#also yes i made him complete opposite of his original self on purpose | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

samwisethewitch · 4 years

Text

Pagan Paths: Wicca

Wicca is the big granddaddy of neopagan religions. Most people who are familiar with modern paganism are specifically familiar with Wicca, and will probably assume that you are Wiccan if you tell them you identify as pagan. Thanks to pop culture and a handful of influential authors, Wicca has become the public face of modern paganism, for better or for worse.

Wicca is also one of the most accessible pagan religions, which is why I chose to begin our exploration of individual paths here. Known for its flexibility and openness, Wicca is about as beginner-friendly as it gets. While it definitely isn’t for everyone, it can be an excellent place to begin your pagan journey if you resonate with core Wiccan beliefs.

This post is not meant to be a complete introduction to Wicca. Instead, my goal here is to give you a taste of what Wiccans believe and do, so you can decide for yourself if further research would be worth your time. In that spirit, I provide book recommendations at the end of this post.

History and Background

Wicca was founded by Gerald Gardner, a British civil servant who developed an interest in the esoteric while living and working in Asia. Gardner claimed that, after returning to England, he was initiated into a coven of witches who taught him their craft. Eventually, he would leave this coven and start his own, at which point he began the work of bringing Wicca to the general public. In 1954, Garner published his book Witchcraft Today, which would have a great impact on the formation of Wicca, as would his 1959 book The Meaning of Witchcraft.

Gardner claimed that the rituals and teachings he received from his coven were incomplete — he attempted to fill in the gaps, which resulted in the creation of Wicca. Author Thea Sabin calls Wicca “a New Old Religion,” which is a good way to think about it. When Gardner wrote the first Wiccan Book of Shadows, he combined ancient and medieval folk practices from the British Isles with ceremonial magic dating back to the Renaissance and with Victorian occultism. These influences combined to create a thoroughly modern religion.

Wicca spread to the United States in the 1960s, at which time several new and completely American traditions were born. Some of these traditions are simply variations on Wicca, while others (like Feri and Reclaiming, which we’ll discuss in future posts) became unique, full-fledged spiritual systems in their own right. In America, Wicca collided with the counter-culture movement, and several activist groups began to combine the two. Wicca has continued to evolve through the decades, and is still changing and growing today.

There are two main “types” of Wicca which take very different approaches to the same deities and core concepts.

Traditional Wicca is Wicca that looks more or less like the practices of Gerald Gardner, Doreen Valiente, Alex Sanders, and other early Wiccan pioneers. Traditional Wiccans practice in ritual groups called covens. Rituals are typically highly formal and borrow heavily from ceremonial magic. Traditional Wicca is an initiatory tradition, which means that new members must be trained and formally inducted into the coven by existing members. This means that if you are interested in Traditional Wicca, you must find a coven or a mentor to train and initiate you. However, most covens do not place any limitations on who can join and be initiated, aside from being willing to learn.

Most Traditional Wiccan covens require initiates to swear an oath of secrecy, which keeps the coven’s central practices from being revealed to outsiders. However, there are traditional Wiccans who have gone public with their practice, such as the authors Janet and Stewart Farrar.

Eclectic Wicca is a solitary, non-initiatory form of Wicca, as made popular by author Scott Cunningham in his book Wicca: A Guide for the Solitary Practitioner. Eclectic Wiccans are self-initiated and may practice alone or with a coven, though coven work will likely be less central in their practice. There are very few rules in Eclectic Wicca, and Wiccans who follow this path often incorporate elements from other spiritual traditions, such as historical pagan religions or modern energy healing. Because of this, there are a wide range of practices that fall under the “Eclectic Wicca” umbrella. Really, this label refers to anyone who considers themselves Wiccan, follows the Wiccan Rede (see below), and does not belong to a Traditional Wiccan coven. The majority of people who self-identify as Wiccan fall into this group.

Core Beliefs and Values

Thea Sabin says in her book Wicca For Beginners that Wicca is a religion with a lot of theology (study and discussion of the nature of the divine) and no dogma (rules imposed by religious structures). As a religion, it offers a lot of room for independence and exploration. This can be incredibly empowering to Wiccans, but it does mean that it’s kind of hard to make a list of things all Wiccans believe or do. However, we can look at some basic concepts that show up in some form in most Wiccan practices.

Virtually all Wiccans live by the Wiccan Rede. This moral statement, originally coined by Doreen Valiente, is often summarized with the phrase, “An’ it harm none, do what ye will.”

Different Wiccans interpret the Rede in slightly different ways. Most can agree on the “harm none” part. Wiccans strive not to cause unnecessary harm or discomfort to any living thing, including themselves. Some Wiccans also interpet the word “will” to be connected to our spiritual drive, the part of us that is constantly reaching for our higher purpose. When interpreted this way, the Rede not only encourages us not to cause harm, but also to live in alignment with our own divine Will.

Wiccans experience the divine as polarity. Wiccans believe that the all-encompassing divinity splits itself (or humans split it into) smaller aspects that we can relate to. The first division of deity is into complimentary opposites: positive and negative, light and dark, life and death, etc. These forces are not antagonistic, but are two halves of a harmonious whole. In Wicca, this polarity is usually embodied by the pairing of the God and Goddess (see below).

Wiccans experience the divine as immanent in daily life. In the words of author Deborah Lipp, “the sacredness of the human being is essential to Wicca.” Wiccans see the divine present in all people and all things. The idea that sacred energy infuses everything in existence is a fundamental part of the Wiccan worldview.

Wiccans believe nature is sacred. In the Wiccan worldview, the earth is a physical manifestation of the divine, particularly the Goddess. By attuning with nature and living in harmony with its cycles, Wiccans attune themselves with the divine. This means that taking care of nature is an important spiritual task for many Wiccans.

Wiccans accept that magic is real and can be used as a ritual tool. Not all Wiccans do magic, but all Wiccans accept that magic exists. For many covens and solitary practitioners, magic is an essential part of religious ritual. For others, magic is a practice that can be used not only to connect with the gods, but also to improve our lives and achieve our goals.

Many Wiccans believe in reincarnation, and some may incorporate past life recall into their spiritual practice. Some Wiccans believe that our souls are made of cosmic energy, which is recycled into a new soul after our deaths. Others believe that our soul survives intact from one lifetime to the next. Many famous Wiccan authors have written about their past lives and how reconnecting with those lives informed their practice.

Important Deities and Spirits

The central deities of Wicca are the Goddess and the God. They are two halves of a greater whole, and are only two of countless possible manifestations of the all-encompassing divine. The God and Goddess are lovers, and all things are born from their union.

Though some Wiccan traditions place a greater emphasis on the Goddess than on the God, the balance between these two expressions of the divine plays an important role in all Wiccan practices (remember, polarity is one of the core values of this religion).

The Goddess is the Divine Mother. She is the source of all life and fertility. She gives birth to all things, yet she is also the one who receives us when we die. Although she forms a duality in her relationship with the God, she also contains the duality of life and death within herself. While the God’s nature is ever-changing, the Goddess is constant and eternal.

The Goddess is strongly associated with both the moon and the earth. As the Earth Mother, she is especially associated with fertility, abundance, and nurturing. As the Moon Goddess, she is associated with wisdom, secret knowledge, and the cycle of life and death.

Some Wiccans see the goddess as having three main aspects: the Maiden, the Mother, and the Crone. The Maiden is associated with youth, innocence, and new beginnings; she is the embodiment of both the springtime and the waxing moon. The Mother is associated with parenthood and birth (duh), abundance, and fertility; she is the embodiment of the summer (and sometimes fall) and of the full moon. The Crone is associated with death, endings, and wisdom; she is the embodiment of winter and of the waning moon. Some Wiccans believe this Triple Goddess model is an oversimplification, or complain that it is based on outdated views on womanhood, but for others it is the backbone of their practice.

Symbols that are traditionally used to represent the Goddess include a crescent moon or an image of the triple moon (a full moon situated between a waxing and a waning crescent), a cup or chalice, a cauldron, the color silver, and fresh flowers.

The God is the Goddess’s son, lover, and consort. He is equal parts wise and feral, gentle and fierce. He is associated with sex and by extension with potential (it could be said that while the Goddess rules birth, the God rules conception), as well as with the abundance of the harvest. He is the spark of life, which is shaped by the Goddess into all that is.

The God is strongly associated with animals, and he is often depicted with horns to show his association with all things wild. As the Horned God he is especially wild and fierce.

The God is also strongly associated with the sun. As a solar god he is associated with the agricultural year, from the planting and germination to the harvest. While the Goddess is constant, the God’s nature changes with the seasons.

In some Wiccan traditions, the God is associated with plant growth. He may be honored as the Green Man, a being which represents the growth of spring and summer. This vegetation deity walks the forests and fields, with vines and leaves sprouting from his body.

Symbols that are traditionally used to represent the God include phalluses and phallic objects, knives and swords, the color gold, horns and antlers, and ripened grain.

Many covens, both Traditional and Eclectic, have their own unique lore around the God and the Goddess. Usually, this lore is oathbound, meaning it cannot be shared with those outside the group.

Many Wiccans worship other deities besides the God and Goddess. These deities may come from historical pantheons, such as the Greek or Irish pantheon. A Wiccan may work with the God and Goddess with their coven or on special holy days (see below), but work with other deities that are more closely connected to their life and experiences on a daily basis. Wiccans view all deities from all religions and cultures as extensions of the same all-encompassing divine force.

Wiccan Practice

Most Wiccans use the circle as the basis for their rituals. This ritual structure forms a liminal space between the physical and spiritual worlds, and the Wiccan who created the circle can choose what beings or energies are allowed to enter it. The circle also serves the purpose of keeping the energy raised in ritual contained until the Wiccan is ready to release it. Casting a circle is fairly easy and can be done by anyone — simply walk in a clockwise circle around your ritual space, laying down an energetic barrier. Some Wiccans use the circle in every magical or spiritual working, while others only use it when honoring the gods or performing sacred rites.

While it is on one level a practical ritual tool, the circle is also a representation of the Wiccan worldview. Circles are typically cast by calling the four quarters (the four compass points of the cardinal directions), which are associated with the four classical elements: water, earth, fire, and air. Some (but not all) Wiccans also work with a fifth element, called spirit or aether. The combined presence of the elements makes the circle a microcosm of the universe.

Casting a circle requires the Wiccan to attune themselves to these elements and to honor them in a ritual setting. This is referred to as calling the quarters. When a Wiccan calls the quarters, they will move from one cardinal point to the next (usually starting with east or north), greet the spirits associated with that direction/element, and invite them to participate in the ritual. (If spirit/aether is being called, the direction it is associated with is directly up, towards the heavens.) This is done after casting the circle, but before beginning the ritual.

What happens within a Wiccan ritual varies a lot — it depends on the Wiccan, their preferences, and their goals for that ritual. However, nearly all Wiccan religious rites begin with the casting of the circle and calling of the quarters. (Some would argue that a ritual that doesn’t include these elements cannot be called Wiccan.)

When the ritual is completed, the quarters must be dismissed and the circle taken down. Wiccans typically dismiss the quarters by moving from one cardinal point to the next (often in the reverse of the order used to call the quarters), thanking the spirits of that quarter, and politely letting them know that the ritual is over. The circle is taken down (or “taken up,” as it is called in some traditions) in a similar way, with the person who cast the circle moving around it counterclockwise and removing the energetic barrier they created. This effectively ends the ritual.

There are eight main holy days in Wicca, called the sabbats. These celebrations, based on Germanic and Celtic pagan festivals, mark the turning points on the Wheel of the Year, i.e., the cycle of the seasons. By honoring the sabbats, Wiccans attune themselves with the natural rhythms of the earth and actively participate in the turning of the wheel.

The sabbats include:

Samhain (October 31): Considered by many to be the “witch’s new year,” this Celtic fire festival has historic ties to Halloween. Samhain is primarily dedicated to the dead. During this time of year, the otherworld is close at hand, and Wiccans can easily connect with their loved ones who have passed on. Wiccans might celebrate Samhain by building an ancestor altar or holding a feast with an extra plate for the dead. Samhain is the third of the three Wiccan harvest festivals, and it is a joyous occasion despite its association with death. (By the way, this sabbat’s name is pronounced “SOW-en,” not “Sam-HANE” as it appears in many movies and TV shows.)

Yule/Winter Solstice (December 21): Yule is a celebration of the return of light and life on the longest night of the year. Many Wiccans recognize Yule as the symbolic rebirth of the God, heralding the new plant and animal life soon to follow. Yule celebrations are based on Germanic traditions and have a lot in common with modern Christmas celebrations. Wiccans might celebrate Yule by decorating a Yule tree, lighting lots of candles or a Yule log, or exchanging gifts.

Imbolc (February 1): This sabbat, based on an Irish festival, is a celebration of the first stirrings of life beneath the blanket of winter. The spark of light that returned to the world at Yule is beginning to grow. Imcolc is a fire festival, and is often celebrated with the lighting of candles and lanterns. Wiccans may also perform ritual cleansings at this time of year, as purification is another theme of this festival.

Ostara/Spring Equinox (March 21): Ostara is a joyful celebration of the new life of spring, with ties to the Christian celebration of Easter. Plants are beginning to bloom, baby animals are being born, and the God is growing in power. Wiccans might celebrate Ostara by dying eggs or decorating their homes and altars with fresh flowers. In some covens, Ostara celebrations have a special focus on children, and so may be less solemn than other sabbats.

Beltane (May 1): Beltane is a fertility festival, pure and simple. Many Wiccans celebrate the sexual union of the God and Goddess, and the resulting abundance, at this sabbat. This is also one of the Celtic fire festivals, and is often celebrated with bonfires if the weather permits. The fae are said to be especially active at Beltane. Wiccans might celebrate Beltane by making and dancing around a Maypole, honoring the fae, or celebrating a night of R-rated fun with friends and lovers.

Litha/Midsummer/Summer Solstice (June 21): At the Summer Solstice, the God is at the height of his power and the Goddess is said to be pregnant with the harvest. Like Beltane, Midsummer is sometimes celebrated with bonfires and is said to be a time when the fae are especially active. Many Wiccans celebrate Litha as a solar festival, with a special focus on the God as the Sun.

Lughnasadh/Lammas (August 1): Lughnasadh (pronounced “loo-NAW-suh”) is an Irish harvest festival, named after the god Lugh. In Wicca, Lughnasadh/Lammas is a time to give thanks for the bounty of the earth. Lammas comes from “loaf mass,” and hints at this festival’s association with grain and bread. Wiccans might celebrate Lughnasadh by baking bread or by playing games or competitive sports (activities associated with Lugh).

Mabon/Fall Equinox (September 21): Mabon is the second Wiccan harvest festival, sometimes called “Wiccan Thanksgiving,” which should give you a good idea of what Mabon celebrations look like. This is a celebration of the abundance of the harvest, but tinged with the knowledge that winter is coming. Some Wiccans honor the symbolic death of the God at Mabon (others believe this takes place at Samhain or Lughnasadh). Wiccan Mabon celebrations often include a lot of food, and have a focus on giving thanks for the previous year.

Aside from the sabbats, some Wiccans also celebrate esbats, rituals honoring the full moons. Wiccan authors Janet and Stewart Farrar wrote that, while sabbats are public festivals to be celebrated with the coven, esbats are more private and personal. Because of this, esbat celebrations are typically solitary and vary a lot from one Wiccan to the next.

Further Reading

If you want to investigate Wicca further, there are a few books I recommend depending on which approach to Wicca you feel most drawn to. No matter which approach you are most attracted to, I recommend starting with Wicca For Beginners by Thea Sabin. This is an excellent introduction to Wiccan theology and practice, whether you want to practice alone or with a coven.

If you are interested in Traditional Wicca, I recommend checking out A Witches’ Bible by Janet and Stewart Farrar after you finish Sabin’s book. Full disclosure: I have a lot of issues with this book. Parts of it were written as far back as the 1970s, and it really hasn’t aged well in terms of politics or social issues. However, it is the most detailed guide to Traditional Wicca I have found, so I recommend it for that reason. Afterwards, I recommend reading Casting a Queer Circle by Thista Minai, which presents a system similar to Traditional Wicca with less emphasis on binary gender. After you learn the basics from the Farrars, Minai’s book can help you figure out how to adjust the Traditional Wiccan system to work for you.

If you are interested in Eclectic Wicca, I recommend Wicca: A Guide for the Solitary Practitioner and Living Wicca by Scott Cunningham. Cunningham is the author who popularized Eclectic Wicca, and his work remains some of the best on the subject. Wicca is an introduction to solitary Eclectic Wicca, while Living Wicca is a guide for creating your own personalized Wiccan practice.

Resources:

Wicca For Beginners by Thea Sabin

Wicca: A Guide for the Solitary Practitioner by Scott Cunningham

Living Wicca by Scott Cunningham

A Witches’ Bible by Janet and Stewart Farrar

The Study of Witchcraft by Deborah Lipp

#paganism 101 #pagan #paganism #baby pagan #wicca #wiccan #traditional wicca #eclectic wicca #scott cunningham #thea sabin #janet and stewart farrar #witch #witchcraft #witchblr #baby witch #long post #mine #my writing #witches of tumblr

726 notes · View notes

crusherthedoctor · 3 years

Text

Let’s try this again...

So for those of you who can’t currently see asks, I was informed in an ask about this statement by Ian Flynn in regards to why IDW Eggman acted the opposite of a respectable, well-characterized Eggman during the zombot arc:

Needless to say, this Steamed my Hams. Here’s why. (Credit to @beevean and @colony-drop-program for several additional points.)

In SA1, Eggman was constantly one step ahead of the heroes by swiping their emeralds, had both Chaos and the Egg Carrier operating at the same time, resorted to a missile when both were seemingly dealt with (which only turned out to be a dud cause of bad luck), and revealed a second Egg Carrier in the event that Chaos would betray him. And in the case of the missile - he was clearly at his wit’s end by that point, and suicide attacks on the brink of a villainous breakdown are common among many villains, including clever schemers... like Eggman.

In SA2, Eggman suspected there was a fake emerald in the mist that the heroes wanted to use to trick him, so he set up a situation perfectly in a way that would reveal which one it is.

In Battle, he was able to drive Emerl insane with energy in case the robot defeated him in battle.

In Unleashed, the game starts with Eggman setting up a trap based on the expectation that he would know exactly how Sonic (or rather, Super Sonic) would react, and it worked flawlessly. And upon learning that Dark Gaia woke up too early and his spawn were scattered all across the planet, Eggman managed to lure Dark Gaia spawn to him, and he still able to create Eggmanland and did his best to prevent Sonic from reaching the final temple.

Even in ‘06, he had that trap where he sent Sonic and Co to the future. It may have relied on the heroes being stupid, but it still counts as Eggman preparing for something.

Even in Heroes, arguably his most pathetic role in the game canon due to being locked in a room by his own creation for the whole game, he still had the initiative to hire the Chaotix into getting him out. And Metal Sonic’s flaws with his own plan... are Metal Sonic’s. Not Eggman’s. Metal Sonic didn’t take control of Eggman’s plan, he came up with his own plan to begin with. Metal’s failings in Heroes are not in any way, shape or form the fault of Ivo’s, and I don’t know why this example was even mentioned.

And keep in mind, these are just the games where Eggman was still upstaged. We’re not even going into the games that KEPT him as the top dog from start to finish, like in Sonic 3 & Knuckles where he’s constantly doing everything he can to stall you from reaching the Death Egg (which implies planning at least some of it in advance), Rush Adventure where he created the pirates as a proxy to search out the Jeweled Scepter, Colours where he kept his mind control cannon a secret, Generations where he teamed up with his past self in order to tame the Time Eater, Lost World where he brought a Cacophonic Conch with him to subjugate the Deadly Six, then bounced his way back up even after they stole his tech, and everything in Forces (storing Phantom Ruby copies, the artificial sun plot in case the Death Egg was destroyed, being able to dispose of Infinite in case he acted up, keeping the real Phantom Ruby for himself, even having a second mech inside the first mech in case the latter was destroyed).

Hell, the entire reason he set up a racing tournament in the original Sonic Riders was so that he could uncover the Babylon Garden.

And didn’t Flynn himself write that Mega Drive comic from a while back? The one where Eggman made a similar SA2-style bargain ploy for the last Ancient Gear, only to then reveal he had the other Gears already once he got it?

Eggman may be careless at times, with occasional details, but he’s not a Mephiles-tier moron who doesn’t understand the concept of a plan or strategy. He’s a mastermind, with many elaborate plots over the years to live up to that title, and when he’s not planning things out in advance, he’s just as quick to improvise or take advantage of the situation as best as he can.

He knew what would happen with Chaos upon feeding him Chaos Emeralds, because...

He knew something would happen with Dark Gaia, because...

(He also proceeded to kidnap Professor Pickle for the specific purpose of obtaining even more information on the subject.)

And while he may not have known exactly what Project Shadow was at the time, he still knew its existence in the first place (and by proxy, the ARK’s existence), because...

...And he brought a Chaos Emerald along with him. And knew the password, “Maria”.

There is no excuse for the doctor to just shrug and do absolutely nothing upon being informed about a potential error in his plan. The fact that Ian Flynn - a man who has worked with this character for over a decade, and thus by all means should know this character by the back of his hand - completely disregards this official, canonical element of the main villain of a 30 year old franchise, only makes me less willing to trust any of the characters’ handling under his pen. And that’s putting aside how questionably handled everyone else has been in IDW.

And you might say “But it’s IDW, it’s a different interpretation”. But here’s the thing: it’s following off of Forces, a game where Eggman was at his brilliant best. There’s no way you can go from his backup-plan-after-backup-plan strategy from that game, to his DarkSydePhil-tier “nothing I could do dood” showing in this comic, and chalk it up to anything other than, at best, an extreme display of inconsistency. And as far as we know, this isn’t even the cause of those mandates that everyone loves to point to... this was all Flynn.

So yes. If I wasn’t certain that Flynn’s widespread fandom status as the Best Sonic Writer of all time, every time, was just a teensy, tiny bit exaggerated... I am now. I may be an Eggman fan, so naturally that does fuel my annoyance with his statement on the doc, but I’d be just as annoyed if it were any other character who was blatantly misinterpreted to this degree, even if it were a character I was apathetic to or even flat out disliked.

Best Writers™ do not selectively choose how characters from long lasting IPs act. You can experiment with a character. You can play around with a character’s traits. But you can’t turn a character completely inside out and expect it to work just like that.

It doesn’t work.

/RantOver

#Sonic the Hedgehog #Dr. Eggman

103 notes · View notes

mc-critical · 3 years

Note

So I was rewatching some of MYK Season 2 and it had me thinking..do you notice the insane amount of parallels and overall similarities in character arcs between MYK’s Beyazied (Gulbahar’s son) and MY’s Mustafa (Mahi’s son?). Both had a sense of undying loyalty and love/respect to the respective sultans of their time while also meeting their demise at the sultan’s hands, both maintaining positive relationships with their half-siblings despite opposition from their enviornments, both being the only children of mothers who weren’t favorites but were extremely politically ambitious and skilled. Both being princes popular with the janissaries of their time and were seen as a looming threat towards the sultan’s power. I even feel like like Beyazied and Mustafa were similar in their disposition and sense of justice and morality. Tell me am I wrong here because I really can’t unsee it they feel so similar to me😭

Yes, MCK Bayezid and MC Mustafa share the same character archetype (hence why they have the parallels you mentioned), but that's the only thing they're similar in for me. The archetype is only a baseline for both of their characters - their development goes in a very different direction.

The thing that sets them apart the most from the start, is that Mustafa's strenghts and flaws are shaped more by sheer personality, while Bayezid is a character shaped more by curcumstance. That leaves room for more development for Bayezid where he eventually changes his stance on people around him, while despite of every hint of change, intrigue or word of advice, Mustafa's principles and beliefs stay the same.

Both Mustafa and Bayezid have a missing part of their lives that shapes their flaws, but that part is different in both of them. No matter how much support Bayezid seemingly had, he always missed his mother and wanted to see her face he's long forgotten, he wanted to see her all the more with each and every letter of hers. And once that chance presents itself, thanks to Murat, no less (good job, lad, good job, indeed....), he would surely want to see his back from exile mother in a good light, despite of all the wrongs she has done. That's why Gülbahar was Bayezid's blind spot. His love and respect for his mother goes beyond comforting her, defending her, hiding her mistakes and saving her from death, something that Mustafa would be also likely to do - with each event passing, Bayezid also begins to listen to her more and more, becomes convinced of her words that he's born in a middle of a war and sets himself even further against Murat and Kösem. Mustafa, on the other hand, has always been next to Mahidevran in every step of the way, with everyone around him avoiding their separation at all costs, hence he can be much more independent of her perspective. She can only go so far with opposing Mustafa's decisions, he always ends up choosing to do what he sees as right and just, even when his beliefs are challanged. He doesn't let his beliefs to be challanged by anyone. He doesn't want to let his beliefs to be challanged by anyone. He loves his mother deeply and he's also developed a need to protect her at all costs, but that need is based on his awareness of all she has experienced and to prevent her to suffer or worry ever again, not out of missing her whole self, which makes it a need outside of Mustafa's own predicament and decisions.

Mustafa wanting to keep his principles firm originates from his wish to prove himself to his father. Süleiman is Mustafa's blind spot. We see how much he wants to be next to him and have his attention even when he was little and since Mustafa was given a sense of purpose ever since then, too (while Bayezid has been living a life where he didn't yet see the dangers of the world in their fullest extent before Murat's complete downfall and before Gülbahar; he even mentioned to her that he didn't want the throne, even though he was constantly suspected of betraying Murat.), sure he would want to prove himself worthy and follow what SS (and Ibro and Mahi to an extent, too, but especially SS) has taught him when it came to ruling. (like when he chose justice instead of SS's order in E92, which, even though he disobeyed, wouldn't be right or just, since that person was slandered. Musti revealed that he acted like what SS has told him in the past, it being justice is most important.) Even when his father acted against him, Mustafa trusted him blindly, refusing to believe that a father could ever kill his son, even in close probability, no matter what everyone else around him said. (he wrote the letter when Cihangir told him of SS's words in E123, but Musti went to SS anyway, his trust being much stronger than his biggest inkling of suspicion.) He loved him too much, even when he slowly came to realize the growing wedge between them, never succumbing to the temptation to directly rebel against him. (except the kaftan situation, where his trust was directly put into question by a supposed action of his and even then Musti went to merely confront him and die as a warrior if it lead up to this, not kill him, and the trust became stronger than ever afterwards.) Bayezid, on the other hand, always sensed the danger Murat posed in some way, and he realized that no matter how much he proved his loyalty at first and refused drastic action at first, he would always keep suspecting him. Bayezid was allowed to see Murat in his biggest cruelty, at one point, Bayezid didn't see him as fit to rule anymore and was more than ready to dethrone him after an act too cruel by him in Bayezid's eyes. Even when he respected Murat, Bayezid didn't seem to want to prove his worth as much to him or to have gained his principles and beliefs by him and the bond between them wasn't as close, not for Bayezid. The cruelty of the world and Murat's own cruelty grew more and more, hence Bayezid became more open to criticize them and more ruthless, as a result of this. He strived to evade his wrath more than anything. And at one time, there was no turning back now between Murat and Bayezid, which also played a part in his execution.

The way Mustafa views Hürrem and the way Bayezid views Kösem are both very different, too. While I don't feel Mustafa completely hated Hürrem, per say and even in S04, he was rather done with her bullcrap than anything else, he had some resentment for her. He was aware that she played a part in Mahidevran's suffering and sensed that Hürrem giving birth hurts his mother. Still, he knew where the line was: he respected her position as a Sultana and the mother of his brothers, didn't blame her instinctively, didn't fault Cihangir for choosing his own mother in the kaftan sutuation and was willing to listen even in the peak of his resentment. (in E121, where he didn't believe that she wasn't behind the trap.) Bayezid had a more familial bond with Kösem, since she was like a mother to him when his real mother was missing. I feel he appreciated all the care she took for him and even loved her until a point. But once he turned against her, the mutual respect between them was gone completely, with him eventually discarding all she did for him and Kösem disowning him. His resentment for Kösem slowly grew through Gülbahar: the seeds were planted with the letters she was sending to him, which made Bayezid feel he didn't belong, opening a hole in his heart, and then Bayezid being open to listen to Gülbahar more and more with her setting him against both Murat and Kösem. Bayezid tied Kösem to Murat, while in truth, she acted outside of him. Bayezid eventually became convinced that Kösem was a danger. But while circumstances also helped, him standing "on the other side of the war" was bound to break them apart. Bayezid and Kösem already had different goals. The more he sided with Gülbahar's view, the more that cemented their rift. He fully stood against her once she confronted him about him hiding Gülbahar, that made him give up on her to the point he agreed to have her killed in the Eski Saray, since then it would be easier to take down Murat. Despite of Mahidevran's view and experiences, Mustafa's resentment of Hürrem grew because of her own actions: all her attempts to kill him are what made him embittered towards her to the point of him declaring that he won't have mercy on her and Rüstem. He views her actions separately from those of Süleiman- he's aware that she's trying to eliminate him with all her might and that she could maybe involve Süleiman in that, too, but still strives to see a bigger picture. All that is why his actions against her are more defensive than they're offensive and only go so far as to show her her place in some way, not to directly try to kill her, since he regards the feelings of his siblings, too. He sees her and Rüstem as a tandem in S04, but even then he would do actions more against Rüstem than against Hürrem.

I would say that Mustafa has a better relationship with his brothers than Bayezid. He truly loves them a lot and always considers what they have to say, no matter what, but his brothers themselves, even Selim, loved him, too, and never got in conflict with him, expect for the aftermath of him saving Selim from the janissaries, some side scenes with Mehmet when they made amends almost immediately or that one case where they both were little. And he indeed never stops caring about them. I wouldn't say the same for Bayezid, however. While he did share the same affection Mustafa had for his brothers at first, Kasim always had a strained relationship with him and it kept getting more and more strained by each day (even Ibrahim resented him at one point, too). And yes, truly, Bayezid did try to reach out for him many times, Kasim seeing Bayezid and Gülbahar's secret firsthand and the whole Kalika situation sealed things between them to the point of no return. He set himself against Kasim completely, turning out that Gülbahar succeeded to drive the wedge between them. (of course, Mahidevran also had this similar intent, but what I found interesting with her is that, E55 aside, she mostly tried to make Mustafa look at them merely as rivals and in E69 she did tell him that his love for them made her proud regardless; I'm preparing a whole post about comparing Gülbahar and Mahidevran I hope I'll finish some day ahahah) By deciding to take what's rightfully his, Bayezid disregarded his brothers, too. (I understand why he did, but still.) His perspective on them changed just like everything else.

I agree that both Mustafa and Bayezid have a sense of justice, but while Mustafa's justice is based more on morals, principles, nobility, familial bonds and "doing the right thing" in general, Bayezid's justice becomes more "warped". Bayezid sees many injustices done to him or his mother and no matter how much he held back from acting the way his supporters wanted him to, he comes to respond to the injustice with injustice, as well. Or worse yet, he already views the injustice as justice. He perceives leaving his previous, "purer" principles behind as what is right and since he's in a war, he's already ready to do "whatever it takes" to ascend the throne. It's like he restrained himself for too long while reality around him ensued. Mustafa was always aware of this reality, even if deep down inside, even when he was trying to deny it when it came to SS, yet he chose not to leave "his own self" behind. Despite of all the intrigues against him, he responded to the injustice with justice. He held onto this until the end. He held onto this in spite of every opposition or injustice. And yes, both of these approaches were to Mustafa and Bayezid's detriments, respectively, in their distinct circumstances.

Sure, both of Mustafa and Bayezid did "the right thing" prior to their executions (going to SS - choosing not to go to the persian şah as a way out). It was expected for Mustafa, due to his established character and flaws, but for Bayezid it has become the exception - I saw him as more irritated that Gülbahar and Sinan worked behind his back when he told them not to a while ago, but maybe when he didn't succeed to do what he attempted to get on the throne, he decided that he'd rather die, but not run. And his mother's safety was still his first priority, even in death. Even then he didn't exactly realize his mistake, rather that he would be executed for it, since he still acted high and mighty in front of Kösem. Mustafa wasn't really aware of why SS called him in the first place, he wasn't aware of the intrigue with the letter, he didn't know what went wrong, hence he didn't have a true reason to doubt all that, despite of the words of everyone else, so of course he approached the situation like he typically would. It was only Cihangir's words to him where the doubt appeared and he still didn't back down on his decision. Bayezid took a more immediate decision based on curcumstance (with one scene with him ruminating in his chambers), while Mustafa took the decision he usually would. They were both executed by their fathers, but due to different reasons and even before the executions and with their once same foundation as characters, both of them acted differently here.

Though no matter how different they turn out to be in hindsight for me, I still consider MCK Bayezid as a response to MC Mustafa anyway - what MC Mustafa would've been if he let curcumstance influence him and decided to act against his father. (I also did mention in your previous ask about Mustafa that the fandom does tend to view him as MCK Bayezid's exact copy sometimes, but that isn't quite true.) When the crippling realization that your parent could disregard you comes through and you decide not to stand by that and let your survival instinct kick in, after all. Anyhow, I find both of them very interesting to compare and contrast and I love both of their characters, so thanks for giving me the chance to delve into this topic at last. ^^

#magnificent century #muhteşem yüzyıl #muhtesem yuzyil #magnificent century: kösem #magnificent century kösem #magnificent century kosem #sehzade mustafa #sehzade bayezid #ask #stuffandthangs

26 notes · View notes

tangentgrammar · 2 years

Text

Dirk Strider: The Ideal Pain in My Fuckin’ Ass

By tangentGrammar

A jackass with too much big brain for the rest of us peasants (class structure pun intended) and playwright by the name of William Shakespeare once pontificated that “All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players,” a point which we’ll get back to later when it becomes relevant, at least as relevant as it can be considering the fact that this whole thing is a meditation on some fictional jackass from a webcomic that keeled the entire hell over like, what, 6 years ago? Shit went full Titanic. I mean, Celine Dion herself showed up to lament over a bunch of stupid rich people dying (surprise surprise, the sun still ’rose’ the next day, pun intended) from an iceberg that, in this metaphor, either represents ‘canon’ and its ability to ‘sink ships,’ as it were, (or as it weren’t, whatever sinks your boat) OR the ouroborosian nature of internet fandom culture, enjoying and not shutting even a singular hell up about a thing to the point of smothering both it and the surrounding environment with their borderline sexual obsession of aforementioned thing. Actually, it’s probably both. And yes, the irony that I’m making commentary about fandom despite being a part of that fandom doesn’t escape me. I digress, because of course the hell I do, and if you don’t like it then don’t even pretend like you were able to follow Homestuck at all. My digressions are the tame rodent chihuahua offshoot equivalent of wolves in comparison to what that orange-skinned author is capable of (as opposed to the orange-skinned president, both equally inflammatory but on opposite ends of the intellectual spectrum, and if I gotta fuckin tell you which side Hussie is supposed to be on because it’s not obvious to you, then I call into question why you continue to read a critique of Dirk Strider written by some jackass, who, for all intents and purposes, might as well be Dirk Strider).

Let’s start with hobbies. Everybody who has the capacity to give a shit has them, myself included. But that’s the Strider conundrum: they pretend they don’t have hobbies out of crippling fear of no longer being a cool guy, because as we all know, you can’t be cool and also enjoy life. That shit is for sissies. See, that ‘aloof cool guy’ shtik would work on an artificial simulacra of said cool guy, wherein the simulacra’s distinct and genuine inability to care (on account of it being programmed such that the ability to care wasn’t ever a consideration) did not hinder its ability to process, on account of its spiritless and inherently inhuman nature. But that’s just it: Dirk isn’t an artificial, inhuman simulacra of Dirk. Infinitely numerous timelines and iterations of Dirk be damned! Dirk Strider is Dirk Strider’s timeline’s own Dirk– he’s the original. He is not a simulacra, and the only ‘versions of Dirk’ that are simulacras are Lil’ Cal, Sawtooth, Squarewave, Lil’ Hal, and Brobot, all of which were made by Dirk, except for Lil’ Cal, and wouldn’t you know it, that’s the sunnuvabitch what that corrupts him. Point is, Dirk is Dirk is Dirk is Dirk, and if he’d shut his own hell up and realize how much he enjoyed making those simulacras he would realize that that means he has a hobby, and by the transitive property makes him a human being with the ability to give a shit. Self-loathing? Elimin8ed. Semi-subconsious narrative that he’s a bad person that he is constantly justifying? Gone, motherfucker, reduced to atoms. Hotel? Tri-fuckin-vago.

Dirk’s attempts at self-actualization are incredibly noble, and his character arc is complete when he finally relinquishes his attempt at controlling the external narrative using dominance (and in so doing, roleplaying the Lord class) and passive service of others (roleplaying the Knight class), and starts attempting to control his own personal narrative by helping his friends progress emotionally rather than narratively. Where he falls short is in continually justifying his narrative that he’s not a good person. In [S] Unite Synchronization, he does what a Prince of Heart should be expected to do, which is destroy, both through the idea of self and the idea of self itself: he does so by bypassing the everloving shit out of everyone's emotional turmoil in a way that suggests that he refuses to allow his friends to drag out their entry into Sburb the same way the beta kids did, but he does so in a way that doesn’t command the respect due of a leader, friend, or even fellow human being. His method, while still effective at fulfilling his classpect’s role, was overly-flashy stoneface’d Tony Hawk-esque bullshit at best and aggressive macro-management of his friends at worst. He denied Roxy the chance to prove herself and revive Jane, he denied Jane the opportunity to figure her own shit out, and he forced Jake to reverse-Dirkapitate him via clearly homoerotic kiss. Had Dirk been a healthier individual, he might have actively destroyed his friends’ negative perceptions of themselves (by say, giving them task direction so they don’t have time to wallow in self-pity) and helped them through their troubles in a way that still ultimately served to his benefit by way of entering the game, gathering hella sicknasty amounts of Grist, et cetera et gogdamn cetera.

Shakespeare’s claim that the world’s a stage is only valid when you account for his perspective: the world being a stage makes sense to him because his world literally was a stage. To him, that was a way of saying ‘we worry too much about our own destinies when our scripts are already written. All that is required of us is to do as we will,’ but to an unhealthy person, the world being nothing but a stage is incredibly nihilistic; if the script is already written and the actual act of existence is basically a formality, what the hell is the point of giving a shit about anything?? Existence becomes a fuckin basketball, bouncing through space-time at the whims of some unseen Shaquille O’Neal; impressive to watch but ultimately pointless, as all basketballs are. For this part of the analysis, I’m assuming that Dirk has read that quote from Shakespeare before, as I believe it to be in-character, and that even if he hasn’t, he canonically, factually sees himself as a character rather than a person. I mean, he is just a character, but his attempts at acknowledging this mirror real-world neuroses, the likes of which people who watch too much reality tv exhibit by becoming upset at the lack of interpersonal drama in their own lives. Dirk has three things going against him in this sense. One, he lacks the perspective of an actor. Two, he watches too much anime. And three, Dirk Strider is not healthy. In lacking the actor’s perspective, knowing the world’s a stage leads to the aforementioned nihilism. In watching so much anime and identifying so much with characters, simulacras in their own right of real, actual people, he mimics their attitudes and begins believing himself to be a simulacra of a real person. And in being unhealthy, we see the previous two factors compound and come crashing down like the Great Wave off Kanagawa (fantastic painting, by the way) upon our titular Strider’s poor little soul.

Even if he had the prior two afflictions, a healthy Dirk would make the conscious decision to do something with himself, and in so doing, be able to control his narrative and start gatekeep-gaslight-girlbossing his way to the top like the adorkable badass he is, which wouldn’t ya know it, is exactly what BrainGhost Dirk does. Dirk’s ‘redemption arc’ was in accepting that he could control himself and only himself, and that everything and everyone else were only subject to suggestion rather than domination.

Consider this case closed like the shutters of the buildings in a Wild-Western town during high noon as two men at odds approach the town square from opposite directions, tumbleweed tossing about ominously in the wind, wandering as wayward as whoever survives the inevitable duel is destined to.

TG out, 8itches.

#homestuck #dirk strider #hs dirk #dirk homestuck #essay #character analysis

4 notes · View notes

quazartranslates · 3 years

Text

Welcome to the Nightmare Game II - CH43

**This is an edited machine translation. For more information, please [click here]**

[<<< Previous Chapter | Table of Contents | Next Chapter >>>]

-----

Chapter 43: Star Death Reality Show (XXVI)

Just like watching a poor lamb trapped in a hunter's snare, wailing would not arouse the compassion of a seasoned hunter. On the contrary, the hunter would only be excited about the delicious food dying.

Looking at Qi Leren who had been struck by lightning, Su He said faintly, "I know many ways to avoid contracts, but it’s not easy to do. Most of the methods are one-off skills or items, or there is an extremely long cooldown time. Even if you don't have one… It’s best to be careful."

Qi Leren gawked at Su He, as if he had been drained of all his strength. He didn't say a word for a long time, and his lowered head did not show anger. Only his eyelashes were shaking, as if he was almost unable to bear such a failure, and he was crying.

This long silence was not ridiculous, but sad.

It was like watching a gambler at the end of his rope, piling up all the chips on the gambling table and then losing everything.

Everything that followed seemed to be a mechanical repetition. Qi Leren once again signed his name on the parchment with no facial expression, and the signed letters were distorted by his shaking. At the moment when he put down his pen, his spine seemed to be knocked out section by section, slumping on his chair and silently watching the sunrise.

A rising sun that would never rise.

"Can I leave now?" Qi Leren asked softly, looking deeply tired.

"Anytime, but I suggest you stay a little longer or even get some sleep. Anyway, I have adjusted the time flow rate in this area for you, so you won’t be delayed too long." Su He, like a considerate friend who fully thought of him, gave him friendly advice.

But Qi Leren didn't want to stay any longer. He was willing to face the monster in the institute, and didn't want to face Su He. So he stood up, and the chair rudely dragged a harsh sound across the ground.

"I'm leaving," Qi Leren said stubbornly, his tone carrying the anger of being deceived.

"If you insist, go ahead." Su He wasn’t reluctant, anyway. His purpose had been achieved.

The Witch of Lust looked at Qi Leren curiously, because his attitude was disrespectful. As a native devil accustomed to the hierarchical atmosphere of the underworld, she didn't quite understand the relationships between human beings. Sometimes a worm could say "no" to an elephant, which was really interesting in her eyes.

To be fair, Su He was not a strict leader. If the object of comparison was the Devil of Power who had a strong desire to control, then he was an easygoing boss. If you wanted to compare him with the Devil of Slaughter, then he was a perfect boss—at least he wouldn't go crazy and dare to kill anyone, leaving him in his current state of lying half-dead under lava. The Devil of Fraud was quite tolerant of his subordinates, sometimes even almost deliberately indulgent towards them. He seldom pointed out your mistakes, but every time you made a mistake, he would remember it, but he would not show it. This attitude made people feel that he didn't care about them. This slightly malicious indulgence contributed to the weakness and self-deception in human nature, and he watched and waited with great interest until you finally crossed the boundaries he set for you...

Then you would find that you had lost everything. Even if you knelt at his feet and kissed the tips of his shoes and begged him to give you another chance, he wouldn't look at you again.

This extreme gentleness and extreme coldness combined to form a contradictory and complicated person. The witches favored him and feared him. Even the Witch of Lust, who was famous for her debauchery, was much more disciplined in front of him. At least when she appeared in front of Su He, she would pick clothes from her closet that didn’t show her off. When Su He told her to dress properly to entertain guests, she would always find a dress that wrapped her from head to foot. However, in order to express her dissatisfaction, she didn't mind expressing her protest in a small way by means of excessive obedience. Her boss didn't care about this level of protest.

He was really unpredictable sometimes.

She had thought that trying to deceive the Devil of Fraud would make people lose his favor and even irritate him, but Su He's reaction was just the opposite. It seemed that he had added ten points in his heart to this audacious human being.

The Witch of Lust yawned a little and watched the poor man hesitate by the chair. She looked at Su He's face and asked politely, "Shall I take you out, baby?"

"Thank you," Qi Leren, who was worried about how to leave, said quickly.

Su He’s left hand on the armrest of the chair supported his cheek. He asked without warning, "Who gave you the necklace around your neck?"

Qi Leren's cold sweat came back again. In these past few minutes in the field, he had experienced great ups and downs, and his nerves were over-stressed. He had become a frightened bird. He was just glad that he had successfully crossed the border, and he was ready to keep this state and leave quickly. Who knew that Su He would come out with something else?

Fortunately, Su He hadn't found it.

He hadn't found that when he signed his name for the first time, he hadn't used any skill cards at all.

No, he hadn't.

He had made a wonderful deduction—he had successfully deceived Su He once, using an item of unknown origin as the laptop. So this time, under almost the same precondition, would Su He still fall for it? Would he believe that he had honestly signed the contract and was ready to fulfill it? He was not an obedient man in Su He’s eyes.

The best way to dispel Su He's doubts was to make him feel that he had seen through him, expose him personally, watch him suffer, despair, and collapse, and then watch him give in.

So he had had a bold plan, and he had decided to take a gamble. Then he had succeeded.

He was so ecstatic that he had to lower his head to hide his inner secret and fanatical joy and let that passion explode as fireworks in his heart.

However, he also had to consider that this decision would bring him great risks in the future—when he was really raised to a half-field, how should he explain it to Su He?

This concern slightly diluted the excited mood, and even the last resort was shattered by Su He’s sudden question, which made Qi Leren tremble with fear.

"This aura... It’s the Prophet’s?" Su He asked, raising his eyebrows.

Qi Leren did not say yes, nor did he say no. He asked, "Do you know the Prophet?"　　

As if they could never talk well, Su He also threw out a rhetorical question: "Don't you think that the Village of Dawn is too similar to the Village of Dusk?"

Qi Leren was stupefied. So, it turned out that this field was not a "field that imitates the scenery of the Village of Dawn" as Su He had once said, but was the real Village of Dawn.

But if the Village of Dawn was a field, then the Village of Dusk...

Qi Leren suddenly understood. The Prophet who slept beneath the Courthouse and spent most of his time in the cold ice pool, it turned out that he had been silently supporting the Village of Dawn that sheltered mankind. As a player, he did not know how to escape the sanctions of time. He had even spent more than 20 years completing compulsory tasks, and had survived to this day.

"A naive idealist inherited Maria's will, created a box of time with the belief of protecting, and fixed the newly established refuge under dusk forever. His original force was 'time'. Originally, he was the one most likely to evade mission sanctions, if he had not lost to the box." Su He's expression was full of compassion and tenderness.

The Prophet’s original force? Qi Leren seemed to understand. He knew that some of the higher demons had original forces, such as jealousy, lust, despair... They were getting stronger and stronger while approaching the original force. At the level of the three Devil Kings, they had almost merged with the original force.

But did the Prophet, a field-level human being, also have his own original force?

His force, was it time?

Qi Leren's heart was full of curiosity and doubt, but Su He had no intention to solve his doubts: "Go, don't challenge your limits with your life, you’ll never know what kind of miracle you will create. Although 99.9% of people end up dead through this process, I sincerely hope that you are the exception, because I have some expectations for you.

"Qi Leren, today's adventure is only the first step. I am waiting for the day when you complete the transformation," Su He said.

The beautiful Village of Dawn began to become blurred, and even Su He's voice gradually drifted away, as if separated by a dream.

When Qi Leren came to his senses, he still stood in the corridor on the lowest level of the institute, and only a few seconds had passed.

It was the fourth day of the game... No, the zero hour had passed, and it was the fifth day. He didn't know if the army’s ship could arrive. He had reason to suspect that it wouldn't come too quickly. After all, the rescue was always late after all the problems were solved.

Su He said that he had released the octopus in the underground glacier, which was definitely more difficult than the ones he had encountered before. He needed to upgrade his equipment, such as finding a rocket launcher like what Mark had used against him.

This was in the institute’s armoury, but Qi Leren hadn’t taken it since he hadn’t expected to use it. He decided to double back and look for it. In addition, we should find a NPC that was still alive, and take them to the instrument that could detect whether they had become a host, and he hoped to meet Dr. Lu and Du Yue along the way...

Qi Leren returned to the stairs and began to go up. When he passed the power room, he went in again, restarted the power supply, and restored power to the whole underground research institute.

With the light, he was feeling much better. Qi Leren finally recovered from the frightening meeting just now, stopped thinking about Su He, and absorbed himself in preparing for the next challenge. According to game logic, there must be a restock of supplies before the war. Unfortunately, the copy world did not necessarily come according to game logic, so he had to rely on himself. He didn't want to rush unprepared into that horrible boss battle.

Suddenly there was a noise in the corner of the power distribution room. Qi Leren suddenly looked towards it and raised the gun in his hand, shouting, "Who?"

"...It's me." He Yi stood up. His condition looked worse than before. He was emaciated and almost withered. "Mark came in, I met him!"

Qi Leren was taken aback and realized that what he said was in reference to when Qi Leren had wanted to leave the institute through the laser corridor before, but He Yi, who had made an agreement with him to cut off the power supply, did not cut off the power in time—because at that time, Mark had moved the debris in Annie's basement and had entered the institute to attack He Yi.

"I’ve taken care of him, and Annie, Xue Jiahui, and Francis; all four of them were parasitized," Qi Leren said calmly.

He Yi looked at him in astonishment: "How did you do it?"

If it weren't for the enemy at present, Qi Leren would still use the rhetoric of "an apostle of God" to fool him. Unfortunately, now that his Prophet's Heart skill was cooling down, he didn't need to continue acting. He simply said: "It's a long story. Let's talk about it when we have time. Right now we’re in danger..."

"I know." He Yi leaned wearily against the wall and smiled bitterly. "It’s come out."

"What?" Qi Leren became nervous.

"That monster..." He Yi looked desperately at the ceiling above his head, as if he were an outlaw being chased by troops behind the cliff ahead, and murmured in a low voice, "We can't escape."

"Do you... Do you know something?" Qi Leren finally asked the question that lingered in his mind.

For a long time, He Yi's attitude had been a bit strange. Qi Leren hadn't thought much at first, but with the discovery of the plot, he had to face up to this problem—He Yi, he was an insider.

"Why is there an amphioctopus here? Why did I happen to find a basement when I was kidnapped by Mark? Why am I able to blow up the access to the research institute accurately but I am safe and sound? Why can this institute’s power supply, which has been off for many years, still be used? Why do I know where there are weapons and how to use the equipment? Have you thought about these questions?" He Yi asked, one question after another.

-----

Editor’s Notes: To clarify, the “forces” mentioned in this chapter are along the line of forces of nature but on a more human scale, ie. the “forces” the witches and demons have as their titles. A closer translation would have been to use “power”, but I wanted to make sure it was distinct since “power” is already used in several other contexts in this novel.

-----

[<<< Previous Chapter | Table of Contents | Next Chapter >>>]

20 notes · View notes

f1ct1onalplaces · 3 years

Text

New to You

a/n: Hello everyone! This fic is a reader insert and takes place in Caption America: Civil War. It follows you and your significant other, Wanda. She has no romantic interest in Vision in this fic, but I leave hints that Vis likes her. I did this because I may or may not make this a series. We’ll see. Anyway, this is gender neutral so if you see anything that assumes a specific gender please let me know. Enjoy!

Summary: You try to cheer Wanda up but end up burning something in the process and when you try again you're interrupted by an unexpected guest.

TW: little bit of violence, mention of death, language, angst, self-doubt, kissing

"Oh m'god, oh m'god, oh m'god," I say as smoke seeps out from the oven. Quickly, I grab the oven mitts, open the oven, and grab the pan of burnt brownies while my eyes water from the intoxicating fumes. I drop them on the counter before using the mitts as a fan to try and disperse the smokey air before the smoke detector picks it up.

"What the hell is going on here," I hear a thick Sokovian accent say from down the hall. I pay little attention to her chuckles as I continue to fight the smoke. My peripheral vision makes out her outline leaning against the door frame. From just that I know she's dressed in a black long sleeve, a black jacket, a skirt that stops mid-thigh, knee-high socks, chunky black heel boots, and her layered jewelry. Wanda's usual style. I give a sheepish grin and shrug as she pushes off the wall to make her way towards me.

"Babe, you know cooking isn't your best skill." I laugh.

"You don't have to tell me twice," I respond continuing to fan the gray air around us. "I just thought I could do something nice. Guess not." Wanda rolls her eyes at my obvious attempt for pity. She grabs the makeshift fans from my hands, ignoring my grumbling protests, and proceeds to do her own thing. Her hands raise as red power flows throughout the room, gathering the smoke together. Once it's all encased within her power she releases it through an open window.

"Now that wasn't so hard." She croons to me. I huff and stare at my charred brownies.

"Say's the enhanced superhuman." Footsteps thud against the concrete and stop directly behind me. Hands slip around my waist, loosely grabbing my hips as a kiss is planted to the back of my neck.

"Your also an enhanced superhuman," She says with chin resting atop my shoulder. I shrug.

"Yeah, but all I can manage to do is turn invisible and conjure healing abilities." I place all my body weight on Wanda as I lean into her. She presses another kiss to my neck.

"Yes, that may be true but that doesn't mean your useless. Y/n your a valuable member of this team, plus you train with Nat and Cap, making you pretty skilled in combat." Her attempt to cheer me up does the exact opposite when she uses the word team. Since the UN meeting in Vienna, the "team" has divided, resulting in Cap, Sam, and Bucky being made fugitives. I decide to change the subject.

"How are you?" I ask my girlfriend. I feel the movement of her shoulders slump as she lets out a sigh.

"Guilty, horrified, ashamed." She doesn't need to say why. My body turns until our eyes meet.

"It wasn't your fault." Her head shoves into the crook of my neck.

"Yes, it was. Y/n, people are dead because of me" I shake my head and run my fingers through her hair, doing my best to comfort her.

"No, it was Cap's fault. I'm not saying it was on purpose, but he froze and didn't act quick enough. You were just cleaning up his mess." Wanda groans in my shoulder before looking back at me.

"What would I do without you." I glance over at my brownies.

"Well, you definitely wouldn't have to deal with burnt food all the time." At this, she giggles, a sound that makes me weak in the knees, before resting her forehead against mine.

"But actually, what would I do." Her green eyes peer into mine and my answer is simple.

"I could ask the same thing." Wanda smiles and leans in as close as possible without our lips touching.

"Is it okay if I kiss you?" Warm air caresses my face, mixing our breaths. A smile spreads

across my face and then I'm rewarded with a smile of her own.

"Of course." Her lips press to mine. I tilt my head back, gasping at the feather-light contact. Our bodies press together, desperate to fill our minds with each other, riding the presence of our ghosts. My fingers weave into her soft locks and give a light tug, pulling a sigh from her lips. Wanda leans closer to my body, hands firmly grasping my back, causing the both of us to stumble back. We both come up for air before diving back in, rougher and heavier. My skin is searing with each touch, every graze of a fingertip against my neck or her nails following the shape of my spine are coals being thrown into a furnace. Hot and smokey. Soon her lips aren't on mine but on my neck. Her teeth skim the smooth skin below my ear, followed by kisses to soothe the sensitive area. I grip the hem of her shirt to ground my buckling knees and it isn't until my back hits the wall that I realize we never stopped moving. My hands finally loosen and slip beneath her shirt, digging into her waist. I'm not sure how far we would have gone if it weren't for the explosion. Jumping back from each other we peer out the window to see fire. Instantly, Vision appears behind us.

"What is it?" I ask, still breathless from a moment ago.

"Stay here please." Vision then goes right through the glass with his strange ghost abilities.

"Cool." I mummer under my breath as we watch him shrink with distance. Wanda tilts her head with a troubled expression.

"It's probably nothing," I say, "And if it is there's nothing Vision can't handle." Her expression stays the same. Browse furrowed, her swollen lips in a line, and blank eyes that show she isn't listening to me.

"Babe," I start but it's interrupted when Wanda spins on her heels, hands in motion with a knife. The knife is ripped from its original position by magic and shoots at a man. It stops mere inches from their face once we both recognize him. Barton flicks the knife to the ground, not a flinch insight.

“Guess I should have knocked” Wanda walks up to him with me right behind.

“Oh my god, what are you doing here?” His elbow bends behind him grabbing an arrow.

“Disappointing my kids,” he says as he shoots one arrow to the right, spinning around and then one to the left. “I’m supposed to go water skiing.” Quickly, Barton grabs both our hands leading us out. “Cap needs our help.” He gives a tug to my arm, properly sensing my hesitation. “Come on.” I glance over at Wanda, raising my eyebrows in question. Suddenly a voice behind us speaks.

“Clint.” We all freeze. “You should not be here.” Slowly, we all turn around to see Vision, who looks as intimidating as I’ve ever seen him. My mind races to find a way to convince Vis on letting us leave and a way to do it without anything getting physical. Barton though goes a completely different route.

“Really? I retire what, for like five minutes and it all goes to shit.” My mouth makes an O shape as I watch carefully. Though Vision would never severely hurt us I can’t help but think of what he’s capable of. To be fair, I’m dating maybe the one person that can overpower Vision.

“Please consider the consequences of your actions.” Barton doesn’t even think about his response.

“Okay, there considered.” Then from the two arrows, he shot electricity comes out, holding Vision in his grasp, for the time being. “Okay, we gotta go.” Barton and I start jogging away, but it only takes seconds for us to realize Wanda isn’t following. “It’s this way.” She stands there looking down at her feet and tugging at the sleeve of her jacket.

“I’ve caused enough problems.” My heart breaks, remembering our previous conversation. We both turn back and I’m prepared to beg her to come with us. Even if she decides not to fight, just to get out of here. But, once Barton decides to speak I leave it to him to do all the talking and instead decide to grab her hand, letting her decide.

“You gotta help me, Wanda. You wanna mope you can go to high school. You wanna make amend you get off your ass.” Then it goes to hell. His face goes blank as we both look back to see Vision our of the electricity. I pull Wanda and me out of the way as Vis goes for Clint. I grab her shoulders, making her look me in the eyes.

“Wand, you have to make a decision. I don’t want you to feel pressured, but I’m going. You need to know that whatever you decide I’ll support you, but I can’t stay here and do nothing.” Her eyes are on me though I don’t think she sees me. The look that occupies her face has changed from doubtful to perfectly poised and I don’t think it was me who got to her. I finally turn my attention back to the other two and am not surprised to see Barton in a headlock.

“Clint, you can’t overpower me,” says Vision, and that’s when I realize the plan.

"I know," he pronounces, pausing to look at Wanda. "But she can." Wanda circles in front of Vision.

“Vision that’s enough, let him go, I’m leaving” Her magic is a sphere in between her hands, fingers constantly moving to keep it alive.

“I can’t let you,” he responds. Then, vision lets go of Barton As he loses control of his ghost abilities and is forced to his knees by red magic. Vision struggles to get up and the eye contact they hold leaves an ugly feeling in the pit of my stomach.

“I’m sorry.” He sinks closer and closer to the floor.

"If you do this they will never stop being afraid of you." The words come out in between breaths that betray how close he is to losing. His words cause my fists to ball up, angry at the way Vision chooses to say this to Wanda. Trying to insert fear within her bones in order to keep her locked up. The only reason my fist doesn't find a place in his face is partially due to his impenetrable skin, but mostly because of the way Wanda responds.

"I can't control their fear, only my own." She pushes her hands down and with that motion goes Vision. Vision’s shoved down multiple floors, creating giant holes throughout the compound. Once she stops the house is silent with the eagerness to escape before Vision recovers.

“Oh.” Barton looks down. “Come on, we got one more stop.” I grab Wanda's hand, tugging her away from what she just did, and peck her on the lips.

"You did the right thing, no one is going to blame you." I decide to leave out the part about how skeptical I am about everything, but I know Cap would never start something he knew was wrong. So, if he needs help that's what I'll do. She nods in understanding and kisses me again to show she's with me. Our little bubble is popped when we both catch Barton staring.

"So, you two are, umm." I let out a snicker at his helpless confusion. Wanda smiles before answering his incomplete sentence.

"Dating. Yes." This time he laughs.

"Good for you guys. I presume it's pretty new?" We start to jog our way out of the building and to a van pulled just outside the gates.

"New to you," I say elongating the last word.

"Shit," I hear as we get into the van and buckle ourselves in. "I owe Nat twenty bucks."

12 notes · View notes

grayseekerswritinglife · 4 years

Text

Warp and TC Relationship Journaling

(Illustration by @whirlandco)

ThunderWarp Week is coming up, and frankly, I've been a bit stumped. I love this pairing to bits, but have been struggling to get a feel for their dynamic. I devoted this morning to doing some journaling on their relationship, and thought I'd share what I've come up with so far, just in case anyone else is in the same boat. To start with, I came up with a set of journal prompts. I haven't used all of them (yet), but here they are:

What do I know about each of them? (Canon, fanon or headcanon; all are fair game)

In what ways to they: Need each other? Complete each other? Balance each other?

What fears or insecurities does each of them have: Internally? About the other/the relationship?

How do they make each other feel: Safe? Happy? Loved?

What are their respective love-languages? (Love languages: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Acts of Service, Gifts, Touch)

What was the initial spark of attraction?

What has made their relationship so enduring?

I started with the basics: What do I know about each?

Skywarp is playful. He pulls pranks on people. In my personal headcanon, Starscream took away his slingshot (which would fit with the 'toys' prompt). He is loyal. He believes in the Decepticon cause, and looks up to Megatron. He likes to eat (headcanon), and his favorite snack is gold - which is not necessarily a healthy snack, at least in large amounts. He can appear irresponsible at times. (Maybe more than just appear.) A lot of people say he isn't that smart (fanon, I think?), but I think he has a high emotional intelligence quotient (EQ) and is good at relationships (headcanon). Nevertheless, he and Rumble seem to despise each other (canon), though the reasons for this are never explained. Guardian Robots give him "the creeps," and he has the ability to teleport.

Thundercracker is serious. He's also short-tempered (canon) and can be vindictive (toward Starscream, at the very least). On a personal level, though, he's quiet and thoughtful. He writes (canon) and would like to be a screenwriter when the war is over (headcanon). He and Skywarp both like movies, but have differing tastes (headcanon): Skywarp likes action flicks with a lot of explosions, while TC likes romantic movies, aka "chick flicks." TC is not sold on the Decepticon cause. Perhaps he was at one time (speculation), but has seen the Decepticons stray from their original purpose and the war devolve into a personal feud between Optimus and Megatron. He thinks Earth is too flat (canon), and has the ability to make sonic booms.

The next question that seemed important is: What fears and insecurities does each have?

Skywarp might be insecure about his intelligence. Then again, he might not be! (It is just fanon, after all.) It takes planning, creativity and deviousness to pull off elaborate pranks, so if anything, I prefer to think that Skywarp downplays his intelligence because it allows people to underestimate him. But Thundercracker, on the other hand, might get angry when people call Skywarp 'stupid,' or talk down to him as if they think he is (hello, Starscream!)

Thundercracker feels uncomfortable on Earth because it's so 'flat.' I can't help thinking this comment speaks to an insecurity or fear about feeling exposed. It could be innate, since it's easy to imagine that Seekers prefer to be up high, or to have deep canyons they can dive into, but TC's remark might also be rooted in a negative or traumatic experience from the past. Something to think about. Same thing goes for Skywarp's fear about Guardian Robots. They're inherently terrifying, yes, but he might also have had a bad experience.

If Skywarp likes to eat (headcanon), that might be a self-soothing behavior that helps him deal with the anxiety of being on Earth. Perhaps he's been overdoing it lately, since the Decepticons are under a lot of pressure. They are, after all, losing every single battle no matter how well-prepared they are, or how poorly prepared their opposition is, and this is bound to have a demoralizing effect on the entire crew. If Skywarp is sensitive to emotional dynamics (also headcanon), his pranking behaviors might also be a coping behavior that enables him to distract himself and others from their increasingly grim situation. Since he's a Megatron fanboy (canon), he might also be doubling down on his Faith in the Cause, and feeling extra-sensitive about any criticism of Megatron's leadership (speculation).

So those are some thoughts about them as individuals, but how do Warp and TC balance, care for and complete each other?

What stands out for me is that they are very, very different personalities; a classic odd couple. It would be interesting to explore how they navigate those differences, since they probably need to do so on an ongoing basis.

Their views about the war are one obvious area of difference, and probably the most important one. If TC's doubts have been building over time, and Skywarp's views have *not* changed, they might be arguing about this more than they were in the past. (I'm thinking G1 Earth era, of course.) Perhaps Skywarp fears, deep down, that Thundercracker will abandon the cause and that Skywarp will be forced to choose. Maybe he has legitimate fears about an Autobot-controlled future, especially with the Decepticons losing every single battle lately, and despite his outward protestations, he might be having his own personal crisis of faith about Megatron's leadership.

On a more light-hearted note, their differing taste in movies (headcanon) might be something they playfully argue about. Relationship moments might include the way they help each other feel safe and secure in an inherently unsafe, insecure environment. They both need an anchor, and even disagreements between them might serve to provide that.

And that's as far as I got today! I hope my thoughts are helpful, or at least interesting. I have a better feel for them after doing this exercise. I have farther to go (note unanswered prompts at the top of the post), but this feels like a solid starting point. What do you think? I'd love to hear.

#thunderwarpweek #skywarp/thundercracker #skywarp #thundercracker #transformers #maccadam #character study #a glimpse of my writing journal #perhaps I overthink

11 notes · View notes

bellemorte180 · 4 years

Text

Contraband

After being run out of Mystic Falls, Caroline sets up an operation in New Orleans that attracts Original Vampire and Hybrid, Klaus Mikaelson. Klaus is interested in learning why certain members of the human faction cannot be compelled and discovers a young vampire who not only mastered vampirism in only a decade but was able to fly under his radar for so long.

Written for June 2020 Bingo @klaroline-events Prompt: Vervain

The hallway was dark and haunting, shadows dancing along the windowless corridor. The industrial apartment building was located in the Warehouse District of New Orleans and perfect for Caroline’s purpose. It was made of dark red brick, and large massive windows that took up the top level from floor to ceiling, which belonged to Caroline alone. Once she had moved in nearly eight years previously, she compelled the entire building to forget her existence. She found that the one and only perk of being forced to operate under the coat of darkness was being forgettable. Caroline liked staying alive more than she liked attention.

Once upon a time, Caroline was desperate for attention. However, when she was smothered in her sleep and awoke as a vampire, she found a strength within herself that she never thought she had. When those whose attention she craved turned their back on her completely, Caroline found she had little to no choice but to become self-reliant. She learned more about herself when she was forced to flee than she ever could have in that small little town

As Caroline climbed the stairs to her apartment, mere minutes before sunrise, she saw something in the shadows. Her body tensed, preparing for a fight but she was not quick enough. She flashed to her door and found herself pinned against the back of it.

“Cutting it close, are we not Sweetheart?” A British accent caressed her ear. Caroline did what she could to fight him off, but his grip was too strong. Either way, she did not stop fighting and that seemed to amuse him; as though he was enjoying watching her struggled. That just pissed her off even more. “Now, calm down. I’m not here to hurt you.”

“Why do I doubt that?” Caroline snapped back in a hateful tone. As though to show his word was good, the intruder let go of her and backed away from her with hands raised. Caroline’s vampire eyesight focused on him and her dead heart stopped. Her eyes widened as she took him in, and she almost gave a humorless laugh. “Oh, fuck.”

“Ah, so you do know who I am? Fantastic.” Klaus Mikaelson was the Hybrid and King of the Quarter. He ruled the supernatural world with an iron fist after coming out of ‘retirement’ nearly a decade previously. She did not know the particulars of his return to the supernatural world, something about a curse, but he had come to New Orleans and decimated the previous ruler, Marcel, who not lay desiccated in The Garden. It was a fascinating tale that Caroline was able to watch unfold from behind the scenes. “Are you going to let me in?”

Klaus eyes trailed over her; taking in every inch of her person. He had been watching her for weeks and waiting for the right moment to make his approach. At first, he was simply going to kill her but when he realized her potential, he could not help but wonder what it would be like to have such a fiery creature on his side. She would make for a great potential ally. Seeing how Caroline looked at him and contemplated her options, Klaus knew he was making the right choice.

“Seeing that I don’t have a death wish, come on in.” Caroline muttered, hesitantly turning her back on him. She assumed that if she refused him, he would be killing her in the hallway. If she let him in, he would kill her in the brightness of her apartment; it was an easy choice. She pulled out her keys and pushed the door open. When Caroline stepped over the threshold to her apartment, the morning sun flowed through the large windows as the sun rose in the sky; casting a beautiful glow against the open floor plan.

Caroline’s apartment was her pride and joy. Once she had gotten complete control of her vampire side, which did not take long, and was able to gather up enough funds to build her dream apartment; she held nothing back. It was large with hardwood flooring, an updated kitchen and modern décor. It had a very industrial look that matched perfectly with the Warehouse district and the far wall was made of the same dusty brick wall the exterior had while the other wall was completely made up of floor to ceiling windows.

Caroline watched Klaus step over the threshold; his eyes taking in every inch of the apartment. Seeing the artwork on the wall and the bookshelf filled with romance novels and the most popular young adult books, he could not help but chuckle. He walked over to the windows and knocked his knuckles against them lightly.

“UV Ray protected windows. Smart.”

“Yeah, well. Since I don’t have a nifty daylight ring to protect me from burning up, I wanted the next best thing.” Caroline crossed her arms. She figured if he was going to kill her, then the least she could do was to go down with some sass. “If I can’t go into the sunlight, I will be sure to bring the sunlight to me.”

“How resourceful.” Klaus turned from the window and walked over to Caroline’s dining room table. The tabletop was made from concrete and legs it stood on where made of dark black iron; the chairs made of the exact same dark iron. “But I admire that about you. Resourcefulness. It got you this far hasn’t it?”

“Awesome. It’s going to be a chatty death.”

“I already told you, Sweetheart, that I am not here to hurt you.”

“First off. My name is Caroline and second, deaths can be painless.”

“I’m wounded. Do you really think that low of me?”

“Yes.”

“Let me be clear then, I am not going to kill you. I promise.” Klaus replied with an infuriating smirk. “I took over this city, little over nine years ago now, give or take a month or so. And yet when I took back my city, I did not know about your little scheme. Seeing that it took me years to discover it, well color me impressed, Caroline.”

“Yeah, well. Marcel didn’t catch on either and he was the ruler of this city when I arrived so, don’t feel too bad about yourself.” Caroline replied and Klaus chuckled, enjoying her wit and brass. “Although, to be fair by the time I was up and operational, Marcel had far bigger concerns to worry about then a little contraband.”

“Now Caroline, do not sell yourself short. It is not just a little contraband.” Klaus replied, his pearly white teeth showing and his eyes gazing over her body as though he were imagining her naked. “It took me a good long while to figure out why certain members of the human faction were not able to be compelled. Well, I knew why and how I just did not know the source of where they were getting it from. The herb does not grow in these parts now does it?”

“Nope.” Caroline replied, giving him her best pageant smile and fought down the urge to give him the middle finger. He had not killed her yet and claimed that he did not want to hurt her. “Although, it was not hard to figure out how to make it grow indoors. A little bright light, special soil and I was up and running.”

“I want to see it.” Caroline pursed her lips as though she was thinking. Klaus flashed from his seat and towered over her. Despite the golden glow in his eyes, Caroline suddenly felt brave. Her eyes tilted upward in order to glare back at him. “Now Caroline.”

“Fine.” She snapped at him. She didn’t want to show him anything, but she knew better. She knew that if she denied him, he would force her anyway and seeing that she could not be compelled, for she used her own product to her advantage, he would take it via more forceful and more painful ways. Caroline turned on her heels and walked out of the main area of the apartment and down a long hallway.

Klaus kept up with her easily. The hallway was darker than the rest of the apartment but still had a significant amount of light beaming through a window at the very end of the hall. There were several paintings on the walls and a second bookshelf against the one wall; that also had very trendy and somewhat trashy books on them as the other one. It was a fact that made Klaus chuckle and imagine run slightly wild. It was obvious how Caroline spent her days when trapped indoors.

At the end of the hallway, there were two doors facing opposite each other. Caroline turned towards the one on the left and Klaus noticed that there was a keypad attached to it; which highly impressed Klaus. Caroline quickly typed in a series of numbers and pushed open the door. Inside was a large room that he assumed used to be several at one point but had the walls knocked down. The windows were covered with blackout curtains and from the ceiling hung high beamed lights.

“I would shudder to think what my electric bill would be if it wasn’t for compulsion.” Caroline muttered lowly as Klaus stepped into the room. Rows upon rows the room was lined with a purple flower that seemed to amaze Klaus. He reached out to touch it but snapped his hand back once it burned him. “You would think that after a thousand years, you would have realized vervain burns vampires.”

“How?”

“How what?” Caroline cocked her head and Klaus turned to look at her as though to send her a patronizing took. “How did I get this much vervain?” He nodded at her and turned back to the plant, inspecting it. “Well, I grew up in a small town in Virginia called Mystic Falls.” Klaus whipped around to stare at her with wide eyes. “You’ve heard of it?”

“I was there a few years back. Had some business to attend to. The place is overrun with all manner of supernatural beings. You should have been right at home there and yet you ended up in New Orleans?”

“Yeah, well, apparently when I was turned, the supernatural were not as welcome.” Caroline hissed back, an old would echoing in her tone. “I was smothered in a hospital bed while I had vampire blood in my system. I had no idea that vampires were even a thing and I woke up confused as hell as to what was going on. I was incredibly thirsty and sort of freaking out why I wanted to drink blood. Memories that I never had before kept coming back and I…” His eyes flashed in her mind and Caroline had to bite down a shudder. She couldn’t help but connect Mystic Falls with those memories she buried deep down inside. “I started remembering things I wished I could forget. When my so-called friends realized what was happening to me, they turned on me. The vampire who created me tried to kill me. My best friend, who I now know is a witch but didn’t at the time, couldn’t stand the sight of me. My other best friend was too involved with her two vampire loves to really even try and help me.”

“You mean Elena Gilbert.”

“Yes.” Caroline cocked her head. “You’ve met her?”

“Oh yes.” Klaus tossed a nasty smile to Caroline and it sent chills down her spin, but she could tell the venom behind it was not meant for her. “I got to know her and the two Salvatore brothers very well. They’re idiots.” Caroline snorted at that but said nothing. “Elena is a vampire now.” That got Caroline’s attention, shooting a look at Klaus. “Her and that witch friend I’m assuming you referred to before are still close as can be.”

“Of course, they are.” Klaus could hear the hint of bitterness in her tone and it surprised him that he wanted to reach out and comfort her; but he suspected that she would not respond well to his attempts and refrained. As much as feeling her hand against his cheeks in a sharp slap would be tantalizing, it would only derail his plans. “But then again, little old Caroline never mattered much to them anyway.”

“Like I said, they’re all idiots.” Klaus uttered back. “I can attest Sweetheart that neither Damon nor Stefan are fine examples of vampires and you have outgrown them in a mere decade than they had in a century.” Klaus told her and he couldn’t help but enjoy the blush that crept upon her cheeks. “None of this explains the vervain.”

“Oh. That. My mom is Liz Forbes.” Forbes. Klaus could have kicked himself. He studied Caroline for weeks before approaching her. He knew her last name but never realized she steamed from Mystic Falls. Of course, that was how she got vervain. “She figured out quickly that her daughter couldn’t walk in the sun and all but ran me out of town. She called me a monster. Anyway, as I was fleeing, I stumbled upon a package my mom had. One a whim and pettiness, I stole it and ran off with it. Best impulse decision I ever made.”

“So, when you came to New Orleans, you knew nothing about what this was?” Klaus asked, pointing to the vervain. Caroline shook her head and nodded as though she was not understanding his surprise. Klaus assumed that, in observing her, she would have to of had some sort of training at vampirism given the fact at how good she was at it. To hear that within a decade, she not only controlled her bloodlust but built a small empire by selling contraband that Marcel had long outlawed in this city. On top of that, it took Klaus years to track down the source of vervain leaking into his city. “That is remarkable.”

“Seriously? I don’t consider it remarkable but more like an act of survival.”

“Oh no, Sweetheart, I don’t think you realize how remarkable you really are.” Caroline flushed again and Klaus smirked at her. “From what I understand you’ve been selling to the high members of the human faction? Yet, no luck with the witches?”

“Witches are a pain in my ass. They can’t be compelled and therefore no use for vervain. If they did, I would have traded myself a daylight ring by now.” Caroline muttered. “The human’s however, I have eating out of my hand. The mayor, governor and any high-profile official buys from me. It’s why they can’t be compelled, and you have to result to good blackmail and threats to get what you want. Such a hardship, I know.” Caroline again tossed him that pageant smile that he suddenly realized he adored. “I’m assuming this is the part where you rip out my heart now that you know all my dirty little secrets.”

“If that was the case, shouldn’t you be running by now?”

“Like I could outrun you?” Caroline snorted. “Look, I don’t want to die but I’m also not stupid. So, either kill me now and get it over with or tell me what you are after?” Klaus looked at her with that smirk; the one that Caroline itched to remove from his face. She just did not know if she wanted to hit him or kiss him. Either were fare game at this point. He may be terrifying, but she wasn’t blind. Klaus was an attractive man.

“I already told you. I’m not going to kill you.” Klaus replied. “I’m here on a matter of business.” He looked down again at the vervain and touched it; allowing the burning pain to caress his fingers. “I am interested in becoming a customer.”

“Seriously? You want to buy vervain off of me? Why?” Caroline’s eyes shot up in surprise. Klaus did not answer her but instead just gave a sinister smile, still touching the vervain; completing unaffected by the pain. Realization as to why Klaus would want the vervain for. “Ugh, you want to use it to torture vampires, don’t you?”

“Perhaps.”

“Ugh. Okay, whatever. I don’t care why you want it.” Caroline decided. “If you want to buy from me that’s fine. However, I’ll tell you right now I do not plan on stopping supplying the human faction. Got to pay the bills.”

“Sweetheart, I have no desire to stop you from earning a living. Continue feeding the vervain to high officials, it matters not. Blackmail and torture work just fine when it comes to achieving what I want.”

“Thank you.” Caroline said, surprised. She had been expecting him to tell her that she had to stop supplying the human faction with vervain; not that she planned on listening. “So, how do you want to do this. I can package the amount you want upon payment. I prefer cash.”

“I’m not going to pay you.”

“Excuse me?”

“That came out badly.” Klaus came to her and smiled at her. “Instead of cash, I am offering you a one-time payment for an infinite amount of vervain over a long period of time.” Caroline was about to argue but Klaus pulled a small piece of jewelry out of his pocket and held it out to her. “In exchange for the vervain, I will give you this.”

“Tacky jewelry?” Her eyes looked at the ring, not daring herself to believe that it was not what she thought it was. She had spent years trying to find a witch who would make one for her but none wanted to. She found that witches did not play well with vampires, claiming them to be unnatural. Thus far, Caroline had been cursed to the darkness. “Is that what I think it is?”

“A daylight ring? Yes.” Klaus was giving her a genuine smile. “Like I said, in exchange for an eternity of walking in the sunlight, you supply me with vervain when requested.” Klaus reached out and took Caroline’s hand into his, the feeling of his hand connecting with hers sending shivers down his spine and placed the ring on her finger. “What do you say?”

“Yes.” Caroline whispered, not taking her eyes off the small ring on her finger. Within seconds, Caroline flashed out of the apartment and into the middle of the street. Warmth touched her skin and Caroline all but squealed. She outstretched her arms, taking in the morning sunlight, spinning around. Klaus followed her and watched as she danced in the sun; an amusing smile on his face; listening to her laugh.

“I take it we have a deal?” Caroline stopped, turning to face him; completing forgetting that Klaus had been there. Her cheeks flushed in embarrassment but shot him a thankful smile. She nodded, acknowledging that she would provide Klaus with whatever he wanted because of this ring. “Splendid. I propose that a celebration is in order. There is a lovely little café in the middle of the French Quarter with beautiful outside seating. We can iron out our deal.”

“The deal seems pretty cut and dry to me.” Caroline replied but there was no malice in her tone. She was far so happy for that. “However, I’ve haven’t had a latte first thing in the morning in a decade so if you’re buying, it would be rude to say no.”

“Oh, most certainly it would be.” Klaus held out his arm and Caroline linked hers through it; tossing him a genuine smile as she went. Klaus could have been the devil himself and Caroline would have done anything for that ring now on her finger. “I believe that this could be the start to a beautiful friendship.”

#klaroline #klaroline fandom event #kcbingo2020 #vervain

63 notes · View notes

xlady-saya · 4 years

Text

better than a night light [fic]

Relationships: andrew minyard/neil josten

Summary: Neil hasn’t had the chance to examine the feeling of fear in a long time. He’s all too familiar with it though; from the nightmares, to the memories of a cold basement floor, he knows the feeling like the back of his hand.

But this fear is new, loaded with ridiculousness and a complete lack of reason. It’s nothing more than pixels on a screen, far away theories that can’t hurt him like his past can.

Maybe that’s why he’s beginning to not mind it as much. It doesn’t hurt that Andrew is also there to hold him through it.

Tags: neil is a scaredy cat, fluff, fluff and humor, the monsters watch alien movies

Read on ao3!

The movie poster Nicky keeps shoving in Neil's face doesn't exactly do much in terms of persuasion.

Neil stares at the bold graphics, at the text of the title that drips as if it’s oozing blood. It's got an almost static quality to it, not original, but not trying too hard to be. It's an older movie, that much is clear, so not exactly Nicky's usual taste. There's nothing there to tell him about the plot, just a few shadows and a stark silhouette standing in the center. Neil stares at the poster on Nicky's phone, then at Nicky's expectant expression, and then back.

Surely there has to be some kind of clue to tell him what this is all supposed to mean, but he's not seeing it.

Nicky does his best to show Neil a few more posters from the same movie, some restyled and revamped for the modern era, but...

Nothing.

"For fuck's sake," Nicky huffs, putting his phone away. "It's a classic horror movie, Neil, and we're watching it tonight."

Oh. Neil's not sure why he had to know that.

It's never up to him to pick the movies for movie night, mostly because most do nothing for him or bore him to tears altogether. Watching them with Andrew is typically the only time he bothers to pay attention, and that's for the commentary about the stupid characters.

Nicky is the opposite.

He and Allison fight over the films every Friday night like it's a ritual, but on the rare occasions the upperclassman are busy, Nicky takes over and tries his best to drag Neil into it too. A seasoned movie buff, he's made it his mission to find a movie genre Neil actually likes. Neil's attempts to convince him otherwise have fallen on deaf ears.

After weeks of action spy movies and no luck, Nicky's obviously decided to up his game by switching to a new theme altogether.

Neil's not sure what this will do, though. The horror movies Nicky has picked in the past only served to annoy Neil or make him laugh with their horrible effects and impractical plot points. Nicky had still labeled that as progress.

Already, Neil is rolling his eyes. Neil has dealt with real horrors; ghosts and poltergeists aren’t what haunt him. He's only seen one or two slasher films with the team, but those were just nonsensical.

It's not something he enjoys thinking about, but it's hard to be afraid of being sliced open by some fictional asshole in a mask when his childhood already made him numb to the feeling of a blade.

As if sensing the underlying truth behind Neil's annoyance, Andrew makes his presence known with a loud thump of his soda can against the counter.

Nicky jumps, but Neil turns on instinct, a small smile on his face. They have new barstools, and he swears they're a little taller than the other ones. Andrew's legs swing, almost carefree in nature, and Neil averts his eyes at the glare he receives for staring.

"I said no horror movies," Andrew says finally, flicking another page of his novel over. It's for a class, Neil notes, and beams a little brighter. Part of their pact; if Neil has to do better in school, Andrew has to start trying to, too.

With some encouragement...it wasn't a hard compromise to make.

"Technically, you said no slasher movies," Nicky says, smirking at the loophole. Andrew stares, thoroughly unamused, and Neil blinks between them. He hadn't known about that. He glances back over to find Andrew already looking at him, resignation clear on his face. It's a common expression from the beginning of their this—less rare now, but just as endearing in Neil's mind.

It's Andrew's 'you caught me caring about you, and I hate that because it's not hard' look.

Neil hops up to sit on the counter, and Andrew's gaze flicks down to his knee as if debating resting his chin on top of it.

"You don't need to baby me, those movies don't affect me," Neil says with a fond smile. It's the truth; he's not sure why, but the masked villains and their carving knives just seem tacky to him at best. He understands Andrew's reasoning though, and appreciates it more than he can say.

Andrew would never think of him as weak, and Neil can handle most things no matter how painfully they might stir up old memories. Regardless, Andrew will spare him if he can.

The look of acknowledgement passes between them, and Andrew nods.

Then: "Even still, they're bad," Andrew says, aiming the statement at Nicky. "I refuse to suffer through them."

Aaron, who up until this point has been a silent bystander on the couch, grunts an affirmative. Kevin's got his headphones in, not even listening.

"Killjoys," Nicky mutters, clutching his phone tight to his chest. He points an accusatory finger right at Andrew, and keeps it there in challenge. "You might like it too, if you would just give it a chance!"

Andrew, highly unconvinced, raises a brow at Neil. The blond and Nicky are a lot better at having actual conversations without Neil now, to the point where Neil wouldn't even call Nicky afraid of Andrew anymore. Still...looks like this is not a case Andrew has the energy to make.

Neil smiles, all too smug.

"I thought you said horror movies were overrated?" he asks Nicky, grin just the right amount of shit-eating. "And by overrated, you meant you're super scared of them and won't be able to sleep for days."

"First of all, Neil, fuck you," Nicky says without hesitation. Aaron snorts in the background. Unwilling to be defeated, Nicky holds up his hand, counting off the reasons. "Second of all, this one is different! It's an alien movie, and those don't scare me as much. I mean, they're super impractical!"

That's what's super impractical?

Neil rolls his eyes. Their whole lives are impractical. Ha.

But ah, Neil realizes. Maybe that's the reason for the weird poster silhouette. Aliens. He'd almost prefer a slasher film. He crosses his arms, blowing his overgrown bangs out of his eyes. "Yeah, I'm sure Jackson with his goalie mask is just as realistic."

The room goes silent, and Neil isn't too prideful when it comes to pop culture. It's clear he fucked that up. Nicky blinks at him, and even Aaron is confused enough to turn around and lean over the side of the couch.

Neil blinks back, combing his brain for the revision. Nothing.

Andrew sighs below him, long and suffering, and this time he really does put his chin on Neil's knee. He glares a hole into Neil's abdomen, but Neil suspects it's mostly self directed.

"I think he means Jason," Andrew says, closing his eyes to ground himself. Neil's always been quite impressed with his self-control. "He's just trying to provoke me."

Oh, yeah. That prick.

A small chorus of realization goes through the room as Neil smirks down at his boyfriend.

Nicky squints. "Huh? Provoke you how?"

"Don't ask about their weird flirting," Aaron interrupts, making a slicing motion over his throat. Then, after a beat, he shoots a glare at his brother, who actually meets it for once. "Though for the record, you deserve to have a thing for morons."

Hey.

"That time, I really thought his name was Jackson," Neil defends, not caring that he just exposed how sometimes he will say the wrong shit on purpose just to get Andrew...in a mood. Aaron gags, and Neil is quite done with the conversation.

He squeezes Andrew's earlobe because, well...it's right there.

Nicky throws his hands up. "Oh my god, who cares! Neil, the point is that yes, a serial killer terrorizing a summer camp? Unlikely. But if someone were inclined, they could. And at minimum, slasher movies are scary because I could actually be stabbed on any given day."

"The chances of you running into a slasher are still pretty low," Neil tries, and Nicky gives him one of those looks like he's missed the point entirely.

"I'm talking about Andrew."

Ah.

"That's fair," Andrew says, eyes closing once more as Neil kneads his ear gently.

Done with the lot of them, Nicky shows Neil the button to rent the movie on his account, and rebelliously presses it. As if that somehow traps Neil in this apartment. Like he can't just leave.

The sad thing is that he won't.

Even without the upperclassman to join them tonight, this is his family—despite all their shitty taste.

"Your point?" Neil asks, though he's fully resigned at this point.

"So, alien movies are way cooler than anything else. Plus, the effects in this one are practical," Nicky says, and Neil tilts his head. Instead of bewildered, Nicky's excitement only grows. "You know, none of that cheap computer crap. You'll see, you'll love it."

Nicky squeals lightly as he goes to make snacks, dropping a few dishes in the process. It's a chorus of curses and clanging that Neil is all too used to, and Andrew barely flinches from it. It's hard to mind anything with Andrew's head in his lap and Neil's hands moving into his hair.

Neil stares over at the television, and sees his own annoyed expression staring back from the void.

Love it, will he?

Yeah, whatever you say.

They're about thirty minutes into the movie when Neil realizes there's a problem.

Nicky, for effect, has turned out all the lights, and the television illuminates the whole room despite its dark ambience. Neil's perfectly prepared to not pay attention, especially when the movie starts off slow and without any of the promised aliens. Nicky scolds him for his impatience, and things gradually start to get more suspicious between the characters on screen.

Neil's not bored out of his mind, but he's yet to see the full appeal. Because it's his spot, he curls up into Andrew’s side, sharing the bag of plain gummy worms between them since Neil hates the sour ones. Neil's more fixated on that at first; sometimes if they grab the same one on accident, they'll start the contest of pulling the poor worm and stretching the gelatin until it snaps. So far, Neil has won the longest piece two out of three times.

Then, in a shocking twist, the alien shows up.

Nicky was right about the practical effects. It's a grotesque creature, animatronic and padded with a fleshy substance that looks like bile. Its limbs are coated in it, sticky and disproportionate to its thin, skeletal body. Neil can see every disgusting ridge, and grimaces at the bubbles of flesh and pus that the effects team coated it with. After a while, he stops viewing it as a product of humans, as a robot. He starts seeing it as just the creature, in all its vileness. Random limbs and appendages shoot out from it, impaling some of the unlucky side characters, and the squelching sounds make Neil want to vomit.

Neil's throat begins to feel tight, and he's not sure why.

Throughout the next fifteen minutes, the creature starts its ruthless hunt after the team of scientists which make up the main cast. Only when it disappears does the audience realize the creature can shapeshift—that it's among them, somewhere on the base.

At first, Neil thinks he might have to go to the hospital. His pulse is fast, and he's sweating a little. It's weird, and he finds himself trying to calm down his own breathing. His muscles aren't usually this tense, and there's a nausea-inducing lump in his stomach, swimming around like the goop on screen. Maybe he's sick, maybe he ate some undercooked meat for dinner. That has to be it. He tries his best to stretch out, but his ankle hits Kevin's fancy metal flask, and Neil nearly jumps out of his skin from the cold when it coincides with a character being ripped in half on screen.

"Damn, that was pretty cool," Aaron concedes from his beanbag, watching the characters rush to safety from the gore they just witnessed. Even Kevin is invested, though he's still occasionally checking Exy stats on his phone. The creature is gone again all too soon, blending in, and the scientists begin to arm themselves against one another. Nicky looks over at Aaron gleefully, triumphant for his good choice.

At this point, Neil hates to admit he's fully invested. The characters in the movie have started to suspect one another, and the focus has shifted from the gore and the alien’s origin over to pure paranoia. It does a remarkably good job of capturing that feeling—one Neil knows all too well. Neil begins to suspect some of the characters too, even the main protagonist. The theories run through his head, but the film leaves everything as vague as can be.

There's a blanket of dread over him he's never felt before, because it's not real. There's no imminent danger to his person or his family, but he wonders what he'd be feeling if he were in this situation. The idea of imposters, walking around and having no way of telling them apart from your friends, from a human...

It takes Neil awhile, perhaps a little too long given his acquaintance with the emotion, to understand the tension in his body is fear.

He's afraid.

And isn't fear a strange thing?

He tries to remember fear, and it's not hard. It's always cold, piercing. It narrows down the world so that the fear is all that exists, along with the impending doom of the consequences that come with it. For him, fear has always eventually had a result. His fear was always well-founded. But this is nothing like that fear. Real, genuine, valid fear. This is not being threatened by his mom's scowl from across the room, or being on the basement floor, seconds from death. This is a queasy, unrealistic fear. One he can't get rid of, as much as he knows it shouldn't exist. There's nothing on the horizon, nothing coming to get them.

It's a lot of what-ifs and how-comes.

Neil hates it.

He can't look away as the characters all perish, eaten alive in part by the alien, but mostly by their own suspicion. In the end, the discord between them kills them all, and the ending hints heavily at the creature's survival and spread into the outside world.

Maybe here.

Neil scoffs at his own ridiculousness, rolling his eyes. That would never happen. He knows that, it's just—

"So?" Nicky says right in his face, and Neil jumps. Luckily, no one notices, and Andrew has already moved to switch the television off. Good. He surely would've felt the jump of Neil's body.

"So?" Neil parrots, unable to keep up. He keeps looking out the dorm windows, watching the darkness for any sign of life beyond it.

"Did you like it, Neil?" Kevin asks, turning around from his perch on the floor. He's also been weirdly committed to finding things for them to enjoy outside of Exy. Neil has a feeling that's mostly Thea's and therapy's doing, an attempt to get them some distance from the harsh Raven routines of old.

Kevin's attempt at getting them into trivia had been a disaster, and he'd abandoned it quickly.

Neil swallows the lump in his throat, eyes tracking Andrew to keep himself grounded. Aliens or no aliens, the sight of Andrew is a relaxant that's fifty times stronger.

Still, all he manages is a small: "It was okay."

It's a compliment coming from him, since his standard response is to shrug whenever any credits roll, and Nicky heads off to shower for bed with an extra lightness in his step.

Neil is not so fortunate.

An hour later, they're all turning in. Kevin has already passed out while Nicky takes his time in the bathroom with his twenty minute skincare routine. Neil had done everything in his power to not be alone once the lights began to go out. He's lucky his proximity to Andrew isn't unusual, but he keeps a few steps of distance just to throw off any suspicion the blond might have about why his boyfriend’s clinginess is off the charts.

The night sky is still pitch black through the windows, and any passing noise has Neil turning around and checking on his family critically. No, no—if Kevin were a creature, he wouldn't be snoring so loud.

Right?

He feels like a child, and does his best to go about his business without reading into everything so much. Even still, he hops onto the bed so he doesn't have to stand in front of the bottom of the bunk for too long. Something could grab his feet.

Andrew, per routine, wraps his arm around Neil's midsection to pull him closer, not yet aware of what's happening. Neil usually delights in this each time it happens, though he's certainly used to it by now. The path to sharing a bed had been a cautious one, and spooning even more so, but now he can't imagine sleeping without being cocooned like this.

Tonight, however, there's a problem.

Neil stiffens when Andrew moves to scoot him closer, a stark contrast to how he usually relaxes all his muscles. It's kinda fun when Andrew drags him. Andrew pauses, regarding Neil curiously, and Neil's dry throat seems to close up even more. The dread in his veins obviously isn't apparent, but it feels that way. Paling internally, Neil says, "I want a glass of water."

He really wants a glass of water. Fuck.

But is it worth it? Is he willing to die for a glass of water? He can make it until morning. If he were smart, he would've thought about this when everyone was still in the living room and he had access to knives to defend himself.

Andrew, calm as ever, concedes with a short nod. He removes his hand and waits for Neil to get up, and that's when Neil can't hide it anymore.

See, he doesn't move. Neil just lies there, staring up at the ceiling, and feels Andrew's eyes grow more and more critical with each passing second. Neil is torn. Does he get up despite his fear to preserve his dignity? Andrew of all people deserves to know when Neil has none to spare. Neil doesn't hide anything from Andrew, no matter how ridiculous.

The truth is, he'd love nothing more than to stay here on this bed with Andrew, where it's at least kind of safe. But, if he thinks more critically, he'll never get over this fear if he doesn't venture out into the dark common area to get his goddamn water.

Also, he's thirsty.

What to do, what to do.

At this point Neil begins to squirm, his gaze flicking over to the open bedroom door. It's black on the other side, inviting him and his imagination to wreak havoc.

Humans can survive a few days without water.

The whole time, Andrew doesn't stop staring at him, and Neil winces when he feels a gentle tap against his collarbone.

He's hesitated too long to keep the secret now. Better get it over with.

"Neil."

"Uh. Y-yes?"

"Look at me," Andrew says, and Neil can't disobey a request like that. Andrew's sleepy voice is gravely and soothing, like enticing smoke from a cigarette, and Neil follows it with all his senses. He turns over, then tenses up. Now his back is to the door. Can't have that.

He goes back to lying flat, and turns his head to send Andrew a desperate look.

It's stupid, it's pathetic. But...

"It's dark." That’s all he says.

Andrew's brows knit together, searching for the truth under that statement. "It's one in the morning."

Oh, but I'm the smart mouth.

Neil glares, and jumps when Nicky drops something in the bathroom. Neil waits for a sign of movement, and breathes a sigh of relief when Nicky's routine resumes.

Andrew sends him another look, no doubt already piecing it all together, and Neil huffs to himself.

"Asshole," he says, and picks at the thread of their blanket with his finger. He tries not to think of the aliens splitting open. Quietly, he admits: "The creature in the movie could see better in the dark."

It should be helpful to say it aloud, but it's not. It should convince Neil he's being truly unreasonable, that the odds of something otherworldly coming to target him are slim. He should be more worried about real killers coming for him on any given day.

But here he is, still afraid.

Andrew, in his own Andrew way, actually looks surprised. Something swims across his features that Neil has seen before, but can't pinpoint in the moment due to his own shame. He groans, turning away.

"Shut up, I know, forget it, I'm—"

A hand comes out to grab his chin, and Andrew turns Neil's face back towards him in one firm motion. Okay, now Neil definitely knows there's something in that look, and it renders him speechless for a moment.

"You're afraid." He swears he sees the corner of Andrew's mouth twitch, and he's so fixated on it that the truth comes easily.

"Yes."

"Of the...aliens. From the movie?"

Ah, but when put that way...

Neil groans again, pouting slightly. It's hard for Andrew to ruin anything for Neil, but it's difficult to stare fondly at one's boyfriend when he's trying to wring the embarrassing truth out of you. "Yes! I don't know why, okay?"

Andrew just nods, not judging. Not yet. Taking that into account, he taps Neil's chin a few times, maybe to the beat of invisible cogs moving in his head. Then he pauses, and gives Neil's earlobe a tug. Because...it's there. "Nicky said aliens are impractical. They aren't real. You know this, I assume."

Neil glares, but doesn't refute the statement. He's familiar with Andrew's process of retracing their steps, hypothetically. Trying to understand where the fear came from, how to best help Neil push it aside.

"Neil, confirm these things for me," Andrew says, and Neil nods, counting the freckles that dance over Andrew's nose. "You have dealt with members of a deadly mafia family."

Neil, because he's a shit, takes time to think about it. It's worth it when Andrew huffs.

Neil nods. "That is true."

"You are arguably more capable than me when it comes to killing someone," Andrew points out, and Neil does his best to ignore the spark of heat in Andrew's voice from that knowledge. "In fact, you've probably killed many people without remorse."

Hm. Okay.

"Mhm." Neil hums, and while he sees where this is going...

"You could potentially be Jackson, minus the hockey mask," Andrew finishes, and Neil is only somewhat insulted. What does he want with a summer camp?

Feigning stupidity this time, Neil squints. "Wasn't he immortal?"

"Neil."

Neil's laughter dissolves into a desperate whine, and he throws his hands behind him, hitting the headboard. Dammit. "Just—I know it makes no sense," he huffs. He scrambles up to a sitting position, an explanation on the tip of his tongue, and Andrew follows him calmly. "I know they're not real but...I think that's the problem. It's an unknown. I'm familiar with killers, with knives on my skin."

Neil almost feels guilty when he mentions it; Andrew accepts all his scars and experiences, but it doesn't mean he likes that they happened. They can't change the past, but the idea of either of them being hurt never fails to put a little pit of anger in their guts. He sees it bloom in Andrew's right then, and Neil smiles gently to quell it. It's not about that right now.

"But this is so removed from any of that," Neil explains, laughing at himself. It's sort of amusing if he thinks about it—that he’s made it to the point where he has the luxury of being afraid of such things, but he still doesn't feel relief. "I know it should be stupid and ridiculous. But that's probably why it bothers me. I mean, okay, what do we really know about aliens anyways? Nothing! No road map, no weapons. We're completely unprepared."

And...his explanation goes off the rails just like that.

Neil thinks he has a good point though. Like...who is really to say aliens don't exist? And if they do, they're all pretty much fucked. Who wouldn't be afraid?

Andrew only stares at him.

At the expression of disbelief, Neil whines and does his best to backtrack, but Andrew is having no more of it. Andrew just lays back down, hands covering his face.

It's a novel reaction, considering this is Andrew. He looks so beside himself, unable to process whatever is going on in his head, but not in the bad, overwhelmed way he might be used to. Neil leans over him, and artfully pokes Andrew between the eyebrows.

"Andrew?"

His boyfriend sighs. "I don't ever know what to do with you," he concedes, removing his hands so Neil can see his pissy expression. "Alien movies. It's goddamn alien movies."

Neil's not sure what to make of that, but even in the dimness of their room he can see the reluctant fondness in Andrew's face, poorly concealed behind a facade of neutral indifference. That, and the tips of his ears look a little red.

Neil's confused as hell before he realizes what it must be. He perks up, fear momentarily put on pause. "Oh...oh, you like this," he observes, not smug, just factual. Andrew glares. "You think it's—uh..."

Not hot, at least Neil doesn't think so. But—

"The word you're probably looking for is cute." Andrew grimaces when he says it, like it's a crime for the word to come out of his mouth. If Neil's being honest, he's surprised too. Not that Andrew thinks it, but that he actually said it. Hm. That's new. Neil likes it. He always insisted to Andrew that he didn't have to try harder at verbal affection just for Neil's sake, not if he didn't want to.

Clearly, part of him does.

Andrew glares at Neil's small smile, pushing his face away. "And you're wrong, so don't read into it."

Neil ignores that advice completely. "Oh, okay. So you think it's cute," he repeats, and mulls that over in his head.

"I just said—"

"Wait, why?" Neil asks, suddenly offended. Here he is trying to tell Andrew his alien attack plan, and the blond thinks the severity of the situation is cute. "Does my terror mean nothing to you?"

"Not in this case," Andrew admits, and this time there's clearly a small smile threatening to break the mask. Neil tries (pettily and unsuccessfully) to not let it affect him. "Now quit it, and go get your water."

Shit.

The fucking water.

The source of his woes comes back as a painful reminder in the form of his parched throat, scratchier now from all the discussion.

Noticing Neil's stricken face, Andrew wordlessly gets up with him, pulling him along to the edge of the bedroom so Neil can't talk himself out of it. Flicking on the light for the living area, Andrew pushes Neil out in front of him, a silent nudge to hurry up.

The room definitely looks a lot less sinister like this, but Neil's brain is reluctant to let him relax. He walks quickly and stiffly into the kitchen, turning back halfway to make sure that yes, Andrew is watching him.

"I'm here," the blond says, despite the roll of his eyes.

Neil practically runs to get his water, moving back to Andrew faster than the speed of light. As absurd as Andrew finds it, he dutifully waits for Neil to step fully back into the light of the bedroom before turning off the living room light again, and offers to take Neil's glass back when he finishes. Unwilling to lose Andrew by making him go alone, Neil takes his turn watching from the door.

Andrew looks back—not out of fear, but just to see the way Neil tracks his every move, wary of the surroundings. Something soft escapes Andrew's mouth, a vulnerable sound Neil swallows when he gets back into their bed.

He still can't fall asleep, but at least Andrew holds him a little tighter that night, a silent reminder that Neil's not alone in the darkness.

Neil's entire being burns with embarrassment, and he can't wait for a few days to pass so his brain will forget the movie entirely.

At least then the fear in his veins will be but a lingering memory, teasing fuel for Andrew at most.

Except, per routine, Andrew is a giant bastard.

"We're watching this tonight," he says a week later, throwing a library DVD into Nicky's lap.

Neil doesn't think much of it as he finishes the last of his math problems at his desk, kicking his legs happily since this means he'll be done with homework and his kissing ban will be lifted.

Nicky's voice has all his expectations shriveling up and exploding like alien guts. "Aliens again?"

Neil's head snaps up to meet Andrew's gaze across the room, betrayal lining his face. The DVD cover Nicky is looking at is old school again, another classic Neil assumes. It's less detailed than the first one, with nothing but a green, glowing egg on the front.

Hell no, Neil thinks, and glances back at Andrew with a desperate look in his eyes. Maybe it's a joke.

But Andrew's sense of humor is cruel.

"It wasn't awful," Andrew answers Nicky while looking right at Neil. There's nothing amused or challenging in his features, but Neil still senses it. Andrew has weighed Neil's fear, has no doubt picked it apart and tried to decide whether or not that fear should be quelled, or if it's fair game to prod.

The conclusion is clear.

"Awesome!" Nicky shouts, unaware of the turmoil between the two of them. "Finally, we found something you don't tune out completely."

"I'll make the snacks," Aaron says, and Kevin actually seems okay with the selection. He shoots them both a weird look—which, given the intensity of Neil's stare, is appropriate. However, living with them has given Kevin enough insight to know when and when not to intervene. He walks past them, as he should.

When they're actually getting settled in to watch the damn film, Neil has switched tactics. He's refusing to meet Andrew's gaze, foot tapping impatiently against their stained carpet. As peeved as he is, the fear is starting to outweigh it. What if this movie is worse? Is he ready for another night wondering if aliens are going to come absorb him into some hybrid monster?

What the fuck does the egg mean? Aliens lay eggs?!

Neil refuses to sit by Andrew at first, and Andrew's legs are spread in such a way that his lap is wide open and inviting.

It's difficult to resist.

Eventually, Andrew sighs, and slouches into the couch a little more, leaving a perfect Neil-sized spot next to him.

"You're going to sit over there by yourself?" Andrew asks. With the rest of the group out of earshot, he adds lowly: "Aliens pick off the stragglers first."

Neil's glare would melt flesh from bone if it wasn’t directed at Andrew. The blond is unaffected by Neil's threats, though there's definitely power behind them. Just...never towards him.

An unfortunate fact, but one Neil would never betray.

Sulking, he climbs up onto the couch and fits himself snuggly into Andrew's side, head on his chest. Completing the dance, Andrew manhandles Neil to rest more comfortably against him, and Neil ignores the smugness radiating off the blond.

When Aaron walks in, he regards them suspiciously. Neil hates him for smiling that knowing, shit eating little grin once the realization hits him.

Fuck Aaron. Neil knows he's afraid of possession movies. He better be ready.

"This one is especially gross," Aaron says, offhand, but aimed at Neil entirely. "I've seen it."

Neil stares into the television again, done with all of them, and hopes his brain is over it. He hopes this movie is as boring as it can be. "Let's get this shit over with."

And they do. But no, the movie is not boring.

This film is arguably worse than the one they watched last weekend. The aliens are somehow grosser, with tar-like skin and oozing orifices. Even worse, they're more parasitic than the other aliens, and extremely hard for these idiot characters to kill. Neil sees one of the alien babies jump down someone's throat and has to look away.

He supposes it's too late to ask how he got here, to wonder why he can't get over it and understand none of it is real.

But then again, what does he know about the universe?

Neil's glad everyone else is too into the film to notice him burying himself further into Andrew's chest, eyes glued to the screen reluctantly. That's the problem with fear—it takes hold of him. He's not one of those people who can look away or close their eyes, so he just wrings Andrew's shirt between his hands into a wrinkly mess.

At a certain point, the alien from earlier bursts through the character's chest and makes Neil jump away from Andrew's, but the blond grabs Neil's head gently in anticipation of this (which means he's seen this shit already, the asshole) and guides it to rest over his heart. It should make it worse, the rhythmic beating, pumping in time with the chest burster's onslaught. Instead, it's grounding, as it always is, and he sighs.

He wonders if this was Andrew's plan all along, but would that make sense? Having to comfort a scared Neil can't be anything but annoying.

Later, when he's having a mug of hot chocolate with Andrew and Aaron before bed, and steadily getting grumpier with the thought of the sleepless night to come, he says as much.

Aaron just looks at him, as if he can't believe Neil exists. "You really are a moron."

And with that, he goes back to his own dorm.

Neil tries to get clarification, but Andrew only takes the mug from his hands. He avoids Neil's questioning gaze and laces their fingers together, pulling Neil into the room before the lights go out.

It's hard to look serious when he's lying on top of Andrew's chest, glare peaking out, but he tries.

It's weekend three of Andrew's onslaught of alien movie sequels, and luckily he's promised to back off from now on.

Still. Neil's gonna pout all he wants.

A sound from outside makes him jump, but it's just an extra hard downpour knocking against the windows. If Neil closes his eyes, he almost sees the alien claws tapping on the glass, trying to get in.

"Poor, frightened little bunny," Andrew states without any inflection or tone, but Neil can sense the teasing underneath.

"Fuck you," he says, but it's dampened by the way he leans over to close the window blinds.

It helps. A little.

"And risk the alien contamination?" Andrew adds, tugging on Neil's bangs for his attention. Like he has to; he somehow always has it, even when Neil is less than pleased. "Tell me, just what do you think is going to happen? Nothing's going to burst out of you just from watching that movie."

Neil feels his stomach flip flop from the thought of it, his heart taking the tower of terror through his body. He makes a disgruntled noise in the back of his throat, and Andrew pulls him up by the scruff of his neck to get a better look at him.

"I still feel queasy," Neil says, a poor attempt at revenge. Andrew doesn't move away, isn't even remotely grossed out.

The blond just sighs, and rolls Neil over to the other side of the bed in a display of vulnerability. Instead of being pressed to the wall, Andrew's back is open to their room, to the world. Neil balks for a moment before he gets himself under control. They've done this a few times, so he closes his jaw. He knows he should be happy for these moments, not surprised by them. Because he knows they're not small. It's Andrew telling him something, it's Andrew giving. And that's nothing new.

Still, Andrew never has his back to the door, and it probably won't last long. Eventually they'll go back to their normal positions, but for now Andrew shields Neil from the world.

It's a silent emphasis, a promise.

Despite the dimness and the new tension in his shoulders, Andrew's gaze is like a spark to the gasoline pooling in Neil's body. "Neil, you're safe."

Yes. Deep down, that's the biggest truth of them all.

Neil sighs, and gently rolls them back over. It's his own affirmative, his own way of protecting Andrew—whether it be from real threats, or fictional ones. He slides over Andrew until he's on the edge of the bed, and is happy when the bits of tension bleed back out of Andrew. Much better.

"I know that." Neil curls up, and though his back is to the door, he doesn't turn away. It's another silent response. He's afraid, but he knows if an alien were to suddenly bust through the door...

Well, Andrew would let him know. "But I'm still...mph," he grunts, glaring at the blinds above Andrew, and this time, the edges of the blond's lips lift easily. Just for Neil to see.

"Scared?"

Neil rolls his eyes for the billionth time, mostly at himself. "Yes, Andrew, the stupid alien movies scare me. I'm glad you're enjoying it so much."

He won't lie; he expects a silent response, maybe the old 'I don't enjoy anything' just to make him laugh, because they both know it's not true.

Instead, Andrew grabs his wrist, tracing the veins there with his thumb.

"You're right," he admits, slow, as if he's considering taking it back. Neil waits with bated breath, and Andrew must ultimately decide that it's impossible to. "I am."

The blatant admission catches him off guard, and well...Andrew can be pretty cute too, when he avoids Neil's gaze like this. The blond fixates on where they're connected, tracing the scars farther up Neil's arm.

Neil hums. "Because you're a cruel otherworldly imposter, or because you know I secretly have a thing for when I amuse you?"

The master plan, all along.

At Neil's cheeky grin, Andrew rolls onto his back, questioning his existence. He slides Neil's hand over his chest, draping it across him. "You're a nuisance," he mutters, and Neil's grin softens at the edges. He still doesn't understand it all, but when Andrew's being so open like this he can't help but dive in. He slides his hand lower, resting it over Andrew's heart.

"Your heart's beating fast," he says quietly, nearly a whisper. "Could be a chest burster."

"Mourn me," Andrew responds, and Neil smothers his laugh in his pillow. It's got that fresh lavender scent, and reminds him that there's no way he's going to do laundry by himself this week. That room is dark.

For whatever reason, that makes him laugh more. He hears Andrew move closer, hears the stuttering breath of words kept back, and peeks an eye out. Andrew tends to look kind of constipated when he's trying to say something especially revealing, and Neil has long since stopped telling him he doesn't have to.

Because...Andrew told him it wasn't necessary.

'If I want to say something, I'll say it.'

Neil smiles; he remembers thinking it was such an Andrew answer. So now he waits patiently, letting his giggles fade into staggered huffs.

Moments pass, and then, quietly: "I like it," Andrew says, voice barely above a whisper. It hasn't lost its firmness, its inability to be argued with. "I like that you're scared of something that actually can't ever hurt you."

Neil's smile falls, but he's not upset, not in the slightest.

Andrew's statement from weeks ago feels wrong now. It's Neil that doesn't know what to do with him sometimes.

There's plenty of things Neil is scared of—things that have actually hurt him, ruined and scarred him. Those fears are more deeply ingrained and clawing, impossible to erase completely with a few nights of sleep. He doesn't have to wonder if they're real, how they'd hurt him or how painful it would be.

He knows. He can feel the ghost of a blade often, the searing scent of burning flesh whenever he's near a bonfire or when he touches his scars. He sometimes still wakes up from nightmares of being held down, except this time he's not able to get back up. He's never able to run again.

And as much as Andrew would like to, he can't go and reach into the past to stop those things from happening. The realities are so much more frightening, and that terror has no remedy. Andrew knows that better than anyone.

So maybe it's nice, maybe it's just a little rewarding, to see Neil so scared of fictional aliens and monsters instead. Those are the things that can't hurt him, that can't reach him. Perhaps it's better that they occupy his mind instead so that the other demons do not.

And that's the consideration that has Neil so at a loss; he can't do much more than echo Andrew's name in his head over and over, and scoot closer to him until he's all he can make sense of.

It's quiet, aside from the rain, but now it actually sounds like itself, calm and cleansing.

"Well, yeah," Neil whispers into Andrew's chest, then sits up. He wants to say it more firmly, with no room for doubt. This way even if Andrew doesn't believe him...he knows how Neil feels. "You protected me from all that other stuff, so those fears...they're easier now."

He's never put it into words before, but it's the truth. He'll always have nightmares about knives and guns, about fires and cold, blue eyes. But he knows any new threats that come crawling back from the mafia underworld won't have just him to deal with. He'll have Andrew by his side, fighting.

So he's not as afraid of that.

Andrew's grip around him tightens, a promise that never has to be renewed. Neil knows it's forever in place.

On the other hand...

Neil nudges Andrew sheepishly, tapping his finger right between Andrew's pecs. "I just don't know if you stand a chance against an alien hivemind," Neil admits. Though to be fair, no one does. They're all fucked.

Andrew, after a beat of silence, concedes. "For once, I think you're right."

Neil nearly feels better from that, light and warm, but then Nicky comes back into the room and turns off the lights abruptly, plunging them into darkness.

And suddenly, nothing is okay.

He scoots as far away from the edge as possible, practically pinning Andrew to the wall, but the blond takes everything with a sigh.

He deserves it anyways.

Neil still jumps from any little sound the next few nights, and yes, Andrew has to walk him to the laundry room, but that's alright. The teasing he eventually gets from the rest of the Foxes is more than worth it if he gets to make Andrew hold him extra tight.

The fear eventually fades, diluted, but if he pretends to cling to it a bit longer…no one has to know.

If Andrew catches onto Neil's dramatic, fake flinches and continued unwillingness to go anywhere by himself, well...

He certainly doesn't point it out.

#aftg #all for the game #andreil #andrew minyard #neil josten

38 notes · View notes

feminist-propaganda · 3 years

Text

The Star Wars Saga Is A Meditation On Single Motherhood

It recently dawned on me that the entire story line of the Star Wars saga is built on the lives, loves and tribulations of 3 generations of single mothers. There are monsters to slay and aliens to find and planets to explore, yes, but if you think about the powerful message in the movies, you’ll come to realize it was mostly a reflection on the status of single mothers, the outcomes of their offspring, and the conflict that lives forever in their descendants.

Each trilogy, once reframed, becomes the story of one woman, who finds herself in a situation that is as old as time. She is with child, but the person who planted the seed in her is not by her side.

Shmi Skywalker or The Good Single Mother

In the Phantom Menace, Jedi Knight Qui Gon Jin meets Anakin Skywalker, a slave boy with a talent for repairing machines. The Jedi knight is impressed with the child’s abilities. He’s knowledgeable, intuitive, and most importantly he’s also kind and thoughtful. When a sand storm threatens the group of travelers, Anakin takes them to his own home and offers them shelter.

We meet Shmi Skywalker, who in many ways is the archetype of the good single mother. She is not just quiet. She has completely erased herself. She has no personality, apart from being Anakin’s caretaker. She expresses no needs, no desires, no dreams. She simply loves Anakin, and when she sees an opportunity for him to leave the desert planet ruled by the Huts, she doesn’t stand in his way.

In a now famous scene, Qui Gon asks her about the child’s origins and Shmi famously responds “There was no father”. The line continues: “I carried him. I gave birth. I raised him. I can’t explain what happened”.

The immaculate conception myth refers to the idea in Christianity that Mary, much like Shmi, was impregnated by some magical force, a holy spirit. Both are parabols: images we use to discuss painful topics. Single motherhood has probably always been a part of the human experience. Jared Diamond explains in “Why Is Sex Fun?” that in terms of evolution, it is more rewarding for human males to be “super spreaders “ rather than “good fathers “ . The “good father” gene does not pass down to future generations, because in effect, not sticking around to raise the child is a better strategy for a human man to pass on his genes to the next generation. Not convinced? Just count how many women have been impregnated by a rapper like Future (8 last time I checked). If you’re not into hip-hop, you can think of the offspring of the Mongol Genghis Khan

The purpose of the parabol is to provide an image, to extract ourselves from the technicalities of onr person’s story and to instead talk about all single mothers at once. Indeed, single mothers come in all shapes and sizes. Some are widowed, some are abandoned, others are lied to, and some run away from abusive environments.

Shmi raises her son the best she can, and her love for him is unconditional. She doesn’t bat an eye when he is freed while she is to continue her life as a slave. She doesn’t even seem to mind when Anakin leaves the planet and never returns to free her, even after he marries into some serious money.

But the story of Star Wars tells us that Shmi’s relationship to Anakin, because it was so fusional, because it was all that he had, led to his undoing. In Episode 2, when he senses she is in danger, he jeopardizes his mission to protect Padme to go rescue her. When he eventually finds her, he is so upset about her ultimate death that he commits mass murder, targeting the Tuskan riders of the sea of Dunes.

When Yoda first lays eyes on Anakin, he senses Anakin’s pain, he is just a child whose been ripped away from the only human that’s ever cared for him deeply. The turmoil inside the boy is palpable, and Yoda advises against training him.

Padme Amidala or The Bad Single Mother

Anakin develops feelings for Padme, and in Episode 2 the pair decide to secretly get married in the lake district of Padme’s home planet Naboo. Their relationship is very intense. Both share a strong sense of civic duty: Padme was elected queen of the Naboo when she was just 14 & Anakin is a keeper of the peace. They care deeply about issues such as how the galaxy must be governed, how much action needs to be taken versus when diplomacy must be prioritized.

Their strong sense of service has made them lonely young people. They’re far away from their families, surrounded by advisors, servants and droids - not friends.

They jump into their relationship with an eagerness that suggests it is their original caretakers they crave for.

Padme becomes pregnant while the Clone Wars are raging, and immediately Anakin begins to experience trouble with his sleeping. He imagines Padme is dying in childbirth, and the visions haunt him during the day. His fear that she will die ultimately leads to his decision to join the Dark side of the force. Senator Palpatine has manipulated him into believing that Sith Lords have discovered the power to prevent death itself.

Just like his mother before him, we need to look at Anakin’s story in terms of symbolism. It isn’t really about his specific experience with fatherhood : it’s about the universal conflict that men feel towards their own offspring. Even the way it is announced to him, in the Senate chambers, barely hidden from the rest of the Coruscant elite, implies some sort of entrapment. The columns around them seem to be like a cage that is closing in on his life. He is in the middle of the Wars - he should be celebrating his victory over General Grivious, but instead he is stuck with his wife and he has to absorb her anxiety & reassure her.

Anakin makes a weird, forced smile and says : “This is a happy moment.” But neither Padme nor the audience believe him. Nothing about him feels happy, he isn’t relaxed: he is tense.

At the end of Episode 3, Anakin attempts to kill Padme when she condemns the mass murders he’s committed against the younglings in the Jedi temple. Hr uses for the first time his “strangling” trick, which becomes his signature move in the original trilogy.

Palpatine makes Anakin believe that he’s killed Padme, but the truth is somewhat more nuanced. She dies of heartbreak shortly after giving birth to twins. For anyone who thought this was corny, it’s actually been proven by the scientific community that heartbreak reduces your life expectation (it diminishes the size of the telomeres in your body cells, which is the molecule that helps replicate your DNA).

As Lisa Feldman Barret wrote in How Emotions Are Made:

Emotional harm can shorten your life. Inside your body, you have little packets of genetic material that sit on the ends of your chromosomes like protective caps. They’re called telomeres. All living things have telomeres—humans, fruit flies, amoebas, even the plants in your garden. Every time one of your cells divides, its telomeres get a little shorter (although they can be repaired by an enzyme called telomerase). So generally their size slowly decreases, and at some point, when they are too short, you die. This is normal aging. But guess what else causes your telomeres to get smaller? Stress does. Children who experience early adversity have shorter telomeres. In other words, emotional harm can do more serious damage, last longer, and cause more future harm than breaking a bone

More severe cases involve patients actually dying of a broken heart, the myocardia just collapses under the weight of the sadness the human feels.

The original trilogy should be re-viewed with all of this new information we have. In the 80s, when Empire Strikes Back came out, the “I am your father” line became instantly iconic. But the plot twist was more like an “Oh My gosh!” moment rather than a profound reflection on fatherhood. The audience sympathized with Luke not because his father had been absent and negligent, but because his father’s job was to serve a fachist leader. It was the actions of Darth Vader as a political servant that were questioned, not his refusal to nurture a smaller being.

Padme is the opposite of Shmi. She is the archetype of the “bad” single mother. The bad single mother is the single mother who can’t deal with the situation and checks out of it. She collapses under the weight that she feels on her shoulders. She can't get over the heartbreak, she can’t find the will to live.

Society tends to punish the Padme’s just as much as it praises the Shmis. Television programs like “Teen Mom” are set up to shame the young deviants into adopting the correct behavior. The purpose of the show is to judge these young women into becoming self-sacrificing mothers.

Leia Organa - The Non-single Single Mother

Leia Organa is Anakin Skywalker’s daughter. She is raised by an adoptive frailly on Alderaan after she’s separated at birth from her brother Luke. Much like her mother, she becomes a dedicated public servant, a trusted leader and a beloved public figure.

She is raised by a wealthy family in the central galactic systems. The Organas teach her the ways of the elite political class. As an adult she serves the cause of the Rebels, and when she meets Han Solo in Episode 4, the mediocre smuggler fascinates her.

In the now famous scene from Hoth in Episode 5, Leia declares her love for Han Solo right as he’s about to be frozen in carbonite. The ultimate bad boy responds his chilling, because realistic “I know”.

Han is nothing compared to Leia. He drives a broken down ship, doesn’t have any morals or even a simple code of conduct, much less a cause that he’s dedicated his life to. He has nothing to offer her, and is definitely not in her league. But still, in Episode 6, the pair become an official item.

The last Trilogy was an opportunity to explore Leia’s experience with motherhood. By now we know that Leia’s grandmother was a “Good single mother”, she completely sacrificed herself to protect her son & more importantly she never questioned her status of sole caretaker (remember the “there was no father“ line). We also know that Leia’s mother was a public servant, and a passionate woman who allowed herself to fall deeply in love with a sensitive young man with a non existing support system. Leia’s mother was the “bad” single mother: driven only by her career (Queen of the Naboo, later a Senator of the Old Republic) she did not step up to the task when her destiny revealed itself to her.

Leia seems to share her mother’s taste in reckless young men with a lot of attitude and no emotional security to offer. It’s the excitement she craves, not the tranquility.

Her fate will be the same as her foremothers. She has a child with Han, but when she sends him away to be trained by Luke, she loses them both.

Their dialogue in Episode 7 goes like this:

Han Solo : Listen to me, will you? I know every time you... Every time you look at me you're reminded of him.

Leia : You think I want to forget him? I want him back.

Han Solo : There's nothing more we could have done. There's too much Vader in him.

Leia : That's why I wanted him to train with Luke. I just never should have sent him away. That's when I lost him. That's when I lost you both.

The last trilogy develops Leia’s character in a way that allows her to be something else than just a single mother. She loses her husband, she even loses her son to the dark side: but she never loses herself. Leia doesn’t allow her condition to define her. She becomes a leader of the Resistance even if it means going after her son’s New order.

In Episode 9, Leia even destroys her son to protect Rey - the symbolism is that she’s overcome her role as a mother, she’s rejected the notion that she must sacrifice everything for her son even if it goes against her own self interest (like Shmi). She also rejects the idea that her partner abandoning her is the end of her. It isn’t. Unlike her mother, she finds the will to live, and to lead the next generation of freedom fighters and peace keepers.

The saga ends on a hopeful note for all of us single mothers out there. It comes with a message for us : we don’t need to choose between the austere Shmi and the weak Padme. We can instead decide that this “single mom” problem is kind of like beauty : it lies in the eyes of the beholder.

Single moms don’t need to think of themselves as failures, they don’t need to live in modest conditions, they don’t need to beg society's forgiveness for merely existing. They don’t need to be ashamed.

Single moms don’t need to erase their brains and their lives, and sink into an ocean of denial either. They don't need to be obsessed with their careers or caught up in romantic entanglements that are only going to exhaust them.

Single moms can just decide that they’re women, with beautiful, inspiring personalities and kind, loving hearts. Mothers are first and foremost, the leaders of the young, the protectors of the realm and the makers of the future. It’s not that it doesn’t matter that they’re alone. It’s that they don’t have to be alone at all.

#single mom #star wars #padme amidala #leia organa #shmi skywalker

2 notes · View notes

linkspooky · 4 years

Text

The Characters of Nisioisin (3)

Trickster - Kaiki Deishuu

Nisioisin often uses and reuses a lot of common character archetypes in his writing. An analysis on his common use of liars, thieves and cheats by comparing and contrasting the differences between Kumagawa, Iichan and Kaiki. More underneath the cut.

A. Defining the Trickster

Already covered in this post.

1. Introduced as a Villain

In the story proper Kaiki is introduced to us as the opposite of Araragi. If Araragi is the person who saved Senyjogahara’s heart, then Kaiki is the one who broke her heart. If Araragi is a hero who saves everyone, Kaiki is a callous villain who cons people and doesn’t seem to care about the consequences for those he cons.

Their interaction with every character they both interact with is the opposite. Araragi helps Senjyogahara, Kaiki stole her money and ruined her family home even though they are both positioned as people Senjyo once loved and thought of as a savior. Araragi saved Nadeko from the curse of the snake, whereas Kaiki is indirectly responsible for her being cursed due to selling curse charms to middle schoolers.

Araragi heroically faces off against Gaen to defend his sister, while Kaiki is the one who sold the information about Tsukihi’s location to Gaen in the first place for a quick buck. In every instance, Araragi saves, Kaiki cons.

Kaiki is also one of the few characters that Araragi shows an open disdain for. Araragi who is usually a very passive protagonist, and will go with the flow and talk casually with people who have beaten him half to death and is overly forgiving outright despises Kaiki on sight.

However, it’s important to remember that Kaiki calls himself a villain when making his first introduction to Araragi. He intentionally places himself as the villain so that Araragi can play the hero, even calling him “Manly”, “Cool” and “Grown-up” for doing so, implying again that Kaiki is his opposite. Kaiki however is a liar, and when he calls himself a villain intentionally that also is a lie.

2. Subverts Expectations

Everything we learn about Kaiki in his first introduction in Niseimonogatari is inverted later on. He is a character who exists to play upon other people’s expectations and cast everything into doubt. There’s even a meta aspect to this, originally Koimonogatari was foreshadowed to be Senjyogahara’s narration debut only for Kaiki to take the mantle of narrator from Araragi instead.

Ladies and gentleman, dear readers and all of you who picked up this book expecting Hitagi Senyjogahara to be the narrator have been duped. The lesson you should take home from this is every sentence ever written down by a book is bogus.

-Koimonogatari

Koimonogatari is a book that exists to flip everything set up by Nisei. It is a book where the villain saves the girl (Nadeko) whereas the hero is someone almost completely helpless the whole story (Araragi). You could even say that it’s Araragi’s actions which created the problem for Nadeko, as his complete ignorance of her, and his coddling of her helped push her to want to become a god.

Koimonogatari also starts a turning point in the series, where Araragi who had been a straightforward hero until this part starts to have his character deconstructed. Araragi who is constantly remarked upon as a hero who tries to save everyone, we find out that in Owarimonogatari is not only are there people he never even made an attempt to reach out to and help (Sodachi Oikura), but that Araragi is someone who uses obfuscation and self-deception to cover up his bad traits. He is someone who cares far more for the appearance of being good and helping others, then the actual work of helping others. This is again an idea that is set up in the intro to Koi.

Humans have a desire for truth. or they have a desire to believe what they know is the truth. Kaiki brings up the example of the higgs boson particle that moves faster than light. Plenty of people will find this change in the truth alarming, even though most normal human beings aren’t physicists and won’t even bother to look at the math or data that proves the Higgs-Boson particle and will just read the headlines and take other physicists at their word.

People often care more for the image of something, than the actual thing. That’s true for Araragi as well who isn’t as noble as he appears to be and is for all intents and purposes a normal people. Kaiki is presenting us with the image of himself as a villain, because that is general is easier to accept then viewing himself as a more complicated person. Kaiki also, prefers to view himself as a villain rather than what he really is, which is a failure.

Araragi uses obfuscation to hide his bad traits, but as his foil, Kaiki always desires to hide his good traits. The reason being that Kaiki as a person when he acts with good intentions, things always tend to go opposite of the way he planned them. Kaiki feels in control when he lies, he can control others by lying to them, manipulating them, duping them, but reality is something entirely out of his control. He can try to save someone only to have the completely opposite effect.

“You tore apart the Senjyogahara - and backed her parents into a corner from which divorce was the only way out - because nothing else was going to work, right? You judged that the only daughter would have no future if you didn’t cut her mother off from the family.” “Uh huh, that’s right. I was actually a standup guy. A real sweetheart, just looking out for a kid. I was only putting on a show of being nefarious. You’ve got all the details, don’t you? You’re really well informed. But don’t tell anyone, okay? It’s embarrassing.”

-Koimonogatari.

Kaiki is ultimately someone afraid to be good. That’s his weakness. He knows his good intentions are not guaranteed to produce good results, and he can’t face himself when his failures spiral out of his control so it’s easier to present himself as a villain. Kaiki, much like Iichan only feels comfortable when he’s deceiving everyone around him. He exists to subvert other people’s expectations because it’s a way of grabbing back control, in a world that Kaiki is mature enough to realize by now is completely out of his control.

3. A Lying Liar Who Lies

When Kaiki said every word written down in every book ever are lies, what he’s talking about is narrative. People who see the world in narrative view are applying a lens to reality to make it more palatable and easy to understand for them. Once again, they are preferring to hold onto images and preconceptions, the idea of the truth rather than the truth itself. It’s true that books are like reality, but people will often craft a narrative about reality in order to believe everything has direction, meaning, and a purpose when there is none.

Kaiki is also one of those people. He embraces crafting narratives, and telling lies because it gives him this idea of control he otherwise would not have. Kaiki is someone who doesn’t have a lot of control over his own life. If you take him for his word in the book he has almost no background, no family, he’s legally dead, and he’s a wandering vagabond that never remains in the same place for long. Kaiki’s way of reclaiming that stability and agency is to always craft a narrative around himself wherever he goes. He’s the one in control because he’s conning everyone else around him at all times. He acts like he always has all the cards in his hands, and he’s the smartest person in the room, because he can’t admit how afraid he is of not being that. Of being vulnerable.

Kaiki goes one step further not just by calling himself a liar, but believing the whole world is made up of lies. He’s not just a fake, everyone is. A world of fakes desperately struggling to be real.

“The second you say it out loud to someone, it deviates from your true feelings. All words are lies, it’s all a scam. No matter how true, the moment you utter it, it becomes embellished. Words are only representations, so impurities find their way in. If you want to make a wish, to make it exactly as it is, you absolutely mussn’t say it aloud.” - Koimonogatari

Yes, Kaiki I’m sure this speech has nothing to do with your fear of ever letting your intentions be known.

This is also something Iichan directly calls out in his own struggles with lies, the truth, and the trust in other people you have to find between them.

Hime-chan said everything was a lie. I agree, that must be the truth. But- really. Really, really, really you know. If this world were like what Hime-chan said, if this world were like what I think. We would not be suffering like this. Do you get it? If everything is a lie and there is not one ounce of truth - if ther is nothing of comparison, then everything ends up being the truth, too. - Zareogoto Vol. 3

Kaiki is able to call out Nadeko’s assertion that everyone in the world is a liar, everyone was misleading her and leading her on so easily because that is the same narrative lens he applies to the world to cope with it.

Let’s return to the Senyjogahara household again. Basically imagine you're Kaiki, a homeless man with no family who spends all of his time in luxury hotels and you're watching what looks like an ideal happy household. They are a rich loving family, with a good marriage, and their daughter is basically the school idol. What you Kaiki would call “Normal Law Abiding Citizens” the kind of life he could only dream of.

Traditionally held values say that these people should be happy forever, because they're good people doing the right thing. But the things the world tells us have meaning, are secure, have no meaning at all and easily fall apart.

So, he watches this good family, get struck by misfortune and fall apart. The loving mother sells her daughter to a cult basically, even though she originally joined the cult because of her daughter's sickness.

Now what's an easier story to swallow? That good people do bad things and good circumstances can easily turn bad for no good reason at all.

Or is it easier, and more meaningful to swallow that Kaiki showed up, conned them, caused the parents to get a divorce and therefore he's the villain in the scenario. By being the villain he turned the scenario into a story, he gave it meaning.

The first time I met Hitagi Senjogahara - two years ago, in other words - I thought to myself, What a fragile-seeming kid. Of course, back then Senjyogahara was afflicted with her mysterious ailment, which is why her devout mother had summoned me, flying the flag of the ghost buster as I was. But even without the ailment business, I thought she seemed “fragile.” The impression hadn’t changed. Fragile. [...] Fragile, on the edge of fragmentation. Which is exactly why her current self was a miracle. A mysterious ailment followed by a miraculous achievement - for someone who seemed so breakable to make it so far without ever breaking, not two year sago, not now, for eighteen years - The mother broke. But the daughter Didn’t. -Koimonogatari

So Kaiki says he thought Senjyo and her mother were fragile, but he probably thinks that about everybody. He's cynical and disaffected because he's seen this kind of thing happen again and again. That's why he tells lies, that's why he manipulates, it gives him the illusion of control over a world not only him, but no one else has any control at all.

There are two sides to the story of Kaiki’s perception of Senjyo. First, that people are more fragile than you think they are. Even if you come from a good household, have a loving husband, and have money you can break. The second is that people are less fragile than Kaiki thinks they are. Even if your mother turns against you, you lose your money, status, and family you still might not break. Both of these things are true at the same time, people are both more and less fragile. There are truth, and lies, and even Kaiki is unable to face reality directly because he prefers to stare into lies and shrowd himself in them then ever confront the truth.

4. Themes of Nihilism

Kaiki case believes everything is worthless and everything will be eventually lost so he thinks it's pointless to cling to things. However, that doesn’t have to be an inherently negative idea. Nihilism the rejection of the idea of inherent meaning, is also something that can lead to creating meaning which is where we get existential nihilism.

Nihilism is the precursor to existentialism. To find your meaning in life you have to first reject the meanings that other people give you.

With respect to the universe, existential nihilism posits that a single human or even the entire human species is insignificant, without purpose and unlikely to change in the totality of existence. The meaninglessness or meaning of life is largely explored in the philosophical school of existentialism.

He basically tells Nadeko that he likes money because the value of money is something entirely made up by people and yet it’s still something that has value.

Kaiki loves replacable things while at the same time hating irreplacable ones, because he hates the way people tend to cling to things forever. Almost like, Kaiki himself is someone who always clings to his first love that he lost over ten years ago and doesn’t try to love anyone else, or find anyone else and Kaiki hates himself.

Existential nihilism also means rejecting what society tells you to think has value, because you have to reject first before you can come up with your own meaning. Which is literally exactly what he guides Nadeko to do, he tells her to reject the thing which she thinks gives her life meaning, her love of Araragi and then find a new meaning instead in being a mangaka. and that she can do this because everything is worthless therefore she can try anything.

He also suggests that the work of having to create her own meaning to life, and follow her own dream, will make her far more satisfied than simply following the job of a god which was given to her by someone else.

Humans are always changing their minds about what has value and that makes them human and Kaiki thinks that's a wonderful thing, that's existential nihilism, they're always inventing new meaning. Kumagawa is someone who always loses, but he tries again an infinite amount of times, and that struggle to keep trying again and again is what makes him human in Kaiki’s mind. It’s not the result, not the happiness or sadness, but rather in the constant searching for meaning that defines yourself. Once again. Kaiki sees the freedom in that. There is nothing in life that will make you truly happy, there is no meaning to life, but there’s freedom because it means you can try as many times as you want.

Everything is worthless. Everything will eventually lost. However, because of this it also means that you’re never going to lose something that will destroy you permanently. Because the things you were holding onto were worthless in the first place, you can always try to replace them. You can always try again and find something else. There is no ending that will permanently end you, there’s no loss you cannot suffer. Araragi is not really that important to Nadeko, she can live without him, she was only giving him that importance. This is also the compelte and exact opposite of Iichan’s a fatal would speech.

Iichan is someone so terribly afraid to hold onto anything, because he feels the process of trying over and over again at something he’ll never succeed at is going to completely destroy him.

And Kaiki would tell Iichan the same way that he tells Nadeko that him constantly stumbling over his own actions and trying to find meaning in them, is something in itself that has meaning. That's what makes him human, his search for meaning. But philosophically Iichan isn't there yet. He's still a little baby nihilist. Tiny. Infant. He hasn't grown up yet.

“A man devoid of hope and conscious of being so has ceased to belong to the future.” “The struggle itself towards the heights is enough to fill a man's heart.

One must imagine Sisyphus happy

[Albert Camus]

So if you were to put iichan at one end as the baby nihilist, and Kaiki as the adult (kind of) nihilist then the adolescent Kumagawa would be right in the middle. That’s the way to compare the three, Kaiki is a mature adult who has figured out the way he wants to live his life, Kumagawa is someone constantly in flux like an adolescent, desperately struggling to reach the point where Kaiki is where he’s decided how he’s going to live and not quite there yet and therefore always doubting himself. Finally, Iichan is a child who wants to cling onto his immaturity and his completely wrong views of the world because he doesn’t want to face them or have to change. All three of them are liars, and but the lies they tell are different and that brings us to the end of this comparison.

#kaiki deishuu #monogatari #niseimonogatari #koimonogatari #nisioisin #nisio meta #monogatari meta

76 notes · View notes

roseliaviolet · 3 years

Text

(English translation of the official story)

This is the story of the time before you met Nox and Rubel. A light moonlight shines on the dense forest.

Ruber: "....."

Nox: "Hey you, are you okay?"

Nox pokes the unconscious Ruber at the bottom of the cliff, lightly on the shoulder with the hilt of his scythe.

Ruber only grunts slightly in response.

Nox: "Ah, that's a relief. You are awake."

Ruber: "Who are you? No, more importantly, where are we?"

Nox: "Where, you say? Perhaps the impact of the cliffs returning to their original position has confused you."

Nox gave a troubled smile to Ruber, who looked hazy and mumbled to himself.

Nox: "Well, as far as I've seen... First of all, you fought back the robbers who attacked you."

Nox: "Afterwards you fought a pack of beasts that jumped out at you, provoked by the commotion."

Nox: "And it seemed like you slipped off of the cliff when you fought against number of beasts."

Ruber: "I remember now, you are right..."

Ruber: "But wait... Doesn't that mean you've been watching me all this time?"

Nox: "Yes, I don't want to get involved so I'm just watching from afar."

Ruber: "....."

Nox: "I mean, you looked like you could handle it on your own. I'd have been the one to slow you down."

Ruber:" Is that so? That big scythe is just a decoration then."

With a sarcastic remark, Ruber stood up.

Nox: "Well that's harsh."

Nox: "By the way, I'd like to ask you something."

Nox rested his back against the base of a nearby tree, the edge of his lips lifted provocatively.

Nox: "Why did you defend the burglars from the beast in the first place?

Ruber: "....."

Nox: "Didn't you draw attention of the beast to yourself so that the burglars wouldn't get attacked by the beast?"

Nox: "It seems that they were able to escape safely."

Nox: "Are you really the kind of person who would help people who tried to hurt you?"

Ruber: "...even though it was our first time meeting, you've got a lot of nerve in your speech."

Ruber squinted his eyes and exhaled briefly then he points to the stethoscope hanging around the neck with his fingertips.

Ruber: "I am a doctor."

Ruber: "It's against my belief to increase the number of injured people, even a burglar. That's why I protected them."

Nox: "Hmm... Is it okay to hurt yourself in the process though?"

Ruber: "I can treat myself, you know."

Nox: "I don't think that's the case. You are a very strange person."

Ruber: "You are more suspicious."

Nox: "Me?"

Ruber: "I don't want to get too personal but in this place late at night, what on earth were you doing?"

Ruber: "If you don't want to get involved, why did you come all the way here to talk to me?

Nox: "My, why is that, I don't know myself."

Nox: "I am Nox."

Ruber: "Hah?"

Nox: "My name. I am called Nox."

Nox: "I want to know your name too. Tell me."

Nox's eyes, with a mysterious smile, twinkled like a glass ball of curiosity.

And for a while, times goes by...

Nox: "Hey, Ruber. We meet again."

Nox: "Going home from a house visit? You're still working hard."

As he traveled around the world treating patients, Nox showed up everywhere he went.

Ruber: "I feel like you are stalking me, and I don't feel comfortable."

Nox: "I don't understand what people are saying. I'm traveling too though?"

Ruber: "Travel...? What's the purpose of that then?"

Nox: "I'm looking for something very dear to me."

Nox: "I don't know if I can find it or not, but I don't want to give up..."

Ruber cast a slightly concerned look at the evasive nox.

Ruber: "------ Is there anything I can do to help you find this thing you're looking for?"

Nox: "Eh?"

Ruber: "What? What's with that stupid face?"

Nox: "Because----- you said things like you're my friend."

Ruber: "If it was too much for you, then forget about it."

Nox: "No, no. I am happy."

Nox: "But I am sorry, I can't let you help me with that."

Nox: "This is between me and my country."

Between the two of them standing a little apart, the cold wind blew through...

Afterwards, Nox often visited Rubel.

One day, a few years after their first meeting...

Nox showed up at the village clinic where Ruber was staying for the night.

Nox: "Hey, Ruber. What do you use this tool for?"

Ruber: "Have you ever heard of scalpels? It's a surgical tool."

Nox: "Well, that's an interesting shape. I wonder if my scythe cuts well too."

Ruber: "I've been wondering for a long time, what the hell is that useless big scythe for?"

Nox: "Ah, do you want to know? The scythe has a long story to tell."

Ruber: "-------That's enough. I know you're not going to take this seriously."

Letting out a deep sigh, Ruber takes care of his work tools with a familiar gesture.

Nox: "I know it's a little late to say but it's amazing as to what a doctor can do. You save people's lives and keep them together."

Ruber: "Not all lives can be saved."

Nox: "Even so, I think it's amazing."

Nox: "You're the complete opposite of me."

Nox murmured in a voice so low that even Ruber couldn't reach it, at that time also...

Someone knocked on the door of the clinic in a reserved manner.

Ruber: "What? Is it emergency?"

Village Mayor: "No, I didn't bring a patient with me today."

Village Mayor: "As a matter of fact, I've heard some bad things about that gray-haired guy you often hang out with."

Ruber: "Grey-haired man? You mean Nox?"

Village Mayor: "Yes. They say every time that guy shows up, natural disasters, man-made disasters, and other bad things happen."

Village Mayor: "And with the way he looked, some people wondered if he was the Grim Reaper."

Village Mayor: "Everyone is scared. The god of death and you who are with the god of death..."

Ruber: "If you want me to leave, then I will do so tomorrow."

Village Mayor: "I am glad you responded quickly."

Village Mayor: "I am sorry, you've done a lot of things for us and yet..."

With a distressed bow, the mayor left from the clinic.

Ruber: "Grim reaper? That's silly."

Ruber frowned in frustration as he returned to the clinic.

There was no sign of Nox, who should have been in the room just a few moments ago, nor was there a shadow of him.

Meanwhile...

Nox was walking alone on a narrow street on the outskirts of the village.

Nox: "The Grim Reaper------- I'm used to being called that."

With a self-mocking smile, Nox drops his gaze to his hand.

There was the scalpel, which he had taken out of the bag just earlier.

Nox: "I'm the one who guards the souls of the dead and you who fight for the living."

Nox: "Wanting to be your friends... It was such a presumptuous wish."

Nox quickens his pace as he shakes off the sound of Rubel searching for him from behind.

With only a lonely shadow in tow, Nox disappeared into the depths of the forest...

#yume100 #夢王国と眠れる100人の王子様 #translation

3 notes · View notes

potahun · 4 years

Text

Some more Qin Shen Shen moment translations (part 5/?)

Link to other translations so far

-Pretty much all the cuts in Ep. 10 (including some non-QSS because Ep. 10 is funny in general)

a. The order of performances for ep.10 was decided via Kart race + DDR. I.e. the team with the highest compiled scored at kart racing + DDR get to choose in which order they want to perform first, and so on. The MC explains that some tried kart racing for the very 1st time (Zhou Shen), and some tried DDR for the 1st time (Fei Yuqing).

MC: Even though it was Xiao Ge’s first time at DDR, he made a new record that is likely to be unbroken from now on. Indeed, Xiao Ge’s score at DDR was 1600. (the crowd cheers) Right, that is a big number, huh? Because...normally, when ordinary people play, their score is around 8000. (FYQ: ;;;;;;;;;)

b. During the “flashback” to the kart racing: Zhou Shen represents Qin Shen Shen, and is racing against Zhou Hua Jian, Liu Yuning, Ayanga and Xiao Zhan. The scene speaks for itself but basically Zhou Shen’s “speed” is such that he gets his own personalised BGM.

LKQ, watching from afar with the rest of the cast: This, Zhou Shen can keep driving leisurely like that, it’ll be fine. Huh. (i.e. he has zero expectations, just wants ZS to drive safely)

(Later, when Zhou Shen finishes 1 loop at last) LKQ, happily: Hey! Zhou Shen finally completed one loop!

c. When it is revealed that Fei Yuqing and Ayanga are singing 2nd.

AYG: The two of us actually ranked 5th (for kart racing + DDR). Normally, we wouldn’t even have to think about it, huh? (FYQ: Right) We should have been the ones performing first (because no one wants to perform first usually).

MC: Hold, hold, hold, hold on. You two ranked 5th?

AYG: We ranked 5th honorably. (FYQ: Mm)

MC: I think, Xiao Ge playing DDR for the first time, we can totally understand (that he’d rank last), but is there any problem with you and kart racing?

AYG, smiling and pointing around him: But really. There were strong people. (ZHJ: No, no, no) Really, big brother Hua Jian was too strong. Zhan Zhan? Too strong. Yuning...I couldn’t even see those 3 people at the front, and I was already driving fast enough.

MC: Eh? Wait a second. Zhou Shen is the only one you haven’t mentioned.

AYG: Shen Shen was in the same lane as me. He was following me.

ZS: He’s being polite, I was playing in a completely different playground from them.

ZHJ, who can’t keep it in: Can I say this?

AYG: Yes? (ZS: H-h-huh?)

ZHJ (to the MC): Zhou Shen started to drive in the wrong direction. (MC: Hah?? AYG: Right, right!)

The flashback shows Zhou Shen during the practice race, driving onto the grass and then going the wrong way until he’s driving in the opposite direction from everyone else.

LYN and ZHJ, when ZS crosses them and wheezes past: ??????

The Karting staff, when ZS gets stuck on the side of the road: Don’t drive in the opposite direction! It’s dangerous!

ZS: I don’t know how...! I don’t know....

Later, when they’re at the starting line, ZS (to LYN): What’s the course like? *draws with his finger* Like this?

LYN: Yeah! (...) There’s only one way!

ZS, confused: There’s only one?

LYN: Just don’t go where there’s grass and it’ll be fine. There’s just one road.

ZS, shouting: Everyone please be careful! If you see me, please make way! *laughs*

Back to the “present”, Ayanga explains that you’d sometimes see a car seemingly driving without a driver, and Zhou Shen rectifies “You’d sometimes see just a helmet”.

LKQ (to ZS): Hey, in the future, better not drive onto the road, huh?

ZS: I definitely won’t. I definitely won’t drive. *laughs*

d. When Fei Yuqing and Ayanga set up their stage, and Ren Xianqi notices that there is a Gu Qin (an instrument) onstage. Zhou Shen and Liu Yuning comment on how the stage visual looks like going to be big.

ZS (to LYN): We have nothing.

LKQ: I have dry ice.

LYN, smiling: Dry ice will already be dazzling.

e. After Xiao Zhan and Angela Chang finished their performance of “Shout” (3rd performance). The MC asks why Zhou Shen was singing along:

ZS, trying not to make AC seem old: This song is also one I listened to a lot when I was somewhat more...uh...

AC: Just say it, you! (XZ, helping ZS: Teens. In your teens)

ZS: Right, in my teens. So I was immediately brought back to that environment. Moreover, these 3 first songs, after hearing them, I feel like this stage is becoming increasingly more serious. And the scent of competition is getting increasingly thicker.

LKQ: Yeah, seeing that the first 3 groups are all so good...There are a few lyrics in this song that fit pretty closely with my current feeling, and those are “My heart is very dark”. (ZS loses it)

f. After the 4th performance, by Ren Xianqi and Liu Yuning.

MC: Teacher Keqin, after hearing them sing, did your heart light up?

Li Keqin shakes his head, looks down, and Zhou Shen picks up the mic after laughing silently at him:

ZS, singing about LKQ: “His heart is the color black~” (T/N: the melody and lyrics are derived from one of the songs they sang in the past)

Zhou Hua Jian loses it.

ZS, still singing while LKQ hides his face: “Today it’s finally my turn to pull the ladder under his feet~”

Someone in the audience shouts for Li Keqin to respond to Zhou Shen, but Li Keqin is too busy laughing and hiding his face.

g. Announcing Li Keqin and Zhou Shen’s turn to perform.

MC: Everyone knows it already. There’s nothing more to wait for *designates LKQ and ZS, who starts stretching*

LKQ: To be honest, after having seen the 4 groups before us, I’m feeling a little scared..... Because aside from the fact that they’re all really skilled, really good at singing...the packaging was also ... (ZS, completing for him: Impressive. Beautiful) Even the dancer at the front (during the previous performance) was really pretty. (RXQ cracks up)

MC: You’re not telling me that you weren’t listening to them singing and were just looking at that dancer, are you?

LKQ: No, no, no, no! I’m just looking at everything in detail.......Our song....aside from dry ice, will have nothing. (ZS laughs silently next to him) *holds ZS’s arm* But we have chosen a very good song. *lets ZS speak*

ZS: Right, actually it’s me who’s been pleading for this song since Episode 1. I’ve said “I really love this song”.

MC: But I think you guys really have some guts. (ZS laughs) Because half of the original singers of this song is currently sitting in this room.

ZS: He’s not only the original singer. He is also the one who (LKQ finishes with him: composed it.)

MC: Yeah...aren’t you guys really too gutsy?

(...)

h. Preparation of Lovers in the World. Li Keqin and Zhou Shen sitting next to each other in the backstage room.

ZS, fist against palm (to LKQ): Thank you so much to teacher Keqin!

LKQ, looking away: It’s nothing~OK lah~ OK lah~

ZS: Because, I think this song actually doesn’t have that many advantages in a competition. It’s not the kind of song that goes “aaaaaa” *mimics high notes with hand movements* That kind...

LKQ: It does! You have the parts that go *mimics ZS’s ‘aaaah’ parts in Lovers in the World, but very exaggeratedly*

ZS: I think our high notes in this song are all for the purpose of the mood, though...So I think this song is not that competitive.

LKQ: Actually, it’s pretty difficult. Because it’s got harmonisation from beginning to the end. (ZS: Yes, and all the lyrics are very crisp *makes a guilty face, likely because he knows it’s hard for LKQ to pronounce*) And also, for other songs, they don’t take too long to remember. This one, for someone who speaks Cantonese, it’s pretty.........hard. (ZS laughs silently while looking at him) It requires that both people have good chemistry.

ZS: Right.

LKQ: And after that, we’ll.....do our best *looks at ZS, while ZS makes another guilty face*

(the next part I’ve already translated. Basically, ZS praises LKQ who says no need for praise since he’s already agreed to sing this song with him)

ZS, very loudly: Right, so let everyone have a good listen at our teacher Keqin’s Mandarin, it’s first class level of awesome! *both thumbs up* (LKQ: ......;;; Ok)

i. After they finished performing “Lovers in the World”.

LKQ doing a playful salute: Teacher Hua Jian. (since it’s ZHJ’s song) (...)

MC: Elder brother Keqin, are you still nervous?

LKQ: Uhhh...*huffs* I’ve let... let out a breath. Right. Mm. *looks at ZS* Are you satisfied? You’ve always been hoping to sing this song.

ZS: I’m really happy I could sing this song. But what I didn’t expect is that while singing this song, we’d have teacher Hua Jian present. I think that’s an unexpected gift. Thank you, thank you.

(...)

RXQ, commenting on the performance: I keep thinking that, in my heart, Zhou Shen is like Peter Pan.

LKQ: Is it his outer appearance that’s like Peter Pan? (ZS laughs)

RXQ: No, no, I’m just saying, it’s because he has a pure heart towards music, like a child. (LKQ happily pats ZS on the back) There’s a positive energy in his voice. And their two voices, when they’re together, it’s just....It’s still that phrase for me: a Match Made in Heaven. So great. (LKQ is busy happily and playfully kicking ZS)

ZS: Thank you Xiao Qi Ge, thank you.

j. Easter Egg: DDR cut. One person per team, with Li Keqin representing Qin Shen Shen. Fei Yuqing and Angela went first, then Ren Xianqi and Yi Qiao, and Li Keqin went last, so he’s spent each of the other turns learning and practicing the steps.

ZS, teasingly, when RXQ and YQ are done: Teacher Keqin, it’s up to you!

Staff: Is there anyone who wants to do it together with Teacher Keqin? (since there are 2 spots on the machine)

LYN: Zhou Shen, go, Zhou Shen!

ZS: ???

LYN: Go, it’s time to show your strong suit!

AYG (to ZS): You just ranked 5th (in kart racing), you have to pull out some of your self-respect.

ZS, asking for cheers: What did I rank?

AYG: ......First! First.

ZS, turning to LKQ now that they’re both on the machine: Teacher Keqin. Now that you’ve already learned it twice.....

LKQ:

LYN (to LKQ and ZS): You have to remember you’re people who have danced to “Ye Lang Disco”.

ZS: Will we turn out to be the two with the highest scores out of everyone? *laughs cheekily*

(Half way through their DDR run, Zhou Shen starts holding Li Keqin’s hand and shouting directions like “Jump!” “Up! Right! Left!” until eventually Li Keqin gets distracted and messes up)

LKQ, protesting: HEY.

ZHJ and LYN, laughing at them: He’s distracting him.

AYG: Let me tell you, if you give Zhou Shen two more inches of legs, he won’t miss a single one. (ZS laughs)

In the end, Li Keqin gets a really high score, even higher than Zhou Shen.

ZS, happily staring at LKQ who has his hands in the air: Whoa! You scored higher than me!! (the two continue to stare at each other before eventually going for a celebratory hug)

#qin shen shen #li keqin #zhou shen #hacken lee #wo men de ge #our song #qss trans #the part where they announce the results is already translated so I won't put it in this part #I think its in part 2 or 3 #anyways the DDR and karting parts are still so good

15 notes · View notes