#always grateful: even for the struggles

[cynfulworld]

what music genre/song was touching your soul tonight?

Ummm…. This is long and probably over sharing….. scroll to the end for the song if you don’t want to read.

When I was going through divorce from my first marriage I came across this particular song. I married too quickly, too young, while running away from a life I was trying to get out of. It became clear pretty quickly that I had made a mistake, he was not a kind person, and I asked for a separation. My then husband opted to leave the state, returning to where he grew up. Fine with me but we had a child, a 1 year old boy, and he just cut out on him. We never heard from him unless he was calling to ask me to send him money. Can you imagine? Lol. He always had a reason but the truth was he was partying and eventually he disappeared completely. Anyway…. At this time in my life I was heartbroken, lost and terrified. I was a new mom on top of becoming a single mom, on state assistance, praying for childcare grants so I could work or go to school, terrified I was fucking up my kid, ended up working days, going to school nights. I questioned every decision I was making, held in my emotions because I felt like it was weak to have them at all. That I didn’t deserve to. I just took one day at a time, and I heard this song that just totally spoke to me. Encouraging me. It was like a conversation between me and God (or whatever you choose to call a higher power). Expression of fears and an answer in the chorus. A guiding hand.

“And there will come a time, you’ll see, with no more tears.

And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.

Get over your hill and see what you find there,

With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair”

That song was a promise. A promise that there would be better days….And there have been. We (my son and I) made it through the muck and the struggle. He never doubted that he was loved. I grew in motherhood, completed schooling, focused on being the best I could be as a mom and in my career field to give us a future. One day at a time, we moved forward, with joy and love together. Those are some of the best days of my life, even in the struggle. It was hard but also, we thrived. About 4 years later I met my now husband. He taught me what a loving relationship truly is, took my son as his own and eventually we were (surprisingly) blessed with another child. As with any family and relationship there are challenges, we aren’t perfect, but we are for each other and for us. Everyone has their life challenges, that was one of mine :)

“And there will come a time, you’ll see, with no more tears.

And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.

Get over your hill and see what you find there,

With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair”

That promise came true for me. I’m a blessed and lucky girl. I got over that hill and found happiness. Love no longer breaks my heart, but it dismissed my fears and opened a whole new world to me.

I love that chapter of my life. The song is called “After the Storm” it’s by Mumford and Sons. Everytime I hear it, it takes me back to standing in front of the bathroom mirror, getting ready for another day, hanging on to those lyrics, to that promise. I look back at that girl and love her.

[babygirlwolverine]

happiness is having someone comment that your writing is beautiful when you’ve been insecure to get back to writing again

[edge-oftheworld]

yeah I know Luke’s been running around saying he ‘can be a bit of a pessimist’ but I just wanna give him a little bit more credit than that. he’s been through so much and yet we’ll hear him talking about times that are ‘marred with trauma’ but still he can’t ever regret for getting him to where he is today. this whole year he’s been making an effort to do things that scare him and he even finds hard, he’s been pushing himself out of his comfort zone and doing 1000 solo interviews as well as his shows and last year he went to bogota to film 7 music videos in 2 days and believed he could do it and he did. he talks about mental health related things in such a way that’s filled with acceptance, not complaint or bitterness but dare I say even optimism, dropping horrifying little descriptions to already heartbreaking songs since 2021 and then turning around and saying writing songs is what gets him through it, he ‘wouldn’t have a good relationship with anything’ if he didn’t make them but he’s super proud of himself after and wasn’t put off by how much work it was gonna be even though it did make him apprehensive and he goes and mentions how it wasn’t easy. you look at everything we know of him for the last decade and a half and realise, maybe it was never easy. but someone once described optimism as curiosity + resilience rather than being naively happy all the time in denial of everything going on around. and with that active brain and all the things he figures out while writing all his beautiful songs there’s definitely curiosity there. and with everything he’s been through to keep choosing to be himself and do whatever he needs to do there’s so much resilience. and I’ve seen this spirit in the songs of sounds good feels good and 5sos5, as well as littered through wfttwtaf and boy; every project being a quiet, kinda emo, statement of survival. I’m just one fan with too many opinions but this is something I’ve always loved about the band, and a decent portion of it was always brought to the table by luke and idk I just think we should acknowledge it

[frecklystars]

I have another gig in a week and I'm so nervous 😭 I get paid hundreds of dollars for only five hours of work, but it is so nerve-racking and the work environment is so stressful, like literally every time I'm there I'm on the verge of tears or I have to take a 2 minute break before the show starts just to run to the restrooms and cry bc I get so stressed out. And then when I clock out I just cry my eyes out in my car while driving home. But hey!!! Hundreds of dollars!!! For five or six hours of my time!!! Only a few days a month!!! Hundreds!!! Of dollars!!! So it would be totally stupid to quit.

I wouldn't have been able to afford pampering myself on my last two F/O anniversaries (and currently placing an order for a rose bouquet for Six's anniversary for the 18th) if I didn't have this second job... but if it didn't pay me such a large amount of money each time, I probably would have quit by now bc it makes me so damn anxious. The show isn't even for one week and I'm sitting here stressing about it! I have one thousand other things to stress about and this job shouldn't be one of 'em 😤

I just keep trying to think about Ken hugging me while saying "Aw, sweet girl, don't be nervous! You JUST started this job, you've only worked three shows -- you think you're gonna be perfect your first try?? You're gonna be so good once you get the hang of it. Just look at me! I've been doing Beach for 62 years now, and I still don't know what my job is supposed to be... but I know I look So Cool™ 😎"

[gooberjam]

hi!!! tw: sappy, but: we were friends a longlonglong time ago (i think we were first friends on SKYPE) and i just found access to my tumblr and all my old pal's accounts and all my reminiscing had me basically weeping. i'm so glad to see you seem happy and you're still working on your art (which is SO BRILLIANT NOW???) and you're keeping the true spirit of john egbert alive!!! i was going through a lot of very serious stuff back then and despite the fact that i didn't share it, i really attribute you all for getting me through that, and i remember those times so incredibly fondly. thank you for keeping your blog in PRISTINE condition bc i was really able to take a very thorough journey down memory lane. :')

😭❤️✨

[aevari]

I just wanted to go off on a little art tangent about the last reblog/commission I did for @/redbatchedcumbermayned! If you'd like to reblog the finished piece please feel free to do so with that link <3 I didn't want to take over the initial post so I made a separate post lol <3 Anyways, my general art tangent:

Painted portraits are a new offer as many of you probably know. I really wanted a break from my lineart style, especially to offer in my comms since I am almost always drawing more commissions than I am personal art. It was starting to feel restrictive (not in a bad way I just needed to branch into something more... freeform I guess?) So now that I am offering painted portraits it gives me a chance to work on a different style and ease a burnout. I won't lie, painted portraits are still a bit intimidating for me but it's also fun and exciting and relaxing! Lol! Lots of emotions about it at once!😅

I try going into each painting doing something a little new. From trying techniques from various studies to improve my process and understanding to playing with brushes to see what feels "me" and what doesn't. I always try to go in with the mindset of taking away one thing I've learned from it, one thing I liked and maybe didn't like, etc to achieve more consistent and enjoyable results. Every painted portrait I've drawn so far for folks I've really liked working on and there's a lot I am proud of and learned from in each piece.

Anyways, I am so grateful to my commissioners trusting me with their characters and giving me the opportunity to practice and build my confidence with each piece! I am endlessly thankful for the platform (and wonderful characters to draw) that you guys give me. 😭💗

[pennyserenade]

growing up as the daughter of a poor white woman and an immigrant father was insane, but i will say that when i told them i wanted to be a writer i was met with no resistance whatsoever. they are just happy i get to be anything other than struggling constantly so there are small miracles

[videostak]

got my license today yayy tho i feel p empty inside and not v celebratory abt it ngl. im sure ill feel yay yippie happy in a bit tho i mean insane to think my practicing driving saga is over! tho im gonna have to pick up my sister later so i think once after that ill be able to rly chill. im gonna have a celebratory coke in a bit ^_^

[adore-gregor]

I feel so lucky

[tvrningout]

it's making me a lil sad to listen to my s.potify wrapped bc a good chunk of the songs are from playlists i made for ships, and i don't write any of those ships anymore. and dude, the energy i had for toiling over a playlist until i got it just right!! i remember spending so much time and going over and over the playlist until it flowed just the way i wanted it to. and i think it's a mixture of missing the connections i had and missing the energy i had bc i know i haven't been at my best this year. i feel like i don't do a good job of forming personal connections, not that i was ever the best asdf but i've noticed how i've changed. i have a lot of feelings and a lot of ideas, but the energy or motivation is really hard to find sometimes. remaking has helped tremendously, but listening to this playlist is like looking my problems directly in the eye and can i just say yikes

[rainbow-burst]

I'm getting sick of yelling at thieves and crackheads who come in the store stealing petty shit just to feul their drug habits to get out of the store, or having to deal with incompetent or fucking stupid ass customers bitching about why they can exchange an item even though it's past our policy rate.

The job doesn't even pay well working as a manager at the job I work at doesn't even pay even well why is the job next door to me paying like 16 bucks an hour as a manager but a store that is likely part of a grocery store is only paying me 14.25 and to be a key holder 15 bucks ?? Bullshit

[izzy-b-hands]

Cancelled the in person interview for today after discussing phone interview with Mum and Housemate last night (and the numerous red flags and cost of the lyft there and back for a job that ultimately the place wouldn't be able to convince me to take if offered, bc the general consensus was 'this is literally likely to be as bad as the current job BUT with the added cost of lyfts back and forth that they wouldn't be paying enough to offset, why on earth would you (me) take this job lmaooooo')

Which works out good bc the ongoing Mum trauma stuff is hitting hard as soon as I've woken and maybe I can get the Big Cry out today. Or write down any of the memories that have been playing on repeat in my mind

(with all this said, yes, I still asked and do legitimately care abt my mum's opinion and experience with jobs despite this; yes it feels weird; no I don't know how healthy that is or not lmao but I'm gonna lean towards Not Healthy bc im discovering that the work my previous doc did certainly uncovered this codependency and trauma which absolutely was a great help but like...we didn't actually really untangle any of it so I could try and untangle myself from my mum, even from 1600+ miles from one another. So. probably not healthy.)

[victory-cookies]

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[tragicomedys]

biggest thing ive been learning for a while now and have been rlly solidifying in my mind is that i have nothing to prove to anybody ...

[maggieisalarrie]

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[bilal-salah0]

Before the war, after I left Gaza for Germany, I used to call my dad almost everday and tell him about my day. He would tell me how everyone else was doing and say that Salah,my little nephew, kept asking where I was.

Now, I hardly ever reach my parents or any of my siblings.I don't think Salah even remembers who I am any more as he struggles to carry water containers. I always find myself agonizing and wondering if I'll ever meet my family again, whether the newborns will see me one day and know that their uncle longs to hold them in his arms.

Every time I look at my dad's picture in our home, smiling and surrounded by his grandchildren, it breaks my heart into a million pieces. The house he dreamed the kids would grow up in was leveled to the ground in a split second. Nothing is left, not even both his shoe shops where he worked so hard to build a future for us all. My siblings are unable to work or finish their studies. There are no schools left for the children. There is no proper food, water, or sanitation, no life; only death and rubble all around.

When my brother sent me a photo of my dad lighting a fire, he still had that same old smile on his face. I was relieved to see him somewhat hopeful but it broke my heart even more. My father is the most resilient and hard-working man I've ever known. He always supported us in whatever we wanted to achieve. His only hope was that his grandkids would grow up safely and happily in their home. He never complained from work and taught us the true meaning of sacrifice and perseverance. Instead of living peacefully with his family, he, the kids, and everyone else have to endure life in a makeshift tent,God knows for how much longer, while their lives are constantly threatened by airstrikes, starvation, and disease. No child, elder, or adult should go through such hardships for this long.

As the injustice persists, we only find solace and hope because the free people of this world are still standing with us. Please continue to support us any way you can. I don't even have the words any more to say how grateful I am to everyone. You have already done so much for us but we need you now more than ever.

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