#am i projecting my mental problems... yeah probably like yeah don't even question it...

[ro-bee]

I'm thinking about goat again (ah... My goat.... Ah that fucking purple beast... Damn)

I'm making something new with them (again god dammit) because idk I feel really sentimental, oh I love them so much I want to analyse them under a microscope

So I'm sketching down the first meeting with wolf 🚶 they're in my brain I can't stop them!!help!!!!!

[krotecho]

Update on my work, I shared with exactly three people and one read it (Without pictures~)

My dear friend, whom I love dearly, must have enough of me and my writing bullshit by now (I sent her unhinged smut yesterday and she didn't reply much after that, I think I broke her with my awful writing °-°) So. I'm going to whine about my characters here. Because who's going to stop me.

I mentioned before that I work on my old project now. My brain is amazing with how fast it ditches ideas in a hole, next to which is a sign "Hiatus purgatory hole". Besides. Original plot can make one question where were my parents, because stuff I wrote when I was like twelve is worrying. I didn't had a good concept of the world it turns out and my world was incredibly... Weird.

Still is, but at least I embrace it now and I think it isn't as horrible as I was painting it eight years ago XD Either way, I'm wandering from main topic. I work on my idea, with my nearly ten years of experience with writing. And it's a bit depressing that I'm still not that good at writing after all that time.

...

I warn about me spoiling stuff here, if you think you'll want to read that story (It's in polish so good luck, mate) then don't go below this point. I'll keep it civil, nice and clean, but I'm not going to hold much. Summary probably will be on my master post, so before reading this you can look there and decide. But to the main event.

I'm obsessed with my characters, for past week or so I was spamming my friends with random trivia, I randomly come up with. But I think I was annoying as hell with that xD That's why I will just do scene dump for my damn idea (Which btw would eventually be posted, presumably when I'm done or have more than two point one chapters) because I'm going for failing this semester with how distracted I am. I mean to be fair I'm improvising quickly but I have project for one class due this Thursday and I'm not mentally ready for this. Not to mention I didn't even start researching statistics for this. But that is future me problem.

My ultimate info dump would definitely start with the characters. I wanted to draw the designs but my drawing skills just said "Yeah your free trial ended, you can buy subscription nowhere" so I'm not going to do that for a while. I need new email and I can just cheat the system for my mediocre art style to work. I planned not to complicated story with main character older than me. It's plus minus ten year difference. I'm twenty for reference. His name is Rhys, because I love giving my characters unusual names. You will see that later. I'm still thinking about giving him last name, but I don't think I will. It has connection to his past, but that is still in development. Rhys is quite short man, he looks like he is no older than at most twenty, while in fact in the start of the story he is in mid twenties. And story is spread across something like ten years maybe. When I was first writing that shit (13/14) I would say he's old. But right know I would consider dating a guy that age. It's not that old honestly.

I kinda forgot if I did gave him freckles now but in original storyline he definitely had them. He has jet black hair, their length is based on my own hair's length because he would look awesome with that. It's like almost to the shoulders, but not too long? You can make a ponytail but it's not long enough to be a problem. I need to get a haircut they are getting too long. Besides. Black hair. We got that. In the first part of the story he looks like stray cat, who never saw brush in his life. Matted tangled messy. That is how you can describe it. Because he couldn't care less. By the time plot starts he already was alone for seven years, he only preached basic hygiene, because he knows somethings about diseases and doesn't want to fuck around and find out. But touching his hair isn't something he needs to do so he doesn't do it.

I spend whole paragraph about his hair only. It's going to be a long post. Really long. To complete that weird unusual look better he has matted golden eyes, lifeless and tired for most of the plot. They express more than he thinks tho, other people will see stuff there. His eyes are also so pretty I swear. Especially when there is dimmed light, and the light is just reflecting in the irises. I just made a pretty boy. Pretty man. He is a grown adult after all. Back to my word vomit. Eyes actually will be showing his personality better than I ever would with words (It's not that I'm writing the damn story. Nope) It is connecting to the back story, so I can just smoothly go to that. Because his skeleton-like look is also kinda connected with this.

Making a character without trauma is like cooking without spices. You of course can do that and it's fine but I like my food spicy. And my characters traumatized. It's so easy to give trauma to neurodivergent person, really. Because I kinda write him on the spectrum. And I refuse to believe he isn't there. But I'm not going to confirm nor deny this. I made him have some quirks and other stuff that feel like autism? It may be that or I just suck at characterization and stuff happened. Either way it was really easy to give my man trauma. He has three older siblings, did I mention that he's a shapeshifter, I think I didn't so I do it now, and both parents. That may feel weird, main characters usually don't have parents. Unless they are awful. And I did write them so good I hate them with burning passion. I do not have names for them because I only recently polished their personalities. It helps that I watch so much commentary videos on stories from r/InsaneParents on yt. I have my material right there. (The Click, I'm not going to hide that, why should I)

He had relatively good childhood, until he was seven and he broke his nose or something, not important what, important fact is that he was bleeding much. He bleed over some stones, when one turned into lovely green gemstone stained with some red on the surface. Here is some important information about my beloved shapeshifters. If you count all the time I spend with this somewhere creeping in my mind, I was planning this "race" for something 'round six years. At first I was going in some slavery territory with how I divided living beings there (I told you, it was weird) but I got better and now I have humans, shapeshifters and some kind of mages?, that is still under work. And among shapeshifters there are two groups. "Purebreds" and hybrids. It's mostly genetical factor how the kid will be, but traditionally hybrids are a mix of human and a shapeshifter. They can shapeshift but they need to have their precious gemstone, made from their blood (You see where I'm going with this). Without it they also can change form, but it's simply not worth it. They can't fully control their new form, giving to the animalistic brain. For example when a hybrid would change into a let's say panther, they would be under influence of panther's instincts only vaguely remembering they aren't a panther. To that goes pain, that rises exponentially with the size of an animal. To put that in perspective, changing in to the rat and back would hurt only a little or not at all, but taking form of a brown bear and back, would be agonizing. And for the record shapeshifters can do dragons, wyverns, and stuff. It simply isn't worth the trouble to change without the stone. Next thing you hear about shapeshifters as a whole will be tainted with mpreg, I'm not even sorry.

So continuing with Rhys' backstory. To this point everyone thought he was just going to learn late to change shape. It happens nothing to be ashamed of. But when he with a smile and blood on himself, proud with his discovery showed this to his parents he wasn't expecting that reaction. There was shock, denial which he promptly debunked changing into wolf's pup to present what he could do. His mother went through all five stages of grief in mere seconds, accepting that fact pretty fast. But oh it wouldn't be nice. His father could not accept this. He accused the mother of cheating even though Rhys is practically his carbon copy. (And here is the genetical factor, Rhys is his son, he just got that genes. It's a mystery, because there is no modern genetics there. And I don't exactly have time for writing thesis for a fictional world. At least now. Semester ends in like two months) They started to argue in front of the child, that is confused as fuck, green gem clutched in hand. And things changed from there. Father either avoided Rhys or was just straight up cruel to him. That man had audacity to not acknowledge practically his clone as his kid. He ignored his youngest when he tried to impress him with skills he learned. He would call him useless, criticize him to the point he eventually was scared to do anything.

Rhys' parents also separated. That lead his mother to hate him, a child, because he was the reason. Not saying she wasn't right but she didn't need to take it on a literal child. Rhys got punished for stupid shit, he became a real troublemaker, putting himself and others in danger with his shenanigans. He didn't understand why suddenly his parents hated him, and stalking wolves was his coping mechanism apparently. Amount of times he got injured is amazing. His mother used corporeal punishment, locked him in the room (he learned how to pick locks just because of that), she even gone far enough to tell him, if she knew how he would turn out she would have get rid of him before he was even born. By that time Rhys was around thirteen. His oldest siblings weren't living around anymore, and his sister, barely eighteen, doesn't see severity of shit he goes through. She is busy with keeping her act together, pressured by mother to have her role as the future leader of the group they live in. Father left, few years before so it was only these three.

When Rhys turned fifteen, on the very same day he got a gift from his mother. She thrown him out. She told him to get out, and leave. And he did, only valuable thing on him his cursed gemstone. Surviving was hard, he didn't know where to go, wandering through forests, hunting for food, eating in animal form to not die. He found some lovely small village after few months like this. He wasn't warmly welcomed but it still became a place for him to live in. He spent three years there, life seemed to not be bad, he had a girlfriend. Even though he is aroace. We all figure out ourselves. But everything turned into shit again when his girlfriend, after committing literal crime got pregnant. She accused him of raping her, because she was from "no sex before marriage" background. Whole story almost ends here, people want shapeshifter dead.

Girl is at least decent enough to try and make it just a life sentence. Here chimes a mage, saying he can arrange something that will punish him, no one will see him around again and no one gets killed so everyone's happy. That is summary of a story how Rhys got himself into specifically designed for him prison with only himself as a company and grim future in dimmed light of fluorescent protists. Some people are just unlucky in their life. She also took his gemstone so no shapeshifting, something he dearly loved, that made him feel better with everything that happened to him. And suddenly he was only with his thoughts, skin itching to change and helplessness that weighted on him while he haunted tunnels that were his new home.

He learned to cope with that, seven years passed by. During which he slowly lost spark, blood on his hands, death wish not strong enough to give up. And we have my plot in that point. Rhys is tired, pessimistic optimist, clinging to life not even knowing why. Before I go more for plot, I can whine about him. Because man is clearly not good.

There is nothing he can understand, he was always "weird", the only kid that complained about noise, that one kid with the most disgusted look when touched by someone he didn't know that much, one that fascinated watched animal corpses and constantly begging to learn more about diseases, death and injuries. He knows it's just how he is, but he doesn't know why is it a problem? He slowly accepts the fact that he will die in darkness, alone, far from his family. That he'll not see any of his siblings again. He doesn't care about his mother, feeling of hate is now mutual. But after that seven years, que Ada. A ten year old, making man in his mid twenties question his life decisions even more than before. Bringing up his past, with grace of a wrecking ball, even when she isn't aware of that. And will not be until few years later.

...

I wonder if I should just post this and do this in parts. It's already long. I already miss on ocassions to make my uni work. Yeah I think I'll pick it up somewhere in the future. So I'm going to make it in parts✨ It's so good I don't have much audience to disappoint here.

Here is a playlist I made for this story: It's not on wattpad yet tho

Maybe next one will include designs or at least one design. Maybe project about red wolves will not make ma living corpse so I could do that. I'm going home for Easter so I'll have access to my tablet for four days. Maybe I'll do a ref for some of my characters. I'm betting on Rhys if I have time for this.

If someone sends me a tablet now I maybe would make some makeshift cover so it would go on wattpad. Don't do that I'm really enjoying my break from posting (I have no time to do pleasure stuff)

And if you are reading this, my perfect beta-reader, I do regret sending that smut to you, let alone writing it XDD Oh and sorry for any spoilers you could get from here.

Have a nice day or night, whoever you are person reading this, take care and drink water :3

[latte-fairytaekwoon]

𝚈𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚎! 𝙰𝚝𝚎𝚎𝚣 𝙿𝚛𝚘𝚏𝚒𝚕𝚎𝚜: 𝚂𝚘𝚗𝚐 𝙼𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚒

Disclaimer: In no way am I condoning, justifying, encouraging nor trying to romanticize yandere behavior. This is all a work of fiction and not meant to represent real life scenarios.

Warnings: Mentions of bullying, toxic relationship, violent behavior, murder, sexual scenes, paranoia leading to mental blackouts, miscarriage, suicide attempt, mental disorders and death are contained within this post. Read at your own discretion.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐜 𝐈𝐧𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧:

𝙽𝚊𝚖𝚎: 𝚂𝚘𝚗𝚐 𝙼𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚒

𝙳.𝙾.𝙱: 𝙰𝚞𝚐𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝟿𝚝𝚑, 𝟷𝟿𝟿𝟿

𝙷𝚎𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝: 𝟷𝟾𝟻 𝙲𝙼/ 𝟼'𝟶 𝙵𝚃.

𝙰𝚐𝚐𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝙻𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚕: ■■■■□90%

𝙾𝚋𝚜𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝙻𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚕: ■■■■■100%

𝙼𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚊𝚕 𝙸𝚗𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚋𝚒𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚢: ■■■■□90%

𝙾𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚃𝚑𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚝 𝙻𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚕: 𝙷𝚒𝚐𝚑

𝚈𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝙲𝚕𝚊𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚏𝚒𝚌𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗: 𝚂𝚞𝚋𝚖𝚒𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚟𝚎

𝙱𝚎𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚒𝚘𝚛𝚊𝚕 𝙰𝚗𝚊𝚕𝚢𝚜𝚒𝚜:

•𝙷𝚊𝚛𝚖𝚏𝚞𝚕 𝚏𝚒𝚡𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚘𝚋𝚓𝚎𝚌𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚝

•𝙳𝚎𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚞𝚌𝚝𝚒𝚟𝚎 𝚗𝚎𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚙𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚎 𝚘𝚋𝚓𝚎𝚌𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚝

•𝚃𝚎𝚖𝚙𝚘𝚛𝚊𝚛𝚢 𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚘𝚍𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚊𝚕 𝚜𝚑𝚞𝚝𝚍𝚘𝚠𝚗

•𝙸𝚗𝚊𝚋𝚒𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚢 𝚝𝚘 𝚛𝚎𝚌𝚘𝚕𝚕𝚎𝚌𝚝 𝚖𝚎𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝚟𝚒𝚘𝚕𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝚋𝚎𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚒𝚘𝚛

•𝙴𝚡𝚝𝚛𝚎𝚖𝚎𝚕𝚢 𝚎𝚖𝚘𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚍𝚛𝚒𝚟𝚎𝚗 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚞𝚗𝚊𝚋𝚕𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚏𝚞𝚗𝚌𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚝

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Mingi was someone who always kept to himself, never wanting to draw any kind of attention.

Unfortunately for him, he got a lot of attention while he was studying in university, and not the good kind.

He accidentally bumped into one of the jocks at school, and from that moment on, his life was hell.

He was constantly belittled, shoved to the floor, his locker filled with vicious and cruel messages ranging from "freak" to "kill yourself."

Mingi often just sighed and continued his day, as if this was totally normal.

It's not that he didn't understand what was going on or didn't care.

He was just too awkward and scared to stand up to himself.

So he often just came home, feeling hopeless and in despair.

Many times he hardly ate and would end up crawling inside his blankets and cry himself to sleep.

Even the few people he talked to stopped associating themselves with him out of fear of becoming the bullies' next target.

So Mingi resigned himself to being alone and to think no one would ever care about him....

Until you came along.

You had recently transferred to his school and one of the first things you saw was the poor sandy hair colored giant get punched in the stomach by his locker.

You were so disgusted and sickened by their behavior that you did not hesitate to go over and make sure he was all right.

"Hey, do you need help?" You asked as you helped him get up.

"I I'm fine...t-thanks.." Without another word, he left you standing there, running off to his next class.

He thought that'd be the last time he saw you but during lunch break, you made it a point to look for him and talk to him.

"Are you feeling better?"

Mingi looked up at you with wide eyes, wondering if it really was him you were talking to.

"Y-yeah...I'm fine. T-thanks"

Smiling at him, you sat next to him, taking out your lunch while trying to make conversation with him.

All throughout it, Mingi seemed agitated, scared almost.

You felt really bad and asked him if something was bothering him.

Sighing he told you:

"Look, I appreciate your concern, but I think it's best if you stay away from me.... I don't want them to hurt you because of me..."

You saw the sadness in his eyes, the loneliness behind them and that made you want to stay with him even more.

"What's your name?" You asked what you had really wanted to know since the beginning.

"Song Mingi." He answered you.

Grinning at him, you held out your hand.

"Well Song Mingi, I'm L/N Y/N. Your soon to be new best friend."

Mingi's mouth dropped at your words, he couldn't possibly believe you were serious.

But you were and not only did you become his closest friend, you also became his protector.

Unlike him, you were fearless, vivacious, outgoing and spontaneous.

And Mingi began to admire you a lot for it....

More than admired, he began to worship you, falling deeply in love with you.

For once in his life, he was happy, truly happy and filled with joy.

Instead of crying himself to sleep, he went to bed all excited to spend the next day with you.

And of course you two spent a lot of time together, since he became your math tutor cause you were the absolute worst with numbers.

You were thankful that Mingi was so patient and caring towards you.

He never showed any signs of frustration or annoyance even after explaining the equation to you about 20 times.

"Y/N. Pay attention or you won't ace the test." He often told you, adding a little pinch to your nose or cheek to get you to focus.

He also loved just talking to you during these sessions.

Obviously being your best friend, he also ended up picking up on what sort of things you liked in a guy.

He would often observe you at school or while you two were out.

One time he even read through a few of your messages with one of your other friends from your old school.

It was exactly what Mingi needed to know, he now had a glimpse of the type of boyfriend you wanted.

And for you.....he'd end up becoming that boyfriend.

So while you were in spring break, he prepared everything.

He got rid of his cardigans and vests, trading them for leather and jean jackets.

He ended up cutting his hair differently and started wearing tighter fitting pants that accentuated his thick thighs.

So when you saw him again, it was a complete 180° from the shy, nerdy boy you knew.

"Whoah! Who are you and what have you done with my best friend?"

You weren't going to lie, Mingi did look very attractive.

You were glad though that he was still the cute, adorable and somewhat clumsy boy he was when you first met him.

Because that's the Mingi you knew and loved.

And you wouldn't trade him for anything in the world.

It was after finals that Mingi decided to ask you out.

You were both out celebrating the fact you both passed when he popped the question:

"Y/N will you go out with me?" He suddenly blurted out.

You were taken aback, but said yes nonetheless.

Mingi was so happy.

He was extremely devoted to you as a boyfriend, always saying yes to you and going along with whatever it was you wanted.

Anything you said, he would do it.

"Anywhere you want to go is fine with me."

"Anything you want is fine with me."

You thought it was really sweet at first, he really wanted to make you happy.

But after almost a year of dating, it kinda started to get annoying.

It bothered you that he never seemed to have an opinion of his own.

You actually snapped at him one day while planning a date out.

"Can't you freaking decide for yourself once?"

Mingi just whipped his head at you, unable to comprehend why you were yelling at him.

"Do you not even care about me or this relationship? Cause honestly it seems like you're not actually putting effort into it and if it's like that, why am I even wasting my time on you?"

Mingi got really scared when you began walking out the door, he pleaded with you to stay, to talk through it.

"I'll do anything! Y/N please just don't leave me! What do you want me to do?!" He begged as he got on his knees.

"I want you to leave me alone!"

Alone......that word struck a chord in Mingi's head.....alone.

No....he couldn't go back to being alone...go back to the cold world that he was used to.

He began hyperventilating, his head was spinning and it was pounding like there was no tomorrow.

He doesn't remember much after that. All he remembers was the annoying knocking at the door.

He remembers opening it and seeing a random salesperson there....

But after that, it's all a big black faze, and when he finally came to his senses....

He was covered in blood, and a bludgeoned corpse was sprawled across the kitchen floor.

Although he was panicking, Mingi knew that you could not find out about this.

So he quickly got to work and cleaned up all traces of blood and managed to get rid of the body with no one seeing him.

He was so confused about what happened and panicking about if you found out, that he didn't hear you come in the house until you literally stood in front of him.

He instantly got on his knees and hugged your waist.

"Baby I was so scared that you left me forever! Please I'm sorry I made you feel like I don't care about you, I do! I fucking love you so much, and I promise I'll try harder....

Just for you..."

You felt so bad seeing him, and truly you loved him and felt like it was a petty thing to get mad about.

You pulled him up and reassured him that you weren't mad anymore and that you were too much in love with him to leave.

Mingi felt so relieved. He couldn't even begin to fathom what would happen if he did lose you.

He'd probably go insane.

True to his word, Mingi did try harder to get rid of that habit of just following what you said like a little puppy, and would now start expressing himself more.

Now the problem was he went the complete opposite direction: now he seemed to question your every decision and it would lead to small tiny banters between you two.

One time you got tired of him making a fuss over the fact you were spending so much time with a classmate that it turned really ugly.

"We're working on a project Mingi! Nothing else!" You shouted at him.

"What do you need to be going to his house though and staying til late hours of the night? Why can't you two do it here?!"

"Because you end up distracting us both and throwing passive aggressive words to him." You were exhausted from all the screaming by now you were losing your patience.

"Are you sure it's not because you're just whoring yourself out with them?" He didn't mean for those words to come out...but they did.

And you didn't mean to get so angry to the point of slapping him, but you did and that's when it hit you that you went too far.

You both stood there stunned at what happened, Mingi more hurt than anything by your actions, while you felt ashamed of yourself.

You lifted your hand against the very person you were protecting at first.....and now you hated yourself for hurting him like his past bullies.

Ashamed and full of guilt, you turned away and began walking out.

"Wait no! Y/N please! It's ok! It was my fault! I shouldn't have said that! Please let's just work it out!"

"No Mingi! I can't! I..... I need a break."

Mingi's world came crumbling down when you said that. He went into a slight catatonic state as he watched you walk away.

Once he regained his senses, he ran after you, desperate to bring you back, running around aimlessly through the dark streets and alleys, calling out for you but you were nowhere to be seen.

"Get lost you dirty bastard." A passerby rudely shoved him out of the way.

In a matter of seconds, Mingi's eyes darkened, his fist clenched at his side as rage now coursed through his body.

He turned his head to look back at the stranger who was now walking away.

Smirking, Mingi pulled out the switchblade he was carrying in his pocket before creeping quietly to the man.

Someone had to pay the price and feel the wrath and despair he felt at losing his goddess......and he found them.

It had been roughly a month since you last saw Mingi and although you hated to admit it, you missed him. But you knew you had to stay away for his sake.

But things don't go as planned and you soon found out you were going to have to see him sooner than you thought...

Because you were now pregnant with his child and you had to let him know.

You were so nervous about telling him, your hand trembled as you opened the door to the apartment you used to share with Mingi.

You quietly stepped inside, too afraid to call out for him just yet.

But then you heard some weird noises coming from the bedroom, your heart somewhat dropping when you distinguished what sounded like moans and panting.

You could also make out Mingi's deep voice calling out your name.

Opening the door open, your hand flew to your mouth, semi-muffling your sharp gasp as you took in the scene of Mingi fucking some random girl with her face covered on the bed you two shared not too long ago.

"What the fuck Mingi?!" You exclaimed in utter disgust and betrayal.

"Y/N! I can explain!" All color drained from Mingi's face as he pulled himself out of the girl and quickly dressed himself.

You couldn't bear to stay there another moment, you just ran out of there once again.

But you didn't get far because Mingi swiftly caught up to you and enraptured you in his arms.

"Don't touch me! You're disgusting! You liar! You cheater!" You tossed and writhed around as you tried to escape his grasp, while Mingi tried to hold you still and trying to talk to you.

You felt an immense pain run through your stomach at that moment, your body becoming paralyzed as some weird and excruciating torment bursted in you.

Mingi noticed as well how you clutched your stomach and had difficulty breathing so he wasted no time in taking you to the hospital.

You woke up hours later, late at night, a nurse by your side and Mingi on the other, his hand holding onto yours as tears poured from his eyes.

"What happened?" You immediately asked, your hand instinctively going to your belly.

The nurse explained with sorrow how you had lost the baby, apologizing profusely to you, knowing you were probably in pain.

You went berserk when she told you that, first you denied it, then you began screaming while trying to pull off the IVs attached to you.

Mingi tried to calm you down, but instead he made things worse with his presence.

"This is all your fault! If it wasn't because of you, my baby would be alive!"

Those words cut Mingi deep inside, you killed him immediately with them.

Other nurses rushed in to calm you down as one of them pulled Mingi away for his protection and for yours.

You were numb for the next few days, refusing to see anyone and especially not Mingi, you gave strict orders not to let him in.

You were planning on never seeing him again.

The very day you were released from the hospital though, he was the first person you encountered while you were on your way home.

"Y/N?" He asked, startling you when he came out from the corner.

Your feet shifted slowly, almost losing balance on the small step on your front door.

"What are you doing here? I thought I made it clear I never wanted to see you." Not wanting to waste another minute, you quickly punched in your passcode.

"Y/N baby you don't mean that! I love you! And you love me!"

You let out a dry and haughty laugh at that.

"You? Love me? Is that why you were fucking some whore behind my back?"

"I swear she didn't mean anything! And I made her cover her face because I was thinking of you the entire time..."

You rolled your eyes at that, feeling absolutely disgusted.

"But then I realized she was to blame for everything and so I got rid of her so I can make you happy, forgive me and we could start again."

You halted your actions when he said that.

"Mingi...what do you mean you got rid of her?"

If his last words disturbed you, now you were absolutely horrified as he calmly told you how he mutilated her body and discarded her remains in a lake outside of the city.

You actually felt sick and nearly threw up right then and there.

"Mingi.....what..... you're insane! How could you-?"

Mingi couldn't understand why you were upset.

"Don't you see? I did it for you Y/N. Everything I've ever done is for you."

Now it dawned on you, the person you've ever loved was sick, extremely sick and needed help.

"Mingi.....don't come near me again....stay away....seriously..."

And once again another struggle between you two ensued, you wanting to run away while he held onto you for dear life.

"Stop Mingi! Let me go! I don't love you anymore!"

The spinning in his head started once again, his vision becoming hazy, he could hear his own heartbeat resonating in his ears, his hand shook violently as it reached for an all too familiar object he kept hidden in his pocket....

Everything turned dark and blinding....

But when he came back, there he was, staring in shock at your lifeless body, a fresh, clean cut running all across your neck, blood still spurting out and staining his hands.

"Oh my God! What have I done?!" Mingi cried out, wailing and screaming erratically at the thought that he had just murdered his soulmate with his own hands.

He couldn't bear the thought of living without you, he just couldn't....

And so he picked up the very tool he used to kill you and held up to his own neck....

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

[ivy-loves-chocolate]

'Ello! Same user here! I was wondering if you could make a part 2 to the story of my last request, one where the reader is confronted by her ex-friends at an event and Albert goes off on them how far she's coming compared to them along the reader getting the last laugh before Albert gets rid of the ex for good, if you don't mind!

Ofc I don’t mind. Sweet revenge is coming up next 😈. Anyways, i hope you’ll enjoy!

You are not alone Part 2 (Wesker x F!Reader)

•Link to Part 1

Warnings: none.

Wesker received an invitation to an event. The host was a man who introduced him to Miss Gionne and if it wasn’t for this big favour, Wesker wouldn’t go. In fact, he thought about getting some time off from his work since he felt overwhelmed with the incredible amount of tasks he needed to complete in order to finish Uroborus project. If this succeeded, it would be his biggest achievement in life, not to mention a reminder that he broke free from his chains and escaped his abuser. However, every brilliant mind needs a break from the activities to avoid burnout. 

He talked with his lover about the party and she was excited to go with him. It would be the first time when they exposed their relationship publicly so she was nervous  because Wesker is not an ordinary man, in contrary, his name is well known and people tremble when they hear it. Her image also impacted his.

“What’s wrong? Don’t you want to go?” Wesker noticed she was lost in her own thought. 

“Yeah, but, I don’t think I fit. I’m not from your world. I’m just a normal virologist who graduated a normal college.” 

Wesker remained silent for a second then he bursted out in laugh. 

“Dear, you’re perfect the way you are. I don’t care about these social constructs, and if someone has something to say about your appearance I’ll make sure it will be the last thing they say.” He put his big thumb to his neck and drew a line. “Come on get dressed.” Before leaving the room he stoped in the doorframe and smirked.  “I won’t tolerate delays.” 

That being said, she had little time to prepare. These aristocrats must a lot of money to throw parties like this out of the blue. Fortunately she found a black gown without sleeves with an open back and trail which fit her body well, but it missed something. She kept searching until she found a golden snake accessory that can be wear on her back. It was beautiful and it would cover her whole exposed back. She remembered her ex saying that she doesn’t have a proper sense of style to wear that accessory but she got it anyway. Tonight she’s going to wear it and she’s going to be confident in her own skin. 

The penthouse looked really expensive even if it was very crowded and you could barely see any furniture. However, when they arrive, with all the music and noise that was, everyone noticed them and they didn’t put any effort to hide the fact that they were starring at you. Their eyes were piercing your soul, unveiling any secret and details about you, stomping in into your life and violating your space. They were eating you alive. 

The party followed its natural course after that. She recognised a few big names there, but they couldn’t compare to Albert. The only man who wore sunglasses indoor was the main star of the night, not like he didn’t enjoy it. He didn’t let go of her hand the whole night, a sign of him being proud to have such a woman beside him and probably he fell her being nervous. He introduced her to everyone he met and only spoke good words about her, how she help him a lot in his research and how fast she proved her worth to the company. The conversations were short as many people wanted to talk with him. She wondered how could he possibly memorise so many faces and names. 

There was a group of people however who refused to take their eyes from you, which seemed pretty familiar to you for a reason. Then it hit her, they were a part form her life she tried to forget, that’s why she didn’t recognise them. She turned her head to Albert and like he was reading minds he glanced at the group. He researched her past life and those people look like the ones from the files. Her ex group of friends were in the same field as her, of course they would be there.  He leaned to her ear. 

“You’ve come far since then.” And placed a kiss on her forehead. He then placed a hand on her back and lead her to the other group of people introducing her in the same manner. 

Of course her ex friends were of problematic nature. They followed her, undecided whether to start a conversation or not. She changed so much it was unbelievable. 

Wesker went to talk in private with a woman. She seemed in her late 50s and she wear a simple white cocktail dress. The older woman gave her a warm smile before grabbing Wesker’s arm and leaving to talk. As soon as she was alone the problematic group decided to act. Shyly, one of her ex friends tapped her shoulder. 

“Y/N?” 

She turned around to meet their gaze. They remained the same and now she was able to see how much she truly evolved. 

They engaged in an awfully long and boring dialogue in which they discussed about their lives. After they move on to compliment her dress, all of them asking about the snake from her back. She was right, none of them stepped higher from where she left them, nor in their career or mentally. 

“How’s the new job? It is more profitable than the previous one? Who’s that man you’re with, do you know him?” They were so comfortable asking those questions like they were still friends, but the only difference is that now she sees strangers, strangers who are trying to enter her private life. She responded monosyllabically

One of them introduced the topic they’ve all been wanting so much. 

“Have you spoke with, you know?” 

“No, he tried to contact me but I never answered back.” She stated coldly. 

“We’re sorry we didn’t believe you.” Said another voice from the group. “We’re realised lately how bad he was. He seemed so sweet it was hard for us to see the truth. Hope we can keep in contact.” 

She couldn’t believe it how easily they approached her after all that happened. How they blamed her for being too sensitive, calling her names and ignored her whenever she needed support. She was trying so hard to hold her tears, not because she was sad, but angry. When she felt like she couldn’t take it anymore she felt a hand caressing her back. 

“Is there any problem?” 

The group was greeted by a tall man who didn’t seem to be in a mood for talking.

“N-no we were just...”

“I suggest you should get used to the idea of being rejected or else things will get ugly” he lowered his glasses on the bridge of his nose, revealing his bright red eyes. The group ran away in fear and got lost in the crowd.

After a while the people started to leave and the place was more clear. What was probably once a decent place to live turned into a mess, with broken glasses laying on the floor, flipped alcohol bottles and confetti. Wesker grabbed her hand and guided her outside saying he needs some air. 

“Thanks for helping me out there. It was satisfying seeing them running away in fear.”

“I told you I’ll be there for you. I won’t let anyone stain your pride.”

“Cheers” they both clinked their champagne glasses. 

Wesker put the glass aside and searched something in his coat’s jacket. 

“I know you for a while now” he said as he seemed to find what he was searching for. “And I reached the conclusion that you’re everything I was looking for in a partner. You’re reliable, understanding and you don’t want me for my status like these idiots, you want me for who I am. You’re able to see behind these materialistic gains.” 

He removed his sunglasses and now he was watching her with his amber eyes. He dropped on his knees while pulling the case of an engagement ring. When he opened the case she saw a gold ring with three stones, one big in the middle with two small beside it. It was the most beautiful ring she ever seen. The stones seemed to be pink diamonds.  

“Will you marry me?” 

Without hesitation she said yes. Wesker raised on his feet and they both engaged into a kiss. Her new start looks promising. 

[devinescribe]

Burnt Out

Bitches... (1, I love you all very much. 2, .... read 1) it's time for some angst...

And the start of me making poly relationship things-

Request away lol (I'm working on a request and small project chapters :) )

Warnings: Toxic Relationship, mentions scars, burns, Manga spoilers, swearing, emotionally abusive behavior, mentally abusive behavior, gaslighting(?) Let me know if I missed any!

You giggled as both men chased after you through the halls of the hotel. "(Y/N), you're wearing socks! You're going to- shit!" Niragi yelled after you, cursing when he saw you fall. You slipped down the stairs. You landed with a thud at the bottom. Tears filled your eyes at the pain, but you swallowed them back, standing up. You yelped, falling back to the floor. Chishiya stared down at you, kneeling besides you,  squeezing your leg. "Ow! Shi-Shi, hurts," you whined, slapping his hand away. He glared up at you. "Maybe don't be stupid next time. I'm just trying to help you," he scoffed, going back to trying to find out what was wrong. "You don't have to be so mean to he-" "Shut up. You're dumber than her, you're the whole reason this happened anyways." He felt people stare, and stopped. "Take her back up to our room. I'll figure out what's wrong there," Chishiya stated, getting up, and walking away. You expected Niragi to yell after him, or repremand him for something, but we're met by silence. "Gi-Gi, you ok?" You whispered as he picked you up softly. He pressed a quick kiss to your forehead nodding.

"Niragi... this isn't the way back to our room," you said, noticing he was taking you the opposite way. "Clever girl," he praised with a smile. You laughed at his words. "I'm taking you to Ann. She has more equipment to help you. I'll get Chishiya after I take you to her though," he explained. You nodded.

_______________________________________

"And then it was like bam, then woosh, and like... wow!!" You exclaimed, trying to find the words to explain your game. Niragi laughed, patting the top of your head. "Sounds fun sweetheart. Tell me all about it after I take a shower," he said. You nodded with a smile, sitting on the edge of your bed. Chishiya had been on the bed, listening to your rambling. "Chishiya, I think it was really cool how you tried to-" you started. "Gods you're loud. Quiet down. And I know. I'm clever, after all. Neither of you would be here without me. Probably dead," he lectured. "But Chishiya, Niragi and I survived without you before we came to the Beach, remember? We were t-" you started, confused at his words. "I get it, he's your favorite out of us both! You make it so fucking obvious. I bet the only reason you wanted both of us is because you're an attention whore who needs multiple men to use her to feel good about herself. Shut up and let me sleep," he shouted. Tears filled your eyes as he turned away from you. Had you really shown favoritism? You didn't try to, if you had. You always made sure you tried to do things with both. Was he feeling left out? Is that why he was being a jerk?

Those were all thoughts running through your mind, not knowing that you weren't the problem. You had spent equal time with both, giving them equal attention. Chishiya just never wanted you around him.

_______________________________________

"(Y/N), come with me. Now," Chishiya ordered. Ten of Hearts. That was tonight's game. And you were terrified. He had pulled you away before anything got to out of hand. You thought that maybe he was trying to be nice. Maybe he had finally come around? Had you given him enough attention? "W-where's Niragi?" You asked, jogging to catch up with him. "Don't worry about him let's go."

You followed him around the whole time, watching as his hands quickly grabbed items. ''What are you making?" You asked, hoping he didn't snap at you. You feared his response. "Something to beat the game with. If you can't bring the witch to the fire, bring the fire to the witch," he said. You sighed in relief. He didn't yell at you, and you were happy about it. "Ok... so... you know who the witch is?" You questioned. "I have a hunch. Now stop asking questions," he stated. "So annoying..." you heard him mutter. You frowned, keeping your lips shut.

Following him up the stairs, you kept to yourself. You knew he wouldn't care about your thoughts. He might yell at you, or call you annoying. You didn't want to make him angry... He was just trying to protect you, right?

"Niragi!" You shouted happily, seeing he was at the rooftop. He wasn't dead. He looked over at you with a smirk. "Ah, so he did keep you safe. Where were you hiding?" He asked, picking up his gun from the floor. "There's many places for me to hide," Chishiya responded. You tried walking towards Niragi, but Chishiya grabbed your sleeve. You tugged at his hand, trying to get away. "Let me go," you said, struggling against him. "No."

The next few minutes went in a blur. All you remember was Chishiya and Niragi arguing a bit back and forth. You were so overwhelmed already, the game getting to you, and now your lovers were fighting. Cards flying, fire, screaming. You couldn't tell if it was your own scream or Niragi's, but it didn't matter.

"C-chishiya what the hell?! W-what?!" You yelled, shaking, stepping back from him. "Hmm... guess he wasn't the witch then,'' he stated, dropping the homemade flamethrower to the ground. He started picking up the cards on the floor. You however tried taking deep breaths, trying to calm yourself. You couldn't. Tears slipped off your face, hands scratching you your arms. You couldn't scream, couldn't talk, couldn't move. It was like you were living in a nightmare.

_______________________________________

There was more instances, of course, but you were so done with everything. Niragi was still alive, to your relief. After all that, he was alive. And that's all that mattered to you. Chishiya had been with you, and still was. Understandably, you were scared of him. Niragi was angry at him, but couldn't do anything about it.

"Look, just tell me I'm right, and we're fine," Chishiya stated bored of the conversation. Both you and Niragi were so tired of this. The constant fighting, gaslighting, and hateful words. Chishiya was just too prideful to admit he was wrong.

It was a relationship between you three. You and Niragi shouldn't be putting in all the work, while he didn't try. At the begin he had. He had tried to be a part of the relationship, giving you both kisses and hugs. Random bouts of energy at 3 am to go to a random room. It had all started slowly going down hill. He pushed you both away, but didn't want to leave. He never left, giving you hope that maybe he really loved you both, and just didn't know how to express it. He had told you about his parents, and you just always tried to excuse his behavior as his trauma, but it just got to a point where you couldn't anymore.

"You're right," you started. You saw him smirk, and continued. "We couldn't fix you," you said. Suddenly he wasn't so sure of where this was going. "You're right, we shouldn't have tried to. Your pride is what you're concerned about?" Niragi said. He was tired of dealing with this as well. All he wanted was to find someone who actually cared about him, and who showed it. He didn't want to be with someone who made him feel alone. You didn't make him feel alone... "I'm still right, he wo-" Chishiya started, getting ready to argue back and forth with you two until you finally gave into him. But that wasn't going to happen today.

"Is "you're right" really all you wanna hear right now?" You whimpered, sitting on your knees next to Niragi.

"Well, you're right, we should've walked away faster... should've know You would only break our hearts after we were already in love," You whispered. You were all hurt. Niragi had severe burns, and bullet wounds, Chishiya had bullet wounds as well. You had burns on your arms and legs, cuts and bruises adorned your (s/c) skin. Most of which Chishiya had caused when he put you in danger at games for his own gain. Or when he needed to test one of the weapons he made, you were his test subject. "Yeah, I guess I'm just not good enough for either of you then. All you two do is act scared of me like I'm the bad guy-"

"You're right, you aren't good enough," Niragi stated angrily, caughing up blood after. He winced in pain at the sudden movement. You felt tears fill your eyes, and shook them away. ''I kissed your scars even after you hurt me, and he held your hand, even when you fucking burned him-" you shouted angrily. "Do you know how embarrassing that was?" Niragi whispered, his voice hoarse and raspy.

"Oh, because it's all my fault?"

"Yeah! That's exactly what we're saying! When was the last time you actually tried acting like you liked us?"

''She's right. You agreed to be with us. This is just fucking embarrassing to be with somebody who hates us, and doesn't even try to hide it."

"I don't hate you two I-"

"Liar."

"We hoped things got better, we hoped that love could turn a monster into a man," you stated, getting angrier by him trying to defend himself. "But it doesn't and it won't

Because you're beyond repair

But there is still someone for her somewhere, who will treat her so nice, you'll wish that you did-" Niragi retorted to his words. He didn't hate you both? He sure did a horrible job at showing it. Niragi knew he would die with his injuries. You would live. You could find someone who would treat you better than either of them could. "For someone so smart you're so fucking stupid to think that we're really that dumb..." you interrupted Niragi. He was losing energy, and anytime he coughed you could tell it was so painful to him. "We love you, but we're done... Pretending this was gonna work... Pretending loving you didn't hurt... Pretending that it doesn't burn when you think you're always right..." Niragi ended. Those words were hard for him to say, and hard for you to realize. You three had just been pretending this was going to work after Chishiya started pushing you two away. You two tried so hard to stay with him, and tried so hard to fit all three of you together, that you didn't realize how much staying fucking hurt.

" 'Cause you're still stuck on your past...You hate him so much but you're just like your dad!!" You screamed, shouting the first thing that came to mind. It hurt him. That was a first. The first time someone's words hurt him. And you, (Y/N), his sweet (Y/N), said them. You could see the shock written all over his face when you said them, and it made you feel a bit bad. Niragi was secretly proud of you, but focused on the situation at hand. Tears feel from your eyes, and you cursed yourself. "(Y/N), I- I'm- I can't... I-" Chishiya stammered. For once, he was at a loss for words. You and Niragi had made him happy. He didn't feel alone with you two, and that scared him. So he tried to push you both away, scared of hurting either of you, but I'm the end, he hurt you more than he meant to. He tried, he really tried at the beginning, the feeling of being together with you two bringing him the feeling of love, understanding, and happiness he'd never felt. But he ruined that. He hurt himself in this instance, he hurt the people he loved, making them scared of him. He realized you were right. He was turning out to be just like his father. He didn't want that. He wanted to wake up, this was surely a nightmare. He would wake up and you would be squished in between him and Niragi. You would be playing with his hair, talking about your dream. You wouldn't be scared of him, and you would all be back at the beach. Like the 10 of hearts never happened. But he knew that was wishful thinking. This was real, and this was happening. Everything he used to laugh about people worrying about was happening to him right now. This was his karma. It had finally caught up to him.

"And I know, that you tried...Gave it all that you had," you whispered through tears. No. He couldn't let the one thing that made him happy slip through his fingers. But... he had to let you go. You wanted to leave. Niragi wanted to leave. It would be cruel to both of you to make you stay. So he stayed quiet. Did you really think he tried? That made him feel a tiny bit better. You thought he tried. That he tried to make things work. "And being a monster doesn't necessarily make you bad..." Niragi added quietly. He was a monster. The words he had said to not only you, but Niragi could back that up. Not just his words either. His actions. He was a horrible person to both of you. Why did he expect both of you to stay with him, when neither of you had anymore energy to put into the relationship.

"But...even if we could staple it back together now... we all know that you can't light a fire that's already burnt out," Chishiya whispered. You both looked up, shocked he was agreeing with you. Was he crying? Neither you nor Niragi had ever seen him cry. Niragi chuckled a bit, not at the fact that Chishiya was crying, but at the fact that this was what it took for him to care. "Fuck... it hurts," Chishiya muttered with a laugh. "My injuries hurt less than losing both of you... fuck... I-"

He was interrupted by a voice. The games were over. "Oh my gods... we can go home! I reject citizenship in the borderlands," you said. "Same. I don't want to stay here. Fuck that," Niragi stated. "I also reject citezenship of the borderlands. This is like a personal hell..." Chishiya muttered. A bright light obstructed your vision.

You walked on crutches into their hospital room with a smile. " 'M back!" You chirped. You had all been in an accident, as a lot of people that were currently in the hospital were. You didn't know why, but the seemed so familiar. You liked being around them, and constantly visited them. "Ah, finally a pleasant noise to hear," the blonde man complemented. You could hear the teasing tone directed towards the other man in the room. "I can't really help it can I? So... shaddup..." the other muttered. "My nurse told me... that my heart stopped... for a minute," you mentioned, sitting in a chair in between their beds careful to not hurt your legs more. They had burns and scars, nothing tho serious. "What a coincidence. Us too," Chishiya said. You nodded, humming in acknowledgement. "I um... I also... get released tomorrow..." you said sadly. "That's great (Y/N). You can head back to your home," Niragi said. You shook your head. "I wanna stay. I don't know why, but you two seem familiar to me. And... I want to know why... it feels like...I don't know how to explain it..." you stated. "I... I've felt that as well," Chishiya admitted. "Ok, good I'm not crazy then," Niragi joked, coughing slightly after. "Well... how about I come visit everyday until you both get released... then we can figure out why? Or get to know each other more? It feels like... I've loved you in a past life kinda thing. Silly of me to say, huh?" You giggled. "I think... we'd both enjoy that... and it's not silly, in fact, we've both been talking about it, and that's how we feel. About you, and each other. It's quite weird, I've never met either of you in my life. You're both rather attractive though," Chishiya said. Niragi snickered and you looked over at Chishiya, who's eats had turned red.

"I said that outloud, didn't I?"

"Yep."

"It's a good thing I find both of you attractive too, blondie."

"Hey, I think you're both cute too! Lemme join in on this!"

"Of course. Join in on it (Y/N)."

I couldn't let you guys be sad, I'm sorry-

Also, I'm going on a trip to Arizona this week, so there will probably not be many (or any) updates. Sorry, but I do hope you enjoy this!

[artificialqueens]

Gimme Love, 8/9 (Miz Cracker/Blair St Clair) - Grinder

AN: Oof! After this part, we have one more chapter. Things start to look a little bit better for Brie in this part of the story. Not completely, but she's getting there. Enjoy!

TW for this chapter: mental health mentions

2020

A week later, still no change on the Ed Sheeran thing. Launch day was just around the corner, and my nerves were wrecked. And Jujubee still hadn't spoken a word to me.

It was only morning time, and I hadn't even been awake for 5 minutes. Already so many things were playing in my mind.

I still hadn't reinstalled Messenger. So I had no idea whether Blair had replied or not. I really wanted to just forget about her already, but it was slow. I probably should have applied for counselling sessions with HR. I hired a lady a few years prior named Dela, and apparently, she was brilliant.

But therapy could wait until after the launch.

I had seen Jujubee at work a few more times, either making eye contact and looking away just as quick or trying to say hello at least. She'd just brush by.

I tried texting her but never received a reply. As much as she had pissed me off, I missed her. A lot.

"Hey, this is Jujubee. Leave a message."

Beep.

"Hey, Juju, it's me." I paused, struggling to figure out where to go from there, "Look, I...I know things are bad between you and me. But I...I don't want to lose you."

I couldn't think of what else to say.

'Please, talk to me?'

'You mean a lot to me.'

My silence was going on too long. "I...hope to see you at the prelaunch party...OK. Bye"

I hung up, burying my face in my pillow, feeling very pathetic. And because I was impatient, I thought to try reinstalling Messenger and try there.

Or was that too much? And did I really want to risk seeing a reply from a certain someone?

...Fuck it, I was doing it. I'd just ignore her. Yeah, I'd do that.

Blair: Wow. I didn't think…

I never clicked a message quicker. I sat up with my back against the headboard, eyes already reading the message.

Blair: Wow. I didn't think you'd actually reply! For sure, girl, we need to hang out! I'm in New York for two weeks anyway. Perfect timing, right? Give me a call as soon as you get this. TTYL.

"Oh my God." I let the phone slip into my lap. How was this real? How the fuck hadn't she found that message creepy? Were things starting to look up? I couldn't just leave her on read. It was sent last week, meaning she was still in New York.

Good. This was good.

But still, why didn't she address the confession to my feelings? Why was she avoiding the subject?

Sorry, you have to hear my innermost thoughts, all these questions. It just goes to show the whirlwind my head was experiencing.

Make a move, Brie.

My thumb hovered over the phone icon in the upper right corner. Do I just...do it?

Yes.

I clicked the button. It rang for a few seconds, the nerves telling me to just give up.

"Hello?"

Why the fuck do the people on the other end always say 'hello' like they didn't see who is calling them?

Why was I even thinking that?? Focus, Brie.

"Hi," I said.

"Wow, I didn't think you'd call." She sounded surprised.

"I'm sorry I keep doing this," I said too quickly. "Anyway, yes. Let's hang out."

There was a moment of silence, and I realised how panicked I sounded.

"Brianna, are you OK?" I heard the concern.

"What? Yeah! Of course, I am." I cleared my throat, "Just a bit...stressed out. Trying to...deal with this launch thingie and...deal with Ed Sheeran, I don't know," I laughed nervously before almost slapping some sense into myself, "I'm not majorly stressed out, though. I can still hang out."

She laughed. And fuck I realised just how much I missed it.

"You always made me laugh. You wanna grab a coffee?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Great! When are you free? I would say today, but I'm stuck with this thingie…" She replied.

And a thought hit me. "Actually... there's gonna be a party for my thing. It's for that project I told you about...back on Prom night, I don't know if you remember."

"Of course I do, Brie. I've been following all the media coverage. It's pretty awesome."

"You have been?" I sounded a little too excited and then reminded myself to not sound too desperate, "I mean, that's pretty cool. But yeah, there's a party the night before the launch. I could add you to the list."

"Yeah, of course! I'd love to come."

"Fantastic. I'll send you the details."

"Well, I'll leave you to it then."

"Thanks."

"I can't wait."

"Me too."

"Bye, Brianna."

"Bye, Blair."

She did the awkward half-spoken "bye, bye, bye," and hung up.

I threw my phone down onto my duvet and puffed out a breath of air.

"Yes!" I punched the air, "Yes. Fucking yes."

Shit was definitely looking up.

I found myself loading up my emails. "Dear Ed Sheeran, I appreciate your enthusiasm about participating in our project. However, after some thinking, we would love for you to perform at the event instead. This is strictly for your safety and the safety of everyone else. Sorry for the inconvenience. Kindest regards, Brianna Caldwell and team."

Sent. Easier than I thought.

No matter what the reply would be, I felt strong. Two problems down in less than ten minutes.

All that was left was Jujubee and Mom.

Fuck...the Mom problem.

It wasn't that I didn't love her. I adored the woman with all my heart. But I was still afraid of that recurring conversation, the memories of how I was a problem child. And if it wasn't that, it was my Grandpa.

Funny how those were always the recurring topics, things I didn't want to address. And now, on top of things, we were going to have to talk about Piggie's health.

I sent her money for his medical bills, so maybe things were different for him.

But still, the other topics of conversation I just wish we could avoid…If only there was something else to talk about...

Wait.

I stared at my phone and instantly became very still.

There was one subject that had gone unaddressed for so long - too long. Oh, God.

Half an hour later, I was in the kitchen, shaky hands pouring a cup of coffee. I couldn't call Mom immediately. I needed to will myself, build up my willpower.

After two cups, I found Mom's name in my phone book, hesitated to hit call but forced myself.

I breathed deeply, taking a seat at the breakfast counter and put the phone to my ear.

Ring...Ring...Ring...Ring…

She answered but was silent.

"Mom?" I spoke.

"Hey, honey." She sounded deflated.

"Did you get the money?" That was all I could think of to start with.

"Yeah. It's actually really helped. He's already showing improvement." She paused. "Thanks, baby."

It was painful how thankful she sounded, yet so miserable.

"Mom, I'm gonna come see you," I confirmed.

"Really?"

"Yeah." I smiled upon hearing how she lightened up. "I'm sorry about last week. My phone just...cut off, I guess."

I heard a sniff before she spoke again, "It's OK. When are you coming around?"

"Well, I got the launch this week, so maybe not now. How about 2 weeks?"

"Yeah, that's perfect. I have a job interview to prepare for anyway. I applied to this new boutique that opened in town. My interview is next week."

"That's great!" I was actually excited for her. Things weren't just looking up for me, it seemed. "I'm really happy for you."

"Yeah, me too. I'm not even nervous. Just ready to start working again. Anyway, how about you?"

"Actually, Mom…" I paused, squeezing my hand into a tight fist.

"What's wrong, Brianna?" She lowered her tone.

How did she know? I didn't even sound sad. Mothers intuition? Because I always thought that was bullshit. Like, if I was a Mom, I'd be the worst in picking up on things.

"You there?" Mom asked.

"Yeah, I just…" I licked my lips and swallowed. "Mom. Why was I adopted?" I sighed. "Why did they give me up, Mom?"

She was silent for a moment. I could practically feel how she turned cold. "It's time, isn't it?"

I nodded, not that she would see, "Yeah. I...I need to know."

"OK...How about we talk about that when you come here?" She asked.

"No. I...wanna know. I need to know." My voice cracked. "Or I won't be able to move on."

She's silent again…just for a moment. And I felt like I crossed a line.

But she spoke. I hadn't crossed any line.

"OK...Brianna? I just want you to know that I love you, and I always will. No matter what, I'll never stop loving you." Her own voice was cracking now. "When you came into my life, I never realised I could be so happy, how I felt when I met you. You were this...little light that brightened the dark...a reminder that life wasn't so bad. And I promised I'd give you the best life. I'd be the best parent you'd ever have." She paused again. And I knew she was crying. "Brie, it wasn't that your parents didn't want you. I'm sure they knew that they would have been the luckiest parents in the world." She was crying. "Brie. They...they went for a drive one night. And it was raining really bad. And they…"

She was silent. But I nodded slowly, my eyes just staring at the counter, glassy with tears. "I-I understand."

"I'm sorry, baby." She whimpered. "I should have told you this years ago. I...I didn't know it would affect you for this long. I'm such an idiot."

I held my forehead in my hand. "No. No, Mom. You're not. You had no idea." I sniffed.

"I know. I know. But I just...I...How do you tell a child something like that?"

"Don't worry about that, you idiot. I know now." One of the tears finally slid down my cheek. "I love you, Mom."

"I love you too, Brianna."

I smiled, wiping the tear away. And then a quiet laugh escaped. "OK, I can't lie. I don't wanna leave you like this right now. Let's talk some shit or something."

She laughed in return. "God, you and your potty mouth."

[transsexualhamlet]

abawnegi;oh;ahweig;!!!! TYSM!!

1: What’s your favourite fic that you’ve written (or what’s one you want to hype up?) hmmm. Man. You cant just ask me what my favorite fic ever is. Every single time I write a new fic all my old fics are Shit

2: What’s your favourite fic title that you’ve come up with? I'm not super great with names tbh and either its going to be Ridiculous or describes some emotion which im going to write to death in it, I think "kureto is going to kill them for this" was pretty funny. But I'm kind of tempted to say the fic I'm working on right now lol it's just called "Osamu Dazai Is Dead" i feel like that speaks for itself lol

3: How do you get inspiration to write? I also get it a lot from music, but a lot of the times it's just from bouncing headcanons and observations and ideas and problems with the canon to my friends. Sometimes we can just come up with an idea and just build and build on it and that then becomes the thing that I write. I love my friends we say such dumb shit

4: What’s your favourite genre/subgenre of fic to write? I feel like it's pretty evident that I'm an angst writer. It's pretty much always angst with a happy ending or at least a satisfying ending, but I write fic to rip people's hearts out or to show them that this is the point that they're making about Life look at it look at it look at it. If I were to look at all of my ao3 works, I can't really think of a single one that isnt at least in part angst. My longfics are not all angst, but like. There's plenty of it in there.

5: Do you have other hobbies? Of course!! I also draw and do theatre, you know. That's pretty much it, other than Participating In Fandom and Writing but yeah I do enjoy being the center of attention

6: What’s a fun fact about you that a lot of people may not know?

I don't really have much to say about my general life, but when it comes to writing here's something that people who ARENT my irls dont know. Everyone who's around me in person for very long is very clear about this. I write on paper, I get those fancy little journal books and I write in them before typing anything! Mostly I do that so I can be able to write even when im in a situation where I don't have my laptop with me. But it also makes me actually look through my writing after finishing it and going though the motions of making a second draft so I don't just slap something together and then throw it out into the world like that. But just because I write on paper does not make my handwriting good!! It is actually straight up illegible to anyone but me!! Like I am Known within my school for having the STRAIGHT UP WORST HANDWRITING KNOWN TO MAN and I developed that on purpose because i didnt want people to see my dumb little anime fanfiction when i was in middle school. I also used to write in like. 1 point font. Like physically with a pencil my handwriting was so small it looked like tiny dots to everyone else

7: Pick one character to self-project onto?

Oh man I project onto every character I write for, and I would say Dazai, but to be honest I feel like he's rubbing off on me instead of the other way around, that's probably not good. The character who I really did just give my entire gender, sexuality, neurodivergencies, mental illnesses, and everything else was my favorite white boy james bonde. I've never projected onto someone harder in my entire life!!

8: What’s your favourite genre of music? I don't know what genre any of the music I listen to is??? It's just??? Good noise!! I think that it's just modern rock but I know nothing about music. I like it when the people make the good noise with good lyrics

9: Who’s your favourite singer/band? That's honestly a pretty hard question now I have no clue at this point but ummmm i would die for will wood and that is obvious from my choice in favorite characters

10: How has your experience in fandom been?

I mean, mostly good?? I'm glad I waited to join internet fandom until I was like, in high school pretty much, because the internet sincerely did not need middle school me. I'm sure it would have been much worse if I had been allowed on there earlier. But by the time I really got out there, I've been actually pretty successful- I get joy out of people liking my stuff, I know how to deal with stuff, not that much drama comes my way, and people like to see what I think. I've made a lot of friends. I think the most annoying Fandom Thing that's still happening with me is the youtube comments section of that fucking bond amv that still keeps getting dumbass replies. Generally I don't regret it at all and even though everyone might not like all my stuff and I might not like everyone elses, it's been really good.

Tagging: @tg-headcanons @electrick-indigo @therealdevilape go wild go crazy!!!

Interview an Author Tag Game

Thank you @bonsaiiiiiii for the tag!

I'm going to tag @bravo-four-seal-team @sarafinatheasassin @kenirubes and @chaotictransmess because I love y'all and your works so much

1: What’s your favourite fic that you’ve written (or what’s one you want to hype up?) The Sleeping Prince! It’s ongoing rip to my old laptop, I miss you but each chapter focuses on a different character from Yuukoku no Moriarty and how they are dealing with Liam’s “death.” It’s a massive challenge, with it being angst, but I’m loving working on it.

2: What’s your favourite fic title that you’ve come up with? Ooh… probably John Tracy and The Case of The Bathtub

3: How do you get inspiration to write? Music, mainly! If I come across a song with a bit of a story, chances are I might try to spin a fic on it. Such as The Sleeping Prince, which is based from a song called The Sleeping Princess and is mighty cute

4: What’s your favourite genre/subgenre of fic to write? Supposedly, it’s fluff. Although, if you were to look at my recent pieces, you’d probably be inclined to say angst…

5: Do you have other hobbies? I absolutely love baking, especially brownies and crumbles. I do also love playing Animal Crossing, and going rollerblading

6: What’s a fun fact about you that a lot of people may not know? I dropped out of uni after completing two full years of education… to start a brand new degree at a completely different university on the opposite side of the country. I’m actually moving into accommodation on Friday and I am excited!

7: Pick one character to self-project onto? I refuse to pick one Albert and Louis! Louis has self-esteem issues, looks cute and fluffy when he can kill you, wears glasses, and needs a lot of validation and reassurance from others, while Albert is a whore™ who can act outgoing as fuck even if he has serious depression and needs a bloody massive hug

8: What’s your favourite genre of music? Rock! Whether it’s in English or Japanese, as long as it sounds good, you can bet that I’ll be bopping along to it

9: Who’s your favourite singer/band? Idlewild! I go through so many phases of liking bands/singers, but Idlewild is the one group I always return to… and they’re the only band I’ve seen live!

10: How has your experience in fandom been? Surprisingly chill! I’ve somehow swerved fandom drama in literally every fandom I’ve been in... it makes for the good life, ya know? It also means that my blog is generally safe for others in the community :D

[thewishingcap]

Hello. I noticed in the section titled "about fleets" that you are an INTJ. I am an INTP and I'm interested in what it's really like to be an INTJ, since of course the stereotypes aren't very accurate and the testing sites don't always get the full picture. Also, if you can, could you please list what you think the types would be for the characters you write about (besides Vaati)

Hi there anon!

(this… this turned out to be super long. I’m self absorbed apparently. aha)

Hmmm. What it’s like to be me huh. I’ve taken the test at least 5 times spread out across years and I’ve always only scored INTJ and agree with a lot of the descriptions haha. It uh… it kind of makes me sound like an ass. And I guess I am, and I’ve said that before, but I got comments telling me people didn’t believe me. But I’m an ass, and, well, more on that on the last few paragraphs but first: 

I think the part that struck me the most when reading the descriptions of INTJ was that we don’t think things are impossible. Nothing is impossible to achieve, though some things might be difficult. It’s not straight up idealism, just… I guess a sort of arrogant logical truth. If I can’t achieve something, it’s because I was lazy, or didn’t think the effort to get there is worth the result (like, if I really wanted to be an astronaut I could find some way to do it. Going to space sounds totally cool, but would I actually expend effort in it? Well, no, given that my baseline capability, my financial situation, and my mental health among other things… i wouldn’t be able to reasonably handle it. But possible? With enough time? Absolutely. Or I want to be a pro basketball player even though I don’t have the height for it? Will it be hard to succeed? Well hells yeah I’m starting with a disadvantage that I have no control over that other people don’t have to deal with. But impossible? Not if I try hard enough and take advantage of every advantage I could possibly find). 

… not saying people should agree with me on the above, but that’s just my approach to life in general and served me well so far. 

I guess the most important idea to me is that, if I’m not doing something, it’s not because of some outside forces that I wasn’t able to do it. It’s because I actively chose not to do it. It brings the responsibility of both my successes and failures onto me, alone, and even if it sucks sometimes I like the concept. 

And telling me I can’t do something is absolutely the way to get me to think of a way to do that very thing. 

I like rules. I like logic. I don’t like making situational rules that have no basis of fairness. I enjoy seemingly illogical contradictions that still, on some level, follow some kind of rule (even random-seeming characters that I write still have their own personal rules that make sense to them). I also like situations with loopholes that aren’t explicitly covered in the rules (kind of going back to point 1… sometimes solutions are there if you’re creative enough or a dick enough to find them. Does it seem fair? Not always. Is it fair? Absolutely, according to the rules, and I expect the rest to adhere to the same kind of dickery because it’s equally available to all, not just myself). 

Also I don’t do social. At least, I only do it on my own terms. Invite me to a party I hadn’t planned, and I’ll probably bail. I almost always have some kind of schedule on when I’m doing what, and for how long, and I tend to plan this days or even weeks in advance (and because these don’t include social hangouts, usually, unless I was the one to plan it, accepting these invitations tend to give me more stress than anything). Another thing I agree with the profiling: I’m unapologetically blunt, to both strangers and friends alike, if they do something I’m not fly with. People might get butthurt but they know where I stand.

One thing I disagree with on most of the descriptions from INTJ tests is that they often say INTJs ‘think carefully before they speak,’ or ‘are intelligent,’ or ‘present carefully constructed thought out answers to questions.’ I don’t see myself as any of these things. I usually say the first dum thing that comes to my head. 

Last… I’m highly critical, of myself and, I hate to say it, of others. Most folks on tumblr see my self-critical side, since I often lament about stuff I could have done better and my uh… cringe… regarding the stories I wrote that I once thought was passable. I can’t honestly let myself say “I love what I did, it’s perfect and great,” because I can always think of something I could have done better? But I don’t say this in any negative way, just… recognizing it as truth by logic, and self reflection so I can do even better the next time. 

I adhere to others’ works with the same critical eye, which tends to bite me in the butt. Usually if no one personally asks me for help on improvement, I’ll leave it alone. They’re having fun and having a good time, I won’t ruin that: I know my own self-critique is always on High Mode that’s probably not reasonable and maybe a little too harsh, and even if I welcome that myself not everyone does. All of what I said so far, above, I only hold myself to unless…

If they ask for help…? If they lament that they want their situation to change? That’s when I’ll bring that criticism mode on high, what I have set for myself. And… sometimes people are shocked my critique went from 0 to 100 in under 2 seconds. Case in point, had a student who wrote really good assignments for the level of the class. Good grammar, good ideas, thoughtfully written etc. The class wasn’t particularly hard, and it was a first year class so it was more about giving students the confidence to move forward, and while I wrote some comments about improvement here and there, I didn’t ink the entire page red. That scares them. And it’s unnecessary inking for such a small assignment.Same student asked me to proof her personal essay for an application. Now, I knew this application was extremely important, and also part of a very difficult admissions process to which I knew the major folks who would be making the decisions. She asked my help, I want her to succeed, I know how to get her to succeed because by now I know the ins and outs of the admission committee. What do I do? I ink the entire essay top to bottom in red, everything I could possibly think of that could improve. 

She didn’t take that well at all, and probably expected a review that had been more or less what I’d given on the class assignments (but, to me, a 15 minute 1 page weekly assignment is not on the same scale as a 5+ hour 2 page admissions essay). Didn’t bother fixing what I suggested she fix, and what do you know she doesn’t get admitted, and she sends me back an email saying she doesn’t know how she possibly couldn’t have been admitted when she had straight As and good rec letters. Seeing people fail when they could have succeeded, especially when they didn’t do everything I feel they could have done to elevate their chances of success… and they still complain about their situation after the fact <— I tend to judge them extremely hard, and will distance myself from these people because watching them is too frustrating. It’s like being forced to listen to someone complain that they’re too cold and they’re dying when they’re sitting outside in the snow… and the warm house is 1 foot away. You get the idea.

And that’s why I’m an ass. I had a friend describe me saying that I have a problem with putting myself and others on a “pedestal of perfection.” I’m chill on a lot of things, but that’s only because I don’t find a lot of things important to me. If I look like I’m chill about something, that’s probably why - I just can’t be bothered to try my very best bc it’s not very high on my own scale of importance (also p chill towards others’ shenanigans unless i have a personal stake in whatever it is they’re doin’). In line with that, I’m good at admitting and accepting losses. I tend to make a hierarchy of things that are important, and I’ll let go of the ones on the bottom of my list even if there’s an initial sting to do so. I’ll get over it. 

I’m all about efficiency. Expending the least effort for maximum payout.

The few things that are important, I have zero chill (group projects I have zero chill), and will unintentionally drag people down to my own personal hell of zero-chill when that was never what they wanted. My hyperfocus is real and you can sometimes see it when I post 5 chapter updates in the span of 5 days >_>;;;

ahahaaaa sorry this got out of control anon. When you say characters aside from Vaati, were you thinking of OCs or other characters I’ve written in stories, or my opinion on canon characters in general?