#also...i texted my mom about the fafsa last night to get it out of the way bc my sis wasnt able to find the taxes in my moms apt....bc my

[freesomebodybyluna]

...

[mylifeasavetstudent]

Nerves About Ross

6/22/17

I heard I was accepted 3 weeks ago, but I’m still waiting to hear about whether I start in September 2017 or January 2018. I should know within the next 5-6 weeks - which could give me only 3-4 weeks to get ready and move down there.

Trying to get my thoughts in order, here are some of the logical and illogical things I'm scared about in regard to starting Veterinary School and in regard to moving down to St. Kitt’s. I’m sure some are normal and shared by most students, but I’m sure some are me just being a whiny 23-year old New York girl.

_____________

1) Packing. (Overpacking, underpacking, forgetting). How am I gonna fit everything in two suitcases? I plan to use vacuum seal bags and bring the two biggest overweight suitcases and a carry-on that I can. I just keep thinking about all the bulky stuff - kitchenware, bedding/pillows, shower/beach towels, steel-toed farm boots, shoes/clothes, toiletries, makeup/hair/cosmetics, electronics, books/school supplies. I went away to undergrad college about 30 minutes away and lived on an on-campus dorm/apartment for 4 years. However, I was in a big city, and could easily get anything I needed down the block. I was also so close to home, that I often went home on the weekends, and could pick up anything I needed. Also important to note that I could use Amazon, unlike St. Kitt’s. Every time I moved in/out, it took about 2-3 car loads of stuff!

2) Buying textbooks/school supplies.

I guess I should wait till I get to the island to get books? Do they have a school bookstore? Will other students be selling them? I worry if I wait till I get down there, I won’t be able to find them.

Should I order them in advnace and pack them? I worry this will take up too much space/weight in my suitcase. Should I order them in advance and have them shipped to St. Kitt’s? This would probably be super expensive, and what if they take too long to get there or go to the wrong location?

3) Buying a car (getting license/insurance/mechanics, etc.)

When should I buy a car? Second semester? I’m worried I’ll be taken advantage of and pay a lot of money for a really crappy car. I’m nervous about driving a dangerous car. I’m nervous about going through all the processes of getting a license, insurance, legally buying the car, etc. I love my US car and I’m gonna miss it and hate leaving it at home for a few years! I’m also terrified to find a reliable St. Kitts mechanic, since I’ve heard horror stories about being overcharged and taken advantage of. Mechanics who “fix” your problem, but purposely create more. Criminal mechanics who steal your car and sell parts. Agh.

4) The bus system/traveling.

Super nervous about figuring it out and navigating it while I don’t have a car yet. What if I get stranded in some bad area alone as the sun sets?!

5) Food shopping (bugs, giardia).

I've heard horror stories about food on grocery store shelves being rancid and expired. I’ve been told to check the dates on everything before buying it - even milk and cheeses. I’ve been told about boxes of pasta full of bugs and peanut butter full of worms. I’ve also heard there is giardia and mycoplasma in the tap water? Definitely scared of that. Is this true of bottled water or other drinks?

6) Bugs/centipedes/spiders/ticks.

I am terrified of bugs. The pictures I see of giant spiders, moths, and aggressive, hard-to-kill venomous centipedes in homes/beds/clothes give me absolute nightmares. I’m also scared of ticks and tick-borne diseases due to all the outdoor activity. 

7) Living arrangements.

The uncertainty here is killing me. I know I'll be living in a dorm my first semester, but that’s only 3 months. And will I be living alone? With 2 roommates? 3? How do I apply? I’m nervous to be living alone - but what if I get roommates I hate?

8) Wild animals/monkeys/sea animals/hiking.

Are there dangerous wild animals? What about the monkeys? What about in the ocean? Are there aggressive fish/octopi? Do I need to worry about jellyfish? Sharp sea urchins? I know there are a lot of great hikes - but I'm an inexperienced hiker. Do I need to be scared of animals on the trails? What about tick-borne diseases? What about being robbed/attacked by humans on the trial? Or getting lost in the woods with no cell signal? I don’t even know what clothes to wear or what hiking shoes ARE! HELP.

9) Personal Safety/Being burgalarized.

I’ve heard that as long as you are generally street smart, you should be okay. But I also hear horror stories of native drug deals gone wrong right near St. Kitts students - of guns shots and murders. I’ve heard of armed car jackings, robberies, rapes. I’ve heard of break ins and burglaries. Definitely nervous about personal safety. Even if just my STUFF is stolen - I’m so nervous I'll lose expensive items, as well as personal valuable like photos and class notes. I’m investing in personal property insurance that extends to St. Kitts, as well as external hard drives to copy all my stuff. Do I need to buy a pocket knife or mace or something?

10) Cell phones.

I still don’t really understand this concept. So I can bring my iphone, and simply put it in airplane mode and turn on the wifi? That way I can use iMessage, email, Facebook messenger, WhatsApp, viver, etc. for phone calls/text - but, it will only work when there is wifi around. This way, I won’t be charged an exorbitant amount for international cell service. Should I stop paying for my phone plan?

I’m also told you’re given an old block phone from Ross for calls to other students and businesses on the island. 

11) Massive debt.

Yep. Probably gonna be in $325,000 of debt and start at $40,000 a year while I have clients scream at me about how rich I am and don’t care about animals. 

12) Failing out. 

Definitely scared of vet school being “too hard” and failing out. I know I’m a good student and I’m planning to study my ass off - but this fear is still there.

13) Living on my own.

Like I said, I lived about 30 minutes from my house for four years in undergrad college. I could go home on the weekends, and ask my mom for help with anything. I lived on campus, so I had maintenance and security staff always present. I never lived off campus. I also lived with 1-3 roommates every year, and always shared a bedroom - so I was never completely alone.

14) Making friends and knowing no one.

Definitely a big fear - but everyone else seems to manage it, right? I guess when you’re all in a completely new country with no friends/family, everyone’s a bit more open. 

15) Logistics - setting up a bank account, loans, FAFSA, paying pills, receiving monthly loan allowals, visas, passports, customs, flights, vaccines.

SO MUCH TO DO. 

16) Rabies vaccine

It’s gonna hurt, isn’t it? What other vaccines do I need? Can I get them on the island? Is it cheaper?

17) My dog.

My dog is 13 with CKD. I’m terrified that when I get on that flight, it’ll be my last time seeing her. ):

18) Mail system.

Seems very complicated and expensive. I’ve heard people dig through your personal mail right in front of you. And SO. EXPENSIVE. Also gonna greatly miss amazon.

19) Disease (Zika, HIV, Lyme, parasites - vaccines)

Definitely scared of getting some crazy topical diseases that we don’t have up here in NYC. Definitely scared of parasites - is that gorgeous water there safe to swim in? Not just the oceans/seas, what about lakes? I don’t need some crazy vagina parasite swimming into me or accidentally swallowing some giardia. Or is just the drinking water dangerous?

20) The health system (getting insurance, birth control, allergy shots, hospital visits)

Trying to figure out how to continue my birth control and allergy shots while I'm down there. Apparently my birth control is $4/month over the counter down there. Apparently Ross Health Services can administer my allergy shots, but I’ll have to bring the refrigerated vials down from NYC with me, and have them changed out every 9-12 months. God knows how much that would cost to ship - might be cheaper for me to just fly up and back and get em!

Definitely nervous about the quality of health care and emergency health care down there. I heard chickens roam the hospital. Hoping to get all my general/preventative care done on my breaks back home. 

21) Being okay with “island time” (everything being closed)

I’ve lived my entire life in a busy city - nothing closes, ever. Weekends, nights, holidays - there’s always somewhere I can stop and get food/drinks. Adapting to there being no drive throughs or quick delis to stop into when I had 5 minutes before class is gonna be rough. And so is realizing that by 5pm on a Friday, I’m screwed until 8am on a Monday for any business I need to go to or contact. Especially dreading this with a car breakdown. 

22) Not being able to find things from the US (Certain drinks, snacks, cosmetics)

Again, this is just something I’m gonna have to adapt to - but I will miss it!

23) Deciding when I can afford to go home.

I have no idea if I should go home after every semester? Is that something people normally do? Or once a year? 

From what I'm reading on flight websites: It’s gonna be about a $400-600 flight ($1000-1200 round trip), take about 5 hours (10 hours both way) and need to have 1-2 stops. With the stops, it’ll be about 7-22 hours one way (14-44 hours round trip). Ugh. 

24) Not taking advantage of all the great opportunities/trips available. 

I’m scared I’m gonna be so overwhelmed with classes and exams, that I’ll miss out on some of the great extracuricular activities, clubs, sports, games, hikes, etc. Or the great “vacation” trips abroad available on breaks. 

25) Second semester - rent, laundry, landlords, safety, finding roommates.

Definitely scared of moving on to second semester and out of the dorms where I'll be pressured to find a safe, convenient, cheap apartment. I’ll have to move all my stuff (how? rent a car?), pay bills, pay rent, deal with a landlord, all for the first time in my life. And I’m definitely scared about picking the “Right” roommates to live with. 

26) Restaurant food/native food

How is the food there? I’m unfortunately not a huge seafood fan, but not averse to trying the native food. However - is it safe? Should I make sure I ask for no ice (water parasites)? Is there a possibility of undercooked meat/seafood or spoiled/expired meat/seafood? Is there a possibility of parasites in the food?

27) Hobbies

I’ve been going to school part time and working full time the past year, and I haven’t participated in any of my hobbies in over a year. I love learning foreign languages and I love horseback riding - and I haven't had time (excuse excuse) or money to do either. I worry this will just continue on in veterinary school, as I’ll be even more stressed, and have even less time and less money. Is there even any horseback riding availability down there? I mean, I can’t really pack all my language books (guess I can do a lot online), and I definitely can’t pack all my riding stuff (boots, helmet, clothes, saddle, etc. etc.)

28) Fun one: So when do I change my blog name from mylifeasaPREvet student to mylifeasaVETstudent? I also think I’m gonna start a website blog about life on the island - no only for future nervous students (like me right now) - but for my friends and family to see via Facebook. Don’t exactly wanna share all my tumblr info on Facebook! Best website for a blog?

[onegirlabroad]

Final Thoughts after 41 Days of Traveling Alone

So in total, I traveled 40 days on my own. I travelled by car, bus, metro, plane, train during this trip. I went to Hungary where the official language was Hungarian. I went to Austria and Germany, where their main language is German, the Czech Republic where they speak Czech, The Netherlands where they speak Dutch, Brussels where they speak French and Dutch. I met people from: China, South Korea, Singapore, Canada, Argentina, Australia, Spain, Slovenia, Peru, Israel, Scotland, Ireland, England, Brazil, Switzerland, and of course natives from all the countries I visited. I met people from the states of Texas, Nebraska, California, Georgia, New Jersey, New York, and Washington. I organized every hostel and every train myself. I walked for hours a day at times. I survived on little sleep at times. I bought groceries and cooked it in hostels. I used stoves and laundry machines drastically different from the ones in the states. I ran outside of the constricting lines of comfort zones. If this trip has taught me anything, it’s that I can do anything I set my mind too. I think deep down it’s something I’ve always known but now I have proof of it.

It was also a trip where I didn’t have to ask anybody for permission to do anything. I didn’t have to tell anyone anything. Went to stay out until 4 a.m. Just did it. Planned to take a train. Nobody was expecting me at any specified time. Bought a legal beer. Nobody even asked for my ID. Sheer freedom and independence. Yes, the circumstances were unusual. Sometimes I even think it’s good to have someone that checks for you. My roommate last year and I would tell each other if we were going somewhere or if we weren’t going to be sleeping in the room that night. It’s a way of looking out for each other. But I don’t need that. It’s being an adult. I am an adult. You daydream when you’re a kid about being an adult. And now I am… crazy! It feels good. But I still have the ability to embrace my inner child. Watch the Lion King in Prague, sleep in Vienna in matching spotted pajamas, race up a hill in Prague with someone just for the sake of running.

Now I get to go back to Sevilla, be an adult, and fill out an insurance claim for my messed up phone and fill out my FAFSA for next year’s financial aid. But I will take the good and bad. The boredom of waiting an hour for a train to come and the joy of looking out the window at snowy mountain villages. The Belgian waffle for lunch and salad for dinner to balance it out. A 40 day adventure and insurance claims, tax forms, and a trip to the Ministerio (government) office when it’s over. I will have to cool it down a little bit because I’m still living in a senora’s house this semester which means things like telling someone you’re leaving the house out of courtesy, not taking showers that are longer than 10 minutes (Spain and their water shortages, pft), being home for meal times. But when I get back to the States, I will be living in my first apartment, which is something. And, don’t get me wrong, there is plenty of freedom in living with a host family. While it’s part of the program to provide meals and clean laundry which is something moms typically do, they are not your mom. But still it might be something to adjust to since I have been such a nomad for the past 5+ weeks. I also have to adjust to them in general - because I have a family this semester and I have never met them! But we have texted and they seem very nice. Nothing happened in that situation, it was just a logistical thing. I may even like this more than last semester.

[ghoulleviathan]

youngbloods burning it down

You’re locked in a room with the person you last kissed, what do you do? I mean, not a problem... but sort of a problem. Why are we locked in? Where are the kids? I’d be trying to get out just to check to see if the kids are okay, lmao. What is your current mood? A little stressed, but fine. What are you currently listening to? We Were Here (Tunnel Recording) - LIGHTS. Such good vibes.

Do you like competition? I’m definitely a bit competitive. Has anyone ever called you a bitch? Yeah, it’s happened.

Is there anyone you know that deserves to get slapped? OH YEP. There is... but I have to be nice. What was the last pill that you took? Birth control. Where do you go when you need to just get away? Depends. If I’m the only one with the kids, then I just go into the kitchen and listen to music. If Mark is home/awake, I’ll try to go run some errands. What’s something you really want right now? I want this FAFSA verification to be done so I can just start school. I’m ready to be more than a stay-at-home mom. Do you sometimes wonder what the world would be like without you? Sometimes, yes. If I ceased to exist today, I think my kids wouldn’t really understand at first. I think Noah would notice first, since he’s older. Kameron isn’t old enough to remember me aside from maybe a smell or song triggering a small memory, so I don’t think she’d be affected as much. I know later, they’d wonder why I wasn’t around past a certain point. My family & boyfriend would bear the brunt of the pain.

However, if I hadn’t existed at all... my kids wouldn’t either, and that’s hard to process.

Have you ever had anything expensive stolen from you? No, not really. Do you always answer your texts? If it’s a text that really requires one. What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? Made Kameron a bottle, made sure all doors were locked and lights were off, went upstairs and tried to reason with an 8-month-old about bedtime (it was 12:30am and she was WIDE AWAKE). Would you ever date someone who thought they knew EVERYTHING? I have... sucks. I’ve also been that person, and it doesn’t feel good on the other side either. Do you like your cell phone? Most days, yes. What did you do this weekend? Weekend started today. We’re going to the fair tonight after we drop off Asher, no set plans for tomorrow, and then Sunday, we have Mark’s family get-together, which we get Asher back for. Do you think you can last in a relationship for six months? Sure. Does sex mean love? Oh no, definitely not all the time. Do you remember the first time you kissed the last person you kissed? Yeah, I do. Where was it? On my porch. Did you wake up in the middle of the night last night? Yeah, having a baby means doing that sometimes. Honestly, has anyone seen you in your underwear in the past three months? Yep, constantly being walked in on by kids and Mark alike. -_- Do you think two people can last forever? Everything ends eventually, either through our own design or naturally. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? My mom or grandmother, I think. What was the most memorable thing that happened last summer? Probably trying to help Asher through his mom basically walking out on him again and dealing with the backlash that came with that. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed? Because we’re dating and I can.

[dearmomimissyou]

Sorry I haven’t messaged you in a while, I’ve been busy with class and trying to get my life together and stuff. I don’t know where to start really. So much has happened. I guess I’ll start with Austun. 

I told him the day that I messaged you last that I wanted to divorce. He didn’t really react, so I thought it was okay. He agreed that if that’s what I wanted, then he would be okay with it. He just wanted to wait until January so that he can keep his FAFSA money because his parents make too much and if we divorced then he would have to go off of their taxes for FAFSA again. That was Friday night. Saturday, I went to work and had a panic attack. I texted dad to see if he could pick me up but he never answered so I texted Austun and he said he’d get me if we talked. I was totally fine talking because I still care about him and want him to be happy too. I had a coworker ask our manager if I could leave and she said that I could just sit in the back until I was ready to work again. EVEN THOUGH WE HAD MORE THAN ENOUGH PEOPLE WORKING THAT NIGHT THAT ME LEAVING EARLY WOULD NOT HAVE HURT ANYBODY AT ALL. So I texted Austun that I couldn’t actually leave work early and that I was sorry but we could talk when I got off instead. I ended up waiting about an hour before I could go back to work but I made it through the rest of my shift just fine. Dad called and texted me asking if I needed a ride before I got off, but I decided to call Austun for a ride instead of Dad. When he answered the phone, it was obvious that he’d been crying and when he picked me up he was still kind of crying and it made me start crying too. When I got home, there was a letter he wrote on the bed that was basically his suicide note that talked about how he didn’t know if he could live without me and he’s sorry he just wants me to be happy and not take his death personally and stuff. I broke down and  we talked. Apparently, when I had texted him the first time, he was sitting in his car in the Walmart parking lot after writing the letter about to go in and buy something to overdose on. He thought that I just didn’t want anything to do with him anymore cause of how I just sounded so matter of fact about everything but I just thought that he felt that we weren’t right together anymore either cause he didn’t really react when I told him. I made him walk upstairs with me and I asked dad if he could drive us somewhere for suicide watch and he asked for who and I said Austun. It was like 9 at night so the only place that we could go to was UNI. While Austun talked with them, I decided to call work and let them know that I wouldn’t make it into work tomorrow because my husband is in the hospital because I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to mentally handle working. Denise the Cunt asked me if I had posted my shift online first before just saying that I wouldn’t make it. I told her  that I didn’t because I was in the hospital with my husband currently and she just got all huffy and said that she’d find somebody to take it but to try and come in if I was able to because it’s a busy weekend and blah blah blah. She was just really fucking bitchy about it and it pissed me off really fucking bad. I was already having issues with her because I told her TWO WEEKS before classes started that I could no longer work Tuesdays before 6 pm and she told me to let her know next week because she was going to do the scheduling for two weeks from now next week instead BUT SHE DID IT THAT DAY AND SCHEDULED ME FOR WORK FROM 3pm TO CLOSE INSTEAD. I explained that I couldn’t work that time and she fucking said “I wish you had told me that earlier” I FUCKING DID YOU FUCKING PRICK. Anyway, Austun’s insurance doesn’t cover UNI and they didn’t have any beds open either and apparently no other place did because that weekend was a really busy one, probably because classes start on Monday. The LDS hospital has a thing called the Access Center that’s open every day from 2 to 10 pm and they might be able to take him into inpatient. So we went back home and decided that we would do that in the morning. I woke up at like 12:30 to Austun saying that he’s sorry and goodbye. I shot up and grabbed him and he was going to drive somewhere and kill himself again. He had wrote another note explaining that he just couldn’t make the pain go away and didn’t know if he ever would be able to live with the pain. I made him give me his keys and he wanted to look for his other insurance card in case the LDS hospital needed it. In the process of looking for it, he found the spare key and when we went upstairs to get dad to drive us to the LDS hospital, he hugged me and said goodbye again and I was confused before I realized that he had the spare. I checked his pockets and couldn’t find it because it was too flat to feel in his pockets. I begged him to give me the key and to go to the Access Center to get better. He agreed finally. I sat in the waiting room for about five or six hours because I wasn’t sure if they were going to have a bed for him or not and I wanted to make sure that if he needed a ride home or something that I was there. Luckily, they had a bed open so he was admitted to inpatient. Nemo drove me home and we talked for a bit together and hung out. It was nice. Austun called me later that night to explain that I needed his patient code to be able to visit him and stuff and told me that the visiting hours were every day from 6 to 7 pm. He also asked me to bring him some stuff like flash cards and the Japanese textbook so that he could study. I went with his Mom, sister, and Dad to visit him on Monday. His dad and brother Quinn blessed him because Mormons I guess. After, Quinn left and so did his dad to make sure Quinn could get his stuff from the locker because we couldn’t bring anything in with us. His other brother Brandon showed up with his girlfriend unexpectedly. There’s a limit of three visitors at a time, so Austun’s mom and sister left so they could come in. His brother Brandon used to be a drug addict and Austun doesn’t really like him, or at least didn’t used to like him, but I think talking to him really helped Austun because Brandon has also been in a really bad place like that in life. After they left, Austun and I just talked together. He showed me what he was grateful for the first day in inpatient and it said something along the lines of “That Erica made me go to inpatient and wants me to get better.” Tuesday, I woke up late for class so I didn’t go and I didn’t go to work either because I was just really depressed and didn’t feel like seeing Denise at work. I emailed my teacher with the excuse that my car was broken and I just didn’t call into work. They called me a few hours after my shift started, but I just couldn’t make myself answer. I didn’t visit Austun either because I told him I had work. Wednesday, his dad drove me home and as I was trying to get out of the car, he says that he hopes me and Austun can work it out and that he would hate to lose such a great daughter in law like me and that Mary Lynn, Austun’s mom, also cares and loves me a lot. I just wanted to tell him that it’s none of his business and that I don’t want to have a loveless unhappy marriage like theirs, but I held my tongue and just replied with a half hearted yeah and left. Thursday I went to class and saw Austun again. He asked me if I would go with his mom on Saturday to talk to his therapist and him together. I agreed that I would and told him I wouldn’t be able to see him Friday because of work but that I would definitely go with his mom on Saturday. I ended up calling in to work on Friday like an hour before my shift and just quitting. I talked to Taylor instead of Denise thankfully and she just said thank you for letting her know and that she’d tell Denise when she got back in. Saturday, I found out that Austun was going to go live with his parents instead of staying at Dad’s with me which is fine. His mom dropped us off at the house to pick up stuff and hang out and talk I guess. He ended up texting his friend Cory and he’s staying there instead in his basement because he bought a house back in March. He wasn’t sure if Austun could stay long term because Cory’s wife April’s friend Jill is also living there in their guest room with her two kids and boyfriend, but I guess they agreed that he could stay in the basement so he thankfully has his own place. Unfortunately, it’s really small so he doesn’t really have room for his computer and barely has enough for the tall dresser, but he’s got a place.  

I’m going to make another post tomorrow explaining everything else that’s happened in the past few weeks because this one is really long already.

Love you always.