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hannieween · 6 months

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after dark | city lights series | h.js

It all started with a deal with your next door neighbor, Joshua Hong. A little harmless deal that surprisingly led you to finding love; and a part of yourself that you were still discovering.

✮ pairings: joshua hong x female reader ✮ genre: fluff, angst, smut (18+) ✮ aus: rock singer joshua, boyfriend joshua, ldr ✮ word count: 22.3k

›🎧: underwater – red velvet | deep deep sleep – woodz | water – ten

→ previous chapters

› nsfw warnings under the cut

✮ warnings: alcohol consumption (no dubcon), smut with plot, dom joshua, brat reader, reader is on the pill, foul language, dirty talk, unprotected p in v sex, creampies [a lot of these], cumplay, spit play, oral sex (m, f), multiple orgasms, phone sex, guided masturbation, use of sex toys (rabbit vibrator), sextapes, manhandling, quickie, anal play, praise/degradation kink, breeding kink, exhibitionism: sex in semi public spaces, brat taming: spanking, bondage (belt); pet names: sweetheart, princess, baby, bunny (hers) handsome, baby, babe, baby boy (his)

✮ this was proofread by the amazingly talented @cvntrlseecvntrlvee thank you for helping me with ideas, and for being there to witness drunk v writing that quickie hehe

✮ disclaimer: minors dni this post is intended for 18+ readers ONLY. please have your age stated in your description and try not to look like a bot please 🙂.

part viii — part one

The ride back home was characterized by an unpleasant silence, only interrupted by your crying. It wasn't a loud, snotty weeping, you just kept silently gathering tears, sobbing every now and then.

But your boyfriend's best friend noticed. Every time you brought your hand to wipe away tears with the sleeve of your sweater, you'd feel his swift gaze on you as he kept driving.

"Do you want to grab some food? Are you okay?" Yoon Jeonghan asked once, his tone tentative and cautious.

"I'm fine," you smiled sheepishly. "I'm okay. I'm just a bit of a crybaby."

"Oh, don't say that," he responded calmly. "You're allowed to cry, it's okay."

You laughed meekly. "Is this a good first impression?" you wondered out loud. "I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about that," he said while eyeing you with a polite smile on his face. "You know, Joshua asked me to get you home, but I also wanted to meet you ever since he told me about you," he mentioned briefly and with a simple tone.

You turned to see the man you knew almost nothing about. "He's told you about me?"

Jeonghan scrambled for words. You noticed his shifty eyes and when he parted his lips, "I, uh, don't wanna get myself in trouble," he chuckled embarrassedly. "He just told me that he was seeing someone."

You narrowed your eyes, spotting his clear lie but decided not to press.

"You need to understand—Joshua has never been this serious with anyone in the years I've known him," he told you, eyeing you and the road. "And I've known him for a long time. So when he told me that he was serious about you... I knew I had to meet you."

"I find that hard to believe, him being single for years. I know, he's told me but," you pointed with a small laugh. "I mean, Joshua is..."

Jeonghan shifted a little in his seat. "Yeah, yeah, I know. Eyebrow piercing, emo boy, hard to resist," he chuckled. "Yes, that guy, single. I guess he's told you that he had some flings here and there but never committed."

"He doesn't–hasn't told me much about his past relationships," you told your boyfriend's best friend. "We actually don't talk about that, either his or my own past relationships."

"That's fair," he hummed, shifting the grip on the steering wheel to one hand, while he decided to rest the other on the windowsill. "But don't think that there's some tragic backstory, or whatever that's made him like this. Shuji was always set on growing his musical career before chasing someone."

You stifled a laugh. "Suppose I got lucky, then."

"Maybe you both are just lucky," he muttered, eyes set on the road ahead.

"So how did you two meet?" you wondered. "If you don't mind me asking."

"We met through another friend," he eyed you curiously. "Choi Seungcheol, you've met him?"

"I don't think I have, no," you frowned and then your mouth parted. "Oh! Is it the bar owner?"

Jeonghan nodded. "That's the one," he gave you an amused smile. "Now the story of how we actually met is something I decidedly shouldn't tell you," he chuckled again and darted a look at you. "Ask your boyfriend."

"Why, is it bad?" you asked innocently.

"No, not bad. Nothing is bad if you have a good excuse," he let out a low cackle. "It was a really fun night. I lost a lot of money," he coughed a bit, steering the wheel with one hand.

"Mmph, that only generates more questions, you know," you scoffed and he only gave you a grin in response.

"Your turn, then," he looked at you when the car stopped at a red light. "How did you meet Joshuji? Of course, if that's a story you would like to share."

Joshuji. Your stomach twisted at the sound of the fond nickname.

"I uh, I have really bad sleeping habits," you started with some shyness, but there was something in the nature of your boyfriend's best friend. He seemed inviting and familiar.

"Ah, really?" his eyebrows shot up.

You nodded, continuing: "I went to his door one day to tell him to stop playing his guitar because I couldn't sleep, thinking it was really early in the morning to be playing on speakers," you chuckled awkwardly. "Turns out that it was well past noon. And I was still in pjs, sleep deprived and cranky."

"Mmmn," he nodded with thought. "I have bad sleep habits too."

"Oh no, I'm sorry to hear that," you replied pitifully.

"Don't be. I'm used to it," he replied quickly, drawing in a breath before he pulled to the curb. "And there you go, Ms. Hong. Arrived home safe."

"Thank you for the ride," you smiled, gathering your bearings and before you could step out of his fancy car you turned to see the man. "Let me compensate you in some way."

His eyebrows pushed up. "I'm sorry?"

"Yeah, let me buy you lunch or so-something," you replied shyly. "I owe you."

He snorted a laugh. "Ever heard of friends? You owe me nothing."

You looked away, trying to hide the evident shame you felt and probably showed in your face. "I also want to know more about you... and Joshua."

"Ah, then you should've said it like that," he tutted, a smile threatening to break on his face. "Lunch is alright."

The first weekend went by slowly.

Thankfully, you had a lot of work to bury yourself in, such as signing books, preparing and green lighting stuff for the book promotions. You were surprised to see that your agency had secured you round a of interviews, so you had to prepare for that too.

One morning you were returning to your apartment, a bag of fresh groceries in your arms, when you saw a tall man standing outside your door. Your stomach twisted at the sight, and your first instinct was to think of Joshua, even if that was quite improbable.

But the man faced the door, and you caught sight of his sharp nose and slightly curly dark hair hiding beneath a black beanie. You suddenly realized that you'd seen this man before, and it was your neighbor.

"Hi," you chirped, making the man turn to you now. "Seokmin, right?"

"Hi, there," he gave you a toothy grin. "That's right. I'm just here to drop by some things that Joshua left in our old apartment. Is it alright if I drop them with you?"

"Yeah, of course," you replied, noticing the cardboard box in his arm. You reached to open up the door and stepped inside. "You can leave it on the table, it's fine."

"Thanks," he muttered. "That's all he left behind, that's it for me. Have a nice day!"

And with that, you were barely uttering a phrase in goodbye when Seokmin walked out your door, turning down to the elevator instead to what used to be Joshua's apartment. A hollow feeling invaded you when it dawned on you that the place was finally empty now.

With a long sigh, you closed your door and turned to the box on the table. You decided to pry inside it, to find some pillowcases neatly folded, a bottle of shampoo, a black cap, sunglasses, a protein shaker and a pair of training gloves.

You gave yourself the freedom to empty the box and find a place for these items in your bedroom. Joshua had left two large sound amplifiers in your apartment already, so you saw no reason why you shouldn't find somewhere to keep his other stuff.

You were just leaving the bottle of shampoo in the shower when you caught the tangy smell of citrus, like fresh lemonade or the tangerine splash when you peel off the juicy fruit. It instantly reminded you of the smell of Joshua's hair, the smell you swore lingers in the pillow he used the last time he slept with you.

Joshua had been gone for two days, and you were getting by just fine. He called once a day and texted whenever he could. But the truth was that he kept busy, and had little time to even catch up with you.

So in an attempt to distract yourself from the gut wrenching feeling you got from missing him, you went into your room and lay down on the bed, scrolling mindlessly on your phone.

That's when you were reminded of the videos Joshua had sent the night he arrived at his hotel room. He made no comment about it, just dropped them in the conversation he shared with you and you hadn't had the opportunity to watch them. Until now.

The videos Joshua sent you were of the last night you had sex with him. One video started and the first thing that caught your eye was your face. Your heart sank at the first glimpse of what his view was when he fucked you: the camera flash hit your eyes and you grimaced slightly, but you could see in the video, despite it all, your lust-blown eyes looking at him expectantly.

It was the first time you saw yourself in this position. Lying face up to him, your head in the pillows, hair spread all over them. In that second, you could feel yourself heating up when you saw yourself like this. And your arms were framing your head and your wrists, god—bound by rope tightly and tied up to your headboard. Joshua's hand came into the frame, and the angle of the camera shifted down to your naked body, thus showing his.

A burning sensation rushed inside you when you saw his cock, fully hard, as Joshua gripped it in his hand. He kept his thumb on top of his veiny, thick shaft. Your mouth watered as you saw him guiding it to your core.

A desperate need to feel what your eyes were watching overwhelmed you so badly that you had to pause the video and put your phone down. You were surprised at the response of your body, your accelerated heart, the excitedness coursing through your veins, buzzing in your ears. You knew you had to do something about it.

You felt your pulse beneath your hot skin as you tugged your shorts down with one hand, dragging your wet panties along and finished taking them off by kicking them with your feet.

Pushing your knees up, you parted your thighs slightly, only to sneak one hand in and let out a sigh upon feeling just how wet you were already.

Your free hand scrambled in your bed, blindly searching for your phone and you tapped play to resume watching Joshua's hand, guiding his pretty cock inside you. The reddened cockhead nudged in your entrance—just as your fingers glided in your wetness, your mind went blank, subdued by the need to recreate what you felt that night.

"Fuck," Joshua muttered when he sheathed himself completely inside you, his voice sounded soft in the video, making you shudder in ecstasy as your fingers toyed with your clit.

The first video ended there. But the next one was even dirtier. As you continued rubbing your clit, your eyes watched Joshua's point of view, as he fucked you slowly. You saw his cock disappearing inside you, and then pulling back out, glistening wet from his arousal and your own.

The faces you made, the noises that escaped your parted lips, your lust-lidded eyes as you kept them trained on him. You remembered then that you were getting more aroused by seeing his own enjoyment, the pleasure he got from having you bound to your bed.

You also heard his breathing through the video, though you couldn't see his face. You ached to see him, to feel him again as the second video came to an end.

The videos were on loop as you worked on your poor throbbing pussy and you came while watching them over and over again. You felt pathetic, tired, furiously needy, and you know a couple of videos wouldn't suffice.

"Joshua, Joshua..." you chanted until your voice was hoarse, your body twitching in your bed.

You had tossed your phone on the pillow beside your head, only getting by the memory of him fucking you, and the sound of the low grunts caught on the video. You touched yourself until your fingers were worn, your poor pussy so wet you couldn't even touch your clit properly without the pads of your fingers slipping.

A chilling shudder shook your body when your phone started buzzing beside your head. You turned to look at the pop-up tab above the video of your boyfriend fucking you. Only to see that he was calling you.

"He-hello?" you croaked and cleared your throat. "Hi."

"Hi, bunny," your boyfriend sighed contentedly. "Am I interrupting something?"

You moved your hand from between your legs and rested it on top of your lower tummy.

"No, not at all," you lied and your voice betrayed you completely.

"Sure, baby? I can call later. I just got to the hotel room and was thinking of catching up with you," he hummed happily, you heard him groan when you assumed by the noise at the other end that he just threw himself onto a bed.

"I'm fine, Josh," you sighed, thinking of what to say. "Ha-how was your day?"

"Are you sick, baby? You sound a little hoarse–,"

"I'm okay," you gulped nervously and closed your eyes shamefully: "I was watching the videos you sent me."

Joshua paused for a second only. "Oh, my sweet girl, you should've just said that," he cooed and you knew by his tone that he was smiling: "Were you touching yourself, baby?"

"I–," you choked out nervously. "Yeah."

"Don't let me stop you, sweetheart," he purred with his honeyed voice and you squeezed your eyes, shaking with a violent shudder that demanded you to continue pleasuring yourself.

"Joshua," you blurted, your voice high and shaky. "I need you."

"What do you need from me, baby? Sounds like you were at it for quite some time, am I right?" he said tauntingly.

"I need you Josh,—I can't anymore," you mumbled coyly.

"You can't what, baby?" he asked, sounding amused and when you didn't give him an immediate reply, he just assumed. "Did you tease that pretty pussy until you can't come anymore?"

"Can you help me? Please Josh," you sighed pathetically, trying to ignore the throbbing of your walls.

"Get your rabbit dildo," he instructed without skipping a beat.

That drew a triumphant grin from you, getting up from your bed you walked to your dresser, where you kept your toys inside a box and got the vibrator. "How did you know I wasn't using my toys?"

"A feeling," he hummed sweetly. "Did you like the videos, baby?"

You settled back in your bed, dildo in one hand, phone in the other pressing against your ear. "Yeah, I did. I wish you recorded for longer, though."

"Maybe I did it on purpose," he replied in a low tone. "Maybe I just wanted you to have a little reminder."

"But I want more," you whined with a pout, knowing that the whiny tone in your voice would work on him. "I need you so bad, Joshua."

"Turn it on," he purred and you carried out his order immediately. When he heard the faint buzzing of your vibrator, he added: "I miss you too, baby. You have no idea. I miss you. I miss your lips. I want you to kiss me more when we make love, will you do that, baby?"

"Ye-yeah, Josh," you stammered. "I will do anything you want me to."

"Mm, baby, you're so good," he sighed softly. "So fucking good to me. Put the tip in, bunny—slowly."

"Mmnah," you moaned as soon as the tip came into contact with your throbbing pussy and you pushed in, slowly as he indicated, but then the slow thrusting motion of the dildo made you squirm a little. "Joshua–,"

"Don't push it all the way in, not yet," he directed, knowing full well that you would do just as he said. So you didn't let the shaft go all the way into the additional part of the dildo that would massage your clit.

"Josh," you sighed, biting back a moan as the slow thrusting of the dildo worked on your pussy. But still, it was not enough.

"I also miss the way you feel around me," he said with a low groan and you shuddered again, delighting over the fact that he too was aroused. "You feel... You feel like nothing else, baby. So fucking addictive."

"Are you–, are you touching yourself too, Josh?" you asked with a high-keen pitch.

"Mm, yeah. I am baby," he purred softly and your body responded with an ecstatic shudder. The truth is he got hard the moment he knew you were playing with yourself.

So there he was, sprawled in his hotel bed, completely naked, cock in his hand languidly pumping himself. "I need you too, bunny. Need to feel you."

You let out a whiny moan in response, feeling like his words were doing more work on your body than the dildo thrusting inside your walls slowly and rhythmically. "Fuck," you whispered. "I need to feel you too, Josh. It–it's not the same."

"Of course it's not the same, bunny," he groaned softly and you heard a soft sigh that resembled a smile. "Does my sweet girl miss my cock?"

You swallowed hard. "Ye-yeah. I miss you, Josh."

"That's not what I asked," he toyed, a small smile on his face as he rolled his hand around his reddened cockhead, smearing his shaft with precum to keep pumping slowly.

"I miss your cock. I need you inside me, need you to fuck me," you blurted out uncontrollably.

Joshua swallowed back a moan upon hearing you talk like that. And you got a taste of what he felt whenever you moaned in his ear when a low, raspy hum poured into your ear and your inner thighs clenched instantly.

"Close your eyes and push the dildo further, turn up the speed for me," you responded with a loud moan when you did. "Just let yourself go. Imagine it's me, can you do that, baby?"

"God, Josh," you moaned as your inner thighs started to shake slightly. You tried to imagine him, inside you instead of the vibrator, and its mechanical thrusting.

"I'm here, sweetheart," he murmured with a low raspy voice that only made your walls throb desperately. "God, I miss your needy pussy too. Always so wet and tight for me, sucking my cock back in. So fucking good, baby."

At that, you felt your walls flutter around the vibrator. Joshua knew how much you loved hearing him talk like that, his honeyed, worn voice pouring into your ear, making your body burn in pure delight. You could only give him a mewling sound in response.

"Yeah, I like hearing that," he said with a low rasp.

"Mmnf–fuck. Josh, I need more," you blurted impatiently when you were just at the edge, but needed more friction in your clit, needed to feel stuffed full. "Can I, babe?"

A pause.

"What did you just call me, baby?" he asked, his voice taut and almost breaking at the end. His lips raised in a smirk and pressed the phone to his ear to listen to your ragged breathing.

"Babe," you sighed a moan, no longer able to contain yourself, your legs twitching involuntarily.

"Fuck," Joshua blurted out in a mere a whisper. His mind reeled with an ecstatic shudder when he realized how much he loved hearing you call him that.

You could've smiled at that if it weren't for the desperate need for release. "Please I need more," you pressed. "Ca-can I go faster?"

"Mmn," a long hum, raw and almost inaudible. His hand gripped his cock tighter, now pumping himself faster. "Yeah, bunny. Go all the way in. Go faster too."

You pushed the dildo inside you with a blissful sigh. "Thank you, babe," you moaned and switched the speed to the one that would get you to come. "God, I need you, Josh."

"Yeah, baby?" he grunted slightly and then he sighed out when he felt his chest cave in. "I need you too. I miss your body and your warmth..."

Your mind had gone blank the minute the rabbit ears of the dildo started rubbing your clit, at the same time that the shaft increased the speed of the steady thrusts.

"Josh, I'm close, baby," you whimpered, lifting your hips from the bed slightly, rolling them as your orgasm drew nearer.

"God," Joshua gasped and swallowed back a moan. "I know you want me to talk dirty right now, baby, but I really fucking miss you."

"I miss you too, Josh," you squeezed your eyes shut, your jaw going slack as your sweet high took over your body, making you moan loudly.

"Fuck, fuck. I'm close too," he breathed, his fist pumping on his cock faster. "Keep doing that, baby. I need to hear you."

"Mmn, Josh," you whimpered lewdly, arching your back on the bed, letting the fiery pleasure consume you at last, crying out in pleasure, walls clenching erratically around the rabbit dildo.

"Joshua," you sobbed. "Baby, I love you."

An ecstatic feeling flooded inside him. A raspy moan coiled in Joshua's throat and he screwed his eyes shut, letting a shaky exhale out as his orgasm spilled all over his hand and abdomen, slowly pumping himself until the last spurts of cum came out of him.

"I love you too, bunny," he replied with a shy murmur.

You turned off the vibrator letting the gentle aftershocks of your orgasm run through your body. "Did you come because I told you that I love you, Josh?" you realized.

"Yeah," he replied and groaned slightly upon hearing your adorable laugh. "Don't laugh at me."

"You're cute," you cooed and then you mimicked him, almost getting his honeyed tone to a point: "Do you like hearing me say that, baby?"

"Of course I do, bunny," he replied with a hint of feigned annoyance. "I think I won't ever get tired of hearing you say it."

"Ever?" you asked, pressing your ear to the phone to hear him sigh and you just knew he was smiling.

"Yeah, I know it sounds cheesy but, I really like when you talk sweet to me," he said with a shy, breathy chuckle.

"Mm, I'll do it more often," you grinned. "You might get sick of me."

"I promise you, I won't," he asserted. "D'you feel better now, baby?"

"Yeah," you exhaled, a gloomy feeling falling upon you. "But I'm sad you're not here to care for me afterwards."

Joshua gave you a disgruntled sound. "I know, I know. But I still need you to do what we normally would do together, okay?" he asked softly and your gut twisted over imagining his eyebrows knitting.

"Mmn, but you're not here to cuddle me," you reproached some more.

"Baby," he pressed firmly.

"Okay, okay," you conceded.

"How about this: we go wash and I'll call you again?" he offered with a softer tone now.

"Mmh yeah, I'd like that," you murmured. And with that, you went and washed your hands thoroughly, and cleaned the vibrator, neatly placing it back to where you kept it.

Afterwards, Joshua videocalled you. And as you talked, you started to feel better, as if the nostalgic feeling was a mere afterthought now. Joshua talked about the city he was in, the hotel room he was staying in and the excitement he felt about his upcoming show.

You have no recollection of when you fell asleep, only that you woke up the following day with a message from Joshua that read: "You've fallen asleep, baby… I hope you don't mind if I keep an eye on you for a few minutes. Before I go to sleep. I love you, bunny."

Attached to that message, was a screenshot of you peacefully asleep, the angle twisted to what you assumed was your hand relaxing around your phone. But your face was in the frame, half buried in the pillow, mouth parted a little. And in the corner, the screenshot showed Joshua's face, smiling fondly at the sight of you.

Yoon Jeonghan is a light sleeper.

That is one of the things that you learned about your boyfriend's best friend, during the time you've got to spend together. With Joshua being away for touring and recording sessions, Jeonghan has been there. Slowly, he has become a close friend of yours and he was pretty adamant on being friends. He was one of a kind in that, just a really good friend.

The night you learned he was a light sleeper was a fun night. You had been hate-watching a reality show together over wine and picking on a charcuterie board. Jeonghan had been visiting every few days now, either to watch a movie together or to silently piece together a Lego set.

"Mm, they're gonna kick him out next," Jeonghan asserted. His injured leg was propped up on the couch directly in front of him, a relaxed look on his face, probably from the alcohol.

"But he's the sweetest," you cooed, glossy eyed watching the screen.

"Yeah, that's why," he nodded, a bright look on his face.

You arched an eyebrow at him. Jeonghan was smart. And not only the book-smart kind of guy. He was a pretty good judge of character, just like yourself. But the theater director could read people like you could books.

"He's too sweet for this show, they let him play just enough to keep viewers hooked and will drop him to cause a bigger shock," he pointed one lithe finger to the screen with a devilish grin on his face.

You clicked your tongue. "You're a terrible viewer," you quipped, making his drowsy-lidded eyes turn to you. "You're getting ahead of the thing before it happens!"

Jeonghan scoffed. "Wanna bet?"

"No," you replied wearily with a pout and turned away sheepishly. "You've won all the bettings I've struck with you."

You heard him giggle. "You could win this one, come on, bet," he nodded to the TV.

"I think the pretty one will be kicked out next," you mused, a small smile bundling up your wine-warmed cheeks.

"Why?" Jeonghan stretched out the word. "She's the hottest one in this show!"

"Well, just like you said," you began. "She's pretty and is in love, so that's out for a show that wants to see them all bumping meats together."

"Bumping meats?" Jeonghan retorted and laughed.

"You know what I mean!" you whined.

"You're like an old lady sometimes," he cackled, bringing his vape pen between his lips and dragging in a puff, letting the smoke cascade out of his mouth.

"Stop smoking in my apartment, Yoon Jeonghan!" you squealed.

"Make me," he chuckled and dragged in another breath.

"You–" you cut yourself off before you could think of an insult and grabbed a cushion from the couch to throw it at his face when he laughed even harder at your shy expression.

The cushion hit him square in the face, but it also fell on top of his hand that was holding the wine glass, toppling it over the couch.

"Oop," you uttered, getting the glass before it fell from the seat and onto the floor. But your couch had already suffered all the damage.

"Oh, princess, I'm sorry," Jeonghan cooed immediately upon seeing the red wine stain settling in the seat of your white couch.

"No, no, it's alright," you mumbled, rising from the couch yourself to get a kitchen towel and coming back to press the dry cloth on it. "It's my fault."

You had knelt in front of the couch to press the kitchen towel to stop it from spreading more. Jeonghan was still sitting down, his knee brushed your arm slightly and he moved from it.

"You can bill me for the cleaning service," he assured, looking down as you still did a feeble attempt to do something.

"No, don't worry about it," you shook your head, the movement making you feel dizzy. "I won't let you."

Jeonghan's lips stretched into a smile slowly. "I don't care what you do, let me take care of it."

You narrowed your eyes at him. Jeonghan stared you down as well, pushing his black hair from the side of his face and tucking it behind his ear.

What broke your stare-down contest was the loud buzzing of your phone that had been long forgotten on the coffee table. You jolted slightly and turned from the man hovering above you and picked up the call.

"Hi, Josh," you cooed, eyeing your friend whose smile just got bigger.

"Baby, I'm facetiming you. Stop pressing the phone to your ear," Joshua laughed.

"Oh," you pulled the phone away and the man beside you scoffed a laugh. "Sorry."

Your boyfriend was lying back on the high pillows of the hotel room, his hair washed up and looking like he wasn't wearing a shirt.

"Do you have someone over?" Joshua frowned slightly. The videofeed in the corner showed the camera pointed at you, and in the background, you could see the coffee table with the charcuterie board, wine bottles and glasses. And Jeonghan's wallet, keys, phone and his vape pen.

"Jeongjeong is here," you nodded and pointed the phone to your boyfriend's best friend.

Jeonghan pressed two fingers to his forehead and saluted the camera with a small. "'Sup."

"What are you two guys doing?" was the first thing Joshua said, eliciting an alarming feeling that crawled down your neck.

Though his tone was simple and unsuspecting of anything, you felt nervous nonetheless. Joshua was quite the possessive boyfriend, but since he went away and you had been getting to know his best friend, he has never said anything negative about it.

"We're hate-watching this show," you started.

"We're in the middle of settling a bet!" Jeonghan interjected, making you chuckle out a drunk laugh.

"Are you drunk, sweetheart?" Joshua caught on immediately after that.

"A bit," you murmured, squinting with one eye and bringing up a hand to pinch two fingers in the air. Joshua smiled when you got to your feet and sat beside Jeonghan, on the side that wasn't spilled with wine. Now your video feed on the corner of your phone screen showed you and Jeonghan.

"What's your bet about now?" Joshua asked, watching you with an amused expression on his face.

"Jeonghan is just taking advantage of my poor financing skills," you slurred.

Jeonghan smirked and your boyfriend did too almost as if on cue.

"Don't let him win, baby," your boyfriend advised, but the tone he used with you made you discreetly tuck your lower lip behind your teeth.

"I'm gonna win again. Until you learn," the man beside you shrugged, brushing his shoulder against yours in the process.

Joshua rolled his eyes with a huff. You watched Jeonghan and back to the screen, feeling like you just missed out on the joke.

"Le-learn what?" you babbled.

"I always win," Jeonghan said with ease, making your boyfriend groan.

You gaped at him. "You're cocky," you rolled your eyes and shook your head at him. "Anyway, how are you, Josh?"

This was sort of a new tradition between you and your boyfriend now, he would facetime you and talk about your day, share thoughts and talk like this for at least an hour.

Joshua sucked in a breath slowly. "Tired," he exhaled. "It was a long session today," he said, his honeyed voice sounding worn.

You pouted slightly. Joshua had been recording with Midnight Haze for their first produced album. Every city they hit, they rent a studio and get to recording so they have to use their hours to finish recording their songs fast.

"Take care of yourself, Josh," you cooed, not caring to be openly affectionate with Jeonghan beside you.

"I'm alright, princess. I'm off to bed," he sighed tiredly but with a content look on his face. "You two continue to have fun, okay?"

"M'kay," you mumbled a bit deflated, you hated the days you couldn't get more time talking to him.

"But not too much fun," your boyfriend's mouth turned into a cheeky grin, the pierced eyebrow quirking up. "Not without me."

Jeonghan leaned on your shoulder, taking most of the frame of the camera. "Bye Joshuji," he chanted and waved with his hand.

"Take care," your boyfriend said, although in your state you understood it as don't drink more than you can handle, and nodded.

"Love you, Josh," you said with all the emotion you could muster without making your friend uncomfortable.

"I love you too, baby," he muttered warmly.

The video feed went out and you were met with your reflection on the screen, your eyes beginning to brim with tears as you tossed your phone on the coffee table.

"What?" Jeonghan blurted at that moment and you sniffed, so he went on: "What, what's going on? Why are you crying?"

You knew your tears were part from all the alcohol overpowering your emotions but you were suddenly overcome with a heart wrenching sadness, and worry.

"Oh no, not again," Jeonghan muttered and clicked his tongue. "Come here," he cooed warmly and wrapped an arm around your shoulders to pull you into a cozy embrace.

"I'm sorry," you stuttered between tears, sniffing loudly. "I just–,"

"I know, you don't need to say it," he muttered with a warm tone. "You miss him, you're getting second thoughts."

"I'm not having second thoughts," you frowned and looked at his eyes, drowsy over the alcohol.

"Really?" he pushed his eyebrows up and gave you a tipsy smile. "Really?"

You sent him a confused look. "I–, I've never said that–"

"You don't have to," he muttered. "I've listened to you and all I hear is you guiltripping yourself and then going on a fucking rabbit hole about not 'being good enough' and not telling him how you feel sooner and, honestly it's just–," he sighed.

Your eyebrows knitted involuntarily. "That's how I sound?"

"Yeah, kinda," he tilted his head side to side. "Listen, I know why you feel like this and I hear you but, I think you're more upset by not seeing him as frequently as you used to. Like a baby who just lost their favorite toy."

You laughed through your tears and Jeonghan responded with a sweet smile of his own. "That's mean, Jeongjeong," you muttered, reaching out for your glass of wine and the bottle, pouring a tiny bit more for you to sip.

"It's just how I see it," he gave you a tight squeeze with his arm before releasing you. "Would you feel better if you go and meet up with him?"

"Yeah, I know I would," you said, leaning your head back on the headrest and looking at the ceiling. "But we're not seeing each other for a couple of weeks. And he will not be able to make it to the book release party, so."

Jeonghan leaned his head back the same as you. You turned to see him, he was frowning slightly, his eyes out of focus. "What if I told you that I just got tickets for his show next Saturday?"

You snorted loudly, nearly choking on your saliva, an act fueled by alcohol. "What?"

"And I can also get you there without Joshua knowing, so it could be a surprise. Then you can talk to him about what's bothering you, " he shrugged and gave you a look. "Maybe even convince him to clear his schedule so he can be here."

"You're being oddly nice," you pointed, narrowing your eyes at him.

"Yeah, well don't get used to it," Jeonghan warned and then let out a sigh through a shy smile.

You sighed, looking at the big wine stain on your couch.

Somehow you couldn't bring yourself to care. You gathered your tears with the back of your hand, sniffing involuntarily before saying: "I want a burger," it was a sad declaration.

Jeonghan snorted. "Right now?" he raised his arm, the screen of his smartwatch lighting up from the movement. "It's one in the morning, I doubt we'll find anything open."

"Mm nah, forget it," you brushed off. "I'll get you another glass, hold on."

You slowly gathered your limbs but before you could get up, Jeonghan stopped you with one hand.

"Don't get up," he muttered quickly. "I can't drink more, I have to drive."

"You're leaving already?" you looked at the screen. "But we have to watch the season's finale."

Jeonghan directed his eyes at you. "Then I'll just drink from your glass, just don't get up. We can't both be disabled at the same time."

"I'm not that drunk," you slurred.

"Pfft, yeah right," he smiled and nodded at the flatscreen. "Let's keep watching."

You don't know how or when you fell asleep. You woke up disoriented, your head had fallen languidly from Jeonghan's shoulder, the abrupt awakening made your heart race and your mind reel with some lucidity.

Did you fall asleep on Jeonghan's shoulder?

He had fallen asleep too, his head leaning on the headrest, the features of his face were relaxed, his eyelids trembling slightly as he snored softly.

The screen was frozen, the faint buzzing sound from its electricity made you look for the remote and turn it off. You left the remote on the coffee table, your fingers bumped slightly with the empty glass of wine.

With that, Jeonghan woke up with a start. "Wha–what?" he mumbled sleepily, his arms stretching out into the air.

"We fell asleep," you mumbled, noticing in your speech how drunk you were still.

"Fuck, we did," he groaned, reaching for his phone on the coffee table.

"You can crash here," you offered. "I can bring you blankets and a decent pillow if you want."

Jeonghan raised his wrist once again, noting that it was already three in the morning. "I appreciate that," he lifted his eyes to look at you. "Thank you."

"Don't mention it," you replied with a shy smile.

Some days later, you flew out to surprise your boyfriend in a foreign country. You realized that it wouldn't take much to convince your boyfriend that you were deep in work and totally not about to take a plane. And the reason why it was easy was because you barely talked anymore, since Joshua was kept busy with his own work.

The ticket that Jeonghan had gotten was for a VIP section, up in the wings on one side close to the stage. There was an ominous buzz coming from the people gathering below, waiting for the lights to go out, waiting for the show to begin.

The excitement that coursed through your entire body when you saw Joshua approach the stage and step under the lights was unparalleled. He looked almost ethereal to you.

The orange glow coming from the overhead light made Joshua's frame look warmer and darker, for some reason. The shadows painted on his face almost gave him a melancholic appearance. His eyes remained closed, and his eyebrows knitted in deep focus as he started singing, his sweet and breathy tone taking over the entire venue.

The very few times you've gotten the opportunity to see him perform live, it has been up close. So now that you were some distance from him, you were overwhelmed by a nostalgic feeling, even if he was there, standing under a spotlight.

Slowly as he strummed the first chords of the opening song, the bass and drums joined in with a splashing crescendo, the whole stage became alight in yellow and purple hues and the crowd lauded in cheers and applause.

The song picked up some pacing and the sound of strenuous metal filled your ears, it banged through your body and took over you with a joyous sway. And it seemed that Joshua was taken over by the same urge to move his body to the happy and faster beat of the song.

Joshua looked elated by the time the first song ended. He smiled and gripped the microphone with one hand, eyes running over the crowd as he lifted the other hand, greeting the crowd by the name of its city.

"This is our first time here and we're excited to be opening for Crimson Moon," Joshua sighed with a pleased grin as the crowd went crazy again and waited until it died down again to say: "We're Midnight Haze and this next song is called Reverie."

Joshua turned to see the drummer's signal. Jihoon nodded at him and started playing right away. Then you watched the rest of Midnight Haze's opening show, you saw the lead singer dance with his guitar and frown while singing until the veins on his neck popped up slightly.

Midnight Haze took a minute before starting to play their last song, Joshua bent over to grab a bottle of water and looked at the sea of people as he gulped slowly and then lowered the bottle. His big brown eyes lifted up to the second level stopping cold when they zeroed on you.

Joshua's gaze softened and his shoulders went slack, he wasn't anticipating you there and it showed in his reaction. Your whole body went alight with exhilaration, making you raise your hand and wave at him, "Hi, baby," you mouthed.

The smile he gave you took over the beautiful features of his face, it was so bright that it seemed to quiet down the low murmur of the crowd. It made your whole world stop.

It was quick: he pressed the tips of his fingers against his lips and motioned the kiss at you. Then he was back on business, grabbing his guitar and a pick from the mic stand.

"This next song is our last, it's called Lights Out."

The song was quick paced and happy. It was one of your favorites because it seemed that every time you listened to its beat, it put you into a chipper mood. It ended with a bang, leaving the crowd ready for the main show.

It seemed that Joshua was eager to finish with his presence onstage and get off, because he just simply came forward, waving to the crowd with a cheerful: "We were Midnight Haze, have an incredible night!" and took the strap of his guitar off his shoulder, and walked out the stage with his bandmates following behind.

You wondered what would happen next. Should you wait until the main show is over to look for him? He must be busy after the show.

The following minutes went by achingly slow. You checked your phone to no avail—thinking that Joshua might reach out to you and tell you what to do next but as the white lights were still on, illuminating the whole venue, you looked, searched for his face,

You checked your phone again, biting your lower lip unsure of what to type, what would be the first thing you would say to him upon seeing him for the first time in days?

So you were beginning to type: where are you, on your phone, pressing send and hoping to see him replying. You waited, tapping the screen with the tip of your finger as if that were going to help change the offline status under your boyfriend's name.

You winced in alarm when two large hands slid onto your waist from behind you, and before you could turn to see, you instantly recognized your boyfriend's touch.

"Hi, baby," he muttered in your ear with a raspy voice. His arms encircled you, pressing you against his tall frame and he buried his face in your shoulder.

"Hi, handsome," you replied warmly.

The crowd cheered and went crazy the moment the stage lights went out, signaling that the main show was about to begin. At that moment, Joshua used his hands on you to turn you around, sinking his lips between yours in a hard kiss.

In the darkness, you tried to palm his chest, finding his sweaty face and neck from the performance he just stepped down from. But you still grabbed his face with your hands to press more kisses on his face.

The main show started with a loud whirring of guitars and a booming voice greeted the crowd from below.

"Come with me," Joshua muttered in your ear, grabbing one of your hands from his face and dragging you through the sea of people. He tugged at your hand to keep you close, maneuvering you to walk in front of him as you both went downstairs.

"Where are we going?" you asked innocently as he pointed you to a dimly lit corridor and now he led the way, away from the stage and the crowd.

The vibrations from the loud music muffled your voice, and it appeared that your boyfriend didn't hear you, but he turned all the same, pulling you from your arm and wrapping you in his again. Joshua was happy, the happiest you've ever seen in his eyes as he lifted you from the floor and twirled on his feet.

"Baby, what are you doing here?" he asked, now you were face to face so you heard him clearly. "I thought you were caught up with the book release."

"I wanted to surprise you," you replied with a shy smile.

He put you back on the ground, but was quick to lean down and capture your lips with his own. "When do you go back?" he asked between shallow kisses.

"Why? Do you want me to leave already?" you joked.

"No, no. I just want to know how much time we'll have," he replied, pulling apart and his brow furrowed.

"I leave on Monday," you replied to his question, seeing his expression change slightly. "I didn't lie, I do have a ton of stuff to get ready."

You saw his eyes roam on your face as he appeared to be thinking about something. "Can't you stay a bit longer?" he asked and then shook his head. "Nevermind. You're here."

His hand slid on the side of your face, grabbing you gently before kissing you, his lips moving on yours perfectly. You moaned when his tongue caressed your lower lip, turning the kiss into one that denoted his need to make you feel how much he missed you.

Joshua took your hand, motioning you to the end of the corridor where a large double door stood with security bodies. You both crossed it and then you were in a large waiting room.

You immediately spotted the other two members of Midnight Haze. Jihoon was sitting on one end of a black couch, and he was speaking with someone beside him, a man who you didn't recognize. Vernon on the other hand, was sitting on a lonely sofa, phone in hand and red cup in the other, scrolling his boredom away.

They were surrounded by small groups of people, seemingly all artists or people in the medium. It seemed like it, at least. When Joshua entered the room, a lot of eyes looked his way, and yours, since he was holding your hand and keeping you close to him.

"Hey, Josh, nice gig," someone said in passing, patting Joshua on the back.

"Thanks, man," Joshua nodded with a polite smile.

Your fingers were laced with his, but you felt like you needed both hands to hold onto his. The room was packed, and you felt tiny amongst the people who stood and stared at you.

You were suddenly hit with the realization that this was something that you would have to get used to. You were Joshua's girlfriend now. The lead singer of the successful band Midnight Haze is slowly rising to fame.

And you weren't sure if you wanted to be caught in the spotlight just yet.

Joshua led you to the end of the room where fewer people gathered, but still, he received a lot of praise as you both made your way over. There was a large table, covered with a black tablecloth and cluttered with snacks of all types.

"Are you hungry?" he asked softly, leaning closer so he would have the chance to talk to you in a sweet tone.

You shook your head silently, looking around to make sure no one kept their watchful eyes on your boyfriend.

He seemed not to notice this. "How did you get here?" he said and then his eyes widened. "Jeonghan. Did he do this?"

"Yeah," you shrugged. "Said he wanted us to have a moment together."

Joshua's brow furrowed in thought for a moment, but then he decided not to expand on that by saying: "I have to stay here for a couple of more minutes and then we can go to the hotel if you want to rest."

You tilted your head to one side, looking at his face. "I just want to be with you, handsome," you mumbled, but it came out like a sweet purr.

Joshua smiled, it was an instant reaction, as if his face didn't know what else to do. "Baby, are you flirting with me right now?"

You nodded shyly, tucking your lower lip between your teeth to avoid smiling.

"In front of all these people?" he muttered, his dark eyes glinting with amusement.

"So what if I am?" you blinked, trying with all your might to keep that composure. "What are you going to do?"

He closed his eyes with a smile, it was a brief gesture but you knew that he was enjoying this. But he kissed your forehead, pressing his lips fully to your skin, making you tilt your head back slightly.

"Behave," he muttered quietly. "I have to talk to some people we're recording with tomorrow and then we leave, okay?"

You smiled complacently and nodded. "Okay, baby," you replied with a sweet tone.

His hand cupped the back of your head and you reached out for his kiss. "Fuck," he whispered into your lips and a smile painted his face, rolling his eyes before he added: "Don't make this harder for me, bunny."

You chuckled and gave your seductive act up. "Fine."

Joshua nodded to the people behind you. "Come. You won't have to say anything, just don't leave my side, okay?"

You quickly understood and grabbed his hand again, which he took proudly as he got close to some guys. Joshua was quick to strike up friendly conversation with them, and you knew that they were some big producers that specialized in a very specific sound that Midnight Haze was interested in.

As the conversation shifted into a language that you couldn't follow anymore, your mind started to drift and with it, your gaze wandered around the room.

That's how you caught sight of her.

The first thing you noticed was her piercing gaze pointed in your direction. She tried to conceal her looking over the moment you spotted her, and she did this by pretending to be looking at her phone screen.

You thought nothing of it at first, a lot of people tend to stare at Joshua. He finds it easy to catch the attention of the people around almost unwillingly, most of it due to his very presence and crushing beauty.

But the second time you looked, and found her staring again, you weren't so sure she was just starstruck. The hair on your nape prickled, and you felt your face contort into a frown but you looked away.

"Nice, I'll let my guys know," you heard Joshua say. "Thank you."

He turned to you and exhaled. "That went well, didn't it?"

You nodded robotically.

"You weren't paying attention, right bunny?" he smiled endearingly at you, grazing your cheek with the back of his finger. "We can go now."

"Joshie, is that you?"

You turned over your shoulder to find the girl approaching you and your boyfriend, a bright smile on her pretty face as she stood closer. Now that you could see her clearer, the striking beauty of her face, her high cheekbones and full pink lips that matched the colored contacts on her eyes.

"Thea... hi," he replied slowly.

"I heard you guys were the opening act for the Crimson boys, but wanted to see that for myself," she locked her hands behind her back.

"Yeah, we are," Joshua added and sent you a brief look. "Uh, Thea, this is my girlfriend," he introduced you by name in an awkward manner, almost as if he had forgotten how to handle social encounters completely.

"Oh," she chirped and looked at you. "Hi."

"Hi. Nice to meet you," you smiled through your shyness.

"So, how long are you guys touring for?" she asked, her bright eyes moving up to see Joshua's face.

"We're going for the rest of this tour leg," he pressed his lips in a smile.

Slowly, you gathered that Thea was another singer. You had seen her face before and maybe heard a song or two from her indie rock band.

"That's great!" Thea squealed and you could see that she was being genuine when she added: "I'm happy for you guys."

A fiery wave flooded your tummy when you saw that, but you quickly brushed it away.

"Thanks, Thea."

Her eyes ignored you completely as they roamed on your boyfriend's frame. "I know how hard you worked for this, Joshie. You deserve it."

You slipped your hand out of his grasp quietly, squeezing his arm as if saying, 'I'll leave you guys to talk,' and went to the snack bar to grab a bottle of water. And to get away from the jealousy eating you from the inside.

You didn't register what happened next, and you made an effort to not look over. The heat on your cheeks from the embarrassment was so bad you stalled at the snack bar for longer than you actually needed.

You sat down on the couch with a small sigh. "Hi, there Vernon," you muttered.

"Hi, there," he replied aloofly and then looked up abruptly: "Oh, hi! What are you doing here? I didn't see you before, when did you get here?"

"I watched you open," you explained with a small smile. "It was good, you guys seem to know what you're doing."

Vernon squinted as he smiled at you. "Yeah, we're good actors, so it seems," he joked too.

Before you could handle yourself, your eyes were darting across the room. Joshua was still talking to Thea, an awkward look on his face as he smiled and nodded again, his eyes drifting towards you.

"Ah, don't worry about that," Vernon told you, probably reading the very evident confusion on your face. His sweet brown eyes were inconspicuously looking over at the scene you just ran away from and then he looked back at you.

"I'm not worried," you were quick to put in a smile. "I'm just not big on socializing, that's all."

"Yeah, I get that," he drew in a breath and nodded. "I get your case I mean. It gets tiring."

"Why are you still here? Don't you prefer to be resting back at the hotel?" you inquired, arching an eyebrow.

"The other guys want to go grab some drinks after the show is over," he shrugged. "I don't want to pass that up."

You nodded slowly, pretending to drink from your water bottle to dart another look. You were feeling more controlled now that you had taken a step back from the situation.

Your phone buzzed in your hand, making you look at the screen.

[10:29 PM] Jeongjeong: how did it go? 👀

That drew a smile on your face nearly instantly, you could imagine the curious look on his face as he typed.

[10:29 PM] you: it's going great. [10:29 PM] Jeongjeong: oof. [10:29 PM] Jeongjeong: do tell [10:29 PM] you: I'm sitting in the waiting room while he's talking to someone right now. [10:29 PM] Jeongjeong: this mf 🙄 i'm calling rn you hold on.

You answered his call upon the first ring.

"Yes?"

"Oh, grandma, it's so nice to hear you," Jeonghan cooed and then laughed.

"Shut up," you hissed, rolling your eyes.

"Get off your ass and walk out, pretend you can't hear me," he instructed.

You paused. "What, why?" you mumbled and darted a look to your boyfriend, who was still deep in conversation with his friend.

"Just do it, grandma," he scoffed and then gave you a deep chuckle.

"Okay, okay," you conceded, getting up from the black couch and walking towards the door you came from. You laughed at yourself when you even put up the act of being unable to hear the other end of the call, by covering your other ear.

"Are you out of his sight yet?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'm in a hallway now," you frowned when a realization dawned on you: "You are a bad influence."

"And you are a pain in my ass. Surprising your stupid boyfriend cost me money, I'm not letting it go to waste," he retorted immediately. "Was he talking to a girl?"

"How did you know?"

"You wouldn't be upset otherwise," he replied with ease. "Now, let's just wait until he takes the bait."

"And then what?" you asked, looking back to the door, to see that it was clear.

"Um, I dunno, lie," you could almost picture him shrugging off.

"I can't just lie to him, Jeonghan," you muttered.

"Well, tell him it was me," he said reluctantly. "Just don't tell him why I called."

"That's called lying by omission," you quipped with a tone of obviousness.

"I know, Einstein," he huffed. "Who do you think you're talking to?"

"The biggest asshole I know."

"Huh," he chuckled. "If you weren't my best friend's girl I'd think you're flirting with me right now."

"Can't you come up with a more original response?" you quipped back. "I know you're trying to keep me talking, Han, but that's not going to work."

"Well, you're not helping either. You're awful at pretending," Jeonghan said calmly.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Is Shua there yet?"

"Answer my question!" you demanded.

"Baby? What's going on?" Joshua called from the other end of the hallway, your stomach dropped and you turned to see your boyfriend approaching you, a worried frown on his face.

"Okay, mission accomplished. Say bye to me and hang up," he directed quietly.

"I gotta go, b-bye," you muttered awkwardly, putting your phone in your back pocket.

Joshua arched his pierced eyebrow. "Everything okay?" he asked, his tone laced with a bit of confusion.

"Yeah, everything is fine," you mumbled with a shrug.

"Who were you talking to?" he asked, his tone coated with ease now and he motioned a hand at you.

You grabbed his hand and started walking beside him back to the waiting room. "Uh, no one," you responded in a faux nonchalant manner.

He stopped abruptly. "Baby," he said firmly, reading your eyes desperately.

"It's nothing, Josh," you gave him an empty smile and to emphasize it, you added a shrug.

Joshua appeared to be pondering over your words for a second. You saw that he still had traces of sweat trickling down the base of his head and onto his neck. You bit down your lower lip.

Your boyfriend straightened when two people passed by, patting him on his shoulder with a, "Nice gig," mentioned. He nodded and pressed his lips in a smile.

"Okay, let's go," he hissed, pulling your hand down the hallway, but turning to a door right before the waiting room. It had a sign that read STOREROOM and pushed the door open, dragging you inside the cramped closet.

It mostly was occupied by guitar cases, mic stands and amp cases. But Joshua found an empty wall where he could corner you, his hands pushing you by the waist until you bumped against the wall.

"Josh," you grabbed one of his wrists when it came up to clench the curve of your waist, his darkened gaze roaming all over your face.

"What's the matter with you, baby?" he asked, a honeyed purr as he leaned closer, the tip of his nose pushing against your own.

"What do you mean?" you breathed anxiously.

Joshua hummed softly as his lips met yours briefly, grazingly. "You walked away from me," he mumbled. "And now you don't want to tell me who you were talking to."

Oh, crap. Should you tell him it was Jeonghan on the phone? His best friend?

"Baby, there's nothing to worry about," you replied, a hand sliding from his shoulder and onto the side of his chest, feeling the buttons of his shirt. "Besides, you were busy talking with your friends. I didn't want to interrupt."

The corner of his mouth raised slightly. "Don't baby me," he growled, pushing your head back by pressing his forehead against yours. "Who were you talking to?"

"No one," you breathed.

"Mmn, right," he purred. "So you were just pretending? To see if I came running, looking for you?"

"Mmmaybe," you cooed, shuddering slightly when you felt his breath caress your lips.

"D'you like to do that?" he gave you a shallow kiss, his lips barely capturing yours.

"Yeah," you mewled, grabbing his face with both hands to kiss him deeply. "I missed you, Josh. Did you miss me?"

"You know I did," he growled, pressing more kisses on your lips. "Like crazy."

"Will you show me, baby?" you mumbled, your voice sounded almost alien to you, a whiny and breathy tone.

"Right here?" he frowned, almost as if he couldn't believe your sudden change in behavior.

"Right here," you nodded.

"Anyone could hear us baby, are you sure?" he inquired, not really looking for an answer, it seemed like he was just taunting you.

"I want this... or do you have something better to do?" you cocked your head to one side looking at him innocently. "Do you still have to tend to your fans?"

Joshua let out a chuckle into your mouth, his hand cupping your cheek as he planted more kisses on your face. "Brat," he whispered before his lips dipped into yours.

Suddenly, your anger and jealousy dissipated, almost as if all you needed were his lips on yours, moving seamlessly, just as all the nights you shared together.

"Are you still on the pill, baby?" he muttered when his hands slid from your waist down to the button of your jeans, undoing it with a sharp tug.

"Yeah," you frowned. "Obviously."

"Mn, why is that obvious?" he inquired, his lips moving to leave a trail of kisses to cheek to the shell of your ear.

"I wanted to be ready for you," you replied in a sing-song pitch.

"Mmn, well that's too bad," his hands dragged your jeans down.

"Why?" you breathed, feeling your brow furrow even deeper.

"I was hoping you weren't," he replied with a smirk. "So I can put a baby in you," he said, just as he kneeled before you.

"Joshua!" you chastised, his smirk turning into a wide cheeky smile.

"Baby," he replied with a small giggle, hooking his fingers on the band of your thong and pulling it down too, so that he could press kisses on your mound, closing his eyes to you before he pulled out his tongue and leave open mouthed kisses on your cunt.

"Mnf," you grabbed the back of his head as he continued to make out with your mound, his hands dragging down your jeans some more, blindly helping you to bring out a leg from your pants.

His tongue slipped between your folds, making a smacking sound with his mouth when he retreated slightly, bringing his pointer and middle finger to part the lips of your pussy to slowly push his tongue against your clit.

You held him by a fistful of dark hair, angling your hips forward so he could have more access with his mouth on your pussy. "Oh, Josh," you moaned with a high pitched tone.

"Do you want me to fuck you right here, baby?" he muttered, lifting his big doe eyes to your own.

Your whole body went ablaze and you instantly nodded without much thought put into it. "Yeah," you breathed out.

Joshua stood up, grabbing your face to angle it for his feathery kisses. "Do you want everyone to know you're mine?"

"Yes," you whispered. "God, yes, Josh."

You automatically searched for his belt, without toying or teasing you loosened it, to then unclasp and unzip his pants. A small chuckle came out of you when you had to untuck the white button up to get to his black boxers.

"I missed you, baby," you mewled, darting a look from the bulge beneath his boxers to his dark eyes.

Joshua let out a soft sigh, his eyes fluttering close when your hand pressed on his clothed hard on. "Missed you too," his voice was barely above a whisper. "You have no idea, bunny."

You pouted at him. "Then why won't you pay attention to me," you whined, your act suddenly broken by a shy smile.

He moved your body on top of a sound amplifier case, the height was just perfect enough for you to sit in, which you did, being forced by his hands searching your thighs to angle you for his body.

"I'm working, baby," he replied shortly, pulling out his hard cock from his briefs, guiding it to your core. "And I told you to wait."

Your hands slid beneath his white button up, gripping his sides tightly as he sank on you in one go. "Umf," you bit down your lip to avoid making more noise.

"Fuck," he whispered, dropping his forehead on yours. "Okay?"

You nodded slightly. "Okay," you breathed, your hands sliding down to his hips to push his boxers down further. "Move, please, Joshua."

He groaned before complying, pushing his hips on you shallowly at first. "God, baby. You're so fucking tight."

You swallowed back a moan, grabbing on his shirt with your fists to search for the buttons blindly, your eyes trained on his.

"Do you want me to put a baby in you, sweetheart?" he asked, not letting go of your sudden confession.

A moan coiled in your throat, making you close your eyes, as his thrusts hit deeply inside you. "Yeah," you mewled, undoing one button at a time. "Want everything with you."

"Mmn," Joshua hummed, pushing his forehead against yours, grazing his lips with yours as he whispered: "Get off the pill."

Your body acted naturally, your legs parting wider for his thrusts, his cock reaching deeper inside you, making you moan lewdly.

"You're not serious," you whispered, parting his white shirt wide to uncover his torso for your view.

"I am," he gasped in your mouth. "I wouldn't joke with this."

"Baby steps, Joshua," you whispered shakily.

"I love you," he responded frantically, grabbing your hips to hold you in place as his thrusts changed in pace, moving faster and deeper against you.

"I love you too," you echoed.

The moan that escaped your mouth reverberated across the small closet, making you gasp and hold onto his shoulders to let him chase his high, his cock ramming inside your walls.

You knew it had to be a quick fuck, so you didn't care if you reached your climax, you were content with the pleasure you got from his cock sliding in and out of you, the faces he made, the soft gasps that left him as he did so.

You leaned back just a bit, angling your cunt for him to fuck open. A lewd whimper bubbled in your chest when he hit a glorious spot inside you, making the features of his face scrunch to muffle a moan.

"Shh," he hissed. "Quiet, baby."

You nodded aloofly, your hands pushing the white button up from his shoulders to uncover more of his beautiful skin to ruin. You first attached your mouth to his, giving him a hungry kiss before dipping your head down on the crook of his neck.

"Fuck," he whispered when you suckled on the sensitive spot of his neck, moving your mouth with a trail of open kisses until you reached his throat.

You sucked on his skin at the base of his throat, delighting on the careless moans that started to leave his mouth now. He didn't relent on the movement of his hips, fucking you with the same deep and controlled pace.

You gritted your teeth, muffling a whimper when the tip of his cock reached a point that made your muscles tighten in response as pleasure took over your body.

"Josh," you mewled, trying to hold onto him, to hold onto reality but your mind was slipping into nothingness, all focus was now on his cock ramming inside you with a deliriously good pace.

"Open your mouth," he growled, and nodded when you gave him a confused look. "Come on."

Before you could do what he asked, his hand came up to your face, using two fingers to open your mouth wide for him. You thought that he would just stick his fingers in your mouth to shut you up. But instead, you watched his lips purse slightly as he spat in your mouth, a low whimper bubbling in your chest.

"Shhh," he smiled menacingly. "Swallow."

You swallowed his spit obediently, closing your mouth but his hand was there to force it open again.

"I didn't tell you to close it again," he purred quietly, sticking his fingers between your lips as he continued to push his cock inside your walls. "Misbehave again and I'll just fuck your mouth, bunny."

Your brows furrowed, and you made a pleading sound.

"You don't want that, right?" he nodded at you and smiled when you pulled your tongue for him to land his spit in before saying: "Good girl."

His spit started to drip down your tongue along with your own drool, beginning to slide down your chin.

"Swallow," he instructed with a low tone and you closed your mouth to do so. "You want my cum inside your pretty cunt, don't you baby?"

You moved your head up and down in sharp nods, a low whimpering moan coming out of you at the sound of that.

"I'm gonna make you a mommy," he gasped, picking up a pace to his thrusts, hitting you deeper, harder.

"Joshua," you gasped, resting your forehead on his shoulder, his button up hanging languidly on his biceps now. "Yes, Josh, please."

His hand shifted from the curve of your waist to the back of your head, while the other just encircled your body so his arm was wrapped around you firmly.

"Fuck, I'm cumming," he groaned when you started sucking love bites below his collarbones. "Are you gonna take it all? So I can put a baby in you?"

You mewled a sound in confirmation, moving your head to face him. "Yeah," you breathed. "Come inside me, Joshua, please."

He sealed his mouth against yours, his thrusts slowing down, languidly fucking his cum inside you with a muffled moan as he kissed you, passionately, breathing erratically with you.

"I love you, baby," he whispered sweetly once he stopped, breathless.

"I love you too, Joshua," you replied in the same manner.

He smiled lazily, his hand moving from the back of your head to cup your cheek. "Let's go to the hotel room. I want to make you feel good too, baby."

You nodded. "Okay."

"Okay," he replied dazedly, his thumb rubbing back and forth on your cheek.

"Are you going to head out first?" you asked innocently, legs beginning to tremble at his sides.

You felt his brow furrow. "No," he mumbled. "You want me to do that?"

"You don't care if we're seen coming out like this?"

"Baby, they probably heard us fucking just now," he gave you a hollow chuckle.

A shock of emotions coursed through you, caused by the odd fixation you had by him fucking you in public spaces. It felt exciting, almost shameful, and so very lewd.

"This is very rockstar of you," you laughed shakily.

"You think so?" he gasped tiredly, pushing his eyebrows up.

You were suddenly struck with the overwhelming beauty of his face. His big brown eyes as he also seemed to be lost in the features of your own face.

"Yeah," you whispered with a shy smile.

"Do you like it, sweetheart?" he purred, leaning down to press small kisses in your lower lip.

"You know I do," you breathed. "I like it when you take me anywhere you can."

He smiled softly, you felt his lips stretch as he did so. "Mmn, I might've turned you into a little sex monster."

You laughed out loud, the sound making your boyfriend's smile wider and brighter.

"Lean back baby, I'm pulling out."

You pushed your hands on the amp case, leaning back as he pulled his cock out of you. A shudder shook you when you caught a glimpse of his wet shaft as his hand tucked it back into his black briefs and fixed his pants.

"Don't move," he whispered, kneeling again so he could gather your panties and hook them around your ankle, dragging them up.

You lifted your hips slightly, looking at the focus written in his face as he helped you get dressed. You reached out to arrange his white shirt again, smiling deviously when you didn't button all the way up, leaving his chest uncovered.

Joshua smiled too when he noticed that you had purposefully left his chest uncovered for everyone to see the red love bites you had planted in his skin, between his collarbones, on his throat and between his pecs.

"Let's go," he said, extending a hand out to you.

Joshua led you back into the waiting room, only to tell the other guys that he was returning to the hotel and that he was spending the night with you instead of going out to get drinks.

You noticed the looks you got from different faces, the small smiles and hushed noises they made as you walked out of the room hand in hand with Joshua.

There was a certain feeling you got from the looks—you knew that the fact that Joshua had just fucked you in a storeroom caused a mixture of shame and excitedness in you. But there was something more, the rush you felt because the looks meant that they knew what you did.

The original issue for your jealousy was a long distant thought now. It seemed almost amusing that you didn't care anymore about the reason why you felt jealous.

It wasn't until you saw her again. Thea was looking your boyfriend's way, the moment causing you no emotion at all now. You couldn't read what you saw in her eyes, and you found it alarming that you didn't care at all.

But then you felt his cum dripping out of you, pooling in your panties. Embarrassment warmed your face, feeling it strum in your eardrums as you tried to hide your face, your fingers wrapped around his hand tightening in a knowing gesture.

Joshua turned his head and gave you a brief look. "I know," he muttered. "Let's get out of here, baby."

He interlocked his fingers with yours, leading you down the long hallway and turned down a darker one, at the end you saw the EXIT sign lit in red neon light. It felt as if you and Joshua were walking away from the booming music, leaving it behind on the stage and escaping into the night.

"The hotel where I'm staying is just down the street," Joshua said, pointing with his thumb over his shoulder. "Do you mind walking?"

You smiled and started walking the way he pointed you to, pulling on his arm.

"Do you want me to carry this for you?" he asked sweetly, tugging the strap of your pretty tote bag from your shoulder and you allowed him to carry it on his shoulder.

"Thank you baby," you smiled at the look of your boyfriend carrying your bag for you.

"So," he sighed, a tired smile on his face as he looked down to find your face. "Do you want kids?"

A surge of heat flooded your entire body, sizzling underneath your skin. You casted a look at the night sky. "Having kids is something I definitely haven't planned for, honestly," you frowned with some thought. "So honestly, I don't know. Why?"

You found his eyes again, his gaze had softened and he pouted at you cutely as he hummed, also in a thoughtful way. "You seemed a little eager," he shrugged.

As you rolled your eyes, a shy smile twitched at the corners of your lips as you asked: "And you?"

"Yeah, I'd like to. Some day."

You stopped walking for a moment, making him stop. "Baby, you don't think we're going a little too fast?"

The corners of his mouth raised a little. "You don't think we need to talk about this?" he retorted.

"Of course," you blinked, your stomach twisting when you saw the cute smile crowning his mouth.

"Let's get to the room first then," he muttered softly, running the back of his finger across your cheek.

When you got to the hotel, Joshua told you to wait in the nice waiting area arranged in the lobby and you watched him approach the counter, drawing the gaze from the front lady.

Propping an elbow in the counter, he leaned slightly forward, giving the lady a polite smile as he prompted a conversation which you weren't within earshot to catch. But you saw your boyfriend look in your direction, smiling softly at the front desk lady and your stomach sank slightly when the lady smiled at you and then to him.

You watched the interaction from afar, wondering what was the cause for those looks both Joshua and the lady sent you until he nodded, smiling brightly at her and you were witness to the power that smile held, because the woman behind the counter looked speechless for a second.

He pushed himself off the counter, tapping once with his hand and then turned to you, a cheeky grin on his face and then he sat down next to you.

"What was all that?" you asked curiously.

"I had to arrange for a room for us," he muttered close to you and grabbed your hand, interlocking his fingers with yours and placing the laced hands on his lap. "And kind Claire there is going to help us with that. Now we have to wait for a bit, baby."

The woman named Claire seemed to perk up at the sound of Joshua mentioning her name. She smiled politely and resumed working on the monitor in front of her.

You sighed and leaned your head against his shoulder, feeling his warmth and catching the scent of his cologne, the freshness of it, the smell of his skin, all mixed up. It made you feel something deep in your being, like being punched in the gut with the realization that you are way into deep now.

"You're tired baby," Joshua said softly when he heard you sigh and took the hand he was already holding to kiss each of your knuckles. "We shower and then we go to bed, does that sound alright?"

From the corner of your eye you caught the sight of the lady smiling at you and Joshua, it was a somewhat sweet smile, as if endearing.

"Don't we need to talk about something, babe?" you answered, lifting your head to meet his sweet brown eyes.

He blinked, as if pushing the matter away. "It can wait," he muttered, bringing a hand to cup your chin. "We can talk about it tomorrow, if you'd like."

"Mr. and Ms. Hong," a polite male voice called, approaching you from the other end of the lobby. "Your room is ready for you."

"Thank you," Joshua replied, getting up from the couch and tugging your arm softly.

Your stomach twisted upon suspecting what had happened at the front desk and you eyed your boyfriend, curiosity in your eyes which he tried to ease by giving you a gentle squeeze to your hand.

You entered the elevator and stood near Joshua, who was humming to a song as he toyed with the keycard to the room. It was a song you didn't know, and you started guessing that it was what Midnight Haze was working at the moment.

"This might be fancier than I expected," Joshua muttered under his breath when you both reached the floor and walked down the hall to a double door. He checked the keycard again with a question written on his face and slided it on the sensor.

"Joshua, what did you tell the lady?" you inquired when he opened the doors to the recently cleaned hotel room.

"Just the truth," he hummed as he closed the door, he read the disbelief in your gaze and he coughed. "I just told her that you came here to surprise me and I needed a bigger room, and... told her that my beautiful wife needed some rest after her long flight, that's all."

Your entire body beamed with ecstasy and adoration. It seemed endearing to you the way Joshua used the word wife to refer to you. He loved it, almost as if it were real.

The room was large, the first thing you saw on entering was the small round table, surrounded by a couple of chairs, followed by a living room, a fake fireplace wall served as a divider to the bedroom, where you could catch a glimpse of the large king-size bed.

The living room was framed by large floor-to-ceiling windows, the curtains were drawn and you could see that there was a balcony overlooking the city skyline.

"I have to go down to get my suitcases and I'll be back," Joshua informed you and left after you nodded in confirmation. You took this time to hop in the shower, the warm water washing the alertness from you and when you came out, you were feeling ready for bed.

You wrapped your body in one of the bathrobes and walked out of the bathroom. The bed looked so inviting that you couldn't resist but to lie in it, curling yourself into a ball and you fought it at first but sleep took you in quickly.

That was until you felt a pair of strong arms lifting you gently and tucking you underneath the heavy covers. Joshua's hard and warm body huddled with yours from behind, burying his nose in your hair to breathe in slowly.

"I missed you so much," he whispered. You realized, as you came out of your slumber that he said this thinking you wouldn't hear.

But you grabbed his hand, squeezing it softly before you turned to face him. "I missed you too," you muttered sweetly at him.

"Did I wake you up?" he whispered, pushing your hair from your face with his hand. "Sorry."

"Don't worry about it," you breathed, bringing a hand to his nape, feeling his long hair, wet from the shower he just took. Joshua blinked slowly, keeping his eyes focused on your face. "Come here."

You used the hand that was already on his nape to bring him for your lips slipping between his as he reciprocated the slow, tender kiss. He moaned in your mouth when your tongue lapped on his lower lip.

Next thing you knew, he was pushing you on your back, pinning you against the soft mattress with his semi-naked body. Your hands immediately attached to his sides, feeling the hard muscles of his lats tense up under your touch.

The kiss deepened, urgency setting in, and now you were the one moaning when his lips littered your jawline with kisses and down your throat. Wide awake now, you felt his fingers search for the knot of your robe, tugging at it lose for him to have access to your naked body.

"Baby," he growled in your mouth, when your fingers hooked in the band of his boxers, the tip of his nose nudged against yours, his hot breath caressing your lips.

"Take me, Joshua," you mewled, pushing the black stretchy fabric down to find his cock with your hand, gently pumping him as you felt it harden on your grasp.

"Let me make love to you, baby," he whispered softly, pinching your chin with his thumb and pointer finger. You nodded and his lips stretched into a smile.

The rest of the night was something you only thought possible within your dreams. Joshua kept his body pressed on yours as he made love to you, rolling his hips slowly against yours, kissing you until he had to gasp for air, his touch so gentle you swallowed back sobs.

His face contorted slightly when he saw your eyelashes wet in tears, but he kept repeating, over and over, that he loved you. He wanted to be yours forever, he wanted you as his wife—he didn't care how soon it was for him to say it.

You fell asleep afterwards, your body laced with his, subconsciously looking for him if either of you drifted apart on the bed. You could feel soft kisses pressed on your shoulder and on your hair. Almost as if even in his sleep he couldn't keep his hands and lips to himself.

The next morning, you woke up to Joshua planting a kiss on your forehead, then the smell of his fresh cologne dragged you out of slumber in a second. "Where are you going?" you muttered.

Joshua was just walking to the door when he heard your voice. "I have a recording session today," he sat down on the bed, grabbing your hand to kiss your knuckles. "We can do something tonight. Go on a date. Would you like that, baby?"

"Yeah," you whispered, still drowsy from the long night. "I'd love that."

Joshua smiled fondly at you, leaning close to you and left a feathery kiss on your lips. "A date it is, then," he whispered before getting up and leaving the room.

So instead of going out on a date, you arranged with the hotel staff to bring a tablecloth, cutlery and wine glasses, and went out to buy candles and a bottle of wine. You set the table with candles and checked the hotel menu for something to order.

But time passed and you waited, sitting all pretty in a dressing gown, hiding the set you had bought for the occasion; which had to be changed into a large T-shirt of Joshua's when he failed to come back at the time he said he would. No phone call, no text to explain himself.

You drank a glass of wine alone and felt miserable again. Blowing out the candles, you went to lie on the big bed and decided to go to sleep. That was until you heard the faint beeping of the door, followed by noises from the living room that made you jump out of bed.

The faux marble tiles were freezing cold under your bare feet as you made your way to the small living room. You had been woken up from a very light sleep in the middle of the night when you heard the soft beeping of the door to your hotel room.

The lonely lamp in one corner of the room had been turned on, so now the room was provided by a soft orange glow on the man sprawled on the black sofa, his legs spread wide apart.

Your boyfriend had his head tilted back, an arm on the headrest, the other over his torso, between his legs there was a short glass of whiskey held by his long fingers. He didn't notice you coming in, and you assumed that he was so tired that he might be falling asleep already.

Walking silently up to him and once you were standing between his knees, you noticed his eyes were open and he was staring mindlessly at the ceiling.

"Hi, baby," he croaked with a low raspy voice as he leaned forward to take a generous gulp of whiskey and set it aside on the coffee table.

"You could've called," you reproached not a second later.

You heard him sigh. "I know. I'm sorry, bunny," he replied, avoiding your eyes. But then a sigh bubbled in his chest when he caught sight of the half empty wine bottle on the small round table, and the lonely glass of wine beside it.

"You're not invited for my next late night dinner," you told him, driving his gaze from the wasted candles on the table to your eyes, you pouted cutely at him, letting him know that you were joking.

"Baby, I'm sorry," he blinked and looking up to lock eyes with you made his look bigger, glinting on the glow of the lamp.

Then he grabbed your hand that was dangling at your side and took it to his lips, kissing your knuckles lightly.

Now that he was looking at you, taking your whole frame in, he noticed you sported one of his clean t-shirts. It didn't fit you properly, obviously, since it was a few sizes too big even for his own body. So the length covered up to your mid thigh and the sleeves reached your elbows.

"Were you sleeping before I got here, sweetheart?" he inquired with a soft tone.

"I was snoozing for a bit. Waiting for you, actually," you muttered back just as he tugged the hand he was still holding, pulling you forward.

You understood what he wanted, so you pressed one knee on the couch just beside him, and then the other to sit on top of him on his lap. His hands circled your waist, giving you a firm squeeze.

"Please forgive me, baby," he insisted for a third time.

The dim lighting of the hotel suite let you appreciate the beautiful features of his face, his big brown eyes, his plump lips, the eyebrows that knitted ever so slightly when you didn't come up with a response.

"I know work is important, babe," you replied slowly. "But at least let me know when our plans change. Deal? Texting me takes you twenty seconds."

You said this while one of your hands started brushing his soft dark hair away from his eyes. You did this almost absentmindedly, as if your hands had a mind on its own. Joshua blinked a few times, but his eyes didn't deter away from your face.

You could tell that he loved it when you reprimanded him like this, the seriousness you would take, but still delivering your sentences with a gentle tone.

"I forgive you. But next time I won't be too forgiving," you told him, smiling playfully.

"Thank you, baby," he smiled too. But it was a small smile, trying to mask the tiredness on his eyes.

But before you could say something more, your boyfriend pressed his lips against yours. Softly at first, almost apologetically. As if trying to test you for any pause or reluctance before his lips dipped between yours.

You tasted the whisky on his tongue once it slipped inside your mouth, his hands flatly placed on your thighs, his fingers digging on your skin.

The black and white plaid shirt he wore felt soft under your skin as you slid your forearms over his shoulders to lace your hands behind his nape.

The rough pads of his fingers grazed your thighs then he moved his hands to your lower back, pushing you forward to make you sit on him fully.

"Josh," you whispered with an unspoken question lingering in your lips, pulling apart from his face to take a good look at him.

The tiredness lingered in the features of his face, but the glint on his eye had taken a darkness to it, a certain hunger you knew too well about him.

"I like how you look with my stuff on," he muttered, it sounded like a breathy growl, almost like the way he sounded in the mornings when he woke up.

"Mm, yeah?" you whispered, tilting your head to one side as your fingers started toying with the hair on the back of his head. "Would you like to see me without it?"

His tongue pushed on his lower lip slowly as he nodded with his head. "Yeah," his voice was now below a murmur. "I'd love that, baby."

You smiled at the sound of that. His hands grabbed the baggy t-shirt on his fists and lifted it up as you also raised your arms for him to take it off you and threw it on the side, leaving you with your boyshort panties only.

"Mm," he hummed happily as he dipped his head to kiss you, a hand sliding on the side of your neck while the other traveled from your thigh to the small of your back.

Then your fingers moved to get the buttons of his plaid shirt, undoing each quite hastily.

"Slow down, baby," he growled into your mouth.

"No," you mumbled back.

"Why are you rushing? We have all night."

"You stood me up," you sulked slightly, even if you had forgiven him, you wouldn't let him off the hook just yet. "Let me have this."

That made Joshua smile, letting you have your fun undoing the buttons of his black and white plaid shirt, which was not buttoned all the way to the neck, only halfway because he wore a black long-sleeve underneath.

Once the shirt was off his shoulders, your hands cupped his face fully, palms pressed to his cheeks as you kissed him with hunger. A small laugh was muffled in your mouth when your hands moved onto his black t-shirt, probably laughing at your impatience.

"You're so hot," you breathed, not caring how needy you sounded. A sigh left your lips, running your hands over his lean chest, over the angry red hickeys you made the night prior in the middle of the storeroom quickie.

His hand captured your chin, caressing your soft skin with his calloused fingertips. The sensation made you shudder a bit.

"C'mere," he motioned you over to kiss you fervently, making you moan in his mouth when his hands roamed all over your body and stopping to cup your butt, pushing you slowly so you could grind on his crotch.

You held onto the headrest with your hands just before you could push your clothed pussy on the growing bulge in his jeans, moving your hips so that your clit was angled to the rough fabric of his clothing.

With a soft moan that landed on his lips, you sneaked a look down his body, his naked torso, the hickeys on his chest, the messy look on his hair, the lust-lidded eyes when you looked back at his face.

"Bunny," he muttered in your mouth, patting the side of your thigh softly. "Get up."

Before you could stop yourself, you obeyed all too willfully, removing yourself from his lap. His hands were immediately working on removing your panties, sliding them down your legs and you stepped out of them when they fell to your ankles.

His hands were seizing you by your hips just when you started to move onto his lap again. "Stay still, baby," he instructed, leaning his head to litter kisses across your tummy.

"Josh. No teasing," you urged when you felt his tongue brush on the spot below your belly button, your hands cupped the back of his head, following his trail down to your mound.

"Shh, don't get bratty now," he said, his voice honeying over the warning.

"Bratty?" you repeated, trying not to squirm on his grasp when his lips kissed the lowest point of your mound, your sensitive skin reacting with his delicate touch.

"You heard that right," he bit back softly against your skin.

"You stood me up," you whined, your fingers curling on his soft black hair when you felt his teeth grazing your sensitive skin. "I'm not being bratty," you put emphasis over the last word, mocking it.

"I thought you had forgiven me, baby," he lifted his head from the apex of your thighs, raising his pierced eyebrow at you.

You brushed his bangs from his forehead. "That doesn't mean my feelings aren't hurt."

He smiled slowly, totally telling on your intentions. "What do I have to do to get your complete forgiveness?"

You rolled your eyes at his dramatic intonation. "Just don't do it again," you muttered and then nodded back. "Keep going, Josh."

One hand slid down from your waist to caress your leg, you could feel the worn pads of his fingers from playing guitar the whole day.

"Mm," he hummed thoughtfully, his eyes following your face down to your whole body. "Where is this attitude coming from? You've been really bratty since last night."

You saw the glint in his eye again, he was amused by your small tantrum. It was clear to both of you that the reason didn't stem from being stood up by him. There was more.

You shook your head. "'s nothing," you mumbled.

"After this, will you tell me?" he asked and you could tell he wasn't playing anymore.

"Yeah. I will, Josh," you reassured with a small smile.

His eyes read your face with a glint of adoration in them that made your stomach twist, he blinked slowly at you, releasing a short sigh. "I need you so bad, baby," he muttered and leaned in again to kiss your tummy.

"Did you have a bad recording session?" you finally caught on.

Joshua immediately groaned, but softly, making you feel his breath brushing against your lower tummy. "I don't wanna talk about it right now," he muttered. "But yeah. It didn't come out as I expected."

The pad of your thumb brushed over the pierced eyebrow, making his eyelids flutter a bit. "Are you upset about it?"

His hand shifted on your waist just slightly. "No, baby," he frowned, he sucked in a breath through his teeth. "Well, only at myself."

"Would you… like to take it out on me?" your voice dropped to a whisper.

Rare were the times when you mustered such boldness. But ever since your bond with Joshua started to get stronger, the innate shyness revolving around intimate things had started to fade.

"No, bunny," he mumbled, discarding the idea by nodding his head to the side.

"I mean it," you insisted, now tugging at his earlobe with your fingers, toying a little with the piercings on the shell of his ear. "I want it."

Joshua licked his lips briefly, contemplating your proposition again with a calmed darkness in his doe eyes. "Are you sure, baby?"

"I wouldn't be asking if I wasn't."

He read you just a moment before he closed his eyes, leaning his face forward to press his lips in your bare tummy once again. "You know what to do, right?"

Your hand went back to cup the back of his head. "Yes," you whispered, referring to using your safeword whenever necessary.

"That's my girl," he growled softly against your skin, his hot breath making you shudder.

"Mm-mmph," you hummed briefly, letting yourself close your eyes as your boyfriend's grip on your hips tightened a bit.

Joshua hummed after you, leaving a trail of kisses down from your belly button to your mound again, as if that was all he wanted before you interrupted.

"My sweet girl," he whispered almost lovingly against your skin.

He motioned your leg over, making you step on the black couch. Now your leg was angled perfectly for him to dip his head in, pushing his tongue flush in between your pussy lips, as if he were making out with your cunt sloppily, noisily.

"Joshua," you moaned, your fingers tangling on his long hair and holding onto his locks.

He only gave you a low hum in response, shoving his tongue against your clit, teasing it with open kisses. His grip tightened when you squirmed, his fingers digging into your muscle, the hand was located on your hip circled back to cup your butt while the other kept your leg angled open for him.

"God, Josh!" you squealed when he grazed your clit with his teeth gently, but the sensation was overwhelming.

"Hm?" he raised his eyes to match yours, shifting to litter your mound with kisses.

"Too much," you mumbled sheepishly.

"Is it bad?" he asked with a hint of concern.

You shook your head slowly, feeling a rush of warmth tingling on your cheeks.

"If it feels good don't stop me," he replied gruffly, arching his eyebrow at you. "I thought you knew this already, baby."

"Yeah. Sorry," you breathed.

The palm that was firmly placed on your butt lifted only to give you a gentle pat. "Get on all fours, bunny," he muttered and nodded to the chaise longue close to the wide windows that led to the balcony.

As you propped up your knees on the black velvet chaise, you looked up to find your reflection painted on the glass window, a thought crossed your mind—your boyfriend was being soft with you. Granted, he had admitted already that he's into harder stuff than what he has done with you. But this was, to say the least, upsetting.

"Are you holding back?" you asked as soon as you lowered your hands on the cushions.

"No, I'm not," he replied simply, making you cast a look at the man that was still wearing his jeans, torso in full display.

His hair was so long now that his bangs reached the dark circles under his eyes, shadowing his beautiful doe eyes.

"I think you are," you teased, turning to the reflection on the glass now smiling to yourself. "Don't hold back, Josh. I'm not going to break."

The metallic sound of the buckle of his belt made you turn your head to see your boyfriend again. Joshua rolled his eyes and shook his head slightly, he didn't seem annoyed, but the flat tone on his next words made you rethink.

"Stand up straight, wrists on your back."

You had a good view of what happened behind you as you stood back onto your knees, placing your wrists on your back as your boyfriend closed in on you, biting his lower lip as he looped his belt around your wrists.

A low grunt coiled in his throat when he tightened the belt on your wrists, puncturing another hole in it to avoid it unbuckling. He gave it a harsh tug before his eyes zeroed on your face through the reflection on the glass door.

You saw him lean in, so that his lips brushed against the shell of your ear. "Will you be good for me, bunny?"

"Yeah," you whispered shakily, anticipating what Joshua would do next.

"Now bend over," he instructed after he kissed your ear softly.

"But–"

"Don't worry, I got you," he tightened his grip on your bound wrists. "Bend over."

You gulped hard, releasing a nervous sigh before you bent over, steady at first until your face was some eight inches from the seat, not falling onto your nose all due to your boyfriend helping you ease the side of your face against the velvet cushion of the seat.

"I wanted to take my time with you tonight," you heard him sigh in disapproval. "But you had to be so impatient."

"It's not my fault," you whispered. "You haven't been here and I just wanted to—fuck!" you yelped and almost stumbled when his hand came down to spank your ass suddenly.

"I didn't say you could talk back," he ran his hand over the tingling area, cooing softly: "Talking back, throwing tantrums at me. You know what happens when you misbehave. Right, bunny?"

You closed your eyes and nodded. "Yes," you replied.

His hands grabbed you by the hips. "Open your legs," he said softly and you carried out his instruction, widening your stance, gaining more stability to avoid tumbling on the chaise.

Now you were quite completely submitted to him. Your fingers tightened on the leather material of his belt, your wrists with little to no space to budge on the makeshift bondage. Ass up, knees wide apart, face pressed to the seat of the velvet chaise.

"You look so good like this, bunny," you heard him mutter behind you, his hand caressing your lower back lightly, beneath your bound hands, making your eyelids flutter under the tingling sensation.

"Do you want to record this?" you replied mutedly, trying to keep it in you how much you liked to be subdued by his control.

"No," you felt the chaise shift under the weight of one of his knees pressing to the edge. "I have a better idea, bunny. If you behave."

You tried to move slightly to get a view of him on the glass door. He had lost the jeans and was now wearing black briefs only. Propping one knee behind you, your boyfriend was looking at your body, as if trying to decide what to do first before he leaned over you, then you saw one hand press beside you.

Then his lips were on the back of your exposed neck, his fingers moving your hair to the side as he littered your back with wet kisses, slowly, you even felt his breath and when he licked his own lips to kiss you again, knowing well that it was a sensitive area for you.

You squirmed slightly, groaning when your skin awoke with a violent shudder.

"Don't move, bunny," he muttered with his honeyed voice, pressing his lips on your shoulder blade. "If you do, I won't release your hands," he conditioned.

You bit your lip before you could scoff at that. Something told you he wasn't in the mood for more of your taunting. "Okay," you breathed, bracing yourself for more of his delicate kisses.

Joshua left a trail of kisses until he reached your hands, it was then that he moved back, grabbing your hips with his hands and you let out a sharp breath when you felt a kiss on one of your buttocks.

You heard him hum softly against your skin, the reflection on the glass showed your boyfriend on one knee on the floor, his hands traveling from your hips down to cup your ass as his lips kissed the sensitive spot beside your cunt.

You screwed your eyes shut when Joshua ran his tongue between your folds, tasting how aroused you were from the situation alone, from his taunting kisses, from his entire demeanor over you.

"Fuck-k," you squeaked out when he groaned against your sopping core, dipping his tongue in, his hands firmly grabbing you as he pushed his wet muscle against your entrance.

But you dare not move, even if you felt like you could. You let out a raw moan against the black velvet as his tongue ran flatly across your folds, giving your cunt broad and generous strokes, not committing to one motion at all, eating you out sloppily.

"Joshua," you moaned, trying to get as much pleasure from the teasing. "Fuck—babe, please," you whimpered pathetically.

He hummed again, the sound interrupted only by the smacking noise coming from his lips giving your cunt open and deep kisses. You realized then that he didn't seek your pleasure out of this, he was only trying to draw out your arousal, to prep you for something else.

"Please," you begged for more, for something you could use to come.

His tongue glided from your clit, up to your entrance drinking your juices before he continued up, ignoring your whimpers, fingertips digging into your flesh as he gave you a soft, slow stroke with his tongue around your hole, leaving a prickling sensation over, so overwhelming you felt your whole body try to tense and to recoil from feeling good.

"Remember what I said," he told you with a low tone, immediately reading your body language.

You gave him a nod, even if you weren't sure he'd see it. If it felt good, there was no need to stop it. So you tried to relax, breathing in as his tongue lapped again around the tender and very sensitive area, making your fingers curl around the belt you were still restrained by, the feeling so arousing like you've never felt before.

The sensation was too much, it felt undeniably good, a wave of sweet pleasure coursing through your whole body. You felt your pussy throb at each lap of his tongue, stroking slowly around your hole, making it go lax ever so slightly.

The room had fallen silent, the only thing you could hear was his low hums against your skin, the wet sound from his mouth every time he gave another lap over your sensitive ridges with his tongue. Even the voice in your mind had died.

He kissed one of your glutes again, moving one hand to tease your hole with the tip of his finger.

"Josh," you moaned weakly, pressing your face onto the seat cushion to wipe the drool from the corner of your mouth.

"You have the prettiest ass," he hummed entrancingly. "Want me to buy you plugs?"

He pushed one finger in, you screwed your eyes shut again and pressed your face plush against the seat to avoid squirming.

"Mm-mmph," you moaned in affirmation loud enough for him to hear.

"You're being so good for me right now," he cooed softly, dragging his finger out slowly. "Almost forgot how bratty you were before this. You like that, bunny?"

"Mm-mmph," you managed to nod again.

"Want me to fuck you like this?" he asked and you moved your head to peak at the reflection.

"Please, Josh," you gasped at the mere thought.

You saw his reflection rise to his feet. "Without prepping you first, baby? You're not even taking my whole thumb right now," he pointed humbly. "Do you think you can take me?"

You paused, feeling his thumb push in and out gently, making you groan again. The mild penetration was enough to make you feel pleasure, you tried to imagine the same thing but instead of his thumb, with his cock and you immediately gulped.

"Mm? I need an answer baby," he pressed, his tone playful, you caught a shadow of a smile through the reflection.

"Just fuck me," you blurted impatiently with a mewling tone. "Please, Joshua. Fuck me."

"Mmm, you think you deserve it?" he titled his head to one side. "I don't think so."

"Please—I'm being good," you gasped when he pushed his thumb deeper.

"I think we can agree that you need more prepping, baby," he tutted, pulling his thumb out, making you gasp at the loss of stimulation.

"I'll do anything, please, just–"

Then you felt his grip on the belt and gave it a small tug. "I'm pulling you up, ready?"

You got up on your knees with his help, the motion almost made you feel lightheaded but came back to your senses rapidly when you felt the belt loose around your wrists. Joshua threw the belt on the floor.

Your wrists were marked around where the belt held you tight, but you paid little heed to it, your hands were now free to tend to the bulge beneath his boxers, which you yanked down all too excitedly.

A shudder tore through your body when you saw his hard cock spring out of his boxers, his pinkish red tip dripping with precum. You instinctively reached out with a hand to touch, but your boyfriend seized it quickly.

"Josh? What are you doing?" you asked when he dragged you to the balcony, sliding the glass door open to welcome in a cold midnight breeze into the hotel suite.

"Do you still want me to fuck you in public? For everyone to know?" he asked, as you both stepped out to the balcony, wholly naked.

Your eyes locked with his briefly and you have him half a nod, a question lingering on the tip of your tongue. But you concluded that this was his intention all along when you first prompted him to record you and he declined.

"Hands on the railing, bunny," he instructed.

You gasped when he pressed the front of his body to your back, his hard cock wedging in your butt as you did what he told you, holding the cold metal railing of the balcony with a big breath.

The city was buzzing with nightlife, as you would expect during a friday night, the hotel was located at the heart of the city too, so you were quite literally facing another big building, you could see each light turning on as another was snuffed simultaneously.

"Nervous, bunny?" he asked in your ear, grabbing your hips and pulling them to his, and you bent over slightly for him, the movement felt almost natural. "I'll take that as a no," he muttered with a chuckle.

All the teasing, stimulating using his mouth and fingers did so that you were aching for more, your body pulsated for more. So when you felt the tip of his cock nudging at your entrance, you almost considered pleading with him to stop teasing you.

But as if reading your mind, he slid inside you in one go to his hilt with a low moan from his part and without any preamble, he started thrusting. He gave you no pause for you to adjust, to take in the sheer size of his cock stuffing you up so good it made you gasp.

"Fuck," you groaned through clenched teeth when his cockhead immediately found that glorious spot inside you.

"Do you like this, baby?" he muttered and you nodded with your head, biting your lower lip to avoid being heard. "Why so quiet now?"

You couldn't think of a good response at that, your mind going blank from the pleasure coursing through your body.

Joshua leaned over you, pressing his chest to your back without relenting on his deep thrusts. "Don't shy away now, baby," he grunted against your shoulder. "Wanna hear those pretty sounds you make for me."

He adjusted himself again pushing one hand against the small of your back, so you were now fully bent for him, tits hanging over the balcony railings, still holding with your hands. Your face burning up when you caught sight of the balconies below you, the cars far down on the street. The vulnerability you felt at that moment urged you to hide, to cover up.

But there was no shying away now, not when your boyfriend read your silence so well.

"Joshua!" you gasped loudly when he started plowing on you, the sound of his front slamming on your butt the only thing filling your ears.

"That's it, baby," you heard him say through a sigh making you turn to cast a look over your shoulder.

His darkened eyes were set on you, on your body bouncing on his hard and deep thrusts. Your boyfriend showed you a fucked out grin when he caught your eye looking over. Blinking slowly, you saw his throat bobbing when he swallowed back a moan. "Fuck, baby, hear that? You're gonna have an audience."

"Fuckfuckfuck," you screwed your eyes shut when you heard voices on the balcony directly below you.

You clamped down a hand on your mouth, trying to muffle your cries of pleasure as your boyfriend continued plowing on you with little care if you were seen or heard.

"No, no, no, don't hold back, bunny," he told you now. Then he raised a hand and brought it down on your ass harshly, drawing out a moan from his part when your walls clenched around him.

"Fuck!" you yelped loudly, the sound of your voice quieted down the fuss going on the balcony below. You held the rails with your hands. "Josh, please."

"You wanted me to fuck you like this, bunny," he reminded you, noticing the same thing you did. "Now everyone knows you're mine."

"God, fuck," you blurted, keeping an eye over the balcony in case someone thought of looking up, then you would need to hide.

"I want to hear you bunny," he groaned breathlessly, spanking you one more time, firmer this time, making your walls squeeze around him and you knew he liked it too when you heard a low guttural moan escape him.

"Arrgh, Joshua!" you cried in a high-pitch tone, your eyes welling up with tears, feeling a mixture of embarrassment and pleasure coursing through you.

"That's right, baby. It's me who's making you feel like this," you heard him grunt slightly.

"It's all you, Josh," you gasped, trying to close your eyes to the city around you, but the exposedness kept you alert.

"D'you like this baby?" he purred with a hollow laugh when you gave him a big nod with your head. "Yeah? My baby likes being fucked in the open, for everyone to see."

"Mmph, yeah, I do—fuck," you mewled out, but then you felt him tease around your hole again. A finger pushing in, slowly at first, but deeper this time, sending you a hot wave of pleasure. "Fuck, Josh. Babe, I–"

"Don't hold back," he reminded you, his voice strained and you knew he was close too.

You could hear hushed voices coming from the balcony below and muffled laughs between the slapping of Joshua's skin against yours. You tried so hard to contain yourself but couldn't under the amount of pleasure building on your body, making you gasp and mewl out incoherent, half thoughts.

"Joshua, I can't," you gasped. "I'm so—fuck, babe! So close," you blurted, your voice raw.

"Gonna come, baby? You're gonna come on this cock, hm?" he asked tauntingly and you didn't need to see him to know that he was smiling.

Your body was immersed in pleasure like never before. The feeling of his finger pushing gently in and out of your hole added a pressure to your release building up inside you.

"Yes! God, yes, 'm so close, Josh," you sighed a moan.

"Come, baby," he whispered impatiently now. "Come all over my cock."

Then the tension in your body snapped, then it was all sweet, sweet pleasure as you came undone, back arching, jaw going slack. "Josh, god, fuck, Joshua!" you cried out lewdly, your voice rang hoarse, breaking through the night.

"Fuck, I'm cumming too," he said through a breath, then a guttural moan followed, his fingertips digging on your hip so hard you knew it would leave marks.

But his hips continued to slam hard against you, pushing his cock deeper inside your pulsating walls as he came with you, fucking you through your long and very loud orgasm. You heard his raw moans over yours, felt his cum dripping down your thigh right after.

The thrusts came to a halt sloppily and gently removed his thumb from your hole when he felt you come down from your high. You had your eyes closed but you could hear the faint sounds of your little audience below, the hushed exchange of comments and small laughs.

Joshua's arms came to wrap your body, pulling you off the balcony rails in one sudden movement. He pressed you tightly against him, peppering your shoulder with kisses, you felt him breathing hard on your neck, prickling your skin.

"I love you, I love you," he whispered in your ear.

"I love you too, Joshua," you replied, leaning your head back on his shoulder.

"You did so good, bunny," he sighed before kissing your hair.

You closed your eyes weakly, the buzz of the city seemed to die when you caught the sound of his hard breaths, the stutter of his heartbeat vibrating against your body.

"Will you tell me what happened at the session?" you asked in a hum, lowering your head to kiss the forearm wrapping you by your shoulders.

"Yeah. Will you tell me what's going on with you?" he asked in return, still panting hard in your ear.

You gave him a small smile. "Yeah."

"In the shower?" he added tentatively.

"Definitely."

"Let's go," he mumbled, still breathless.

But he pulled out and motioned you over to his arms, which carried you bridal-style to the bathroom. Joshua didn't see you smiling happily at him, but you could see his features had relaxed considerably, his whole demeanor had changed.

"I was upset with you," you mumbled out the words slowly with a sigh as he lowered you onto the floor.

"Was?" your boyfriend inquired before turning to turn the shower on, sticking out a hand to test the water temperature.

"Was," you reassured, nodding your head.

"Why?"

"I felt like I made an effort to come visit you, but you haven't had time for me at all," you replied, trying to mask your hurt feelings under a shrug.

Joshua held out a hand for you as he stepped into the shower and you followed him.

"I didn't stand you up on purpose," he muttered and then pouted. "You know that, right baby? I was busy."

"I know, babe," you conceded softly. "Maybe it's time for us to accept that we're going to be busier than before."

"We'll manage," he asserted, grabbing one of your hands to kiss your knuckles, to then brace your arm over his shoulder, and you did the same with your other arm, encircling his neck loosely.

"I know we will, Josh," you pressed your lips in a smile.

"Is that it? Or is there something else that made you upset?" he pried, reading your face.

You paused, then shook your head slightly. "It's nothing," you whispered, using one hand to push his wet bangs back from his forehead.

"Baby," he mumbled reproachfully. "We promised we would tell each other everything."

"I'm just being dumb. I swear it's nothing serious," you insisted.

"If that's the case, might as well tell me, right?"

You rolled your eyes, he was right. "I felt a little jealous," you muttered reluctantly, avoiding his eyes.

"What? Why? When?" he blurted and you darted a look back to his face to see him frowning.

"Last night at the backstage," you started. "The friend you introduced to me last night, Thea."

"What about her, baby?" he smiled softly, the expression on his face changed from confusion to amusement.

"She was cute. And you seemed to be pretty close too," you added sheepishly, trying to hold his gaze but it felt nearly impossible.

"I barely even said anything to her," Joshua chuckled briefly, but not in a condescending way, his eyes looking at you fondly.

"But I felt something, okay?" you replied impishly, trying not to let your feelings show.

"Bunny, she is an old friend," he explained with a shrug that denoted his easiness about the subject: "Whatever happened between us, happened years ago. It means nothing to me."

You pushed your eyebrows up. "So something did happen between you?"

"A long time ago," he showed you a small smile, lowering his gaze so his eyes seemed bigger. "It was just sex, nothing more."

"Are you sure?" you mumbled.

"Yeah, baby," he replied shortly, wrapping one arm around your waist. "Completely sure."

You were slowly connecting the dots, reading the glint in his dark eyes. You pushed a hand on his forehead, combing his long dark hair back. "Are you turned on by this, babe?"

Joshua nodded, running the tip of his tongue on his lower lip before sinking his teeth down on it.

You couldn't deny that you also felt aroused by his reassurance over you. You felt how much he wanted you, and you could see it in his eyes.

"Why were you jealous, bunny?" he asked, his half-lidded eyes reading the features of your face. "I barely even held a conversation with her for a minute."

You darted a look down on his body, only to find out that your boyfriend was hard already, his erection pressing on your lower tummy the moment he pulled you to his warm and wet body.

"Mm," you huffed, starting to feel a little lightheaded, the warmth, the steam, his amused eyes on you. "I just was. I didn't like the way she looked at you," you mumbled out.

Joshua reached down, a hand curving over your thigh and pulled it up to wrap around his hip, propping one foot over the rim of the bathtub, so your thigh was resting comfortably. Now with his hand freed, he wasted no time, grabbing his cock and guiding it to your core, sheathing himself inside you with a low moan from your part.

"Feel that?" he growled, resting his forehead on top of yours, droplets of water falling into your parted mouth. "You drive me crazy. No one has ever made me feel this way. No one but you."

Your eyelids fluttered uncontrollably, warm water ran down your faces but you couldn't tear your eyes from your boyfriend's face, his beautiful lips.

"Joshua," you moaned, holding onto his shoulders for more support as you started moving your hips in a gentle sway, back and forth, not hard nor fast. Just feeling him, completely hard inside you.

"I'm here, baby," he muttered with a ragged sigh. "I'm yours."

Adrenaline, dopamine, whatever it was, ran in a frenzied rush across your body, shocking you over how deeply fascinated the sound of those words made you feel.

"Mine," you replied entrancingly.

He nodded with a small movement. "No one else's. You're the only woman I want. The woman I love."

A broken moan escaped you and you pressed your crotch down to his hilt, unable to roll your hips to your own satisfaction. Joshua noticed your struggle, his hands gripping your hips tightly, forcing you to rut against him with more purpose.

"I'm here baby," he repeated with a low rasp. "I love you."

"I love you," you sobbed back.

"I never wanted someone the way I want you," he confessed, tilting his head forward, forehead bumping with yours as he continued to help you roll your hips on him. "I'm crazy about you, baby. You don't even know."

You tried to keep your eyes trained on him, on the beautiful features of his face, the droplets of water running down his face, his trembling eyelids, the parted lips as he let out breathy moans.

"Before you, I had given up the idea of finding someone for me. I didn't care, I thought I was fine being on my own," he whispered, and you could tell that he was trying hard to keep himself vulnerable.

You moved a hand from his shoulder to cup his face, Joshua leaned against your touch and he opened his eyes, blinking lazily to find yours.

"I want you so fucking much," he gave you a delirious laugh. "I am so in love with you."

You pushed his wet long hair away from his face so you could see his pretty face, ignoring the tears brimming in your eyes.

His pretty lips parted to let out a disgruntled moan, the sound reverberating inside the shower walls, sending a powerful shiver through your body.

"Fuck," Joshua breathed, his eyebrows knitting slightly. "Baby, come for me. I want you to come first," he said through a ragged breath, his hands moving your hips with more urgency now.

The emotions you felt at that moment had robbed you of your voice, so you could only nod at him in affirmation before removing the hand cupping his chin and tucking it between your body and his.

Joshua swallowed hard at the sight of you starting to rub your clit with fast swirls. "That's it, baby," he nodded, his voice was raspy now. His forehead dropped on yours again, breathing hard from a mixture of exhaustion and pleasure.

Your orgasm came fast, making you convulse slightly against his body, you tried to keep your eyes locked with his, as he watched your mouth part and your eyebrows knit together.

"Baby," you cooed, your voice surprisingly sweet and low. "I love you."

His eyes fluttered close, a shudder shaking his body, making his lower lip drop, a low raspy moan escaping him as he emptied himself inside you.

You clashed your mouth with his, your arms encircling his neck to hold onto him, the euphoric feeling of being so in love making you want to melt into his arms.

"I love you too, bunny," he gasped.

Joshua's hand blindly searched for the tap before shutting it off. His eyes read the features of your face with some thought. "I know we're both new to this. But we have to trust each other, baby," he muttered, leaning down to press a kiss on your forehead.

"I do trust you," you replied with a shy mutter.

His gaze softened, appearing to understand everything now and then he nodded quietly. "We understand each other, then," he whispered, turning around and reached out for a towel, which he wrapped around his waist and then he took another one, wrapping your body with it.

A small squeal left your mouth when he sloppily lifted you from the ground, carrying you bridal style again and to the bedroom. "Are you hungry? I can order room service."

You caressed his cheek, and smiled when you were showered by some droplets of water that fell from his wet hair and onto your face. "Can we order pancakes? And strawberry milkshakes?"

He smiled endearingly at you. "Anything my baby wants," he muttered, placing you gently on the bed. "I'll make the call and then we'll talk, okay?"

In the few minutes it took him to place the order, you got up from the bed and went looking for the T-shirt you were wearing earlier. It had been thrown to the side of the couch and you put it on in one go.

You were about to turn to head towards the bed when you were hugged from behind, the surprise sent a shock down your spine but you welcomed it with a short chuckle.

"Your pancakes will be here shortly, Ms. Hong," Joshua whispered in your ear, moving a hand that was pressing on your tummy to move back your wet hair to kiss your cheek.

"I like the sound of that," you replied with a sweet smile.

"The pancakes?" he taunted with a cheeky grin.

"Being Ms. Hong too," you said.

Joshua paused, almost as if he hadn't expected you to say it, let alone turn to look at him. He must have read the honesty and love in your face, because he remained speechless.

"Baby, are you serious?" he asked, his voice was rendered a mere whisper. A slow smile crept in his face and when you didn't immediately answer, he added: "Let me get the ring. Hold on."

"Shut up," you gasped with a nervous laugh. "You don't have a ring."

"How do you know that?" he pressed a feathery kiss in your lips, his pointer and middle finger caressing your cheek, holding your chin. "I might do."

You turned in his embrace, encircling his neck with your arms, his hands followed your movement, firmly placing them on your waist. "You need to slow down, Joshua Hong," you whispered, moving your hands to his neck, where you could feel his pulse, racing at your touch.

"In my defense, you started it," he replied, popping out his lower lip in a small pout but then broke into a smile.

"Marriage, kids..." you smiled anxiously when you were able to feel his pulse under your thumbs. "We haven't been in a relationship for longer than a month, Josh."

"And?" his pierced eyebrow shot up. "I love you. I've never been more sure about this."

"And I love you too, Joshua," you tilted your head to one side. "But maybe... maybe we need to wait a little."

"Fine," he replied with some reluctance. But you could still see the spark in his big eyes, the joy and the love written in them.

"I mean it," you said firmly and he smiled, giggling cheekily.

"Alright, alright," he nodded, leaning down to press a kiss in your lips, nudging the tip of your nose with his. "I'm still calling you Ms. Hong."

The next day you had to catch the earliest flight home, as you had been told that the last delivery of books for you to sign had arrived. So you called a taxi as soon as you woke up, as you had overslept and were late.

"Are you sure you don't want me to come with you at the airport?" Joshua asked, his brow furrowing as he looked at your face.

"I'm sure," you replied for the nth time. You were standing on the sidewalk, waiting for the taxi. A sudden jolt of nervousness twisted your stomach when you blurted out: "Were you able to clear your schedule for Friday night?"

Joshua's gaze softened, looking remorseful as he dropped his eyes to the ground and shook his head gently. "I'm sorry, bunny," he mumbled. "I won't be able to be there with you."

Your heart deflated and you were quick to give him a nod. "Okay," you whispered with an empty smile. "It's okay. Um, I'll call you when I get home, alright?"

The taxi stopped in front of you and you turned to reach out for the handle. Joshua's face contorted, his frown deepening when you were about to leave without saying something.

"Come here," he muttered before you could get into the car, cupping the back of your head to press his lips with yours. "I love you, baby."

"I love you, Joshua," you replied, and as the car drove away you wished you hadn't said it so dryly.

✮ a/n: hi there my lovelies! ◕⩊◕

i truly don't like to split this chapter but the word count really got out of hand here. i'll post the next part as soon as i finish writing it (yes, i'm still writing it don't look at me like that)

for those who wanted juicy angst, you'll find it in the next part! 👀🩵

oki doki. that's it for me now. i love you all, drink some water, use sunscreen.... i'm not asking you to reblog or comment or like, do whatever you want idgaf

haha i love yous! ( > 〰 < )♡

toodles!

next part

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vampireimiko · 1 year

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Hello

Can I request headcanons for a fem Healer! Reader with the Mortal Kombat boys (Specifically Bi-Han, Liu Kang, Reptile, Kuai Liang, Shang Tsung, Fujin, Raiden and Johnny? If that’s too much you can skip it!)

Like, reader is gentle and kind, but also kinda blunt and will speak her mind when it calls for it?💀

Thanks!

Multiple MK Men with a Blunt!Fem!Healer S/O

warnings, none !!

note, i was gonna do all of them but i ended up falling asleep so this is all I got done😭

Bi-Han

જ⁀➴ "I swear, you have fresh injuries each day."

જ⁀➴ Bi-Han grinned, a mischievous glint in his eyes. "Occupational hazards, my dear healer. Keeps life interesting."

જ⁀➴ "Tuh, whatever. If you keep getting into these 'occupational hazards', you won't have a life to keep interesting, no?" you retorted, shaking your head in mock disapproval while attending to his injuries.

Liu Kang

જ⁀➴ "For someone that's supposed to be a demi-god, you sure do get injured quite a lot." You sassed while patching up his arm.

જ⁀➴ Liu Kang chuckled, the sound a mixture of amusement and pain. "Well, even gods need a little tender loving care sometimes."

જ⁀➴ "Don't mistake my bluntness for lack of care," you retorted with a raised eyebrow. "I just call it as I see it. Now hold still, or I might decide to leave you with that bruise."

Syzoth

જ⁀➴ "You know... I'm not so sure you're qualified for this. Don't you think I need a veterinarian?" Syzoth joked around with you.

જ⁀➴ "Very funny." You said, turning to look at Syzoth with a blank stare.

જ⁀➴ "Ah...!" He hissed as you poured alcohol over his wound to ensure it wouldn't get infected before you started working on it.

જ⁀➴ "Maybe next time, I'll find a vet to tend to my lizard boyfriend," you remarked, not missing a beat, as you continued your work.

Kuai Liang

જ⁀➴"How in the elder gods name did you manage to burn yourself with your own power? I thought I chose the responsible brother." You jokingly nagged.

જ⁀➴ "Well, you see, when you're as talented as me, even fire obeys my command... most of the time," he grinned, trying to recover some dignity after your playful scolding.

જ⁀➴ "Hmm, guess you weren't so talented this time, my love." You said, pressing a kiss on his cheek and continuing to wrap his hand.

Fujin

જ⁀➴ "Where does it hurt, Fujin? Just because I have these gifts doesn't mean I know exactly where each injury is."

જ⁀➴ Fujin chuckled softly, the wind seeming to carry the sound. "The injury is right here, my sweet," Fujin said, placing his hand on the left side of his ribcage.

જ⁀➴ "Thank you... and you said you earned this by someone deflecting your own wind shot back at you? How embarrassing..." you remarked, finishing the healing process with a gentle touch and a small smile on your face.

Johnny

જ⁀➴ "For one of the biggest martial artists in the world, you sure are pretty dumb."

જ⁀➴ "Babe, don't be like that! I wouldn't say dumb... I'd say I'm just very adventurous!" He said, reclining to prop his head up on his arms.

જ⁀➴ "Shit...shit! Still sore," he muttered hurriedly, carefully putting them down.

જ⁀➴ "And danger-prone," you deadpanned, shaking your head while tending to yet another injury earned from his 'adventures.'

𝐚𝐝𝐝𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞; 𝐨𝐧 𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐟𝐮𝐧 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞, 𝐢 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐦𝐞 𝐚 𝐛𝐥𝐮𝐧𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 🫶🏾 𝐫𝐞𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐬, 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐝𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤, 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐬𝐦 (𝐢𝐟 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐟𝐮𝐥) 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐥𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝 !!

𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐬𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐲 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐥𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐭 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧

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cherrifire · 7 months

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Please share your thoughts on the other 5 cutie marks, I'd love to hear!

Hi everypony! I got like 20 asks for the Dogwarts cutie mark lore so I'm here to speak my truth!

Before we start, I would like to write a quick reminder that a pony's cutie mark is not always their "special talent", but can also represent who they are, their personalities, and a possible destiny. Different cutie marks have different meanings and interpretations, but they're not just about representing what you're good at.

That being said, let's start with the cutie mark design I'm proudest of!

Ren's Cutie Mark

Ren's cutie mark is of a sunrise and looks pretty simple at first glance but there was a lot of thought that went into this one.

First of all, I bet you're wondering why a sunrise? Well, in the show, it is pretty typical for unicorns with great magical abilities to have one relating to space (examples being Twilight Sparkle, Sunset Shimmer, Starlight Glimmer, and Sunburst). And I figured since I wanted Ren to fall into a similar position of potentially becoming an alicorn, I gave him a cutie mark following the same trend. And I chose a sunrise to reflect the way Ren seems to glow when he enters a room. The way he carries himself is very warm and bright it just catches your eye in a similar way the sun would.

Also, Ren wears sunglasses. So a sun-themed cutie mark seemed appropriate.

Additionally, there are a couple of smaller details I want to point out too. Like the sun rays, if you look at them for a moment you'll see they're shaped like little crowns! I of course had to put a crown in thanks to how much Ren likes to play royalty, so I snuck it in there. And then the red spots underneath could both be interpreted as the sun reflected over water or blood. (But of course, this is a kid show AU so there wouldn't be any blood in Ren's destiny, just a fun reference to the red king and his whole thing about blood dyeing the snow red)

Martyn's Cutie Mark

I explained this one in an earlier ask but I thought I'd explain it again here for anyone who didn't see it!

Martyn's cutie mark is of a chopped log and a small stick.

This one is mostly a play on the name "Littlewood" but has other meanings too. As a character, Martyn tends to travel and explore quite a bit. In the Life Series specifically, he is usually the last one to find a permanent base and even then doesn't spend a lot of time in one place. Always on the move. Additionally, he's more of a wild card compared to other characters, always trying to be as unpredictable as possible.

The smaller detail here is the little swirl on top of the log is the same as the one on his Minecraft skin's shirt.

BigB's Cutie Mark

Cookies! Cookies! Cookies! BigB's cutie mark is of 3 cookies where one is trying to eat the others. There are also a few sprinkles there made to look like action lines.

We all know BigB loves cookies so of course I had to give him a cutie mark with cookies in it. For this one, I decided to follow the cutie mark trend of "symbol/item important to the pony duplicated 3 times" (examples being Fluttershy, Applejack, Rarity, Pinkie Pie) but I added a bit more creativity to it with the top on trying to eat the others to represent just how tasty they are 😋

Additionally, rather than the first cookie trying to eat the others, you could interpret it as opening its mouth to talk. Because BigB can not keep a secret to save his life! In Double Life when he started "secret soulmates" with Grian, he didn't last a day without opening his mouth. He told Ren about it immediately because he felt bad for keeping things from him.

Also worth quickly mentioning: People pointed out in my original post that they don't think BigB would be the element of honesty because of his behaviour in Secret Life. But that's just Secret Life. I think Secret Life to BigB was like that episode of My Little Pony where Discord makes the main 6 act the opposite of their true element. BigB was just going through a weird phase of telling very obvious lies because a book told him to.

Skizz's Cutie Mark

Skizz's cutie mark is of a lightning bolt from a couple storm clouds hitting the ground.

I think this is the cutie mark with the least thought put into it, unfortunately. There was still though just not as much as the others. The big thing I thought was fun was I made the lightning bolt shaped like an "S" to stand for Skizzleman. But other than that, this cutie mark sort of has the same meaning as Rainbow Dash's cutie mark. Quick like lightning, loud, bold, dangerous, and powerful.

Impulse's Cutie Mark

Impulse's cutie mark is of a lit-up lightbulb.

I absolutely crowded this cutie mark with the letter i. If you look closely, there are 6 of them. Impulse's design also has an i-shaped pattern on the belly if you look closely enough. But that's more of a fun easter egg and doesn't exactly reflect Impulse as a character.

There are a couple of reasons I chose a lightbulb for Impulse, the first and probably most obvious is that he's a redstone guy! He's a technical guy who likes to work smarter, not harder. So I figured the My Little Pony equivalent would be a light bulb/electricity. The second reason for the lightbulb is that it's usually used as a visual representation when characters have that "eureka!" moment in cartoons. When someone has a brilliant idea a little lightbulb turns on above their head. So since Impulse is the ideas guy, I figured a lightbulb would work for his cutie mark.

Etho's Cutie Mark

Etho's cutie mark is of a snowflake with a missing branch.

I promise there is more to this cutie mark than just "Canada is cold" even if that's part of the reason I wanted to give him a winter-themed cutie mark. While it is fun to make a nod to Etho being Canadian, I thought a winter-themed cutie mark would be fun to represent how he sometimes presents himself. Cold and a bit mysterious. I think deep down once you get to know him, those attributes melt away, but for people who have never met him, he may be intimidating that way.

I'll be honest, I don't watch a lot of Etho content, but I do have a few friends who identify as Etho girlies so I did my research. I was told in his Minecraft Let's Play World, that he has a snowflake build somewhere. I believe they said it was an iron golem farm? (Please correct me if I'm wrong) but I thought that was perfect for the cutie mark. And if you're wondering why there's a branch missing, it's because one of my friends said he was incapable of finishing builds sometimes so I thought that would be fun to include.

-=+=-

Alright. Rant over. To celebrate, here are a few pony doodles so I can put this post in my art tag.

#cherri.speaks #cherri.draws #trafficblr #my little pony au #renthedog #inthelittlewood #bigbst4tz2 #skizzleman #impulsesv #ethoslab #Third Life x MLP #mclp

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bratzforchris · 6 months

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hi! can I have fluffy smut w/ johnnie please?! like similar to the the more feminine reader headcanons where they’re wearing a new pink set and tease him while he’s streaming or something!? thank you! love all ur content btw! 🖤🤍

Tease

Summary: Dropping lunch off at Johnnie's desk results in much more than just a quick hug and a kiss

Pairing: CEO!Johnnie x feminine reader

Warnings: Smut, oral (m receiving), semi public sex (?), face fucking, hair pulling, quickie

Word Count: 923

A/N: I'm sorry this request took so long to get out, anon, but I hope it's worth the wait! Also, I know I strayed from the prompt a tad, but I saw this photo of Johnnie and couldn't resist :p Enjoy!!

It was a well known fact that your boyfriend, Johnnie, was one of the biggest entertainment CEOs in Los Angeles. Having originally started out as a YouTuber himself, he had ended up coming up with the idea of creating a talent agency specifically for YouTubers, which had led to an enormous company empire that quickly had him wrapped up in all kinds of company calls, business meetings, and the like. Managing famous influencers such as Tarayummy, Larray, and the Sturniolo Triplets was never easy work by any means, but you and Johnnie both always put in the effort to make sure that you two got time together for your relationship.

Like now for example. You were riding in the private, glass elevator of the corporation’s building to the top floor, in which Johnnie’s private office was. Despite keeping your relationship relatively private and quiet, you were known throughout the company as Johnnie’s girlfriend and the secretary on the ground floor had seamlessly shooed you into the CEO’s private elevator. You stepped out onto Johnnie’s floor, clutching the takeout bag in your hand tighter. Your boyfriend had a bad habit of forgetting to pack lunch or eat when he was wrapped up at work, so you had decided to bring him lunch from his favorite cafe as both a way to see him and get a quick ‘I love you’ and as a way to make sure he was staying healthy.

You stepped into his private hallway, adjusting your half-shoulder shirt. Your lacy, pink bra peeked out from underneath the fabric, adding a touch of brightness to the modern, gray and white hallway. You walked towards the grand door that had a silver plaque reading ‘Guilbert’ on it. You knocked quickly, calling out. “It’s me, hun.”

Within a few seconds, Johnnie had opened the door, a tired smile on his face. “I wasn’t expecting you today, my love.”

“I thought I’d bring you lunch,” You smiled, stepping into his office and closing the door behind you. “I know how you can get when you’re busy.” You said gently, kissing his cheek and setting the takeout bag on his desk.

Johnnie looked you up and down as he sat back down in his chair, running his hands through his hair. “Thank you, baby, but I think this,” he paused to gesture at your flowy, white shirt, pink bra, and pink miniskirt. “Is a much better gift.”

You blushed, sitting down on his lap. “Whatcha working on?”

Your boyfriend sighed, clearing some papers off his desk and refreshing his computer. “A lot. Everyone seems to be wanting to change their business model right now.” he sighed.

You pouted, not liking how Johnnie’s face was creased with stress, or how rigid his muscles were with anxiety. “I’m sorry, baby.” You hummed softly, not-so-secretly adjusting yourself on his lap.

Johnnie let out an involuntary moan as he looked at you, blue eyes growing wide with arousal at the way you were practically teasing him with that bra strap and your girly little outfit. He held your hips as his boner grew, whimpering softly.

“I have a meeting in fifteen.” he groaned, rather frustrated that he didn’t have all the time in the world to hike that little skirt up and bend you over his desk.

“That’s enough time for me.” You smiled sweetly, looking up at him with doe eyes as you slid off his lap.

You began to undo Johnnie’s belt and trousers, making quick work of getting his pants off. By the time you were done, his dick had sprung free and was already throbbing with arousal, the tip glistening with pre cum. You began to fist him softly with one hand, upping the teasing before you began to slide your tongue across his tip. Johnnie moaned, thrusting his hips forward and tangling his hands in your hair, eager for your pretty little mouth to relieve his stress.

As you took all of him into your mouth, Johnnie moaned when his tip hit the back of your throat. He began to pull your hair as you made him feel good, your head bobbing as you sucked and licked his cock. Johnnie thought you looked absolutely adorable with your angelic looks and big eyes looking at him as you worked him. The familiar feeling of orgasm built in his stomach and he moaned, thrusting himself towards your face again and again.

It wasn’t long before he came, throwing his head back with a loud grunt as thick, white ropes of cum shot into your mouth and down your throat. You pulled off Johnnie’s cock with a pop, smiling as you swallowed and wiped your mouth. “Feeling less stressed now?” You asked with a giggle.

Johnnie leaned forward to kiss your forehead, simultaneously fixing his pants and hair, seeing as how the clock said he had three minutes until his meeting. “A lot less stressed,” he smiled softly. “You’re the best, darling.”

You blushed under the praise, straightening your own clothes. “I really love you, you know that? And I’m sorry for teasing you with my outfit.” You giggled.

“I’m sure you are,” Johnnie rolled his eyes playfully, pinching your ass. “I love you, baby. Thank you for the food.”

You bid Johnnie a goodbye as he took the phone call for his meeting. As you stepped out into the hallway once again, you began to plot ways to make Johnnie feel even less stressed once he got home. In fact, you were never truly done teasing him.

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courtmartialme · 6 months

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some examples i can think of brotherhood crimes of doing riza(and royai) dirty in my opinion that's the absolute truth in the universe. consciously excluding stuff i think are minor but annoy me just as bad or else this post would be too exhausting:

being ugly in general

not including her time travel joke from when they learn that the elrics are kids and not adults on their way to recruiting them

not including the scene where roy meets her after she calls him when she meets barry the chopper and threatens to burn him out of jealousy

changing the dialogue after roy saves her from gluttony from:

to:

LIKE...... if brotherhood has the habit of cutting off scenes to make it shorter then WHY they would change this scene to become BIGGER AND WORSE. the dialogue in manga is a clear example of their trust and wordless care for each other. while in broho it's just ?????? roy being an asshole????? to his wife?????? whom he just left his post running for bc he sensed she was in danger???? whoever chose to change this dialogue. kill yourself

riza being nice to alphonse when they are at 3rd laboratory:

not including the only time in the whole series roy calls her by her first name only:

the WHOLE ishval arc. riza telling ed about ishval lasts a whole ass volume while it's barely an entire episode in anime like... hm.. for starters the way roy and riza meet again there is different. in manga she saves roy and hughes from a surprise attack, and only realizes it's roy when she sees him through the scope. then hughes tells roy that they brought a talented sniper from the academy and goes after her to thank her for saving them. in anime riza suddenly shows up to roy when he was talking to hughes and like... not necessarily a bad thing i guess but...... yeah.... also this whole conversation is cut off if i remember right.. among a lot of other things LOL i hate how ishval arc is played down in BH

riza being funny and cute not being included again

this scene when they reach 3rd lab again in promised day and roy jokes about wanting to see her honest tears again and riza replies saying water makes him useless BUT in manga she's all cute and blushy while in anime they make her be all # girlbaws about it because that's all brotherhood riza is about lmao they took away her moeness...crime

in manga, after roy gives up killing envy upon realizing it would lead to riza shooting him then killing herself, it shows him lowering her gun without the glove he previously had on. symbolizing that he lowered his weapon before he could lower hers. in anime he still has his gloves on

EDIT I FORGOT THE MOST IMPORTANT PANEL OF THEM ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

RIZA BEING INSUBORDINATE AND A BRAT SHE'S SO CUTE THIS PANEL IS WHAT INSPIRED MY USERNAME... SHE'S SO CUTE...... brotherhood is so scared of letting riza be cute and moe because she would be too powerful if they let her

EDIT 222222 BECAUSE I WOKE UP IN COLD SWEAT AT REMEMBERING I FORGOT THIS TOO

roy visits madame christmas' bar looking down and she asks him why doesn't he and elizabeth go someplace fun... we all know who elizabeth is right... and he says miserably that another man took elizabeth away from him(referring to riza being kept hostage by bradley) and at that the other girl asks if that means she has a chance with him now. everyone knows that roy is so wifepilled he won't look any other way if riza is in the picture lmao also how embarrassing it is that even your mom knows you're fucking your subordinate

i'm convinced somebody at BH staff hated riza's ass because of how often riza and royai scenes are changed or ignored... i know it's common for anime adaptations to cut off moments from manga but for an anime that whole premise is to be The Better Adaptation, doing it so often makes it bad to me. if you repeatedly exclude scenes that tell more about the characters because they're "not relevant to the plot", eventually there will be no actual personality left, only characters that are plot props

THERE'S A LOT MORE i wanted to include but this is already long enough and i got tired LMFAO a lot of things(most not included) are non issues because are mostly about riza being a bit silly, or showing more expression than she does in anime in a scene that otherwise doesn't change anything. but they still annoy me because by repeatedly excluding and changing these moments add to the view people have of her being nagging and stoic, at an attempt to make her a cool flawless Good Woman Character. what for.

#tecotalk #fma #riza hawkeye #throwing in the tag because fuck it #not hiding anything under the cut everyone will be subjected to this

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writingforatwistedworld · 9 months

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Hii, I'm glad you're back . Even if it was for a few days you really left a place in tumblr not just for your work but for your presence itself.

I had a question for a while and I'm sorry if you answered it before and I seemed to not notice , if that's the case then forgive my ignorance but I was wondering , since sebek seems to respect his grandfather alot and has inherited the hate for humans from him and it's a known fact in self-aware au that the faes 'love' the overseer alot I must say.. does that mean that sebek also inherited his 'love' for the overseer from his granpa? If so how did green grandpa see the overseer, what made him 'love' them and how does he show it .

If you don't want to write this then feel free to ignore it , hope you have a great day and don't forget to drink water and eat well<33

Hi there Anon. It's so sweet of you to say that. I didn't think I would have made such an impression on anyone. But I completely forgot to write about Sebeks grandfather -_-

Well, better late than never.

Self-aware au

WARNINGS: Jp-version spoiler (like, the whole thing!!!), (Platonic!) yandere themes, war, religion, unhealthy mindset, isolation, unhealthy family dynamic

(Platonic!) Yandere headcanons

Ah yes, our local way too loud and loyal member of the reptilian family. No need to to worry about him. I mean, what could go wrong? (Hehe…)

Baul was not from the Valley of Thorns. Growing up in Sunset Savannah he did not grow up with the beliefs of the Faes (in other words, he was not part of a religious cult)

So imagine the huge shock he felt when he finally became a solider under the Draconia banner and started to become more and more like the other Faes

Well, for starters, yes, he wasn't indoctrinated into the whole church thing since birth but also wasn't raised to see you as an equal like the beastmen of the Savannah

You could say that he was a healthy mixture of both

Emphasis on the “was”

You see, isolation and being the only one sticking out (if we discount the humans invading the valley) does leave you open for a lot of things

If we count two (being the surroundings he was in) and two (his more or less unnoticed loneliness) together, we can see pretty fast where that led

Never mind his superior (and friend I mean come on they might as well be brothers) Lilia constantly rambling about the Overseer, savior of all, and how you accepted everyone in your kind embrace

Ok. Nice. Neat. Great. In the beginning, Baul wasn't very interested in joining any kind of religion

But the longer the war held on, the more he wished there was someone he could ask for help in his task of protecting those he deemed close to himself (you see the generational pattern?)

At some point, even the proudest of all can't hold on for forever

So he turned to you, the supposed God that was on so gentle

And goddamn that religious gaslighting and placebo effect worked damn well

Not only did he feel like there was someone there who supported him from somewhere in the universe (even though that was just him believing too much but let have him have some hope, ok?) but also he finally had a community

Whenever he would leave one of the many churches in the valley a Fae would approach, thanking him for protecting their home

Sooner than later did the former non-believer think of himself as your chosen shield of the valley

The war came and went away

If only the same thing could be said about Bauls new religious beliefs

And when he saw that grandson of his, cute little chubby hands that gripped a wooden toy sword tightly, he knew that his position as the valleys shield would not cease

Yes, even Baul would die one day. Fae or not, he was at the end of the day mortal

But that talent of his grandson would surely be of use to you, right?

If his younger self would see him like this, would it run away? Would it feel disgust at the thought that his future self would use his own grandson for selfish, religious reasons?

If only Baul knew that “God” didn't even know they were living beings that existed in a different world…

#yandere twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #yandere twst #yandere twisted wonderland x reader #yandere twst x reader #self aware au #platonic #twst x reader #baul zigvolt #twst baul #Platonic Baul #tw: yandere #tw: religion #tw: obsessive behavior #tw: family problems #tw: unhealthy mindset

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wosoamazing · 8 months

Text

The Call Up

Summary: Leah's sister chooses a different national team and she isn't happy

Warnings: IDK, angry Leah??, if there is more let me know and I will add them.

A/N: Hey guys, this is my first fic, I'm thinking of turning this into a series I guess, kind of following Leah's sister and also Leah. I'm open to any feedback and also please send in any requests. I hope you like it. Also thank you to @girlgenius1111 for giving me the confidence to post this.

You and your sister were sitting in your living room, surrounded by your team-mates, having a mini team bonding day, it was mostly filled with phones ringing and “I’m in”s. Today was call up day for the senior international break that was coming up, everyone in the room had gotten a call except you, but you weren’t expecting a call, at 16 you were lucky to be in the Arsenal Women’s team, a senior call up was not something you expect. So, when the activities of the room were interrupted by a phone ringing everyone was confused no one else was let to get a call. Their eyes all darted the room checking they hadn’t forgotten someone before they all landed on you.

You sat there holding you buzzing phone, “I guess I better take this”, you stood up and walked out of the now silent room swiping to accept the call.

“Hello, this is Y/F/N Williamson speaking” you answered, every time you answered the phone differently you received a lecture from your sister, so answering the phone this way was now habit.

“Hello Y/N, it’s Tony Gustavsson, the Matilda’s head coach,”

“Yeah, I know,” you heard him chuckle, shit you said that out loud “Sorry, I’m really sorry I shouldn’t have said that”.

You were sure this was a call up, it wasn’t necessarily the call up you expected but secretly it was the call up you always wished for.

“No, no it’s all good. I’m just calling to ask if you would like to join me and my staff and the Matilda’s on international break, you are really quite talented, and we think you could bring a lot to the team.”

“Oh my God, yes, yes, yes, I would love too! Thank you so much!”

“I’m glad, you’ll get an email soon with all the details you’ll need, I look forward to seeing you”.

“Thank you, bye”.

“Bye” he said as he hung up.

It was an unexpected call up but a warmly welcomed called up. You had lived in your sister’s shadow for years; yeah sure you were 16 and in the Arsenal Women’s team but you couldn’t help feel that your sister had something to do with it. Everything you ever did was because of her, your parents put you in football because she played it. You were an avid Arsenal support because that was her team. You always knew one day you would have to choose a national team, but you didn’t expect it so had never actually talked to anyone about it. You had spent your whole life living in England however you were born in Australia which meant you were a dual citizen and could play for either team. You had just chosen which team would be your national team forever without even a second thought.

You were in shock as you walked back into the room that held all the girls, you were on cloud nine, but soon you would fall from that cloud.

“What’s wrong” Leah asked.

“I got a call up”.

“What but under 18s call ups aren’t until next week” you were always called up to the under 18 Lionesses even though you were still eligible to play in their under 16s, so it was fair for her to assume the call up was for that team. There was a silence as you slowly nodded, a small grin appeared on her face growing larger by the millisecond until she screeched “You’re coming on international break with us!”

“Um… Well not exactly” She lost her grin immediately. Was this the right choice?

“What do you mean?”

“I’m not going on international break with you, but I am going on international break with a senior team” you replied as you looked around the room everyone’s faces were plastered with absolute confusion, expect for one, Steph Catley, in this moment she held a small barely noticeable smirk on her face, she seemed to know something the rest of them didn’t.

“Well-“, you continued however you were cut off by your phone ringing, “Sorry I should take this” you say as you walk away, you knew who this was, you had remember this number off by heart.

“Hello, it’s Y/F/N Williamson speaking” you answered.

“Hi Y/N, it’s Sarina Wiegman, I was wondering if you would like to join me and the team for international break, my staff and I have been watching you and your quite the powerhouse.”

“Um, I’m really sorry Sarina, thank you so much for the offer but I’m going to have to turn it down”.

“Oh okay-“, she was cut off as you hung up on her. You stood there for a minute soaking it all in before starting to walk back in.

“So?” your sister questioned, you were about to speak but your sisters phone rang “Sorry its Sarina,” you wished you could just disappear, that second, you knew exactly what Sarina was going to say to her, Leah had already received her call up and it was no coincidence that Sarina was calling her just after you hung up on her.

“Hi Sarina, how are-” it seemed she was cut off, “Okay. Oh. Yep. Thank you. Will do, bye” and just like that the call was over.

“Um why did Sarina just call me to say you turned now her offer for you to join us on international break, and worse hang up and not listen to her fish?” The girls’ jaws dropped simultaneously in disbelief, expect for Steph whose smirk had grown larger.

“Because I’m already going on international break like I said” you reply.

“But with who?”

“I think you’re all forgetting something” Steph chimed in. Leah flashed her a glance, Steph’s grin caused Leah’s confused, annoyed and shocked mix of a face to turn into one of almost disappointment and anger.

“What.” you nod, she had realised and there was no turning back now “No.” You smirk “You didn’t. How could you. You know what I don’t even care anymore,” and with that your sister stormed out of living room down to her bedroom and slammed the door, but it opened again “If I was you I would find a place to stay for tonight, and maybe ever,” the door slammed again.

A tear rolled down your check and you let out a shaky breath. “Hey, come here it’s alright,” Steph said softly, holding her arms out gesturing to you. You climbed onto her lap and she embraced you in a tight warm hug.

“Wait, but can someone catch me up, I’m still so confused” Beth piped out, causing some of the girls to giggle.

“Do you want to tell them, or do you want me to?” Steph whispered to you.

“I will.”

You shuffled in Steph’s lap so that you were facing the girls. “I um… well, the first phone call I got was from Tony.” you took a deep breath, Steph gave your shoulders a reassuring squeeze “Tony Gustavsson. He, um, he asked me if I wanted to join him and the Matilda’s for their international break, and um, well I-I said that I would love to….”

“Wait, but how are you eligible?” Beth asked, if she’d forgotten they must have all forgotten.

“I was born in Australia, Dad was posted at one of their army training bases by the UK military, because of some agreement between Australia and the UK in terms of training or something. Leah was about 10. Mum fell pregnant with Jacob and I and we were born there, but we moved back here, to England, when I was about one and have lived here ever since. But it does mean I’m a dual citizen meaning I was eligible for both teams”. Jacob was your annoying twin brother that’s all there is to say about him.

“Wait but is Leah?” “That is so cool” “Congratulations” “Don’t worry about Leah she will get over herself.” the girls all spoke at once.

“No Leah isn’t but Dad, Jacob and I are”, they all came over and gave me a big hug.

“We might just go check on Leah if that is okay” Beth, Kim, Viv, Katie, and Lia said. I nodded at them, and they turned around to go find Leah.

“We’re going to head off, if we want Amanda to be packed in time to go to camp, we better get her home now” Stina said “Hey,” Amanda replied as she was offended. Majority of the team followed them out, Caitlin showing them out before locking the door and coming back to join Kyra, you and Steph, positioning herself in the middle of where you and Steph were placed on the couch and where Kyra was sitting on the floor, by sitting down on the end of the couch.

Kyra still held the huge grin on her face that had appeared earlier when you said Tony called you. Her cheesy grin going ear to ear and knowing what she was thinking about made you giggle slightly. At this Steph and Caitlin looked over to her, when Caitlin playfully hit her. “Hey! What was that for?” she said like a child.

“You’re not going to be allowed to cause mischief in Aus, Sam won’t let that fly, you know that”, Kyra dramatically pouted with an “Oh” which caused you to giggle again and the older two to chuckle.

“You excited bug?” “Do you want us to help you pack?” “It’s going to be so cool having you on the team” they all stated. Another tear rolled down your check at these words, however this time it wasn’t a lone tear, it was followed by another and another until suddenly you were sobbing. “Hey, hey, hey,” Steph calmly said as she turned you back around to face her and wrapped you in a nice warm tight hug, in efforts to calm you down. Caitlin scooted closer to you and Steph and started to rub your back. Once you had calmed down slightly Steph let go of you and wiped the tears from your face whilst also slightly lifting your head, so you looked at her.

“What’s up?” She questioned.

“I-I,” you stuttered as another tear rolled down your face, which you wiped away with your hand, you went to put you hand back towards your chest in efforts to keep the tight ball your body had formed, but it was intercepted as someone else took it in their hand. You looked up and it was Kyra, she must’ve moved to sit next to you guys when you were crying. Kyra gave you a warm smile to which you returned before you turn your head to face Steph again. “W-What, if, this isn’t,” another shaky breath left your body before you could continue “What if this isn’t the right decision, maybe I just decided this in spite of Leah and not for me.” You spit out, the tears start fall faster again.

“Oh baby, it’s okay to be unsure, but I know that you know this is the right decision. I remember you telling me you wanted to be on my team on your second day at Arsenal, I replied to you ‘well that dream came true’, to which you looked at me like I had three heads and said ‘No, I want to be a Matilda’.” All four of you giggle before Steph continued “I think that was one of the first, actually no it was the first thing you said to me, and you were so admit and sure about it, it was what you wanted to do, and it still is, and maybe part of you wants to do it to go against Leah and prove to yourself and to Leah and maybe even your family, that you aren’t Leah’s Mini Me, that you are, you, and not her shadow but even doing it for that reason doesn’t mean you’re not doing it for you” you hum in reply, as you soaked in everything Steph had said and thought about it.

“Does Leah hate me now?” you ask thinking back to her initial reaction.

“No, no she doesn’t” Caitlin spoke this time.

“She might,” Kyra added food for thought, “Oi Kyra don’t,” Steph told Kyra off “No she doesn’t hate you, she just overreacted that’s all, and I think she felt a bit caught off guard, after all no one else knew you were thinking about choosing the Matilda’s over the Lionesses.” Content with her answer you nodded, leaning back in for a hug, that’s how you four remained for the next few minutes, you in Steph’s lap, her hugging you, Caitlin’s hand still on your back and your hand holding Kyra’s. That was until you were interrupted.

Soft footsteps were followed by Beth’s voice “See I told you she was, and she would be fine” you could even hear Beth’s ‘I’m right’ smirk in her voice.

You lifted your head and turned it around to see you sister standing there surrounded by your older teammates, her tearstained, red slightly puffy face matched yours. As she walked towards you, Caitlin’s hand left you back. Letting go of Kyra’s hand you glanced at Steph who nodded before you once again found yourself shuffling in her lap, this time turning around to face your sister. She bobbed down in front of you taking both your hands in hers.

“Bug, I’m really sorry, I shouldn’t have behaved like that.”

“It’s okay,” you mumbled as she glanced up at Steph who gave her a reassuring smile and said, “It’s okay, she’s okay, we will look after her”, you watched your sister sit down on the couch and gesture for you to come over to her, with that you left Steph’s lap and climbed onto your sister’s lap.

Steph, Caitlin and Kyra communicated silently before standing up and following the others into the kitchen leaving you and your sister alone in the living room. You could hear that the others were speaking but you couldn’t hear what they were saying, you just continue to sit in your sister’s lap enjoying her warm embrace for a moment before looking up to her, and saying “I love you.”

“I love you too bug, so so so much” she said as a tear rolled down her check, “and I’m really sorry for the way I reacted, I-I, I just didn’t really expect it and was caught off guard slightly, but the girls helped me realised I never actually heard you say you wanted to join the Lionesses, we never spoke about it, it was just something that I assumed, something I thought was a given, but it was never a given, you were always eligible for two national teams, and it does make sense as to why you choose them. But I shouldn’t reacted that way and I really regret saying the things I said.”

“It’s okay” you said as you smiled at her.

“But bug it really isn’t, and I am very very sorry.” you nodded burying your head in her chest.

“Bug,” you looked up at her whilst rolling your eyes, how many times does she have to say bug in one moment. Bug was her nickname for you (there is a long story behind how it came about) and whilst you didn’t mind it she was the only one allowed to use it generally, you didn’t mind if the other girls used it when you were upset, or sick but in general it was prohibited, however maybe she needed to be prohibited from using it too. She chucked at your reaction before continuing “I am really proud of you, you know that. Getting a senior call up at 16, to a different team than your youth national team, that really is something bug, and I’ve never said it, but you really are amazing you know that, you are so talented and driven-”

“That’s a lie” she was cut off by Katie, to your surprise the rest of the girls were now standing in the living room, you were so caught up in the moment that you didn’t realise they were there, and by her slight jump neither did your sister. They handed you and your sister some water before sitting down around you two. You looked at Katie, who realised what you were ‘saying’ and continued “Well the never said it part is wrong, the amazing talented part is just straight facts,” you smiled at Katie, “but honestly, I don’t think a training goes by where she doesn’t say something along the lines of you being amazing.”

“Yeah honestly, it’s always like ‘did you see that?’” Viv spoke up before the rest joined in mocking your sister.

“Oh my God, she really is good isn’t she”.

“She might be better than you”.

“That was amazing”.

“I don’t think I was that good at her age, well maybe I was but you weren’t”.

You laughed at your sister’s expense. “But she is not wrong,” your captain Kim said before the room fell to silence, your head lay on your sister’s chest.

“Well, we best get going” Lia states, the others responded with many yeahs before getting up. “No stay,” you quickly spat out whilst they were all gathering their things to leave, you looked up to your sister, who after today’s events melted at your pleading little face, she looked up at the girls who were all looking at her awaiting a response.

“Guys, I mean you’re welcome to stay if you want, we are more than happy for you to stay, but if you have anything important on you don’t have to stay” she sighed.

“What else would we have on?” Kim questioned as they all sat down, someone turned on the TV causing some of them to have a heated argument over what to watch, you would normally be the ringleader in these arguments however today you just wanted to stay in your sister’s comfort, feeling slightly tired. You felt the slight dip in the couch, as someone sat down next to Leah, if anything slightly oddly close, but a familiar sent met your nose and you knew who it was and so you were content, the scent belonged to a person who had be coming over to your house more often recently, you didn’t mind her presence though, she made your sister happy and she could actually cook.

_________________

The sudden knock at the door woke you from your nap, you rubbed your eyes as the girls all looked at you some of them cooing. You heard another knock at the door followed by your sister’s “Oh Shit”.

“What?” one of the girls questioned.

“It’s our parents and the evil twin” you said not bothering to move from you position on your sister, however your position was different to the one you were in before your nap, she must’ve gotten up at some stage.

“I forgot they were coming over,” she said whilst trying to get up, her movement was only to be met with your grumbles. Lia went over and let you parents in. Once they stood in the living room you decided to get up and go greet them.

All the girls said hello to them too before Kim said, “Well we best head off, we will leave you to your family night.”

Your Mum gave Kim a tap on the arm before saying, “no nonsense you girls are welcome to stay, you’re family after all, just in a different way. And plus, Leah clearly forgot we were coming”.

“Oh okay, thank you. We’ve just had a bit of a tough day, most likely why Leah forgot.” Kim stated trying to help Leah’s case.

“Yes, I gathered that, anyone mind getting me up to date” Mum replied.

“I got a senior team call up!” you said excitedly.

“That’s fantastic!” “Well done sweetheart” your parents reply “Well, it’s official I’m the failure of the family” your twin brother joked.

“I’m going to be a Matilda” you said slightly more cautiously, there was a moment of silence, and you were unable to read your parents faces.

“Well, I did always like the Aussies” Your Dad remarked.

“That’s amazing sweetheart” they both pulled you in for a hug whilst looking around the room still a little confused, having a senior team call up wouldn’t be the reason their youngest daughter was fast asleep on their eldest’s lap when they got not, nor does it explain Leah’s guilty face, it wasn’t a I’m sorry I forgot guilty face, it was something else.

“Why don’t I take you to the kitchen, so you can grab a glass of water,” Kim said as they followed her in, whilst they knew where the kitchen was, they knew there was an implied meaning to what Kim had said, and apparently Jacob did too, “Wait for me, I want in on the tea” Jacob yelled running after them.

Jacob came running back in, your parents and Kim following shortly after. “High five” Jacob yelled as you high fived him. “What was that for?” You asked.

“For pissing of Patsy over there” you chuckled at his reply. He insisted on calling you sister Patsy.

“Well, I’m thinking Pizza and maybe a beer in celebration, anyone else?” You Dad asked, everyone in the room cheered.

The rest of the night was spent eating, drinking (one beers each as you all had training tomorrow), watching TV and just chilling. You soaked it all up, the moment, the feeling, the love, as your family, both blood and chosen, celebrated in your honour.

#woso x reader #woso community #arsenal wfc #woso #woso fanfics #leah williamson #awfc #awfc x reader #awfc imagine #arsenal women #matildas #auswnt #woso imagine #lionesses #womens football #woso soccer

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silverwhittlingknife · 5 months

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How would you describe Tim's people skills? Especially when you compare them to Dick's?

Hi anon, this was a fun ask!! I picked out a few panels for each of them (comforting friends, a bit out of sync with friends, fighting with friends, and offering practical support to friends) just to get a quick look at their people skills in action, and then I rambled on about my thoughts on their strengths and their weaknesses.

(Caveat: I'm going to try to focus on my ideas about differences between the two of them, since we're comparing, but I do think they're socially more similar than not, so you might also want to check out @bitimdrake's post on Dick and Tim's similarities for the big picture!)

Short version: I think they've both got good people skills. Dick's are a bit better and more natural, whereas Tim's are more practiced and learned (in ways that sometimes show).

Let's start with Dick first, and then I'll get back to Tim.

Dick

Comforting friends in Titans Secret Files:

Dick: Will you go back in there and sit down? This is my house. You don't need to clean up after me! Donna: I know, I just... I just ... Dick: Hey, hey... what's the matter? Donna: Nothing. It's nothing. Dick (reaching out to supportively grip her shoulders): Donna, this is me here, remember?

A bit out of sync with friends (but still getting along well) in Titans 3:

Dick: The movie runs 98 minutes. So if we fast-forward past the coming attractions and watch only half the credits, I can still make it back to Blüdhaven in time to - Roy: Nightwing, chill. Team morale demands that you relax and enjoy yourself.

Fighting with friends in Titans 13:

Dick: We haven't used it much, Changeling. But that's gonna be different. Starting right now. Our performance against Tartarus and the HIVE was unacceptable. Each and every one of you should thank God you weren't killed. Kory: How dare you? How can you just stand there talking to us like we're a military detachment -

Giving support to relative strangers in Nightwing 87:

Neighbor 1: Oh, he - he's a true gentleman, you know? Always holds the door, or helps me up the stairs with my groceries if we both come in at the same time... Neighbor 2: ...used his motorcycle to jumpstart my car one morning and even got my brother-in-law a job with Wayne Enterprises when he got laid off... Neighbor 3: ...and he's very, very, very nice and doesn't talk down to me. Plus he lets me use his basketball.

Offering practical support (making dinner) in Prodigal:

Tim: I can't believe you can actually cook... Dick: I like to eat. Tim: So does Bruce - but he had to order Chinese last night. Dick: That's where I'm one up on him - I've lived on my own without an Alfred. Still miss him, though... He was good for a lot more than cooking and cleaning. Tim: Yeah. But at least we don't have to miss him on empty stomachs.

Strengths:

I think Dick's people skills are pretty simple: he has them! He's good at people! And I tend to think of Dick's people skills as so automatic they're mostly instinctive. It's not something he really has to think about because it's so ingrained in him. A combination of natural talent plus a childhood spent around sociable performers means Dick's just really highly attuned to the people around him.

And I don't think he's particularly obvious about it. So e.g. you could be having a conversation with Dick where he didn't seem like he was paying close attention, but if there was An Important Moment where you got anxious for a moment or let something important slip or let a bit of anger show through etc. - Dick will have picked up on it, even if it's unconsciously, and it'll stick with him and come back to him later.

And just generally - I think Dick has good instincts for who he can trust and who he shouldn't trust; when he's treading on conversational landmines he'll often pick up the unease even if he doesn't have the context to know why there's a problem; if he's trying to comfort and trusts his instincts he'll often do the right thing even if he can't justify in words why he felt like that was the right thing to do.

So I think for Dick, there's always the level of conscious awareness - the things he's aware he knows, if you will - and the level of unconscious awareness - things he senses, but maybe can't explain, or maybe doesn't want to know so he's suppressing the thoughts.

So he's good at leading, and he's good at comforting, and he's good at listening, and he's good at figuring out the right thing to say...

Like, he's good at all of it, so it's actually sort of difficult to elaborate because there's just not that much nuance? Given any particular interpersonal situation, Dick has an excellent chance of getting a quick read on some random guy he's just met and then getting the reaction he wants pretty fast, whether it's intimidating the guy or comforting him or getting him to cooperate or taunting him until he loses his temper, etc etc etc.

Obviously Dick's not a mind reader, and he can get things wrong, especially when he's in the throes of one of his own personal crises, but generally I think Dick's very very sure-footed with people, even with strangers.

Weaknesses:

This isn't a weakness precisely because Dick's usually doing it on purpose, but he'll sometimes have fights with his friends because they think he's acting overly professional/detached and he thinks they're not being professional enough. So e.g. in Titans 13, you can see Dick's set up the room almost like he's leading a business meeting, and he's the boss lecturing them, and they're reacting by getting mad at him. Part of this is basically a Traditional Bat Problem - Tim's friends also balk because they feel like Tim's keeping them at a distance - but Dick tends to lean especially hard on "I'm The Leader Here So Shut Up And Do What I Say" professionalism / distancing.

When things are going well, Dick's friends may grumble at his intense professionalism but basically appreciate it (this is basically how things go in their reunion in TT vol 2); when things are not going well, though, it becomes a point of tension. Generally, Dick gets extra-professional as a coping mechanism when under stress, as here in TT vol 2 12:

To the extent that Dick falters with social skills, it tends to be almost exclusively with people he knows well, not with strangers. Dick sometimes struggles with maintaining relationships, largely because he's often juggling multiple responsibilities; he'll sometimes get hyperfixated on something and deprioritize his more stable relationships (so e.g. when he gets fixated on trying to fix Blüdhaven and gets distracted from his relationship with Babs).

Somewhat relatedly, if things start going wrong in his own life, he tends to self-isolate out of shame and avoid everyone he thinks of as more put-together. So, for example, in the aftermath of Blockbuster, he's a self-destructive mess who's trying to dodge and/or drive away Clark and Roy and Tim (all people who care about him and would want to help), but Sophia Tevis and Rose are two messed-up young strangers in trouble and their obvious neediness trips his "urgency" meter, plus he may be a mess but they have no context to realize that so he doesn't feel so self-conscious, and he's able to be drive-by super-helpful to them and then dive right back into privately self-destructing.

Also not a weakness per se, but he tends to be a bit of an introvert in general - he and Wally are close, but they go long stretches of time without catching up; when he's spending time with friends, usually it's Donna / Wally / the Titans / Tim visiting Dick rather than the other way around; he's more likely to get cajoled into joining a team than the other way round - Wally talks him into rejoining the Titans and Roy talks him into joining the Outsiders. He likes people and likes spending time with friends, but he's usually not the one initiating a social gathering. He's self-aware about this; in Titans 9, he muses, "It's not the newness that's the problem. The problem is the old stuff. The ruts. You know someone long enough - well enough - and you fall into a rut with them... you completely take the relationship for granted..."

Relatedly, because Dick's pretty self-contained, he has a recurring problem where loved ones interpret him as distant or detached or indifferent even when he's still passionately attached - both Kory and Babs break up with Dick in part because they feel like he's not really that committed to them (also there are mmm Problematic Plotlines involved but I'm ignoring those for the purposes of this post), and in both cases IMO they're misreading him. He's deeply upset by both breakups and responds with big declarations of feeling and, uh, proposing marriage shortly afterward. (Okay, so he's not ALWAYS sure-footed sdfdsfs)

When Dick's getting something wrong, it's usually because he's upset and overcompensating - when things with Kory and Babs are tense, he tries to fix it with Big Gestures; when Vic's mad at him about spying, he missteps with an elaborate secret plan culminating in a big dramatic offering of a new body which Vic does want... but he's still understandably miffed at Dick for making a bunch of decisions behind his back instead of talking to him. Dick guesses right about something Vic will want, but because Dick when he's feeling guilty tends to slide into I-Am-The-Leader, I-Must-Fix-Everything-By-Myself, I-Am-Responsible-For-Everything mode, he forgets that the whole original problem is connected to not respecting Vic's autonomy / right to make decisions for himself, and that a better gesture would be asking Vic what he wants instead of once again making decisions on his behalf without consulting him. (I'm sympathetic to Dick's spying-on-Vic plan on account of how Vic did turn into an evil moon for a bit - comics are bonkers, you guys sdfdsfs - but I'm also very sympathetic to Vic feeling that he deserved fuller disclosure here.)

And you can see similar patterns in lower-key conflicts too: every time Dick gets accused of being just like Batman, it's usually because he's coming off as harsh or detached or uncaring (sometimes on purpose because he's pushing people away; sometimes just because Dick handles grief and fear by shutting down; sometimes because his the-buck-stops-here leadership style can come off as overly-detached), even though Dick actually cares SO SO MUCH, all the time, about everyone he knows.

But honestly... these weaknesses exist, but they're minor in comparison to his strengths?? Dick's a guy with a lot of very strong friendships for a reason. He's true as steel and once he cares about you, he cares about you forever. <3

OKAY! So that's Dick. Let's finally move on to...

Tim

Comforting friends in Joker's Last Laugh 3:

Tim: Babs? Is everything okay? (hugs her)

A bit out-of-sync with friends (but still getting along well) in Young Justice 7:

Cassie: A campout isn't a campout without a real fire. It's no fun at all. Tim: But the generator is far more efficient, Cassie. It's non-polluting, it poses no threat of forest fire, and it's... it's ... (taking in everybody else's expressions, sighing, reversing course) It's no fun at all. Impulse, can you...?

Fighting with friends in Adventure Comics 3 (stonewalling, avoidance, and lying!)

Conner: You weren't picking up. Tim: I didn't know it was you. Conner: I turned off my caller ID blocking. Tim: I was busy. I am busy. Conner: Too busy to talk to your best friend? Tim: Yes. No.

Giving emotional support to relative strangers in Robin 98 / 100 / 156:

Wesley: I just wanted to thank you. They tell us at the meetings that it's important to let people know how you feel. You did a lot for me - making me sober up. If you hadn't taken the time to notice - (Later) Tim: You're gonna stay strong, right? (Wesley: Right.) Tim: You're gonna stay sober, okay? (Wesley: Okay.) Tim: You're gonna do it 'cause - Wesley: 'Cause if I don't you'll come back and kick my butt all over campus. Tim: Uh huh.

(The redhaired guy was about to jump. Tim convinces him to sit down and talk first.) Tim: So, you're in college? Guy: Yeah, I'm a freshman. How'd you know? Tim: Just a hunch. I'm guessing you don't like it much. Guy: I always hated high school. Always felt like I was outside looking in, never part of any group or anything. I was on the diving team but even then I didn't feel like part of it. The only good thing was that was where I met Lori, my girlfriend.

Offering practical support (medical care and tea) in Batgirl 59:

Tim (treating her injury as she shares her traumatic past): Whoa. That's ... horrible. Cass: That's nothing. Stephanie and I used to laugh about - oh... uh... never mind. Wait, Tim. I... I'm so ... stupid, I don't - Tim: You're not stupid. Want some tea? Cass: I ... uh... yeah. Thank you.

Strengths:

Tim! I think Tim's also pretty decent at people - not as good as Dick, but hardly anyone is?

I tend to think of Dick as instinctively good at people, and Tim as more consciously good at people.

Tim spends a lot of time being intentionally watchful: observing, spying, psychoanalyzing people, paying careful attention to what they say, thinking about what makes them tick. (And Tim psychoanalyzes himself, too. Tim is studiously engaged in the study of Tim, and of Tim's friends, and of Tim's family. He's often playing a role, even when that role is "Tim Drake.")

So e.g. in Red Robin, at one point Tim has an elaborate domino-falling database where he's compiled a list of villains he wants to fight and how he wants to fight them, all leading up to a very careful takedown plan for Boomerang where he's thought through and anticipated Boomerang's every move ahead of time... and he's basically right! He gets it all right!

And this kind of intensely-studied logical chess-game of "he will do this for this reason, and then this for that reason, and the other people will respond in this way, like a series of dominos, and I've thought through all the possibilities" is Very Tim to me, and I feel like... this is just the sort of thing that Dick would never ever do?

And mostly Dick wouldn't do it because he wouldn't have to. When Dick's skeptical of James Gordon Jr., he goes to talk to the guy and feel him out, and he ethically feels obliged to give him the benefit of the doubt because there's no evidence against him, but he's got a bad feeling and doesn't trust him and secretly slaps a tracer on him because he's got an instinct he'll want it, and he's right: James Jr. is up to something, and that tracer is exactly the thing that Dick needs.

And similarly if Dick wanted to goad James Jr. into doing something, I think he'd go off and meet him and goad him into doing it, and he'd have an instinct for what to say to make that happen - I think the whole elaborate domino plan that Tim comes up with for Boomerang would feel unnecessarily complex to Dick. Not that Dick doesn't make complicated plans, because he absolutely does, but Dick doesn't usually overthink people.

Similarly, if Dick had been the little kid in Lonely Place of Dying, he'd have gotten worried and gone straight to Bruce and talked to him, not gotten worried and taken photos of Bruce from a distance and then come up with an elaborately overthought plan to go to New York and track down his estranged son and fix him that way. And, like. Kid!Tim's not entirely wrong! He's correctly picked up on a very real and very strong connection between Bruce and Dick even though he doesn't know either of them! And given how little actual information Tim has, this is actually an impressive plan (it's a bad plan, because Tim doesn't know about their fights, but it's an impressively solid plan given that his entire information basis is "watched them from a distance and collected news reports"). But this isn't how Dick thinks about people.

Backing up to a more general point: Tim values people skills really really really highly. I think "uses interpersonal skills to help and comfort other people" is one of Tim's highest values and arguably the highest value - he imprinted on Dick because he was kind, and then imprinted on Batman because he was comforting Dick. And he has six million After-School-Special-style plotlines where he tries to comfort / advise / rescue / etc. people in various stages of emotional distress and who are using bad coping mechanisms. His very first outing as Robin involves talking down a semi-suicidal shooter; the big finale of YJ has Tim talking Secret down from her rampage; he's very gentle when he's comforting his girlfriend after she confides in him about a maybe-attempted-rape; he talks down a suicidal college student in Robin; plus there's the entire concept of "Batman needs Robin" in the first place; not to mention his obsession with the importance of friends; and so forth.

So it's something that he's good at because it's something he values and works at. His people skills are conscious and learned. He does a fair bit of amateur psychoanalysis of other people's problems, and he's generally good at identifying the problems, even if he's not always great at fixing them. And he's often playing a role, or imitating other people, rather than being himself; he invests a lot of time constructing alternate identities; he's often more comfortable wearing a mask. (It is just so typical of Tim that his civilian friendship group is the DCU version of D&D players.)

So his practiced-people-skills work decently well, because he's diligent and he cares a lot, and he's better at people when he's older than when he's younger. And he's extremely good at things he's had a lot of practice with, like meeting new schoolmates, or making small talk, and he's friendly and he likes people, and he's good at learning scripts and following them, and he only tends to misstep when he's distracted or unusually anxious or when he's in a situation where normal social norms don't help. (Of course, since he's a vigilante and not an ordinary person, distracted / unusually anxious / weird situation are all things that happen more often than you might think!)

I also think Tim has a few caretaker instincts that have become automatic - generally he's hyperaware of when people are upset and usually tries to reach out or fix it, and even when he's trying to keep himself at a distance he'll slide into caretaking sometimes - so e.g. there's that moment in Batgirl with Cass when Tim's kinda upset with her for siding with Batman (and distancing himself from other people in general), so he's not intending to get close to her, but also what we see him doing is treating her wounds and then getting her tea. And meanwhile Cass actually wants to reach out, and she's intensely observing him and worrying and wanting to help, but what she actually does is... drink the tea. That Tim got her. While she stays firmly on her side of the couch.

(I tend to think of Cass as slightly similar to Tim but at the very very very beginning of her learn-to-people journey here? Like Tim, she cares!! A lot!! And she's successfully understood that Tim's upset, and she knows when she's put her foot in her mouth. But she's not sure what to do yet.)

Weaknesses:

Tactless! This is a tricky word because I think people sometimes hear 'tactless' and misunderstand it as 'generically rude,' but that's not quite the issue - Tim's quite polite most of the time; his problem is that his default mental monologue is very detached / psychoanalyzing / analytical, including about himself and things he's emotional about. He'll often be analyzing his own emotions even in the process of having them (I also talk about this a little here, though it's mostly a post about Dick and anger), and Tim's also constantly analyzing other people.

This means that if he doesn't edit his brain-to-mouth filter, he can come off as too detached or professional or calculating.

This is obviously similar to Dick's problem of coming off as too detached / professional - again, they're both Bats - but it's not quite the same thing, and I think this distinction is most obvious if you look at the places where they're doing it on purpose and picking fights:

Dick's most likely to pick fights by pulling rank: "I'm the boss, you all fucked up this mission and you better not do it again, shape up or shut up." This is a kind of distancing that's about Dick-the-impassive-boss and you-the-subordinate.

By contrast, Tim's more likely to pick fights via hostile psychoanalysis: "I notice you're being snide about Cass again, but we both know you're actually just mad that Bruce cares about her more than he cares about you." When he's miffed, both his inner monologue and the things he says tend toward 'uncharitable analysis of your emotional weaknesses,' and this is something he periodically directs at Bruce / Jason / Damian. This is a kind of distancing that's about Tim-the-hostile-analyst and you-the-unfortunate-target-of-analysis.

(Caveats: I don't think Tim's above trying to pull rank if he can, but he rarely has the opportunity; Dick's not above jabs at other people's weaknesses when he's very defensive and feeling attacked - junkie, elevator - but IMO he's more likely to pull rank, whereas Tim's jabs are more likely to be wrapped up in insulting psychoanalysis, so e.g. Jason's insecurity is his problem. The Jan Brady of the Batfamily.)

You can see related similar-sounding-but-different issues if you look at some of their respective breakups. So e.g. Dick has a breakup with Babs in which she thinks he doesn't care about her, and Tim has a breakup with Cassie in which she thinks he doesn't care about her. And these breakups are different for six million reasons (among other things, Dick and Babs have a pretty intense romance, whereas, uh, Tim and Cassie have had one date and IMO she's very right that they're better off as friends).

But you also get some useful character notes:

Babs is wrongly anxious that Dick's mostly in love with nostalgia for their past rather than the person she is now (he 100% does love the person she is now!) and she's being unfairly bitchy about Catalina, but she's also correctly noted that he's gotten into the habit of deprioritizing their relationship in favor of vigilante busywork & that he's been a bit pushy in swooping in protectively rather than letting her fight her own battles, so when she's accusing him of being a control freak it's not completely coming from thin air; Dick responds by getting hurt, upset, and direct (he gets furious and punches something, but then makes a big sweet sincere emotional speech to her about how much he cares and values her, albeit one that's so caught up in his own emotions like wanting to "protect" her that he's not slowing down enough to take in her insecurities).

Cassie has correctly realized that dating Tim is a bad coping mechanism and she really needs to just deal with her grief over Conner; when she starts crying, at first Tim moves to comfort her, but when she actually clarifies the breakup, an upset Tim responds by aggressively de-emotionalizing the conversation and pretending he's being totally logical and not emotional about it - he first wonders aloud if he's a bad detective for not seeing it coming and then attempts a bonkers guilt-trip suggestion that it's their duty to date in order to uhhh avoid turning evil in the bad future (sdfsfdsfdsfds sure tim nice try)

This isn't because Tim literally doesn't have feelings, because of course he does! But often, the more upset he is, the worse he gets at clearly expressing those feelings, and the more he intellectualizes them or avoids discussing them.

(Caveat: The trouble with any distinction is that it's easy to exaggerate it in ways that are oversimplified, and I want to emphasize that this doesn't reduce to "Dick always expresses emotions, Tim is never emotional," or anything like that. Dick has a bunch of complicated feelings about the intensity of his emotions because he values control and detachment and often is trying to be more detached (I talk more about this in the context of anger here and here); Tim often retreats to faux-analytical detachment when he's actually very emotional; and these are tendencies rather than one-note 24/7 truths - Dick is completely capable of intellectualizing away his emotions; Tim is completely capable of just getting straightforwardly and directly upset. But if you're looking for broad distinctions, I think it's fair to say that Dick's usually better at directly using his words and expressing his emotions, even if he sometimes feels self-conscious shame about it later, whereas Tim tends to self-sabotage and deflect and hide by producing intellectualized faux-logic instead of just being direct about what he wants or what he's feeling.)

An unrelated issue is that Tim also tends to get intrusive when he's anxious, and it gets worse the more he cares about you. Tim really really really wants to know what's going on and has an intense Need To Help, which generally works out for him - this is the entire reason he pushes his way into the Batfamily! - but it's easy to imagine Tim running into people who might not appreciate his busybody sneakiness; so e.g. secretly stalking your friend because he has a bruise, or running your friend's DNA, etc., is... stuff that all comes from how much Tim cares, but also it involves a very fuzzy relationship with other people's privacy, so Tim's friendships that stick around tend to be with people who find this kind of intense observation to be caring rather than pushy. Relatedly, Tim's version of "be protective" can overlap with "be condescending," which means he tends to get along best with confident people like Bruce, who could punt him into a wall and who thus finds Tim's 'disapproving medic' shtick endearing instead of insulting.

Tim also struggles to connect to people for whom he doesn't have an obvious "script" or who don't respond to his usual scripts. So e.g. offering Gar a "you don't like me but let's be friends" handshake worked; offering Cass a "let's be friends" handshake worked; offering the same thing to Damian did not go over so well; and I think this kind of "it usually works so this is my habit now?" thing is very Tim, and I don't think it's the sort of mistake that Dick would make.

More broadly, because Tim's people skills are conscious and learned - the effort sometimes shows! He stares at people. He secretly spies on them. He pokes around in their secrets. Dick can be paying close attention to you and seem like he's not, so that his awareness seems effortless and less intrusive. I think Tim's awareness tends to be a bit more effortful.

That said, though, I don't think that Tim's intensely-observing-you shtick is necessarily obvious except to people who are fairly socially-skilled themselves. When I write fanfic, I generally write from Dick's POV, and I tend to write Dick being hyperaware of when, say, Tim's observing him, or trying to figure out what's going on with him. But I think of that as more "Dick's good at reading Tim and really aware of being watched, so every attempt at subtlety stands out in neon lighting," and I think to someone who's less good at reading people than Dick is, Tim is a lot subtler.

And I think for e.g. someone like Cass, who really struggles with people skills, Tim seems impossibly and naturally good at interactions in the same way that to Tim, Dick seems incredibly good at it.

#ask tag #dick grayson #tim drake #hi anon this is SO OLD i'm so sorry sdfdsfds #i am very slow & this is very long because i kept adding things to it but this was a very fun ask thank you <3

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Full Audio Transcript (5.21.24)

Hey guys, welcome to I've Never Said This Before with me, Tommy Didario.

If you are not watching 9-1-1 on ABC, you are seriously missing out. The show is so phenomenal that it has been renewed for an eighth season and, my guest today—well, he is phenomenal as well. In fact, he is on my show because of you. I saw all of the tweets, the DMs, the emails—all of it so, like a genie in a bottle, your wish has been granted.

The talented actor Ryan Guzman stars in the smash hit firefighter drama series 9-1-1 and audiences fell in love with his character, Eddie, the moment he debuted in Episode 1 of Season 2. Man, he has become a staple on the show and fans have been rooting for Eddie throughout the years, and Ryan plays each moment of Eddie's journey with such care and vulnerability and truth.

We have a lot to cover today and I have a feeling you're going to really enjoy this fun but also personal and deep conversation. We do dive into some very serious mental health conversations, so after the interview, I will be providing resources for anyone struggling with their own mental health. This is one of the most powerful interviews I have ever done, and I really thank Ryan for opening up in the ways that he did today because I know that he is going to help so many people out there feel less alone.

So, let's see if we can get Ryan to say something he has never said before.

[INTRO MUSIC]

Ryan, my friend, how are you doing today?

I'm good, brother. How are you?

I'm good. I know you have been working your butt off. You were just saying you were filming all night. Are you exhausted or are you on adrenaline right now?

A little mixture of both. I got a little coffee pumped through my system. But yeah, I think I worked six out of seven days this last week. We've been doing around 14, 15 hour days. And I just got off last night around 1.30 in the morning. So got home around 2.30. But we're here. We're here.

Well, you were putting in the work. Congratulations to you on all of the success with this show. It's of course now on ABC. People are loving it. The numbers are going insane. And you've always been a fan favorite from day one. When you had that first scene of you putting that shirt on in slow motion and your body was glistening and Whatta Man was playing, people just fell in love with your character. But that's not just why they love your character. I mean, over the seasons, people have found you so relatable and and really, really are truly invested in the role that you play. Why do you think that is?

I like to say that, I mean, I try to play as grounded as I can, but I think the story itself is just the way Tim Minear writes the character. And I think he's always had a special connection with this kind of character. So, just indebted to how he writes and the connectivity between Eddie and his son. I mean, it's just like it pulls at the heartstrings, you know, and that's always been a fan favorite as well. So, you know, I'm living in gratitude for everything that's been written for that character and I try to do as much justice as I can.

Well, you're nearing the end of Season 7 and past seasons for you have been a bit heavier, a bit more intense. You've really gone through quite a lot of things that we'll touch on a bit later, which I know is also part of the reason why so many people relate to you. Are you enjoying this journey this season?

Yeah, you know what? I haven't really been able to kind of flex my humorous side and just kind of lightheartedness, kind of a vibe about Eddie, and I love that aspect of him. So while everybody else is kind of going through chaos, while Cap is going through chaos, Eddie is kind of, you know, trying to keep everybody together while, you know, Chimney and Hen be going at it during the tsunami and The Poseidon Adventure, Eddie is just, you know, being there for everybody as much as he can. So not to say that he's always going to be happy because Tim always has this thing about saying, you know, if I just let you guys be happy, then there'd be no story. You got to have some kind of drama. Nobody wants to show up just for people smiling all the time. But yeah, we've got some things in store for the rest of the season. And from what we've already shot, I've been super pleased about, you know, this new way of life for Eddie.

Like I said, the things you've gone through are intense throughout the years. Do you have any fear stepping into this role or any anxiety before you had to film some of those more intense scenes? Because it's a lot.

Yeah, you know what? Prior to 9-1-1, I might have had some fears about the depth of a lot of the things that we shot. I honestly didn't really call myself an actor until like maybe three and a half years ago.

No.

Yeah. I thought I was just fooling everybody, trying to get jobs and land the movies that I was getting. And then I think somewhere around the third season, a co-star of mine kind of, like, metaphorically slapped me in the face and said, you know, let's really get into this, man. You got some really good opportunity here. So that's when I started calling myself an actor. But to be honest, the depth of Eddie in the past three, four seasons has been amazing as just a class. It's been class for me. It's been an opportunity to flex these emotions that I don't get to flex in my day-to-day life and to access certain things and see how far can I push Eddie, how, you know, in the scene where Eddie is just losing his stuff and he's breaking everything in his house. Obviously, I've never done it in my house, but how do I get there? How can I allow the audience to feel what I'm feeling? And that task itself becomes a challenge. And I really [like] that type of challenge. So again, living in gratitude for all the little things that Eddie presents that, you know, I haven't really been presenting my own life.

So with that being said, is there a storyline that's particularly special to you for any given reason?

I kind of lean automatically towards the military/PTSD just because I have a cousin who served six tours and, you know, he shared with me—and I actually, oddly enough, during the episode of Eddie Begins, I brought him on as a military tech and he helped out everybody in the production. His name is Randy Hudson. I, you know, I love that guy to death—but, yeah, he's shared with me a lot of his issues that he's gone through and a lot of the obstacles he's gone through in his day to day life and what it's like to be a military vet coming back and kind of assimilating back into civilian lifestyle. So that storyline always kind of held a special place in my heart just because it was very close connected with me and my own family. And I always hope that, you know, I did it justice enough for everybody that has that story ingrained in them.

I think you definitely did. I saw a lot of comments when I announced you as my guest saying that that was a very meaningful part of your journey on this show. I'm so curious, you know, quite often in television it moves so fast, there's always rewrites or so much going on. Was there ever a story that you wanted to come to fruition that never did?

I hated the fact that we killed off Shannon so quick. I know she wasn't a very likable character for so many different reasons, but I always loved working with Devin. So I would love to explore a little bit more with that. But yeah, there's always beauty and chaos a little bit. So I would have loved the relationship, mother, father, parenting style aspect of Eddie's life to be a more explored, but unfortunately that can't happen anymore.

There's always so many things going on. I'm sure it's hard to fit them into each episode, and I'm sure things do have to get cut because major things keep happening episode after episode, one of them being recently, of course, Buck realized he's Bi and that's a storyline everyone's going crazy over. Did you see that coming? Were you like, I think one day this is going to happen for him?

Well, I mean, it's always kind of been in the ether. Everybody, you know, all the fans, you know, have their speculations about Eddie and Buck and, you know, for the longest time, I think Oliver and I again had lightheartedness to it. We always kind of like saw it as like, oh, at least they're so interested in our characters. Thank God they're interested in our characters. They're not ignoring us, and I don't know if either of us had a pinpoint, you know, idea on which character or if any character would actually lead in that way.

But again, all credit to Tim Minear. He's the one that knows the way. So he chose Buck's character to explore that route. And now seeing it happen in front of our eyes, it makes so much sense. And it just the way him, Buck and Tommy are getting together and the way they're exploring their own individuality and personality. It's beautiful to watch. I was very excited to see, you know, that episode specifically, just for the fact that it was such a moment between, you know, a friend and another friend who had held this huge secret. And how do you come out to your friend?

I had a friend, you know—because I know I've had this actually in my own personal life. I've said this in prior interviews—I had a friend who was deadly scared of coming out to me. And I realized that that moment itself wasn't so much the journey for me, you know, it was this hard journey for himself. And all I had to do was catch. I just had to be there for him, and I was like, that moment itself is so beautiful. I can't wait to do that scene. I can't wait to, you know, show the world like this is how you be there for your brother.

Wow, how cool that you could pull from your real life experience and make that scene even more special, which is why I think it came off so incredibly powerful. It really was so cool to see. And the reception has been absolutely incredible in terms of people feeling like, you know, they're seen through that character and it's on prime-time TV. And you don't see a ton of that, which is still kind of crazy. But, you know, and of course, there were some negative comments, which blows my mind. I mean, I'm sure that blew your mind, too, to see that because who cares, right?

Honestly, I've got this now filter for negative comments. They just kind of seep right through and I don't even hold on to anything. So all I've seen is really, really good comments.

And one of the best parts is actually I've gone to work and Oliver himself has been like telling me these stories of people saying, man, I did not have the strength to come out until way later on in my life. So I'm like, oh man, could you imagine 20, 30 years of holding on to this repressed thing and then it just eating away at you and not being able to say anything, even to the closest people and then seeing something on television to inspire you. That kind of thing is just like, whoa, okay, we're doing something much greater, much bigger than us.

He's not the only one inspiring its characters like you because you're showing, you know, what an ally means, and I think that's really cool to see this like macho, cool guy that's just like, cool, like who cares? And that's also equally as powerful and as important. Before we put a pin on this, you know, part of the conversation, you mentioned you never know what the writers are going to do, and I think there were talks at one point of possibly Eddie being the one to come out in some sort of way. Do you laugh and have fun with all of the fandom's obsession with you as Eddie and Buck getting together? Like, is that something you guys always are seeing and hearing? And I know everyone brings it up to you and it's something that's always looming. Like, how do you react to that? Does it ever get tiring for you?

Again, if the fans are interested, we're doing our job. So I love the love. And I mean, unfortunately, I'm not the one that writes it. So it's all up to Tim. But me and Oliver have a really good time with the fact that, you know, people are so invested into these storylines. And in fact, they're so invested, they're creating their own storylines. They're sending us clips and edits and videos. And, you know, every now and then, Oliver will show me something, I'll show Oliver something. Like, did we actually do this in a scene? Because they cut it so well together.

Yeah.

So, yeah, I think at the end of the day, you know, we just love the love. We're here to entertain and tell the truth. If it's true to the character, then yeah.”

[COMMERCIAL BREAK]

You can't predict the future. Nobody can on this show. But if the opportunity one day happened to come your way where they were like, this storyline might be explored between Buck and Eddie, would you be open to that storyline in the future? I see you smiling. I see Oliver had the same reaction, a big ass grin on his face when I asked this.

Yeah, you know, like I said, it's got to live in the truth and I think right now we live in a moment—or me, I live moment to moment—so I love the fact that the biggest plot point between these two characters is one happens to be Bi, one happens to be Hetero, and they have this vulnerability towards each other. And that is the truth to me is it's the fact that you have such a safe space and it doesn't matter your sexuality, that you have a safe space to talk to this individual and he can fully accept you. If we can stay with that, then whatever happens, happens.

But I don't necessarily want to push the fact that because you're vulnerable, you have to be one way or the other in your sexuality. Then I would hate to have a lot of other men who are struggling mentally and not sure about, oh, do I even open up? Because will that make me something that I'm not? I would hate to push that narrative. So if we live in the truth, whatever happens, happens. And again, I'm here for it all.

Whatever happens, happens. That's a nice way to put it. And I agree with you. I think there's power in both. I think there's power in showing a strong friendship that you don't always get to see. And then there's power if something eventually does happen. So whatever happens, happens. I like that, man. What can we expect for the rest of the season with your characters? Anything you can tease? The finale is coming up. We have a couple more weeks. What can we expect?

What can we expect? Well, we can expect that Eddie's smiles might turn to frowns.

Oh no.

Or at least confusion, maybe. We'll start to see, you know, has he gotten past certain traumas? Or is he just kind of pushed them to the side and acting like they're not there?

You know, I have to say a lot of people are still holding on to hope that we're going to get that karaoke scene.

I mean, yeah, we had such a good time playing that karaoke scene, and it was kind of a let down a little bit to know that it wasn't going to be in there. But now, again, looking at the episode itself, as fun as it would be, the main story was Chimney. And the way Kenneth Choi played Chimney, and that episode specifically—I mean, I think he got, you know, performance of the week for that—it would have been a disservice to add, you know, a three-minute scene of us laughing and having a great time and being drunks and karaoke and take away from that performance. So I'm glad that Tim made that decision, and I don't know if he has any plans on showing that later on or whatnot or having some extended clip version, but I can tell you this much, everybody from the cast to the crew to the background had a wild and crazy time doing that scene.

And I think what I just heard you say is you might accidentally drop it on your Instagram very soon.

I might get fired if I do that.

All right. Well, we'll see. I'll talk to ABC PR. No problem. What do you want to see for season eight? Like, are you thinking about the future? Is there like, OK, if I can have my way, I absolutely want to explore blank.

To be honest, there's so much going at us so rapid, so fast paced at this moment. The scripts are getting handed in like quick as can be. So we have a moment's notice to kind of know what we're doing and where we're going with our character. From what I know, from what I've shot thus far, I think next season will literally be a refresh button to Eddie. And starting over in so many different ways, so many new ways in which Eddie has never explored and we've never seen Eddie explore. He'll be on his own in a lot of areas.

Speaking of that, I have to bring up season five, the mental health breakdown, man. That was intense. And a lot of people felt very connected to that. How was it stepping into that scene for you and that storyline? Because it's pretty powerful.

Thank you. Man, that was cathartic, to be honest. It was I've gone through my own mental health issues as far as like, you know, my own depression and anxiety, and, you know, I was raised in an age where men aren't vulnerable and aren't allowed to show feelings. So that kind of repression is like a ticking time bomb, you know, especially for a person in Eddie's life, or his lifestyle. So to kind of relinquish this boundary of who Ryan is and step into Eddie and just kind of just full-on dive deep into these this well of emotion, it was, it was almost like therapy. It was crazy because, you know, from the second they started to say rolling, it's like my—I started to, you know, start bawling and crying, and when Buck comes in and, you know, he's trying to check in on me and the whole room is just all scattered around and I'm losing it—it's just like there was no semblance of Ryan anymore. It was just all Eddie and he was just lost, and that's what it is.

It's like if I were to look at my son, you know, five year old son, that's kind of what we revert back to is just this child that is just so scared and not having any sense of direction and—or hope that anybody will ever love him or ever see him. And it's just these like, you know, existential fears that come out within those tears, and that was my goal to portray that whole scene and then the scene following it. So to get there was just let go, just let go.

Well, the work you did was clearly honest and raw and vulnerable. You can't fake the work that you did in that. And it was really a powerful man for many people to kind of go through that with you and for people who have had their own experiences. And you're right, like, I'm from an old school Italian family. And, you know, you grow up thinking men don't go through that and men don't show those emotions. So to have that on prime-time TV is huge.

Yeah, I hope that helped out a lot of people. I hope that people were actually able to see that and at least, you know, go to their best guy friend, and, you know, I think that's what really needs to happen. As far as men, we need to lean on each other. You know, women have their own issues and they have their certain way of connecting with each other, but there's a special connection that you can have with your brother. And I give so much credit to quite a few of my personal brothers—including my actual brother—for allowing me to run to them in my moments of need, in my moments of feeling lost. And them, you know, being men themselves, not having to say one thing to me.

Or they can just, you know, if they see me in a moment of, you know, deep into a problem, they have the ability to say, well, here's a solution. And since I'm, you know, of like mind, I can be like, okay, you know what? Thank you for giving me some kind of direction. So yeah, I implore all men out there to kind of at least have one or two in your corner, you know, because we can't get anywhere without community.

Absolutely. What have you most learned about yourself through playing this character for so many years? You know, you joined in season two. It's been a lot of years now under your belt. Have you thought about that? Have you learned anything through playing, Eddie?

I've learned a lot through Eddie. I've learned patience. He's a—you know, he has a sense of patience that I didn't have in the beginning even prior to being a father, you know, and then kids itself, they teach you how to be patient. So, yeah, I've learned how to be there as a father. Kind of oddly enough, it was just living as one onscreen prior to actually being one in real life, it gave me, say, practice. I get to practice on television what I get to implore with my own children. And, you know, even if it's the worst thing for Eddie, you know, and I see him doing something horrible, at least I come back home, like, well, that can't happen. I can't do that with my kids. So, yeah, and in so many ways, it's helped me grow as a man, let alone a father.

That's pretty awesome when you can take things away from your job like that and become a better person. I love that so much. Can you believe you've been on the show for so long now? Do you ever think like, damn, that's not normal. That's the rarity in the business. So is that a cool feeling for you?

Yeah, I literally just had that moment yesterday. We were filming a scene, all of us, the whole cast, and I'm sitting outside—I can't tell you the location, that's going to blow something—I'm sitting outside one of the sets and I just had that moment to myself. I'm like, oh my God, I'm actually here. How did I get so lucky to be on not only just a television show, the number one television show out there, where we're in our seventh season and we're creating numbers that people don't even get in their first season? So again, if there's a moment to tap into, let's get into that gratitude again and just be super thankful that I was lucky enough to land this.

[COMMERCIAL BREAK]

That is so cool, and that's why I have no doubt you'll continue having so much success in your career and in your personal life because you keep bringing up gratitude, and it's very evident that's something you lead your life with. And in fact, I saw a recent Instagram post where you give a beautiful tribute to Twitch, and you credit him with being able to form connection with people in your life now and to different things and places, and I thought that was such a beautiful way to show people that you're working on yourself and you're a work in progress and that he helps you kind of open your eyes. So that was a really cool moment for you to also reveal.

Thank you, yeah. Yeah, I believe so much of the world right now is showcasing a polished version of themselves. And to be honest, I did it myself for so long that I've become tired of it, and I would much rather get to the raw—the raw, the unfiltered, the, you know, the mess ups, the, you know—I've stuck my foot in my mouth too many times. I've done, you know, stupid things in my life, and I never want to present myself as a person that does everything great because there's so many things I suck at.

So I think there's an opportunity within that rawness to invite others to become raw themselves, and for us to see that, you know, we're not competing with each other, we're competing with ourself and our own image of ourself and friends like, you know, a brother like, like Twitch, you know, and—not understanding what he was going through and that lack of connectivity that I always, you know, felt but never acted on, which again, I felt imposter syndrome for so long of calling him my brother. It really struck a chord in me and now I can't go backwards. Now I'm propelled forward to be like, is this conversation authentic between us or are we just kind of saying what we have to say just so we can pass on to the next person and create whatever that is? And I'm not here for that. I would much rather have that depth and I'd much rather have that rawness.

Beautifully said and a perfect segue into what I want to finish this conversation with, which is based off the title of the show: I've Never Said This Before. So I'm wondering, is there anything that comes to mind that you want to share today that you've never shared before?

Uh. Huh. Yeah, you know what? I've been thinking about this for so long and there's so many things, you know, that come to mind. One specifically, and I've been hesitant to actually say any of this for so long because, you know, it's been years upon years.

About six and a half, seven years ago—and I've really never said this out loud, especially onto a public platform—I had my own mental health crisis and I tried at one point in time to take my own life. And luckily, it didn't work. Luckily, I got a second chance by the grace of God. And from that moment forward, I've taken each step as an opportunity to erase what got me there and build on what allowed me to live forward. So I would say that that moment itself, in addition to what happened to my brother Twitch, are probably the two biggest fundamental moments of my entire life and have allowed me to have a deeper sense of mercy and empathy towards every individual.

So I would implore that all men renounce this fact of, you know, you're a tough man, you have to hold all this in, but lean on your brother, really lean on your brother. And if your brothers aren't being there in the way they need to be, find some new ones. Because that's another thing, if you don't have the people that are conducive to a healthy lifestyle and you're keeping on to them because of loyalty, let them go. There's plenty of other people. There's people that have been through your situation before that are willing and more than willing, you know, to help. So yeah, that was a big one.

Man, first of all, thank you for sharing something so personal and close to your heart with me today. I feel honored that you did open up and share that. And I'm truly—God, this could be another half hour conversation, so I'll keep it short—but I'm truly grateful that you are spreading that message today for anybody listening because, you know, mental health is a crisis and I think people sometimes look at you, they look at me, they think everything's perfect. We are, you know, in this public space and what can be wrong?

And when you humanize real shit like that, it makes people feel less alone. And you got through it, you realize that wasn't the right way to go about it and your life forever changed for the better, and I'm truly grateful that you put that message out today because you have no idea how many people you're going to be helping with that. And I truly know that that's something that's not easy to get off your chest. And for that, I thank you and I know so many people will be thanking you, and I hope you feel kind of like a little bit of a weight lifted that you share that hopefully.

Yeah, it's kind of hard to understand what I'm feeling at the moment. But I hope in what you said is true. And I hope that, again, I would love to do more for mental health, especially for men, I mean, just in general, to be honest. But yes, I hope that there is a new wave out there that's kind of taking over that we can actually have some cohesiveness and connection, a true understanding of what connection is. Let's revisit that. So this issue isn't a common issue anymore. If we can take that down, then let's do it. I'm here for it.

Beautifully said, and thank you again for sharing that. I could talk to you for hours, especially leaving with that. I think you're such a cool person. And you watch people, I get to talk to people all the time. But this to me was a real conversation, and that's what I value. That's why I have a show called I've Never Said This Before, and I want to talk about the projects that the fans love, but also leave room to talk about things that matter. I don't think there's enough of that. So I truly thank you for hanging out, for coming on, for talking about the fun of 911, which we all love, and it's killing it in every way, but also sharing a little piece of you. I hope you enjoyed the conversation as much as I have.

Thanks for having me, my man. Yeah, I had a great time.

Thank you, and remind everyone where, how, when, all the things about your show.

Yes, please watch Thursdays at 8 on ABC.

All right, and stay tuned for the karaoke scene that you just promised you will be dropping.

Yeah, maybe when I'm fired again.

All right, man, until we meet again, take care.

All right, brother.

#ryan guzman #may 2024 #i've never said this before #transcribed #5.21.24

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