “stay away from me, I don’t want to talk to you” means “please keep trying to contact me, I actually do want to talk, I’m just being silly uwu.” He is someone whose actions have been defended by people who think “he’s just dense” instead of an abuser. His actions and the actions of those who love and adore him are ignored or justified by people who are obviously as like-minded as he is. And he hides behind the ruse of being an all out card game whiz and aficionado so people will never know what he does behind closed doors.

He goes by voices/of/chaos (slashes on purpose, btw), and I know it’s going to either be a surprise or sound like a lie because of how well liked he is here.

Primarily, he’s the reason I’ve made this choice. Him and the people who, despite knowing the kind of shit he’s done to me, still refuse to acknowledge him as the abuser that he is and choose to stand by him and support his actions. The same people are people I thought - and really, truly had hoped - were my friends, people I poured my heart and soul into and let my faith rest upon. Instead, I was given that trust back and basically told to choke on it.

It started when I’d asked to be part of the ygo panel he runs at acen. I thought it would be fitting, with how passionate I was at the time about the latter spinoffs and about things in general. However, I was told flat-out that I was “not good enough” to be on HIS panel because of my biases toward certain series and dislike of others (biases and dislikes he and I shared, mind you). Basically, because I’ve never seen gx and don’t like dm, my knowledge base was not adequate to host a panel. Yet, his gf, who now hates ygo and is stongly biased about certain series (like me), who sits up there pouting, angry, drunk (she was last year, anyway) in complete and utter silence, is definitely qualified for the job. Ok. Sure. That sounds about right. He refused to see how ridiculous the situation was (he was told this by more than just me, for the record) and instead accused me of only wanting a discounted badge - “I can’t give discounted badges to just anyone” emphasis on anyone. That was a low-fucking-blow and was the single thing that made it impossible for me to ever forgive him.

Of course, that was a more recent issue. Going back to the start, our friendship started off with me being almost duped into a poly relationship without my consent or knowledge. I was told they were breaking up and that she knew about it. I was told it was ok. That she was ok with it. What I wasn’t told was that no, they weren’t breaking up, she didn’t know what he was doing, and that his plans were to date me while he dated -and lived with- her. I didn’t find out any of that until way after the fact. To top it off, he went behind her back to try to accomplish this (she was on vacation at the time). I was then blamed for their relationship problems (that existed years before me), for making her hate ygo, for ruining their relationship, and so on and so on. He made sure to tell me this constantly, telling me my name was a ‘trigger’ for her. So now I’m a homewrecking bitch for ruining their 7+ year relationship.

And despite all of this, he actually fantasized (his words exactly, I shit you not) about me and his gf bonding over our ‘hate’ towards him. Like, excuse me? Back the fuck up mate.

If I had a nickel for every time he told me how “important” I was to him, I’d have millions in the bank. But for as much as I was told I was important, I never actually believed him. Our friendship was kept a secret online. No interactions on any social media, up until the end where he got very childish and asinine about it, and then those were only meant to shut me up. I’d asked hundreds of times to at least be tagged in things, at least mentioned half as much as he talked about the other girls in his life. He never listened. I continued to be a secret.

When confronting him on my feelings (because he only ever talked about his feelings) I was always met with rage, destructive anger, denial, unnecessary profanities being hurled my way, utter disrespect. One can only take that shit for so long. Being told how you changed someone’s life for the better in one breath, then being shit on and screamed at and told you’re not good enough in the next, being kept a secret, being denied any sort of important places or duties that he bestowed upon his other girls.

In the end, I was told I was making it all up. “I don’t know where the fuck you’re getting this.” “You must be messed up in the head.” I was told I just hated him and wanted him to suffer. Everything that went wrong became my fault and my fault alone. Actions once considered ‘gross’ and ‘awful’ by someone I considered a friend were now just a result of him being dense. DENSE. Because knowingly fucking with my head, saying I’m messed up in the head, yeah that’s just the density speaking. How didn’t I think of that before??!!

This friend put herself between us, on her own accord, then acted as if I asked her to do it. She claimed she didn’t want to speak to either of us for a while. Of course that actually meant just me because she had no problem joining him for the stupid movie that came out in January or being up his ass on the chat that Sunday. Sure, the movie was pre-planned, but at least try not to make it obvious you’re only upset at me by making sure he’s in the pictures you posted.

I was told I upset her because I ‘guilt-tripped’ her with fears of abandonment. My hands were slapped for daring to upset her, but when I mentioned how bullshit it was to see her out having a good ol’ time with the fat fuck, my concerns were passed off as nothing. As always, my needs and concerns must be pushed aside for everyone else’s.

When I finally got sick and fucking tired of him, I asked him to leave me along and to not speak to me, ever again. Funny, that was followed up by half a dozen messages all lovey-dovey (and passive-aggressive, toward the end). I thought he would have stopped after I didn’t answer the first few. But his persistence (or should I say d e n s i t y ) was incredible. Each message got sappier and sappier. The last one, though, was bitter and angry, after I once again told him to leave me alone for good. “I thought talking to me would be better than talking to no one.”

A few weeks go by. I begin to tell my story. Tell what happened. I’m accused of starting a witch hunt by someone who once tried to help me. She threatened to leave the chat - which stirred the pot big time, everyone freaked out. I threatened to leave, no one gave a fuck. So, yet again, I was made out to be the big bad guy because I upset the ygo princess by talking about the guy who abused me to the point of exhaustion. I didn’t threaten him. I didn’t ask people to go out and attack him. I was simply sharing my experiences with people who genuinely wanted to know what had happened. All it took was one wailing princess to change everyone’s demeanor.

So I did what I should’ve done after this all happened in the first place - I left. Told everyone they could have their safe space back that I was accused of ruining. And ever since, I really haven’t been too emotionally invested in anything ygo.

These people took something that once felt like a niche I belonged in, and made it hostile and unwelcoming. They say the ygo fandom is a fandom full of mentally ill people who are finding solace in something wonderful. For a while, I believed that. I know better now.

For every person that is genuine in that fandom, there’s ten others who are shitty, who make other fans fucking miserable. I was abused, my spirit beaten and broken, and all I got was several kicks in the ass and everyone turning their heads away from it all. This fandom is toxic. This fandom is littered with people who manipulate and abuse and puke their social justice bullshit over something that’s supposed to be enjoyable. It’s a fandom where popular people are exempt from being called out on shitty behavior. Where if you have enough followers, enough of a fanbase, you’re immortal. I can’t change that. The only thing I can do is remove myself and go somewhere that I consider a safe space. And this fandom isn’t it.

There are…exceptions, of course. Those characters I fell in love with prior to this shit hitting the fan are characters that will forever mean the world to me. Characters who I don’t have to associate with these people. I’m pretty sure there’s only one, but one is enough. He’s been my safe space, my heaven, the one thing that for six years hasn’t changed and has always been there for me.

But the rest? Y’all can have it. I don’t want any part of it anymore. All thanks to two rotten ass people who can’t even admit to their own wrongdoings.

As a final note to those of you who I continue to follow here, I promise you aren’t the ones at fault. If anything, you’re the ones who have kept me grounded. I’m going to continue following you guys regardless of my feelings toward the fandom. Thank you for being decent human beings. I couldn’t ask any more of you.