#also yes at some point the soldiers move into rens apartment (well get a new place together because there's five of them now)

[indigo-flightly-falls]

got thinking about Seasons!Dogwarts and Christmas and just

what if the gods don't really celebrate holidays because they go by so quickly, so while the soldiers know of Christmas they've never really celebrated it before.

what if they just have a simple little party at Ren's (it's theirs, now) place. what if they just scrambled together for little gifts to give to each other. what if Ren carefully picked out everything he got to make sure the soldiers loved them and knew he loved them. what if they sung Christmas carols and realized exactly what the lyrics meant half way though and how they were singing about a holiday of togetherness. what if Etho, so famous for not liking holidays, realizes during the dinner that night that they can love a holiday that is widely celebrated. what if BigB realizes that despite all the arguments and jokes he actually loves parts of winter.

thinking about Ren trying his best to cook dinner, only for Martyn and Etho to step in to help. Thinking about BigB having a running commentary during any Christmas movies they watch. thinking about Skizz having a notebook dedicated to thinking of gift ideas

Was that the first time they truly realized that this place was theirs? yeah sure they had moved in, but when did it become theirs instead of Ren's? was it instant or did it take until the holiday of togetherness and gathering?

Just. they're learning what being human means

@thenopequeen @dingdinghq come get the loser cats (/affectionate)

[razorblade180]

RWBY Vol8 Finale Review

Okay so I just wanna say right away that this review would’ve been out sooner, but the ending credit song is watch pushed me over the edge and made me cry. So I’m little drained.

Of course the episode starts off with Salem finally coming back. Honestly I’m shocked. She’s only been gone for a little over an hour I believe. That’s way faster than I thought considering the blast she was hit with.

90% of this episode is fighting which I’m perfectly happy with, so breaking down scenes is a little scarce and far apart. But I will say I like a bunch of the fighting. I thought James’s gun was stupid, but then he swung while detaching one pistol to pistol whip Winter and I’ll admit it, I said “yoooo!”

Okay...the Ace Ops stuff is probably the biggest thing I’m “meh” on. I totally get what they’re going for and I’m actually one of the few people who likes Harriet, but this scene fell pretty flat for me. We barely see the Ace Ops interact with one another that isn’t them threatening RWBY or talking about following orders. Like I never had any doubts that they do in fact care about each other beyond a coworker level but the show didn’t really show that. It would’ve been nice if despite them saying they aren’t friends several times, CRWBY added gentler moments with one another.

Like if Harriet calms Elm down on the way to to whale, Vine senses Marrow’s uneasiness and pulls him aside to tell him that he’ll watch Marrow’s back and they’ll talk when the job is done. It could’ve been neat if Harriet was about to move and scream Marrow’s name right before Ironwood shoots, but Winter was a step ahead. Just little things like that to show these characters really do value one another and don’t actually buy the crap their selling about being completely professional. Plenty of real life military soldiers will tell you that like it or not, it is impossible not to learn the life of their teammates and essentially become family when they’re overseas. Even if they don’t necessarily like a certain individual.

I actually didn’t expect Cinder to betray Neo this episode until Neo fell off the ledge. I thought we were building to Cinder valuing having people as teammates to raise hell instead of looking at them as pawns. To an extent she still does, but I guess it’s more of she has to work well with people and use actual teamwork in general, not with specific individuals. Power of teamwork yes. Power of friendship, no....

Cinder gets bonus points in my book for doing what most don’t, cut Blake’s ribbon! I’m so used to anime tropes letting heroes recover that I wasn’t expecting a genuine good play.

So I’ve said she was going to die ever since she came back, then I said it when she hacked, and one more time she was human. I never had faith she’d make it through the volume. So when I tell that it still broke my heart to see this. I never wanted her go. Penny is like my second favorite character. I’m a bit surprised Cinder didn’t get the power. This is the second time she’s nabbed Penny. I would assume she has at least a bit of the power though.

Winter really did become the Winter maiden. We were right from the start. I do like that Penny choosing how she wanted to die and who to give the powers to mirrors Winter’s conversation with Weiss in V7 a bit about being roped into something but still gaining the control to actually choose how go about the situation by deciding the terms.

Skipping ahead a bit because once again, I was just floored by the fights. Next real thing that really hit me hard was so many people think other people are dead for varying reasons, and only some of them are true. I do not know how Ren and Nora especially are going to cope with hearing Jaune fell. That’s their second teammate. Out of those two, Oscar, and Emerald, I don’t think any want to or fit to lead as a new team of four. Maybe Nora really will step up and kick off the active part of her self discovery. Then there’s Winter. Maybe she’ll keep them together. If anything I hope her and Whitley finally have this genuine moment because they think they lost their sister. And who knows, maybe to a certain level Jacques dying as well conflicts them in a way because they didn’t love him but it’s still a shock he’s dead. Like I’m pretty sure for Whitley at least that the hate for his father didn’t run deep enough to wish him dead. Pietro is gonna die of broken heart and I don’t know how Qrow or Tai will react. Hopefully Raven gets involved.

Not gonna lie, I thought the crash was anticlimactic and Ironwood among others could still be alive, but then the rushing water came....

I am shocked nobody actually killed James. Pretty sure he’s dead though. Just like how Arthur burned to death which is by far the most unsettling thing this show has done period. Even though the villains lost members, it doesn’t really feel like they lost at all. Especially when the ones who died were killed by their own people basically.

All in all I really liked this finale. I’m relieved the reason team RWBY fell wasn’t because they jumped after Yang because that’s not risk people should take and would be a middle finger to everyone they leave behind. Wasn’t expecting Jaune to fall. That’s nuts. Not mad about it. Now he has to explain to Ruby that he personally stabbed Penny on request. Like good lord, he’s not going to cope. The only saving grace I personally have is CRWBY might be nice to me and the path towards comforting certain characters may lead down a path with Lancaster or Whiteknight at the end of it. I’m not gonna hold my breath. Can’t believe we lost Nuts n Dolts twice...

Also Neo might wanna kill Cinder more than Ruby now.

[nonasuch]

how I would fix star wars

inevitably, I have been thinking about How I Would Fix Star Wars, and make the parts of TRoS that displeased me into a more coherent story. 

unfortunately, to do so will require the use of a time machine and veto power over the Lucasfilm Story Group. but IF I had those things here is what I would do:

I actually would not make a lot of changes to TFA. The main ones would be:

toning down Starkiller a bit as a threat, to a one-shot-per-planet deal but with a faster recharge time

slightly more stormtrooper stuff -- establish what Finn’s leaving behind and give Phasma a little depth. 

if possible, put some kind of distinguishing visual marker on the trooper who marked Finn’s helmet.

a small background detail that isn't important yet: after the village massacre at the beginning, show stormtroopers collecting the bodies, trooper and villager alike. if possible, do this after every scene with a significant body count, throughout all three movies.

either give the knights of ren some actual stuff to do or cut them out entirely

show kyle chafing at snoke’s leash, maybe demanding to know more about some of snoke’s various Secret Projects, and being dismissed

give rey a little time to settle in with the Resistance before leaving to find Luke. we don't have to show it much, just make it clear that she’s making a home there and has bonded strongly with Leia

clean up some weird pacing and make the travel times/distances between planets more consistent

honestly other than that I wouldn't change much. I genuinely like TFA a lot and its strength is in how well it establishes the new characters.

for TLJ, some bigger changes but the bones of it I'd leave alone:

make it more clear why the tracking through hyperspace is a big deal and make the solution less of a fetch quest

I really like parts of the Canto Bight plot but I would probably swap it out for something with more stormtroopers in it -- let Finn interact with other troopers and remind us that there are individuals under those helmets

(a recurring joke: Finn can always tell troopers apart when they’re in uniform, and Rose can never figure out how. he thinks it’s because he was a trooper, but no, it's because he’s Force sensitive)

maybe get close to convincing some of them to desert, but either they fail last-minute or the deserters get caught and killed

Finn and Rose escape by the skin of their teeth thanks to a trooper who helps them, letting them know that even if they aren't brave enough to leave, there are plenty of troopers who aren't all-in with the First Order

again, after any major fight show the body cleanup. troopers carrying and stacking the dead in neat rows. start hinting that there is something more ominous here than fanatical tidiness

the Snoke stuff -- make it more obvious that Snoke is orchestrating stuff other than just running the First Order. maybe have Hux ask about the cargo ships they're sending to the Unknown Regions, and get shot down

make part of Kyle’s refusal to leave w Rey due to his burning need to Know All The Secrets, and conviction that as Supreme Leader he could really clean up the joint

once Snoke is dead, show Kyle getting access to his secret files/vaults; do NOT show what he finds there

I'd also want to clean up some wonky pacing and timeline/travel distance stuff, probably, but again I really like most of the movie so it’s nothing major

also keep Phasma around for the next movie! what the fuck, she rules, why would you not

okay so that brings us to TRoS, which… would need a pretty major overhaul. 

First of all, we are working under the assumption that I have a time machine, so I made Carrie Fisher go to the cardiologist on the reg starting on day 1 of TFA rehearsals, and she’s fine and able to play the part as she was meant to.

with that in place, here’s how I would restructure:

we keep the Hammer Horror opening scene, but tweak the Emperor’s reveal. he’s much more corpse-y, without the tech umbilical keeping him alive -- a wraith animated by Dark power. 

lots of grandiose claims about his unstoppable army and his impending dominion over the galaxy, ultimate triumph over the Light, etc

don't show the armada yet -- just kyle’s reaction, which is genuine fear.

news of the Emperor’s return isn't a broadcast, but a whisper. a transmission from a terrified First Order cargo pilot, who’s learned the truth about his one-way trip to the Unknown Regions. passed through the lower ranks by rumor and hearsay. eventually leaked to the Resistance by an unknown First Order source

I like the idea from the beginning of the movie, that Rey’s trying to speak to dead Jedi through the Force. but it’s not working, and she shares her frustration with Leia

make it clear that she and Leia have a deep, strong bond.

give Rey a Jedi artifact to hunt for. maybe there’s a place or a thing that she thinks will let her commune with fallen Jedi, and that’s what they go looking for.

that lets us keep some of the fetch quest, but the First Order’s not as actively on their tail. 

they keep crossing paths anyway, and every time there are troopers doing something worse. maybe at one point they see troopers refuse to massacre civilians, and being killed themselves instead.

also they take Rose with them, because this movie needs more Rose

still have those post-battle scenes of body cleanup. now the cleanup crews are being killed once they’re done

this could be a good use for the Knights of Ren, actually. whatever is happening, they're part of it

Leia is more active throughout: she's on the move, recruiting allies for the Resistance, trying to figure out what's happening in the Unknown Regions

she has an actual scene with Lando, and he goes to Rey on her orders

tweak Poe’s backstory with Zorii. he worked with her while undercover for the Resistance, and left them in the lurch when the General needed him back. 

he’d have recruited her, if there had been time, but now he's glad he didn't: most everyone Poe recruited to the Resistance died at Crait.

when Rey crosses paths with Kyle, he’s obviously rattled. he Knows Something that he won't or can't tell her and he's even more fatalistic than usual.

lean harder on the unease/whispers of dissent in the First Order as they're told to do more and more awful things. maybe a scene where someone -- not Hux -- disagrees openly, and Kyle says something that implies that he's getting orders from someone above his head.

this gives Hux a chance to snark at Kyle -- isn't he supposed to be the Supreme Leader, now? who's telling him what to do?

off Kyle’s reaction -- someone is telling him what to do, and he's terrified of them in a way he never was of Snoke.

(keep Hux-as-informant, that was done perfectly)

Rey’s artifact hunt still takes her to the Death Star wreckage, off rumors that Palpatine hoarded Jedi artifacts. 

we meet Janna &co. Finn is so relieved and happy to meet other troopers who survived defecting. Janna tells him that there used to be more, that it used to be easier to get out, but more and more troopers have been killed in the attempt, without escaping.

by now it’s clear: there is Something Wrong With The First Order, beyond the obvious.

Rey fights Kyle in the Death Star ruins. Kyle tells her the Emperor wants to turn her to the Dark Side, that he can’t be refused or stopped, that even death won’t let her escape from him.

the fight plays out similarly, but Leia’s distraction doesn't kill her. 

after Rey heals him, Kyle faces his fear and talks to Leia via Force bond. He tells her what the Emperor is planning, and it’s Ben Solo who leaves the ruins.

he can give Leia files or some other concrete proof via the same trick he uses with Rey in the movie, because that’s honestly very cool and it was used really well, so we’re keeping that

when Rey talks to Luke on Ach-To, he tells her that Palpatine used the Empire to sow chaos and fear, because that made the Dark Side stronger and gave him more power to tap into.

Luke says: “I think he would have been happy to burn the whole galaxy down, as long as he could rule over the ashes.”

Rey realizes she can’t hide from the Emperor, and knows he’ll never turn her to the Dark. she goes after him.

Leia sends the Resistance to back Rey up and sets out to rally the galaxy with Lando and Chewie

finally, it’s confrontation time! Rey faces Zombie Palpatine, and he reveals his plan in all its glory:

he’s built an army of the dead. ghost ships, crewed by all those bodies we've been watching the First Order collect for three movies.

some of them we recognize, if we’re paying attention: the trooper who marked Finn’s helmet, Lor San Tekka, Hux. there are long-dead clone troopers, little more than skeletons in filthy white armor. half-functional Separatist droids. Resistance fighters and First Order officers killed on Crait. countless civilians. 

they’re all dead, all animated by Palaptine’s Dark Side powers, fueled by the strife and chaos he continues to sow throughout the galaxy

he doesn’t want to blow up any more planets. he wants to kill the shit out of absolutely everyone: the end of all life, and all Light. everyone in the galaxy a soldier in his undead army

he wants Rey to strike him down and become the new Sith Empress, ruling over an empire of ashes.

but we are discarding the granddaughter shit, because frankly it is not necessary and makes no sense. 

he can just be like ‘ah yes, a feral desert child, powerful in the Force, with no inconvenient ties to hold her back. I've had good luck with those, mostly.’

now, a brief side trip: what is the First Order doing, in the midst of all this?

well, the rank and file are actually not super down with the ‘join the glorious army of the dead’ plan. half of them are in open revolt; some try to run, some seize control of their ships and decide to fight for the living

Phasma leads Team Living. yeah, I kept her for a reason! Gwendoline Christie is great at this!

Ben shows up as before, fights the Knights, does the cool lightsaber trick with Rey. he fights with Leia’s saber.

when Palpatine drains their life force to restore himself, though, something happens differently:

it’s actually Leia’s life force. she gives up her life for her son and for the daughter of her heart, willingly and gladly, knowing she has rallied the galaxy to their aid. she tells them, before she goes, that help is on the way

the giant fleet that arrives to fight Palpatine has First Order ships in it. finally, everyone is on the same side. Palpatine has been playing both sides against each other since Episode 1, but it won't work anymore, now that they know what he wants. the long con is over. they're united against him.

Rey beats Palpatine the same way, Ben revives her the same way, but Leia’s sacrifice means he has enough juice left to survive it. 

idk about the kiss; I am Reylo-agnostic

but he’s going to try to shepherd the First Order into something that builds and protects, instead of destroying. 

people like Janna and Finn, who got out, and Rose, who lived under their heel, will show him how.

Finn is Force sensitive, and so are some of the other former troopers. 

some of them want to become Jedi

Finn wants to follow Leia’s path: do the training so he understands how to use the Force, but he's not meant to be a Jedi. he's going to be a leader -- not a general, hopefully, but a leader for peacetime.

so like. they won! hooray.

Rey takes the name Skywalker, still. Ben is fine with this: he’s a Solo-Organa. 

there can be a touching Force ghost reconciliation, or not, whatever

so. that is how to fix star wars. you’re welcome. if anyone out there has a time machine and an in with Lucasfilm, hit me up I guess?

[bssaz97]

How would the team especially Ruby react to Dracula Jaune (or Jaune D(racula) Arc)? Also does his semblance evolve? Like how he can give people his aura, it evolves where he can take others. Like how Dracula takes the life force/blood of his victims?

Ruby: Guys! I found Jaune! He’s over here!

Jaune Arc has been captured by Salem’s faction for Two. Whole. Months. But finally the group had been able to find where he was being kept and now they were going to bust him out. Thankfully Winter, Marrow and FNKI had defected from Ironwood’s military and decided to aid them in rescuing Jaune after they broke them out of captivity. They had barely escaped Ironwood’s clutches but now she had Jaune back. In order to avoid their Atlas pursuers the group decides to split up. One group (Oscar, Winter, Blake, Yang, FNKI, Penny, Pietro, Maria, Marrow, Robyn and Happy Huntresses) goes to Shade Academy in Vacuo while the others (Ruby, Weiss, Nora, Ren and Qrow) go to search for Jaune.

The odd thing was that they had kept Jaune in a vat of red liquid that she couldn’t immediately recognize but that could be looked at later. Although upon closer examination, Jaune looked quite paler and looked to be sleeping without a mask on. Soon enough Ruby blasted the control module and soon enough the tank emptied and Jaune slowly dropped to the ground. After a few seconds the tank opened and Ruby rushes to Jaune’s side, cradling his form in her arms.

Ruby: Jaune? Jaune, can you hear me? Are you ok?

When she received no response, Ruby began to panic and quickly checked his breathing. It was...slow, very slow. Next she moved her head towards his bare chest to hear his heartbeat.

*Ba....................................Bump!*

Ruby: Oh gods, please just let that be a part of my imagination.

Weiss: Ruby what’s taking so long?!

Ruby: He’s unconscious! I need someone to help me carry him.

Ren: I can-

Nora: I’LL HELP HIM. You just cover us!

Ren: ...Ok then.

Nora goes to Ruby’s side and together they carry Jaune out of the tank and then the group started to make their escape. As the group started making their way out of the base, they had to move quickly if they wanted to get out of there in one piece. Their group had made it outside and were making their way to their smuggled Manta ship, they were gonna make it out.....That is until a group of Atlesian soldiers came out of hiding and pointed their guns at them, Ironwood at point.

Everyone: Aw shit.

Ironwood: Sorry to interrupt your little rescue mission but but I believe you all will be coming with me now.

Qrow: Look James I know a lot of shit happened during the Fall of Mantle but that doesn’t mean we should keep aiming at each other’s throats.

Ironwood: Save it Qrow. From where I stand all I see are fugitives who are just as much a threat to the safety of Remnant as is Salem. Also if my memory serves me well, not only has your group acquired two stolen Atlas Mantas, taken the power of the Winter Maiden, corrupted my chain of command, and escaped Atlesian custody, you are also responsible for the death of many of my best men.

Ruby: Clover’s death wasn’t our fault it was Tyrian.

Ironwood: And Qrow allowed himself to aid in his murder. Qrow has as much of Clover’s blood in his hands as does that psychotic bastard. And don’t try to act innocent Rose. You’re just as much a criminal as is your uncle.

The General pulls out one of his signature pistols from it’s holster and points it at them.

Ironwood: Now drop your weapons you’re out numbered here. I won’t ask a second time.

Nora: Why so you can keep us as prisoners in your sky fortress! News flash! That plan didn’t work the first time so what makes you think it’ll work a second time!

Ironwood: .....For once you bring an excellent point Valkyrie. Why should I take you as prisoners, you’ve all already proven to be more dangerous alive so I can’t put you in a cage that you’re just going to break out of again. *Lowers his gun* Men...on my mark shoot to kill!

Weiss: Great one Nora! Now what’s your plan?!

Ironwood: 3...2...1....FI-

???: Before you do that Jimmy mind if interject?

Ironwood and everyone else present are brought out of the tense situation and notice that the once unconscious Jaune Arc was standing right begin Ironwood.

Ironwood: What?! H-How did?

Jaune: You see I just got out of being stuck in a tube for two months so understandably, I. Am. Very famished , so do you mind if I take a sip of one of your men? Sure? Gee thanks!

Ironwood: .....what?

Jaune: *Completely ignoring Ironwood * Hey you there, yes you, mind if I get some sip?

Specialist: W-What?

Jaune: *Grabs the soldier by the throat and lifts them up* I SAID LET ME GET SOME SIP!

The specialist screamed out of pain as they felt all of the aura in their body was being forcibly taken and dried up. The result was shown as the specialist looked paler and more dead than alive. Unceremoniously Jaune dropped the living corpse on the ground and looked much more livelier. Except not, as his skin remained pale, his hair had remained white instead of blonde and his once blue eyes opened showing that they were burning red with black sclera eyes instead. His voice was also very much deeper, he almost sounded like a different person.

Jaune: Aaaah! That really hit the spot! Now what was this you about killing us?

Ironwood: Open Fire!

At once all of Ironwood’s men open fired on the distorted Jaune Arc and watched as he seemed to take every shot they fired until he fell to the ground in a bloody mess.

Ruby: JAUNE NO!!!

Ironwood walked up to the body and shot the corpse two more times.

Ironwood: That was for Damien.

As Ironwood turns around to the rest of the group he’s met with a very angry Ruby pointing Crescent Rose point blank at his face.

Ruby: Give me one reason why I shouldn’t blow your brains out Ironwood!

Ironwood: Do you think I’m a fool, I know you won’t shoot me. You don’t have the resolve.

Ruby: *Cocks the bolt handle* You sure about that?

The two leaders stand-off each other and almost seem ready to kill the other in a moment’s notice.

Jaune: You know she’s right. She can do it.

Both leaders look back at the ‘corpse’ as it prepares to stand up from being gunned down. Once he stands up it almost as if he wasn’t harmed at all.

Jaune: You know what Jimmy....I’m feeling a bit more famished than I thought. Sooooooo I think I’ll just help myself to your men!

In a rapid pace Jaune charges at the group of specialists and proceeds to kill off each one. The others just witness as he effortlessly tears apart each of Ironwood’s men but leaves some alive to absorb their Aura. It was a terrifying and gruesome scene that left all of them sick to the stomach. By the end of it Jaune was nearly covered head to toe with the blood of many.

Jaune: WOW! I am impressed Jimmy...impressed of how shit your specialists were! Like seriously I didn’t even kill the last guy he just offed himself like a bitch! Now where were we again?

Ironwood: RRAAAHH! *Draws both of his pistols and starts to shoot at Jaune*

*BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!*

As if it was effortless, Jaune dodged all of Ironwood’s shots with a speed of a phantom and soon enough he was face to face to Ironwood.

Jaune: Sup.

Ironwood: H-Hey.

Jaune: I’m taking you arm now.

Ironwood: What?

Jaune grabs Ironwood’s left arm and rips it out it’s socket in a gory shower of blood and muscle.

Ironwood: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!

Jaune: What’s wrong Jimmy?! You were talking good shit a second ago! Why don’t you have one of your dead men give you a new arm?! I’m sure they gladly do it as they now have plenty to give. * While still holding the torn off appendage, Jaune grabs Ironwood’s black pistol and shoots him three times in the back*

Ironwood: AAAHH! *Wrinths in pain and drops his white pistol*

Jaune: What’s that Jimmy?! Don’t like getting shot a bunch of times, oh but I bet you love shooting at children off cliffs DON’T YA!!! *brings the pistol closer to his ear* What’s that you want me to shoot off your appendages?! Well then I guess it’s my lucky day!!!

Ruby: JAUNE!!!

Jaune stiffens at the voice he hears calling him, he looks to the side and sees Ruby with tears in her eyes and a almost terrified expression. She walks closer slowly to keep his focus on her. Ruby then kneels down and grabs the other pistol from Ironwood dropped. Once it’s in her hands she stands up to look at Jaune, her dear friend. She places her empty hand on his face gently.

Ruby: Let’s just go...he’s can’t chase us in his current condition. Please...come with me.

Jaune: ......... *He steps away from Ironwood and closer to Ruby, looking at her with a soft expression that reminded her that the man before her was indeed Jaune* Ok Crater Face.

Ruby: *Smiles* ‘Sniff’ Ok.

Jaune: *Looks back at Ironwood and looks down at the black pistol* You got cool guns Jimmy...I’m keeping them.

Ruby: *Grabs his arm* Come on let’s go.

Jaune: As you wish.

Weiss: What on Remnant just happened.

Qrow: I got no fucking clue Icicle.

Ren: *Walks up cautiously* J-Jaune.....is it really you?

Jaune: *Looks at him before smiling* Ren...you sonava bitch....how you doing’ buddy?

Ren: Good....you?

Jaune: Been better but what can ya do?

Nora runs up and nearly tackles her lost leader and clings to him closely.

Nora: I....I thought we lost you again...when...when they all shot at you. I thought you were done for.

Jaune: Oh come on, Nora. Who do I look like, Cardin Winchester? I’m not gonna abandon you like that.

Qrow: ....kid. The hell happened to you.

Jaune: ...... *Laughs softly* Now that is a long fuckin’ story.

-End-

Hope you enjoy my take on Dracula Jaune. I was inspired by Hellsing Abridged Alucard and Other forms of Drac in case anyone spot any references. And yes Jaune is taking Ironwood’s guns as they almost are asking for him to take them. See you all later!

[blackjack-15]

The Force of Nature and the Cackling Madman: What Hux Should Be (and What ROS Won’t Be)

Warning: two mentions of the leaked/newish pictures. They will have spoiler warnings bracketing it, along with the appropriate tags connected to the post. You’ve been warned.

INTRODUCTION

With RoS mere months away, this meta really can’t be delayed any longer before it becomes moot, so here we go!

TLJ was a lot of things — some good, some bad —  but what it wasn’t was surprising (unless you count just how shockingly bad 90% of Finn’s storyline was). This is generally a good thing in movies nowadays, where surprises come not from clever writing, but from enormous missteps in the writing or the desire to feel clever by putting in a twist that isn’t foreshadowed, or even just by breaking the rules of your universe.

Ignoring all but the main storyline — which is about Rey and Kylo Ren and their obstacles/conflicts — TLJ didn’t bring any surprises, but instead followed on the lines that TFA set up. As this is obviously the storyline that’s been hashed out from the start and is the point they’re building to, it’s thus safe to say that RoS is simply going to do the same, and follow the lines that TLJ set up.

SPOILER WARNING BEGINS

(Side note: this is why, when the absurdly stupid tuning-fork-lightsaber of Rey’s showed up in the first looks at RoS, it was immediately obvious that she was going to be able to “break” off half of it to give to Kylo when his saber is ultimately gone/self-destructs. Not only does the spoiler picture all but confirm this, but it’s also the obvious trajectory from the two fighting over a lightsaber in TLJ and breaking it in half.)

SPOILER WARNING ENDS

Anyway, with this framework in mind, and with the knowledge that every Star Wars media since the OG trilogy is in some way an adaptation of the OG trilogy, let’s examine what this means for the villain.

TERROR AND STAR WARS VILLAINS

There’s really no getting around the fact that one of the weakest facets of any Star Wars movie — yes, the OG trilogy is included here — is the villains that accompany them. A few SW video games fare a bit better in this, but most follow the movies’ path. This isn’t shocking — Star Wars is a Hero’s Journey, and in a Hero’s Journey it’s the presence of a villain, not the nature of the villain itself, that’s the important part — but it is crucial to understand.

Darth Vader is by far the most iconic and scariest villain that Star Wars movies can boast of, and for those born after 4/5/6 came out, he’s not really that scary, because those viewers go in knowing who Vader is and that he’s (at least partially) redeemed through his sacrifice. The greatest contribution that Rogue One made to that viewership is the scene with Vader at the end, where he is legitimately an object of terror as he was when 4/5/6 were first out.

This leads to a discussion of Palpatine-as-villain in RotJ, where the best that can be said for his status as terror-inducing villain is that at least he has Vader to do most of the heavy lifting for him. As a villain, Palpatine is just not scary. Maybe it’s the makeup, maybe it’s the fact that he gets thrown out like a sack of garbage to his death, maybe it’s the cold ham delivery he gives to what should be properly menacing lines.

Darth Maul’s visuals in TPM alone are scarier than all of Palpatine in RotJ, and, before it’s brought up, Palpatine is even less scary than that in the prequels, so I’m not even considering that part.

The thing that most Star Wars villains have in common (aside from Tarkin, who is my person favorite movie-verse villain) is that they’re forces of nature; they have the force and/or use lightsabers, they’re larger than life and beings of immense power and reputation, and they’re there to sort of loom over movie, causing overwhelming-yet-non-specifc terror to motivate the plot in a “avoid the bad guys” sort of way.

This is especially obvious in the prequel movies, where Darth Maul (ignoring his awesome visual effect), General Grievous, and Count Dooku are all basically meant to Stand There And Look Menacing, rather than having anything about them that’s actually interesting.

And here’s where the interesting things in the sequel trilogy begin.

WHY SMOKE SNOKE?

There was never any way that Snoke was going to live past TLJ, just like there was no way that Hux wasn’t going to survive TLJ. Remembering that the sequel trilogy is in a lot of ways an adaptation of the OG trilogy (as all Star Wars movies are), TFA was trying to get you to think of Snoke as Palpatine — an overlord that survives until the last bit of the last movie and Hux as Tarkin — the non-Force user who is Evil and all but dies b/c he’s too smug and petty.

But neither one of those things were actually true. Because that would position Kylo Ren as the Vader analogue, and all of TFA is dedicated to showing just how wrong that assumption is.

Because Kylo’s not Vader, Hux isn’t Tarkin, and Snoke isn’t Palpatine. Thus, Snoke has to die, because we can’t go into the last third of the trilogy with competing big bads (and no, Kylo and Hux don’t count there, either — Kylo isn’t a big bad at all, unless you think that the Big Bad Villain’s job is to fall for a British honeypot with a lightsaber).

I’ll admit, I was a bit smug when Snoke died and left only Hux alive and kicking out of the Three Bad Guys (as Kylo/Ben isn’t even pretending to be a bad guy anymore), because that’s what I had predicted — a fake-out with a Palpatine-style, force-of-nature villain only to reveal that the real Big Bad was with us all along — a mortal; a cackling madman: General Hux.

PLOTTING WITH PALPATINE

When spoilers first indicated that Palpatine would instead make yet another appearance in a Star Wars film, I was optimistic. Optimistic not in the “hey the Rebels will totally win” sort of way; no, optimistic in the “these kind Jedi will definitely free the slaves and not just take the kid because They Must Deal Kindly With Illegal Slavers”. AKA misplaced optimism rather than genre-savvy faith in the heroes to prevail.

Because actually bringing back Palpatine would be a stupid move all the way around, I tried to figure out why they’d advertise it and not try to hide the bad idea in a Secret Twist.

So here’s where we get the interplay between the Force of Nature and the Cackling Madman.

In a world where the Force exists, it’s easy to imagine that those without it feel rather powerless — or at least overshadowed — when near those who do wield it. Certainly, that’s true for most of Tarkin’s council, and true of Hux. 

Over and over again in TFA and TLJ, we see Hux trying to prove that he’s every inch Kylo’s Equal. Even after Snoke’s death, he uses no deference to the new Supreme Leader and repeats his commands so he can believe that the First Order soldiers are following him.

Hux’s scene in TFA where he’s commanding the troops shows Hux at his finest (and most evil); apart from any Jedi/Sith/Force influence, he is himself to a glorious extreme: the Cackling Madman.

THE CACKLING MADMAN

I don’t use this title to say that Hux is insane (though he’s clearly a bit off) but rather to show the difference between a villain like Hux and a villain like Palpatine. Unlike the Force of Nature villain, a Cackling Madman is usually present over the entire story, seen as a person rather than as a shadowy figure, and is allowed to fail and succeed at multiple times during the trajectory of the story, rather than only failing at the very end when the heroes triumph.

In short, Star Wars has never had, in the movie-verse, a Cackling Madman as the main villain. The prequels play at it for about .5 seconds with Senator Palpatine, but he’s still the Force of Nature, ultimately, just pretending to be a Good Guy.

As the sequel trilogy, is, once again, and like any other SW media, an adaptation of the OG trilogy, I was really excited for this shift in formula — it would play on audience expectation that Snoke would just be Palpatine 2.0, only to reveal — with the proper set up, as shown in TFA and TLJ — that the true villain was there all along, just unnoticed for what he was.

THE FACADE OF THE FORCE

So where would the intervention of Palpatine go in this shift from the formula?

Hux as the ultimate Big Bad would know that he would need the support of a powerful force user — or, at least, the appearance of support of a powerful force user.

And, in the Star Wars universe, you could do worse than to claim the support of (in the EU) the eternally clone-happy Emperor. Hux’s only problem is that the Emperor is dead, and thus not really up to supporting a ginger with dreams of Ultimate Power.

So any support would have to be a facade. And how is Star Wars uniquely equipped to handle facades?

We’re talking holograms, baby.

Holograms of a weakened yet still powerful Emperor — maybe missing a hand or something, a few attacks “directed” by the Emperor meeting wild success, manipulation of the Holograms to say Hux’s name and offer support of him as his Preeminent General or whatever, and Hux has the galaxy at his feet.

IMAGINE MY DISAPPOINTMENT (SPOILERS HERE AGAIN)

And then the spoiler pictures of Palpatine came out and — disappointment was prevalent, but I wasn’t surprised.

The big problem with the Sequel Trilogy is that it has one well-plotted plot line — the main plot line with Rey and Kylo/Ben — and then every other plot line is pretty much left up to the whims of the moment. It’s especially evident in Finn’s TLJ plot line, but it’s present to some extent in every other plot line throughout the two movies currently out.

What Hux should be is the danger lurking in plain sight; the villain seen but not understood, and the evil present but not accounted for. That alone would add a dimension to the Sequel Trilogy that it’s lacking right now — and lacking even more with the advent of Palpatine’s return. Not only would it acknowledge its freedom as an adaptation to play with audience expectation, but it would demonstrate something that both it and the Prequel Trilogy lack: trust in its audience.

THE ULTIMATE CONCLUSION

What RoS should be is a movie that delivers something new but still authentic to the Star Wars universe. Ultimately, that’s all it would take to please the majority of its audience, because those who are watching the ST without having seen any other Star Wars media are few and far between. 

The shame is that what RoS will be is a movie that (wrongly) doesn’t trust its audience to consume  nuanced media, and instead tries to placate them with false advertising (trying to give off the air that RoS will be a trio movie with Finn, Rey, and Poe when everyone knows it won’t be) and with the return of old characters and the descendants of old characters. It’s like adding blue flashing lights to an old snow globe and declaring that you’re recaptured lightning in a bottle.

[technicalheart]

Faded: Chapter 5

Pairings: Kylo Ren x Reader Description: Anxious to learn of your fate after your first mission, you can’t focus on much of anything at the moment. Kylo Ren appearing seemingly out of nowhere and making your life more difficult doesn’t help. What exactly did you agree to?

“You alright?”

You snapped your head up.

“Yeah, fine. Why?”

“You haven’t actually eaten any of your food,” Bee remarked, eyeing you suspiciously.

You looked down at your tray. While your mind had been wandering, you’d only managed to move your food around rather than actually eat it. Everything was now in a rather gross looking mashed up pile in the upper right hand corner.

“Sure I have,” you lied, taking a forkful of the food abomination and sticking it into your mouth. You instantly regretted it. The strange combination of flavors and textures made you want to gag, but you forced yourself to swallow. Bee snorted as you struggled to keep a straight face.

“Okay then, tough guy.” She shook her head as she took a few bites of her food. It was quiet for a moment, and you felt compelled to break the silence. But before you could, Bee beat you to it.

“If this is about yesterday…” she trailed off, her eyes meeting yours briefly before they darted away.

“What do you mean?” you asked.

“You know what I mean. Your blaster, Phasma, the mission…” She was really struggling, as if she was regretting bringing it up. “Look, just don’t feel bad about yesterday. Shit happens. Put it behind you and do better next time, okay?” She tugged on her braid- her nervous habit, you were learning.

For a brief moment, you considered telling her about how Kylo Ren had approached you yesterday and how terrified you were about everything that had happened. Would she even know what to say? Was there a chance she knew about the Force and could give you any insight whatsoever? As you opened your mouth to say something, however, she stood, grabbing her empty tray.

“Forget about it. Just don’t let it get to you, okay?” she muttered. With that, she turned and walked off.

You sighed as you picked at your food some more. Between Kylo Ren’s ultimatum and the summons to Captain Phasma’s office, you weren’t surprised that you didn’t have much of an appetite. Your stomach had pretty much been in freefall since last night. You weren’t exactly sure what you’d agreed to, apart from a way to not get yourself killed. And then this morning, Phasma had requested you stop by her quarters. As if you didn’t have enough to worry about.

You looked down at your food once more before giving up. There was no way you could eat while your nerves were this bad. Might as well get this over with.

“Soldier.” Phasma addressed you as you walked in. You stopped in front of her desk, standing at attention. “I trust you’ve recovered?”

“Yes ma’am,” you replied. You were slightly surprised she’d even asked.

“Very good.” She lifted the datapad from her desk and looked it over briefly. “I’ve received the full report on yesterday’s mission. I’m told you fought exceptionally well.”

“Thank you, ma’am.”

“Consider your skills assessment completed. I’m assigning you to the FN squadron with the designation FN-3837, effective immediately.”

You stared at her in disbelief through your helmet. What?! Had you heard her right? You almost wanted to interrupt her, but didn’t dare.

“As I’m sure you know, the FN squadron is one of highest caliber. As such, expectations for their performance are high. I expect no less from you.”

“Y-yes ma’am. Thank you, ma’am,” You replied in shock.

“Very well. You are dismissed,” she said, as if what she’d just told you wasn’t completely insane.

Dazed, you saluted her before numbly making your way out of her office. As soon as the doors shut behind you, you collapsed backward against the nearby wall, armor thudding against the metallic interior of the ship. Should you have said something? Did she just happen to forget what actually occurred yesterday? There was no way. Yet she’d just assigned you to the best squadron on the Finalizer and neglected to mention the whole blaster debacle.

And now you had a new name. FN-3837. It was impersonal, sure, but so was everything else on this damn ship. You were just happy you belonged now, even if the circumstances were strange. Your thoughts landed on your squad. Your squad, holy shit. They were your squad now. What would Mack think? What would Bee? Would Nines finally start to trust you now? Your mind was racing with what exactly this meant.

“Captain Phasma’s finest recruit, slacking off on the job.”

You nearly jumped out of your armor. Kylo Ren stood in front of you, peering down the visor of his helmet at you. When did he show up? Maybe teleportation was another magic trick of his you needed to add to the list, right behind violating the privacy of your mind. You scrambled to stand, embarrassed he’d caught you off guard.

“Actually, it’s FN-3837 now,” you corrected, a hint of impudence in your voice. You were determined not to let him know how scared of him you were. Unfortunately now that also meant guarding your thoughts, which you had no way of knowing if you were successfully accomplishing or not. You didn’t have a headache though, so you took that as a good sign.

“So I’ve heard,” he replied, sounding slightly amused. “I suppose Phasma lets any fool with a blaster into her best squad nowadays. They fit right in with the traitors.”

Having half a mind to cuss him out on the spot, you spun around and stormed off, deathgripping your blaster as if it were Kylo Ren’s neck. You heard his heavy footsteps following you, much to your irritation.

“Do you have a point?” you huffed, trying to outpace him. To your annoyance, he effortlessly matched your speed, walking alongside you with ease.

“Tonight, E-286, 2100 hours. I’ll be expecting you.”

And before you had a chance to reply, he rounded a corner and walked off, leaving you in your sour mood.

Willing yourself to calm down, you continued towards your assigned post, where Mack would be waiting for you. You should be happy, shouldn’t you? You had a squad and a purpose now. Yet Kylo Ren had taken any happiness away just by showing up. What was he scheming up, anyway? E-286 was a room number on the second level, you knew that much at least. Maybe you would finally learn more about the Force and the “training” you were supposed to receive.

Ugh. Kylo Ren. You’d felt that infuriating smirk of his despite the helmet, and it made your blood boil. Maybe this training would give you a chance to kick his ass. You grinned under your helmet at the thought.

The rest of the day was pretty unremarkable, although it passed more quickly than you’d have liked. As it got closer and closer to the time you were supposed to meet Kylo Ren, you grew increasingly nervous. You desperately wanted to tell Bee or Mack, but what would they say? They probably wouldn’t believe you anyway.

Word of your assignment spread quickly throughout the ranks. You blamed Mack in particular for that, as he’d been ecstatic the second you told him and immediately spread the word to everyone else. The mess hall was filled with stares and whispers when you’d walked in with your squad that night. Were they in just as much disbelief about the news as you were? You’d hoped that your assignment would help you blend in, but it seemed to be doing the opposite.

Again, you barely were able to eat anything at dinner. Bee noticed and shot you knowing looks the whole time, which you pretended to ignore. You didn’t need to feel any worse about yourself than you already did. Nines wasn’t helping either. He eyed you skeptically the whole night, refusing to comment on your assignment. Whatever. You were too weary to care at this point.

Before you knew it, it was time to meet Kylo Ren.

You managed to slip out undetected from your bunk, still wearing your armor. You didn’t need anyone asking questions- you were already out after curfew, which would land you in hot water as it was. Besides, you weren’t sure if anyone would believe you if you told them the truth.

As you made your way through the halls of the Finalizer, you realized you’d never actually been to the second floor. The Finalizer was massive, seeming almost never ending at times. You’d barely scratched the surface. Thankfully, your HUD guided you in the right direction, the layout of the ship it displayed proving incredibly useful. As it turned out, E-286 was at the end of a rather large, dark hallway that seemed fairly unfrequented. The massive doors were sealed shut, and you hesitated for a moment. What exactly did Kylo Ren have planned for you? Your stomach twisted into knots at the uncertainty, but you certainly wouldn’t find out by waiting here. You took a deep breath, then walked forward, the doors parting for you as you went.

It appeared that you were early, as Kylo Ren was nowhere in sight. The massive room was disappointingly empty. Large, with ample space, but empty. The only notable features were the windows- large panels, taking up the entire outside-facing wall all the way to the ceiling. They provided an impressive view of the stars outside, a rare sight on the ship. You paused for a moment as you took in the view.

While you waited, you figured you’d take most of your armor off down to your black under armor. That’s how all Stormtroopers trained anyway, and besides, it got pretty uncomfortable after wearing it all day. You pulled your helmet off your head, relishing your first breath of fresh air and letting it go with a sigh. Maybe it was good Kylo Ren wasn’t here, it gave you a moment to collect your nerves.

Several minutes passed, and you were about ready to give up. But just as you thought about leaving, the sound of the doors rushing open echoed throughout the room, and your stomach instantly sank.

Kylo Ren made his way towards you quickly, as if rushed. You watched him silently, feeling a mix of irritation and fear at the sight of him. As he walked, he pulled the helmet from his head, releasing his shock of dark hair. You couldn’t help but steal another glance at his face- the same pale face you’d seen yesterday that had caught you so off guard. Instantly, his dark eyes met yours, meeting your gaze so intensely you were forced to look away.

“I was beginning to think you weren’t going to show,” you muttered, cheeks growing warm. There was no way he hadn’t caught you staring.

“Believe it or not, I have bigger priorities than training my apprentice,” he said distractedly, looking away from you. You wondered what he’d been up to before he’d gotten here. He set his helmet down on a nearby storage crate, then fixed his critical gaze back on you.

“You said you knew nothing of the Force,” he began. “But that’s not true. You simply aren’t aware of it.” He began to pace around you slowly, like a nexu circling its prey.

“Close your eyes.”

You shot him a doubtful look before begrudgingly closing your eyes.

“Clear your mind. Focus only on your breathing.”

You did your best to comply, focusing on the sound of your shallow breaths.

“You’re too tense. Relax,” he scolded, voice echoing throughout the empty room.

“You’re not exactly helping,” you replied, frustrated.

“Then pretend I’m not here.”

You wanted to roll your eyes at him, but you figured it’d be better to play along and get this over with. You slowed your breathing, keeping your mind clear, focusing only on the darkness of your vision.

“Very good,” he murmured. His voice was closer now. “What do you feel?”

At first, you were certain you felt nothing. You heard the faint whirring of the ship, felt the faint breeze in the room…nothing you hadn’t felt before. But then there was something else there too- not a sensation, or a sound, but more of an energy, a hum. You picked at it with your mind, trying to feel it out. It radiated from you, flowed through you, like a gentle pulse. It came from Kylo Ren too- in fact, you could tell he was standing slightly to your left, only a foot away.

“What do you feel?” he asked again, softly.

“It’s like a pulse…like waves of energy,” you said slowly, hoping you didn’t sound completely stupid.

“The Force is within every living being, but not everyone can harness it. But you can. I will teach you how to bend the Force to your will, just as it bends to mine.” A shiver ran down your spine.

“But how? What will you teach me?”

“Everything you need is already within you. You need only to become aware of it to harness it.”

What you were aware of was how close he was to you. You tried not to fidget. Nerves continued to shoot through your body, setting you on edge.

“Focus. Keep going,” he pressed. You complied, clearing your mind and pressing yourself a little farther. You tried to sense what was beyond the two of you in that room. It was difficult at first, but you managed to reach just a bit farther. There were people walking the hallway just outside- their energy was different though, fainter, not as obvious as Kylo Ren’s. Unable to continue, you decided to focus on him instead.

This energy- the Force, you might as well call it what it was- radiated with amazing strength from him. You sensed the power with which he wielded it, far surpassing your own. Gaining a little more confidence, you decided to push a bit more and test your boundaries. How much could you really get from him?

Not much, as it turned out. He was especially adept at locking most of his mind to you. It seemed that just as you sensed things, he managed to pull them away out of your grasp. You managed to catch glimpses before they were snatched away. Frustration from recent events. A feeling a failure, of loneliness. So much anger, boiling just beneath the surface. You caught your breath for a moment- even just these glimpses were beginning to affect you too.

“Enough,” he said, quietly but firmly. You opened your eyes and looked at him, expecting anger, but finding none.

“How do you do it?” You were genuinely curious.

“Practice.” He stood in front of you, a hard to read expression on his pale face. “Yours begins now. Think of something you want to keep from me.”

Nice try. Although you felt more confident than you had earlier, you weren’t about to take the chance that he wouldn’t be able to crack you. You could only picture the look he’d give you if he realized you were thinking about him. After thinking it over briefly, you decided on a memory.

“Alright.”

“Close your eyes. Focus. Find the holes in your defenses and concentrate.”

Almost immediately, you felt him press at your thoughts with all the subtle force of a punch. You gasped, shocked at the intensity, but you kept your eyes shut and willed him away. It was like pulling food away from a ravenous animal. Every time he’d get close, you’d retreat further and further away, only for him to stubbornly follow. It was exhausting. Your breathing grew heavy and sweat beaded on your forehead, betraying your fatigue.

“You bastard,” you panted, eyes still scrunched shut. You felt the wave of satisfaction roll off him in your mind. He was unrelenting. Emboldened by your frustration, he hit again, even harder.

It was like trying to fight back against a boulder. You shook with the effort, trying so hard to protect your memory like it was the most precious possession you had, but it was no use. The dam burst, and Kylo Ren came crashing into your memory, turning it over like a stone in his hand. You tried so hard…

For a brief moment, your thoughts were empty, calm. But then-

“This is what’s best for our child...”

“...too young! Please! Not yet...”

A man stands over a smaller figure, a child. He puts his hand on the child’s shoulder, an awkward attempt at comfort.

“You’ll be going to the academy, isn’t that grand?”

The child is bawling now, shrieking hysterically.

“No! I don’t want to go! I’m not going! I want to stay with Mommy!”

“You must go. That’s final.” The kindness in his voice long gone, replaced with something immovable.

“I HATE YOU!” The child screams.

The figures begin to blur, distorting as they fade away to nothingness.

He drove you away. A voice, closeby, different from the others.

I hated him for that. I still do.

You were a child.

You wanted to reply, but even this voice began to fade as everything went dark. Until suddenly, you felt very, very alone.

[pocket-dreamer]

Tyrian's Fate

So, in lieu of what happened in “Punished”, I think I should probably let you guys know what I think will happen to Tyrian. Y’know, since his childish, poetic, and psychopathic nature has made him the best character to grace Volume 4 with his presence.

No, I do not think that Tyrian is going to die.  Will Salem be angry? Yes.  Will Salem punish him?  Yes.  Will the others make fun of him for it?  Hell yes.  After all, he will return empty-handed, disgraced, and crippled, and he’s given away information about Salem herself.  But will she kill him?  No.  Why?  Because he’s the best soldier she’s got.

Let me explain.  Sure, Cinder is the Fall Maiden, and Neo (if she’s still alive) has some mad agility skills, but Tyrian is on a whole new level when it comes to fighting.  From what we’ve seen, Tyrian almost never stops moving.  He’s light on his feet, his balance is incredible, and from what I’ve seen he’s as agile as Qrow.  Now this is all well and good, but there’s one thing that sets Tyrian apart from other really good fighters, and it’s not the venom in his tail.  He’s insanely good at fighting (pun intended)…but he’s blind.

Okay, probably not completely.  But I read that scorpions’ eyes work a lot differently than ours do, and that some of them even use vibrations in the ground to “see.”  So his other senses are vastly enhanced because of that. You can see several things that point to this: 

Look at his eyes.  Usually RT uses eyes like these to portray very strong emotions (ex: Weiss concentrating when summoning the Knight, Ruby when attacking Roman, Qrow when telling Ruby and the others to stay back, etc).  But they’re never made as small as Tyrian’s.  There are two reasons for this: either he’s on a constant maniacal high (which is very possible) or there is something physically off about them.  

During the legendary Qrow vs Tyrian fight, there is a moment when Tyrian uses his tail to wrench Qrow’s weapon out of his hand and lodge it in a wall, leaving Qrow defenseless.  Or so Tyrian thought, because before he can do anything else, he gets several fists to the face (fists adorned with metal rings, might I add) and he doesn’t even try to defend himself in any way.  He couldn’t hear them coming.

After Qrow punches and kicks Tyrian back a few feet, Tyrian allows Qrow to just waltz over and get his weapon from the wall.  Notice Tyrian’s position at that time: his hand was on the ground and he made a noise of frustration. He was trying to feel the vibrations in the ground but couldn’t because Qrow was out of his range.

But when Qrow lays his hand on his weapon, there’s a small metal sound and Tyrian looks up, grinning triumphantly, as if to say “Found you!” 

If Tyrian is especially good at detecting things through metal sounds, then that could explain why he was so good at deflecting Qrow’s weapon and Ruby’s bullets. Also his “oh sh*t” face when Qrow’s weapon half transformed to get itself out of the wall. 

Tyrian falls right through a roof when he lands on a wooden rafter that was obviously broken. 

So basically, Tyrian is like RWBY’s version of Toph.  Let’s stop and think about that for a while, hm?

But what impressed me even more was that Qrow was able to figure it out, because I didn’t realize it until after I rewatched this fight several times.  I think he made the connection when Tyrian easily dispatched Ren and Nora when they ran in to help.  That’s why he told them not to come closer (it also could have been because he didn’t want them to get caught up in his bad-luck space).

I mean, seriously.  They couldn’t even touch him.  And he didn’t even try.

So yeah, back to the point.  Tyrian’s not dying anytime soon.  I fully support the theory that Salem will give him a Death Stalker stinger to replace his old one.  Josh Grelle, the voice actor behind Tyrian, claims that there’s one final scene that Tyrian’s in (in Volume 4) that will bring with it a whole new level to Tyrian’s insanity.

And he will hopefully be back in Volume 5 for some more crazy fun times.

[emthinks]

Heir of Fire by Sarah J. Maas

Note: Okay, so I just realized like a good solid month and more later that I never posted my review for this book. Or maybe I did and I never tagged it. Or maybe I did tag it but it got lost in the endless sea that is the Internet (and also Tumblr). I don’t know. The point is that it’s not in my records and I need it to exist here because I love Sarah and I love this series and I’ve written reviews for all the other books so this can’t not exist. So. Here it is. The following is what I wrote after while marathoning ToG, so this is before I touched QoS and EoS. I have not edited anything: this is literally a copy & paste from my word doc. Enjoy.

If you could hear me right now. God. I sound like a dying whale. A dying, beached whale that has no hope but is still screaming for one. I wish I have a punching bag in my room. Would get a lot of use out of it right about now. I think I just kicked nearly everything off my bed. This book is ridiculous. I was not prepared.

This is not YA. YA is…nicer. Gentler. This is. I mean, Throne of Glass was bad. Crown of Midnight was…equally as bad. Heir of Fire? Heir of Fire didn’t hold anything back. Heir of Fire was hell. It was heart wrenching, heart pounding, heart aching hell.

Rating: 9.6/10

An Overview:

Unfortunately, I didn’t take notes on everything, which sucks, but hey. What can you do. I did not some more essential bits though.

Dorian and Chaol. Dorian and Chaol are a fucking mess. Dorian and Chaol. I don’t know what’s going to happen to Dorian and Chaol.

Moving on. Celaena ends up tagging along with Rowan to meet Maeve, who decrees Rowan is train her to shift and wield magic before she can enter Doranelle. Celaena becomes a kitchen maid. Hey, at least there’s food.

Meanwhile, Dorian is…hitting on a healer? I’m not sure what Dorian is doing. We don’t get much from Dorian.

Monan, on the other hand, we get a lot of time with. And it’s a bit of a slog, perhaps. But then she gets Abraxos. And she goes to fight the fucking giant arachnids for their silk and steals it (which I really wonder if that’s gonna bite her in the ass later on). And Abraxos. If she’s on Abraxos, things got a lot better. Especially that bit at the end, with the War Games and how she saves the Blueblood heir? Yeah. That was good. That was nice. Hey, our little heartless witch grew a heart!

And then there’s Chaol. And then there’s Chaol. Chaol, for some reason (I forget) decides that he needs to get information out of Aedion (to even the ground? I think Aedion knows something about Chaol? I don’t remember the specifics). Of course, Chaol’s a fucking idiot and disregards the fact that he’s tailing the Wolf of the North (or whatever fancy title they gave Aedion) and that, maybe, Aedion would notice he’s tailing him. Thankfully, all’s well that ends well, because Chaol manages to become allies with Aedion. Aelin is alive. One can only hope it remains that way.

When Celaena walked into Rowan’s room while he was tattooing Gavriel (albeit uninvited), and Rowan said all those things to her, I knew what was coming. That next morning, when Celaena saw the blade Emrys got from Mikalai, the Eyllwe blade, and she snapped, my heart broke. I could feel all her pain. It was horrible. And for Emrys to lecture Rowan, when he finally (finally) came to fetch her, God I wished he’d torn him apart.

Well, at least they’re bonding now. Right? Nope. Rowan fucking throws poor, innocent Luca (with the promise of food, of all things!) into the middle of the ice and demands she rescue him. She does (of course she does) but then there’s that creepy ass one-eyed fish monster. Of fucking course the lake wasn’t empty, I thought. When would the lake ever be empty? They’re not that lucky.  

Eventually, on one of those journeys to see the killed demi-Fae, we run across a problem. A major problem. Well, a problem and an answer, I guess, if you want to be particular about it. An answer to who (or what, I suppose) is sucking the life out of all those demi-Fae. And the problem? Well. The problem is those hundreds of soldiers and not-human dark things used to attack demi-Fae and use them as hosts. Of course. Fucking hell. But what could our heroes do but hurry back to prepare the fortress? And it was absolutely beautiful how everyone had just banded together, not argument, no fear. And I had thought Wendlyn was an ass for not sending reinforcements. Nope. They were just being attacked, too. They would’ve helped, had they had the ability to. But they just had to prioritize. It sucked, but at least they had a valid excuse.

And then the Valg came. And Celaena, brave, brave, wonderful warrior Celaena steps out and says she will protect them. And her fire burns and burns and burns. For so long, she burns. But not long enough. Because then they envelop her. They don’t consume her, she’s too great of a vessel, but they take sips. Sips of her deepest, darkest memories. All her secrets spilled out, and she doesn’t do anything – nothing. God, it was one of the most horrifying things to read, to imagine, to feel. I could see everything as if it was happening right in front of me, to me. The darkness, the sheer terror, the complete loss, the hopelessness. Everything. We saw what truly happened that night, where she crawled into her parents’ bed and they were already dead and Lady Marion sacrifices herself and that just makes what Nehemia did that much worse and I just. I couldn’t. I’m not a huge fan of horror, of scary shit, and I definitely don’t seek them out in books, so that was some of the darkest pages I’ve read. Ever. It was horrifying. And I plowed through them like a woman on a mission not because I enjoyed them (I really, really didn’t) but because I needed to see the end to this misery. And, thankfully, there was an end. Our heroine emerges from the ashes, wielding fire the likes we’ve never seen before and embracing her titles. She does not hide under the shadow of Celaena Sardothien anymore. She is, finally, Aelin Ashryver Galathynius, Queen of Terrasen, and ready to take back her throne, her people, her land.

In the meantime, across the sea, we have Chaol and Dorian and Aedion who figured out how the fuck the king cancelled out all magic. The pillars. The triangle. Now, if we could only just knock out the clock tower, that would be great. And I think we really need to get on that. Maybe Dorian could just, I don’t know, accidentally throw some of his ice magic at it. Just a little bit. And then poke it so it would shatter in a million pieces? Ooh! Maybe Celaena can burn it. Or not. It’s obsidian. One giant pillar of obsidian. Sigh.

Also, I find it absolutely ridiculous that we spend all this time – all this fucking time trying to get into Doranelle, to talk to Maeve and find out what she knows, and then we’re in there for one chapter. Of the whole entire fucking book. And it is a large ass book. And it was one hell of a chapter. Maeve is an absolute bitch. We knew she was shit from the get-go – we knew Celaena’s mom (Evalin?) had run across the sea and hid her for a reason. But still. Celaena asks her questions. And Maeve knows nothing. Yes, we learn some things about the Vlag (blergh) and how the king, with three Wyrdkeys, could summon an endless army (jfc we need to fix that soon) but we don’t learn anything of use about they keys or the gates. Instead, we learn – or rather, Celaena reveals she learned that Maeve was the one who wanted to use the keys, and that’s why Brannon took them across the sea. To see Rowan obeying and his so-called “friends” just not even trying to resist…that was painful. Thank God Celaena has mastered her power enough to fucking set the whole palace on fire. That was beautiful. And she bargains – beautifully – with Maeve. The ring, for Rowan. A severed bloodoath, only to forge a new one immediately afterwards. Well, at least Celaena has somebody to watch her back, right?

Nope. Fucking idiot. I think it’s absolutely ridiculous that Celaena left Rowan behind. Yes, he might not be as powerful thanks to the “all magic has been destroyed” thing in Adarlan, but he isn’t useless. She better go find him soon. He better come back in Queen of Shadows. That’s all I’m saying.

And oh no, that’s not all that happened. That’s only on one continent. On the continent with even more problems, we have the (slight) issue of the king kind of kidnapping Chaol. And Aedion. And Dorian and Sorscha. So Sorscha was Ren’s informant, huh? At least he’s not as much of a wimp as I thought. Still, God that was horrible to read. First, Aedion reveals himself. Which. Fine. It sucks, but it’s necessary. He’s taken away. Then. Then. Sorscha. God, Dorian was a disaster. But still salvageable. But Chaol – fucking, idiotic Chaol. Stupid, stupid, stupid. So stupid. Why was he so stupid? Stupid Chaol decides that “oh, now is the time for me to reveal that I’m traitorous to the crown”. Like, now is so not the time, Chaol. Aedion has already sacrificed himself, knowing that you would be more important to Aelin than he is, in the long run, and Sorscha is already fucking dead and now is really not the time. You realize he could you?! You’re not his son. You’re not the crown prince. So one thing leads to another, and Dorian reveals his magic. Great timing, Chaol. You just made everything a hundred times worse. You get to escape, which, hurrah, don’t have to go to Anielle. Your friend, on the other hand. Well. Poor Dorian is fucking screwed. He’s got a Wyrd collar on his neck now, and gods know what that will do to him. How it will warp him. I can only hope that Celaena can come back and somehow manage to remove that fucking collar.

Oh, I can’t wait to tear that guy into tiny little pieces. No mercy, man. No mercy. Not for the kind of shit he’s done.

And it’s only a matter of time, because Aelin, across the sea, on a different fucking continent, has made her stand. It was her declaration, in front of the Valg. That battle was where she announces to the whole fucking world that she’s back, and she’s better than ever. Aedion knows, finally, that his cousin is alive for real. Chaol knows he didn’t just send her off to death. Dorian knows. The king knows. Everyone knows. And I can only hope that the people of Terrasen are ready. And the people of Adarlan, because when she comes, she comes for blood, she comes for revenge, she comes for the king’s head mounted on a pike and no one can stop her.

“You didn’t need a weapon at all when you were born one.”

Likes: What I really liked in this book was that we got to see from different POVs. Well, maybe I should amend that: We got to see from multiple POVs, with buildup. Like, before, we only saw from like, say, Kaltain or the King’s POVs when the really needed to push along the plot. Or reveal something we, the reader, had already half-suspected. Like with the headaches or the Wyrdkeys. We didn’t use them until they were truly necessary. Like, every time we saw from Kaltain’s POV, she was whining about headaches (in ToG). In HoF, it’s different. We see from Celaena and Dorian and Chaol, ofc, but then there’s Monan and Sorscha and their stories take a while too unfold as well, to interweave themselves into the overarching plot. Sarah, imo, has really gotten better at weaving. And I really, really like this weaving.

Dislikes: While I said I like the multiple PoVs, there were times when they became a burden as well. Especially with the Monan ones. I just found them to be such a drag sometimes, particularly when there was something a lot more exciting going on with Celaena and Rowan or Dorian and Chaol.

“They had survived, when so many had not. And no one else could understand what it was like to bear it, unless they had lost as much.”

The Characters:

For me, in this book, I didn’t particularly like this Celaena. I mean, she was going through a lot, so I understand. But I just. It’s hard to watch someone you know, someone you love, go through all this hardship and break. It’s just really, really hard to see such a tough character crumble so easily like that, and we see that happen to her multiple times in this book. It’s a reality check, I guess. But still. Like, with the Valg princes, I just. I couldn’t. So while I love all of Celaena, the Celaena we see most in this book is a mess. She eventually comes back into herself, mastering her magic, training by herself at dawn and being a complete badass, but it takes a long, long while. Hopefully, we get to see her be more confident and sure as she takes on the mantle that is Aelin Ashryver Galathynius.

Okay, I’m going to be completely honest: I thought Aedion Ashryver was such a pompous asshole when I first met him. But even worse, because he has Ashryver blood. He’s cousins to Aelin. He’s...he’s supposed to be good. But then Chaol started tailing him, and we learn he’s been disappearing form his own parties. Ah. So he’s loyal after all. And as we read on, we learn he is very loyal. He would’ve become bound to Aelin by blood, bound to her like Rowan now is and stayed by her side for eternity. He would’ve done anything for her. And I think that really shows, especially at the end. He sacrifices himself, not for Chaol, but for the hope that is Aelin, knowing that Chaol will help Aelin, and perhaps be of more help than he is to her. He would’ve loved to see her one last time, but instead, he gives himself up. Damn, that Ashryver blood is nice.

Now. Let’s talk about Rowan Whitethorn. Random fact: I totally thought it was white-horn for the longest time. Oops. Anyways. Rowan. Fucking ass, I thought. Doesn’t talk to Celaena at all. Completely ruins her. Drags her down. Isn’t helpful at all. Any inkling of bonding moment they have, he breaks it off immediately afterwards. Thankfully though, Emrys (good ol’ Emrys) slaps some sense into him and he and Celaena aren’t on such a rocky edge anymore. Walking a tight rope instead of tight thread. They banter more, are more comfortable with each other. And then the soldiers of Adarlan come, Norrak and the Valg princes. And then things really shift. They are bound together for life, now. And Rowan, in Maeve’s palace, taking that whipping just. No. Celaena might not have wanted him to swear that bloodoath to her, but he needed to. An anchor, so to speak.

Now for another new character we meet: Sorscha. Now, I had no idea what to think of Sorscha. We learn of her infatuation with Dorian early on, and immediately I know it’s going to be acted upon because why else would we read from her PoV unless it’s truly important? But I’m glad Sorscha existed. Because Sorscha pulled Dorian out of whatever wallowing misery he was in and helped him hone his magic. Without Chaol, Sorscha was the only one he could kind of lean on. So to have that happen to her, at the end. We all were a mess, no doubt. Fucking distraught. Ruined. Hell.

And oh. Dorian. Poor, poor Dorian. Dorian for me really grows in this book. At first, I absolutely detested him. Like, I wanted to like him in the beginning, I really did. But then he found Aedion and Chaol talking and immediately thought of betrayal and consorting with the enemy. And he doesn’t even try to work with them. Doesn’t try to understand, to understand why Chaol kept the secrets. To think that, maybe, he could work with Celaena. Work with Aelin, to overthrow his father, so then they can all be better off. Nope. Doesn’t do that. Thankfully, he meets Sorscha. Sorscha is his one beacon of hope and light, especially after he kicks Chaol away to the curb. Sorscha helps him master his magic, and I think that’s really where Dorian’s turning point is. Dorian isn’t trying to suppress his powers anymore, but instead is learning how to control it, how to harness them. He is embracing who is, and I think that’s really important for him. Dorian, who has had basically no control over what he is and what he does for his entire life, finally has control over something. Very nice growth, Dorian. I’m proud. I can only hope that growth helps you survive whatever horrors your father will make you suffer through in QoS.

Now for Chaol. God, I didn’t think I liked Chaol. But Chaol is sacrificing so much. He sacrificed his dignity by going to his father for help. He sacrificed his friendship with Dorian to protect him. And he sacrificed his love for Celaena to protect her. Chaol is like the ultimate shadow-guard. Unfortunately, on the other hand, Chaol is also, like Dorian said, the only one who hasn’t let go yet. Celaena is breaking herself apart every single day in Wendlyn, training with Rowan, finally embracing her heritage. Dorian is...well. Dorian is stifling his magic, yes, but with good reason. Chaol, though, could do so much more, and he doesn’t. Yes, he works with Aedion and eventually comes up with something. But then that all goes to shits and pieces at the end. Everything they did, even that little bit he patched up with Dorian…all goes down the fucking drain with one summon from the king. Jfc, I could murder Chaol right now for his idiocy. Definitely not my favorite character in this book.

On the other hand, Emrys. Emrys I could totally get behind. Emrys is that really old uncle that no one knows how old he is and has all the cool stories and is just this useful presence. Doesn’t poke or prod, but is there when Celaena or Rowan needed a jab. Any of you watch Merlin? Because I don’t if it’s just the BBC show, if the real (real? was he real?) Merlin was actually called Emrys but I freaked when I read that name. Just a little. Internally.

Now, I mentioned above that the varying PoVs were a double-edged sword for me. Monan Blackbeak, we learn early on, is a witch. A deadly, cruel, fierce witch. And, at first, I just could not get through her chapters. But then we continued on. And we grew more attached to her. We learn she may not be as harsh as the rest of her compatriots, as cruel as the Yellowlegs heir. We actually sympathize with her, feel with her, even though she is being trained to ride her wyvern for the king. We actually (or, at least, I) begin to understand her, which is interesting. She chooses a bait beast for her wyvern. Abraxos. God, I love Abraxos. Abraxos sniffing those flowers when she tries to feed him a goat leg? That was hilarious. And I especially loved how HoF was basically watching Monan grow a heart. Like, she bonded with Abraxos and she saved Petrah and she hesitated with killing the Crochan witch. Still though, while I feel for her, she’s still Wing Leader, flying a squadron for the king and against our favorite characters. Can you imagine if she and Celaena came head-to-head? My hope is that Monan will one day see the light and meet up with our main gang and burn that glass palace to ruin.

“It would not take a monster to destroy a monster – but light, light to drive out darkness.”

My Questions

What does that Wyrd collar do?

We’ve seen the rings in action. We’ve seen them manipulate and hurt. But the collar. Does the collar mean that Dorian has no self-control whatsoever? He’s a puppet to his father? Or does it mean that it manipulates him into thinking he does have control, but in reality he doesn’t? How do we get it off? I want it off of Dorian! Now!

What the fuck is Celaena going to do about the fact that she hasn’t killed the royal family of Wendlyn? What the fuck is the king going to do to her?

Uh, I’m still holding out the hope that the Ashryvers will suddenly want to help their cousin.

What about the whole Dorian/Celaena/Chaol love triangle?

Um. Huh. Good question. I was nearly convinced it would be Chaol. But then. Well. Then there’s Rowan there. And Dorian has the same ice and wind power to extinguish Celaena’s fire like Rowan does, so that’s a nice match. And – the real deal breaker here, I think – was the part where Celaena questioned Rowan about mates and how she had attacked Chaol that one time and Rowan kind of avoided answering. That really made me question it. But still. There’s a major problem of the fact that they are heirs of two different kingdoms. What the fuck are they going to do about that? Can Celaena put Aedion on the throne? I suppose she could do that. Maybe she’ll do that. Celorian?

"She was the heir of ash and fire, and she would bow to no one.”