#always found this dynamic a very interesting thing to explore but never made art for it 🤔

[wasleichtesart]

Again a bit late for @rareomens ' February prompt of Crowley and Lucifer, but alas!

What is Lucifer telling our little star maker?

[saintsenara]

I am literally so stressed right now since school is starting up again. I was just scrolling through your posts and I absolutely adore your opinions and thoughts. If you’re still up to the ships asks, I have a few.

For some reason, I have been thinking about age-gap relationships that wouldn’t be quite possible…and added with my love of Severus Snape… 👀👀

Abraxas Malfoy/Severus Snape - I don’t know if you’ve done Lucius/Severus but I just took it a generation back.

Romulus Augustus Lestrange/Severus Snape - I remember you mentioning in Scylla and Charybdis that the two were kindred spirits (?) since they were both killed by Voldemort.

Bellatrix Lestrange/Severus Snape - maybe a bunch of sexual tension during missions? Bellatrix’s attitude toward Severus was mainly suspicion but I feel like she meant it in a ha-ha-I’m-jealous-you’re-the-favorite way, not in a oh-wait-he-actually-is-a-traitor way.

Marlene McKinnon/Severus Snape - I love your take that she was a seasoned veteran in the First Wizarding War. It never made sense to me that everyone in the First Order were all children. Majority, maybe. But all of them being Gryffindors and out-of-school never stuck to me.

Frank Longbottom/Severus Snape - I’ve read a few works for this and I like the few takes there are.

And I already know your thoughts on Lord Voldemort/Severus Snape (it’s a favorite).

I’ve also been thinking about time-travel fix-it’s in general too. How do you think Severus would react if he found himself in Tom Riddle’s era? There’s the take on him being older and aware and absolutely done with his life, and Lord Voldemort (few years out of school or maybe in his 30s to level the age in a way) whose intrigued by the sour man (and maybe gets impressed by his knowledge of the Dark Arts?). Then there’s also student Severus meeting student Tom and getting further radicalized by this young handsome man. There’s so many to explore but at this point, if I don’t get my head out of this rabbit hole, I may never be able to pass school. 😭😭

This turned out to be longer than expected, but I love reading your posts! It’s always so entertaining, especially with your interpretation of Severus Snape. I can rarely ever talk about Severus without being attacked by Marauders fans online.

thank you very much for the ask, pal! i hope this term goes well for you - and that your extremely chic recent interest in snape-related age gap relationships endures.

let's see what we have here...

abraxas malfoy/severus snape romulus lestrange/severus snape

i'm going to take these two together - since romulus is an original character who exists nowhere other than my own head - because they occupy essentially the same role in relation to snape.

i've written before about how i really like the idea of voldemort having three distinct impacts across three separate generations - the knights of walpurgis/the original death eaters, who know the proto-voldemort of the 1940s and 1950s, with his muggle name and his retail job; these men's sons, who know the unassailably powerful voldemort of the 1970s; and these men's sons, who know the paranoid and volatile voldemort of the 1990s.

so you have abraxas - lucius - draco in each of those categories [or, romulus - rodolphus - n/a...]

snape is - of course - part of lucius and rodolphus' generation, and the voldemort he encounters when he becomes a death eater is the unstoppable political force who appears to be made of pure magic - which, naturally, makes snapemort have a very different power dynamic to something like tombraxas.

but it's also clear that snape is someone voldemort takes an interest in because he recognises so much of his former self in him - the slightly feral vibes, the poverty, the disappointing muggle father, the feeling of being an outcast surrounded by posh kids and the desire to bend those same kids to your will.

this is the reason for voldemort arranging things in scylla and charybdis so that snape can lord it over mulciber and avery, and it's also the reason why he's so insistent that abraxas and romulus [and other senior death eaters he knew at school] are nice to him - he's basically enjoying reliving his youth by, once again, making his minions obey someone who is technically their social inferior.

snape lacks the teenage tom riddle's charm [and looks], of course, which means that there's far more condescension inherent in any relationship - platonic or otherwise - that either of these two would have with him than there was in their early relationship with voldemort.

but they also have a fondness for spindly lads with an obsession with magic and regional accents, which means that i'm sure that something can come out of the fireside chats voldemort's compelling them to have with snape while they're forced to host him in their houses...

bellatrix lestrange/severus snape

i am very, very fond of this as a pairing - and, indeed, have something in the works on the topic - and bellatrix's rampant jealousy of snape is exactly why.

one of my preferred ways of exploring snape's position within the death eaters is to think of him as voldemort's exception in terms of social class - that is, that he is the only marked death eater who doesn't come from an elite, quasi-aristocratic background; and that voldemort's supporters who are from lower social classes are kept, like fenrir greyback in the rank-and-file and not permitted to take the mark.

[this is why, in my writing, i always make the carrows a similar level of posh to the malfoys and lestranges - canonically they're rather one-note working-class stereotypes, but i don't think this makes sense given what we know about voldemort's structuring of his organisation during the first war. it's also why i think that peter pettigrew doesn't receive a dark mark until he returns to voldemort post-prisoner of azkaban.]

bellatrix - on the other hand - is voldemort's exception in terms of gender [and another thing i'm wedded to thinking is that alecto carrow also doesn't receive the dark mark until the second war.]

these means, of course, that both she and snape depend on voldemort's favour - especially in the first war, when he still trusts his death eaters sufficiently highly to delegate things to them - much more than the elite male death eaters do.

i think it's reasonable to assume, for example, that rodolphus may object to his wife behaving in a way which defies the gendered conventions elite pureblood women are clearly subject to - and that it's only voldemort's authority that prevents him voicing an objection publicly. or that lucius malfoy - like sirius - conceives of snape as his "lapdog", and it's only voldemort's authority which forces him to treat him as a peer.

which means, of course, that snape and bellatrix are in competition with each other for voldemort's attention in ways which the other death eaters never have to be - which explains their vibe in canon, in which bellatrix finds snape's elevation in voldemort's good books after she falls from grace after the cock-up in the department of mysteries so infuriating.

[it also gives a really interesting dimension to her being completely fucking right about snape's loyalties, but being in the wrong position in voldemort's eyes for her opinion to be trusted by him. you just know she was pissed when she got to the afterlife.]

and - from a shipping perspective - having to be constantly jealous of and obsessed with each other is a very effective way of lighting a spark...

marlene mckinnon/severus snape

i do always like snape with an older woman, because i think it fits his whole vibe, so he goes very nicely with my preferred vision of marlene as a fifty-year-old hard-nosed ministry bitch who fucking loathes mad-eye moody.

the meet-cute? well, spies have to have handlers, don't they? dumbledore passing over his new turncoat death eater to one of his senior lieutenants - particularly given the fact that she's unlikely to be thrilled about this - is something i can get on board with.

frank longbottom/severus snape

frank and alice are other ones i don't enjoy seeing written as part of the marauders' generation - for them to be well-established aurors by the time the lestranges attack them, i think it's reasonable to assume that they're around molly and arthur's age [that is, around ten years old than snape et al.]

so i think we're repeating the same scenario as above - frank needs to debrief the order's new spy. if you know what i mean...

time-travelling snape!

i think that the teenage tom riddle would fucking hate the teenage snape, to be honest. the teen snape we meet in canon is someone who really obviously refuses to play along with the social conventions which govern an institution as elite as hogwarts - and he clearly stands out more for his grubby, feral demeanour, his uncouth manners, his way of speaking, and his refusal to be deferential to his social superiors than he does for his name and blood-status.

[indeed, he's one of the only really visibly working-class students we ever meet in canon - to the extent that i am increasingly convinced that hogwarts is a selective school...]

the young voldemort, in contrast, happily plays along with these social conventions for his own ends - simpering through slug club meetings and sending slughorn pineapple and doing all he can to be viewed as a suitable candidate for head boy, in order both to provide a cover for his wrongdoing and as a way to soothe the chip on his shoulder by beating the posh at their own game.

he's going to think snape's as common as muck, and snape's going to think he's a pretentious cunt.

a post-1981 snape going back in time and finding himself entangled with the young-adult voldemort, in contrast, i think could be rather compelling. it's very interesting that the teenage voldemort's willingness to play-act a fondness for the class system doesn't extend to being prepared to grit his teeth and suffer through a ministry internship slughorn procures for him - and his decision to go off and work in a shop has a slightly bolshy "fuck you, sir" side to it we don't otherwise really see from him.

this voldemort would, i think, be slightly more open to snape's whole vibe, and they could get cracking on all the things which make snapemort a hot ship - the shared love of magical experimentation, the dubious morality, the fact that voldemort's clearly responsible for snape's aesthetic, and so on - several decades early.

one question, though, is whether snape would know who he was.

i go back and forth on how widely voldemort's birth name is known - and whether it's ever connected to him following his return to britain in the mid-1960s.

on the one hand, i think dumbledore's secrecy surrounding it is nonsensical - a substantial proportion of the death eaters were clearly at school with voldemort, and those who weren't are still usually related to these men in some way [i always think, for example, that it's much more plausible to assume that the diary horcrux was given to abraxas malfoy, and that lucius was well aware that his father and voldemort had been at school together] - but on the other, i do wonder whether snape, who comes into voldemort's orbit as - as i've said - an exception would be made privy to the information about voldemort's background which was probably an open secret among the elite male death eaters.

[which also provides an explanation for why bellatrix is so shocked to hear harry say voldemort's a half-blood in order of the phoenix, while lucius malfoy doesn't bat an eyelid.]

which is to say, i am much more taken by the idea of snape - destroyed with grief over lily's death - rocketing backwards three decades, landing in the knockturn alley of 1951, and having no idea until he's in far too deep who the softly-spoken shop-boy who offers him a cuppa will turn out to be...

[nothingmatters-everythingmatters]

[tag sorting!]

#myo is rambling. me when I talk. about literally whatever! sometimes it's actually with a larger point in mind, but uhh. don't expect decently smart words from me usually. it's a mixed bag, though we can always count on it being too long and poorly formatted!!

#responding to asks. also stuff I write, but in response format specifically! I am always happy to respond to things asked in good faith :) or things in bad faith, but the response might just be me shitposting at that point. but yeah! talk to me! I love getting anons and try to respond to them (it might not be quickly, but it will be eventually!)

#art insp. aesthetic stuff I like looking at! hopefully it balances out my blog so it's not all unhinged rambling lmao

#personal reminders. posts I want to come back to for good advice or reminders!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

[intro!]

hello! you can call me myo, and welcome to me straight up rambling in very overdrawn personal writings filled with far too many prepositions (look, I'm just not a grammar person, I write purely off vibes and stream of consciousness with light editing)

I made this blog mostly because I had a nagging desire to:

1) talk about myself in order to excise lingering young adult narcissism

2) rant about things that annoyed me in life because if I did this to people I knew irl they might stop talking to me

3) explore and contribute to communities of ideas that I haven't directly engaged with but would like to. specifically radical feminist and gender critical spaces that I stumbled upon while dealing with a conundrum over gender identity and found greatly helpful to expanding my own viewpoints on life, humanity, and identity. but honestly I talk (read: complain) about whatever is on my mind, not necessarily beholden on any single ideology.

anyways, speaking of identity, a topic I love so much and definitely don't side eye with the strongest of expressions my face can make, I will list some random aspects of myself that will come up in writing because turns out a lot of my self reflection centers around a few specific topics, keep reading if getting to know an internet stranger slightly better for no reason is up your alley--

myo lore:

I am chinese american, not a fact I usually talk about a lot unprompted (semi-lie it is a pretty easily prompted fact) but it sure is culturally what I am! and it does inform my upbringing and family dynamics which unsurprisingly are very interesting to unpack while blogging. I'm technically first generation (I did immigrate) but it's more like 1.75 generation if we want to be really picky (I did immigrate as a baby/toddler) so functionally I am american, but my upbringing is culturally a weird sort of chinese, my parents are fairly influenced by their own upbringings in china, and I think the way I turned out as a person does reflect that to some extent.

I am technically a desister/reconciled from identifying as transmasc non-binary/ftm/basically words to say I wanted to be a man and transition to be one but I hadn't gotten to that point of medicalization so I was stuck in a weird inbetween of being nonbinary as a result, even when I never reallly bought fully into the "being nonbinary" thing. I did not begin to pursue medical transition (due to overwhelming health anxiety lmao) but basically socially transitioned once I started college with a name change (kind of. it's complicated), effort at passing by binding (I found my actual binder I bought really uncomfortable so I never wore it out, but I bought many compression tops, wore lots of layers, and had some classically terrible posture!), he/him and they/them pronouns (though I never really enforced it and cared very little. I was an "any pronouns" kind of person. to my overwhelmingly queer social circles I AM an "any pronouns" person still. it's weirdly become a good litmus test to see how others think of gender but I digress) and using male bathrooms/staying away from female ones if I could. I very nearly began the process to get on testosterone (up to a research phase and plan on exactly which consultant to call) and I very strongly wanted and planned on getting top surgery, but the aforementioned lurking in radfem spaces did give me some clarity, and the also aforementioned health anxiety made me wary of the downsides. I'm still very much gnc presenting, I like dressing "androgynous/masculine" but I'm getting better at accepting my natural state as a woman. I do occasionally regress (dysphoria is pretty rude sometimes) and still get that "longing" and that lingering desire to get certain surgeries or try and pass again, but I am trying very hard to get out of that mindset (because it has proven to be bad for me :p) and have more connection and neutrality with my body.

I identified as asexual for the better part of half a year after chronic online-ness and some recommendations from a gender affirming therapist. now I realize... I am probably not asexual because shockingly I am attracted to women and only women wow. in deeper reflection I realize that a lot of what I attributed to asexuality was in fact a lack of attraction to men!! a shame I didn't realize this before I had one pretty regrettable relationship in high school and a weird ass short lived situationship which had so many red flags and violated boundaries but uhh. deep sigh, hindsight, huh? anyways, this is relevant because I might gripe about the ace community and ace discourse at times since I got kinda deep into it for a bit. I also (obviously) relate to lesbian sexuality and centering women so sometimes I prioritize that kind of thinking in my writing.

I really hate consumerism like quite a lot and am trying to live my life from an anti-consumerist angle and a more sustainable way which is fun since I have been involved in online spaces and hobbies which are in fact very consumerist, and realizing that now I can see a lot of aspects of those spaces and hobbies which should be taken more critically but alas. consumer culture truly runs strong in the states. extending this I am also pretty anti-makeup/cosmetic things that exist purely from marketing and other consumerist aspects of femininity. I'm not gonna stop anyone personally from buying makeup or heels or whatever, but I'm not exactly going to support or encourage them. I think women look their best naturally because they're beautiful naturally!

obviously, I engage with radblr/radical feminism on tumblr! I don't technically consider myself a radfem because I haven't read enough books about it lmao and I'm not really looking to be an "activist" or "thought leader" of radical feminism, but my beliefs are rad-leaning if anything. If we're really getting detailed, I look for detrans/desisted gender critical and/or radfem blogs, and gnc woman or gender critical leftist blogs. I also like to listen to discussions of lesbian feminism because I do relate to their goals a little more personally.

I'm pretty critical of gender ideology and the community around being transgender, from a place of self-reflection more than anything, as I was in fact part of that community (and still am outwardly in the rest of my life unconnected to this blog). just because I am critical of an ideology doesn't mean I'm trying to debate the existence of people identifying as trans! this is an important distinction that maybe should be obvious but I don't literally believe I'm some kind of authority on human behavior. however, what I can do is point out my own observations and logical analyses of reality and tenets of an ideology. critical thinking, yknow? and yeah maybe I'll also air some personal grievances on how trans ideology has been confusing and unhelpful to my own understanding of the self. that's just a given when I try and do meaningful self critique in hopes of improving as an individual.

I don't have dnis it's a case by case thing. if I don't like someone interacting with my stuff I will simply just express that with blocking or something but I don't believe in generalizing people just by what they label themselves as on tumblr dot com. I also try and follow a variety of people with different opinions to keep my dash fresh and my brain thinking critically, I don't endorse everything everyone I follow or reblog says (because also like. I will never 100% agree with anyone) !! if you're willing to strike up a conversation even if it's based on disagreement, I'm here for it! inbox is always open !!

I hope you enjoy reading a bunch more words written like this because that is in fact all that this is!

[rriavian]

Shipper Tag Game

Tagged by @seiya-starsniper <3

What ship were you completely obsessed with as a teenager, but now you don't care about anymore?

I don’t think there are any actually! I’m pretty consistent and will usually circle back to a ship every couple of years 😊

Which ship would you consider your first one?

This is tough, I don’t think I actually remember. Though I think last time I answered this question I mentioned Lord of the Rings because of Aragorn/Arwen

Your first fanfic was about which couple?

My secret anon identity means I can’t answer this honestly – but the first one I’ve written without being anonymous is Corintheus

Do you remember the first couple you saw fan art of?

Long long time ago so not quite sure actually, might be a ship from Harry Potter

Have you ever gotten into ship discourse?

Nope! I try and stay away from it—though I never hide my opinions, I just don’t really engage too much in ship discourse. People are always going to have differing opinions over pairings, and I’ve seen it get very ugly in fandom spaces.

Did you use to have any NOTP or have one currently?

Oh I have a fair few, but usually they are ships I was previously neutral about. Some of them are also things I've previously shipped. My NOTPs are pretty much all results of a not so pleasant fandom experience, so I don’t really talk a lot about what they are. I’m a multishipper so the only time I actually have a NOTP is when a ship is overwhelmingly represented in a way that I just can’t get on board with.

Who were the last couple in the last fanfic you read?

Corintheus 😊 which is definitely what I’m most known for haha, so probably not a surprise

Currently, do you have any OTPs?

As I said…I am a multishipper, and I’ve never really had an OTP. It’s not a concept I really resonate with? Especially with fanfic because for me it’s all about the exploration of possibilities, and I can very much ship multiple things at once. I care more about interesting/well executed characterisation and well written relationship dynamics.

Is there any couple that, to this day, that you are extremely mad about not getting into?

Not really, because if I’m not into a ship in at least some way (or neutral/open to the possibility) then there is usually a very, very good reason.

Is there any ship you used to dislike but now you think they're kind of interesting?

Hmm. Maybe Desire/Unity? But it’s not that I ever really disliked them, more that there are some obvious consent issues within it that initially made me not really consider the ship too closely. The more I see others exploring it the more I’ve found them interesting 😊

Do you have any ship that, in the past, would have been considered normal but now you would be cancelled over?

I don’t think so actually! Though I’m probably forgetting something

What is your favourite crack ship?

Ooh I’ve read a lot of bizarre stuff. Hmm. It might have to be a certain ship that @writing-for-life introduced me to (if you know what I’m talking about it will need no further explanation haha)

What is the couple you read the most fanfics about?

I’m still anon in a lot of fandoms so I can’t actually answer this question too honestly. I haven’t actually been reading that much recently (very focused on writing at the moment)

What do most of your ships have in common?

Equality…in some fashion they are each other’s match. Which sounds like a strange thing to say for Corintheus but it doesn’t necessarily have to be in physical strength/power.

I also ship a fair few ‘enemies to lovers’ ships. Probably for the above reason! It’s the intimacy of it I think. Also the complexity, I like ships where the dynamic is compelling but not necessarily easy to pull off in a fic, because that usually means more thought is put into the execution of it. If that makes sense? And I am very much all about the execution when I read/write.

What do you absolutely hate in a ship?

Butchering characterisation just to play out a binary sex dynamic. Mostly this presents as overt feminisation of the one character who is designated to be ‘weaker’ for reasons both untrue and usually very offensive. Which sounds harsh but it’s something I utterly despise. Folded into this is also one character ‘fixing’ the other character, especially when this involves that character giving up something important/integral to who they are. I see it so much in published fiction as well and it’s just not for me at all.

I also really don’t like it when unhealthy behaviours are romanticised (usually to ‘fix’ one character) or miscommunication when it’s not something silly like accidentally buying your partner the wrong type of coffee because you were so tired you misheard a word.

[soft-bellied-tannies]

Gaining Weight and Love, Pt. 1

Read here or on AO3!

⚠️ Sugar Baby Relationship ⚠️

Somehow, it felt like the most natural decision in the world when Yoongi brought up the idea of exploring a new dynamic in their relationship. They loved each other and were happy in their relationship, but they had way more money than they ever needed and sympathetic hearts. 

Hoseok’s first suggestion was more charity work. As an already philanthropic couple, Yoongi felt that they would not get what they were looking for. They considered getting another dog, trying new hobbies, and taking random couple’s classes. Nothing seemed like the right fit. 

After watching a random drama that his sister suggested, Hoseok offered the idea of a sugar baby. Yoongi immediately rejected it, telling his partner that they were not going to hire someone to have sex with them. That led to a long lesson from Hoseok that there were various ways to approach a relationship like that and it was a way for them to explore their more intense interests. 

They had a very healthy relationship which led to open communication and no judgment from early on. Yoongi had been the one to insist on a kink checklist, seeing where they matched up and determining their hard limits.

A surprising one for both was weight gain, specifically being the one who facilitated someones gaining. They both gave it a try to be the one putting on weight, but it just never worked out - one always sacrificing their pleasure. 

Once Hoseok laid out that this could be their chance to fully explore that aspect of their preferences, Yoongi was all in. The only thing left was to find the right person…or the right couple. It had been a surprise to both of them when they found the best fit for them and it was twice as exciting that it was two people instead of one. 

During their weeks of planning, they had narrowed it down to two potential candidates - Jungkook, their favorite struggling barista, and Jimin, their favorite bartender who knew exactly how to flirt for extra tips. Both were clearly in need of support, always working whenever the pair visited the coffee shop or the bar. They went back and forth on it, Hoseok favoring Jimin and Yoongi favoring Jungkook. 

It turned out to be a happy surprise when they approached the topic with Jimin and he said that he would have to talk to his boyfriend, Jungkook. The pair was shocked that they had managed to scope out another couple for their venture.

An added push was finding out that Jungkook also sold his art online and Jimin worked at a library during the day so both were easily working over 60 hours each week. Yoongi and Hoseok certainly had enough money to give so they decided to ask them both. 

Jimin seemed hesitant at first, wanting to know exactly what the couple wanted from them before agreeing while Jungkook was ready to jump in, grateful for the incredible gift of money that would help him and his boyfriend achieve their dream. After dinner at Yoongi and Hoseok’s penthouse, they managed to get Jimin on board - with his conditions met. 

While they had been more than willing to honor anything Jimin asked for, Hoseok and Yoongi both were pleased to have the discussion. Jimin had clearly done research after the couple presented their goal behind the agreement. He wanted to establish limits, negotiate terms, and ensure his and Jungkook’s safety - all very admirable in their eyes.

Staying healthy, the option to back out and a hard weight limit for himself with Jungkook able to establish his whenever he decided what it may be were his requests that they were happy to maintain. It genuinely made it more enjoyable for them to have active participants who understood rather than them agreeing and ghosting them when it went too far. 

It started slowly with Yoongi and Hoseok giving them a weekly food budget to increase their intake and enough to cover their bills so each could let go of one job. The couple had been nearly underweight due to their intense budgeting and overworking lifestyle so there was an added element to overcome.

Getting them up to the average weight for their height and age was the first step which actually took longer than Yoongi and Hoseok expected. Habits were hard to break and money can be difficult to accept so Jimin and Jungkook did struggle to slow down.

Jimin asked to keep his job at the bar for at least a month to ensure it worked out. He was afraid that they would immediately go under if Yoongi and Hoseok decided they were no longer interested. 

By the end of the first month, Jimin had agreed to leave the bar as he and Jungkook were pretty happy with their new situation. With a few pounds added to Jimin’s frame, his ribs were no longer visible and Jungkook’s additional seven pounds made his midsection just a little softer. Ten pounds between them in one month seemed like a pretty good start. 

Yoongi and Hoseok praised their efforts and asked them to come over more regularly with Jimin now having the evenings open. A few things were quickly learned - Jungkook loved sweets and Jimin was more tempted by savory foods.

They had rented a private studio space for Jungkook to dedicate himself to his online art shop and kept it well stocked with snacks while Jimin would get surprised with a lunch delivery to the library a few times each week. 

Within three months, Yoongi and Hoseok were pleased with their sweet sugar babies. Many things were learned and many enjoyable nights were had. Jimin had gained about twenty pounds, his weight tending to fluctuate a bit. Jungkook was around fifteen higher, hitting a little plateau after his first successful month. 

Their current list of notable aspects of their endeavor included: 

Jimin had started at a very small 135 while Jungkook had a little more to start at 150

They determined that Jimin’s weight limit was 200 while Jungkook was willing to go up to 230, both saying they would reconsider if they actually reached those numbers

Jungkook clearly had a bigger appetite, but Jimin put on weight more easily

Jimin was very much bottom-heavy, his ass holding most of his added weight

Even if the scale didn’t show a bigger number, Jungkook’s weight was more visible

A new challenge came when Jimin and Jungkook received an eviction notice for their apartment, the building being purchased for a larger development and set to be demolished in a few weeks' time. The stress of the situation caused Jimin to drop five pounds in a week and Jungkook to withdraw slightly from their caring hyungs. 

Once confronted about the sudden change, Hoseok and Yoongi were actually relieved to hear the problem. The couple had gotten concerned that Jimin and Jungkook had realized they wanted out and were planning to break off the arrangement. They immediately offered their place as the solution, happy to have them around as much as possible and plenty of space in their large penthouse. 

Jimin and Jungkook thought it over at length and decided it really was their best option. They loved their hyungs and had started to genuinely enjoy their relationship with them - also coming to realize that they were both into their partner’s weight gain. Jungkook couldn’t keep his hands off of Jimin’s widening ass and Jimin loved to give Jungkook gentle belly rubs as they lay in bed. 

Two months into living with Yoongi and Hoseok had clearly manifested onto their sugar babies’ bodies. Between Yoongi’s home cooking every night and Hoseok’s fully stocked pantry, Jungkook had jumped up to 180 - gaining another fast fifteen pounds while Jimin gained back those five pounds lost with another twelve on top putting him at 167.

There had been a great amount of praise and appreciation from their hyungs with a bit of teasing for each other. Jimin knew that Jungkook was slightly jealous of his ass, especially when most of his boyfriend’s weight went to his plump midsection creating a bit of a round belly. The thirty new pounds on Jungkook’s frame made itself most aware on his stomach, visible beneath most of his t-shirts. 

While Jimin had gained the same amount of weight, actually two pounds more than his boyfriend, his stomach was fairly flat - most definitely soft with a thin layer of even pudge but still flat. Unlike Jungkook, however, Jimin’s had become the definition of curvy. His hips widened significantly, emphasizing the roundness of his perky backside and the softness of his thighs. He had to size up his pants three times already to accommodate his ass while his shirt size remained completely the same. 

Once they hit the seventh month of the agreement, Jimin and Jungkook decided to have a conversation with their hyungs. They had been discussing it with each other for some time and felt ready to make a big proposal. Yoongi and Hoseok had been nervous thinking that their ideal life was about to crumble, but they were pleasantly surprised once again. 

Their sugar babies explained that they were no longer comfortable taking their hyungs money when the relationship was so reciprocal and loving. With a promise to continue their gaining agreement without a dollar sign pushing it, Jimin and Jungkook asked to be their boyfriends instead of their sugar babies. Yoongi could have cried with joy and Hoseok actually did, both immediately accepting the idea of a polyamorous relationship with the younger two who they had most certainly fallen for over the past few months. 

By the time it was officially one year spent together, five months of dating, Jimin and Jungkook had gotten to open their dream bookstore with the help of their hyungs and gotten much closer to their weight goals - again, with the help of the hyungs. Their store was thriving and the scale was rising. 

It was a Friday night that found Hoseok and Jungkook out on a one-on-one date, visiting the younger’s favorite food stands in the street market near their building. Yoongi and Jimin had been camped out on the couch, the latest episode of their favorite drama airing that night.

Yoongi had made them an extra spicy tteokbokki since the other two were out as they were the only ones who could handle the heat. The added benefit of the spice causing Jimin’s stomach to bloat may have also been a good reason to make it even if Yoongi wouldn’t openly admit it. 

Over the past five months, the younger two had grown well - the weight distribution on their bodies remaining pretty much the same except for two new places. Jungkook’s hips and thighs had decided to take some of the burden off his stomach which evened out his gain well. And to everyone’s excitement, Jimin finally started to get a bit of belly - still nothing close to Jungkook’s but present enough to be noticed now. 

Yoongi had been the most fixated on Jimin’s new growth, his hand finding the added plushness whenever he could. Between Jimin’s genetics and adamant skincare routine, his little belly was soft and smooth without a single mark or blemish. While empty, his stomach was still easy to miss under his shirts, especially when his prominent ass drew more attention. 

However, when Jimin was full or bloated, his belly rounded out perfectly even and taut - which was the sight Yoongi was enjoying right at that moment. Between the spicy tteokbokki that Jimin had eaten two healthy servings of and his pint of ice cream on top to combat the heat, his belly popped out in front of him looking as if he were four months pregnant. 

As he scraped the last bit of ice cream from the container, Jimin felt Yoongi’s hand reach over to gently rub his stomach. Jungkook definitely enjoyed stuffing and feeling full more than Jimin did, but he would be lying to himself if he said that it was a hardship for him to do. He loved the way his body received his weight and the fact that his boyfriends usually had their hands all over him didn’t hurt at all. 

Jimin knew he was laying it on thick to rile up Yoongi, but he couldn’t resist relaxing fully into the couch with a deep exhale, pushing his belly further into his boyfriend’s hand. Before Yoongi could even say anything, Jimin continued to work him up.

“You know, I’m getting pretty close to my limit.” 

“Hmm?” Yoongi said, not completely listening as he was focused on Jimin’s belly. After a moment, he seemed to process what had been said. “Wait, really?” 

Jimin smirked, feeling a bit of pride at being able to elicit such an interested reaction. He nodded and leaned over to kiss a still-shocked Yoongi. “Yup, the scale said 194 this morning. Only six pounds left.”

Yoongi was speechless for a bit, doing the math in his head and realizing that meant Jimin was one pound away from putting on sixty pounds in one year. “Wow, baby, that’s amazing.” 

“Thanks, love,” Jimin said, genuinely accepting the compliment as he was actually proud of himself too, but he still loved to tease his boyfriend so he continued. “Wanna hear something else pretty amazing?” 

“Of course,” Yoongi answered, his hands moving instinctively as he caressed Jimin’s round midsection. 

“Ggukie was at 218 this morning when we weighed together so it’s a race to see who gets to their limit first,” Jimin replied, his voice dropping into a sultry tone that sent heat pooling in Yoongi’s abdomen - ready to pounce on his sexy boyfriend. 

“You two are going to kill me,” Yoongi mumbled, hands running across Jimin’s middle with more vigor as his lips latched onto Jimin’s neck. “Can’t believe you both gained over sixty pounds in a year. So sexy, baby.” 

Jimin moaned, his resolve quickly breaking with the intense love he was receiving from Yoongi. All three of his boyfriends were thorough in their appreciation for his body and it still melted him into a puddle every time. “You know, Ggukie and I have been talking lately. Coming up with some ideas?” 

“Yeah, baby, what’s that?” Yoongi asked, not slowing down for even one moment as he snuck his hand under Jimin’s shirt to finally get his hands directly on his taut, smooth skin. 

“We were thinking about maybe…ah, Yoon…” Jimin started, trailing off when Yoongi dropped his lips lower on his neck, fingers dipping into his waistband. 

Yoongi couldn’t find it in himself to feel bad for distracting Jimin when it brought out such beautiful sounds. “Thinking what, Minnie?” 

Jimin tried to keep his mind clear long enough to share what he was thinking, quickly sinking into the pleasure of Yoongi’s dedicated body worship that was happening. “We researched how to lose weight without building too much muscle and made a plan to drop a bit in a healthy way so we can start gaining all over again. Sounds fun, right?” 

Yoongi stopped his exploration of Jimin’s body, pulling back with wide eyes at the statement. He cupped Jimin’s plump cheeks and pressed a deep kiss onto his lips, trying to convey his appreciation for the action. “You two really thought about that?” 

Jimin shrugged, blushing slightly at the more intense reaction than he was expecting. He took the opportunity to fully explain himself while he had Yoongi’s full attention. 

“Well…yeah. Ggukie and I both really like the feeling of gaining. We like being spoiled and taken care of by you and Hobi, especially because you both do it so well. I still don’t feel comfortable going past 200 - I really like this size, but I don’t want to go higher right now and I want to still gain. Losing some and starting over seemed like the best way for us to keep everyone’s boundaries and still enjoy it. I know I could stay at this size and maintain it, but I genuinely think I wouldn’t like it as much. I know Ggukie wouldn’t. I think it’s at least worth trying and we can always try something else if it doesn’t go well.” 

Yoongi looked at Jimin with a tender expression, hands still on his face as his thumbs gently ran back and forth across Jimin’s soft jaw. “I love you a whole lot, you know that, right?” 

Jimin nodded, actually feeling a bit emotional to hear the sincerity in Yoongi’s tone. “Of course, I love you too.” 

“I think it’s a great idea. Hobi and I will support you both and we will make sure everything is done in a safe way. As long as you and Jungkookie are happy and healthy, then I will gladly go along with it,” Yoongi responded, sinking back down onto the couch after being up on his knees for a while to hover over Jimin.

“But there is one thing," Yoongi added. 

“What?” Jimin asked, expecting Yoongi to make some sort of condition or addition to the proposed plan. He looked at his boyfriend attentively waiting for him to share his thoughts. 

Yoongi leaned forward, hand drifting back to Jimin’s still bloated belly and his lips dropping another kiss on his boyfriend’s cheek before he whispered, “You still have those six pounds to go, baby.” 

“O-Oh…uh, yeah, I do…” Jimin stuttered out, not expecting the conversation to shift back so quickly and definitely not expecting to eat any more that night. However, Jimin was not a quitter and he loved seeing Yoongi worked up over his belly so he went with it. 

“More ice cream?” 

Jimin thought about it for a moment, trying to recall what was stocked in their kitchen. “Is there any of Hobi’s birthday cake left?” 

Yoongi nodded, knowing there was a few slices left on the second shelf of their fridge having thought about Jungkook eating them over the next few days. “You want cake instead?”

“No, cake too,” Jimin said simply, deciding to really go for it. If he and Jungkook were going to lose some weight soon, he should really take his opportunities to get some good stuffings in beforehand. 

“Too?” Yoongi asked, confused about what his boyfriend meant at first. 

“Yeah, can’t have birthday cake without ice cream, right?” Jimin replied with an innocent smile that Yoongi saw right through. His bloated belly that slightly calming down as Jimin digested his big dinner was only going to tighten back up, but neither of them was going to complain - exciting to see what their boyfriends thought when they returned too as Jimin made no mention of stuffing tonight especially when that was more Jungkook’s preference. 

Yoongi leaned forward, patting Jimin’s belly softly and placing a kiss on the younger’s lips. “You are so fucking sexy, Park Jimin. I love you so much,” he declared as he stood up, not taking his eyes off his boyfriend's beautiful body relaxed back on their couch. 

“I love you too, Yoonie. Don’t forget the sprinkles.” 

“I wouldn’t dare, Min,” Yoongi said with a smile as he walked out of the room. 

Jimin’s voice called out after him a few seconds later. “Can you add some whipped cream too?” 

“Of course!” 

“Maybe some of that caramel sauce that Hobi made too!” 

“Okay, Min, sounds good!”

“And some chocolate chips!” 

Yoongi nearly moaned in response to the order Jimin was racking up, “ Absolutely. ” 

All Yoongi got in response was Jimin’s happy laughter from the living room as he waited patiently for the hefty round two of his dessert. As he piled on the ingredients, the front opened to reveal their boyfriends returning home from their date. 

“We’re back, loves!” Hoseok called out followed by a stuffed-looking Jungkook saying, “We brought mochi!” 

Yoongi could have fallen over at the response from Jimin who seemed to be on a mission to kill him that night. 

“Ooh, mochi! Come share with me, Ggukie!”

[librarygraveyard]

long fuckin update

wow. hi.

so, uh, updating as i read got away from me because i just started...tearing through books again. i have some backlogged notes that i wanted to make into posts, but a one-two combo of ADHD meds and rediscovering the many, many magics of the library, but particularly the “oh shit, that library book is actually due, i have to read it before that date even if i can renew it because if i dont read it NOW i never will” deadline-imposed executive functioning really knocked me straight into like, 10 books at once.

all that to say: 1) i finished My Grandmother Asked Me to Tell You She’s Sorry (Fredrich Backman) and it has perhaps become my favorite book of all time. definitely an oomph of a book in the best way. i wanted to write a more thorough post about it, but i was knocked out by COVID, so i went on to read 2) coraline (neil gaiman)! i’d never read it, and i think if i’d read it when i was a bit younger i’d have loved the adventure and suspense of it, but given that i read it a) after i saw the movie in college (adore the movie) b) as a 23 year old, it fell firmly in the category of “i’m glad i’ve read this. i am very glad this book exists. i am also very glad the movie exists, if only because i feel like the soundtrack adds and because coraline should forever have blue hair and a yellow raincoat.” 3) then i read As the Crow Flies (Melanie Gillman), which is a graphic novel about a teen kid at a church retreat, and while the art is stylistically lovely and the story tries to do some interesting things, it felt like it ended at least two chapters too early? There were a lot of unanswered questions despite the nuances, and the kids are supposed to be 13-14 and they read like 15-16yos, in my opinion. It was less than I thought it would be, given how critically acclaimed it is---but I often find anything intersecting religion and queerness in an interesting way seems to receive critical acclaim (and critical ire) if it’s executed decently, because that’s what’s “interesting” now. 4) Then The Graveyard Book (Neil Gaiman) --Another Gaiman I’d never read, and this one I found delightful; it’s slightly episodic as it tells a coming-of-age story, and yet also explores themes of loss in life: loss of community loss of family, change of family dynamic as a type of grief, and loss of home---even if as a temporary displacement---as its own grief, and how grief is in itself a form of longing, and how that longing can’t always be fulfilled with an exact replacement, but how life is yours for the living and as long as you are alive you are in motion and you have potential, and to die is to end that potential. you have completed all the changes you will make in yourself and in the world. i even named a spotify playlist around this theme, and captioned it with a quote from Silas, the main character’s guardian: “face your life; leave no path untaken”---“You're alive, Bod. That means you have infinite potential. You can do anything, make anything, dream anything. If you can change the world, the world will change. Potential. Once you're dead, it's gone. Over. You've made what you've made, dreamed your dream....That potential is finished." 5) by the time I finished TGB I had finally tested negative for COVID and recovered in full, so I was able to pick up Spinning Silver (Naomi Novik) from the library. And oh. Oh my fuck??? I want this book for Christmas. Someone please get me this for Christmas. I saw the first page posted on twitter, which is how I found out about it at all and got hooked in the first place, but to go from that to an incredibly intricate story that balances so many arcs??? I mean, does she do it perfectly? No. There are absolutely some questionable points where I wonder if the plates are going to fall. There are absolutely some dropped threads that, yes, the world is richer for them having been hinted at, but also, given the tightly-woven story with so many threads so carefully developed, dropped, and continued at later points, it is weird to get to the end and go “Wait, but what about...????” My friends and I had a long conversation about SS last night---like, two hours long, and this being a full month and three books on after I finished it (and they read it ages ago), so I’ll spare you the analysis. But, the aspects of magic in the book, the commentary on work as proof of magic and economics as power and opening the door to both self-power and social power and that itself being magic; the political commentary and EVERYTHING going on with Mirnatius and Irina individually and as an arranged, very political marriage; the mythology of the world...yeah. yeah. if there’s anything i would recommend you on this list wholesale not knowing you, it’s Spinning Silver. 6) then, Sensory: Life on the Spectrum (Rebecca Ollerton) had come out, so I worked my way through that---it’s a comic anthology entirely from autistic artists talking about various parts of their experiences. I found it mostly to be geared toward autistic acceptance/narratives surrounding “life sucked. then i got diagnosed with autism/learned autism exists and realized im Not shit, im just Neurodivergent,” which is a fantastic resource to have and i’m very glad it exists, but the comics that stood out to me the most in the anthology were the ones that deviated from that structure. The two most memorable comics in the anthology, to me, was one that used pocket watches (the artist’s special interest) as their central imagery, and one that had circulated around tumblr that discussed neurodivergence and non-negative self-injury using stylized fruit characters. I would mostly recommend this anthology to someone who is new to the autistic community, or to neurotypical people.

7) i hit a bit of a slump after this (because how the fuck do you follow Spinning Silver?), but I was literally like, 85% through a reread of Norse Mythology (Neil Gaiman) via audiobook from a road trip I went on in May, with only about an hour and a half left to listen. So I wrapped that up. I had never listened to the audiobook---the first (and only) time I read Norse Mythology i began it just before my flight home from college......and then I devoured it across my two flights home and two flights back, despite my return flights being at like, 6AM. Hearing it in Neil Gaiman’s voice and cadence definitely brought the stories he was telling to life, whether on the winding back roads of Tennessee or in my living room while I finished an art project for a friend’s very, very belated birthday. 8) the last and latest book I’ve finished is Turtles All the Way Down (John Green), which was good, and then the last two pages absolutely knocked me flat on my ass. it was like, “oh, this is a good YA book about mental health, and there’s nuance without losing sight of the fact that Mental Illness Is Fucking Hard To Live With, and everybody feels 16, and---oh my fuck WHAT” so anyway. no spoilers, because to spoil it would be to ruin your chance to get knocked flat, but Turtles All The Way Down for YA book about living with mental illness of all time.

--- in December, I set a goal for myself to read 12 books in 2022.

...I read eight of the ten books I’ve completed this year since September. 

Four of those I read in one (1) month with COVID.

I was prescribed ADHD medication at the end of August. 

this isn’t the blog where I yell about all that, but... i cannot imagine how different college could have been for me. how different my life could be.

anyway, meds are an access need.

[msgrubbly-plank]

Hi! I found your post on authorial intent and characterization interesting and I have a question about your argument that it doesn’t betray James’s fundamental characteristics/isn’t a complete OOC decision.

When Harry confronts Sirius and Remus about SWM, Sirius tells him “James - whatever else he may have appeared to you, Harry - always hated the Dark Arts.” Sirius is defending James here, sure, but he’s also the person who knew James best and, importantly, chose him as an escape from his family who did strongly believe in that ideology. Speaking strictly in terms of characteristics rooted in canon, I find it hard to believe he would make this choice for someone who didn’t stand firmly opposite of his family in ideological beliefs.

I also think it can be argued as OOC for Lily from a canon standpoint, though we obviously have much less to go on with her. She defends Snape for years because he’s her childhood friend, but as soon as he gives her concrete proof of his prejudice, she’s out. He’s aware of this boundary at some level - he avoids revealing this prejudice in the early scenes of Prince’s Tale, despite nearly slipping up a few times. I struggle to imagine what she would find attractive about someone who publicly aligns themselves with a group dedicated to genocide against people like her.

I guess my question would be why would Jily be the relationship to explore these themes? Other ships have that dynamic by default and don’t necessitate rewriting both characters’ backgrounds to create it. This isn’t meant as an argument against ignoring OOC fanfic, or to discount your points; I find discussions on characterization interesting and wanted to offer a perspective on it from someone who does think it’s OOC and was wondering how you see that Sirius quote in relation to James’s character.

Thanks so much for this! You've really made me think and you've laid out some great points. I wrote a lot (way too much) so I divided it into sections for readability. This is very long so I recommend a beverage if you read it.

Disclaimer: I go into a little greater detail about this below, but my arguments cannot necessarily be applied to all DE! James fan fictions because they have him motivated by such different things. In the case of this write up, I specifically had the fan fiction story Bought by scriible in mind. It will be valuable to pay close attention to where I say "necessarily" in my arguments, because I agree that DE! James can absolutely be OOC in some fan fictions.

TL;DR

If canon James Potter lived the same life but joined the DE, it would be an OOC decision. If James Potter retains his characteristics but lives in a different world/lives a different life, his choice to join the DE is not necessarily OOC because the motivations behind the choice are "canon compliant" even if their outcome is different.

OOC

OOC is a character saying something or choosing to do something that is inconsistent with their personality. Within the constraints of a story, there are limits to what a character would reasonably or realistically do. The author has to lay a foundation of their backstory and history to establish these constraints. For example, although Narcissa Malfoy is portrayed as being sympathetic to the DE cause, she has always been shown as a devoted mother. Although her decision in the forest to save Harry goes against her political beliefs/ties, it is not an OOC decision because JKR established the intrinsic trait of her loving/protective of her son.

Arguments I Saw

My post was a response to the arguments I had seen about DE! James fics being OOC because he would never join the DE because he hated Dark Magic/DE.

Fundamental Characteristics vs Outcomes

The way I was differentiating it in my head was the fundamental characteristics of a person vs the outcomes/material conditions of their lives. The former would be the intrinsic traits of a person (bravery, intelligence, loyalty, ambition) and the latter would be things that contribute to who they are that are driven by their environment/life (House placement, fighting for the Order vs the DE etc). As we know from canon, your fundamental characteristics could "belong" in any Hogwarts House (Harry potentially being in Slytherin, Hermione could have been in Ravenclaw etc). Therefore, it is reasonable to say that James could have been sorted into Slytherin while still retaining his fundamental characteristics/being the "same" person.

(Obviously my argument of intrinsic characteristics is not a scientific one, because there's a discussion for how nature/nurture would play into someone's level of bravery, intelligence, loyalty, ambition, etc. However, I maintain that the internal traits to a person are different than the outcomes/results of their life.)

DE! James Stories

In this section I am only referring to the stories where he is authentically a DE. There are of course examples where he is a double agent.

In many of the DE! James stories he's sorted into Slytherin. That is the catalyst for divergence in his life and him joining the DE instead of the Order, rather than it being an illogical/OOC decision with no "supporting evidence" (illogical in the context of his AU life not morally).

We can assume his canon path is:James as he normally is/with all his intrinsic traits>sorted into Gryffindor>that shapes his perspective on DE/Dark Magic>joins the Order. In DE!James fics, it would be: James as he normally is/with all his intrinsic traits>sorted into Slytherin>that molds/shapes his perspective on DE/Dark Magic>joins DE.

If he follows his canon path, deciding to join the DE would be OOC. Because he retains his intrinsic characteristics but follows a different path, deciding to join the DE is a reasonable choice within the constraints of his character directed by different circumstances rather than OOC.

James and the Dark Arts

In my personal opinion, hating the Dark Arts is an outcome based on his environment, rather than an intrinsic characteristic of him. In the context of Harry Potter, it's basically a political opinion. He was molded to hate the Dark Arts by his family/house/material conditions of his life. His opinion of the Dark Arts (whether in canon or in fan fiction) is something he develops. If those conditions are changed, his opinion of the Dark Arts does too.

Arguing With Myself

I think one can reasonably argue that hating the Dark Arts, while not an intrinsic characteristic, is so fundamental to his character/personality that any story that portrays him as having a different relationship to it is OOC. I think that could be perfectly valid, but also think his fundamental traits are still what make him James rather than his life path. However- the former is more supported by HP themes/theses than the latter. Because HP is so focused on choices being more important than intrinsic abilities, James choosing to join the DE would be the defining aspect of his character rather than those traits he was "born" with.

However (again), what do we do with the stories where DE! James gets a redemption arc? He made the choice to join the DE, but then chooses to defect. Which choice is more in/out of character? Is there space for an in character James Potter to realize the error of his ways? He matures/grows past his bad decisions in canon. I think a DE! James that makes bad choices and then grows up to make better ones follows the same framework of canon, even if it happens at a different point in his lifestream/in a different fashion.

I maintain that most of the choices made by DE! James Potter can define his character in the same way as his canon self. In Bought, he chooses to join the DE to protect his loved ones and himself. He also choose to sacrifice his own safety for Lily at great physical detriment. The choice to join a group to protect his loved ones is the same choice he makes in canon, it is just the other group. Much like my argument about intrinsic characteristics being maintained in the context of different circumstances, if the motivations and choices made by DE! James are similar or the same to his canon self, he is not OOC even if the outcomes are different (Order vs DE).

Essentially, I view his choice as "do I put myself in danger to protect my friends or do I not protect my friends" rather than "do I join the Order or the DE". He still makes the same choice in the fanfics as in canon, the conditions of the choice are just different.

Ultimately- an OOC choice would mean that James was choosing something outside of the constraints established by the author. JKR has established James would do anything for his friends and be loyal and trusting to a fault, therefore James choosing the Death Eaters to protect his loved ones is still an in character decision because it is reasonable within the context of his AU life.

Sirius/James

In most (all?) of the fan fictions I have read, the Marauders are sorted into Slytherin with James. In these stories, James does not make the choice to take Sirius in because Sirius is not disowned. However, the sacrificing/loyal trait/choice is still present and just manifests itself through different decisions. If that trait/choice is still present, but the circumstances through which it surfaces are changed, he is not OOC but rather dealing with AU situations.

Lily/James

You're right that Lily is harder to argue for/against because we don't know much about her. Also- because there are so many different DE! James fics that have him doing different things/getting together with Lily in different ways, it's hard to speak for the trope as a whole. In some, they get together because Lily/James kill Voldemort and become the new Dark Lords. In others, Lily gets together with James for her own safety within the context of that world. It could be a totally valid reading to argue Lily deciding to be with DE! James is an OOC decision. I also think (if she retains the traits of her canon self) her being with DE! James is a response to different circumstances rather than an OOC choice. Because her surroundings/world are different, she retains her characteristics but makes different choices. We know canon Lily is willing to do the hard thing to survive (hides in Godric's Hollow with Harry/James, ) and her choosing to be with James for her safety at the expense of her personal values can be viewed as an in character choice motivated by the AU circumstances. Her choice is "do I do all I can to protect myself/those I love or not" and she still makes it in these fan fictions.

Why Jily?

I think my answer to your final question is going to be disappointing. Jily is being used to explore these themes because people like James and Lily as characters/archetypes and find it interesting to see them handle a new twist to their dynamic. The Draco/Hermione relationship explores this in many fan fictions so the trope's content is there, but I think some people just aren't into Draco/Hermione and want to see similar themes explored with their favorite characters. It's a similar motivation to why people write the Marvel characters attending Hogwarts.

Wrap Up

HP holds choices as a sacred value. Within the context of canon, James Potter joining the DE would be OOC because of the conditions of his life. In a fan fiction where the conditions of his life are altered, it is not necessarily an OOC decision to join the DE if his intrinsic characteristics are maintained and if he is still making that choice motivated by the same things as in canon, regardless of the outcome.

Ultimately- anyone is at liberty to decide DE! James is an OOC for them. I'm claiming if James retains his intrinsic characteristics that we know from canon and makes the same choices, even if they result in different outcomes, but follows a different life path/deals with different circumstances, he is not necessarily categorized as OOC.

I loved thinking through this one and writing up my thoughts. Thanks so much for the ask.

[gra-sonas]

What was it like to do the time jump this season and see what that time has done for your character? Tyler Blackburn: Yeah, well, it’s definitely been an interesting time lapse. Last time, before the lapse, you see his father being killed, which probably brought about a lot of complex thoughts and emotions for him. So, to have that time jump, he probably had a lot of therapy during that time. I feel like he comes into season three with like a little bit of a lighter energy, he’s probably had to the process a lot of that stuff. He has just a little bit more freedom within himself to be himself and I think that that’s probably one of the most evident things. He and Guerin have sort of stepped away from each other, but I think that’s probably for the best at this point. So, he’s kind of just exploring himself in a really new light.

I don’t have to tell you that your character is a fan favorite on the show, I’m sure you’re very aware of that. So, what has that been like to see the fan response, how much they respond to this character, love this character, and root for him? Tyler Blackburn: Yeah, I mean, that I can talk about for a while, because it’s pretty amazing, in a nutshell. I feel like to live in a day and age now where a gay character can be celebrated so much, just in the masses is so important, which is one of the main reasons I really wanted to take on the role, because there is such a shift in narrative. I just think the fact that it’s so supported as a storyline and he’s so supported as a character, it’s really inspiring to me. So, it feels gratifying and as an actor, to be able to express love towards another man on camera, it’s pretty liberating because it’s been a taboo thing for so long. So, it’s really empowering as an actor.

The show has already been renewed for another season, so huge congrats on that. What was that moment like when you found out the news? I believe you were still filming, so it must have been nice to know like this wouldn’t be the last time playing this character. Tyler Blackburn: Yeah, I mean, everything has been a whirlwind in 2020 and 2021 now. We were shooting season three during the pandemic, which was equally intense and comforting at the same time just knowing we had a job and things like that. So, it was a crazy time. Then hearing about season four definitely felt like a whirlwind, but also great because it just solidified multiple things: that the cast and crew would have work and also, that the fans clearly are stoked. So, that’s great.

Again, I’m sure I don’t have to tell you that you are also part of a fan favorite ship. So, what can you tease about them? Tyler Blackburn: Yeah, well, I’m not gonna say too much because I definitely think that this season has some interesting moments in it that I think should be left to surprise, but I think that at the base of everything no matter what their actual relationship status is, to quote the show, there’s something cosmic about them. That kind of love just never goes away completely. So, they are taking time apart, they don’t have a relationship outside of just kind of friends at this point, but I think that they’re building a foundation that could potentially lead to something else. I think that their history was like so wrought with just chaos and a little bit of trauma, I’d say. So, I think this is an opportunity for them to sort of reimagine themselves and potentially their relationship, so you’ll have to see how that unfolds. It’s not like just overnight they’re gonna wake up and be in the same bed together, you know? So, there’s a progression.

Obviously, this is not your first hit show, you were also on Pretty Little Liars. So, if you could bring any of the PLL characters to Roswell, New Mexico for an episode, which would you pick? Caleb, can be included as a choice too. Tyler Blackburn: Oh, that would be interesting. Man, I might bring Caleb, but I also might bring Spencer, because Caleb and Spencer, they both are extremely intelligent and well versed in computers and things of that nature that could be advantageous to have around in Roswell. So, I’ll say Spencer, I think that would be interesting. I also feel like she would probably really believe everything that’s going on pretty easily. I can’t imagine the other girls being like extremely on board with everything.

For the next episode, we got some promo pictures and fans were beyond excited to see that Alex will be having a scene with Liz. What can you tease about that? Tyler Blackburn: Yeah, it’s definitely fun to have scenes with Jeanine. They are friends, they’ve been friends for so long. So, we don’t really see them interact too much. The scene, basically, I’m doing Liz a favor and I think that ultimately it just shows their dynamic and it shows that everything aside, they’re just always going to be there for each other, to help and kind of talk each other down a bit. So, that’s kind of what you see as evidence in that scene. Yeah, I think it’s gonna be good. Jeanine is just such a delight. She’s always in a good mood, which it’s like, “How can I have some of that? Please give it to me.” She’s so made for this role, not even just as Liz, but as the female lead of a show. She’s just so empowering and so empowered. I really actually look up to her a lot. I call her for advice, it’s funny how sometimes art imitates life in that way. Jeanine is incredible, she’s so deserving of what she is experiencing in life right now. Suddenly, this is like an interview about Jeanine– no, but I just love her so much. So, it’s fun to work with her.

If you could create a tagline to describe what is to come for Alex in the rest of the season, what would you pick? Tyler Blackburn: I’m trying to remember every detail of what does come, because we shoot it and then it’s like, “Wait, what did we shoot,” because I want to give a good answer. I keep thinking of those Housewives shows, where they have taglines that are– I haven’t watched one of those in years– but they’re like, “I love money and dogs,” that’s like their tagline. What is Alex’s? I think that there is a really interesting turn for him where he starts to question what he knows to be true. So like, ‘All is not what it seems,’ maybe? Something like that. I mean, that’s kind of applicable to those Housewives, because I’m sure what you see on screen is not the truth.

[bakapandy]

Hi, I'm new to your blog. Can I just first say it's so refreshing seeing someone who focuses on the platonic side of things? I love your focus on these families, and how they interact with each other! I do have one other question, though, just for fun. Any thoughts on Mirai? I loved her sibling-like relationship with Shikadai in the novels, and your art made me wonder how she'd get along with Shinki.

Thank you! Idk why but every since I was little, shipping in Naruto was never something I was really into. Like I shipped hardcore in other series, but in Naruto??? It just wasn’t something I was focused on. Ofc I have my ship preferences (ShikaTema is my number 1 from the series) but I’ve always just loved the incredibly strong bonds these characters have with each other that never really focused on the romance. Also I just love love LOVE family dynamics which is why the Sand-Nara family is my favorite bc all of my fave characters??? in one family???? how could it be any better.

Anyway, about Mirai, I’ll definitely want to explore her character at some point. She’s very interesting and I think he design is cute. Her relationship Shikamaru and Shikadai is also very cute. I always found her brief encounter with Shinki at the end of the Shukaku Arc to be interesting…Shinki doesn’t say it in malice but mentions that he “Won’t speak to anyone below Jounin rank” to which Mirai had a pretty strong reaction. I feel like as the child of two Jounin during the war eras and a descendant of the Sarutobi clan, she has a lot of expectation and pressure on her, if not from her own family (which I doubt) but from herself. So Shinki pointing out that she’s still just chuunin was a sore spot for her.

I feel like after that encounter she probably finds Shinki to be a rather disagreeable person HAHAH but he’s also Shikamaru nephew/Shikadai’s cousin. But I feel like these two branches of the family probably rarely interact unless it’s some big family event haha

[flufffysocks]

let's talk about andi mack's worldbuilding

sorry this took forever to make! i've been pretty busy with school stuff and i kind of lost my inspiration for a bit, but i ultimately really enjoyed writing it! i wish i could've included more pics (tumblr has a max of 10 per post), and it kinda turned from less of a mini analysis to more of an extremely long rant... but i hope it's still a fun read!

i've been rewatching the show over the past few weeks (thanks again to @disneymack for the link!), and i’ve been noticing a lot that i never did the first time around. this is really the first time i’ve watched the show from start to finish since it aired, and it honestly feels so different this time - probably a combination of the fact that i’m not as focused on plot and can appreciate the show as a whole, and also that the fandom is much, much smaller now, so there’s a lot less noise. so the way i’m consuming this show feels super different than it did the first time, but the show itself doesn’t - it’s just as warm and comforting to me as it was the first time around, if not more so.

i think a lot of that can be attributed to andi mack’s “worldbuilding”. i’m not quite sure that this is the right word in this context, to be honest, because i mostly see it used in reference to fantasy and sci-fi universes, but it just sort of feels right to me for andi mack, because you can really tell how much love and care went into constructing this universe. for clarity, worldbuilding is “the process of creating an imaginary world” in its simplest sense. there’s two main types: hard worldbuilding, which involves inventing entire universes, languages, people, cultures, places, foods, etc. from scratch (think “lord of the rings” or “dune”), and soft worldbuilding, in which the creators don’t explicitly state or explain much about the fictional universe, but rather let it’s nature reveal itself as the story progresses (think studio ghibli films). andi mack to me falls in the soft worldbuilding category. even though it takes place in a realistic fiction universe, there’s a lot of aspects to it that are inexplicably novel in really subtle ways.

so watching the show now, i’ve noticed that the worldbuilding comes primarily from two things - setting and props, and oftentimes the both of them in tandem (because a big part of setting in filmmaking does depend on the props placed in it!).

one of the most obvious examples is the spoon. it really is a sort of quintessential, tropic setting in that it's the main gang's "spot", which automatically gives it a warm and homey feel to it. and its set design only amplifies this:

the choice to make it a very traditional 50s-style diner creates a very nostalgic, retro feel to it, which is something that's really consistent throughout the show, as you'll see. from the round stools at the bar, to the booths, to the staff uniforms, this is very obvious. the thing that i found especially interesting about it though is the choice of color. the typical 50s diner is outfitted with metallic surfaces and red accented furnishings, but the spoon is very distinctly not this.

instead, it's dressed in vibrant teal and orange, giving it a very fresh and modern take on a classic look. so it still maintains that feeling of being funky and retro, but that doesn't retract from the fact that the show is set distinctly in modern times.

of course, this could just be a one-off quirky set piece, but this idea of modernizing and novelizing "retro" things is a really common motif throughout the show. take red rooster records. i mean, it's a record shop - need i say more? it's obviously a very prominent store in shadyside, at least for the main characters, but there's no apparent reason why it is (until season 2 when bowie starts working there, and jonah starts performing there). a lot of the time, though, it functions solely as a record shop. vinyl obviously isn't the most practical or convenient way of listening to music, but it's had its resurgence in pop culture even in the real world, mostly due to its aesthetic value, so it's safe to say that it serves the same purpose in the andi mack universe.

the fringe seems to be nostalgic of a different era, specifically the Y2K/early 2000s period (because it's meant to be bex's territory and symbolic of who she used to be, and its later transformation into cloud 10 is representative of her character arc, but that's beside the point). to be honest, exactly what this store was supposed to be always confused me. it was kind of a combination party store/clothing store/makeup store/beauty parlor? i think that's sort of the point of it though, it's supposed to feel very grunge-y and chaotic (within the confines of a relatively mellow-toned show, of course), and it's supposed to act as a sort of treasure chest of little curios that both make the place interesting and allow the characters to interact with it.

and, of course, there's andi shack. this is really the cherry on top of all of andi mack's sets, just because it's so distinctly andi. it serves such amazing narrative purpose for her (ex. the storyline where cece and ham were going to move - i really loved this because it highlights its place in the andi mack universe so well, and i'm a sucker for the paper cranes shot + i'm still salty that sadie's cranes didn't make it into the finale) and it's the perfect reflection of andi's character development because of how dynamic it is (the crafts and art supplies can get moved around or switched out, and there's always new creations visible).

going back to the nostalgia motif though, the "shack" aspect of it always struck me as very treehouse-like. personally, whenever i think of treehouses, there's this very golden sheen of childhood about it, if that makes sense. i've always seen treehouses in media as a sort of shelter for characters' youthful innocence and idealistic memories. for example, the episode "up a tree" from good luck charlie, the episode "treehouse" from modern family, and "to all the boys 2" all use a treehouse setting as a device to explore the character's desire to hold onto their perfect image of their childhood (side note: this exact theme is actually explored in andi mack in the episode "perfect day 2.0"!). andi shack is no exception to this, but it harnesses this childhood idealism in the same way that it captures the nostalgia of the 50s in the spoon, or the early 2000s in the fringe. it's not some image of a distant past being reflected through that setting; it's very present, and very alive, because it reflects andi as she is in the given moment.

some honorable mentions of more one-off settings include the ferris wheel (from "the snorpion"), the alley art gallery (from "a walker to remember"), SAVA, the color factory (from "it's a dilemna"), and my personal favorite, the cake shop (from "that syncing feeling").

[every time i watch this episode i want to eat those cakes so bad]

these settings have less of a distinctly nostalgic feel (especially the color factory, which is a very late 2010s, instagram era setting), but they all definitely have an aura of perfection about them. andi mack is all about bright, colorful visuals, and these settings really play to that, making the andi mack universe seem really fun and inviting, and frankly very instagrammable (literally so, when it comes to the color factory!).

props, on the other hand, are probably a much less obvious tool of worldbuilding. they definitely take up less space in the frame and are generally not as noticeable (i'm sure i'll have missed a bunch that will be great examples, but i'm kind of coming up with all of this off the top of my head), but they really tie everything together.

for example, bex's box, bex's polaroid, and the old tv at the mack apartment (the tv is usually only visible in the periphery of some shots, so you might not catch it at first glance) all complement that very retro aesthetic established through the settings (especially the polaroid and the tv, because there's really no good reason that the characters would otherwise be using these).

besides this, andi's artistic nature provides the perfect excuse for plenty of colorful, crafty props to amplify the visuals and the tone. obviously, as i discussed before, andi shack is the best example of this because it's filled with interesting props. but you also see bits of andi's (and other people's) crafts popping up throughout the show (ex. the tape on the fridge in the mack apartment, andi's and libby's headbands in "the new girls", walker's shoes, andi's phone case, and of course, the bracelet). not only does doing this really solidify this talent as an essential tenet of andi's character, but it also just makes the entirety of shadyside feel like an extension of andi shack. the whole town is a canvas for her crafts (or art, depending on how you want to look at it. i say it's both), and it immensely adds to shadyside's idealism. because who wouldn't want to live in a world made of andi mack's creations?

and, while it's not exactly a prop, the characters' wardrobe is undoubtedly a major influence on the show's worldbuilding. true to it's nature as a disney channel show, all of the characters are always dressed in exceptionally curated outfits of whatever the current trends are, making the show that much more visually appealing. i won't elaborate too much on this, because i could honestly write a whole other analysis on andi mack's fashion (my favorites are andi's and bex's outfits! and kudos to the costume designer(s) for creating such wonderful and in-character wardrobes!). but, i think it's a really really important aspect of how the show's universe is perceived, so it had to be touched upon.

[^ some of my favorite outfits from the show! i am so obsessed with andi's jacket in the finale, and i aspire to be at bex's level of being a leather jacket bisexual]

and lastly, phones. this is a bit of an interesting case (pun intended), because the way they're used fluctuates a bit throughout the show, but i definitely noticed that at least in the first season terri minsky tried to avoid using them altogether. these efforts at distancing from modern tech really grounds the show in it's idealist, nostalgia-heavy roots, so even when the characters start using their phones more later in the show, they don't alter the viewer's impression of the andi mack universe very much.

so, what does all of this have to do with worldbuilding? in andi mack's case, because it's set in a realistic universe and not a fantasy one, a lot of what sets it apart from the real world comes down to tone. because, as much as this world is based on our own, it really does feel separate from it, like an alternate reality that's just slightly more perfect than ours, which makes all the difference. it's the idealism in color and composition in andi mack's settings that makes it so unmistakably andi mack. even the weather is always sunny and perfect (which is incredibly ironic because the town is called shadyside - yes, i am very proud of that observation).

the andi mack universe resides somewhere in this perfect medium that makes it feel like a small town in the middle of nowhere (almost like hill valley in 1955 from "back to the future"), but at the same time like an enclave within a big city (because of its proximity to so many modern, unique, and honestly very classy looking establishments). it is, essentially, an unattainable dream land that tricks you into believing it is attainable because it's just real enough.

all this to say, andi mack does an amazing job of creating of polished, perfect world for its characters. this is pretty common among disney channel and nickelodeon shows, but because most other shows tend to be filmed in a studio with three-wall sets, andi mack is really set apart from them in that it automatically feels more real and tangible. it has its quintessential recurring locations, but it has far more of them (most disney/nick shows usually only have 3-4 recurring settings), and it has a lot more one-off locations. it's also a lot more considerate when it comes to its props, so rather than the show just looking garish and aggressively trendy, it has a distinctive style that's actually appropriate to the characters and the story. overall this creates the effect of expanding the universe, making shadyside feel like it really is a part of a wider world, rather than an artificial bubble. it's idealism is, first and foremost, grounded in reality, and that provides a basis for its brilliant, creative, and relatable storytelling.

tl;dr: andi mack's sets and props give it a very retro and nostalgic tone which makes its whole universe seem super perfect and i want to live there so bad!!

[attackfish]

Fanfiction assumption meme

You almost consider this a joke account

You’re not very confident, possibly because you were put down a lot by your parents over the things you made when you were younger

Height : 5’4

You saw everyone else’s hot takes on your favorite fandom and said. “Yeah I’m gonna just ignore all of you.”

Romance is over rated, ie, typical romances you see in media, including fanfiction, you just. Are not here for.

You’re not as appreciated as you should be. I’m not sure if you’ve figured that out yet or not.

You DEFINITELY at some point in your teen/pre-teen years had a notebook for fanfiction.

Perhaps I considered this account and the Livejournal account that preceeded it a joke at some point, but after more than a decade, that's vanished, along with my pride.

My parents are wonderfully supportive, and encouraged my creativity and curiosity as a child. My whole family is disabled in different ways, and most of us have ADHD, and my parents were big on mutual respect, cooperation, and ethics over hard rules. My teachers, on the other hand... Well, some were very good, but most were not, and some were flat out abusive. I was never a joy to have in class, and had a reputation for being difficult, defiant, and weird. Worse, I was famously bright, and somehow picked up the idea what my smarts were how I made up for being so otherwise terrible and disappointing.

On the other hand, my mom's first degree is in fiber arts, so as I weave and sew I feel very insecure next to her. It's amateur hours over here. I also feel intense social anxiety around my mother, because she spent a lot of my childhood trying to "fix" my lack of social skills. But as for writing, I'm actually fairly confident in it.

Height: 5'0.75", and I round up to 5'1", as all shortstacks must.

I do in fact look at almost all hot takes and go, "nope" and ignore them.

I'm aromantic and just can't bring myself to care about most fictional romantic relationships. I have never been here for shipping, and I really don't get most of fandom's utter obsession with it. And like, even when I do manage to ship something, it's usually because there is something about the dynamic that makes me able to see them as able to become super close. This something is almost never what the rest of the fandom is looking for, so I am almost always baffled by the most popular ships in a fandom. But yeah, I have always been a genfic writer, and have always had more interest exploring family and friendship dynamics than romance, and think that the way fandom as a whole focuses so intensely on romance means that they often miss the actual complexities and themes and interesting parts of a piece of media. Like, I get that I am built a little different here, but it's hard not to get a little judgy. Why do so many people care so much more about this part of the human experience than they do about all the others?

Aww thank you! I try.

I started writing fanfic when I was eighteen and posted it on Livejournal, but I have several handwritten non-fanfic novels dating from between third and 10th grade. I dropped out after 10th grade, got my GED, and when to community college. They are... Not good, and some are so obvious in their influences that they might as well be fanfic. My dad found one of the ones from elementary school recently, and cooed over it for a while.

[what-the-witch-stuff]

Allright. Elliott thread that nobody asked for. Part 4

The words you read seem to be some alien gibberish? Try these first:

Part 1   |    Part 2     |   Part 3      

Don’t worry guys. It will be over soon, I promise.

Bevore we start: This happened yesterday.

And I basically turned into that iCarly gif, where she’s on the Computer, sippin’ her drink and goes: interesting.

Because look who we have here. Our future husband acting all self-aware? Right after I assumed in my last post that he never talks about the possibility of his failure...

Elliott, do you know that I talk shit about you on Tumblr?

Please stop breaking the 4th wall...

To safe at least some of my ‘credibility’, he followed this up with something along the lines of:

“No, no...I am not fishing for compliments. Which does not mean I don't appreciate them ;) “.

Sure. Whatever.

In comparison to that:

A few in-game days previously, I had a cut-scene with Leah, where the player can suggest that she should organise an art show. And there, Leah openly communicated her fears of ppl not liking her art. I was surprised about how open she was, given that it was probably her 2nd heart event or something (?). It's interesting, how Leah (who I perceived to be more reserved than Elliott), was so willing to let us know about her insecurities. Meanwhile, Elliot seems to brush these thoughts aside rather quickly and returns to his nonchalant, graceful self.

I always thought that from the two of them, it might be Elliott who is more vocal about his emotions. But now, Elliott doesn't seem to wear his heart on his sleeves as much as I thought he would. Which changed the way I think about him quite a bit. Maybe he is more likely to hide behind platitudes and a self-assuring smile, after all.

And what can we take from this, when we would want to write, let’s say a scene with Leah/Elliott friendship dynamic?

What do you guys think?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Anyways, before I was so disgracefully exposed, I was roasting Elliott’s life choices. To which I now gladly return to.

You see, the "issue" I see with Elliott is, that he plays into a trope:

The brooding hermitic author, who turned his back onto society in favour of finding inspiration in nature.

While this might sound thrilling and "romantic", we know that Elliott is not the best candidate to conform to this lifestyle. Just compare, how we as the player, manage to form quite strong relationships with everyone in Pelikan Town just by talking to them regularly.

We see Elliott outside the beach-area quite often. But aside from Leah, he does not seem to interact with anyone much. I don't know if there are statements about Elliott made by other characters, to have some inkling on how they feel about him. But its quite remarkable, how all other friendships outside to his connection with Leah, are not explicitly known as canon (?).

After a whole year living in this town, previous to our arrival, I would suggest, that Elliott might still be very much an outsider. He even remarks how, with our arrival, it will be nice, to no longer be "the new guy" in town.

But the problem with that might have been Elliott's reservedness, to begin with. Polite, but yet, maybe, quite impersonal. All pleasantries and platitudes as mentioned above. It all plays into Elliott's refusal to experience the comforts of a normal lifestyle in favour of pursuing his art.

And I love how Elliott just brushes that aside as if its nothing. I'd really love to know: what would have been his plan b, if his debut failed?

Worst case cenario: What would he'd done, if he ended up stranded in Pelikan Town, penniless and unsuccessful?

Where would he go? Is there a place he can return to? A previous home, previous friends?

I don't think so.

But, dedicated, impuslive, sweet, dumb Elliott just thought to himself:

“I can do that. How bad can it be???, it will be fi~ne.It will be marvellous!

Authentic, truly!

It will be superb pictouresque and that is all I need to write my novel....”

Thanks Yoba. You’ll keep doing that please.

And then we also have interactions of the likes of:

“People have scaped a living off the sea for thousands of years....

I just go to the grocery store.”

A different thought I had on Elliott kind of plays into what I already said previously. But I will adress it as its own topic.

The downside of Elliott’s ego.

As much as we explored the rather whacky / chaotic elements of his character and how he does stupid shit for prestige itself, it is interesting to see what happens when the player challenges his self-dramatisation.

I keep re-thinking if and to what degree Elliott can laugh about himself.

He is not one for self-deprecating humour, I think.

I can imagine that to be more Shane’s thing.

We see different scenarios, in which Elliott reacts differently to things not going his way. One of the positives is the whole “A tiny crab made a home inside his coat pocket”- story. I have seen two interpretations of this scene. And both are dependent on the tone, in which you read his dialogue. One group thinks he is just complaining yet again.

On the other hand, you could read it more like:

“My, look what we have here. Can you believe that [y/name]?!“.

I think that Elliott does not appear to be angry or annoyed at all in that scenario, too. He could have vented to the player, how he needs a new coat, now.  But he simply leaves it at that. And you know what?

But, there are other times, where Elliott reacts negatively to the player not doing what he wants you to do. Meaning:  your reaction to him or your behaviour in a specific situation. Let's look at his 2nd (?) heart event at the Stardrop Saloon. He comes up to the bar, finds himself in the mood for company, and orders wine for you and ale for himself. 

New Headcanon:

That little crab still lives there! It will probably live there long after you two get married. And he will feed it scraps from the dinner table even though you ask him not to.

Whatever...Sounds Cute. 

My first reaction to that was: “aw, wHaT a GeNtLemAn!!!”. My second reaction was my inner feminist having a temper tantrum because: “how dare a man, to assume what I want to drink!” 

New Headcanon on Elliott and gender roles, anyone? Or is it given, that with him being a good old fashioned lover boy, his expectation on any relationship dynamic might be more traditional?

As much as I find Elliott charming and all, this could be a great red flag and, again, beautiful material for character-conflict. Maybe Elliott needs to learn to not take everything at face value. Maybe he needs to learn, how to take a joke. Especially those made at his expense.

However, when the question arises, what the two of you should drink on, he will not laugh if you say “your doom”.

This is not something he sees as sarcasm or as a joke. In fact, you lose 50 friendship points! Like holy shit. That in itself is not much, but its a game-penalty. He is actively reacting negatively toward you. This is one of the few times, where your decision actively has an impact on the friendship-metre. Of course, that statement could be delivered in a non-joking matter. Which then justifies his reaction.... sure.

But even the fact that Elliott chooses, to not downplay or gloss-over your comment, leaves me with the following interpretation:

He hoped for a charming, flirtatious interaction. All you had to do, was to play along. But you ruined it.

Just imagine a situation with a little bit of miss-communication and a version of Elliott that is a little too proud for his own good and *chef's kiss* we have drama.

Me to Elliott and Farmer-OC: fight! fight! fight! fight! :D

All of you reading right now:

omg can't you just chill??? We are here for the fluff :(((

Also: depending on how it's written, that could be one of Elliott's major character flaws. The one that is not cute at all!

__________________________

I wanted to take some jabs at Elliott's likes and dislikes. But as it turned out: Yes, you can turn Duck feathers into quills. I had this funny headcanon that Elliott wanted to be extra special by choosing duck feathers as his preferred writing instrument. And I was all like: “use a pen!!”.

But then I found out about the Unobtainable Weapons-List and Elliott’s pen is one of them. Okay, whatever. 

And then I asked google how to make quills. And while duck feathers are not the preferred or most popular option, there is also nothing that would speak against it, as long as the feather’s shaft is durable enough. So that theory has flown out of the window pretty quickly as well.

The only thing that comes to my mind instead is, how Elliott would still need a digital manuscript for publishing. But me screaming: “Where is your Laptop Elliott??? You need a computer! Its the 21 century!!!” is not half that funny anymore.

I guess I’ll end it here.

I hope you enjoyed this completely useless stream of consciousness.

I will now continue playing Stardew Valley and indulge in all my other quarantine-born obsessions.

I wish you a wonderful day and happy farming.

[askmerriauthor]

Jedi: Fallen Order thoughts 2/?

Discussion on "Star Wars - Jedi: Fallen Order". First post here, spoilers and lengthy rambling after the jump.

Honestly, I love this box art so much purely for the facts that 1) I made sure to remove that poncho the instant I could because the game's cloth dynamic rendering had it flailing about wildly as if it were trying to attack the universe through sheer defiance of physics in every cutscene. And 2) see that alien dude on the left with a pistol? In-game, he's an utter coward who never once participates in anything remotely resembling violence and sure as hell never wields a gun. It just reminds me of how Kirby is always given angry eyebrows in the US because marketing people are fucking stupid and think players won't be drawn to the game with an abjectly cute mascot.

So! The story.

As mentioned in my previous post, "Fallen Order" basically wants to tell a Found Family tale about a ragtag group of remnants who leave behind their previous lives and forge a new future together. We have our main character Cal Kestis; a former Padawan who survived Order 66 and has been in hiding for a handful of years. Cere Junda; a former Jedi who's cut herself off from The Force, Greez Dritus; a gambling addict pilot with a troubled past he's trying to leave behind, and BD-1; an annoyingly named but utterly lovable Droid who is far and away the best character in the entire damn game. There's also Nightsister Merrin; the presumably last survivor of the Nightsisters and potentially Cal's love interest, but she basically only shows up in the last 10 minutes of the game and doesn't get a lot of screentime despite being presented as a major part of the cast.

The game takes place a handful of years after the purge of the Jedi in Order 66, where both Cal and Cere's core character thrust is tied into. Cal was a child who survived only due to his master sacrificing his life to save him and has been wracked with guilt and PTSD ever since. Cere, on the other hand, unintentionally abandoned her own Padawan and other younglings, directly leading to their death, corruption by the Dark Side, and almost falling to the Dark Side herself. The bulk of the narrative throughout the game is dealing with the relationship these two have with one another, coming to terms with their own trauma, and moving forward from there. Meanwhile, the overall plot itself focuses around finding a Holocron that has a map and list of Force-sensitive children throughout the galaxy, which the gang can use to rebuild the Jedi Order while also keeping it - and thus the children - out of The Empire's hands. The whole series of events culminates in a big showdown between Cere's former Padawan whom she abandoned and became corrupted into an Inquisitor, Cal contending with his own guilt, and the decision on whether or not the gang has the right to interfere with the Force-sensitive children's lives and potentially put them in danger if another purge were to occur.

On paper, it's a solid enough story. The actual execution leaves something to be desired.

Something I absolutely hate in games (which has become frustratingly abundant in recent years) is the illusion of choice. If a player is presented with choosing A, B, or C, that decision should matter. Which path is taken should have impact, consequence, and change the course of the story. If all three routes converge back together at the same outcome regardless of what you picked, then your choice never mattered at all. "Fallen Order' suffers from this. There are fairly sporadic points in the game where you're given the option to choose how Cal will reply to a given conversation, or whether or not to take a certain action, but it doesn't matter at all. The conversation's outcome nor the overall story isn't affected by your choice (or even if you bother to have the conversation at all), and the any time you try to do something other than what the game wants you to do, it'll just reset itself endlessly until you cooperate. You have no choice in the matter, but the game makes it appear as if you do to emulate your involvement.

I absolutely hate this in games. If a game presents you with choices, then your choices should have consequences. Your input should matter. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a linear, plot-driven game where the player has no direct input on the narrative. If anything, that gives the story even greater opportunities to shine because it allows the writers and directors to be in full control of the presentation, characterization, and story.

At the risk of sounding like a cranky old man, this is very much a "back in my day!" sort of situation where older games wouldn't shy away from simply locking a player out of content if they chose a certain path. If you pick A, you don't get to see what happens down B or C. If you want to join the Jets, you don't get to join the Sharks. If you want to see what lies down those other routes, then replay the game and make different decisions. Sometimes it was a specific design choice, other times it was a way to handle hardware/programming restrictions. But there's a big notion these days in particular where there's a desire to make sure the player sees all the game's content up front. I anecdotally chalk it up to an increase in non-gamers entering into video game development at management level and making design decisions they're not qualified for, but that's just my own take. Like, I understand the thought process behind it. "We have all this content, so we want to make it a selling point and ensure the player gets to see all of it! If they play our game and miss a bunch of stuff, they might bitch at us and cause reviews". I get it, I do. But it's also bullshit because it directly harms the final product. If a game is good, players will replay it ad nauseum for ages beyond release. So they're going to see all the content one way or another. When the "we have to let the player access all content up front" mind set is in effect, it means the player's choices ultimately don't matter and the resulting abundance of content is quantity rather than quality.

In the case of "Fallen Order", your choices don't matter one bit and it's not even out of a case of accessing content. For some reason the developers put in this vestigial, pointless façade of a dialogue tree and choice system when the game frankly would've been far stronger if it had just been left out entirely. Developers have to invest one way or another. Either make it a fully narrative-driven game and tell a solid story, or make it a player-driven game and put in the effort to make the player's choices matter. Especially in a Star Wars game, as RPGs in this franchise have historically have Light/Dark Side choices, character deaths, and alternate endings based on your decisions. A big part of "Fallen Order"'s story is characters contending with the risk of falling to the Dark Side because of their trauma, but the game itself never actually gives the player any chance to explore that at all. It's a huge missed opportunity either way.

I think that's where a lot of the story's trouble comes from in the end. It's a lot of build up on a good idea that fizzles out and goes nowhere. Cal spends the entire game getting to a point where he's ready to move on, and then the game ends. Cere comes to terms with her past mistakes and tries to redeem her fallen Padawan, only for said fallen Padawan to be killed abruptly and completely cut off that entire story thread. Greez's past coming back to haunt him is shoe-horned in randomly and never goes anywhere. Merrin doesn't have enough time on screen to matter. There are three major villains throughout the game who are just cast aside casually and with no lingering impact for ever having been there. The biggest final boss, who has been the core antagonist and a major point of emotional conflict for the entire game, is discarded with no resolution because this is a Star Wars game and we just can't have one that doesn't feature Darth Vader sweeping in to steal the spotlight.

It's just... ugh. There's potential here. There's obvious, glowing moments of potential where things could've been developed into something really impressive if they were just given the opportunity. It feels like a huge waste and the end result is just a "meh" game that doesn't go anywhere, doesn't contribute to the setting, and could very easily be dismissed entirely from the franchise with absolutely no impact.

[angelicymp]

Perhaps a little coaxing is needed...

Good evening my literary friends,

I am hoping to find a suitable partner for specific cravings and ideas I have in mind.

My introduction will be brief and a bit more to the point than usual. I am quite thorough and detail-oriented when it comes to being a writer, including some of my rules and preferences. However, since I believe it to be quite a hassle to go through every point I’m making, my ad will be a bit more compact.

A brief recap: You can call me Imp; I am in my twenties and a student, striving to become a part-time freelancer as well. My main hobbies are photography, traveling, drawing and of course, the art of writing. Currently, I reside in Europe, so my timezone could differ from yours, unless you are also from a similar region.

Be sure to read through my ad to see if we’re compatible. Too many times I’ve encountered cases where the inquirers skimmed through all of the info and upon messaging me, were surprised to learn that we weren’t a match from the beginning. So if you haven’t properly read my ad, I’ll know. I’d like to urge everyone to stick with it so there won't be any misunderstandings and not waste everyone’s time.

————————


Me, myself and I

(art by: Ayami Kojima)

♦ Nickname: Imp

♦ Experience: 12 years and counting

♦ Style: 1:1 with the inclusion of doubling

♦ Rating: Mature

♦ Roleplaying Platform: Email and Google Docs

♦ Chatting Platform: Email, Google Hangouts or Discord

♦ Pet peeves: Slice of Life


After finishing the game of Resident Evil 8 Village, I was struck by yet another muse.




I am currently looking for either a pre-existing canon inspired roleplay, or, something completely original. Be sure you are above the age of eighteen, preferably 21 and upwards. I will not accept any inquires from minors - this is not negotiable.

What to expect

♢  Content: Mature. I am more interested in darker things like horror, occultism, the supernatural, you can maybe guess where I am going with this. My limits are few, safe for a couple of minor pet peeves that I have, I am pretty much open to some experimentation; such as violence, gore and sexual themes. When it comes to heavy scenes, I will not fade to black, unless it serves no purpose to the story. Not a huge fan of censorship. However, I will not force or push my partner into something they are not comfortable with. If you want to know the extent to how far I am willing to go, what sort of content, or how graphic my writing will be, you can ask me directly.



♢ Rating: I have little to no issues with delving into more sensitive topics. Since reality is often stranger than fiction, it is very interesting to explore all sides of human nature, including the less comfortable subjects such as psychology, crime, etc. But I also like to remind that this is a world of fiction and no one in their right mind would condone such things in real life. The world of adults is not easy to handle, but it sure is interesting to explore. So if you are a gentle soul and can’t take the heat of more serious moments within the roleplay, be it a character going through trying times, etc; this might not be ideal for you.

♢ Writing: My texts are considerably lengthy, detailed, and elaborate. Third-person is usually my preferred way of playing my character unless there’s a special case where an exception can be made. Word count usually fluctuates, though I have a standard form of 400-500+ words per reply. It also highly depends on the given situation.

♢ Romancing: I admit to being a hopeless romantic. There’s nothing more enjoyable than witnessing good and powerful chemistry between two characters. Preferably I go for the usual MxF pairing dynamic but I am also open to FxF and MxM, should it feel more fitting. While doubling, I can write the character/love interest to my partner’s desire, but I always aim to stay true to their personality and character. I hate nothing more than forcing characters into a relationship, especially if there’s no spark, so I won’t respond well to being pressured into letting characters act out of their personality. It’s just not realistic. As for smut, or what have you, I have no issues with adding a few spicy scenes, sometimes even drawing them out of our pleasure. When there is, however, a running theme where sexual themes are taking the focal point of the plot, it can become quite boring. It is never the center of any of my roleplays, so be warned.

♢ Plotting: I am fairly quick when it comes to building new characters, concepts, premises, storylines, backstories, etc. It allows me a certain latitude. Feel free to communicate your ideas and thoughts with me. I am happy to chat, even when it doesn’t involve the roleplay directly. Though this is a hobby, I am still extremely passionate about good storytelling and interesting character arcs. I hope to meet someone who is just as enthusiastic and willing to put in the same amount of effort. If it’s only me who’s pulling all the weight, I will lose interest and feel forced to end the correspondence.

No gos

♦ Won’t do: Pedophilia, Necrophilia, Bestiality, Scat, Vore, Toilet Play, etc. I am sure you can also think of many other strange fetishes that have developed over the years spent on the internet.

♦ Won’t write: The idea of supernatural beings trying to fit into human society. The typical bully x victim storyline. The run-of-the-mill vampires vs werewolf plot. BDSM centred stories. Slice of life. Flawless or excessively flawed characters.

What I expect

♢ Literacy: You should at least have a decent grasp of basic grammar and coherency in your spelling.

♢ Flexibility: Since we all have lives outside of the roleplay, we both need to be flexible. Sometimes our schedules may differ, and if life is currently intervening, we can take things a bit easier. Plus, I can’t always respond every second of every day, either. This should be considered a hobby and not a job. If a hiatus is on the rise, there is no problem with putting things on ice until things clear up.

♢ Experience: And by that, I don’t mean how many years you’ve roleplayed, rather the experience that comes with age and emotional maturity. Especially if you want to write stories with grit.

♢ Open to doubling: Quick explanation. Doubling is when we play two main characters each. The dynamic is as follows; I write your chosen love interest against your main character while you do the same for me.

♢ Long term: Only long-term partnerships.

♢ Sharing the spotlight: Don’t forget, this is all about you too! Let me know all your specific cravings, interests, or wants that you want to be included into the roleplay.

Cravings

♦ Urban fantasy: Supernaturals, demons, spirits, vampires, you name it. I’d be more interested in something original and unique, especially when it comes to vampirism and demonic entities.

♦ Dark Sci-Fi: So this is a bit inspired by Resident Evil. A world where monsters become a vicious reality, generating fear among the people they come in contact with. But as it turns out, these monsters are not supernatural, but rather infected or mutated by a virus that cannot be explained.

♦ History, mythology, and folklore: An interesting take on the historical timeline, where legends and myths were once a reality. However, their existence was greatly misrepresented in the storybooks, sometimes even completely distorted. Our characters could be accidental time travelers who have been sent from the future to see it with their own eyes. Inspirations are mostly Slavic, European, and ancient folklore from all over the world.

♦ Crime with a dark twist: Mafias, organized crime, and corrupted politicians run this town. All of them have one thing in common. A particular drug that grants humans superhuman abilities; but at a cost. The drug will turn force the users to reject their humanity to instead embrace their monstrosity.

Canon & Fandoms

♢ Castlevania: Rather the original games than the Netflix series. But I am also not opposed to tackling the Netflix universe.

♢ Devil May Cry: Every game is game. Except for the reboot. Never played that one.

♢ Invincible: Not so invincible.

♢ Resident Evil: Village is one of the best games I’ve ever played. Periodt.

♢ Harry Potter: Next gen anyone?

————————

If you made it this far, I am glad you managed to hold on, lol. If you found what I wrote, agreeable and have a similar interests to mine, feel free to message me on this email adress.

You can also contact me via DM on my Tumblr blog, though preferably, I would rather be more receptive on Email since I am more active there. And it’s a lot more personal as well.

Email: impish.and.angelic@gmail.com

Hope to see you there.

I wish you all a lovely day my fellow readers!

-Imp

[emersonfreepress]

okay so is there content that you had planned for the ROs and story in general but then scrapped cause there wasn’t a good place in the story to stick it in? and if so, can you share what it was? 👀 👀 👀

yes, definitely. *rubs hands together* oh man, you done asked THE question today xD I can't wait to get into this 😁

Academics. I almost decided to have classes and grades be a minor part of gameplay, but the more time I spent designing it the more I realized I wanted nothing to do with it 😂 I haven’t really enjoyed academic gameplay in other interactive fiction because I 1) hate having to choose between studying and interacting with awesome characters, 2) have terrible short term memory, and 3) hate school in general!! So instead I just opted to have the MC be really good at school, point blank period so I could focus on social drama and relationships instead! 😆

Physical skills. I spent literal months crafting the catering scene around setting up stats for stamina/endurance, dexterity, and strength instead of just magnetism, confidence, and persuasion. They had their own backstories with the MC’s parents being overly invested sports parents instead and I think the background choices were like... martial arts, gymnastics, and track? But yeah, I ended up scrapping it all because I was spending hours on research about those individual sports so I could integrate them into the MC’s narrative organically but like... when I tried to think of what use they would be in the actual story, I came up blank. Best decision yet, esp since it means a lot less coding!

Skin tone customization. For one, I noticed that a lot of my favorite IFs don’t offer that customization and it hasn’t impacted my experience at all. For two, I originally realized I might as well not implement it since I am striving real hard not to introduce any customization that won’t actually be mentioned in interesting or meaningful ways in-story. I don’t think it’s really all that common for real life friends (esp in high school?) to comment or compliment each other’s skin and like... when it comes from someone who doesn’t share a similar complexion or ethnic background, that type of commentary gets... d i c e y. So then I wanted to be sensitive to that but what’s the pay-off? An RO mentioning how they love your skin tone once? Awkward sentences with the MC referring to their own skin color? Idk, just wasn’t vibing with it. I’m open to revisiting it in beta or something but for now it’s scrapped.

Singing, Rapping, and Gaming as Hobbies/Talents. I feel bad about scrapping these, honestly 😂 They’re great and I really wanted to incorporate them but it just came down to already having a lot of stuff to code. Plus, I know I can write the Hobbies/Talents I stuck with far better. And for Book 2 purposes, as well!

Leo. as @sourandflightypeaches ​​ asked me about a long while ago, I had to scrap an entire RO 😢 His name is Leo, he was the nephew of wealthy west African diplomats residing in Emerson, and I love him dearly! His backstory was largely based on my mother’s childhood and the circumstances she lived through after immigrating to America. and... ok, i’m about to go on one hell of a tangent so buckle up and bear with me if you can 😅

my intention with this story, aside from writing things that I personally enjoy (graphic violence, spooky woods, social drama, romance, conspiracies 😚), is to explore greed, wealth, and how the ways people and families interact with those two things influence young people and who they grow up to be. here i go sounding pretentious af 😝 and here’s where I apply a cut for those who want to preserve a little mystery to the main characters!

With Gabe, we’ve got someone who grew up with very little stability or financial security but who has found unscrupulous methods to gain status and money, with both noble and selfish motivations.

Kile has some of that childhood experience in common with Gabe, having been in the foster care system since infancy, but they lucked out when they were adopted into massive wealth by a caring, loving couple—a couple that uses their wealth and privilege to be far more lenient and protective of Kile than is actually reasonable or responsible.

Jack comes from a prestigious wealthy family on his dad’s side who he loves dearly but there’s no getting around the fact that they love him back as much as they despise his working class mom.

Jessie is a spoiled sweet heiress (being the baby of her family and the only girl) and while she lives blissfully ignorant of the harmful source and impact of her father's income and career, she bears the weight of the expectation to fulfill very traditional gender roles, including her behavior and appearance, but also extending to her career and life plans.

Rain's wealth led to them growing up sheltered and isolated but also extremely accommodated, giving them maximum freedom and opportunity to discover and develop their personal talents and interests. However, they have almost no positive relationship with their parents who have essentially decided to give up on a kid that couldn't be exactly the accessory they tried to mold them to be—both in terms of their identity and personality.

Rupan/Rohan, at their very core, rejects everything about conformity, self-importance, and excessive luxury—which means they have never, ever truly fit in with their peers. Going full non-conformist, however, has resulted in them becoming alienated from much of their family, as well, despite them all loving each other very much. Their history with false friends and betrayals has led them to over-indulge in their vices and reckless behavior to compensate for that isolation. Sometimes, they just get in over their head and many times, they know better. Every time, it's just that the feeling of finally belonging is utterly intoxicating.

Vivian/Vincent has two extremely successful parents who didn't inherit but instead built up their wealth and they aspire to be just like them, to a degree that is well and truly unhealthy. Their mother specifically is an over-achiever and applies mountainous pressure for them to follow in her footsteps, especially academically. Vi is completely capable of achieving what their mom expects of them, but they were already an extremely sensitive perfectionist so this has made them intensely critical of themself. This is a large part of why they are such a rigid, no-nonsense person and that in turn has made them one of the most disliked people among their peers—which is a huge personal failure to them since their father is a very well-liked and socially successful person in town.

And the Emersons are peak privilege: inherent high social status, brains, looks, charisma, athleticism, and massive wealth. They could never have been anything less than extremely popular, just by virtue of their last name and the nature of the town's social dynamics and politics. And they do enjoy that privilege (esp Curt lol). However, it should go without saying that being so high profile, even (or maybe especially) just in the isolated scope of your hometown, isn't always a boon. Their family's and their own perceived failings are widely discussed and privately mocked and/or celebrated. Real friends are scarce while fake ones and snakes are plentiful. Plus their dad is a gigantic dickhead who sees his kids as extensions of his own status and reputation and not much else. Public shortcomings make for an unbearable time at home and the world outside the estate is at once overly accommodating, full of assumptions, and even subtly hostile at times—all unrelated to their own actions or character.

And with the MC, I think the narrative will make it clear there are several ways that story can go. You start off with irresponsible parents that have lost their wealth due to their own mismanagement and material ambitions—how that affects any individual MC should differ based on choices and consequences!

So why bring any of that up when I was supposed to be talking about my cut OC? 😂😂

Leo was going to be the unwelcome recent addition to his uncle’s household, the son of a brother his aunt hates for (petty af) Reasons, and she took that resentment out on him directly by restricting his access to nearly every aspect of the family's wealth. Especially material goods and living conditions. He was basically treated like the help, tasked with playing nanny for his many younger cousins and burdened with doing the homework and providing academic cover for his dumb as rocks cousin in the same grade as you all. To sum it up, he was basically a victim of trafficking at the hands of his own family with his uncle out of town enough to feign ignorance to how bad his wife was treating his nephew and his aunt going out of her way to keep him busy, at home, and isolated. This is sadly a super common form of trafficking in Francophone African cultures (although I don't think most people view it as trafficking. and I’m sure the same is true of other cultures but I don’t want to speak outside of my purview). And like I mentioned above, it’s how my own mom's (and idek how many cousins') child/teenhood went.

It’s a perspective on modern wealth, privilege and greed that I really, really wanted to tell. I am confident in saying it hasn't been explored in interactive fiction yet (though correct me—and direct me 👀—if I'm wrong) and out of all the wealth/greed explorations I came up with, it's the one I have the closest personal ties to and the strongest feelings about. The characters and plans I had for it were detailed and I'm proud of them but at the end of the day... I just couldn't find a place for Leo in the story at large.

Leo was, in fact, the last main character I came up with, when I had already designed and fleshed out the larger story and started crafting the timeline of major events. I think the worst thing I could have done for a story and perspective that I care about this much is shove it into a plot that didn't have room for it at the very base level, regardless of how well the character or his story is written. Shoe-horned characters always stick out. I didn’t want to disservice Leo by having him be the character that did nothing or could be removed from the main plot without affecting it at all, y’know? That’s so much worse than just forgoing the indulgence, imo :((

ugh.... Leooooo 😭 I'm so sorry bb, I failed youuu 😥

[bettsfic]

march pinned: ending the sex project

in the march edition of my lowkey writing-related newsletter, in addition to my writing-related post roundup and upcoming consultation availability, i have personal essay recommendations and a segment on the definition of a project!

for more information on my creative coaching services, check out my carrd.

if you want to receive my lowkey writing-related newsletter directly, you can subscribe here.

full newsletter below the cut, or you can read it here.

fuck february, amiright?

i thought january was bad. but february. february was the stuff of nightmares. my cousin passed away from covid (you can read about her here; she was really an amazing person and i feel so lucky to have known her). i was finally formally diagnosed with PCOS (bittersweet, i guess). my car broke down. i took two (2) days off and it took me two and a half weeks to get caught up again. i can only hope march treats us all a little more gently.

the good news is, i finished revisions on my short story collection to send to my agent, finished workshop submissions for the semester, and now i can return to my first love, fanfiction. that i am constantly working through original fiction to return to fanfiction has been making me think a lot about the nature of a creative, capital-p Project. so, this month’s BTALA (been thinkin a lot about) is going to inspect the concept of a “project.”

new resource

last month i unveiled a folder of my favorite short stories which i’m pleased to hear several of you have perused and gotten some inspiration from. this month i’ve compiled my favorite personal essays. there are fewer essays than there are short stories because i’ve broken them into two groups: personal and craft. next month i hope to have the craft essays compiled.

i’m always looking for more things to love, so if you have recommendations for your favorite short stories and essays, i’d be happy to hear them!

writing-related posts

how to physically maneuver the revision process

the difference between M and E ratings of fic

resources for worldbuilding (check out the reblogs for more!)

a couple syntax/prose book recs

how to break a long work into chapters

march availability

unfortunately i have to cut my coaching hours down a bit, so i don’t have any openings left in march, but i have some availability in april. if you’re interested in a writing consultation, please fill out this google form!

you can learn more about my services on my carrd.

what i’m into rn

for the past year, i’ve basically been trapped in a 10x10 room, and my health is definitely reflecting that, both mentally (does anyone else feel like they’re living in groundhog day? just, every day being exactly the same except fractionally worse than the day before??) and physically (i reorganized the kitchen and could barely move for two days).

reader, i have discovered something called “walking,” in which i put on real human shoes and go outside. it feels strange, bestial. neighbors wave hello to me. a harrowing experience.

while doing this, this walking, i’ve been listening to the lolita podcast which a friend recommended to me, a ten-episode series that dives into everything lolita: the novel itself, its context, adaptations, greater cultural responses, and — as a sticker on my laptop says — vladimir “russian dreamboat” nabokov. as far as i can tell it seems well-researched and presents the many perspectives of lolita in a fair way. i’m only a few eps in, but i’m entranced so far. highly recommended if you, like me, have a complicated relationship with lolita.

i’ve also found myself mildly addicted to a mobile otome game called obey me, which. look i know it’s like the definition of cringe but it’s also mind-numbingly fun and if i want to spend my minimal free time pretending 7 demon brothers are all vying for my affection then that’s between me and god. it’s a lot of what i loved about WoW: frequent events, bright colors, a daily to do list of simple but satisfying tasks, many many rewards, and it doesn’t take itself very seriously. and if i have 4k fic written of mammon/reader that’s nobody’s business but mine and my longsuffering ao3 subscribers.

i’m telling you this because i don’t know anyone else who plays it and am desperate to trade headcanons. so if you play, or start playing, hit me up!! i will give u mad tips and daily AP.

been thinkin a lot about

the project. the project. even the word “project.” PROject (noun). proJECT (verb). what is the project? “project” comes from the latin pro and jacare which means “to throw forward,” or projectum which means “something prominent.” a projector throws forward an image. to project onto something means to throw your perspective onto something else. to embark on a project is to make something prominent in your life. the concept of “the projects” comes from public housing projects, the government throwing forward affordable housing.

what is the project? in joseph harris’ essay “coming to terms” he says that “to define the project of a writer is…to push beyond his text, to hazard a view about not only what someone has said but also what he was trying to accomplish by saying it.” harris’ perspective is that of an english teacher encouraging his students to read critically, not just to summarize a text but to find its project, its greater purpose. and while i first read this essay in a seminar on composition pedagogy, it stuck with me as a writer. it made me reconsider the greater nature of the creative project.

how many of us, if asked to describe our writing project, would begin with a plot or character premise, the nuts and bolts of a specific story? maybe even the working title? but i wonder, is breaking out the plot really the project? is the discipline of sitting down and typing really the project? and when the story is finished, is the project over? what is the project?

in 2019, i wrote 86k words of a novel. i began revising that novel last fall, and i’m finding that i’ll probably keep maybe less than 10k of that initial draft. i’m not bothered by that. the novel i wrote before that started at 125k, then i rewrote the entire thing to 200k, then i whittled it back down to 160k, and next i’ll be tasked with paring it back down to 80k. i’m not bothered by that either. in the past five years or so i’ve written about 2 million words, and i’ve only published 20k of them. only 1% of what i’ve written, i’ve published. in the words of lauren cooper (catherine tate), i’m not bothered.

i used to see publication as the birth of the project, and writing it akin to a long gestation period. then i saw publication as the death of the project, and its life was lived in its drafting. now, publication seems irrelevant to the project. the confines of a story and its many revisions are also irrelevant to the project. the beginning of a story is not the start of the project and the end of the story is not the end of the project. the project is larger than the story, its revisions, its publication, and its eventual readership.

i think it took me so long to see this because for so many years i was still in my first project, the sex project, an exploration of trauma and sexual identity, which began in 2014 with destiel fanfiction, endured through many fandom shifts, my MFA, years adrift as an adjunct, all the way through 2020 with the completion of my short story collection. i used to wonder how anyone could write about anything other than sex. to me it was the only topic worth my attention. i was certain that i would spend my entire life being a sex writer and i’d never find fulfillment writing a young adult sci fi adventure or a highly literary novel about complicated family dynamics. i was baffled by people who were interested in other things, who could write entire novels without using the word “cock” even once.

then my sex project ended. i don’t know when exactly it happened or why, but suddenly i realized i never wanted to write another artful description of an orgasm or find a tactful euphemism for a vagina ever again (personally i prefer “wet cunt” because not only is it blunt, i find it phonetically pleasing). obviously i’m still writing explicit fanfic but it doesn’t feel the same as it used to. sex feels more sidelined to me, even if it’s still the center and drive of a fic. i no longer get any personal satisfaction from writing it, although i do get satisfaction in sharing the work for readers to enjoy.

it’s like i’ve somehow solved the biggest puzzle of my life. or i guess made peace with my meanest monster, that extremely complicated double-mind of desire that some non-sex-repulsed asexuals feel: you want to feel desire you can’t actually feel so you write it into fiction, to try to understand this thing you can’t have and which society tells you you’re missing, and you don’t even know if you don’t have it, because you still feel desire for affection and intimacy, and maybe even a desire to be desired. and for those of us who are asexual and have c-ptsd, sex you don’t actually want (but don’t know you don’t want, because maybe you’re ambivalent and mildly curious and touch-starved) and an unrelenting drive toward people-pleasing can be a dangerous combination. how can you ever know what consent is if you always put other people’s desires above your own?

maybe i’m alone in this. maybe i’m not. maybe for most people, wanting sex is a light switch: yes i want it, or no i don’t. but for me, i had to write a whole lot of words to figure out things like desire, consent, intimacy, forgiveness, the shape that good love takes. the lengthy theoretical flowchart of “i might be interested in having sex if this and this and this and this and this happens in this exact order and under these exact circumstances.”

it was hard to write something into reality that i have never seen except in pieces, in subtext i clung to with no lexicon to give it shape and meaning. te lawrence in lawrence of arabia. some of tarantino’s early work. the film benny and joon. and weirdly, the star wars prequels (that one’s hard to explain; i’ll spare you). i don’t think the sex project was about coming to terms with my asexuality as much as it was trying to organize my thoughts and feelings by continuously rendering my own experiences within a greater, shinier ideal — like how you sometimes have to unravel the entire skein of yarn to find the loose end, and only then can you get started.

i guess i’m in the infancy of the power project now. i’m moving toward themes of control, infamy, greatness. the exact circumstances in which atrocity occurs. how people rise into leadership and fall from grace. the consequences of success. i don’t know why this project has come to me, or what, if anything, it has to do with me. i’m not famous and have no intention of becoming famous; i don’t have social power or influence, at least not beyond my little corner of fandom, and i’m not interested in having it. and yet, here we are, already hundreds of thousands of words in.

my fics digging for orchids (tgcf) and a standing engagement (the hunger games) deal with the detriments of fame. and even float (breaking bad) to a degree is about the aftermath of being so close to power. my novel cherry pop, loosely based on macbeth, is about an ongoing power exchange between two teenage girls. my other novel, vandal, is about a girl who believes she has magic powers and casts a spell on her neighbor to fall in love with her. and i’m in the very early stages of a novel called groundswell, a cult story i’ve been wanting to write for years. i had no idea why i couldn’t write it until i realized it wasn’t yet my project. i’m not even to the stage of developing characters, let alone a premise or plot. i’m still just building my aesthetic pile (i discuss the aesthetic pile here, as well as vandal in more detail), watching documentaries on cults, reading books, finding inspiration, marking down ideas as they come. it may be years before i’m ready to sit down and write it.

now that i know what the project is, i have more patience with myself. it doesn’t bother me to rewrite a novel from the beginning, or to scrap novels altogether, because the story isn’t the project. the project cannot be diminished by cutting words, sentences, paragraphs, entire chapters. the project does not have a product. the project cannot be published. the project is in the practice, in dragging the impossibly large into clear, acute existence, so you can see it. so you can see the very center of what you thought was an unknowable thing.