#although every single part of that is a conscious decision

[mesetacadre]

I'm far from the first person to say this but there is a lot of overcompensating that goes on when communists oppose criticisms of specific communist figureheads. Stalin did not personally order the genocide of millions of people but he also wasn't the sole builder of socialism, nor was he the source of every good policy the USSR implemented. Same goes for Mao, Honecker, Lenin, Castro, etc. I don't think I need to harp on about why it's a remain of liberal historiography and ideology, although that should be acknowledged. Following in the same vein as this other post of mine, it constitutes a conscious and prolongued effort as a communist to adopt class, and more generally, a focus on the collective and processes instead of individual actions as the vehicle of your discourse. The better perspective with which to approach criticisms of a single transistor is to recontextualize it within the whole CPU that it's a part of, if you allow me the metaphor. You hinder yourself when you stoop down to the level of great man theory.

Lenin is a particular example because he tends to be great-manned both from the perspective of people criticizing and defending Stalin. He was neither a pure-hearted libertarian who was betrayed after his death by a conniving Stalin who hid Lenin's thought on him and who arrested/killed every other opponent, nor was Stalin a 1:1 replica of Lenin's positions but in a different stage of socialism. In both of these positions the role of the Bolshevik's party mechanisms and channels are completely ignored, as if it was a simple hereditary mechanism. In a democratic centralist organization, the Congress is the supreme organ of decision, and every office, from General Secretary to the base militant, is beholden to its decisions and has the duty to carry them out, as well as to contribute in its democratic process. Lenin was the Chairman of the Council of People's Commissar, sure, and the de facto "leader". The CPC was a mostly executive office, but like any other organ in the CP, it had a decided political role. The Congress is still the highest organ.

In the 13th Congress, when Stalin was elected to the position of General Secretary, there were 748 voting delegates. It is a misrepresentation of democratic-centralist principles to discount or ignore the vote of these 748 delegates. Lenin, as much as he was an important figure, was not the only politically competent communist, nor the only influential one. Never, even during the tensest months of the civil war or the underground work, was Lenin's criteria followed without criticism or input. He wasn't infallible or without fault, anyone can make mistakes or forget to consider some angles. This is also why Lenin was such a respected leader, because he did not govern alone. Stalin also governed like that, quite famously being skilled at listening to a discussion and being able to synthesize everyone's positions into a logical common ground. I am less concerned with what Lenin, at the end of his life, after two gunshots and a few strokes, personally thought of Stalin's aptness for the position, and more concerned with the opinions of those 748 delegates, all taking into account the discussions that took place in every lower organ of the party. What matters is that the party, democratically, elected Stalin to the position multiple times, and that his responsibility in leading cooperatively were proven competent throughout his tenure. Lenin was not an angel, nor the embodied spirit of revolutionary marxism. He was a very skilled and knowledgeable revolutionary whose words are not the gospel. The achievements made by Stalin's collective leadership (plus the entire party!) and the effective advancement of socialism are much more important than Lenin's opinion, as much as we can respect him. He wasn't clairvoyant

[chelseachilly]

i want your midnights

pairing: reader x ben chilwell summary: sequel to i watched it begin again - a month after your amazing first date with ben, you decide to surprise him by showing up at the same new year's party...only to soon wonder if you made a mistake and misinterpreted his feelings for you? warnings: none word count: 2.9k

author's note: a lot of people asked for a part 2 to begin again so i decided to write this little new year's fic! i planned on getting it done by the new year but life got super busy, so i hope you don't mind it nearly two weeks later haha 💗✨

-

Just over a month after your first date with Ben, you find yourself standing in front of his best friend’s doorstep with shaking hands and your heart thumping in your chest. 

Harvey is hosting a New Year’s Eve party, and although you were invited, you weren’t planning on going until today. You spent the holidays up at your parent’s house a few hours away and were planning on spending New Year’s there as well, but Mia spent the past few days convincing you to come and eventually wore you down. 

Truthfully, the only reason you were hesitant about coming is that you knew Ben would be there. It’s not that you don’t want to see him - quite the opposite, actually. The past month since you started seeing each other has been wonderful. You’ve been on several amazing dates, including a couple that ended with you spending the night. It’s been fun and passionate and exciting and unlike anything you’ve ever experienced before. 

You also haven’t fully defined anything yet, still waiting for the right opportunity to have that conversation. Although you’re certain about your feelings for him, you don’t want to rush into anything after the mess of your last relationship, nor do you want to scary Ben away with asking him to commit too early. 

Which is why you’re now questioning your decision to show up here, and even more so your decision to surprise him. It felt like a good idea when he FaceTimed you on Christmas and seemed disappointed you weren’t coming, so you swore Mia to secrecy, but now that you’re actually here, it’s feeling a bit presumptuous that he would want you to show up unannounced. 

It’s too late to turn back now, though, as the door swings open and Mia and Harvey are pulling you inside.

“I’m so glad you came, babe!” Mia exclaims, hugging you tight. “You look fit as fuck.”

You’re in a little black dress and matching heels, and though you felt good about how you look when you left the house, you’re feeling more and more self-conscious.

“Thanks, you look gorgeous as well,” you smile back at her. “Thanks for having me, Harvey.”

“Of course, Y/N, I reckon Chilly will be thanking me too,” Harvey laughs. “He’s over there somewhere, he’ll be buzzing when he sees you.”

You can feel the blush creeping on your cheeks as your eyes scan the room looking for Ben. You’re not sure if you’re more nervous or excited to see him, but when you finally spot him, you know it’s the latter. He’s standing there in a group of people, smiling and chatting away with a drink in his hand, looking so gorgeous it’s honestly unfair. The same butterflies that have appeared in your stomach from the first time you laid eyes on him and every time since begin to flutter. 

It only takes a few moments for him to spot you over the shoulder of one of his friends, and you watch him do a double take before his eyes widen and a huge grin appears on his face. 

He sets his drink down and jogs over to your group, his eyes never leaving yours.

“Y/N! You came!” he exclaims, and you don’t get a chance to respond before he’s pulling you into a hug.

You hug him back, burying your face in his chest and breathing in his scent. It’s only been a week since you last saw him, but you haven’t stopped thinking about him for a single moment of that time apart. You were trying to enjoy the holiday season and time with your family, but your mind was replaying the sound of Ben’s laughter and the feeling of his kisses all over your body.

“Yeah, my plans changed,” you say with a smile as you pull back to look at him. 

“I’m so happy to see you,” Ben says, his hand lingering on your waist before dropping to his side, and you immediately miss his touch. “Can I get you a drink?”

“Yeah, that’d be great.”

You’re hoping that he’ll whisk you away somewhere for a few minutes, as you’re desperately wanting to kiss him right now but not sure you’re at the stage where you can casually do that in front of loads of people. 

“Vodka soda, right?” Ben asks, and you nod. 

You love that he knows your drink order already, but you can’t help but feel a tinge of disappointment as he walks away, leaving you to chat with your friends.

He returns a minute later with drinks for both of you, passing you the glass and clinking it with his own. 

“Thanks, Ben,” you say with a small smile, taking a sip and hoping the alcohol gives you a bit of courage. 

The four of you chat for a bit, catching up on how all your Christmases were, and you and Ben occasionally meet each other’s gaze and exchange a soft smile. You’ve spent quite a bit of time with Ben by now, but it’s a different dynamic being in a group, even if they are your closest friends. You’re having a nice time, but you’re longing for an opportunity to get him alone - not only to kiss him senseless, but to talk and maybe even define your situation a bit more.

After a while, an upbeat song comes on and you all head to the main living room where most of the partygoers are to dance. It’s fairly crowded and you end up standing close enough to Ben that you can feel his breath on the back of your neck and his chest brushing up against your back. You don’t pull away, enjoying the closeness, but still wishing he would wrap his arms around you properly. 

You turn back to look at him after a minute or two and your heart flutters when you find him looking right back at you. You wonder if he’s also waiting for an opportunity to be alone with you - and then you wonder if anyone would notice if you took him by the hand right now and led him into some quiet corner of the house. 

“Y/N…” Ben begins to say, inching closer toward you, but he’s cut off by a small squeal from behind you. 

You turn to see a rather large wine stain on Mia’s white dress from someone bumping into her. 

“Shit, this was expensive,” she sighs. “And I don’t have anything to change into.”

“You can wear something of mine,” Harvey says quickly, trying to help, but Mia immediately shoots him a glare. 

“Babe, it’s New Year’s, I don’t want to be walking around in your trackies and a baggy t-shirt-“

“Hey, it’s alright,” you interrupt, setting your drink down and grabbing Mia’s hands. “We can get the stain out. C’mon, I’ll help you.”

You abandon the guys to deal with this fashion crisis, gathering the supplies you need in the kitchen before heading upstairs to the bathroom. As you’re blotting Mia’s dress with dish soap and hydrogen peroxide, a trick your mum taught you, she takes the opportunity to interrogate you.

“So, are you finally going to tell Ben you want to make it official?” she asks, raising an eyebrow. 

“Maybe,” you say, a small grin tugging at your lips. “I want to. I’m just still a bit nervous. After everything that happened with Jack, I don’t want to get hurt like that again. And I already like Ben so much, which is terrifying.”

“He obviously likes you a lot too,” Mia assures you. “Harvey says he talks about you all the time, and did you see his face when you turned up earlier? I bet he’s just waiting for you to bring it up.”

“Yeah, I suppose,” you agree, finishing up your removal of the stain until there’s no evidence of the wine spill remaining on Mia’s dress. “There you go, good as new.”

“You’re a lifesaver, babe,” Mia smiles, pulling you into a tight hug. “I’m going to dry this off a bit, but you should go down and spend time with your man.” 

“He’s not my man,” you remind her.

“Not yet!”

You roll your eyes affectionately as you leave Mia to blow dry her dress and head back downstairs to the party, feeling slightly more confident after the chat with your best friend. 

You’re ready to march right up to Ben and finally tell him that you’re ready to make things official, that you haven’t been able to get him out of your head since your first date and that you’re totally, completely falling for him.

As you descend the staircase, your eyes scan the room for Ben until you spot him - talking to an insanely beautiful girl in the corner of the room. 

Your heart drops to your stomach as you see how he’s smiling at her while she squeezes his arm and says something that makes him laugh.

You feel like a complete idiot. 

You shouldn’t have come here tonight expecting him to be waiting around, hoping for you to turn up. You haven’t had any conversations about being exclusive, and he’s a bloody gorgeous footballer who could get any girl at this party. He could’ve invited this girl himself for all you know. 

You just got caught up in the excitement of seeing him and all the feelings that have been swirling around in your chest since you met him, not thinking about the reality of the situation. It’s been a month - an absolutely wonderful, magical month, yes, but only one month. You were a fool for getting so ahead of yourself when, truthfully, you don’t know if Ben even wants a serious relationship. You were under the impression that’s where this was going, but he never explicitly said anything.

With your eyes stinging with tears and a sudden urge to be anywhere but here, you decide to slip out the back door to the small garden behind the house. You know you could just go home, but it’s nearly midnight and you don’t want Mia to see you leaving and spoil her New Year’s too. 

You’ll just have to stand out here, shivering in nothing but your dress, until the clock strikes twelve and you can slip out without raising too much suspicion. Maybe you can get Mia to tell Ben you have food poisoning, or something - it’s less embarrassing than the truth. 

Your mind is racing with thoughts of all the moments you and Ben have shared over the past weeks, all the times you felt in your bones that this was going to be something real. 

As the clock on your phone reminds you it’s creeping closer to midnight, you hear the sound of the back door opening and closing. Assuming it’s someone coming out to smoke, you quickly wipe the tears from your cheeks and plaster on a smile as you try to think of a reason you’re standing out here alone.

Instead, you’re met with the familiar pair of blue eyes that make your heart stop beating for a moment.

Ben.

“Y/N, I’ve been looking everywhere for you!” he says with a small sigh of relief. “What are you doing out here? It’s almost midnight!”

“Just needed a bit of air,” you respond, trying to keep your voice from trembling. 

“Are you alright?” he asks as he approaches you, his eyes filled with concern. “You must be freezing, love, here-“

Before you can respond, he’s already shrugging off his jacket and draping it over your bare shoulders, just like he did on your first date. This time, he lingers afterward and gently tucks a strand of hair behind your ear. The sweet gesture, combined with the way he’s looking at you with such tenderness and admiration, makes tears begin to build in your eyes once more. 

You never should’ve let yourself believe that he would want to be with someone like you. If you weren’t good enough for your shitty ex, how could you ever be enough for someone as wonderful as Ben?

“Love, you’re worrying me, did something happen?” Ben asks, his use of the term of endearment only making things worse.

You take a step back from him, shaking your head.

“I shouldn’t have come tonight,” you murmur. “I mean, I shouldn’t have assumed that you would want me to come. I think I just misread things between us and I’m really sorry that I-“

“Y/N, what are you talking about?” Ben interjects, his face full of confusion. “Of course I wanted you to come. I was so happy when you showed up, where is this coming from?”

“I saw you talking to that girl inside and it seemed like there was something going on, which is totally fine, I know we aren’t exclusive or anything-“

“Shit, Y/N, that was just my friend Hannah,” Ben says quickly. “She’s actually the girlfriend of one of my best mates, you remember Anish?”

Slowly processing his words, you recall briefly meeting Anish when he popped by Ben’s once while you were over. You also remember him mentioning his girlfriend. 

“I’m so sorry you thought something was happening there, I wouldn’t do that,” he says sincerely. “And not just because you came tonight, for the record. I don’t think I’ve actually even properly looked at another girl since I met you.”

Your cheeks flush red, both at his words and the embarrassment you’re feeling for overreacting to the situation. You stare down at your shoes, unable to meet his gaze, until he steps closer to you and gently cups your face, forcing you to look at him. 

“Y/N, I like you so much. You’re the only girl I want to ring in the New Year with, the only girl I want to be with period,” Ben says, stroking your cheek with his thumb. “I’m sorry I didn’t make that clear earlier, I just thought after everything that happened with your ex you might not want to rush into something serious.”

Your heart swells with affection and you reach up to hold his forearm, both for stability since your knees have gone weak and because you need to touch him. 

“I only want to be with you, too,” you whisper, afraid your voice will falter if you speak too loudly. “And I’m sorry I made assumptions. I guess my ex did mess with my head a little bit.”

“Well, he’s a dickhead who didn’t deserve you,” Ben says, making you laugh softly. “But don’t apologize to me. We’ll just be more honest with each other from now on, yeah?”

You nod and smile at him until you’re interrupted by a flurry of activity from inside the house. Through the window, you can see people beginning to crowd together in the living room to count down to midnight. Glancing at Ben’s watch, you can see there’s only a minute left. 

“Do you want to go inside with everyone else?” you ask him.

Ben just smiles and shakes his head. “I’d rather stay out here and celebrate with my girlfriend, if that’s okay with you?”

Your heart races and your breath catches in your throat at his casual statement, the word replaying in your mind from the moment it leaves his lips.

He looks at you a bit nervously, perhaps concerned that you’ll be overwhelmed by this new title, but your lips spread into a grin.

“That sounds perfect.” 

Before Ben can respond, the people inside begin to count down from ten. He pulls you closer by the waist, thumbs rubbing circles on your hips, and you place a hand on his stubbly cheek. 

As the countdown draws closer to the end, you marvel at how safe and content you feel right now in Ben’s arms. You think about how this year was one of the hardest of your life, and how you never could’ve predicted that it would end with you being this happy, with the most wonderful man who taught you how to trust again. Who taught you how to fall in love again, even if it’s a bit too soon to say those words to him. 

“Three…two…one…”

The chorus of people shouting “happy new year!” is muffled as Ben presses his lips to yours, making you melt into him. You wrap your arms around his neck, and he sighs into the kiss when you sink your fingers into his hair. 

When his tongue slides into your mouth, you respond with equal passion, kissing him with everything you have until you’re both left breathless.

When you break apart, Ben rests his forehead against yours. Your eyes flutter open slowly and you’re met with the most amazing sight you’ve ever seen in your life.

There are fireworks above you in every direction, a spectacle of light and colour, but you’re completely enraptured by the blue eyes and gorgeous smile in front of you.

“Happy New Year, love,” Ben whispers, pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead.

It’s going to be a very Happy New Year indeed - maybe the happiest you’ve ever had. And as you lean in to kiss your new boyfriend again and again, you think about how despite all the pain you went through, you wouldn’t have changed a thing about the last one either. After all, it led you to this moment - it led you to Ben. 

“Happy New Year, Ben.”

-

i really hope you liked this part 2! 💙🎆 please feel free to send me an ask or leave a comment if you enjoyed, i really appreciate them!

[abby118]

Watching the Loki series is like watching an endless gag reel. It's so bad it's surreal. Loki doesn't feel like Loki. That's not Loki. It's like we're watching Tom Hiddleston just flail and flop around in a bad suit. He reminds me, (and someone else also pointed this out, I can't remember who), of the Edgar suit in Men In Black. And I can't help but wonder if that was a conscious decision Tom made, to act like a possessed, reanimated corpse? We'll never know, of course, but every time I see video clips and gifs, I just see the Edgar suit and if it wasn't so laughable, I could cry.

I completely agree. I couldn't even get through season 1 tbh. And I'd thought ragnarok was bad and out of character...

My advice would be to avoid it completely. I've got the tags blocked, I don't look at the new content and just stick to the original. It truly makes me so sad for the entire fandom, to see such complex and deeply interesting character destroyed and stripped of his very essence. I've been a fan of Loki and the characters from the Thor movies since 2011 and hyperfixated big time. I won't let some disney bullshit ruin that. It helped me through the hardest times of my life and I see parts of myself in the personalities of the characters, having grown up with it being a safe place. It even inspired me to find interest in the norse mythology despite it being so different. I read numerous books and studies on it and I feel like you can catch little glimpses of it in the original franchise.

Sadly, it feels like Tom is so out of touch with who he is supposed to be portraying. I hope this is the result of a contract and not entirely his own input. Although, I'm worried that might be my wishful thinking.

I was studying the soundtrack of Thor 2 the other day and how much thought went into it and it made me weep internally. Brian Tyler studied the characters' personalities and brought that into what he crafted. It was full of care. He even named one track Lokasenna, which if you don't know, is the name of a poem belonging to the poetic Edda and is about the conflict between Loki and the Aesir (asgardians). I also love how the og Thor franchise had the recurrent theme of light & shadow. Returning back to the brian tyler vid- the theme he was talking about is named Shadows of Loki.

Now, compare it with what we got in the last years (sth that feels like a very badly written fanfic). That is just a single example.

For me, the ending of Thor 2 is the end of canon and I am writing my very extensive continuation. It's the best ending we could have gotten in terms of fanwork because it's an open ending. A still in-character-ending.

The series feels wrong, it feels like utter mockery and I'm not here for it. With that said, my blog is a safe space for everyone who feels like this or gets bullied by the new "fanbase" (yes that happens)

Thank you so much for sharing your opinion, I appreciate it more than you know 🖤💚

[cinnamonest]

Alright let's make one thing clear;

Riddle (from TWST) would 100000% do things that are on the verge of momcon. I doubt he'd do actual momcon (I mean have you SEEN their relationship??) but he'd project it on his darling.

I can see him forcing his darling to dress more like his mom, put her hair up like his mom, do her makeup like his mom, but not act like his mom. HE wants the power in THIS relationship.

10000% would call you either "mom", "mommy", or his mother's name while he noncons you.

Yes omg omg AHHHH he WOULD he is such a Mama's boy, a kind of the same vibes as [this post] from forever ago? He would subconsciously single out a darling that bears some physical resemblance and make you his replacement Mommy :))))

Although he doesn't realize it, it's also where he gets his preferences. It's subconscious; if you asked him if he sought out facial features or traits that resembled his mother, he would scowl, say no, that that is a frankly reprehensible notion.

But anyone who has seen both you and her, well, they can't help but raise their eyebrows a bit at the facial structure similarity. No one says anything to him about it, though, out of fear of invoking his ire. The last thing anyone needs is him getting embarrassed over the realization and going into a pseudo-tantrum over what an absurd suggestion it is that he would ever select for someone based on a facial similarity to his own blood. What kind of pervert would even come up with such an idea? He's just too oblivious to his own self to recognize it.

He sort of tries to make you this... ideal figure, what a perfect mommy to him should have been. Obviously he's a controlling little bastard from the get-go, always, always correcting every little thing you do. But the way he moulds you into a maternal figure is not entirely a conscious decision. He enforces things upon you that just sort of seem right -- that you have to wear this and this in this specific way, that you should hold your posture this way, walk like this, speak more formally in public and more casually with him, and with this sort of tone to each setting respectively... no, it's not in the rules or anything, but there's a sort of well-known propriety to such things, you know? Just because it's not a rule doesn't mean there isn't a very specific and proper way for people to behave and carry themselves and so on, especially for someone in your position, seeing as your behaviors and mannerisms reflect on him.

He doesn't realize to what degree his idea of normalcy and propriety has been shaped by example. That is, his own mom. It's where he gets all of his ideas of proper behavior for anything not explicitly in the rules.

It's not just a matter of forcing you to behave a certain way, either, but also discouraging what he doesn't like. Sometimes you do certain things that don't seem out of the ordinary, that you don't even think would upset him, yet he still seems to scowl. What exactly is his problem with the thing you're wearing? It's not inappropriate, nor does it defy any of the countless regulations you know are imposed upon you... but it just doesn't feel right to him. It's not something she... that you would wear.

And why does he not like this or that part of your speech patterns, the hairstyle or length you have, so on and so on? He couldn't say. He just knows he wants to change it to this specific idea he has in mind. All the while unaware he's subconsciously basically just redesigning you into Mommy 2.0, more or less.

But yes, there's a few things that he does not want you replicating: a sense of authority over him, and that constant, merciless criticism. On the occasion you have been upset with or reprimanded something he does, it makes him unusually, exceptionally uncomfortable and upset, the way he stiffens and scowls. Usually, he's fairly receptive to and humble about criticism (as long as its valid), but you're just not supposed to do that. You're the one person that can't, even if he made a genuine mistake. You're supposed to be the embodiment of tenderness and affection.

If he recreates the setup himself, with you, he can give himself a sort of power he never had with his real mother. It's a very comforting sort of feeling, all the warmth and familiarity, but with none of the fear of failure, none of the anxiety around a single misstep. So when you give him that anxiety anyway, it feels like a transgression, like you've done something wrong, and he can treat it accordingly.

And with you, he's a lot more sensitive to criticism too. Even if you say just the slightest thing, even if its worded very nicely and given to him very gently, it upsets him. He's uncharacteristically petulant about it. He'll cross his arms and scowl, mutter something under his breath, and more or less give you a cold shoulder and silent treatment for the rest of the day. Unless, of course, you make it up to him somehow, namely by apologizing and admitting you were wrong and he was right and he did nothing wrong. If not, the bitterness and hurt can last for quite a while.

As for what he calls you, well. He unfortunately isn't the type of guy who can say something and not realize what he's said, so he does catch himself, face buried against your neck and balls deep inside you.

Mommy...

And he freezes up, stops completely. Stiffens. There's a few moments of silence as he has to come to terms with and process his own words.

That -- I don't --

A slip of the tongue, perhaps. So he tries to pass it off as. However, it's only at that moment that it seems to click, all the dots connect and he realizes what he's done with you, how he's moulded you. The poor thing gets extremely self-conscious, hurries to the library to desperately seek out psychology texts in some desire to find out if there's something wrong with him.

However, he does find said material, which claims that, at least to some extent, this sort of thing is normal... maybe not to the extent he's done it, but, it says something about how men often pursue partners that bear some resemblance to their mothers... so he takes that piece of information and runs with it. Rather, he stretches the concept beyond the point of what anyone else would consider reasonable, and extrapolates it to mean that what he's doing is normal, too.

So now, he can let the anxiety go and not have to feel paranoid that he has some kind of problem, because it's normal, so he doesn't have a problem at all, no. In fact, even if you object in some way, he uses the information to justify and argue the matter from that point forward... so he'll keep calling you what he feels like, thank you very much. Just hope it doesn't accidentally slip when you're around others... that would be the end of him, they'd never let him live that down.

And in truth, somehow the whole thing makes him less anxious around his actual mother, he feels less of an urge to live up to her expectations and is less afraid of upsetting her, now that he's redirected his need for approval and validation to you instead. Although with that gone, he does get a bit more openly resentful, which impacts their relationship negatively a bit... and although he'll have trouble both explaining to you where he got all the clothes from that he comes back with over break, he'll have even more trouble convincing her he doesn't know why hers went missing...

[maygrcnt]

Hey, sorry to come into your inbox like this I just saw something regarding buck and his dating life and I wanted to talk to you about it as I feel like you have pretty (neutral?) view point on his relationships overall. Essentially, the OP was saying how Buck isn’t off his “hamster wheel” in terms of getting into relationships, everyone’s just saying that he is “off the hamster wheel” just because he’s with a guy when this relationship with Tommy is no different than his past relationships with women. (Basically saying people are misogynistic when they say Tommy is a better LI than some of his others). They go on to give these three reasons in to show how that he isn’t off his hamster wheel: “he spent an entire episode acting like an insane person and had no idea of what or who he wanted until tommy kissed him. he had no intention of reaching out to tommy again until eddie literally had to tell him to (twice!). and he's already jumped in head-first by inviting tommy to maddie and chim's wedding before they've even had a single successful date.” Now! Listen. does this fandom have a misogyny issue? yes, especially with buck and eddie’s LI and maybe some people favor Tommy bc of their misogyny but I wouldn’t argue that suggesting Tommy is a better LI than most is inherently misogynistic or at all. Now that that’s out of the way, I find the OP’s reasoning incredibly flawed and reductive - and frankly, dismissive of Buck’s agency and thinking. The “he spent an entire episode acting like an insane person who had no idea what…” This to me is just a wild take because the whole premise of buck acting that way was to show his self discovery? Buck wasn’t consciously aware about this part of himself until the very end of the episode where everything fell into place. The whole point was that he couldn’t explain his feelings or even understand what they truly were. Do I agree with every writing decision in that episode? No I wish they had Buck apologise to Eddie on screen but I think comparing the way Buck was acting in that episode to how he’s been in the past when getting a girl is so different. Next, the “he had no intention to reach out to tommy until Eddie said something.” Um? What? it’s like they missed the part where he said he can’t stop thinking about him but feels like he made an idiot of himself? And again. Are they forgetting that this is all very new for him? Tommy told Buck that he doesn’t think Buck’s ready and I do believe a part of Buck felt that way. It’s not an easy thing to navigate and sometimes you need the encouragement. Idk it feels weird to me personally because they’re acting like Buck lacks any and all agency and had no part in the decision. Even if Eddie said to reach out doesn’t mean Buck had to or 100% would’ve. It was a conscious decision on his part. There’s also different layers to reaching out to Tommy vs reaching out a girl because he was in the midst of discovering this part of his identity. The last point they made is possibly the most logical one and everyone can agree to disagree on the quickness and seriousness of taking someone you recently met as a date to a wedding (at the end of the day, it’s a show!) but overall, I wanna say that Tommy being a guy does absolutely make this situation different. Buck has never been with a man and although his bisexuality has always been a part of him, it’s only something he started to navigate recently. Something he became aware of recently so of course he’s not going to have every single thing figured out. I’m personally neutral on buckyommy as I feel we have to see more of them to really form my opinion but to act like the set up for them is putting buck back on a hamster wheel is just something I do not agree with especially not with the reasons the poster gave. Sorry for giving you so much to read but would love to hear your take on this

okay first of all thanks for putting this in my inbox i think it’s a really interesting discussion. i wanna preface by saying thanks for feeling like im a neutral voice, i feel like im very open and honest that i am not a multishipper and buddie is my ride or die, but i genuinely love general discussion and conversation about the show regardless so i rly hope i never come across as like unwilling to consider things that go against my own personal wants. i want to try my best to give my thoughts here coming from bucks character only and not let buddie thoughts influence it but sorry if i slip there lol

second of all if op of the post mentioned here sees this pls know that this isn’t a personal attack i just like the points that are brought up and i want to give my own take on them! putting under a cut because it got … long

so in terms of the hamster wheel, i think it’s quite disingenuous to the character to say that this relationship is another rinse and repeat. i know as much as we want to claim that being with a same sex partner is no different or has the same implications as buck being with women, it just doesn’t. that’s the simple truth, the fact that he’s trying something new with a man is different and every factor that would normally be considered a part of the evan buckley hamster wheel is now being seen in an entirely different lens because of the factor that it’s a man. his entire world is truly different now, and that’s not to say a queer relationship always has to change someone’s life but it did for evan buckley and this is evident by oliver saying in the zach sang interview that this storyline has quite literally been the endpoint to the six season long arc of buck trying to find what was missing from his life. like it’s a big deal and we don’t have to pretend it’s not.

when it comes to the jealousy, it’s true that this isn’t unlike buck (201, 304, and 408 come to mind as examples of buck doing this in platonic, work, and then romantic way respectively) i don’t think it’s something characteristic of why his relationships don’t work. this is something that is a character trait of buck that we’re finally getting into working on and reasoning with through the relationship with tommy but i truly do t think it’s something that has been the reason his past romances don’t work. abby left because abby is abby, ali set a boundary for her own mental health, natalia was barely there. the only thing i would consider to be bucks irrational jealousy leading to the downfall of his relationship is him kissing lucy but even then there was a lot more going on (cough eddie leaving the 118 but i promised i wouldn’t go buddie mode).

it’s genuinely hard for me to neutrally explain why i think buck didn’t reach out to tommy before eddie told him to but, i think it comes down to the fact that when tommy told him he “wasn’t ready” it very much scooped at an insecure part of buck that believed he was too much for people and buck needed reassurance from someone who’s opinion he really valued to let him know that hey you’re not too much you just have to let people get to know you, and eddie pushed him to be willing to let tommy get to know him.

and then in terms of jumping into things too quickly… i don’t even consider that to be a part of the evan buckley hamster wheel if im so honest. i dont even like to consider abby as part of the hamster wheel discussion because if we’re honest that relationship, from a storytelling perspective was more used to characterize abby than it was buck (bucks storyline is more about the absense of abby after she leavesthan the presence of her during the relationship). ali helped him buy a place but they had been seeing each other for ~six months at that point (i think because most current fans binged season two they forget there was a genuinely large gap between their first date and the loft), and she wasn’t even actually moving in lol, that’s so reasonable to me. with taylor the asking her to move in was crazy and awful of him but NOT because of the timing. at this point they’d had an on again off again thing going for YEARS. it was bad because of the reason. brother was pretending to love her and then kissed another woman and was still gonna let her move in. THAT is why that storyline was shit, not cus of the timing.

PLUS it’s not weird to ask someone to a wedding as a second date. ESPECIALLY not when your date is already friends with half the fucking guests lmao. like i feel like maybe im weird but this specific talking point doesn’t make sense to me. it’s a big deal because buck is essentially coming out to everyone in his world, that’s why it’s big, not because it’s “too fast” for a relationship.

overall, i think this is the exact opposite of the hamster wheel. Buck is putting himself in an uncomfortable situation and seeking out something that makes him feel GOOD, seeking a person who understands who and what he is rather than someone who has to learn to live with his life. a lot of people say that tommy is there to make buck “ready” to date eddie, and while i find this problematic in a few ways when it comes to the sexuality aspect of it, i don’t think it’s entirely untrue from an emotional perspective. if this thing with tommy doesn’t end well, then at least buck now knows he deserves someone who can love him wholly and will have a better understanding of what love looks like for him (regardless of if he see that with eddie or not)

i hope this was interesting and what you were wanting to read anon, thanks for the interesting discussion <3

[my-soul-sings]

ahhh i would love a a sequel!!! would also love to hear your thoughts on artem’s birthday card as well if you’re up for it

ahhhh thanks anon! ok i'll get cracking haha <3

on his birthday card... I think I just didn't get the whole conflict thing. If anyone wants to explain it to me please feel free, perhaps I'm just not understanding this right.

So a couple things:

Firstly, the whole thing about Artem needing help to resign from Themis Law Firm as the cover story didn't make any sense at all lmao. It's not something that a third party like Ellice White can help with since he's literally not in the law firm. And resigning is just something the partner/associate can decide to do on their own. Unless, the issue is whether Artem will be allowed to take his clients with him (since the firm will technically be losing its clients to him if he does that) - but that's not what was mentioned in the story so I really don't know what they were trying to do here. I just don't think this game understands how law firms work? Or maybe something was lost in translation. Idk. But yeah they could have come up with a better cover story than this (eg. needing Ellice White's help to influence the outcome of a case).

Secondly, Artem seems to be concerned about things that aren't actually related: (1) The fact that people around him (including the people he looked up to) could change for the worse and (2) what MC thinks of him (because he was able to play the role of the villain so well i guess).

I mean (1) is fair, although it seems like a very juvenile thing to be upset about at his age. With the things you see as you grow older I think you just kind of accept that people can / will change as a matter of fact, and that many people aren't actually good people (idk as a lawyer I've seen shit and I imagine Artem would/should have as well). So yes maybe someone you looked up to might change down the road but it's also not something he should have to consider because it's all hypothetical. I get being shocked by the fact that eg. Ellice White changed so much, but I can't really see why it would cause such a seismic shift in his mood.

As for (2)... really didn't understand this part because by now Artem and MC have been dating and you'd think he'd know what she thinks of him and his character already?? WHY IS THIS SOMETHING HE'S QUESTIONING AT THIS STAGE. THEY'VE WORKED WITH EACH OTHER FOR SO LONG, IF THE RIGHTEOUS JUSTICE-FOR-ALL SAINT MC THOUGHT HE WAS A BAD GUY SHE WOULDN'T HAVE CHOSEN TO DATE HIM AT ALL. AAAAAAAHHHHHHH. It's like I'm reading a shoujo manga and with the female lead constantly second-guessing the male lead's feelings for her at every single plot point. Did not like this!! And then he was also scared that maybe he might change? That, well, I mean, going rogue is a conscious decision you make and it's hypothetical and just... don't be corrupt..? You'll be fine Artem. Trust me.

And for my last point it's actually more of a question because MC gets shocked when she sees the video interview of Artem when he just won that old case as a young attorney because it's different from what he told her but ??? I didn't get it. At all. I don't even understand how different it was from what he told her. Maybe someone with a full brain can explain this to the half-brained me haha.

So yep. These are my thoughts on Artem's birthday card. If anyone is better able to break this down in a way that makes this story make sense please do share!! But yeah overall I remember being SUPER disappointed with this card story and just annoyed because one of the reasons I like Artem is because he's supposed to be more mature, notwithstanding his hilarious lack of experience in his love life. But the things that he gets worried about in this card story just seem so juvenile and not very well thought out. Feels like the writers just decided to give him an internal conflict for shits and giggles instead of the usual "here's a secret talent you never knew Artem had, now go off on a new, different activity today for this card story" approach. T_T

[papercut-chronicles]

papercuts by gym class heroes (and how it is about a mother-child relationship)

this is my first analysis to be ever put on paper and published! i love to look at details and consider what they can mean, and i’m kinda happy to be doing the first one with a gch song. shoutout to @clubnate for leaving a super simple comment which motivated me a lot to do this, so thank you! i’m also applying they/them pronouns, since the gender of the lyric self isn’t specified.

1) “We met 22 years back / Fresh out the womb / Now she consumes me / No room for self these days”

okay, let’s get some facts together. the official papercuts release date is in 2005, but the song could be written before this year, so it’s acceptable to consider that travie was 22-24 when he wrote the song. 

joining the previous fact to when he says they met “fresh out the womb”, this means the person in question knows him since birth. although it can be an expression for a friend or a relative who knows him since he was little, a mother knows more about their child like no one else could.

2. “And she's so demanding / Do this, do that / Don't forget to take your medicine”

this part catches my attention because of intimacy. yes, you can be intimate with someone who came from a whole different place than you, and it’s okay. but the demanding tone, as written before, is so crucial and connects really well with coming off from someone who is older than the speaker. it also shows a kind of “hierarchy” here, since these are all orders directed to the speaker.

3. “I hate it when her face is invading my head again / The welcome mat reads “please take off your shoes” / But she disregards the statement”

things here start to get kind of interesting. not because only know the feminine pronouns (for the person they’re talking about) are obvious, but the fact that the face of said person is invading their head — meaning that, somehow, they had grown up apart from her. 

for having these illusions of her face in their head, they saw each other at least once or for very short periods of time. so we can be dealing with an absent or a single mother.

4. “I've grown accustomed to bending my beliefs to / Satisfy her needs / But I'm fed up / With plugging cuts everytime they bleed”

these verses show lots of vulnerability, how sensitive this topic is (and since this happens with such ease, this makes me think they are talking to someone they’re closer with). also, can we talk about how the lyrical self reveals that they had been doing this since they were born and how it feels just like a normal habit for them? we can see that it isn’t a healthy environment for them. 

5. “So I dip my pen in the puddle / What a bloody mess its been / Trying to end this struggle”

this is more about the way the speaker responds to the household and their self-destructive attitude than something coming from their mother. you can see that the situation isn’t good, but the lyrical self chooses to hurt themselves even more. it’s also visible that is a conscious decision, even they actively recognize the mess that is being around them as they speak. it’s like seeing something in fire and doing nothing in order to help.

6. “But I love her, / She's the reason for the lesions / Man I love her / I start bleeding when she's leaving”

again, another moment they show themself as someone sensitive (and possibly in a toxic relationship). even despite all the bad things that happened to them in their lifetime by the side of their mother, they still love her no matter what. it’s like they know, deep down, that she has her flaws but still being someone for them to love.

7. “And every scar on my fingertip is a reminder of / All the lessons learned / On my missions to try to find her but / I'll sit alone until she comes back home / And I'll be waiting by the phone”

now, they are conscious of present time and see the marks that she left behind on them. even they try to search her and even learn some things with this journey. but, at the end, they decide to sit alone all by themselves (this is, even without someone they trust) and wait endlessly for her to give any sign of life.

8. “She don't live here no more / I heard she's staying down the street with two dead beat / That don't treat her right with two bad ass kids / Guilt and Regret”

this is a report of a part of their journey to search for their mother. at the address they stop in (which it can be the place they grew or lived the most), they got information about the new life their mother has, with another partner and kids. their names being guilt and regret can be a sign that she never wanted this destiny for herself.

9. “And I'm willing to bet / My last album (that?) she's wishing she was kissing me”

while searching for her day by day, they have a musical career that it’s just in the beginning (as a way to earn money to live). so their last album went kind of popular, since it came to the mother’s ears that the album is from her child, and it makes her wish to be closer to them.

10. “Man the nerve of this bitch / Pardon my French / But it's been 10 days / And I'm getting kind of light headed”

after knowing the new life their mom has, and how easily it seems that she doesn’t miss them, they allow themself to feel. despite the obvious anger inside of them, seeing by the choosing of words they do, they hate to feel like some replaced object. 

11. “Maybe I'll write her a letter in a gentleman's way / And send it with the hopes that she might get it”

you can see the anger and hate is no longer strong here, but it’s obvious they didn’t forget about the things they discovered after so many tries. so, thinking more rationally, they come to the conclusion that writing to her is better than randomly appearing at her new place. 

12. “I can't believe I let her run all over me / But all I think about is / When she's here and holding me”

this writing phenomenon is brilliant in the context, using the present tense to describe things that happened in the past. it can really indicate how bad they miss them, even after all the hell they went through. it’s a double-sided state because they can be missing their mother, specifically, or just feeling the absence of a maternal figure.

13. “I can't complain / I kind of like the pain / She ain't even got a name / She just lives in my brain”

it is indubitable that their childhood (and present life) are full of traumas from the very first minute of breath. so, as a way of trying to deal, they create the image of their ideal mother in their head to fulfill their feelings. things get messier when the dreams mix up with reality, and they seem to deal with it kind of well. also, the absence of basic information (in this case, of a name) can represent how they lack of motherly love.

14. “She says she loves me / But she comes and goes when she pleases / When the door shuts / It's like another papercut / And now I'm stuck with a hand full of bandaids / Until she comes back around like them ceiling fan blade”

“Claims she loves me / But she cuts me into pieces / When I'm sewed up / Here comes another papercut / Now I'm stuck with a hand full of bandaids / Until she comes back around like them cailing fan blades…”

the chorus is more of a summary of the past they had been through, how their mom comes like flashes in their life and how bad this is hurting them until the present days (represented by the moment they’re talking).

15. the ending (bonus)

“She says she loves me but / She really thinks that I’m an asshole

She says she loves me but / My hands are too big

She says she loves me but /  I pick my nose too much

She says she loves me but / She says I never really listen

She says she loves me but / I take too many pills

She says she loves me but / I never pay my bills

She says she loves me but / I wait into the last minute

She says she loves me but / I don’t try hard enough”

i think this lays here, significantly at the end, to act like a vague mention of one time they finally met their mother and talked to her (it isn’t too much important itself, but the speaker shares with us). they show us their mother’s list of excuses to direct all the guilt to them instead of holding herself accountable. they are all nonsense and don’t even connect to the fact that she made a hell of their life and then, left them behind without a single kind of support. not only does it show how much she doesn't care about her child, but how much of guilt-trip she has (and doesn’t mind using it, even if it’s against a child of her).

[asterjennifer]

Mystictober 2022 | Day 29 - Poison

Summary: What is their relationship? A lot of times they cannot define it for themselves and it has consequences.

─────◇◇◇★◇◇◇─────

She's the darkness as established long before she realized what it meant for her soul. He's the light according to the people around him, although he's aware his deeds, or rather the sins kept him glued to the dark of life.

Sometimes they're unsure how to identify themselves; how to call what they were deep down in their hearts. What's their relationship? A common question on her mind and the one thought he's trying desperately to suppress.

Was it love? Others around them seemed to assume it was; some sort of love that's showing wamrth to the outside. Like a facade neither of the two were able to put aside for the lie to stay alive. Did they know it's a lie? Was it a conscious decision to ignore the problems at hand when being together? Perhaps it was.

Perhaps it wasn't, none of them could tell. And if nobody of the others were capable of identifying it differently then it meant they couldn't either. Both figured it's no use trying as the answers occuring when digging wouldn't line up with the believes they polished every single day.

Was it a curse in some twisted, unspoken sense? She couldn't tell if he's truly appreciating her every side that formed her being. He's unsure if she's feeling the love he's holding for her; regardless how paranoid it left his mind. It's as if the glue that held them together was made out of poison.

Unhealthy seek for love's what fate they met on. It's written in their every action for another and sometimes they both got burned out just by the mere thought of continuing the same exact way all eternity. Couldn't they make it better?

She wondered as he felt the question nag at his bones. Couldn't they be the adults everyone saw them as? Be the healthy, lovely couple in the own four walls whenever times became hard? Couldn't they put past the constraints controlling their doing? It felt impossible.

Like that's going to crumble down what they had left; which's each other. She couldn't grow without his light and he couldn't shine it once the shadows left his side. Sun and moon, dark and bright, good and bad defined their days more intensely as time passed on living as a couple.

It's only a matter of time; they both knew once she refused to attend therapy. They held the believes close that whatever happened; they wouldn't part ways. It didn't matter what would wait in the unstable future as long as they got each other. Was that the way to live life?

Or to live their lives in particular? They're ignorant to any other. Making it harder to understand the difference other lovers made by being just sunshine together. They couldn't imagine what it meant to have two bright sides, to have harmony as main focus and the love being split into own lives to live it seprrately as well.

How could they not include each other in every given battle and situation? It seemed normal to keep some sense of independence. Not for them, though. She panted out the shock as her hand trembled, fear caused by her own action.

The blood didn't hold meaning to him, it's just another show of his loyalty. If she needed to express it to the extreme then he would never deny her a wish, he would always give her whatever she desired regardless how nasty it would be for outsiders to consider.

He tried to smile at her in order to calm her panic, depsite the pumping sound lingering in his own ear. He's calm. He felt the smooth of his heart bubble to the surface after taking her shaky hand into his own. Her wide eyes slowly narrowed again until only a small smile remained.

They both smiled and it suddenly made sense. Their love wasn't build the same way and therefore they accepted the shaped form theirs took on now and forever on.

[lifecoachsabina]

Quotes from Gabor Mate:

“All of the diagnoses that you deal with - depression, anxiety, ADHD, bipolar illness, post traumatic stress disorder, even psychosis, are significantly rooted in trauma.

They are manifestations of trauma. Therefore the diagnoses don't explain anything.

The problem in the medical world is that we diagnose somebody and we think that is the explanation.

He's behaving that way because he is psychotic.

She's behaving that way because she has ADHD.

Nobody has ADHD, nobody has psychosis - these are processes within the individual.

It's not a thing that you have.

This is a process that expresses your life experience.

It has meaning in every single case.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So self-acceptance does not mean self-admiration or even self-liking at every moment of our lives, but tolerance for all our emotions, including those that make us feel uncomfortable.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“It’s a subtle thing, freedom.

It takes effort; it takes attention and focus to not act something like an automaton.

Although we do have freedom, we exercise it only when we strive for awareness, when we are conscious not just of the content of the mind but also of the mind itself as a process.’

We may say, then, that in the world of the psyche, freedom is a relative concept: the power to choose exists only when our automatic mechanisms are subject to those brain systems that are able to maintain conscious awareness.

A person experiences greater or less freedom from one situation to the next, from one interaction to the next, from one moment to the next.

Anyone whose automatic brain mechanisms habitually run in overdrive has diminished capacity for free decision making, especially if the parts of the brain that facilitate conscious choice are impaired or underdeveloped.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Learn to read symptoms not only as problems to be overcome but as messages to be heeded.”

[albatris]

avery is my favourite OC because he’s probably powerful enough to destroy the entire multiverse but instead he’s just like “ok but how do I use these powers for the aesthetic”

[acacia-luna-royal]

Guys, I have a feeling that there will be a parallel of scenes from episode 4 and episode 5. I’m talking about this one:

The way Kinn thinks and has probably mulled over all night about the kiss he and Porsche had. There’s disbelief in himself, he literally cannot believe that he did that. It’s shocked him to the core and kind of rattled him. His main concern was that Porsche was okay with it, that he hadn’t made Porsche uncomfortable with the kiss when it was obvious that Porsche was plastered when it happened and Kinn had to make sure that Porsche was okay.

Which is where we see his concern in this scene:

Look at how conflicted he is. The way he began stuttering when he was trying to explain to Porsche about the night of the herbal spirits, catching on to the fact that Porsche doesn’t remember that they actually kissed. He was lost for words because he didn’t want to assume that Porsche knew what he was talking about, he wanted Porsche to be the one to mention the kiss, not him. He was actually giving Porsche control of that conversation, without even meaning to. He wanted Porsche to bring it up, he wanted Porsche to be the one to initiate that conversion about the kiss as Kinn isn’t sure that Porsche would feel comfortable with Kinn bringing it up himself.

This might actually be where Kinn shows a slight submissive side. He wants that conversation about the kiss to happen, he kind of needs it to assure himself, but he wants to do it on Porsche’s terms, he wants Porsche to be the one in control of that conversation, the conversation where Porsche is 100% comfortable with this discussion. Writing this makes me fall in love with Kinn so much more.

Then you have this clip from the Ep5 preview:

There’s confliction, there’s guilt, there’s concern and there’s worry, all within a couple of seconds that you can see evident in his expression. He’ll most likely be worried for Porsche’s physical well-being; if Porsche is in pain, so much that he’s not able to hide it, Kinn’s guilt will only grow and worsen. And if there’s something we all know about Kinn, we know that Kinn hates to see Porsche hurt or in pain or uncomfortable. He’s worried that he’s going to be the reason for Porsche feeling all three and it will eat away at him.

His main concern with the kiss was that he wanted to make sure that Porsche was okay with it, but this time, they’ve gone all the way, and Kinn was 100% conscious of his choice and decisions whereas Porsche wasn’t entirely. Kinn won’t be able to just ask Porsche if he is okay with what happened between them like the last time as he doesn’t know if Porsche will remember parts of the night before or none of it at all. And if Porsche doesn’t remember, but wakes up in pain or feeling sick from the drug, then someone will have to explain to him what happened and the guilt will make it almost impossible for Kinn to do so.

Kinn is someone who likes control of himself as well as everything that he associates himself with. As we learned from Ep4, kissing, sensual kissing means something to Kinn, hence why he doesn’t and will not just kiss anyone. But Kinn kissed Porsche, he took that leap, although hesitant, and kissed Porsche. He initiated it. And the fact that he let himself do that, shook him to the core.

So, the fact that he lost control of himself the night before, giving in to Porsche and going all the way even when he knew that Porsche wasn’t 100% there mentally, whereas Kinn was, will only conflict him mentally and emotionally even more than he already is. Porsche managed to turn every single mechanism in Kinn’s mind and ignite every single chemical in his heart and body to react to his words and touches, and the fact is that it worked: Kinn gave in. Again, he lost control of himself; himself being the one thing he is certain he can properly trust, will only put him in the deep end of a pool that’s he’s trying to figure out how to swim in. As, if Kinn can’t trust himself 100% with his own reactions, he will need to find some way of gaining that control back, but he’ll need to find a way that won’t involve Porsche as Porsche makes him a mess when he is usually tidy. I feel like we might see him try and gain his control with the scene from the trailer where Kinn is touching that guy on his bed, but it’s a different guy from his usual call-boy.

But, I believe there will a parallel between these two scenes:

I won’t be ready for it, obviously, and I will most likely cry but it seems to always be the way when it comes to KinnPorsche, it gives me so many emotions, my brain and heart can’t take them all simultaneously. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed reading, and this is just a guess as I am only talking of what I think Kinn might feel throughout this whole debacle. I hope you have a nice day/evening.

[goffilolo]

black clover thoughts part 5 - the rage edition

It's time for the unpopular opinions:

first of all, i fuckin hate langris. Do I hate him in general? or just the way he was handled? hard to say. but there is something about him that just aggravates me so much that i wanna go ape shit. first of all, the sheer audacity of this bitch is through the roof. He's all like “uwu how dare my older brother move out and leave all the responsibility to me?” i don’t know, maybe because he’s spent literal years putting up with verbal abuse from his parents followed by having to witness his own brother emulate the exact same toxic behaviour, not to mention the fact that he was literally told left and right by everyone, including YOU that he was a failure and a pushover and was no good as an heir, and the moment he’s not an heir it’s suddenly a problem to you? “our parents are kind to me”, bitch your parents’ love hinges entirely on your ability to perform offensive magic and being an obedient puppet you aint got shit to brag about. “if only someone was kind to me like this” GUESS WHAT? YOUR BROTHER FINRAL WAS KIND TO YOU THE ENTIRE GODDAMN TIME, HE DIDN’T SAY A SINGLE BAD THING ABOUT YOU EVEN WHEN YOU TREATED HIM AS NOTHING MORE THAN DIRT. just because you can't handle the fact that your entire self worth is dependant on performing a very specific set of skills/behaviours in order to gain approval of your family doesn’t mean you gotta take it out on finral who actually had the guts to get his ass out of that toxic family and in spite of his terrible upbringing made a conscious decision to remain kind to others. good god, go to therapy you stupid bitch. i honest to god hate the way tabata pulled the whole ‘finral is gonna try and step up his game to get his right as an heir back’. like no, my man aint got nothing to prove to these bitches, he’s too good for them. like why can’t we FOR ONCE have a character come to a realisation that their family aint worth shit and just stop chasing their approval, and yes i am looking an Noelle and the entire Silva drama (and no i don’t care for Nozel’s reasoning, he did a terrible job and him suddenly acknowledging that noelle is a strong fighter does not count as a redemption)

also what the fuck is the deal with golden dawn? the supposedly ‘greatest’ magic knight squad? these assholes barely even count as a squad, it’s just a bunch of classist cunts wearing coordinated outfits trying to pull the rug from under one another at every opportunity. i just fuckin hate them and i hate the way tabata decided to make their ‘approval’ of yuno into some emotional moment as if they haven’t been actively discriminating against him for better part of the year because of his social standing. as a result it also made their defeat at zenon’s hands feel kind cheap? like i know the story was supposed to tell me that i'm meant to be sad that they were defeated and half of them died or some shit, but i just couldn’t care less (also just to make things clear this rant excludes mimosa and klaus, and yes even tho klaus was being a cunt as well he did change his mind - although it was only after fighting by asta’s side but that’s a convo for another time). In general i feel like with the whole golden dawn situation the narrative really did yuno dirty is what i'm trying to say, you know? like he was being full on ‘im gonna get into the best squad’ and it's like you sure did my dude but, at what cost? Meanwhile, Asta who got into the ‘worst’ squad is straight up having the time of his life and once again you could argue that black bulls also barely count as a squad, but that’s because they legit refer to each other as family, and at this point we’re not even having a competition here.

[msjokesgf]

Love Match-Part 9 (Shoto Todoroki x Reader)

Summary: You were hopelessly single. Between working full time and caring for your aging parents, romance was never much of a priority. That is, until your mother suggests seeing a nakodo, a traditional Japanese matchmaker. Curious, you agree, and are matched with none other than Shoto Todoroki, the famous Pro Hero. At first, you think it's a joke, but as you grow closer, you begin to wonder if a marriage between two strangers could really work.

Were you making a mistake? Or had you found your perfect match?

Word Count: 4,830

Ao3 Link | Masterlist

The date was set for late September, about six months from now.

You had your doubts about being able to plan an entire wedding in such a short frame as well as find a house, but the Todoroki family had an important resource that made everything easier: money. Lots of it. Endeavor and Rei generously offered to cover much of the costs as part of their wedding gift, much to your mother’s delight, and Shoto said he would take care of purchasing the house.

If you could agree on what to buy.

“I hate hardwood,” he told the realtor on one of the tours. “Tatami mats are much more comfortable and they don’t stick to the bottom of my feet.”

You just sighed and mentally checked that one off the list while the realtor smiled and nodded along. All the houses you’d seen were beautiful but Shoto found something wrong with each one. At this rate, you’d end up living with his parents anyway.

Not that you would mind. You’d spent a lot of time with Shoto’s family lately, especially his mom. Rei was all about wedding planning. She had lots of ideas and loved listening to yours and your mother’s. Fuyumi even joined in occasionally, which really made you feel like part of the family. After years of being the only child, you were finally going to have a sister, something you always wanted. She too seemed thrilled with the prospect. Growing up with three brothers must’ve been difficult, and Natsuo was for sure not going to go dress shopping with you.

He was the only family member you hadn’t seen since that dinner, where you overheard him and Shoto arguing. It seemed like he rarely came to family events, much to your relief. You got the vibe he didn’t like you much. Not that you were surprised, considering he thought this whole thing was a mistake. Still, Fuyumi and Rei assured you he’d be at the wedding to support Shoto and you would never want to deny him that, for your financé’s sake.

Aside from house hunting, you and Shoto hadn’t seen much of each other. He didn’t take much interest in wedding plans and neither of you had found the time for a proper date. So, one day, you decided to take matters into your own hands. You wanted to ask Rei and Fuyumi to come dress shopping with you and planned to surprise them at home. While you were there, perhaps you could catch Shoto as well and the two of you could go on a date, or maybe even hang out there. All you really wanted was to spend some time alone with him.

You clutched your wedding binder to your chest as you waited at the front door of the Todoroki estate. Usually, Rei or Fuyumi would answer but this time, you were greeted with none other than the hulking figure of Endeavor himself. It took you a moment to get over the shock of seeing him standing there.

“H-hi, Endeavor,” you squeaked out, almost immediately regretting this decision, “Is-is Shoto home?”

He seemed equally surprised to see you. “Um, no, but he will be soon. Why don’t you come in?”

You were self conscious of every movement as you removed your shoes, feeling Endeavor’s steely gaze fixed on you. Despite all your time spent here, you’d never been alone with just him. Normally, Rei was with him or even Shoto, acting like a handler of sorts. Although he was your future father-in-law, you were very intimidated by him. His deep, booming voice, large, powerful figure, and his perpetual scowl weren’t exactly inviting. However, you also felt bad, because he’d been nothing but polite to you and was generous enough to bankroll your entire wedding.

“Is Rei here?” you asked, straightening up.

“No, she isn't. You just missed her,” he replied.

You deflated a bit. What were you going to do now? She was your whole excuse for being here. Plus, now your shoes were off and Endeavor told you Shoto would be back soon. It would be rude to just walk out, and you at least had to try to get used to him. You were going to be his daughter-in-law!

“I’ve, uh, made some tea,” Endeavor offered, rubbing the back of his neck. “Would you like some while you wait for Shoto?”

Oh. “Sure.”

Neither of you said anything as you went to the kitchen, where he poured you a cup of tea. You noticed he was not wearing his comfortable house clothes and wondered if he’d just returned home from work himself. It must be strange, having your dad as a boss, you thought as the two of you moved to the dining room. You laid your binder on the low table, then sat on the floor across from him.

“What’s this?” he asked, eyeing the planner.

“Oh, that’s just my wedding planner,” you replied, sliding it over to him. “You can take a look. I wanted to show a few things to Shoto and I also wanted to ask Rei if she’d like to come dress shopping with me.”

You swore you saw a smile on Endeavor’s face, but it was hard to tell. Regardless, he seemed pleased. “She’d love to go, I’m sure. You know, it means a lot you’re including her in all this. She’s been very happy lately.”

“Well, I’m glad! She’s been such a big help with everything. I didn’t realize how much planning was involved,” you admitted.

“It’s because Shoto set such a short deadline,” Endeavor murmured as he flipped through the pages, occasionally nodding. “You’re very organized. That’s good. My agency could use more people like you, especially since Bakugo made another one of my admins quit.”

“Oh, that’s a shame,” you replied, before taking a sip of your tea. Bakugo was the angry one from the phone call, you recalled. He definitely didn’t seem like an easy person to work with.

Endeavor closed the planner and set it aside with a sigh. An awkward silence settled over the room as you seemingly exhausted every conversation topic. What were you supposed to talk about until Shoto got back? The weather? You checked your phone to see if he texted but there were no new messages. Not that he was expecting you to be here. It was meant to be a surprise.

Endeavor cleared his throat and you looked up. “So, uh, what do you do? For work, I mean. Shoto mentioned your office is near the agency, correct?” he inquired.

You nodded. “Yes, it is, but my work is nothing special, really. It’s just a job, something I do to provide for my parents, not some kind of ‘calling’ like being a Pro Hero is for Shoto or you.”

Suddenly, he looked older than his years. A frown tugged at the corners of his mouth and his broad shoulders sagged, as if he’d taken on some unseen weight. His change in demeanor worried you. Had you said something completely out of line? All you did was mention being a Pro Hero, something both men were clearly devoted to. At one time, Endeavor had been the Number 1 Hero in all of Japan. You figured he would want to tell you more about his job.

Before you could apologize for upsetting him, Endeavor hummed pensively. “Yes, for me, it started as a calling,” he said, in a low, serious voice, “but it eventually devolved into an obsession and I let it consume me. I hurt everyone I loved and not a day goes by that I don’t deeply regret my actions towards my family. As I’m sure you know, it’s taken almost a decade for me to mend my relationships with Rei and Shoto and I’ve come to accept I may never have one with Natsuo. I’m fortunate Shoto’s even let me be a part of this wedding at all. He truly is a better Hero and a better man than I’ll ever be.”

You sat there, stunned and speechless. This wasn’t the kind of conversation you envisioned having with Endeavor. Instead of awkwardly commenting on the weather five different times, he was opening up to you about his life’s greatest regrets under the assumption you already knew about everything he was talking about. It’d been obvious from the beginning, Shoto’s relationship with his father was rather strained. That cold glare he’d sent when Endeavor brought up his own marriage at the matchmaker’s still gave you chills. But Rei? Why had he needed to repair his relationship with her? They seemed like any other middle aged couple. Did it have something to do with that conversation you’d overheard in the kitchen?

You had so many questions you wanted to ask and you genuinely believed he would’ve answered them all truthfully. But you wrestled with your loyalty to Shoto. Was this overstepping some kind of boundary? He was going to be your husband, not Endeavor. Shouldn’t he be the one to tell you about his past, about his feelings towards his family and how you were going to fit into it as his wife? Would he feel betrayed if he found out you’d gone to his father for answers instead of him? That was part of the problem. Shoto didn’t give you answers, only more questions.

“I-I apologize,” said Endeavor, breaking you out of your trance. He bowed his head. “I didn’t mean to make this about me and my regrets. We should be discussing you and Shoto. Please, tell me about yourself.”

Now the subject had been changed to you.

“Oh, please, I’m quite boring, really. Shoto’s far more interesting than I am,” you insisted, looking down at your tea bashfully.

“So, let’s talk about your relationship, then. What was your first date like? Rei and I couldn’t get more than a single word out of Shoto when he came home that night,” Endeavor said.

“Well, it was certainly…eventful,” you replied, picking your words very carefully. “He talked about his job a lot and what he was looking for in a marriage partner, as well as finances and some basic small talk. He was very upfront about how dangerous and demanding Hero work can be, which I did appreciate. The media certainly makes it seem much more glamorous than he described. It made me glad I never pursued that path,” you told him.

You conveniently left out some key details, namely Shoto’s “I don’t expect to fall in love” line, for Endeavor’s sake and your own. Time may have lessened the impact of those words, but they were always there, playing in the background of your mind. Lately, you’d been living in a little bubble of happiness, enjoying your engagement and planning the wedding with your mother, Rei, and Fuyumi, while reassuring yourself that you and Shoto were growing closer. Soon, you would be just as “in love” as your mother had promised and you fiercely pushed away anything that threatened your bubble, especially the memory of Shoto telling Natsuo, “I’m not in love with her.”

“Oh? Did you consider it?”

You blinked. “Huh?”

“Being a Pro Hero. You said you were glad you never pursued it,” he reminded you.

That’s right. You had said that. “When I was a kid, yeah,” you answered. “Teachers always said my Quirk had a lot of potential but around middle school, when it was time to start applying to high schools, I saw how competitive the other students were and I realized I just didn’t want it as much as they did.”

For a moment, Endeavor was silent, as he thought about how to respond. “Your Quirk,” he started, tentatively, “is it heat based like mine? At dinner, you mentioned using it to keep warm sometimes.”

You smiled. “I guess you could say that. My Quirk is called Solar. I can absorb the sun’s energy and then release it, usually as beams from my hands but I also use the stored heat to warm myself.” You blushed a bit. “I’m kind of embarrassed I don’t do more with it. Even Shoto said it sounded useful and had a lot of development potential.”

Endeavor’s eyebrows raised in question. “You’ve…talked about these things.”

“I mean, not in detail. But I think it’s natural to talk about each other’s Quirks, especially if you plan on having children. If you think about it, it’s really no different than wondering what kind of hair or eye color they’ll have,” you replied wistfully. “Besides, Shoto’s Quirk is so unique. I’ve never seen anything like it. Then again, everything about him is unique.”

Were you really gushing over your fiancé right in front of his dad?

Endeavor shifted uncomfortably. “Yes, well, Shoto’s a special case. None of his siblings have Quirks like his. Fuyumi and Natsuo both have ice Quirks similar to my wife’s and Toya had a more powerful version of my fire Quirk.” He sighed before continuing. “Shoto was fortunate to receive resistance to fire and ice, as well as the ability to regulate his body temperature, even when using his power a lot. Overheating is something I always struggled with, and in Toya’s case, it was much worse. Every time he used his Quirk, he burned himself because he inherited Rei’s resistance to ice and cold temperatures. It made him weak to his own flames, and ultimately, they killed him.”

Your eyes widened in horror. That’s what Shoto meant when he said Toya’s body couldn’t handle his Quirk. Poor Rei. You wondered if she blamed herself for passing on that gene.

“What a terrible accident, you breathed.

“No, it wasn’t an accident,” Endeavor said grimly. “It was a suicide.”

A suicide.

“I’m so sorry,” you managed. “I-I never should’ve brought it up. Shoto told me you didn’t like to talk about Toya.”

His expression softened. “Don’t apologize. I’m the one who brought him up. I’m sure Shoto means well but we never want to forget our son or what happened to him. We try to remember him as he was, a playful boy always determined to do his best. I can’t just pretend he didn’t exist. He was my son, my first born.”

You nodded. “Of course not.”

You expected him to go quiet again, but instead, he exhaled and took a drink of his tea. “More than anything, I wish he could be here with us. But let’s focus on a happier subject. It won’t be long until you and Shoto are married and moving into a home of your own.”

You chuckled. “If we can find one. Shoto’s so picky. I’m just happy to even buy a house. I was expecting to live in an apartment the rest of my life.”

“Yes, Shoto can be quite particular.”

“Only about some things,” you added. “As far as the wedding goes, he’s happy to leave everything to me.”

“Well, you have some good ideas. And to be fair, I usually leave matters like this to my wife as well. I just sign the checks,” he replied.

“Thanks, Endeavor,” you said with a smile.

He sighed loudly, clearly exasperated. “Please, you don’t have to call me that. I do have a name. Enji is fine.”

You relaxed a bit. “Sorry, force of habit. All my life you’ve been ‘Endeavor’ to me, this symbol, this larger than life character. And now you’re going to be my father-in-law. It’s a lot to process.”

You’d gotten used to the idea of Shoto as your husband but End-Enji was another matter. He was such a contrast to your own father, big and loud and gruff. How could you ever think of him as another father figure? This was the first time you’d even been alone together. Was six months long enough to build up that kind of relationship?

Enji cleared his throat. “Yes, well, that’s true. When you marry Shoto, you’ll become my daughter. So, if you’re comfortable, of course, my wife and I would be thrilled if you called us ‘mom and dad.’”

You were taken aback, both by his request and the sight of such a powerful man awkwardly fidgeting in his seat, unable to meet your eyes. There was no question you’d refer to him as “dad” just as Shoto would address your parents as if they were his. Yet, Enji looked like you would start berating him for even making such a request.

“Ye-yes, absolutely!” you chirped, sitting up straighter. “If anything, I thought you’d prefer a more formal title. Why wouldn’t I call you dad?”

He looked up at that, his expression unreadable. You stared at him, trying to make sense of all this, of everything you’d talked about.  

“Oh, I just, I didn’t know how Shoto would feel,” Enji mumbled. “I’m probably saying these things all wrong. I’m not good at this type of stuff. I should’ve waited for Rei to get home.”

In a strange way, this endearing awkwardness reminded you of Shoto.

“No, I’d love to call you dad,” you assured him. “And Rei’s been so helpful, I already feel like she’s my second mom. You’ve done so much to make me feel like part of the family. I’ve always wanted to be part of a big family since it’s just been me and my parents for so long. They love Shoto and I’m sure my mother is already introducing him as her son.”

“I’m glad they’re happy about the match,” said Enji. “We’re excited one of our children is getting married.”

“My parents are more relieved, I think. They were worried they’d never live to see my wedding or my children,” you told him. “They’re thrilled I met Shoto. I don’t think they could’ve asked for a more perfect son-in-law.”

“Yes, the nakodo picked well. Rei and I think you’re good for Shoto. We worry about him sometimes, you know? But he’s a good man, and I’m sure he’ll be a good husband. Better than I ever was,” Enji assured.

“I have no doubt he’ll be a good husband,” you said. “I just hope I can be the perfect wife. I have to be everything he wants.”

A look of concern crossed Enji’s face. “Don’t put so much pressure on yourself. No one can be the perfect spouse and a marriage takes two people to work. You can’t hold it all together on your own and there will be struggles. Every marriage has them. So, if you need to…talk or ask about anything, don’t hesitate to come to me or my wife. Nothing is off limits between us.”

Once again, you’d been stunned into silence. Enji was much more open than you anticipated, especially about difficult subjects, ones Shoto had told you not to mention.

“And things could be more difficult when children…”

Enji was cut off by the sound of the sliding door opening. You both looked up and there was Shoto, his face set in a hard expression. He shot his father a cold glare, then went straight over to you. Before you could say anything, he grabbed your hand insistently and tugged you to your feet. They’d fallen asleep after sitting for so long but you tried to ignore the fuzzy sensation as Shoto led you out of the room.

“We’re going to my room,” he announced without looking back. “We want to be alone for a while.”

Your eyes widened at his words and you couldn’t help the deepening blush on your cheeks. He was taking you back to his bedroom? Why? He’d been reluctant to show it to you on the house tour and now he was practically dragging you there. His cold fingers dug into your skin almost painfully as you followed behind, too shocked to say anything.

When you finally reached his room, he opened the sliding panel and hurriedly pulled you inside. Before you could even glimpse the interior, Shoto forcefully closed the panel behind you and pressed you up against it. His eyes bore into yours, icy blue and steely gray, the tips of his bangs brushing against your skin as he loomed over you. He was so close you could feel his warm breath on your face and your eyes flickered to his lips. Was he going to kiss you? Your heart hammered in your chest, so loud you swore he could hear it. You’d never seen this side of Shoto and it excited you in a way you hadn’t felt before.

“What are you doing here?” he demanded, in a low, stern voice, his eyes narrowing.

You blinked. “Huh?”

Shoto backed away and you mourned the loss of his body heat. He crossed his arms and repeated the question.

“Why are you here?” he asked.

You fumbled to find your words. You must’ve completely misread the situation. What you’d mistaken for passion was actually anger but you weren’t sure what caused it. Was he mad at you for coming over unannounced? Had you violated a boundary? Everyone else said you were welcome anytime and in a couple of months, you’d be living together. It seemed ridiculous you couldn’t visit your fiancé without making an appointment but you couldn’t understand what else might’ve set him off.

“I-I came to ask your mom and Fuyumi if they wanted to come dress shopping with me. Sh-she said it was okay to come over whenever a-and I thought, if you were here too, then maybe we could spend some time together. I-I’ve missed you,” you blurted out, wringing your hands together nervously.

He didn’t say anything so you continued talking.

“You know, we haven’t seen each other lately because we’ve both been so busy and when we do go out, we’re never alone. I-I just think it’s important for a couple to have time alone together. I-I’m sorry if I overstepped, I didn’t mean–”

Shoto sighed and the tension left his shoulders. He uncrossed his arms and took your hands in his.

“No, I’m sorry,” he said, looking down at your entwined hands. “I wasn’t upset with you. I was…feeling protective is all. My old man, what was he saying to you? Was he bothering you?”

You shook your head. “N-no, not at all. We were just chatting about the wedding and looking at my planner. He said what a good match we were and what a good husband you’ll be.”

“What does he know about that,” Shoto murmured under his breath. If he wasn’t so close, you wouldn’t have heard it.

“I said I was sorry–”

He squeezed your hands. “You don’t have to be. You didn’t do anything wrong. You’re right, we haven’t had a chance to spend time together. I just figured you were busy with the wedding planning and that’s what’s important right now. You said you brought your planner. Can I see it?”

“Well…” you started, “I don’t have it with me. It’s back in the dining room with your dad.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

After making such a scene, you both felt weird trudging back out there to grab your binder from Enji.

“We can get it later,” Shoto said. “How about we just hang out here for a while?”

You smiled up at him. “Sure.”

He stared down at your left hand, running his fingers over your engagement ring. “You’re wearing it,” he said.

“Of course I am. It’s beautiful,” you breathed. “And it makes me think of you.”

Shoto made a face and it looked like he was trying not to smile, the faintest pink dusting his cheeks. He moved in closer.

“Can I kiss you?” he asked, voice practically a whisper.

“You don’t have to ask,” you replied. “After all, you’re going to be my husband.”

Your eyes fluttered shut and he pressed his lips to yours. The kiss was sweet, but you were suddenly keenly aware of where you were. This was Shoto’s bedroom. You’d never even been in a man’s bedroom before, let alone kissed in one. Your mind wandered to what you’d do in your shared bedroom once you were married.

He broke away and stepped aside so you could take a look around his room. It was pretty sparse and not nearly as messy as he claimed. For a childhood bedroom, it looked like any other traditionally furnished room in the house, save for the futon on the floor and the extensive manga collection. There was also a TV and his laptop was charging in the corner so obviously he spent some time relaxing in here.

“You can sit on my futon if you want,” Shoto said. “I don’t mind.”

It felt weird to just go and sit on his bed but that’s what you did. You’d only ever slept on a mattress before but the futon was surprisingly comfortable and you ended up laying back on it, appreciating the softness of the covers.

“Oh, Shoto, I like this,” you said, sprawling out. “Your bed is so comfy.”

When he didn’t respond, you lifted your head up and saw Shoto staring down at you. He had the weirdest expression on his face and his fist was clenched at his side. You sat upright and folded your legs underneath you, which seemed to snap him out of it.

“Um, yeah, I like futons,” he replied. “I was thinking we would have them in our rooms.”

“Our rooms?” you repeated.

“Well, yeah, with our schedules, it just makes sense for us to sleep in separate bedrooms. I come and go at all hours and wouldn’t want to disturb you. It’s for the best,” Shoto said.

It wasn’t uncommon for couples to sleep in separate bedrooms, especially when one had a crazy schedule and a taxing job. Sleep was very valued and Shoto probably needed a lot of it to function. You didn’t mind the suggestion at all. The only reason your own parents slept in the same room was because you lived in a two bedroom apartment and since they were retired, they kept the same schedule. Just wait until kaasan hears about this.

Shoto grabbed his laptop and sat on the floor, just beside the futon. “I’ve found a few more houses we can look at. There’s a showing at one next week or we could book an appointment with the realtor for a different day, if you want. I could take some time off,” he said.

“Yeah, that’s fine,” you replied, leaning over so you could peek at the screen. “It looks nice.”

He turned his face to look at you and your noses happened to brush. Once more, you found yourself in a particularly intimate position. Without breaking eye contact, he closed the laptop and set it off to the side.

You swallowed thickly. “So, what did you want to do now?”

It took a moment but then his eyes widened, almost imperceptibly, and darted around the room. “Um, did you want to see my manga collection?” he asked, already moving to get up.

“S-sure,” you stuttered, only just now realizing how loaded that question was.

He returned with a few volumes and you spent the next hour or so flipping through them, wondering when you would be able to leave the room and maybe get something to eat. Your stomach audibly growled.

“Are you hungry?” Shoto asked.

You felt a flash of annoyance and closed the volume you were holding. “Yes, and I’d like to get a snack, but somebody had to make a scene,” you replied, pointedly.

He wasn’t phased. “Well, go get it. They left like, half an hour ago.”

“What? How do you know?”

“Used to it. I can hear practically everything in this house,” said Shoto, not even bothering to look up from his manga.

Your stomach growled again and you sighed. Clearly, he wasn’t going to walk you to the kitchen or offer to order takeout so you had to do it yourself. But the thought of rummaging through Rei’s kitchen uninvited was too mortifying and you decided to leave instead. This hadn’t been the visit you expected. There were a few nice moments, sure, but you honestly had more of a connection with Endeavor than your future husband. Is this what married life with Shoto was going to be like?

“I’m actually going to go, Shoto,” you said as you got to your feet. “Thanks for having me over. I’ll just ask your mom about dress shopping at a different time.”

He did at least look up at that. “Oh, okay. Text me when you get home.”

You nodded and slid open the panel. But before you stepped out, you noticed something lying on the floor of the hall. It was your wedding planner. Enji must’ve stopped by and left it there. You bent down to pick it up and glanced back at Shoto. Although Enji mentioned rebuilding his relationship with Shoto, clearly they were still on uneasy terms. What had it been like before, if this is what Enji considered “better?”

-

And now you guys are all caught up with the current chapter! Thank you all so much for the recent show of support on this fic, it really means a lot, especially after a rough March. Hopefully April is much better :)

[jeonqquk]

permission to date | jjk

pairing | jungkook x reader genre | RICHHHH!JK , crack n then angst jskskdk idk it’s super weird , lame attempts at serious shit wc | 996 words summary | the one where jungkook seemingly forgets the fact that adults could make decisions for themselves notes | the irony of the fact that jk is a richboi in the fic but a prisoner in the header✨aNYways i just had to use this title lmao hope you enjoy btw tags weren’t woking, i’ll check it out tmrw morning first!

feedback is always welcome!

“We don’t need permission to date, Jungkook.”

You exasperatedly sigh, lolling your head back onto the couch and take in a deep breath. Beside you, Jungkook is not as relaxed and fidgets on the soft sofa, playing with his fingers which is a habit of his you’ve grown accustomed to. He did this a lot when he was stressed about something, would shift uncomfortably again and again until you asked him what was bothering him.

“Y/n, you don’t understand.” He turns to face you, eyebrows furrowed and you groan, “I don’t need to, Kook. You’re literally a 23-year-old CEO of your own company and don’t know if you’re allowed to date a girl?”

“It’s not that exactly..”

He nods, hesitantly and you can’t help but find his irrational fear funny. You try to stifle but let out a laugh, and watch as Jungkook widens his eyes, scandalised at the prospect of you finding his dilemma even the slightest bit laughable.

“Oh, this funny to you?” He sneers, although there is no malice present in his tone. You play along, teasingly nod and watch his facial features contort from distressed to cheeky. His lopsided grin and twinkling eyes only serve to prove you right further that he was thinking of something.

And that something could never be any good.

Jungkook moves closer to you on the couch, and you eye him suspiciously, unaware of what was going on in his brain.

“Let me give you something to laugh about.” He doesn't give you any time to digest his words before he’s tackling you to the floor, fingers digging into the flesh of your stomach and he straddles you, restricting your movement.

Jungkook tickles you like there’s no tomorrow, certainly giving you something to laugh about as he totally disregards your pleads to stop and keeps going. “Take that.” He’s unwavering as you try to move him away but the force of your laughter has you backing down, hands moving of their own accord to gt aay from his tactics.

You try to catch your breath between the loud laughs, “Jungkook! Stop i- Stop!” He ignores your words, or rather screams, of protest and continues tickling you with renewed vigour. You’re howling with laughter at this point, soft chuckles that were meant to keep your dignity forgotten, hands desperately trying to push Jungkook’s devilish ones away.

“O-Okay! I’m sorry!” You pant out in between the giggling and he pauses, “What’d you say, baby?” When you don’t respond, too busy catching your breath, he resumes ticking your stomach, laughing himself as you thrash around uselessly in his hold.

“I-I said I’m sorry!” You finally manage to get out, still trying to push him off and he finally relents, getting off you and moving to lie down beside you on the carpeted floor.

Jungkook’s white formal shirt is crumpled, both your hair a mess and you blame none other than the man in front of you for that.

“I hate you.” You turn to face him, breathing heavily and he moves a strand of hair away from your face. You shrug him off, resting sideways on your elbow and ask him, “Still don’t know if you can date me?”

Jungkook shuts his eyes, “It’s not that I don’t want to, Y/n, you know that.” You nod. Jungkook and you are practically already dating at this point, you do all the couple-y stuff but the only thing left is making it official to the public.

He’s made it pretty clear to you that he wants to be with you. But, you don’t get why he was so afraid of finally revealing it to the media. He’s had his reasons, you guess, but it had been too long and you wanted answers.

“I really want to tell everyone about us, Y/n, I really do. I just don’t know how the public will take it. You know what’s happened to partners’ of other celebrities because of fans and I don’t want that to happen to you as well.”

His words sink in, and you completely agree with his concerns. If you had been in Jungkook’s place, the same worries would have weighed you down. However, he doesn’t need to worry about others’ opinions affecting you. If there’s one thing he should’ve learn about you after being together for almost a year- it’s that you don’t give two flying shits about what others think of you. It’s safe o say that you’re as independent as a woman could be and you want him to know that you’ll be okay even those around you don’t approve of your relationship.

You want his happiness, only. What others thought didn’t matter in the least to you.

But, Jungkook was different.

He was always so self-conscious, always thinking about what others' would like and doing things the right way. He was raised that way, you couldn’t do anything about it. Jungkook had practically been born in gold, having all the luxuries one could dream of right from the day he saw the world.

He had always been in the spotlight, the media always around him looking for juicy stories. Every single thing he did was being kept track of, and that definitely played a part in his current personality.

It was extremely rare for him to talk about his feelings too, so seeing him like this- addressing his worries was a first.

“I know, Kook, but you gotta know that I don’t care about them. I only want you, only want you to be satisfied.” He looks straight at you, dark eyes holding so much emotion in them. “You sure?” He softly questions, hand coming to rest on yours.

“Are you sure, Jungkook? I know how hard this must be for you and-“ You’re cut off by his lips meeting yours, gently moving in sync. He pulls off with a sweet pop.

“I don’t want anything more than to show my girl off to everyone.”

© intokook | absolutely no reposts/modifications/translations of works tolerated.

[wingodex]

The Old Guard Speech Patterns Analysis

I made a post on the speech patterns of the main characters in The Old Guard, and a lot of people seemed interested in it, so I’ve cleaned up and clarified the rest of my notes. What I’ve looked at specifically here is mostly related to syntax, so grammar and sentence structure. I’ve vaguely looked at pragmatics, which has to do with how context contributes to meaning, and semantics, which deals with the meaning of words, phrases and sentences. I’ve also looked at sociolinguistics, which has to do with the effect of society on language, but I want to be upfront in saying that it’s not my personal area of interest so my knowledge is lacking there. On that same point, I have no formal linguistics training, I’m just into conlanging and everything I know about linguistics is self taught. For each of the characters I’ve talked about contraction usage, colloquialisms, phrases, verb and verb tense usage, ellipses, sentence composition, adjective and adverb frequency, discourse markers and fillers, profanity, vocabulary(ish), and questions.

You can also find all of this on ao3.

Couple of disclaimers to start: while this is obviously a great tool for fic writing, and can help you get a feel for the way that the characters speak in the movie, I’m asking non-Black writers to be very careful about the way you use some of this information when it comes to Nile. When Nile speaks, she uses a lot of colloquial/vernacular language, and while she doesn’t speak AAVE in the movie, her syntax does contain vernacular features. The history of transcribing colloquial language and vernacular dialects—African American/Black English in particular—is racist, classist and ableist. Your decision to write in colloquial language or to incorporate elements of Black English, rather than using Standard English, into Nile’s dialogue can potentially continue a tradition of racial othering if you’re not wary and conscious. Colloquial language in written form is often used to imply a lack of intelligence, a lack of education or a lower class. Be especially considerate of transcribing colloquial reductions like “wanna,” “gotta,” etc. Avoid eye-dialect at all cost, please, I am begging you. In general, the best way to transcribe dialects is through rhythm of prose, syntax, idioms/figures of speech and vocabulary. Even if you rely on those techniques for Nile, I’m still advising the utmost caution due to the complexity of syntax of AAVE and other dialects. For those unfamiliar with AAVE, I go into more detail about it here. If you do decide to use vernacular language for Nile, I’m going to insist you look into copula deletion/zero copula in AAVE outside of this post. It’s usage is very complex and specific. If you decide to use colloquial language for her to really take advantage of the intelligent way that she uses style-shifting in the movie then, at the very least, remember that the other characters (with the exception of Nicky) also use colloquial language frequently in the movie as well. If Nile is the only one in your fic using colloquial language, that’s a problem.

Most of the contextual analysis as it relates to sociolinguistics is based on my own speculation and interpretation of all the data I’ve collected. They contain my own personal biases and are influenced by my own experiences. If you have another interpretation of any of this, I’m absolutely interested in hearing it. Also, there is simply not enough data for any of my observations to be definitive, especially for Joe and Nicky. The two of them combined say around the same number of sentences as Booker, and he only says half as many sentences as Andy. There are literally verb tenses/aspects that not a single person uses in the whole movie. It’s also important to note that I am fallible, and while I do think most of this is accurate, I probably fucked up and missed something or miscounted! More than once! In some cases, I was only able to find one example of something and while I’ve included those observations, they are in no way indicative of a pattern, so don’t view them as strict rules.

I threw around a lot of jargon in this, and there wasn't really an easy way to avoid doing that while talking about most of this stuff. Descriptions are provided throughout the post. I've done my best to define all the more complex and lesser-known concepts, and to provide specific examples from the movie but feel free to reach out if you're unsure about any of it. Basic English grammar things that will be helpful to know to understand all of this post: parts of speech (nouns, verbs, adjectives, adverbs, prepositions, conjunctions, determiners, interjections), clauses (subject + predicate), tense–aspect–mood for verb conjugation (in English we have: past and non-past; perfective, imperfective, and progressive; and indicative, imperative, and subjunctive), phrase structure, auxiliary verbs, phrasal verbs, wh-movement (who, what, when, where, why, how) and sentence sequencing (in English it’s SVO, or subject-verb-object).

On ellipsis: for Andy, Nile and Booker (and Joe, a little bit), the types of ellipses I focused on were mostly the types that you only see in spoken colloquial English. For Nicky, I talked a lot more about further classification of ellipses that do sometimes apply to the other four, but aren’t as noticeable. 

For phrases, I mostly included idioms and expressions to avoid listing every single phrase in the movie. I generally avoided noun phrases (with a few exceptions), and I don't think I mention any adverb phrases. 

For my own purposes, I’ve decided to define fillers as discourse markers without lexical content that are used to indicate that the pause while speaking is only temporary. The rest of the discourse markers use standard classification.

Thank you to both @disregardandfelicity and @youknowthegirls for looking over this post for me!

Andy

Andy uses every contraction for auxiliary verbs and personal pronouns (e.g. I’m, you’ve, it’s, etc). I mean, she actually doesn't in the movie, but she comes so close that I feel confident in saying she would use all the others. The Wikipedia page for English Auxiliary Verbs has a great chart for contractions. Of the characters, she's literally the only one who does this with this level of consistency.

Her contraction usage isn't limited to personal pronouns. She uses contractions with demonstrative, interrogative, relative and indefinite pronouns. She also uses contractions with "there" and "where", and presumably with “when” and “how” although there are no examples of that in the movie. She uses contractions with negative modal verbs.

Andy uses both the simple future and the more colloquial going-to future construction at various points in the movie. She seems to have a preference for going-to future, and the only time she uses the simple future is in her dramatic opening monologue and when she’s trying to reassure Nile. Otherwise, she sticks to going-to construction.

Simple future: “Will this time be the one?”, “Me and those three men in there will keep you safe.”

Going-to future: “And you’re going to help us.”

Andy also typically uses the colloquialism “gonna” when using going-to future construction. When she uses “going to” instead, it’s during moments of sincerity. As mentioned, she also iconically uses them both in the same sentence.

"I knew this was gonna happen", "You think knowing is gonna make you sleep better at night?"

“You’re not a Marine anymore. They’re going to lock you up.”, “When we leave a footprint in the sand, in the snow, in the ether, you’re going to sweep it.”

“You’re going to protect us from those who want to put us in cages, and you’re gonna help us find those jobs that are best suited to us.”

Andy uses the verb “have” and the phrasal verb “have got” interchangeably, and with no real pattern. Important note: I am only referring to the verb “to have” in the present tense, not when "have" is used as an auxiliary. She doesn’t seem to use “have got” in the negative (i.e. “haven’t got” vs “don’t have”).

“We have to find Copley.”, “I have the new one.”

“You’ve got blood in your hair.” “He’s got Joe and Nicky.”

“We don’t have all the answers, but we do have purpose.”

Andy also uses the colloquialism “gotta” in sentences where she uses “have got” with the infinitive “to”. When she does this, she usually uses contracted have/has. Occasionally she drops the auxiliary.

"You’ve gotta feel it, Nile.”  "There's gotta be a price."

Andy drops the auxiliary when she says, "We gotta go" instead of “We’ve gotta go” and “Sometimes you gotta work with people you don’t wanna eat with” instead of “Sometimes you’ve gotta..”

Andy uses the colloquialism “wanna” in the place of “want to”.

“Well, sometimes you gotta work with people you don’t wanna eat with.” “You really wanna do this, kid?”

Andy incorrectly uses the object pronoun “me” like a true native English speaker

“Me and those three men in there will keep you safe.”

Andy seems to generally say “Yeah” but she says “Yes” when she really means it. She also says “Mm hmm.”

Andy uses several discourse markers throughout the movie. Discourse markers are words that are used to connect, organize and manage sentences while speaking. Andy uses discourse markers to start sentences, as responses, as interjections, etc. The discourse markers that Andy uses are:

Sentence openers: actually, so, come on, here, look, listen, now, oh, well, you know,

Sentence closers: I guess, maybe, right, 

Responses: yeah

Interjections: hey

Connection: to be honest

Andy doesn’t use any fillers. Instead, she pauses and repeats herself as needed.

“Remember what it... what it was like to feel unbreakable.”

Of all the characters, Andy uses the imperative mood the most (throughout the movie Andy tells someone to do something 35 times using this mood)

When Andy repeats herself for emphasis, she usually does it in pairs. The only exception is when she says “why?” three times to Booker in the scene with Copley

Andy uses ellipses, which is when words are omitted from a sentence and the sentence can still be understood. This isn’t particularly noteworthy in what it says about her speech patterns, as everyone uses elliptical construction. It’s just part of how speech works, how dialogue works and how writing works. It’s a feature of English, spoken and written, rather than an anomaly. I do feel it’s worth mentioning though, because I’m going to talk a lot about some specific kinds of ellipses (null subject, null auxiliary and zero copula) that are only found in colloquial and spoken language. For more about elliptical construction, see the Nicky section.

Andy uses noun and verb ellipses when she says, “I’ve been here before... over and over again, and each time the same question.” 

Andy uses answer ellipsis. That means that when she answers questions, she often speaks in sentence fragments rather than full sentences.

[Who’s gonna fly the plane?] “We don’t need a pilot” instead of “[Nobody is going to fly the plane.] We don’t need a pilot.”

Andy occasionally uses sentences with a truncated null subject (i.e. she doesn’t use subject pronouns), but not as frequently as the other characters. 

“Can’t wait” instead of “I can’t wait.”

Andy frequently uses null auxiliary construction and zero copula when asking questions that normally use subject-auxiliary inversion. This means that she will drop the leading auxiliary verb. For more information about zero copula, see Nile.  

Andy uses “You found Copley?” instead of “Have you found Copley?” and “Everyone still with me?” instead of “Is everyone still with me?”

When asking questions, Andy typically uses either the method described above or intonation if she can get away with it. However, she does still ask yes-no questions without dropping the auxiliary. Andy is also one of the only characters to use a disjunctive question. In contrast to the disjunctive (which is often condescending), Andy is also one of the only characters polite enough to use an indirect question.  

Intonation: “Joe and Nicky?”

Disjunctive: “You don’t speak Russian, do you?”

Indirect: “Would you like me to take one for you?”

Andy doesn’t use the subordinating conjunction “that” at any point in the movie.

“Last time I checked, you had to be American to be in the CIA” instead of “Last time that I checked...”

Andy says “What the...” when she’s confused.

Andy makes a humming sound when she’s pleased that’s transcribed as “Mmm!”. Interesting to note that every time she makes this sound, it’s in response to Nicky.

Profanity used by Andy: asshole, fuck, goddamn, motherfucker, shit, shitty

Phrases, idioms and expressions used by Andy: bend it to [your] will, broke [a promise], changes nothing, come on, do the same, enough of this, for all I care, get some sleep, go big or go home, going out for a bit, gotta go, last time I checked, let’s, next time, now and always, on board, play dead, set up, straight to [something], tie off, to be honest, welcome back, what [he] said, whatever it takes, work out

Unrelated to word count or time spent speaking, Andy says more sentences than any other character. She says more than twice as many sentences as Booker and four times as many sentences as Joe and Nicky. Nile says a little less than 2/3 as many sentences as Andy. 

Sentence composition**: 57% of Andy’s sentences are simple sentences, 31% are sentence fragments, 5% are compound sentences, 6% are complex sentences, and 1% are compound-complex sentences.

Languages spoken on-screen: English

Adjectives and adjective phrases appear in 13% of Andy’s sentences. Adverbs and adverb phrases appear in 9% of Andy’s sentences.

Andy is very consistent in her speech. She doesn’t style-shift much and almost exclusively speaks in a colloquial style of Standard American English. There are two exceptions to this: when she was talking to the tourists in Marrakesh, she was overly polite; and when she was dealing with Copley, she enunciated herself far more and was less likely to use contractions. When I say that Andy speaks Standard English, what I mean is that she speaks the dialect of English which has undergone the most regularization and standardization. It’s the one associated with public communication, the one that's used in commerce and government, and the one that has the most institutional support and sanction. Andy is very familiar and comfortable in this dialect, to the point where she even uses common grammar mistakes that native speakers do. Her speech is very casual. I would say that Andy has spent a significant amount of time recently in the United States or Canada, and I also suspect that English is the modern language that she is most comfortable in. I think that Andy has likely spent a lot of time speaking casually with other English native speakers and that her grasp of the language was formed without any kind of formal language training. Andy doesn’t use much descriptive language, and her sentences are typically short and clear. While I think Andy does read a little bit, it’s had very little impact on her speech patterns. I doubt she reads any kind of serious formal writing, or academic works. 

Nile

Nile uses every contraction for auxiliary verbs and personal pronouns (e.g. I’m, you’re, it’s, etc). She also uses them with other nouns and names. Nile is very deliberate about contraction usage. For the most part, in casual speech, she uses contractions, although she does use a lack of contractions to express disbelief or for emphasis. Nile also uses a lack of contractions to show condescension or disapproval. When she’s trying to be authoritative, she’s less likely to use contractions. When she wants to make sure she’s understood, she also doesn’t use contractions.

“I am not jumping from a plane!” “You do not listen to her, you listen to me.”

“We are looking for this man. He has killed many of our people and many of yours.”

Nile uses contractions with demonstrative, interrogative, relative and indefinite pronouns. She also uses contractions with "there", "where", “why” and “how.” She uses contractions with negative modal verbs.

Nile doesn’t use the contraction “y’all” in the movie. In fact, she specifically doesn’t use it.

“How are you all in my dreams?”

Nile uses both the simple future and the colloquial going-to future construction at various points in the movie. Like with contractions, Nile is less likely to use colloquialisms when she’s serious or trying to be authoritative. I think it’s especially poignant when she uses it to express bravery (with Booker). Nile always uses the colloquialism “gonna” when using going-to future construction. 

Simple future: “I’m the one who will walk out of there, one way or another.”

Going-to future: “People that are gonna worry.”

Nile uses the verb “have” and the phrasal verb “have got” interchangeably, however she has a very strong preference for “have got”

“You have my phone?”

“I got people that love me,” “You got a satellite link?”

Nile also uses the colloquialism “gotta” in sentences where she uses “have got” with the infinitive “to”. When she does this, she always uses null auxiliary construction (see below for more details).

“We gotta get out of here!”

Nile uses the colloquialism “wanna” in the place of “want to”.

“I just really wanna hear my mom’s voice one more time.”

Nile truncates “trying to” as “tryna”.

“I’m tryna save you, man!”

Nile truncates “out of” as “outta”

Nile uses a lot of discourse markers. She uses more discourse markers than any of the other characters, although Booker comes very close. Discourse markers are words that are used to connect, organise and manage sentences while speaking. Nile uses discourse markers to start sentences, as responses, as interjections, etc. The discourse markers that Nile uses are:

Sentence openers: so, well, wait, here, yeah, now

Sentence closers: or something, maybe, you know, okay, man

Interjections: come on, what, no way

Responses: yeah

Nile uses some fillers when speaking, however she doesn’t use them often. The fillers she uses are: uh, yeah

While Nile does occasionally use the imperative mood, she’s far more likely to give commands based on intonation alone, rather than syntax.

Intonation: “You do not listen to her, you listen to me,” “We gotta get out of here!”

Imperative: “Land this plane.”

Nile uses elliptical construction when speaking, which means that when words are omitted from a sentence, the sentence can still be understood.  Again, this in and of itself is not very noteworthy, see Nicky for more details. 

“South side of Chicago, a million different ways we could’ve went left.”

She also uses answer ellipsis, meaning that when answering questions, she speaks in sentence fragments.

Answer ellipsis: [You have someone?] “Just my family” instead of “[I have] just my family.”

Nile frequently uses null subject elliptical construction. When using null subject construction, she drops personal pronouns.

“Talked to Copley. Said he could fix it.” instead of “I talked to Copley. He said he could fix it.”

Nile’s use of ellipsis is mostly characterized by her usage of null auxiliary, which is when she drops auxiliary verbs from sentences. The way she does this is very distinct and she’s the only character who speaks like this. While the other characters who use null auxiliary construction do so in the specific context of asking questions, Nile’s usage is more complicated.

Like the others, Nile frequently uses null auxiliary construction and zero copula when asking questions that normally use subject-auxiliary inversion, but unlike the others, she also sometimes drops the auxiliary in wh- questions. For more on zero copula, see below.

"You gonna be okay?" "So, you good guys or bad guys?" 

“Where you taking me?”

Outside of asking questions, Nile also occasionally uses both null auxiliary construction and the zero copula. She is the only character who does this (Andy does this, but only with one specific word/phrase. Nile's usage is less restrictive). Zero copula is a linguistic phenomena where the subject is joined to the predicate without marking that relationship (i.e. there’s no verb). In English, the main copula is the verb “to be”, so zero copula in English describes situations where inflections of “to be” are omitted. When the characters use null auxiliary construction to omit the inflected forms of “to be” while asking questions, they are using the copula deletion. 

In the above example questions, all of them are examples of copula deletion as they are omitting inflections of the verb "to be"

When Nile says “I got people that love me”, she uses null auxiliary construction to omit the auxiliary “have”. Nile always drops the auxiliary “have” when using the “have got” form.

When Nile says “This the shit you into?” she’s actually using the zero copula twice. You’ll notice that she’s missing the leading “is” and in the dependent clause, she’s missing the “are (“Is this the shit you’re into?” in Standard English).

At one point in the movie, Nile includes a further truncated null subject, where she doesn’t use both the subject and the auxiliary verb. Joe does something similar in the present tense.

Nile says “Killed in action when I was eleven” instead of “He was killed in action when I was eleven.”

When asking questions, outside of wh- questions, Nile usually relies on intonation or dropping the auxiliary from subject-auxiliary inversion questions as described above. She does occasionally use inversion for yes/no questions without dropping the auxiliary. 

Intonation: “You have my phone?”

Indirect: “So... you’re even older than him.”

As the audience surrogate, Nile asks the most questions in the movie (she asks 69 questions LMAO)

Another way that Nile formalizes her speech is by inserting the subordinating conjunction “that” into sentences where they would normally be omitted.

“And that was a blank that you shot me with.” “But... you said that we were immortal.”

Nile says “Uh uh” to mean “no” or “don’t even think about it”

Phrases, idioms and expressions used by Nile: a little help, backed down, brains of [the] outfit, come on, follow the money, gave [them] up, honest-to-God, how the hell, what kind of [noun], killed in action, let’s go, move on, never hurts to, no way, one more time, one way or another, roger that, sit your ass down, some bullshit, son of a bitch, stay tight, steal away, went left, what’s up (greeting), 

Profanity used by Nile: ass, bitch, bullshit, damn, fuck, hell, shit

Sentence composition**: 60% of Nile’s sentences are simple sentences, 30% are sentence fragments, 3% are compound sentences, 6% are complex sentences and 1% are compound-complex sentences.

Adjectives and adjective phrases appear in 18% of Nile’s sentences. Adverbs appear in 4% of her sentences. Nile doesn’t use any adverb phrases.

Languages spoken on-screen: English, Pashto

Of all the characters, Nile’s use of English is the most deliberate. While the others are obviously fluent and capable in English, Nile’s use of style-shifting throughout the movie demonstrates a mastery of the language that the other characters simply don’t have. The way that she shifts between formal and colloquial language for emphasis, for clarity, to express disbelief or disapproval, to act authoritatively, to appear casual and friendly, and to invite others to engage with her, speaks to what she is capable of by her word and syntax choices. All of this is obviously enhanced by her tone, her cadence, her pitch, her volume and her speaking speed. 

When Nile speaks, she doesn’t speak in AAVE. That being said, her speech does contain vernacular features. The two elements of Nile’s syntax that are most noticeable are her use of the zero copula and her deletion of “have” in situations where it can be contracted (to clarify: using copula deletion is not necessarily an indicator of AAVE. When the other characters use the zero copula, they are not speaking AAVE. The subtle differences in the context of their usage of copula deletion is what makes Nile’s speech distinctly Black). Some of Nile’s word choices and noun phrases are also reflective of the typical speech of Black people, as pointed out to me by this anon. It’s very likely that Nile can speak AAVE, but doesn’t in the movie. She was raised by two Black parents in a very residentially segregated city, and while Nile didn’t specify the neighborhood she grew up in (you can make some guesses to the general area based on how she talks about it, but that’s not quite the same), Chicago’s South Side is predominantly Black, so the people she was around, the place she attended school and the church she went to were all likely predominantly Black as well. Due to the fact that Standard English is the language taught in public schools in the United States, Nile has obviously also developed a fluency in that dialect as well and can probably code switch between the two dialects. The fact that she doesn’t speak AAVE in the movie isn’t particularly unusual. Society is largely hostile towards Black people speaking AAVE, so language self-policing becomes a survival tool. Nile had also just spent an indefinite amount of time in the US military, which has its own style which has its own style of speaking as well which she would have been using. And then she basically got kidnapped by mostly white people, some of whom have noticeable accents, so having her speak AAVE would’ve been an odd character choice, but not totally implausible.

The way that Nile switches between formal and colloquial English is a type of code switching that I would honestly refer to more as style-shifting. Because she isn’t actually speaking AAVE, I can’t say how the dialect factors into her speech patterns. I think it’s possible that Nile’s ability to style-shift between formal and informal language could have been an ability that she developed as a result of needing to code switch between AAVE and Standard English in an educational environment. I do want to make it very clear however, that when I’m talking about Nile style-shifting, it has very little bearing on the vernacular features of her speech, but rather the colloquial features like contractions, verb choice, ellipsis and her use of phrasal verbs. It’s possible that she uses code switching in the same way, however we don’t have evidence of that in the movie.

Booker

Booker uses most contractions, but not all, and with much less consistency than Andy or deliberate purpose like Nile. He uses contractions for auxiliaries and their inflected forms for personal pronouns. When speaking casually, he uses contractions, but when he’s upset, he uses them far less consistently. He doesn’t use contractions with the past tense inflected form of have (i.e. “had”).

Booker uses contractions with demonstrative, interrogative, relative and indefinite pronouns. He also uses contractions with "there", "where" and “how. He uses contractions with negative modal verbs.

Booker uses both the simple future and the going-to future construction at various points in the movie. He doesn’t seem to have a preference either way.

Simple future: “They will get to learn your secret.”

Going-to future: “It’s gonna take time.”

Booker always uses the colloquialism “gonna” when using going-to future construction.

Booker doesn’t seem to use the phrasal verb “have got” but I could only find one instance of him using the verb “to have” in the present tense, so this isn’t definitive either way. If I had to take a guess, I’d say that, like Andy, he uses “to have” and “have got” interchangeably.

Even though Booker speaks less than Nile and Andy, he uses close to the same amount of discourse markers as them, meaning that they appear far more regularly in his speech. Discourse markers are words that are used to connect, organize and manage sentences while speaking. Booker uses discourse markers to start sentences, as responses, as interjections, etc. The discourse markers he uses are:

Sentence openers: come on, hey, oh, well, listen, I mean, ooh (expressing pleasure), yeah

Sentence closers: right, of course

Responses: yeah, alright

Interjections: hey, ow! (expressing victory)

Connections: by the way, tell you what

Of all the characters, Booker uses the most fillers when speaking. The fillers that he uses are: oh, uh, um, yeah 

Booker pauses and repeats himself as needed. He only does this when he’s upset. Otherwise, he seems to use fillers instead.

“Everyone you love is gonna... is gonna suffer and is gonna die."

When Booker repeats himself for emphasis, he always does it in pairs.

Booker often uses elliptical construction, and the most frequent type seems to be null auxiliary construction. He does use other types of ellipses though (For more about ellipsis, see Nicky). 

“Just because we keep living doesn’t mean we stop hurting.”

Booker uses answer ellipsis, but almost to the point of incomprehensibility. Dude just gives the bare minimum. That means that when he answers questions, he speaks in sentence fragments rather than full sentences.

Answer ellipsis: [You found Copley?] “Nothing, but dead ends” instead of “[I found] nothing but dead ends.”

Booker frequently uses sentences with a truncated null subject (i.e. he doesn’t use subject pronouns).

“Lost the plot after that” instead of “I lost the plot after that”

Booker frequently uses null auxiliary construction and zero copula when asking questions that normally use subject-auxiliary inversion. For more information about zero copula, see Nile.

Booker says “You good?” instead of “Are you good?” and “You have someone?” instead of “Do you have someone?”

When asking questions, Booker almost always uses either the method described above, or intonation. The only time Booker asks a question without dropping the auxiliary is when he says “Are you all right, boss?” to Andy in the cave. 

Intonation: “Oh, she gave it back?”

Booker doesn’t generally use the subordinating clause “that,” but he will sometimes.

“What I do know is she was alone for a long time before she found anyone like her.”

“And they will tell you... that you don’t love them.”

At two separate points in the movie, Booker references Elizabethan literature. “Misery loves company” is from Dr. Faustus by Marlowe and “That way madness lies” is from King Lear by Shakespeare

Phrases, expressions and idioms used by Booker: all in, by the way, calm down, change of clothes, come on, dead ends, give [her] time, give me your hand, how’s it going?, I’ll see you soon, in the open, leave no footprints, let’s go, lost the plot, moving out, misery loves company, reach out, stick to the plan, take time, tell you what, what’s going on, won’t hurt

Profanity used by Booker: shit, putain de merde

Sentence composition**: 59% of Booker’s sentences are simple sentences, 24% are sentence fragments, 3% are compound sentences, 9% are complex sentences, 1% are compound-complex sentences and 4% are not in English

Adjectives and adjective phrases appear in 16% of Booker’s sentences. Adverbs and adverb phrases appear in 8% of Booker’s sentences. 

Languages spoken on-screen: English, French, Italian

We know from Booker’s backstory that he’s French and he’s from Marseilles, and other people have spoken about how Booker’s native language would likely have been Occitan, although he speaks French as well. Like Andy, Joe and Nicky, English is not Booker’s native language, although he does speak it with a high degree of fluency. While there are aspects of Booker’s speech that are more related to him being a non-native English speaker, I wanted to talk about French first. It’s worth noting that French is the only Romance language that isn't a null subject language (and as far as I can tell, Occitan isn’t either). This means that when Booker uses null subject construction, that’s either something he picked up from another language or from being around people speaking colloquial English. The thing that stands out to me the most about Booker’s speech though, is actually the way he uses intonation (and to a certain extent, null auxiliary construction as well) when asking questions. While French can use subject-auxiliary inversion, for the most part, you just ask questions by intonation. In the French dub of the movie when Booker asks “You travel?” he says “T’as voyagé?” which in English directly translates to “You travelled?” or “You’ve travelled?” While I could get into semantics about verb tenses, do-support and modality, what I’m getting at here is that both “You travel?” and “T’as voyagé?” mean the same thing and are expressed in a form that feels semantically similar to me even if it’s not syntactically similar, in the same way that ending a question with the tag “right?” (which Booker uses a lot) feels the same as the tag “non?”

There are a couple of things that I think are interesting about Booker’s manner of speech. Booker primarily speaks in simple and fragmented sentences, which is pretty normal, but what’s different about him is the way that a lot of his speech is referential. What I mean is that Booker relies on a lot of common phrases, common clauses, clichés and quotations when he speaks. In a lot of ways, Booker speaks the way your typical action hero is supposed to. You get a sense of Booker engaging in a broader cultural and literary conversation. I don’t know how to explain this exactly, but when Booker speaks, you just know he reads and that he watches tv and movies. And not just that, but that he borrows and imitates aspects of what he reads. But besides the pragmatic element of Booker’s speech, all of the things that are notable about Booker’s speech are things that you also see in Andy, Joe and Nicky. Syntactically, there’s nothing about Booker’s speech that is distinctly unique to him, unlike the rest of the characters who all have their own little quirks. It’s almost like Booker is imitating the others, or borrowing someone else’s words. There is one notable exception, and that’s when Booker is talking to Nile in the cave. As the conversation goes on, you see this breakdown of Booker’s language as he attempts to tell his own story. Suddenly, a lot of the conventions established about Booker’s speech prior to this scene don’t apply. Obviously there are multiple explanations for this, ranging from English not being his first language to the fact that he was talking about something deeply personal and traumatizing to someone who was essentially a stranger. But what makes this scene stand out is the fact that in his next major scene, Booker is clearly on the verge of a full breakdown, but because he’s again relying on this established lexicon, you don’t see it reflected in his speech the same way that it is in the cave.

Joe

When Joe bothers with personal pronouns, he usually uses contractions with auxiliary verbs (e.g. I’m, she’s, it’s, etc). The exception to this is that Joe doesn’t use contractions with the past tense inflected auxiliary form of have (i.e. “had”).

Joe uses contractions with demonstrative, interrogative, relative and indefinite pronouns. He also uses contractions with "there". He uses contractions with negative modal verbs.

Joe only uses a future tense once in the entire film, and when he does, he uses going-to future construction. When he uses going-to future construction he uses the colloquialism “gonna"

“What are you gonna do?”

Joe doesn’t use the colloquial “have got” and always uses “to have”. 

“We have to find her”, “Well, now you have even more.”

This may be because Joe isn’t in the movie as much as the first three, or that he just genuinely doesn't use them often, but he uses considerably fewer discourse markers. Discourse markers are words that are used to connect, organize and manage sentences while speaking. Joe uses discourse markers to start sentences, and as interjections. The discourse markers that Joe uses are:

Sentence openers: oh, so, well, yeah

Interjections: hey, what

After Booker, Joe uses the second most amount of fillers. He uses more fillers when having a back-and-forth style conversation with someone than when he’s essentially monologuing. The fillers that Joe uses are: mmm, uh

Joe sometimes uses ellipses when speaking. Again, not super noteworthy, but I wanted to mention it nonetheless. 

“He’s the moon when I’m lost in darkness and warmth when I shiver in cold.”

Joe uses answer ellipsis in the movie, but he doesn’t actually speak in sentence fragments when he does this. While answer ellipsis is pretty standard in English, Joe’s commitment to saying more than was asked of him isn’t.

[So... you’re even older than him.] “Nicky and I met in the Crusades.” instead of “[Yes, we are.] Nicky and I met in the Crusades.”

Joe uses sentences with a null subject (i.e. he doesn’t use subject pronouns).

“Depends on the century.” “Fought thousands of battles side by side.”

Joe uses sentences which have both a null subject and uses copula deletion. See Nile for more details on zero copula.

“Very pissed off.” “Faster than the elevator.”

In the movie, Joe only really asks wh- questions. He does ask a few using intonation, although most of those questions act more like additional tags on a wh-question, rather than a question by itself. As such, it's unclear whether Joe uses null auxiliary construction or the zero copula when asking questions.

Intonation: "Bedhead?” “So we just leave her out in the open?”

When Joe repeats himself for emphasis, it’s usually in groups of three. 

Joe says “what” when he doesn’t hear something/doesn’t understand something

As previously mentioned, Joe uses some formal words like "thus" and the impersonal pronoun "one". Here are some other words to consider having Joe use unironically as well: alas, amidst, await, behest, ergo, hence, latter, much, nor, notwithstanding, promptly, quite, shall (modal), thence, thereupon, thoroughly, whereas, whom (used correctly of course), yield

Even though Joe speaks quite formally a lot of the time, he never uses the subordinating conjunction “that” when it can be omitted.

“The first immortal Andy found.”

Phrases, expressions and idioms used by Joe: all in, attention to detail, come on, I guess, out in the open, measure and reason, over a [time period], piece of shit, proved [their] case, side by side, way back

Profanity used by Joe: goddamnit, shit

Unrelated to word count or time spent speaking, Joe says the least amount of sentences out of the five main characters, although this doesn’t mean very much, considering Nicky says exactly one more sentence than him. 

Sentence composition**: 57% of Joe’s sentences are simple sentences, 21% are sentence fragments, 5% are compound sentences, 4% are complex sentences, 4% are compound complex sentences and 9% are not in English.

Adjectives and adjective phrases appear in 29% of Joe’s sentences. Adverbs and adverb phrases appear in 8% of Joe’s sentences.

Languages spoken on-screen: English, Italian

The best way to describe Joe’s manner of speaking is that it’s like he has two different styles. You get the sense that sometimes Joe just says whatever and sometimes he says something that he’s rehearsed in his head. Joe is a Maghrebi Muslim man from the Islamic Golden Age so he comes from a culture and time with a rich history of and respect for both written and spoken poetry, both impromptu and memorized. I think he carries that tradition quite well. When Joe is orating (van speech and Quynh backstory), his sentences are much more structured and he uses more formal language. He doesn't speak in sentence fragments, he doesn't use any colloquial language besides contractions and he doesn't use discourse markers or fillers like he does in the more casual back-and-forth conversations. If you look at Joe's sentence composition percentages, you'll notice that Joe has comparatively less sentence fragments than other characters and that’s purely because when he orates, it's in full sentences (minus poetic ellipsis, but that's allowed). That's why it seems to me as though Joe rehearses some of what he says in advance. I don’t know the extent to which he does that, but at the very least it seems like he’s sat down and thought “how would I explain Quynh to the new immortal?” or “What would I say to someone belittling my relationship with Nicky?” Even in the delivery of the line “Faster than the elevator” there is quite a long pause between him seeing that Nile jumped out a window and actually making the joke, as if he’s thinking about it first. The majority of the sentences Joe says are in the van speech and while telling Quynh’s backstory. In casual conversations, Nicky seems to take the lead more than Joe.

I’d also speculate that Joe is quite literate. Obviously there’s his own affinity for storytelling and oration, but his use of language hints at a larger vocabulary. You see him use a frequently neglected pronoun in English and a relatively formal adverb. He also uses adjectives like “grotesque” and “infantile”. He does end sentences while prepositions though, so he obviously does not give a fuck about John Dryden and Joshua Poole. That being said, I think the idea of rearranging Joe’s sentences so they don’t end in prepositions is funny and fits his whole vibe.

Joe uses null subject construction in English, and while that’s pretty common in everyday speech in English, it is worth noting that both Italian and Arabic are null subject languages. The way that Joe uses null construction in English is far more similar to Italian than Arabic, which requires a change in sentence sequencing but I still think it’s neat. The thing that Arabic brings to the table that I’m more intrigued by is the fact that it’s a zero copula language. It’s not a matter of copula deletion like AAVE, there straight up is not a copula in the present tense, so the lack of a verb (and specific sentence sequencing) is the copula in the present tense. When Joe drops both subject and verb in the present tense he is, in effect, simulating a similar situation due to the ambiguity of the sentences themselves where the only way you can correctly interpret the sentence is by understanding that the missing verb must be a copula. He gets rid of a subject pronoun as a shout out to Italian, I guess, but also because it would sound so silly if he didn’t. I don’t think Joe necessarily picked up this habit from Arabic, but I do think it’s a fun coincidence.

Nicky

Of all the characters, Nicky has the least consistent contraction usage for personal pronouns and auxiliaries (e.g. I’ve, you’re, it’s, etc). There are examples throughout the film of him using a contraction and then in the next scene he just doesn’t. Unlike with the other characters, who have a discernable pattern (Andy always uses contractions, Nile uses contractions for dramatic emphasis, Booker becomes more inconsistent with contractions when upset, Joe doesn’t use contractions in certain tenses), Nicky is totally random in his contraction usage.

My personal favourite example of this is: “She’s more alone than she has ever been in her entire life.”

Nicky uses contractions with demonstrative, interrogative, relative and indefinite pronouns, however this usage is just as inconsistent as with personal pronouns. He also uses contractions with "there.” He uses contractions with negative modal verbs.

Outside of contractions, Nicky doesn't seem to use colloquialisms in the movie.

Nicky doesn’t use the colloquial going-to future construction and relies on simple future construction

“You will not be able to give him what he wants”, “If it’s now Andromache’s, nothing you do will stop it.

Nicky doesn’t use the colloquial phrasal verb “have got” and instead uses “have”

“I have something for you”

Nicky only has a few discourse markers in the movie. Discourse markers are words that are used to connect, organise and manage sentences while speaking. Nicky uses discourse markers to start sentences, as interjections and as responses. The discourse markers that he uses are:

Sentence openers: so

Interjections: hey, wait, what

Responses: yeah

Nicky doesn’t use any fillers. Instead, he pauses and repeats himself as needed.

"I believe it's because we... we are meant to find each other"

In my other post, I mentioned that Nicky speaks in full sentences, and while that is mostly true, it’s a bit of an oversimplification. While that kind of a statement is fine for an overview post, I felt it would be disingenuous to leave it at that. Nicky speaks in sentence fragments just like everyone else. In fact, he speaks in sentence fragments more than Joe does. He uses ellipsis, but the way he does it is functionally different from the specific methods of null subject, null auxiliary and zero copula that I’ve talked about with the other characters. While the others are quite formulaic about their usage of ellipses, Nicky’s is far more nebulous because it’s very much dependent on context. 

Nicky uses answer ellipses, like the others.

[Bedhead?] “Nicely tousled.”

The next way that Nicky uses ellipses might better be described as anaphora. That means when he’s eliding words, the omitted words in the sentence can be found through the context of the sentence preceding it. 

The sentence “The only reason we haven’t... is that it’s not our time yet” is missing a past participle. The missing verb is found in the previous sentence: “Everything has to die, Mr. Merrick.”

In fact, almost all of Nicky’s use of sentence fragments and ellipses can most easily be characterized this way. If the sentence that Nicky says is incomplete in some way by itself, that’s usually because he’s referring to something either he, or someone else, has said. In some cases, it’s as if he’s continuing or adding additional information to the sentence preceding it.

“We killed each other.” “Many times.”

“It was a woman. A Black woman.”

Another way of characterizing some of his use of ellipses is to imagine he’s using answer ellipsis to a question nobody asked him. 

[What did you see?] “Dirt floor, clay walls.”

In one particular instance, Nicky says the noun phrase “A fine justification.” It’s already an example of anaphora, as it is referring back to Kozak’s “I believe this can change the world.” Nicky’s sentence bears some similarity to Joe’s “Faster than the elevator” as it’s also an example of a sentence which is missing both verb and subject, however when Joe uses this kind of construction, he only does so before an adjective phrase. One could extrapolate from this that Nicky uses null subject and zero copula construction with adjective phrases and Joe similarly uses it for noun phrases, but that’s just speculation.

The final way that we see Nicky use ellipsis is honestly the most baffling and I’m still not entirely sure how to best explain it. The sentence is “Spend eternity in a cage.” It is clearly not the imperative mood, it wouldn't make sense for Nicky to be telling Nile to spend eternity in a cage. Unlike the other examples of Nicky’s use of ellipsis, the preceding sentence (“That’s the reason we dread capture”) provides context but not specific form. Breaking it down from an English language perspective, the only thing that makes sense to me is that “spend” is actually the infinitive phrase “to spend” where the infinitive "to" has been elided and there is an implied “[We are afraid][to] spend eternity in a cage.” I want to be clear here: I understand this sentence. I know what Nicky is saying, I simply have no idea why I know what he's saying. I don't understand why this sentence works. For further theories, look at the section on sociolinguistics at the bottom.

Sometimes Nicky adds unnecessary pronouns to a sentence.

“But then, Andy and Quynh, they were accused of witchcraft themselves and they were trapped and caught.”

Nicky does use the subordinating conjunction “that” but there are also times when he doesn’t. The common Nicky pattern of *shrug*

“The only reason we haven’t... is that it’s not our time yet”

“As much as I like watching you sleep, I’m glad you’re awake.”

When Nicky asks questions, he doesn’t use any kind of null auxiliary construction or zero copula for subject-auxiliary inversion questions. Nicky is also the only other character (after Andy) polite enough to ask indirect questions, and he uses them when talking to people who kidnapped him, which is kind of a power move. Nicky doesn’t seem to use intonation much when asking questions either.

Subject auxiliary inversion (yes/no questions): “Are we too late?” “Are you sure?”

Indirect: “I don’t suppose it would be possible to get these chains off of us?”

Intonation: “Nile?”

Phrases, expressions and idioms used by Nicky: as much, cast off, do you know, get some rest, getting away, I suppose/don’t suppose, judge of character, love of my life, 

Sentence composition**: 47% of Nicky’s sentences are simple sentences, 24% are sentence fragments, 3% are compound sentences, 15% are complex sentences, 2% are compound complex and 9% are not in English.

Adjectives and adjective phrases appear in 23% of Nicky’s sentences. Adverbs appear in 6% of Nicky’s sentences. Nicky doesn’t use adverb phrases.

Languages: English, Italian, Nuer

Before I start this, I want to say that despite having a strong accent, I think Nicky is quite proficient in English. He knows the subtle differences between words like “unethical” and “immoral,” he’s aware of and capable of using expressions with irregular syntax and he uses sophisticated linguistic phenomena in English. He uses so many complex sentences it makes my head spin. Leaving all that aside, I think that Nicky probably translates from Italian into English while speaking. Like Nile, Nicky is very deliberate about his language but in a different way. While Nile uses style-shifting to accomplish a number of different things, Nicky is primarily concerned with clarity. I think that Nicky’s tendency towards more formal language is a kind of overcompensation to make sure that he’s being understood. Another thing worth noting is that I think Nicky has actively studied language before, in a class setting or by himself, and has at least some knowledge of linguistics (specifically syntax). At the very least, he is knowledgeable about both Italian and English syntax.

This theory is largely based around the idea of overcompensation. Nicky is primarily concerned with the clarity of speech and because of that, he doubles-down on grammar and structure. Italian is a null subject language so you actually see Nicky use null subject construction when he says “Sono qui” and “Dovremmo tonarci” but you don’t see anything similar in the way that he speaks English even though all the other characters frequently rely on truncated null subjects. He demonstrates a clear awareness of the standard language restrictions of English and how that compares to the restrictions of Italian. And not just that: there’s actually an example in the movie where Nicky adds an extra and unnecessary pronoun in English. In another sentence, Nicky could have used a contraction on two separate instances and deliberately only contracted one of them because the contractions were two different tenses. For the most part, this overcompensation makes it so Nicky’s speech—while unconventional—is still grammatically correct. That’s how you get things like Nicky saying, “The love of my life was of the people I’ve been taught to hate,” which isn’t how most native-speakers would intuitively phrase it themselves and as a result, a further layer of nuance is added by the use of the Present Perfect Continuous. Despite the fact that Nicky uses some unconventional phrasing in English, he doesn’t seem particularly bothered by it or concerned about it. He’s more than willing to experiment with his speech and seems very confident in it as well. That’s why I think he has some kind of formal language training with English, because he clearly understands the system that he’s working with but is less aware of some of the common ways of speaking. I seriously doubt that Joe and Nicky spend much time speaking to each other in English.

Another point that I think is worth mentioning: while Joe seems to thrive while orating and speaks relatively simply otherwise, Nicky is the exact opposite. Nicky’s language capabilities are on full display when he’s engaging in discourse, but when he’s telling Nile about Quynh, you see a lot more irregular syntax structure from him. It’s during this discussion that you hear the line “Spend eternity in a cage,” that I’ve struggled with above. The other possible explanation for the use of this unconventional sentence construction was actually given to me by @rhubarbdreams, who said that the sentence actually makes more sense syntactically in Italian, which has an impersonal imperative. In fact, in the Italian dub, that’s allegedly what it does (“per non passare l'eternità in una gabbia.”) Whether Nicky’s apparent tendency towards unconventional speech in this circumstance is a chronic tendency from overthinking while speaking English or a result of the specific topic they were discussing is up for personal interpretation, although I do think it’s interesting that Nicky was the one primarily leading conversation up until Joe took over specifically when they were recounting a story. I think this is especially interesting considering Nicky was apparently a priest, however this might just be a limitation to him in languages he doesn’t use as often. 

Bonus: Quynh

Quynh doesn’t have that many lines, so it’s not really possible to do any kind of meaningful analysis about her speech patterns (she says 16 sentences and 10 of those are screaming “no” or someone’s name). That being said, I do want to look at all the lines she presumably said in English (I’m ignoring Lykon’s death scene because if Lykon really did die in the 6th or 7th century, then they absolutely weren’t speaking Modern English, you know?)

So first we have the lines from the witch trials:

“I’ve never been burned alive before. What do you think it’s gonna be like?”

“Just you and me.”

Okay so obviously there’s some ambiguity over exactly when this happened, since Joe said 500 years in a box and TOGTH lists it happening around 1750. In the comics, Noriko fell overboard around 1590. I simply think the 1750 date is incorrect based on when people were being burned at the stake for witchcraft and heresy. I could talk more about that and my own headcanons about when it happened, but this is a post about linguistics, so what’s important to take from all this is that it probably took place at the earliest sometime in the late 15th century and, at the latest, the very beginning of the 17th century.

Taking all that into consideration, I can say almost certainly that all of Quynh’s lines are some kind of misremembered modern translation of what she actually said. She uses two contractions (I’ve and it’s) that were maybe in use, but likely uncommon. “It’s” was used, although you would be far more likely to see its counterpart “tis”, and contractions with “have” and “had” were only becoming common towards the end of the 16th century. There’s also the problem of the pronoun “you” and how singular “you” would not have been used in this informal context. And since “you” should be the singular “thou”, the archaic singular second-person conjugation of “do” would instead be correct. And finally: going-to future construction may have been used at the time (I can’t speak to the commonality of it), but I honestly can’t say with any certainty whether the colloquial “gonna” was in use. The first recorded use seems to be the 19th century. I’m sure there are other things that are anachronistic about the speech but I don’t know enough about Early Modern English morphology and syntax to speculate any more about it. 

So yeah, Andy and Quynh’s conversation is either Andy’s misremembering of it in Modern English, it was never in English in the first place like the other scene, or just Hollywood movie magic for the viewers (I would love to see someone attempt to translate it back into Early Modern English though, I’m just saying).

“It’s nice to finally meet you.”

The one line that I feel has legitimate value in the analysis of Quynh’s speech patterns in English is the final one that she says to Booker. She’s using ME, obviously, with its contractions and singular “you.” She’s also using a modified idiom, “Nice to meet you”, which is interesting because that absolutely wouldn’t have been used when she went under water considering the word “nice” was derogatory at the time. All of this implies to me that Quynh has definitely spent time on land before she finds Booker. Also she split the infinitive ("to meet"). I don't know what that says about her speech, but I sure am looking at it.

Fun Quynh fact: of the 6 times that Andy’s full name is used in the movie, half of them are said by Quynh

**A note on sentence composition: I intentionally didn't go into detail about sentence composition outside of brief mentions. If any of you are curious about it, you can ask. I'm more than willing to discuss sentence clause structure, but I didn't want this to become even longer and more convoluted than it already is. Part of why I’m reluctant to give it any weight here is because of how lenient I was with what was considered a sentence fragment vs. a simple sentence, as the characters are speaking colloquial English. A movie isn’t formal writing and to evaluate dialogue by that same metric is silly. Also, I considered interjections sentence fragments to start and then realized halfway through that that was a bad idea and they should have had their own separate section, but at that point I was in too deep, and didn’t want to go back and do it all again. In the same way, there are sentences that I considered compound or complex sentences, but that “technically” aren’t because a lot of characters drop pronominal subjects and like. Officially you can’t have null subject clauses in English, because that’s not how the language works on paper (imperative mood aside). Or they elided part of the sentence so that technically it's not a clause. But people don’t actually care about stuff like that when they talk. Also I may have messed up a few times, because complex sentences are hard and sometimes I get phrases and clauses confused. It can be difficult to tell when there’s a lot happening, you know? (this is about Nicky. Sir, why do you talk like that) 

If you’re a fanfic writer, I’m going to advise that you take the part about sentence composition with a grain of salt or ignore it entirely, unless you’re already familiar with sentence clause structure in English. It will not be helpful to you for writing character dialogue until you’ve actually put in the work to understand it and practice. As mentioned, I still mess it up sometimes if a sentence has too many phrases. Basically, if you think too hard about it, I guarantee it’ll stress you out.

[the-modernmary]

you’ll always know me || aaron hotchner x reader

Summary: "I would have stayed... If you asked me to.

After your high school graduation, you left without saying goodbye to Aaron Hotchner, your best friend, and nobody had heard from you since. Years later, you're back in DC, and catching up with Aaron brings more than you could have possibly hoped for.

Warnings: mentions of weed

A/N: I really wanted some soft Hotch content in my life after all the angst in my best habit, and this is about as soft as I can get. Inspired by Taylor Swift's "dorothea". Honestly, I was listening to evermore, blacked out for about three hours, and this is what came from that. There is no other explanation for this. It's written differently than my usual style, but I hope y'all like it still!

read on ao3 || masterlist

~~~~~~~

“What’s got you in such a rush?”

  Rossi eyes Aaron carefully as the latter circles around his office, double and triple-checking that he didn’t forget anything. The last thing he wants is to have to come back to the office and cut his day short.

  Aaron shoves a few case files in his briefcase. “An old friend from high school is in town and I’m meeting up with her.”

  Rossi perks up at the word ‘her’ and he leans against the door frame. Aaron notices this, too, because he shakes his head quickly. “It’s not like that. We both got sent to boarding school for being problem children and we became quick friends. I haven’t talked to her since graduation. She just packed up her stuff and left the very next day.”

“You sound bitter,” Rossi points out.

  “Not at all,” he lies, trying to forget the hurt of running to your dorm for your weekly breakfast together, only to be met with an empty room and a singular polaroid. “I knew she hated it there and her goal was to travel and see as many places as she could. Honestly, I’m surprised she’s back stateside at all. Last I heard, she was doing some art apprenticeship in Italy, but that was years ago.”

  “You sound like you have a long evening ahead of you, so I’ll get out of your hair. And have some fun tonight, Aaron. You deserve it,” Rossi adds on as an afterthought. 

  The corners of Aaron's mouth lift slightly. “I will. Try not to let the building burn down while I’m gone. Reid is back on his physics magic kick, and I think I heard something about a lighter.”

  Rossi gives Aaron a two-finger, half-hearted salute in acknowledgment, which is all it takes for Aaron to shut his office door and head towards the elevator. Knowing that you’re just outside, he has to make a conscious effort to slow his pace from an excited jog to just an anxious speed walk. The elevator ride is slow, seemingly stopping at every single floor on the way down, which gives his mind ample time to wander and think back to graduation day.

  “There you are!” Aaron shouts from across the football field as he runs up to you, shoving through bustling groups of families trying to take pictures. He has so many stoles and cords and leis around his neck that you can barely see the suit he’s wearing underneath his gown. It’s a stark contrast to you, with only a singular chord for academic achievement, although a 3.2 wasn’t much of an achievement in the eyes of most people at boarding school.

  “Here I am!” you laugh, throwing your arms around him in a hug and breathing in the smell of his cologne.

  “Where’re your parents? Didn’t they come?”

  “Of course they didn’t. They’re not ones for celebrating something as trivial as high school graduation, not when it’s just expected of me.” You roll your eyes. “What about you? I thought you and Haley were going to do the whole ‘meet the family’ thing today?”

  Aaron is oblivious to the bitterness in your voice, although that’s nothing new. “We are, but I just wanted to give these to you.” It’s then that you notice the bouquet of flowers in his hand, although it’s now being pressed into your arms. “As a congrats. And a thank you for being there for me this whole time. You’re my best friend.”

  You try to ignore the ache in your chest at his words. “Thank you, Aaron. I… I didn’t get you anything, I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be,” he waves it off. “If you want to get me something, breakfast is your treat tomorrow.”

  “Okay, deal,” you agree, the smile coming back to your face. Selfishly, you don’t want him to go back to Haley or his family just yet. You want him to stay there with you so you don’t feel so lonely in the crowd of happy graduates. “God, I can’t believe you’re staying in D.C. for college. We always talked about getting out, seeing the world and never coming back.”

  Aaron shrugs, and you watch as he brushes away a piece of his hair that falls into his face. “I’m hoping that going to GW for undergrad will make it easier to get into law school there.”

  “And Haley Brooks is still here for another year,” you point out, half accusatory.

  “Yeah, that, too.” Aaron chuckles uncomfortably before quickly switching the conversation. “What about you? Have you decided what you’re going to do?”

  “There’s an art school in Glasgow I’m thinking of going to. But, you know… George Washington also has an art program. It’s pretty nice, too. I’m still deciding.” You trail off, looking straight into Aaron’s eyes, giving him every chance in the world to make the decision for you.

  Aaron hesitates, fighting an internal battle. “Go to Glasgow!” he says, fake enthusiasm in his voice, but your disappointment blocks out anything but his actual words. “Then I’ll have an excuse to visit Scotland.”

  “Yeah, that’s what I was leaning towards, too,” you lie. “Aaron, I—”

  You’re cut off by a voice calling his name. You both turn around to see Haley Brooks waving him over, her other hand holding 7-year-old Sean’s hand. She looks like spring personified, her blonde hair in bouncy curls and her pink sundress swishing around her long, slender legs. Her smile is so big that it could have parted storm clouds, and you want nothing more than to hate her with every single fiber of your being.

  But then you see Aaron, returning her megawatt smile with his own, one you rarely ever saw, and how can you hate somebody who makes him so happy?

  “I have to go, I’m sorry,” he says, although there’s not even a hint of regret in his voice. “But I’ll see you for one last Sunday breakfast tomorrow?”

  “I’ll see you then,” you lied.

  How Aaron could have missed the signs of your unhappiness, he’ll never know. At that time, all he knew was that you left without ever saying goodbye, leaving behind only a polaroid of the two of you from your weekend trip to Virginia Beach, both of you drunk and laughing with your arms wrapped around each other. He still has it, buried in his nightstand somewhere, but he hasn’t had the courage to look at it for a few years now.

  As Aaron steps out of the FBI building, he recognizes you instantly, even though it’s only the back of your head, and it causes his breath to catch in his throat. He calls your name and watches as you turn around, your hair whipping around you, and the fact that you still have that same mischievous glint in your eyes is enough to make him feel like he’s sixteen again and nervously skipping class with you holding his hand and pulling him towards the school gates.

  “Aaron!” You jog up to him and throw your arms around him in a hug, which he happily reciprocates. You press a quick kiss to his cheek before pulling away, and Aaron’s entire face burns.

  You keep your hands on his biceps, holding him at arm’s length, as you study him. He looks almost exactly the same as he did all those years ago, with soft hair and the slightest bit of stubble, but he looks less carefree. He seems more mature, like life had aged him 100 years. Still, as cute as high school Aaron was, it had nothing on how good he looks now. “Look at you, Mr. FBI, all suit and corporate-looking! I never thought I’d see the day.”

  “Yeah, I guess I’ve changed quite a bit,” he admits, and the sight of his dimples makes you want to melt right there into the sidewalk. “It’s really good to see you again. I’ve missed you.”

  “Oh, I’m sure you barely thought about me,” you joke, but hurt flashes through your eyes.

  Aaron wants to argue, to tell you that he thinks about you all the time, but decides against it. He doesn’t want to spend the precious few hours he has with you bringing up old issues. “Are you hungry? Because there’s this diner a few blocks down with giant milkshakes.”

  “Why are we still standing here, then? All you had to say was milkshakes, they’re my favorite.”

  “I know. I remember,” he says, and that all-too-familiar pang in your heart comes back like it had never left. “Come on, we can walk and cut through a park.”

  The two of you start your walk in comfortable silence, listening to the bustling city around you. Every once in a while, your hands would bump into his, and you were doing everything you could to ignore it.

  “So did you ever go to that art school?” he asks suddenly, looking over at you.

  You nod, a soft smile forming on your face. “I did. You were right, I loved Scotland.”

  “Where did you go after that? Nobody heard from you.”

  Your eyes sparkle as memories of your life the past few years flash through your mind. “Everywhere. Literally. I took a bunch of odd jobs and spent my time traveling,” you admitted. “I taught English in Vietnam for a year, worked on a cruise ship that went around South America, was an au pair for a French ambassador, went on research expeditions… Even dated a pilot for all of six months. Anything I could do that would let me see the world.” You laugh to yourself, shaking your head fondly. “I really put that private boarding school tuition to good use, huh? My parents were pissed.”

  “It sounds like you were living the life you dreamed of,” Aaron says softly, looking down at you.

  “It was,” you agree, your voice a little sad.

  “So then why are you back here in DC?”

  You shrug, your hands clasped behind your back, and you step down on a particularly crunchy leaf. “I’m just passing through. I’ve been going around the US and looking for a place to settle down. Finally. Figured I might as well put that art degree to good use. Maybe I’ll open a gallery or something.”

  Aaron nods slowly as the chill of autumn runs through his bones. It’s nice, though, in a weird way. He’s always preferred the fall over spring. “Where have you looked so far?”

  “Lots of places. San Francisco, Portland, Seattle, Atlanta, San Antonio, Miami… I’m heading up to New York next. Nothing’s felt right so far. But enough about me, how are you? I heard you married Haley Brooks.”

  That same bitterness you felt in high school when you talked about Haley comes back with a vengeance. It’s unfair, and you know that. How was Aaron supposed to know that you were practically in love with him in high school if you never told him? Even now, you’re sure that he hasn’t put together the pieces.

  You watch as his gaze falls slightly. “I did. She died a few years ago.”

  “I’m sorry,” you whisper, and you reach out to give his hand a small squeeze.

  “We got divorced a little while before it happened,” he explains, unsure why it’s so important to him that you know that. “I blamed myself for it for a long time. But I’ve, uh… I’ve made peace with it now.”

  You give him a comforting smile, fully aware of the fact that you’re still holding his hand. “Aaron Hotchner, making peace with something in his life? I never thought I’d see the day.”

  Aaron chuckles and bumps his shoulder to yours. “I’ve been known to do it a few times. But only a few. Haley and I have a son, though. His name is Jack. He’s 8 now.”

  You shake your head in disbelief, and your cheeks hurt from smiling so much. “And you’re a father? Wow, you really have changed.”

  “Is that a bad thing?” he asks, and you shake your head wordlessly.

  “I like every version of Aaron Hotchner,” you promise. “Besides, change is a good thing. Especially since this city hasn’t changed a bit.”

  Aaron looks around, eyebrows furrowed, like he’s seeing DC for the very first time. “It’s actually changed quite a bit. But it’s subtle. Only people who have been here as long as I have would even notice it, probably.”

  The words cut through you both as a painful reminder of your abrupt departure from DC, and the silence settles over the two of you like a thick fog. This conversation was going to have to happen no matter what, you knew that going into this meeting with Aaron, but you didn’t expect it to happen so soon.

  “I would have stayed,” you whisper, your voice barely audible. “If you asked me to.”

  Aaron shakes his head as his Adam’s apple bobs. “I thought about it. But I couldn’t do that to you. I knew you wanted to see the world, and you said it yourself. This city had nothing left to offer you.”

  You pause, rubbing your thumb over your fingertips with your freehand. “It had you,” you reply, and Aaron feels like he was just stabbed in the heart. “That would have been enough.” Seeing Aaron’s dejected face, you quickly keep talking. “But I get it, don’t worry. You were head over heels for Haley Brooks. Everybody knew you two were meant to be together.””

  “What does that have to do with you leaving?” he asks, more accusatory than he intended.

  “Everything.”

  Aaron breathes out your name, unsure of what to say until he settles on: “I’m sorry.”

  You wave him off, forcing a laugh. “Don’t be. I was 17 years old with a crush. We do stupid things, like want to stay at home for a boy. I’m glad I left. Besides, Haley Brooks was clearly the love of your life, and far be it from me to try and break up the golden couple.”

  The two of you stop in front of the diner and you drop Aaron’s hand, much to his disappointment, although you’re still close enough to him to see your reflection in his brown eyes. “I didn’t know you felt like that about me,” he says.

  “Which is surprising, because everybody else definitely knew. But you’ve always been a little clueless when it comes to stuff like that,” you tease, flashing him a toothy smile. “But it’s in the past. So come on, I want to hear about this FBI stuff and drink a milkshake so big it makes my stomach hurt.”

  Twenty minutes later, you and Aaron find yourselves smushed together in a corner booth covered in cheap vinyl, splitting a chocolate milkshake and laughing as you stroll down memory lane. 

  “You know, I ran into Stephen yesterday! A little coffee shop not too far from here,” you tell Aaron.

  Aaron almost drops the fry he was about to eat. “Do you mean Stoner Stephen? What is he doing back here?”

  You take a sip of the milkshake, and Aaron’s gaze is intense as you wrap your lips around the straw. When you pull back, he’s still staring at the soft pink your lipstick leaves behind. “Apparently, he’s lived here for years. Also, did you know he’s crazy smart? Like… graduated 4th in our class, went to Brown undergrad and Columbia graduate, smart.”

  Aaron’s eyes go wide in disbelief. “And this is the same guy who, completely sober, tried putting his mattress in the pool so that he didn’t have to sleep in his own dorm?”

  “The very same one. He’s like a lobbyist now or something for some activist group.”

  “Wow, I did not expect that. Do you remember when he got so high that he thought his joint was going to catch the dorms on fire?” Aaron asks, the words barely discernible through his laughter. “So he warned campus police that the whole school was going to burn down.”

  “Yes!” you giggle, your head thrown back in laughter. “They thought it was an arson threat and they had to evacuate the whole school. I was taking an English final during that.”

  Aaron’s shoulder pressing against yours makes a shiver run down your spine. You idly wonder how much closer he can get to you if he really tried.

  As if reading your mind, Aaron turns towards you a little more so that your knees are touching and you can feel his breath on the side of your neck. “We went to the beach that weekend,” he says quietly, unwilling to break eye contact with you. “Drank cheap beer. You got stung by a jellyfish. I had to carry you back to the car.”

  No, no. You were not about to fall for Aaron Hotchner’s charm again that easily. Not again. It took you too long to get over him the first time. Still, you were leaning closer to Aaron, and Aaron was leaning in towards you, and your noses brushed as you tilt your head to the side ever so slightly and—

  And his phone rings. Aaron’s eyes flickered to your lips one last time before pulling away, giving you an apologetic look.

  “Hotchner,” he answers, and you pull your coat tighter around yourself as realization sinks into you. You feel like you’re 17 again, desperately waiting for Aaron to ask you to prom, only to hide in your dorm for days on end when he asked Haley Brooks.

  When Aaron hangs up, he immediately reaches into his pocket to pull out his wallet, setting enough cash on the table to cover the tab and tip. “That was work. We have to fly out to Arizona. I’m sorry.”

  You nod understandingly. “Gotta catch the bad guys. When do you leave?”

  It’s silent for a few torturous moments before he finally answers. “An hour, at most. We brief at the office and then get on the plane.”

  “Wow,” you breathe. “You weren’t kidding when you said that you live out of your suitcase. Can I walk back with you, at least?”

  Aaron smiles, a small smile that makes you wonder how often he actually smiles now. It used to be a lot, but from what he’s told you, it seems like he’s had a rough go of it the last couple of years, and has a lot less to smile about. It makes you sad because when you were traveling the world, his smile was the one thing you missed the most.

  “I’d really like that.”

  The two of you make small talk on the way back, swapping stories about Jack and your various adventures around the globe. The autumn air is crisp with leaves falling all around you. At one point, there was a big gust of wind, and leaves and pine needles got blown onto the two of you, and you took your sweet time running your fingers through his hair, bushing it all off him. 

  When you get to the entrance of the FBI building, neither one of you says anything. You just stand there, both unwilling to say goodbye. You turn to face each other, just as close as you were in the diner booth.

  “Oh, you have a…” Aaron delicately reaches his hand to your hair. His fingers in your hair make your stomach do flips, and you’re almost positive he can hear your racing heartbeat. His eyes stay trained on yours the entire time, never blinking. “Pine needle,” he whispers, holding the offending object between his fingers.

  “Thanks,” you breathe, and you’re not sure if it’s the autumn chill or his hand reaching to cup your cheek that sends goosebumps throughout your body.

  As if he were magnetic, you rise onto your toes, bringing yourself closer to him, and you press your lips against his. Aaron deepens the kiss and runs his thumb across your cheekbone. His other hand wraps itself around your waist. The kiss is slow and sensual and better than anything you could have dreamed of — and you dream of Aaron kissing you more often than you’d like to admit.

  All too soon, the two of you pull away from each other, both wearing matching smiles.

  “I should probably… get in there… before my team sends out a search party,” Aaron says reluctantly, pointing towards the entrance. 

  You give his hand a soft squeeze. “Go save lives. I’ll probably be around for a few more days before heading up to New York. If you’re back by then.”

  Aaron purses his lips, deep in thought. “You’re definitely settling down somewhere? Done with seeing the world?”

  “That’s the plan.”

  “Have you… Do you think…” Aaron takes a grounding breath, trying to gather the words he was too afraid to ask back at graduation. “Have you ever considered settling down here? There’s a pretty big art community here.”

  You shrug, ignoring excitement building in your chest. “I think my work is a little too experimental for the people of the capitol.”

  “You’d be surprised,” he chuckles.

  You bring your lower lip between your teeth, chewing nervously at it. “I don’t know… I left for a reason. I just don’t know what DC has to offer me anymore.”

  Aaron spreads his arms out at his side, palms facing you in an uncharacteristic display of vulnerability. “There’s me,” he offers, and, when your eyes go wide, he adds, “And Stoner Stephen, if I’m not enough.”

  A laugh bursts out of you uncontrollably, which seems to put both you and Aaron at ease. “That makes it a very tempting offer,” you tease.

  “And I have a coworker who flips houses. He’ll be able to tell you where to get the best deal on an apartment,” Aaron presses as if you need any more convincing. As if your mind isn’t already made up.

  “First, I need to know that there’s more than one good place to get milkshakes,” you point out, shoving your hands in your coat pockets. “You’ll have to show me around when you get back.”

  Aaron’s lips quirk up in a hopeful smile. “It’s a date.”

  He makes his way towards the entrance of the Hoover Building, but you call out his name, stopping him once more. “We’ll also need a new Sunday breakfast place. Since our old one is closed down.”

  Now, his smile is one of pure joy, and his eyes are sparkling in a way you haven’t seen in years. “I know just the place. As long as you don’t up and leave without telling me again.”

  “Never again,” you promise, and for once, the idea of staying doesn’t terrify you.

  “Then we’ll get breakfast together as soon as I get back.”

  You smile at him, already missing the feeling of his lips on yours. “I’ll see you then.”