#ana-net

[warrenwoodhouse]

Warren Woodhouse on Piczo

Do any of you remember when Piczo was popular, because I definitely do. In fact, my website was one of the many still active on the last day that Piczo (also known as Funtigo) finally closed its servers and their office doors. The sad part is that not many sites were archived. Mine have already moved from Piczo in 2010 to my Webs website, which Webs closed its servers to new members in 2022. Good news is that my sites are currently being slowly integrated into my Tumblr blog, along with the original pages, widgets and the like. It’s taking time and redevelopment but that doesn’t mean my sites are lost. They have now evolved into my Tumblr blog, which you guys all seem to like. Nothing has changed then. What sites did I own on Piczo? Well, that’s what I’m about to list for you all below:

My Sites

798

warrenwoodhouse

woodhouseproductions

woodhousegames

therealtruecrimenyc

truecrime-nyc

798-1

798-2

798-3

798-4

Acquired Sites

confesions-

t-codes

the-music-codes

zone

pros

albasearch

punkprincezznita

ana-net

[hyeahjujutsu]

❤ JUJUTSU KAISEN 150x150 ICONS ❤ feel free to use them!!

[bugunbirazleylayim]

Sevgili insanlar,

Hayatınızdaki mutsuzluğu çaresizliği ve özgüven eksikliğini dünyaya getirdiğiniz çocuklardan çıkaracaksınız lütfen üremeyin!!!

[woso-dreamzzz]

Second Time's The Charm XI

Alexia Putellas x Reader

Summary: An old face watches a match

She wasn't as young as she once was.

Teaching hadn't originally been her first choice as a job but after finishing school and spending a few years bored senseless as a receptionist, at age twenty-five, she'd made the change to teaching children in their first year of school.

Now, twenty-five years later, she was getting older and her students seemed to be just as wild and excitable as they always had been.

This school trip hadn't exactly been planned by the school, not fully anyway but a generous donation from who knows where had her and a few other teachers taking a three classes of wiggling and excited five year olds to a home match for the Barcelona women's team.

"Let's get to our seats now," She says, trying to get everyone in her class seated and happy but it's like trying to fight a group of wet cats - a losing battle.

"Miss, he pushed me!"

"Miss, I want to sit with my friends!"

"Miss, I can't find my bracelet!"

"Miss, my Mami gave me spending money!"

"Miss!"

"Miss!"

"Miss!"

She sighs to herself, rattling off instructions in a way that only a practiced teacher could.

"Lucas, stop pushing people. We use our nice hands with people. Isabella, you can sit next to your friends if there's space. Ana, your bracelet got put into your bag. Pedro, spending money can be used at half time. Now, everyone needs to sit down or else they won't start the match!"

It takes a little while to get all the kids settled and she briefly thinks about how this would be a hell of a lot easier if the school had more people who could chaperone.

It's a fleeting thought because she knows she can't do anything about it now but still, it would be nice.

Nice like it is now to watch one of her old students walk out as one of the most well known footballers not only in Spain but the world as well.

Alexia Putellas, the captain of Barcelona, leads her team out - head held high and back straight. A far cry from the little girl that used to slump in her seat in class and cry when someone took her ball at breaktime.

There weren't many students that she remembered so well - a handful that have ended up in politics, one that somehow ended up at the UN and one whose arrest made national news.

But Alexia was one of the good ones, helpful and polite most of the time.

She can remember though, with startlingly clarity the second day of classes.

It had been her second day as a teacher ever and she'd been supervising the playground at lunch when Alexia had appeared and dragged her off.

She'd dragged her all the way to the slide where you'd been waiting.

"You have to marry us, Miss," Alexia had said, eyes wide and incredibly earnest," We want to get married."

"Er..."

"You have to, miss," You'd joined in," Because we're in love and my Papa always said that people in love get married."

She'd been speechless then but still done as you and Alexia said, a little charmed by those two little girls begging to be married under the slide.

Alexia was easy to follow now, her exploits known throughout the country on and off the pitch. You'd faded though and your old teacher wasn't quite sure where you'd ended up.

Likely something successful and important.

Even as a little girl, you'd had a good work ethic. Work before play, always, was something you'd abided by.

She could see you as something important now. Your parents were doctors, she's pretty sure, so maybe you followed in their footsteps.

It would suit you, she thinks as she watches Alexia slam the ball into the net for a third time today.

Barcelona wins.

But that's entirely to be expected.

What isn't expected though, is for the staff from the team to invite the classes down onto the pitch to meet the players.

"Carlos, don't run! Mia, don't yell over someone! Lucas, again! Stop pushing people! Everyone will get a turn!"

"Some things never change then."

She turns with a smile. "Alexia."

"Hi, Miss."

"You don't have to call me that anymore."

Alexia's brow wrinkles. "What else would I call you? You've always been my teacher."

"You're an adult now, Alexia. You don't have to call me that anymore if you don't want to."

"But I do. Is that alright?"

"That's okay. So long as you want to."

Alexia beams, the same big smile she had as a five year old when she would come to the desk with a picture she drew of herself in the Barcelona kit.

It's still strange to see that exact image in real life.

"I'd like to introduce you to one of my daughters. This is Maya."

"She's beautiful."

"Mi Amor is just changing our other daughter. They'll be out in a minute."

"It's nice to see that you're doing so well. A good job. A nice family."

"We have dogs too! And my wife's old cat! She built me a house, you know? My wife, that is. Not her cat."

It's nice to see that Alexia's word vomit from her childhood hadn't changed much either. She was so stoic and quiet most of the time but any topic that drew her interest could be (and would be) talked about for hours at a time.

"That's nice to hear, Alexia."

"And we bought a villa in Greece for our next holiday! And I bought her this nice matching bracelet and necklace set! But! You can't tell her because it's going to be a surprise!"

"A special occasion?"

Alexia looks affronted at the idea. "I don't need a special occasion to show my wife how much I love her! Just my love!" She turns, glancing over her shoulder and her whole face lights up. "Oh! Amor, you're back! Look, Miss Rivera is here!"

Miss Rivera looks over to the tunnel where you have emerged from, a babbling baby on your hip and a rock of a ring on your hand.

"Oh, hi, Miss!"

She sighs. "I told Alexia that you two don't need to call me that anymore."

You frown. "But you've always been our teacher. What else would we call you?"

"Miss, this is our new baby Elena." Alexia puffs out her chest proudly. "My wife gave birth to her. Doesn't she look good for giving birth a few months ago?"

You slap her on the shoulder before pressing a kiss to where you just slapped. "Don't listen to her, Miss. She'll take any excuse to talk about it."

Alexia nods solemnly. "It was very scary because there were complications but she's doing so well now. Both Elena and my wife. Right, Amor? She's a doctor, you know. Very successful."

Again, Alexia seems to preen like a peacock as if you being so successful and so smart brought her such pride.

"You've both been very successful," Miss Rivera says," I'm so proud. A long way from that marriage under the slide, huh?"

You grin, intertwining your fingers with Alexia's.

"But still married."

[hellvst]

OFFSEASON – quinn hughes

featuring ; quinn hughes x fmc (sydney gray) & oc!brother (simon gray)

summary ; quinn hughes and simon gray can never work together as teammates on the ice. after blowing the canucks' ticket to the conference finals, both of them are put in a mandatory offseason cross-training program in pilates. there's one problem, their instructor was sydney gray, simon's sister. not only does quinn have to spend his entire summer with the person he loathed, but also his sister who was completely off-limits. things got complicated once simon steps out of the picture–but the more time they spent together, the harder it was to stay away.

warnings & content ; the striker but make it hockey, trainer, former figure skater, teammate's sister fmc, trainer-to-friends-to-situationship-to-lovers (i think? lol), explicit nsfw, fluff, angst, hurt/comfort, slow burn, brother's kinda a douche to quinn, and explicit language, more to add.

dual pov ; quinn and sydney

song ; safety net by ariana grande

etc ; playlist & face-claim (dekota thompson)

a/n ; first ever fic on tumblr, spare me and pls be kind! also note that what i write is purely fiction, therefore most things didn't actually happen irl. the portrayal of these characters/people in this fic isn't how they are portrayed in irl either, just for the sake of this story. this is also inspired by ana huang's book the striker, basically the hockey version my own with my own twist. masterlists and more links will be available soon! thank you!

table of contents;

chapter one

chapter two

chapter three

chapter four

chapter five

chapter six

more coming soon!

all rights reserved © 2025 hellvst. please do not copy, translate, or modify my works in any platform.

[anakinca]

hum... anakin taking care of us after we get sick.. would our dear nina be willing to write that..🤔

—❝safety net❞

anakin skywalker x reader

tw ; nothing, just pure fluff

a/n ; i was literally giggling and kicking my feet while i wrote this it was so fucking CUTE. i hope you all enjoy this, angels <3

THE STARS ARE COVERED BY THE DARK, RAIN FILLED CLOUDS THAT COVER THE SKY. The rainstorm outside raged on, drumming against the windows of your flat like the echo of a distant battle, but inside, the bedroom was a haven of warmth and comfort. The soft glow of the bedside lamps bathed everything in a dim, golden hue—from the tissues scattered across the bed, to the steaming bowl of soup resting on the nightstand. You sat bundled in the thickest blankets Anakin could find, your cheeks flushed with a fever and a faint pout on your lips. "I'm not sick," you sniffled stubbornly, though the congestion in your voice betrayed your words. You coughed into your fist, trying to look composed despite the obvious evidence to the contrary. "I don’t know what you’re talking about." Anakin arched an eyebrow, the corners of his mouth quirking up in that half-smirk you both loved and dreaded. "Sure, you’re not," he drawled, his voice low and teasing, but laced with concern. With practiced ease, he scooped up a spoonful of soup, holding it up to your lips with a quiet but insistent, "Here. Eat." You hesitated, only for him to nudge the spoon closer, his ocean eyes narrowing in mock impatience. "Don’t make me use the Force to get you to take this," he teased, though his voice softened as he added, "Please, angel." You took the spoonful reluctantly, earning a satisfied nod from him. "See?" He said, setting the bowl aside momentarily. "I told you not to go running around in the rain without an umbrella, but no, you had to have your dramatic holo-movie moment." He rolled his eyes playfully, a sigh escaping him as he handed you a mug of steaming tea next, his touch lingering on your fingers as he passed it to you. "And now look at you. Feverish, sniffling, and your nose is running faster than a podracer on Tatooine." You couldn’t help the small laugh that bubbled out of you, even though it ended in a cough. Peeking up at him, you tilted your head and gave him your best wide-eyed, pleading look. "I won’t do it next time," you murmured, your voice soft and guilt-tinged. "Don’t be mad at me, Ani." He sighed, the sound heavy with feigned exasperation, though his expression betrayed nothing but affection and utter love for you. Sitting down beside you, he cupped your cheek with his gloved hand, his thumb brushing lightly over your fever-warmed skin. "Mad at you?" He repeated, his voice almost a whisper. "I could never be mad at you, my love. You could crash my starfighter into the Jedi Temple, and I’d still think the stars hung in your eyes. And you know how much I love my ship." You laughed weakly, leaning into his touch as warmth spread through your chest—not just from the soup, but from the way his love wrapped around you like a safety net. "Now, finish your soup," he said, his voice firmer but still impossibly gentle. "And then sleep. You need to rest if you’re going to get better." You nodded, obediently finishing the last of the soup before sinking deeper into the blankets. As he stood to take the bowl away, you mumbled through a yawn, "I’ll sleep, but you better not eat the last jogan fruit. That’s mine." Anakin chuckled, shaking his head as he crouched back down beside you, his gloved fingers brushing a stray lock of hair from your face. "I wouldn’t dare," he said, his voice soft with adoration. "Anything for you, my little troublemaker." “You’re the one calling me a troublemaker?” You murmured in a teasing tone as your eyelids grew heavier. He let out a small huff of a laugh, choosing to ignore your comment as he pulled the blankets over you more. As the rain continued its soothing rhythm outside, you drifted into sleep, comforted by his presence. Anakin stayed by your side a moment longer, watching your peaceful expression with a fond smile before pressing a feather-light kiss to your forehead.

"Sweet dreams, my love," he whispered, his voice a gentle promise. Then, as you dozed off, he thought of the bowl of jogan fruits sitting on the kitchen counter—with only one left inside—and smirked. For you, he’d leave it untouched—though he was already planning a trip to the market tomorrow to buy you an entire stash. Anything to see that smile on your face again.

@thesassypadawan @anakinstwinklebunny @sydkneez @dessxoxsworld @nikiloveshayden @sweetcheesecakesblog

let me know if you'd like to be added or removed from the tag list, angels <3

[yamumsyadadd]

the forgotten girl (6)

originally posted on my old account :)

As the clocked clicked closer to the time I needed to leave, the more anxious I got. This would be the first time in Barca colours and the first time on a game sheet in three and a half years.  

Keira had picked me up and taken me to the stadium, she wanted to make sure I didn’t ’run away’, the vibes in the locker room were amazing. Everyone singing and dancing, after a while they started to stop. The music got turned down and everyone started their pre game rituals. I did not have any. Never really did to be honest. I was ready after 5 minutes and decided to just watch everyone else. 

I’m not exactly sure when things started to get overwhelming, but they did. Slowly but surely my breathing increased, my heart rate too. Next was the sweaty hands and the leg bouncing. Jona had come in for the pre game talk, followed by Irene and Alexia. I tried to listen, but I couldn’t. 

“Amelia? Are you ok?” Looking up I realised everyone had left, expect for me and AMC. 

“Hmm? Oh yeah no I’m fine thanks Ana! Just taking it all in you know. I’ll meet you out there?” 

The thought of walking out there and warming up was really making me panic. So many people, so many cameras, so many questions. 

“Mil! Hey mil look at me. Focus on my breathing. You’re okay.” Alexia. 

“I- I can’t do t-this ale. I can’t.” 

“You can Mil. You belong out there. You belong on this team. You’re the best mil. Trust what I am saying.” 

It look a bit but my breathing slowly calmed down. The tears on my face were dry but my eyes were puffy, a tell tale sign I was crying. I was already exhausted and I hadn’t even stepped foot on the pitch yet. This was going to be a long day. 

“Okay, let’s go.” 

As Alexia and I walked out, the crowd cheered. Most likely for their Reina but I could hear a few people yelling out my name. She gave my arm a squeeze before we separated and started warming up. 

Before I know it, it’s time to start. I go to the bench with the rest of the bench players and the starters go into the tunnel. As they all line up, Kei sends me a smile and a wink. 

The game starts slowly, Sociedad flood their defence with players so getting a shot off is difficult. In the 13th minute Lucy sends a cross in the finds the head of Alexia and lands in the back of the net. By half time, Alexia has a hat trick, Salma has a brace and Caro has scored too. It’s 6-0 going into the break. 

True to his word, Jona subs me in at the 60th minute mark, taking Salma off. As I run into position, Keira stops me. 

“Show them how great you are.”

That was all I needed. Playing with my best mate was surreal. I felt guilty for being so happy but I wouldn’t let everyone see that. It took a few minutes to get settled into the game but once I was, it was like I never stopped. With Alexia, Keira and Aitana in the mid field, the ball was continually fed through on a silver platter. The first opportunity to score was when the Sociedad goalie had dropped the ball, it bounced away from her and I was able to capitalise. The ball hit the back of the net and the girls surrounded me. 

A few minutes before the end of the game, I was running down the left wing, Alexia slightly in front and Keira directly beside me, a dirty tackle from a Sociedad player sent me flying. One set of cleats went straight into my ankle, the other on my calf. It fucking hurt, trying to bury my face into the grass to get myself to calm down, I hear Lucy and Keira running up. Right as they get to me the Real Sociedad player screams at me. 

“It’s your fault she’s dead. Remember that. You did this.” That’s when all hell breaks loose. Before the words settle in my brain, Keira shoves her over, the player is quick to get back up, shoving Keira, then Lucy rugby tackles her to the ground. Suddenly all 21 players are fighting, the refs are doing the best they can, Irene and Marta are trying to pull Lucy up. 

“For fuck sake that’s ENOUGH.” My voice is hoarse from the silent tears. 

I gently pushed the physios off me, wincing slightly as I put pressure on it. 

“Are you calling the game?” I asked the main ref. 

“No”

“Okay, can we get on with it then?” A large amount of cards were given out. Lucy, Keira, Claudia, Patri, AMC, Mapi, Ingrid and Alexia all received one, as did 7 of the Sociedad players. What a debut. 

After 5 minutes the game ended. I left the field, not bothering to shake hands or talk to the managers. The words playing over and over in my mind. Was it my fault? Am I the reason Emily was dead? Who the fuck is that player? Breathing got harder and harder, my vision became blurry and I could feel my heart beating, it was almost painful. I needed to get out of here, to go home. 

This was all a mistake. 

I tried to hurry to pack my things up, but the blurry vision from my tears was making it difficult. I could hear loud yelling and cleats on the ground making their way to me. I knew who it would be and I didn’t want anyone to see me like this. It was all too much. 

“Mil. Mil! Amelia stop!” It wasn’t until Keira’s hand was holding my arm that I stopped. I needed to leave. 

“Get out.” No one moved, waiting in horror. “Everyone get OUT!” Alexia’s captain voice sounded through the locker room then suddenly everyone was out. It was just the three of us. 

“Talk to me Milly.”

“Did I - did I get her killed? Was it because of me that she’s dead?” 

“What! No! Amelia listen to me, none of it was your fault. What happened to Emily and to you, was not your fault. Do you understand me?” 

All I could do was nod my head. “Can I help you shower? Then I’ll take you back to mine okay?” 

“Okay” 

Keira lead me to the showers, making sure to grab my toiletries and a towel. Slowly she helped take off my clothes, asking along the way for each item. As she got to my shirt, she asked again, I nodded and squeezed my eyes shut. Only Alexia had seen the scars. I could hear her breathing hitch and sniffling. She was crying. She didn’t say anything and neither did I. After helping to wash my hair, she left me to do my body by myself. 

“Is she ok?” Irene asked, the team was slowly making their way back in. 

“No. If you could just wait a minute before you shower. She doesn’t want anyone to see her scars.” They all nodded in understanding. Not once had they seen me change, always going into the stalls. The scars were my biggest insecurity. 

“She shouldn’t be alone tonight” 

“She won’t be Ale. I will take her to mine and she’ll stay with me for a bit.” 

I was exhausted. I couldn’t stand any longer and with a thud, I landed on the floor, my Shampoo and conditioner went crashing. This caused Keira and Alexia to run in. Keira worked fast, turning off the water and helping me up, wrapping a towel around me. Alexia stood there, frozen. Eyes stuck on the scars that littered my torso. Keira looked at me, fresh tears running down my face, then back at alexia. 

“Ale, I know you want to stay but you need to get out” Keira spoke so incredibly softly to her. It was hurting them both to see me like this. I knew that but I couldn’t stop it. After she dried and dressed me, she ushered me through the locker room. Not stopping to talk to anyone or grab our bags. 

The car driving lulled me to sleep. The subtle vibration and warmth was all I needed. Kei woke me up when we got to her apartment and helped me out of the car. She held me right the entire way up, almost as if she was scared I’d break or run away. She guided me through to her room, putting me straight under the covers and climbing in the other side. She held me as I cried, whispering sweet words into my ear, after a while I fell asleep. I wouldn’t wake until morning. 

[woso-story]

The Break Up - Part Three

Ingrid Engen x Mapi Leon - Other Parts

November had arrived, and with it, the two most anticipated matches of the Women’s Champions League group stage. Both Lyon and Barcelona had dominated their first two games, securing easy wins against their other group opponents. But now, the real test awaited them. These next two matches would decide who topped the group. More than that, they meant that Ingrid and Mapi would finally see each other again.

The first game was in Lyon. The moment Barcelona’s flight was scheduled, Mapi felt a constant unease settle inside her. It wasn’t a long journey—just an hour and a half by plane—but it felt like an eternity. How had they let this happen? How had they gone from spending every waking moment together to this? A flight so short, a distance so manageable, yet it might as well have been an ocean separating them. They could have made it work, met somewhere in the middle, fought for each other. But they had let it slip through their fingers.

Alexia sat beside her best friend on the flight, noticing how tense Mapi was, how lost she looked. Mapi had never been the same since Ingrid left. There was no Mapi without Ingrid. Everyone had seen it from the start—Ingrid wasn’t just another girlfriend, another fleeting romance. She was Mapi’s everything.

Alexia had always kept an eye on her teammates, ensuring nothing disrupted the team’s chemistry. That’s why she had told Mapi to stop hooking up with teammates after what had happened with Ana—it had created tension, and tension was dangerous in a team. But Ingrid had been different. From the beginning, Alexia had seen the way they looked at each other, the way Ingrid grounded Mapi, softened her rough edges. It had been something real, something beautiful. And now? Mapi was just a shell of who she used to be.

But it wasn’t just Mapi who was affected. Ingrid’s absence had left a hole in the whole team. Frido had lost her best friend. Esmee and Kika had lost a protective figure. Aitana had lost a sister. Alexia herself had lost a friend, someone she deeply respected. Since the breakup, they hadn’t spoken much. She missed the calm presence of the Norwegian. And Mapi? Mapi missed everything.

When they landed in Lyon, they went straight to their hotel. Later in the evening, they had the usual pre-match visit to the stadium. Ingrid was already there, walking onto the pitch with some of her Lyon teammates when she suddenly heard her name being screamed.

“Ingrid!”

Before she could react, Esmee had thrown herself at her, nearly knocking her over. Ingrid laughed, holding the Dutchwoman close as Esmee babbled excitedly about how much she had missed her. Then came Frido, wrapping her arms around Ingrid in a tight hug, and soon more of her old teammates followed, exchanging greetings, jokes, and quick catch-ups.

Alexia and Mapi stood a little distance away, watching the reunion unfold. Mapi clenched her jaw, her fingers digging into her palms. She wanted to run to Ingrid, to hold her, to hear her voice up close. But she didn’t move. It wasn’t her place anymore. Ingrid looked over at them, gave a small wave. Alexia waved back, but Mapi? Mapi just stood frozen. In her mind, Ingrid wasn’t waving at her—Ingrid hated her now.

---

The next evening, the match was an intense battle. Both teams fought for dominance, neither willing to give an inch. Then, during a corner kick, Mapi found herself marking Ingrid. For the first time in months, they were this close. And just like that, the familiar scent of Ingrid’s perfume filled Mapi’s senses, the one she had always loved. She was caught in the past, lost in a thousand memories, when suddenly, Ingrid moved. Before Mapi could react, Ingrid leaped into the air, heading the ball straight into the back of the net.

The stadium erupted. Ingrid’s teammates swarmed her in celebration, but she didn’t join in. She just smiled softly and looked toward Mapi. Mapi, whose head was down, realizing too late that she had let herself get distracted. That goal was on her. She had let her mind drift back to a love she had lost, and now, it had cost her team.

The match ended with Lyon winning. As the players exchanged handshakes, Ingrid and Mapi finally faced each other. Their hands met briefly, but as Mapi turned to leave, Ingrid did something unexpected—she stopped her.

“How have you been?” Ingrid asked softly.

For a moment, Mapi didn’t react, convinced she had imagined it. Ingrid was speaking to her? After all this time? After everything? She thought Ingrid hated her. And now she was asking how she was?

“Fine,” Mapi muttered, barely above a whisper.

An awkward silence stretched between them, and Ingrid shifted uncomfortably. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. They had once been everything to each other. Now, they couldn’t even hold a conversation?

Taking a deep breath, Ingrid gathered her courage. “Do you want to grab something to eat? Talk?”

Mapi blinked, her mind racing. This was not what she had expected. They hadn’t spoken in months, and now Ingrid wanted to sit down and talk?

But she found herself nodding. “Okay.”

They agreed to meet outside the stadium in an hour. As Mapi walked away, her heart pounded in her chest. She didn’t know what to think. She had spent so long convincing herself that Ingrid was gone from her life forever. And yet, here they were. About to sit down together again. About to face what they had lost.

Maybe, just maybe, they weren’t as lost as they thought.

[magics-neptunes-things]

Hate and love

Hello!

This one is from a request, you still can ask me to write something if you want to :)

I have to say that I'm not really sure about this one, but here it is.

Enjoy ♥

TW : Angst, harassment, divorce, loneliness.

______________________________________________________________

Your arrival in Barcelona at the winter transfer almost a year ago has gone rather well. You quickly bonded with most of the players and you didn’t have any trouble becoming a part of the FC Barcelona family. You maybe wasn't in the Top 3 of the public favorite players, but you don't really mind. You were a bit sad about the departure of some of them this summer, especially Jenni and Ana who were kind of mentors for you during these few months. And even if you continue to exchange news with them, you must admit that it is not the same.

Playing previously in Seville, you already knew quite well some of the players of the team, usually staying on the pitch after the matches to chat a little. You were separated during the World Cup, your national team not being strong enough to pass the qualifications you were in the first to return to training in Barcelona. This did not prevent you from making the trip to Australia to support your friends and obviously the Spanish national team.

You celebrated their victory from the VIP party with friends and family before returning to Barcelona in your daily routine. The world champions have gradually returned to training and you have welcomed new players to the team, always in a good mood.

Everything seems perfect told like that, yet there is something that bothers you since your arrival in Barcelona.

Aitana Bonmati.

She never seemed very happy to see you arrive and you never understood why. At first you said to yourself that she was perhaps afraid that your arrival would cause an imbalance in the group, as can happen sometimes when an element has a too strong personality. Some are afraid of change and you have not asked yourself more questions than that, letting this information slip into a corner of your brain. She wasn’t necessarily part of the small group of girls you trained with regularly anyway since you don’t play in the same spot on the field.

But this summer, you could see that the new arrivals had the right to a big smile and other privileges to which you were not entitled. It’s not really a question of ego, but you don’t understand what you did to her to make her react this way with you. And that's hurt.

You have even noticed with the passing of time that she tends to be rather unpleasant with you, not responding to your hello when you arrive in the locker room for example. It happens to her to roll discreetly her eyes when you speak and you even surprised once Ona throwing her an elbow in the ribs while making the big eyes. It was a relief to see that you were not crazy and that your teammates were taking your side, but it also confirmed what you thought.

And gradually, it plunged you into a kind of constant anxiety, reminding you of some of your traumas during your childhood and adolescence. During which you were often mocked, the girl who preferred to play football rather than dance. Your father always supported you in your choices, unlike your mother, your big brother and your big sister. When they separated you went to live with him and he sacrificed a lot so that you would be where you are today, but you never had the heart to tell him about the harassment you were experiencing at school.

**********

"Can I talk to you?"

Alexia’s voice surprises you while you were focused on the laces of your Converse, making you jump a little. Lost in your thoughts, you were ruminating about the disaster you were during this training. You didn’t put a single ball in the net, you got so distracted that you got a remonstrance from Jona and you almost kill Mapi with a bad pass. Mapi preferred to laugh and quickly came to reassure you by giving you a friendly slap in the back and a hug, to your greatest relief. You would have been horrified to be hated by another of your teammates.

"Sure" you mumble without looking at her.

Alexia’s voice was sweet when she offered to follow her to one of the conference rooms and you complied after picking up your bag and stuff. All the other girls have already returned and the corridors now seem deserted.

When you arrive in the room, you watch Alexia open the blinds slightly as you stand against the wall, very close to the door. You’re anxious and just waiting to be scolded. It often happened like this, teachers taking you aside to say that you weighed on the morale or level of the class. That you had to work on it if you wanted to be accepted and have good results. But no one ever seemed to wonder why you didn’t get along with your classmates. No one ever noticed or understood the harassment you were experiencing. You never mentioned that either, but you would have given ten years of your life for someone to notice. Anyone.

So when Alexia turns to you with an almost maternal expression, it completely disarms you. Her eyes were soft and you can easily detect a form of concern in it.

"You can come closer, I won’t eat you" Alexia gently smiles before sitting on one of the tables, probably to make this conversation less formal.

After hesitating for a second, you settle down in front of her playing nervously with your hair.

"What can I do for you?" you ask, instead of "How are you gonna let me know that I’m gonna heat up the backup bench over the next few weeks?"

"I just wanted to make sure that everything was fine. You seem a little out of place these last few days and it’s starting to worry us. I talked with Jona about it today"

She seems embarrassed to tell you that she told someone else about you without you knowing, making you frown. Your facial expression is probably misunderstood by your captain as she hastens to add

"Don’t take this the wrong way. we’re just worried about you"

"I... I'm fine"

You shrug before biting your lip. You are a bad liar, you know it. And it didn't fool Alexia.

"You don’t have to tell me if you don’t feel comfortable with it. But there are other people here who will listen to you with pleasure."

"Don’t worry about me. It was just a time like this, but I’ll be fine"

Because it's what you always did. Figuring and fighting things alone, even if you have now friends who you trust and who you know you can count on.

"You don't have to do that alone, you know"

"Why do you even care?"

You roll your eyes. Sur Alexia is a great captain, and you like her a lot. As a friend of course, but you can't denied that she deserve her title. Like most other girls she is sincerely kind and knows how to distinguish between competition and friendships in the locker room. This is an example for you, as it is for many other girls. And even if she knows all this, she remains modest and does not take the big head. Pretty impressive, in your opinion.

"Is that even a question Y/N?"

Alexia laughs, but it’s a surprise laugh. She seems surprised at the sincerity of your question. And, seeing that you don't answer, she gently shakes her head before answering you.

"Because we care, you're part of this family and even if half of us are totaly crazy, we care for each other. Whatever your problem is, you don't have to figure out alone."

And these sentences, even if it seems to be the most natural thing for Alexia, break down the barriers you have put up until now. You feel tears wet your cheeks without being able to do anything to stop them. As if the dam that you had formed all these years had broken and all the tears that you had retained until today finally decided to come out. And obviously, it bothers you terribly.

You mumble excuses between two sobs, but after more or less calling you an idiot, Alexia breaks the distance between you two to take you in her arms and rock you against her. You don’t know how long you stay like this, but you still stop crying.

So you tell her everything.

The harassment when you were little, from part of your family and the children in your classes. The divorce of your parents which you feel responsible despite everything, this feeling of loneliness that you have since you were born certainly. This feeling of never being fully understood by anyone, until you arrived here. And then you talk about your teammate who reminds you of that, without giving her name. You don’t want to be a problem and Alexia doesn’t ask you to name her. Maybe because she already knows who she is?

The blonde listens to you without saying a word, patiently wiping the tears that continue to roll on your cheeks. When you are silent, exhausted by these confessions and your tears, she speaks again in a calm and soothing voice.

"I’m not going to pretend that I understand you because I was lucky enough to have a family that always supported me. I wouldn’t be here without them, honestly."

The bond between Alexia and her mother, even her sister is know by anyone. You nod, still looking at her.

"But you, you made your way all by yourself. You're only 21 Y/N, you don't realise how strong you are. But being strong doesn't always mean you have to be alone. You have friends here, people who love you and care for you. You are not alone anymore."

With that you smile at her, feeling relieved. As if the weight of all these years were coming off your shoulders. You even feel like you can breathe better. So you thank Alexia, with simple words but you couldn’t explain how much you think about them. As she lays a kiss on your cheek, you put your arms around her neck to hug her and press your words. She gives you your hug back before training you out of the room. Tomorrow is another day and you promise to do better than that.

**********

The rest of the workouts of the week are much better and you decide to completely ignore Aitana. You remain polite nevertheless, but you act as if she's not there. And this seems to annoy her even more but you decided that's not your problem. Many times you feel her look burn your back and you have time to see her black look before she realizes that you are looking at her and she looks away.

But your morale and your game are back to normal and it’s a great relief for you. For Alexia and your coach too, the man simply slips you a short compliment at the end of a session. No need to make tons and that’s enough for you.

The last practice before the next game goes as usual. You do your warm-ups with your fellow defenders, then you are shuffled for courses and drills before a five-player mini-team tournament is organized. You feel a form of anxiety that makes your heart beat when your team is against Aitana, but you decide to focus on the game.

It goes pretty well until you are tackled a little too ferociously by someone from the opposing team. The pain in your ankle and instantaneous and you can’t hold a cry of pain as you collapse to the ground.

"What the fuck Aitana?" Mapi snaps, but you don't really care for now.

The second duel that took place next to you seems to have stopped too, but the tears of pain that fill your eyes prevent you from seeing it for the moment.

"You're ok?"

Irene has knelt beside you and you feel a compassionate hand behind your back. Long black hair obscuring part of the view informs you that it's Ingrid. You answer a simple no with a nod and a few minutes later you are transported to the infirmary. Ona offered to accompany you and you agreed, realizing that you didn't want to be alone.

**********

"Sprain" informs you the nurse and you let yourself go against the file of the infirmary bed on which you are. "It means rest for two weeks."

You pout, but turn your attention to Ona when she places a friendly hand on your arm. You are so used to spending this kind of time alone that you sometimes forget for a few seconds that she is with you. You must be able to easily win the worst friend award.

"At least it’s not the ligaments" Ona said softly.

"You’re right" you sigh.

She gives you a compassionate smile and you assure her that she can take a shower and change. You still have the prescription to wait and the nurse must come back with your brace and crutches. After making sure you weren’t going to go home with an Uber but with her and Lucy, she eventually left the room. She even offers to inform the rest of the team of your injury and you accept willingly, not wanting to go to put a show there downstairs.

A few minutes pass and you always wait when someone knocks on the door.

"I still haven’t finished Ona, but you can come in."

Except that it is not Ona who enters, but Aitana. The look fixed on her shoes and the air of someone who goes to the torture room. And this time, the anger you had not yet felt takes hold of you.

"I came to apologize" Aitana mumbles without turning her eyes towards you.

"Well, it's done" you answer coldly, turning your back on her.

You don’t want to look at her. You’re mad at her, at her behavior. That she doesn’t like you is one thing, but that she makes you unable to play for two weeks is another.

"It wasn't voluntary"

You hold a sarcastic laugh and slowly shake your head.

"Ok."

Aitana seems surprised at your reaction, but you don’t care. It's true that usually you are more the one who flees the conflict and who prefers to go with the idea of the person in front of you to please her. She stands there and it annoys you. So you suddenly turn your head in her direction and you talk to her dryly.

"All right, you can go now. Just leave me alone."

The tone of your voice seems to make her react since she frowns and steps in your direction.

"Don’t talk to me like that."

You feel your heart racing, you have never been very good at dealing with disputes and emotions. Until now you had managed to buried them deep inside when they became too powerful but it seems that since your confessions to Alexia you are no longer able to do so. She says it’s a pretty good things, but you're not really sure about that.

"Don’t tell me how to talk to you when you’ve been treating me like shit since I got here, Aitana."

Aitana is stunned. She never saw you angry and expected you to accept her apology so that she could get out of this room as quickly as she got in. Her lost look irritates you a little more, she knew very well what she was doing by behaving as she did since the beginning. And you gradually realized that you didn’t deserve this.

"Who made you come here? Mapi, Alexia, Jonatan?"

She blushs and it's enough for you to understand that you are right. If she had the choice, she would never had been here, begging for your forgiveness.

"Get out" you groan, turning your back at her once again.

She didn't and you sigh before getting up as you can. It may not be the most graceful way to do it and it may take some drama off the stage, but you don't care.

"I said get out" you say, raising your voice now. "You don't want to be here and I don't want you here."

But she’s still not moving and your patience is coming to an end. From now on there is nothing else that separates you, except the bed on which you were lying a few moments ago. The nurse still hasn’t come back, but this might be the time to do it please.

"I- " began Aitana, without saying anything more.

"What do you want? Two weeks without me aren't enough? Want to break my other leg too?"

The frustration you feel about not understanding Aitana’s reaction and behavior may be pushing you a little to say things you never had the courage to say before. But it was less positive to return the floor to your interlocutor, whose face and eyes finally come alive again.

"I told you I didn't mean it" she half-screams and you snort. "Maybe I was wrong for acting with you like I did but..."

"Maybe?!" you interrupt her coldly.

"You made my life a living hell! You came here with your damn smile and skills and all my life fell appart!" Aitana is clearly shooting now and you blink, surprised by her rage. "I was in an healthy relationship, happy in my life and with this team. And you came along and everything fell apart! I am straight ok, I am so fucking straight but all I can think about all the time is you! I hate you for the way you make me feel but I'm not fucking able to change it even if I tried since you are here"

It is your turn to remain silent, your brain analyzing each of the words that she just said. And all this has absolutely no meaning for you, except the part where she confesses her hatred to you perhaps. Aitana’s breathing is fast and noisy, you can’t tell if it’s that or your screams that didn’t allow you to realize that you were no longer alone in the room.

"Hmm."

You look over Aitana’s shoulder and you realize that Ona has returned to the room with Lucy holding your crutches and a sheet of paper while she herself carry your bag.

"Maybe it’s time to go home"

Lucy’s perfectly expressionless face keeps you from knowing how long she’s been here. Two steps behind her, Ona makes her look between you and Aitana without saying anything. You nod and pass in front of Aitana with a limp, Ona reacting by breaking the last meters to help you take your crutches in hand.

You follow them silently to Lucy’s car and after some arguments with Ona you finally agree to sit in the passenger seat. By taking your phone out of your pocket, you realize that you have received some messages from your teammates wishing you a good recovery. And you quickly understand that they have created a tournus between them so that you are not alone at home. There will apparently be only during the trip next weekend where you will not have peace. But it makes you smile and a little forget what just happened.

"You want to eat with us tonight?" Lucy asks.

"Nah I'm good thank you. I usually watch some crap TV show on friday night."

You see Lucy peeking at you to make sure you’re not playing superhero and you feel the way she’s measuring you. You look up and sigh.

"I assure you it’s okay. Enjoy your Friday night, I’ll probably go to bed early anyway."

This time it's Ona that Lucy looks through the rearview mirror but neither of them insists, to your relief. Being alone doesn't bother you. Once at home, Ona helps you get out of the vehicle and before she can open her mouth, you speak again.

"I promise, i'm fine Ona."

"All right. I’ll leave you alone on the condition that you swear on your cat’s head that you will write me if you're not okay."

"Leave the poor cat alone" you joke, making her smile. "I promise."

**********

The doorbell on your front door makes you frown. You’re sitting on your couch, a blanket on your legs and your cat on your stomach. Your sprain is better, it must be said that after a week and a half of rest it would be dramatic that this is not the case. You have resumed muscle training, but it is obviously out of the question that you start running again for now. You can now move without your crutches and it was a great relief to be able to get rid of them. Your ankle is still carefully immobilized but you are now doing quite well.

Salma left your apartment half an hour ago, and you’re supposed to stop receiving visitors. Your father phones you every day and hasn’t done it yet, but he has no reason to show up here unannounced. That’s really not his style.

The bell rings again, waking up your cat who is rustling a little before going to eat croquettes in the kitchen. So you get up from the couch and go to the door, opening it without removing the safety chain to see who it is. And almost immediately you close the door, but the fingers of Aitana who slip into the opening prevent you to do so.

"Don’t make me break your fingers"

"Just let me in"

"No? What the hell"

"Y/N, please…"

The despair of her voice makes you flinch and you press your forehead against the door. You’re too sensitive to people’s distress to leave someone with that feeling. Even if it was Aitana herself who put you in this emotion there a few weeks ago. You sigh and, already regretting your gesture, you open the door to let her in. You avoid looking at her when she enters your home, closing the door behind her.

"You have a cat?"

You refrain from pointing out that if she had been interested in you instead of making you regret your arrival, she would know. If you don’t talk about your cat several times during the day, there is a problem.

"How do you know where I live?"

Aitana stop looking at your cat who spread out on your plaid to turn to you. With your arms crossed, you wait for his answer with a certain hint of curiosity. Aitana has never set foot in your house and if you are not mistaken, she does not really live in the neighborhood.

"I asked Irene"

She shrugs and you signal her to settle down on the couch. You go back to your place, gently pushing your cat to be a little more comfortable. With a simple look he made you understand that you're annoying, making you smile gently. You caress him to apologize as he stretches, rolls into a ball and closes his eyes.

"I came to apologize"

Sitting on the edge of the couch, Aitana looks at you with the same suspicion as if she had been the last piece of meat in the middle of a horde of hungry lions.

"I’ve already heard that before" you answer by arching an eyebrow

"I know. But I just... I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, really. My problems shouldn’t have affected you. I should have handled things differently, but I was confuse and scared."

She looks sincere and does not look away when you judge her with yours. Next to you your cat stretches lazily before turning around on the other side and continuing his nap.

"Ok. Apologizes accepted"

She looks at you so long it makes you uncomfortable. You have never been in her presence for so long and you find yourself nervously wrapping your hair around your finger.

"If I could, I would do things differently, you know? I understand it’s out of the question that something is happening between us now, but I would like to start all over again. Get to know you, possibly offer you a date and then two if things go well."

You’re slowly biting your lip looking at her. You’d be lying if you said that the words she said in the infirmary didn’t mark you. You were far from imagining that the reason for his behavior was related to an attraction to you. You think it’s pretty toxic, but you like to think people deserve a second chance. After biting your lip, you bend over and reach out to her.

"Well... Hi. I'm Y/N, nice to meet you."

[kittyit]

top 10 new (to me) albums of 2024 all woman-fronted, fav tracks linked

Mette - Mettenarrative (2023) → ACID RAIN

Ana Frango Elétrico - Me chama de gato que eu sou sua (2023) → Electric Fish

Francesca Wexler - I Promise (2022) → Pink Noise

milkypossum - Digital Utopia (2024) → Check Your Aim

Lilyisthatyou - POP MUSIC (2023) → RELAX AFTER WORK WITH A DRINK

Magdalena Bay - Imaginal Disk (2024) → Cry for Me

Remi Wolf - Big Ideas (2024) → Alone in Miami

Caroline Polachek - Desire, I Want to Turn Into You [Everasking Edition] (2024) → Butterfly Net (ft. Weyes Blood)

Kitty Craft - Beats and Breaks from the Flower Patch (1998) → When Fortune Smiles

Gaelynn Lea - Learning How to Stay (2018) → Metsäkukkia

[addledmongoose]

Good Omens Fanfic Friday (09 May 2025)

It's a smorgasbord of stories this week.

A Matter of Intelligence (6K; Rated T) by @hopelesslysleepy

How did Crowley know to be at the church to rescue Aziraphale and his books? This is the fic to answer that question.

***

Seaside Rendezvous (578 words; Rated M) by @hopelesslysleepy

A tiny one-shot with mildly NSFW art (depending on how your work feels about beachwear) of a trip Crowley and Aziraphale make to the beach.

***

Pitch Black, Pale Blue (127K; Rated M)

Human/Merman AU. Crowley is an intern at a marine research facility who one night finds a beautiful blond merman (not named Stede) trapped in a net on the beach. The attraction is immediate, despite the language barrier, and they start meeting regularly.

Unfortunately, Crowley's boss also suspects something unusual is in the ocean, and he won't let anyone or anything stop him from uncovering the secret.

This was such an exciting story, full of romance and adventure and magic. Lukas Morningstar is the most evil version of Satan I've seen yet, including when he's actually Satan.

***

Intent To Enter The Water (2K; Rated T) by @copperplatebeech

An early morning encounter on the Thames, set some time after the end of season 2. Crowley collects a souvenir.

CW for suicidal intentions by a human.

***

To Speak the Unspoken (33K; Rated T)

Set in 1854 (so before the holy water fight), Crowley shows up at Aziraphale's door, mortally wounded, looking for a quiet place to die. Aziraphale is having none of it.

A quiet story about secret love and the depths to which some beings will go to save the one they care about the most, even when they're not supposed to. Canon-compliant within the universe, so don't expect a true happily ever after, but it's not a sad ending either.

***

A Smell Can't be Ineffable (13K; Rated M) by @thinkinginscripts

Human AU. Crowley has anosmia after contracting covid (and subsequently, long covid), and his friend Ana suggests he meet a blond bookseller she knows to try smell visualization to get his sense of smell back. A lovely short story with two perfectly competent adults finding each other.

[hataysekshikayelerisblog]

Karımla Karavan Anılarımız! (2) (Gökhan 48 Y., İzmir)

Ne diyeceğimi ya da nasıl başlayacağımı bilemiyordum. Karım toparlandı ve yanımdaki yardımcı şoför koltuğuna oturdu. Karımın içinde halen Akın'ın dölleri vardı ve o hiçbir şey olmamış gibi yanıma geldi, sigarasını yaktı ve konuşmamaya devam etti. İçim içimi yiyordu; hem dimdik olmuştum ve karımı sikmek istiyordum, ama bir yandan da onu o halde izlemek, ortamın ambiyansını bozmak içimden gelmiyordu. Yemek yemek için duracağımız 1.5 saatlik mesafe boyunca hiç konuşmadım; durduğumuz restoranda da denizin yanındaki masamıza geçip, siparişlerimizi verince artık konuşma zamanı gelmişti.

Önce etrafa baktım biraz, konuya nasıl gireceğimi bilmiyordum. Karım da zaten hiçbir şey olmamış gibi davranıyor ve o olaydan önceki küslüğümüzü devam ettiriyordu. "Sanırım konuşmamız gerek!" diye bir girizgah yaptım. Karım, "Öyle diyorsan!" diye kestirip attı, ama hangi konuda konuşmaya gireceğimden çok da net emin olmasa gerek, bir konuya yönelik bir şey söylemedi. "Neydi o yaptığın?" diye sordum. Ben de daha lafları yuvarlıyordum. Karım, "Neyden bahsediyorsun?" dedi. Bir süre daha lafı çevirdikten sonra, "Karavanda yaptığından bahsediyorum tabii ki!" dedim. Biraz sinirli ve kızmış gözükmeye çalışıyordum, ilk dakikadan bu olaydan keyif aldığımı öğrenmesin diye.

Karım, "Ne yapmışım ki?" deyip gevrek gevrek gülünce, "O çocukla neden o kadar ileriye gittin?" dedim. Karım gayet rahat bir ifadeyle, "Ben hep sana bakıyordum ve senin de bana baktığını biliyordum; rahatsız olduğunu anladığım anda bırakacaktım, ama sen görmene rağmen beni asla durdurmadın. Ben de sonuna kadar gittim!" dedi. Bu kadar rahat ve pişkin olması bir parça canımı sıkmıştı, ama bir yandan da hhalen hoşuma gidiyordu. Ben de, "Ben de senin beni kızdırmaya çalıştığını anladım, ama makul bir anda bırakacağını düşünerek müdahale etmedim. İşleri bu noktaya getirip 19 yaşında çocuğa vermen mi gerekiyordu?" dedim. Karım, "Özür dilerim, bir daha olmaz!" diyerek kestirip attı. O an, belki de kendimde bile garipsediğim, bir his oldu. Neredeyse (Bir daha olmaz!) dediği için, (Öyle demek istemedim!) diyecektim. O haz, garip bir biçimde hoşuma gitmişti.

Daha sonra da yemeklerimiz geldiği için konuyu açamadım. O günün akşamında, karavanı kenara park ettiğimde karımla harika bir sevişme yaşamıştık. O ana kadar aramızda uzun süredir olmayan bir haz ve istek vardı üzerimizde. Sevişmem bitip, Akın�ın yaptığı gibi, karımın içine boşaldıktan sonra, karım, "Sen bundan hoşlanmışsın!" dedi. İnkar veya kabul etmedim. Sadece susup oturdum. Karım, yıkanmak için, karavanın banyosuna doğru ilerleyince, "Bir daha yapacak mısın?" dedim. Banyonun kapısından bana bakarak, "İster miydin?" dedi. Ben sessiz kalınca, "Bakarız!" diyerek duşa girdi.

Sonraki 3 gün boyunca bu konu aramızda hiç açılmadı ve otostopçuya da denk gelmedik. Artık Muğla'dan çıkmış, daha da aşağılara doğru gidiyorduk. Rotamız güzeldi ve sanki birkaç gün önce yaşanan olay ikimizin de sinirin, stresini almış, bizi bambaşka iki insan yapmıştı. Şimdi odağımız daha farklıydı. Artık neredeyse durduğumuz her yerde, yol kenarında gördüğümüz her insana bu tarz fantaziyi yaşayıp yaşamayacağımız kişi mi diye bakıyorduk.

Saat 16:30 civarı, yine yolda ilerlerken bir otostopçu gördük. Bu çocuğu benim gözüm pek tutmamıştı, çünkü daha ufak duruyordu. Karım ise, "Alsana şunu!" dedi sadece. Biraz yavaşlatsam da arabayı, "Daha ufak duruyor o!" dedim. Ama karım, "Boş versene, ne olacak?" dedi. Daha fazla diretmeden arabayı durdurdum ve çocuğu karavana aldım. İsmi Orkun'du ve 17 yaşındaydı. Lise öğrencisiymiş ve o da klasik bir biçimde otostopla tatile çıkmış. Zaten bu yazlık bölgelerin yollarında genellikle bu tarz tatilcilere çok fazla rastlamak mümkündü.

Karımın üzerinde o gün daha da dar ve dekoltesi belli bir bluzla mini etek vardı. Karım onunla sohbet etmeye başlamıştı. Ben daha çok ipleri onun eline bırakıyor ve anın tadını çıkartıyordum. Daha rahat bir imaj vermeye çalıştığım için; karımdan olur olmaz şeyler istiyor ve teşekkür etmek için orasına burasına dokunarak dudaklarından öpüyordum. Orkun da bizi ilgiyle hissediyordu ve davranışlarından rahatlamaya başladığı da anlaşılıyordu. Atağa geçeceği ve hamle yapacağı doğru anı karımın bileceğinden emindim ve bu yüzden de onu uyaracak bir şey yapmıyordum.

Karım yine arkaya geçti ve mutfak tezgahının önünde sözde bir şeyler hazırlıyormuş gibi yaparak bacaklarını sergilemeye başladı. Ara sıra çekmecelerden bir şey almak için eğilirken minicik olan eteği yüzünden kalçalarının alt kısımları hafif hafif gözüküyordu. Çocuğun inanılmaz derecede bunu beğendiğini ve istekli olduğunu görebiliyordum; ancak beklediğimden daha cesur çıkmıştı. Çantasını kucağına almıştı ve eli, çantanın altında yavaş yavaş hareket ediyordu. Karıma bakarak 31 çekmeye başlamıştı. Hiçbir şey demeden ve fark etmeden karavanı sürmeye devam ediyordum. Karım da sanırım 31 çektiğini fark ettikten sonra bana bir şey söylemek için iyice eğilince resmen kalçalarının yarısını göstermiş oldu. O pozisyonda da neredeyse yarım dakika kadar kaldı.

Orkun'un gözleri karımın kalçalarındaydı. Bir yandan numaradan karımla konuşuyor gibi yaparken, diğer yandan da dikiz aynasından Orkun'u kesiyordum. Gözlerini dahi ayırmadan karımın kalçalarına bakıyor ve bir yandan da sikini okşuyordu. Karıma, "Ne yapacaksan yap, bu salak yoksa çantasına boşalacak!" dedim. Güldü ve, "Merak etme, ben halledeceğim!" diyerek toparlandı yavaştan. Ben, "Orkun, eğer bir problem olmazsa şurada bir 20 dakika kadar mola vereceğim." diye seslendim. Orkun da anın şoku ve zevkiyle, "Tabii efendim, sorun yok." dedi.

Arabayı durduğumda yerimden kalktım ve karavanın iç kısmına geçtim. Karımla göz göze geldik ve artık yılların getirmiş olduğu birbirini tanıma yeteneği ile birlikte hiç konuşmadan sadece bakışlarımızla birbirimizle anlaşıyorduk. Karım bir anda, "Burada mı duracaksın? Hani o söylediğim yerde duracaktık?" dedi. Ben de ters davranarak, "Ben burada durmak istedim. Senin o söylediğin yere girmeyeceğim. Orası yolumuzun 20 kilometre ötesinde, boşuna zaman harcayacağız!" diye cevap verdim. Biz orada suni ve tamamen uydurmaca bir kavgaya tutuştuk. Yaklaşık 5 dakikalık bir kavgadan sonra seslerimiz iyice yükselince, karıma, "Sen hep böyle yapıyorsun! Hiçbir şeyden memnun olmuyorsun!" diyerek kapıyı vurup dışarı çıktım. Planımız tıkır tıkır işliyordu. Amacım; Orkun ve karımı yalnız bırakmaktı. Şimdi, karımın benim için aralık bıraktığı, perde aralığına geçmiştim ve karavanın içini seyrediyordum.

Karım numaradan ağlayarak Orkun'un yanına oturdu. Konuşmaları yarım yamalak da olsa duyuyordum. "Hep böyle davranıyor bana, benim isteklerime hiç önem vermiyor!" dedi. Orkun da onu teselli etmek bahanesiyle karımın omuzlarını okşamaya başlamıştı. "Sadece gezide değil; yemekte, özel günlerimizde... hatta... özel anlarımızda bile benim isteklerime önem vermiyor. Bana yetmiyor!" dedi. Orkun'un şaşkınca baktığını görebiliyordum. O an muhtemelen kapıyı açıp içeriye girsem bile beni fark etmeyecek kadar şaşırmış ve odaklanmıştı.

Birkaç dakikalık konuşmadan sonra karım aniden Orkun'un dudaklarına yapıştı ve elini, çantayı kaldırıp, Orkun'un açıktaki sikine attı. Çok büyük bir siki yoktu, ama epey kalındı. Karım benim gibi 48 yaşında bir adamdan sonra iki seferdir genç erkeklerle birlikte oluyor ve onların enerjisiyle sikiliyordu. Orkun'un siki, karımın elinde dimdik ve kıpkırmızı olmuştu. Karım, Orkun'un çok fazla dayanamayacağını anladığı için de ön sevişmeyi biraz hızlı geçmek niyetindeydi. Ufak birkaç öpüşmeden sonra, üstündekileri bile çıkartmadan, sadece içindeki külotu dizlerine kadar indirdi ve eteğini hafifçe beline doğru toplayarak Orkun'un kucağına oturdu.

Karım bilerek sırtını Orkun'a vermişti ki, hem benim için aralık bıraktığı yerden bana bakacaktı, hem de Orkun'un beni görmesini engelleyecekti. Karımın ıslanmış amcığına Orkun'un yarrağı girerken, ben de 31 çekmeye başlamıştım. Kendimi garip hissediyordum; hem bir ezik gibi hissediyordum, ama aynı zamanda da çok keyif alıyordum. Benim neredeyse üçte birim yaşındaki ergen şu an gözlerimin önünde karımı sikiyordu ve bu yaz bittiğinde de lisedeki arkadaşlarına ballandıra ballandıra anlatacaktı bu tecrübesini...

Karım, Orkun'un kucağında hızla zıplıyordu ve çocuğun da eli sanki yapıştırıcıyla yapışmış gibi karımın göğsünün üstündeydi. Sıkmıyor, okşamıyordu, ama muhtemelen bir refleksle oraya atmıştı ve tutuyordu. Orkun, karımın azgınlığını ve ateşine 3-4 dakikadan fazla dayanamadı ve karımın içine patladı. Orkun'un boşaldığını gördükten sonra ben de geri çekildim ve 10 dakika kadar etrafta turladıktan sonra karavana geri geldim.

Karım toparlanmıştı. Orkun da bir köşede sessizce oturuyor ve göz teması kurmamaya çalışıyordu. Karım, yakınlaşma numaraları yaparak aramızdaki (sözde) kavgayı ve soğukluğu kırmaya çalışıyordu. Ben de belli olmasın diye önce birkaç dakika soğuk durup, ardından da onu affettiğimi söyleyerek aramızdaki buzları erittim. Orkun'u ineceği yere kadar götürüp bıraktığımda, "Her şey için teşekkürler!" dedi. Karımla birkaç saniye göz göze geldiler. Karım, ben fark etmemişim gibi yaparak Orkun'a bir göz kırptı ve Orkun'un da duyacağı şekilde "Hadi kocacığım, gidelim!" dedi. Biz de yola koyulduk!

[Gökhan]

[adventremnant]

Hiiii i wanted to ask if its possible to have a negative net cal? Ive eaten abt 510 cals so far (7:30pm ish) and had three walks that totalled abt 700 burnt cals (12.8km, 55kg)

i love ur posts it helps so much w/ eating the right foods w/ ana lol :DDD

Well yeah that's how weight loss works, inherently to lose weight your body is burning more calories than it's taking in. When you have such a low intake, exercise purging isn't really going to do much extra. Your BMR is already doing that for you.

Exercise because it's good for you, not because you want to burn off the already tiny amount you ate.

And for the record, as I've said several times, your exercise counter is lying. You weigh 120lbs, you did not burn 700 cal walking 8 miles unless it was hiking uneven ground. You probably burnt around your exact intake. On average, a 120lb person burns like 60 calories walking a mile, but again, you can't know your actual calorie burn without lab tests.