#when i was growing up my mother did her part to ensure i knew i could be anything

[pennyserenade]

growing up as the daughter of a poor white woman and an immigrant father was insane, but i will say that when i told them i wanted to be a writer i was met with no resistance whatsoever. they are just happy i get to be anything other than struggling constantly so there are small miracles

[enthusiasticharry]

the one where YN is no longer the governess to Harry's children, but she is his wife (part 2)

READ PART 1 HERE

author's note: part two of governess!yn (who is still my lil angel baby I cannot lie!) this took slightly longer than anticipated to get to you but i hope you will be happy with the final result! pls let me know what you think, and if there's anything else you'd like to see of these two (i'm certainly not ready to let them go just yet!)

word count: 14.1k of confusion, a lack of communication, friends to lovers, a meddling modiste who we all love, smut, pregnancy.

WARNINGS: discussion of death during childbirth, struggles with infertility (you have been warned)

let me know what you think of edelweiss here! mwah <3

YEAR FIVE

YN’s life had changed in ways that she never could have expected when she became a wife.

YN had never had an example of what a good marriage looked like growing up, and whilst she had worked for couples in the past – nothing could prepare her for the reality. The fact that her life had changed drastically from zero to one hundred within a few days was something that nobody could have prepared her for. It had been a true shift in the motion of her life, and even though it pained her to say – she did not know whether or not this was a welcome addition to her life.

Their wedding day had been a year ago. It took place in early June, which seemed very apt to their relationship. The first time that YN had joined Harry and the children for meals had been in June, and the summer held a very special place in their friendship – relationship? In all honesty, she did not know whether or not their marriage at this point was one of convenience or one that truly meant that something was between them.

As YN did not have a mother to talk her through life as a married woman, she was thankful for the information that she had managed to retain on her own in her life. Miss Francis had sat her down the day before her wedding and attempted to explain what a wedding night included, but YN had put a stop to that conversation immediately and tried to continue to assure the older woman that she knew what was to happen.

Even though YN knew what was to occur on the wedding night, it did not necessarily mean that the act would occur on the said night.

Harry had never attempted to initiate anything of an intimate context between the two of them. The last and only time that they had ever kissed had been on their wedding day, a necessity to ensure that their marriage was fulfilled. Even once they had returned home, she had received no advancements from Harry at all – and had concluded pretty quickly that maybe he did not wish to share this with her. YN knew that this was not completely shocking, seeing as though she was Harry’s second wife, and he had already experienced this before.

There was also a part of her that knew that men had needs. She had come to this conclusion pretty quickly after the husband at the other house she worked at left every night without fail to meet with his mistress (or mistresses, as YN had no idea about the fine details) and yet she could state with full confidence that Harry had never done so. She knew this with such confidence because they spent every evening together (with a considerable amount of space between the two of them obviously) before they retired to bed.

YN would be lying if she said that she had hoped that her marriage to Harry would offer some clarification on what it was she was feeling. She had spent so long denying her wish for marriage, and she thought that once that wish had been fulfilled everything would be put into some sort of perspective for her. Instead, it had confused and worried her more than it had before. The overwhelming, thought-provoking idea that ran through her head most days was that Harry had married YN just to appease her, to be a good friend and that was it. It made her think that Harry (no matter how many times he verbally denied it to her) did not wish for this.

It was not as though Harry required an heir to his estate – he already had one. That normally looming requirement of marriage was gone for him. YN was three and thirty now, and that could offer little in security as to whether she could have children, and with that gone she could not understand why Harry wanted to marry her. If anything, the only reason a man in Harry’s standing would marry was to ease a loneliness he had.

At first, Noah and Honorah had been confused as to why YN was no longer their governess, and instead their mother. YN had assured both of the children immediately that she could never take away their mother from them, and if they wished to continue to call her Miss YN, they could do so without any worries at all. Noah, who stood at ten when they married had huffed and refused to speak to his father or YN for the first few weeks (something that was inherently a trait of Harry’s, but YN would never outwardly tell him that). Norah, however, had only been seven at the time and saw the whole spectacle as something so exciting and had welcomed the change with open arms. YN assumed that since she had never met her mother, YN had been the closest thing to one for her – and she assumed that would be something difficult for both Harry and Noah to accept.

Even though these questions of intimacy usually loomed in the back of YN’s mind most days, along with questions of how the children were faring with the change. But, thankfully, her ole had changed within the household, and she now had duties as Mrs Styles that often took her attention throughout most of the day. The most prevalent job that took up most of her time now involved the children, and more specifically – finding a new governess for them.

To the blind eye, the task on the surface seemed so simple – but in reality, it was not. In the past year, the children (predominantly Noah) had managed to run four governesses out of the door – with the longest of them lasting two and a half weeks.

That was how YN had found herself now – sitting in the drawing room with the fifth governess she had hired who had lasted all of three days.

“… I am sorry, Mrs Styles, but they are terrors. The little boy placed a frog not only on my chair but in every drawer of my desk! And the little girl, well, she listens to everything the boy says and responds to all of my questions by ribbiting like a frog! They are completely unteachable!” Miss Morris exclaims, and YN has to physically refrain herself from rolling her eyes.

“And yet I managed to do it for four years,” YN mumbled quietly whilst running her finger across her eyebrow.

Miss Morris leant forward slightly in her seat, turning her ear towards YN, “Sorry, what was that Mrs Styles?”

“Nothing,” YN shook her head, offering a small smile to Miss Morris, “I do just have to remind you, Miss Morris, that they are children. They are not going to be easy to work with. Mr Styles has raised gorgeous, inquisitive and at times mischievous children – but they are no worse than any you may find with another family.”

Miss Morris shook her head, rather violently at that, “You are only saying such as they are your children – you see them through rose-tinted glasses. They are nothing but terrors, unteachable terrors!”

YN sighed before standing up, nodding at Miss Morris to do the same, “Very well then, Miss Morris. If you had not already claimed that you could not teach the children, you would lose your employment just by calling them terrors. You may have the night to arrange your leave, but you shall not interact with the children.”

Miss Morris opened her mouth as though she was to speak but YN shook her head.

“I would not say anything else if I were you,” YN spoke with a nod.

Miss Morris took one last look at YN, nodded, and turned to leave the room. It was not until YN knew that she was in the all-clear that she sighed and dropped back down on the settee again, exhaling a breath that she did not know she had been holding.

The list of once four failed governesses had now turned to five. Somewhere deep down YN knew this would be the case. It was not that she was necessarily full of herself, but more so that she knew she was the best of the best in terms of governesses. No matter who she presented in front of the children, and whether or not they were good governesses or not – they would never be able to help the children in the way that she did. That was the dilemma that YN found herself in day after day.

The sound of footsteps walking towards the room, and subsequently entering knocked YN right out of her daydream, or potentially it was a crisis – she would never know.

“I think Miss Morris just grunted at me,” Harry spoke, pointing back at the door with a confused look on his face.

YN sighed once more, running a hand across her face, “She can grunt all she wants, Harry! She is out of this house by morning.”

“Oh,” Harry sighed, dropping down on the settee across from her, “She quit?”

YN shrugged her shoulders slightly, “And I fired her. She dared to call the children terrors. Terrors, Harry! I was a moment away from doing something so regrettable I probably would have been sent away!”

Harry laughed with a slight shake of his head, “I told you there was no use in trying to find a new governess.”

“The children still need to be taught, Harry,” YN pointed out, as though she was stating the obvious.

“And you can do it,” Harry shrugged, as though he was the one stating the most obvious thing in the world, “I know that is not necessarily the way that things are done, but when have we ever done things that way?”

A smile taunted on YN’s face, “You would not mind? Having a wife that does not follow the correct rules of society?”

Harry just laughed, “If I cared about the correct rules in society then you would not be my wife.”

YN finally smiled and nodded her head, “I will teach them – God knows that nobody will ever be as good as me.”

“That is certainly more like it,” Harry nodded his head and stood up, “I did have something to tell you before Miss Morris grunted at me. I am going out tonight, a friend of mine is back from a trip abroad. We are meeting at the tavern for a few drinks.”

“Oh,” YN’s heart pummelled to the pit of her stomach, “The tavern?”

Harry’s eyebrows furrowed, “Yes. Is that going to be a problem?”

“No,” YN assured quickly, trying her best to not make the twist in her stomach obvious to Harry, “I hope you have a lovely time.”

Harry nodded, the confused look returning to his features one last time before he offered her another smile and left the room. YN had seen the tavern but had never been inside. She had only ever seen it on her trips into the village. She also knew of its reputation, although she would not say that she wanted to. Those back rooms, and what they held were the thing that concerned her, she supposed.

More than anything, it turned her stomach so much she was unsure how she did not throw up. 

No matter how much she tried, YN could not sleep a wink.

The children had gone to bed hours ago, and surprisingly (to YN’s relief) without any stress. Her body, however, could not accept that relief due to how stressed she was currently feeling.

YN had tried counting sheep, and she had tried running through everything she had planned for tomorrow in her head, but she just could not shake the thoughts out of her head.

She could not shake the thoughts out of her head of everything that Harry was getting up to during his visit to the tavern.

Before, when YN knew that Harry was inside the four walls of this house and could therefore not be doing the things that YN was imagining in her head – there was no cause for her to worry. It was all fine before because she knew that whilst he was not being intimate with her, he was not with anyone else.

YN could not say that now because she did not know if it was true.

It was something that the two of them never spoke about – they never mentioned it. They both danced around the subject as though it was an open flame, neither one of them attempting to get closer to it. YN was truly regretting that now. At least if they had the conversation, if she had forced them to discuss this then she would have some peace of mind at least. Then again, she cannot imagine knowing he was doing such things would offer her any piece of mind.

After failing to succumb to sleep, YN had ended up wrapping herself in a blanket in Harry’s study, one of his books pressed firmly in her hand. She would say that she was reading it, but she had read the last sentence around twenty times and still not managed to finish it.

Then the door opened.

Harry’s head was lulled forward, his posture slightly hunched and his movements sporadic. He was drunk. Without even thinking about it, her eyes danced around his body attempting to see if there were any creases in his clothes that had not been there before he left. 

There was not, and for the first time that entire evening her heart slowed down to a normal pace.

“I saw the light,” He offered her a boyish grin, “I wondered who was sneaking around at this time – I should have known it was you.”

YN sighed in relief, dropping the book closed in her lap, “You are drunk.”

Harry nodded, not even trying to attempt to hide it. His body stumbled towards the other end of the settee from where she was. YN lifted her hand to her head when she watched him nearly fall off, but he caught himself thankfully before there was any need for her to intervene.

“Have I ever told you that you just might be the smartest person I have ever known?” He raised his eyebrow at her, a teasing look on his face.

YN gasped, immediately picking up the book in her lap to smack him on the shoulder with, “I should have known you were such a tease whilst drunk.”

Harry began to laugh, and no matter how much YN tried to resist it she could not help but join in. YN thought that she had seen all the sides to Harry, and yet there were ones that she was learning about every day.

“How was reuniting with your friend?” YN asked, watching as his head lulled back against the settee, dropping to the side slightly so that he was looking at her, “I suppose that is possibly a silly question given the state you are currently in.”

Harry nodded his head, “It was very enjoyable, although I suppose his constant discussion of beaches across the world did need to be taken hand in hand with a drink the further into the night we were.”

YN laughed, “I cannot ever imagine you not being interested in a conversation, Harry.”

He shook his head, leaning towards her slightly, “I was interested! The first time! It was just my luck that every time William had a drink it was as though his memory was wiped and he did not know he had already told me all of it before!”

YN did end up in a fit of laughter at his words. There was an ounce or so of further relief that she felt in that laugh, knowing that the stress she had found herself in was for no reason. It was nice to know that he had not withheld the truth from her – even though she was damning herself for even thinking that he would lie to her.

“It sounds as though you had quite the eventful night, then,” YN leant forward to place the book on the table in front of them before standing up, “Are you able to get yourself to your bedchamber, or are you staying here for the night?”

Harry grunted slightly, his head rolling to the side slightly to look out of the window behind him.

“What was that?” YN pressed, inching a step closer towards him, “You will have to use your words, Harry, I do not speak in grunt.”

“I do not wish to go to bed,” Harry mumbled with a shake of his head, “I do not wish to go to bed because the bed will be cold, and empty and you will be down the hall.”

YN’s lips parted slightly in shock. She knew that Harry was drunk, and therefore his inhibitions were lowered but there must have still been an aspect to it that was the truth. There was a slight part of her that was slightly annoyed by his words. She was annoyed that it had taken him a year into their marriage, on a night when he was drunk to say anything of this sort to her.

YN shook her head, “Harry, you must go to bed and sleep this off.”

“No, we do not have to go to bed,” He reached out to grab her hands, pulling her closer to him, “We can stay here, and we can talk, and you can sit next to me.”

“We cannot,” YN shook her head, unable to stop the pull he had on her, “We must sleep, otherwise we will not get anything done tomorrow.”

“That is fine, YN, we can have a day.” Harry nodded his head, “We could… we could just… we could be together tonight and tomorrow, and it would not matter.”

YN sighs, and she attempts to take a step backwards, but Harry instead wraps his arm around her waist. He rests his head against her stomach, and she can feel the heat of his skin through the thin material of her nightgown. The feeling itself was like pinpricks across the expanse of her skin.

YN did not know what to do – she did not know what to think. Instead of trying to pull away from him (which was impossible due to how tightly he had wrapped himself around her), and against her better judgment – she gave in to him. This was the closest that they had physically been to each other since their wedding day, and she knew it was wrong but there was a part of her that did not want this to end just yet.

Instead of pulling away, her fingers found their way through his hair until they were resting in the curls at the nape of his neck.

He sighed against her stomach, causing heat to rush over her skin that she had never experienced in her life. If this is what she was missing out on, she was cursing herself for not forcing them to have a conversation. She supposed that Harry’s behaviour tonight had made it so they had no choice in the matter.

“Harry,” YN whispered, bringing her hands from the nape of his neck towards his cheeks so that she could pull his face away from her and look at him, “Let us go to bed.”

“No,” He shook his head again, “I told you; I do not want to.”

“Harry,” YN sighed, running her finger across the skin of his cheekbone, “You are not listening to me – let us go to bed.”

When YN woke up the next morning, everything felt different.

This was still her room. There were still her curtains hanging above the windows, her bed she was laid upon and still her books that rested upon every shelf in the room – but things were different.

YN often woke up when the light started to seep through the crack in her curtains, and today was no different. This time, however, she was not alone in doing so.

Her entire body felt warm. There was an excess of heat covering her from behind, an arm wrapped so tightly around her waist making it so even if she wanted to escape – there was no way in which she would be able to. Harry’s head pressed firmly into her neck, his steady breathing causing goosebumps to cover her entire body.

Last night, after Harry had finally registered the words that YN was saying – he had allowed her to direct him to her bedchamber. She had tried not to, but she had been unable to redirect her eyes when he had stripped off his jacket, shirt, and trousers before climbing into her bed. They did not talk, only looked at one another. They had settled into bed for the first time since their wedding day a year ago together, without a single conversation as to why between them. Harry had pulled YN’s body close to his, and they had fallen asleep – and that was it.  

YN knew that it was early in the morning, and Harry would probably need a few more hours or so to sleep off the remnants of last night – but there was no way that YN would manage to fall back asleep. YN tried to pull Harry’s arm off of her, but he grunted slightly, and his arm felt even tighter than it had done before.

YN sighed, unable to do anything but move slightly so that she was on her back and could face Harry. There was something so boyish about his features when he was asleep. It was as though all the stress of being an adult left him the second he was asleep, and YN felt a sort of privilege that she was able to witness him in this state.

It was this that caused YN to lift her hand and run her finger along the soft skin of his cheek – just in the way that she had done last night. Her body jumped slightly in his arms when his eyes opened. This was, in fact, the closest she had ever been to him – and the fact that she could see those green eyes of his looking so closely caused her stomach to somersault.

“It is too early,” He whispered hoarsely to her, “Go back to sleep.”

YN chuckled slightly, her fingers slipping back through his hair, “The children will be awake soon.”

“And we have a staff willing and ready to help with them,” He mumbled, dropping his head further into her neck, “Go back to sleep.”

YN lightly shook her head again, “Even if I tried, I highly doubt it would be possible. Even so, the children have missed out on so much learning these last few months – and I am excited to get them back into a classroom.”

“Another day is not going to harm them,” YN could feel Harry’s lips moving against her neck as he spoke, and then they closed, and he left the lightest of kisses on her skin.

“Harry…” YN whispered, her head pulling away from his slightly so that she could look into his eyes, “What are you doing?”

Harry sighed, his head lulling backwards so that he was laid on his back, just as she was. Whilst they needed to have this conversation, there was a part of her that wondered whether or not being laid in her bed, with Harry possibly having what YN would deem as a slightly delicate condition was the best place for this.

“I…” Harry sighed, lifting his hand to his forehead, “I do not know.”

YN’s breath caught slightly in her throat, “You do not know?”

“I do know, but I do not want to offend or upset you,” Harry sighs, turning his head so that he is looking at her again.

YN sighed, reaching out to grab Harry’s hand, “Whatever it is, you must tell me, Harry. I am your wife; you can tell me anything.”

Harry lifted their joint hands to his lips so that he could place a kiss on the back of her hand, “I understand that when we married, we did so for ease. It was the best thing for us both at that time, and I understand that you may not feel the same but…”

His words stopped, and his eyes dropped down to her lips, lingering for just a moment before they bounced back up to her eyes.

“I may not feel the same how, Harry?”

Harry hesitated for a second, “That I feel as though my affections for you have grown.”

“Harry…” YN whispered, shaking her head lightly, “You cannot… You cannot say such words to me if you do not mean it…”

“I do,” Harry nodded, “I do mean it. I have meant it for a while now, but I never dared to say so. It seemed that all I needed was some liquid courage, and I could not stop myself.”

YN chuckled, leaning forward to rest her forehead against his, “You should not have been scared to speak your mind, Harry.”

“What?” He whispered.

“You should not have been scared to speak your mind because then you would have found out that I feel the same.”

Harry’s face broke out into a smile, and it was quickly after that YN’s followed. He lifted his hand to her cheek, brushing her hair away from her face. It was then that her heart rate began to speed up – when his face started itching closer to hers. Just as she thought that Harry was going to place his lips against hers, the door to YN’s room burst open.

YN pulled her body away from Harry’s, lifting slightly to see Honorah bouncing towards them – still in her nightgown and having obviously just woken up.

“What is it, Norah?” YN smiled at the little girl, watching as she pulled herself up onto YN’s bed.

“I went to Papa’s room, but he was not there, so I came here to find you and I found Papa too!” The little girl smiled, crawling up the bed so that she could drop down between YN and Harry at the top.

“You found us,” Harry mumbled, pressing a kiss to the top of his little girl’s head as she cuddled up to him, “How did you sleep?”

Honorah nodded her head, “Very well. I dreamt of horses, and I have decided I quite like them.”

YN chuckled, “That sounds lovely, Norah. We shall have to take you to the stables at some point to visit the horses.”

“Really?” Her entire face broke out into a beaming smile, and she began to tell her father all about the horse in her dream.

As much as it had pained her to admit it before, this is exactly what YN had imagined mornings being married to Harry would be like. Lazing in bed with him, before being interrupted by the children and forcing them to begin their day sounding like complete and utter bliss. YN’s could not have been fuller than it was right now, but then she slowly realised that was not the case when the final part of the puzzle walked through the door.

“Good morning, Noah,” YN smiled, holding her hand out to the boy, “Norah was just telling us about her dream, do you wish to join us?”

The boy seemed to hesitate for a second before nodding, reaching out to grab YN’s hand and make his way onto the bed.

“Only for a little while, though,” He nodded with a shrug, “I am ready to break my fast.”

YN laughed, watching as Noah joined Harry and Norah in their conversation. To YN, it was at this moment that she truly felt as though she was a wife. That she was Harry’s wife.

YEAR SIX

Just as YN thought that one part of the puzzle that was her life had been laid to rest, another part reared its head to her.

YN wished for children.

Just as it was with the idea of marriage, in the past, she had been fine with pushing that thought out of her head and coming to terms with the fact that it was just not her fate. When she thought she was to spend her days as nothing more than a governess, the mere thought of children of her own was laughable.

Now that she was a wife, it was no longer laughable – and she wanted more.

YN knew how children were conceived, and she knew that with the amount that YN and Harry had been doing that act, there was a chance that she could be pregnant, and yet (just as it had been before) neither one spoke of it. YN was beginning to be infuriated by it.

“You know,” Harry spoke from the side of her as they lay in his bed, “To read a book, you have to look at the words on the page.”

YN had not even noticed that she had stopped reading the book she had in her hand and instead was staring above the words and at the rest of the room. YN sighed and closed the book, dropping it down with a slight thud on the bedside table next to her.

“I guess I am just not in the mood to read,” YN sighed, slipping down so that her head was on the pillow, and she could bring the covers up and over her body.

“That is not like you,” Harry turned to face her, a slight smirk settling over his features, “Are you in the mood for something else?”  

YN rolled her eyes with a shake of her head, “Of course you would think that. No, Harry, I am just not in the mood to read.”  

“Since when can a book not capture your attention?” He reached over and placed a finger upon her cheek, lighting and tapping the skin so she would turn and face him, “Some may say I can read you like a book… what is wrong?”

YN turned upon her side, slipping her arm underneath her head as she stared at Harry, those eyes of his offering her an ounce of comfort at a time in which her mind was filled with different thoughts.

“Do you ever… do you ever think about having another child? With me?”

Harry went silent, his eyes squinting slightly before he turned away from YN. Her heart dropped and the comfort that had been there immediately disappeared the second that his eyes were not on her.

“I… I do not know,” Harry spoke after a second or so.

YN’s breath caught slightly, “You do not know?”

“I do not know,” Harry slightly tipped his head at her, “I have not ever thought about it.”

YN turned once more so that she was facing the ceiling, not wanting his face to be in her eyeline anymore. Whilst she had spent days, maybe even weeks or possibly months thinking upon this topic, imagining all of the possibilities of how this conversation would take place – she had never allowed herself to think upon this as one of them.

She supposed in part that was her fault – for allowing her thoughts to run away with her without any true evidence.

“I am sorry, I should not have brought the topic up,” YN spoke after a few minutes or so, before deciding that it was probably time to leave it altogether. She quickly pulled the covers off her, “I shall retire to my room tonight, I think.”  

“No,” Harry reached to grab her hand before she could stand up, “You do not have to do that.”

YN shook her head and pulled her hand out of his, “I just wish for a moment alone.”

YN stood up, reaching over for her gown to wrap around her body. She turned and saw Harry still lying in bed, this time with his hand over his face. It did not seem as though he was going to say anything, so she took that as her cue to leave the room.

Just as YN was about to reach for the door handle, Harry stopped her, “I cannot see you go through that.”

YN stopped her movements and turned to face him, “What?”

“I have witnessed first-hand what pregnancy can do to a woman,” Harry sat up, pulling the covers off his body, and moving towards the edge of the bed, “I cannot… I will not let you go through that.”

It all made sense to her now. The reason Harry had never even thought about it. She was ashamed of herself that she had not even thought of it. He had lost his first wife during childbirth, and he was afraid of the same for her.

“Harry…” YN took a step closer to him, watching as his slightly glassy eyes met hers.

“I know that you love the children, you truly do,” Harry spoke, “Are they not enough?”

YN was slightly taken aback by that question, and in turn, she ended up taking a step away from him, “I cannot believe you would say such a thing.”

Harry sighed, his head dropping forward slightly as he rested his hands upon his knees, “I am only saying what is the truth.”

“No, what you are saying is an excuse – what you are saying is nothing more than offensive,” YN shook her head, “I understand your worries, Harry, I truly do but what I cannot understand is you ever saying that Noah and Honorah are not enough for me!”

Harry sighed, his eyes failing to meet hers, “I apologise, YN, I should have never said such things.”

“No,” YN quickly retorted, “You should not have said such things, and yet you have! I only wished to discuss the topic with you Harry and I would never do a thing that you do not wish to do.”

Harry nodded, finally meeting her eyes again, “I understand, I apologise again.”

“We share the love of two beautiful children, Harry,” YN sighed, unable to comprehend why she was even having to explain the love she held for the children, “I apologise for wanting to just share our love in a child of our own.”

Harry gasped, and YN was shocked herself that those words had left her lips. Whilst YN had felt that feeling, love, for Harry for longer than she could put a timeline on – they had never said those words. If the conversation surrounding children had not caused animosity between the two of them, she worried if he did not return the favour that this certainly would. It was their cycle, one that no matter how much they attempted to change – YN feared they never would.

Harry did not say anything, and instead stood up and walked towards her. YN worried as to what it could be that he would say to her, or if he would indeed just walk past her altogether. Instead, he reached for her hands.

“Of course, I wish that we could share… share our love with a child but…” Harry shook his head, “I cannot lose you, YN. I love you too much. I need you too much. I fear, well, I would not be able to go on if anything were to happen to you.”

YN just sighed, taking a step forward to wrap her arms around his waist, her head falling upon his bare chest, “You will not lose me, Harry.”

“You do not know that,” He muttered against her hairline, “You cannot promise me that.”

“I know I cannot,” YN pulled away, looking up at those green eyes of his, “But… your fear, Harry, and whilst I am not diminishing it could also not be the case.”

Harry sighed, “I love you so much, YN.”

“Then, please,” YN rested her hand upon his cheek, “Think about it.”

Harry leaned down, placing the lightest of kisses upon her lips, “For you… I will.”

After quite a struggle, YN had just managed to get the children down and in bed, both of them deciding today was the day that they did not need a bedtime – and that they were both, in fact, too grown up for a bedtime.

Once she had finally managed to wrangle them into their beds, she wanted nothing more than to drop into bed with her husband and sleep the day off. The only problem was when she walked into their bedchamber – he was nowhere to be found.  She set off throughout the house, looking at all of the different spots she usually found him in. It was not until she spotted a light coming from underneath the door to his study that a small smile crossed her face.

The door was slightly ajar, almost as though he had left it slightly open in hopes that she would find him. She stepped into the room and saw him sitting at his desk, with his books open on the desk in front of him. She knew that he had to be busy to still be working.

Harry had his eyes down, resting his head against his hands. He seemed stressed. YN leaned against the door, a small smile crossing her lips as she watched him. 

“If you continue to furrow your eyebrows like that they will stay that way,” YN joked, watching as his eyes lifted to her.

YN watched as the furrow in his eyebrow ceased, and his chest emptied the air that he had been holding in. It was as though all of the stress in his body had dissipated the second that he saw him in the room. She had not seen him all day, and whilst she had missed him – it was evident just by the look on his face now that he had missed her too.

“Forever jesting,” Harry smiled, leaning back in his chair.

YN shrugged, “You married me for a reason.”

“That I did,” Harry sighed. He held his hands out, beckoning her to come closer to him. YN walked towards him, placing her hands in his and accepting his invitation to sit on his lap, “How are the children?”

YN groaned, dropping her head back slightly, “They have decided that they do not need a bedtime anymore. That they are old enough to go to bed whenever they decide it is time.”

Harry’s body shook with laughter slightly, “I fear the older Noah gets, the more difficult he will become.”

“It certainly seems that way,” YN smiled, her fingers threading through those curls at the nape of his neck, “Are you coming to bed anytime soon?”

Harry sighed, pursing his lips slightly, “I can certainly be persuaded to come to bed.”

YN rolled her eyes, shaking her head at Harry’s words, “I should have known that was going to be your motive.”

Harry’s hands found their place on YN’s waist, his thumb itching ever so closer to the swell of her breast, “I do not know what you mean.”

“You have that glint in your eyes,” YN noted, pulling back from him slightly, “The one you have when you are scheming something.”

“No schemes here,” Harry shook his head, holding his arms up in surrender, “It is just if I am not mistaken… the best time of the month.”

YN could not help the pull of her cheeks that his words caused. It was one thing that YN had noticed very quickly about Harry, even more so when their relationship had turned into what it is now – he remembered everything. Everything that YN told him that was of some sort of importance, he remembered. Even if it was not of much importance, just a tiny, small thing that YN had mentioned in passing, he remembered. It was probably one of the things that YN found the most endearing about Harry. 

When YN and Harry had their conversation about children, it had taken him a few weeks to come to terms with her request. She had left him to think about it and assured her that if anything were to happen, he would be prepared. He would make sure the greatest doctors were at their beck and call the second that anything seemed wrong, and he would ensure her safety at every point. With these in mind, he had decided to oblige her request.

But, when YN saw Harry’s smug expression there was a part of her that knew that at this point, he had no qualms with what she had asked.

“Well, then,” YN smiled, “Since it is the best time of the month, shall we retire upstairs?”

“I was thinking that the best course of action was to shut the door,” YN bit her lip, attempting to suppress her smile but it was no use. She immediately clambered off his lap to shut the door to the room that they were in.

When YN turned back around from the door, Harry had moved so that he was leaning against the front of his desk. For a moment, she just stared at him. She was unable to control the wave of desire that rushed over her body just at the sight of him. It was crazy to believe that just over a year ago they had not slept in each other’s bed and that these feelings had not yet reached the surface. Now, YN could not sleep without Harry beside her.

YN attempted to not think of the past, and instead, she was to focus on the future.

YN took light steps towards him, not stopping until she was in between his open legs. It was then that he almost pounced on her. With such rigour, he dropped his lips down to hers so that their faces all but smashed together, but YN did not mind. Her hands grasped the lapels of his jacket, pulling him even closer to her if that was possible.

“YN,” Harry mumbled against her lips, wrapping his arms around her waist until they rested in the small of her back.

It was not long before their hands were pulling the clothes off their bodies piece by piece. Harry was especially skilled at unlacing a corset, something that made their recent penchant for these activities all the easier to complete. There was something about the comfortability with their movements, the ease, that YN had both longed for and never thought would be a possibility. It was now that they knew the ins and outs of each other, they knew what made each other tick more than anyone else in this world.

Their movements quickened in their speed, and Harry’s body fell back slightly. YN ignored the sound of the items that had once lined Harry’s desk falling to the floor. YN would be lying if she said that this had not happened once or twice in this room and that they did not know the logistics of it. She would be lying even more so if she said that they did not know the logistics of most of the rooms in the house.

Harry’s lips slipped from hers and across her cheek, placing light kisses until they reached her neck. Harry was completely, and utterly obsessed with her neck. He always put the most kisses on the skin between her neck and her collarbone, when they were in bed that was where his head was always placed. The one that excited YN the most was always when they were in public, and Harry pushed her hair off her neck. His fingertips would always linger there, and the touch was always ever so light that it would set her skin alight.

It was always tough work to get him off her neck once he was there, but a tug on the curls at the nape of his neck was always enough to pull him off her and elicit the lightest of moans from his lips. His hands moved down and came to rest at the seam of her chemise, pushing the lace up ever so slightly so that his fingers could rest on the skin of her thighs. His fingertips scratched her skin lightly, causing her to moan into his mouth.

YN pulled away from him slightly so that she could help him unfasten his trousers and pull them swiftly down his legs.

“Eager?” He mumbled against her lips again, his hands pushing her chemise up until they were resting upon her waist.

YN shook her head, “Not eager, just fed up with your constant teasing.”

Harry did not reply. Instead, he picked her up and switched their positions. She landed on the desk with a slight thud, eliciting a moan from her lips. Harry wasted no time in slipping his fingers underneath the thin strap of her chemise, allowing it to fall from her shoulder and expose her chest to him. As the material fell, Harry purposefully slowed his movements so that the soft material rubbed against her pert nipples. To her, it was truly as though he knew her exact strings to pull.  

“You are teasing again,” YN mumbled, pulling away from him slightly in hopes that he would stop the teasing. She should have known better.

His hands grasped at her waist, his fingers setting her skin on fire. He pulled her towards the edge of the desk so that his lips could attach to her nipple. YN gasped, her back arching towards Harry’s body.

He pulled away, his chin resting on the exposed skin of her chest, “You knew what I was like when you married me.”

YN shook her head, wrapping her legs around his body to pull him closer to her, “Not in this capacity I did not.”

Harry laughed, placing a kiss on her skin once more before his lips caught her nipple again. His hands ran up the exposed skin of her thigh once more, pushing it all the way up to her waist until she was exposed to him. His eyes locked with hers again, the slight darkness in them causing a shiver to run across YN’s body and pool in the pit of her stomach.

His assault moved downwards until he was face to face with her. He gripped the skin of her thighs, pulling his legs upwards until they were resting upon his shoulders. She bit her lip in an attempt to conceal the illicit sounds that threatened to escape them. There was nothing that could have helped her when his head lurched forward, his mouth attaching to her immediately.

“God, Harry…” Her body fell backwards, her chest rising up and down at a record speed as he continued his movements.

The mix of continuous flicks of his tongue against her clit, mixed with the suction his lips provided brought her closer and closer to the edge within minutes. YN also wondered if there was a part to play in that in how much she had thought about this throughout the day. It was as though she had been shown something, and now her entire thoughts were consumed by it day by day.

With each second she could feel herself getting closer, and her hands found themselves attached to his hair. Her breathing quickened, and her chest rose and fell at an exasperated rate.

Then it stopped.

YN could not help the moan that passed her lips at the loss of contact, tears brimming against her waterline. She watched as Harry wasted no time in lifting his body back up to her, his lips dropping against hers once more.

“You are cruel,” She mumbled against his lips, feeling the smirk that crossed his features, “You are cruel, and you are mean.”

“I am not cruel and mean,” He responded, his hand moving between them to pull himself out. He gave his cock a few strokes before lining himself up with her, “That is just not the purpose of the best time of the month, is it?”

“It could be, but you…” YN’s words were interrupted by Harry pushing himself into her. YN gasped, her nails digging into the skin of his exposed back, “Oh, god!”

The first time that they had sex was the night of the morning they had been interrupted. YN knew that if it was not for the children, it would have probably happened then. They had spent the entire day exchanging what can only be called longing and intoxicating looks at one another. In part, it felt like both pleasure and torture. YN had been slightly nervous, she would not lie, but Harry had made her feel like the most beautiful woman on this earth. He had not rushed her, he had made her feel comfortable the entire time and most importantly, he had reassured her time and time again that they were doing this together. That this was them showing their affection for each other, in a way that two people could.

All of their sex was not like this. More often than not it was sloppy, and it was rushed, and it was in the five minutes spare they had within the day when nobody from the estate or the children wanted them. If it was not rushed, it was often very slow and sleepy – but in a different remark still sloppy.

“Oh, Harry,” YN’s hands ran down his back towards the curve of his bum, where she pressed her hands against the flesh in hopes of pushing him deeper into her.

Harry groaned against her lips, “This is what you wanted, yes? You were wanting me to fill you up?”

“It was,” YN responded, gasping when he hit that particular spot inside of her that caused her to tighten around him. His hips never stopped their assault on her, and she did not want him to. The second that he slipped his hand between their bodies to rub his thumb against her clit, she was right back to where she had been minutes prior.

Harry’s head dropped into the nape of her neck, resting there whilst he continued to move his hips faster and faster against hers. YN had tried her best to match his pace, but she could not. It was as though she could not control her body when she was with him. He knew exactly what she needed, and he would be the one to get her there.

YN’s entire body went rigid, her mouth parting as a string of moans mixed with calls of Harry’s name left her lips as she orgasmed, Harry’s following just after hers. Their chest, pressed close to one another, were heaving in sync, their breaths ragged but smiles still dancing across both of their lips.

Harry pulled out of her gently and helped her clean herself up, pulling her chemise back on so it was not revealing her in such a promiscuous way. YN laughed, accepting a kiss from Harry when he offered her a hand to help her off the table.

“Do you think it worked this time?” YN asked, wrapping her arms around Harry’s neck.

“We can hope,” Harry nodded, pressing a kiss to her forehead, “But we will not be disheartened if it has not, yes?”

“Yes,” YN nodded, saying the words as though she was trying to convince herself that they were true.

“Let us go to bed,” Harry nodded, reaching his hand out for her.

YN laughed, “We must dress first, imagine if we are to pass any of the staff in this state!”

“They have seen much worse. Now…” Harry dropped down, wrapping his arm around her legs and hoisted her up into his arms, “Let us go to bed… we can tidy in the morning.”

YN just laughed, allowing him to carry her to their room.

YN had been sitting on a blanket in the garden with Noah and Norah when it happened.

When she awoke that morning, she had certainly felt strange. YN had attempted to ignore it, to push the feeling so far down that it would not affect her day. There were things in life that YN could face head-on, with no worries about the consequences. This was something that she could not do. This broke her heart.

YN had smiled at the maid that was in the garden with them, giving her a look to instruct her to look after the children whilst she rushed inside.

She had stripped herself of her ruined clothes as quickly as she could, ordered a bath to be drawn and sunk into the water without a second thought.

They had tried and tried to conceive a child, but it seemed that no matter their efforts (which were frequent) it did not seem to stick. It was heartbreaking every time that this happened, and yet she could not control anything that happened. YN knew that she was older, but she had heard of women having children even older than her before. She just did not understand why nothing seemed to stick for her.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the door opening. Harry walked in with a smile on his face, “Miss Harding told me you were in here. It is not like you to have a midday bath.”

YN looked at Harry and at those kind eyes that were staring into hers, and she broke down. The sobs that left her lips were loud, and they shook her entire body. He immediately rushed over to her, kneeling by the tub so that he could wrap his arms around body, trying to soothe the sobs that were wracking through her body.

It was at that point that he noticed her discarded clothes, and the stain upon them told him everything that he needed to know.

“Oh, YN…” Harry’s lips skimmed the top of her head, the realisation and seeing her in such pain stabbed at his chest also, “I am so sorry.”

YN shook her head, leaning against his shoulder, “There is no need for you to apologise, Harry. It is not your fault… I just… I am finding it more and more difficult to deal with the disappointment time and time again.”

Harry sighed, his lips placing a light kiss on her hairline before he pulled away, “Move forward, slightly.”

YN nodded, bringing her legs closer to her chest, and moving forward slightly, She watched as Harry stripped from his clothes, dropping them on a pile by the end of the tub and allowed his body to slip into the water behind her. YN immediately relaxed into Harry’s arms, the feeling of his arms around her body offering the comfort that she needed at that time.

“I do not wish to offend you with this, my love, but…” YN dropped her head back on his shoulder, placing her hands upon his that sat on the soft skin of his thighs, “Do you think that we should stop our endeavours?”

YN pulled away to look at him, “You wish to stop having sex with me?”

“No!” Harry’s eyes immediately widened, “No, God no. I do not wish for that, at all. I just mean that… YN I cannot see you go through this month by month. I just thought that we could, stop putting such a pressure on our actions.”

YN let out a sigh of relief and dropped back down next to him, “Oh… I suppose you may be right.”

“I thought you should know by now that it is often not the case that I am not,” Harry jested from behind her, his nose nudging her cheek.

“I think you are mistaken by that,” YN retorted, shaking her head, “I am more often the one that is right, and you know it.”

“So I do,” Harry lifted his hand from the water to tap her cheek, turning her head so that their lips were inches away from each other, “I just think that if we possibly put a little less pressure on ourselves, then you would hurt less.”

As much as YN would hate to admit it again, Harry’s word did hold some truth. Whilst Harry had never put any sort of pressure upon her, she was unable to say that she did not do the same for herself. It was more often than not she found herself worrying if it was her that was the cause of the problems. Harry had two beautiful children already, and yet the only difference between then and now was YN – and that therefore meant that she had to be the problem which was occurring.

“I think that is the best course of action,” YN nodded, dropping her head forward so that her forehead rested against his.

It was not long before he leant forward and placed his lips against hers. The kiss was soft, and light and the only word that YN could use to describe it was loving. It was as though no matter what mood YN found herself in or what was possibly going on in her head – the only thing that ever brought her out of such was him.

Harry’s hand lifted to rest against her cheek, resting against the soft skin and in part brushing all of the worry out of her body. It was a shock to her at what his touch did to her. She never, ever wanted it to end. She was the one to pull away first, placing her head against his shoulder again.

“We shall take the pressure off,” YN nodded, “And wait to see what happens.” “It will happen when the time is right,” Harry placed his head against hers, “And we should not worry ourselves until that time.”

YEAR SEVEN

From the last time that YN felt strange, this one was different.

The feeling itself was nothing that YN would say was significant – but it was there. She waited for the moment that her courses would come and prove to her that whatever she was feeling was just the prerequisite to that – and yet it never did.

YN tried not to worry herself, or to let her mind spiral but it was often difficult not to. It was as though there were some things that her mind just had to run free with. She did not tell Harry of her thoughts, as she did not want to worry him or to let him get his hopes up for something which could not be true just yet. That it could once again just be her mind playing tricks on her.

That was until, a month or so after her courses should have arrived that she started to feel waves of nausea race over her.

That was when her suspicions grew more into what she would deem to be facts. Her missed courses, the nausea, her constant state of fatigue and the fact that foods that she had once loved turned her stomach in ways that she could not express.

These feelings, which had been slight at first soon grew into something that she could not hide.

It was just a random Thursday that she had woken up and felt quite unwell, and whilst she had truly tried to get up and get herself ready for the day – she just could not.

The only way in which YN’s stomach did not churn uncontrollably was if she was laid down. That is how she found herself, on a lounger by the window in the drawing room. Her arm was covering her eyes, and she was focusing on nothing but her breathing – that was the only way in which to settle her stomach.

Even when she heard the door open, and Harry walked into the room – YN could not muster the energy to lift her arm and greet him. She could hear him talking to her, and yet her ears could not focus on the words that he was saying.

It was not until he dropped himself on the edge of the lounger she was laid on was it that she finally turned to greet him, but it was certainly not the greeting he was possibly expecting.

“Why do you smell like that?”

Harry chuckled, “Did you not hear me saying that I had just returned from my morning ride?”

“No,” YN shook her head, her features grimacing, “If I had, I would not be asking you why you smell like that.”  

“It is nice to know that you listen to me,” Harry jested, leaning forward to place either one of his arms around her body. He leant forward in hopes that she would return the favour, and yet she did not. She placed her hand on his chest and pushed him away from her.

“You… The smell…” YN placed her hand over her mouth, pushing Harry out of the way so that she could reach the chamber pot she had left at the side of her on the lounger.

Harry dropped down next to her, pulling her hair back from around her face. He was confused, and even more so when he reached out to wrap his arm around her body and she pushed him away once again.

“Do not come near me,” She held her hand out, instructing him to stay where he was, “You smell horrid.”

“Are you ill?” Harry ignored her orders, “Do I need to fetch a doctor?”

YN shook her head, leaning back against the lounger, “That is not necessary.”

“YN, you must tell me if you are ill,” YN sighed at his words, her annoyance growing by the second, “I cannot bear to see you in pain.”

YN raised her hand to cover her eyes once more, “I am not ill in the way that you think.”

“Then what is it?”

YN tried to swallow the feeling that was bubbling within her, but she could not, “Is there no way that you could change, or maybe even wash before we have this conversation?”

Harry furrowed his eyebrows, “YN tell me what it is right now.”

YN sighed, turning to meet his eyes despite her stomach’s protests, “I have… evidence to believe that I am with child.”

Harry’s eyes widened as he looked upon her, “What?”

“Did you not hear me?” YN did not mean to snap, but she could not lie and say that her patience was not wearing thin with him, “I said that I believe I am with child.”

“I heard what you said, I just…” Then, his face broke out into a smile, “It is just that I am slightly in shock, but I cannot say not overjoyed by the news – and possibly a little apprehensive.”

Harry attempted to move closer to her, but she pushed him back once more.

“Harry, I wish nothing more than to hug you and kiss you right now to celebrate but I fear if you come any closer to me you might receive something else entirely.”

Harry finally understood what it was that she was saying to him. He stood up and immediately started to unbutton his coat and his shirt. He removed his suspenders, and his trousers came next until he was stood in nothing but his underwear in front of her.

“Would this suffice?” He held his arms open in front of her.

YN laughed, “You will have to come closer for me to make my decision.”

Harry laughed as he dropped back down beside her, wrapping his arms around his wife. He lifted her with such care and ease until she was upon his lap. She smiled and wrapped her arms around his neck.

“We are having a baby?” He smiled, immediately leaning forward to capture her lips with his, “I cannot quite believe it.”

“Well, I cannot say for certain, but I do think that it is highly likely,” YN nodded, accepting the light kisses he was giving her through her words.

Sighing, YN pursed her lips in an attempt to keep her feelings down. Without his clothes on was certainly much better, but the smell was still lingering around him, and going straight towards her stomach.  

“Harry, I am sorry, but you need to bathe,” YN pushed herself up and off his lap, “I cannot be around you until you do.”

“I thought you vowed to love me – smell and all?” He pouted, still making no movements to stand up.

YN shook her head, “That was before such a smell did this to me. Please, freshen up and then we can continue our conversation.”

Harry just nodded, pushing himself up until he was standing, “I shall wash straight away.”

“I need to leave this room,” YN shook her head, walking towards the door, “Can you open the windows before you leave to air it out?”

Harry laughed but did as his wife wished. His wife that was indeed carrying their child.

“I must say, it’s been too long since you have been in my shop, YN,” Miss Francis spoke, passing her friend who sat on the settee in her shop a cup of tea, “I might have to come and have words with that husband of yours to let you free every once in a while.”

YN chuckled, “You should have seen him this morning. I said that I needed to come and see you and he was readying himself to join us.”

Miss Francis gasped and shook her head, dropping down on the settee with her cup of tea in her hand also.

As much as YN hated to admit it – she had slightly neglected Miss Francis and her friendship since she was married. She, of course, saw her whenever she needed a dressmaking or something altered – but they both knew that was not good enough. Miss Francis had been there with her through thick and thin, and she hated that it had let it get this bad.  

“Well, if I was worried about whether or not he loved you – I’m certainly not worried about that now,” Miss Francis offered the younger girl a smile, but that dropped once she saw the expression on YN’s face, “What is that face for? Are you… is everything okay?”

YN offered Miss Francis a small smile and placed the cup down on the table in front of them. She turned and reached over to grab the older woman’s hand.

“I need to apologise to you, Miss Francis,” YN spoke, squeezing Miss Francis’ hand.

Miss Francis furrowed her eyebrows, placing her cup down, “Whatever for, my dear?”

YN sighed, “For getting married, and not coming to visit you as often. It was despicable of me, and I cannot tell you how sorry I am.”

Miss Francis laughed with a shake of her head, “You do not need to apologise to me, silly girl. You were a newlywed; I am just your modiste – there is no reason to apologise for not coming to see me without a need for it.”

“No,” YN shook her head, “Miss Francis, you are not just a modiste to me. You are my friend I would say that you are my best friend. You encouraged me to marry, you held my hand the morning of my wedding. You gave me your family’s jewels to wear at the ball. And I… well I handled the changes in my life poorly when it came to you. I therefore need to apologise to you.”

When YN looked back up at Miss Francis, her heart broke at the sight of her watery eyes. She had never felt disappointment in herself like this before, and she was angry. She was angry at herself for abandoning this woman.

“YN,” Miss Francis shook her head, “All of that does not matter to me. I was happy just knowing that you were happy.”

“I am happy,” YN nodded, “And I promise you that I will never let it get to this again. I will come to see you as much as I can until… well…”

Miss Francis furrowed her eyebrows, reaching forward to pick up a biscuit, “Until what?”

YN pursed her lips in an attempt to hold back her smile, and yet she could not do it. This had been the real reason that YN had wanted to come and make amends for the guilt that she had been feeling. When she had finally come to terms with the fact that she was pregnant a few days ago, the first person (besides Harry) that she had wanted to tell was Miss Francis. She had wanted to tell her straight away, but it had taken her a few days for the nausea to not be so bad, and in fact for her to be able to get up and ready and even contemplate leaving the house. Harry had not left her alone these past few days, doing everything that he could to make her comfortable. That was why when she had felt fine this morning and had asked Harry to make sure the carriage was ready to take her into town – Harry had tried and tried to get her to allow him to come with her.

It had taken YN explaining to Harry the reason behind the visit, and how she needed to do this on her own for Harry to finally let her go without him. It was under the stipulation that she would go there and come straight back, and if she started to feel ill at any point she had to return immediately. YN, not wanting to upset him anymore nodded and accepted the stipulations with a light kiss to his lips. Any of the turning in her stomach that she felt today was more the nerves of the conversation she was going to have – rather than a cause of the baby.

“Let us just say that… life might be turned around once more in eight months.”

Miss Francis gasped, dropping the biscuit she had in her hand onto her lap and leaning over to wrap her arms around the younger woman. YN laughed, swaying with Miss Francis as they embraced.

“Oh, YN,” Miss Francis pulled away, the tears in her waterline now ones of joy, “I am so happy for you, darling.”

YN had her own tears that were threatening to spill down her cheeks. Another part of this which she had not expected to experience as well as the nausea was the up and down of her emotions. Harry, who probably had prior knowledge of this, had taken her constant changes of mood like a champ thankfully. YN, however, was struggling slightly with the changes.

“I wanted to tell you,” YN nodded, “I needed to tell you. I need you to be with me throughout this.”

“Of course, I will, darling,” Miss Francis smiled, running her hand across YN’s cheek, “I will be here for anything that you need.”

“Thank you,” YN nodded.

It was then that Miss Francis sprung up into action, walking over to the trunk where YN had brought some of her dresses with her. YN knew better than to interrupt Miss Francis when she was working, so instead she stood up and allowed the older woman to boss her around the way she needed her to.

“I did wonder when you showed up with the trunk what was happening,” Miss Francis spoke pulling the dresses out, “I should have known.”

“It is just the ones that I think with a bit of altering should have some give,” YN nodded, allowing the older woman to hold the dress up to her body, “Harry said I should have some new ones made but I do not see the need.”

“You might have to, YN,” Miss Francis explains, “Depending on how much altering I can do to these dresses.”

“Well,” YN offers Miss Francis a smile, “You have never been one to turn down a challenge.”

“That I have not,” Miss Francis laughs, “Now, you have to tell me everything. How did you tell Mr Styles?

“It is not quite the story you imagine it to be, I am afraid,” Then the two women broke out into a fit of giggles and it was as though nothing had happened between them at all.

Nathaniel Styles entered the world a mere eight months later.

Eight months of what some might conclude as torture, but others may count as bliss. YN had realised that her pregnancy would be a mixture of the two. She possibly should have realised when the first few months of her pregnancy were torture that she was not necessarily going to have the easiest pregnancy. It had been easy to realise that this experience was beautiful, and YN would not have changed it for the world – it was also difficult for her.

It had also taken a toll on Harry. He had already been particularly attentive before her pregnancy, but it seemed as though it was even more so when she got pregnant. She should have known the way that he acted when she had first told him that she was pregnant and that he was going to be that way. If she thought that Harry was bad before, the closer they were to welcoming their bundle of joy into the world – the more that he would not leave her alone at all. He was there, always in the room with her and ready to be there if anything happened. YN, whilst she may not have said so during time, was thankful for him.

By the time that YN had realised she was in labour, there had been no time to do anything. If Harry had not devoted himself to being close to her at all times (especially during the latter part of the pregnancy) then she would have worried about him missing the birth.

It was slightly scary the speed at which her labour progressed, there was not even any time to call for a doctor, or even Harry’s mother or Miss Francis. She had to rely upon Harry and the maids that were at hand in the house.

Whilst Harry had tried his very hardest to not make it obvious that he was worried, YN knew him too well and knew that he was. The speed at which her labour was progressing was the thing that worried him more than anything. It was as though he had kept worrying about something going wrong, and yet nothing ever seemed to.

It was in the mid-afternoon when their baby boy made his way into the world, making their two other children siblings once more.

Harry had not put Nathaniel down since he had made his entrance into the world. One of the first things that caused YN to fall in love with Harry was the love and care that he had for his children, and now that they had one of their own – that had certainly not changed. YN had been resting in the bed, unable to take her eyes off her husband sitting on the lounger next to the window, with their baby boy placed on his chest. Nathaniel was sleeping soundly against his father’s chest, obviously finding the comfort he needed in the skin-to-skin contact.

There was not a single sound in the room apart from a babble from Nathaniel now and then, until there was a knock at the door. YN’s face broke into a smile when she saw Anne, Harry’s mother peering her head into the room.

Anne held a similar smile on her face, “Are you up for any visitors?”

“Of course, I am,” YN beamed, any ounce of fatigue immediately dissipating from her body. She watched as Noah and Norah walked into the room, both of them rushing around the bed and towards her.

“Is that him? My baby brother?” Noah pointed to the baby bundled against Harry’s chest, his face beaming out into a smile.

“It is,” YN smiled, her head dropping against her shoulder as she watched the two older children walk closer to their new sibling.

It was not often that YN would say that she saw the two of them nervous. They were such confident children; it was so out of character for them. There was nothing in this world that scared them, and yet for some reason, they both seemed that way about meeting their new brother. As the children inched closer to their father, YN felt the bed dip at the side of her. She smiled as she saw Anne sitting there, immediately reaching out to grab YN’s hand.

“How are you feeling?” Anne asked, pushing some of YN’s hair out of her face slightly.

YN smiled, accepting the woman’s comforting touch, “Tired, but I am well. It all seemed to happen very quickly.”

“Harry’s birth was just the same,” Anne smiled, “If you need anything, do not be afraid to ask.”

YN smiled, “Thank you.”

Both of the women’s attention immediately turned to Harry, who was instructing Noah on how best to sit to hold his brother in his arms. The eldest boy’s eyes were wide, and he was listening to every word from his father’s mouth as he spoke.

“Keep your arms together, just like that,” Noah nodded, watching as his father moved Nathaniel from his arms and placed him down in his sons. His face broke into a smile once the little boy was safe and secure in his arms.

“He’s so small,” Noah commented, his eyes wide as he looked up to YN for just a second until they dropped back down to his brother.

“Well,” Harry sighed, reaching over to run the back of his finger across the expanse of Nathaniel’s small cheek, “You both were once this small.”

“Really?” Norah’s eyes lit up, “But you always say that I am your big girl.”

Harry nodded, suppressing a chuckle slightly before he reached his arm out to wrap around his daughter’s body, pulling her into the side of him, “You are my big girl, but you were once my small girl too, but you will always be my baby.”

Norah smiled, accepting the kiss that Harry placed on her cheek. It was very quickly that (just as her brother’s) Norah’s attention was placed upon her little brother, who had interrupted his sleep once again to let out a small whine before falling straight back into a slumber.

“Look at that,” YN smiled, “He feels safe with his big brother.”

Noah smiled once more before it was replaced with one of concern when Nathaniel broke out into tears, his little face turning red and his eyebrows furrowing. Noah’s eyes widened, looking between Harry and YN with a panic-stricken face.

“It is okay, bud,” Harry chuckled slightly, an amused glint in his eyes as they met YN’s, “He must be hungry.”

YN and Anne both chuckled from their place on the bed, watching as Noah angled his arms towards Harry slightly so that he could take his brother off him.

“I think that is our cue to leave,” Anne smiled, squeezing YN’s hand one last before climbing off the bed, “I am sure that there’s some trouble that we can get up to.”

YN smiled, opening her arms wide so that both Noah and Norah could come and hug her and kiss her before they left. Norah had a pouting face as she came over to YN. The older woman attempted to wipe it off her face, but she could not.

“And what is with that face, Norah?” YN teased, running her finger across the girl’s cheek lightly.

She pouted one more time, “I did not get to hold Nathaniel.”

YN smiled, placing a kiss on the younger girl’s cheek, “Your time will come, Norah, I promise. But he’s small now and needs me to feed him but I promise that once he has a full stomach – you will be the first to hold him.”

Norah sighed but alas nodded her head, “I suppose I can live with that.”

“I suppose you can,” YN smiled, “Now go, I’m sure Nana has plenty of things planned for you in the meantime.”

The children both nodded, accepting their Nana’s outstretched hands and walked out of the room. Both Harry and YN watched as the door closed behind them, a smile passing between them as it did. YN pulled herself up slightly so that she was in a sitting position, and smiled as Harry dropped down next to her, passing her Nathaniel as he did.

YN smiled at Nathaniel, and even though his little face was still red and scrunched with tears, YN would not change it for the world. Harry helped in pulling her nightgown down of herself, the act itself being sort of difficult with little Nathaniel in her arms. She sighed slightly as Nathaniel attached to her nipple, her body falling into Harry’s embrace as he wrapped his arm around YN’s shoulder, her head dropping down to his.

It was as though the second that Nathaniel had latched on, his face relaxed and peace was restored throughout his body. His eyes were wide, never leaving his parents faces as he began to eat. It was a beautiful moment, a moment that YN would never forget.

Harry sighed, lifting his free hand up to run his finger across Nathaniel’s cheek again, “He’s got your nose.”

YN chuckled slightly, trying her hardest not to shake too much and disturb the little boy pressed against her chest, “He does… it is no wonder I had so much heartburn with all of that hair – that’s certainly taking after you.”

Harry is the one who chuckles this time, leaning down to press a kiss to the top of YN’s head, “I hope he has your eyes.”

YN shook her head, turning so that she was facing Harry, “I want him to have your eyes.”

Harry smiled, leaning forward to place his forehead against YN’s. Harry’s eyes were one of the first things that YN noticed about him, and they will always be one of her favourite things about him. People always say that home is not a house, and instead can be found in a person. That was more obvious to her when she met Harry, and even more so when she looked into those green eyes of his. Those eyes, especially when they looked at her made her feel more at home than anything in this world. They were her comfort, her love, and more importantly, her home.

“Are you sure that you want him to have my eyes?” Harry questioned, pulling away slightly to look at her, “Because we both know we will not be able to say no to him.”

YN laughs before shaking her head, “I have no trouble saying no to you.”

“That is true,” Harry nods, “I suppose it shall be me that struggles to say no. I will compromise with the next one having your eyes.”

YN chuckled, “The next one?”

“Of course,” Harry sighed, “If you would want that.”

After sharing a slight chuckle between the two of them, they both turned to look at their son, who was becoming drowsier by the second. They decided that now was probably the best time to burp and place him down for a nap. Harry placed a cloth over his shoulder and carefully removed Nathaniel out of YN’s arms again, picking him up and placing him upon his shoulder.

YN watched with a smile as Harry started to walk around the room, gently rubbing Nathaniel’s back in hopes that it would coax a burp out of him. There was something so beautiful about the sight in front of her The fact that seven years ago YN had thought that marriage was out of the picture for her, and here she was now with a husband she could not love any more than she did and three beautiful children.

It was not long before Nathaniel let out the perfect burp, and his eyes began to close once more. He, so far, was the perfect baby. YN could not be luckier, and she also could not be luckier with the man she was raising him with.

“That’s it, baby boy,” YN watched as Harry swaddled the baby with a blanket, dropping him down lightly in the bassinet at the side of the bed.

There was a sigh from Nathaniel, and then not a single peep from him. Harry sighed, dropping back down on the bed next to YN, pulling her closer to him so she was resting her head on his chest. YN sighed into his body, dropping her hand upon his chest.

“Thank you,” YN mumbled, lifting her hand so that she was looking at him, “For everything.”

“No,” Harry shook his head, “Thank you.”

[ofstarsandvibranium]

Guarded Desires: Part 3

Fandom: Star Wars - The Acolyte

Pairing: Padawan!Qimir x Princess!Reader

Summary: After an assassination attempt on your mother, she’s asked a favor from the Jedi Council to watch over you and your family until the assailant has been caught. As a result, your mother’s old friend, Master Vernestra, has her padawan, Qimir, be your bodyguard. Based off my imagine here.

Series Masterlist

Throughout the day, Qimir remains at your side. He remains reserved and serious for the most part. You continue to ask him questions about his training and the Jedi way. He finds amusement in your excitement and curiosity, but it's also refreshing.

When Master Vernestra informed him that he as well as other Jedis and padawans would be protecting your family for a time, he didn't expect you to be this way. He's never met any form of royalty. He assumed that they'd be serious and reserved. You clearly proved him wrong.

He's known you for less than a day and he already sees how strong, resilient, funny, caring, and fun you can be. He expected you to be uptight. He was ready to be ignored, but you have made sure to include him in conversations and learn more about him. It feels nice. Nice to be seen as not just a Jedi but also a person. Someone aside from being a Force user and symbol of peace.

At the end of his first day accompanying you, Qimir reflects on his interactions with you. They cause his heart and stomach to go aflutter. He feels himself growing fond of you already and he feels guilty. Jedi aren't supposed to form close attachments to people. He scolds himself as he falls asleep in the room he's been provided in the palace. He can't fall for you. It's not the Jedi way. He needs to distance himself emotionally, he decides as he slowly falls asleep. The last thing on his mind being you.

______________________

You could tell your parents were stressed. With the assassin still at large, the King and Queen did their best to remain level-headed and resilient during this time. But you knew better.

Your parents continued to hold council meetings, each of them ensuring the council that the Jedi would be taking care of things. However, from what Qimir has told you, there aren't any leads. It's been a week since Qimir and the Jedi arrived, promising you safety and protection. Yet, they have nothing to show for it.

You suggested a day trip to the shore to distract your parents. Only your family and your respective Jedi protectors would be accompanying you.

You're building a sand castle with your sisters while your parents lay under the suns. You look up to see Qimir and Master Vernestra watching you. The other Jedis securing the area.

"Do you like Qimir, Y/N?" your sister, Ada, asks.

"Qimir is my friend, so yes, I like him."

"Do you like him like how mama and papa like each other?" Your other sister, Aspen, asks.

You look at her a little confused, "Why do you ask?"

Ada answers, "Because you look at Qimir the way mama looks at papa!"

Your eyes widen in shock and embarrassment. Have you been looking at Qimir a certain way? Sure, you two have grown closer over the week and you find peace in his companionship but do you like him in that way?

You open your mouth and then close it. You're not really sure how to answer. So you decide to change the subject. After all, your sisters can be blabber mouths when they want to be, "How about you find more shells to decorate our castle with?"

"Okay!" the twins reply in unison, both scrambling to their feet and running through the sand, picking up any shell that catches their eye.

You proceed to join your parents in their sun bathing. You sigh, sitting beside your mother. She turns to you, "What troubles you, starlight?"

You smile softly at her, "Nothing, mama. Just think this was a much needed break."

"I agree," she says, patting your arm, "Are you and the padawan still getting along?"

You nod, "Very much so. He's taught me a lot about the Jedi and he let me practice with his saber a few days ago! He-"

"I'm not sure I like him," your father says.

Your brows furrow and you quickly glance over your shoulder to Qimir and Vernestra. They seem to be discussing something, but feeling eyes on him, he turns to you and waves.

You wave back and turn your attention back to your father, "Papa, he's harmless."

"Maybe I should speak with Vernestra about switching Jedis. I don't like how close you're getting to the boy."

"What?! No! Papa-"

"If suitors see how close you're getting to him, no one will offer for your hand."

You look at him confused, "Suitors?"

Your mother gives the King a warning look, but he ignores her, "You're almost twenty-one. We've put off suitors long enough. The council want you to be married by the time you're twenty-five, at the latest."

"But why? I've proven myself to you time and time again that I don't need to be married to be seen as a competent leader. The people already respect me-"

"They'd respect you more if you were married to an equally, if not more, competent king."

You scowl, bringing yourself to your feet and walking away. You need to distance yourself from your father right before you say or do anything you'd regret.

__________________

Seeing your retreating figure, Qimir looks to his Master and she gives him a nod. He immediately goes to follow you.

"Hey! Princess Y/N! Wait!" he calls after you but his cries go unheard as you trudge further and further away from your family.

"Hold on! Don't go too far!" he grabs your wrist to stop you. You turn to reveal your red, tear filled eyes.

"What happened?" he asks softly.

"The usual," you mumble with a sniffle.

He's not sure why, but Qimir pulls you into his arms. He wraps his arms around you in a hug and you're frozen. You weren't expecting a gesture like this from him, but it feels nice.

So you let yourself wrap your arms around the Jedi, allowing yourself to cry into him as he holds you.

You two stay like this until your cries subside and you slowly pull away. You chuckle, wiping away any remaining tears, "Thank you, Qimir. You didn't need to do that."

He gives you a shy smile and a shrug, "I know, it just felt like the right thing to do."

You look over his shoulder and see Master Vernestra watching you two. You wince, "Looks like your master saw all that. Will you get in trouble?"

He shrugs, "Maybe, but I don't care....did you want to head back?"

You look out to the water, "Can we just sit here for a little?"

"Sure," Qimir says as he follows you to sit in the sand. You scoot closer to him and rest your head against his shoulder. He thanks the Maker that you can't hear or feel how hard his heart is pounding right now.

[terry-perry]

What if Carmine!Reader was the one who told Alastor that her mom killed the angel? 😯

Not part of the main storyline. Literally just a “What if…?” scenario.

"Waiting for someone?"

Alastor stiffened at the sound of your voice. He took his eyes off the egg creatures playing in the garbage and slowly turned his attention towards you. You were at his side, having just exited the building where the Overlord meeting was held. Normally your appearance was a welcoming one for Alastor, but in this case, it was nerve-racking as you came to him with a less-than-amused look on your face while dangling the whimpering egg he sent to spy on you from his little hand.

"Oh, hello dearest," Alastor did his best to maintain his composure. "I didn't wish to interrupt you, so I sent my little friend to -"

"Don't even start Alastor," you interrupted. "Your 'little friend' already told me you sent him to spy on us." When Alastor glared at the egg, you rolled your eyes some more. "Don't blame him. He was only there on your orders. It's not his fault he did a piss-poor job following them."

You let Frank go, and after falling to the ground with a harsh thud that thankfully didn't leave a crack, he scurried off to join the rest of the eggs bois while you and Alastor continued your discussion.

"Honey, I told you I needed a moment with my family," you chastised. "What made you think it was okay for you to eavesdrop? Do you not trust me?"

"Of course I do, sugar," Alastor cooed, taking your hand. "I'm sorry for taking drastic measures to invade your privacy, but you must admit your mother's reaction to that angel's head was out of character. I've never seen her so spooked or so quick to anger."

He was right to make that observation. Your mother was known for keeping a level head and not letting things affect her so much. She doesn't get surprised easily and always has a tight hold on her emotions. She said it herself that day, however: the last extermination was a brutal one and had many souls not only fear for their lives more but also left them to act on impulse.

She knew that firsthand.

"This last extermination really got to her," you began to explain. "It was a lot, and she's doing what she can to recover from it mentally and ensure nothing like it happens again."

“Understandable, of course, but I can’t say it didn’t hurt that you didn’t want me to join you in discussing everything that happened today. At the very least, I could’ve been there for Carmilla.”

You looked at him and arched a brow. You loved Alastor, but he wasn’t exactly the first demon one would go to for empathy. “Be there for her as she confirms what Velvette accused her of?”

He hummed and shrugged his shoulders, his soft smile growing with hints of his trademark smugness. “If that were to happen as well, who am I to not want to keep that personal information handy?"

There it was!

Again, you loved Alastor, but he wasn't exactly Prince Charming who did things out of the goodness of his heart. If he was going to be there for someone, he'd keep up with his illusion of being a gracious companion, but only if he knew it would benefit him. You've been with him long enough to tell the difference between his genuinely being there for someone and his sniffing out for what could be a deal in the making, and your mother dealing with today was an inappropriate time for the latter. That was why you told him to wait outside while you comforted her. He wouldn't have gone so far as to make a deal with your family, but this secret was perfect ammo for him to use for potential deals with others.

Suppose you could call his bluff and see how valuable this information was to him.

"Well, if you really wanna know, how about we make a deal?"

You concealed the giggle that wanted to burst out upon seeing how big his eyes got from hearing your words. "Excuse me?"

You reached over and patted his hand in an almost sympathetic manner. "I'm sorry for leaving you out of our discussion, especially since you are considered family now. But I knew you couldn't resist some juicy, advantageous gossip," you leaned forward, almost a kissing distance away from Alastor. You released a giggle this time when he slightly flinched away from you. It was plain to see how caught off-guard he was by how things took a turn. You found it quite cute how shaken up he was. "So now I'd like to know what you're willing to give to earn it."

He hesitated for another moment before he narrowed his eyes. He was the one to lurch forward this time, but you were more amused than scared as you reeled back from him. "I can't believe you'd go so far as to bait me, your partner, into making a deal with you, with intel that might not be as vital as we're making it out to be!"

He glared at you for a few more seconds, observing how smug you grew as you now had a hold of the situation.

His eyes softened then, having a warm glow to them, and his snarling smile grew into a happy grin as he grabbed ahold of you by the waist and pulled you towards him.

"I have never loved you more than I do now..."

[elswing]

i hate posting discourse it's pointless and doesn't do anything for me except prolong my annoyance but i'm Tired™ and feel like shouting into the void. apologies to my beautiful feanorian mutuals please look away i love u

i neeeeeeed everyone to stop claiming they like elwing if their characterisation of her is completely made-up biased bullshit that paints her as an immature and disdained ruler (?????) who couldn't balance her responsibilities with the husband she married too young (at 22. practically a child bride honestly) and the children she never wanted (where. where does it say this). she's clearly such a bad mother that she abandoned them at first opportunity (she knew the feanorians were more than capable of killing a pair of twin boys because they literally already did that. that's very much a thing that already happened. to her brothers) and it was her selfish nature that made her soooo eager to flee (she had no reason to think ulmo would save her it was literally a suicide attempt. she wanted to make sure the deaths of her people and presumed deaths of her sons weren't in vain by ensuring they never obtained the silmaril)

like i'm gonna touch your hand as i say this. it's okay if you hate her! just don't pretend that you weren't thriving in the 2016 era of silm fandom where everyone pushed all their male fave's negative traits onto any other woman in a 5 mile radius to grab Poor Little Meow Meow status for war criminal #1 #2 and #3 to then turn around and spout the exact same (factually untrue) sexist rhetoric concealed under seven layers of buzzwords just because it's the year of "unlikable and complicated female characters" like buddy who are we talking about here. have you perhaps considered making an oc?

and i'm NOT saying i want the whole fandom to mimic my exact opinions and thoughts about elwing i realise that one of the best parts of the silm is how divisive it is and how you have so much wiggle room to come to your own interpretations because of how VAGUE the source material is but i'm genuinely convinced everyone's just parroting shit they saw in ao3 fanfics where maglor is secretly lindir and the premise is elrond sneaking him into valinor and elwing yells at him for slaughtering her people. TWICE. and this is framed as a category 5 Woman Moment so elrond disowns her and calls maglor his real dad

(eärendil misses this entire ordeal because he went on a voyage to save the world that one time and no one's let him live it down since because the whole fandom as a collective decided he did this because he's a terrible dad and not because the whole continent was at war and about to be wiped out and maybe he came to the unfortunate but reasonable conclusion that leaving is the best thing he could do for his family if it meant there was a chance his sons could grow up safe in a world that wasn't ruled by Fucking Satan so now his whole Beloved Sacrificial Lion: The Thin Line Between Doomed and Prophesized Hero™ shtick is tossed out in favour of.... *checks notes* Guy Who Forgot To Pay Child Support? oh and they're a lot louder about this because he's a man so no one can call it misogyny that's why no one ever goes the #girlflop #ILoveMyBlorbosNastyAndComplicated route with him and he gets dubbed as that one asshole who just wanted fame and glory even though that goes against the general themes for tolkien's hero characters. and tolkien loved that dude to bits that was his specialist little guy so you can't seriously tell me you think that's what he was trying to portray???????? is that seriously what you think he was trying to portray????????? babe????????????

also there's a BIG difference when it's a character that's only named in one draft and doesn't exist in the rest or gil-galad who has like three and a half possible fathers but ELWING??????? the only possible way you could be coming to these conclusions is if you read the damn book with your eyes closed. FUCK.

[doodle-pops]

Feanor Walking You Down The Aisle

Request: Hello, Mina darling, can I please request some small headcanons about asking Feänor to walk you down the aisle? The reader is marrying one of his sons (unmentioned) and she has no family in her life to do it, so she asks Feänor? Thank you for considering, darling. - Anon

A/N: This was fun to write! Thanks for requesting this!

◈ Growing up without a stable family in your life left you with no one. Not once had you ever felt welcomed or a part of the community until you met one of the Princes of the Noldor. A son of the Crown Prince Fëanáro fell in love with you without questioning your background at all.

◈ His family did all that they could to make you feel welcome, not to mention his brothers ensuring that you were a victim of all their daily bullying and antics to make you feel even more like family.

◈ His mother pitied and loved you tremendously, wanting nothing more than to take you in immediately. Nerdanel was ecstatic when she learnt of the betrothment news, meaning that you were about to become an official family. However, there was just one issue at hand, a lack of a father to walk you down the aisle and give you away to your husband.

◈ The only stable male figure in your life was your betrothed’s father and you were unsure if he would be willing to walk down the aisle and give you away to his son. Not once were you on the receiving end of his temper or ill-manners a few people had spoken about, so it seemed all well to make the request.

◈ You’re nervous about the request, so you ask your betrothal if he could arrange a brunch or tea for all three of you to meet as the wedding is approaching. There, you sat, appearing like a bag of jitters before Feanor who was confused at your uneasiness.

◈ In the beginning, everything was running smoothly at the behest of your beloved. Aware of your nerves, he took over and got the conversation rolling between him and his father, occasionally including you at certain times appropriate to throw the question out there.

◈ But you’re unable to for the greater part of the conversation. So Feanor interjects, aware that you have something on your mind and requests if he should depart to give you and his son alone time to deal with the matter.

◈ At his thoughtfulness, your words tumbled out your mouth before you even knew it, and there you confessed your wish to have him walk you down the aisle as your father.

◈ On Feanor’s end, he was appalled that you would have considered him so high in your eyes to fulfil that offer. Being seen not only as your father-in-law but as an actual fatherly figure makes him forego considering and directly accepting.   

◈ He ignores the fact that you blurted it out in a vomit of random syllables and removes himself from his chair to usher you into a stance. He is gentle and soft as he celebrates your request with a fatherly embrace and soft words that put him into a chokehold.

◈ “You have brought great joy to me onya. It would be foolish of me to reject your wonderful offer.”

◈ On your big day, any nerves that you had were all washed away by Feanor’s presence at your side as he stood at the end of the aisle bequeathing courage and reassurance that he won’t let you fall or slip up. “It is a father’s job to never let his child fall.”

◈ Your entire wedding ceremony passes in bliss as Feanor takes his time to guide you down the aisle, he even offers his handkerchief to you when you teared up at the altar. During the entire ceremony, he sits patiently with a smile at the memory of walking you down the aisle as his child.

◈ Furthermore, to sink it in that you consider him as a father figure, for the father-daughter dance, you request that he join you on the floor to share that moment with you.

Masterlist

Taglist: @lilmelily @ranhanabi777 @rain-on-my-umbrella @mysticmoomin @asianbutnotjapanese @batsyforyou @sakurayaxd @involuntaryspasms @aconstructofamind @ladyenchanted @mcwentfandomtraveling @addaigio @lamemaster @stormchaser819

[hischierswhore]

the moment i knew

“what do you do when the one who means the most to you is the one who didn't show?”

pairing: Mason Mount x Reader

TW: it's just sad :(

A/N: this is part 1 of a multi part mini-series!!! each part will be inspired by a song, so this one is inspired by "The Moment I Knew (Taylor's Version)". i highly suggest listening to it as you read :)

read part 2 here

"Surprise!" Dozens of voices shouted at you as you entered your apartment. You were taken aback for a brief moment before realizing what was going on. Your best friend Nicole, as well as a few other friends and family members, had gotten together to throw you a surprise birthday party. 

"Happy birthday, sweet girl!" A large smile formed on your mother’s face as she hugged you tightly.

“My little girl is growing up so fast” Your dad pretended to wipe tears from his face before he brought you into his embrace for a hug. 

"You always say that, dad!" You said. Your eyes darted around the room, looking for someone in particular. The party had been a surprise for you, but surely they hadn't forgotten to invite your boyfriend, right? 

You were suddenly pushed toward the large table that Nicole had set up in your living room for everyone to sit at. You were pushed downward into your seat, guests beginning to talk and make their way to the table. Nicole sat on your left, and the seat to your right was empty. You quickly took notice of that.

"Hey, Nicole?" You asked your friend, leaning towards her. 

"Where’s Mason?" Nicole thought about the guest list in her head.

 "I invited him. He said he would be here” You nodded at her answer, choosing to focus on the room full of the people you held closest to your heart. 

That seemed nearly impossible though. As the night went on, and as much as you tried to enjoy your time with your friends, you couldn’t get your mind off of Mason. You had imagined this moment in your head. You pictured him walking through your door with a large bouquet in his arms. He would immediately drop the bouquet and you would run into his arms, hugging him fiercely.

However, you were brought back to reality when you saw the front door crack open. Excitement filled you for a brief moment until it fully opened to reveal two of Mason's closest friends, Christian & Ben. You forced a smile as you made your way over to the boys to greet them.

You adored the two men, but you couldn't lie to yourself and say you weren't slightly disappointed. How is it that your boyfriend's friends arrived to your party before your own boyfriend did?

You gave each boy a hug before pulling away and starting conversation with the pair.

"Where's Mason at?" Christian asked you mid-conversation.

 "Uhh… I actually don't know" You tried to answer before you excused yourself and ran off to the bathroom.

Ben and Christian's faces were filled with concern as you practically ran from them. They followed you to ensure you were okay, stopping when they saw you sitting in the corner of an empty room, knees to your chest as tears started to fall down your cheeks.

“Are you okay?” Ben asked as he and Christian bent down to sit next to you.

“Mason’s never going to show up” You whispered as you looked up.

"He told me he would be here, okay?" Ben said, placing a supportive hand on your shoulder.

"He'll be here any minute. He probably got caught up with something" Christian threw you a soft smile. You nodded, wiping away a tear that had sprung loose. Maybe you were just rushing to a conclusion. Ben & Chris helped you up and you told them to go have fun.

Once they turned and walked away, you pushed open the bathroom door. When you were finally alone, the floodgates opened, and the tears seemed never-ending. They fell down your face in waves, ruining your mascara and red lipstick. You couldn't shake the thought that he wouldn't show up out of your head.

The emotions you felt throughout the night may not have all been good ones, but they all stemmed from love for the same man. No matter how hard you tried to focus on the positive, that he still had time to show up, it didn't matter if he was ever going to show up or not. It still hurt that he had disappointed you like that.

You fixed your makeup and exited the bathroom. As you made your way back to your table, you were met with Nicole.

"We're going to cut the cake" She smiled as she grabbed your hand and dragged you to your seat.

"Could we wait for Mason?" You asked quietly, slowly looking at Nicole for confirmation, but she frowned.

"It's getting late, and some of us have to leave soon" You nodded your head in understanding. As much fun as this party was, you were drained and wanted nothing more than to be in bed. Granted, you wanted to be in your boyfriend's arms, but by the looks of things, you wouldn't be having that.

You quickly checked your phone as Nicole went to grab the cake. You had tons of messages from friends & family that couldn't attend your party, but no texts or calls from him. Moments later, Nicole brought the cake into the room and placed it in front of you . Your mother placed two large candles in the white icing before grabbing a lighter and lighting the candles.

When the entire room started to sing happy birthday, you felt like it was going in slow motion. All you wanted to do was go to your bed and not leave, but instead, you pushed those feelings aside and blew out the candles.

~~~~~~~

It was past midnight by now, and everyone else had left. You dragged yourself to take a hot shower, hoping it would help you in some way. Afterward, you laid on your bed, scrolling aimlessly through Tiktok in attempt to take your mind off of the fact that Mason didn't show up to your birthday party. In fact, he still hadn't even called. He always seemed to be working; he never had time for you anymore.

The first few months of your relationship had been pure bliss. You both traveled together, trying different restaurants and exploring different cities whenever he had to go to another city for an away match. Now you couldn't even go with him like you used to. He always had to do press and additional training since he was still fresh off an injury. The only time you got to see or hear from him was when he called, or the sparse days he didn't have training, a match or any football-related interview.

But tonight's catastrophe took the cake. You were convinced that the other guests had noticed your boyfriend's absence, wondering why he wasn't here on your birthday. You couldn't even properly enjoy the evening, seeing as you were too busy wondering when and if he would show.

Just as you were about to call it a night and drift off to sleep, your phone rang. You examined the caller ID notification at the top of your screen, reading his name as any anger inside of you cooled when you accepted the phone call.

"Y/N!" He said. On the other end of the line, he sounded out of breath.

"I'm so sorry I couldn't make it tonight. I wanted to be there, but…" Before he could say any more, you interrupted him.

"Don't" You tried to ignore the hurt in your voice as you spoke.

"Y/n please-"

"It's been a long night, Mason. I'm really drained and I just really want to go to sleep" Your voice sounded broken.

"Oh okay. Well, I'll call you tomorrow. Maybe we can go out or something. Goodnight, Y/n"

"Good-" Was all you could manage to utter before he ended the call. He didn't bother telling you that he loved you. In fact, he hadn't uttered anything of significance throughout the entire duration of your phone call.

Your shoulders slumped as you dropped the phone onto your bed, crying softly into the pillow as you drifted off to sleep, dreading your planned phone call for the next morning.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

taglist

@ithinkimokeei @myheartgoesvroom @mounthings @tall-tanned-tattoo @itsnotgray @alwaysclassyeagle @charlewiss @mortirolo @fallingin20 @chelseagirl98 @lovelynikol16 @username-envy @swimmingismywholelife @pulisicsgirl @notsoattractivearenti @pulisichavertz @fernandezology @thoseboysinblue @neverinadream @bracedes

[quitealotofsodapop]

haha I love the "slow-boiled stone egg" name for this au thats adorable! I have some to chew on now thank you! I will be drawing some funny moments for this au now <3

[Many foes back off just by the tired firey glare in the King's eyes.] Wukong's presence is enough to scare most off, and the most of the rest who think about still trying end up taking one look at him and just knowing it's not worth it XD

[Wukong never managed to tell Macaque about the Egg in that lifetime.] it breaks his heart. later, the fact he never knew breaks Macaque's heart too, he'd always wanted a family with his king

[he's convinced that the Egg's presence at the Samadhi Fire was what caused the Rings to Split and hit Ao Lie.] I didn't mention it in my first post but it was part of my thought process that the stone egg started "kicking" mid-ritual, and try as he might to keep control of the situation the pain from that is what causes Wukong to slip allowing the creation of the fourth ring.

[By isolating himself, he accidentally causes his body to *turn down the heat* and extend the process even longer.] awww no, nore isolation! he's gonna be so mad when he realizes he prolonged the whole thing more. but maybe it's better that way, it wouldn't be good to have the egg be born while his mental health is that bad and he doesn't have a support network. egg is like, "no troop? no family? not suitable conditions, I'm staying in here for now". [he geniunely believed that keeping MK whilst the Stone Egg was still draining life force could kill the cub. So SWK is forced to give the little toddler up to save his life.] on the same note it's also (unfortunately) for the better, he wasn't in the right mind to care for a kid, and ebven if that isn't the direct reason he acknowledges as he reason to give MK up the fact he recognizes he might not be safe for a kid right now and does things to ensure MK still gets a good life says a lot. bonus points if he still watches over MK as he grows and giving up MK leads him to trying to better his mental health for the sake of his unborn infant.

[When him and MK finally reunite, its a little awkward but MK immediately understands the reason for the Monkey King's retirement.] wait, did MK remember he was with SWK first here or was just "meeting my fav legend irl" kind of awkward? also MK assuming it's a bad break up situation is super funny when you remember that it was his break up with Macaque that led to Wukong's body finally reaching peak egg making conditions. in a way, it is a bad break up situation, just not in the way that MK is assuming.

[being "like this longer than even Lao Tzu's mother". He returns to Pigsy's that evening silent with a horrified look on his face.] SWK def brags that he now holds the record for the longest pregnancy from any immortal. when MK goes back to Pigsy's the othres notice, and MK having already told the others why SWK wasn't doing hero work himself anymore (with SWK's permission ofc) explains what Wukong told him and the whole shop is silently horrified/very sympathetic the rest of the night.

[New Years does not go smoothly. The Spider Queen can sense that there's a new life within the King, but she decides its an issue for after the takeover.] Wukong is very surprised she doesn't immediately try and exploit the obvious weakness but she's like "I hate you but I still have some honor ape" but still goes and drains him. he's very surprised to see LBD present, and her being there when he's caught is how she learns he's carrying a stone egg. her having this information freaks him out, especially when it doesn't take her long to start making passive threats. after the spider queen debacle SWK def make a really quick tri to the south sea for a check up with Kuan Yin to make sure being drained like that didn't hurt the egg.

[DBK frees himself, not only from the fear of losing his wife and his son, but also out of fury that Wukong had been hiding his condition for so long!!] LBD approaches SWK who is tied up close to DBK, so DBK hears the whole conversation, including the parts about Wukong's condition. he spends the whole time he's trying to escape grilling Wukong about keeping it secret from even him.

[Any resentment surrounding the Bull's imprisonment is forgiven due to a certain offer... + PIF demands a proper baby shower when she hears about it from her excited husband later.] it is surprisingly easy to get back into the bull family's good graces after imprisoning DBK with that single question, as well as making up for not telling them. DBK picks up red son and runs back home super excited, he busts down the doors to his family's castle and just yells "DARLING WE'RE GONNA BE GODPARENTS" to both PIF and RS's confusion until he explains everything.

[Macaque has... suspicions when he and Wukong finally meet again in S1. He makes a comment about the king being "out of shape", but becomes concerned when his Sun refuses to fight in any way that leaves his stomach exposed.] Macaque's "comprehension of all" be coming in clutch here baby! he's instantly concerned about Wukong so closely protecting a certain part of his bidy, that usually means there's a vulnrability, a big one, but it's only when he's laying in bed later that night that it occurs to him just what that vulbrability may have been. it causes many sleepless nights after that, driving himself insane trying to figure out if he;s right or not with the information he has at hand.

["The Shadow Play" becomes more a plan to trap the Monkie Kid gang for answers. MK spills the beans. Macaque stares blankly for a minute before yelling in frustration. It's too much emotional baggage to process right now!] the endless speculation becomes too much and he just needs answers, now. but with that question out of the way there's a couple more lined right up. how far a long is he? who;s the other parent? when did it happen? but ofc he ends up not having the chance to answer those questions before LBD decides to shake things up some more.

[now with the additional threat that she will harm the Stone Egg if Macaque fails her again...] even without all the answers he wants about the stone egg Macaque knows he can't let that happen, he may have hated Wukong for a while and they have yet to even begin reconciling but he would never do anything to harm Wukong's baby if he ever had one. he wasn't going to bring an infant into their conflict. but Wukong doesn't know that. he knows Wukong doesn't know that from the way he hunches in on himself to protect his stomach the second Macaque's voice is heard above the airship. Wukong is at first terrified when Macaque gets involved, he hates the idea of having to choose between him or his unborn infant again, but Wukong already knows what he'll choose if he has to. but Macaque barely even acknowledges him, specifically doesn't target him, a noteworthy thing since Macaque's quarrel is most personal with the sage. SWK doesn't complain, he doesn't want to have to choose again.

[She tries to offer protection for the Stone Egg in exchange for the world - but Wukong refuses to answer and gets the drop on him.] clever considering his love for children in general let alone his own, but what good is having his little one alone when he so desperately wants to share that love with his family? [Macaque breaks the King from his possession by casually placing a curious hand on his swollen stomach, smiling in a way Wukong hadn't seen in centuries. "I know," is all that is said as the two monkeys allow their foreheads to touch.] Macaque is very mindful not to do anything that would risk the stone egg's life during the fight because LBD doesn't care to protect SWK's stomach the way he himself did back in s1. still, Wukong was so stressed by what was happening while he was possessed that Macaque's gentleness+pregnancy hormones causes him to ust start bawling his eyes out. loud, ugly crying tears of joy and relief.

[She did not count upon the Egg recognising her as a yummy source of spirtual energy as she was possessing it's parent. LBD soul is literally devoured as the Stone Egg responds to Wukong and Macaque's reconcillation.] the mental image of the stone egg's magic just chomping down on LBD's soul is super funny, stone egg be like "you hurt bama and then try and leave like nothing? i think not! nom". SWK sensing the egg absorbing some powerful magic and is just like "oh gods".

[Until the newly unpossessed Monkey King doubles over in pain and cries for the Bodhisattva to help him. Guanyin is on the scene in seconds, glaring at her little brother angrily. Half the gang stare jaws dropped at what is happening while the rest are panicking.] the stone egg go the last of the magic it needed and later during the celebrations felt that SWK finally had his whole family present and didn't feel isolated anymore and was like "huh, guess it's time, is it? okay" and that's that. with how close he was to popping these days Wukong had Guanyin on speed dial in case of labor finally occuring, comes in handy now with how quick they shows up but they're not happy with Wukong for putting himself and the egg in so much danger with what was happening with LBD. he shouldn't have been fighting her! he shouldn't have been fighting at all! and the smadhi fire again? they're gonna skin Wukong.

[After many hours of painful labor with Macaque clutching his hand for support, Wukong *finally* greets his baby for the first time.] Macaque is def worried on a few occasions that his hand is gonna break, but he ends up only losing feeling in his hand for a while. it's also bruised and sore for a while but it's the price he's willing to pay to be present for the stone egg's arrival. Wukong, holding his new born infant after the egg hatches def joke that she "kept him waiting".

[Her dark fur is hard to ignore. As well as the ice-blue eyes that stare between the two monkeys with wonder.] ice blue eyes as a side affect of LBD's soul getting devoured at the end there, but what if the dark fur is actually because of SWK constantly yearning for Macaque to come back after their fight during the early stages of his pregnancy, SWK's desire and longing worsened by hormones causing her to shift in appearance to fit not just her parent but his wants. [And the little excited chirps she makes that sing the tune of Wukong's favorite songs. Everyone in the Monkie Kid gang, the Demon Bull family, and any present celestials are crying with joy.] I headcanon Wukong hums a lot, so his infant picking up on the sounds of the tunes he hummed in the later stages of his pregnancy is very cute, but he probably thinks every sound she makes is like music even when not trying to mimic him. he bursts into tears the first time she chirps. Macaque def cries at her having dark fur like him cause it makes him feel more like a bio parent. DBK tries to hold it together but starts crying when she can fit into his cupped palm with ease. Kuanyin cries and gives Wukong a hug when he holds her for the first time.

[Gold Star comes down from Heaven in person to bless her arrival.] he is thanked for his blessing and also thanked for being to busy to read the specifics of Wukong's imprisonment, seeing as if he had Wukong wouldn't be holding the most precious little furball in the universe right now.

[Her eye lazers come in a little later than expected... singeing Azure Lion's fur as he goes to take the Jade Emperor's throne. All present, including members of the Brotherhood, laugh at the coincidence.] it's hard not to laugh given the context, there ends up being a joke mad that every new Jade Emperor will have stone monkey lazer eyes shot at them when they try and sit on the throne for the first time. Wukong is insanely proud.

[Yuebei's whole family are willing to *destroy* the divine animals if even dare touch a single hair on her little head.] Azure would likely try deluding himself into believing that he, Wukong, and Yuebei could be a perfect family once justice is brought to Heaven, or try to blackmail the MKrew. or both. you can imagine that won't go over with anyone too well.

[The retrieve Yuebei after they enter the palace and see the three usurpers beaten to a pulp. The infant monkey rolling around on her butt as she giggles. Azure begs the crew to "please take her back".] Azure was so busy fantasizing he didn't notice Yuebei starting to get playful, and playful+super power do not mix. she starts tugging at him to play and the rest is history.

[Wukong and Macaque are so proud of their super-delayed baby girl. :3] they will always be super proud ;)

sorta mirror post to this one.

[it breaks his heart. later, the fact he never knew breaks Macaque's heart too, he'd always wanted a family with his king]

Macaque having the mega-regret when he finds out all those years later about the Stone Egg, feeling like a dad who wasn't around for their (ex)partner and unborn baby and barely having enough time to adjust when baby arrives.

[I didn't mention it in my first post but it was part of my thought process that the stone egg started "kicking" mid-ritual, and try as he might to keep control of the situation the pain from that is what causes Wukong to slip allowing the creation of the fourth ring.]

Ooh he'd feel so bad for allowing the slip-up to happen cus of being distracted by the Egg moving (likely responding to the Samadhi fire like it would consumable dao like; "Hey, can I eat that- OOO NO SPICY!!!"). Whats worse is that his slip-up indirectly hurt his baby's godfather, and nearly killed his master :(

Wukong's mental health was not good after the ritual, no matter how greatful the Ironbull couple were for the safety of their son. Wukong risked his own baby for them, and the couple don't learn this until centuries later.

[on the same note it's also (unfortunately) for the better, he wasn't in the right mind to care for a kid, and ebven if that isn't the direct reason he acknowledges as he reason to give MK up the fact he recognizes he might not be safe for a kid right now and does things to ensure MK still gets a good life says a lot. bonus points if he still watches over MK as he grows and giving up MK leads him to trying to better his mental health for the sake of his unborn infant.]

Bonus sad detail: Wukong probably didn't need to give up MK. The Stone Egg would have sensed MK as a fellow baby monkey, and hence "troop/sibling, no eat". But Wukong could not take that chance with the limited knowledge he had. He'd rather silently watch over MK being raised by other parents, than risk the Egg's magic killing the older cub. And ofc he was in a mental health pit and just *couldn't* raise MK on his own in that state.

[Wukong is very surprised she doesn't immediately try and exploit the obvious weakness but she's like "I hate you but I still have some honor ape" but still goes and drains him.] + [after the spider queen debacle SWK def make a really quick tri to the south sea for a check up with Kuan Yin to make sure being drained like that didn't hurt the egg.]

Ohhhh, imagine post-New Years the Spider gang hears some furious knocking at the entrance to the sewer-cave. Spider Queen turns, only to see Guanyin/Kuan Yin glaring her down like the vengeful goddess she is.

Quanyin: "You hurt my little brother and his unborn baby."

[even without all the answers he wants about the stone egg Macaque knows he can't let that happen, he may have hated Wukong for a while and they have yet to even begin reconciling but he would never do anything to harm Wukong's baby if he ever had one. he wasn't going to bring an infant into their conflict. but Wukong doesn't know that.he knows Wukong doesn't know that from the way he hunches in on himself to protect his stomach the second Macaque's voice is heard above the airship. Wukong is at first terrified when Macaque gets involved, he hates the idea of having to choose between him or his unborn infant again, but Wukong already knows what he'll choose if he has to.]

Ohohoho the spicy conflict. Wukong not wanting to choose his baby's safety over Macaque again, not knowing that this time Macaque knows about the Egg and is trying his damn best to ignore Wukong so he won't have to.

Instead of the infamous "OH WUKONG!" while flying overhead at the end of S2, Macaque instead announces hos presence to MK specifically. Wukong and the gang are confused when Mac is actively trying to pretend Wukong isn't there until it clicks that he knows.

[clever considering his love for children in general let alone his own, but what good is having his little one alone when he so desperately wants to share that love with his family?]

Wukong gets the drop on him cus it's such a paradoxial offer. If he agrees, his baby will be a lonely little cub in the world like he was + he'll lose all his found family and the world at large. If he refuses, LBD might just decide to aim for the Egg directly, taking away something Wukong has been incubating/nuturing for centuries away from him and using the energy accumilated within to fuel her mech.

It gives him enough pause that LBD manages to target her possession onto him.

LBD does not think about feeding Wukong in this timeframe ofc, since in her mind he's an immortal self-sustaining puppet now. It's ultimately what leads to her demise...

[the mental image of the stone egg's magic just chompingdown on LBD's soul is super funny, stone egg be like "you hurt bama and then try and leave like nothing? i think not! nom". SWK sensing the egg absorbing some powerful magic and is just like "oh gods".]

Oh gosh I'm trying to think of how terrfying that would be to witness.

You know when the Mayor gets un-possessed by LBD? Think that, but the soul energy is getting eaten like a string of noodles and slurped into Wukong's body.

Yuebei, from deep within Wukong's body: *burp!* Everyone present: 0_o Wukong, very concerned/proud(?): "Uh... I guess the Egg... ate her???"

[the stone egg go the last of the magic it needed and later during the celebrations felt that SWK finally had his whole family present and didn't feel isolated anymore and was like "huh, guess it's time, is it? okay" and that's that.]

The Egg needed Wukong to gain a couple few more family members before it could "hatch" into Baby. XD

[I headcanon Wukong hums a lot, so his infant picking up on the sounds of the tunes he hummed in the later stages of his pregnancy is very cute, but he probably thinks every sound she makes is like music even when not trying to mimic him. he bursts into tears the first time she chirps. Macaque def cries at her having dark fur like him cause it makes him feel more like a bio parent. DBK tries to hold it together but starts crying when she can fit into his cupped palm with ease. Kuanyin cries and gives Wukong a hug when he holds her for the first time.]

The whole squad is crying.

The baby does a little series of chirps that Wukong swears sound like a piece of music he hummed to himself when alone. He can barely explain it until he just buries his face into his (!!!) baby's dark fluffy hair. She smells like new beginnings and Wukong has to constantly wipe his eyes to prevent his tears from wetting her little face.

Mac's crying cus he's finally coming to terms with why Wukong hurt him all those years ago + he's meeting his former mate's little cub who looks like him!! He makes a sound akin to a dying squeaky toy when he's asked how he thinks of little Yuebei.

DBK holds it together until he has Yuebei in his palm. Smaller than even Red Son was as a baby. DBK does one deep breath... and quickly has to pass the baby to PIF cus his eyes have turned into waterfalls. She's so small!!

Quanyin has cried many times in their life as a goddess... but holding Yuebei is the first time in a long time she makes a joyful snotty sob. The baby monkey is confused by the bodhisattva's reaction, and tries kissing her tears away. This only makes her honorary aunt/grandmother cry even harder with pride and joy.

Not to mention how hard MK cries when Wukong introduces him to Yuebei as "your honorary big brother". Mei has hundreds of timelapsed photos of MK as his face contorts into an ugly cry as he holds Yuebei for the first time.

[he is thanked for his blessing and also thanked for being to busy to read the specifics of Wukong's imprisonment, seeing as if he had Wukong wouldn't be holding the most precious little furball in the universe right now.]

When Gold Star arrives to deliver his blessing, he finally gets a good look at the baby and is like "Oh!!" His previous divine demeanor immediately drops like an old coat, cus this is the first Stone Monkey infant he's seen in thousands of years!! And she's so beautiful!! He reminds himself to say sorry to Wukong for not checking if the Buddha's punishment was Stone Monkey friendly. Wukong and Mac laugh him off cus the Gold Star of Venus is currently having his beard nearly yanked off by the playful newborn cub.

[it's hard not to laugh given the context, there ends up being a joke mad that every new Jade Emperor will have stone monkey lazer eyes shot at them when they try and sit on the throne for the first time. Wukong is insanely proud.]

Wukong most certainly is proud!! His little girl is already developing ways to defend herself! She's supposed to be kidnapped after all.

[Azure would likely try deluding himself into believing that he, Wukong, and Yuebei could be a perfect family once justice is brought to Heaven, or try to blackmail the MKrew. or both. you can imagine that won't go over with anyone too well.]

Azure: "What do you think little cub? Am I not a fine Emperor and guardian? Do you think your mother will warm to being at my side?" Yuebei, hungry, frustrated, and bored: *glares and makes a distinctly "Macaque"-sound as her ears glow* The Brotherhood: "..." Peng: "She must be hard to impress. As any princess ought to be." Azure: *feels a little better* :'3 Yellowtusk the Wise, internally: "I'm telling Guanyin. I am not going to be held responsible for what nonsense Azure gets up to regarding Wukong and the infant."

[Azure was so busy fantasizing he didn't notice Yuebei starting to get playful, and playful+super power do not mix. she starts tugging at him to play and the rest is history.] + [they will always be super proud ;)]

If Azure still had a tail, Yuebei would have taken it as a chew toy long before the MKrew (love that name) got there. And Wukong would have let her keep it as a trophy.

Hope you enjoy this slightly different version of the other ask! I hope I managed to get to some details I forgot/overlooked in the other one!

[anemonelovesfiction]

Colors of Pandora 7: Pink

Jake x Fem! Omatikaya Reader

Emotion: Romance

Warnings ⚠️: none SAFE FOR WORK

Essentially a part two to this work

Last day of Colors of Pandora and I’m sad but also happy?!

A huge thank you to @xylianasblog for having come up with this event in the first place, thank you for your hard work darling❤️

Translation Station

Ikran: Warriors Mount

Olo’eyktan: Male Clan Leader

Kelku: Home

Word count: 1.4k

“Why do you feel the need to take care of others?” His voice was a soft timber breaking through the silence of the early morning.

I’d managed to wake up and just as he promised the night before we had to talk, but we’d decided on taking our ikran out toward the forest to speak privately, climbing the tree we were currently on being careful with my arm to ensure I didn’t damage it any further. The view we were seeing involved a lot of the forest, but it was too vast for us to be able to see a majority of it, but the bits we could see were beautiful.

The sun was rising from between the mountains and sky, the orange, red, and pink hues capturing its essence in a wonderful way. My heart beating slightly faster after having processed his question as I realized I’d have to finally open up about my past to the leader of our clan.

“It helps me forget about the war,” I answered honestly, attempting to take in a breath to explain further if needed, knowing I would have to as my answer was somewhat vague.

“Who did you lose?” It was a simple question really, but it was one that brought slight pain, the pain of having to remember the reason I often buried myself in my work.

“Both my parents.” I answered as I lowered my head to view my fingers starting to pick at one another, something I often did when I was growing nervous.

“I’m sorry for the pain I have caused you.” He apologizes but it doesn’t change the past. We knew what he had done after he had explained once he came back from mating with Neytiri, a lot of us were upset with him, but I always kind of knew he was stuck between a rock and a hard place. Having to follow orders just to keep his place here, it wasn’t hard to read him, and I could tell he was honest with his apology, but our people were quick to anger and it didn’t matter to them how sorry he was. And now he was our leader, how strange, the great mother must have plans for him if he was still alive, and holding a place of importance within us.

“I have forgiven you a long time ago.” I answered honestly, letting my shoulders fall as I pick my head back up to stare at the beautiful view before me, the sun still rising slowly above the sky.

“I guess your compassion runs deep,” He jokes with a smile and his comment makes me smile as well.

_________

That had been weeks ago, my arm had healed and had been allowed out of the cast, which I had been thankful for. My friendship with my Olo’eyktan had grown into something wonderful and I could finally say I had made my first friend.

“I have a question for you,” He walks up towards me right as I began to walk the opposite direction.

“You always have questions for me, Jake.” I stated as I continued walking, he’d asked me to instruct him as such and I was always one to follow orders, he followed behind me as I continued walking to grab my bow and arrow, ready to head out to hunt for Sepwa and Antuk once more. Sepwa had fallen ill and needed help with taking care of her children while Antuk had gotten injured while hunting and managed to injure his leg.

“I want to show you something.” He stated as his hand reaches out toward my arm, stopping me in my tracks as I felt the warmth leaving his palm and encasing my entire body, I fight a blush as I turn to face him with a serious look.

“That is not a question.” I stated and he rolls his eyes playfully, a smile tugging at his lips as he fights a laugh before straightening himself up, taking his hand off my arm, and I honestly missed the contact.

“Will you come with me?” He asks.

“I need to hunt for Sepwa and Antuk-“ I began to shoot his invitation down, knowing I didn’t want to, but knowing I had a sense of responsibility for my people.

“I’ve taken care of them already, I knew you were going out of your way again, so I was one step ahead of you the entire time,” He crosses his arms in a cocky manner, but all I could focus on were his bulging biceps, I only look up at his face with a blank expression to attempt to hide my own feelings as my heart rate quickens.

“And you have taken care of who will watch their children this morning before they go learn?” I raised a brow while crossing my own arms.

“Of course I did. Do you honestly think so little of me?” He asks with a palm on his chest while feigning hurt.

“Yes I do,” I teases with a smile on my lips before breaking out into a small laugh with his chuckle following soon after.

“Where are you taking me?” I asked after our laughter was out of the way, wondering where he planned to take me now, he had taken the last couple of weeks to show me the forest through his eyes, often choosing good places to calm down after a long and hard day of work, but surely he had to run out of places by now, the forest was only so big.

“Just wait and see,” He offers his hand out to me with a slight nod of his head and I take it without hesitation.

_________

I had been nervous to say the least, I hadn’t expected to have grown feelings for someone so quickly after meeting them, but there was something about her that made my heart flutter alive after a while of it being in a dormant state. I couldn’t quite pinpoint what it was about her, but she made me feel alive again, made me feel as though I could start living once more.

“What is this place?” She asks in awe as she hops off of my Ikran, taking a careful glance around the cave that glowed with bioluminescent plants, the opening of the cave having a waterfall covering half of it, keeping this place well hidden from anyone.

“This is the place I come to when I have a tough decision to make.” I answered honestly only to have her turn with a confused look on her face.

“And what tough decision has this Olo’eyktan had to make recently?” She raises a hairless brow and I had to admit my heart was beating faster than it ever has within the last couple of years.

“You,” I stated honestly before clearing my throat and looking away quickly before looking back at her.

“What do you mean, me?” She asks as she tilts her head sideways and her ears flick over to place her full attention on me.

“I have grown to have feelings for you, and I wish to court you, but I only want to do that if you return my feelings. I don’t want you to agree to doing it if you don’t see a future with me.” I stated sternly, expecting her to have weighed her options before answering, I was about to tell her she could have some time to think about it before she gleefully runs up to me and embraces me in a hug, a squeal leaving her lips as she jumps up and down excitedly.

“Yes, the answer is yes, I don’t need time to think, I feel the same.” She answered quickly and I could feel my heart ready to burst at her reaction.

“Honest?” I asked as if I were about to wake up in my kelku to realize that it had only been a dream.

“I promise,” She smiles as her tail wriggles from side to side in an excited fashion.

“Good, because I’ve been waiting long enough to do this,”

I place my hand onto the side of her face to hold it gently, her eyes widening slightly as she stares at me, ears having gone down to show submission and I smile before leaning my face down to meet our lips in the middle, having closed my eyes to enjoy our kiss, and feeling her arms wrap around my neck loosely as she kisses me back.

[b00kdiary]

Unexpected (IV)

Aemond Targaryen X Betrothed Baratheon reader

Aemond Targaryen is sent to Storm's End to secure a marriage pact to gain the Baratheon's alliance in the war. And yet, when he discovers Y/N Baratheon, the black sheep of her family, hidden away at his arrival, he knows that fate has predestined their meeting. He has to have her.

Warning: long chapters, swearing, eventual mature content (18 +)

Masterlist (Aemond Targaryen)

She was blushing again.

Her plump cheeks and smooth neck glowed scarlet and I watched with a lazy smirk as she ducked her head, that beautiful silken sheet of dark hair falling to obscure her face.

She avoided my stare, as she sheepishly turned back to her conversation with Helaena but still from the way her body was stiff and her chest rose and fell unevenly, I knew she was distant and frazzled by my eye upon her.

I couldn’t help staring at her, not when she had laughed so brightly at something Helaena had said- the sound so airy and tender, it raked over my skin as if she had touched me with her hands.

It had been this way since three nights ago in the library.

After the pretty thing had come rubbing herself against my cock, it was an understatement to say that she was mortified and had scurried out of the room like it was on fire.

And since then, she has been the same.

Blushing, bashful and on edge.

As if, just like me, every time we met, she was transported back to that night and back to the reckless yet utterly divine intimacy we had shared. I certainly felt it, felt her soft and unsure lips against mine, felt her hands gripping my shirt, her thighs wrapped around my waist and her sweet pussy rutting to orgasm against my cock.

I shift uneasily, subtly tugging my breeches to lessen the tightness that pressed painfully against the material. Lady Y/N glanced at me, her soft eyes falling to my spread legs- between my legs- and I smirk in amusement at how large her eyes grow at the sight there.

I snort at the little squeal of shock that escapes her parted mouth before she’s grasping her cup of wine with a shaky hand and bringing it to her lips, and I’m not surprised when she empties it in one full sip.

Yes, she was as taunted by the memories of that night as I was.

My mind was wondering, digging a filthy hole of just how taunted she was, whether she had taken it upon herself to relieve the edge of her desires. I imagined her in the middle of the night, fingers tentative and curious as they slipped between her soft thighs-

“Aemond”

I blink, coughing inelegantly at the interruption before my eyes lift and meet with my mother, arms folded and lips thin. I cringe inwardly, closing my parted legs as I move to sit up straighter.

If she noticed she did not say anything or indicate it.

“Mother,” I say gruffly, nodding to her.

“Are you prepared for your flight?” She asks hands clasped before her.

She had grown more agitated, more serious after Aegon’s coronation and it seemed the more time that passed, the more this threat of war ate at her.

“Yes,” I say simply, “The official letters are packed, the agreements understood and I will ensure that the discussion is done swiftly and painlessly.”

She nods, her body relaxing marginally at the definitive tone and strong stare that I gave her.

“Good” She sighs, “Be sure that you are back before the storm hits, Aemond, I do not wish for you to be riding Vhagar in perilous conditions.” I nod once, almost dismally, as my eyes lock with Y/N’s.

Her eyes were upon me, curious, and her face passive as she beheld the conversation between my mother and me. I could see the questions in her eyes, that concern and ire melding, but she was smart to not ask too much around my mother.

“Helaena, my dear, show me the dress material you have chosen for your brother's wedding,” Mother says, eyes flicking tensely between Y/N and me before she, and my excited sister, are moving across the room to her armoire.

I stand as their discussion begins and make quick work of moving to the sofa that my Lady was sat upon. She was frowning, back straight and hands clasped in her lap, though I could tell she was not entirely certain by the fingers that picked at the cotton of her dress.

“You are leaving?” She asks quietly, those brown eyes soft as they beheld me. “You did not say anything.”

“I’ve hardly had the time to tell you, My Lady… you have made quite the effort to avoid me whenever I am close by” I tease, my lip curling at the corner as she blinks in surprise before ducking her head with a smile.

“I-“ She starts but when her eyes meet mine again, she’s already flustered, her lip pulling into her teeth with conflict.

“If you regret what transpired between us, My Lady, then be sure that I will not take such liberties again,” I say, my voice low and tone firm, the guilt that perhaps I pushed her into something eating at me for days.

“No, not at all my Prince” She exclaims, her hand moving from her lap to curl against mine and I nearly shiver at the warm and gentle touch.

“It’s not that I regret it,” She says, shyness covering her face “It is just that… I would never think to… well…” She sighs, shaking her head at the incoherence. “I do not want you to think me some kind of harlot, to be sneaking and seducing you in your private quarters-“

I can’t help the burst of laughter that echoes past my lips. She furrows her brows, annoyance flaring in her eyes as she takes in my amusement and light smirk.

“What is so funny?” She demands, frowning.

“You.” I say simply and I move forward to rub my thumb across her jaw, enjoying the way her breath stutters out at the action “You are not some common whore, and I am well aware that you have no experience with the intimacies between a man and woman.” She blushes in embarrassment as I say it but I hold her chin firmly, and her eyes meet mine again.

“And as far as seducing me, yes you did and yes you do.” I allow my gaze to trail across her face, landing on her lips with carnal need “By simply existing, My Lady, you seduce and torment me. And frankly, I do not care if we engage in impropriety, not if it means tasting your sweet mouth and hearing those perfect fucking noises when I pleasure you.”

She pants as I speak, her gaze flickering from me to my mother behind us, a mixture of thrill and fear contorting her lovely face.

“You are mine, sweet girl” I purr, watching her melt against the soft trail of my lips against her cheek and over her lips “Married. Unmarried. You are mine and I am yours and we shall touch and fuck and satiate ourselves in whatever manner we choose.”

I sigh against her, my tongue flicking out to wet her soft lips and I nearly groan at how she gasps, her body trembling and arching with restraint and need.

“My Prince” She whispers, inching back, and the soft warning in her eyes is enough to make me pull away, not wanting to push her limits too far. She sighs, smiling gratefully and I smile back, my hand holding hers tightly against my chest still.

We gather ourselves, and despite how bothered and restless my body now was, I still straighten my back and turn to her with seriousness on my face.

“I am travelling to Storm’s End,” I say, and she perks up at the mention of her home. “There are final talks to be had regarding the Baratheon alliance and then the official signings of our marriage agreements for your father and me to conclude.”

“May I come?” She asks and I can’t help the small ache that plunges into my heart at the hope and yearning in her face.

“I’m sorry” I sigh, shaking my head and I nearly grab and hold her at the dejection that crosses her face “With the war and the weather, it’s too dangerous. I do not want you anywhere near my sister or any of her supporters and especially not when the skies are in turmoil.”

She nods her head in understanding and her fingers tighten in my hold “I understand. My family will soon be here for the wedding in a few days, I can wait until then.” She frowns as she observes me “But what about you? I do not like the idea of you being out there with enemies and flying through treacherous storms.”

I smile softly at the grimace, the concern and anxiety lacing her face as I nod “I will be there and back before the storm ensues, and should I need to I can find shelter for the night before I return to Kings Landing. As far as my enemies… there has been no outright declaration of war, not yet, so there is a small chance of any kind of fight, My Lady.”

My words don’t seem to ease her fears or ease the tightness of her hand in mine and I frown, my hand coming to brush her cheek in comfort.

“Promise me that you will be careful, my Prince” She pleads, her eyes tender and I thaw under the care she has for me. “Promise me that you will return to me unharmed and ready for our forthcoming nuptials”

I smirk, kissing her palm with a firm and feeling kiss. “I will return unharmed, My Lady. Not even the Gods themselves could keep me from coming back to you.” She grins at the words and I have to stop myself, remind myself of what is appropriate, even as I wish to encase my lips against hers.

She bites her lip, smiling, her eyes glancing away from me as if she can see that desire too.

And her hand tugs mine.

As if to tell me that she felt the same.

***

My body felt cold and unsettled, completely in contrast to the warmth and softness of my sheets and pillows.

I sigh with annoyance, tossing again and shifting so that my arms wrapped around one of my many cloud-like pillows. Sleep had been fruitless, my mind too preoccupied and restless.

With thoughts of Prince Aemond.

All day since his departure I have felt his absence like a missing shard of my soul. Whatever room I entered, wherever I was, my eyes would search for him, my body yearned for his comforting and sure touch and I would be utterly disappointed when I remembered that he was not there.

My worry was endless, eating at me like a parasite as I contemplated all the things that could wrong.

We were at war and he was a Prince, a prime target for an attack should the Blacks decide to make a move and as far as I was concerned even the weather’s discourse was enough of a reason for him to not have gone.

It was well past twilight and yet he had not yet arrived back.

I flinch as yet another crack of thunder echoes through the grey-clouded and dark sky, a flash of bright lightning eclipsing my room a second later. The rain was a relentless constant, for hours it had poured and thundered and ravaged.

And my Prince was somewhere in the midst of it all.

I groaned at my agitation, turning onto my back and rubbing tiredly at my face.

I pause at the sound of footsteps.

I then hold my breath at the sound of shuffling outside my door.

I move quick, jumping from my bed and slipping my dagger free from its sheath at my bed cabinet before my bare feet soundlessly tip-toe towards the door. I wedge myself behind the door, calming my erratic breathing as I wait for the person's move.

As I feared, the doors latch clicks and I tighten my grip on my dagger as a cloaked figure slips into my room and shuts the door behind them.

I pounce, my hand slips around their throat and with their back pressed to me, I dig the knife in, close enough to split the skin.

“Who are you?” I demand, my voice unrecognisable, rough with iciness and a calm promise of death. The person shivers, trembling and I pause at an indiscernible sniff, almost a whimper.

“My Lady” A quiet and broken voice whispers.

“Aemond” I gasp.

I drop the blade from his neck, tossing it onto the floor beside me as I swiftly make my way around his tight body.

“Are you alright?” I demand, concern filling me as my hands begin running over his soaked and dripping cloak, searching for any injuries. When he doesn’t reply, I move my shaky hands upwards and gently tug off his hood.

I gasp at the red eye and tears I see there.

“My Prince?” I question, my eyes widening and my chest heaving now as I place a hand on his jaw. He melts against it, his eye shutting and a tremoring pant breaking through his thinned lips. My chest cleaves at the unsteadiness of his body and at the complete brokenness in his eye.

“Come, sit. You must be freezing, my Prince” I say softly, and I swiftly guide him to my bed, pushing his limp and almost lifeless body down to sit. My throat dries out at the lost expression across his face, his gaze staring outward to the floor, haunted and helpless.

I calm my erratic heart, calm the unsatiable nerves and worry that devour me as I untie his cloak, pulling off the soaked material. His hand shoots to my wrist, his grip like a lock, as I try to move away.

“Don’t leave me” He croaks pleading, his eyes snapping to mine and softening with need. I frown, rubbing his hand in reassurance.

“I am not leaving, My Prince” I promise, shaking my head “Let me get a towel and dry you, I do not want you to fall ill from the rain.” His touch loosens at my gentle tone and I have to steady myself as he slumps again, that eye moving to stare into nothingness.

I make quick work of grabbing a few clean cloths and I sit beside him on the bed, my hands moving the material against his face and hair to dry the rain and cold from him.

He doesn’t speak or even look at me as I do so.

I swallow tightly, as my hands move to his leathers, the material soppy with water. “May I take off your leathers? I fear you will catch a cold from its ice.” I ask, and despite him not saying anything, I know he consents when he moves his quivering hands from his lap.

I nod, reassuring myself as I unclip and unbelted his clothes and I try to ease the shuddering of my own hands as I pull the leathers of his body, my eyes remaining on my action and not on the smooth and chiselled paleness of his bare chest and stomach.

I rub the cloth against his neck and chest, the warmth heating into his ice-cold skin and he groans in response to it. My body settled at the sight of unmarred and uninjured skin, almost glad for him to be completely healthy, if not for the mental suffering he was clearly enduring.

“My Prince?” I call, dropping the cloth to the bed and sitting up to face him. He doesn’t respond, his body still collapsed forward, his hands clasped tightly and his eye an unwavering void as it stared out. “My Prince, tell me what is wrong please.”

My pleading tone seems to have some effect on him as his stiff head turns and I swear, my heart breaks into two at the singular tear that streaks down his cheek, at the absolute devastation and pain etched onto his face.

“I didn’t mean to” He rasps, his voice breaking as he stared at me. I frown, coming forward and my hand cups his face as he pants with exertion. “I didn’t mean to” He repeats, his voice dropping.

“I don’t understand, didn’t mean to do what?” I ask quietly and he shivers, his eye clamping, as if in memory.

“I just wanted to scare him, I wanted back my eye- he took it and I wanted that debt repaid” He spoke, frantic, his voice trembling and head shaking “But, Vhagar… she lost control, she wouldn’t listen and I couldn’t stop her I couldn’t-“ He breaks off with a small sob and I lunge forward, pressing his head to my chest and holding him close.

He gasps, not crying, but hyperventilating, panicking.

“I don’t understand, what did you do?” I say quietly, my hand soothing his damp hair.

“Lucery’s…” His hand's grip around my waist, his voice scrapped like gravel “Vhagar killed him… I killed him.”

I freeze at the words, as the reality of what he just said came shooting at me, rendering me utterly still and stunned.

Lucery’s Velaryon.

Dead.

Aemond feels my body freeze, feels my stuttered breath and he lifts from my chest to look at me. I wince at the tears and stuffiness of his eyes, at that deep and shaky frown and how his eye watches me with such helplessness, such pleading.

As if he did not want me to hate him.

“I didn’t mean to,” He says again desperately, groaning as he rubs at his face “I tried to stop Vhagar, tried to get her to listen to me but she would not, she would not serve me.” I feel my own tears begin leaking from my sore eyes and down my cheeks as I beheld him.

And despite what he had done, despite how wrong he was, I do not stop myself from wrapping my arms around his body.

Do not stop myself from the long kiss I press against his forehead.

“It will be ok, my Prince” I whisper, my voice unsteady and rough as I hold him to my chest and run my hand through his damp hair again. “You did not mean to kill him; it was a mistake. I know that. I know it was a mistake.”

He seems to hold me even tighter, nestling into my body even more as I speak.

Under other circumstances, I would have been mortified by this, by my sheer level of undress in my short and bare slip and how Prince Aemond was pressed against me and holding me, in his own state of undress too.

But I did not care for any of it, not as I held the broken Prince in my hands.

Aemond’s body begins to still, his breath evening out and that untamed sadness and guilt seemed to lessen into a more gloomy and dark ache. I frown, my hands gently lifting him from my chest and I hold my hands at his cheeks to keep him up.

“My Prince” I demand softly and his eye lifts slowly, locking with mine as I behold the quiet storm, the inner turmoil, I sigh, my hands rubbing to ease the tension in his face. “Come to bed, you need rest. We will deal with everything tomorrow morning, but for now, please, come lay down.”

He seems to consider, swallowing hoarsely once and his eye flicks to the bed we sat on and then back to me.

“Will you stay with me, my Lady?” He asks, quiet and uncertain.

I’d never seen him like this before.

I imagined that very few had ever seen him like this before.

“Of course, My Prince. I am not going anywhere” I vow, and when he relaxes with relief, I press a small and light kiss to his cheek.

I exhale deeply as I pull back and I don’t waste time as I begin to guide him to my pillows, pulling back the cover and arranging them. Aemond is stiff and silent as he follows me, and like a hollow shell, I have to guide him to lie down and then pull the duvet over his motionless body afterwards.

He lies on his side, his throat bobbing and face tense as I slip under the covers beside him.

The room is utterly silent, the raging storm now calmed and docile, only the quiet pattern of rain filling the space.

“Can- can I hold you?” Prince Aemond asks coarsely and I soften at the boyish frown and tenderness of his eye.

I don’t answer, instead, I shift my body closer to his and sigh in contentment as his arm moves across my waist, his fingers digging softly into the flesh there as he pulls me against his hard chest. He seems to visibly calm at the warmth and softness of me, and I too breathe out as he nestled his head into the curve of my neck.

He inhales at the skin there, a low and crooning purr sounding from his throat as his sore and tired eyes begin to flutter shut. I smooth my hand across the veined and strong muscles of his arm, my heart calming when I feel his breath even out and his body completely melt against mine.

I watch him, his peacefulness and tranquillity as he breathed steadily and soft. And I am glad for that pain and horror to be gone, glad for his mind and body to be at peace, even if for a few hours.

Kin-slayer.

My Lord Husband-to-be was now a Kin-slayer.

And despite how terrifying and wrong it sounded; I knew.

I knew that there was nothing that could ever separate me from the man that lay holding me to his chest like a lifeline.

Knew that nothing he did could stop my heart from beating for him.

***

The shuffle of noise awoke me from my sleep.

I groaned quietly, fluttering my lids and stretching out my legs as the bright sunlight cascading into my room burned against my fatigued eyes. I reached a hand to my side and froze at the emptiness.

Prince Aemond was not lying beside me.

I shot up, so fast my head spun but I quickly exhaled with relief upon seeing the Prince at the foot of my bed, adorning his leathers again.

I don’t say anything as I watch him, watch how stiff and tense his body is, watch the imperceptible shaking in his hands as he buckles the hooks, or how his face was passive, yet turmoil shone in his vacant stare.

The fact that he had not even noticed I was awake said everything about where his mind truly was.

“My Prince” I call gently and I try not to wince as he starts in surprise, his face alarmed before melting into calm and genialness, his eye lifting cautiously to mine.

“Lady Y/N,” He says, his voice still gravelly and coarse “I apologise if I woke you, I was just getting ready to leave.” He continues fixing his clothes, his gaze not once meeting mine and he lacked any of the care and attentiveness that I had come to know him for.

I sighed, throwing my legs off the side of the bed and sitting at the edge.

“Are you feeling better?” I ask, cringing internally at how his fingers stop their movements momentarily, his body rigid “After last night- “

“It was stupid of me to have disturbed you and utterly inappropriate of me. I apologise for it.” He cuts in sharply, his voice edged like a blade “I will not be so careless again, nor will I burden you with such boyish and spineless behaviour.”

The words hit me like a harsh wind and I recoil at the self-degradation and coldness of his tone.

Boyish and spineless?

I stand, frowning as I face him “It was not stupid or careless for you to come to me last night and it was certainly not boyish or spineless for you to seek my comfort or help. I am to be your wife- “

“Yes, and a wife should not have to comfort her husband, nor should she have to console him as you did.” He spits, a bitter scowl on his lips as his flared eye turns to me “It makes me look weak and it’s completely improper- “

“Improper?” I exclaim, exasperated “Who the fuck cares about properness? It was you who told me that none of that nonsense matters.” I lament, and yet he just shakes his head, turning from me with a grave face.

I exhale harshly, stalking over to him and as he stops to get his sword and dagger, I place my hand on his arm. He doesn’t turn to me, but his body does freeze at the action, small tremors evident under my palm.

“My Prince,” I say softly, stepping to his side and taking in one-half of his pained expression. “It will never be a burden to console you, I would do this every day and night for eternity if need be. That is what being a wife is, that is what I would do for you.”

He sighs unsteadily and I trail my hand down his arm and wrist, stopping at his hand and curling my fingers to interlock around his palm.

“What happened last night is… it’s horrible and I feel your pain and remorse and while I don’t think I can cure it; I am willing to comfort you in whatever way I can. But please, my Prince, do not push me away.” I plead with him, his face stuttering, that eye closing for a second as he inhales and exhales harshly.

Silence looms over us, neither of us speaking and he still doesn’t look at me. I grit my teeth as he gently pulls away from my hand, moving to his blade and dagger, sheathing them both at his side with skilled efficiency.

He steps back from me, his eye turning to me and locking with mine.

I shiver at the detachment in the blue of his eye.

“I appreciate what you have done for me Lady Y/N,” he says quietly, hoarsely and I can practically feel the wall being built up between us, brick by brick.

“I must go and speak to my mother and grandsire,” He continues, grabbing his now dry cloak from the chaise.

“Let me come with you,” I say, moving behind him, my face desperate as I beseech him “You do not have to face them alone, I can be there to support you, Prince.”

His lips thin, and even as his eye softens and thaws at the hope in my voice, in my face, he still steps away and towards the door.

“I will see you later, Lady Y/N,” he says roughly, his eye not meeting mine and before I can reach for him, try to get through to him, he’s stepping through the door and it’s closing shut behind him.

And I couldn’t help but feel the finality of it all as he shut me out completely.  

______________________________________________

@ephemeralninon @sluttyaemond @dreamsxoxous @moonmaiden1996 @letmeloveyouuuu @yoshiplush @sonnensplitter @jeyramarie @lizajane2 @dreamsxoxous @angelface1927 @landlockedmermaid77 @imjustboredso @caffytaffy @jack-napier-2008 @letmeloveyouuuu @nunontherun @mmeerraa @milber32 @valeric-writes @unabashedlyswimmingluminary-blog @stinkyjax @imjustboredso

[muxshwriting]

right where you left me

Zoya Nazyalensky x reader

summary: Zoya has to face the reality of being a saint; all her loved ones will leave her and she'll end up stuck, unable to move on || warnings: mention of death, funerals, mournings || word count: 612 || masterlist

Time is a Grisha's worst nightmare. It is the ultimate enemy. Being Grisha is as much a gift as it is a curse. Her powers lost Zoya her family and her greatest friends. The one thing that Zoya couldn't fathom and couldn't bear the thought of, was that you would age and slowly fade. Her Grisha 'gifts' would lose her you as well...

You knew you would not live as long as Zoya, so long as she used her Grisha gifts. No mother, no father, no friends and eventually, no lover. You knew that when the time came, you would sell your soul for another minute. But your soul had long since faded its value. It had been corrupted, healed, broken and mended by too many people for too long.

For Zoya, you were the light in the darkness. You would always be that light. No matter what would happen next, you would all be destined to find each other in the next life. Your souls were entwined with each other.

Being a Saint could be exceptionally lonely.

“Hello my love.”

Zoya looks down on you as you’re lying in your shared bed. It had been many years since Zoya was crowned, decades had passed. And now you had aged, as all otkazat’sya eventually did. To Zoya, you were still as beautiful as the day she married you but there was nothing she could do to prolong your life further.

“Dushen’ka.” Your voice is frail as you reach out to her.

You didn’t want to leave Zoya alone in this world, but recognised that all things have to come to an end eventually and your time was ending soon. It was your hope that Zoya would move on after your death and grow past her love for you. That love would always stay, of course, but in time, space would grow for new love to blossom.

Zoya would step way from the throne one day, she couldn’t do this forever. But she had to ensure safety and tranquility in her country before anything else. Part of her regretted her past actions, pushing you away to focus on work and spending late nights in her office instead of in your bed. The time you had shared would never be enough now.

The sun slowly rose over the horizon, dew still sticking to blades of grass as she walked. The entirety of the Little Palace was decked in black, mourning the loss of the Royal Consort. Zoya’s face remained the picture of royal composure. Inside, her soul was shattering, piercing every part of her body and filling her mind with pain.

Your funeral was suited for a royal, but simple enough to convey who you were. You always valued the people of Ravka and were dedicated to helping them, the same way Zoya was. Zoya led the procession, walking beside you, ignoring the protocol that she should walk behind. You had stood beside her every day of your life, she would be damned if she couldn’t stand by you in death now.

The people of Ravka lined the streets, wishing to pay their respects to someone who had done so much for them. Finally, Zoya let the tears fall, not caring as people saw. Her head was held high, eyes fixed forward as she walked you to your final resting place.

She let her mind wander back to the days in the gardens you adored, the early sunrises, the late games of cards, the drunk nights and the mornings after. She let her mind wander all the way back to you.

Everybody moved on, I stayed there, dust collected on my pined up hair.

let's change it up a bit! I hope you guys likes it. lmk if you want to be added to the taglist || btw dushen'ka roughly translates to 'my soul'

taglist: @aoi-targaryen

[eletricheart]

Hi request time I bet you have no clue who this is :)

So I was wondering, to complete the Donna beneviento x daughter series, in which SOMEONE killed her daughter, what if donna gets desperate and asks mother miranda to revive her child and a fluffy ending? Thank youuu!

Oh also maybe remove the scissors from her forehead or something that looks a lil uncomfy but idk :D

Daffodil

(Donna Beneviento x daughter!reader)

part 1

*from my spotify

Word count: 1109

my oh my i wonder who sent this🤨

TW: google translate italian

ps: fluff today, fluff tomorrow, fluff forever

ps2: pls lmk any mistakes, not proofread

ps3: florence's song at the end

----------------------------------------------------

The knocks on the door at the Manor became more insistent as the minutes went by. Donna, still frozen attached to your cold figure, did nothing to acknowledge the noise, hoping it would cease and reunite her with you.

Tired of being polite, Mother Miranda broke the handle and walked in, quickly looking for the dollmaker, expecting for at least one of her children to be alive.

The priestess found Donna sitting on the ground holding you, the bloodied scissors long discarded on the floor.

The older woman sighed and kneeled to be at eye level, gently touching the Lady’s shoulder. “It’s okay, let’s go to my lab. We’ll fix this.”

Donna turned to look at the priestess with an exhausted expression and shook her head. “It won't work, it never does.”

The dollmaker started to cry again, pulling your body closer while Miranda stared in unusual sympathy. “We’ll make it work, come with me and I’ll bring her back to you.”

Donna knew that most of her promises were false, only a way to seize control. But what did she have to lose? So she nodded and allowed Miranda to carry you to her laboratory.

The dollmaker didn't leave your side, not even when the priestess made it clear on how annoying her presence was. She stayed, held your hand, and waited.

You awoke three days after the operation, Angie was sleeping beside you in (surprisingly) Miranda’s guest room. It didn't take long for the dollmaker to come running into your room, relieved that you were alive. The next few weeks were mostly ensuring your well being but soon enough you and Donna were off to a cabin near the village, at least until the Manor gets properly cleaned and fixed.

𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊

Month 1 of recovery

You and Angie were elbows deep into the soil trying to plant a tree during winter, even building a roof around the designated space so that snow wouldn’t fall into it. Of course Donna reminded you both that the soil would freeze due to the low temperatures, and you ignored her.

Obviously the tree plan was a failure once a snowstorm began. You were sitting inside the house watching snow cover your small branch when Donna tapped on your shoulder.

She was holding a trail with gardening tools and Angie beside her holding a pot with dirt. “It’s not gonna grow into a tree, but it’s a start. What do you think?”

You smiled brightly at her and quickly nodded.

𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊

Month 6 of recovery

You were attempting to make a two tier cake after watching a movie and hearing Donna say how pretty she thought it was.

You had spent six months showering the dollmaker with gifts as a ‘thank you’ for her embracing you as family. However no amount of trinkets and cleaning felt like enough, so you believed the cake was the best idea ever.

After two hours your resolution was starting to fall. You were covered in flour surrounded by failing tiers.

The baking was easy, having done it multiple times with Donna. However, decoration and setting it up was not in your strength traits.

You were close to crying when Donna stepped into the kitchen, taken back by the mess but rushing to your side once noticing your tearful face.

The dollmaker was gently wiping your tears with a clean napkin. “What happened? Why are you crying?”

You shook your head with a pout. “I didn't mean to make a mess, I just wanted a cake.”

Donna smiled. “You could've called me, we would've made it together.”

You looked down at the floor, suddenly interested in the floor patterns. “It was supposed to be a gift for you.” You mumbled.

The dollmaker nodded and lifted your head. “You do know it’s not my birthday, right?”

You laughed and shrugged. “I just wanted to repay you for everything you've done for me.”

Donna sighed and hugged you.“Oh mia bambina, you do not need to repay me, you being alive is the greatest gift I could ever want.”

𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊

1 year

Angie was in charge of distracting you at the garden, not a very difficult task since you loved bird watching. Even so, the doll was taking her job very seriously, not even allowing you to glance at the Manor.

Donna, on the other hand, was decorating along with the other dolls. She knew how much your death had an impact on yourself so she decided to make it a special day, so at the very least you could forget him for a day.

The Lady already had all the balloons and confetti ready, even Mother Miranda sent a blood test result stating you were healthy. A weird gift but Donna just assumed the other woman didn't know what presents were.

Noon was nearing when you decided to go back home. Angie knew that the dollmaker was still finishing the cake so she impulsively started a game of hide and seek. Therefore, after an hour of trying to find the doll and ten more minutes of trying to kill her, you both went back home.

You opened the front door, uneased by the darkness and silence but relaxed once seeing two dolls with shining outfits asking you to follow them.

You were positively surprised with the kitchen’s decoration, multiple blooming flowers were surrounding the walls, an only now noticed path of confetti leading to the table with a two tier cake.

Donna was fidgeting in the corner, observing your reaction when you ran to hug her.

The dollmaker had the biggest smile while holding you. “Do you like it?”

You nodded excitedly. “I love it so so so much. Thank you, thank you, really.”

Donna laughed. “Any time.”

After Angie’s demand for cake you moved towards it in order to cut it. You carefully cut a piece and placed it on a plate, holding it in your hand and turning towards the dollmaker. “So…um…I read somewhere that in some places there’s a tradition that when you cut a cake…you give the first piece to someone special for you…so.” You took a deep breath, presenting the cake to Donna who smiled tearfully.

You smiled nervously. “I-I know we’re not really family…but if it’s okay with you…I just want to say that you’re the best mother I’ve ever had. So thank you.”

Donna could feel the tears streaming down her face, quickly pulling you into a hug and kissing the top of your head. “You are and you will always be my family. You’re my daughter, okay? And I love you so so much.”

You smiled. “I love you too”

----------------------------------------------------

requests are open: masterlist

[garbinge]

Bail Out

Angel Reyes & EZ Reyes & OFC Rosario Reyes

30 Day Fic Challenge

Word Count: 1.6k A/N: I have an obsession with Reyes sisters and the endless possibilities of what could have been.

Warnings: All my fics are 18+ regardless of content. Mayans Taglist: @drabbles-mc @justreblogginfics @narcolini @danzer8705 @keyweegirlie

“I’m here for Angel and Ezekiel Reyes.” Ro was visibly annoyed but she kept her voice level. 

“They’re being processed, in the meantime, can I see some ID?” The cop spoke without looking at Rosario. 

She handed over her I.D, not making much of it until the cop let out a question. 

“You their mom?” 

Rosario snapped her head to frown at the cop with disgust. 

“Do I look like their mother?” 

“We called for a parent or guardian.” 

“Well my mom’s dead and my dad is depressed in bed mourning the death of my mother so you got me.” 

“And you are?” The attitude of the cop was growing. 

“Their older sister. Whose 22 and fully capable of taking them home and punishing them for whatever stupid shit they got into.” 

“Vandalism.” The cop looked away and kept writing things down. Not losing the attitude but seemingly accepting that this was the best case scenario. 

“That ain’t a citation? You gotta book ‘em for that?” Ro’s arms were crossed, despite her anger at this whole situation, they were her brother’s she was going to defend them. 

“No, it ain’t.” The cop mocked how she said it. “They’ll be out soon, you can take a seat.” The cop pointed to the waiting room behind her and then closed the window to ensure Ro wasn’t going to continue talking. 

Ro scoffed, and rolled her eyes before taking a step back into the waiting room. It was a mix of being petty and also being anxious but she didn’t take a seat, she kept pacing 5 steps one way and 5 steps the other until the buzzing sound forced her legs to stop. 

She looked up and Angel was the first one to walk into the room. His hand was tight on the plastic bag that held his rings, wallet, phone, and chain. He looked a little tired but overall his expression was mad. Ro knew the feeling well and knew how it presented on both of her brothers. Which is why when EZ came out with a similar bag of personal items, she could see his face wasn’t angry, but disappointed. 

“You I expect this from, but you.” She pointed at EZ. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Angel gave her a look of annoyance. 

“You don’t have any ground to be giving me the fuckin’ attitude like that.” Ro practically barked at him. 

She didn’t notice it but the cop behind the window smirked at her comment. 

“Can we just go home.” EZ interrupted her. 

“When you tell me what the fuck happened.” She kept the same tone with EZ as she did with Angel. 

“Not here.” Angel looked over his shoulder at the cop behind them. 

As much as Ro wanted to argue and prove Angel and EZ wrong in everything coming out of their mouths, she had to agree, she wasn’t going to incriminate them. 

“Let’s go.” 

As the three siblings made their way through the dark parking lot and into Ro’s car, none of them spoke. The only noise was the street lamp buzzing in and out and the sound of her car engine sputtering an extra time as it struggled to turn on. 

As they drove and got to a red light, Angel was lifting up an apron. “What the fuck is this?” The black waist apron was littered at his feet, clearly discarded by the driver of the car earlier. The embroidered words Rivershack Tavern were sewed in an orange thread on the apron. 

“It’s called a job.” Ro leaned over and snatched it from Angel’s hands and threw it in the backseat where EZ looked at it. 

“The Riverside Dive Bar?” EZ’s voice from the backseat seemed confused. 

“That place is nasty, Ro.” Angel added on to his little brother’s confusion. 

“Yea, you know that because you go with all your little biker gang crew.” Her knuckles got tight against the wheel as her feelings started to bubble in her gut. 

“It’s not a gang, and I’m not a part of their crew, my roommate’s cool with them, that’s it.” Angel got defensive. 

“Riverside is dangerous.” EZ wasn’t going to let this conversation die just yet. 

“Yea? Lotta vandalizers out there? Wouldn’t wanna get too close to them.” She was ready to go to bat for herself, always. 

“He’s right, it’s scummy there, fuck you workin’ in a bar for?” Angel’s face was twisted up as he pulled his rings out of the plastic bag and started putting them back on his hands. 

“I’m trying to get the fuck out of here, and to do that, one needs a little thing called money. And to get money, Angel, people usually get a job, I know the concept of holding down employment seems foreign to you but to some of us it’s a means to live.” Her words were harsh, but she had enough of him ragging on her when she was the one who came down to pick them up. 

“You can’t work anywhere else?” It was a question EZ usually would have asked, the way it was said also. More serene, more understanding. 

“Well I might have to because I had to leave halfway through my shift to pick you bozos up.” Her eyes moved to the rearview mirror to look at EZ who was just staring out the window now. “Wanna tell me what the fuck happened?” She asked as the light turned green and she began driving again. “And no bullshit the real deal.” 

Angel got quiet which was very out of character for him, she was expecting some rant about how the police in this town have nothing better to do than stop two brown kids from walking around but it was silent. 

“Any acknowledgement that I’m not talking to a wall would be appreciated.” Ro continued waving her hand. 

“E?” Angel spoke up now, leaning his head back against the seat rest. 

That shocked Rosario. She was expecting Angel to own up to whatever it was and leave it at that but for him to shift the conversation to their littest brother was not expected. 

Ez’s mouth got tight as the anger coursed through him and he punched the seat in front of him which happened to be where Angel was sitting. 

“The fuck?” Angel sat up and turned around just as quickly as the punch to the seat happened. 

“You had to break the fuckin’ window and make the alarm go off.” EZ was now yelling. 

“I was trying to get in the car like you fuckin’ wanted!” Angel argued back. 

“I’m sorry, you were breaking and entering into a vehicle? You’re lucky they only charged you for fuckin’ vandalism.”

“They charged us for vandalism because I went back and tagged the car with a sharpie I had. I knew it’d knock the charge down.” EZ said it so matter of factly. 

Ro looked at Angel as if she was looking for confirmation and he just waved her off which was his way of agreeing. 

“So you wanna tell me why you were breaking into a car?” Ro’s eyes were glued to EZ in the mirror when she asked until she placed them back on the road. 

“Why you lookin’ at him.” Angel smirked. 

“Because if it was on you, you woulda brought your dumb ass biker club hangin’ roommate.” Ro was starting to piece some of the puzzle together. 

Angel laughed at that. “Tell her, E, tell her what we were doing.” 

“It was the car that was at the Pop’s shop.” EZ spoke. “I wanted to find out what was inside, clues or something.” 

Ro was lucky they were approaching a stop sign because otherwise she would have pulled over. She turned her body and looked at him. 

“Don’t look at me like that.” EZ said like he was a child again. 

“Like what?” Ro nodded her head up. 

“Like I’m crazy.” EZ said it while looking directly at his sister’s eyes. 

“I’m not.” It was two words but spoken so firmly. 

All EZ did was raise his eyebrows. 

“I’m looking at you wondering why you didn’t come to me, too.” 

“Didn’t think you’d want in on the illegal activities.” He crossed his arms over his stanford sweatshirt. EZ had been wearing that sweatshirt since he was in middle school in anticipation of going away to college and that anticipation had never fallen to second place, until now it seems.

“Plus I knew we’d need a bailout.” Angel chimed in which earned him a look from both of his siblings. 

“She’s my mom too.” Ro spoke and moved back to looking straight ahead in her seat. “It was fucking stupid of you to do this.” The reprimanding was here and it was directly specifically at EZ, not Angel. 

“Didn’t find anything out either.” Angel added in not realizing his sister wasn’t exactly talking to him. 

“Dad know?” EZ asked, his head leaning against the window. 

“What do you think?” Rosario was back to pressing the gas. 

The three siblings sat in quiet for the rest of the ride home, not talking to one another. There wasn’t any tension in the air, though, just the heaviness of knowing there was really no solution in sight, just the sorrow and mourning of their mother, and the gnawing feeling of uneasiness and unanswered questions of what happened.

[ladyloveandjustice]

I liveblog the Odyssey (The Liveblogyssey)

'I've been listening to and reading The Odyssey (Emily Wilson's translation) and I've been rambling a lot to my partner, so I thought I would also liveblog my first impressions! I read parts of The Odyssey in high school and college but never the whole thing start to finish.

Athena spoils half the plot right off, I mean obviously I knew it already, but still. We start near the end of the story with Odysseus trapped on Calypso's island, Telemachus really upset that the suitors are EATING ALL THEIR SHEEP, and the beginning follows Telemachus around as he travels around to try to learn about his dad and if he's alive. Which... we know he is so that takes a little of the tension out of it.

(Seriously, Telemachus is very fixated on the sheep thing. I get that it's a big source of food but maybe you should be a little more concerned about your mom fending off 108 suitors bud).

Athena in disguise goes to meet and accompany him, appearing as an older man, and this translation is very simple and accessible (though there are definitely moments of beautiful prose) but this sometimes leads to really awkward lines like Telemachus telling Athena in disguise "I will give you a precious, pretty treasure as a keepsake to mark our special friendship" which like. are you hitting on him Telemachus you just said you think he's fatherly.

Telemachus is going thru it though. so you can't help but feel bad for him. "My mother says I am his son, but I can't be sure [...} I wish I were the son of someone lucky, who can grow old at home, instead the most unlucky man alive is said to be my father." Like that one of the times you feel the connection going back thousand of years so fiercely, the idea of having no connection to your father because you've never met him and he doesn't even feel like your dad, just a story, and too bad you can't be the son of someone who's around.

Meanwhile, a super unintentionally funny lin from young Mac is "The poets are not to blame for how things are, Blame Zeus." which yeah, that sums up most of Greek myth doesn't it! (also very funny of Homer to be like "be nice to poets, they're cool".) He also tells his own Mom to go back to the kitchen so he can assert to the suitors he's in charge and there's a man in this house, but we are reading a story from 8th century BC so.

Anyway he goes around with Athena travelling and learning about his dad, and honestly, the Odyssey is so funny. Love the part where Nestor is like "oh if only Athena favored you as she did her father" and Telemachus is like “Yeah Athena’s not on my side” :/ and she's just. sitting there with him and says”hmm are you sure I think she maybe is probably"

(and then she's like "btw to gods don't control who lives and who dies TELEMACHUS we can't even protect our mortal loved ones (but please ignore all the times we've actively killed people) and also! also! I think your dad should be grateful to go on a cool quest and be alive when he could have just died the second he left Troy, think about THAT!!!)

then she just randomly turns into a bird and leaves after ensuring Telemachus has good sleeping arrangements. Telemachus never reacts to this, everyone else is just like "omg Athena!!" he says nothing I assume he was just standing there in slackjawed shock for the next couple of hours and going over all the embarrassing things he said.

Also we get to see Helen! And I knew from earlier Greek studies that people today acting like she was dumb just because men found her attractive was misogynist nonsense. But now I get to be extra mad because the woman isn't just not dumb, she's really intelligent and observant!

Not only does she immediately figure out who Telemachus is because she saw him when he was a newborn (how??) and relays that during the Trojan war she was the only one able to recognize odysseus when he came to her place in disguise and gave him intel, but most importantly she talks about "the day the Greeks marched off to troy, their minds fixated on war and violence. They made my face the cause that hounded them". Just subtly calling the whole army out. She knows they didn't actually go to war for her. She knows she was just an excuse, and a weak one at that. She knows they wanted this war, they wanted this violence.

So yeah, Helen is smart as hell! Screw that "Everyone wanted Helen of Sparta I wanted someone a little smarter" shit from Epic, sexist nonsense, I'm glad that song was cut.

She also mentions that "Aphrodite made her go crazy" when she agreed to run off, which could be literally true (Aphrodite did tend to do that) or a clever way to protect her reputation after leaving her husband.

Helen also has drugs, which I imagine is a big reason everyone liked her. The total package. But uh, she also does drugs everyone's drinks without apparently telling them. With what sounds like superpowered magic weed or something, to make them mellow and calm and erase anxiety and depression. It says "Whoever drinks this mixture for the bowl will shed no tears that day not even if her mother or father should die" which uh actually seems kind of dangerous! But Telemachus is goin' thru it, so maybe he could use it. but apparently it doesn't work (or takes a long time to kick in} because Telemachus gets upset anyway and says things like "This makes it worse! Courage could not save my father's life!" and wants to go to bed. (PS she got the weed from Egypt, and it's nice that the story is very complementary about Egyptians, calling them the "healer's people").

And then we've finished Telemachus's depression session and get back to Penelope. THE SAGA CONTINUES IN PART 2.

[skylarmoon71]

Aaron Hotchner (Criminal Minds) Chapter 36 - Final

Walking into the BAU that morning, you’re unnaturally happy. 

The day seems to go by like any other. 

You’re assigned a case and just like that, you’re all on the road again. Throughout assessments and profiles, you can’t help but cast looks at Hotch. You’re a bit giddy, because at times, he seems to already be looking your way. 

It’s an amazing thing. 

For the next couple of days you’re a bit busy, and when you return from your most recent case, the professional wall lowers and you and Hotch feel like regular people again. The team is bidding their goodbyes, and you wave them off as you head to do a bit of filing. Hotch has certainly had the same idea. 

He’s in his office finishing up, and the sight of him through the blinds brings back some memories. 

It’s a bit involuntary. 

“If that’s all you can leave.” 

His tone is cold, you’ve gotten used to it. Hotch is never one to spare words when it’s necessary. That’s why it's weird he has so little for you. Mostly, it’s just hard to be this close yet unable to touch him like you did. Hold him. Smile and watch him lower all those guards he wears bravely for the sake of his team. 

“Yes sir.” 

Just those words were a bit hard to utter. It’s crazy how you both went from lovers to strangers in the span of a few days. For them, you’ve only joined for a few months, but your father had dropped you off right after Hailey was safe. 

Now you’re back on the team but it’s not the same. 

At the time it was difficult, but just seeing him, seeing the way Jack would light up whenever he made a surprise visit with his mother at the bureau, it felt right. 

Then there were the times that you could see it. The fear in Hotch’s eyes at the thought of never seeing you again. He couldn’t have imagined what you planned to do, but you knew he realized whatever it was, you would be the one getting the short end of the stick. Just like that, all those days, weeks, months, they would be gone. He’d rushed right for you, despite it all, but it was useless, you were gone, into the veil with your father to give Hotch a better life. A happier one. Easier one, even if you couldn’t be a part of it. 

“Don’t…Don’t go with him.”

“DON’T!!” 

“Goodbye Hotchner.”

A sour feeling settles in your stomach and guilt washes over you at all those conflicting thoughts. 

Maybe that’s what possesses you to move to his office. You walk up the short flight of stairs, and as you enter, it looks like he’s ready to call it a night as well. 

“Are you ready to go?” 

You ask softly. 

He nods, stacking the files on his desk. You close the door, and then you linger there making him look up. 

“I’m sorry Hotch.” 

He’s a bit confused on why you’re apologizing.

“I thought that I was doing the right thing. My father told me that he could bring her back and I..it felt selfish not to try and give you a chance to be happy.” 

He couldn’t believe you were actually apologizing. He can say without a doubt that he understood and respected what you did. You knew that making such a decision would rob you of your own happiness, but you saw a chance to ensure he would still have his and you took it. Not just for him, but his son. There weren’t words to express how much that meant to him. 

How much you mean to him. 

Hotch approaches, taking your hand. 

“You brought back Hailey. Because of you Jack doesn’t have to grow up without a mother.  (Y/N), you sacrificed your happiness for me. For Jack. There’s nothing I can do that could ever make up for that.”

You’re teary eyed again and you smile. 

“I love you so much…” 

You manage to say. He can’t help but smile. You’ve stolen the words right out of his mouth. It’s a bit crazy. When you started this partnership, there was so much uncertainty. 

Hotch had hardly trusted you at the start, but now looking at him here, it’s hard to picture what life would be like if you hadn’t transferred in. He changed a lot in your life for the better. You can’t imagine life without him. 

“I love you too.” 

He kisses you happily and you hold on tight. 

There’s nothing more you can ask for in life. 

You’re both content.

Complete.

[kdj-225]

Kdj trying to give hsy and yjh flowers for valentines day hehe

i decided to make it White Day so it made more sense, culture-wise! 💜hope you like it!🥰 ===

※DO NOT REPOST / HOST MY WORK ON OTHER APPS OR SITES

"What's this?"

Han Sooyoung directed a wary look his way, as though he came with poison instead of a gift in the form of flowers.

Kim Dokja smiled.

In truth, He’d much rather have Han Sooyoung make fun of him than to have this moment extend for longer than it should. He'd only thought to give her flowers because of the abominable guilt in his chest ever since Yoo Sangah thought to give him handmade chocolates on Valentine's day—that she'd worked on with his mother and Yoo Joonghyuk, of all people, which made his guilt grow even worse.

He's not had to celebrate White day—or any day at all, really—in his entire life, so he ought to be forgiven for not even thinking about it.

Alas.

How ungrateful would it be to not even give flowers, when they've rewritten worlds for him?

He told her, “What do you think?”

"Is this a threat in flower language?" Han Sooyoung asked back, squinting at the bouquet in his hand. "Hydrangea symbolize arrogance—"

"You're talking about the white ones," Dokja sighed, shaking the bouquet of purple hydrangea in his hold. "Just accept them and throw them away if you don't like them."

Seeming to take those words as a threat, Han Sooyoung swiped the bouquet from his hand with a harrumph. "It's a sad excuse for a bouquet, but I'll forgive you. You've never been a romantic, after all."

"Excuse me?"

She idly flicked a finger at one of the flowers in her bouquet. "What did you give Yoo Joonghyuk?"

He frowned, not having expected that question. While it's true that he'd left the man a little something (what with how he'd also deliberately made Dokja's favorite food on Valentine's day), that didn't mean it's something to assume as a certainty. They're both men, after all, and even if he respects those who don't bother with the gender expectations for either holiday, it's not like they're together in that way for it to be expected of him.

And so, he asked, "Who said I gave him anything?"

She raised a brow at him in disbelief.

He smiled back, unfazed.

"Delphinium."

The voice that spoke came from behind him, with a depth and firmness that left no room for argument. Such was the case, and yet, Kim Dokja was familiar enough with the voice’s owner to stand his ground regardless.

"Huh? Delphinium," Han Sooyoung muttered, bouquet to her chest and hand to her chin as she thought. "Doesn't that mean joy? Or something along those lines."

"Why would you assume that the flowers are from me?" Dokja asked, turning to look at Yoo Joonghyuk. It's not like the flowers had his name on them, and he'd deliberately ensured that no one was there when he left them at his doorstep.

"Biyoo told me."

His smile faltered. He knew that she still had the ability to broadcast things as they happened in real-time, but he hadn't thought she'd betray him like this. "Ah."

"Wow, you really thought you could lie to our faces, huh?"

"...let's just leave it at that."

"How about we don't?"

"Han Sooyoung..."

She grinned, eyes cat-like and grin manic. "In fact, let's look up the meanings of the flowers right now!"

"I don't need to be present for this—"

A hand grabbed onto his shoulder and forced him to sit before he could escape.

Han Sooyoung, unperturbed by Yoo Joonghyuk's show of force, said idly, "Now, let's see..."

He hoped the ground would swallow him whole. Even if just today, even if it was improbable, he'd really appreciate it if the universe could grant him this one moment of luck.

"Here we go, purple hydrangea!" Sooyoung crowed, waving her phone at (an oddly interested) Yoo Joonghyuk.

Of all times, why now?

“Pride, royalty, gratefulness,” Sooyoung trailed off, until her voice softened into something he barely recognized. “Understanding. Huh.”

He cleared his throat. Though part of him was curious at how she’d look, sounding as gentle as she did, he wasn’t curious enough to risk embarrassing himself with having her see his own expression in full—more so when he said, “You understand me best as my favorite writer, after all.”

“And Delphinium?” Yoo Joonghyuk asked.

“Hm…ah, here we go.”

Dokja closed his eyes.

“I was right about it being related to joy,” Sooyoung explained. “In a way…it’s a bouquet that wishes for your happiness.”

Dokja covered his face with both of his hands.

“Wow. You absolute sap,” Sooyoung said, laughing.

“Please…”

“Hm.” Yoo Joonghyuk huffed, large hand squeezing at his shoulder. Dokja refused to ponder on the strength (or lack thereof) in his grip. “I see you still refuse to communicate your intentions directly.”

“Can I go now?”

“No.” “Nah.”

Damn it.